#but now perhaps i will at least let myself enjoy fandom again even if i don't necessarily write anything for it (at least anytime soon)

[kingdom-creatin]

this place looks so different now what has happened

[venus-giirl]

"Run, butterfly"

Gyutaro Shabana x fem reader.

Fandom: Demon Slayer. Word Count: +1k. Rating: dark romance, enemies, persecution, bloody kisses, obscene words. N/A: Okay. It's been a long time and by that I mean I haven't written anything on this social network for over a year. I'm doing well. I've been fine. I just wasn't finding myself with the perfect inspiration to create scenarios for the characters I love so much. And this lets me down about myself. But now, after finding my inspiration again I'm back and I'm writing new scenarios for the dear readers who read and support me. I want to remind that English is not my native language, but I use the translator for the texts I write. So I apologize for any mistakes in the translation or if you find any "her" instead of "him". I try not to make this mistake and I try to reread the whole text carefully. Without further words, here I bring you a fanfic of Gyutaro as a tribute for being the last character I wrote and the one who has had more support. Thank you very much to all of you for that. I hope to come back with much better writings and with more variety of characters. Questions are open :) Kisses, enjoy it

BEAST

You should not have gone out on the mission alone, at night. Going on your own when you were a pillar might have been easy, power coursed through your veins, and fire burned in your determination. But you were still too much of a novice to ever reach the position of pillar. In fact, this goal was so fuzzy in your life that you didn't mind being a simple demon hunter.

But damn it, even low-ranking hunters knew the number one rule of a demon hunting mission; don't go out fucking alone and without telling at least someone in the squad. The steam from your breaths trickled past your lips in little white, ephemeral clouds. Your legs were cramped, you'd been running for over twenty minutes. And with good reason. The same carmine-colored eyes had been haunting you the entire run. A great laugh with a ring of madness escaped from your captor and you couldn't help but feel a pang of some fear along with a sensation settling in your belly. Perhaps it was the fact that if you failed to escape you might be devoured.

"Run, little butterfly. I'll catch you." The thirst for blood and madness built up in every word the demon screamed at you. In an attempt to throw it off, you twisted to the right side of the road. Several trees prevented you from running in a straight line and a feeling of emptiness settled in your stomach when, without realizing the situation, your body fell forward. A pang settled in your hands as they rested on the ground to break your fall. Startled, you quickly sat up and tried to crawl as best you could across the small bed of fallen leaves that lay beneath you. However, a breath coos against the back of your neck and your skin bristles as you hear his voice croon again;

"You are mine." Claws imprisoned your neck, spinning you around so that you were face to face and nose to nose, with the demon above you. His beaked white teeth gleamed in the distant moonlight that was hidden behind your powerful body. His muscles tensed in a delicious shiver at having captured your bunny. After a grunt of satisfaction, Gyutaro said again:

"It makes me so horny when you run away from me. The fucking rotten blood swirls in my fucking crotch when you do that. When I chase after you to hunt you down." A moan escaped your lips as the grip on your throat grew more powerful and prevented you from breathing.

"Gyu…" You managed to say in a sob. "You…you scared me." Your eyes gave off a gleam of terror that only managed to increase the demon's arousal.

"Mmhm… Did I scare you, butterfly?". His nose buried itself in the hollow of your neck to smell your sweet, soft scent of roses and cinnamon. He pulled away from you slightly and looked at you in an angry glare from under your neck. "Haven't the fucking pillars taught you not to go out alone in the woods? So useless are they that they let one of the best slayers wander alone. Some other demon might hunt you… and that would piss me off."

Then it opens its mouth and its powerful fangs dig into the soft juncture between your neck and shoulder. You groan in pain and your hands reflexively grab strands of his wavy hair. He hums and his body hovers closer to yours so that you can feel the hardness of his crotch between your thick thighs.

You had known Gyutaro for a couple of years. The answer to the question of how he hadn't killed you yet was still unexplained. Let's just say he was infatuated with you. Your scent was the first thing he mentioned that he liked and that he didn't want to get rid of you. You met the same way this whole initial event had happened; a chase. The first time he tasted your blood he let out a hoarse moan as if he was a starving animal and had tasted the best of morsels after decades without encountering anything like it.

"Ooh, God. It tastes even better when it's running scared through your veins. So hot". His eyes lowered to your lower lip, which you were biting as a slight blush grew on your cheeks in a shy reflex.

You had long denied to yourself that falling in love with a demon was out of the question. They had only one option in their mind; to kill. And you had always heard that they could not feel love. Love which blossomed in your chest with every passionate night you spent with him.

Thoughts of the past settled in your mind; the creaking of the bed as he rode you to orgasm, the sound of the sheets tearing under his sharp nails that never dug deeper than they should into your soft skin to hurt you, the sound of his heavy breaths on your neck and soft breaths of your moans that filled the lonely cabin you lived in. And all those obscene and beautiful words he whispered in your ear.

Intoxicating.

"You're thinking of everything I could do to you, aren't you?". Gyutaro noticed your small absence and noticed how you squeezed your thighs together to manage to retain the heat that emanated from your sweetness and that even he might be able to smell. His undoing. He continued, "You're thinking about how I could fuck you on these cold, dead leaves. About how I'm going to make your body arch beneath me and how your mouth is not going to moan, no, but scream my fucking name in search of your delicious orgasm." His weight became even more intense on your body and you moaned against his lips as he came on you with a murderous glint in the irises of his eyes. "And on how I'm going to end up filling your womb with my thick fucking demon load".

You didn't know at what point you had fallen in love with this demon, nor when the end of your story would be, but what was really clear to you was that you would take every opportunity offered by this sinful illicit love between a guardian and a demon.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

I've asked myself many times over the course of three years about how would I react to information that comes to contradict a specific image I have about people. And the answer would differ, more or less, depending on a myriad of factors, such as my mental wellbeing, my attitude toward the fandom, the group, the members, etc. The truth is, I only knew how I would respond the moment it happens and I was pleasantly surprised in a way. I see it as a sign that I'm doing better or at least I'm on the path of doing better.

These are things that I didn't want to allow to come to surface in the way I used to handle the BTM blog. Perhaps because the point was to create a platform in which I could offer the rational, researched perspective which I considered to be the correct one. I'm not retracting any of that. I still believe that it is possible to offer a more complex perspective if I can back it up with knowledge from various fields, but it was also one of my defense mechanisms.

Without expanding on the personal reasons, it has become very easy for me to separate my rational and emotional side. So much, that even when I should be staying in the moment and let my emotions take space, I can't really do it, I need to come up with a rational explanation so it can make sense. I then applied this to BTS as well. I couldn't just say I like this group when someone would ask, I would have to tell them about all the studies I read and how my fascination is mostly intelectual, when in truth it was both. I used to talk about jikook only in the context of analysis, be it GCF through semiotics or various types of interpretations when it came to their performances or fandom reception in terms of their dynamics. It had to be in the context of rational fascination and curiosity because I was merely trying to justify myself on why I care that much about two strangers that I look at on my phone. Again, my intellectual curiosity is real, but that has always been only one side if the coin, but it was one that I pushed.

It's about shame actually. I can't actually accept that I have such an interest. It doesn't fit with the idea I have of myself. And sometimes I don't like it because it makes me question my intellect, my critical thinking. How can I be so good academically and at the same time I fear that I've fallen into a fandom trap? I'm smart, right? Right?

I'm sure a lot of people have dealt with or ar going through this process of cognitive dissonance. How does one deal with the mere idea that something they believe in based on their understanding of the world, their ability of decoding (not in a conspiracy sense, but in a Saussurean way) can turn out to be wrong? We see something that resembles a specific behavior that we are surrounded with our entire lives, sometimes we ourselves engage with, but we've identified it wrong on others? Of course, it's through the visual medium, one that is edited. It's a puzzle with large chunks missing, but we're getting a general idea of it. But we can be wrong. So how do we deal with that? Well, I don't have a correct answer.

Me in 2020/2021 would have been more affected because my mental health was not good. I was functionally depressed and I clinged so much onto BTS, Jikook and the small community that I found myself in at that time, that I would have felt a lot more torn than I am now.

A couple of years later and having to actually go through a situation in which my understanding of people's relationship might not be accurate, I realized I'm fine. And I think it's because it made me really register just now that I finally learned how to have fun with it. It took me three years. By having fun, I mean genuinely being able to simply enjoy the little things. I'm still on the path of not being ashamed for liking kpop or spending time talking about the dynamic/relationship of two people.

What prompted this post was reading what is currently being written in the jikook tag. Yes, I had this big introductory chunk that perhaps people won't bother reading, but I'm doing it for myself. If I can't be honest while writing stuff into the void for strangers to read, then what is the point?

I get frustrated very easily. I like debates and contradictory points of view, but not always. And that's because I like to be right. Almost all the time. So when I see something that I believe it lacks logic or I find it absurd, then my fingers are itching. I don't comment or DM people, I can control myself. I'd rather get out of the app and do something else.

What I want to say is I was surprised at how much fanfiction is being written. More that usual. Shipping contains a big deal of fanfiction by its nature. Gestures and events taking place at different times are interpreted and having information added that fills the gaps. People do that because they have to make sense of what they see.

They like to make relationship timelines. They speculate on first kisses and first sexual experiences. That's their imagination. None of us has any way of knowing. The element of fiction is heighted when people feel like they are losing control of the narrative. When they are unsure of what they are seeing. Which is what usually happens in the shipping community on a yearly basis. Anons flooding the bloggers' inboxes because they need confirmation or they didn't get any ship content in a month or two which means something is wrong.

There's this understanding that the shipper/supporter is delusional while the one who stops shipping is the rational one. From what I've observed throughout time and mostly now, that is a false distinction. The so-called rational fan makes use of fiction just as the shipper. The difference is in purpose. One talks about why the supposed romantic relationship is real and the other tries to refute that. But both categories seem to need fiction in order to build their arguments. That is because none of them have access to someone's private life and relationship, so the gaps need to be filled with speculation. There is no right or wrong version here, despite how much the idea is being pushed. And me writing about this won't make a difference. It's simply how the fandom works. The one who position themselves on the side of anti-delulu will always be seen as the less crazy one. The similarities will fade for the collective consciousness of the fandom.

