#but like.....their pasts their experiences their goals etc just....work together w/ each other

[baekuras]

//makes one shitposty oc-note and posts about it

me 5minutes and multiple lore-points later into a new word document:

[addictedtostorytelling]

I adore your metas and I read them all! Please can I ask how you think Grissom made the move in asking Sara out and then dating her? Did he take her out for breakfast or were they always behind closed doors and asked to bring takeout breakfast to hers? I'm curious how he lifted his head out that microscope and gathered the courage to go for it.

hey, @coffeewithsugarplease!

my short answer is that i don’t think grissom actually formally asks sara out at all, or at least not in the sense of asking her with words like “will you go out with me?” or “let’s take this chance” or anything to those effects.

instead, i think he much more likely goes the physical route—i.e., just up and finally kisses the girl, letting his actions do the talking.

as for when and how he works up the courage to do so, i’ve got my answer after the “keep reading,” if you’re interested.

______

to me, the whole slow process of grissom and sara getting together starts in s4.

throughout most of that season, grissom's m.o. is to keep his distance from sara, as he is aware that he is still too afraid to be with her (despite wanting to do so) and reasons that since such is now and may always yet be the case, then he must, in fairness to both himself and sara, try to "let her go." 

consequently, throughout the year, he goes out of his way to generate some artificial distance between himself and sara, limiting their one-on-one interactions as much as possible, at times being purposefully curt with her, often pulling rank on her and/or siding with other members of the team over her in circumstances of dispute or competition, etc.

of course, for as much as grissom tries to convince both himself and sara that theirs is only a professional relationship with no deeper feelings involved, he largely fails to do so, and especially as throughout the year he is frequently and unignorably reminded of just how deeply he loves sara and how bonded he is to her (see episodes 04x03 "homebodies," 04x07 "invisible evidence," 04x12 "butterflied," etc.).

this push-and-pull of grissom trying to keep his distance from sara but at the same time still being as drawn to her as ever comes to a head during the events of the season finale (see episode 04x23 “bloodlines”), when sara is pulled over for driving drunk, and grissom realizes that the sadness he had sensed in her earlier in the season (see episode 04x16 "getting off") is actually something much deeper and more concerning—and, moreover, that the way that he has treated sara throughout the year has actually done harm to her.

in the wake of sara's near-dui, grissom realizes that he needs to be more attentive to and transparent with sara about the fact that he cares for her, so come s5, that's what he does.

in the early episodes of the season, he shows interest in her progress with her peap sessions, admits to being concerned about her when she behaves recklessly on the job (see episode 05x02 "down the drain"), and is complimentary of her intelligence and abilities, acting very warmly toward her in a way that he hasn't done in a very long time.

his goal with this behavior is not necessarily to “win sara over,” as, given that he is now fully aware of how much his behavior has hurt her in the past, he doesn’t believe that she could or should ever forgive him enough to want to be with him. instead, what he is looking to do is to simply be there for her in any way she needs him to be, putting her needs before his own.

of course, even though grissom doesn’t necessarily intend to woo sara by his actions, that’s what he ends up doing anyway; though she had been burned by his aloof behavior toward her throughout s4, he delights her with how careful he is of her come s5, quickly proving to her that he will be there for her no matter what.

between episodes 05x01 "viva las vegas" and 05x11 "who shot sherlock?", grissom and sara repair the friendship that has always been the foundation of their dynamic with each other.

they then experience two watershed moments, one after the other.

the first occurs in episode 05x12 “snakes,” when, in an instance of open candor, sara reveals to grissom that not only did she originally move to vegas in the hopes that they would eventually have some kind of romantic relationship with each other, but she still harbors feelings for him, even after so many years and all of the runaround between them (“you’ve always been a little more than a boss to me. why do you think i moved to vegas?”).

considering that after the events of s4, grissom had legitimately believed that he had lost all chance of being with sara forever, the importance of this confession from her cannot be overstated.

as i talk about in this post,

to me, the big deal about this scene is that it gets grissom thinking about how neither he nor sara is happy with the way things have turned out over the last few years. it’s sara bringing up their past again that gets him to consider the difference between what he thinks he needs and what he actually needs.

ever since sara joined his team, he has had multiple opportunities to be with her, but he has always allowed his fear and doubt and aversion to change to win out over his love for her. the last time he turned her down—in episode 03x22 “play with fire”—it felt like such a decisive thing, a decision he made that he couldn’t take back, which is precisely how he frames things in his monologue at the end of episode 04x12 “butterflied.” he thinks that sara gave him this last-chance offer for them to be together, and he turned her down, and so he blew it forever.

but after what sara says here, it gets him thinking that maybe that doesn’t have to be the case—that maybe it’s not too late for them to take a chance on being together.

this revelation then leads directly to the next big gsr watershed moment, which takes place in episode 05x13 “nesting dolls,” when after sara earns herself a suspension from work due to her insubordination toward catherine and ecklie, grissom, throwing political caution to the wind, shows up at her apartment to figure out once and for all what lies at the root of the sadness and anger he has for so long sensed in her, refusing to let her turn him away or dodge the question.

his doggedness results in sara finally telling him the truth about her past, which is that she grew up in a violent home with mentally ill and substance-addicted parents and that her mother eventually killed her father, resulting in her being placed in foster care at a young age.

considering that sara has never told anyone this story before, the significance of her confiding in grissom is monumental.

that she trusts him enough to tell him her deepest, darkest secret is huge.

but what’s huger still is how he responds to what she says.

the reason why sara had always kept this information to herself previously was because she feared that if she told it to anyone, it would cause that person to reject her—that what happened in her home was so horrifying that they wouldn’t be able to look her in the eyes anymore once they knew the truth; that after they realized the brutality programmed into her dna, they would think her unsalvageable and frightening.

that grissom listens to her story, understands the implications, and then is able to look her straight on and say with no hint of doubt in his voice that he doesn’t think that either her history or her genetics make her a bad person means more to her than she can possibly express.

grissom offering her this unconditional acceptance is essentially what clears the final hurdle toward them having a relationship with each other, as it proves to him that despite his doubts in his own courage, he is capable of stepping up and caring for her even with the world howling at him for doing so AND proves to her that he’s not going to split at the first sign of trouble.     

as i talk about in this post,

to me, gsr’s whole vegas relationship can be divided into the “b.n.d.” and “a.n.d.” eras—i.e., “before ‘nesting dolls’” and “after ‘nesting dolls.’” the shift that occurs in their interactions once grissom learns sara’s secret is just absolutely everything...

as i’ve written about here, after realizing in s4 that he still loves sara and always will and that he regrets his decision to live without her, this episode marks the place where grissom starts to understand that he cannot continue to compartmentalize his feelings for and relationship with sara without hurting her; he has to be emotionally transparent with her or risk losing her forever.

—and that’s what episode 05x13 “nesting dolls” is all about.

everyone is saying that sara is trouble, but grissom realizes that she’s troubled, which is different. he’s never been able to stand seeing her sad, and he’s felt helpless for a long time to do anything on her behalf. he can’t afford to “play it safe” anymore; he has got figure out what’s going on in her head and in her heart, but in order to do that, he’ll have to show her what’s in his head and in his heart first.

so he goes to her apartment in this attitude of total openness. he makes it clear to her that he’s there not because he’s her supervisor and it’s his job to reprimand her after her outburst but because he cares about her deeply and personally and wants to help her however he can. his show of interest is what gets her to open up, as she finally realizes that what happens to her matters to him. the fact that he would come looking for her when everyone else told him to let her go helps her to trust him.

so she tells him her story, fearing the whole time she’s talking that once he knows what kind of home she came from and what kind of violence is “in her blood,” he’ll reject her.

but then he doesn’t reject her.

he holds her hand.

he looks at her in a way that says there is nothing about her he doesn’t love.

—and to me, that’s what opens the door for grissom and sara to eventually become intimate.

so here’s where we get to my headcanon:

while there is a window of “unaccounted for time” in episode 05x13 “nesting dolls” between the point when grissom visits sara’s apartment in the early evening and when he returns to the lab later that night that is of sufficient length that it would allow for grissom and sara to “get together” during that timeframe, i don’t actually think that they do so, either in the sense of grissom asking sara out or in the sense of them hooking up.

to my mind, grissom would not feel comfortable asking sara to take that type of leap at a point when she was so emotionally vulnerable, and sara would be unlikely to try to initiate anything herself. 

instead, what i think happens is that they engage in some kind of nonsexual intimacy, like maybe grissom ends up holding sara in his arms until she falls asleep and/or kisses her hands or head and/or says something somewhat emotionally revealing to her (not necessarily “i love you”—because, again, i don’t think he’d want to take that kind of step given the situation—but maybe something along the lines of telling sara how much it means that she would confide in him or promising her that he’ll save her job or expressing how highly he thinks of her, perhaps even more so now that he knows how much she’s overcome in her life to get to where she is).

whatever it is, they both walk away from the experience feeling closer than ever and like their relationship has somehow changed in nature (for the better).

in the wake of the events of episode 05x13 “nesting dolls,” i think that grissom and sara then go through a period of kind of feeling each other out, each one desperately wanting to take their relationship to another level but both of them being too shy to do so.

there are probably a lot of near misses during this era—occasions when if one or the other of them were just a bit bolder, someone would say something; a few almost-kisses; a handful of “hey, um—” “what?” “uh, never mind” type conversations. 

but there’s also probably actual progress, too—them being more open and emotionally intimate with each other, spending more time together (perhaps even off of the clock), feeling connected and like they’re more and more on the same page. 

then i think there’s some kind of catalyst, some event that brings grissom back to sara’s apartment, and this visit culminates with an actual consummation. it’s not a situation where he formally asks her out but one where they just end up connecting, and from then on they both know that they’re together now, just like they’ve always wanted to be.

as i talk about in this post,

to my mind, they probably end up having sex sometime mid-s5 in a “heat of the moment” situation, with all of their years of longing and loving and lusting catching up to them in an instant, and from there things basically take off running.

it’s like a redo of the “pin me down” scene in episode 04x07 “invisible evidence,” only this time they listen to their bodies and hearts and do what comes naturally to them, consequences be damned.

since they’re already deeply in love with each other and have been so for seven+ years AND since they already know each other exceedingly well—not necessarily in the sense that they are apprised of every detail of each other’s biographies but in terms of the important stuff, like being familiar with each other’s life philosophies, having a sense of how the other person reacts under pressure, understanding each other’s hopes and fears, being experts in how to comfort each other, etc.—i don’t suppose either one of them sees a reason to second-guess things.

the only factor that at all “slows them down” is that they each separately and secretly worry that perhaps the other person isn’t “in as deep” as they are (and especially not so soon), and so in order to avoid scaring each other off, they do somewhat temper their own eagerness—for instance, with sara holding back from saying “i love you” to grissom until grissom says it to her first, grissom refraining from asking sara to move in with him until at least a few months have passed, grissom not asking sara to marry him immediately after that first night (even though he’s already been dying to ask her for years), etc., etc.  

anyway, that’s my headcanon: 

after years of being too afraid to follow his heart and be with sara, grissom finally realizes that for both of their sakes, he needs to step up and show her that he cares. while he doesn’t initially suppose that his doing so will necessarily result in them commencing a romantic relationship (because by this late stage in the game, he’s under the impression that he has both well and truly ruined any chance he might have ever had to be with her), he does hope that in being more supportive of and transparent in his feelings for her, he can finally do right by her after having given her the runaround for far too long. 

as he drops his guard with her and becomes increasingly bold in championing her, even in public and under pressure not to, she learns that she can trust him, to the point where she eventually feels safe enough to tell him the secrets of her past. 

once she does so, it opens the doors for them to be together, each one feeling more grounded in the other’s bond with them than they ever have before. 

in typical gsr fashion, this shift in their relationship status not something they really talk through; it comes on the tail of kisses rather than a conversation. 

but once it happens, they just both kind of know “we’re together now.”

as for what their dating life actually looks like once they’re together, i’ve written my headcanon out here, if you’re interested.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

[takoyakitenchou]

genesis ch.1

i started a next gen fic called Renaissance w all my oc’s but i realized i need to provide context so now i’m writing this in tandem. endgames for this fic are pretty much set but i’m more than willing to experiment. i’ll post chapters for both fics initially on tumblr and then transfer them to ff.net for ease of accessibility (scrolling to find chapters etc). also i never proofread so bear w any mistakes lol

Long before thoughts of graduation were even on his mind, it had come to the attention of Yukihira Souma that after a few years of first-handedly witnessing the evolution of Sakaki Sake, there was nothing that could faze him anymore.

But as he fiddled with the honors cords around his neck and watched Nakiri Erina take the stage to deliver her first seat address — the same stage where he’d announced his plans to take the top spot three years prior and improvised his second seat speech five minutes ago — he was automatically thrown into a kaleidoscope of frustration and wishful fantasy, both of which he thought he had effectively shut down. It wasn’t about the fact that he hadn’t been able to take her first seat away from her; she had belonged there and both of them knew it.

He’d taken her to Shino’s Tokyo for their one year anniversary two nights ago and when she started her usual nitpicking about his work habits, or lack thereof, he’d finally come clean and admitted that the reason why he’d spent the better part of second semester abroad was because he’d been in Helsinki, talking with investors and contractors about his restaurant space, stuffing his menu with specialties, carefully selecting sous chefs and house staff, paving his path to becoming the first owner chef of Totsuki’s 92nd generation. His flagship was set to debut in four days.

Then she’d broken up with him.

In retrospect, it was probably a bad idea to ask her if she was down to go with him to Finland and be his co-owner chef while she was halfway through a mahi-mahi specialty he’d given Shinomiya in exchange for exclusive rights to the best table in the house, but at the time he’d been way too excited to think twice.

We’re of perpendicular worlds, she’d said. We just… happened to cross. It didn’t… 

Mean anything, he’d finished, feeling his heart break. You’re right.

“Good morning, graduates of the 92nd generation. It’s been six years since we all stood in this very amphitheater with our middle school division acceptance letters and yet I remember everything as acutely as if it were just yesterday. I suppose that only goes to show how fast time has flown…”

She had perched herself precariously on his lap in his office at Legislation, laughing and sharing the Smirnoff they’d stolen from Kurokiba’s locker, his arms around her waist as they bounced ideas off of each other. The final draft, completed ten minutes before it was due for approval with her grandfather and the board, seemed like a valedictorian address, but at its foundation, it was a testament to all that they had achieved as the pinnacle of the academy.

“… It is impossible to overestimate the changes that our generation brought to Totsuki. Our impact stretches from Legislation at the peak of the mountain all the way down to the front gates at its base, and in a way we have left a legacy on the rest of the culinary world that will endure for the eras to come…”

It’s impossible to overestimate the changes that we made to this school, bubs. You and I altered the course of Totsuki forever, and our legacy… I guess we’ll have to trust the process. But I know we’ll see it through side by side, because you’re Yukihira Souma and I’m Nakiri Erina.

“… I will always treasure all the memories we have made and I trust that our futures will remain intertwined. I trust that this will not be the last time we are gathered together to celebrate our achievements. We made it this far. We overcame — no, we conquered every obstacle this school threw our way. So let us strive forth, reach for new heights, and venture into the world that has already long since been ours. Congratulations, everyone.”

Let us strive forth, Yukihira, and drive ourselves further into the wasteland, knowing that as long as your hand is in mine we will reach the end of the storm.

Is that a promise, bubs?

Of course it is, you idiot.

Stop hitting me. I love you, too.

“Good job,” he said when she returned backstage, his voice thick with memories.

She gave him an unreserved smile reminiscent of their past and the tension strangling his heart started to abate. Just barely.

“Yukihira, will you take me home after?”

Souma stared at her in surprise. “Would you like me to?”

A single nod.

-

Erina managed to not fall off Souma’s scooter on his way to the Nakiri Mansion. She had, against her better judgment, asked him for expedited service, and he was one hell of a speedster when he wanted to be.  

“This is it, then,” she said. She fought to keep her emotions from seeping into her voice, her eyes from lingering on the short hair protruding from under his graduation cap. Everything was driving her insane; the sooner she got out of there, the better.

But she made no move to go.

Souma nodded, paused, took a breath. “Can you make it to the opening? I… I’d want you there, if no one else.”

She ignored the last part because he meant it. To dwell on the feelings that were still very much animate between them would only impede their futures, and to keep each other from reaching their goals would be a sin after everything they’d been through. “Maybe if you delay I could show up near the end, or maybe at closing just to say hi… I don’t know.”

