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chickpow · 7 years

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The Long Road Home

Chickpow here: I found an old disc/floppy disc in my attic containing a lot of very old fanfiction from authors and websites that are either gone or taken down. I am not the author but I would like to share what I’ve found. if you find the author please let me know so I can credit them properly. Thank you and enjoy

The Long Road Home By: Chocolate-chan Warnings: Yaoi, lemon, Trunks injury! ::cries:: Note: stars (***) mean POV change; (//) - thoughts; (//") - remembered quotes; ("//) - song lyrics Prologue ******** So I can’t tell him, so what? I spend a lot of time here just thinking about it. So what? I think Kaa-san worries when I get that dreamy look and flee for the safety of my room to shout at the walls and let my brains spill out. It doesn’t matter. They can hear all they want; my thoughts come out in fits and starts, broken phrases speaking of volatile emotion screamed at the heedless walls of my room, incoherent pleas for nothing. But after a few minutes it banishes itself back to the corner of my consciousness, and even if I want to dwell on it, it won’t come out for all the urging in the world. So I guess in the long run, this is all irrelevant, isn’t it? It’s like a werewolf changing into his animal form once a month; it’s not dangerous unless you’re around to be bitten. ******** I think that the sun was still coming up when I left the house, early, having too much energy. So I burned some of it up on a little flight. “Goten-kun~!” I guess it’s a little flight kinda day. “What do you want?” “You’re early! Now, what are you doing over Micronesia at this time of morning? Carrying your bookbag?” “Shut up, Trunks. I notice you’re here too,” I reply. “I just wanted to take a little trip...” “Well, why don’t we stop for breakfast?” He suggests, falling in beside me. I’m not in the mood for breakfast. Not exactly a Saiya-jin attitude, but I feel a little sick to my stomach in an odd way, and I can’t explain. Like I know something bad’s about to happen soon. Last time I had a feeling like this, we had a pop quiz in Algebra and I hadn’t studied.... for two weeks. “No, I’m not hungry,” I maintain stubbornly. “You’re not sick, are you?” I shake my head slowly, letting him take it as he will. I wonder briefly, since I don’t feel like having anyone around, what he’s doing on my flight path. This is _my_ flight path. You never asked if you could share it, Trunks! You like to fly _east_ in the mornings. _I_ fly north. “Did you study?” “Iie... what was I supposed to be studying for?” I ask, practicing my innocent face on him. It doesn’t work on him, but it does on everyone else. He never believes me when I deny acknowledgment. “History?” he reaches around, momentarily flying sideways to wave a hand in my face. “Remember?” Unfortunately, I had independently decided to speed up and he ends up inadvertently smacking me in the face. “Get off!” I hiss. He scowls darkly at me, and both of us take a moment to gaze at each other warily out of the corners of our eyes and regard each other. He just wants to know what my problem is, I know that. I’ll get over it soon, I suppose. His silence is often comforting, but at the moment it confronts my mind and adds to that acidic feeling in my stomach. “You’re not like yourself today,” Trunks comments. “Dame yo.” I know I shouldn’t be glad I’m annoying him, but I am, until I sigh. “I got a feeling about today, ‘s all...” “Well...” Trunks sounds mistrustful. “I’m hungry, and you don’t seem to want me around.” I do feel real guilt at upsetting him. He seems to see the apology in my face, waving it away. “I’ll see you in homeroom, Goten, you go on.” I think about it for a long moment, and say “Come over for dinner.” “Wakatte wa, I’m hungry already!” Trunks dons a smile for my benefit and I half curse, half thank him in my mind as I shake my head. He flies off in some odd direction. After what feels like a moment more of flying, I realize I’m high above Japan. I make a steep dive that leaves my breath behind as I head for my hometown, landing not too far from the school Trunks and I attend. I stop and buy some kind of granola-fruit thing that is starting to catch on. “Yuck, people eat this?” I scowl and cram it down anyway, seeing Trunks land a distance away from me with chopsticks hanging from his mouth, carrying an interesting Chinese-print bowl in his hands and running to his class. I would much rather have eaten breakfast with him. I sigh and go to class, falling asleep in first period and earning a detention. “Goten, what are you doing?” “Detention,” I say with an awkward one-shoulder shrug. “Shh!!” The teacher scowls at me, and I blink placidly back at her. Trunks draws a bit closer and lowers his voice dramatically. This teacher is interesting; I feel like I’m in grade school. “You wamme to tell Chichi-san?” “Iie!!” I hiss, leaning toward him and glaring. “I’ll make something up. You want me dead?” “Gomen....” My teacher comes and ushers him away, and closes the door, relieving me of the one break from my monotony. After I’ve finished with the cleaning and copying lines or whatever she made me do this week, I head out the door and down the front steps of the main building. I blink and have to look twice to recognize the figure sitting all alone at the bottom of the steps. “You waited for me?” “It was only thirty minutes,” Trunks told me as he rose to his feet and fell into step with me at the same smooth moment. “That’s a long time.” “Yeah, and I’m hungry,” Trunks said patiently. I laugh at his single-mindedness and continue down the street, letting my day’s ill-humor leave me for a moment as I challenge him to a footrace down the street and through the woods to my house, which I win just barely. “Goten-chan!” My mother calls reprovingly. “What in the world are you doing, being so late?” I come to a stop inside and kick my shoes off while supporting myself on the doorframe. “Nothing, Kaa-san, I..” ...Tried to think of an excuse. “It’s my fault, Chichi-san,” Trunks said, stepping in smoothly. “I kept him out. I’m really sorry.” “Trunks is staying for dinner,” I informed her, and she kept a carefully blank face until I’d left the room, when I thought I heard the sound of her wooden spoon snapping in two. My mother’s no Saiya-jin, but the entire species is afraid of her. “You didn’t have to do that, Trunks-kun.” I said after thanking him in my room. “De nada,” he told me, and I snorted as I noticed he had been awake in Spanish class that day. “Goten!” My mother called, obviously having gotten over being upset already. Trunks stood aside and opened the door as I started going through my drawers for something I’d suddenly remembered I’d need tomorrow. “Nani kashira, Kaa-san?” I yelled. “Your brother’s family is coming for dinner.” “Wakarimashita,” I replied as Trunks closed the door. “What do you mean, you understand?” “It means she doesn’t have to lecture me to be good and not to tease Pan.” Trunks suddenly paled. “Pan!” “What?” I asked uncertainly as I paused to look at him. “She.....” Trunks paused and then sighed, plunking himself down onto my bed. “Pan likes me,” he growled under his breath. “......” I blinked. “Haaaaa ha ha!!” I end up sitting down and doing the idiot’s laugh, holding my stomach. “Yeah right.” I wonder if my brother would allow it if she did? “I’m serious, she.... “ he shook his head furiously. “She really does like me.” “Funny,” I decide at last, and he glares. “You brought me here, you can pay me back for covering for you by keeping her away from me.” “Oh yeah right, Trunks. She’ll give up as soon as she sees she doesn’t have a chance with you. She’s not as stubborn as you, you know.” I tried to keep from grinning at the thought of my niece dating my best friend, who was at least twice her age. “Do you know how long she’s liked me?” “No; do you?” “No... but it’s a really long time!” He glares at me to get his seriousness across. “I use every given opportunity to point out that I don’t like her, and she still looks at me like I rule the world.” “Well... you rule a species,” I point out, deliberately being contrary to annoy him. “Nearly, anyway.” “Yeah right, Tou-san would die laughing before he let me rule the species, but that’s beside the point!” His momentary amusement fades back into something with a trace of fear. “Well, I’ll admit that she has a lot of staying power, for a Son....” I tilt my head and look at the ceiling, considering. “I’ll help if it gets too bad, then. Wouldn’t want you torn limb from limb or anything.” Trunks gives me a grateful but mistrustful look, as if to say ‘Who decides what’s too bad?’ It’s about a half hour until my brother arrives, his wife in tow. Pan bursts in a second later, and runs to me for a hug. She seems to act cute whenever everybody’s around. I wonder how she can pull off that and being the hell-demon Trunks claims she is. I put her back down on the ground and look around as Trunks creeps out of my room, warily. “Trunks!” Pan exclaims, blushing just slightly. I laugh to myself; So it’s true after all! “Hi.... Pan-chan.” Trunks holds one hand up and spreads his fingers without moving them in a wave. She smiles and comes to stand in front of him, with those big shiny eyes. She looks at us all that way when it’s family, so no wonder no one noticed. Mom sits us all in the living room, and Trunks quickly claims a spot on the two-person couch next to me. Pan, after all the chairs are filled, sits at his feet. He leans back, looking unemotional. Nice cover, Trunks. I have to keep from laughing a great many times, whenever I glance at them. But Trunks glares when he catches me, and it shuts me up just enough. The phone rings, and Kaa-san goes to get it. When she comes back out, she addresses Trunks and I. “That was Bulma-san on the phone. She says she has to go on a business trip, and she wants you and Bra to stay here.” Trunks manages not to glance down at Pan. “Naze da? We’re fine at home.” He acts as though his mother’s presumption hurts his manhood. “Besides, Tou-san’s always around.... somewhere...” he shrugs, and I laugh quietly, knowing full well that neither of the kids know where their father is at any given time. “I think she’s having mercy on you, so you don’t have to look after your sister. Vegeta-san’s going with her.” Trunks makes a face. I also know full well that Bra only behaves when her father could possibly be within earshot. He sits back with a frown and I laugh for a minute. Then I stop to think. Bra’s coming over. “Trunks, I think we need to talk about something really fast, it’s just something I learned in class, in need to see you in the other room...!” Hopefully that answered Gohan’s questioning look. Trunks allows himself to be dragged from the couch and into my room, where I close the door in my sudden panic and lean against it. “What in the _world_ is your problem, Goten?” Trunks asks in consternation, crossing his arms. “You...Pan...” I take a breath, making gesturing motions between myself and him. “Bra...! Me....! She...” I make a ‘you know...’ kind of gesture, and Trunks gets his revenge by laughing at me for a solid five minutes. “What?!” I explode. “It can’t be _that_ funny!” I pick up a heavy pillow and throw it at his head, and he catches it and looks at me around it; I’m standing on the hardwood floor with feet apart and a fist clenched. “It’s not...” he allows, “The funny part is what my father would do to you if he....! Ha haa!” Trunks resumes laughing, and I growl in frustration and roll up my sleeve. “Hey!” My door bursts inward without warning, as Pan walks in on me on top of Trunks on the bed, both of us wrestling. “Baa-chan says the hyenas need to come to dinner!” She frowned at us. “Can’t now, busy beating up Trunks!” I insist and try to pull my hands from his, where he has our fingers locked so I can’t throw one at his face. “Now!” Kaa-san yells from the other room, making me pause and consider, just long enough for Trunks to throw me off onto the floor. Pan’s father calls her, and I rub my surely bruised hip, still frustrated as the doorbell rings and I hear Bra’s voice in the other room. Trunks rises from the bed, face flushed from laughing, and eyes still shining with amusement. He reaches down a hand and picks me up, and I sigh. “Come on, we’ll work together,” he says. “Let’s get lost after dinner, kay? Let’s go flying.” “They can fly,” I point out under my breath as we go into the hallway. “So? Not as good as us.” We grab seats at the table, and Bra conveniently finds a seat on my other side. She smiles at me, and I kind of wave a little stupidly at her. Trunks is staring at his plate when I glance over at him, with a superior smirk. Whatever makes him think he’s special, I’m not sure. Bra’s hand lands on mine several times during the evening, and she blushes as I apologize at first. Then I just give up and pull my hand away silently. Pan and Trunks appear to have no physical incidents, although she engages him in embarrassing conversation that I have to lead him out of. Trunks asks for certain items on the table just as Bra tries make a move on me. Trunks beckons me when we retire from the table, and I pull my shoes on as Trunks waits outside. Just as I’m going out the door, I yell, “Kaa-san, Trunks and I are going out flying! Bye Nii-chan, bye Videl-san, bye Pan-chan....” and the best part, “...bye Bra-chan!” The door slams as I take off into the sky and Trunks quickly catches up. “Where do you want to go?” “I dunno.” It is hot and humid out, and getting dark. “I want to go home.” “....” Trunks pauses as if deciding whether or not to laugh at me, and says finally, “Race you to Okinawa.” “You’re on!” ******** “It’s really strange about those two, they’ve always been in together on so many schemes, and we usually never found out what they were.” I take a drink of tea, and my wife looks at me with a smile, knowing firsthand some of those experiences. My mother looks at me with a warmth I’ve never seen her display for my little brother, and briefly I wonder why. When he was little, she was always sad when she looked at him, like she could only see father. “I don’t know, I suppose they’re just born trouble-makers,” she replies, affectionate if not exactly happy about it. After a while the conversation begins to drift until it’s about female things between my wife and mother, and I excuse myself to go wander the house. Speaking of the Demonic Duo, could remember several of their incidents that made me laugh. I sit out back thinking about my little brother. He’s really something else again; there’s no one in the family like him. I mean, sure, he’s a lot like Tou-san, but he has a lot more dimension to him than my father ever did. His eyes hide things about himself, and it’s strange. When he gets in a mood, it’s hard to look at us and tell we’re related. //“Gohan-chan, come meet your new brother!”// I look around, whip sharp, sure I’d heard those words clear as day, only realizing after a moment that it was all in my head. I remember my mother coming home with him very well, and I remember the emotions in her eyes when she held the baby boy. //”Gohan-chan, watch Goten. Don’t let Trunks play with him.”// There was a phrase that was only heard once. When was that? I wondered about it for a moment frowning, before it finally came to me. I was eleven, twelve, and Goten was only a few months old. Trunks had been six months or more, somewhere around there. Our mothers had been visiting as they had wont to do pretty often back then. The baby was lying on a blanket in the living room, and Trunks was sitting by the coffee table. Bulma-san and Kaa-san had left the room, and that was my mother’s parting warning. Both of the mothers were worried that Trunks, still being so little, would see Goten and want to play with him, like a doll. Goten was a fair bit smaller, but that changed later in life. Right now, I only remembered how rough Trunks was with his toys at home. Quite a few were broken. I watched TV, keeping my peripheral vision peeled for movement. I didn’t really worry, though, since Trunks didn’t like to relocate himself. It was an odd habit of his; most parents said that once their kid could walk, he was running and climbing into everything. Trunks could walk if he wanted to, but he usually chose for some reason not to, crawling or simply crying until the adults appeased him again. He had it pretty good, though Bulma worried for him occasionally. As the TV blared mindlessly, however, I saw a little hand reach up and grasp the corner of the table. Goten was suddenly quiet, whereas before he’d been kicking his little feet and waving his little fists and making adorable little baby noises. I turn my head slightly, watching Trunks’ determined eyes as he used the table to pull himself up to a standing position. He got a triumphant look as he stood on his own. I watched with amusement, muting the TV and popping a chip into my mouth and crunching it as Trunks maneuvered himself around, heading straight across the room to where Goten lay on his blanket. Curious, I moved off the couch and around the coffee table, getting on my knees not too far from Goten’s blanket. Trunks came to a teetering stop, standing just past the edge of the blanket, looking at Goten like he was something else again, some weird thing that had been introduced into his world like... I dunno, flying pigs, or his father’s presence. Oops... shouldn’t say that aloud. Trunks was clutching his favorite blanket in one hand, and a rattle in the other. He looked down from one to the other, then back at Goten. He reached out and flung the blanket at Goten. //Good choice.