I think it's difficult for a lot of people, regardless on which side they find themselves on, to accept that the option of simply not knowing is enough as well. Or knowing, but without getting anal about it. But it's hard and they write posts after posts, anons are sending asks over asks because there has to be a firm answer. Only a few allow themselves to be in between lines.

I'll bring back something that I always used to say. Shipping and involvement in the fandom is a lot more about us and less about the people we're talking about. It's about fullfiling some needs, of needing a community, of focusing on the idea of love. Those things can still be done in a way that still makes the experience enjoyable. But not everyone can and I'm not blaming it.

There's a way to just like how people behave with each other and imagine things without adding so much weight to it. Regardless of the true nature. It's our imagination, there's no need for a moral inquisition to tell anyone how to think or that they should stop thinking a certain way. Touching some grass is a cliche and an expression I ended up hating, but I do believe that being connected to discourse on a daily basis can really alter our sense of reality and what we consider to be real issues. We really should pay more attention to that and take some distance if necessary.

[vladdyissues]

Hi, it’s me, the asker who was so curious about Danny at school ✨

I got three things to say, silly thing first, 1. I’m so curious about what Danny’s diet is gonna be. I was rereading that chapter, and if Vlad has to eat meat to stoke the flames, does that mean Danny has to go vegetarian? That would be so fucking funny, I’m ngl 😂 but also sad, bc then he’d be thinking about Sam all the time 🥺 anyways, I’m just interested to see what you do with it 👀

2. You got me thinking about enemies to lovers, hardcore. And I realized, when I enjoy that kind of ship, I’m not here to see them become all lovey-dovey and domestic. I’m here to see the pain, and the toxicity, and the deep codependency of it all. The ‘I hate you, but I can’t leave you’, and the ‘you might kill me one day, and I embrace that.’ If you’ve watched Hannibal, you know exactly what I mean 😂 For Vlad and Danny, I don’t really give a fuck if it’s pompep or badgercereal, i just want angst and codependency 😈 I think that’s part of what I like about your story so much, is that it’s toeing the line between the two relationships. Halfway parental, and halfway toxic/romantic love.

3. You’ve fucking ruined me for other fanfiction rn 😭😂 I can’t read anything else for more than five minutes 🥲 Partially bc I’m so invested in the story, but also bc your writing style IS SO FUCKING GOOD. YOU SHOULD BE WRITING ACTUAL BOOKS, LIKE WTF. Anywayyysss, I’ll just curl up into a little ball of boredom on the floor till you update again 😂💕

Sending much looooove, 😘 I hope the brain to fanfic pipeline is working out for you 🤌

Hello and holy shit! What an ego-bloating kind and generous ask this is! Let me jump right in:

1. I don't want to spoil the plot too much, but Danny's diet is going to be key in unraveling a very important part of Vlad's enigma, and I cannot wait to get to that point. I've been sprinkling crumbs of information throughout the story thus far, laying down a foundation upon which to build this Big Thing, and the next chapter (14) will—or should, anyway—finally begin to deliver on it.

2. My friend, you've just given me an epiphany: it's not so much Enemies to Lovers that we adore, I suspect, as it is Enemies and Lovers. That's exactly the tag I'd use to describe Hannigram, and it's such a different and exciting dynamic. I've never quite—well, scratch that—okay, I've never written Enemies and Lovers in such depth as I am with Familiar. There's something darkly satisfying about letting lovers remain ugly; the notion that deep, abiding affection can exist in tandem with fear and disgust; that even monsters—in the very act of being monstrous, or perhaps because they are monstrous and not in spite of their monstrosity—are capable of loving and being loved.

3. Frhgahrglahrglahg I'm going to print and frame this one and hang it on my wall for days when I feel utterly inept. I've been writing fanfiction for a while now, and I've written volumes of silly, embarrassing, poorly-executed tripe, so if I haven't at least gotten a little bit good at what I'm doing, I doubt I ever will �� That said, I'm putting a lot of effort into Familiar, I mean pulling out every stop and employing every nut and bolt in my mental toolbox to craft a good story (and reading. Always reading), partly as a challenge to myself and partly out of sheer love for this great ship and its fandom. Everyone here is so nice and welcoming and awesome. I only hope my tiny contribution continues to entertain.

Speaking of which, the wait for this next chapter shouldn't be long. The feedback I've been receiving is phenomenal, and it's definitely helped to fuel me along when my mania wavers. I'm incredibly grateful to you and everyone reading enjoying this story. Thank you thank you ♥

[lutiaslayton]

So uh. Hi, I finally made a decision I probably should have made a long while ago thanks to talking a bit on Discord: for the sake of my sanity I will not be keeping up the weekly schedule after all 😔 Layton's Book Club updates WILL be posted exclusively on Saturdays at the decided time, instead of at any random time in the week, and I will likely make a few heads up when we're on a lucky week during which you'll get an update, but I will not force myself to make it happen every single week. Simply because at least right now, it is physically impossible for me to do so. (Chapter 1 Part 1 of Illusory Forest is going to be the end of me, and not just because I am still questioning if the author was under the influence of some Folsense gas while writing it.)

That being said, I believe this should actually be treated as good news, and not just good news for my personal health. Because, sure, the updates will not come out as often as I had originally planned to. But in the long run, I actually believe that since I no longer plan to force myself to only work on one thing (which has progressively been eating at my sanity on top of that because darn it this chapter is stupid and it just doesn't seem to END, + it'd be nice if I could finally get some content out that is my creation rather than somebody else's), it means that I will actually allow myself to post more diverse Layton stuff in the meantime.

Stuff like the Evan Barde post I made a few days ago, or other helpful-for-the-fandom stuff that isn't translation work, or… even maybe stuff like finally allowing myself to write SLS and draw random stuff again? Or even read other people’s fanfics and comics and AUs and stuff? (ok technically that last one would probably not lead to tumblr content but shush it means I would take time to look at YOUR content for a change)

The list of stuff I'd like to post in the future includes but is not limited to:

A tutorial on how I get my translation stuff done despite the fact that I do not actually speak Japanese. Best case scenario, this might even lead to some brave people among you to start helping me with this monumental task that is translating multiple novels and games from scratch while you're not even fluent in the language you're translating, and this would be a MASSIVE weight off my back. (spoiler alert: while I do use DeepL to check stuff and/or get inspiration, my work is NOT limited to simply copy/pasting sentences into it and then copy/pasting whatever it gives me back)

The Playthrough series! You had all forgotten about it, hadn't you? Yeah, me too.

Lore analysis stuff in general. I have a massive, absolutely insane project ongoing which is basically "Want to find some info about X? Just open that one (1) web page, enter a few tags such as a specific character's name or location, clich the Search button, and get a list of every single known fact which is related to all of your tags which is summarised down to the bare minimum fact, along with the exact source and quote directly taken from the source material."

Puzzle theory stuff. I've talked about it a lot, it'd be cool if I could finally get the stuff sorted and actually provide all the evidence supporting, refining or challenging it in one place. Above-mentioned lore analysis stuff should help with that.

More fancy shitpost such as the ones found in the #lutiasdraws tag. Let me join in on the fun pls it's good for my mental health to get some serotonin out of non-boring stuff. Heck, perhaps I might even do fanart/shitpost about some fanfics/AUs/others I find and enjoy.

That being said, I apologise to everyone who was hyped at the idea of Illusory Forest updating weekly, but I hope you'll still enjoy the stuff I'll be posting here. If not, blacklisting tags is a thing! I tag everything diligently so for example if you're tired of seeing me ramble about stuff (I do that a lot lately, sorry for that 😭), you can just block the #lutiastalks tag. Yes I finally decided to make #lutiasreplies exclusive to actually replying to asks or reblogs, and use #lutiastalks for random news stuff. yay to self-care and cleaning up my house, head, and tumblr blog.

[waitmyturtles]

In your honest opinion, is it worth continuing to watch Step By Step? I've got to about episode 8 and am rewatching the first episodes again because I want (or perhaps wanted at this point) to write an analysis on the show's theme of "work/life - business/pleasure" which is something I've really enjoyed and which has been really well done up until where I am, despite any other flaws the show may have.

That being said, ep. 11 sounds like a complete mess and I don't know if I can be bothered to watch something that's dropped the ball just to watch for a single theme I love and even though I think the analysis could be interesting.

Should I go with my emotions and go and watch something that doesn't seem to be biting of more than it can chew or should I let my academic braincell see if it can hold itself until the end?

Feel free to ignore this I'm just trying to work things out and I know you do analysis so I thought it'd be worth an ask 😋

Ahhhhh. I feel like I’m not the right person to ask about this specifically for SBS.

Generally speaking, I am on Team Drop-It-If-You-Hate-It. I don’t believe in hate-watching. There’s TOO MUCH great stuff to watch or rewatch out there.

I don’t think I hate SBS, per se. I do believe yesterday’s episode 11 dropped a LOT of narrative balls. But it happens to be that MANY people whose taste I trust are still watching AND loving this show, so I want to put in every iota of effort to see what they’re seeing — but unfortunately, I haven’t caught it yet. (I am still relatively new to fandoms — this is my first time seeing the Tumblr world SO divided on a show.)

Here’s my understanding of how the show’s writing has gone down. Up until episode 10, the show’s script hewed closely to the original SBS novel. After episode 10, I understand Tee Bundit and the screenwriters went off-novel to include more themes of macro commentary on queer acceptance and workplace culture. If I were you, wanting to do an analysis on work-life balance, I really think the early episodes alone capture those conflicts VERY well, particularly with Jeng literally working two executive-level jobs to relieve his filial stress of being pressured to take over his dad’s company. This itself is GREAT material for a standalone analysis.

