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#but i wonder how much of this love and compassion does he give himself?
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thinking about bernard always choosing compassion. about him always choosing love. the way tim goes, “and when you become a famous chef, you can turn them away at the door.” and the way bernard immediately goes, “i wouldn’t do that.” the way how even though his parents make it so fucking hard on him, he always tries his hardest to reach out, to keep trying to have a relationship with them. even though he truly believes that his father never wanted him, he keeps trying. the way he tries his hardest to see the kindness in everybody. just thinking about bernard and his ability to choose love and compassion every time.
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personasintro · 6 months
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Mutual Help | #34
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↳ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬; in order for you to pretend to be his girlfriend, he helps you with your sexual desires ⏤ he calls it mutual help
⇢ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: jungkook x reader
⇢ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fake dating au, fluff, angst, smut, slow burn
⇢ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: explicit language, mature content
⇢ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 14.6k+
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⇠ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯. | 𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐱 | 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 ⇢ 
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"Jungkook!" It's like the sweetest melody to him, to hear her angelic voice as she falls apart underneath him and his fingers, his lips preparing kisses on her neck to coax her through an orgasm.
He pulls out his fingers out of her heat, wiping them against his sweatpants as he watches her chest heave with quickened pace. Kiko's eyes open as she smiles at Jungkook, sitting up before she delivers a kiss to his lips.
"I love you," she whispers, looking into his doe eyes while he stares at her as if he hasn't just fingered her.
He wasn't planning any of this. It happened naturally, just two of them cuddling on Jungkook's bed while they talked about their day. It started with a kiss and none of them told the other to stop. He doesn't regret it and is happy that no dark thoughts erupted in his mind while he kept his attention on the woman in front of him – his girlfriend.
It's no lie he was scared whenever they'd become more intimate, wondering if he's going to think about someone else touching her. But as soon as his lips met hers, he couldn't think about anything else but the desperation and love he feels for her. Maybe she doesn't deserve him, like you said and deep down Jungkook knows that too, but heart wants what it wants. He doesn't want to spend the rest of his life and their relationship analyzing all the things they're doing and keep happening between them.
"We don't have to go any further, if you're not ready."
Jungkook doesn't realize he's slightly frowning, letting her hands caress his chest. Embarrassingly but quite naturally, his hardened dick draws too much attention, something that's been caused by him being so close to her. Jungkook is a man, that much is certain and understandable, so it's only reasonable for him to pop up a boner. He's got his own needs and to be honest, jerking off in the shower is becoming boring and not enough.
"Are you ready?" Caring as always, Jungkook asks her as his brown eyes flicker to her own as she sucks in breath, growing emotional at how good of a man he is.
"Yes," she simply says, even though there are thousands of words she'd rather say. "But this is mostly about you, Kookie. We can wait." she smiles at him, giving him that bit of courage in case he's contemplating whether to say yes or no.
And he doesn't understand it. He doesn't understand how such a sweet girl full of love and compassion when it comes to everyone around her, especially when it comes to Jungkook, could've hurt him so much.
Jungkook asked for time and Kiko fully respects it, never doing the first move for them to grow closer like they used to be. She doesn't want to do anything Jungkook might be uncomfortable with and she'll give him as much time as he needs. No matter how much she wants to go back to how they were. And it took a long time for her to realize that maybe they will never be like they used to be.
"I don't wanna wait," he says softly, cupping her hands that are placed over his chest, stealing a kiss from her. "I wanna move further, be closer to you." he says once he slightly pulls away.
He hears her gasp, tears pooling in her eyes as she kisses him again. She reaches for his sweatpants, already ready to cup his hardened length but he shakes his head, detaching their mouths. He's met with her scared eyes, scared because she thinks she did something wrong or maybe misread the situation. Jungkook sees that and rushes to explain himself.
"I just want to feel you. I can't wait." he murmurs against her mouth, noticing how she nods and helps him undress himself.
Jungkook has always had a very fit body, has maintained it with diets and by him spending his free time in the gym, working out whenever he had the time. But ever since she had the opportunity to see him like this, Jungkook's body gained more muscles and a couple of tattoos. Seeing her gulping at the sight of his abs, he grows more confident and even smirks down at her as he takes off all of his clothes.
The couple keeps kissing, Kiko's hands touching Jungkook's body like it's the first time she ever gets to do it. When she sneakily wraps her hand around his length, he's losing it already reaching for his nightstand. She doesn't question his choice, completely understanding it by more than one reason. Jungkook notices the guilt on her face, knowing exactly why she's reacting like that. Their relationship had been so close, full of trust that they'd go bare a few times. They both would get tested every few months, just to be sure and Kiko's been taking birth control since she was a teen. The level of trust they had with each other was specimen. To see him reaching out for a condom box, even though she knows he was surely intimate with you too, reminds her that some things really changed. But can she blame him or be shocked? No. She's not. More like disappointed with herself.
"I love you." she reminds him as she watches him roll the condom down his length, his dark eyes glancing at her as he smiles.
He hovers over her, one arm holding himself not to crash her while the other one goes down to his length. "I love you too." he tells her, kissing her as he slowly enters her.
It's unbelievable how all the memories and bad feelings are gone, and all he can remember are the good times when they were connected like this countless times, proving their young love.
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"Miss, with all due respect, I don't think you should drive right now." The paramedic tells you for the third time, the poor guy growing impatient and maybe slightly annoyed by your stubbornness. The other man, the driver, sitting in the driver's seat lets out a sigh behind you but decides to stay quiet. All he does is react with annoyed sighs. Asshole.
"But I'm fine," you almost whine, heart still beating from the fact you had a car accident but luckily haven't harmed anyone else. However, you're glad you're alive and made it out with a wound to your temple which isn't that bad. It hurts but not to the point you couldn't handle it. You just hit it pretty hard and it caused a small cut to pierce your skin. Luckily, there are no stitches needed.
He gently taps the bandaid that secures your wound causing you to hiss, ignoring the knowing look from the middle aged man.
By the time you've realized you're alive and very much lucky that your car didn't collide with someone else's, somebody already called an ambulance. Apparently, they have to check you even though you assured them you're fine but the blood slowly dripping down your cheek said otherwise. It's just blood, you naively thought but then agreed to let them examine you. You don't want to risk anything, but you don't think it's that serious to the point you couldn't drive. And you're lucky there hasn't been a need to call the police, since this hasn't been a fender bender situation.
"It's just a small wound." you tell him, looking at your car that's parked on the side of the road, almost mockingly staring at you while you're sitting in the ambulance.
"Yes, but you hit your head pretty hard and some symptoms of something more serious can show later. I don't advise you to drive. Look, we can get your car towed. You said it yourself that you panicked because you were shocked," Fuck you and your big mouth. In your defense, there wasn't much that you could've said instead. "I advise you to call someone to pick you up. Do you have someone you could call to come get you?"
Sighing, somewhere in the corner of your freaking stubbornness, you know the man is probably right. He has no reason to lie to you and fake his worry about you. He's a professional, probably experienced and seen countless similar situations like this one. However, you do think he's making a big deal out of this. You've been barely harmed and you haven't harmed anyone, nor damaged your car. For the sake of yourself, and maybe the fact this man has warm eyes but looks stern and is probably thinking you're some dumbass, you don't even tell him that the reason you panicked is not just the driver's fault who was stopping at a red light at the last chance. You don't mention you mainly panicked because you know your car is old and you don't feel so safe in it anymore. This, what just happened is totally your fault and you don't need anyone else to scold you for that, when you're already doing that for yourself.
"But what about my car?" you pathetically ask, trying to give him a reason to let you be and don't worry about you.
"We'll get it towed to your address. Your car is gonna be completely fine." he assures you, earning another sigh of desperation as you hug your jacket closer to yourself.
The first person that comes to your mind to save your ass is Jungkook, of course. Not only because he's usually the one getting you out of trouble (not that you get into trouble often), but he's also the only person that is probably very much awake and not getting ready for bed.
Who else would you call? Taehyung? He's probably asleep and he doesn't even own a car. Jimin is a person you can rely on, he's the actual definition of sweetheart and would come whenever you'd ask him to. But it's Monday and he works in an office, and he usually works overtime a lot. And he's too worried for his own good, you don't need him to panic as soon as you explain what happened to you. Jungkook will surely freak out too, you know how he gets whenever the subject is about you and your safety. But right now, he's the only logical solution and you're more leaning towards him, knowing that after all he's been the first person to come to your mind.
So you pull out your phone, glancing at the paramedic that tries to hide his relief of you listening to him. You purse your lips, knowing shit is about to go down once Jungkook picks up the phone. But he doesn't respond at the first try, your free hand rubbing your unharmed temple as you dial his phone number again.
This is why you didn't want to call anyone, you're just burdening someone's Monday.
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Jungkook feels like a teen again. Almost as if he just lost his virginity and can brag to his friends about it, not that he has ever done that in the first place. Nor is he the type to brag about such an intimate thing to his friends. He used to be the shy type, not joining whenever the topic of girls swallowed the group of his teen friends.
This is not some kind of accomplishment but he can't help how content he feels right now. The moment they just shared was so beautiful, like all the times they made love. Jungkook has forgiven her a long time ago but to have it confirmed that he hasn't felt any bitter feelings during it, makes his heart more at ease. It has been such a special and emotional moment between the couple, only they can understand it. The sex full of tears, cries of pleasure and love, along with emotions.
His smile beams as he walks out of the bathroom, drying off his hair with a small white towel. The sound of Kiko continuing to shower in peace can be heard from the distance, until Jungkook's phone starts vibrating on the nightstand. His brows plunge into a frown in confusion, wondering who's calling this late. He walks up to it, towel still securely wrapped around his lower waist as he sees your name flashing on the screen. Along with the flower emoji you insisted on because apparently, you're a 'delicate flower' as you called yourself.
He chuckles at the memory and you without you even knowing, reaching for his phone as he doesn't hesitate to take the call.
"What's up, delicate flower?" he jokes, throwing the small towel he used for his hair over his shoulder.
"Hey, Kook," He hears you sigh, his grin dropping slightly. "Where are you?"
He's confused by the sudden question, but answers nevertheless. "Home."
"I'm sorry to bother you this late, but could you please come and pick me up?" you ask, somehow sounding pressured and tired at the same time, which only worries him more. You wouldn't call him and ask such a thing if it was something stupid. It's only after your questions he hears distant cars and Seoul's busy traffic.
"What happened? Are you okay?" he asks, already sounding alarmed. "Is it your car?"
"Yeah, something like that." The sigh leaves your mouth again, his head snapping to Kiko who walks into his bedroom already dressed in pajamas. She's smiling but once she sees Jungkook's widened eyes and features twisted in a worry, she stops and looks just as alarmed.
"Send me the address. I'll be there as soon as possible." he tells you, hearing you thanking him before you end the call.
"What happened?" Kiko asks, Jungkook already rushing towards the drawer he keeps his shirt on as he starts putting more clothes on.
"I don't know, I think Y/N is in trouble." he answers quickly, putting on boxers.
His hands move on their own, quick and rushed as he starts putting on the first thing he sees. It's no surprise he even pulls out a black sweatpants, matching the shirt he randomly picked but he could care less about the choice of color for his outfit.
"Trouble?"
"I don't know, she just wants me to pick her up but she had some issues with her car, so I guess something happened with it." he answers quickly, putting on a hood over his wet hair.
There's no time to blow dry it, even though he knows the risks of going out into such cold weather with wet hair.
"Oh my god, I hope she is fine." Kiko says worriedly, handing Jungkook his phone and wallet as he thanks her, already rushing to put on his shoes. The phone vibrates in his pocket, notifying him that you've sent him the address.
She hands him his jacket from the rack, watching him put it on messily before he snatches his car keys off the counter.
"I... don't know when I'll be back. You can go to sleep, if that's what you want... or--"
Kiko notices him rambling, knowing he's in a rush and it causes her to give him a smile, opening the front door for him. "Of course, go. Just please be careful, it's still snowing." she tells worriedly, seeing him nod almost not even present as he runs through the halfway to get into the underground garage to get his car.
It's still snowing. He knows that and maybe that's why he's so worried, remembering today's news where they'd warn the public to be especially careful. He can only hope nothing bad has happened and he'll have to hope for it, until he'll be there and see you himself.
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The snow eases a bit but the cold stays, causing you to shiver while you answer the paramedic's questions about your current state. You've decided to sit on the edge of the ambulance between the open back door, so you'll know when Jungkook arrives.
"No head spinning?" he asks, seeing you spaced out for a moment as you shake your head.
You're just tired, managing your own shock while you worry what's going to happen with your car. Will you be able to drive it tomorrow? It should be fine, it was your fault for panicking, not the car's. But also your car isn't in a perfect state. However, you think you're in no position to choose because you rely on your car. You've to get to your work somehow, into the club on weekends as well. It has always been more convenient for you, in terms of distance and time, to use your car rather than public transportation. That's what bothers you the most. Still, you can't really use public transportation during weekends when you're working in a club. No matter how safe South Korea is, traveling by yourself in the middle of night isn't safe, no matter the country.
Black Mercedes stops just right behind your car, coming in a record time considering you called him less than twenty minutes ago. Jungkook walks out, hood of his hoodie draped over his hair, eyes glancing at your parked car on the side of the road before his eyes are already on the ambulance. You barely manage to notice the panic on his bare features because he's already running towards you, noticing you shivering and sitting on the edge of the ambulance.
You know how this must look and knowing Jungkook, just the sight of the ambulance is enough to tick him off.
"Oh my god, what happened?" He runs towards you, cupping your face into his hands as soon as he stops in front of you, eyes wide and filled with worry and horror. You see his eyes drop to your wound, hands delicately touching your cheeks.
"It's not as bad as this whole thing looks," you tell him, motioning with your hand around you. "It's just a scratch."
Jungkook ignores you, obviously having a different opinion about how this looks. "What happened?" He presses again, looking at the paramedic who looks relieved to finally know someone came for you, and you're not going to be that stubborn to drive on your own.
"A mere car accident, sir. No one else has been hurt and the car is undamaged, but she hit her head hard and I think it's better if she doesn't drive. At least until we're sure nothing serious will occur," The man says, Jungkook's eyes focused on him as he has a prominent scowl already plastered on his usually soft features.
You shiver, causing Jungkook to glance at you as he hugs you to his body, your arms automatically wrapping underneath his padded black and warm jacket. The paramedic informs him about your car being towed, saying something about how you agreed with it and luckily doesn't mention your stubbornness. But you barely listen to him, focusing on the warmth radiating from Jungkook's body as you feel his hands stroking your back through your own jacket.
"You're not driving that car again." Jungkook says, your brows raising as you look up at him completely thrown off before you frown.
"Excuse me?" you tell him, growing irritated by his tone and how confident he sounds. It's not any of his business and who does he think he is to tell you what to do?
"You can be glad you got out with a scratch, you could've been in a hospital in a much worse state, maybe even fighting for your own life. Fuck, Y/N, that car is not safe."
You're shocked how mad he sounds all of a sudden, the worry speaking out of him automatically. At the mention of your car not being safe you glance at the man, almost looking guilty, while he raises a brow at you while he shakes his head. Well, now he surely thinks you're a dumbass. Thanks to Jungkook and his mouth.
You glare at Jungkook but he has the audacity to harden his features, completely ignoring your silent warning. "I need a car, Jungkook." you point out through your clenched teeth, unwrapping your arms off him.
"Your life is more important than a fucking car." he almost barks at you, shaking head at your stubbornness.
"You're being dramatic." you tell him, mocking him by shaking your head.
He scoffs, clenching his jaw as he looks like a minute from fuming. You get he's worried about you, you could've predicted he'd act like this once he sees your wound and the fact the ambulance had to come. But you're tired, both physically and mentally and the last thing you need is him scolding you like a kid, even in front of the parademetic that feels the tension and decides to break it.
He clears his throat, gaining both of your and Jungkook's attention. "If there are any symptoms, head spinning, throwing up or anything else. Please, don't hesitate to go to a hospital." he informs you, even glancing at Jungkook as if he's purposely saying it to him.
You're not that stupid to overlook those symptoms if they were happening to you. No matter how much the paramedic and Jungkook think you're stubborn, you wouldn't gamble with your health like that. Everyone is making out of this whole situation a bigger deal than it is.
"Yes, thank you." you tell him, giving him a bow as you stand up, already seeing a man from the tow company approaching.
The paramedic gives the two of you one last glance and nod, shutting the back door. Once everything is settled with your car, you get into Jungkook's while you both sit in silence. He doesn't start the engine right away for some reason, but you're too busy to question it as you sigh in content at the warmth of his car.
"I'm fine, Kook," you mutter, feeling his eyes on you and as you glance at him, you see him looking at you. "I know how it looks but I'm fine."
"What happened? Was it your car?" he asks, worriedly stealing a glance at your wound.
"No, it was me. I was freaking stupid for panicking. Some idiot stopped at the red light at the last minute, I wasn't driving fast but I panicked and my car jerked off the road slightly,"
"Jesus Y/N," Jungkook groans, shutting his eyes at the mention of your car jerking off the road.
"It's not that dramatic!" you exclaim, trying to persuade him that there is no reason to be so worried and dramatic, just like you've told him.
"You could've died!" he exclaims back, his rough voice surprising you as you lean in your seat, nibbling on your bottom lip. You could've died. Okay, that's a bit dramatic, you think. "That's it, I'm lending you my car."
"Don't be ridiculous," you scoff, shaking your head at his absurdity. "You need your car."
And it's a freaking expensive car, you can't risk anything happening to it. You're not a bad driver, you really aren't. Things like what happened to you just now, can happen to anyone, even to the most skillful driver.
"I'll think of something," He sounds determined as he says it, starting the engine. "You're not driving that car again."
You scoff at that, chuckling to yourself at his determination. One of the things about Jungkook, good and bad at the same time, is how much he cares about others. He worries too much, especially when it comes to his closest friends and family. It's a very strong trait of his.
"Bold of you to assume that you can tell me what to do," you mutter, feeling a sudden pang to your chest with regret. You know he's just looking out for you, and you appreciate it with all your heart. There's no one else in this world that cares for you like Jungkook does. But you still think he's being dramatic and overprotective.
