#but once again i hate the sun and that keeps me young forever. and the immaturity. also the curse

[guinevereslancelot]

[steps into direct sunlight and bursts into flames like a vampire]

[huntiesworld]

Don’t Delete The Kisses | Chris Sturniolo

Chris Sturniolo x Reader

Summary: Y/n who was a shy girl, learned how much a man can make her feel. 

Warning: Angst? Fluff, 

Requested?: Nope! 

Author's note: That is my work, Please DON’T COPY MY WORK! ( SO PLEASE DON'T HATE!!) 

Y/n’s alarm clock blared loudly, jolting her awake at 4 a.m. She grounded, rubbing her eyes as she tried to wake up from her deep slumber. Despite the early hour, Y/n knew she had a busy day ahead and wanted to get a head start. 

In the quiet darkness of the early morning, Y/n stood in front of her bathroom mirror, the soft light casting a gentle glow on her delicate features. She was a shy and soft-spoken girl, her petite frame adorned in coquette clothes that reflected her feminine style.

I see the signs of a lifetime, you 'til I die

And I'm swiftly out, Irish goodbye

What if it's not meant for me?

Love

What if it's not meant for me?

Love

As the warm water from the shower cascaded over her skin, Y/n took the time to carefully shave every inch of her body, a ritual that made her feel both clean and confident. After crying off, she moved to her skincare routine, applying serums and creams with precision as she admired her reflection in the mirror.

Y/n was wondering why she started doing this, then she remembered that it was all to impress the popular boy in her school.

-Flash back-

One day, Y/n overheard some of the girls in her class talking about Cassie Howard’s $ a.m. morning routine. They all gushed about how amazing Cassie looked every day and how she always seemed to capture everyone’s attention. Y/n decided to give it a try, waking up at 4 a.m. the next morning to start her own beauty routine. 

By the time she finished her morning routine, the sun was just beginning to peek over the horizon, casting a warm glow through her bedroom window. Y/n felt ready to face whatever the day had in store, her self-care rituals serving as a foundation for the confidence and grace she would carry with her throughout the day. 

I'd like to get to know you

I'd like to take you out

We'd go to The Hail Mary

And afterwards make out

Instead, I'm typing you a message

That I know I'll never send

Rewriting old excuses

Delete the kisses at the end

Y/n walked through the hallways of her high school. Feeling invisible as usual. She was used to blending into the background, never drawing attention to herself. But little did she know, someone had been watching her from afar. 

Chris, the popular boy in school, had always noticed Y/n. He admired her quiet confidence and unique style from a distance. He didn't want to make a big show of his interest, so he found subtle ways to catch her eye. 

When I see you, the whole world reduces

To just that room

And then I remember and I'm shy

That gossip's eye will look too soon

And then I'm trapped, overthinking

And yeah, probably self-doubt

You tell me to get over it

And to take you out

One day, Chris purposely dropped his books near Y/n’s locker, giving him the perfect excuse to strike up a conversation. Y/n was taken off guard by his sudden attention, but she couldn't deny the flutter of excitement in her chest.

Y/n looks up from her locker. “Oh, how clumsy?” she said with an annoyed tone. Chris smirks and leaned up against the next locker that was next to Y/n’s. “Just wanted to get your attention.” the young boy said with a small smile.Y/n rolls her eyes and sighs heavily. “Well, you got it. What do you want?” the petite girl said. “How about we go out on a date this weekend?” trying to convince the young girl. Y/n crosses her arms. “I don’t know…I’m pretty bust.” she sighs once again. 

“Come one, it'll be fun! You can't resist my charm forever.” he said while smiling even bigger. The well dressed girl laughs and shakes her head. “You think you're charming?” she says, chuckling

Chris playfully pouts. “Fine, be that way. But I'll keep trying until you say yes.” he says walking away towards class. “We’ll see about that!” Y/n said while looking at him with a smile. 

-Cliff Hanger!!

Comment for part 2!!

[kamisatomay018]

My Saviour: Part 2

Warning: mentions of emotionally abusive parents, a little slow burn, very fluff!

I’m gonna update this series very soon because I hate cliffhangers and I’d hate to leave everyone reading this on a cliffhanger too haha! Enjoy!

The morning sun shone through the windows, indicating the beginning of a new day, and the day your life would be ruined forever, this time by the hands of a stranger. You hadn’t slept all night, simply staring out at the sea while silent tears had rolled down your cheeks. Whatever had you done to deserve such a fate? Perhaps only the electro archon would know.

An hour later you were sitting on a chair, your eyes dull and lifeless while maids fussed around you, fixing your kimono and hair constantly to make sure you looked like “the perfect noble lady”; an order they had received from your parents.

It was safe to say that inazuma had been shocked to hear about a marriage in the Hiragi clan, some even surprised about the fact that you even existed and were being married off at such a young age. The Hiragi estate was decorated with Sakura blooms and all sorts of flowers. After all, your parents had to make a good impression in front of those noblemen.

You looked up at the door opening which snapped you out of your daze, seeing Chisato walk in. You put up a fake smile, bowing to her as she was the heir of the Kanjou Commission and older than you. Although you were cousins, you both weren’t that close. She was a very kind person though, and you had been delighted to know that she had found love in Kujou Kamaji.

“Your parents are calling for you Y/N, it’s time..” you heard the sadness and pity in her voice, she knew this arrange marriage was against your wishes yet she was helpless, she could not change the decision of your parents. You nodded, taking your fan and took one last glance at yourself. In your eyes, you looked unrecognisable, as if a shadow of your own self. Your eyes were full of sorrow, your dimpled smile could not be seen. At long last, your parents had managed to completely snatch every last bit of your happiness away.

Going downstairs, you saw your parents waiting for you. “Finally you have arrived, have you no sense of time? Such important noblemen are coming all the way here for you. Learn to be grateful!” You heard your father’s harsh voice say, making you look down and bow apologetically. “Forgive me father..”

“Forgive you? Never. Now the least you can do is behave properly in front of them, and keep our reputation intact” You nodded silently in response, not having the energy to say anything back.

He scoffed shaking his head and walked away from you with your mother, as you tried to control the tears welling up in your eyes. Soon, all the preparations were done and you were standing beside your parents, hidden behind a screen through which you could see outside, but no once could see you. It had been just 5 minutes and you heard footsteps approaching. Your heartbeat accelerated uncomfortably, as you took a slow deep breath, once again accepting the fact that this is how your life would forever be ruined.

You then saw a tall and extremely handsome man walk inside the house, guided by the guards. He smiled while thanking them, and you felt as if his beauty had trapped you in a trance. His blue hair fell gracefully on his shoulder from one side, his aura was authoritative yet so gentle at the same time. His attire was elegant and suited him perfectly. His posture was immaculate, his walk was confident and dignified. He looked very young, close to your age in fact. You had never seen him, but Oh Archons, what a strikingly handsome man he was. Was he here to seek your hand in marriage? And moreover, just who was he?

“L..lord Kamisato? What brings you here to our humble abode?” Your mother asked, and your heart skipped a beat, although you kept your composure, now feeling thankful for the screen which hid you. Lord Kamisato was here? Had Ayaka forced her brother to save your life? No, he didn’t deserve such a fate, he was only 25 and had never shown any interest in a relationship according to Ayaka. You had so many questions, yet no answers. You kept quiet, watching him talk to your parents.

