#but i’ve put this paper off so long it’s literally gnawing on my soul

[national-hockey-gay]

if someone writes my one page lit review for me i’ll make you a million edits and dedicate everything i post from now on to you

[filthyjanuary]

awtto :)

tbh ngl this meme seems much better suited to fictional ships but alright let’s go

001 | send me a ship and I will tell you:

when I started shipping it if I did: i got into parx in like may 2020 and i was shipping awtto by june-july i think so pretty quick, because i read awsten’s book and it was INSANE and also syd was making Points and NO ONE WAS LISTENING and i was like HOW ARE Y’ALL NOT SEEING THIS.... nearly a year later, awtto nation thrives <3

my thoughts: they are absolutely bonkers. like their history is insane. the way awsten talks about otto irl but ESPECIALLY in his book? INSANE. their personalities and how fucking weird and different they are and yet they get along so well? INSANE. they make me want to gnaw drywall <3

What makes me happy about them: it’s just very fucking cute that they met as teens and are still tight as fuck despite Drama That Very Well Should Have Destroyed Them and now they are in a band doing cool things and they have these completely on paper different personalities but they mesh so well and it’s just like!! i like ‘em! and they like each other!! they put up with so much wack shit from each other like i’d have to love someone a lot to keep making an effort when they were neigh unreachable most of the time and i’d have to love someone a lot if they were Awsten-levels of batshit off the wall obnoxious too and they do! THEY LOVE EACH OTHER

What makes me sad about them: uh well the g**** of it all. bad situation. makes me sick if i think about it for too long.

things done in fanfic that annoys me: tbh awtto nation generally writes incredible fic. i don’t look at wattpad so i don’t know what fuckery goes on there. i guess just like wanting to avoid using their names so you write ‘the heterochromatic boy’ fives times in one fic makes me want to drink bleach but also i do not write fic so like i’m really not in any position to criticize.

things I look for in fanfic: it’s written by sydney @randombubblegum. nah jokes, tbh i’m behind bc i havent rly had fic time lately, and when i have, i’ve been reading DBH fic, but when i do read awtto i kind of read everything in the tag. the fandom is small enough that it’s not like i have room to be choosy. and also most of the stuff ppl are putting on ao3 is really good so i always have a good time.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: i mean they’re real people so it’s not rly my place to be comforted by who they are dating but i do think [redacted] is maybe not the best influence. hmmm maybe they can join geoff’s polycule idk. trawsten is also cute sometimes but i also think awsten should get to make out with all his idols. gotto is cute sometimes and there is also something compelling about otto/dewayne tbh. just wholesome boys.

My happily ever after for them: literally get over yourselves and kiss oh my fucking god if geoff has to look like his soul is leaving his body in one more interview i will kermit on his behalf

who is the big spoon/little spoon: we have a canonical answer to this and it’s otto big spoon awsten little spoon and tbh even without having seen that video i would’ve guessed that anyway

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: i dont know if it’s non-sexual but whatever in the foreplay wrestling shit louisiana hotel was 

send me characters/ships 

[malecftw]

Your writing is AMAZING, I love it! Do you think you could do something where the reader and Shawn never get into fights, but they do over something dumb and the reader starts crying and Shawn feels bad so he drops whatever it is they are fighting about?!

A/N: So I had to rewrite the entire thing since it got deleted when proofreading why am I such a dumbass. Anywhooo thank you nonnie for requesting this. Hope you like it, don’t hesitate to let me know ;)

I’ve started up various taglists so if you want to be tagged in my future work shoot me a message or hit up my ask box. Please include which taglist you want to be added to specifically.

Word count: 1670

Warnings: angst, argument, cursing, idk if you can give a warning for fluff but... FLUFFFFFF

Masterlist.

Taglist:  @shawn-youth

I rolled my eyes at Shawn’s words, causing him to get even more annoyed with me. ‘Yeah y/n. You roll your eyes at me. You have nothing to defend yourself with anyway.’ He stood on the other side of the kitchen, leaning against the stove and looking at me angrily. ‘Shawn I just asked if you could do some more chores. I’m literally doing everything here.’ I said, not willing to continue the argument but also not ready to back down.

‘Everything except for actually working and earning money.’ He muttered quietly, but still loud enough for me to hear. His eyes immediately turned sorrowful but he knew the damage was done and it was too late to take his words back. It struck a nerve. It’s been a sensitive subject for me ever since I started living with him. I was currently finishing up my last year at university as a science major. The only reason why I hadn’t gotten a job yet because Shawn assured me I didn’t have to. 

