#but listen. they're so so messed up. it compels me <3

[scattered-winter]

ok winter...it's my turn now: jaykyle. i am intrigued, and i'd like to know as much as is feasible to tell me. (it's killing me to send something this open-ended but i feel like i don't actually know enough about them to be more specific.)

TEEHEE <3333 SOOOO GLAD YOU ASKED BECAUSE I CARE THEM <33

jaykyle is a ship between two of my favorite dc characters, jason todd and kyle rayner. they're both sooo fascinating on their own AND as a pairing and I just <3333 this is gonna get long because 1) they both have very long and complicated stories that's gonna take a bit to unpack and 2) I love them <33 and I love to talk about them <333 a bit of forewarning, but comics storylines are RIDICULOUSLY complicated and pretty much every single character has more origins, timelines, and personalities than you can shake a stick at. in the comics fandom we take marie kondo's words to heart because if we tried to stick to What Canon Says, we would be running in circles all day because everything contradicts itself. everything is canon and nothing is canon and if it doesn't spark joy, it isn't true <3 I'll explain everything to the best of my ability but it's gonna get Real Complicated Real Fast

tw for death (child and otherwise)

jason todd (playlist) is part of the batfam (group of vigilantes associated with batman) and he's also part of the wayne family (by adoption). I looked everywhere for the panels to show how he was introduced because it's objectively the funniest way to introduce any character but alas, they have eluded me so I'll just tell you: he grew up in the poorer parts of gotham city with his parents, catherine and willis todd. willis got caught up in two-face's gang (because gotham city as a whole has a trend of eating its people alive/forcing them to do crime because they're desperate and have no choice etc etc) and ended up getting killed because of it, and catherine died of an illness, leaving jason to fend for himself on the streets.* he is brought into the story by jacking the tires off the BATMOBILE, and getting caught by batman himself. in response to this he hits batman with a tire iron, calls him a big boob, and runs away (and in the process making bruce laugh out loud in the same place his parents died which makes me SOO OUGHOUGHOUGHOUGH)

*catherine and willis both loved jason very much, but recent comics have portrayed willis as abusive/catherine as neglectful, which doesn't spark joy for me personally so I tend to ignore those ones and stick to the others where they were genuinely loving parents who fell on hard times.

the original robin, dick grayson, recently moved on from the mantle and went to live somewhere else,* so bruce adopted jason and started training him as the new robin. he was a very bright, very loving boy who enthusiastically went to school and read books and loved bruce so so much and bruce loved him because that was his KID.**

*I can't remember if he went to live with the titans or went to gotham's sister city, bludhaven; but in any case he ends up in bludhaven eventually and operates there as nightwing

**In more recent comics, jason's robin days are portrayed as him being brash and violent (new drinking game: take a shot every time a comic describes robin jason as "angry" or "reckless" smfh) and of course while being a vigilante involves violence, and being a well-rounded character, jason did indeed have moments of anger, I strongly dislike this way of thinking because it takes so much away from his character and you'll see what I mean by that in a minute.

however, the happy days weren't gonna last. jason discovered that catherine todd wasn't his biological mother, and he had found some evidence pointing to who his birth mother was. (I think it was a birth certificate that was partially damaged so he couldn't see the whole name but it's been a while since I've read the comic where that happens so don't quote me on that) but regardless of how he found out, jason set out to find his real mother. he'd narrowed down the list of possible mothers to a few different women, so he found them each in turn and ruled them out as he went. he ran away from home to go on his little self-discovery mission, and the only reason bruce didn't go after him was because the joker had a big scheme with a nuclear missile that kinda took precedence. but by pure happenstance, they ran into each other and decided to work together for both their goals (stopping joker AND finding jason's mom). eventually jason and bruce narrowed the list down to one woman: sheila haywood. they travelled to ethiopia to find her, and jason actually did, but moments after meeting her, sheila betrayed him and handed him over to the joker, who proceeded to beat jason within an inch of his life with a crowbar while sheila watched.

(batman: a death in the family)

he then tied up sheila and left them both to die in the warehouse because he rigged it with a bomb. jason, despite being betrayed by her literally minutes before, stopped to untie her to get her out instead of saving himself. but the bomb went off with them both inside, just in time for batman (who had been frantically rushing to the warehouse as soon as he heard that jason had been captured) to see the explosion <3

(batman: a death in the family)

and the thing that REALLY fucks me up is that even after everything she did to him, jason still used himself as a human shield to try and protect sheila. these two panels have literally caused me lasting damage

(batman: a death in the family)

this is also why the narrative of jason being reckless makes me so angry. he didn't die because he was a reckless idiot who rushed into danger without a thought, he died because he tried to save a woman who nearly got him killed. he died shielding her with his own body even though she betrayed him literally a few minutes earlier. some comic writers have rewritten the scene to take out sheila entirely, but that takes away a huge part of the story!!!! jason didn't die because he was reckless!! he died because he was trying to save someone!!!! I will literally fight people on that to my grave smh

bruce brought jason's body back to gotham and buried him, and was never really the same after that (but that's a topic for another ramble because this is about THE BOY <3)

this is where things get a little trippy <3 first thing you gotta know about comic books is that death is RARELY permanent. the exact details are lost on me since I tend to avoid the big crisis events (and the headache they give me) but basically superboy-prime punches the fabric of the universe and kinda .. breaks some things. and jason wakes up in his coffin (slightly zombified), six feet underground. after clawing his way out of his own fucking grave, jason gets hit by a fucking CAR and is then taken in by talia al ghul (one of bruce's past lovers, daughter of ra's al ghul [leader of the league of assassins]). talia put jason in something called a lazarus pit, which is basically a pool of green bubbly goo that can resurrect someone (ra's al ghul is hundreds of years old and keeps himself alive with the pits). jason came fully back to life and stayed with talia for a time, during which he travelled the world to be trained by some of the best/most notorious fighters and assassins all over the globe. at this point, he'd been dead for quite a while (a year AT LEAST) and so when he finds out that the joker is still fucking ALIVE, it's .... a shock, to say the least. it's a very complicated issue because batman's deepest-rooted rule is to Never Kill, and there were a lot of underlying circumstances preventing him from killing the joker right after jason's death (despite really, really wanting to) but the thing is. the joker just keeps killing and hurting people, and he gets put in arkham asylum, and escapes and kills more people, then gets put in arkham again, and it's just a vicious cycle where the joker just keeps hurting more and more people. and like. jason got murdered by the joker and the guy is still fucking alive and murdering more people. so he heads off to gotham with a huge plan to confront bruce and make him choose once and for all: kill the joker, or let jason die. this whole arc is my very favorite comic book of all time, batman: under the red hood <333 basically jason becomes a crime boss called red hood (which was the joker's old alias before he became...well, the joker) and plots CIRCLES around bruce, joker, and the other crime bosses. they're literally his pawns the entire time <3 but this all comes to a head when jason traps batman, the joker, and himself in a room where he finally reveals his identity to batman and gives him an ultimatum: kill the joker, or kill him. he had the whole place rigged with explosives so that no matter what bruce chose, they would still blow up (as a form of insurance? as a form of suicide? who knows!)

