#but like??? im not hungry!!!! i dont wanna go on the fucking break!!!

[derrypubliclibrary]

.

[harufluff]

'not like you don't want one!!' nishimura riki

warnings - minor cursing, falling lol

genre - fluff, nishimura riki x fem!reader, established relationship au

wc - 0.7k

'oh my gosh-' 'what...' you had stopped in your tracks as a park ice skating rink came into view. you had walked from your hotel down to a little burger place that an employee where you were staying recommended.

you had known the weather was going to be chilly, so you dressed in simple grey sweatpants, a long sleeved t-shirt with one of your boyfriends sweaters to stay warm. riki wore a typical riki outfit, consisting of mostly black and oversized clothing.

but while walking to the restaurant, the bright string lights illuminating the rink had taken your attention away from the food. you pointed your hand towards the group of people skating around in a circle.

riki chuckled at your cute gesture. 'do you wanna go ice skating after we eat?' he asks, looking down at you. 'can we go now...?' 'no?? im so fucking hungry right now, are you crazy?'

you tried fighting him, but hungry riki was not an easy opponent. the two of you ended up eating at the restaurant and then you dragging him out of the door to make your way to the ice skating rink.

'c'mon!! lets go skate, ki!' he just giggled and let you take his hand to lead him to the check in stand. you payed for the tickets and a locker where you put your bags and shoes inside, then you made your way to the benches to tie your skates up.

'do you know how to tie ice skates?' you had nodded at first, but you had ended up getting confused with the way the laces went through the hook thingys.

riki helped you lace them up when he was done with his, being the kind hearted boyfriend he is. 'all set. why don't you try standing up-.' you stood up with a slight wobble, but you ended up getting the hang of picking your feet up further in order to not fall of your face.

your ankle leaned slightly and you grabbed onto your boyfriends jacket to stable yourself. 'ah- careful...jeez were not even on the ice yet-' you chuckled quietly and continued to hold on to him as you made your way to the entrance of the rink.

at first it was still wobbly, but as you continued to gain speed, it got slightly easier! riki made sure to keep an eye on you while you stuck your tongue out in deep focus.

as the time went on and continued to grab onto your boyfriend, but he grew fond of it. the two of you stayed on the ice for a few more minutes until the person in front of you kicked up a large piece of ice from the rink, causing you to freak out a bit and trip over your own feet.

'b-babe-!' you once again, grabbed your boyfriends arm and dragged him down with you. he, being the good boyfriend he is, made sure his back was hitting the ground rather than yours.

a quiet scream came out of your mouth as your head hit riki's chest. he gestured you to get up so there was no more traffic jams in the ice rink.

'are you ok?' he asked, gently cupping your cheeks to make sure nothing was broken. you simply giggled at his worriedness and grabbed his hand to lead him on in another circle.

riki always thought you looked best from the back. he always pointed out the members how happy you look while going somewhere with him when he zoned out.

truthfully, you did the same with your friends. you fell the the ice for the nth time and riki made you get off the ice before you would break your leg.

'c'mon lets go back to the hotel...' he said, sitting you down on the small bench while crouching down to untie your skates. 'but its so boring there-' 'i wouldn't call sleep boring, babe.'

'yea maybe for you...you dont get kicked constantly.' you retort back at him. he giggled at your response, which made you smile in reaction. 'at least i dont get woken up at 1 am for a hug.' 'HEY ITS NOT LIKE YOU DONT WANT ONE-' your sentence is cut off by your boyfriends lips against yours. he pulls away, quite to early for your liking.

you feel his warm breath against your mouth. 'you're right...i do want them.' a chuckle escapes your smile. 'c'mon let's go back now, ok?'

'ok, but be prepared to get the biggest hug of your life!'

©harufluff 2023

a/n - happy birthday ki!! ilysm youve made my life so happy, so i really hope you're doing ok. you seem sad lately so im hoping you will feel better soon. i love youuu!! (ik hes not seeing it lol not bug me about it again this year)

[pomefioredove]

🙂‍↕️not really coherent reply sorry

vil is one of the only characters in game that treats yuu with respect, and as an equal.

EXACTLYLY. honestly it never ever sits right with me whenever yuu BREAKS THEIR BACK trying to help others (especially because barely anyone is doing barely anything to help them. LET THIS BITCH GO HOME!!!!) for them to just? barely acknowledge it? casually brush it off? the scene in book 3 where the tweels r like wanna help out? you can switch with these guys and ace is like YES double all of my current suffering and pass it onto them /ref all of the students complaining about losing their signature spells when yuu has NO magic at all to protect themselves with.. let’s be serious please. maybe im being a little dramatic! but thats literally my favorite character you are talking about get their name out of your mouth.

vil is literally the only other character who plays a similar role in the story.

... cause chars like trey and lilia are almost there, but distinctly different in their roles, while vil is THE mother.

THIS!! !! !!! !!!!! lillia is more of the father trope and trey is more of a big brother i’d say. they aren’t nurturing in the same way vil is. maybe it’s the ‘nagging’ slash instructing aspect of how vil interacts with people. i don’t even know how to put it into words but ur right vil is so mom. like. i dont know.. it’s probably his relationship with epel (and even the other first years?) that makes me associate him with being motherly but he’s just so. nurturing. so many moms in the media that i’ve (recently) consumed were teaching their daughters to be quiet and respectful as to not get punished/essentially outcasted socially. of course that’s not really what vil is doing with epel but. ugh. read my mind!!! ull understand then trust. the ONLY other character that sorta makes me feel the same way is jamil. illove him so dearly but i know. little to nothing major about his character aside from his relationship with kalim. yuu and grim. vil and epel. jamil and kalim. they should start a we dont get paid (enough) for this bullshit club

honestly i dont even want to project myself onto yuu i wanna be a helpful roomate or somthinf. wtf 😭 my hungry aggressive ass could NOT be yuu /ref..

rhats all i can put into words rigth now . evene though i got sidetracked a lot.. !! bht th part abojt yuu being motherly ! ialso wanted to reply to. wowww thats a lot of typos sorry my eyesight is a tad blurry 😭

AHHGGGGG ANON

"double all of my current suffering and pass it onto them" LMAOOOO 😭😭😭

I am such a yuu defender idc. LEAVE THEM ALONE!!!! it's why rollo is still such a fave of mine, he's like one of the only sane people. looks at yuu and is like jesus christ are you fucking okay.

and yes literally vil is just. I think the big difference is that he actually kinda likes being in charge? more so than yuu. he's a natural leader while they were literally manipulated and blackmailed into their position (I WILL SAY THAT I do think vil feels pressured to be a leader because of how he was outcasted/made out to seem mean and scary by his peers so he just kinda Filled That Role... but also I definitely do not see him as someone who'd enjoy following rather than leading. his own character VERY MUCH parallels yuu's in so many ways)

jamil is definitely different tho. he was also forced into his position as a caretaker but he doesn't have a parental vibe to him. tbh I couldn't tell u what it is but he's got his own thing going on (and he DOES parallel yuu in a way, I wish he was closer to them because there's potential but he's really Not)