He said he earned enough money for me to focus on my education and future, knowing the added stress of a job would burn me out since I was already drowning in papers, exams, and classes. He constantly reassured me, saying he didn’t mind, that my future was important to him. Not once had he made a comment that led me to believe he was insincere about this subject. It didn’t free me of the guilt that was gnawing at my soul though.

 Every single time I bought something nice for myself or went out with friends, this little voice in the back of my mind told me I was being ungrateful. I was brought up to always be grateful for the things I receive or the gifts of others and I made sure I showed my gratitude to Shawn every chance I got. That’s why his comment hit me so hard.

‘Nice one Shawn, nice one...’ I said disappointed as I took my coat off of the coat hanger. He stalked over to me instantly when he realized what I was doing. ‘Y/n come on. We both said things we didn’t mean. Come on, don’t do this you know I didn’t mean it I was just angry.’ He said without taking a breath. I looked up at him, tears already threatening to spill over. ‘You may not have meant it, but you knew how much I struggle with that subject and you still decided to use it against me.’ 

I slowly tore my arm out his big hand and took a step towards the door. ‘Don’t worry, I have my phone on me, I’ll call you if something's wrong. Just don’t... Don’t flood my phone okay.’ ‘Just please tell me you’ll come back?’ Shawn asked. We’d both made a deal at the beginning of the relationship to never go to bed without clearing up a fight or argument. Now he was looking to see if I’d break that promise. I didn’t trust my voice so I just nodded before turning my back to him. Shawn bowed his head down in defeat, knowing the best thing now was to leave me be with my thoughts to figure things out.

I didn’t look back to him when I closed the door of our condo, allowing the tears to fall freely and without shame, as I made it out of the building.I started jogging when I got outside, the sharp wind slapping me across the face. It didn’t take me long to reach my destination considering it was right around the corner from our building.

As I entered, the waitress shot me a worried smile and allowed me to sit down and collect myself before coming over to take my order. ‘The usual please.’ I said, avoiding her gaze. I was no stranger here. Usually, Shawn accompanied me though. I used to drag him along with me because I loved the place so much. Until one day it had finally grown on him enough for him to come here by himself on the days I had class and couldn’t join him. I’m guessing it was pretty obvious he was the reason for my red, teary eyes. I don’t think I’ve come here without him in the past year, not counting the times he was on tour. Usually, when he was touring I didn’t really come here that much, the entire place reminding me of too many lunch dates that my heart couldn’t handle.

I looked outside, observing a dark cloud that was flooding over the city. It looked like something out of an apocalyptic movie. Shawn was definitely going to be worried about me being outside in this kind of weather, he never stopped worrying about me.

Not too long after I’d placed my order, the waitress approached me. She put down my favorite tea on the wooden table, accompanied by a cake pop that strongly resembled the head of a little kitten. It was a cute sight really but I looked up at the girl questioningly. ‘That one’s on me. I figured you could use a little pick me up.’ She said smiling. I didn’t really know what to say, surprised by her random act of kindness so I thanked her and made sure to remind myself to leave her a nice tip when I left.

The warm, sweet taste of the tea made it down my throat, warming my insides and I immediately felt better. I knew Shawn hadn’t meant what he’d said, but it still hurt. I don’t know if he realized how much of a big deal the money thing is to me. I hate being dependent although he’d never view it like that. My education was a temporary situation and in turn also a temporary problem, yet I couldn’t help but think about our future.

Like any relationship, ours was completely based on trust. Maybe even more so than a normal relationship. Having a boyfriend that toured the world wasn’t really a regular thing so if we didn’t have full trust in one another we would’ve been over a long time ago.

After a while, I decided to message Shawn. This was stupid. I asked him to meet me here and started a timer on my phone, from the second I’d sent him the message to the second he’d arrive. I knew him, it wouldn’t take long before I’d see his beautiful face and kind smile walking through the door and I was right.

He looked at me and smiled as he went to sit down, shooting the waitress and grin as he acknowledged her. He looked hesitant and a short silence overtook us before I spoke up. ‘7 and a half minutes. I believe that’s a record, Mr. Mendes.’ I laughed lightly, trying to set the tone for the rest of the evening. He looked surprised, most certainly not expecting that kind of welcome as he eyed the numbers on the phone I held up in front of him.He quickly regained his composure though and played along. ‘Well, Miss. Y/L/N. If a pretty girl calls, you answer.’ He said smirking when he saw my rosy cheeks as a reaction to his compliment. 

