#but it helped me understand myself so much when i was younger and identifying characters who share a lot of my personality types

[paranormaljones]

I KNEW IT AND NOW I'M CRYING

[raveszonee]

Raveszonee Roleplay

W e l c o m e🕸️ - Feel free to ask questions if you want, read as much information as you want as well and read the rules very carefully.

L o c a t e💬 - I usually roleplay on discord, I’m more active than I am on tumblr and threads. My discord is, (( toji.fushiguuro ))

M D N I🚫 - I don’t want minors here because as an adult, I am not comfortable with roleplaying with anyone younger. I also write smut and thus does not make me comfortable enough to write with anyone under the age of 18. If you’re under 18, please leave.

S M U T🔞 - When writing smut, do not be shy to vocalize what you wish to see during a smut scene and what you don’t want to see. As smut should be comfortable for everyone, kinks you aren’t comfortable with should be listed so I can avoid them from happening.

ROLEPLAY LIST HERE!

Rules - OF - The Blog

No Racism - This is common sense but some people find this okay. This does not stand right or okay with me in the slightest. I have seen so much hate to oc's and writers, mainly the black oc's and writers. Black oc's and writers are welcomed to this blog, completely. As well as everyone else. Everyone is welcomed, keep it that way or get blocked and called out.

No Homophobia/Transphobia - Many oc's and the writers are welcomed here regardless of sexuality and how they identify themselves or their oc's. I have shipped with many oc's. And I am not uncomfortable with it at all. This is a safe space to truly be who you are. You also do not have to give up your identity to me as a writer, I have no desire to dig into your life, as it's fine to be cautious about who you tell.

Triggers - Respecting triggers is a must, I do not want limits passed and uncomfortable aura falling into our talks outside of character and in character. Please vocalize your triggers, this helps me prevent certain events that may trigger you or myself. Triggers are important and everyone should consider them. I do not want to trigger anyone.

No debates - This is something that happens in spaces that aren't open for it. I'm not open for debates. I do not mind you having your opinion, but no political debate is worth losing fun. I want to roleplay to help other people have fun, I really don't like war zones, as everyone has their own opinion and the chances of everyone seeing eye to eye, is slim.

Religions - I don't mind everyone having a religion, it's completely fine, be mindful of someone that might have a Religion they live by. This is something worth considering, and be mindful of some oc's who possibly have strict lifestyles to live by as well as writer. And, don't be afraid to educate me on your Religion if you feel I'm overstepping it or not understanding it. I would love to learn more.

Have fun - Roleplay is meant for entertainment, having fun is something I want you to do. Be open with your ideas and never be afraid to send them to me, or ask me how I feel about them. We can always plot together, have fun!

Educating is okay!

This has to be said! Do not be afraid to educate me or anyone else if you feel no one is understanding your oc. I have shipped with oc's who are blind, deaf, autistic, depressed, etc. They sometimes even have adhd, sensory processing disorder, ptsd, etc.

This stuff is not forbidden to educate one on, if you have an oc you feel you can't use due to this being a lack of education for some writers. Do not be afraid to text me information regarding this. This will help me fully understand your oc and so I can work with writing and shipping with them without making them or you uncomfortable.

Thanks for stopping by my blog! You can roleplay with me through my discord! I am mainly active there but do not be afraid to text me here if you have questions! I hope you enjoy!

[yousta]

(Sigh) I know I don't normally make posts that express my raw thoughts but I'd really like to start talking more personal. So this is my first attempt.

I'd like to say hello to members of the obsessive love, IRL yandere/lovesick community. I'm like hyper-fixated on you guys as I feel like I can empathize with so many, which was a unique experience for me.

If you've posted in the last couple months chances are I've probably went through your account. That's how I met my girlfriend, I know you're reading, Hiii honey bunny I love you so much.

Sure I have my own defined idea of the concept and what I like about it like everyone else does I'm sure. I'm sometimes selective with what I'll interact with. Which is part of what I wanted to talk to you about today. What I personally see, the good the bad the ugly, just the whole thing.

I'll start with the potential...

In my life, I isolated myself for many years because I couldn't find anyone who wanted to pay attention to me long enough to understand me, let alone care enough to actually love me. Which I more or less assumed was a trend of people identifying as lovesick, no one will know what you need better than yourself after all.

Obsessive love is making a point of love being a major focus in your life. Which is great you would think, until the rest of the world sees you as just another fish in the sea. They wouldn't recognize you for it as anything real, because not many people value upfront love. Everyone excepts liars and cheaters because that's all people seem to do without intention.

The act of being needy isn't attractive, it's why not everyone's giving money to a homeless person you have no connection to. Well I wanted to take a moment and say this is not that for me.

I read you guys everyday, I'm convinced a lot of you are seemingly inherently obsessive about a lot of the things you do, because given the platform you communicate yourself so coherently, so open and in touch with what you know you need. To the point when I first started reading people here. I was confused, feeling like I knew them even though it was parasocial.

Well that's because I relate to your struggle better than my own irl friends in those ways. I just wanted to say you're my favorite fish. I know I could never give you that love you desire as I'm taken, but I really want to extend the offer of friendship to each and every one of you, because I want to create a place for you to be recognized for all the love you've given. It may be platonic but I love you as the light of this world.

Of course nothing is all sunshine and rainbows.

There's people who'd intentionally ignore the warning signs or have such low self awareness, they won't or can't see what they're representing certainly has the potential to be or become toxic. Whether if it's for yourself or others.

Possessing but recognizing violent thoughts as intrusive is one thing, but identifying yourself by having those thoughts. I can't help but to acknowledge how you're building yourself up, creating momentum in a direction I don't think you or anyone truly wants. My question to you is why?

Hopefully you're just being very far removed from your words and the reality of you're saying, hopefully you're too deep into some strange character or persona you've invented and can separate yourself from it. Yet it seems to me that this is not always the case... Some members of the community are really struggling.

I mean I understand, people I knew growing up didn't have any real defined idea about love or stepped with any firm intention. So I understand why something like you see in these yan tropes could be appealing.

I grew up in a city where everyone is really cold to one another. Honestly I've lived here all my life and never felt like I truly know or trust anyone. Which when I was younger lead to a lot of moments I lacked insight I needed, to get my desired out come. I don't think you're barking up the wrong tree entirely however.

Which is why with this post and in future ones. I really want to help you guys with some general advice to set your intention, get your perspective and mindset right for loving in this style. I think I'd be a good person to ask, as I'm currently very sucuessful and happy in my current relationship. If any of you ever need to talk more personally though, my DMs are open for anyone who needs to vent.  

[imaginarylungfish]

MHA leaks are coming out in a few minutes. Do I really care about the leaks or do I more so care about what MHA meant to me? It's the last chapter. The last time I'll be reading the manga chapter on Sunday. I know I didn't read the manga until like a year ago, but it still left a profound impact on me. This story of a quirkless boy who persisted amongst all else. A story about redemption, not letting your trauma define you. This silly little manga that fueled my passionate love of shipping. Deku, you will be missed. But your spirit will live on through me. You are my younger self. My inner child. Shouto, same with you. And Bakugo, you are someone I didn't understand. But understanding you helped me understand others and myself. These characters mean so much to me. Sure, there are the canon characters that Horikoshi created. And I love them. But my headcanons are who I identify with and who will live on in my head. And they are so precious to me. It's so cool that I get to have my own creations spurred by the creativity of another person halfway around the world who doesn't even speak the same language as me. That's fucking cool.

So, whatever happens tonight, I need not worry. I have my Deku, Shouto, and Bakugo in my head. I have a fic in the works with them. I know them and they know me. And they fuel me to be myself, to push myself to have the life I want. It's a silly little anime/manga, a silly little story. But stories are how I interpret the world. They let me interaction with others in another way. I find comraderie in the themes presented by the author, the mangaka. And that's cool.

The world is less lonely when you know someone else loves the same things as you. So, thank you, Hori, thank you fandom. I will cherish all the memories this manga created for me.

[sevarix-blogs]

It says in your bio you’re trans? Is it ok if you share a little bit of your road to discovering who you are?

oh sure, i don't mind! this might be a little ramble-y but also keep in mind this is just my experience, every trans person has their own experience! some don't experience dysphoria, for example. i did, however, so warning there are discussions of dysphoria.

i didn't actually realize i was trans until i was like 29. i grew up in a conservative household without knowing anything about trans people or lgbtq+ in general. in fact i was kind of transphobic until i was in my mid 20s. (i am ashamed of this, but in my defense i was pretty damn ignorant). i'm also aroace and i didn't understand THAT until i was like 23 but that's a different topic entirely.

there were signs of gender dysphoria when i was younger, now that i think back on it. my mom forced me to try makeup when i was 16 and when i looked at myself in the mirror i had a panic attack and hated how i looked. i realize now this was gender dysphoria.

i also was always obsessed with male characters and wanted to be them. back in the day, i wanted to cosplay roy so bad. i wanted to BE roy fire emblem. (i have red hair too so it kind of fit). when my friends and i made ocs based on ourselves, i always made a male character.

but anyway, i just assumed i was a less conventional woman. i was a woman in STEM too, which made me feel Special and so i accepted that role of being a woman in my professional life.

but then the pandemic changed everything. for the first time, i could work from home. I found myself dressing more masculine without even thinking. I didn't have to show off to anyone in the office that I was a Woman In STEM so instead of feminine blouses i could wear tshirts. you couldn't tell the difference from a zoom call, so it didn't matter.

it was around this time that i started identifying as nonbinary. i scheduled top surgery soon after that.