It had always been like this, both of them making promises they’d never be able to keep, no matter how hard they tried. They’d tried. They really had.

He nodded in acceptance and she could sense his despondency. His gaze flitted down and then back up, and in that short span his expression had cleared of melancholy.

So many things she wanted to say but not enough time and no way to say them. Erina looked into his gentle honey eyes, regarding the way they glittered with an invitation to recross the blurred lines she’d slashed between them.

But that would be wrong. 

So instead she extended her hand diplomatically; he took it with a chuckle, and before she knew it her ex boyfriend was holding her close against his chest. Erina pressed her nose to his neck, knowing she would no longer have the guilty pleasure of smelling the scent that clung to him at all times, some unique blend of laundry detergent and whatever spices he’d been experimenting with last. She felt his hands shift behind her, briefly letting go and then coming to rest gently in her hair and around her waist. 

“Good luck, Yukihira.”

“See you, bu—Nakiri.” To make that mistake would be unforgivable.

Then he let go, and she was glad because she had been slipping back into the familiar sensation of his comfort and doing absolutely nothing to stop herself. Erina watched with the ghost of a smile on her lips as Souma’s receding figure melted into the lazy spring afternoon.

Only when he was long gone did she realize that he had slipped his mother’s white cloth around her neck before he left.

[ofthelibertine]

did BEATRICE ‘BEA’ HILL chase one of seven sins seven miles down the coast? originally from KEY WEST, FL, the TWENTY-NINE CISFEMALE is a/the DETECTIVE and has lived in the key for HER ENTIRE LIFE. SHE is suppose to call NEWTOWN APARTMENTS home, but there is always temptation lurking between the streets and the ocean that keeps HER from heading back. sinners and saints take many forms, but they look like KYLIE BUNBURY and on their way to make decisions, good and bad, they always seem to sway to the beat of JOKE’S ON YOU BY CHARLOTTE LAWRENCE.

tw: brief mention of drugs

- B A S I C S -

Full Name: Beatrice Michelle Hill Nickname(s): Bea, Detective Hill Age: 29 Occupation: Detective for the Key West P.D. Birthday: January 14th Zodiac: Capricorn Sexual Orientation: Bisexual Residence: Newtown Apartments

- F A M I L Y -

Father: Rodney Hill Mother: Angela Hill Siblings: Two older siblings, three younger Children: 11-year-old daughter, Amarie

- B I O -

Bea was born and raised in Key West, Florida, alongside her five siblings in the Grotto trailer park. A family of eight, crammed into a small and run down three bedroom trailer had been the definition of stifling, with hardly any room for one’s privacy. She shared a room with her two sisters younger sisters, with her lording the top bunk over the younger ones’ heads.

Her father had been the captain of a small tour boat down at the Port of Key West - it didn’t bring in a whole lot of money but he loved his job. Boats were his life, having served in the navy as a sailor back in the day. Her mother had been a hair dresser.

Although the large family didn’t have much, they did have each other which was far more important. Their parents did the best they could to instill religion and good values and morals upon their children. They attended church every Sunday, even doing Sunday school and bible studies, and though Bea never really fully committed to the whole religious thing, she still held some beliefs and some faith. As an adult, she rarely attended services, except for on Easter and Christmas, when she would meet up with her family. It was a tradition.

During her teen age years, Bea was known to party and party a lot. She experimented quite heavily with alcohol, drugs, sex and her own sexuality; She had never had a lack of confidence and had always been quite impulsive. By the time she was eighteen, her recklessness came and bit her in the ass because she ended up falling pregnant.

In the face of her pregnancy, she grew smarter with her lifestyle choices. Bea quit doing drugs and during her pregnancy she didn’t touch an ounce of alcohol, which was a monumental feat because she loved to drink. Not long after finding out that she was with child, she then moved out of her parents’ home and in with her boyfriend, Jamal.

They’d only been dating for a few months prior but agreed to try and make their relationship work for the sake of their child. They never got married, despite Jamal asking multiple times, and that did put some strain on their relationship. Bea loved Jamal but she didn’t want to get married. 

Two years after their their daughter Amarie born, and at the age of 21, Bea joined the police academy and roughly six months later, officially became an officer for the Key West P.D., with the ambition and future goal in mind to become a detective. She was determined and willing to work her ass off in the meantime, to earn that coveted promotion.

It was after she became a police officer that problems within her and Jamal’s relationship really began to surface. She often worked a lot of overtime, most holidays and weekends and the night shifts on top of that, so Bea tended to come home just as Jamal was leaving for his own job. They were on two completely different schedules and quality time was pretty much non existent, which definitely didn’t help the situation.

This went on for a few more years, until finally, after seven years of being together, the couple eventually and in a shockingly amicable manner agreed to call it quits for good.

With a shared custody agreement over Amarie, Bea moved out and got an apartment, which is where she now resides, with her daughter and her youngest sibling.

She and Jamal still are in touch with each other, thanks to Amarie, and there is still some negative tension between them - mostly over how much Bea works, especially now that she was a detective. For the most part, though, they get along much better nowadays, and while there might even be some feelings still between them, neither want to open that can of worms again.

- W A N T E D   C O N N E C T I O N S -

Five (5) Siblings - two older brothers, one younger, and two younger sisters...although I’m more than willing to adjust that. Ages range between 32-36 for the two older brothers and 22-28 for the three younger siblings.

Ex-Boyfriend / Father of Amarie (Jamal, but his name can definitely be changed) - They began dating when Bea was 18 and split when she was 25, so they’d been together a total of seven years. FC Suggestions: Charles Michael Davis, Michael B. Jordan, Lakeith Stanfield, UTP

Best friends - she’s been in the Keys her entire life, so she should have a few strong connections.

Grotto history - she grew up in the Grotto, so chances are she knows quite a few of the people who have been there a while.

Fellow P.D. - police officers, detectives, etc.

Drinking buddies

Love Interests

Flings (past or current)

People she’s arrested, maybe

People she’s investigating / suspicious of

Neighbors

[bigfan-fanfic]

Has someone already asked for a Fluffy ABC's with Dick Grayson?? :o

Not yet, but let’s do it!

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Dick loves being around you, no matter what you do. But he likes making every time he gets with you special. He’s got boundless energy, so he’ll take you to one of those parkour gym places where everything’s foam, or to the roller rink, or to the movies, or somewhere exciting. Even if you want to spend the day or night in, he’ll go all out building you a pillow palace for cuddles.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Dick is the type of person who finds kindness and positivity beautiful. He loves to see you smile, especially when it’s because of him.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Dick knows a bunch of tricks for helping you get past a panic attack. He’s also more than willing to share about his own experiences with them if it helps.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Really simple. Married, maybe some kids, just taking it slow and being happy.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Dick is also for being equal. He always wants your opinion, to the point of being a little bit passive at times.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

He hates fighting with you, and will cave unless it’s something he really believes in.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

YES. He wants to thank you every day just for being there, but he settles for being his super-affectionate self.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

It gets to the point that Bruce considers not telling him things because basically you know everything he does. He cannot hide the truth or lie to you, and he doesn’t want to.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Dick is completely touch and affection-starved when you two get together, and you help him by giving him the support, love, and connection he needs. And in return he will try his best to be the single best boyfriend you could ask for.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

He trusts you completely, so he has no drive to get jealous. Sometimes he’ll act like it for some - ahem - roleplay, but he’s not a jealous guy.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

He’s a really good kisser. He never is satisfied with just one kiss: it leads up to the lips by kissing your neck, or along your jaw line, or starting with one on your forehead.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Maybe with a song that he made up. Or just one day he’ll look to you and say seriously, “I love you. I love you so, so much.”

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Dick just wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Whether or not you want to marry is up to you. But if you communicate that you’d like to get married, he will put his heart into an epic proposal. Expect waterfalls of flowers, maybe a flash mob, the rest of the Batfam will probably be there, Superman will do skywriting - the works.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

“Sweetie,” “Honey,” “My Darling,” “Sweet Thang,” “Cutie,” among others.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Dick is over the moon. On patrol, he does more acrobatic flips than usual, and he may or may not begin to skip when he thinks about you.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Dick will talk about you a lot. Generally about how he thinks you’re the absolute best. And he kisses you no matter what, although he’s a gentleman about it.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

Dick is able to snuggle you without waking you up. This is helpful when you fall asleep and he gets in from patrol late. He’ll slide in, and you’ll wake up to cuddles.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

He’s a sappy, cliched romantic, but sincere about it. He wants to give you a fairy-tale romance because that’s what he thinks you deserve. But the most romantic things are how he is so helpful and supportive of you, just because.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Oh yeah. To Dick, your goals are his goals, too. He believes in you so hard.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

He’s up for anything, wanting an equal relationship. So while you’ll often have fun dates and spontaneous activities, you’ll also be spending plenty of time lazing around at home, enjoying each other’s company.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

He gets to know you really well. If you’re in a relationship, you’re probably one of his best friends already. So he knows your moods and expressions. He’ll be offering you a pillow and his arms when you’ve had a rough day, and a smile when you’re happy.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

He values you so highly, he’ll even stop patrol for you, no matter how much Bruce might guilt trip him.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

Dick is king of massages. He needs only lay his hands on you for about a minute or so before you feel all your tension draining away.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Yesssss. This touch-starved baby needs a daily hug, at the least. He’s almost addicted to affection. His standard greeting is a hug and kiss to you. And cuddling? He may just be part teddy bear.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

One of the only things that can make the cheerful Dick sad is being away from you for long periods of time. He hates being away from you.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Great lengths? Try any lengths. He’s utterly committed to the relationship, and to you.

[unwilling-survivor]

Lately I’ve been considering why I enjoy writing with the people I write with. Here are some things I love about my writing partners (excuse me if things seem repetitive; it’s late):

1) collaboration

Basically, we’re working together. With my favorite writing partners, we talk a lot out of character. We work together, plotting, sharing “oh yknow what might be cool,” and really making every story a collaborative effort. It’s not about one character coming out on top, and when it is, it’s discussed and determined ahead of time. My expectations are set exactly where they should be. I can say “hey, what’s your goal in this scene” and we can work toward it together.

2) cooperation, not competition

One of my few complaints with partners I’ve had in the past (and this is my whole past, keep in mind I’ve been doing this on and off over fifteen years) is a focus on making their character the winner, even when there is no fight. Frequently this comes out as godmoding or blindsiding their partner with unagreed upon actions or reactions. Sometimes, this is in a fight, and it manifests as a character being OP or, essentially, negating any attack against them. Dodging every strike like it doesn’t matter, ignoring all mind games because they (in character) know better.

If you are going to win no matter what, there is no point in fighting. Or, perhaps, the only point in fighting is the losing character exhibiting determination in the face of futile odds. My number one pet peeve is a character that refuses to be affected by other characters. All characters have insecurities and weaknesses. Not just the big stuff, but little things too. Ignoring your rp partner in favor of pushing your own narrative is not role playing, it’s fanfiction of your own character. By that, I mean there is no reason to even have a writing partner if your characters aren’t having an effect on each other. (You can probably tell this is my number one pet peeve.)

I am lucky enough to have writing partners that really cooperate instead of competing. Even when my character is losing (and Sam so often does), she’s making some kind of impact. Even the strongest characters are still affected by other characters. Perhaps merely inconvenienced or annoyed, but they don’t just shrug them off. (I could vent about this for pages, honestly, my point is only that I am thankful to have partners who avoid this issue.)

3) enthusiasm

My partners are invested in our work together. I’m happy to have that. I like that we want to talk about things because we’re excited to see where things go and/or excited to see things come to fruition.

4) motivated? aspirational? Not sure what to call it, honestly

We have goals, plots, arcs we want to make happen. Maybe it’s because I love drama, but I like my threads to have purpose (...even if that purpose is just smut). Slice of life threads are rare for me (though I do love pre-established relationships for happenings offscreen that I don’t think would be interesting to write). I like high stakes, and I am so happy to have writing partners who also enjoy that. Big stories. I like big stories. The fact that my partners and I have joked about watching the show of our characters? That feels like a good sign that things are interesting and have both stakes and pacing.

5) in a similar vein: self-indulgent

Introduction threads were fun when I was younger, but I grew old and highly self-indulgent. My attention span is short, my time is limited, and I’d rather have three threads I’m super enthusiastic about than ten I’m not particularly invested in. Yes, I know, many people probably can frown at my writing— it’s fair, I’m very ship-centric, but it’s because I know what I get excited about. I know my niche and my preferences, and those are romance, angst (particularly hurt/comfort), smut, and violence/horror. Of course I won’t knock others for their preferences - and sometimes really enjoy reading other types of threads - but it’s also unlikely I’ll actively engage in that sort of content (jokey threads, for instance).

As stated before, I LOVE pre-established relationships offscreen - allies, casual friends, co-workers, etc. - but I’m writing a tv show in my head. How often does a tv show include a water cooler scene that isn’t about furthering a larger plot? That is how I feel about a lot of low-stakes threads. I am therefor spoiled by partners willing to indulge me in drama that plays to my interests. That’s not to say every idea I have fits or works, but I adore that more often than not, when I suggest complicating things, the idea is legitimately considered, maybe tweaked, and (potentially) added.

6) F L O W

I adore my partners for creating stories that connect and flow. We have timelines where threads affect each other. For instance, in archiving for my main tumblr-verse ship, I can trace the acts. Not only can I trace the acts of the relationship, I am drawing the relationship development through events between the characters but also between other characters.

For a specific example, I’m talking about Jam. In compiling the third act of their relationship - what Reggie and I lovingly referred to as “the trauma thread” among other things - I had to include 1) art of a photo sent ic to another love interest, 2) Bass’s retaliation for that photo on Sam, 3) Bass’s retaliation for that photo on Jed, 4) Sam’s separate interaction in which she killed someone for the first time (Julie, who was referencing a previous thread), and then, finally, 5) the thread where both Jed and Sam, feeling broken from their experiences, recognized something different in the other. So, not just the thread of the two of them interacting, but the events that combined to give that thread weight.

Anyway. My point is, with such a long post: I am very greatful to the amazing partners I’ve had. I’d love to have more partners that hold to similar rp goals and values.

[thewritingginger]

A-Z Fluff Alphabet - Beelzebub

I’ve been playing Obey Me for about a few weeks

So of course I wanted to try writing for our demon boys :3 

Enjoy~

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

- Eat! Beel doesn't just enjoy eating with his s/o, he also really loves cooking with them and trying new recipes.

- Besides eating and cooking he like going for walks in the park or going to amusement parks (if there is one in town) riding all the rollercoasters and trying the fair food.

- But he can do anything with his partner, just as long as he has them with him he's a happy boy

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

- Personality wise Beelzebub really admires your generosity and helpfulness.

- Beelzebub thinks your smile is the most beautiful, he cant help but find a smile grace his face when he see yours.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

- May not always know what to do or say but is always there to be a shoulder to cry on and do whatever he can to help his s/o

- Will hold you in his strong arms against his chest running his fingers through your hair

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

- Beel pictures having a gang of kids with his s/o, maybe w/ a pet or two all raised happily in a beautiful home in Devildom 

- Days filled with happy and exciting memories, and nights overflowing with laughter, good food and family time.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

- I think Beelzebub has a healthy mix of both passive and dominant. It just depends on the situation. 

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

- Depending what the fight was about will change how angry he gets and how long it takes him to cool off. But once he is calmed down and the air is cleared between both him and his s/o he will forgive him partner.

- If Beel feels really upset and the fight is getting quite heated he will leave to calm down alone before he can come back and talk about it and resolve it.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

- Beel is grateful to have someone willing to constantly make him food, ok not just for that 

- It wasn't until one night he was sitting in bed that when he looked down at his sleeping s/o that it really set in what he had and what they brought into his life.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

- Beelzebub shares most things with my s/o 

- It might take a bit of time to confess something embarrassing or something he's nervous to bring up or say

- But it will always come out in the end, would never hide important or serious things for forever

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

- His s/o greatly helped him have peace with stuff that happened in the past and overcome bad memories.

- Helped him to stop blaming himself 

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

- Does get jealous easily but not the worst of of the brothers

- Might be the one to puff out his chest if the situation calls for it 

- Can be quite territorial of his s/o

- Might get pouty 

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

- A very good kisser, soft and sentimental 

- The first kiss shared between him and his s/o was nerve wrecking for him. Was tender little kiss nothing crazy. Once it was done it felt like a huge weight off of his shoulders.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

- It kinda just came out in the moment 

- He and his s/o were on a little picnic and everything just was perfect. They were laughing and his s/o was just so beautiful and everything felt perfect that he just said it absent minded.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

- Beel does want to get married.

