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mangozcat · 2 years

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— hello dear readers. this story hits a bit closer to home than the rest. this story, while yes it’s a smut for all of you to read and enjoy, is also one for those bigger girls that just don’t feel like they belong. all of the descriptions you’ll find for the oc are descriptions of my own body and how i see it when i look at myself in the mirror. i just want everyone to know, YOU ARE PERFECT! you are beautiful and loved and you shouldn’t worry about if you fit the standards of people around you. if you don’t fit YOUR standards, that’s what matters. if YOU want to cause change, go for it! but don’t allow others to make you feel the need to change, because you are lovely as you are!!! i love your big thighs and tummy that causes a little bulge if you wear high wasted jeans. i love your smile and your messy hair with split ends. i love your boobs!! (that sounds bad im sorry) and theyre NEVER too big or too small. don’t be ashamed to wear extra big bras or extra big clothes and don’t get yourself down. i love you :)

tw: unhealthy body image

w: softer smut (meaning it isn’t entirely complete and has an open ending for ur imagination), praise, big-bodied reader (so the descriptions during smut are to fit her body so it might be hard to imagine yourself as her), jealous reader, you might dislike this reader because she has a lot of insecurities but tbh i find her realistic lmfao, body worship, jaem is like legit hottest painter ever pls, sexual tension is real oml, slow, unprotected bc like jaemin cum inside is so hot i cry every time, very long but it didnt need to be, i havent written in months pls be nice this might be awful

ok just to like clarify, im still trying to get back into smut so this is more of an easing into it? its quite long and most of it is just story + teasing, sorry to leave anyone hanging :( i just wanna kinda ease back into it, but i still think this is pretty hot tbh lmao

jaemin’s good at painting.

you recognized his talent the day you met him; varying shades of pink and purple mixing with the bright yellow shades and orange hues that created a beautiful sunset. you’d seen it on his canvas that he was carefully dragging up the stairs of the sweet and small cafe across from your college.

then, you saw that same colorful piece strung proudly on the wall behind your favorite table, or well, your now favorite table.

your favorite ever since the painting had been placed there.

he’s gifted; has a talent that few have and/or ever will have within their lifetime, regardless of practice. the saying might be practice makes perfect, but you know no amount of practice will make a painter as perfect as jaemin is.

his brush strokes are soft, yet precise, and he blends color effortlessly. in all your combined hours of watching him work, you’ve never once seen him make a mistake. all of his work turns out perfect, breathtaking, and you’re never not in awe of his abilities.

today, however, you’ve discovered a new talent of his.

body painting.

something you never thought you’d be interested in, yet here you are, watching as his brush draws elegant lines across the toned stomach of his model. her breasts are on full display and while you’re fascinated by the scene, you can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy underneath.

her face remains blank, eyes closed in relaxation and body completely still aside from the occasional ticklish twitch. you wonder how she remains so effortlessly composed, even while knowing that such a beautiful man has his hands so close to every area she typically hides from the outside world, and his eyes darting across every expanse of beautiful pale skin.

not to mention, her body is beautiful, and this is something you cannot deny. she has thicker thighs, though still remaining on the smaller side. her arms are small, but laced with some muscle from her obvious workout routine. her stomach has little fat, though still enough to remind prying eyes that she is, in fact, healthy and eating well. she has perky breasts, but they’re smaller and more fitting to her form, with tiny nipples that stand right up every time jaemin’s brush dances over her chest.

and her face- oh, her face. plump lips and rosy cheeks, hazel eyes, deep brown hair pushed back into a low bun that leaves a few stray strands to frame her face.

jealousy.

there’s that twinge again.

the feeling of anger and envy and desperation all mixed into one, laced thickly with insecurity. insecurity because you know- you know you’ll never compare to her model physique.

korean beauty standards are tough, and yet, that girl seems to fit all of them without trouble. however, as you glance down at your stomach, seeing the bulge in your shirt from where the lower half of your abdomen juts out and rests over the band of your jeans, tears fill your eyes. you know you have big thighs, thighs that shake and jiggle and erupt a loud pop! when you slap them. you know you have sunken eyes from lack of sleep and overwhelming anxiety and puffy cheeks. you know your hair has split ends and is unevenly cut at some lengths, and you know your breasts are larger than others.

you wish you didn’t think like this, but when allowed time to think and remain trapped in your own head for long enough, you have no choice. you don’t fit the standards, you don’t fit jaemin’s standards, and you doubt you fit the standards of anyone in the world.

you hadn’t been paying attention for the remainder of jaemin’s session- not that you wanted to- and had begun to drift off. soon enough, when you heard jaemin and his model begin to converse quietly, almost as if they were trying to make sure you couldn’t hear, you figured your mind was slowly killing you and simply murmured out need fresh air, before you were scurrying out of the room.

there was something unsettling about being in love with an artist. someone that could find beauty in everything and anything, and make the best out of the worst situation.

but when being in love with an artist, among several other insecurities, one always lingered longer than others.

could he find the beauty in you?

if jaemin did feel the same way about you as you felt about him, could he find a way to fix the imperfections? could he repair the broken image you’d been looking at in the mirror for years? could he find a way to mend all the pain, close all the wounds, and top off the scars with pretty, punctual bows as opposed to what you had now: ragged and mangled skin?

of course, it’s all hypothetical, and it all comes back to two questions. could he love you? could he find the beauty in you?

could he love someone incapable of loving themself, and find the beauty in something that has been left out to rot and rust? the beauty even you cannot seem to find, regardless of how many times you attempt to.

you didn’t realize you were shivering. the air was frigid and windy, and you were sure your cheeks had turned a rosy pink due to the exposure. you felt a cough bubble up in your throat and hugged yourself tighter, eyes staring up at the sky.

if jaemin were here, he’d call the sky his blank canvas.

too bad he isn’t- too bad his attention is on the girl with a perfectly sculpted body and a pretty face, and an even prettier voice; and you were sure she had a pretty laugh and a pretty personality to top it off.

jealousy.

“i can’t escape it, can i…” you murmur quietly, referring to the burning feeling blossoming in your gut. a feeling that was traveling through your veins like blood and spreading to every place in your body like wildfire- until it reached your fingertips and you wished you could do something with it.

when you heard his voice, however, it practically fizzled out and you were left frozen once again, lips quivering.

“awfully cold out,” he says, that wistful tone to his voice he seemed to always have. you felt a jacket being placed over your shoulders, and your heart further sank at the idea that it might not fit if you were to attempt to actually wear it.

“you should head back inside, don’t want your pretty face damaged by the cold.”

when hd noticed you weren’t returning his stare, he gently, hesitantly, reached a hand out and cupped your cheek opposite of him. then, as softly as he could, he tugged the skin until you were leaning into his touch, finally meeting his eyes.

“what’s wrong, cherry blossom?”

cherry blossom.

the nickname he’d given you once he discovered your favorite tree- and later created several pieces of art that now adorned your bedroom. the pretty pink petals falling down onto the bright green grass, matched with soft handwriting that read a cherry blossom for my cherry blossom on the bottom.

“she’s pretty,” you muttered, almost disdainfully. you felt awful. here you were, hating on a girl because she was pretty. because no matter how sweet she might be, it doesn’t change the fact that she’s pretty and you don’t think you are- envy has you wrapped around its’ evil finger. “don’t you think?”

“who’s pretty?” jaemin asks curiously, a comforting hand tracing circles into your back.

you withheld a scoff, feeling tears of frustration prick at your eyes. your brown eyes; eyes no match for the beauty of her hazel ones.

“the girl you were painting,” you murmur sadly, trying to ignore the familiar twinge eating away at you.

you didn’t want to compare yourself to the girl, but you couldn’t help it. it happened without you even realizing, and once you figured out what was happening, you were far too gone and the feeling had invaded your mind long enough to twist the facts.

jaemin hums, watching your expression closely.

“well yes, she is pretty,” and once your face falls and your eyes drop to your shoes at his confession, he shakes his head, “but so are you.”

“while she might be the art i painted today, you’re the art i admire every day,” he says slowly, tugging you into his chest. you feel pride swelling in your chest and the tears in your eyes soon turned to tears of indescribable happiness.

“don’t let the fact that i painted her get to your head, yeah?” he whispers, “i really didn’t even look at her unless it was to make sure the piece blended together.”

“she’s just so perfect…” you whimper sadly, “and i guess she just made me realize- well i just felt so ugly next to her.”

you felt a kiss on the top of your head, making your eyes close in content.

“you are not ugly, cherry blossom.”

while you weren’t entirely sure if this entire conversation was a confession of sorts or just friendly reassurance, you didn’t want to overthink it. his words pierced your heart in all the right ways- and you really didn’t want to mess it up.

—

you hadn’t seen jaemin do any more body painting work- or even mention the topic- in a month. he seemed so passionate about it, so his sudden disinterest was shocking to you.

of course, you appreciated it considering you were his assistant and ended up watching him work 99% of the time.

but, still, you did worry deep down.

what if you crushed one of his dreams with your own selfish insecurities?

you still remember when he came running into your apartment with a book on body painting, rushing to explain the art. you really hadn’t understood a word he said at the time, too invested in admiring that one look he always adorned when he was obsessed with something.

and obsession that you envied at the time- could he ever be that obsessed over you?

at some point, could you fill his mind like he filled yours? invade his senses like he invaded your own? if you had one aspiration in your entire lifetime, this would be it: wishing to be someone’s- no, not just anybody’s, you wanted to be na jaemin’s obsession.

a feat that definitely isn’t simple or easy, for that matter.

“have you seen my thin brush?” jaemin suddenly screeches, running into the living room of his (practically yours, too) apartment. “the small one with the angled tip and black bristles?”

your mind blanked. you glanced around at the coffee table, the end tables, and the television stand before scratching your head, “not that i can recall, no.”

“shit,” he cursed, scratching his neck anxiously, “need that brush.”

“okay, this might sound stupid,” you begin, your words slow, “but do you have any extras?”

he shakes his head sadly, as if you’ve scolded him for something he promised he’d do, and later forgot about. “it’s the only brush i didn’t buy an extra of. i always keep it on my desk i didn’t think- i didn’t believe i could lose it!”

“hey, it’s alright, okay?” you whispered, raising from your spot on the couch to approach him in hopes of comforting the clearly confused and upset boy, “i’ll help you find it.”

he looked up at you, his chest heaving from panic-stricken breaths and he frowned, “yeah, yeah- okay.”

with one final comforting pat on the shoulder, you set out to jaemin’s painting room to try and find the brush. you knew which one he was talking about with the descriptions, but if it’s the same you think it is, it’s incredibly small- which will undoubtedly make it tough to find.

in the painting room, as you call it, things look… normal. just like any other painter’s workspace.

jaemin has a board to display his sketches; all hanging up by a tack and some of the pieces are scattered at odd angles. his floor is covered in tarps to protect the wood beneath, and you take note of the paint stains adorning the white material that made loud noises with every step. he had a massive canvas resting against the furthest wall, with varying shades of colors being messily thrown against the piece. perhaps that messy feel was the very thing that made it artistic in his eyes. glancing around, you noticed how every wall had little space on it, instead covered with pieces of his own work and the work of his favorite artists. then, he had a giant table shoved against the wall. there was a case laying open on top, showcasing all of his different brushes; and next to it, an array of paint tubes and cans. even more paint was beneath the table, stacked until it was touching the wood. finally, against the other wall, was his desk. the chair was pulled out at an angle, one you imagined he sat at to think, rather than be crammed up against his desk. stacks of unfinished sketches were lazily strewn around, with a few brushes between the pages. you checked each of them in hopes that the missing brush was here all along, yet you came up empty handed.

while jaemin’s desk was intriguing- well, the entire room was intriguing; all messy and yet still organized in a way only he could understand- you found yourself more interested in one of his sketches. it was another body painting sketch, but this one was… different. the figure had bigger hips and thicker thighs, large breasts, a softer circular face, with a slightly defined jawline, and her tummy was jutting out just enough for you to know: she was you.

jaemin was drawing you.

something about it made you happy, yet sad at the same time. he’d drawn all your flaws, hadn’t he? the lack of a thigh gap, the big belly, the bigger than usual breasts; everything that you were insecure about, jaemin had noticed.

in fact, he seemed to have perfectly mimicked the details. something about the situation made your eyes water sadly.

