#but no i just cant think that i cannot be selfish i must live i must live i must

[onskepa]

Hey I got a Tonowari idea for you

reader was picked by his mother as the future Tsahik and his future mate but he never gave it the chance of getting to know her just automatically thinking she was interested in his tittle like many other women of the clan rather then in him and but turns out that she really cares for him to the point of cooking his favourites or knowing his preferences when she makes him new clothing pieces without him having to tell her

Hope you like it z💙🩵💙🩵🩵💙

MGPENGENGHJRNKSJFNKENFWNFKJE!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHH!! IM SO HAPPY YOU SENT A REQUEST!!! HOPE THIS IS TO YOUR SATISFACTION!! X3

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Hoan

"Son, meet your future tsahik, Hoan" Tonowari's mother says. A young girl, pretty on the eyes, a bit small on stature, bit shy looking but smiling at young Tonowari. "It is a gracious honor to be your tsahik..." hoan says softly.

But young tonowari looked at her with hate and displeasure. His blue eyes piecing into her soul. Making Hoan shrink in fear. "Mother, I believed I made it clear that Ronal would be my tsahik" he glares over at his mother.

The current tsahik scoffs and rolls her eyes. "I don't doubt ronal's skills and her knowledge in healing. But she is as stubborn and cold as you. A tsahik is to balance her Olo'eyktan, not be of the same copy. Hoan is perfect for you, believe me son. Soon you will see how I do".

Tonowari scoffs at her saying, "I wont have any of this" he grits his teeth as walks away in anger. Hoan hangs her head low, her tail close to her ankles, ears drooping and sighs in defeat. The tsahik takes notice of it and places a gentle hand on hoan's shoulder.

"don't let tonowari's words get to you. He inherited my stubbornness unfortunately". Hoan simply nods. Feeling insecure of her position and what to do.

"Child, don't doubt my choice. Eywa has given me a sign, telling me you are the right person for tonowari. You may not see it now. Much less my son. Let things fall naturally. Dont let his rejection get to you" Tsahik says as means to comfort hoan.

The girl nods and was excused for the day. Returning home, hoan lets the events repeat in her mind. Tonowari is a olo'eyktan in the making. A good hunter, warrior, weaver, communicator and a leader. He is the definition of a perfect olo'eyktan. The clan knows they will be in safe hands with tonowari.

But what about the tsahik? Everyone suspected it would be Ronal, her vast knowledge of medicines and fierce skills as a warrior, a perfect match for tonowari that even hoan agrees. So why was hoan selected?

While at the same time, tonowari was carving in a rather aggressive manner. Letting his mother words repeat in his head. Grunting now and then, some of his fellow friends slowly moved away, not wanting to be tonowari's target of his anger.

Why must things never go his way? Why was he put in a position that he cant easily leave and live like how others do? Why must his parents choose who is to spend the rest of their lives with? It isn't fair at all!

Hoan is just like the other girls in his clan. Seeking to be tsahik and gain his favor for their own selfish benefits They don't see the role as a sacred and honorable position, but a title to brag and flounder around like it is some toy. Which is why he chose ronal in the first place!

True he may not hold emotional feelings towards ronal but she fits the criteria to be a tsahik. But unlike tonowari, ronal shows no distain nor hate for not being selected. Playing neutral in all of this.

Perhaps his father can be on his side in this matter.

"What your mother says, it goes" the olo'eyktan says in a stern yet kind tone. Tonowari was slightly appalled. "Father you can not be serious! Don't you have a say in the matter since you are the olo'eyktan?" tonowari asks.

His father sets his net aside and stares straight into his sons reflecting eyes. "as olo'eyktan yes, what I say goes, but we cannot abuse our position to get what we want. Besides, finding a new tsahik is your mothers job, as olo'eyktan I can say so much. But know this tonowari, I approve of hoan being your tsahik. Trust your mother, son".

The answer didn't satisfy tonowari. Huffing again in distaste, he leaves. The olo'eyktan simply nods at his sons behavior. Like mother like son.

So many young women were hovering over tonowari. He simply wanted to hunt in peace yet the leeches cant seem to stay away from him. Even worse, he forgot his special hunting knife! Each one was trying to get his attention but they all sound and act the same.

As if any of them were worthy to be his tsahik. Running away to get to his skimwing as fast and away from the hogging crowd. Yet he knows he has to go back for his blade.

"y-you forgot this.." a familiar yet unpleasing voice was heard. Turning to the direction of the voice, tonowari frowns at seeing hoan who was standing timidly.

Stretching out her hands, she holds his hunting blade. Speculations takes over his mind as he angrily snatches the blade away from her.

"did you take it!? trying to act nice to gain my favor!?" he growls, making his height more intimidating. Hoan quietly whimpers in fear, she just wanted to be genuine with him. And it was an honest mistake, Tonowari did forget his hunting blade, hoan happened to see him leave without it.

"I j-just...w-well you fo-forgot about it-"

"LIES! you took it! dont bother trying! you are nothing but selfish and a leech! you are just the like others! wanting the tsahik title simply for your benefit!". Before hoan could say anything more, tonowari left in a huffing anger.

A little time later, during the communal dinner, he arrived a bit late. Tonowari was slightly annoyed, his favorite food was gone and there isn't much left. He was about to turn in feeling hungry, when his mother called him to come to her.

"you look famished, have a bite my son" the tsahik says while holding a leaf full of tonowari's favorites. His ears tipped up, feeling better. Sitting down next to his mother, he took the offering meal and took a bite of the meat. It was very hot, like it was just cooked. The flavors danced on his tongue, savoring each bite. The day's misery and mishaps being washed away. Happiness and relief replacing his mood.

The tsahik smirked as she watched her son relax, "tasty isn't it?" she asks, a bit teasingly. Tonowari happily nods, his mouth too full to speak. "Good, you could thank hoan for that" the tsahik smirks.

Tonowari chokes a bit as he swallowed the food while in shock. The tsahik cackles in amusement as she pats her son on the back. "Surprised?" she asks, tonowari coughs a bit roughly so he takes a large chug of water from his cup.

"eat well son, we are going to retire for the night" tonowari's father says as he and his mother gets up and making their way to their home. Left to his own, tonowari was still processing the information. While trying not to make it obvious, he quickly scans around the crowd that still remains, and there, almost at the edge of the crowd he sees hoan.

Hoan was smiling kindly to a young child as what looks like hoan serving food to the child from a small pot over a fire. He cant hear what hoan is saying but she nods and seems to pay attention to what the child is saying. Yet perhaps by instinct, hoan looks at his direction. Their eyes meeting, sky blue meeting ocean blue. She smiles warmly at him, a light blush forms on her cheeks.

Tonowari breaks the eye contact and looks down at his food. All that he has eatin so far were his favorites, how could have hoan know? He certainly didn't tell her, but he wouldn't doubt his parents, most likely his mother.

At the moment he isn't so upset with hoan. Doesn't have the energy for it. But just this once. Doesn't prove hoan anything.

The days pass by and tonowari notices things, his best spear broke somehow, the net he usually uses was tangled and a mess. His skimwing would be out into the reef and not be where it should. So many odd things, yet by the end of the day problems tend to be solved by hoan. A new spear is carved to perfection, better than his old one. The net was untangled and tightened. His skimwing would rather obey hoan than tonowari.

He cant blame hoan for the odd things since he holds no proof. Yet observing her, its clear now she holds no selfish motive nor even asking to be near tonowari. Doing favors at a distance.

There is one last test to put on hoan.

Wasn't long ago that he fought and defeated an akula. Truly an achievement to tell for years. And he holds the teeth as proof. So on purpose, he would toss it near an area that hoan tends to spend a lot of time in. See what she would do with it. Keep it or do something with the teeth.

30 days have passed. And all that time tonowari isn't sure if hoan found the tooth or not. He would check the area where he left it, but it was gone. Doesn't know if someone else took it or an animal that lives in the small jungle.

Tonight was the celebration of a seasonal hunt. Tonowari of course had captured the best kills, tied with his proud father. Music blared, people dancing, foods being made from the hunt. It was well. Yet tonowari didn't feel the mood to celeberate like his fellow na'vi.

Getting up from where he was sitting, he took a stroll in the small jungle. The music and cheers dying from the distance. Letting the natural sound of nature clear his mind. Tonowari had no location in mind, just lets his feet wonder on their own.

That is, until reaching a small water fall, he sees hoan. Sitting near the waterfall, she sits with something in her hands.

"no no....I cant.......or maybe I can....oh who am I kidding! he hates me!" she talks to herself.

Hiding behind some large rocks, tonowari quietly gets closer, trying to understand what she is saying.

"Maybe with this...it can help me get closer to him-nonono! he made it clear...he doesn't want me. Maybe he is right....ronal is better than me...why try. Anything I have done he doesn't seem to take notice. Fixing his things, cooking his favorites, putting items he has forgotten. I bet he didn't appreciate the teeth he took.....such a skillful warrior...AGH!! oh mother Eywa! why make my suffer!? why picking me as tsahik is a good idea?! I am not even worthy of such title! Nothing that I do will ever be good for him. I should pass it to ronal. Maybe she will have better luck than me...."

tonowari heard her tangent and felt weight in his chest. Is that how she felt this whole time? This whole time tonowari believed hoan was like the other young ladies. But hearing her like this proved him wrong.

Knowing what to do, he slowly gets up and walks to hoan. "Dont put yourself down like that" he says as gently as he can. Hoan jumped a bit, startled at hearing someone other than her own voice.

"t-tonowari? what are you doing here? Sh-shouldnt you be with the others celebrating?" hoan asks nervously. Looking at his toned body, perfect muscles and his tattoos adorning his body. Truly a warrior in her eyes.