“Oh Greetings Lady Hiragi. I came to know that your daughter is interested in getting married through the notices you had prepared. As it happens, I would be honoured to court her and make her my wife.” You felt your heart beat louder hearing those words. They seemed…genuine, but how could you be sure? You had never even met each other, so why was the Yashiro Commissioner taking such a step?

“I..oh! Uhm…we weren’t aware you were interested in our daughter Lord Kamisato..” you heard your father say.

“Why is that Sir? Any and every nobleman would be honoured to have your daughter by their side, after all, her reputation exceeds expectations. Forgive me for being so bold, but why do I sense so much hesitation? Am I to understand that..I’m uninvited here?”

Your eyes widened at these words. No one had dared to talk to your parents in such a manner, and you had never seen your parents look so timid and scared in the presence of another noble. But well, he was the Yashiro Commissioner after all. Honestly, seeing the panic settling in your parents’ expressions was way too satisfying to watch.

“No no! Please forgive us Lord Kamisato, we are honoured that you are interested in our daughter!” Your mother covered for her husband hurriedly, making you chuckle silently. It was a blatant lie, they were not happy that he was here. Ayato was just something else, the way he had so respectfully managed to scare your parents left you in awe.

“Ah, that’s a relief to hear. Then when can I have the honour of meeting her?” You heard him say, and you noticed the way his voice softened, almost becoming tender now. “Oh right away Lord Kamisato! Y/N! Come out now!” Ayato had a slight frown after hearing the way your father called you, because he knew well enough that you were right behind the screen as per the traditions, and your father’s tone was harsh and commanding. No worries, very soon he was going to get you out of this prison.

You composed yourself, opening your fan holding it in front of your face as you stepped outside, and finally after all these years, Ayato saw you in real life. He felt his heart beat in happiness as he looked at you; Archons, you were even prettier than the pictures. He had a gentle smile on his face as he looked at you bowing in greeting.

“Greetings Lord Kamisato, I am Hiragi Y/N. it is an honour to have you at our humble estate. I sincerely thank you for taking the effort of coming all the way to Ritou..” You then looked at him, and removed your fan, letting him see your face.

Ayato was awestruck at the beauty he saw in front of him. You were ravishing, your beauty was unlike anyone else’s. Your voice was soft and melodious, and he knew he was already in love with you. He smiled even wider, and to the shock of everyone in the room, he bowed back to you; a gesture noblemen would rarely make towards a woman.

“The pleasure is all mine Lady Hiragi. You are even more beautiful than the words I’ve heard.” You felt yourself blush a little as you looked into his eyes. His eyes were the most beautiful shade of lavender, and you now realised that his clothes matched his eye colour. He was drawing you in already, his presence was magnetic. But you still were reserved, for you had many questions that needed an answer. He then looked at your parents, and once again you noticed the change in the tone of his voice, which now changed from gentle to authoritative.

“I do hope you wouldn’t mind if I could spend some time alone with your daughter, I would like to get to know her more.” Your parents didn’t dare to deny his request, and he then looked at you again, his eyes and voice so gentle for you as he held his arm out in invitation. “Shall we, my lady?” You smiled, placing your hand on his arm gently, instantly feeling this unknown warmth taking over your body. “I would be honoured My lord..”

[ars-matron]

The Tarot Sequence Reread

Nothing has given me brain rot in a long while like the Tarot Sequence by K D Edwards has. And since I just finished reading all the supplemental stuff right when my hold for The Last Sun came back up I thought I would do something I have only done once before-and in a much less flattering way for a book I hated-and live blog my reread.

There's just so much in this series I need to pay closer attention to. And usually I would go on here and read some metas, but there is literally nothing!! The only things in the tags for this series is people wishing there were more people reading it, a handful of very wonderful fanarts, and an account of the decline of a discord that evidently used to exist for it. So, maybe this will encourage some people to read the books too.

Because there are some heavy topics in this series anytime I talk about such topics I will tag for them, but if they don't come up in the chapters I'm reviewing, I won't. So if you have certain things back listed you might not see all my posts on it. Anyone who is reading along and is curious about it can DM me.

NOW! Predictions and things I want to pay attention to under the cut for spoiler reasons.

The Tower. At the end of the prologue of the first book my thoughts were, " So we trust NO ONE!!" Except Queenie, because why would Rune and Brand live with her if she was evil? Then the children showed up and I had to trust them, they were too young to be part of the, whole thing, plus they are so cute. You have to trust them. And then Addam came along, and of course we trust him, he's an Addam, he's a giant dancing teddy bear and I love him! So I read the whole series (that's out so far) expecting we would find out the Tower was an evil guy, that he had had something to do with the fall of the Sun Throne. Honestly by the end of the third book I didn't think that any longer, and I was starting to before that after finding out he was also Qunn's godfather because!!! There is no way Qunn wouldn't have seen if the Tower revealed he had been a part of all that. (I'm still asking myself HOW exactly he or Mayan wouldn't have noticed an astral projection listening device being installed in Rune's room at their freaking tower that is super locked down! But then it happened for two other locations that were supposed to be super warded and protected my other companions too. So maybe it isn't his fault. I do think he might blame himself, I do think that some of his stand-offishness might also be guilt for not being able to stop the attack on the Sun Throne to start with. We will see...) I'm going to go into this read through with the assumption he is just lonely and sad and not a bad guy.

QUEENIE!!!! Because, WHO THE FUCK IS QUEENIE!? I was already suspicious because every time someone asks Rune and Brand where she came from, or how long she's been with them, they say "She's been with us forever." Every time! It reeks of mind fuckery. Then Eidolon and the epilogue that wasn't came along. Current theory is that she is the Empress, and also that she's probably Rune's mother. I would be willing to bet she was the woman at the end of the third book who spoke up to the river after everyone else. Edwards did a good job of making her disappear in the background, but I'm gonna be hunting for every mention of her and how she acts around everyone.

Ciaran, just because I love him and at first also suspected him of evil deeds. But he's just your gay vodka uncle and he loves all his adopted family so much and I just want to keep a closer on him at the start of the series.

Kellum. We only see him once in the second book, but he's mentioned in Eidolon by the Fool (Or Queenie pretending to be the Fool, again I'm not sure, there's Queenie interference for sure) And he was in one of the supplemental novellas. I think he will be making a bigger appearance in the next book.

Quinn's prophecies. I'll probably make a list of those for a separate master post.

Tallas. The Atlantean soul mates. This is a MAJOR spoiler. Rune says that Brand and he formed a talla bond the night of the attack. That it was what brought Brand out of the geas and got them to safety. The bond was gone when he woke up in the hospital and he's spent this whole time thinking he's somehow broken their talla bond. Something definitely happened between him and Addam in the Westlands, and I don't think Addam was wrong in assuming it was the budding of a talla bond. Because something sort of bond-like is also there now after the Hourglass Throne, after he used his bond with Brand to get him and Addam back to their time. My theory here is that they might be each other tallas, all three of them. Together. We know that it doesn't have to be a sexual relationship, though I don't think Addam would mind that one bit. Everything is pointing to the three of them being tied together somehow, and my theory is mostly that, before they were together together, no one talla bond could form and take precedence over the other. Now that they are together all the time, going on missions, living together, they have more opportunities for a bond to fully form and take hold. Assuming it involves all three of them.

