#but idk maybe that happens when you exit what has basically become like

[couch-house]

2023 baybeeeee. havent done an art summary in a while since i basically stopped drawing early 2020 and didn't get back on the horse until mid-2022 (i wonder... what could have caused that!) i dont feel like my art has really changed this year, only in the ways that I draw specific sonic characters (looking through my archive is fun bc i can see the progression of the diseases known as Giving Them Big Eyebrows and Drawing The Monoeye) and--more exciting 4 me--my practice with paneling comics! :)

i think the progression is much more noticeably when you line it up with last year's sonic art... i can see all the Milestones.. more talking abt that under the cut

May: couch gets into sonic. June: Yucky Sonic 1.0. this was also the month when i Heard Of fleetway super. July: couch comes back from brazil, having read stc. this is also when i start dong actual short comics. compare may -> june -> july. (also please forgive whatever tf i was doing with skintones. i needed some practice)

august: merger au takes shape. dog invented. also i just really like that speed racer sonic mspaint picture. its fun :) september: deep in the fleet mines. october: i lose a lot of steam and mostly just doodle. another comic comparison for those three months:

november: frontiers comes out. i go crazy mode and make that sonic + knuckles comic with the pretty backgrounds and LOTS OF TINY TEXT. december: winter break AND im tired. january 2023 i come back insane crazy mode and write some fanfiction?? still havent finished that LOL. made some nice cover art :) february: i shift into knuckles mode fora month. make another comic. this one is much better i think :) november -> february

march: i shift into transfem metal sonic mode. also just stick to a lot of doodling. also write more fanfiction. crazy. april: transitory period as i shift back into stc/exit: sonic mode. may: more fanfiction. more comics. i really like how both of these turned out :) while the last two were definitely taking a lot more notes from stc, i think around here i start paying attention to and trying to learn from more creative panelling from artists i admire. like @/superemeralds THOAM and @/starrjoy's pandora au.

june: i play sa2 and it's good. july: i play unleashed and it is both miserable and good. i get in kind of an artistic frustration zone and wiggle my way out. august: idk i think im just chillin. super react dot jpeg happens. it's not even named that, it's named after the other image on the canvas, which was maria holding baby shadow. more comics.

september: i burn out for a bit. get real tired. eventually get back up and make more comics. the goal here and last month has become "try to make more interesting panel shapes. I've noticed other artists don't just use rectangles--try playing with irregular polygons and see where it gets you." well it gets you mixed results as you learn :) also i think after that pause i accept the monoeye into my life. sigh...

october: oc showdown starts and @/neurotypical-sonic asks me to make some halloweeny art :) feels like i dont do much this month bc i focus on those. november: A LOT OF ART?? INSANE. more oc showdown stuff. i play shadow the hedgehog (2005). it's good and i love it. i draw a ton of shit on one canvas for it. Fucking Dember: i have shifted back into stc/EXIT mode. motivation's a little weird bc work's a little weird. doing commissions also makes it weird. well im having fun and being myself :) a final handful of comics from this month:

idk maybe ill do something sicko crazy b4 the end of the year. mayb i'll follow exit sonic's example and #GetWorse. who knows :) well this is fun i love looking at my art and seeing and noticing things. thank u all for your support and I hope we all have a great 2024!

[3416]

(very sorry for being long winded, i appreciate your takes being so rational <3) the more i think the more i wish our first round matchup had been anyone else like even the panthers would’ve beat this…the narrative around the bruins and leafs is just far too personal and emotionally charged to the old men who’ve lived through every series between the two in the past few decades and each time the frustration just piles on worse and finds a new person to be directed at. this is half inspired by the post you just reblogged but it’s kind of unbelievable to watch in real time sports analysts and media figureheads be swayed enough by the narrative around mitch (which has little to do with actually reality and more to do with him being who everyone decided was the easiest to mount decades worth of frustration onto) to actually be commenting on this stuff on like…live broadcasts and in public spaces. idk it’s just upsetting that the team is all so aware of it…auston’s quote in his exit about it bringing everyone down was the worst like…i can’t imagine how it is for mitch if it’s affecting the people around him. idk it’s unfortunate that this is going to be the conversation on loop until something happens and even then

AGREE TO ALL OF THIS. i'm not a big enough sports fan in general to observe the patterns of fans and how other teams and markets treat their star players, but like... this just feels so damn absurd. i know mitch has been a scapegoat for some reason or another basically every offseason since he signed his last deal, and no one has the ability to step back from the situation and see WHY that deal happened the way it did so they just blame the person whose name is on it, lol. it's silly. it's the culmination of lots of heartbreak. i think people would be saying all of this even if we lost to the panthers because they were saying similar things last year.

i do think it's important to think about the fact that this time of year is free fall as far as 'insiders' and analysts go. there's nothing to do.. most people aren't even discussing that stuff yet. even mitch saying they'd start talking about this week probably like... there's no way for elliotte friedman or any bitch out here acting like mitch is Probably gonna be okay with waiving and going bc "everyone" hates him to know ANYTHING at all, lol. all of their statements are prefaced with a whole lot of 'i think's and 'maybe's and it's so silly to listen to them talk just bc they like the sound of their own voice and their own specific news cycle for the year is coming to an end. i'm not sure what the leafs are going to do about mitch... i feel like friday's conference is gonna have me leaning one way or another abt a potential extension this summer vs letting him play into the year, but like. it is so fucking infuriating that he's become the scapegoat for it all when he IS the leafs. he's the heart of the team. he's the hometown boy. it's so baffling to me that he has to take the fall for it all rn and for grown mens inability to regulate emotion or use their brains. like no i don't have to accept that everyone processes losses of a fucking sports team differently if that method includes spewing vitriol or being a nasty person about your own specific team.

[what-do-1000-swords-look-like]

So...just watched both crossover finales for SVU and OC.

I have mixed emotions. On one hand, it was nice to get the old groove of Benson and Stabler working together again. On the other hand, I want to look at the shows' writing teams & Graziano and go "Wtf?"

Let me see if I've got this straight... Rollins exited the show and Giddish is no longer a series regular, she left SVU to take a job as a professor, and we had a huge emotional farewell for her, her story was tied up nicely with her and Carisi getting married, etc...only for her not to deny Olivia's assessment of "You miss it, don't you?" And her confirming it by saying she loves her students but it's not what she thought it would be basically. We see that she's pregnant, something Carisi had told Benson a couple of episodes ago, and we also see Carisi becoming increasingly worried about impending fatherhood. I seriously doubt Kelli is coming back to the show but they have Muncey leave and STILL have this conversation happen between Benson and Rollins when it wasn't needed? It nullifies her emotional farewell to the show and all of the happiness fans had for her endgame (her marriage, her kids, her new career) and dilutes the reason for the conflict she initially had with Benson over her leaving.

And then Muncey leaving... Perhaps the actress Molly Burnett had another project, I'm not really sure what happened there. But we have yet ANOTHER spot to be filled on SVU and now also OC as well? I'm all for rotating new faces and stories but Muncey wasn't even here for a year. Should I expect Bruno to go somewhere in the beginning of the next season? Hard to maintain any emotional investment into these characters if they're just going to have short stints like this. TV is not the movies. TV characters stories' are meant to develop over time, that's the medium and type of story telling it has.

Speaking of which, WTF was that with Jamie? Again, maybe the actor Brent Antonello had another project on board, but what a brutal ending!!! And then to have the sociopath saved on top of it??? Also, why build up the relationship between him and Jet all season only to have it end in a phone call ILY that was one-sided due to him not returning the sentiment and that's the last thing he "says" to her ever?

And no goodbye convo between Benson and Muncey? Or Jamie and Stabler? Or even Velasco and Muncey really? He helps her carry her stuff to her car? And just a hug from Fin? That's it? Jamie, who was a practical mirror for Stabler? And while Benson and Jamie both getting hurt might be a parallel, again Jamie was a mirror for Stabler so how does Jamie not saying the ILY to Jet parallel? This just didn't make any sense to me.

And literally last episode, Benson and Stabler say that the almost kiss wasn't the right moment between them, but now they're just "partners"? He wants her to find her way to happiness? Okay, I can get behind that but then you have her watching after him like that? What? And Stabler already told Benson he loved her, so she knows this already, but when he says he was worried when he couldn't see and heard the shot...she tells him how terrible it must have been for him because it brings back memories about Kathy? I'm not saying she's wrong but make it make sense, people. D-E-V-E-L-O-P-M-E-N-T

Which we know they've thrown into the mix already because he tells Benson he's going on a job and she says "Thank you for telling me this time." So wtf was all the rest of this?

Idk if this was Graziano or what, but this episode single-handedly dismantled the Jamie and Jet relationship, the Velasco and Muncey relationship, and yep, the Bensler relationship. Not to mention they sidelined the Bell and Fin dynamic that we should have gotten to see more of.

And I'm going to say it, when is that Chief going to take a hike? Don't get me wrong, I like the actor, but no way in hell has his character gotten any development since he started deferring to Benson and working on himself. It's almost as if his behavior in this SVU finale undid all of that development and turned him into the asshole boss Benson battled with when he replaced Chief Garland (not that I understood why he and Kat were exited from the show back then either, especially when both actors said it was not their choice to leave the show).

I know OC has had a very high turnover for showrunners since Ilene and that has unfortunately sometimes been shown in the writing. But these two finales felt way off, from everything both shows have been building this past season (and even a little before that).

So I say to Graziano - wtf is going on?

[belovecore]

Okay okay okay, I’m honestly really curious about how Springtrap and Zero meet? Like, when ST arrives at Fazbear Frights for the first time, does he bump into Zero when she gets on her shift? Does he try and attack her at first? What were their first impressions of eachother? :0

This isn’t meant to be nitpicky or pressuring in any way lol, I just love the concept of this ship so much I think it’s so cute,,total beauty and the beast scenario imo x)

- 🌙 Anon

oh, it's not pressuring or anything at all! i'm so happy to answer aah /pos

thank you so much for the ask again, i'm so so happy to talk about this and to have someone who loves to ask questions and hear what i have to say!!

so like, might repeat myself or go back and change things but don't feel afraid to ask! so what i got is:

Zero got hired around the time Springtrap got found in the closed off 'backrooms', and as such they were repurposing and 'cleaning' Springtrap to use as a prop rather than his old springlock wearable plush suit self since that would take way too much money or work to achieve and also on fact of 'authenticity' and its creepy so lol

they basically gave him a normal poseable endoskeleton and put him in a spot alongside other animatronic props to let people see him as they walk back and get spooked.

when this happened, he sorta had 'purple guy's' leftover soul sort possessing his circuits which once he was pulled from the room and cleaned up, he suddenly powered on during one of their first shifts.

he was very confused since to springtrap, while he wasn't an actual machine to begin with and just a suit, his whole mold assumes his character persona as 'springbonnie'

so like, picture waking up in a place you don't know, in disrepair, and you have no clue what to do or what to think. he's suppose to be walking around and seeing the kiddies during the day with all the bright colors and happy faces. but now, he's in some run down dark overrun place and has no clue what occurred in the long period he wasn't being 'worn'

so naturally he gets up and just, wanders around looking for kids, that's what he usually does and this happens to be afterhours once the theme park closes so Zero is in their 'office' just doing a checkover and keeping watch over the place and then Springtrap sees her.

Zero, not knowing well, animatronics can be alive?? sorta? is freaked out and like is just put off by this giant rabbit prop that isn't supposed to be able to stand and walk just, staring at her from the doorway.

her first instinct would be to call for help via phoneline but she's honestly not a fight person, or even flight so she just freezes. it's not like she could bolt since he's standing in the only exit of the office.

but after springtrap gets over just, seeing a human again and defaults into this sort of comfort mode since sometimes back then, kids would be scared of him.

it's a long talk and springtrap lowers himself so not to be as scary, and basically they hit it off quite well from both being down on their luck and nowhere else to go or much to do. they really start to bond and zero gets to keep him company each night since she can't tell anyone about him being 'alive'

overall their first impression of each other is fear and curiosity and confusion, and spring starts out more as his old springbonnie persona but tends to gain his more 'springtrap' persona from purple guy's ghost in a way.

he retains sweetness and knows how to entertain, but also becomes more of a person who has been through a lot and doesn't always hold up his old naive and utterly devoted love to everyone he sees. he can be a bit snide and cynical, but also shows a very soft side to Zero and cares for them unconditionally.

might not be explaining what i mean 100% well but hopefully some of that makes sense? idk, i do plan to draw zero's nightguard look and maybe do some writing or art around them both.

the art might have to wait cause i'm still working on how to draw springs all over again lmao

[mermaidsirennikita]

The best part about everyone losing their shit about The Serpent Queen is that I watched the pilot and not only is it the best product Starz has put out in years based on money spent, writing, and casting—it also possessed way more attention to historical detail than anything the Tudor shows have been serving…. Maybe ever?

Not y’all being too simple to realize that a woman can be presented as Not Always Good and sympathetic at the same time…. And letting that cloud any openness to the show at all.

[iconfusionwastaken]

1 large 'Ingo dumped into Minecraft AU' post

lots of stuff under the cut

If you want to make your own AUs/fics/art/etc. based on/inspired by/for anything on this post, you're beyond free to do so.

Ingo is not eeby deebied to Hisui but instead the world of Minecraft, maybe it's like, idk, Hermitcraft, Dream SMP, 3rd Life, Last Life, Afterlife SMP, Empires SMP, EvoSMP, Hypixel, a Pixelmon server or anywhere else.

Maybe the roleplay that happens in these worlds are just roleplay, all done for fun, maybe it's instead reality for the inhabitants, not an rp, or it's instead a mixture of both.

Maybe he's stuck in a single player world (maybe he finds out he can exit this world, create new ones, etc. etc.)

Nevertheless, Ingo is a man from a mortal world stuck in a place where unless the world is hardcore, immortality is indefinite.

Memory loss or not, Ingo is gonna have a difficult time adjusting to a Minecraft world, especially 1 that runs off of Minecraft Mechanics.

If we go 100% w/ the video game abilities, & Ingo gains every ability normal Minecraft players have, he kinda becomes what the Pokemon world would see as a godlike entity. All of this could be overwhelming for him at 1st.

What about adding mods like many of us do? Imagine Ingo finding mods that allow players to make trains in Minecraft & installing them all in his single player worlds if he has any.

Anyways, say after Ingo is long finished adjusting & is now used to Minecraft, let's say it's time for Emmet to discover his big brother is alive. I have 2 ideas for this.

Getting isekaied back to Unova, & the MCC

Getting Isekaied Back Home

So Ingo for whatever reason is returned to Unova. Whether Ingo holds any memories or not depends on you. I'm going w/ no memories.

Ingo gets a poor reintroduction to the world w/ the wrong sort of people crowding around him.

He does the only thing he can do, armor up in a quick few seconds, & draws his shield & sword.

This freaks everyone else tf out because they were expecting pokemon not a goddamn sword!

Ingo does a classic minecraft escape, maybe w/ an enderpearl/towering up.

Both freak out everyone around him, but the towering causes more chaos.

Eventually the news spread around about this freaky guy who armored himself up w/o having it on him before & the likes.

Ingo tries laying low somewhere away from people, figure out where he is.

He types in chat, something along the lines of, "I've wound up in the wrong station, can the admin of this world help bring me to my correct station?"

Since he's the only person w/ chat, nobody else sees his message.

Or maybe, instead, everyone within a certain radius sees the message infront of them/hears it somehow & are confused bcus wtf is this? Also who is using Ingo's name? That's fucked he's a missing person.

Ingo tries to lay low, but fiascos continue to happen & eventually it gets out that this weird person "wearing" Ingo's face that may be a psychic/pokemon in disguise because of all the weird shit he pulls off & this freaky stuff he has on him, plus he has no pokemon & when people try to fight him he brings up a shield & weapons?

Ingo meanwhile is a confused lad & wants to get home, even when this place feels weirdly familiar & nostalgic, as are these strange creatures who are clearly smart enough to make their own choices like players.

Maybe he befriends some mons & they travel w/ him.

As ingo learns, people apparently don't fight w/ swords or whatnot, but w/ creatures of immense power instead. Regardless, he'd rather not fight anyone & instead run away, because it's 1 thing to fight another person who also has a weapon, & another thing to fight someone who is basically unarmed w/o the powerful creatures by their side, & something deep inside Ingo abhors the idea of harming these creatures at all.

At some point Ingo hears about this guy named Emmet who people are calling his twin? Well, Ingo remembers nothing, & has been down on his luck recently, but maybe this guy has answers? They do look alike after all.

So begins Ingo's journey to Nimbasa w/ many misadventures along the way.

Emmet who's recently heard of this Ingo imposter also learns this guy has been heading towards Nimbasa.

Thus, Emmet, still in grief over his missing twin, decides to confront this person wearing Ingo's face.

In Nimbasa, Ingo's recognized & chased by police under the impression he's guilty of identity theft & Ingo takes the chase to roofs which he uses blocks on him to bridge between but then he's cornered, there's no nearby ledge or roof, he has no blocks left, but he has a water bucket, & can get away by jumping down.

Meanwhile, the very ledge where Ingo is cornered at happens to be the enterance to the building & Emmet just got there, he was gonna enter the building & sprint his way to the roof top until he noticed Ingo who jumped off the ledge holding something in his hand.

Ingo attempts an MLG Waterbucket as he's done countless times before and ends up dying.

Listen we all have our days where things just go wrong.

Emmet sees this doppelganger of his brother jump down, fall onto the pavement legs first, collapse to his side while flashing red for a brief moment only for the body to disappear in smoke.

Everyone around Ingo at the time hears the words: Ingo fell from a high place

Even if Emmet is certain that wasn't his brother, that strange sentence only terrifies him.

Also, every object, from weapons, to armor, to food, & more, is scattered on the ground, as are xp points which have no where to go because no players are nearby.

Wait I just came up for another branch in this AU

Despite being confused, the police decide to confiscate all of Ingo's stuff.

Ingo meanwhile, who was lucky enough to have a bed on him & set him spawn somewhere near Nimbasa city & promply goes to get at least some iron gear since there's a good chance he isn't getting his stuff back. He isn't as dumb as to stay armorless forever.

When people try to do something about the XP, they can't, it just stays in place, only jerking around in the same small area.

IDK where to continue from here.

Branch 2! Emmet absorbs the XP!

When Ingo dies and looses all his stuff & leaves some XP behind, Emmet is the closes person nearby. Despite not being a player, the XP goes to him.

Emmet doesn't realize what's happened until it's already occured, as he hears the jingles of XP.

He doesn't feel different & after a checkup which doesn't see anything wrong, he continues life as normal, as much as he can given all the havoc going on.

It's generally assumed that the doppelganger is good as dead for a while until he's spotted again.

That's not the only thing however, Emmet's been feeling strange lately.

It starts small, being able to pick objects up much quicker, even when his hand was no where near them. If he stood next to an object he wanted, it could suddenly be in his hand.

Then it became involuntary.

He discovered that if he just had a quick snack, his stamina would suddenly come back to him, & he could go back to sprinting.

Whenever he wanted to take something on/off, the clothing in question would already be worn/taken off.

When going to bed, he'd feel the sensation of falling asleep in a matter of seconds only to wake up to morning so suddenly.

Eventually he's start to wake up standing next to his better when he swore seconds before he was falling asleep in bed.

Soon he can hold up to 9 objects in some pocket dimension he aruptly has, & he can cycle between all these objects.

When Emmet tries to put something down 1 day, he drops it on the ground instead, it looks tinier than it should be, & it spins slowly, just like everything the doppelganger of Ingo scattered that day

1 day, Emmet wakes up to a line of text is his sight, that nevers goes away no matter what direction he looks.

Emmet has joined the game

<Ingo> Hello! Do you happen to know who's server this is? I'm kind of stuck here and can't log out of here.

(I also have this idea where Ingo gets stuck in Unova w/ some other players who have long become good friends of him & all of them causing madness together but this is long enoug lmao)

I imagine if Ingo kept his memories, he'd not just be estastic to be home, but would go straight towards Nimbasa city, misunderstandings & madness still happens, but it's a smoother experience.

Sidenote, would miltank milk function just like cow milk from minecraft, curing status effects like poison & the likes? Would it only apply to potion effects or do effects from pokemon & more count too?

The MCC Reveal

Ingo, after having long since adjusted to the world, gets an invite to MCC, which he accepts.

Unrelated to Ingo going to MCC for the 1st time ever, the universe of Minecraft has found & established communication w/ the world of Pokemon, where Ingo once belonged.

It's huge news for both worlds, w/ constant updates of what people have learned about the other world being released.

Once again going the Amnesiac Ingo route, Ingo can't help but feel that the Pokemon seem awfully familiar, & the Pokemon universe as a whole seems so nostalgic to him.

Since MCC is coming up, Noxcrew decide to set it up so that when the event goes live, even the Pokemon universe can see what's going on.

It's the most the MCC has ever been hyped up.

When the teams are revealed, everyone from the Pokemon world who knows anything about Ingo does a spit take upon seeing him in 1 of the teams.

