#but it feels like I'll never be able to touch those moments again. even though i can remember them and even though the same thing was true

[hamsternamedmarinette]

if it helps, tvtropes seems to be on your side w/ this one

I know it's been over 20 years so the writing team and cast has more than likely been made aware of this goof, but who dares me to ask the voice cast about it if I go see them at a con next weekend

[mellowwillowy]

Yan! Boyfriend x GN Reader

—𝒀𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒐𝒃𝒆𝒓 - 𝑳𝑰𝒇𝑬 𝑷𝒓𝒐𝒋𝒆𝒄𝒕 𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒕 , NSFW

Yan! Boyfriend who you thought to be a golden retriever only to have him turn into a Doberman the moment you are away from him.

Yan! Boyfriend who is the "all 5 love language combo" for you and you only!

Act of service? Fun, especially when his head is buried into your crotch. That aside, yes he does all those sweet ass stuffs. Anything you think of, he has done it, even to the very most downbad shit you could think of.

Physical touch? PDA if you are into that, else either a hand around your thigh, squeezing them with love or shit ton of pecks.

Words of affection? 'My love looks so gorgeous as usual! What a refined beauty my love is, no wonder I can't stop falling head over heels for you!' And you were on the bed with bad hair, drooling on your pillow.

Gifting? How many gifts have you received today from him? Starting from something little to something large? The most surprising would be him coming home with a pet for you.

"Ta-daaa! You've been saying you want a pet so I think you will like this!"

Quality time? Not a problem for him. He has a lot of time for you. Hm? Work? Better not question him further about it. All that matters is that it's enough to give the two of you more than enough, even allowing the two of you to laze around. (Unlike Yan! Lawyer Husband and Yan! Antagonist who barely has any time for darling pfft-)

Yan! Boyfriend who is practically on his knees like a dog waiting for his treat when you are about to do something ✨️ r o m a n t i c a l ✨️ on him. Say who's a good boy and you could have sworn you saw his non-existent tail wagging excitedly.

"Who's a good boy hm? Who's a gooood boy??"

"Me! Blue! Blue is a good boy!"

Well, at least he is now because he wasn't when you first met him. He's changed a lot just for you, didn't want to disappoint you the next time you see him.

Yan! Boyfriend is the guy who you can really depend on for everything. Financially? Yes. Wanna beat the fuck out of someone? Call him and that person will have a taste of all the martial arts he has learned back then, not to mention he was quite the delinquent back then. Mentally? Yes. He's always there for you, either making it worse or better.

Yan! Boyfriend who likes to show you off to his friends and co-workers so much as though you are his prized possession. The hand that never leaves your waist and the dagger he shot at the people who stared at you for a bit too long are threatening enough to scare them away. Will definitely have a separate chat with them later,

"The fuck you are looking at my love for hm?"

Ignore how their nose is red and bleeding okay? If only Blue was able to do more, he would have had his fist buried into their face even more and harder like in the good ol' days. Has no choice but to be good else someone might rat to you about his behavior again.

Yan! Boyfriend who really likes to sleep on your lap, being able to feel you this close just makes him feel all giddy like a teenager in love. Would litter kisses and licks if you are not wearing anything that covers your thighs.

Yan! Boyfriend who will almost have the same taste in music as yours because he's just like that. Sucking in everything about you and ends up liking it.

Yan! Boyfriend who will vibe with you nonstop. If you are the crack type person, he will just be as crack as you, making people think whether the two of you are high in crack or not. Will always make you feel like it's okay to do anything you want without having to be embarrassed. Too shy to sing? Well, watch him scream his lungs out (Lemon and Grape chilling with ear muffs) and his hand motioning you tag along.

"BABY WON'T YOU LOOOOVEEE MEEEE"

"What do you say we gag him up with the mic?"

"Great, I'll hold him by the neck."

Yan! Boyfriend who really loves watching you sleep. No, he's not a somnophilic bastard like Yulian. He just adores seeing you resting so peacefully. (while Eleanor panicking over darling sleeping)

Yan! Boyfriend who enjoys cooking breakfast for you. You'll wake up greeted with him standing by the kitchen or sitting by the dining table waiting for you to wake up. Hm? If the food has gone cold because you woke up late, he'll just reheat it. Nothing biggie so no need to feel bad about it ^^

Yan! Boyfriend who is always keeping his mental state in check just in case it cracks open the ugly side of him again. He's embarrassed of it yet he is grateful for it because it brought the two of you to meet. Just staying next to you is enough to keep him sane so try not to stray too far from him okay? He might really snap again and the place you once called home might be nothing but ruins.

"Love you... dear."

Yan! Boyfriend who hates being away from you! If his work suddenly requires him to be somewhere away from you, he will bring you along with him! (I might make a chart of the difference for all the LIfE Pro casts)

"Almost feels like a vacation eh? Let's visit this place once I'm done with work love!"

Although he always brings you along, there are times when he'll have to leave you with Lemon or Grape, either asking them to stay with you or you stay over their place.

"Try not to dent his sport car again yeah? He was yapping at me for hours ahaha! I will ask Grape to watch over you as well, she'll do well as your nanny. Hm? Not a little kid anymore? Oh no no, better be safe than sorry. Don't want those nasty ghosts keeping you awake during the night yeah?"

Afternote:

Blue is my second favorite! Yulian has always been the first so no one sees Blue that much... he's just so sweet... although the story he shares with Eleanor tangles everything up...

[bigdumbbambieyes]

They used to have sex every single day.

Hot, rough, quick sex whenever and wherever they could.

In their cars, in their rooms, on the recliners by Steve's pool, on his mother's perfectly kept cream coloured couch.

Always frantic, always desperate.

But, that was then, and this is now.

Billy feels shame. And guilt. A lot of it.

He takes antidepressants now and they're helping a lot, but not in other ways.

He can remember the flash of disappointment in Steve's eyes the first time he couldn't get it up for him. The humiliation and shame of not being able to get his fucking dick hard for his hot as fuck boyfriend who loves him and wants him -- it had been too much.

Even the soft touches and whispers of 'it's okay' weren't enough to push those feelings away. He pulled away, ran away, to the bathroom to hide in his shame, tears in his eyes.

Because he's always been good at sex. Always ready to go. It was what people had always wanted from him, what he was good for, and now?

It's been over a month now. Billy doesn't even want sex, which is a startling and unsettling feeling, but he's getting used to it.

He knows Steve isn't, though. Or, at least, he assumes, because Steve will still and try to start things late at night and Billy will tell him that he's 'tired' or 'not in the mood' and he hates the way Steve mumbles a soft 'okay', like he's given up.

Steve had even tried to bring it up one day over dinner, but Billy shut that conversation down immediately. He couldn't even look into his boyfriend's eyes when he did.

He knows he's a coward. He always has been.

But, Steve isn't.

Which is probably why, tonight, he's crawled into bed beside Billy and wrapped himself around him so tight.

Pressing his cheek into Billy's shoulder, and when Billy glances over at him from his book, he sees those big Bambi eyes staring up at him, and those pretty lips part to abruptly say, "Even if we never have sex again, I'll be here."

It makes him blink, caught off guard by it, and he feels that nagging shame telling him to push Steve away or get out of the bed, but Steve wraps his legs around his and holds him tighter, his gaze unrelenting.

His pretty boy presses a tiny little kiss to his shoulder and mutters, "I read the side effects of your meds."

It makes his skin prickle to know that.

"Billy," Steve breathes, frowning, "I love you, y'know?"

Billy nods, swallows thickly and mutters, "I know."

"Then talk to me."

Staring down at Steve, into those earnest eyes, filled with so much love and frustration, Billy knows he should. He owes Steve that much.

"It's," his voice catches, feels a lump form in his throat, "It's hard to."

"Why?" Steve whispers, thumbing over his skin where he's grabbing Billy's other freckled shoulder.

He gives a shrug, wishing he could just tell his boyfriend to drop it, but he can't do that to him. He's trying to be better.

There's tears in his eyes now, he can feel them wobbling on his lower lashes, but he decides to be brave and push past that shame and embarrassment to confide in his boyfriend, his best friend, his goddamn everything to whisper, "It's...so fucking embarrassing."

The tears stream down his cheeks, his face twisting as emotions creep up his throat, and Steve's face softens immediately -- and then he's bringing Billy into his chest, letting him hide there for a moment as he sobs, rubbing his back and kissing his hair, comforting him.

He feels so small like this, whenever Steve cuddles him into his chest, but it's also so safe. He knows he'll always be able to have this because Steve always puts him here, whenever he needs it, and it makes him breath just a little easier, even as he cries.

"What's embarrassing about it?" Steve whispers, his tone soft and curious, encouraging Billy to open up.

And again, Billy fights back the instinct to clam up, to shut down, and mutters into the soft fabric of Steve's sleep shirt, perhaps a little bit too mean, "I can't fucking get it up for you."

"But it makes sense, with the pills," Steve mumbles, not even bothered by the harshness in Billy's tone because he's used to his boyfriend being sensitive, "Like, you still like me, right?"

"Obviously," Billy mutters with a sniffle, furrowing his brows as he continues, "It's just...so frustrating. I--we used to fuck all the time, but even if I try to get hard, I just...can't."

If he wasn't so fucked up he'd fuck Steve all the time.

"It's not your fault, Billy," Steve murmurs, his voice firm, "Not having sex doesn't mean I don't love you. You mean so much more to me than just fucking -- please tell me you know that."

And, he does. Billy does know that. "I do," he whispers, realizing, "It's just...more of a 'me' thing."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Like..." he pulls away from his hiding place, just enough so he can see Steve again, in the warm glow of the bedside lamp, and it gives him enough courage to continue, "I've always thought that sex was...all that I was good at. That it was, y'know, what everyone wanted from me. So...when I realized that I couldn't do that, with you, I just...felt so embarrassed and ashamed."

Steve's eyes soften again, his voice just as soft as he mumbles, "Baby--"

Billy can't stop, "I know I'm shit at telling you things and how I feel, so I try and show you instead. And sex was always easy for me, to show you that I love you, because I got to make you feel good and that made me feel good, but...but now I don't know--"

"Coffee."

Billy's mouth snaps shut, confused, as he asks, "What?"

Steve smiles gently and reaches up to brush Billy's hair back, "You make me coffee every morning. You cook my favourite pasta whenever I'm sad. You massage my shoulders whenever you see me rubbing them, and even when I'm not. You always give me the blue piece whenever we play board games because you know it's my favourite colour. You're always the first one to reach out when we hold hands."

Oh.

"You do know how to love me, Billy," Steve murmurs, sliding his hand down from Billy's hair and to his cheek, thumbing over it with such tenderness it makes tears well in his eyes again, "I feel loved by you all the time. With or without sex."

Billy can feel his chin wobbling a bit as the new tears fall, because no one has ever loved him like this. He hasn't let anyone love him like this before. He feels stupid for ever thinking that sex would make or break them when they've fought literal monsters together.

"Do I make you feel loved?" Steve asks.

"Yes," Billy answers immediately, even nodding as Steve holds his face, "You tell me all the time and I feel it."

He feels it every time Steve praises him. Whenever Steve buys him a little something just because it reminded Steve of him. Whenever Steve lets him cry in his arms, like this. He feels loved when Steve encourages him to talk to him about how he feels because no one has ever fucking done that for him -- held space for him like Steve has.

"Good," Steve smiles, a little relieved, "And, I'm sorry, that I didn't realize it sooner -- I wouldn't have tried to, like, initiate and stuff. I feel like a dick, like I was pressuring you."

"You weren't pressuring me," Billy mumbles, reaching up to place his hand over Steve's on his cheek, "I felt fucking horrible for even saying 'no'."

"Never feel bad for saying 'no', baby," Steve insists, "It's nothing personal, I know that now."

Billy nods in understanding, the both of them staring quietly at one another, and Steve gives him a small smile that Billy returns weakly.

"I love you," Steve murmurs, scooting forward a little more just so he can brush the tips of their noses together affectionately, "I love you so much, Billy."

"I love you, too," Billy whispers, closing his eyes and nuzzling back, lowering his mouth a little more to press his lips against his boyfriend's in a gentle kiss.

He feels Steve kiss him back, soft and loving, so patient and understanding that it makes Billy's heart ache in gratitude and adoration.

He'll never love anyone else like he loves Steve, he knows that much.

"I'm willing to try, soon," Billy murmurs when they pull away, their hands still intertwined on his cheek, staring into those dark eyes.

"Sex?" Steve murmurs, his brows lifting.

"Yeah," Billy whispers, leaning into Steve's touch.

"Not because you feel like you have to?" Steve questions, worry in his tone.

Billy shakes his head, "No," and adds a little playfully, "I still want my boyfriend to fuck me, even if I can't fuck him."

Steve huffs a quiet laugh at that and leans in to kiss him again, nodding in agreement, "Yeah, we can do that. Whenever you wanna try, I'm ready."

Where there had once been shame and embarrassment is now a soothing feeling of being understood and known, so sweet that it makes Billy kiss his boyfriend again and again, wanting to say 'thank you' but knowing that Steve already knows.

[spdrvyn]

i love my husband — miguel o'hara drabble

fluff. heavy inspo on this video.

sorry for the inactivity and the lazy ass title, exam week came around before i could even start on the next request and i did nothing but relax the entire break (which was only FOUR days) so i'll bring this out and see if i can clear my sched enough to actually do shit. enjoy!

the moonlit sky reflects beautifully onto the shining surface of your mug, filled to the brim of chamomile tea and flooding your nostrils with delight as your body melts into the couch.

work kept you on the edge of your seat for the entire week, it was non-stop meetings and non-stop emergency calls even outside of your working hours that had you so stressed. you were sure you'd picked enough hairs out to make a wig.

the weekend is truly a blessing, you want to stay as far away as humanly possible from your phone and shut yourself out from civilization before you come protector of debra's last minute files.

you missed the soft cotton of your pajamas, not like you haven't worn them in the past couple of days but to actually be able to appreciate what it means to wear them and the greeting of a good night's sleep had you sighing and moaning almost a little too much.

you worked hard, you definitely deserved this. you grab a spare pillow and tuck it under your head turning to the side and looking at the city that surrounded you, your patience and tenacity at the office has now been rewarded with the view you're able to appreciate.

however, the shadow that looms over the carpeted floors of your flat don't go away even after rubbing your eyes. you look up and a faint red glow in the symbol of a very familiar spider catches your eye immediately, you smile lazily through the glass.

miguel slides open the door with no hesitation, cape still drifting in the wind from what you can only assume to be his own previous working activities. you can sense the tension wafting off of him like waves especially as he stomps all the way over to where you are on the couch and looks down at you.

his mask isn't off, he's still fully geared, and all you can do is stare back into those lenses.

that is until he surrenders, body giving up, and his body flops right on top of yours. it doesn't really surprise you, there have been times where miguel has come home after a worse day of saving the multiverse and traps you in a hug before you can protest or move. though you've never really seen him do this before.

he adjusts his position, but still keeps his arms tightly wrapped around you as you move as well so that you're holding him back. his face is buried into the crook of your neck and the feeling of his nose tickling your skin tells you that he unmasked already.

not a single word leaves his mouth, you silently adore the way he's melted into you already, the way the muscles on his back rise only to slowly fall again.

you don't want to break the silence, neither of you do. right now, the only form of communication that matters is touch. your lips burning kisses into his curls, your nose now erasing whatever of your tea was left and making the way for miguel.

he shies away from your touch with a small groan, "i stink."

a giggle threatens to break out from the back of your throat, as many times as he would insist that you'd keep going anyway. "so when you do it, it's fine? i see how it is then."

miguel chuckles, he inches himself into you further. deeper. his breaths become less and less shallow, it's clear that he's taking his fair share of sniffs from you as well. "because you smell good."