His hands around the steering wheel tighten, along with his knuckles that turn white as he tries to control himself. You know he hates nothing more than you talking back at him, something you've been always doing to prove your point.
"Look, I know you were scared and I'm so grateful you came all the way here to pick me up. But I'm alive and even though my car isn't in a perfect state, it's driving okay. I'm the one who caused this accident." you tell him softer this time, seeing his jaw still locked in place as he pokes his inner cheek with his tongue.
It's only now that you notice his wet hair, a guilt growing inside of you. He's here being worried about you, dropping everything to get you and you yell at him for being dramatic. To be fair, he kind of is dramatic and even though you realize the risk and things that could've happened, you'd rather not dwell on that too much. It doesn't do any good and now, it seems like you're holding it for both of you.
"Does it hurt?" he asks softly, pointing towards his temple to hint at your wound.
"A little," you shrug, "But I'm fine." you assure him.
Jungkook seems to be deep in thoughts for the rest of the ride, so you don't dare to start a small-talk, nor you're in the mood. You're tired and you're going to work tomorrow anyway. There's no need for you to stay home. Your car is already parked in the parking lot, a guy already from the tow company is waiting for you to give you back your keys. Once that's everything settled, Jungkook agrees to your invitation to come upstairs but you know it's only because he wants to make sure there's really nothing wrong with you. As much as Jungkook is caring and worries too much, you always make sure not to burden him even more and he knows that. You both know each other, know both's intentions and when you look at each other in the elevator, there are amused smiles on your faces. However, there are no words about it being uttered.
Once the jackets are undressed and boots taken off, the warmth of your home welcomes you as you inform Jungkook you're going to change your clothes quickly. He plops onto your couch lazily, just like he always does because he's comfortable in your home just like you're in his. Thinking about him and the time when you spent a few days at his place, you're sure Jungkook would be an amazing roommate. He loves things neat and clean while he likes to cook and take care of laundry. He's a dream man for every woman. He's also very skilled whenever it comes to man's job around the house. You'll never forget how many times Jungkook changed a light bulb for you, he's changing it whenever you need him to at this point.
When you're back, wearing much more comfortable clothes than your work ones, you find him with a phone in his hands while the screen illuminates his face. Once he sees you're back, he tucks his phone back into the pocket of his sweatpants and looks at you. You notice his hair is almost all dried while you still feel a little bit guilty that he rushed so quickly to come get you.
"What were you doing out so late anyways?" he asks, remembering that underneath your thick jacket you were wearing your work attire which could mean only one thing. You were coming out of work which you confirm with your response.
"I was driving home from work."
"So late? Aren't you usually finishing around five?" he scowls, seeing you nod as you offer him something to drink but he dismisses you with a shake of his head. "Were you working overtime again?"
"Yeah, we had a meeting with customers from Japan and it prolonged." you tell him casually, his scowl still not leaving his face.
"Junho should really stop making you overwork that much." he comments. You do agree with that statement but rather than thinking Junho is that evil guy, you know he got the reason for it.
"Well, it's a very busy season and he wants to make sure everything is settled before the holidays. We got this amazing opportunity to have some of our models to be a part of a fashion show in Japan. Thanks to you, by the way. Your pictures are perfect and caught their eyes, your pictures basically got us this deal." you tell him, and for the first time Jungkook seems to beam at your praise.
"Ah, it's nothing." he waves his hand awkwardly, growing shy all of a sudden and it makes you chuckle.
"It's not nothing, you're an amazing photographer Kook." you tell him honestly, smiling at your best friend that grins cutely as soft 'thank you' leaves his mouth, looking in his lap modestly.
Then he glances at you, his smile falling as his eyes linger on your small wound. You snicker, finding his concern both cute and overdramatic. The lightning of your tripod lamp casts over his clear skin and you silently envy him for that, knowing he keeps his skincare routine minimal. You made him put face masks stored in your bathroom more than once, the amount of funny pictures of the two of you looking ridiculous while wearing them is a decent proof of it.
As Jungkook suddenly sighs, leaning his back against the sofa's back lazily, you notice something peeking underneath his hoodie. The fresh red mark contrasts with the color of his skin. Well, you can't say you're exactly shocked to see hickey adoring his skin. Even though Jungkook doesn't mention Kiko that often, and you know it's because of your opinion about her, however, there are times he just has to mention her. Especially when you ask him how his day was and what he did, his answer usually involves three things. Work, gym and Kiko. It's not like you want him to feel like he has to stop himself from mentioning her. Yes, you're still kind of bitter when it comes to the fact he's dating her again after everything she's done, and it's not going to go away. You know you'll never truly forgive her for hurting Jungkook like that. On the other hand, you're not in a place to 'forgive' her because it's not your relationship and it's Jungkook's decision. But as a best friend and a person who loves to have their own opinion, no matter how much it is not your business, you don't like her around Jungkook.
Jungkook notices your silence, turning his head to look at you as he notices your eyes on his neck. Realization hits him like a wave, he doesn't even hesitate about what you're looking at, his eyes widening as he claps his hand around the mark.
"Ah, it's... nothing." he murmurs, cringing at his repeated sentence and voice that indicates his shock and awkwardness.
You snicker, nudging his arm. "It's a hickey, Jeon. Don't be so weird about it," you chuckle, trying to lighten up the mood especially since he seems to be almost embarrassed that you've seen that.
You and Jungkook are super close, the two of you can talk about anything. He's not a typical female best friend whom you'd talk to about typical girly topics. You're close but there are some things and topics Jungkook wouldn't be able to relate to that much, no matter how much he could try. For example, a period topic. He understands you're bitchy whenever it's that time of the month and has seen you in pain more times than you can count, but it's not a topic you bring up during casual conversations or ever. On the other hand, you're very honest with him and maybe it's because he's the closest to you out of all of your friends. He's a perfect example of a person that you can talk to about anything, and he won't be making fun of you because of it.
Jungkook is the same way. He often talks about things he's doing and things that are closer to him than to you. Stuff like gym, boxing, tattoos and video games. However, one thing Jungkook keeps private is his sexlife. He's never been that open about it, especially not like you were. You practically told him all about your sex life before the deal happened. Mutual help as he calls it. Yet, you've never been too embarrassed to talk to him about it.
Partly, him not talking about it is simply because he respects his partner and doesn't go around telling anyone how the sex is. Or his sex life in general. Maybe there were a few remarks about jerking off but he usually doesn't bring it up. He believes it's a topic that is private for him and is comfortable with not talking about it with anyone that he's not intimate with.
Glancing at his hickey, it seems like the world is laughing at you. Here you are, sexually frustrated and even got into a car accident. You want to laugh at yourself, at the absurdity of the situation.
"At least one of us is getting laid." you shrug, stating casually while trying to find at least some kind of light in this tricky situation. Even though the thought of Kiko touching him and being close to him this way again makes you want to vomit. She's beautiful, hot even but that doesn't mean her actions don't speak louder.
"Y/N!" Jungkook gasps, chuckling as he shakes his head at you.
"What? I'm just saying," you shrug again effortlessly, laying back to make yourself comfortable. "This girl has her own needs too." you joke hearing him snicker.
"How bad have you hit your head?" he asks, teasing you as he pats the top of your head as if you were a dog.
You swat his hand away, playfully glaring at him before you sigh. "Shut up, I'm just being honest." you murmur.
"Try tinder or something." Jungkook suggests, met with a raise of your brow as you disapprovingly shake your head.
"Yeah, try that for yourself," you grumble, annoyed at his teasing bunny grin. "I'm busy anyways. I don't have time to go and look around for guys. And I don't want that anyway, I want things to happen naturally. I don't wanna pressure myself that I have to find someone to date, just so I'll have a boyfriend. You know what I mean?"
Frankly, Jungkook knows what you mean. He always did.
"Of course," he murmurs, poking you in your cheek when he sees you pout which you grumble, causing him to laugh.
The two of you talk for a few minutes, Jungkook deciding to give it a night when he sees you yawning every few minutes. He doesn't forget to voice out his concern about your car, saying that you're more than capable and independent to decide on your own. But you know he would rather set your car on fire.
"I'm sorry." you tell him leaning against your front door, bidding Jungkook a goodbye as you watch his brows frown in confusion.
"Sorry about what?"
"For calling you late. I'm sure you had other plans tonight." you tell him, the hickey long hidden underneath the hoodie and his jacket.
"Don't apologize for that," he says with a frown, "I'm just glad you're okay."
And you feel how honest he is. No matter how many times you tell yourself that you don't agree with his decision, hoping he'd decided differently. You know the least thing you can do is respect it for all the things he has done for you from the beginning of your friendship.
There's only one Jungkook and you should be thankful that he's in your life, regardless of what decision the two of you have made or make.
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The wound decorating, mockingly said so, your temple doesn't look better the next day. It was expected but there still had been a little hope when you woke up that it wouldn't look as bad. It turns out it looks even worse in the morning when light and sun illuminate the sky. As if it wasn't enough, there is already a bruise creating around the wound looking as if you got beaten up.
You don't care about the bruise, knowing it'll go away at some point along with the pain from the impact of yesterday night. However, you know what to expect as soon as you make it to work. Turns out you're right once again, met with countless worried and shocked expressions from your co-workers but also people you've never talked to, or never realized they work in there too. None of those expressions have been genuine and being in this industry for some time, knowing some of those people, you know they just want the latest gossip and are too curious for their own good.
By the time you come up to your floor, you lose count how many people have asked you what happened to you and faked their concern. The answer is simple and the same every time; 'Just a small accident' is what you say with a tight smile that shows your discomfort, but none of them cares. They're too nosy to be more empathic and to leave you alone.
The only person you expect to actually leave you alone and show you no interest is none other than Yoongi. As much as he proved himself to be annoying, sticking his nose where it doesn't belong (considering all the teasing about Jungkook that he's been doing), you don't actually expect him to care about your little scratch. There couldn't be anything done with it and even though you've put some concealer on the new bruise, it's still pretty much visible. The odds are not in your favor when you notice him across the room, sporting that annoyed look he has every time someone talks to him before he gets to drink all of his iced Americano. But then he looks at you, eyes slightly widening when he sees the bruise but as it came, it's gone before he excuses himself. Surely using you as an excuse not to talk to Sophia who usually needs something when she's talking to someone. You notice her annoyed expression before she walks away with an annoyed puff, smirk curling on Yoongi's lips when he hears it but is luckily turned with his back to her, so she hasn't seen it. Not that Yoongi would actually care if she had seen it.
"Clumsy much?" he jokes, walking towards you looking even more pleased when he sees your narrowed eyes in annoyance. "Did you trip over something or what?"
You fight the urge to roll your eyes at his childishness, debating whether you should strangle or just ignore him. "I had a car accident, you idiot. At least you can pretend to be concerned like everyone else in this building." you grumble at him, attentively looking at his features.
He does look surprised at the new information, surely the news hasn't made it to this floor yet. You know he perfectly understood your words and the hidden meaning behind them. He had shoulder surgery last year and everyone faked their concern about him, just like they're doing with you right now.
You watch his features twist into worry, mouth opened agape as he lets out a dramatic gasp. For a second, you're actually believing he's concerned but then he sets his mouth free and your surprise drops. "Oh my god, is the car okay?" he asks, still faking his concern.
You can't help it but find him funny, chuckling at his absurdity as you shake your head at him. "Fuck off." you tell him, seeing him giving you an amused grin.
"You good?" he asks, tone dropping as he tries to act neutral.
The little smirk appearing on your lips gets ignored by him. "Yeah, I'm good. Hurts a bit but I'm fine."
He nods almost awkwardly, clearing his throat as he looks around the room for a moment. "I'm just asking because Yejun is gone for this weekend again. So if you're not coming to your Saturday shift, you'll have to let me know so I can find someone else to replace you."
You're not sure if he just found an excuse to ask about your condition, but you don't even think about it. When it comes to Yoongi, there are moments where it's better not to overthink his actions and just let him be.
You've got more important things to deal with, like your job. Two jobs that you need and the mention of Yoongi possibly thinking you won't be coming this Saturday to work at the club, you're quick to jump into action. "No, I'm coming." you tell him, met with a puzzled look as he glances at your bruise for a second.
He looks a little baffled at your sudden appearance and the determination to come to work, but doesn't comment on it. "Don't be late." he grumbles, leaving you standing in the middle of the room as he walks away.
The rest of the week rolls quite quickly, the busyness of Junho's demands is just enough to keep you exactly that – busy. Your bruise gets even worse, having shades of red, green and yellow. It takes ten more minutes to your usual morning routine to cover at least some of it. It doesn't hurt that much and you're completely fine, which you're trying to assure Jungkook every day. That man spams you with messages every day, asking you how you're doing and bringing up his car all the time. He's too determined to lend you his car, but you're also determined to turn him down on that offer. On the other note, it's better you don't get to see him face to face, the last time he's seen you was when he came to pick you up, the night of the accident. If he saw your ugly bruise, you'd have to listen to him scolding you all over again.
Good thing he doesn't know about your car being in a car service again. It broke down in the middle of the week, leaving you with no other choice than to use public transport. That adds at least another hour to your morning routine, so not only do you have to take the time to cover your bruise, you also have to wake up earlier to get to work just in time. He'd freak out if he knew you're going off the work alone and late at night.
To say it this way – this week has been one hell of a week and despite you've been barely home, going there just to wash yourself and go to sleep, the last thing you want is to lock yourself there and be all alone. A drink sounds good now and that's why you sit on a bar stool, after changing yourself back to the clothes you came here wearing.
Yoongi looks shocked to still see you there, wondering why the hell aren't you going home when your shift has ended. It's written all over his face and he tells you exactly that, leaning against a bar with furrowed brows.
"I need a drink," you simply tell him, ordering one of the drinks that are written on the menu on the black board behind him. You recognize that drink as a popular pick amongst women that come here.
Yoongi looks a little baffled but goes to mix your drink anyways. "Aren't you driving?" he asks once he's done, passing the drink in front of you.
"Thanks," you tell him, your gratitude and politeness ignored by him as he waits for your answer. "No, my car is in a car service... again."
He's amazing at hiding his reactions when he wants to and he's even better at staying neutral, so you can't tell if he already knew about you not driving to work or not. The truth is, he didn't know. He doesn't pay you that much attention and it's not like he goes around the huge parking lot, looking for your car.
"You're going home by bus?" he asks. You fight the urge to tease him, deciding to leave it for now. It's nice to have a casual conversation, something that doesn't contain work or Jungkook's overdramatic ideas of lending you his car.
"Cab," you answer him simply, your answer followed by a shrug. "I don't feel like waiting at a bus stop in this weather late at night."
He doesn't say anything for a moment, interrupted by one of the customers as he goes back to work. You sit there with your thoughts, enjoying the drink that has hints of pineapple, vodka and something else that tastes sweet and fights the strong taste of alcohol. Yoongi is great at mixing drinks, however you let that praise to yourself and enjoy the drink instead. By the time you barely get to finish your drink, a third guy approaches you trying to buy you a drink as you politely decline. From the corner of your eyes you notice Yoongi glancing at your way, always making sure the customers aren't uncomfortable. It's something you've noticed ever since Yoongi replaced Yejun's absence. You understand why Yejun trusts his brother with his club, knowing it's in good hands while he's away.
"Listen, I'm not interested. I can buy myself a drink." you huff at the man, wondering why they keep coming when all you're wearing are a pair of jeans with a random hoodie you pulled out of your closet today. There are dozens of women wearing short and tight dresses, looking way more appealing than you and your bruise and kind of horrendous outfit.
The man huffs annoyingly, ego hurt by your somehow polite but still bitter decline of him buying you a drink. Free drink would sound nice but you know you'd never get rid of him if you agreed. He wasn't even your type.
"Damn, for a minute I thought I should step in but you got it handled." Yoongi jokes, approaching you as you hand him the empty glass and order another one.
"I got everything handled, Min," you assure him, pursing your lips in amusement as he grins and starts mixing you your second drink. You're not going to lie, it strokes your ego a little bit knowing guys are coming up to you even when you look... like this. On the other side, they all seem drunk and you know that kind of type of man. Looking for someone to sleep with tonight.
Once Yoongi hands you your second drink, he goes up to Mark and talks to him for a second. You pull your phone out of the pocket of your jeans, trying to entertain yourself for a moment by opening an Instagram app. You look at your friends' and people you follow stories, noticing Jungkook posted something too. You're not surprised at the mention of Kiko's account as he snapped a simple picture of a pizza box, captioning his Insta Story with 'pizza saturday night' with Kiko's username. Your curiosity gets the best out of you and you click onto her profile. Let's not act as if you weren't stalking her Instagram account from time to time. Well, you wouldn't call it stalking... more like observing because you're curious. Most of her pictures are of her wearing nice outfits or simple selfies showing her beauty. You notice Hoseok in some pictures too but the newest one she posted just an hour ago catches your attention right away. How could it not when it's your best friend, those doe eyes staring at you as he's biting into pizza, staring at the camera with wide eyes and teeth digging into pizza. You recognize the background as Jungkook's apartment, being there too many times not to recognize it straight away.
She simply captioned the picture with a single black heart, sparking an annoyance inside of you. Not from jealousy, but from the fact she doesn't deserve him. Do all her friends that commented on that picture or even liked it know that she cheated? They surely don't. There are only a very few people who know and it's not something to brag about.
Too interested in the picture and annoyed at Jungkook's girlfriend, you don't notice someone else approaching you until you see a movement beside you in the corner of your eyes. Yoongi plops on the bar stool next to you, shamelessly staring at your screen as you glare at him, locking the phone and stuffing it back into your pocket.
"Stalking your boyfriend, I see." he teases, causing you to glare at him again as you roll your eyes. Stalking is a bit of a strong word.
"Get lost," you grumble at him, "I wasn't stalking."
"Mhm," he hums, pouring himself a shot of vodka as you stare at him with wide eyes. Isn't he working? "The club is closing soon and I feel like you need some company. You've been more grumpy lately, more than usual actually."
Scoffing, you bite your tongue not to deny his assumption because in a way, he's right. You wouldn't say you're grumpy, or more grumpy like he said, you just have a lot on your mind. "Are you sure your company is the one I need?" you respond, taking a sip of your drink as he grins at you.
