#but in general that shit AAAAAGES

[isaacathom]

based on our movie night track records its possible that i, isaac, simply should not watch any comedy movie published before 2007

[messofmoss]

saturday, june 22, 2024

8:31am

i just slept for 11 hours. i got home from work and basically just passed out. my phone is half dead. my whole body hurts. i had a whole handprint on my arm when i woke up lol

there were many times my mind was racing yesterday and i wanted to write here but i was working and couldn't. i feel like writing it down helps a bit because instead of rattling around in my brain, it's pouring out here. like a bit of release and relief.

my head hurts. it hurt a lot yesterday too. i forgot to take my pills. i haven't missed a day in awhile. i was missing a refill and i was going to take them when i got the missing part but forgot about it.

i feel shitty. i don't want to go to work today. or do anything really. slept 11 hours and i just want to go back to sleep. sleep 11 more hours. i hate work. i don't want to go. i don't want to be around humans. i just want to be in my dark cave with my cats and my kindle and my pillow. i didn't even get to enjoy my days off because it was too hot to exist.

i feel like crying right now. i don't want to go so bad. i can't just call out every weekend though. ugh

10:19am

i sent her a minute of voice messages and all she says back is "okayyy" an hour later. really nothing to say at all??? why do i even bother

5:15pm

teary in the car again. i think julia is mad at me for calling her a hater. i was only teasing.

as SOON as she opened my last voice message, she started typing and said she was going to bed. she hadn't even listened to half of it yet. that voice was my attempt to change the subject. i said "i'm going to try to befriend the new girl at work tonight" the one i had told her might be a lesbian. idk i'm just so sad.

lilly told me to back off her and see if she reaches out to me first. i feel like she won't because last night i fell asleep and forgot to send her good morning message and when i woke up, she had read my last message and just... didn't say anything to me.

8:40pm

i can't enjoy my free time because i made a plan and that plan isn't until monday morning but like it takes away future planned free time before work and now i'll have to be out doing something and now i am just in a perpetual state of anxiety waiting for that thing. and it's like when you have a dentist appt at like 2pm so you can't enjoy your morning because you're just waiting for the appointment. i hate transition periods. i used to tell brogan to not tell me if he had to leave in like 10 or 20 minutes or whatever because then i wouldn't be able to enjoy that time anymore because it would feel like we are in a transition phase and it just makes me stupid anxious. the plan for monday is to go to clifton park at 8am to pick up thomas from the mechanic and hang with him til i have to work. i just hate making plans in general. i hate weekends because i have to work. i hate feeling trapped. work schedule makes me feel trapped. making plans makes me feel trapped.

also i have acid reflux/heartburn whatever for the first time in aaaaages and i hate it so much. i think it's because i've had pan pizza two days in a row at work. i need to get back to my diet. i feel like shit. i look like shit. i am shit. i look at my reflection and i don't even recognize my face anymore. like who the fuck is that? why do i look like that?

[elsecrytt]

I can't believe this. You really??? Just went and wrote??? Yandere Diavolo smut??? UMPROMPTED. UNREQUESTED. You just, just did that, you just fed us all out of the goodness of your heart? This bountiful, glorious feast. This is the best yandere Diavolo I have read. This is just, all of my kinks, my favorite character, and it's FREE? Bless you, bless this fic, bless the mind that it sprang from the hands that typed each word and the keyboard it was written on. Amen.

FIRST OF ALL.

THE ATTEMPT AT INTIMACY.

OF COURSE even the most patient yandere is going to start to get worn down by constant rejection. And sex is one of the most intimate things you can do. Diavolo using sex to get close to his darling, acting like it's normal, loving sex even though he's raping them is just, so twisted. Like it's exactly what yandere is about, the twisted sense of love and intimacy and the thin delusion holding it all together in the yandere's mind. And of course he never once crosses a line in his mind, no matter what he does to them, how awful they feel, he still thinks it's okay because he's technically not hurting them and that's just. Gotta be horrifying to be on the other side of. There's no reasoning with it, you can't even get him to admit he's hurting you, just that disconnect between how sweet he talks and what he's actually doing,, you know?

AND THE SEX ITSELF!