"i ran a bath, that's why." one last peck to his head and you opt to just comb his hair instead, running your fingers through the strands and observing as they twist back to curl after brushing it some more.

both of you stay like that for a while, not saying anything, not doing anything, just being here. existing with each other. you always find moments like these beautiful, even when miguel is probably one work call away from shaking hands with the grim reaper.

in miguel, you've found yourself open to so many new experiences and risks you could've never imagined on your own. despite the many amount of times at the start of your relationship that he'd give you space and wouldn't be mad if you left, you kept still by his side anyway. you knew that he was worth it.

in you, miguel found that mundanity that he's never had his whole life. passing out on the sofa on his own never felt the same, most times he'd wake up still in his suit and would have to go to work right after anyway. yet with you, the stress ebbed away over time because he knew that you'd always be waiting for him.

whatever historians had with their relics, miguel had with you. not to keep them confined in a metal case, of course not, but he felt as if you were to be revered. kissed and touched with utmost respect and you'd bring the people their good fortunes and long lives. you certainly did for him and miguel might as well be immortal now.

his hands wander, fingertips delicately grazing over the skin tucked beneath your nightwear. he goes slowly, traveling up to your chest where he—

"miguel?"

his hands freeze, face going red. the guilt of possibly going too far is ready to break free from his heart and consume him until he can feel your body trembling with laughter.

"since you apparently stink so bad, shouldn't you shower first before getting so handsy?" miguel pouts at your comment, he already had the apologies locked and loaded for you.

"just a few more minutes, corazón."

[ratcash-wasgud]

Hey hey hey! Wah this turned out to a rollercoaster lmao! Okay, so I'm actually super happy that I was finally able to write this part of the story, but beware, this is will contain a little smut, not too much though. Plus, I'm trying to fit the frustrations I had during watching the series into the story if that makes sense. Anyways, sorry for the possible spelling mistakes, and I'll try to continue as soon as I'm able to.

Like swimming in the sunset /part three/

As Mizu was heading back to the house, she kept her gaze on the ground. She felt ashamed, those thoughts she has while bathing still lingering in her mind. She walked through the woods, deep in thought until she was snapped out of it by a bow landing on a tree, right next to her head. She gripped her broken sword, her eyes scanning the scenery like a hawk, until you stepped out from behind a bush.

"Ah, Mizu! Sorry, are you hurt? I just heard movement and shot withouth thinking!" You hurry over to her with a bow in hand and concern filling your eyes. Mizu took a moment in to take that in, and pulled the arrow out from the tree. You moved close to her, looking for any injury you could've caused, and even put a hand on her face to tilt it so you could see better.

Your touch ignited her skin, and the hair stood up on her nape. Her face stayed deadpan, even if she was burning with every touch of your fingertips. It made her frustrated. She quickly shoved your hand away, which left you a little confused. "I'm fine." She says simply. "Why do you have that?" She asks, her eyes squinting at your bow.

"I'm hunting." You answer with a shrug and take the arrow from her hands, inspecting the crack that appeared on it's tip.

"Why are you the one doing it?" Mizu asks again, her tone as cold as ever...maybe even colder that what you're used to. She wanted to push you away a little...it's as if your touch, your voice...it made her crazy in some way, and she didn't know what to do with it. She knew she shouldn't feel this way.

"What, you expect my blind grandfather to hunt?" A small chuckle leaves your lips, and it makes Mizu's cheeks flush, but not in a way you could notice.

"Taigen?" She asks. She doesn't want you to be hunting. You're precious. What's next, will you be chopping wood too?

"Taigen can't hold a bow. He's a swordsman." You say with a shurg and a small smirk, putting your weight onto one leg. "Here, let me show you how to do it." You say, putting the cracked arrow into the arrow holder on your back, and taking out a new new one as you start walking. Your steps are quiet as you eyes scan the enviroment. Mizu walks after you in silence, but she's not watching the forest...she's watching you. You changed more than she could've realized. Sure, you could do things on your own back then too, but...she doesn't like seeing you do stuff she could do for you.

Suddenly, you stop, and you stop her too with putting a hand on her chest. That makes her breath hitch, as she sucks in a deep and quick breath through her nostrils. She doesn't even see the small rabbit you're pointing at first, since she's too focused on your touch where her...breasts are. You doesn't know that, but you're directly touching one under her haori and the bindings. That's only two layers. She can almost feel the warmth of your touch on her skin...and it makes her tingle. She wants that touch directly on her skin, she wants to feel you...but she could never get it.

She only gets pulled out of her mind when you let out a small victory "yay!" as you shot the rabbit, and rush to collect it. "Look! Must be almost three pounds!" You say with an excited smile, showing off the dead animal. It's such a surreal sight to Mizu. As you carry the rabbit back, she walks by your side in silence. She remembers the times you sat in silence with you in her childhood, but this was a different kind of silence. It felt...awkward. Like you were a stranger to her.

"So," You start, breaking the silence. "I heard Taigen has a bride." You say, trying to bring up any topic that comes to mind. "Akemi, right? Have you met her?" It doesn't seem like you noticed how much this topic irks Mizu. She narrows her eyes at the path you tow are walking through, and chews on the inside of her cheek.

"Yeah." She murmurs. "Once." She says, and from her tone you can tell...that's all she's gonna say. She doesn't know why she feels so awkward in front of you. Maybe because of that fluttering feeling, maybe because her imagination ran wild while she bathed, maybe because your touch still burns on her chest...whatever it is, it's new. It's not often she feels awkward.

"...and he's your age, right?" You say quietly, glancing at her with a smile. "Have you...thought about settling down too when you finish your quest?" Mizu can feel her heart skip a beat. Are you...hinting at something? Do you want her to settle down with you? Now that she's thinking about it, it would be pretty normal to marry the boy you grew up with, the only thing is...Mizu's not a man. Could she ever tell you that? Would you hate her?

On the other hand, you must like her as a man, if you're hinting at settling down together, even if that meant getting looks for marrying a halfbreed. She remembers how she felt towards Mikio in the best days of their short time together...and she wonders if you feel that way towards her too. Would it be too bad to pretend to be a man forever and live as your husband one day? Would that be possible, Mizu wonders.

"You know, there's a very pretty albino woman in town...I don't think she would mind your eyes, and she'd make a nice wife one day." You hum, and Mizu's train of thought suddenly crashes.

...what?

You...are you trying to set Mizu up with some other outcast? Mizu's jaw thightens. Suddenly, pretending to be a man and being someone's husband disgusts her. She knows it's a sick thing to want, but she wants to settle down with you, not some...other woman. Why do you want her to marry someone else? Do you dread staying by her side this much? Do you...have someone else you want to settle down with? It hurts her. She hates it and it makes her act indifferent.

"I don't want you to decide who I'm settling down with." Mizu says harshly, her eyes glaring. In reality, she's not mad at you. She's mad at the situation, her feelings...herself in general. But somethimes...it's not in her power to control her anger. "Do you even know what you're saying? You think I can't find somebody myself?" Mizu says, stopping in her tracks to look at you, her blue eyes colder than ice. "You don't you have the right."

"What?" Your eyebrows shoot up. "No, I was just suggesting!" You try to defend yourself, but Mizu has already stormed off, walking ahead. She doesn't know why she's acting like this. Is it jealousy? Maybe...maybe it is. As she walks back to the house, she's faced with...Ringo.

She slowly sits down next to the guy who's chopping dried up herbs, making spices. "I..." Mizu starts, then sighs. "Can we talk?" She asks, and the previously still fussy Ringo's gaze softens and he nods.

"You and Master Eiji's grand daughter...are you two not on good terms anymore?" Ringo asks cautiously. It seems like even he can read the room and force his bluntness down.

Mizu bites the inside of her cheek. "...I'm not sure."

Ringo sighs. "She really likes you. While you were still unconcious she was worried sick. All she talked about was you, and the time you spent together as children." He says with a small comforting smile. That plants a warm feeling inside Mizu's heart, and then guilt spreads all over her being. "She's a kind soul, Master, but I'm sure you're the one who knows that the most. So...I'm sure if you asked her to open her heart, she'd do it."

Mizu thinks...does she wants you to open your heart to her while she's about leave, and possibly never come back? She remembers when you were taken away by your father, and she broke inside. Maybe, when she leaves it will feel that way for you too...it's a sick thing, but that makes her a little happy. She wants you to miss her while she's not by your side.

"Maybe I will." Mizu sighs, then looks at Ringo from the corner of her eyes. "...thank you." She even shoots him a little smile. "Useful." She murmurs, and Ringo smiles back.

Mizu stands up and goes to find you next to the fireplace. Before she enters the house, she stops in her tracks. She hears you giggling...along with some other voice. Eiji is not inside, she knows that since he was outside picking out wood, so...it's Taigen. Mizu can't force herself to step inside, so she just...stands there. Peaking and listening.

"Oh, you're just a jerk." You laugh while Taigen holds up the kitchen knife too high for you to reach. "Come on! The food I'd like to make with that is your dinner too! You're playing against yourself." You say, playfully flicking his forehead.

"Jump then. Jump and get it." Taigen dangles the knife above your head with a smirk. It was strange to see Taigen like this. So this is how he acts around women...knowing he has a bride too, ugh. The guy's just awful.

"As if." You say and punch him in the side, which makes him hunch over and you quickly grab your kitchen knife from his hand.

"Hey! That was a low blow!" Taigen eventually starts laughing too, and pushes you, making you drop the knife, and he tackles you to the ground and you yelp. It makes Mizu want to throw up, seeing Taigen on top of you like this. Thankfully you quickly flip him over, pining him down by sitting on him. You seem...stronger than you look. Mizu always saw you as delicate but...seeing you this way, flipping a grown man over with ease and holding him down, is...doing something to Mizu.

At first you and Taigen just look at eachother, giggling before his eyes widen and he goes quiet. You just look at him, confused for a couple seconds before you eyebrows shoot up and your cheeks turn fully red. You jump off him, and turns towards the wall, revealing what was the cause of the sudden mood change...Taigen go hard.

Mizu's eyes widen and she feels...she feels disgusted and shocked at the same time. How dare he, is the first thing that comes to her mind. But what really twists her insides is your reaction. You seem...flustered, if anything. She hates is. Why did that fluster you, and not make you enraged?

Oh, right...he's a man, and a man you, for some reason, don't hate.

As Taigen apologizes and mutters something about probably just missing Akemi, you quickly and awkwardly rush out of the room, and when you do, you crash into Mizu. She doesn't even care about getting caught eavsdropping, she feels...crushed. Like she just lost a race she didn't even knew she wanted to win. But now she knows she wants to. She wants to win, so bad. You stare at her, your cheeks still red as Mizu grabs your wrist before you could react, and starts pulling you towards the forest.

"Mizu?" You asks, eyebrows lifted, still under some shock. "You saw that?"

"Keep quiet." Mizu says, and after dragging you to the forest, she corners you against a tree. "Taigen? Really?" She hisses.

"What? You think that was something I anticipated?" You ask, your eyebrows furrowing. "If I had a choice, that would've never happened." You say, slowly reaching out to touch her arm. This time, even if only that tender touch makes her shiver, she doesn't push your hand away.

"Don't act fool. I see how much you like being around him." Mizu says, her eyes narrowing at you. She isn't thinking clear. It's like she's drunk on jealousy.

"Taigen is entertraining, I'll admit that. But that's where it ends." You say. "I...I'd never chose him over you. I'd rather be around you, but you hardly allow it." You whisper softly. Thos words...they make Mizu's heart band on her ribcage, roaring inside her chest.

Then Mizu takes a deep breath and... "I'm sorry." She whispers. "I'm not sure...what's with me. Maybe I got a concussion." She says, lowering her gaze.

Then, she quietly gasps as she feels your hand move op her hand and slowly reach her neck, caressing the skin. She's now almost breathing hard, her gaze burning a hole into yours. All while your other hand slowly glides up her chest. Her hand flies to your waist by instinct and she slowly pulls you closer and she lets out a shaky breath.

"I meant that...I wouldn't choose him over you...or anyone for that matter." Mizu feels herself melt inside. A warm feeling taking over her whole body, something that turns her heart into a pile of honey. She feels like...she's swimming in a sunset. She then, before she could regret it, leans forward and pushes her lips against yours. The best feeling is that you don't hesitate to return that kiss, and you even take control of it. She finds herself with her lips parted, your tongue inside her mouth as she's desperately collects your saliva, savoring your taste. As the kiss keeps going, you slowly take her hand, and place it on your chest...your breasts, to be exact.

Mizu jumps on the opportunity and slides her hand inside your kimono, her fingers finally feeling your skin. And oh, you're so warm. Her hand enveloping on of your breasts, squeezing it gently, just to feel how soft it and...it's softer than she imagined. She feels your nipple harden against her palm, and she pushes against it. It's a feeling she never expected to like...but she loves it. You're body's reacting to her, and it's doing it so nicely too...she wants more. She rolls it between her fingers, which makes you sigh into the kiss. Mizu can't get enough of this.

This all happened so fast, too fast, but at the same time not fast enough. Her head is spinning as she pulls away from the kiss, gulping your saliva down as she opens your kimono and slides it off your shoulder. She leans in to lock the nipple between her lips, and it takes all of Mizu's willpower not to moan as she feels it against her skin. She softly licks it first before she gently sucks on it for a couple seconds, and she glances up at you with narrowed eyes, gauging at your reaction. When she feels your hand in her hair, and hears your soft moan, she feels something warm coating her inner thighs. She does it again, and again as your sound, taste and feeling makes her pant and her hands slightly shake.

Oh, she wants this. She wants this so bad.

But then she's pulled out of the moment, her eyes widening when she feels your hand on her crotch.

[just-wrting]

Not Leaving Again

Title: Not Leaving Again

Pairing: Portgas D Ace x Reader

Warnings: This deals with grief, depression, death, and whether or not one wants to die. It’s an angsty piece with a slightly happy ending.

Word Count: 1,519

Master List

Summary: After what feels like too long, you get to see your boyfriend. The circumstances could be better and he’s devastated knowing this.

A/N: This is more of a personal piece than it is anything else. I wanted to write angst and this was the idea. If you can’t handle the topics, do not read this. I’d rather people be happy than read my sad stuff.