"What other option do you have?" He motions around him and you look behind you, noticing almost everyone shitfaced as the club is slowly emptying. Even the music isn't as loud as it had been before.
"Go home, so I don't have to sit here with you?" you deadpan, seeing him snorting at you as a grin makes a way to your lips. In other scenarios, if it were with a different person sitting next to you, you'd tell yourself you're rude and shouldn't have responded like that. But you also know it's Yoongi and he treats you the same way. It's just the way you both are with each other.
His own grin tells you that he's not offended, more like amused by your response.
"I'm surprised," he starts, catching your attention once again as you glance at him.
His dark hair almost touches the top of his eyes, the club lights creating shadows on his pale skin as he puts down the empty glass. When did he drink it all?
"Your best friend left quite an impression on Junho, haven't seen that in a while."
You realize, this is the first time he hasn't called Jungkook your boyfriend, but a best friend instead. Deciding it's better not to comment on that, liking that he's not calling him that or teasing you for it.
"Yeah, the pictures turned out great." you nod. There's no doubt Jungkook did an amazing job, everyone in the company knows it and Yoongi is aware of that too. And you're not saying it because Jungkook is your friend.
"I heard thanks to his pictures it got us a deal with Rakuten," Yoongi says, surprisingly sounding casually and quite impressed which is a nice change from the constant bickering and teasing the two of you don't seem to let you.
In your defense, it's not your fault. He's the one who started to be annoying, you're just looking after yourself. Even though his behavior is still irritating, pretty much sparking a new kind of irritation inside of you that you never knew you've got in the first place, it's not as bad as you thought it is and you got used to it. Still, there are times you'd rather strangle him than put up with his annoying ass.
You agree with him, saying that Jungkook is very skillful in many things, photographing being one of them. However, you refrain yourself from praising Jungkook any further, not wanting to give him another reason to think you're obsessed with your best friend or anything similarly absurd that Yoongi seems to be thinking or wanting to tease you about. Despite Yoongi's determination to call Jungkook your boyfriend, even though he surely knows that's not true, there's something telling you he's doing it to purely tease you.
Still, the credit goes mainly to Jungkook, thanks to him the models from your agency get to walk on the runway in Japan. It's the biggest talk of this week (it's even more interesting than your car accident) which you're thankful for.
"So, has the lover boy got back to his ex?"
You don't expect Yoongi to ask such a thing, nor remember the information you've told him some time ago. But then again, it just confirms the assumption about him being attentive and remembers things even if he acts like he doesn't.
"Yeah," you murmur, scrunching your nose a little bit before you can control your reaction, knowing very well he's looking at you. "He's probably getting some as we're speaking." That makes him laugh, an actual laugh leaves his mouth as he reaches over the bar for the bottle of vodka to pour himself another shot.
"You sound jealous." Yoongi comments, mistaking your reaction as you snicker under your breath.
"That he's getting some? Maybe," you admit, the alcohol getting into your head is giving you more courage and you feel more comfortable admitting such a thing in front of him. "Jealous that he got back to his ex? Nope."
Yoongi doesn't spare you a glance, frowning at the glass as he pours himself a shot but you know he's listening to you as he nods. "You do sound a little bitter about it though."
"Yeah, because she's a bitch." you almost spit, taking a sip of your drink before you can let the anger consume you knowing it's mainly the alcohol that makes you so loose-lipped.
"Is she really?" he asks, surprised, gulping the alcohol as if it's nothing and just plain water causing you to cringe. You can smell the vodka on his breath, wondering how he's not already gagging at the taste.
"Yeah, no," you answer quickly, confusing yourself as you shake your head. "I don't know," you sigh, met with Yoongi's dumbfounded look he's giving you.
Well, you do sound dumb right now but it's the confusion and your brain trying to find a way to explain it to him. You don't want to reveal such information about Kiko cheating on Jungkook. Not because you want to protect her, but because you feel sorry for Jungkook. You don't want Yoongi to acknowledge him as a guy that got cheated on. At the same time, it's not your place to tell that to anyone. It's a respectful thing to do for your best friend. Maybe if it wasn't Jungkook, you wouldn't mind that much. Hell, if it wasn't Jungkook and someone else, Jungkook would be the first person you reveal such information.
"The thing is..." you start, finishing your drink as you silently plead Yoongi for making you another one. He sighs, disappointed that you want such a thing from him when you're about to explain yourself.
Too lazy to do it himself, he calls at Mark and gives him an instruction to make you the drink, ignoring your raised brow as he stares at you, telling you to continue.
"She hurt him very badly. I don't think she deserves him." you tell him simply.
For a moment, Yoongi sits while being turned your way, waiting for you to say something else but then when he realizes that's all you wanted to say, his shoulders slouch in a mere disappointment as he gives you an unimpressed look.
"What? What did you expect?" you exclaim, laughing a little at his reaction.
"I don't know? Some juicy stuff? Just when I thought you've got something interesting to say." You know he's partly joking when the corner of his mouth twitches and he tries to hide it by looking away, but you notice it feigning a gasp.
"I'm an interesting person for your information," you clarify, pursing your lips when he gives you an amused smirk. "I am!" you exclaim, causing him to laugh as your laugh is followed right behind his.
"Okay, Ms. Interesting," he scoffs, grinning at you. "You're weird." he comments suddenly, causing you to think about it for a second.
You've never considered yourself to be weird. Okay, there are a few moments when you think you're weird but you wouldn't consider yourself as that. "I'm not weird. What do you mean?" you frown, staring at him in confusion.
Mark places the drink in front of you, smiling when you thank him as he leaves the two of you alone. You notice a lot of people already left but there are still a few people dancing on the dance floor and lingering around, too drunk to stand up and leave. Casual Saturday night.
"Well, you have a best friend that somehow became your fuck buddy, except he's not that anymore. Then he gets back to his ex and you're bitter about it, not only that. You're also bitter that his sex life is better than yours." he explains, somehow looking amused again as you see you dumbfoundedly staring in front of you as you let his words sink in.
"Okay, maybe I'm a little weird," you murmur, making him laugh as you scoff, nudging his shoulder. "Oh, shut up. Also, I'm not bitter that he got back with her. Bitter isn't the word I'd describe myself as. I think annoyed and disappointed is a better description. One, because he's my best friend and I care about him. Two, she probably isn't totally a bad person but she hurt him. Three, he's freaking stupid for letting her back into his life when he deserves better."
Your chest heaves by the time you're done, realizing that those words got out of you in an instant but fuck, does it feel good. Just the fact you told Yoongi out of all people is beyond you.
Just when you expect him to tease you about it, or comment on it somehow, he actually has something rational to say.
"Love makes people do crazy things."
"Yeah, he's like a lost puppy when it comes to her." you murmur, shaking your head at your best friend as you gulp all of your drink.
Yoongi stares at you amusingly. "What about that part of his sex life being better than yours?"
"That part," you start, "is true." you laugh at yourself.
He doesn't mock you like you expect him to. "Well, to your better sex life." he says nonchalantly, however sporting that annoying smirk as he clinks your glasses together.
You'll gladly toast to that, hoping it'll bring you at least some kind of luck.
You're not sure how much time has passed, you haven't checked nor do you care that much. Somehow, you still haven't grown tired or annoyed by Yoongi's presence and actually found it quite intriguing considering you're not in each other's hair. Maybe it's the amount of alcohol you've drank, and the mentioned substance is responsible for Yoongi being talkative more than usual. You both talk about things that don't really matter, still kind of non-personal but you consider it as a success nevertheless.
What's more shocking is the fact that the nightclub located in Itaewon is empty and already closed. It's just you and Yoongi, bonding over drinks that you've lost count. You're not that drunk, just enough to blubber while you're not sure if Yoongi is even listening to you or just acting as if he is.
You're careful not to get completely wasted, and for the first time this week you feel yourself relaxing. Yoongi seems fine too, maybe a little bit lazier than usual but maybe it's because he seems to be more relaxed. He still sticks to vodka, too lazy to make you drink again so you're left with no other choice than to do shots with him. It's your second one, the burning taste of the first one is still fresh on your tongue.
"So, are you and Mark still hooking up?" you ask after a moment of silence, remembering Mark's flushed cheeks and the noticeable shy look he was giving Yoongi the other day.
"What, you interested?" He can't help but tease you, earning the expected roll of your eyes. Is he asking about himself or Mark? Not that it matters, they both aren't exactly ugly.
"As if," you huff, "Just curious." you murmur against the class of your coke, needing a little break before taking the shot in front of you.
It's weird to be in a nightclub that's completely empty, no loud music blasting in your ears. It's kind of relaxing. You almost laugh at your thoughts, momentarily distracted from your conversation with Yoongi because he's taking his time to respond.
"No, we're not. I ended it." He decides to answer. You get the feeling he revealed something he's not sure he wanted to reveal, but he doesn't seem to be too bothered as he takes a sip of his own coke and reaches for the salted chips he pulled from one of the cabinets.
"Why?" you ask, wondering if you aren't being too nosy but you don't get that many chances to pry. And there aren't that many times you're this nosy about him and his life. You can't believe him and Mark hooked up. Not because they're both men, it's not that. Not at all. But somehow the information of Yoongi hooking up with his brother's employee is quite shocking. You're not even sure why.
"I had a feeling Mark is catching feelings, so I ended it before it could end up with a heartbreak." he explains bluntly, as if he wasn't speaking about someone's feelings. Surprisingly, rather than thinking that Yoongi is being cold it's not that thought that crosses your mind.
Despite you and Yoongi working together, you're not super close and don't consider him as your friend. He definitely doesn't consider you as his friend. Somehow the two of you always end up talking (or bickering is a more accurate word). But you think he sounds so blunt because that's who he is. He doesn't show his emotions that much and it's okay. It's hard to tell what he's thinking. And you mean by this is, that instead of thinking that he's cold towards Mark you realize that he put his feelings first. You realize he didn't want to hurt him. Yoongi's words of not wanting to date remind themselves in the back of your mind, making sense why he ended it.
"Did you tell him you're not interested in dating?" you ask, reaching for some chips too as you munch on the salty snack.
"Of course," he almost scoffs, as if you asking this question is ridiculous. "When two people are hooking up, it's bound that one of them always catches feelings sooner or later." he states, surely of his statement as you can't help but disagree.
"That's not true," you shake your head, "Me and Jungkook hooked up and none of us caught feelings."
Yoongi chuckles at that, causing you to frown. What's funny? "Either one of you did or you're both lying to yourselves."
You roll your eyes at that. Again. Another person who thinks you and Jungkook can't stay friends without being in love. To be honest, not all friends hooked up together but your situation is different. You and Jungkook are different, and you're the only ones who understand that. To other people it seems weird, sometimes you can't believe you had sex with your best friend. Many times to be exact. But then you remember when you did have sex and how it felt. And you don't regret it.
"I know it's hard to believe and hard to get through your thick head," You ignore the glare he sends your way, "But Jungkook is very much in love with his ex, well, girlfriend now. Trust me, he doesn't think of me that way or any other women at that."
He stares at you for a moment, you recognize confusion coating his dark and sharp eyes as he shakes his head with a sigh. "Then it's just a matter of time."
"Oh my god, stop," you groan, "Women and men can be friends without being in love. You sound like our friends. You guys just don't get our friendship."
"I'm not saying women and men can't be friends. Okay, maybe you aren't in love with each other. But if you had continued fucking, I'm almost certain one of you would catch feelings," He sounds determined, believing his words as you think it through.
You don't even think of Jungkook that way. It's impossible. He doesn't think of you that way and your friendship is too precious. Before you can think about it any further, you shake your head to shake them off.
"Maybe I'm wrong. I just speak out of my experience. Every person I've been with, I was always straightforward that I'm not interested in a relationship. And it always ended up with someone getting too attached."
"By someone I presume you mean the other person?" Yoongi isn't the type to get attached, especially when he's too determined to let the person he's about to hook-up to know he's not interested in anything further than sex.
"Yes," he answers, shrugging slightly. "Maybe it's just my bad luck." he tries to joke, actually mustering a tiny smile of amusement from you in return.
"Well, me and Jungkook are different. I know it sounds impossible, considering your experience but I don't think it justifies every person who hooks up with someone else. I mean... there are people who just fuck and don't fall in love." you tell him.
He thinks it through for a moment, pursing his lips slightly before he gives you a brief nod. "You're right."
"Oh my, did you just tell me I'm actually right?" you joke, nudging him slightly to his side as he sneers at you.
"Oh, shut up," he mocks you, "But, you've to admit. There aren't many best friends that fuck too. Besides, the two of you looked like a fucking couple."
"Yeah, so I heard," you chuckle. You've heard that quite often from your friends. "I guess we both were lonely. Is it weird that we're completely fine even though we fucked and were too affectionate during that time?"
Perhaps Yoongi isn't the right person to ask that, or even let him judge it in the first place, but you still voice your thoughts wanting to hear his opinion.
"Weird? Fuck yes," he chuckles, noticing the way you shift on your spot with a little frown. "But like you said, only you and him understand each other. I'm just telling you how it looked from an outer perspective."
You nod, pursing your lips in thought as silence overtakes the two of you. If you've seen two best friends suddenly kissing each other and being too touchy in public, you would think there's more between them than just friendship or them being friends with benefits. You kind of get why Yoongi thought you're dating him. No, you definitely get it.
"If he didn't get back to his ex, would you still fuck him?"
The straightforward question surprises you a bit, your mouth opening in shock as you stare at Yoongi who looks genuinely curious, as if he is testing something. Like you said, it's hard to see what he thinks.
Would you still fuck Jungkook if he haven't gotten back to Kiko? Probably. Oh, who are you kidding. Of course you fucking would. The sex with Jungkook has been a wild ride that haunts you till this day. As absurd or weird this sounds, considering Jungkook is your best friend, you wish you had at least one last chance to let him pound you. You said what you said. It definitely has something to do with your sex frustration and knowing Jungkook is a literal beast in bed doesn't help.
Fucking Kiko is probably having the sex of her life right now. It pisses you off. Couldn't Jungkook be average in bed? Does he have to be so fucking attractive? Which you always knew, but now knowing what his abs feel like under your touch or how his dick looks is something you didn't know a few months ago.
"Shamelessly, I'm saying yes," you tell him, ignoring the rush of heat that spreads on your cheeks and you hope Yoongi doesn't notice it in this dim lightning. "Just because he's fucking good in bed and it sucks he's my best friend. I shouldn't think about him this way."
"That's debatable," he muses, causing you to look at him curiously as you silently tell him to elucidate. "You shouldn't think about fucking him because he has a girlfriend. But you also can't really control it since you know what that feels like. He got his girlfriend back and what did you get from fucking him?"
"Some mind blowing orgasms," you answer immediately, too quickly as the answer spills naturally out of your mouth before you can think about it. Yoongi stares at you with a raised brow as you shrug. "I said what I said."
You're not lying though. He really gave you the best orgasms in your life. It'll be hard to compete with that with your future partner.
"You're awfully honest when you're drunk." Yoongi comments amusingly, taking a shot to hide his smirk.
"I'm not drunk, I'm slightly buzzed." Haven't you heard those words before? Weren't you the one saying them? You can't remember, it sounds awfully familiar.
"Somehow I don't think you'd thirst over your best friend if you were 'slightly buzzed'." he says, mockingly emphasizing quotes with his fingers.
"Yah, I'm not thirsting over him!" you exclaim, slapping his shoulder as he hisses at you but still has that annoying grin plastered on his lips. He's enjoying this. "Okay, maybe I am." you add quietly, letting out a dramatic sigh.
"You definitely are," he muses with pursed lips, causing you to be the one who hisses at him this time. "You need to get laid."
"You don't say," you grumble with your nose scrunched. "Are you offering?" you tease him, expecting to be met with a disgusted look on his face or his voice sounding disgusted.
However, you see him actually thinking about it. "Oh my god! Are you seriously thinking about it?" you exclaim, laughing.
"What? No!" he tries to deny, but he shifts on his spot as his facade slowly falls down. Alcohol makes him less expressionless. "So what? This guy hasn't got any action in a while." he grumbles, your eyes almost falling out of their sockets.
Not because apparently, Yoongi hasn't had sex for a while. But because he actually thought about it. Thought about you. The annoying co-worker that irritates him but is fun to tease because he's a little shit. You can't lie, your sex frustration is annoying too. Just the thought of having someone take care of you, sexually of course, is arousing.
"Are you even attracted to me?" you ask, eyes carefully observing him as a little frown of confusion is decorating your face.
"I don't know." he answers with a shrug, causing you to scoff.
"Thanks, idiot," you grumble, seeing him grin in return. You don't understand this guy. "Well, there's only one way to find out." You've no idea where this courage is coming from.
Yoongi looks at you curiously, although there's something telling you he has to at least find you a little bit attractive if he suggested such a thing.
"Kiss me." you tell him, not expecting him to give such a blunt expression. He doesn't look not at least caught off guard as he sucks in breath, looking somewhere behind you before he looks at you.
"Why should I be the first one to kiss you? Kiss me first."
You roll your eyes at his childishness. "You're such a kid," you comment, "Let's do it at the same time."
"Fine," he murmurs, straightening himself as he inches closer to you.
It's weird to look him in the eyes, seeing him up close with the thought that you're about to kiss him. However, your brain is clouded to think about the fact that this is Min Yoongi. The one and only who's been a huge pain in the ass. Alcohol heats up your body, giving you more courage to do this thing and it probably intensifies your need to feel some action.
You're not sure who kisses who first, you two somehow inch close to each other until your lips meet in an awkward peck. You almost cringe, already feeling some type of awkwardness and when you meet Yoongi's eyes, he probably thinks the same thing.
Okay, let's try it again. If it doesn't work, you'll pretend any of this didn't happen. He sees your eyes glancing at his lips, recognizing what you're about to do and he doesn't protest. The kiss is exactly that. It doesn't feel special but it's enough to light up the fire inside your stomach. It feels nice, his lips feel nice. They're a little bit chapped but so are yours from the cold weather. This time it's not a single peck, your mouths moving together.
