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#but i can still say 'he wouldnt fucking do that you dont know him like i do' and i be right while that person is also right in their own
bunnihearted · 5 months
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🐰🌧️
#so on my way home..#i walked by a school and besides the fact that i felt so depressed bc just looking at these kids and adults i have NO hope for the future#i saw two boys on a bench as i walked by... and i just thought they were talking. and too late i realized that no one of the boys were#bullying the other boy. the bully walked away and the other boy just sat there looking so lifeless and dejected#a teacher came and sat down w that boy and i just kept walking. even if i wanted to say smth it's like what would i even do abt that situati#that made me so sad both bc that boy.. he looked so dejected and used to it. that anxiety going to school knowing you're bullied is awful#and like i imagined talking to him and saying heyyy if you're lucky you'll grow up to be 25yrs old#live like a parasite off your mom and be on wellfare and never have had a job :)#you'll have no education or highschool diploma :) you will still struggle to finish hs even at an easier level :)#you will also not have had friends in 10yrs and you'll be terrified of ppl and getting close to anyone and even going outside!!#you'll have no interests and hobbies and skills! you'll simply be a waste of space loser being a burden on everyone around u!#whoop whoop stay alive buddy it will only get worse ❤️#god i just wanna cry. how did i let my life turn out this way??? i used to be full of dreams and life and passion and HOPE#i used to believe in things and in people. i had so many dreams and i wanted to try and do so many things#now all i can think is 'i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die'. im miserable wherever i go lmao#there's this bridge over the highway i have to cross when i walk to school and every time i look down at the trafic and when a truck drives#by i feel my entire body vibrate. i just wanna jump and get mauled by it.#or i dont *want* to but i feel so deeply and desperately that it's the only way for me#only way to make it stop hurting. and i am weak. i dont know how to just 'stop' or take control of my life. thats why i wanna die#bc i know that i wont be able to. that my life will never amount to anything#for fuck's sake my dream now is just to have my own 1bedroom apartment and have a shitty job - like in a grocery store or whatever!!!!!#not even that can i make happen! bc im so worthless i cant do anything. im also stupid so i wouldnt be able to do my job right#i dont know... i dont know... these feelings and thoughts are too much i just wanna relax#but i cant bc my ribs hurt and idk if it's heartburn or an ulcer 💀 why am i even alive???? what am i doing all this for? 😭#my thoughts ran away but i meant like seeing that reminded me of how much of a failure i became#bc of my circumstances and all the shitty ppl around me thru out my life
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carcarrot · 4 months
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do i really want to make individual drinks again
#reaching back into the file cabinets of my mind to remember how i made certain drinks when i worked at the cafe#in preparation for the possibility of this new job#it would certainly mean far less goofing off time than i have at my current job. and i value my goofing off time dearly#but the people here are so fucking annoying lmao. i hate them soooo much#not that the people at this new job would be any better. we're still dealing with investment bankers#godddddd. what i really would want (which would be impossible)#would be to go back to working at the cafe but like. still have paid time off and insurance lmao#but the cafe was a small business and he was not offering paid time off and insurance. and the pay was way less#but i did get to play whatever music i wanted. unfortunately you cant live on that#like i can always say no to this new job if its offered to me. but is my goofing off time worth:#2 dollars less in pay and a half hour to an hour's more commute. well i dont know#a shorter commute would mean i could sleep more. and have more time at home .#i mean i probably don't Need all this goofing off time. but its nice#i dont knowwwwwww#like even though im a bit nervous abt doing it again i know that i would easily fall back into the routine of making drinks#which i was fairly good at. my one drawback is that i cant do latte art but i dont know that theyd really care here#and (because i found the menu of where id work) theres not a ton of drink options?? just the standard stuff#its being called a starbucks cafe but 1) its not managed by them and 2) it does not have their 5 billion drink options#so thats good. less to worry about#doesnt look like i even have to make anything foodwise which i had to at the cafe#here it looks like people can just buy a pastry and thats it#the hours are like. the same i work now. also good#sorry im like using this post to think through my thoughts.