It doesn't hurt. Well, it doesn't hurt as much as you thought it would.

The hug he has you in is crushing the air from your lungs, but you don't care. You've probably missed him more than he's missed you, though you have no proof for that. You've been super busy, but even so, you haven't had a reason to visit.

"You shouldn't be here," he stresses as he cups your face.

You raise an eyebrow. "Don't tell me you didn't want to see me, Ace."

He frowns. "You know that's not it. I missed you so much, I just shouldn't be seeing you like this."

You pull on your bloodstained clothes. "To be fair it's not my blood."

"That's what you said last time."

You lean in and give him a kiss. "Are you going to stand there looking sad, or are we going to catch up?"

Reluctantly, he laces your fingers with his. You know why he's sad. There's just nothing you can do about it. Sure, you feel terrible that he's sad because of you, but the worst part has yet to come. For a moment, you want to pretend it's not happening.

"So what have you been doing since I saw you?" Ace asks. "Sorry I haven't been paying much attention."

You give his hand a squeeze. "It's okay, I know you've got others you like to focus on too. I've been super busy. Being a pirate isn't easy, but I don't think I'll ever regret it. I wouldn't have met you otherwise."

Ace gives a weak smile. "You couldn't beat me in a fight, but you sure looked cute trying."

"The goal was never to beat you, it was to just not die. I did a pretty good job in that fight, if I do say so myself."

His smile fades. "Yeah, you were still able to hold your own."

"You're still ranked as my hardest fight. Though I did just recently face one of those guys from the Worst Generation. Gave me a wicked scar, but I managed to get out of it."

He stops walking. "Show me."

You give a slight frown. "Nothing can be done about it now, so I don't know why you want to see it."

"Please," he begs. "I don't want to see you get hurt ever again."

You oblige, peeling off the stiff clothes. There's nothing to be ashamed of, Ace has seen you naked and the beach is empty. That doesn't stop you from being a bit nervous. You know it's because you've got more scars compared to last time, and some of them the injuries he gave you left marks.

“I’m glad it wasn’t Luffy, I don’t think I’d have the heart to fight him knowing he’s your brother. That and he’s making quite the name for himself now.”

“Yeah, he’s doing great.”

Ace gently traces each new scar, like he's memorized the placement of all the old ones. Even though his touch is surprisingly warm, you still shiver. It's not like you don't like his touch, you're just a bit surprised.

"See? Even the one from the last time you saw me has healed nicely. You can barely see it."

He pauses as he traces one on your abdomen. "Where's the one from this time?"

You can't meet his eyes. Avoiding the question will just upset him, you're just not ready to talk about it.

"Ace," you pause. "I don't want to talk about it just yet. We have plenty of time."

"There shouldn't be any time. I don't like this."

There's tears in his eyes, and your heart breaks a little. It's not good hiding it from him, you just don't want to hurt him more than he already is. It's unavoidable.

"I promise I'll tell you in just a bit, but can't we just for a moment pretend that everything is fine and the way we want it to be?"

Now you're cradling his face, trying to hold back your tears. Of course he wants to know, it's the first thing he asked you last time too. It gets harder and harder to leave him every time you're together again.

"It won't ever be that way. You know this, it just hurts when you drag it out," Ace cries. "Please stop doing this."

What little resolve you have cracks. Tears flow freely down your cheeks as you grab Ace's hand. With shaking hands, you bring it up to your forehead, brushing stray hairs away from it.

It doesn't hurt. Not anymore. Not as he traces the wound with shaking fingers, dried blood crumbling from your head.

"There won't be a next a time Ace. I can't leave here. I can't leave you."

You place a hand on his chest, tracing the lines left by his death. You haven't been the same since he died. You've been worse since your first near death experience.

You woke up on a white sandy beach, looking up at Ace. He was sobbing over you, cradling your head to his chest. Despite knowing you shouldn't be seeing him, you felt at peace. Knowing what was waiting for you was a relief, so every single battle was fought relentlessly.

Now you'd never gone looking for a way to see him. You'd only ended up here three times before this. Even on those days you woke up and just missed him, you never tried to see him.

"How did it happen?" He pulls you closer. "What happened?"

“I just wasn’t strong enough this time. I got ambushed and had a choice, either join them or die.”

For a spirit, he’s so warm. You were shocked the first time you woke up here. Ace was solid, warm, and felt so real. It felt like a dream. Once you found out the truth, you didn’t know how to feel. It was such a struggle knowing that all it took to meet him was to follow him.

“I just-” he tries to say.

You sit down and pull him to you. He can’t stop crying, so you lean him into you and pat his head. It doesn’t bother you that he’s so emotional over it, better him than you. After all, it doesn’t quite feel real yet. When it does, you’ll have to depend on him.

“It’s okay, I understand. It’s not an easy thing to deal with. I cried for hours when I found out you died.”

Ace just cries. You hold him the whole time, not stopping your gentle rubbing on his back. It’s difficult to recall a time besides Ace’s death that you were inconsolable. You never really knew your parents so it wouldn’t be when they died.

After what must be hours, he stops crying, his body now shaking with hiccups. You haven’t stopped telling him that’s everything is okay, even if it might not be.

“I just didn’t want you to die. I missed you, but it hurts to see you knowing that you’re dead,” he mumbles into your chest. “How am I supposed to deal with that? What am I supposed to feel when I look at you?”

“Well every time I’ve gotten to see you, I think about how lucky I am to be able to see you and know you. It’s not all bad, at least we’re together even when we’re dead.”

You fall backwards into the sand, pulling him down with you. Pressing a kiss to the top of his head, you stretch out in the sun. You’d like to make the most out of the situation.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

You sigh. “But it was inevitable. We were pirates, it was bound to happen. Maybe we’ll get a second chance and find each other again in a happier place.”

“You think so?”

“I hope so. I’ll do my best to find you in every life, Ace. You managed to find me here, so why wouldn’t we be able to find each other again?”

Ace doesn’t say anything, just buries his head further into your chest. You can tell he’s tired, but you don’t know if it’s even possible to sleep. Instead of asking, you just start talking.

“I managed to see a lot of cool things though. My crew hated that insisted on stopping at every single restaurant and buy the most expensive meat on the menu, but some of it was amazing! If I could’ve brought it with me, I would’ve. There was an amazing savory and spicy steak that paired really well with a sweet wine and the whole time I kept thinking of you.”

You have no idea if he’s even paying attention to your yapping, but you don’t mind. There was so much that you did because you wanted to do things he liked, so you might as well tell him while you’ve got the time.

Your mouth doesn’t get dry, and the sun doesn’t set. The only sounds you can hear are the gentle crashing of the waves and your own voice. As weird as it sounds, you think you finally feel at peace.

[ellalalala]

🎲 <333

Aaa mootie! I'm sorry it took me a while! This is entirely self indulgent, hope you don't mind :)

39. A tentative kiss

kiss roulette

"The rain is letting up. We should be able to head back to the city soon."

You gave a soft hum in response. Disappointment bubbled in your chest at his words; you'd found endless enjoyment in this moment shared with Dainsleif, all but forgetting about the rest of your worries.

The soft pitter-patter of the rain, accompanied by Dainsleif's steady breathing at your side soothed you more than you could confess. Moments like this were rare - the bustle of your daily life didn't allow for any peace - thus you wanted to savor it for as long as you could. Besides, when was the last time you had gotten to be with Dainsleif uninterrupted?

You looked through the gaps between the trees above your head, and saw the sky painted light grey. Water droplets fell on your skin, though they mattered little. The woods provided you with decent shelter and you had nothing to complain about.

Your eyes fell on Dainsleif. To your surprise, he had been gazing at you all along.

"Are you cold?" He asked. Dainsleif tentatively reached out to caress your face whilst you stared, mesmerized.

The feeling that you had known him in another lifetime followed you even now; it was easy to imagine a different version of yourself admiring his visage, smiling at the mere thought of him. Was it just your imagination, that hopeless romantic inside you?

"You're freezing."

You blinked, pulled out of your thoughts. "Oh. I didn't even notice..."

Dainsleif pursed his lips before making a move to remove his cape, to which you shook your head.

"What about you?" You asked.

"I'll be alright," he said, "the cold no longer affects my body the way it affects yours."

You chided yourself inwardly for forgetting as Dainsleif removed his cape and draped it around your shoulders. In an instant, you were enveloped in his smoky scent; the cape did very little to warm you but, at the very least, it made you feel as though you were wrapped in Dainsleif's arms - to which nothing could ever compare.

His hands lingered on your shoulders.

"You should have dressed in warmer clothes," Dainsleif murmured, not without fondness in his tone. It was becoming increasingly difficult to hear a word he said when he stood so close, when you could feel his warm breath on your face. "I will brew you some tea once we return. It would be a shame if-"

You interrupted, chuckling softly, "I won't get sick, Dain. There's no need to worry."

The corners of his lips just barely tilted upwards and Dainsleif offered you the tiniest of smiles - even that was enough to fluster you. You fought the urge to avert your gaze shyly.

"It's better to be safe than sorry," said Dainsleif. He turned his head for a moment and your gaze followed. The rain had ceased, leaving dew-laden grass in its wake.

The disappointment inside you that had laid dormant made itself known once more, clouding your joy with bitterness; this moment would end, you would return home side by side and then, come morning, Dainsleif would leave for another journey with naught but a promise to return as soon as he could.

It was easier to accept your fate than to dwell on it.

"Alright," you mumbled, stepping aside. "We should get going."

But then Dainsleif called your name, softly, almost unsurely, and you immediately came to a halt. Your eyes found his - brilliant pools of sea blue that entranced you, willed you to see only him.

"What is it?" You asked curiously, watching as Dainsleif approached you once more, taking your hand in his. He gave no warning before closing his eyes and pressing his lips to yours in a most gentle kiss.

Dainsleif kissed you slowly, savoring the taste of your lips like he would never kiss you again. You had never known that something as simple as this could be so sweet; you pitied those who had never known Dainsleif's tender touch, reveled in the fact that you were the only one who would ever know him like this. Sweeter than all the dandelion wine in the world - Dainsleif was yours.

He broke the kiss and smiled.

"Let's go home."

[tinycheesecakedetective]

...I'm baaaack.

I mean, I made one post about Swap!PV and then got distracted for months, so I wouldn't really call this a comeback. The moment I did come back though, apparently a bunch of lore just fell from the sky! Beast Yeast is upon us and all of a sudden I remember making an alt. version of this goober.

Turns out there were a few things I wasn't satisfied with in the first one, so here I am with my Swap!Vanilla 2.0 human edition! Even after all this time I still don't have a name for him. There's more white in his design, he has four horns instead of two and they form a crown on his head(that might be a bit hard to see), he also has a halo, his staff changed drastically, and he lost his soul gem. Instead he has two new smaller gems on his "ribcage".

This time around I tried to invoke more death themes, hence the ribcage, more wrappings, the halo, and the burn marks from, y'know, being re-baked and essentially reborn. The halo also makes for a nice double meaning, showing his somewhat good intentions behind the violence and spreading chaos gig.

Speaking of intentions, I maybe or maybe not have mentioned the only swaps happening in this proposed AU are between PV and WL and [possibly] Black Raisin and Red Velvet. I say maybe because if I checked, all the writing would disappear and I would have to start over again. However, I have wondered if those two swapped, how would PV handled the kingdoms? Would it be the same as DE or would the fates of each kingdom end up being swapped as well? It's something I definitely need to think on and develop.

Anyways, ramble break, here's a few doodles I did for Swap!PV!

Yeah, I had a lot of fun doing this. SO! A few changes not mentioned prior. Eyes! There are more eyes, especially on his coat. I took a bit of inspiration from a certain blue jester and his realm of nightmares. It also plays nicely with the whole "truth revealed" theme. Why not give the holder of the light of truth a bunch of opened eyes to represent his awakening? Also they looked good and his cape-coat was too plain without it.

Fun Head Canons: He's always floating, even when he's relaxing his feet never touch the floor. This PV still has a lily garden, it's just hidden away because while he still misses WL despite everything, he refuses to show weakness in front of others. His coat can take the shape of angel wings when angry and multiple eyes can appear when furious or in distress. Speaking of eyes, the ones on his coat glow. Those gems on him are pieces of moonstone that got corrupted after saving him.

As for the story behind him, I had to make a few adjustments. For one, DE and WL are two halves of the same whole, and the only reason either of them exists is thanks to precautions taken by Elder Faerie. Which means Pure Vanilla somehow has to get the stuff from Lily, who came to Beast Yeast without saying much of anything to anyone beforehand. Secondly, it means the Pure Vanilla Kingdom can't be the last kingdom explored. Pre Beast Yeast, the order in which the kingdoms would be explored would change, where White Lily's area would be explored first instead and the Vanilla Kingdom would be last. I'll address the second issue on a different post related to White Lily, but first things first. Fair warning, I wrote quite a bit.

~~~

After forming the seal, White Lily falls ill due to the immense amount of power used. She's not used to using so much of her soul gem, much less creating a seal to lock away ancient evils. Seeing her faltering state, Elder Faerie takes her away to his palace to help her recover. During her time in the palace, White Lily becomes distressed because not only does she feel like she's being a burden, but she won't be able to continue her research on how cookies were made. That was the whole point of coming here, after all. She left her friends and home behind to find the truth and ended up sick and bed ridden instead. The least she could do to redeem herself was to find the truth.

Racked with guilt and regret, she asks Elder Faerie for two favors; she wishes to know the secret behind cookies' creation, and she requests a pen and paper to write with. Before long, White Lily gains a messenger(Silverbell) who gives her books from the library to read, and a way to reach the one other person she understands. Someone who should've known where she was most of all. Pure Vanilla Cookie.

From there the two keep exchanging letters as White Lily brushes up on fae and beast lore. But eventually White Lily would learn about the Night of the Witches in a similar enough way to canon, i.e. finding the book about it. While she's recovered enough, she's still not well enough to go, and Elder Faerie isn't risking her well being and safety for a banquet. She's devastated that her questions may never be answered. If only she could go, if only there was some way to witness it while being in the Fairy Kingdom. And then... she realizes something. Perhaps there is a way for her to know after all...

White Lily, in the discomfort of her hospital bed, writes a letter to Pure Vanilla and asks him to go to the Witch's Banquet in her place. She knows that this is a huge ask, and he has every reason to refuse the favor, but it would mean the world to her if he did. Elder Faerie hears about this and is rightfully worried, telling her about the dangers, and any cookie that goes doesn't come back the same, if at all. He sends his own letter to Pure Vanilla to warn him of the dangers that lie ahead. A few more letters come in from WL apologizing for her request, saying it was out of line and inappropriate. "What a selfish request," she thinks, "after leaving him in the dark for so long, I have the nerve to ask him for anything at all?"

However, despite everything, he eventually decides to go. He knows that this means everything to her, and a part of Pure Vanilla secretly wondered about it as well. White Lily searched heaven and earth to find the truth so she could help others. Why would he keep avoiding it for so long? If he knew the truth as well, perhaps he could use these secrets to help the people of Earthbread alongside her. Maybe now he would finally understand White Lily more.

He wrote a letter addressed to both WL and EF about his final decision. White Lily is surprised at his decision, and is eternally grateful, while Elder Faerie is more resigned and concerned, knowing that he won't be able to change his mind but still wanting to help. He asks her to help write her next letter, and the two send a package to Pure Vanilla. Inside was another letter with the faint smell of lilies, as well as a map to the location of the banquet and a moonstone from Elder Faerie as a show of goodwill and for protection. He in turn sends what would become his final letter to her, unbeknownst to the two reading. He expresses his gratefulness to both WL and EF and declares his determination to find answers both for her and for the sake of everyone, stating, "Let me be your hope when you have none, and you my guiding light in shadows..."

Pure Vanilla proceeds to head to the Witch's Banquet, discovers the bitter truth, and in his attempts to save the other cookies falls into the ultimate dough. The fleeting scent of lilies is the last thing he grasps in his final moments, and the faint glow of a moonstone ensures his survival. His soul gem shatters under the weight of the truth and is scattered across the world, longing to be made whole once again.