When the pokemon universe contacts the minecraft universe about Ingo, the Minecraft world is like: Ingo? Yeah he's a good guy who unfortunately has amnesia, why do you ask?

That's when the pkmn world reveals Ingo's history & he's from Unova & the Minecraft universe is like 'oh, SHIT.'

& so Ingo is informed that it was discovered that he has a twin, is from the pkmn world, among other things.

Alternatively, ppl could somehow not get te news about Ingo being in MCC, the event starts, but then people find out someone who looks like Ingo is in the event. He looks like Ingo.

Mid-tournament, people find out where the missing twin of Emmet is.

I wanna write down ideas for if Emmet became a player instead of Ingo, or they both end up in Minecraft, maybe they go w/ Elesa or it's just Elesa. Maybe their pokemon come w/ them, the likes, but I've already used so much brain juice plus this post is already long enough.

[tossawary]

For whatever reason, my brain fed me a “Shen Yuan transmigrates in as Linguang-Jun” AU. Probably just as a one-shot thing to explore a SY & MBJ relationship. This happens when MBJ is an older child or a young teen, I think, so LGJ has done some shit, but the shitty relationship isn’t totally set in stone yet. SY panics, of course, because he has no idea how to be a demon. 

SY eventually settles on trying to make good with MBJ (within the limits of the OOC locks at first) so that Mobei-Jun doesn’t grow up to kill him. Young MBJ’s first reaction is that this is a trick of some kind, albeit an extremely confusing one. Young MBJ eventually witnesses something (SY utterly failing to use his demon powers while he’s still trying to figure them out) and it clicks for MBJ that his uncle has been possessed or replaced. 

MBJ eventually decides that his uncle has been permanently possessed by a dream demon or the like. Should he tell someone about this? Maybe! But he kind of likes this version of his shitty uncle better. This version of LGJ isn’t trying to kill him and, like, serves that bastard right getting his body stolen by an apparently incompetent dream demon. 

SY fakes it until he (kind of) makes it as a demon. LGJ has been scary enough over the years and has MBJ’s father’s protection, so SY doesn’t have to jockey for power too much. SY is also kind of good at playing elegant, handsome villains when he’s called upon to do so (SY could consider what this says about him as a person, but he’s not going to). SY is mostly left alone to study horrible monsters to his heart’s content. 

And also hang out with young Mobei-Jun. MBJ takes advantage of SY to, idk, get his hands on some family weapon locked up in a vault where kiddos can’t get it, like a child tricking their uncle into giving them car keys at twelve. Uncle-nephew trips consist of MBJ using this new LGJ!SY who wants to win his favor as a get-out-of-jail-free card. 

Shen Yuan: “MY darling nephew? Steal YOUR demon horse? Unlikely! How dare you make such an accusation!” 

Mobei-Jun: *absolutely did do that for kicks and is very curious to see how far he can take this before someone calls him on it*

Eventually, a teenage or young adult MBJ meets Shang Qinghua. He doesn’t tell SQH about the dream demon possessing his uncle, nor does he tell the dream demon possessing his uncle about SQH. At least, not until he overhears SQH use a word that MBJ has overheard SY use before, something like, “WTF.” And then MBJ is like, “What does that word mean?” 

Shang Qinghua: “My king-?! Oh, uh, nothing! Nothing, really!” 

Mobei-Jun: “I have heard this word before. I know it means something. What does this word mean?” 

Shang Qinghua: “...You’ve...? Wait, what?!” 

And then MBJ gets badgered into letting SQH meet the new Linguang-Jun. SQH does not play this subtle enough for MBJ not to have questions, so MBJ exits the room and then blatantly eavesdrops on the conversation because SQH and LGJ generally seem to forget about the extent of demon hearing. 

Shang Qinghua: “Proud Immortal Demon Way?” 

Linguang-Jun!SY: “...Another transmigrator?!!!” 

And Mobei-Jun is like, “Oh, Shang Qinghua is also a dream demon. This makes sense given the many strange things about him. I am very clever.” 

Just because, I really like the idea of MBJ actually being able to perceive transmigrators to some degree? Given his family’s bullshit about consuming and stealing power, he’s always on the lookout for possession (but he’s unfamiliar with humans, so it’s harder there). So, like, there’s Mobei-Jun and his two “dream demons” who are quite bad at pretending to be the powerful demon and the ordinary human they’re possessing. He’s cool with this. 

SY gets MBJ to treat SQH decently. Kind of accidentally, but still.

Anyway, I’m going to assume that #1 LBH fanboy Shen Yuan finds an excuse to go “check” on the poor young protagonist at some point. He badgers Shang Qinghua about how the kid is doing and SQH is like, “Oh, yeah, that kid is definitely being abused.” Shen Yuan talks himself into becoming a secret demonic patron and mentor, just to make sure that the protagonist doesn’t end up growing up to kill him, you know. 

LBH ends up taking a lot of away missions from the peak to stay away from SQQ, who is basically like, “Yes, fuck off. If you die, that’s fine.” And LBH keeps running into his “secret demonic patron and mentor”. And maybe being saved by SY several times. SY kind of digs the idea of being able to offer wise advice to the protagonist. That’s not a bad position, right? 

LBH falling in love with this mysterious and weirdly kind demon lord? It’s exactly as likely as you think. Age difference? No issue in LBH’s mind! 

(SY probably accidentally runs into Liu Qingge too, and saves and kind of seduces the man, of course. Liu Qingge makes it his mission to track this demon down because he is VERY ANGRY about this.) 

If SY can make SQQ into LBH’s type, then he can absolutely make LGJ into LBH’s type. When Shang Qinghua cottons on to this, he’s just like, “A handsome ice demon with villainous character design? My, uh, protagonist and I have very similar taste in men, I guess. Holy shit.” 

Mobei-Jun and Post-Abyss Luo Binghe face-off for Luo Binghe’s rights to court the totally oblivious “dream demon” possessing Mobei-Jun’s uncle. Because I like the idea of Mobei-Jun repeatedly giving the protagonist “impossible tasks” just to fuck with him and then being mildly surprised when LBH keeps succeeding, while LBH can’t bully MBJ because MBJ is SY’s “darling nephew” and LBH doesn’t want to upset SY. (Very smug MBJ face here.) 

Eventually Mobei-Jun is like, “Go conquer the Demon Realm, I guess?” So LBH spends the next 5 years or so doing that, sending SY many, many gifts and letters. While Mobei-Jun is like, “It won’t actually help him. Dream demons are very stupid and must be told directly of any romantic feelings.” 

Shang Qinghua: “Haha, I guess. Wait- dream demon?!” 

Mobei-Jun: “Oh, I forgot to tell you I knew.” 

Mobei-Jun’s face turns extremely judgmental. 

Mobei-Jun: “You really didn’t know that I know what you are?” 

Shang Qinghua: “...No...?!” 

[symphonic-scream]

Hey did someone ask for

Differences in the Jocks Kwami Swap AU?

Season 2 edition!

The Collector

Ooooh boy do we got a doozy

Firstly Fu has a run in with Kagami to hand over Trixx as she's returning to school after being kidnapped at lunch

Then everyone turns up to a distraught Chloe and Nino cause Adrien's grounded for losing that book he didn't know he had

So the class decide to collectively ditch (while Bustier "runs to the washroom") to find the book so they can give it back

Meanwhile Collector becomes a thing and goes around trying to make a collection saying he's gonna grab the heroes and all that

Chartreux and Crimson show up first and are actually kinda struggling when suddenly a flute flies in and knocks the book off course and bam KITSUNE IS HERE

They take a moment to sus her out but she mentions her Kwami and that's enough for them so they get to fighting. Only Kitsune is actively pulling them back and scolding them for acting rashly

While this is happening, Master Fu realizes he has to part with the book again to return everything to a calmer state, and slips outside to sneakily put it somewhere for the class to discover

The fight ends, the class finds and returns the book, and Adrien is allowed back to school all's well that ends well right?

Only Kagami and her mom have another talk here at the end, and Kagami is starting to feel like maybe moving to Paris was actually good for them and their relationship

Prime Queen

Who wants an awkward interview? I do

Kitsune just answers no questions whatsoever

"no" "classified" "you don't need to know that" "I don't have to tell you that" "no"

Crimson and Chartreux are trying to get her to lighten up but then they get asked if they're dating and they burst out laughing

They probably take some questions and it's Adrien being a fanboy and Alya trying to ask them about their next interview and Chloe simping

When they leave the og duo try to get Kitsune to open up and relax but she tells them she's supposed to keep them in line because they clearly weren't doing well before her or something

Then bam akuma

It's pretty similar only they have mirage and stuff

Adrien probably gets kidnapped as their biggest fan, he gets all flustered when he gets rescued by Kitsune

But yeah pretty much the same I guess

Glaciator

Oh Kay so the ice cream thing is slightly different cause I need it to make sense to me

Everyone has a soul flavour that their partner would get, and they can be combined for the soulmate mixes

They class decide that since it's a hot day that they should take Kagami seeing as she's new to the city and never heard of it before

When they arrive Andre is doing his thing serving up mixes and singles but then oh god he comes across Kagami-

This is before he gets a chance to "evaluate" Marinette and Adrien btw

He pauses and says something's not right and he tries to narrow down the three he keeps coming up with to one cause there's no way she can have three perfect matches no way

Kagami is a little distraught at basically being told she's not normal, and some of the class jump in to her defence, saying Andre must be having an off day

This has him upset cause he doesn't have an off day he always knows he's the master of his craft

They leave to go get snacks at the Dupain-Cheng's, and he gets akumatized

They fight the akuma, and Kitsune still won't let them rush in without an actual proper plan but the duo are slipping past her more and more

The fight ends and Kagami goes back to Andre one more time, on her own, to give him one last shot

He smiles all soft and gets her a bowl with three small scoops- at her confusion he says it took him some thinking to realize what it was

"you're not broken, there's nothing wrong with you. You just have more love to give, and so do your matches"

Plural

Despair Bear

Chloe is preparing to have the girls over for a bit of a slumber party, in an attempt to bond and show that she doesn't need Adrien there to keep her in line she can be good on her own

They do a few things around the hotel and it starts off awkward but slowly, with lots of nudges from Alix and Sabrina, things start to smooth out

That is until they go up to Chloe's room to get some nail polish to use while they watch a movie

Jean is in there, and believing that the others wouldn't be coming into Chloe's room, he's taken Mr Cuddly out of his little hiding place and is tucking him under the blanket on the bed

Someone kinda snickers like "wow Chloe nice doll" and because of how stressed she is mixed with mortification of being embarrassed in front of the people she was trying to win over she kind of snaps

Alya probably made the comment and meant it to be teasing but Chloe isn't used to her tones and she's had a long night of frayed emotions

She's very emotional and kinda shuts herself away in the bathroom after lashing out at Jean, who exits the suite with the bear only to be akumatized

Alix and Kagami have to slip away awkwardly and Alya starts recording, sending Kim the notif that he needs to transform and help out

There's a small moment with maybe idk either Juleka or Marinette with Chloe alone, comforting her while she tries to calm down, believing she just undid all of her and Adrien's hard work

Talk of blah blah we all make mistakes, you didn't mean it, you can't change what happened but you can own up to it and all that

Of course then the fight happens

During the fight Kitsune's plan nearly fails, only succeeded when Crimson and Chartreux give it the good old Jocks Improv shit

After that's all over Chloe and Jean share a moment, Chloe telling him about how she didn't mean to snap at him it was a build up, and about how much she appreciates how much he cares for her

He apologizes for not asking her before moving her stuff, and nudges her back to her party while he tells her how proud he is of her progress (notably he doesn't say how proud Mr Cuddly is)

The girls go to watch their movie, Chloe taking Mr Cuddly proudly. This prompts some of the others to bring out their little comfort items too

So yeah here are the plans for the next few Jocks episodes! I'm excited, I've watched season 2 and some of 3, and I've got big plans ahead! I'll probably drop the next Differences post before I get to writing the Collector at this rate but oh well

Let me know how y'all feel about these and if you have any suggestions

[an-army-of-nightmares]

Porcelain Jekyll au

-

This is gonna be long so heres a tldr

TLDR: Jekyll gets taken to a sort of real nightmare party full of dolls, if he misbehaves they'll kill him and if he's a perfect gentleman he'll turn into a doll. There's a branch where he's rescued and two where he turns into a doll

--

•The au starts with Jekyll going to sleep, timeline honestly doesn't matter as long as Frankenstein, Jasper, and Jekyll are all around. Could start where tgs currently is? But Jasper doesn't accidentally wake Jekyll up in his panic

•"The Party of Dolls" is basically a supernatural nightmare? I haven't found a better explanation but basically it's a nightmare that's real and happening, while still "just" being a nightmare. It takes you to like a different dimension while you sleep basically? (The party of dolls isn't the only one but that's not relevant)

•The dolls invite specific people, they invite people who want to be perfect. People who dont want anyone to hate them or find a flaw. Jekyll fits this perfectly

•Jekyll is taken to the party. He tries to be polite despite being unnerved. There's another human at the party, he doesn't learn the man's name before the man gets ripped apart by the dolls for shouting

The dolls target specific people, but they can still take "fodder", people they know will immediately break the rules. So that their actual guests can learn what happens if they are impolite. The dolls also surround guest on all sides, and have them in the exact middle, so that the guest cannot just run out

•Jekyll is terrified, now knowing he'll die if he does something wrong, he tries his best to be perfect

•Unknown to Jekyll, if he's "perfect" he'll start turning into a doll. Ultimately it's a die or die situation

•Jekyll does start to notice the porcelain creeping up him, its be hard not to. He is very much (silently) panicking. But,, the more porcelain on him the more calm he becomes, the more he acts as if this is a simple party and nothing is wrong

•Eventually he reaches a point where he'd actively resist being taken away from the party, but still not fully covered by porcelain

A quick note, Hyde can't do anything about the situation. He wasn't invited and the dolls are suppressing him so much he can hardly even tell what's happening, or leave the mindscape. He's absolutely terrified about this because he can Feel something is wrong and everything is just becoming more and more suffocating

Now onto the branches! There are 2 and a half branches for this au!

Branch 1: Jekyll gets rescued

(Assuming this takes place at Chapter 11 Page 8)

•Jekyll is asleep on the couch, Jasper rushes in the room like his panic on the page except this time Jekyll does not wake up at Jasper's sudden entry. Jasper, noticing Jekyll is asleep, silently contemplates on if this problem is really worth waking Jekyll. Because on the one hand he's probably overreacting in his mind, but on the other Jekyll is really the only person he can panic to?

•He decides not to wake Jekyll, and wait until it's properly morning or noon?, now that the panic is a bit subdued he probably still has stuff to ask Jekyll

•He goes up to find Jekyll is still asleep, and Zosi frantically pawing at Jekyll's chest, occasionally nibbling him, and seemingly really wants to wake Jekyll up. Jasper tries to wake him up but it seems no matter how hard he tries Jekyll stays asleep

•Seeing how Lanyon probably isn't in the Society at the moment (and besides Jasper is pretty sure Robert dislikes him) and he's currently avoiding Rachel. Jasper cant ask Jekyll's friends if this is normal behavior. Why doesn't he ask the lodgers? Maybe a combination of they all seem busy and still being a bit intimidated by them? So he goes to his last best bet, Frankenstein. She's, kinda a doctor and has traveled quite a bit, so she may know whats up with Jekyll and why Zosi is panicking

Note: This whole decision happens in like a few seconds while Jasper is panicking

•Frankenstein does not ease Jasper's worries

•Ah, I guess there has to be some sort of tell, something that makes it clear someone is in one of these "supernatural nightmares" and that Jekyll is specifically in the party of dolls. Idk yet what that tell would be. But Frankenstein knows and thats all that matters

•They take Jekyll back to the attic, lock the entry, and make preparations for a rescue mission

•Frankenstein will be going in to try and distract the dolls while Jasper will be looking for Jekyll. Creature is there as plan B in case the dolls get hostile towards them (as Creature is fully capable of lifting them all up and running out of there. And the dolls are very likely to get hostile towards them)

•They get in, how? I have no clue. But they do. Probably a potion?

•Jasper quickly finds Jekyll and tries to convince him to leave. Much to Jasper's concern, Jekyll doesn't want to leave, and keeps brushing the danger off

Frankenstein and Jasper dont know much about the nightmare. Its likely all they know is that its filled with dolls and people who are "invited" are never seen again/found dead

•Frankenstein's distraction consists of pointing out flaws in how the dolls act. The dolls keep finding excuses, but eventually become agitated with her

•Japser notices the porcelain on Jekyll and loudly panics, attracting the already agitated dolls attention

•Creature picks them all up and runs towards the doors. Jekyll is greatly struggling against this rescue attempt, but once they get out of the building and onto the stretch of yard before the exit Jekyll calms down significantly

Jekyll did not actually calm down, but rather Hyde managed to weasel control after they left the building. Hyde absolutely does not want to be at this party, and Jekyll's struggling could've jeopardized the rescue

•They get back! Whatever porcelain was on Jekyll falls off him with ease. He's angry for maybe half a day or more. But when the doll's control completely leaves him, he's nothing but relieved

Sidenote: It seems reasonable that this whole experience would leave Jekyll with a fear of going to sleep. Perhaps give him something that can deter these types of nightmares? A desire for the comfort of another person, at least in the room, while he's asleep?

Branch 2: Jekyll fully turns into a doll

•Well either Jekyll went to sleep at his own home or some place where no one would think to look for him, as if he was right in the society they'd certainly take notice that something is wrong

•Jekyll fully turns to porcelain. Once he's a full doll they give him new clothes (the sand/beige colored suit I tend to draw porcelain Jekyll in)

Previously, Jekyll had been wearing the suit he wears at any formal party, like the ball in An Army Of Nightmares

•Porcelain Jekyll gets back to the real world. This is not entirely out of the ordinary for the dolls to do. If a guest was reasonably young or famous they'll be returned once a doll, to make themselves more known or respectable before they "die" and go back to the party full time

•Zosi notices something is Wrong while Jekyll is asleep and tries to wake him up to no avail, Zosi can't bark for attention and he's scared of leaving Jekyll alone, the few times he does go out to find someone he's largely ignored or avoided, or they misinterpret what the zombie pup wants. When Jekyll does wake up, Zosi immediately notices that it's not Jekyll, at least not anymore. Zosi knows he's supposed to get rid of any evil creatures, but this was once Jekyll. So the pup runs away and avoids him instead

•ooo I dont want to describe this whole branch? This has already taken way longer for me to write then I want XD, just check out this reblog chain about it bsksndks

•

Branch 2 ½: Jekyll dies

•Jekyll fully turns into a doll, however instead of entering the real world his real body simply dies. He's found rotting in bed. "Jekyll" however, is still in the party. (Fun fact, this was the original plan for the au)

-----

Extra notes:

▪All the dolls in the party were once people, except for maybe one or two? A handful? But it has long since been lost who's who. And it never mattered

▪Lanyon would not have ever been invited to the party. He doesn't seem to want to be a gentleman, and he knows too much about etiquette to be fodder either

▪Jasper is a proper candidate to be invited, and in branch 2 "Jekyll" is giving him alot more lessons on how to be a proper gentleman, planning to invite Jasper to the party at some point

▪The party always has a host that they cycle though, the host talks to guests a bit more than everyone else

▪Porcelain Jekyll gets to keep his new clothes when returning to the real world

[dovewingz]

ok heres my ghost/unfinished business au nobody asked for. it doesn’t have a solid plot or anything yet lol so its more like a string of ideas

summary: actually im just quickly adding this because these notes are A Bit Long. basically after hollyleaf kills ashfur he becomes a ghost instead of going to starclan and they get stuck together. this becomes especially apparent after hollyleaf runs away into the tunnels and gets lost (fallen leaves isnt there in this), so she and ashfur have to work together. it was made for the laughs (because the trope of two enemies being forced to work together is Funny to me), but it definitely has some angst/character growth potential and thats what i like in my stories :)

everything stays the exact same up until ashfur’s death

so a little while ashfur dies, he wakes up in the living world and quickly realises hes a ghost

for a while he just wanders around aimlessly, but there comes a distance where he cant go any further. when he tries to travel past a certain point, his wound really hurts (as tho it were fresh) + bleeds blue ‘blood’

while hes discovering that, hollyleaf is back at camp freaking out because she can feel fresh blood on her paws and the fur around her mouth feels damp (even tho she already washed herself clean). she assumes this is her guilt/trauma manifesting itself

something something something thunderclan find ashfur’s dead body + bring him back to camp. he follows them and realises that nobody can hear/see him (although hollyleaf seems to tense up everytime he says something. hmmmm)

he gives up on trying to push past the magic barrier and stays in thunderclan in hope things will sort themselves out or smth. he avoids holly at first bc to be honest hes a bit scared of her. occasionally it feels like shes looking directly at him which freaks him out

maybe like half way through the moon (since he died on the night of the gathering) he finally approaches her. hes in the middle of insulting her probably when she yells at him to shut up !!!!! which Definitely shuts him up momentarily because Wait You Can Hear Me????

