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the-lisechen · 1 month

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~6.7k. gen. copia/f!oc. the cardinal has a cigarette with a fan. from there, it gets a little weird. (or: copia gets into a fist fight at 3am in a denny's parking lot over theology. metaphorically speaking.)

header by the divine @enjoy-my-swearing

(the fic that started it all and has eaten my brain ever since. don't mind me, i just wanted to reformat this one and also have it on my tumblr for posterity)

some kind of cosmic rearrangement - ao3

(full series here)

religious discussion, catholic character that isn't an asshole, unresolved sexual tension. tw: catholicism

Copia stepped out into the night, face paint mostly cleaned off, save for the black around his eyes. He couldn't even remember the name of the town they were in. Somewhere in the American South, the air warm and heavy with humidity that felt like silk against his skin. He settled his shoulders against the brick of the alleyway, and sighed, his blood still fizzing from the ritual. The comedown from the adrenaline dump always left him a little hollowed out and shaky.

As he passed a hand over his face, the car in front of him trilled out like a bird and flashed its lights. He turned to the sound of boots up the wet pavement. A small figure, female, dishwater blonde hair, head down, hands stuffed into black skinny jeans. Humming something he could recognize as one of his songs, and that never got old.

He watched her approach, curious. When she at last stepped into the light, she looked up at him, and startled like a deer. Her hands flew up to her mouth, and she squeaked out a breathless “Oh shit!” It took her a moment to recover, and my, wasn't that an interesting shade of pink. He’d seen people blush, of course, but this was remarkable, that red, that quickly.

He had to smile, even bowing a little. “Bunoasera, signora."

"Um! Hi! You are very good at your job!"

Her purse plopped next to her feet, and she knelt down to recollect it, the blush deepening to the color of late spring roses. "Sorry, I'm sorry--" she said, hands shaking as she scooped spilled detritus back into her purse, pens and lip balm spilling from her fingers.

He bent over to help her, smiling. "It is no trouble, signora. Not the worst I've seen." He paused, sitting back on his heels, and picked up a battered paperback the color of burnt orange. "'The Liberation of Theology.'" He looked up at her, mismatched eyes sharp, assessing. "This is what you read? At my show?"

The girl-- woman, really-- went still. She got to her feet and took half a step back, widening her stance, her shoulders squared. "Yeah." She tilted her chin up. "Is it really that strange?"

He flipped it to read the back cover, and her spine relaxed a fraction, with his focus off of her. "Perhaps... somewhat unexpected." An understatement. He stood, slow, putting himself further into her personal space, eyes still on the text in his hand. He read the subtitle. "'An instrument in human liberation.' Has it been?" He looked down at her, not exactly trying to loom, but not exactly going out of his way not to. "In your experience."

The woman folded her arms, leaning back against her car. Keeping her distance. "It can be. It should be." She flipped her keyring, once. "And in my experience? Yes, actually. But I am fully aware my experience may be-- atypical."

"In what way?"

"Well." She looked up, exposing the long pale line of her throat, and her Southern accent became gradually more apparent as she spoke. "I converted to Catholicism. Not really from anything, you understand, unless you count the vaguely agnostic Protestant background noise in America. And I did my catechism classes with a Capuchin Franciscan. A lot of mysticism. And a lot of social action to offset the navel-gazing that comes with that. The culture was-- it's different. I mean, how much do you know about liberation theology?"

"For the purposes of this conversation?" He idly tapped her book against his thigh. "Let us say... not much."

"In simple terms: feed the hungry, clothe the naked. Like the guy said in the book, right? It's both defending the poor and taking aim at the structural issues that are actively oppressing people. Real basic."

"You need a God to tell you this?"

He saw her warming to the subject, eyes alight and not quite on his. "Of course not, but it's a useful framework. And some people do! Whatever provides incentive. Besides that, it works on a practical level, if the Church is your primary social apparatus, that's a structure in place to distribute resources if the state is failing. I mean, the Jesuit approach in South America is not quite the same as the Black church in the Civil Rights movement in the USA in the Sixties, but it's not too far off, either. It's like--" and she cut herself off, the blush coming back, eyes cast downward. "It's just what's supposed to happen. What it says on the tin."

He ruffled the pages with a gloved hand a few times, watching her. "Incentive." He gestured at her with the book, halfway to accusatory. "If someone is doing something in expectation of divine reward, then they are, I'm afraid, an asshole."

"Man, I truly do not care about the motive. I care about the effect it has on the world. But faith without works is dead."

"You believe this."

"Yeah."

"You are this passionate about it, and yet you came to see me. My songs are nothing but blasphemy. Why?"

"Look, as blasphemy goes-- and I'm not trying to denigrate anything you're doing here-- this is just not that big a deal."

He stared at her. "I am literally praising the devil. Literal songs about, literally, devil worship."

"Yeah, and it slaps. Can I have my book back?"

He held it out carefully, as if it was a chunk of meat and she was a strange animal. One that might bite. "What is it, then, that qualifies as blasphemy? In your opinion."

She took it, opened the backseat door to her car, and tossed it in, careful not to turn her back on him. "I dunno. Start with that 'prosperity gospel' bullshit. 'If you're rich, it's because Jesus wants you to be rich!' Joel Osteen can bite the fucking curb. It's lazy exegesis, is what it is." Again, he saw her restrain herself, and she ran a hand through her hair, embarrassed. "I can go on. Obviously. But I think if you're getting bent out of shape about this kind of thing, you need to reassess your priorities."

"No, this is-- at least amusing. You haven't chased us out with torches and pitchforks yet, so I will continue to assume good faith." He smiled. "So to speak."

"Trust me, I am leaving a lot of stuff out." She fished around in her purse, picked out a brilliantly blue pack of cigarettes, and tapped them rhythmically on the heel of her hand. "So what's your deal? I don't know a lot about theistic Satanism. Pop the hood on it, man, tell me how it works."

"In simple terms?"

"Sure." She cracked a smile, thumbing a cigarette out of the pack.

"We honor the serpent that brought knowledge to Eve, as a liberator from the oppression of the corrupted demiurge that you call God."

"The snake, this was one of those gnostic things, right? That was, what, the Ophites? I thought they found it at Nag Hammadi."

"Fragments. References. But we have had the Syntagma for centuries. This was Hippolytus, yes? We borrowed a few things from Marcion of Sinope, as well. From those texts, and other pieces of what you would call apocrypha, we solidified a doctrine. Eventually. These things take time, no? Remind me, when did your people decide on the canon?"

"Council of Rome. I wanna say three..." she tapped the unlit cigarette, "...eighty seven? Somewhere in there. Fourth century, anyway."

"Just so. As a, you'd say-- distinct movement, yes? I would say sometime around the twelfth century that we came together."

"Hold on, twelfth century, evil demiurge-- what was this, like a splinter of the Cathars?"

"Not unrelated. When it came to that kind of dualism, we merely decided to side with the physical world."

"By running straight to the devil."

"Eh. No half measures."

"I'm just kinda surprised it got traction in that environment."

"Mostly on the-- margins, you would say? We had solidified the clerical structure some time before, modeled on the Catholic church. Camouflage, yes? But it was with the obvious corruption of the fourteenth century that we started to gain momentum. Acolytes. A whisper network of proselytization."

"That is neat. Like, what, a Dark Reformation kind of thing?"

"...That is, perhaps, somewhat reductive. But not inaccurate."

"Oh that is so cool. It's like finding a whole new life form in the Marianas Trench. No, I can see a kind of sense to it. Get far enough away from Rome, look as close as you can to the actual Church, you might get away with it."

"They did burn us. Your people did do that."

"I am sure that they did," she said, with a certain blithe amicability. "Burnt a lot of Cathars, too, makes sense. Sir-- Father-- I'm sorry. What is the title?"

"Cardinal."

A blink, barely perceptible. "Cardinal, then. Your Eminence, if you want me to stand here and apologize for every atrocity the Church committed, we're gonna be here all night, and it'll get boring quick. And, forgive me, at what point have I attached a moral judgment over your faith?"

He spread his hands, smiling a little. "Very well, I concede the point. You can understand if I am somewhat-- defensive."

"Yeah, of course." She grinned, mostly to herself. "And here I am, a good Catholic girl. Everything you rail against."

"Eh. It could be worse. You could be a Baptist."

She let out a laugh at that, an entirely inelegant sound, and Copia felt as if he'd won something.

"Oh. No. No, I couldn't. Too diffuse. A million different opinions going every which way. I'm also not into sola fide--"

"'By faith alone.'"

"Yeah. Not my bag. If it doesn't inspire you to help your fellow human beings and not just focus on your own salvation, it's probably bullshit." Finally she put the cigarette she'd been fidgeting with into her mouth. "Man. Cathars and gnostics." The woman brought out a burnished zippo and flipped the lid, a faintly musical sound. She didn't light her cigarette, but shot him a sidelong look, eyes alight. "Sounds more like heresy than outright blasphemy."

"Oh, now I'm offended." He was not, in fact, offended. He was fascinated. He wanted to study her under a microscope. "Certainly, that's the first time I've heard that. Maybe I should send you to talk to the-- ehh, how is it? The protestors. What do you call, the evangelicals, yes?"

"They don't like Catholics, either. The veneration of Mary, y'know? Idolatry." Finally she sparked the lighter, her face turning to alabaster in the light of the flame. "We're both going to hell in their lights. Just different neighborhoods." She bent her head to the light. A long drag on the cigarette, exhaling a plume of smoke upwards. "So no, I don't think going to a concert counts as a sin. There's just some songs I can't sing along to, is all."

Copia leaned back against the wall, arms folded, considering her. "You know that your Church would call this blasphemy. What is it, then, that you think I'm doing, if not spreading the word of Satan?"

A long drag of her cigarette. "Sick tunes, man," she said, around the smoke. Shrugged. "It's fun. And fun is underrated, as a concept."

"Signora, I don't think 'fun' is what brought you here." He leveled her with his mismatched stare, and she dropped her eyes.

"No," she said, studying the cherry on her cigarette. "No, fun would not be enough."

He took a step closer, not quite edging into her personal space. "What, then? What could possibly bring you to deny your programming, when you clearly believe with such conviction?"

The back of her shoulders hit the top of her car, but she tilted her head up at him in challenge. "Call it joy, then." A defiant kind of vulnerability. "That's what I hear in your songs. And that's a rarer thing."

"What a monstrous thing, to deny joy. To yourself, to others. That sounds to me like blasphemy. What abnegation of the self. We are not hurting anyone. I am not hurting anyone. Why not do as you like?"

"'An it harm none, do as thou wilt.'"

"Precisely."

"Isn't that, what, Louÿs by way of Crowley? Nineteenth century. I thought your stuff was older than that."

"That is beside the point and you know it. Answer me."

"Because that's where it falls apart for me! To begin and end with 'do no harm' does not work. You cannot always do exactly as you like, you have an obligation in society! Feed the hungry. 'Do what you want, whatever,' that's too passive. And being passive in the face of oppression is oppression! Come on, man, you must know this. You're too smart not to know this."

"I'm sorry, you want to talk about oppression? With the literal Catholic Church? With the colonialism and the forced conversion and the actual literal Inquisition? Even laying that aside, the harm it's doing now, how can you still stay with it?"

"Because that's not all it is! Not all it could be. Because it can be just, it can be equitable, and it can be used as a tool for liberation. I believe that, I do. And if if I'm in it-- and oh boy you would not believe how much I'm in it-- then I have a moral obligation to try to shape it towards those ends. Because those people--" she flung a hand out, gesturing towards what, he couldn't say, and he took a step back. "Those bullshit assholes that want to strip people of healthcare and gut the social safety net-- they're in my house! And they don't get to fucking win."

"You must see that this is about control. You are too smart not to know this."

The woman slumped back against her car, and took another long drag on her cigarette, before dropping it and crushing it under her boot, an oddly fussy swiveling motion. "I dunno, man. For me it's about service. You just don't fix something by walking away. And anyway I'm committed."

"I think you are tilting at windmills." He watched her, the last tendrils of cigarette smoke from her exhale the same blue-grey of her eyes, letting the silence linger until the smoke cleared entirely. "What is your name?"

