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#but hopefully this is a bit harder
goldensunset · 2 years
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(instead of listing everyone i just decided to pick the ppl who i think would need it the most + original ntwewys only but feel free to fight me on that)
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sentientcave · 5 months
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Retirement Party
Chapter 4 - Runaway
<<First Chapter - < Prev Chapter - Next Chapter >
Contains: No Y/N, Kidnapping, Forcible relocation, Dubcon, Plus-sized reader, female reader, Poorly thought out action sequences, Guns, There is something fucking wrong with these guys for real, More reader details given, but we're still pretty vague about it. Even though it is hard for me. No promises for future chapters though I might even tell y'all her name.
~3.8k - MDNI - Dark fic! Please mind the content warning above
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You wake in the morning with your nose buried in a thick patch of chest hair, and strong arms around you. Your legs are hooked around one of his thick thighs, and something hard digs into your stomach. You start to inch away, but his arms tighten, and his hips cant against you, a thick, sleepy groan rumbling in his chest. It would be a nice way to wake up, if not for the circumstances. It’s been ages since you slept beside another person, let alone someone that feels as comfortable as John does.
“John,” you say softly. You don’t want to fully wake him up, just get him to let you go. “John, please let me go.”
He hums, one hand sliding to your waist, and then down to your hip, pulling you closer, grinding you against his thigh. You squeak in protest, becoming aware that you’re already wet, like you’ve been unconsciously humping his leg in your sleep for some time. You push your slightly freer top half away a little, so you can look at him. He’s still sleeping, a little frown on his face as he’s pulled unwillingly toward consciousness. He really is handsome, especially like this, all his defences down, grumbling like a hibernating bear.
“Don’t wake up,” you tell him, as if it’ll make any difference. “I just have to pee.”
One of his blue eyes cracks open, a little unfocused. “You comin’ back?” His voice is rough from sleep, rasping like sandpaper.
“Sure,” you say, even though you have no intention of doing so. Your body seems as eager as his is for something you’re sure is dangerous. Maybe he smells good, like tobacco, warm, boozy spices and something undeniably male, and maybe he feels warm and solid against you, but you don’t want to encourage this. You just want to enough space to clear your head. His admissions last night still have you spooked, John’s words not tempered by a night of surprisingly good sleep. “I’ll just be a minute.”
He loosens his hold on you enough that you can wiggle free, his eyes opening a little more so he can watch you slip out of bed. He rolls over onto his back, and starts snoring gently before you’ve even made it to the bedroom door. You take the opportunity to snag one of the bags stacked in front of the closet and your purse off the dresser and bring both to the bathroom with you. You’re not sure what’s in the bag, but you know the larger suitcase has things from your closet in it, so you’re hoping this one has more from your dresser.
You get dressed, glad that most of your underthings and a comfortable pair of jeans and a thick sweater are inside and pack your toothbrush and makeup bag into the larger one, and creep downstairs carefully. One of them is snoring gently on the couch, but otherwise, the house is silent. You carefully fish a set of keys off the hooks by the door and sneak outside. You don’t know where any of your shoes are except the red heels, so you just leave in your sock feet, and pile your things into the pick-up truck. You’ll drive it into town and leave it there, buy a ticket on a train or a bus, and get the hell back home.
It sucks to have to leave everything you own, beyond the clothes in the one bag and the contents of your purse, but maybe you can call the cops— Well. Probably not. Better to just start over anywhere else. You have digital copies of a few pictures of your parents, and that’s better than nothing, even if their wedding album is sitting on a shelf in John’s living room, along with all the family photos that your parents took of you and them while you were growing up. Your mother’s sketchbooks too, and her camera, and your dad’s guitar.
You bite your lip, holding back tears, and start the truck.
No sense mourning things. The memories are in your head and your heart, not trapped in the pages of books or twisted into the strings of the guitar. You don’t need them.
You haven’t driven in a long time, and the truck, unfortunately, is a manual, which you haven’t driven in even longer, but you manage to pull away from the house without revving the engine too hard, and pick up speed once you get to the road, only just remembering to hit the clutch with your left foot before you change gears. You’d feel pretty pathetic if you only made it to the road before stalling out the pickup.
You’re not sure which way town is, but you figure the road has to lead somewhere no matter which way you choose, so you navigate blindly, turning onto a bigger road a little ways down the gravel one that leads to John’s house. Bigger road means more people, although the hour is still so early that there’s no one around yet. The sun is barely up, and it’s still shadowy in the woods on either side of the road. The woods give way to fields suddenly, the sun making a too-bright debut, shining right into your eyes. You flip down the visor and adjust the rear-view mirror, wincing when you see a blue car a ways behind you, approaching fast.