I'd like to point out the obvious and say that jason was NOT in a great state of mind during this whole thing. like. this post highlights it very well imo, but tl:dr jason didn't really...make a plan for after the showdown. it was clear that he had a single goal in mind, which was facing off with bruce and the joker once and for all, and it was also clear how it would end because he knew deep down that bruce would never kill the joker. so he knew he would die going into it but he didn't really care. he did in fact die at the end of under the red hood, since he was originally meant to be a one-off character, but he was so popular that dc sorta erased his death at the end of utrh and established him as a main batfam player.

jason's post-resurrection characterization is REALLY inconsistent, but really at his core, he's deeply traumatized and angry, and his driving motivation is to save gotham in what he deems is the "right" way: killing criminals so that they're no longer a problem. which, considering how many times supervillains break out of arkham and wreak havoc, isn't really that far of a stretch. but because of batman's firm moral stance on killing, the two have a very .... complicated relationship. but regardless jason has one of the coolest designs in the entire batfam in my opinion <3

(batman: three jokers)

(red hood and the outlaws) (I hate this comic for what it did to the other characters but the art was pretty at least)

sometimes he's drawn with a white streak in his hair (a side effect of the lazarus pit) which is one of my FAVORITE looks for him <33 and he's a regular contender for my icon because he's my blorbo bingus blob boy <3333

BUT ANYWAY <333 ON TO KYLE <333

disclaimer: I haven't been reading kyle's comics as long as I have jason's (jason was my gateway character who first got me into comics in the first place so I had a lot more time to really dig into his comics and characterization) and there's a lot of info about each character that's kind of...absorbed over time. because there's so many different stories and comics about each character, it's hard to find everything they appear in, and since I haven't been reading kyle for as long, I don't consider myself an expert on him in any way but I'll do my best to talk about him because he's my favorite green lantern <3

(playlist) in order to explain kyle, first I need to explain hal jordan. he's the Original green lantern (meaning when you think of the dc superhero green lantern, he's probably the one who comes to mind despite there being more lanterns than I can count. he's the most well-known by FAR) but basically, the green lanterns are an intergalactic military/police force led by the guardians (a bunch of really tiny blue guys). they use green power rings that are fueled by willpower, and so only someone with a lot of willpower (specifically, the will to "overcome great fear") can be a green lantern. (there's a ring for every color on the spectrum, but that's another ramble for another day). hal jordan had been losing faith in the lantern corps for a long time, but the last straw was when his hometown, coast city, was destroyed. hal basically went into a massive grief spiral and tried to bring back the entire city and didn't have enough power to do that, so he took on the name parallax and murdered pretty much the entire corps, and most of the guardians to absorb the main green power source to get enough power to Resurrect The City. but one guardian managed to escape to earth, where he found kyle rayner and gave him the last green power ring.

being practically the only green lantern left, kyle had to defeat parallax and restore the corps practically by himself. and the thing about kyle is that he's the GOOFIEST guy on the planet (affectionate). upon finding out that he's now a superhero he proceeds to immediately go tell his ex-girlfriend about it (alex <333) and they have a photoshoot of him in his suit. I fucking love them <333

but alas!!! happy days don't last <3 kyle leaves alex alone for literally only a few minutes to go be a hero, and while he's gone, one of green lantern's biggest enemies breaks into her apartment and murders her. kyle comes back to find her dead body stuffed inside the fridge (fun fact: that's actually where the term "fridging" came from <3) and he proceeds to. torture and almost kill the guy who did it. we love an unhinged icon <3

(green lantern #55)

it's been a while since I've read his origin comic, but kyle eventually defeats parallax. further down the line, he becomes a white lantern (mega-powerful because it has the powers of all the colors in the spectrum, not just green) and in my personal favorite comic, also becomes ion (basically the living embodiment of green lantern power. also basically a god) and tbh it's his BEST look of all time

(ion: guardian of the universe)

like I said, I don't really have as clear of an idea of kyle's timeline since there's a few gaps in my reading, but the essentials is that he literally can't keep a girlfriend because they keep dying, and he continuously gets the power of a literal god and is so humble and heroic about it that it never goes to his head. but he also consistently tortures and kills without really showing any remorse whatsoever <33 he has the range <33

BUT. AT LAST. WE GET TO JAYKYLE. THE THING YOU ASKED ABOUT IN THE FIRST PLACE. there's only ONE comic that I know of where they actually interact on-panel, and that's countdown presents: the search for ray palmer. it's tied in with countdown to final crisis, which is one of the biggest dc events of all time, and I haven't read it and probably never will because the big crises always give me SUCH a headache to try and understand </3 but I HAVE read search for ray palmer because <3 of them <3

essentially it's a story where the atom (ray palmer) gets lost in the multiverse and so 3 people who are already kind of...Outside the Mainstream Timeline embark on a multiverse journey to find him. those 3 people? jason todd, kyle rayner, and donna troy. jason is only alive because the timeline shattered, kyle was literally a time-and-reality-altering god not just once, but multiple times, and donna troy has also died and come back and like. is the only comics character with Self Awareness (remember when I said every comic book character has a gazillion different origins and reboots? donna remembers ALL of them <3) and so all three of them are affectionately referred to as "cosmic mistakes" because. they're literally irregularities in the cosmic timestream. and I love them for it <3

the reason I'm a jaykyle truther is because. they're so fucking funny in that comic. they argue in pretty much every single panel they share, but their internal monologues are....very, very homoeretic.

(kyle, about jason) (countdown: search for ray palmer: wildstorm)

(jason, about kyle) (countdown to final crisis #33)

and honestly, it's about how fucked up they would be together. they would tear each other apart and also tear apart everyone else and it would be a horrible time for everyone involved <3 there are ships for cute cuddles and then there are ships for fucking killing each other and jaykyle is the second one <3333

[attn-all-pickpockets]

top 5 txf episodes

I loved this prompt but also it was very hardddd, I mostly chose ones that I never shut up about lmao

"Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose"

This is my girl, this is my ride or die. I was in the Northeast when the first category 1 hurricane hit in like 50 years and I had to drive through the outer bands in a rental car with a spare tire on it and when we got home I made everyone watch this because it's my comfort episode that accompanies me through moments of triumph as well as crisis. Scully befriending the depressed old man psychic is such a great storyline for Scully and this whole ep really lets her shine. Scully has such a kindness and playfulness that she typically only shows with Mulder, but her fondness for the deadpan comedy stylings of Bruckman made her fond of him and her heartbreak when he dies is such a perfect scene. Also I just think of her smile and "there are hits and there are misses, and then there are misses :)" a lot.

2. "Leonard Betts"

If someone asked me what is the episode of The X Files that feels like the quintessential episode, I would say "Leonard Betts", which I think some would think as a weird choice. But this episode is what this show was at the height of its popularity to me. It aired after the Superbowl and the cold open is one of its best with a beheading, followed by the corpse waltzing right out of the morgue. The banter between Mulder and Scully is top notch and full of perfect Mulder quips ("blinked or winked?") and incredulous Scully deliveries ("Mulder, they're worms") and even if the scientific explanation of "evolutionary cancer" is deeply ludicrous from a scientific perspective, it is a great x-file. And the ENDING of finding out Scully has cancer is such a gut punch, just a phenomenal hour of tv.

3. "Paper Clip"

This is on here because I love the Anasazi/The Blessing Way/Paper Clip trilogy so much and I have to shout it out. I will always cape for early mythology because I think the fact that became a muddled mess makes people forget how damn good it was to begin with. So much of the early character work was done in these episodes and they're so compelling. Bringing in real history with Operation Paper Clip and connecting Mulder's father to the people Mulder is trying to investigate was a great move (that they didn't totally deliver on imo, but "sins of the father" is a great idea at the very least) and expanding the scope and complicity in the conspiracy really put what Mulder and Scully were up against in perspective. Mulder relenting and choosing to go out of hiding for Scully so she could see her sister and their conversation in the hospital room after Melissa died are some of my favorite moments of the show.

4. "Folie a Deux"

It's hard to pick a Vince episode and this could just as easily be "Pusher" (which was the episode that got me to seriously ship msr) or "Bad Blood" or almost any other episode he wrote, but "Folie a Deux" is special to me. Mulder's mental wellness and people's belief that he's crazy has been an angle that has always been present and Vince framing this as a joint delusion on Mulder and Scully's part is so fascinating and a fantastic bit or writing to me. Mulder is so discredited and dismissed in this episode and the only person who listens to him is Scully and that's a perfect distillation of their dynamic and the show itself. Also the episode is Marxist to me.

5. "Jose Chung's From Outer Space"

I thought to myself "well I can't have two Darin episodes on here" but…of course I can! This is one of the greatest episodes of TV of all time. Not just of sci-fi or network or pre-00s TV, of all TV ever made. This is one of the episodes that sets The X Files apart from its clones or other cop procedural shows and it's that it can switch genres and tones and bring this post-modern, storyline hopping masterpiece out and no one thinks twice about its place in the show or season. A lot gets said about how funny it is and the melancholic tone Darin brings to his writing, but I find myself so impressed by they way the writing and directing work to make the timeline jumping work and not end up confusing the viewer. I'll eventually talk about this more, but the shot construction to create anchor points between a re-enactment and the scene of the narrator telling this story to Mulder and Scully is so great.