holly is trembling + panicking, begging ash to leave her alone. she assumes this also isnt real/is her guilt n trauma manifesting. the rest of thunderclan are very confused/concerned. it all results in holly running out of camp and ash following her

insert emotional scene/fight where ash is trying to explain himself but holly is panicking so much that she attacks him. her paw swipes/claws over his neck wound which causes him to quite literally disappear. ashfur is suddenly gone and holly starts to calm down

a little while later ashfur blips back into existence. ‘what the fuck’ he thinks and immediately goes to find holly again 

alright alright thats as much ‘solid’ plot as ive got. here are some other ideas that will be worked in tho

holly gradually becomes less panicked by ashfur being there (partially bc it becomes more obvious that he isnt an actual threat, just a nuisance). however she does continue to believe he isnt real for a while

this is a contributing factor to her revealing the truth abt her parents at the gathering, cause she believes it’ll some how ‘set her free’

ofc this plan does not work as after she runs away, ashfur is there in the tunnels with her. but now hes actually stuck with her bc they are genuinely lost in the caves. in this au there arent many exits and fallen leaves isnt there to guide her

(idk what happens to fallen leaves in this but the important thing is hes not in the tunnels with holly. ive left some ideas for him below for my fallen leaves fans)

so basically over time holly/ash realise that this is some ‘unfinished business’ stuff and that they HAVE to help each other if they wanna stop being stuck together

its kind of like purgatory/punishment for ashfur (helping the cat he tried to kill + who killed him) and then also a way for holly to deal with her Own family issues

also yes holly essentially reenacting his death/attacking his wound makes him disappear for a little while. he literally just blips out of existence. this is very annoying, for him

and yes also the ‘magic barrier’ is dependent on where holly is. ash is tied to her. idk how far out he can go before hes kept back but he probably cant leave the caves

at some point holly will find the exit but quickly realise that shes not ready to return to thunderclan yet. an emotional, heart-to-heart moment for them or whateva

while these notes have been very general/a bit serious i do wanna say that i initially created this au for the laughs. like ashfur is so very annoying & holly is deeply done with him. it really is just the trope of ‘enemies being put into a room and having to work things out’

i guess its a bit of an ashfur redemption au which i know is not everyones thing. i wouldnt call it a ‘everybody forgives the bad guy!’ au tho and more ‘bad guy realises that he messed up and learns to be better’ with a bonus of ‘enemies to sort-of-begrudging-friends’

potentially ashfur dies for holly during the great battle + fades bc i know that i want her to live. if he doesnt then ash will probablyyy go to starclan because i cant see any other afterlife quite making sense for him

spare fallen leaves notes for u

idea one: he also has some kind of unfinished business or connection to jay’s wings/jayfeather/the three. after he helps jayfeather in the power of three he goes elsewhere (where? idk)

idea two: he never dies in the tunnels in the first place. he makes it out alive and becomes a sharpclaw

idea three: he does get lost in the tunnels but after finding a way out, he takes it

[wannabemobwife]

Guns, Glamour, Goodfellas - Chapter 6

Chapter 6: An Offer He Can’t Refuse

Dad!Mob!Tom Holland x Mom!Mob!Reader

-Pairings: Tom Holland x Reader, Rosie Holland x Henry Osterfield, Parker Holland x Platonic!Henry Osterfield

-Warnings: Language, small smut, always a lot of dialogue, idk if there is anything else.

-Words: 3.2K

Author note: The driving test thing actually happened to me. I failed twice and then passed 3rd time. Feel free to leave comments or message me directly your feelings while reading the chapter. Always love hearing from you guys.

Chapter 6: An Offer He Can’t Refuse

Words: 3.2K

The Holland household was about to retire for the night. The lights of the rooms had been flipped off and the exit and entrance doors locked. When, SLAM, the sound of the front door shutting echoed through the house. It shook the pictures on the walls and knocked over a vase, spilling the delicate flowers.

Parker couldn’t stay in that house a minute longer, not after what he just learned, what he just overheard. Tom was in his office along with you, contemplating what to do next.

“What the hell was that?” You questioned as you sat on Tom’s lap.

“Sir?” William entered out of breath. “What is it William?” Tom asked, sounding concerned. “Parker just left.” “He what?” You asked. “He walked out of here,” William explained.

“Why the fuck didn’t you stop him.” Tom yelled, steam basically coming out of his ears. “I didn’t know what I was supposed to.” “Tom, come on. We have to go find him” you screamed, rushing out of the room.

“I’ll deal with you later,” Tom said sternly, pointing his finger at William as he fled to get his car keys.

Driving around aimlessly on the streets of London. You were scared for the safety of your son. Parker coming home today with bloody knuckles showed you a glimpse of his future. A life of unapologetic dealings, making him question his morals once in a blue moon. You wanted more for your son. You would be proud of him regardless but, you wanted him to be happy.

Tom, in the past, suffered from nightmares, ever since your kidnapping. He would wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night screaming your name.

“Y/N? Y/N!?! NOOOO,” Tom screamed in his sleep.

“Tom? What’s wrong?”

“Y/N? Y/N! You’re.. you’re—,“ Tom gasped, coming out of his sleep

“Tommy, shh, I’m right here. I’m right here,” you whispered trying to calm him down. “Y/N, thank god you are okay. I thought I lost you,” Tom exasperated, trying to calm down his harsh breathing. “I’m right here, it was just a nightmare.”

“Can I just hold you for a little while?” “Of course, Tommy” you said as Tom started to fall asleep in her arms. You could feel his soft tiny breaths on her neck. And all was right with the world.

That euphoric feeling was associated with being in love. You were happy your son got to experience it for as brief a time. You didn’t know Charlotte all that well, be she made Parker happy. He had to grow up so fast, it wasn’t fair.

“Y/N were not going to find him, we should just go back home.” Tom said to you. “No, we’re gonna keep looking,” you replied, you couldn’t leave your son out in the cold all night.

“Wait, Tom stop the car. STOP THE CAR!” You thundered.

“It’s Parker,” you said, hopping out of the car.

“Parker? What are you doing?” You questioned as he kept his strides, moving away from you.

“Get in the car, let’s go home,” Tom explained.

“No. I’m not going anywhere with you,” Parker yelled, continuing to walk away. “Parker stop fucking around and get in the car!” Tom yelled.

“Fuck you, dad. I’m done. When were you going to tell me that you are the reason. SHE IS DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU!” Parker raged, pointing fingers left and right. “Parker get in the car and we can talk this out,” you pleaded. “No, mom. I love you and I’m sorry. Don’t worry about me I’m staying at uncle Haz’s tonight.”

“PARKER GET BACK HERE!” Tom screamed.

“Let him go Tom. He’ll be back, I know he will,” you said, holding Tom back.

In this moment, Tom felt like he lost Parker for good. They had a good relationship but, were growing closer because of the mob. Finally something to bond over.

The night had fallen a few hours later and Parker was walking through the deserted streets of southwest London. Coming up upon a house he had known all too familiar, Henry and Harrison’s abode. After a few knocks, he was surprised anyone answered the door at this ungodly hour.

“Parker? What are you doing here?” Henry answered half asleep. “Can I stay here tonight?” Parker asked directly, not inviting anymore questions.

“Yeah, of course,” Henry agreed. “Henry who the fuck is it?” Harrison yelled, coming down the stairs. “Oh, Parker… Do your parents know you are here?” Harrison asked, surprised to see the boy on his doorstep. “Yeah, I just can’t go back there, not tonight,” Parker explained. “Alright then, you can sleep on the couch,” Harrison said. “Thank you sir,” Parker said. He didn’t sleep well. It wasn’t the couch, the couch was rather comfy, it was all the thoughts running amuck in his mind.

Why the fuck would his family arrange the death of girlfriend? Why would his dad put on a show of pretending to look for her killer? Who the fuck were his parents? Mrs Owens, Charlotte’s mom, was right he and his family are in the business of ending lives and Parker had already gone too deep.

He was woken up by Henry coming down for morning coffee. “Hey. How’d you sleep?” Henry asked lowly. “Shitty,” Parker replied. “Henry I swear to god are you shagging my sister?” Parker screamed, addressing the invisible elephant in the room. “What she told you?” “Maybe. How the fuck could you do that. She’s my sister!” “Mate you got it all wrong. We aren’t shagging, just dating. Ok?” Henry explained.

“Alright, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me though. Also don’t break her heart or I will hurt you,” Parker said only to be returned with chuckles from Henry. “I wouldn’t dream of it, she’s amazing. I think falling in love with her. By the way, that was a shitty threat. You’re a mobster and that’s the best you could come up with,” Henry ridiculed.

“Fuck you. Can I have some coffee?” Parker proposed. “Sure, but you gotta tell me what happened last night. Never in a million years have you ran away from home,” Henry asked, genuinely concerned. “I overheard my dad on the phone, he said “it was Dom who arranged the hit.” I have never met a Dom, never seen him around the house. I don’t think he is the one who pulled the trigger but, if he’s the one who gave up my location he might as well have,” Parker exclaimed. “Jesus, Parker. This is some fucked up shit. It sounds like your dad didn’t have anything to do with it anyway.” Henry mumbled, not to deliberately defend Tom

“I know he did. I’m done talking about this.” Parker asserted and Henry just nodded in response.

“Oh shit! Is today the 23rd?” Parker asked, afraid it was. “Yeah, why?” Henry replied, confused by the look of terror on Parker’s face.

“I have my drivers test today and I can’t believe I have to see my dad. Ugh!” Parker exclaimed.

Parker was doing his best to avoid the estate. He didn’t have a change of clothes or a toothbrush, he’d have to go back at some point. The fact that his driving license exam was today majorly screwed up his plans of ignoring Tom.

He was ready to get his license and had been practicing quite a lot. He stopped after his accident cause it hurt to drive but, getting a license was the first step in becoming an adult and earning more freedom, something he desperately needed.

What he needed the most was to get out. He wasn’t bred for this type of life. Killing, torturing and breaking the law took a loose morality that he didn’t know if he had. Parker was hurting and Tom was responsible. Parker felt like he needed to make Tom pay but, how could he hurt his own father. He couldn’t, he wasn’t some villain in a movie, he was only kid.

Deep down Parker loved Tom but, it was hard to love the person responsible for the bomb that blew up your life. Parker had to hit Tom where it hurts. Parker wouldn’t dream of hurting you but mobsters were brutal. He had heard the stories in the past of mobster’s hurting you to get to Tom. People would think rival mobs would want to come after him and not you. On the contrary, people associated with the mob were heartless, spineless creatures. They loved watching someone beg for their life and someone fall apart, knowing everything has been stripped away from them. Leaving them vulnerable and utterly alone.

The thing Tom loved most in this world, but he would never admit it, was his mob. Being apart of the mob gave Tom purpose. He didn’t know what he would be without it. He was too devious to be a wall street guy and too adventurous to be a stay at home dad. Tom didn’t run the mob for money, it was simply pleasure.

Devising the plan to take Tom down from the inside out required more planning than ever imagined. Parker’s main focus was to find the person that despised Tom the most. Someone who could make Tom’s blood boil at the utterance of his or her name.

Parker had Harrison drive him to the DMV, fully expecting to see you, but his heart stopped when he saw Tom. Barely acknowledging him, only nodding when Tom muttered something. Rosie was there also, taking her test at the same time. She hadn’t practiced as much as Parker but was confident in her driving ability.

Just like the driving license exam, Parker was the first to go. He waited in driver’s seat, in line, on the side of DMV. Trying to not let his nerves get the best of him. The examiner instructed Parker to start the car, do his hand signals and make his way out of the parking lot to begin the test. The entire process was routine. The whole thing only spanning about 20 mins, then it was Rosie’s turn.

Parker came out of the car, thrusting the paper that signified his passing in the air.

“I passed! I passed! You’re looking at the newest driver of the Hollands,” Parker exclaimed, extremely giddy.

“Rosie Holland?” Called out the driving test examiner. Rosie stood up and took a much needed long breath.

She wasn’t one for cracking under the pressure but, did have trouble being judged. As a child Rosie used to participate in gymnastics, she gave it up as she grew more and more self conscious with age. Later switching to a mix of after-school activities celebrating the arts. She very much enjoyed choir and drama, occasionally dance. “I know you’ll do great honey,” Tom reassured her. “Thanks, dad,” Rosie murmured, ready to face her biggest fear, judgment.

The exam was the same as Parkers. The examiner asked for her to show all the buttons in the car, the hand signals and exit the parking lot safely. The test also only took 20 mins, however when they pulled up she wasn’t as ecstatic as Parker was.

“I didn’t pass,” she mumbled, trying to not let tears fall. “Oh baby, I’m so sorry. You can always take the test again. Parker, can you take her to the car while I run to the restroom,” Tom said, bring his daughter into a warm embrace. Parker nodded in return and led the way. Now, it was only Tom making his way into the DMV to give the examiner an offer he can’t refuse.

“I’m sorry sir, I heard that you didn’t pass my daughter but you passed my son. I’d like to hear your reasoning for such a grave error. I don’t understand they are both excellent drivers, I’ve been driving with them for months.” Tom asked, he wasn’t going to let his baby girl cry over something so basic as a driving test.

“She only turned her signal on at 100 feet before the light and not at 150 feet before,” he explained. “That’s complete and utter bullshit and you know it. I would greatly appreciate it if you were to pass my daughter, Rosie Holland, as in Tom Holland. I’m sure you’re not as stupid as I think you are. Am I right?” Tom threatened.

“I’m so sorry, sir, I wasn’t aware of who she… who you are,” pleaded the examiner. “It’s alright, just consider it a warning. Now, should I call my daughter back in here so you can give her her license?” Tom asked as the examiner nodded, almost fearful for his life. Tom’s reputation preceded him everywhere he went. What good was his reputation if it couldn’t put a smile on Rosie’s face?

Tom quickly sent a text to Parker saying “Come inside with Rosie.” In a few minutes they were there and the examiner apologized for the confusion and passed her.

“I can’t believe I passed! Dad can you drop me off at Henry’s? I want to tell him the good news,” Rosie cheered.

“Sure darling. Parker, are you staying there tonight?” Asked Tom. “No, I need new clothes,” Parker mumbled.

“Good. Your mother misses you,” Tom responded. Tom didn’t know how to address everything. Everything had gotten so screwed up. How was he supposed to explain to his son that his grandfather is the reason Charlotte was dead?

Pulling up to Henry’s house, Rosie practically jumped out of the car. She couldn’t contain her excitement to see the person who made life worthwhile. Just looking at his greenish hazel eyes gave her butterflies.

“Henry, I passed! Wanna go for a drive?” Rosie asked, twirling his keys on her fingers. “Sure, let’s get some dinner.”

They went to a nice restaurant in downtown London. Henry had the whole night planned out. Take Rosie to a lovely dinner, go on the London Eye, confess his true feelings and drive back to spend the night with his girl.

Love was new to both of them. Just learning the fact that when you are in love, you become half of a whole. The dinner was lovely, they went to a little Italian restaurant called Casa Nostra and fell in love with the ambiance. Rosie order a shrimp scampi and Henry ordered a pizza. She made fun of him for taking her to such a classy place and only ordering pizza. Not even a luxury pizza with truffles or sausage, just classic pepperoni.

After dinner, they made their way to the London Eye. Rosie and Henry had both been there before, but they enjoyed watching the city from that height. As they reached the top, Henry pulled Rosie close. How did he get this lucky to have her in his arms. He wouldn’t know what he’d do without her.

“Rosie, I have something for you. Hold out your hands,” Henry said, pulling out silver a necklace with a H and a R on it.

“Oh my god, Henry. It’s beautiful,” Rosie exclaimed admiring the dainty jewelry. “You’re beautiful,” he responded, causing Rosie to blush.

After a few moments of silence along with staring deeply into each other’s eyes, Henry chimed in, “Roo, I think I’m falling in love with you.”

“Henry, I know I’m falling in love you.” Smiles both envelop their faces as they pressed into a kiss.

They made their way back to Henry’s house and found comfort on the couch. Rosie and Henry put on a movie but barely paid attention to it as they were both too consumed in each other.

As the movie played in the background, clothes were discarded one after the other. First Rosie’s shirt and Henry’s was soon to follow.

“God, you’re so beautiful,” Henry whispered nuzzling himself between her breasts.

“Henry,” Rosie hummed as his hand traveled to the waistband of her jeans. He started to fiddle with the button and zipper, ready to take this love fest further.

Rosie was not ready for that. God she loved him but Rosie wanted it to be more special. Especially since the last time she almost inadvertently lost her virginity was at that party.

“Henry... stop,” Rosie said, trying to hide her timid tone. He immediately pulled away, halting all movements.

“Roo, what’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry but I want to wait. Is that ok?”

“Rosie, of course. I never want you to feel pressured. We’ll wait as long as you want,” Henry assured.

“Thank you. Now that that’s out of the way. Can we go back to kissing?” Rosie questioned, missing the taste of his lips.

“Of course, baby.” He chuckled, smiling into the kiss.

Henry placed his hands on her hips and brought her into a loving kiss. She immediately kissed back, opening her mouth wider to allow entrance for his tongue, deepening the kiss. Nothing could get more perfect than this moment.

Meanwhile, Parker was having an awkward dinner with you and Tom. Tom had refused to talk to his son and you were giving Tom the cold shoulder because of it.

“Thanks for dinner. I’m going out,” said Parker as he exited the dining room. “Where are you going?” Tom asked, tired of all his games. “Like I said out,” Parker exclaimed, leaving without a single goodbye.

Parker drove to hotel and casino downtown called Aurelia. He had contacted a fairly new friend for information on Tom’s rival. Jazz, aka Jasmine Ramsey a contract killer, was starting to become quite the informant to Parker. She enjoyed bouncing around even though her allegiance with always be with Tom secondly, after herself. She didn’t become a master assassin by not playing on both teams. The valets parked his car as he walked toward the hotel.

Coming up to concierge to ask “I’m here to see some guy called Wilson.” “Is he expecting you?” asked the concierge. “Doubt it, tell him a Holland needs to talk to him. I’ll wait,” Parker said, really coming into this new role.

“Right this way Mr. Holland,” Parker was escorted to the 11th floor, almost like a penthouse.

“Tommy boy, what’s this concerning? You have some balls showing up. I could have you dead on the spot.” Spoke the mysterious mobster, from his dim office. Parker stood in the doorway, this was his last chance, he could leave right now and not screw over his father. But it was too late.

“It’s not Tom. I hear you hate my old man. Something we have in common. I’m here to offer my services,” Parker said, confidence fading.

Swallowing the lump in his throat and hiding the sweat marks on his face, those were all huge tells of lying. He could be dead in 5 seconds flat if they thought his motives weren’t pure. “What the fuck do you think you have to offer me?” replied the cunning mobster. “I’m Tom Holland’s son, anything. Take your pick Wilson.” Parker concluded.

That was it. There is no going back now. Parker was what they would call a double agent, only if he was a spy. Nope, he is a mobster and he is now a rat. People have been killed in front of their family for far less.

Betrayal is the ultimate crime, having someone you trust just turn their back on them. Whatever Parker just did, changed everything. He could never go back. He started a war and this was just the beginning.

Guns, Glamour and Goodfellas Masterlist

Taglist: @thenoddingbunny-blog @adriannauni @dummiesshort

[aclosetfan]

the pet peeve/pettiest opinion i have abt this fandom is how sometimes ppl portray the blues w/o any substance and/or any sort of depth like they do the greens and reds🤝

I don’t even think this is petty, it’s just true 🤷‍♀️ it seriously irks me to no end. I’m so glad you brought this up!!! lmaooo short response is I 100% agree with you.  unfortunately, I agree with you so much I wrote a whole freaking essay, which can be found under the cut. I could rant about this all day long. I don’t even care. The blues are such a disappointing couple :( I wish fic writers would cut out the cutesy pure bs that you find so often with these two.

