#but it’s actually late to look for work starting next academic year

[doctorweebmd]

in other news tomorrow is match #3 for me and I suicide ranked only my home program. So.

[caitlinclarkluver22]

~ Please Please Please ~ P.B a fanfic ( sfw)

inspired by the song by sabrina carpenter

pov: smart!fem! reader x player! paige bueckers

an: so this is my first paige bueckers fanfic, the intros kinda long, but i think it came out pretty good, but there is gonna multiple parts to this, so just let me know if you’d like another one.

remember blue is flashback and purple is lyrics!!

warnings: mention of alcohol, cheating, lying, and mention of sex

“ i know i have good judgment, i know i have good taste. it’s funny and it’s ironic that only i feel that way.”

you’re a senior in college at uconn, your mostly known for being the smartest person in your classes, never failing one grade, getting higher than a 90 at all times, 85 on your bad days.

you were in calculus, to you it was light work. you didn’t really need to study often, having amazing memory and overall good attention span in class.

since you already completed 2 years of college in highschool, having your associates degree, you were already looking forward to getting your bachelor’s degree this year.

————————————————————————

you were collecting your stuff of the desk, putting it in you book bag, ready to go take a break from the series of classes you had just taken.

as you were walking out of the room, you heard someone call your name.

it was your teacher, professor zamora.

“ hey, your the one with all the good test scores right?” , he asked knowing but just wanted to make sure, to ask for a favor.

“ yes…. i am”, you shyly responded, a little nervous at the sudden attention.

“ okay good, so since you have the best grades in the class right now, i was wondering if you were free for another class period.”

free? another class period? what is he trying to imply? i know i might look naive and small, but I’m not stupid to know what men want. i am lesbian after all. although i had my suspicions, i trusted my professor.

“ yes i actually am. why professor?”

“ great! i was just wondering because my next class period is algebra, and….lets just say ive had them for a few years now…anyways, they need help. just pick the one you want and you can tutor them.” , he said praying that she would agree.

although she did have a break for the next two hours, she could spend one of them helping someone, it’s the right thing to do.

“ yes of course! i’m willing to tutor anyone that needs my help.”, you say enthusiastically, ready to help people be the best they could be.

“ great! just come back in around 30 minutes, and by then they should be here.”, your professor said, thankful for your help.

“ okay i got you.” , you said walking out of class, going to grab a bite to eat.

————————————————————————

after the short thirty minutes pass by, you start walking back to the class, praying that this goes well.

as you make your entrance through the door, you see a familiar face.

shes a blonde, tall, blue eyed girl walking to her desk, a purple nike elite backpack on her back (that looks fairly empty ), and a slow sluggish walk .

you could tell who it was from a mile away, it was paige bueckers.

THE paige bueckers.

you noticed her since in your free time u went to go watch the basketball games, cheering for your favorite player on the team, paige obviously. although you went to almost every game, you went unnoticed by her, standing in the back of the crowd just admiring how she played.

you weren’t a mega fan.

you totally didn’t scroll on tiktok, looking and saving the edits you’d find. damn she’s so attractive…

‘ah ah ah, no liking her. she’s in algebra. she’s obviously not smart, not to be mean of course. just observing.’ , you think to yourself as you look around the room, waiting for everyone to take their seats.

it wasn’t only about academics. paige was also known for hopping around from girl to girl, you know this since a couple of your friends had their fair share of dating her.

you were awoken late at night by a loud knock at your door. who could be awake this late?

as you opened the door, you came to a sad sight.

there your friend, lilly, was crying at your doorstep.

she was sobbing, her eyes swollen , puffy, and red due to the amount of uncontrollable tears.

you knew what…or should i say who this was about.

over the course of 2 months, your friend was on and off with her situationship, paige. lilly didnt know wether her and paige were a thing or not, she never knew what paige’s next move would be, little did she know that her next move would be completely ghosting her and pretending like she didn’t exist.

“ i just- i just don’t know what i did wrong. i mean i bought her things, i spent time with her, i supported her at all her games. every single one. how could i be so stupid? i’m literally one of the smartest people in this whole college and im not smart enough to realize that a girl is totally playing me.” , she sobbed grasping onto you like her life depended on it.

“ it’s okay lilly it’s okay, you deserve better.”

although lilly was your friend, karmas a bitch, she should’ve known better, if she had a wish, she would’ve never fucked around with paige ( LMAOOO ).

lilly, yes got hurt, but she was a bad person. in her past she was known for cheating, lying, and stealing. well stealing other people’s hearts of course. she would talk to them, make them fall in love, then drop them after they bought her a gift of some sort.

another one of your well known friends, keisha, always hooked up with paige. whenever paige was bored, she’d text keisha a good “ u up?” late night text , and keisha would be at her dorm room in no time, ready to have good sex.

of course, they weren’t your friends anymore, you realized soon after that lilly was a bad influence since she lied and cheated, while keisha was just to influenced in alcohol and hook up culture.

in essence, this girl was bad news, and she only liked the bad girls, so you’d obviously have to stay far far away from her….

————————————————————————

“ so how do you find x if you don’t have y?”

fuck my life.

“ paige, it’s not that hard. really. i learned this shit in seventh fucking grade, and you can’t get it. look let me show you….again.”, you said irritably, getting impatient by the second. you felt like you’ve taught her over a thousand times.

you guys were in her dorm, on her purple comforter, you were trying to teach her the literal easiest shit ever, and she couldn’t comprehend it. ugh she’s like a toddler.

“ so to find out x i have to add y and…what again?”

kms.

“ UGHHH paigeeeee”, you said, hands in your hair , frustrated with the stupidity this girl had. how could she be so smart on the court, yet so dumb when it came to math?

“ please, i need help, if i don’t pass this then i can’t play basketball. and we both really know how much i love basketball. it’s my everything. please?”, she said, her player facade fading away, showing her true and vulnerable self.

ugh those eyes….

“ …one more time paige. just try your best to get it. concentrate.”

paige nodded and smiled at her, looking down at the paper to attempt to grasp the information that she had trouble with.

————————————————————————

“ I ACED IT”, paige screamed, jumping up and down.

“ REALLY?”, you said eyes wide.

“ YES YES YES, omg i’m so happy right now!”, paige said , her eyes showing the pure raw excitement paige had.

paige then unexpectedly embraced you in a hug, it catching you off guard, but nonetheless, you hugged back.

if you knew the hug was wrong…..why did it feel so right?

you guys stood there for a solid minute, embracing eachother. you inhaled, smelling the sweet scent she radiated.

“ okay well i gotta go”, you said, sad knowing that this would be the last time that u had an excuse to spend time with her.

“ yea- um same.”, she said, giving u a slightly forced smile.

as you were walking away , sadness filling ur heart, u heard someone shout your name.

it was paige.

“ hey um, what about i take you to dinner?..you know just to thank you for all the work you’ve done to help me of course.”, she said with a hopeful look, her bright blue eyes illuminating like the pacific ocean.

how could i say no to those eyes?

“ um..you know what…yea of course. tommorow at 9 sounds good?”, you said , happier than you’d like to admit.

“ i promised’em that your different, and everyone makes mistakes. but just don’t.”

“ i’m telling you, you shouldn’t surround yourself around her, she’s a bad influence! she literally broke your ex friends hearts! both of them! paige isn’t a good girl to fall in love with.”, dominique one of your most recent friends said, stressed out about your love life right now.

“ i mean, she asked me out to dinner…”

“….she what? don’t tell me you said yes…”

“ i said yes.”

————————————————————————-

“ don’t bring me to tears when i just did my makeup so nice.”

you finished up your final touches in your makeup, when u got a text message.

pb and j

hey pretty girl

i’m here

i’m going.

as you came out your dorm, paige was there at your door checking her breath, startled by your sudden appearance, she smiled awkwardly, bringing up lego roses to your face.

how did she know that i didn’t like real flowers? and that i love legos?

your heart warmed at the sight, smiling at her, full teeth on display.

“ thank you paige, you shouldn’t have, really.”, you said, almost feeling bad that she spent money on you that she shouldn’t have.

“ no no no it’s my pleasure honestly.” , she said with a grin, sighing , relieved that you liked the gift.

“ let’s get going?”, you said.

“ whoever is last is the rotten egg!”, she yelled loudly, before running down the hall making her way down the stairs.

————————————————————————

“i heard your an actor, so act like a stand-up guy. whatever devils inside you, don’t let him out tonight.”

they’re at the restaurant, it’s way fancier than you expected. the waiter sat you guys down, and now both of you are looking at the menu.

when the waiter comes back, both of you agreed on chicken alfredo, and both of you got dr. pepper.

you guys start making conversation, talking about the things you didn’t know about eachother , and your goals in life.

————————————————————————

as you guys finished with your delicious meal, you decided that it was time to leave and go home. it was getting late after all.

as both of you walked out, the moon shining bright on your faces, the date unfortunately coming to an end, you guys talked a bit more, laughing at eachother jokes.

“ well that was fun.”, paige said, laughing, her teeth as bright as the stars.

“ yea it really was…”, you say with a smile on your face that couldn’t be removed no matter how hard you tried. a smile so permanent that it ached.

you guys gazed into eachothers eyes, her eyes taking a trip down to your lips, slowly bringing them back to your eyes once again.

“ paige i-“

you got cut off by paige, as she brought her lips to yours, sealing the night in a fond memory of the kiss you shared, the kiss that was between the two of you.

after a while, you opened your eyes and looked at her. she had her goofy smile on, looking at you with….i think love…? no couldn’t be. just lust.

“ um we should do this again. “

say no say no.

“ yes of course”, you said with a smile.

“ okay well…see you later. i’ll text you! “, paige said as she back peddled to her car, winking at you, before running to the vehicle .

god she’s such a goof.

as you got in your car, you only had one thought while having your head on the wheel, thinking about all the occurrences that had happened over the past few months. even though you knew it might end up bad, you couldn’t help but think…

please please please, don’t prove em right.

————————————————————————

WOOHOOO I FINISHED IT DONT PLAYYY!!! i was literally working on this for hours and my friend dominique was helping me with it too( literally love her )!! anyways hope you enjoy and make sure to lmk if yall want a second part or not!!! 💕💕 sorry if it’s bad ik i misspelled a couple i think and definitely misworded but not so bad to the point where you won’t get it. LOVE YAAA!!!💕

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA For discouraging my friend from exploring paganism?

I (20X) have been a Norse pagan for years. It's something I engage with both as a very serious religion and as an academic field of study. It's a special interest of mine as well.

My roommate and dear friend (21F) is a former Pentecostal Christian (something she's coming to terms with being a traumatizing experience for her). She's never had an issue with me practicing, I have a small altar in the living room, she doesn't mind celebrating my holidays with me. But lately, she's started asking a lot of questions about it, expressing an interest in exploring paganism for herself.

Now, I've tried not being judgmental, so far I've given her my impartial knowledge when she asks questions, but I'm starting to feel odd about it.

First of all, every time she's asked questions, I've given her further resources (youtube videos, books, podcasts, articles, everything) but she's never actually looked at them. I can tell. The next day she'll ask something small and inane that even skimming what I sent her earlier would have told her. It feels like she wants to just be spoon-fed exactly what to do and how to do it. I'm not an absolute authority either, this is a lot of weight to put on my shoulders.

I'm also worried because it she tends to pick up and drop hobbies very quickly and impulsively. (Hello to the huge pile of expensive yarn sitting behind our couch because she gave up knitting the second it got hard). She also seems to have super unrealistic expectations about what paganism involves, or even just non-Christian religions. She keeps asking about rules, no matter how many times I tell her that's not how it works, like she expects me to spring secret rules out of nowhere. She also seems to expect it to be a lot more dramatic than it is. She's shocked when I pray and it's a quiet affair, when I talk about gods and I don't hold them in utter reverence, when my rituals don't have shocking and extreme immediate results. It seems almost, sometimes, like she expects me to speak in tongues or be slain in the spirit.

Ultimately, I'm worried she's just going to pick up my very serious religion like it's a fun silly hobby and nothing more. I'm worried she'll be disappointed by it. And if she doesn't drop it immediately, I'm worried she's going to practice it like it's just another form of Christianity where she feigns dramatic results. (She used to pretend to speak in tongues as a kid, for context.) I want to gently steer her away, but I feel like maybe I'd be an asshole for stopping her exploration and like I might be a roadblock in an important step in healing from her religious trauma.

So... AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[wordsinhaled]

oops i saw that video of ferdie watching ads and my brain was all “wake up new dreamling meetcute just dropped” and really ran away with me and became a ridiculous sappy improbable thing

AU where dream is the model in an ad and hob is traveling for an academic conference. he’s watching tv in his hotel room late at night and sees this ad with dream in it. it’s some silly and forgettable TV commercial but the man in it may possibly be the most gorgeous person hob’s ever seen in his life? anyway hob can’t sleep, partially because he’s nervous for his panel the next day, partially because he’s stuck on Gorgeous Guy From the Ad and feels incredibly silly for it. it was a two minute appearance. matthew really is right that hob needs to get out more if he’s crushing on people in random TV commercials now

so he goes down to the lobby bar to get his mind off of things. it’s late and the bar is deserted - the bartender is about to knock off for the night in maybe half an hour. hob orders a club soda and is reviewing his papers when someone slides onto the bar stool next to his. hob is about to be slightly irritated that someone is In His Bubble at this late hour, when he looks up and sees it’s The Guy. the guy!!!

it’s the fucking guy from the ad he just watched, and somehow he looks even more beautiful in person, and hob is like, oh, okay, the stress of academia has finally gotten to me and i’ve lost it because there is just no fucking way

it’s such a ludicrous coincidence that hob sets down his pen and just starts laughing. the way you laugh at things that aren’t actually amusing, because it’s the middle of the night, and everything’s just a little fuzzy around the edges?

“is something funny?” says mr. walking wet dream from the TV, in a voice like slow-melted chocolate, and also with the kind of curiosity in it that makes hob realize he’s being totally socially inappropriate

“no—no, i’m so sorry. it’s just—god, am i dreaming? because you’re here, but i swear i just saw you—upstairs. well. not like—i mean. in an ad on the TV?” (completely not helping himself in the smoothness department)

the breathtaking stranger’s lips quirk up in a sardonic smile. “ah, yes. that.”

“that?”

“unfortunately, you are not dreaming. i did indeed feature in an advertisement several years ago. as my sibling dearly loves to remind me on every possible occasion, lest i let myself forget for even a moment.”

and hob expects the man to leave in a huff, or something. he goes back to his papers, dream orders himself a gin & tonic, but they’re watching one another in each other’s periphery until finally dream says, “i must admit why i sat beside you this evening. i noticed you were reading marlowe…”

to hob’s great surprise this stranger soon doesn’t feel like someone he’s just met. hob talks about his teaching post and the conference and the paper he’s presenting and the panel he’s on tomorrow, and how (“shhh, you mustn’t tell anyone”) his co-panelist tomorrow is an absolute pill so he’s dreading it. he finds himself sharing more easily than he expected in a way that you only can in the kind of liminal space that is an empty swanky hotel bar at midnight. they’re angled toward one another on their barstools so that maybe their shoes knock together or their ankles brush occasionally in a way they both pretend is accidental, and hob does his level best to be calm and collected about it

he learns his stranger’s story over several gin & tonics. dream’s ‘real’ name is morpheus. he wants to be a published author, studied creative writing. his father is the head of a major media/entertainment/publishing conglomerate and dream used to work for the company. when dream said he wanted to pursue something totally different (essentially… be a starving artist) his father saw it as a betrayal, and trapped him into continuing to work for the family for years on the promise of getting him the connections to publish his first novel or help him get funding to stage his first play… provided he could “actually” finish the manuscript

in the meantime his father had dream doing bit parts in forgettable commercials and made for tv theatre productions, partially as humiliation for daring to want to leave. (i really want him to be in a hair commercial where he broods about in silky black robes…) eventually dream lawyered up and severed ties. his father retaliated by setting up a kidnapping attempt on his own son that someone else conveniently took the fall for, and so on…

anyway - to make a long and tragic story short, now morpheus goes by dream, moved cities, has started his life over mostly estranged from the family, and he’s actually working on his novel - but he’s in town for a friend’s funeral and is staying at the hotel too

at the end of this story hob goes, “bloody hell. i’m sorry, my friend,” and it’s a bit over-familiar, isn’t it, for someone you’ve just met at a bar, even if you’ve just shared half your secrets. so hob is all, oh god oh god ohgodohgod, i’ve scared him off now—

then dream is all, “your friend. is that all you’d like me to be, robert gadling?” and he’s Looking at hob like he’s caught hob out in a lie. and hob’s breath is just… gone… gone away somewhere… and he has to admit that he may still barely know this man but there’s nothing he wants more than to know him in every way possible

and maybe they both go up to hob’s hotel room, and when hob kisses dream for the first time, cradling dream’s face in his hands, it’s more tender and intimate than it has any right to be and hob is just. flabbergasted because fuck. he just met this man and it feels like he could be content just to kiss him for hours and hours and hours. ok? like this is some accidental soulmates energy. their first time is slow and thorough after falling asleep curled together on top of hob’s covers and waking up in the blue hours before dawn

ok basically just my favorite thing is dreamling finding one another in very unlikely circumstances and having a Connection asdjfjf

[harrysmimi]

Professor

Synopsis: One where Harry pays for the consequences of ghosting the girl he was seeing for two months

More of my work

It was pretty late, but Harry was actually excited to finally get back in university and get his master's four years later!