- I think he would propose in a more private setting. EX: In your shared bed room/at home, maybe on a cute date (a picnic or star gazing), or “your place”

- Your marriage with Beelzebub would involve cooking family dinners together, sentimental moments, and lots of quality time cuddling

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

- Nicknames you call him: Beely, | Bubzy, | Baby, | Your Hungry Boy, |

-  Nicknames he calls you: Babe, | His little ‘Dumpling’, | 

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

- When Beelzebub is in love he very loving and cuddly 

- If has a secret love (hasn't confessed) he will share/offer to share his snacks, and a bit shy.

- He isn't overtly obvious to others but can raise a few flags to others he might like/love someone like when he shares his food or blushes 

- Beelzebub expresses his feelings more with actions than words 

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

- Beelzebub isn't afraid to show affection in public or around others but more so with holding hands/ arm around their shoulder, nuzzling and hugs; arms wrapped behind them with his head resting on theirs (EX: while standing around waiting somewhere) and maybe quick kisses here and there but nothing more than pecks. 

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

- Is being tall an ability . . .  yes!!!

- Having a a big boy you always have someone to get things off the top shelf or lift you up in his strong arms

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

- Beelzebub is on a scale for 1-10 about a 6 or 7 when it comes to being romantic.

- He tries to do romantic gestures but it sometimes doesn't play out like he thought. 

- For example; On your anniversary he wanted to make you dinner with dessert and everything. Everything was going swimmingly, the food turned out how he wanted it, the table was set nicely, and he was dressed to impress. Nothing when wrong till he accidentally bumped the glass of wine he was pouring for you and spilt it onto the table, and you. Saying he was a bit embarrassed is a bit of an understatement. 

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

- Beel just wants his partner to be happy and so supporting them in there dreams whether that's of a specific job/going to school or mental and physical goals and everything else in between.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

- Whether you’re talking about food or your relationship, Beelzebub likes to spice things up from time to time. Is open to new experiences as long as his s/o there to experience it with him.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

- Beel is a very good listener 

- May not always know what to do or say but is always there to be a shoulder to cry on and 

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

- His s/o is his world

- His s/o is the only person that he feels comfortable and safe telling everything to without fear of judgment and being made fun of

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

- When his s/o gets sick he pampers them and tries to help them feel better by, making Lots of food wants to make sure that they don't miss a meal, running them a hot bath, putting a cold rag on their head if they have a fever, snuggling for hours with his big arms around them to keep them warm and anything that his s/o needs they just ask.

- “Are you feeling okey?” | “Are you hungry?” | “I’ll help warm you up.” |

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

- Beel may be a big guy but he is very affectionate with his s/o.

- Just holding his partner to his is enough for him, feeling their warmth on him is really comforting 

- loves it when his s/o gives him little kisses, whether on his lips, face, or neck. 

- A quick peck is enough to warm his whole chest and feel happy 

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

- When he misses his partner (like if they haven't seen each other all day or they are away for a trip) he’ll text &/or call them to talk for a bit 

- “Whatcha up to?” | “Want to get something to eat together when you get home?” |

OR

- If he knows they can't talk at the moment (busy with school or work, etc) he’ll text them something cute and earnest, to read when they’re done.

- “I know you cant talk right now so I just want to tell you that I miss you and I cant wait till you get back so I can hold you in my arms.” | “I love you~” |

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

- If he really loves his s/o he is willing to do anything to make them happy and to have them in his life

[excorcismic]

you ever have that one muse that’s just like . . . no matter how many characters you play , not matter how much time goes by , you will never get sick of writing that muse & they’re such a huge comfort character and mean the world to you ?? YES , that’s me with miss zelda here . i . . . love zelda ( the character and the series ) with every fiber of my being and after a lot of debate i finally decided i’d bring her here !! i’m doing leon’s intro next and will try to get to replies ( want to get down zel’s intro soon but i’d like to plot things first ) afterwards but pls pls pls here’s a detailed plotting call for my princess !! pls like / react if you’re interested - or let me know if we’re already plotting !!

IN A CANON NUTSHELL : so this zelda is the princess from the masterpiece known as breath of the wild - one hundred years before the events of the game , she was kind of the ‘leader’ of the champions , a group of people who were tasked to aid in protecting hyrule once calamity ganon rose again . link , who was also a champion , was assigned as her personal knight - in the beginning . . . she did not like him for the fact that he seemed to have everything under control and she didn’t . why ?? well , zelda , from birth , was told she had to unlock a power in herself that would potentially save hyrule from the calamity , and for some reason , no matter how hard she tried , she couldn’t do it . and she was mad at herself for feeling like a failure when she was put under an intense amount of pressure from her father & the prophecy - even called the heir to a throne of nothing because of how no results came from her ceaseless prayers . EVENTUALLY , her powers would reveal themselves . . . but only after the calamity arrived , all of the champions had been downed ( save for link , on the verge of death ) , and all seemed lost . but she would use her power to protect hyrule & keep the calamity contained inside hyrule castle until link would awaken and finish him off .

IN AN ALUCARD NUTSHELL : so zelda . daughter of a preacher ( father ) & a lawyer ( mother , now deceased ) , always expected to be the picture perfect child hence why she never got much of a chance to have a break from endless studying & extra things . she’s always been a straight-a student , has done fencing since she was a child , trilingual in english spanish & mandarin chinese , now a star college student majoring in biology ( her own choice , because she loves science ) and minoring in law ( because her father wants her to be a lawyer like her mother & she uhh hates it ! ) she’s seen as ‘little miss perfect’ because she can do so much and never seems to do any wrong but zelda is uhhh sick of that and is actually now trying to rebel against her father and throw herself into trouble . since lowkey all of this shit is killing her and she wants to breathe freely . she’s trying to do what she wants to do hence why she’s majoring in bio instead of law , working at the local florist instead of taking a law internship , actually trying to pursue a social life outside of the people her dad approves of . that stuff . she’s basically a genius who wants to say ‘fuck u’ to the people telling her what to do and go on her own path and i think that’s sexy .

BUT OHHHHHHHHHH YOU WANNA PLOT WITH ZELDA SO BAD OHHHHHHH

so zelda . given her situation ?? there is so much to work with . lemme spout off these ideas bc i’m so fucking excited .

firstly - people who know about her little miss perfect reputation and either dislike her or are intimidated by her for it . zelda isn’t a snob in the slightest but with someone who does as much as she does it’s only natural to assume she is . but she isn’t , i promise ; she hates that being her epithet .

kind of building off the idea of people knowing abt her whole ‘lmp’ thing - i’d love some folks who actually entertain zelda’s desires to break away from that and take her out to do rebellious shit or something like that !! because zelda wants to get the fuck out she hates it here .

some who encourage her and some who do the opposite - ‘you can do it, don’t be scared’ vs. ‘you really don’t belong here so go back to your books and pencils’

maybe ppl who hold zelda to some sort of pedestal bc of her reputation ?? which is equally as bad to her - she’s lowkey crumbling under all these expectations and she’s amazing but to be seen as someone . . . above other people , she doesn’t like that at all .

also those folks who in any grade of school rly have tried to exploit her need to get good grades & genius to their advantage aka if i pair up with the smart kid we’ll get an a guaranteed . can be anywhere - could’ve been in the past or could be now . 

CLASSMATES in general . from elementary , middle school , high school for the past , and now college classmates .

study buddies !! study buddies that zelda either vibes with immensely in terms of how she works or butts heads with them . her way of thinking is both incredibly organized but also all over the place . she can be either very easy or difficult to work with .

gimme some school rivals or equals aka ppl that zelda’s on par with in terms of intellect/grades and either they fucking hate each other or make a pretty good team . maybe both ! put the smart ppl in a room together and see what happens .

also want to clarify this can be on both the bio or law side for any of these college-based connections bc zelda is taking both she’s just . way more passionate about biology than she is law .

OLD FENCING TEAMMATES OR RIVALS PLEASE yes she is still fencing to this day and she’s awesome at it . she’s got a shitton of medals and she actually likes it but it’s another thing that was forced upon her since she was young .

her dad is a local preacher so by nature she’s always expected to be at church so ppl who know her as the preacher’s daughter/from church bc imma keep it real zelda ain’t that enthused abt that religion either but again . once again have to fill father’s expectations . one day tho she’s just gonna stop showing up .

i’d like maybe a social circle who zelda’s father approves of ?? like , friends who zelda has but they’re more so just bc that’s what mr. king wanted . i’d also like a partner/ex-partner to fit this description aka zelda’s not rly that into it or was into it bc it was again . kinda just ‘i’m just dating you bc my dad approves of you’ kinda deal and maybe she tried but overall . didn’t/doesn’t work .

i also , though , like the idea of a social circle who zelda’s father would never approve of and she hangs w/ them bc maybe she likes them or maybe she also just wants to prove a point . maybe she dated someone for this reason too - just the whole spectrum of ‘what dad wants vs. what dad wasn’t’ bc pissing off her dad is kind of a major goal at this point .

so maybe regular customers of the flower shop she works at - she just . zelda rly loves flowers & nature ( and again science as a whole , especially life science hence biology ) and she can go off on so many tangent about flowers please talk to her about flowers . maybe even bring her some flowers too jk unless

i’d rly find it awesome if zelda had some ppl who maybe liked her enough to follow her when she goes out just studying things and listen to her bc she loves to talk about her passions - she likes taking hikes and trips out into nature or the botanical gardens and stuff like that to do studies / experiments of her own . she likes museums , gardens , the outdoors - zelda loves knowledge and learning about things and if someone just kept her company while she did so that’d be awesome .

i’m a sucker for canon parallels with non-canon characters so . maybe a relationship that doesn’t rly have any specificity in what portion of zelda’s life ( school , father approved social circle , father disapproved social circle , night life etc etc ) but mirrors her relationship with link in breath of the wild - for whatever reason , zelda and this other character are around each other very frequently and the beginning for some reason she is very put off by it but then comes around and eventually this muse , they become extremely closer with her and important to her . in any way !! idk if it’s platonic or romantic but , in rps like this that’s lowkey my jam but it works the best with miss zelda

AS ALWAYS - friends ! enemies !  former crushes ! exes ! gimme anything and all !! the princess of hyrule is AT YOUR SERVICE and i’m so excited to write her . i love her .

and now . . . onto leon’s intro i hopefully go .

[theworldinclines]

yo! i've been following your tumblr mostly just for cql because aha :^) you know how it is :^) but it's left a void in my chest. i know you rb a lot of content for other shows, so i figured i'd ask you for some recs (and the best places to watch them uwu)!! thanks so much i'd die for u

Hello anon!! I totally get you 💀 I’m gonna assume that you want me to rec BLs, so I’ll tell you only the ones that I’ve liked best and why, where I watched them, and possible trigger warnings as well for you :)

So first up is my favorite: Theory of Love

Who stars in it: Off Jumpol (as Kai) and Gun Atthaphan (as Third), aka OffGun, aka icons and best friends who we stan to this very day

Why I recommend: I adore this show for so many reasons but overall the vibe is just so good dfhkhkhj It references like a trillion rom-coms and I won’t spoil it but there is a literal montage of some classic rom-com scenes done by the main characters that is just so fucking hysterical, I cry every time. There’s also a compilation here of movie posters that they recreated to imitate some classic rom-coms as well, which made me DIE from emotions I tell you what. This show is just so funny and makes fun of itself with characters that you genuinely grow to adore. Kai is a chaotic dumb of ass bisexual and we love him in this house (as infuriating as he can be lmfao). It’s so rewatchable GOD 10/10 would recommend.

Warnings: There is no sexual abuse in the show of any kind, except for one scene that is just a kiss and very mild, so I think you’d be all good there. :)

Where to watch: I watched it on YouTube! Here’s the link to episode one part one

History3: Trapped

Who stars in it: Jake Hsu (plays Shao Fei) and Chris Wu (plays Tang Yi), aka weirdos who can’t stop laughing while filming and being dumb in general and I love that for them and me

Why I recommend: I loved it. The main couple is adorable with so much chemistry and I will be totally honest, they remind me SO MUCH of Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian. Like on the rewatch I just did of this show, I couldn’t believe the similarities the character Shao Fei has to Wei Wuxian and his counterpart Tang Yi has to Lan Wangji. Like. When I tell you I was shook the house, I mean it. But the side couple is ALSO iconic the house and the CUTEST like if you don’t want to adopt Zhao Zi and also officiate his wedding by the show’s end, I’d be shocked dfhhkghdjkl All in all, it’s such a funny show with very tender, heartfelt moments that are to die for. This show has it all: plot twists, cops falling in love with mobsters and vice versa, a character whose goal in life is to just eat as much good food as possible… amazing.

Warnings: The show has fighting and violence but seeing as you watched The Untamed, I’m assuming you’re okay with it lol There is an instance where one character tries to rape one of the leads by drugging him, so keep an eye out for that, but I think it will be obvious because he starts to pass out and you will know whether you feel you have to skip the scene or not. He isn’t undressed, it isn’t anything remotely graphic, but he is groped by the asshole I won’t name man fuck that guy but that’s all!

Where to watch: I watched it on newasiantv, link to ep1 here

Dark Blue Kiss

Who stars in it: Fluke Gawin Caskey (Mork) and Podd Suphakorn (Sun) aka two of the most gorgeous and sweet dudes alive fdhgldfhgdk AND BL vets, New Thitipoom (Kao) and Tay Tawan (Pete)

First off: dshhgdksj If you haven’t seen Kiss Me Again or Kiss the Series you might be a little confused. Dark Blue Kiss is sort-of-a-continuation-but-not-really of those other two series, and it sort of adds to the experience if you have seen them. If you want to, just watch Kiss Me Again and I think you’ll be okay honestly; it’s just because you might want context of the characters (Pete and Kao, their friends etc.) and their relationships to one another going into Dark Blue Kiss.

Why I recommend: NOW two of the leads, Sun and Mork, have one of The Best relationships in any BL I’ve ever seen because they have real conversations and have real conflict and issues that they work to get through. Rain (Sun’s younger bro and Mork’s bestie) is an absolute delight and their story arc throughout the show is so iconic we just have to stan. I won’t get into Kao and Pete fhhkhdj because I just have Opinions on fucking w characters/relationships for the sake of drama and that’s what I think this series did to them, unnecessarily ahem But otherwise it’s funny and real and again if you dont literally love Mork and Rain and Sun by the end of it did you even watch the same show???

Warnings: There is a brief scene where one character tries to get w another who is like get tf AWAY weirdo lmfao but there is no actual abuse bc they are stopped well in time to avoid it

Where to watch: I watched Dark Blue Kiss on newasiantv as well because the episodes on YouTube tended to not get subbed as quickly as I wanted which you will understand if you watch this lmao. Here is the link to episode one of Kiss Me Again as well as a link to episode one of Kiss the Series if you feel like watchin those two beforehand

Tharntype the Series

Who stars in it: Gulf Kanawut (Type) and Mew Suppasit (Tharn) aka those two guys who you might see do a shit ton of fanservice that I diligently ignore because I hate fanservice lol This show exists in the same universe as another BL that I am reluctant to put on here lol but will get into later on.