"I could ask you the same thing" he responds. He sits beside her, but holding some space between them. "ummm...guess we are both here then..." hoan laughs nervously as she hides an item in her satchel.

"I hear you talking....I first need to say I am very sorry hoan. I truly believed you were like the others, only wanting to be tsahik for the title and not truly for what it is. I should have known better" tonowari confesses. Hoan listens and was surprised. Tonowari? apologizing to her?

"its o-ok! Truthfully I didnt want to be tsahik, but your mother....sh-she insisted and practically didnt give me a choice" hoan says. Tonowari humms in agreement. Guess neither had the freedom to choose.

"what were you hiding in your bag..." he asks, curiosity rising in him. Hoan squeaked a bit, feeling scared and nervous. "it nothing! ummm...just a craft I was working on..." she whispers. Tonowari heard her clearly and offers his hand. "May I see it?" he asks.

Its not like hoan can say no to the future olo'eyktan. With shaky hands she takes out the item in question and places it on his large hand. It was a beautifully crafted necklace with the akula teeth right in the middle. The design SCREAMED of leadership and honor. The beauty it held was overwhelming.

Tonowari was awed at the craft. Admiring the details and choice of color, it was done with extreme care and attention. Already he fell in love with the necklace. And perhaps....its creator as well.

"hoan...this is beautiful. Truly a remarkable craft" he says with happiness in his voice. Hoan blushed at his praise, purple tinting her cheeks.

"I am g-glad you like it...was doubt if it was even worthy to be worn..." hoan says, still doubting her skills. To prove her wrong, tonowari places the necklace around his neck. It fitted him. Wasn't so tight, wasn't so lose. The size was perfect. It was as if hoan knew his measurements and size without needing to be around him.

"it fits perfectly hoan. Truly. You have a talent for this" he praises more making hoan look away feeling embarrassed. He chuckles at the sight. She was cute looking like this.

Soon they began to chat more, hoan getting more comfortable and reveal more of her emotions and share some things with tonowari. Perhaps tonowari's mother was right to an extent.

Back at the center of the village, the olo'eyktan, the tsahik and ronal were enjoying their feast, all grinning in happiness. "Thank you ronal for assisting us. Truly nothing would have been done or progressed between those two" the tsahik says. Ronal nods, "of course my tsahik, tonowari is a skillfull warrior but at times he can be empty headed. Someone had to drop the hints for dear hoan to pick up".

Aaaaaaaaaand that is all for this one! I quite like it! tell me what ya'll think! until next time! see ya!

Hoan = comfort

[rayroseu-reblogs]

(personal opinion/vent-ish) TWST charaters seems to favor the moral that "you cannot live in dreams, you should live in reality regardless of how challenging it is" but idk i really relate to Malleus in the aspect that its better to dream bcs reality is often too tiring lol

if someone were to curse me like Malleus did bcs they cant stand me being in pain, i would be appreciative lol reality often feels cruel because it feels like its just continuously throwing struggles at you no matter how awful you feel to the point where it confuses me whether if i manage to overcome a struggle, did i really grow up and improved or am i just "collecting trauma" aljdkad because i still cry from the struggles i had even if theyre long passed 💥

maybe i feel this way bcs i havent been feeling accomplished even if i completed/overcome things 💥💥

i guess overblot malleus is comforting to me rather than selfish/controlling because it feels like hes saying that "its okay for reality to not be painful" (i think hustling culture is just making me depressed or smth💀)

but like, TWST as a "good-oriented story" wont probably delve in this point of view that someone relates/agrees to Malleus need of eternal happiness lol i just wish they dont write his feelings like its immature or evil, bcs this kind of feelings is just as humane as like needing to fight for your own happiness (like what other characters believes), and i dont think its "immature" either because i know people regardless of age must feel like this way too someway or another lol

really caught me off guard that TWST wrote malleus as hes running away from reality and hes scared of the pains of growing up and realizing "youre alone in life" lol

so aaaaa i feel like im treating book 7 like its my therapy but i really do hope the endjng of this book is more satisfying than the usual "i dont like your ideas overblotter so i must fight you off to live my life" lolol

[kaladinsspear]

Ooooo!!!!!!

I desperately want to know more about Lightsong!! He just decided to work with Blushweaver in the hopes of softening her agression and shielding Siri. Good job Lightsong, I know you are an honorable man!

I want to know who Larimar was to Lightsong. I'm gonna guess brother, but I really dont know. I feel like he was some sort of family, but student or teacher would also fit.

Lightsong is putting on his detective hat and trying to figure out who broke into Mercystar's palace. It seems like whoever he was before returning, detective work is not new to him.

Have to say, I kind of like Blushweaver. I don't trust her, but I have no reason to think she is evil yet. So far she seems to honestly believe that Idris is a threat to her king and her nation and is responding accordingly. She certainly has selfishly power seeking motives as well, but she doesnt seem on the same level of evil as cutting out a childs tongue and using him like a puppit. She's just your average smart, selfish, and powerful. I can enjoy the character without condoning her actions.

~

Oh Vivenna. So many prejudices. I get her point that its all perspective, but come on! I would respect her beliefs if she had a reason for them, but so far it seems like she holds her convictions because thats what she was taught. She believes that breath is a persons soul, but she cannot defend why she believes that and flat out rejects the experiences of people who have lived without breath. She believes that using lifeles is wrong, but she cannot defend why beyond that she believes that a corpse deserves to be put to rest. Forget what the original owner of the body and their family think, Vivenna feels icky about it so it must be wrong.

I'm perfectly ready to believe that using lifeles is wrong and that breath is much more significant than Hallandrens credit it with being, but I'm gonna need some more evidence than Vivennas feelings on the matter. I personally find the lifeless a little uncanny. I'm not ready to accept that they completly lack sentience without question, but I'm withholding judgment until I know more.

I really, really want to like Vivenna, but I'm having a hard time. I think once she breaks out of her conditioning and starts basing her convictions and beliefs on life experience rather than cultural osmosis I'll like her a lot better. For now, she just rubs me the wrong way. I dislike when people make morel judgments that they can't/won't defend.

~

Still loving the mercenaries. Would like to know a little more about Jewels!

~

No new info on Vasher or Siri. I cant wait to pick up Siri's story line again!!

[saltfishfemale]

little rant for those of u who don't know I'm a child its about to b painfully obvious from my syntax + diction

im absolutely sick of my sister lmfao she's the most selfish immature self absorbed person I've ever met. she's 19 1/2 years old. she has depression she is on medication for, and due to it she locks herself in her room all day with the blinds blacked out, and only comes out at night where she will inevitably order food with our parents' money that is not hers to spend. every. single. day. my mother reasons that since she is an adult and her (my mother's) credit card expires this month we cannot stop her from doing what she wants. how pathetic. she is also nonbinary, and frequently argues about it with my trans critical mother. i have no doubt this is a major source of her state at the moment. she does not speak to any of us, ever, unless she absolutely needs to. she recently got into a screaming match w/ me about keeping hair from getting all over the place in our shared bathroom. she told me to 'grow up' when i said it was disgusting, like I'm the one who's been living like a ninja turtle and draining our parents' finances for Jack in the Box and cheaply made, AliExpress-looking clothing that is not worn. she dropped out of college a year ago and i just wish she would go back and leave my life. i cant stand to think about her rotting away, detesting us because we won't conform to her fantasy. every time i think about her I'm filled with anger. I know im probably being selfish but she's been like this her whole life. never friendly, never open, never kind, never human. it's always irked me, especially when i actually used to try and be her friend. i would always be the one seeking her out. she never came to me. i felt defective, like there was some reason she hated me. there was, of course. i used to be a real brat when i was 3-7. a child. you would think she'd be over it now, over 9 years later. i suppose not. the day she yelled at me to grow up i had done every chore in the house imaginable while she sat on her ass in her room either sleeping or doing nothing on her phone. and i am the one who must grow up. i am sick of it.

[mindsetobservances]

I haven’t been posting online because honestly things have been going well for me. And I’m immensely grateful for that. But the past few days have been absolutely absurd.

Last month my mother booked plane tickets for me and my husband to come visit her and my brother to celebrate the holidays. The night before our flight departed I received a text that we had been delayed. I called her to let her know what was going on and to update her of our itinerary. In this conversation she discovered that my husband and I were not traveling with checked bags. (For context, she lives in a ski town) she had previously thought we were bringing our ski equipment, but my husband and I decided against it because it would have been an inconvenience for us, we were only going to be in town for a few days and hauling our gear didn’t seem worth it. After finding out we didn’t have our ski gear she began yelling at me over the phone. Just blowing up about how stupid we must be and why would she fly us out if we weren’t planning on skiing. (My husband and I care about just spending time around my family regardless if on snow or not).

I communicated with her that I did not want to be yelled at, patronized, talked down to etc. She continued to grow more agitated and lashing out saying some pretty terrible things. Becoming so nasty i feel comfortable calling it verbal and emotional abuse. She’s projecting onto me, thinking she can do no wrong and I’m the cause of all this. All I want to communicate is I don’t want to be treated poorly (and I admit I fired my own shots) she cannot comprehend my perspective, she feels I have disrespected and betrayed her bc I didn’t bring my skis. It’s so silly to me. I try and tell her how I’m feeling and share my position, she tries to turn me against my husband, she tells me I don’t know what I’m feeling, she gaslights me, she attempts to manipulate me, etc. It’s terrible, It’s been going on for hours, I’m in tears by the time my husband and I actually arrive at our destination. Not to mention we also had a layover and had to take a bus bc she abandoned us at the airport.