“you weren’t supposed… to see that,” jaemin sighs, eyes darting nervously across the room. you turn your head to look at him, blinking back tears. “it’s just a sketch i had for some body painting i just- i don’t know, i never finished it.”

“i was gonna ask you before that night but then i realized you probably wouldn’t want to do it.”

confidence was something you lacked, in here, standing across from jaemin in this moment, you felt like you could shrink. so it was true, he had been painting you? it was your body he imagined on full display for him as he painted, and it was your body he made adjustments for to fit, to encourage confidence and comfort.

confidence wasn’t your friend, however, jealousy most certainly was. if you didn’t take him up on his offer, would that pretty girl return to be painted again? would the art meant for your body fit hers as well as jaemin had planned for it to fit you? would it perhaps… fit her even better?

“i’ll do it,” your own voice is unrecognizable to you; raspy in anticipation and shaky from fear. “i’ll be your model, jaemin.”

his face flushed pink and he averted his gaze, scratching at the back of his neck nervously. “are you sure? it’s a lot of pressure-“

never again would you let pretty girl be jaemin’s model. never.

“i’m sure,” you said, a bit too eager.

“alright, well, we can plan a date and time, let me just grab my calendar-“

it was almost sinful how badly you wanted to be bare in front of your best friend. the best friend you desperately wished to be your lover, the best friend that also happens to be your boss, and the best friend you couldn’t live without.

this won’t change that, right?

you failed to think any further, beginning to slip out of your jacket and beginning to hastily pull the bow from the top of your blouse. with his back turned as he rummaged through his desk for a notebook, you only had one prayer running through your mind: hopefully jaemin doesn’t hate you for stripping down.

“i have an opening on the 12th, the 18th, and the 19th,” jaemin says, turning around, “the times are pretty close but i can try to move things around and adjust it to your n-“

“ah…”

his breathy little whisper has you frozen to the ground, eyes trained on the blue paint stain on the tarp beneath you. a baby blue, one you could get lost in and pretend as if you weren’t down to nothing but a bra and your fiery red underwear.

nervously, you scratched at the skin of your arm and painfully dug your fingers into the skin. he could see you- albeit not all of you- and you were completely open to his judgment.

“what about right now?” you murmured, eyes flitting up to meet his piercing stare.

they were respectful, remaining trained on your face and only your face- something you realize just how much you appreciated in the current moment. however, his stare was strong, yearning, and you found yourself looking right back down at the ground.

jaemin took a slow step forward, then another, and another, and each step made your body jump nervously and your heart beat erratically. it was only when a shadow cast itself upon that baby blue splotch on the floor did you peel your eyes back up.

at first, you avoided his eyes. you stared at his pretty cheeks, his neckline, his cute nose, and even his lips (which you got far more lost in than you care to admit).

then, as if he had discovered your tactic, he put a comforting hand under your chin and demanded you to look up with one gesture.

his eyes were soft. sweet melodies mixing with cherry blossom trees and their falling petals stared down at you, like a scene brought forth from a movie. it played in his eyes, slowly at first, then with a faster pace, and soon enough, you’d been sucked into the movie he’d created with just a glance.

dark brown met your orbs, swirling with curiosity and fear, before the tidal wave ensued and you felt like you were drowning.

drowning in him.

“can i paint you, cherry blossom?” jaemin asked sweetly, but the sultry tone in his voice had you weak in the knees. you tried not to overthink it, but the question was swirling with meanings unbeknownst to you, and the potential knowledge of it all had you excited for what was to come.

your response came out at a quiet whisper, so low that you worried if he even heard it to begin with, “yes.”

one of his hands wandered down to your hip, comfortingly tracing circles into the skin. his finger trailed up, erupting a flurry of tingles from the point. you shivered at the sensation, swallowing thickly. his finger went up and up until it ran into the fabric of your bra, and both of you stilled.

“can i take this off?” he asked, breath fanning your face. instinctively, your hand came up to his wrist and squeezed, using him as your anchor to earth- so you didn’t float away because of the bliss he never failed to give you.

nodding meekly, you felt yourself freeze when his fingers raised to toy with your bra straps. it was like he was playing with you; him the predator and you the prey; as he pulled the straps away from your skin and let them smack back against you. it was a shock of electricity and you hummed quietly.

once he deemed his toying sufficient enough, his hands finally ghosted over the back of your bra until they found the clasp in the back. he sent you one final look before you felt his hands tug at the back- and all in one motion, your bra was slipping off your shoulders and down your arms.

he helped the piece of clothing to come off, fingers softly pulling the black straps until it hit the floor with a soft thud.

your eyes remained locked with jaemin’s, preventing his eyes from wandering to the exposed skin of your chest- which, at the given moment, you were dying to cover with your arms.

jaemin took a hesitant step back before turning, heading over to his desk to look at his sketch. he grabbed a container of pink paint and reached over for a thicker brush, twirling it between his fingers as he approached you once again.

the tube made a loud noise when he squeezed it (something you actually appreciated considering it relieved some of the ill feeling that came with the awkward, tension-filled silence) and he applied a bit of the pink paint to the tip of his brush.

you expected it to be cold and uncomfortable, but you were pleasantly surprised once the brush touched the soft skin of your stomach. it was a sensation you’d never felt before, but you breathed in a surprised gasp. it was ticklish at first, the uneven feel of the differing bristle length rubbing against your skin and making you shiver.

you didn’t forget about one of jaemin’s hands on your waist. his hand was big, perfectly cupping your hip and you couldn’t help but look at your position as something more. him leaning into you, eyes darting across your skin as he painted colors upon you. one of his hands cupping you, squeezing on occasion, and fingers thrumming to their own little beat.

it was when he began to paint the skin beneath your breast that things got more heated than you expected. he’d switched to a thinner brush now, purple paint glistening on the tip before he put it to your skin. it was the eye contact he maintained while tracing the underneath of your chest; it was the feel of his breath against your face; it was how your stomach churned uneasily every time you thought about him near you- all of it, it all contributed.

you felt like you were nearing a frenzy. the need to taste his lips on yours, the need to feel his hands- not that stupid little brush- on your skin, the need to feel him in an intimate way you’ve only ever dreamed about with him; you were going crazy.

then, he switched to bare hands, and you knew he knew. he had figured you out by now, you were sure.

dots of yellow paint littered his fingertips and he felt even closer to you than you thought he was previously; close enough to touch if you were only to lean forward just the tiniest bit.

“tell me to stop,” he murmurs, finger beginning to trail circles into the skin of your abdomen. trailing upward in swirling motions before finally, his nail began to scratch sensually at your breast, and yellow painted over pink and purple. “tell me to stop and we end this right now.”

it was like he was begging. voice small and quiet, a desperate hint lacing his tone.

“don’t stop,” you said; the first thing you were confident about in months. you didn’t want him to stop, not now, not ever.

passion.

that’s what kissing jaemin was like. at first, his lips had hovered dangerously close to your own, tempting you to just pucker your own and kiss him. before you could do it, however, he had you under his spell and your lips were trapped against his own. his tongue had completely taken over you, molding with your own before he had you twisted in the feel of him, tangled in him like he was a live vine.

he made you breathless, every emotion mixing with the other until you were falling into him, hands desperately clawing at his neck, his cheek, his chin, until you were sure you’d colored him in your own paint of red marks.

“god,” he murmured against your lips, and finally, he pressed you flush against him. you knew you were covering him in paint and you could feel your breasts push up against his chest, but for once, you didn’t mind.

you felt good. he felt good. everything about the situation felt so fucking good.

“so perfect,” jaemin says softly, squeezing the flesh of your hip. he backed you up until you were against the paint table, shoving his collection of brushes to the side (which, considering he was missing one of his most important brushes, was a pretty big deal) and helping you jump up and onto the newly cleared space.

his hands roamed to your thighs as your lips connected once more, and a surprised gasp was swallowed by him once he slapped your thigh gently. lips traveling to kiss the expanse of your neck, he began whispering against you. you could hardly hear him over your own breathy little sounds, but the words went straight to your heart.

“prettiest girl.”

“so beautiful.”

his hands traced shapes on your thighs, “best thighs. love your thighs- god, i fucking love your thighs.”

you whimpered needily, grasping at his hair.

when he pushed you back against the table, encouraging you to lay down, you somewhat panicked internally at the knowledge that you’re actually about to be bare in front of him, on display for him to judge- or maybe admire.

when he doesn’t do either of those, instead leaning down to kiss down your body, a part of you is conflicted. you’re grateful he didn’t stare because that means he didn’t openly judge you. but at the same time, you wanted his admiring gaze upon your body.

however, he did something much better than that.

applying tiny, sweet little kisses to every inch of skin he crossed, including your breasts, he whispered a praise about everything- and, slowly, you felt yourself relax as your insecurities faded away.

“so soft,” he whispered, referring to your skin.

“do you have any idea how much these drive me crazy?” jaemin nearly growls, raising both hands to cup and squeeze your boobs as he dotted the area with soft, open-mouthed kisses.

you were experiencing an all new high.

tears thickly lined your eyes and sweet wispy moans left your lips. everything was overwhelming, and you were acutely aware of every touch on your skin. his tongue that would occasionally dart out to wet your skin (which he would later blow cool air on and make you shiver). his pillowy lips that danced over your body and left purple marks in their wake. his fingers that dug into your hips and tugged you impossibly closer to him, and snuck their way against your panty line to feel the soft material he’d yet to remove.

“pretty little tummy,” he said softly, gently kissing your stomach until you felt like the butterflies were going to eat you alive from the inside out. his menstruations were sinful, yet his words so pure and innocent.

something you had to remind yourself jaemin was far from.

every time he returned to your lips, you could feel his bulge rub against your clothed pussy and you wanted to scream; to grab hold of him and force him to do what you wanted- needed most.

yet you remained as patient as you could, your fingers drumming idly against his shoulders as a form of distraction.

“you know how long i’ve wanted you, cherry blossom?”

the name seemed so sweet prior, now it was laced with something more. something dark and lustful- something you were beginning to like.

you shook your head in response to his question, feelings his lips attach to the skin of your neck. you leaned your head back and allowed access. with his new angle, he began to nip and bite at your neck, taking your breath away.

“so long,” he nearly whined, pressing himself against you, “can i show you?”

“please…” you cried, grabbing him by his paint-stained shirt and taking his lips with your own greed.

you were grateful you had kissed him, you really were. because the boy was faster than you ever imagined he could be, swiping down your underwear with one swift, easy pull. his pants took a bit longer to free him from, but once he finally did, you had never been more excited for something in your life.

with all of his sweet gestures and his prior praise, your body was practically begging for him. arousal pooled in the underwear that lay discarded in the far corner of the room, and it took moments for jaemin to swipe his hard member against your pussy to gather your wetness.

his fingers played with your opening, slowly easing in and out in the hopes of preparing you for him- and damn was he glad he did, because the string of unending noises you let out in response was nothing short of music to his ears.

“need you,” you whimpered, biting back a moan. “please.”

with that begging look in your eye, who was he to say no? he kissed you hard, passionately, roughly- something you’d always dreamed of, and yet, it paled in comparison to the real thing.

and finally, with a strangled groan, did jaemin slip inside your heat.

what a dream come true.

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werewroammin · 1 year

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Solar Eclipse

Chapter Three: The Eye of the Beholder

im reposting this chapter because the first time i tried to post it it glitched out and im going insane over it jshdjfjfk

Summary: In a drunken stupor, Janus confesses to Patton that he's in love with both Roman and Logan. When things spiral out of control from there, how will he keep his feelings in check?