It was his initial plan to do so but he kept putting it off as he was deep in debt, but now that's he's got his life back on track he was ready to get that masters because apparently the Management field looks for papers along with experience for better paying jobs. And honestly he hates his job as assistant to charted accountant now. Though he was already dreading this, his friends Niall and Liam were going with him, they were in the same Marketing and Business Law classes to put his anxious mind at ease.

Him and his friends would probably be the older of the demographic in the batch of this year, but who cares? He's there to learn and get that degree with his name slapped on it. Niall was coming over to pick him today as his car was in service for past one week.

"Oh, she's hot!" Niall commented the girl had seemed to heard it as she picked up her pace of walking, "hope she's in our class. She's got a marketing text book in her hand." He was apparently talking about this girl who just parked next to them and started running towards what he hoped to class.

Harry's heart skipped a beat when he saw her though. She looked awfully familiar to him. Shaking his head he proceeded to go to his first class which was Marketing Management.

The lecture hall was massive for the class strength to be of only 60 students, desks arranged in arranged in tiers to give the lecturer perfect view of the class. A projector set up for the lecture already. Harry and his friends had no other option than to sit on the very first desks, it would be pretty difficult of the trio as they've been the back benchers their whole life.

"Good morning class, I am sorry for being late to the class was about to begin ten minutes ago." The professor barged in with her text book and laptop and Harry almost shat his pants. "Settle down everyone, please." She waited for the class to get settled in their desired places.

"First day of academic year it's always exciting, isn't it? Then it all gets dreadful and by the end of the semester you're like "urgh! I can't wait to be done with this stuff!" but that won't be happening in my class, I'll try to not let that happen at least." The professor went on as she observed the class carefully starting from the very back, "let's start with introducing ourselves to the class, I'll start; I am YN YLN. I teach Marketing and Business Law, I've been teaching for four years now. I come from a family of professors, I mean even my great grand parents from my both parents side were teachers. That's something I like to brag about."

She smiled an adorable cheeky smile. She's really a ray of sunshine, Harry decided.

"Now you all don't have to feel pressured to introduce yourself though it is highly encouraged, if not we'll proceed with our first lesson today." She gave the class a moment.

Surprisingly many students stood up and talked about themselves, where they come from, what they like to do, and all the good stuff like that. The class was actually liking her that much even the shy ones tried to interract.

"Oh my god, she's definitely gonna hate me for calling her hot in the parking lot. She heard me!" Niall murmured to him.

But he's got way worse to deal with her. His professor.

Never in his life he thought he'd ever find himself in a situation like this, ever!

He met YN at the start of summer this year on a dating site. In all honesty he was just looking to get laid but for some reason he took it too far with her without telling her what he really wanted. Yes, he is an asshole for doing that, but he did not expected to have karma hit him this way.

Her dating profile was really what someone who was dating to get married would swipe right in a heartbeat. She was same age as him couple months younger even, she could cook (if anyone cared for that), she was well educated, and had a four year teaching experience at University — though the name of the university was not mentioned — she was a mum to an almost two year old boy.

Least to say he didn't wanted to hook up with her on the first date, she was just that sweet and humble. He just dropped her off to hers and asked if he could take her out for coffee and he did. He saw her over the weekend. Got laid as well. Led her on for five weeks straight. For the first time since he graduated he felt like wanting to get into a relationship, but she called off their date twice last minute because her son was severely sick.

Yeah! He totally feels awful for that. He knew she's a mother and he won't be on her first priority list probably for a very long time if he did not blew things up with her. He didn't even mind that she have a child in the beginning.

Maybe he got scared of the commitment? But she would have understood that as she had talked about getting stood up by dates for the reason, but also made it pretty clear in his opinion that she was looking for something serious if things led to other. He felt even more guilty. He just ghosted her.

And he was starting to like her, a lot. Seeing the way how she talked about her son in most subtle way, he found it very adorable and attractive in a way, she even paid all her mind when he talked about his own interests in his slow tone like he usually does which many find annoying. She had way too much patience to put up with him. She did come off as shy and introverted the whole time and not like as she is being in the class right now.

None of his friends knew he was seeing someone over the summer. That was the little down cor why Professor YLN had his heart running like a wild horse. He almost died when she finally noticed him as a sly smirk took over her pretty features making him sink in his seat like a melting ice cube of a burning iron skillet. He wanted to disappear. Throw himself against the wall.

"Anyone from the front desks? Very familiar faces from around the campus." She asked, eying him with a revenge being plotted in her mind. He is sure she's going to be petty with the look on her face like that. She even glared at Niall who commented on her earlier.

She proceeded with the first topic after two more introductions from the students. Honestly she was amazing at her job. Even more amazing than any of the teachers he's had his entire life (apart from his mother).

"Before we dismissed the class," YN said closing off the tabs on the projector for the class, "I just want to make you know that if you do not understand anything, you can feel free to ask away any of your doubts and please be free to give any feedbacks you have on my teaching methods, if I'm going too fast or too slow with the portion. I'm here to help. My office hours are from 3pm to 4.30pm, you can come in to get your doubts cleared if needed in the future."

"If you have any doubts from today's lecture, I'll be clearing those the first thing in the next class on Wednesday. From the next class onwards the first fifteen minutes would be to clear out any doubts and queries. And that will be all for today. Thank you so much for your time today. Hope you all have an amazing rest of the day." With that she dismissed the class, and left the hall.

"Move, move, move," Harry chanted getting up from his chair almost pushing Niall over who was had taken the aisle seat.

"Patience!" Niall stood up making a way for his friends who barged out like a racing car.

Harry ran straight to the bathroom and locked himself up in a stall as he threw up.

God he's going to have to put up with her for next six months. She's probably going to make his life hell in college. He's probably going to have to his arse off for her class. For a moment he thought he'd blackmail her if she tries to fail him but it won't work as he haven't seen her in a month and things came to an end before he even got accepted into this academic institution. His mind was racing with most stupid and fucked up possibilities as he emptied out the hearty breakfast he had this morning.

He finally got up and made his way out to wash his face but he felt like he was going to pass out if it weren't for Liam who came looking for him, he would have had fallen down and hit his head somewhere.

"You alright, mate?" Liam asked.

All it took was for him to shake his head. "Uhh, yeah!" He somehow pulled himself together.

"You want to go home? I'm sure none of the professors would be getting anything important done today." Liam suggested.

"No, no, I am fine." He shook his head again, washed his face and rinsed his mouth and drank some water Niall gave him.

He was going to have to put up with all this because he was so determined to prove his father wrong that he can actually do something with his life. He was still living in the same old studio flat since he moved out at the age of eighteen, now he's twenty-five, he works a job which pays him just enough to live on cheque go cheque. He had that pressure from his father because his sister was going amazing!

She had written three best selling books out there. She is doing so much better with her life than him. She was in a stable and healthy relationship. Had her own house, two cars. Even his step siblings were better than him in many aspects. But he's happy with what he has is always looked over at and he's compared to everyone who's figuratively doing much better than him at every family gathering.

He has even started to skip those now the best he can.

He went back home his cat Evie all tired and still feeling about shit he probably have put YN through. Even the cat reminded him of her now, Evie loved the girl more than him and she was over all for four times at his.

For fucks sake it was just a two months thing he shouldn't make a big deal out of it, man up and apologise to her.

And he did. He texted her, waited for an entire for reply just to remember she was really bad at texting, she admitted to it and that she preferred to talk on phone calls instead.

It was Tuesday night when he called her. It rang through twice but she didn't answer. He just tried to go to bed but he couldn't sleep all night. He wanted to drive upto her house but it would have it's own consequences if anyone from his class saw him. He did talked to many of his classmates on the first day who lived in the same area as hers.

On the Wednesday morning he got to know two his classes were cancelled for the day, which YN takes. That worried him because he saw on Tuesday on campus busy with her other classes. It took a text for him mum requesting him to take her to the hospital as she was having some sever allergic reactions, so he was more worried about that instead of dealing with the shit he had spread.

His mum was very sick to add to his worries, he drove her to the emergency room and waited for doctors to check on her outside. She was advised to stay there for the day and could go home in the evening if everything was under control with the medications she was given.

"You want me to get you something?" Harry asked.

"A bottle of water would be good," Anne nodded.

"I'll be back," he smiled, kissing her forehead he headed out. He had to walk all the way to the hospital canteen as there were no vending machines in this hospital which actually worked. He was already frustrated that he can to walk tem minutes to get his mother a bottle of water she needed. He can do no thing right!

"Can I get a black coffee with no sweetner and a bottle of water please?" He asked the cashier, already finishing for his wallet in his back pocket. He had to wait for his coffee so he took a seat at one of the table.

He decided to call YN again as he waited. She did answered it this time but a phone rang just behind him catching his attention.

"Hello?" He said.

"Hello, Harry if it is not anything urgent can I call you later?" She rushed in a murmur.

"Yeah, but are you okay?" He looked around to find her at the table just behind her, looking all tensed.

"Yes. I'll, I'll call you later, okay?"

"Okay." He said and hung up.

He left her alone there, as she seemed to with a lady who reckoned to be her mother. He didn't wanted to bother her and he had his mother to worry about too.

......................................................................

It was the next morning he got a call back from YN just when he was about to text her again and go on to get ready for uni. His mum was doing good and was sent back home in the evening as expected.

"Hey, you needed any help that you called yesterday?" She asked, getting straight to the point, she sounded very tired on the other side of the call.

"Hi," he took in a deep breath, "ummm, I wanted to talk."

"If it's something related to class I don't know if I'll be help now, but I'll try my best, what is it?" She asked, politely.

"No, no it's not related to class. I, ehm, want to apologise for what I did." He said, "I shouldn't talk about this over a phone call, if we could meet?"

"I don't think that's a good idea now, Harry," she suggested, "and I can't see you right now. Whatever happened I'm just over it, you and I can move on from it and be professionals."

"You're going to forgive me that easily?" He asked. Hurt honestly that she's not going to hold anything against him because he truly believes he deserves that.

He heard a frustrated sigh from the other side, "I have got other things to worry about and what you did is honestly the least of my worries." She made it clear to him, "if you're worried I might fail you in either of your classes, I won't. I am not petty. You've got nothing to worry about just be good with your progress, I assure you will be treated as rest of the students." That hit him like a truck but with a whiff of cold air.

"I am not worried about that." Lie. A half lie. Or you can even a quarter lie. "I genuinely feel bad for ghosting you like that."

"And I forgive you for that, okay?" He was getting on her nerves now which was evident through her voice, "it's okay. Now if you're done, I have somewhere to go to."

"Yeah." He sounded before he heard the line go dead.

......................................................................

YN was miserable seeing her baby so sick. He had a surgery coming up this afternoon which had much higher rates of full recovery but it stung at her motherly heart that he even has to go through all of this.

He was born with atrial septal defect but doctors said it isn't fetal and he can live just normal. He basically had a tiny hole in his tiny heart. It wasn't until last month that he started getting sick and sick, that doctors suggested it was better to get the surgery done. Her insurance covered the costs of the surgery but the stay at hospital for next week was something she couldn't afford as she was paying off the rest of the loan for the house she lives in now.

Her parents weren't happy with having a baby, especially when she got knocked up by a random dude she hooked up with who refused to be involved with his life. She was going through her rebellious phase in college instead of going through it when she was teenager. Her parents being religious did not helped either when she decided she wanted to keep the child. They almost kicked her out and they did, but they came around sooner than she expected, helped her around until she got her life together. She is their only child.

YN was just so shocked when her dad called her one evening to give the house he bought for her to give her as a wedding present which he worked his whole life for. She was really grateful for that because she was really struggling with finances and raising a tiny human. Her parents do teach her lessons which are much needed but they're very supportive of her which she finds herself to be fortunate of.

She had no face to go ask for help from her parents now, her dad had given her everything, he bought her a house and furnished it for her, even her car was bought by him. She didn't tell them that her son has a condition since he was born, until her mother saw her at the hospital yesterday as she was there with her father to get her routine check up done. Least to say her father still loves her that he agreed to help her out in a heartbeat, though they've had a very rocky relationship from past almost three years.

The thing with Harry was least she can worry about. He was just a guy she met a few months ago. Her son was her life time commitment she made the moment she decided to keep her pregnancy. Which was definitely the best one she has made in her life.

She went to see her son who was resting in his room as the OT was being prepared for him. She didn't know how she was going to tell him what the doctors are going to do to him but she was going to try as the doctors have suggested it. A nursed was checking up on him as he had just woken up from his nap. He was a bit sleepy due to the medications or else he is usually tailing after her so she can drop him off at daycare so he can go play with his friends Justin and Sienna.

"How is my little Lion doing?" She asked, he was dressed in his Lion King PJs he threw a massive tantrum for in the middle of the store for, he was obsessed with the show for some reason.

"Mamma!" He whispered.

"He's doing great." The nurse said, "we'll take him to the OT in an hour."

"Yeah, thank you." YN nodded politely at the nurse as she left. "Did you had a good sleep?"

"Mhmm." He nodded pushing his hair away from his face, YN helped him with that. "Simba is there, Mamma look." He pointed at the wall art in his room.

"Yeah, you finally saw it." YN cooed.

"I wan, I wan go home." He looked at her with his big doe eyes, sad like a small puppy, he still stutters while talking even though his vocabulary for almost two year old much more advanced, YN found it adorable to say the least.

"We will go home soon, okay? I promise." She assured him, "do you want to cuddle?"

"Mhmm."

YN sat up on his bed, placing him in her lap careful of the IV on his arm. He immediately snuggled into her chest.

"When we goin' home?"

"Uhmmm, after you're feeling fully better." YN stuttered to answer him, "for that you know the doctor will have to operate on you so you can get better faster and we can go home."

"What is that?" He asked.

"That is a bit difficult for me to explain, my baby, but when you're sleeping the doctor will help your heart feel better so you can go play with Justin and Sienna." YN shared, "Mamma wants you to know that it is okay, I'm here with you, yeah?"

"Mhmm." He nodded, "I miss Daisy."

"Yeah, you miss her?" She cooed. Daisy was YN's Persian cat she has had since she was eighteen. "She said she misses you too, but she wants you to stay here."

"Why?" He whined.

"So you can get better to play with her too." YN reminded him, "you're feeling not well, right?"

"No well." The little boy shook his head.

"Yeah, she said she loves you and wants to play with you loads and loads when you get back home." She tried to hype her up the best she could. He's just two years old to say the most. "I love you."

"I love you." He repeated. "I wan ice cream please, Mamma."

"What else do you want?"

"A big Burger, please?" He chirped in excitement because she doesn't let him eat junk food as much as her friends let him.

"A big burger it is." She agreed using the same tone he used to describe the size of food he wants.

"I wan a lion toy." He demanded.

"You already have one." YN gasped.

"A big one!" He exclaimed the best he could lifting his free arm up to show his mother a size of a stuffed animal he desires. And proceeded to talk about all the animals he likes and randomly talking about food in between.

She wonders if he is going to be a zoologist when he grows up.

He did had a little breakdown, it was pretty obvious an almost two year old is going to be scared to be rolled on a stretcher by strangers to a scary looking room. But he did well. The surgery took three hours in total to be completed but it was a success and he was doing amazing!

"Your son is doing amazing, Ms. YLN." The doctor shared with her during the consultation after the surgery in his office, "he will be off the anesthesia by morning, we'll have to have him under observation for next five to six days — or less depending upon his recovery speed — before he can go home and have weekly check ins if needed for next six weeks."