~~~

Well! I think I have said everything I can say about him for now. I'm sure I can come up with more things later, but if you read this far, thanks for reading! I did not know I was going to say this much, so yeah. Next post is for White Lily specifically, I hope. I'm also taking suggestions for ideas about the other kingdoms and ways this could go, so if you have anything to suggest, let me know. Y'all have a good evening!

[atlasscrumpit]

Yandere Bucky. Hydra AU

Bucky is still the winter soldier. Hydra brought him the reader so he wouldn't get bored in his cell and attack guards. Bucky begins to develop feelings for and obsession with her. Even though she had her in his cell. he still feels different because of his metal arm. So he asks Hydra scientists to put a metal arm on her too.

Just Like Me

You sat against the corner of the cold blood stained cell as you stared wife eyed at the super soldier glaring at you.

Unlike him, the muzzle on your mouth was only able to be removed by a special key your handler had. But, now the soldier held that key in his hand.

He knelt down to your level and reached up to run his hand through your hair.

"It's been a long time since I've seen someone like you..." He whispered, tilting his head like a lion sizing up its prey.

He leant in and rested his forehead against your, breathing in your scent as he sighed.

He reached behind your head and gently took the muzzle off before he kissed your lips softly.

You were frozen in shock as he kissed you, you were surprised how gentle he was.

He sat down and stared at you.

"What do they call you?" He asked as you tried to find the words to speak.

"They always just called me 78." You whispered as he thought for a moment.

"How about I just call you doll?" He asked as you nodded a little, not wanting to anger him.

He reached forward and watched as you flinched, he paused.

"Don't be afraid." He whispered as he gently ran his hand up your thigh.

"I'm not like them, you know." He growled lowly as you looked at him in fear.

"I won't force you to..." He trailed off as you nodded a little.

"But, you are mine now. I can do whatever I want with you, like feeling your soft skin, or having you pressed against me while I sleep." He whispered, his hand gliding over your soft skin.

You weren't sure if he was talking to you or just himself.

He leant in again and looked into your eyes before kissing you again.

You had to admit, when you were told you were going to be the soldiers play toy, you thought the moment he saw you he would attack you...or worse.

He ran his hand up your arm, his metal hand squeezing the skin.

"Perfect." He whispered before he held your hands and helped you to stand up, looking over your body.

"Is this all I have to do now...?" You whispered as he reached up and held your face in his hand.

"Yes, you're only purpose is to be mine. That's it. Don't worry about those other men, they'll never touch you again." He growled, his grip on your face becoming a little rough.

He stepped back and sighed.

"I-I'll control myself." He grumbled as you nodded a little.

"It's fine... I've had to deal with a lot worse." You whispered as he looked at you sadly.

"I just haven't...haven't touched someone in so long." He muttered, slowly coming forward again before he reached up to play with your hair.

"This place is nothing but coldness and pain and you're just so...pretty and warm." He whispered, leaning in to hug you and bury his face in the crook of you neck.

You hesitantly wrapped your arms around him in return as you both just stood there for a while.

You wouldn't admit it but it did feel nice to have something other than torture for once.

--

Time passed and you soon grew bored of your nee purpose in Hydra. You could feel yourself getting weaker everyday, sure you had food and water but you hadn't been outside for so long.

You were starting to lose your mind...and so was the solider.

He came back after a torture session and began clawing at his metal arm.

You scurried to the corner in fear.

"Soldier... It's okay!" You shouted before he ran up to you and pinned you against the wall.

"I'm hideous!" He screamed in your face as your eyes widened with fear.

"You aren't hideous, not at all soldier." You whispered back as he looked down at your arm and ran his hand down it.

"I want you to know what it's like... I want you to be like me." He whispered looking back into your eyes as you looked at him in shock.

"W-What? Soldier, you don't mean that." You whispered, fear evident in your voice as he leant in and kissed you.

"We could be so powerful together, doll. It'll just be us... We can take down Hydra. Think of how much power you'll have with an arm like mine." He said, leaning his forehead against yours.

"I don't want to, please." You begged as he smiled softly.

"It won't hurt for long, doll."

[vigarioamelia]

there are a lot of tragic characters in elden ring (pretty much everyone lol) but godwyn exudes a kind of Shakespearean tragedy that just makes me feel so bad for him

godwyn the... betrayed

do you guys remember that trend? jupiter was supposed to be a star but failed?

alexa, play the old doll audio

i'll be talking a lot about godwyn so uh big words trigger warning i guess

Godwyn the Golden, the first child of Godfrey and Queen Marika the Eternal and also the first Demigod known to ever perish.

He was the first descendant of the Golden Line and one of his traits is *literally* being friends with dragons.

Whenever he's mentioned, grief is involved. Both the grief of a Mother and the grief of the people.

He was part of the Golden Order, but we know for a fact he was no maniac for its fundamentals, given the genuine bond he had with Fortissax, for example.

I know we can't really Know this stuff but come on, Godwyn seemed like a certified Big Bro™. He gives the feeling of how pure a person should be. Royal blood – of the purest kind! From the lore we have of him, it appears that he really was The ideal prince.

I like to believe he was particularly fond of the Omen Twins and that, even though they grew up in completely opposite worlds from each other, he was always sort of There. Better than Marika, that's for sure. Just imagine big bro Godwyn taking his baby bros for a tour around the capital. They spend the entire day running around and Godwyn looks so peaceful that the twins can't help but feel that too, if only for a moment.

Not to mention the tender relationship he probably had with the cursed twins.

When Godwyn's spirit was slayed during the Night of the Black Knives, he received a fate worse than death itself: the curse of living in Death.

He who should be crowned golden as the Lord among them all was crowned in ruin as the Prince of Death.

Godwyn will not only never die, but he will never live again. His existence is a terror that punishes the roots of the Erdtree, a thing that not even Miquella was able to stop or help in any way.

This once sweet and kind and beautiful lord is now nothing but a creature spreading across the land.

When both Miquella and Fortissax failed to give him a proper death and rest, what then remained of his body was laid under the roots of the Erdtree. A bit fair, isn't it? First of the Demigod, ruined and buried under the Erdree, where he will slowly but certainly cause destruction and despair all across the land, bringing death to all it touches.

It kills me that the place where he's buried is so dark and lonely and scary. The Godwyn before the Rune of Death was assured to have dozens if not hundreds of statues and paintings and churches and whatever to honor him.

But Godwyn the Golden ceased to exist. There's no one left to adore or admire or cherish. The only thing left is Godwyn the Prince of Death.

He's now worshipped by the undead, Those Who Live in Death, as D calls them. Is there a more tragic end for a royal who was once beloved all across a golden capital?

The only way to change his fate is to make things even WORSE.

Restore the Elden Ring with the Rune of Death and he supposedly comes back again, but. Oh. My. Fucking. God. I would literally go fucking insane if I first opened my eyes to the world I cherished and grew up on completely destroyed by MYSELF without my damn consent.

If he became Prince of Death by his own choice? Fucking sexy. I would support him. SLAY (literally).

But this? My man was ROBBED.

Imagine being "reborn" (in death) and realizing that EVERYONE from your life is dead. The place where you ran around as a kid? Fucking demolished, DIRTY with ashes. ASHES OF DEAD PEOPLE.

AND YOU'RE THEIR MONARCH.

There's NOTHING to rule and most of all THERE'S NOTHING TO PROTECT.

Literally the worst thing that could happen to a dude.

look what the fuck they did to my baby holy shit there truly wasn't enough room for a blonde twink in the lands between was there

Ohh... Oh,  Lord Godwyn... Such cruelty, such humiliation... My poor, sweet lordling should have died a true death. As the first of the demigods to die. As a martyr to Destined Death. But why must it yet bring such disgrace? A scion of the golden bough, sentenced to live in Death...

i really only have two things left to say:

1. godwyn was too sexy to be in the game so miyazaki gave him the worst fate known to humanity (godhood?)

2. this happened to my buddy eric

[shunxaii]

—★ kamisato ayato

x male!clanhead!dendrouser!reader

(references iykyk)

library ! games shelf ! click here for part i !

🐧 title : stars in your eyes

m/n hummed to himself as he tended to the plants in the kamisato estate. he was outside in the garden wandering around and helping thoma with the dying plants. his vision glowed a soft green as he used it to bring life to the plants.

"i think that should do it," he mutters to himself, standing from his crouching position. he sighs and observes the massive garden before nodding in satisfaction. he turns to thoma, who is still crouching just beside him, "don't worry about the garden anymore thoma, i'll take care of it for you."

thoma felt like he was going to cry, being blessed with an illusionary visage of m/n with a halo and wings, resembling an angel. "thank the archons," he said under his breath.

m/n gave him a questioning and oblivious look before strolling deeper into the garden, thoma following behind.

ayato occasionally looked up from his paperwork, sitting on the porch of the garden, making sure to take notes on m/n's condition.

after their moment in liyue, ayato issued a hostel transfer to inazuma. however, it turns out m/n was ready to be discharged, he just needed to recuperate the energy he lost. it didn't take more than a day to depart from liyue. though, m/n shared heartfelt farewells with the friends he had made during his stay.

it's been a week since then. nothing much happened in between, aside from ayato taking care of m/n or thoma taking ayato's place due to his busy schedule. not only did he resume his work, but also took m/n's load just so he could relax and not strain his mind.

"you are not fine, you need rest," m/n urged an exhausted ayato to go to bed and have a goodnight's rest. the deep bags dragging his eyes and health down didn't go unnoticed, leading to the tired man's husband to fret over him. "come on," said man pulled on his arm.

ayato chuckled under his breath, not pulling away or protesting, "i love your caring nature." his words made his husband's heart flutter a bit. blush tinted his cheeks as he hung his head low. "let's have pancakes tomorrow."

the random invite made m/n smile as he lead ayato to their room.

ayato felt paranoia loom over his shoulders after the incident. he pleaded for m/n to move into his bedroom and to keep his mind at ease, his husband agreed and even shared the bed with him.

that night, m/n couldn't fall asleep. his mind solely focused on his husband, who was in slumber beside him. ayato was cuddling into his arm, as if not wanting him to go in fear of not being able to see, hear, feel, and touch him again.

it truly warmed his confused heart. the actions ayato showed him felt surreal. he never would have thought that kamisato ayato would love him. was it like this before he lost some of his memories?

he raised a hand and traced the scars on his cheeks. "he still likes me after seeing my scarred face?" he whispered into the darkness, seeking an answer to his neverending questions. he felt insecure.

a tear rolled down his cheek the more he felt his face. he felt ugly. he felt like he couldn't face his family after being bested by some fatui agents and even coming home with scars.

his hand felt warmer, making him quietly gasp. "don't cry, i love you just the way you are," his eyes panned towards ayato's face. his warm eyes caressed his soul and his words hugged him like a warm blanket on a winter night. "your scars doesn't change my feelings for you."

"no matter how ugly you think you are, i'll kiss your scars, showering praises on your imperfections as if they were perfections. i'll never let you go, please tell me you won't go..."

m/n's eyes widened at his husband's proclamation. he felt his heart skip beats, e/c eyes averting from being flustered. the adoration in ayato's voice made him feel dizzy, as if he has been waiting for those words to come out of his mouth for a very long time.

he was. subconsciously.

"i won't."

just like before, ayato poured effort into waking up with m/n, eating breakfast with him, accompanying him throughout his work, strolling around with him, eating lunch with him, and doing practically everything with him.

m/n didn't mind, he actually grew fond of the new memories on top of the old ones he started to regain slowly.

"i remember you saying you like stars," m/n brought up as they sat on the porch having afternoon tea. ayato almost choked on his tea, eyes widening a fraction.

"you're starting to remember?" excitement and happiness evident in his voice as he put down his cup. ayato couldn't help but smile as m/n nodded. his husband looked so peaceful these days. he looked so beautiful. "yes, i love stars."

as their relationship grew, more memories started coming back and the new ones strengethened m/n's already existing feelings from the past. as he remembered more clearly, his heart and mind opened up everytime as they interacted. it felt as if he was reborn and ayato was experiencing it every step of the way with him.

the blurred faces of the fatui agents started to become vivid, as did the words that left their mouths that horrifying day.

"smile, they said. i looked too pathetic and miserable... they said," m/n repeated to his husband, who was furious. ayato eyed the scars that haunted m/n some nights where his insecurities got the best of him. it made his heart feel heavy knowing he wasn't there and he can't do anything at all.

ayato rubbed his husband's cheeks gently, "you don't look pathetic or miserable. you look gorgeous and they're just jealous." he proceeded to press a kiss on each cheek, where the scars were.

m/n blushed and hid his face away.

"you know... i never told you why i love the stars," ayato said from beside m/n as they laid on a blanket on the grass outside on the garden. they looked up at the night sky. it was a beautiful night. it was cold but it was right. it was silent, but it wasn't deafening. it was just them and it was all m/n needed.

"oh? why do you love stars then?" his inquisitive eyes searched ayato's light purple ones as he sat up and peered down at his laying husband.

ayato chuckled and reached up, moving aside strands to reveal more of his e/c eyes. they were as welcoming as they were captivating.

"because every time we talk, i see stars in your eyes."

m/n gasped, ayato's face inching closer to his.

"and they twinkle when it's something new you learn about me or it's something you're interested in."

at this point, ayato's breath fanned over m/n's lips. the latter held his breath, unable to avert his eyes or pull away.

was this it? their first genuine kiss? where the feelings were twice as reciprocated? if it was...

"may i?" ayato's voice drowned into the night, the crickets filling the void of quietness.

m/n answered, "please."

ayato's lips met his awaiting ones.

it felt just as perfect as the night.

m/n never learned, he just felt it. it was always there. his love for ayato... was beautiful.

ayato never learned, he realized it. it was always there, he just denied it. his love for m/n... was red.

they both fell in love in different ways.