#uhhhh oh i looked up the manager who looks like a weenie so im not keen on the prospect of interviewing with him#but i probably would have thought that about my current manager if id seen a pic of him prior to interviewing. i guess???#and with these kind of catering units it seems you dont often deal directly with the manager that much anyway#i just gotta see if i get good vibes#rn i have unsure vibes. but i need a sign to see if this could be good for me#oh id also save money on transportation. and taxes! bc i wouldnt be working in ny anymore#lol oops tag limit. well i hope you enjoyed my job thoughts you probably didnt i know i didnt
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ratatatastic · 7 days
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#“would you still love me-”“who said i loved you”#“we literally just had an indepth conversation about how i would take your cat if you died and the plan was that was gonna fake being#your secret gay lover to your mother because she already thinks we've been fucking for the past 8 years#and wouldnt bat an eye if i said that and we had this whole bit where youd buy me A RING-“#do i also have to mention you just stuck your hand in my pants because you think the rips in them are egregiously big and think they#shouldnt be considered pants just to prove a point and yet you cant believe that people think it looks good#even as a drunk guy got a little touchy and complimented said “pants” in front of you#but tbf i did wear them because i knew itd elicit a reaction because last time you did the same exact thing#except it was in front of the person you were dating at the time who was sandwiched between us in a shitty sportsbar booth#which you know was something alright.#you know what i have to shut up#guys never get a codepent homoerotic friendship from highschool because you heal from the codependency as adults#but the homoeroticism and all the baggage it carries still chugs along#whats it like not having a guy being really excited to show you how they wooed their partner which was this spinny pin maneuver#by demonstrating it on you WHILE SAID PARTNER WATCHED and being very adamant that you can imagine it you dont need to actually show it on-#but he REALLY wants to do it and you could never really say no to him and you have to suck up your pride and get fucking pinned to a wall#at his parents place BECAUSE ITS HIS MOTHERS BIRTHDAY BECAUSE THIS WAS THE PARTY HE WANTED TO SHOW OFF HIS PARTNER TO HIS FOLKS#you know what i have to actually shut up like actually
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fembutchboygirl · 7 months
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I just learned something so incredibly fucked up
#i am trembling#i cannot let this enable my issues with paranoia further! haha! oh my fucking god#im not joking btw im literally physically trembling. how did this happen oh god oh GOD nononono dont let it get to you#i just need to know. was someone like. double dealing? was someone telling him about it#i wouldnt give a shit if they were stalking me online occasionally (well id care a little bit but honestly itd just be kinda fucked)#but if someone was telling him about me and my personal stuff?#stop. i dont want to think about it. i dont want to think it happened. i have to get this out of my head#but still. absolutely fucking deranged.#ESPECIALLY bc apparently he's been saying i “made him think he was abusive'' and that doing that was shitty of me bc he actually#just has bpd??????#sol if you're reading this listen closely: one of my best friends has bpd. diagnosed and everything. so shut the fuck up#much like you've been saying i blamed my adhd for being neglectful (read: not meeting your sky-high standards for Truly Loving You 24/7)#you cannot blame your bpd for what a shit person you've been#repeatedly asking you to work on a flaw that's been hurting me is not telling you you're abusive you fucking prick#get a life‚ learn to care about other people away from what they can do for YOU‚#and LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.#p.s. imagine being mad that people who were friends with both you and your partner didnt suddenly cut the other one off after you broke up#like actually angry at these people. what the actual fuck. you're like a divorced parent upset that their child still talks to their ex-wife#my posts
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hellhoundlair · 1 year
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venting sorry. i get emotional thinking of the media both me and my dad loved growing up and the father daughter bonds that were the highlights of those movies and tv shows to him and i feel like i failed