the top surgery was a huge relief. at the time i wasn't sure if i wanted to go on T yet, but my surgeon didn't require HRT in order to do surgery so it worked out. I never liked having boobs. when i was 11 i had to start wearing a bra and i hated it. when i was a teen all my friends wanted to show their cleavage and i was like 'why the hell would you want to do that i hate having boobs'. i was a bridesmaid at my brother's wedding and i got the only dress style that didn't show cleavage and covered my chest completely. i hated everything about having boobs. mine were decently large too so it was annoying.

the top surgery went really well, and to this day i feel like it's one of the best thing's i've ever done for myself. i'd do it 5 times if that's what it required. i love my flat chest. i have absolutely no regrets. (tmi) i even opted to not have nipples and tbh it's great being nippleless lol

shortly after top surgery i started T. i was iffy about it at first, but i had PMDD so on top of my voice changing i wanted my periods to stop. i really wanted my voice to change most of all. i even recorded my voice monthly so i could hear the difference. it's incredible how much it changed, actually. it was gradual (i did have a voice crack stage but it wasn't too bad) but now it's where i've always wanted it at. i get called sir on the phone uwu

and i will say, HRT and top surgery are not for everyone! it was what worked for me, but some trans people opt out of them and that's super valid too. i had dysphoria around my voice and chest so it helped with that, but transmascs with higher pitched voices and boobs are also valid and i love them <3

now i'm working on a legal name change. at work people call me my preferred name (and it's even in my email address and everything) so that's good, but it would be nice having it on my ID and stuff too.

anyway, that's pretty much my gender journey as of now! hopefully my story helps you a little bit. if you learn anything from this, it should be it's never too late to realize you're trans!

[lilies-and-chaos]

Watched this video and I have some Thoughts because for a very long time I've wondered if I'm autistic.

I feel like I have to qualify that claim, to explain myself, because despite watching a video breaking down and analyzing self-diagnosis, it doesn't feel valid to say.

When I was a baby, I didn't respond to my name. I didn't make facial expressions correctly as a young child. I had anger issues that I couldn't control (my younger siblings often looked like they had been scratched by an angry cat. We did not have pets.) and severe anxiety (I frequently had panic attacks, at times almost nightly, even going to the hospital once because I thought I was dying). I was tormented by horrible intrusive thoughts: at 8 years old, I was convinced that I would, one day, kill myself. My mom told me I would go to Hell. We were not religious. I didn't have many friends growing up. The friends I did have were often labeled as troublemakers, but I now realize they were (often) poor, (usually) unsupported, and (likely) neurodivergent. Usually, I would sit and read during recess instead of playing with the other kids. I was a great student and read voraciously, but if I was asked to make an inference about what a character was feeling I could not tell you. I didn't make eye contact until my 5th grade teacher told me and my mom that in middle school, I had to look at the teacher when they were talking. Somehow my mom hadn't noticed my complete lack of eye contact until then. Not that it hadn't been an issue before: teachers would call on me to ask what they had just said, thinking I wasn't paying attention. I was always paying attention. Until I was 13 or 14, I didn't understand symbolism in books or films: I watched La La Land and thought the musical sections were diegetic, that this was set in an alternate LA where people got out of their cars to sing. In 8th grade, I worried that I was a psychopath because I didn't feel as affected about stuff as other people. Between 14 and 16 my upper arms were so sensitive that I'd cry when they were lightly brushed. I've never been able to stomach the feeling of hand rails or rope moving against my skin. I've run my knuckles against the walls while I walk for as long as I can remember. At 18, 19, 20 years old I have cried about my plans changing. I have refused to eat because it wasn't the food I was planning. I rarely feel connected to the people I interact with. It's hard for me to identify my emotions past a general "good" or "bad" feeling. I have been told my voice is "exactly like my sister's," but the one telling difference is my voice is much flatter. I become obsessed with certain topics to the point where I won't talk except about that one topic and I'll forget to eat and sleep and use the bathroom.

Oh, and my RAADS-R score, when I take the exam with my boyfriend and my family helping me answer questions as accurately as possible, is between a 127 and a 148. I've taken it several times over the span of 2 years.

Not all of these experiences are symptoms of autism, which I know. But I included some to show how my parents handle mental health problems. I have anxiety but was not taken to a therapist until I was old enough to realize something was wrong, just told to stop overthinking. My therapist needed to tell my mom that I needed to be put on antidepressants so I wouldn't kill myself before therapy started working because she didn't want me taking medicine. My mom has told me that she suspected I was autistic when I was a kid, but didn't get me tested because I was doing well in school. Never mind that I wasn't doing well in many other aspects.

I've long thought that self diagnosis is not valid. This is despite the fact that every time I've sought and received mental health help, I've been correct about my self-diagnosis. Depression, Anxiety, OCD. Is Autism next?

But watching this video helped me remember that formal diagnoses are not always possible; that diagnoses are putting the human condition in a small box; that psychologists are as fallible and human as I am; that I know myself better than anyone else does. Why should I limit the tools and resources I use because I haven't had a doctor officially say that I'm autistic? If these tools help me function in my day-to-day life, what is truly the difference between me and the hypothetical autistic me?

It doesn't matter too much now. If I am autistic, I am high-functioning (although I am aware that term is not supported anymore). I have painstakingly taught myself the social rules and conventions I need to follow in order to fit in. I can small talk and joke and (apparently poorly) use sarcasm and usually even detect it. Not much would change if I was formally diagnosed. But man. I would love to know.

Ofc I will not say "I have autism" to people but those are my thoughts

[shrinkthisviolet]

OC Bingo Buddies!

Where do you get your ideas for OCs?

Are any based on people you know?

Which OC is your favorite to write?

Which OC do you identify with most?

What's a random happy memory for you favorite side OC?

Hi! Thanks for stopping by 💞

Where do you get your ideas for OCs?

Honestly they kinda just come to me 😂 I tend to like “sister of/daughter of” OCs (or a combination of both, as Morgan is becoming), and it depends on which guy character (because it pretty much is one of the guys as a launching point usually) I latch on to. Most people create OCs to ship…I create them so I can have older siblings in a way 😂

Though the OCs that stick around usually do because they’re more than just that. They’re the ones I want to take further, explore a deeper story for. There’s a reason Morgan and Lucy are nothing like their first concepts—as time went on, the story I wanted to tell with them changed, and so did they. My OCs usually start as partly projection, and then develop a life of their own 💞

(The side OCs don’t develop as “sister of/daughter of” really, they sorta just spring from whatever character(s) I need for the story. Though they usually develop a life of their own too 😅 even if it takes them a little while)

Are any based on people you know?

Not the OCs themselves, but definitely some of the dynamics 😂 Lucy and Luke, for example, bicker the way my brothers and I do, and some of Barry and Morgan’s later shenanigans will mirror me and my brothers too.

I also tend to based aunt-niece relationships (like Tina & Morgan…and Lucy & Rey later) on me and my aunt 💞 I love her to pieces

Which OC is your favorite to write?

This answer changes all the time, between Lucy and Morgan 😂 currently it’s Morgan, but that could change (though hopefully it won’t until I finish this fic 😅)

I also quite enjoy writing Astra 💞 she’s a bit of a different character, in that she’s a bit more wry and sarcastic (similar to Tory Nichols, if you’ve seen Cobra Kai), and as challenging as that can be character-wise, it’s also super fun when I nail it

Which OC do you identify with the most?

Ooh probably Aminah, though that does feel a bit like cheating because I did create her to be a younger me 😅 if we’re talking about which OC is the most self-insert one I have, it’s definitely her

What’s a random happy memory for your favorite side OC?

Ooh well James and Morgan met because he saw her sitting alone at lunch and decided to sit with her.

She was still pretty wary and uncertain (understandable, being two years younger than her peers), and part of her thought he was making fun of her, so she told him to shove off. James said, “Are you sure? I won’t bother you, I promise…I just needed a place where I can hear myself think.”

Morgan just kinda shrugged and didn’t say anything else. She asked him about it the next day when he sat next to her again, but he just made the same excuse. That kept going on for days until she finally asked what he really wanted.

“I just didn’t want you to be alone,” he admitted, “because you looked like you needed it. I promise that’s all.” It took her a little while to accept that, but it helped that James also felt a little braver and started cracking some jokes, making her smile and laugh.

And that was the start of a wonderful friendship 💞 (and romance, later, though even when that ended, their friendship was as strong as ever)

[ortegajasmin]

Blog Post #1

Hi, my name is Jasmin Ortega and I am an 18 years old. I am hispanic as is the rest of my family, my mother was born in NYC as well and had lived there her whole life while my father was born in a small village in Mexico, he eventually moved to NYC in his early teens where he met my mom. My name origin is extremely basic and unoriginal and does not have a specific or meaningful origin, my parents just chose it because they liked the sound of it and thought it was nice. If I had the chance to change my name to a fictional character I would probably pick the name Diana, taken from the fictional superhero Wonder Woman, Diana is Wonder Woman's real name. The reason why I would choose this name is because of how important Wonder Woman is in the DC, she is one of the titular characters in the Justice League being one of the founding characters alongside Batman and Superman. 