Why I recommend: BEFORE YALL FLAY ME ALIVE djkhgldhgfdjhhkjd OKAY LISTEN genuinely, on a very real level, I FULLY understand why a lot of people here refused to watch this show or couldn’t finish it. You’re totally valid and legit I almost stopped after ten minutes because I was like here we go AGAIN. However! I was so drawn in by the acting that I wanted to give it a chance, and I’m SO GLAD that I did. Gulf and Mew, as well as Mild (who plays Techno) and Kaownah (who plays Lhong) and everyone else who acts in this show, is incredible and their chemistry is insane. I would say it’s some of the best chemistry and acting I’ve seen, BL or otherwise. You get angry at the two main characters interchangeably and I truly feel that that makes it real, you know what I mean? There is no oh he’s in the right, fuck that other guy 100% for either of them. They are both real, flawed men who grow so immensely throughout this series where by the end you’re so proud of their development and the love they find for themselves and in each other??? Because it doesn’t feel like we’ll get there, but they DO. And it’s BEAUTIFUL. We’re getting a second season, which to me is always a tad worrisome because I do think it ended very well and if they fuck with everything (cough KaoPete) just to fuck with it and stir the pot I’m gonna be Upset. But for now, it’s amazing and speaks on topics that aren’t ever addressed. It’s an unfortunate reality in BL that the way so many relationships begin is through sketchy-consensual (drunk, coerced) or flat out like non consensual sexual shit, and this show dives into the aftermath of sexual abuse, the mental impact that has on a person, and how damaging it can be if left unattended. I would give it a chance. I really do think it’s a well done series. Oh and Techno is so relatable and the only one with a brain cell in this show half the time jkdfhhdlkj

Warnings: Like I said, this show is not an easy watch at times. Very often, in fact, it can be difficult. There is homophobic language, two of the characters (I dont want to spoil everything) have been raped in the past, one as a child (which is NOT GRAPHICALLY SHOWN, don’t worry) and the other as a teenager/young adult, which is sort of shown but not in too much detail. Another character in present day “does stuff” to another that isn’t totally consensual, more than once (which is probably my biggest problem with the show and the one thing I really can’t excuse because like bro I don’t care how big your crush is, don’t be an asshole, point blank), but every other sexual thing in the show is consensual and very much wanted

Where to watch: Here is episode one on newasiantv if you want to give this a shot :)

He’s Coming to Me

Who stars in it: Singto Prachaya (Mes) and Ohm Pawat (Thun) aka just two adorable boys

Why I recommend: This show definitely has one of the more unique plots among BLs. I won’t spoil it, and as with all of these I recommend going in without looking up plots because like I know for me movie trailers etc just tell me everything and there doesn’t seem to be a point in watching the movie if I know so much beforehand. The main characters are cute together, there are funny moments and moments that make you cry. And it’s a happy ending, which we love to see :)

Warnings: There is a major character death, no blood though, and you will understand in context that it isn’t as bad as it seems right now lol Nothing that isn’t consensual, which is a miracle in these shows. Overall wholesome content. There is like a weird storyline with one of the character’s moms which was Different to say the least dfjhdflhgkjf but it didn’t ruin the show for me or anything

Where to watch: newasiantv seems to be my go-to lmao

3 Will Be Free

Who stars in it: Joss Way-Ar (Neo), Mild Lapassalan (Miw), and Tay Tawan (Shin). If you watch Dark Blue Kiss or any of those before this, you will recognize Tay and Mild as Pete and Sandee (just friends in those shows). Joss is just such a funny, sweet guy and so is Tay Lowkey biased for them and I honestly often favor TayJoss’ chemistry over TayNew, which I think is controversial lmfaoo but it has to be said lol and obviously Mild is a badass actress and talent so having her here is amazing

Why I recommend: So this is the only BL thus far to feature a polyamorous relationship, which is sort of crazy but I’m so happy it’s been done at least once now. The three have such amazing chemistry and you really grow to care for each of them as individuals as well. They’re just really awesome and I adore them and miss them every day fdjghfdglhkjd There’s also a trans actress!! :D

Warnings: There is quite a bit of gun violence bc one of the character’s father’s is a mob boss. Two side characters are killed, one much further into the show so it hurts even MORE, and one of the other side characters therefore to me doesn’t receive the ending they deserve; it was very messy and I think they deserved better. A woman is in an abusive marriage to a man, which sucked and I skipped a lot of it even though it wasn’t necessarily super violent. I just don’t like that stuff ://

Where to watch: Surprise surprise, newasiantv

Until We Meet Again

Who stars in it: Fluke Natouch (Pharm) and Ohm Thitiwat (Dean), Earth Katsamonnat (Intouch) and Nine Noppakao (Korn). Fluke and Earth invented being friends like……they are so fucking cute and they are both actually queer (have been in public relationships with men) which is always so rare to see and really great :)

Why I recommend: Side couple TeamWin is absolutely iconic. I adore them with my whole body so if for nothing else, watch it for them LMAO But for real InKorn is such a cute couple and PharmDean has a very nice relationship too; they talk about consent and have healthy communication which is so refreshing lmao

Warnings: The show does open with a double suicide by gunshot. I won’t say who, but it is in there. The two main characters have flashbacks/PTSD/nightmares (one worse than the other) which you will understand in context if you watch, but it’s definitely worth the watch

Where to watch: This show is currently airing and I watch it on YouTube; here’s the link to episode one part one

Love By Chance

Who stars in it: Perth Tanapon (Ae) and Saint Suppapong (Pete), Mean Phiravich (Tin) and Plan Rathavit (Can). This is the show that is in the same universe as Tharntype, but the actors who play Techno, Tharn, and Type are different actors in this show than from Tharntype. It’s confusing and messy lol

Warning: I’m putting this before the why I like it because I think it’s necessary for this one. I hesitate to even put LBC on here because there is so much of this show that just makes me uncomfortable. When I first watched this show, the second BL I had ever watched, I had no knowledge of BLs, the actors, or really anything to do with any of this world. So, having grown up with film/tv life where every actor is 27 playing 17, it didn’t occur to me that the actor playing 18 would in fact be 17 instead. Perth was I think 17 or possibly 18 while filming (I don’t know exact dates), which includes sexual scenes that I didn’t even feel comfortable watching BEFORE I knew his age, let alone trying to rewatch the series while knowing about it. I am 20, and was 19 last year when I watched this, so it really skeeves me out to watch those kinds of scenes (BL or otherwise) if actors or actresses aren’t at least 18 or 19. It seems weird because I’m 20 and a queer girl, not like a 50 year old pedophile or something like that, but for my own comfort I tend to skip the more explicit stuff. On my first watch, I skipped the Tharntype, TumTar, and Techno storyline because frankly I didn’t care. Going on to watch Tharntype the Series, I was even happier to have skipped so that I didn’t have to go in with a preconceived idea of the characters from having watched LBC. One of the characters in this version of events is raped or coerced into sex; I don’t even know the details because I just couldn’t be bothered to give it a chance. I firmly believe you can watch this show without watching any of their storylines (and skipping over the more sexual stuff, if you feel you have to), which I know sucks to say bc the actors are all good and I like their other work and them as people, but I just couldn’t do it. It is of course up to you.

Why I recommend: Basically I recommend this just for TinCan lmao and on the chance that you do decide to watch Tharntype, it pays at the end to have a knowledge of the LBC characters because again they are in the same universe and it won’t be as cool if you don’t get it right away like WHAT!!! You know haha so yeah There is going to be a season two dropped sometime this year, focused I believe on TinCan, so I’m literally so fucking excited. Dreams are coming true

Where to watch: I found this show on both Dailymotion and newasiantv

Hey again anon it’s been a minute dfhlhghjd I’m sure this is way longer than you thought and probably don’t want HA but I wanted to be as thorough as possible for you and anyone else who might be new here you feel So some shows I didn’t get into that I watched include Great Men Academy, Together With Me, 2Moons and 2Moons2, Love Sick, ’Cause You’re My Boy (aka My Tee), History3: Make Our Days Count, SOTUS the Series, History2: Crossing the Line, (currently airing) Why R U?, and 2gether.

If you get through the ones I talked about above and want me to talk about these other ones, I’ll do that too!! I hope this helps you and others :D ✌️ ✌️

[cleocazo]

ultimate ship meme: calder n rhea yeehaw

ultimate ship ask meme   /   accepting !

General:

How long will they last? : when i think about them, i think about them going the distance. in spite of anything that comes between them ( usually their own doings, and yes, i’m looking at calder thorson for straight up ghosting ) i like to imagine they find their way back, eventually. 

How quickly did/will they fall in love? : it’s weird, because it happens without either of them even realizing it is. she makes him smile, and he makes her feel… important. they do something for one another that no one else has in a long while, and they become very attached to the feelings they have in each others presence quite quickly - but love, and calling it so, evades them a little while longer. 

How was their first kiss? : long awaited. sexy. awkward. it was the culmination of a lot of mutual pining, and it MEANT something - but it was also a lot very, very fast, and it went very far very quickly, too. their first kiss kicked off their first time ( and rhea’s first, ever ), so… big feels. 

Wedding:

Who proposed? : they live in sin a few years, but eventually i feel it could go either way - but i think it would be very rhea and very sweet for her to propose on leap day, you know… entirely serious, but trying to give the vibe of ‘if you say no, this COULD be just a joke’. it wouldn’t be over the top. she’d try and treat him to something he liked, and she’d probably make a bumbling mess of it, all considered - but she’d get there, and it wouldn’t go horribly bad. he’d try to match it eventually and propose too in his own way ( at the aquarium, a la their first ‘date’? ), but he’d also mess it up a lil even if they were already engaged - so they’d have two wholesome if not funny stories to tell. 

Who is the best man/groomsmen? : i would hope that by this point, the relationship would be… healed, enough, for it to be the remaining next gen. let daniel be best man and rylie and troy be groomsmen, it’s what they deserve. ( if phoebe barton is rocking around, she gets to b flower girl bc i said so )

 Who is the bridesmaid(s) : meghan would be maid of honor by grace of being the only married person that rhea knows, and stephanie would fulfill a more traditional bridesmaid role along with the only friend i can remember rhea having, felicia. 

Who did the most planning? : rhea and jane, together. imagine the bonding sessions to boot.

Who stressed the most? : rhea and jane, haHA.

How fancy was the ceremony? : considering one of them is royalty ( was, probably, at this point ) and the other an asgardian, they went full casual compared to past weddings in their families past. it was a very small gathering, definitely more reflective of them as people. rhea wore the white dress and calder donned a suit, the people fulfilling a role all took them seriously, but their ceremony was in a modest chapel and the afters in a function hall not too far away from. it looked beautiful ( rhea thinks calder’s mum has the best eye for such things she’s ever seen ), but it was done on a small budget.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? : i mean… i don’t think i gotta say loki, but… loki. rhea’s ‘dad’ sure was NOT.  

Sex:

Who is on top? : to b fully honest… they both love rhea being on top. for him i can imagine it being about looking up and seeing her - not to b crass - riding his d*ck. for her, it’s something about the feeling of control. they switch it up because there’s nothing really like the opposite, for rhea ; but… yea ! 

Who is the one to instigate things? : varies too much to have any one answer at their best ( though for a long while, calder ).

How healthy is their sex life? : i would say very.

How kinky are they? : ‘kinky’ is a strong word. they experiment, as they get more comfortable with one another, and as they grow. they try diff things. sometimes they watch some dumb movie, i don’t want to name an actual movie and offend someone so ill just say ‘fifty shades of grey’ and they think ‘oh, that’d be fun to try’ and they do and it ends disastrously, but, like, who am i to judge them-

How long do they normally last? : how is calder’s bedroom stamina affected by him being an asgardian ? does it make it easier for him to last longer ? is he able to get it back up quicker ? i have questions, where are my answers.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? : yes, this is an equal opportunity household.

How rough are they in bed? : depends on the kind of fucking, my friend. both of them enjoy a little bit of roughplay - but that doesn’t mean it’s every time, either. 

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? : a lot. and calder is only the big spoon 40% of the time ! 

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? / How many children will they adopt? : i’m combining two qs in one because… i feel they’d have three full stop, but how many of those are natural / adopted could be up for debate. something to discuss someday !

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? : calder. rhea’s, like… ‘totally fine’ with them, but… also, that’s dad’s job-

Who is the stricter parent? : it honestly varies on child and on the day. o might tell you that it’s calder because he stopped him from doing something wildly stupid, and he’s still pretty butthurt about it. tova might tell you it’s rhea because she didn’t let them dye their hair bright orange when they were nine and they’re still holding a grudge about it. 

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? : honestly… their kids are pretty dumb ( love them ), so… neither? they come home w broken bones or whatever and calder and rhea are like how in the fuck-

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? : rhea ! she never got them as a child, or, u know, basic human affection, so… she packs little notes of affirmation in each one even when they’re old enough to call her cringy, and makes sure they get all their essential nutrients every day.

Who is the more loved parent? : much like the question of who’s stricter - it varies. for the most part the title goes to rhea, not for any particular reason outside of her being more open with her feelings and being more… emotionally present, i suppose the term would be. but tova’s favorite will always be calder, and the boys can vary.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? : they want to go together, but it depends on work for them both and other varying factors.

Who cried the most at graduation? : rhea thinks it was her because she was a blubbering mess, but calder was real up in his emotions about it.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? : rhea never gets the chance, and calder is always first in. 

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? : rhea, after she learns how. not to show my jane stan, but she learns a lot from the most intelligent woman in all the galaxy-

Who is the most picky in their food choice? : pretty decisively rhea.

Who does the grocery shopping? : they take it in turns, but rhea isn’t as trusted doing it - she caves to the kids demands way too easily.

How often do they bake desserts? : once a month or so, but for the most part they are a carton of ice cream in the freezer family.

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? : calder’s a meat lover, rhea went vegetarian sometime in her senior year and never went back.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? : calder ! softie.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? : neither. they like staying in, let them have that peace.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? : calder. absolutely lethal man. only ask him to make soup.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? : calder, for the most part. rhea says its because he can reach all the shelves to stack things / his arms don’t get tired from hoovering / etc.

Who is really against chores? : she’s not against them per say, but rhea doesn’t love ‘em.

Who cleans up after the pets? : oh, that’s a rhea job. she’s the reason they have ‘em, she’s responsible for care.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? : rhea.

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? : also rhea.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? : calder. 

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? : calder with showers, rhea with baths. 

Who takes the dog out for a walk? : rhea is in the routine, but the kids would join her and if he’s around, calder isn’t opposed to it either.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? : rhea goes all out every single year, almost to make up for the fact that calder doesn’t entirely… get the holidays.

What are their goals for the relationship? : happiness ?

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? : rhea, usually. calder if he’s been busy.

Who plays the most pranks? : the kids.

[lilytcyip]

December 31st, 2019

1.3 tera v w/ rjin & ggao

1.4 cactus & la foret w/ jng

1.8 talked it out with jng ; tried to understand that if i were happy, what more could you ask for

1.11 cyns bday dinner

1.11 craft beer w/ aleung & lwong

1.13 arisu & standing egg with efeng & aleung ; drove on highway for the first time

1.18 west dineout w/ annie pkp

1.19 glass w/ fifi

2.10 first snow of the year

2.3 cny lunch at home with the fam - tong yuen & poon choi

2.4 mooseknuckles - grateful

2.5 lunar new year

2.16 hangiout with mamayip & sis: beta 5, fixing the parka, meetfresh, miku sushi dindin

2.17 mom leaving for 2 months, wandering earth with the yips

2.19 happy hour cactus w/ fifi

2.20 kokoro lunch & shopping w/ rjin

2.20 so hyang w/ veda & nwu

2.21 black been noodles & tonkatsu lunch & usagi matcha sweets w/ ewong

2.22 green leaf sushi & grounds for coffee w/ vtan

2.25 sushi mura w/ acao ; larry berg planes and kisses for the first time

3.13 mental health talk w/ nwu & tchiu + jamjar

3.15 virtuous pie & nanas green tea w/ rjin

3.16 wine night w/ claw, aleung & fsyal

3.17 tabom & stanely park w/ jerpilla

3.23 pool & rc shopping with jyang

4.3 studying with jyang on campus & langara bye

4.9 studying with jyang at my house

4.18 ramen danbo & official date 

4.20 so hyang & off the grid waffles w/ ayip

4.26 sci ning off w/ aleung, claw, fsyal, lwong & mcheung

4.27 clay llama terra pot class

4.29 so hyang budae jjigae & yifang w/ ewong

4.30 rc shopping & sushi lover with the yips 

5.1 maenam, kits beach & rain or shiine ice cream w/ rjin

5.2 our first little tiff & being called chubby by mlo

5.3 shopping w/ vchan, aleung & fsyal

5.7-5.11 LA trip

5.8 LACMA & melrose & century city field

5.9 warner bros tour

5.10 malibu

5.28-6.1 hokkaido, japan

5.29 a 2-floor hotel with own onsen

5.31 otaru food adventures

6.1 doraemon painting & royce airport

6.2 macau: got scammed by taxi & lost luggage

6.7-6.15 inner mongolia & beijing

6.18 first co op offer 

6.21 fire port party at fifis house

6.29 pottery painting w lwong, aleung, vchan, fsyal

7.5 brunch w/ rjin at jethro’s fine grub, baker & table

7.6 nwu’s birthday dindin at coast, hangout with aleung & nwu at nightingale

7.14 leavenworth cherries

7.17 brunch w/ rjin at OEB

7.19 nightmarket w/ jyang, mlaw, rjin

7.21 beach day w/ aleung, fsyal & lwong; hy’s with fam

7.24 chau veggies w/ acao

7.27 shiok & icy bar w/ ewong

8.3 first day of work at doctors office

8.4 escape room w/ vchan, fsyal & jyang; bowling & anh and chi

8.17 dindin w/ fsyal, aleung & tlim; double date walks at olympic village with ancas