#my dad and i used to watch adventure time together and my dad LOVED simon and marcy and he learnt daddy why did you eat my fries on the#guitar and i used to sing it with him. and one time when i was 14 ish and severely depressed and anxious we had people over#and my dad was talking about adventure time lmao and was getting his guitar and wanted me to sing it with him and i just said NO.#because i was mad at him. and embarassed. and we never sung it together ever again. its been too long now. that window has closed.#but i wish we could#my relationships with my dad never really recovered after my teen years and its hard to talk to him.#i wish i could talk to him. we are really similar. in the bad ways too#vent#SORRY GUYS i need to find a therapist#my family just never talks abt their feelings. or when they do its when theyre angry. i dont feel like i can bring this up to them.#i just hate knowing i rejected my dad like that. he probably saw me not wanting to sing w him as very personal. not that hed ever say it#AND FUCKIN INTERSTELLAR me and my dad both loved interstellar at a time when i was -again- severely depressed and locking myself in my room#and the father and daughter go have scenes that feel very similar to things that were going on in my house at the time. where shes#baracading the door and not letting people in. it rly hit home is what im saying#and my dad loved the movie i loved it too but the family relationships in the movie were never discussed whenever we talked abt it#but for christmas one year my dad gave me a watch. like the one fuckin matthew mcconoughey give his daughter in the movie#and i wear it all the time. it makes me fuckin cry sometimes that stupid fucking watch. but it means so much.#i just wish hed talk abt his fucking feelings so i wouldnt need a watch to know my dad still loves me#also this post is about transitioning and my dad feeling like he lost that father daughter bond with me but we wont get into all that
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muttsona · 6 months
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i am the poisoned blood running through my tired veins
#personal#ITS SO MOT FUCKINH FAIR.#since he hates me now i dont care if he sees this and im pretty sure i fucking blocked the reat of them so idontfucking care#i hate all kf them so much and i dont fucking care how bad they hurt. i hurt too#for some INSANE REASON i was the only oke that had to apologize. why did they never apologize .#they know they hurt me. He knkws he hurt me.#when j say this they think im selfish. they can think what they want.#byt jts fucking crazy to act like im the only one tjat did anything wronh#i fucking admitted i was wrong. but it wasnt enough. notjing is ever enough for them!#if He ever tries to text me again im not responding. it was stupid of me to respons.#i wonder what he would say if he knew that i chose ro respond by chance of a coin flip#if it had landed on tails i wouldnt be making this post.#he cares more than i do. i dont have the luxury of caring.#he says “i led him on” but if he wanted skme speicodx kind of love fucking say skmething#i didnt knkw i was supposed to be differenr. if he had said that from the dtart i never would have agreed.#i didnt want to change for him.#he shouldve been different and he shouldve been better#i shouldve been too. but atleast i can admit ghat#what the fuck do you mean when you say you understand why j do what you do and uou get it so deeply#but then you still leave. does rhat mean you understand how much you hurt me that first time#it barely hurts anymore. but i cried four times last nigjt#now i dont feel it and now i dont care. youll never knkw little i can let myself care#ill distract myself until i forget all about you because i csnt let myself feel any of this#i dont care if im not changjng the way you begged me to. thats not an option rigjtnmow#im still fighting to stay alive. i dont know that you understand what thats like#you say you get it. i tjink you just say that#you loved me and i dont like that. i warned you and you dwatted my warning away#how is that all my fault.#how is all of this my fault.#💭
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themyscirah · 6 months
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Started thinking about the Amanda Waller + Ben Turner relationship again.... fuck, I'm gonna need a minute