And with that, I'm going to go read!

[fullstcp]

"Trustfall" by P!nk Sentence Starters

WHEN I GET THERE

"I think of you when I think about forever."

"I think of you out of the blue when I'm watching a movie that you'd hate."

"You were never one to hesitate."

"You were always first in line, so why would it be different for Heaven?"

"I got a couple questions."

"I know, you'll tell me all about it when I get there."

"Do you think of me?"

"Do you wish that I would slow down?"

TRUSTFALL

"Picture a place where it all doesn't hurt."

"Would that be enough?"

"Are we running out of time?"

"Are we just too scared to fight for what we want tonight?"

"Close your eyes and leave it all behind."

"We'll go where love is on our side."

"We can run into the fire."

"Jump with me."

"What if we just fall?"

"I'm not going without you."

"You're not going alone."

"I fell so far 'til I found you."

"You know what you know when you know."

"You know when you know."

"What if we just fall?"

TURBULENCE

"You and I. Happy ending and a tragedy combined."

"We both can't live without it and we tried."

"We should take our own advice."

"It'll take a little longer to get home."

"All we've got is time."

"The panic is temporary."

"I'll be permanent."

"As scary as it gets, it's just turbulence."

"You can meet me in the corners of your mind."

"We can build a new cloud nine."

"That's enough to drain the life from you sometimes."

"Hold my hand."

"Hold your breath."

"I'll find a place to land."

LONG WAY TO GO

"Who do you love?"

"You don't pick up your phone."

"Are your enemies real in your real life?"

"I could stay up with you all night."

"We got a long way to go."

"You're what I want."

"I'm in a desperate way."

"I think I could stop."

"You never try, you never change."

KIDS IN LOVE

"If you don't fuck up, well, then you'll never learn."

"We used to chase the sun."

"We used to have our fun."

"We were two young fools, oh, kids in love."

"I'm still living there."

"This time I'll make it last."

"Saw you got married."

"You couldn't help me."

"I will never give up."

"I'll keep living in my mind still."

NEVER GONNA NOT DANCE AGAIN

"You could take all that I got."

"For once I wouldn't start a fight."

"Don't try me, really, not tonight."

"We've already wasted enough time."

"I got all good luck and zero fucks."

"I don't care if I belong."

"We're never getting younger, so I'm gonna have some fun."

"You know that I'm starting a fight."

RUNAWAY

"I wanna bathe in the light."

"They're giving us a bad name."

"Being good never felt quite right.'

"I know there's some place better, far away from here."

"We're gold as long as we're together."

"We were born to run away."

"No more looking over my shoulder."

"I'll be right by your side."

LAST CALL

"I wanna stay."

"We're the sun and the moon."

"Do you think I could have this dance?"

"It's all just a game of chance."

"What would I do without you?"

"Let's not go home."

"Let's not die alone."

"It sure was good while it lasted."

"Right now, we're fucking blasted."

HATE ME

"You blame me."

"Don't you love to shame me?"

"I'm the villain you made me."

"I'm not your bitch."

"I'm the perfect bad guy."

LOST CAUSE

"Is it me?"

"I know that you noticed I hate kissing you with my eyes closed."

"I was never taught to trust somebody."

"Is it you?"

"Don't tell me I'm a lost cause."

"You don't wanna see me again."

"I'm a bitch."

"I'm a possessive and jealous love addict, but you're an asshole."

"I'm tired of thinking tragic's romantic."

FEEL SOMETHING

"I usually break the things that I love."

"I carry the weight on my back."

"Wouldn't you think by now I'd be ready?"

"My heart's not ready to love you."

"I'm not ready for this."

"It's only a matter of time before the good starts hurting."

OUR SONG

"Where did we lose our touch?"

"I needed you so damn much."

"Why is everything hard?"

"You don't look at me that way like you did before."

"If I had one more chance, I would do it again."

JUST SAY I'M SORRY

"Just say, 'I'm sorry'."

"It's not the hardest thing to do."

"Just say you're wrong sometimes."

"I'll believe you 'cause I love you."

"Everybody wants to be the one who's right."

"Sometimes, the way to win is to say you lose."

"Love's a gamble and the stakes are high."

"All that's on the table is a bad goodbye."

"You say you'd die for me."

"I don't know why you can't pull the trigger and kill your pride."

[writingsofwesteros]

I just had a thought that id like to share with you: imagine reader is a young lady training in the red keep and she would encounter larys in the gardens from time to time. One day larys shows her the roses, and teaches her to collect the moisture from among the petals with your finger so as to not let them droop of overwatering. She watches him do this slowly and gently, feeling heat stir in her core. Larys watches her reaction intently, standing incredibly close, knowing exactly what he's doing 🌹

AN: Hi, I hope you like it x

NSFW

Larys had been watching you for a while now under the pretence of keeping an eye on the Green Queen. It was what he told himself, as well but those dark eyes of his continued to move over your body. He hated how his heart seemingly skipped when you came closer; your delicate hand raising in a wave.

Larys only leaned onto his cane with his head resting on it whilst you only gracefully walked closer to him. “It is a nice day, Lord Strong.” You whispered over to him before finally coming to a stop. “It is..” Larys hummed; the shining sun forgotten about as he only stared at your beautiful form.

The dress you wore clung to you perfectly. It was enough that Larys had to force to look away from you. Your fingers slowly reached for the pretty, bright flowers in front of you as Larys began to name them for you. “How did you learn all this?” You whispered out in pure curiosity as you turned your head.

“I read a lot.” Larys whispered as he looked up at you from under those lashes of his in a near picture of innocence. “You will have to show me where these books are.” You hummed in interest. He only smiled to himself as he looked up at you once more before ducking his head again.

His shyness was endearing, you thought to yourself as your head ducked for a moment. Your cheeks are prettily flushing. “I saw you with the Queen’s sworn shield yesterday.” Larys finally spoke of what was on his mind. “Oh, yes, he is helping me train.” You babbled out quite excitedly.

“Train?” Larys hummed; his eyebrow raised in growing interest. That was not what he had been thinking. You only giggled at his expression whilst Larys’ hand had moved to the wet flowers now. “What are you doing?” You could not help but ask as you stepped closer to him; far too closer than you should.

His eyes sparkled in delight as he caught your attention. Attention that he desired to keep forever. “It is so the flowers don’t become too watered.” Larys whispered as his fingers moved with the flower petal between them. You could only watch in near awe with your soft, plump lips parted.

The water dropped from his fingers. “It is never too good to be too wet, do you not think?” Larys whispered. “No..” You whispered out, quite breathlessly. Not that you noticed as you only continued to stare. Larys noticed; he noticed everything. His dark eyes slowly moved down your chest; your soft, ample breasts moving with your quicker breathing.

“You try…gently..” Larys hummed and before you knew it his hand had reached your own and your heart skipped a beat. Your lips parted once more as you felt your stomach begin to tighten; heat pooling as well. “Feels funny.” You whispered as you copied what you had watched Larys do. 

Your eyes still watched as the lord in front of you moved to the next flower; his fingers rubbing together. It was as if he was hypnotising you, you thought to yourself as your own movements matched him perfectly. “It’s peaceful.” You hummed and fought against the growing desire moving inside you.