Now — if you wanted your analysis to include issues of queer acceptance in the workplace, then I would continue watching the later episodes, and @bengiyo and @respectthepetty have written FABULOUS meta on this for episode 11, which I think you will find very helpful (here and here and here and here — RTP Senpai in particular is hard in the paint for this show, for which I have mad respect).

So — it ultimately depends on what your priorities are. I’m a busy mom, so I haven’t been happy with the long episodes to nowhere, but I do wanna see what my friends are seeing and give this show my best shot. At least I’m learning more about what I myself prioritize from narrative structures, or a lack thereof! I am an EVER-optimist and will be watching the finale, and would like to recant ANYTHING I’m clearly wrong on with this show. I have no shame to edit and correct myself. I want to be proven wrong that this show’s not broken from a structural perspective—we are all valuing different things about this show.

[spiritsong]

hey y'all! I desperately need more people to follow so I'm sending this little soldier of a post into the tags

the vast majority of my blog is centered around dragon age! thedas is my hyperfixation <3 I eat alistair for breakfast lunch and dinner. also enjoy snacking on solas, fenris, and anders. (clearly I have a thing for troubled men.) also morrigan. I like reblogging posts from others (& occasionally make my own) that center on character + narrative analyses, headcanons, talking about OCs, etc. I run my mouth in the tags. sometimes I make art. perhaps one day I will get over myself and share some writing.

bioware critical, occasionally fandom critical. but fret not, we get silly & hor knee on here too. a lot. ... most of the time actually.

every now and then you will see other games on here, like mass effect, skyrim/tes, the witcher, the arcana, & apparently some touchstarved because that's my new obsession of the week

something I'd really like to stress -> I'm unabashedly character positive. yes, even for the villains. (especially for the villains.) on occasion I might say I want to punch xyz character in the face but it's all affectionate I promise. <3 I am a full believer in being able to love & find comfort in a character that is complicated, immoral, poorly written, etc. because that is the beauty of fiction and story-making. I will still reblog posts that might sound character-critical (and the OP may have intended it to be that way); I enjoy other peoples opinions even if I may not fully agree with them. my personal view is that character-critical can often translate to writer-critical because... again... fiction. if you want "#xyz critical" tagged just let me know! (same goes for CWs)

uhh what else. I usually have a shit ton of posts queued (at least 5-10 a day + whenever I post or reblog when I actually hop on here, which is pretty regularly). I am an Adult so minors proceed with caution.

ANYWAY if you can vibe with all of the above/ are interested in some of the same things, let's be mutuals & be weird and unhinged together

[speeed-and-power]

new fic page + fandom statistics

continuing on my quest to make my blog generally more accessible and generally better all round, I’ve updated the page where you can find all the fics I’ve written. it has filters so you can sort by pairing, rating, and genre, and is infinitely more readable than my last one!

it’s also allowed me to do some ~fun fandom fic statistics~ which my autistic self loves! I’ve put them below the cut because they’re dull.

Pairings

I’ve written 22 fics about Clarkson, Hammond and May, but for the purposes of these statistics I’m excluding my dribble/drouble/drabble roundup fic because I can’t be bothered including those 12 or so little ficlets. So, of the 21 fics:

Je/R was the first pairing I wrote

it was obviously my favourite for a while, because 10 of the 21 fics are Je/R

7 are J/J

3 are OT3

1 is Ja/R

I find this interesting—I like reading all pairings equally, and in theory like the idea of writing all pairings, but clearly I find myself drawn overwhelmingly to Je/R and J/J. I adore OT3 but find it tricky to write, and I also enjoy Ja/R but it doesn’t come as easily to me as anything with Jeremy in, so that’s why I think I’ve neglected it up until now.

This compares interestingly to the fandom overall, where the most popular pairing differs by platform! I’m just focusing on the main four pairings here (sorry Andy, Stig, and others D:) in order to more easily compare to my own writing.

On dreamwidth (which includes aggregate posts from the old LJ comm):

Ja/R leads with 1,551

J/J comes second with 1,455

OT3 is third with 1,109

Je/R is last! with 1,003

On ao3 under the Top Gear (UK) RPF tag:

J/J is first with 746 fics

Ja/R is second with 540 fics

OT3 is third with 442

Je/R is last again with 396

It’s fascinating to me that clearly the LJ comm was the place for fics, even though ao3 has been around since 2007. Although in saying that I believe it only really started to get popular from 2010 onwards (the first thing I ever posted on there was in 2013, a since-orphaned, really bad James Bond/Raoul Silva fic that I wrote when I was 16 LOL) and I know the comm has been active at least back to 2008.

Lastly, on ao3 under The Grand Tour (TV) RPF tag:

J/J is first with 200 fics

Je/R is second with 146

Ja/R is third with 125

OT3 is last (just!) with 124

Obviously we can’t take these numbers as being set in stone because fics may have multiple pairings and thus multiple tags (and I know most people tag both fandoms on ao3, which doubles up the numbers), but they do give us a good idea. What’s consistent about all three platforms is that J/J is at the top or very near the top (this doesn’t surprise me; anecdotally I always thought it was the most popular pairing) and OT3 is at the bottom or near the bottom. It’s also interesting to me that in recent years Je/R seems to have leapt in popularity, and I wonder why. Were there a bunch of primarily Ja/R writers back in the day who have since left fandom?

Moving on to...

Ratings

When it comes to my fics (and keep in mind I’m using the Australian rating system of G/PG/M/MA/R here) it’s not an exact science and I’m not very good at rating but I’ve done my best:

9 are G/PG (maybe a little smooching)

3 are M (perhaps some over-the-clothes action, or more mature themes)

1 is MA (slightly smutty without being explicit)

7 are R (smut)

I’m surprised at this, because I didn’t realise I’ve written that much smut. Of those rated R fics, though, 3 are Je/R, 2 are OT3, one is J/J and one is Ja/R. So I’m at least a somewhat equal opportunity porn provider.

To make it confusing, both ao3 and the DW comm use different rating systems to each other and to me (the DW one I think is the american system and is thus incomprehensible to me, and ao3’s has always seemed vague), but let’s look at them anyway:

dreamwidth

rated G - 178 uses - 5th

rated PG - 272 uses - 3rd

rated PG-13 - 329 uses - 2nd

rated PG-15 - 133 uses - 6th

rated R - 228 uses - 4th

rated NC-17 - 505 uses - 1st

I find it interesting that these numbers don’t correspond to the amount of fics with pairings that are listed in the comm, meaning I guess a lot of fics on there aren’t tagged with their ratings. I’m thus not too sure about the accuracy of these numbers—but regardless, of what’s tagged, the people want smut it seems! LOL

ao3 - Top Gear (UK) RPF

General Audiences - 618 uses - 3rd

Teen & Up Audiences - 736 uses - 1st

Mature - 525 uses - 4th

Explicit - 668 uses - 2nd

Not Rated - 155 uses - 5th

ao3 - The Grand Tour (TV) RPF is largely the same, except General Audiences and Explicit switch places:

General Audiences - 197 uses - 2nd Teen & Up Audiences - 225 uses - 1st Mature - 146 uses - 4th Explicit - 177 uses - 3rd Not Rated - 80 uses - 5th

I find it interesting that Mature is as unpopular as it is, but otherwise, I’m not too sure what else to glean from these statistics. Moving on to my final data point...

Genres

This was nearly impossible for me to quantify because I am good at tagging my fics but a lot of the tags I use are quite specific (“First Time”, “Episode Related”) so I find it hard to fit my fic into the commonly-accepted overarching ‘genres’ of fic: fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, and smut are the four that first come to mind. A lot of my fics ended up being fluff, a few smut, one or two angsty, but there are more than a few that I left untagged completely when it comes to genre because they’re kind of nothing! If anything they were maybe fluffy, but fluff to me implies tooth-rottingly sweet and these pieces didn’t really scream that to me.

smut (everything rated R basically): 7 fics

fluff: 6 fics

untagged: 5 fics

angst (but it’s weak angst by my standards, ‘minor conflict’ or ‘morose pining’ would probably be a better tag, LOL): 4 fics

double tagged (fluff/smut, smut/pwp x2, angst/smut): 4 fics

porn without plot: 2 fics

alternate universe: 1 fic

Let’s look at dreamwidth first. It has a lot of tags, which is excellent for my purposes! I haven’t included all of them; I limited myself to the top 7, an arbitrary number just cuz.

alternate universe: 428 uses

humour: 317 uses

fluff: 159 uses

gen: 150 uses

dribble/drouble/drabble: 144 uses

established relationship: 138 uses

angst: 111 uses

I suspect we’re looking at the same issue we had when examining the ratings (where people in the past have tagged their fic with the pairing but nothing else). I also suspect AU leads the pack because there’s no corresponding ‘not AU’ tag, but in all honesty I’m surprised by those numbers. Keep in mind, though, I don’t really read AU fic and don’t tend to write it (with one exception) so of course that would surprise me LOL. Humour is kinda a given with these boys, and I’m not surprised fluff is up there either. Now onto ao3!

ao3 - Top Gear (UK) RPF

Fluff: 317 uses

Established Relationship: 226 uses

RPF: 174 uses

Angst: 163 uses

Hurt/Comfort: 157 uses

Slash: 134 uses

Episode Related: 126 uses

ao3 - The Grand Tour (TV) RPF is quite similar with one amusing tag added:

Fluff: 133 uses

Established Relationship: 83 uses

Hurt/Comfort: 83 uses

Angst: 60 uses

Friendship: 46 uses

Not Beta Read: 44 uses

RPF: 39 uses

The addition of ‘Not Beta Read’ made me lol because I can identify with it a lot, but I didn’t expect it to show up in the tags! Hey, if anyone needs a beta, let me know—I love doing that shit. :D

But let’s not get bogged down with ‘oo didn’t beta ‘oo, I find the fact that RPF is on both lists to be interesting because I’ve never bothered tagging for RPF (especially as it’s already in the fandom tag). I guess it’s polite to, I just hadn’t thought of doing it! Otherwise, unlike dreamwidth, the denizens of ao3 largely seem to shun AUs (it does not appear on the list of tags at all for Top Gear (UK) RPF, and appears last in the list for The Grand Tour (TV) RPF), but we can see that fluff is right up there just like in the comm.

