#but like a) cis women also do this lmao and b) i think all women would do this less if we stopped imposing these standards on them

[unproduciblesmackdown]

fr both taylor's quants as mirrors to themself. rian Seen as so meritous and deserving and talked to and tasked with and advised and considered but apparently rian's whole thing is going "huh. wha" and having wendy's level of self-reflection (none). winston who is begrudgingly allowed to sit in his corner and ignored b/c he's undeserving so he can't really be meritous and nobody would look in that mirror b/c it's gonna be So not their reflection. while he just won't stop cassandraing and having all these insights and perception and observations nobody even asked or told him to have and is peak taylor understander and just like taylor: isn't guided by a paper-thin ego but also will take criticism / blame / mistreatment Too Much for his own good

[biracy]

abt your post abt bi women belonging in the wlw community just as much as lesbians : i was reading the replies and youre so right abt how ignorant people are abt what comphet really is. im a lesbian and like yea i think we would experience comphet in the most intense way since were not attracted to men in any level, but comphet isnt only abt that, its a symptom of the patriarchy forcing women to center men in their lives and hell even straight women experience comphet, let alone bi women. people just have thrown around the word comphet so much they dont even know the true meaning

I was actually gonna post abt this soon LMAO so yeah!! I think it's also a misunderstanding of what "heterosexuality" as a dominant social force is to say that lesbians who are not attracted to men can experience "comphet", but bisexual women who are attracted to men cannot experience it. "Heterosexuality" as it is defined by dominant social forces is not only "a relationship between a man and a woman" - it's almost always a relationship between a "masculine" man and a "feminine" woman, and quite often a relationship between a man and a woman that results in monogamous marriage and childbirth. When people write about comphet, they're not talking about how movies and TV and fairy tales and children's books and my parents and my teachers and my religion all came together and told me to want to fuck genderfucky bi guythings. There is a specific kind of man centered in the heterosexuality enforced onto women, and a specific kind of role that a woman is expected to take on in that heterosexuality. I think the idea that bi people (women especially) cannot experience "comphet" overlaps a lot with people who believe that all bisexual people have the capability to become "straight-passing" if they enter different-gender relationships, which is in and of itself based on, in my observances, the belief that "gay/lesbian culture" and "bisexual culture" are completely distinct and that bisexual people are in some way innately less capable of being gender-nonconforming (or as some Tumblr scholars will call it, "visibly queer"). Bisexual people often date each other, we're often trans and/or visibly gender-nonconforming, and that's not something that we can just turn off the minute we enter into a quote unquote "heterosexual relationship." I'm bisexual, I'm nonbinary and id as both a man and a woman (so I take part in all these "sapphic" conversations etc etc u know the drill), I'm weird and kinky and switchy, I'm polyamorous, right now I'm dating a cis butch bi girl and a trans + nonbinary pan guy. At this point in my life I have absolutely no interest in relationships with cishet men, I don't want to get monogamously married, I never want to have children. I have not performed heterosexuality any better than, idk, a "gold star lesbian" has, and I FEEL it, I'm given shit for it, every relative I have pressures me already about boyfriends and grandkids and whatever. I do think there are bisexual people sometimes who do conform more to Straight Society but a) I think there are an equal amount of gay guys and lesbians who conform to Straight Society tbqh and b) it doesn't cover the breadth of bisexual people who do exist and who do feel the pressure to conform to the mainstream, dominant social system of heterosexuality and who CANNOT conform to it any more than you, anon, probably can. So yeah TL;DR bi girls can definitely experience "comphet" lmao and people are probably gonna hate that I said that

[fiddles-ifs]

I'd like to preface this by saying a) this is an ask in good faith b) I am asking this entirely neutrally. Do you think you'll add any women ROs to Erinys? I ask this just because I really like the way you write women, I like the way their gender changes their perspective in some ways (F!Bautista vs. M!Bautista, for instance), and as a non-cis butch lesbian it's a breath of fresh air compared to many of the women ROs in other IFs. It's ok if not! I don't think you need one and it sounds like Erinys is going to be a more intimate/focused project, I was just curious. I'm super excited to go through a trans arc with Fury, I think that's going to be great!! (And if you're reading this you're NOT allowed to use this ask to harass Fiddles.)

It depends on if a character pops up that I'd like to explore the romance for! At the moment, there's a lot of content for just two ROs. Lane has their own plotline to help resolve, so does Mattie, and the polyship between the two of them is going to involve both their bugfuck crazy plans and trying to juggle them. There's also Fury's own arc(s) that will play between all three routes and serve as something of a common denominator. I'm trying to keep Erinys more focused in general. Adding more might kill me LMAO

[possibilistfanfiction]

(1/2) Yeah absolutely, I get what you mean with Ava just being blissed out by Beatrice. I guess I phrased it wrong, not necessarily about directly comparing B to a bro, but it's more like, I wonder if Ava - in the same way that Beatrice is allowed to explore her identity - if Ava allows herself be introspective and examine her own attraction and ~types, so to speak. But maybe it's not needed?

(2/2) Like is Ava in the gog so on the other side of identity acceptance that she can just be ~present with B and isn't really hung up on a needing to further explore herself within the relationship? Like that natural freedom she has to her helps her make peace with concepts comes to her much faster and more naturally than B? (Also thank u for ur time u legend)

ok i'm not Entirely sure what this is getting at but just to clarify a few things that i think it's asking:

1 ava's experience of/with queerness is profoundly different than bea's. i don't think that ava's ever struggled with being queer any more than she's struggled with not having the access to experience everything she wants. for ava, desire is so integral to her ability to experience what life is ('i want to live') without systemic, more than any, limitations, & so it makes sense that queerness would just be a part of how to fully access pleasure & want & love & safety. (there's so much more in here about how if ava had been given care & access then being disabled wouldn't have taken away any huge degree of pleasure from her life, but that's for another day! whew.) bea's experience with queerness is one of fear, of it being 'a flaw,' one that made her feel not valued, not worthy. so even just within their characters, i don't think that ava's exploration of queerness is internal so much as it is just... getting to feel the things that come along with love, especially queer love. bea's is allowing herself to be who she is, in whatever way that may be or look at the time. also, ava is white, & bea is Asian, & there's cultural & systemic harms that come along with intersections of identity (including ava's disability too, of course). so i think ava's queerness is an external exploration, in a way, & bea's is just like. letting herself feel anything at all, & then working for that to be positive.

