#but once they stopped being able to think maybe everything else went to ruin

[howlcraft]

MORE end city thoughts: They are built out of blocks that you can't get with ONLY the resources available in the end (actually, with only the resources available in the end without the end cities, you have access to no blocks at all). They've got chests, smelted things, glass. They have seeds stashed in their chests but there's no dirt in the whole dimension. So. I don't think the End has always been this barren. I think it used to have a bit more life, more kinds of rock, maybe even some water

OOOO GOOD POINT!! also if i'm not mistaken i believe the endermen used to be able to pass in and out of the end at will before being trapped there by the ender dragon, separating them from the endermen who similarly got stuck in the overworld & nether...

i wonder if the lack of communication with their home dimension simply leaves them feeling disoriented and lost, as opposed to some kind of de-evolution that a lot of ppl theorize. i think them moving and holding blocks is the only way they know how to ground themselves, remind them who they once were (builders, architects.) my personal theory is that they could communicate telepathically, but after the ender dragon took reign all they can hear is static, preventing unity, community, collaboration, ideas. sad :(

[fxrmuladaydreams]

sober realizations (cs55)

carlos x mclaren social media!reader

summary: carlos realizes just what he’s lost and it destroys him

notes: this is the final part to this little series, there will be no more after this

prev part

Carlos could feel the guilt eating away at him, everyday the feeling growing stronger. He can’t help it, not when you look up at him and make his heart do somersaults in his chest with something as simple as your smile.

He enjoys having you near him, close to him, more than he thought he would. He likes feeling you pressed up against him when you sleep, he likes being able to hold you in his arms.

He almost stops breathing when you ask him to make your relationship public. Of course he wants to be able to show you off, to be able to call you his love in front of other people, but he knows that sooner or later the bet will come back to bite him in the ass.

He can feel the disappointment radiating off of you when he tells you that he wants to keep your relationship private. His heart breaks at the frown that rest on your face.

“I want to kiss you in the paddock.” Your words are soft, as if saying them too loud will break an unspoken rule. “I want to be able to kiss you in front of other people, maybe then Lando will stop with the teasing.”

“You want to kiss me in front of Lando?” Carlos tries to lighten the mood, to bring back your smile, and he feels relief when you laugh.

“No, I just want to be able to kiss you whenever I want to. Whether that be in front of Lando or not.”

He wants that too, but he knows kissing in front of Lando will eventually turn into kissing in front of Pierre and Lance.

“I don’t know mi amor.” He sighs. “I don’t want anyone else to ruin what we have.”

He feels bad when you sigh and lean your head back down against his chest, defeated.

He thinks over it in his head. Maybe, maybe it would be okay if you went public. He’d have to talk with Pierre and Lance, make sure that they knew he wanted nothing to do with their bet anymore first, but maybe everything would work out.

He presses a soft kiss to the top of your head, pulling you tighter against his chest. “If you really want to, we can go public.” He says softly.

You quickly lift your head up to look at him, and Carlos thinks the smile on your face is absolutely worth the risk.

Later that night he texts the two boys, making sure they know not to say anything.

To Pierre and Lance

The bet is off. Y/n and I are dating, and I really like her. She can’t find out about it.

They both reply, agreeing to forget the bet even happened.

Everything was going well, the rest of the grid supported their relationship, well Lando was a bit dramatic about it but you could tell he was happy for the couple. Of course there were some not so nice comments from fans on social media, but Carlos had made sure to praise you publicly any chance he had.

Though the two of you were happy as could be, Carlos still couldn’t get rid of the little nagging voice in the back of his head, reminding him of what he’d done to get to this point. It seemed like everyday he was looking at his phone, making sure he, nor Pierre or Lance, had said anything to anyone that might reveal what had happened.

He tried to brush it off whenever you asked him about it, shoving his phone in his pocket and instead just enjoying holding you in his arms.

As time went on the little voice in his head quieted down, to the point where he only thought about the bet once a day.

But it seemed there was a higher power that wanted to build him up, then promptly tear him down, because everything fell apart in Singapore.

Carlos felt like he was on a high he could never come down from. He was the first driver to break the Red Bull winning streak during the season. He was going to her his national anthem on the podium. And he had you by his side to experience the whole thing with him.

He grinned down at you from the top step of the podium, blowing you kiss. He sprayed champagne over you after he’d made sure to soak Lando as well.

After the race he was exhausted. He just wanted to stay in the hotel room with you and celebrate his win privately. His desire to keep you all to himself only grew when he saw you in that damned red dress.

He groans when he sees you, attempting to coerce you into ditching the club and staying in, but you want him to have his shining moment.

He made sure to keep you close to him in the club, afraid you’d get swept up in the crowd and disappear from his sight. He thanks everyone who congratulates him as you make your way through the crowd to the other drivers and WAGS.

“I’ll be right back amor.” He says as he presses a kiss to your cheek, leaving you with Lando to go talk to Pierre and Lance.

The two of them are very clearly celebrating Red Bull’s broken winning streak, throwing back drink after drink after drink. They cheer when Carlos walks up to them, only quieting down when they’re sushed.

“Y/n looks good tonight.” Lance says as he watches you with Lando.

Carlos snaps his fingers in front of his face to pull his attention back to him. “Yes, she looks beautiful. Now it’s very important that you don’t bring up the bet, alright, in fact, don’t even talk to her, ignore her.”

Pierre is about to respond when Carlos feels your arms wrap around his waist. He puts an arm over your shoulders and hopes that you can’t feel his heart beating out of his chest.

“They’re so cute!” Lance coos at you.

“You’ll have a great story for your kids about how you met.” Pierre laughs.

Carlos feels his blood run cold.

He tries to distract you, to pull you away from his two intoxicated friends before his secret begins to unravel, but he’s unsuccessful.

“It was all a bet?” You ask him, turning around with tears in your eyes.

Carlos hates this, he hates that he’s the cause of your pain. He reaches out, to hold you or wipe your tears away he doesn’t know. “Mi amor-”

“Don’t call me that.” You take a defiant step back from him, lulling yourself out of his reach.

Most of what happened next is fuzzy in Carlos’ mind, he was far too overwhelmed with the atmosphere of the club and the thought of you slipping through his fingers. Well, it’s all fuzzy until you question his feelings for you, asking if he had hired the photographer in Spain.

He’s quick to defend himself, telling you that his feelings for you were never fake, and that he would never hire someone to take photos of you like that.

He knows his fate is sealed when you leave him there after pulling cash from your bag and shoving it in his chest. He tries to follow you, to chase after you so he can fall to his knees and beg for your forgiveness, but your words from earlier ring true. People wanted to celebrate Carlos. They pull him in different directions, acting as obstacles between him and you.

When he does finally manage to pull himself outside he practically spins around looking for you in all directions. You left without a trace though. He hates that you left him sure, but he can’t ignore the discomfort in his stomach at the thought of you walking back to the hotel alone at night in the middle of Singapore.

He sprints to his car, and breaks a handful of traffic laws just to get back to the hotel as quick as he can.

He runs to elevator, aggressively pushing the button for it, as if willing it to be faster. He takes quick strides to the door of your shared room.

He opens the door to find you hunched over your open suitcase that rests on the bed, shoving your clothes inside. When you turn back to look at him with your red eyes and tear stained cheeks it feels like someone’s stabbing a knife into his chest.

“Y/n, what are you doing? Where are you going?” He asks, attempting to pull your hands away from your suitcase, kneeling down next to the bed.

“I’m leaving Carlos. I’m going home.” You sniffle.

“The plane doesn’t leave until tomorrow morning.” He says.

“I found a flight that leaves tonight.” You tell him as you continue to shove clothes in your bag.

Carlos notices you’re still wearing your red dress, probably having decided that wearing the dress to the airport is the price you’re willing to pay to leave faster.

“Y/n, please, let me explain-”

“There’s nothing to explain Carlos. You made a bet with a few other drivers that you could get me to fall for you. And it worked. You won.” You sigh.

“But I promise you, I never lied about how I felt.”

“That doesn’t matter Carlos!” You exclaim, exasperated. “You took the bet. The reason you dated me and actually started getting feelings for me was because of a bet. Do you think you would’ve ever actually tried to approach me without the bet?”

He doesn’t answer.

“Exactly.” You sigh. “That bet was the foundation of our relationship. And I can’t live with that.” You zip up your suitcase. “I’m going to leave now, and you’re not going to follow me. Everything will go back to the way it was before. You stay on the Ferrari side of the paddock, and I’ll stay on the McLaren side. We never have to see or talk to each other again. We will go back to no longer existing in each other’s lives.”

“But I want you in mine.” Carlos stands up.

You shake your head. “I don’t want to see you right now Carlos. I don’t know if I’ll ever want to see you again. If you have any respect for me you’ll honor that.”

Carlos let’s his eyes take you in one last time, then gives you a stiff nod.

You leave him there, closing the door behind you before he lets his own tears fall from his eyes.

He become more invisible in the paddock, at least to you. He no longer walks past the McLaren building. He tries to distance himself from your area of the paddock. He becomes just a name on the grid, moving up and down as the races progress.

At the end of the first week you’re surprised to see an Instagram story he’s tagged you in. It’s a black screen with a generic font that writes out

Y/n and I are no longer together. Please respect our privacy, her’s most importantly.

You sigh and set your phone down. Lando sits across from you. He was furious when you told him what happened, promising that he had no idea what was going on. You believed him, and fell into the hug he had offered. Ever since he found out he had been by your side, acting as your guard dog. He was there to snap at paparazzi that tried to ask about the absence of Carlos in your life and yours in his, and keeping an eye out for a figure in red.

“You should just tell them what he did to you.” He suggests one day after a run in with various cameras.

“He’s your friend.” You shake your head.

“No. He’s an idiot. He deserves to face the repercussions of his actions.” He grunts.

You smile and shake your head. “Thank you Lando, but I’m fine.”

He gives you an unconvincing nod.

The truth is, you did start to feel fine after a while. You had grown used to your old routine again, even if a small part of you missed the Spaniard.

Carlos on the other hand was a mess. Everyone at Ferrari could tell. He was starting to become the shell of a person. Staring blankly into space when not in the car, yet driving with an agression they’d never seen from him before.

He did have a serious talk with his publicist and PR team amidst the breakup.

“I want those photos from Spain gone. I know we can’t control what fans post on social media, but I want any new site, any gossip pages to get rid of those photos. I don’t care how much it costs, I want them gone.” He figured that making sure the photos of the two of you on the beach were wiped from publications was just a small step in making things right.

He mostly kept to himself now, and was starting to show visible signs of a lack of care for himself. Dark circles appeared under his eyes, his once always perfect hair now laid flat on his head. Charles tried to coax him into social outings, but Carlos was quick to deny, instead choosing to stay by himself, getting more time in the gym or on the SIM.

Charles had come over to the McLaren building with a look of defeat on his face. Lando trked to shoo him away, claiming that Ferrari drivers were not allowed in the building. You brushed him off, inviting Charles to sit with you.

“How are you doing?” He asks.

You sigh. “I know you’re here to talk about Carlos.”

He nods. “He is not doing well Y/n…”

“Yeah? Well I’m hurt too-”

“No, of course he should be sad, what he did to you was horrible, and I’m sorry.” He tells you. “But he’s starting to look… unhealthy…”

“Unhealthy?”

Charles tells you about Carlos now, his insistence on overworking himself, piled on to his clear lack of sleep. You’d be lying if you said your heart didn’t hurt a little at that.

“I don’t expect you to just forgive him, but maybe talk to him? It could help him turn back into his old self…” Charles shrugs.

“I’ll think about it. Thank you for telling me Charles.” You nod and give him a quick hug before he leaves.

Races go by, and you can’t seem to find the strength to actually seek Carlos out. That is, until the Las Vegas Grand Prix.

It was exciting being in Vegas. You knew that you were going to have a lot of good opportunities to get some good social media content of the boys, but were deflated when you heard that the first free practice session hadn’t even lasted ten minutes.

You were shocked to hear that it was due to Carlos’ car hitting a drain cover, but relieved to hear he was okay.

You hung around the McLaren building waiting for the FIA to decide whether or not to continue with the first free practice, then to eventually start the second free practice. You struggled to keep your eyes open in the early hours of the morning, happy when you could all finally go get some sleep.

The next day the news was announced that Carlos would be facing a ten place grid penalty that resulted from his crash.

Surprised eyes watch you as you carefully step into the Ferrari building. No one stops you when you seem to take calculated steps to the driver’s room’s. You stop outside of Carlos’ room and take a deep breath. It had been a month and a half, surely by now you would be okay seeing him again.

There’s no answer when you knock on the door, but you hear a soft shuffling when you call out his name.