This morning she comes over to the family condo unannounced and I’m like I can’t just act like everything is fine. You’ve been so terrible to me and I don’t deserve that. I tell her everything again, I read out oud the messages she’s sent over the past 24 hours. She’s unable to take responsibility. She cant barely give a genuine apology. And I’m the one she blames, I am so hurt, so heartbroken. I see her now, perhaps I have been dealing with this for longer than I remember, it’s unfair, I’m angry. She genuinely believes that I’m at fault. That’s I’m selfish, that I aim to hurt her. All because I prefer to travel light. That I don’t care where we are but I just care about being with my family. And I’ve tried to communicate this, but she has put her pride above her family. She has prioritized feeling angry about over our decision instead of being grateful we’re just here.

I’m terribly sorry, I am sick. Unfortunately my brother has been dealing with this for a few years, we are with him now. I wanted a nice vacation, and instead I’m turned into a monster bc I didn’t want to inconvenience myself. She could have communicated that we should bring our skis. And things would have been different

I believe she is emotionally immature. If you have read to the bottom I thank you. I feel I can no longer continue, but I may rant more later. If you are able to offer any support or advice I would appreciate it. We’ll see how things continue to develop over the weekend…

[raindropfiles]

Motherhood.

In the english dictionary, moth·er·hood is a noun, defined as "state of being a mother". In what sense do I still belong to this title.

In general, the thought of being a "mother" is someone who lives in the same house, prepares what is needed, makes almost everything, supports and guides the children at all times. All in one package.

But what if..

I have two kids and I don't get the chance to do all that takes to be a mother in general. Am I not to be considered as a mother at all? Shouldn't I get the same treatment and praises mothers get?

A year and 6 months of living away from them. A year and 6 months of hearing and taking different opinions of what I should and must do as a, or say, "to be a good mother". A year and a half of blank spaces in my heart.

Everyone has their own thoughts, and believe me, I have absorbed all so much and respect what I am to them.

Nevertheless, I have a say on this. In my personal opinion - motherhood is not always about being with your children physically. It is more of understanding and giving so much importance of how they FEEL. Yes, they are young and innocent, but they have the most crucial stage of developing emotional quotient. As defined, EQ is the capability of individuals to recognize their own emotions and those of others, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, and manage and or adjust emotions to adapt to environments or achieve one's goal.

Motherhood is making them comfortable regardless of the situation, regardless of my own selfish reasons. It's never easy to fall asleep weeping because I miss them. I miss them SO MUCH. Yes, I still cry at night because no matter how much I want to kiss and hug them any time of the day, I cannot. That doesnt make me feel less of a mother. I love my boys so much. So much that I would sacrifice all the pain of longing just to make them live the life they are comfortable with.

No child can decide what and how their parents should live. It is us, adults, that got them into trouble of living the confusing lives of having separated parents. 'Twas never their fault nor their choice. My boys will live with me, when they are ready to live with me. Not when I want them to. Not when I have to drag them and make them emotionally drained only because I needed to be a mother.

Every night, my prayers are:

1. For them to be well guided - because I cant watch them all the time.

2. Thankful to the people who take time and effort to do what I, as a mother, is supposed to do for them every single day.

3. For them to be in good health, and for their hearts to be filled with joy.

4. For both to grow in faith with a kind heart.

5. One day, if the Lord permits me to be a full time mother to them, I will have the gift of living day by day again with them. Take care, hug and kiss them again any time of the day.

Once I asked them randomly, "Did your nanay abandoned you?", both looked at me with a frown and answered with a loud "NO!"- it's as if they want to ask me in return how would I ever thought of them feeling and thinking I abandoned them. My eldest answered, "You live in a different house but you never left us".

Regardless of what others may think and say about what kind of a mother left her children behind, what kind of a mother lives alone without her children, what kind of a mother survives a day without knowing how her children was the whole day, regardless, I know by heart that I am a mother. It is very important that both know and understand what happened because I have not missed explaining to them how we came up to this situation. I have explained things to the way and level that they can cope up with. I have explained things without bad mouthing the other side. I made sure both are equipped to live day by day without a mother's helping hand. And most important of all, I trust them. I trust their young minds and hearts that they can, we can do this.

Two days in a week - weekends, 48 or less hours I get to spend precious moments with them, but I know for sure, I get the same equal love that I missed for five days in a week. I missed 5 days in a week of their lives, and that alone is too much but I would never focus on what was missed because I still have 2 days in a week to make them feel what it's like to have a physical mother. I am more of an emotional than a physical mother, despite everything, I am a mother and only my children, only them can prove and say how and what kind of a mother I am.

More than winning the lottery - is my children feeling and knowing that no one can ever replace me being their Nanay ❤

#LatePost #WrittenWayback2019

[contact--light]

.

[holylacydoll]

im just so restless rn idk

[minahoeshi]

you were loved the most of all.

Ushijima Wakatoshi x reader | break-up angst

summary: You should've known that when Ushijima Wakatoshi found it easy to fall in love with you, it might be even easier for him to fall out of it. But who expects the worst when it comes to loving someone as seemingly perfect as him, anyway?

Chapter 1 of 2

Chapter 2 of 2

He said it was easy to fall in love with you. He said he didn’t know when exactly, at which place, nor for what reason. Simply one day, Ushijima Wakatoshi found himself looking at you with the epiphany that maybe there’s something more meant to happen between you and him. There you stood before him that day, the person he could promise love to. (And there he stood before you that moment, the boy whose promises you found yourself believing in no matter what.)

So maybe that’s why it was even easier for him to fall out of love. When he told you he was no longer in love with you, it didn’t matter to you to ask when exactly, at which place, or for what reason. Even the universe itself is meant to fizzle out one day along with the death of the stars. Just one more person drifting away from you like a lone planet with no real orbit shouldn’t leave you broken. You are used to this. You won’t fall apart.

But you break anyway.

It was snowing outside when he decided to tell you to end things now before it hurts both of you even further. Not that the snow has anything to do with the coldness creeping up your chest threatening to spill out of you in endless sobs. You were glad, though. That at the very least, he remained honest with his feelings. He never left you guessing. Every time, he never forgets to tell you what’s on his mind. His honesty is something he thought was necessary.

“I understand, don’t worry. Thank you for telling me right away. I know you’re also considering me–” you tell him and choke up. There are tears running down your face but you’re not worried about that. Wakatoshi never let you mask your emotions around him. For the longest time, he reminded you to feel free to be completely bare with him. All the good and the bad, he said. Don’t be afraid to show them to me. I will always understand.

He steps closer and puts you between his arms. You feel his chin on top of your head as you lean your face into his chest. You’re sobbing now. “I’ll be fine, Toshi. We’ll be fine.”

He kisses the top of your head and lets you stay in his arms for minutes. “I loved you then, and I love you still. It’s just that they’re no longer the same kind. I will stay if you ask me to, okay? Anything you want.”

This only makes you cry harder. He’s always been too good. And even in breaking your heart, he’s too good. You want him to hold on. You want to ask him to stay with you for years and years. Even with a different kind of love, you’ll let him be as long he’s close by. But someone like him who has dreams beyond yourself shouldn’t ever be with someone like you who still lacks certainty toward anything.

“Just for tonight,” you ask, still crying. “Can I stay?”

“of course,” he replies. Anytime you want. Anything you want. It has always been this way.

Because humans are creatures of routines and familiarity, you spend that night the way you usually do when you’re at his place. You cook dinner with him and eat on the dining table, sharing stories and laughter. You keep adding food to his plate and he smiles as you giggle at everything you find funny.

It’s okay, it’s okay. You’ll be okay. You’ll be fine.

You clean the kitchen and stay in the living room. He leans on the couch as you lay down with your head on his lap. You keep talking and laughing. He goes along, sometimes adding things to make you laugh even more, sometimes simply agreeing, sometimes asking questions. You keep it loud and light, afraid of the silence. Inside you, it’s so heavy, your heart might just fall off. This will be the last, you tell yourself. You want to be happy for now. While he’s still here.

"Do me a favor, okay?" You tell him as you're nearing slumber. "Let me leave first tomorrow. Maybe stay in bed, maybe pretend you're asleep. But tomorrow, don't get out of the room until I've left the house." Your voice shakes, feeling yourself wanting to sob.

"I don't want to wake up to another empty bed but I don't want to see your face when I wake up too," you curl into him even further. "I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry I still don't really know what to do. And I know you wake up pretty early and you know, do stuff, but just for tomorrow, please?"

Wakatoshi didn't really understand why. He originally planned on cooking breakfast for you and taking you to the train station. He would watch you board the train and he'd make sure to smile at you as he waves. You always waved back. That's how it works. Even after fights, and even after especially bad nights, you'd still do the same. Watching you leave with a smile was how you both knew you'd still be fine the days after. That nothing much can affect your relationship. For years, this has been the routine.

But tomorrow, he knows he has to give way. He knows what he said hurt you. It would be wrong of him to do what he wants simply because he's used to.

Tomorrow's the last, he realises. And then if you want, he'd never see you again.

--

You wake up pretty early. The sky is a calm shade of blue, the world outside still waking up. You check the time on your phone and find it's 6 AM. Last night, you slept with your back on him. The sight before you is the other end of his bedroom and you notice just how much of yourself you've managed to leave around his place. Pieces of just one other person in his life, scattered in places around his world pretending that’s just where they belong. You didn't mind leaving things behind back then. You never really thought of the day that you might’ve to take back all of them. Just how does one pick up parts of themselves when they thought they’ve finally found a place for them to stay?