2 listen... ava isn't on love island lmao.

she liked JC, maybe even loved him in a way, & then Fell IN LOVE with bea. even if she did have 'types' (which is like... beyond a little laugh, kind of weird in most cases), i really just do not fuck with the idea that masc of center women, especially butches & dykes, are in the same category as cis men. butches & dykes are like... god tier (so are femmes, y'all know i love u!). but like, even if ava DID have types, bea with short hair & a good pair of pants isn't anywhere close to JC in any categorization?? maybe if ava was like hmm soft butches?? hot.... bea, tasha cloud.... awesome. but bea & a boy. no. i think ava's 'type' is just people who show her patience & kindness & are funny & smart. beyond that, she's just glad she's hot & they're hot

3 there are so many ways — infinite ways!!!! — to be butch! & they're all beautiful & they're all hard to come to! i think i write abt bea's queerness bc a) i love writing abt being butch bc i love being butch lol; b) being butch is abt private decisions you have to make, all the fucking time! how do u want ppl to read you as a woman/dfab person who isn't a trans man but like... doesn't feel like a CIS WOMAN? do u feel safe to be masc? what does androgyny & masculinity look like TO YOU? butchness for me is actually so fucking soft, & wonderful. i don't picture (or write) bea as a stone or hard butch; there's a comfortable breath of an in-between there: cottons & linens & soft hair & clean skin, a big bed, a little mascara, the very rare suit but not often, & only for events. it's on purpose, bc i think ppl often have a p reductive view of masculinity & butchness, & femininity & femmeness, & all the gentleness that exists in being a dyke kind of gets lost. it's just... not femme. there are so, so many ways to be soft butch especially. & those are all decisions that have to be made all the time. like it is constant &, while having a partner who is truly just along for the ride is helpful, my wife being supportive of me hasn't made those decisions on my behalf. i have to make them, every day, every time i get dressed, every time i put on a watch or shoes, even just to like... go to the store. it rly is smth u are constantly figuring out, even without like hyper-homophobic parents fucking you up as a kiddo. so yeah, i think, if ava wants to try anything w appearance, bea wouldn't care at all, she would be just as happy. but like... the essence of being a dyke isn't abt appearance so much as it is everything, & aesthetic is just a way to reflect who you are. & i know i've written this, very clearly lol, but bea's queerness (& ava's, & anyone's) has absolutely nothing to do with who they date, or marry, or love, or fuck. being queer is a politic, an expression, a way of existing. being a dyke is those things in spades, with a very, very special orientation toward liberation throughout history.

4 w my life partner, & my friends, all i care about is that they're happy. like legit. are ur material needs met? do you feel loved by me? -- if those are both good strong yeses, then like... we are good. i cannot imagine loving my partner less if she wanted to do literally anything aesthetically other than maybe like... a giant face tattoo or something lol. but exploring expression? i would never feel less than proud or brave. do i have favorite stuff? of course! do i think my friends sometimes make decisions that are not the cutest possible? of course! so do it! bc i want to! bc i want to try. & so yeah, i don't think ava would ever think less of bea, & i don't think bea would ever think less of ava. it's not like, a lack of care abt being physically attracted to someone, it's like... u love that person, & their body is gorgeous. ava's disabled, too, so u know there is profound care that bea shows & has to grow into as that changes & shifts too!

anyway i still don't know what this was rly asking lol but... butches/dykes should not be in the same category as cis men at all ever lol; ava & bea are just horny & in love. rules of thumb

[roipecheur]

Do you like omegaverse?

A secret, third option!

(Cut for length and nsfw text)

As a fandom phenomenon:

I did read the original J2 fics that kicked off this whole trend some years back

It's been interesting to see how it's evolved over the years. I was in SPN fandom back when it first became popular, and then I wasn't really in fandom and didn't read omegaverse for years

Take into account that is one person's perspective from the fandoms I was personally in, I have not done a widespread review of all things omegaverse

(I actually just checked the Journal of Transformative Works for an article on omegaverse as a trend, and didn't find one for the term omegaverse or by searching alpha AND beta AND omega, which is a little surprising to me)

In any case

Early days: cis male alpha/cis male omega pairings. The omega would have a self-lubricating asshole and smell irresistible to the alpha when they went into heat. Mentions of cis female omegas, but the focus was usually on the m/m pairing. Mentions of female alphas, but usually cis female alphas that milked the omega cis male's dick with a super pussy that like, locked down or something in a reverse of knotting. Sometimes cis male omegas could get impregnated and sometimes they were infertile and just had heats

Current trends: I've noticed way more intersex omegas. Alphas going into rut in addition to omega heats #itsequality. Mating bites. Family units as packs. Sometimes, psychic bonds come with mating bites and/or packs. Inability to physically leave someone you've just mated with. A lot more variety in how irresistible the heat/rut smell is and exactly what someone may want during their cycle, e.g., omegas going into "I want to nurse and cuddle my baby" mode instead of sex mode, alphas fighting each other to blow off steam. Alongside that, variety in how intense a heat/rut is, on a scale of mildly annoying/distracting but manageable to removing someone's higher brain functions and leaving only instinct. More omega/omega or alpha/alpha pairings. The concept of transitioning, where someone can go from alpha to omega, etc.

I think betas have remained mostly the same throughout, although I do remember something where betas had a kind of "glue the pack together" function in a newer fic rather than just being "regular humans" as in older fics

In wider culture:

The omegaverse lawsuit

Omegaverse fucking with AI datasets

This shit is hilarious and I genuinely hope we never stop

Common critiques:

1, Omegaverse is just reinventing sexism minus the women / it's so sexist that it's managed to remove women from a story about sexism

2, It's codifying top/bottom into gender

Honestly? Maybe sometimes? But it really depends on the story, and there are a lot of different versions out there, so I find this reductive

The one (1) omegaverse fic I wrote aligned both alphas and omegas more closely with the queer community than the sexism allegory while making it clear that they were also their own thing

Also, omegaverse started out as an excuse to write weird, kinky porn. A lot of it still centers around weird, kinky porn

Sometimes your hindbrain wants what it wants, "your kink is not my kink & that's ok", and you aren't trying to unpack the full implications of a world where this is real

Or, you want to put these bitches into a situation, and an omegaverse where character A benefits as an alpha and character B suffers as an omega is just an interesting situation

Like. I generally think it's whatever

Slash fandom has also been accused of sexism and gay fetishism in a variety of ways that are not exclusive to omegaverse, and I am keeping that can of worms firmly closed right now lmao

Weird sex and sex mechanics:

I love when people get weird with it. Omegaverse did not invent this, like I'm sure there were some 1950s sci-fi writers creating man-made alien pussy beyond our comprehension

Ovigonopods of Love: a Strange Horizons short story from 2001, featuring underwater bug sex involving three different sexes and metamorphosis, on the subject of weird sex that definitely predates omegaverse

My issue with og omegaverse, and part of the reason I didn't read it for such a long time, is that it doesn't get weird enough

Listen. Uh. Gonna talk about scat here, but listen.

If your asshole self-lubricates, you are unavoidably gonna shit yourself. Especially if you're getting your ass stretched by a knot and stuffed with an industrial amount of jizz for days on end. Some people can suspend their disbelief when reading omegaverse involving self-lubricating assholes, and godspeed, but I personally cannot

I think if you're going to imply ass babies, you may as well go all the way and give the guy a cloaca ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

That being said, I do like intersex omegas for much the same reason. I can wrap my brain around it. I know where the babies are coming from, and I'm not reading through a fic and trying to blank out the horror of some poor guy pushing a baby out of his ass

I'm not even opposed to anal knotting! I've read an alpha/alpha fic like that and an alpha/omega fic. If an asshole can take a fist with proper lube and stretching, it can take a knot, and I accept that. It's the self-lubricating and days of fucking during a heat that get me

Story development:

One thing I don't like about omegaverse is when it's used as an excuse to throw the ship into intense feelings and fucking without doing any of the work to show me why this ship works

(And I don't mean PWPs, there are some good omegaverse PWPs in the same way there are some good sex pollen ones, or aliens/gods/demons/fairies/magic made them do it)

BUT. You cannot have two characters who maybe didn't even like or know each other suddenly be in love because they shared a heat and rut and now they're mated. I just won't buy it, but I won't buy this in soulmate AUs or any other kind of fic, either

What happens after the heat/rut induced fucking? Are they stuck together because of a mating bite? Is this for societal reasons or because it physically hurts to leave, or both? Or do they separate immediately after? Is it weird when they meet again? How? Did they have a relationship before this? How does it change that? How does it change their relationship with other people, especially if this is in the pack bonds version of omegaverse?

