#but it is too much for my neurodivergent brain ;-;

[welcome-to-the-agender-agenda]

Me: *sitting and scrolling through Pinterest*

Brain: We have energy so we have to do something

Me: Why not shower?

Brain: Not enough energy

Me: Read?

Brain: We can't focus

Me: Read fanfiction? You usually love that

Brain: Boring

Me: Watch a movie?

Brain: We can't just watch a movie and not do anything else as well

Me: Draw whilst watching a movie?

Brain: Too tired

Me:

Brain:

Me: Well can I sit here and scroll on my phone?

Brain: No, you have too much energy!

[dolokhoded]

i'm not going to get into whether the gospels were written by who they actually say they're written by, or whoever wrote them knew very well what they were doing, but the way john and matthew write about judas compared to luke and mark is just so...,..,., brb screaming and crying

in luke and mark, who weren't there with the twelve, judas is portrayed as a one dimensional villain, pretty much just there to do the dirty work and then die. with the exception of mark 14:21 (it would have been better for that man if he had not been born) and luke 22:48 ("you betray the son of man with a kiss (because of love)" line), which are both just direct quotes said by jesus, judas doesn't seem to have any emotional significance whatsoever.

but matthew and john were there. matthew and john knew judas, they'd known him for three years at least by that point, he had followed jesus with the rest of them, he was one of them. in john and matthew's writing there is grief, there's something personal in their gospels that makes judas' portrayal biased not because of lack of further knowledge, but because of the way judas' bertrayal affected them.

matthew calls him the betrayer, he keeps reminding us of it, he says judas had been looking for an opportunity to do this. but matthew also writes of his remorse. writing a literal holy text, whether he knew what he was writing at the moment or not, he finds it necessary that people know what happened to judas, that he regretted the betrayal, that he tried to return the money.

and john, we see john try to find an explanation and swing back and forth between saying "oh, yeah, we knew from the start, when judas suggested we sell mary's ointments he didn't care for the poor, he wanted that money for himself" (even though when jesus said that someone will betray him everyone wondered if it would be them, nobody said "well it's clearly that judas guy, he's weird") and "he must've been possesed by the devil he would never do that it was satan".

matthew and john are writing all of that while trying to process the loss of someone that used to be their friend without ever getting any closure. the disciples had all followed jesus together, they'd found something in him but also something in each other. jesus knew everything, he knew judas was going to betray him, he knew his reasoning for it, he understood, he loved him regardless, but for the rest of them it was one second they were all eating together, and the next that he turned on them, and before they could get any explanation for it he was dead.

[notmoreflippingelves]

Favorite Characters

↳ Fred Jones (Scooby Doo franchise)

[angelsdean]

tumblr what does this mean. pls don't do this to me

[good-beans]

.

[kurczakmarty]

I always take it super personally when people say they hate Shane because I feel like that character got me through like the first years of my twenties.

[twilight-good-yall-dumb]

Sometimes I feel like we don't talk enough about the romance of being perceived. For me at least, it is the ultimate form of romance. When somebody is so utterly infatuated with somebody that they can't help but notice all the intricacies of them...??? YES! I've started to notice how much I crave that and how much I adhere to it in my writing. So many of my favorite love songs are the kind where somebody just lists things they've noticed about the person they love. And when this happens in a book or a movie or any kind of story???? Kill me! Like literally put me down because I've gone rabid!!!! When the love interest points out the MCs endearing nervous habit, when they comment on the color of their hair in the sun, when they talk about how much they love the sound of their voice, etc etc etc!!! Like to be loved is to be perceived, to be observed, to be paid attention to! That is adoration!!! Y'all don't get it because you want the grand gestures and the sex and the expensive dates and the Instagram face sexy looks, blah blah blah! I just want for people to dissect and discover the person they love and to find endearment in all that makes them! It's so GOOD!

[vodid]

yall ever experience a love for something so great that it literally hurts. like it feels like your brain is gonna explode. screaming crying throwing up except it feels like that's actually going to happen. bc you're experiencing so much emotion

because that's me with bay jazz. again. help. he has an autistic grip on me

[trickstergemini]

im a narcissist not because i think im better than anyone else but because i learned to switch off my empathy early on in my childhood as a defense mechanism for constantly being bombarded with high standards and (mostly religious) guilt by my cold and distant mormon mother and instead focus attention and praise on myself because it was never truly given to me when i was younger and i just think the world is not ready to hear that

[the-yearning-astronaut]

.

[ifwebefriends]

I love how my dad has anxiety and my mom probably has adhd and I have anxiety and probably adhd so they give me very specific advice that works well for them because they probably have one thing without the other

[oediex]

There's a text in my phone that I've been ignoring. An invitation. Dinner. This weekend. It's been there for four days and I haven't replied. This is not the week for it.

We haven't seen each other in a while, and the message is kind, the reaching out welcome. Friendship is desired. But this is not the week for it.

I like food and I like dinner. They've recently moved and I wouldn't have to go far. I haven't left my house for four days. This is not the week for it.