[ae-neon]

You know amidst all the wonderful discussions we have had in our small corner of the acotar community, a thing that has been on my mind since I've first joined and got invested in all of this in back in 2021, is the thing about the Archeron sister's transformation into fae and the aftermath of it. And my deep disappointment that the author like many other things in her books overlooks or only once briefly touchs upon. Like maybe it's partly because I have read admittedly a lot of vampire turning stories on where they have to adjust to their new reality, but realistically I think that all of the sisters shouldn't have accepted their circumstances that quickly. Like, the humans grew up on stories and tales of the fae, the fae still terrorized the humans on the other side of the wall all this time until Book 1 and past that, their fears are absolutely justified (no matter how Miss Maas tries to tell us the opposite, because what the fuck???) and bc of the sisters involvement they get pulled into the mess eventually, Elain and Nesta get kidnapped, their house burned to the ground and imprisoned for hours until they get dragged into a eldritch sentient cauldron and forcibly/painfully turned for an fairy king's test experimentation, for some kind of sick spectacle. And obviously this is deeply scarring. But like they should have had a lot more difficulty in their healing journeys to come to terms with their loss of humanity. From everything they ever knew and were completely uprooted and ripped away from. And now they should be apparently grateful for that? they should just adapt to fae culture like nothing without any problems? and completely enstrange themselves from their human origins and own culture and customs because humans are lesser inferior beings? this is messed up like holy fuck and it makes me very angry.

Like there should have problems/conflict with body dysphoria, culture shock, cultural misunderstandings and difficulty to adapt* (*to faeness and immortality/longevity). Maybe even struggle with how they get perceived by fae for being born as humans, the good bad and ugly. What it truly means to be human, and eventually becoming comfortable with themselves once again and reluctantly reconciling both halfs and finding peace one day. And I mean as the characters are immortal this arc could span over decades and go slow. But SJM wants her cake without eating it, wants her characters to go from point A to Z without putting any effort at all into it. It makes me frustrated because it could have been so compelling and interesting.

Yeah this tirade got very long, but I hope it overall makes sense ~

Hey

Here's sjm eating the nonexistent cake: the sisters get a pinch traumatized but ultimately they should be grateful they can now be fucked (in both ways) for eternity. And adjusting? Don't worry about that there was no real distinction, besides magic, to begin with.

From the perspective of a Nesta fan

While reading this I realised all my ACOSF au snippets and headcanon include Nesta settling and adjusting to her own body and mind years after she leaves the NC.

Because they're short n sweet it's mostly physical from learning how to sleep without hyper-focusing on the sound of the ocean, to making a habit of walking and winnowing.

But can you imagine the mental adjustment? To immortality?? Sorry, but I'd take myself out if you know what I mean. I'm not doing 100 years or 500 years or eternity.

Now the reason this is all waved away is because Sarah Says so.

That's the rule to truly enjoying her books. Listen to what Sarah Says. Even when her own writing contradicts this - that's the fandom rule : Sarah Says.

This was way longer and turned into a Nessian Rant (PART 3 BABY!! WE'RE BACK) so I'll cut that and make it its own post.

[fcntasmas]

ceecee NO warning at all before putting that creddie gifset on my dash?? 😭 please take some accountability for the way i just spent the last few hours binging the show and realizing that the icarly reboot is FEEDING the creddie crops my adolescent self had planted and had thought were long dead? I can't believe this is the way I am realizing this! I am in shambles! Like. GOD there's just something so personal to me about freddie who has constantly been in relationships with women in his life who have walked all over him and hurt him, now actually really FINALLY being endgame with the one girl he's loved from when they were KIDS, who also happens to be the one girl who has always been kind to him 😭 shambles, ceecee! Im in shambles!!!!

no warning at all we traverse into our preteen years like men

i'm so happy to know you binge watched it though fjsakdlfjklsda i've only just convinced @jamiestartt to watch it after she finishes succession and she was a sam/freddie girlie but she's coming around to my way of thinking bc she loves me <3

but also, listen!! my absolute favorite thing about how they're handling this is how they've shown both of them have grown and are working on having a healthy friendship — they've both acknowledged that their relationship as children was, at best, Imbalanced, but now both of them are like. they have so much life experience under their belts and so many years of actual, genuine close friendship that it just. it MAKES SENSE now and it!! it makes me so happy actually

because, like. ok. icarly on nickelodeon was not meant to be taken seriously, obviously. but the fact that these new writers acknowledge that the people watching this reboot are probably the people who are grown up now as well, and that if they want to write a compelling, more mature show, they're gonna have to acknowledge some of the weird, stupid shit That One Man made canon in the original and, like. CORRECT IT. and they do. they bring it up and fix it without once losing its charm and energy

so like!! now they're written as two adults, best friends, who know each other inside and out and have so much love for each other and have been through so much with each other so of course it makes sense and wow i really just. wrote that many words about the icarly reboot huh lmfao i'm a mess this is so embarrassing

[troglobite]

laskfjsl

okay separately i watched season 3 of hilda and was a sobbing mess for the last 35 minutes of the final episode.

also i would bet money that netflix shortchanged them and said "FINE you get ONE more season. but it's only EIGHT episodes, because fuck you."

because season 3 could easily have been 2 more seasons on its own. like come the fuck on.

they introduced AND resolved their ENTIRE FAMILY LORE in fucking EIGHT EPISODES. that's shitfucking absurd.

but also i cannot begin to comprehend how AMAZINGLY they executed that to make me a sobbing, blubbering mess at the end. absolutely fucking destroyed me.

something about hilda just. really. fucking hits me. which is wild because i don't identify with her at all. i find her mildly annoying because, like my mom, when children recklessly endanger themselves by ignoring their friends and parents in media, it drives me UP THE FUCKING WALL.

i got immune to it as i watched, and the world of the show also goes out of its way to demonstrate that realistically, in this world, nothing's gonna happen to hilda. the consequences are always otherworldly or strange or narrative, and she can tumble down as many cliffsides as she wants and be fine. and so can everyone else! absurdity. but it means that when she doesn't listen, it's like, well yeah i guess to you your mom WOULD be overprotective, because you've scaled sheer cliff faces and tumbled to what, in the REAL world, would be sure death, and come out almost entirely unscathed. so yeah i get it. lol

and it matches the fantasy/magical world of the show so it works.

but anyway point being i don't relate to her in any way, or any of the characters, really. and i'm not someone who HAS to to care about or enjoy a piece of art or media, CLEARLY.

but i mention it to say that something about the show, story, characters, art, ethos and thesis, etc. just absolutely gutpunches me.

the deerfox episode? bawling every time i watch it. absolutely emotionally devastating.

and i don't cry at every episode. i am COMPELLED by it, though. it makes me FEEL and THINK. it's just so well done.

and the series finale, all 80 minutes of it, just absolutely destroyed me.

it was a situation where i could see all the narrative beats and the "twists" before they were revealed, but all that means is i'm an adult watching a children's show and they're incredibly good storytellers for me to know what's happening.

and knowing it, and knowing likely how it would end, etc., i was still absolutely devastated.

and they make you reckon with SERIOUS SHIT in the finale. even though everything ended up being okay, they really made the stakes REAL. and it was HEAVY!

and just so effective.

i was bummed because in looking up who the voice actor for mr. pooka was, i got spoiled for some plot points and i was REALLY annoyed about that.

but then they ended up being relatively minor plot points because it didn't reveal anything about the CONTEXT of those reveals, so they were still incredibly impactful.

oh one thing, though, and i guess spoilers for season 3 if you haven't watched it (and i HIGHLY recommend it. seasons 1 and 2 and the movie are AMAZING, and season 3 is DEVASTATINGLY good)

when her dad shows the fuck up out of nowhere and is like "haha i'm cool, right? :D you take after me! let's go do things! haha i'm completely broke! let's go out to eat! i have a weird job to do, yeah, come with me! haha lemme let you drive at an unreasonably young age! we're out in the middle of nowhere, it's fine!"

let's just say i sat stonefaced or grimacing through that entire episode, reliving some extremely identical memories of my own. lol

spoilers over

anyway, something about the heart of the show is so profoundly moving, and i absolutely love it. i highly recommend it, and i am in awe of how much they accomplished in season 3.

also miriam margoyles is in it!

[dzpenumbra]

6/25/23

It got late again, but here I am. I was pulled into streams today, there were very compelling storylines playing out. It was most of the day, actually.