Characters: Janus: Patton, Roman, Logan

Pairing(s): endgame roloceit, current logince and focus on janus’s feelings for logan and roman

Warnings: some light crying but i think that’s it, lemme know if i missed something!

Word count: 1,661

Janus was the first to excuse himself from breakfast, trying very hard to hold it together until he was alone. Once he made it to his room, he locked the door and disabled the ability to rise up or appear. He didn't need to be checked on, he needed to be alone.

He wasn't one to cry when he was upset, but he wasn't sure what else to do in this situation. He lowered himself onto his bed, wrapping his arms around himself as tears rose to his eyes.

Why did it hurt this much? He already knew they'd never love him back. This was just confirmation that he was right. He should feel proud of himself for being right.

Sometimes he really fucking hated it when he was right.

There was a knock at his door. He had a feeling he knew who was there.

"Um, Janus?" Patton's small voice called through the door. "I know you're probably really upset right now, but I just... I wanted to check on you. See how you're doing."

Janus said nothing.

"Janus—?"

"Go away, Patton," Janus snapped, embarrassed at the way his voice cracked.

"Are you sure you don't wanna talk?"

"There's nothing to talk about, just leave me alone."

A long silence passed. "Let me know if you need anything."

Several minutes passed before Janus decided he'd had enough of this room.

He grabbed his easel and a canvas as well as his pack of painting supplies. He went through his door and headed down the hallway to Roman's side of the Imagination. He went through the door and began his search for the perfect muse.

There was a lovely little pond near the entrance with Roman's castle perfectly in the background. It was perfect.

He set his easel down and set the canvas on it. He took a look at the view, making sure he was in the right spot. He moved the easel a bit to the left. Excellent.

He began his process of painting, finding his stress melting away with every stroke of his brush. He spent an hour painting, and was making decent progress. He dipped his brush in the water to switch colors when a voice interrupted him.

"I didn't know you could paint."

Roman being in the Imagination shouldn't have been a surprise, especially since this was his side of the realm. However, it caught Janus off guard regardless, and he nearly jumped out of his skin as he whirled around to face him.

He cleared his throat. "I can, yes. Have I never told you?"

"Not that I recall. How often do you paint here?"

"Here, not terribly often; I do my best work here, so I save it for times that I could really use a pick-me-up."

"Ah, I see. Still recovering from that hangover I take it?"

"It's almost passed. I thought painting would be a nice distraction."

Roman looked almost sheepish. "I didn't mean to interrupt your distraction. Apologies."

"Quite alright. Actually... if you're not busy, I wouldn't mind the company."

Roman grinned. "As much as it would honor me to watch you work, I'm actually here with a purpose; I'm setting up a little date night with Logan."

A spear went through Janus's heart.

"I'm so excited to be able to say that now," Roman said with a bright smile. "A date with Logan. My boyfriend, Logan. My boyfriend, oh, be still my beating heart."

The spear twisted in his chest.

"You're lucky to have one another," he said, hoping that wouldn't reveal the true meaning behind his words.

"Thank you. Well, I must bid you adieu, but I do wish you luck with your painting."

Janus forced a smile. "Thank you. I wish you luck on your date."

"Thank you. Farewell, Janus."

"Farewell, Roman."

Roman headed off to wherever he was headed off to, leaving Janus with his painting in progress.

He looked over the painting, certain he would only need another hour to finish it.

He took a deep breath, and dipped his brush in the paint.

The next hour came and went, and Janus was left with only the finishing touches. He noticed Roman coming back from wherever he'd been, and he smiled when he met Janus's eyes.

"Still at it, I see!"

"Not for much longer, I'm afraid."

Roman came up and inspected the painting as Janus added the last details. He took a step back and looked over his finished work.

"What do you think?" Janus asked apprehensively.

"This is gorgeous," Roman praised with a smile. "The influence of the impressionist movement is so inspired."

Janus smiled rather brightly. "Thank you. I don't know if it's obvious, but I take a lot of inspiration from the likes of Van Gogh and Monet."

Roman nodded. "I can see it. The impasto of Van Gogh in the grass, the way it captures light in the manner of Monet's works. Truly a masterpiece."

Janus wanted to kiss him.

"I... I have other paintings."

Roman turned to smile at him. "Can I see?"

Janus and Roman carried Janus's painting supplies back to his room. Once everything was in its place, Janus led Roman through the door to his gallery.

He had created a gallery for his paintings when he ran out of room on his walls. With Remus's help, of course. He had been painting for many years, and most of his paintings were of Thomas's memories.

Roman looked around the large white room in awe. He had the biggest smile on his face, and Janus was so proud to be the one to put that smile there.

He was so helplessly in love.

"How long have you been painting?" Roman asked breathlessly.

"Oh, you know... do you remember when Thomas went on that field trip to the art museum?"

Roman whirled around to look at him in surprise. "You've been painting since Thomas was in third grade?"

Janus shrugged. "You know... I dabble."

Roman's smile faded. "I remember that field trip. I tried painting, too. Tried to get Thomas to paint. After a week, I gave up. I wish I'd kept at it."

"I could teach you," Janus blurted out without thinking.

Roman brightened up again. "You could? I mean, you don't have to. I mean, it's no big deal, really. I just—"

"I would be delighted to."

Roman smiled again. He looked around at the paintings on the walls. "Are these... Thomas's memories?"

"They are. I've... on occasion, snuck into the Library, swiped a book of memories, and painted what I saw. Especially when Thomas formed a particularly happy memory. Those are my favorite ones to paint."

Roman looked at him again. "Can I show Logan? I think he'd love to see paintings of Thomas's memories."

Janus smiled. "Sure."

Roman went and got Logan, leading him into the gallery with his hands over Logan's eyes. Janus chuckled a little at the sight.

"Are you ready?" Roman asked.

Logan sighed, but smiled. "Roman, you're being ridiculous."

"I know. Alright... behold."

He removed his hands from Logan's eyes, and Logan adjusted his glasses as he took in the paintings. For some reason, this made Janus more nervous. Perhaps because Logan had never seen his paintings before, and now he was faced with all of them.

"Janus," Logan said breathlessly. "Did you paint all of these?"

Janus cleared his throat. "Well, if you like them, then yes I did, but if you hate them, then absolutely not."

Logan rolled his eyes, his smile widening. "Of course I like them. They're very impressive."

"Thank you." Janus thought for a moment. He might regret it, but he wanted to show them. "Would you two like to see... my very first painting?"

Roman and Logan both perked up.

"I would love to," Roman said with a smile.

"As would I," Logan agreed.

"Follow me."

Janus led them through the room, towards the back. The room was massive, so it took a minute or so to get there. In the back, there was a door labelled "keep out" in bright red. Janus stopped and turned towards Logan and Roman.

"This room... well, it's where I keep all my earlier work. Basically, all the paintings I hate. I don't want to display them, but I couldn't bring myself to destroy them, so they... sit back here and gather dust. I... I don't expect you to be impressed, I just... you deserve to see my first."

Both their expressions were unreadable and Janus couldn't stand it. He turned back towards the door and took a deep breath. He opened it and turned on the light.

Most of the paintings in this room were propped against the wall and stacked on top of each other. There was one, however, that was hung on the wall opposite of the door.

A childish painting of a person outside in the grass. A little boy with short brown hair, brown eyes, and a big smile. The boy was labelled "my person". There was some kind of bird painted beside him, and Janus remembered it was supposed to be a goose.

"Is that...?" Roman began.

"Thomas, yes," Janus confirmed. "From that day in third grade. That field trip to the art museum. Everyone went outside for lunch, and Thomas spotted that flock of geese. He chased after them, and of course, being geese, they scared him off. Then Joan came up and punched one of the geese in the face." Janus chuckled at the memory.

"When Thomas and Joan first became friends," Roman recalled.

Janus nodded. "Yeah."

They all stood there in serene silence. Janus found himself smiling. It was nice revisiting this painting. He often considered repainting it in his current style, but something held him back.

The three of them soon left the gallery. Logan and Roman departed for their date in the Imagination.

Janus had almost forgotten about why he'd started painting today in the first place.

#janus writes #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #janus sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #roloceit #logince #roloceit fanfiction

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bonesandthebees · 7 months

Note

BEE IM SO EXCITED LETS GO OKAY GLASS FIRST WOOO THIS IS ALSO GREAT BECAUSE IM GETTING MY HAIR DONE RN AND NEEDED SOMETHING TO DO

ahhh thats the palace hes there in there in that yep

he might as well be dead i mean the pythia that he once knew is dead

flashback wooooo

your descriptions are alwasy SOOOOO

GOOD LIKE IDK THEY JUST AHHHHH

omg theyre at nikis right probably

“my pythia” why dont you go crawl up you own a— anyways. this is a pg zone (i just dont curse)

i want to slap him around a bit, just a tiny bit just like hang him from the ceiling and wack him like he’s a piñata at a five year olds birthday

THEY ARE AT NIKIS

TATTOO

HES DOING IT ISIRJSF ANDOQLFNWIF

tommy is so baby brother

NOTNIN THE PHYSICAL SENSE *spins around very quickly like a tornado*

WHO HE IS OH MY GOD BEE

why is schlatt

i think schlatt would look nice with a black eue it would bring out how much kf a d— anyqays

TAKE THAT SCHLATT

i need more people to draw this tattoo because every singly one is so ahhhhh like i have no clue how this is supposed to look bjt every design peiple make makes sense and i need more im so curious to see how people see

i love the way wilbur thinks i want to take his brain and poke around in it like its so intriguing

also like idk as a person feeling your pulse is always so… intimate? i do it a lot, like just feeling my pulse reminding myself that im human, we all have a pulse. idk its comforting in a way just feeling the way the blood pumps through your body regardless of the world, that youre alive no matter what as long as that blood keeps pumping. like even when everything feels out of place, youre still human.

sorry anyways

anywho thats why hes fiddling with the cuff then hes nervous aboht them seeing

UGH HES SO ANNOYING I WANT TO CHUCK HIM ONTO LIKE I-5 OR SOMETHING

im gonna send a prayer your way schlatt.

GO WILBUR GO

god hes so idk his brain man and the way you write and god i love this fic so much

WHY DOESNT IT FEEL LIKE MINE AHEOHEIFJWO SO WOROWKK OK DA P WAS HEQID

im cool and chill

the vessel.

yep.

cool.

thats cool.

HES WILBUR

i just like god this fic man

ah yes tommys tattoo

just saying on… july 28th i said it was from wilburs murder attempt!! im so smart sometimes

HE DOENST WANT TO BE EMPTY AGAIN WHAT RHE FUEFUVJ

anyways im so normal aboht this fic

oh me too wil lets fist bump over our shared fear of failure and disappointment

me when he realizes that they werent empty he jsut didnt know they were allowed to not be empty

THEYRW FMAKILTLY OU YK EGOD THEY MEHM

BROTHERISHD OH MY GODHD I LOVE RJEM

BOOM AH

GUNSHOTS AH

HIS UBER DRIVER IS HERE YAY!!!!

TOMMY!!!!!!

HIS HROTHERUWIDHS IM NEVER GOING TO HE OKAY WHEN THEY SAY THAT

i loveddddd the way you formatted it it was super neat and idk im just a sucker for interesting formats of swifching between past and present and like idk yeah it was cool

AND NOW OFF TO READ THE ROYALTY AU!!!