There's a little bit of tongue and saliva while Yoongi keeps his hands to himself, touching you with nothing but his lips only. You pull him closer, hearing him groan as he presses his lips rougher to yours. Couple minutes of kissing leaves the two of you breathless, Yoongi standing up as he takes your hand and leads you somewhere. You recognize the path as a path to Yejun's office. There's no time to look around properly, you've been here once and that's when Yejun interviewed you, when Yoongi presses his lips to yours.
"So I take it, I am attractive?" you chuckle into the kiss, feeling the edge of Yejun's desk digging into your lower back.
Yoongi's hands are somehow respectfully on your hips, not letting them drop any lower.
"Anything will do," he says, going for another kiss as you pull back and nudge him in the cheek, causing his head to turn to the side slightly. "What do you want?"
"You're ruining the mood, Min," you grumble, "I don't want to do this if you're not sure or feel disgusted by me."
"You think I would kiss you if I was disgusted by you?" he asks dumbfounded. "God, women. This is why I usually hook-up with men." he grumbles, searching your face as you glare at him but there's a tiny smirk twitching in the corner of your lips.
"Don't blame me!" you exclaim, "So... you prefer women too?" you ask timidly, glancing at him who barely has any expression, simply staring at you. "Sorry, I didn't want to assume your sexuality. I just always thought... y'know..."
Considering his little comments about Jungkook, and now you finding out he used to hooking up with Mark, you somehow thought he prefers men. Well, you didn't think about it until now.
"You're doing exactly that," he grins, not offended at all even though he acts like it a little bit. "It's just been a while since I was with a woman."
You nod, biting your lower lip in thought. You're not going to lie, making out with Yoongi made the thought of enjoying this night to the fullest more appealing. Also, you're aware that if the two of you were completely sober, none of this would probably happen. You're not wasted, neither is Yoongi but you're both buzzed. You could taste the vodka on his lips, nothing too strong but the taste is there.
"You wanna continue?" you ask, tilting your head slightly.
"I think I do," he answers, "Do you?"
"Yeah," you nod, giving him a consent he's asking for before you're kissing all over again. It's not too rushed, even though there's no doubt the two of you are aroused. The pace is just fine and it feels like you're both testing the waters with each other.
Deciding it's enough of kissing, you take off your hoodie and toss on the desk behind you, ushering Yoongi to take his own too. He does, showing you his plain white shirt and buffed out chest. You feel bad for wanting to compare him to Jungkook. It's ridiculous, they've different body types. Yoongi still has his own charms. Your jeans follow next, there aren't many words said out loud, both of you taking off your jeans purposely out of one reason. To get each other off. Back in your mind you can hear yourself scolding that this is not you and you've never done this before. Sure, you hooked up with Jungkook but that's different. Maybe you weren't dating him for real, but he's always been close to you in more than one way. Yoongi isn't a stranger but still, you don't know him that well.
But why shouldn't you have fun? You both want this. You've had enough time to think about this, to make sure this is what you want and it is.
Your thoughts are interrupted by Yoongi's fingers brushing against your clothed heat, your breath hitching in your throat at the foreign but also familiar feeling. His fingers feel different, but the feeling of warmth that spreads there is familiar. He rubs you through your panties, luckily you've decided to wear your nice ones which are still kind of plain but at least there's a little lace on the edges. Both of your shirts stay on your bodies, your hands fumbling with Yoongi's belt. Your throat is dry, in desperate need to feel more.
When he hears your whimper, he tucks a finger under the hem of your panties before he looks up at you in question, seeing you nod before you desperately tell him to take them off. He does, cold air hitting your arousal but you're too distracted with pulling Yoongi's jeans down as you see his bulge in his dark blue boxers. You're not going to lie, you're pleased that he's as aroused as you're. You had your doubts though, you don't know why. It's still unbelievable that this is happening.
You cup him through his boxers hearing a soft gasp as you squeeze him. He impatiently jerks his hips into your hand, ignoring the little smirk you make sure he sees. He glares at you, rubbing your clit in circles as it's your time to gasp. He grins at you, raising a brow at you. It's better to ignore him, you think as you pull him out of his undergarments. Your throat gets dry again, too pleased with seeing an actual dick. It makes you sound as if you were a hungered woman for some dick. You're not. Just horny and sexually frustrated.
You give him a few lazy strokes, making sure you spread his pre-cum leaking from the tip over his mushroom head to make it more pleasing for him. You smirk when he groans into your neck as his breath hits your skin there. Suddenly, he drops on his knees looking up at you from the floor as you stare at him surprisingly.
He doesn't say anything, simply spreading your legs as you happily comply. You can't believe you feel an ounce of nervosity when you catch him staring at your heat. There's no doubt he sees your juices spread all over it, he could feel it when he started rubbing your clit. Somewhere back in your mind, you pat yourself for shaving this morning.
"Fuck, it's been a while since I've seen pussy." he breathes out, licking his lips as you stare with widened pupils.
"That's probably the best and only compliment you ever gave me." you muse, sitting further onto the desk as he looks up at you with a mischievous grin.
"Don't get used to it." he mutters, hands grabbing your thighs.
You don't dwell onto this too much, but his touch is more automatic. It feels nice but it's automatic and you can feel that there's no crazed and longed desire for each other. You're there to simply make each other feel good, you're aware that this won't repeat again. It's happening because of current circumstances.
"Wasn't planning to." you point out, gasping when he finally puts his mouth onto your clit.
One thing has to be said. Yoongi is freaking good at using his mouth, making you see stars as you finally feel something other than your own hand (which you've failed at) or the stupid sex toy Jungkook bought for you. It's good to feel someone else touching you. You feel his tongue lapping onto your clit and juices, tasting you. It doesn't take long for you to feel the burn between your legs and the pit of your stomach, your hands slightly nudging away Yoongi's face. It's too soon.
Yoongi looks at you, almost annoyed that you haven't allowed him to make you cum, though still glancing at you with curiosity.
"I want your fingers." you tell him, in a desperate need to feel stuffed. As much as his mouth is amazing, wondering when was the last time he's been eating out a pussy, you need to feel something inside of you. Even if it's not his dick, you've to feel at least his fingers. This way you can pleasure him too.
"Demanding stuff now, I see." he chuckles, but happily complies and stands up to his feet.
You see him licking his lips as he scoots closer to you, sucking onto your neck while you feel his fingers circling your hole. You gasp, not wanting to waste a time as you take his length into your hand and start pumping him. The first moment he enters you with his fingers is unbelievable, leaving you moaning as his dark hair rubs against your cheek, his lips busy kissing your neck. He stretches you good with his three fingers, pumping them fast as he feels you tightening around them.
"Fuck, no wonder your friend kept fucking you."
Perhaps in other situations you feel scandalized that he's bringing up Jungkook into this. Especially if your hand is wrapped around his dick and his fingers inside you. Shockingly, you're not. The thought of thinking about Jungkook in the middle of this makes you even tighter. If Yoongi notices, he doesn't call you out on it and sets an even quicker pace. You do the same thing, his pre-cum making your hand around him more comfortable as you keep jerking him off with faster pace.
Your and Yoongi's moans, along with the slick sounds coming from your heat and Yoongi's fingers, are the only sounds in Yejun's office. Oh fuck, hopefully he won't know about this. Would you get fired if he knew? Will Yoongi tell him? You shake off these thoughts, wanting to enjoy the pleasure while it lasts because you can feel the familiar burn. Chasing after your orgasm, your hand is focused on Yoongi's dick while the other one is gripping his shoulder for some support, while your hips buckle into his hand.
"Fuck, I'm coming."
Yoongi doesn't comment, already recognizing you tightening and loosening the pace of your hand as a sign over you close to the edge.
"Then come." he grunts at you, gently biting into your neck. Few more thrusts of his long and slick fingers, you're coming undone underneath them as you moan out low 'fuck'.
Yoongi slows down his pace and fucks you through your orgasm, his own hips shuttering as you're reminded of his hardened length. It pulsates, still wanting to chase his own end as you grip him harder and start jerking him off. You notice him looking down, not at your hand gripping his dick as you expect him. His eyes are focused on your heat, watching your juices and cum dripping down from your tight hole as his eyes darken. You smirk, spreading your legs wider to let him see.
"You like that?" you chuckle, getting a response in the form of a grunt.
"Fuck," he moans, his hips completely freezing as you quicken your pace knowing he's already there. "Fuck!" he groans, throwing his head back as he's cumming all over your stomach, the skin there hidden by your shirt.
His body almost falls on yours, your arms wrapping around his frame as he holds himself against the edge of the desk. "Fuck, sorry." he murmurs, clearing his throat as he straightens himself.
"What for?" you ask, letting your legs relax as a cold air hits you again.
"I ruined your shirt." he says, pointing at your shirt. You see as the fabric soaks some of his seed, still the very visible stain of his cum.
"I'm used to you guys ruining my clothes," you joke, shaking your head at him when you see him looking at you confusingly. You know what you mean, your little comment mainly amusing you as you stand up.
There's no point in going any further. You're both content with how this ended, the look in both eyes says it all as you give yourselves a nod.
"This won't be awkward between us, right?" you ask, just to be sure. Reaching for your jeans, Yoongi does the same thing as he tucks his soft length back into his boxers.
He hands you your panties, getting a casual 'thanks' from you. "Not if you make it awkward." he simply says, causing you to nod.
This is not the first time Yoongi has done something like this. He's pretty much casual about this whole thing, not looking affected by the fact he pleasured his annoying co-worker, you. You're not affected by it as you thought you'd be too. But still, you can't believe you just gave him a handjob while he ate you out and fingered you. It's better if you don't overthink this, you don't even want to.
"Okay, see you at work?" you ask, putting a hoodie over your shirt as you mentally cringe when you feel the wet fabric.
"Not to look like I'm clingy because I'm not," he starts, "But let's go in a cab together." Oh, right. He has drank so he can't drive. Even though he looks completely fine and it looks like the handjob completely has sobered him up, you both know he drank and it's not safe to risk it.
"Why?" You probably have an idea but you're genuinely curious.
"It's too late for you to go in a cab alone." he simply says, giving you a weird look that tells you 'what's the big deal?'.
Deciding it's fun to tease him, you grin at him as he stares at you dumbfoundedly. "Aw, one look at my pussy and you're worried?" you coo at him.
He doesn't look amused at all, glaring at you as he scoffs. "This is why I mainly stick to dicks." he mutters, already turning around and ready to leave.
"Yeah, because you're one of them." you say behind him, seeing him flicking you off while turned to you with his back.Your evil laugh resounds in the club while Yoongi makes sure everything is in its place and lights are turned off, while you call the two of you a cab. See? It is possible to sleep with someone and not catch any feelings, it can be strictly physical. You and Jungkook are proof of it. And now you and Yoongi are another proof of it. And you don't care what anyone else has to say about it.
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ghosts-cyphera · 6 months
Note
Thank you for feeding us with fluffy pornstar! Ghost.
Every other account that I see doing a pornstar au they kinda make him a asshole. Like this man isn’t just a cold heartless dude, when even seen in the game he does show compassion he just might not be the best at showing it lol. In the comics, he is a sweetheart to the ones he cares about but can easily become protective over them if necessary. He’s also just a private person and needs some help with showing and expressing his emotions and feelings (I still love him tho). In my head he’s just a big teddy bear that I would love to cuddle with.
I just need more fluffy and smutty ghost lol
Have a great day 🩷🩷🩷
aw heyhihello, thank you so much! I’m so happy and flattered that you’ve enjoyed my version of him. 💕
I think ghost’s character is a really tricky one. in general, when writing ghost, I personally always lean towards the more cocky and confident ghost, who is using that touch of confidence as a facade to hide the fact that he sucks at letting people close, and sucks at discussing his feelings and thoughts and emotions in fear of losing those he cares about.
to me, ghost as a general character is someone who feels so much, continuously. when he loves, he loves with every fiber of his body. when he considers you a friend, he will do anything it takes for him to keep you safe. he just doesn't really know how to show all that love, or what to do with it.
that being said !! based on this general idea that I have of him as a character, what comes to pornstar!ghost, I think we’ll be seeing a lot of similarities in the way that he struggles with recognizing his feelings for the reader, and especially with discussing them to any capacity.
pornstar!ghost could literally be grinning like an idiot, his tummy full of butterflies from simply seeing that the two of you are scheduled to film together, and he’ll just think that he really enjoys his job, lmao. he does, of course, but… come on, ghost.
I think pornstar!ghost’s love languages for expressing his love for the reader will be mainly consisting of gift giving and acts of service, and what comes to him experiencing love from the reader (again, not that he realizes it) is by quality time and physical touch.
I think that’s one difference between canon ghost and pornstar!ghost: while I see canon ghost as someone who keeps a lot to himself, what comes to ps!ghost, he is constantly seeking for some level of physical touch, whether it’s his fingertips softly brushing against yours, his cock fucking in and out of you, or his lips pressing a kiss on your forehead or the back of your hand.
he’ll constantly seek for your company, too: dropping on set when you’re filming, taking you out for lunch after you’ve finished a rougher scene together, or hanging out with you when you’re getting your hair and makeup done before filming. just because being around you makes him feel warm, and grounded. happy.
“she’s just my favorite costar.”
uh-huh, ghost. sure she is.
anyhow, lmao! sorry for the sudden character study, and again, thank you for your ask! I adore you, and hope you’ll have a wonderful week. 💕
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hecates-corner · 1 month
Text
When I first heard There Are Other Ways, I was a little disappointed by the fact that Circe didn’t successfully seduce Odysseus, considering the huge Greek Mythology nerd I am.
Bear with me.
Then, I played the saga, and that song, for my wonderful mother tonight. About halfway through, I gasped.
The story is accurate to the Homeric version: he confronts her (clandestinely at first), she fights back, he pulls the sword.
But she’s not afraid. Of course she isn’t.
Why would an immortal being, with the rage and power of commanding a million different beasts if her Plan A goes down, be afraid of a measly man with a flimsy toothpick to her throat, just because he ate a flower and said “Be afraid!”?
That’s right! She wouldn’t.
Because Jay didn’t submit to the blatant misogyny of the tale.
Read this article for incredible information, if you please. It changed the way I saw Circe’s story.
If Circe cowered, simply because a man held a sword to her throat, only then would she have seduced him (if we’re going ultra-canon with the storyline, which Jay isn’t), which would have, yet again, thrown off the balance of power.
Circe could give less of a shit about the sword, in the song. She thinks he’s pretty hot, and maybe she’s manipulating him into coming to bed with her so she can trick him, so she offers a tryst or two. Here, if you read the article, she is throwing off the nature of men and women by being the active sexual partner.
He refuses, too enamored with Penelope, and shuns his curiosity in her. You can hear how it pains him, it’s a struggle to say no. But he does. He’s strong, he’s no god, cheating on his wife for the sake of sex appeal. He’s just a man.
He begs. That’s the thing that got me. Not her, him.
“So I beg you, Circe, grant us mercy, and let us puppets leave~”
Then, Circe offers to help him — not because she’s restoring the nature of being submissive — but because she has empathy and compassion for the man. She helps him because he’s proved himself, to be weary, and faithful, and human. She knows the feeling of love.
So, yes. So many layers. Like an onion, worthy of making you cry.
1. Jay is spitting in the face of misogyny and gender roles, and having her help him because she empathizes. Because she’s in power.
2. It’s sort of a jab, if interpreted a certain way, at sexual assault. He says no, and he holds true to it. Even though everything is telling him to give in, to let it happen, he refuses, and remains as sure as he can be.
3. It shows how very human Odysseus is. Athena forgot it, and somehow held him to it. Even the men forget it. But he never does. There is only so much he can do.
This is my favorite saga so far.
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vanwritesfan-fiction · 4 months
Text
Common Ground
Based on this wonderful anon request
Warnings: language, angst, bad family dynamics, favoritism Trigger Warning ⚠️: Toxic Family Dynamics
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"Ok, I need your opinion", Jack held up two sweaters from their hangers, "gray or green?" You bit your bottom lip, contemplating the choices for a second. "Green. My mom's favorite color is green, she'll appreciate the gesture." Jack chuckled to himself before disappearing back into the closet. "Green it is."
You and Jack were headed to your family's house for Thanksgiving, and while he was excited to meet the people who brought the love of his life into the world, you were a nervous wreck. Your relationship with your family was complicated to say the least. You were already dressed and ready to go, had been for the last two hours from nerves, just waiting at Jack's apartment for him to get back from the studio.
Jack emerged from his closet, dressed in the green cashmere sweater you had chosen for him with a pair of jeans and matching New Balance sneakers. "Does this look alright?", he pulled at his sweater nervously. You stood, holding his hands in yours, interlacing your fingers together. "You look really good, babe." You leaned in to give him a quick peck, and when you tried to pull away, Jack pulled you tightly into his arms.
"How are you doing? We don't have to go if you don't want to. We can order some food, watch a movie, do other things", his voice trailed off suggestively. You felt your stomach flip. You loved your family more than anything, but you knew this night could go sideways, and his offer sounded very tempting. His gaze tracked your face as you avoided eye contact with him. "I'm fine, Jack. Really. Its my family. If anything you should be worried." You booped his nose with your finger, trying to deflect. "I'm serious babe, I know being with your family isn't easy."
In the very little that you had told Jack about your family, he knew that you had a difficult relationship with your parents and sister. You were the oldest, seven years older than your little sister, and it felt like you got the short end of the stick growing up. You were the child your parents learned to be a parent with, the trial and error kid, and a lot of their mistakes left you with irreparable trauma. Nothing you did was ever good enough, and your mistakes were magnified to the point where you felt like you couldn't do anything right.
You could almost forgive them for their faults, but seeing your sister get to live the life you begged for growing up, hurt more than anything. It was as if they saved all of their love and compassion for her, all of her faults were easily forgivable, her successes given the attention yours never got. They coddled her, and for better or worse, her life was proof that they could have done better, they just didn't think you were worth the effort.
Still, they were your family, the only people you had to lean on, and you weren't going to turn your back on them. The little girl in you would always need their validation and love.
"They're just hard on me because they want want the best for me. They push me because they care, Jack. I wouldn't be where I am without them." You swallowed, giving Jack a weak smile. You weren't sure if you believed your own words. It was hard to believe that the people you loved so much would say things to hurt you, but your tears night after night suggested otherwise.