My whole rhythm was just off today, I don't even really know why. I didn't start my day with yoga. I guess it was the RP that did it. I usually do yoga, then maybe put headphones in and listen to a stream while working out, or listen to music, either or. But today... I just didn't. I think I just fired up a game instead, but none of the games I've been playing have been scratching that itch.

After a little bit, I got back to work on my Zen Garden project. As planned, I tried to use wind to separate the sand from the gravel. I brought my box fan down and tried that, but... somehow it wasn't really strong enough. I'm sure if I left it for a few hours it might've had an effect... but it just wasn't really doing it for me. Then I used a handheld air compressor thing that I got to clean my PC, held about 4 feet away, and that thing fucking worked... but it worked too well.

It separated the gravel and the sand very effectively, but it brought a lot of the sand airborne and out of the cardboard box setup that I made. I tried setting up the box vertically, with the dish in the bottom, so the sand would blow out around the sides, but it still sent big puffs of sand out into the air. So... I really don't know how else to do that, I'd really need to basically encase the whole thing in a plastic bag so the sand doesn't escape... but then I can't damn see. It's a shame because what I was doing was very effective, it was separating the sand from the micro gravel really well. There was just a lot of loss and it was making a mess. So... I started going back to water separation.

Basically, I'm taking the sand/microgravel mixture and putting it in a glass cooking dish, adding a small amount of water and just working it until the water is very muddy looking; full of particles. Then carefully dumping the water into a separate container, then repeating the process until the water is as clean as possible. Then, I wait for the muddy water to settle, and separate the clean water from the sand so it can dry. This produces super-fine sand. And, unfortunately... the process isn't perfect. There's still a lot of fine sand left behind with the gravel that just... isn't being picked up for whatever reason. It takes longer and it's more work, but it's a zero-waste solution.

Later in the night, I realized... my sieves are getting here tomorrow. XD At least they're supposed to be. Those are going to be a godsend for sorting gravel by size. I'm just... not sure what sizes I got. I'm afraid they may be more focused on larger sizes. I don't know if any of them are going to be any smaller than a normal kitchen sifter, which is what I've been using. I'm just not sure where else I can find a finer mesh that still lets shit through. I was debating using coffee filters before, but... I think those are going to be too tight a mesh to even let sand particles through. I wanted to get a flour sifter when I got my groceries delivered, I feel like those have to be finer than normal kitchen sifters... but they didn't have any. So yeah, the sieves are going to be great for sorting the gravel in general, but I might have to keep doing this water separation method too. Idk. But I feel like having super-fine sand creates a very different aesthetic, and I like the whole transformative process of getting from cheap all-purpose sand mix to super-fine sand. I like the problem-solving, the troubleshooting, it's very rewarding.

I did end up doing yoga and working out around midnight, right before cooking dinner. Yoga... I kinda just did a few stretches, honestly. The workout was super intense. It was 3 sets of this circuit - 10 sit-ups, 10 sit-up punches, 10 sit-ups, 10 crunch kicks, 10 sit-up punches, 10 crunch kicks. With a 2 minute break between. It was pretty rough. But I made it through it. I can actually feel myself losing weight, like I can feel it in my skin. And more than that, my muscles are getting much stronger. It's a nice feeling. It's only been a bit over 2 weeks. It's been a lot of work, that's no lie, but I'm surprised how much of a difference so little time has made.

And... that was pretty much my day. Troubleshooting sand stuff, watching really good RP, working out, making fried rice.

Oh, and my bean plants are fucking huge. I woke up and all three were fully sprouted in one container, two in the other. And they're all like 4-6" tall. I'm really gonna have to stay ahead of staking them, I don't wanna get caught off guard with this. Gonna have to go gather some big sticks. The tomato seems to be doing okay, it and the pepper plant have flowers which are starting to bloom. :) That tomato plant is so damn big, it's like... at least 3 feet tall now. It just dwarfs every other plant in the apartment. The baby succulents are coming along very nicely, and more and more little buds are starting to pop up and I'm starting to go "oh shit, what did I get myself into..." But I'll figure it out, they can grow in pretty much anything. My Pothos starters though... They're healthy and all, they look fine, they're just... not really growing. I expected them to grow super fast, considering they're very vine-like. But some don't even really seem to be doing anything but moving their leaves around. The ones that have sprouted are just kinda... going slow. I don't really know what else I can do for them, maybe give them some more light? I don't know, maybe I just had the wrong expectations, maybe they aren't a fast-growing plant. It's not the end of the world either way, I just wanna make sure they're doing okay. The Night-Blooming Jasmine is done with its bloom, it shed all its flowers and is now sprouting new branches like fucking crazy. I'm probably going to have to prune it already just to corral the growth a bit, keep it contained. The orchid seems to just be kinda... hibernating, I guess. It's very healthy; the leaves are in great shape, stems are trimmed and fine, roots are healthy. I've just gotta figure out what to do about this distilled water thing, its roots have a kinda chemical burn look to them on the top and I read that's because of using tap water instead of distilled water. So... I have a plan and setup for distilling water, I just haven't really gotten around to it yet. So... all-in-all... the indoor garden is doing great.

Re-telling my nightmare in my journal last night got me really jumpy and anxious. It was tough to get to sleep for a bit because of it. I got there but it was definitely a bit of a battle. It's always really really tough when you're physically exhausted but your mind really doesn't want to go to bed for fear of the dreams you might have. But I'm pretty sure it was totally okay, and I don't remember having bad dreams, so it worked out.

Okay, enough rambling, I want to do tarot. I actually want to get a tiny bit of ice cream too. It's been super hot today, for some reason, and I just had a craving. I'm just gonna do one scoop instead of the 3 I used to do every night. I'm gonna actually put it in writing that this is not going to be a habit, just a "getting through a tough time on a hot day" thing. Then tarot right after.

Past - Ten of Cups, inverted (Settling down, well-being, a happy family, simple pleasures.  Harmony and joy shared with loved ones.) Present - Knight of Swords, inverted (Clarity from confusion. Rugged, fierce, determined, logical. Deliverer of answers, but frank to a fault.) Future - IV: The Emperor, inverted (A powerful, dominant, strategic and protective figure of great influence and reach.  Symbolically, important changes, a shift in power, new responsibilities or authority. Adjacently symbolizes stability.)

Aww. -_- Inverted Ten of Cups is such a sad card. And it's where we're starting. Ten of Cups is the happy ending, the wife and the kid and the house with the picket fence, running off into the sunset. Inversion here being... I don't know. A missed opportunity? Or something that got (or is getting) in the way?

This is connected to inverted Knight of Swords. I'm honestly not entirely sure. I know I've gotten this before... I know Queen and King of Swords, but for some reason I'm struggling with Page and Knight of Swords. Okay, I looked it up to clarify for myself, which... ironically... is the answer. Knight of Swords is clarity. I want to sorta come up with simple associations to get the gist, but I fear simplifying the symbols too much. As a start, let's try... Page = epiphany, encountering the truth, Knight = clarity, delivering the truth, Queen = facing truth (on both sides), King = living with the truth, leading by example. Again, these symbols are not that simple - as personalities are not as simple as one word - but it's a start to remember them. This Knight is also inverted, so... same deal, something preventing this symbol from manifesting.

And to round out the trio, we have inverted Emperor. A symbol of planning, structure, expansion. Or it can represent a man of great power and reach. I don't often consider cards representing other people much, which I really need to change a bit. Very few people are as isolated as me and can just assume that the cards represent aspects of themselves rather than people around them. With Emperor inverted, we can see the dark sides of conquest, or a bad influence of rulers.

Yeah, so... about that whole "cards representing other people in your life" thing. That can apply to a lot. Some cards are pretty clearly representing... events or moments... or forces of nature... but others are pretty clearly representing personalities. Like... The Tower is clearly not a person; Wheel of Fortune, Three of Wands and Ace of Cups are clearly not people. But the face cards can very clearly represent personality types. The Emperor and Knight of Swords I would definitely include in that.