She flicked her eyes back up at him, and then away, coming to a decision. "Sophia Turner." She bit her lip. "Sophie."

"Sophie. That's lovely."

"Thank you. And what do I call you? Feels a little weird, saying 'Your Eminence' to a guy whose faith you don't subscribe to."

He tilted his head in the faintest approximation of a bow, biting back a smile. "Copia."

"Well. I am delighted to make your acquaintance." Her accent more pronounced with the formality, a distinctly Southern drawl.

"You say you're committed. How? You don't have to stay anywhere forever."

"Oh. Oh boy. Um." She looked down at her hands, picked at the edge of a painted nail, and then turned to him, watching his mismatched eyes for a long moment. She smiled, a little rueful. "I am taking my vows in a few months." And to his blank look-- "The Maryknoll Sisters of St. Dominic." He blinked, recoiled a little, and she flinched, turning to look down the street, not seeing the rain on the asphalt, the streetlight shining on the fire escape. "I still don't think it's a sin. But it's-- maybe a little harder to square. After that. Wanted to see you while I could."

Her face composed. No-color hair hanging in grey eyes. He wanted to reach out, to brush it away, to see her clear, to make her look at him. A gulf between them, on the narrow sidewalk. Something twisted in his chest, at the waste of it, the thought of a fire like that locked in a cloister. And yet: "I could never fault someone for devotion to their faith. The discipline is admirable. Truly. But I would-- Are you allowed? To fraternize with the enemy?"

"Well. Maybe in the spirit of friendly ecumenical dialogue." She looked up at the streetlights, shoulders tensed. She chewed at her lip. "We are allowed to have friends, you know."

He had to drop his gaze, at that, a sharp inhalation. "Ah." And again: "Ah. Hm." He looked back up at her, at the tense muscle in her jaw, her face still resolutely turned away from him. "I wonder--?"

She darted a quick look at him, not quite daring to look at him full-on, yet, and made a motion for him to continue.

He had to smile, even if it was with a little trepidation. "Do you have another cigarette?"

That rough bark of a laugh again, and yes, it felt like a victory. "Yeah. Yeah, man, sure." She pulled out the cigarette pack and extracted one, holding it out with the slightest self-deprecating hint of ceremony. He took it between his gloved fingers, careful not to touch her. When he put it to his lips she leaned in to light it in a movement that seemed both courtly and instinctual, an ingrained habit. He couldn't quite look at her when she did it, shocked by the casual intimacy of the gesture. The warmth of the flame through his gloves, the first rough hit of smoke at the back of his throat and the head-swimming nicotine rush. An awful taste, and completely satisfying. He closed his eyes at it and drew in deep, amazed all over again at how much tension dissipated on the exhale.

When the initial wave of the nicotine high had passed, the fatigue settled in, and he tilted his head back against the bricks, eyes still closed, too tired to be on guard. "Where are we? I confess, I lost track."

"...Asheville, honey." A pause."D'jeet yet?"

Well, that certainly got him to look at her. "I'm sorry?"

"Oh, that was very pronounced, wasn't it? My apologies. Have you eaten?"

His brain felt like static. It was all the answer she needed. "What I figured. C'mon, I know a spot."

"I should--" He stopped, inexplicably stricken. "We're leaving in the morning. I don't remember where's next. Charleston, perhaps?"

"I'll have you home before bedtime, scout's honor." He hesitated. Gently: "I don't have designs on your virtue, Cardinal."

He was tired, and sore, and his head was starting to hurt somewhere behind his right eye. He could feel the dried sweat on himself, like a film, absolutely revolting.

"Alright," he said.

She led and he followed, falling into step at her left elbow, almost without thought. "This is the South, yes? We won't-- we might attract. Attention."

"Mm. I might would worry about it somewhere wasn't Asheville. Here'd probably be fine."

"That seems to be an awful lot of weight to put on 'probably.'"

"More worried about someone from your show running into us and losing their minds, be honest with you."

"As in, dropping their purse and squealing?" Was he enjoying this? He was.

"Oh you think you're funny. And I did not squeal."

"Heh. It was a little bit of a squeal."

"Ain't gonna argue the point with you."

The nicotine felt wonderful. He grinned up at the streetlight filtering through a magnolia tree, the orange light reflecting on the leaves, the faint citrus scent hanging in the thick air. He couldn't restrain himself. "You are not, I hope, leading me into temptation?"

"Oh, foul! Foul. Get thee behind me."

"Equally terrible, signora."

They lapsed into silence for a while. Copia came to the last quarter inch of his cigarette, pinching off one more drag before dropping it down a storm drain. The smell would linger, but it had been blissful in the moment. "So."

"So."

"Where are you taking me?"

"Barbecue joint, open all night. Just up here, actually. You had barbecue yet?"

"I have not."

"You in for a treat, then."

They rounded the corner, heading into the jaundiced sodium light of a patchy parking lot, under a flickering red neon sign. 'Little Pigs Genuine Pit BBQ.' It seemed somehow ominous, but the set of her shoulders reassured him. Somewhat. She pushed open the door with its small jangling bell to red vinyl booths, formica tabletops, wood paneling. Vinegar and roasting meat.

He could feel the eyes on them as she ordered for them both, in a dialect so thick it was almost incomprehensible to him. He stepped closer to murmur, "Coffee for me, please, signora," while he surveilled the crowd. Not outright hostile, had seen stranger things, maybe, but a collective flicker of curiosity before sliding off of them. That flat and unsympathetic gaze. Her accent helped. His obvious manners did as well. Still, he was on edge.

He stayed on edge until he slid into a booth opposite her with his back to the wall, and even then it only let up slightly, a background hum to go along with the labored air conditioning. The barbecue was very nearly worth it, salt and sweet and vinegar and umami, along with the blunt force animal pleasure at hot food after a long time without. He looked up at her, making an inarticulate noise of shocked delight through the sandwich, and she nodded in eager agreement with her mouth full. Swallowed. "I know, right?"

"You cannot convert me."

"Okay. Wasn't trying."

"If you could, this might do it."

"Welcome to the South. It's got problems, but there are compensations."

"So I see."

They lost themselves in the food for a little while, and Copia, a usually fastidious man, found that it was actually impossible to eat a barbecue sandwich neatly. After a while he gave up trying, grateful for the strange softness of American paper napkins. It made sense, if the food was like this. He eyed her iced tea, wondering about it, if that was also an American custom, or if it only applied to the region.

She caught him looking after half a second, and passed it over with barely an eyeblink of thought, the most natural thing in the world.

"Oh, and you've lost me. This is an obscene amount of sugar."

"They do call it 'sweet tea' for a reason."

"Are you sure that this isn't just colored sugar water?"

"Reasonably so. Might be accentual, brings out the depth of flavor, like. Least it isn't corn syrup."

"This is a nightmare dystopia you live in."

"Could be. Try one of them hush puppies, then you get back to me."

"Mm." Then, after following instructions, "I will concede on the food."

"Yeah. There's nowhere and nothing that's bad all the way through."

"Perhaps." He took another sip of her tea, pleased at her sputter of mock-indignation. "This brings me to where it falls apart for me. An omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, omnibenevolent God."

"That is the doctrine."

"Why, then, evil? Why suffering?"

"We going with theodicy, then?"

He motioned for her to continue, a little gleeful.

"Which answer would you like, from the, oh, four-five thousand years that this has been a question?" She tossed the rolled-up sleeve of her straw in his general direction, smiling. "Why you coming at me with this shit, man?"

"Ehh. I want to know what you think. You, not your Church."

She nodded, and poked at the ice in her tea with her straw while she gave the question the consideration it was due. Finally: "I like Simone Weil for this. You read any Simone Weil?"

"Let us say that I haven't."

"Okay." The vinyl booth squeaked as she leaned back. "This isn't necessarily unique to her, it's got a lot of similarities with-- a Jewish creation story, yeah? But creation is where God withdrew. If God is everything, for creation to exist, there has to be places where God is not. If there's places that God is not, then almost by definition they are not, inherently, holy. It's apophatic, unknowable, like John of the Cross or Kierkegaard or what have you-- I'm getting into the weeds here. Evil is the form which God's mercy takes in the world. Affliction-- she's got a specific term for this, she's talking about spiritual affliction more than physical affliction-- doesn't create human misery, so much as reveals it. And it drives us towards God."

"That sounds, if you will pardon me, fucking horrific. The act of a sadist."

"I don't know that I'm explaining this well. We are created matter, and with affliction we are consumed by God. In the Incarnation, God suffers affliction, is made matter, and consumed by us. It's reciprocal. And if you can go through affliction and still love, and recognize your fellow human being as someone else who has suffered like you, then your duty is to help."

"No, still terrible."

"How do your people explain it, then?"

"By not having an omnipotent deity, to start."

"...I walked right into that one. I surely did. Evil demiurge, again?"

"All about control," he replied, amiable.

"Fair enough. I'm not a Jesuit, I could maybe get at this better if I was. My whole thing with it is, there's a difference between affliction-- which is personal-- and, say, generalized oppression, right? The personal makes you more empathetic with the collective."

"I can see the logic there, yes. I do not know if I agree, but I can see it. But do you truly need to suffer to sympathize with another's suffering?"

She turned her glass around in her hands, focusing hard on the ridged plastic edges. "I'unno. Some things you don't understand till you've been through them. Difference between empathy and sympathy, I guess."

"This is, what. You say, 'the personal is political?'"

She cracked a grin at that. "Oh, you done a lot of reading on second-wave feminism, then?"

"Condescending and uncalled for," he said, wagging a finger at her, mock-stern.

She held up a hand. "Fair point, apologies."

"Te absolvo."

"Thank you." She turned her glass in her hands, trailing through the condensation with a chipped fingernail. "My point being. For me. Affliction leads to empathy, and empathy leads you to act. What's the quote. 'Misery as a collective fact expresses itself as an injustice that cries to the heavens.' That's Oscar Romero, I think? Yeah. Oscar Romero. Anyway the thing he gets at-- Saint Oscar Romero, excuse me, did a lot of stuff in El Salvador in the the seventies, but the idea being: turning people into commodities for economic oppression, that's sin. The idolatry of wealth, of 'national security systems,' that's sin. Divine love should be mediated through justice. Gloria dei vivens homo--"

"'The glory of God is the living person.'"

"Yeah, exactly. Romero was on some-- gloria dei vivens pauper, which I think is probably about right."

"'The glory of God is in the poor.' Hm. And how well did that work out for him?"

"Well. They shot the guy during Mass in nineteen eighty."

"A martyr's death. Isn't that what your people aspire to?"

"Not me, man. I wanna live. But yes, he did lean in hard after his friend was killed. That was an inciting incident. I won't deny it."

"So, what, it is acceptable for one death, if it spurs on 'the greater good?'" He made air quotes at her, and she frowned.

"Not gonna debate the very concept of martyrdom with you, but I'm gonna say no, of course not. But like. Me personally? Rather that than have it go to waste. Some right wing fascist chucklefuck takes me out, I'd sure hope my people'd leverage it for all it's worth."

He sat back and tipped his coffee at her. "Bleak."

"Maybe. We each owe a death. And I mean, despite the guy being beatified, he isn't even necessarily the main dude in Latin America. None of these are exactly new concepts, you understand. But as a modern movement, really, it starts in nineteen sixty-eight, with the Medellín conference in Colombia, kind of as a response to Vatican Two, and from there--" she stopped herself, and raised her glass of tea at him in mock-salute. "Minutiae. The point, and I think I'm cribbing from Ernesto Cardenal here, is that while God is love, love can only exist in accordance with equality and justice."

He tilted his head, raising his eyebrows in total skepticism. "I can only say that this has been-- the opposite of my experience. To put it in the most, eh, diplomatic terms possible."

"The Church has done horrible, fucked up things. Continues to do horrible fucked up things. In a space that big, though, there are always going to be practices that are inherently contradictory. This one is mine. And I have the benefit of being fucking right."