- 🪿

hi goose this is a few days old now but finally getting around to answering this!

aaa thank you I'm so glad you like my descriptions :D it was definitely a bit tough getting back into the glass writing groove with the style I use for the descriptions and stuff so I'm glad it turned out ok

"my pythia" made my skin crawl to write

YEAHHH TATTOO TIME. every single time I see fanart of the tattoo I freak out (/pos) so much because all the interpretations are SO cool. I love seeing what people come up with because I myself have no artistic ability, I can only describe what's in my head through words, so when people are able to actually put that into art form it just makes me so happy

yes exactly that's why I wanted it on his pulse!! I wanted it to sit right over the reminder that he's human! that he has blood pumping through his veins! everyone has that blood and that heartbeat and I wanted the tattoo to sit right above that both because of the connection to his heartbeat, but also because it's the place other people can feel your pulse. it's the connection point almost between your pulse and others, if that makes sense.

(random fun fact, I can't feel my own pulse on my wrist. doctors and nurses can't get a pulse from my wrist either. like there have been many times I've gone to the doctor and the nurse has tried to take my pulse and they frown and readjust their hand and then they try the other wrist and no matter what it doesn't work and I'm just sitting there. the only place you can get a pulse off of me besides straight up feeling my heartbeat is on my carotid artery on my throat)

aa thank you I had a lot of fun describing wilbur's thought processes in this chapter, especially with the alternating format

you were RIGHT about the vine tattoo you got it and it was so funny I had to just not say shit but i was like yup, several people have already figured it out :)

HIS UBER DRIVER IS HEREEEEE

aaa I'm so glad you enjoyed!! I had so much fun with the format of this chapter. I plotted it out a bit before my trip, and I specifically wanted to finish ch 25 before my trip because I knew ch 26 was going to be the one I'd most want to write after I got back. I needed a REALLY good exciting chapter to come back to and the alternating format was going to be the way I sucked myself back into the story after being out of that headspace for 3 weeks straight, and it worked. it was just so cinematic in my head y'know? I can perfectly picture the flipping between past and present with like different color grading and lighting and music and all that

#goose anon #glass ch 26 #ask

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rainfallbeats · 2 years

Note

IDK HOW EDIBLES WORK OK

*slaps my hands on the table* thats ok because i do!

this post ended up being multiple paragraphs long and contains a lot of personal stories so if youre still interested its under the cut. tw for drug use obviously

now granted i havent had that many of them and the only kind ive had were these cookies my brother made but good LORD. sweet JESUS they were strong. like STUPID strong. i remember he prefaced giving me them with "i ate one and thought i was a little worm wiggling in the dirt" and i was like ok i think i can handle it

i could not handle it. strong edibles will slonk your shit silly style. theyre a bit different than smoking because it kinda all kicks in at once, smoking is usually a milder high unless its like a bong rip. i remember one time it kicked in and i could barely get the words "guys i think the edible hit" out before breaking into a 10 minute laughing fit. i was on another plane i was shot up to the moon

and again these were particularly strong ones it really just depends on the strain of weed and the dosage, but some of the effects ive experienced are as follows:

everything is funny. like everything ever is funny. i will just laugh for any reason if im high enough, you could jangle keys in front of my face and id start cry laughing. weed kind of just makes you stupid like that. ive noticed it helps with the adhd too because ill finally have the patience to sit down and watch things or do tasks without getting irritated

pain numbing/weird funny skin feeling. ive noticed that i usually feel warm when the weed kicks in and thats usually followed by like a tingly feeling and a reduced ability to feel pain. this is nice bc im an idiot who gave myself back pain from sitting weird so this makes it go away. probably not anywhere near as effective for that purpose as pain meds but ive never been on any prescription pain meds or anything that wasnt like, ibuprofen so i dont know

food tastes really fucking good. ive considered going back on my adhd meds with recreational weed bc the meds were an appetite suppressant and thats why i had to stop taking them. weed will make you hungry as FUCK and everything you eat will taste better

lower impulse control, this one is kind of a bad side effect because if you were already thinking about doing stupid shit and you get high then youre gonna do it. one time i was on call with a friend and kept chewing on my fingers til they were bruised bc i wanted to chew on something

slowed perception of time/distorted perception of reality. this one is either scary or cool depending on the person but i find it enjoyable. time will slow DOWN like minutes will feel like hours. every splatoon match i play while high is the longest one of my life, and ive found i usually perform better in games because im less stressed and more just absorbed in what im doing. that combined with the fact that my brain blurs the line between whats real and fake so if im playing a game itll feel real to me. i will be staring at the inside of the grizzco building and feel like im actually there, its crazy. playing video games while high is fun

ive noticed that if i get too high i kinda feel dizzy and not in control of my body, my head feels like its underwater and ill be sitting there rocking back and forth waiting to come down a little. which would be scarier but thanks to the funny giggly chemicals its not that bad. but its also not pleasant when youre in a social situation and want to try to act normal

im not actually sure what me dumping all this info accomplishes but maybe someone will see it and itll help them write a character that smokes weed or something. and like granted these are only my own experiences and not everyone is gonna share them but regardless, thank you for the ask

#personal post #weed #ask box

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videostak · 10 months

Text

so sick of having my entire life being dictated by having to accommodate for other ppl who then go to shit on my life even more. like having to watch the doors anytime my dad is in the house having my mom keep every1 up thru out the night and acting oblivious to how someones sleep schedule is affected by the sounds of food being made in a microwave at 12 am or hearing 2hour long drunken phone calls from her room to the hallway to the bathroom to the kitchen etc and having in general let ppl know beforehand what i have planned for a day just so they can reveal that they were never even listening to what i told them or just straight up did not care and do their own random impuse thing that i then have to build my schedule around . like fuuuuuck you. only word on the tip of my tongue atm. genuinely no reason to try to be cooperative or understanding if they dont even ATTEMPT to do the same. i mean atleast i get to sleep in but thats only after they come back at like 1 or 2am. and forget abt me my sister literally works at 10 2mrw and has to get up early to get ready and my mom just shat on that despite my sister telling her immediately she brought up the idea of going somewhere for drinks. i feel so sorry for my cousin who like tries her hardest to be nice or like a inbetween ground just to have my mom creepily vent to her and overall make her feel extremely uncomfortable telling her rly in depth stories and secrets abt ppl who told my mom personal stuff in confidence not thinking my mom would immediately tell absolutely any1 the moment she felt the need to have a conversation. am p sure shes drunk rn cause she sounded very drunk and is just being v loud rn so like im sure she got drunk and then wanted to go to a bar to drink more and not have to worry abt getting caught. :| i mean idk if shell take my sister to work tomorrow but if she is too fucked up too then i guess ill just have to take her. but rly just insanely annoying shit. she refuses to go to therapy or somewhere where u address being dependent on alcohol so i think the only real tangible solution atm is to just give my all to cleaning out her room and then just monitor her like a hospital patient constantly. for the foreseeable future. its hard cause she spends all her time in her room and gets mad when i try to clean it and then my dad gets mad at me when i dont clean it and then when i do clean it my dad gets mad that we dont have any space for half the shit in her room or if we do idk where it goes cause im not even a very good cleaner its just 99% of the stuff falls on me cause no one else does it consistently. so like i just go back and forth at them both giving me shit so fuck everything huh. not in an awful bleak mood but regardless things on both fronts are v bleak. guess im not in an awful mood cause worst case scenario tomorrow i drive my sister to work which gives me more chance to drive and im rly rly looking forward to practicing in my actual manual car... cause its so pretty. so like im not at the end of my rope quite yet and dont think things will get super bleak. worst thing is me losing my job but dont think thats gonna happen quite about yet. and if it does ill atleast have the ability to drive places. so i cant say i didnt grow in some way

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note-boom · 1 year

Text

All right. I'm bored and feel like doing this here, so I'm gonna rate some of the ability names (English version, at least) for fun/no absolute reason

(For the record, as of the day writing this post, I've only read snatches of the manga, none of the LNs, and have just watched the anime)

Let's GOOOO

Armed Detective Agency

All Men Are Equal (Fukuzawa) - 7/10 good, fits the ability, but it doesn't blow me away. Honestly makes me think of the American Declaration of Independence and I feel slightly bad for that

Thou Shalt Not Die (Yosano) - 9/10 seriously cool. I love that it's phrased like a command...it's both desperation and a demand i love it.

Super/Ultra Deduction (Ranpo) - 4/10 sorry Ranpo but this sounds like an adaptation of superstrength or super smarts for deduction. IDK maybe Fukuzawa made it up on the spot for Ranpo?

No Longer Human (Dazai) - 8/10 very fitting...captures Dazai's personality and has fun implications about abilities being part of someone's humanity even though that's probably not intended. Just an author work's ref but still a cool name anyway

Doppo/The Matchless Poet (Kunikida) - 8/10 but ONLY for the Matchless Poet (or Lone Poet) because it's so Kunikida and really conjures the image of that whole paragon archetype. Doppo Poet? Really english dub??

Light Snow (Tanizaki) - 6/10 but may get higher depending on tanizaki's arc. Such an inoffensive ability name, cute, understates what a terrifying ability it could be...a bit like the boy himself. Maybe 7 or 8 out of 10, hmm...

Beast Beneath the Moonlight/Byakko (Atsushi) - 6/10 sorry my boy, but its such a literal name (like Yosano's but descriptive instead of imperative). I'm not sure where Byakko comes from but you should have stuck with that as it's a solid 10/10 name.

Undefeated by the Rain (Kenji) - 8/10 i love the image it draws. Standing strong even though the rain is pouring WHILE it's pouring. Love you, Kenji

Demon Snow (Kyouka) - 7/10 tbh it doesnt make too much sense if you think about it too hard but it sure is a cool name regardless. And it's fun to say so my bias is leaking....

Port Mafia

Falling Camellia (Hirotsu) - 9/10 old man your ability name is PRETTY for an ability that's literally just pushing. But the words kinda fit the vibe and make the ability sound cool

Vita Sexualis (Mori) - 5/10 this is latin for sex power and im sure if you've read my tags I have petty beef against sex and romance (it's mostly as a joke but I'm still gonna let it color all my opinions). Sorry Elise...you're cool but the ability name is honestly sus. However, points for the language consistency (dead languages make anything sound cool)

Golden Demon (Kouyou) - 6/10 sorry Kouyou, but like Atsushi's, it's too literal and descriptive. But at least it sticks to the original title's name

Lemonade/Lemon Bomb (Kajii) - ???/10 i honestly dont know what i feel about this one. Kajii is the reason I look at the whole "abilities are an expression of your soul" thing with utter bemusement. I do LOVE his ability cause it's so unnecessarily random but the name? Idk...maybe 5/10? References the title but also feels slightly too literal?

For the Tainted Sorrow (Chuuya) - 10/10 im sorry but the way it sounds in English appeals to me personally. It's both the title and starring line of IRL Nakahara's poem and I honestly love that so much. Such gravity in those lines (wait....??)

Rashoumon (Akutagawa) - 10/10 it just gets points for its name staying the same in all languages. See, Atsushi? This is what you could have had with Byakko

Midwinter Memento (Tachihara) - 8/10 could be higher honestly because I love the alliteration and the phrase just has nice vibes. Don't know how well it fits the metalbending but it sure fits Tachihara and the way the past haunts him ya know? It makes me wonder if his ability is passed down or gets stronger with remembered trauma or whatever?

Dogra Magra (Q) - 9/10 no clue what this means and google isn't helping. But again with the language consistency...and it also just sounds cool and rhyme-y and slightly horrory. Its the vibes

Flawless (Odasaku) - 8/10 i like the name and all the things it connotes. You have to get real philosophical to parse the connection between his ability and its name, though. But that's why I love it

The Madness of the Jewel King (Ace) - 6/10 a cool name but the existence of Ace confuses me. Wiki says something about Alan Bennet or a character from Dostoy. Im here wondering why another foreign (it seems) dude is working so high up in the PM. Mori and his western loving tendencies, i guess? Anyway. The name also kinda feels more descriptive, but it gets points for drama

#well this was fun #im also kinda curious about the fandom's opinion on these names #i mean ive seen posts here and there but...#well anyway...i may do some of the other groups later for fun again #also they totally missed out on telling us how ability names come to be with atsushi #like child...how did you know it was called beast beneath the moonlight or byakko?#kudos i guess to the manga having a literal reason for ability names too that ties with the theme tho?#like words and names have power or some other nonsense....#anyway apologies for some of the lower ratings....but im sticking to it #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd musings #humor #sort of?#armed detective agency #port mafia #too lazy to tag all the characters #spitting nonsense

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blvcklizard · 1 year

Text

Ich habe 139 Mal im Jahr 2022 etwas gepostet

Das sind 32 more posts als 2021!