BUT YEAH I get you. I feel like this is a weird thing to say but yuu feels like their own character to me 😭 like I have my own yuusona but yuu themselves is a little guy to me

[mothwiingz]

i’m always hungry bc as soon as my stomach gets to like 60% capacity, i start to lose the ability to swallow food. i constantly feel hunger gnawing at my stomach, i can’t get full bc my body stops letting me eat. first i can’t swallow tough meat or thick doughy bread, then any meat, then fruit, then everything above the consistency of a smoothie. it just gets stuck for several minutes and leaves me making swallowing motions over and over, sipping water in tiny bits so as not to cause myself even more pain, struggling to get the food down my throat. it takes me upwards of an hour to eat dinner. and once i do get close to being full, it feels like my body is struggling to hold the food down. so i have to just deal with being hungry all the time.

this is why ice cream is my favorite dessert. why ive always hated cake. bc i wanna be able to eat my damn dessert without extreme discomfort. cant wait until i move out and i can control what i eat and i can make foods that are easy to swallow and dont leave me clutching my chest and struggling to breathe

and my parents get mad at me for eating slowly :( do they want me to shove more food in my mouth and get a bunch of it stuck in my throat. its like trying to run when youre up to your chest in mud. no matter how much you struggle, youll just hurt yourself, you cant go faster.

its not my fault my body fell asleep during the part in Body School where they teach you how to make collagen correctly and not royally fuck it up. fucking hell, i wish i could eat normally too but here we are.

im sorry i can barely swallow what you make me eat and it makes me eat slowly. im sorry i stop being able to stand up if you make me do yardwork for 20 minutes with no breaks or access to a mobility aid. im sorry for wanting to not be worked until i can barely stay awake, then told im not trying hard enough. im sorry i spend so much time alone and it offends your fragile NT ass. im sorry my disabilities disable me and its inconvenient for you. im sorry my disabilities disable me and its inconvenient for you.

[without-it]

ok i lied i love to update u guys. heres updates and general tips and goals for the next fast ❤️

said id wait till thursday but at my core im a little silly guy who loves to lie and tell untruths!! so heres the fasting tea abt wrapping up that last 90 hour fast and starting this one

first off, the refeeding and weight gain update from the two days of eating "normally" : weight update this morning, from my last weigh in on monday, i gained about 1/3 of a pound (i lost just over 10 pounds so really good return) so really happy with that honestly. refeeding is such a huge and often overlooked aspect to fasting, and if its handled wrong it can often negate all ur hard work.

when i refeed i focus on PLAIN low calorie foods. if you end a fast with curry to be perfectly honest ur gonna shit urself to death and have a fucking miserable time lmao. my go to is a PLAIN UNSEASONED steamed veggie dish (usually steamed broc and corn, broc bc low calorie and corn bc i am a corn GIRLIE), and often with miso soup to go with it. unseasoned foods help with the upset tummy after ending a fast, and get ur body used to actually processing glucose again. and miso soup is just a nice low calorie simple food to add some fun into that meal. pls dear god do not eat sweet foods / high salt / high seasoned in general / or heavy meat or sauced dishes as a fast breaking meal. if youve fasted for more than a 4 days im not joking you can literally end up dying from that so just be responsible shawtie damn. (look up refeeding syndrome im not a doctor so im not gonna give u the lowdown)

things to focus on during the fast to help prevent rapid weight gain: drink ur god damn liquids. i dont care if ur getting water in thru diet soda or tea or fizzy water or even coffee. that is water, that is a pro and do not listen to ppl who say that water "doesnt count". when you restrict liquids during a fast you will obvi lose more weight in the short term, but during refeeding if u start drinking normally again (as i really hope u are lmao) you will gain this water weight rapidly. u turned ur body into a desert for a few days, and best believe the second u have more liquid ur body is gonna hang on to that for dear life. its better for u and less stressful in the long run to just keep up ur liquid intake during fasts trust me.

and then this is my go to routine for every fast:

every day i take these suppliments: high strength collagen, iron, zinc, a womens multivit, and the unsung hero of fasting? FIBER TABLETS. bro i can fast for over a week and still not be constipated bc im on my SIGMA FIBER GRINDSET

and then my daily intake: at least a liter of water every day with the "Endura brand low carb sugar free electrolyte drink" (in lemon lime flavor) (i put 2 scoops aka 2 serves per liter of water) the taste is super mid but honestly drinking that every day on my last fast made things such a breeze. literally like no headaches, no cramps, minimal dizziness, and my sleep was mostly uneffected.

then i also have either a can or two of coke zero. yes i know it has 1.1 calories and diet coke would be technically more appropriate for a fast, but i hate diet coke and u will not catch my ass drinking it

and then a cup or two of green tea with a 0 calorie sweetener. no recommendations on the sugar bc honestly i swap between brands depending on whats avail at my grocery store that week lmao.

all this liquid and high variety keeps me kinda full, and provides fun taste enrichment so i dont literally go monkey insane drinking plain water for a week. cool if u can do that but ur literally a psycho and not to be trusted frankly

so current goal is at least lunch time saturday. i have plans to do lunch w my friend but honestly if im not rly hungry then and i wanna keep the fast going im just gonna cancel that lunch or even push it to dinner to just get a few more hours in!

as usual, expect weight updates every morning. the starting situation is: 87kg exactly ( 191.8 pounds) , 20% of my weight loss goal achieved. see yall tmro for the update!

[ryderdire]

so I promised my friends I posts these back in softmore year

This quote book features @orinmothwings @the-critic-god-of-books @unknown-box-boi @jasontheweirdsibling and @rats-in-a-trenchcoatt well as as alot of my irls Doc is in this book a lot because of circumstances of us having to spend a lot of time together and I assure you they say some wild shit

I present to you my quote book.

Are you okay?-irl 🌟

I’m gay - me

MURDER SHOES - Irl 📡

What if it was a child

I DONT CARE THROW THE CHILD OUT THE WINDOW - irl 🐸

I just don’t want to violence - Jason

I will hospitalize you SHIT WAIT MEAN

HOSPTAITLY U - me

This women looks could kill god but she is god -Box

Dem Chips - Jason

I’m not currently fit for human consumption-me again

doc:I need to tell you something

Ren: Oh gods what did you do

Doc: I DIDNT KILL ANY politicians

Ren :THAT SOUNDs incrediblely suspicious

KILL ALL LEAVES -doc

THEY STOLE IT FROM GOD”

“OH YOUR DRINKING POMEGRANATE JUICE you know what THAT MEANS YOUR GOING TO DIE”- Doc

ACat girls either have fur or hair they can’t have both-Doc

You know what I’m thinking about women <3 ren

I was thinking thinking about rats

-doc

Fuck later look first-doc

Doc: We always throw people out windows why don’t we throw people into windows

Ren:That’s how we break into places

Doc:YES THROWS REN INTO A WINDOW

Doc: BACK IN MY DAY MEN WHERE MEN AND WOMEN WHERE CARS

Ren: your gay

Box: no I’m hungry

I gotta call the murder lady - unkown person I forgot to label this

ME: WHERE ARE LESBAINS

DOC:I ate them

ME: NOOOOO

-He doesn’t have skin All hes got is nails and luck BOX about mr bones (I’m sorry box)

Your missing pretty women-irl 🌟

Who wants to help me kill god?

