Tumgik
#but it doesn't frustrate me any less
foundfamilywhump · 6 days
Text
see like the thing with 'carewhumpers' as a concept to me is it just like... i know this is prrrrobably not really how it's meant but something skeeves me out about the idea that kindness or caretaking mixed in with hurting someone can somehow meaningfully complicate or dilute the harm done to the point of making that character no longer a 'whumper' whereas someone doing the same 'bad' things but not ever being gentle or caring for them would just be a straight-out whumper. when like... that's how 90% of irl abuse dynamics work? so i just... don't really get the point, i guess. like to me it implies something about the 'care' provided somehow mitigating or combating the harm done that. i just do not personally appreciate or enjoy.
#gav gab#just thinking out loud#like i don't think that's 'nuance' or 'grey characters' i think that's just an extremely common and typical dynamic of abuse#someone breaking your nose and then cleaning up the blood and tucking you into bed is not less like#violent or abusive or harmful than someone who just stops at breaking your nose yk#and i think that it can successfully be summarized by any number of other ways?#carewhumper is just not useful or meaningful shorthand to me the way caretaker/whumper/whumpee are#it implies that the word 'caretaker' or 'whumper' encompasses 100% of a person's constant behaviour#in a very flattened and simplistic way#please do not come at me about this im not saying this is how everyone means it this is just#how i personally feel about it#due to the way i approach these words#and im not trying to say anyone CANT write about very typical abusive dynamics#im just saying the elements of like. 'good' behaviour or 'kind' treatment#doesn't make the Bad Part any less real or bad#the way that 'carewhumper' being set as a different or distinct thing than 'whumper' implies to me#i just feel insane whenever i see people using the term tbh like this is probably a me thing#a very stupid distinction to get hung up on#but i just. im always like isn't that just a whumper who's nice sometimes#what is the utility of this word if not to imply that#someone being nice sometimes meaningfully combats how cruel they are other times#what part of 'whumper' means they always have to be violent and awful 24/7#and do not take this to mean caretakers are never allowed to fuck up#or do anything wrong or get frustrated#or anything like that but that is like#very distinct from being a whumper of any kind at all#like the idea that a 'whumper' can only be 100% a sadist who means to cause harm and intends to cause harm every time is like#cmon now
94 notes · View notes
Text
People findinging out that antisemitism does, in fact, victimize people
Tumblr media
57 notes · View notes
bitchthefuck1 · 3 months
Text
you know what, I actually will talk about this because it's bothering me. The issue with focussing so heavily on syd and carmy's potential for a romantic relationship isn't that there's something inherently unintellectual about romance or whatever, it's that a lot of people seem incapable of doing that without immediately flattening the story and ignoring or intentionally misreading any and all nuance for the sake of that romance. Every scene suddenly becomes about how it impacts their relationship, every analysis is done through a romantic lens, every frame or line of dialogue becomes about finding some easter egg or hint that "proves" these people should start dating. Their dynamic is absolutely a fundamental part of this show, but if you can only see it as a will-they-won't-they, you miss so much of what the story is actually trying to say with these two.
There are good versions of this story where their relationship is romantic and there are good versions of this story where it isn't, but as soon as you decide them being together is "the point," you lose the ability to actually judge the story for what it is, not what you want it to be.