#I JUST- SHDIAUDJSHDSHEYEYRYRYRY guys. guys#i know none of you see my vision and thats okay. i will make you see my vision. i will force you to see my vision. i will-#like jesus fucking christ oh my god. its so interesting and gives me so many emotions and just!!!#i know im not making sense bc none of my moots are sui sq fans and also like half of the content fucking me up specifically here is in my#head because i cant stop thinking about my absolute power fix it au but like!!!!!!!#also the fact i have a fix it for a comic that isnt out yet is so funny to me. its literally fucking real though. god knows we need it#may my own content carry me through the dark times (extreme villain waller arc)#anyways this fucks me up so bad you dont even know. someday ill actually explain it#dc hire me to write a suicide squad ongoing PLEASE. i could do it so good it would be so fucking good dc PLEASE 😭😭😭😭😭😭#also like this isnt me shipping them btw. like 110% not that. just to clarify.#i wouldnt even call it a friendship bc like. theyre not friends really. he has the most equal dynamic with her i would say but it still isnt#equal. shes v much his boss even though they have an understanding and respect there#like she believes and trusts in him much more than anybody really even himself. like she sees the good man and the leader even when he#doesnt. but she isnt nice about it. and there is a lot of conflict between them when there needs to be#like as much as ben is “wallers man”--the team leader she wanted from the beginning before rick flagg pushed his way in#ben i would say is still a very moral person even when lost and unsure of himself and his goodness (which is like one of his main things)#like i feel like while amanda can lean very into a “the ends justify the means” mindset in her worse moments and do bad things to get#herself out of a corner ben has like a deep and meaningful understanding of how the choices of your methods and how you act can weigh on you#like even though he was brainwashed and whatnot (thats still the story right? i cant remember) he holds a lot of guilt and baggage over his#actions and i think is able to temper amanda's worse tendencies in terms of that by calling her out when he recognizes that behavior#idk. i just really think that amanda waller and the suicide squad as a whole has lost its way without a more moral authority presence there.#like someone who can call her out and keep them more on track. which i really thing ben is and could be#i just very much am interested in their dynamic and how that would look like as equals and how i think they could help each other.#which ofc is what my wip is about and revolves around#blah#sui sq
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i solemnly swear not to write a fic with a similar premise as one ive done in the past but also i like it when people slow dance.....
#snap chats#im thinking of those geezers again.... forgive me father.....#im making my fanfic in the tags fuck it. no one read these im being cringe but i need to be free#anwyay.... i want yokoyama to show me the tally chart for how many nights arakawa and jo stay late at the office alone#just_the_two_of_us.mp3 right and i hope arakawa has a lil radio playing music#maybe some songs they'd play in the background of his stageplays... maybe even a lil miyamo haruki...#we call that a callback heh.... cause i ref'd her b4..... moving on....#i hope arakawa gets that Boss Sense and knows jo's done with his work for the night and invites him in his office#and i hope when he walks in a new song starts and then arakawa gets A Look right#just a small aside a small laugh like Oh Akane Never Liked This One but then goes on how she was still happy to dance with him to it..#and jo just. 🧍‍♂️ . like how does he respond to that. just smile and nod boys smile and nod. except jo doesnt smile he just nods#AND OF COURSE THE LEGALLY REQUIRED QUESTION 'do you dance jo' and no ! he does not. never has most likely never will#until that night anyway <3 one 'it's easy' later and they're just squished in that space between arakawa's desk and the couches#and it just nice bro... maybe arakawa talks a bit bout the song/s that are playin and the genre as a whole#jo wont say much.. he's very much a listener and thats ok hes always happy to lend an ear to arakawa#yk.. just regular things to do with your co workers haha...#i hope jo opens up about his music preferences... of which i dont know what they'd be sincerely#the comedy bit of my brain only imagines metal/rock but i truly wouldnt know...#if he likes art then he might like the same kind of music arakawa enjoys.. my fave bit they can be art enjoyers together....#lmao bye arakawa thinkin to himself What A Nice Moment and jo's just trying his best not to literally step on his toes#or just fuck up in some way like my man RELAX this is supposed to be RELAXING#would arakawa notice how tense he is omg. making myself insane the more i type I WILL NOT OPEN A GOOGLE DOC I REFUSE#the visions will just have to torment me... i must make more arasawa asap...#i have another dorky vision in mind that's a sequel to that comic i shat out a couple nights ago... its short but its cute i think..#maybe tomorrow as a warm up or after i do a lil of comm stuff... for now gn.... i love old people....
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snekdood · 10 months
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idk who needs to hear this (vaush) but being a skilled debater and being Good With Words does not make you correct.