Entire table raises their hand

(This interaction is a running joke at this point I can’t in good conscious asgin it to one person)

How do you spell whore?????-doc

Box: I’m going to steal your heart in the least romantic way possible

I’m so jealous I wanna be a cryptid- ren

Are people who are attrated to cat boys furries-doc

HOW MUCH CAT IS This BOY— doc

Bitch why do you have this keyboard? - Jason when he stole your phone

Why the fuck is Ren so weird sometimes?- Jason also

If you drink enough, you’re gonna get drunk-

I’m dying, I’m dead, I’m in hell, Satan has given me an award forr the gayest person ever! I couldn’t do this without women- I hate you- Ren (printmaking)

Jason keeps stealing my phone and adding notes lol

Who would say that one ?

A bird -Jason

These rocks are either too pretty or too big. This rock is ugly enough

Ren:because I need to keep my gay best friend

Doc: 0;

Ren: me im the gay best friend

Doc: I’m my own gay best friend

Stop thirsting over god- doc

You don’t canoddle ren your the opposite of a canoddle I like you -the librarian on the loud speaker

WHAT

If they know theve Sinned -ren

Parental pegger -Ren

Jason :Special

Ren: COWARD L

Jason:SPEICAL

JASON: bad word English aSpecial

Jason : you don’t need to understand to see the cringe

I can lengthen my bones -irl 🐸

I don’t get bitches I make them- irl ☁️

My hair is very leggy -irl 🐸

My hair is feet - me making a typo

I’m tired of emotionally draining drama i just want to fight people

Box: bite?

Irl 🐸 and ren at the same Time: FIGHT

Me:omg gay people real

Box: of course their real have you seen yourself in the mirror

Doc: a Victorian women could pull a full ass chicken from their pocket

Doc: I’m not pregent

Irl 🙃: your pregent

Doc:IM NOT

Irl 🙃: what’s it gender what are going to name it???

BONK - headbutt from box

THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP HOE-ren

Box slaps hand on Rens shoulders:FRIENSHIP

Ren screems

Offendedly: Whore - box to dogs with their balls

“Gay” - box

Irl 🌳:he looks Gay

Orin:HIS DAD JUST DIED

Orin: I like men who I could kill and women who could kill me im a switch

Ren: Doc. Tell my story

Doc:I’ll tell it in extradited voiceeeeee

Doc: I’m going to pick you and (no memory of what the rest of this was my bad)

Irl 🎃:NO DONT TOUCH THE LORD (referring to a rubber duck)

Pigs sure as hell can fly it’s called cops in a helicopter-me

Don’t foldle the lord in such a manner - irl 🎃 (still about that rubber duck)

you look like a gnome- doc about my mental breakdown haircut

Me: I was making fun of myself making fun of my self ):<

Rat:

Me: ):<

Rat: your mentally ill.

Doc: I wonder how someone discovered milk

Me:someone was probably horny

Me: congrats you where the last people to find out you where dating.

Orin: you know what I hate?

Ren: women

Orin:tonsil stones what the fuck

Be nice to yourself bitch (finger guns pointed at me) - Rat

Me: (in my villan ) sex….. kinda…mid ngl.

Orin:

Irl 🌕: NO don’t crusfiy the snail. ):<

Me: I don’t sleep I’m built differnt

Doc: Ren you are made of flesh bones and sadness that is 80% of the human population your not different.

Ren: that’s what a bumper sticker is

Doc:but you don’t have a girlfriend or a car

Ren: well actually

Doc: *gasp* you have a car??????

I turn down the temputre of every room I’m in

cuz ur not hot

Because I’m a ghost????? - I don’t remember who said this I promise I’m good at my job.

Orin: Is this a beautiful women or a very gay man?

answer: it’s a bit in between!

Doc:A large truck

Me:Correction two trucks fucking.

[slickchickchocolatier]

MY LOVEEE IM BACKKKK still a bit sick but i have been ITCHINGG to get this reaction to you bcs DT chapter six and seven was….it was something else thats for sure and plus THE DOUBLE CHAPTER?!? brings back the good ol’ mgr days😮‍💨

im going to start with chapter six first shall we…..

“Stop….Heeseung stop….this…this is wrong…we can’t!”

OMG! HAHAHAHA I swearrr hee was like…”hmm did you hear something? I dont hear anything 🤔”

“Oh yes we can….watch me.”

YES YOU CAN AND YES YOU WILL COME ON GIRL TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT

dude after ALLLLL that tension in the last chapters I guess heeseung finallly cut the restraints and just gave in, kurt was the last straw 🫣😏 and im HEREEE FOR ITTTTT WHOO

the fact that the whole chapter/s was purely smut is just *chefs kiss 🤌🏻🤌🏻 like FUCK YEAAAHHH man I absolutely love the way you write smut, all the details and the dialogue UGHHH I can FEEL the HEAT and VIBRATIONS and the TENSION emitting from the SCREEN gahdamn this is a bad week to get fucking horny esp when ur sick omg

and the lines with the red outline? DEAD.

"Breathe baby.....mmm...breathe....yeah....good girl. Breathe for me."

I CANT BREATHE YOU MFER!!!!! WITH WHAT UR DOING TO ME DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BREATHE??!?!???

shit I have no words left I just fucking love the smut oh my lord

"I love you.....you're mine....you're all mine.....nothing is going to take you away from me.......I'm keeping you.....forever.....y/n."

giving dejua vu but you are very much welcome to take me forever YK IM FREE (sorry kurt maybe in another universe)

and owemji the hella obvious breeding kink in this chapter? 😵😵

cant wait for heejeong’s turn….I wonder what he’s like….more feral? less gentle? hmmmmmmm

OKAY CHAPTER SEVEN LETS GOOOO

that smut at the first part….please dont dont dont dont…….dont stop 😏😏😏

PLEASEEE AHAHAHAHAH I was actually giggling when we were relieved that no one’s in the house just for heejeong to show up wearing that goddamn smirk on his face 🤣

"Oh hey, you're awake."

I just KNOWWWW she about to get fucked into oblivion ahh shit

our poor y/n not getting any breaks….

"......I have to go....um....I think it's best if I move out....I just..."

girl I love you so much baby but there is just no point in moving out….heebros will find you sooner or later you cant escape hee in ANY universe…..learn from readen and realena darling

"You tell me......what are you doing?......Walking around looking pretty all the damn time......getting a boyfriend and flaring him in front of us....."

you made 1/2 points it aint our fault that we pretty come on 🙄🙄🙄

"Please.......please dont......I-I'm begging.....i'm begging you...."

