#but i’m genuinely starting to think romance is just a blend of other attraction types and some severely fucked up social constructs

[blue-haired-heathen]

not aromantic in the sense that i don’t experience romantic attraction, aromantic using the same connotation of the a- prefix as atheistic, to denote that i do not believe in romantic attraction

[artificialqueens]

You're beautiful, no matter what I used to say - (Nina/Brooke) - multifandomgeek

Summary: To Brooke, beauty is everything. So when she starts getting feelings for a girl completely outside her type, she just tries to ignore it.

-

A lesbian, college AU

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20606846

–

Brooke lived for beauty. She loved every aspect of it, and it was part of all of her favorite subjects: makeup, fashion, design. She had a good eye for it too, be it in art or in people, and she was proud of that. In her first year of college, she already knew it would be an important aspect of her life, no matter if she decided to design clothes or graphic material (she was still thinking about it).

To her, It was extremely important to look her best at all times. It only made sense, and she would rather spend less on food than go without her trusted brands of makeup, even if with her clothes she could be a little more creative to fit her budget.

Beauty was everything, and when she found herself attracted to someone, appearance was always on the top of the list. Some people might call it shallow, but for her it was just a clear sign that that girl had something in common with her. Even when she was a young teen, it had seemed so obvious that she would be a lesbian because women were just the most beautiful creatures on earth. It was simple.

She liked girls with softly smoked eyes paired with red lips, or colorfully blended eyeshadow with a bold personality. She liked voluptuous hair that she could tell was fancy just from looking at it, or maybe short, well-kept styles that exposed a long neck and big, stylish earrings. But most of all, she liked girls’ curves. A lean body, round just in the right places, that she would pull closer to her with a hand strategically placed on their lower backs.

She could never see herself with a less than perfect girl. It was just who she was. Some people valued romance, others valued loyalty, and Brooke valued beauty. To each their own.

“Why are we doing this again?” Brooke asked Detox, her best friend, who had dragged her to a LGBTQ event one afternoon.

“Because we’re queer, and we should give back to the community,” said Detox, fixing her lipstick in a small mirror while they waited for the thing to begin. It was supposed to be an auction, or was it a bingo? Brooke didn’t really care.

“Give back for what?” mumbled Brooke, looking around as they sat down, seeing if she could at least score a good lay from this, but everybody seemed a little… weird.

Detox elbowed her. “Aren’t you out, you ungrateful cunt? Don’t take that for granted.”

Brooke rolled her eyes, but didn’t say anything else. She looked at her nails and accepted her fate, if only for Detox’s sake. She knew her friend had another relationship entirely with being gay, and even if Brooke didn’t get it, she wasn’t that big of an asshole to not be able to stand a few hours in a boring lecture (what even was this event?) to support her best friend.

The room they were in was relatively small, with a few rows of plastic chairs pointing to a raised platform on one of its extremities, where a podium with a microphone was set. It reminded Brooke of the church her mother used to go to when she was little, if with a lower ceiling. The chairs were about half full, and she supposed this kind of thing wasn’t very popular. It wasn’t difficult to understand why, considering Brooke herself didn’t want to come in the first place.

She and Detox were sitting at one of the last rows. They usually found themselves in that position, often because they wanted the option to leave in the middle of things, but maybe it was just a habit that came from being popular and not caring much about school. There were all kinds of people scattered around, a lot of them clearly alone, and Brooke couldn’t help but pity them. Maybe this organization (was it a club?) was important for some people after all.

“Okay, guys, sorry for the delay,” said a girl taking the podium with a hurried demeanor and a giant smile. She didn’t talk on the mic, but her presence was enough to make the low chatter that had filled the room stop all at once. “We’ll begin in a minute, but while we don’t, Josh will pass a list for you to fill in with your contact info. It’s completely optional, and we’ll use it to keep you updated with our activities.”

A guy with bright blue hair waved two clipboards with pens tied to them, so everybody could see, before handing them to people sitting on opposite sides of the room. Brooke dismissed it completely, turning her gaze back to the girl at the podium, who was now going through a stack of papers with an air of confident professionalism, a soft smile still playing on her lips.

She was a big girl, probably as tall as Brooke and who knows how much heavier. She had her dark blonde hair brushed back and kept in place by a headband, with a few strands dyed pink, almost randomly and already quite faded. She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt with a logo that was probably that of the LGBTQ association. There was no makeup on her face apart for a nude lipstick. Maybe a little concealer, if that, not that Brooke could notice at that distance. She caught herself thinking she could be sort of pretty, if she put some effort into it.

“Is this working?” said the girl, grabbing the mic, that was, indeed, working. “Okay, it is, haha,” she laughed, and Brooke smiled with her. What? “Hello everyone, and welcome. My name is Nina West, I’m the head of our LGBTQIA+ Association. I want to thank everyone for coming, it means a lot for us, and know that you’re always welcome here, no matter what.” Nina’s smile was so genuine Brooke couldn’t help but believe her, even though it was probably a speech she had delivered a hundred times.

Nina went on to list the weekly activities held by the association, that included game and movie nights, soccer practice, singing lessons, support groups, activism meetings, and so many other things that Brooke was genuinely surprised. The clipboard for the contact info reached her and she almost filled it in before remembering she didn’t actually want to be there. She passed it over to Detox, not looking if she was filling it herself in favor of keeping watching Nina. “We’ve had sewing and fashion design workshops for the last few months, and everyone was so good we decided it would be fun to show it off!” said Nina excitedly. “Tonight, our models are all LGBTQIA students who attended the workshops and made or embellished the clothes they’re wearing. So please give it up for our first artist, Trevor!”

Brooke was smiling and clapping with the crowd before she could think about it. A lanky boy wearing a short sequined dress appeared from behind her to parade through the center of the room, between the rows of chairs. The dress was not very remarkable, but Trevor was smiling so much, strutting like he truly believed he was on a runway, that it seemed more beautiful than it actually was. He went up to the stage and made a few poses while people cheered and clapped.

Nina walked to him, smiling so proudly you’d think she was his mom. “Hi Trevor, how are you?” she pointed the mic to him so he could answer.

“I’m fabulous!” said Trevor.

Nina laughed wholeheartedly and Brooke’s heart did something weird. “You are!” said Nina. “Did you make this from scratch?”

“Yes,” said Trevor, a little more shyly. “Sasha helped a lot, but yeah.”

“It’s amazing!” said Nina. “Isn’t it, you guys?” she turned to the small audience, who whistled and cheered. “You’re incredible, Trev! And fabulous.” She pointed at him, while kindly leading him to stand on the corner while she announced the next model, this time a girl in a big puffy jacket.

The fashion show went on, and while some of the garments were… well, questionable, a couple were really well made and tasteful. The last person to walk the make-shift runway was Sasha, the person who most people mentioned as their mentor. Brooke couldn’t really tell if they were a boy or a girl, and it was fascinating. They were absolutely beautiful, despite the bald head, which was so bizarre in Brooke’s mind. Sasha was wearing a long red gown that was so gorgeous it should be on a red carpet. Brooke wanted to meet them.

In fact, now that she thought about it, a workshop might be just what she needed to decide on what major she should pursue. She could have a taste of the real thing and see if it seemed like something she wanted to do for the rest of her life, then go for the fashion career. If not, then graphic design could be the right choice after all. It was at least worth a try.

She explained it to Detox once the event was over. To say she looked surprised was an understatement, the other girl surely expecting Brooke to want to leave as soon as possible. People were talking and mingling around the room. Brooke noticed nobody was alone anymore, and it gave her a weirdly nice feeling. She felt nervous as she approached Nina, which was even weirder. She never had problems talking to people before, but this girl was something else.

“Hi,” said Brooke once Nina was free from a conversation with one of the students who had modeled.

“Hi!” said Nina with a gentle smile. She was just as tall as Brooke, and her eyes were so pretty.

“I’m Brooke,” she said, extending her hand.

“I’m Nina, nice to meet you.” Nina’s handshake was firm yet comforting.

She must give the best hugs, Brooke thought. What was going on with her today? “I was wondering if those sewing workshops are still going on?”

“Yes, of course!” said Nina, letting go of Brooke’s hand, that suddenly felt cold. “It happens on Wednesdays at 7 p.m. Did you put your email on the contact sheet?”

“Oh. No, I, hm…” Brooke trailed off, not knowing what she could say.

“It’s fine,” said Nina without missing a beat. “Just show up a few minutes earlier and we’ll set you up.” She touched Brooke’s arm, smiling.

Brooke just wanted to be her friend so bad. “Okay, then. I will. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” said Nina. “See you then.”

Brooke made her way back to Detox, who was watching her with a weird smile on her face.

“I think you have a crush on pink girl,” said Detox.

“What? Of course not, she’s-” Fat, Brooke wanted to say, but refrained. Detox just chuckled and shook her head, not looking like she believed Brooke at all. Brooke looked back at Nina, who was now talking to Sasha. One of the pink strands of her hair had fallen down her face, brushing her cheek, and Brooke wanted to pull it back for her. “She’s so nice, though.”

–

When Wednesday came around, Brooke found her way back to the Association room all by herself. She was very excited, the prospect of doing something passion-oriented so refreshing after so many weeks of exhausting classes. She had dressed sensibly professional, changing after her classes just to feel more confident going in. She had even applied a new nail-polish just the day before, predicting she would get there barely knowing how to thread a needle and wanting to be at the top of her game to cope with her anxiety.

She was 15 minutes early. The chairs were all piled in one corner, making space for a few long tables that were scattered in the center of the room. Sasha was there, taking pieces of fabric out of a suitcase and organizing them on the tables. Near the door, there was a desk where another girl sat, working on a laptop. She looked up when Brooke approached.

“Can I help you?” she asked. She wasn’t rude, but Brooke was expecting Nina. Of course, Nina couldn’t be there all the time, and the disappointment pooling in Brooke’s stomach made absolutely no sense. She didn’t come here for the other girl, she came for the sewing. Right?

“Hi, I came for the sewing workshop? Nina told me to come early because I’m new.”

“Oh, welcome,” the girl smiled. She had curly brown hair and warm eyes, but it just didn’t hit quite as good. “I’m Meatball.”

“I’m- what?”

The girl laughed, pleased at Brooke’s reaction. “Meatball. It’s not my real name, don’t worry, my parents weren’t that mean,” she said, opening a drawer and rummaging in it for a moment before finding a piece of paper that she handled to Brooke. “Fill this out and you’re good to go.”

It was a form for Brooke’s basic information, with a few unusual boxes like “pronouns” and a line saying you could use whatever name you’d like, it didn’t have to be your official one. For a split second, Brooke thought about how unnecessary that seemed, but then it hit her where she was, and she wondered how much of a difference a detail like that made in making people feel welcome there. A lot, she supposed.