I really think that the biggest problem with the blues (and Boomer) is all rooted in Bubbles’ characterization. I think she’s the most difficult for people to write because she’s the least “problematic.” And a lot of people don’t know what to do with her because no one can relate to unproblematic. She’s written as (excuse the annoying early 2010s expression, but it fits) the perfect cinnamon bun and there’s no conflict if a character doesn’t have some kind of internal conflict, they’re boring! They get tossed to the side!! Blossom is often written struggling with leadership and perfectionism. Buttercup is often written struggling with impulsiveness and aggression. People relate to them because they’ve “gone through things” most people have experienced themselves. Fic writers like writing Bloss and BC for the same reason because you can only write what you know! But shoot, writers still got to place Bubbles in somehow! So she’s either an airhead, or a crybaby, or too innocent/naïve, or the uwu character, which is good for a few laughs but 🤷‍♀️ it gets pretty 2D and old real quick. Her biggest issue in the show was people babying her, but usually, that conflict is written off in fics with one simple “OH so she’s actually a badass” scene and that’s like it?? It’s never visited again?? (Even though all her solo episodes focus on her accepting who she is despite what others think so idk if badass scenes actually do her justice. She’s a lover not a fighter at the end of the day tbh.) It’s understandable though. I struggle with Bubbles because I’m not as optimistic as her character, and I certainly don’t relate to being “the joy and laughter.” It’s hard writing someone whose fanon character is interpreted as practically flawless. In ppg fics you’re also juggling a big group of characters, so it’s advantageous to rely on the simpler archetype tropes. So, I think it’s easier for people to set Bubbles up in a relationship than explore her more thoroughly since she’s the sensitive one who would be into the lovey-dovey stuff. Further, if you want to give readers a break from the heavier themes of your main plot, having a cute side pairing is a good safe escape. Not a lot of thought is needed to make those relationships work. And since Boomer’s just there and also underdeveloped, they get paired together. And because people (rightly) want to stray from the predator/prey trope because Bubbles is just so Pure(tm) and the trope feels assault-y, writers make Boomer inherently good. But now you’re just stuck with two good, cute characters. That’s it. And because their plot in the story revolves around their romantic relationship, it's their relationship that is the only thing that aids in their character development. The blues make up the lighthearted B-plot (but probably more like C-plot because the greens are usually B-plot material) The blues seem to follow two tropes: 1. Pure childhood crushes—Boomer was always good and wants to do good by Bubbles and she wants to “protect” him from his “mean” brothers 2. Bubbles “fixes” Boomer, but he really doesn’t need any fixing in the first place because he was good all along, he just needed encouragement. (Weird side note, have you noticed how Bubbles is always like “Boomie you’re NOT stupid” and then all the sudden it’s like the boy has a PhD) And I'm not faulting anyone for having a b-plot relationship with the blues. If it’s done right, being in a relationship does wonders for people! But relationships are work and without the blues having their personalities developed OUTSIDE the relationship, there’s no “work” to be done. They’re just the Perfect Couple and it’s boring. Don’t get me wrong, I like the pairing (it’s v cute), but what’s nice about the greens and the reds is that each individual character has usually been personalized (Butch not so much, in my opinion, his character generally revolves around BC, but bear with me for argument's sake), which makes their relationships with other characters fun to read. The greens and the reds are flushed out because their most basic archetypes are the most relatable and easiest to write. The Blues, though, just seem to get together. Bubbles is a hard character to write, so by default, so is Boomer. They have no conflict outside each other that would trigger character development. They flirt, sometimes Bubbles resists, then they’re together. She’s the cutest thing ever and he’s a simp for it. Easy, fluffy, they fade to the background because now that they’re together what happens to them next?? Irl people either get married or they break up. Most of these fics are high school AUs, so they can’t get married, and no one wants the cute ones to break up, so they just start to enter and exit the story as convenient segues. And that’s disappointing because individually they could be so interesting. Bubbles has to struggle with the fact that people infantize her. Her ideas are often dismissed, people treat her like a ditz, and her ability to be a hero is often called into question because she’s the one who seeks peaceful alternatives, and when she DOESNT seek those alternatives, people in the show freak out and become scared. Like I said before, most bubbles centric episodes focus on her accepting her sensitive side and using it to overcome a conflict. Also, HIM’s like her main villain in all her episodes. and, shit, one of her nicknames is literally Chubbles. She’s been called fat a few times. There’s so much a writer can do with her conflict-wise. Optimism and sensitivity don’t equal naivety, we don’t have to make her Pure. In fact, it’d be way more fun to see her trying to show everyone that she’s no longer a child but a young woman. And Boomer has like 3 episodes, right? Maybe 4? Literally in all of them, he’s a bratty little boy. He carries slugs in his pockets. He’s bad at trash talking. Easily distracted. Fights with his brothers. Dumb and chaotic. Good at spitting. He doesn’t put Bubbles on a pedestal. He wants to beat her up. He’s not a good guy. Bubbles thinks he’s cute. That’s literally all we know about him lmao. He wouldn’t be soft so why would what we know translate into a boring unproblematic underdeveloped boy?? You can write him unfulfilled. You could write him stuck in his brothers’ shadows. You could write him as a weirdo who’s obsessed with bugs (to match bubbles animal obsession). In my head, if Brick’s the smart one and Butch is the strong one, I make Boomer the charming one. And charming boys are dangerous boys 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️he probably had to charm his way out of plenty of dumb situations. I also make him unluckily lucky since he gets captured by the girls in one episode, but he still makes it out just fine. Everything bad that could happen happens to him but Boomer’s like “eh 🤷‍♀️ It’ll blow over. Lol already died once. What can ya do?” So you've got a girl who is never taken seriously and a boy who takes nothing seriously and yall really think their relationship would be unproblematic??? Individually, these two characters could be fun to write if the fic author plans it out correctly! Idk why their relationship wouldn't be either. If you want a compelling romance, you’ve got to make compelling characters. 

[xiaodejunletsact]

8 letters | park jisung

word count: 18,247

genre: highschool!au, baseball player!jisung, a lot of angst and fluff. childhood friends to enemies to friends to lovers lmao

warnings: mentions of bullying, a lot of emotional baggage from jisung’s part, physical fighting, basically lots of high school angst.

author’s note: hey everyone! im finally back from the dead lol, thank you to everyone who has waited to long for this and sent me nice messages, they really encouraged me :) anyway, a couple of things you guys should know before you start are: i tried to make this jisung a lot like real jisung idk if i did but i hope it worked lol and i tried to make as unfiltered of high school experience as you can get. so jisung faces bullying and social pressure in this and the 2000 line and chenle are all the same age as jisung in this. its a long one but i really hope you like it! thank you! (Btw!! this one is for all my 2002 liners who are going into senior year, lets make this year the best one yet!)

synopsis: 4 years ago, you and jisung’s long term friendship came to an abrupt end. now in senior year, the two of you find yourselves being forced together again by your mothers. suddenly, jisung begins to ask himself what is more important: his reputation or you. 

alternatively; 

if all it is is 8 letters, why is it so hard to say?

It had been a long time since you sat at the polished marble table that resides in the Park Household. The mix of colors on the table are weaved with bittersweet emotions as you stare down at them, the spaghetti his mother had served you grew cold as you took in the words your parents were throwing at you.

“We know you guys don’t really get along as well as you used to but the streets are getting dangerous nowadays. Just the other day they jumped a kid from your school!” Your mother says, exasperated. Her eyes were wide as Jisung’s mother nods her head in agreement across the table. The conversation has been going on for a half hour now, despite your clear distaste for the argument.

“I get that, mom. I just don’t see why I can’t just walk to school with Renjun.” She sighs at your words, making eye contact with Jisung’s mother across the table. You tear your gaze away from them to Jisung who scoffs in response to your words. “Is there something funny Jisung?”

“Our moms want us to go to school together so we can be safe, and you want to walk with that twig? He can’t protect you for shit.” He spits out at you, his mother giving him a warning to watch his language before you reply.

“And you can?” He falters momentarily at the sharp gaze you send his way, before shooting one back. Your stare down ends only when your mothers tell you to settle down.

“Jisung has a car now, y/n. It’s safer and you won’t have to take the walk to school every morning… I don’t see why you can’t just do this.” She looks at you with a pleading look, the type she knows you’ll give into. You shift your gaze away from her face and sigh. Jisung speaks up.

“Shouldn’t I have a say in this? It’s my car!” He sounds as frustrated as you feel. His mother laughs.

“Remind me, who pays that car?” This shuts him up immediately, producing a chuckle out of you  while he huffs. Your mothers watch the interaction with a sigh. “Please guys, we just want you to be safe. You guys used to be best friends! How hard can it be to spend 20 minutes together?” 

-

Very hard. 

The air in the car is thick when Jisung picks you up the next Monday morning, the silence between you two is filled with an indie pop album that plays on the radio when you get in. 

The inside of his car smells strongly of cologne, though it’s unfamiliar to you. You figured he started using it after you guys stopped being friends; it wouldn’t be the only thing that has changed while the two of you were apart. Like the bright laughter and easy conversations that one surrounded you two, that is now replaced with thick silence and tension. There’s also Jisung, who seems a lot more mature now, who joined the baseball team and became one of the most popular guys in school or the fact that he has a car and also the fact that he hasn’t talked to you since he told you he didn’t want to be friends anymore at the beginning of your freshman year of highschool.

Even now, you try to figure out what changed. What tables turned in Jisung’s head that caused him to react the way he did towards you. At the time, you supposed it was one of those friendship fallouts you see in movies, where things just don’t work out; that’s what split you two apart. However, you know that wasn’t the case when Jisung arrives the following week to school, contacts replacing his round glasses you loved so much and his arm wrapped around Jessica - the most popular and bitchiest girl in school. You recall the nauseating feeling you got when you saw him; it being the exact moment you realize that things had really changed, that this wasn’t just a friendship fallout, Jisung cut you out of his life so he could start a new one. 

Without you. 

Though it took a while, you began to realize that the Jisung you knew was long gone, no longer will he be fanboying to you about a new video game he’s into or a baseball game he has watched over and over. No longer will he be putting cute sticky notes in your locker. No longer was he your best friend. He was now popular guy every girl in school had a crush on, that wears his hair up and hangs out with the resident school asshole jocks. 

The best thing you could do was ignore it, pretend it didn’t happen by stuffing all of his things deep in your closet and never looking at them again. You occupied your thoughts by making new friends and picking up new hobbies, which led you to Renjun -who helped you through everything and was there for you when Jisung wasn’t. He took your mind off things and kept you busy and although he was your rock and you appreciate his company and friendship immensely, there are still times where you find yourself falling down the rabbit hole of questions and thoughts surrounding the Jisung situation. 

When your mother suddenly starts questioning what happened, where he is and saying that she misses him. You can only shrug as your mood dampens at his mention, rushing to your room and holding down the words that are threatening to escape:

Me too.

Your thoughts are interrupted by the sound of an opening car door, you barely have any time to process the scene in front of you because Jisung is already rushing into the gates of the school. Leaving you alone in his car. 

You watch as he jogs up to his jock friends and becomes one of them. He puts on his baseball jock skin and fits right in like he was never the boy who would sneak into your house when he was feeling lonely. 

He wasn’t anymore.

 You unbuckle your seatbelt and exit the car and walk into school, preparing to do what you do best: pretend it doesn’t matter.

-

You try especially hard to pretend it doesn’t matter as you wait for Jisung outside the school for two hours after the dismissal bell has rung. Your foot taps impatiently on the ground as you send him a 4th text asking him where he is. You can’t help but feel embarrassed; he stood you up, left you stranded on there and is on his way home probably laughing his ass off. 

You were foolish to think he would actually hold up his end of the deal and just be a good human being this once. You sigh and shake your head, trying to brush off the embarrassment off your mind as walk towards the school gates, starting the journey to your house. Trying your best to not think about it until the sound of your shoes against the sidewalk is disturbed by the sound of Jisung’s voice.

“Hey!” 

He’s standing near the entrance of the school, his hair wet, his torso covered is a loose T-shirt, different to the one he was wearing this morning and his chest was heaving like he had been running. You’re too far away to tell if the look on his face is upset or confused. “Where are you going? Get in the car!” You scoff at him and march your way up to him. Pointing an accusing finger at him you spit out. 

“You left me waiting here for nearly 2 hours! I was going home!” Jisung looks at you with a confused expression before shrugging his shoulders.

“I had baseball practice, I thought you knew.” 

“How would I know? I don’t keep up with the baseball team. You didn’t tell me either.” 

Jisung sighs and open the door to the passenger gets side, “Can you just get in so we can go?”

After staring harshly at him for a few seconds, you reluctantly get into the car. Jisung closes the door behind you and you watch as he walks around the car to the drivers side, seating himself before starting the car.

At first you drive in silence, which you figured is better than fighting, until Jisung turns down the radio.

“Since the season is starting, I’m gonna have practice everyday after school for the next few weeks.” 

You nod at his words silently planning in your head what the hell you're going to do at school for 2 hours. Before you can think of a reply, Jisung turns up the radio, signifying the conversation is over. You bitterly settle back into your seat.

-

When you arrive to your street, Jisung pulls into his driveway and just like this morning, rushes out of the car and into his house like you have the plague, without sparing you a word. 

You cross the street from his driveway to your own and look back at his house one last time. The light of his room is turned on now, you can see his silhouette faintly through the curtains as he moves sound his room. You shake your head as you look away, rushing into your house without looking back.

-

Maybe it’s the fact that you’ve interacted more with Jisung in the past two days than to have in the past two years or maybe you were just feeling nostalgic, because there could be no other reason you find yourself reaching into the deepest part of your closet later that night, taking out the box for the first time since you bid that part of your life farewell all those years ago. 

It’s covered in a thick layer of dust that floats through the air as finally bring it out. You take a seat on the floor of your room and place the box in front of you, taking a deep breath before taking out the first item. A handheld mirror. 

You instantly find yourself smiling, the mirror had been a birthday gift from Jisung. You flip it to see the faded words written on the back, that cause your eyes to gloss over: 

“E`````very time you tell me that you hate the way you look, I lose brain cells bc you’re one of the prettiest girls out there. Please see what i see. Happy birthday, y/n - Jisung <3”

You remember using the mirror for practically everything after receiving it, feeling that it somehow made you beautiful. You turn it once again and look at your crying reflection, and you can’t help but think that maybe the effect has worn off after so many years. 

Wiping your tears, you continue to pull out items which mostly consisted of small drawings, key chains and picture frames. The last thing in the box was one of Jisung’s sweatshirts he had given to you a few days before he told you he didn’t want to be friends. You pull it out and examine it, you had worn it many times before he had given it to you but it still had his smell lingering on it. You don't know why but suddenly you’re being engulfed in his scent and your body is covered in warmth, the hoodie wrapping around you feeling so familiar it brings tears to your eyes once again.

You decide that you didn’t care if this was Jisung’s hoodie. It’s your hoodie now and you can wear it whenever you want (of course deep down you know that’s just an excuse to feel close to him once again.) 

Just as you’re about to start putting the items back in the box, you notice an envelope at the bottom of the box. You gasp gently as you pick it up, hands wrapping around the old worn out envelope, thick from all its contents. You spill them onto the floor and feel a tear drop down your cheek as you see all the different colored sticky notes splayed across your floor, all containing motivating messages and small drawings to make you smile. Jisung would give you one everyday and you would give him one in return, although you doubt he has kept his. 

Hundreds of papers that accumulated during the long years of friendship stare back at you. You cry as you read through them; some sweet, others silly and some that made your heart flutter even now. You try your best to stop your tears as wonder how all of these notes that meant the world to you, could cease so easily as if it never mattered. But then again, after the way things played out, you figure it never did.

-

Your interactions with Jisung for the rest of the week consists of nothing bit of small talk and one word responses. Until 4 days later, on Friday morning, Jisung breaks the silence after turning down the radio.

“You know, you should wait by the bleachers after school from now on.” 

His words produced a confused look on your face. The bleachers? You had just found a comfortable spot at a picnic table where there wasn’t many people that you comfortably do homework while you waited for him after school. “Why? What’s wrong with the picnic table?” 

Jisung’s grip tightens on the steering wheel as he searches his mind for a response, “It’s outside of the campus, something could happen to you.” 

Your eyes widen as you take in his words, did he just imply that he cares about you? After all these years, is the caring Jisung you knew coming back to you?

“And my mom would kill me if something happened to you.” He adds, you’re sure that if he were to have been looking at you, he would have seen you visibly deflate. You should’ve known better.

“I’ll be fine at my picnic table by myself.” You miss the perplexed look Jisung tried to conceal as you disagree with him. He rushes to search for another excuse to get you to do as he asked.

“The,” he pauses before adding quickly, “your picnic table is at the farthest point to the parking lot, i have to wait an eternity for you to get there after practice!”

You scoff at his selfishness and look out the window, “I’d rather you wait a bit than expose myself to those man eating baseball jocks.” It is a mutter, but Jisung hears every word.

“Man eating baseball jocks?”

“Yes, man eating baseball jocks. They’re all a bunch of assholes.” 

Jisung scoffs, offended. “We are not!” 

“I didn’t say you were, I said they were.” Your words seem to ease the tension in his body as he relaxes a bit in his seat before saying: 

“They’re… not that bad.” He doesn’t sound too convinced himself, his words sound forced and fake. Even then, you turn to him with a shocked look.

“Not that bad? Those guys terrorize almost everyone in our school and traumatize underclassmen.” You click your tongue, frustrated. “After everything they did and said to us, you’re telling me they’re not that bad?” 

It’s Jisung’s turn to be shocked at our sudden outburst for a few seconds before he composes himself once again, “That was back then, y/n. People change.” 

You stop yourself from reaching up as grabbing onto your hair in frustration, sitting back in the chair and looking out the window. You then say the words that would cause a longing silence for the rest of the ride to school; words that remain in Jisung’s head for the rest of the day. 

“I know that better than anyone.”

-

Jisung ponders your words for the rest of his day, absently staring at blank walls and laughing it off when his friends call for his attention. 

He knows that you have every right to be mad at him but he couldn’t help but feel knives prick at his heart as he runs the memory of you saying those bitter words that held so much weight and sadness to them. He reminisces all the times where he told you he would always be there for you, that he promised to be by your side forever, and tries to stop the stinging in his eyes. He wishes things could go back to the way they were, that he could tell you how sorry he is and you guys would be best friends again. 

As he stares at himself in the bathroom mirror, he shakes his head slightly, reminding himself that this is for the best. He tries his best to conceal his bloodshot eyes, rubbing his hands over his face and staring back into the mirror. Jisung practices his fake smile (although he’s almost a professional at it considering how much of that he’s been doing) in the mirror, and does what he always does: adjusts the new skin he has given himself and pushes old Jisung into a cage, throwing away the key. 

It’s for the best.

-

You chuckle halfheartedly at something Renjun says as you walk down the hall after school later that day. You feel a bit guilty that you’re giving your friend only a quarter of your attention but you can’t stop your mind from being preoccupied with Jisung. The guilty feeling  in your heart after your harsh words to him this morning being the only thing  on your mind when a hand wraps around your wrist, stopping you in your tracks and demanding your attention.

“Come with me.” Jisung stands towering above you, you give him a confused look, making a pathetic attempt to take your wrist out of his grip, only to have it tightened.

“Why would she want to go anywhere with you?” Renjun barks at Jisung, who sends a glare his way. 

“Because I’m her ride home, asshole. And I don’t want her sitting centuries away from the parking lot and then leave me waiting for her.” 

Renjun scoffs and moves forward only to have your free hand press against his chest, pushing him back. “Renjun, it’s okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Renjun shares an uneasy and concerned look between you and Jisung. You reply by nodding your head and smiling reassuringly, which causes him to finally cease and pull into a quick goodbye hug before walking towards the school gates.

Jisung pulls your arm, dragging you towards the bleachers where he sits you down with the calm words, “Wait here.” 

Your eye roll is a 7.1 on the Richter scale.

-

The rowdy baseball team leaves the locker room loudly, alerting you of their presence immediately. You take in a deep breath and try to make yourself as unnoticeable as possible though, you know your plan failed when a shadow is cast onto the notebook sitting in front of you. 

“Look who it is!” Over you stands, Jeno: captain of the baseball team (and mind controlling leader of all the jock minions. He is man eating baseball jock at its finest.) 

He smiles down mockingly, bringing himself closer to you. “What’s wrong princess? Cat got your tongue?” The taunt causes you to roll your eyes, moving to pack your stuff before things got bad. 

However, you figure Jeno’s plans seem to be different when he rips your backpack out of your hands and throws it on the ground next to you. He grabs your jaw harshly and forces your eyes to meet his, he speaks again, only this time, he says it lowly for only you two to hear. 

“You trying to get back in Jisung’s pants, huh? After all this time you still don’t understand that he doesn’t want you. He’s one of us now, y/n.” Jeno clicks his tongue as he pulls away and watches the emotions that inevitably settle in your eyes, no matter how much you try to conceal it. He laughs and reaches into his gym back, pulling out a water bottle and taking a short sip. He smirks and before you know it the cold liquid is being poured over your head, soaking your hair, clothes and school books. Jeno laughs once again, “You’re such a pity party, y/n.” 

Humiliated, you avert your gaze from him and meet eyes with Jisung, who watches the scene with an expression you can’t quite pinpoint, silent and making no attempts stop Jeno. Not that you expected him to. Even then, you get the same angsty feeling you get every time you realize he’s not who he used to be. 

You realize that holding in your tears is harder than you thought it would be when Jeno finally leaves, you pack your things as quickly as you possibly can and bolt out of there. Leaving a conflicted and guilty Jisung behind.

-

All that’s to be heard around you as walk home is the sounds of your small sniffles and the thud of your sneakers on the pavement below you. 

The cool autumn wind blows against your wet clothes and causes you to shiver, your body growing colder. 

Frustration and humiliation push you to walk faster as you feel the presence of a car moving slowly beside you. Jisung rolls down the window.

“Y/N! Get in the car!” 

You turn your face to him and begin walking faster, practically sprinting. Once you think he’s finally gone, you hear a car door slam shut and footsteps racing to catch up with yours. 