Conclusions

I found it interesting how the tastes of the fandom mirrored or differed to my own when it came to my writing. I found the pairing breakdowns especially fascinating with how they seem to have changed over time!

More personally, looking at my back catalogue, I truly think that anything written pre-2017 (published before of sunlight and smoke; I had my fics on a pseud of one of my kpop accounts before I deleted them all and reuploaded them on my current ao3 account which is why the dates are all a bit shonky) is a bit shit. The titles are meh, the descriptions all end in ellipses, and I just don’t think the writing is all that good.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing egregiously wrong with them. They’re just not particularly memorable; they don’t have strong plots or story beats and most were written as prompt fills. There is NOTHING wrong with prompt fills—I still love writing prompt fills—but a lot were written to fulfill a purpose (fill the prompt) and as such I didn’t have complete creative control and didn’t desire to expand on them any more than I had to. And I’m not saying my most recent works have groundbreaking premises either, but at least I can read through them and not cringe, LOL!

Anyway, if you’ve read this far, feel free to expand upon these stats yourself! I’d love to see how your writing compares, or see your own hypotheses about why the pairings have shifted so much in popularity over time!

[riddleredcoats]

Do you think it's okay to return to Harry Potter once JK Rowling is (hopefully soon) dead? I've distanced myself from the series because of her but unfortunately I've attachment issues and keep hoping that at least I can return when she's no longer harming actual people. Btw I adore your Dragon Age fics.

First of all, thank you for reading my fics! It's such a niche subject in DA that I didn't think I'd get any readers much less the amount it seems to generate. I am glad you like them! 😊

Second of all, and I say this with all the love I have for a stranger on the internet, which is not insignificant, don't let people on the internet tell you what to do; not me, not anyone else, though I am somewhat strangely flattered that you thought to ask, lmao.

Seriously now, inform yourself, absolutely, but ultimately it is up to you to judge what you want to do and if any potential harm that it will cause is worth it. 

If you are asking me personally what I am going to do? I won't deny that every time that HP is mentioned it hurts me a lil bit - I mean, I wrote fanfic for this series, ones that I am slightly embarrassed about if only because I was such a new writer, but I did - and it had an impact in my life beyond just fandom as it helped me connect with people even when I was awkwardly shy. So, yeah, I get it. 

But, personally, I will not be buying and/or reading anything wrt Harry Potter again. The whole thing left a bitter taste in my mouth that has tainted the whole series for me, even looking at the books on my bookshelf makes me wince now; maybe if that didn't happen, when she died I would return to the books, but as it is, I doubt it. I admit to a morbid curiosity as to what the plot of the game is, as I cannot believe that the writers of the game would be unaware of all the controversy (even back when they started production of the game) surrounding goblins and would make a game revolving around that... So, I will probably read a review or two, just to see what it is all about, but I will promptly (try to) forget about it. I admit that I considered getting the game through... uh, some other means, but it would just hurt me more, so I decided against it in the end.

Ultimately, do I believe that the most she can do is while she is alive? Yes. Do I think that when she eventually fades away (either by death, by letting go of the rights (which is never going to happen, lmao) or some other way) there is an argument to go back to HP? Perhaps, I am not exactly fluent in these types of things, so I would recommend someone with a better insight of 1. The Industry and 2. The Major Issues At Large (transphobia and antisemitism) and 3. What is left of her Estate when she dies and what it will do, if you want an informed opinion.

Anyway, anon, most of all I am sorry that JKR  is a horrible TERF who appears to be revelling in the hate she gets and the harm she does, and I am sorry that you feel comforted by something you cannot really enjoy anymore. 

[niniane17]

So apparently a HP series has been confirmed.

No, I'm not planning to watch it, and I realize that this is the least of Rowling's issues, but I really need to rant. I'm angry at myself that I even have feelings about it, but there is nothing I can do so I might as well scream into the void here.

I thought I didn't care this time, I really did. I thought I had it easy, since I already don't like any of the HP content post 2007, including some really embarrassing content in the interviews and on Pottermore.

But...a new series is something I had wanted for years. I've been angry at the movies since at least the Prisoner of Azkaban came out* Even as a child I could tell there had been a shift after that, that the movies had become something different, not quite like the books I so loved, and it only became worse from there. If you watch all of them in a row, you can tell they grew more and more preoccupied with keeping up with the popular trends, and fitting in with the Hollywood conventions of the time. We all know the famous example, and any (ex) fan can tell you their least favorite (mine is Hermione's perfect hair). It got to the point that Radcliffe acted more like Harry Potter when he was joking around on the set than when he was delivering his lines.

Works like A Very Potter Musical had shown that it was absolutely possible to represent a more flawed version of the characters and people would like them (Hermione especially!).

Up until a few years ago, I was hoping that somebody, perhaps somebody who grew up with the books, would remake them in the next decades, but after the fandom crashed in 2020 I realized that it was better to just enjoy the characters as I pictured them in my head.

But now it's finally happening, and I know it's only happening because Rowling has a grudge and wants to take revenge on Warner Bros, the movies' leading actors and generally all the people who told her or implied that Harry Potter can exist without her. And I also know this will inevitably lead to the "re-evaluation" of the movies and the cast as the DEFINITIVE version of the characters, or even more woke (a take that unfortunately already exists about movie!Hermione, for example), unlike the new cast that will be labeled as "pandering".

(Except Snape. In his case, there will be countless digital ink spilled about how he's not problematic enough, how some scenes in which he was rude abusive to the cast were missing, and wouldn't it be better if he just beat up his students? It was clearly implied in the books, right????) (I also DO NOT WANT to see a new Lily discourse unfold in real time on Twitter. That alone should be a good reason not to do this)

On a purely artistic level, I just don't trust this series to be good, since this is coming from an extremely petty place and Rowling isn't the type of writer that performs well when she's in that mood. Her latest book is an obvious example, but a lot of faults in the later Harry Potter books can be traced back to this. If it goes well, it will be tainted by all the bad things happening around Rowling. If it doesn't, it will be another nail in the coffin of the Harry Potter fandom, which truly doesn't deserve it.

And...well, I'm sad. This is truly something I had wished for, and, if circumstances were different, I'd jump around with joy. But then again, if circumstances were indeed different, there would be no new series at all, since Rowling wouldn't have anything to prove. Still, for somebody who once claimed not to care in the least about her own legacy, this is quite a decision to make. I only wish she truly didn't care, and let the fandom tries to piece it all together, and it's done since 2007.

*which I still condider a bad movie even as "its own thing", I don't care how many homages it pays to German expressionism. Also Peter Lorre didn't need some gross makeup to show he was the bad guy, did he? So why did poor Timothy Spall? It undermines the whole point of evil being undetectable at first and also the great lengths Voldemort went through in his search for power and...ok, sorry, I just don't like this movie very much.

[freakygirlie]

Hi. Itk here. Believe me, don't, doesn't matter. Thought I'd drop (after you summoned ha) by given the chaos and try to enlighten the ones who choose to believe me, as much as I'm capable of.

The first thing I wanna say is: stop trying to figure out their relationship. You most likely never will. Fans are stuck on both extremes, when the actuality of it is far more in the middle (perhaps even up or down and all around ha). It's complex and strange and not at all "normal" (as normal as they could be, anyways).

It's not as simple as "oh they're just a closeted couple who engage in bearding and have kids and behind closed doors they're just a regular, old married couple and a big, happy rainbow family".

Doesn't sound like itk info, believe me, I get that but observing the fandom I'd say it almost is because most fans simply hang on extreme simplistic ideas of what their relationship is.

Second thing I'd like to say and unfortunately seems like it's not at all obvious but: do not believe anything they share publicly. Not saying they're lying compulsively, but they are public figures and they have a lot at stake to just casually drop the actual truth of any given situation.

Just don't. The same salt you have regarding itks, have towards them. It'd do you some good...Believe me. Unless you are involved in the entertainment or political life, you cannot even begin to fathom what it's really like, the level of manipulation, falsehood and well, overall deviation of it. It's quite disturbing tbh. So just always take whatever's said and shown with a good amount of salt. With public people hardly anything is accidental or casual.

I think the most prominent question now is...Why? Why would they do something like that? Regardless if you have the ingenuity to believe the little scene they made or not...Still, the question lingers.

With my level of "in the knowness" I cannot for sure say the real reason, yet from the pieces I've collected so far, seems to be a multiple gain scheme. It was a high risk, they were well aware, and it paid out in the way they were expecting, minus small bumps here and there. But overall it seemed to have worked in their favor. How in the hell, one would ask?

Believe me, I used my best sneaky capabilities to find out exactly why but they were smart enough to keep this one locked tight, minus a few loose lips. And from those all I've heard was that "whatever the purpose was, it worked out".

As weird as it may sound to the innocent mind, it's actually not at all, given that even leaked nudes are not at all leaked or accidental, and those tend to (at least in the past) get immense amount of backlash. It's not the first time famous folks fake a fight, surely won't be the last.

A lot goes into public image, it's not black and white as "well but it looked bad on Jensen", "it looked bad on the prequel", etc. You'd be surprised as how little this truly matters given the level of manipulation they are able to pull on the public. And well, even with them...It happens all the time. Both made mistakes far worse than just "not telling my bestie about my new project" and fans would eventually let that go and put them back on the pedestal.

So just remember, always: not in the industry? then don't judge anything because you simply do not understand how it works.

Another piece of itk information I can give besides "this was planned and it worked" is: they are fine. From what I've heard they are not fighting over it or going through anything more dramatic than what they usually have been going through ever since they met haha.

So just sit back and chill out. Breathe, read fanfiction and remember that we will never truly get answers, because even what comes out of their mouths are most of the time carefully thought out and directed to have a specific meaning and effect (why do you think Jared mumbles and rambles so much?).