“HI, DIVA,” Meatball suddenly shouted, startling Brooke, who looked up to see Nina at the door. Her heart started beating faster, inexplicably.

“HI, DIVA,” Nina yelled back, leaning over the desk to… wiggle her tongue at Meatball? It was like they were having an open-mouthed, exaggerated kiss, but without actually touching. It was ridiculous, kind of disgusting, and Brooke wanted Nina to do it to her too.

Nina turned to Brooke. “You came!” she said, and Brooke didn’t even know when she started smiling.

“Hi,” she said. Nina had her hair up in a ponytail today, and was wearing a more delicate top than the t-shirt that Brooke saw her in last time. It had a nicely cut cleavage, and wow, those were nice tits. Brooke snapped out of it before she ogled for too long, swiftly finishing her form and handling it to Meatball.

“Have you met Sasha yet?” asked Nina, placing a hand on Brooke’s back.

“Not really, no,” said Brooke, being guided to the tables, not taking her eyes off Nina.

“Hey, beauties,” said Sasha as they approached, and their voice was just enthralling.

“Hi, gorgeous,” said Nina, kissing Sasha’s cheek. “I have a new student for you, this is- oh, I’m so sorry, I forgot your name,” said Nina apologetically.

“Brooke,” she said, extending her hand to Sasha, who shook it. “Nice to meet you.” Nina forgot her name. That was cool, it was fine. They had talked for what, 10 seconds? At least she remembered her. Brooke was not at all saddened by it, that would be ridiculous.

Sasha asked Brooke what did she expect from the workshop and they started talking about the Fashion Design program, Sasha being a junior and a great source of information on the matter. Brooke should be more interested, really, and not fighting to pay attention as Nina slipped out of the conversation to talk to Meatball again.

But Sasha was their own kind of creature, and Brooke was genuinely mesmerized by them, even if her mind was playing tricks on her. Soon, she found herself hanging on every word as Sasha talked about beauty, in a completely different way than Brooke ever heard someone talk about the subject before. Soon, a few more people arrived, and Sasha had to cut the conversation short to start the class, leaving Brooke wanting more and at the same time with too much to think about.

There were about a dozen people in the room, and they were separated accordingly to what they wanted to learn. A few people were making clothes from scratch while others were decorating. Brooke was placed at a corner with a boy who taught her how to turn on the only sewing machine they had and how to make it work. It took a moment, but she got the hang of it, feeling immensely proud when she finally got the thing to whirl into motion, threading a line on a small piece of fabric, just for practice.

Once Brooke learned how to do the bare minimum on the machine, Sasha asked Nina to show her how to thread a needle and stitch something by hand, while someone else used the machine. Brooke was so happy to have an opportunity to talk to Nina again that she didn’t even feel when the needle punctured her finger as she tried to put a thread through its impossibly small hole.

“I didn’t think you were going to be in the class,” said Brooke, putting her finger in her mouth and sucking on it. Nina’s gaze zeroed on her lips for a moment and Brooke felt like smirking.

“Oh, I love it,” said Nina, quickly finding something to do on the table. “I’m not very good at it, but Sasha is such a great teacher, I can’t help but keep coming back.” She was avoiding looking at Brooke’s face; it was adorable and made something sparkle in Brooke’s chest.

“I think I want to be a fashion designer too,” said Brooke, going back to trying to thread the needle.

“That’s great! I’m a theater major, so it’s really useful for costumes and such, but I could never create things like you guys,” said Nina, relaxing a bit once she noticed Brooke’s finger wasn’t in her mouth anymore.

“This is frustrating. I might as well just give up on that dream,” said Brooke, lowering the needle with a huff.

Nina laughed. “You can practice that later. Here, have mine.”

Brooke was still hung up on the fact that she made Nina laugh, taking the needle with a thread already in it from her hand. Nina showed her how to make a simple stitch, and let her practice while she worked on her own project, a hoodie with a small hole in the seam that she was trying to fix.

They kept talking while doing it, and Brooke found out Nina was two years her senior, but had been in the queer association since day one, and for her, it was the most important part of her college life. She told Brooke a few stories about students that found there a true beacon of hope, and how she was so very proud of helping to build a safe space for the community in campus, even if that proved risky sometimes.

“What do you mean, risky?” asked Brooke.

“Oh, you know, just your regular bigot professor, sometimes a group of students who think they can just throw slurs at us and we’ll stay quiet. Oh, and of course, every time there are some cost issues, we are the first thing to pop up on the administration’s mind. It’s been fine nowadays, I just have to pay attention, it’s not like when-” She interrupted herself, looking away before she looked at Brooke again. “Hey, you’re almost finished. I have to show you how to tie a knot in the end now.”

“I want to help,” said Brooke all of a sudden. She didn’t know where that came from, this was supposed to be something she was doing for her own sake, selfish in every sense of the word. Brooke was not the kind of person who volunteered, and she was certainly not the kind of person who did things impulsively just to impress some pretty girl.

Wait, what?

“I’d really appreciate that, Brooke,” said Nina, looking into Brooke’s eyes.

Oh, what the hell.

“I have to look at my schedule, but I can free some time for you- for the association, I mean. I’m pretty good with time-management, I can help with whatever you need.” Her heart was pounding. She wondered if she could become familiar enough to have Nina kiss her cheek when she said hello to her too.

“Thank you,” said Nina, smiling in a way that felt like a reward in itself. She quickly walked to Meatball’s desk and took a slip of paper from the drawer, coming back to give it to Brooke. “Send me an email, we always need more people.”

It wasn’t like getting her number, but it was something. Not that Brooke liked her that way.

“I will.”

–

Volunteering, as it turned out, was work. A lot of work, especially if you just couldn’t find the heart to say no to the person in charge, even if there was an exam coming up or an essay due.

“You know, if you just boned her your life would be so much easier,” said Detox one day, roughly two months after Brooke started volunteering at the association. She was sitting at Brooke’s bed, watching the blonde apply concealer under her eyes to hide the signs of her tiredness.

“Fuck off,” said Brooke, focusing on her makeup and trying not to think about just how much she wished she could take that advice.

Becoming friends with Nina was easy. She was a very friendly person. In fact, she had a lot of friends, and Brooke was absolutely not jealous of any of them, nuh-uh, especially not the gay boys who kissed her on the mouth to say hello. Not at all.

Being friends with her was even easier, Nina was kind, sensitive, a great listener, but perhaps her greatest quality was her sense of humor. It just matched Brooke’s, in a way that sometimes left both of them with tears in their eyes. She just liked being with her, everything seemed so much better when Nina was around. Brooke smiled more, did more things that she was proud of, Nina just made her a point-blank better person, and happier too.

Brooke was so in love with her it was dizzying.

“Why haven’t you made a move yet?” said Detox. “Didn’t you say you could have, and I quote, ‘any fucking girl you wanted’?”

“Did I actually say that? God, I’m obnoxious,” said Brooke, scrunching her face at herself.

Detox laughed. “That’s not the point. What’s the deal with this girl?”

“I’m ready,” said Brooke, finishing touching up her lipstick and capping it, completely ignoring the question. “Come on, let’s go.”

Detox rolled her eyes, following Brooke outside so they could walk to class together.

–

Later that week, Brooke found herself at Nina’s place, together with half a dozen people as they did a task force to organize a bunch of paper-related tasks, including cutting up hundreds of flyers for upcoming events, which was what Brooke was doing. Her thumb was sore already, and so were her cheeks from all the laughing.

“Look at this bitch,” said Meatball with her phone pointing at Brooke’s face, probably filming an Instagram story. “Who puts on that much makeup to get paper cuts?”

“That reminds me, I got something for you,” said Brooke, reaching in her jeans pocket and bringing out her middle finger.

Meatball laughed, putting her phone down. “She’s growing on me,” she said to Nina, who was behind a laptop, trying to fix some finance sheets with Josh. Nina looked at her fondly. Brooke had been trying to stare less at her, but sometimes it was just impossible.

They kept working, the conversation switching back an forth between the most stupid things and important matters regarding the association. As the night progressed, people started to leave, but Brooke stayed put. There were still too many flyers to cut up, and besides, she had nowhere else she’d rather be.

“Look at this,” said Nina at some point, sitting beside her on the couch to show a video on her phone. It was of a couple dancing at their wedding. The camera only focused on the couple for one second, however, before zooming in on a little girl standing with the crowd wearing a hulk mask and a cute, flowery dress. It was so funny, and they watched it too many times.

“Every time I come to your house I have to put on waterproof mascara,” said Brooke, dabbing at the corner of her eyes.

Nina chuckled. “You could not put mascara at all, you know.” Brooke gasped, overdramatically, making Nina laugh even harder. “I don’t get it, honestly. You’re so pretty, why do you do all that?”

“You think I’m all that pretty precisely because I do all that,” said Brooke, trying to play down how flustered the comment actually made her. She noticed they were alone in the apartment now, not knowing how she could’ve missed it. Her heart went crazy.

“Yeah, right,” said Nina, leaning her elbow on the back of the couch. “I’m sure you’re just a monster without lipstick on.”

Brooke shook her head, not knowing what to say. She liked wearing makeup, but lately she had been thinking maybe she relied too heavily on it. It was a work in progress. In any case, she couldn’t just not try to look her best whenever she was seeing Nina. Because if she wasn’t beautiful, then what was she?

“Beauty is all I have,” said Brooke, focused on the paper she was working on.

“What are you talking about?” said Nina. “Brooke you’re not just beautiful, you’re so much more than that.”

“I know.” Brooke smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Thanks,” she completed, hoping that would be the end of it.

“Hey,” said Nina softly, taking the scissors and paper from Brooke’s hand and putting it away. “Talk to me.”

There were tears in the corner of Brooke’s eyes. Fuck. “It’s nothing, I’m fine. I just used to be so obsessed with standards, you know? Thought it was so important, and it’s not. But it’s what I am, right?” she shrugged. “I’m pretty. I’m not particularly smart, or kind, or-” Nina looked so beautiful today, her hair let down and her pink strands recently retouched. Her eyes were searching Brooke’s so kindly it was overwhelming.

“Who let you believe that? That’s not true, Brooke. You’re all of those things.”

It was so hard not to believe Nina. “I sort of like this girl, and I’ve never felt like this before. It’s like I didn’t know my heart was frozen until she took it in her hands and warmed it up, and now I’m so much better because of her.” Brooke sighed. She didn’t know what she was doing, but now she was talking and she couldn’t stop. “But she’s so amazing, she just deserves better than me. Way better.”

“Brooke,” said Nina, kindly, taking her hand. God, Brooke liked her so much. “Don’t tell me you don’t know the effect you have on people, I’m sure whoever this girl is she’d be so lucky to have you.”