Worldbuilding:

If it goes beyond a PWP, I do have questions

From an evolutionary standpoint, why are there alphas, betas, and omegas? Can betas have babies with each other, or are omegas the only ones who can get pregnant?

If betas are infertile, their evolutionary role could be to protect and provide for alphas and omegas when they would otherwise be vulnerable in heat/rut and when they're carrying and raising children

But if betas are infertile, why are there male and female betas?

If betas can have babies, it's possible that alphas and omegas have more babies and that there is an evolutionary tradeoff between that and between your heat/rut making you more vulnerable and the time and energy costs in having more children, which could lead to the two different modes of human reproduction

Either way......why does your society have a binary man/woman gender system rather than a ternary alpha/beta/omega gender system?

Possibly because you can't tell someone's designation by looking at them and because people hide their scent, and maybe also because most people are betas with alphas and omegas being in the minority

On a similar note, how common/rare are male omegas and female alphas? Have you basically reached a point where there is no sexual dimorphism? What is the reason for this?

Where did the terms alpha, beta, and omega even come from? They honestly sound really formal to me, and the one (1) omegaverse fic I wrote differentiated between these as more modern terms and the terms people used to use, which in modern times were more widely considered slurs

In conclusion, do I like omegaverse?

[justsomeguycore]

sorry soooooo funny op is a r*dfem bc like this is a great quote and statement but imagining it’s applying to gender dysphoria is so funny. yeah who benefits from my transgender insecurities? american eagle and my local dispensary mostly

[snekdood]

most trans women are the cool sister i always wanted

[philhoffman]

This week’s Monday Philm on a ✨ Wednesday ✨ is Flawless (1999), dir. Joel Schumacher. 

I just watched this a few weeks ago but realized that’s one of my favorite things about PSH films (and my favorite movies in general) — I really can’t get tired of them, as long as he’s on screen doing his thing I’ll find something valuable or funny or touching or unique in each viewing.

It’s inherently debatable to cast a straight, cis man as a trans woman, but this Letterboxd review has a good discussion of queer representation and the 90s and this film. Ultimately, I think Phil’s performance as Rusty is so tender and honest, it makes Flawless leagues better than it would’ve be without him. It helps to know how much PSH put into this role — his preparation and the education he sought, tackling his own greatest anxieties and fears as an actor and a man, how protective he felt of Rusty and his deep affection for the drag queens and trans women and other people who helped him. 

Also just super neat to see Phil acting with Robert De Niro. In nearly every interview, Phil spoke about how excited and terrified he was to work with a legend like that. He must’ve been SO nervous but you’d never be able to tell from his performance — Rusty is so cool and confident against Walt in every scene. It’s collaborations like that that make me mourn Philip’s loss all over again, that he died so young before he could really take on the mantle of the elder actor. I think most of the actors who worked with him after a certain point viewed him with a similar deference, especially on stage and later in his career, but I wish he’d been able to experience it fully, being the legendary old man in the room. I don’t think he’d enjoy it, actually, at all lmao, but it would be a new challenge for him to grow and deepen his talent even more. I wonder when his eyebrows would’ve turned as blond as his hair.

Back to the movie — this is a film entirely about performances because the script is lacking. I’ve written before about how much I hate the stupid crime/mob boss subplot. I understand its role in the story now more than I did on my first watch or two, but Flawless would be a significantly better movie if that B story didn’t exist. Still some good lines though, this time it was “Play that funky music, white boy” and “Alright, I’ll take a Midol” that got me.

In conclusion: I enjoy Flawless, but I am most excited bc next week kicks off a FIRE lineup of Monday Philms that will last a solid two months at least before we hit a weaker film again. It will be an awesome Phil Fall!!!!! >:)

[cactus-joke]

the thing i will never wrap my head around is introducing sylvie as a frankenloki & then giving her absolutely no depth despite her being the key protagonist of season 1... like mike must hate women for the fact that

1) all the tva women of color are sidelined immediately (at least the two w the most prominent & interesting roles/backgrounds) for a white ladies development

2) you can count all the tva lady agents we see onscreen w one hand

3) frankenloki aka sylvie has a bunch of gaps for a character like where’d she get blonde hair dye. if ure hellbent on revenge why are u making stops at wallmart 2 get a box of hair bleach. where’d she get asgardian leather but SPECIFICALLY for her top (she’s wearing baggy pants & combat boots w that ensemble??? which as i say it also sounds like those corny wattpad “put my hair in a messy bun, wore my combat boots” fanfic outfits 😭), why and how did she get the AoA loki horns, she didn’t have them when she was taken. if she hates the loki association why’s she wearing the horns & the color green which is... the biggest target to be perceived as loki

4) if she’s an important part of the self love metaphor romance why does she always make this face “😐🤨🤢😐🤨😐” when loki talks (berating him & betraying him in the end aside ofc!)

5) why do we not know her nexus event? why do we not know why she chose the name sylvie? why does she have no prominent character traits outside of having a vagina? why is she cis? why did she get taken at the tender age of an elementary schooler but not when she was born if her crime was being born a girl?

6) has mike waldron ever met, spoken to, or seen a woman? has he engaged in critical, intelligent conversation with anyone, really?

7) can i be emotionally compensated by disney for simultaneously the most BORING (how do you make.. the god of mischief & tricks... boring is beyond me) and convoluted overstuffed show for wasting my time?

I don't know that Mike hates women, but I do think, based on his interviews and the resulting product he made, that:

1) It was certainly a choice to make the two prominent black female characters slaves to a fascist organization and one essentially a leader of it. A choice I don't think anyone involved in creating this show spent a second to think about.

I don't think they were necessarily sidelined on purpose, however. I just think it's an inevitable by-product of the show's terrible pacing and even worse writing. That scene one between B-15 and Renslayer, a scene I think was ultimately a waste of time, made me think that they probably did want to highlight at least those two characters on their own merit. They failed, of course, in the end, and with the set-up I think the intention or lack of intention doesn't really matter since we get what we get, you know?

It's not really a shinning example of giving your characters of color time and care, either, but I do have to highlight B-15's moment of doubt, a scene I think Wunmi Mosaku absolutely killed (seriously, everyone needs to check out her other work, she is effort and talent personified.).

Besides that, if you ask me, no character in this show has any real development anyway, including Sylvie. It is an uneven display of screen-time because obviously she's a main over everyone else but, like, can it even be said that Sylvie particularly benefited from it? I don't really think so. As you said, she has no depth, she is just an empty girlboss fantasy, and the diversity in general in this show feels empty to me.

2) I didn't really even want more TVA foot soldiers to be women. It wouldn't be a diversity win so much as just more empty pandering and Marvel's typical (military) propaganda fuel.

