#but it was hours after i finished eating
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🩷💛💚💜
#emu gets 2 birthday arts becaus ei Lauv her.#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#emu otori#proseka#wxs#Youcan tell when i pist at 1am bc i cant think of a caption. WAUUUUUUUGH I NEVER FINISH DRAWINGS IN TIME FOR BIRTHDAYYYYS#ignore the other one i did. that was a group thing. so it was eaiser. also it was like a redraw of last years#sorry 4 drawing this for hours after class instead of my assignment i have to hand in at 2pm tomorrowww in my defence its mostly doneee#I GOT HER BIRTHDAY CARD ON MY FIRST 10 PULL. ANNIVERSARY SET BE NICE TO ME. NENE LIM BE NCIE TO ME.#kind of mad as hell bc i like how the unrendered version of this looks MORE i overrender things snd i dont likeeee it#Falls flat on my face and eats concrete. whatever. THE NEW CARDS ARE CUTE haruka clocking in at her fulltime ikemen job#i wish her outfit was a bit more interesting like streetwear esque or smth.. i love her csrd but the outfit is like#the same as 100 other prepass outfits. i like the direction the flyer cards went in. kohanes outfit in that is cute and unique but simple.#Krsekai gets all of the cool outfuts jpsekai keeps implementing the same skirt + sweater combo and suit. Come on#I LOVE THE RECENT KRSEKAI PREPASS IUTFITS OK. NENE LOOKS LIKE S LITTLE GNOME. IM OBSESSED. I NEED TO DRAW THEM#i need to draw other things though. Sorry.
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eulogy
#i was fully going to just wrangle my way through life for another 39 years when my friend said to me:#you are gay and we want you to submit art for the pride art show. but i hasn’t drawn at all since last year so i made a new comic from scr#i was also having one of the worst times of my life all of the past week but every night after sobbing into a friends shoulder or wtv#i’d sit down and draw. and then today i locked myself in the basement for 5#hours and now he is finished. trans allegory or whatever#happy pride#world is horrible so hold the people you love close#i am trying . succeeding? not really but definitely trying#i have gone now through the 5 stages of grief. 1) eat food 2) eat food 3) hit rock 4) hit rock 5) give up#i Give Up. i give up by living my life without giving a fuck#which is like. actually giving down. or taking away down#idk anyway#i hope you’re well i’m HANGING ON BY A THREAD. BUT A GOOD THREAD#and to my lgbsbfk homies: i love you#my art
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i have very low expectations for the winchesters finale but thanks to robbie thompson being showrunner, i think it’s fair to have slightly higher expectations than normal. so anyways, a good finale to me would contain at minimum the following components:
1) dean appearing for at least 5 min of screen time total over the course of the finale
2) dean’s alive or trying to get out of heaven and be alive
3) dean mentions he’s either trying to find cas, get cas out of the empty, or makes it clear cas is present in his thoughts in some way—bonus points if he calls cas by name instead of his friend or an angel
4) the finale doesn’t end on a cliffhanger because the chances of it getting renewed for a second season are slim to none so that would suck to be left hanging
4) carlos and lata don’t die because we need to stop having poc die for pointless reasons, esp since there’s a possibility they won’t ever be brought back if there’s no season 2
i think these are all fair and reasonable requests for this finale and i’m hoping it’ll instead surprise me by being even better
anyway back to putting my clown make-up on 🤡
#boredombabbles#the winchesters#spnwin#if cas appears for even 2 sec ill be ecstatic but i dont think he will#i have zero expectations for destiel-anything other than dean mentioning him#tragically i wont be able to watch the finale live because nursing school#im gonna try to time my break so that i can hop onto tumblr somewhere in the middle of the ep#im not worried about spoilers#frankly if something good happens in the finale that’ll make me more invested in watching it#also if anyone has a link to a site where the episode might get uploaded quickly (like an hour or two after it airs)#i would be so grateful 🥲#i wont make it home until an hour after it finishes and i gotta shower and eat before doing anything
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im on vacation how can i make this about the murder time trio. mtt fresh out of a flight and the minute that they leave the airport dust stops horror and killer for the smoke break. because being around a smoker is like that. and while horror is dying and coughing from the cigarette smoke and killer is pretend coughing to make dust feel terrible theyre both simultaneously roasting the shit out of dust for being such an addict smoker. cancer speedrun GO says horror. refreshing his signature smell says killer. dust just glares at them and blows smoke in their face (horror literally takes damage he's at 0.7 HP)