Another interesting piece of itk: you know how they always say they never fight? Even though that sounds insanely hard to believe even if they were just friends because who knows someone for that long and is constantly together and never fights? Unlikely, right? Yes, as obvious as that was. But unfortunately a lot of you seem to believe that, given the level of shock you had for this little twitter feud (as fake as it was). Yeah. They fight. A lot.

They fight as much as individuals in their situation would. Like I said, not at all what most people absentmindedly seem to think it is. They go through a lot. Way more than anyone who isn't in a similar situation would understand. It's messy, although they try their best to make it simpler in the ways they can.

On top of being in a very complex situation, they both have strong personalities and one of them is quite hard to "pin down". So altercations happen a lot, but they know how to deal, and they are exceptionally good at making sure that doesn't interfere in their work (oh well, at least not any work that doesn't benefit from intense emotional exchanges, anyways 😉...chemistry isn't something random, you know? haha).

I find it quite...interesting (to put it nicely) that a lot of hats easily believe they are a couple that lies constantly about almost every aspect of their lives, yet, they cannot believe they would fake a social media narrative. It makes no sense whatsoever.

It'd do you all good to be a little less tendentious and look at them as, you know...Humans? They are not what they seem to be, just as you guys also take in different versions of yourselves in different situations, they do too. And don't be so hopelessly naive to actually believe they see fans as "hashtag family". This is their work. And as grateful as they are for supporters, they certainly do not consider them family. To the point of never lying and trusting you with their life.

I'm sure they love their fans, but come on, saying they would never lie because that's mean to fans is just beyond naive. They've been doing it all along and oh, another interesting info? They don't think they're doing anything wrong.

Yeah, sounds weird, you'd think they'd feel guilty. But again, unless you were media trained, you'd never get it.

From years now if there's one consistent info I've gotten was this: they don't feel obligated to tell you anything. They believe they are doing "what they are supposed to do, the right thing for everyone involved".

So. Yeah. And hell, they are right about not being obligated to say anything about anything, I guess.

Well, I hope that was helpful or at least entertaining. It's hard to share info without accidentally making it obvious who I am for the lurkers (sure you guys were well aware that they lurk around the fandom). But it's safe because as long as I don't provide evidence, I'm fine. Just walking a thin line between sharing and not sharing something too specific that would be easy fir them to know who has that info and although they can't do anything against itks, they can manage to cut us off somehow and I enjoy having access lol, so that'd be a bummer.

Anyways, take itks and J2 themselves with a ton of salt haha! You are lovely, btw, you seem very kind and I enjoy your blog very much! much love!

itk anon everything you said was <333 and i agree with like almost all of it. very nice analysis and ask thank you ! i don't always believe everything j2 put out but the whole stunt being a false narrative just seems wrong so idk what to make of it. regardless i myself can sometimes get carried away in my star-struck love of j2. and i am a tinhat so well :) and now they look to be really good and taking a break from here was well worth it <3

''You are lovely, btw, you seem very kind and I enjoy your blog very much! much love!'' i love u so much hope u have a great day !

[amethystina]

Excerpt from Gravitational Pull

Everyone is being so disorientingly kind to me today that I don’t know what to do with myself. Like, you people in the Devil Judge fandom? You blow me away. Truly. I cannot stress this enough — you are wonderful and I don’t know how to respond to all the love you shower me with.

Especially @nuttypeachpirate. You know what you did, you crazy, wonderful person you. I can’t decide whether to yell at you or hug you.

Anyway. I wanted to give you all something in return, but, as I’ve mentioned, chapter 22 is being difficult right now. So here’s an excerpt from my not-yet-published fic Gravitational Pull instead. It’s set during episode 13 in a “what if” scenario where Ga On actually finds out about Yo Han getting shot (though at this point he only knows that Yo Han is injured, not the specifics). Enjoy!

---

Ga On closed his eyes and let out a slow, slightly trembling exhale. He just wanted to find out how Yo Han was doing, then he could leave again. He wasn't going to linger — Yo Han might not even want him to, after Ga On had chosen Soo Hyun over Yo Han's violent crusade.

Ga On would leave as soon as he knew that Yo Han was okay.

That decided, Ga On raised his hand and knocked on the door. Had the situation been any different, he might have waited for Yo Han to open it himself — or at least give an answer of some sort — but, according to Elijah, Yo Han had orders to remain in bed. He shouldn't be forced to get up and answer the door. Best case scenario, Yo Han might even be asleep, allowing his body the rest it no doubt needed after whatever injury he'd sustained.

Knowing this, Ga On only waited a couple of beats before pushing open the door, taking extra care to be quiet in case Yo Han was sleeping. What Ga On hadn't expected was to find Yo Han sitting on the edge of his bed wearing one of his black robes, hands braced on either side of him and gaze fixed on the floor. The sight caused an immediate flare of concern — exasperation, even — since Yo Han definitely shouldn't be sitting up right now.

Before he even realized what he'd done, Ga On had taken a step inside the room.

"Chief, what are—"

Ga On froze in his tracks when Yo Han's gaze flicked up to meet his. Yo Han hadn't moved in any other way, but Ga On still felt a sharp jolt of genuine fear shoot down his spine. The look in Yo Han's eyes was chilling, dark and dangerous — vicious — in a way that warned some primal, instinctual part of Ga On to turn and run, before it was too late.

The unspoken threat was enough to cause a sudden surge of adrenaline.

But, just as Ga On was about to follow his instinct to run, Yo Han's expression shifted — turning nonchalant, almost bored. It happened so suddenly, between one blink and the next, that Ga On almost thought he'd imagined those tense, terrifying seconds. The only thing that convinced him he hadn't was the fact that his heart was racing in his chest, spurred on by the still-lingering fear.

Ga On had no idea what might have caused that look, but he knew Yo Han well enough to recognize that he probably hadn't been the intended target. Perhaps it was aimed at Jung Sun Ah — who had dared to approach Elijah while Yo Han wasn't present — or maybe it was simply remaining vigilance from whatever situation had caused Yo Han’s injury. Either way, Ga On didn't hold it against him.

Ga On swallowed, intending to break the slightly awkward silence that had settled over the room, but Yo Han beat him to it.

"Judge Kim, what brings you here?"

[stormiepassions]

Open Letter to the Good Omens Fandom

Fellow Good Omens Fans,

The past few weeks, maybe even a month or longer really, things have been tense. There is a lot of drama going on within the fandom and I thought it was time for me to say something. 

What on the Almighty’s green earth is happening here?

When I first found the Fandom, it was after I saw Good Omens on Amazon Prime. I saw an Angel and a Demon completely mess everything up (”Just imagine how awful it might have been if we'd been at all competent.”) but still save the world from Armageddon. I saw an Angel and Demon who were friends, even if their respected sides were not and I saw them love one another (”To the World”). I also a kid deciding that his life, family, and friends were more important than power. I saw a witch who decided to break free from her familial expectations and burn the second book of prophecies. I fell in love with all of them and I found the most amazing group of people who loved this tale too, everyone was open and loving and welcoming writers and artists and readers and musicians... Queer friendly and cheered one another on. It was awesome. 

I slowly became brave myself and decided to take a stab at writing fan fiction and frankly reading that story now make my eyes hurt, it was bad. But again, there were cheerleaders out there who rooted for my writing and I have never felt so much support in my life. 

Then, things started to change. I think I was subconsciously effected by the shift because I stopped spending a lot of time in the Facebook groups and I never really got into Twitter until recently. My favorite writers and artists were no longer active in the groups. One of the most supportive writers (and beta) was kicked out of a group. Writers who weren’t the Select Few were getting less and less readers and support. Artists who also weren’t the Select Few were getting less support and love. Whispers started about bullying and blacklisting writers.

 Now I am, as someone who loves Good Omens and these characters, is stressed about everything that has been happening. It is difficult to write when you hear about “Two Pies” and if you’re going to be next in someone saying you’re copying them. It’s horrible to see this amazing group of artists and writers fight for Power... The Select Few can destroy a new, inexperienced writer or artist; just the fact that they only interact with one another’s fics and art creates a line of Us and them. Gatekeeping is a term that I just recently learned but it fits the bill on what is happening within the Fandom.

It hurts my heart. 

The only person who should have any say within this Fandom is Neil Gaiman. (Terry is no longer with us but if he were, he too would be right next to Neil) Us writers and artists should be grateful that Neil likes that we create. We could love a tale that the Original Writer would try to shut us down for creating fan fiction but instead we have the lovely Mr. Gaiman. If you want to be technical, we’re stealing from him his characters to tell stories that we want to tell and put them into situations that, perhaps, Neil wouldn’t want them in. But he lets us and supports us. 

I don’t want to walk away from this Fandom. It has helped me make it through my own issues with Depression and ADHD, survive Covid, stay a float when things got hard. I have made a few friends that I can’t imagine not talking to on a regular bases because of this Fandom. It gets so hard with the power struggles and the cattiness and watching people want to stay on top just as much as they want to keep people down. 

It hurts my head.

I plan to continue to write, at least my most recent WIP and I plan to continue to read whoever’s fics and look at whoever’s art. I enjoy them, kudos them, might write a comment if I have time and then read some more. But something has to give, this Fandom is going to destroy itself because of people sense of Self importance. We should love and support one another. Enjoy the gift that we have in Good Omens and Neil. The Select Few are not Gatekeepers if we don’t let them be Gatekeepers. 

Everything Hurts.

Lets build each other up. No one else will do it for us. 

Much love to you all.

Stormie

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: July 10th

I really let asks get away from me lately. I was super focused on working on that Patreon Moment. With that done I can finally think about doing other things, so here’s a new collection of answers!

Thank you for sending in questions everyone ^^.

For the new Patreon moment, will you be able to reference it in step 4? Or just like a tiny nod to it if you pick certain choices?

There won’t be. I’m sorry if you were hoping for that! The Patreon moment is meant to be entirely optional, it’s not something that gets you extra content in the main game.