#like so much of their dynamic (esp but not exclusively in S3) has been about showing the ways that carmy's trauma and dysfunctional#attitude in the kitchen impacts other people and how even though he cares about syd and wants their partnership to work he keeps self#sabotaging and setting himself and by extension her and the restaurant up to fail and replicating the same toxic environments that#he grew up and trained in and this is very much consistent with his character and a natural continuation of the conflicts they've been#having since S1 but because him being shitty with her runs contrary to them getting together suddenly its 'ruining the story' and#out of character and only happening bc the writers just hate to see this ship winning and like. if you really think that i genuinely don't#know what show you've been watching bc it sure as shit wasn't this one. like it hurts to see him do this because you know#they could do something genuinely great together and that he's ruining a really good thing but this is also the reality of where he is rn#if he was just a good and supporting business partner and not deeply dysfunctional it would be wildly out of character#the problem w S3 wasn't that it 'ruined' their relationship it's that it had no clear focus overemphasized carmy's arc at the expense#of the other leads deprioritized the supporting cast while failing to give them their own arcs gave more screen time to#unecessary and uninteresting new 'comic relief' characters and let conflicts stagnate without resolving them or#letting them evolve over the course of the season.#this isn't exclusive to the bear this is a general trend ive noticed where as soon as the 'shipper' part of people's brains get activated#it's like they lose the ability to read the story any other way and it stops being about what's good for the narrative and starts being#about whether or not these two people kiss and anything that gets in the way of that is bad and anything that brings it closer is good#and it's usually whatever but it's really frustrating when the story ppl are doing that to is this good#it also makes people fundamentally incapable of treating any 'obstacle' to that romance in a way that isn't wildly meanspirited and#gross (esp bc those characters are usually women) which is exhausting. like no claire isn't evil or a 'pick me' or 'bad' for carmy#or a useless addition to the story or whatever other nonsense you guys have decided must be true to feel okay. she's a perfectly normal#character and their relationship is exploring some of the ways that carmy's inability to deal with or actually address his trauma#impacts the various relationships in his life. she doesn't even have to be a monster or a narrative mistake for him and syd to be#'destined' for each other or whatever. this isn't a middle school wattpad fic.#im definitely gonna get killed in the street for this but ive been looking for a good reason to spend less time on here so might as well#the bear#sydcarmy#sydney adamu#carmy berzatto
30 notes · View notes
jessmalia · 11 days
Text
how many times do i have to relearn the lesson that being productive actually makes me happier before it actually sticks?
14 notes · View notes
jabeur · 18 days
Text
ok i got a little emotional bc i have gotten so much better at putting on nail polish and it's 😭
10 notes · View notes
Text
God I don't wanna go to work today, all my classes are 🫠🫠 and the weather is 🫠🫠 and my brain is 🫠🫠
7 notes · View notes
martyrbat · 6 months
Text
im so considerate.... (<- guy not ranting about a thing it hates before its friend is done with the media)
#can officially say i finished the arkhamverse. didnt watch anything about that suicide squad one but i read all comics#a d watched the complete story & side mission gameplay for origins asylum city and midway through my refresher for knight#the biggest takeaway i have is wow these people are weird about convicts and addicts and love their toxic masculinity#but the gameplay and nostalgia impacts peoples opinions on it. maybe an enjoyable experience but for the story or universe itself#its a complete failure in every regard i can think of—only having glimpses moments of quality that makes the rest of it#be frustrating because the potential can be there. theres interesting premises occasionally but the execution and payoff doesn't make it#even worthwhile to get to those premises because of what you must wade through to reach them#<- thats me being my nicest and most spoiler freeabout it btw.#my other big takeaway is that tim is canonically older than jason and i think a grown ass man saying fuck that kid is really funny#[SPOILERS LOOK AWAY CJ]#<- tim currently works as a highschool science teacher while jason was shown to be adopted and made robin at 15#where he was then promptly captured and kidnapped by joker. he escaped half? a year later during asylum and AK takes place 2 years afterward#i think. the entire timeline for this shitty universe is awful and confusing. dick was robin for like 2 years its ridiculous.#and i think primarily so they can go noooo see bruce is a hot late 30 year old instead because you become dust at any older!!#but. back to the age thing. hes about 17 maybe early 18 during AK but because tim is a private school teacher he needs a bachelor's degree#and most people get it at 22/23ish and then theres the actual teacher application and being hired (or not because hes a nepo baby)#so hes early mid twenties or so. compared to a (presumably dead) teenager who he called a loser more or less.
10 notes · View notes
muninnhuginn · 7 months
Text
sth about how sapphire has low self-esteem even when he's considered a genius or otherwise extraordinary. and how that low self-esteem can lead towards him seeking validation from a wider crowd in a bid to smother his insecurities. how he uses that to feed his ego until he becomes reliant on it and desperately doesn't want to lose it. and it is validation specifically he prioritises over a deeper understanding or connection with others. because he would have that deeper connection in the form of beryl if he'd so accept it.