~

Two of Larys’ fingers were stuffed inside your weeping pussy now that he had you against the wall of the empty corridor. His thumb slowly circled your clit as you moved to burrow in his neck. “Hmm, it seems there is another flower that is too wet for her own good.” Larys purred into your ear.

His words had you whimpering as you stared at the man in front of you in shock. You had not suspected such things from such a man; not that you shared those thoughts. He curled them and found your spongy spot that had you gasping out in near delight. His desire filled eyes only watched you.

Oh, the games he was going to play with you, Larys thought to himself as his fingers slowly moved in and out of your soaked pussy. His palm hitting your clit with each move as he leaned closer; his nose brushing against your own. “Larys…” You whimpered out breathlessly as the pleasure quickly moved through you.

Your soft, sweet breasts were bouncing after he had ripped your dress down. His hunger should have terrified you but you only grew more aroused; your soaked, fluttering walls clamped around his fingers. “Flowers wilt without being watered, but I do not think you need anymore?” He hummed; taunting still.

The sound of your wetness was echoing around the corridor now and he watched your cheeks flush like a pretty rose. “Larys..I..please.. “ You hardly knew what you were begging for now as you locked eyes with him. Your soft breasts moved as your breathing only became more heavy with the intense pleasure.

You could feel your stomach tightening even more as you rested your head back. Larys followed and began to hotly mouth at your bare neck now. “Oh gods…I…” You rocked against his fingers now as your desire ripped through you with ease. Larys did not stop his movements as you squirted around his fingers.

Larys only chuckled as he watched you fall apart in front of him. He squeezed a third finger inside your already spasming pussy. “No…Larys..I …” You were babbling absolute nonsense now as your hand slowly moved down his chest. Your hand reached for his own to try and push him away.

“Please..it’s too much..” You whimpered; your eyes rolling as Larys continued to fuck you through your orgasm with a second one easily rising through you. Larys only leaned closer and this time he passionately captured your soft lips. He caught you by surprise as you softly gasped; your lips parting.

His tongue greedily found your own now as he began to suck on yours. Larys moaned against your soft lips whilst his fingers only continued to tease you even more. The act taking your breath away as you completely melted for him.

[sweetbuckybarnes]

The Eras Tour: 08. Red (Taylor's Version)

Pairings: Colin Bridgerton + Penelope Featherington, Anthony + Kate Bridgerton

Polin Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Penelope looked over at Benedict, who was talking to Little Pen's mother (turns out her name was Sophie), and started chatting with Gregory next to her.

Colin watched as the lights on people's watches blinked before changing to a red as someone brought out a large red wheeled trunk you would expect to see at stadiums for instruments - every time the young woman would lift the lid the instrumentals of a song could be heard before she lifted a lid completely - then out came Taylor Swift from the same place she came out for reputation wearing a white sparkly t-shirt with words (which were also sparkly) and a hipster hat stylised about ten years ago...

"It feels like a perfect night, to dress up like hipsters. And make fun of our exes, ah-ah, ah-ah," Taylor started. "It feels like a perfect night, for breakfast at midnight. To fall in love with strangers, ah-ah, ah-ah."

Colin remembers hearing the song on the radio back in the day, and it recently came back on a few years ago. 

"I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22! Everything will be alright if you keep me next to you. You don't know about me, but I'll bet you want to. Everything will be alright if, we just keep dancing like we're 22, 22!"

Taylor and her dancers were making their way down the stage - which is when Colin noticed there was a little girl sitting at the end of the stage, looking up at Taylor with stars in her eyes.

Penelope looked over at Eloise with an awe-like look on her face. "She's giving away the 22 hat!"

"It feels like one of those nights! We ditch the whole scene! It feels like one of those nights! We won't be sleeping! It feels like one of those nights! You look like bad news, I gotta have you. I gotta have you!"

Then the chords changed, and Colin instantly recognised the song - We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together - it was something Penelope had played a lot when she and Debling broke up. God, how he hated Debling. He was so boring! He doesn't know how Penelope coped after going out with him for two years.

Colin seemed to zone out again as he imagined a hypothetical life with Penelope. If he focused hard enough, he could imagine their hypothetical wedding, the kids, and the house in Bloomsbury he had sort of been eyeing for months. 

He knew he would have to speak to Penelope, and soon. Otherwise, he would explode from the feelings swirling around in him.

"I used to think, that we were forever, ever, and I used to say 'never say never'," she sings before letting out a sigh. "Ugh, so he calls me up and he's, like, 'I still love you'. And I'm, like, I just, I mean, this is exhausting, you know. Like, we are never getting back together," Taylor says, before putting the mic in front of one of her backup dancers.

"Like ever!"

Colin watched as Penelope danced in the row in front of him. He knew she described herself as a 'wallflower', he always hated it when she called herself that.

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together was soon followed by I Knew You Were Trouble, the following song should have been the 10 Minute Version of All Too Well, but instead, Taylor brought on the opening act Phoebe Bridgers for their duet - Nothing New which Colin would eventually learn is a 'Vault track'. 

"How can a person feel everything at eighteen, but nothing at twenty-two? And will you still want me, will you still want me? Will you still want me, when I'm nothing new?"

Colin couldn't take his eyes off Penelope (if he truly thought about it, he hadn't taken his eyes off her since he met her on the playground. When her yellow sun hat flew off her head with a sudden gust of wind, flew straight into his face and made him fall off the monkey bars and into a mud puddle).

Looking back on that moment, the first time they met - as embarrassment and shock that were once covering Penelope's face broke into giggles. He should have known how much she would come to mean to him. She was always the one encouraging him to travel, to see new places. He always made sure to send her a handwritten letter (which would always include the hotel/hostel he would be staying at next, so her letters would get to him.  

Little did either of them know, they both have kept all the letters they have ever received.

"I walked through the door with you, the air was cold. But somethin' 'bout it felt like home somehow. And I left my scarf at your sister's house, and you've still got it in your drawer even now."

This was another song Penelope played when she and Debling broke up. But, when Penelope was telling him about this re-record project Taylor Swift was doing, he didn't know if it was going to bring up the past feelings (when she made the strong decision to dump Debling).

"'Cause there we are again on that little town street, you almost ran the red, 'cause you were lookin' over at me. Wind in my hair, I was there, I remember it. All too well."

He knew Penelope hadn't been the most 'popular' girl in school, she had only been with a few people (Debling, one date with Colin's (now) nemesis Fife and Dankworth - who then went on to marry one of her sisters!) Colin knew if she ever allowed him to date her, he would treat her like the Queen she is (he already does...)

"'Til we were dead and gone and buried, check the pulse and came back swearin' it's the same. After three months in the grave, and then you wondered where it went to as I reached for you, but all I felt was shame and you held my lifeless frame."

Colin looked away from Penelope and caught sight of Eloise who's eyebrows furrowed, with her eyes darting back and forth between her older brother and her best friend. Shit.

"Well, maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much! But, maybe this thing is a masterpiece, 'til you tore it all up. Runnin' scared, I was there, I remember it. All too well. And you call me up again, just to break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the name of bein' 'honest', I'm a crumpled-up piece-of-paper lyin' here. 'Cause I remember it, all, all, all."

Colin didn't realise how much of an impact Penelope's previous partners had on her, because before too long she had very nearly crumpled to the floor.