So, on to connecting the dots here. What got in the way of my happy ending? Was there ever one in the works, honestly? I've had like 2 real relationships... and one was about 6 whole months and she really wasn't that into me and abandoned me twice when I had a fucking blood clot in my shit. The other took my savings, lived in my house without paying rent for 2 years, rented another apartment in the same town while living with me, put us on a "break" to sleep with someone and still to this day never admitted it, and started hooking up with a coworker less than 2 weeks after our 3 year relationship ended. So... if there really was potential for a happy ending with either of those two people? I'm just not seeing it. So... what is getting in-between me and my happy ending? The cards say... --- Oh, before I go further, Ten of Cups isn't just about a romantic ending. It's also just... harmony with loved ones in general. Just putting that in there. --- A blockage between me and this Knight of Swords character. Having clarity, seeing the truth of it all, and being able to act on it all. Which, admittedly is absolutely a problem for me. I often feel naïve, and I let my desire to "be a good guy" overpower my awareness of what's going on around me, and prevent me from getting out of difficult social situations. Now... I don't trust myself enough to be able to discern whether a relationship is toxic or not. I mean... my last "date" was a very recently divorced mother of two who told me she had herpes and recently got out of the psych ward of a hospital (she said for drinking and fighting with her then husband and he didn't feel safe? So he got her sent up?) and she thought a nice first "date" would be to come over to my house and bring 2 full goat skeletons worth of bones for me, because I said on my profile that I was "interested in getting into stone, wood and bone carving". And I didn't screen out any of that. I'd say... the Knight of Swords would be able to see the red flags there, yeah? That's the best I can figure out there. And this somehow results in... what... having a strong domineering presence in my life that's super controlling, possessive and unstable? I mean... that checks out, right?

I'm super tired. This is the best I have for right now. Oooo the bonus placeholder card is a new one, so I wanna do that real quick.

Bonus - Seven of Cups (Wishful thinking, fantasy.  Letting imagination run wild, disregarding key facts.)

I kinda feel like I'm kinda there right now. Like I'm not reading this spread accurately, like it's kinda forced and it's getting super late. So... fuck it. Learning the cards is the most important part of this process right now.

(Rare post-proofreading add-on) Huh. I was really tired and just kinda... dipped out at the end there. And was feeling kinda trauma-reliving self-sabotage-y... And I completely overlooked how the Seven of Cups was... well it's kinda... exactly what I was saying, isn't it? XD Just... disregarding warning signs and idealizing. Which is what I was saying was the exact problem in past relationships, and what my connection with the Knight of Swords would ideally prevent? I just thought that was interesting, I was nodding off so I completely missed it. Alright, off to bed.

[dangeles]

also what do you think of the other new characters? i love them all a lot, i ADORE sadie and that whole speech she gave adam when he was being sooo whiny 2 eps ago. "okay first of all, im straight-" hsgjkgfhj amazing, shes amazing

also i really love oliver and his dynamic with mark? love what those two have going on. mark hiding the damien thing. oliver being a mess about the am thing. theyre great <3

Lengthy The College Tapes blabber incoming!

(spoiler warning, I think?)

[takes deep breath]

I love all the new characters!!!!!!!!!!!

They're all so different and unique, you can tell from their voices and cadence what they are like, and I have this mental image of all of them and I wanna sketch the whole squad so bad!! Sometime soon definitely 🤠 im working on Caleb's design (he's my favourite for obvious reasons, *cough* Briggon Snow *cough*.)

Frankie and Caitlyn???? Adorable and feisty!!! Ben is so sweet, I wanna protect them with my life!!

Adam popping off on his radio show and then sleuthing by himself but freaking out over crows? I love him!!!!!

Right off the bat from the first episode, I felt like Sadie is the singular operative braincell in the whole Yale/BU squad; she's so solid and cool and chill, and wow, I love her! She's really grounded as a person and everytime someone gets all flighty or obtuse, she really puts them in their place. Though, I gotta be honest, at first I was like 'ok but like she's TOO cool, should I be sus????' there have been some micro instances where I was like 'huh okay she sounds a bit... hesitant here?' but that's just me being extra cautious because, you know, after what happened with Helen in The AM Archives?? Good god, you can't be too careful :(

(RIP Owen, you are missed, you poor sweet man.)

Mark and Oliver are downright my favourite duo after Caleb and Adam. I highkey want them to be a Thing™. Please be a Thing™.

Oliver is a RIOT; I love him, he's so funny and it's like he's not even trying?? He's just Oliver and I split my sides laughing at how he navigates conversations with his short attention span. I'm so curious to know about his backstory in detail, trauma and all. I love how he skirts around the horrors he'd faced in Tier5 and puts up a brave nonchalant front (which Mark sees through like it's made of gossamer lmao)

Mark was always a favourite of mine since the Bright Sessions; he's so fun and you know he's a good looking dude, he just radiates it. And the fact he uses humour as a coping mechanism for his trauma?? Poor baby. He's had a lot of baggage and I want to know more about his absurd time with Damien (that was very interesting for both those characters.) Mark is a very compelling character and I could listen to him monologue to himself for hours.

Mark and Oliver, and their dynamic??? Our Comedic Tier5 Trauma Boys??? Oh man, I could listen to a 100 episode spinoff series of just them bickering back and forth domestically, getting into all sorts of Shippen-orchestrated shenanigans, and I'd be as happy as a clam!! Both voice actors are absolute GEMS; they bounce off each other so well, its so entertaining to listen to. It's never a dull moment with them, be it the sassy banter or when they discuss their crippling insecurities.

Apart from all that, can we agree that Oliver and Caleb is the funniest ''shut up! no you shut up!' pair ever???? I was wheezing everytime they put their heads together to figure out that godforsaken Book and ended up pissing each other off every time, introspective revelations aside.

In conclusion, I just love all of them, Your Honour.

This is one of those podcasts I listened to repeatedly, and will be listening to again and again and again and again and again and aga-

[skedd8]

LUCA 👏 IS 👏 A 👏 GREAT 👏 MOVIE and here's why

The movie itself is just SO pleasing to the eye (Thanks to Disney's and Pixar's art studios collaborating i assume). Speaking of the movie's production, I always found that Disney/Pixar movies are always the ones that give THE BIGGEST IMPACT IN YOUR LIFE. Like I'm talking about SCARS-ON-YOUR-HEART kind of big impact (nOt the bad kind of scars tho). These movies always leave me crying on the ground, questioning my existence and most importantly, they never fail to cease my weak heart.

Ok so this movie is ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL because it's a compelling story on its own but it has actual real life issues in it and it just makes it more HEARTFELT. And all of these issues are represented in such a BIG-BRAINED way. (Real life issues such as:

1) the bad experiences that lgbtq+ kids and adults always go through ['sea monsters' queer people not being accepted in 'Portorosso' society]

2) THE NEURODIVERGENCE!! like man the kids are neurodivergent and you can't tell me otherwise. The way all three of them stim, the boys looking out of place, alberto stealing collecting & hoarding stuff and giullia's & luca's "sorry, too much?" IS JUST- These representations are SO important for all the neurodivergent bbys who need to see more of themselves out there to know they're real, valid and LOVED.

3) There are way more stuff that were represented like disabled ppl [Massimo], bullying [Ercole], orphans/disowned kids with their found family [Alberto] and the history of REFUGEES in italy also depicted as the sea monsters.)

Now, what I really wanted to talk about was the WAY these representations were carefully implented into the movie. You see, my homophobic sister who has an impressive 'gaydar' (more impressive than mine sometimes) wasn't really able to see the queer coded characters [The lesbian sea monsters]. But I'm absolutely sure she and the homophobes noticed the interactions between luca & alberto ESPECIALLY near the end that are sure to be depicted as romantic by heteronormative standards if it was with a boy and a girl. But thankfully not exactly really but yeah, the subtle representation of the queer coded characters were subtle enough that my sister didn't spew hate and the whole homophobic 'what has the world become' crap at the end.

The happiness and gratefulness I felt to not hear the words of hate was OUT OF THIS WORLD (and that is proof of how messed up society is). Most of the time, my conservative family would always say homophobic crap when they see even the slightest of lgbtq+ content or even out of the blue. In the end, they'd always sleep like innocent babies while I would always bawl my eyes out silently and cry myself to sleep thinking I was the literal spawn of satan and that no one will accept me.

This style of representation is great for closeted kids who are stuck with their homophobic family on movie nights and just don't have the strength to not break down when they have to listen to the hate directed to people like them coming from their own family. FAMILY. My heart dies a little everytime they insult the characters I relate to and my heart can only take so much.