"Oh okay," YN nodded, "thank you so much for your help doctor. I hope he wasn't too scared."

"He was but we talked about things he loves, he apparently loves animals a lot." Doctor shared the humourous moment with YN's son in the OT.

"Oh yeah, he does." She chuckled.

......................................................................

YN had to go back to work on the Monday as she could not take anymore leaves. Luckily her mother offered to stay at the hospital until she gets off.

She was dreading the office work she had to do, and she have to cover up the portion she missed for week as soon as humanly possible. First semesters usually tend to go faster for her for some reason. She had cut off her office hours for next couple of weeks now just so she can go back to her baby and have talk her ears off about a new animal documentary he watched with his Nani.

She was so grateful that her day came to an end at work, she still had to go home and pack a change of clothes for him and some food for her mother and herself. But he heard knock on her cabin, she saw the same frog face she was harbouring a massive crush on months ago. She wanted to smack that stupid of his when he ghosted though.

"Yes, Harry how may I help you?" She asked, gathering her stuff so she can work the time she gets when her is sleeping. He really had his notes printed in his hand.

"I have a doubt." He said, "do you mind if I come in?"

"Sure." She nodded. He's her student she's not going to ask him to leave when that's what she gets paid for. Turned out he genuinely had a doubt which she explained him in matter of ten minutes. "Is there anything else you meed help with?"

"No, that was all, thank you so much." He smiled. "Are you okay? Saw you at the hospital last week when I was there with my mum."

"I am fine, it was my son he's doing good now." She shared as she closed her laptop and put it back in her bag, "I will share the presentation on the classroom online do you can take notes from them, tell your friends about it too."

"I will," he nodded. "What happened to him if you don't mind me asking?"

"Actually I do mind." She smiled a forced thin lipped smile, "thank you for being concerned though."

"Sorry." He mumbled sheepishly looking down biting on his lip, "I'll take a leave now." With his head down he just left. YN instantly felt bad for talking to him like that.

......................................................................

It was three weeks later and YN's som was back home. He has been doing great and spending all his days with his grandma when his mum goes to work.

YN have finally gotten back on track with the portion she has missed on the days she took off. She had assigned the first assignments to her classes, and god it was going to be a hassle with double the queries coming in her way. She thought five classes including both UG and PG students and one extra class this semester as one of the professor is on a maternity leave.

"I clearly don't get paid enough for this!" She mumbled to herself as she frustratedly checked the first few assignments the students have turned in just to get over with.

Well, she get it. She was a student not too long ago and she is still studying for her PhD but this was atrocious how students actually treat their teachers. She had to turn all of the assignments back to the students with individual remarks on individual assignment.

Recently all she have been wanting to do is just spend time with her baby boy. But all she have to resort to from eight in the morning to six in the evening is just to look at his picture on her desk she recently put up on her mother's suggestion. The boy was doing amazingly, recovering faster than expected, getting back to starting to be active again and be his tiny human self.

YN was going to get him to get a hair cut in a long time now because he willingly asked for it this weekend. And he's been excited about it all week. It was also his second birthday.

YN had decided to go very lowkey on with the celebration unlike her and her father did for his first birthday. She doesn't want him to hurt himself because she knows how hyper he can get when around other children with adrenaline and run and jump around like there's no tomorrow. He still needs to be easy as he heals from a major surgery.

So it was just going to be him, his friends Justin and Sienna coming over for a play date later in the evening in the backyard. His Nana went over board and got him a slide and a swing set to add to plethora of his outdoor toys like a mini golf course and a basketball hoop he got on his first birthday. YN was going to take him out on a little date, buy him two new toys he wishes for and get a hair cut.

She had her day planned out with her baby, getting her all happy and giddy already.

And just when she is about to leave it was Harry coming to her office for yet another doubt. At this point she genuinely started to believe be never has any doubts because she sees him pay attention in class and she never speaks or asks questions, and he asks ber random questions like he did on their dates. He always manages to go to her office with doubts just when she's about to leave. YN finds it annoying because she figured he's always to everything and she thrives on time decipline since she was very young.

"I did not understand the Consumer behaviour." He said, not even bothering to hide his cheeky smirk as he walked in and took a seat on the chair in front of her desk, putting his half written notes on her desk.

"What do you not understand about it? I guess it have been repeated taught to business and management students for years." She reminded him.

"This is my first semester in college after four years of working as an accountant. I think my knowledge has been rusted a bit since." He explained. She took a look at his notes to know what he might have and not have understood. There was nothing but the title of today's lecture written with a black pen in block letters on an unruled page of the book.

"You have literally written nothing." She pointed.

"Exactly, my point." He shrugged.

"What did you not understand?" She asked.

"How does demand law come into play with consumer behaviour?" He asked.

"Because it is basically a behaviour." She said.

"How?"

"You know when prices go high the deman decline and that decline comes from customers desire for not wanting to spend that much on something and vice versa." She explained, hints of frustration now laced through her tones. "And that desire for not wanting to or wanting to buy a particular good is a behaviour by customers who are the consumers."

"Good, okay." He nodded, clicking his pen open, "can you repeat that, please?"

YN took in a deep breath and out, "I will explain this entire topic again, tomorrow morning the first thing in the class and I will be conducting a class test the very next day on the same. Now if you're done with your querie, my shift is already over."

"Hey, I'm sorry," he rushed chuckling, "now that your shift is over and you're no longer my professor, can I ask you something?"

"In premises of this campus, I am still your professor." She reminded him, "and Harry please I am begging you do not do something which both of us would have to regret and face consequences for. I have a son and I need this job."

"I won't, I promise. I just feel bad for—"

"I know you do and I told you I forgive you for that. Make peace with it and move on for gods sake?" She interrupted him. "So when we see each other again on Monday, we're nothing more than professor and student, okay?"

"Okay." He nodded as the dimples on his cheeks disappeared in instant. He just grabbed his book and his bag and left her office.

......................................................................

When YN got back home she couldn't help but shake the face of upset Harry off her sight.

She did started with her usual routine with asking her son clean his play area after she got freshen up and started preparing for dinner with him next to her. She had him fed, gave him his medications and tucked him in bed. She have now moved his bed to her room for the time being so she can keep an closer eye on her. She kissed him good night before she got into her own bed.

She went on to her phone after a very long time. Checking in on what her uni friends are upto now on Instagram. Most of them traveling for work whilst others were just having their own babies. When she stumbled upon stories of Harry.

She is still following him. Just when she was about to go to his profile and hit the unfollow button, she saw him partying with his friends. She recognised everyone from her class, especially the blonde named Hope, being inappropriate in the background as his two friends took shots. Least to say YN quickly unfollowed him immediately.

Yes, she fell for it quickly. She had a crush on him the moment she saw him on her phone screen really. It was her who had downloaded the dating app that one night, she's got no friends who would actually hype her to do so. All them are busy with their own shenanigans. Part it was pressure from her family and her extended family that she's unmarried and already has a kid and part of it was her loneliness.

She matched with couple of people she went on few dates on but none of them went further than one date until Harry. He actually did not judge her when she told him she's got a son even though she's his own age. She had many men and women just tell her that they're not interested in her after she'd casually mention about her son even though she had it mentioned on her profile.

Harry said he actually read that when she swiped right on her. The summer with him was amazing!

Especially when her son was spending much more time at her Nani's house as his cousins would be there. For the first time after having him she has that free time to actually give herself that much needed time. He actually seemed to care about her whenever with her, he'd even text her to check up on her but she is very bad with checking her texts.

......................................................................

The mother and son duo were dressed in matching black hoodies and jeans with boots as they headed out after a nice breakfast with Nana and Nani.

"Ohhh!" The little boy squealed a sound of amusement seeing the London Eye for the first time as they walked to the salon for his appointment. She was going to take him there the next day.

"Hello little lad," the guy who was going to cut his hair greeted him as he placed the boy on a chair and placed a cloak around his neck.

"You don't have to be afraid of the noises the machine would make, okay? It's not going to hurt." YN assured him. She explained the hair dresser how she wants her boy's hair to be cut.

For the longest YN did not understood why he had dark honey blond hair but later learned she had the same hair when she was born but her's darkened up before she turned one. His just decided to blond for a long time. All the while he sat there giggling and laughing, feeling ticklish from the buzz of the electric clippers.

"You like that?" YN asked once the hair cut was done.

"I love it!" He exclaimed raising his hands up in excitement to celebrate.

"Yeah? What do you say then?" YN suggested.

"Thank you." He looked at the hair dresser.

"You're welcome." The guy smiled.

Later the mother son duo went on shopping. They walked around the entire toy store.

"Mamma, I wan this!" The little boy hit at the box with a picture of a pretty blue doll house.

"Yeah, do you also want dolls to put in it?" She suggested.

"Mhmm." He nodded.

"Okay, lemme put that in our cart, okay?" She placed him in the seat on the shopping cart and strapped him before she put the choice of his toy in the cart. "Do you also want to get a few presents for your friends?"

"Yes, yes, yes!"

After they headed straight to parking lot and YN drove them to a restaurant for lunch. They were having an amazing day really. They went back home and wrapped the presents they got for his friends and put them in individual bags like a little hamper. YN remember this was something her parents did on her birthdays up until her eighteenth birthday. It was a nice gesture and who does like gifts. That really taught her growing up that the world really doesn't revolve around ber even though she was quite spoilt as a child.

She wants her son to learn that early, the feel of being grounded even though he's twice as spoilt by her parents.

The kids had amazing time playing their to exhaustion. YN's parents got along with Sienna's mother who held same interests in English and Hindi literature, talking about things she's never heard of. YN never read a novel in her life even though ber dad is an English professor and her mother is French and English professor. It was never her cup of tea which her dad like to tease her about.

"He's seem to be doing really great now." Alex, Justin's dad said.

"Yeah, Sienna missed her friend too, she was asking about him." Marie joined in.

"Yeah, he's doing very well." YN nodded admiring her son laughing and giggling with his friends from afar. He just turned two and he's got more friends than her. "He was talking about Justin and Sienna too. They've become best friends, haven't they?"

"Okay, maybe we should discard that conclusion for a while." YN mum stood up immediately watching the kids now starting to fight over something. The fight was resolved and they were back to playing again. "They're best friends again!"

......................................................................

Everyone came in for a nice dinner YN and her dad made today. The kiss still wanted to play but were promised another playdate tomorrow at Sienna's house the same time. YN parents stayed after to help her clean the mess the kids had made before leaving.

She bathed the boy and put him to bed before she headed down to get herself a glass wine. Though she wasn't a big fan of drinking even a glass of alcohol but she needed it after stressful couple of weeks. Just as she was about to pop open a new bottle of wine Alex gifted YN and Marie after he returned from his trip from Italy like six months ago. He said it was something fruity, like berries. Just as she was about to pop open the bottle there was a knock on the door. She peeped through the hole as she was alone at home and it has gotten quite late at night. It was Harry to her surprise.

"Hi," she said after she opened the door.

"Hi," he smiled, awkwardly, "came to talk if you have a moment."

"I, ehm, do you want to come in?" She asked already stepping aside so be can walk in. He nodded and walked in, took off his shoes by the door. He was immediately greeted by Daisy trying to trip over as he followed YN in to the living room. "Please sit, would you like me to get you something?" She proceeded to walk into kitchen where he followed her to.

"No, I'm good." He said, politely, yet she got him a glass of water. "I want to see you again, I am sorry for ghosting you like that. I shouldn't have knowing you wouldn't do that on purpose unless it was something serious."

"What did you thought?" She was confused.

"I thought you didn't wanted to see me," he admitted, "you used your son being sick as an excuse. I know that was very childish of me and I am really sorry for that."

"Even if you are sorry nothing can happen now, you're my student, I can't pursue a relationship with my student." She kept tone was as low as he could hear with frustrated and upset undertone, "I would never make an excuse. Especially my son being sick. Thank you for telling how low you think of me." Her vision started to het blurry with tears, she looked down quickly to pick up the wine opener and putting it in it's place, next was the bottle

"I don't think low of you, YN, don't say that." He stressed on defending himself.

"Heydar, my son was really sick, okay. I am not going to give you an explanation but that's how I felt when you said that." She shared, "that's what I feel like is the truth. He had an open heart surgery not even a month ago and he turned two just today, you knew I was going to put him first before anyone, even myself. You thought I'm that much of a coward that I'd lie about an innocent two year old boy being severely sick just to get out of the situation with you?"

"I get it, I am so sorry about that." He apologised again with his head hung low, "I never dated since I graduated — well not this once before — so it was a rollercoaster ride to be with you emotionally for me because those were the best two months I've ever spent in a very long fucking time. I just thought after we slept together that you didn't want to have to do anything with me. We became really good friends if not anything more and I ghosted you at the time you needed all the emotional support."

He talks slow but YN stood there listening to him. Carefully. "I want to fix this. Really. But I don't know how to. I want to fix this."

Harry's never been hung up on anyone. Especially since that one time where his friends conned him to basically go on a date and set him up so cleverly. He actually started getting along with that girl and after they both slept together for the first time she just told it on his face she doesn't want to go any further with him. It was worse than being ghosted he felt that time. YN's situation was worse here. He also knew that the pressure from his family to do better in his career had something to do with it that it scared him off from the commitment.

All those times she's just take out even fifteen minutes for him if her son was with her parents, she'd go to see him after work. He knew she was a professor but he didn't know she worked at the University he applied and got approved at. The way she'd go over evey little text he'd sent her through the day, every little meme which sort of reminded of him she'd carefully reply each one of them at the end of the day when she'd finally get the time to look at her phone, entertainment herself to clear her mind for a little before going to bed.

And YN wouldn't lie, she needed that emotional support if not financial support from her parents and she didn't exactly had good friends to rely onto for that. Her brown parents aren't exactly best at showing emotional affection or any affection at all, and she even felt guilty to ask for it because she's put them through hell her entire life being rebellious and especially after getting pregnant by a hook-up.

Though it wasn't anyone's business but the cultural environment she grew up liked to make it their business anyway, very much so that people started side eying her parents, especially her mother for her upbringing. Especially criticising them for having their daughter attend the Sex Ed classes for her own good before she was married, which allegedly influenced her to get pregnant with a strangers baby.

Her parents are long over it but she still carries that guilt with her.

Having a part of her go through a major procedure drained her mentally and emotionally. It is surely a bad time for her (she's certain it is going to pass), she knows no one is entitled to make her feel good mentally and emotionally but herself. So she didn't let the thing with Harry affect her that much, though she did cried the night after he didn't answer her texts.

"I don't know what you want me to do with it, Harry, I am quite confused here." She shared, "I know that I have been clear from the very first time we talked that I am looking for a long term commitment. I've got a son and I can't go out and date every other person and drag him through all of it and scar him emotionally and mentally for his life. I still don't know why you ghosted me like that. That can not be the only reason. I was so hurt that you led me on for two months just to sleep with me. You ignored me the night after I went over to yours and we had sex."

She took in a long breath to calm herself from crying in front of him, she didn't wanted that. "Then again. We were only seeing each other for mere two months. I don't know why I let myself go hurt me like that. It was just a summer fling for you."

"No, don't say that, please." He took a careful step over to the kitchen island separating them. "What I feel for you is still very real, I wouldn't say what we had was just a summer fling for me, I simply got scared of the commitment. I know should have conveyed that in a proper way like a decent human. I am really sorry for that. Please gimme a chance to fix this, YN?"

"So you're not scared of commitment anymore?" She sounded amused.

"I am not." He answered in a heartbeat. "I've got my shit together now. I know fucked up." When she didn't say anything it hit him that they can't technically date because she is her professor now, amd will be even if the semester is over and even after he graduates. "There's no way we can get back to where we left, isn't it?" He sighed.

"I don't know." She said.

"What about after the semester ends? It's not like we got to know each other on campus. We were seeing each other way before." He started brain storming.

"I don't want to talk about this." She said, knowing it is going to hurt her even more with faux convincing.

The university can still hold it against her saying that she should have informed them earlier if they get back together, it's been over a month and half since the academic year started.

She was still not over how he ghosted her. He was the first person she was open to be vulnerable enough to be share something that intimate after having a child. He did broke her heart that way badly.

"Mamma!" YN heard a high pitched call of a whine for her, she looked up to find her little boy going down the stairs slowly, clutching onto the railing. She rushed towards him even though he had quite master going down stairs by now.

"What's wrong, my love?" She cooed to him immediately scooping him up.

"I scared." He shared hiding in her chest, "I saw a monster when I sleeping."