8.18 - 8.19 kelowna

8.18 polar grove & penticton lazy river, mission hill

8.19 kayaking, quail’s gate

8.24 lit night at fifis house with the girls and boys

8.25 aleung’s bday harrison trip

8.27 work shopping & nuba w/ fsyal

8.28 sleepover w/ rjin

8.29 brunch w/ aleung, moii cafe chill with fsyal too

9.3 first day of co op work

9.7 grave of the fireflies & wildtale cuddles

9.14 eric chou meet & greet

9.19 amandarachlee neg comment and posted my encouragement on her story

10.5 maiko parfait & shopping w/ jyang, earls with the amigos

10.18 gmen & oncecake: melody, rillakuma, card & collage

10.24 dark table w/ rjin

11.7 moii after work 

12.15 baking custard souffle pancakes w/ ewong

12.18 office christmas party & bbt w/ slim

12.19 glow

12.21 fifi’s christmas party

12.22 christmas market w/ rjin: churros & chimney cake

12.23 psyc team secret santa & mahjong

12.25 christmas dindin at market by jean-georges

12.26 birthday dindin at zeferelli

12.27 ring & birthday dinner at brix and mortar w/ jyang

12.28 skated alone, worked out, baked & dindin at botanist

looking back at it now, i definitely went out a lot more compared to previous years LOL i had some struggles in january, and at multiple points in my life i blamed myself for being ungrateful, for seeking more when i already had so much in life compared to other people. my friends were there for me and i wouldnt have been able to live through it without them. then again, during reading break in february, i got myself into the same hot mess and i was sad about it for a week and i blamed myself for getting so attached so quickly. because of these experiences, my expectations were v low and i didnt really expect anything when i talked to jyang, what they say really is true, you get it the moment you stop seeking for it. it comes and find you (: the 3 most important that happened this year is burbur, co op job & me getting more comfortable around doggs; this is a big deal !! i actually like cuddling dogs and i feel less scared of them as long as i have some time to get used to them!! im proud of myself for making progress with my phobia! after i started my co op job, bc i didnt have a lot to do, i felt like i wasnt actively contributing to my workplace and that i was very useless. i still feel the same way now, but i think i am slowly getting used to it. thankfully, my coworkers are VERY nice and i enjoy working around them. while i did not get a different position for january, im still grateful that i got an extended placement. nonetheless, meeting with the different PIs and sumeet pointed me in the right direction of looking for nserc / volunteering opportunities when i do go back to school. AND ofc burbur! im grateful that we were able to be there for each other for the past 8 months, both the ups and downs and i am so so thankful that we’re understanding and patient with each other, as we help each other learn along the way and help each other become a better version of ourselves. this companionship is better than i have asked for and i always remind myself to focus on the important things rather than the minor inconveniences. this year, in terms of fitness goals, ive been doing really well before asia. but ever since i came back, it all went downhill and i gained back all the weight that i lost this year year LOL so in 2020, one of my biggest goal is to eat healthy again, and workout more consistently. getting a job in sept kinda interfered with my progress too, bc i was so tired after work, even when i wasnt doing anything and i stressed eat bc i felt terrible. a lot of diff factors made me feel super stressed, and the fact that i wasnt eating clean / exercising reguarly made me feel worse about the whole situation ): so in 2020, maintaining a healthy lifestyle will be one of my top priorities and gifting myself a healthy body is one of greatest things i can do for myself. this also contributed to the lack of journalling near the end of the year, it felt like bc i wasnt doing the things i was “supposed to do”, i just felt so bad whenever i couldnt tick off that particular habit whenever i fill in my trackers. but tonight, i watched this video and it talked about habits should be for awareness, not for self-hate or self-loathing. this is something that i need to keep in mind. ever since april really, the issue of leaving my house and meeting up with my friends have always stressed me in fear of dealing with passive aggressiveness with my mom lool everytime i get inviited to plans, i just get anxiety about having to tell her about it LOL and even when im out, having a msg/ call for her freaks me out in fear that she will get mad at me for being home late and etc and fifi really woke me up with her words, i should just care less LOL i need to stop caring so much about what she thinks, bc at the end of the day, this IS my life and if i never make any changes, i will never be able to grow and be independent. i think this pree much sums up all my events and emotions in 2019, the last year of the 2010s. in the next decade, a lot of things will happen as i will be in my 20s - 30s, where new opportunities will arise, and graduate uni, do my masters, find a job, maybe even marry and move out LOL the 2020s will definitely be an impt decade, but just for next year i want to:

1. understand that i am old enough to make choices, and in general, care less about what she thinks

2. at the same time, i want to appreciate and be grateful for what my mom, dad and annie have done for me; a lot of the times, i feel like i take them for granted just bc i know they will always be there for me and this is not how you should treat your biggest supporters

3. trust that everything will workout in the end, while you may not be able to envision what you career / life would be like when youre 30, you can definitely take small steps and move towards your goal

4. be mindful of what i eat and exercise regularly (4x hiit & cardio a week) ; treats & sweets in moderation; use those habit trackers for awareness, not for self-loathing / self-hate

5. create art regularly, read more and at least do 5 duolingos every week! 

every year, time just seems to go by faster and faster and i feel scared at times. as i type this, theres only 8 minutes left of this decade LOL so in 2020, continue to live in the moment, be present, cherish those that are around you, and have faith that everything will come together, one piece at a time. at the same time, always rmb that you can make small changes to be a better version of yourself, whenever & however you want and this is the 1 thing that other people can’t stop you from doing! 

[ceylon-tae]

Part 3 of 4 This was going to be a footnote on Part 2 but I have strong feelings about this. A previous version of this post used the term “DDNOS” ( dissociative disorder not otherwise specified) because in 2019, I only had an updated copy of the DSM-IV. In 2020 I obtained a copy of the DSM-V and realized the category name was changed to “OSDD” (other specified dissociative disorder). I want to make a point of talking about PTSD and Dissociative Identities. I don’t know what specific kinds of content warnings to put on this. Um. I’m going to talk about other people reacting to DID/OSDD/DDNOS and things that look like it, my experience with dissociation, parts, and recovery. I worked on it a lot this year. Disclaimer that I am not a trained professional, but I HAVE lived with OSDD ever since I can remember, I have been diagnosed, and going through this workbook I mentioned in Part 2 has made a lot of things click into place. I have OSDD and not DID because I don’t ‘lose time’ where I don’t at least know what happened (a requirement for a DID diagnosis in the DSM). This was originally a very long, very angry rant, but I can sum it up in two parts: Dear people who don’t have a dissociative disorder and Dear People who do have a dissociative disorder

The first part is directed at people without DID who are inclined to say: “People who talk to themselves are creepy, lol you're fictionkin? Cringe” DID and other dissociative disorders are responses to trauma. Most people you’ll see talking to various parts of themselves are not faking it. They’re working with what they have. It’s far more normal than you think. If you think that’s cringe, consider shutting the fuck up, growing some fucking compassion, and minding your own fucking business. Don’t harass strangers about it. The second part is directed at people with DID who are inclined to say: ”But some people fake having it because it’s trendy, or try to force themselves to have it, and kinnies make us look bad” Cool I don’t care, you don’t harass strangers about it. Of course having to deal with dismissive or ignorant randos on the internet is exhausting. Trolls and attention-seekers are a drag. It sucks. But there’s assholes and morons everywhere, of every stripe, with every ‘excuse’. Block them. If they’re young and ignorant? You don’t have to educate them. You can block them. There are also people all over this website who would rather commiserate than actually try recovery. That’s sad. But it’s also not your problem. I was over 30 by the time I realized PTSD and dissociation were the medical names for what I was experiencing. If you had told me, as a teenager, that my dissociative disorder was a symptom of PTSD and “please go to therapy”, I would have probably reacted very negatively to that. Partly because I'd have already been in and out of therapy since I was 9, and I would’ve been under no obligation to tell you that. It’s not that my therapist was bad, or that she didn’t know how to treat me. She admitted she simply didn’t want me to feel “broken” since I was already handling it and re-connecting my parts pretty well. But my mental health has been struggling the past few years. In 2019, I needed to know. Now I know. The teenager out there with the upbeat roleplay blog who insists their incredibly important fictionkin / headmate / etc. has “nothing to do” with PTSD? That kid might well have PTSD and not know it. Do NOT say they’re faking it. Do NOT tell them to stop. Do NOT tell them to go to therapy and get a diagnosis, or to get a “better” coping mechanism. Unless they’re a fake account intentionally created to mock DID (like many fake accounts acephobes create to mock asexuality), it’s NOT your problem. Their recovery is also not your problem. If you don’t know them personally, it’s not your problem. Save your concern-trolling, don’t screencap that shit, and mind your own fucking business. Furthermore, fictional parts or alters or ‘headmates’ or whatever else you call them are extremely common. Lots of people reading might already know this. Oftentimes when a kid lived in a terrifying situation for a long time, the only place they saw safety and caring was in a fictional story, and they needed that in their life. That’s also the reason why fictional alters are usually the parts that care for or protect other parts. Although there are toxic ways to use this coping mechanism, it is not a “bad” coping mechanism itself. It’s a good one. Ask Boon, Steele, and Van Der Hart if you don’t believe me (Boon, S., Steele, K.,& Van Der Hart, O. (2011). Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation. New York: W. W. Norton & Company, Inc.). If you try to slap that out of their hands because you simply don’t like it, fuck you. That’s the short version. :) Okay enough being mad, let’s talk about ways that having / recovering with a dissociative disorder doesn’t have to be Constant Suffering 24/7/365 If you want to write down the conversations you’re having with yourself, for any reason, please don’t be scared do that. It’s probably much safer if you write them down on paper rather than putting them online, but I’m not your mom. When you write down your conversations, all parts of you can see it right there on the page if one of you is being mean to another part of you. That way, it’s easier to try to change that behavior. It can keep those parts of you accountable. If you’re discussing a topic you personally struggle with, and happen to think of a good solution together, writing it down also means you can read it later and remember how you “worked out this issue” before. It can be a record of your successes. And later, you can reread them and see how much you’ve grown. If some parts don’t want to talk to you, or if there are parts who give you problems, there is real help you can get for that. You CAN work on that. Again, this is the workbook I’ve been using this year. It is very in-depth: Boon, S., Steele, K.,& Van Der Hart, O. (2011). Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation. New York: W. W. Norton & Company, Inc. One of my other friends (who was ALSO diagnosed with PTSD and DID in her thirties) has recommended me this workbook which I’ve bought but not started. It mentions parts but is mainly focused on Complex PTSD: Shwartz, Arielle. (2016). The Complex PTSD Workbook. Berkeley, Althea Press. Also here, have a relevant image from Wikipedia in this really long text post:

If someday (even just for a little while), you forget that there were ever parts of you that you felt disconnected from? Fucking superb, you beautiful kintsugi. Here’s the part where I soapbox more. “Recovery” should NOT mean “never mentioning your separate selves again”. It definitely shouldn’t mean you have to stop talking to any of your parts. The goal should be to get all of your parts working together in harmony, not forcibly reducing you to one melody. Heck, here’s a third metaphor that means a lot to me personally. When I’m at my best it, feels like I’m mixing different colors to get just the right hue appropriate to the situation. It’s not that the paint bottles don’t exist anymore - I’m just not stuck painting from just one or two bottles, and I don’t have to paint straight from the bottles anymore either. Boon, Steele, and Van Der Hart literally call it “blending”. I’d been doing it (and using this metaphor) long before reading that but imagine my excitement reading that. Sweet validation. If you’re just starting working with your parts, that can come later. Step #1 is having all your parts acknowledge each other, and talk to each other. Then you try to get better at cooperating together. You’ll do your best to make sure no one gets overwhelmed, and make sure everyone’s needs are met in a feasible manner. And see if you can do a better job at comforting each other. That’s not me soapboxing, that’s straight from the book. If you can do that much, that's a huge step forward to a healthier life. I’m so fucking proud of you. Dissociating and losing time sucks. Being “plural” or whatever you want to call it doesn’t have to suck. Every part of you deserves to feel this good, this connected, and cooperative. Recovery isn’t easy. Even when they give you a workbook with simple prompts and “fill in your own answer” pages. (Which I have.) Even if you think “oh but I already know myself(s) and we’re all fine” but you seem to be struggling in other areas of your mental health (which was me), I guarantee you there will be shit you didn’t know about yourself(s). And it can only get better after you address it, hopefully with professional help. I’m saying you’re doing a bad job on your own, but if you think you could be doing better, go for it. It will be uncomfortable, but whatever little steps you can take (without destabilizing yourself), it’s FUCKING WORTH IT. Notes: Boon, S., Steele, K.,& Van Der Hart, O. (2011). Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation. New York: W. W. Norton & Company, Inc. Currently finishing up this workbook so yeah I’m really excited about it

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Chapter titles! | June Writing Update

Hey People of Earth!

It’s JULY which means we’re due for a June writing update! I honestly didn’t do very much writing in June (was June even a month? did it happen??), so like with May, this update will be pretty short!

FOSTERED #6

I’m kind of at an eh with this book, honestly! This month consisted of stressing over a scene I couldn’t get quite right, until @sarahkelsiwrites gave me some awesome advice while I was mid *sarah help me*. She said “Just end it where you’ve written up to and come back to it later” which is so insanely simple, but helpful. Because I take long breaks between writing scenes sometimes, I tend to lose sight of a lot of details/initial excitement for scenes, which is basically what happened with this scene! So coming back to it later is actually a lot more helpful than trying to piece together words I meant to write weeks prior, if that makes sense. This was actually something I tried to actively avoid, but it seems to be working way better now!

Sarah is my #1 supporter and I dunno man this book wouldn’t have made it past literally the first chapter header if it weren’t for her lol, so bless her patient soul. 

Also, me when I’m writing:

sarahhhhhhhhhh

my kayak is sinkingggggg

sarahhhhHHHAahhh

I did do a thing I REALLY LOVE for this book this month and that’s chapter titles!

A few months ago, I wrote a chapter that I just *knew* needed a chapter title (Table Manners). After writing it, I tried naming the rest of the chapters in this book, and it wasn’t actually as fun as I thought it would be lol. I couldn’t come up with anything I liked, so I dropped the endeavor.

Welllll I came back to it a few days ago and well I have a whole list now:

honestly this book suck but deez titles doeeeeee

I’ve been writing this book for 9 months and this is like the only happiness it has brought me.

For those who can’t read my handwriting lol:

Breathing Room

Catherine

1997

Max

Double Jointed

Paper Negative

Earl Grey

Table Manners

Girl

Fort Tilden

Fluoxetine

Mother

The Garden

these!!!

!!!

I love them !!!!

they are my babies!!!

their content suck but I love them !!!! beautiful !!

Which chapter title is your favourite? I’m rather fond of how the list meshes as a whole because the atmos thooooo but I *love* Catherine, 1997, Girl, and Fluoxetine!

I thought it’d be cool to do a quick run down of why I chose these titles because there was a lot of thought??

PEOPLE YOU WILL NEED TO KNOW:

Reeve 

main character

stressed and tragic

Foster 

love interest ?? kind ? of ??? tofu boi???

?????

he’s hardly in any of these chapters so just imagine him making lentil soup instead??

Lonan 

problematic brother of MC

has picked a fight with Harrison for *no* reason, currently in his first month of being salty (TM)

Harrison 

feisty af but has a big heart

is tired of being walked on by Lonan

hurt af but using that salty energy to help people aw

Darren 

the only morally correct character

doesn’t realize what he’s gotten into

Emily

evasive, acts as a manic pixie dream girl figure throughout the novel, is unfortunately romanticized a lot even though she’s very much just a normal girl

1. Breathing Room

Ch. 1 is set in a very ‘claustrophobic’ time for every character

Gang is very divided after *various conflicts, but somehow manages to be suffocated by each other’s problems?