High school was a bit of a blur for me. I remember that my first day of high school was very anticlimactic and nothing like the movies. I went in extremely nervous to be in a whole new world with a lot of older kids and honestly speaking the first day was a little overwhelming by how many people there were and how big the school was, but after the first day I got used to it and was pretty bored by it. I actually did not go to school on the last day, I had graduated the day before and I decided not to end up going on the actual last day. On my physical last day of school I did not do much but get ready for graduation and say goodbye to my favorite teacher one last time. My favorite moment of high school would usually be when whenever I had gym on specific days and was able to go out with the class and meet up with my friends in the other gym class, it always made the class period that much better.  My least favorite moment would have to be when I had a falling out with an old friend from middle school, leading us to never speak again. If I could do it all over again I would probably go about it by putting myself out there more and trying to make more friends and by also trying for more extra curricular activities. 

 Currently, I am in my freshman year of college, in my second semester and my major is Psychology. Truthfully speaking, I chose this major because of a crime tv show called Law and Order: SVU. The show is about detectives solving cases revolving sex crimes, occasionally on the show they would have a psychiatrist come on to the show and give his professional opinion on the cases and criminals to help solve the crimes. Watching this show and the psychiatrist work to identify motives and reasonings behind a criminal and their crimes was fascinating. This essentially led to my interest in true crime and the way criminals' minds work, it also led to my interest in the human mind as a whole and why we do what we do or feel the way we do. With this major one specific career path I am interested in is of course a criminal psychologist, the other career path would be a child therapist. What essentially inspired me for both of these careers is my want to understand the mind and how it works for specific groups of people as well as helping those who need it. 

I unfortunately do not participate in any recreational activities, I never got into them when I was younger and so I never gained an interest in them when I got older. For my interests and hobbies I would say I have pretty basic ones like reading, playing video games, spending time with my family, listening to music, and watching movies and shows, but if I had to pick a semi interesting interest it would have to be taking pictures of the sky. I never miss the chance to take a photo of the sky, day or night, when it looks pretty and memorable. The main reason for this is because I think it is something that is nice to look at and look back on. 

The last movie I watched was Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones and the last show I watched was a rewatch of Cobra Kai. For movie and tv show recommendations it would be The Boys on Amazon, That 70s Show, Teen Wolf (mainly season 3), Back to the Future, Ready Player One, and Scott Pilgrim vs the World. My favorite film and show are both from my recommendations, The Boys and Scott Pilgrim vs the World. Both pieces of media have great stories and comedy in my opinion and the latter has amazing original music. My least favorite show would have to be a netflix original called Ginny & Georgia, I am just hate watching it at this point, but I would be lying if there weren't moments that absolutely had me laughing. There has not really been anything I have created, no original pieces or nothing. And if I were to pick my last meal to have on my last day on earth it would be tortas. Tortas are some of the best sandwiches my mom has made, they usually include beans, mexican cheese, ham, eggs, hot dogs, and breaded chicken. Now reading it may not seem appetizing but trust it is absolutely amazing and I would absolutely want nothing more than to have a torta as my last meal. 

[aroaceking]

And lots of teens don't have crushes, don't have sexual desires and aren't otherized for it at all. And aren't ace or aro for that.

I feel like we are somehow having two entirely different conversations on this. I don't disagree that there are plenty of teenagers who don't have crushes or 'sexual desires' and that are not aro or ace.

I don't even know how to make a list of all the numerous tiny and large ways I personally was treated as strange. 'Sexual desires' it's not. Ugh. Developmentally appropriate ways people may get into it are things like admiring cartoon characters or celebrities, wanting to act out dating or marriage through both pretend play and as they get a little older childhood dating (like when kids say 'blahblah is my boyfriend' regardless of even a change in behavior).

Sometimes this includes recognizing feelings of discomfort or shifting attitudes towards how they would play or imagine themselves in these dynamics for their future. Many gay and trans children may shut down on this because the roles more directly press on some of these struggles or they get attacked for the roles they attempt to play through--I know some girls where when younger it was okay for them to play the husband in pretend play but as they got older, not only were people less willing to play house, but also became critical of their desire to play a certain role within it.

This is so. I don't even know how to get into this topic. I minored in developmental psychology to try and understand myself. I tried to understand why the things that happened to me did. It feels absolutely irresponsible to both other people in situations like I had been in and just dishonest to interpret any attempt in the conversation to acknowledge why some might go towards the label at a completely developmentally appropriate time to question it.

Would you say 14 is a developmentally inappropriate age to recognize you're gay? Also I understand some gay children will shrink into the identity because they're scared of unpacking that, and sometimes they cling to it even after it would be healthier for them to move on. But they could just as easily do that with identifying as straight, especially women, who are constantly taught that it's normal to not have desires because it would be wrong for them to experience attraction (like how many lesbians who realize later in life because they just thought it was normal to not like the boyfriends or even husbands they tried to have, at least to not like them the way they actually would like a woman they were attracted to).

I just feel like so much of this conversation is weirdly centered on disproving the experiences ace and aro people try to discuss, so much so that it can also devolve into defensive aro and ace people lashing out instead of building our resources. I withdrew years ago from these conversations online because I was frustrated by the way it was escalating. Seems we never fucking moved on past 2015 discourse, just more into it.

I remember the fucking abhorrent conversations about AIDs, I remember the derailed conversations about 'queerness', I remember both the refusal to acknowledge that, yes in fact, there were aces that are both cis and het, and also the refusal to acknowledge GLAAD accepting aces as LGBT+ anyway. Because it's not a fucking innate thing, like everything it's all socially constructed and maintained and it was already a coalition, not a singular thing, and yes I am also still bothered by the refusal to properly discuss things like misogyny or trauma that props up in the community I am a part of but I am also involved in other communities that have their own struggles to identify and discuss certain issues and it's also frustrating and it's also something that does NOT get better when you make a group more defensive and upset.

quotes under read more because I'm literally confused:

"Realizing I had an experience that could be defined and also was outside of many of my friend's helped alleviate some of the panic surrounding what attraction even meant."

"it's weirder and creepier to me that you 1) equate it with sexual activity"

"It's very alienating to be a teenager and not have any crushes or understand what people are even talking about when they discuss crushes or what makes someone 'hot' or whatever fucking else and sex doesn't! Have to be a part of that even!!"

"I have friends that have admitted my confusion and lack of attraction messed up their processing of their own sexuality because of how intensely I expressed bewilderment over it."

"I know there are plenty of people who developed later. I am 28 years old now. I have seen people who developed later. Or whose development was delayed because they were dysphoric, traumatized, or struggling with internalized homophobia/just straight misogyny."

"Realizing my differences helped me with understanding and being more compassionate with my peers. It also gave the ones who cared a basis of understanding said differences in a way that helped them, too."

"And yes, plenty of people develop later/DONT have crushes and aren't ace. There's a million reasons for it."

[danklefstad-blog]

Re: Your Intern Who Rejected My Book

Dear Publisher,

Many thanks for responding to my manuscript query. Even though it took 11 months, two weeks, and three days for your reply to arrive, and even though it was clearly a form email, I’m grateful that your college intern took the time to read my sample pages while watching TikTok videos and snapping Instagram images of freshly painted fingernails. Such multi-platform multitasking is perfect preparation for this new world where nouns are distilled into memes, feelings are reduced to emojis, and attention is measured in GIFs. I hope you’re paying your primary gatekeeper an adequate wage to share a studio apartment in Brooklyn with no more than three other future captains of the content creation industry formerly known as publishing.

I hate to intrude on your Facebook time, but I would like to point out a few of your junior staffer’s notes, presumably meant to help with my future submissions. Please understand I’m not trying to get anyone into trouble. I merely want to confirm whether these “edits” reflect the new industry standard for composition worthy of today’s audience.

Firstly, your intern changed all gender pronouns to they/them. While I consider myself an ally of transgender and non-binary persons, I maintain some readers might find it useful to know whether a character identifies as “he” or “she” or is biologically so. If you feel otherwise, I’ll admit this is not a hill I’m willing to die taking, as we’re only talking about pronouns.

Secondly, any reference to sexual attraction, or even intercourse, has been removed. It seems your apprentice feels my main characters would appeal more broadly to Generation Z if they identified as “ace” which, after consulting a source called Urban Dictionary, I learned means asexual. No offense to those not interested in sex but how does your intern think people arrive on this planet? Dropped by aliens? Maybe it’s time we bring back the old trope of the stork carrying a swaddled babe in its beak. For the remainder of this letter I’ll refer to the younger cohort as storks — and I don’t care if they view this as a micro-aggression. I am the one who feels attacked and I seek, nay, I demand answers as to what our industry’s standards really are.

Trigger warning: A complaint about trigger warnings is imminent. Are you in a safe place, emotionally speaking, to read my third objection? Allow me tread lightly so as not to bruise your feelings. Okay, I’ll admit this preamble is insensitive. But seriously: Where do we draw the line between a reader’s right not to re-live trauma and my right to inject realism into a story? In my case, your employee went too far when striking an entire scene in which an injured horse is euthanized by its owner. Shooting a lame steed was common practice in the 18th century, and my depiction of this act was meant to portray the owner as a sensitive and merciful man. However, this proved far too much for your stork who apparently still suffers from PTSD after a veterinarian put down a beloved “fur baby.” My lack of a warning seems to be the main reason my manuscript was declined. For your intern’s sake I’ll thank God they didn’t read the part where the man, who was starving, ate his horse so that he could survive a harsh winter.

Please understand that I deeply empathize with anyone who had to say goodbye to a beloved pet. And I would accept the inclusion of a trigger warning for this scene if it increases my odds for getting published. But what about other passages such as a battle devolving into brutal hand-to-hand combat? Or a character’s death from dysentery? Adding warnings to each of these chapters would yank the reader out of the immersive experience I carefully curated for them. I hope you’ll agree that not every chapter in a book should be filled with “happy place” things.