"They say all's well that ends well, but I'm in a new hell everything, you double cross my mind. You said if we had been closer in age, maybe it would've been fine. And that made me want to die! The idea you had of me, who was she? A never-needy, ever-lovely jewel who's shine reflects on you."

That was definitely about Dankworth.

"You who charmed my dad with self-effecting jokes, sipping coffee like you're on a late-night show. But he watched me watch the front door, all night, willin' you to come. He said its supposed to be fun, turnin' twenty-one."

He doesn't know if that was about another boyfriend he didn't know about or... him. He didn't make it to Penelope's 21st, a massive storm in Australia delayed his flight home for three days. He could still feel the guilt racking through him. He apologised until he was nearly blue in the face, but Penelope still forgave him. 

She didn't forgive that boyfriend.

"And I was never good at tellin' jokes, but the punch line goes, 'I'll get older, but your lovers stay my age'. From when your Brooklyn broke my skin and bones, I'm a soldier who's returning half her weight, and did the twin flame bruise paint you blue? Just between us, did the love affair maim you too? 'Cause in this city's barren cold, I still remember the first fall of snow and how it glistened as it fell. I remember it all too well."

[kaleuh]

I feel absolutely pathetic.

Here I am, laying on a nice little beach near my apartment. The sky is blue, the clouds are water colored in the distance, the sun is still so warm despite it being almost 8pm. The moon is bright and rising. No one is bothering me, people around me are enjoying the day, and on my back staring up at the sky from the sand, all I can think about is bursting into tears. For no reason. The future maybe? The present? The past? I don’t even know what period of my life I’m crying about anymore. There’s no reason for it. I should be happy. Am I broken? Sometimes I think, maybe I did some fae deal that I don’t remember to take away and take on the sadness other people feel, and that’s why I’m like this now. When I think about it that way at least it’s something. At least it’s for something. This current sadness is so pointless. It’s nothing and worth nothing. It’s hard to feel the little happinesses day by day when I can barely feel anything outside of emptiness. And that’s the pathetic part, really. People would kill to be in my shoes with the things I do have. I live in a beautiful place with a loving partner and plenty of friends and a job that I don’t hate. People are out there dying in war and famine and I’m just like Ohhhh the sun she won’t talk to me, ohh the sky won’t answer my calls, boooohooooohooo meanwhile I can literally do beach yoga before going to work, which I can literally be naked for if I wanted to and eat and listen to whatever while I do it. But is that all happiness is now? Eating and sleeping and noise? What did I lose? Why did I lose it? What do I do to feel anything now? Is this forever? Is life, “hey you’re truly happy in your young adult years and then after that it’s mediocrity forever?” Am I just bored? It could be that I am just severely, severely bored. Could you imagine? If the past few years spent feeling this way was actually just because I haven’t had real adventures in a while? I wouldn’t be surprised, but then what would I need to do? Where would I need to go? And for how long? If that would even help. The only time I feel anything is Once per week where I am pretending to be a 20 year old boy named Trey Dolton who attends a college in east Texas. That guy feels everything. But it’s good. It means a part of me is still alive, and plays basketball now for some reason. This is where all the lost things went, I guess. When the campaign ends in a few months I literally don’t know what I’m going to do. I might not feel anything, or only bad things. It’s been nice. To have a part of myself be real again, the part that I miss, even if that part is now a hyper emotional jock. I wish I could talk to him. This post sucks. I guess the whole game has been a weird therapy for me without realizing. I wish he could sit next to me. He’d go, “Yo it is SO nice out right now,” and then endlessly talk about all the nice things he sees and then he’d ask if I wanted to “dribble those nasty courts” to which I’d say I Don’t Know How to Play Basketball Trey and then he’d say “I’ll show you!” And then the entire game he’d keep getting distracted by how pretty the sky is and then maybe he’d talk about God since he’s a pretty avid Christian but fuck it, I’d love a reason, any reason, to be able to look up and think, “look at all that was made for us” again

that actually helped a little

[arpmemething2]

Pokemon starters

Quotes from the games, movies, anime, manga and just about everything else represented.  Feel free to change pronounces as needed.  Send one for my muse’s reaction.

"Life is strange isn't it? I actually like you more... than the boy I've been thinking of all these years."

“I didn't know Vikings still existed...”

"That's okay.  You'll find lots of other girls to reject you."

“There are bad ways to win and good ways to lose. What’s interesting and troubling is that it’s not always clear which is which. A flipped coin doesn’t always land on heads or tails. Sometimes it may never land at all.”

“Develop amnesia conveniently and forget everything you heard!”

"All of you... Lend me your power! The power... To protect the world!"

“Mostly I breathe fire, but want to exchange numbers?”

“Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That’s when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart.”

"I hate water, especially WET water."

"I like shorts! They're comfy and easy to wear!"

"Well, if you just try hard enough, things will work out. Won't they?"

"Sorry! I was just swearing on my dreams to the sun, the skies and the sea!! Please wait till I'm done!"

"Nah...he probably started a rock band! He's got the hairdo for it!"

“Living is using time given to you. You cannot recall lost time.”

"This is perfect. That cliff is the perfect spot for our first meeting."

"That's progress..at least his mouth is working."

"There’s no sense in going out of your way just to get somebody to like you. "

"Everybody makes a wrong turn once in a while."

"Oh, I left my motorcycle at the front desk."

“I’ll use my trusty frying pan… as a drying pan!”

"Perhaps you are unique, a unique human. One of a kind."

"Reality can really bum you out..."

“So, this is my power… but what is my purpose?”

"You haven't even won yet!  I won't let such fun end so easily."

“You see, sometimes friends have to go away, but a part of them stays behind with you.”

“If there is someone in this world who understands you, it feels like that person is right beside you. Even if you’re as far apart as the end of the land and top of the sky.”

“Living is using time given to you. You cannot recall lost time.”

“You gotta keep smiling, no matter how tough things are getting”

"We don't have any money, but we'd be happy to work to pay for any damages."

“Do you always need a reason to help somebody?”

“The important thing is not how long you live. It’s what you accomplish with your life.”

“Me, give up? No way!”

"The circumstances of one’s birth are irrelevant, but it’s what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are. "

"I'm too young for math!"

"I'm too weak to work...I haven't eaten since breakfast."

"It's you and me. I know it's my destiny."

"A good friend left me and I miss her everyday. But I know we’ll always be friends forever."

"When I think about it, you, too, are all alone in the world."

"Make your wonderful dream a reality, it will become your truth. If anyone can, it’s you.”

"Why would I do something as silly as that? Escaping is just your opinion, right? I chose the course of action I thought is correct, you're always pushing me around, I wanted to say this before...You're not the boss of me!"

"We hope to see you again!"

"My favorite hard work. I believe there is nothing that replaces the discipline that is required to achieve our goals. I don’t think reflection I don’t think books, I don’t think guidance or any other thing for places the fact that we have to take action."

"I don’t like to say I’m great but that’s what people tell me."

"Change your perspective, and the reality changes."

“When you have lemons, you make lemonade; and when you have rice, you make rice balls.”

"Ha ha! This gym is great! It is full of women!"

"Y'all are Stupid!"

"By the way, that'll be a two-dollar charge for resting on my rock."

"My body is ready."