Carlos is just as surprised as everyone else when he peeks out the door and sees you, maybe even more so.

“Y/n… come in.” He steps to the side, opening his door further for you.

You take a few cautious steps inside. He tries to tidy up the small room, quickly throwing his clothes that lay haphazardly on his couch onto the shelf with his spare fireproofs.

You walk over and take a seat on the couch. He does as well, making sure to keep some space between you.

“I’m sorry about practice. And your car.” You say after a few minutes of silence.

“It’s okay.” He sighs.

“No it’s not. It’s not your fault the FIA didn’t properly cover the manholes on the track. It’s not right for them to give you a penalty because of it. You don’t deserve that-” You stop when you notice his staring at you. “I’m rambling, I’m sorry.”

He gives you a small smile. He’d do anything to keep you here rambling away with him. He scoffs shaking his head. “I deserve a lot worse than a ten place grid penalty.”

“It looks like you’ve put yourself through worse recently. You need to take care of yourself Chili.” The nickname surprises the both of you, as does the soft hand to his cheek as you inspect his face.

You pull your hand away when you realize what you’ve done. Carlos immediately misses your warmth.

“I didn’t tell anyone…” You break the silence again.

“You should have.” He replies, looking down at his lap.

You shake your head. “I didn’t want you to have to deal with that out.”

“You’re far too kind to me mi amor.” Again, the term of endearment is accidental, something that wasn’t meant to fall from his mouth. “I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

A knock on his door cuts him off. “Carlos, we need you back in the garage in ten minutes.”

“I should probably go…” You slowly stands up.

“Right.” Carlos clears his throat, standing up as well. “Thank you. For coming by.”

You nod. You walk to the door, but stop, turning back to him. “If you ever want to stop by McLaren, for lunch or something…”

He nods. “I would love to.”

He feels his heart skip as you give him another small smile before leaving. You’ve given him the smallest second chance, but Carlos decides that he’s going to hold onto that and never let it go, because he’ll be damned if he screws this up a second time.

[4channerguy]

HI HI HI HI! I just wanted to ask if you could do a Nagumo fic where he falls in love with reader after they took down someone twice their size with their ridiculous strength. And literally just punched the guy out of fear, they were in a mission with Sakamoto and Rion too but reader got ambushed if that makes sense😪 BASICALLY THAT MITSURI SCENE WHERE SHE'S FIGHTING THAT UPPER MOON AND SMACK THE SHIT OUT OF THE DRAGON TREE THING if you can't do it it's ok thank you for your time :33

scaredy-cat / nagumo

ngl i never expected anyone to actually put smthing in my inbox but thank you!! dear anon!! not the proudest of this fic but i think its a little goofy. sakadays is a fandom where i dont think about a lot but i love nagumo my baby girl!!! also there's not a lot of romantic things in here? i kind of rushed this fic TT also the reader's personality is more like kobeni than mitsuris because i never had really watched demon slayer that much lel i hope you enjoy it :3 xoxo (。・∀・)ノ

wc: 1036

warnings: gender neutral reader, fluff-ish, not much romantic intent but use ur imagination ^_^ xanax mentioned.

you were about to piss your pants. 

your palms were sweaty as you cradled the sheathed sword between your hands. your head was down as you looked at the ground. 

you were in a car with rion, nagumo, and taro. rion was bickering with nagumo in the front seat while taro was sitting quietly in the back with you. taro, being more observant than everyone else, sensed that you were nervous. well, you were always nervous…but he could tell it was more than being nervous. extreme anxiety perhaps. 

“...is everything okay on your end?” he asks. you nod, not being able to form a sentence properly. you were scared out of your wits. 

you were dragged by rion to join her and her crew (nagumo and taro) to a mission that you really, really, REALLY, didn’t want to go on. she bribed you with a pizza bun. out of everything. this trip was not worth a convenience store pizza bun. but you went because rion liked you and was very much your only friend. the other two however, you didn’t know that much except for rumors and whatnot floating around them. taro, was a man of few words. he wasn’t as emotionally interactive but he was kind to you so you didn’t mind. nagumo was an undoubtedly attractive tall man with dark hair and eyes. you only recognize him because he’s a classmate in one of your classes that he only shows up once a month in. you always let him borrow a pen or any weapon on you, and he was very talkative towards you. you had a feeling that he was observing you in class but you didn’t really pay mind to it. he was an assassin–a great assassin, so maybe that feeling was normal. if he weren’t an assassin, he’d make a great model or even an idol. you’d definitely be one of his fans. you were a sucker for pretty men. 

the car swerves to a stop while everyone goes silent (well, taro was always silent anyway). 

“we’re being followed,” rion quietly announces. 

you look cautiously behind you. you could sense a presence even though you didn’t visibly see anyone. you grip your sword even harder, you could feel a pool of sweat forming. rion sighs and pulls out a hidden pistol under her shirt. nagumo pulls out an swiss knife while taro face hardens as he looks behind him. 

“exit slowly,” taro says to no one in particular.

the four of you exit slowly, before any of you could react in time a gust of wind was felt. everyone turned around too late and everyone was thrown in different directions. except for you. for some reason. you were about to seriously throw up. 

“you fell into my trap,” the perpetrator sneers.

you turn around to see…the convenience store man?! you recall the time seeing this huge burly man as you were clumsily knocking everything over before ruining his display of various snacks on the counter. to be fair you were high on caffeine from an all-nighter. you also remember his face when you knocked them down, he looked astonished and angry that you almost wanted to become his employee to pay him back. but you fled out of fear that you would piss him off even more.

yeah, you were going to piss your pants.

luckily, rion swoops you out of the way before the convenience store man striked you.

“i’m really sorry about this, i never knew that this guy had a grudge on you,” she grimaces while pulling you up as she thrown both of you into the tunnel wall. “um…i’ll treat you, again, sorry.” you felt bad but before you could even accept her apology, she grins mischievously. “at least i got you out of your dorm for billions of years!” you retract your acceptance to her apology.

the man charges toward both of you before nagumo and taro block his way pulling out their respective weapons while rion pulls out her gun and shoots. as the three of them were distracted, another perpetrator behind you grabs you by the throat. 

“watch out!” nagumo yells, noticing you while the others swivel back in time with his voice. 

“sorry about this,” the monotone voice says. you turn just in time to see who was doing this to you, a woman with yellow eyes stares at you back. the janitor??? from the convenience store??? you were so, so, so, SO confused at this point. you didn’t inconvenience her (no pun intended) at all. possibly. who knows. it didn’t matter anymore anyway because you pulled out your sword and slashed her face because you were terrified. an automatic reflex that you had ever since you became an assassin.

the woman falls back in surprise and in shock as she looks up at you. a large gash on her face appears.

you were surprised too because you totally forgot you did that.

rion, nagumo, and taro were surprised (well only taro was because nagumo had a weird smile on his face while rion’s face was a mix between taro’s and nagumo’s expression).

the convince store man charges at you as the others were gawking at you, you even more terrified punch the shit out of the man with closed eyes. 

he crashes upon the tunnel wall as the others look at him in amazement and amusement. nagumo was really staring at you now, intensely trying to make eye contact with you as you looked away from this whole thing while walking briskly to the car. you needed xanax.

the car ride back to the school was quiet, but you could tell that they were somehow telepathically talking about you. you shrink into the car seat. when the car is pulled to a stop and everyone gets out, you’re stopped by nagumo as the other two walk ahead of you. he smiles with closed eyes practically copying the “^_^” emote. 

“that was amazing, i knew there was something more to you!” he pats your arm as you slightly flush. “see you around, [reader].”

you could feel your heart beat even faster than the time where you punched the shit out of that guy. 

⋆｡𖦹 °✩ 02.24.24 , do not repost or translate my content :^)

[nomoreusername]

Barely Holding On

Pairing:Newt x female reader

Summary:When Newt finds you hurting yourself he goes from angry to looking after and comforting you.

⚠️ Self harm ⚠️

I don't feel normal. I don't feel like I can do as much as anyone else. I don't feel good enough. I just feel so empty, so absolutely worthless. It's as though I'm a ticking time bomb ready to explode and hurt everything around me at any moment.

I don't want to do that. I don't want to be frustrated all the time. I don't want to always wonder if there's something particular messed up in my head. I just want everything to finally feel alright. Not even good. Just normal. Just okay.

I never do. Sure. Sometimes I feel nonchalant or happy when something good happens, but it never lasts.

I didn't bother to try to get clean. Nobody even notices so it doesn't matter anyway. Not only that but when they heal they itch until all I can think about is the cuts littering my skin.

I was supposed to be hanging out with Chuck. I said I would spend Greenie night with him. I want to. I do. I do want to be out there with him, with the Gladers, with my few friends, having a carefree time. I thought I would be able to.

I wasn't. I barely got halfway through the evening before my head kept reminding me that there's a knife waiting for me back under my cot.

"I don't feel very good,"I told him. It isn't even a lie. If I don't cut in the next few minutes, I'm going to start hyperventilating. I need it. I just do. I don't want to, but if I don't get it everything will be ruined.

"But you said-"

"I'll see you tomorrow. Probably. I have to leave though,"I rushed out, standing up before he could actually question me. Resisting the urge to sprint, I kept my hands in my pockets as I walked to my hut. Even though every single foot feels like a million miles I can't be suspicious. I can't, I can't, I can't.

With my heart racing inside of my chest, I didn't dare let my body weigh itself down. My feet need to move. Every part of me needs to move. Every part of me is frozen while also being on autopilot. Absolutely none of it makes sense, but it also does. It does to me. To my messed up brain, all of this is logical.

Bursting into my hut, I was shaking as I slammed the door shut. Ignoring the way I could hardly see through the tears clouding my vision or maybe too messed up to actually notice, I forced my feet one after the other to my cot.

Leaning over, I didn't even have to look to know exactly where the knife was placed. Gripping the handle firmly, I pulled it out from its hidden in plain sight place. You can't really see it when you're in my room, but it's always there. Once you know it is, it takes up more space than any other object, even me.

As I held it the tears just seemed to stop. Everything inside of me stopped. Something in me went cold, almost dark. Numb. It was just numb.

Pulling up my sleeves, I revealed the rows of growing cuts and scars. It started monthly, but now it seems to grow daily. It's taken over my life. Sometimes I realize that, but when I'm doing it some part of me doesn't know anything at all.

Dragging it across one of the few areas that was untouched by darkness, I watched as the blood dripped down my skin. It's as though this is all happening in third person, as if it's not even me doing this anymore.

The sting takes longer to set in now. I think I'm adjusting to the pain or something. That means I either have to either cut longer or deeper. Not enough to die. I don't want to die. I just need my mind to calm down. That's all this is. This is my only hope left of actually holding on.

As I crossed over a fresh cut I winced. Realizing that was the ticket to pain, I went over that spot again and again. By now the shouts of the Gladers and yells of happiness were tuned out. Everything is. Everything but the pain and the blood.

Tears started to fall as the self loathing came back. I could be out there, fulfilling my promise. Instead, I've locked myself in here to cut. It's so messed up. It's all wrong. I'm wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong!

I hate this. I hate this, but it's the only way to keep stable. It's killing every part of me, but if I don't do this I'll genuinely lose it. I can't lose it. I can't. Not here. This is better than the alternatives. It's better, and it's fine, and nobody will know.

"Y/N?"Newt asked, knocking on my door. As I was brought back to reality I slowly looked at the damage.

It had fallen down my arms, getting crimson drops on my pants. There were blood splatters on the ground. My actual wrist was more of a mess than my head. You could hardly see my skin through all the blood.

"Y/N?"

"Don't come in,"I choked out, letting the knife clank to the floor.

"Are you okay?"

"Go away,"was all I could get out as I shoved it as far under my bed as possible. Frantically tugging my sleeves up, I was shaking as the blood dripped through. Wiping my eyes, I desperately looked around for something to fix it. Something to cover the disaster.

"Are you okay-"

"Leave me alone!"I demanded, my voice unsteady and unsure.

"What's happeni-"

"Leave!"I screamed louder, attempting to wipe my sleeves against my pants only to get the stain to spread. Sitting back on my bed, I kept pathetically continuing the act anyways, running out of options.

"I'm coming in-"

"No!"

Ignoring my protests, he opened my door to see me sitting there, my feet over the edge of the bed and my long sleeves stained with blood. As he just stood there in shock the door closed on his own behind him, leaving us there with nothing but my self destruction.

"I-I can't-"

"What is wrong with you?"He asked slowly, the situation seeming to sink in.

"I-I don't-"

"No seriously? What is wrong with you? You're supposed to be out there, with everyone? How are you in here? How?"

"I didn't mean-I'm sor-"

"No! How could you?! I have asked if you are okay! I have been worried about you, and you always say you're fine! Every! Damn! Time!"