Anyway, I'd like to highlight some youtube creators of color who make great in-depth videos on this issue:

Khadija Mbowe: Color-blind vs. Identity-conscious casting and examining Hamilton and Malcom & Marie

Town of Tawiah: Performative Diversity and Colorism in Film | Dear White People Review, My Wife & Kids,HTGAWM & More

Cheyenne Lin: GOOD Representation Matters | Colorism and Casting

There's obviously way more, but these videos are a good starting point to expand on this topic from people who know what they're talking about. I put a link to their videos while the link on their names will lead you to their respective channels.

3) Sylvie's whole appearance is bullshit from the get-go. They deliberately used comic book references on her to confuse us and make their dumbshit twist of: oh, see, she actually is a Loki variant!

I remember seeing a post essentially saying whoever thinks Sylvie is a Loki variant with 100% certainty is media illiterate lmao, so I guess it worked on some people.

So, you know, IMO, it doesn't matter that it doesn't make sense for her to wear Loki's signature colors and the iconic AoA head-wear, she just does because fuck you.

Also, "if ure hellbent on revenge why are u making stops at wallmart 2 get a box of hair bleach." lmaooo - she just wanted to be her own person, you know, visually, but only with her hair and nothing else :)

4) Sylvie so very clearly doesn't even like Loki all that much, certainly not as much as he likes her (she is a girlboss after all, "she's got shit to do!"). It would be funny if it wasn't tragic. I do feel bad for Larry from accounting :(

5) I'm guessing we don't know her nexus event because they kinda never bothered to define what it was and they don't care. Maybe Renslayer saying she doesn't remember her nexus event was supposed to be this moment of like cold truth, or an attempt to hurt Sylvie because she knows but won't tell her, or, you know... actually, who cares.

6) I think Mike has spoken to women and I think he's had plenty of intelligent and critical conversations at his level. Which is a relative zero to a generous one. Perhaps two on a good day.

Idk though, jokes aside, his writing on this series is childish and lazy, his view of Loki is boring and reductive, his original script he used for this show is absolute shit, and that's all I can really say for sure.

7) I wish. The show really is boring when it isn't actively infuriating. It still boggles my mind how this mess even happened. Like, I knew the show would be bad, but this bad? Man oh man.

[darkerthanblack-666]

(re: the GNC&Trans post) That's the point! GNC and trans people aren't the same thing.

The problem is that people, yes, mostly cishet as I could see myself, either perceive GNC people as ultimately trans when they would've been cis, and therefore apply their transphobic views on them (something something them loving to accuse trans folk of perpetuating the stereotypes but guess who's doing it way more?), or see trans people as just non-conforming cis and therefore deny them their identity. Don't get me started about certain reactions to GNC trans folk, i.e. feminine trans men or masculine trans women. In all cases, this is bullshit. Also, there are non-binary people. Or questioning. Or with complicated relationships. Or people with constantly changing gender like me. So yeah, the point is those things are all different, and all those things are legitimate ways to identify yourself, and nothing of this should be the case of heated discourse.

(can tell from personal experience as enby who passes both as a boy and as gnc/androgyne-looking woman, if my existence breaches containtment and certain people will get aware of my identity, chances are I'll get a) transphobic shit if I'm being perceived as trans man who I'm not, b) homophobic shit if I'm being perceived as a woman expressing affection to women, c) for being an enby, d) 'if you're an enby why are you having boobs' etc etc.)

(I hope I've been articulate enough)

I'm cis (but not het 😆 maybe that makes a difference) and I don't think it's a complicated concept?

Gender identity and expressing that gender are two separate things. A cis man wearing a dress (or even more commonly, looking androgynous, for example those goth guys) is still a cis man. If someone identifies as a different gender, then they're a different gender. People should just listen to what someone tells them.

When I was growing up, musicians who are men wore dresses very often and no one called them trans. They would be trans if they identified as a different gender than the one assigned at birth. If they say they're men, then they're men. If they say they aren't men, then they aren't men.

I personally don't understand transphobia anymore, because it's not my business what's someone's gender. I do get uncomfortable with neo-pronouns (especially in my own language), so I prefer to stick to he/she (and them in English, it's easier to use it in this language), but other than that I don't have an issue 🤷‍.

In fact, I'm attracted to gnc expression in others (just notice how often I want Joel to wear a dress lmao), I don't like traditional gender roles too much, because I see them as oppressive and demanding from others to look in a certain way. Even if I'm gender comforming myself look-wise, I don't think I have a traditional feminine personality (notice how gender roles are just a construct of the society, without those traditional roles there would be no issue with someone being gnc, maybe the idea would not even exist), because I grew up with two older brothers. So I can act a bit too much like a boy sometimes 😆

[misterbitches]

hi! this is long as shit i’m sorry. i hope it makes sense. i ahve adhd and like 5 million learning disorders so this is just word vomit cos there’s so many words in my brain. my b.

i’ve had such a tough day so thank you for replying and sharing! @yeedak​ 

i was thinking about what i wrote and i meant to clarify that as well. some cases are fine for both parties and it’s not like you weren’t consenting and it seems like you were happy! same with my friend who was dating a 20 yr old. if they’re happy you know i’ll clown on ‘em but yea. so for anyone that sees these posts your relationship with your partner who is older or whatever. i’m some dumb girl on the internet okay. ill side eye older ppl tho

i think a lot of people feel the same way you do now (me included.) it feels really good at the time but alter we can see the dynamics playing out. i’m 29 now and i think aging is just such a huge process. it’s wild how you at 31 are a totally different person, right?

and the US racism is probably some of the worst ever in its iteration because of slavery which started from europe etc but USA is so fucking unique bc of columbus bringing slaves here and displacing indigenous peoples or hispanola and because america is so influential the way it views race, particularly with black people as objects, has so deeply permeated into the current historical psyche globally. it’s fascinating to track how necessary anti blackness is to the flourishing of america but also the world at this point. also want to point out how fuckign scary sinophobia is here especially for covid. one is a straight historical line (black ppl + the US) and the other had to be manufactured and to continue to exploit the non-white americans and keep antiblackness in tact.i could go on about this all day. the pain of this place is immense.yet as bad as it is here, this is still the only place i truly feel safe as a black person. because of the unique experience we have in america and through the diaspora especially because we are veyr much ocncentrated here. it would be nice to like move to norway and have some alleviation financially or get free healthcare it’s just not feasible if no one looks like me. it’s fucking tough. 

i hope you don’t hate it here though and people treat you with respect. but as you know being a woman and jewish and an immigrant....shit is tough. the USA is a hellhole. :( america is so deeply tainted and desperately bad because it was founded on strife and blood and there’s no way to reverse that and what this country did in turn when it gained enough power and could capitalize off of the colonial forefathers. this is why we hsould all luv revolution!!!