58 Einträge erstellt (42%)

81 Einträge gerebloggt (58%)

#reblog – 77 Einträge

#bungou stray dogs – 21 Einträge

#bsd – 20 Einträge

#servamp – 17 Einträge

#spoilers – 12 Einträge

#hunting dogs bsd – 11 Einträge

#bsd jouno – 11 Einträge

#literary stray dogs – 9 Einträge

#daily life of silver – 8 Einträge

#hyde servamp – 8 Einträge

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#i knew they were being shipped before i met them in the manga and i think it's one of the reasons why i immidiately loved them this much

Meine Top-Einträge im Jahr 2022:

If Lawlicht not canon why this

Okay but jokes aside, I love this panel so much. For various reasons.

First of all obviously because of that look, come on, you don't look at everyone with so much love in your eyes.

But also the context! Because he's doubting. See how he skips straight back to the fact that they can't really do anything. (Notably he doesn't say this out loud though).

But those eyes? Those trusting, sincere eyes? He meant it when he said yes.

"But Lawless is an emotional crybaby, he'd probably want to be reassured in this situation too"

Lawless? Lawless "I'd rather watch the girl I love die than put my wishes over hers" of Greed? That Lawless? Nah, we all know what this is. Because it could still have been a form of reassurance, however directed at himself rather than Licht, but it's more likely that this isn't even necessary. Not because he doesn't care about Crantz, but because he doesn't doubt Licht.

This? That's not some half hearted lie to make either of them feel better. That's pure trust in his angel. Licht knows what he wants, and Lawless knows that he will get it.

Sounds familiar?

He has kept his Eves around for 200 years for the purpose of trying to avoid losing his mind (a little too late, Lawless, but I don't blame you). Remember the flashbacks with Iris? He didn't have faith in her or her decisions one bit. I mean, why would he?

And then Licht singlehandedly snapped him out of this state. Hmmm, I wonder why him, of all people?

Which leads us back to the topic of reassurance. Iris was entirely indifferent towards him, and we can assume that it was the same with all his previous Eves. Now Licht the Archangel cared about him (hate is a form of care too, Licht), and, most importantly, is not the kind of person to comfort him and take his hand. His reaction to Lawless's memories? He was helping him, and he was actively aware of it. And he didn't do it the nice way, but rather by telling him to get it together.

Which is exactly what Lawless needs.

(Excessive) reassurance and comfort are dangerous for people like him, even if it might feel nice. Lawless needs a strong, firm person to snap him back to reality. Someone like Licht.

Alright, that got out of hand. TLDR; Licht is the best thing that could have happened to Lawless and I have obsession issues.

73 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 2. September 2022

“The last words your soulmate says to you are tattooed on your skin” AU but with Suegiku

So Tecchou goes his entire life assuming that he will kill his soulmate one day. It makes sense, right? The last words they will say to him are challenging him to a fight, and he’s strong, let alone has literally a sword-related supernatural ability. It’s the logical conclusion.

And to avoid that, his younger self made a promise to himself; he won’t try to look for his soulmate, he will just pretend he doesn’t have one. He won’t fall in love. And to his surprise, it isn’t too difficult, he doesn’t seem to be interested in anyone anyway, and any possible feelings are easy to ignore until they go away on their own.

So when Jouno joins the Hunting Dogs, it’s not a big deal to brush off all the little things he’s feeling about him. He’s objectively attractive, that doesn’t mean anything. Honesty and a strong sense of justice are admirable traits regardless of the person, right? (Sure, his methods need some adjustment, but Tecchou will gladly help him with that.) It’s only natural to be curious about him, isn’t it? Teruko probably thinks about him just as often. And she’s probably just as convinced that his eyes are as beautiful as the rest of him, and would really like to see if she’s right, too. As the stronger and more experienced one, it’s normal to want to protect him, too, and spend nights at his bed or in front of doors at the hospital whenever he gets hurt. Just, you know, normal teammate stuff. His feelings more persistent than usual, but that’s normal as well, right? They’re partners after all, so it makes sense that this small crush, if he can call it that, wouldn’t wear off as quickly as his previous ones did.

So when he hears Jouno say those words to him at the airport, it catches him completely off-guard.

That’s not real, right? He probably misunderstood, or this is some sort of mistake. Jouno can’t possibly be his soulmate, he hates him, or Tecchou doesn’t love him either. He was so careful after all, right? He has never seen Jouno’s tattoo, he was equally scared it would sound like something he would say and something he would never say, and besides that, Jouno wouldn’t have shown it to him anyway. So he can just assume, but there’s no way he didn’t misunderstand, right? They didn’t even get as far as actually fighting, so...

It’s not urgently important, though, is it? If he needs to act, he will do so, anyway. If Jouno is in danger, he will protect him, and he’ll have enough time to figure things out later.

But Jouno is going to be safe. They will chase after those terrorists together, and Tecchou doesn’t need to worry until then. There will probably be some complications with the ADA, and he will protect him when he comes back, like he always does.

But for now, he doesn’t need to worry. Jouno is going to be safe. He is with their commander, after all.

85 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 1. Mai 2022

Things I wonder about in BSD that will probably never be elaborated on:

Why did Tecchou hesitate when Jouno told him to kill Yosano

What was Gin about to say/do when she addressed Tachihara before he made her stab him in chapter 68

What is Teruko's actual age

The whole page around the "because my friends think I'm invincible" line from chapter 56. Why does he look so sad? So lonely? Does his acceptance of not being an ability user lead to feeling isolated from his friends? Has his trust in the president as well as the others been broken/bruised? Why is no one talking about this?

122 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 18. Januar 2022

Chuuya fans being shocked about the new chapter

Akutagawa/Tachihara/Jouno fans:

176 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 2. Mai 2022

Meine #1 des Jahres 2022

Since with season 4 many people will meet the Hunting Dogs for the first time, I would like to tell the anime-onlys that these two are soulmates

199 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 10. Februar 2022

Hol dir deinen Tumblr-Jahresrückblick 2022 →

#tumblr2022 #Jahresrückblick #Mein Tumblr-Jahresrückblick 2022 #Dein Tumblr-Jahresrückblick #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #nice

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paranoid-throwaway · 2 years

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kind of want to elucidate how i feel about the whole thing. i doubt anyone will ever care about this perspective on this extremely niche topic, but itll still be nice to have my thoughts written out somewhere. also just general journaling and writing practice, i really need to get better at conveying

its kind of crazy how sometimes i feel imposter syndrome regarding autism. i’m definitely high functioning, but the way this site is you’d think its the only type of autism to exist. I really am interested in the differences between how cis males experience having autism and the way ftm males experience autism. already, the preponderance of ‘autistic’ ftms is kind of odd. I do believe autism affects women, in fact one of the few brief episodes of autism solidarity in my life was my friendship with one at a educational program. Yeah, actually, in this post i really want to contrast what ive experienced as an autistic person and my interactions with other autistic people, vs tumblr autism. Its said that autism can affect gender identity, and it probably is true that autistic traits across both sexes are construed as masculine. I’ve really met two kinds of autistic people in my life. Theres autistic people who are still really un-selfware, lower functioning, and then theres people like me, who can function somewhat better and have managed to mostly supress sensory problems. It really is so hard to do, and the autistics ive met irl agree. In fact, for the most part we actually carry a lot of guilt over being autistic, self hatred for everything being so difficult when its not a problem for normal people at all. I still don’t really know how to feel about that. On the one hand, I do resonate with the concept that disabilites are a result of society, but i dont think thats an absolute principle. The ability to do unpleasant things, to take care of and clean oneself, to properly read social cues and norms will always be important for interacting with other people regardless of social structure or situation. Autistic people will probably always struggle with these things. Im certainly in the autism sucks camp, if i could get it cured or whatever i’d do it in a heartbeat. I do think being autistic has been important to forming my identity, but i am so fucking tired of being alone and friendless. Still, the guilt and self hatred i feel about my autism isn;t even the worse i’ve seen. The autistic girl I used to be friends with was also a devout christian, which we often argued about. Why on earth would god make autistic people? I’ll always remember being shocked when she told me the story of how in college she’d been raped, but even now she blames herself and being autistic. If she’d been more self aware, more alert to the guys ulterior motives, she feels like it wouldn’t have happened. I don’t agree, regardless of the society and situation rape shouldn’t happen and is never the victims fault. But it illustrates how negatively actuallyautistic(which is a stupid fucking tag) people feel about autism.

I do wonder what people in the other camp think autism speaks should actually do. I suppose just give free money to autistic people. That actually wouldn’t be half bad, but it should all go to people at assisted living programs or psych facilities. Its true that autism makes some of the demands of most jobs more difficult and thinks like attractiveness, personal grooming and social skills should absolutley not effect employment the way they do, but how the fuck do you legislate for that.

Another odd thing to me is the level of community that female autistics and ftm autistics seem to have. Autistic cis males are infamous for being friendless losers, and I am no exception. the closest thing to an autistic community is places like 4chan, which makes sense, as theres no social norms and no real connections to be made. I suposse its certainly possible that there are autistics who are incredibly good at masking, and have managed to ingrain certain habits in themselves

another intersting contrast, though certainly a difficult one to discuss, is sexual inadequacy and so on. Everyone knows autistic guys dont really get pussy. I do wonder what is like for cis gay autistics. I do believe that gay people are generally more accepting and interested in more kinds of people and bodies than straights. Not really sure how much sexual dysfunction there is amongst ‘autistic’ ftms or women. virtually all of the ‘autistic’ ftms are gay, and typically date amongst themselves, which no doubt makes things easier. theres also a preponderance of asexual autistic ftms or enbies, many of whom are ‘high-functioning’ which is odd given that while asexuality has been connected to autism before, it’s mostly in severely autistic individuals who don’t care about social stuff at all. A lot of these asexual ‘autistic’ ftms seem just as obsessed with shipping dynamics as the allo ‘autistic’ ftms.

I wonder if theres something of a generational divide between zoomer autistics and older ones. older cis male autistics are way likelier to be bitter, extremist friendless losers, zoomer cis male autistics are much more likely to transition, which provides another, far stronger community.

At the end of the day, this all revolves around the fact that people who are ‘proud’ of their autism are innately suspicious to me. I realize there are people who reclaim their identity and move past the stigma, but surely there must be some lingering bitterness over how one was treated and how unfair it is. If your not bitter about it, it makes me wonder just how much ur ‘autism’ actually made you suffer, and If it didn’t or not very much at all, I just can’t see you as autistic. You don’t understand the pain that comes from actually struggling with it.

I also just really, really hate all of those jokes about how autism is sexy or cool. I realize some people say that sort of thing as a way to fight the stigma but it feels like it’s at the expense of actually recognizing the painful aspects of autism. Online friendships and communications are just as difficult and confusing as in person interactions are to me, yet a lot of autistics on tumblr seem to find an online community and integrate into it pretty effortlessly.