With the tears streaking my face, I unconsciously dug my nails into the little bit of my exposed skin, ripping into the cuts.

"You've said you're okay! You said everything was fine but you're in here doing this! For how long?! How bloody long?!"

With sobs leaving the back of my throat, my nails dug deeper into my fresh wound as I started shaking. This wasn't what I wanted. It wasn't.

"Do you think this is fine?! Do you think this is okay?! Do you think it's fine to sit in the dark and cut yourself?! Do you?!"

Frantically shaking my head, I cried harder as I sputtered out weak apologies. Despite this I seemed physically incapable of pulling my nails from my cuts. I just clawed at myself as all the emotions hit me like a tidal wave.

"I'm sorry, love,"He said gently, everything about him suddenly seeming soft. Mumbling incoherent things, I buried my face in my hands. "It's okay. It's okay,"He coaxed, sitting in front of me. Cautiously taking my hands, he pulled them away from him and into his.

"I'm sorry,"I got out.

"It's okay. I promise. I'm not really mad at you. I just didn't expect this. I didn't know you were struggling this badly."

"I'm sorry,"I repeated, physically incapable of saying anything else.

"I'm not angry. I just didn't know you were doing this. I didn't know you were feeling this bad, and I panicked. I love you. I really do,"He whispered.

"I didn't know what else to do. Every part of me feels wrong. Something inside of me is broken, Newt. Truly broken,"I admitted through shaky breaths.

"You aren't broken, Y/N. You're hurting, but you aren't broken. You are full of good. You're full of amazing things, and I'm sorry you can't see that. I'm sorry you thought this was your only way to feel okay,"He whispered, lacing his fingers through mine.

"I don't want to be this way. I don't, but it seems to be all I know. In only a few months, this became everything that I am,"I admitted.

"It isn't all you are though. Just because you're doing something you shouldn't, just because you found something negative and mistook it for coping, doesn't mean it's everything that you are. You are an incredible human who has done nothing but make this place better. There's a reason Chuck was so excited to hang out with you tonight. There's a reason Minho likes to stop and say hi to you before he leaves. There's a reason I love you. You're brilliant, and you deserve better than what you're giving yourself,"He whispered, cupping my face. Wiping my tears away, he looked at me with nothing less than sympathy, undeniable pain, and pure love.

"I never thought it would get this far,"I murmured.

"I'm sure you didn't. That doesn't mean we won't figure it out though,"He coaxed, a bittersweet smile on his lips.

"Every part of me is exhausted. I'm just so drained,"I admitted. Still wiping my tears, he nodded in understanding.

"Then, we'll sleep it off right now. We're gonna go to sleep, I'm gonna hold you, and we'll figure it all out in the morning. Okay?"

"Yes. Okay,"I agreed.

With me still in his arms, we laid down. Pulling my sleeve up, he took my one without the new injuries and pressed his lips to my scars. Shutting my eyes, I let the tears fall down my face as he kissed the ruined parts of me.

"I'll love you forever. I've loved you for so long, and I love you now. No matter how you may see yourself, I will always see you as the most amazing person, the kindest human, and the most beautiful girl in the world,"He whispered.

Cuddling up as close as I could without closing my arms, I rested my head on his chest. Kissing my temple, he whispered sweet nothings until I dozed off.

♡ - - - ♡

When I woke up the next morning it was in Newt's arms. He had still been carefully holding me. He had been wide awake, looking after me.

We left before anyone could see. He snuck me into the Med-hut so he could fix me up. He wiped my cuts, old and new. He kissed my skin and told me it would be okay. He disinfected my arms and wrapped them in bandages.

The thing that stuck out most was that he had given me his bracelets. He told me that whenever I thought I needed to hurt myself but couldn't find him, to look at these and remember that I will never be alone. He made sure they would stay.

He understandably hadn't left me alone today. He was by my side, making sure I wasn't a current danger to myself. He didn't do anything big which only made me more grateful for him. He kept a subtle eye on me, smiling whenever he met my gaze, holding my hand when he was able to, and whispering reassuring words in my ear.

Alby needed him for a moment. Something about a Second-in-command duty.

"Will you be okay for a minute, love?"He checked.

"I will,"I promised.

"Okay. I'll be back soon,"He promised, kissing my temple before going to see what he needed.

Getting back to planting the seeds, I made sure the dirt was firmly packed.

"It seems like he's just obsessed with you today,"Someone drew out. Looking up, I saw James. He wasn't known for kind words so needless to say him speaking to me randomly was a red flag.

"He's just being loving,"I said quickly, about to chew the inside of my cheek before catching myself. Looking at the bracelets, I smiled for a second.

"His bracelets, huh?"

"Yep. They were just a gift,"I muttered, standing up so that he was no longer towering over me.

"Really? Let me see?"

"No!"I said quickly as he grabbed my wrist. Wincing at the contact his hand made, I held it to my chest as a sound of pain left my mouth. While it was only for a second, it was enough for him to notice. That and I had almost yelled, catching some nearby bystanders attention.

"Oh, I get it,"He smirked.

"Leave me alone,"I demanded.

"He wants to make sure you don't hurt yourself, doesn't he?"He guessed, trying to pull the bracelet off again. Keeping my arms pressed to my sides, I repeated for him to just leave me alone as I willed myself not to cry in front of everyone. I can't. I won't.

"Awe. You gonna go hurt yourself again?"

"What do you think you're doing?"a familiar and now cold voice asked. Looking back, I saw Newt walking up before standing beside me, his eyes narrowed and arms crossed over his chest.

"Chill. I was just joking,"He defended, his hands in his air.

"No. That was you being a prick. Nothing more, nothing less,"He corrected.

"But-"

"Come with me. Now,"He demanded, his voice calm yet furious.

"I didn't-"

"Now,"He repeated even firmer. Realizing there was no way out of it, he followed Newt past the gardens. Looking back, he made sure he was still going. When he was, he led him in front of the pit. "In, now,"He commanded, opening one of them and gesturing him inside.

"But-"

"Did I say it was up for debate? Get inside. Right. Now,"He repeated.

Once again realizing he couldn't actually get out of punishment, he hopped inside, his head down and face hidden in shame. The second he hit the ground he slammed it shut and tied it tighter than I think it's ever been. Even from here, I could see his jaw clenched.

When he was sure it was alright he walked away, his head held high. Standing beside me again, he grabbed my hand as if nothing happened.

"Come on. Let's go on lunch,"He suggested. Nodding my head, I intertwined our fingers as I kept myself pressed against him, ignoring the way my face heated up.

Heading over to the kitchen, he asked Fry if we could get our food early. With a smile and no questions, he served us, giving a polite nod.

Taking both the bowls, he led me a little bit into the Deadheads. By now everyone was back to their previous activities, not wanting to pry on whatever that was.

Sitting beside him, I rested my head on his shoulder as he handed me my bowl. Knowing that all I wanted right now was silence and his company, he let us do nothing but eat and savor the others presence, exactly the way I needed.

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Hold on something's just hit me.

If everyone in the Plex were to believe that Gregory dropped Cassie at the end of Ruin to keep himself from being found, whether he did it or not, wouldn't that make Roxy to one most able to understand him?

As Mimic's guard dog, surely she would know the lengths you have to go through to keep that fucker trapped. A whole team of Raceway construction workers went straight to their deaths down there. Roxy won't let the Raceway be repaired and re-opened in order to keep people safe. She's probably been able to see Mimic and its victims through the floor this entire time, she knows what it can do and what it's done, even if she doesn't know the full extent of it.

She's willing to sacrifice her Raceway and Salon to keep people from finding Mimic. Her pride and joys, basically her whole reason for being built in the first place. They're not worth the risk to her.

Whether Gregory sacrificed Cassie to keep Mimic trapped or not, surely Roxy would realise some sort of similarity. She may think doing that to Cassie was too far, she may think he's a monster for even considering it and she may feel as though nothing could justify what he did... But there's a part of her that gets it. The absolute terror that comes at the slightest possibility that Mimic could escape. She gets that sacrifices have to made, fuck she's made those sacrifices herself. She would never have sacrificed someone for this, that's why she ran headfirst at Mimic instead of just sealing the exits again, but there could be that tiny little part of her that feels the need to constantly to remind her that Gregory was trying to do the same thing she was.

The key difference here, is that if Gregory had done it, it would fall in line with almost everything else we've seen him do. The sacrifices he makes, are of other people, and not himself. He sacrificed Roxy, Chica and Monty to upgrade Freddy for his safety and possibly the safety of Vanessa. If he also dropped Cassie, then he's once again sacrificing someone else for the sake of his own safety. Not like he has that much else to lose, but I'm drawing comparisons here.

Roxy on the other hand, sacrifices herself. She sacrificed her Raceway and her Salon for the benefit of both herself and others. Unlike Gregory finding himself in a hopeless situation and hurting others to get out of it, Roxy was given this job (probably) and chose to give up what little she has in the world to keep the situation from happening. Even when Cassie deactivates her and ends up face to face with Mimic, Roxy jumps straight at it to buy her time to escape which could have easily killed her.

So now you have Roxy, who unfortunately does understand Gregory's choice to drop Cassie (if she believes he did it which yeah she probably does) but has absolutely no sympathy for him. She couldn't care less about him. There's potentially a fearful little voice in her head that she's the same as Gregory that fuels her anger towards him even more. She hasn't ever sacrificed someone else to keep the Mimic at bay and she's been doing it for fuck knows how long, what gives Gregory a free pass? Maybe if he hadn't stolen her fucking eyes she would have been able to stop the whole thing from getting that far anyway!

I'm not saying this to frame Gregory as a villain or anything. I don't think he dropped Cassie and I still think it was entirely Freddy's fault for what happened to the others in SB. I just think this is interesting from a character stand point. The one person that could understand the choices they've made to keep Mimic from escaping is each other, but they're both too hateful of each other for it to affect anything... If they were ever to settle their differences, I think it would have to start here. The only common ground they share, is the one thing no one else does.

But Gregory didn't even fucking do it so I bet that goes well lmao

[azulsluver]

Twisted Tales In The Dark

A Grave For Two        Halloween event! 

tw: yandere, being buried alive, gore in general, graphic violence, major character deaths, decapitation, use of UM, body horror.

❥ featuring the five grave keepers; Riddle, Trey, Cater, Ace, Deuce.

On the edge of consciousness, you are barely able to move a muscle. You don’t think you were breathing at the moment but everything felt cramped, mind scrambled and fuzzy. Not even a moment to consider your surroundings as soon as panic took over. Hands thrust forward to have your palms slammed against a solid barrier, kicking frantically as you struggle to call for help.

Your body is incredibly sore and In pain, the beating of your heart doesn’t stop as you try to feel what's around you. You try to calm down the burning sensation frazzling your mind; you let your fingers push upwards. Testing the weight and pressure you’re surprised to see how old and light the thing blocking you was. With all of your weak kicking and pushing did some damage at least, you tried once more with a sense of hope. As small as whatever place you were trapped in, you had enough room to bend your knees before kicking upwards.

A light dims from the cracked wood you busted, illuminating moonlight as your source of sight. To your accusations, there was no dirt or any heavy object on top of your…casket? Shivering in adrenaline, sweat rolls off your forehead as you kick once more to break the whole lid off. It didn’t take long before it went flying out from a final blow, pushing yourself back down as a reward for a job well done.

Fog oozes down to where you lay, the sky is gloomy and protected by a sort of glassware. The air is now cooler and lively, but the smell of earthy plants and such forces you to stand up. With wobbly legs and tired limbs, you look around to make sure no one has seen you emerge from the grave. There are many tombstones and lighted Jack-o-lanterns in odd areas. Speaking of odd, your casket is isolated from everything else, hidden by many grown trees and unique plants you haven’t seen before. The area is spacious and you’re lulled into the scenery of a very beautiful botanical garden. You know the place isn’t familiar, however, trying to remember what took place before. Making out the party lights, drinks, and something about a book.

Taking the time to sit under a tree away from open areas, you think until your brain blows out from your ear. Your mind makes up imagery of the book one of your friends held, old yet well kept, the deep royal purple of the cover and the cursive writing. You knew something was fishy with it, with all the cool and scary stories in it you brushed off the fact it had a whole summoning spell. Groaning, you kick your feet in anger at the situation. How unlucky were you? You didn’t mean to walk in the middle of it, nor did you mean to grab the book from flying across the room. The book.

“OH MY GOD, THE BOOK.” You slapped a hand over your mouth. Looking left and right to see if anyone heard you.

“Did you hear that?”

“It sounded like it came from over there.”