Is the new CG artist the main one now? :0 I’ve noticed theres been a difference in the art style recently. Is the old CG artist still going to make art for the game? :0

The original artist still makes CGs for the game sometimes, but he mainly focuses on character sprites.

Are you going to put the NSFW our life moment on a website other than patreon? I would love to get it but I can't use patreon atm.

I don’t know. I'm afraid we can't release the Patreon Moment on a normal game storefront because we can't mix 18+ content with our family friendly game. If there's some other place similar to Patreon where it's not the normal type of full-scale public content releases we'd consider using that, but I’m not sure if there is another site that’s better than Patreon in that regard. I'm sorry.

Out of curiosity, in all of your games so far, which characters in each were the most fun to write? They obviously don't have to be your favorite characters!

Buffalo Seer in AFA, really everyone in XOD/XOBD is pretty equally entertaining to write, The Guide in LoV, and Cove in OL!

idk if you accept "personal" questions, but is there anything you've been watching/ listening to lately

Mostly, I’ve been watching/listening to Authortube videos as of late! It’s people who talk generally about the process of how books become traditionally published and/or share their own experience as they attempt to be published. I don’t have an interest in writing normal text based books, but it’s really interesting to hear about that world. I’m listening to a video about royalties right now as I answer these asks.

Will one of the desserts we get to pick be fudge? That'd be such a cute reference! 

Haha, yeah, it should. Unless I completely blank on it and forget when trying to include the various referential food options.

I don't know if this has been asked previously but what would be the approximate heights for the presets MC can choose from Step 2 ~ 4? Are there any measurement you had in mind? Sorry if I didn't make myself clear kk I've been struggling with my English lately 💀 

I don’t know, ahah. I didn’t have any numbers in mind for that. So it’s whatever you imagine it is!

I noticed a bug with the Patreon moment when it comes to what your character wears. When Jamie and Cove are kissing while my character only had dresses selected, I had both the option to remove the dress or to remove the shirt... Picking one of the options to interact with Cove, after he removed his shirt, it had Jamie remove their shirt followed by ther pants despite only having dresses picked. 

Thank you for reporting ^^

I keep refreshing steam to see when the new doc for xobd will be released. I noticed you haven't posted anything about it in quite some time. Would it be possible to ask about a timeline/potential date? (If it's even this year—) I know you and your team are probably working super hard, I'm just super curious! ~Thank you!~ 

There are more stories done, I just haven’t gotten around to publicly releasing them. Hopefully I will have a chance to spend the time on that sooner rather than later!

hello!! i’m not sure if it’s an update but i’ve just replayed our life and at the end i can’t propose to cove anymore? :(( i’ve actually tried playing twice but the options are not there anymore, did you guys remove the options? i’m sorry if you’ve answered this before!! thank you and have a good one :) 

I’m afraid things haven’t been changed or removed, so I think you might’ve accidentally picked the wrong things somewhere along the way and locked yourself out of being able to propose by mistake. Sometimes you meant to say you want to get married but instead you mis-click and have it so the MC isn’t thinking about marriage or something. All I can suggest is starting from the beginning of Step 3 and making sure to follow the steps listed in the FAQ. I’m sorry for that.

Did yall remove some of the options for when youre making out with Cove in the charity moment? I could've sworn you could grab his bonkadonk and its not there anymore 

This is the same situation as the above. We didn’t remove things and you’re not wrong that there are sometimes those options. But there are various choices you have to make to get those options and it sounds like you accidentally missed something. If your relationship isn’t long-term, you can’t do it for example.

HI IM SO EXCITED I CAN FINALLY GET THE STEP 3 DLC 

Thank you for getting it!

Is Shiloh super totally straight bc I’m very gay and a huge Shiloh fan, would my man make an exception?😩

Sadly, he is one of our super straight characters. I’m sorry.

Hi, I have a very dumb question. In Step 2 does Cove not wanna share his drink with us at the mall (or rather why he stops drinking it) because it's an indirect kiss? Or is it like ...weird to him to share? Because if I remember right he eats off our spoon in the birthday scene right? 

Yeah, he’s awkward about it because he likes the MC and it feels very personal to share a straw with his crush.

Hi! If you don't mind me asking, who is the artist for OL2? Their style is so pretty! 

Thank you for saying so! This is her Twitter- https://twitter.com/redridingheart

Do Beginnings & Always and Now & Forever exist in the same universe? 

Yep! XOXO Droplets also exists in the same universe. It’s one big GB Patch world, haha.

Do Pran's parents regret the way they raised him? Do they feel ashamed of it?

No. They’re the type of people best cut out because they’re not gonna change. Which is why Pran does go very limited contact when he’s an adult.

Hi! I just wrapped up my second playthrough of Our Life, and I absolutely adore it, but I had a question. I went to the gallery and found I was missing 2 CGS (specifically Step 1-3 and 2-3) and I had no clue where they would've shown up. Which moments are those found in? 

You get it by telling Cove about his dad offering you money to be his friend in Step 1 and Step 2. You can’t get both in one playthrough, since you can only tell Cove the truth once. I’m really glad you liked it!

Hi hi! Please, how tall is Baxter and Derek? Love the game so much and I can't wait to see more! 

I don’t know, aha. I think Baxter was around 5′10 and Derek was like 5′8/5′9, maybe. I really am not one who has specific heights for things in mind.

is adult cove a bottom, top, or switch? 

A switch, though would choose the top if he had to pick.

I was wondering if there is a way to transfer save data? Even if through the game files. I wanted to be able to transfer my save data from my desktop over to my laptop so that I could continue playing right where I left off from but I'm not entirely sure how to go about that. 

If you save the save folder/persistent data of the game from your desktop and put it into the game folder on your other device, that could work.

Hi! Is it possible for us to know the date when our life: now and forever comes out on steam? Sorry if you've mentioned it before but I haven't seen it and I'm looking foward to that happening and just wanted to know :) 

It’s gonna be a long time, I’m afraid. There’s no estimate right now.

I started playing Our Life with my sister a while ago, and I think you guys should know that we discovered your secret. >:)

L from death note and Cove are clearly the same person, and this whole game is just an origin story!!

I’ve never seen that show so I’m sorry to say I don’t understand the connection/reference you’re trying to make. I’m pretty out of the loop when it comes to media. I don’t watch movies or TV.

Will OL2 have options for disabled MCs?

I understand if it's too complicated, just curious

Unfortunately, it’s not really something we have a plan for. We couldn’t finish the game if we tried to include every disability and have it be meaningful. It’d just be too much content to create. But if we decide to only include a few, how would we choose which disabilities get to be represented and which are left out? I don’t know. It’ll probably have to be something we don’t include as an option again, sadly. I’m sorry.

playing our life > anything else 

Haha, I’m glad you’re enjoying it.

Honestly, I would like to thank Our Life for helping me come to terms with my sexuality. Before, I never would've actually thought that it was possible to like boys romantically and still be asexual. Almost all of the BL visual novels I've read had unskippable sexual content in them and it honestly just didn't click with what I feel. I'm glad I found Our Life. I love the game, the developers, and this fandom so much. Now, I can safely come out as homoromantic AND asexual (at least anonymously here anyway; my parents are still huge homophobes 😂). 

Aw, it’s great to hear you felt comfortable being yourself in the game! That’s wonderful. I’m really sorry about your parents, though.

Will the demo for OL2 be on android? Really not sure if I could wait any longer than I have to aha 

Yeah, it’ll be available for Android once we eventually release a demo!

Do all these reveals perhaps mean development is progressing ahead of schedule? Please let that be the case I'm already obsessed with Qiu 

No, sorry, aha. Art comes along much faster than script/programming-work for us. It’s gonna be a long time before the game is a finished thing you can actually play. But at least we can look at the beautiful images.

Hey! First of all I wanna say I reallllllyyyyy loooovvveeee Our Life and XOXO Droplets! I have over 300 hours of playtime on Our Life… Anyways, I was just wondering, are the Derek and Baxter DLCs going to come out at the same time? If not, which one do you plan to release first? :3 

They will come out separately and Derek will be first! Glad you like the game.

I keep replaying Our Life to get every possible iteration and I am loving it <3 I was wondering if Cove gets locked out of his confession because MC was talking to Lee, would it be possible to confess to him in step 4? 

Yeah, you can avoid the confession in Step 3 and then get it in Step 4.

Hi, my Cove wears bracelets through step 2 and 3 but I still don't get an option to give him a bracelet? I didn't even know that was possible until I seen someone else ask about it lol 

Hm, did you use the Cove creator? Maybe there’s a bug where using the creator to add bracelets doesn’t fulfill the requirement to give Cove a bracelet in Step 3.

Wait, I'm dense, when does Baxter appear in step 2? Is it from big park firework? I feel so bad since i really love Baxter and waiting to buy his dlc. 

It’s in the Soiree Moment. You have to be just friends with Cove, indifferent, or crushing but not ask Cove to the dance at all. Then while there you can find someone new to dance with. But if you bring Cove to the dance while crushing, the MC won’t wanna dance with anyone else so you can’t get the scene.

In step 2 when we go to the soiree I made my mc go alone and baxter chooses the mc to dance, i'm curious, why did he pick the mc? sorry if this has been asked before! 

Because the MC looked to be around his age, seemed to also be searching for a partner, and had nice legs. A perfect option for him.

I read some of the FAQs, and I saw that we could tell Baxter about the condo that he rented there was previously the mean old grandparents. how do we get the mc to tell him that? 

It happens in the DLC Moment “Late Shift”. If you don’t have a job you instead get a longer scene with Baxter.

I don’t know if you’ve addressed this or not, but are you planning on paying voice actors for our life: now and forever? 

Yeah, we pay our VAs in all our projects.

hey can i ask how you did the moments thing in ol? im trying to get into making visual novels and while im VERY sure its out of my comfort zone and all that atm i kinda wanna know just for the future, bc im p sure it would work well for something i wanna do :O but its also fine if you cant say for other reasons :> 

I’m afraid I’m not sure what you mean. Are you asking how we programmed the screen or something script related? Adding Moments like that is pretty straightforward, though. You just have buttons that open to different labels and then the scripts are essentially individual short stories/vignettes. Good luck with your VN!