The mood turned a bit more serious when the memories of our fight flooded back to him. ‘Y/n I...’ He started but he got interrupted. The waitress that served me earlier was now standing at our table with a genuine smile on her face. ‘I didn’t want to disturb you two so I just got you your usual order.’ She said as she carefully placed a cup of black coffee in front of Shawn accompanied by another cake pop. Shawn had the same questioning expression on his face that I’d had earlier and I laughed silently when the girl said: ‘It’s on the house.’ His mouth slightly formed an O-shape and the waitress looked at me smirking. Shawn quickly thanked her, making sure she realized how much he appreciated the gesture before returning back to the conversation after she left.

‘I’m sorry y/n. I know it doesn’t mean much because what’s done is done but I can 100% say I didn’t mean what I said. Truth is I had nothing on you so I used that as the worst most pathetic and untrue argument. And a lie on top of it all. I know how hard you work and not a day goes by that I’m not the proudest boyfriend alive. If I could take it back I would.’ He rambled trying to get every word out at the same time.

I took his hand in mine, trying to stop his word vomit. ‘Look, Shawn. We both messed up. We both said things we don’t mean and we both could’ve handled things differently. I was just stressed out cause of all the papers I have to finish but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you and that’s no excuse. We’re a team and we work best as one. I’m sorry the entire argument happened because honestly, it was stupid it’s already cringing me out thinking back to it.’

Shawn sighed in relief, taking a sip of his coffee before speaking again. ‘Y/n I totally understand how rough it must be to tackle a heavy education like that and so much housework. If you tell me which chores to do I will do them. Just one thing... Please please please don’t make me do laundry because we will end up with toddler socks and white shirts gone pink.’

At that, I laughed out loud. Seeing Shawn so insecure about something as simple as doing the laundry was adorable. I got closer to him and grinned. ‘Fine. No laundry. Wouldn’t want you and the washing machine stressing each other out.’ Shawn laughed and shook his head.

From a distance the waitress was looking at you two, smirking at the sight of both of you laughing. 

Cake pops could cure any sadness.

[theyearoftheking]

Book Thirty: The Dark Half

“Stark reached out, not physically, but with his mind, and seized that disappearing tail of Thad’s mental probe. In the eye of Stark’s own mind it looked like a worm, a fat white maggot deliriously stuffed with offal and decay...”

So, let me tell you about the dark half inhabiting my house... a little over a year ago, we decided to get Waverly, our beautiful golden rescue pet angel, a friend. She loved spending time with her dog cousins, and would sink into a deep depression when we’d bring her back home again. Seriously. Look at this beautiful face. She is truly an angel in dog form.

So, we found a rescue beagle (my daughter’s alleged dream dog of the week). 

Y’all.

I was not prepared for beagle life. Biscuit Beast tore through two different cages, pooped (and smeared it!) everywhere, and chewed up everything from Legos, to Ugg boots to video game controllers. And the sight of a pom-pom on a hat makes her crazy with uncontrolled chewing fueled rage. She was an absolute menace. We tried everything from melatonin, to CBD oil, to just flat-out not leaving the house. She is a lovely, cuddly dog... but her mouth gets her in trouble every time. 

And then quarantine happened. Biscuit Beast has been thrilled to have her people home with her 24/7 all day, every day. Lots of cuddles, walks around the neighborhood, and all the personal interaction a beagle could ask for. We even left on two short jaunts, and she didn’t chew anything. She received all the praise for being the best dog in the world.

And then yesterday, I walk upstairs to find this. She gnawed my copy of The Dark Half like it was a t-bone. And it made no sense. We had been home with her all day, she had a long walk around the lake, and plenty of attention. But her dark half just can’t be tamed. Oh, Biscuit Beast. To know beagles is to love them. 

Biscuit Beast may destroy everything she can wrap her strong little jaw around, but at least she’s not violently killing people, and threatening lives everywhere she goes, unlike George Stark in The Dark Half. I guess I’ve got that going for me?

The Dark Half was fun. It was my first time reading it, and you could almost hear Steve whispering, “Wouldn’t it be funny if Richard Bachman came to life and became my murderous alter-ego?” The author’s note actually reads, “I’m indebted to the late Richard Bachman for his help and inspiration. This novel could not have been written without him.” 

It makes you wonder what the relationship between an author and his pseudonym is like. Is it dark? Does it take you in directions you don’t expect? Do you end up resenting the pseudonym for contractually forcing you to write books outside your comfort zone? Steve had created an entire biography for Bachman, and seemed almost gleeful about killing him; not unlike Thad Beaumont, the main character in The Dark Half. 

The book opens with child Thad, who is suffering from horrible headaches and seizures. He goes in for surgery, and the neurologist finds remains of a fetus in Thad’s head: an eye, part of a nostril, three fingernails and two teeth. *Shudder*

Thad grows up to become a relatively famous writer, and we find him reading a People magazine article discussing how he “killed” his pseudonym, George Stark. The article even includes a picture of Thad and his wife, Liz, standing on Stark’s grave. His gravestone reads, “Not a Very Nice Guy”. Thad seems equally amused and embarrassed by the article; and quickly brushes it to the side in order to help his wife care for their adorable twins, Wendy and William. 