#killer ended up liking that btw. he later asked for dust to extinguish the cig on him. freak#this is absolutely based on my own personal experience#only a person who knows a smoker knows how annoying it is when they take smoke breaks everywhere#car rides are TAINTED by dust having to smoke. eating out is interrupted because dust gets up every 15 minutes to smoke#his bones are a dusty color but not because of the dust but because the smoke has turned them gray from the inside out#i'll need to figure out the right time to post this but the mtt grind never stops even while inter nations ‼️‼️‼️#i MUST relate every single thing i do to the mtt. a similar situation just happened to me like 15 minutes ago#im in germany oui oui or something idk#i cannot wait to come up with a bunch of travel related mtt headcanons this is gonna be so fun#the only fun i'll have during this trip is the imaginary characters in the head i sound delusional#delusional??? like like like horror sans. like like dust sans. is killer delusional. probably idk#update on horror character analysis: i finished some of it on the flight but smh#UNFORTUNATELY i have a human body so i needed to sleep so thats 4 hours wasted on NOT mttmaxxing#and it turns out i REALLY shouldve pre translated time to go mad so i could localize it on a flight with no internet#yeah i didn't think that one through. but at least i got parts of the analysis done WITH NO MUSIC. im a god#since Mad Time Series was so eye opening and fun to translate i cant WAIT to see what Time to Go Mad will be like#calvateyla after being canon dusttale's lord and savior. even after not posting on ask dusttale for years they still manage to surprise me#i almost lost my apple pencil during the flight i swear i was tweaking out#how can i connect this to the mtt#how can i make EVERYTHING about the murder time trio#3 is my favorite number. K D H are my favorite letters. when i see a knife i think of killer when i see a hood i think of dust when i see#mtt brainrot goes hard just like me. im hard. fortunately not like like an erection the mtt brainrot never goes away#top ten most outrageous triglycercule statements#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#tricule hc
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GUYS. GUYS GUESS WHO'S FINALLY GONNA BE SEEING THE ABCK 5O TUE FUTURE MUSICAL IN JANURAYR
#AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#MY PARENTS AND I ARE GOING TO CELEBRATE MY 21ST#I'M SCREAMINGGG I'VE BEEN VIBRATING EVER SINCE MY MOM SAID YES A FEW HOURS BACK#AND WE'RE GONNA GET ORCHESTRA PIT SEATS TOO??!??!?!?!?!?!#SHJFKJWJSJCJJEIWIDHCBJWUDJWODBJCJEIEJFNG#we're gonna be seeing the touring one and not the broadway one#so we sadly won't get to bear witness to the absolute icon that is roger bart :/#BUT STILL#IT'S GONNA BE SO INSANE#(and maybe someday we'll get to see the broadway performance with roger cause that'd be the DREAM dude)#I'M SERIOUSLY . OVWR THE MOON RIGHT NOW#HAVE BEEN FOR THE PAST FEW HOURS#I'M GETTING THE TICKETS AFTER I FINISH EATING IM SO HYPED#GUYS. I'M FINALLY GONNA SEE IT#AFTER ALL THIS TIME#WOOHOOOOOOKGJFJJF!!!!!!!*&!^!%#RAAAAARRRGHHHGGHGG 💥💥💥💥💥#I'M GOING SO CRAZY RIGHT NOW.#EXPECT ME TO BE VERY NOT NORMAL ABOUT BTTF IN THE COMING DAYS ESPECIALLY#sam says things#back to the future the musical#bttf the musical#back to the future#bttf
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Woke up from my little power outage nap and couldn’t even manage to eat a full box of macked cheese, grad school will fuck you up for life kids, do it at your own risk.
#my stuff#i don’t like to admit it but i’ve developed a complicated relationship with food#i’m a rational person i know food is important and i feel hunger and when i do i want to eat#but due to the hassle of meal prep and my tight finances i basically only eat one meal a day at the end and use coffee to power through#often until like 6pm#which i know is not good in a general or transition sense#and when i was first starting to fall into this pattern i would eat A TON at night to make up for it#but sometime during my grief in march n april i developed#a psychological difficulty with finishing food. like executive dysfunction and insecurity hoarding combined#and also i sometimes get nauseous midway through eating#or rapidly feel full after being doubled over from hunger cramps and then hungry again an hour later#and above all else it’s annoying bc its subconscious or physiological and it makes it hard to overcome#and even if i was provided 3 meals a day i’d probably struggle to stomach eating that freq in any significant amount#i feel like when my stomach is empty it tries to quasi hibernate until last minute and then goes ravenous#much like me emotionally but that’s a different tag rant#anyways another complication is ‘sleep for dinner’ right when i get home which fucks up my eating AND sleep schedule#all this bullshit when i’m a scientist who has taken metabolism classes and knows my body is getting wrecked from this#so i’m guilty as fuck abt it🙂↕️
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trigger warning. do not read if you dont want to read something triggering.