[skinwalker-bratz]

Eyeless Jack x AFAB reader: memories

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CW: gore, cheating, angst, character death, mentions of sex.

A/N: First time posting an angst fanfic that I planned and had an idea behind, well if no one likes it I'll just pretend nothing happened. I hope it's good and you enjoy it.

Reader's POV:

I lived with him for a few years, he's always been very affectionate with me and perhaps one of the only people I've been able to trust in my life.

And it really was, I never had luck with people and relationships, to the point where I couldn't even trust my own family.

And since I had a difficult life in the city with a bad job, annoying people and loneliness, I agreed to move to where Jack lived, a cabin in the middle of the forest.

At the cabin he brings everything i need and want, while I take care of it and grow some of what I eat.

And it was good, for the first time I could experience the feeling of genuine happiness that I missed from my childhood.

He made me happy after a troubled life.

I know it's weird to have this relationship because he's a demon, or something like that, but it's just that in life you meet people that are so evil that they make demons more trustworthy.

And I loved him, since the day we met for the first time.

Well, I confess that I was a little scared before but it seems that he became less threatening each time I got to know him more.

And as soon as I gained his trust, we started to have a friendly relationship, and then slowly everything escalated into a romantic relationship and then I decided to live with him.

And everything seemed like a Disney princess story, we always did everything together, we cooked, we watched movies, we showered, and in the end, we were cuddling and kissing. It's like we couldn't stay apart from each other.

I had never had a person who gave me so much love before, so I always reciprocated by making handmade gifts, taking care of him and doing whatever he wanted, he was like a sun in my life.

He even put his mark on me, the demonic mark like a bite on my neck during one of our love making sessions, a permanent mark which represents a unbreakable bond as he told me.

Everything was always so good, that even when we fought, we started talking again as if nothing had happened before.

But it seems like this year he started acting weird towards me, suddenly all that burning fire and unconditional love from Jack had gone out like a dead flame.

He was more distant than usual, he spoke very little to me and all the sex, making out and words of affirmation were slowly becoming less frequent.

I thought he was sick, or that something had happened to him, maybe someone was causing this or hurting my love.

But every time I tried to talk to him, he just avoided bringing up the subject, diverted the conversation or invented something very important to do at that moment.

Of course, this made me worried, maybe I had touched a nerve, maybe something very worrying was happening to Jack, but as he didn't want to tell me I just respected it.

And of course I also suspected that something was wrong with me, but as I was sure I hadn't done anything, I thought something had happened to Jack.

And the days went by, I remember that that was the grayest week of my life, I really remembered what it was like to feel alone, what my life was like before.

Even though I had things to do and distract my mind in the cabin, it was strange doing all that without Jack's company.

It was as if those activities had lost their meaning and were empty.

But after a week he spoke to me again, apologized for the sudden silence and we went back to normal.

He never told me what had happened, but I was happy that at least I had Jack back.

We had sex that night and it was one of the best I've ever had, it was like filling a need I couldn't hold back any longer.

The next day I woke up feeling strange. Jack, suspicious of the situation, went into town that morning and returned with a pregnancy test.

We didn't know whether to be happy or shocked by the situation.

We didn't even expect it to be possible for us to procreate.

In the end we accepted that, and Jack started to take care of me so that our baby could come into the world healthy.

But deep down I still felt weird, and it wasn't anything related to the baby or my pregnancy.

My intuition kept screaming that there was still something wrong, something that had changed in my life since Jack had been silent that week.

Even though he still gave me all the love in the world, I felt like that love didn't feel the same, like it wasn't truly genuine or meant to fill some hole.

Some hole he didn't want me to discover, so I kept my guard up for any clues as to what was going on.

It was until one night I was sleepless so I stayed up late in bed with Jack without him noticing.

Until he went on another night out to collect organs and I stayed in bed waiting, maybe that had something to do with what was happening.

And since I was sleepless, I stayed awake until he came back. And he returned, not realizing that I hadn't slept yet.

Until then everything was normal, He took off his clothes and went to bed, and as he lay down next to me I smelled something strange and unusual on him.

It wasn't blood or mud, it seemed more sweet but slightly acidic.

That's when I realized what was going on but I kept my composure, I tried not to cry or think about it or he would feel the scent of my sadness.

The day dawned gray, as if my world had died and I had lived a lie for several years.

I didn't see Jack as my one and only love anymore, and now he was just a stranger to me.

It was as if we had never loved each other before, and nothing I experienced with him was real.

He lied to me, he lied.

I waited for him to leave and cried all morning until he came back.

I didn't know what to do, I would never be able to forgive him, I've had my dignity taken away too much in this life, I wouldn't want it taken away again.

I confess that Jack changed in some way, there was something strange in his aura, something that scared me.

I felt like the first time I met him, he seemed more threatening now.

I didn't feel safe in his presence even though he seemed "normal." It was as if at any moment he was going to attack me and he was manipulating me just to give me a false sense of security.

A security that he always promised, he was always very protective of me, but now it seemed like I was just another prey.

But It was already almost nine months of pregnancy, my belly was huge and our baby would soon come into the world.

Maybe he wouldn't try anything with me when our son was born... Or no, maybe he was just waiting for me to deliver the child.

All of this was my speculation, since Jack had a strange vibe after that night.

And I myself must have changed in some way towards him after that night, I became a little distant but I tried to hide it.

I always remembered the smell and how it felt to be betrayed.

But I was afraid I thought to try to get revenge and he would want to retaliate and take my life in some way.

I know it seems absurd, but I had already completely lost trust in him due to what he had done and the circumstances of our relationship.

It was like coming back to reality and seeing how stupid I was to think that a literal demon was worthy of being loved.

If he was already interested in someone, what if he started to like that person or thing more than me?

And if that happens, what will happen to me?

What if... What if he thinks about getting rid of me?

...Kill me?

My mind sometimes imagines too many things, sometimes I go out of my normal range, but this is a great possibility within everything I've ever experienced.

More tears fell and I felt a terrible pain in my chest, I collapsed crying again on my bed, until I felt weak and fell asleep.

I woke up in the afternoon and Jack was by my side. He had asked if I had slept at night and commented on how swollen my eyes were.

There seemed to be some concern in his tone, but I replied that I just hadn't slept well.

As the week went by I came up with a plan to find out but I didn't know where to start, so I had the idea of ​​following him on his outings, but it would be difficult.

I would have to sleep in clothes suitable for going out at night, but he would suspect of me, since I always slept in pajamas.

Until that afternoon I saw a letter left for me on my plantation, the place I usually access the most, so it was definitely for me.

Yeah, it had my name, it was for me.

When I opened and read the letter I felt things like shock, hatred and then sadness again.

It seemed like everything I was suspecting was confirmed there, I wasn't paranoid.

The person who wrote the letter was getting involved with Jack, and he wasn't human, just like him.

He described how easy it was to steal my husband and how he was good in bed and I was a cuckold.

I didn't know whether to cry again or kill Jack, but since I was only human, what could I do?

I was trapped in a cage and my captor was much more powerful than me.

I wanted to believe it was all a lie and show Jack the letter, but given his strange behavior and everything that had happened so far I decided it was better not to.

It was just better for me to accept the truth once and for all.

As I couldn't face Jack and I was afraid that if he knew that I discovered everything he would do something to me, the best alternative was to leave without warning and hide.

So I slowly packed my things, I organized my clothes and my belongings in a way that would make them easy to put in my suitcase when I leave, but without raising suspicion or seeming too easy.

And the week passed, soon I was going to give birth to our son and that made me nervous because it was the week I was planning my escape.

Jack seemed closer now too, and he hadn't left my side all week, probably because of the baby.

It was the first time that his presence irritated me, I tried to show any affection but that would be useless if he smelled me and felt that I didn't love him anymore.

Maybe he didn't even suspect it since he never said anything, or maybe he did, I don't know.

I got the news that someone Jack knew had been injured and needed his help, oh it was just Toby.

So Jack had to leave but and promised to return as soon as possible.

And for me, it was my chance to finally leave and when he took a considerable distance from the cabin I quickly opened my suitcase and threw my things inside.

I already knew that region very well from living there and knew how to get to the nearest city, I was taking money and a first aid kit and food, I was more than prepared.

It was when I was leaving that I froze at the door when I came across a tall, pale figure, that thing was Humanoid and with strange features but handsome in some way, it seemed to be male.

The thing just looked me up and down and laughed in a mocking tone as if I had lost some competition.

He explained who he was and asked if I had received his letter.

I felt that hatred climbing my chest again when I remembered that fucking letter, that demon was provoking me again, but this time I didn't care much, since I didn't feel anything for jack anymore.

That demon continued to tease me as I headed away from the cabin, telling me all sorts of things that might offend me.

I tried to ignore him as much as possible but I couldn't take it and started responding to him in an equally rude and cold way.

He laughed and continued teasing me, but I kept my composure and just gratuitously offended him trying to regain my dignity.

Somehow I was amused by this because I saw he was getting angry and I was winning.

It was then that he released how flawed the idea of ​​a demon loving a human was, how weak we are and a bunch of other bullshit.

He said jack never loved me and will never love me, that humans are nothing but prey for demons.

Even tho it could be a truth I replied that even so, I was married to Jack and he was just the other guy.

This angered him deeply, and as I smiled and savored my victory I soon felt something crossing the area between my belly and my chest.

When I looked down I saw that the fucker had thrust his huge claws into me and then ripped them off with such force that I fell to the ground.

The pain was piercing, it was like nothing I had felt before, I felt my blood leaking and pouring on the ground, my veins popping and my face getting hot with my tears.

Until I howled and moaned loudly trying to contain a loud scream that could alert Jack.

For some reason I preferred to fend for myself rather than ask for his help, I already doubted any intention he had with me.

I didn't think he would actually help me.

I crawled away from the creature while he laughed like a child at some immature joke.

He told me to get away from there before Jack came back and finished the job.

It broke me too, how did he know I distrusted Jack? Was he just saying something or did he know something?

I tried to get up and leave as quickly as possible, but the pain was unbearable, I had to limp and lean against the trees without making any noise, keeping my hand pressed against the wound, I moved away from the creature and its laughter became more and more distant behind me.

it was only then that I remembered the baby, and then an even greater pain cut through my chest.

My mind filled with thoughts and my heart with panic, what if he had hurt my child?

My baby could be my only hope of being truly loved in this world.

I couldn't sit still and think, so I felt an even greater motivation and strength to get out of there and find someone to take me to the city.

Before going, I opened my suitcase and first aid kit and cleaned the wound and bandaged it.

I ate something noticing that the sun was setting, I didn't know if there would be cars on the road after that time, so I hurried through the forest to get there as quickly as possible.

I finally found the road, but I was already losing my strength and a lot of blood, what was in the kit might not be enough to stop an internal bleeding. And so I started walking slower still looking for a car or someone.

I had been walking for a few minutes, I was feeling very weak, everything was getting dark so I felt on the side of the road I lost my bag and I was waiting there for someone to arrive.

But no one came.

I felt like an abandoned dog on the street, who had escaped from an abusive home and was left to slowly die.

My vision started to get blurry and dark and soon I lay down, seeing the moon in the sky, it was hard to see it's details but I knew it was my only source of light.

And somehow I felt comforted, the moon might never leave me and I didn't feel alone in its light.

I slowly things didn't make much sense, but I could see every memory of my life so far playing like a movie for me.

I saw my family, school, high school, college, my first job and all the misfortunes and bad things that happened to me,every wound, every abandonment, every betrayal, even Jack.

I saw our life in the cabin and how absurd it was what he did to me after so much joy, maybe I really was insignificant to him, maybe jack was like any other man in the world, even though he was a demon.

Then I saw the demon that killed me.

This life was too difficult, maybe the child I was carrying could be my true light, but I couldn't never let them see the sun for the first time anymore.

I was sure that if I was going to be able to see my son anywhere, it wouldn't be here on earth.

Maybe next time I'll be able to meet you my little hope.

I closed my eyes and haven't heard anything since.

Investigator's POV:

This was the letter encrypted by a medium who visited the forest after several reports from visitors regarding paranormal activities in the region.

The activities vary, from voices, screams, cries, to a kind of Poltergeist in the forest that throws rocks at visitors and causes scratches on their skin.

There has even been a report of an alleged possession, it must be a very disturbed spirit.

The cabin in the region, which has been abandoned for a long time, is the location of most intense activity.

According to the descriptions, the spirit that disturbs the region must belong to −/·−/−−/·−/·−·//−−/·−/·−·/·−·/··, who after disappeared ten years ago was presumed dead weeks after a long search.

I try to process this story, which is pretty crazy by the way, a relationship between a demon and a human in the middle of nowhere, where the two got married and were going to have a child...

I even thought it was the medium's joke but after some investigation everything was confirmed when we found in the basement a frame containing a photo of the missing person and the thing they were married.

From the photo and the description on the card, this demon is very reminiscent of the internet legend "Eyeless Jack", that became popular in the golden age of creepypastas.

In the backyard of the cabin, where there was probably a small plantation, there was a simple tomb, which, when investigating the buried remains, confirmed that it belonged to −/·−/−−/·−/·−·//−−/·−/·−·/·−·/··.

We found no remains of the couple's child or this Jack, which perhaps indicates that they are alive or have left the region.

Of all the cases I've ever dealt with, this was the craziest.

Me as a paranormal investigator, I have dealt with all types of paranormal activity before, with varying stories, but nothing compares to this.

This ghost appears to be much more aggressive than any spirit I've ever investigated, and its story is pretty crazy too, somewhat intriguing.

But so far there's nothing left to see, maybe tomorrow I'll find more clues and then call a priest to bless the place.

[bolithesenate]

The origin of Sifo's hair loopies?

"Jo, what are you doing?," Sifo tried to peer at her busy fingers doing... something with a section of hair at the side of his forehead.

"Hush, hold still." She sent him a cautionary jab over the Force, concentrated solely on her little project. "I just learned how to do this, so don't fuck this up."

What 'this' was got revealed to Sifo-Dyas about half an hour later as he peered curiously into a reflective bit of a spoon (due to grievous lack of mirrors in the Archives). He tilted his head, shaking it a bit, the movement sending Jocasta's hairdresserial masterworks (?) swaying.

"And what are they?," he asked again, looking at his very proud looking friend.

"It's a Knight-braid," Jocasta said proudly, "I learned about them when I visited Jedha. Apparently they fell out of fashion already back in Grandmaster Sunrider's time, but there's still records of how to do them."

Sifo looked back into the spoon. Shook the braids some more. "Knight braids, huh," he murmured, "I've never heard of those. You sure that was a real thing that existed?"

She shrugged, already going back to her half-finished kaf she'd gotten before their little pause mid mission-prep. It must have been ice cold by now, Sifo would never understand how she could still drink it like that.

"Does it matter if they did?," she quipped back, before downing the contents of the cup. "They're cute and they suit you. Way better than that stupid beard Yan has been growing out."