“No, you don’t get it,” said Brooke, getting up, suddenly frustrated. “It’s not just about sex, okay? Yeah, I want her, but it’s not just that.”

“That’s good, it’s great! So tell her! Wait, is she straight?”

“No,” Brooke chuckled at the absurdity of it.

“Oh, good. So tell her! Brooke, you’re an amazing person, you deserve love.”

Brooke looked at her. She was up now too, looking like it didn’t even cross her mind that this girl could be herself. If it did, maybe she wouldn’t be saying these things.

“Yeah, maybe I will,” lied Brooke. “Thanks, Nina.”

Nina hugged her. Brooke closed her eyes, resisting the urge to bury her nose in her neck.

“Who is it?” asked Nina, pulling back. “Do I know her?”

Brooke shook her head, panicking.

“If we ever cross by her you have to tell me!” she was holding both of Brooke’s hands now, smiling at her. “Who could’ve gotten you so hard? I’m so curious!”

She looked so happy for her, so excited that Brooke had told her this. She probably wouldn’t let this go, would keep encouraging Brooke and being the wonderful friend she usually was. How painful would that be, watch Nina give her pep talk after pep talk while Brooke kept lying to her? Brooke didn’t think she could stand it.

“It’s you,” Brooke blurted out, watching as Nina’s smile faltered. She pulled her hands back, regretting it, regretting it so much.

“Huh? Oh, you’re just messing with me,” said Nina with a weird half-smile, swatting at Brooke’s arm.

Brooke smiled weakly. “I wish.” She looked away, trying to locate her bag. “Maybe it’s better if I just leave. Yeah, I can take some of these flyers and finish them at home,” she was already in motion to pick things up when Nina’s arm on hers stopped her.

“I don’t get it. You’re serious?” Nina sounded so confused. Brooke couldn’t look at her.

“Yes,” she said it looking down, daring to turn back to Nina only after a beat, meeting her frown and her beautiful eyes with a curtain of doubt in front of them.

“But I’m-” she didn’t finish, but Brooke could see the insecurities in her expression. She was confused, wary, and thinking things that did not belong in her head.

“You’re beautiful. So beautiful. And I don’t mean just on the inside.” Brooke took a step closer, against her better judgment. Nina was the same height as her, but suddenly it felt like she was shorter, smaller. “The way I feel about you, it’s-” she took a deep breath, lost for a moment in Nina’s eyes.

“Don’t play with me. This isn’t funny.”

“You don’t have to like me back, Nina, it’s okay. Really, I promise you. But please, don’t doubt that I do.” Brooke’s emotions were all over the place. She kind of wanted to hide, but at the same time, she couldn’t move.

“Have you been listening to me?” Nina’s voice was low, and she took a step closer, making Brooke’s breath hitch in her throat. Her hand went up to touch Brooke’s jaw, shakingly. Brooke’s eyes closed in their own accord, and she could feel Nina getting even closer. “Look at me.”

Brooke did, and she was so close. She almost couldn’t believe this was happening. Nina’s eyes focused down on her lips and suddenly Brooke’s mind was too cloudy to think anymore. She just reached up, framing Nina’s face before she closed the gap and brought their lips together.

Nina immediately pulled her closer, pressing their bodies against each other’s, and Brooke felt a shiver run down her spine. She heard a faint moan escaping her throat as her hands slid down Nina’s face to reach her neck, the kiss deepening as their tongues found one another’s, Nina’s hand moving to tangle in Brooke’s hair, her blunt nails raking her scalp deliciously.

Brooke arched against her, wanting to get closer, closer, so much so that Nina stepped back. It made their bodies be too far apart, and Brooke stepped closer again. They were so lost in it that they didn’t realize they were right next to the couch, and as Nina tried to walk back one more time, this time keeping a hand firm on Brooke’s back, her leg hit the couch and she stumbled down, taking Brooke with her.

They fell gracelessly on the cushions, Brooke on top of Nina, her face so close to her breasts that she felt dizzy. Nina started to laugh, her hand still in Brooke’s hair. Brooke laughed too, sitting up and taking in Nina’s swollen lips, faintly stained by Brooke’s lipstick. She couldn’t even fathom how she could have ever thought that Nina was less than gorgeous.

Brooke probably wasn’t smiling anymore, too entranced, and Nina sat up straight too. She looked insecure again, but Brooke didn’t even want to entertain it, and just leaned in to kiss her again. It was softer this time, and Nina sighed into it. Brooke moved to kiss her neck, sucking lightly at the skin and relishing in her smell. God, she’d pictured this so many times.

Nina’s hand was in her hair again, and Brooke was getting too hot. But this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. “I want to take you on a date,” said Brooke, leaning back to look at her face, not without some effort.

Nina smiled. “Yeah,” she nodded, capturing Brooke’s lips again. Her hand slid down Brooke’s side, slipping into Brooke’s shirt to grip her waist. Brooke thought she was going to combust.

“Wait,” said Brooke, breathless. “I don’t wanna rush into anything, I was serious when I said this wasn’t just about sex, Nina, I want to do this right.”

She was interrupted by Nina’s chuckle. “I’m sorry,” said Nina, covering her mouth. “You’re just so cute, protecting my honor.” She caressed Brooke’s cheek. She called Brooke cute. No big deal. “Let’s go slow then. But just to be clear, it’s not on my account.”

Nina wanted her. Brooke’s vagina was screaming at her right now, begging her to listen to reason. “So, if we, hm… You wouldn’t think I was using you?”

Nina looked a little taken aback. “This is fucking surreal,” she mumbled. “No, of course not.”

“Alright then.” Brooke was back on Nina’s neck in an instant, drawing a half-laughter, half-moan from her. Brooke could feel her clit practically setting off fireworks. She let her hands wander to cup Nina’s breasts over her clothes and God, she was so gay.

“Bed,” breathed Nina, and they scrambled to get up.

Nina pressed Brooke against a wall for a few minutes before they could reach her bedroom, kissing her silly while groping her ass, and Brooke couldn’t do anything but hold on.

–

Brooke loved curves, and Nina’s were the best she ever saw, let alone touch. Her breasts were a heavenly gift, and Brooke was sure she would never get tired of putting her mouth on them, nuzzling them, making them home. But Nina was soon squirming too much, and she moved on, kissing down her soft stomach, letting her hands trails down the curve of her waist and hips, massaging her thighs as her tongue worked past her belly button.

She groped Nina’s inner thighs, and the girl opened her legs for her. Brooke looked up as she let her thumbs graze the juncture between Nina’s thighs and her crotch, watching her breath hitch and her hands grip the sheets. Brooke stroked Nina’s folds teasingly, letting her eyes roam over her body as she did so. She dipped her fingers between them, finding wetness and heat, and kept stroking as she watched Nina’s hooded eyes close and her heavy breathing become tiny moans as her body waved against Brooke’s hand.

Brooke surged up to kiss her, straddling her thigh as her hand kept going, now drawing wide circles around her clit. Nina pulled her close, trying to kiss back and grope Brooke but getting sided-tracked by her own pleasure, letting out huffs of breath and stopping her hands mid-movement as she just felt.

Brooke was rutting against her leg, holding back her own moans as her fingers worked with increased precision on Nina’s clit. It was getting harder and harder for Nina to keep from making any noise, and Brooke never felt prouder of herself. She moved to suck on Nina’s neck, her own rutting growing more intense.

“Don’t stop,” whispered Nina with a sinful, delicious moan, tugging on Brooke’s hair. It was so hot Brooke thought she would end up coming first, but Nina kept moaning and with a few more strokes she came, arching out of the bed and opening her mouth in a perfect “o,” a guttural sound escaping her throat.

Brooke touched her through it, keeping it firm and slow, watching her face as she rode her orgasm. Once Nina opened her eyes again, Brooke retrieved her hand and kissed her, feeling Nina’s hand snake down her body to slot in between her legs, stroking Brooke hard and fast while they kissed. It didn’t take long at all for Brooke to come too, biting Nina’s lip and convulsing over her body, one hand holding Nina’s juicy tit in a deadly grip.

Brooke collapsed down on the bed, a smile planted on her lips that she was sure was never going away. Nina snuggled against her, resting her head on her chest and throwing an arm over her waist. Brooke started combing through her hair, sleep creeping up on her. Nina’s smell was intoxicating, and she closed her eyes, dozing off while thinking that she definitely could get used to this.

–

“HI, DIVA.”

Brooke was already working on the sewing machine when Nina arrived for the workshop. She stopped pressing down the pedal to watch her and Meatball doing their tongue thing, that Brooke still didn’t get, but chuckled at every time. Then, Nina went to Sasha, kissing their cheek and exchanging a few words with them before finally walking towards Brooke.

“Hey, baby,” said Nina, giving Brooke a peck.

“Hi,” said Brooke, smiling. That’s right, she’s my girlfriend, she felt like stating, even though it was just their friends in the room with them. It had been a month, and Brooke still wasn’t over it.

Meatball made a puking sound in the background, and Nina giggled.

“Jealous much?” said Brooke, turning back to her sewing.

“Suck my dick,” said Meatball, not even bothering to look away from her computer.

“Don’t mind if I do,” said Detox, coming in the room at exactly the right time, surprising Brooke into laughter and making Meatball flush red.

[of-the-starlit-night]

Apprentice Asks - Aurex

In an attempt to finally get some info out there about my apprentice and to fill her tag, I answered this ask from. It’s long, plus I don’t know how to answer things in a short way so it’s all below the cut...

1) Which character(s) is your apprentice romancing? What attracts your apprentice to them? Asra. Uh, can everything be an answer? Seriously though, Asra has a lot that attracts Aurex. How at ease he seems in almost any scenario and he’s pretty much always cheerful. His laugh. His dimples. How caring he is. His thirst for adventure. She’s just comfortable around him. Even without romance, they are incredibly close friends and they have respect for one another and that sort of thing is incredibly important to her.

2) If your apprentice was a romanceable character in The Arcana, what would their route be like? (Feel free to be as detailed or as vague as you’d like.) Hmm, I’m not really sure. She probably wouldn’t make a good romance option since she’s more of a slow-burn type of person and there isn’t any time for that in the game. In the most vague sense, her route would have magic, light-hearted teasing, and plenty of flirting and fluff.

3) How does your apprentice take their coffee? Do they even drink coffee? If not, what do they drink instead to put pep in their step? Aurex prefers drinking tea of any variety. Her foray into coffee territory has gone no further than café mochas and that’s as far as it’s going.

4) If your apprentice was attending a potluck, what would they take as their contribution? Either potstickers (favorite food) or cookies (favorite thing to bake).