#my bf is a fucking rapist#i told him i didnt want to have sex again because it was getting late and i have work tomorrow#and he usually takes a long time to finish after round 1 so i didnt want to stay up an extra hour#and he started manipulating me and pleading and saying he loved me and i dont know why i capitulated but#the fact that i said ok after 10 no's?#and i was crying#i was crying while i sucked his dick and while he fucked me#and he told me to struggle more because he found it hot#he thinks rape is hot#and after he joked about being a good manipulator and being able to get me to disregard my boundaries#which is true#but like he knows im an abuse survivor and have trouble with boundaries#the fuckdd up thing is he was the one who taught me to have boundaries#he told me to tell my mom to eat a dick when shes egging on my eating disorder#he told me i didnt have to stick around when my mom was calling me slurs for breaking dishes or failing classes#and here he is being proud that he managed to get through an abuse victims boundaries#he also joked about waking up to the cops at his door#which like shows that deep down inside he knows what he did is wrong#and if i wasnt such a cool girl i could get him into trouble#not like cops here persecute rape anyways but#i pretended to like it after the fact because i still needed him to take me home and i didnt wanna start a fight#but holy shit#idk what to do...#i mean im going to leave him fuck the trip#im shaking i dont even know how ill be able to go to work tomorrow#when this whole thing was over me wanting to get a reasonable amount of sleep on a work night#misiabear rants
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guess who fought god and won againnnnnnnnn…..?
#somehow my truly unhinged plan of finishing a lab and two essays after work three days in a row fucking worked?????#so tomorrow i get to go birding and just enjoy it????????#WILD.#i MAY have to make some revisions on my chemistry essay but that will be a MINOR event#the bulk of everything is done#and tbh my professor has been ignoring my pleas for help all week - so most likely i’ll just end up turning it in as is#(and taking her ass to Dispute Court if she tries to give me a low score after not helping when i asked for it)#but i’m just glad it’s all DONE#i even worked ahead a little for next week which i have not had time to do in a WHILE#and now i’m just lying in bed :)) eating grapes :))#had a successful program today… STILL might be getting promoted… it’s an entire HOUR before midnight#life is GOOD man…#i mean. there are still Issues to be sure#but i’m pushing through it - i’m making it work#i’m eagerly awaiting the time where things Stop Happening for a bit#but for now - i can take it#i can take it all
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to celebrate me being free from the curse ( academic responsibilities ) I'm making vegetable soup!
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adhd is funny bc i have been 15 crying bc i couldnt focus my attention for more than 10 minutes and now nearly a decade has past and im still doing the exact same thing
#nyx talks shit#hate pulling all nighters and not even getting to have fun#but i cant finish anything on a deadline otherwise#first of all. u cant start until there r less than 24 hours left#then u gotta cry after every 5 minutes bc ur mind would rather eat shit than have a single coherent train of thought#thenn u gotta pull smth out of ur ass and go with it which at least u can do bc improv comes easy#sometimes it rlly feels like a cycle and im tired of it#adhd#actually adhd
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anyway How Great Thou Art is SUCH a song of all time
#gonna be okay i think.#gonna drive home now#and then buckle down to ??? several hours probably. working on my assignment. at least. i need to finish the first question completely and#if i have to leave the other one and hope i get it done in the time i might or might not have before going out for the evening after an AM#shift- then i shall#and ultimately? i'll eat the 5%. if i have to. and handle it friday instead#i am SO ready for this placement to be over honestly. i love it but also i cannot handle much more. i need a break.
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anthony bourdain was right. popeye's mac n cheese is out of this world
#got sent to a fire yesterday afternoon after sitting on a different fire all day#we were one of the first crews on scene so everything was still burning and trees were torching out#the wind was against us and we ate a lot of smoke I probably have several fewer brain cells now#but we got to watch the sunset through the smoke and see the moon rise over the flames#and then we cut a shitton of fireline by headlamp and got done at 1 AM#and then rolled into a nearby meadow and sprawled out our gear and slept for a couple hours too tired to even eat an MRE#and then woke up this morning and went and finished securing the line. my back hurts#anyways we're in a hotel tonight and there's a popeyes nearby and this mac n cheese is everything I've ever dreamed of
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Well. For the first time since like, christmas, I have not cooked and eaten a single one of my meals. And I still ate 3 whole meals. Cause I'm awesome like that.