#I wonder if anyone will see this #I actually would welcome the other sides thoughts on this #autistic ftms: why are you often so much more comfortable and open about being autistic than cis male autistics?#i know you dont like to think about that question #regardless #my bitterness is justified and theres nothing you can do to convince me otherwise #autism

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reveks · 9 months

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im running out of ways to say how much i like reading about the aus, oh also just want to let you know i've voted for whoever you tell me to vote for in polls lily grove, lifeblood, superpowers, matchmaker -funky slugcat

Sorry for the delayed answer, I had a day when you sent this and could not find the proper motivation to answer asks

Imma be real. Lily Grove is an au with little to it rn, so skipping that for now

Lifeblood's Protector AU

This was an au that I've barely talked about because a friend wasn't fond of the concept when I first introduced it back in 2021. It took me two years to realize that I can do whatever the fuck I want regardless of opinions of one person (/lh to that friend)

Before we begin, I should mention this. Blue Child Joni is a big part of this au, and when talking about Joni, I refer to them as a she. You are welcome to disagree with me, but I personally use she/her for Joni. I know she's canonically female, but I'm not gonna shove that down anyone's throat. If you prefer another set of pronouns and ever want to ask about this au, please use your own set of pronouns. Same goes with any canon character, like Revek

The original concept of this au was Joni encountering Revek as she lay dying in the Cliffs. Revek knows a little bit of healing knowledge, and gave her just enough time to move her to what would later be her Repose. Joni, as a thank you, gives Revek her charm. Revek isn't sure what the charm does, nor what charms are in general, but takes it because he considers it rude to reject the gift of those deceased.

Later on, Revek shows the charm to a few others within the Grounds. Seer explains to him it's a charm worn by bugs to increase certain prowess in battle. Revek puts it on, but thinks it's just a fashion item since it doesn't seem to do anything. He leaves it on, thinking it looks nice with his other attire.

Turns out it is not a dud charm. Over the days, it starts to function as the Infection does, except way less harmful. It tints his shell blue, and little Lifeblood sprouts begin popping up as he walks. It gets to the point where he can't go anywhere without Lifeblood just messing up his day-to-day routine. Revek then decides to take a short break from his duties and visits Joni's Repose. While he's there, he makes the decision to protect the Repose. As he situates there, more and more Lifeblood begins to thrive, and the Repose sorta becomes a hub for any bug wanting to explore the domain

Superpowers AU

Hero au, let's go!

Revek's a hero who has the ability to absorb, store, and fire off electricity like a lightning rod. His powers developed after he was struck by lightning and survived, though they didn't manifest until later. When they did manifest, Revek accidentally destroyed city property, as the electricity is fired off from/through his hands. While the rest of Revek's family, who have powers, were training to become heroes, Revek was forced to remain at home. He was also required to wear gloves; he cannot fire electricity if his hands are covered. He hides his powers as instructed by higher-ups, and is commonly known as a powerless hero. Despite his rumored lack of powers, he's stil a patrol hero- a hero who does simpler tasks like stop thefts and the like. Revek's hero name is Cero

Grimm, on the other hand, is a villain. In fact, he's known as one of the most dangerous villains in the city, going by Praxis. He encounters Revek alone one night and find the other interesting. Revek, ignorant to Grimm's true identity, vents about everything; how he feels worthless, how his powers are purposely hidden, etc. Grimm feels sympathetic, and the next day, announces Revek as his personal nemesis

Over the course of months, the pair go after one another, and Revek starts developing feelings for Grimm. After almost a year, Revek's parents find out about his crush, and forbid Revek from seeing Grimm by locking him in his room. Grimm finds out and goes on an explosive rampage. He frees Revek and brings him to his home. Revek recovers and becomes Grimm's partner, both romantically and as a villain. He changes his outfit and renames himself from Cero to Cien, taking the expression "from 0 to 100" literally. He also becomes absolutely unhinged, using his powers to destroy the city that destroyed him

Finally...

Matchmaker AU

This one is kinda short because there's no plot for once lmao. Basically, Revek is a secret matchmaker. He can see the auras of bugs. He pairs those who are compatible and breaks up those who are no longer so. He hides this from everyone, including Grimm and his close friends. Revek has his own realm where he retires if he needed to

Old design. I seriously need to redesign/redraw this, it's over a year old

#my aus #lifeblod protector au #superpowers au #matchmaker revek au

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sleeplessinpnw · 1 year

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Today, emotionally, has been better.

I definitely did some damage. UGH

I am going to figure out how to make it up to her.

I'm noticing that I'm into soothing, indie vibes again. I think it's because I've been needing that energy in my life.

I love myself. I am going to get better. I need to be grateful for this ability to be "comfortable" and living at home with support from my mom. I only have a handful of people in my life and I definitely pushed a lot of people out... but I was feeling claustrophobic in relationships that didn't feel right. I feel guilty about the Freya situation but OMG she's always crying and drunk and I need people who are a little more grounded. I think she blocked my number because I tried to text her and it wouldnt go through. I dont even know.....

I feel bad for myself about what my social media turned into but I will come out of it!! Time to live off the grid and really find myself I guess LOL It was unhealthy. Now that it's gone, less voices.... people.... tellig me to do it and telling me what to say anyway. So REGARDLESS, my problem included that thing.... it's way more than that. Im feeling really nice right now and looser... Not as controlled..... It goes back and forth.

Things will get better. I pray, I pray, I pray, I prayyyy. I will clean up the incorrect actions towards those close to me and let the stuff out of my reach clear out with time.

#personal #blog

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two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat · 2 years

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So like....my dad likes to play devils advocate

And ik normally when people do that its generally as a way to be racist/queerphobic/sexist and use "ahhh im just playing devils advocate" as a defense when people get mad at them

But I KNOW where my dad stands on things. He's very vocal about it. Despite the fact that he thinks of himself as moderate or a centrist or whatever....most of his viewpoints are much farther left than he believes they are. So we actually agree on a lot of things.

When he plays devils advocate its because he's trying to help people strengthen their stance. Which on its own isn't necessarily a bad thing.....the problem is he doesn't know the appropriate time to do that. Nor does he ask first. He just jumps right into trying to challenge your viewpoint regardless of the tone of the conversation. Regardless of what the conversation is even about. He wants you to defend your point to him.

And he holds back quite a bit with people he doesn't know as well. Because as you may have guessed, not many people react well to it. Most of his friends are alright with it.

And maybe for some kids, growing up with a parent like that may have strengthened their debate skills a bit. It did not for me. I shut down in debates. I need a lot of time to think through what im saying. And I need to be able to get my whole point out before the next person starts in with theirs. So if you interrupt me mid sentence I will lose my point to the endless void that is my brain. And possibly also the ability to speak.

But it also had the effect of making me extremely defensive when anyone asks me questions about things that matter to me. Bullying at school also contributed to that. So anytime anyone asks me about literally anything I like or enjoy or believe I feel like I have to debate it to the death. Which then fills me with anxiety because I don't want to do that.

Anyways there was no point to this other than thats something I need to work through

Itd be nice if my dad could work through his childhood trauma that makes him feel like he needs to be like this tho.

#hes also very ''EMOTIONS ARE ILLOGICAL SO IM NOT GOING TO CONSIDER MY OWN EMOTIONS ON THINGS''#like.....sir....#emotions are a part of the picture.........you need to consider them otherwise youre missing part of why youre reacting a certain way #you are not a robot my dude. you have emotions and theyre there for a reason #so you do need to consider them #and your emotions have a point.....what reason is there that may have you feeling those emotions?#my dad needs a loooot of therapy #between mr. ''you need to be able to defend all of your view points to the death and learn everything you need to know about that thing''#and my super willfully ignorant childhood best friend #i have become a very weird and anxious person #''you need to tell me every single little thing you know on this subject'' and ''that idea goes against my beliefs so im going to #tune you out every time you talk about it.''#me: ''aaaaAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH''

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morallyambiguous · 2 years

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how lucky we are that, even crushed under the weight of sadness & grief, we are capable of giving love and joy to other people, and they are often more than happy to give some back.

#i think abt this alot but when i realised you don't have to be happy to bring other people joy‚ it made life so much more bearable.#for the longest time i thought happiness was something you could only spark in others if you experienced it‚ too.#i'd seen that phrase—you can't love anyone until you love yourself—and internalised it. not just with love‚ but with everything else.#i didn't feel much joy‚ love was rotted over with childhood anger & hopelessness‚ home was the body i couldn't escape from.#i didn't understand what it meant to be cared for until i was 16 & things finally started getting better.#but better just meant i didn't have an excuse anymore to be miserable‚ nothing distracting me from how i felt.#it's so easy to see people in groups‚ people laughing‚ people telling jokes & see that as your goal‚ your expected‚ your norm.#the trap 'happy people want to surround themselves w/ other happy people. they want radiant people. people for whom jokes come easy.#they don’t want someone who is always sad‚ who brings the mood down.' is an easy one to fall into. it is not true.#you can be sad‚ you can feel hopeless‚ you can feel unlovable‚ but it doesn't change the fact that you are necessary & wanted.#you do not have to be happy to spread happiness to others‚ you don't need to have to feel hopeful to inspire hope in others.#you can exist as you are & people will still love you because you are not your feelings or your perception of yourself.#i'm still learning not to see my sadness as something unforgivable i have to repent for.#but it's nice to know regardless of what im feeling i have the ability to make someone feel good‚ and what's a better feeling than that?#thank u world for making humanity so wonderful & giving. kisses #text.

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shotorozu · 3 years

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attractive things you do a lot

[sorta milestone celebration, but also something i made during todo’s birthday]

character(s) : multiple; five or more.

legend : [Y/N = your name] they/them pronouns used, hinted to have a strong quirk but it’s not mentioned alot

post type : headcanons + scenario [fluff, the mildest of spice.] third year au! but it’s nothing nsfw, so no need to worry.

note(s) : i was planning on doing denki, tamaki, monoma, and 2 other characters— but my idea train stopped at shinsou so i’m sorry about that! just let me manifest some ideas rq, and i’ll make a part two.

»»————-　♡　————-««

todoroki shouto

eye contact is so attractive to him, he can’t explain it’s exact details

it’s definitely the way the both of you guys can practically read each other’s expressions just by staring into each other’s eyes it’s sorta telepathic?? im half joking

he absolutely loves the way you look away bashfully when you realize he’s staring at you— as you try to pretend he wasn’t just staring at you not so discreetly

and if you feel like it, you’ll stare back at him— totally teasing him with your eyes, as he slowly realizes that you’ve caught him staring

really adores your thinking face for some reason, you could be plotting about giving bakugou a knuckle sandwich, and shouto would just stare like “my s/o’s so attractive :))”

another thing he really likes is when you hold onto his hand, dragging his left side to your face whenever you feel colder than usual

you practically do the same thing when it’s too hot, and he doesn’t care if you’re sweaty or not. nope, not one bit.

he always found it attractive when he sees you bop your head to songs you really like. shouto just really likes seeing you enjoy yourself.

an extra to the cool/hot bit, he makes you run towards his direction by turning off the ac/heater.

last but not the least, his heart swoons when you kiss his scar. he has always been insecure about it, and you have helped him a lot!

mild spice here— whenever you bite your lip, his heart skips a beat

your lips are just so perfect to him, the shape, size, and color. so biting your lip does something alright. he doesn’t know what exactly though.

to conclude this, todoroki’s just whipped for you— it’s very noticable when he finds you extra attractive.

midoriya izuku

he loves seeing you hyped about something you’re really interested in.

like todoroki, seeing you enjoy yourself genuinely makes him content. his s/o having their own interests is really big for him

strength is something he admires (but he’s not power hungry like end*avor, don’t get confused).

so no, it doesn’t just reflect on your strong and capable quirk—

no. it’s so much deeper than that to him, seeing that you can overcome challenges makes his heart swoon

when you tilt your head when listening to him- omg. he might just short circuit from the way you’re looking at him intensely.

he likes it a lot when you reach for his hand, enveloping your hand against his

an extra point if you pay extra attention to the callouses and scars on his hands— purposely rubbing a thumb across his scars

fixing his tie.

like.. [SIMP SCREAMS] he doesn’t really know how to fix it properly, but if you do it for him— he’ll start imagining a rather domestic life so BWNDNWNS warn him

mild spice here— but he loves seeing you fix your hero costume?? there’s something about it that makes him refuse to look away. he thinks you’re very hot btw

but the top tier? it’s when you get along with his mom, and children

like.. you don’t have to be good with them, but you should at least be nice to them! midoriya’s deal breaker is if you don’t get along with his mom so.. you really have to in this relationship

bakugou katsuki

when you put him back in his place- well.. let me explain this one

people are so easily intimidated by him, so people don’t talk at him when he says some shit

so he’ll be genuinely surprised if you talk back at him, because it shows him that you're not afraid of him (and that’s important in a relationship with bakugou)

when you put his face in his palms. he’ll scowl and tell you off, but he actually likes holding your face in his palms

his hands are naturally clammy, so he’s secretly so insecure about them, and if you show him that you really don’t care- then.. that’ll keep him up at night.

same thing with shouto, but if you run to him for warm in colder weathers, that’ll give him an ego boost.

knowing that you’ll only look for him, whenever you feel cold makes him feel all “mushy” inside. again, like how bakugou is- he’ll pretend he absolutely despises it but he’ll actually love it.

mild spice here- but seeing you all worn out, panting under him when he spars with you is something that’ll leave him speechless for the rest of the day. man can’t stop thinking about it, and he has to restrain himself.

last but not the least- it’s when you touch/play with his hair.