"You do see, don't you, how that-- attitude? Mentality, yes? Is dangerous. Even you! Even if I happen to think that you're right. Which I actually do. The benefit of Satanism, I find, is that we do have room for differences. It is, you would say, I think, built in? There is no wrong way to approach. You find your own way. Nobody will lead you, nobody will control you."

"And how far has that kind of rugged individualism progressed the reduction of human suffering?" she snapped.

"At least it doesn't perpetuate it!" he shot back.

They glared at each other over the formica, not quite snarling, equally frustrated.

The diner had gone quiet. Blank suntanned faces, the lone clink of a spoon in a coffee cup, the somehow awful bubbling of the deep fryer. A lot of people, for one in the morning, he thought. They looked at each other in mutual alarm for one tensed breath, and went for their wallets at the same time.

"No," he said, firm, fishing past Euros for American dollars. "You are taking a vow of poverty and I am an actual rockstar." He shot a stern glance at her opened mouth and felt a stab of immense satisfaction when she shut it, apparently- miraculously, even- chastised. He threw down enough to cover the bill and the tip and reached to drag her out, stopping short of actually touching her elbow at the last moment. "Come."

She went.

They escaped with the perversely jaunty ring of the bell over the door into the thick warmth of the night, and she brayed a laugh again, not quite on the edge of hysterics.

"Go, go, this could get ugly." But he was laughing, too. Madness. He'd seen these exact sort of people outside of a venue, enraged, faces red, carrying hateful picket signs. One small woman and one man frankly built like a noodle could be in real danger. Still, their laughter echoed down the gravel-lined drive they had ducked into, their boots crunching in a staccato rhythm in the stones. This was far too much adrenaline for one night, he thought.

While they slowed to a walk, he watched the fireflies darting upwards in the undergrowth, the ascending dashes of yellow-green light seeming fantastical to him, otherworldly. You heard of great masses of them, in America, but in such quantity it was like seeing a fairytale with your own eyes. They thinned out as the landscape started to shift, from residential suburbs to side streets.

"This was-- good. It was good, to get out. To talk. A lot of this, it is, ehh." He waved a hand in the general direction they were moving, to the venue, the concert, the tour. "Movement. Instinct. There is, by definition, no quiet. And that is fantastic, I enjoy it, I love what I do, I am fortunate in that. But it is not often that I get to speak about these things." The thud of their boots, and the high monotonous drone of a cicada somewhere off in the distance, blending with the faraway hiss of a car on the damp streets. "Thank you," he said, soft. "For this."

Her eyes forward, mouth closed tight. It took her a few steps before she spoke. "You are very welcome." She cleared her throat. "And I appreciate the outside perspective."

"Interesting thing, is it not? Having a vocation."

"Being called. Yes."

"What I do not understand-- and I do not wish to, as you said, litigate the very idea of martyrdom, of course--"

"Of course. That's above my pay grade anyhow."

"But the denial inherent in your practice. The self-denial. It seems to me a, hm. Turning away from joy. You say your God is love, very well. This is removed from my experience with Christians, but I do understand that it should be the intent. To claim that divinity is love and then to willingly cut yourself off from the experience of love seems to me contradictory. Not merely the physical, although that alone seems hideous. Some people of course are not interested, but this cannot be true of all your monsastics, your clergy, your unmarried."

"This is also an old question."

"You cannot tell me it is not vital. Few people are physically martyred, and I can see the value there, even if I think it grotesque. But this seems to me a martyrdom, and willing. And pointless. Everyone should be loved, yes? Is that not your very doctrine?"

"It is, but there's different kinds of love--"

"You are dissembling. Do me the courtesy, Miss Turner, of your honesty."

Copia heard her sharp intake of breath. He had stung her, and he very nearly regretted it.

"Discourtesy wasn't my aim, Cardinal. It's an old question, and people struggle. It's maybe the struggle, for most people, the stumbling block. How can I answer you? It's kind of a personal question, y'know?"

"I can see how it would be. I do not wish to intrude, but come now. What, you offer your suffering up to God? What kind of God would ask you to give up love in the very name of love? It's monstrous!"

"The standard answer is that one becomes the bride of Christ. My thinking is, in turning away from the singular, you're better able to focus on the collective. To focus, to pay attention. And attention in its highest form is prayer."

"You deny yourself. In denial, you turn away knowledge. You said this yourself, how can you understand suffering if you have not suffered? You should know joy, or else how can you understand joy? You should be free to do that, to be in the world, and the world is here! You are here, and while you are here you should be here fully. You should allow yourself to be loved!"

He had actually raised his voice, and his words hung in the thick air, almost suspended with the humidity. He couldn't take it back, and he fell silent, mortified. They had fallen to a stop.

"It's discipline," she said, helpless. She couldn't look at him, and he had to look away at her expression.

"In any case." He cleared his throat, and resumed walking. "Discipline I understand. There is discipline in my practice, you know."

"I can see that. Dedication, certainly. Seems like the whole world's against you. The dominant social climate is not accommodating to being that outspoken about, well, anything to do with sincere belief, really, but especially in your case."

"No. And in this situation, it is easy to-- tend to isolate. To stay in one's own community. Safer. Especially in a hostile environment. Anger is easy, you would say."

"Don't I know it. You do have to live in the world. I think you and I both have cause to be angry. Hell, we're probably angry at a lot of the same things. Coming at it from opposite directions, is all."

"The hypocrisy is galling," he agreed. "If I am a monster in the eyes of these people, let me be an honest monster. They feed their children poison and tell them it is virtue, to hate, to fear, I do not--" he cut himself off, blew out a laugh. "We are angry about the same things. The work is the same. We are both called to liberate, yes?"

"Yeah, I would allow that's fairly definitional."

"Here, you take that side, I will take this one, and we will meet in the middle and cast off all oppression," he said, grandly, sweeping out an arm as if he were back on stage. He echoed her smile on pure reflex.

"And all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well."

"Julian of Norwich. An anchoress." Something in the concept, and in the simultaneous hope and resignation in her face, pierced his heart all the way through. She was remote, and lost to him, a marble statue of a saint. The nature of his ministry was to encourage pleasure, of mind and of body, and he did want to break her out of the cell she'd walled herself off into. Perhaps merely for his own satisfaction, when freedom was the whole of his law. Even her freedom to walk into her own cage. "Not so much to be consoled as to console," he said, halfway to himself, watching her.

"Francis of Assisi. But I think you knew that."

"I did."

"You are something else, aren't you?" She looked at him, pleased and reassessing. He felt seen, almost entire.

It was not an entirely comfortable feeling. "Ah," he said. "Perhaps."

He recognized, now, the alleyway they had walked down, the venue shuttered for the night. The only lights inside were deep in the back, distant. Likely everything had been packed away, or near enough. Likely the ghouls were wondering where he was. And she was small, and faith alone would not protect her.

It was too much for him. "It is very late. And I do not know if-- do you have a place to stay? This is not, I think, your home."

"I don't and it's not." She waved him off. "Was planning on just sleeping in the car. The seats fold down, I got a pillow, it's fine."

"I don't like it."

"Ain't about what you like." She dropped her head. "I apologize, that was rude."

"No, it is only--." He rubbed the back of his neck, sheepish. "I do have a hotel room."

"No." It seemed reflexive. But he could see the split second flash of her face cracking open with sheer want. Watched her snatch her composure together just as quick, even as the afterimage lingered in his brain like the echo of a lightning strike. "No, I-- I do not think that would be a good idea."

"There is a couch, even. I could take the couch."

"Copia." Oh, and it was costing her. Painful to watch. That wretched self denial. "Please." A brittle little laugh, accent creeping back in as she forced herself to sound brighter. "I seen you bounce around that stage, you gonna need a mattress."

"Nothing you do not wish, Miss Turner. Never that," he said, as gently as he could. A breath of silence strung out in the thick air, the space of a heartbeat. "Anyways." He considered his position, took a breath, and made the leap. "It would be good to-- I would like to continue this argument. You have some time, no? Before you are-- fully committed. Come to Charleston. My guest. In the spirit of, eh, ecumenical dialogue."

That got a smile out of her. "I'll think about it."

"Please. Do."

"I will. I will think about it."

"In that case." He straightened his spine by three degrees, took the smallest step forward, and picked up her hand in both of his. Even though the gloves it made something catch behind his sternum, the stutter of some cog in engineering. He bowed over it as deeply as he ever had on stage, registered the barest breath of the smell of her, leather and nicotine and something like amber, a clean animal scent. It was only an instant, and he straightened with some regret. "I have enjoyed your company, Sophie."

"I--. Yes. Yeah. Me too." She squeezed his hand, once. "Very much. Be well, Cardinal." And then she slipped away.

He watched her carefully measured walk to her car, head held up with the dignity of the condemned. She opened her door and looked back for the space of one brief inhalation. Orpheus, he thought, nonsensically. He stared at her taillights, the red glow like eyes, the dragon's breath curl of exhaust, long after it had faded into the wide restless night.

It was another twenty minutes before one of the ghouls dragged him back inside.

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petite-cherry-blossom · 8 months

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My personal Weatherman – Taikan Yohou

The main characters – Segasaki and Yoh.

I'll disclaim in advance that there will be no plot in this dorama, but that is the beauty of it.

Segasaki is a weather presenter and Yoh draws eromanga. They met at university and fate has brought them together ever since.

Yoh has no money to pay the rent, so Sagasaki offers him a place to live together, but in return Yoh has to agree to everything they ask him to do.

For me personally, it's a little bit of a red flag (Segasaki can easily forbid Yoh to meet his friend in a cafe, and Yoh just has to accept it). I'll be honest, this relationship is weird, and in real life Segasaki is the kind of guy who should be fucked off, not even his godlike beauty could save him.

As I mentioned before, the eight episodes revolve around the relationship between the two main characters, we are included in all of Yoh's thoughts the whole time, the narration is almost all from his point of view.

Nevertheless, their chemistry is visible even to the naked eye, which is not surprising: the first thing they did when they moved in together was hook up. There is a peculiar problem built around this too, as Segasaki decided that they would only have sex before sunny days. Why?

It's a question that everyone was curious about, and the answer is pretty prosaic. Everything revolves around the weather (it's not for nothing that one of the main characters is a meteorologist).

– Hey. Why can’t we do it when it rains?

– Huh? Because you said so. When you first moved here and we did it.

– Huh?

– So you won’t have trouble with laundry.

I think I've rewatched it about eight times. It's hard for me to explain, but I was touched by literally every action, every look, every touch and misunderstanding.

Of course, Yoh had no idea that he was not just a servant to Segasaki, but the most precious person to him. And Segasaki is not good at using words, which is why we were stuck in the same place for a very long time.

But every interaction they had, the painfully ridiculous date, the dialogues - it all made my heart ache. It clearly states in black and white: Yoh fell first, but Segasaki fell harder.

Fanfact: when rewatching, I decided to start not from the beginning, but from the middle (first from the fifth series to the eighth, and then from the first to the fifth). And I was right! Exactly in the middle we start to be shown flashbacks of the characters' meeting, to which very nice and interesting references were made in the first episodes. Of course, when watching them for the first time, it is easy to just not notice them. So my idea was not as stupid as I thought at first.

– Put this in some Tupperware. I’ll eat it all. You’d better not eat any. This is mine.

I’m the only one who has to know that this carry tastes bad. He did the best to make it. That made me happy. That fact is all I need.

I'm very sensitive to this work, it deservedly became one of my favourites, because despite the simplicity of the plot, the characters are incredibly natural and beautiful in their "ordinaryness".

Yoh is a master of making things up (just like me), Segasaki is a expert at hiding his feelings and thoughts, he is sure that everything is clear to everyone (I can see your thoughts in the subtitles, you idiot. But Yoh can't read minds). As a result, Yoh didn't know they were dating for quite a while, when for Segasaki their relationship was obvious.

There aren't many characters in this dorama, but there's no need for them. We do fine with two goofballs who can't figure out the nature of their feelings until the last minute, while being stubbornly jealous of each other.

#bl series #bl drama #my personal weatherman #taikan yohou #segasaki mizuki #segasaki x yoh #tanada yoh #japanese bl #japan

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magical-wishies · 8 months

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To love or not to love, that is the questio-

Ok whoops wrong reference. Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I made a MV of the song "Darling Dance" by Kairiki Bear featuring my favourite little tricksters for the occasion!