Anyway, I still can't get over how casual and normal the behaviors of neurodivergence were portrayed. Because sometimes most times, there are heartless, close-minded people that make fun of mentally ill people and those people are the ones I want to throw off a cliff. Though, till this day I still beg for more films or any content with good representation for all the minorities out there (poc, lgbtq+ people, disabled people & etc), I'm still thankful for this subtle kind of representation because even though it's small, it's actually huge and important to the people who need it, these subtle depictions of themselves can show that they are perfectly normal and valid just like any other person.

In conclusion, yes I like this movie very much.

[mytastessuck]

Gorillaz: Humanz

SHere it is, the comeback tour! I was so excited for this album, I sucked all the singles that came out before I could download the album. This album basically reminded me of the reasons I love Gorillaz. All of them. One particular reason a little too well...

Okay, let's get the elephant out of the room. This album is a bit controversial among the community for playing a little too hard to one of Gorillaz' strengths: showcasing cool artists. There are more than a few tracks where Damon doesn't even show up. Hell, my favorite track doesn't even have it on him. Me, I honestly don't care about that as long as I get to hear good music but for the rest of you die hard Gorillaz fans? Just think of this as a compilation album like NOW That's What I Call Alternative/Indie Hip-Hop/R&B/Electronica/Pop.

See? Rolls off the tongue. Now let's get started.

1. Intro: I Switched My Robot Off

Nice. Real ominous. Gorillaz really know how to build up a presentation. Feels like you're walking through the doors of the doors to the Shrine of the Silver Monkey. Anybody remember Legends of the Hidden Temple? Were there doors on that stage? Anyway, awesome.

10/10

2. Ascension

Holy hell, Vince really knocks it out of the park on this one. Different beat, nice flow, social commentary...He was not fucking around on this track. Damon's barely on the track but Vince makes up for it with his existential rhymes and chorus back-up. Man, Gorillaz has gotta take advantage of gospel more often.

9/10

3. Strobelite

That didn't take long, did it? Anyway, this is my favorite song on the album. Peven has an incredible voice, the music psychically compels you to dance and...that's it. Sometimes, well usually with me, you just need to go with Simple Yet Awesome. Have a good voice and a good beat. This song has both and I'm pretty sure that one day, a scientist will hear this song and will be inspired by it to cure diabetes.

100/10

4. Saturn Barz

Ah, the lead single from the album. Remember the 360 house, everyone? Yeah, you remember. Glad to have Gorillaz welcome back Reggae into their line-up with Popcaan manning the helms. He and Damon tag-team the eardrums with the power of dread as the instrumentation makes you feel like you're in a haunted house. Welcome back, guys.

25/10

5. Momentz

WELCOME BACK, GUYS! De La Soul returns to say some real shit about time and how you should, respect and stuff. Seriously, awesome track. Kicks so much ass and you can even dance to it as you wonder if this MOMENT will be one of the last times when you feel really happy. Nice...

9/10

6. Interlude: The Non-Conformist Oath

Hey, Steve Martin! I like to imagine a bunch of assholes listening to this and...just not getting it. Not us though. We get it. We're smart. Smarter than those guys...

10/10

7. Submission

This song had to grow on me but years after I got the album and after I learned to appreciate Danny Brown a little more like all humans should, this song became one of my favorites off the album. Don't worry Kelela, he doesn't carry the whole song. Her voice is so beautiful that it can calm a charging rhino or a coked-up Connor McGregor. These make the song a lot classier than it had any right being.

90/10

8. Charger

She's beauty, she's Grace...she's also Jones. Man, I haven't heard from this woman since Corporate Cannibal and she has clearly been keeping up practice. God, how can a woman's laughter both scare and arouse me? Damon's no slouch on this track either, singing about the monster that keeps us all tethered: the charger. I kid, I kid. Hey, did Damon really get a boner on stage when he sung this or are you guys messing with me? Message me if you know.

9/10

9. Interlude: Elevator Going Up

On a recent trip, I tried to go up the elevator but it was card-activated so a desk lady had to help me. That's it.

8/10

10. Andromeda

Damon has to do the heavy lifting here and his muscles have not completely wasted away from lack of use. He tells us to take in our heart and you know what? I did. I took this song directly in my heart...and my playlist.

50/10

11. Busted And Blue

Yeah, this song is a bummer. A good bummer. It's Broken's younger brother who joined the army to make his parents proud after he couldn't get into university like his older brother who managed to form a separate family with his squad and began to think that maybe he was good enough after all before his squad gets bombed and, as he lies legless dying painfully on the ground, a blue butterfly land directly on his outstretched busted hand...

Directed by Mervyn LeRoy

10/10

12. Interlude: Talk Radio

You ever wonder how we get voices in machines? I know you think it's a complicated process but I know a dude who picked up the radio in his electric fan once. Think about it.

8/10

13. Carnival

Again, this song had to grow on me but one day, while I was thinking about Gamzee for a godforsaken reason, I thought "Geez, he talks about the Dark Carnival and the Dark Carnival isn't even some of ICP's best days. What's a good song about a carnival?" Anyway, Anthony can spin a person's mind and mind around just by singing. He's wild.

80/10

14. Let Me Out

Hey, wouldn't it be funny if Mavis was Vince's mother? She's not but that would be funny as well as cool. Her and Pusha T bang on the walls of this track as they rant about the politics at the time of this song. Yeah, they're talking about Trump. That car horn can't protect you forever, you orange bastard.

9/10

15. Interlude: Penthouse

Dear Penthouse: Hi. Does anyone check in on you, just you? I'm here to say I think you're important and you provide a necessary outlet for men to brag about being perverts. At least before the Youtube comment section existed.

Thanks for everything,

mytastessuck

8/10

16. Sex Murder Party

Ooooo, this track puts me in a funky mood. Like, there's a part but there's sex there...and MURDER. So you know it's an awesome party. Kick-ass, right? I know it's kick-ass. Keep dancing, people.

11/10

17. She's My Collar

Pretty sexy song. Gotta love people vauging about being used in a song. That's why we love Offspring, that's why we love Damon on his knees onstage. Hey, there was a post that said Noodle wrote this song about her girlfriend. That was an excellent post. Well done.

9/10

18. Interlude: The Elephant

I SAID GET OUT OF HERE, YOU BASTARD!

8/10

19. Hallelujah Money

Ah, the technical first single. Remember when they said that they weren't going to put this song on the album? Anyway, this is exactly the song we needed after The Incident occurred. Benjamin manages to calm down an entire populace while Damon just fearfully wonders what our future will be like...and he's in the UK. This song is one long terrifying lullaby to an entire country...until the end, anyway.

75/10

20. We Got The Power

A great way to remind listeners that no matter what's happening, no matter who's in charge, we have the power change everything. An excellent message for people who were still recovering from The Incident.

10/10

21. Interlude: New World

Okay, the bonus tracks. Should be nothing special here, right? Just some B-sides and I've never shown favoritism towards B-sides, right?

8/10

22. The Apprentice

A nice song from the same Rag n' Bone Man who brought us "Human". Zebra manages to lay down some nice rhymes as Ray BLK backs them both up with the force of her voice. These guys should form a team with how well they work together. Oh, they should make a virtual band! All they need to do is find an artist...

9/10

23. Halfway To The Halfway House

A very nice song if a bit overshadowed by the others on the album. Still, Peven can't be beat when it comes to crooning and he raises a song from a solid C to a B.

8/10

24. Out of Body

This song had to grow on me also but when it did...lord, this song is weird. Hypnotic suggestions, telephone tones, the song starts then Zebra jumps in to help then who is this person?! Why are people applauding?! Who are you people?! Why are there so many crows gathering outside my house?!

60/10

25. Ticker Tape

Well well well, look who's back. Damon returns with his old friend Kali to join the accuser of the vain Carly Simon to beg us to stay on the album. Sorry Damon, but I got places to do and people to go. There's nothing you can do to convince me to stick around after how long this album already is.

9/10

26. Circle of Friendz

Huh. Seems like a riot is going on. Weird for Gorillaz to get this real. What, this guy is just going to keep saying Circle of Friendz again and again? Is this supposed to affect me? Get real. It'll take a lot more than a nice voice and implications to...

To...

...

...Maybe I should listen to the album again.