My final complaint focuses on your stork’s lack of knowledge, even complete disregard, for American history. Here I’ll need to burden you with another detail about my novel: It features Thomas Jefferson as a recurring character. In my story Mr. Jefferson is presented as a complex, flawed human of his time who literally owned Black Americans, some of whom he used for sex, the most famous being Sally Hemings. To my astonishment the stork you hired as the sieve for incoming manuscripts insisted I was wrong. Thomas Jefferson, she wrote in all caps, WAS A BLACK MAN. When I shouted back at these words my daughter informed me that a Black actor plays Jefferson in the original cast of Hamilton, a play she has seen numerous times on the Disney channel. My daughter’s praise for the production was drowned out by my alarm that the person you put in charge of acquisitions looked no further than a Broadway musical for fundamental facts about our nation.

Having vented enough for now I wonder if my blame is aimed at the wrong target. What if the education system is the real culprit? Or Gen Z’s parents? Regardless, I do believe you’d be well served to occasionally double-check the writing samples your intern rejects. No need to do this with mine, however. I’ve given up and am exploring other avenues to “boost awareness among content consumers” of my “creative offerings.” God, just reading those words makes me feel dead inside. Still, I’ll focus on greener pastures like my YouTube channel in which I read rejection letters and offer comments similar to what you’ve read here. So far only a dozen people have subscribed but I’m predicting thousands of writers will sign up once my social media posts get enough shares. I’m still researching the best hashtags to optimize my Google-friendliness or whatever they call it. I do find some comfort in this practice as it still involves the careful selection of words.

Would you like to increase your media profile? Join me on my channel. I’d love to get your opinion about where our industry is headed and whether books can still maintain a place in this new landscape. And if the person reading this is in fact the intern who stars in the previous paragraphs, I mean no insult. What’s more, I’ll bet you’d be a far more entertaining guest than your boss — or me, for that matter. We could talk about Hamilton, pronouns, triggers, whatever you want. You’re the future, after all. Those who write should know who you are and what content you prefer.

If, during our chat you scroll through Instagram or TikTok, all I ask is that you share your distractions with our viewers. I realize I’d risk being a bystander on my show. But I need to know if my words still have relevance. Perhaps you’d be doing me a favor by putting me out of my misery. Just do it quickly and as painlessly as possible. And be sure your rising star executes a full eclipse so my remains are shielded from sensitive eyes. Not to put too fine a point on it but don’t eat me because that would get you banned from all platforms, possibly forever.

What’s that? Of course, vegan. Please excuse my lame and inappropriate attempt at humor. And may your words succeed where mine have failed.

Author.

[writingwithcolor]

What Does Our "Motivations” PSA Mean?

@luminalalumini said:

I've been on your blog a lot and it has a lot of really insightful information, but I notice a theme with some of your answers where you ask the writer reaching out what their 'motivation for making a character a certain [race/religion/ethnicity/nationality] is' and it's discouraging to see, because it seems like you're automatically assigning the writer some sort of ulterior motive that must be sniffed out and identified before the writer can get any tips or guidance for their question. Can't the 'motive' simply be having/wanting to have diversity in one's work? Must there be an 'ulterior motive'? I can understand that there's a lot of stigma and stereotypes and bad influence that might lead to someone trynna add marginalized groups into their stories for wrong reasons, but people that have those bad intentions certainly won't be asking for advice on how to write good representation in the first place. Idk its just been something that seemed really discouraging to me to reach out myself, knowing i'll automatically be assigned ulterior motives that i don't have and will probably have to justify why i want to add diversity to my story as if i'm comitting some sort of crime. I don't expect you guys to change your blog or respond to this or even care all that much, I'm probably just ranting into a void. I'm just curious if theres any reason to this that I haven't realized exists I suppose. I don't want y'all to take this the wrong way because I do actually love and enjoy your blog's advice in spite of my dumb griping. Cheers :))

We assume this is in reference to the following PSA:

PSA to all of our users - Motivation Matters: This lack of clarity w/r to intent has been a general issue with many recent questions. Please remember that if you don’t explain your motivations and what you intend to communicate to your audience with your plot choices, character attributes, world-building etc., we cannot effectively advise you beyond the information you provide. We Are Not Mind Readers. If, when drafting these questions, you realize you can’t explain your motivations, that is likely a hint that you need to think more on the rationales for your narrative decisions. My recommendation is to read our archives and articles on similar topics for inspiration while you think. I will be attaching this PSA to all asks with similar issues until the volume of such questions declines. 

We have answered this in three parts.

1. Of Paved Roads and Good Intentions

Allow me to give you a personal story, in solidarity towards your feelings:

When I began writing in South Asia as an outsider, specifically in the Kashmir and Lahore areas, I was doing it out of respect for the cultures I had grown up around. I did kathak dance, I grew up on immigrant-cooked North Indian food, my babysitters were Indian. I loved Mughal society, and every detail of learning about it just made me want more. The minute you told me fantasy could be outside of Europe, I hopped into the Mughal world with two feet. I was 13. I am now 28.

And had you asked me, as a teenager, what my motives were in giving my characters’ love interests blue or green eyes, one of them blond hair, my MC having red-tinted brown hair that was very emphasized, and a whole bunch of paler skinned people, I would have told you my motives were “to represent the diversity of the region.” 

I’m sure readers of the blog will spot the really, really toxic and colourist tropes present in my choices. If you’re new here, then the summary is: giving brown people “unique” coloured eyes and hair that lines up with Eurocentric beauty standards is an orientalist trope that needs to be interrogated in your writing. And favouring pale skinned people is colourist, full stop.

Did that make me a bad person with super sneaky ulterior motives who wanted to write bad representation? No.

It made me an ignorant kid from the mostly-white suburbs who grew up with media that said brown people had to “look unique” (read: look as European as possible) to be considered valuable.

And this is where it is important to remember that motives can be pure as you want, but you were still taught all of the terrible stuff that is present in society. Which means you’re going to perpetuate it unless you stop and actually question what is under your conscious motive, and work to unlearn it. Work that will never be complete.

I know it sounds scary and judgemental (and it’s one of the reasons we allow people to ask to be anonymous, for people who are afraid). Honestly, I would’ve reacted much the same as a younger writer, had you told me I was perpetuating bad things. I was trying to do good and my motives were pure, after all! But after a few years, I realized that I had fallen short, and I had a lot more to learn in order for my motives to match my impact. Part of our job at WWC is to attempt to close that gap.

We aren’t giving judgement, when we ask questions about why you want to do certain things. We are asking you to look at the structural underpinnings of your mind and question why those traits felt natural together, and, more specifically, why those traits felt natural to give to a protagonist or other major character.

I still have blond, blue-eyed characters with sandy coloured skin. I still have green-eyed characters. Because teenage me was right, that is part of the region. But by interrogating my motive, I was able to devalue those traits within the narrative, and I stopped making those traits shorthand for “this is the person you should root for.” 

It opened up room for me to be messier with my characters of colour, even the ones who my teenage self would have deemed “extra special.” Because the European-associated traits (pale hair, not-brown-eyes) stopped being special. After years of questioning, they started lining up with my motive of just being part of the diversity of the region.

Motive is important, both in the conscious and the subconscious. It’s not a judgement and it’s not assumed to be evil. It’s simply assumed to be unquestioned, so we ask that you question it and really examine your own biases.

~Mod Lesya

2. Motivations Aren't Always "Ulterior"

You can have a positive motivation or a neutral one or a negative one. Just wanting to have diversity only means your characters aren't all white and straight and cis and able-bodied -- it doesn't explain why you decided to make this specific character specifically bi and specifically Jewish (it me). Yes, sometimes it might be completely random! But it also might be "well, my crush is Costa Rican, so I gave the love interest the same background", or "I set it in X City where the predominant marginalized ethnicity is Y, so they are Y". Neither of these count as ulterior motives. But let's say for a second that you did accidentally catch yourself doing an "ulterior." Isn't that the point of the blog, to help you find those spots and clean them up?

Try thinking of it as “finding things that need adjusting” rather than “things that are bad” and it might get less scary to realize that we all do them, subconsciously. Representation that could use some work is often the product of subconscious bias, not deliberate misrepresentation, so there's every possibility that someone who wants to improve and do better didn't do it perfectly the first time. 

--Shira

3. Dress-Making as a Metaphor

I want to echo Lesya’s sentiments here but also provide a more logistical perspective. If you check the rubber stamp guide here and the “Motivation matters” PSA above, you’ll notice that concerns with respect to asker motivation are for the purposes of providing the most relevant answer possible.

It is a lot like if someone walks into a dressmaker’s shop and asks for a blue dress/ suit (Back when getting custom-made clothes was more of a thing) . The seamstress/ tailor is likely to ask a wide variety of questions:

What material do you want the outfit to be made of?

Where do you plan to wear it?

What do you want to highlight?

How do you want to feel when you wear it?

Let’s say our theoretical customer is in England during the 1920s. A tartan walking dress/ flannel suit for the winter is not the same as a periwinkle, beaded, organza ensemble/ navy pinstripe for formal dress in the summer. When we ask for motivations, we are often asking for exactly that: the specific reasons for your inquiry so we may pinpoint the most pertinent information.

The consistent problem for many of the askers who receive the PSA is they haven’t even done the level of research necessary to know what they want to ask of us. It would be like if our English customer in the 1920s responded, “IDK, some kind of blue thing.” Even worse,  WWC doesn’t have the luxury of the back-and-forth between a dressmaker and their clientele. If our asker doesn’t communicate all the information they need in mind at the time of submission, we can only say, “Well, I’m not sure if this is right, but here’s something. I hope it works, but if you had told us more, we could have done a more thorough job.”