Then, shit gets weird. The police show up on Thad’s doorstep, ready to arrest him for a brutal, local murder they’re confident he committed. After all, his fingerprints are all over the crime scene. There’s only one small problem: Thad has an iron-clad alibi for the night of the murder, with witnesses galore attesting to his presence. 

The police are thrown. 

Meanwhile, several more brutal murders are committed in New York City, including a young man who had figured out the Thad/George connection, and was attempting to blackmail him. Written in blood on his wall is the phrase, “The Sparrows are Flying Again”. The other murder victims are all people who were associated with the People magazine article. Very strange. 

But Thad is starting to put some pieces together. In his office, he also finds the words, “The Sparrows are Flying Again” randomly scratched on a piece of paper. It reminds him of when he was a kid, and the sounds of birdsong would precede one of his bad headaches. He has his suspicions about who the real murderer is. He makes the logical jump that it has to be his pseudonym, George Stark. Because, who else would it be?

Spoiler: It’s George Stark! 

George calls him from one of the murder scenes to gloat, and basically tells Thad he’s not ready to be dead yet. And Thad needs to get started on his next Stark novel. George doesn’t have a lot of time left... his body is starting to deteriorate into a gross mess, and unless Thad starts writing, George is going to (literally) waste away. 

So, George ends up kidnapping Liz and the kids, and takes them to their Maine cottage, where he holds them hostage until Thad starts working on his next novel. Thad starts writing, which causes George to heal, and Thad to take on George’s ailments. There’s some negative, co-dependent symbiosis going on here. Eventually, Thad stops writing, and summons billions of sparrows to bust in the house and peck George to death, before carrying him off to the depths of hell. 

Why sparrows? Well, because they’re psychopomps of course! For those not versed in ancient Greek, psychopomp means, “guide of souls.” According to Thad’s fellow professor, Rawlie DeLesseps, “...those who conduct. In this case, those who conduct human souls back and forth between the land of the living and the land of the dead... Gatherings of sparrows are rather more ominous... sparrows are said to be the outriders of the deceased... which means their job is to guide lost souls back into the land of the living. They are, in other words, the harbingers of the living dead...” 

 Y’all... there is so much going on here. Is George a metaphor for Steve’s drug addiction? Think about it... the more it took over, the sicker Steve got. And it kept him from doing the kind of writing he always wanted to do (novels like this, compared to dung-heaps like The Tommyknockers). Once his addiction was banished and dragged back to hell, he was reunited with his family and kids. Maybe a little bit of a stretch, but thought provoking. 

I really liked this novel; it was tightly edited and well written, it kept my attention and it gave me a glimpse into Steve’s crazy brain. And it had some fun Castle Rock mentions... like that time George Bannerman helped solve that string of nasty murders (The Dead Zone), only to be taken out by a rabid dog (Cujo). Rest in peace, George. 

No Dark Tower or Wisconsin mentions, just good, clean, Steve fun. 

Total Wisconsin Mentions: 24

Total Dark Tower References: 22

Book Grade: B+

Rebecca’s Definitive Ranking of Stephen King Books

The Talisman: A+

Misery: A+

Different Seasons: A+

It: A+

The Shining: A-

The Stand: A-

The Drawing of the Three: A-

Nightmares in the Sky: B+

The Dark Half: B+

Skeleton Crew: B+

The Dead Zone: B+

‘Salem’s Lot: B+

Carrie: B+

Creepshow: B+

Cycle of the Werewolf: B-

Danse Macabre: B-

The Running Man: C+

Thinner: C+

Dark Visions: C+

The Eyes of the Dragon: C+

The Long Walk: C+

The Gunslinger: C+

Pet Sematary: C+

Firestarter: C+

Rage: C

Cujo: C-

Nightshift: C-

Roadwork: D

Christine: D

The Tommyknockers: D-

Next up is Four Past Midnight, another collection I’ve thumbed through. Four Past Midnight contains classics like The Langoliers and Secret Window, Secret Garden; which was an excellent movie. When I started reading The Dark Half, my husband told me what a great movie it was. I asked him for the plot, to see if it was similar to the book, or a Lawnmower Man type situation. He then proceeded to give me the entire plot of The Secret Window. And tried to convince me they were basically the same story. I’m going to reserve judgement. So, stay tuned for that. I hope everyone is staying healthy, washing hands and wearing masks. 

Until next time, Long Days and Pleasant Nights,

Rebecca