But as you stand up, you conclude that when things end, traces shouldn’t be left behind. He didn’t decide to break up only to be reminded of you even after you’re no longer close to him. So you go and pick every little thing that's yours. Even your jacket and sweaters and a few pairs pyjamas in his closet. You'll just take his things from your place too and hand it to Tendou's shop. Coming back here won’t do you any good. Him coming to your place instead wouldn’t either.

Collecting all your things, even the ones you can't use anymore, you leave the bedroom and enter the living room. You don't have many belongings here aside from some DVDs and books. You only take the books and leave the rest for him. You've always preferred reading anyway.

Setting your bag and things aside on the sofa, you go ahead and wash yourself in the bathroom and bring your toothbrush and some other products with you when you're done. You then head to the kitchen to cook him something light to eat for breakfast . You knew you didn't have to. He knows how to cook. It has always been him cooking breakfast for you. When you could, you’d rather stay in bed until the very moment you must start preparing to go to uni or work. But you did anyway. He's probably in his bed, awake. He has never been a heavy sleeper. With all the moving you did around his room, he was bound to wake up if he wasn't already.

You make him a simple omelette and write a small message on top of it with ketchup. "Good luck with practice today!"

You've already cleaned everything you used, preferring to wash and set utensils as soon as you're done with them. That way, when you're sitting down to eat, there won't be any cluster around to distract you.

You put the ketchup down and decide that should be enough. You'll stop here. You should go now.

Ushijima is sitting on his bed. He's been awake since 5 AM when he usually goes on his run. It isn't the first time he chose to stay with you instead of going out, but he can't help but feel heavy this time. He stayed in for you. But as the minutes pass by, it seems that he simply cannot find the courage to sit up and face you.

He wants to sink into his bed.

There's knock on the door followed by sentences uttered softly. "Toshi, I'm going now. There's breakfast on the table. Make sure to eat before you go."

There goes the heavy feeling again. Maybe if this keeps up, he might just actually sink and never get back up.

You've done that a few times. Leaving while he's still in the room. You don't even open the door. You simply knock and tell him you're about to go, always reminding him to eat before he goes too.

But this will be the last, he thinks. If you leave now, will he never see you again?

a/n

chapter 2 will be up soon not rly sure when tho. (it's up now the link is at the top)

also, im not entirely sure but i think i didnt use any pronouns or gendered nouns for this except "girl" in the 1st paragraph which i erased just now? if i'm right, then i hope everyone reading this get to feel as though theyre rly the person in the story. unless ofc u dont want that bc this isnt the happiest ushitoshi x reader fic u can find🥲. but thanks for reading!!!! m so sorry for typos nd other errors as well. i kinda cant read my own writings bc sometimes doing so makes me wanna smack myself in the head and never write again nd i hate that so now im leaving my mistakes to the gods nd hope they love me enough or smth. but yes thank u sm again for reading!!!!

[pettyprocrastination]

for the love of god please give us some austin powers!whiskey headcanons o queen of au's 😔we're just sluts for ur content

My mf babe boo lee validating this dumb au that i love so fucking much aksksks i have like two hours before all the thanksgiving stuff happens so if anybody wants to send me whiskey shit for this au DO IT!!!

warnings: uhh talk of sex and porn, foul language. theres zero organization or skill put into these i just threw ‘em out there lmao

So the general consensus of this au for those who dont know, is an austin powers au. Yes i said that. 

Jack “whiskey” Daniels is an statesmen from the 70’s who is hailed as a legend for all the lives hes saved and ploys for global terrorism he’d stopped. In his prime, he was cryogenically frozen until the statesmen would need him at a later date (reasoning behind this is vague, even whiskey himself doesnt remember why. He get flashes of distant memories and emotions around it all, but they're gone as soon as they come.)

Cut to modern time, you’re scotch. One of the best agents who’s known for getting the job done with little to no issues, but not known to be a socializer. You are tasked as agent whiskey’s new partner as he is unfrozen and helping him adapt to the new world. 

Now lets get into the fun stuff

With adapting to the new world, you had to teach whiskey about the internet and my god was that tiring. 

He still doesn't get the point of dating apps. “I don’t need a little device to help me get laid, i do just fine with my charms and southern hospitality.” you're pretty sure he only says that because he cant figure out how the fuck to use tinder but you let it go. 

Whiskey hates porn. Like DESPISES it. This is something he decided to tell you with an “urgent” phone call at three in the fucking morning. 

“She’s faking! Thayer all faking!! What’s the point if she doesn’t enjoy it? It’s all a lie! This poor woman looks like she’s in pain!! They’ve made sex a production!! What has this world come to!?!”

You hang up and go back to sleep. 

But yeah whiskey hates it. It’s all fake and over the top and just...not what he thinks sex should be. 

To him sex isn’t a production or a race. It’s a celebration of attraction between consenting adults.  

He enjoys the ametur made stuff, where there’s legitimate attraction between those involved

This doesn't mean he’s vanilla in anyway, he just hates that porn isnt really...sex. Its not mutual pleasure, its all jarring categories, fake moaning and very sexist foundation. 

Once he finds the animal video part of the internet? Oh he’s as good as gone. He thin begins to send you links to videos' showcasing friendships between unlikely pairs, such as a sea lion and a horse, or a monkey and a ferret. You don’t tell him that you watch them all late at night when you cant sleep.

He fucking loves nature documentaries. Especially deep sea ones, focusing on fish that light up or are see-through and shit like that. 

If you watch them with him you admit its...kind of adorable. Like seeing a kid all wide-eyed at the aquarium. 

“You know what’d make this really interesting??”

“We aren’t doing lsd while watching blue planet, stop asking me that.”

He’s done drugs, like, a lot back in the day. Statesmen is stricter now, with regular mandatory drug tests so whiskey cant go out, partying like a madman and taking whatever he pleases. 

Whiskey is bisexual . As is basically everybody i write so when you tell him same sex marriage is legal in all 50 states he legit tears up. 

“Never thought I’d live to see the day.” hes so overjoyed at the news. He knows there's still a long way to go but seeing that, something he’d only dreamed and fantasize about while drawing shapes on the chest of his lover? Oh it makes his heart soar. 

Whiskey is a man with brazen sexuality but of course aware of boundaries. First day you met him you turned down his advances, he accepted this and then decided to latch on as your best friend AND wingman! :D

You cannot escape this fate you're stuck with him now. 

Anytime you go out to a bar he scouts for potential suitors. “How about the blonde at the counter, they're your style!” and before you can tell him NO he’s already swaggering over and chatting you up to them. 

Whiskey, although you hate to say it, is a charming man. Hes kind and suave and will sing the praises of somebody hed only just met and have them melting in a puddle right in front of him. It’s annoying really. You have to listen to all the women at work swoon over him and talk about how youre soooo lucky to be working with him. He must be such a dream in the field. What's it like?

You plainly tell them that the other day you saw him get stuck in a revolving door and he asked for your help.

To get out

Of a door. 

You will NEVER admit this to him but when you were a green agent?? Just starting out?? You had a major crush on the legendary agent whiskey. You’d only seen the photos and heard the stories but god you thought he was amazing. 

Then you became a skilled agent yourself (perhaps also talented with a whip and lasso) and finally met the man himself when he was unfrozen. 

Whiskey calls you “little filly” and will make jokes about how you need to respect your elders. You know since he’s technically like 89 years old lmao. 

Whiskey hates that women gotta shave, he thinks you should do it if you want but the societal pressure of it? He hates it. 

And lets be real, he’s a man of the 70’s so he fucking worships bush. (the pussy not the president) (i have a lot of thoughts on this)

He can and will go down for hours on end, almost selfish with it because he gets as much pleasure from it as you. Pressing kisses and nips on your thighs, mumbling praise against you, homeboy gets straight up pussy drunk and doesn’t know how to speak coherent sentences anymore. 

He’s a cuddler. Even before you started dating he was just very affectionate and touchy. You once had to sleep together for warmth on a mission where you were stuck in the middle of nowhere during winter and he nuzzled and cuddled you all night long with a dazed smile. (he’s also your own personal space heater so that’s nice)

You thought you were over the hype and worship of agent whiskey,and you are, but when you get to know him as a friend and not an agent. As Jack, the fool who cuddles and tries to pair you up and sings out of key while cooking? God help you, your heart starts beating when you see his dimples and big goofy smile and all you can think is. “Oh fuck.”

anyways i reall y love this au and have many thoughts please sedn requests or hcs or anything you want me to expand on <3

[prrplwtch]

if you're still accepting requests how about an angel mc whose willing to become a fallen angel for solomon? i cant help but love that shady boy 💙💙💙

Hi nonnie :) Shady sorcerer deserves all the love  💜

Choice. Solomon x (angel)f!MC

Solomon sighed, pushing open the door to his room – he was not looking forward to spending the next few hours packing his belongings, but the faster he finished his task, the more time he had to spend with MC. As soon as he walked in, Solomon stopped in his tracks. MC was sitting on his bed, her face bearing a serious and solemn expression, her hands folded in her lap, the skirt of her dress pooling around her.

“MC?” Solomon said, startled, “Is everything alright? Have you already finished packing?”

He was happy to see her, of course. All the exchange students were set to leave the Devildom the following morning, and Solomon had no idea when he would see her next - which made the time that they could spend together today all the more precious.

“I haven’t even started,” MC replied, looking at him, “I came here because I needed to talk to you about something important – I cannot bear to wait any longer.”

“What’s going on?” Solomon asked, concerned, crossing the room to MC. Once he sat next to her, Solomon took MC’s hand into his and looked her in the face before saying, softly, “You know you can tell me anything.”

Silence fell upon them, and it seemed an eternity had passed before MC finally met his gaze. Solomon could suddenly feel a lump in his throat. There was peacefulness in her gaze - the kind that emerges from calm resignation to one’s fate because there is no time left to fear.  