Answering questions without context is hard, and asking for motivations, by which I mean the narratives, themes, character arcs and other literary devices that you are looking to incorporate, is the best way for us to help you, while also helping you to determine if your understanding of the problem will benefit from outside input. Because these asks are published with the goal of helping individuals with similar questions, the PSA also serves to prompt other users.

I note that asking questions is a skill, and we all start by asking the most basic questions (Not stupid questions, because to quote a dear professor, “There are no stupid questions.”). Unfortunately, WWC is not suited for the most basic questions. To this effect, we have a very helpful FAQ and archive as a starting point. Once you have used our website to answer the more basic questions, you are more ready to approach writing with diversity and decide when we can actually be of service. This is why we are so adamant that people read the FAQ. Yes, it helps us, but it also is there to save you time and spare you the ambiguity of not even knowing where to start.

The anxiety in your ask conveys to me a fear of being judged for asking questions. That fear is not something we can help you with, other than to wholeheartedly reassure you that we do not spend our unpaid, free time answering these questions in order to assume motives we can’t confirm or sit in judgment of our users who, as you say, are just trying to do better.

Yes, I am often frustrated when an asker’s question makes it clear they haven’t read the FAQ or archives. I’ve also been upset when uncivil commenters have indicated that my efforts and contributions are not worth their consideration. However, even the most tactless question has never made me think, “Ooh this person is such a naughty racist. Let me laugh at them for being a naughty racist. Let me shame them for being a naughty racist. Mwahaha.”

What kind of sad person has time for that?*

Racism is structural. It takes time to unlearn, especially if you’re in an environment that doesn’t facilitate that process to begin with. Our first priority is to help while also preserving our own boundaries and well-being. Though I am well aware of the levels of toxic gas-lighting and virtue signaling that can be found in various corners of online writing communities in the name of “progressivism*”, WWC is not that kind of space. This space is for discussions held in good faith: for us to understand each other better, rather than for one of us to “win” and another to “lose.”

Just as we have good faith that you are doing your best, we ask that you have faith that we are trying to do our best by you and the BIPOC communities we represent.

- Marika.

*If you are in any writing or social media circles that feed these anxieties or demonstrate these behaviors, I advise you to curtail your time with them and focus on your own growth. You will find, over time, that it is easier to think clearly when you are worrying less about trying to appease people who set the bar of approval so high just for the enjoyment of watching you jump. “Internet hygiene”, as I like to call it, begins with you and the boundaries you set with those you interact with online.

[almasdepository]

"Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo" / the good and the bad

*lengthy text incoming* *without important spoilers*

"Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo" is a fictional story about an Old Hollywood actress and her life story; where she came from, how she rose to fame and, of course, how she ended up having 7 husbands. Evelyn hires a journalist called Monique who comes to her home everyday in hopes of writing an authentic autobiography which will skyrocket her career.

The most recent book I've read was one of the BookTok's ( book + TikTok, in case you've been living with Patrick from SpongeBob) biggest sensations - "Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo" by Taylor Jenkins Reid. Almost every book recommendation video that popped up had this book listed as one of the books you need to read. Some were even calling it the best piece of literature they've ever read so, naturally, I had pretty big expectations. Even though I'm a bit redundant when it comes to giving overhyped books a chance, I googled the nearest bookstore and ordered it.

The reading process took longer than I had expected it to be, as I found the first 100ish pages pretty slow and dare I say, boring. It took me around 10 days to finish it and I'm finally ready to give my 2 cents.

Let's start with the positives:

• overall, the plot was interesting, and after the first 100-something pages reading flowed smoothly.

• I like that it had elements of historical fiction, as most of the book is set in the past (the 50s - present)

• arguably, the character of Evelyn was empowering and encouraged me to explore the more sexual and feminine side of myself. Seeing her embrace her sexiness and sexuality so often, gave me a sort of confidence I love getting from female heroines.

• including the LGBTQ+ community and people of color is a huge plus if done well. I appreciate the representation but can not comment on its validity as I identify with neither of those groups. It wouldn't be my place to say if the characters were presented authentically or not.

• rather small but significant parts were the news articles that were used as a sort of a plot device to skip portions of time and therefore skip to the interesting bits of Evelyn's long life.

Now, for what I didn't like:

• the relationships. By that, I'm thinking of relations in-between the characters as well as the relationship between the characters and the reader. Firstly, no matter how much I liked Evelyn and Celia independently, their relationship was so frustrating to read about. These were two fully grown women bickering about minute stuff that could be solved with a conversation. And instead of finding a way to understand each other and adapt, they would be stubborn and choose to break up. Constantly breaking up and then making up gets tiring after a while.

Then, the relationship we the readers were supposed to have with the characters was a bit too weak for me. We're meant to believe what these characters have is love out of this world, therefore, are desperate to be close to each other, but I can't help but think that we don't see many reasons as to why that's so. Due to this, I couldn't see why Evelyn is so adamant to stay with Celia or why she wouldn't leave Harry and start a new life with the love of her life. I understand that books have a limit as to how long they should be so perhaps the author couldn't fit more scenes of characters interacting, but my opinion is that it would've made the book much more emotional and have readers much more invested.

• the big twist at the end was underwhelming but that's mostly because I knew that something will happen at the end, before even starting to read, so my mind came up with much more scandalous ideas.

• another thing that's not necessarily negative, I'm just confused as to how that happened, is the timeline of events and Evelyn's age. In chapter 62 it is said that Robert died at the age of eighty-one, before Evelyn. However, we know that he is much younger than Evelyn (20ish years, if my memory serves me well) so my question is - How did Evelyn die at the age of just 79? I expected her to be over a hundred years old. I'm not sure if this is a miscalculation from TJR's side or if I just understood it wrong.

My final thoughts are that the book is overhyped. Nothing personal, it's not terrible and you definitely should read it but it most likely will not end up being your favorite book, especially if you're used to reading deeper and more serious titles. Overall, it gets 4 stars from me, because of its fast-paced plot and creativity.

[mariacallous]

Random ask but how would you describe your style? Are you into fashion?

I love random asks!

I'm gonna flip the order of the questions and say that I am into fashion - like I don't go out and buy magazines or necessarily look at a piece of clothing and go "that was from the spring 1997 collection put out by [x]" but I think about it constantly - which overall styles or elements work and don't work together, what sorts of trends there are and how things have shifted (or reverted), and knowing about different designs from different eras and historical periods, and I read and look into things just because it interests me and to get a better understanding. And I've always been doing this - when I was younger I would talk with my sisters and discuss outfit pairings and critique celebrities and other fashion, and now that I'm older and more myself and more independent, obviously I think more about how I look and present myself (and how I want to present myself).

And honestly, I'm not sure how I'd describe my style, really - I was thinking about this a lot recently because I'm never sure how I come across or look, really (I asked several friends how they'd describe me and I was surprised, but in a good way). Part of the problem is I get very into the mechanics or details - does this particular top go with this particular skirt or pair of pants and this pair of shoes, or does this dress work with this necklace and scarf, etc. - and so to a certain extent I get somewhat divorced from thinking about an overall theme or set of descriptors.

But (and I almost said that my style is "professionally fun" but that makes me sound like I'm doing something I've neither the confidence nor time for) I think my style would be "generally professional but also fun", "comfortably nice in an off-kilter sort of way", "partly inspired by my favorite or most identified-with fictional characters", "21st century bureaucrat-cum-human services-cum office worker mixed with 80s guest star character"? (Feel free to send in descriptions or comments on what y'all think my style or fashion sense is because I always love to know what others think).

I don't really like to show off that much ("keeping the demilitarized zones covered" is how I describe it) really, partly because I'm not comfortable feeling so exposed so much (and I don't know that I have a lot to show off anyway) and partly because I'm a pale ass bitch with predominantly Irish ancestry and I burn like a motherfucker. I do like my legs (mostly from like the knee to the ankle) and so I don't have much of a problem showing those off too much (I'm sort of built like an upside-down bowling pin.)

I like patterns and prints and colors (partly because I spent so long mostly avoiding those and focusing on what was simple but appropriate while still being comfortable due to work, in particular animal print (so snakeskin - LOVE a snakeskin print and I wish there was more stuff with that out there, as well as crocodile print - and leopard and tiger) and paisley and houndstooth and maybe having one standout element or piece (usually the jewelry). For colors I'm all over the place but I try to avoid too much yellow or orange (I don't think it really works well with my coloring) and I go more red (and various shades) and green (etc.) and blue (etc.) and I try to avoid anything too tight or bodycon but I don't want to be completely shapeless and drab, like a Laura Transgirl Wilder/My Transtonia prairie look or The Blahb, and I hate my feet so I don't want anyone to see what they look like (hence no sandals or peeptoes really).

I'm conscious (some might say overly and concerningly away) of my flaws/"areas which could be improved" and so part of my choices are to help mitigate or deflect those, and to work with stuff that I know will be more flattering (although selfies are always a difficult thing and I don't know that I'll ever master the confident yet casual or "casual" selfie).

I don't mind being noticed but I don't really want to stand out too much, at least currently (not that it'd stop anyone).

[doctorbunny]

MILGRAM theory time: Haruka!

This isn't going to go super in depth (famous last words) but there's a few heavily debated parts of Haruka's MV I want to share my findings/thoughts on because I think this is my new special interest and during my quest to get best boy's song to 1 million views I have been looking over his first MV with a fine tooth comb so to speak.