Diavolo exploring your body, experimenting, acting like it's for your pleasure, like really he's such an unreliable narrator because just like in the game he'll never admit how selfish he actually is. Actively conditioning them, using sex toys as a punishment then framing it as if he genuinely thinks they do/should enjoy it... and all while he's working them up to take his cock. Selfish. I hate yanderes who degrade or hurt their darling, especially during sex, it just makes me feel sick. Yanderes pinning/restraining their darling gently? Focusing exclusively on their body's pleasure, no matter how unwilling they are? Sweet nothings, praise, reassurance while their darling is literally crying, struggling, so terrified and ashamed? Yes, yes, yes! That is the good shit! The forcefulness, the adoration, the false comfort, just. So good. Is that fucked up to think?

I just love everything that's going on here. Diavolo is at least three times as evil as he presents himself, he's not nearly so delusional as he would like you to believe and as a darling that's gotta be so frustrating. Diavolo wanting to train you, experimenting with all the ways he can make you cum and then trying to do more, playing your body like an instrument, and there's nothing you can do about it but sing along. Just. Yeah.

Sorry if this is a little incoherent, it's way past my bedtime. I hope you have a great day. I love all your yandere work you are the best at it 💖💖💖

so this is from aaaaages ago but i was going through a bunch of my older asks and came across this and ahhhH.

first of all, anon, idk who you are or where you came from but i hope you know that dropping this in my inbox straight up made my week.

i try not to worry or fuss over how many people see/reblog/comment on my work, but every now and then i feel a bit isolated from my friends in fandom; it's hard for me to reach out to them sometimes.

tumblr works really well in this sense bc sometimes ppl will just approach me anonymously and say a little hello or pass on an idea or something. a nice little pick-me-up,,, <3

but also that you enjoyed a thing i wrote this much and went into detail about what you like about it? that's the stuff of fic writer wet dreams skdfghklhfg.

i appreciate it so, so much, and i'm thankful you took the time to express it. it really means a lot to me, and it did a lot to encourage me and make me feel good about writing in general when i was feeling a bit listless about it.

anyways. skfhgjlfh. discussion of yandere/noncon/etc. under the cut.

it looks like our tastes in yanderes really match up! a lot of what you outline here is specifically what i enjoy~

"And of course he never once crosses a line in his mind, no matter what he does to them, how awful they feel, he still thinks it's okay because he's technically not hurting them"

that's exactly the brand i was going for,, i don't care much for violent yanderes, or yanderes who physically hurt their partners. i just don't really get off much on the reader!insert being in pain.

one of the things i like the most about noncon is that it's a form of violence that doesn't have to involve pain - and the fact that it doesn't involve pain can even be more alarming for the victim than the alternative.

it's easy to be angry and mad - it's easy to know how to feel, to know where you stand, when someone is inflicting violence on you, when someone is hurting you.

when you're being forced to feel good? when it's pleasant - fantastic, mind-blowing, even? combined with a sense of loss of control, of being violated, but not painfully? it's a total mindfuck and it's one of my favorite parts of yandere/noncon stuff.

"Yes, yes, yes! That is the good shit! The forcefulness, the adoration, the false comfort, just. So good. Is that fucked up to think?"

yes, it is fucked up, and it is one of the more disturbing parts of noncon, and that's the part i love the best. i want it twisted, i want it DARK, i want it unsettling!

i'm going to be honest and say that i do enjoy and primarily consider yandere to be a romance trope. no matter how fucked up it is, i want to be able to see something that looks like love in it.

and i like the horror; and to me, the horror comes from feelings that i can recognize as love and affection, but have become so distorted that they no longer act like that.

be it in boundaries not being respected, poor communication and social skills, insecurity and selfishness, protective fear, or self-serving delusion,, i want to see that there is something real, something there, even if it's been twisted and irreparably ruined, even if it was poisoned from the start.

hhhh just!! "Diavolo is at least three times as evil as he presents himself, he's not nearly so delusional as he would like you to believe and as a darling that's gotta be so frustrating."

YOU GET IT!! YOU KNOW WHAT'S UP!! diavolo is not stupid or oblivious. he can tell you don't want to do this with him. he just doesn't think it's as big of a deal as you do - it feels good, doesn't it?

he doesn't necessarily think he's being evil, but i do think there's... some disconnect between how much diavolo knows he's hurting people by violating their boundaries (there's an event or two where he admits to barbatos that he's just having fun messing with lucifer), and how much he just sees himself as being innocently playful, and dismisses the feelings of the people he's hurting.

diavolo is certainly smart enough to understand "no". he's very, very perceptive and he can tell you're upset, he can even tell that you're likely to throw "fits" if he takes you in public, all of that. diavolo understands how you feel well enough to predict your actions.

but he doesn't understand how you feel - or what it is you feel - enough to know not to do it. and you know what? maybe he doesn't have to.