I'd rather you go straight to Youtube to watch it because Tumblr always finds a way to cut the quality, lol.

Eng subtitles are available too!

youtube

Here it is! Hope you enjoy my pride and joy. Basically like a hopeful child but in video format. Reblogs are specially appreciated because Youtube sucks at promoting new channels!

This also acts as a behind-the-scenes post, so let's get straight into that, shall we?

MV Project 1 "Darling Dance"

Illustration time: 37 hours

Editing time: Approx. 30-35 hours

Total: 70 hours

*Cough* Holy freakin' moly does making an MV take so long. Before you roll off your bed, I'll say that part of the reason making the art took so long was because I have trouble drawing Marx consistently.

Here's some unused assets! Look at them, they're all salty over not making the cut.

In all seriousness though, a lot of times I don't really see a lot of editors/ MV makers getting appreciation for their efforts. And now that I've personally experienced making an MV for the first time, it's also increased my admiration to the people who dedicate their time to this! All the kudos to them.

Now, I'll go scene by scene then comment along the way! Spoilers ahead!

Verse 1

Pretty good for what it is. In the first image, you see that heart behind Magolor? I discovered the motion of it on complete accident lol. Capcut is hard to figure out..

I also really like the color palette of 2nd image. That art of Marx was the last one I did during production (aka I drew it this morning), and just look at him. He's such a bastard he's the best.

Pre Chorus 1

Mmmm yeah it sure is the pre chorus! I put a bar behind the text in the middle because I didn't want people to stare into their soulless eyes for too long. That probably worked!

1st Chorus

When I first added in the expression change, I fangirled over it a little on the first rewatch. Like, come on! They suddenly look mischievous, and the color change on the background! I know I drew it but still!

For the rest, I experimented a little with all the "Nah"s! I think it ended up well. Most of the lyric editing in this MV is completely original, so I had a couple of things to try out!

Verse 2

This song is horrifically outdated because it says Twitter instead of X!! (/sarcasm)

This scene is my second favourite. I'm really proud of the details on the tabs and the editing at the beginning! Wish I could put more images but the app only allows ten. Bummer.

Pre Chorus 2

I think it's cute, and I used it as my pfp on YouTube! That's about it though.. image limit is killing me I can't put anything here :(

Chorus 2

...Not gonna spoil it! I like how I drew them, but there ain't anything notable. Unless you look at the last image I put right before the bridge. :)

Bridge

This is where my editing comes in freakin' clutch. Ooooooh it's so satisfying to look at. Chef's kiss. Also those Marxs (Marxes?) are really cute.

The second part of the bridge is nice as well! I tried to make the lyrics snap to the rhythm. Glad I added that tv effect in the bg too!

Chorus 3

This scene is my favourite! Wanna know why?

This sequence right here. I think I will etch it into my brain forever... I love me some snappy editing. Like a lot. Like a lot a lot!

The second part of the chorus is like the original song's MV! I loved the hearts popping in and out whoever thought of that is a genius. Putting it into the MV was a good decision!

And that's a wrap! Hope you enjoy the MV as much as I enjoyed making it. And, stay tuned for next time! I have a feeling a certain jester is getting his own solo MV...

Feel free to leave your thoughts either in the Youtube comments section or here. See you around!

#kirby #magolor #marx kirby #marxolor #blood sweat and a lot of tears were put into this..#curse me and my need of adding ribbons and pink to everything (/j)#i really do hope you all will like it though! all the best.#Youtube #flashing #cw flashing

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inconspicious-random-thoughts · 5 months

Note

I think it’s more straightforward than that.

It’s not “Angels worshipped good and shielded all from evil.”

It’s “Angels worshipped Good and shielded all from Evil.”

Capitalised. That God is Good. The concept of goodness, its embodiment in the same way the Grim Reaper is death, or how the Sins are all embodiments of concepts (Asmodeus also literally being Lust, not figuratively). So Evil is Evil, an actual being Good’s Angels kept at bay, until Lucifer and Lilith gave Eve the Apple, and the Root of Evil took hold of her, making her its embodiment and forming Hell, a domain of its own to rival Heaven. With Lucifer’s true job being that of the jailkeeper, to prevent Evil from attaining enough power to overtake creation. Charlie and Vaggie meaning well but being oblivious to the truth of the world, since their superiors never told them the whole truth, since it didn’t seem they needed to know, or it was assumed they must.

Hello there.

It’s not “Angels worshipped good and shielded all from evil.”

It’s “Angels worshipped Good and shielded all from Evil.”

In the subtitles, its not capitalized. I am one of those people who has trouble watching and hearing something if I can't read it. lol.

But I won't deny the possibility of human error of the person doing the subtitles. The subtitle of one of Alastor lines was messed up. The subtitle saying it a lot less hot instead of fun, So we know mistake can happen. I honestly prefer the literally version of the capitalized.

Capitalised. That God is Good.

I full hearted agree that the "good/Good" representation in this still is God. I love how Good is taken more feminine features. Then the stereotypical male God because of whole biblical "Adam was made in God image" thing. But the show already shown different takes and not biblically accurate but its own universe that was inspired by it. Tho, one can argue they are genderless since they are celestial beings similar to Good Omens. They just take an image and "have to put an effort" for the genitals.

So Evil is Evil, an actual being Good’s Angels kept at bay, until Lucifer and Lilith gave Eve the Apple, and the Root of Evil took hold of her, making her its embodiment and forming Hell, a domain of its own to rival Heaven.

I agree that angels had to fight her to keep her (and possibly minions...I mean there were angels...so Good counterpart would have similar powers to have agents? )out. This as, I say this...I have the funny image meme "let me in" but with Roo with Heaven.

I like to consider Roo and Eve as two separate bodies. Because it was shown that Roo was standing next to Good before Adam and Lilith was created. That Roo already was an embodiment that manifested of evil. Since good and evil can't really exist without the other.

But one can argue that those were just illustration to represent. That Good and Evil had no true body yet. That they were omnipresence and exist. Similar to air. It exist, it around you but no true form. One can say Evil took on a form when Eve committed the first sin. But I don't oppose ideas and theories that Roo has latched onto Eve as some type of host. It would explain why Eve been MIA so far.

Personally, I like the idea that the physical forms manifested as the sin were committed. Then only grow larger and stronger as more people commit them. For example, Beelzebub came into existence then the act of Gluttony happened opposed the sins taking bodies as host. Then she grew more powerful each time time as people committed those sins through all of time. Roo falls into this category too.

I suspect that something happen to Roo that she missing a corporeal body or is somehow imprisoned which why she sort of laying low at the moment and pulling strings with deals to have servants and other minions. She still a force to be reckoned with and is slowly working toward on getting a suitable body and freedom.

Eve may play a role with Roo for sure. Either, she been with/is Roo this entire time or play an upcoming role in Roo strategy.

With Lucifer’s true job being that of the jailkeeper, to prevent Evil from attaining enough power to overtake creation. Charlie and Vaggie meaning well but being oblivious to the truth of the world, since their superiors never told them the whole truth, since it didn’t seem they needed to know, or it was assumed they must.

I already fully believe in jailkeeper Lucifer. Lucifer 100% knows about Roo. Not by simple knowledge because he once was an Angel of Heaven. He directly had to dealt with her. A high chance the direct reason why Roo has to lie low. Lucifer had somehow trap/imprison/weaken/rid of Roo body (you can't really destroy evil...but maybe its form to keep it from getting stronger?)

That Roo is not really secret but something Lucifer doesn't want to talk about. Or maybe it IS a secret because it somehow strengthen her. Like how a name has power in some fables? So, Roo truth became a myth over time because it was commanded or an unspoken rule not to speak of Evil... Which is why Charlie and Vaggie would be clueless about Roo beside being a "fairy tale villain." that Lucifer and Adam/Sera mention when they were younger. Charlie and Vaggie being shocked and scared to realized that Roo is real.

You know we are going to have Vaggie do a backstory of Roo like she did with Alastor in the pilot.

Roo will probably do something to Lucifer to at least temporarily weaken him or trap him. So out princess will have to step up and come to power. Something/someone has to make her go full power and something/someone has to prevent Lucifer from swooping in and saving the day every time. That trope of ultimate power saving the day would get old real fast. Who better then Roo to take Lucifer down (hopefully only temporary)

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detailtilted · 5 months

Text

Jensen and a Fan from Beijing – Subtitling Help?

Hi, I was wondering if anyone might be able to help me with the subtitles for this small section of my next video? I have a copy-and-past-able transcript below to hopefully make it easier if anyone can fill in any of my gaps.

The fan speaking here was from Beijing. I haven’t had as much exposure to Chinese accents as I have to others, and I had trouble understanding some parts. I hate to leave so many of her words un-subtitled because of my own deficiencies, and I’m sure there are people here on Tumblr whose cultural backgrounds or experiences will help them do much better than I did.

Some of it may not be possible to catch when the crowd drowns her out, but there are parts where she can be heard very clearly and I just can’t figure out the words. There are other parts where it seems perfectly clear to me what she said, her pronunciation is good, so I don't know why I had so much trouble with some of it! I've driven myself nuts with it. I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say I’ve replayed a couple parts of this segment at least 50 times. I think one of the parts I'm having so much trouble with (before she says "you know that?") may be a geographic/cultural type reference that I'm not recognizing due to my ignorance.

Please also feel free to correct me on anything I subtitled incorrectly, not just the things I missed altogether. For example, I'm not sure "Hi again" is the correct beginning for this sequence, but there does seem to be a hard 'g' sound in there. I've been debating with myself about changing it to "Hi [inaudible]" to avoid the risk that I might be incorrectly subtitling her which to me is the greater of the two evils. Not that it would be an earth-shattering mistake I guess, but I'd rather err on the side of omission rather than incorrectness.

Copy-and-Paste-able Transcript

(I left out the audience subtitles as they aren't too relevant here.)

Fan: Hi again.

Jensen: Hi.

Fan: I just -- I just want to say [inaudible] you make us crazy. [inaudible, laughs]

Jensen: All right.

Fan: Yeah, [inaudible]. You fans from all over the world. We are from Beijing. [inaudible] You know that?

Jensen: Absolutely.

Fan: Yeah, we set up a fan site for you named Jensen China. We have 4,000 members. So with my 4,000 friends wish, could you say wǒ ài nǐ?

Jensen: Almost sounds like "what I need" [inaudible].

Fan: That means hello in Chinese.

Jensen: So say it again.

Fan: Wǒ ài nǐ.

Jensen: Wǒ ài nǐ.

Fan: Yes. And that means actually -- actually that means, "I love you". So my friends and I enjoy your conversation.

Jensen: Wǒ ài nǐ.

Fan: Thank you, thank you so much.

Jensen: Thank you.

Fan: [inaudible]

Jensen: [laughs]

#enhanced edition con video development #jensen ackles #supernatural #in search of ears better than mine #DetailTilted once again drives herself to madness over video editing #but at least this time it's words and not colors!