You didn’t notice the car when you were leaving— It must have been parked behind the bigger van that they’d used to move all your things— but it looks sporty and fast, and judging by the way it closes the gap, there’s no question that it’s them. You push the truck harder, squinting against the light, heart hammering. The car’s engine roars, loud enough that you can hear it over the blood rushing in your ears, and pulls into the lane beside you. Gaz motions for you to pull over from the passenger seat.
You slow up enough that they pull ahead a little, and you yank your steering wheel to the side and stomp down on the gas and the clutch, shifting into third gear and nailing the side of the car, shattering a tail light and making it spin, stopping just shy of the ditch.
For a moment, you’re still close enough to see the shock on their faces, but you’re moving fast and leave them in the dust, at least momentarily. It won’t take them long to recover and catch up again, and if they hit you with the same maneuver, there’s no way you’ll be able to get the truck under control. There’s not enough weight in the bed of the truck to compensate, and you’ll wind up in the ditch for certain.
Funny, how it comes back to you. Learning to drive along mountain roads way outside Aberdeen, either in your dad’s little car or your mom’s old truck (usually the car, which was the easier one to drive. Your dad was the safer driver too, the better parent to learn from), and you can almost imagine your mother in the passenger seat, laughing her head off at the insane circumstances, encouraging you to throw caution to the wind, to get a feel for the road under the wheels and the way the old truck handled. She always laughed when she was under stress, but it’s comforting to think of. Your mum would never let a couple of thick-headed military assholes get the better of her.
The car is catching up again, so you floor it and smash through a fence gate into a muddy field, where the car won’t handle as well, and speed your way across the stubbly remains of wheat, already harvested. The car follows, and, predictably, struggles, the low frame too close to the muck, bumping unhappily over the soft, uneven ground.
Laughter bubbles up in your chest, relieving some of the built-up anxiety. You smash through a segment of the fence on the other side and yank the truck back onto the road, giggling when the truck fishtails a bit, mud slicking the tires on the pavement. There’s so much adrenaline coursing through your system that you feel like you might be sick the moment you let any of this catch up with you. So you keep driving, and pray that it doesn’t.
The car gets close again when you reach another wooded section of road. Through the rearview mirror you can see Gaz pop out of the window, gun drawn, but you don’t hear the crack when it fires, you only feel the impact when the bullet strikes one of the rear tires. You shriek, slamming on the breaks as the truck spins out of your control and off the road, slamming into a tree head on.
The lurch forward as the airbags deploy, your body hitting them hard, knocking all the air out of your lungs as you’re slapped back into he seat. The seat belt bites into your shoulder painfully. You unbuckle yourself quickly, ears ringing too loudly for you to hear the screeching tires of the pursuit car. You fall to the ground when you try to get out, head spinning.
You stumble into the trees, still blinking away double vision. If you can find a good spot to hide— Maybe you can double back and take the car while they chase you blindly through the trees. You cast about, feeling every rapidly forming bruise, wishing desperately that you had shoes, and dive into the underbrush, scooting forward on your belly, brambles catching in your hair as you curl up, out of sight.
“Please come out, doll,” you hear Gaz call out, boots crunching through the woods, closer than you would like. “It’s okay, we’re not mad. Just come out and we’ll take you home, yeah?”
Johnny is yelling further off, his voice incomprehensible but sing-song, mocking. Gaz moves further into the woods. You wait until his voice grows a little more distant before you drag yourself back out, sweater streaked with mud, leaves in your hair, and quickly sneak back to the road. The car is still running, the driver door left open. You breathe a sigh of relief.
“There you are, bird.”
You scream. A gloved hand drops over your mouth, cutting off the sound, and an arm loops around your waist, picking you right up off your feet.
Fuck.
"Look what you did, bird. Wrecked up Price's truck. 'E's not goin' to be 'appy about that." He turns so you can see the slightly smoking truck, the front half of it crumpled beyond repair.
You shake your head until he pulls his hand away from your mouth. "Its not my fault I crashed. Gaz shot the tire out. I wasn't even going to steal it, just leave it in town once I'd gotten to a bus stop."
He hums. You hear the slight crackle of a radio. "Got 'er, lads. Come back to the car."
"Rog."
"Aye."
Ghost shoves you into the back seat. "Stay put," he says sternly. "You're already banged up, don't want to 'ave to tackle you."
You sigh, all the fight leaving you. You feel awful, bruised and shaken up and trembling, and you do nothing but watch as Ghost gathers your things from the truck and puts them in the boot of the car. You slump back in the seat, inspecting the scratches on your hands idly. Your head hurts, and your shoulder aches, and you feel a bit like you've been stepped on, but nothing feels broken, just bruised and tender. You got lucky.