You hurriedly stand up from your spot and find a bushy area, careful to not let any branch snag on your clothes. Laying low, you move some of the leaves to create a little peaking hole, sucking your breath and leaning forward. Two men dressed in black attire come into view.

“This wasn’t here before...Where have those thieves gone?” The one crouching down to inspect the ruined casket spoke, it was hard to see his face behind the veil but his hair was some shade of blue.

Taking in their figure, you try not to gawk at the sudden realization of the two. The first story to be read is of terrifying grave keepers, a group of foolish youngsters who had decided to enter a forbidden and cursed graveyard. And now they’re in front of you, wearing an outfit so fashionable you felt a little jealous.

“Maybe Cater buried someone here, although it is supposed to be under the earth where it belongs… That ghostie could now be roaming these graves, best we hurry and find those pests before they ruin anything else.” The man beside him rants, tapping his chin before grabbing his companion by the arm.

You stay there for a bit before making sure they were far from where you were. Hearing the two bicker in the distance. Pounding your fist underneath you in annoyance, you quickly got up to your feet and dusted off your clothes. If you wanted to find a way out you needed to understand what you were dealing with. Five grave keepers aren’t exactly friendly to the living, you can recall the book mentioning something about two trespassers entering the solemnly haunted graveyard. As alluring as it is you couldn’t help but scoff at their wrongdoing by ignoring the warning signs. They were gonna die sooner or later.

Now you thought of it, they were gonna die. Brutally attacked and buried against their will, chills ran down your spine. Was it possible to save these two from their demise?

“AUGH gotta put me first.” Clenching a fistful of your hair in frustration, you look at the floor thoughtfully. Your hands grip the soft patches of grass and pull, dirt and bits flying and dirtying your hands furthermore. You take a fistful of dirt and smear it on your face, making sure your clothes have the same treatment. 

If you wanted to stay alive you needed a plan. Find the two trespassers and pretend to be a ghost wanting to help them escape. That way maybe they would have a clue about a book! God, you’re so smart. Patting yourself on the back, you wonder if you should still hide away from the grave keepers. Would they be fooled by your silly plan? Maybe if you acted more stupid and have no clue what you were doing there would work, the risk has you rethinking your plan once more. Moving along the shadows of the trees and plants, you take the time to scout and admire the scenery. Trying your best to ignore the large piles of dirt stacked on top of each other, it’s best to not think of it if you prioritize your sanity. You followed a path that led to a small bridge before seeing a gate decorated with many jack-o-lanterns up ahead.

You thought about dashing for it but the fact you would have nowhere else to go, you didn’t want to die from starvation or getting recklessly killed by any other monster. To make matters worse you just remembered they locked the doors ever since they were alerted of trespassers.

“Stupid people…” Grumbling under your breath, you snap your head at the sound of voices coming from behind an isolated shack. 

You were so ready for this, crouching and sneaking over to a hidden area to see what the bickering was about now. You only recognize the two you saw earlier, ginger and blue hair. But now there were two more, one taller than the rest while holding a shovel. The other one beside him was seen bending down and arguing with the two. It was getting a little annoying since you don’t know their names, the book never mentioned any names.

“No I didn’t bury anything over there, why don’t you stop worrying about that and find those thieves eh?” Such sass, the blonde-haired one flicked the blue-haired on the forehead. For killers, they act so regularly as humans that it makes you reconsider the actual danger.

“Come on, Riddle would kill us before we can find them. And I don’t know about you guys but I like my head very much, see, pretty nice looking.” The ginger flexes his head weirdly before getting a pinch from his friend beside him. “This is a serious matter, I don’t like the fact a random casket appeared out of nowhere and we looked over the place. Riddle wouldn’t be happy if he found out some ghost decided it was a good idea to break their casket.” The blue-haired looks down in defeat, squatting down to dramatically sigh.

“Deuce has a point. Now we don’t have just two humans alive but three, how troublesome~” Sweat starts to pick up on you again, they know you’re alive and out there. Biting the inside of your cheek, you lean more to hear the conversation better.

“Maybe.” The one with green hair finally talked. His voice is soothing, scaringly.

“Maybe they're here right now. With us.”

Their heads are in sync as they look toward your direction, even with their veils on you can feel their eyes staring straight at you. Feeling your heart quickening, you bite down a gasp and slowly back away. Impressive, but you were so sure you stayed hidden. As you were backing up something solid stopped you from moving any further, looking up to see a pair of green eyes staring down at you; and a smile you wouldn’t consider friendly. You open your mouth to scream but only small puffs of air escape. Seemingly shocked in fear of what might happen to you next.

“Hey! I didn’t see you coming from the front, are you that person who made a mess breaking open that casket?” You weren’t sure if you should speak up, not like you could at the moment, and gave him a quick nod. “My goodness, aren’t you a mess. I can’t tell if you were tagging along those thieves or are you..” His nose touches yours and breathes quicken at the smell of dirt and covered perfume. “Not from here?” His question made your teeth clench tightly, deathly afraid to be honest or lie your way out of there. Your ghost plan is clearly out of the window so you can only think of one scenario before the rest come into view to see you more closely.

“I don’t know where I am. The last thing I remembered was…being forced into a casket and waking up here, I didn’t mean to trespass on your graveyard! I-I don’t even remember my name or–” “So you died?” Your eyes widened and looked up at the one speaking, his yellow eyes stare into yours for any sign of a lie. “If you can’t remember your name nor why you were here, you must have died. We’re not alive ourselves yet this botanical garden helps us maintain a soil body.” He crouches down to your level, ignoring everyone else around him as he picks up your hand. “We can easily crush the bones of our victims. For someone dead, your body heat is warm.” His hand tightens around your fingers, and you let out a cry in pain and flinch away from his grasp.

“Aw, that’s not very nice. Don’t be so mean to them Trey, I’ve never seen a more docile human, and to top it off one who’s not from here.” Cater wraps his arms around you, grinning from ear to ear as “Trey” sighs and pushes his glasses up. The other two who were observing finally spoke up.

“What should we do with them? Release them?” Deuce questions, his face softening at the sight of your squirming. “Or we can bury them. Trey did say they had body heat so they couldn’t be dead! And I don’t wanna know what Riddle would do to them, he’s merciless when it comes to the living.” 

Cater hums before casually laying his cheek on your head, considering the ginger's idea. “Mmm, but they’re so cute! I’m sure Riddle wouldn’t mind a new fresh of air once in a while, they can help us lure those thieves into our hands and maybe that’ll prove their worth!” Cater seems more interested in the idea of keeping you, nerving your feelings as they didn’t view you as a person. Sort of.

You sit in silence while rubbing your hands together, soothing the pain by ignoring everything around you. You felt like a lost cause, your life on the line of being alive but sooner or later, killed. You’re a little flattered that they're merciful to you, yet you can’t bring yourself to be called lucky knowing you're in the hands of cold-blooded killers. You didn’t want to die.

“Are you listening?” Eyes expanding slightly, you turn your attention back to the men who wait in silence for your response. “Easily spaced out kind of type huh? No worries, if you wanna stay alive ghostie you needa follow our rules!” Cater who was still holding onto you stands up abruptly, taking you along with him. You make a noise of understanding.  “Good. So all you have to do is find those two thieves, kay? Lead them at the front of the gates so we can take care of the rest, if you do a good job we might let you live a little longer.” Was it just you or did your soul evaporate into the air?

Nodding your head furiously, you’re finally free from his hold, stumbling while you’re at it. “Well, that’s our plan. Don’t disappoint us cutie.” You take off, not taking a chance to look back.

.

.

.

It took some time but you finally found the two, dirtied and fear written on their face. Must have been running from the so-called boss around the place, “Riddle.” You weren’t sure what was around their neck, being the first thing you saw in their appearance; it looks pretty if it weren’t for the fact they were struggling to breathe from it. They panicked at first from seeing you, screaming bloody murder as if you were a ghost. You quickly hushed them, staying a good six feet apart to help them calm down at least. Not knowing if you should proceed with the plan or help them get out, you’re not a monster after all but you didn’t want to die so soon.

“Hear me out alright? You know the gate up at the front right, well it’s locked and I don’t have a key.” You’ll try to stall some time, it’s the least you can do. “A key? Didn’t that redhead have a key dangling on his waist?” The man spoke, looking over at his friend who nods in agreement. Great, you have some good information but you needed more.

“Say, um. I don’t think the key is used for the front gate. Before we sneaked in here I overheard a conversation about a ritual contained inside the shack at the front, and the key was used to go through another dimension.” The lady pipes up, wanting to fill in the details of what the key is originally used for. The shack is near the front of the entrance, where you saw the grave keepers and their plan to eliminate the two. Swallowing thickly, you grab the two by the hand to whisper an idea. You may have failed the first but this time it has to work.

Even if they didn’t know there was a high chance they can die

You soon knew them by the name of Jamie and Mason, both idiots trapped in a garden. You recall in the book that Jamie would’ve died first, being found by one of the grave keepers and having her head dismembered from her body, mason soon followed instead and was buried alive. You’re not sure if you can save Jamie from her fate, the collar around her neck looks impossible to take off.

Time was ticking and you knew you didn’t have much before they suspected your betrayal. you were left with Jamie while Mason left to find Riddle, he was surprisingly quick when coming up with a booby trap; an area full of colorful plants had some sort of poison that’ll leave the body paralyzed. You leave Jamie hidden, a bloody hand has been pierced by a small pocket knife she had. Probably not worth the experience but it’s better than nothing.

“Fuck, it hurts.” Mumbling, you clutch your hand to your chest and search around the shack to see if the grave keepers were still present.

“That looks nasty, didn’t know they were the type to fight back.” You bite down on your tongue from screaming, an angry expression towards the ginger who smiles at you.

“Yikes! What happened to you?” Carter pops up from behind you, leaning against you to take a better look at your wound. “They thought I was a ghost and stabbed my hand as soon as they saw me. I saw them run towards the south not too far from here. They were trying to get a key.” That seems to get them serious, their posture changing as each grabs their shovel.

A hand pats the top of your head before leaving. “Deucey will help you clean up the wound, we won’t take long so make sure not to push yourself too hard. We’ll make sure to take care of those baddies from causing any further harm.” Cater gives you a quick smooch on the cheek, causing your face to heat up from the sudden affection. He is awful!

Deuce gently gets a hold of your hands and inspects the wound, he parts away from the rest of the group to get something for you. Your leg starts to jump up and down in anxiousness, hoping Mason did what he needed to make this plan go smoothly. Deuce didn’t take long before returning, in his hands was a first aid kit.

“I found this in a stash, whenever we captured trespassers we made sure to separate any values from them.” You try not to make a face of disgust and fear, but you failed miserably, by the way, your body tenses. “I’m sorry.”

“Huh?” Deuce continues you wrap your hand in clean bandages, his fingers fiddling with yours. “I know you’re not exactly comfortable at the look of us, you don’t have to hide it. I’m not even sure why we're keeping you alive exactly, Riddle wouldn’t allow it no matter how much we insist. I’m not sure why I’m being so gentle with a trespasser, don’t think I’m picking favorites here.” His voice is bellowing a whisper, he cups his gloved hands and brings yours to his face; you flinch from the sudden coldness.

“It’s been so long since I’ve had this close of contact with a living, to feel of course.” He sighs dreamily, sinking into the warmth of your hands. “Your hands…They’re so warm. Makes me a little jealous knowing I’m not alive. But,” He leans close to you, his nose bumping into yours as Cater did, a look of adoration in his bright cyan eyes. “The living won’t live for any longer, you’ll soon rot under the earth's core. Worry not, I’m sure the gang wouldn’t mind building you a special casket, that way you can join us.” You grunt as he pulls you closer to him, the unhinged expression of his eyes squinting and his smile unnerving. Your eyes are looking over his shoulder in panic, seeing Jamie creeping closer to the two of you with a shovel in hand.

“You’ll lose your warmth but not you’re sweetness, It gets kinda boring seeing the same people every day, besides the dead of course. And you’ll look so lovely in your casket, we’ll make sure to put the loveliest flowers on top!” You tear your grip away from Deuce as Jamie swings, a loud thud and crack following along his fall. Heaving, Jamie hugs you tightly before checking your hand. You can’t seem to tear your eyes away from Deuce, blood seeping down his forehead and into the earth's soil.

Jamie grabs your arm to drag you in the direction the grave keepers went, wanting to waste no time. Your legs finally found the courage to run, moving through branches and leaves as you made it to your destination. A smile crept its way up to your lips to see four grave keepers struggling on the floor. Luckily they weren’t facing your way when Mason had the key in his hand; a scarf was wrapped around his face, assuming it was used to not breathe into the fumes. 