5) What are some of your apprentice’s minor and major fears? What’s the best way to comfort them when afraid? - Minor fear – Aurex is somewhat afraid of rivers since it’s how she lost her parents. Other water is fine, just no rivers. - Major fear – I’m going to be really uncreative and say never regaining her memories. She hates being the one to know the least about herself.

Physical contact is the best way to comfort her. She likes if someone holds her hand or wraps her up in their arms.

6) Does your apprentice enjoy dressing up or would they prefer to just wear what’s comfortable? She enjoys dressing up. But Aurex thinks that dressing up and comfort don’t have to be mutually exclusive. Dressing up be damned if heels are involved though, that’s where she draws the line.

7) Is your apprentice happy with their physical appearance? If so, do they flaunt it? If not, what do they want to change? Aurex doesn’t flaunt it in an obnoxious way, but she is happy with her appearance and takes pride in it.

8) What would your apprentice want as a birthday gift? Jewelry. It is guaranteed to be a no-fail gift for Aurex and she is of the mind that one cannot have too many baubles so there’s no such thing as receiving too many gifts of jewelry either. Other things that would work are books and literally anything that someone said made them think of her because she’s a sap like that. Honestly, you could give the girl a pair of socks that you said made you think of her for whatever reason and she’d love them to pieces.

9) What is your apprentice’s natural stress response (fight, flight, or freeze) and how does that influence their actions when confronted with a stressful situation? Do they recover from stress quickly or does it affect them for hours afterward? Either fight or flight, which is literally what she has done in the story so far. (Attacking Julian and trying to gtfo Lucio’s chambers.) Though I feel like she might lean towards fight in most scenarios as she likes to deal with things head-on instead of ignoring it. How quickly she recovers depends on the situation. Scary things will linger for a while, other things she gets over pretty quickly.

10) What’s the first thing someone is likely to notice about your apprentice when meeting them for the first time? Do they have any other quirks that set them apart? Strictly appearance-wise it would be her eyes. Her hair is cut into blunt bangs that end just above her eyes plus the precisely drawn black liner draws attention to her golden eyes. Second thing would be her tattoos and the amount of jewelry on one body. Otherwise, people notice that she comes across as very comfortable in her own skin.

11) How does your apprentice act when meeting new people? Are they outgoing, shy, awkward, aloof? Do they like being the center of attention? Aurex is warm and friendly when first meeting new people. And even though she doesn’t know them, she makes people feel like she genuinely cares about them by giving them her attention. There isn’t much desire in her to be the center of attention, except when she’s dancing, so she’s completely okay with being on the sidelines.

12) How does you apprentice treat people in positions of authority? Does your apprentice believe they deserve respect just because of their position/status? She believes there is some level of respect due based on position/status. But there is also a point where no matter your status, if you’re being a dick and can’t be bothered to show respect to others then she has no respect for you. Aurex can’t stand bullies.

13) Your apprentice sees someone who is very obviously wealthy accidentally drop a small pouch of coins. What do they do? If it happened now, she would return it without a thought. However, when she was a street rat Aurex would have been conflicted but would have ultimately returned it and hoped they gave her a few coins in return. She avoided outright stealing if at all possible, due to leftover teachings from her parents still ingrained in her.

14) What was your apprentice’s reaction to Julian’s speech on the docks in Book VII? How did they deal with it afterwards? So, this one is a little tricky since while I play through his and Nadia’s route as Aurex, I don’t ship her with either of them so it’s merely informational for me. That being said, when I did play it I went with the “Fine, I’ll leave” option for Aurex and later the “I don’t want to talk about it”. Honestly, Aurex wouldn’t have been all that torn up about the break up since she keeps her heart fairly guarded and it takes her a while to develop any significant feelings worth being upset over. Plus, she would have been like “We weren’t together?” So, obviously that pretty much goes against everything in that part of the chapter.

15) How does your apprentice feel about sharing a bed with Asra in the shop? Short answer is Aurex likes sharing a bed with someone, especially Asra. She sleeps better when there’s another person nearby. Long answer is prior to finding out they share a bed I had been under the assumption that they had separate beds, so now I just blend canon with my now headcanon which is: They used to share a bed early on when Aurex needed the supervision, help, or whatever when Asra was helping rehabilitate her. But much like he needs to go on trips to hide his feelings from Aurex, he started to sleep in the small bed tucked into the back workroom when it became too much. But they still do share a bed on a fairly regular basis. Every time he comes back from one of his trips, they fall asleep together without fail after talking about it. Sometimes they just fall asleep while talking or practicing magic, not to mention naps, so it’s not really a structured thing. There are times when Aurex sleeps alone and times where she shares with Asra.

16) Does your apprentice enjoy the luxury of the palace and Nadia’s gifts or do they find it overwhelming? Both simultaneously. She enjoys splurging on frivolous pretty things occasionally and Nadia gives her pretty things so that’s great. It’s overwhelming in the sense that those gifts cost way more than she could ever afford, and the luxury of the palace is more than anything she is used to.

17) How does your apprentice react when confronted with the creature from the abandoned wing in Asra and/or Nadia’s routes in Book VII? What’s going through their head at the time? Afraid. Aurex remembers what happened to her the last time she encountered Lucio, which was not fun. And now he admits knowing her and seems to be looking for her, so it freaks her out. She can’t help but wonder if he’s been lurking around when she can’t see him.

18) How does your apprentice feel about Consul Valerius? Going with the fact that in her canon she has had only one encounter with him, she pretty much hates the man at this point. During the wine fiasco, he spilled it on Senka, so that was more than enough for her to take issue with him. Don’t mess with her familiar.

19) Is there a song or songs that you associate with your apprentice?  I actually have a playlist that was originally supposed to be for her, but it has now just morphed into an Aurex/Asra playlist and I regret nothing. Anyway, I have “IDGAF” by Dua Lipa. (Whose singing voice happens to be Aurex’s VC.) “IDGAF” has 1000% to do with her shitty ex. Oh, and “Freak Like Me” by NoMBe and “Dance” by POWERS, but only because I feel like she would like those songs, they don’t actually have any special meaning.

20) Is your apprentice friends with any other fan apprentices? My friend, @asrathemagician, and I often talk about our apprentices being friends and what not, so Noctis and Aurex are indeed friends. But hey, if any of you want our apprentices to be friends, go for it. Aurex is super friendly. You more than have my blessing.

[cryptoriawebb]

Dead Men Tell No Tales: review

What the hell, gotta start somewhere.

When I first heard about this movie, I initially wrote it off. The Pirates of the Caribbean franchise has been around for so long and unlike, say, the Marvel Cinematic Universe or even the X-men films (of which I am personally partial to) they haven’t made any particular, long-standing mark, beyond Jack Sparrow as a character himself. That, and I wasn’t particularly impressed with On Stranger Tides. The story, I felt at the time, had wrapped up enough there needn’t be any further sequels, and standalone films (because that is what it felt like) seemed like nothing more than an excuse to keep pumping merchandise and Depp working in Hollywood.

However. I admit I have not seen On Stranger Tides since its release in 2011. I’m thinking I may go back and rewatch the entire saga, see if my overall opinion changes. I quite liked the first film, particularly the horrific angles and that it drew primary inspiration from a theme park attraction. When I heard this fifth installment was supposed to echo the first one in tone and supernatural involvement, I began to change my mind about writing it off. Then I saw the most recent trailer, a trailer that not only included Orlando Bloom, whom I assumed, along with Keira Knightly, left the franchise to pursue other opportunities, but Will and Elizabeth’s son. I admit, I’m a sucker for family relationship and tragic stories, and while yes, I would have been fine with leaving things At World’s End, a small part of me has always wondered what happened to the Turners after. Truthfully, I think I might have preferred a film focusing more on Bloom and less on Jack Sparrow; Jack’s…a unique eccentric, but as I said, I’m a sucker for tragedy.

Before I go any further I’d like to point out I tend to be anal about continuity. However many years apart these films are (any franchise, actually) they’re all telling one long story and things ought to flow as smoothly as possible. So I was a little confused, watching young Henry’s interaction with his father. If I remember correctly, Will could only return to land once every ten years, and the third film ended with the Dutchman sailing towards them. I may be wrong about that last part but I know for sure there was a ten year waiting period before reunion. So was this the first meeting between father and son? It didn’t seem that way, but the dialogue between them felt so melodramatic I couldn’t tell for sure. I’d like to think maybe it wasn’t, maybe Henry spent some months after meeting his father for the first time studying the Dutchman and mythology so he could find him at sea. Maybe along the lines of ‘finally meeting your father, seeing how much he cared for his family and how painful it was to say goodbye’ or something.

I blame the script more on Bloom’s delivery than the words themselves. I mean, they weren’t…the most original, reminded me of a soap opera, really, but there just didn’t seem to be any spark from Bloom, little or no energy. I don’t know if that was intentional or not but it kind of dampened what could have been a really dramatic moment. Ten years spent cursed among the dead…separated from your family against your will, that’s a lot to work with. I will say the boy who played Henry did a decent job capturing that urgent determination. I only wish it were reciprocated…

I’m not going to lie, part of me hoped, purely from a story perspective, Elizabeth had died. I think it might have added a little more to Henry’s character in adulthood; at the same time, I really did want to see the family reunited and I wasn’t expecting Knightly to appear, which might be why I informed my initial opinion. Off-screen mentions without appearance weakens a character’s intensity.

Honestly, I don’t have as much to say, scene-by-scene. Much of the film ran as most of in this franchise do: ludicrous schemes by Jack and his crew, chases and impromptu/chaotic character introductions, Barbossa’s sudden appearance, even the eerie sorcerous-types.  Don’t get me wrong, the story itself contained elements I didn’t see coming; I’m referring to the overall method of delivery—the journey itself as opposed to the stops along the way.

I do want to mention Salazar before I forget. His opening scene was fantastic and probably my favorite moment in the film. It was, and such a tease. I’d hoped by the way he looked and carried himself I was in for a really dark, horrific ride. Instead, that promise fell a bit flat in favor of quirky inflection and sexual innuendo. I will give the movie points for blending both the dark and humor well together: I’ve seen a few movies over the last couple of years fail spectacularly in this regard. And I also admit my inclinations for the spooky really are more personal preference than anything implied by promotion. It has been a few years since I’ve seen the first movie; it may not be quite as dark or scary as I remember, older as I am now.