Well, not lucky. There's very little about any of this that counts as luck. Especially considering the look on Johnny's face when he jogs out of the trees. At first he looks stormy, but he grins when he sees you and opens the back door to crawl onto the seat and on top of you.
"Steamin Jesus, where'd ye learn ta drive like tha'?" He asks. "Didnae ken ye were a racer."
"Outside Aberdeen," you reply. Your ribs hurt. Soap’s weight makes every little ache more acute.
"Price isn't gonna be happy about his truck," Gaz says, tossing himself into the driver's seat. "What were you thinking, doll? You could've been hurt."
"You didn't have to shoot the tire." You try to push Soap off, but he wraps himself around you, a bit tight, but bearably so. You’re trembling, and he’s trying to help, in a thoroughly unhelpful way. "I was just trying to get home."
"That's the wrong way. Your home's with Price now." Ghost gets into the other front seat, and Gaz reverses back out onto the road.
You sigh, leaning your head against the window, watching the countryside flash by. It takes an embarrassingly short time to get back to John's house. You didn't get as far as you would have liked, hardly got anywhere at all. Your eyes prickle with tears, but you don't want to cry in front of them. You want to go back to bed, maybe back in time to the morning. You would have been wiser just to curl up next to John again.
Soap drags you from the car, hands a bit rough on your bruises, and pulls you back to the house. John rushes out, worry creasing his face, blue eyes sweeping over you and turning furious. "What happened?" he barks, not at you, but at his men.
"Bird was makin' a run for it," Ghost says.
"Wrecked your truck," Gaz adds.
"That's not my fault!" you protest. "You shot at me!" You glare at him, frustrated tears overflowing down your cheeks. It’s like they have no idea what kind of stress they’ve put you through.
"Woah, woah, c'mere, doll." John pulls you against his chest, wrapping strong arms around you, stilling some of the tremble in your limbs. "You broken?"
You shake your head, leaning into him, gripping his t-shirt tightly. You breathe in raggedly, trying to steady yourself.
"Lads. Why did you shoot at her?"
"Trying to stop the truck."
"She's a civilian you muppets. I take it that the truck's in no shape to drive, or you would've brought it back. You could have killed her." He pets a hand over your head, plucking out a few leaves. "You should’ve let her go."
"She stole your truck!" Soap protests.
"So what? It's wrecked now anyway, innit?" The silence behind you speaks volumes. "Alright, doll, why don't you go get cleaned up? " he murmurs against the top of your head. "I need to talk to the lads, and what I have to say is not fit for a lady's ears."
He gently ushers you into the house and closes the door firmly behind you. You trudge upstairs, feeling utterly pathetic, and lock yourself into the bathroom. Still sniffling, you comb sticks and leaves out of your hair with your fingers and put yourself into a hot shower, where you give yourself the freedom to cry your eyes out, hoping that the sound of water drowns your stifled sobs.
The house is quiet when you shut off the shower and dry yourself off. You wrap the shirt you'd slept in around you and poke your head out into the hallway. John is right there, holding out a bundle of clothes. "Here, sweetheart," he says softly, like he's worried a sharp word will set you off again. He must have heard everything. "I sent the boys to deal with the truck and that tail light, so it's just us. Just come on downstairs when you're ready."
You open the door wide enough to accept the clothes, and he turns to leave again, content to leave anything else to be said when you make it downstairs.
He'd obviously taken his cue from what you'd been wearing already, because he gives you a sweater and jeans again, comfortable worn in things. You go downstairs carefully, every joint and muscle in your body aching, even after the shower.
"How do you take your coffee?" he asks. "Or do you prefer tea?"
"Coffee, please. I can make it. I'd feel better if I did, honestly." You skirt around him to the cupboard where you'd seen Gaz take mugs out, recognizing your own nestled among John's mismatched ones. You put milk and sugar in your favourite mug, and pour in coffee, stirring it throroughly. The clink of the spoon is loud, and so is the pan he sets on the stove top.
"Eggs and toast okay?" He asks.
"Um, yeah. That would be nice. Over easy?"
"Yes ma'am." He looks at you over his shoulder while butter melts in the pan, blue eyes all worry. "Did I say something to you last night? Maybe the sort of thing that made you feel like you needed to steal a truck and run as fast as you could away from here?"
"Um. Yes." You hold onto the mug with both hands. "Some stuff about wanting to start a family. With me."
His ears turn pink. "I see."
"I suppose this is where you tell me it was just the whiskey talking, right?" you ask hopefully. You like him, even if it’s ill-advised, maybe even dangerous to do so.
"Wish I could."
Your stomach twists. “Oh.”