Disclaimer: As the Jackalope said in the "This is the MILGRAM" trailer, we don't necessarily know everyone's crime from just the first video, its possible that a lot of things will be re-contextualized in the second MV, however I am not psychic or bilingual and thus will only be working with content released before August 20th 2021 and translated into English (which could cause some language/cultural details to be lost on me as translation is not a 1 to 1 process).

TW for discussions of ableism, child abuse, murder and animal death. Also this is really long so sorry to all the people that follow me for non-MILGRAM stuff

Firstly, I want to start on the topic of Haruka as a person. He is disabled. He does not have 'the mind of a child' (although he is 17, making him legally a minor in both North America and Japan). He is not just 'child-like'. And he is not mentally ill (well he might be, in the sense that many disabilities like Haruka's have strong comorbidities [where a person has two or more conditions but neither directly causes the other] with anxiety, depression and PTSD, but usually when I see people talk about him 'struggling with mental illness' they go on to refer to aspects of his disability). Sometimes on tumblr, people like myself, will see canonical traits written into a character and identify them as being traits associated with our disabilities/mental illness and headcanon them as such. Sometimes this even involves saying things like "It's basically canon!" Although we understand that these characters were probably not the result of a writer intending to write a disabled person. When I say that Haruka is being written as a person with a neurodevelopmental disability, I mean the writer intended to write a disabled character and wrote them in a way that they wanted the audience to pick up on. As an autistic person (which is one of many neurodevelopmental disorders and also something I probably didn't have to specify because who else would be writing an essay about a series they got into a few days ago at 11 o'clock at night) I really like how Haruka has been written so far. There's definitely some parts of him that have been exaggerated so abled normies can pick up on his disability (namely how his MV 's main motif is really child-like drawings) but the writers also included a lot of smaller details I appreciate like how it is noted he avoids eye contact when talking to other people and is depicted as nervously pulling at his sleeves in official artwork, or how he says he finds his prison uniform (which has tight straps) 'relaxing' and when he gets nervous/tense, he will dig his fingernails into the palm of his hands. (These last two potential being examples of 'self stimulation' [aka stimming] where a person seeks out specific sensory stimuli in order to help regulate their nervous system/emotions, in this case the tight uniform creates a comforting, secure feeling [you may have heard about some people preferring to sleep under weighted blankets for this reason] and digging nails into his palms sounds uncomfortable/painful but is done in an attempt to deal with a greater sensory discomfort caused by the situation/environment) I also appreciate the depth he is written with, he struggles to communicate verbally but in his MV and interactions with other inmates is shown to have insecurities, opinions and a consistent thought process (this is all basic character stuff but unfortunately not always present in disabled characters)

Also I want to add that (in terms of what we've been shown so far) Haruka did not kill anyone because of his disability/mental illness. Disabled people are not inherently more innocent than abled people. But there is no disability/mental illness where a symptom is that you kill people and real people have to live with the stigma when you speak carelessly and suggest things like "Haruka is the kind of mentally ill person who kills people as a cry for help" 🧂 (or at the very least real people have to read BS like that and cringe). TL;DR Haruka is less child-like and more onion-like (as in, he has layers) 🧅🧅🧅

Now is the actual theory stuff, oops:

Every prisoner in MILGRAM is supposed to have committed murder in some way, obviously considering Yuno just had an abortion (which i personally do not consider an act of murder) whilst Mu literally stabbed someone to death, this definition is stretched a bit. But it is not agreed upon yet who Haruka killed/how many people he killed or why he killed.

In his MV he is shown to have chased after his dog into a forest, seen something off-screen, then beaten something into a messy pulp with a rock. Some people think the dog is a red herring and that Haruka actually killed his mother/the girl from the fireworks show/his brother. I do not agree.

First: I believe Haruka when he says he doesn't have a brother. The MV literally starts by Haruka looking in the mirror and then switching between the him now

and a really similar looking younger child who just so happened to be a key feature of his memories (I don't have the vocabulary to explain it but its like cinematic parallels that establish this is the same person at different points of their life)

Its not impossible that this is Haruka's secret younger brother, but i think its unlikely. I saw someone saying they had to be different people because Haruka looks less happy than the child but like, most 17 year olds are less visibly happy than when they were 7 (or however old the child is meant to be). Life happens.

So when Haruka is shown pushing the child around and eventually strangling him, this isn't meant to be literal (homicide or suicide), but a representation of how conflicted Haruka feels about his younger self, who may have committed the murder (if you've ever been kept awake cringing at memories of something you said in the past and wishing you could go slap some sense into your former self, this is like that but 10 times more self loathing). The lyric "I am always repeating yesterday," implies he might think about this specific past event a lot.

Moving on, its pretty well accepted that Haruka's parents were abusive in some way and Haruka internalised a lot of it: he constantly apologises, he says in his interrogation questions that his one wish come true is that "[he] want[s] to be loved" and describes in his MV how when he couldn't find the words he was looking for ("you're unfair") one of his parents "would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”". He seems to know its unfair but also still says he 'loves' his family, possibly mistakenly believing it is his fault, but also showing an awareness of his situation (and how his parents might behave).

Now, the MV is stylised in a way that makes certain details unclear, but there is one clear detail showing that Haruka's dog was killed

This is the first close up of Haruka and the dog. Haruka's mother is just out of frame supervising, but they look pretty happy. Notice how the puppy has a silvery chain for a collar. Somehow, this dog gets out of the house but only Haruka is shown chasing after it (whether his mother was searching elsewhere or didn't bother following her disabled son into the forest is unclear). Either way, young Haruka is now in the forest, unsupervised.

By the time he finds the dog, there is already blood, suggesting it was initally attacked by something else.

is this a sigh of relief from a boy whose finally found his beloved pet or a jealous weakling glad that nature took its course and he is finally free of that meddling mutt stealing all his mummy's attention? /j

I think this shock at the discovery that 'there is blood on his hands' could imply that rather than literally getting the blood from his dog, Haruka has seen his already injured dog and realises that if the dog got out because of him (he is previously shown to be aware his parents seem to blame him for everything) then he is the reason his dog is injured/dying and will be blamed for it. (this scene plays over the lyrics "It’s fine, though it’s really not It’s really fine, though I don’t really think so When I tried to understand it, You’ll make that disappointed face again" suggesting he is trying to avoid making his parents disappointed and letting the family pet escape into danger is something that could make them very disappointed)

now we get into rock murder (this is present-day Haruka implying that this is either: not how the scene really played out; the writers really wanting the audience to know that this was Haruka's doing and not someone else's; or this turns into a separate incident that happened much later [although note that the red sky and blue moon is the same as when young Haruka first appears at the start])

b the corpse is beyond mangled now, but its clearly the dog because the silver chain collar is still there, to the right of the body. (circled in red for your convenience :3)

My hypothesis is: Haruka didn't set out to kill his dog, but upon finding it injured (we don't know the severity aside from bleeding and also it not being able to run away from Haruka kneeling down above it w/ a big rock so it could range from treatable with a lot of vet help to already on death's door, TBH I don't think Haruka would know the difference) He knew he'd be blamed for this; made into a villain who let the poor puppy come to harm. He panicked and killed the dog out of some idea that it would make him the victim here (since he'd be found crying over a dog corpse, which might make a parent go comfort him rather than getting angry about what could've happened to the dog). This is over the lyrics: "I cried, I screamed I wanted to be a pitied and loved weakling I was in denial, I was in denial I just had to make sure I’ve become a victim, I’ve become a victim" (there's another theory that he was also jealous of the dog, which could work here too, since this is not some calculated plot; rather its a rash decision) This ties in with his Japanese song title (translated as Weakness) which is a play on a phrase sort of like "The strong eat, the weak do not" to become "The weak are eaten by society" or "The weak eat each other to survive" [once again I am reminding everyone this is based on second hand information from the youtube comments section (from users mitchki and Alphaistic) because I do not speak Japanese] This second meaning (The weak eat each other to survive) makes sense under the reading that Haruka killed his dog in order to 'survive' making his parents disappointed for the dog escaping.

Miscellaneous points:

We don't know where Haruka's necklace came from yet, it must be a gift since the most expensive thing he's ever bought was cotton candy. The younger child in the video isn't wearing it and neither is his mother or the girl in the purple dress.

Haruka's home seems quite big, at the start we can see a large flower garden outside the window and there's a forest in walking distance. This might suggest his family is quite wealthy

Haruka probably did go to school at some point as homeschooling is not a legally accepted as an alternative to public schools in Japan. (However it is estimated that up to 5000 families homeschool, this is uncommon) A lot (about 62%) of Japanese schools apparently have a 'special needs' classes and there are about 505 schools focused on educating intellectually disabled students (although I do not know which sort Haruka would've needed as whilst intellectual and development disabilities can be comorbid they aren't the same). Now, if children aged 7-14 don't go to school, their parents receive a fine, but its possible that if Haruka's parents are wealthy, they just paid it to avoid sending him to school. (This might imply they wanted to hide him or were generally ashamed of him in some way) However high school education (for students over 14) is not legally required and its likely that even if Haruka went to elementary/middle school, he hasn't been around people his own age in at least 3 years. As he seems quite lonely and glad that the other prisoners give him attention.