Back to Salazar…he was by far my favorite part of the film. Yes, I have seen a lot of villains driven half-mad by revenge, but he held a kind of captivating power about him when on-screen. I couldn’t look away. Normally I’m not the biggest fan of computer-generated effects over the practical but it worked really well for Salazar and his crew. His face, his hair…when he first introduced himself as death I genuinely thought he might be. I would certainly by Death having a vendetta against Jack. He escaped…twice now? Technically? Although not without help, if I’m remembering correctly. Going back to effects, I was absolutely fascinated by he and his crew: you could tell even before the backstory they walked exactly as they died—his hair mimicking the water he drowned in I didn’t catch until the flashback but damn…such a cool effect. I do also want to point out what practical effects there were though. Salazar’s mouth—really all their mouths. I watched a bonus feature included in the first film some years ago that went in detail about applying ‘pirate teeth’ to the actors. I’m sure methods have changed over the years, but it’s no less interesting. Oh, and the black blood, or whatever it was…that was truly horrifying. I loved it. Salazar was by far my favorite character in this film and in my opinion, its one notable highlight.

Praise aside, I’m not sure introducing a new villain in the ‘final’ film was the best decision. It hurts me to say it because again, I loved Salazar, but I really think bringing someone back, someone the audience saw perish on one of Jack’s adventures, someone who blamed him or perhaps actively pursued and failed to capture/stop/kill him, might have added emotional weight. I had read there was speculation regarding Norrington’s return; I personally would have preferred this. He really came into his own as a character and serves as a prime example of what getting involved with Jack Sparrow can do. To see him undead and commanding a power he never possessed in life would have been so…I don’t want to say horrifying again but it would have. Especially a reunion with Barbossa!

Don’t get me wrong, I do think there is importance and significance in delving into Jack’s past. We see a lot of who Jack is and hear of what he’s done but we never see who he was and what made him the way he is. Though Jack isn’t my favorite character I know he’s the heart of this franchise and he deserves development, too. He’s constantly called ‘the worst pirate [I’ve] ever heard of.’ And that’s true, he really isn’t a good pirate…but he carries with him the essence of someone who once was. He still sees himself as this great, untouchable captain and I bet that’s why he’s stepped in so many times and prevented a lot of awful things from happening. That, and I’m sure some part of him cares about the people he’s with (which in hindsight may be why some people see him as a poor excuse for a pirate.) I don’t know…this isn’t meant to be a character study. Just some things to think about.

While not entirely necessary I did find it cool, seeing how Jack achieved much of his iconic attire. And where the compass came from…although I can’t for the life of me remember why it’s tied to the Devil’s Triangle. I really should have rewatched the other movies beforehand.

As far as the other new characters, I was pleasantly impressed. I worried I’d see copies of Will and Elizabeth in Henry and Carina; while there were small nods here and there both stood out as individuals, Carina especially. I was afraid she’d follow the same trend several female protagonists seem to suffer from lately; namely, a staple for female empowerment and nothing more. Thankfully, she wasn’t. Yes, she was strong-willed and stubborn but so is most everyone in this franchise and those traits are not at all signs of surefire propaganda. Adding astronomy/horology to her character also helped her stand out; I haven’t seen a character in the PotC world yet really touch on it, and it’s such a fascinating concept, at least to me, in historical fiction. Before the world of google and apple maps, there were stars. And people who could read them as easily as Siri can our phones fascinate me.

Loved her banter with Henry, too. It was cute, playful but not without that stubbornness on both ends. I’m usually adverse to the whole ‘love interest’ subplot; there’s hardly enough time in movies and during ones that move ahead, rarely any chemistry. I didn’t mind these two, even though I expected it. I think that lively, friendly spirit between them helped: they felt a lot more like equals than a lot of other romances I’ve seen on-screen lately. Speaking of the on-screen experience, I did not at all expect her to be Barbossa’s daughter. I’ve seen enough movies now I can usually predict most twist and turns; I didn’t at all see this coming. That was a pleasant surprise, especially when so much else about this film carried an almost fatigued familiarity. I did enjoy it, and I would probably go see it again, if only to see if there’s more to pick up, but it never once heightened the stakes beyond what this series has come to be known for. That, in my opinion, was probably the greatest tragedy.

Going back to the characters, because I’ve still more to say, I’m repeatedly amazed how Barbossa’s character continues to develop. In my personal opinion, he stands out the most because of it. Looking back on where he came from in the first film to now…there’s a real, honest heart and realness to him—you really feel what he feels and I was genuinely saddened by his death. I know someone had to die—someone usually does in ‘final’ chapters but I really wish it hadn’t been Barbossa.  I think some of this is definitely attributed to Geoffrey Rush, but some of it, too, to the script and direction. When he learned the truth about Carina, you could really see and feel what he felt; this continued in every scene following her but didn’t disrupt the pirate he was. Rather, I think it allowed another side only previously glimpsed to come out. Not just in previous films, but this one, too. I find it really interesting, and maybe clever, now, that he’s introduced as this lavish, temperamental ruler of the high seas. One might get the implication he’s become shallow, callous and full of himself, but this begins to change as his men begin to die and you discover more has changed than first assumed.

I really do wish Jack had been given an arc like Barbossa. Maybe not a surprise child, but something that drew more from him than his eccentricities. Although…one might argue the drunk, down on his luck pirate is development in of himself. We’ve seen Jack at his high points, but he isn’t where he was anymore and I wonder if the alcohol and insistence on tribute and whatnot are an attempt to cling to that greatness he once held…I digress. I would have liked to see more. Especially if this is the final installment. Jack is back on top again, but I’m not…entirely sure he earned it? If that makes any sense. He felt a lot more like a passenger in this film, an observer as opposed to an active participant. Strange, given the villain’s primary motives. In that regard, it is interesting when comparing him to Barbossa. At the start of the first film, they were in opposite positions. I mean Jack didn’t rule the high seas but he carried himself with an air that implied he believed it.

That sums up most of what I had to say. There are a few loose ends, however:

1)      Why did no one age? Hollywood has this bizarre notion we can just pretend however many years have passed despite no one except the young characters aging. I don’t buy it, and I don’t like it. Barbossa was the only one I felt who looked older, but only just. I would have liked to see Jack with a bit of gray in his hair, or Elizabeth with a few more lines. I’m fine with Will not aging, it makes sense for his character and it’s kind of interesting to think about: he’s spent so long aboard that ship, so long trapped in his cursed state while his son’s grown up…and for Will, physically, it’s like almost no time has passed at all.

2)      I’m glad Gibbs is back. He’s always been my favorite member of Jack’s crew. I did, however, miss those two goofy pirates. I forget their names, but one of them had a glass/wooden eye. They were always such fun characters and I can’t for the life of me remember what happened to them at the end of the last film (third film?)

3)      Paul McCartney! Didn’t recognize him until afterwards. I enjoyed the exchange, but I admit, that little scene confused me; I wondered if Uncle Jack had been mentioned or seen before. Now I understand.

4)      Did Barbossa know about the triton the whole time? Did he really believe it and study the location? I can’t remember.

5)      That possession scene was not nearly as freaky as it could have been. Salazar seemed so assured the Triton would fix everything it kind of killed its encompassing awe. There should have been more emotional weight and it should have lasted longer. I think that would have helped heighten the stakes. Everything in this movie was ‘a little of this, a little of that.’ Sampling but never having a full dish to yourself.

6)      I would have loved to see Poseidon. He’s one of my favorite Greek gods...although I doubt he’d actually look remotely Greek, but that’s another personal thing. I’m wondering if we’ll see him in a later film, now that his triton’s been destroyed. Or maybe he and the other gods have long since vanished—it kind of seems that way, with Calypso being a remaining oddity. Maybe the triton is a lone remaining artifact. Although I’m still surprised there wasn’t more protecting it. I can appreciate a different angle, although I think it hurt any direness the climax might have held.

7)      Speaking of the gods, do their curses remain in place, with the triton broken? That was never made clear…I hope so. I love the mythos of the sea and if this isn’t the last movie I’d like to see it brought back in some way. It’s always (well, once I got over my crush on Jack) been my biggest draw.

8)      What happened to Bootstrap Bill? Did he not board land with Will at the end of the film? Are we to assume he did even though we didn’t see it? Given the parallels between generations of fathers and sons, I’d hoped we’d see something more of him.

9)      Speaking of Will’s return, I did tear up a little but I felt Bloom’s acting fell flat, again. I really hope that’s just me though. I loved Will’s character arc and if there is another film I hope it follows the buzz I’ve heard so far: focusing on him and his son. Provided Orlando’s up for it, of course. I don’t want to sit through two and a half something hours of him half-assing it.

10)   Didn’t expect Keira’s cameo either. That was really touching.

11)   Davy Jones????? Is he back? Wikipedia (yes, Wikipedia) said the Triton freed him from Calypso. I’m wondering if that means curses set upon by gods remain unaffected by the triton. It would explain that slimy, tentacle-silhouette. But if he has returned, then why? How? Is he the last cursed creature of the sea? What does he have against Will, now? And will there be another movie?

12)   Less a critique and more personal wishlist:  I wanted more skeleton pirates. I don’t know how or why, but I wanted them. Really bring everything full circle although I have no idea how you’d bring it back. Maybe Salazar succeeds in ‘killing’ Jack or something but the Triton’s power gets in the way? I have no idea. That final battle in the first film was so memorable I really wanted to see something similar. I also wanted to see the Dutchman in action. The sea was literally parted, how cool would it be to see that ship swimming alongside one wall?

I really need to rewatch these movies. So many unanswered questions! I can’t believe I’m getting excited about PotC again…never thought that would happen in a million years.

[enemymine2000]

Fandom rambles: Destiel

Random disclaimer: I am late to the party, but I'm only just now trying to catch up on Supernatural. I have binge-watched as much as I could the last couple of months and right now I'm at 11.17, so roughly only a season left to finally catch up with y'all. Therefore I don't actually know what's going on in canon right now, apart from the random gif-set or meta. I don't tend to spoil myself willingly (too much). Random dislcaimer to the disclaimer: I tweaked the programmed fall of Castiel a little bit after I finally caught up with the show. (YEAH!) Meaning I added “a bit” to the text, but my argument still holds despite Chuck being kind of a douchenoodle. I also clarified some of my ramblings, while I added to others. Wild ETAs appear, but since I couldn’t catch them all, I haven’t identified them all. So basically I re-wrote some of it without actually changing my hypothesis.

That being said…

In my mind Destiel low-key exists in canon. It's not only the fact that it is always especially acknowledged in the more meta episodes – as much as I love Sam's fascination with the subject. But simply the way the show is actually written.

There was the line spoken by Sam, while Dean had his focus completely on bringing down the Leviathans, that went something like: “Are you looking at porn or are you exclusively into dicks now.” The casual viewer laughs it off as a nice pun on the name of main villain Dick Roman, but underlying is Sam's acknowledgment of the fact that his brother very well might not be totally straight either.

Random discourse on sexuality: I'm totally straight, so all I know is second-hand knowledge and stuff you read and hear over the years of existence. But what I know is that bisexuality does not mean that you can't have a predominately type or gender for that matter.