"It's okay," she assured him, "it was not real. Monsters are not real."

"Scared!"

"Okay, okay, Mamma is here with you. You can go back to sleep."

"No!" He whined clutching onto her like his life depends on her in that moment, "I wan Mamma!"

"Okay, I'm here." She assured her and almost went upstairs forgetting Harry was there. But she went down as Heyder clung onto her like a baby koala, dozing back to sleep.

Harry saw her coming back downstairs, he saw her son for the first time here. He never saw his pictures before. But the little boy was wearing mismatched Rapunzel and Iron Man PJs, with a small stuffed bunny tucked in his grip.

"Just stay here for a moment." YN told him as she walked back into living room. She was there for solid ten minutes as her son refused to go back to sleep, so she gave him a sensory book which made car noises to play with as she went back to kitchen after telling him they have a guest over. Heyder tried mimicking the sound of an engine starting which made Harry giggle. He looked at YN and stopped immediately, the same neutral look on her features hasn't left yet but he thought she found it offending.

"Sorry." He cleared his throat.

"It's okay." She smiled herself hearing her son in the living room. He stood there in silence between them two with weird car noises in the back for what felt like ages before he decided he better take his ass out of her house. She isn't going to kick him out or ask him to leave. He isn't going to get his answer, at least not in that moment.

"Alright, see you tomorrow in class Ms. YLN." He smiled, earning a nod from her.

"I'll walk you to the door." She said and followed him out, "umm Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"Just don't talk about this to anyone, not even your friends please?" She requested, "I can loose my job and you can get expelled if the word goes to the faculty in a wrong way."

"You're going to talk about this?" He asked.

"I will have to. I have no other choice." She admitted, "don't want to face bigger consequences later for this."

"Okay. I won't talk about this to anyone." He assured her. It gave him hope for reconciliation with her.

As they walked to her front door he saw the little lad trailing begin YN close by. Harry also noticed the balloon and decoration and big Happy Birthday banner in the living room still up, a few unopened presents left on the coffee table.

"It's still his birthday?" Harry asked.

"Mhmm." YN sounded.

"Can I wish him if you don't mind?" He asked, they were already at the door.

"Sure."

"Hiya," Harry looked at her son, bending down to make himself appear smaller, "Happy Birthday little lad." He shied away behind his mother smiling.

"What do you say, Heydar?" YN encouraged him.

"Thank you." He mumbled.

"Of course, darling." Harry chuckled seeing him forward his small hand for a handshake which he returned gladly. He finally took his leave and walked out. It was slightly awkward he wouldn't lie. YN shut the door after he left and locked it before turning to find her son still stood in his place.

"Let's get your bum-bum back in bed now!" She announced, the little boy squealed as he started running around. But she caught him scooping him up in her arms tickling his sides. "Do you want to sleep in Mamma's bed?"

"Mhmm." He nodded.

......................................................................

Months passed by, quicker for YN and slow like a turtle for Harry.

Though he's really gotten his shit together. Set firm boundaries with his parents who always tried to put pressure on him to do better and compare him to his sister who is conventionally more successful than him.

He doesn't care if he's got a partner to settle with. He doesn't care what people think of his job, he loves it!

Harry learned he's been hating his job just because of his parents constant pressures to get a better job, or at least beg his way for a promotion. Well he's been working in that firm for just two years, he left the previous company for their unethical work environment. He's sure he'll get a promotion sooner than he'd expect, his boss is very impressed by it. He learned it was better to not let his work consume his life whilst he still has time to live and enjoy the best he can really.

Somewhere YN was the one behind it all even if she didn't know it. Her little pieces of wisdom in class to her student for occasional motivation really changed his perspective on life. Corporate was fucked and will be fucked for the rest of the days, you just don't have to let it fuck you over and ruin your life. She'd never talked to him about them yet though he knows he had talked to her higher faculty. He doesn't know what they told her, she refused to say even a word about it. She'd prohibited him for visiting her house since.

Harry's sister Gemma and one of his cousin's lived on the same street as hers. His sister liked to have him over for meals because he does eat well according fo her and she likes to spend time with him. They grew up apart from each other after Harry started his middle school and both of them were sent to different bording schools for higher studies so, it was her way to make up for lost time with her baby brother. She truly loves him, Harry came to realise sooner.

He couldn't help but be hung up on this situation with YN. He still haven't gotten over her yet and seeing her everyday does little to nothing to help him.

But once the semester ended, he'd gotten a call from her to meet her up for lunch at the same resturant where they went for their first date. It was her treat she said, celebration of him passing the first of four semesters.

A rather bright weekend it was, clear sky and perfect weather as Harry drove down to this little restaurant. She was already there he noticed. He still doesn't know how she does this even though she's got a toddler of her own to look after. But he saw a little black stroller besides her with his sun cover zipped up and she was busy reading from the University handbook. Thay scared him.

Gathering all his courage Harry went to greet her, the small talk killing him as they ordered their food. Her telling how her son had a doctor's appointment earlier and she doesn't have anyone to look after him for a couple of hours so she had no choice but to bring him with her. Little boy was fast asleep anyway, Harry didn't mind a little toddler around him. Especially one as sweet and well behaved as Heydar.

"YN what is it? You never called me to meet you like this before," he said cutting to the chase, "it's making me anxious."

"Sorry." She mumbled, "I talked to my head of department about, about you and I, and ehm..." She stammered.

"What's wrong? Is everything alright?" His enquiry gree more anxious.

"Yes." She rushed through a breath, "I explained it to her everything, Mrs. Davis, you might know her—"

"YN I'm not in your class anymore." He reminded her.

Caught. She couldn't look up, "okay, I explained it to her that we had been seeing each other since before and we never talked about you applying at my university. Since I didn't had any correlation with you getting approved in the uni, and I had to show her some proofs you can say."

"She said she'd evaluate everything because she doesn't want you to get expelled because you're an exceptional student and she doesn't want me to loose my job. She talked with the school board and they said it was okay." She said. Just her last word was enough to make Harry let out the breath he didn't know he was caught on. "But..."

"Why is where a but now?" His brows pinched together on his forehead.

"But they said they'd evaluate my non-biased judgement on you as your professor as it would be unfair for other students if I were to give the person I'm see a little extra help outside. That is why I asked you to not visit because there are many of my students who live in my neighborhood and new in institutions spread like wildfire." She continued, "they said I should just lay low until the semester is over unless you plan on taking any of the other classes I teach, or until you graduate. We both are going to be under strict eye, especially me as your professor."

"Is it illegal?" He asked.

"Not in the UK, no." She shook her head, "they said because we're of same age they don't see a problem of power imbalance, but there could be possibilities. They just want to protect their students."

He sat there, leaning his back on his seat as he let this all sink in. YN continued, "I understand if you don't want to have to continue us seeing each other, I had to tell them anyway. I know it's a lot to take in and I couldn't talk to you about this until now. I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't apologise." He rushed pushing himself up to sit on his chair, "I know how much you need this job, wouldn't do anything to put it at risk, I promise you that."

"Does this mean you're okay with this setting?" She hesitated to even assume.

"More than okay," he assured her, a toothie grin on his face showing off his front bunny teeth. "I've been hung up on you since little lad's birthday night. I was dying each day and seeing you all week for two hours didn't helped me one bit." He pulled his chair next to her careful to not knock the stroller in attempt to be closer to her, "I might have fallen for you already and easily it's amazingly the most insane thing I've gotten myself into. Let me make it up to you now that we've got ourselves a sort of green flag, yeah?"

"Mhmm." She nodded, opening her arms up so he can hug her. He the exact same wrapped his arms around her middle firmly.

They were going on a date soon!

N O T E:

1) just a fun one I wrote in a few sittings :)))

2) please do share your views in the comments and vote if you want to. It just really motivates me to write more.

Tag list:

@vrittivsanghavi @buckymydarlingangel @sweetwritingfanficfriend @theroosterswife24 @sleutherclaw @melllinaa @michellekstyles @sunshinemoonsposts

Lemme know if you want to added to the tag list

[botanyshitposts]

just wanted to say that some months ago i went on a bit of a "mental illness tangent" and wrote down every single native species to my county, including its light and water needs. may or may not have been spurred on by some topic you mentioned...

one side effect i learned with that is that apparently i live in like. the ONE area of the us that doesn't really use fire much as a part of it's ecosystem, once you're inland beyond the pine barrens on the coast, obvs. kinda funny idk. like you have a whole continent that has large fire use in varying ways, and then in little old new england in the old mountains where apparently fire has not been present in 8000 years from research from sediments.

hi! just want you to know that this is both academic and political direct action in my mind and i think every community should have at least one person who knows what local Guys are supposed to be there and what they need.

next step would be to go see which ones you can actually find in remnant forests and stuff. if any dudes are missing it's an active cause for concern and you can start the process of finding Whoever In Local Government Is In Charge Of That, and you would be surprised to know that usually there is at least one person who's like, kind of supposed to be in charge of it but nobody pays attention to plants so it slipped under the radar, etc. or if you want to do more research first or want to know where to look you can go try to see when it was last actually spotted, because from my experience a lot of old sources from like, 1802 just get grandfathered in to modern records and you realize nobody's actually checked to see if these things are still there lately.

to check your own work against, plants.usda.gov has an online database that in theory is an up-to-date record of all plants in every state in the country-- notice that i say every state, because not all states specify sightings or populations by county, which is unhelpful for actually going out and seeing them near you. on a state-by-state basis, some states have their own databases which narrow it down to county, and then from there you can see which sources they cite and check to see how old they are. note that the usda cites the flora of north america as their primary source for the species ive personally come across, which is good because the flora of north america is crowd-funded, organized, written, and published by actual academics in the botanical community who go searching for these things and they have names and email addresses you can use to contact them, plus the completed families are free to access online on their website. because of the amount of people retiring with no replacement, however, it's still good to follow up.

im...nebulous on my understanding of who is supposed to be checking up on these guys in the government. either the USDA or the fish and wildlife service is the arm that's supposed to be regulating plants listed as endangered in your area, or at least enforcing poaching laws, and if it's something high profile they probably do, but then you look at the endangered species list in your state and see a guy you know hasn't been seen in quite some time and you have to wonder where they're getting their data, if they're doing their own internal surveys, if you can even access that kind of information because of the need to be careful around disclosing the locations of endangered plants, if this local Guy has actually genuinely slipped through the cracks of bureaucracy and has lost whatever fractionally small area of land it used to have in your county/surrounding county/state, if anybody is even paying attention, etc. it seems like your best bet comes down to contacting the one other person whos super into them

and then you go on inaturalist to see if anyone else has seen it and nobody has and anyway thats how you go insane

[batsplat]

just so you know bc I don’t think enough people tell you this but every time I check your blog (a bit compulsively at this point? your compilations and opinions are very enlightening on the general psychology of those crazy motherfuckers and also the uhhhhhhhh other part) and see that you answered another ask I honestly break into the hugest grin and settle down at the next given opportunity to read the newest batssay (batsplat essay) like it’s an academic paper (it is to us sports scholars, I believe)… please never feel the need to cut short your thoughts on any subject. the longer the better! connect all the dots, bat! we are listening!!

thank youuuuu this is so sweet, I know this ask is a little older but trust whenever I get something kind in my inbox I very much read and appreciate it and it very much makes my day. and I love the term batssay. a lot

so I thought it'd be fun to do a follow up post to the casey/jorge/valentino one where I just dumped a bunch of photos with a wee bit of context... for the culture, y'know. and I'm doing this with just casey/valentino, mostly for 2007-09 but with one 2005 photo chucked in as. build-up. for flavour

we know from the #archives that the two of them did have like. a reasonably warm dynamic pre-casey's motogp debut. they'd talked... also at least one race where casey shows up to valentino's podium and chats to vale's crew chief and fellow aussie jb... I think about it often. what did it all mean

casey's first win!!! qatar 2007, very first race with ducati. he'd gotten very close to a win before - in his third ever premier class race at turkey, lost at the final chicane. casey's goals going into that first season with ducat had just been winning a few races... he notes that valentino congratulates him warmly, but reckons it's just because valentino didn't take him seriously as a threat, which. I don't think that quite stacks up with supplementary evidence from the time, but we'll allow it

one of my fave photos for a reason, idc it's sweet. I was trying to figure out when this photo was from through like, normal means of reverse image search, but then instead I had a horrifying moment of 'oh yeah I'm pretty sure I remember that specific presser backdrop is at mugello that year' and. I was right. which. god. anyway yeah mugello 2007 pre-event presser. by this point casey was 21 points clear in the championship standings

more mugello 2007!!! look at casey constantly sipping from his lil cup. this will have been after qualifying, where casey snagged pole. I'd forgotten valentino actually makes front row in qualifying because he makes a typically horrendous start. I'd also forgotten that this race is like. proper good. one of the best that year. slows down eventually but the first ten or so laps are some of the most exciting of the entire alien era

catalunya 2007, which unfortunately I also dated solely through the presser backdrop. idk I just like the vibes of this photo. anyway!! this race is ofc the one where casey won an all timer late race duel against valentino (+ dani). it is after this race that valentino said casey was, and I quote "riding like a god". a seminal moment

the championship is already extremely over by the time they get to estoril, but casey still needs to formally wrap it up: this is his first match point race. depicted here is valentino getting one of his few Ws that season. an account of this event: “valentino was playing table football in the yamaha hospitality and somebody spotted casey outside. so they invited him for a challenge. it was all good fun”

motegi 2007. valentino had managed to put off the inevitable the race before and temporarily stopped casey from sealing the title, taking his last win of the season (cool duel with dani in that one). but motegi... well honestly it's just a bit of a flop all round, nobody's bike is working the way they want it to, casey seals the title with his worst result all season of a sixth place (the horror) and in his autobiography he was kinda like 'well I was very happy but also. meh race' (I paraphrase). but really, who cares, he had his title

bit of a time skip!! after both of them have put their sketch early 2008's behind them, the pair of them had a proper fun fight at catalunya for p2. a continuation of the battle the year before with valentino once again coming from lower down the field, this time he gets the better of casey. still, things are finally looking up at ducati... and the post-catalunya test might be enough to put casey right back in title contention. the above photo is from donington, where casey confirms the progress ducati made by winning his first race of the season after the opener in qatar

still donington, both of them watching each other etc etc. valentino is in a much better place than the year before, given both casey's rough start to the season and how they're both now on the same tyres. but it's not a good sign if casey's hitting his stride... at assen, valentino makes his one mistake of the year and crashes on the first lap, remounting to finish eleventh (he still beats casey's teammate melandri). this puts dani in the championship lead - and with casey's second win in a row, he is now very much closing in

look at them chatting here!! cute imo. this is casey's third win in a row, at the rainy sachsenring. dani crashes out from a few miles in the lead - while casey had stayed sensible and brings it home for a pretty straightforward victory. valentino needed to fight his way through from further down the field and in the end he loses too much time to put any serious pressure on casey, but it's still damage limitation and he retakes the championship lead from dani (who will miss the next race due to an injury sustained in the crash). and yet, momentum really is firmly on casey's side now... and the rest of the calendar does looks like pretty casey-friendly territory. next up, they're headed to a race track where casey had won very comfortably the year before. would he seal his fourth consecutive win at laguna?