“We do have a lot in common. The same earth, the same air, the same sky. Maybe if we started looking at what’s the same, instead of looking at what’s different, well, who knows?”

“I’m totally unprepared to deal with life’s realities.”

"This brat’s tough. Tougher than I can put into words, and I know a lot of words."

"Hey, how can we breathe underwater?"

“If anybody’s out there, you can come out. And if you’re a monster or a ghost, you can stay where you are.”

“Don’t worry that pretty blue head of yours, I’ve got a plan.”

"Children are not just things that belong to their parents."

"Oh our experiment isn't over yet, it's just beginning. Now the serious testing begins."

"My face is reflected in the water. It's a shining grin full of hope, or maybe it's a look of somber silence struggling with fear…"

"The strength to protect, huh? But what are you really protecting? A tomorrow that will only end up being worse than today?"

"Even If we don’t understand each other, that’s not a reason to reject each other. There are two sides to any argument. Is there one point of view that has all the answers? Give it some thought."

“I don’t want to miss anything you do from now on!”

“The more wonderful the meeting, the sadder the parting.”

"whatever happens from here on, my heart is already set."

“It’s more important to master the cards you’re holding than to complain about the ones your opponent was dealt.”

"Well, if you just try hard enough, things will work out. Won't they?"

“These are not shorts! These are half-pants!”

"The lats time you cooked, you wiped out eight of my nine lives."

"What is this pressure I feel...? Something... is enraged?"

"They’re not here. Let’s ride the ferris wheel and see if we can spot them. I love ferris wheels… the circular motion… the mechanics… they’re like collections of elegant formulas."

“Please make sure the bed is empty before getting in it!”

“A wildfire destroys everything in its path. It will be the same with your powers unless you learn to control them.”

"We're standing here for no reason, and one day we'll be gone for no reason."

“Take charge of your destiny.”

“I will show you that my love for my friends permeates every cell in my body.”

"Let's Go! Kneecaps!"

“Physical wounds can be treated without much difficulty, but emotional wounds are not so easy to heal.”

"With enemies like that, who needs friends?"

"Our lucky star is shining today!"

“Don’t you know that love is the most important thing in the whole world?”

"If I were to make bad puns when I’m supposed to be telling a joke, doesn’t it give people even more of an opportunity to tease me and start a funny back-and-forth?"

[evelhak]

Well, you asked for it ;)

2, 16, 22, 33, 39, 63, 71

I guess I did. I wish I could return some questions, though. ;)

2. How old are you?

I am sweet 30. And since that's a disappointingly short answer, let me reflect a bit. It's so weird, because before I really became active on tumblr again last year, it never would have even occurred to me that someone would question my presence in a fandom because I'm too old?? (Especially because 30 is still quite young as a human being, and culturally even younger than it was some time ago...) Maybe I just wasn't in the right places, but I honestly never saw it happen before, and all of a sudden I was witnessing and getting really unfair hate because... my brain is fully developed, and I've been around the sun more times than a teenager? Well, the way I see it, and this might not be what some KnB fandom teens want to hear, the characters are now the same age as me, or a year older, depending on how you look at it. Yes, they aged with me in my brain, and that's just as valid a take as pretending fictional characters are forever the age they are in canon. And by the way, you don't lose the right to reflect on your past as you get older, or to vibe with characters who are the age you were in that past and going through similar struggles. This should not be a threat to anyone, this should be a comforting thought. I know I'm preaching to the choir, writing this here, but it's almost every day that I see something that makes it relevant to keep saying these things.

16. Favourite movie?

This is always such a hard question. I have several, but since I have to pick one, let's go with The Railway Man this time. It's different to my other favourites because I've only seen it once, and I can't bring myself to watch it again, because the torture scenes are too much for me to handle. But I think about it constantly. It's based on the true story of a man who initially plans to hunt down his torturer from WWII, but is able to forgive him instead, and hear and understand his side of the war experiences, and his guilt. Not only do they accept each other's apologies, the two become life-long friends. This is by far the most cathartic movie I have ever seen in my life. I cried in my room for an hour after watching it. It simultaneously contains the worst and the best humanity is capable of, and that's what makes it so special, and I'm tearing up now just writing this. Especially because it's based on a true story, this movie is such a lighthouse to me, because it's proof that love and forgiveness and healing beyond comprehension do exist, and I'm not a fool to believe in it, no matter the circumstances.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

No, I don't think so, by any stretch of imagination. The closest would be me keeping my drunk friends from getting in trouble, by preventing them from picking a fight with a security guard.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

A smoothie, an avocado toast, and (decaf) coffee (because caffeine gives me panic attacks). Yes, I am such a basic millennial.

39. Do you have any scars?

Yes, many, but most of them are very small. I don't have any interesting stories about them. Ran into something, got hit by something, surgery. Normal things.

63. Biggest Fear?

Losing everyone I love, or a slow and painful death. I don't want to engage my imagination there, but if you imagine the most painful thing that could happen to a human in general, emotionally and physically, for the love of god, don't tell me what it is, but that's probably my worst fear.

71. What makes you nervous?

Being observed closely while I'm doing something for the purpose of evaluation. Having to get something right on the first try. Performing anything physical for the first time. Those job interviews where you have to pretend your interviewers are your students, audience, or clients. Having to advocate for my personal needs, when they are in conflict with the interest of the other person and especially a group. Anything where I have to make sure I'm seen and heard.

Thanks, this was both fun and emotional to reflect on. ♥︎

[thebirdandhersong]

songbird's tentative romcom/general romance list - UPDATED 12/17/22

(*** = in my top 50 favourite movies)

S tier (TOP TIER writing & acting, beautiful cinematography, would 10/10 rewatch again and again alone and with friends, I still laugh whenever I rewatch, if I had money I would buy a copy and keep it Forever; has a special place in my heart; I probably cried buckets)

***Summer Stock

***Roman Holiday

***You Can't Take It With You

***Holiday

***Sleepless in Seattle

Mr. Deeds Goes to Town

***You've Got Mail

***Whisper of the Heart

Much Ado About Nothing (Tennant & Tate)

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

La La Land

***Cinderella (2015)

Tangled

Pushing Daisies (counting this)

New Girl (...yes, I'm counting it)

***Pride & Prejudice 1995

***Sense & Sensibility 1995

A tier (excellent writing & acting, I still rewatch scenes every once in a while, would rewatch alone or with friends; possibly cried once or twice; recommend highly to other people when asked)

Singing in the Rain

***While You Were Sleeping

Sabrina

Moonstruck

***Bringing Up Baby

The Philadelphia Story

***Persuasion 1996

Northanger Abbey 2007

Encounter (Korea)

She Loves Me (Broadway)

About Time

***Belle

Rain or Shine (Korea)

When We Were Young (China)

A Werewolf Boy (Korea)

Swing Time

Anastasia

Our Times (Taiwan)

Kate & Leopold

Stardust

Emma.