"But if you wanna go, we leave immediately, okay?" You nodded, Jack pressing a kiss onto your temple.
****
"Give me the rundown again." Jack looked over at you from the driver's seat, one hand on the wheel, the other rested on your leg. You were nervously peeling at your nails, trying to take deep breaths. The closer you got your childhood home, the more anxious you felt, like your throat was closing. Jack noticed immediately, giving your thigh a couple loving squeezes to bring you back to reality. The look you gave him, tears brimming in your eyes, gave him pause.
"We're turning around." Jack mumbled out while he looked around to find a place to make a u-turn. "Jack, no, please. My parents are expecting us. Its just been a while since I've seen them, and its the first time they're meeting you, I'm just nervous." You quickly dabbed under your eyes to collect any tears. You hadn't purposely distanced yourself from your family, but lately you felt like a fantom weight was lifted off of you when you had your space.
"Baby..." Jack's words trailed off as he looked at you, his face riddled with worry, his hand cradling the back of your head. "The rundown." You picked up where he left off, smiling at him, feeling your eyes start to burn as tears threatened to fall again. You took in a shaky breath.
"You already know my parents name, David and Maria. They had their own business when I was growing up, a shipping company here in Louisville. I spent a lot of afternoons after school helping them out. Now my dad is retired and my mom works as an accountant. My sister's name is Teresa, she's a senior in high school, about to go to college at Kentucky." Jack groaned at that last sentence.
"Ugh, I don't like her already." He said in jest, referring to his loyalty to Louisville, making you chuckle. "Keep going." He rubbed your forearm affectionately, his eyes focused on the road.
"My dad is a die hard Saints fan, which I know you'll appreciate. Something that you guys can talk about." Jack nodded, taking everything in. "My mom loves old movies. She'll talk your ear off about them. My little sister is an incredibly talented singer. The voice of an angel."
Jack couldn't help but smile as he listened to you talk. Even after everything you'd been through, you had nothing but good things to say about your family. You made a conscious choice to focus on the positive, and he had no doubt you were stronger than you knew. You gave him a few more topics to have in his back pocket during dinner as you continued the drive.
****
"Welcome." Your mother greeted you at the door, her lack of enthusiasm palpable. She ignored you completely to give her attention to Jack. "Jack, welcome to our home. We're very happy to have you here. Y/N has told us almost nothing about you", she let out a humorless breath as she glanced at you, "but I'm sure we'll get acquainted during dinner." You felt a sharp pain in your side as if her dig at you had been a physical attack.
As you shed your jacket her eyes ran up and down your outfit. "Y/N, is that the best thing you could find to wear to dinner? You should see your sister's dress. We went out and picked it up last week. So cute." Jack noticed you physically shrink at her comment. "Its amazing how beautiful she can look in anything." Jack smiled at you, making you blush. He placed his hand on your lower back, drawing comforting circles with his fingers. You could see your mom's attitude shift negatively. "Where is Teresa?" You were quick to change the conversation, determined to have a good night. "She's in the dining room with your father. Dinner is almost ready."
Your mom led the two of you to the the dining room, where your dad and Teresa were placing the last dishes on the table. "Y/N!" Your little sister ran over to you, enveloping you in a big hug. "I've missed you." You mumbled in her hair, holding her tightly. "Daddy, Teresa, this is Jack." You turned to your boyfriend to introduce him to the other members of your family. "Jack, nice to meet you." Teresa quickly shook hands with him before Jack took your father's grip. "Sir."
"Lets eat. I'm sure Jack is hungry." Your mom encouraged everyone to sit down. Jack pulled your chair out for you, helping you to get settled before he took his own seat.
Everyone was quiet as they began to plate their food and eat. You caught Jack looking at you in the corner of your eye. His leg was jiggling up and down, something he did subconsciously when he was nervous. You were sure it was because he was meeting your parents for the first time, but truthfully Jack was nervous for you and how the night was going to unfold.
"So Jack, Y/N says you're in the music industry. What do you do?" Your father asked. Jack cleared his throat as he was passed a bowl of mashed potatoes. "I'm a rapper. I make rap music." He glanced at you with wide eyes, not sure what you had told them about him. "Oh, Teresa has such a wonderful voice. I always thought she should be a singer. Maybe you can give her a couple of pointers about the industry." Your mom edged Jack on, as if she was your sister's manager. "Mom. I'm sure Jack doesn't want to talk about work right now", Teresa cut in," Anyway, I'm more of a sing in the church choir kind of voice." You smiled at her, thankful for trying to turn the conversation back to you for a moment.
"Don't sell yourself so short Teresa. How did you meet Y/N, Jack? I don't know how you meet many celebrities working a dead-end office job." Your mom looked to Jack as if she had asked him the time, not insulted his girlfriend to his face. Jack's jaw flexed, and you could see the vein in his neck start to bulge. "A mutual friend, actually. One that works that same dead end job." You snapped your head toward him, pleading with your eyes for him to behave. He knew he probably wasn't going to get many opportunities to get a few jabs in before you stopped him, but it was dangling right in front of him.
"Its just a temp job anyway. I'm working to try to get back to school. Jack's actually been helping me with my applications." The spoon of stuffing hit your plate harder than you intended, making everyone jump.
The room was quiet for a minute, and you thought you were past that awkward conversation. "If you would have stayed in school a couple of years ago, you probably could have been in a much better position by now." Your dad stabbed his fork in the air, his face in a scowl. "All that money down the drain." He gritted out between clenched teeth.
You felt the lump build in your throat. You had left college a couple of years ago when you were on the verge of a mental breakdown and your grades were suffering severely. Jack knew all about your struggles, it was actually one of the things you had bonded over when you had started dating. College was never in the cards for him either, and he knew all about the pressures to succeed. He was on your side, and when you told him you wanted to go back to school, he promised to help you however he could, even offering to pay for tuition.
"Y/N tells me you're thinking about going to Kentucky, Teresa?" Jack quickly pivoted the attention away from you so you could breathe. "Yeah, I want to major in Biology. Not sure if I want to after that, but I've always loved science."
"I'm a Louisville fan, and I think I finally converted Y/N over to the Cardinals. If you give me 20 minutes, I think I could get you to switch schools." Jack and Teresa chuckled. "Y/N liking football, how did you manage to do that?", your sister asked. "Well, he had to take me to quite a few games before I was-"
"We're just so proud of Teresa and all that she's accomplished so far." Your mom cut you off mid sentence, avoiding eye contact with you. "Kentucky is such a great school."
Jack balled his fist up under the table. The way your parents treated you was so much worse than he could have imagined. He had problems with his own family, he didn't know a person who didn't, but the way they deliberately disrespected you made his skin crawl. You could feel the anger radiating off of Jack's body. It wasn't easy for him to conceal his emotions, especially rage. You grabbed his hand and gently helped him unclench his fingers.
The rest of the dinner was eerily quiet, the only sound the clink of silverware against plates. You finished your courses, opting to skip dessert, your excuse the traffic you would have to hit if you didn't leave before rush hour.
Jack helped you slip your jacket over your shoulders as the two of you got read to leave. "It was very nice to meet you, Jack." Teresa gave the two of you a hug before stepping back, clinging onto your arm. "Nice to meet you too. Don't forget, Louisville is still an option." Teresa gave him a huge grin, promising to get his contact information from you if she ever changed her mind.
"Sir, Mrs. Y/L/N. Thank you very much for dinner." Jack shook hands with your father once more. "Thank you Jack. We'd say you're welcome to come back next year, but none of Y/N's boyfriends have made it that long." You almost bowed over as you felt that stab in your stomach again. Jack could feel the heat creeping up his neck, his back tensing up.
"Its not for the reason you think." The words spilled out of Jack's mouth before he could stop them.
"I'm sorry? What do you mean?" Your mom's face contorted at Jack's words. He took a deep breath, knowing there was no going back now. You would probably hate him for it, but he couldn't stand to hear you get torn down like this.
"From the moment we've walked in the door, I haven't heard you say one nice thing about Y/N." You pulled at Jack's arm. "Jack, please, stop."
"And she is the nicest person. Incredibly kind and loving, and I always thought, man she must have the most amazing parents to have raised a daughter like her. Now I know, she's that way in spite of you." You couldn't stand to hear another word. You walked out the door, leaving Jack in the entryway. Your chest was burning with anger as you leaned against the car door.
"It was never my intention to insult you, but damn, she deserves so much better than this." Jack left the door open as he hurried after you.
"Jack!", he stopped in his tracks when Teresa called after him, turning on his heels to face her. "You're right. My sister is an amazing person. I'm sorry that you had to see that tonight. My parents- they", she stumbled over her words, "when they look at Y/N, they're reminded of all the ways they failed her, things that are too far gone now to change. Thank you for seeing her for the beautiful person that she is." She gave Jack a small hug before running back inside.
****
The car ride back to Jack's place was silent, the air stifling. Jack didn't want to be the first one to speak, afraid you would blow up at him, and he rightfully deserved it. He white knuckled the steering wheel, his looks split between the road and you, to gauge how upset you were. You were tightlipped, your gaze focused on the horizon, your grip on your seatbelt cutting into your skin.
Jack trailed behind you back into his apartment. You dropped your coat and took off your shoes at the door, heading directly to his bedroom. "Baby, let's talk. I'm sorry, I never should have said those things to your parents." You didn't answer him, instead laying on the bed, your back turned to him. You felt his weight dip into the mattress as he sat next to you, his hand resting on your hip. "I understand why you're mad at me. I just couldn't stand to hear them talk about you like that anymore." He held his breath waiting for his response.
The sob you let out startled him. "What did I do wrong?" You choked back tears, frantically trying to wipe your face to no avail. "Why do they hate me so much?" You couldn't stop crying out, tightening your hold on the pillow against your chest. Jack gently laid next to you, pulling the pillow out of your arms so he could pull you close to his chest.
You cried harder as he held you, an overflow of the frustration and sadness you'd been feeling in anticipation of the night, something you could no longer hold back. His shirt was soaked, but he didn't care. His only thought was being here for you right now. He waited until he thought you were done crying to speak again. "Talk to me baby", he nestled his nose in your hair.
"I just wish that they were proud of me. That something I did mattered to them as much as it does when my sister does it. Why don't they ever choose me? I feel like no one is ever on my side." Jack's heart broke as he listened to you. "I feel like nothing I ever do will be good enough to earn their love." Tears were starting to fall all over again.
"I know I'm not your parents, but its their loss. If they can't see how amazing you are, that's their fault, not yours. One day, they're gonna wish they had cherished you while you were around." Jack could feel your chest rise and fall against his body. "I love you. I choose you, every time. You matter to me more than anything else in the world."
You knew he was right, but your heart still felt broken beyond repair. There were just some things that only time could fix. Jack pulled you closer, your weight laying on top of him, his hand rubbing up and down your back. Your eyelids felt heavy as you listened to his heartbeat against your cheek as your head rested on your chest. You didn't even realize you had fallen asleep until Jack was trying to wake you up.
****
His hand was cold against your cheek as your eyes slowly fluttered open. "Are you up for a surprise?" He whispered as you started to become fully awake. He gave you a moment before grabbing your hand and walking you to the living room.
"Happy Thanksgiving!" You were startled by the cheers of people in the room, noticing that Urban, Clay and a bunch of your mutual friends were standing in the living room, yelling and clapping. You also noticed the impressive spread of KFC buckets on the coffee table. "You deserve a do-over Thanksgiving with your chosen family and a Kentucky delicacy." You chuckled as Jack pulled you in for a kiss, earning boos from the room. "Gross!", Urban yelled out. "Stop kissing, I need to eat!" Clay joined in, earning a hard slap on the arm from Jack. You giggled, hiding your face in embarrassment as you greeted your friends, overwhelmed by how quickly Jack was able to put this together.
Once everyone had their share of the food, Jack stood, clapping his hands together to get everyone's attention.
"Alright, I just want to say, thank you to everyone in this room. I learned something tonight. You can't choose your family, but you can choose who you love and who you allow to love you back. To my beautiful girlfriend, thank you for choosing me to love you. It has been the greatest honor of my life." You blew him a kiss, a smile creeping on your face.
"Thank you to everyone who helped me put this Friendsgiving together very fast. Even though the banner could use some work." Everyone's eyes moved to the makeshift white printer paper banner taped to the wall that read "Happy Thanksgiving."
"Hey! I was working with limited materials, and as I reminded you today, I am a photographer, not an artist." Urban was quick to defend himself to laughter in the room. "It's perfect, Urban." You chimed in, winking at him.
"Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Never forget how loved and cherished you are." Jack rose his glass of water, everyone following suit. "Cheers."
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aq2003 · 4 months
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really love how throughout a lot of smith and jones martha is really skeptical and apprehensive towards ten (+ one of my favorite exchanges between them - "what, people call you 'the doctor'?" "yeah?" "well, i'm not. far as i'm concerned, you've got to earn that title."), not taking everything he says at face value, even doubting the fact he's an alien until over halfway through the episode.. And like. i really truly think the thing that wins her over isn't him kissing her or any of the other insane mixed messages he manages to send, it's this scene here, where he /earns that title/ in her eyes:
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(+ david's bit in the commentary, where he says: "[the doctor] has actually sacrificed himself, and - i would say, that that final act of selflessness is what finally, eventually, welds martha to him. [...] and she now returns it. she returns that act of selflessness.")
this is what their relationship is built on. it isn't about martha being the second-best replacement to rose or a rebound or whatever. bc it isn't really about rose. it's about doctor-in-training martha meeting someone (quite literally, "the doctor") whose ideals she aspires to, and doing her best to be the same person to him as he is to everyone else. it's about ten in return admiring her intelligence and inquisitiveness and how she cares for human life, recovering his compassion, letting himself lean on her for support - and then remembering at the most inopportune moments that he's supposed to not need anyone and be on his own forever. And around in their little nightmare loop they go where they save each other over and over until one of them breaks
i've seen ppl look at martha and go "why she does she admire/why is she so in love with ten if he acts like that to her?" or something along those lines and like. it's not just the fact she's in love with him (in fact i'd argue she actively tries to push it aside post-gridlock). it's the fact that she knows he's the kind of person to put everyone else's lives/well-being over his own. she trusts him to save her when she's in trouble even though it's been like two days at most that they've known one another bc she recognizes that same "deep all-encompassing drive to help others" in him. and she also recognizes, much much earlier than him, that he needs someone to save him, especially when he's unwilling to save himself. and yeah for a bit she thinks he returns her feelings and is just playing hard-to-get, but she realizes pretty early on that this probably isn't the case, and i think that realization fully solidifies here:
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(this is when she's listening to ten talk abt gallifrey). And idk it might just be me but i think this expression isn't just her empathizing with his loss. it's also guilt, for wanting something from him that he's clearly unable to give when he's wracked with so much grief. (and you see it in the next episode, where tallulah asks if they're together and martha says for certain that they're not, and that he doesn't know about her feelings for him. she keeps everything to herself bc she now knows that when he shut her flirting down at the end of 3x01 it was the genuine reaction of someone who a) isn't interested and b) is scared of getting close with someone else again)
freema described their dynamic as "she's keener than him" and i think about this all the time. martha doesn't really take what ten throws at her. what she does instead is constantly poke holes in his already-failing front of "i will show someone the wonders of the universe so i can ignore what is wrong with me". what she does is stand up and fight him when he tries to go off on his own. what she does is put aside her well-being in favor of helping someone - just like what she saw him do for the people in the hospital when they first met. tldr, that's the doctor and his doctor and rip martha you would've loved who's gonna save u now by rina sawayama
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kidrauhlschik · 6 months
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SKZ Rejecting You as Their Soulmate
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SKZ Masterlist
Warnings: implied sh, insecurities, angst, lmk if I should add more!
~
Bang Chan
He was always too rational for that kind of thing.
“How can the world decide who I can or can’t love?” Is a question he would always ask himself. He kept seeing their friends turn 21 and find “the one”, which he always thought it was bullshit.
How can the world carry that much weight and magic? He wasn’t buying it.
It wasn’t until his 21st birthday, that a tattoo presented itself on his arm.
It started off small. It was a music note that he didn’t mind the presence of. He rolled his eyes when he woke up with the mark but didn’t think much of it.
“At least it’s not a rose or a compass.” He mumbled to himself as he went on with his life.
It wasn’t until the tattoos kept on coming, that he started getting annoyed.
The next tattoo was a bat on his sternum.
“Why a bat? That’s so stupid.” He told Lee Know as his friend cuddled up with his partner. Both with many tattoos, all which mirrored each other.
The next one was a dog portrait. He wondered if it was a portrait of your own dog.
He thought of you as selfish. What if he wanted to get tattoos? At this pace, you would cover his skin and your own within the next ten years. He decided that he didn’t like his soulmate at all.
The next tattoo was a semicolon.
He frowned at that. A strange ache in his chest bothered him. Why did he feel that way?
The tattoo after that made him sick to his stomach.
He woke up one day to a Medusa tattoo on his thigh.
He couldn’t fully comprehend his emotions, but at this point the tattoos you were getting told him about who you were as a person.
You like animals, music, and you’ve suffered in way he wished he didn’t know about.
That’s when he decided to get his first tattoo.
He decided to get one on his spine. He wanted to make sure to get one there before you did.
He pondered for a long time as to what he wanted to get, before coming to a decision.
A detailed Japanese dragon tattoo decorated your back on one Sunday afternoon. It was well made. The tattoo made you feel connected to your soulmate. He finally got a tattoo in return! It the first time you felt connected to someone you had never met.
One day, in the Sydnee beach, you had been with your friends.
You were laying on your stomach and coincidentally the perfect stranger walked by at the perfect time.
The colors on your back were hard to miss.
It was harder to ignore that the tattoo running down your spine mirrored his own.
He stopped in his tracks and stared at you, which cause your friends to freak out a little.
When you turned to face the stranger, your eyes immediately went to the Medusa tattoo on his thigh, then you saw the semicolon on his wrist, and then the bat on his sternum.
The two of you stared at each other for what felt like forever, before you broke the silence first.
“So, what does the dragon mean to you?”
Lee Know
He never believed in love.
If his own parents couldn’t love him, how can he expect a stranger to give their heart to him?