Both Harrison + Foster need some ‘breathing room’ from Reeve lol me too

how do you take a vacation from your first person narrator

2. Catherine

Reeve tries 2 be Darren’s new friend

Helps him set up his library

Title inspired by Catherine Earnshaw (Wuthering Heights)

Foreshadowing for where Reeve’s character ends up (particularly in her relationship w/ Darren)

Since they’re making a library, Wuthering Heights was *relevant*

3. 1997

“My mom met my dad on a Tuesday morning in 1997.”

that’s basically it

I dont know why this sentence just isn’t my parents met on a Tuesday morning etc etc but ok

lmaooo what is writing

4. Max

The name of Reeve’s father (who has died)

She heads out on a ‘de-stress’ vacay with Darren who is her new father figure ?? yonks

Lots of father references, mostly named Max because of Darren’s paternal-ness

5. Double Jointed

@sarahkelsiwrites gave me this idea lol

let’s just say our girl breaks someone’s fingers ??

and a relationship ??

ouch??

6. Paper Negative

Reeve is looking thru family photos

Lonan shows up and starts being a brat

he’s the negative haaha

7. Earl Grey

Reeve makes Lonan tea and some is subsequently spilled

8. Table Manners

Harrison fights w/ Lonan and Reeve has the audacity to tell him he needs to find some manners lol

9. Girl

Reeve glorifies Emily as being this eccentric but perfect person when in reality she’s just a girl

At the same time, degrades her as a ‘lolita’ figure

Lots of toxic femininity

Highkey not stolen from John Lennon

a giiiiiiiiirl

This excerpt kind of explains the whole unhealthy a) glorification of her and b) judgements Reeve makes (tis long and unedited as a heads up):

She’s perched on the armchair next to him. Her feet, unsocked and half-baked laze atop the teakwood desk. She’s at a beach, maybe. Lost her sandals in the tide, mind in the boardwalk. Her hair is shorter, cut to curl at her chin. Red, as always, like the carmine lacquer chipped off her toenails. Shoulders are thin, her waist edges toward gaunt. But I’m sure he doesn’t tell her that. She’s beautiful to him. Starving herself, or taking turns fondling the new Marlboros he sticks between his lips, she’s still beautiful. A puff from him, trade-off, pivoted elbow, kiss from her. Her ribs stick out beneath her tank top, but he loves her. Size zero, tape measure a noose. With all her flaws, he makes love to her through rings of smoke.   

Smoking kills you. I want to tell her. That smoke goes straight for your throat. You’ll be forty at twenty. What about your beauty regime? Butted out like he’ll do to your heart, to that cigarette you do unspeakable things to. Aren’t you afraid of being ugly?            

I won’t, though. She’s doing nothing wrong. Sat in shorts with her bra leering from under her tank-top, toes flexing, shoulders meager. Guilty, no, garish, yes. I’ve never noticed the gold she wears in her ears until now.            

Somehow, she’s managed to remain on his side. With her body like dust, and temperament like mercury, he sits at his desk with her, lets her look at the findings on his laptop screen. I should get them rings for their left hands, an extra diamond for her. A mantle and a spellbook, a white dress and a bouquet. A four-post bed complete with a chiffon canopy for when he canopies her. Rose petals, and champagne. Congratulations. I’m so happy for you. I’ll save the date. 

She is a girl, like me, but with his attention. A girl who hasn’t asked for the speculation I impale her with. A girl who doesn’t deserve it. I should be ashamed of myself. That’s what my mom would tell me if she heard the vile thoughts I choke Emily with. You should apologize and be friends with her, Reeve. That’s two weeks grounded, until you learn it’s not ladylike to ridicule her because you aren’t her. It’s not ladylike, Reeve, not ladylike. Where are your manners, young lady? 

who doesn't have manners now ???

10. Fort Tilden

A memory about a family reunion at this particular place

11. Fluoxetine

Reeve recounts her mother’s use of antidepressants

Lots of gaslighting in this chapter

12. Mother

The saddest of the titles, recounts a betrayal of a mother figure

Kind of very sad when reflected with the contents of the chapter

13. The Garden

Recounts an experience in a garden with a boy

The setting for the death of a relationship where things are kind of in constant growth? backwards growth?? decay ??

So yes! I rather love these, lol, they bring me very much happiness. 

Onto some book stats:

CURRENT WORD COUNT: 56 449

CURRENT PAGE COUNT: 97

STUFF I’VE BEEN LISTENING TO: Ohhh, I mentioned a few of these in my goals update post, but definitely additions to my shippy playlist: Some Kind of Love by The Killers, Happier (Acoustic) by Ed Sheeran, And I Love Her by The Beatles, Can’t Say No by Conor Maynard (my *personal* favourite)

MEDIA I’VE BEEN DIGGING: 

Sarah drew this GORGEOUS duo portrait of Ris and Reeve:

(yessss Harrison’s nose is so satisfyinggggg) 

I also made a header for Paper Negative w/ this family photo I found in the licensed for reuse w/ modification section on Google:

EXCERPT:

I edited this into the chapter of doom, and you know, I just re-read it and I’m not mad?? I think there are like *adjectives for dayzzzz*, but I think it’s almost where I want it??

His room is warm. Smells of old coffee and cigarette smoke. Emily isn’t here with him. But she’s left her things, yes, her books, and her spells, charms, and crystals. A circle of stones on her dresser, the clamshell rosary looped around the mirror. Set with candles, and beading, a dish of mildewed water. He’s dashed his cigarettes over her incense, and from the look he shoots me when he catches me looking, I figure he’s left them there without her permission. She occupies half of his room, her space bent in a diagonal path from half the door, to the right of the night table. Where she is, her space still breathes, ribbonned and decorated, pinned with dried flowers, and flutes of perfumes. Where he is, his space jitters.

It’s no surprise the left half of the room beams with just his energy. Lighters, and chewed pen caps, posters and pictures and drawings tacked to every breathable inch of the walls, even leaking onto the ceiling. The map, hanging next to his bed, ripped and sewn together again by bits of cellotape. Two opposites under one roof.

And what would I be, then, if I inhabited this room? Not a roommate, or partner, but possibly a lampshade, or chest of drawers. Unimportant enough to not notice every day. Only missed when unavailable. Perhaps I would be of no particular use, too, like Emily’s hanging terrarium, or Harrison’s tossed out marker drawings.

So that’s all for this update, y’all. Hoping July brings back a spark, lol. If not, you can bet I’ll be thoroughly looking for it in the meantime. ;) Thanks for reading!

--Rachel

[northlandian]

Undertale Questions & Answers!

Proven with FACTS and Evidence from the game.

This is something I wrote a little over a year ago. Never got around to posting till now.

(Obviously, this was before the release of Deltarune and the Switch/PS updates so some info might be missing.)

(Also yes I’m aware that most of this is common knowledge by now, lol. Still wanted to put it out there.)

When did Chara fall into the Underground?

Well, we know from the calendar we see in New Home during both True Pacifist and Genocide routes that Chara fell down near the end of the year 201X.

In New Home, a calendar can be found that apparently is from the end of 201X. During a Genocide route, Chara comments on the date circled in the calendar, saying that it was the day they arrived.

The Mt. Ebott we see in the intro to the game is also from 201X, implying that the intro is showing Chara’s fall, not Frisk’s. This is supported at the end of the True Pacifist route when we are fighting Asriel. He believes that we are Chara (due to his phone call after the true lab: “Chara? Are you there?” etc…), even though we are not, however, they are there with us (they are proven to be the “narrator” as we see near the end of the Genocide route when they start talking about themselves. This possibility is explained by them at the very end of a Genocide as them being reawakened by our Determination). Since they are there with us, they can help us recall a memory from Asriel just as Frisk had been doing with his friends to save them - and it’s the memory of when Chara fell into the underground, identical to the intro.

This same year, a memorial fountain was built in the MTT hotel, however, the statue of Mettaton erected on it was only added a week before your arrival.

Okay, so when did Frisk fall into the underground?

The year can’t be definitively pinpointed, however, there is enough evidence to give us a good idea.

Between the time that Chara and Asriel died, and Frisk fell into the Underground, six more humans fell. We are told during a Neutral route the story of Asriel and Chara, their death caused by the humans, and Asgore’s pledge to kill every last human who falls into the underground in order to break the barrier (because seven human souls are needed to break a barrier made by seven human wizards). This is also why Toriel flees to the Ruins. We also know that Frisk is human #7 because Undyne tells us so and because we can see the number of souls collected thus far when we go to fight Asgore. Finally, this is supported by the number of filled coffins we see in the basement.

Papyrus was born between the time the sixth human fell and between the time that Frisk fell (since he’s never seen a human before, and since all humans made it to Asgore’s castle, they must have passed through Snowdin) - however his age is a mystery except for one lead - his UnderNet username, CoolSkeleton95. It is possible that that “95” stands for his birth year, meaning that he could have possibly been born in the year of 2095 - almost 100 years after Chara’s fall. It would also make sense for him be born in 2095 because there is an explanation for why Toriel and Asgore would still be alive after so many years - as Gerson tells us at the end of a pacifist route, boss monsters only age as their children age. But Toriel and Asgore’s only son, Asriel, had died, therefore they wouldn’t age (Gerson also makes sure to tell us that if their child was human, it wouldn’t affect their ageing, so Chara has no impact on that).

Considering this timeframe of about 100 years, it also explains why the humans were chill with the monsters return, as we see them live out their lives on the surface in the Pacifist ending credits - they don’t really care about events that occurred over a century ago.

There’s a trophy found in Asgore’s home that states he and Toriel were the “#1 Nose Nuzzlers of ’98”, most likely 1998, as this obviously took place while they were still together, meaning before Chara’s death.

What all this means (if true) is that there are about 100 years between Chara’s fall and Frisk’s fall.

Why were the monsters banished to the Underground?

The whole “war broke out” thing is pretty vague, but there are hints throughout the game suggesting why they were really banished.

In Waterfall, there is a story about why the humans attacked. It explains that their one weakness is the strength of their soul, meaning that if a monster were to defeat a human, it can absorb its soul and become “a horrible beast with unfathomable power”. There is also a picture description. Later in Waterfall, there is also mention that no human has ever absorbed a monster soul before, however, nothing is said about the vice versa. This all points to that a monster has absorbed a human soul in the past, besides Asriel with Chara, since the glyphs are ancient. This is said to be why the humans attacked. The question is, which monster absorbed which humans soul, and there is no evidence to figure that one out, except for the fact that it was not Asgore (because we see him in the intro in what we can assume is his normal form). 

It is also clear from the intro that Asgore was alive during the war times, and so was someone who strongly resembled Frisk and Chara, yet as an adult.

The barrier requires the strength of 7 human souls to break because it was created with the power of 7 human wizards.

What are the other traits besides Determination?

Believe it or not, despite the very strong evidence that points towards 7 traits of Justice, Kindness, Patience, Perseverance, Integrity, Bravery, and Determination, it’s all still technically speculation.

When we reach the Throne Room, there is an option to go into a basement where we can find 7 coffins with 7 different soul colours on them - yellow, green, cyan, purple, blue, orange, and red. All coffins are filled except the red one, which we find out through the story told during the Neutral route and what Chara tells us in the Genocide route that it was Chara’s coffin before Toriel took their body with them to be buried in the Ruins. The colours on the coffins directly correspond with the colours and trait descriptions that show up on the flags in the ball game in Snowdin - yellow is Justice, green is Kindness, cyan is Patience, purple is Perseverance, blue is Integrity, and orange is Bravery. We can assume that these are the other traits.

Although these souls may have “traits” it is not wise to assume that these souls are limited to said trait - they might just be their strongest or most defining feature. For example, a human with a Kindness soul might not necessarily be impatient. 

We also know that each human soul did have a bit of Determination in it - it was extracted during the Determination experiments.

There is no proof to say that Determination is a more “rare” kind of soul - in fact, out of the eight humans that fell into the Underground, the majority had a Determination soul (2 of them - Frisk and Chara). It just happens to be very unique and powerful, but then again, we are not aware of the abilities of the other traits either.

It is unknown if these are the only traits, but the snowball game only outlines the six.

What’s the deal with the Determination experiments?

The Determination experiments were experiments and analyzations done on determination souls in order to break the barrier.

There is evidence to support that the DT experiments were not started by Alphys and that they were started by none other than Doctor W. D. Gaster, the previous royal scientist. By reading Mettaton’s diary entries, we find out that he used to be a ghost, and that he was friends with the monster Shyren. He writes about how her sister “fell down” recently, and then a few entries later writes about meeting Alphys at a human fan club meeting. In the true lab, we can actually see Shyren’s sister as one of the Amalgamates, meaning that she was used in the DT experiments. But here’s the thing - Mettaton was a ghost and did not even know Alphys when she fell down, and we’re told by Bratty and Catty that Alphys only became Royal Scientist after she showed Asgore her plans to make Mettaton a body. This means that Alphys was not the Royal Scientist at the time when Shreyn’s sister fell down and was being experimented on. So it had to be the previous Royal Scientist, which we are told by the Gaster Followers is Gaster. The only thing that contradicts this is the fact that Alphys straight up tells us that she was the one to start the experiments.

When we read from the lab entries, we find out that the plan was to unleash the power of the soul on the barrier in order to break it. This power cannot be created artificially, however (contrary to what we’re told by Alphys in-game), and must come from what once was living. The only things he had to work with were the monster souls and the human souls. The only problem with using a monster soul, however, is that besides boss monsters (the breed of Toriel, Asgore, and Asriel), monster souls disappear immediately after death. They had to figure out a way to make monster souls persist - and they did. It says, using the blueprints of his, they created the DT Extraction machine to extract “it” from the human souls. The substance that allows a soul to persist after death, a substance called “Determination”. The plan henceforth is to inject “Determination” into the bodies of monsters who had fallen down. The goal is that by using a vessel to support the human and monster souls, they will be able to either gather enough by keeping them alive or have enough strength within the souls to equate to a human soul, thus being able to break the barrier along with the other 6 human souls. They then need to find a vessel that will be able to absorb the human and monster souls at the same time to break the barrier when the time comes - but the catch is that humans can’t absorb human souls, and monsters can’t absorb monster souls. Therefore, he needs something that’s not human or monster. He decided to choose a flower that he believes is “special”, because it was the first one that grew, it was apparently from the outside world, and it grew right after Toriel left. They then question what will happen when something without a soul gains the will to live.

After this entry, which is entry 8, everything about the journals change. The writing style from here on out is different - less sophisticated, more panicked. It’s also in all lower case. It is my belief that this is where Alphys started taking over the DT experiments. She explains that things aren’t going well, and she’s anxious as to what to say to the families that want the bodies back to get the dust for the funerals. She also asks, “what do I do?”, further proof that she is now taking over, as she doesn’t know what she’s doing. Why she takes over here, or Gaster’s current presence in the experiments is a mystery. She then explains that the experiments on the vessel failed. After this, we can safely assume that it is definitely Alphys writing, as she talks about Mettaton and how he wants his body finished. She doesn’t know what to do, so she keeps injecting everything with “Determination”, until they open their eyes, and are alive again. It explains that they think the research is a dead end, but at least they got a happy ending out of it. They plan on sending the bodies back the following day, but then something goes wrong (“no, No, NO, NO, NO, NO”). This could be one of two things: one, the bodies of the monsters have now melted together to become the amalgamates, which does definitely happen at some point after this. This is also supported by Alphys’s entry 17, and by what she tells us when we find her, which is that monster bodies can’t handle “Determination” like human bodies, and that they melt into creatures because they can’t support it - we even see it happen to Undyne after her fight during a Genocide route; he body literally can’t handle her Determination. This is why monsters can’t be determined as well. The second thing is that Gaster has now disappeared, as evident by his journal 17. It reads in WingDings (said to be his “font”): “DARKER. DARKER. YET DARKER. THE DARKNESS KEEPS GROWING. THE SHADOWS CUTTING DEEPER. PHOTON READINGS NEGATIVE. THIS NEXT EXPERIMENT. SEEMS. VERY. VERY. INTERESTING. WHAT DO YOU TWO THINK?” These “two” leads me to my next point - entries 14 and 15, which take about the fallen monsters reawakening, the research being a bust, and how they were going to send the bodies back. These entries are written differently than both Gaster’s and Alphys’ because they use proper grammar, but they’re not as sophisticated as Gaster’s. It’s my belief that these two entries belong to the one other scientist, Sans. Although he does only speak in lower case letters, he does have a past unknown relationship with Alphys, as hinted at the end of a pacifist ending. He also has blueprints and an unknown machine in his secret lab, and he is known for loving physics and astronomy. An excuse for the proper grammar is that this is before Flowey’s reawakening, and before the time when Flowey would continuously reset. Since Sans was one of the only characters who is aware of the multiple timelines (as he eludes to during his Genocide battle with us), he could have become lazy and careless after all that time, hence why he didn’t bother with proper grammar when we speak to him. The only other lab entries after the entry 17’s discuss how the flower had gone missing, and how the families are still waiting on the bodies. Alphys then mentions how she spends all her time in the garbage dump, which we see in the Pacifist route is true, as that’s where she takes us on a date. 