Jisung grabs your shoulder and spins you around to face him. “Getting home alone will only get the two of us in trouble.” 

You scoff, trying to mask your bloodshot, gloss eyes and emotional state. “Is that all you care about?” 

Jisung is quiet for a few seconds before asking, “Are you crying?” 

You freeze knowing you’ve been caught before turning and beginning to walk away, “Go away, Jisung.” 

Jisung moves to stand in front of you, and speaks in a boardline soft voice. “Just get in the car.” 

“Leave me alone.”

“I’m sorry about what happened, okay? I didn’t think they would do something like that.” 

You remain quiet, taking in his words. Jisung was never one to apologize even when you two were friends, his words shock you momentarily before you remember that this isn’t the Jisung you used to know. Maybe new Jisung says sorry without meaning it like the rest of the baseball jocks do. 

“Aren’t going to say anything?” Jisung masks his nerves over saying those words that are foreign on his tongue with impatience and indifference. 

Another breeze blows and Jisung watches in concern as you shiver, wanting nothing more than to rip the hoodie of his body and cover yours with it. 

“Take me to my house, please.” 

You figure it’s because of the unfortunate weather paired with your unfortunate situation or maybe it’s the fact that Jisung is standing before you asking for you to get in his car and saying sorry to you for the first time in his life. 

You wish it was the former.

-

As soon as the car comes to a stop, you reach for the handle to open the door to no avail. You turn confusedly to Jisung who sits in the driver's seat looking forward hand sitting on the control where the locks of the car are. 

“What are you doing? Open the door.” 

Jisung shakes his head and looks your way, “You never accepted my apology.” His eyes hold something truly desperate and troubled, you are shocked once again at the emotion you see in the boy who has been cold as ice to you for the last two years. 

Still, you recall the events that took place earlier that day and find yourself feeling bitter. “Was I supposed to?” 

“Yes!” Jisung looks at you wide eyed and offended, thinking you would know him enough to know how much those words meant to him.

“You don’t get to decide that, Jisung.” 

He scoffs, trying to mask his insecurities and guilt with frustration. “It wasn’t even that big of a deal.”

You let out your own scoff and turn in his direction, your glassy eyes causing Jisung’s stance to deflate slightly. “It was to me! I was so humiliated by those jerks and all you did was sit there and watch! You probably tricked me into going there in the first place, you... set me up. I should've known something like this would happen.” 

Jisung feels the cracks in his heart deepen as he takes in your words, the way you view him now evident. Even then, he tries miserably to defend himself. “I would never do that, I’m.. I’m not that cruel.” 

“I didn’t think so either Jisung. Not today and not four years ago when you left me to be one of those man eating, toilet licking jocks!” You look him straight in the eyes with your tear filled ones, “But you said it yourself: people change. And I don’t know who you are anymore.” 

The cracks go further down until they’ve snapped off completely, splitting Jisung’s heart in two and letting the pieces sink down his chest, pass his lungs to his stomach where he thinks it will remain for the rest of his life.

You, on the other hand, can feel nothing but the fear and embarrassment of having shared too much. Your hands move on their own as you attempt once again to open the door. 

“Y/N I-“

“Open the door, please.” This time, he does. No words filling the air as you rapidly gather your things and basically run into your house leaving Jisung alone in his car. 

Poor Jisung looks down at his poor hands, clenching and opening them to feel like he has control over something in his life. 

He’s not who he wants to be. He wants to be able to outwardly fanboy about video games and baseball to you like he used to. He wants you to call him stupid but still show interest to whatever nonsense comes from his mouth; he wants you.

His new skin has never fit this badly before.

Why the fuck is high school so hard?

-

When Monday morning comes around, Jisung holds his sweaty hands against the steering wheel of his car, waiting in front of your house. You’re late, (23 minutes to be exact; not that he’s counting) the fact making Jisung think that maybe Friday was the last straw for you, and that you were done trying to tolerate Jisung even for your mom’s sake. 

Even though he knows you have every reason to hate him, the mere thought makes it harder for him to breathe.

Deep in thought, Jisung doesn’t notice the figure walking towards the passenger side of his car until there is a knock on the window that causes him to jump. 

Jisung calms down upon seeing your mother at the window, an amused/slightly concerned look adorning her face. 

“Honey, I’m sorry for scaring you! I thought you saw me coming!” She chuckles out the last words and all Jisung can do is laugh nervously in response. “Anyway, Y/N isn’t going to school today, she has been sick all weekend. I think she got caught some rain on Friday and has a cold, she’ll be better soon I’m sure.” Your mother stops her rant to send an apologetic look Jisung’s way, “I’m sorry you had to wait, I told her to let you know so this wouldn’t happen, I guess she didn’t.”

Jisung shakes his head, “It’s okay, ma’am. I hope she feels better soon.” 

She gives Jisung a motherly smile that he has missed so much. He remembers all the days he would spend at your house and how your family basically became his own, all the times she would give him that smile before ruffling his hair. Jisung feels his eyes glass over and looks away. Your mother seems to notice and says in an affectionate, motherly tone: “Honey, everything is going to work out in the end.” 

Jisung sniffles as he lets tears freely fall down his cheeks, “I don’t know what to do.” 

She just smiles and leans further into the car, just enough to be able to reach out and wipe the tears from his cheeks. The familiar motherly gesture from her making him feel a little at ease for the first time in 4 years. 

“What do you want to do?”

What does he want? 

He wants to play baseball, he wants people to like him, he wants to be captain of the team one day, he wants to be the Park Jisung everyone loved and wanted to be. 

But… he also wants to be able to be the Park Jisung he used to be, who would obsess over video games and hang out at your house more than his own, who had you as a best friend and didn’t have to go to school worrying about his reputation

-

Now pacing a few feet from your front door, left hand holding a bag carrying your favorite soup and right hand rubbing nervously at his jeans, trying to get the sweat off of them, Jisung thinks that maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. 

What if your favorite soup changed?

What if your dog doesn’t like him anymore?

What if you don’t want to see him and tell him to get out? 

What if- 

“Jisung?” 

He nearly gets whiplash from how fast he turns to face your father who stands at the doorway smiling. “Long time since you’ve been here, what’s up?” 

Jisung laughs nervously, “Yeah, it’s  been a while…” He pauses, unsure on whether to ask for you or not. 

Then he realizes, just like your mother, your father was a second father figure to Jisung all throughout his childhood, he sees right through him and smiles knowingly. “She’s in her room.”

-

Your house hasn’t changed one bit since he stopped coming over. The same beige carpeted floors and the same pictures of the walls, even some of the two of you together as kids. 

He hears thudding on the floor and suddenly he’s being knocked over by a giant ball of fur that licks his face and excitedly wags its tail. Jisung feels some weight lift of his shoulders as he pets the dog, “I missed you too, Jojo.”

It’s strange how everything can be exactly the same but at the same time totally different. How everything between you two turned cold and these walls and this home were just waiting for him to get some sense knocked into him and come back finally. 

Maybe the walls weren’t the only ones waiting. 

-

After knocking on your door for several minutes with no response, Jisung decides to open the door a crack, just enough for him to be able to look inside and see you fast asleep. He ponders over what to do at your doorway, nervously looking at you from the door frame. 

After considering his options, he opts for just leaving the soup on your desk and leaving quickly, hoping your father tells you he stopped by. However, as he sets the bag on your desk something draped over your desk chair catches his eye. 

His sweatshirt.

Jisung reaches for it hesitantly, hand shaking for a reason he can’t pinpoint. His fingers meet the soft material of it’s fabric and he feels himself remembering all the times he had seen you the sweatshirt whenever you stayed over at his house. He recalls the night he walked dolefully to your house with the sweatshirt in his hands, on his way to cut things off with you. At the memory, he immediately reaches into the pocket, letting his hands search through it until it comes in contact with something.

It’s still there.

He wonders if you haven’t read it, or if you did and stuffed it back in the pocket and pretended you hadn’t, choosing not to dwell on the boy who left you.

He also wonders if you wear it, if you ever think about him when you have it on.

 If you get sad or if it’s warmth reminds you of the good times you spent together. Jisung grips the material in his fingers and brings it up to his chest. Eyes closed, he presses the sweatshirt close to his body. 

It smells like you. But it also smells faintly of him. Jisung smiles as breathes in the mixture of scents that brings back good memories. 

He can’t believe this sweatshirt as managed to keep the two of you together as he tore you apart. His want to fix things with you grows stronger and stronger as he stands in your room, gripping onto his sweatshirt.

Jisung hears a gasp and his eyes snap in your direction, your previously laying figure sits straight up on your bed with a frightened face, your hand over your heart. He freezes, unsure of what to do. 

On the other hand, your body relaxes slightly as you realize that it’s just Jisung and not a crazy axe murderer, although you can’t even imagine why he would be in your room right now. 

“Jisung?” The boy flinches as you say his name, before dropping the item he had previously in his hands onto the floor. You direct your vision to it and see his -your- sweatshirt which makes your confusion grow further. “What are you doing in here?” 

Jisung can’t help but look at your window like he wants to jump out of it. This was definitely not how it was supposed to go. “I- uh well uh your mom told me that you were sick and I thought that maybe you- wanted something to eat? I don’t know. So like I stopped by to bring you this soup. You don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to I just figured since you were sick and stuff you know… maybe you would want some… soup.” He finishes off his rant by pointing to your desk where he had set the bag earlier. 

You almost laugh at how awkward he’s being, though your confusion outweighs every other emotion. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you bring me this soup? Why are you in my room right now?” Your defenses start to come up as you realize how personal the situation is. 

Jisung is standing in your room for the first time in 4 years, he was holding the hoodie that used to belong to him and he brought you soup from the place you two used to go as children. 

Does he suddenly want to remember? Is this him trying to get back what he gave away?

“I just -“ He sighs, averting his gaze from you to the ground. “Look, I know what I did is terrible and that… you probably hate my guts after what happened… but I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry about everything that has happened between us, including Friday, I just… wanted you to be able to see you and know that you were safe. Not for my mom but for me. I’m sorry for not defending you when the guys did that to you. I let my fear get the best of me like I always do.” He pauses to take a deep breath, simultaneously looking up finally to meet your eyes, you feel your heart contract at the sight of his red, tear filled eyes. “And I’ve been using my moms wishes as an excuse to be with you after so many years but it’s time you finally knew that truth, and it’s that I miss you and it’s sad but spending this week with you has made me feel more than I’ve felt in the past 4 years,” he hiccups as he speaks, “and I know that you probably don’t want anything to do with me and I get that. I really do but no one knows me like you do. No one. And you know I wouldn’t say this if I didn’t mean it but I’ll say it again and again and again…” A tear falls from the corner of his eye. “I’m sorry, y/n.”. 

You feel like you’ve been punched but also kissed and hugged tight after Jisung ends his emotional rant. 

His words cause a division in your heart and mind over what to make of them. 

Your mind says that this will end up like the last time, you’ll buy into all his fake promises and tears and fall for him all over again, only for him to leave you to pick yourself up after he decides he’s had enough of you.

However, your heart gives voice to the fact that this Jisung is strikingly similar to the Jisung you knew once upon a time. He is nothing like the Jisung you’ve seen for the last 4 years who is cold and mean; he is vulnerable and soft spoken, this Jisung just poured his heart out to you and is now standing with his arms wrapped around himself, awaiting your reply.

“Jisung, I-“ you stop yourself and try to choose words carefully while your heart and mind have a heated debate. “I think it’s best if you go.”

The way Jisung curls even further into himself makes your heart hurt, screaming even louder to let her opinion be heard. Fresh tears gather in his eyes that he immediately blinks away, nodding slowly. “I understand.” 

“I’m sorry, I just don’t know what to make of all this.” You try your best to not make him feel too horrible while simultaneously protecting yourself. 

His broken voice comes stuttering out, thick and sad, “Don’t be sorry, please.” 

He spares one last look your way before disappearing through your bedroom door. You hear his quick footsteps as he practically runs out of your house, leaving you alone with your conflicting thoughts and cold soup.

-

The energy of the events that took place in your room earlier seemed to still be circling around the room, bouncing off the walls and onto you. Sad and conflicting thoughts running through your head 100mph, leaving you restlessly tossing and turning in your bed later that night.

You sigh as you stare up at the ceiling, finally giving into the thoughts that have kept you awake. 

What did this mean to Jisung? 

What tables turned in his mind that caused the stone cold boy to come into your room (while you slept) with an order of your favorite soup to break down in front of you and go on a rant about how sorry he is?

And if he’s so sorry, why did he do it in the first place?

What changed from Friday to now?

Just when everything was getting better, why did Jisung have to come back into your life and make it complicated for you?

Should you forgive him? 

There’s a chance you could get your best friend back… but there’s also a chance he might break your heart again. 

You shove your blankets to the floor in frustration, rising off your bed and waking across the room to your light switch. However, on your decent, you step on something soft, only to realize that it’s the sweatshirt Jisung had been holding with tears in his eyes just hours ago. 

A sudden confusion washes over you for a different reason, why had Jisung been inspecting the sweatshirt in the first place? You curiously begin to reach into the pockets, immediately feeling the texture of paper on your hand. 

Your eyes widen as you pull it out, dropping the sweatshirt back onto the floor. The slip of paper is nearly folded and worn out at the edges, like it had been that way for a long time. Once unfolded, these slightly blurred words stared back at you: 

‘My y/n, please understand and please keep me as your favorite boy after this. I’m so sorry. When it’s time, please forgive me -Jisung’

You don’t notice that your eyes fill with tears until they’re dropping onto the small paper below you. 

Friday hadn't been the first time he said sorry to you, it was in this little slip of paper years ago.

You were sure he had put the paper in there knowing you probably wouldn’t find it, because there is no way you would’ve let him leave you if you heard those words then. There was no way you would let go of him.

There is no way.

-

Jisung seems shocked when you knock on the window of his car the next morning.

He had been waiting in front of your house, only 25% expecting you to actually ride to school with after what happened yesterday. Just as he was about to give up and begin his journey to school you present yourself before him with a familiar sweatshirt draped over your figure. 

He’s speechless as you get into the car and settle into your seat, only opting to talk a few minutes later. 

“What does this mean for us?”

He’s hopeful. God, he wishes he wasn’t this hopeful. 

You smile slightly, “I read your note… and I went through some of the letters you gave me a long time ago and some of our other stuff. And… I decided that if you’re really sorry, and if this isn’t some kind of sick prank… then maybe we can be friends again.”

Jisung tries to bite back his wide smile as you finish your sentence, but fails when a giggle leaves his mouth. He’s so so happy. This is the happiest he’s ever been.

You can’t help but smile as well, watching how giddy Jisung got, “What is it?”

Jisung gives you a close lipped smile and shakes his head slightly although, there is still a big smile waiting to break free. He remains that way while he puts the car in drive and pulls out of your street and onto the main road, where he suddenly says: “Does this mean I’m still your favorite boy?” 

Now it’s your turn to hold back a smile, “Maybe.” 

This time, Jisung lets him smile free, allowing you a view of his pretty, gummy smile and crescent moon eyes. He drums his fingers on the steering wheel and smiles all the way to school. 

-

Things at school remain the same after that. 

You two pass each other in the halls as if you were strangers, which, you admit, does leave a slight sting in your heart. However, that sting is overshadowed by how much things have changed between you and Jisung outside of school. 

No longer is the air thick or is there a silence that falls over you two as soon as you get in his car every morning. And no longer do you race out of his car as soon as he parks it in front of your house. Now, the atmosphere in the car is full with playful banter and laughs (with the occasional snorts.) 

It’s a light feeling; like you’ve put the last 3 years of your life behind you and have defied gravity and are currently floating multiple feet in the air, Jisung’s laughter and playful words surrounding you entirely. 

Even though things aren’t how they used to be, in some way, they are better. The new Jisung and the new Y/N get along surprisingly well despite what you may have thought. 

Especially at times like these, when Jisung hops into his car excitedly, animedtaly telling you to strap in quickly. 

“Where are we going?” You ask, though you’re smiling and slowly fasten your seatbelt. Jisung’s hands comes to rest on the back of your seat and he drives the car in reverse and out of its parking spot.

“You and I are going to Billy’s.” His gaze shifts to you briefly, before focusing back on the road, still smiling. He misses the way your eyes widen and your whole face brightens.

“I haven’t been there in a while.” You say, the driving boy nods in understanding.

“Me neither,” he progressively breaks his car until it comes to a stop at a red light. He takes this chance to look over at you and smiles softly, “We can go back together.”

-

Once you get to the ice cream shop, Jisung leads you to a table inside. “Wait here. I’ll go order.” You watch as approaches the counter, smiling brightly at the cashier, who greets him enthusiastically. Exclaiming for the whole shop to hear.

“Jisung! You’re finally back, man! It’s been ages!” You recognise the voice as that of Jaehyun, who had been a new worker when you and Jisung were regulars here. You’re shocked that he even remembers him. “Where have you been? Where’s your girl?”

Jisung’s face flushes, he clears his throat, “My girl?” 

“Yeah! What was her name again…” There is a pause in his sentence before he snaps his fingers, finally remembering. “Y/N!” 

Even though you knew what was coming, you still startle at the sound of your name; you anxiously await Jisung’s reply which comes a bit later, “She’s right over there.” He points to you and you immediately look away, pretending you weren’t listening. Jaehyun looks at you in shock before turning back to Jisung.

“It’s difficult to keep a girlfriend for that long in high school, I’m glad to see you guys together.” 

Jisung looks over at you once again except this time, you don’t look away. A soft smile rests on Jisung’s face. 

“Yeah, me too.”

-

“So I’m your girl?” 

You and Jisung are on your way home now with ice cream filled bellies after sitting in the shop and talking for 2 hours. You were wondering if you should address his interaction with Jaehyun the whole time, afraid that you would be overstepping. However, once the words leave your mouth, his cheeks flush a deep shade of red; darker than the one at the shop and enough to make your heart flutter but also swell with pride.

“Well, he said that.. And you know, I didn’t want to correct him or make him feel embarrassed or anything so I just went along with it. But if you mind, next time we-”

“I don’t.”

“Huh?”

“I don’t mind.” You’re feeling especially brave today, wanting so desperately to keep that blush on his face. 

Jisung looks over at you for a split second with a bewildered look on his face, coughing a bit, he answers in the most stable voice he muster, “okay.”

His answer is a calm and collected one, but his insides are all jumbled up and going crazy, the butterflies in his stomach reeking havoc.

-

3 days later, you sat at your desk with a thick textbook sat in front of you, you had been tentatively reading the pages for about two hours now, trying to cram as much information as you could for your test tomorrow when you are suddenly startled by a ‘ding!’ coming from from your phone. You smile as you see the message gracing the screen. 

jisung park [10:38pm]: hey :) 

jisung park [10:38pm]: you still up?

y/n [10:40pm]: yeah, studying

y/n [10:41pm]: what are you doing up?

jisung park [10:43pm]: i was about to go to sleep, then i saw your light on. decided to text you.

jisung park [10:45pm]: just wanted to check on you

Your heart speeds up and you allow yourself to smile widely, you begin to type a reply but halt as soon as you see the three dots appear on your screen indicating the Jisung is typing.

jisung park [10:47pm]: don’t overwork yourself 

jisung park [10:48pm]: wait i have an idea

Suddenly your phone is ringing, Jisung’s contact flashing on the screen only briefly as you answer, “Hello?” 

“Come to your window.” You can hear the excitement and enthusiasm through the phone and walk to your window, seeing the boy sitting by his own  window, curtains pulled back to show his smiling face which becomes brighter the moment he spots your face through the glass. When he speaks his lips move before his voice reaches your ears, but the lag is only a slight one.

“Now its like we’re hanging out, isn’t that cool?” 

You chuckle at the purity of this action and the shyness that drips off his words, “Yeah, how come we didn’t think of this before?”

“I don’t know. I guess i’m just a genius.” He laughs when you laugh at his joke.

The next few hours are spent talking about absolutely everything under the sun, school, friends, a new video game Jisung is obsessed with and the fact that the ice cream at Billy’s tasted better now that you guys went together again. 

Its nearing 1am when you finally look at the time, gasping. “Jisung, its almost 1.”

“Is it?” Jisung brings his phone away from him ear, looking down at it. His eyes widen when he spots the time, “wow, it is.” 

He brings the phone back up to his ear before looking at you, neither of you says anything, only staring at each other and listening to one another’s breathing through the phone. You can’t help but suddenly feel giddy, biting your lip slightly before chuckling, Jisung’s own chuckle following. 

“We should probably go to bed…” You watch as Jisung leans forward resting his forehead on the window sill, sighing.

“Yeah.”

When he makes no effort to move, you laugh and says in a sing-song voice: “Goodnight, Jisung.” 

He smiles warm heartedly before letting his soft voice transmit the words, “Goodnight, y/n.” Before you both hang up, he adds, “You turn off your light first.” 

You do as he says and he bids you farewell before the line goes dead, you stare happily at your ceiling while giggling and smiling to yourself. And in the house across from yours, Jisung is no different, hugging his pillow close and trying to contain his giddy noises. 