YUUUP.

so unexpected because he never lets anyone touch it, sometimes not even his own mother.

but the only hands that are touching the ash blond mesh that is his hair is you.

do whatever with them. create small braids, comb it, tie it with a scrunchy, straighten it. really- he has trust in you

he’s just so whipped when you do it, and it calms him down.

kirishima eijirou

when you call him manly 🤠

and when you do things he considers as ‘manly’ like going out of your way to train your quirk— and helping him study for something he doesn’t quite get and when you succeed

another ‘manly’ thing is when you manage to encourage him— because he himself had confidence issues

so if you do that, he’ll be planning the wedding asap

whenever you just make grabby hands at his hair— wanting to style his hair

oh and if you wanted to redo his roots (if they grow back) then he’ll let you <3 because he absolutely adores it

when you start tracing his jawline when you’re staring at him. he was very caught off guard when you did this for the first time

but he absolutely loves the sensation.

stretching before any exercise! just the way you twist yourself with ease.. he’s mesmerized

he stares a little too much, to the point he gets called out by bakugou multiple times

a little spicy here — he likes your teeth. normal teeth, canine teeth, fangs, whatever!

doesn’t matter if you’re bite your lip, or runnig your tongue along the edge of a tooth. are you trying to seduce him?

he will be seduced 💀 face practically rivalling his faux red hair, trying to avert his gaze— thinking about how pretty you just looked like.

last but not the least!

back hugs. he’s such a fan of them, regardless if you’re taller than him, or shorter

surprise him, and he’ll turn around with this big dopey smile— and he’ll trap you in his arms

shinsou hitoshi

okay, if you randomly send him pictures of yourself (either your prettiest pictures, or the weirdest pictures) he’ll be so in love

like— just look at you! you’re gorgeous to him (saves every singe candid photo you’ve send him)

this is a really weird one but.. when you pick up things with your feet (bonus points if you do it with ease.)

when you start fixing your hair, doing whatever to it— he’s just in awe. (have you hypnotized him with your beauty?)

get him things for his hair like headbands, scrunchies, little barretts and pigtails

he’ll keep it in for as long as he can— since his hair is a little wild, a little braid or ponytail wouldn’t hurt, right?

spice warning (?) whispering into his ear makes his heart pound 10x faster like.. are you trying to kill him?

his quirk gave him a habit of listening to someone’s voice.. a little too much.

SO IF YOU WHISPER IN HIS EAR, HE’LL STOP FUNCTIONING :) do whatever with that info tbh

last but never the least— when you support him, and his journey to becoming a hero

because people have told him that he’ll never be a hero because his quirk was too villainy

nope. you think differently, and that’s what he thinks is most attractive about you.

the ability to support and believe him, even if his quirk seems a little misleading.

»»————-　♡　————-««

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei. i only own the writing.

do not plagiarize my work :))

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selfshipprompts · 2 years

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Hello,

I’d like sm advice too if that’s alright.. What are some ways can I feel closer to my f/o’s? I make playlists and read imagines about them but I still feel like they’re far away sometimes. I’m not sure if part of it is that I’m 20 so I’m already older in the self ship community.. but it makes me so sad and I just want to not feel so alone in this.

I’m sorry if this is too sad. you don’t have to answer this at all but if you do tysm. your replies to everyone are so lovely and your blog is such a beautifully safe place. I appreciate it sm <3

hi there! im really glad you enjoy the blog, and im honored that it's a safe place! i like doing whatever i can to offer help and nice thoughts - there's no obligation to be positive 100% of the time so please don't worry about feeling low!

first of all i just wanna say you're not "older" at all! you're very young (you're years younger than me! haha), i have friends in their 30s who selfship and i don't even view them as ""older"", there is absolutely no age limit on doing what you love, anyone who says otherwise doesn't know what fun is ^^

as for feeling closer to your f/o, i wrote some thoughts a while back on alternatives to buying merch (which can be found here!), but as for a general sense..

reading imagines and making playlists is a great start! i always recommend writing and drawing your ships, regardless of your abilities! moodboards are also really nice, i like to make "boards" for my f/os on Pinterest and pin anything that reminds me of them - clothes I think they'd like, their favourite things, general aesthetics.. also lot of people accept selfship commissions if you'd rather have someone else draw/write/etc them, if you don't have references then you can use picrew or other doll maker / dress up games to give a general idea. speaking of which, there's a lot of couple picrews / doll makers out there! i can make a post with a list of couple picrews that ive found if anyone's interested!

if your f/o has any articles of clothing or accessories that you could buy yourself (or something you feel they'd like-)? wear it and pretend it's theirs! any particular scents that remind you of them? get some candles, incense, body spray, etc! text based games like AI dungeon let you do literally whatever you want so you could dabble in those if that's your cup of tea! sometimes all it takes is a bit of thinking, but there is absolutely no incorrect way to selfship or to spend time with your f/o ^^

i feel like a lot of this is common stuff so i apologise if it's not much help! there's a lot of people out there who surely feel the same so please know that you're not alone, and that for f/os love you lots! take care of yourself! ♡

#long post #not an imagine #skinnyloveneverlasts #advice column

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lovebecomeshim · 3 years

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hello! your zutara posting today has finally motivated me to ask this question because I came to atla very late(last year, to be specific) and I Love It Very Much but am 1000% out of the loop as far as why what remains of fandom (at least that I've seen among my friends) is so very strongly zutara. I'm not opposed to it per se I just don't really know what has driven it to apparently be such a popular ship? can you help me understand and maybe convert me a little bit?

Hey!! Your ICON! :D I can try but I’m not sure how coherent I’ll be; however I AM sure someone a lot more competent will be willing to add to this. Either way, I’m glad you asked because my plan was to drag down as many people as possible with me.

*smacks the hood of zutara* this baby can fit so much mutual love and support!

This got so long, I’m so sorry. I don’t know how to put it under a cut on mobile and it already got deleted once so I’m scared to mess with it lol. Moving on.

I’m gonna start this with a disclaimer that im on mobile so formatting is tricky and I’m also really new to atla in that I only completed my first watch through in like 2019??? So some of my info is all just based on what I’ve picked up from Discourse 👀 so anyway the sparknotes version: zutara was wildly popular from the beginning. To the point where the atla crew internally disagreed on which ship should be endgame. (Ex. Bryke [showrunners] asked the writers to rewrite The Southern Raiders to make Zuko seem less ideal for Katara than Aang [which failed, depending on who you ask]; the animation team purposefully created a visual parrallel between Oma and Shu in the Cave of Two Lovers and Zuko and Katara in the catacombs under Ba Sing Se in the Crossroads of Destiny; etc.)

The ship was popular enough that Bryke actually chose to display zk fanart at a con for the sole purpose of mocking the fans, but that’s neither here nor there. The entire episode Ember Island Players, while a love letter to/parody of the whole show, was an opportunity to address zutara’s viability as a canon pairing (while, again, mocking zutaras for romanticizing that catacombs scene). Point is! It’s always been popular but with it not being endgame, there’s got to be something that’s given it staying power.

And that’s honestly got to do with three things: their dynamic, thematic cohesion, and potential.

(You know what... you know what, it’s four things. The fourth is they’re so aesthetically pleasing together and individually. Like, they’re just good looking people [specifically when they’re grown but they’re also cute kids] and that absolutely doesn’t hurt) (but it’s not the Point, it’s just nice to point out sometimes)

The dynamic is hard to get into without also looking at the canon pairings, but I think I can do that without unnecessary bashing. It’s just that part of the magic of zutara is really highlighted by what they give to each other that their other relationships don’t.

First off, it’s classic enemies to (would be) lovers. The absolute truest form of it. It’s not too different from how CS started out: a rogue antagonist with a job to do—but no personal vendetta against the future love interest—who is deeply and emotionally invested in his personal storyline (revenge/redemption) with little regard for how it effects other people after his entire life and genuine good nature are marred by suffering, and a fierce warrior girl with a strong moral compass and her own personal investment in stopping him (protect her family and save the world doing it). Obviously frustration and animosity grew between them by the nature of them being on opposing sides, but that just lends itself to the sweetness of their later reconciliation.

The thing is that while they’re wildly different on the surface (he’s a hot-headed prince of a fascist regime who is trying to capture the Avatar to please his father; she’s a nurturing daughter of the chief who is trying to protect and train the Avatar in order to topple his father’s throne) they find out that they have so much more in common both in their experiences and their personalities.

(What follows is an excessive use of the word “both” and I’m sorry about that)(I can edit it. I can do that. That IS an option............)

They both have an innate sense of justice that they are determined to see done (zuko, at the war meeting, sticking up for the Earth Kingdom kid when the guards torment his family, choosing not to steal from the pregnant couple despite his circumstances, abiding by his word to leave the SWT should Aang come willingly, etc.; katara, literally.... at any point). They both have pretty one-track minds at accomplishing certain goals once they’ve put their mind to it, regardless of a lack of support in that endeavor (it goes without saying I guess, but zuko’s entire hunt; katara’s determination to get the earth benders to fight back, her determination to absolutely destroy Pakku until he agrees to teach her, etc.). They both lost their mothers at young ages. Their worlds are war-torn and traumatizing to them both, if in different ways, but that ultimately forces them to grow up too quickly to be wholly independent individuals. They both have issues with their fathers (for WILDLY different reasons, but). They both hold extreme prejudices that they need to learn to overcome (which ties into thematic cohesion)(bit like Lizzie and Darcy in that way but magnified by a million). They’re both extremely emotional and empathetic—which can and often does result in loud outbursts. Katara’s a bit better adjusted and can temper her anger for longer than S1 Zuko can, but they both feel that anger deeply and have no compunctions expressing it (Katara is, usually, more justified, particularly in S1. Again, S1 Zuko is severely maladjusted but at the point when they could’ve feasibly become a couple, he’s so much better off with the way he carries himself). They both struggle with feelings of inferiority in their bending abilities when confronted with prodigal benders like Aang and Azula, but have the work ethic required to double down and become two of the most powerful benders in the three remaining nations. This is a little more minor but it is a parrallel that appeals to some shippers that they both have these alter egos in the Painted Lady (notably fire nation coded) and the Blue Spirit (water tribe coded) that are pretty different from who they are day-to-day and are useful in accomplishing a purpose that they as themselves cannot.

(I’m.... I just realized that this could potentially get very long. Should I have made a slide show with bullet points??????)