HOWMEVERRRR 

boy oh boy oh BOY OH BOYYYYYYYY. well wlecome to the world of BL lmao especially as an adult with some obviously deep perspective just given your background. it is a fucking mess and it’s a hard mess to like but it pulls you in. i approach it like i do with soap operas since these are essentially telenovelas, you know? just like the drama at a billion. but the tricky part of that is like....what parts of it do we understand for critiquing? because so many of the shows are so bad at being like good pieces of things to look at just production wise and story wise. but i feel like these shows ask us to take them seriously, so why shouldn’t we take the content seriously? and this is being primarily peddled to young girls. 

i bring this up often but i read this thing about yaoi and the interest younger women/girls have in BL and its fascination with pederasty essentially. this component i think is key when we talk about who gets affected by these things the most. society in general is bad 4 girls bla bla we know lmao but in “more sexually conservative” societies it may be harder for these girls to feel safe even expressing normal emotions romantically and sexually and particularly with guys. some people hypothesized, and i think i agree with this hypothesis, that they can live through the casualness of BL. they don’t feel threatened because they can put themselves into the shoes of the other character. oftentimes, the more feminine or the younger. this was in conjunction with the age gap aspect (they say pederasty as well because there’s unethical age gaps that r gross and that is indeed what we would at least call a touch of sexual abuse if people dont feel like calling it an obsession with youth and power and uhhh young ppl and perhaps kids) where maybe girls could see themselves in these situations as the person being saved, loved, taken care of, and sadly also sexually active and penetrated. 

i think that’s just one aspect of it but i do think there’s validity in who gravitates towards it. i cannot imagine seeing this stuff and not getting enough information as a young kid, i sure as fuck know i didn’t!, and seeing these things and you look at it with 0 critique because you’re young and you may have no interest in it or you simply cannot understand what is wrong. no one is teaching you these things and these shows confirm it. and it is wild how intrinsic patriarchy is to BL although in its existence it also can’t be in line with patriarchy given the nature of two [cis] men!

it begs the question about the replacement aspect. is it just so girls can put themselves in these characters shoes? if so then that means we believe that gender is so interchangeable within our relationships and interactions and that doesn’t seem right. there’s more to lgbtq+ than just existing; it’s finding ways to communicate, finding a family, safety, your people, being a free person. there’s a lot to gain and a lot a lot to lose. and a gay man is also not a woman because those are also two distinct experiences.  especially in societies that have a more hidden aspect to sexuality (idk how to word this bc the BL industry would NEVER survive in america but in a way there’s a more “progressive” look at homosexuality but it’s still fucked up because we live in a Society, you know? at the same time look at what we are doing to trans kids. literally waging war so it’s bonkers how we all collectively have some real progress happening but at the same time not at all. the concept of ‘ladyboys’ and the frequency we see trans people in thai shows is wild and something that we absolutely do not see here in the US. still, none of these groups feel safe or are getting better material conditions in either place. we just show the ways we can try and tolerate oppression witout eliminating it imo)

to me it is clear: it’s money. which most things exist to make money so. but also who is the audience for these shows? and they have to market towards them. all that said all hope is not lost there are some decent shows. it’s just like regular media on TV though where it’s so fucking saturated as an industry that it’s literally sifting through garbage. and there are some days when you can handle the trash and others where it really fucking hurts to watch the violence, the rape, the manipulation, the violations, the stupid messaging. i have never seen more people trying to do mental gymnastics and seeing if things were “technically rape” than in teh BL fandom and that is so fucking sad.

i came into these shows at 28 with almost 0 clue of what as media BL was like esp as media that countries can use as soft power with the revenue. but i realize like...i’m 29 now and so many people don’t have a sizeable, though not huge, amount of life experience. and i wonder for people on the internet who are usually searching for something if they spend so much time on it like what a 15 year old girl thinks. what a 20 year old girl thinks. 

it is incredibly problematic and so awful but there’s also some rewards. if you haven’t i would definitely watch i told sunsset about you which i don’t think i’m going to finish and i doubt i’ll watch the second installment (watch this be a lie) but when i say some fucking impeccable storytelling and art? phew. now that is a fucking piece of media that works. it takes from moonlight heavily and you can see like...the artistic dedication is there and the story makes its world and sets up its stakes extremely well. 

i think because this is marketed towards much younger people too they know they dont have to try as hard. but they SHOULD because then you can have a fucking masterpiece like that. i think even this prolific gay thai filmmaker (who is like solidly against the government) who is so respected (and who i like a lot! if u wanna know i can tell u lmao but the films are very uhhhhhhhh “artsy”) would like i told sunset about you. i wish more people had budget like that and also just cared about the stories. it’s the fucking magic of art to figure out what you can do but there is very little incentive honestly. idk i am very pessimistic. there are days when it’s really a great pick me up and distraction but it is never a place i would love for to feel seen or heard but i’m more of the mind of i never trust the mainstream until they prove me wrong ;) 

or i never trust the mainstream and i still buy into it anyway and then cry when i don’t like what i see adn i yell “BOO GET OFF THE STAGE!” when an old man won’t leave a teenager alone

[chocolatte-and-despair]

so, dream smp matchup thing?

I'm a cis female, and am questioning if I'm bisexual (men and women are hot but idk, bro).

I have pale skin (my face and outside of my arms are just a tiny bit darker, but not noticeably darker), hair that goes a bit below my shoulders, my hair is also a mix of blonde and ginger, I have freckles all over my face and just kinda scattered around the rest of my body, blue eyes that are mistaken for green a lot, I believe I'm right around 5 ft, and I mainly dress in black and gray/grey.

I'm a bottom (lmao), but not exactly fully submissive, I'm more of a stubborn submissive, y'know? I tend to overthink a lot, so I constantly think I'm not loved by my partner or something and need to be reassured that they do love me. I can be really slow in the head sometimes, but I alsoo can be pretty smart. Some days I feel horrible and like nobody loves me. I am very clingy when I like someone, but I don't like to show it very often. I find it interesting when my partner is clingy too, and its also nice when they don't get jealous easily (my current partner doesn't get too jealous, but this blog makes them a bit jealous 'cause of how much I talk about it)

I hope I did this right??

Have a great day/night or whatever! lmao

After thinking for a little bit, I decided to give you ... Skeppy! I chose Skeppy because you need to be reminded of being loved, and Skeppy never shies away from that!

A . How would they show their love and affection? How intense would it get? - Skeppy would be pretty intense. He loves giving you physical affection and reminding you how much he loves you, without even you needing to tell him to remind you.

B. What type of future are they planning with their lover? - Skeppy honestly would love for you to move in with him and Bad, so he could have both of his favorite people near him.

C. What is the scariest moment with them? - Skeppy is pretty violent when he doesn't get what he wants. Honestly.. He can not handle you trying to not spend time with him.

D. How do they usually act with their lover? - Skeppy is very close to you and is very loving to you. He is also a huge tease and enjoys having you around as much as possible.

E. How would they court their lover before? - Skeppy would probably befriend you and get Bad and a few other people to tell you about how great he is, so you would start getting interested in him.

F. What's their favorite memory/thing in the relationship? - Skeppy remembers how happy you looked around him whenever he would get you a gift, and that always makes him happy too.

[armillary-spheres-lover]

Hey

Idk if you ever got the answer to your thing. But I’m a person who is queer but regularly uses the term lesbian to make things simpler. I can tell you why I hate the phrase monosexual- it feels transphobic to me- I am not attracted to men at all, but I am attracted to women, non-binary folks, gender queer folks, and agender folks. If I was with a partner and they transitioned to be a man I would still love them. That wouldn’t change. Sexuality is fluid and calling someone monosexual seems to erase that and really put people in boxes. Everyone has exceptions. And as someone who has identified as bisexual and pansexual in the past and find those not to suit me and fit right (especially since I am not sexually/romantically attracted to people physically/based on appearances- it’s more about personality and what I could do with a person)

I don’t mean this in an antagonistic way, I really hope it doesn’t come off that way(I’m bad expressing myself sorry).