"Yeah?.....Beg some more baby......"

LMAOO i swear the heebros have selective hearing….its just how it is 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

"Huh.....Heeseung was a little hungry last night, hmm?"

LITTLE?!?!? YOU CALL THAT LITTLE??!????

"Where do you think Heeseung went to this morning? He's obviously not happy with someone else staking their claim on something that belongs to him.....and me."

UH OHHHHHH OH SHITTTTT 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

"Please......please....I'll do anything...I wont....I wont see him again. I wont do anything. Please.....please just call Heeseung...please.......for me.....will you please do it for me?"

muehehehehehe using that charm on heejeong I see 😌😌

"Hey.....got baby girl in front of me. Did you wanna say 'Hi'?"

"Hiiiii baby giiiiiirll! How's my little minx today? Did you sleep well?"

STAAAHPPPPP I LOVE THIS PHONE CALL SO MUCHHHHH might be one of my fav scenes

"Y-yes.....I do.......I miss you....and......I.....I want you here.....I want you to come home.....come back home...to me....please?"

oh

oh.

OHHHHHOHOHOHO I SEE WHAT UR DOING OKAY MKAYY

"Y-yes....I miss you.....and........I just want you back home.....so please......if you leave......leave Kurt alone I wont....I wont speak to him or ....or see him.....and.....i'll.......be good......I promise i'll be good......please.....for me?" you trembled, hoping that you had him.

YESSS THATS MY GIRL RIGHT THERE PERIODT its all cus I can see that kurt’s a good guy, if he would’ve been more like a samuel then he would’ve gotten a GOOODDD beating but he’s nice and genuine. my girl making the right choices over here mhmmmm

although yeah kurt’s a pretty nice boy….heebros just hit different yk? sorry my guy theres plenty of fish in the sea 😅

"Yeah baby.....thats it....move with me."

GODDAMN I LOVE BOTH OF THE SMUT HOLY FUCKING SHIIIIITTTT WHOOOOOO ITS HOT AS HELL RIGHT NOW AND IT AINT MY FEVER

my gosh the way you write smut is….just….fucking incredible

You felt the touch of his fingers gently grazing against your cheek, moving the pieces of hair that was stuck to your skin. Shifting your eyes over to the side, you noted how both Heejeong's hands were on your chest, and the other was resting on his hip.

So whose hands were touching your face?.......

Looking up, standing and leaning against the back side of the sofa, hovering his chest above you, was Heeseung.

WAIT I ALSO LOVED THIS PART, I was literally like…”who the fuck???” “ohhh heeseung”

"Well baby girl..........time for round 2."

GIRLLL IM SWEATINGGG OMFG MY BAE TRULY DOESNT GET ANY BREAKS

chapter 8 bout to be the hottest one of all

"Bingo.....baby.......sis......"

you in for it now..😏

♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️ ♥️

I seriously love this reaction! Lol but I hope you’re feeling better. Ngl after our long drive in to our trip and when we had dinner last night I started to get some heart burn. It wasn’t pleasant.

[kingsofhellfire]

Drunk Eddie and Robin part 2

Gorgeousgreymatter:

I think I might use the dice rolling thing to get Steve to try and beg Eddie to put pajamas on and go the fuck to sleep and Eddie just keeps trying to seduce him even more in such an endearing way that Steve would like to die

lettersinthesand:

:loveteeth:

kesbird:

YOU’RE A FUCKING GENIUS

Gorgeousgreymatter:

Because drunk Eddie would just pull fistfuls of dice from nowhere and Steve would just be like HOW

Turn him upside down and shake him and dice falls out

kesbird :

“Why do you have those???” “In case we need to play a stripping game duh now take your shirt off”

wynnyfryd:

drunk eddie who forgets they aren’t actually boyfriends yet because wtf? you’re so hot steve why aren’t we boyfriends???

lettersinthesand :

right

Buff Muggin:

I’m sorry but truly I cannot stop thinking about what was said earlier of Eddie just licking Steve’s neck, with the context of they aren’t even together

Gorgeousgreymatter:

that's what makes it hot!!!!

Buff Muggin:

Like that’s so fucking delicious yum yum

lettersinthesand :

Alternatively drunk Eddie who forgets they are boyfriends and freaks out when Steve says he isn't single

lettersinthesand:

RIGHT

kesbird:

Eddie - “aww my boyfriend’s so cute” Stev- “we’re not boyfriends” Eddie already crying “are you breaking up with me???”

wynnyfryd:

mid hand job “wait who are you cheating on????“ lmfaoo

Gorgeousgreymatter:

Why haven't I hit that yet Stevie

lettersinthesand :

JBFHDGSYDGD

kesbird:

THATS WHAT IM SAYING I lost it at that!

lettersinthesand:

Omg him using the word boyfriend and Steve chalking it up to being a joke

Gorgeousgreymatter :

It's going in the fic you all can scream about it later I promise lol

kesbird:

DONT WORRY WE WILL

Nix [Resident Eddie Kinnie]:

It's like that one video where the guy is coming out of surgery and his wife is there and he's like"you better stop putting your hands on my chest I have a wife" and she's like "I am your wife"

wynnyfryd:

the pet names would get sooooo ridiculous, eddie’s poorly trying to climb steve’s back like a koala and he’s just slurring “stevie, baby, darlin’, sweetheart. light of my life. my sweet lil cinnamon peach pie banana nut muffin—“

“okay dude are you proposing or just hungry? get off me!”

wynnyfryd:

and then eddie’s like “yeah kinda” and fuckin bites him on the shoulder

lettersinthesand:

"We're married?! Holy shit, i hit the jackpot!"

kesbird :

Eddie- “I wanna climb you like a tree stevward” steve-“You ALREADY ARE”

Gorgeousgreymatter:

Jfjshhchd accidentally kinky biting you get me

kesbird:

YES BITES

ok but is it a steddie fic in this house without biting

lettersinthesand:

Joke until it isnttttt

lettersinthesand :

True

Nix [Resident Eddie Kinnie]:

He do be biting

kesbird:

All I’m saying is that drunk Eddie would have a little nibble

Nix [Resident Eddie Kinnie] :

Just a taste

Gorgeousgreymatter :

He already had a lick so might as well

Buff Muggin:

Grey I am already screaming and I will continue to scream until the fic is done and I will still scream after

Nix [Resident Eddie Kinnie]:

Steve is like "even if I wanted to, I'm not taking advantage of you while you're drunk and I'm sober"

"You mean this entire time I just also needed to get you drunk ? OPEN THE CABINETS THEN I KNOW YOU HAVE THE GOOD SHIT"

Disc:I don't condone getting someone drunk just to sleep with them

But this is fanfiction

Gorgeousgreymatter:

I also want Gareth to like deliver Eddie to Steve to take home with Robin from the party. "Sorry to dump him on you man but he will not shut up about you and I simply cannot hear these things"

"...okay...wait what do you mean things?????"