Was this the end for them?

His heart started pounding in his chest and Solomon felt dizzy. You knew how this would end, he tried telling himself. This liaison would ultimately bring her nothing but sorrow - angels were prohibited from having relationships with humans, especially with those that dabbled in magic. After tomorrow, how would be ever see each other again? She is not free to come to the human world and the celestial realm is lost to me forever – just like it’s lost to any witch or sorcerer. It’s best she ends it now.

Solomon did not notice that he was holding his breath, waiting for MC’s next words.

“I’m not going back,” MC said calmly.

“I understand,” Solomon said, before he fully grasped her words, “You are making a…”

His voice trails off as he suddenly comprehends when MC had said. He looks at her, confused. Surely, she cannot be serious…

“Did you enjoy the Devildom so that you decided to extend your stay for another week?” he smiles, trying to hide his inner turmoil and confusion.

“Not quite,” MC replied, looking him in the face with calm certainty, “I am not coming back to the Celestial realm – not tomorrow, not ever.”

Solomon looked at MC wide-eyed, unable to utter a word. He would be lying if he said he’d never dreamed of MC staying by his side rather than returning to the Celestial Realm, but he knew those dreams were pure folly. And yet, here she was…

Who could have thought?

When they first began their liaison, Solomon tried his best to accept that it would be short lived - after all, angels were not permitted to take part in pleasures of the flesh or to form relationships with humans. He failed, of course – once he had fallen for her, he could not bear even the thought of this relationship ever ending.

How could he, when her touches filled him with warmth and comfort the likes of which he’d never felt before and when her kisses made him lose the track of time?

Sometimes Solomon had wished her was a better man – the kind of man that would have refused MC’s affections knowing the kind sufferings they may bring to her. But he was not – he was flawed and selfish and human. And so, he told himself that it was not for him to deny MC her choice and that no harm would come to her from their affair. The weight of sins may dim MC’s light somewhat, Solomon remembered thinking, but a few month in the Celestial Realm should restore it.  

He could hardly bear the thought of being away from her forever – after all, no one had ever loved him like she did. She gave her whole heart to him, she trusted him fully, without the slightest shadow of doubt, and Solomon was not used to that. He’d often wished that he could love her better – the selfless, pure way the angels did, where the happiness of their beloved was held above all else. But he was too human for that – and yet she did not seem to mind.

Despite his selfishness, however, he’d never ask her to stay in the Human Realm, not when he knew what that would mean for her. But now she was here, right in front of him, offering to stay of her own will…And was he really the kind of man who would not grasp what lay to his hand? He was not – but he had to be, for MC and for the love she bore for him.

“MC,” Solomon said, gently squeezing MC’s hand in his, “You cannot do that – you must return to the Celestial Realm, it is your home.”

“My home is where my heart is,” MC replied firmly, looking him into the eye, “I’ve been thinking about it ever since I’ve fallen in love with you. I know what becoming a fallen angel would mean for me – but I have made my choice and peace with its consequences.”

She’s made up her mind, Solomon realized. He knew he should rejoice – the woman he loved wanted to stay with him forever, and yet his heart felt heavy. He could not bear to see her go through the sufferings that the fall could bring - so he had to try and persuade her to return.

“I do not presume to know all the intricate details about the fall,” Solomon started carefully, “And nothing would make me happier than being with you for the rest of my life. But I fear for you – after all, it is incredibly dangerous. All I want is for you to be happy and safe.”

“And I will be, when I’m with you,” MC said as a soft smile bloomed on her face, “I have no doubts about my choice – I want to be with you, always. The eternity in the Celestial Realm is worth hardly anything compared to even a day spent by your side...”

Before Solomon realized, he was leaning forward and pressing his lips to MC’s. The kiss they shared was full of love, full of hope, full of everything that Solomon wanted to tell her but did not know how. He never thought could be so loved – that someone would be willing to sacrifice so much for him. He did not deserve it, of course, but he would do anything to protect it.

When they pulled away from their kiss, they were quiet for a moment, looking into each other’s faces and smiling.

“Luke and Simeon will be very disappointed,” Solomon said after a pause.

“I know,” MC nodded, “And my heart aches – for them and all my kin and kith who I will not see for the rest of the eternity…You know, I never meant to make Luke sad. As for Simeon, I think he already knows.”

Solomon nodded – he would not be surprised. After all, Simeon always seemed to know more than he let on.

“There is just one thing,” MC added after a short pause, “As you know, I’m not too familiar with the human realm, so I might need your help getting used to it…”

Solomon could not help, but smile.

“Of course,” he said, putting his hand on MC’s, “I’ll help you with whatever you need.”

“Great,” MC replied smiling back at him, “And who knows, maybe at least in the human realm you and I will be able to go on a date without being interrupted.”

Solomon nodded – she was right, their dates have been interrupted all too often in the past few months by the demon brothers, all of whom, for one reason or another, were always in dire need of MC’s attention.

“Well, now I’m certainly looking forward to leaving the Devildom,” he replied, looking her in the eye, “I can hardly wait to have you all to myself.”

“Oh my,” MC let out a breathless laugh, “I hope that’s a promise.”

“Of course – if you want it to be.”

Fic masterlist

[tiriansjewel]

find it here on Spotify!

lyric explanations below the cut! (click images for better quality)

~~

~~

1. The 1 by Taylor Swift

“But it would've been fun

If you would've been the one”

As we start the playlist, Luke and Alex are taking a wistful look back on their relationship in the 90s now that they’ve moved on to other people.

2. Coming Clean by Green Day

“Seventeen and strung out on confusion

Trapped inside a roll of disillusion

I found out what it takes to be a man

Now mom and dad will never understand”

Back in the 90s, both Luke and Alex are coming to terms with their sexualities.

3. Smells Like Teen Spirit

“With the lights out, it's less dangerous

Here we are now, entertain us”

Sunset Curve were working towards popularity right at the height of the grunge scene, and I would assume that both Luke and Alex heard quite a bit of this song as teenagers.

4. Now or Never by Sunset Curve

“Keep dreaming like we'll live forever

But live it like it's now or never”

How could I not include Sunset Curve’s own song? They like living in the moment, and that includes their love lives.

5. Everlong by the Foo Fighters

“And I wonder

If everything could ever feel this real forever

If anything could ever be this good again

The only thing I'll ever ask of you

You've got to promise not to stop when I say when”

When you go through adolescence, you crave intimacy with other people. This song exemplifies what Luke and Alex want from each other- to be able to feel, and to be able to experience those feelings on a deeper level.

6. Ocean Size by Jane’s Addiction

“Wish I was ocean size

They cannot move you, man

No one tries

No one pulls you

Out from your hole

Like a tooth aching a jawbone”

Jane’s Addiction was another LA rock band of this time period, and these lyrics about wanting to be powerful like the ocean and having to leave your home really remind me of Luke.

7. All Apologies by Nirvana

“What else should I be?

All apologies

What else should I say?

Everyone is gay”

This song is Kurt Cobain ironically apologizing for his cynical attitude, including the line “everyone is gay” to mock homophobes. It reminds me of Alex- he doesn’t want to be “married and buried”; he is rebelling against his parents’ definition of a correct lifestyle.

8. Freaking Out The Neighborhood by Max DeMarco

“And I know it's no fun

When your first son

Gets up to no good

Starts freaking out the neighborhood”

Emily Patterson and Alex’s mom were probably both pretty appalled by their sons effectively joining the counterculture. At this point, both Luke and Alex are starting to express themselves more, comfortable in who they are and what they want.

9. Hangout With You by Diners

“All I want

Is to talk with you now

And I know that you've got time

You are constantly on my mind

Yes I know that you've got time

To hang out with me

Tonight”

Luke has begun to realize that he likes Alex, and in true Luke fashion, can’t stop thinking about it.

10. Affection by Between Friends

“I'm laying on the floor

We're drinking 'cause we're bored

Oh, I'm looking for affection in all the wrong places

And we'll keep falling on each other to fill the empty spaces”

One night, it all comes out- their feelings and desires- and they decide to begin some kind of friends with benefits type of situation. This song feels like it’s from Luke’s perspective to me.

11. gold rush by Taylor Swift

“What must it be like

To grow up that beautiful?

With your hair falling into place like dominos

I see me padding 'cross your wooden floors

With my Eagles t-shirt hanging from the door

At dinner parties

I call you out on your contrarian shit

And the coastal town

We wandered 'round had never

Seen a love as pure as it

And then it fades into the gray of my day old tea

'Cause you know it could never be”

Luke is a magnetic person, attracting everyone, and Alex finds him beautiful. He is in awe of him, but he’s also scared about having feelings he doesn’t know how to handle. This song kind of shows Alex’s internal monologue.

12. Can We Kiss Forever? by Kina

“I tried to reach you, I can't hide

How strong's the feeling when we dive

I crossed the ocean of my mind

My wounds are healing with the salt

All my senses intensified

Whenever you and I, we dive”

This song describes their first kiss, obscured from the world, in my mind. Plus, there’s ocean metaphors. You can’t go wrong with that.

13. 18 by Anarbor

“So if you wanna piss off your parents

Date me to scare them

Show them you're all grown up

If long hair and tattoos are what attract you

Baby, then you're in luck

And I know it's just a phase

You're not in love with me

You wanna piss off your parents, baby

That's alright with me”

Luke knows Alex isn’t in love with him, but they both want to try new things. Bonus points for this song having references to frayed parent-child relationships.