You both dream of each other that night. 

-

You knew Jisung was cute, but you didn’t know he was this cute. 

The realization comes 3 mornings after that night, the moment you step into Jisung car to go to school. He immediately shoved his phone in your face. You grow soft as you see the sight on his screen. 

“I made us a playlist!” He says enthusiastically, “so we don’t have to listen to shitty radio every morning.” 

The playlist was titled ‘y/n and jisung’s epic morning time playlist :D’, and it featured songs from all of your favorite artists. 

“I put songs in it I thought you would like, or that made me think of you.” He pauses, his cheeks flushing as he recalls his last words. “A-and some songs that I like too.” He tries desperately to play it cool but ultimately fails. However, you think this is the cutest thing you’ve ever seen. 

“That’s really sweet, Jisung. Let’s give it a listen.” 

Neither of you talk for the rest of the drive to school, choosing to listen to Jisung’s playlist. Which is the only thing heard aside from the occasional hum or drum of Jisung’s fingers on the steering wheel.

-

Once you arrive, Jisung stops you from leaving by grabbing your hand. You turn around to see what’s wrong and sees the blushing face of Jisung who is currently avoiding your eyes. 

“There’s a game today after school… do you maybe… wanna come? I mean, I know you never really go to these games but I thought maybe since we’re like friends now you might wanna come.” He rambles and you try your best to keep a straight face. 

You watch him become nervous at your stoic expression before chuckling, as soon he looks up at you and sees you smiling face he relaxes. “Of course I’ll go, Jisung.”

“Really?” You nod, his smile grows and he’s suddenly leaning over the center console and kissing your cheek lightly, deeming it your turn to blush. 

Jisung smiles smugly as he steps out of his car and walks towards the gates of the school, a pep in his step as he approaches the rest of the baseball team.

-

When you were making your way to the baseball field, you found yourself thinking that maybe coming here wasn’t the best idea. Considering how things went last time you were there and the fact that you and Jisung’s aren’t supposed to know each other in school. 

But now… you couldn't be more glad you came. Not when Jisung is tearing it up on the field, running at the speed of light towards each base, you can practically see the passion and determination to become victorious that takes control of his body and plays vigorously. 

He stands at the 3rd base, sweat dripping down his face, making way down his neck and pooling on the collar of his white uniform. His eyes are watching the player that’s about to bat. Slowly, he crouches slightly, putting his body in a position to run. And immediately after the sound of the ball hitting the metal bat rings through your ears he’s taking off at the speed of light towards home base, easily making it and leaving the opposing team’s players to huff frustratedly in the cloud of dirt that was left behind him. Jisung smiles smugly as everyone starts cheering for his home run. He knew they would never be able to catch him, not even in their dreams. 

It’s kind of hot.

As he walks towards the dugout, his eyes trail over the expanse of the bleachers, searching. You allow yourself to hope that he’s searching for you just this once and wave your hand slightly as his eyes meet yours. His narrowed eyes fully open and a smile graces his pretty face as he raises his hand to wave back before quickly looking away and walking into the dugout, the smile you had caused remaining on his lips.

-

Jisung is staring at his reflection in the locker room mirror, ruffling his hair repeatedly, trying to get the perfect visual for you, when he feels a hand clap down on his shoulder. He recognizes it as Jeno almost immediately, he tenses up. “There’s party at Jessica’s house tonight, post game celebration, you coming?”

Jisung maps out all the different ways to say no and not get questioned. Looking back on it, maybe the one he went with wasn’t the best idea. 

“I have... diarrhea.” 

Jeno steps back, confused. “Diarrhea? You were just on the field!”

Oh shit oh shit oh shit, “It was one of those sudden ones, you know? Kinda snuck up on me.” He tries to laugh it off, but feels himself cringing. “Wh-”

“Its really bad so i gotta get home as soon as possible or im just going to shit… everywhere. So i gotta go,” he begins to make his descent to the entrance of the locker room, grabbing his gym back quickly before Jeno can question him further. “Bye!” he quickly slips out the door, leaving a suspicious Jeno in his wake.

-

“You told him that?” You say through your laughs, hand falling over mouth as you snort loudly at Jisung’s red face and embarrassed smile. 

“I had no other choice! It was either that or get interrogated by Jeno for another hour.” Jisung can’t stop his own chuckle as he glances over momentarily to see hunched over, laughing loudly. He tries to conceal his laughter but eventually lets it out, “It is kind of funny…”

“Its hilarious!” Another snort leaves you and Jisung finally bursts out into loud laughter with you.

Your laughing fit lasts another few minutes and ends with the sound of your phone ringing. Your mother’s contact illuminates the screen, with laughter still evident on your voice you answer the call. “Hello?” 

“Hi honey, how was the game?” 

“It was good, we’re on our way home now.” 

“Good, well, your father and I decided to go out tonight, you know… like on a little date.” You find it endearing that you’re mother still becomes flustered when talking about your dad as if they started dating yesterday. “So that means you’ll have the house all to yourself, is that okay?” 

Your eyes travel to Jisung, an idea comes to your mind. “Yeah, mom. You guys have fun.” She laughs lightly on the other line saying she’ll make sure to before hanging up the phone.

As soon as you put your phone down, Jisung glances at you briefly before looking back at the road. “Was that your mom?” You hum in response. 

“She told me her and my dad were going on a date,” He chuckles, “that means I’ll be alone tonight...” Jisung nods slowly, not getting the point. You sigh, wondering whether you should even bring it up or not. When you think about it, the thought of you and Jisung alone at your house was oddly… suggestive. Even though those weren’t your intentions at all, the possibility of Jisung thinking that you wanted to get with him made you nervous. 

However, it seems Jisung had the same ideas as you because he’s suddenly taking a deep breath nervously drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. “You know if you don’t wanna be alone… we could hang out?”

You can tell he’s unsure and nervous and the fact makes you feel somewhat better. “You can come over to my house, it will just be us though, is that okay?” 

Jisung turns red which causes you to also turn that shade of crimson but even then, he nods. “Yeah, that’s okay.” 

Neither of you talk the rest of the way home, but the silence that surrounds you is comfortable, only serving to give your erratically beating hearts a break. 

-

“Jojo!” 

Your dog’s ears perk up as soon as she hears Jisung’s voice, quickly standing up to run at full speed past you towards the boy. Who crouches down and lets the dog lick his face excitedly, all while wagging its tail wildly. 

“Jojo! What about me?” 

Jisung laughs when Jojo completely ignores you to shower him with love. On the outside, you pout playfully at him but on the inside, your heart is doing somersaults at how cute the sight in front of you is. ...Also the way Jisung falls right back into his place of puzzle that is your life so perfectly it’s like he was never gone. He looks so at home in your house even if he has grown about 2 feet taller and gotten more mature throughout the years. He’s still the same piece that your puzzle has been missing to be complete. 

He’s still the same.

Jisung notices that you’re deep in thought and walks towards you, also noticing how you smiled slightly. “Is something wrong?” 

You shake your head quickly, smiling. It’s the kind of smile that never fails to make Jisung smile. 

“Nothing at all.”

-

4 movies, a 2 hour long conversation and 3 tickle fights later, you and Jisung are hungry. 

So you find yourselves in the kitchen, scavenging like racoons for anything you can find in the seemingly empty kitchen. 

After 5 minutes of searching and moping and whining from Jisung about how he’s to die if he doesn’t eat right now, you open a cupboard to see what might’ve been the equivalent to gold for you two at this point. 

Ramen. 

Only problem was: it was on the very top shelf and way out of your arms reach. Still, you try and reach the packets of noodles searching your arm to painful heights with small grunts and frustrated groans leaving you every now and then. They are immediately halted by the feeling of a body against your back, towering over you and reaching above for the ramen packets, whipping them off the shelf with ease. 

Jisung’s scent is surrounding you and overwhelming all your senses. When he doesn’t move away, you turn around to face him. You are so close you can feel his breath on your face and you can count every single one of his eyelashes. “Why didn’t you do that sooner?” You attempt to make the situation playful, but your low voice fails you. Jisung smiles slightly down at you before shrugging, “I wanted to watch you struggle for a bit.” His chuckles and flinches at you poke his side with your finger. His face settles into a soft smile as he looks down at you and you can feel yourself blushing. 

Jisung walks closer and closer to you until your fully pressed against the counter, never taking his gaze off you. “What is it?” You question, flustered. 

Suddenly, he raises his hands to cup the sides of your face and leans down to press a lingering kiss on your forehead before pulling away completely, turning to the stove and setting up the pot like nothing happened. 

You watch incredulously as the boy calmly rips open the ramen packaging, setting the water to boil. 

“What was that for?” You question the back of Jisung’s head, his neck is beet red as he shrugs his shoulders. 

“I couldn’t…” He hesitates, before turning around slowly, his eyes are staring at the ground, avoiding your own, “I couldn’t let that moment of courage pass. I’ve always wanted to do that and I was afraid if I didn't do it then, I wouldn't do it ever.”

Forget somersaults, your heart is doing full on acrobatics. 

Jisung looks up when you don’t reply, only to see you staring at him. He becomes increasingly more nervous under your gaze, that is until you find your words finally. 

“I was thinking earlier about how crazy it is.”

“What?” 

“You being in my house and looking like you never even left, how something’s really didn’t change…” you take small steps towards the tall boy, trapping him in between your body and the counter, as he had done to you earlier. “Yet others did.”

The words would’ve sounded bittersweet in any other context, but in that moment, Jisung understood exactly what you meant. He brings his hands up to cup your face once again, but instead of moving to kiss your forehead, he leans down further. 

Jisung’s breath fans on your face and his hands move further into your hair, lacing through it as you two come closer. You can practically feel his lips on yours, his-

“Y/N?” 

The two of you shoot apart quickly at the sound of your mother’s voice, Jisung turns to the stove where the ramen was currently boiling and you turn towards the counter and act busy with your phone. 

That’s how you are when your parents walk into the room, shocked to see Jisung there with you. “Honey, you didn’t tell me Jisung was staying over tonight.”

“Yeah, I forgot, sorry.” You say, your eyes stilling training on the counter top, your mom seems to notice the tension in the air when she asks, “ did something happen while we were gone?” 

You dare to look at Jisung, only to see the blushing boy already looking at you. He gives you a soft, knowing smile and you return it. Turning to your mother, you say, “Nope.”

Which ultimately translates to ‘definitely’.

-

Neither of you bring up the almost kiss you guys shared that night, but boy… did you think about it. While laying in bed, at baseball practice, during the morning car rides when you guys acted like you hadn’t basically confessed to each other just a few days ago.

It was the only thing on Jisung’s mind for the next few weeks, and he knew you were thinking about him too. From the way you would glance at him whenever you thought he wasn’t looking, to the silence that fell whenever you were deep in thought. 

Even though your thought revolves around Jisung, the are much different than the ones in his head. While Jisung was thinking about how you made his life brighter once again, yours were filled with an overwhelming amount of questions. 

What does this mean for the two of you?

Are you two going to date?

And if you do, will Jisung even allow you two to be seen out together? 

Will you be able to be Jisung’s girlfriend, out in the open? 

You remembered every time he had passed by you in the halls, as if you two hadn’t stayed up talking for hours the night before. As if you didn’t know each other. The thought of Jisung keeping you hidden from everyone forever scared you to no end. 

Although you knew that you were in for this when you decided to give Jisung your trust once again, you wondered how long you could handle being hidden, and if it really affected Jisung as much as it did you. 

You try desperately to settle your racing mind by telling yourself that you should just enjoy being with him for the time being, to appreciate the present instead of worrying about the future. 

So you don’t worry when Jisung pushes past you in the halls with the rest of the baseball team and you don’t worry when Jisung trails behind you as walk down the sidewalk when he sees someone from school and you also don’t worry when Jisung tells you to just wait a bit longer.

But you should’ve been worrying. 

You should’ve been worrying a lot.

-

A week later, Jisung tells you to come down to the locker rooms and wait for him there since practice was going to drag on a little longer than usual. 

You do as he says and walk down towards the gym, a pep in your step at the thought of seeing the boy you haven’t had a moment with all day. You movements are halted suddenly as you hear the echo of Jeno’s voice through as you wait by the door of the locker room. Jisung’s familiar voice reaches your ears as well but you can’t really make out what he’s saying. Out of curiosity, you lean closer to the door. 

You hear Jeno’s voice first.

“-That chick has been hanging around you a lot, recently. Are you guys a thing or something?” 

You were aware you were ‘that chick’

Jisung freezes. “ What chick?” 

“Y/N.” 

You tense at the mention of your name, growing nervous at of the things they would say. “Oh…” you hear Jisung say, “Well, I already told you, my parents make me drive her to school.”

“But that doesn’t explain why you guys are always together, I see you after school at Billy’s, you know.” Jeno questions him with no mercy, causing Jisung to grow more and more nervous, racking his mind for any words to get himself out of the situation. “You know I would never date her, man.” He pauses, “I left her for a reason, my mom would kill me if I left her alone every day, she barely has any friends.” 

You feel like you’ve been stepped on by Jisung’s shoe that he keeps twisting and stomping with you under until you’re nothing but dust scattered across the gym floor. “Good, cause that would be embarrassing, dude.”

“Yeah, totally, she’s nobody to me.” Replies Jisung. 

Nobody to him runs towards the door gym entrance and keeps running until she reaches the school gates, desperate to get away from the boy who has successfully, once again, broken her heart.

-

The continuous vibrations of your phone cause a frustrated groan to come out of your body. You reach angrily into your bag and pull it out seeing the contact you had expected to see: Jisung. There’s plenty of texts from him too, asking where you were and telling you that you should probably go home since it’s late. You shut down your phone and shove it back in your bag, taking a deep breath before continuing your walk, despite the heaviness of your feet and the want to just lie on the ground and cry. 

Why did he have to fuck everything up? Just when everything was so perfect? Just when things were getting back to normal, and you two shared the same heart you did 4 years ago, why did Jisung have to remind you of the harsh reality that he cares more about his stupid reputation than your feelings? Why was he such a coward?

So many thoughts run through your head that you don’t notice a car pulling up next to you until you hear a voice shout out: “There you are, I figured you left ‘cause I took too long at practice, hop in.” He unlocks his car and looks at you expectedly. 

You ignore his words and keep walking forward, a new found determination to get away from Jisung and into the comfort of your room, where you can hide under your covers and never come out again. You hear his voice but are to focused on getting away from him to comprehend any of the words leaving him mouth.

That is, until he’s standing directly in front of you. “What’s up with you? Did something happen at school today?” Once he catches sight of your eyes, his widen in concern, hands immediately reaching up to grab your shoulders. “What’s wrong?” 

You push his hands off your shoulders bitterly, “You don’t have to worry about waiting for me tomorrow morning or any day after that, I’m walking myself to school from now on.”

Jisung’s face contorts in panic and confusion at your words. “Woah, what?” 

You make an attempt to walk past him, only for his hand to wrap around your wrist. You meet his desperate eyes with your own, “Y/N, just tell me what happened and… I’ll fix it, okay? Just tell what’s wrong.” 

Your lip quivers as you stare at the boy across you. “I heard you, Jisung.” 

“What?”

“When you were talking to Jeno earlier in the locker room, when you said I was nobody to you. I heard you.” 

Jisung freezes and you watch as the confusion on his face is replaced with realization, and fear. His chest dips more as his breathing grows deeper. “Please…”

You yank your wrist out of his hand which remains suspended in the air between you in shock. “Please? Please what? Forgive you? Why did you say that, Jisung?” You run your hands through your hair in frustration before feeling your shoulders deflate. “I thought that maybe we had something… or that you liked me or whatever but I guess not-“

“I do like you. I do, but it’s… not that simple.” He avoids your eyes like the plague now. 

“Why? Why is it not that simple?”

He breathes in deeply before carefully replying, “You know how it was back then… with the baseball team and the bullying. I don’t want to do that again, I’m… I’m sorry.”

He’s trying to tell that you bring him down. You bring your hands over your eyes to conceal the tears in them and turn away from the guilty boy. “Just let me go home.”

He grabs onto you once again and desperately pulls you against him, hugging you close to his body. “No. Please, I don’t want our friendship to end again. What we have right now is good, let’s just get in the car and we can go to Billy’s and I’ll buy you a milkshake and-“

You shove Jisung away from you and look him directly in his eyes that are filled with regret and fear. “I don’t want to get milkshakes with you! What we have isn’t good! I’m your secret! I’m like a guilty pleasure of yours and I don’t deserve that, Jisung.” Your lip quivers once again as Jisung nods at your words, hands reaching to grab your shoulders. 

“I know that, it’s true. You don’t deserve anything I’ve put you through but please, don’t leave me, I’ll do anything.”

Your sadness is masked by a sudden surge of anger. Want to hurt him the same way he hurt you takes over you as you push his hands off you roughly. “There’s nothing you can do. You wanna know why? Because you’re a coward Jisung. And you have to realize that all your problems would be fixed if you would just grow a pair!” You breathe deeply as you watch Jisung’s face scrunch up at your words. “And this time, it’s me leaving you and it hurts, doesn’t it?”

Jisung watches in silence as you turn and walk around the block,out of his line of vision. 

-

Once the door of your room slams behind you, you lock the door to prevent any questioning from your mother and immediately hide your body under the covers. 

The sound of your soft sobbing flow travel through the space of your dark room. You take this time to let your brain tell your heart “I told you so!” And reprimand it for even thinking that things with Jisung would be any different because he brought you fucking soup. 

You were so naive to even hope that he would give up his stupid reputation for you. That he would’ve said anything else to Jeno that day. That you thought he liked you enough to be able to put you first.

God you were so stupid and naive. 

The frustration and sadness you felt was none like any other, you wanted nothing more than to rip every single one of your hairs and never leave your room again. 

The only source of light into the room is your window, you frustratedly get up, throwing the covers off of you angrily and march towards the window. Once you reach it you catch a glance of Jisung sitting by his own bedroom window, leaning against the frame and looking outwards your house sadly. He perks up when he sees you at your window, he is hopeful. You falter but then remember what just earlier that day and make direct eye contact with him as you let the blinds fall over the window, plunging your room into complete darkness.

Never again.

-

The spot on the bleachers where you sat last time is empty, causing an angsty feeling to rise in Jisung’s chest. The kind he’s been getting a lot recently when he sees you leaving your house every morning without him, and type he gets when he sees you in the halls laughing with your friends, knowing that could’ve been him if he hadn’t been such a pussy.

The rowdy boys around him yell and stretch, prepping for the game ahead. However, Jisung can’t find it in himself to even move, staring at the dirt below his sneakers and ignoring anyone who tries to start a conversation ; his teammates’ confused stares going unnoticed by him. 

As he stares at his feet, he catches sight off the worn down marker ink that you had drawn under his shoe, which you had written a few days before he joined the team, before he walked out of your life. You had been just as excited as him (maybe even a bit more) when he told you he was trying out for the team. He told you to write something that would give him strength on the field; you enthusiastically grabbed a marker and write on the side of his shoe: 

“You’re going to do great today! You’re my favorite boy! <3”

He moves his foot to get a better view of it. A faint smile dusts on Jisung’s face, before immediately disappearing when he remembers what he did and that those days were no longer. Because he ruined it. Again.

“Alright boys! Showtime!” The Coach Suh’s loud voice causes the dugout to immediately grow silent as he begins to discuss strategies with the team, all the players listen attentively. Jisung tries his best to listen to the coach’s words but still can’t focus on anything but that damn empty seat.

-

As Jisung waits in the dugout from his turn to bat he is still not able to keep his mind off you. He keeps trying to focus on the game instead of you but it seems like Jeno has other plans. 

Jisung feels Jeno tap his shoulder to get his attention, when Jisung faces him, he smiles smugly and leans back, crossing his arms.  “You weren’t at the party last night, should’ve been.” 

Jisung shrugs, “I wasn’t feeling it.” Jeno leans forward to whisper into Jisung’s ear.

“That y/n was there, I had to have a go.” 

Jisung feels his blood run cold, nerves and new waves of angsty feelings rushing through him at the thought of you and another guy. Of you and Jeno. It can’t be true. You wouldn’t. “A go?”

“You know, like sex.” He replies easily, laughing. “She said she didn’t want it though. But they always say that, she’ll come around.” 

Heavily breathing, Jisung questions, “What makes you so sure?”

“She’s a slut, Jisung. She’s always wanted to get with one of us. Why do you think she was after you? She’s just a lonely slut looking for some dick.” 

Jisung knows better, he knows your likes and dislikes, she knows that you would never value sex over anything. He knows you’re not any of the things Jeno says you are. “That’s not true… she’s not a.. slut.” 

Jeno scoffs before nudging Jisung slightly. “Come man, don’t be like that, I’m just saying the truth, she’s just a little whor-“

Jisung’s face flushes with anger and his hands begin to shake, before moving on their own and landing a punch on Jeno’s ill speaking lips, causing his head snap back at the force. 

His fingers graze the fresh cut on his lip as he sends Jisung an incredulous look. “What the hell, Jisung?”