because the most delicious and fucked-up part of all this yandere stuff is that it could very possibly work.

in the creepy gaslighting way that i can never see physically harmful yandere things working, diavolo's relationship here could very well end with the reader just. calling it quits and at least going along with him, if only to spare themselves the mental anguish and frustration.

no, it doesn't stop being noncon just because you're "consenting" because you're sick of feeling traumatized by being touched without your consent... but with how diavolo acts, it's a really easy lie to swallow, isn't it?

and as a note, i do think this is one of the things that a lot of yandere writers find too creepy, because it's a lot more realistic and can hit closer to home for some people.

perfectly understandable - as well as the logical narrative problem of like... where to go from there, since the main conflict has kinda been resolved. to me, it makes a good natural ending point.

asjdklfhd anyways. diavolo (and satan, although i haven't gotten to him - my ideas with him are significantly darker) is one of my very favorites for yanderes, and i'm glad you enjoyed!!!

thank you once again very much for sharing your thoughts, i really, really appreciate it <3

[pebblysand]

[may '21] - the life update no one asked for (and some quick links)

Hello team! How are you? What a month it has been! But: we have had some proper sun, the days are getting longer, I have gin&tonic with me to give me fuel to write this and it is now the 30th of april - yay! I know I'm bending the rules of these monthly posts a bit there, by writing the may post by anticipation but I really want to focus on 'proper' writing this weekend, so I hope that you will forgive me :).

But, first, some quick links to different blog pages you might not see on mobile :

to read my fics [links to the hinny ficfest fics: one ; two ; three]

to read my original work

fic recs [new additions]

proper blog/site [that I never update but maybe one day I’ll bother]

[NOTE: i am currently accepting prompts for short ficlets on the hp fandom if you fancy. my ask box is open :).]

Everything else, under the cut (contains: ETAs for current WIPs - say, if you’re waiting for chapter 8 of castles, for instance... -, reading lists, and life update)

Currently, I’m writing:

**Castles [HP - post-war canon]**

links extended a/n-s: chapter v ; chapter vi

This is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT the priority for the coming days. We are having a bank holiday here in Ireland on Monday and the main objective now is to get the first draft of next chapter done. I have the outlines (both general and particular) and have - maybe - around 15% of the actual chapter done. Due to external factors (more on that below), I've had quite a hard time finding the time and energy to actually focus on this over the past few weeks which is why I kind of booked out this weekend to Get Shit Done. Hopefully, it works. ETA for next chapter: 30th May.

**R O A R series**

Harry&Hermione one-shot [ETA: July probably]

An original horror/thriller story [ETA: this is the next thing (after castles chap 8 on the agenda. Considering the ETA for chapter 8 of castles, we're probably looking at beginning of June for this.]

Something to fill this silk prompt [ETA: TBD]

That Peaky Blinders fic I started and never finished [ETA: TBD]

** Hinny Ficfest **

I am very happy to announce that I'll have not one but two short stories coming out for the upcoming hinny ficfest. I obviously can't talk about them too much on here but here's what I can tell you.

- the first one will be called: [like fire in the rain] and answers to prompt 78 - "truth or dare". It's a short three sentence story (a format I used to enjoy but haven't done on tumblr in aaaaages) that's a bit angsty (you know me) and is set within the 'sunlit days' in year 6.

- the second one, I'm not too sure of the title yet, but right now I'm thinking of a line from a song by passenger called 'holes': [she said the wolf's just a puppy and the door's double-locked (so what'd you gotta worry me for?)]. this is (loosely) inspired by prompt 27 (Molly finding out about Ginny/Harry) the summer after the war, but has kind of grown into a what-if-castles-wasn't-my-headcanon kind of fic. It's currently just shy of 3,000 words. I'm considering posting it on AO3/FF as well by the time it comes out on here but I'm not sure. We'll see.

They're both fully written but need a bit of polish but will definitely be ready by the 10th :).

Currently, I’m reading:

Calypso by David Sedaris: I've finished this! It was absolutely lovely - would highly recommend if you're looking for a nice, non-fiction read. I'd probably give it four stars. Not magnificent but definitely worth a read.

I’ve started re-reading the Divergent series because I have the attention span of a five year old atm. -- Update: yeah, still there. I don't think I've picked this up recently.

I've also started Watch Her Fall by Erin Kelly. I really loved her thriller He Said/She Said so thought I'd give it a try. For now, it's fine but I've found it sort of hard to get into it if I'm honest.