#I was travelling ok? sue me#I PLANNED to eat breakfast at home#but my sleepy ass finished making oatmeal 5 minutes before the uber was supposed to pick me up#and I couldn't finish it that quickly#so train station pan au chocalat and iced tea it is#then I got lunch at the station after coming back#and I just ordered pizza because I got like 2-4 hours of sleep last night and have been up since 4 fucking AM#cause in all my genius I decided to schedule an appointment in london at EIGHT IN THE GODDAMN MORNING#when I live like 2 hours away#and have severe “missing my train” anxiety#cause I'm a fucking idiot like that#ramblings#I survived#and I'm gonna get pizza#so all is well#tbh eating three things a day is better than my usual eating habits#(normally I go with 2) + a snack#but shhh don't tell the little senshi that lives in my head that#it's not healthy#I'm just lazy and hate making lunch
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I had yet another long, strenuous day yesterday and didn't finish work until super late and then I couldn't fall asleep until well past 2am cuz I was in so much pain from standing literally all day
#what made it worse was the client I spent most of my day with was a brand new client. and she booked super last minute#so I wasnt mentally prepared for doing a 5 hour color. and her natural hair was already pretty light so I had to foil foil foil. go back.#pull out first couple foils. foil foil foil. go back. pull out the next few.#over and over and over.#and her hair was so fucking long. and so fucking thick.#and after the first hour she wouldn't talk. like I like my silence so I don't fight it much#but every now and then I would try to engage with her. I'd say something and she would straight up ignore me. no acknowledgment.#which makes me feel anxious cuz it's like jesus... does she hate me?? did I piss her off somehow?#even when I finished her hair (it looked fucking amazing no lie. one of my best highlights yet.) she had next to no reaction to it#she was like 'it looks fine. I mean good. it's good.' completely deadpan#I laughed it off and was like yeah it's been a long day girl! but it looks amazinggg on you!!#no response. deep inhale. alright.#whatever tho.#when I did finally get off work I stopped @ bojangles cuz I was lightheaded and hadn't eaten since morning#and when I tell you I almost broke down into tears cuz there were so many people crowding the goddamn pickup area.#and so many bizarre conversations going on. genuinely felt like I was in some form of hell#like my feet hurt. my back hurts. I'm tired. I didn't get the validation I like to have over a 5 hour transformative color.#I'm hungry and there are two elderly women blocking the pickup counter. one is hard of hearing so she keeps yelling HUH???#and the other only speaks in soft baby whispers. that goes as well as you can imagine.#there's a man behind me grilling an employee abt whether or not he goes to church. he starts witnessing to him#and the employee says 'I've never thought about it like that before' no less than 4 times.#there's a child in front of me playing tiktoks @ full volume. and this is all happening simultaneously.#I really considered just leaving without my food but I knew I needed to eat and didnt have anything at home so I stuck it out#was it worth it? no. bojangles honestly sucks these days but what's a girl gonna do.#got home and tried to pass out but nope. tossed and turned all night.#put on hot n cold patches to try to soothe the pain a little. didn't work cuz one pain would be eased a bit and another pain would take over#blahhhhhh#and now. I get to do it all over again! yippeeeeeee!!!!!!!!
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Pretty people, prolonged fasting isn't good for you
#(please dont scold me im about to go eat)#hasnt eaten anything in more than 12 hours and is dying#BUT thank god the bestie told me last night to buy a juice box and i did that shit gave me enough energy to survive till now#and soon im gonna have breakfast<3#LOOK I USUALLY GET DINNER AFTER LIKE 10PM I WASNT HUNGRY UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE#AND I DIDNT HAVE COINS TO BUY SOMETHING ON THE MACHINE SKILL ISSUE ON MYSELF#im fine imma finish gettin ready and go eat something <3#my last meal was.... at like 4 yesterday...? so... like... 15 hours ago? damn...#putting it into perspective it is a long time... damn...
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(probably gonna delete this later idk)
So this isn't Q S M P related but I need to scream into some uncaring void about this so
But I just spent MUCH longer on a project than I really should have (because life is a bitch and chooses the worst times to decide to kick you in the nonexistent dick) and WAY too much of said project was some very tedious nonsense
Like not difficult, but irritating and time-consuming. Basically arranging things in a way to look more coherent in a project file
And of course, I finish it, I get it all done, but decide to add one last part, and subsequently place it where it needs to go
Only to accidentally click on the wrong button
And find out
That there's been a shortcut to this thing I've been doing
This entire goddamn time
LITERALLY mere moments after finishing the project
If anyone needs me,
Don't
#not QSMP#Just cause#I had joked with my cat a few hours before because I was tired and my back was hurting#“Just kill me Nolan you can do it I believe in you aim for the jugular”#And when this happened I actually looked at him and said#“Why didn't you kill me when I asked you son of a bitch”#“This could have all been avoided”#But cats simply aren't beholden to your silly little jokes#Nor are they beholden to mine#I have worked for 7 hours straight#Fueled on nothing but Dr Pepper#roasted potatoes#ritalin#and apathy#I'm lucky I even remembered to eat#And I still have to finish up one last thing on it tomorrow#After a doctor's appointment#And an apartment viewing#If my cat doesn't kill me in my sleep then goddammit what was even the point in getting a cat#I'm gonna go fist-fight a raccoon or something now#I just can't think of anything else to do#delete later#maybe#Idk man it's 5 in the morning for me
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