#just bc you can finesse your audience into believing anything you say bc you're good at convincing them STILL doesnt make you correct#on everything bud.#spewing incorrect shit just bc you know you can get away w convincing ppl of it makes you no better than the alt righters you hate#its like he learned he could convince everyone hes correct if he words things the right way and decided his biased opinions#was what everyone needed to be taught as fact. fucking wild.#'durr its not my fault if my audience uncritically believes everything i say' yeah it kinda is bc you kinda set it up as#'if you dont agree with me you're just dumb and dont know anything'#also even if you jokingly say 'im always right' doesnt mean 1. thats not gonna subconsciously effect you to make you think you Are#and 2. that doesnt mean everyone knows you're joking.#so fucking pissed at him for this. unbiased my ass#maybe he lost a huge chunk of fans all at once so hes doing everything he can to keep the remaining ones not sure#oh well. at least hes not as bad about it as keffals. though i am still starting to get culty vibes from vaushs audience now.#at least the ones perpetually in his chat.#also then again i wouldnt exactly consider keffals anything near a 'skilled debater'#and before any a yall accuse me of kds bitch idgaf about the noodles shit. its dumb. i understand nuance.#unlike yall who are devolving into b/w thinking where you think anyone critical of your faves is just a wokescold with#[enter name] derangement syndrome#only reason i stopped interacting w keffals shit is i realized she would never respect me as a person so yeah. same w vaush quite frankly.#keffals dismissing trans mascs. vaush acting like ppl who believe in shit are all mentally ill. yeah im over them for that shit.#like get fucked you up-your-own-asses elitist tools#ig that one applies to vaush more. keffals just doesnt care about anything but herself it seems like.
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minarcana · 2 years
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#ok guess what fuckers youre going to be on another tag ramble adventure with me#ive been afflicted with the same images in my brain tumbling around and the only way to free my brain is to write them out#and anyways i have been contemplating wol au uri for a bit due to various reasons (he came up and then i got this image and couldnt be free#shb with uri as the wol is. after killing vauthry. he is SO fucked up that raha STILL wont just let him die#he was supposed to have raha send him to the rift with the light and let him die there but now that he cant stop him rahas taking it himsel#and theres the whole. 'no we really cannot have the wol die.' thing.#that makes it infinitely worse to uri. him just yelling through blood to let him die! let him have his turn! he WANTS to die!#the idea of bring told that the wol CANT die makes it so much more unfair to him#'you wouldnt know what to do if i died? i didnt know what to do for years after louisoux died! i still dont know what to do without moenbry#da! papalymo can sacrifice himself and everyone adapts! shtola has thrown herself to the lifestream twice! minfilia died! i had to stay sil#ent and let ryne choose her own path if she died or not! i cant tell people that i would be lost yet everyone gets to tell ME that?#do you think i am better than them do you think them worth less why do they have the right to die and i do not!'#he is SO SO SO much worse as a wol and it falls out in one outburst after hes quizzed as to why he thought he could sacrifice himself#but he also realizes that its really fucked up to say that aloud so yknow. yknow what. yknow.#hell bottle up all his feelings and then one day hell either die or start crying and it looks like he aint allowed to die!#he still takes the aid from ardbert at amaurot with the statement that#'if i dont try and save who i might then ill never be able to face moenbryda'#anyways cannot stop thinking about me giving uri the echo like 'this will be funny!' and hes just 'my life has become infinitely worse'#HEAD IN MY HANDS
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flyingspicerack · 1 year
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ive gotten back to working on the fic... i had a big bout of doubt there because i was worried the way i write ichi isnt in canon enough, that it's not... good enough.. and that ive seen some opinions on him recently that i dont agree with but... thats just what they are, other people's opinions... they can have their own while i have mine, and thats fine... people can coexist with different opinions... nods ok tad talk over
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skeletalheartattack · 2 years
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i have a feeling that you'd really like male omega from ffxiv
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ohhhh i see i see!!! i don't know much about him but i think he looks pretty :) love a dude with eyeshadow