John turns around fully, guilt and sadness written all over his handsome face. He steps closer and touches your arm gently. “I’m so sorry about what my boys have put you through, sweetheart. None of this has been right.” He sighs, brushing a few tendrils of still-wet hair away from your face, studying you, those intense blue eyes focused on you intently. “But there’s something special about you, doll. I really do want to keep you forever. Not if you’re scared, and not if you feel forced— It’s just, the thought of you leavin' and never wanting to speak to me again is— I don’t want that.”
You swallow nervously. “This is just really overwhelming.”
“I know. If I’d known, I wouldn’t have let this happen. Soap really could have just given you my number.” The smile he gives you is hopeful, and you can’t help but return it, just a little. “Now go sit down, doll. Let me take care of breakfast, hm?”
You nod and move to the table, sitting where you can watch him, and peek out the window too. The car is gone, but the van is still there for the moment, sitting idly to the side. You consider making another run for it, but your aching limbs protest even the thought. There’s not enough fight in you, and you’re not even sure you want to fight John, not the way you do the other three. His only crime has been wanting you to stay, and being a bit overzealous about it. You can’t be mad at him for that, can you? It isn’t really his fault.
Well, it might be his fault, in a roundabout way. He trained them, taught them how to ruthlessly pursue an objective. It’s just not his fault they can’t keep it from coming home with them. That’s a clear failure of whoever does their mental health assessments.
You sip your coffee and watch John crack eggs into a pan. He keeps glancing at you, and his smile flickers on a little longer each time that he catches you looking back, until he doesn’t stop smiling, and just looks happy, glad to have you there, even if you’re just keeping a silent vigil on the other side of the room.
It's not like you have anywhere to go. It'll take days at least to feel like you haven't just been in a car crash, and days more to locate everything to pack it back up. So long as you don't have to share a bed with John again, you think you could live with this, for at least a week. It can't be that terrible, so long as the others leave you alone. You rather hope they just leave. If you asked, would John send them away?
"John," you say as he sets a plate with buttered toast and a couple of eggs on it in front of you, and sets a couple tablets of paracetamol beside your plate. "If I stay… Will they be staying too?"
"I'm going to have them leave this afternoon. That alright with you? We can go for a walk to the neighbours while they pack up, if you're up for it. Maybe dr-- Well, not drive." He sets his own plate down and sits next to you, handing you a knife and a fork. “Have to get that sorted out. But the neighbours-- Rob and Melissa-- Their dog just had puppies a few weeks ago. Do you like dogs?”
You nod, breaking the yolks of one of the eggs with a corner of toast. "My parents had a dog when I was growing up. Some kind of German shepherd cross. Best boy. His name was Rob Roy, because he was a wee outlaw. Mam found him digging in the trash and--" you stop and give John a baleful look. "Sorry. That was more than you were asking."
"No, that's the most you've said at once this whole time. I'd listen to you talk all day, doll. Don't ever apologize."
"Sorry I-- Oh, shit, sorry--" you press your fingers to your mouth, cutting yourself off. "Force of habit."
"I'd like to see you lose that one. You have nothin' to apologize for. Not one damn thing, and especially not talking. I think you have the prettiest voice I've ever heard."
You roll your eyes, but you can't help smiling. "You're just saying that."
He touches your arm lightly. "You don't know me too well yet, doll, but I never just say anything."
Yet hangs in the air, heavy and deliberate. He wants you to know him, wants you to stay with him, wants you to like him. Even if it makes no sense, the offer is tempting. It's been a long time since you've let someone get close— You've had the occasional fling, and the odd reunion with an ex that you’d stayed friends with, but grief is like a canyon you can't bear to cross. What if you love someone and you lose them, the way you lost your parents? How could you live with that all over again?
Still, there's something that feels like warm sunlight in his smile, and you can't help but incline toward him, slowly but surely reaching for the light. No one can live in the shade forever. There’s no nobility in suffering.
So you let yourself talk, at least a little. And he listens, hanging on to your words like they're precious, gazing at you with something unfurling in his expression that you can't name. You're almost afraid to try.
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Image Credits: Banner
Dividers: 1 - 2 - 3 by @/Cafekitsune
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beeteal · 3 months
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it’s maybe how our story ends!