Since Autumn becomes gender fluid later in the game, will there be a character who remains as he/him to romance in game? 

OL1 has the he/him LIs, OL2 is all about other genders.

I don't want to impose on your creative plans, but a parrot could possibly make a good pet in an OL-type game? They're pretty long-lived and likely to still be thriving by the end even if the MC got them back in step 1. 

I do appreciate the suggestion, but I’m afraid it’s not likely going to happen. I understand there are technically some animals that could theoretically live long enough to last the whole game that or we could have the MC only get a pet after some years have already passed. But the many things that would have to be considered/accommodated for makes it just something we probably can’t manage adding. I’m sorry.

As time passes will we be able to see Qiu and Tamarack's other stage arts as well?

They are both so cute i can't wait to be friends with them!

Yeah, we’ll show content from other Steps in the future. It’ll be a little while from now, though.

Can you date Cove and still have your family comfort you in the car?

You can’t get Cove’s Step 3 confession scene if you have the family comfort you in the car. But that’s not the only way to date him. You can get together with him earlier in the game or later on in Step 4.

Is Mc always going to be the one walking down the aisle or could Cove do it? Also could you choose to have one of your moms walk you? 

No. Cove wouldn’t want to walk down the aisle like that and the MC automatically respects that. And the MC also gets to have their preferences respected, so it’s up to you whether they want to do an aisle walk or not. You also can pick who, if anyone, walks with you.

Once step 4 is out, will you be able to go the whole game on crush/love without either of you confessing? 

Yes, as long as you tell the game you don’t want to progress the relationship. Even in Step 4 it won’t force you to officially get together.

Howdy, so in Step 4, there will be any Romance with Derek that is not part of any dlc? 

He’s only a friend unless you get his romance story.

Will the step 4 in OL2 be one big step or are you considering moments? 

Step 4 is just an epilogue in both games.

hi kind of a weird question but!! we know tht cliff doesn't start dating again but. wht abt flings? like does he ever do 1 night stands or anything? thank u!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Nope. Cliff has a very small interest in sex. If he’s not in a real relationship with a partner he’s crazy about it simply isn’t something he feels a need for, so one night stands wouldn’t even cross his mind.

sorry if you've already answered this, but i was wondering if there were plans for there to be bonus love interests in OL2 like how we have derek and baxter in OL1.

Maybe! There are side characters who could be given romance stories, but whether or not it will happen depends on funding and how long everything else takes to finish.

I don't know if i'm allowed to ask about ol2 here yet, if not u can ignore this or answer it later. My question is can you date one of them and be good friends with the other? I don't want to be strangers with the other bcs i love them both a lot :<

Yes you can!

what patreon level do i have to be to unlock the nsfw moment? im on the $5 one right now, will that give me access to the moment, or just access to the moment progress? 

That’ll give you access! Tier 2 and anything higher allows the player to download it.

[sketching-shark]

Monkie kid fandom: o well macaques a morally grey character he’s got a traumatic past and Sun Wukongs so mean and evil for leaving him

Reality: Macaque is literally ment to the representative of Sun Wukongs EVIL side and having a “traumatic past” doesn’t justify literally trying to kill people who had nothing to do with it he also traumatised Mk because he can and because he’s connected to Sun Wukong. Sun Wukong choose to change his ways macaque just decided “you no what am going to kill this monk because he’s connected to somebody who left me.” I don’t understand how people try so hard to Villainise Sun Wukong when’s he’s literally ment to be one of the first ever superheroes. 

Haha oh geez that is how it often feels.

Like at this point there does seem to be something of an effort to make Sun Wukong look bad in order to absolve Macaque of a lot of wrong-doing...But as you mentioned, besides it being the case that the Six-Eared Macaque was originally made to function as a representative and/or living embodiment of Sun Wukong's anger and violent tendencies (hence why Sun Wukong's a lot less prone to sudden acts of violence after he kills the six-eared simian in JTTW), given all the murder attempts and manipulation and literal acts of kidnapping/brainwashing/mind control he's committed in the lego monkey show, personally I feel like the dude is pretty much as viciously jealous & as willing to throw people under the bus to achieve his aims as he is in Journey to the West.

Like I know that Monkie Kid diverges from JTTW in a number of ways (a big change being that Sun Wukong had beat up a lot of demons instead of smashing them into meat patties lol), but one of the things that does feel like it's being lost in translation, as it were, is that the Six Ear Macaque was a villain not just because he beat up the Tang Monk, but because he wanted to take over Sun Wukong's entire life and identity so he could have all that glory and prestige for himself. To quote the macaque himself from the Anthony C. Yu translation, "I struck the T'ang monk and I took the luggage...precisely because I want to go to the West all by myself to ask Buddha for the scriptures. When I deliver them to the Land of the East, it will be my success and no one else's. Those people of the South Jambudvipa Continent will honor me then as their patriarch and my fame will last for all posterity." And in order to do this, the Six Eared Macaque had apparently made Sun Wukong's "little ones," his monkey family, his captives through either trickery or force, and gotten a number of them to take on the appearance of Tang Sanzang and the other pilgrims. It's also made clear that in direct contrast to Sun Wukong he doesn't care about these monkeys beyond how they might serve him, given that after Sha Wujing kills the monkey posing as him the Six Eared Macaque not only all but immediately replaces him with another, but also "told his little ones to have the dead monkey skinned. Then his meat was taken to be fried and served as food along with coconut and grape wines." So this monkey is not only willing to risk the lives of a lot of other monkeys for his own benefit, but is also a literal cannibal.

In Monkie Kid (at least according to Macaque, who is an unreliable narrator at best), he had been best of friends with Sun Wukong before Sun Wukong presumably went off to live in Heaven & abandoned all of his friends on Earth. And it is true that in Journey to the West, Sun Wukong had spent over a century of earthly years in heaven just enjoying himself before he gets into trouble by ruining the Immortal Peach Banquet and heading back down to his yaoguai kingdom. So in that regard, Macaque does have justification to hate Sun Wukong for having brought heaven's army to their mountain (of course you could say that starting a war over one banquet is a bit of an overreaction but that's a conversation for another day). What this does omit, however, is that the main reason Sun Wukong went to heaven in the first place is to see if he could get all of his monkeys to live up there, that he had spent centuries fortifying Flower Fruit Mountain from any and all threats beforehand, and that he brings back a bounty of immortality-granting wine, which all the monkeys eagerly drink. And perhaps most importantly, in the following war with heaven itself all of the assembled yaoguai were behind Sun Wukong 100%. He had already done so much for them, and they had already heard about how their great king was made to serve as a stable hand in heaven, and so got some sense of how little the heavens thought of them. This isn't to say that the Six Eared Macaque doesn't have reason to be mad at Sun Wukong or that the Monkey King doesn't share a lot of the blame for the events that led to the burning of Flower Fruit Mountain, but rather to say that all the assembled yaoguai weren't dragged into this war kicking and screaming. They seem to have regarded it as much as a power struggle with great potential rewards and which they could win as much as Sun Wukong did.

But going back to this version of the Six Eared Macaque, I find him interesting because I read him not as morally grey but rather as this frightening, somewhat tragic figure who's jealously of and resentment against Sun Wukong seems to have festered and grown to the point where it's become the sole defining feature of his life; like he's just gone from wanting to literally be Sun Wukong to wanting revenge against the Monkey King, and in all his centuries of living he hasn't allowed anything else to shape his life. After 500 years of apparently not really doing anything, after Sun Wukong made a reappearance Macaque just seem to be targeting anyone and anything that he thinks will let him hurt Sun Wukong, no matter the cost to others or to himself. It's like he was put into the role of Sun Wukong's doppelganger/shadow/evil clone, and he's now hellbent on staying in that position, no matter how much it hurts him or holds him back from cultivating his own individuality or his own story because that's the only way he feels he gain back his past power and/or stay connected to the Monkey King. There is something really tragic about a character who feels so damaged by and/or is so obsessed with the past that they stay in this stagnant position where they never even attempt to try something different from their destructive and self-damaging behavior, but that's precisely what makes Macaque a good villain as well. Besides being a clever and calculating villain, he never developed a sense of morality like Sun Wukong, he still treats everyone around him like tools, and his self-righteousness gives him "permission" to be a relentless monster to MK, all of MK's loved ones, and Sun Wukong himself. I know it's pretty common in media these days to start a villain down the path of redemption & into the bosom of team good guy by having them be hurt by an even worse villain, but personally I would love to see a story arc where Macaque actually has a realization of how horrible his behavior has been and to feel genuine remorse for it (maybe brought about by the violence he's likely suffering at the hands of the Lady Bone Demon, in a kind of "hey being manipulated and hurt for the benefit of others actually sucks oh no I can't believe I thought it was okay when I did it"), but then also has to face the consequence of his former student and former best friend (actually likely the entire monkie crew given the whole kidnapping/brainwashing/mind-controlling thing) never wanting anything to do with him again & cutting him out of their lives completely. I think he could still change for the better under such a scenario, but the seriousness of his bad actions shouldn't be swept under the rug.

In conclusion, I think a "redemption without forgiveness" story line could work really well for Monkie Kid's version of the Six-Eared Macaque in a kind of "you can't just do horrible things and then cry about your past like that somehow makes it okay" way, and smh at the Monkie Kid fandom for all the work put into giving Sun Wukong and only Sun Wukong flak for his and Macaque's fight.

Like if you have to demonize the Monkey King, at least go after him for having been a warlord.

[spasmsofthought]

rituals. (zuko x water tribe!reader)

+This turned out to be far longer than I anticipated it to be, but I couldn’t get this idea out of my head. I’m sorry if Zuko feels out of character; I tried my best to not make him so. I wrote him in my mind to be older than 16 and with, at least, a year of Fire Lord experience with him. All of the things he says in this fic may not be completely on point, but I hope I made sense of his character in this situation and kept an accurate frame of reference for you to hold onto! 