Jisung can’t believe he just did that, however, the adrenaline and anger provoked action felt amazing. Protecting and defending you felt amazing. And he’s not letting that go now. 

It doesn’t feel that good when Jeno lands a punch on his face in return. It makes him dizzy for a second, the world spinning while he tries to recover from the blow the stronger boy has given him. 

A sudden determination comes over him, and suddenly he’s straddling Jeno while landing punches on the boy’s already bleeding face, Jeno gets in his blows too. Busting Jisung’s lips and bruising his skin for sure.

It’s unknown to Jisung how long the fight lasts, or how long it takes for the coach to notice what was going on before he leaves the field and rushes into the dugout to stop the fight. 

The Coach’s voice sounds distant to Jisung’s ears when he yells for the to break it up, like hes at the bottom of a swimming pool at a party, listening to the music, talking and laughing of the people above the surface. “Park, Lee! Break it up!” 

The two boys are relentless, struggling against each other on the dirty ground of the dugout. One is battling for his own pride and image but the other battling for so much more: for the person he was, for the girl he left behind all because this toilet licking asshat baseball jock told him he wasn’t good enough.

This is it. Jeno can’t control him anymore.

Arms wrap around Jisung’s waist and pull him off of Jeno, who continues to glare and yell things at Jisung that he can’t make out as Coach Suh drags him out of the dugout away from Jisung. The person carrying him pushes him on to the bench of the dugout. His closest friend, Chenle, begins to speak.

“What the hell was that, man?” Chenle questions, looking at his best friend with a look that was both confused and concerned. Jisung feels the eyes of the entire baseball team on him. It makes him a bit uneasy but even then, he replies as calmly as he could.

“He was saying stuff about Y/N.” Chenle immediately calms, knowing the struggles his best friend has with the girl in question. However, another curious player makes his own question for the boy. 

“Bro, why do you care? I thought your parents were making you babysit her?” He is taken aback by the reply he is given.

“I care because I’m in fucking love with her, man.” Jisung drops his head into his hands, not in shame, but in frustration. Because those words feel so good coming out of his mouth; so honest and pure. And he held back from saying them all these years due to his own cowardly mindset. He ruined all his chances to be with you and betrayed your trust beyond repair. Before he can stop them, tears flood his eyes and a sob claws its way up his throat.

The other players watch their teammate break down after proclaiming his love a girl in shock, standing still, not knowing what to do. Chenle is the first to react by approaching his friend, carefully saying: “You should take a shower to cool off, it’ll help you.” 

Jisung nods weakly and lets his friend lead him to the locker room. 

As he watches the distraught Jisung disappear into the locker room, another player goes on a guilt fueled search for Y/N.

-

The sound of your footsteps echo off the walls of the empty hallway, you’re absolutely positive all the students are at the game. You bitterly think of all the plans you and Jisung had made for this very day. How you guys would get milkshakes after they won, how after the season was over you were planning to tell Jisung how you felt and especially about how all those plans were crushed under the rough soul of Jisung’s playing shoes.

You sigh as you make your way towards the entrance, ready to curl up in bed and forget the world (something you have been getting exceptionally good at recently). When you figure out that -once again- the universe has different plans in store for you. 

The universe comes in form of player number 13, Jaemin Na, clutching on your wrist and halting all of your movements. “Y/N?”

Once your mind registers the face in front of yours, you instantly rip your hand out of his grasp. “What do you want?” 

Jaemin looks slightly defeated at the sound of your tone but tries his best to explain the situation. “Look, I know that I have been absolutely terrible to you throughout the years, i'm sorry about that and I understand if you don’t want  to hear a single word  i have to say but this is about Jisung.” 

You ears practically perk up at the mention of his name and you grow concern as you ponder what it is Jaemin could be talking about. “What happened to Jisung?” 

“There was a fight during the game today, Jisung was involved.”

“He was involved? Is he okay?” You don’t bother to hide the concern in your voice when you throw the questions at the boy in front of you. 

“He’s fine, physically. But I think he needs you right now, Y/N.”

You look at the boy incredulously for a few seconds before looking down when you realize that he was serious about his words. You wrap your arms around yourself before shaking your head. “No… he can’t need me, he said I was nobody to him.” 

Jaemin scoffs at walks closer to you making direct eye contact, “I don’t know what he said before, but the reason he got into a fight with Jeno was because he was saying some shit about you.”

“What?” 

“And he just told the whole baseball team that he was in love with you.”

“WHAT?”

You try your best to process that information, staying silent while Jaemin stands anxiously in front of you. 

“You love him too, Y/N.”

You stare at him while you think. 

What if this ends up just like last time? With your heart in a million pieces all because of Jisung’s unhealthy concern over his reputation? But he said he loved you, and in front of the whole baseball team, apparently. 

So what does this mean? What should you do? What if now Jisung is ready to be there for you like he couldn’t be before? Maybe you’ll get the happy ending 14 year old you always wanted… 

“He needs you, y/n. Please.” Jaemin pleads, his eyes staring into yours and suddenly everything clicks. 

He needs you. Like…really needs you. And before he was the boy who left you stranded and broke your heart, he was your best friend who was always there for you whenever you needed him. 

You throw all selfish feelings to the wind and nod your head towards Jaemin, who sighs in relief. 

You go to turn before stopping in your tracks and facing the baseball player, who looks at you with a confused expression. You smile softly at him, “I forgive you, Jaemin.” 

You miss his teary smile as only seconds later your taking off down the hall in direction of the baseball field. 

-

After asking around, you finally get the information that Jisung was currently in the locker room. Which you stand in front of, breathing in deeply before pushing open the door. 

Most of the players have gone home, resulting in you being greeting with an empty locker room. The only sound is that of a single shower turned on and the silent sniffles of the boy you were searching for. 

“Jisung?” You say hesitantly, taking small footsteps towards the showers. He doesn’t reply. 

You knock softly on the shower door, “Jisung, it’s me. Are you okay?”

He sniffles once again, though this time, you can tell he’s trying to sound fine. “Yes.”

Not convinced, you say in a gentle tone: “Can you come out?” 

It takes a few moments before you hear the stream of water silence and the towel hung up on the shower down disappears from your view. Then the door opens revealing Jisung, who’s hair is sleek against his forehead and his eyes are trained towards the floor. You can’t help but gasp as you see his face, cut and bruised, it makes your heart hurt. There’s nothing but a towel wrapped around his hips, which allow you a full view of his bruised torso. 

You want nothing more than to take his face in your hands and somehow take all his pain away. “Jisung…”

“Hi.” 

If you thought you had Jisung at his worst, you were wrong. Not only was he physically hurt. His eyes were bloodshot and his bony shoulders hang low from exhaustion.  He looks so vulnerable, standing basically naked in front of you, looking like the world just betrayed him in the cruelest of ways. 

You do the only thing you can think of doing. You reach forward and pull his body against yours, hugging him close. 

It takes him some time for him to hug you back, but eventually his arms wrap around you slowly before they completely engulf you, pressing you harder against him. He lets the tears fall from his eyes and onto you shoulder, his body shaking with sobs.Your bodies slowly sink down until you’re both sat on the floor, his significantly larger frame fitting into your arms as you continue to hold him tight, letting him cry into your neck and chest. His large hands hold onto you, tightly gripping your clothes and bringing your body closer to him. 

You stroke his hair in an attempt to calm him, gently telling him It’s okay, that you’ll be here until he’s okay. And to not worry, that you’re not going anywhere. 

Your words make Jisung look up at you with blood shot eyes, sniffling softly. His eyes search yours for any hint of insincerity but all he finds is the comforting, caring gaze of his best friend. He smiles although ever so lightly. Your hands move to his face and you use your thumbs to wipe his tears away. You lean forward and press a soft kiss to his forehead. 

“Let’s go home, okay?” 

-

It isn’t until 3 days after you drop Jisung off at his house that afternoon that you finally see him again. 

3 days of planning scenarios out in your head on how you would go about this moment when it finally arrived and pondering whether Jisung meant every word he said that day. If he’s finally ready and what that would mean for you two.

These led you to right now, laying in bed staring restlessly at the ceiling, when your phone suddenly illuminates, a loud ‘ding!’ sounding through the room. Before checking your phone, you look towards your bedside table where you alarm read in bright read letters: 2:56am. 

Confused, you grab your phone to see who could be messaging you at the ungodly hour. 

You gasp slightly and feel your heart rate pick up as you see the notification. 

jisung park [2:54am]: come to your window.

You hesitate, wondering why he wanted to talk now of all times, but eventually find yourself slowly walking towards your bedroom window. Once you arrive, you see Jisung, who had been looking at your window expectedly only to nervously look away when you came into his line of vision. You can’t make out what expression he is wearing but you’re aware of his nervousness, that matches your own. 

Jisung looks down at his lap, where his phone was, taking it into his hands and waving it slightly at you. You nod, and even though you were expecting his phone call you still startle when the ringtone blasts through the room. Jisung watches carefully as you pick up your phone, silent raising it to your ear. 

The silent remains, the only noise present is the sound each other’s breathing through the phone. After some seconds, Jisung is the first to speak. 

His soft voice sounds so hurt and broken in your ear, it takes you back to that time in the locker room when you held him in your arms as he cried, “Y/N…”

“Jisung,” you pause, “what are you doing up so late?” 

He chuckles bitterly, wiping away a tear you hadn’t known was falling. “I couldn’t sleep, and I just… wanted to see you.” Jisung avoids your eyes, and picks sadly at the cracking paint of his window frame. 

“Are you sure that’s the only reason?” You ask. Jisung finally looks at you, before slowly shaking his head.

He breathes in deeply and keep his eyes on yours. His gaze is intense enough to make you feel like he was in the same room and not in completely different houses. 

“I’m sorry for what happened,” you grip your phone tighter at his words. “At the locker rooms that day and all those years ago when I told you I didn’t want to be friends anymore. I just… wanted to be on the baseball team so bad and I wanted to have this high school fantasy that I saw in all the movies and I let Jeno get into my fucking head, I believed him when he told me that the me I was then was worthless, and that I had to leave everything behind to be like him. I believed him like such a fucking pussy, y/n. And I hurt you. Over and over again because of my god forsaken reputation that he kept telling me I had to keep.” He raises his free hand in frustration, “and this reputation took so much out of me, it was like whenever I looked in the mirror I was this manufactured version of myself that I created just to satisfy Jeno and the rest of the man-eating toilet licking baseball jocks,” you chuckle softly as you recognize those words as your own, “and then you came back into my life… and at first I thought that I could do it, that I could keep this front up but I was wrong. Because the second you came back to me, I already felt like myself again. It was like an instinct to be my unfiltered self around you and it scared me so bad, y/n. It scared me because I liked being myself with you so much and I couldn’t hide it…” he breathes in, “so I allowed myself to keep you a secret, and to hurt you and treat like a guilty pleasure all because I wanted Jeno to think I was one of them. And now I realized that I don’t have to be like him or anything he wants me to be,” Jisung’s pleading gaze looking at you through your window and you realize that your own eyes are leaking tears on to your cheeks, which you brush away, “I just wanted to be yours, and I’m sorry that I didn’t put you first like I should have.” 

When you don’t say anything he adds, “I’m sorry for ranting so much, I j-“ Jisung stops talking as he sees you shaking your head.

“Don’t be sorry, Jisung.” You take a minute to compose yourself. You take a minute to think if what you are gonna ask of him is even reasonable on any level, or if it even makes sense. Ultimately, you decide that nothing that has happened in the last 4 years has really made any sense at all, there was no use in trying now. 

“Can you come over?”

You watch Jisung’s expression turn from anxious to shocked in a matter of seconds, “wh- now?”

You now assertedly, “Yes, now.” 

Jisung ponders over it for a few seconds before nodding, “okay. Yeah.”

You hang up first and walk away from the window,. 

You move towards your closet, taking out the box you had stored Jisung’s belongings in. You search for the worn down envelope you had stored all his letters in, you take out the one he had stored in your sweatshirt and run downstairs. 

The desperate need to see Jisung overcomes you, your feet moving quickly towards your front door which you hastily rip open to reveal the face of the boy that occupies the majority of thoughts. 

You catch of his open bedroom window behind him, and his disheveled hair, a clear indication that he snuck out that way. Your eyes widen, “Did you just jump off the roof your house?”

Jisung breathlessly looks back at his two story house and nods, “I guess I did,” He looks back at you, explaining, “It would've been too noisy to go out through the front door.”

His serious expression reminds you of why you called him here in the first place. 

You hesitantly hold up the note to his face:

‘My y/n, please understand and please keep me as your favorite boy after this. I’m so sorry. When it’s time, please forgive me -Jisung’

He looks down in shame when he sees the note, the regret of his actions behind the note washing over him as soon as he finished reading it over. You shake your head at his actions and reach forward to grab his chin, stepping into his line of vision. Once you’re assured that you two are holding steady eye contact, you begin to speak. “Don’t feel bad, please. I brought this down here so you could see it and know that… I forgive you, Jisung. For everything. Now that i know why you did what you did, everything feels so much better. I thought that you had dropped me because you didn't want you me anymore and I was so scared and upset and I told myself I would never talk to you ever again. I told myself that I didn't need you. But I did. I still do.” You stop to collect your thoughts momentarily, “When you left there was a Jisung shaped hole in my life that couldn't be filled by anyone and when you came back, you fit right in like you had never left and everything was just so … perfect. It was like I was not really me while you were gone, it was so weird.” 

Jisung nods, “I felt the same way.” This makes you smile, which makes him smile. 

“I think that the reason I was able to keep up that front for so long, because we weren't together, I don’t know what it is but you are the best part of me, and without i felt like an… unfinished puzzle.” 

He watches you nod eagerly as you agree, “Yes!” 

You two stay in a comfortable silence for a few seconds before you’re stepping forward so that your faces where less than an inch away, Jisung looks down at you before smiling and wrapping you in his arms. 

He feels emotional suddenly, the very fact that he has finally achieved the one thing he’s wanted for the past four years: your complete forgiveness. Jisung grips your clothing and pulls you closer, assuring that every part of your body is pressing against his. “I’m-“ he cuts himself off as he hesiatates, “I don’t know if this is too sudden or anything but I just- I wanted to- I- fuck-“

You can’t help but chuckle at his nervous stuttering, you pull away from your hug and look at the once again nervous boy. “What is it?” 

Jisung breathes in, “The day you overheard Jeno and I had bought you this,” He shrug off the backpack you don’t notice he had on and reaches inside of it pull out what looked like an animatronic penguin holding a pink heart that read, ‘I love you’. “I was going to give to you that day and like confess? I guess, I didn’t know what you were gonna say when you told me to come over but I figured if I bought it I should give it to you.” His hand comes up to rub the back of his neck in a nervous habit. “I was going to tell you how I felt that day, but you know things didn’t go as planned that day. And if you don’t feel the same that’s totally fine, I just.. wanted you to have it.”

You breathe in to speak when you thought his rambling had come to an end but Jisung stops, he leans down quickly to set the penguin on the floor of you patio before pressing a button. Music plays from the toy as it cutely dances. “It… dances.” 

Jisung is sweating. You almost feel bad for him. “I can see that.” You reply with a chuckle. 

It dawns on you that there was nothing (nothing) more Jisung, than this.

There’s nothing more Jisung than him standing in front of you, sweating, confessing to you with an animatronic dancing penguin. 

Nothing so Jisung, nothing so like the boy you love. 

Suddenly, you’re stepping over the penguin separating you two, and closing all the distance between you and Jisung, crashing your lips onto his. It takes the shocked boy a few seconds to process the situation, before his hands are finding their place on either side of your face. The way he moves his lips against yours is clumsy, but it’s everything you could’ve ever imagined.

Jisung sighs, and you can tell it’s everything he’s ever wanted too. He attempts to pull you as close to him as physically possible, wanting nothing more than to be closer to you. 

You pull away for air, but don’t move away from Jisung, who breathes deeply through his smiling, pink and swollen lips. He laughs breathlessly, “oh my god.” 

His laughter produces a chuckle of your own. “What?”

He shakes his head, smiling. His forehead rubs against your as he does so, and his hair tickles your face. “I’m so in love with you.” He watches you with soft eyes. 

You think that your heart is past the point of just bursting; it's like an atomic bomb that is capable of wiping out the entire population if Jisung didn’t stop being so damn cute.

You peck his lips softly before hugging him tight. “And I  love you.” 

And there you stay, until the sun rises and shines upon the two of you, whispering faint confessions of love to each other over and over while the penguin continues to sing It’s cheery tune next to you. 

-

“What the f-“ your mother stops in her tracks as soon as she opens her front door to find you and Jisung asleep on the patio of her house, curled up to one another for warmth. 

She looks around confusedly, wondering what the hell happened last night. But then she notices the way Jisung’s arm wraps around you tightly, keeping you close and the way you hands grip his clothes even while you sleep and she thinks she has an idea of what went on here last night.

After snapping a picture of you two to send to Jisung’s mother, she watches you and sighs, making eye contact with brightly colored penguin standing by her feet. 

“What are we gonna do with them?”

-

[1 year later, Senior Prom]

“I still don’t get why we can’t just get ready together.” 

You sigh as Jisung complains through the phone for what feels like the 100th time. “I already told you Jisung, I want you to be surprised when you see me! Remember that I’m not just your best friend anymore, I’m your girlfriend now, and I wanna look pretty for you.” 

“You always look pretty to me.” 

“I know! I just- It’s prom, okay? I want it to be perfect.” 

“It will be, okay? Come to your window.”

You do as he says and peek through your window to see an extremely not ready looking Jisung through his window. “Jisung! Prom is in an hour!”

“I know. I just wanted to be alone with you for a bit before we have to spend the whole night with our friends.” He pauses, and points to the window frame recalling the memory of last fall when he did this exact same thing fri the first time, “it’s like we’re hanging out, isn’t it cool?” 

You chuckle lightly, “Very funny.”

“Come on, y/n! Don’t you think I look better in my jersey anyway?” You take notice of the familiar jersey that is draped over his frame. It’s his baseball jersey that he never seems to take off ever since he was named Captain of the team when Jeno was kicked off last fall. And though he should be already wearing his tux, you’ll admit that the jersey does look a different kind of hot on him. 

“It’s not that bad.”

He laughs at your comment and takes a breath to speak, before being interrupted by his mother coming into his room and yelling at him to hurry up and get ready. He sighs and tells her he’s on it. “I guess that’s my cue.” 

“I’ve been telling you it’s your cue for the past 4 hours.” You say playfully, Jisung laughs. You watch him reach for his towel and throw it over his shoulder, waving at you through the window. 

“I love you, babe.” 

You smile when he says that, feeling like it’s the first time he’s ever said it. “I love you too, silly.”

“Ohhh, are you blushing? That’s so cute!” He coos point a finger at you through the window. 

“Go get ready!” You say in stern yet playful voice as you attempt to conceal your flustered date from your boyfriend. He laughs and says he’s going before hanging up to phone and leaving you to finally get ready in peace.

-

“Woah.”

Is all Jisung can say when he finally sees you. You walk down the steps of your house to meet him at his car, the tail of your dress flowing behind as you approach him. 

Now, Jisung always thought you were the most beautiful person in the world but… shit! You look so gorgeous. You give him chills.

“Jisung?” 

He realizes he’s just been frozen this whole time, and finally takes action reaching into his car and bringing out the corsage he bought to match your dress. He puts it on you, and steps back to admire you. Jisung takes a deep breath through his mouth and leans back, dramatically. The dramatic action from your boyfriend causes you to laugh. “What?” 

“You look like… ugh! You’re so beautiful.” He reaches forward and brings his hands to your face, bringing you closer and pecking your lips lightly as to not ruin your lipstick. You laugh and step back to admire your boyfriend. 

His black tux suited him well, and his hand styled his hair up for the night, giving him a cooler and sharper look to the one you’re used to. You like it. You liked it a lot. “What about you? You look like a million bucks! All the girls are gonna be all over you.” You say it jokingly, but Jisung leans forward once again.

“Too bad I’m taken, and I’m whipped too so I wish them luck trying to get through to me.” 

Yo laugh at his words and push his shoulder lightly. He smiles at you and attempts to wink, only fail miserably and a laughing fit to interrupt in between you two.

-

After posing for pictures at your mothers in front of your house for what feels like forever, you and Jisung finally arrive at prom. Jisung holds your hand as he walks in.

Chenle and Jaemin, two of his friends from the baseball team you had grown fond of, and Renjun find you guys first, immediately pulling you to the remotely empty dance floor. “Guys, no one is even dancing yet!” You exclaim, to which Chenle shrugs.

“Then let’s be the first!” 

And so that how you spent the rest of your night between dancing with your own friends and Jisung’s friends you find yourself barely having any alone time with your boyfriend.

You search for him in the crowd as the announcer introduces the prom royalty competition, that is until his name is called out and he goes up to the stage to accept his crown. You watch confusedly and amusedly as Jisung awkwardly accepts his flowers and allows the women to put the crown on his head. You laugh as he meets your eyes, sending you an awkward smile.