// The blanket fell over his face, and Goten made a questioning sound, a drawn out coo as he wiggled under the blanket and finally pushed it off slowly, one pointed section of hair at a time emerging. His little fists gripped the edge of the blanket and shook it gently, giggling. My gaze moved to Trunks, who frankly looked ecstatic. He seemed thrilled that there was something so lifelike that was down low enough for him to play with. He took a step onto Goten’s blanket, and another, but his little foot caught under the edge and he lost his balance, arms pinwheeling as he went down. I darted forward to catch Trunks before he crushed Goten, but no luck; he crashed right onto the baby and both made a slight Oof! sound. I smacked myself in the forehead, but my mental cringing was interrupted by a giggle. I opened one eye warily, to see Goten reaching up, giggling, to poke Trunks in the cheek experimentally. He laughed some more and the two began a half play, half wrestling routine. I watched, blinking, somewhat impressed by how quickly they were taking to each other. Trunks seemed to think Goten’s hair was fascinating. He was having a kind of ‘What’s that?’ reaction. Goten, on the other hand, decided to pull Trunks’ little cat-ear hat from his head and slobber on it. I let out the breath I was holding as the two seemed unharmed. Trunks was a quiet baby, but he laughed now with Goten. Usually his mouth only opened to food, and to cry whenever his mother made his father hold him. That coupled with his unwillingness to walk gave him quite a bit of weight over the infant Goten. I moved over beside the blanket. “You, Goten, are certainly part of the family.” Trunks and Goten paused and gave me looks; kind of half-smiles. Which was odd on Trunks’ part, since he never smiled at adults, and Goten had not really ever bothered to look at me yet. They were both really cute. “Gohan-chan, we’re back!” I glanced left and right, and snatched Trunks up into my arms. Our mothers came in just then, and Bulma-san smiled as my mother asked what I was doing. “I, uh... Trunks wanted to see Goten. I think they like each other,” I said. I pulled Trunks against my chest, and he held on to me but when I looked at him he seemed a bit put-out that I’d interrupted his play. “Why is Goten chewing on Trunks’ hat?” Bulma asked, and all I could say was... “He’s not. He doesn’t have teeth yet.” I laughed to myself as the night came into focus again. The two them had always been close... when they were still little, sometimes one or the other of our mothers would take them, and put them down in the same bed. Trunks would always comfort Goten when he had nightmares. I’d seen it on occasion. It seemed as they got older that Trunks drew himself, emotionally anyhow, farther away from the world, but I could still tell how fond he was of Goten. Lately Goten had seemed troubled when someone had mentioned Trunks. I couldn’t help but wonder what was up. Trunks had gotten quite distant, moreso in the past few months. Was it my imagination? Maybe it was... I guess I wouldn’t know unless I asked them, but even if I did, I very much doubted that I would even understand the answer they gave. They were the only ones who understood each other. ******** I slept on a futon on Goten’s floor, as was usual when I was there. My sister slept on the couch. Gohan and his family had left a long time ago, so I was free of Pan. For some reason, however, I found that I wasn’t too keen on the idea of Bra liking my best friend, and I found myself frowning a lot as Goten fought to pull himself out of several delicate situations. I think Chichi’s starting to look at them funny. Saa, what am I expected to do about it? I ignore that twinge in the back of my consciousness and let them alone, only occasionally interfering when Goten’s eyes beg me for help. I play it cool as usual. My father taught me that. He shows it though, when you piss him off. Me, they call me the “Brick Wall.” Maybe I just have more to hide. Maybe it’s since I don’t hide things because 'I’m a prince', like he does. I guess I’ll never know. For days my sister lost her imperial manner, that way of carrying herself that she learned from being raised nearly exclusively by my father, or as close to exclusively as my mom would let him get with her little girl. I’m her kid, and I always will be. Whether I like it or not. Tonikaku, Pan came over a lot, since I was there I think. Or maybe I’m giving myself a big head, but I asked Goten and he just shrugged. “I don’t talk to her much,” was his excuse. Age difference. Goten went to the store. It was raining. He was flying. I think he’s crazy. But my sister insisted he take her with him. I know she’ll be miserable, so it’s pretty funny to me. Goten loves rain and sun and especially snow, when he can sneak up behind me and shove a snowball in the back of my pants. Hits the tail spot. Numbs the brain. Bra’s a fair-weather fiend. Yes, fiend. She usually was, but she was sweet and nice, and she was all smiles for him. She cheered when he said he’d buy her lunch. I laid back on his bed and clicked on a light as the thunder rolled outside. Pan came in and sat on the end of the bed. I have no idea why. I was reading a book, and chose to make-believe I was too absorbed to notice. It was a good book. It was one of the few of Goten’s books that had those creases on the spine, from when you read it a whole lot. I’d given it to him a long time ago. Pan sighed and leaned back against the wall, feet stretched across the end of the bed. I licked my thumb and turned a page, bringing that arm up behind my head and holding the book in my other hand. I yawned a few times. I was just about to turn out the light and take one of those fifty-pound rainy-day naps when Pan said my name. “Whaddaya want?” I said around a yawn. I plopped the book face down on my chest and looked at her over it. She had that look. It must be something about her family, ‘cause Goten gets that look when he really really _really_ wants something from me. He doesn’t use it very often. “Do you have anything you’re doing next Friday?” She began, putting on her sweet-and-nice act and kind of twirling her forefingers. “Wakarimasen; naze da?” It came out slow, mistrustful. “Because I wanted to ask you a favor....” I sighed. Goten sighed beside me. “We’re idiots,” I told him slowly. “Yeah......” he said, then perked up when he realized he had some soda left in his cup. Pan and Bra had begged us to do it. Our mothers made us. Mine over the phone, no less. I swear, it’s the only reason we were here. “I _will_ make Kaa-san _pay dearly_ for this,” I insisted yet again. “Shut _up_,” Goten said, getting tired of that particular phrase. “Come on, at least they’re not over _here_. It’s just us guys over here.” Goten banged his cup and got up to retrieve more drinks for us. “Saa,” I insisted as he sat down again. “‘Us guys’ would rather be anywhere else.” “Well... maybe you’ll get your chance.” Pan was coming over this way. “Let’s go home,” she suggested. I glanced at Goten. “Where’s Bra?” “I ‘unno. I’m tired.” I would admit that every blue moon or so, Pan made a pretty young girl. She was wearing a dress, red, her favorite color, and her hair had been done nicely by her mother. I sighed and rose from my seat, and Goten looked sad that he would be all alone. “Well, I feel kinda bad, leaving Goten...” I said to Pan. But then again, she wanted to leave, and that meant I could finally go home from this stupid dance-thing at her school, and I could get some well-deserved sleep. Sacrifices must be made. Goten would understand. “Go get your coat,” I told her. “I’ll meet you at the front door.” As she left I turned to Goten. “What a miserable evening, huh?” “Yeah,” Goten muttered glumly. “I coulda been cruising for a hot date of my own.” He pointed across the room to where Bra was being chatted up by a nice-looking blond boy. He saw me glaring at him and brought more of his little friends in a circle around Bra for protection. I was less than pleased. I looked down at Goten for a moment with another sigh. I suppose I could work up the adrenaline, for his sake. After all, the guy’s my best friend and all. “Come find me after you go home,” I told him with a smile. “We’ll go do something so the whole day’s not a total waste.” Goten perked up a bit and nodded. I went to find Pan and take her home. “Did you have fun?” Pan asked. I pretended I hadn’t heard. She frowned when she got no answer. I suppose she took it for the truth, since my mind was screaming ‘Nonono!’ I turned the corner, saying, “Does your dad want you home, or at Goten’s?” “Home,” she said, and I nodded. It was a shorter trip. I bid her goodbye as she got out of the car, looking as though she had something to think about. I wondered what on earth that possibly could be. I waved as she went in the house, and then pulled away, turning the radio up. “//Yarusenai, saenai, nemurenai...//” I turned it up louder and adjusted the treble so that the woman’s voice floated high above the booming bass. It penetrated and numbed my mind just enough to prepare me for sleep. I was determined to get at least a bit before Goten came for me. With that in mind, I stepped on the gas, just a bit. ******** I arrived home to sleepy faces and controlled chaos. “What’s going on?” I asked my mother as she walked through the living room on the cordless telephone. Kaa-san never spoke on the phone if she didn’t have to, and never this late at night. Bra paused behind me, uncertain. She moved to change her clothes, and my mother paused long enough to tell Bra to put some clothes on, not pajamas. “Kaa-san, nani kashira?” I insisted, frowning slightly. I got no answer. “.... It’s not that bad, is it?...” She sounded concerned, but I was too tired to care. Bra came out in her red miniskirt, and she watched my mother with growing concern. At last she sidled up to me. “Where’s Trunks-nii-chan?” I looked down at her and frowned. I looked left and right, and searched the house for him. He had left a long time before Bra and I and he should have been back now, but he wasn’t anywhere to be found. Of course, it was entirely possible he’d stopped to eat (the food there was lousy), or just gone off by himself. I went out to the living room and stood again, watching my mother walk by and listening in confusion to her one-sided conversation. “It’s on the next road?” I shoved my hands in my pockets and thought. Bra grabbed one of my arms, and asked again about her brother. “I don’t know,” I said, sounding a little annoyed to myself as I thought about it. “Goten.” I glanced up as my mother set the phone down across the room. There was a strange feeling in me, that I realized had been there before. I recognized it only when she said my name that way, and I dropped my hands and let Bra cling to one of them, confused. “There’s been an accident. Trunks is...” I swear I didn’t hear the rest. I know Bra didn’t either. She was very still, her hands slipping from mine. “And... Pan?” I asked at last. “She wasn’t in the car.” I waited outside the room. I’m such a coward. My mother went in, and Bra tarried in indecision before stopping and looking up at me. “Aren’t you going in?” She asked, her lips barely moving. “Yeah. Yeah, I am in a minute.” I’m a coward. After a moment, Kaa-san came back out to us. Her face was starched and set in place. “You can’t see him now.” “What?” Bra sounded incredulous that she was being denied entry. Her voice sharpened slightly, but my mother didn’t reply. “A-alright then,” I said, and stepped back one step. Bra looked at me and her brows knit together. “I want to see my brother!” “No,” I said, surprising myself. “Kaa-san would know if you could go in.” “Goten!” She fumed, whirling around to me and forgetting her manners. “Hush,” I told her and gathered her to my side, pulling her along the hallway against her will. “You let me go!” Funny, at another time that would have been the last thought that came out of her mouth. “My brother’s hurt! Don’t you care about him at all?” I stopped and whirled her around. “You listen to me,” I told her, not angrily but matter-of-factly. “I’ve been his best friend since Gohan was in middle school.” She always says my brother is old. “There’s no way I couldn’t care what happens to him.” “I don’t understand!” She cried, stomping one foot. “There’s just some things you can’t see, Bra.” I took her down and bought her a doughnut in the cafeteria. Bra didn’t know my mother nearly as well as I did. I knew that it must have been pretty bad if she wouldn’t let us go in. I did know that he would be going for surgery soon, which was also an indicator of how bad it was. Bra sat across from me and ate slowly, her hands shaking. I knew she wasn’t hungry but she tried to eat. I gave her an encouraging smile when she looked up at me, and she burst into tears. “Bra-chan,” I said softly. “Come now. Calm down.” “Kuso yo, Son Goten!” She yelled loudly and turned away. I sighed and took a deep drink of my soda. Bra would touch nothing else. I bought a cup of coffee and took it and Bra upstairs to where my mother sat in the waiting area near Trunks’ room. “It’ll be a while,” she said softly as I handed her her coffee and sat Bra down across from her. Bra’s face still showed dried tears, but she looked composed. Her eyes were glazed with exhaustion. I couldn’t sit. I paced around and drank more soda, briefly wishing I smoked. My mother told me she had called Bulma, who was now working on canceling the rest of her trip. I nodded and took a walk around the floor, coming back to find Kaa-san gone and Bra asleep in her chair. I think, just at that moment, I loved her. She’s the sister I never expected to have. That was how I’d come to think of her. I don’t know what she felt for me, but I could only call her “family.” “Bra-chan.” It took a little repetition. “Muuhh?” She blinked and raised her head, looking around at me. I pulled her to her feet and she didn’t bother to ask where I was taking her. She tramped along sleepily after me, and I stopped and pushed open a door. Bra blinked in the dim light and looked up, seeing her brother in the bed, in what could only be described as a lower-body cast. My heart hurt to see him like that. “Oh, Nii-chan..” Bra said, her hands flying to her mouth as she moved over and laid her head on the side of Trunks’ bed, not touching him. His face was paler than any living person should be allowed to be. His eyes and mouth were shut tightly, and he was in such a deeply drug-induced sleep that he didn’t move, barely breathed. I swore softly for a moment or two, as this was the first chance I’d had to see him as well. My mother was in the shadows. She ignored me. Bra raised her head; I think my harsh language scared her more. I never swore in front of her. “What happened?” “They say it was a drunk driver,” my mother replied. “He died.” “Hmph,” I replied, immediately putting the other driver from my mind. I stepped closer to Trunks, and looked down at him. I had never seen him so still. I had no thoughts of death, it was only my intuitive knowledge of him that had me disturbed. After a while, Kaa-san took Bra out of the room. She called my name, then came over to pull me by the arm. She couldn’t budge me with all the strength in her body, and I knew it. “It’s time to go home. You need some rest, and so does Bra.” “Then you take her home,” I told her. “I ain’t going.” And that’s all I had to say about it. ******** Everything in my body was strangely disconnected. I was in a dark place, gray-black, or black-gray. My eyelids were exceptionally heavy. I learned that as I pried them open with all the strength I could muster. It was daytime. The curtains were drawn. Sunlight’s rays tried in vain to penetrate the room, and I moved my head slowly to look around. My neck didn’t feel connected, but my head did move. Goten? Yes, that had to be him. He was asleep in the chair near my bed. One leg was crossed over the other, one elbow on the armrest, chin resting on the back of his hand, magazine open in his lap. Head dipped down in sleep, lips slightly parted as he breathed. I scented the air carefully, something I think most Saiya-jin could do pretty well. The place was not familiar, but had a tang of circuitry and cleaners. I don’t want to know why I’m in a hospital. I look down at myself last of all, and am greeted by an expanse of piled blankets. My legs are _not_ that big. And I can’t feel them. I try as hard as I can to move them, or even feel them. All I can detect is a distant heaviness, maybe a faint buzzing. “Goten...” I want answers. “Goten.” He doesn’t even move. I took a breath, trying to repress the sharpening of my voice, as though it was knew enough to panic and the rest of me didn’t. “Goten!” I snapped out. Goten bolted upright, spilling a previously unseen cup of soda on his shirt. He curses and grabs a cloth to wipe his hands, ignoring the cup as it falls to the floor. He’s over at my side in a flash. His hands find one of mine, and his large unnaturally dark eyes stare down into mine. I hold my breath for a moment at his expression. It takes a moment for him to summon a smile for me. “Hey... how are you feeling?” “Not much of anything,” I informed him, ignoring that fact that he hadn’t said _what_. “What happened?” Goten’s fragile expression was punctured, and his brows knit as he told me everything he knew. “I.... see,” I told him after a moment of deliberating, which was actually a front to hide my momentary panic. I swallow hard several times and am pretty sure that Goten is not fooled. “Don’t worry about a thing, Trunks... okay?” He is concerned for me, and I can tell several things from his tone. One is that he is fumbling for some kind of