now with my sincere apologies to casey stoner, every photo that came out of laguna 2008 is objectively pretty funny. I have limited myself to a mere two podium photos, but lbr there's a full collection. casey had already rejected valentino's handshake in parc fermé - which some might have taken as a social cue to give him some space. whereas valentino, local dickhead, just will not stop yapping at casey on the podium. this is quite possibly as genuinely delighted as he gets after a race, and it's simply a beautiful contrast with casey who is not quite rude enough to actually tell valentino to shut the fuck up - but may be fantasising about pushing valentino off the podium. this, to me. is art

gather around body language experts, we need to have a conversation. this is at the pre-event presser of the race immediately after laguna, aka brno. by this point, casey's less than flattering remarks about valentino's riding at laguna had already been distributed near and far... everyone's been talking about them, people have Opinions. the captions for these photos are all something along the lines of 'stoner extends olive branch to rossi to apologise for his post-race comments after losing laguna'. now, I don't know if he literally is apologising in these actual photos - though of course he did publicly walk back his comments, saying all riders can react badly to losses and that he'd overreacted when he'd said he'd lost respect for valentino. he has since walked back his walking back, doubling down on his criticisms of valentino's comportment at laguna

still, for all the talk that the feud properly started after laguna, it's kind of fun to have the presser immediately after it showing... well, it does look like casey is actively engaging valentino in conversation, right? whether he's apologising or not - this isn't just valentino yapping at him, if anything it's the reverse. laguna had been right before the summer break, so casey had been given a month to cool off... and also be viciously criticised by the press. brutal, isn't it? it's not just the loss that sucks, it's also being excoriated by the press and fans for having the audacity to get mad over it. is all of this just him being forced into pretending to play nice to get the press to leave him alone? were there any genuine regrets over his laguna comments? what ARE the vibes between them like at this time? what story do these photos tell us

casey went on to crash out of this race from the lead, the first time he had done so in the premier class and his first dnf with ducati after their one and a half seasons together. when he crashed, he'd had a fairly comfortable lead over valentino - though valentino was steadily closing in, and the commentators were already rubbing their hands in anticipation of another laguna

the next race is at misano - and casey is struggling with an old hand injury, see the bandages in the photo. the previous year had been the first time valentino had gotten the chance to race at this circuit, so close to his home... but he'd suffered a mechanical dnf, not his first or last in a frustrating season. this year, everything is different - and casey once again crashes out of the lead as valentino takes victory in front of his worshipful home fans

another trip to america, this time for indy: their first time racing at the track. after the double whammy of brno and misano, casey's title charge is essentially over... but you never know, right? indy kinda gives off the vibe of being a good casey track

in the end, the race is extremely wet and very, very windy and is eventually red-flagged. because of how many laps they still have to go, it is initially unclear whether they would restart... at which point first valentino (who was leading), then casey (in fourth) go to dorna ceo ezpeleta to tell him they have less than zero interest in going out in that weather again. a beautiful moment of solidarity - long live the power of unionising, capable of overcoming even the bitterest of feuds. blast the internationale over the footage, I've seen enough. the race is called off and valentino wins his fourth consecutive race

by the time they get to phillip island, valentino has already won the title, courtesy of his fifth consecutive win at motegi - the same circuit casey had won the title at the year before and the home race of valentino's old enemies at honda. a couple of nice photos of jorge congratulating his teammate and casey spraying vale with champagne here. casey, known phillip island goat, would of course finally end valentino's win streak at that circuit, which is where the photos are from. idk they're fun to me, like this is still not that long after laguna. I'm aware being able to chat normally with your coworkers and share a smile with them isn't normally that high a bar, but canonically valentino has been known to completely blank some of his rivals. it's not like casey is particularly cold towards valentino either, eh

case in point. this is from sepang 2008. #TheEstablishment does not want you to know casey and valentino canonically still regularly yapped in pressers post laguna. they won't silence me. sepang was valentino's last win of this season, after a good scrap with dani - and the season is rounded off with a casey victory at valencia

jerez 2009, where valentino gets past casey with a block pass at the final corner on his way to victory. unlike in 2005, he actually manages to not barrel into his rival. this is just a fantastic photo... I don't even have much to say about it. a+ vibes

a lot of the photos from this season were already included in the jorge/valentino/casey post, which reflects how casey wasn't consistently a factor in the same way the other two were. this one's from assen, the race right after catalunya when all three of them were tied on 106 points. very good side eye here, excellent job casey. unfortunately, casey is now in mystery illness territory - and he can't really compete with the two frontrunners in this stretch of the season

this is the first race after casey's return to competition - valentino goes up to casey after qualifying at estoril to congratulate him for his front row grid position. casey would win an early race scrap with valentino in the race itself, eventually finishing second behind jorge and swiftly silencing all the people who had declared him mentally weak and done for in his absence. a race that brought back suspense to that year's championship

phillip island 2009, another important moment in the canon where I've limited myself to just the one photo. casey wins just his second race back - and he also hugs vale pretty warmly in parc fermé. jorge was kind enough to crash in the opening lap, meaning valentino can very much be pleased with a second place here

and at sepang, valentino seals the title, while casey wins another race. casey ended up crashing in the warm-up lap of valencia, apparently due to an issue with the tyre warming? just kinda... the general vibe of his 2009, really. valentino closes off the season with another podium at his least favourite track, while dani takes the win

anyway after that they spent three years getting into increasingly. dumb arguments. like. so dumb. by the end of 2012 you feel you're killing your brain cells by even engaging with this stuff. it's beyond undignified. there's zero competitive justification, but they just couldn't shut up about each other. that being said, they're still capable of doing a small talk with each other even during the dark years, so that's something. maybe one day they'll finally be able to get that dinner and talk about all the good times

[hroscek]

✎📃Dottore studying headcanons📚

Back again with more Dottore content. This is a bit of a mix between a modern au but still somehow compliant with Genshin? Idk I just wanted to write ab him studying and projecting finding inspiration in my own life without having to explain how he has access to YouTube in his akademiya days okay? Anyways enjoy and make sure to study if you happen to be procrastinating at the moment (I will know)!

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Dottore study headcanons

Probably the type that ultra-focuses on the material in front of him leading to generally neglecting any and all other needs until he physically can't anymore (nearly burnt down his dorm via hair catching fire from a candle when he fell asleep at the desk)

Thinks he's above attending lectures so he'd definitely be that one student that never shows up but still ends up acing the exams.

Fully believes that he must achieve a state of total focus to optimize his brain. This starts as threatening the other students into leaving him alone as he studies, drawing the curtains and shutting out all other distractions. Probably spent too much on finding a good noise-cancelling headset.

After getting kicked out gracefully parting ways with the akademiya he devoted some time to trying to find ways to improve his focus even more. I'm talking full blown rounds of experimentation with different methods such as binaural beats (actually works tbh), sensory deprivation tanks etc. Sort of how greater lord rukkhadevata would shut herself away to meditate, but he would never admit how similar their methods are.

Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if the original Dottore is just floating in a state of meditation rn trying to achieve max brain power (legit a headcanon for me now lmao).

Seeing as he probably doesn't sleep much, especially when in the thick of experiments he tries his best to compensate in other ways. He drank an inhuman amount of coffee or energy drinks (or both at the same time tbh) until he grew a tolerance to all forms of caffeine and is now forced to actually sleep once in a while.

He is intimately familiar with is work area and instantly knows where everything is. To outsiders it looks like a mess of various documents, piles of paper, supplies and mechanical parts. Often he asks a new intern to fetch him a sheet or something and they'll spend hours looking for it in the raven's nest that man calls an office. Then he'll show up pissed as hell like "It was under the desk next to the 3rd used energy core. Are you really that stupid?".

When he's in the zone he's deathly silent, his eyes laser focused on whatever page or machine he's trying to figure out. An observer might be afraid he'll burn a hole trough the object with his eyes. This is probably the only time he doesn't wear his mask as he doesn't want anything to obstruct him. Archons couldn't help the unfortunate soul who dares to interrupt him in this state. Instant volunteer for his next experiment.

Pantalone once decided to gift him with an expensive stationery set in a desperate attempt to get him to organize his study. It included quills, ink, various highlighters and organizers all in pastels with cute motifs. "To bring some positivity to the gloomy atmosphere around you!". Dottore claimed to hate it but was seen months later using a kitten-themed notepad at one of his labs.

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Another post, another slay (probs a flop). I'm currently taking a half-voluntary gap year because I decided to switch universities a little too late in the year oops. And honestly in this time I've realized how much I thrive in the academic environment and I miss studying so much! Idk might sound a bit too optimistic coming from someone who's currently not under any pressing deadlines or tests but I really do miss it. As much as I hated crunching the night before a test and stressed about the material I believe it's an environment I truly thrive in. I really do find such comfort in being able to take notes, discuss with classmates and professors. It's probably one of the many reasons I find Dottore relatable. We both share such a thirst for knowledge and focus way too much on our favorite subjects. I'm rambling, sorry. Thank you so much for reading and please don't be shy to send me asks or comments with ideas you'd like me to expand upon. I'm still pretty new to writing in fandom space so I'd really be grateful to get feedback and see what the community wants lol.

Have a good day! ❀

[phoenixyfriend]

Thought- in the terracotta warriors thing, you mentioned that the Jedi archeologists brought in a specialist in mando iconography to try and work out what’s going on with the 501sts symbols- what if that outside specialist is jaster mereel? Could be pre becoming the mand’alor, could be just his side job, but either way he spends a few years studying it all and getting used to being the only mando in a base camp full of Jedi, makes friends, has academic discussions and disagreements, steals someone’s holopad to try and use the link to the Jedi archives to read all the things on tarre visla, gets into an actual argument, reconciles with agreeing to help with a historical reenactment of a Jedi mandolorian war, gets Madame nu’s comm number, introduces his new son to his comm bff who argues historical nitpicks with him, brings jango to the next summer at the site, clones react to jango somehow and/or there’s a few tubies in there who look distractingly like jango and/or someone has their helmet off and jango has a breakdown over it looking like a family member? And so on and so on

Context: Sleeping Soldiers AU

See, I don't really subscribe to the "halfway to archaeologist!Jaster" fanon. I'm especially reticent to engage with the Jocasta ship, honestly.

But... okay, here's the thing. It does feel pretty incongruous with how I've written Jaster thus far. I can believe him having like. A 'classical' education. Not actually tutored like a noble, but that he sought out the same subjects as an adult to make sure he understood how to rule once he started having a proper political angle. He's a history nerd in the way that a particularly political/philosophical aristocrat of the 18th century would have been.

Military history, philosophical history, political and even some arts... but not actually in an archaeological sense.

(Also, it raises my hackles because it's one of those things that feels like it's heavily associated with the whole "True Mandos Were Best Mandos" crowd.)

It also really depends on the era! Tarre makes more sense than Jaster, just because of the timescale! The soldiers are millennia buried by the time Jaster is born! That said, even Tarre is a few millennia late but... makes more sense than Jaster.

Most likely, there are historians and archaeologists coming by every few centuries, as new generations encounter the issue, and older analyses are lost in the depths of the archives. Frequency tapers off after a few millennia, but... by the time Jaster is around?

It's 100% a New Mandalorian with an art history doctorate. (With a military symbolism specialty, in this case.)

It's probably not a New Mando if it's an Early On moment, but it probably is a New Mando if the Jedi start getting Weird Vibes and investigating the soldiers in the decades leading up to the Prequels.

Would the New Mandalorians know more than the traditionalists? Not necessarily. Would they know less? Actually, no.

I firmly believe that the New Mandalorians are taught about their histories in a "German kids learn about WWII atrocities, going on field trips to historic sites of said horrors, so their teachers can stress that they don't repeat the mistakes of the past" kind of way. I imagine the New Mandos would have plenty of research and records in regards to actual history, with plenty of museums and such. Part of maintaining pacifism is ensuring that the coming generations understand what led them to pacifism in the first place.

Is this thousands of years in the past, and thus difficult to research? Yes, but the traditionalists would have that same problem.

More of them, even. If the New Mandos have been around for seven hundred years, like Legends claims, then the traditionalists have probably have lost a lot of history through various battles and bombings, while the New Mandalorians, while not entirely escaping large scale destruction and such attacks, are much more likely to have protected and maintained their sites, simply by not courting war as a matter of culture. The traditionalists, meanwhile, would have had a much stronger emotional and cultural attachment to legends and themes, though I'll admit those are probably prone to revisionism, much like real-world folklore and mythology.

As @atagotiak put it:

Ehhhh. The traditionalists do care about legends and history and stuff. Often in an idealized way, sure. But you could argue that they’d have more reason than new mandos to be into these stories. Which, to be clear, isn’t like, saying that Jaster is definitely a part-time historian or anything like that. It’s just I don’t think one side would have an advantage over another. (edited)

So the New Mandos and Trad Mandos are probably on an even playing ground, insofar as skill and resources and knowledge go.

But by Jaster's time, the Jedi would have more reason to think the New Mandos would cooperate. No real downside to asking them when it comes to knowledge/skill, and an upside in terms of 'not getting shot when asking.'

As Tia said:

And even if we assume Jaster is a big history nerd and would be receptive to the Jedi (and tbh there’s even less indication of the latter) there’s no reason to think the Jedi would know that.

So yeah, when the soldiers start having Vibes And The Force Becomes Suspiciously Active on that level... New Mando archaeologist, definitely.

[if-lost-please-return-to-maliksi]

kay maliksi ulit hehe || hmm modern au music rec is glue song

highschool sweet hearts sila tas nagkita ulit tas ikaw na bahala ate? (ate ka ba)

saranghe (napapagod ka na ba sakin)

((HAHAHA. Hala ka, ate ba ako? Hulaan nyo xD))

Disclaimer: I do not own Maliksi and Makisig. Full Credit goes to HC - @ask-emilz-de-philz. Please check out their blog for amazing art and the wonderful world of Planet Puto. All involved characters are adults. Self insert? Might be. Char.

Genre: FLUFF

NON- #PhilMytCrea related AU.

Maliksi softly hums a tune that's been playing on his earphones as he started watering the potted chrysanthemums in front of his shop. It's been 3 months since he inherited the family's flower shop business because his Kuya Makisig wanted to pursue his career as a pilot instead. He didn't mind as he's more than happy to work at his own pace and without someone to boss him around.

He wouldn't admit it to others, but despite him being snarky and sarcastic most of the time, he's actually a gentle guy who loved peace and quiet- the only thing the plants and flowers on his shop absolutely gives everyday.

Maliksi was almost done watering the flowers when he remembered that he had some gypsophila delivered earlier. He smiled as he unloaded the pots and placed it gently in a sunny spot near the windows.

Gypsophila-

How nostalgic.

He can still remember how he begged his Kuya Makisig to teach him how to make flower arrangements- they both practiced using the shop's prettiest flowers- except their parents made him pay out of his allowance but he's already spent half of it on the local arcade earlier that week. In the end, their parents refused to let him keep the bouquet they made.

Maliksi sulked so much that his Kuya Makisig ended up sneaking him a gypsophila bouquet to school the next day- their parents never found out since gypsophila is usually just used as fillers on floral arrangements and it's quite cheap, yet his Kuya Makisig just knew how to make it look like it's one of the more expensive types of bouquet.

He can still remember how happy you looked and how red your face was when he handed you flowers on the last Valentine's Day of your highschool journey. You were the top of your class and Maliksi always hated how he always came second. All your highschool years were you two trying to see who will one up one another be it academics or extracurricular activities.

You were his rival- until you're not.

During your third year, you both were chosen to play as the famous Romeo and Juliet. All the late after school practice, the pancit canton chilimansi fueled all-nighters, and the endless phone calls with one another to have the perfect play also ended up with you two getting closer- not that you'll have it any other way.

After graduating, your family had to move back to the province due to your father's work. Maliksi ended up losing contact with you after a few months and that's it. Such fleeting first love.

He can only softly chuckle to himself as he reminisced those good old days.

"Excuse me...What are those called?"

Maliksi's attention snapped back to reality and at the short highschool boy who is now standing inside the shop, pointing at the flowers he's currently holding.

"Uhh.. these? Gypsophila."

The boy nervously looked around the shop once again, twiddling his thumbs before speaking.

"M...my Ate has a bouquet of that kind and she's got it preserved for a very long time...but I destroyed it accidentally when I was playing with my soccer ball in her room."

That's so cute and sweet.

Maliksi smiled, "I can recreate the bouquet for you. Do you remember what other flowers is in there?"

The boy shook his head before pointing at the flowers in Maliksi's hand "Nothing else. Just that." The boy started fumbling along his pockets before finding three crumpled 100 peso bills and some change. "I saved this from my allowance. Do you think you can do it with this?"

It was clearly not enough but Maliksi didn't mind since he also used to be a highschool student who relied on weekly allowance for stuff he wanted to buy. "Of course, buddy. Let me get your sister's bouquet started."

Maliksi prepared some cotton paper and pastel pink cellophane and started to masterfully arrange the flowers- making a very pretty bouquet that anyone is bound to swoon over. It is a skill he's developed while growing up and occasionally helping hie parents at the shop during holidays. Once he's done, the boy stared at the bouquet in awe, eyes twinkling in admiration.

"It's so pretty! Prettier than the one I accidentally destroyed."

Maliksi smirked at the kid before softly chuckling. "What? I don't think I ever made an ugly bouquet my whole life."

"I...How much do I need to add if I'll have it delivered at my Ate's work? I have a soccer game in 10 minutes."

"You know what, I'll make it free delivery if you promise me you'll win your soccer game, deal?"

"Deal!"

"My ate works at the bank. She'll be out at 5:30pm. If you see some woman with curly hair, around your age and is wearing a cute dress- that's her. Thank you so much!"