I figure out the problem. Dinner is overwhelming. It requires looking at someone's face, into their eyes, where too much is going on. A walk will be better. Next week.

[theflannelwizard]

Oops, I lied about sending all my questions in one, I thought of an actually specific question and not just a super general one five seconds after sending the ask:

Do you have any neurodivergent hcs for Buster and Gob(or other characters if you hc anyone else as neurodivergent)?

This is such a good question!! Okay!! It got long so I'm putting it under the cut, but TLDR: undiagnosed comorbid autistm and ADHD for both of them plus ADHD Tony Wonder :) I forced myself not to get into it with the rest of the Bluths cause this post would be a mile long but i did put cursory thoughts about them in the tags. All of this is spitballing and I'm definitely open to hearing other opinions!

Whatever is going on with Buster’s brain is the same thing that’s going on with my brain, so most likely ADHD and/or autism but DEFINITELY undiagnosed. None of the Bluths have the diagnoses they need and if someone (Tobias) tries to so much as allude to them being neurodivergent in front of George Sr. and/or Lucille it gets shut down immediately.

Anyway Buster reads more autistic than ADHD to me but it could be either or both. He has trouble reading other people’s emotions and regulating his own, he’s “strange” and “childish” in ways that are direct responses to how he was raised but also just read as neurodivergent, he’s got safe foods and takes things literally and has no clue how to read social cues and stims and gestures vaguely at all of him is just so very ND. Also the thing with ADHD-havers being randomly struck with bouts of guilt or self loathing? I think that’s him. ADHD was recently reclassified as an anxiety disorder, too, which we know full well is Buster, and it would not surprise me if his panic and anxiety attacks were brought on by sensory overload and RSD and other ADHD things at least some of the time.

As for GOB, I think he’s got the same deal but he reads more ADHD than autistic. I think they both have both but it presents differently in each of them. I’m fully on board with both magic and bees being special interests for that man, and he also just moves and talks and interacts with people in a very neurodivergent way. The stuttering when he’s overwhelmed is, to me, adjacent to (if not straight up being) him going nonverbal. He definitely has RSD too, look at how devastated he is when anyone rejects him ever. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he was bipolar, getting manic when he’s really into a project and then falling into depression for weeks or months at a time.

And, just as a bonus, I think Tony Wonder has ADHD. He recognizes it in GOB and helps him with learn to function in a healthier happier way and his siblings are so confused cause GOB just magically started getting more normal?? Except it’s not magic (and it’s not an illusion lmao) it’s just coping mechanisms. Tony’s been collecting them from various therapists for like 30 years. He has no clue how anyone in this family thinks they’re neurotypical.

[traumacodedtransbitch]

Sometimes, I wonder why I say things. I feel like a child in an adult's body. I wish I was normal.

[meat-pvppet]

just remembered an old post i made (or maybe someone else made it i dont remember) about the moonscorches and like "haha what if they were all just vibing and living together in prehevil after everything like a sitcom" and now im thinking about how thatd go for the Prisoner (elias' moonscorch)

[aeiousomehugs]

Ah, Neurodivergency~

me: i had trouble falling asleep last night. i felt restless.

dad: were you trying

me: [internal sigh]

my dady: have you tried counting backwards from 100?

me: yes, and that didn't work bec-

dad: you have to [ngl i kinda zoned out but it was pretty much "it has to be the only thing you focus on"]

-

[me immediately after getting ready and trying to count back from 100]

100 - Wait, how does 1 connect to two 0s? 1 and 0 would connect by being consecutive, but with two 0s, the relationship changes... is 0/0 = 0 or 1? i gotta look this up after. how about if it makenit a word problem? how many times does 0 fit into 0? well 1 right? but if the requirement is nothing how does it contain a whole? ok let me try a different wording. i have no parts to fit into no parts, i have no parts? well that sounds like 0...

ugh 99 - cool, i like 99, you can put so many 3s in there. how many 3s-OK BUT WHat is 0/0!*

-! i need to get out of the shower, or we'll be late!

[drying off] if infinity divides by infinity, thats a lot of numbers to think about

[getting dressed] i love that infinity and zero are the same and opposites thats a cute relationship

[leaves bathroom]

me: i tried the counting thing guess what i got to

dad: dont tell me you got to like 84 or 88 or something?**

me: i got to 99, but i went back to 100 because [i explain 0/0 dilemma]

dad[kinda angry]: you gotta try staying on task. It's the first step any you do it with everything, this is why youbget stuck

--

listen at first i was really mad bc adhd isnt something i can turn off, i dont even really notice im doing it AND even if i do notice, its usually something fun and hard to find reasons to stop. whats the harm?

typing it out though does make me a little concerned but im still on the "its fun" page. i have tried anti anxiety meds and that made my thoughts less dense, it was hell. my brain was empty and everything still took equally as long i just felt more alone.

* you can fit 6 3s in two 9s, and 6x3 is 19, which is 9x2! isn't that cool! omg, and 9+2 is 11! which! 9x11! 99!

** he said two numbers with fun 4 relationships