Nix [Resident Eddie Kinnie]:

LMAOO

kesbird:

YESSSS

God that’s so fucking funny

Nix [Resident Eddie Kinnie]:

Gareth, long suffering Gareth

kesbird:Like GARETG is beat red and it’s not even about him!

Buff Muggin :

GARETH AIDING IN GETTING STRDDIE TOGETHER MY BELOVED

Gorgeousgreymatter :

Image

rainbownerds:

Steve eventually says sth like "If I cuddle you will you go to sleep? If you remember this and still wanna have sex when you're sober, ask me again"

lettersinthesand :

Omggg and he thinks Eddie won't 😭

Gorgeousgreymatter:

Consent king Steve

lettersinthesand:

sexy

Oh i legit thought that was supposed to say consent kink and i was like oh relate

Gorgeousgreymatter :

I was tempted to write both tbh lmao

But the pun

rainbownerds:

Eddie waking up and slowly remembering everything but steve's not there. he feels like he's gonna die of embarrassment but then steve comes out of the shower

Nix [Resident Eddie Kinnie]:

Eddie:you don't understand man, the absolute unholy crimes I would comitt to just bite his ass-

Gareth:OOOOOKAY WE ARE TAKING A TURN AT ELM AND IM DROPPING YOU OFF AT HARRINGTON'S he can deal with this problem

lettersinthesand :

LMAO

Gorgeousgreymatter:

"Listen man. Gareth. My dude. Do you know how mad i was when I found out what a good guy he was? And hot? I mean he's so fucking hot Gareth look at him!!!"

"I absolutely will not be doing that"

lettersinthesand:

Eddie: listen. LISTEN. He is. So sexy

Gareth: :yellsteve:

Gorgeousgreymatter:

true ally Gareth :slurrrp: :EddieSIMP:

Buff Muggin:

Eddie- I want to… MOUNT him

Gareth- That’s the third time you’ve said that since I walked over to you. It’s been two minutes.

wynnyfryd:

“but Gareth, his HANDSSS”

rainbownerds:

"Tell him, not me! I don't need to hear this!"

lettersinthesand:

"Gareth. GARETH. His ass"

Buff Muggin:

(Gareth is talking in complete deadpan monotone btw)

Nix [Resident Eddie Kinnie]:

Eddie- gym class was never the same without him, and his sweaty thighs,and his-

Gareth - do I really need this band? I can just down myself in this cup of water it wouldn't be that hard

wynnyfryd:

gareth praying for his tinnitus to kick in any time now

lettersinthesand:

"Gareth. GARETH. You aren't listening."

"Oh REALLY"

kesbird:

Gareth who is just LEARNING about his friends kinks in a speed run absolutely warp speeding it to Steve so that he doesn’t have to deal with this

Gorgeousgreymatter:

"I really wanna touch his hair. Do you think he'd let me if I ask? Can you ask??"

Gareth- looking around for someone to beg to murder him rn

wynnyfryd :

“his teeeeth. gareth his teeth are so lickable”

“that’s it you’re banned from the tequila for life”

kesbird:

Gareth sees Steve walk out of the party bathroom or whatever wherever they are beat fucking red because Eddie has been saying all that to Steve and losing it

Buff Muggin (Alpha Porn Roach) — Today at 4:17 PM

Eddie - I mean, Gareth. I just want to taste him. Look at his neck. Oh, the things I would do to bite it.

Gareth - Do you think it’s possible to drown in a red solo cup?

Eddie - I don’t know man, that’s not what we’re talking about right now

Gareth - I’m very willing to find out

wynnyfryd:

WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT

lettersinthesand:

Gareth slowly sipping his drink and turning away

Gorgeousgreymatter:

He's gonna knock on the door because everyone saw Steve and Robin go into the bathroom and Gareth is going to just be like "he's all yours, babysitter extraordinare"

kesbird:

ALSO SOME GOOD FUCKING SOUP

kesbird :

Exactlyyyyy!

Gorgeousgreymatter:

Because that's what Eddie keeps calling him and gareth has no fuxking idea what it means but fucking here u go

Babysit his ass

wynnyfryd:

“babysit his ass, apparently he’s into that too” lmfao

kesbird :

😂

Steve just- ???? But not having time to process because now he has two drunk octopuses

And Eddie is DELIGHTED to see him

Gorgeousgreymatter:

He's got two hands thankfully

Everyone watching Steve harringon the former king of Hawkins high leave with two people in his arms is objectively hilarious

Buff Muggin :

I both love incredibly supportive Gareth who tries to meddle in Eddie’s love life (to help him get the boy!!) and incredibly frustrated Gareth who hates how much Eddie talks about Steve

kesbird:

So he just gets practically tackled by a solid puddle of eddie

wynnyfryd:

gareth going through it

Image

Gorgeousgreymatter:

Robin getting a piggyback ride to the car (we were robbed of this in the Upside Down Steve would never even attempt to let Robin try to walk over those vines you cannot convince me otherwise) and just holding Eddie's hand

Nix [Resident Eddie Kinnie]:

Steve sends Gareth a fruit basket at the end of it all bc he doesn't know what else to do

Gorgeousgreymatter:

Which Eddie keeps swinging their arms and giggling

lettersinthesand:

ALL OF THIS

kesbird :

That is the most rich boy thing I’ve ever heard I love it

Gorgeousgreymatter:

30 bomb of beer and a post it that says thank you

Dude fruit basket

wynnyfryd:

that’s what they call their first apartment

kesbird:

Fucking iconic

Gorgeousgreymatter:

"If you puke in my hair I'm taking off your friendship bracelet and throwing it in the dirt, Robbie" -- she starts crying

lettersinthesand:

Robin is a crying drunk change my mind

wynnyfryd — Today at 4:25 PM

robin and eddie creating a feedback loop of sad wet eyed drunk idiots lmao

Gorgeousgreymatter:

I'd say she's a whiplash mood drunk lol

lettersinthesand :

Yeppp

kesbird:

Eddie is all - “I wanna tie you up Steve like a pretty little present 😌” meanwhile Robin is sobbing and Steve is having emotional whiplash

lettersinthesand:

Oh no now i had an angst plot bunny

wynnyfryd :

the sadness makes her nervous laugh until it turns to actual giggles

lettersinthesand:

Yes

wynnyfryd:

to the diary with you!! lol

lettersinthesand:

I feel like she's like me when drunk, which is super happy and intense until something happens and she's bawling her eyes out instead

Buff Muggin:

I definitely see Robin as the type to get really vocal to their friends about how much she loves them when she’s drunk. Like walking up to everyone she’s close to and being like “I need you to know that I am so happy we met and I love you so much you mean the world to me”

kesbird:

And the opposite is true too she’ll see someone she hates and BY GOD will they know by the end of that conversation

Gorgeousgreymatter:

"If you were a girl Steve I would marry you"

Cue drunk possessive argument between Robin and Eddie

wynnyfryd:

but then in the cold light of day steve tries to be like “that was really nice, what you said” and she’s all “gross, feelings 🤢”

wynnyfryd:

OH MY GOD a drunken passionate argument about who would be a better wife to steve

Buff Muggin (Alpha Porn Roach) — Today at 4:28 PM

Steve: Can we have a MOMENT for ONCE, ROBBIE?