So us only seeing Dean's female conquests doesn't automatically negate any chance of him being bi. As well as him obviously favoring female Asian porn.

I mean, come on. I'm a straight woman, but I prefer to watch male gay porn. Doesn't make me a gender-bent homosexual. (Please, no wank on the nonchalance I display. Everyone does themselves, I do me.)

Sam practically always takes the chance to tease Dean about possible male/male relations when it arises. Mostly in connection to the Winchester Gospels/Supernatural fan fiction they come across and practically always in regards to Cas.

Little brothers always know best, I'd say.

So I take that as as much verbal confirmation we'll ever get, unless the show mans up and gets The CW to back down on their “please, no homo for main characters”-policy. Which, come on, Supernatural got an early renewal for season 13, they could really start to give us a treat.

Anyway… It was established very early on in the Cas' storyline, that the angel Castiel and the Righteous Man, Dean, share a most profound bond. Something beyond everything Castiel feels for anyone else, except maybe Chuck himself – but that is practically his operating system and doesn't really count as changeable feeling. I heard even Lucifer still loved Daddy dearest deep down in his blackest of hearts and by Chuck he really tried not to. So operating system it is.

Castiel having that deep of a bond with Dean is not part of that. In fact it even interferes with all orders he gets from Heaven in his first two seasons.

He is not meant to get attached, but he is and it slowly but surely changes his basic programming. He comes to love humankind in a way that practically no angel since allegedly Lucifer has done. He starts to understand them on a basic level even while still being a celestial being roughly the size of the Chrysler building.

Castiel falls without actually falling from Heaven. And even when he later gets caught and reprogrammed by Naomi, his attachment to Dean wins over his new orders. This bond runs deeper than his connection to Heaven and even his faith in his father, the two fundamental pillars of his very existence. Nothing should be able to beat that, but his connection and feelings for Dean do. Again and again.

Which is something that in my opinion can't be stated enough. The angel Castiel was a good soldier. The leader of his garrison. He was trusted and in return he had blind faith in the cause of Heaven.

The soldier fell because of one human man.

No matter his role in prophecy, at the end of the day Dean is nothing but a pathetic, weak human man. Functional alcoholic with enough issues to pay the bills for all of New York's psychiatrists. (I've heard there are a lot of them.) A guy, who as much as he loves his brother, he doesn't even fully trust him. Not enough to tell him that he is screwed up after his stint in Hell anyway. And it gets only worse as the seasons progress.

A man who doesn't even believe in God's plan when confronted with the proof of its existence. Ironically by meeting Chuck himself, but hey, a God does what a God has to do, right.

And here it is, something I think is highly overlooked when it comes to the discussion of whether or not Destiel might be real, going canon or what-not. The fact that Chuck not only knew about Castiel falling, but it was part of His very own plan. Castiel needed to fall for the Winchester Gospels, which were practically the Word of God – without anyone knowing at that point, okay, but still – to play out as intended. (ETA: As much as the Apocalypse in Supernatural had been engineered by leader-less, bored angels, its happening has been foretold for close to 2000 years, I guess from the prophecy of John until today, so even without the Winchester Gospels a Righteous Man was foretold to break the first seal, so there always needed to be an angel to raise the Righteous Man out of Hell - innocent soul after all. For the ultimate fight in the Apocalypse the Angel Breeding Program always watched over the bloodlines which would bring forth the perfect vessels for Lucifer and Michael and always needed to make sure to keep the vessels alive as long as there was no replacement/next generation ready. Meaning of course somekind of guardian angel. Lucky Cas, he just was doomed from the start, when the bored upper echelon jump-started the Apocalypse program. Because of course he was chosen (? - programmed?) to raise the Righeous Man, who just happened to be Dean freaking Winchester, Michael’s perfect vessel. The Upper Echelon and The Angel Breeding Program obviously were never good in keeping each other informed. Which is why Chuck hadn’t expected Castiel to be there, despite the Winchester Gospel - the amended version of the original prophecy. When Chuck still was on top of everything Heaven, those mistakes simply didn’t happen and therefore even God himself could not foresee Castiel taking an active part in the Apocalypse - with the rebellion so to speak. But Chuck definitevly foretold, aided and abetted even, the rebellion and hoped to himself to stop his own program, for it was not meant to go off that early. And he really couldn’t have his angels running roughshod over his plans, especially while He still enjoyed his creation. As a nice little compensation for stopping the unstoppable, Chuck rebuild Castiel after Lucifer was back in the cage. But the angel was already infected with the Winchester-virus and still screwed, which at this point Chuck must have known, even when he still didn’t overly care for his “son” and whatever would happen with Heaven going forwards.)

So since Chuck in Supernatural, despite all his flaws, still is an all powerful and omniscient being, it de facto was God's Will for Castiel turning his wings on Heaven for Dean's sake. (ETA: Him knowing and not changing things in this case means “God’s Will”. We can not assume not knowing, since Chuck turned up for “Supernatural - The Musical”. We know he did not care until it was actually kind of too late - if it wasn’t for the Winchesters - and threatened His own being for once. So if He knew and did not change things, it implied His Will, even if only by omission of doing something else.) He might not have known about the clusterfuck Heaven produced due to jump-starting the program, but he did not change the course history would take after by running an anti-virus program against human emotions through Castiel when he rebuild the latest version he had transformed into. The version that going forward had the free will to go against Heaven and therefore laying the groundwork for the literal fall of all angel-kind. (Something that He still, to the best of my knowledge has not fixed. So all angels still depend on the stairway to Heaven, Cas is so far gone down the human route, he practically is human inside. So whatever clusterfuck “of cosmic proportions” happens next, I blame it on Chuck for not taking the time to reorganize Heaven before He made of with Amara to wherever.)

Heavily flawed Dean Winchester - ah well, even Chuck couldn't plan out all details in advance. But the Winchester line was part of the Angel Breeding Program and therefore always meant to produce Michael’s, but with an infusion of demon-blood also Lucifer’s. And there must have been a point in history, where it was obvious to look to Dean when it came to the Righteous Man. I mean, the Upper Echelon were not one day like: “Let’s jump-start Apocalypse, who is the most likely candidate for breaking the first seal in Hell right now.” They must have known to watch for Dean, before he was taken by the hellhounds. To observe, how long he would hold out. They must have planned to have him being the Righteous Man from the moment he made that damn crossroads deal. Them not intervening on his behalf is evidence enough for that. Dean Winchester was Michael’s perfect vessel. The only possible candidate at that point. Adam was not a product of the Angel Breeding Program, therefore not on their radar until the Winchester brothers discovered his existence, which was after the Apocalypse had started and Dean had already declined various attempts to have him become Michael’s meatsuit. The Angel Breeding Program was desperate, for the Apocalypse was to far advanced to delay the ultimate fight much longer and in the Upper Echelon’s need to have something happen, they missed the fact that it’s always good to have a spare. Which normally would have been Sam, but alas, demonblood infusion. A goner for Lucifer as far as they were concerned - and hence probably the only reason they were so desperate in having him stop consuming demonblood. He was too far ahead schedule for Heaven’s liking. So, having Dean be the vessel while also be the Righteous Man was not well thought out, but the Upper Echelon hazarded the consequences. They send Castiel to raise him after the First Seal was broken and kept him on his case, so the vessel would not be gone before it was its time to be used by Michael. Practically a 2-1-deal for Heaven, right? Only Dean’s main flaw is to go against the machine and beat the odds or die trying. Therefore he corrupted Castiel and formed him to be the Cas we all know and love.

All in Chuck's plan, by planing the Apocalypse and not changing the program once it was started by Heaven - although, maybe he did. We call Chuck’s books “The Winchester Gospels”, but are they still gospels, when God himself wrote the script? He sure didn’t care about everything enough anymore, but he still kind of liked just being with his creation and he definitively is a stronger being than all others, except Amara. So he could have simply changed some things to keep his creation going without outright stopping the Apocalypse - which was meant to happen anyway by him, just not that year - but in favor of Team Free Will. Or maybe he really did not care either way and had already his room prepared and was willing to wait there for whatever as long earth itself continued to exist - well, and Amara was not freed, I’m pretty sure that would have been an instant deal-breaker. Either way, Chuck’s plan. Either by action or inaction.

But, you say, what does that all make Dean and Cas necessarily into a gay romance thing. Nothing at first. But then you must also remember that Cas is a celestial being first and foremost. He is only a he, because Jimmy Novak's body turned out to be his perfect vessel. Angels are basically genderless and as Cas himself once said during his first couple of seasons, they don't judge based on gender or sexuality. It simply is what it is.

That also makes the point moot some might offer up, that Cas only ever seemed to be physically attracted to women.

For starters we have way too little data. Cas has had a boner watching hetero porn (in reaction to the babysitter or the pizza-man we don’t know) and in a pinch acted out on what he saw with Meg. That was not attraction, that was simply a life and death - try to distract them - situation. Meg being attracted to Cas is another thing altogether. But to quote Jensen on whether he ever thought about Jared in a sexual way: “Who wouldn't want to tap that!”

So the whole Clarence-schtick starts. Cas not being in his right mind at the time makes everything we might see from him, before he regains his sanity, moot. Consensual issues and all that jazz. Even for celestial beings.

Remains the one line about him having been willing to give it a try before Meg sacrifices herself. Again with the “Who wouldn't want to tap that.”

Cas genuinely came to care for that demon, who had been willing to go against everything demons stand for and help out an angel. Said demon inhabiting a nicely build body and obviously being good at kissing is not a turn-off either.

But most importantly, both knew that it would have taken a miracle for Meg to survive the coming minutes. It was their way of comforting each other and saying goodbye.

The next one we are being shown is April. Cas has now truly fallen in every imaginable way. Heaven's Gates are closed, he is without his grace and thus purely human and on the run from literally every angel there is. And all are on earth, he can't see their true faces anymore and he feels he has to protect the Winchesters by staying away after what has happened with Hael, who pretended to be on his side only to turn around and use him for her own gain.

April appears to be human and nice and one thing leads to another. Not necessarily to be taken romantically. I mean, take a look at the situation and try to imagine living it yourself.

At this point Cas is as human as he can possibly be emotionally. He is on the run, running on empty, injured and doesn't know whether there will ever be a safe place for him anywhere. He doesn't even know, where he belongs to anymore. He will always be angelic at heart – literally an eternity of being one will not be so easily erased – but he is truly human now. The Gates of Heaven are closed, so even if he somehow got his grace back, he would still be trapped on earth. Should the Gates of Heaven open again, he would not be welcomed due to his role in the Fall and his time as Godstiel.