“Quick, I don’t think the fumes would do much before they gain control of their bodies, catch!” Mason throws the key at you, the ruby gem sparkling under the moonlight. Catching it with your uninjured hand, you ignore the way Cater and Trey stare at your fleeing form. Your lungs burn and screamed, the air has suddenly gone cold and fog has covered most of the area. Your body slams against the shack's door, hands fumbling to unlock it.

“OFF WITH YOUR HEAD.” 

You turn your head to look behind you, Jamie. Jamie’s head slides off her neck, a clean cut as blood spurts uncontrollably. You couldn’t find the energy to scream, but your eyes bulge from their sockets at the sight of your new friend. Mason tackles Riddle down onto the floor, you can see the rest of the grave keepers creeping closer.

“GO, HURRY UP, AND GO,” Mason yells out to you, snapping you out of your trance of horror as the door clicks. You cover a hand over your mouth to surpass your cries, bursting the door open and slamming it shut. Before you closed it you made eye contact with Mason, half of his face is torn from his skin as he’s consumed by the rest. Ripped to shreds, and will forever be engraved in your mind.

Wobbly legs walking towards a large mirror, the swirls looked unreal as your fingers touch the transparent glass. Your body slowly feels sluggish as your sense of hearing blocks the world. You can’t hear the pounding of the door. Or how Cater yells for you. You made it out alive, but at what cost? Was it worth it, knowing you had left two to die?

You can only hope they were buried, next to each other. A casket for two.

[crazyk-imagine]

The Doctor’s Friend

Pairing: James T. Kirk x Fem!reader, Leonard “Bones” McCoy x Fem!reader (platonic)

Characters: James T. Kirk, Leonard “Bones” McCoy, Fem!reader, Daisy and Sandy (Reader's old roommates) Warnings: This has been in my drafts for a bit, it makes no sense and doesn’t at the same time, Kirk is dumb but nice, he tries honestly, Bones’ wants his bestie to work with him, we bring up Kirk’s whore past, Kirk could have been a lot worse, this is so bad it’s good Word Count: 834

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You roll your eyes, knowing why he (the he being your oldest friend [and idiot] Leonard) didn't tell you who it was that called you aboard. "Seriously?!" You spin around to face him. "You couldn't tell me who it was that wanted me to join his crew?" 

James interrupts, quite literally stepping in between the two of you. He smiles while doing so, lowering his hand as he stands in front of you. 

You shake your head, "no." 

"Why?” He sounds offended (which would have made you laugh; had you not been pissed off). “I haven't even said anything." 

You turn around, walking forward. "It's better that way." 

"Do you know who I am or something?" 

You nod. "Or something. Now, go away. And don’t talk to me, Leonard." 

James glances back over at his friend. 

The doctor rolls his eyes and gestures for the captain to follow after you. 

He jogs towards you, holding his hands so you don’t run into him and to prevent you from running away. "So, you said we kind of know each other.” 

Your expression doesn’t change. 

“Oh," he sucks air in between his teeth. "Did we-" 

"Bye." You spin around him and walk away, regretting everything that lead up to you officially talking to the idiotic captain. 

"Hey- hey. Wait!" He runs to follow you. 

"Nope." 

He holds his hands in front of him, stopping you from moving (again). “We’re going to talk about why you hate me so much so I can hopefully persuade you into joining my crew because let’s face it. If Bones is saying you’re good, then I gotta say. I kind of believe him and want you to join.” 

You sigh, “you’re the reason I couldn’t graduate with everyone else.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Not the mention the fact that you slept with my roommates and broke their hearts.” 

“Okay, okay. I’m going to need to stop you right there so you can explain to me everything I’ve,” he sighs, shoulders sagging low. “Messed up so bad to make you hate me.” 

“You decided to run through the court one day and bumped into me, ruining my project that was worth- that part’s not important.” 

His eyebrows jerk up at your comment. 

“The point is, you ruined my project, and I wasn’t able to do anything about it because the professor didn’t care. His words actually were, “not my problem” and I failed the class so, thank you for that.” 

“That part I get, which I am sorry for but- uh- why do you hate me about my past with your roommates?” 

“You gave them the “night of their lives” and they wanted more. I mean, that was before you went from Daisy to Sandy. They hated each other for weeks and they kept moaning and groaning about it to me.” You whine. 

He covers his mouth to keep him from laughing. 

“Don’t snicker.” 

“I’m not,” he argues. 

“You are. See this is why I never wanted to talk to you, you don’t take these things seriously.” You take a step forward. 

He stops you once again. “No, look. I am, I really am sorry, but you haven’t spoken to your roommates since graduation, right?” 

“No.” 

“And, needing another semester or a year, made you want to do even better so you could show people how smart you are.” 

You shrug, ignoring his gaze. “I guess.” 

“What I’m hearing is, me coming into your life, was a little bit of a good thing.” 

“Yeah, no. I can’t do this.” 

He takes note of the small crack of a smile that clearly wants to tug at the corner of your lips. “I think you can. I think, I’m rubbing off on you.” 

“That’s not true.” 

“See,” he points the clear smile stretching across your lips. “That right there, tells me you like me. Maybe you could even get used to me enough to come aboard, work with my crew and I?” 

You take a deep breath and stop. 

He bumps into a passer byer, quickly offering an apology. 

“I will… go against every fiber in my body and say…” 

“Yes?” 

“I agree to work with your crew.” 

“And me?” 

“Don’t push it.” 

“Okay.” 

You two walk back towards the doctor (who thanks all and any god that answered his prayers). “How about we go on an “I’m sorry I ruined your life but actually made it better” date?” 

“Don’t push it,” you say and run towards Leonard. 

“Glad to see you two didn’t kill each other.” 

“Shut up.” 

“Now can we go get that drink? I need it after watching you two, do whatever that was.” 

You narrow your eyes at him and elbow him. 

He huffs and bends forward, holding his side. 

James stands beside him and smiles. “I’m happy you told me to come with you today.” 

The doctor groans and smacks his captain’s arm. “Don’t even think about it.” 

“I’m not.” 

Leonard shakes his head and walks away. ‘Like I believe that.’

[sheriffgrimes-archerdixon]

He had it comin’

They hurt you I hurt them part 2

Trigger warnings: rape word, mention of SA, gore, revenge, dark themes, usual twd stuff. If you’re sensitive to any of these then please read at your own discretion. Thank you.

“Did you kill him?”

That was the first thing you could even say, it had been a month or so since what had happened… you weren’t fully healed but you were much better. It was more the mental and emotional trauma more than anything but you were strong. Daryl was covered in blood his knuckles painted in the crimson liquid his breathing heavy, the hair that always hovered just over his eyes was drenched in a mixture of sweat and blood his eyes a fierce angry blue. “Nah,” his words were rough as he shook his head visibly affected by it all. He since the incident had been protective over you, incredibly protective but you couldn’t blame him. You remained quiet waiting for him to say something else, “I sent him to hell” you struggled to find your own words as he spoke a slight gulp coming from you. He had murdered a man because of you? “He deserved it. He had it comin’ y/n. He hurt you” he spat out anger evident in his tone but you shook your head “no-“ “yes y/n! The man raped you! He deserved every fucking thing that I put him through.” He exclaimed throwing his arms up in the air “and don’t you dare say he didn’t deserve it because he did, he fucked you up emotionally, mentally and physically! He ruined you! He hurt you once… that meant he would do it again… that’s why I killed him. Because he hurt you… but also because I know if he was able to have time with you again he would do much worse than what he did before.” He spoke firmly, his chest rising and falling rather quickly eyes full of troubled thoughts and feelings as he began to pace back and forth, usually you and Daryl were good at communicating but ever since you had been hurt he had been really difficult to talk to, he had been difficult all together. He kept things from you so you wouldn’t get hurt on a mission with him… even if he meant good by it to try and protect you it still hurt, as if he thought you were weak or something.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered his pacing soon stopping as he ran a hand over his face shaking his head “you’ve got nothing to be sorry for… I’m sorry for getting so angry about this.” He murmured his blood still boiling. His next target were the whisperers and alpha. Maybe he would have to get Negan’s help for that bitch. Daryl lost slept over you being hurt, he couldn’t sleep… imagining everything you went through… the pain… the fear… gods did it keep him up at night. It practically tortured him. It held him in a merciless chokehold until it was the only and last thing he could think about. It was traumatising. Even his own trauma wasn’t as bad as this… with his own trauma he could keep it down where he forgot about it but knowing you got hurt really messed with his head. “How did you kill him?” Your words struck something within him and he paused looking at you “that don’t matter,” he grunted out and you raised your brows “of course it matters!” You said wanting to know but he shook you off “I need a shower… just rest alright?” He mumbled “but you never take a shower…. You…” you soon fall silent as you sigh knowing you wouldn’t get it out of him. He was one stubborn man and as annoying as it was you knew he had a good reason to keep it from you…

~the revenge~

It didn’t take long for him to find the man who hurt you… he was tall. Much bigger than Daryl. Almost like Beta but slightly shorter. Probably about 6’10 so not much taller than Daryl but still tall enough to overpower someone. Daryl wasn’t going to have any mercy. Not now not ever. What this prick had coming for him was well deserved. He soon pursed his lips as he whistled loudly the tall man turning in the direction where Daryl was, hidden just behind a tree- the dark woods aided him by hiding him well… he aligned his crossbow before firing watching as the arrow whistled through the air before piercing straight through the man’s knee, rendering him to his knees as an agonised cry left his lips. How funny… he went down just like that. As Daryl came out of the shadows the man became more and more angry or well maybe scared he wasn’t quite sure. “Who the hell are you man?” He asked but Daryl didn’t respond grabbing a hold of the man’s hair yanking him backwards as he felt onto the floor “your worst nightmare” he found himself saying angrily as he pointed the crossbow directly at his face “you fuckin’ move and I will make this longer.” he warned his blue eyes shining with pure rage his finger teasing the trigger of his crossbow awaiting to fire if the man tried anything but when he didn’t Daryl shook his head taking a step back loosely swinging his crossbow over his shoulder before he crouched down so he could be at eye level with the man, not saying a word his eyes saying enough. It was pure silence. The only sound being the slight comfort of the howling wind but the archer saw that as mother natures way of telling him to murder this man and so without another word Daryl reached out wrapping his hand around the arrow in the man’s knee, it was piercing out through the back of his knee proving it had gone through and through- through the socket and everything…

“Why the hell did you do it.” He spat out and the man stared silently “do what.” He had the audacity to say, not even ask, the amusement in his eyes only adding insult to injury. “Why did you rape her” he asked his jaw clenched, the man chuckling “I didn’t touch her. I’m not that type of man.” Not that type of man huh what a fucking prick. Daryl’s anger only became fuelled more and more as he tightened his grip on the arrow “I’m gonna give you one last fuckin’ chance. You tell me why the hell you hurt her and I will spare your dumbass” he seethed out, the man only finding amusement out of it “and I’m gonna give you one more chance to hear that I didn’t touch her how many-“ he spoke but Daryl didn’t let him finish his sentence off as he was quick to rip the arrow out of his knee the sound of bone and cartilage snapping rang through his ears the man’s screams piercing through his ears as well, he remained deathly silent watching as blood spurted out of his knee “you fucking crazy bastard! I didn’t fucking touch her!” He yelled out, daryl quickly standing up his foot coming in contact with the man’s face kicking him back down twisted groans of agony filling the air as the man writhed in pain “yes you did. Don’t lie.” He muttered already having enough of his bullshit but he knew he would need a little more persuading seemingly and so Daryl dug the arrow into the ground for later use before wrapping his hand around the man’s throat yanking him up his free hand beginning to land constant punches… over and over and over… watching as his face went from a pale colour to an almost terrifyingly red colour, his face now the colour of a tomato practically… his nose was pouring with blood, his teeth covered in the crimson liquid too… “gonna admit it now?” He asked but when the man remained silent Daryl chuckled “fine.”

He knew it was inhumane but what the man did to y/n was even more inhumane. But this was justifiable. The man’s actions prior to Daryl’s revenge most definitely wasn’t justified. It was simply pure evil. He knelt down beside him again unsheathing his knife as he forcefully lifted the man’s already wounded knee up as his screams rang throughout the forest “yeah keep screaming, the dead will finish you faster than I will.” He said coldly before he without even warning stabbed the knife in and out… over and over… of the man’s knee. Constantly. Until his entire leg was covered in blood, the man’s screaming turning into weak begs

“Okay okay I’m sorry… i- I did… I just… i just hadn’t seen a woman in a while.”