Robin: Not while I am sober!

kesbird:

“My heart shrivels and dies the moment there’s no alcohol fueling it steve”

Gorgeousgreymatter — Today at 4:29 PM

"I love you too, Rob"

"Tell anyone I said that and your ass is grass Harrington"

"Might wanna get the lawnmower because you literally told everyone that already last night"

Buff Muggin (Alpha Porn Roach) — Today at 4:30 PM

“Tell anyone I said that-“ ROBIN EVERYONE KNOWS HOW MUCH YOU AND STEVE LOVE ONE ANOTHER (platonically) ITS NOT SOMETHING THAT NEEDS HIDDEN

Gorgeousgreymatter — Today at 4:31 PM

She tells everyone every single time she's drunk

wynnyfryd — Today at 4:31 PM

also quoting steve to steve while pretending not to be undying besties is just so good

Gorgeousgreymatter — Today at 4:31 PM

Like they all don't know

wynnyfryd — Today at 4:32 PM

nancy sarcastically over her drink like, “shocking news everyone, my girlfriend loves my ex more than me”

Buff Muggin (Alpha Porn Roach) — Today at 4:32 PM

You tried to “keep it under wraps” but those “wraps” were clear plastic cling film Robin. Everyone could see what was underneath it

wynnyfryd — Today at 4:33 PM

robin, starry eyed and missing all the sarcasm “i. love. him. so. MUCH”

Gorgeousgreymatter — Today at 4:33 PM

"But don't tell him!!!" In the loudest whisper whilst in Steve's lap

Nix [Resident Eddie Kinnie] — Today at 4:33 PM

THISSS

kesbird — Today at 4:34 PM

Even better if she stage whispers that directly to Steve lol

wynnyfryd — Today at 4:34 PM

eddie making the “lips are locked and the key is thrown away” gesture with the most sincere cow eyes

Gorgeousgreymatter — Today at 4:35 PM

That's going in the car scene

wynnyfryd — Today at 4:35 PM

argyle’s so high all the time that this actually is shocking news to him at every single party

Gorgeousgreymatter — Today at 4:35 PM

When her and Eddie argue over Steve

lettersinthesand — Today at 4:35 PM

He isn't even joking he is just as drunk and is 100% in on the seriousness

kesbird — Today at 4:36 PM

Covers Steve’s ears very badly for it too before Steve bats at him

Gorgeousgreymatter — Today at 4:36 PM

"But also ill fight you for him, Buckley. I'll fight you right now in this backseat!"

Steve: NO YOU WILL NOT

lettersinthesand — Today at 4:36 PM

Man Argyle as a background character in fic is so underrated

wynnyfryd — Today at 4:37 PM

kindergarten style slap fight commences

Gorgeousgreymatter — Today at 4:37 PM

Hdjshxxb this is gonna be so fun j have so many good dialogue ideas :loveteeth: :loveteeth:

kesbird — Today at 4:37 PM

:loveteeth: :loveteeth: :loveteeth:

Gorgeousgreymatter — Today at 4:37 PM

It will be a gift for all of you :EddieSIMP:

lettersinthesand — Today at 4:37 PM

:loveteeth:

kesbird — Today at 4:38 PM

Did I mention I would kill for you I’m just gonna leave that out there again because AHHHHHH

wynnyfryd — Today at 4:38 PM

Image

Gorgeousgreymatter — Today at 4:39 PM

...at Steve's house he has to go take care of Robin first so he takes Eddie to his bedroom and says STAY PUT all grumpy and Eddie says "I'll be a good boy for you stevie" and then Steve hurls himself into the sun

lettersinthesand — Today at 4:40 PM

Eddie is just. King of accidentally saying super hot shit

wynnyfryd — Today at 4:41 PM

AHHHHHHHHHH picturing him like, starfished on steve’s bed with his head hanging off the edge so he’s smiling upside down at steve

Gorgeousgreymatter — Today at 4:42 PM

Oh no he means it. 100% and that's what makes it part of Steve's agonies lol

lettersinthesand — Today at 4:42 PM

:loveteeth:

Gorgeousgreymatter — Today at 4:48 PM

...Steve trying to get Eddie to change clothes and he wants the yellow sweater but Steve's like you can't have it, I just gave it to Robin.

"Fine then gimme your letterman jacket"

'You can't wear that to bed eds it's not comfortable and I don't want you puking on it"

Steve is finally able to haggle and placate with the literal shirt he's wearing because it's the only one Eddie will agree to wear

lettersinthesand — Today at 4:48 PM

:loveteeth:

kesbird — Today at 4:49 PM

:loveteeth: :loveteeth: :loveteeth:

I’m gonna lose my mind dear god

At this point steve is taking a shower out of self preservation. Both to let off steam and also because Eddie was cuddling him he was no match

Gorgeousgreymatter — Today at 4:50 PM

...he's gonna jerk off in the shower and feel shit about it

kesbird — Today at 4:50 PM

EXACTLY

Gorgeousgreymatter — Today at 4:50 PM

But it's the only way he can cuddle Eddie how Eddie wants without dying lol

kesbird — Today at 4:51 PM

And then eddie comes in sober and sees everything through the glass and is like “whelp my time to shine lmao time to make good on some promises”

Nix [Resident Eddie Kinnie] — Today at 4:57 PM

MY TIME TO SHINE LMAAOODGUSGJFD

Steve having a crisis and Eddie just being inexplicably in love with him is my favorite steddie trope

Gorgeousgreymatter — Today at 4:59 PM

I'm seriously an excited puppy about writing this!!

Which means I'll get it done fast :ohreally:

hyperfixation powers activate

kesbird — Today at 5:08 PM

YESSSSS

Gorgeousgreymatter — Today at 5:09 PM

Also RIP everyone backreading this later

kesbird — Today at 5:13 PM

Oh i didn’t even think about that lol

I’m gonna try and start putting discussions on tumble again we’ll see how that goes

wynnyfryd — Today at 5:16 PM

re: this whole conversation akdkds

Image

Nix [Resident Eddie Kinnie] — Today at 5:19 PM

Tldr Drunk Bitey Eddie + DD Steve with a sprinkling of drunk lovey Robin and a dash of exasperated flustered Gareth

[eeyes]

Struggling with mobility again. THINKIBG. Reflecting. Laminating. Rotating.