assurances. Another is that he has none; no words he can apply to me. Another thing I hear dimly is a kind of determination. Not the state of being, but more like a declaration. Like there’s something he intends to do and he’ll see it done. I just shake my slightly aching head and dismiss it all from my mind. I blink. I swear that’s all it was, and my mother is leaning over me, increased light in the room lighting her hair like a blue angel. My father is glimpsed farther off, arms crossed, but at least he is standing at the edge of my bed, acting as though he cares. Maybe he does, somewhere deep down. As the years passed and he took a achingly clear preference to my sister over me, I took a somewhat dimmer view of his emotional state. Maybe I just don’t care anymore whether he loves me or not. Goten is across the room. I wonder briefly who opened the blinds, but the sunlight makes Goten look far too pale. He doesn’t look well at all. I want to talk to him, but my mother is all over me. She hugs me, (gingerly,) and starts apologizing all at once. I always wondered why people’s first reaction to anything bad is an apology. People are just insecure. I blink a few times and squint up at her, trying to phase in on her words. I start to catch them after a while. “... as soon as you’re out of here-” “Calm down, Kaa-san. It doesn’t hurt.” Which is a lie. Focusing is harder than it was before, and there is pain now, that wraps itself around my consciousness and tries like an evil demon to drag me down and scour my consciousness from the face of the world. Goten’s brows lower in my direction, my peripheral vision tells me. The boy is not book-smart, but when it comes to me he knows more than... me. He knows too damn much. My sister is in the room, but she doesn’t come near me. I imagine she had already seen all she could take, or she would come to me. We’re a bit closer than most people bother to see. The door is flung open suddenly and Pan runs to me, past my mother and throws herself toward the bed, gripping the edge. “Trunks, this is all my fault!” She declares, and Gohan runs into the room after her, followed a moment later by Videl. “It’s okay Pan, it’s not your fault,” I tell her. I don’t think I’m very soothing, but at the least it’s the truth. “If I hadn’t asked you to go you wouldn’t have even been out of the house that night!” She looks to be on the verge of tears, and my eyes widen, incredulous at her reasoning. “Yeah, then a meteor would have crushed the house and I’d be dead. You don’t control stuff like that, Pan,” I inform her. Her father takes her aside and the door opens again. “Everybody out,” a doctor informs them. He comes over to check my chart. He sets a small cup next to my water. “Take that. Everybody go, he needs to rest for a while.” Goten comes to help me sit up enough to take it. The doctor asks him to go after the others are all out, but I shake my head. Goten sits in the chair next to me and doesn’t say a word. The doctor begins to explain to me the severity of my injuries. Of course, it doesn’t really sink in. Something about nerves and bones... “Try that over again,” I say, and the doctor thinks for a moment. “As soon as the bones in your legs are healed, we’ll take off the casts and put you in rehabilitation. But the nerves in your spine that control a lot of the movement of the bones and muscles below the waist have been bruised or severed. We gave you an operation intended to restore several of them. The procedure is uncertain, and it works just as many times as it fails. In short... we’re not really sure if you’ll even be able to walk again.” He continues, but the words are gentle as if he knows I have a hard time listening to him anymore. After a bit he gives Goten some directions for my care and leaves and I look at the ceiling, brow furrowed in thought. “So... so no big deal, right?” Goten jokes weakly. “You can just fly everywhere.” I don’t bother to answer, and he turns his head aside with a muttered apology. “It’s kinda scary,” I told him at long last. His lips press tightly together. “I bet.” “I did wonder why I couldn’t feel anything down there.” I raised my head enough to glance down at the end of the bed, and I offered Goten the smallest smile. He makes a small sound as if he’s trying to acknowledge my humor, but it’s just a sound and his face doesn’t move, even to blink. “Lighten up, Goten. There’s nothing you can do about it.” “I’m going to hit you if you don’t start taking it seriously!” Goten vows as he takes my empty cup and refills it with water, slamming it onto the table enough to make several fat drops land on the table and shine with light from the window. “I am, believe me. But everybody’s so freaked out..” “Sometimes I forget,” he says after a moment. “How dispassionate you can be. I suppose it’s because...” he pauses and his eyes find mine. “... I know you’re not.” I make no comment. He probably does. “But... like I said, you don’t have to worry.” I look at him, just a bit uncomfortable. “No one ever said you had to take responsibility for me,” I informed him. “No, they didn’t. Demo...” Goten pauses as though trying to find words to explain it. “Kuso yo, Trunks! There’s just some things you have to do!” His brows meet and he appears annoyed. For a long time I look at him. My only real question is why you have to do those things you have to do. “I’m very demanding.” “I know.” His face has smoothed, and he is calm once again. “Open the window,” I ask after a moment, and he does. We don’t speak of it again. ********

The Long Road Home, part 2 By: Chocolate-chan Goten blew off class for several days and made no excuses to our mother. She came to see them both often, as Goten simply refused to leave the hospital. We all knew there was really no way she could make him, but Goten had never abused his superior strength in regard to disobeying his mother before this point. It was a fairly tasteless and rude tactic. He was very good at it. And no one seemed to blame him at all, even Kaa-san. The last time she took him books. “You will study, and you will attend school to take tests. If you do not pass, you will go to school full-time.” Goten nodded and thanked his mother in a quiet murmur and didn’t look at her. He was exceptionally pale. His eyes were large and trembled slightly; he looked exhausted. Trunks was regaining his color, where he’d lost it before to injuries. Goten was simply awake constantly and barely ate. Didn’t blame him for that. I took him by the arm as Kaa-san went to see Trunks. She had brought Bulma-san with her, and she was already in the room with her son. I grabbed my brother before he could enter the room and took him to the cafeteria. “Here,” I muttered, pulling out a fast-food bag I’d concealed in my jacket and sitting down across from him. Goten smiles at me and digs in, devouring everything, even the onions. He hates onions. “You look like you’re running yourself ragged,” I say as I watch him. “Others can share duty, you know. You don’t need to worry our mother so much.” “She’s the only one you ever think of, isn’t she, Nii-chan?” My brother asks, not looking at me. “Nani yo?” “You don’t even think of yourself before her. Why not?” I sigh and search my early memories. “Tou-san was always around to make sure nothing happened to us when I was little. After that...” meaning after he died, and he knew it, “I had a mother and a baby brother and no father. I had to make sure that nothing happened to either of you. She’s.. a lot more fragile than you. When you got older you didn’t need me so much anymore. And before you ask about my family, Pan can take care of herself in most situations, and against other humans Videl is fine as well. Mom can’t even do that.” He seemed to understand, so we let it go. “I understand how you feel about Trunks.” “Do you?” he asks, taking a drink of water and staring into the middle distance between us in the tabletop. “I understand that you want to make sure he’s okay,” I amended. “But you have to take care of yourself too.” “It’s not just that...” Goten began, his large dark eyes fixing aside with a delicate grimace. “He needs someone around to help him... like, someone who stays to keep him from getting bored out of his mind, or keep him comfortable. His...” he pauses as though what he’s saying is close to something he should never reveal. “His emotional state is closely connected to his physical state, and both are... tricky to balance right now.” I would admit that I was duly impressed; I was among the many people who never considered Trunks’ emotions because he simply never displayed them. I know that most people would be feeling pretty down at this point. Believe it or not, Trunks is a person. “You need sleep,” I tell my little brother with the voice of authority. Sometimes being a big brother is more than keeping them from bodily harm. Sometimes you have to inflict it too. ******** I didn’t feel well at all. For one thing, I was in pain. It was centered in my spine. My medicine had worn off half an hour ago, and I wasn’t allowed to have a dose for another two hours, on risk of death. I had to listen to my mother and Chichi-san for a long time. Thankfully, Gohan came and shooed them away. Then he told me Goten went with them. Needless to say, this left me less than thrilled. He brought me water and dutifully ignored my pleas for drugs. Then he sat across the room to do some paperwork, telling me if there was anything I needed to say something. I was used to Goten’s constant attentive care; in other words, spoiled. I used to look up to Gohan. I still respect him, but I don’t want to grow up to be him anymore. Even if my mother wants me to. She wants me to be like him and run Capsule Corp. I say, Why can’t Bra do it? She changes the subject. I suppose it’s one thing she won’t have me arguing about. I sit and stew in my dissatisfaction, even as I remind myself of how demanding I am, and know that Goten deserves a break. You can tell the effectiveness of my medication by the way I talk to him. The medicine works less the more often I take it. Poor Goten. But I fidget and cross my arms and get Gohan to open the window; my voice is a snap, and he raises his eyebrows and doesn’t comment. I could do without that; Goten doesn’t comment either, but he doesn’t raise his eyebrows. It’s annoying. At least I’m starting to feel a little sleepy, but my back hurts and no shifting will alleviate it. Not like I can shift much anyway, dragging my legs like a carcass. I think back and try to remember the accident. I wonder briefly if I was careless, but I’m usually careful and that night I didn’t feel so different. I don’t know. I just remember checking to see if I had the right-of-way, then pulling out, and there was a sudden light to my left. My mind froze for a moment, and by the time I was moving (the movement of the car wasn’t helping), it was probably too late. I remember something white-hot and a slicing pain. It’s annoying too. It’s too hot in the damn room. And Gohan’s pen keeps scratching. “Dammit Gohan, cut that out!” My mother would die to hear me. Gohan pauses and lifts one eyebrow. He appears to think to himself before putting it away. I cross my arms tighter and sink deeper into the bed. I must have dropped off for a bit, because next thing I know Gohan is touching my shoulder, shaking me gently. He says something about my medicine and I growl at him, wanting more sleep. “I don’t want you,” I inform him through what feels like a mouthful of cotton. “I want Goten.” I try to turn over away from him but he still doesn’t leave me alone. It comes out like a mumble, so maybe he didn’t hear me. “I don’t _want_ you, I want _Goten_!” I repeat loudly and slap his hands away. “I’m here,” cuts through whatever Gohan is about to say. Gohan stands and turns, and I pull my blanket up around my ears as I turn painstakingly away. I didn’t exactly intend for him to hear that. “I told you to go home,” Gohan says. “I did, Nii-chan,” Goten says smoothly enough. “I woke up again.” He moves to my side and offers me two bright red pills on his palm. The pretty color appeals to me, and I open my eyes enough to look at them. I associate “red” with “Hospital Painkillers” and allow myself to be maneuvered into taking them. Then I turn away from Gohan and sulk until he takes his brother aside to give him last-minute instructions. Goten is left alone with me after another moment and he comes around to the side I am facing, undeterred by my expression. He smiles and asks me how I’m feeling now, and I’m somewhat appeased. “Genki desu ne,” I inform him and close my eyes. “What’s that tone for?” There wasn’t a tone; he just knows. “You left.” “My big brother made me. Did I hurt your feelings?” “Yes,” I say. “Gohan’s a bad nurse.” He knows my feelings weren’t hurt and that I was annoyed. I open one eye to find him grinning at me. I don’t think I like it very much. But I can put up with Goten fine. “Whaddid Gohan-san say?” “He was forced to make a commentary on your behavior,” Goten says cheerfully. “Ending with how childish you seemed, and how you reminded him of when you were so little the only word of that you could have said was apparently ‘_Goten_!’” He finished with an even bigger smile, if that was possible. I affect my best surly attitude, and look at him. “Nani?” “Gohan says your first word was ‘Goten.’ Whether or not that’s true, I dunno. Most kids say ‘mama’ or something first, don’t you think?” He did look a little curious. A breeze ruffled his hair slightly, and I opened my mouth. He went and closed the window without looking at me, so I closed my mouth again. “Wakarimasen,” I said truthfully enough. I’m not overly fond of small children. “It makes since though.” “What do you mean?” Goten asked. I could tell he was trying not to appear flattered, so I just shook my head and closed my eyes. ******** So I couldn’t tell him. I couldn’t tell him why I had to stay at his side. It was an implied question every time he looked at me. But he seemed to know better than to ask. I am sometimes curious as to whether he can read me when I don’t want to be read as well as I read him at the same moments. I hope not. I picked up Gohan’s last abandoned magazine as Trunks drifts off to sleep. I read the current news and gulp... then realize it’s and old magazine. Well, I can’t exactly remember the date, but I think the last time Gohan was here was a week ago. I’ve been here so long I can’t remember. One good thing; our families bring me food. Whenever Bulma-san comes to see her son, which is pretty often, she brings me food, if I’m lucky something she’s made herself. She keeps trying to thank me for staying with Trunks, when she knows that after all this time stuck in bed he’s probably horrible to me. It’s true, he’s getting worse but I don’t blame him at all. I shake my head and think of something to do, or just start eating. I always offer Trunks some after she’s gone. She doesn’t bring him any, because nearly everyone who’s come to see him has gotten in trouble, and they’ve threatened to move him to Intensive Care if we don’t cut it out. Trunks’ sleeping patterns are sporadic, and I often wake to him shouting at me. He’s never angry at me, but he doesn’t seem to like me sleeping when he’s awake. As I’ve said, he’s awful. He mostly yells about wanting to ‘get out of his damn bed’ and eat a pizza. He wants pizza. Strange craving, I think. He is glaring at me across the room now, a generally frustrated look. I smile, but I think it’s wearing thin, because his next words are “Cut it out. You’re making _my_ face hurt.” That makes me smile for real, but after that I keep a rather impassive expression. “If you don’t be nice I’ll make you do my homework.” His eyes had closed, but he now opened. “Okay...” he says slowly. Frankly shocked, I lay my homework and a pencil down in front of him, and he finishes the problems I’d given up on. He shows them to me after he’s done, and seems to find some satisfaction in the work/tutoring session. He’s less horrible to me after that for a while, so I duck out of the room with my notebook and scribble a few hasty equations onto a piece of paper. “Hey, maybe you could help me with these problems I copied from the board...” After that I leave the hospital more often and bring him more things to do. I mean, he wasn’t exactly just sitting all the time, with his own studying to do, but I had underestimated his capacity for information. I chided myself and brought him books and things, and he started being nice to me again. His attention span was impressive. Me, I end up blowing spit bubbles in my sleep if a lecture is too long. I watched him sleep in the middle of the day. I couldn’t sleep with the sun so bright, but he always slept when it was hot. He hated heat more than ever with his casts, so he had taken to a little midday siesta. His papers were threatening to fall, so I picked them up and set them aside. I looked out the window for a while before perching on the sill and turning back to him. My silhouette blocked a good deal of the light, but I could still see. //I couldn’t tell you why.// My brother looked back on the days when Trunks and I were children with nostalgia, and we were so much younger than him that he would probably always see us that way. He was better about it than our mothers, which was a nice little plus, considering if I was ever in trouble he would be morally obligated to help me. But neither Trunks nor I were children anymore. //I wish I could tell you.