His words fucked with Daryl the wrong way, rubbing him off the wrong way completely and his rage had began to get uncontrollable “I know that ain’t the truth, but you ain’t worth my time or breath.” He said before hovering just over the man as he pulled the arrow out of the mud, the tip of the arrow covered in mud before Daryl grasped a hold of the man’s chin keeping him still “I hope you stay alive for hours… you better hope god does exist.” He whispered to the man before bringing the arrow down the arrow piercing through his eye and penetrating straight into his brain, his heavy breathing stilling, his body going limp and Daryl stood up wiping off his knife on his trousers before he without even much of a reaction walked away, acting as if he had done nothing but he didn’t care. The man had gotten exactly what he deserved… no love… no mercy… no care… simply cold hearted painful death.

-

The days passed by, one by one- but each and every one of those days Daryl was scavenging the woods looking for the whisperers or mainly alpha and so once he found them all he was quick to kill each and every one of them, not on his own of course- he had the help of everyone else, making sure you stayed home safe and sound but seeing alpha laying there dead, head decapitated from her body, it felt good. So fucking good knowing the big bad wolf so to speak was finally defeated… finally. And Daryl didn’t just want them dead because he wanted to get justice for you, no- he wanted them all dead because then you would be more likely to not be hurt again by bastards like them.

-

“So they’re all dead?” Your voice was quiet your head resting upon Daryl’s chest as he held you in his embrace, dog laying on the foot of the bed. Daryl nodded his head “yeah.” He murmured and you let out a soft sigh as you looked up to him “thank you.” Your voice was soft and gentle before you pressed a kiss to his cheek in a way to thank him further, a pink flush forming on his cheeks and you smiled lightly. “You ever gonna tell me how you killed him?” You asked and Daryl glanced down at you “shoved an arrow through his eye” he said and you winced your stomach churning “want to hear more?” He asked amusement in his tone but you quickly shook your head “no… I’m pretty aware of the fact an arrow through the eye cannot cause that much blood so I’ll stay curious for this one..” you murmured making a light chuckle leave his lips “mhm… details ain’t necessary… just gotta be glad he never gonna touch you again.” He murmured and you nodded very relieved about it. All you had to know was the fact that he had it comin’ he deserved everything that he endured.

[eddysocs]

Heartfelt Heartburn — Ted Lasso x OC

Summary: Looking for a taste of home, Ted and Tildy head out to a restaurant with American cuisine that only leads them both to overdoing it, and feeling sick afterwards, but at least they’re not suffering alone.

Word Count: 663

Warnings: Mentions of mild nausea

Matilda cast a wary glance at Ted as they entered the American themed restaurant he’d been able to find online. The aroma of fried foods and sizzling meats filled the air, making her stomach growl in anticipation.

Ted clapped his hands and rubbed them together in preparation. "Well, Miss Tildy, this is gonna be a trip down memory lane!"

They were quickly seated and soon found themselves staring at a menu filled with greasy delights, including burgers, fries, fried chicken, and onion rings. They ordered a little bit of everything, eager to indulge in the flavors of home. It had been ages since Matilda had a taste of home and the call of the midwest was just too good to resist.

The two of them dug in the moment the food arrived and got lost in story after story, only taking breaths to laugh between bites of deep fried goodness. A couple of hours later, as they stumbled out of the restaurant, Matilda groaned, clutching her stomach. "Ted, I think we overdid it."

Ted nodded, his own face slightly pale from the over abundance of good, old American comfort food. "Yeah, maybe we went a bit overboard with the whole deep fried extravaganza." His attempt at levity usually would have made her laugh, but that’s the last thing she wanted to do right now. "How are you holding up?"

Matilda tried to smile but instead winced as another wave of discomfort hit her. "Not great, if I’m being honest."

Ted put a comforting arm around her shoulder. "Come on, let’s get you home. You need to lie down."

The walk back to Tildy’s flat felt longer than usual. Every step seemed to jostle her aching stomach. Ted, despite his own queasiness, stayed close, offering support and gentle reassurances, as well as stopping whenever she needed him too.

Once they’d made it safely inside Matilda's flat, Ted helped her to the couch and fetched a glass of water. "Here, drink this. It might help."

"Ugh, I don’t think anything else will fit in my stomach," she groaned. "But I know you’re right," she ultimately admitted. She sipped the water gratefully. "Thanks, Ted. I’m really sorry about this."

Ted shook his head. "No need to apologize. We’re in this greasy ship together. Just try to rest."

As the night went on, Matilda's discomfort worsened, despite the aid of the water. She lay curled up on the couch, pale and sweating. Ted, battling his own nausea, stayed by her side, holding her hand and rubbing her back soothingly.

"You’re a real trooper, Tildy," he said softly. "We’ll get you through this."

She managed a weak smile. "I’m glad you’re here, Ted."

Ted managed a chuckle, though it quickly turned into a stomach cramp that doubled him over for a moment and put an end to his good humor. "Yeah, me too," he finally managed. "Next time, let’s stick to something a little less…gut ruining, okay?"

"Deal," Matilda moaned in agreement. She may have missed home, but she sure wasn’t going to miss the cuisine for quite a while after this.

The night wore on, and Ted stayed vigilant, tending to Matilda's needs despite his own occasional bursts of discomfort. As dawn approached, Matilda finally fell into a restless sleep with Ted dozing off beside her.

It was late that morning when Matilda finally woke to find Ted still by her side on the couch, looking as exhausted as she felt, but still smiling.

"How are you feeling," he asked, almost scared of the answer.

"Better," she replied, squeezing his hand. "Thanks for taking care of me, Ted."

"Anytime, Tildy," Ted said with a warm smile. "That’s what friends are for."

As they shared a quiet moment, Matilda found herself smiling. Yeah, maybe that’s what friends were for, but Ted had gone above and beyond while feeling awful himself, and that said a lot more than anything even her closest friends had ever done for her.

For @sicktember

Forever Tag: @baubeautyandthegeek, @kmc1989, @curious-kittens-ocs, @fanficanatic-tw, @gcthvile, @kenjioharashotspot

[tammyjackson50-blog]

- Picnic with my best friend

___________________

Summary: You went on a chill picnic with your best friend Eddie, everything was going just fine until...

Warrning: kisses, cursing?

2/2

<;- First part

"Hellooo," I was getting worried. Why is he ignoring me?

" Earth to Eddie Munson-

" I love you Y/n "

-------------------

My smile faded for a few seconds because it came out of nowhere,

I had no idea what to think, he's already told me once, if not twice, that he loves me, but not in that kinf of way,

of course, in a friendly way.

And even then I didn't know what to say other than -

"I can't stand you either." I smiled at him,I gave him that response because, in this situation I can't even say it out of friendship, so sarcasm is the least I can do.

Honestly, my heart started pounding at that moment but I didn't let it affect me,for quite some time now, I've been trying to ignore my feelings for him as to not to ruin our close friendship, also, he probably doesn't feel that way about me, which is fine, seriously, I prefer our friendship, he sees me as a little sister and he's not trying to hide it, there were a few situations when I felt like he put me in the friendzone…

so I suppose I got the hint and I stopped trying,not that I actually did anything… but okay.

These little flirtations from him are nothing new, sometimes I flirt back because I know he's joking.

For a brief moment, he looked at me panicked, you can see in his eyes that all of his confidence was gone. " Y\n, I'm…serious…"

" W-what? Where did it come from Eddie?" I was confused, possibly because I had convinced myself that nothing like this could happen between us.

" I've been thinking about how to tell you this for a while now, but the truth is that I wasn't sure of how to tell you this."

I'm now playing with my rings as well, and I'm not sure what to do next.

" I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to risk our friendship, but as time passes, my feelings for you only deepen and the thought of how someone else will take you from me makes me worry that I will miss my chance, that I will miss you."

"Who exactly will take me away from you?" I asked, with a touch of criticism in my voice, I had to ease the tension that had been built up. " have you looked in the mirror recently Y\n?" I Rolled my eyes,

" Oh do me a favor " he positioned himself this time so that we could see each other directly.

This time, his eyes were not filled with fear, and he appeared somewhat more confident.

"Would you like to be my girlfriend, Y/n?" I looked at him again, I wasn't ready for this, for this conversation,I never thought it would happen, and the fact that he's the one who says it?

" Wow I- I'm not sure what to say" Again, there was silence,

" It's okay, you can forget about it, I completely unde-

I stopped him, " I'd like to be your girlfriend."

He gave me such a lost expression that I immediately thought he was regretting what he had said, that he had only said it because of the romantic and enjoyable atmosphere that had been in the air since we had sat down on the grass.

But no, before I was able to ask if he was okay, he opened his arms and hugged me.

"You don't understand what I feel right now"

I was a little hesitant at first, but I hugged him back.

" You dumbass " with that, he knocked us both down, leaving us hugging on half the mat and half the grass.

( not my picture )

"I know I confused you, I apologize for being a jerk, I also confused myself." I was now beneath him as he looked down on me.

"F*ck you Munson, a little? Maybe a little too much," he smiled as he looked at me.

The group of people who were singing earlier, as well as the music that was playing in the background, were long gone as we lay on the grass embracing one another.

It felt so nice and comfortable,just the thought of being able to give him hugs like that all the time made me feel happy.

Then, all of a sudden, he rose up so that he was above me.

I looked up at him, and, as cheesy and tacky as it may sound, it felt like an eternity, I never thought I could stare into someone's eyes for longer than two minutes.

Little by little, I noticed his face coming closer to mine, and then it happened, the last thing I thought would happen to me at the age of 19, something I expected to experience somewhere around the age of twenty or more, maybe I'm exaggerating.

There is no need to rush, there is no need to judge, because things like this will happen to everyone at different times.

" Fuck Y\n , you are so beautiful, can I..kiss you? "

I just hummed in response.

He brushed my lips with his, wave of heat flushing through me.

He kissed me gently, brushed his tongue between my lips, pushing his warm, soft lips against mine.

He slid his hands up my body and cupped his palms around my face.

Then he gave me a passionate kiss that I will never forget.

( idk use your imagination lol )

" I'm glad that you are my first kiss , Y\n "

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-small conversation if you will like:

" huh? are you sure that it was your first kiss Eds?

" well, maybe becuase I dreamd about this moment few times already it -" " yeah yeah okay shut up,um.... it's my first kiss as well"

" yeah I know babe " " oh- I'm already "babe" that's fast not gonna lie"

" I have been waiting for this too long sweetheart "

"awww- hold up , what do you mean that you know that it's my first kiss ? " " Y\n, I know you for so long, I don't remember you telling me that you have kissed someone" " well that dosen't mean anything " " what do you mean huh? have you kissed someone before? why you didn't told me that? can you tell me who it was?"

" hahahaha relax , are you jealous ? " " no but like.... how come you never told me that ,you dork " "bae you are hella jealous "

" bae huh? I like that- hey wait wow, I see what you did, you are not avoiding this conversation young lady "

" pffff okay sir, no, I have never kissed before "

" okay then, don't play with me like that, shit "

" what do you mean? "

" I was just thinking, how the hell did this alien get kissed before I even got kissed "

" OH- you piece of shit "

"I'm sorry ,I'm sorry haha, let me tell you something from my heart"

" okay , I'm listeing "

I'll never break your heart I'll never make you cry I'd rather die than live without you I'll give you all of me "

. . . .

" nahhhh, Eddie did you just sang me a Backstreet boys song? that's an historical moment "

" shut up, what do you think ? "

" hmmm, I think that l- uhm, I love you "

" mhm "

" don't look at me like that okay, this is new to me so you better not tease me and just kiss me.. shit head "

" shit head? hahaha ,no problem, my girl gets what she wants "

" and you better start looking for new nicknames "

_______

hope that you liked this short " fanfic" .

I'm still embarrassed to write ffs, but it's fun lol.

(It's also my first time the explanation of the kiss, I hope it's okay and not too embarrassing?....)

[zephfair]

All's Fair in Love Chapter 2

I've been so blocked creatively with 0 energy, loads of family crap, still unemployed, health woes etc, and I literally haven't been able to finish anything since I wrote this. I felt really badly that it seemed so OOC for Adam, and it bothered me so much I had to write another scene.

I hope this makes it better! And maybe this will break my block so I can finish something else! Also, great big thanks to @iammistressofmyfate for talking with me about all this!

This is rated G except for swearing because Ronan.

Adam lay awake watching the digital clock jump through the digits from 2 to 3 a.m. There was enough ambient light in the bedroom for him to stare up at the ceiling and try not to make eye contact with any of the rooster accessories that decorated even the bedroom of the Pleasant Valley Bed and Breakfast.

He sighed and gave up, rolling onto his side. There was a broken slat in the window blind behind the bed, and a ray of streetlight shone in, right onto the back of Ronan’s head.

It allowed Adam to see the top of his short curls, the darkness of his shaved undercut, on down his neck to where the spiky swirls of his tattoo started. Adam’s stomach did another nervous somersault like it’d been doing all night.