I’m still labouring through Troubled Blood, the JKR/RobertGalbraith book (ugh), but I have made significant progress on this. I'm on page 789 so almost at the end. I cannot wait to be finished with it. On top of everything else, it's just way too long. And, that's coming from someone whose favourite HP book is OOTP.

In other news:

I have to say, this month's been a bit of a struggle. Not in terms of mental health but just a lot of things happening at once. I had my exams at the start of the month, obviously, then I went home to France. Then, Ireland decided to introduce mandatory hotel quarantine so I had to change my tickets, come back early to avoid it. Then, the day before I left, my mother had a stroke. I just - I don't want to dwell on this too much. It's over, now, she's fine, has (from what the MRI showed) very little damage to her brain. She's at home and living her best life. Frankly, she's a bit of a miracle. This being said, I can't explain to you the stress and anxiety and heartache of last few weeks, and of not knowing what to do. Of not being able to fly home, having to be in Ireland because I was starting a new job and couldn't afford the hotel quarantine; it was just a lot. I think I didn't even have words to put on it at the time, which is why I didn't write about it before. It's easier now, now that it's over. In the thick of it, I didn't know where to start.

Now, I also didn't want to mention this because I don't mean it as a sob story. I just feel like I should explain why I haven't been the best at putting content out, lately. For that first week after it happened, when we were waiting for the medical exams to come through, I had to start a new job, pretend to be 'happy to be here' and 'excited' like everything was fine and that alone kind of sucked all the energy out of me. I was texting her every half hour at the same time, anxiously waiting for a reply. She lives alone, you see, and she's the only family I have left. I feel bad about not being able to write, but it's been hard. I just couldn't focus. On top of that, while the new job is interesting (and it pays money, yaaaay!), it's just a new routine to get back into, so I've also been feeling very tired.

Additionally, the extrovert in me has been begging to see more of her mates, lately. The weather has been really nice and I'm so eager to go out that I have struggled to keep my resolutions of 'no, I'm staying in and writing tonight.' I used to get plenty of social interactions at work, back in the day, but now that I'm fully remote, all I want to do on my days off is see people (especially with the easing of restrictions in Ireland). I feel like overall, it's fair, though. Introverts have struggled in our society for years, now, it's fair that we, extroverts, during the pandemic, bear more of the burden. It's just that this sudden return of my social life has also not truly catered to much writing time, haha. Hopefully, May will be more stable.

I am feeling better, now. Mum is doing good, the results of her MRI were very positive and the only real thing that's changed is that she says she's 'exhausted' which I guess can be expected after a stroke, haha. She's a warrior and I love her. This week, I've been feeling finally more able to focus and with the bank holiday, I really hope to get some proper writing done. I just need to escape in the magic of HP again, haha.

Anyways, sorry for this rather grim update. I suppose I also want to be honest and say that it's not always rainbows and butterflies. Here's to May, though. Hopefully, it'll treat us better :).

[eddiesmunsonn]

💖✨When you get this you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. Then send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers. (Non-negotiable, positivity is cool!!)✨💖

Hmm I hate talking about myself and what I like about myself is even harder lol.

1. I love my humour haha. I am generally very funny & quick witted. I like how my humour helps bring happiness to people and makes people laugh.

2. I like that I’m a good listener. My friends always come to me for advice and a chat. Sometimes just about little things, sometimes funny things and more often or not advice on how to cope with shit situations and crap that’s going on in their lives. I’m usually very closed off that way, but I’m starting to lean on my friends when I’m going through shit.

3. I like my ability to not give a shit what people think. It took me a long time to be more confident in myself. Secondary school literally wiped my soul. I was bullied from day 1 and was so miserable for those 5 years of high school. Had no real friends (don’t talk to one person from high school now). As soon as I went to college/6th form to do my alevels, I stopped giving a shit how people thought of me. Honestly as soon as I stopped giving a shit I got a lot happier and even though it’s been 8 years since I started 6th form and finished high school and I love how I honestly don’t give a shit anymore. I am who I am and if you don’t like it? Jog on mate.

4. I like my little quirks 😂 I have some really weird quirks and I used to be embarrassed at how I was with some things but now I don’t care and I embrace the weirdness.

5, I love my dress sense. Literally live in band tees, fandom tees, jeans (or shorts for 6 months of the year cos I’m northern and don’t feel the cold lol), docs and converse. I used to be scared to wear fandom tees as I was afraid of being looked at as weird but it just got to a point where I just did t give a shit anymore haha.