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manasurge · 3 months
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Just a bit of lore relevant vent art (with terrible proportions bc apparently I mess that up horribly when I'm tired ugh. Watch me regret posting this tomorrow. The head size is already driving me mad bc it's too big, and I can feel myself wanting to abort this mission already) of Mourynn just, lying down on top of one of those large elevated Pale Tree roots far above the Grove (and far away from everyone else), and during the time between the early years and before the Personal story. Caithe is gone (Destiny's Edge), Wynne is gone (bc well, y'know...), even Faolain is gone (bc of Caithe in DE), and she's just feeling miserable, lost, and alone. (Her hair is in between her sapling hair and the Zhaitan hair, so it's grown out a bit bc she's depressed, and she's meant to be in the new outfit she designed, but I'm in the process of redesigning it a bit, so I've made a few tentative changes for now. Her collar is now just an extension of her clavicle leaves which can be put up like a collar, or can be draped down over her shoulders or back)
#gw2#sylvari#artgallery#mourynn#mourynn art#I've just been so tired lately bc of work#also just going a bit stir crazy with the silence (lonely; but alas I unfortunately suck at starting convos bc I have nothing interesting t#talk about and work has been draining my social energy; making it even harder :( (I'd rather burn the social energy with friends yknow?)#it's getting a wee bit better; but I haven't had much time or energy to even game while we're in the midst of our busiest season :(#I miss hanging out and chatting with my buds; but the universe insists on keeping us apart :(#just miss having something to look forward to throughout my day. Been trying to fill it with other things; but the depresso is overriding i#Mostly just been me with my thoughts and that is just bad bc I got so many horrors in there lmao.#I wanna at the very least; draw more or game more to distract from it; but work is sapping all my time and energy from it.#but also it's very quiet on my end and it's kicking my overthinking into overdrive so I#Ive just been fighting with my mind lately lmao#hopefully this will all pass soon so I won't obsessively keep thinking about it loll#lol I'd post this in the servers but it's vent art so it feels a bit weird to do; so it's going straight to home video w/o a theater releas#hopefully once work calms down it'll help#(I have so many long shifts makes me so frustrated bc I hate them and I run out of steam half way through)#other than all that I'm doing fine lol. My brain's always been like this; But I usually only get like this during the winter season#(bc of the holidays making everything quiet and also the SAD) so it feels weird having this exact same feeling happen to me in July lol
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marclef · 10 months
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about to finally start work on the first part of the comic! but i made some nice-looking character sheets for them. (finally happy with how a couple of these guys look heh)
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(if you have no idea who the heck eyhm is i've got a post on here here.)
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tonyglowheart · 6 months
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"Does Shen Qiao even like Yan Wushi?"
I feel like it may be relatively easy for people to pick out "what does Yan Wushi like about Shen Qiao / what does YWS get out of yanshen." but I think a criticism/line of thought I see around is people struggling with "well what does Shen Qiao get out of all of this?" and like, "does SQ even like YWS, what with how YWS annoys him and gets him angry all the time."
But I think that actually is the crux of their relationship, lol. Because if you think about it, to everyone else, Shen Qiao is this lofty ideal, this untouchable immortal/仙, maybe even this obstacle or goal to conquer or shoot down.
Who else treats him casually and teases him and pokes at him to get emotional reactions out of him because they like that about him?
If he wants to seek people who treat him with respect and reverence, he just has to step out into the city square - hell, he just has to travel out and random people he meets are likely to treat him with that sort of dazzled awe or reverence too (we literally see this happen several times in the course of the novel).
So yeah, I think joking not joking, YWS makes him angry and feel Emotions and he likes that, YWS is enrichment for him, YWS pushes his buttons and his boundaries but reframing that it's pushing him out of his comfort zone and like hardening him off to the elements and realities of the world like a gardener with plants out of the greenhouse. But also, YWS treats him like a person, like a man, and not like Shen-daozun, Shen-daozhang, Shen-zhangjiao. To Yan Wushi, Shen Qiao is Shen Qiao. (and he loves to tease the shit out of him hehe ( ̄▽ ̄) )
CONVERSELY! This also gives Shen Qiao a space to *be* Shen Qiao. With Yan Wushi, he does not have to be Shen-daozun, Shen-daozhang, Shen-zhangjiao. He does not have to always be magnanimous and generous and a bastion of righteousness. These are in his nature, yet, but it's not ALL of his nature - he is, after all, still a man, a human, with human emotions -- including the full breadth of human emotions. Yes Yan Wushi annoys him and he shows it, but it's specifically BECAUSE of that that they are closer than him and anyone else in the world. He can "be himself" around Yan Wushi, he can get worked up and be petty and be snippy, and it's fine and won't cause catastrophes or undesired splashdown sociopolitical effects.
But also, he (lets himself?) get worked up by Yan Wushi - they HAVE that level of intimate understanding with each other where they can be like this and not have feelings hurt in any irreparable way. This isn't something that SQ does (lets himself do?) with just anyone, which we see throughout the novel reflected in his internal narration and comportment. So really, the fact that he DOES get annoyed with YWS shows that they are on a different, more "real" level with each other than SQ is with anyone else.
And like, they didn't get there in a day, sure, but imo we definitely see through the novel how they get there, so imo, the yanshen relationship is incredibly justified.