The boy left right away for his soccer game, leaving Maliksi with the bouquet. He then started closing the flower shop before grabbing his black hoodie and wearing it above his plain white shirt paired with his grey sweatpants- he's not really up to dress up right now since it'll be too much work when he'll just be delivering a bouquet to some stranger.

Three minutes before 5:30 - Maliksi was already outside the said workplace, leaning on his motorcycle with the bouquet in one hand, waiting for the boy's sister.

You glance at the huge wall clock, waiting for it to struck 5:30 so you can get out of this place already. Your youngest brother has a soccer game going on right now, yet you've been ignoring him for a whole week now after he sneaked into your room and accidentally broke some stuff.

Maybe I should buy him something and him on his game? But he might get embarrassed since he's at that angsty teenager pace...

You walked out of your work, eyes on the ground as you deliberately think if you should sneak on your brother's game to watch him-

"Excuse me, I believe this is for you- Y/n?!"

You quickly looked up to where the voice came from and hurriedly ran towards him with an embrace. "Maliksi!" He made sure to catch you in his arms while you both giggle like two kids as he spins you around before setting you down.

"Ah, it's been so long! I missed you!" You softly giggled before gently ruffling his hair like you used to do to him back in highschool.

Maliksi smiled, not bothering to hide the slight blush that has been forming in his cheeks while still holding you. "I missed you too. I never thought I'll see you here again. You told me yor family will be staying at the province for good."

"We're supposed to. But my brother wants to attend an engineering program for college so, here we are. Our parents stayed at the province though."

"Wait...your brother-"

"Jake, That chubby little kid who used to crawl all over our highschool projects!"

Maliksi's eyes widen in realization that the shy and goofy kid he was talking to earlier was the kid that often bothered him and Y/n's study time back in highschool.

"He's grown! I've met him earlier. He wants me to give you this, because apparently, you were mad that he accidentally ruined the original one."

You can feel your cheeks heating up as if you were caught red-handed to be cherishing that one bouquet you received from Maliksi back in high school very dearly that you went out of your way to preserve it after all these years.

Maliksi burst out chuckling at your flustered face, finding it as adorable as ever. "You could've just tried to look for me when you got back. I would've made you a bouquet for each Valentine's Day we missed since high school."

((I'LL MAKE A PART TWOOO! I'M SO SORRY, I'VE BEEN SICK AND MY BRAIN IS SO SABAW FROM ALL THE ANTIHISTAMINES I'VE BEEN TAKING))

ALSOOO- I'll melt if someone tells those lines to me helppp. AND LOOK AT THAT FACE----- IMAGINE THAT RUNNING TO HUG YOUUUU AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Art is by: @ask-emilz-de-philz , please support them! <3

[neppednep]

Could I perhaps request first date headcanons for Sayaka and Homura, since the first Madoka and Mami headcanons were also first date it feels fitting

First Date w/ Homura Akemi HCs

I will do Sayaka too, just figured I'd get this out since it's been done. I may do a version with the other Homura, I just didn't know how the hell that one would go to simping for her best friend to random bozo #28 without a backstory. Consider this one a prequel if that ever drops.

Sorry for the rambling at the beginning too. Doesn't actually get to the date until later on. Enjoy.

》 It was a bit of a surprise to learn your class was getting a transfer student this late into the year. You would be lying if you said you really cared. You weren't exactly a social butterfly to begin with, so realistically a new student wouldn't affect you too much. 

》 However, you were pleasantly surprised when she came in to introduce herself. Her black hair was tied into two braids with her purple ribbons, and violet eyes were hidden behind a pair of red glasses. Cute was the first word that came to your mind. She apparently came after a long stay in the hospital and it certainly showed. She was shy and didn't seem to be the brightest when it came to academics.

》 After introductions, the teacher sat her next to you. You two exchanged glances, but nothing beyond that. Just like some generic anime scene, you had to share your textbook. It was a bit awkward at first, being so close but you quickly got over it. Judging by the red dusting her cheeks, you couldn't say the same for her though. After class ended, people quickly surrounded your combined desks and started yapping. Luckily for her though, the nurse's aide came by to pull her away. Your first meeting wasn't exactly anything special, but it wasn't horrible either.

》 Even with her desk being right next to yours, it took another week or two to actually speak to her again. You two were assigned to clean the classroom at the end of the school week. You've heard rumors of her… lacking physical abilities but actually seeing it for yourself was another thing. You felt kind of bad seeing her having so much trouble with cleaning and she insisted she could keep going. She didn't look like she was in great shape, looking like she was going to pass out any second. You politely called her stupid and told her to take a break.  She didn't argue, just putting her head down and leaving the room.

》 You got the work done a lot quicker than you did while having to worry about her, so you left with good time to spare to find her and let her know you're done.  When you did find her you were irked to say the least. Three girls around her were laughing at her and calling her names. Sure, Homura isn't perfect but she deserves more than that.

“Homura, is everything alright?” You question, obviously knowing exactly what was happening. You stare at the girls as you walk towards them before stopping next to Homura.

“There you are, L/N. We were just asking four eyes why she's standing around instead of cleaning. She gets more and more useless by the day.”

You have to hold back a few choice words that almost slip past your lips. Seriously, who even says four eyes anymore? If you're going to bully someone at least be good at it. This ain't Disney. Instead, you grab Homura’s hand and simply walk away. Well, that's what you would like to say. What you actually said was more like:

“I see…” You say with a slow nod as if in deep thought. “Your shoe is untied. Not surprising considering you're a failure who couldn't even tie a proper noo-”

Homura squeaks, squeezing your hand and practically dragging you away from the shocked girls.

》 That incident didn't really make you best friends or anything, but people did start somewhat leaving her alone after that. She started to hang out with you more too, instead of sitting alone at lunch she would come and sit with you and your friends. She didn’t speak often, but you still welcomed her with open arms.

》 It wasn't until one day, seemingly out of nowhere, she approached you with the nurses’ aide behind her, her face a deep red as she stopped in front of you. You were a bit worried at first, it wasn't unusual to see Homura with the pink haired girl due to her condition, so you thought something might have happened. After a little nudge from her friend, Homura stutters out a request, asking if you'd go on a date with her. You were a bit surprised at first, but looking back on it, it was possible most of the stuff you just attributed to her being shy could have been because of a crush. Either way, you accepted with a smile before she quickly scurried off, the pink haired girl offering you a smile and a quick thanks before following after her friend.

》 When the day finally came, you honestly didn't really know what to do. You don't really want to force her out of her comfort zone or push her too hard. After being in the hospital for so long, she hasn't got to experience much so something simple was good with her. It also didn't help that you weren't as familiar with her as you would've liked.

》 She wasn't much of a talker or one for physical activity, so that alone took out things like restaurants or games. You were thinking of a movie, it wouldn't be some awkward silence like a restaurant but there's still the problem of just sitting there, staring at a screen. Not your idea of a good time.

》 You eventually just decided to take her to the local aquarium. Miktihara was a big city on the coast, so it goes without saying it's aquarium was well known and pretty famous. She wouldn't feel forced to talk or anything and it would be her first time going to one, so hopefully it would be a good experience for her.

》 You picked her up at her house and were off. as expected she didn't really say much so you carried the conversation. It was a bit harder than expected. Her home life was non-existent, school wasn't the best, and she didn't really have too many hobbies. She did start talking about a few friends she made at school though, you were happy to hear she was branching out, but she was still a bit hesitant to go into too much detail.

》 Luckily things picked up when you got there. Homura was bamboozled! It was definitely worth it to see her eyes light up as the two of you walked around. Don't mean to brag or anything, but you went very far with her for a first date. You didn't know she was the type but you held hands while walking around.

》 The day wasn't exactly eventful but it was still fun nonetheless. You ended up buying her some plush she had her eye on before you left, it was slightly a scam with how much it was but she seemed happy enough with it, so it was worth the price. Her smile practically never leaving her face as the two of you walked back to her house. She was a lot more open by the end of it, talking pretty much the entire way back.

The two of you stood in front of her house, it's been a long day so you were fairly tired, not really wanting it to end. Judging by the fact Homura was still holding onto your hand, it’s safe to say she didn't either.

She reluctantly let go, turning to you, her cheeks a light shade of red. You were tempted to reach up and pinch them, but that would be pretty weird, so you resist. She breathes in before saying, “T- thank you, Y/N. We should, uh… Can we...?”

You wait for her to finish, but her eyes just shift around as if she's looking for what she wants to say. You can't help but laugh before nodding. “How does next Sunday sound?”

Her eyes widen but she quickly nods, thankful she wasn't the one that had to say it. “I'd like that.” She says with a soft smile.

You were a bit shocked as she lunged forward, wrapping her arms around you. She didn't give you much time to even process it before she let out a squeak and practically started sprinting to the door at a world record pace. You blink a few times, staring at the floor she just ran through before turning on your heel and walking away. You can tell things will definitely be more lively from now on.

[softie-rain]

Like or Like Like

Pairing: Coriolanus Snow/Sejanus Plinth

Tags: possibly ooc - takes place two years before canon - coryo is weirdly nice - idk guys this is so lovesick and fluffy I'm not used to it

Summary: Having a crush on the handsome boy you share classes with has got to be the most embarrassing thing to happen to someone. Like, seriously: how do you hide it without failing? Or, Sejanus Plinth is caught staring at Coriolanus Snow during class.

Notes: inspired by the headcanon @incorrect-pipravi sent, which you can find here. Was supposed to be a small drabble and instead ended up 2k words (which is shorter than what I usually write anyway.)

Also damn I haven't posted my writing on tumblr since FOREVER it's been ages fr. So this is your reminder that other than bitching about coryo and sej I also write

you can read it on ao3 here

Sejanus kept staring at his reflection in the mirror, fixing his hair. He wasn’t one to usually care about his looks, as long as he looked decent enough to go out in public. But lately he felt like had to be at his best, even going as far as thinking of wearing his favorite sweatshirt (the blue one Coriolanus gave him for his fourteen birthday, he had been the only one to show up at the party he had organized), but the weather was definitely too hot for that one. Besides, the uniform was mandatory at the Academy.

“Sejanus, why are you still here? You have to hurry if you don’t want to be late!” His mother entered the room, looking at him with worry. Sejanus turned with an apologetic look.

“Don’t worry ma’. I’ll be fine.” He said. Mrs. Plinth nodded and walked over to him, patting him on his back.

“You look perfect, darling. I’m sure this secret girl you seem to like so much will adore you!”

“Ma’!” Sejanus heavily blushed, gently pushing his mother away in embarrassment. The old woman chuckled, smiling at her son.

“There’s no need to be ashamed of it. Everyone has their first crush at some point.” She said, trying to reassure her son. Sejanus wanted to laugh. Of course his mother didn’t know. There was no way she could have found out on her own, and he never said anything. She was convinced Sejanus was in love with a girl from the Academy, and he surely wasn’t going to be the one to break the news to her that said girl was actually Coriolanus Snow.

He wasn’t sure his ma’ would have minded actually. She thought Coriolanus was a good boy, and even his father appreciated him. Yet Sejanus had never told them the truth, and he wasn’t going to. Whether out of shame, or fear, it didn’t matter.

Sejanus shook his head, ignoring his mother’s comment. “I better get going now or, as you said, I’m going to be late. See you later ma’.” He said, waving at her as he walked out of the apartment.

After the short drive to the Academy he ran up the stairs rushing to get to class, even if there was no need to. They had assigned seats, he knew he'd end up sitting next to Coriolanus either way. But he also wanted to chat before class started, and Coryo always seemed to arrive awfully early, for some unknown reason.

When he finally got in the room he smiled upon noticing the curly haired boy with his head down in the textbook, probably revising for the lecture of the day. Coriolanus was a perfectionist like that, always studying, making sure everything he did was excellent, especially when it came to the Academy and his studies. Sejanus was pretty sure he had never failed one single class.

Clemensia Dovecote hadn't either, but she didn't put in half the effort Coriolanus did. Coriolanus Snow always worked much more than what was required, sometimes Sejanus wondered if it was because he wanted to be better than everyone else. Or maybe he just craved academic validation.

Either way, Sejanus thought it was extremely attractive. When he was always so carefully focused in class, and Sejanus so carefully focused on him. The way he'd bite his lip when he tried to get a particularly difficult subject, his small frown when he didn't understand something. A barely perceptible one, that he tried to hide to not show that he was confused but that Sejanus could see anyway. If he paid as much attention to the lesson as he did to Coriolanus he'd probably ace every class he took.

But Coriolanus was much more interesting than whatever Mrs. Click could ever blather about, right?

“Morning Coryo.” He greeted him, sitting next to him.

“Morning.” Coriolanus replied, without looking up from his book.

Sejanus bit his lip, trying to think of something to say to keep the conversation going. “What are you reading?”

“History of Panem.”

“You don't need to revise, I'm sure you'll do great as always.” Sejanus told him, smiling, thinking he'd complimented him. But Coriolanus sighed.

“That doesn't mean I'll stop studying for the exam.” He replied coldly, probably annoyed Sejanus interrupted him. So he nodded and left him to read, at least until Professor Demigloss arrived and started his lesson.

Sejanus tried to pay attention, he really did, but his eyes were drawn in as if by magnets to Coriolanus’ beautiful blonde curls that so gracefully fell on his face. Sejanus observed as he moved them away, his blue eyes focused on the board in front of him. He also noticed as Coriolanus started chewing on his pen while listening to Demigloss’ - rather boring - explanation.

Sejanus found himself wondering what it would have been like to kiss him, to have those lips on his. Would he have bit down on Sejanus’ lips the same way he was biting down the pen? Would he have been rough, or sweet and soft?

He always assumed Coriolanus was a rough lover, but he couldn't know for sure, maybe he would-

“Mr. Plinth, I believe the board is here and not where Mr. Snow is sitting.”

The professor's voice made him snap out of his lovefool trance, and Sejanus’ head immediately turned to face Professor Demigloss, who looked rather annoyed. He felt his cheeks grow warm, and he knew he was probably the same color as his Ma’ tomatoes when they were mature. He muttered an apology and looked down at his notes-less book, too embarrassed to meet anyone's eyes.

He could hear his classmates snicker, and he knew they wouldn't easily make him forget this. But, gosh, the worst were Coriolanus’ eyes on him.

Sejanus could basically feel his gaze, burning like his stare alone was setting him on fire, and he wanted nothing more than to get up and leave the room.

The rest of the class went on painfully slowly, Sejanus could have sworn it lasted hours. As soon as Demigloss dismissed them he instantly got up, packed his bag and left, ignoring Festus calling for him and rushing out before anyone else could make fun of him. Especially Coriolanus.

Truthfully he didn't think Coriolanus would. He never joined in with the others - especially Festus and Arachne - when they talked about him behind his back or made fun of him, ever since they were kids, so he didn't see why he'd start now. Either way, Sejanus couldn't stand the confrontation to test his assumption.

He tried to ignore Coriolanus the best he could the rest of the day, and he thought he managed. But then Coryo stopped him at the Academy entrance, right when he was about to leave once all of his classes were over.

“Sejanus? Can we talk?”

Sejanus shrugged, trying to play it dumb. Maybe if he pretended nothing happened Coriolanus would forget about it. “S-sure. About what?” He said, praying his voice didn't sound as high pitched to Coriolanus as it did to him.

“Uh, the history project we have to do? I thought maybe we could work on it together.”

Sejanus sighed in relief, covering it with a cough. He cleared his throat before raising his eyebrow. “History project?”

Coriolanus nodded. “Yes. Professor Demigloss talked about it today in class. Or were you too busy staring at me to pay attention to him?” He asked, grinning.

Sejanus started blushing, his eyes widening as his mind tried to come up with some excuse or at least a way to get out of that situation. His palms were getting sweaty and he could feel the panic rising up in his chest. “Oh, uhm, no. Obviously, I was listening. I was-”

“Sej relax. I'm just teasing.” Coriolanus interrupted him, his grin only growing wider. “So? What do you say about the project?”

Sejanus thought it was weird how Coriolanus didn't seem to mind it, but definitely didn't complain. If his friend was cool about it, then he was going to be as well. He nodded, avoiding eye contact. “Of course.”

“Great. It's due tomorrow so the sooner we start working on it the better.” Sejanus gave him a short smile, agreeing with him.

“I'd suggest going over at my place, but the cleaners are around today. They’re usually very invasive, I don’t want them scooping around while we study.” He explained, sounding annoyed. Sejanus nodded, understanding his problem. He had the same struggles with his own cleaners, though usually they left him alone when he asked.