11/10

Album score: 25/10

Damn, that took a while. Shouldn't be the case next week when we cover The Now Now. See you then!

[ff15trashgoldenslumbers]

Just saw this blog and I loved the S.O being possessed one, you write the guys so well! Can I request a similar scenario like this, except while the S.O is possessed, whatever weapon they have in their hands they end up like, stabbing themselves so they don't hurt whatever one of the chocobros they're with? o____o They don't die, but almost do? Sorry if this doesn't make sense, thank you!

Thank you so much! I’m so glad you liked it and that I’m doing a good job writing the boys. I was super worried I was making them too OC.

This one I did a little different than the Deamon ones, so hopefully it’s just as good.

~~~~~~~~~

You couldn’t believe how stupid you were, Ardyn had somehow tricked you.

That bastard tricked you!

Separating you from the others, and placed some type of spell, some type of curse on you, so you couldn’t control your body. Your mind was still your own, but your body was his puppet to do with as he pleased, as he tormented the others.

Noctis

Your body let out a scream, as you charged at Noctis, your own sword raised to strike the man. Your possessed body slashing and swinging at the man as if you had no training at all.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” Noctis called, warping out the way of a second random swing from your wild attack.

You couldn’t answer him, no matter how much you wanted to, only able to shed tears as you attacked him. Only to think of how ridiculous you must have looked, attacking your Prince, your boyfriend, trying to kill him.

“Noct!” Prompto called from somewhere that was your left.

“Don’t, Y/n is still in there!” Noctis yelled, as you slashed again, only to watch him block.

Another scream of pain erupted from your throat, as you swung at the man, only to realize at the last second your sword shifted to the right. You were gaining a little control over your body, your only thought being that you had to end this.  

Noctis could only watch, as you slowly rose your sword again, rushing the man straight on. Out of instinct the man tossed his sword away, to warp after it, only to realize mid-warp that you had changed direction, going after his sword. “Y/N, wait!”

Yet instead of reaching out to grab it like he thought, you stepped into the blade’s path, sword slashing open your left side, your body immediately hitting the ground, as if someone had cut the strings to a puppet.

Your fingers twitched, you did it, as you heard a deep chuckle somewhere on the battlefield.

“Seems you figured out a way to break the spell, my little Princess.”

“Ardyn!” Noctis growled.

You turned your head to the figure beside you, gasping as you realized it was indeed Ardyn, wanting to crawl away, but you’re body felt heavy. At least you could now feel it. Letting out a cry in pain, as you felt Ardyn’s hand move on your open wound.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, you created quite the mess.” He chuckled, only to leap back as Noctis raced over slashing at the man. “Do see to that, Noct, she won’t last very long.” The man replied, before disappearing.

Your eyes were becoming so much more heavy, as you reached out to the blurry figure that was your boyfriend. “Noct…”

“Y/N!” Noctis gasped turning to you, panicking as he looked to the blood spilling from the large gash on your left side. “What were you thinking?”

You couldn’t help but smile, as you focused on those blue eyes before you, “Noct…” You whispered cupping his face, before everything became black.

A warm comfort to your right side, a very familiar warm comfort to your right side. You opened heavy eyes, noticing that you were at a campsite, bundled up in a sleeping bag, Twitching your left hand, as you noticed a bandaged just under your ribcage, where the sword pierced you, and a couple of potion bottles not far from your head. Moving your vision back to the right, as you saw the familiar spiky mess that was Noctis’ hair, laying beside you on his own sleeping bag, curled up to you tightly.

Moving your shoulder the best you could, with the man currently making sure you didn’t roll to your side reopening your wound. Smiling as those familiar blue eyes opened to look at you, watching as sleep left them rather quickly as he sat up.

“Y/N, are you okay, are you hungry?” He asked.

You shook your head, too weak to sit up and embrace him like you wanted, you still felt so sleepy, wanting nothing more than to cuddle up next to him, a soft groaned escaping your throat, “Noct,please.”

The Prince seemed to understand the call, as he unzipped your sleeping back of your right side, curling up beside you, so you could rest your head under his chin. Falling back into a dreamless sleep almost immediately.

Prompto

You felt yourself hyperventilating as you stood before Prompto, one of his guns held in your hand pointing toward the blonde, who had his arms raised, refusing to fight against you. How did you allow this to happen, how did you allow Ardyn control over your body?

“Don’t be afraid now, how is this any different than what you do to those others.” Ardyn chuckled standing beside you, as he gently nudged the gun to get a  more accurate shot of Prompto.

You’re panting seemed to shake the rest of your body, “Prompto.”

“I know this isn’t your fault, Y/n” Prompto smiled softly, his hands still raised.

Ardyn maneuvered your hand causing your finger to put pressure on the trigger, “Just a little twitch and you’re free to go, it’s that easy.”

“Please, please, please.” You beg to whomever would listen, tears falling from your eyes. “Please I can’t. Please.” You cried, as your finger squeeze the trigger, only for Ardyn to suddenly shove your arm down, causing you to shoot at Prompto’s feet with a scream escaping your throat.

“Let’s try this again.” Ardyn chuckled, as you let out a sob, your arm still shaking. “It appears you have one more bullet left, better make this one count.”

You turned your head to Ardyn, “Please don’t make me do this!”

Ardyn’s eyes widen in mock sympathy, as he looked to you, “Oh why not, he’s just as empty as the rest of them.”

“Please, he’s not.” You beg, feeling your arm still shaking, as the weight of the gun seemed to double, was he actually going to let you go?

“You make a compelling argument, but then again…” Ardyn laughed, as he touched your arm, all the control he had over it disappearing, yet the forced feeling remained in the rest of your body.

Your mind racing, before you could even think it through, you pulled the gun to your right hip, a smile on your face, “I’m so sorry Prompto.”

“Y/N” Prompto called in shock, as you pulled the trigger, hearing a loud pop, before a rush of pain blossomed from your side. You couldn’t even shriek, as you collapsed faceforward to the ground.

“And she was so close.” Ardyn chuckled, “Oh well, do see to her young Prompto, she does have long.”

You heard Prompto’s clumsy footfalls by your head, the blondes entire attention on you, as he removed the fabric often tied around his waist, pushing it against your wounded right side. Tears falling from his eyes, as he panicked, not knowing what to do,

“Y/N, why would you do that?” He cried, before turning else where, “Noct! Ignis!”

You slowly reached a hand out, taking his left in your own, “I know…”

Prompto turned frantic eyes back to you again, “Hang on, Ignis will be here soon with a Hi-Potion.”

“Okay.” You whisper, eyes closing, you could hear him screaming and begging you to stay awake, but Prompto you were so sleepy.

“…she’ll be fine Prompto.” Ignis voice cut through the blackness, followed by what sounded like a door opening than closing.

Opening your eyes, you found yourself on a rollaway bed, in some motel, glancing around, before you found Prompto sitting in a chair by the bedside.  The blonde was playing on his phone, and hadn’t noticed you, but whatever he was doing couldn’t distract him long enough,since he kept clicking away at the device, more than likely opening and closing the same 3 tabs.

“Chocoboo,” You call softly, rolling over to your left, flinching as your wound strained against the movement, laughing only seemed to aggravate it more as you watched him almost drop his phone.

“Y/n, you’re up? Are you feeling okay? Do you need me to get Ignis? Something to drink?” He panicked, as reached out your left hand from the blanket. Relief seeming to wash over his face, as he took your hand. “I was so scared.”

Slowly moving your other hand out the bed to encircle the one that was holding yours, “Me too.”

Prompto placed down his phone, he crawled into the small bed, luck would have it that you both could fit, the two of you laying side by side staring into each other’s eyes. “I’m sorry…”

“Shh, this wasn’t your fault.” You whispered softly, pulling his left hand up to cradle between the two of you. Resting your forehead against his, as his freckles slowly disappeared from vision, your eyes becoming heavy again. “How long was I asleep?”

“About two days.”

“Did you sleep?”

“… No.”

You kissed the hand cradled in your own, “Go to sleep Prompto.” You reply, before drifting back off to sleep.

Gladiolus

You wanted to scream, you really did, but couldn’t beyond this stupid helmet placed on your head.  It masked you entire identity from the boys, and with that stupid curse,spell, whatever the hell Ardyn had placed on you, you couldn’t speak and at this moment, you were currently going against your huge behemoth of a boyfriend.