His live is in danger from practically everyone now – humans are so much more fragile and complex as angels – his only allies are the Winchesters who are always in trouble one way or the other and really don't need all angelkind on their case too. He is hurting on all levels and there is just this one little beacon of hope called April. Doesn't hurt that she is attractive and he inhabits a hot-blooded male body, which obeys a simple programming. Eat, sleep, procreate. Repeat.

The only true interest on an emotionally level Cas shows to a woman is during his Steve days. But then again, he is new at this whole being human thing. He desperately tries to blend in and Nora seems to be genuinely kind to him.

He misreads her intentions though, for he simply doesn't know better. Nuances of human interaction are still too much to handle for the former angel. Not too forget, that he is disappointed in Dean for turning him away from the bunker.

What would you do if you literally had no one else and would wanted to fit in? You either despair or you would try to find new friends. In this scenario, you would accept the apparent invitation for a date and go with the motions. (We literally see him imitating others in that very episode, where he to goes with the motions without understanding the subtext of the interactions.)

IDean's appearance in “Steve's” town throws an emotional wedge into Cas' new life. Despite him still going through the motions, his pain is palpable. He misses being Cas, he misses Dean and it hurts him, that Dean seems to be so nonchalant about the prospect of him dating. Enter the Rit Zien, the “mercy-killer-angel” Ephraim, who comes after Cas.

That concludes the data. At least as far as I'm currently aware. Three females (at least in body) and a porn video (maybe).

Again, Cas as an angel simply has no appointed gender. No appointed sexuality. He simply does not care about such concepts. It is what it is at any given moment.

But his heart, well, that is another matter. The strongest emotions he feels when it is Dean. The strongest bond is to Dean. Dean is acknowledged in canon to be his ultimate weakness and also strength in nearly every episode Cas makes an appearance.

So saying that Cas not only loves Dean, like he would love all humankind (Chuck programmed that into his angels too), but is in love with him is not a stretch. It simply is stating a fact.

So back to Dean's point of view. There is way more data to be had canonically. But also a lot to be left to the imagination.

We hear a lot more about Dean's conquests than we do actually see them. Whenever Dean has a night in the town, so to speak, it is more alluded to the fact that he picked up a random woman than actually shown. So it could very well be, that some random men might be among the conquests.

I again might want to remind you, that Sam is completely calm about the prospect of Dean being with men. He never even hints at being uncomfortable with the thought.

I mean, I don't know about your family, but my brother, as cool and modern and open-minded as the little shit is, would still be left speechless for once if he suddenly got confronted with his sister turning to the other side. He would snap out of it very fast, but he still would have his moment of reevaluating me and our relationship, trying to figure out where he might have missed hints and stuff like that. And than the bastard would probably humorously ask if he could leave me and his girlfriend alone in one room. As I said, he can be a little shit. I love him regardless.

We see nothing of that sort from Sam. Meaning he had that moment sometime off screen, probably way back in the brother's past. Knowing John Winchester, probably not when the old man was around, but had left his sons somewhere in a motel by themselves.

Well, I've heard teenaged boys are horny as fuck and no adult supervision and only a little brother to think about… Who knows how many conquests Dean had in those dingy motels while being left behind to look after little Sammy. Who knows, maybe Dean even had to do some stuff of the sexual kind, just to keep questions at bay and Child Protective Service off their backs. (I mean come on, John was sometimes gone for weeks and two underage sons left in dingy motels without parental supervision sure raises questions and causes problems. Keyword being “dingy” here – low-lives are to be expected, societal outcasts and all the crop of the worst. And they were not so far of the grit as to have noone care either. The boys went to school, so had to probably meet the guidance counselors frequently and as much as humans are flawed, at least a couple must have cared that these boys were permanently moved around and left in motels. You get where I'm coming from.)

Dean was drilled from 4 years old to do literally everything he can to keep Sam safe. You know he would go down on his knees to blow someone if that is what it takes.

So, I think Dean thinks sex is sex, no matter the gender. No hindrance on the matter of Cas occupying a male vessel for him.

Emotionally is a different matter altogether, but that’S not because of some big gay revelation but because everything and everybody Dean loves dies. He learned that when he was 4 and his mother burned. He learned that again and again at the knee of his father, while he was taught to be Daddy’s perfect little soldier. Don’t feel for those people, just come in save them or gank them, when they are monsters. It is the family business.

Imaging living that life! Being responsible for your younger brother like a parent, being a soldier instead of a son for your father and just slightly more than a passing glance for those you meet on the road. The only one who cared for Dean’s emotional well-being was Bobby (and later that guy on that farm for wayward boys). That is not enough to learn normal human responses and emotions.

Case in point Dean chosing the family business because he saw Sam in his father’s car, when John came to take him away from that farm, instead of saying “screw you, I’d rather go to prom with my girl”. Because that would have been a normal teenage response to being left behind and then actually liking where you end up. Teenagers are self-centered. Dean is not. He is Sam-centered. All his relationships (romantic and otherwise) show that over the course of the show and it only started ro gradually change once Dean could shift some of his focus away from Sam and onto Cas.

Lisa and that girl on that farm are the only ones, Dean is shown to have allowed in deeper. But still not deep enough. He left the girl basically for Sam. He did the same with Lisa. Oh, with Lisa he says, it’s because bad things tend to follow him home and it will never stop, so he not only leaves her and Ben, but actually has himself erased from their memories. But it’s more that he can’t open himself to them fully. He can’t let them in and just assumes, they wouldn’t want in anyway with all the creepy things that wait there. He never even tells his brother that he loves him, instead having the “bitch, jerk”-ritual. No, Dean tends to keep it casual, because that is what was drilled into him by his father. The very father who lost his wife and couldn’t deal with it other than to seek revenge until the very end. No matter the consequences. Even if those were the lives of his sons. The very father, who had another son, which he also could not let in. Because what you love dies, so better not commit to such an emotion. At the other end of this we have emotionally constipated Dean, who never learned to love anybody except his brother, who lets in Cas. He trusts Cas, when he can’t even trust his own brother. Even when ruled by the Mark of Cain his trust lies with Cas. He asks him to take him down when he loses control. It is Cas he asks to care for Sam, when he can’t anymore, when he gets ready to meet his fate, when he carries the soul-bomb to Amara. The guy who says he does not do chick-flick moments has those with Cas en masse, but with no one else. Even Sam. Case in point, the aforementioned wish for Cas to put him down, when Dean still denies for a couple of more episodes getting worse to Sam. Or when meeting Cas (at that point possessed by Lucifer) in the bunker, telling him about his special connection to Amara, when he didn't tell Sam anything beyond “I met her and we didn't kill each other and that's how I landed a mile away from Baby in a field”. It took again a couple of more episodes for him to admit that to Sam and probably only because he knew he needed to, otherwise he would ruin their chance to banish the Darkness.

Dean showing his emotions for Cas in coming through for him, trusting him with his inner most thoughts and secrets, is practically his way of shouting his feelings for his angel from the rooftops. And the world, demons and angels and everything in-between, takes notice.

In conclusion:

Destiel is already canon. But it is a frustratingly slow burn. Maybe we will never been shown them as a couple for various reason – doesn't fit into the narrative, destroys the flow of the show, or the execs at the network don't want something like that on the screen – but it already is.

And the actors already play towards it.

Misha's blatantly baiting of the bond, heart-eyes and all, shows that as the actor who has to portrait Castiel, he knows and understands the love his angel feels towards that damaged human. And the exasperation that Dean has not yet acknowledged it openly, when the whole universe is already aware, but that is Dean Winchester for you and what is he to do…

Jensen stating that he does not see Destiel shows how Dean can not (yet) acknowledge the emotional bond beyond friendship. As an actor he simply can't allow for fannish what-ifs and headcanons. Dean has to keep a certain amount of distance. He is hurt by all the losses in his life and he will not admit to feelings for Cas, if there is the slightest chance of the angel getting in danger because of him.

That certainly would make sense from a director/writer's point of view. Maybe Misha has been told that Destiel is a already thing, while Jensen has not been told the same, to keep that vibe of uncertainty which gives so much motivation for the characters and so many plots for the show.

Maybe everything I wrote is total beeswax and Destiel is all in my head. But at least you'll get now some of the reasons, why I ship them.

[persseius-blog]

five Secrets No one Tells You About Winning His Heart Permanently

In terms of having a man to commit to a romantic relationship, several women cannot seem to be to crack the code.

As most of us have observed, you'll find two types of men: Behind curtain #1 could be the style of guy who's positively smitten with his girlfriend - he puts her on a pedestal, treats her like a queen, and locations her happiness above his personal. And behind curtain #2 is the style who's labeled as being a "commitment-phobe" - he does not appear to get pleasure from becoming within a romance, acting as though his commitment is within the involuntary kind.

The truth is, a examine by Match.com located that 95 percent of guys openly admit to seeing marriage as one of their ultimate life ambitions.

So if this is what 95 percent of them seem to be to want, how will you obtain a man to commit and literally fall in love with you?

It all comes down to how a guy views commitment. To a man, it really is like cracking a mixture lock; in case the numbers do not line up, he'll be emotionally distant and unavailable, in lieu of all in. He may possibly even come up with a few one-liner excuses that females undoubtedly unearth aggravating: "I must focus on my career," "I just require space," or, "I'm just not ready for any partnership best now."

But these one-liners are not lies. He extremely believes what he's saying considering that the "numbers" of his dedication code are not lining up.

In other words, when he says, "I'm just not ready for a partnership proper now," what he extremely implies is, "I'm just not prepared to get a romantic relationship with you."

While it hurts to hear this, comprehending ways to obtain a man to commit - and why and just how he chooses to eventually get the plunge - can conserve you heartache and make it easier to fully grasp guys.

The truth is, when he lastly comes across that 1 female who produces the appropriate sequence of "numbers" to unlock his dedication blend, he'll really feel compelled to hang onto her. He'll commit to a partnership as a result of he does not wish to risk shedding her.

So, now we know commitment is not some sort of man allergy. Everything you need to do is understand tips on how to crack his dedication code and get your man to commit - and finally fall in appreciate with you.

Less complicated explained than done, obviously, thinking about the typical man is not good at communicating his emotional wants. Which is exactly where I are available in! 

Here are 5 elements guys (won't let you know they) desire ahead of they will commit to a connection and start to fall in really enjoy with you.

one. He requirements you to want him.

Considered one of the keys to understanding the way to make your man pleased is basic, animalistic want. Within the pit of his abdomen, he needs to want you, long for you, yearn to suit your needs. He has to miss you when you happen to be not all-around and he has to really feel a pang of lust when he has not noticed you for a while. 

This wish is designed by means of the play of opposites. He'll crave you and after that he catches you; he'll miss you after which falls into you; he'll lust for you then you are going to surrender to him. It truly is the producing and also the release of tension in excess of and above yet again.