Oh, so this was about the beard.

Sifo should have known.

"Maybe if it grows long enough you can braid that too?," he couldn't help but tease her, "You know, get some old traditions up and going again? Maybe start a new trend while you're at it?"

All he got was a look that could have shock-frozen Mustafar twice over. "Do not," she mocked throwing the kf cup at him, "even joke about that, Sifo. I'd rather personally shave down Master Tyvokka before touching that... thing."

Sifo laughed, fingers already reaching to play with the new braids. They were fun. "Oh, don't act like that. You can't fault him for trying to hide his babyface. There's been talks of him getting offered a Council Seat, you know. He's been stressing out over it all month."

"And his solutions to that was to grow a beard over it?" Jocasta sounded dubious. "I don't know. Sounds like a case for the mind healer to me."

"Oh shut it," he flicked her though the Force, "I think it looks stately."

"Of course you do." Her defiant murmur was barely audible, buried behind the datapad she'd pulled out. "Suckup."

"Not everyone is on a crusade against all facial hair like you are," Sifo singsonged happily, ignoring her dramatic mood (it was mostly an act anyways). "A bit of self expression won't do our dear Yan any harm."

Jocasta's face darkened further. "Not him maybe, but just see how you'll feel about it when it gives you beard-burn. That shit sucks."

Sifo snickered. "Advice taken."

"I'm serious, Sy."

"And I'll keep it in mind, Jo." He scooted over to her, flinging one of the newly installed braids against her cheek. "Plus, you've given me the weapons to defend myself now, haven't you?"

With an annoyed groan, Jocasta simply reached out, quick as lightning, and grabbed Sy's entire face, pushing him away. "Stop that you little kriffer," she complained, "I'm already regretting this, just so you know."

Sifo let himself be pushed away. Then he waited a few moments, before immediately diving back in, tackling his smaller friend in a hug. "Nahh," he said happily, rubing his face against her side, "You love me. You love the braids. Show me how to do them myself?"

"You're gonna keep them?," she asked, peering down on him. It was evident that she was flattered by the idea. Flattered that he'd liked them.

Sifo grinned up at her. "Of course. As I said, I gotta be able to beat back Yan's beard-attacks, don't I."

"Hmm." She looked off, clearly fighting down a smile. "I'll see what I can do."

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

Francis Drake Main Story

Translations may not always capture the exact nuances or tone of the original text. Expect grammatical errors.

(Drake?)

His aquamarine eyes gleamed coldly in the darkness.

Mitsuki: "Did I say something weird?"

Drake: "Nah, it's probably just the way you see things. I can't understand it, though."

Slightly furrowing his eyebrows, he turned his gaze to the water's surface.

Drake: "For me, betrayal meant death."

Drake: "There was the risk of dying from betraying and the danger of being killed in retaliation for betraying. No matter which side I stand on, death is always close by."

Drake: "I can't read people's hearts no matter what they say, and even if I believe them, you never know when they'll turn on you."

Drake: "I don't have the time or the ability to consider the other person's circumstances."

(There it is again.)

(He easily fits into social circles, but there's still this cold side to him.)

(I guess this is related to his past, after all.)

Drake's tone sounded as if he had cut off his emotions, giving a glimpse of what he must have experienced during his time as a pirate and a soldier.

Drake: "If I betray someone, I do it with the understanding that I may die. If I'm betrayed, I'll chase the other person to the ends of the earth for revenge."

Drake: "If I can't achieve revenge, I'll curse the whole world like a sailor wishing for destruction on an eternal voyage."

(.........)

The smile he wore had a somewhat cynical and pessimistic atmosphere, making me shiver.

(For someone who has lived through battles like him, my way of thinking might seem naive.)

It wasn't just his way of thinking.

Even taking just one aspect like 'betrayal,' it felt like everything about the world he had walked through was different.

(He feels distant.)

(But then again, he might think I still don't understand him.)

Mitsuki: "I chose to believe because I wanted to believe. You're the one who made me want to follow through on that feeling."

Drake: "Me?"

I nodded in response to his questioning gaze.

Mitsuki: "Don't you remember? You invited me on a boat before, just like today, and listened to me."

Mitsuki: "You said that living in a way that goes against my own wishes is the real betrayal."

------------Flashback------------

Drake: "If you're always thinking about those people and sacrificing your desires, you'll miss out on life."

Drake: "In that case, you should choose the path you believe in."

Drake: "In my opinion, living in a way that goes against your own wishes is the real betrayal."

---------Flashback Ends--------

Mitsuki: "When you said that to me, it made me realize that I shouldn't betray my own feelings."

Drake: ".........."

At that time, it was undoubtedly thanks to him that I was able to let go of my negative thoughts and reconsider my own heart.

(His words back then still resonate in my heart.)

After conveying my feelings, he spoke up.

Drake: "You really are a strange woman."

Mitsuki: "Huh?"

Drake: “I could never trust someone enough to be okay with being betrayed.”

Drake: “And yet, you started to think that way because of my words.”

Mitsuki: "Yeah."

Drake: "I don't get it."

Drake: "Still, I'm amazed by your stubborn kindness."

He said something dismissive, yet he reached out and gently stroked my cheek.

Mitsuki: "Drake?"

Drake: “I don’t know why, but despite your ridiculously naive thinking, I can’t ignore that you secretly feel sad behind that stubborn kindness.”

Mitsuki: ".........."

His touch was so warm and ticklish, and it felt like heat was spreading from there.

(I don’t understand it either.)

(Sometimes I feel so far from you, yet you’re still here for me.)

Understanding him was like trying to catch a wave.

However, the warmth we shared at this moment was undeniably something I could believe in.

After a while, the sound of a bell echoed in the quiet night.

Drake: "We should probably head back soon."

Mitsuki: "Yeah, everyone must be worried."

(Although I want to stay like this a little longer.)

Drake: "Actually, maybe I won't go back."

Mitsuki: "Huh?"

Drake: "You said something nice, so I kind of wanted to go against it."

Mitsuki: "..........."

Drake: "Kidding, let's quietly leave before the city lights go out."

After exchanging banter, we returned to our usual atmosphere.

Mitsuki: "Thank you again today, Drake. I always end up talking to you about everything."

Drake: "I also talk however I want, so it's a fair trade. Don't worry about it."

He faintly smiled while rowing the boat.

I felt like I was slowly starting to understand him, yet at the same time, I still felt like I didn't understand him at all.

(For example, where does he get that coldness he sometimes shows?)

------------Flashback------------

Drake: "Trust, huh? People can easily betray you. You never really know what someone's thinking deep down."

Drake: "Well, I’m sure you’ll be fine, so you don’t need to worry about it."

Drake: "Real betrayal is much more merciless."

---------Flashback Ends--------

I remembered his words and actions that had been stuck in my mind for a long time.

Mitsuki: "Drake, there's one thing I'd like to ask."

Drake: "Hm?"

Mitsuki: "Have you ever had someone betray you badly?"

Drake: "..........."

Drake: "Well, yeah. Being betrayed and betraying others was just a part of everyday life for pirates."

Despite my bold question, Drake smiled.

However, his gaze momentarily darkened as it wandered across the river's dark surface.

Drake: "But the first memory of betrayal in my life was from my mother."

(His mother?)

Drake: "You see, my mother comes from a somewhat special and prestigious lineage."

Drake: "However, one day, she got pregnant and eloped with a man."

Drake: "With me in tow, my parents traveled from town to town to escape."

Drake: "Life was tough, but they were kind. My mother always looked at me with gentle eyes."

Drake: "But when I wasn't even ten years old, our escape suddenly came to an end."

Drake: "We were captured and brought back by the clan members who were chasing us, and my mother died as a captive."

Drake: "In her final moments, my mother averted her gaze from me and said,"

『 I should never have given birth to you. 』

Mitsuki: "She seemed like a kind mother, so why would she say that at the end?"

Drake: "Who knows? Maybe she couldn't take it anymore."

Drake: "Because I was born, she became a disgrace to the clan and was hunted down."

He shrugged his shoulders and let out a bitter laugh.

Mitsuki: "What happened to you after that?"

Drake: "I managed to escape on my own, but when I finally found my father, he already had a new family."

Drake: "I had nowhere to go, so I resorted to committing petty crimes to get by."

When he met Karen, he mentioned doing similar things around that time.

Drake: "One day, I sneaked onto a ship, only to find out it was a pirate ship."

Drake: "Instead of being thrown out, the captain took me in, and the rest, as you can imagine, is a tale of piracy."

Drake: "After I got my own ship, I began receiving missions from the Queen."

His words abruptly cut off in the middle of the conversation.

Mitsuki: "Drake? Sorry. If you don't feel like talking about it..."

Drake: "No, it's not that. I just had trouble recalling things I'd almost forgotten."

Drake: "Well, it just means I've gotten used to betrayal with this kind of upbringing."

He spoke nonchalantly, but deep inside, his heart must've been wounded when his mother told him that he should never have been born.

(That was his first experience of betrayal.)

(But did his mother truly feel that way?)

(She went through so much, even running away, just to give birth to the child of the person she loved.)

I suppressed the questions that arose in my mind.

It would be too optimistic and irresponsible to say that there might have been reasons behind his mother's words based solely on fragments of the story I heard.

Because I can't truly know the truth inside someone's heart.

(But...)

------------Flashback------------

Mitsuki: "I wonder if that girl has a family."

Drake: "Even if she does, having a blood connection doesn't necessarily make them a good family."

Drake: "I don't have a place to miss or a place to return to."

Drake: "I'm fine with being a flying Dutchman."

---------Flashback Ends--------

Drake's somewhat lonely mutterings crossed my mind.

(There is a deep and cold sea in his clear eyes.)

(Even if our ways of thinking are different, even if he says he can't understand...)

(Can I, even just a little, be there for him like he was for me during tough times?)

With these thoughts welling up, something natural slipped out of my lips.

Mitsuki: "Hey, Drake..."

Drake: "Hm?"

Mitsuki: "You might think that people can betray others, but no matter what, I won't betray you."

Drake: ".........."

Mitsuki: "I won't break promises or push you away. I promise."

Mitsuki: "So please try to believe in me."

Under the twinkling stars, I gazed at him sincerely.

He, in turn, stared at me as if trying to expose my heart.

Drake: "Mitsuki."

Drake: "Even if I were a villain trying to deceive you, would you still not betray me?"

(Villain?)

I couldn't imagine him deceiving me like that, but...

Mitsuki: "I won't betray you. I don't want to betray you."

(Having someone trustworthy will surely be a support.)

(I want him to have that kind of support, even though he has lived through betrayal.)

As I waited for his next words, only the sound of the rippling water filled our surroundings.

Then...

Drake: "Ha...ha...ahahaha!"

Mitsuki: "Drake?"

For some reason, he burst out laughing.

Drake: "No, sorry. Different people asked me to believe in them, but they all had excuses or were begging for their lives."

Drake: "You're the first one to ask me to believe without any benefit for yourself."

After laughing for a while, Drake gently placed his hand on my head.

Drake: "Well, if you put it that way, I'll try believing in you."

Drake: "You won't betray me, and I'll believe in you. It's our promise."

Drake: "Like a pirate's code."

Mitsuki: "Okay! I promise."

A special connection formed between us, and a smile naturally spread across our faces.

Later, when we returned to the mansion, I visited his room before going to sleep.

Drake: "What's up, lil' fawn?"

Mitsuki: "I wanted to give you something as a thank-you."

Mitsuki: "Will you accept this?"

What I handed him was:

Drake: "A shell bottle?"

It was a small empty bottle I got from the kitchen, filled with sand and seashells I found in a miscellaneous store. Looking through the bluish glass, it resembled the ocean.

Mitsuki: "You love the sea, right? Paris doesn't have one, so I made this so you can feel the ocean as much as possible."

Drake: "Heh. It's beautiful."

Mitsuki: "The sand inside is called star sand and sun sand. They say having it grants wishes."

Even if I don't know why he came back to life, I secretly hope that his wishes will be fulfilled.

Drake: "A sea in the palm of my hand. Nice."

Drake: "I'll treasure it. Thanks, Mitsuki."

(I'm glad he liked it.)

In response to Drake's smile, I nodded with a content heart.

Alone in his room, Drake threw himself onto the bed, playing with the shell bottle Mitsuki gave him in his hands.

With every tilt, the sand and seashells swayed inside, creating a sound akin to the rustle of gentle waves.

Drake: "Give believing a shot, huh?"

Drake: "Those words suit me the least."

Was Drake's sarcastic smile directed at Mitsuki or himself?

Outside the window, a crescent moon was floating, just one step away from being a full moon.

Previous Part╎Masterlist╎Side Story 2

[gageblackwood]

A Rough Transcript of James Somerton's new video

For those who don't want to watch it, I grabbed the auto-transcript of the video, and then honestly spent way to long cleaning it up. There are a few editor notes that are just attempts at clarity, and punctuation and line breaks added as best I could guess them. Here it is:

"uh just a disclosure this video is monetized but revenue from it will be sent along to H bomber guy's team to be dispersed to the people whose work I plagarized.

uh if his team won't accept it I'll be making monthly donations to Wikipedia and trans Lifeline going forward.

uh you may have also noticed that a few of my past videos have gone up on the channel again and revenue from those as well will also be sent, along with the revenue from this video.

over the last couple of months I've been getting in touch with the people who I plagiarized to apologize one-on-one instead of a mass apology.

it's a bit difficult because many of them don't have public email addresses so I'm still working on it but it is a top priority of mine.

I've heard back from a few of them and they were actually incredibly nice, um accepting my apology and just imploring me to do better in the future, so I want to thank them publicly for that.

there's plenty that I haven't heard back from and I completely understand that in many cases.

uh I wouldn't want to talk to me either.

I also want to apologize to my audience.

though you trusted me to be a good representative of the queer community and I was not that, I tried to be, I tried to be a voice for every member of the queer Community but that was a failed Endeavor before it even started.

I'm a CIS white gay man no matter how much I try to be a good spokesperson I can never really truly understand the life experiences of other far more put upon members of the queer Community.

this is one of the reasons that I would use the their own words but I should have made it very clear that that's what I was doing.

I never, ever thought that I was the only voice out there as some have said but being a CIS white man I thought I might be able to win over some people who wouldn't otherwise listen unless it was someone who looks and sounds just like them, and so I tried speaking for everyone and this was a horrible mistake.

what I thought was being inclusive ended up leading to a lot of people feeling left out and even offended.

this fell upon Nick as well as a non-binary person on the ace spectrum.

they wanted to include asexuality and non-binary representation in our videos but because Nick's experience is not Universal, there is no Universal experience, people felt that we were dealing legitimizing (editor: likely de-legitimizing) their own experiences because we focused on Nicks.

and I apologize for that and I'm sure that Nick does as well.

um I'd also like to extend a personal apology to Jesse Earl, better known as Jesse gender.

out of everyone that I spoke to who was also a YouTuber Jesse was by far the kindest person.