14. Boys Will Be Boys by Miles McKenna

“That graduation day, it never came for you and me

Couple drop-out kids, a shotgun wedding's all we need

Sorry, Mom, Sorry, Dad

Better luck next time

A couple packs a day, pierced nose and tattoos on our legs

No strangers to pretend, we've always been too proud to beg

Sorry, Mom, Sorry, Dad

Better luck next time

Boys will be boys”

This song referencing a “couple of drop out kids” just going with the flow made me think of how Sunset Curve probably never would have finished high school.

15. Just Like You by Three Days Grace

“You thought you were there to guide me, you were only in my way

You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you

I could be mean

I could be angry

You know I could be just like you.”

Both Luke and Alex have tons of resentment for their parents, obviously.

16. Sunstroke by Less Than Jake

“We've all been living proof

That time won't wait or choose

We know it ticks on without me and you

And I can't have both sides

Letting go or holding tight

I'm burning bright tonight”

This song about being stubborn and time not waiting really reminded me of Luke, plus the foreshadowing of them becoming ghosts and adapting to a whole new world.

17. Saint Bernard by Lincoln

“Saint Calvin told me not to worry about you

But he's got his own things to deal with

There's really just one thing that we have in common

Neither of us will be missed”

This song just made me think about Alex and his Catholic guilt.

18. Bedroom Hymns by Florence and the Machine

“This is a good a place to fall as any

We'll build our altar here

Make me your Maria

I'm already on my knees

You had Jesus on your breath

And I caught Him in mine

Sweating out confessions

The undone and the divine

This is his body, this is his love

Such selfish prayers and I can't get enough, oh”

Part 2 of Alex and his Catholic guilt. Their relationship has become more carnal, and this song maybe gives a little of Alex’s perspective into that time.

19. Church by Fall Out Boy

“And if death is the last appointment

Then we're all just sitting in the waiting room

I am just a human trying to avoid my certain doom

If you were church, yeah

I'd get on my knees”

Here ends the trilogy of songs with religious references. This song is heady and sensual and also includes some nice foreshadowing of their deaths.

20. Bros by Wolf Alice

“Shake your hair, have some fun

Forget our mothers and past lovers, forget everyone

Oh, I'm so lucky, you are my best friend

Oh, there's no one, there's no one who knows me like you do

Are your lights still on?

I'll keep you safe

If you keep me strong”

Here’s another song from Luke’s perspective- talking about forgetting mothers, being best friends, and keeping Alex safe, as long as Alex keeps him strong.

21. Slip Away by Perfume Genius

“Don't look back, I want to break free

If you'll never see 'em coming
You'll never have to hide

Take my hand, take my everything

If we only got a moment

Give it to me now

They'll never break the shape we take

Baby, let all them voices slip away”

Alex struggles with losing his family over his sexuality, and Luke helps him through it.

22. Make Out In My Car by Sufjan Stevens

“I'm not trying to

Go to bed with you

I just wanna make out in my car

And though I'm dying to

Fall in love with you

I just wanna make out in my car”

Another great song about just wanting to exist with someone, about wanting touch and feel and create. They don’t want to fall in love, they just want to be.

23. I Exist I Exist I Exist by Flatsound

“I remember the way you shook

Its a shame that we're not soul mates

Because if i didn't know better

I'd say this feels pretty good

How could i be scared?

When i stretch and feel that you're there

So shut your mouth

Because these words will speak themselves

I can feel them in these blankets

And they're surrounding your figure

Embraced in the quilts

And i cant help but think

You're my missing puzzle piece”

This song is so beautiful- with references to helping a partner through anxiety, and being just like ones mother... a lot of this dynamic in my mind is Luke and Alex reminding each other that they exist, that life is wide and bright, that they’re alive. This gives a window into Luke’s inner feelings as well.

24. Come on, Mess Me Up by Cub Sport

“I found comfort, I fell in love with avoiding problems

But I want this, you know I want this

So come on, mess me up

And you can break me, if you'll still take me

Ruin me, if you'll let me be one of the ones you say you won't forget”

At some point, they become more reckless about their feelings, a little less level headed about their arrangement. Intimacy is an escape.

25. Please Never Fall In Love Again by Ollie MN

“This is what it's like to be lovers

You and me need never be lonely again

Spin with me endlessly or at least until the end

Please never fall in love again”

As usually happens with these arrangements, feelings are caught. Luke and Alex consider making things more serious.

26. Can I Call You Tonight? by Dayglow

“Batteries drain, I get the memo

I think that I might have to let you go

So can I call you tonight?

I'm trying to make up my mind

Just how I feel

Could you tell me what's real?”

The end of their relationship is near, and Alex is unsure. You can decide if this takes place before or after they die.

27. Wicked Game by Chris Isaak

“I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

No, I don't wanna fall in love with you”

Eventually these relationships all start to feel like games, don’t they?

28. Perfect by The Smashing Pumpkins

“So far I still know who you are

But now I wonder who I was

Angel, you know it's not the end

We'll always be good friends”

Another song about the end of a relationship, and finding yourself again. There’s a bit of resentment there, but they are learning to be friends again.

29. Miss Missing You by Fall Out Boy

“Maybe I'll burn a little brighter tonight

Let the fire breathe me back to life

Baby you were my picket fence

I miss missing you, now and then”

They’ve gotten over each other and become friends again, but are still nostalgic for the past. Bonus points for references about coming back to life.

30. Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) by Green Day

“For what it's worth

It was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable

But in the end it's right

I hope you had the time of your life”

Ah yes, the song everyone uses to commemorate bittersweet ends- it’s the perfect clincher for this playlist.

I hope you all enjoy listening!

[misterbitches]

Dude yong jie’s character is literally unbearable this is like how not to write a vharacter 101

Our first intro to him is stalking, then PUNCHING someone in the LIVER bc the person he “loves” was fucking drunk and he blames his best friend? Then his mom is like “lmao actually um hes psycho” so anything they try to do retroactively like how they peppered in HIS DAD DIED A BLOO BLOO but previously it was also his OWN MOM going “im afraid he’ll lose his humanity” so not only was there no breathing room then it’s bumrushing him into their lives as best friends and it doesnt work. This dude sucks and he isnt even fun to watch. You know how breaking bad has one of the most abysmal main characters of all time but all of us were fucking ENGROSSED but the show made it clear that every enemy he faces, even the DEA, we want THEM to win (it is also a class analysis but woreva) so i am like wtf they show us literally nothing here. He’s just there. Wasting space and being awful. What is the purpose of his character in ssu’s life? Once you rape someone it is fucking over full stop but he didnt even fucking manage to start off in any compelling fucking way. Absolutely bonkers dude Esp bc theres at least a base moral code ie DONT HARRASS GIRLS UR “INTO” and thats why mei fang the absolute mad lad beaut was like “lmao nah i hate u”

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo?????????????????????????????????? WHERE IS THE WRITING HERE? WHAT IS THE SCRIPT? awhat is the PROGRESSION? This is such an insanely fucking dumb plo5 point i rly cannnnjnnntoeiwijshsgsgsgsgsgsgeggwiwowiw GORL

Lets talk abt the good things in the characters (theres none for yong jie hes just there being a little bitch)

Li cheng - himbo dumbass “manly” cutie and the manly stuff is fun cos it gets heaped on and yet every bit of him can be extremely “feminine” and jubilant. Great.

Muren - seems >:O but i rly like that hes actually pretty open in his own way. Side note: he is so thin and willow-y i rly loke tall pretty boys (and all women lmao) and he doesnt do it for me but He suits the character like his body and the way his character is. Also u gotta be weird and he is

Hsinng ssu (girl im never gonna learn how to spell their names it’s too much work cos the eng alphabet andnromanization is terrible) - mild mannered, good son, a homosexual confirmed confirmed g”(awesome!) great friend, good brother (and i guess his reward is being raped, great message!) and someone ppl like

The establishment of the three of them and their distinct personalities happens within minutes and then we meet

Yongjie - what about him? He may have an MI, okay, but we dont know for sure and oh gee that doesnt matter actually bc u have to get urself treated and also not be terrible. Not even psychopaths do the shit he does BC THEY HAVE TO GET HELP. Why the parents didnt get him help and are just realizing their son is terrible? Who knows . His purpose seems yo be “boy obsessed with brother like his actual brother” i dont care id they arent related in that way bc that’s not the fucking crux of incest and it is so insanely Fucked every thing to do with incest is almost always a disgusting powe r issue. WHAT PURPOSE DOES HE SERVE? WHAT DO WE ONOW ABOUT HIM OTHER THAN HE IS A FUCKING JERK AND AN IDIOT AND SUCKS AND I HATE HIM AND THAT HE WANTS TO STALK AND ATTACK THIS REALLY AWESOME FUCKING DUDE OK

There’s no returning point deom rhe line they croased byt theyb set him up for failure. Even in the fight hes a fucking cheater hes a goddamn immature rat they know he fucking sucks but he just sits there and waits for everyone else to move around him. A fucking selfish prick with nor edeeming qualities snd hes also a violent rapist stalker. Really great that thry have no clue how to make this dude actually have any humanity or likeability. Hes the man from 365 days basically except not even that hot and at least he kidnapped her but “WAITED” for “CONSENT” but in that movie’s world nothing mattered and it was bad and the point was to have a horny movie. But this show is for younger ppl and also IT HAS RULES AND IT KNOWS WHAT BAD ACTIONS ARE???? Soooooooooooooo in all these other dumb salacious books there seems to be just a mutual agreement that it’s fucked up but totally normal i their movie’s universee (it isnt and it is still just bad filmmaking)

Also it is up to yong jie to figure put how to get over it and understand that his brother is concerned for him. Bc it is. His brother. There’s a reason that incest is never advisable and thays bc there is no way in that situation that people aren’t somehow being coerced. There has to be a sort of split in the pursuer and the person being pursued bc one person is not thinking that way. (This is why people who find out they are related after the fact and havent grown up together is something thatms really unfortunate. They had no idea and they have to grapple with that but that is another scenario and it happens bc THEY DIDNT GROW UP TOGETHER.) i have experienced this from a (not immediate) fam member and i was the vulnerable one, had less powr, that is how it must go.