“It’s okay, I get that. Maybe we could study at my place then?” He suggested, trying not to blush again at the thought of him and Coriolanus alone in his bedroom. Coriolanus didn’t seem to notice his struggles at keeping his cool and nodded, mumbling a ‘sure’ before following Sejanus outside where his driver was waiting for him.

Sejanus spent the drive to his house in silence, hoping his mother had gone through with her plan for the day and was out shopping. He wanted to avoid any awkward meeting between her and Coryo. But of course, when they got into his apartment, there she stood in the kitchen waiting for her beloved son. “Sejanus? Is that you?” She asked, walking over to them. Her eyes slightly widened in surprise when she noticed Coriolanus with him. “Oh! I didn’t know you were going to have friends over. Hi, Coriolanus.”

Coriolanus smiled at the woman. “Hello Mrs. Plinth. Sorry for intruding.” He said, giving Sejanus’ mother an apologetic look.

“Oh nonsense. I was about to leave anyway, I need to buy some new clothes for little Sej here.” She said smiling. Sejanus felt as if his skin was on fire at his ma’ words, and he could see in the corner of his eyes Coriolanus trying not to laugh.

“Okay well me and Coryo will be studying in my bedroom, see you later ma’.” He said quickly, wanting to get out of that situation as soon as possible. Once they got to his room they immediately started working on the project, neither of them wanting to waste any more time. Coriolanus shared his notes with Sejanus since he had taken none during class, too busy staring at Coryo.

The evening went on uneventfully, they spent most of it on the books with one snack break where Sejanus offered Coriolanus the cookies he had baked the day before, which the blonde boy seemed to most definitely appreciate considering the eager way he was eating them.

Sejanus was sitting on his bed while Coriolanus was at his desk, leaning on the chair. They were almost done with the school work when Coriolanus spoke. “Why were you staring at me?” Sejanus blushed and dropped his pen on the floor, immediately picking it up as if the falling object could have been a new source of embarrassment for him. “Earlier, in class.” He added, as if he needed a reminder of what Coriolanus was talking about.

“Uhm…” Sejanus didn't know what to say. He avoided the subject all day. He knew it was impossible for Coryo to forget about it so quickly but he wasn't expecting him to bring it up now either. Especially since he had sounded fine with the situation that morning.

Coriolanus must have noticed Sejanus was rather uncomfortable, because he immediately specified, “I'm not making fun of you for it. I'm just curious. Did I have something on my face?”

He was smiling, but Sejanus wasn’t sure it was meant to be a joke. More of a light comment to put him at ease. Though he didn't work he appreciated the effort, so much he thought Coriolanus deserved the truth, or at least half of it. Sejanus had never been good at lying anyway.

“No, nothing like that. Honestly? I was looking at your hair. And your eyes.” He confessed, avoiding the other's gaze.

Coriolanus frowned. “My eyes?”

“Yeah. They're very… blue. And pretty. It's like staring at the ocean, or the clear sky. Sorry, I know it's dumb. Just got caught up in my thoughts I guess.” Sejanus mumbled, drawing doodles on his hands as he tried to fight the urge to ramble out dumb excuses that would have led Coriolanus to realize he had a crush on him.

He had just admitted he thought his eyes were pretty, could it get worse than that?

Fortunately he didn't have to find out because Coriolanus simply nodded and dropped the subject. Sejanus didn't say anything either, but when he raised his eyes again and saw Coriolanus bouncing his leg nervously under the desk he could have sworn he saw his cheeks growing red, though he was clearly trying to hide it.

Sejanus smiled and looked down, going back to check his notes, when Coriolanus spoke again. “I like your eyes too.” He said, catching Sejanus by surprise.

“They're this dark brown color that gets lighter if you observe them under the sunlight. They look like milk chocolate chips.” Coriolanus commented, never once switching his position or raising his head to look at Sejanus as she talked. “I love chocolate.” He said, and it was clearly the end of their conversation on the matter.

He loves chocolate. He loves my eyes.

The thought kept playing loud in Sejanus’ head as he tried hard to stop his blushing, failing miserably. Maybe that day hadn't been so terrible after all.

[midnighthwng]

look up // 2min

soulmates will always find their way back to each other. no matter what.

₊˚.⋆ pairing: lee know + seungmin

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ genre: angst + comfort

₊˚.⋆ warning/s: major character death (i promise i make up for it)

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ word count: 3.1k

₊˚.⋆ ao3 link

──────────

it’s late. 

minho and seungmin are driving down some wet road after a little vacation to minho’s hometown, a celebration of sorts, because minho’s graduating next year and seungmin is... well, still in his second year. but it was an academic year that they both worked hard on. that, in seungmin’s book, was something worth taking a vacation for. 

“i think that’s dumb,” minho playfully snaps. of course, he can’t ever truly be mad at the sweet and dandy man in the passenger seat, who he considers himself lucky to regard as his boyfriend.

seungmin is giggling as he says, “anything i say is dumb to you, but you’re actually thinking i’m right.” 

minho shakes his head for the nth time in the conversation, probably a bit too much for someone holding the wheel. “why would i agree that i’d be a shark in my next life? i’m obviously gonna be a cat.”

“just because you like cats now, doesn’t mean you’ll be them when you’re reborn,” seungmin tutted. neither of them really remember how the conversation started, but when you’ve been on the road for more than an hour, anything can serve an interesting topic. especially for these two.

“i think sharks are pretty cool, but the only thing i have in common with them is that we don’t like humans.”

seungmin gasps in faux offense, twisting his torso to face the older. “you don’t like me, honey?”

“you’re less of a bother than all the others out there,” he rolls his eyes.

“you don’t like hyunjin? or jisung? or chan-hyung?” seungmin prods. his face was getting closer and minho could consider it a driving hazard, because god knows he’s trying his best to repress the urge to kiss him on his stupid, pretty face.

he can’t stop the smile from spreading because of the question though, but he holds in his laugh. “now you’re just guilt-tripping me.”

seungmin giggles his way back to sitting properly, the tight seatbelt causing a bit of a strain to his neck because of his antics. 

“kidding, as always. well, how about me? what would i be in my next life?” ah, so that’s how the debate began.

minho scoffs. “dog. easily.”

“what breed?”

“do you have to be so thorough?” he’s laughing now, both at the ridiculous topic and how adorable seungmin is acting. “golden retriever.”

“you’re so basic!” seungmin is laughing, too, though there wasn’t really anything funny about it. there was something in the air that causes them to act like fools in love everytime they’re together. at this point, it’s probably not an act anymore, really. “i’m totally gonna bite you if i see you in my canine form.”

“goldens don’t bite,” minho quips. 

they probably can, he thinks in his head, but they both throw whatever at each other if it means winning the argument. with love, of course. they haven’t had a serious fight in years, save for the first few times they met. 

how was seungmin supposed to know that minho was looking him up and down because he had never seen someone so adorable but so hot at the same time, and not because he wanted to coax him into a fist fight? that night ended with multiple bruises, but the month ended in tears of laughter when minho finally gained the balls to tell seungmin how he really felt that night and how he felt about him in general. truly a textbook love story.

“well, i will!” seungmin punches the other’s arm lightly. probably not safe for a slippery road, but no harm was done. 

minho rolls his eyes, “whatever. and stop talking like you’ll get reincarnated before me. we’re going together.”

“bit dark, hyung,” the younger comments but still a bit giggly. “and you know that’s not what i meant.”

minho starts sniffling and faking sobs, wiping away non-existent tears. “i’ll be lonely without you, honey.”

“stop!” seungmin busts out laughing again. “and keep your eyes on the road and hands on the wheel, it’s slippery out here.”

minho wishes he had listened. 

the next thing he knew, they’re surrounded by blinding white, and monitors are beeping around them, and he thinks he hears hushed voices here and there. he wasn’t sure what was real and what was only imagined by him. he’s sure, however, of the painfully crimson hand he was clutching, cold and unconscious.

“i’m so stupid, fuck... please...” he pleads to seungmin. tears and blood and snot getting everywhere, but why would that ever matter when his lover was getting weaker and weaker right in front of him? “i’m so sorry, please stay with me... say something!”

his eyes widen at his own tone. “no, no, i didn’t mean to yell... just please...” he feels a pinch of movement under his tight grip and the world spins a little slower.

“h-hyung...” seungmin tries, but coughs blood on minho’s cheek with how close he is. 

“minnie?” 

“hyung.”

“i’m here, baby. talk to me, go on.” minho becomes decreasingly aware at how desperate he sounds. everything in his world has shrunk to only them. only seungmin and minho.

and the pristine sheets stained with red that came from whatever wounds they’ve both sustained from the crash. and the god awful beeping machine next to them. which he doesn’t realize was picking up speed. “-back t’ you.”

“what?” minho clutches the younger’s hand tighter, too tight for a weakened body, but neither of them mention it. “you can do it.”

“i’ll... i’ll come back. to you,” seungmin finally breathes out. no one’s counting how many minutes it took. “promise... wait for me.”

minho’s breathing is chopped up and unstable and he should probably be in another hospital bed getting his own condition checked, but nothing matters to him but seungmin, not even his own health. “stop. stop that. you’re not leaving me, don’t leave me.” 

“i can’t.”

“you can. be strong for me, please.” his eyesight is starting to wither because of how much he’s cried in the past ten minutes, maybe thirty. 

“no i,” seungmin is trying to wheeze now, if not for his punctured lungs that make it all the more difficult. “i can’t breathe, hyung.”

minho adjusts himself so they’re even more in each other’s faces. “do it with me. come on.” the heart monitor is getting rapid now, and the sound finally registers in minho’s ears and in his brain. “inhale, exhale, inhale, seungmin!” 

a single tear makes its way down seungmin’s cheek. “i love you.” 

“i lov- no, seungmin, please. please!”

... 

arms grab minho by the shoulders and he’s sure he knocked someone’s teeth out until his vision completely goes dark.

-

minho stares at the clock. he’s been waiting for something, but he has already forgotten. it’ll probably come to remind him of itself later.

then the calendar right below it. plus one to the year since he’s been on autopilot. exactly, too , he realizes, as he fixates on the bold letters that spell out the fifth month of the year. 

he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket before he hears the ringtone, set to an audio he had labelled ‘important, pick up’ . robotically, he ‘accepts’ and brings the speaker to his ear. “what?”

“i’ll be there to pick up the stuff soon,” the voice speaks. it belongs to him and seungmin’s best friend, or one of them, hyunjin.

“sure.” he zones out on a piece of plastic that landed on the foot of his coffee table. their coffee table. how does he describe the things in his own home anymore? was it even a home at all, when the thing he called home was personified by the tall and handsome brunette, and had perished in his arms?

“hyung.” hyunjin sounds urgent to an outside ear, but minho can hear the pity laced in a single word.

“hm.”

“is everything ready, i said?”

“yeah. yeah.”

he’s not sure if a whole minute passes before hyunjin asks the dreaded “how are you doing?” question. at least it wasn’t “are you okay?” this time.

“next question,” he says blandly instead.

“hyung...”

“stop. i’m fine.” he isn’t. they both know it. but who can blame them for trying to avoid the reality?

“...okay.” there’s a knock at the door. minho doesn’t immediately realize it’s hyunjin. “open the door.”

he hauls himself to the door and opens it to hyunjin, who wears a blank face. but minho can see it in his glossy eyes, what he wants to say. “i’m sorry.”

instead, hyunjin’s mouth opens with “let’s get these downstairs.” ‘these’ pertaining to the half dozen boxes of seungmin’s stuff that took a lot of time, sweat, and tears from minho to pack up. 

it’s sunny when they step out from the apartment. minho wishes he could say he hadn’t been outside in months, but life required him to drag his body to get necessities every once in a while. 

he’s not sure what’s been pushing him to keep going. maybe he hopes seungmin is proud of him for doing so. maybe he hopes seungmin will keep his promise. 

no one can fault minho for believing it. seungmin had always been a man of his word.

he’s only brought out of his thoughts because hyunjin halted right in front of him, almost dropping his stack of boxes. “hey, puppy, puppy!”

minho looks over hyunjin’s slouched figure to see a dog. quite big, but he guesses golden retrievers grow fast. 

must be at least a year old, he muses. the dog knocks minho out of his observation when it jumps onto him, promptly fully knocking over his boxes. “what’s the deal?”

he can tell hyunjin’s holding his laughter when he helps him pick up the stuff that spilled out from one of the containers. the tape must have gotten loose.

they’re almost done when gold shines in minho’s peripheral. he picks up a necklace; simple, flat heart with a small “M” engraved on the center. 

he doesn’t realize he’s tearing up until hyunjin speaks, “hey, you okay?”

“no- yes.” liar. “yeah. this... i gave it to him. for our anniversary.”

hyunjin raises his brows, the way he does when he encounters something shocking or obvious. “keep it. why is it even in one of these?”

“i don’t know...” minho sighs. he doesn’t know what he would have done if he realized too late that he threw this away. “i just packed without paying attention, i guess.”

“you should have called us for help. you always can, alright?” the younger finishes up with the one box and sets a hand on minho’s shoulder. “even if it’s been a whole year since you talked to us...”

minho can’t look anywhere near hyunjin in shame. “i know. and i’m sorry about that.”

“hey, no worries,” he tries chasing minho’s line of sight, offering a small smile. “i know it’s been hard. we loved him, too.”

minho swallows a lump in his throat. how long had that been building up? “yeah. thanks.”

the dog, who minho already forgot about in their exchange, approaches them, specifically the hand that minho still clutched the gold necklace in. it sniffs up and down on it, then suddenly snatches it and runs off.

“hey!” minho shouts, running after it. hyunjin has half a mind to be sensitive and not pull out his phone to film this. he thinks it would have been funny any other day, though.

the two run around the block until the dog, annoyingly, settles right in front of the apartment’s entrance. minho heaves and pulls the jewelry back out from the dog’s mouth. he doesn’t mind the slobber getting all over him for some reason. he even pockets the necklace.

“don’t take things that aren’t yours,” he scolds. he comes back to hyunjin actually giggling his ass off now and pulls him up by the collar to finally put the rest of the boxes into the car.

“thank you, hyunjin,” he whispers. sincerely so, as if thanking him for something else other than helping him pack up. and maybe he was.

hyunjin smiles a little brighter than earlier. “always, hyung. i’m also just a phone call away if you need someone to talk to. me and the others.” 

minho nods. “i’ll remember.”

they go in for a hug, hyunjin tightening his hold a little more. when they let go, it’s like a light bulb flickers on top of the younger’s head. “it’s changbin-hyung’s birthday soon! come see usss.”

“i’ll try.” and that’s all hyunjin needed to hear before he beams at him and finally drives off.

minho hears a whimper beside him and realizes-

“you’re still here?” he asks the dog, as if it’ll respond. but honestly, it might as well have understood him, because it whimpers again and marches toward the entrance of the building.

“who are your owners...? whatever, come on, get inside.”

minho wouldn’t do it normally, letting random dogs (or a dog in general) inside his house, but there was something about this one that he couldn’t resist. call him crazy, but the dog appears to be smiling when it looks up at him, and it’s ruining his heart. when they enter the apartment, it even waits for minho to enter before it shuffles its big paws inside, too. 

“it’s not much,” he’s still talking to it, “not anymore.”

minho watches as the dog prances around the living room. there’s a table near the tv, low enough that it could sniff the few picture frames displayed on it. to minho’s confusion, it whimpers at the pictures.

“what’s wrong? you don’t like them?” his brows furrow into each other as he picks one up. “i think we look alright here.” 

in the frame, the wind was a little too strong to the point of knocking seungmin’s hat into the air, making for a perfect candid shot of the two of them chasing it. they knew it was a good decision to tag hyunjin along that picnic date.

the dog nudges another one of the frames until it falls, concerning minho even more. it was one of seungmin’s, a shot of him facing the sun setting while they were on a bridge somewhere. he definitely did not force minho to take that fake candid shot. 

minho crouches to pick it up and replace both frames onto the desk. the dog noses at his pocket and whimpers again. “jeez. i may not know much about dogs, but do you guys really cry this much...?”

he thinks for a moment before dialing on his phone and waiting probably half a second before hyunjin picks up. “hey, you know that dog earlier?”

“uh, yeah, what about it?”

“he keeps following me around and crying at our stuff,” he comments. the dog is just looking at the pictures again. 

“you let it in your house?”

“well, i wasn’t gonna leave it out in the heat...”

“...sure, hyung. what breed was it again?”