We know that the DT experiments with the monsters still haunt Alphys until the time we meet her. During a True Pacifist route, she leaves the note before entering the true lab to discover “the truth”. She also eludes to it during a near-Genocide Neutral route end of game phone call with her. 

The DT experiments prove that all human souls can possess Determination since they’re extracted from the other human souls that are NOT Chara’s.

What is “Fun” Value?

Fun Value is an RNG between 1-100 the game rolls every time you start a new run. 

In theory, it looks like each number represents a different timeline, sort of similar to the “many worlds” theory (where there is an infinite number of universes for every choice and decision made). In each “timeline”, one little thing is different than the rest.

The known different occurrences to happen due to the fun value are as follows: 2-39 have a 100% chance of having a “Wrong Number Song” played to you in Snowdin; 40-45 have a 100% chance of Sans prank calling you in Snowdin; 46-50 have a 100% chance of Alphys calling you trying to order a pizza in Snowdin; 56-57 have a 100% chance of giving you nightmare mode puzzles in Snowdin; 61 has a 20% chance of having the NPC G Follower 1 show up in Hotland in front of elevator R1; 62 has a 50% chance of having the NPC G Follower 2 show up in Hotland in front of elevator L3; 63 has a 50% chance of having the NPC G Follower 3 show up in Hotland in front of elevator L2; 65 has a 50% chance of opening up a sound test room, which has a room with 4 different soundtracks, and it also includes the “Shadow Ghost Man”; 66 has a 100% chance of opening up the fake hallway but a 10% chance of giving the door that leads to “Mystery Man”; 80-89 have a 100% chance of having Clam Girl show up in Waterfall (if you speak to her at the right time, this somehow unlocks a part of Sans’s photo album in his basement if you were to get the key. Butterfly effect much?); and finally, 91-100 have a 100% chance to have “Goner Kid” show up in the moving platform room in Waterfall while Undyne is chasing you. The rest of the fun value numbers do not change anything specific.

Who is Doctor W. D. Gaster?

There is a very slim chance of encountering 1 of 3 NPC’s in the game that mentions a man named Doctor W. D. Gaster. And boy, with very little said, there is still so much to know about this guy.

The dialogue from the NPC’s, who are named G Followers 1, 2 and 3, explains that Gaster was the royal scientist before Alphys. Even though he was a slower worker than Alphys, he was brilliant, very difficult to replace, and he was responsible for creating the Core, the source of electricity for the entire Underground. But one day, he vanished without a trace; he fell into his creation and shattered across time and space. GF1 asks is Alphys will end up the same way, GF2 says he's literally holding a piece of him, and GF3 claims that he is listening.

The GF’s are found in Hotland, near the Core, outside elevators R1, L3, and L2.

As mentioned above, there is evidence to believe that Gaster is responsible for starting the DT experiments.

The “Mystery Man” sprite is believed to possibly be Gaster. If you touch him, his eyes widen and then he vanishes.

GF1 says that Gaster “fell into his creation”. This could either be the Core, or the DT extraction machine or possibly something else we don’t know of.

In the True Lab, there is no entry 17, and it can only be accessed by manipulating the game files. The entry is written in WingDings (Gaster’s “font”, which is also what the “W. D.” in his name supposedly stands for), which we can strongly assume means that Gaster wrote it.

There are many hints throughout the game and in the game files that suggest that Gaster is from a timeline that was lost. First of all, in order to even encounter the GF’s your “fun” value has to be very specific. Even to encounter the “Mystery Man”, you must roll a 66, and even then, you only have a 10% chance of even finding him. This can suggest that he was somehow erased from history. The quote from GF2 “he shattered across time and space” can also suggest that he is literally scattered throughout time, that only hints of him can come up in various timelines. Another hint is that if you are to try and name yourself “Gaster”, the game will literally either restart or crash, suggesting that it is not possible to be in any of the timelines whatsoever.

It is very hard to find a lead on how Gaster could have vanished from time by falling into one of his creations unless he created something else that we are unaware of.

It is possible he injected himself with Determination, which is why Mystery Man might appear a bit goopy (since monsters aren't capable of withstanding Determination), and why GF2 could possibly hold a piece of him.

It is claimed in the journals that there were blueprints used to create the DT extraction machine, however, if he really did write the journals, where he got these blueprints or if he created them is a mystery.

There is a possible link to Gaster with Sans. As speculated above, there is a chance that Sans was another scientist just like Alphys, at the time when Gaster was Royal Scientist, since he loves physics, and possibly wrote some of the journal entries. In the Genocide route when you fight him, he uses a weapon called a “Gaster Blaster”, another possible invention of theirs or Gaster’s. Sans also has a secret basement with a workshop, only accessible is you prove to him that you can go back to your save point. He then gives you a key to the basement (after pulling a prank on you across time and space, apparently). In it, you can find blueprints written in either an unknown language, or symbols (possibly WingDings), a broken machine, and a photo album. In the photo album, there’s a picture you can access only if you talk to the Clam Girl where it describes Sans standing with people, with the words “Don’t Forget” on it. These people could possibly be Gaster and Papyrus, or maybe Gaster and Alphys.

On Toby Fox’s twitter, he shared his original character designs for a few characters in the game. On Papyrus’s, it reads: “Has a brother named Comic Sans (aka just Sans), and a — named —”, with the —’s being blacked out. There is tons of speculation saying that it reads “Gaster”, and that he was their father, since Mystery Man resembles a skeleton, and since he also has his own font (WingDings) just like Sans and Papyrus.

There is another possible Gaster sprite, which looks like a ghostly sort of figure, who only appears once you approach him. If you attempt to talk to him, it reads *[redacted]* in wingdings. “Redacted” would imply that there was going to be a conversation there, but it was removed. If you exit the room he is found in, you end up in the sound test room, with four songs, one being “Gaster’s Theme”. If you choose to play Gaster’s Theme, you won’t be able to play any of the other songs. Once the song finishes, the game will crash.

Sometimes when you ride with the River Man, he will tell you to “beware of the man who speaks in hands”. This can refer to the man who speaks wingdings because hand symbols represent some letters in wingdings. He can also tell you to beware of the man who came from the other world.

If your “fun” value is over 90, you can encounter “Goner Kid” in Waterfall. They ask you: “Have you ever thought about a world where everything is the same… except you don’t exist? Everything functions just fine without you… Ha ha… the thought terrifies me.” This can reference the fact that the world in the Underground is going on with no mention of Gaster, as he is possibly wiped from the timelines. He then says, if you’re still holding an umbrella: “An umbrella…? But it’s not raining.” This can be referencing one of Sans’s themes, “It’s Raining Somewhere Else”, which relates to the speculation of Sans’s ties to Gaster.

How did Flowey come to life?

The story of Asriel’s death is quite sad, but Flowey’s reawakening is almost sadder.

It is revealed at the end of a Pacifist route that Flowey is, in fact, Asriel Dreemurr, King Asgore and Queen Toriel’s son. Using the 6 human souls plus literally every soul in the Underground (to equate to the strength of another human soul), he transforms into Asriel, God of Hyperdeath. The souls of your friends become memory heads, and the only way to save them is by jogging their memories with things that happened throughout the game. Once this is done, you save Asriel from himself by replaying the memory of Chara’s fall. With this, he transforms back into himself and finds out that you’re not Chara, but your real name is Frisk. He then returns the souls, but not before breaking the barrier. The monsters leave and eventually, he transforms back into the soulless Flowey.

We find out in New Home during a neutral route that Chara was the first human to fall into the Underground. Asriel finds them and brings them back to the castle. They are raised as Asriel’s brother, and Asgore and Toriel’s child. But what we didn’t know, until Asriel tells us at the end of a Pacifist route, is that Chara hated humanity and that they wanted to free monsters. The way we are told it by monsters is that Chara got sick and died, but we find out in the True Lab tapes that Chara poisoned themselves in an attempt at suicide so that Asriel could absorb their soul, cross the barrier, and get 6 more souls to break it. The power to control Asriel’s body was split between them, so Chara was the one that carried their body across the barrier into their town, to lay on the golden flowers. When the humans saw Asriel holding Chara, they thought he killed them, so they started to attack. Knowing they were capable, Chara wanted to attack back, but Asriel didn’t want to kill them, so they were stuck, taking blow after blow. Finally, they took the body back, crossed back through the barrier into the Underground, and Asriel died, his dust spreading across the golden flowers in the garden. This is when Asgore pledged to kill every human who fell into the Underground, and Toriel, appealed by this, left him to the Ruins, taking Chara’s body with her to bury in the exact spot that we fell.

This is where things get interesting - Asriel’s dust spread across a golden flower; the exact golden flower chosen for the DT experiments. We are told this story by him in New Home during a Genocide route: after injecting the flower with Determination, he reawakens because he gained the will to live. Asriel was eventually found by Asgore but was surprised to see that he was feeling absolutely no emotion for his father. At first, he tries to kill himself, but at the last second decides he doesn’t want to (because he has the will to live aka his Determination) and ends up right back at his save point. This leads into a downward spiral of trying every single possible route - from Pacifist to Genocide. He did this up until we fell into the Underground because our Determination was stronger than his - proving that the person with the most Determination gets control over the timeline.

It is likely that Sans found out about this ability of his, since he knows about past timelines. This is why the line Flowey says at the end of a neutral route about Sans (“Don’t let him find out anything about you. He’s caused my fair share of resets”) makes sense. What Sans did to him is a mystery.

How was Chara Reawakened and Able to Take Over Frisk’s Body?

Unlike the rest of the fallen children, Chara had a Determination soul. Because of this, their reawakening was possible.

Chara tells you at the end of a Genocide route that they were only able to be reawakened with your human soul, and your Determination - otherwise, it would’ve been impossible.

The point that people miss regarding their reawakening is that fact that no matter which route you take - Neutral, Pacifist, or Genocide, Chara is reawakened. This is proven due to the fact that Chara is the second-person speaker in the game: the narrator. Every time you do an action, Chara is the one that describes it. This is proven by what the “narrator” says during a Genocide route; speaking directly as who they are in some instances. We can also tell Chara is there because of the memories that are recalled. Every time you die, Chara remembers Asgore’s voice talking to them right before they die (“Chara! You have to stay determined”). While in Waterfall, there is a point where Undyne knocks you down into the garbage dump, and you are sort of “knocked out” for a second. During that brief moment, Chara remembers the moment they fell into the Underground and met Asriel. Finally, during the fight with Asriel, the only way you’re able to save him is with the help of Chara, recalling Asriel’s favourite memories with them, which brings him back to his true form.

Chara only starts to take over your body once they see your intentions of eradicating everything from the Underground (their first “take over” is in Snowdin, when they refuse to stand behind the conveniently-shaped lamp. We don’t get control in that moment). The question is, why wouldn’t they try to stop us from killing everything in the Underground if they hated humanity but cared about monsters enough to sacrifice themselves for them? It’s possible that it was because, unlike all other traits, Determination is not limited to good or evil - it can be both. Since in a Genocide route we chose the latter, and Chara fed off our Determination and our human soul, that’s why they turned into a demonic destructive child.

What makes Determination so unique then if it’s not rare?

Determination can somewhat be considered an outlier from the other traits - it has qualities only it can have.

Determination souls are the only souls that can save, load, and reset. We know this because of when Flowey tells us during a Genocide route that before we came, HE was the one who had the most determination, that he had the power to “go back” to his save point in the garden. 

Determination is the only trait that can be used for both good and evil. Take the trait patience for example; it has one objective to itself, and that it to just be patient. If your patient, the soul is strong, and if you resist, the soul will grow weaker. However, as we see in the game, Determination can be used to offer hope and love, or create a Genocide and grow LV. It doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad, as long as you’re determined, the soul will be strong.

Determination can rewake a dead Determination soul, as we see with Chara. 

Determination can allow both a human soul and monster soul to persist death. We see this with both Frisk and Undyne, and we also can tell by what was found through the Determination experiments. 

Determination is one of the strongest traits, even going so far as to melt monster bodies that possess too much of it. We see this with the amalgamates, with Undyne, and we can read about it in Alphys’s journal entry 17. It’s treated more so as something physical than a trait like the others.

It is possible that a Determination soul is defined as a soul composed of an equal amount of the 6 other traits, creating physical Determination. This theory is based on the ball game in Snowdin, where we establish the six traits with the corresponding flag colours. However, should you get a red flag, it reads: “Bravery, Justice. Integrity. Kindness. Perseverance. Patience. Using these, you were able to win at ‘Ball Game’”. This can imply that these six traits create the “red”, which is the colour of our soul, which we assume is Determination.

Is there a difference between “Fallen Down” and DEATH?

Absolutely.

Whenever we kill a monster, it immediately turns to dust, and we get XP for killing it. However we read that there is another term used if we read Mettaton’s diary, and it’s called “Fallen Down”. He writes about his friend, Shyren, and how her sister had “fell down”, also explaining how she no longer has her sister to stand up for her. This sounds like it implies that she’s dead, however, when the True Lab journals describe the monster bodies that are “fallen down”, it describes them as comatose, and that they haven’t turned to dust yet. Therefore, “fallen down” means that they are in a coma, likely to never rewake, and dust = death.

[wellesleyunderground]

W in Art: Hoi-Fei Mok ‘10 (@alifeofgreen)

Cover Image by Lydia Yamaguchi

Hoi-Fei Mok is our fearless leader here at WU but they are also an artist, activist and environmental scientist. Based in the Bay Area, Fei recently completed a fellowship with the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts as part of the cohort addressing the question “What does EQUITY look like?” We recently sat down to talk about the arts, sciences, and the YBCA fellowship experience. 

What is your “origin story”? How did you fall in love with the arts? (and sciences?)

I’ve been a creative person since I was young - drawing, painting, playing the violin. I never expected to take it far because I was always told it wouldn’t make a good career. At Wellesley, I became super focused on my schoolwork and pretty much stopped anything creative except orchestra. Even then, it felt like doing things out of habit rather than for the joy of it. After graduating, I really wanted to go back to art. I picked up the guitar and bought some paints, but wasn’t confident in how to jump back in. A writer friend of mine told me to just do it, sketch something out even if it doesn’t look good, and made me set a goal to have two pieces ready in time for his book reading in a few month’s time. That really helped me get back into the groove of things. Slowly I got away from the thinking that art had to look portfolio ready or that my music had to be perfect, and I started doing it for my own self-care and joy. Eventually as I got more radical and involved in activism, my art also became a medium to talk about social justice and I joined community art projects.

My route to science came about through my environmentalism. I majored in biochemistry thinking I was going to go to veterinary school (to save the animals!), but I realized in hindsight (the summer before senior year, hah) that this came about from my interest in conservation and the environment. I ended up doing some ecological research after graduation and ended up getting my PhD in environmental science, focusing on wastewater reuse for agricultural irrigation. And now I work in climate change policy. Looking back, science set a good foundation for understanding the environment and climate change, but I wouldn’t say I fell in love with science so much as realized that I was good with data. I am hugely passionate about addressing climate change and while it is very useful to have a science background, climate change is not just a technical problem, it requires a strong social, political, and economic understanding as well. So I’m still in the process of learning all of that.

How has your background in science influenced your art, and vice versa?

I haven’t gotten as much crossover as I would like (or generally enough time/capacity for doing art)! There have been a few climate related pieces that I’ve done, like this recent street art installation about bee colony collapse and the seed connection in my art fellowship project below. I love the pieces that incorporate climate data directly, like Jill Pelto’s paintings, Natalie Miebach’s musical sculptures, or this string quartet of rising temperatures, and all of the light installations by Luzinterruptus are brilliant for bringing in so many environmental themes, upcycling, and public education. I’m really interested in exploring installations more, so as soon as I get the right opportunity, that’ll be the next thing I’m working on.

What is the story of this fellowship? (selection/application)

The Yerba Buena Center for the Arts (YBCA) is a unique art institution in San Francisco. They work from the premise that art and culture drive social change, so many of their projects have a social justice bent. Their Fellows program came out of their annual YBCA 100 Summit in 2015. During this summit, people crowdsourced hundreds of different questions that drive and inspire community transformation. These questions were distilled down to three themes: 1) can we design freedom?, 2) what does equity look like?, and 3) why citizenship? Then three cohorts of 30 people - artists, activists, policymakers, writers, educators, and more - were selected by essay to “engage in a yearlong process of inquiry, dialogue, and project generation”. I applied for the equity cohort and (much to my surprise) was accepted.