Thats why the power imbalance is scary and none of this is acceptable but it begs the question how did they get to this point? But the show doesnt even address that bc they cant bc theyre not original. And power imbalance does not mean automatic absolutely not territory. Theres things we dont like (in my casee i hate age gaps a lot) but i will avoid that.

I havemt seen “right or wrong” and i have no desire but from what ive garnered from ppl i like who liked that episode, the show outlined the moral issues with it. Idk if they did it in a way i would have preferred (again no desire) but at lesst from what ive heard it...tries? Idk i dont see the need for these if they dont give us a reason why these ppl should be together and there’s several lines that cannot be crossed that were. Basically it’s like stockholm syndrome now and there’s no choice for him, it goes beyond power imbalance and “legality” so to speak and now it’s just entrapment.

Theres not even avoiding or enjoying. Even for MODC as stupid as i found the secondary rship and negligent even like ok. Fine. Whatever. His boyfriend is 100 but at least it was semi agreed upon. It is what it is, go forth. I will criticize it but at least it was the story and as stupid and gross as i think it is and they will probs break up (idc what the show says) at least there are set ups that can make us see “why” it works and oh, gee, their whole rship relies on a different fucked up but at least at some point it could possibly be transcended. The foundation of youngjie is “rape entrapment and aw now they are in lvoe” BITCH NOOOO???? Where is the REASON? And why should we root for them? (There is none and when the Thing happens it is now impossible for that not to be absolutely foundational to their rship lmao and that is never something that goes away.)

I would like to say theres nothing romantic int he flashbacks i know thats what theyre trying to twll us but the actor is 30 and that child is like 8.

Im not missing the point bc i see it with my eyes and it sucks. If you cant even write the character well then how do you interest something heavy and work out the links? The only solution is yongjie dying i mean fucking off forever and hsing ssu not letting him into his lifeXni doubt we will get that but at the very least they cannot end up together and that will be their crowning fucking achievement over the waste of time bullshit plot this was. Imagine actual conflict that wasnt so deeply fucking traumatic and, oh, again WHERE ARE THE PARENTS? They fucked up SO FUCKING BADLY. This gives people the wrong idea about how these things work. God he is truly a shitty character and his ass isnt even fat so wtf bitch why am i here!

[booksbookandmorebooks]

Things i loved about the little women 2019 movie.

Hello lovelies, im back with another review today of the amazing Little women 2019 adaptation. Quite honestly I have a bit of a history with this story as I have tried reading the book many times (as I'm sure a lot of you who follow me on other social medias will know) and each time I have sadly DNF’d it. I cant help but feel it severely lacking something, upon reflection I think it was a number things, one of which was I felt no relation to any of the characters and couldn't find any shared similarities, I did not enjoy the pacing and the slice of life style was a bit of a struggle to keep me engaged. So when attending the movie for the first time, I didn't Have very high hopes and was still unsure about whether it would deliver but wow, I can honestly sit back and say it was just beautiful. The cinematography, the characters, the stories, just everything. I fell in love. So much so I have now seen it 3 times, and each time has been just as much of an emotional roller coaster as the first! If you have not watched the movie yet I implore you, I beg you to do so as soon as possible!

So today im bringing you a list of things I really liked. If you enjoy this post please hang around for the second part of this review ‘’what I didn’t like about little women’’ which will be uploaded very shortly.  Without further ado, here we go!

The warm and cosy aesthetic.

This movie provides such a wonderfully cosy feeling when watching it, almost like you're watching your best friends living their day to day lives with how invested and entranced you are by the smallest of interactions and conversations yet, I had no prior introductions with the characters (in a positive way) no bond with them but some how due to this intense feeling I found I care about each of the girls almost instantly. I cannot tell you how that was achieved, whether it’s the beautifully warm aesthetic of that time period or whether its down to good script writing I cannot say for sure but what I did feel was just mass amounts of affection throughout providing me with some very strong opinions and views early on.

The movie has as I stated, a warm feeling but yet is also very hard hitting at times, very raw and emotional. Of which the director leaves all of these feelings at the surface so the audience feel it just as hard. This enables the audience to really sympathise and empathise with the emotions of the characters in various scenes, thus creating a strong bond of shared pain. Whether that be through the death of a loved one, unrequited romance, career frustrations, family arguments, money struggles and many more.

The themes explored:

I really enjoyed the different themes this movie explores and how it manages to achieve this in such a subtle way to. There is never anything too in your face or extreme in this movie, which is why its paced so perfectly. we see themes of war (the girls father is away for a good portion of the movie and we have a wonderful scene where the girls are huddled round their mother while she reads his letter from the trenches out loud and we see a very raw moment they all share) we see themes of classes in the community (the extremely wealthy shown through Laurie and his father) the working families through the marches and extreme poverty through the young single mother who the marches provide constant support for, and the most common I feel, is the theme of death. I will not go into too much detail but, just be warned this is a very very constant theme, due to the time period this book/movie was set in it is only to be expected when you think about it.

The cast:

Meryl Streep. That’s it, that’s the point. No more is needed. Meryl Streep.

The Girls:

Now we come to my absolute favourite part of this movie. every single one of the girls had their shining moment, a real moment where they had to look into themselves and find their inner strength and make some very hard but real decisions in their lives and the way they were all delivered was spectacular, the amount of emotion we see from the girls was so empowering in such a way that had you experiencing a real ‘’hell yeah!’’ moment for these characters.

Amy: Her speeches to Laurie, my favourite being the one about society's expectations of women and how they are not treated as equals and are only seen as prizes given to reward men. Her issues with love and marriage and her desire to marry well for her future, that she wants to independent, she wants to great at her art and will not settle for anything less, all of which was such a moment seeing her react to such a throw away comment from a man in such an strong manner was just a powerful thing especially given the time period when women weren't seen as anything of real value and potential. They were mothers and daughters, they were kitchen staff they had their place and it was not a place equal to a man, never understood higher. The idea was strictly inconceivable.

’’I want to be great or nothing.’’

Meg: The scene where she really discovers the meaning of unconditional love in regards her husband after we have seen them in a very hard position and seen fracture begin to form in their relationship due to money worries and the stresses of a poorer life style than she had previously known, a life style we see is a lot less giving than we see her friends are blessed with. This ultimately leads meg to experience a lack in judgement, jealousy and resentment, but then we are able to see her redemption, We see her accept the selfishness of her actions, right the wrong she has caused through her thoughtlessness and welcome her husband into open arms with love and support regardless of their struggles. A really beautiful moment for the both of them.

Beth: The scene on the beach with Beth and Jo was definitely a stand out one for me, when Beth is pushing Jo to further her career as she knows how strongly Jo feels about writing . she is able to see through her sisters stubbornness, forget her own personal fear and troubles and do this one last thing for her sister, help inspire her to achieve her dreams. Which is one of many scenes that bought a tear to my eye, and just shows the immense strength Beth has after being seen as the weak and quiet one for so long, if anything this scene is a testament to that, and I see it as proof she is the strongest out of them all. She has her head screwed on the tightest and when faced with an impossible situation she chooses to help the people who mean most to her through the hardest of times instead of showing an ounce of fear or self pity.

Jo: Now lets be honest here. Jo has so many empowering scenes there are too many to list so I am sticking once again with my personal favourite...

When Jo sells her hair for help her family and mother

we see her strong and fearless in the face of others and throughout the movie. Characteristics she is renowned for, she knows what she must do for her family and she does it, she does it without a second thought and expects no praise. She takes seemingly, on the chin. but yet when doors are closed we see her become so much more human and fragile about this situation and pine for her femininity . Something she has shown no care or thought for prior yet through this scene it becomes apparent that Jo, behind this strong facade is still a woman, and all women want to feel beautiful, which I know is something we can all relate to. Jo has always been the character people want to be, shes strong, determined, career driven shes the ideal independent career woman but yet through this specific scene she becomes that little bit more human and that little bit more reachable.

And there we have it. Due to the length of this post I will be separating my review into two parts as I stated in my intro. I hoped you enjoyed this first part and have a fantastic few days, ill see you soon.

[starlightfaltershere]

Geraskier - android Jaskier

@sirencipher and I came up with something wonderful today and thought we gotta share. (they're wonderful ya’ll please give them all your love)

- a post-apocalypse AU, in which jasiker dies. Geralt, heartbroken, and unable to tell their family and friends that Jaskier had passed; builds a droid Jaskier out of desperation (and desolation.)  ‘no one can take the anguish of losing anyone else’ he thinks. ‘but, they can assume this is the real Jaskier.’ Geralt, employing magic, pulls Jaskiers memories from his physical form, and stores them into the droid Jaskier. and for all the droid Jaskier knows, they’re real, alive. 

- it’s a profoundly morbid creation, a hollow thing, ‘but it keeps Jaskiers memory alive’. and for now, that’s enough for Geralt. 

- Geralt covers up that the droid is not real, just until everyone is ready to lose Jaskier he reflects, just a ‘little while’. 

- and droid Jaskier cannot die on Geralt, which offers some consolation. 

- but looking at them makes him feel as if he has betrayed original Jaskier, but somehow he can’t let it go.