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canmom · 10 months

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learn from my mistakes: Blender to Youtube

when we release I'm gonna write a very detailed article on the making of this short film. but since I never found a great summary of the whole process anywhere and had to figure it out myself, here's an overview of the best method I found to get a decent output for a Blender animation with lots of dark gradients on Youtube.

when you render, save it as OpenEXR (a 32-bit floating point format; Blender will save the raw 'scene-referred' colours). this will chew up a ton of hard drive space, but doing this really saved my bacon, since I could easily render patches to fix problems in the scene and freely adjust the exposure in post.

now, in the Video Sequence Editor, import all your EXRs. apply any tweaks or patches you create at this point. render everything out to 16-bit TIFF files in the sRGB colour space. this is necessary because of how Blender internally invokes ffmpeg to encode video, which does everything in 8bit and doesn't properly dither when it converts.

encode the resulting files using encoder that supports a high bit depth internally. I used Hybrid. Ideally use a modern codec such as HEVC or VP9. (that said I had some trouble getting VP9 to work right.)

since we rendered at 1080p and we want to force Youtube to give us higher bitrates, at the same time as encoding, upscale to 4k using lanczos. (Ideally we'd do this earlier, but Blender's internal upscale doesn't support kernels like lanczos.) this is a horrible hack and I hate it, but it won't increase your filesize much, and it will look much nicer on Youtube. of course if you can afford the compute time, render in 4k in the first place!

upload it to Youtube, wait for them to reencode. watch the result. cry.

if you want formatted subtitles, create your subtitles using Aegisub and convert them to YTT format. this will take some finagling. more on that later

#blender #youtube #canmom vs video encoding #3dcg

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epicrox · 11 months

Text

Till The End Of The Moon Thoughts - Episode 2

WARNING: SPOILERS BELOW

PARTS: 1.1 | 1.2 | 2 |

This is mostly for me to look back on and see the moments that I caught my eye. Nothing analytical. I offer nothing to the table

I'm also a visual person so there's a lot of screenshots x

This is called my thoughts because I refuse to call what I'm writing down as a review. Reviews inform people and this post does nothing for people.

I’ve seen posts on Tumblr calling Tantai Jin a Disney princess cuz he’s being mistreated and talks to animals 🤨

The scenery is so pretty.

3. There seem to be Chinese subtitles on the right side of the screen indicating that background music is playing but I think they cut it out because I’m not hearing anything. Maybe it’s because I’m watching it on YouTube. I don’t know about other platforms.

4. Yeah, they cut the music now and it just sounds awkward and empty.

5. Omg she’s just leaving him there! Aren’t you supposed to keep him alive?

6. He legit looks like an old man because of the snow.

7. This man looks so delicate.

8. Even at the brink of getting hypothermia, he looks like he has a better chance of getting a modelling contract than me.

9. Disney Princess indeed.

10. Bingchang looks really sweet. I’m praying she doesn’t turn out evil or two-faced.

11. Wtf is this crow’s voice?!

12. It sounds like a demonic robot. This further proves my point about this show being sci-fi.

13. The crow’s basically a camera.

14. Then don’t let him die! That celestial being never told you to kill him and didn’t even mention the evil bone, your dad did. He literally told you that Tantai Jin’s torment and death triggered his demonic powers. All you need to do is prevent that! And what do you mean he deserves this?! He hasn’t done anything yet!

15. Her strategy is irritating me.

16. It looks like she’s cradling a head. Just the head.

17. I love that he just had to faint for her to understand the severity of the situation.

18. Wtf is that? His subconscious?

19. This demonic being reminds me of that demon that trains Luo Binghe after he gets pushed off the cliff.

20. He wants Tantai Jin to give him his soul to allow him eternal peace? Does he want to use Tantai Jin’s body as a vessel?

21. It’s the 2nd episode and we’ve got Xi Wu feeling him up.

22. Ma’am, how are you sleeping with that on your head?

23. She even got her dangly earrings on!

24. Get over what?

25. Ha! Xi Wu is having thoughts.

26. So am I.

27. She beats him?!

28. Why am I surprised?

29. OG!Xi Wu was an evil person.

30. The fact that she is hesitating about hitting him! Put the whip down! Even though he’ll see you’ve changed and would make him suspicious, at least he’ll be happy about not getting whipped.

31. She cares more about staying in character than changing the past.

32. At least take the gear off before you go to sleep.

33. After literally TORTURING HIM, you're worried for his health. It seems you’ve figured out actions have consequences.

34. AHHH!!!

35. Also as an otherworldly being, deity or whatever she is, Xi Wu can be really dense. I’d understand if she didn’t know how some things worked in the mortal world but for someone responsible for saving the world, your strategy is confusing.

36. I know she’s grieving for what had happened but she can prevent tragedies if she were a little smarter.

37. Is that even comfortable? I’ve always envied my parents for being able to sleep while sitting down because for some reason I can’t.

38. Awww. I love how confused he is.

39. He’s so delicate (This man is over 10 years older than me).

40. Yes, she’s possessed.

41. Just like villainess stories, is she hated by her family?

42. Oh no. She seems to be the favourite. Makes sense since the OG!Xi Wu was running around making trouble without much consequence. How can you be punished for your actions if you’re the Apple in your family’s eyes?

43. Also how many concubines does Xi Wu’s dad have? Does Bingchang and Xi Wu have different mothers?

44. It’s very clear from the beginning that the eldest brother is going to be useless.

45. Ze Yu just vanished. And make Xi Wu apologise to Bingchang. OG!Xi Wu must’ve thought she was entitled to everything. Bingchang must feel ostracised by her own family.

46. Wow, even the kitchen boys are bullying him. They’re probably gonna get beaten by Xi Wu and zapped when Tantai Jin gets into power.

47. This whole thing must be so humiliating as a prince.

48. How is he working in the kitchens and doing dishes while looking so pristine?

49. Is that ice?

50. Are they purposefully making him wash dishes in ice-cold water? Or is it something people did historically?

51. HE HASN'T DONE ANYTHING YET. But he’s going to.

52. I’m not sure you’re aware of this but you’re in the body of his abuser. Of course, he’s avoiding you. Like didn’t you whip him last night?

53. Also, you haven’t spent long enough in that body to make this statement.

54. Yep. I think they put the ice in to torment him.

55. This reminds me of a trope you mostly see in isekai mangas/manhwas where the ML is so rude and aloof towards the FL that all the servants start to think they can do it too.

56. One thing that irks me about these tropes (it irks a lot of other people too) is that when the FL begins to stand up for herself against the servants, she slaps them.

57. Ooh, the music changed.

58. Not only does he speak to robotic crows, but he’s also talking to flies. Or was that a wasp?

59. I was under the impression Tantai Jin would commit murder but he just made the head cook (I think) swallow a fly. His reaction after swallowing the fly would have made you think he was being poisoned or choked.

60. It’s funny that she’s lecturing the staff about how rude they are even though this whole time she kept on saying he deserved it. You left him in the cold and whipped him. You know he’s a captured prince.

61. She’s putting all the blame on the servants rather than saying that OG! Xi Wu and even herself were wrong.

62. Instead of Xi Wu slapping them, they’re slapping themselves.

63. “If I had dignity, I would’ve died years ago” He really is a Disney princess.

64. More specifically, Cinderella. I saw a video essay from a channel called The Take. They talk about how people victim blame Cinderella a lot for not fighting back her abusers. In one part of the video, they talked about how Cinderella allows the abuse to continue as it is very likely that her stepmother would kick her out if she acted out.

65. Tantai Jin doesn’t know that the Xi Wu in front of him is not the original. So if I were him, I’d be more cautious about what type of food Xi Wu feeds me than the servants. Although, OG!Xi Wu could’ve ordered the servants to poison Tantai Jin’s food.

66. This man gives me Jin Xixun vibes or Mo Xuanyu’s cousin who died in the first episode of MDZS/The Untamed.

67. Oh, this is hard to watch.

68. That guy threw the cake on the ground and then stepped on it. Even if I was hungry I could never take a bite of it. It took me a while to even eat/drink something that someone else touched with their hand or mouth.

69. Is she drugged or drunk?

70. omg

71. They kissed! And we’re on the 2nd episode. I know it isn’t the FL but still. I count it.

72. Ok, they’re drugged.

73. I remember the two actors were together in a previous drama and there was a make-out scene that everyone freaked out about. So I assume they know what they’re doing in this drama.

74. So someone tried to make Bingchang and Jin Xixun prince spend the night together by drugging them but instead, they both ate it. It was 100% OG! Xi Wu.

75. Oh wait, they actually did it? But they’re clothed.

76. He has every right to be suspicious of you and the food you’ve given him.

77. Gosh. That crow’s voice is terrifyingly comedic. I giggle every time it opens its beak.

78. Tantai Jin is definitely planning something.

79. At least he’s pretty while doing it. Look at this shot.

80. This king looks familiar. Wasn’t he the emperor from Ashes of Love?

81. Tantai Jin is definitely ripping his head off.

82. This whole political drama is going to push Tantai Jin to join the dark side.

#till the end of the moon #tteotm thoughts #tantai jin #ye xiwu

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nikofortuna · 4 months

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The Legend of the White Snake (2019) First Impression

I would like to preface this with the information that I am only somewhat familiar with the original tale and the only other retelling I have experienced thus far was the White Snake animated movie of 2019. For this series I’ll be going off of the English subtitles from Netflix. Additionally I am a queer individual, so expect some queer reading on my part. Mild spoiler warning for the first twelve episodes of the series!

In light of Netflix removing the series soon I have decided to sit down to watch it before then and ended up binging the first twelve episodes in one day. Needless to say I really enjoyed it and would like to get my thoughts and appreciation out here.

To briefly touch on the visuals before getting into the characters and story, the overall vibe I got is comfortable. Like it is colourful but not oversaturated. The costumes are pretty but not over the top, similarly the makeup is clearly there but looks simple enough to not be distracting to me.

The CGI is stylized. It doesn’t try to bend over backwards to be photorealistic and I personally like that. It work for me, it’s, again, comfortable to watch.

Continuing with the characters, the one that stood out to me right away and who I grew to like very quickly is Xiao Qing.

She reads very queer to me starting off with her cultivation of a male human form for so long despite being afab. Now this was due to a desire to protect her mother and attempting to follow established gender roles thusly in a way, though she also had no apparent personal issue with it other than the transformation being a little more difficult, likely because it is a bigger change.

Then she basically flipped to a female human form on a dime out of convenience, so she could accompany Bai Suzhen. Her gender non-conformity persist in that form and all this combined to me paints a picture of her not quite caring about her own gender as such. Nevertheless I wouldn’t put any specific label on her, both because it would not be my place to do so and because I don’t see any for her other than maybe gender non-conform in a general sense.

However you cannot tell me she doesn't have a small crush on Bai Suzhen at least in the beginning.

Aside those things, the small quirk of her enjoying food is very adorable too. So far she has undergone some good character development as well becoming a better person and learning from her elders while still being true to her personality, I quite like that. One would think she’d be an annoying character at first, but she grows into a solid and likeable person.

Now to actually start from the top in terms of characters, beginning with the strong female lead Bai Suzhen.

Not only kind and compassionate, she gained enlightenment through the presence of Guanyin go figure how that might have factored into this, she is also very educated and skilled in martial arts. She is kind but not a pushover, strong willed but not obnoxious. Both a healer and a fighter depending on what is needed at the moment. Capable of handling herself, but not rejecting help when offered. All in all she’s just a great person and a highly likeable protagonist in my eyes.

The supporting ladies like Xu Jiaorong are wonderful as well when they come up, being very helpful where they can.

The male protagonists are nothing to sneeze at either! Of course our male lead Xu Xian is a kind and caring physician already making him quite likeable.

Additionally he falls in love with Bai Suzhen specifically because she is his equal and shares his values. Seeing them work together and help each other as physicians is so cute and really makes you root for them.

He is not without flaw however, much like the rest of the cast, and I am not just referring to his health troubles. While not being a particularly big character arc so far he does grow as a person and his past thus also his past growth is revealed, making his a well rounded character.

Then we have Li Gongfu.

He might not be quite as bright as our leads but is still capable in his job. He is also aware of his own shortcomings and accepts help and advice. And of course he is very loyal to his wife and clearly loves her, which is just so nice to see.

And the four immortals, which are initially with Qing and then Bai Suzhen as well, are great support characters. Funny, caring and useful! The one fight scene where they displayed the abilities of their animal forms was particularly enjoyable to watch.

So far the antagonists have been well balanced usually through an antagonist lady being paired up with antagonist men and both taking equal part in causing trouble. They have also been fleshed out rather nicely with motivations and goals as well as personal grievances.

Plus some were even somewhat sympathetic, particularly the mother who yes has done very bad things undeniably so, but has been pushed to a degree to act like that to begin with. Really a more tragic character than outright evil in my opinion.

Then we have Jin Ruyi of course, who is the classic jealous love rival.

Rather early on I developed hopes for her undergoing character development. Not necessarily in the direction of outright getting along with Bai Suzhen, but maturing, learning to see Xu Xian as his own person and subsequently letting those two be even if she might not like it. And I was pleased to see such an arc beginning towards the later end of the first twelve episodes.