“Lynch,” he whispered, reaching out and stroking his knuckle softly down the soft, shorn hair.

There was no movement. Ronan’s rhythmic breathing continued.

“Lynch,” Adam whispered a little louder, running his fingertips down Ronan’s neck.

When that didn’t get any answer, Adam said, “Ronan,” in his normal voice and squeezed gently where Ronan’s neck and shoulder met.

That made Ronan mumble. “Ro-nan,” Adam said again, louder, and Ronan finally grumbled groggily and twitched away from the renewed squeezing.

“Whaaa?” Ronan snorted himself more awake and rolled onto his back. “A’um?”

“You awake?” Adam propped himself up on his elbow and smiled down at his boyfriend.

“Naaaaw,” Ronan’s yawn showed off most of his teeth and reminded Adam of a cat’s wide yawn.

“Ronan, I can’t sleep.”

“S’ok, mmm,” Ronan rolled as near as he could to Adam and snuggled into him, slinging an arm over his waist and tucking himself close against Adam’s chest.

Adam now felt like he was the cat, struggling to get away from an unwanted embrace. “Ronan, no. Just, please, wake up, I need to say something to you.”

That seemed to get through Ronan’s sleepy mind. “What? No. What?”

Adam sat up and propped himself against the headboard while Ronan went through flailing his way out of sleep and out of the sheet to sit up beside him. Adam could hear his fast breathing and see his wide eyes, but when Ronan reached for the bedside lamp, Adam grabbed his arm.

“No, leave the light off. I have to say this and it’ll be easier in the dark.”

“Shit. Fuck. Adam, please don’t break up with me like this. Please wait until I’m awake. And dressed. I can’t handle it like this.”

“Whoa, whoa, Lynch, no! I’m not breaking up… why would you even think that?” Now it was Adam’s turn to sound panicked.

“Because I fucked up today and ruined everything for you, and I should’ve known better—”

“No, Ronan, that is what I want to talk to about, but not because of you. Because of me. Shit. We both just need to calm down for a second.”

Adam was holding one hand over his own racing heart, and he saw Ronan reach for him but stop. That really hurt. Ronan had never been sparing or shy or timid with his affection since they’d gotten together during filming of the Bachelorette.

And now in one afternoon, Adam had ruined it.

His mother had always told him he had a way of being mean and selfish that made other people dislike him, and now, for once, he believed it.

Adam held his hand out toward Ronan, and Ronan met his eyes first, as if to ask if it was okay, and then he took it, bringing it to his lips and kissing it. Adam had to shut his eyes to get his train of thought back.

“Ronan, I can’t sleep because I fucked up today. I’m sorry. I acted like a dick and I ruined your day.”

Ronan didn’t answer when Adam finally opened his eyes he saw Ronan was still breathing hard.

“Lynch, are you okay?” Adam was truly worried now.

Ronan shook his head. “I don’t get what’s going on.”

That made Adam huff a little laugh and lean over and kiss his bare shoulder. “That’s ‘cause you just woke up.”

“You woke me up,” Ronan grumbled, seeming a little more like himself.

“I did,” Adam admitted in total honesty. “Because I can’t sleep because I upset you today and I didn’t do a very good job of explaining why. Sometimes I just get in my own head and I can’t, or won’t, talk about it.”

Ronan snorted, “Yeah, no shit.”

Adam ignored his instinctual reaction to argue and said, “Sometimes I know that I’m not a good communicator and it can hurt a relationship.”

“We met on a fucking reality TV dating show, what kind of communication do you expect?”

Adam didn’t rise to the sarcasm. “I know I don’t always properly communicate. But this… I was wrong. I should’ve told you when you first brought up the idea of coming to Virginia. I never wanted to come back here, but I didn’t know that your Barns were this close to my old hometown until you said Singers Falls. And it’s just shitty luck that Blue was from Henrietta too. I always swore I’d never return once I got out of here.”

Adam had to pause for a deep, steadying breath. Ronan brought his captured hand to his lips again, and Adam’s exhale was decidedly shaky.

“And you were sweet, yes, sweet, shut up, to try and assure me that we wouldn’t be out around town. And you were—thank you for trying to protect me, Ronan. Like you always do,” Adam couldn’t help a little smile at Ronan’s head shake.

“I thought I’d just grit my teeth and bear it, just get by like I always did when I lived here.”

Adam had to stop and shut his eyes for a second. Ronan dropped his hand to scooch over and put his arm around Adam’s shoulders, which wasn’t comfortable for either of them, but Adam appreciated—not for the first time—that Ronan enjoyed physical comfort.

“I should’ve told you all about this shitty place,” Adam admitted quietly. “And my shitty family. And the shitty people I knew from here. And while I haven’t heard from them because I cut myself off a long time ago, I’m sure they wouldn’t have liked what I said on the show, and especially the fact that we got together. I was never out here, but believe me, I heard enough about what they think about men like us.”

Ronan pressed his lips to Adam’s temple, and Adam sank a little more into the embrace.

“I’m sorry I was a shithead today. Part of it was fear and anger and just frustration that I had to come here, to Henrietta in general. It wasn’t the fair in specific. My family never went to the fair, my parents never would’ve spent the money, and I was always working or studying, no free time and no friends I would’ve wanted to go with.”

Ronan kissed his head again and shushed him.

“It’s all right, Adam. I get it. I understood what you told me on the Ferris wheel. And it’s OK. I had really great times at the fair as a kid, with my family, but once my parents died, we never went back. Never wanted to.”

“Ronan,” Adam started but Ronan shushed him again.

“I have bittersweet memories. And I thought maybe we’d make new ones, together. And we did. I can keep my family memories still, and I’ll never forget today either. It wasn’t all bad. I just felt like I was disappointing you. I should’ve told you what I wanted to do before and given you the choice.”

“No, you wanted to surprise me. You were trying to be fun. I was angry that I was overdressed and then I was angry that I never got to go to the fair before then I kept thinking what if I run into someone from high school. I let my anger and my stupid fear and all those worries take over.

“I’m just sorry. I was mean to you when you wanted to do something nice for me. It could’ve been fun, eating all that junk food then getting sick on the rides. The games, though, they’re still rigged to make you lose.”

Ronan nudged him, hard. “Well, you’re my hero for winning Wilbur the stuffed pig. Leave it to you to beat even a cheating game.”

Adam’s little laugh was definitely wobbly. Ronan nudged him more gently.

“I don’t understand what’s wrong. I thought we’d worked this out before we left the fair.”

Adam talked directly into Ronan’s shoulder. “I was afraid I hadn’t explained myself clearly. I guess I’m overthinking and I can’t sleep.”

“That’s because you didn’t wear yourself out running around trying to tackle a fucking pig in the mud. And also those damned roosters are out there. Watching us,” Ronan gestured toward the rest of the bedroom.

“Do you want to go back to the fair tomorrow? Well, today,” Adam asked suddenly.

“Nah. We’re spending the day with the Terrible Trio, and I’m sure they have better things planned.”

Adam’s stomach clenched despite himself. “What if they want to go running around all over town? Ronan, I don’t think I’m up to that.”

“First of all, there’s literally nothing to do in Henrietta so fuck that. Second, fuck them if they try and make you go around town. I’ll make an excuse because, honestly, I don’t wanna do that either.”

“I’m mean,” Adam said in a very tiny voice.

Ronan snorted. “Well, yeah, you are. That’s one of the things I love about you. That and your flat ass.”

“You’re a real sweet talker, Lynch.” But Adam straightened up a little, starting to feel a lot lighter and a lot more relieved.

“I know I am,” Ronan said, watching Adam carefully. “Do you think you’ll be able to sleep now?”

“I don’t know.”

“I can wear you out,” Ronan suggested, waggling his eyebrows so Adam would know it was a joke.

Adam started to respond but surprised himself with a jaw-splitting yawn instead.

Ronan sighed dramatically. “I guess it’ll have to wait until morning. Now lay down.”

Adam did, without protest, and Ronan arranged him until he could spoon up behind him, draping himself over Adam in a way that would have been unbearable if they hadn’t had the AC on high.

“And we’ve got to fix that blind, I can’t handle the light so early in the morning,” Ronan sounded grumpily like his usual, middle-of-the-night self.

“We’ll only be here one more night. But I’ll fix it for you,” Adam promised. Ronan nuzzled his neck in thanks. Adam allowed himself a little smile as he relaxed into Ronan and finally found sleep and peace.

[dxwnxdusk]

@crossed-worlds

There's nowhere to go. He doesn't have a place besides this. He doesn't know why they've even bothered. Is he a prisoner? A spoil of that war, or kept as a reminder? Something to be used against his doppler? He's not sure what to think anymore. His mind and body scream whenever the golden simian comes near, his taller frame always trying to make itself shorter or scarce in those moments where he's a fragment of strength. He had control of himself, it felt like he actually had a sense of self at this point and the threads of life were no longer fraying and snapping. His existence wasn't coming to an immediate end, he wasn't spiraling but he was still horribly ill. Even a minor attempt at some much as trying to melt into the shadows had nearly send him into a coughing fit, having stopped the first time he'd tried. He doesn't know what to do, he doesn't know what they want, why are they bothering with healing him? Still those words haunt him, spoken directly at him by the king when he'd smacked away the claws that had reached to heal him.

'Do you want to go back?'

He'd felt fear, he was it at times and other times it was something else entirely. He was frail, pitiful and at their mercy. He had nothing to his name in these moments besides the clothes he bore and even then he had kept a death grip on the cloak around his frame. Even now, he could feel like simply breathing was ruining him. He doesn't understand any of it, maybe a fragment of him does. Still when the other ever approaches, his mind flashes back to that and he becomes nothing more than a deer caught in headlights. Only once has a noise ripped from his throat, a shriek when one of them had startled him. So much as touching him felt like their touches were marking him for death. How long has he been here, he can't tell. He still felt like he was falling apart at the seams. He must be dissasociating at this current moment, the pounding of his own heartbeat echoing in his head as the faint edges of golden fur has him still staring down at the ground. He's being asked something and all he wants to do is run, if he did he'd be hurt wouldn't he? He can't run.

Lips part, attempt to as all that comes out is a puff of purple smoke, the faint blue glow still in the depths of his throat, quickly does he close them because he can feel like he's going to choke on his own saliva even so attempting to talk. The pangs of hunger have long become almost numb to himself, he can't remember when he's had an actual meal besides devouring something raw in moments of a bloodlust frenzy, something he's worried about becoming a reality now. He wasn't sure if this one was just immune to his scent either, given most demons went rampant at him after being around him for enough time. Challenges that turned into escape attempts for his own sanity...which wasn't much.

Still despite the trembling, he manages to gaze upwards. Breath hitching in his throat as his left set of ears twitches slightly. The other side is still bandaged, in an attempts to preserve what could be. He doubted he'd ever be able to truly hear out of that side again. But to the same extent? Unfortunately so, painfully so, it felt like the voices of time had only grown louder alongside everything else. Still, gazing up at the golden simian wearily, as if wondering what he possibly could have been asking him while he had completely lost focus.

[ashs-random-writing]

Building up Burned Bridges

Chapter 11

Ao3

REBLOGS>>>>>LIKES

--

Humans are widely regarded as myths. Myths of Giant monstrous beings whose only goal is to destroy magic and all magical beings. That was a stereotype.

Janus is a human who's been in hiding, alone for seven years. He was always careful, he always protected himself, and now there was a fairy in his cave.

--

Janus couldn’t hear them anymore. He knew they were still there, they wouldn’t have just left (would they?)

He kept an eye on his child, moving himself closer to the door, so they were less likely to notice Roman before they noticed him

Roman was waking up, and upon not immediately seeing Janus, started to cry. Janus rushed forward, gently picking the child up

“Shh, shh, it’s okay... it’s okay, I’m here, no one can hurt you, okay? I’m here” He started to hum his lullaby, passing Roman one of the softer toys

He was calmed almost immediately, and grabbed the toy with one hand and Janus’s hair with the other

Janus smiled lightly, gently taking his hair away, but offering his hand to the child. Roman was doing amazingly at everything, if Janus did say so himself. He was starting to be able to walk with no help, and Janus was so, so proud of him. He wasn’t about to let anyone ruin that

The noises were getting closer, slowly but surely. Janus sat down against the door, hopefully stopping them from opening it. Roman was giggling and babbling to him, and Janus nervously shot a look at the door 

He smiled down at the little guy, choosing to try not to worry him

“Nothing is going to hurt you, I promise. And if they try, I’ll stop them. I will keep you safe” He murmured

It felt like an empty promise, especially with magicals approaching, but he was going to try his hardest to make his words true. He couldn’t hear them at that moment, but he could almost sense that they were just outside of the door

He didn’t know how many there were, but... it didn’t sound like an army’s worth. He simply held onto his son, and waited. Roman was giggling again

He was such a happy child, and it made Janus’s heart ache in ways he couldn’t explain.