(I also say this bc I think literally every "I've connected the two dots" moments I've had in my reread, I would metaphorically flip the page only to be met with that connection I'd made spelled out on the page by MXS lmao. Like... yeah okay MXS *shakes your hand* you know your stuff. oh and also because I do think there may be some level of skepticism about yanshen esp from SQ's side floating around lol, but like... MXS did the legwork! yes chapter 45 happened, yes YWS never "apologizes" with words, but that doesn't mean that they don't share a deep mutual understanding of themselves and each other by the end, nor that they haven't moved past the events of literally 83 chapters ago, 96 if you count the extras -- a whole literal two-thirds of the novel ago. Like, I know we piss on the poor here and many educational systems around the world are in shambles these days, but work on developing reading comprehension skills, pls :') )
(lmao rip this post got long AGAIN. well, hopefully at least some people are reading all of this lol.)
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prettyflyshyguy · 15 days
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I've finally launched a Patreon for the SCP Dossiers project! Each month we'll be releasing an informational dossier all about a specific SCP object - the intent is to create a realistic feeling document that's both transformative of the original article, and new custom made elements that will make you feel like a Foundation employee while reading each dossier! If you love the immersive feeling of the wiki and want to support a fun independent project, please consider supporting this endeavor!
We're kicking it off with a revamped version of the original document that started it all - SCP-096, and we're offering both a digital download tier and a physical mail tier (international shipping!)
We're really excited to make more of these, and as the project grows we want to have more community interaction - hosting a Secret Lab server, creating a private discord, letting people vote on which skip they want us to tackle next, etc!
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pink-lemonadefairy · 16 days
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#probably my last sunny walk at home :(#keeeeellll meeeee#i think one of the things i hate about going back to uni is not being able to experience autumn and winter at home like i used to#it’s weird because i’ve always loved them and considered them my favourite seasons.#but last year (and now this year) i’m realizing that oh! i think it’s because i got to come home after a long day and be in a safe familiar#space. and at uni everything is still a bit unfamiliar and not very comforting so the long cold days get so much harder#but i will surviveeeeeee#counting on gilmore girls to get me through it!! and also love is blind s7. i LOVE having things to look forward to every week it makes tim#fly by so fast. last yr every friday night was reserved for me and i ate frozen pizza or takeout and/or my favourite snacks and#watch my comfort films :( i cooked a lot those nights too 2 save money but yeah. it was rlly nice to have that comfy safe time to myself#i think it rlly got me thru uni.#ik it’s gonna be so hard to get back into a routine but im trying to tell myself that i need to like. focus on the basics first. adulting#can be so hard & i wanna do everything at once! i wanna b perfect in all areas. always do my hobbies. etc etc but i#i couldnt even get out of bed to make myself meals sometimes ��� so i need to like remember if i don’t journal or read a whole book in a day#not the end of the world. and most importantly i need to be EATING and staying active and SLEEPING FIRST and foremost cause then hopefully#i won’t feel like a zombie.#okay anyways.#feeling sad feeling tired feeling unmotivated but also feeling a teensy bit excited for finally BEING ALONE!!!!#i have my cardiologist appt tmrw so maybe that’s why i feel so yuck also. just thinking abt it makes me wanna throw up#i hope everything goes well#anyways bye bye#♡ dear diary…
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tuituipupu · 1 month
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daydreaming about my 25th in feb 💭
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milimeters-morales · 3 months
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okay finally i know what Hobie mentally sounds like when he’s using “summat” in a sentence bc i’m watching this british(?) simmer and she’s just talking casually so she said that, and it sounds like “summin” or “summit” but it just surprised me because i was always reading it with a heavy emphasis on the “mat” part if i ever read a fic about him or i tried to read example sentences that included other british slang. so i would substitute it with “sumn” or “somethin” but now i don’t always have to. basically autism win my curiosity is satiated ^_^
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bunnihearted · 5 months
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it hurts so bad !!!! i dont know what to do i feel like im freaking out it's like i need to scratch my chest and just keep scratching and scratching until i can crack my ribcage open and rip my heart from my chest im !! i cant calm down i can barely even breathe T-T
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darcymariaphoster · 1 year
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Part One
When Mathias had finally gotten the guts to ask Lukas out, they had gone to a bookstore and bought the worst books they could find for each other. They'd swapped the books and made a date for two weeks later to talk about them. They met in a coffee shop and went on tangents. Mathias poked fun at how many sticky notes Lukas had stuffed into his book. They planned another outing to a bookstore, and did it again. It became a sort of ongoing thing for them, and the relationship was borne out of books and coffee.