// I’m so pathetic. Why do I put up with him? I guess I’ll never know. Gohan’s running commentary on him had included a description. He told me that Trunks used to treat me like a doll, when we were still very small. Apparently he would sit me somewhere and expect me to stay, which I never did because I always wanted to follow him. Then he would bring back whatever it was he wanted to play with. Gohan had, as long as I could remember, described nap time with a particularly evil glee when he teased me. His favorite picture to paint was me holding onto a teddy bear and Trunks holding onto me in much the same way. I wished he would. Well, if I could admit it to myself, we were getting somewhere. //I’m so pathetic.// I mused for a while, and Gohan brought me some more textbooks from my mother and gave me a picture. He teased me more often now, and it usually cheered me up, because he could be funny when he wanted. I took his teasing about Trunks in silence, and to force a reaction he brought a picture of the two of us when we were little. It must have been taken by one of our mothers, thinking we were cute. No one else photographed us; Gohan didn’t pay that much attention, my father probably couldn’t use a camera if his life depended on it, and Vegeta didn’t care. In it, Trunks looked sullen and sleepy, and I was grinning somewhat. One of my eyes was closed, and Trunks had me by the neck, holding me so tightly against him it looked like he was trying to choke me. The strongest impression was a little angry Trunks holding onto a teddy bear in his rumpled gi and dragging it off to his room to sleep. Gohan told me that he had titled the picture: one of Trunks’ first phrases, “_My_ Goten.” //I wish he’d say that now. I’ve got it bad.// I shove the picture back into my pocket as I turn my head aside. Trying to dismiss the thoughts had not helped me any up to this point. //I’m in love with my best friend. How awful is that?// I could feel my own expression screw up in distaste. I didn’t like complication. I gave a deep sigh as I stepped away from the window and stood over Trunks, arms crossed. //I just wish I could tell you. I’m not brave like you’ve always been.// My hand finds its way free of my self-protective stance and barely flicks a single strand of hair from his face, only to watch it fall down again. //I love you.// I walked into the room with an armload of books and a bag of doughnuts clutched in my teeth. I lean over the table and open my mouth, then search for a place to put these new books, saying as I did, “Oi, Trunks-kun! I brought that book you asked for, and-” I turned around to see him sitting up in bed and clutching something in his hands, not seeming to hear me. He is wearing his light reading glasses, and he looks up at me and raises his eyebrows, and holds the paper out facing me, between his index and middle fingers. “Where did you get this?” “My brother.” I said, blinking. “Where did _you_ get it?” “You dropped it on the floor.” He made no movement other than to speak, and blinked at me for a moment, holding the picture extended. “Why did Gohan give this to you?” I was unable to keep from blushing. “He was teasing me. You know, ‘I don’t _want_ you, I want _Goten_’? Ring a bell?” I reached out to take it back, and he pulled it just out of my reach. “And... did you title it?” He sounded vaguely amused. “I most certainly did _not_,” I informed him, reaching for it again and missing. “Gohan did.” “‘My Goten’?” Trunks asked dryly. I was forced to tell him the story. “I think I’ll be keeping this.” “Whatever for? I was going to pitch it somewhere,” I said, making it up. I had intended to keep it. Trunks’ eyes flashed. “Let’s just say, I don’t trust your family with something of this... inflammatory nature.” “Dude, what, you have enemies who’d love to post it around the campus or something?” I crossed my arms and smirked. “My brother gave it the great honor of a title. Why would you think _I’d_ do that?” “Just curious,” Trunks said mildly and tucked it somewhere I couldn’t see. “Izzat doughnuts?” I frowned heavily at him, half a dozen questions trying to cram themselves from my mouth, until I turned, decided I had no appetite and threw him the whole bag. ******** I was feeling less than happy. I thought I would feel better once I got my casts off. I did feel better, but I still couldn’t feel my legs. At least I could drag myself around a little better. They put me through a few hours of therapy, and when it produced no result they decided to perform another operation. Goten frowned heavily as he was informed, but at last nodded and said no more on it. I sat in the recovery room with the picture of the two of us clutched in my hand. I think I rolled on it at some point, because it was getting pretty crumpled up. I looked at it a lot, and... thought about things. They wouldn’t let Goten in. I took the moments to myself as I was given them, many spent in contemplation of Goten and the picture in my hands. //I guess he still is kinda ‘My Goten.’ I’ll never ever say that aloud.// “Well, I was going to give you your copy, but if you have his I’ll give it to him.” Gohan encroached upon my thoughts all of a sudden. “No, I don’t think so,” I informed him and snatched that copy from him as well. “Lemme guess.... _Your_ Goten?” I glared. “Picture, your Goten _picture_.” He clarified, holding his hands up in surrender. “Geez, kid, you got your father’s glare. Use it for good not evil.” “If I used it for good, it wouldn’t be my father’s glare, now would it.” I replied, then asked him how he got in. “Goten’s not 18,” he replied, answering my unasked question. We were both silent for a long moment. I guess Gohan’s not so bad sometimes. Silence with Gohan was a different affair than with Goten; there was very little I could tell my best friend that he didn’t know. So, Gohan’s silence implied that he was waiting for me, for me to come to a decision whether to talk to him or not. “I’m sorry I was so bad before.” I can’t help grinning slightly. “No prob,” he replies. “How are you feeling?” “I still can’t feel my legs, if that’s what you’re asking.” “No, it’s not. I asked how you were feeling.” For some reason, I like the sound of that reply. “I’m feeling just fine,” I tell him. “Just, where my legs should be I feel a swarm of really sleepy bees.” “Mm,” Gohan says, and doesn’t comment on that. “Are they putting you back in therapy?” “Hai.” I say, and we really don’t say that much until he rises to leave. “I guess you’ll be wanting these, too,” he says, and hands me another bunch of pictures. I frown at them, and then at him. “You just don’t know when to leave well-enough alone,” I inform him. “I don’t believe in ‘Well-enough,’” he informs me in return. “I just regret that it’s that much less I can tease my brother.” “What does he say, when you tease him?” I ask, unable to help myself. “Funny thing,” Gohan replies, thinking. “He doesn’t say anything at all. Not one word.” A wheelchair is a clumsy thing. For one thing, it’s hard to grab it and levitate it above traffic jams. But I brought it into my room as soon as I was allowed to go back. I stopped inside, and was silent for a moment. Goten stood at the window, his arms crossed as he gazed at the sky. I don’t remember how many times I’ve come upon him standing thus, his consciousness pushed past the glass and out into the great beyond. I wheel silently across the room, pause, and ram the wheelchair into the back of his legs so that he falls with a slight grunt into my lap. And I’ll say, muscle does indeed weigh more than fat. “Hi Goten, I’m back.” I can almost smell his annoyance at being caught off-guard, and he tries to get up and away from me. After a moment’s thought, I reach one hand around his waist to hold him in place. Interestingly enough, he tries to squirm out of my grip, but with no results. “Not happy to see me?” He pauses. “Of course I am. I’m glad you’re alright.” He lunges forward and is snapped back against me like a rubber band, and ends up in a slightly less comfortable position. He tries to pry my arms from around him, gets his own stuck, gives up and turns his head up toward me from where it lays against my shoulder. “What is in your tiny little mind?” He asks, and I shrug and indicate by my manner that I don’t wish to discuss it. I stare out the window for a long time, counting stars. By the time I’d found them all within my view, Goten had relaxed against me and was staring out. I allowed him to squirm enough to get comfortable, then tightened my grip again. “You watch the stars a lot, don’t you Goten,” I commented. He was quiet. “Do you know what they all are?” “You know I don’t...” he says slowly. “It’s astrology. It’s not a science.” I sound too sarcastic and dim it down. I look around the view presented to us, and point my free hand. “There, that’s Orion, the hunter.” I traced out his shape slowly, and Goten gazed along my arm, dark eyes following my movements. “And that one... there,” I release him briefly, long enough to move the wheelchair close enough to the wall that our knees touch it. I then grab him and crush him against me again as he tries to flee. It’s an interesting non-verbal conversation we’re having. Goten’s hands tug weakly at my arm, and I adjust it so that we’re both comfortable again. “That’s Queen Cassiopeia.” I had to move forward because she was so far in the northern sky. “She sits on her throne, and if you look the right way, you can tell where her hand is, her knee, her foot...” Goten appears interested despite himself, his face and movements subdued. “And that there.” I shift vectors completely, bringing my free arm around to point in the other section of window, my face turning accordingly, mouth against his ear. “That’s Venus.” Goten says nothing. “The planet of lovers,” I elaborate. “They used to tell many stories about it. Like if your lover wasn’t treating you right, you pray to the goddess of Venus and a new lover will come to rescue you.” I couldn’t help chuckling at ancient paganism, but softly, since my lips still brushed Goten’s ear as I spoke. He had gone quite still. The bright point of light twinkled, far more obvious than its surrounding stars, just past my fingertip. “They say you can still make wishes on it. Make a wish when Venus is full, and you’ll find the love of your life.” “Is it full?” Goten asked at long last, his voice coming out as almost a whisper. “I’d say... it’s just about right.” He blinks slightly, and I turn to regard him. “Why don’t you make a wish?” His eyes turn to me, guarded, uncertain of... something. I insist, and he turns his gaze back to the planet, taking a deep breath and exhaling it slowly as he closes his eyes. I watch him intently. I’m not even sure why... there’s just something that compells me to look at him. He looks good; attractive profile, and he always had the cutest face. When his eyes were open they could draw you in... I have to swallow quickly, and after another moment his eyes open and turn to focus on mine. “Have any of your wishes come true?” He asked, softly. “Not yet,” I reply, voice equally soft. “I have a different wish this time, though. Maybe this one will work.” I smile slightly, staring out the window. I can feel his gaze on me, his eyes search my face slowly. //My wish was for my true love. But this time, I want my true love to be able to find _me_,// I decide at last. //I know you won’t let me down, Venus.// Goten is silent for such a long time that I nearly forget he is there. When I glance down, his head is nodding slowly, as though he’s about to drift off. He does eventually, his head sliding toward mine, the side of his forehead resting against my cheek. Unable to stop myself, my lips graze his temple, noting his smooth skin, the pleasant taste of him. He doesn’t seem to notice, so nearly asleep. I am half grateful, half.... I don’t know what’s come over me this night. But... for some reason, I’m not sorry... I can’t be. It feels too right. After another moment he shifts, sighing softly against my neck, and I turn my eyes to him rather than the stars. I fight against the instinct, but in the end I lose. I lean down, pressing my lips gently to his, tasting his mouth against mine. He sighs and parts his lips in his sleep, and I am sorely pressed not to take advantage. //How did this happen, Goten?// I pull my face from his and watch him long into the night. ******** I extracted myself from my supposed best friend’s embrace, moving quietly through the room, feeling nothing more than the overwhelming urge to be away for a little while. Outside, I lean my forehead against the door. I have to fight with myself to keep from trembling. What in the world is he trying to do to me? I half remember the feel of soft lips against my skin, touching my mouth, arms holding me tight, too close to maintain sanity. //Trunks...// I clench my fist against my leg. //Why do you..... do you..?// “Goten-san....” I turn, startled. Bra stands not far from me, looking at me with slightly more than concern. “...Daijoubu desu ka?” “Genki desu ne,” I respond automatically. My blood is pounding in my ears, and I read her lips rather than hear the words. “I don’t think Trunks is awake yet.” “It’s okay, I’m his little sister. I wake him up all the time.” I refrain from commenting, and she moves past me into the room with another glance over her shoulder. I find the restroom down the hall, going in and splashing my face. I am determined to pretend I know nothing, even if it tears me apart. Bra sat in Trunks’ lap until the nurse came to take him to therapy. His eyes pleaded with me to go with, and silently I give in. I couldn’t stand up against that look in his eyes. He tries hard. I know he does. He focuses all of his energy into movement, forcing his consciousness down into the broken and bruised nerves, trying in vain to control them as the nurse stands him and asks if he can support his own weight. She catches him as he falls, but he teetered in between for a second. I thought at fist that it was my imagination, his center of balance trying to stabilize before sending him toppling. But the delay grows each time he is put into the position. After a while, I know it’s not just in my mind. Trunks, however, is growing more and more frustrated, standing in the way he’d taken for granted for eighteen years, only briefly, before losing it once again. It’s like learning to control ki for the first time. I make such a comment, and he glares at me enough to make me feel stupid. //Well, I’m right!// I remember just such a look on Videl’s face as she learned to master her own ki. Of course, I was playing, but I happened to stop at least once and wonder as I looked up between her and my brother and the sky, what it would be like to be a normal human, or worse, a normal human suddenly plunged into all of this. The difference here was that Videl had something to prove. Maybe Trunks did in a way, but for different reasons. Videl wanted to prove to herself and to Gohan that she could keep up with him. Trunks never asked to be in a car wreck. I lean against the wall, saying and doing nothing and never allowing my eyes to leave Trunks. He looks into my eyes and holds my gaze to his, searching for something in my face. I don’t know what he’s looking for. Something in my face or manner must have betrayed me, how I felt, even though I tried as hard as I could to hide what I felt. It was disappointment. Somewhere in the back of my head I sensed that he was distracted, that he wasn’t concentrating. When he looked up to me sometimes I could tell why. But I definately wasn’t ready to go there. //I can’t believe you’re _failing_.// Trunks flinched; as though I had said the word aloud. His eyes closed off from me. They usually did to everyone, but the sight was disturbing to see now. His eyes were dull now, but they remained locked on mine, and his jaw set as though determined to show me once and for all who was the stronger person. //Good. That’s how I hoped you would feel.// My exultation helped add to the air I was cultivating; if the nurses had noticed I would have been gone; it was something that could only pass between Trunks and I. For a moment, he did it. His eyes bored into mine, a mix of conflicting emotions pinned me to the wall as his fists clenched, feet planted unsteadily onto the ground. The nurse made a sound, some congratulations or something, and he lost his steady anger and fell again. I forgave him instantly; it was enough that even he would recognize his ability to do it. He wouldn’t get frustrated so easily if he knew that he was capable of doing it. I came around and assumed control of his wheelchair as the session ended with praises from the nurse. Trunks wasn’t happy about it but he said not a word to me as I took him back to his room. “Goten...” //Kuso..