Can you give us a brief overview of the final project that you ultimately presented?

We had a couple of group collaborations. Our cohort came up with an equity statement which came out of this beautiful collective exercise of brainstorming what equity looks like to each of us. Malcolm Gin analyzed the most frequent words and Martin K. White pulled them together into a free flowing poem. It may not make a ton of sense to the layperson reading it, but the collective process that created the piece represents to me one of the truest forms of equity and inclusion, and reminds me that the process is as important as the outcome itself.

We also wrote up a framework for creating equitable community art projects, which was shared on WU a few months ago. We created the guide for those looking to do community art projects to help them design equitable and inclusive projects that don’t take advantage of the communities they’re working in or help to gentrify the neighborhood. As artists are often the first wave of gentrifiers in a neighborhood, we felt very strongly that we needed to help other artists understand how they can work with the community and raise up local voices, rather than come in to take up more space.

In addition to these group projects, we each had individual projects we were working on. My project partner, Shalini Agrawal, and I were inspired by the People’s Kitchen Collective as well as an existing collaboration YBCA had with the local elementary school, Bessie Carmichael. Our final project, Food Equity and Cultural Memory: A Public Feast, was done in collaboration with rising first graders from Bessie Carmichael and artist E. Oscar Maynard. During the past school year, the students collected oral and cultural histories of family recipes that resulted in the recipe cards by Oscar. Using the recipes as a point of inspiration, we designed a public meal for attendees of YBCA Public Square. In feeding the public, this project highlights the issue of food access and insecurity in the neighborhood as well as the available cultural resources and memory in the form of recipes passed down from generations. By providing seeds to the feast participants, we reconnected the ideas of growing and cooking one’s own food to resilience, the earth, and self-sustainability. The students were centered as featured artists and like the seeds, they are the rising stewards of resilience for the community.

The projects were all presented at an one day public square exhibition at the YBCA. My first time presenting work at a high profile art museum, so pretty cool!

The theme of this year’s fellowship was addressing equity. How did you approach this theme? (on your own and collaboratively?)

The topic of equity is really wide. We could start by talking about what it DOESN’T look like (racism, poverty, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, Islamphobia, misogyny etc) and that in itself is already a complex topic because of all the intersections. But finding examples of what equity DOES look like is much harder, especially in thinking about how to bring it to fruition. We spent several sessions workshopping some ideas on this and I don’t think we came close to even scratching the surface on the question.

One of the interesting points we brought up was whether equity is some horizon that we never actually reach because true equity is impossible and we spend our entire lives working towards it and maybe that’s the point that we’re struggling in process all the time. Darkness, pain, and trouble was one of the recurring themes in our discussion and needing to move through it to self heal and realize the love.

We spoke a lot about the public square and the intention behind it. Many of us thought that an one-day event wouldn’t be enough to really achieve everything we wanted (change the way community arts is done, catalyze some of the momentum from the post-election political revitalization), but we recognized it as the beginning rather than the end-all. That being said though, we wanted it to be as equitable and inclusive as possible, which included making it accessible to people who wouldn’t normally feel invited/comfortable to art museums. One of the things we fought for and won was provision of a higher number of complimentary tickets and promotion of YBCA’s pay-what-you-can membership offering. My project partner and I intentionally set our project outside so that we could reach people who weren’t otherwise going to go inside the museum. One of my highlights was in fact talking with an Iranian elder who wandered over from the Yerba Buena Gardens and sharing some fava bean salad with him, which made him remember Tehran.  

What was your creative process for this project? How long did it take and how much of the work was done either solely/with the project team vs input from others (not actually working on the project) along the way?

The fellowship was structured initially for monthly meetings over the course of a year. YBCA organized guest lecturers to showcase different examples of what equity could look like and facilitated some discussion during the meetings. But we didn’t get many opportunities in the beginning to talk with each other about what we thought equity looked like. A few of us started organizing outside meetings a few months in to get to know each other and attend community events to get ideas. But before that could take off, the aftermath of the national elections hit and we were all in a stupor over the holidays. And then finally, six months after we started, after we had a second round of cis white dudes presenting to us (a cohort on equity of all things), we put our foot down and decided to self organize.

It was really, really hard trying to restart in the middle of the year. Not only were we trying to get to know each other, we were also trying to schedule outside meetings for 30 people, hold each other accountable, figure out what exactly we were doing as a group and as individuals, figuring out project finances, and talk about this giant topic of equity. Needless to say, it was really exhausting and frustrating, particularly when the brunt of the labor of organizing/attending the extra meetings and herding all of us cats was done by the women/genderqueer folx in the group. And then after we had group meetings, we had project meetings with our project partners. Unfortunately, talking about logistics and organizing took up about 80% of our time and energy, with so little leftover to actually dive into the content.

But when we did get to connect, it was beautiful and illuminating. We had grand ideas for what the public square should be like and we knew we didn’t want it to look like a disjointed science fair with projects all over the place. We came up with the equity statement to help tie everything together and several of our projects were created with similar themes (games/play, benches as a metaphor for equity, etc). For my own project, I had approached my project partner Shalini with an idea early on in December and we kept up conversations about it, but didn’t get around to settling on a solid project until April. Meeting and working with Shalini was definitely one of the highlights of my fellowship experience. Shalini is the director of the California College of the Art’s Center for Art and Public Life and is super experienced guiding projects through, so it was really awesome to learn from her, especially the brainstorming process, which I always struggle with. It was also my first time doing production for an event like the public square, as much of my previous art is visual, so the process was quite different from what I was used to. And despite the high level of stress/frustration, it was also a good learning experience.   

Looking back, is there anything that you wish you had/the team had done differently?

Some reflections from our fellowship are written up here by Katherin Canton and Trisha Barua here but “moving at the speed of trust” sums it up pretty well. Because we didn’t get the time in the beginning to build relationships with each other and talk with each other, it was so much harder when we had to self organize because we couldn’t fall back on our relationships to hold each other accountable (and show up to meetings or even fill out the doodle poll to have said meeting). One of my biggest takeaways was that in any project, you have to get a solid working relationship before you can move forward.

Now that the fellowship is over, I feel like we’ve gotten to a space with each other where we’re much more comfortable supporting each other’s projects and making time to meet. We’re organizing monthly potlucks to maintain connections and maybe find projects to continue collaborating with each other. It’s a super rad group of people so I’m hopeful we find other places to work with each other.  

Just for fun…

What are your favorite comfort foods+drinks?

Milk tea, Hong Kong style pineapple buns, and egg tarts.

What do you do for self-care?

My art is my self care and my activism. I think art is a way to connect to people and change culture. When I have enough time and space, I’ll do art that talks about stories from the queer and trans Asian Pacific Islander community or the prison industrial complex. But other times, I’ll paint rabbits going on journeys because the world needs more light and joy too.

That and I read a lot. And do triathlons.

[thedivinefish]

TGIWednesday and is it just you?

TGIWednesday News

Here's my question... is it you and only you? Lately I have come across a lot of folks who are not fully present in their bodies for obvious reasons with all the Covid-19 issues and social distancing/home alone etc. Worse than that, some folks with multiple other entities in their bodies.  At face value it sounds kookee when I say it and read it, but it is real as real can get.  I had a client just the other day with crying/raging panic and after we cleared her of the other critters, she was laughing.  All this took place in a minute.  I know of no other FASTER modality.  So as they say, “check yourself before you wreck yourself” and use your fingers/pendulum or standing sway testing and make sure there is only you in your body.  Make the statement, "I (insert your birth name here) am the only being in this body."  Clear/fish as needed and believe me it can make a huge difference.  I even did it for my cat who was hiding and acting aloof and an hour later he got on the bed and licked my hand!  He is such a dude.  I love it and I love what we do and what we’re a part of... "regular folks" must be bored with out knowing all the fun stuff happening underneath it all...  and fyi, if you’re reading this, you’re not regular by any means :) Don’t forget to join us for our upcoming LIVE Zoom event scheduled for NEXT WEDNESDAY APRIL 29th.  I mentioned on the call last month that the next one would be on immunity but instead wound up releasing the Transcending Covid-19 Crisis audio which is now available in the shop.  In light of where things are focused now, we've updated the theme for this month to be about breaking through the energetic, emotional, financial barriers associated with the global lockdown. The Plandemic:  Moving Forward in Life After Covid-19   Wed April 29th - 30 minutes - $22 7:30 Eastern / 4:30 Pacific Replay sent to ALL who are registered Click here to sign up for the Zoom event:  https://calendly.com/jimmymackhealing/the-plandemic We want to turn on your switches for moving forward with inspiration, creativity, good health, improved relationships, making more money all in an effort to uplift you and help contribute to you obtaining your goals. Let's work together to get the best out of 2020!

What are your top five things you'd like to achieve once we're past quarantine and stay-at-home orders? Registered participants can email us at support@jimmymackhealing.com  and we'll include them in this call. 

Darius Season 19 Pkg B or C buyers can register for the live call for free. Go to the link on your special offer download page or wait and download the replay from that same page after the call. 

TGIWednesday Download

~ BEING FULLY PRESENT IN YOUR BODY~ I believe, think, know and feel I am the only being in this body. I am ready, willing and able to just be me linked to the power of the infinite. I know when, where, how and why to remain grounded, steadfast, and strong. I am receiving steady profound, direct and pure guidance from the one true source here and now in all languages and throughout all time lines and so it is.     

LIVE Appearances - Free Healing

Wed. May 13th The Alara Canfield Show  - Register Here Thurs. May 21st Soul Talk with Patty Malek - Register Here Mon. June 22nd - Straight Talk for the Soul w/ Cari Murphy - Register Here Thurs. July 30th - Your Divine Uniqueness with host Moncef Akfir - Register Here

Fish Food 

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell The Fish: 365 Daily Inspirations & Affirmations

APRIL 22nd "Today I will notice what is unusual, what shows up and what cannot be explained.  I will see the positive in the unusual, a promising future in the mystical.  I will believe that bigger and better days are ahead of me now."

From the Fish Box

"Hi Darius,  I just wanted to reach out to you and say THANK YOU for the opportunity to work with Jimmy Mack!  I am SO excited to tell you that not only have I received my freedom from past binding illnesses BUT I am now moving on to my calling TO BE A HEALER!  Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!" - Mary Jo M. / NY "I just had my one on one session today. Part of my preparation was to listen to your "Money Windfall" mp3 which specifically mentioned  "Mail box Money". Beyond my wildest expectations I received today $1,500...00 for Class Action Settlement. Thank you & Yahoooo... Big Hug," - Ruth Jean 

The Jimmy Mack Healing Radio Show

EVERY TUESDAY at 9pm EDT / 6pm PDT CALL (206) 806-9965 https://www.freeconferencecall.com/wall/goldylocksproductions **Starting in May, the LIVE radio show MOVES to 4pm Eastern/1pm Pacific

Click Here for Previous Weeks' Show and a full archive of past guests & replays.

Yesterday's Show - Special Guest  Mark Hernandez http://www.peopleandpetsenergetics.com Healer and Intuitive Message

April 28th Rev Debbie Dienstbier Visit her Facebook page Our resident trans medium communications with your loved ones in spirit.

The Jimmy Mack Healing Show is LIVE on Tuesday Nights at 9pm EDT  If you want to Listen in only, go to this website: https://www.freeconferencecall.com/wall/goldylocksproductions OR If you want to call in & ask a question CALL (206) 806-9965 No need to press #1, just dial in and you'll be in the queue. If the Call in Number above doesn’t seem to work, please use this back up Call in Number: (425) 535-9149 when prompted, enter 206.806.9965 followed by #  International Callers, click the link below for the International call in list for your country.  If you're using the Free Conference Call App, it automatically re-routes the best call In number for you.  Please unblock your phone number if you wish to speak with Jimmy and or his guest host. Blocked, Restricted and Private Callers are not brought on air.

Sessions at the Tampa Office 

FRIDAY KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS  *Appointments are either phone or Skype until further notice   

I'm scheduling 15 and 30 minute appointments at Kodawari Yoga Studios from 10am-2pm EVERY FRIDAY.*IMPT! You must call Kodawari directly to schedule times and dates with them AND pay them directly at the front desk prior to your appointment Call Kodawari's front desk directly to schedule (813) 773-4017 and pay at the concierge desk PRIOR  to your appointment - 15 minutes 38$ or 30 minutes 68$. 3965 Henderson Blvd Suite C Tampa (813) 773-4017 http://www.kodawariyoga.com/  

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

Nightly prayers include COVID-19 known as the Coronavirus. Each night we work on scrambling the frequency for everyone on the prayer list. Your name will be added to a special VIP Prayer list where Jimmy will use his intelligent computer software, src4you which runs 24/7, to delete the negative and increase the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of favorable outcomes for you.  

In addition, throughout the full 30-days, Jimmy will be dialing into your energetic signature each day upon rising and make certain that you are a clear yes, unclear to no and running forward before you start your day. He is doing the heavy lifting for you around 3am NY time while most of you are asleep in order to smooth out your way and increase your most favorable life outcomes.

The 30-day service is now being offered exclusively  and you also have the option of selecting an ongoing subscription ($95/month) which is managed through PayPal only.

Upon written email request, for each new order we offer a one-time email analysis via the intelligent healing software that Jimmy uses on your behalf.  Most clients have had amazing results and outcomes!

You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers. *NOTE if the MDP Service was purchased via a special telesummit or radio show offer, prayers will be limited to BUYER ONLY - and will not include family members or pets.

You can run this monthly and stop at any time after the 30 days is up, you will have the opportunity to renew and update your list each month but are under no obligation. I believe you will experience magical transformations and make progress every day! 

Sign Up for 30-Days - $99

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime! All Mastery Students:  Check your email & Login to view all the newly upgraded content including new books and audios!    

"Jimmy's My Liquid Fish Change Made Simple program is AMAZING!!! He gives you not only videos so you can see the changes within people, but also the books he's written as well! On top of that he's provided all the links and visuals you need so ANY type of learner can do it!!  I appreciated having it to download in a PDF so I can go back to it any time, plus the books and ACTUAL healing sessions so you see, know and understand the whole process even better!!Highly recommend to ANYONE looking to change and make not only their life... but everyone's around them better as well!!" - E.J. / Florida

The Certificate of Mastery Program includes 2 best-selling ebooks and 2 clearing audios plus written & video instructions, AND one-on-one time with Jimmy ALL for about the cost of a single 1-hr session! This online course is for anyone who is familiar with OR new to "fishing" and is ready to dive into the deep end & get results that are beyond the ordinary! It includes The Tackle Box & The Dowser's Handbook ebooks PLUS 2 MP3s "Clearing Dark Energies" & "Increasing Your Intuition" to help clear, strengthen and prepare your energy field for optimal “fishing” results. This is a work-at-your-own-pace curriculum that will TEACH & CLEAR you at the same time! In under 2wks you will be finished with the program and ready to fish on your own with greater results! Level II offers Practitioner Certification for those who qualify.

LEARN MORE HERE

For those who aren't familiar, here's the list of the MyBeliefWorks™ audio library. 

Find a topic that addresses your issue(s), click on the link to read more. We had a lot of help downloading & channeling these over the years & they keep getting better. Don't forget... you can share these with you immediate friends and family.

Abundance Abuse Addiction Body Scan: Head to Toe COVID-19 Daily GPS Reset Dark Energies/Fears Decision Making Diet & Exercise Education & Learning Family & Relatives The Gold Coin Healing Physical Body Healing Mental Stress Holiday Stress

Increasing Intuition IRS & Tax Time Love & Romance Money Mindset Moving Forward Pain Relief Pet Healing Sales & Success Improving Sex Improving Sleep Traveling w/Ease Work & Career Weight Loss Windfall Youth & Vitality

TGIFunny

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Jimmy Mack | Appointments Skype: Jimmy.Mack55 Clearwater Florida USA Book a 15 minute session Book a 30 minute session Book a 60 minute session ​ ​​Transformational Healing of Body, Mind​ & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations!​ ​ Download the My Liquid Fish® Starter Kit (*Updated May 2019) Audio MP3 Downloads​ and books​ to improve your life! Get Certified in ​My Liquid Fish® Change Made Simple® Watch Free Videos on YouTube Weekly Radio Show Archives Shop for ​Supplements ​ http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com www.jimmymackhealing.com Copyright ©1998-2020 All Rights Reserved  

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