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starrbucky · 4 months
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#cant believe i spent three years telling myself he was just a guy and i was in love with the idea of him not the real him#and that he was nothing special yada yada yada#and then he had the AUDACITY to come back into my life and prove to me that i was WRONG#and i tried SO HARD to deny it but hes SO GOOD goddamn him#hes sooo kind and thoughtful and smart and gentle and i HATE HIM i want to see him every day for the rest of MY LIFE#i want to make him breakfast!!! do you know how bad it has to be for me to want to make a man ANYTHING?#i want to cook a nice warm breakfast and bring it to him in bed and wake him up gently and all that shit that makes me want to VOMIT#FOR A MAN#i cant stress how fucking out of the ordinary that is for me#and still he wants nothing to do with me!#he cares about me. and he obviously thinks im smart and has a pretty good opinion of me#and theres no doubt hes attracted to me cause he cant treat me like a normal fucking human being and be my friend without hitting on me#but he does not WANT ME#he doesnt eat breakfast! hes always in a rush in the morning so he prefers to just skip it! he wouldnt eat breakfast in bed anyway!#and now that ive finally come to this realisation hes fucking MOVING#and im the only one he told like WHY would he do that when he knows i cant be normal about him!!!#and when i reacted the way that i did to the news he tought i was worried about my promotion of all things#cause yeah hes also my boss in all of this since things were so easy#and im like how can you be the smartest person i know and also so fucking DUMB i dont give a shit about a promotion i want you to STAY#STAY.HERE.WHERE I AM. WHERE I CA MAKE YOU BREAKFAST AND PRETEND I JUST CASUALLY BROUGHT FOOD TO WORK WHEN I BROUGHT IT JUST SO THAT I COULD#OFFER IT TO YOU AND YOU COULD SAY NO. I KNEW YOU WOULD SAY NO AND I STILL WANT YOU TO STAY#and i cant say that to him cause i know he KNOWS and thered be no point but im fucking going craaaazy over this like THIS IS NOT ME#and in all of this i know i deserve better. cause i know hes stringing me along whether hes aware of it or not but im tired of this#this has been going on for five years now. im tired of it#and yet i yearn😩 boy do i yearn#anyway ill be back in a couple of months with the next installment of how this 5y half situationship is fucking over my life#for the time being just#ignore me
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29121996 · 5 months
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Lucky Girl Syndrome!! / theodore nott x fem reader
playlist : lucky girl syndrome - illit
summary : y/n has always been just a lucky person , in her acedemics , looks , friends , family and even in her general day to day. however she wasnt so fortunate when it came to her love life...but maybe it wasnt luck chasing love away , but instead someone close to her?
y/n , slytherin reader , fluff , swearing , arguing , jealous theo, anrgy theo and reader
a/n - as an extremely unlucky person- this fic gave me inner peace LMAOO
thats that me espresso! (another theo fic)
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you walked happily though the halls , narrowly missing a prank set up by the weasley twins as their failed trick of a water bucket soaked them and left you completely dry. how lucky!
"i swear there is something wrong with that girl like she has some kind of force feild!" george sighed in frustration , their 3rd prank of the week failing to actually get you.
"God has favourites georgie, he has favourites ," fred patted georges back as they both sulked away to dry their now drenched clothes.
of course you were olbivous to the whole thing! your stroll down the hallway continued , the sun hitting your face in just the right way as you reached the great hall , practically skipping to the slytherin table.
"hi guys!" you exclaimed excited as you sat down at just the right time to ignore the apple that had just come flying at your head.
hearing the apple crash to the ground you turned again , confused seeing the apple roll around on the ground.
"shit , sorry y/n i was aiming for harry but he dodged!" ron shouted apologetically across the room.
"dont worry r-" you started until you were interuppted by your best friend theo besides you, who held a cold glare at ron.
"do that again and it wont be an apple flying at your head weasley!" theodore shouted at him as ron awkwardly looked away.
"dont theo , it was an accident," you said putting a hand on his arm as he immediatly softened.
"youre too kind y/n you shouldve been in hufflepuff," pansy said with a sigh.
"green suits me more," you smiled at pansy as she giggled ,"besides i can be quite mean when i want to be."
"youre not wrong about that , you nearly broke my ribs with that bludger in quidditch!" draco complained , still not letting go of a quidditch incident from 2nd year.