It all seemed like bullshit to him when his teachers explained that one day he would hear your voice in his head.
“I don’t know but it sounds like schizophrenia to me.” Is why he would tell his friends.
Even after his friends met their significant others, he would not buy a word they would say to him.
Even when your voiced popped up inside his head for the first time, he simply told himself that he was being delusional.
You always had the dumbest thoughts.
“Wait what did I have to do today?”
“Fuck. Did I clean the cat litter?”
“Wait. Did I eat today?”
How could someone be so absent minded?
Your thoughts stressed him out. How can his “soulmate” be so different than him?
He knew that you were absent minded. However, eventually you got more cohesive.
“Why doesn’t he share his thoughts with me?”
“Is my soulmate dead?”
“If you’re out there, please respond.” He never responded.
He couldn’t help but to feel guilty, but he was doing you a favor. Right?
He finally regretted his decision three years later on a Saturday afternoon.
“I do.” Is all that went through your brain as he sat alone in the couch.
“If you’re out there. I wish I could have met you. Maybe we could have been something. This is the last thought I will ever ever share with you. So stranger… have a good life.”
Finally, he decided to share a piece of himself.
“Goodbye.”
Your soulmate rejected you.
The two of you never met.
Changbin
He was in love with someone else. Despite everyone warning him to avoid “love” until his 21st birthday, he fell in love with his Highschool sweetheart. He couldn’t imagine loving anyone more than he loved her.
So when all of the sudden, his gray world burst with color when he met the cashier at the new coffee shop shop in town, he would have preferred to go blind.
He loved someone else, and he hoped his life would remain the way that it already was.
He avoided your coffee shop as much as he could. However, the universe kept on forcing your paths to cross. Every time he made eye contact with you, the colors around him ran brighter.
Whenever he was able to avoid you enough, he began to miss you. The colors that were absent in his life became a drug to him.
It made him feel guilty.
As he would tell his girlfriend about his never ending love, all he could picture is your rosy cheeks. He would always think about the way your hair shined under the sun. His brain would always go back to you.
Luckily for him. You never looked for him either.
It wasn’t until his wedding day. He saw the day in black and white. He was used to the lack of color. Until the ending of his first dance with his wife, he looked up to the flashing camera. Between the flashes, he made eye contact with the photographer and for one last time, color brightened up his world.
The both of you gave each other a bittersweet smile. A silent good bye was exchanged, and that was the last time the two of you saw any color in your lives.
Hyunjin
When he finally met his soulmate, he didn’t feel a spark. He had always been a hopeless romantic. He expected to have his world spin around the second he met with his other half, so when he didn’t feel anything when his eyes met yours, everything seemed like a rouse.
He always admired the red string tied to his pinky. His paintings were inspired by the ever lasting love he would always hope for.
One day, the string tightened. He was at the club, and immediately sobered up.
You were there.
He was finally going to meet you.
So when he found the person at the other end of his string, he felt underwhelmed.
Was this it?
Was this the love of his life?
He expected more.
You were excited nevertheless, so he felt guilty when he would reject your approaches.
One day, you knocked on his door. He knew it was you on the other side, yet, he didn’t want to open the door. Until he heard your cries.
“Hyunjin. I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you wanted me to be. You may not feel much for me, but I love you. So if it would make you happier for me to disappear… I just want to make you happy.” With no thoughts in mind, he threw the doors open and pulled your body against his.
He felt your pain. Even thought he didn’t feel a spark, he felt your pain. The pain was raw. It was as if someone had clawed his way to his heart.
He was going to make it work.
He would love you in the same way that you loved him.
Even if he couldn’t feel the love, he knew that the pain was real. He would try his best to learn how to be your soulmate.
Han
He was scared that you would hurt him, the same way he was scared that he would hurt you.
He could hear the music you played on your 21st birthday. You were listening to “How to Save a Life” by The Fray. Which made him assume that you weren’t partying.
That’s what most of your playlists consisted of. Sad songs. Were you trying to send a message?
That made him even more scared.
The both of you were broken souls. How is he supposed to fix someone when he is shattered to pieces himself?
He knew you could hear his music. The both of you were always on the depressing music vibe. To him, it seemed that a tornado and a hurricane were waiting to meet each other. He was terrified.
He was in the train one day and someone was playing music out loud. That kind of thing always annoyed him, but today, he could hear an echo over the speaker.
You were in the train as well.
You could tell that he was there too.
The second the both of you made eye contact, the breath got knocked out of your lungs.
Maybe the both of you could be a sad song together.
Maybe the pain the both of you shared could be made into something more.
Felix
You were his best friend. Since the two of you were five, you both shared your hopes and dreams of meeting your soulmates one day. You guys wanted to have cookouts, or game nights, and you both dreamed of making a big friend group.
You wanted your kids to be friends.
Neither of you ever expected to wake up one day and have the same scars.
It felt violating at first.
He knew of the big scar on your leg from when you jumped out of the trampoline. Now he had the same scar.
You knew of the scar on his hand from climbing a tree when you two were twelve. Now you had the same one.
Then he saw the new scars on his thighs. His legs were littered with fresh scars. You felt shame, and he felt guilt. How did he never realize that his friend was suffering?
You did everything you could to avoid him.
The both of you knew that you were soulmates, but that was a boundary that neither of you ever wanted to cross.
He would call you everyday, and every time, his calls would go to voice mail.
Felix was never supposed to know that side of you.
So when the chance to leave for college came around, you enrolled to the one furthest away.
He hated himself for never seeing your suffering.
You hated yourself for always keeping him in the dark.
You told yourself that you caused enough distrust for a life time. So you decided that a lifetime of punishment is what you deserved.
He didn’t reject you but you rejected your soulmate. Deciding that the damage you had done was enough.
Seungmin
His first soulmate passed away and he didn’t want to replace her.
He only had one love. She was everything to him.
So when her name disappeared off of his wrist and yours replace it, he wanted to die.
How can the world be so cruel? His girlfriend took his heart when she passed. Why is the universe trying to force him to be with someone else?
When he saw your name, he only felt resentment.
There were do many people in the world. Why him?
You weren’t his soulmate. You’re a place holder, and you could never replace the true love of his life.
He would prefer to die alone over looking for you.
Unfortunately, if you reject your soulmate, they would pass away.
But at this point, he doesn’t care.
Why should you get to live, while the love of his life got taken away from him? Call him selfish, but he no longer has any care for anyone.
When your name slowly faded from his wrist, he felt a bit guilty. Yet, he couldn’t help but to see your name and feel anger. He hates you at no fault of your own.
He hates you because the world wanted to erase the love of his life from the universe and he simply refused to let that happen.
He preferred to let you pass away over loving anyone more than he loved his first love.
I.N.
You weren’t who he wanted you to be.
Since he knew what soulmates were, he always had a vision of who he wanted you to be.
So when he felt his hand freeze over when you touched him for the first time, he knew he had found his soulmate.
Much to his dismay.
He felt Minnesota weather as he sat in California.
He begged the universe to be lying to him. He couldn’t believe that you were his soulmate.
You weren’t the person he imagined. Nor were you the person he wanted.
You could sense his disdain as well.
As you would seek his warmth, he would avoid you like no other.
“Jeongin. We could die!” You tried to argue some sense into him as he ran from who was meant to be the love of his life.
You had no choice but the accept his choice.
The two of you had to live your life in eternal cold. Neither of you ever knowing the warmth of your soulmate.
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Love Triangle
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Bucky Barnes Masterlist | Steve Rogers Masterlist AnonymityIsFun Masterlist
i have an idea... a love triangle.
now, hear me out.
an actual love triangle. not the love corner disguised as a love triangle.
bucky loves you, you love steve, and steve loves bucky. imagine the angst. the pain.
after all, no one leaves a love triangle unscathed.
no one.
we'll start with bucky, self effacing, self sacrificing, noble, bucky barnes. he swore he loved you from the moment he saw you. the one and only person to welcome him to the compound after his stint in wakanda.
he remembers it perfectly. every detail of the moment he first laid eyes on you. but mostly, your smile. it was that damned smile. so warm. so genuine. from ear to ear, you greeted the both of them. you reached out a hand to him. it was so unexpected, he couldn't remember the last time someone voluntarily stood that close to him. he couldn't remember the last time he didn't see fear shining in a stranger's eyes. you reached out your hand to him, only for him to kiss the back of your hand. you blushed and a little chuckle bubbled from your lips, and he fell just a little more.
you showed him kindness he'd long forgotten. a warmth that almost thawed all his years as the winter soldier. you listened to him. held his hand as he told his story. how easily you slid past his walls. he loved you so much it hurt.
and that smile. that damned smile.
it didn't take very long for him to realize that smile wasn't for him.
he could pinpoint the exact moment he figured it out. a mission gone wrong. him and steve barely made it out with their lives. he limped off the quinjet with steve hobbling right behind him. the door slammed open and you skidded across the hangar. panic and tears welled in your eyes. that smile. that smile bloomed across your face at the sight of them. he smiled back. his heart warmed at the sight of someone actually caring about him.
bucky couldn't help but think that maybe this would all be worth it if you were always there to welcome him back.
you sprinted up the ramp. you and that smile blew right past him. right into steve's arms. bucky's heart broke as steve wrapped his arms around your waist. even more as you nestled your head against steve's chest, right over his beating heart. all he could hope was that you didn't hear the sound of his heart shattering.
he sees you walking past him in the compound and he wonders how he never noticed it. how after all this time watching you, pining for you, he never saw it. your eyes don't search for him, they search for steve. his heart beats for you. and still, your heart beats for steve. of course it does, why wouldn't it? steve is everything that bucky is and so much more. this only proves it.
you're friends. that much is true. but your eyes, your heart, that damned smile, it's all for steve. and there's nothing he can do about it.
he'd give you up in a hearbeat. bucky would hand over the dream of holding you in his arms. the hope that one day you would look at him like you look at steve. he would give it up to see you smile like that for the rest of your life. he would live his life on the outside looking in, watching steve live the life that bucky wanted. he could take another lifetime's worth of hurt if it meant that you would be happy.
and then there's steve, captain america himself, head held high, stoic and unflinching. a moral compass personified. the moment he came out of the ice, he pined for the man that he promised forever to, he longed for bucky.
until the end of the line, he promised.
and he meant it.
it was wrong, he knew. at first, he liked your company. it only dawned on him months into your friendship that you felt differently than he did. he wanted to tell you. he just didn't want to hurt you. he didn't want to lose you. he liked the way you looked at him like he hung the moon and the stars. he liked being loved.
he wanted to love you, desperately so. he told himself he just needed time. loving you would be so easy for him, all he needed was time to move on from his first love.
the moment he finds out bucky is alive, he knows how wrong it really is. because he'd do just about anything for bucky, even breaking your heart over and over again without a second thought.
no one could ever compare to the man he spent more than seventy years loving.
he fought his way back to bucky. fought through all the politics, war, all the time lost, back to bucky. foolish hope bloomed in his heart when bucky uttered those same words back to him, 'until the end of the line'.
for a short moment, steve thought it was the start of a love story for the ages.
it only took watching bucky watch you, to know that bucky didn't mean it.
not the way steve did.
he wasn't sure why he thought it would be any different. beneath the serum, steve was still that kid from brooklyn. the kid that bucky defended, protected. he was bucky's friend, but he was never truly his equal. bucky had never given him any reason to think that he was remotely interested in him. he never gave him so much as a second glance. not in the way he wanted. not then and most certainly, not now.
bucky had eyes for you and only you. of course. you were amazing, exactly the kind of woman that bucky deserved. exactly his type. more than steve would ever be.
why would bucky ever look in his direction when you were right there?
how could he take bucky's chance at the love that he deserved? bucky deserved that, as much as bucky believed he didn't. steve knew he deserved that and so much more. so he stood aside. tall and unflinching. and watched bucky love you the way that steve always wanted bucky to love him.
and you. you came much later into their decades long saga. you were his first real friend when he came out of the ice. it didn't take long for you to fall.
you knew your mission. help him, be there for him.
you tried to talk yourself out of it, to keep yourself from falling. you were just an agent. just a friendly face to him. he was captain america. you were the shield agent that followed him around like a lost puppy. he never made you feel like that, never treated you as anything but his equal.
there was something about the way steve looked at you.
there was something about steve rogers that you couldn't let go.
he made you feel almost worthy of his love.
perhaps it was the way steve would call you in the middle of the night when he lie away sleep evaded. you didn't mind it, not one bit.
perhaps it was the way steve always held out an arm for you to hold on walks through new york city. you liked listening to his stories, watching him point out the things that were still the same.
maybe it was his warmth. the warmth of his overheated skin that could warm you from the inside out on blistery days. the warmth that radiated from his skin when he would hold you in his arms, listening to the sound of his beating heart soothing you like the most comforting of lullabies. the warmth of his smile. the warm blue eyes that you wanted to fall into.
sometimes, you thought he could love you, too.
until bucky catapulted back into his life.
it happened so quickly. and still, you'd never forget the moment you realized he would never love you like he loved bucky.
'you're going to do something stupid, aren't you?' you asked him on your final call before he disappeared.
'i love him' steve whispered into the phone. it was the way the words fell from his lips. love. it wasn't the sort of love that you declared for your friend. it wasn't familial, platonic. it was an intensity he'd never felt for you. in that moment, you're sure he never will.
a breath lodged in your throat. your heart splintering. 'you love him?'
'until the end of the line.'
and still, you couldn't stop loving him. you loved him enough to become a fugitive for two years. enough to run by his side knowing that he would never want you. two years worth of pain isn't enough for you to learn your lesson and walk away. it's not enough to stop you from loving him either.
even after the dust settled, when steve returned with bucky barnes. none of it is enough for you to walk away from him. and steve rogers is far too love struck to notice the way you watch him.
you curse yourself, how foolish you were to think that steve ever loved you. that was not steve rogers in love. it's clear to you now. it's clear because watching him like this, you know what love actually looks like on steve rogers. he never had a fraction of that for you. he never looked at you like that.
he never loved you. not even a little bit.
there's a part of you that wants to hate bucky, but you can't. you can't because he's pretty incredible too.
you can see exactly why steve's spent seventy years loving him.
you'll take your pain and bear it with the bravest of faces because he's perfect for him. you'll swallow all the hurt, the broken pride, the bruised dignity, all to see steve finally at peace. after all the decades of suffering and pain, they deserve their happy ending.
you wonder if he knows. if either of them know.
you wonder if you'll ever escape this feeling.
you don't think you will.
none of you will.
As always, let me know what you think! Reblogs and comments are always appreciated! 💛
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I've been thinking about how Vash always seems to be hungry. Or at least, that he's shown eating quite often in the manga. Happily having his salmon sandwiches. Eating an entire box of donuts in the side car. Knowing the conversion rate of bullets to pizza. Seeing a flower and immediately wondering if it's edible. Pondering his life over breakfast. It's a really cute little character detail about him - he likes food.
But then I kind of started to think about the angel arm and its specific brand of destruction. How there were no bodies to be recovered. Nothing but a crater left of July, left on the Fifth Moon. It's all been incinerated. Devoured, even. Tristamp takes it even a step further and makes the power something akin to a black hole - a yawning drain; a constant destructive hunger.
Vash is clearly terrified of this potential for destruction, and for very good reason. But it's not separate from him as some kind of "power he can't control" - it's his arm. It's literally his arm. It is him. Vash is scared of himself, scared of losing control. He does what he can to repress it, even subconsciously (the gaps in his memory whenever it activates). He can't control it in the moment, so he takes steps to preemptively push it down, to avoid the use of his abilities entirely, to hide himself away.
I talked a bit in a previous post about how there are probably several interrelated reasons for Vash's chronically avoidant behaviour, but I'd like to throw one more into the ring and suggest that it's not just a matter of not deserving to want things, but maybe also that he's afraid of wanting. That if he allows himself to even think about what he wants personally that he'll want too much, take too much, and that the only cure in his mind for this is to give and give repeatedly.
I wonder how starved he is for love. Vash loves hard, after all. Once he loves (and I’m not talking about the broad, distant love/compassion he has in general), for better or worse, he carries them around with him forever, long after they've passed. Does he feel like it'd be selfish to admit this kind of want? His love isn't really a passive thing after all - it's the drive at his very core; a mournful inferno he is just barely suppressing. Does he remember how to love in a way that doesn't consume him entirely?
Is that part of the reason he checks out at signs of intimacy? Diverts gifts towards others? Tends to accept kind gestures only when under an assumed name? Intentionally starves himself in Tristamp? Runs and runs and runs? Is he afraid he won't be able to stop hungering? That allowing himself to want means his want will become insatiable?
I just have to wonder how much of his avoidance of connection is being scared that he will cause more destruction (to them? or to him?) by trying to take far too much into his hands than he ever caused by turning his back and running.
...of course I may just be entirely deranged here sorry.
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freizusein · 2 years
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You know what I love so much about Orym? How beautifully understated he is in everything. How quiet he is, how he always defers the lead and the final decision to others, and how, in the end, he is just... a man (halfling) with a sword and a shield. Inbetween this group of characters, Orym is - what many even expressed as criticism about his character - boring, too lawful, too... adherent to morals. As Ashton says, he is not the powder keg, he is the sane one; as FCG says, he is too nice of a guy, etc. He has a shield and a sword and he druidcrafts flowers for Dorian to encourage him (and *cough* express his love) and for Ashton to stop his bleeding and calm him down after the psychic session with Imogen and FCG. He doesn't have magic; he doesn't have telepathy or telekinesis and powers of healing; he can't teleport, he can't fly, he can't transform into another form to help himself (or others) out. He just has what he has learned and trained for since his childhood, and his resolute discipline in keeping up his physical strength and skills through daily training (which Liam integrates so pointedly into his roleplay of Orym).
But the more we see of him, the more it becomes obvious that this is what makes him so brilliant as a character: the simplicity and yet the complexity; the oh-so relatable doubts he harbours for himself, the absolute humanity in his moments of panic and weakness and how he isn't afraid to show when he is in pain and physically hurting; the even greater humanity in his mourning of Will and Derrig and in preserving their memory and honouring their sacrifice, but also the strength he takes from it; his awkwardness in certain social situations, his dry & rare humour - but when he has fun, when he smiles, it is as if the sun is rising; and the clarity he has concerning the group, the devotion to them, his friendship and trust and loyality, and yet, how he keeps them accountable; not just himself, but all of them around him - that they have to stand together, what they have to do, and how strong his moral compass is in steering them ahead through all those terrible things.