It is so hideous to be mistreated by the system and go home and have no support snd be treated subhuman everywhere and i truly despise everyone who has made me bargain for my humanity becquse they think im lying about my condition or they see in struggling and just dont care…

Remembering my psychiatrist who saw i walked into the appointment shaking and requested a chair with a tall back so i could have spinal support, bc i knew at that point w my condition that helped me stop shaking and feel faint, and he kept saying itd “break policy” to move chairs while his decrepit ass sat there in a full sized office chair. So i asked him for his and he just kept saying how it wasnt gonna happen and tried to keep asking me about psychiatry questions but i couldnt remember anything bc i was feeling too bad to form proper sentences 🙄

And my sister and her gf, any time i needed help getting food, going to the bathroom, etc etc they could both be awake 1 room away and hear me say i need help for 30 min and not give a fuck bc they are on their computers. Literally were days i would keep repeating “can someone get me food” and slapping myself cuz if im hungry my body acts stupid and i twitch a bunch and the two of them would get into SCREAMING arguments over how they both didnt wanna help me get like. Cereal…

Another time. aome fuckass nurse saw that i was admitted into the hospital for not being able to walk and told me i didnt need her help going to the bathroom and left me partway in the hallway telling me to go the rest of the way myself so she could do something else and i ended up maybe 5 feet closer to the bathroom then when she left me and laid down on the floor so id stop shaking/wouldnt pass out like what did you expect 😭😭😭😭

Like . im mad at all these situations clearly im mad but i just feel so defeated. I seriously dod not see myself as human for several years because of this treatment and j still struggl to every time i have mobility issues… I just want to be able to have flareups and not wake up immediately crying because i have to overexert myself and make people argue over whether its worth it to help me get food or driven to the doctor or take baths lolooolololol

And im hoping my current flareup isnt longer than a week… Recently ive been doing better. But i seriously get so depressed every time it happens again and im still sorting all these feelings out in therapy and i deserve to talk about the way ive been treated… And i mean i deserve to have bad days. I cant control my body.

[rianafying]

hinge is so fucking stupid. dating apps are stupid. people on there are great sure but like i hate online dating. it’s so stupid. idk why im so angry about this. oh yeah it’s cause it gets so overwhelming to reply to everyone. like i don’t wanna reply to anyone. i feel like im being trampled on in a crowd. it’s too loud and it’s too many noises. i just wanna go on a walk and not be scared of running into my crush. mff was fucking amazing, but i’m still recovering from my hangover after the open bar at the stupid VIP lounge. like idk how i got so drunk so fast off of 4 tiny glasses of prosecco. other people had 9 drinks and were still fine, and i was stumbling. at some point in the night it got so fucking sweaty and dense w people, my glass slipped from my hand, cause of the condensation and sweat, it didn’t break but the drink spilled onto the floor. i tried cleaning it up but felt so bad for doing that. like i don’t usually get drunk drunk. maybe cause i haven’t had drinks in a while? idk man. i’m still recovering from the long weeks at mff and all the people i met and it was wonderful and exhausting and i have turned my assignments in amidst all the chaos. i should be happy but i am weirdly super miserable. like i even have money in my bank account now. a decent amount. which is so rare, because normally i have between 10 and 20 dollars to survive the week till my next payment. anyway, things are good. i’m just annoyed. i don’t feel too good. a bunch of things triggered a lot of my childhood trauma recently and i was bawling my eyes out like a child for the full 45 minutes i was in therapy yesterday. maybe i’m annoyed because i have a crush. and they kinda seemed interested in me too? which was surprising. but i’m not gonna see this person probably ever again. because in this city you don’t get to meet the same people twice. and i’m a dumbass. and i flipped a coin. anyway. today i ate a bit more than i should have. but it’s cause i was super hungry all day. and confused and overwhelmed. it’s crazy how much work and studying i do for someone who is so mentally ill. god i’m just limping my way through life but i’m actually catching up? this is success. this is how i had hoped things would turn out. this is what i prayed to god would happen. it’s happening. and yet for some reason i’m still not happy. maybe it’s cause my room is still really messy and that’s a big source of shame and guilt for me, along with it physically making life harder for me because i lose things and trip over the clutter and can’t have friends over. at least the bugs are gone. i didn’t even do anything, they just left. by themselves. how polite. anyway yeah so my messy room. and some of my loved ones are sad. and it’s just a little complicated with some people in my life at the moment. but it’s one of those things that naturally get resolved in time. there’s an inspection at my house in 2 days time. i know it’s going to be a stressful process for me but im going to do my best to clean up my room earlier so that i dont lose sleep and have a full on panic attack the morning of.

i feel like i’d be a lot calmer once my room situation is dealt with. one step at a time. for example, i don’t struggle with laundry anymore since i figured out a system that works for me. same with taking out the trash. and i assume it will be the same for cleaning. it’s just a matter of doing it well enough times so that i believe i can do it again, and that it doesn’t have to be so unpleasant and stressful if i don’t leave it all for one day and spread it out over a few days. this is going to be okay. i am going to be okay. and my health is looking better even though i haven’t taken care of my body in the last one week due not having the time, but i can easily go back. i’m not at square one, ill be restarting at a decent state this time so it’ll be easier and faster to get to health now. i should make a proper to do list. time to ease back into life and everyday chores. it’s all every difficult while it’s happening but it’s much better when it’s done. also with the difficulty starting, cause of the lack of dopamine and serotonin in my brain. but i can make it work. things are going to be fine. i am actually fine. the angels were right. i DO know how to figure it out.

costar says “Don’t start the fight. Whatever you have to say, write it down, crumple it up, and burn it. Today, anger is as clarifying as it is destructive. Your limbic system responds to an accumulation from a lifetime of conflict. Don’t give this one that kind of power.” - while anger can provide clarity by highlighting underlying issues, it also has destructive potential. the limbic system, the part of the brain associated with emotions, reacts to accumulated unresolved conflicts that can trigger intense emotional responses. the advice is not to let anger have too much power over me, implying the importance of managing emotions constructively.

Your desire to change this month depends on your ability to get in touch with your body. This is no small feat for a person who can let their need for stability stunt relationship growth. Cultivate your attraction to relationships that feed you. You have a desire for indulgence in your romantic or creative life. There will be a chance opportunity that affects your natural drive for action. Try to be more adaptable than you usually are right now. Pursue the things you want.

This opportunity will see its beginnings in significant relationships where they meet with the ways you find joy. Keep an eye on projects you share with your partner, an affair, or a casual relationship becoming more serious.

Whether it’s fate or chance, now is the time to take advantage of anything that seems too good to be true.

okay maybe this is good advice. i’m more open to getting rejected as long as i’ve put myself out there. you know when they say you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. it’s true. i’ve been so much happier since i started taking risks. life is not about being as safe as possible. gotta put myself out there, gotta believe in good change. gotta accept that if i want to be happier i have to accept happiness when it comes my way. when im scared i only want stability and smooth sailing, but i realise im happier when i’m trying to step outside of my comfort zone and grow. i am capable of more but i can’t do more if i stay stuck at home from fear of the unknown. this is all getting a little too vague for anyone who doesn’t live inside my head. i’m gonna go take a walk soon. i deserve a good walk.