I don't think Haruka's parents are divorced and if they are, its not his father who left. Haruka mentions in the 30 questions that he thinks he disappointed his father. But still includes him as part of his family ("My father and mother and me"). A theory I've seen is that his father was disappointed by his son being disabled and left. but developmental disabilities (especially in non verbal and semi verbal children like Haruka) can be diagnosed before the age of 3, so I feel it is unlikely that Haruka would bring up his father if he left that early in Haruka's life

All MILGRAM prisoners have covered one of DECO*27's older vocaloid songs (DECO*27 is a well known producer who composes the music for MILGRAM) Haruka covered 'Two Breaths Walking' (https://youtu.be/puXLfVWrz2Q) which is about a boy's first relationship and how his mother's jealousy set him up for failure as the relationship becomes toxic (specifically it has some very funny out of context lines like "Whose breasts are you sucking on now?") so yeah, mommy issues: the song (Also: some people say in the song, the boy kills the girl at the end, but this isn't literal, TBW is the first of a trilogy of songs about the same relationship, it is followed by Android girl then Two Breaths Walking: Reloaded and the story resolves with the couple reuniting as adults and getting in the relationship again, although its not necessarily as abusive as before, its still implied to be codependant ending on the line 'We should live like oxygen tanks, sucking breathe from the words each of us exhale, until our last breathe')

In all seriousness, the scene where younger Haruka is walking through the city with his mother but it keeps repeating until older Haruka pulls the younger one away might indicate an attempt to focus the happier memories of his parents (since this is also over the lyrics "Why is it breaking? Tell me why? Please don’t change If I tried and couldn’t say it, You would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”" which depict a worse scene) I think both his parents are still physically present but have become far more emotionally distant, not giving him as much attention, which exacerbates his loneliness from not having any friends his own age to talk to

And if one of his parents did leave? I think its likely his mother since she is shown disappearing out of his reach after the dog-incident (inferring she got angry/disappointed in Haruka anyway) This could also be where he got his necklace from: Its something his mother used to wear (although this is 100% a guess) and that's why its shown to be important to him

This one is just me, but i didn't realise until a rewatch that when Haruka is watching the younger him and the girl running together, the background has fireworks. Haruka mentions fireworks being a key memory to him so I wonder if this was one of the first/last times he got to make a friend...

On three separate occasions in the interrogation, Haruka mentions not liking animals. Despite this, he is depicted as sleeping with a rabbit plush and on his birthday art (I'd include that too but tumblr only allows 10 pictures per post, so here's a link) he is standing next to a giant blueberry and strawberry cake with two bunny themed biscuits at the side. Through my experiences of seeing Japanese fandom art on pixiv, sometimes rabbits are used to insinuate a character is cute and timid in fanart.

Meaningless details: Haruka sleeps with his necklace on; he sleeps on a bed and not a futon; at first I thought he woke up holding his plush's hand but his hand is merely next to the toy; and considering the state of the pillow and blanket, I wonder if he moves a lot in his sleep or if the is just because in this case he seems to be waking up from a nightmare about the dog incident...

Final note: I've spent so many hours writing this I don't remember if i was building up to any big finale or not but I hope you enjoyed reading this! Feel free to add on in the comments/reblogs.

[spectorings]

INCOMING LONG, MAYBE TRIGGERING POST !

Okay, sorry I just need to rant because I’m lost and struggling with sexuality and gender identity and I feel like a fraud. I don’t feel like myself and I honestly don’t know why it’s happening so badly now compared to all the other times over the years. No one needs to read this if they don’t want to, and I’m sorry for tagging this but I kinda feel like I want help but that’s horrible to ask and I hate for even thinking about it but I just don’t know anymore - I might delete , maybe not idk :((

everything triggering will be under the cut but here are the possible

TW - homophobia, gender dysphoria, body dysphoria, depression, general questioning of life / sexuality / and gender, internalised fatphobia??? Idk it’s just a horrible mess and idk what to do with myself lol

So, more recently I’ve been consumed by these thoughts that I just can’t get out of my head, and every time I think about it my heart feels so heavy and it feels like someone is sitting on my chest.

I used to hate the idea of me being bisexual, figuring it out around when I was 17-18 but the thing is, I’m pretty sure I knew from around the age of 10 but I pushed it aside and ignored it for years. I HATED the fact I could be bi, but as I’ve come to accept it, I’ve started realising that I don’t “feel” bi? Awhile ago I started thinking about how I felt more and more and I realised that I only say I’m bisexual for convenience for OTHER people. I like everyone, I like whoever I like, regardless of gender however I don’t feel like I’m Pansexual. So, this opened a whole can of worms of what am I really? How can you not know your own sexuality? I googled and searched for other terms to see if any of them fit how I felt and honestly, I couldn’t find any, I didn’t feel like I fit in with any of the terms. Recently, I started identifying as queer and honestly it feels like home? If that makes sense? It feels like a sexual identity where I don’t have to explain who I like or what I like, it just feels like me. But just when I started really focusing on that, the creeping feelings of how I identify gender wise crept up again, I guess I started thinking WAY too much.

I’ve previously struggled with my gender but never really realised it? I’ve always fantasied about not being me, but I realised a lot of the time it was me imaging a life as a man, rather than a woman. I used to roleplay as male characters, I always found myself identifying more with males than females. It’s been a thing since I was a child, I was always with the boys and always the “tomboy” and I hate being forced to be more girly. Now, when I look it at, I’m not sure how to identify. I don’t feel trans, but I also don’t NOT feel trans? I’ve always went between hating my body to fully ignoring it - similarly how I did when it came to questioning my sexuality. Over the course of a few months I’ve realised that it’s not only me hating the way my body looks because of my weight, or even my height, but because I feel like my body is wrong. It feels like something is missing, and I’m not sure what, but I just know my body isn’t right and I despise it, sometimes I’m just fully repulsed by myself but I always put it down to my weight and whatever else. I don’t exactly feel like a man, but I don’t always feel like a woman. More recently I’ve been feeling like genderless blob (the only way I can describe it) I just feel like I no longer know who or what I am anymore. I know I don’t have to put myself in a box or label myself, labels aren’t needed but I feel like I need to label myself to understand myself for me. I’ve wondered if I’m non-binary, or even gender fluid but truth is, I have no fucking clue. It drives me nuts, I feel empty and like something is missing, I feel like a fraud sometimes, like I’m lying to myself, a dirty and disgusting fake? I really don’t know how to explain it, even to myself I cannot rationalise what I’m feeling. I used to believe when I was younger and a lot less educated that there wasn’t more that 4 gender identities / sexes - male, female, non-binary, intersex. Now of course I think differently, and now I find myself in a spot where I’m not sure how even I identify, do any of those fit me? What am I? Who am I? I don’t know anymore. I wish I could change myself to look however I want, whenever I wanted, but I cannot. I just don’t feel right anymore, it’s something that’s been long ignored and buried by myself and now it feels like it’s bubbling to the surface. I always believed in questioning your sexuality or gender at least once in your life, but I never expected to find myself in the situation of no longer knowing who I am or how I feel. I’ve began experimenting with they/them pronouns but I don’t know if they fit me either, I don’t know what I want anymore and I feel like I’m going crazy. I’m scared that eventually I’ll just figure out I’m cis and I went through these feelings for whatever reason, but I’m more scared to waste my life being inauthentic to myself. I don’t know, I’m sorry if anyone reads this far but I just needed to get this off my chest, I’m open to messages / asks or whatever else if anyone wants to do that but honestly this was just more of a rant for me. I needed somewhere to post this to get it off my chest because I have no one to talk to about this. I’m just being a waste of space lol but like, I might delete this rant idk, kinda push all my feelings down again and not think about this for as long as I can idk idk idk idk idk :))

[serene-victory-77]

Why The Crows Being Teenagers Is Actually Perfectly Realistic

There’s a TL;DR are the end because wow I like to rant.

I lightly discuss the general situations they’re all in to explore how they are frighteningly mature and competent, but it’s not particularly depressing or descriptive, it’s definitely lighter than the books

I thought about this post with a joke first: “People who think that Six of Crows is unrealistic because they’re so young clearly have not spent much time with traumatized honors students.”

It’s a bit of an exaggeration, but the point stands.

But I decided that, hm, actually, I could make a point about this. I totally agree with the aging up of the characters in the Shadow and Bone show, but when people straight up say that the books are wrong or unrealistic for having a young crew, I get annoyed, and here’s why (other than me reading the books for the first time when I was 13 and thinking ‘Huh okay, I see it’ and now being lowkey offended when people say they ignore it for being unrealistic):

On Inej

- At first I thought Inej’s wisdom and general demeanor was one of the most unrealistic things in the book

- When I thought about it longer, I was like “Actually, she’s 16, right? I’ve sent some of the most lyrical philosophy trying to help my friends while in high school. My friends have done the same. It’s valid.”

- Frankly, teenagers love hard-hitting philosophical truths. They love repeating what they’ve read or heard in movies and in books and from family stories. They love sharing little bits of wisdom they have come up with

- Inej’s ability to hear and understand philosophy and wisdom that she was surrounded by for 14 straight years and then sit on it and elaborate it for her friends to understand, or even just to piss them off in Kaz’s case? 

- Teenagers have that. They do it. So, Inej’s Wisdom passes, to me. It’s valid. 

As for her being calm

- You know how everyone jokes that Kaz seems calm on the outside but when you get to his POV he’s like “What the fuck” at the Van Eck house or just straight up “Huh, is this revenge for making tree jokes” at the Djel River thingy in the Ice Court?

- Inej is like that, too. And she gets angry, and she gets confused, or exhausted.