// Here we go. But he didn’t say anything at first. He stared me down, actually, he was staring up at me, and the sight of him in that chair, looking smaller than I ever remembered, weakened my resolve quite a bit. “So that’s what you think of me then?” “I didn’t say _anything_.” “You were thinking _something_,” Trunks elaborated. “You don’t think I can do it?” “On the contrary; I know you can. You don’t seem to-” “Goten, it just bloody well doesn’t work!” he exploded in the middle of my sentence as his annoyance dashed his emotional control. “I can’t stand that look from you...” I felt a bitter pang in my chest. “...and I...” He was angry. He didn’t know how to tell me that. I nodded and accepted it. “As long as you concentrate. You have to _try_, Trunks. Nothing else matters now more than your recovery.” His eyes meet mine, as we both realize that ‘nothing else’ is all-encompassing. “That’s not true,” he says softly. “Yes, it is, and it’s your unwillingness to put everything else aside that’s keeping you here.” “How can you say that to me?” His words hurt, but I refuse to flinch. His eyes are the blades of truth, and even as my inner defenses crumble into dust he is assaulting them verbally. “I never wanted this! I’m not up to this kind of challenge, Goten! This isn’t something I know how to master! Maybe you’re confused because for once in your life I’m not better than you-” My expression seems to be what stopped him. I’m growing annoyed, but I feel I have cause. He sounds so arrogant it’s sickening. “You listen to me,” I tell him, matter-of-factly, trying and probably failing to keep my pose unthreatening. “It’s exactly that attitude that’s _pissing_ me off! You _know_ you can do it, and _I_ sure as hell know you can! I just watched you! Trunks!” I don’t know what kind of reason I pled for with his name, but his eyes are dark and flicker slightly at the sound. I deliberately let his last comment go unanswered, but it stung my pride something fierce. “It doesn’t matter,” he says at last, one hand jerking against his wheel as he decided not to face me any longer. “It does too matter!” I cry. “This is _nuts_! You can’t just-” “No, not that.” He feels guilty for insulting me. “I shouldn’t say things to you, especially since...” He still doesn’t look at me, but his profile tightens in the slightest. “Especially after everything you’ve done for me,” he finishes. “So?” I demand at last, even though I know it’s unfair. He doesn’t have any answers. “Do you know how hard I’ve been trying? I’ve tried not to let you see how much of my effort I put into it; it’s so humiliating, and I’ve never had to face this kind of test of...” He breaks off slowly, and shakes his head, eyes going down. “I just don’t know.” “I do.” He turns to look at me again. “And if I’m the only one that does...” I decide even as I voice it. “Then so be it. I know you can walk. I know you can do it, or anything else you decide to do. And if my opinion means nothing to you then so be that too.” My eyes sting a bit, and I blink several times. “Fine. You do as you please.” I turn around, away. There is no noise behind me for the longest time. I wait, but there is just none. I shake my head at last and take a step to leave. Trunks’ hand catches my arm, and I stop, unable or unwilling to break free... which is it? He turns me to him and looks up at me with an expression that weakens my resistance even further. His face holds an appeal; like he has to know what’s in my mind. This is something totally different; this plays between the text and chases the ends of our gazes when we lock eyes and watch each other. He says my name softly, and I realize I can’t be subjected to that. I can’t do it... I can’t...! I turn away this time, intending to break free no matter what, and I do. I soon go crashing back to the ground, and I am turned over onto my back. Trunks drags himself slowly to lean over me, his eyes stare down intensely into mine, and I am struck silent. I want to push him away. For some reason, and my hand moves up slowly, touches his chest, and I push, with increasing force as I squeeze my eyes shut and turn my head away. It doesn’t work. The realization snaps back my attention as he shifts, and I realize how very little force I’ve put into it. I’m struck at a loss with myself and especially him. “Trunks... you...?” His face doesn’t register my words, and he leans down to kiss me, his lips brushing against mine as they touched my skin the night before. I freeze; my muscles lock up and my mind fights for what direction to give my body. Trunks’ mouth suddenly seizes mine, pressing his body onto mine at the same time, one hand coming to cradle my head as my lips are pushed open without permission, something heated, with the texture of velvet slips into my mouth, tasting slowly, thoroughly, seeming unaware of the effect he’s having on me. My body shakes helplessly under his. This is what I wanted; this was how I wanted him to treat me, look at me with that simple need for my attentions, touch me with a sexual need that made me burn as well. I give up as abruptly as this all started, and his tongue is making love to my mouth slowly, and I am enjoying, anticipating, needing every second of it. But still as the kiss ended I forced him away. “Goten..” The sound of my name from his lips made me shudder, but I pulled away. “If you can come to me, if you can walk to me and stand in front of me like you used to...” I shake my head and pull myself away from the hot tangle of our bodies while I still can. “...Then it can be any way you want.” He looked up at me with an unreadable expression. “I know you can....” Maybe there was something in my expression that told him how I wanted that. But I had to go, I had to get out of the room, and I left him sitting there, not even gathering the presence of mind to levitate up again.

The Long Road Home, part 3 By: Chocolate-chan I stay up late. I didn’t mean to, but I can’t sleep for having too much to think about. At long last Goten arrives in the room again, having nowhere else to be, but he falls asleep in a chair across the room and says less than one word to me. I face the window, super-conscious of the presence behind me. //I’m going about this all wrong...// Or am I? Basically, Goten told me that if I could walk he would do anything. He was practically giving himself to me, and his eyes demanded that I take it. Anyway, that’s how it felt. I cough to myself lightly, not quite glancing over my shoulder at him. What do I want? I’m not sure. I only the know that the farther I take this, the more I want... I can recall the anguish distorting his features, the way he didn’t quite look at me when he said it, the way he had gotten darker without really blushing. Most of all I could remember the kiss, burned into my brain. My tongue crept out of its own accord to taste him on my lips time and time again, until there was nothing of it left but the memory. I turn and watch him for a long time, from across the room. A shaft of dim light falls onto one side of his face. He looks older, maybe a bit tired. He looks stressed. A frown tugs at his lips in sleep. He looks wonderful. I close my eyes for a long moment and try to steady myself. He wants me to walk. //Goten... you’re senseless.// But didn’t my father used to say that Saiya-jin were different physiologically from humans? I think I could almost recall something like that passing from his lips, and a smug look accompanied, aimed at all of the humans in his presence. So maybe things were possible for me that shouldn’t be. But then again, how different can humans and Saiya-jin be? On the outside, they’re nearly impossible to distinguish except for that tail. Then again, Saiya-jin had evolved as fighters. Would you want your best warrior incapacitated because he was hit in the back? A Saiya-jin would do that even after saying he wouldn’t, if my father was any example. I remember training when I was young; eventually I came to see that he retaliated when he became angry, whether he said he would or not. I’m pretty sure he never meant to hurt me, but he couldn’t help himself, and would try to explain it away... such a fierce race would surely have developed to encourage those with special abilities to mate and live, and the weaker ones, of course, were killed. Explains their shortage on women. I shake it out of my head. Trying to walk is so frustrating, and I... My eyes fall on Goten again. I remember the plea in his voice and expression, and the times I’d looked at him looking at me when he thought I slept, worry plain on his face. He was always watching me... //Maybe I can.// Thoughts of our past and present together merge unexpectedly, and I take a breath. For Goten? Could I do it for Goten? “Goten...” He ignores me. “Goten.” His dark eyes are drawn half-open by the summons, and he blinks at the ceiling before turning his head to me. //For you I could do it.// I don’t know how it happened, but I was standing before I knew it. Goten’s eyes blinked, were rubbed, and shot open as he stood up across the room from me. I watched his eyes closely, trying to remember why I was doing this. I focused on his face as I moved one foot forward. It was vaguely painful, but I was determined that I would walk across the room. //I need you.// And if he wanted me to walk then I would. I moved another foot, another, teetering steps that slowly brought me across the small room, and Goten watched with a mix of awe and... something else. I didn’t have time to interpret it, but I saw it. I placed his emotions aside, and ignored the pain of brusied nerves and the difficulty my body had in re-routing the impulses; kind of like a cut in battle. You don’t have time to think about your injuries when you’re fighting. Goten’s arms reached for me as I came near, and I think it blew my concentration. But it was okay, since he caught me and we both sank to the ground, and he was talking, talking and smiling at me... I interrupted him by placing my mouth against his. He went still and silent, still holding onto me, and his grip tightened just slightly as I encouraged him to return my kiss. After a moment Goten’s mouth opened and he pressed himself against me, his tongue doing battle with mine, but weakly, and I slowly pressed him back onto the floor, moving over him and touching him gently. “Trunks...” Goten tried, but I shushed him and kissed him again lightly. “You remember your promise?” My fingertip traced his jaw. He swallowed, his jaw tightening as he nodded once and looked up at me with clear dark eyes. My mouth followed my fingertip slowly, ending near his ear as I said softly, “I want you...” Goten shivered slightly, leaning his face into me, taking a nearly silent breath. I pull back to kiss his face, watching his eyes between kisses, so dark... I couldn’t even see my reflection. “I...” He swallowed again as his voice came out a weak whisper. “Oh..kay...” he said, and I raised my eyebrows very slightly. “Yes. I want you too,” he said, voice slightly strangled. He seemed uncertain, maybe uncertain of my sudden desire, but I believed him. I kissed him again slowly and he returned it, his hands slowly gathering the courage to touch me, over my sides, back... he was ginger there. It was still sensitive. His body reacted perfectly to my touch, his breath becoming a little more rapid, still seeming as though he weren’t sure it was true. I could feel him harden against me as our kisses deepened, tongues daring each other’s mouths intimately. A low sound started in his throat, an animal-like noise I couldn’t identify. It was definitely a turn-on. I can feel his body heat slowly beneath mine, and I long to touch his skin and find out. My hands become confused, tangling in his clothing, until I’m impatient to pull it out of the way, and Goten is shaking slightly and helping me, the two of us rather clumsy with need. I breath his name softly against his mouth, hands moving to touch every part of him that I can reach, feeling him react, holding his breath and releasing it to draw more with a slight puff, pulling at my clothes, and I occasionally stop what I’m doing to help with an article, but mostly leave him to his own devices. His hands quickly gain the fortitude to test the waters, having much the same affect on me. I have to hold myself carefully to keep from shaking, and it’s harder as our clothes are tossed aside and his feverish hot skin is pressed against mine. I can never recall wanting someone as much as him, being attracted to anyone as much as him, and all the time he was right here... I banish thoughts and my hand brushes down over his stomach, and lower; he pushes himself into my palm with a groan as my hand encircles his erection, teasing him with slow strokes across his skin. My mouth has long since left his, and his groan is clearly heard in the close room. Goten’s muscles tighten as my tongue traces them, his nipples harden, and he submits himself totally beneath me. It’s an incredible sensation when I realize he’s helpless in my hands, and willingly so. Dark eyes open slightly to regard me as one smooth thigh slips between mine. The room grows slightly brighter; my pupils overcompensate when I feel so much emotion. My knees are stiff but I ignore them, barely feeling them anyway. I move farther back along his body, and bend down to take him in my mouth. Goten’s hands catch my arms tightly, his grip painful. I ignore it and take a deep breath, my tongue moving over him slowly, not used to the experience but relishing it in some odd way. His whimpers drive me to please him more, arousing me more, and by the time he came I was nearly hurting. His eyes were wide, large and nearly black and staring at the ceiling, panting, and after a moment he blinked as I brought myself up to kiss him. He opened his mouth, tasting me, and himself in me, and wrapping his arms around me to hold me in place as his tongue drew mine further into his mouth. My hand rests on his leg, travelling upward slowly, and he lets his thighs part at my touch, one finger inside him, drawing a soft gasp as I stroke gently. After a moment I withdraw and position myself to enter him. His eyes watch me, trembling with renewed need as I push into him slowly, forcing his head back, teeth gritted as he struggles to accept the pain along with the pleasure. After a time of my repeated strokes, he relaxes and responds, sighing as the pain lessened, then moaning as he thrust his hips back against mine. Both of us cry out briefly at the sensation, and I start to lose myself in him, pushing hard, faster, and Goten meets me every time, the pleasure mounting. His arousal is pressed between us, rubbing against me, and he moans further when I take him in my hand, stroking again, but no longer teasing. My mouth presses against his neck, tasting salty skin and nuzzling at one spot, brain so hazy I wasn’t sure why. Goten cries my name as I thrust hard into him and he comes in my hand; his muscles tight around me bring me to as well. I taste something sweet against my tongue and open my eyes; once I realize it’s blood I can taste the bitter copper tang. It feels oddly satisfying, but I look up at Goten because it’s his blood. He hasn’t noticed, head lying back on the floor as his chest heaves. I move up a little, looking down into his face as he closes his eyes, a frown tugging at his face for a moment, as though concentrating. His face seems oddly pale, but he looks up at me and lets out a breath, trying and failing to smile. For a moment I wonder what exactly he finds in my face; whatever it is seems to entrance him. //I had no idea...// I blink slightly as the thought passes through my head. My gaze drops briefly to his neck, where the flow of blood is slowing. He notices once my gaze moves to it, touches it and frowns as his fingertips come back coated thinly in blood. He looks at me uncertainly, and I take each fingertip into my mouth at once, licking the blood away, then releasing his hand. For another moment it lingers touching my lips, his eyes flickering in the low light, then his caress trails down my chin and falls away. Something passes through his thoughts then. I don’t know what it was, but I was curious. “What?” I ask softly. “....” Goten’s lips press together briefly, before they part enough for him to whisper, “Why?” “Why?” “Why did... why did you want me?” His brows are drawn slightly. “I...” my gaze searches his face. This question is almost painfully important, and I struggle to give him the answer that is both correct and what he wants to hear. And when I say it, I know it’s right. “I love you,” I inform him simply. ******** My heart trips over itself as I open my eyes and look up into the near darkness. I realize I was woken by.. or with a shiver, and I reach up to pull a blanket down from the bed over us. Trunks is fast asleep, holding tightly to me. //”I love you.”// How many times had I heard him say it since he had said it? I had been at a loss for words, and I shouldn’t have been. I know I love him too. I reach up with my fingertips as his words echo through my head some more, and brush the bite mark on my neck. I remember an odd sensation that followed my orgasm, an almost chemical jolt through my body. I dismiss it with a shake of my head, instead pressing my face into Trunks’ hair. He had been in some discomfort afterward I know; his legs had stiffened slightly, from being suddenly forced to accept input after so long, and then the odd positions we were... I schooled my thoughts with a mental shake. I reach down again now, but they seem fine. I look up and wonder at the time. I have the feeling that I won’t get back to sleep. It was so odd. He gazed at me as he had walked to me, and his eyes had never quite locked on me that intensely before. I remember having chills, but when I saw him walking.... //Did you do that for me? There’s no way. Do you....