But they never talked about what they were, and they never progressed the way that Mathias thought they would. The way he wanted them to. They were stuck in some sort of friendship, bordering on something else that neither of them would name. And maybe that's why he decided to text Lukas one night, ask if he wanted to go on a hiking trip with him over the weekend.
He had this glorious idea in his head of how the weekend would go. Maybe it was Saturday, maybe it was Sunday; it didn't matter because it was sunny. There was a spot not far from his house that he knew about. There were plenty of trails around the area -- many that he hadn't explored yet. He thought that would be where they went. Because, you know, he'd asked Lukas out so he should be the one to pick where they went. He thought. All the way up until Lukas agreed and replied, "Sure. I know the perfect place."
Of course he did.
Mathias sighs as he flops back onto his couch, resting one arm over his eyes. Yeah, he agreed to let Lukas pick the place. He hasn’t been pining for all this time to say, “Oh actually, you can’t do that to me.” He has a funny feeling that he’d let Lukas do just about anything, and he’d go along with him. 
For better or worse. Probably worse.
~~
“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” Mathias asks Lukas, though he doesn’t really mind the travel. He’s only been out this way a few times, and never for a hiking trip. He likes the way it looks and feels out this way. The problem is, however, that he’s noticed the trajectory of this trip. He doesn’t come this way on purpose, if he’s honest. The mountains are this direction and he generally makes a point to avoid heights. He’s not about to tell Lukas that he doesn’t really want to go on a mountain, however. 
Lukas does one of those sort of smiles, where Mathias knows that he’s smiling but if anyone else saw him they would have no idea. He loves those sort of smiles. “Not until we get there. Don’t you trust me?”
Mathias stares at him for a moment longer, just admiring, before he turns his attention back to the scenery flashing by. There’s a lot of green, he has to say that about the area. He likes the water alright, and he enjoys the beaches. But there's no way in hell that he would go near the cliffs. The heights have always been too much for him. “Yeah, of course I trust you,” he replies easily. Such a weird concept, in all honesty. It’s only been a few months, after all. He is pretty good at falling head first, though...
The drive is a rather quiet one, though Lukas relinquishes the radio to him after a bit. They chat here and there about whatever comes to mind, and he thinks again that he’d do pretty much anything for Lukas. He can’t help but notice that the ascent up the mountain doesn’t seem all that bad -- he hardly notices it, actually. They haven't taken any weird curves that show him how high up they are yet, and that's probably for the best.
“Are you really telling me that you have never been hiking this way?” Lukas finally interrupts the silence as they pull into the parking cove. 
Mathias laughs as he gets out of the car. Actually being on the mountain isn’t so bad, at least not while he’s far away from edges and can only see what’s in front of him. “I am really telling you that.” 
“What kind of hiker are you?” Lukas grabs his backpack from the back, pulling Mathias’s out as well so he can shove it at him. “I hope you’re not one of those who does backpacking on flat trails and calls it a hike.” Mathias puts his backpack on slowly, trying to decide what he wants to say. But Lukas doesn’t let him answer, apparently deciding that his statement was more rhetorical than anything else. “Let’s go then.” 
Mathias braces himself as he follows Lukas towards a trail. “Are we going very high up?”
Lukas shrugs nonchalantly. “Probably.” He glances over his shoulder at him, expression rather coy. "Trust me. I come up here all the time." 
“I do,” Mathias laughs, taking a few broad steps to catch up to him. “Are you testing me? Is that why you keep saying that?” Lukas seems to have no intention of answering that, either, and promptly changes the subject to the books they’ve been reading instead. He doesn't mind; the idle chit-chat is nice with Lukas, and it keeps his brain occupied so he can't overthink the heights situation. They weave about, and Mathias never notices when they stray from the normal trails.
However, after some time, he notices that he is definitely feeling the difference between his normal hikes and this…ascent. He isn’t about to quit, or say that he can’t manage, at least not yet. But Lukas proposes that they stop for a bit, and he jumps on the chance. “Tired already?” he teases, mostly in a vain attempt to distract him.
Lukas hesitates slightly, seeming to zone a bit as he stares through the trees for a moment. “Absolutely not. I could hear you wheezing behind me.” He throws Mathias a rather playful smirk before he takes his backpack off and takes a swig of water.
Mathias looks about himself, a bit in awe over the canopy of trees above them and the birds and insect sounds around them. He never gets tired of listening to nature. "How long have we been out here?" He glances at his watch as he asks.
"Hard to tell," Lukas mumbles distractedly and Mathias pays him a bit more attention. "I don't normally pay attention to the time when I hike. Do you?" Mathias shakes his head, studying Lukas a moment longer. "What?"
"Nothing, you're just being extra serious." Mathias raises his hands in mock surrender before finding a boulder to sit on. "You good?"