"draco i really wish you would get over that , it was my first match i was nervous and thought you were on the other team," you sighed starting to eat your food.
draco grumbled in response until the whole table turned around to look at something behind you, in confusion you turned too and saw a ravenclaw boy in your year.
"hi y/n i was just wondering if maybe you would-" the boy , named david, started to speak until catching his eye on something besides you. waiting for him to carry on he instead shuddered with fear and backed away instantly , practically running back to the ravenclaw table.
"david!" you tried to call after him , but instead he walked faster , sitting himself down and avoiding eye contact at all costs.
"the fuck? what...what did i do?" you asked your friends frantically , knowing that he intended to ask you out before he suddenly stopped.
"you didnt do anything sweet y/n ," matheo started before shifting his eyes to theodore next to you, "maybe a greater force got in the way?"
confused by his choice of words you looked back at david , a look he didnt return. in frustration you held your head in your hands and groaned , "im so unlucky!"
"i wouldnt say that," blaise scoffed as the whole friendgroup nodded , knowing luck was not your lack.
"no i mean unlucky in love! david was clearly going to ask me out but just like the gryffindor from last week he couldnt even finish his scentence and ran!" you sighed , venting your anger to your friends.
"yeah well you can do much better," theodore remarked in a cold tone , his eyes still peircing where a shaking david sat. as you watched theodore stare and david cower , everything seemed to click into place.
"theodore!" you snapped at him , making him finally turn and look at you , "yknow sometimes i think that you drive them away!"
"you think!" lorenzo scoffed as pansy smacked him on the arm , quickly shutting him up.
"i havent done anything, its not my fault he ran off , what could i have done?!" theodore argued back as the rest of your friend group watched him in disbelief , knowing he drove david , the guy from gryffindor and every guy ever, away.
you scoffed ,"oh really so you didnt death stare him? he clearly looked at you before running!"
"wow i didnt know you would get so touchy about david the ravenclaw!" he said in a mocking tone as you both seethed with anger.
"read the room theodore for fucks sake! maybe i do want to go on a date , maybe i wouldve said yes! i didnt notice at first , how every guy just bolted as soon as he looked at some mysterious thing next to me , now i realise it was you probably doing a cut throat gesture!" , you ranted at theodore as draco tried to hold in his laugh.
"maybe he had an epiphany about you or something!" theodore tried to argue back , all of you knowing he couldnt really deny anything you said , it was all true.
"what- you think its me driving them away? stay out of my love life theo its none of your fucking business!" you harshly shouted your final remark before getting up from the table and stomping out of the great hall.
"there goes that mean streak i was just talking about," draco mutters , shaking his head and continuing to eat his food.
the table sat in silence for a few second before mattheo spoke up again, "you kinda deserved that."
"fuck off!" theodore snapped as he jumped up and strode after you , and out the great hall.
----
walking into your dormroom you threw your robe off of you and loosened your tie , trying to lose some of the heat from your argument.
pacing the room your thoughts were interrupted as the door burst open , theodore walking in and standing in front of you , keeping a fair distance as you stared back at him.
"what do you want now theo!! do you want to control my friendships? maybe throw a glare and a threat at enzo and draco and maybe they'll stop talking to me aswell!" you shouted at him loudly now, as venom dripped from your words.
he stepped towards you quickly , as you tried to back away- he grabbed the sides of your face delicatly.
"i want you," he said , his voice just above a whisper as your heart burst into flames , the heat dispersing itself across your cheeks.
"d-.. theo dont say thing you dont- that you know you dont mean," you said avoiding his gaze , shaking your head as your voice had dropped to an insecure mumble.
"y/n i have only ever wanted you , i glare and i threaten and i hate the boys that ask you out because i want you. i need you." he said softly , pulling your face closer to his , forcing you to hold eye contact.
"theo i-" you started as he cut you off quickly.