The way you make this tension is by your sexuality - tease him then give in, playfully run from him and after that permit him to capture you, include levity and spontaneity to his lifestyle, give him lustful stares then leave the room, send him attractive notes through the day, grab him and kiss him unexpectedly. In summation, use your strong feminine qualities to contrast his significant and calculated masculine nature.

2. He requires your respect.

Respect can be a cardinal virtue; it is the basis of any partnership that endures and stands the test of time. Respect can help re-ignite a romantic relationship extended after the flame of really enjoy and lust has sputtered. A number of guys marry the lady who respects him, even over the lady who loves him.

Guys may rest with, talk to, and care about the female they enjoy (and lust), but usually love only isn't all they demand.

Numerous this must do with the phrase "I like you." To a guy and also a lady, this phrase can have distinctive meanings. A man could interpret it as "don't harm me" or even "you're trapped." Males see the adore from a woman as even more of the commodity than one thing novel.

Naturally, the words make him truly feel fantastic when he hears them, but they will not sing to his soul. Men have crippling inadequacies they silently battle their whole lives.

So, determine why you respect your guy. What are you proud of him for? What are you able to acknowledge him for? How can you make him really feel superior about himself? Then, tell him. Will not inform him simply you enjoy him, inform him why you enjoy him.

An additional way to express your respect would be to apologize when you've created a blunder or explained one thing incorrect. You (and he) must make the relationship extra critical than person egos. When he understands you respect his character, he'll let you in deeper, exposing other tender elements of his soul the place he wants healing and assistance.

3. He has to come to feel emotionally protected.

The third issue to maintain in mind when understanding the way to continue to keep your man joyful is his emotional health. By surrendering your anger, bitterness, or any resentment you have towards him, you give him harmless passage for being vulnerable.

This happens by you placing your believe in in him. Then, he can believe in you. You the two make it possible for your self to get vulnerable and that aids a romance function. But for this vulnerability to take off, girls typically have to be the initiators. Guys are looking for somebody to lead them into the vulnerable abyss.

Its a woman's courage to open up and allow down her guard that inspires males to lay down their psychological shields and unwind.

So how can you do that? Properly, it aids by understanding how guys think. He has to understand that you will not judge or criticize him. He has to come to feel supported, accepted, and encouraged that you're on his side. He must are aware that you won't inform your pals or (worse) your mother about any problems he makes. He must know that you may stand up for him when other individuals say lousy factors about him. He has to know that you may confront any injustices or issues head-on.

four. He requirements you to challenge him.

At the core of every single man is challenge. Men develop by challenge. Challenge speaks to the aspect of their masculinity that innately can make them wish to conquer and win. Challenge would be the path men consider to achieve good results, which ultimately tends to make them really feel respected.

Within a nutshell, it certainly comes right down to having a strong sense of one's own values - recognizing what on earth is crucial to you and standing by it. This generates the challenge that strengthens the romance. One more component of this challenge is being able to confront a man any time you feel like individuals values are compromised.

This may well call for you confronting him as soon as you imagine he owes you an apology, as an alternative to letting it fall from the wayside. As you can confront him, he'll unearth you incredibly desirable. Even though his initially response is anger, the fact that you're able to stand as much as him will transform the way in which he looks at you. It will eventually challenge him to be a greater man.

5. He has to come to feel awe and wonder. 

The last stage in discovering the best way to retain your guy happy is superior, old-fashioned pleasure. Even acting a little bit crazy can be a superior factor; crazy, not insane - skinny-dipping from the ocean is very good, but faking your own personal kidnapping as a result of he's been working as well late just isn't.

All as well typically, females are taught to come to feel terrible about becoming emotional, feeling 'crazy,' and acting unpredictably. But these feminine attributes are genuinely captivating to guys. So, embrace your femininity and allow it to enliven your connection. This will guide a man fall deeper and deeper in take pleasure in with you.

As soon as you embody your instinctual feminine nature, you establish the space for him to say elements like, "There is just one thing about her that I adore."

Go through a lot more about this here - 

https://alltheshit.tumblr.com/post/176980633659/five-secrets-and-techniques-no-one-tells-you-about

[multipandadom-blog]

5 Tricks No one Tells You About Winning His Heart Forever

Relating to finding a guy to commit to a partnership, a number of females cannot seem to be to crack the code.

As most of us have noticed, you can find two varieties of males: Behind curtain #1 would be the kind of man who's certainly smitten with his girlfriend - he puts her on the pedestal, treats her like a queen, and places her happiness above his own. And behind curtain #2 may be the type who's labeled as a "commitment-phobe" - he doesn't seem to love getting in the relationship, acting as though his commitment is from the involuntary kind.

The fact is, a research by Match.com observed that 95 percent of guys openly admit to seeing marriage as certainly one of their greatest existence goals.

So if this really is what 95 % of them seem to want, how will you obtain a guy to commit and genuinely fall in take pleasure in with you?

All of it comes down to how a guy views dedication. To a man, it truly is like cracking a blend lock; in the event the numbers do not line up, he'll be emotionally distant and unavailable, rather than all in. He might even come up with several one-liner excuses that ladies undoubtedly unearth aggravating: "I need to concentrate on my occupation," "I just require room," or, "I'm just not prepared for a partnership proper now."

But these one-liners aren't lies. He seriously believes what he's saying as a result of the "numbers" of his commitment code aren't lining up.

In other words, when he says, "I'm just not ready to get a connection right now," what he genuinely implies is, "I'm just not prepared for any connection with you."

Even while it hurts to hear this, knowing ways to get a guy to commit - and why and the way he chooses to last but not least take the plunge - can save you heartache and allow you to appreciate males.

The truth is, when he lastly comes across that 1 lady who generates the appropriate sequence of "numbers" to unlock his commitment blend, he'll really feel compelled to hang onto her. He'll commit to a romantic relationship considering that he does not just want to possibility dropping her.

So, now we know commitment isn't some type of man allergy. What you really have to do is learn about how you can crack his dedication code and get your man to commit - and sooner or later fall in really enjoy with you.

Easier said than accomplished, naturally, thinking of the common man isn't amazing at communicating his emotional requires. That is the place I come in! 

Here are 5 factors guys (won't inform you they) want in advance of they will commit to a romantic relationship and start to fall in enjoy with you.

1. He demands you to need him.

Certainly one of the keys to understanding the best way to make your man delighted is standard, animalistic need. While in the pit of his abdomen, he must want you, lengthy to suit your needs, yearn for you personally. He must miss you when you are not all over and he has to really feel a pang of lust when he has not seen you for some time. 

This wish is produced by the play of opposites. He'll crave you then he catches you; he'll miss you after which falls into you; he'll lust for you personally and then you are going to surrender to him. It can be the developing as well as the release of stress more than and over once more.

The way in which you create this stress is via your sexuality - tease him after which give in, playfully run from him after which enable him to capture you, include levity and spontaneity to his lifestyle, give him lustful stares and after that leave the area, send him attractive notes during the day, grab him and kiss him unexpectedly. In summation, use your impressive feminine characteristics to contrast his severe and calculated masculine nature.

two. He demands your respect.

Respect is definitely a cardinal virtue; it's the foundation of any romance that endures and stands the test of time. Respect can help re-ignite a romance long following the flame of adore and lust has sputtered. Many guys marry the lady who respects him, even above the female who loves him.

Males may possibly sleep with, talk to, and care regarding the female they appreciate (and lust), but frequently enjoy only isn't all they require.

Plenty of this must do with all the phrase "I love you." To a man as well as a female, this term can have various meanings. A man could interpret it as "don't harm me" or perhaps "you're trapped." Males see the take pleasure in from a lady as additional of the commodity than a little something novel.

Of course, the words make him feel good when he hears them, nevertheless they never sing to his soul. Guys have crippling inadequacies they silently battle their whole lives.

So, discover why you respect your guy. What are you proud of him for? What can you acknowledge him for? How will you make him truly feel beneficial about himself? Then, inform him. Don't tell him just that you simply enjoy him, inform him why you enjoy him.

A further way to express your respect should be to apologize when you have produced a error or stated a little something wrong. You (and he) have got to make the romantic relationship more critical than individual egos. When he is aware of you respect his character, he will let you in deeper, exposing other tender components of his soul in which he needs healing and assistance.

3. He must truly feel emotionally safe and sound.

The third factor to help keep in thoughts when figuring out how you can preserve your man content is his emotional wellness. By surrendering your anger, bitterness, or any resentment you have got toward him, you give him safe and sound passage to be vulnerable.

This transpires by you putting your trust in him. Then, he can trust you. You both enable by yourself for being vulnerable and that helps a romance function. But for this vulnerability to consider off, women typically must be the initiators. Males are looking for a person to lead them to the vulnerable abyss.

Its a woman's courage to open up and allow down her guard that inspires guys to lay down their psychological shields and chill out.

So how do you do that? Well, it assists by learning how guys believe. He has to realize that you won't judge or criticize him. He needs to truly feel supported, accepted, and encouraged that you're on his side. He has to know that you won't tell your pals or (worse) your mother about any problems he helps make. He must realize that you will stand up for him when many others say poor details about him. He has to know that you will confront any injustices or conditions head-on.

4. He requirements you to challenge him.

In the core of just about every man is challenge. Guys expand as a result of challenge. Challenge speaks for the part of their masculinity that innately makes them desire to conquer and win. Challenge would be the path guys get to attain achievement, which ultimately makes them feel respected.

In the nutshell, it really comes down to getting a powerful sense of your personal values - figuring out what on earth is crucial that you you and standing by it. This produces the challenge that strengthens the connection. A second element of this challenge is being able to confront a guy as soon as you really feel like these values are compromised.

This might possibly call for you confronting him after you imagine he owes you an apology, instead of letting it fall from the wayside. While you can confront him, he'll uncover you exceptionally captivating. Whether or not his initial reaction is anger, the fact that you possibly can stand as much as him will modify the way he appears at you. It will challenge him to become a better man.

5. He needs to really feel awe and wonder. 

The last step in figuring out how you can retain your man pleased is fantastic, old-fashioned pleasure. Even acting a bit crazy is known as a decent point; crazy, not insane - skinny-dipping in the ocean is decent, but faking your personal kidnapping mainly because he's been doing work also late will not be.

All as well commonly, gals are taught to really feel undesirable about becoming emotional, feeling 'crazy,' and acting unpredictably. But these feminine qualities are in reality captivating to men. Thus, embrace your femininity and permit it to enliven your relationship. This could aid a guy fall deeper and deeper in appreciate with you.

If you embody your instinctual feminine nature, you build the room for him to say matters like, "There is just one thing about her that I like."

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