She is not quite where I would like to see her yet, but she clearly has undergone development becoming less spoiled after tragedy struck her. And she can’t be blamed entirely for still being stuck to Xu Xian given how she has been strung along for a scheme by the Hu Kexin.

When speaking about character development we cannot forget about the monk Fahai.

In previous iterations he has been mostly an antagonistic force, but this time around he is here to learn! With a kind master to start him on his journey he still had to make the decision to follow his instructions of not harming the demons if his cane does not deem it necessary. Thusly he is gradually unlearning his prejudice and seeing the nuance in the world more instead of viewing it purely in black and white.

Jingsong, oh Jingsong, he messed up and he messed up big time, a supporting character turned antagonist in my eyes.

If he had decided to help with Xu Xian’s poisoning, like I believed for a moment he might, I could have seen him getting redeemed. But now that he is still so stuck in his ways and completely disregarding Bai Suzhen’s agency, no matter how ‘well meaning’ he might be, he has lost me. His mouse form is still funny though.

Last but not least shout out to Guanyin, my favourite bodhisattva, always happy to see her.

On the story overall there is not much miscommunication being the cause of problems, it is mainly other people deliberately trying to keep our two leads apart. However the two physicians have clearly growing wise to this and do not trust other peoples’ words about each other so easily anymore.

The theme of nuance is woven throughout those first twelve episodes and I am expecting this to continue. The protagonists have their flaws, some technically good people are shown to do bad things for one reason or another and some antagonists aren’t all bad either and generally have a motivation behind their actions.

In summary while it is mainly a romance drama, there are also plenty of funny moments, intrigue and suspense. I would definitely recommend giving this series a try if one has even a modicum of interest in it.

#The Legend of the White Snake #新白娘子传奇 #Bai Suzhen #Xu Xian #Xiao Qing #Jingsong #Jin Ruyi #Li Gongfu #Fahai

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tinyozlion · 1 year

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Addressing the Troubles: Part 3 / 3

English Dubs and the Early Years of Figuring Out Anime:

Back in the 00’s, the television industry was still figuring out anime. At the time, there was still a general prevailing attitude in North America that cartoons on TV were for children– even the more “mature” cartoons of the 90's like Batman: The Animated Series, Reboot, Gargoyles (actually, the Gargoyles voice acting fuckin' ruled), Beast Wars, etc., as a loose tendency, were the realm of bombastic voices and over-the-top, scenery-chewing performances. And god bless those performances! Where would we be as a nation, as a culture, if not for Mark Hamill’s Skeletor, his Joker?

But this approach was less suited for dubbing anime. Sure, if you put that kind of sauce on a Sailor Moon villain, or a fun little DBZ alien guy, it works out okay! But it falls apart when you get to the serious stuff, and even the average 90’s goofball anime had *serious stuff*. When those moments weren’t given the requisite amount of sobriety, the dub very quickly became a disservice to the spirit of the original, and even young audiences could tell.

Different studios took different approaches of course, and some of them caught on more quickly than others-- but in a large number of cases, the Japanese voice acting was just guaranteed to be better. They had an industry of professionals that took that job very, very seriously, and for the most part Western shows hadn’t gotten that degree of legitimacy yet.

There's a massive divide between Japanese and English drama-- separated not just by language, but by hundreds of years of theatrical traditions that share no common ancestor. There are whole character archetypes we don't have a direct equivalent for in the West, levels of intonation that don't translate, portrayals of sexuality and gender expression that we had no cultural context for, types of dramatic timing we had no idea what to do with for a couple decades. North American television studios simply didn’t have enough experience with those cultural and theatrical differences to handle the conversion well. There are plenty of famous examples of early dubs trying and failing to find substitutes for Japanese terms, idioms, honorifics, foods (“donut” from “onigiri”, and so forth).

These were the years when the “dub vs. sub” war had any kind substance to it– because kids, you only got to buy whatever language was on the VHS tape that Suncoast or Blockbuster was selling. And if you didn’t show up for the subbed version of an anime, the less likely you were to ever get it. DVD’s, with their selectable audio options and subtitle tracks, were still on the horizon.

This is also why fan-subs started showing up, because the kids were smart and wanted a better understanding of their favorite shows; they were fed up with these butchered attempts at localization. “All according to *keikaku… *Keikaku means: Plan” is hilarious in retrospect, but it was proof that you could show new words and concepts to English-speaking audiences, and they would learn and appreciate them rather than changing the channel. Fans were dedicated enough to the source material that they were doing this shit themselves– literally making blurry VHS copies with their dubs and distributing them like mix-tapes. It created an underground fan culture of anime in the USA that became a substantive market for less tampered-with Japanese media, and I don’t know what the media landscape would look like today if that hadn’t happened.

--Voice actors work with what they're given; sometimes, that’s limited to just what’s in the script of the day, and in the early years of American localization, it would probably NOT have included any background from an untranslated manga, or the original director’s notes, or from cultural inference that was lost on unfamiliar Western listeners at the time. So they’d be left to their own devices when it came to choosing character voice and intonation and what to do with pauses and interjections, and they’d be doing it without the benefit of the original cultural framework or context from the adapted source material. Then of course, there is the ubiquitous challenge of ADR: matching syllables to lip-flaps and the timing of a given scene, which I can only imagine has improved with more modern software.

All this lead to some memorably wild and incongruous readings that today strain belief, are unintentionally humorous, or in worst cases, ruin a scene.

--This is the landscape we find ourselves in with early dubs. One's expectations must be modified to suit the medium and the times. It's all part of the challenge, the experience, the charm, the je-ne-sais-que of early dubs. It is the spice of life. Sometimes we all need a weird little background guy with a stupid voice to say the dumbest shit you ever heard. I find joy in this.

The English localization team on Gundam Wing was working with a very limited crew; almost everyone pulled double duty, and most “additional voices" are just the main actors wearing different hats. This led to some real big swings with the one-off character voices– because there are only so many ways to shout “IT’S A GUNDAM!”, and sometimes you gotta put some extra mustard on OZ Grunt #47 so you can tell him apart from OZ Grunt #46.

They were trying their very hardest to make it seem like there were more than twelve people inhabiting the universe, and the results… were mixed. But the effort was admirable.

My Humble Defense of the English Dub:

Okay so listen-- I’m not gonna force anyone to listen to the English dub. Your mileage and tolerance for all of the dislocated strangeness and over-the-topness mentioned above may vary. And obviously, the original Japanese audio has artistic authenticity and charisma of its own.

-- SO ALL I’M GONNA SAY IS: if you tap out early, you’re gonna miss out on some of the rawest, coolest, emotionally pitch-perfect deliveries of all time.

Brian Drummond is absolutely heart-stopping as Zechs; it’s one of my favorite VA performances of all time. Enuka Okuma is by turns a chilling, ferocious, and sympathetic Lady Une. Mark Hildreth’s Heero Yuy conceals a depth of nuance and attention to detail beneath his superficial monotone. Kirby Morrow’s Trowa is a well of quiet empathy, his stoicism sometimes the vehicle for a tinder-dry sense of humor. Lisa Ann Beley as Relena runs the full dramatic range between naivety, to heartbreak, to conviction. Saffron Henderson’s Noin has a smoky sensuality that overlays her formidable competence, and moments of incredibly touching vulnerability. Michael Dobson’s cold eloquence as Duke Dremail brings the amount of aristocratic dignity and arrogance needed to lend legitimacy to the Romefeller Foundation and its terrifying power. And of course, Scott McNeil as Duo is utterly indispensable, a bright, bouncing point of contrast in a grim troupe, with the deftness of touch to deliver glimpses into the nihilism, the weary kindness, that his up-beat attitude belies.

I could continue to embarrass myself and go on this way about the whole cast. I love the English dub very much-- I also, truly, deeply, understand that it is wacky as hell. But I still believe it's worth grinning and bearing the NPCs and occasional dud lines to get to the good stuff. And sometimes, honestly, the good stuff IS the wacky stuff.

Side note: a fun game I like to play is Spot That Voice Actor! Take a drink every time you identify one of the main cast in a secret, secondary role! Take a drink every time you catch one of them putting some extra English on an unnamed character who dies immediately after they speak! Expire from alcohol poisoning by episode 20! Example: Did you know that Brian Drummond voiced both Zechs AND Doctor G? Now you know! And you can't unknow it! Ha ha! I've done this to you!

#Parsing Post #Gundam Wing #Addressing the Troubles #Gundam Wing Meta #Gundam Meta

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consumeronionbulletin · 1 year

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Call It Love (2023)

When is a revenge story not a revenge story? When you Call It Love instead!

This show could have turned into a trainwreck at several points. Instead, it managed to surprise and (occasionally) delight. While I had some quibbles with the ending, I think it's good to focus the show's strengths.

What Worked

The characters are what made the show. Even when the plot meandered a bit, and the pacing slowed down, the characters pulled you through. Because they were relatable and interesting. Even when they made questionable choices, they were always the choices you might have wanted to make in the situation, even if you knew better.

That comes through in the first few episodes where the FL crashes her estranged father's funeral and makes a scene just to try and get some kind of revenge. And the ML takes money from his estranged mother even though he knows he shouldn't. And the entire family just decides to leave their home of twenty years rather than calling a dang lawyer to figure this out. And let's not even talk about the ex-girlfriend who decides to try and patch things up with her old flame by secretly moving in next door...

What Didn't Work

The last three or four episodes just didn't have enough story going on. And so the audience ended up watching the characters walk artistically through the streets of their neighborhood while we waited for them to do the thing we all know they're going to do. I would honestly rather they have showed the characters discussing and reacting to finding the will—or just talking at all—instead of padding each episode with 10 minutes of walking. I also got annoyed with the way they dragged the main love story out in the last two episodes. I can understand needing space to figure out some of the messed up stuff going on, but there was no reason for them to (spoilers) need to take an entire year off to figure this stuff out! I think the writers just had the last scene in mind and pushed the ending towards it instead of justifying it.

Lastly, Disney FFS get some real subtitles, I'm glad they have close captioning (in English no less), but they need an option that cuts out the [Dongjin smacks his lips] nonsense. Was it a push to make people listen to the dubs instead? Are they just too cheap to pay someone to do both? Who knows. Also, I think the translators did an okay job, but there were times when I was like "that's not what they really said, was it?" and I don't even know much Korean.

The Performances

The writing on this show is a little sparse. The writers chose to make people talk like real people most of the time, which means that so much of the characterization is on the actors and their delivery. And they did a good job across the board.

Kim Young-kwang as Han Dong-jin. Dong-jin is a very private, internalizing person and it would easy for an actor to play him too stiff and stoic. Kim Young-kwang did a very good job of letting people see inside what he was thinking and feeling mostly through subtle gestures and changes in tone. He wasn't magnetic like alot of other leads, but he still had a way of bringing people in and quietly getting their attention. At least he did for me, though maybe there were other people who got bored and stopped watching after a few episodes!

Lee Sung-kyung as Shim Woo-joo. Woo-joo was another quiet person, though she's someone who is quietly angry at the world and sometimes has no filter. She did a great job portraying this through most of the series. I think she had trouble with some of the softer scenes towards the end of the series. I haven't seen her in other shows, so I can't tell if it was a direction problem or if she just didn't know how to portray someone who is loose and comfortable, but there were several scenes when it felt like I was watching a statue. I'll still enjoy watching her next project, whenever that comes out.

Sung Joon as Yoon-jun. This was a case where the second lead couple was more fun to watch than the first lead, and Sung Joon's performance was a big reason why. When the show was at its most melodramatic, Yoon-jun just took it in stride and kept it all grounded. I especially enjoyed the way he and the second lead Kim Ye-won played off their slow moving friends-to-lovers arc, but the friendship with Shim Woo-joo was also nice, and I loved to see that kind of non-romantic friendship portrayed in a show.

Kim Ye-won as Shim Hye-seong. I enjoyed her role in Suspicious Partner even though the show annoyed me overall. She was a much more relatable character here. I looked forward to her scenes because you could never tell what Hye-seong was going to do. The character was interesting and multi-faceted and Kim Ye-won did a good job bringing that through.