Far from the Madding Crowd

Sense & Sensibility 2008

B tier (great writing & acting, made me laugh really hard at moments, would only rewatch if in a certain mood)

The Pirate

Come Live With Me

The Proposal

10 Things I Hate About You

A Cinderella Story

Enchanted

My Big Fat Greek Wedding

27 Dresses

The Shop Around the Corner

Waitress

Descendants of the Sun (Korea)

Thirty but Seventeen (Korea)

To All the Boys I've Loved Before

My Girl (Thailand)

Becoming Jane

Pride & Prejudice 2005

Watched (won't watch again probably for one reason or another; just not my cup of tea)

The Princess Bride

She's the Man

The Decoy Bride

Princess Diaries 2

Unforgettable (Korea)

Swing Boys (Korea)

Made for Each Other

Vivacious Lady

I'll Be Seeing You

It Happened One Night

[direwombat]

tagged by @inafieldofdaisies, @socially-awkward-skeleton, @roofgeese, and @baldurrs to list 5-10 songs that relate to my otp <3 &lt;3 <3

tagging: @adelaidedrubman, @strangefable, @strafethesesinners, @fourlittleseedlings, @kittiofdoom, @sukoshimikan, @confidentandgood, @detectivelokis, @sstewyhosseini, @aceghosts, @poetikat, and anyone else wanting to share their playlists for their otp (but no pressure <;3)

— r: define your meaning of war [main playlist here]

songs under the cut because baby's LONG -- first three are vaguely from syb's pov, the next three from jacob's, and the last three are mutual feelings &lt;3

heaven or hell - digital daggers

I've got the same deep wounds as you, My love can double as a weapon too Say that you trust it and I'll set it free Turn it back on me Turn it back on me

We trade our secrets when it's safe Our ammunition when the fever breaks Show me the side no one else sees Turn it back on me Turn it back on me

I am exposed, I am undone You tear the walls down one by one We tried to run, we tried to hide in fear of losing ourselves We tried to keep it all inside so we don't hurt someone else When all the demons come alive I'll still be under your spell, This could be heaven or hell This could be heaven or hell

blindfold - sleeping wolf

In the dark I need to taste the blood Go on Draw another line we can cross this time Battle scars Your touch is not enough I need you to pierce my Veins and become my pain

So use your blindfold Cover your hands on my eyes, closed Do it again Tie me up and show me what's real Hate your love, but love how you feel Useless, trying to fight And the truth is, I'd rather be blind I'd rather be blind

not strong enough - apocalyptica + brent smith

I'm not strong enough to stay away I can't run from you I just run back to you Like a moth, I'm drawn into your flame You say my name But it's not the same

You look in my eyes I'm stripped of my pride And my soul surrenders And you bring my heart to its knees

And it's killing me when you're away And I wanna leave, and I wanna stay And I'm so confused, so hard to choose Between the pleasure and the pain And I know it's wrong, and I know it's right Even if I try to win the fight My heart would overrule my mind And I'm not strong enough to stay away

i know i'm a wolf - young heretics

Dear rabbit, my legs are getting weak chasing you The snow fields wouldn't seem so big if you knew That this blood on my teeth it is far beyond dry And I've captured you once but I wasn't quite right So I'm telling you that you'll be safe with me.

on your knees - matthew mayfield

Such a disgrace Thе way the vengeance tastes Best served cold But it's the heat I crave

Took the fall but Learned to crawl up the highest prison wall Yeah, doing my best to keep you pressed In a sunken chest

This is the way to life This is the way to die Darling, I hope you, see what I go through But I ain’t gonna leave you on your knees This is where the love counts Covered in the breakdown I ain’t gonna leave you on your knees No, I ain’t gonna leave you on your knees

afterlife - nothing but thieves

You can tell your God he can keep his salvation And if you like, the angels can fly into the sun We don't, we don't have to do this again Please don't, please don't make me start this again

It was only ever you It was only ever you My baby, it feels like a lifetime Oh God, I don't think I could do two

My soul is tortured with love and lust and hate My cracked lips are unkissed for a million days My infected heart, it's bleeding in this cage I'm losing my dignity, not got long left to wait

iris - diamante + breaking benjamin

And I'd give up forever to touch you 'Cause I know that you feel me somehow You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment And all I can breathe is your life And sooner or later, it's over I just don't wanna miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am

marked for death - emma ruth rundle

it was right that we did meet each other in each other’s eyes it was right that we did see each other in our shadow sides it was wrong then too that crazy love, loves crazy as it does and each of us and both of us so crazy; as it was

who else is going to love someone like you that’s marked for death who else is going to be with you when you breathe your last who else is going to take my place and hold and keep you safe/sane who else is going to stay

somebody to die for - hurts

I've got nothing left to live for Got no reason yet to die But when I'm standing in the gallows I'll be staring at the sky

Because no matter where they take me In death I will survive And I will never be forgotten With you by my side

Cause I don't need this life I just need...

Somebody to die for

[starsallalight]

@mcrtals : Kit & Ella

the queen was not a stranger to long days.    for years, from the time the sun awakened from its slumber, to long after it had gone to rest after a long day of blanketing the world in its golden light, she worked, and worked.    time passed slowly, but she could always count on the moon to watch over her as she crawled into the bed after everything had been primped and cleaned, keeping the sun at bay for a few hours so she could rest.

her body was no longer bone-weary:  cheeks had regained the fullness of her youth, permanently dusted in a light pink, the joy she felt impossible to deny for even a moment.     but in the past two weeks, not even the moon could lull her back into the land of dreams, her dear husband’s absence felt more keenly during the nights. 

ella was afraid she had grown quite spoiled.    

in the gardens where they almost shared their first kiss, when their hearts became forever linked, she felt closer to him.    between meetings and the little amusements she had grown so fond of, she found herself walking there.

in the corner of her eye, she had seen him more than once, the dream fluttering in her heart coming to life before misting away when she blinked.    when she saw him today, she smiled, his handsome face was sorely missed, but she didn’t turn or start in his direction, thinking she had once again conjured him from her imagination.     

the words caressed her ears, the tender devotion making her chuckle.   her dear husband better come back before he returned to a mad wife;    it was only when his hands encircled her waist, that she began to suspect that there was more to this meeting than a tender heart’s ache.   

“    you say that to me every night in my dreams.   ”    lifting her finger, she brushed a curl away from his eyes, radiant in her joy.    “    did i fall asleep in the rose bed?    or perhaps in the swing…    my love, tell me you’re real and i have you back.   ”

Laughing gently, dimples brightening his face, Kit pressed a kiss to her golden curls. "No, my love. This is no dream. You're as awake as I. And I'm home, at last."

As much as he hated it, even the young king couldn't ensure that their time together remained uninterrupted. There had been some time granted to them, with the Grand Duke taking care of much of the things he should have seen to himself. But things had to return to normal eventually, and he could no longer ignore his duties.

"The treaty is secure, and I hope, that will mean that I won't have to leave you again for some time."

[pomssecret]

I love lying. Learned at a young age that it can get me out of situations I don't want to engage in. My family always gets mad at simple things that isn't worth getting mad about. Being the obedient child I am, I didn't want them to get mad so I lied. It worked once. It worked twice. Then it worked all the time.

Found comfort in it that I used it again and again. Not minding the limits I passed nor the boundaries I crossed since I could always lie my way out of it. Love lying so much that I mastered it. People don't expect me to lie because I carry this persona that's just so far from a dishonest individual. Yet here I stand, straight, and chin up high, mouth full of words harboring thin air with opacity at it's 100%. It was one of my precious secrets out of the thousands I keep hidden.