(I’m sorry, I know you’re not trying to be rude. My answer, however, will sound rude and upset because you touched upon some stuff that needs a lot of unpacking to me lmao. Just know this anger is not necessarily directed at you but at biphobia in general.)

Why do bisexual people may need to use the term monosexual?

A. It is descriptive

I see what you mean but as you said you're queer and lesbian is a term to make things simpler, right?

So I wouldnt call you monosexual because you’re clearly not attracted to only one gender (but if you want to who I am to stop you?). Monosexual is someone who is almost exclusively dating/is attracted to people of one gender. There are plenty trans people that are straight or gay that would NOT date a partner if they realized they were a different gender. For real: kat blaque made a video (here it is if youre interested) on youtube about this - she’s trans and she wants to date men and wouldnt feel comfortable on continuing dating if a partner of hers realized they were actually a trans woman all along. She wants to date guys not girls and that's FINE it just means A. She actually recognizes the girl gender, obviously B. She's straight af and that's wonderful! It’s not a box if that’s how her experience is and she likes it that way!

Also how is being monosexual transphobic? Cant a girl just like guys exclusively (both cis and trans) or like girls exclusively (both cis and trans)? It's not even enbyphobic since you dont need to be attracted to a person to support their rights. (Gay men arent attracted to women but can be 100% feminists.) Being open to fuck somebody is not the same as supporting their rights: fetishization is a thing. Again, I refer to the video Kat Blaque made.

Sexuality IS fluid but to some people (like me and you) it is more than others. Some people don’t feel comfortable dating people that dont fall into the gender theyre usually attracted to and thats 100% okay.

B. It helps in talking about biphobia and panphobia in society

Biphobia and panphobia are for the large part based on the assumption that you cant be attracted to more than one gender (not even non-binary and so on) and that if you do you're weird/disgusting/mentally ill/a sexual predator. I can tell you 100% that's the narrative both straight and gay people can and may perpetuate since I struggle w this kind of shit every single time Im attracted to someone no matter their gender (YES, EVEN IF THEY'RE A GUY, BECAUSE THE OTHER DAY I WAS ATTRACTED TO A GIRL AND NOW I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING ANIMAL THAT CANT CONTROL ITSELF, even though it makes NO sense because if it was two girls or two boys the actual number of people my hormones activated to wouldnt change, but it would make my experience not subjected to biphobia!). I’m not saying gay people are the same as straight people. But I do feel alienated BOTH from heteronormative society AND from (subtly biphobic) gay spaces because of my bisexuality. I costantly feel like I’m outside both of those worlds and you know how humans are: I just need a term to encompass it all easily, to say “I don’t identify with any of this” (which is both straight and strictly gay spaces: ie, monosexual). To me is literally the same as saying non-bisexual/non-pansexual.

I dont mean to say lesbians or gays have it easier or are just like straight people. But we do have different experiences and I need terms to express that. It honestly doesnt matter to me if you identify as lesbian or queer (though I think you’re implying you’re more queer than anything). But I do need a term to talk about how society at large treats sexuality; ie, as a monosexual thing. Another concept that’s been thrown around is bi erasure. A strictly monosexual society is bound to view a girl dating a girl (or girl presenting) as if theyre both LESBIANS and erase a queer person the moment they’re in a m/f relationship, because people cant COMPUTE that it may not be the case and that the girl dating a cis straight dude isnt betraying her queerness.To think so is basic biphobia.

In some ways, I think it’s the same as when transgender people started using the term cisgender - which is applicable to both straight people and queer/gay people. They simply needed a term which meant “not-trans” as they were saying “I dont identify with this” (ie the cisgender experience). Does it imply that cisgender people, no matter if queer, have something in common? Yeah, yeah it does. Does it imply that queer people are just the same as straight people, or face no oppression? Of course not. Seeing people being offended upon being called monosexual feels like people being offended upon being called cis to me.

Also, saying that the terms bisexual people use are transphobic is almost implying that bisexuality is inherently transphobic? Or reeks to me of that kind of rhetoric. I use the terms I need to use, just like any other marginilized group does, and nobody outside of that group has any right of denying me that. It’s like I’m trying to create a safe space for myself and people like me and yall come around to judge us YET AGAIN. And I'm just tired of hearing this bullshit. I could accept this kind of criticism only if it came from a trans person themselves, I guess? But it’s not usually trans people who accuse us of being transphobic, in fact, many trans people identify as bisexual and use bisexual terminology lmfao.

“Hearts not parts” rhetoric

Finally, about personality being superior to physical appearance. That's amazing but I do want to note that, not you necessarily, but many people who are into the “hearts not parts” rhetoric are, how can I say this. Slut-shaming people? I’m not sure if you are doing this but I feel it needs to be said just to be sure. A lesbian trans woman can be just attracted to a girl for her physical appearance and just want to fuck her - and THAT'S OKAY. That's fine. I am a sexually attracted to people and that doesnt mean I have to form a deep bond first. Sex positivity is about accepting that people can feel like this and not shame them for this. "Hearts not parts” rhetoric has in the past infantilized, sanitized or outright shamed other queer experiences. It's fine if you feel that way but dont start acting like you're morally superior because of that. That's catholicism with extra steps. My bisexuality its not the symptom of some predatory and animalistic thing that should be purified into something more palatable and less sexual. That’s the same thing they used to say about gay people and now gay (biphobic) people are using this against us. That’s also the kind of thing trans women (especially if they’re sapphic) constantly hear every fucking day. Queer people have a good part of their discrimination rooted in the shaming of purely sexual desires. Forcing ourselves to be more palatable and less sexual is just respectability politics. I’m tired of it. (This is obviously different from being on the asexual spectrum: but you dont see ace people going around pretending they’re morally superior than everybody else, and many are actually very sex positive)   You would still love your partner if they were a different gender: that’s great, but that’s not how some (most) people feel, and they aren’t superficial because of this, just different from you.

Also, I think you’d really benefit from hearing a trans person say they don’t care if someone has genitalia preferences. Here it is. This obviously doesnt mean that every trans person will feel like she does, but it does mean that we can’t generalize trans experiences/preferences/what they feel transphobia is. Just like straight people dont get to say what’s homophobic or not, cis people dont get to say what’s transphobic or not. The definition of those terms relies entirely on the community that is targeted by these things.

I hope this wasnt excessively confusing but I wanted to make my point clear.

[potentially-lemongrass]

hey! um i wanted to ask a bi queerstake member whose dated about this, um I want to marry in the temple and I know that means I'll have to marry a AMAB person, is it bad that I want a nb/nb aligned masc person or at least a bisexual or asexual partner? i feel like i wont find someone like that, I just want someone who understands and is also queer but also fits kind of with the church narrative. is that weird? you dont have to answer this I just wanted to ask since no one talks about it i guess

honestly my perspective on dating has changed a lot since meeting B so I might say something completely different to what I was saying in previous months. (and of course, as always, this is just Ryn’s Opinion TM so take what you will). Also, looong post incoming as this is also a bit of a life update/journal entry since it’s been a while. I’m using B to respect his privacy and as always, I know that i’m super personal on here but please don’t try to doxx me or find out more than I’m willing to share <3 I’m slightly paranoid so I feel like I always need to say that. 