“And the prom queen of the class of 2020 is…” she read the card and smiles brightly, “Y/N Y/LN!”

You freeze when you hear that. Jisung brightens up on stage, cheering. You stay in your spot until Renjun is ushering you to the stage to accept your crown. He helps you step onto the stage and you thank him, when you finally reach the stage, you (just as awkwardly as Jisung) accept your crown and bouquet. 

People in the crowd cheer for their favorite couple when the announcer says it’s time for the king and queen to have a dance. 

Thus you have your first dance with Jisung of the night. And the way Jisung is looking at you almost makes you forget that literally everyone staring at you right now. You smile and pull him closer. He chuckles, “This plastic crown really suits you, it brings out the color of your eyes.”

You snort as you two continue to sway gently side to side. “I know, it’s a good look.” You poke his own plastic accessory as he laughs. 

You two dance in comfortable silence before Jisung says in a soft voice, “I’m like... really in love with you.”

You laugh bashfully before looking at your boyfriend. “I’m crazy in love with you too, Jisung Park.”

It dawns on Jisung how much he has changed in the past 5 years of his life. From your best friend, to the boy that broke your heart, to the baseball jock, then to the boy that broke your heart again and finally to your boyfriend. (He stills thinks about what happened with a heavy heart but knows that maybe things wouldn’t be the way they are now if they had never occurred.) He turned from a nervous kid who let his bully get the best of him to a bright young man who was willing to do anything for the girl in the pretty dress in front of him. He smiles as he realizes what he can do now that he had gotten over his fears.

“Watch this.”

You have no time to react as he suddenly grips your waist tighter and brings you closer so he could press his lips to yours. In front of all the people watching you, -which included teachers!- you hear Jaemin whistle and laughs into the kiss, causing Jisung to laugh as well. He pulls away.

“It feels so good that everyone knows you’re my girl.” 

He then pulls you in for another kiss and another and another and another. He basically kisses you for the rest of the night and you can’t find anywhere in yourself to complain because you admit it also feels absolutely amazing to have everyone know Jisung is yours. 

Now you know why everyone always said senior year is the best year of your life.

[witch-of-snow-and-stars]

I saw that you suggested college advice,but i really need high school advice as well🥲my junior year is coming to an end and senioritis is already hitting me( and lowkey has been ever since we started the year with a hybrid schedule, then went completely remote, then went hybrid again and now completely in person😀)sorry off track lol, so i’m wondering how should I make the best of my senior year and what important things should i do? i plan on going to college but i was thinking about taking the community college route then transferring to a university but idk if all of that will be hard and i should just go straight to a 4 year college? i just don’t want to burn myself out, but i also know that i wanna work in the medical field in the future.. please send help 😭

So there’s a lot I could say about high school and college (and full disclaimer I’ve only done plague school for 2.5 college semesters, honestly Covid high school sounds worse). But I’ll give some advice in 2 sections based on issue, I hope it helps!

High School:

Senioritis is rough and you may need to white-knuckle your way through it. I know that’s a lame answer but most of senioritis is just plain burn-out, pure and simple (a lot of that can depend on the culture within your school, my hs really pushed APs and academic achievement and I was an honors student before then, so I was basically a nervous wreck during hs. Please for your own sake don’t be me). So do your best to pace yourself and establish a good study/work routine if you haven’t already. Get good sleep and take care of yourself, I believe in your ability to get through senior year!

Take your SATs and do good on those and any other big standardized tests. If your doing AP, try to do very well on them, depending on the college they can transfer over and generally (I believe) they are worth more on weighted GPAs.

Keep your grades up. I know your tired but it literally only helps you in the long run.

Have an exit plan for highschool. You may lose a decent amount of your social group when you graduate it happens to a lot of us it’s probably not a indictment of you, just friends by proximity tend to break up when not forced to be in the same building for most of their week (additionally this is a good window of time to split with any toxic friends that may be hanging around).

Prepping for College/ Post-Highschool:

Honestly it *really* depends on what you’re trying to do in Medical for your school options. I’m on track to become a Librarian with what I believe is technically a BS in Education (my major is weird), so I know very little about the medical track. Having said that, research schools that have decent-good programs with what you want to do that are also within budget. I also think some community colleges provide certifications for some pharmaceutical/lab work/nursing related jobs, so maybe look into that

Look into FAFSA and grants for help paying for college and/or other training programs. FAFSA is where you’ll (probably) be getting your student loans if you need to get them in the US, but FAFSA and grants can help soo much for paying for school. Also file FAFSA basically the week it opens for that year if you can, and if your school has something like a ‘priority filing window‘ (typically for low-income students) file within that window. If you qualify that's the time you’ll get the most financial benefit. Also fill out the FAFSA for the year you’ll be going as soon as you find out the year you’re entering college.

Community college can be a good way of getting cheap gen-eds and boosting a low GPA. It depends on your situation if that will be a good move though

Do some professions interviews with people in different jobs within the medical feild if you’re still deciding on what career/job you’d like to do. A lot of people are typically open to talking to students and it’s a good way to network

Take Gen-Eds that you aren’t familiar with and seem interesting to you! Seriously, college is a great environment to expose yourself to new people and ideas that you may not have had the opportunity to interact with before. Obviously do so respectfully, but expand your mind and get a better perspective of the world when you can

It’s weirdly difficult to make friends as an adult, so maybe join some low-stakes social groups that you can stay in post-college. It’s a good way to make friends and meet people. Be wary of cults, but groups like crafting groups or similar groups that have mixed age membership could be a good idea.

These are just some ideas, but I hope these help out!

[scummy-writes]

This is not a request but a more share your opinion with me kinda thing...

So Theo

I understand that he’s a sweet a caring man under his grumpy shell and yada yada ... and there is nothing wrong in liking him I’d even say that I’m jealous because he’s like really hot

But man I can’t get in to him I can like him! every time he ether calls the mc jodje or puppy or dog I would cringe so bad

Like my fight or fly instincts will go overdrive Like??? How dare you?? I’m so sorry but I don’t understand how you can overelook his blatant mean things he says and say oh yea I’ll definitely fuck him!

He has no respect for the mc and treats them with little to no regard in the begging but only when he starts to catch feelings he becomes nicer?? meaner !?!! My brain just thinks that he belongs to the nice guys spectrum? Idk

Maybe because I’m not a masochist or I don’t have a name calling kink or that I despise tsuderes not like it’s anything wrong with that you go girl

Fuck I sound like such a dick in this I’m so sorry

But I needed to get it out of my chest

So thougts on Theo?

Is it that you're wondering why I like him, or why people in general like him? I'll touch into both, regardless, BUT. There will be spoilers for his route and some povs. So there's a heads up.

To preface: I don't mind if folks dont like the characters I like or just don't like certain characters in general, so I hope you know (and anyone else) I don't judge people over that, only how they treat others in regards to their preferences. 

I'm with you on the name thing, honestly. I cringed a lot and still do at times. While it feels as though its a shared, lighthearted type pet name (haha) later on in the relationship, at the beginning it just sounds dismissive and belittling.

But I think it's supposed to be? Theo has a god awful issue at refusing to believe his worth with anything. For his pov at mcs arrival to the mansion, he's actually the one that spots her first, but Napoleon gets to her first and Theo's first thoughts are along the lines of "I'm not the star of this show, I need to take my exit" since Napoleon looks like a hero and has a better handle on the situation.

In his route he shows this a lot, and it shines the most with Vincent. Theo wanted to be an artist too when he was younger, but gave up once he saw how talented Vincent was, fully believing he couldnt be an artist because 'God didn't grant [Theo] that talent.'

And all of that ramps up to 100 when it comes to the reasons he agreed to being a vampire- the revenge. Not only does he blame himself for what happened to Vincent (for introducing Gaugin[sp?] to him, to encouraging their friendship and etc), but now that he's a vampire he doesn't believe he deserves anything good to happen to him. Good things like coming to peace with what happened, or a love life.

So the hondje thing, how I feel about it is that at first its meant to be belittling because he doesn't want you to like him. All the intimidation is part of that, and even then I feel like you can still see hints of that softness still peeking through in the beginning due to him refusing to let the residents/Comte telling mc theyre vampires, because he knows right off the bat it'll possibly terrify her and lead her to doing something rash (like how mc nearly runs out of the mansion the moment she finds out about it). Can see it in how when she's really upset, he immediately puts down that gruffness to make sure she's okay, how he carefully pushes her into standing her own ground (though it really doesnt seem like she needs it, but alas its an otome classic cliche) and gently pushes her into going further into what she enjoys (getting into art like him and excitedly learning about it).

That gruffness turns into Theo being Stern/Firm, but not unforgiving. It turns into being a jerk when shes about to get hurt or get into something she shouldn't (in his eyes- the academy folks, getting hurt by falling for him, getting hurt during his push for revenge). I think he does hold respect for her due to how he pushes for her to tell him in her own words how she feels about the art they're looking at, and how he pushes for her to choose the pieces theyre going to showcase and etc, because he values and respect her opinion. (If he didn't, I don't think he'd keep letting her help him out or even speak much in regards to the art.) I'm sure there's other examples of him respecting her, but that's the first that comes to mind.

It probably feels like hes an asshole and hard to love because in Theo's route you're not the main objective in his eyes. He's focused on revenge, and admittedly, you're in the way for a part of it. He’s now trying to make sure you get home safely without landing you in his problems, and if that means being gruff and a bit of a dick, so be it.

Or, that's how I see it anyway. I think you have to look at these things about him and understand that him 'suddenly' being a nicer guy isn't actually that sudden, it's been there all along and he's been putting on a front. Because the idea of falling for someone when he's had it in his head for years that he doesn't deserve happiness? Scary. Basically that whole 'Better to deal with the devil that you know instead of the devil that you don't know' thing. 

And hey, if you look at that stuff and go "okay, I get it, but I still don't like him" you know that's okay, right? There's characters in a lot of games/media I don't vibe with when they haven't 'done anything wrong'. It's fine to not like a character, even if a lot of other people seem to.

Admittedly, your wording is kinda hard for me to understand if you're kinda. Mad at me for liking Theo? But I'm taking it as confusion at people liking a character you can't see any good in and trying to get opinions from someone on how they could enjoy him. Because of that I don't think you're being a dick, but if you were to send this message to others to get their opinion on why they like Theo, I'd try to word it a little more gentle.

Anyway, for folks who are not anon: if I got small details wrong please don't go off on me, I haven't played his route in a while and forget things even in my top favorite routes. Also, please don't start fussing at anon because admittedly I don't want my notifications clogged with arguments.

[peeterparkr]

OMG FINALLY! Dick Grayson one where his bff who he’s in love with is attacked by some guys in an alley and he saves her but is so worried that he removes his mask without thinking etc ... you can do whatever you like with it really! Xxx

omg I don’t know how this came out of that but I hope you like it! This is literally my first time writing for him so pls be kind. I’m sorry it sucks

warnings: assault, fighting, probably swearing. 

word count: 2k idk HOW

My hero. Dick Grayson x Reader

Gotham was a handful. Never safe. You’d always walk around fearing your life. But at some point you didn’t want to be that way. You always tried to prove everyone wrong. You could take care of yourself, and most times, you did. But whenever someone would tell you to take care, you’d get mad. It was— stupid, maybe.

Maybe Dick Grayson was who you were trying to prove. Maybe. Your best friend who’d become a bit of an asshole lately. You’d grown up and grown apart with that. Maybe it was because of his new life. 

You missed him at Haly’s. But of course, he wouldn’t miss you. As if he’d love to have the life you had by now. Life in your 20′s still working for a circus and now your second gig as a waitress in a bar. It wasn’t that bad. 

Millionaire Grayson, that’s how your old friends used to call him. Everyone who ever knew him would call him that. You didn’t. You knew Dickie became distant for other reasons. He wouldn’t tell you which, but he had them. 

He wasn’t that distant to you. You’d see him every now and then. There were a lot of things to Dick Grayson that you’d keep to yourself. Like being your first kiss, first love. First broken heart. And you remembered the first kiss, you were young, stupid. And he had saved you from falling down the trapeze. 

‘My hero’ you had said and without a warning you had kissed him. 

Ah, and without a warning, years later he’d broken your heart. 

That’s when you drifted apart from him. But he’d come back every now and then, if he ever gave himself time to visit you. Sometimes he’d visit Haly’s to say hello after a show.

But he had left Gotham, and with that, he had also left you. 

You didn’t expect to see Dick Grayson walking into that filthy bar you worked at, one would think you’d see him at fancier places, or not at Gotham at all. But there he was with a black coat, soaking from the rain. 

You felt your stomach hop as you saw him. His dark eyes searching the room. You knew he probably was there because of you. From time to time you’d talk, text, and you had told him you’d work there now. 

“Hey angel, bring me another beer,” one very drunken guy told you. You rolled your eyes as you walked over to get it. 

Dick sat by the counter, alone. You walked past him. “Grayson,” you greeted him. It was weird, seeing him like this.

“Y/N,” he smiled. “Uh, I was just around the neighbourhood and uh-“

“No, you weren’t,” you chuckled. He couldn’t lie to you. You knew he’d come to say hi.

He blushed. “No—but I thought- I’d say hi.”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s… it’s nice to see you, how have you been?” You blushed yourself.

“I’m good, I—I well-“

“Hey, angel, my beer, sweetheart, give that pair of legs a good use!” The asshole yelled.

You closed your eyes. “Duty calls.”

“Don’t talk to her like that,” Dick warned them. 

“Or what, pretty boy? What you’re gonna do? Throw your fancy coat at me?” The guy laughed.

Dick quickly stood up and stormed to them. 

“Dick, dick,” you said, standing in front of him. “I can handle them myself.” 

“Oh, you’re a Dick,” the guy mocked. 

Dick rolled his eyes. “Really funny, haven’t heard that one.” 

Dick stepped in but you pushed him back. “Please, Dick, not tonight, we’ll catch up some other time, okay? Please, it’s alright..” 

“Y/N-” 

“I can take care of myself, Dick,” you pushed. 

“We just called her an angel, suits her, anyway,” The bearded guy continued.

Dick glanced at you and opened his mouth. 

“Please, don’t make a scene,” you begged him under your breath. You brought the guy his beer. 

“Thank you angel,” he grinned as he basically undressed you with his sight. 

“You better leave soon,” Dick warned them again standing in front of you , and they laughed. 

“Dickie, please,” you begged him again, knowing damn well your boss wouldn’t like someone defending you. He was a bigger jerk than this guy. 

Dick sighed and sat back down. You kept waitressing for a while, ignoring Dick’s stare. Always protective.  

“Bye angel,” the man said to you before leaving. You stepped back and gulped. You decided to switch position with the bartender. 

“You know I could get you a better job than this,” Dick intruded. “I—Bruce has several places where you could work at, I’m sure I could find you a spot somewhere.”

“Always helping, Dickie,” you shrugged. “I’m doing alright.”

“I—yeah, but—“

“I don’t want any sympathy, Dickie,” you told him. “It’s alright. I can take care of myself.” 

“I just thought it could be so we can see each other more, like old times,” he pointed out. “We’re not kids anymore, are we?” He chuckled.

“Not really,” you smiled. “But we belong to different worlds, that’s okay. You deserved it, the fancy life—after what happened.”

Dick gulped and looked away.

“What do you do now, Dick?”

“Here and there,” Dick shrugged. “Complicated.”

You smiled. “They miss you, you know, everyone at Haly’s.”

“Everyone?”

“Mostly everyone.” You took a deep breath. You did miss him. 

He sighed. “Yeah, I miss… I miss you too–I mean, I miss them,” he cleared his throat. “I miss them, too.” 

You smiled to yourself as you turned to other customers. You were supposed to be waitressing. 

“You shouldn’t be in a place like this,” Dick told you. He was probably right. But you hated when he got all protective on you, it’s not like he cared, anyway. 

“I can take care of myself,” You reminded him. “It’s no better than any other place here in Gotham.” He knew you were right. “Besides, if something were to happen, I’d like to see one of those heroes get in here, they don’t really care about people like us.” 

Dick stared at you. “How so?” 

You chuckled dryly. “I don’t know, I don’t know,” you looked at him. “Or at least… Not the new Robin one. The old one, he… he really helped me out sometimes.” 

Dick took a sip from his beer. “He… he did?” 

“Yeah, it was weird, it’s been for a long time, Clay said Robin was my guardian angel,” you chuckled. “But you know how he is,” you smiled, looking down. “Haven’t seen him in a while, though. And guess Batman never gets to this part.” 

Dick sighed, as he looked away. “Have you… have you needed help?” 

“No, as I told you, I take care of myself,” you said. “You look different,” you pointed out. “Heard you left to Detroit.” 

He nodded. 

“What brought you back to this hell place?” You questioned him. “Anyone who gets a chance to leave Gotham should never come back.” 

Dick looked at you. “Unsolved business.” 

You clicked your tongue. “Well, hope you solve them quickly.” 

He grinned. 

“So… uh, how about we… we go out for dinner after you’re out or-?”

“Y/N, need you to take out the trash,” your boss came in. “And bring in more ice.” 

You nodded. “I’ll… see you in a bit,” you excused yourself as you went to do as told. The old bar had an exit to the alley, where’d you take out the trash. It was dark and you never liked going there. You knew that you being sent there was a punishment of sorts, your boss liked to see you as a way men would buy alcohol if they ever spoke to you, however since Dick only had had one beer in his hand, it meant you’d failed at your job. Very indecent and degrading, really. 

But you did as so, you took out the trash, it was still raining, and sadly, you were not alone. As soon as you had walked into the alley, there were men waiting for you. You tried to ignore them, but they closed the door for the bar. You tried to hide your shivering as they whistled. 

“Look what we got here, it’s the angel,” The voice said, and you turned to see the bearded guy from before, his odour could be smelled from where you were standing, throwing away the trash. 

You frowned and ignored them, trying to get back into the bar. 

“Oh no, no, you don’t have your pretty boy to help you here,” he laughed. “C’mon angel.” 

You tried to walk past him but he was surrounded by the other three that were once in the bar. 

“I need to go back,” you said, firmly and tried pushing your way through. 

“I don’t think so my angel,” the guy said. You feared everything and you knew this was too late. “And that was a wrong move,” he said, taking your arms and pulling you to him. You felt more hands on your body. 

You screamed as loud as you could and tried to kick your way out but the other three surrounded you, the guy covered your mouth. 

“Now, you’re going to cooperate, alright, you listen to this,” the guy hissed at you. You kicked him again and he pushed you against the wall. “Stop, now.” 

You saw it as a lost battle. But before you could feel or see the worst, a shadow had appeared from the roof. 

“Leave her alone,” the shadow warned and jumped right behind him, and then you covered yourself. The shadow kicked down the drunk horrendous guy as he easily took down the other three guys, fighting against them with no difficulty as he threw punches and kicked them to the ground. He kept punching them and you knew this was Robin. Even with the rain, you saw him. 

He was Robin. The Robin you once knew, the one who had protected you before, not the new, young one with crazy hair. This was your Robin. 

You fell to the ground, scared, as you saw now the four guys that were just surrounding you and touching you. You let out a sob, but Robin kneeled by you. 

“Y/N, y/n, are you–are you okay?” Robin asked, and you looked up. And saw him, his eyes. His dark eyes. He had taken off the mask

“I–” 

“It’s okay, you’re okay, they can’t hurt you.” 

“Dick.” That was the only thing you’d managed to say. He panicked. 

“What–?” 

“You…” You cleared your throat. “Your mask.” 

He saw his hand, he had taken off his mask. “I’m… I’m… shit,” he sighed, “I’m not a monster. I swear.. This… this is the reason why I left Gotham,” he admitted as he looked at the passed out men. “You must think I’m a monster.” 

“I never said you were,” you whispered as you watched him, cupping his face. “You… It was you who was protecting me.” 

He nodded. “I never really left you, back then” 

“No, I guess you didn’t,” you admitted. “But then you did.” 

He looked at you. “Are you… are you okay?” He asked, helping you stand up. 

“Yeah, yeah,” you cleared your throat. “Guess I can’t… really take care of myself after all. But I guess I don’t… have to,” you coughed. “Thank you,” you said, kissing his cheek. 

He put on his mask again. “Yeah.” 

You stayed there, under the rain, watching him. Expectant of everything and of nothing at the same time. “Not only for tonight,” you pushed. “But for… always keeping an eye on me.” It was like you were transported to when you were younger and you’d stand in front of him, all childish and nervous. 

He looked away. “Yeah, yeah–Look,, I’m… I’m not proud of whom I’ve become that’s why…” 

You shook your head, taking his arm. “I don’t care, you’re always going to be Dickie for me,” you whispered as he got closer. “You always had it, the hero type.” 

“I’m not sure if I could be called a hero,” he admitted. 

“You saved my life,” you shrugged. “My hero.” 

He bit his lip, and gulped. He remembered, and he understood it now. Without a warning, he leaned over to kiss you. And this time it was different. Maybe you’d grown up, but definitely, you hadn’t grown apart. 

this sucked