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reverend-meat · 7 months
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been cleaning this up during the break
wip for my fic,
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natsubane · 9 months
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WAAAAAAAH HI NAMINE... HI ROXAS... THEY MET AGAIN...
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poor sora doesn't know what's going on... but also....... he also got to see namine again.......... not that he remembers it at all...
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i'll have to read those ansem reports again to fully get it but... wah.........
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chibishortdeath · 5 months
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Hmmm I kinda want to make a side blog for RPG Maker game development related things to be able to talk to more experienced people in that community, but at the same time I both don’t really think I’d get much attention and don’t want to accidentally spoil my own game (^^ ; ).
I have a rough story, concept doodles, a tileset, some character sprites, an enemy that walks around but can’t initiate battle yet (if I even decide to have a battle system), a couple rooms with some events, and a functioning run button, but I’m still lost on how to do much else at the moment. Especially since this program has the ability for scripting, meaning I’ll probably have to learn and actually retain another coding language.
So, I’m not very far at all lol. Idk how well that’d go over on the established fandom website, but eh.
#text post#incoherent rambling#project update#game project#I’m still also debating whether or not I can actually even make a proper horror game too#It’s the rule of like just being a horror fan doesn’t make you good at horror being afraid of something does? ya know?#I am trying to go with things that scare me personally but it’s been difficult#either things aren’t concrete of concepts enough or are wayyyy too oddly specific to make anything about#which is quitter talk I know but how does one translate the childhood heebee jeebees of watching top ten gaming videos past bedtime 💀💀💀#or like the way too broad general fear of lack of control without making it too on the nose or too vague#truly a balancing act writing is#kinda ironically I am also a little bit less afraid of hospitals after having been to one for myself rather than family members#which makes things both more and less difficult???#on one hand I have better references for them now but on the other hand I’m desensitized to it 😔#I think I get used to things a little too easily for a lot of things to stay scary#the thing was a scary movie the first time I saw it and now it’s a comfort film#funger was a very scary game until I first died and reloaded a save with little consequence and now it’s just a spooky but fun rpg#but then at the same time thinking about a movie studio logo before a movie that scared me as a kid cause there was a monster in it#still gives weird left over shivers but actually seeing it doesn’t anymore for some reason#I feel like that’s how it’s worked with most things I’ve ever been afraid of in my life besides concepts like death control or idk drowning#ugh writing is HARD#but actually making a functional and fun to play game is harder oh my god do I not know how to make puzzles#I have made swivel chairs that can be knocked and walked over but that’s about it and idk what to do with that knowledge lmaooooo#and I don’t want the entire gameplay loop to be read text search room get key repeat cause that’s boring#I have also desperately tried making a stamina system but there’s not much help with that online especially not in the rpg maker forums#the no necroposting rule sucks all the threads for questions I have never get answered and never will cause no one is allowed to due to age#anyway idk what to tag this probably won’t get seen since it’s not my usual anyway but eh whatever I’ll think about this#hopefully I remember the passwords to two blogs 💀💀💀
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liquidstar · 2 years
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i finally finished alternate outfit designs for my ocs :) well these five at least lol
ill put the individual frames under the cut!
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#finn's ocs#i think tumblr sort of made the drawings a bit blurrier so its harder to see some details like saiphs scars or miras stretch marks... sad!#hopefully clicking on it solves that?#anyway i ended up doing the pjs after all bc i figured messy hair would be fun to do#and if i was going to put saiph in underpants anyway it would be funny to do like. the cartoon heart boxers but w fire lol#the formal looks were fun to do though. you can tell al's is like totally inspired by utena's look in aou#there are for sure through lines i wanted to keep w all their outfits like in general#aside from just keeping the same colors and general style#like mira always has like a cold shoulder look and tends to have somekind of asymmetry towards the bottom#except for her formal look for the latter#saiph always wears those wrist things no mater what. also he always has somekinda flame pattern#polaris either has snowflakes stars or compasses ofc. and if she has somekinda skirt the red will be Under it#bella has the same skull design on her bows. except for the pj look where now the skull itself is wearing a bow#and al has the stars on the strings and mismatched shoes#the most similar outfits are the summer/spring and winter/fall ones#those are pretty much default outfits so thats why#and their hairstyles in the winter/fall looks are like just slightly longer versions of their summer/spring styles#they dont really change hairstyles for the beach and pjs aside from the long haired characters pulling them up different#or putting them down for the pjs look. in bellas case#their formal look probably has the most difference in hairstyle. like theyre not just grown out or pulled back#theyre like actually styled different#these arent their final looks btw there are like completely different timeskip designs too but like#id have to use different bases for those probably. there would be changes LOL#but yeah :)#finn's art#forgor that one
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