Like all secrets however, someone's bound to find out. You can lie forever but how much until it gets suspicious? At a young age I lie. Now, I still lie. Years of time spent with people really makes you get to know them. In my case, my family eventually debunked this precious secret of mine. They saw the pattern. They identified the empty sentences I uttered. They got used to it. A stain in a white cloth I can never get rid off, no matter how much bleach or detergent I use. My image was dirtied. The looks I get, the whispers and shouts I hear, the echo of disappointment flickering through my mind and all gaze.

Mirrors are my friend and enemy. I love how I look. I think I look pretty. I also think I'm disgusting. Why do I love lying so much, it's unhealthy. I know right from wrong. I love justice and credibility. Yet I lie and lie and lie. Is this the reason why I'm so self reliant? Too afraid of people getting close for they'll see every detail that people don't usually focus on about? Details of mine filled with wrinkles, junks of trash pushed under the bed so that no one will see how unhygienic my room is, eyebags, stretch marks, billed up dust on top of shelves I'm too lazy to clean, sh lines, the me not worth risking or the me not worth anything at all. Will they look at me like my father? Will they shout and yell at me like my sister? Will they point out every flaw like my mother? I'm too afraid to know the answer. Infact, I dare not to even get close for I already know the answer. I recite all prayers and use every subliminal to never get there at all. They will. Because they eventually will. If they get to know me enough. They eventually will.

So I stand again, making sure my chin's up high, my eyes as bright as the sun, masking this awfully messed up alter. They won't know if I pushed them away. They won't get close if I distanced. I won't get hurt if I have my self. I can do it on my own. I understand, I'll take care of it. Leave it up to me, I can handle it. Kaya ko pa, ako nalang. Ako nalang.

So I lie and keep everyone at arms length. I won't get hurt. Would you call that selfish? I call it procrastinating. I also call it self defense, preventing. The right term would be pathetic. How I call my self an empath, I feel and understand. It makes me dislike everyone yet not have the balls to hate anyone. Words can get you so far and it took me far far away. Although not enough to escape my own thoughts since they're always one step close. It helped. Not always but it helped. I am my number one supporter, my number one ally, my number one hater. The biggest paradox I'll ever encounter, I'll ever face, my self. Maybe that's why I love lying? It makes it hurt less.

[slusheeduck]

4, 11, 14, 15, 16, and 30 for Tav? I love the weirdo

HAHAHAHA, don't worry, he answers to Tav too

4. If your Tav was a companion, where would they be found? He'd probably be found in the ship wreckage near the start being bullied by that big group of intellect devourers. You'd bring him on for his feylock abilities and softspoken contrast to the Goth Fundie, Mean Vampire, and Gale you picked up, then keep him around for the "stoplickingthedamnthing" banter.

11. Weapon of choice?

Staves and glaives! He's a big, big fan of Sorrow. He also used Blood of Lathander for a while because if you're going to explode a creche with the full concentrated power of the sun for it, you might as well use the damn thing.

14. What hobbies does your Tav have?

Fal crochets! Not nearly as well as Astarion embroiders, but it's a nice way to keep his hands occupied. With his heart condition, he couldn't play much as a kid, so his mother taught him to crochet when he was fairly young. Post-Absolute, he gets really into gardening--especially nightblooming flowers. Turns out spending time with fairies AND druids gives you a really good green thumb.

15: What NPC's do they like? Which one's do they dislike?

His favorite people he's encountered has been Omeluum, Lucretious, and Spaw. He loves Spaw--he would have stayed with the myconids forever if he hadn't been dragged out. Once he knows Yenna's NOT Orin, he's pretty fond of her too, out of all the children he inadvertently invites to camp. He gives her a sword. It's probably safe. He hates Orin. Not even in a "this is the bad guy" way, just in a "you are so FUCKING annoying oh my god please die" way. The moment any rando starts asking him in great detail what he thinks about killing he's just like "Oh my GOD Orin FUCK I know it's you."

He knew Auntie Ethel was going to be bad news because she looked just like his old babysitter growing up, and she was a bitch.

("Oh my god," Falerin said as they limped away from Auntie Ethel's teahouse. "What? Is it the corpse we just reanimated, or the fact that that woman is definitely going to fuck that corpse?" Astarion asked. "No, neither. I just remembered who Auntie Ethel reminded me of. I had this horrible babysitter growing up. Only boiled food, wouldn't let me do anything but sit quietly 'on account of my condition', threatened me with a switch for so much as talking so loud. What if she actually was a hag?")

16: Do they have a favorite creature in the Faerûn?

Well, it WAS hollyphants, but finally getting to see one was less than ideal. Tressyms have since replaced them as his favorite creature.

30: What's your favorite thing about your Tav?

In-game, it's the fact that he's meant to be a chaotic good character, but the party keeps killing LITERALLY EVERYONE by accident. And it's gotten to the point where he's just like "...please don't try to attack us we'll wipe out your whole army and I REALLY don't want to do that again." In terms of character, he's fun because he's someone who started his life with sharp desperation--he was a rude, ambitious bastard at the outset, actually, because he literally did not have the time to care--who was softened considerably by his time with the fey. So he really does understand where his companions are coming from--he was a young hotshot trying to prove himself, he was stolen from his home, he made a pact that has its perks but came at a cost, he spent years as a toy for creatures much more powerful than he was for the sake of survival--and now he has the patience to help them, because there's nothing left for him to lose and, honestly, it's really nice to actually have friends.

Thank you for the questions!!

[hesperus-knox-jv]

Reasons I Should Get Up Today

1. The world's as beautiful as it's ever going to be, every day it gets a little sicker, enjoy it while it lasts. Get out there while there's still birds and bugs and cats and dogs and chickens and grass and wheat and nonlethal sun. 

2. You're as young as you're ever going to get again. Death is for the old and weary and you're not quite there yet no matter how tired you feel.

3. Color isn't gone, you just can't see it behind those gray walls of yours, go take a look, then paint it across every page you have so you won't ever forget it. Won't ever resent it again. 

4. If none of the above work and you still feel caked in muck and tar, think about that vape you're chewing on, you want one that won't turn your lungs black twice as fast, right? Go get the funds to buy a new one, if not for your lungs for the nasty taste it leaves in your throat. 

5. I know you won't believe me if I tell you you're loved, so instead get up and show that you're capable of loving without blood under your nails, if only to spite those who think you are incapable. 

6. You know if you don't get up it'll get worse. You're scared that if you do get up it'll be worse anyway, but life isn't worth living if you spend it afraid, take the risk and maybe see some of that color outside bleed into you. 

7. There's been enough people spilling their own blood, you don't have to. Hell, if you're that torn up about it, go out and fight for them, for yourself, and see if you can't save more lives than the one you could've taken had you stayed curled up and aching. 

8. There's mistakes to be made, ones that won't be erased, scars to be earned, and tears to be shed, it's going to hurt, but you've never once been afraid of agony, only hateful of it, so take the joy when it comes and when the tide of good goes out don't falter when you try to chase it and the riptide drags you under. Rage with the dying of the sun and swim back to shore for the next tide of good. Even if you can't keep your head above the waves. 

9. It may feel like you're drowning but your heads are still above the water, everyday you're not the one being strung up even by your own hand is a day worth living. 

10. No one's ever gonna walk through that door and save you. No matter how much you want to believe it. You've got to be your own hero this time, maybe forever, maybe just until you save someone else who wants to return the favor.