I think Jesse might be one of the kindest people I've ever met or ever encountered.

we never actually met in person because of my hot headedness.

I drew her into just this anger spiral of mine that was unwarranted and absolutely ruined a possible friendship.

Jesse was actually doing her best to kind of mitigate my frustration and and everything and and

uh at that moment and I just wasn't allowing her to do that and I really truly honestly want to apologize to her for that again.

if if you ever get the chance to speak with Jesse one-on-one or if you have gotten the chance you'll know just how nice she is and how kind and I was a a real, for uh dragging her into my reactionary unwarranted frustration.

we, obviously, we haven't spoke since all of that happened um but Jesse if you are watching this video um I do want you to know that I am honestly sorry for that.

I hope truly, honestly I hope everything goes as well as possible for you because you deserve all of it.

there was a misunderstanding between Jesse and I.

um after that happened, that I do want to clear up where someone who at least claimed to be a fan of Jesse's, you know did an internet and threatened to kill me.

which is, you know, being a person on the internet death threats are unfortunately not uncommon.

at the time though, uh I was in a very panicked State, and so I did report it to the police.

I did not report Jesse to the police which is the misunderstanding that people um came away with.

I did not report Jesse to the police.

I would have no reason to do that, and it did end up that this person had a prior record with the police um of violent acts and they actually lived quite near me, um so the police took it very seriously.

they took it so seriously that they implored me not to speak to, to Jesse.

which I took their advice on which I shouldn't have honestly I should have at least clarified to Jesse what was going on and not just left her hanging.

and so I want to again apologize to Jesse for that but in that state I listen to the police.

which is, you know, maybe not the best decision all the time because the cops don't usually have the best interests of people at heart.

so Jesse I want to apologize for that and everything else that happened.

completely understand why you would not want to speak to me ever again but I just want you to know that I am sorry.

but now back on the original topic.

the work Nick and I were doing on the channel.

we wanted it to be you know for everyone.

we wanted it to be a channel where every queer person could feel welcomed and we failed at that.

that is something that in hindsight I think is impossible to create and that's why it's important for there to be many different queer voices in spaces like YouTube.

and there are, what's more important is that those voices are discoverable which is something that I should have been helping with.

I often shared other queer creators on Twitter but this was when I only had you know 800 a th000 (editor: a thousand?) Twitter followers and these creators usually had a whole lot more than that.

it was a weird thing because usually they would have infinitely more Twitter followers but a whole lot less YouTube subscribers.

I'm not sure what created that dichotomy but something was definitely off with the algorithm there.

there is a part of my brain that says YouTube kind of went oh you know white male queer let's push him and you know ignore everyone else in the community.

whereas people were able to actually discover uh other queer creators on Twitter and then make their way to YouTube, but the YouTube algorithm, kind of, that's the most negative interpretation I have of it.

which unfortunately may be true.

uh in any case I should have done more to share the voices of other queer people, certainly the people whose works I used both credited and plagiarized in my videos, but also just other creators on YouTube.

it's important for us as a community as vaguely defined as we are to support each other and I didn't do that nearly enough from day one.

I was very taken in by the idea of being a YouTuber.

as soon as my videos started to get recommended by the algorithm, after not releasing a new video for like two years I felt like I had a short period of time to get the next videos out as soon as possible.

which is why so little work was put into the writing of them and so much was taken from other places, plagiarized early on.

I thought crediting authors in the opening credits alone was enough, especially since the videos weren't monetized early on, but I understand now especially after speaking with some of the people who were, who I did plagiarize that that was just, I was wrong.

that was not the way to go about it, they should have been cited properly within the text of the video video, they should have been called out in the video at least once verbally as well as you know having citations on screen.

if there were a whole lot of them, like with you know one of the examples that H bomber guy used in his video was the Deep Cuts video there were a whole lot of people who I, you know, credited in the opening credits but really it's plagiarism, they should have been cited on screen with actual citations of, you know, links where you can find this stuff.

maybe there should have even been a bibliography that you could have gone to like on a Google drive or something like that.

because you know although I might have stated that the scripts were based upon the work of these authors it in many cases wasn't just based on their work it was their work word for word.

in some cases I did get permission like with the Evil Queen's Disney video.

I'll put the email up on the screen that I got from Sean Griffin, um where he did give me permission to publish the video.

I sent the finished video to him and he watched it and he gave me permission, but in most cases I didn't get permission and thought that just putting the author's name in the opening credits was enough.

I was much more interested in the production of the videos than the writing of them at this point so after three or four videos I brought Nick on as a main writer for the channel.

the idea is that they would write the vast majority of the scripts.

I would film, voice and edit the videos and we'd split the money that came in.

we were roommates at the time and Nick didn't have a job, so I figured it would help both of us.

this is actually when we had some of our biggest videos, uh like the ones talking about Wiccan and hulkling, where we lucked out because it came out right in time for Wan division (Editor: Wandavision?) to hit and then the killing stalking video which became our biggest video by far.

uh the sadism of class was another one.

these videos weren't plagiarized and we loved making them.

uh it didn't take long for the channel income to start growing.

lucky timing really because this was around the same time that I was laid off since the company that I was working for, downsized once Co hit its second year.

Nick and I had both grown up poor, so we started doing what we could to try and stabilize our income as much as possible.

this meant putting out more videos which meant I had to take over more of the writing duties, but since filming, editing, usually doing multiple edits because of YouTube copyright issues, as well as managing the channel and dealing with my mom's recent cancer diagnosis, all of that was already taking up so much of my time and attention.

this led to a lot of copy and pasting blocks of text into scripts.

my intention at the time was to use these as a jumping off point once Nick and I sat down to edit the script, because that's what we would do.

I would sort of put in my parts, Nick would put in his parts and then we would sit down at a table read through the whole script and kind of try and make it seem cohesive.

but, and here's something I'm sure a lot of people will call a excuse, I have memory issues because of a head injury from when I was a child.

uh they're actually getting worse.

I've talked about it on streams and in videos, so yes it is real, but some people will call it a excuse.

Anyway the head injury is actually what led to me having epilepsy, which is why I can't work in any job that involves physical labor.

employers can't get insurance for me to, like lift things or operate vehicles and stuff like that.

I actually did marketing for a restaurant group for a little while but got let go when they found out that I was epileptic because, at least according to them, I couldn't be insured to be in the kitchens where I needed to be to film videos and take photos and stuff like that.

but anyway, when it came to editing the scripts I couldn't remember what I'd written and what had been copy pasted.

we should have just chucked out everything that I had put into the script and filled them in with wholly original thoughts or I should have been taking notes on where things came from so that we could at least site them in the video if nothing else, but I never did that.

according to my therapist, my not thinking to do that probably stems from my recently diagnosed ADHD, but I don't know if I'm willing to say that really.

maybe it was or maybe it was just plain laziness.

maybe I thought that this was somewhere that I could cut a corner because I was torn in so many other directions.

honestly I can't remember, like I said memory issues.

but yes we should have just thrown out my contributions to the scripts and filled them in with original writing but we felt like we had too much of a time crunch.

we felt like we had to get videos out more often to feed the algorithm, and then my mom died and I became completely useless.

I couldn't think straight at all so Nick had to completely take over writing duties while I dealt with things you deal with after a person dies.

my dad you see he can't read or write uh he was very po poor when he was a kid so he had to leave school really young to work in order to feed his many brothers and sisters.

so I had to deal with all the legal stuff after my mom died as well as making sure that all my dad's bills were paid and whatnot, especially after his income was basically cut in half.

there was supposed to be a buffer here Money Wise as my mom had a life insurance policy that was going to be split between my dad and myself, but the insurance company, RBC Insurance so if you have insurance with them maybe rethink that, uh refuse to pay out the policy because my mother never mentioned that she had family with diabetes.

she didn't have diabetes but because she didn't think to mention that she had family with diabetes it apparently voided the policy.

all they did was refund a Year's worth of premiums that she'd paid even though she'd been paying them for about 15 years.

one of the things, the main thing really that I was supposed to do with my portion of the insurance money was, I was supposed to make a movie.

these were direct instructions from my mom herself.

she'd been very much behind me when I decided, when I was about 10, that I wanted to be a filmmaker and she wanted me to finally have the opportunity to do that even if she never got to see it.

so when the life insurance went bust I decided to try and crowdfund it.

at least enough to make a short film or two this is what teos (Editor: Telos) grew out of.

so what happened with Telos, let me break down the timeline.

when we launched the campaign in February of 2022 we hoped to raise $3,000 to produce a short film that we hoped that we would then use as a sort of proof of concept to attract investors, either private public or through Canada's telefilm program, to produce a feature.

some people online have stated that $3,000 never would have covered the cost of a short film but these were not going to be unionized movies and we were very clear about that upfront.

we wanted to be able to pay actors as best that we could but we never expected to be able to reach typical union wages.

the crew was going to be made up of people that I had gone to film school with.

everyone, including Nick and myself we were roommates at the time, living on the East Coast were more than happy to work behind the scenes for free.

we planned on writing a movie with a small cast and only one or two locations, ideally ones that we could get access to for free.

again we assumed all the money would go to the actors.

uh we kind of looked at this is a sort of Community Theater troop but for film making.

after the campaign launched it did infinitely better than we could have expected and our Ambitions grew.

we started planning to make a feature instead of a short film and the plan was to take this around to, uh film festivals.

the feature we settled on, entitled final girl, was about the Lone Survivor of a slasher movie type Massacre 10 years after the fact, as she was publishing a book about her ordeal, drawing attention from people online convinced that she had actually been the killer all along.

in the end we would find out that the killer was the boyfriend of the girl who the main character had secretly been dating at the time of the killings and most of the people he killed were, in his eyes, collateral damage as he made his way to our main character, because he was not happy that his girlfriend was cheating on him with a girl.

and to those who say that I plagiarized the plot from the novel Final Girl Support Group by Grady hris (Editor: Hendrix), read the book.

it's nothing like the plot of the movie and the final girl is a Trope in horror movies, so if using the Final Girl trope is plagiarism then basically everyone who's made a slasher movie since Texas Chainsaw Massacre owes the Toby Hooper Estates some money.

but anyway Nick and I planned out the movie, but I didn't want to start writing it until the campaign ended and the money was actually deposited.

uh after the insurance debacle I didn't want to count our chickens before they hatched.

when the money was officially deposited I immediately began work on the screenplay.

I finished it that summer.

soon after Nick had left to spend two months at home in Ottawa, Ontario with family.

I sent the script to him to read right away because I was proud very proud of it but Nick didn't want to share his opinion on it until he got back to the east coast so in the meantime I put out a preliminary casting call on local job boards.

when Nick got back, uh he believed that the script needed a page one rework.

this is also when he told me that he'd be moving back to Ontario permanently soon, as he wanted to live closer to family and live in a bigger city with more opportunities.

this was a punch to the gut for me.

we' been living together since 2015 and had become quite dependent on each other.

I felt like there was no way that I could make this movie without him and since I had received not that many replies to the initial casting call I took this as a sign that Ontario would be a better place to launch Telos, even though all my professional professional film connections were on the East Coast.

that was a mistake.

there I had free access to the campground that would serve as the setting for a good portion of the movie, as well as easy access to any number of houses, apartments and even offices that friends of friends would let me use to shoot.

in Ontario I had none of that, which immediately put the breaks on Final Girl since there was no conceivable way of filming in it, at least not within the budget that we had.

after Nick and I moved to the Toronto area he decided that he actually wanted to move home to Ottawa, uh to the Ottawa area about 5 hours away, at least for a little while.

in the meantime he would take a train to the GTA the crater (Editor: greater) Toronto area once a month, uh to work on YouTube videos for a few days and then head back.

this went on for a little less than a year so I began brainstorming new movies that we could film in Ontario.

this is where the multiple posters and teaser trailers came from.

I was trying to create something tangible to show that work was still being done with Telos.

I wrote multiple treatments for movies over the next few months and Nick and I eventually landed on one, called antisocial: a murder mystery, about a former social media click (Editor: clique) who had gone their separate ways on very bad terms and they were coming together for a reunion at a sort of VidCon event.

um they were all sharing a house and then some of them were going to start showing up dead.

around the same time, summer of 2023, uh Nick had moved to the GTA full-time.

uh he and I spent weeks working out exactly how the murder mystery would parse out in the movie.

we had a bunch of whiteboards up on my wall and we were just breaking it down piece by piece.

uh I'd put out a new casting call in the GTA and received hundreds of responses so I was planning on casting as soon as the script was finished but after trying to work out the numbers as far as paying actors went, Plus locations, food, costumes, as well as the equipment that we'd already purchased and the legal costs of setting up Telos as a business, we realized that we'd gone way too big with this movie.

uh the movie had too many characters and too many locations and it was just way too complex to be able to pull off with the budget.

so I started working on a script for a movie called The Listener, about a true crime podcaster focused on the mysterious deaths of homeless gay men in his City.

I was a fair way into the script when we realized it' be about a year before we could even film anything since winter was on its way and the story relied heavily on a summer setting.

so we went back to the drawing board yet again, finally settling on a modern-day adaptation of The Vampire based on the book by John Palador (Editor: capitals added, also it's Polidori).

uh it's one of the original works of published vampire fiction.

it's never received a proper film adaptation and was in public domain so we thought it would be a great choice and the cast could be kept down to basically five characters, with only two of them being on screen most of the time.

Nick and I both wrote treatments for it which we plan on, planned on melding together into a final treatment M that we would write the script based off of.

we'd had a meeting about it and we were talking about how best to move forward, how fast we could get the script written, how long it would take to cast, how soon we could start shooting.

we knew that it had been a while since the initial funding of Telos came in and we wanted to get something concrete out as soon as possible.

after the meeting we went to dinner and while at dinner I started getting messages about the H bomber Guy video.

we were in over our heads once we left the East Coast but the intention was never ever to Take the Money and Run.

I was so insanely excited about getting to make Telos a reality.

I was excited about getting to make a short film, let alone a feature.

it's always been my dream to make movies so Telos meant and means the world to me.

for Nick it was a very exciting project but not his passion.

Nick wanted to write novels, he still does.

Nick looked at this as a good creative outlet that was way more fulfilling than writing video essays.

I should have stayed where I was and not gone to Ontario.

the move uprooted everything that was solid about Telos and it took a whole year to get it back onto even anything close to stable footing, but I am working with the producer now so you can expect an actual product from Telos this year.

it will likely be a short film to start off but there is going to be something coming out of Telos this year.

I know I've lost your trust but I will make nothing financially from this project.

the money that is there will go wholly to paying queer artists to work on a queer film.