I’ve been thinking: What would it have been like to marry the Fire Lord if you were an outsider, from another nation/element? And where that question led me is what produced this. 

I tried my best to have accurate research, but if something’s off or wrong, please kindly let me know! I’m not an expert about the fandom here. 

Otherwise, I hope you enjoy this mess of fluffy Fire Lord Zuko and a Water Tribe OC just trying to navigate the way between two different cultures. 

Read Part II here! 

Like, comment, reblog! 

--

“Thank you.” You smile softly as some Fire Palace officials make their way out of the giant, ornate room. Their faces are more stoic, but there is one older man who gives you a slight quirk of his lips before they are back in a thin line. He’s been the only one who has been semi-kind to you. The rest of them have just been rigid and downright insufferable. It takes a few moments before their footsteps recede and you are surrounded by silence. 

It turns out that the Fire Lord asking you to become his wife comes with a lot more than you thought it would. 

And of course, you had never been blind to the fact that Zuko is of royal lineage. His family has passed down the title and office of Fire Lord for generations. The people of the Fire Nation have known this family for over a century. 

The blood definitely feels thicker than water here, though Zuko’s own familial situation may testify against that. 

How naïve of you to think any of this would be simple and easy. Nothing about this past century has been.

You press your head to the solid table beneath you, hand-crafted and polished so that it shines like the stars you remember seeing at night back home. Frustration and stress knit your shoulders together, your arms curling in towards your midsection.  

Deep breath in, the voice of your mother reminds you. You can barely remember her face now, lost to time, but her voice still somehow stays clear. You hope it stays that way for a long time. Now let it go, she says, too. 

If you close your eyes, you can almost picture your little family’s home. The sea squid hanging out to dry so that it can be prepared for supper and her bed disheveled but lined with furs that keep you both warm at night and during the coldest days. It’s probably empty now, a home to no one. 

You exhale, forehead still pressed against the table. You repeat the process a few more times, trying to somehow expel the tightness of your shoulders. The weight stays. Despite whatever you may lose,  being with Zuko is the closest to home you will ever feel now. 

You get up from your seated position at the table and move to a window, looking down at the picturesque landscape of a quiet pond garden. You lean against a pillar supporting the ceiling and try to absorb yourself in the peaceful scenery. You close your eyes and try to listen to the sound of the soft breeze rustling the leaves of the tree. You just want it all to go away for a second.

“Have they exhausted you yet?” A gravelly voice behind you asks. 

You turn to see Zuko standing in the open doorway. He’s dressed in all his formal attire, of course, but he seems to carry his own weight on his shoulders today. 

Idiot, you think, of course he looks stressed and weighed down. He’s trying to re-establish peace among four nations after the 100-year war his ancestor started. 

“Yeah, sure.” You mumble and smile softly. 

The moment doesn’t last long before you turn back to the pond, stomach churning now. The grief and the stress mingle together. You miss home, you miss the weather and wearing your furs. You miss your parents, who have been gone for four years; your father to the war and your mother to sickness. The ache never seems to go away, but it dulls when Zuko is able to be around. 

Zuko makes his way to stand beside you, saying nothing as he directs his gaze also to the peaceful pond, undisturbed by people or the noise of the outside world. 

Despite what you had been told about the Fire Nation your whole life growing up, and what you’d been told about Zuko during the War, you’d always appreciated when he did this. Despite his title and the lineage he carries, he’s always treated you like an equal. You are no less to him because you are female, and you are no less to him because you come from the Water Tribe. 

If it had been a few years ago, you wonder if he would have thought differently. Or perhaps he has always been able to understand honor more than most since he was a child, and that was part of the reason he was the one who was destined to be Fire Lord all along. 

You take in the side profile of his face for a moment, trying to gather the strength you’ve always had inside you.  

“I don’t want to worry you,” You begin, turning back to the view of the pond. 

It’s still and quiet and sounds like a great place to escape to in this present moment. 

“I’ll let you know when I can’t handle it,” His sardonic tone answers back. 

You know he means it as a joke, but there’s a stark truth to his words. He’s handled much more than a trivial conversation about what may be bothering you.

You take a moment to organize your thoughts so that you don’t come across as an emotional train wreck. Zuko has always seemed to have infinite patience with you while you express your emotions, but emotional intelligence is new to him as well. You don’t want to burden him with trying to figure out your emotions while he’s trying to cope with and understand his own. 

“I just... I didn’t know how difficult this would be.” 

“What?” He sounds a bit surprised. 

“Adopting your culture as my own,” Zuko opens his mouth but you stop him before he can even begin. “From a shallow frame of reference, I had always known your culture and your people would be different than mine. And the time I spent traveling back and forth from the Water Tribe to here when I was only your girlfriend gave me some exposure, but I didn’t know. Not really. Most of your people have been so indoctrinated by nationalistic propaganda that our union wouldn’t have really even been conceivable a few years ago.” 

There’s another moment of silence as you take a breath and exhale it. In and out. Zuko doesn’t try to interrupt the moment with platitudes or words of comfort, and that’s another thing you’ve grown to love about him. 

He doesn’t say something he doesn’t mean. It’s not in his nature to do so. 

In allowing each of you to struggle with the weight of your words and emotions, he honors your emotions without dismissing them. Sometimes, it leaves you speechless because the practice is so ingrained in him, there are times he doesn’t even notice he does it. 

“I can adapt. That’s not what I’m worried about. My people are strong because we are so willing to adapt to change, just like the ocean: strong and flexible. I can belong here without losing myself. I just don’t have anything to bring with me. There is no recognition of my culture, and since these meetings have started a few days ago, I get shut down every time I try to bring something into what should be the happiest day of my life.” 

You turn to him also and take a step closer. His expression remains neutral and you can tell it’s going to take some time for him to digest all of this. For a moment, you place your hands on his chest, clothed with the finest robes available in the Fire Nation. 

“When I said yes to your proposal, to the reality of a life with you, I meant it with all of my heart. I still do. But I have nothing tying me to my homeland or the place of my birth like you do here.”

He looks like he has a thousand things to say, but then the words fade away before they even make it out of his mouth. Zuko’s face turns back towards the outside, looking out at the pond as a soft breeze again disturbs the tree by the water. He always gets this look in his eyes when he’s in deep thought. The dilemma is less with him and his position as Fire Lord and more with how to integrate you in his world without making you “fit in” in ways you were never supposed to. 

“If I’ve learned anything over the past few years,” He begins, still standing straight and looking outside. “It’s that nothing in the world is right if there is no balance.” 

He reaches inside his formal robe and pulls out a box. Your brows furrow in confusion, because Zuko is not one to give gifts. 

“I was going to give this to you later, but it seems like the right time now.” He shrugs and hands you the box while a hand goes to rub his neck. 

He always does this when he feels shy or flustered. It’s kind of cute to see the “decisive Fire Lord” act like a teen aged boy. He had rare opportunity to act like one before. 

The box is like a square and a silk ribbon is tied around it. Your fingers work at the knot while you raise your eyebrow at him. You place the ribbon on the windowsill once it’s unraveled and gently pull the lid off the box. It may have looked inexpensive, but you never truly knew in the Fire Nation. 

The thing inside almost takes your breath away. It’s all blue, every single bit of it. 

It’s a betrothal necklace. 

You didn’t even know Zuko knew they existed, let alone what it would have meant in your culture if he gave you one. (Granted, he’s already asked you to marry him, but for the moment you dismiss the thought.) 

It’s true, most marriages are arranged by parents or parental figures in the Water Tribe. Most people at home are not as lucky as you have been to freely choose a partner, whether inside the Tribe or outside of it. Sometimes it seems a more hollowed out gesture when neither party is truly looking to get married for love. But the ones that do always give the necklace its meaning and purpose. 

“I asked Katara for some help,” He began to explain as you stare at the necklace. “I didn’t know what I was doing or where I should go, so she was the one who guided me. She gave me some ideas of what the carving in the stone should represent, but in the end, I came up with the design by myself.” 

Zuko rubs the back of his neck again as you glance between him and the necklace. 

The choker is dark blue as always, but the color gives you some semblance of peace. Blue isn’t a very prominent color displayed in the Fire Nation. Indeed, the stone fastened to the choker has already been carved into. The design is somehow intricate and simple at the same time. It is intimate without being gaudy or overdone. It is all blue and reflective of the culture you grew up in and the one you still carry with you. 

“You carved it yourself?” You whisper, not doubting the answer but still needing to ask it. Zuko just nods and your eyes well up with tears. He doesn’t even know how sacred this necklace is to you in a place where no one else will ever understand its full importance and meaning. 

“Will you put it on for me?” You hand the necklace to him as you also discard the box on the windowsill and turn your back to him. You’re thankful your hair is already tied back (still adorned with various blue beads from your background) as you sweep it to the side so Zuko can clasp the necklace around your neck. 

The weight of it is unfamiliar but grounding. It anchors you to the truth. It reminds you that no matter what marrying Zuko looks like, you carry your culture with you wherever you go. The way you treat others, hold yourself, and what you, hopefully, pass down to your children is far more important than what traditions you do or don’t adhere to in a ceremony. 

“I’ll talk to the officials,” He offers as he clasps the choker together. “You should be able to have all the customs that are important to you when we get married. You have always been my equal, but this time it will be a fact and not just an assumption.” 

You touch the stone with your fingers as you turn back to face him. The tears are already sliding down your cheeks, but you also give him a sweet close-lipped smile. He knows but he doesn’t. And that is what makes him so beautiful. 

You cup his face between your palms and feel him relax a little. Physical affection had never been a priority in his childhood or adolescence, but you can tell he’s starting to understand why you think it’s important to give and receive it. 

“Thank you,” You say, smiling wider. 

You close the distance and bring your mouth towards his. The kiss is steady and soft but also full of unrestrained emotion. Zuko gives you a second one before you both pull apart. He just shakes his head. 

“I think I’m the one who should be thanking you.” He whispers back as he brings you to his chest. 

He is home now, and that is what matters.