// I swallowed hard a couple times, but after a moment I start to feel languid, warm and content to be near him. Trunks stirred. His face turned up toward me slowly from where his head lay on my chest, and his eyes remain on mine for a time. This wasn’t like before, when his gaze demanded my attention. This was as languid as I felt, watching and sizing me up, a rather catlike expression on his face for the moment being. He seems to know I’m troubled. After a time he confirms my guess by asking what’s wrong. I take a breath, ready to tell him how unsure I am of this. How I’d wanted him for so long, then he just comes along and returns my affections with no regard for my feelings- that was stupid! “I love you.” I tell him after growling and swallowing my words. “And that’s what’s wrong?” I think about it for another moment. “Who said there was anything wrong?” His eyes narrow, increasing the effectiveness of my previous cat metaphor. He smiles at me a bit, then has it disrupted by a yawn. After a moment I sit up and pull him with me, sitting in my lap as he had been laying on top of me. His face comes to above the level of mine and he looks down on me with a slight smile. After a long, awakening morning kiss I tell him to go take his shower. He complies slowly and in his own way, and I pull the blanket around me to wait. “Goten,” Trunks calls after a moment. “Come here.” “Daijoubu desu ka?” I call ahead as I rise and wrap the blanket around me. It’s cold in the room, although, it is still early morning. “We gotta get out,” I tell Trunks for the third time. “Uhn,” he replies, as before. He makes no move except to raise his chin slightly so it doesn’t slip from my shoulder into the water. “Ima wa,” I say, as though voicing a complaint. I have nothing to complain about, though. There’s some part of me that has enjoyed just being near him and being able to touch him, or kiss him, whatever I want. Trunks has visitors nearly every day, however, and I do not want to be found in the bathtub with him. “Come on,” I say, prying myself from his grip. “Don’t you want everyone to know you can walk? It’s quite an achievement for someone who had your kind of injuries.” I pull a towel around my waist, as he is watching me with some interest and I find it embarrassing. I plop another onto his head as the water swirls in the drain, and Trunks prefers to levitate himself out instead of relying on shaky legs in water. “I suppose,” he says lightly as he sits on the edge of the tub with a towel around his waist now, and dries his hair with another. “But it doesn’t really matter if they know or not, does it, since I did it for you.” He doesn’t happen to be looking at me when he says it, and his tone is so matter-of-fact I could die. There’s not really much I can say to top that, so I move off to get dressed as does he, and I throw the towels aside. “You need to wear a higher collar,” Trunks comments as he moves past me slowly, having gained a bit more control over his legs. He seems a little drained by the time he sits in his chair, though he sighs and grins. “Your problem,” I grunt. “How come I couldn’t bite you?” Trunks’ face is pretty neutral. He shrugged a bit, a slight tightening of his shoulders. “I didn’t know I was doing it.” He looks toward the window, with a small sound. I head toward the window, and look down. I can see Gohan and Pan and Videl, coming into the building. “Goten, I have a question.” He was silent for several moments, until at last I prompted, “Yeah?” “What’ll we say?” A distinctive dark feeling passed over me. I think he felt it, because he was almost painfully silent. ******** There was a subdued atmosphere in the room that I noticed as I entered. They were both dressed and standing silently in the room. They didn’t avoid each other’s gazes, so they hadn’t fought... My daughter most certainly didn’t notice anything, almost skipping to Trunks’ side with her big shiny eyes. “Hi Trunks,” she said quietly, and he turned his head, smiling at her slightly and then looking up at me. I wonder if he knows I feel somewhat responsible for him being here. After all, I was the one who had said to Pan that if she could convince Trunks to go it was alright by me. It was her idea, but still.... “Sure, ignore me,” Goten said at last with a smile as he turned from the window. “I see how you want to be.” Pan laughed slightly and ran over to him. He placed his hand on her forehead as she hugged his leg. So short. “No, I don’t want a hug now, you can just...” “So Trunks-kun, feeling any better?” “I feel stronger,” he said with a smile. Goten suddenly paused and looked at him. Trunks nodded once, and it seemed like he was trying to keep from rolling his eyes. “He walked,” Goten said. He sounded as proud as if he had done it himself. “Across the room.” “That’s great, Trunks-kun,” Videl said enthusiastically. Pan laughed a little and clapped once. “Sugoi,” I agreed. “Did the doctors say anything?” “They don’t know yet.” “That reminds me,” Trunks said suddenly with a frown. “They were talking about another operation...” “That doesn’t sound good; what, is that three? And so close...” I found myself frowning. “Can you feel your legs?” Videl asked, seizing on the most important item. “No,” Trunks admitted. “More than before, but...” “Then tell them that too,” I said, and Goten went to tell the story. I paused. “Hey little brother, why don’t you let Videl get the doctor. You and I can chat.” I put an arm around his shoulders and he frowned as I pulled him from the room. Videl went to do as I had suggested, not asking any questions. I pulled Goten inside the bathroom slightly down the hall. He was really frowning now. “What,” I asked, getting to the point, “Is that?” Goten glanced where I was pointing and pulled at his shirt nervously. “Nothing,” he said with a warning tone. “Well, I seriously doubt you could bite _yourself_ like that, sooo....” I paused and pulled off my glasses, looking at him in curiosity. “Why did Trunks bite you?” “Gohan!” he often forgot courtesies when we were alone. He looked mildly scandalized. “So you admit it? What’s up with you two?” “Gohan, just keep out of it!” Goten tried to walk past me, but I caught his arm. “Whatever it is, it’s bothering you a little, isn’t it? Like... what would people say? No one in the family likes when you and Trunks fight, or.....” I prodded with my tone. I seem to have guessed it right. Goten looks far less than thrilled. “I at least wanted some time to think...” I raise my chin slightly, then lower it again, deciding, “I won’t say anything. Will you tell me what’s going on?” Goten looks very reluctant. He stands with his hands behind him, gripping the counter. After a moment he sighs and hoists himself up to sit on the counter and is silent for a long moment. “Nothing yet, I suppose.” “Really...” I draw slightly, leaning against the counter next to him. “Well... please, don’t say anything.” “I said I won’t.” Wow, Trunks and my brother...... Well, it doesn’t directly affect me. As long as Trunks and Goten are happy I suppose there’s nothing wrong with it... right? The only weird part was my daughter’s gigantic crush on Trunks. I wonder how Mom would feel. “Are you intending to inform Kaa-san?” “No!” Goten yelps. Then he pauses and lowers his chin. “Not right away....” Then he’d better keep his neck hidden, I mused. Kaa-san knows the signifigance. And we all knew Goten had not left the hospital in.... ******** “Have they all gone?” I asked. “Yeah....” Goten was plastered against the window, watching as his brother and sister-in-law walked out of the building with Pan in tow. “Good.” I pulled myself up laboriously, tired after an afternoon of physical therapy. I moved to the window and draped hands onto my lover’s shoulders, tugging gently. //My lover...// He turns at my touch, looking a little subdued. “I can’t think...” “Don’t worry about it. We know what’s important.” I pull him close to me, and he lays his head in the crook of my neck with a sigh. One of his arms is caught between us, and the other lays across my chest, his fingers plucking distractedly at my shirt. I close my eyes for a long moment, lay my head against his and breathe him in. “I love you...” So great was the contented state I was in that I was unsure who said it, but I know we both felt it. “No!” The shout startles us apart, and my knees nearly give way as we spin. I feel the greatest despair sinking over me as Chichi glares at me across the room. Goten has gone quite pale, I notice. Then I see something I wish I hadn’t; Pan standing in the hallway, looking extremely guilty. My face thins and I must have been glaring at her, because she sobs and runs from my sight. My eyes snap back to Chichi as the glare fades. Goten moves closer to me unconsciously, and Chichi’s eyes spit dark flames at the sight. “I will _not_ allow this relationship to proceed!” She is mostly glaring at me, and I feel my knees definately start to shake with stess and exhaustion. “Goten!” She snaps. “We’re going home.” Goten’s face clouds, and for a moment I’m afraid that this will turn ugly. If Goten inherited one thing from her, it’s at least some (slightly healthier) measure of her stubborness. For a moment I’m afraid for their family. He opens his mouth, and I can feel the protest welling up. “Nothing!” She beats him to it, nearly giving us both whiplash with her tone. “Say _nothing_! Just go!” Goten looks at me helplessly. My face feels tight, and at long last I meet his eyes and then close mine. “Just go...” I echo her, most unwillingly, but realizing that opposing Chichi is not what we want right now. Goten makes a small sound in his throat and reaches for me. His hand pauses midway between us, and is drawn to his chest as his eyes search mine. I nod once, and he looks between us. “I’ll be back,” he says, and heads for the door; his chin is high and his step is large. Even Chichi can’t miss the walk of a man. “Like hell you will,” she says to him as he comes to face her on his way. Goten’s spine tenses, and he stops and turns to her. “See this?” He pulls back his collar, showing her the bite mark. “Do you know what this means?” Chichi’s face tenses, and her jaw sets. She does indeed. “It means,” Goten elaborates, “That I’ll be back.” He takes a fierce slap without a sound. He doesn’t even turn his head, or touch his cheek. I’m not sure if his mother is angrier or afraid. “Go to the car.” He goes out the door, and pauses, with one hand on the frame looking at me. //I love you.// His eyes tell mine, but I stop him with a nod before he further defies his mother. Chichi faces me, and is silent for a long moment. “How long?” I take a breath. She’s really scary, but I tell her the truth. “Not long.” She nods once. She approaches me and stands in front of me, looking up into my face. Hers is closed off, cold. “I appreciate your feelings, but I want you to stay away from my son.” “I love him.” Apparently she doesn’t appreciate my feelings at all. Her punch meets my face and snaps my head aside. I draw it back. This is the ultimate dilemma; someone I’ve learned to protect is attacking me. “Stay away.” She doesn’t wait for me to respond this time. She turns to go, and leaves me standing in the middle of the room, feeling weak. //Goten...// Have I lost him? As quickly as I had him? I feel myself slipping but make no effort to halt my trip to the floor. //Pan....?// ******** Pan sits in the back of the car silent. After another moment my mother comes back and gets in, starting the car without a word to us. I brood silently. How did she know? Did Pan....? I feel anger and pain take hold. He just told me to go... I know he was looking out for my best interests, but are our best interests really served apart? At home I go to my room and lock the door. My mother asks to speak to me but I refuse, knowing I’ll pay the price later. After a long time of lying on my bed and trying not to cry, my door swings open silently and shuts again. Pan shoved the hairpin into her pocket and approached me slowly. “O-ji-chan.... what’s going on?” It’s been forever since Pan called me “uncle.” I can smell the guilt on her. “Don’t tell me you don’t know, Pan-chan,” I say as I sit up. After a moment I turn my face to regard her, noting that she is slightly pale and won’t come within arm’s reach. “Since you’re the one who told Kaa-san....” She flinches slightly. “...Aren’t you.” She is silent. “Why? Because you like Trunks?” She clenches her fists and her jaw tightly. “You have to be honest with yourself, Pan. There’s no possible chance of you and him. He’s twice your age for one thing....” She is shaking. She even glares at me. For a moment I’m forced to look at her as a rival, and I realize that all is indeed fair in love and war. She’ll use whatever cunning she possesses if she thinks there is a chance of Trunks looking at her.... ....the way he did me, I realize. That was how I felt, wasn’t it? I had wanted him to look at me like that for so long. It was just now when I thought that everything would be perfect, and then.... I longed to tell her somehow. My vision cleared, acknowledging her affections but reminding me that she was only a little girl. Her eyes glisten slightly, and there is jealousy in her gaze. Maybe I’m a little cold. But I said what was going through my mind anyway, voice dropped to a dangerous whisper. “Trunks loves _me_, and it’s going to stay that way.” Pan ducks out of my room with a sob. I go to my desk. I snatch up the picture frame with one hand, and bring it with as I lay down on the bed. A picture from... how long ago? Despite the distance between us, socially, physically, sometimes even emotionally, he has always been my closest friend. I think it was a little after he turned eighteen. His arm is around me, but it can’t be seen in the picture. It just looks like I leaned close to him for a second... I sigh. The pictures drops flat onto my chest and my arm goes behind my head; memories of that day are replaced with the past two.... ******** I don’t like the way my mother is acting. She paces the kitchen, walks like a cat and waves her wooden spoon at anything that moves threateningly. “Gohan-chan, you really must eat,” she tells me in one of her more relaxed moods. “Kaa-san, this is my third bowl,” I tell her. A modest amount really. I finish it off and watch her. Videl doesn’t like the atmosphere any better than I do, and she stirs her tea while staring into it. I gaze at her dark head for a moment. Does Trunks love my brother the way I love Videl? Goten is true in his emotions and straightforward in his intent; if he says he loves Trunks then he does, and no questions asked. But how can a love as intense as that which I harbor for my wife be wrong? I look up. My mother is looking away from me. She’s a married woman, and certainly understands the intensity of love, be it for a spouse, child or parent. So why is she doing this? Could pure homophobia make her put my brother through this? “They’re in love, mother,” I say quietly at last, broaching the subject. Videl looks up at me with an uncertan expression. She would never dare say such to Chichi. “Gohan, I do not need your input.” Her arms are crossed, and she closes her eyes as she says it. “You know what it’s like to be in love!” I tell her, louder. If she doesn’t listen to me, there’s no chance she would listen to my brother. So I give it a shot. “We both do. Is my experience so different from yours?” “Gohan, be quiet.” She is not going to listen to me, and whatever I say will put her in a worse mood. “Fine.” I say, standing. “_I_ believe love is more important than those who would disparage it. I believe that they love each other and should be together, and I believe that what you’re doing is wrong.” I turn before she can fully get it into her head to be angry. I pause outside the door to the kitchen. “Chichi-san... if they’re happy what does it hurt?” My wife speaks up at long last. “They obviously care for each other, and they’re both pretty much grown men and can do as they please.” “Daughter-in-law, you speak out of turn!” My mother yells, and I hear a sharp chink of a teacup falling a short distance onto its saucer. There is silence for a long moment. My mother has never used that tone with my wife before. After a moment Videl murmurs something about going outside and the other door swings shut. I follow the hallway into my brother’s room. “Nii-chan,” I call softly into the darkness and a light comes on. “You said you would be silent.” “I was.” “How did Pan find out?” His tone demands truth. “I didn’t tell her either. I asked her to leave you guys be for a while, that’s all. I told her not to get hung up over Trunks. I had no idea she knew. Please, Goten.” I keep my tone reasonable even though he glares. “I wouldn’t break my word to you.” He accepts that, but not well. “I know you must be angry with her. For my sake at least, don’t say anything to her. She’s just a little girl.” He glances down, like Tou-san would have after doing something Kaa-san specifically told him not to. “Don’t say anything more,” I elaborate with a sigh. “Why is she doing this to us?” Goten asked after a moment, voice tight and upset. “Wakarimasen; I can’t figure it out. But I know that whatever the reason is, she loves you and wants to protect you.” I know I sound lecturing, but there’s a sadness in his face that I don’t like. Upset people are desperate. “Trunks wouldn’t hurt me.” “I know that.” “Neither would him being with me!” He insisted, on his feet in front of me. “She never even gave us a chance to talk to her! We don’t know our own minds! How can she just come in there and demolish everything in a second? She can’t know how I feel!!” Goten’s fist was clenched in front of him as the other swept wide in anger. “You know, before now I would have argued with you.” Goten looks fairly shocked; I know as a child I hardly ever took his side. He was young; and I was his big brother. I had to make sure he was safe, and if that meant siding with Kaa-san then so be it. “Gohan-nii-chan.... this isn’t fair....” “I know it.” I’m silent for a moment, waiting. “Please leave me alone,” he says, whirling away from me. “I’ll leave now, but I’ll be back.” I pause in the doorway and turn back. “Goten,” I begin, and hesitate. I don’t want to show a lack of faith in him, but... “No matter how you feel, you’ll respect what Kaa-san has said to you, won’t you?” Goten turns and looks over his shoulder, looking surprised. Surprised that I mentioned it? Surprised that I might have stumbled onto what he was thinking? “Please, be good, little brother. If you do something, I’ll have to come after you, and...” His eyes darken. “...I don’t want to stand in your way.” Goten’s eyes widen slightly and he turns to watch me solemnly as I walk out.