[avo-kat]

cleaning up makes me feel like a sim its so fucking maddening and im actually honestly trying to do shit as effectively as possible yknow because time is short and could be used instead on watching another pokemon red speedrun instead so i stand in the room trying to analyze the different problems putting everything in categories usually trash is first gather all trash and put it into the trash can oh but the trash is full where are the trash bags so u look around everywhere and step over dirty clothes so u pick them up throw them into the hamper oh the bathroom mirror is dirty af quickly clean that oh u gotta bring ur dish soap back into the kitchen so u go into the kitchen and remember still no trash bags crap so u put ur bottles of condiments back into the fridge and instead decide to wash dishes but no still no trash bags cant scrape the dried off cat food off of them so back u go oh theres boxes on the floor gotta make them small and put them into the cardboard bag to bring outside later oh the shoes need to be put properly onto the shoe rock oh ur scarf fell down hang that up on the wardrobe and wow the shoes are so disoragnized and its becoming winter better take out the summer shoes and rearrange the winter shoes u go into ur closet by the kitchen to put away the summer shoes and u stand there for a moment wondering what u wanted to do u see ur hammer on the shelf right exactly time to hammer in a nail into the wall to hang up ur pinboard where are ur fucking nails oh you used them for ur craft project back into ur room oh there are the trash bags on your bookshelf lol ok back to gathering trash now u can scrape off food but u dont wanna thats the most boring and ew shit ever so u go into the bathroom to pee and quickly clean the sink because ur alrdy there and gather up ur laundry and put it into the washing machine oh u gotta strip ur bed so u go back to ur room but man arent u tired u are so tired so u sit down and start a video but not the pokemon speedrun no thats reserved for later as a reward for relaxing this is just a quick break and for background noise u start playing on ur phone and scrolling tumblr and suddenly its an hour later and u realize u havent started laundry but u still gotta strip ur bed ok fuck u can do it so u just do it and leave it bare and hope u can do it b4 bed so u start laundry and ugh dishes but no better vacuum ur room so u do that but first u gotta pick up shit and dust ur table and shelf wheres the fucking duster is it in the laundry u walk around everywhere oh its in the bathroom u pick it up head back now u need a wet cloth where is it ok nowehrre get a new one oh hey the nails are in the closet after all uhhhhh now u dont wanna hang anything ok back to ur room time to dust but first check ur phone or discord or tumblr ok half an hour later time to dust u move everything aside and dust ur shelf and desk and then ur cat is hungry ok u go and clean the dishes and feed ur cat man now ur really hungry too ok so u gotta make some food but ugh its so annoying and boring what can u even eat ok pop smth frozen into the oven thats fine cant clean b4 you have eaten obv so u sit down watch videos browse the internet food done yay u eat and relax some more finally finally u get up to vacuum oh the laundry is done ok lemme just clean the toilet quick boy arent u tired u sit down and browse tumblr oh damn the laundry is done ok but u first wanna clean the litter boxes so u do that and maybe clean the bathtub ok now ur really tired and its so late time for bed oh no the bed is bare and laundry still needs to be hung up sigh

[outofcontexturi]

thurs 10th nov 2022 journal

today was a good day. yesterday was also a good day. mind has been sound. done alot of deep breathing these past couple of days. the benefits of utilising your highs i guess. I went to Mortimer House with Andre yesterday. that place is fucking beautiful. it’s the sort of place i want to be a part of if soho house wont accept me just yet ; but forreal it’s a great start for the lifestyle i want to live. so yeah that was good. really pushed myself on the treadmill yesterday. we did 30 mins. bearing in mind that i havent been to a gym in over two years i think im doing a great fucking job! Also bumped into Arseniy and Charlie in Goodge St and we had a conversation about third year and the fuckeries that take place and the life of a graduating actor. it was quite the convo i needed actually. i think im on the right path. I’d like to think i am. I think many things are a mindset thing for me. If i can’t get my mind behind it I cannot invest in it because mentally i didnt check in. I’ve been consciously doing alot of this work for 3 months now. I feel like a different person and im seeing small results. maybe they’re the results im meant to be seeing now and maybe i should wait and see how good things can get. its 21:33pm and i wanna eat. I might be seeing Alexandra tomorrow. i miss that sexy bitch ugh. I wanna see Geillo too. i can’t believe tomorrow is friday. my body is in pain from yesterday’s session. I took a towel from the place because fuck capitalism and they dont need that shit sorry. petty crimes are okay in my book. anyways karma is a cunt because i lost my fucking cocoa butter cream ( i think i left it at the place). i dont know if i have a lot of energy or if im just tired or if im hungry but i dont feel like having the same food again. i need to get back into my cooking bag cause yeah man i’ve been slacking just wasting money on outside food instead of cooking like the rest of these ppl. Ella is also a cunt for not putting me on a rota this weekend like i didnt fucking message her to put me on the shifts. i need to do some press ups. i need to bulk in three weeks. kinda. idk. i took the train with Camilla today. never done that before. she told me she had to get up at 6:30 in the morning to prep breakfast for her mum (she’s currently going thru chemo) and i honestly felt that. like i know the feeling of putting someone you love before yourself during the early hours of the morning and then acting like things are okay when deep down you want to break but you dont want to break infront of people. i get that. i need to feel sexy again. and truth be told i just want some head from a bad bitch. some head from a bead bitch this week would be GREAT. its 21:53pm. no food in my stomach STILL. i have grapes beside me though but they aren’t cold which sucks but its okay i guess. its better than nothing. im gonna listen to some music and call it a night me thinks. read a few pages of Revolutionary Suicide and then get ready for bed. currently listening to Foreword by Tyler the Creator. i did think about leaving drama school yesterday. like i really entertained the idea that maybe drama school isn’t for me and im still at a crossroads. i really hope that whatever decision i make is the most favourable for me in the long run. time to be somebody. i am somebody. i dont wanna be someone else. i wanna be me. that is all. sign out time: 22:00pm. 

[without-it]

fasting day 3/7

i stg time goes so slowly when ur fasting. im bored out of my MINDDD.

im honestly barely hungry. ill have moments where my stomach growls and is like "hey bro its been days can i get some fucking food pls" but within 5 mins that feeling just goes away again? this is the best ive ever felt in a fast honestly. im starting to actually believe ill make it till monday :3

didnt go for a walk today, but did deep clean my apartment for several hours and mr google says at my weight that would have been around 500 cals burnt so! im fine w that tbh

intake today: 1.1 cals from one coke zero, two cups of green tea, 1 liter of water mit electrolytes, and all the usual vitamins (see day 1 for the list)

tmro when i wake up ill be past the halfway point. you might notice the end time has changed a bit. remembered if im doing a fast this long i really dont wanna break it with whatever food my parents want to eat (monday nights i visit them for dinner), so ill be breaking my fast that morning instead w something light. not trying to deal w some refeeding syndrome shit !

will do another weight check-in tmro morn bc it was way too stressful not weighing myself daily. see yall tmro <3333

[horrible-oracle]

i hate all managers but theres this manager. who i hate with all my soul with a burning passion. i want to punch her in the face a hundred times i want to KILL her.

[widevibratobitch]

.

[lesbianstarlightglimmer]

i should probably eat