Anyway, similar. I know there’s more but there’s literally so much to love about zutara that I’ll drive myself a little crazy trying to compile all the ways they’re similar. (Just gonna say that at this exact moment I went back to add more similarities.... so okay then)

Once they’ve reconciled, we see how all of these things only lend themselves to a deeper intimacy together than they share with literally anyone else. There’s a steady partnership that positions them as the mom/dad of the gaang, while also providing the support necessary to allow the other to not have to carry so much responsibility. A lot of zutaras will point out how zuko is actually depicted doing the more domestic chores that are normally relegated to Katara once he joins the gaang, since the others in the group are two 12-year-olds and sokka. The one that sticks out the most is how he makes tea for the group and then serves them, while Katara is able to just relax with her friends around the fire. Fanon expands upon this a lot to Zuko helping with the laundry or the cooking or whatever else needs doing since he, as a once-refugee, is used to doing his own domestic tasks. Before Zuko joined, Katara was the one mothering everyone, sewing for them, cooking for them, etc. She’s always tending to the needs of the group, and that includes emotionally. She does the emotional labor for the gaang 99% of the time, but when she’s the one falling apart, she’s usually doing it alone and without the comfort that she normally provides for others. Until Zuko. And that’s before they’re even friends.

Which is WHY people romanticize the catacombs of Ba Sing Se so much. Katara is verbally attacking Zuko out of her own righteous anger but also her own prejudice when Zuko, surprisingly, chooses to be vulnerable with her. He’s been on a journey that’s opened his eyes a bit, but he’s never actively chosen to expose the rawest parts of his past to anyone. But for some reason he chooses to do that with Katara of all people. While she’s yelling at him. He sees her humanity, and for once can look past his prejudice and empathize with her. And this time, when she breaks down, she gets to be comforted. Katara normally talks about her mother when she’s trying to explain to someone else that she sees and understands they’re pain, as a form of comfort to them. Here, Zuko uses the exact same tactic. He sees her and he understands. And for zuko? He’s not being shut down. He’s allowed to articulate his pain regarding his mother without being ignored and made to internalize it, and he’s allowed to process how he feels about his scar out loud without being told that he deserved it. And then he lets her touch his scar, something we’ve seen him actively avoid before. He’s completely open to her and she’s completely open to him and all it took was one five minute conversation. She was about to use the little bit of Spirit water that she had, that she was saving for something Important, to heal the scar that still daily causes him pain just because they had, somehow, connected.

Plus there’s the whole parallel to the star-crossed lovers forbidden from one another, a war divides their people—

And then zuko messes up, he regresses, he gets what he wants and he HATES it. And the sense of justice he had as a child has been restored to him against his will and he can’t think of anything he wants to do more than the Right Thing, so he joins team avatar. Before he does that though, we get to see his relationship with Mai, which is where comparison really comes in. And what we see is Zuko, fresh off of his encounter with Katara in the catacombs, trying to be emotionally honest with Mai... and getting shut down and dismissed. Which is just how Mai is and it’s fine, but not for Zuko. Still, he keeps trying, and he keeps getting ignored or scoffed at or yelled at. Which is really a larger symbol for how he doesn’t fit in his old life anymore, but again that’s about thematic cohesion. He tries to articulate his anxieties about returning home, he tries to make romantic gestures, he tries to explain how morally conflicted he’s feeling—and Mai diverts to some kind of physical affection to shut him up and a parting comment that is pretty much always, in essence, “I don’t wanna talk about this.” So they don’t. On the other hand, once zuko and Katara are friends, we see him again emotionally distraught and caught up in his anxieties about facing Iroh, and it’s Katara who comes to him and listens to him and comforts and encourages him.

Similarly, we have Aang clamming up and getting uncomfortable whenever Katara shows any negative emotion, usually resulting in him making excuses or running away. Or, in the case of the Southern Raiders, lecturing her on how she needs to just let go of her anger about her mother’s murder. People have talked this episode to death and usually better than I ever could, so imma... keep it brief. There’s a serious disconnect between Aang and Katara in his ability to empathize with Katara and her needs that has her tamping down her vulnerability and amping up her anger. He tells her that he was able to forgive his people’s genocide and appa’s kidnapping (petnapping? Theft??), which is blatantly not true but also not an entirely equal parrallel to Katara’s situation, and continues making these little remarks throughout the episode. But it’s Zuko that Katara opens up to. It’s with him that she’s able to talk about the most traumatic day of her life, and it’s with him that she’s able to get the closure she needs, cementing their bond as friends and partners. This disagreement between Aang and Katara is then... never resolved. They just never bring it up and hear what the other is saying.

There’s a fic called The Portraits of Ember Island that has a line that so completely sums up the heart of the matter for why people love their dynamic. For context, zuko has woken up early to help Katara with the cooking and they spend the whole time just letting one another talk, and zuko stops to ask why she always just lets him talk. And so she stops to ask why he’s always helping, and it goes as follows:

There’s just... so much mutual support! Trust! Intimacy!! And it just continues like that from the Southern Raiders on, listening to each other, advising each other, watching each other’s backs! And then! Literally saving each other’s lives!! I will never be over the last Agni kai. Not ever. Zuko may have been willing to jump in front of lightning for anyone, but he actually did it for Katara. And in a show, that’s the thing that really matters. It’s a fulfilled trope usually exclusively applied to romantic pairings, and it ended up applying to Zuko and Katara. And then she ran out into the middle of a fight with tunnel vision just to get to him.

Also!! Also Zuko pushing Katara out of the way of the falling rocks at the Western Air Temple!! And Katara catching him as he fell from the war balloon that he fought Azula on!! Before they’re even getting along, they’re the ones reaching for each other. They come to this place of equal ground, as partners, who watch each other’s backs, call each other out but still listen attentively and understand, and provide the support that the other has been sorely lacking up until they knew each other (whether that be from lack of effort or lack of understanding from others, or an unwillingness to accept it for themselves).

Then, trailing along under the surface of this, we see the themes of the show totally embodied by Zuko and Katara as individuals and in their relationship to one another. There’s a YouTuber, sneezyreviews, who has a, like, 2-hour explanation on why she not only loves zutara but also believes that their endgame would’ve actually elevated the writing of atla to new levels particularly because of thematic cohesion and resolved character arcs. It’s the zutara dissertation I never knew I needed, and it’s funny and eloquent and effective, so I’m just going to sum up her section on thematic cohesion to the best of my abilities and then link it for whenever you have the time. And I HIGHLY recommend it, especially if you want a full understanding of what makes zutara so great and gives it such longevity.

Guru pathik has a line that goes something like this: separation is an illusion; things that seem different are just two parts of the same whole. Iroh also tells Zuko something similar: balance and strength are achieved when the different nations come together and influence one another and celebrate what makes them each unique. And this lesson is a massive central arc that both Zuko and Katara go through, moving past a black-and-white, good guys-vs-bad guys, us-vs-them mentality and into a greyer, more nuanced view of the world. Zuko sees the fire nation from an entirely new perspective and while he still loves and hopes for his nations future, he surrenders his blind loyalty to them in exchange for an unflinching loyalty to peace and love. Katara too had to come to terms with the fact that cruel people exist in the earth kingdom and water tribes, while some fire nation citizens are just regular, kind people who also need and deserve to have someone speak on their behalf. And this is honed in directly on how they view each other. They grow in their individual journeys to be open to the humanity in the other and then, once they’ve found that, they’re able to grow more in compassion for others in a beautiful feedback loop. And this is all matched in the symbolism repeatedly and intentionally associated with them in canon: sun and moon, fire and water, yin and yang, Oma and Shu who found love despite their warring nations. Their individual arcs are completed in each other and complement the themes of atla beautifully.

The canon pairs... just don’t. Which, again, is fine. But the very things that give atla longevity and popularity are anchored in zutara. Kat@ang doesn’t accomplish this. They’re... nice. Sweet. Especially when you erase a good portion of their interactions in S3. It could’ve been just a sweet love story. (Personally, the dynamic between toph and aang accomplish the same thing that zutara does, with complementary personalities that fulfill the theme of opposites blending in harmony) M@iko, on the other hand, is less sweet but I think wasn’t even supposed to last. Zuko’s relationship with Mai seems to represent his relationship with his old life as a whole. He can’t be emotionally vulnerable, he’s goaded into abusing his privileges, his agency and opinions aren’t respected. They just don’t have common ground with which to discuss anything that matters, so they don’t. As far as themes, the relationship doesn’t fit with atla. It’s zuko returning to and sticking with what is (on the surface) like him, what’s expected. Fire nation with fire nation. Fluid water bender with the flexible air bender. Like with like, separated from what is different and challenging and complementary.

And all of these things combined of course lead to the potential for the ship. I don’t know how familiar you are with the post-atla canon but... well, miss “I will never turn my back on people who need me”, miss “I don’t want to heal! I want to fight!” ends up living quietly in the SWT as a designated healer who turns a blind eye to the water tribe civil war happening right outside her front door. Which can be fine! People change! Some people just wanna stay inside. I just wanna stay inside! But the potential future for zutara is so much more satisfying, with Katara becoming the most unconventional Fire Lady the uppity old cads who are stuck on the old ways have ever seen. Fanon has her serving as a voice for the other nations within a kingdom at the point of its biggest political upheaval, as a confidante to Zuko who can actually help him while he’s trying to figure out how to move forward and make reparations. They have the opportunity, together, to accomplish what they both have set on their hearts to fight for: positive change that lends itself to harmony and balance. And the steambabies! A popular headcanon is that their firstborn daughter, the crown princess, is actually a waterbender, which causes such an uproar among the people who are adamantly clinging to the old ways. It’s just a future full of potential to be forces for good together, full of trust, intimacy, joy. The exact era of peace and love and balance that zuko announces that he intends to ring in with the start of his reign as Fire Lord is, again, magnified by the very personal zutara relationship. And we love to see it.

tl;dr zutara isn’t for everyone. Some people just don’t vibe with it. Some are nostalgic. Some love the canon they grew up with. Some have been disappointed for years. Some just see themselves in other characters and want their happiness instead. Whatever the reason, that’s fine. But for me, I love the way these two, from the moment they give each other a fair chance, are able to lower their walls and prejudices to see the other for the kindred spirits they are. They see each other’s humanity, and their response is to pour out love and support and compassion. I love that they’re a power couple in battle. I love the symbolism and, honestly, soulmatism that colors their every interaction. I love that they embody the whole storyline of atla in their relationship and how it develops, which is notably why their seasonal arcs always culminate in each finale with how they relate to one another. I love that zuko adopting a waterbending move is what actually saves his life and then katara’s. I love the chemistry! And I love the future they could’ve had, instead of the ones they were given.

So, in conclusion: I just think they’re neat and I hope you do too, at least a little bit. Even if it’s just respectfully from a disinterested distance cause you do you. And now here is the video I mentioned. I’m sorry this post got so long and then I gave you an even longer homework assignment, but I can’t recommend it enough. She says it all better than I can.

youtube

#zutara #atla #zutara rant #like really the way the canon relationships were written throughout s3 #it would’ve been more believable for zutara to happen #or at least be hinted at #all of the major issues presented in those relationship were dug up extensively and then... never resolved #and then they just slapped some kisses on a screen and said ‘there all better’#and we just kinda had to say ‘oh ok guess it’s all better then’#this got long I’m sorry #I wrote it all out and then tumblr ate 2/3 of it #which is why it took so long #and what I’ve written now doesn’t even match what I had before #because there’s too much to say about why I love zutara #and the stuff I left out the first time is what came out this time #rip to my original thoughts but this post is different #anyway that’s why this took so long #and I should’ve just made a PowerPoint...#I can do that too if you’d rather not read all of this lol #I won’t be offended #this is incoherent #Alia rambles uselessly #also hoping this doesn’t end up in any wrong tags because I don’t wanna step on toes lol #it’s not anti!! it’s just critical #in a compare/contrast way #I can pinpoint the moment when I started trying to rewrite my points from memory #because everything gets shorter and more succinct #like... I really said all that??? sounds fake and I don’t remember it anyway so here’s the condensed version #with no!! smooth!!! transitions!!!!#also why am I so lazy with proper grammar over text

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