The more we witness, the more Orym overflows with his immense courage. He is this small protector, easily overlooked in a crowd, who subjects his life in the service of all those he loves, and with this, he isn't small, he stands so tall with his fortitude. He baits and he goads death and stares in its face unflinching. He attacked Otohan Thull - with nothing but his sword and shield and skill - and drew her ire without batting an eye, and now he got a massive scar straight across his sternum for it; he actually died for it, and we know Orym - we know he'd do it again at once if it would mean saving his friends or even just getting his friends some more time to save themselves. The more we see of his actions, the more the others turn and even seek out Orym for leadership and guidance in moments of turmoil even if he says, again and again, that he isn't a leader. And Orym, in turn, encourages the group around him, in particular their individual strengths, supports them and in everything he does, he gives, he gives, he gives, and he gives, above all, his wonderful kindness and his undiluted, unapologetic love.
And this is everything but boring to me.
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simonsdoll · 1 year
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Hey dear!!
I hope you're doing well! I'm quite new here and I've read a few of your headcanons and they're so goodddd!!
I do have a request in my mind tho (if you're willing to write it, if not you can ignore this ofcourse) Can you possibly write something about opposites attracts with Ghost + f!reader?
Thank you so much and have a wonderful day!!
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POLAR OPPOSITES
Thanks anon for the request! I didn’t know if you wanted headcanons or a short story so i gave you both.Hope you enjoy!
Pairing: Ghost x fem reader
Warnings:Slight angst with mostly fluff
Disclaimer: Story with Headcanons
A/N:Sorry anon if I went to dark in the intro but the rest is fluff. Sorry it took a while, I got shadowbanned and I just got my blog back:)hope you like it!
(Story):
Ghost was a man of few words and only spoke when absolutely necessary. He never really wanted anyone to talk to nor to be with at all. His demeanor was rather dark and intimidating. Always a cold and silent person. Would never change the way he was for anyone. No matter how hard someone tries to get him to open up or to just get over it and just be like them, he wouldn’t. There is no lying when people call him a ghost. There’s nothing there behind that mask and he believes there never will. He thinks to himself often that if he changed his demeanor what would happen to him. Will good things come? Will someone be there for him when he most needs it? Will he find the person he would at any circumstance take a bullet for? He never knows but he promised himself he would give it a chance for once. He needed an escape from his torturous reality and to escape this never ending fear of consolation. He needed someone to feel empathy for him and endless amounts of compassion. He found you and he gave you a chance……
You were such a sweet soul with so much to give to the world. You were super bubbly and very much a kind person at heart. Talkative and a very outgoing person. Known to be very optimistic and compassionate for others. No matter how mean people could be to you or how bad they shatter your heart, there will always be something in you that will keep moving forward and keep being the same sweet,warm and amiable person no matter what. The team loves you and they always have a special place for you in their hearts. They loved the way you were with others and how amazing and talkative you were with others. They loved how charismatic you were during the bad and dark times. They were grateful to have you and they couldn’t put into words how much your presence alone could make people happy and optimistic during unfortunate events. There was one person in your mind that you just couldn’t get to. You knew he needed help and someone to lean on during unpleasant times. You never gave up on him no matter the times he yelled at you,the number of times he left you wondering where he was or the number of times he cried in your arms. You would do anything to see him smile and to feel any sense of joy in his heart. You never gave up on him and you gave him a very much needed chance…..
(Headcanons):
- He never thought he would be eating his lunch with cat shaped apple slices and flower shaped sandwiches
- Once came to work with pink plastic containers and pink silverware and almost beat the shit out of Soap for laughing at him
- Hates talking to literally any human but when it’s you he can listen to you talk about endless things for hours
- Does not accept sass from anyone unless it’s you because he knows that’s how you are with everyone
- You always leave heart shaped sticky notes of positive affirmations everywhere around his office and room. Price once found one and just looked at it and proudly smiled knowing he was getting positive words from you
- Won’t even pretend to laugh at your terrible jokes and if they are funny he will remember them to make him smile when he misses you
- He is super giggly once you get close to him. Laughs at the tiniest little things you do even if you don’t understand why he finds it funny
- Won’t admit it but he loves it when you play Lady Gaga music in the car. In his mind he is full on at a Lady Gaga concert screaming his lungs out while dancing
- When you talk too much or just start ranting about something funny ; he would stare at you with the most deadpan face ever and just kiss you long and passionate to get you to shut up
- He once wore his pink Hello Kitty socks you bought him to work once and Soap and Gaz caught him taking them off after a long day of work and they all looked at each other flabbergasted. Ghost threatened them that if they would ever say a word that he would walk into their bedrooms and beat the shit out of them while they peacefully sleep. They were both so deathly terrified that they didn’t talk to Ghost for weeks
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REQUESTS ARE OPEN
Check Masterlist for more
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Everlark (Mockingjay, Ch. 20-21)
(there's so much chapter 21 about the old peeta resurfacing and it feels like a reward for suffering through what this book has made me suffer through so far)
i take bogg's telling katniss to kill peeta as him just saying "do whatever you have to do to get the job done"
katniss being like um surely he doesn't think i can just kill peeta? like surely not. and then her literally being like i'm just gonna do the first two things he said and ignore the third
finnick putting on and adjusting peeta's mask while he's unconscious. the fact that katniss notes this. i cry
peeta realising he's killed mitchell hurts a lot. the capitol really turned him into something he's not. and he's fighting it so hard still
the compassion the other members of the star squad show peeta is actually very heart-warming, they're so understanding. finnick looking after him. holmes automatically going to carry an unconscious peeta so they can start moving again without being asked to. finnick reassuring him; actually everything finnick does. them refusing to leave him behind even though he is an actual threat to them
katniss thinking of the hanging tree while contemplating peeta's request that they kill him. the fact that she realises it might even be the more compassionate thing to do at this stage to give him nightlock. but the same way he says he can't let her take it at the end of the book, she can't do it here
"i feel the arena all around me... once again i'm battling not only for my own survival but peeta's as well"
i personally don't think katniss could have ever killed him. there's just no chance. when his survival is so intricately linked to her own. they're a package deal. and they fight so hard to keep each other alive.
peeta holding out the can of lamb stew to katniss. so mad we didn't get so many important moments from this book in the movies. they did a terrible job of showing the moments where peeta was coming back to himself. all his comments to the others, this moment
"the memories of rain dripping through stones, my inept attempts at flirting and the aroma of my favourite capitol dish in the chilly air. so some part of it must still be in his head too. how happy, how hungry, how close we were when that picnic basket arrived outside our cave."
OUR cave. like it was their first little home. first little intimate space just for them.
the fact that she paints this time in their cave as romantic and sentimental and picturesque. she's romanticising tf out of it. like she was in a death arena but in that moment, she was happy and close to him and that mattered so much to her
her hope at him returning to himself dripping off the page. that he remembers this.
(an aside: katniss being snarky about snow's puffy lips and saying his prep team need to be lighter with his blush is sooo funny)
in my catching fire summaries, i noted that katniss's desire to save peeta is actually a very selfish one. she's saving him for herself. because she wants him so badly to live. she wants him to be able to live more than herself. and the thought of him living while she doesn't is a personally comforting/happy thought for her. yes he deserves to live and he's a wonderful person but she's doing a lot of the saving of him for herself. because she NEEDS him to live. so her line here is interesting: "if it's true, it would be kindest to kill peeta here and now. but for better or worse, i am not motivated by kindness." - i think this is her essentially confirming what i believe or have gathered so far from what she tells us. saving peeta is not her showing him some great kindness. it's for her. she can't let him die for her own personal need and reasons. (and this isn't me criticising her, i don't think her reasons for saving him are selfish in a bad immoral way. just that she is a teenage girl in love with a boy and she desperately can't let him go)
she does the whole 'am i saving him because i care for him or because i don't want snow to win' but like it's been clear why she's been saving him thus far and continues to
"why can't i just let him go?" because you love and need him sweetheart. and you literally would not be able to live without him
and it's funny that despite all the emotion behind her reasoning, she comes out bluntly and says: so are you coming yourself or do we have to knock you out
"i slip it into my pants pocket, where it clicks against the pearl"
ugh. the key that keeps him restrained is now with katniss. her taking control of that part. the fact that it clicks with the pearl, reminding her of her boy with the bread who gave her this pearl that she's inseparable from. reminding her of exactly why she can't let him go, let him die.
peeta's comment to pollux when no one else can think of anything to say!! why didn't they include these things in the movies? auihfuaedhfufkeadh
the fact that his words are able to make castor laugh and pollux smile. he is so charming, so good-hearted, so good with people. and it's coming back. the boy with the bread is there, behind all that fog. he's there.
and again, katniss's hope at realising this. her glancing back at him. i can feel her emotions even though she's not always forthcoming with them
her wishing she could read his mind and go inside it to help him. settling on making sure he's eaten. taking away the lid so he can't hurt himself.
him saying mockingjays need wings to survive kinda feels like flirting/charm idk
"slowly, as i would with a wounded animal, my hand stretches out and brushes a wave of hair from his forehead. he freezes at my touch, but doesn't recoil. so i continue to gently smooth back his hair. it's the first time i have voluntarily touched him since the last arena" - never forget what the movies took from us!!
them smoothing/playing with/brushing back each other's hair has been a constant since the first book. an intimate thing, a comforting thing. and here, after all that's gone on, katniss knows what might help him sleep and she takes the risk of touching him. it could've gone so badly. but she still did it, for him. and for her.
him whispering "you're still trying to protect me. real or not real"... i want to hug him so bad. but he feels it. he feels her wanting to still protect him and he needs the confirmation.
protecting each other is what they do guysss
he has horrible circles under his eyes from not being able to sleep but, as katniss smooths his hair back, he falls asleep after a minute. do you understand how important this is?????
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sky-fire-forever · 3 months
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Ya'll need to learn to love more than one character. Like someone loving a certain character does not take away your ability to love a different character or even their ability to love a different character
Izzy's my favorite character, yeah. But why are people assuming I hate Ed?? I fucking love Ed. I adore him so much. He's so baby girl. He tries so hard to be good and a lot of his worse actions are fuelled by his self-hatred and loss. He's fascinating to me and I want to study him like a bug. The way he distances himself from his cruelty ("technically the fire killed those guys") and how he presents himself differently to different people (the party boy to Jack, the sensitive sap with Stede, the ruthless captain to Izzy) are both things that I fucking love analyzing and talk about to my partner constantly. I love how hard he tries to be a good person! I love how he is slowly learning how to care about people on their terms instead of his own. I love his growth and how much he WANTS to grow
You know who else I love? Stede! His compassion and care for the people around him is so touching and I love that he takes so much pleasure in the little things. I love how we've watched his confidence build since the first episode, where he was constantly panicked and nervous, to a capable captain who still loves his crew but will defend himself and won't take as much shit from people like Nigel. He'll defend his crew instead of hiding like a coward. I love how he delights in details like fancy wardrobes and a cursed suit because he takes pleasure in small things like that! In marmalade and puzzle chests. He's a sweetheart and he rejects the idea that he has to be cruel to be capable
Oluwande was my favorite character when I first watched season one (though I dislike a lot of his season two writing because it feels like they dumbed him down) because he's kind and very intelligent. He cares a lot for the crew and he's extremely capable while also being a little goofy and being soooo bad at addressing his feelings. I love that he was so obviously in love with Jim, but had that first instinct of denying it if questioned because that's so often how crushes work! His little "What? No! Shut up!" When the chief pointed out his feelings for Jim still makes me giggle. He's a little awkward, but he's sweet and he's supportive. He also can be a little shit when he wants to be, like when he basically made Jim confront their past because he was petty about them not telling him about it. He's always got people's backs and there's a reason he was chosen to be the captain during the Izzy mutiny.
Jim is a character who means SO much to me as a trans person. Their arc is so special to me and they're also just... so fucking cool. I love their journey of figuring out who they're supposed to be versus who they WANT to be. Their struggle with what's expected of them and them wondering if they even want what they thought they wanted is so touching. Them defending Izzy is actually so great to me because it shows their loyalty and their need to defend their family. It didn't have to be Izzy, it could be any member of the crew and they would have their back. Because that's what family means to them. "Our dick" says a lot about them, as does their little "He was your friend" line. Jim cares about people even when they're quiter and more closed off. Hell, they stabbed a man in the first episode for insulting Frenchie and they didn't even talk yet! Them being the one to tell the Pinocchio story to Fang was so great because it shows just how soft they really are and want to be.
Speaking of, I also adore Fang so so so much. He's such a sweetheart and he's sensitive and he cares so, so much about his friends. He's a big softie and I wanna hug him. I bet he gives such great hugs. As soon as he's given the allowance to be soft, he takes it. He misses his dog that Ed forced him to kill (which I feel like no one talks about?) and gets blushy and giggly about Lucius finding him attractive. He's just!! So fantastic
I wish we knew more about Ivan because I love him and I have so much fun imagining stuff about him. Like how I hc him as a trans woman
Archie as a character is so fun and I wish wish wish we got more of her because I fucking LOVE everything about her. She's so fun to watch and I want to know how she gets along with Oluwande and I want to see her interact with the rest of the crew so badly. The way she fell in love with Jim because of their hope makes me CRY. I love that she kisses Jim while they're covered in blood and there's a rotten leg like a foot away and she doesn't care. I love her energy and her excitement and every scene with her just makes me grin like an idiot. I'm still so mad about the season being cut because I feel like we could have gotten more scenes with her
Roach is fucking great. My partner and I will quote "meat is meat" at each other constantly. He's so ridiculous and I love him. I love how obsessed with Zheng's soup he is. I love his bitchy "how am I supposed to cook here?" when Stede moves them to live under a bridge. I love how chill he is and the faces he makes when he's reacting to things. He's so funny and I love him
Frenchie is my fucking beloved. His mind box is something I think about so often. How he doesn't want to think about all that has happened to him, but doesn't. How hurt he is. How he fucking deserves every bit of becoming captain of his own ship. The fact that he sings and plays an instrument (I do not know what specific instrument he plays. Is it a ukulele?) and sings about how they're all gonna die with a grin on his face. He's a dork and I love how he hides Izzy at great risk to himself because he cares about his family as much as Jim does. The way he expdcts Ed to kill him and basically offers to do it for him just to get it over with (if I'm remembering correctly). I love his superstition and how he believes it's supported by fact! I think his superstitious beliefs are so, so interesting and I want to know where he learned them.
Wee John is so fucking great. How long has he been doing drag? What happened to his mother with whom he used to make dresses? I need to know! I love that he just wants to set things on fire all the time. I love his line about "I'd love to be stabbed by Jim". I love all of him! He's such a fun character
I love Lucius and how trauma genuinely changes him. He's a bitch and he's petty and he loves gossip. He's the first person to insert himself into a shitty breakup, helping both Stede and Ed at different points. Him keeping Jim's sex a secret and him helping both Stede and Ed is so interesting to me! He's a supportive friend and he's a slut (affectionate) and he's a bitch (affectionate) and everything about him makes me obsessed. I like that Stede has to talk to him about opening up about his trauma! I like that Lucius genuinely loves Pete and how his trauma has made him more bitter. I love how he's still the first person to call bullshit on Ed.
Black Pete actually used to annoy me, but he's grown on me. I love that he's such a dork who struggles with insecurity to the point of making shit up about himself. I love how much he loves Lucius! I fucking adore his one-liners and his delivery of them. He's so fucking funny
I could spend fucking hours talking about Mary Bonnet. I love her so much. Everything about her makes me feral. How she refuses to take Stede's bullshit. Her paintings! Her relationship with Doug that seems so fucking sweet. I love this woman. Please bring Mary back. Please. I'm begging
Buttons is Buttons. Everything about him is fucking fantastic and I want to chew on him like a chew toy
Me enjoying a certain character does not take away from my absolute love of other characters. I tend to talk about Izzy most because I find active displays of tragedy more interesting and Izzy and Ed are the most outwardly angsty characters (which is also why I'm usually talking about Kraken Era Ed when I discuss him). They outwardly express more dramatic feelings rather than characters like Stede or Frenchie who bury a lot of those feelings or express them in different ways. Izzy is from the dramatic genre and I love dramas. Comedy writing is not my specialty
But I can recognize that while I think about other characters a lot, I don't talk about them as often. So expect more metas and discussion of more characters in the future (hopefully. I just write things as I think of them and them to my queue tbh)
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pianostarinwonderland · 5 months
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The boys look like puppets on strings so cool! I wonder what’s the meaning behind Ortho, Ace and Kalim being chosen as SSR this time. I understand Ortho being non-human like Pinocchio but kinda lost on Kalim and Ace. Although Ace’s surname is Italian.
THEY DO I FUCKING LOVE IT !!!
So so so1! I really think Ace, Kalim, and Ortho being the SSRs makes so much sense because of the theme of Pleasure Island. Pleasure Island in Pinocchio is a place where boys that are led to there could have all the fun they wanna do—play games, smoke and drink, etc. But then that comes at a price: the longer they stay there, the more they will transform to donkeys until they are fully donkey and are made to work.
The event summary somehow gives confirmation too that they're gonna follow this concept:
A select number of NRC students are invited by the strange man Fellow Honest and his apprentice Gidelle to spend their time in the illustrous amusement park, Playful Land. Just for one day, you can play as much as you want. No school for that day, you can even become a star on the stage! However, there is one thing that you must take note and remember. Never forget your "good conscience"...
(TL by my friend @shuuenmei)
From here alone, Ace and Kalim make sense. They're both troublemakers, with Ace being... well, Ace. And Kalim, while he doesn't intend to, does things on a whim, which inconveniences people especially Jamil. They're also materialistic. Ace in book 6 keeping the money for himself, and the way he talks about fashion and shoes, indicates this. And Kalim... is Kalim. They've got their indulgences.