- AKA every quiet kid ever. Like, are you kidding? Have you ever been in a situation in which it’s literally chaos all around you, people are screaming and things are being destroyed (think middle school classroom with bitchy long term substitute and even worse students), and you’re just, calm? You pick up your things, you do what you need to do?

- That’s Inej. Like, what else is she gonna do? She’s smart enough to know that panicking won’t help anyone, and so she just rides it out. Internally she might be like “Why is this happening” but frankly, her being quiet and controlled in most situations is probably a coping mechanism and I respect that

- Pretty sure this is also based on the fact that the Suli have no land for their own and constantly have to keep moving. It might align with generational trauma, I’m sure someone could explain it better than me, but being able to keep your cool while constantly having to change and adapt to new situations, in, say, a country with hellfire politics and no land to call your own? Seems like a hereditary trait that could be useful in Ketterdam, although it’s sad.

On Inej’s abilities

- Simone Biles started training when she was 6 and went to the World Artistic Gymnastics Championships when she was 16, where she qualified in all the events. 

- There are videos of people walking over tightropes as young as three years old. We know Inej didn’t start that young, but not only was she naturally talented at it, but she spent a lot of time practicing. I think it’s valid. Plus, some of her family members do some pretty crazy things in her flashbacks, because that’s the whole point of what they do. 

- Youngest person to beat American Ninja Warrior was 16 year old Vance Walker

- Inej has a variety of of tools that help her wall climb, and while it’s true that she started young and got good really fast, she already had a history of physical work that would help her, and from what we can gleam from the book, a surprising amount of free time in which she was actively encouraged to learn everything she could. 

So that’s Inej! I think her skills are perfectly possible for someone with her history and situation. It’s true that she’s naturally skilled, but that’s not actually all that unusual. And her demeanor and wisdom do fit in with what a lot of teenagers are like and the circumstances she was brought up in

Onto Kaz!

- One thing I hear about is that Kaz is too smart for not having gone to school and also too young to know all that he does

- Do you all KNOW how many self-taught people there have been in this world? The word for people who are self-taught is autodidacts, and honestly a huge amount of famous people apply. Like many, many other people in history (there’s a whole list of them in Wikipedia), he had an vested interest in a field and he learned all he could. Sure, those fields were magic tricks and math, but still.

- Suddenly I have a lot of thoughts

- Okay, think, hyperfixations. That’s essentially what Kaz’s thing with magic tricks was, right? Have any of you ever spent time with an eight year old that clearly really, really loves dinosaurs? Those kids can spout names and facts and identify them by their skeletons and frankly know more than I ever will. Kaz’s was magic tricks. All kids are special.

- Kaz continued working on magic tricks and practicing them for years, so, I think that gets a pass. 

- As for the math! Look, a Fact Of Life is that some kids are just Like That, whether it be possibly from neurodivergence or other factors:

- Flo and Kay Lyman are twins with Autism who basically have the calendar of EVER memorized. Kaz memorizing card decks is sensible, and these ladies don’t need to look up anything to figure it out, so Kaz doing sums inside his head seems plausible. His “photographic memory’ isn’t impossible, although the term itself might be incorrect.

- Katherine Johnson who worked at NASA (yes, the lady from Hidden Figures), was so good at math that she was in high school by age 10 and went to college at age 15. It’s true that she had some teaching, but 1. There’s no evidence Kaz had absolutely no schooling, even if it was just at home with books and 2. Kaz was 9 when he came to Ketterdam, and after Jordie died, when he wasn’t surviving, he was learning. 

- Human calculator is a term that is applied to children a lot and there’s definitely plenty of videos showing how smart these kids are and them doing mental math easily, which he does in the books

- He had a LOT of pressure on him to figure out all he could, and if he wanted to move forward, he was going to have to learn a lot. He spent hours practicing magic tricks, for all we know he spent hours practicing math too. We know Jordie was a bit of a bookworm too, so Kaz from a young age probably already had a reason to learn. Personally, a lot of my love for books was inspired by my older sibling when I was younger

- Young people are adaptable. Kaz is incredibly adaptable. The term prodigy exists because of people like him through history. 

- As for him being rational, there’s no other way to survive. Some of the greatest soldiers in history have been very, very young, and very, very smart. It’s true tacticians are generally considered to be older, but that doesn’t mean there haven’t been very young ones. 

- A lot of the generals I found were like, 19 years old, but Kaz is 1. not a general and 2. in a place where young people take up the mantle really, really quickly, and frankly it’s been like that for a long time. I still think this passes. This isn’t relevant but William the Conqueror was apparently called “The Bastard”?

- Frankly, underground communities of thieves probably don’t go around publishing their escapades so to me it makes sense that I can’t just look up “famous young thieves” and get anything that makes sense, but I did try

- Y’all I tried to do research on youngest escape artists since I think Kaz qualifies and I found myself in what I think is a magicians forum? It’s from 2002-ish and I feel like I’ve just found a relic. I can’t definitely prove they’re all saying the truth, but some of the people there talk about 10-11 year olds at magic camps, so, it’s not impossible for this to be a skill Kaz learned really young, particularly when he made a habit of following around magicians

- I think he passes the realism check overall

For the other Crows:

- Nina being so proficiently multilingual makes sense to me, because she’s been in the Little Palace almost her entire life with all the best teachers they could afford at her disposal. Some people just click with languages. One such would be Timothy Doner, who spoke 23 languages at 16. 

- Nina is a child soldier. She of course can handle the battlefield, although I imagine there’s a degree of trauma that she has to deal with (although it’s true that most of her work was always meant to angle her towards being a spy).

- Jesper was taught to shoot from a young age by Aditi, who was likely incredibly proficient. Plus, there’s mentions of him and his father being on some sort of frontier at one point in the books, so, it’s likely that Jesper got his fair share of ‘being a child soldier” since he would’ve been 15 or younger. Plus, with being a Fabrikator, he gets a leg up

- Jesper’s smart y’all, he just also likes to have fun

- I am a little terrified by the fact that I looked up ‘youngest sharpshooter’ and found out about a 9 year old girl (Addysson “Addy” Soltau) who can indeed shoot guns, but uh, it does prove my point

- Matthias... I haven’t heard anyone really argue about Matthias. He’s the oldest at 18 and again, he’s essentially a religious child soldier. Of course he would be built af and know how to handle himself in a fight, and in a flashback about meeting Trassel, we’re told that he was actually distanced from the other boys and was the biggest and strongest/smartest of the group. Perhaps not compared to Kaz, but still

- We know how Wylan ended up how he is, so I don’t think i have to defend how he’s both a musical prodigy, good at math, and good at chemistry. Plenty of kids who can’t do one thing will immediately gravitate to a different field (think AP math students who can’t write essays, or those kids who could analyse a book and it’s metaphors in class but didn’t understand geometry).

- Granted he took it far but it’s kinda implied that  his father ignored him eventually and what else was Wylan going to do

- I don’t really know how he did chemistry while not being able to read the symbols and stuff, but that’s likely because I’ve never had to learn the way he did and also I really suck at Chemistry, but I refuse to believe that it invalidates his capabilities

Final Thoughts:

- They’re Traumatized Honors Students

- People might say that “it’s unrealistic that all the smart ones somehow ended up together” but again they’re traumatized honors students and those gravitate to each other

- Of course the smart ones ended up together, they’re the ones in those crazy situations precisely because they are prodigies. Nina wouldn’t have met Matthias if she wasn’t skilled and a spy, Kaz wouldn’t have known Inej if she hadn’t been skilled at silence (I can’t explain that one but uh ninjas did/do exist and it IS still a fantasy world). Kaz would have never been a leader of the Dregs in a position to find Jesper if he hadn’t been so determined to rise to the top, and Jesper wouldn’t have been in Ketterdam if his father hadn’t thought that Jesper was smart enough to get that chance.

- You know how those fringe revolutionary artists for new eras end up knowing all knowing each other and even hanging out? That’s them.

- I have decided there is a strong basis for Autistic Kaz, someone who is more studied than me should feel free to explore this.

- I read this book a few years ago, A Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah. It’s about this guy’s experiences as a boy soldier and it’s a painful read so I’m not sure I recommend it as a casual read, but he talked about these young kids being able to actually make competent military strategies and handle warfare. It’s an extreme example of what I’m trying to explain when it comes to them being able to handle the brutality of their situation, but it’s true, essentially

- They are definitely serious, but if you think they’re not teenagers I just, disagree so much. They have moments of lighthearted banter, they make light of their situation, they try to support each other Nina covers it so well in her farewell at the end of Crooked Kingdom: The little rescues of laughing at each others jokes or eating together and just supporting each other, is not only a very human thing, but a very teenager thing. 

- Scary experiences that shape us happen all the time, and although for most it’s not the things that the Crows experience, picking each other up is a big part of why they do read as teenagers to me. I’ve seen kids be able to seriously converse about things like being questioned by the police, or being left to their own devices for days at a time, or the general impending doom they all feel, and it’s dark, but they’re also going to joke about silly puns 20 minutes later. 

- Teenagers aren’t exempt from terrifying maturity and competence

- Finally: Despite all I said, it’s a fantasy story and doesn’t have to be realistic

In the end, everyone can believe what they want to believe, but this is my case for my opinion.

TL;DR The Crows are all prodigies and a lot of their achievements and capabilities are based in reality and there are real people who actually achieved things like what they’ve done. Messed up prodigies gravitate to messed up prodigies, hence how they all end up together. When it comes to their mental state, most of them have been brought up their entire lives in situations that required for them to problem solve and keep their cool even when things are going to hell.