ANYWAY, I am still decidedly bisexual ✌ and so I’ll fight against bi erasure all day long since I’m a cis woman dating a cishet man. I will never be a straight woman and B totally understands and respects that. However, it also doesn’t exactly matter?? since I’ve chosen him so I’m not dating any men OR women.

Before meeting him, I was thinking about dating in the abstract especially since I really never had a serious relationship with anyone. I was fantasizing about dating girls and feeling deeply cheated that the Church was robbing me of that opportunity. I was angry, deeply depressed, and just generally not in a good mental place.

Coming to college was when I decided I wasn’t mentally going to “do” Church anymore. I skipped a few Sundays, and still signed up for Institute but I was angry and very determined to distance myself from the Church. I had to know if I even wanted to do this with my life and part of my master plan was getting a girlfriend. (although with the caveat that dating a girl, *just* to date a girl and not a guy, isn’t the best plan and I should have been more focused on romance)

I didn’t expect to meet B and when I did, I was deeply worried about getting a man who was “Peter Priesthood” and I would never be able to share my queer identity with him. B isn’t at all like that. He spent enough time around the queer kids in high school to really get a feel for the struggle and he’s never ever made me feel weird about it. He’s even encouraged and asked me to talk about it so I didn’t feel like I had to hide anything.

I came to two conclusions (well, maybe two and a half). 1) I’m definitely bisexual. Over the summer, I had briefly wondered if I was a lesbian and comp het was just taking its toll. Nope. Men are hot and my bf is absolutely a snack. So if anyone is looking for advice about figuring out sexuality, just try dating someone. I totally believe that you can know your sexuality without experience but it most definitely helps if you know what you’re talking about.

2) I missed church. I hadn’t realized it until I walked away but I truly do have a testimony and I longed for the presence of the Spirit in my life. So I chose to turn back. I read my scriptures and prayed sincerely and listened at church. No, I’m not entirely happy with the Church. There are things that make me cry and cringe and grit my teeth, but I have decided that I want to be here.

Part of that realization was B. My friend asked me if I could see myself getting married in the temple and I realized suddenly that I could. Suddenly it wasn’t a faceless man dragging me into a suburban life of mommy minivans and LDS conformity. It was the thought of B and I, holding hands and promising each other forever in the most eternal sense and it was me, making covenants with Heavenly Father. He and I both know that I’ve always had real joy in my life when I was doing my best to keep His commandments.

What I really needed was to accept my queer identity and feel like I could date girls if I wanted to. Finding B and finding my testimony were linked, as wild it is to say.

Not to say that that road would be easy. I’m not even close to being ready for marriage. B and I are figuring things out, both between us and with the Church. If faith was neat and simple, it wouldn’t be such an enduring theme throughout all of history.

 But maybe sometime in the next 5 years? Maybe in 2-3 years? I might be Mrs. Lemongrass. (pffft yes we’ll assume we’re taking my tumblr url as a last name lmao)

SO now you’re wondering about how that applies to your actual question. There will definitely be people in the Church who match what you’re looking for. My philosophy is that there really is someone out there for everyone. You’re trying to forecast for the future which is great and necessary but love doesn’t happen in the abstract. A Relationship TM isn’t some nebulous concept or a copy and paste letter. It’s what happens when you and a specific other person like each other a whole lot and it goes from there. Your relationship won’t look like mine or your parents or anyone else’s because you and your future partner are unique people.

So you totally may find someone in the Church who is queer and down for a temple marriage. Keep in mind as well that you may also find someone in the Church who is cishet and that works too. Just because someone isn’t queer doesn’t mean they can’t understand--assuming no one will ever understand you has always felt arrogant and dismissive of the power of empathy imho--so a cishet guy could be just as amazing.

So there’s no need to feel bad about wanting a specific type of person but don’t close yourself off! Enjoy the journey and put yourself out there with confidence. No one is good at relationships; they’re inherently awkward. You’ll say dumb stuff or fart in front of them or they’ll overshare and you’ll panic. Just trust the process, laugh at yourself, and realize the only thing you can really do is live in *this* moment. I hope this doesn’t sound condescending at all! This is just all my big sister advice that I can think of. Remember that you are loved, always, always, always by our Heavenly Parents and They’ll help you figure stuff out.

[himboskywalker]

omg thank you so much. like i know this is a little dumb bc it’s a fanfic preference thing but seeing you say anakin won’t be feminized means so much to me. i’m a trans man and i don’t have any problem with a/b/o fics or any of that but yeah the assertion that a man giving birth would make him “mom” or any less of a man, or that they have to be “mom and dad” to their kid has always sat so wrong with me. so just like, thank you for saying you won’t do that

It is not dumb to want to be able to see yourself or identify with the characters you read about!Fanfiction is supposed to be the most inclusive and diverse of spaces for fiction and I know that a good chunk of fanfiction writers are cis women and so a lot of the themes that emerge in fics,and especially a/b/o tend to focus on feminism and femininity. I think it’s very understandable that you find a lot of a/b/o that has clearly been written by a young woman who is utilizing the genre as a safe and removed way to think about or dissect pregnancy or sex or gender roles,that is removed from themselves. And I think even further removing it to a male character makes an author/reader feel it is even safer and more apart from themselves in a way they can explore. And I get that! I think fanfiction is a wonderful way for people to explore gender and gender roles and feminism and parenthood and all these things.

But feminism is not a separate entity of trans identity,rather it is a very big part of it. And I think if we’re purposefully utilizing fics to talk about these societal issues then we should be more mindful of identity in them. And this is not an attack against authors who write on these things or who focus on feminists issues and choose to explore issues through that lens. The saying is always that we write fanfiction for ourselves and so if in your a/b/o fic you want to focus on pregnancy or the gender roles of parents or what it means to be a mother for yourself then do it! But I also won’t step down from what I said,and that is that trans men can be pregnant and have children and I’ll fist fight someone over that. Giving birth does not make you a woman or a mother,full stop. I hope to see a widening diversity of these topics in fanfiction and I have run across a/b/o stuff that focuses on fatherhood but I’m greedy,and you know what you should be too,and I think it’s totally understandable to want more of it. I think part of the answer is to,when you see a gap in the content then create it yourself. I’m not saying you should feel obligated to by any means,but at least for myself,sure,I’m writing fanfiction for myself,except for not really lmao I’m writing it for you guys and I do try and be mindful of that. I’m a cis woman who doesn’t know what it’s like to be trans,but I can try my best to be mindful of my readership and not abuse that,and I want to write about things beyond what I identify with or have life experience of,I want to write for you guys too.