But on the flipside, they have their moral compasses. Ace's moral compass is especially seen in Book 1 and Ghost Marriage—dude will call out people. And Kalim's resistance to Jade's unique magic in book 4 displays the strength of his own values.
Ortho fits this too. He is less of a troublemaker than Ace and Kalim, but his penchant for laser beams isn't the best either (as seen in Ghost Marriage and Uniform Ortho story). In FG Ortho story, Ortho tells Riddle about the time he skipped class and Trein scolded him for it. Riddle also told Ortho to not skip class, but he understood too that it's because Ortho's used to not getting told off for skipping before officially enrolling into NRC. He does have a good heart, though, and he is developing his own values as he's now more human than pre book 6. And as the character most resembling Pinocchio, it would be really interesting to see how he deals with Playful Land.
Hope this makes sense! There's honestly a lot of theories and speculations that you can make with this. But this is how I interpret it right now.
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iaminsideyourwalls · 11 months
Note
Sorry for the ask so soon after my first one, but really, I would love to hear about any head canons you'd like to share! :O Do you have a favorite merc?
Don’t apologize for asks, I love asks! I even put it in my bio.
You couldn’t ask a parent to pick a favorite child could you??? ;_; (although I do think about sniper every day.) I’ll give you a headcanon for all of them then.
Scout
he retained some French from when he was little. He’s not good at it in general but is a lot better at understanding it than speaking it. He can eavesdrop on Spy but can’t conjugate être. I also like versions of Scout that speak Spanish when people hc his mom as Latina.
Sniper
one of my all time favorite headcanons is Māori Sniper. Also, if you’ve seen this blog you’ll know i believe he’s an autistic king.
Engineer
I know a lot of people tend to portray him as a tender, kind, empathetic guy but I genuinely don’t think he’s ever felt empathy or genuine compassion in his life. Sure he knows how to act sweet and polite and soft and nonthreatening all the time but no matter how long you’ve known him, if you get in his way he’s already designing a new machine in his head to blow you away into the last century.
Demoman
Objectum Demoman is one of my all-time favorites. For real. I will genuinely ship him with eyelander, idgaf.
Soldier
I really love trans soldier headcanons. His transmasc swag is off the charts. It’s hard to come up with hcs for Soldier because he’s so fucking wild you could put him in any situation and it could be true. Lived in a diving bell for two years? Sure. Favorite food is un-husked kernels of wheat? Absolutely. Replaced his dick with his big toe so he could use it to walk? I could go on.
Heavy
during and after he obtained his phd in Russian literature he published a number of fiction books under a pen name. They’re all tasteful romances with subplots of political intrigue. They gained high critical praise and are still moderately popular in bookstores in Russia and some neighboring countries. all the royalties from sales go to his family. He’s also an autistic king.
Pyro
I don’t have many headcanons for pyro because I like keeping the whole mystery. I don’t wonder what’s under the mask or come up with possible names because I think the whole of the character is that mystery. But I will say that as great as unicorns and rainbows and cupcakes are, there’s really nothing Pyro loves more than hanging out with Engie in his workshop and pretending to help.
Medic
as far as my own headcanons, I have a lot. Here’s some. He does not have a driver’s license—he taught himself to drive by stealing a car. He’s insecure about his voice but he talks too much to really care. He’s always wanted a motorcycle. He puts drugs in his morning coffee. He doesn’t like classical music, he listens to the top 40s on the radio and sings along. The peppier the better.
One of my favorite Medic headcanons I ever heard was that he only has medical training as a veterinarian and I think that’s hilarious because it could absolutely be real.
Spy
He’s smart but he’s not as highly educated as he wants people to think. He never went to a university and maybe never even finished school. Just like Scout, he’s so damn good at what he does that he can afford to be more concerned with appearance and showing off than anything else. They’re both committed to making people see what they want them to see and nothing deeper.
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butterflydm · 7 months
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wot rewatch (book spoilers edition): 2x2
Additional thoughts that had too many spoilers to go into my earlier post will be found here. Spoilers for all the teasers and trailers, plus through book 13: A Memory of Light.
So one of the big questions that I have is: how much is Lanfear acting with Ishamael's knowledge and how much is she going her own way? Ishamael said in the Darkfriend social scene that he is still looking for Rand. If he's being truthful there (and he's talking to his minions, so there's really no point in lying), then Lanfear has not told him that she located Lews Therin.
2. I hadn't thought about this on my first watch, but @ladyofpembroke noted that Lanfear is probably in Rand's final dream in the next episode, so it seems possible that she actually has a hand in all his dreams. Constantly reminding him that he could kill his friends if he sees them again is a good way to make him want to stay where he is (with her) and not try to reconnect with his past life. Like any effective manipulator, she's keeping him isolated from his friends and family as much as she can.
3. otoh, we know from the books that being able to locate someone's dreams doesn't mean that you know where they are in the physical world, so this might be an Ishamael-influenced dream (I note that while Rand's visions of his friends has them wearing their S1 outfits, Ishamael is wearing his s2 outfit, which Rand hasn't seen), so this might be an Ishamael-influenced dream since he figures he might as well torment Rand in the dream if he can't find him irl.
4. Given that Rand is already hearing whispers, I wonder when the show plans to re-introduce Lews Therin to us in his own form. It might even be this season, if they wanted to make sure to keep a lock on the actor (or we might get another Age of Legends cold open -- though I note that we only had one cold open in this set of three episodes, though that might be because Rafe & co were aware that they would likely all air the same night so that might have affected their choices there - I'd love an AoL cold open where we get to see Lanfear and Lews Therin together).
5. So, did Rand find his way to Cairhien first and then Lanfear set up an inn in the Foregate to entice him to her, or did she set up her inn before he arrived and she figured out a way to lure him in? Either way, she's doing a much better job than the Lanfear in the books. She's much less suspicious than "random noblewoman who managed to appear in an unpopulated parallel world so that Rand could save her" and she's more subtle too. While the cringefail Forsaken in the books can be amusing, the threat level of the villains also helps tell you how seriously to take your protagonists, so I'm glad that they beefed up her threat level by actually making her effective. Right now, Lanfear is #winning on every possible level.
6. I love Errol because he serves several story purposes -- he's reminding us that Rand looks "like an Aiel"; he's serving Hurin's purpose in the story of giving Rand someone to look after and be protective of; he's teaching Rand sword forms because he was a blademaster; and he's giving us a bit of history about "the Aiel war". And the actor is quite charming. Plus he's used to show us both Rand's compassion and his need/desire to find mentors to help teach him the skills he needs. At this point in time, Rand does believe that he's defeated the Dark One and his nightmares are just nightmares but he does still want to learn how to protect himself and how to control himself.
7. We mostly hear indistinct whispers until Rand is walking down the hallway (it's the shot from the trailer) and it resolves into "Do you hear me? You are mine, Rand al'Thor." Which is very interesting. Our first inkling of Lews Therin? If so, it shows a greater awareness of Rand as a person than LTT's voice showed in the earlier books when it appeared in his head. I've speculated that this might happen, so I wonder if we're going to get more genuine back-and-forth between Rand and LTT than we really got in the books as a way of letting us into Rand's internal narration without him needing to pour out his heart to any of the characters around him.
8. I am actually loving Perrin getting Rand's plotline here -- it's working really well for him, being used to show us how Perrin can smell what happened in places so vividly that he's re-experiencing the past. I feel like if I didn't know this was Rand's original plotline, I wouldn't have guessed. It suits how they're exploring Perrin's character so well. I do wonder... Elyas speaks of Perrin experiencing a 'vision' -- I wonder if they're going to make the mystical side of being a Wolfbrother more distinct from what Dreamers do in this show version. Because it really was kinda... weird in the books how Perrin and Egwene are doing all this training in the same dreamworld but Perrin never runs across her or any of the Aiel Dreamwalkers, even once they're spending more time in the wetlands side of things.
9. The nailed-up Fade is used in the books to mark when Fain 'takes control' of the Darkfriends & Trollocs. I wonder here if it's meant to mark the moment when the dagger owns him more strongly than the Dark One does. Because the people of Shadar Logoth were not darkfriends -- and they focused on this in s1, too, because dagger!Mat is not a fan of the Fade that he meets in the farmhouse.
10. Love foreshadowing of Errol talking about "Aielman among us and no one bats an eyelash in the entire place" -- Rand is going to be bringing a lot of Aiel to the wetlands. I bet we're going to get to see some of these sword forms in the finale!
11. Liandrin does seem like she's becoming genuinely invested in Nynaeve. I like that (almost) everyone gets their own personal Darkfriend -- Nynaeve has Liandrin, Mat also has Liandrin (she's a hard worker!), Rand has Lanfear, Perrin has (remorseful) Ingtar, Moiraine has (double agent) Verin, Lan has (repentant) Tomas, and even Egwene gets a scene with Sheriam (who will get to be Her Darkfriend Among Us later on, if we're able to follow the books that closely when we get there), though she's not really the focus of Sheriam's attention. Everyone gets a little personal attention from the Shadow!
I like that Nynaeve gets rushed forward to the test for Accepted due to Liandrin wanting to teach her so badly. It seems more realistic reasoning than we get in the books.
12. Another big lie from Liandrin here about how Mat is here because they are "only observing" that the effects of the dagger are out of his system, which Mat immediately calls bullshit on. He's locked in a cell and only Liandrin is around -- that is not an official observation by any means. That's a prison. It's been six months. So I would put Liandrin's official lie count at two. Notably, she's only lying to Mat so far, who is both kept well away from other people and also doesn't really know as much about Aes Sedai (we know from Egwene and Moiraine's conversation in the woods in s1 that the people of the Two Rivers do not have the Aes Sedai oaths memorized).
13. My dearest, my darling, my deepest love is finally here! At the end of my reread, when I was ranking my favorite characters, Elayne was my number one favorite. Ceara is doing such a good job with her and the writing is also excellent. I love how many different sides of her we get to see in just these two episodes -- sheltered noble, awkward girl who grew up with no friends, someone familiar with the Tower but not familiar being a novice in the Tower, but a tinkerer (!!! so excited that they put this in so early) at heart and incredibly loyal and compassionate. I just adored her so much in these two episodes and I am looking forward to seeing more of her. I do really hope that, in the midst of all the chaos, that the show does manage to give her something of a meet-cute with Rand, even if it's less obviously romantic than the one in the books. But I'm really looking forward to more of her interacting with Egwene and Nynaeve, and hopefully meeting Aviendha and/or Min and/or Mat in the finale or before it.
14. I have zero issue with Sheriam not being a redhead. I think it's a good idea for the show to cut down on the number of redheads, given that Jordan says it's rare but then keeps giving us random redheads. Limiting the on-screen ones to the Aiel and the royal house of Andor seems like a good idea to me.
15. So first we got Perrin's letters last episode. Now, in this episode, Elyas tells Perrin that the soldiers he's with right now "are not your pack". While he could be talking about the wolves, of course, I feel like, as a viewer, that makes me think of the EF5 and how that's who Perrin belongs with right now. Especially after Perrin's letter talking about how he feels 'exposed' without the others around. Again, it gives me the hope that we'll get more moments of reconnection between the EF5 over the course of the show.
16. This moment with Verin is such a great one to look at knowing the truth of her situation. "Even oaths have loopholes one can exploit". She's the expert at it. Oaths are a bit of a minor theme in this episode and the next -- the loopholes and also, next episode, we're introduced to the Seanchan oaths where Perrin is, I assume, going to take the very reasonable position that a forced oath is not binding (which is the same position that Mat had in Winter's Heart but inexplicably abandoned in Crossroads of Twilight when he decided his accidental wedding vows were binding).
Oh! I knew I remembered hearing the words "Toman Head" in these three episodes but hadn't remembered it was Verin mentioning it! I thought it was noted as part of the Dark Prophecies but it's mentioned here as mainline prophecy. But the name is out there now. And this conversation also confirms "sword of flame" and "battle in the sky" for the finale, most likely, and a mention of a "branded hand" which feels like it confirms the herons. I wonder if Rand is going to use the same weave on his dad's sword that we saw Verin using at the end of the last episode for Tomas's sword. This may also mean that it's using that weave that burns the herons into Rand's palms?
17. The Rand and Lanfear scenes. Wow! But, yeah, I wonder how much her non-reaction to his bloody knuckles struck show-onlys. She doesn't ask him what happened, who he beat up. She just kisses his bloody knuckles and sweet-talks him into bed.
18. So far, we've heard/seen three separate form of violent teaching in the White Tower -- the unnamed woman who beat Moiraine to make her channel (likely Elaida); Liandrin's behavior with Nynaeve; and Sheriam telling Elayne that she'll be switched. Both Liandrin and Sheriam, of course, are Black Ajah. But from Egwene's reaction here, it doesn't seem like being ordered to be switched is anything close to the common punishment that it seemed to be in the books. But we'll see!
19. It does occur to me that Gawyn (maybe Galad too) might already have been in training with the Warders even if Elayne wasn't a novice yet -- Elayne has been spending her summers in the Tower and it's entirely possible that Gawyn's training to protect her meant he was sent off early to start learning from the best. We don't get any hints in this episode or the next about her brothers, but we're pretty focused on her developing friendship with Egwene.
20. "Min is in Tar Valon" and "Min and Mat share a plotline" were my two most hoped-for options for Min's storyline for this season, so I'm happy about that. I do wish that Min had been given a chance to bond with Elayne or Egwene but, hopefully, there will be time for that later. But I really love the set-up we've been given where we are going to explore Elayne with Egwene and Nynaeve; Min being more fully-explored with Mat; and then Aviendha when she enters Perrin's storyline. All of them are getting fleshed out as individual characters before any of them get romantically involved with Rand. I am feeling pretty hopeful that we're going to get our polycule (and a genuine polycule, not a harem) in the upcoming seasons. They've been putting in a lot of "poly relationships are valid and complex" groundwork in and it looks like they are going to be making sure that all of the characters involved get to be full characters who have their own agendas and their own arcs.
Some people on reddit are still pretty disappointed that Min isn't the male-gaze fantasy that she is in the later books but I have been thrilled with the changes that the show has done so far with her. We also maybe get a hint here that Min is going to be canonically bisexual by the way she jokes about Liandrin, so I will cross my fingers on that.
20. Min's viewing! I do love that they're massively cutting down on the number of Min's viewings to focus on ones that are interesting and relevant. This one is particularly interesting because there's nothing like it in the books. Mat stabbing Rand, then cradling him as he falls.
Theory #1: this is a flicker-flicker world (maybe we only get one big one?) and it's not Our Mat stabbing Our Rand but an alternate one.
Theory #2: Rand asks Mat to fulfill his promise to keep Rand from going mad and that's why Mat stabs him.
Theory #3: Rand loses control of himself (like Lady Amalisa in 1x8) and Mat stabs him to try to get him to lose his hold on the One Power.
Theory #4: Mat gets placed under compulsion (which would be another reason for him to want protection from Aes Sedai and channeling).
Theory #5: Mat gets The Dagger again and he's the one who gives Rand the wound in his side, while under its influence.
Theory #6: It's metaphorical and Mat takes the place of Alivia and helps Rand 'die' at the end of the series (seems unlikely but I'll throw it out there).
And probably lots of other things I haven't thought of. But it definitely shakes Min to see it.
I wonder if she only agreed to help Liandrin after this moment or if she'd already agreed and this is just additional incentive. I don't think she's told Liandrin anything about Rand. She was able to keep that secret from Moiraine even under blackmail so I think she kept it from Liandrin too.
But I do love that we get a viewing that connects Mat and Rand together, even if it's through a traumatic encounter. I am a simple soul who finds messiness intriguing.
21. Lanfear! Talking about her broken heart to the man who broke it and who she is, even now, doing her best to groom back into the man that she wants. The layers in this conversation are exquisite. When she tells him that he can't hurt her, she also can say that because she has a strong grasp of what she can do with the Power while he's still stumbling in the dark. Ooof, but Rand was (unknowingly) on risky ground when he confirmed that he does sometimes think of his past when he's with her.
Also, talking about how "no one else" could ever have power over her heart now that her previous lover is gone... when she's literally talking to his reincarnation. The conversation is just so rich and so sharp and there's so much of it that is going over Rand's head because he doesn't have the necessary information to even begin to put the pieces together. "What's left to hurt if he still has my whole heart?" she says, to the guy in question. "When I'm with you, I can pretend you're him." YEAH. I BET YOU CAN.
22. So I wonder if Moiraine's threat here to Lan, that she would let Alanna take his bond if he didn't let her leave on her own, is going to be the extent of the "Myrelle" plot point that Alanna absorbs and it won't actually happen in fact. But now it's out there as an idea that Warders can be forcibly bonded so that when Alanna forcibly bonds someone else down the road, the idea isn't coming out of nowhere.
23. I was so shocked when the Seanchan attacked in episode two. I was thinking this would happen in episode five. But once I sat down and thought about it, I realizes that Perrin has already hit all the main points of the Hunt for the Horn storyline on his side of things (and even partly on what Rand would have been doing). We've found the traitor and had Ingtar reveal his sympathy towards said traitor; we've found the Fade and the moment when Fain started playing by his own rules; and we've even been exploring Perrin and his senses. This does mean that we're going to have a lot of potential time to explore the Seanchan invasion and culture.
24. I don't have any issues with Ishamael openly being Suroth's advisor vs someone covertly giving Suroth her marching orders. High Lady Suroth is a Darkfriend and always was. We're just taking it out of the shadows and showing it openly to the viewers (and Perrin).
I do wonder if Perrin specifically seeing the Shadow and the Seanchan so entwined will have an impact on his later storylines. That I wonder about. But the later books were, tbh, really weird about how low-impact the Falme encounter ended up being in the long run for pretty much everyone except Egwene. Min basically forgets she knows anything about the Seanchan even when that information could help Rand, everyone forgets about the environment of paranoia and fear that the Seanchan created in Falme, etc. There's a lot of weird forgetfulness going around, especially in CoT & KoD, when Jordan wanted to sell us on his slaver romance.
(the way that the show has been improving characters like Min and relationships like Rand/Lanfear does give me a lot of hope in how they will handle Tuon and the Mat & Tuon 'romance' and that they'll make it better than the poorly-written dumpster fire that it is in CoT & KoD)
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