"please if youre going to reject me just know....know that ill tell david to ask you out , ill never do anything to intercept love for you again. i promise , just please... let me down easy.." he spoke quietly , insecurity and sadness seeping though his words.
this time it was you that softly garbbed his face and lifted his eyes to meet yours , "theo...maybe i didnt realise it until now but...i have always liked you."
his sadness faded as he looked at you with shock , his silence allowing you to continue in a lighthearted way, "maybe ive glared at a few girls too , unknowingly of course!"
you both laughed at this as he looked at you like you painted the stars into the pitch black sky , "im sorry for pushing those guys away...well not really but more like im sorry that you got sad about it"
you laughed again before allowing yourself to get lost in his eyes , the green like that of a four leaf clover- rare yet so beautiful , "maybe im not so unlucky in love afterall , it was right there in front of me the whole time."
he smiled at you with adoration before pulling you into a sweet , loving kiss. fortune was on your side today , as it brought you your luckiest pull yet , theodore nott.
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bestlilithian · 3 months
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The lilithian experience (lilith dominant chart)
Personal experiences w having heavy lilith influence
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- Older people being creepy subtly or overtly, but usually subtly with certain looks or touches or comments, especially strangers in public or distant family friends
- Being told Im scary or intimidating, or that I look mean (a girl once told me she thought I wouldnt want to hang out w her and her friends because I looked 'too pretty and kinda mean') [this is esp w lilith/asc harsh aspects]
- Lilith square asc culture is walking into a room a little pissed or in a hurry and everyone shutting up (also works for mars/pluto)
- Now Ive never heard anyone else talking about this but as a lilithian woman Ive always been disgusted by the idea of having sex with a man because in our culture a woman who has sex w a man is seen as having been dominated and degraded by him ("I fucked her" "I hit that" "I scored") also the act itself is very power struggle-ish like no *I* want to bend over a man and make him suck *my* dick
- Ive also noticed a lot of lilithian women are lesbians (including me <3) , might deal w lots of comphet tho
- Being hyperaware of people looking at you (even if youre dressed extremely modestly or without makeup)
- Lilith/moon aspects 🤝 your mom making inappropriate comments about you and your body
- Lilith/sun aspects 🤝 your father insulting you or making weird comments (more subtle w soft aspects so you might brush it off but its still not okay girl)
- People thinking youre flirting with them or others (esp men) but youre just hot and talking, and you cant help that ppl have strong reactions to anything you say really
- Loving eye contact <3 (w the right people)
- Lilith square saturn culture is not being afraid to stand up to authority <3 and having to quite often because they have a pick on you and try to tear you down
- also w lilith square/opposite saturn grown ass adults will have beef w you when youre a kid, esp those w authority over you like teachers, coaches etc
- Lilith/asc harsh aspects and overthinking whether a fit is too revealing or not (because you dont want to get harassed and looked at again) (but then youll grt harassed even if you go out in a priests suit so 🤩)
- People (esp men) trying to use you for sex
- Always being the one guys want to be friends w benefits with while theyre crushing on another girl
- "I dont like what you do to me" - most men Ive interacted with for a while
- A guy told me he liked me for who I am but he couldnt stand "the effect I have on him"
- lilith in 4th house culture is attracting men w mommy issues and being looked at by guys in relationships
- lilith/mercury and needing to know all your friends bdsm test results
- People liking when youre mean 2 them
- People who hate you often want to have sex w you
- Ive had so many guys in my class literally have to gather up courage to talk 2 me, even for basic things like asking me to help w something, they approach me looking all tense and worked up like Ill slice their head off for asking me to help them with their math lmao
- A classmate (and friend, apparently) of my friend once didnt want to come out and meet me when I went to my friends school to give her something because she thought Id beat her up (for context I found out she said some nasty things to my friend and was not happy about it)
- Being told by ppl (esp men) that I remind them of characters who are villains
- People esp girls not liking me for no reason or being rude
- Guys in relationships being extremely cold and rude to me or even shittalking me to their gfs (you can guess why)
- People trying to 'put you in your place'
- Recognizing other lilithians immediately
- Being insecure about your private parts, your body in general and your appearance
- Sex obsession since a young age
- Sexual harassment unfortunately
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