[dillydedalus]

april reading

oh yeah this is a thing. anyway in april i read about uhhh.... first contact (twice), murderers on skis & victorian church politics

the yield, tara june winch a novel about indigenous australian identity and history (now and throughout the 20th century) in three narrative strands. imo the narrative strand that consists of a grandfather writing a dictionary of his language (wiradjuri) in order to prove a claim to some land is by far the strongest, but overall i liked this quite a lot. 3/5

land of big numbers, te-ping chen a solid short story collection focused on modern china and young(ish) chinese people, both in china and the diaspora. i particularly liked the stories that had some slighty surreal or speculative elements, such as one about fruit that strongly evoke emotions when eaten and a group of people stuck in a train station for months as the train is delayed, which imo use their speculative aspects in effective (if not super subtle) ways to talk about society. 3/5

the pear field, nana ekvtimishvili (tr. from georgian by elizabeth heighway) international booker prize longlist! a short, fairly depressing read about a 18-year-old girl at a post-soviet school for developmentally disabled childred (but also orphans, abandoned children & other random kids) who is trying to get a younger boy adopted by an american couple. there seem to be a lot of novels set at post-soviet orphanages etc & imo this is a well-executed example of the microgenre, with the pear field full of pears that are never picked bc they don’t taste right as a strong central image. 3/5

the warden, anthony trollope (chronicles of barsetshire #1) ah yes, a 6-part victorian series about church politics in an english town, exactly the kind of thing i’m interested in. not sure why i committed to at least the first two entries of the series but here we are. despite this lack of interest (and disagreement with most of the politics on display here) i found this quite charming; trollope has a gift for an amusing turn of phrase & making fun of his characters in benevolent ways. 3/5

the lesson, cadwell turnbull first contact scifi novel set on the virgin islands, where an alien ship arrives one day. the aliens seem benevolent & share helpful technology, but also react with extreme violence to any aggression. they claim to be on earth to study.... something, but it’s never entirely clear what. the book makes some interesting choices (like immediately skipping over the actual first contact to a few years in the future, when the aliens are already established on the islands) but i thought much of it was kinda disjointed and confusing. 2/5

the heart is a lonely hunter, carson mccullers look, i get it, it’s all about the isolation & alienation (& dare i say loneliness) of 4 miserable characters projecting their issues on the central character singer, who is kind and patient and also deaf and mute, thus making him the perfect receptacle for their issues without really having to connect with him as a person and how that isolation hinders them socially, artistically, emotionally, politically, but like... i didn’t really like it. i didn’t hate it but i just felt very meh about it all. 2.5/5

acht tage im mai: die letzte woche des dritten reiches, volker ulrich fascinating history book about the last week(ish) of the third reich, starting with the day of hitler’s suicide and ending with the total surrender (but with plenty of flashbacks and forwards), and looking at military&political leadership (german and allied) as well as prisoners of war, forced laborers, concentration camp prisoners, and everyone else. very interesting look at what kästner described as the “gap between the not-anymore and the not-yet.” 3.5/5

firekeeper’s daughter, angeline boulley) i’ve been mostly off the YA train for the last few years, but this was a really good example of contemporary YA with a focus on ~social issues. ANYWAY. this is YA crime novel about daunis, a mixed-race unenrolled ojibwe girl close to finishing high school who is struggling with family problems, university plans, and feeling caught between her white and her native familiy when her best friend is shot in front of her and she decides to become a CI for an fbi investigation into meth production in the community. i really appreciated how hard this went both with the broader social issues (racism, addiction) and daunis’ personal struggles. there are a few bits that felt a bit didactic & on the nose (and the romance... oh well), but overall the themes of community, family, and the value of living indigenous culture are really well done & i teared up several times. 4/5

the magic toyshop, angela carter i love carter’s short stories but struggle with (while still liking) her novels so far. this one, a tale of melanie, suddenly orphaned after trying on her mother’s wedding dress in the garden, coming of age and awakening to womanhood or whatever. carter’s really into that. it’s well-written, sensual as carter always is, and the family melanie and her siblings are sent to, her tyrannical puppet-maker uncle, his mute wife and the wife’s two brothers, both fascinating and offputting (& dirty) make for an interesting cast of characters, but overall i just wish i was reading the bloody chamber again. 3/5

barchester towers, anthony trollope (chronicles of barsetshire #2) (audio) lol tbh i still don’t know why i am committing to this series about, again, church politics in 19th century rural england, but it’s just so chill & warm & funny (we love gently or not so gently - but always politely - mocking our characters) that i’m enjoying it as a nice little trip where people do some #crazyschemes to gain church positions or fight over whether there should be songs in church or whatever it is people in the 19th century fought about. it’s very relaxing. there also is a lot of love quadrangleyness going on and that’s also fun. trollope has weird ideas about women but like whatever, i for one wish mrs proudie much joy of her position as defacto bishop of barchester, she really girlbossed her way to the top. 3.5/5

semiosis, sue burke (semiosis #1) i love spinning the wheel on the “first contact with X weird alien species” & i guess this time we landed on plants! plant intelligence is interesting and the idea of plant warfare is really cool. i do like the structure, with different generations of human settlers on the planet pax providing a long-term view but this allows the author to skip over a lot of the development of the relationship between the settlers and the plant and locating the plot elsewhere, which i think is ultimately a mistake. i might continue w/ the series tho, depending on library availability. 2.5/5

one by one, ruth ware a bunch of start-up people go on a corporate retreat to a ski chalet in the alps, avalanche warning goes up, one of them disappears, presumably on a black piste, the rest get snowed in & completely cut off when the avalanche hits and then they get picked off *title drop* (altho really not that many of them). nice fluff when i had a miserable cold (not covid) but fails when it tries to go for deeper themes... like an attempt to address classism and entitlement sure... was made. also like what kind of luxury skiing chalet does not have emergency communication devices in case internet/phone lines are down...  i’d have sued just for that. 2/5

fake accounts, lauren oyler the microgenre of ‘alienated intellectual(ish) probably anglophone person has some sort of crisis, goes to berlin about it’ is my ultimate literary weakness - i almost never really like them, they mostly irritate me & yet i can never resist their siren call. this one is p strong on the irritation, altho at least the narrator does not ascribe much meaning to her decision to go to berlin after she a) discovers her boyf is an online conspiracy theorist (probably not sincerely) and b) gets a call that said boyf has died, it’s really just something to do to avoid doing anything else. but other than that it’s so BerlinExpat by the numbers, like she lives in kreuzkölln! put her somewhere else at least! there is one scene that elevates the BerlinExpat-ness of it all (narrator asks expatfriend for advice on visa applications, expatfriend assures her that it’s really easy for americans to get visa, adds “especially now” while literally, as the narrator remarks, gesturing at the falafel she’s eating) other than that, the novel is.... fine. it’s smart, but not really as smart as it thinks it is, which is a problem bc it thinks it’s just sooo incisive. whatever. 2/5

the tenant of wildfell hall, anne bronte this is reductive but: jane eyre: i could fix him // wuthering heights: i could make him worse // wildfell hall: lmao i’m gonna leave his ass anyway i enjoyed the part that is actually narrated by the titular tenant of wildfell hall, helen (which thankfully, i think, is most of it) because the perspective of a woman who runs away from her abusive alcoholic of a husband is genuinely interesting and engaging, while gilbert, the frame story narrator who falls in love with helen, is.... the worst. i mean he’s not the worst bc the abusive husband arthur is there and hard to beat in terms of worseness, but he’s pretty fucking bad. imagine if helen had found out that gilbert attacked her secret brother over a misunderstanding, severely injured him & LEFT HIM TO DIE & then (when dude survived & the misunderstanding got cleared up) apologised like well i guess i didn’t treat you quite right! she’d have to run away from her second husband as well! poor girl. 3/5