“Where’s Y/N!” Gladiolus barked, as he slashed at you with his greatsword, only for you to flip out the way last second.

You wanted so bad, to apologize to the guy, a few days ago you two had gotten into a fight over something so petty, and had been too stubborn to apologize to one another. Now here you were fighting against the man, wanting nothing more to run into his arms and apologize, yet your voice was stripped from you, and your body no longer in control. Even as you summoned a greatsword of your own, to block two of the daggers Ignis threw at you.

“Gladio isn’t that one of yours?” Prompto called, as you rose the sword, feeling your body strain under the weight of the weapon. You couldn’t lift the damn thing normally, and your body was screaming for you to put it down.

Gladiolus let out a roar as he rushed you, swinging his own Greatsword down on the one you were holding, “Where the hell is Y/N!” He yelled, his eyes red with rage, but he couldn’t see your horrified face on the other side of the mask.

Pushing him off yourself, you swung in a large arch to gain distances from the others, turning around as you noticed a glowing rock, it was one of those stones that Noctis dragged magic out of, and by the blue glow it was an ice one. Racing toward the rock, you dodged Prompto’s bullets, standing above the rock, as you rose the Greatsword above yourr head, feeling you body almost collapse under the weight.

“If they strike that, we won’t be able to dodge!” Ignis called.

“Prompto!” Noctis yelled toward the blonde, who quickly rose his gun.

“On it!”

You heard a “TINK”, as your head rocked to the left, your helmet falling off, the GreatSword still above your head, as you stared at your friends without the helmet blocking you.

“Y/n…” Gladiolus called in disbelief.

“I…I don’t have much time, I’m so sorry Gladdy.” You call a sad smile on your face, as you slammed the sword onto the rock. Watching as Gladiolus pulled up a shield, dragging everyone behind it. The pressure of striking the rock, sending you back, as you slammed into the mountainside behind you, immediately making your world white out.

You didn’t feel anything at first, and everything was white. You had to admit, you were surprised to have actually made it to heaven.

Only to realize that the ice white of your vision was fading, and  becoming color, blinking your eyes, you realized you were staring at the roof of a hotel, rolling your head to the left as you saw Gladiolus sitting not far from you, book in hand, acting your guard. You shivered wanting to reach out a hand to grab him and his attention, only to realize the big guy must have tucked you in with all the blankets in the room, yet you were still so cold.

Closing your eyes again, you laid back, you wanted to apologize for the stupid fight, you wanted to explain what happened, but your head hurt so bad, and you just couldn’t stop shivering. You were certain that your lips had turned blue, as you exhaled earlier seeing a puff of your breath. Which made your first words even more strange, but you knew what would help. As it always did.

“Baby, I’m cold.”

Almost as if on cue, the book closed, as the warm body, of Gladiolus climbed into bed with you, pulling you to lay directly on top of him. His arms wrapping around you tightly, as he rubbed your back.

“Better?”

“Mmhm.” You muttered, wiggling to get free of your cocoon, pulling an arm out to rest against the strong chest pressed against your cheek, curling on your side, as you traced the patterns of the bird on his chest. “Baby…”

“I know, Babe, me too.”

Ignis

Rain poured around you, mixing with the tears falling down your face, a lance held in your hands, as you slashed at Ignis again and again. The man never returned the attack, only using his daggers to parry each of your attacks.

“Y/N, love what happen?” Ignis called, as one of your thrust barely missed his cheek.

“Iggy, I can’t control my body.” You cried, managing to kick one of his daggers out his hand, coming around with a roundhouse only for the man to block, shoving you back, as you lost the spear.

Ignis moved, as he embraced you tightly with the arm holding his remaining dagger, using his height to lift you off the ground, holding you tightly to his chest. “Do you know what type of spell?”

Managing to free an arm, you shrieked, as you turned in his one arm grasped, elbowing the man in the face, sending his glasses flying. “Iggy, I’m sorry.” You gasped, your body moving back as his defenses lowered.  “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, dear.” He called, only to grunt as your body rushed forward tackling him to the ground. Your knees on either side of his chest your arm reaching out to the dagger in his hand. “Yet I’ve been better.”

You were at a lost of words, as the man underneath you didn’t seem the bit disturbed that his girlfriend was currently holding a dagger to his neck. “Iggy, I don’t know what to do.” You cried, rain pouring heavier around you all, the man’s green eyes staring directly into your own, as you slowly rose the knife.

“Everything’s going to be fine, my love. You’re not in control of your self at this time.” Ignis replied, underneath you.

Fighting for control of your body, you braced a hand besides the man’s head, twisting your body as you rose your hand. Watching as he closed his eyes, you let out a scream, as you body plunged the dagger down toward his face, closing your eyes before impact.

Ignis laid beneath you, waiting for the feeling of his flesh being cut open, only to feel your entire weight laid on his chest. “Love? Y/n?”

“Iggy, sweetie, I’m going to ask you to move me softly please.” You whine, hunched over him, hissing in pain as he slowly rolled you both over, only to hear him gasp in shock, at the dagger you had plunged into your stomach. “I believe I missed everything vital, but it seems to have done the trick.”

“That was rather reckless, love.” Ignis stated, removing a handkerchief  from his shirt pocket, as he wrapped it around the blade.

You laughed, only to groan at the pull it caused in your stomach. “Oh Iggy, is that the one I got you for your birthday?”

“Worry not, I shall get it cleaned.” He stated, as he removed one of his gloves, “Please open, love, I’ll have to pull it out before applying the hi-potion.”

You opened your mouth, allowing the leather between your teeth. Looking him in the eyes, before nodding and closing your eyes, rather not looking at him pull the dagger from you. Yet that didn’t mean you couldn’t feel it, forcing your limbs to remain on the muddy ground you turned your head with a muffled scream, caking your hair with mud.

“There we are, are you still with me, Y/n?” Ignis inquired, as you felt the Hi-Potion knitting up your skin, and cleaning the cut, before making the area numb.

Opening your eyes, you noticed his glasses not far from your head, reaching out, as you noticed the right lense was caked in mud, giving a shrug you wiped it on a spot of your dress shirt that wasn’t covered in blood or mud, happy to see that you didn’t crack the lense like you originally thought.

Rolling your head back to Ignis, the man removed the glove from your mouth, as he helped you sit up with a wince, taking the glasses as he placed them back on his face, “I do apologize again, love.”

“Water under the bridge my dear.” He replied, as he wrapped his suit jacket around your shoulders. “Are you fine to stand?” He asked as he helped you mouth weakly to your feet, only to collapse back to the ground.

“Oh the pains not that bad,” You pout to yourself, going to your feet again, only to feel your legs to fail again,  “Ignis, my love, please help me to my feet, I may need a shoulder to lean on.” Only to gasp, as the man scooped you up in a Princess carry. “Oh, Ignis, do put me down, I’ll be fine.”

“Than allow me to do this for me, my cupcake.”

You could only huff, your limbs were heavy as lead, and the man wasn’t going to set you down anytime soon, only to lean forward sweeping his bangs from his face.  Feeling your eyes become heavy as you rested your head on his shoulder, only to gasp awake as you felt a jostle.

“I apologize, love, yet I can’t allow you to rest just yet, we need to make sure that the wound does not reopen.”

“Kinda of difficult to do, when you’re so comfortable.”

Ignis chuckled, “ I’ve cleaned the area best I could, it appears that we will have to find a motel for the night to ensure that your wounds are properly cleaned. So my dear, I will have to request you keep speaking so that I am aware that you are not dozing off on me.”

“Well as you have asked so nicely.”

By the time you arrived to the hotel, you realized that you had begun rambling, yet new it was due to the high fever you had developed. The others leaving you and Ignis to yourselves as the man washed and cleaned the two of you in the shower, seeing that the fever had made it even more difficult to walk.

“Ignis?”

“Yes, my dear?” Ignis called, drying your hair with a towel as you sat in a chair before him.

“Do you believe it’s okay for me to rest now?”

“I should see no harm in it, it would do wonders for your fever.”

“All right.”

Ignis didn’t even flinch as he reached out, catching your collapsing body from falling off the chair, letting out a chuckle, as he scooped you up, placing you in bed, before crawling into bed next to you, allowing you to curl up to him. It had been a rough day for the both of you, you deserved rest.