God this was HARD. Some of these are big stretches too. Been trying to think of 5 things for aaaaages. Thank you for making me think! It’s weird thinking positive about myself but tbh I think I need to do it more ❤️❤️

[kpopfanfictrash]

I’m so sorry that shitty people are posting your hard work without your permission, I’ve been following you for aaaaages (and I mean literal ages ok I’m a whole OG over here) and you’re always fair with your readers and very clear with what you expect from your work, so where the fuck do these people get off? I’d be devo’d if you left but I can’t even find a fighting argument to get you stay, fuck those lil shits! Aaaaabsolute doodoo heads (I love you and your writing though, always! ❤️)

Helloooooo og anon!!! Ah, that warms my heart to hear you've been following for so long 🥺 don't worry, I'm still here but I was just super discouraged last night. I'm sure my general state of mind these past weeks hasn't helped! Thank you so much for your kind words and I hope you have a great day/night!

[whyeverr]

My 2019 Simblr Goals

I was tagged recently by @cantseemtohide and aaaaages ago by @omiscanking . Finally getting around to articulating my thoughts! Thanks lovelies! 💗

I tag anyone who hasn’t done this already! Go go go!! 

In 2019, I’d like to:

Engage more. I feel like I’m pretty good at commenting on things but need to like send more asks and shit. I know how good it makes me feel to get comments/asks; who wouldn’t want to pass that feeling on? 💗

Build my queue back up. I’ve felt like I’m playing catchup ever since the logoff protest in mid-December. I need, like, a solid day of playing, followed by a solid day of editing and queueing. I need a weekend. 🙌

Develop another legacy. Don’t get me wrong, I am uber-hyped to be back in New Sixam with the Beans, and we have a lot of ground to cover with them. But I have an idea for/have low-key started working on builds and Sims for this other concept... Also sort of centered around world-building, but in a different way. I’d like to explore that more! 🤔 

Take random detours too. I never would have imagined Irregularly Scheduled Programming to turn into its own full-on storyline (I just wanted to check out Del Sol Valley!) or that series being as fun/crazy/dramatic as it turned out to be. I’m not sure if it will just be whenever we get another GP/EP, or if I’ll revisit the ISP save (Shaniiiiiice!) but in general, I just liked taking time off from my main legacy and just, like, giving less of a shit? 🤷🏼‍♀️ 

Share more builds. This is pretty much a given, but let me elaborate! I would like to do more EA renovations—do you think I could renovate all community lots in 2019? I might give it a go. I will also definitely continue building completely random things, because I can’t help myself.  I would also maaaaaybe like to try recording my builds? I am obsessed with speed builds I watch them as I fall asleep pretty much every night; is that weird? but also kind of hate working with video. So we’ll see. 🙃

What would you like to see in 2019? 

[lizoni]

hi i sent u a message aaaaages ago sayin how much i love u and ur art and i just want u to know i still do and i find so much inspo from everything u do and the way that you work with colours and mediums makes my heart swell its great and lovely and i think u are A Beautiful person!!!! your art looks so much like you do and its so pretty just like u! i hope ur having a good day and week and month and just generally a great time i love u!!!! keep up The Good Shit

Yes you did!!!! It's still in my inbox bc it makes me super happy 😭😭😭 I keep all nice ad sweet messages in my inbox just so I can read them over and over again when I'm feeling a little down ❤️❤️ thank you so much u have no clue how happy all of this makes me feel 💕💕

[tonystharc]

Damn to Ignorant people like to try to push their double standards.

And I say this with Tr*mp supporters in mind, but this has been around for aaaaages, not just recently.

I’m all for opinions and different views, but you have to draw the line somewhere. Not everybody can be right, and these are the people who are not right.

They can’t even form a coherent sentence when you try to talk rationally to them. They yell unsourced lies, refusing to produce any prove, but when you tell them to look something up using ~the magic of fucking google~ because you’ve already linked many reputable sources it’s all “I’m not doing your homework for you!”

Their core belief is that it’s okay to control people. It doesn’t matter who they are, if they don’t adhere to what I believe, they deserve to be killed.

And then they argue that I believe the same (or just people in general believe the same), while not understanding the definition of ‘equality’.

Idk man. I can’t speak for other countries, but North Americans (especially older generations) are fucking dumb as shit, and can’t seem to understand basic principals. Like, that’s generalizing a big claim, but I have seen none - not just taking from my own experience, ‘I haven’t talked to anybody’ - but I haven’t seen anybody, on the entirety of the internet, in New York, London or Ontario, who can give a rational explanation for their beliefs.