9 notes · View notes
zipquips · 4 months
Text
i am going to combust from the amount of times my parental figures assume i cannot do anything right
4 notes · View notes
pollen · 11 hours
Text
:|
6 notes · View notes
musical-chick-13 · 25 days
Text
I think. I think there's still a lot of "Well I don't want to be like THOSE girls," even among plenty of adults who truly do genuinely care about feminism. And I just want to say that trying to assure someone who is attempting to parse all of that out with "Oh, don't worry, YOU'RE not like One Of THOSE™️ Girls" does not........actually help.
5 notes · View notes
lonelyplanetfag · 1 year
Text
why did they make gender so complicated what's up w that
15 notes · View notes
cassarson · 6 months
Text
Do any of y'all have adhd and bipolar or know of any good accounts of what having both is like? I've noticed that I've been having some seriously abnormal moods recently, and the more I look into it, the more I think that it looks a lot like bipolar, but I'm not sure how it would interact with my adhd, or even if there's anything other than my adhd going on at all. Feel free to DM me if you don't want to talk about it publicly
6 notes · View notes
aeide-thea · 1 year
Text
god i know that complaining abt fic which most of you haven't read, and which i won't, for politeness' sake, identify in this post, is a great way to come across as both dickish and boring—
but i've been rereading a very long, very satisfyingly plotty series that's a fandom darling and the thing is, when you read like 400k of an author's work at once it really starts to become painfully apparent what their priorities are, by which i mean two things:
holy shit they're obsessed with 'what if strong powerful men who could hurt you didn't (but did hurt Bad Guys) (and it was sexy of them),' which leads into
holy shit they do not appear to have thought through the implications of saying 'i will have my heroes take over the same power structures that have enabled abuse, make no real changes to those structures other than swapping out the leadership, and then claim that everything is wonderful now bc Good Men Are In Charge'??
like. i don't necessarily need every passing fantasy to present me with a coherent, revolutionary system of politics and ethics—sometimes things are just fun and sexy and not especially Examined and that's fine!—but by the time someone's written literally almost half a million words, and done a lot of worldbuilding while they were at it, i am going to start squinting if they seem to think a Good Man can e.g. become an emperor by killing off the leadership of multiple countries and installing puppet kings loyal to him and still remain a Good Man, even if the justification was that the original leadership was maltreating its citizens and deserved to be extrajudicially executed. like. this shit was a bad, autocratic move when the US did it in real life and it's still bad now that you're having our mutual blorbo do it in fiction! and that's not even getting into the whole thing where like. they've got servants who the Good Man and his friends ""treat well"" but who very much remain second-class citizens in terms of how the story actually frames them and their concerns. [this was also a huge issue i had with foz m*adows' most recent book—everyone wants to write about fantasy nobles but they also want to make them good people and it's like. honestly i think it might be better to get comfortable writing about flawed people, but also—if your aristos aren't treating their servants like equals and your text isn't either, you haven't actually cracked the Moral Aristo paradox, sorry!] like, there's nothing that says your story has to depict a fully Healed World, nor should there be! but it's troubling if you seem to be convinced you've written one (and have your wide-eyed love interests constantly marveling at it!) when you very patently haven't.