I am not nor have I ever intended to be one of the people paid by Telos, neither was Nick.

we made this very clear to everyone who asked.

during our work on tellos (Editor: Telos) is also when the YouTube channel started getting sponsors which as I said as someone who grew up poor I basically accepted all of them except for a few that I didn't think lined up with the message of the channel or had some bad news surrounding them.

there were a couple that had some anti-tr (Editor: anti-trans?) stuff going on in the news and I just didn't want to associate with that.

but by accepting as many sponsors as we did, which became very important when Nick and I started living apart, and suddenly had two rents to pay we ended up needing to produce even more videos, which along with the work on toos (Editor: Telos?) and making sure everything was okay with my dad while living thousands of kilometers away, meant I had even less time for writing, putting more stress on Nick and leading to even more copy pasting from me.

that's what led to us putting out, I think, six videos in one month at one point.

it might have been five, but in any case it was way too damn many videos to go out in one month.

we tried to take the summer off from YouTube in 2023 to work on Telos exclusively but even that went up in smoke because my housing situation.

just, I won't go into it here, I've talked about it at nauseum (Editor: ad nauseam) on streams and stuff.

if you followed me on social media you know the cluster I ended up in that led to me moving twice in two months.

in the last couple of months I've received a lot of emails, as you can imagine, uh many from people who were rightfully let down.

some from people threatening everything from doxing to violence Because the Internet, some with the kindest words of support I've ever heard and others simply asking why I made it so difficult to contact me and if I was okay.

they wanted to know why, as they put it, I nuked my social media presence.

(Editor: Warning for talk of suicide)

to be frank it's because I didn't want to exist anymore.

if you watched my honestly horrendous apology video Back In December you know I tried to make that happen, the not existing thing, but it was more intense than taking too many pills.

it's not that I didn't want to be alive anymore it's that I wished I'd never existed at all, that everyone I'd ever known would be better off had I just never been there, very George Bailey which is fitting given that it was Christmas time.

it's only thanks to some very very dedicated doctors and nurses and one very good friend that I'm even here able to film this right now.

I'm not going to name her because I don't want to expose anyone else to the small but seriously unstable group of people who watched the plagiarism and YouTube video and thought, well he should be dead.

like I said it's a it was a very small group but when they find out your address and some of them are actually in your city they can be terrifying, and they did find my address and at least a couple of them showed up while I was at the hospital.

um my neighbors did report them to the police, uh and I I won't go into any more details than that.

I'm not sure if I legally even can but there's a reason I left Ontario within a week of getting the okay to do so from the doctors.

so what's next then?

like I said you'll notice that a few of my videos are live again on the channel, these ones don't come from plagiarize content and for the most part are written entirely by Nick.

Nick lost three years worth of work when everything on the channel was taken down and that's simply not fair to Nick.

he worked hard writing those videos and deserves to have something to point to when he's looking for new writing work.

I've also done some heavy editing on other videos that did contain other people's writing, um breaking it down to only original content, again so that Nick has an actual portfolio of work.

as mentioned at the beginning of the video revenue from these will be going to the H bomber guy team, to be sent out to the writers I play R (Editor: plagiarized) from or donated to charity, however it works out in the end.

these edited videos will be going back up on the channel in the next few days I think, um along with two completed video essays that we didn't actually get to release before everything happened.

there's also some recent videos that didn't have any plagiarism that the sponsor asked to be taken down and their ads removed, um so they'll also be going back up without the sponsors obviously and soon I will be releasing a new video written entirely by me properly cited with all sources credited.

maybe no one will watch it but I hope you do.

I want to prove that I have the ability to do this without abusing other people's work.

it's a very different kind of video than I used to make though, I'd say it's more of a documentary than a video essay.

you won't find my opinions anywhere in there just cited facts.

I'd like to keep making videos like these new ones about people and events in gay history and definitive gay movies that you maybe never heard of, stuff like that.

it's actually something that I planned on doing this year anyway.

there would be two videos a month, Nick would write a video essay and I would write one of these documentary style videos that would fulfill the two videos per month sponsorship deal that we had at the time.

I have no sponsors now so probably not going to be two videos a month, it'll probably just be the one which will give more time for research and citation and crediting and making sure that there is no misinformation in the videos, uh which I know, I know that misinformation made its way into, uh our past videos that was not something that we intended.

in some cases it was information that I was told by people that I considered experts, um in other cases it was information that we had researched, uh in other cases it was things that Nick had learned in University, the point being it was never malicious.

we didn't, we weren't trying to lie about things despite what a lot of people think.

we were not trying to spread misinformation that was not ever Our intention and that's something else that I want to apologize for.

as for my patreon everyone can stop worrying about me relaunching it right in time for a billing cycle, that will not be happening.

I don't want anyone who either doesn't know about the plagiarism or simply forgot to unsub subscribe to get build (Editor: billed) so I'm going to start from zero.

I have put together a new patreon account so if you want to support my documentaries about gay history, fantastic, honestly your faith in me after everything means the world to me.

if not I completely understand.

like I said I've lost your trust.

I'm going to work my ass off to earn it back though and I know for some of you I'll never be able to do that but I'm going to try anyway.

you know there's a link in the description to the patreon if you want to join it, where you'll be able to see the to yet to be released videos right now, as well as, you know, take part in other stuff that will be on there like a book club podcasts, uh voting on upcoming videos, all the usual patreon stuff.

but this video is not about promoting myself this video is about me apologizing and I am incredibly sorry.

it was never my intention for anyone to feel hurt or left out or excluded, it was never my intention to spread misinformation and I'm really really sorry that that happened and you know as as much as I've tried to explain myself in this video, you know the memory issues, ADHD, um the personal things that were going on in my life with my mom getting sick and then dying and trying to make sure that my dad was okay following that and everything, those aren't excuses.

there is no excuse for what I did.

there are lots of people who make videos on YouTube, there are lots of people who make podcasts, TV shows, movies, documentaries who have going on in their lives that's very stressful and they don't plagiarize people's work.

there is no excuse for what I did.

for everything that happened, whether it be with my mom or the memory issues, there was something I could have done to mitigate that.

there's nothing I could have done about my mom getting cancer but knowing my patrons as I did, in hindsight I'm pretty damn sure that if I had said, guys I need to step away for a couple of months to deal with this, I don't think a whole lot of people would have fled the patreon.

a part of me thought they would at the time because I catastrophy (Editor: catastrophize?), I, but I really don't think that would have happened.

even in the very beginning when I was like, oh I got to get as many videos out as possible, if I had said to those people who subscribe to the channel early on, you know for the next video I want to make sure that it's fully correct and I want to make sure that you know it's as high quality as it can possibly be, I, I don't think anyone would have, you know unsubscribed or not watched the next video because it didn't come out a couple of weeks after the algorithm decided that I was important.

for some reason I convinced myself of these things but I don't think, in hindsight, looking at it I don't think any of that would have happened and so there is no excuse for the misinformation and there is certainly no excuse for the plagiarism.

I up bad I stole people's words and thoughts and opinions, that they worked incredibly hard writing and Publishing and finding someone to publish their thoughts and opinions and research, hard research that they had done and, you know, in some cases, I put them their names in the opening credits which I thought was fine, but like I said I've spoken with some of these people now and I understand why that was not okay.

because putting someone's name in the opening credits, you know, okay here's a list of people, here's, you know, seven or eight people who are, even if it was you know everyone, even if it wasn't, you know, taking giant chunks of their work, paragraphs at a time, even if it was just a sentence here or there, putting their name in the opening credits doesn't tell anyone where their work is in the video.

nobody can say, oh I really like that opinion, or wow that's a really, you know, smart observation, I want to read more from this person, and then, you know, to find something you found interesting you have to go play detective and so yes, just putting their name in the opening credits was wrong.

I thought it was cool and you know cinematic, but it was wrong.

citations should have been done properly, there should never have been just chunks of text being put into videos.

there were times like with, uh the queer history of Hollywood videos, that I released this past spring they were based directly on the Celluloid closet by veto (Editor: Vito) Russo, the book not the documentary.

I expanded on it quite a bit but it was based directly on veto's (Editor: Vito's) work and I credited him in the opening credits and I thought it was okay to just do that, because the book was out of print and veto had passed away unfortunately from HIV complications, due to HIV and AIDS and I looked at it more as extend in his legacy, making sure that people knew about the work that he did but I don't think I ever mentioned his name in those videos.

he was crit (Editor: credited?), like I said his name's in the opening credits but I don't think I ever verbally mentioned his name, someone who I have so much respect for who, kind of an idol of mine and I never mentioned his name.

it wasn't because I didn't respect him or anything like that and it also wasn't because I wanted people to think that this was all me again, if, if that was the case I wouldn't have put his name in the in the credits.

I never wanted people to think that this was all me, so that's actually one of the videos I want to make.

I want to make a documentary style video talking about vetto (Editor: Vito) Russo and his life and everything that he accomplished, because he didn't just write the Celluloid closet, he did a lot more than that.

he's someone that people should know about.

obviously people can research him, uh there's books about him but I know, you know, it's easier to sit down and watch a 20 or 30 minute YouTube video than it is to read a book.

I'd like to make a video about VTO (Editor: Vito) Russo, properly cited and not just, you know, copy pasted from a book.

I want to do the work, I want to prove, not just to you, but to myself that I can do the work and that's why I've started making these documentaries.

working on these I can't, I can't really put into words how sorry I am.

I've tried, I've tried writing like a blog entry to say that I was sorry for about two months now and I just can't.

I can't get across how sorry I am and I know actions speak way louder than words and I hope with my actions that I can show you that I am sorry.

I'm sorry to everyone I play Dr (Editor: plagiarized?).

I'm sorry to everyone I've hurt.

I'm sorry to people who feel lied to.

I'm sorry to people who feel like I abused the queer Community, was never my intention.

again I'm sorry to Jesse.

There were actually several other YouTubers who, uh were very nice to me but I feel like with everything that went down Jess, Jesse is the one that I should apologize to the most.

I'm sorry for the people who felt scammed, who thought that Telos was a grift.

it was not it is not I am very sorry and I hope given time and my actions proving it that you can believe me."

--------

I hope my restraint in not adding personal commentary is appreciated, as there were times it took heroic effort. There are several places I deleted comments I typed at first, mainly along the lines of "You sure as fuck shouldn't have, buddy!" virtually whenever he said he shouldn't have done something.

To end on a lighter note, I did almost lose it at the end with the typo VTO Russo. I had just been wading through so much, and suddenly, there was Vertical Takeoff Russo.

[pttucker]

Aaaand we're done! \o/

Well... "done" in one sense of the word since I just did a very quick search and apparently there's like another 140 chapters of side stories and counting. Possibly post-epilogue stuff??? Didn't look too closely since I don't want too many spoilers if I can avoid it. I already saw one vague spoiler relating to 49% Dokja's side story. 😢😢😢

Though at least now with the main novel+epilogues finished all of the mysteries have been wrapped up (as far as I can remember).

I guess I'm still curious about the Library, but even if that's never touched upon in any side story chapters, I think I kinda get it with my theories and how he broke up into many, many different Dokjas and/or was two different Oldest Dreams?

Oh, and the stuff with Dokja & 1863's Sooyoung's blurry faces, I would have liked to have seen that resolved. There were mentions of Dokja slowly getting less blurry that were kinda glossed over but nothing concrete ever popped up for why his face was blurry or if/when it fully stopped being blurry? Unless I just missed some subtle thing?? Like I guess the epilogue did mention that Sooyoung had fun writing in stuff about him being the Ugly King but I don't think she made him ugly, that was just her memories of him?? Either way, poor Dokja. 😭

idk maybe I'm the only one obsessed with things like that. (I literally eventually started a separate section in my ORV Scrivener notes just for all the times Dokja's looks are mentioned in any way.) So maybe it just wasn't deemed important to "resolve"? Or, again, it was but I totally missed it.

Or maybe there's still something about the Library and his looks (and other mysteries I may not be currently remembering) in the additional 140+ chapters out there?

Unfortunately, English translations of Chapters 552+ don't all seem to be in one place, or at least I wasn't able to quickly find them in my first search. I'll keep looking, though. Might just have to cobble together the chapters one by one from various sources. If anyone happens to know where I could possibly find them...

Though I'm honestly not certain if I want to immediately jump into them or if I want to give it a moment to breathe. I actually am a little bit disappointed that I jumped right into the 40+ chapter epilogues right after finishing the main story since I feel like it stole some of the impact from him finding his two separate ■■.

Even if I was really happy to see how they continued living on in the system-less world and how Dokja felt after losing all of his companions to be Oldest Dream. Seriously you never get to see those sort of things after the "happy" ending.

And I did love seeing how it all tied back together with Sooyoung being the author and ORV itself being Dokja's story (which Sooyoung also wrote!) which in turn is our story and getting to see Secretive Plotter and the 999ths again and poor Joonghyuk just not knowing what to do with himself after losing his purpose as a protagonist and him and Sooyoung wanting to save their precious Dokja more than anything and both of them coming to understand Dokja better and so on and so forth.

But if nothing else, I do really want to finally read some fanfiction and otherwise engage with fandom now that the big mysteries are solved. And if I can make one final prediction it's going to be that the top fanfic is some kind of modern, no powers gamer AU or something. Because that's just how these fandoms seem to go. 😂

Anyway, I think it should be obvious from my many, many ORV posts but I really enjoyed the novel! I am very happy that so many things were so well foreshadowed, so much was so carefully planned, so many loose ends were tied up in a very satisfying manner, etc. It's very impressive for such a long, looooong story. I mean, just the fact that you could get inklings that something was up with Secretive Plotter before we even hit Chapter 100 yet not have the reveal come until much later is impressive just on its own.

I guess if I had one complaint it'd be that I didn't quite vibe with the whole "multiple walls to open the Final Wall" thing. Like, I totally was into the idea of Dokja's Fourth Wall being the largest fragment, and I actually thought that Jang Hayoung's wall was pretty clever since it's all about commenting/texting others when Jan Hayoung was created due to Dokja's comments.

But I'm not quite so into the Wall of Samsara and Wall That Divides Good and Evil. Like, I do get how they relate to the story, what with Dokja literally reincarnating into multiple worlds himself and the fact that a lot of Dokja's main theme was that he didn't nicely fit into a box of good or evil. I mean, his literal Modifiers are Demon King of Salvation and Watcher of Light and Darkness. Not to mention, Dokja went through a ton of the novel saying that just because they were evil in one turn doesn't mean they're evil in the next and vice versa, as well as the fact that the had companions on both sides of the spectrum.

So I'm not saying that they just came out of nowhere, but personally I find something to be a little off with them when compared to the other two walls? idk these are just my initial thoughts and I might feel completely different once I re-read the novel and can better appreciate things.

Which, speaking of, I'm debating with myself if I want to do the truly ridiculous thing and start this entire novel over right from the beginning in true Dokja fashion or if I want to be good and maybe give some other universe some love. I was looking at The World After The Fall but...uh...

Not to say that things with tiny fandoms aren't also good!!!

But it does make me kinda side-eye it a little and wonder if I shouldn't just read Solo Leveling...

...or read whatever side stories I can find, aaaaaalllllll the fanfic, and then read ORV all over again. 😂

We'll see.

FYI when I do start reacting to the side stories I think I'll use the tag "orv side story" if anyone wants to block it preemptively to avoid spoilers.