Nam Gi-ae as Ma Hee-ja (aka the "Evil Mom"). I've seen her in a number of similar roles and this isn't too different from her character in Encounter (for example), but I feel like she got it right this time, where she was too over-the-top in others. I think the writing helped, but ultimately it's her performance. She did an excellent job portraying a believable type of narcissist. She was completely shameless and selfish when she needed to be, and also weak and pathetic when she needed to be. Sometimes she was only in the show for a few minutes, but it felt like a long time because she was so intense and interesting. Great job playing a terrible person.

Kim Hee-jung as Kim Hyun-Joo (aka the "Good Mom"). I saw her briefly in Start-up and her role there wasn't very memorable, but she did a great job here. The main characters all spent the first eight episodes or more threatening to call her in when they felt Woo-joo was out of line, and when Hyun-joo finally showed up you could see why they were all intimidated! A strong presence and definitely one of my favorite characters on the show.

Jang Sung-Bum as Sim Ji-Gu. I really liked the character. The long suffering younger son with two older sisters is kind of a comic staple in these dramas, but he still managed to make the role fun and interesting rather than cliche. He also did a good job with the musical interludes, though that was another part of the show that felt a little indulgent. Still a fun actor to watch.

Ahn Hee-yeon (aka Hani) as Kang Min-yeong. In a different show, the "clingy ex-girlfriend" character could be a second antagonist, but the problem is that she's pretty great and everyone likes her! That's what happens when you cast a k-pop singer and just let her be charming! Hee-yeon wasn't a show stopper, but she did a good job with the role she was given, and I liked where the writers took her character. It was nice to see a story where sometimes decent people end up making terrible decisions (for reasons that make sense), and it's how you move forward that matters. There really wasn't much for the actor to do in the last 4 episodes, but it was nice to have her around for most of the show.

Jun Suk-Ho as Choi Sun-Woo (aka "Lazy Boss"). I enjoyed this character and the actor was obviously having alot of fun with the role. It was nice to see the character go from being part of the problem at the start of the series, to being a strong and supportive character by the end. I also liked his friendship (though maybe more?) with Min-yeong and how that changed over the series as well.

Kim Mi-Hwa as Sim Woo's Aunt. They didn't even give her a name! Just a fun comic character that I would have liked to see more of. The actor did a good job giving a personality to someone whose role in the show was mostly to deliver important news to the main characters.

Everyone else. They actually did a good job making the corporate backstabbing interesting. The actors playing CEO Shin, Cha Young-min, and all the minions were suitably slimy. The other office workers had memorable moments even when they kind of blended together. I even thought the other colorful characters (like the new "Bad Boyfriend with a Gambling Problem" and "Boyfriend's gambling buddy") were fun to watch. With a few exceptions, this was a show that treated its minor characters well.

TL;DR:

The overall message of the show, that revenge is ultimately empty and you need justice and reconciliation to move forward is nice. There were times when the show was a little slow and indulgent, but the characters and their stories always brought me back for more. Overall, an enjoyable drama.

#my kdrama notes #call it love

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whentranslatorscry · 1 year

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Miss Kyouko’s Locked Room Lecture (4/7)

However, how do we get out after sneaking in?

A fitting room is a fitting room, even if not locked.

Without drawing the curtain, you wouldn’t know the situation outside— the design prevents those outside from seeing one inside changing, and vice versa, there’s no way to tell if someone outside is looking this way, impossible to know the right moment to come out without detection. If at this moment a clerk felt this customer was taking unusually long to change and opened the curtain—

“I just did it without thinking too much— anyway, intentional or not, I happened to not be seen by anyone when I came out, that's probably the most reasonable explanation." Kyouko-san's explanation was really quite reasonable.

Not even on the job, her detective reasoning was so reasonable that it approached disbelief. Still, uncanny luck does, in fact, favor some criminals.

A “perfect” crime, it seems, isn’t as complicated as you might think. Making elaborate plans and showing how clever you are tends to leave more clues and make it easier for the police to figure things out. The more obvious the trail of thought, the easier it is to spin a story. Perhaps a chaotic, seemingly contradictory approach is what truly stumps the authorities.

“This so-called ‘locked room’ has many holes, formed as it is by lines of sight. If the killer managed to slip through a blind spot and commit the crime unseen, they could have made a quick escape.”

“But wouldn’t security cameras capture the fugitive? Maybe we can't identify who, but surely we could narrow down the suspects to people who left the store after eleven…”

“Who’s to say the killer fled outdoors? Mingling with customers might even be safer… and if the killer were, say, an employee, they can’t exactly abandon their job on the clock.”

Murder somebody and then go back to folding clothes? Tooasa found it hard to believe there were too many employees that dedicated. Based on the ‘murdered without much thought’ image of the killer he had in mind, they’d probably ignore the cameras and make a panicked escape. On the other hand, we couldn’t rule out the possibility that our bungling culprit might have stayed at the scene simply because they didn’t think things through. Panicked people do the most foolish things.

“All witness testimonies appear reliable without major discrepancies. A little far-fetched as a narrative, but nothing fundamentally implausible has occurred.”

Kyouko-san declared the verdict.

Thus confirming his initial suspicion; if there were glaring inconsistencies or blatant errors in the statements, he wouldn’t feel so troubled. Despite everything appearing logical, something about it felt off-putting still.

“If anything, avoiding detection by numerous individuals and surveillance cameras is highly unusual… but, not entirely inconceivable that they could evade capture, given the existence of blind spots for both parties.”

“So based on your deduction, the culprit didn’t intentionally play tricks on this point?”

The word ‘tricks,’ coming from a policeman, might be somewhat reckless, but he had long since abandoned any pretense of shame. Unfortunately, the reply he received was,

“No, no, no. I don’t do deductions, remember?”

Stubbornly frustrating.

“It's merely hypothesis. I deliberately avoid deep thought as it leads me to verbalize my ideas excessively. When an interpreter starts inserting their own interpretations, communication becomes harder, does it not?”

She was right.

On the other hand, Officer Tooasa typically enjoyed watching foreign films with subtitles since he appreciated how interpreters simplify and complement dialogue. Therefore, listening to Kyouko-san’s interpretation shouldn’t be problematic despite its non-literal nature.

“Being a responsible adult, I cannot allow myself to be so unlucrative… Oops, be so disruptive to others’ work.”

“……”

“To get into the specifics anyhow, Yanei-san was reportedly a regular patron— but it seems she wasn’t a dear guest.”

She put it delicately, but agreed with him on this regard. The Nashorn staff who knew her did not outright insult a regular, especially one now deceased, but the nuance in their choice of words was apparent enough that it didn’t need interpreting for Officer Tooasa.

Although a regular, she was not a guest of honor.

“She would shamelessly haggle to lower prices, often complain about the goods, try to make unreasonable returns… Well customers are only human, you know.”

As somebody who ran her own agency, Kyouko-san could perhaps understand. Thinking of the outrageous requests the chief made of the Okitegami Detective Agency on a regular basis, Officer Tooasa could only bow his head in apology as part of the force—He would assume the forgetful detective did not remember every single one of them, but it must have left some impression. Maybe her memories reset day to day but experiences remain in a corner somewhere— maybe.

Being often mocked as a civil servant paid by tax, Officer Tooasa understood very well, if you didn’t acknowledge that “the customer is God,” you could hardly do this job.

"Annoying though she may have been, she wasn’t so bad as to drive people to wish for her to cease to exist…still there was a reason that necessitated her death,”

Kyouko-san said, tapping her pen.

She'd been filling the empty space on the timetable with information about the victim's identity, but by now, the whiteboard that was her arm was nearly out of space.

“Necessitating… her death?”

It may be a so-called motive, but people are killed for reasons so trivial they couldn’t conjure them up in their wildest dreams, so digging too deep here may prove to be a futile exercise— Some are killed for being wicked, some for being good— it’s impossible to generalize. There may even be those who are killed simply because they are ‘impossible to generalize’.

Besides, if only a few hours of hearing from a limited number of people were enough to judge her character and personality, the deceased would not be able to rest in peace.

As expected, Officer Tooasa’s men were in the process of filtering through the victim’s interpersonal relationships at home and work, and with this thought, he felt a twinge of guilt, as though he were slacking dining elegantly with Kyouko-san this evening. As part of his job, he realized anew that good progress had to be made from these talks.

“It could be a murder without motive, or it could be that the murderer did not mean to kill but the victim died as a result.”

Kyouko-san further listed the possibilities.

“Yes… Or maybe a case of mistaken identity?”

Officer Tooasa ventured a hypothesis that he himself found unlikely, merely to pass the time— and after reacting to it with a “Mistaken identity?”, Kyouko-san went on to say,

“Killed by mistake— interesting, it could be.”

“Oh, could it be? Mixing up who to murder…"

“It's quite possible. She was said to have worn unusually large flat-framed glasses— and in the heat of emotion, it’s possible they couldn’t quite make out who it was.”

She said and touched her own glasses.

“Anybody would be tremendously nervous when murdering. When human life is on the line, people are prone to astonishing errors.”

She spoke as if standing in the killer’s shoes, something very difficult for Officer Tooasa as a policeman to do— the sole province of a private detective.

Remaining calm and rational was not easy when you can't afford to fail— though being wrongly killed would be the last thing anybody would want.

“But Kyouko-san. No matter what the motive was, you wouldn't want to commit murder in a busy store.”

The conversation had come full circle, but this was still the bottleneck— it's easy to understand if it were an ad hoc crime in which somebody was struck while walking alone on a street at night.

“Particularly, assuming the reason for killing Yanei-san was her being a troublesome regular— which is to say, if we assume the murderer to be an employee, it makes even less sense. Few with any sense at all would think for a second to plot murder in their own territory.”

Almost like the murderer saying, “Suspect me.”

Even discounting that, when viewed as a matter of simple cost and benefit, the fact that a person met their demise within a high-end boutique, where the brand image is of paramount importance, could potentially deter the flow of customers. Should rumors circulate that somebody was bludgeoned to death with a hanger in the shop’s fitting room (and they will), it could lead to the worst: bankruptcy. At minimum, it would simply feel unsettling to have your workspace become the scene of murder.

All harm and no gain.

If we were to, rather forcefully, entertain the idea that there might be a benefit in committing murder within one’s own territory, the only conceivable upside might be a slight easing of nerves when embarking on such a grave endeavor.

Nevertheless, in Officer Tooasa’s gut feeling it would still be more convincing if the culprit acted impulsively, without any thought, considering neither gains nor losses, merely that they ended up bludgeoning the victim.

“If there were other advantages to committing a crime in a familiar place,”

Kyouko-san said, offering a capped pen— from the look of it, she had already written down as much information as she could. She had indeed roughly reviewed what they had heard today— he took the pen, put it back in his breast pocket.

“Could it have been because meticulous preparations can be made in advance? Setting up mechanisms, making arrangements— creating traps to kill the victim.”

“Mechanisms… Locked-room shenanigans, huh?”

However, with regard to this particular murder, it was really difficult to imagine there being any large-scale contraptions behind it. It still gets hung up on there being too many witnesses. Somebody would have surely seen, what with eyewitnesses and ceiling cameras. Avoiding all was virtually impossible. Unnatural to leave to chance and impossible to do systematically—

The Little Prince says, “What is essential is invisible to the eyes.” Yet Kyouko-san says, “What is visible to the eyes is also equally essential.” If we were to extrapolate a “third rule of essentials” by analogy, it might be, “even unessential things can be invisible.” Now if only someone had eyed the despicable villain—

“Even unessential things can be invisible to the eye— such a profound thought indeed. We often miss the crucial in crucial moments,”

Kyouko-san praised this strange thing.

“Speaking of which, a locked room featured at the beginning of The Little Prince, too. The sheep in the box…”

“Oh… now you mention it.”

But Officer Tooasa did not nod in agreement as much as to say “now you mention it.” In fact, interpreting that as a locked room was where his mystery-loving mind had led him.

“The sheep in the box though, is just like Schrödinger’s cat, isn’t it?”