- in some moments, it’s easy to forget they aren’t the real Jaskier. he always fails in the times the droid is with other people, they look so real. but droid Jaskier isn’t the same when they are alone; it’s like having Jaskier there, but any time Geralt moves to touch, he dissolves into dandelion fuzz. Geralt could program how Jaskier felt about anybody else. but, Jaskier had never confided how he truly felt about Geralt. “Jaskier had tried as he laid dying, but the bullet had gone straight into his throat. the sole thing that graced his lips was blood and ocean waves.” the part of Jaskier he needs desperately is missing. was rinsed away in the sea’s salt.

-  Geralt had used as many of the memories he could pluck from Jaskier. but himself and the droid could not work out how the memories had threaded together to make up Jaskier. Jasker had always confounded the Witcher, now Geralt desperately wished he had made more of an effort to understand the man.  he’ll never wholly know now, with Jaskier - his Jaskier, his lark - changing into the larkspur flowers he adored so much in a small unmarked grave Geralt had dug him. 

- but Geralt fears that if he dies before he can admit to everybody about Jaskiers death, Jaskier grave will be lost to everyone. he’ll be forgotten. but he cannot risk putting a name to the unmarked grave, he can’t risk everyone finding out.

- ‘but when is their ever a right time to reveal to everyone of the crime he committed out of his own desperation?’

- he doesn’t know, so he vows to himself he will confess to them when he’s moved on. but it’s inconceivable, because everyday he wakes to almost Jaskiers face; it’s almost like the oil paintings in the museum’s Jaskier used to drag him too before the war. all the portraits of beautiful individuals, those individuals who were created perfect by other people. Jaskier was born perfect, and Geralt replication of him has far too many imperfections. it was all wrong.

- the droid stays for a long time. too long. 

- Geralt realises this was a terrible, terrible mistake. a lapse in his judgement - Jaskier caused a lot of those for him -but Geralt knew better. 

- one day he will shut the android down; Jaskier will die a second time. kill the ghost of his love, and that will weigh on his conscience until he’s back again with Jaskier. maybe even after that. 

- he questions why he really did this, did he honestly do this to save Ciri from losing another parent? no. it was a pitiful excuse for being selfish, this is the time Geralt had chosen to be selfish? he just could’nt handle remaining in a world where all his love could do is die. love is now a spear of larkspur, will someone rob him of that too? 

Geralt is pissed at himself for the situation he got himself into. how will he explain the droids death? its disappearance without hurting everyone? without hurting Ciri?

-he’s on a bed of knives, and any move will hurt himself and everyone else. he’s fucked himself. and he knows real Jaskier would be equally pissed as we as find the whole predicament hilarious.

- he can hear Jaskiers response just thinking of it.  “come on Geralt, what we’re thinking? that’s right, you weren’t thinking at all.”

- and perhaps the worse of all, he’s hurt the last remnants of the bard. he’s done a great evil against the android. lying to him about who he is and telling him will burst their mechanical heart. if they have one

- Geralt has gotten himself into a house of mirrors, not matter where he swings it’s going to hurt. he will not escape with no guilt. but it must end, maybe even soon. 'but not today’ he thinks.

- at some point, he finds himself sitting in Jaskiers room, surrounded by the parts of the real Jaskier that were left behind. Geralt had taken up caring for Jaskiers things. the droid couldn’t manage such a task. and they need to keep up appearances. 

- you see, real Jaskier is a fiddler, a tinker. he always had something in his hands. it’s one thing Geralt missed most. he always found broken lute strings tied in shapes and pulled apart pens and things around the house. he was constantly doing something. but all the android can do is hold them. blink at them slowly. they have no recollection of what to do with them.

- so Geralt decides that the droid will never see or touch another thing made by Jaskier hands. 

- the droid can’t even create any new songs, none that sound right. the soul just isn’t there. Geralt wonders why no one has noticed how pale the world is now. there are so many things amiss with android Jaskier. his eyes are the wrong shade of blue. his hair is wrong. passable. but wrong, and no matter how hard Geralt tried he couldn’t replicate Jaskiers smile. and worse, Jaskier sing-song voice. it seemed as if Geralt had hacked the soul from Jaskier. 

- a big part of him is furious that no one has realised the ruse, but they think Jaskier is just under the weather, maybe even heartbroken for the loss of the old world.

-but how could they imagine Geralt doing such a thing like building a fake Jaskier? great isn’t a liar. never. he was renowned for being ruthlessly honest. no one would think him capable of such a thing. but they forget he’s good at pretending. he did it around Jaskier for a long time. everyone. 

- Geralt eventually has a break down over android Jaskier not being enough, about what a piss poor copy he made of the man. Geralt questions if he even really knew the bard.

- he didn’t. and it will torment him until he dies. so he looks through Jaskiers notebooks, in hopes to touch some unexplored part of him. he finds songs, notes of Jaskiers thoughts

- he finally cries. 

- he cries when he sees Jaskiers drawings. he didn’t know the bard could draw. Geralt finds lots of doodles and pictures of him mingled amongst love songs and stories of Geralts heroism. 

- there are unsent love letters, years worths of them. unsent letters addressed to Geralt are tucked amongst the pages. some are sealed, ready to send. others not even finished. Geralt wants to read them, truly. but is it right for him to read them? Jaskier isn’t here to say no and none of this really matters. it doesn’t matter, he’s already surpassed considering morality. so he reads them. 

- It’s all too painful, and the realisation has been a creeping thing, and it hits him like a freight train. And here he is, sitting in the ashes of a man’s life, responsible for a fraudulent version of him.

 And Geralt decides then and there to get rid of the android. But it won’t be easy now, is it? it’s been weeks, months? And there’s so much he must explain. Even to the android. He may not be Jaskier. But he still wears his face.

- but he has to. so like every other night, he helps the droid to bed. but this one will be different. Geralt can’t help but take the droids to face in his hands - cradle Jaskiers face in his hands for the first and last time. and tell them the truth.

- the droid cannot cry, but if they could he know it would be. Geralt tells them he’s so fucking sorry. love - love makes you do stupid things. horrible things. but it won’t hurt, he swears, it’s just like going to sleep, you’ve gone to sleep so many times

-  Geralt slowly raises the droids shirt. pries its chest open - where Jaskiers heart should be. ha, Geralt thinks, this is not the first time he’s ripped Jaskiers heart open, he’s read the bards poems, songs, about how the Witchers hands had dug into jaskiers soul and tore it into two. but this isn’t Jaskier. with tears, Geralt pulls out wires and wheels that made up the droids heart. 

- the droid leaves him with the image of Jaskiers face permanently frozen half afraid, half sad look. not too much different from how the real Jaskier looked. just lacked the sea water and blood.

- Geralt catches the droid as it fell. something he wished he could have done for Jaskier. he sets them on the bed. makes it look as if Jaskier had passed peacefully. for his own sake and for their families sake. it’s what he deserved. 

I no one really asked what happened. a great many of the things could have happened. Jaskier finally gets a funeral. one he deserves. but Geralt asks to bury him alone. he dismantles the droid. and marks Jaskiers grave; it lays facing the ocean. 

[littlebabycrybtch]

god lmao when you hear a neurotypical and/or abled person spout the words ‘quality of life’ you know you are about to hear the ugliest most dehumanizing selfish fucking argument abt how anybody thats different from them must be suffering for it and how theyd wanna kill themselves if they were disabled or w/e the fuck like. jesus lmao mam as an autistic person with chronic pain frankly if i had your brain id definitely wanna kill myself cus being that fucking ableist and shitty and self centered is no way to live like i honestly cant imagine being ok w/ that existence. also idk have you even once considered that your evil ignorant selfish assumptions are whats actually contributing to my struggle. 

in other words; stop comparing your life to mine. you are not my fucking advocate and those who ‘cannot’ advocate for themselves still dont need you to be their nihilistic savior or whatever disgusting thing you think it is you are doing. “quality of life” like god karen maybe we just dont make wild assumptions with extreme consequences about how minorities view the worth of their own existence by looking at it through your own selfish lens and ranking it against your personal level of functioning as if its educated and selfless of you to think that should be the metric and standard of the whole universe and anyone who cant match it must be unhealthy bc they cant relate to you. 

like kjsdfsd maybe just stop talking abt how badly you wanna euthanize disabled kids and how its a moral responsibility to kill disabled people and prevent disabled babies bc u assume theyre in pain from nature and not from the ableist society you contribute to with your weird cruel statements like that !!! ffs jsut stop jesis fuckinG C H R I S T stop it its so gross. you literally dont know Shit. ‘but the doctors tm said the patients condition is a sentence to lifelong misery and they’ll never be able to speak they may not even have thoughts i-’ oh my goddDDD DUDE I LITERALLY HONESTLY DONT CARE ABT WHATEVER PROPAGANDA ABLED DOCTORS TELL U ABT DISABLED KIDS FROM WIDELY ABLE CENTRIC MEDICAL SCIENCE CREATED WITHIN AN ABLED CENTRIC SOCIETY, it is 100% FACT THAT YOU CANT ACTUALLY SEE ANYONE ELSES EXPERIENCES SO /YOU DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT SINGULAR DISABLED PEOPLES LIVES/. YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO US FIRST, AND WHEN WE CANT COMMUNICATE, YOU HAVE TO PUT IN SOME ACTUAL >EFFORT< TO THINK ABOUT HOW TO HELP US IN WAYS THAT DONT REVOLVE AROUND LITERAL FUCKING EUGENICS AS YOUR GO-TO. your goddamn ‘advocacy’ is literally just talking over us and silencing us, and with fucking lazy and Abominable intentions. shut the fuck UP you pieces of shit if murder is your solution to a group of people you could just be focused on Helping then you people will never be anywhere close to knowing what true ‘’‘MERCY’’’ is even if it bit you in the fuckin dick lol