#in all honesty—i've framed a lot of this as political/ethical critique‚ and like‚ it IS‚ but also—#i'm just really frustrated because like. the whole 'what if people were shockingly nice to you' thing feels like it SHOULD be better for me#but in actual fact i find myself totally turning up my nose at it and i can't totally work out why#i mean i guess part of it is that this author's Traumatized Love Interests are always really innocent victims#which i can't identify with emotionally because i feel like a piece of shit#so i need a story that's more like 'person who's been told they were a monster for so long they believe it gets convinced they aren't'#'(lovingly and sexily)'#but also i think a lot of it just. isn't subtle enough. like i need to have to put pieces together so i'm implicated in my own catharsis#being constantly told 'wow it's so amazing i'm not being abused by this person who COULD abuse me!! that's so sexy of them!'#is just. not doing it for me. like. 'not abusive' is not actually sexy to me‚ unfortunately. i need some character traits.#and unfortunately the ones this author tosses in for flavor ALSO don't convince me#because they never actually manifest in the story. it's like 'oh this character is so prickly—but never actually offends the LI.'#'oh this other character is so gruff—but the LI understands that about them from day one and doesn't take it personally.'#like. if the hero's 'flaws' don't actually cause any problems—they aren't flaws#anyway. i've definitely complained about this exact series multiple times on here at this point#but that's the thing—it's compelling enough i keep going back to it‚ so i get extra-frustrated by its flaws#whereas like. there's a lot of stuff that's much worse that i've been much less frustrated by#because i never had any particular hopes for it#anyway. thx for yr patience in this fully self-inflicted Trying Time‚ lmao#i guess this can get filed under#bookblogging
12 notes · View notes
cobwebbed-crow · 10 months
Text
If your institutionally mandated "diversity survey" doesn't include a 'prefer not to say' option for every single question, congratulations, I now know better than to believe that your institution is safe for minority students.
5 notes · View notes
maddy-ferguson · 7 months
Text
in october i read my brilliant friend by elena ferrante and then the story of a new name by elena ferrante and then those who leave and those who stay by elena ferrante and then the story of the lost child by elena ferrante and i was like i hadn't loved a book like this since i was like 16 will i ever find anything i like this much ever again. and i still haven't i don't even really enjoy her other books
#the english titles are so awkward like i kind of get it because the og doesn't have the story in the title for the first book either and i#understand not doing the story of those who leave and those who stay very long. but in french there's no the story of for any of them and#it's much better!#and like i say: brf slt#by december 1st i had read all 4 books twice like i was so obsessed#i haven't watched the show yet i want to i just haven't but i want to i think i will like after i finish watching what i'm watching rn i#hope i like it#and i've read other books i really enjoyed i've read other books i loved. but none that i connected with like that💔#but anyway. i've read basically all her other novels i read troubling love first since that was her first novel i was like hm. then i read#the lying life of adults and i actually really enjoyed it for maybe the first half or for like two thirds of the book like it had potential#and then? i don't know what happened. the last 50 pages especially made me so mad i was like literally what is this. why do we care about#this why are you ending the novel on this??/!?.#then i read the days of abandonment because i wanted to see if i liked it! i did not. i liked it more than troubling love but less than the#lying life of adults. i just started reading the lost daughter today because i'm a completionist and i'm actually liking it fine maybe#because i've seen the movie so i knew what to expect? idk. but it's so frustrating like the neapolitan novels were literary perfection to#me and her other novels are like very average i don't even enjoy them and they're all short like less than 200 pages (except for the lying#life of adults) that's why i finished them and kept reading them. i was also just curious like why am i not liking it!!!!#but i actually know why it's maybe two different things? the neapolitan novels are about two women it's about their relationship and theres#a lot of things about men in the books but still it's all about the two girls while the others are all about one main woman?#except the lying life of adults which is about a girl and her aunt and i think that's why i liked it more at the beginning.#there's that and there's maybe also the fact that we start in my brilliant friend when they're kids and then we see them grow up whereas#in her other books it's like adult women going through...something. again except for the lying life of adults. i didn't#like that one for different reasons it's different because it's from after the neapolitan novels the others are from before. but anyway#it's not like i'm incapable of reading books about adults but yeah i think the coming of age aspect is what made me me like my brilliant#friend and sequels so much like especially in relation to boys and men like just the way it goes is so good. like lila marrying redacted.#very bad but yk it's just all very good#and i also just don't like the style as much? like there's some things i liked or thought were okay+ in the neapolitan novels that are much#more prominent in her other works and when it's not in lila and elena's story it's just not good to me like it's actually bad#anyway. i'm halfway through the lost daughter because it's only 176 pages long and i'm actually having an okay time. but yeah#and it's been less than six months it's not like it's a lost cause or anything and i HAVE read other books i REALLY liked but...
2 notes · View notes