Trying not to reveal his mild trepidation, he joined in the conversation so casually. At least Schrödinger’s cat was a term more compatible with mysteries than The Little Prince.

‘Haha. The Prince would cry if the sheep were dead—oh!’

Just when Kyouko-san looked to be laughing warmly along with their casual chitchat, she exclaimed an ‘oh!’ She clamped a hand over her mouth and, in the process, knocked over the demitasse of espresso she had been about to sip after the meal, in evidently the reaction of somebody who had just realized something.

“Wha— what just happened, Kyouko-san?”

“It, it’s nothing.”

“Nothing? That sure didn’t seem like nothing.”

“I said it’s nothing,”

She repeated, taking another sip of her espresso, the first person he’d ever seen drinking a double-shot, black, no less.

“Erm… Kyouko-san. If you, you know, noticed something…”

“I noticed nothing. Nothing’s come to mind, nor have I deduced anything. The mystery of the case is far from solved, and not one doubt or inconsistency has been cleared up.”

She declared with certainty.

Declared with too much certainty, in fact, that it was hard to believe a word she said. It was baffling how she could lie so blatantly.

“You’ve… solved the mystery?”

“I said I haven’t. Ugh, I just can't make any sense of it. Now, it’s getting late, about time to go home. Thank you for today, Officer Tooasa, the meal was delicious. I’ll be looking forward to your future accomplishments.”

Kyouko-san wiped the meticulously written timetable clean with a wet wipe, rolled down her sleeves swiftly, and made an all-too-obvious move to call it a night. She couldn’t just leave like that.

It appears that she, who was only supposed to act as an interpreter, somehow ended up putting the pieces together due to Officer Tooasa's offhand remark. The relationship between the detective and the policeman, as embodied in detective novels, was unfolding— an unexpected turn of events, especially for the professional detective that Kyouko was.

If, however, she had indeed uncovered some truth, Officer Tooasa was in no standing to let that go unasked.

This was no battle of wits.

He wasn’t that far gone to lose sight of his responsibilities.

He needed to hear her deduction as soon as possible to react appropriately— no matter how popular terms from detective novels such as ‘locked room mystery’ or 'impossible case’ may become, such words are powerless in the face of the reality of ‘a murderer at large’.

“Oh dear, I’m in a pickle now, aren’t I?”

Kyouko-san crossed her arms, showing a truly troubled expression.

“It is so very unfortunate I can’t be of any help. This time I was only requested as an interpreter. I may discover the truth yet cannot grandstand with my deduction.”

As apologetically as she said it, the underlying message screamed ‘if you don’t pay, the machine won’t work’ so stubbornly.

Or, considering her respect for professional ethics, perhaps this should be respected just the same.

In the first place then, it was Officer Tooasa who wanted to send Kyouko-san back home. He could have insisted on solving the case all on his own and turned away the detective. Unfortunately for him, these developments were unwelcome as well.

Had that detective been any other than Kyouko he would have seen them off here— But.

“Erm, how about we head to another place next? There’s a quiet bar where we can sit down and talk things through.”

He had no knowledge of any such quiet bar (that would be another one owed to his colleagues), and never in his life had he been so forward with a lady.

“Well for my part, I’d like to proceed directly to the station to receive my compensation, hurry home to bed, and completely forget about the truth I happened to piece together.”

As if he would let her forget so easily.

But she could do just that. The forgetful detective had that ability. To reset any deduction or culprit profile, erasing them from her mind— by tomorrow morning, she would have forgotten it all. If he did not ask her tonight, her deductions would vanish into oblivion.

“But then again, it is difficult to say no when you’re so insistently invited. I will accompany you then. But— I will only provide some hints; if you could, based on these hints, make your own deductions, please do.”

“Hints… huh?”

“Correct. Hints distilled from the information that anybody listening to witness accounts would know.

Hint number one: Numerous eyewitnesses saw the victim, Yanei-san, approaching the store about eleven AM. But when you organize the testimonies you find all the eyewitnesses were customers who came to shop at the time. Why do you think that is?

Hint number two: Because Yanei-san never left the fitting room, staff suspected something was amiss, opened the curtain and discovered the body. But how did that staff determine Yanei-san had been in the fitting room all the time?

Hint number three: You cannot see inside the fitting room from outside, but can we say for certain you cannot see out from inside?”

“Err, uh, um…”

Kyouko-san talked so much and so fast that he wasn't able to catch the three at first, and had to count them off on his fingers to confirm what they were.

Hint #1: The biased eyewitness accounts— all who had seen Yanei Sashiko were customers.

Hint #2: Why did the first person to discover her notice something was strange in the fitting room?

Hint #3: You can't see outside from inside the fitting room— is this really true?

The first hint he hadn't realized until he'd been told, but looking back on it, it seemed to be accurate— we can’t say for absolute certainty without listing the eyewitness testimony of all questioned. However, since the detective-turned-translator said so, well, it's probably the case.

As for hints number two and three, he already had some ideas. Staff had noticed after Yanei had been in the fitting room for a considerable amount of time. And you couldn't see outside from inside as you couldn't see inside from outside, right?

That would be all there was to it.

Officer Tooasa, who understood neither the mystery of the case nor the meaning of these hints, was hoping for a fourth hint, but it seemed to end at three.

“Now then, shall we be off?” Kyouko-san stood up to leave her seat. “Try unraveling these hints yourself, officer. Ideally by the time we arrive at the next venue— so that we may enjoy some light mystery discussion over drinks.”

Contrary to her smile, he, alas, utterly failed to meet her expectations.

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#boukyaku tantei #okitegami kyouko

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solarishashernoseinabook · 2 years

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Hi, so I thought I'd ask you this because you'd know: I think I may have autism. I was never diagnosed as a child, but I was pretty sheltered so idk how that factors in. I'm an adult now, and I have persisent issues with sensory stuff, fidgeting, interacting with people, and so on. It may just be related to my depression. However, as Ive made the transistion to adulthood I just keep realizing I function way different than others are comfortable with. Am I just overreacting?

Nope, I don't think it's an overraction at all! I could go on a very long tangent about this, but what it comes down to is: does identifying as autistic help you understand yourself better, and can you use that to help you manage your problems?

Does identifying as autistic help you understand yourself better? I first thought I might be autistic about fifteen years ago. At the time, though, I had a very stereotypical view of autism because I was only exposed to high-support-needs autistic people (hard avoiding eye contact, predominantly non-verbal, very obvious stimming, etc.). As I've gotten to know a wider variety of autistic people, though, I've started realising that a lot of stuff I thought were just quirks about myself were autistic traits. I don't feel all that comfortable looking at eyes, or faces in general, unless they're someone I know well (my best friend, my family) - though I'm still trying to sort out my boundaries around eye contact. Figuring out I'm autistic helped me identify my sensory issues as falling into clear patterns instead of being random things that bugged me, and it helped me realise that a lot of things were stims! But a lot of my stims are atypical. For example, I love pressure as a stim - like putting clothes pegs or hair clips on my fingers, or clipping a pen to my lip or finger. It also let me realise text is a visual stim, which is why I actually read slowly unless I'm forcing myself to get through something quickly and why I have trouble watching any show that I can only access with subtitles - just looking at text, even without reading it, is hugely calming for me.

For years, my biggest sense of imposter syndrome was around special interests. I didn't have any classic special interests that you see all the time in fiction, besides an interest in animals and natural history - but it didn't seem to manifest the same way special interests normally did, because while I love talking and learning about them, my entire personality isn't based around them. Once again, learning about autism helped me realise I do have special interests, including animals and natural history - and one of those interests is worldbuilding! I love creating settings, social mores, explanations, etc. Introduce me to a legend or mystery and my brain will start building something around it! I also realised that books, as objects, are a special interest for me - I like having physical books around, holding books, etc. Just touching a book is hugely calming for me. Once I learned that special interests could take more forms than just "can name hundreds of types of trains" or "wants everything to be Mickey Mouse related in some way", I noticed I had a fair few special interests and realised how big of a role they played in my life!

The social difficulty was the last hurdle for me. Actually, doing image descriptions consistently helped me figure out that I can't interpret faces or tone very well! I went a surprisingly long time genuinely believing most people go through social situations emoting very little and with flat voices. As it turns out, my brain just interprets all facial expressions/tones of voice as "neutral" unless there's a very strong emotion attached! I remember one time being in the break room at work, and one of my coworkers was on the verge of tears about something - but I had no clue, because she seemed neutral to me, despite other people asking her if she was okay. It was only once she started sobbing and tears were on her cheeks that I realised she was upset and comforted her. Once again, realising that I don't perceive emotions at all unless they're very blatant has helped me figure out a lot of things that didn't make sense before - like why so many people would seemingly have abrupt changes of heart and get annoyed at me "for no reason", or why I have an easier time interacting with little kids (they tend to be very open with their emotions because they feel everything strongly, so I can read them better) - and why most of the friends I've made are people who wear their hearts on their sleeves!

Can you use that knowledge to help you manage your problems? Pretty much as soon as I recognised a pattern in my sensory issues, I planned around them and could solve them. I've adjusted my wardrobe around the fact that I have trouble with having things too close around my neck, and take noise cancelling headphones with me places. I recognised what stims I have, got some fidget toys (I have a spinner ring that I have on me at all times), and recognise when I'm getting overwhelmed so I can get out of a situation, or at least take steps to mitigate it. But these have come up in other ways, as well.

It's often said that autistic people like routine. In my case, that manifests more as wanting to have an idea of what's going to happen and when and in what order it will happen, and sudden changes to this get me cranky. Uncertainty, especially regarding something I've been told I can do, can be hard to deal with. For example: one of my best friends has ADHD, and pretty much every time she comes to visit me she forgets something at my place - which is a bit of a problem when she lives a few hours away and is busy with school and work! One time, when she was coming for a week's visit, we agreed beforehand that I'd help her make a list of everything she had brought and where she had packed it so she could easily check if she had it with her before she left. I was excited to do it, and figured it would happen very soon after she got to my place. But when she got there it turned out she wasn't planning on unpacking right away, and within minutes I had pestered her so much about when I would be allowed to make her list that she got annoyed about me asking - she felt like I was pressuring her when she didn't have the energy to do it, when I wanted a clear timeline and an assurance that we would do it at some point. Ever since I realised I have that routine issue, I've started consciously telling myself that most days will happen with only a rough routine, or I give myself alternatives if a routine falls through. Like, "If this class doesn't come to my library at the time I expect, I'll spend time cataloguing these books instead" - either way, then, I'm following a routine! I can spin my spinner ring a few times to calm down during the transition period between events and I'll be just fine.

Similarly, once I realised there were a lot of unstated social expectations that I simply wasn't picking up on, I started taking initiative and actually asking about them. As it turns out, no one seems to mind - at least, I've never had any trouble getting answers! Once I started doing that, I ended up having an easier time meeting people's expectations, but if I hadn't realised that autism made me miss those rules in the first place, I would've kept going doing what I was doing, which just resulted in miscommunications.

Can your issues be caused by social isolation and depression? Maybe! But you could also be putting the cart before the horse, so to speak - your social isolation might be the result of autism, and it's very common for undiagnosed autistic people to end up with depression. One of the things that settled it for me was that I genuinely found autistic people and people with ADHD more predictable than neurotypicals - every day I'm baffled by something a neurotypical person does, but I can sniff out someone who's autistic or got ADHD from a mile away and figure them out quickly because their behaviour follows similar patterns to mine. I talk a lot about making Halt clearly autistic in The Royal Ranger, for example, but honestly a much harder thing for me has been remembering to keep everyone else neurotypical - I often have to think hard to figure out how Crowley would interpret something without an autistic lens there to colour it! But ultimately, whatever the cause, if you find autistic terms useful for you, use them! If they help you, they're free for you to use. If they don't, you have no obligation to. And most importantly, don't feel like you have to figure this all out right away - I first started seriously debating if I was autistic when I was fifteen, and only got comfortable actually calling myself autistic when I was closer to thirty!

#asks #autism #was this longer than it needed to be? probably. but that's the autism babey - gotta be precise even when it means writing an essay

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