Janus was still practically a child himself, he was only seventeen. But, he had aged so much more than that. His son was supposed to get the better life, with no magicals to ruin it. He blinked back tears.

Was human life just cursed? Was there truly no happiness available for humans? He choked back a sob, looking down at Roman, who was still so happy, so blissfully unaware of the horrors faced in the world

Janus gave in. Maybe they wouldn’t be cruel enough to harm his son when they attacked. It was wishful thinking, but he had nothing else. He would fight if they went too close to Roman, but he didn’t care about himself anymore. He moved away from the door and sighed

-------

Virgil now realised why the human would be scared. Patton had been jumpy the entire journey, informing them when he saw important things, or the human’s feelings at certain moments. 

When Virgil saw the destroyed houses; what looked like multiple villages worth of them, he had grown nauseous.

A pit of dread grew in his stomach when he noticed Patton growing pale at whatever vision he had seen. Virgil silently watched, wondering whether if it had anything to do with the obvious destruction that patterned the streets. He had seen ruins like this before, except a lot more destroyed and further south

He had never managed to figure out what they were, but now that he had, he wondered just how many humans there had been, and why they were living in caves if they had once had houses

Patton shakily led them further north, to the house that the humans had hidden out in, but stopped them from going in.

“I don’t think we should go in right now. They’re scared, and for good reason” Patton explained exactly what he had seen

While humans had faded into myths for magicals (Virgil realised that was probably intentional on the magicals parts), humans had probably told every story, every retelling to their young, warning them and using fear to keep them hidden for as long as possible

Virgil felt sick. A mass genocide? For a group of people whose only crimes were not having magic? He had no idea that had even happened

He had a bad feeling that no one was supposed to know. The human and their new child were probably scared out of their minds, why else would they make the (way too long) journey all the way up north?

They eventually decided to find a way inside. They concluded that the humans were in the upper portion of the house. Which kinda-sorta sucked because each of the stairs were taller than them.

Remus decided to stay downstairs, being the only one who couldn’t fly (which he proclaimed was totally unfair)

They found their way upstairs, looking in each of the rooms for the humans. The one room with an intact, closed door seemed to be the one they were in, because of course it was. He huffed

He knew why they were making it difficult, and he knew that it was for a good reason, but... it was still annoying

They could hear a young voice on the other side, making similar chirping noises to the human he was used to. Language, he realised. It was all a language.

A familiar version of the chirping, deeper than the younger voice, started, sounding like it was comforting the younger one. Virgil felt a stab of guilt through his heart.

He watched the door, almost unsure if he should try enter or not

--

Taglist: @a-chilly-pepper​

[havendance]

Infinite Crisis Thoughts

At long last, I am sitting down and writing these out. Under a cut because it's a big event and required lots of words.

Overall I had fun and I’m glad I read it. It was huge and sprawling and had a couple hundred tie-ins of varying relevance that doubled back on plot points. It felt like the embodiment of everything a comics event could be and it was epic for it. It’s got a scope to it! Crossover your entire universe! It’s the sort of thing you can do with comics and the interconnectedness of it all.

In terms of plots I read the OMAC project stuff and the Villains United stuff, and largely ignored/didn’t seek out the Rann-Thangar War and Day of Judgement plotlines

The Wonder Woman storyline was by far the standout. (Greg Rucka my beloved. I am looking forward to getting to his run in my Wonder Woman readthrough).

Something that I did think was interesting was the fact that it ends with Themiscyra gone, sealed away, and Diana left alone in Man’s World. Rucka pulls the same move in his rebirth Wonder Woman run. (Though that one was also doing some heavy duty work to retcon whatever was going on with the new 52 amazons. (I don’t know, I didn’t read it. But I can that it was bad from how much they had to retcon it away.)).

It is, I think, a very compelling place to put Diana in. At least, I find it compelling. And he was able to build off of the idea more in his rebirth run whereas I don’t know how it’s followed up on in post-crisis.

Anyway, if I had a nickel for every time…

The OMAC stuff was also fun (Thanks again Rucka.) We get more Sasha. We get Bruce ruining things for everyone.

Just the whole ‘Everything’s going wrong for everyone at once.’ that was going on the whole event. That’s what makes it a crisis! It was just really neat seeing how it built up bit by bit.

And then you also have the meta aspect with the earth two heroes and them watching everything go wrong and using that as their basis to rewrite everything ever.

Superboy prime is punching reality and there are clearly retcons going down in real time but sue me if I can’t figure out what any of them are.

Uhhh what else

RIP to Ratcatcher for being the first random person to get killed off in Infinite Crisis #1. No one’s going to miss you.

My favorite superman comic from the event was the one where got nuked and it did this thing I absolutely love where they put the in universe characters alongside the actual creators in the credits:

Of course it was written by Lois Lane… Rucka just gave her a voice…

I read exactly one Firestorm issues (#20). I found that I did not care about the new Firestorm (unsurprisingly) but this was also the first time I’d encountered Animal Man and I came out of the comic seized by the need to read more of his comics

Anyway I’m like 7 issues in Morrison’s Animal Man run and while I found his JLA run boring and have heard, uh, many things most of them poor about his Batman writing, his Animal Man writing is very fun so far!

Animal Man tangent over

I did not get around to reading the Green Arrow tie ins which I probably should’ve. Oh well, I’ll come back to that whenever I get around to reading Green Arrow Comics again.

I also skipped the Aquaman (some day I will figure out how to dip my toes in there) and Hawkman comics

And also probably others but those are the ones that come to mind

I also liked the teen titans Nightwing and Superboy team up issue.

I am confused as to what all went down with Bart and the Flash side of things but also maybe some day I will read flash comics

So many comics to read so little time

I am curious as to the logistics of the swapping out Kon to die for Nightwing thing that I know happened. Because in Infinite Crisis #6 Superboy directly stops superboy prime from killing Nightwing. But then Nightwing also jumps in front of Bruce to save him later which also could’ve been a prime moment for him to die. Don’t know if anyone knows anything about that.

But yeah! Infinite Crisis! Now it’s time for me to meander my way through one year later stuff.

[loufi8iepuff]

Shadow - Part 1? Prequel?

(y/n)'s pronouns: She/her

Warnings and/or tropes: Warnings: Angst?

Summary: Two best friends who used to be very close, has now become enemies.

Word count: 600 -something?

Main Masterlist!

-

She is pretty.

She is like the first sunlit day of spring. She is a swarm of colorful butterflies. She is everything warm and bright you can think of.

She is the most beautiful person alive. -In my opinion. Which might not count for a lot since I am very biased.

I honestly have no idea of what other people see when they look at her, but I can assure you that it's not the same as what I see.

If everyone saw her the way I see her; she'd be high on a pedestal, praised like a goddess. -Or six feet under. I'd imagine many would want to murder her out of jealousy.

So maybe it's a good thing they don't look at her with my eyes.

Scientifically she might not be that pretty and I honestly don't know how I find her so beautiful. I get pretty; she is pretty, but that brightness of her eyes and smile shouldn't even be possible.

She's always been by my side. Or I've always been by hers. I'm like a small shadow walking behind her. I was used to it in a way. It couldn't really be any other way, when she shines like that.

She is so incredibly likable. She is funny and clever and sweet and so damn kind. Even her flaws are likable:

She talks too much, but it's all compliments and jokes. She is dumb, she doesn't care about her mental health whatsoever, but it creates funny stories when she gets hurt for stupid reasons. She over shares all the time, but it makes people open up to her and trust her.

I don't think any of these are flaws, but she's told me it was.

Noone else thinks it's flaws. She is flawless and I look like a whole circus next to her.

Everyone had always seen me as the friend she hangs around out of pity. They don't say it, but it's obvious.

She didn't see me like that. I knew she really loved me and saw all the good in me. She understood me. She saw and understood me. If I'd just appreciated that; I might've never lost her.

I was an idiot. I started hating the shadow. So much that I blamed her. She was the reason I was a shadow; so I began hating her.

She wasn't the reason. I wasn't even a shadow at all. I was more like the moon and I was comparing myself to the sun. And then when I turned my back to the sun, I was engulfed by darkness.

I needed her light, but I realized way too late.

At first, right after I started hating her, she was hurt and confused. I kept bugging her, teasing her, but she didn't budge. Not once did she say anything back. Until one day, years later. She yelled at me. Rightfully so, I was being a dick.

Her yelling at me made me realize how wrong I was. She had had anger issues her whole life, ones that made her hate herself. She went to extreme lengths everyday, that hurts herself in the long run, to not get mad.

I ruined it. She has been able to hold it in at school and i fuvked it up. Now she's gonna hate herself for a long while. Simply because I was insecure.

After that she gave up on being nice. -to me of course.

She talked back, yelled at me. She probably even hated me now. She has always said that she couldn't hate anyone even if she tried, but if she doesn't already hate me, I for sure hold the record on being the closest.

I wanted to stop acting as if I hated her, but I didn't know how. I'd gotten too used to it.

-

I didn't really write this for a specific person, but I need to have a name (member, of any group) for the next part; so if you want it to be about someone, just tell me who.. (:

This is more like a prequel than a part one.

[nothing-a-good-nap-cant-fix]

now that school has allowed face to face, my thoughts are more reorganized, and im not spiraling into the same cycles in the comfort of my own bed. Now, ive met some people who were able to help me settle in the normal every day interactions and activities.

It makes things easier for me to get a ground of where im currently at, and evaluate my current state of mind and im able to grasp my thoughts and explain them in an understandable way. I don't talk in blurs anymore and dont speak in incomprehensible frenzy of emotions and mental breakdowns. Mentally, and psychologically. Physical doesnt matter to me anymore.

Speaking of physical, ever since i left my relatives and went back to staying home, the impact of my stay there severely affected me. I remember constant reminders of how i look. The shape of my body, my hygiene, my figure. It was a daily comment. Maybe to them, it was innocent. Maybe because they already said it to each other on the daily and weren't affected by it, they thought it was okay to joke about mine as well. I dont know. All i know that for once in my life i started caring about the thing i saw whenever i passed by the mirror. I couldnt bear to look at my face anymore knowing it was me. It was painful knowing that this was the body i lived in. I couldnt even skip meals to make me feel even just a little bit better, and avoid them, because theyd always start accusing me of acting emotional, being bitter, being immature, emo, moody, whatever words an adult can throw at a developing teenager. I wanted to die.

I had little to no privacy, sharing a room with someone, bunk bed, in a cramped stuffy room, no door to block out anything. The only personal space i had was my own bed, which even people liked to occasionally drag me from. I had issues with school at the time, that's why i was living with them. But they weren't helping. All they did was scold me about why i couldnt solve it on my own. They said that they were my age when they could already supervise their own school files, and that i should know it too. They shouldnt be doing stuff for me, they said. Im old enough, they said. But i dont know how to do it. I cant do it. They say im weird because im always scared to talk to people to ask to people. They get mad when i couldnt buy eggs because i was scared. I didn't know where the store is and even though they gave instructions. It was already hard for me to go out and buy normally. whatever.

Im so tired. I have to deal with everything that comes my way and i just want to scream and kick and cry.

But what if i do? Nothing will happen. Nothing will change. Ill just look more stupid. I might do something that will make more issues for me. I cant risk it, itll ruin my already peaceful situation.

I hate sundays. Its when my parents decide to stay home for the day and get mad at some point eventually. Usually, its about the messy state of our house. About how we should clean. Always so messy, they said.

Im tired. I dont want to live like this anymore. Ive changed. Thank goodness. I dont want to die anymore. I dont think ive ever wanted to die. I just wanted to stop existing to people. I want to stay as a spectator forever. All i do is watch from the sidelines. I dont want to be acknowledged, or known, or even seen.

Whatever.

Im tired. I want to cry. But i cant. Whatll it do? Nothing. It does nothing. It just makes me look more stupid. It will give me a cold. Itll have people aksing why im crying. Stupid dumbfucks. I wish theyd go somwhere else. I hate it when people ask if im okay. I want to bash their brains in. They should be shutting up. Sht the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut up bitch. Dead dead adead die die die die die die die die. Im tired. Maybe i should start smoking. But they said its painful. What should i do? Self harm? I cant do slits. Too showy. People will notice. They might even report me. Embarassing, theyll ask bulldhit questions at the office. What the fuck. I need something. Ah. Starving. I can. I should stop eating. Dad said i was growing weaker. I regret eating today. I wish i ddint eat. I wish i didny ask for anythibg. I wish i starved starve starve