“it’s a golden.” minho was about to ask why it could have possibly mattered, when it clicks. “golden retriever. i gotta call you back.”

“hyung-” and all hyunjin hears is the line dropping.

minho starts petting the dog, to its joy. “you recognize this guy?” it whimpers again before it starts looking around the house. “you have some really odd qualities...”

it leaves minho’s hold and starts trotting toward their shared bedroom. it looks untouched, bedsheets laying undisturbed, but a layer of dust collecting over that. dust covering everything, really. he’d started sleeping on the couch, the fear of his own memories of him and seungmin in that bedroom and on that bed being too much to bear to be able to sleep in there again.

“you won’t find any treats here, if that’s what you want,” he follows anyways. the dog stops in front a packed box. “shit, we must have missed this one,” he sighs.

the dog paws at it, like it was saying “open it” or something crazy in minho’s head. so, he does.

inside, they find a polaroid camera, and a bunch of photos scattered under it. guess i left this here on purpose. he and the dog sit down next to the box as he shuffles through the photos. well, more like showcases them to his new friend.

“this was from our trip to jeju. we were with our best friends.” he chuckles and points to a part in the photo, “you can kind of see them in the back here.”

shifting to another film, “a picnic near han river. he said he loved this place the most, ‘cause the sky is always so pretty when you look up.” 

a tear is trekking down his face now, multiple following after. the dog whimpers at the sight. “i miss him. he’s probably happy in the sky, since he loves it so much.”

the dog is pawing at him, quite rough with how big its paws are and how textured probably from walking around on the street. where did this thing come from, again?

“what?” minho asks it, then suddenly, it’s jumping on him and licking all over his face. minho can’t bring himself to be disgusted over it, but he’s still confused as fuck. “hey buddy, we just met.”

that seems to trigger something in the dog’s mind, because now it’s sitting and whimpering and probably on the verge of barking at minho. “we just met, like an hour ago. I’m not your owner, you don’t know me-”

and it’s barking, really loudly. right in his face. “now you’re just being mean, puppy,” he chuckles. the dog makes a sound akin to a human huff and looks around again. 

it knocks the box over, spilling the photos out, and minho watches in amusement as it seems to be looking for something specific. it gently grabs one into its mouth and nudges it into minho’s hand.

a picture from when they went on vacation to gimpo. that same day... “why did you give me this?”

it’s like it's losing patience when the dog steps onto the pocket where the necklace still is. minho takes it out, and the dog whimpers at it again.

his tears are still flowing when he starts laughing. “i’m gonna get called insane.” the dog’s head tilts.

“...seungminnie?”

rapidly, the dog’s tail is wagging and he jumps back onto minho to knock them both flat on the floor, licking and barking (happily, of course) in his face. 

“what the hell,” he exclaims, still laughing at how ridiculous this all seems to be. “your next life.”

the dog stops his movements and just lays on minho. he really looks like he’s smiling at me. he almost can’t breathe under the dog’s weight and because of the snot building up in his nose, but he can’t bring himself to care. 

“surely took you long enough,” he breathes. the dog smacks him in the face with that big paw of his, and minho’s crying even harder because that’s exactly what he would expect seungmin to do.

“kidding, as always. hm...” he trails, scratching softly behind the dog’s ears. 

“i’ll call you sky.”

──────────

☾₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆

i hope i actually made up for the mcd aha i don't usually write angst (i've never even written it without the fluff to counter it) but i really like how this one turned out.

it was originally written for a scriptwriting class i had, so if it had a little too much dialogue, that's why (i tried my best converting it into para forms o7)

thanks for reading :D thinking of putting my other fics on tumblr too but if u'd like to read them while they aren't here yet, they're on my ao3 already :)

⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊☽

[misscammiedawn]

what is your hypno origin story? (have you shared it before?)

Cobbled together from some old posts, as I couldn't find a definitive "this is our origin" post:

From our post on why we love Hypnotic Theory

My earliest days online I remember reading up on subliminal advertising techniques and going down a rabbit hole of "Painted Ice Cubes" and other such things which seemed too weird to be true.

From there I ended up reading Subliminal Seduction in my late teens out of curiosity and was kind of fascinated by the concepts at play. I was already well and truly fascinated with hypnosis but hypnosis was this magical spell that was cast by magicians. This psuedo-science of advertising execs promising that glimpses of sharks and phallus' would unlock the secrets to sales was my first and unfortunate step into understanding the theory behind it all.

Next step was of course M.K Ultra which is 100% a meme in today's hypnokink community and at best an aesthetic for serious torture-brainwashing play which is at a much higher level of anything than I'm really capable of. But it cited itself. Which got me looking into the history of Mesmer and Braid and then onto a bloke named Milton Erickson...

Archive.org had a lot of his stuff. In fact all of his stuff.

Between Erickson in my textbooks and Derren Brown on my television, right at the start of his career when the fascination of mentalism was still tied heavily to hypnosis (and early Derren Brown was a Fae and a bit of an ass XD) my earliest teachers were pretty bad at consent. Which lead to certain expectations of hypnosis which lead to me picking bad partners at the start of my career.

But Erickson's stuff compelled me.

Early 20s Camden used a lot of Ericksonian speech patterns in her play. Though back then she was only really hypnotizing people under compulsion and usually while hypnotized to channel or outright become a character.

The fact I read medical journals is the moment I knew this fascination had evolved into a life altering obsession. That this was my One Thing.

It was the studies of Erickson working on participants with amputated limbs to study the phantom limb theory that really got me to sit up and pay attention to the science behind it.

At this point of my life I'd been studying on surgeries being performed with hypnosis (a terrifying concept. When I have my surgery I will be hypnotized to go under for the anesthesia like a good girl) and I had seen EKG readings that proved that hypnosis changes the way that the brain scans.

Every step of my life I have leaned on evidence and proof and every step of my study into hypnosis taught me it was not fantasy. It was reality and the more I accepted that the better I was at both hypnotizing, free of doubt and insecurity, and being hypnotized, trusting it works.

I still struggle with that. A lot. Thinking I am just acting or following along. But the more I read the better I feel.

I got my certification at the age of 23. I am not a fan of George Kappas (his work is misogynistic to my eyes) but his school taught me for a year (one of my classmates and the person I studied with for my finals is actually another high profile member of the online hypnosis community) and taught me the most important lesson any school has ever taught me:

I ALREADY KNOW THIS.

I was 23 years old and knew as much as the instructors. That was a good feeling.

Also my classmate and I are still friends. We're not super close, but she and I are in contact. I spent some time with them at a recent hypnosis event. It means a lot to me that even though my name and gender changed, they still remember me.

In my 30s I moved on from academic hypnosis materials to community driven information. I have read Lee & Pynch's book on Amnesia, sleepingirl's Brainwashing and NLP books and of course Wiseguy's Mind Play. I've also taken Wiseguy's class, though didn't bother taking my final. Which was a good use of $1,200.

Every now and again Sleepyhead will show up and just put a book in my hand. I think her copy of The Encyclopedia of Stage Hypnotism has graduated into my copy of The Encyclopedia of Stage Hypnotism (Sleepy, you can have your books back at any time).

These days I am lazy and can't really read much. I'm studying therapy more than anything with my latest obsessions being Janina Fischer and Melissa Tiers; Tiers herself being a world class hypnotist that many of our top community members have spent big bucks to train under.

-

From our post on Truth Spells

My earliest hypno-fantasy was to have a hypnotherapist ask me if I was in love with someone (who I did not really have feelings for, but social pressure and all that jazz) and I kept that silly little 14 year old's dream in my heart.

-

From a set of Hypno Asks

1. How long have you been into hypnosis?

Since I was a teenager at least. I used to fantasize about hypnotherapists taking me deep and asking me the truth to questions which were too emotionally complex for me to untangle myself. I used to stare out of windows and think of pendulums and grandfather clocks. I got into the hypnosis community when I was about 19 via Yahoo Groups and kinda followed the growth and pilgramage from platform to platform.

I guess I did kind of get the therapist honesty thing happen to me one time, but that's another story and you'll have to ask for it specifically.

2. Describe your first experience with hypnosis

I remember when I was young I couldn't really move my computer or stretch audio cables, so I needed to make a little cot for myself in the corner of the room. I was awful in my early days. Just listened to files without care for my safety. I just wanted an escape. I bought 45 minute files. I recall one framed like a bank heist with pink mist seeping into the vault of my brain to change things. Predated Inception, even. I was always scared neighbors would hear so I put the speakers on the ground and pulled headphones in and just slept away. I had tons of rituals in the early days, scented candles, boiling baths, anything to try and make it work better. I was AMAZING at visualizing back in those days. I would just get absorbed in the fantasy.

My first interactive partner was an RP buddy on Yahoo Groups who became my first Master. He kept me for about 5 years. I adored him. Did everything he wanted. Even to my own detriment. He was an awful human. I am ashamed I followed him.

My first IRL session was with the woman I married. There was the golden glow of an American sunset pouring through her window as the heaviness of a 12 hour journey across the planet to see her was catching up with me. Her parents were going to drop me off at the hotel to sleep. She thought she could keep me there with her if I fell asleep. She stroked my brow. Cooed for me to just relax. I sank into her lap. It was pure peace and serenity. She tells me she snuck in our first kiss while I was under.

3. Are there any TV shows/movies/books you liked when you were younger that you think got you into hypnosis?

There was like a Magic Block on TV when I was growing up. Masked Magician SECRETS UNVEALED, Sabrina the Teenage Witch and The Hypnotic World of Paul McKenna. I watched every week and was fascinated. I loved magic as a child. But it was all the mystic allure and not real. At least until one of my mum's friends was telling her about being on the McKenna show, a show where they hypnotize people in the audience and do skits. British Broadcast Standards do not allow the airing of any hypnosis so they always made it seem secret and taboo, hidden behind a blurry screen and mum's friend had THE SECRETS. So I listened (she had a Pepsi that night so couldn't go on stage) and was just fascinated. It was not just real magic, it was something that could work on anyone. That real person who was in my life had witnessed it and could have "gone under". I remember my obsession was born in the childish awe of that story.

That should cover it, I believe.

[system-of-a-feather]

Honestly, the thing about DID that I've come to find as a part that did an absurd amount of work during the "survival era" - literally playing caretaker, soother, primary protector, makeshift-gatekeeper, relationship mediator, and academic protector when our polyfragmented system was more or less shut down to a system of 2 with wild intrusions - and having carried us to keep a good grade during all the crisises that happened in our undergrad as we started DID-centered therapy - is that the difficulty of life with DID is honestly just very very front loaded but in turn relatively "easy" if / when you manage to survive that front loaded opening.

This isn't to say "DID makes your life easier when you get past the sheer survival phase and get to a place of stability" but more so that the sheer amount of skill and difficulty you've had to survive and grow accustomed to in order to GET to stability makes almost everything look like a bit of a joke.

It is very hard to get through that period, it is extremely painful and honestly, the unfortunate thing is that it is fatal to some - but by the time you come out on the other end.... it's almost honestly boring before it becomes peaceful with just how pathetically simple "huge stressors" are in comparison.

I've carried 500 roles all on once while trying to keep intruding parts' messes limited back when we really had to go into our denial phase of DID in late high school. I kept our grades up during active multi-level abuse and codependent friendships and so many massive crisises. I got us academically through our bachelors degree and the first 5+ years of therapy AND Covid. I've gotten up the next morning after a flight and two or three breakdowns and took an organic chemistry final and did plenty of well.

Am I genuinely supposed to be worried about a simple GRE test with only a few days notice? Of course that should be stressful, of course that should bother me, most people it should - but honestly? Compared to the absurd feats I've done in the name of survival both for myself and the system, and the absurd feats I've done in the name of flourishing - its honestly a cake walk.

At this point, as a part, very little compares to the hardest periods of our life and honestly, it both kind of leaves me under fulfilled as a part that really likes projects and working on things. It's a large reason why I've taken a lot more fun and fulfillment in watching the "kids" grow and learn things on their own and serving as an advisor / mentor when they really find themselves stuck.

My confidence and security in handling these sorts of things used to actually depress me as we got into a better life, but honestly, it's a lot more fun sitting back and being the parent to the hosts and "new generation" of parts because its both more interesting and it's honestly just really fulfilling to be able to be that safe and secure base for ourselves that we never had. And I am not meaning in the sense of a protector and caregiver - that is too over bearing and obligatory. I more so just mean like a genuine parent to fledgling birds.

The diligence and long run game of watching them flail around a bit sillily as they figure out how to fly on their own. Keeping them safe but not so much that they never learn to fend for their own. I don't know, call me old, I'm retired in this brain for the most part, but its something I really enjoy honestly.

Any how, I apologize some for the amount of times I say "honestly" and the overall formal speech, I used to joke about it being my "speech impediment" because I can't help it - but Riku and co recently found out that is ACTUALLY a speech impediment common with autism called "stilted speech" so I guess.... it unironically is my speech impediment. (/half serious /lh)

[rbelle310]

Ushijima's known Iwaizumi for 6 years, but the definition of 'knowing' was more like a vague awareness. He puts a name to a face and a position behind the veil of a volleyball net and that's about it.

To the Ushijima Wakatoshi of Shiratorizawa, Seijoh's Iwaizumi Hajime is filed in a folder titled 'almost'. He was 'almost' six feet tall, he was 'almost' good enough to be great in no small part due to his setter.

There's no malice to the way Ushijima composes these little factoids. But after they cross paths in CA, Wakatoshi starts to notice some other things.

Unlike the exaggerated disdain showered on him by Oikawa or the intimidated awe he's often subject to by his peers and kohai, Iwaizumi is surprised to meet Wakatoshi but unruffled in making conversation and maybe even pleased to see a familiar face.

It's not the disquieting confidence radiated by the concrete crows either, it's something calmer, more comfortable. Wakatoshi isn't prepared to admit it yet, but he's a little ashamed of how he categorised the other man.

The only 'almost' here is how Wakatoshi 'almost' had an idea of what Iwaizumi was, and it turns out it was mostly wrong.

He learns that Iwaizumi is finishing up his 2nd year in the department of sports sciences at Waseda, he learns that Iwaizumi still occasionally plays a few casual matches with other faculty students and works part time at a physical therapy clinic ('mostly clerical' he admits).

He used his earnings to come all the way to the US to meet Wakatoshi's father and tour the campus to figure out his next academic step.

Iwaizumi works hard and sets difficult but realistic goals, he's mature but still knows how to have fun. Iwaizumi is kind, helpful and attentive to everyone, even total strangers and he does it as naturally as breathing.

"I don't really get to watch games live lately." Iwaizumi confesses a little embarrassedly on the second day they happen to meet for coffee on campus.

Between work and everything else, he catches the occasional online replay on the train while commuting or on the weekend while he relaxes.

Plus he can't afford the subscription while saving for all his future plans. Even outside the city, the greater Tokyo area is still quite costly to live in.

Wakatoshi takes the information and files it away. He likes talking to Iwaizumi, it feels like he has a friend again. Not a team-mate, but an actual friend. After coffee, they bid each other goodbye with separate itineraries to complete.

Iwaizumi flies home, Wakatoshi stays on a little longer to enjoy the off season with his father. They both become mostly wrapped up in their own lives again for a time.

A couple of months later, back in Japan, a still-sweaty but victorious Wakatoshi looks up from signing a kid's shirt to meet a familiar pair of brown eyes.

Iwaizumi, hands tucked into the pockets of his dark red Sōdai hoodie, grins at him in that way that makes the corners of his eyes crinkle. "I figured they were from you." he laughs, whipping out the ticket stub from his pocket. "Thanks. It was a good match."

They talk a little, and after some finagling with their terminally busy schedules, they talk some more. Wakatoshi sends more tickets, they meet frequently, sometimes not even after a game.

In fact, they're meeting more outside of the arena these days. Sometimes Iwaizumi has errands to run or things to do, Wakatoshi doesn't mind, he's content to tag along or just hang out while he works. It's relaxing, peaceful even.

Wakatoshi opens a new mental folder. Saitama really isn't that far: Iwaizumi Hajime is 'just' a mere hour away by train. Iwaizumi isn't a mindreader like Tendou, but he always knows 'just' what to say when he's having a rough day.

In fact, he's becoming increasingly convinced that Hajime 'just' gets him, and he thinks he's slowly but surely learning what makes Hajime tick.

One evening, while pressed against each other in the train, a thought occurs to Wakatoshi: Hajime was 'just' tall enough that if he looked up right this moment, Wakatoshi could just dip his head and...

Oh.