The Long Road Home, part 4 By: Chocolate-chan After the surgery I could feel a buzzing in my toes. It felt almost good to get cold toes again! But I quickly got sick of the cold. My entire soul felt cold. I couldn’t stand the long empty days with no one around me. I was glad when they said I could go home if I continued to take physical therapy. My mother drove me home chattering happily, and my sister looked shady. She sat in the back and threw me looks. I felt a little sick to my stomach to see her, and I sighed as we came to the drive of Capsule Corp. I’m glad I talked her out of any kind of celebration; I was most definately not in the mood. My mother seemed to sense that. Her so-called “Woman’s Intuition” picked the worst possible times to act up. I mounted the stairs flying and laid on my bed for a good while. I know my father doesn’t like when I’m out of sight all the time, especially at meal times. I get the feeling he doesn’t trust me. I’m unsure as to whether it’s because I’m his son or what. Maybe he had to grow up like that. Maybe his dad didn’t trust him. I imagine a king might not fully trust his chosen heir, especially in a Saiya-jin hierarchy. So it was almost a signal of acquiescence that mom was "permitted" to bring me a bowl of fried rice for dinner. I thanked her and ate on my bed, and she hesitated and sat on the end watching me. “Trunks-chan...” My mother hasn’t addressed me by such an endearment in quite a long time. I raise and eyebrow but refuse to bat a lash. “I know. About Goten.” “Sou ka?” I murmur between bites. Wonder how she found out? I suddenly recalled Bra’s dark expression from before. //I forgot. Bra and Pan are quite the “bosom buddies.”// “And whaddaya have to say about it?” “I don’t know. This is something I think we should all have sat down to discuss.” I personally didn’t see how discussion was necessary; if it was a girl in both cases there’d be no more than the usual heat. Goten and I are in love; I don’t see what can be the big problem! I said so much. I also went to include some type of muttered commentary on how in a year or two it wouldn’t matter anyway; did they have any effect on their parents’ lives when they moved out? My mother’s face tightens when I indicate leaving, but she leaves the comment alone; a concession to the emotion of the moment. She points out that she never moved out; and look at how Gohan is still very much an active member of the Son family. He is constantly coming to visit his mother. I want to point out that Gohan is a stay-at-home nerd, but instead all I can say is, “Damn.” “Besides, Trunks-kun...” For the moment she glosses over my language choice. “I very much doubt Chichi-san would be willing to totally give up her son in any case." I end up frowning. I always felt that Chichi loved Gohan more than she loved Goten. I mean, I didn’t say as much aloud; I wouldn’t dare even say it to Goten! But Gohan was her child. Goten was most definitely a Saiya-jin child. Not that I didn’t believe she loved him; come on, that’s her kid! But still.... ...Maybe it was because he needed her, back then as a child.... sometimes I otherwise believe that she never would have had a second child at all. She needed someone who needed her. Did Goten ever feel the same? The thought gives me chills. Maybe... “Baka na!” I curse myself. My mother blinks in surprise, and I keep the rest internalized. I’m stupid for even thinking such a thing. You know what they say... divide and conquer. Was that Chichi’s goal? Had Goten defied her for the last time? “Mother!” I say, sharply, and try to control my tone, though it still sounds severe. “Say your piece!” “Just...” She looks as thought she wants to give up for a moment. “Maybe it’s better this way.” “Usotsuki yo,” I deny it flatly. “Would this even work out? I worry when I think of it.... you don’t need anything else to set you apart from society. You don’t...” She pauses, looking frustrated. “... You don’t need to prove you’re strong!” I blink. “What the hell-” “I know at least a little about the things you _must_ instinctively feel! Next to me, you are _Vegeta’s_ son. Granted next to him you’re mine, but... conquering another male makes you look strong on Vegeta-sei. You don’t have to follow any sort of cultural behavior, ingrained or otherwise.” “Shut up!” In my right mind I would never ever yell at my mother. I jump to my feet as the empty bowl falls to the floor, and I glare at her even though I suddenly feel light-headed. “You don’t understand at _all_! You never could! Not ever! You’re a human, and you’re a woman, and you have no idea what life is like for us! You couldn’t understand!” I was shaking so hard I thought I would fall. “Boy!” My face flushes hot. “Apologize at this very instant!” The gruff “imperial command” interrupts where I was about to let the storm wash me away. “Gomen nasai O-kaa-san,” I murmur dutifully. “Vegeta...” “Leave.” My mother pauses and wonders briefly if it’s a good idea. She does. “Why can’t you do something?” I burst before I can stop myself. “Make them understand!” “And just how do you expect me to do that?” It’s the first time I can recall my father not yelling in return. “I...! Don’t know. Just do it,” I insist, and sink to my bed with that last whisper. “Hm. I see you still don’t want to be an adult.” “When I try I’m beaten down!” I glare at him. “Correction; Goten was beaten down. There is no reason why you should let that affect you.” I glare at him. After all these years does he fail to understand that Goten and I are closer than blood? “I had a training partner once who I’d known since before I could walk. I didn’t feel for him as you do for yours; but I know the closeness that training can bring. But I killed him. I had to. He was a failure.” I scowl; I am too familiar with my father’s definition of failure. But I do understand to a certain extent. A Saiya-jin prince couldn’t afford to think like me. Of course, Goten liked to tease that technically I was a prince..... “You so love happy endings, don’t you father,” I mutter drolly. I didn’t think like a Saiya-jin prince. I never would. Was that why he never seemed to love me? Because I couldn’t relate to him... or consider the other way. I could never live to his expectations. I recall a time at the beginning of my training, when Goten had gotten the upper hand. He punched me in the jaw, and things broke that I didn’t even know I had. My mother patched me up, since we had an advanced lab at Capsule Corp. that could be used for anything from machine parts to human bone. I cried when I came in and cried when she was done. “There there, little Trunks,” she said. She had often called me “Little Trunks” at that age, for reasons I am unaware of. As though to mentally separate me. “Is something else injured?” “No...” I sniffed. “But it still hurts!” “It should ache a little, but the worst is over. It should have stopped by now. Has it?” “It’s better,” I allowed. I still cried silently. “You go sit for a moment. Play in the house. Tell me if it doesn’t get better.” I moved off slowly. In the hall I paused to unstrap my boot and tighten it, and as I did I heard an additional pair of footsteps in the lab. “He’s so... _human_...” My father’s voice said faintly. “Vegeta, be silent.” My mother said quickly. “He’s just a little boy.” I barely heard her; the sound of my father’s voice made me cold. “Hmph. He is your child.” “Are you saying he’s not yours?” It was his sudden silence that made me shake with fear and sadness. He was hardly ever around; he barely seemed to tolerate my mother, let alone me. I wanted to be near him, and show him that I could be as good as him, and that I deserved to be around him. But.... The feeling of cold determination that gave me the urge to beat Goten up week after week stayed with me to this day. “Saiya-jin children’s stories didn’t have happy endings.” “Sou da ne.” He’d told me a few. “On Vegeta-sei men outnumbered women nearly seven to one. There is no way they would understand, the mothers. I’m starting to believe that there are mostly women on this planet. Just look at that Yamcha freak.” I struggled not to crack a smile. Mother wouldn’t like it. Besides, he’d always been pretty cool to me; he gave me my first pair of sunglasses. “It always seems as if they have no idea what goes on in our hearts,” I murmur. “They don’t. They can’t. They barely fathom human men.” I look at my father. Is my world really so alien to him? If there was a planet Vegeta now, would he be ashamed of me there? But nevertheless, it’s a moment of rare sentimental attachment between us. All the time I think thoughts, and so does he; I can read that in the flinty eyes that hold my gaze. For once not all the thoughts are bad. “What do I do?” “You know your mother. She would never oppose your... _happiness_...” He says the word with extreme distaste. “And you know Chichi better than anyone else in our family; I try to stay away from her.” I can’t help a little laughter now. But it fades. “Why should this have anything to do with her?” “On Vegeta-sei had you not been of royal blood, you would either have been shipped out at birth as Kakarott was, or have been trained and sent out by your teen years. Royal family; I would have hired staff to raise you as was fitting, only teaching you things having to do with being King one day. I will never understand the human sentimental attachment to the young.” My father glances at the ceiling. For some reason I want to know now. For some reason the question squeezes out of me before I can stop it. “Father, do you love me?” I don’t know if I’ve ever seen Prince Vegeta look so shocked. “What does that have to do with anything?” He sounds strained. “It...” I don’t meet his eyes. “It just does. It always does. It’s always something I... wonder about.” “If you were a Saiya-jin child, you would not ask.” “So...” I kick at the carpet slightly with one toe, feigning studied disinterest. “So I’m not Saiya-jin?” After a long, long time he says, “You are my son.” When I look up again he is gone. “Father...” I shake my head slowly and at long last break a smile. Either I’m very foolish and insecure, or I just wouldn’t make an appropriate Saiya-jin child. It is only a matter of time before I break and I know it. I can’t stand being here at home all the time and... to be honest, thinking of nothing but him. So after a few sleepless nights I give up. I climb slowly out of bed, back feeling slightly stiff from the operation incisions, and I pull my clothes on as close to silently as I can. I open the window and slip out, hoping that the host of low-level kis in the house means everyone’s asleep. I stay away from the Son household until I know who all is there. Gohan- power level down. Pan- power level down. Videl- hard to tell since she’s not as powerful, but I’d say power level down. Chichi- who knows. I come to a stop above the roof, turn and hang down over Goten’s window. //I promise that I’ll just look at him,// I tell myself. //I just want to know if he’s okay.// The room is bathed with light from the waning moon, but the slant of shadows make it hard to see at first. Along one side is Goten’s bed, visibly occupied. There is movement every once and a while, getting more frequent and violent as I watch. Goten’s head hits the floor. I blink several times as he fails to wake up and his legs remain elevated, tangled in the sheet. He struggles as though with a monster, kickng until the rest of him hits the floor and it wakes him up. Goten turns and faces the window. I duck out of sight, but he’s not looking up at me. He rubs his eyes tiredly, and then pats around under the bed as if looking for something that had fallen or he’d hidden. He comes back with a picture frame, and as he looks at it, his eyes glisten. He holds himself in check for several minutes, and then looks left, right, and lets the tears go. My heart twists uncomfortably as I watch. My first instinct is to go comfort him. I know I _can’t_ but it doesn’t change my feelings. I finally recognize the frame as the one that used to go on his desk. //The one of us?// I let my fingertips fall to touch the glass, the cool smoothness reminding me that I’m out here and he’s in there, and that’s how it should stay. After a moment he drops the frame aside and starts wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. //Goten...// Almost as if on cue, he turns and glances up at the window. I mean to duck out of sight again but it is too late. I allow myself a sheepish smile and press my palm to the glass. Goten wipes his eyes hurriedly and blinks several times as his mind registers. He begins to smile slowly, and rises to walk to the window. I drop to the ground and stand with a hand against the glass, and Goten reaches forward to place a hand on mine on the other side. He stares into my eyes, and I _know_. I know everything he’s been feeling. I know I’ve been feeling it too. //I miss you so much...// I glance down as I realize the glass is warm; the heat of our hands channeled through now cool palms has heated it. I suddenly want to be _in_, and I don’t care what Chichi says. Goten must have felt something, because he shook his head quickly as if reproving himself and reached down to throw the window open, mounting the sill and jumping out into me in one motion. We land on the grass, kissing and rolling while holding each other. I end up on top and lean down to take his mouth with mine, a deep passionate kiss that leaves us both gasping. “Trunks.. my god I missed you...” “Shh...” I urge, motioning for silence. I glance at the windows, and see none occupied or with a light on that I can tell. I pull him up as I stand. “I missed you too, itooshii.” He smiles; itooshii... it’s rather sweet. “I can’t stand it here without you,” he says and hugs me tightly. I let my arms come around him and pull him against me as I murmur to him. “It won’t last forever.” “It’s not fair!” “No, it’s not. We’d both get in pretty big trouble if we were seen.” The thought of trouble seemed unimportant, but I didn’t want Chichi any angrier with me than she was. “Do you know...” “Why? No clue,” he said, drawing back and shaking his head slightly. “There’s gotta be something we can do,” I insist. “Some way we can get her to at least listen to us.” “I don’t know why she doesn’t understand,” Goten tells me, his dark eyes clouded as the moon somehow illuminated him and missed his eyes. His chin drops a bit as he looks to the side. “There’s no way I can think of, though I’ve tried everything I can. Even Gohan and Videl tried to say something to her....” “They’re pretty cool,” I acknowledge, grateful that Goten has some support. “We may have to do it,” Goten says at last, and I suck in my breath. ******** I walk into the living room, where my mother stands at a window. It’s dark, and I wonder what’s going on until I see that the window is cracked and two voices float on the night air. I suck in a breath softly as I come up behind her to listen. Her back straightens slightly but she doesn’t acknowledge my presence. I lean over her shoulder. “The only bad part is Gohan,” one of the voices says. I recognize my brother after a second. The seriousness in his tone is uncommon. “Why?” Trunks. Why isn’t Kaa-san out there killing them? “I kind of promised him I wouldn’t disobey. He’s taking responsibility for me because he knew.... at least a little before Kaa-san, and he didn’t tell her. I think he feels a little guilty now that he knows she disapproves.” Is that how he sees me. “Well...?” “He says he doesn’t want to interfere, like, he doesn’t want to mess things up for us. And I get the feeling he means it.” My mother is staring at me now. I have the feeling Videl and Pan and I should leave early tomorrow. “But are you sure... it... is a good idea?” Trunks sounds doubtful, like he’d rather get things done the honest way. He sighs, and I’m guessing that Goten is giving him an expression. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I shouldn’t doubt you when you say you’ve exhausted all options. It still doesn’t strike right.” “Well?” “I don’t know. Dammit, why can’t our mothers ever understand how we feel? Even when they try. Even when they want to know. They’ll never accept us for what we are.” “Trunks, they don’t even accept our fathers for what they are, and that’s aliens. How could they accept us? We don’t belong in either world.” Goten sounds depressed, and I lean forward. At the edge of the sill I can see them, and Trunks hugs Goten. “We’ve lived pretty sheltered. It’s time we need to _make_ a world we fit in. I don’t know how you feel, but I can’t sit here and wait for my parents any longer. They can’t hand me my life, although they would if I’d let them!” He sounds frustrated, and his head turns slightly. “I understand,” Goten says. “I feel the same.” “Do you?” “They’re offering me a well-worn life.” He sounds a little distant, but Trunks’ tone drops to join his. “But you don’t need a lot of things. You’re too sweet to get cluttered up by life like I do.” “Hush,” Goten says. “It’s time to start over.” “Easier said than done.” “It sure is.” They’re silent for a time, and I glance once more at my mother, whose face is a mask of concentration. I wonder again what her motives are. “Give it a little time,” Trunks advised. “Try again. Try to talk to her. If you want, I’ll try too.” “Time, time, time!” Goten broke away and stamped his foot. “Humans and time! I can’t sit any longer! I’m sick of being put off. I can’t stand this!” Trunks stands isolated in a pool of moonlight. “I guess we’re more like our fathers than we like to admit.” “We already know what will happen for us, what’s keeping us from doing it?” Goten has paused, facing away from Trunks, and turns his head back over his shoulder slightly. “Saiya-jin don’t place great emphasis on family; so Tou-san says. We can’t deny half of our heritage. To humans parents are important, and I love my parents just like you do yours. Things are just different for us, and they will be different from everything everyone expects.” “Just look at us now.” “Talk about misunderstanding, my mother thinks this is some Saiya-jin strength thing.” “But that’s awful!” Goten sounds horrified. “Well, I don’t know what my mother thinks but it’s gotta be worse. And I get so tired of being under her thumb all the time!” “Hush Goten; you go too far.” “Gomen nasai. Demo, Trunks...!” “I know.” He is silent again, and he says at last, “Next time we speak I’ll be prepared to do whatever you want to do, if you at least try one more time to talk to Chichi-san.” “Gohan would be upset, and Pan...” “Don’t speak to me of Pan.” “I was awful to her.” “Maybe she’ll know how she’s hurt us! And Bra’s not helping. But Pan’s the one who started this.” “She’s just a little girl. I...” Goten looked down. “I feel terrible about everything.” “If it wasn’t for Pan...!” “It would have just taken longer.” “Goten! Don’t excuse her! It was rotten!” “Maybe I do place more emphasis on family than is healthy for me, but she’s my niece and I’d much rather just forget about it. Please.” Goten came to Trunks again, and threw arms around his waist. “Please just forget it ever happened.” “Another thing to add to my list of grievances against Pan..... well, for you I’d do absolutely anything.” “I’ll try not to abuse my power,” Goten said with a smile in his voice. “I never meant to talk to you, I just wanted to see you...” “I know. I know you. I knew it when I saw you. I couldn’t help myself either.” Goten’s head drooped against Trunks’ shoulder. “It’s okay; I feel a lot better now. Stronger...” “I love you, watashi no itooshii...” Goten kissed Trunks gently then disappeared inside his window again. Trunks flew off. “Mother,” I said as I turned. “If you diapprove then why did you allow that?” “Gohan, why must you continue to question me?” My mother snaps at me. She turns to leave. “I know you care how he feels!” I say in a stage-whisper after her. “Why don’t you act like it?” “You never understood. Do you feel the way they do about me?” I pause and my conscience twinges. “Right now at least... yes.” “Well, suffice it to say the whole family never understood each other.” “Then why the hell are we a family?” I ask at last, frustrated. “I wish to god I knew,” my mother says and turns to go. I sink into a chair and fall asleep. ******** Goten got sick soon. I listened in; Baa-san says he barely eats. That’s not at all like my uncle. I start to feel bad... No! How can I feel bad after what he said to me? He acted like he hated me! He acted like he loves Trunks... Does he? I love him too! That’s not fair at all. I loved him long before Goten decided to! I don’t want to lose him to my uncle of all people! I don’t think I feel well either. Kaa-chan takes my temperature but it’s normal. She looks down at me with big blue eyes filled with worry. Does she know why I’m upset? My father sits silent. My grandmother doesn’t speak to him unless she has to. They’ve gone from agreeing on everything to avoiding each other. It’s not something I remember witnessing in my lifetime. My father sits and drinks tea in the kitchen now, and Baa-san cleans. I creep slowly into the kitchen and climb under the table, laying my head on his lap. “Pan-chan,” he says and pulls me up to sit with him. I lay my head against him and close my eyes. My father always smells fresh, not using a whole lot of cologne or anything like other people’s fathers do. I think we’re more sensitive to it or something. “I don’t feel so good Tou-chan.” “Why is that?” He asks in his scholar voice, so I get the feeling he knows. “I don’t know,” I mutter, keeping my eyes shut tight. “Then I can’t help you.” He pats my back though, and waits in silence. “It’s not fair.” “I seem to hear that phrase a lot lately,” he murmurs in return. “I mean, life’s not fair, sweetheart.” “Well, this is _really_ unfair!” I know I’m being childish but I can’t help it. “Tell me something,” my father says, drawing me away from him and looking at me. I open my eyes slowly to see his serious face looking back. “Why did you do it?” “What?” “You know. Just why did you tell your grandmother? I’ve taught you about things like that; if you guess a secret, it’s not your place to tell.” He’s very serious, and I almost wish I’d stayed away. “I dunno.... it’s not fair.” I sound indistinct even to myself. I look up at him again and his gaze tells me to think, and be rational. “I... like him.” “And you wanted him to yourself?” I nod hesitantly. “Has he ever shown any of the same inclination toward you?” I think about this. How am I supposed to tell? Trunks is crazy. “I think we both know he hasn’t. So you had no right to get involved in his personal life.” I pull suddenly; I want away. He doesn’t let go and I know that no one could break his hold if he didn’t want to let go. “That’s...” I want to tell him that that wasn’t what I was doing at all, but I realize it was. “Not only that, you’ve hurt two people who are close to you very much.” “Three.” Bra was upset too. But that wasn’t really my fault; she would have found out. “What are you going to do now?” “I dunno.” I sniff slightly as my eyes water. I don’t like when my father tells me I’m wrong; with mother I’m used to it, but Tou-chan tries to keep from saying it to anyone, so it hurts when he does. He pulls me against him and pats my back again, and gives me a cookie. I eat it sitting in his lap, then climb down and walk away without saying anything else to him. I find myself in my uncle’s room. I’ve tried to keep from coming near here since our last conversation, but I find myself standing in the doorway, rubbing my shoulders against the frame as I stand and think. He lays on the bed now. Baa-san doesn’t trust that he won’t go and meet Trunks, and he hasn’t bothered to try and leave the house, or even his room. I think they both can tolerate it that way. She brings him food and picks most of it up later when she cleans up. Goten sits in his desk chair or on his bed or lies down with a picture frame near him at all times. I don’t recall what it’s of, but it must have something to do with his lover if he holds it so much. He notices me. I don’t say anything at first, and he looks away from me again. It’s a strange thing about my uncle and I; he was a teenager when I was born, but despite that it still seems like we’re close in age. I guess it’s something with being the younger generation. Maybe it’s that people overlook us both. We never get the attention. My father and Trunks have gotten the attention, and Goten seems as though it doesn’t matter. But when he needs his space people react; they take it for granted that he’s there enduring everything with them the rest of the time. Me... well, I don’t know. People underestimate me too I guess. I remember when I was little, I used to come in here and my uncle would give me candy. I move slowly across the room and open his bottom desk drawer, pulling out a sucker. I sit on the end of his bed far away from him and think. It takes until I’ve finished for my mind to form words. “I’m sorry,” I tell him. I don’t think I can bring myself to say more; I didn’t feel at first that I’d done anything wrong. But as I think I wonder, what would it be like if Trunks loved me.. and Goten put a stop to it? “I know,” he says at last. He can’t think in the house; he’s not a cloistered person like his mother. He thinks best alone in the great outdoors; he’s a warrior, and physical stimuli make his mind work. He reaches down and pulls a sucker from his stash in the drawer and unwraps it slowly. We’ve always had similar attitudes in our rare spats as well. I don’t think he ever wants to grow up. I sometimes wonder if I want to either. But he doesn’t apologize to me. I guess he has that right because I did the greater wrong; but it still hurts. “How much do you like him?” “I love him more than you can imagine....” he pauses, and his gaze falls from the ceiling to me, and his next words sound as though they’re something he doesn’t want to admit. “I have for a long time.” I feel my heart wrench. That’s not _fair_! But I nod slightly and look down, closing my eyes to slits and letting my hair hide them in case I cry. “Go on now, Pan,” Goten says after we share a few moments’ uneasy silence. I slink down from the bed and leave for my mother’s arms; she at least doesn’t try to make me realize right from wrong, at that moment at least. ******** Goten was quiet for a long time. At first he turned his music loud and tried to pretend that we weren’t there. After a while, and many times of our mother telling him to turn it down, he did, but the silence was somehow worse. He wouldn’t raise his voice to fill the silence, as was his way. So he was a little sick, and remained that way as he refused to take any vitamins or anything nutritional. He only took what medicine my mother forced him to. When she asked why he wouldn’t eat, he only replied that he wasn’t hungry. I kept a close eye on him, but the picture was depressing. Until one night when I happened to be passing by his room, and I heard a tapping inside. I paused and pressed my ki way down, listening intently. After another moment I’m sure I heard voices. Was Trunks back? Acting on

The Long Road Home, part 5 By: Chocolate-chan

"Goten? You here?" I pushed the door open and came in. The apartment was silent except for the whirring of fans, and I set my bag down as I closed the door. Goten had said today was his day off, so I decided to come home for lunch. There was no noise but the oppressive heat said it all. The air was out again. "Kuso yo," I groaned, and pulled my shirt over my head, going straight into the bathroom to take a shower. I would need the cool-down, most definitely. I stepped out of the stall a few minutes later. I can't stand cold showers, and a hot one would probably kill me. Oh well; some days you just can't win. But then I reminded myself of why I was living here in the first place, and managed a smile. I wrapped a towel around myself, pulling another out to dry my hair as I walked into the bedroom. Goten was asleep on the bed in nothing but shorts, in front of a fan and an open window. At first I hadn't seen the sense of opening a window when it was hot, being a naive city boy. You'd think I'd know better; summers are hot in the city. We lacked a little thing called central air. It was constantly on the fritz, and nearly everyone living here with any money at all had a window unit. We didn't, of course, having come here with nothing but some clothes and some pocket change... lucky for us I had had a big idea of "wallet money." I combed out my hair in front of the mirror, shaking it down into place. As I finished, I shook my head side to side slowly, thinking about my family's "matching haircut" phase. That was unpleasant to review in pictures. I brushed my hair again slowly, wondering why it had to stand out so much in crowds. That would be bad if we wanted to go anywhere. Why was it so straight? Why was it so purple? Why didn't it... stand up or something? That would be scary. Vegeta 'do. Then I realized the heat was going to my head and went to get some ice. I came back into the bedroom, careful not to wake Goten, and changed clothes, sighed and layed on the bed next to him. I fluffed my pillows, crossed my legs and stared at the ceiling crunching ice chips. Goten opened one eye to exactly one eigth of its capacity. "You're loud," he informed me. "That's nice to know," I returned. "I'll never try to sneak up on anyone." "I was having such a nice dream, too. Then an avalanche came and killed me." His eye slipped shut. "Homm..." I closed my mouth around another piece of ice. "Do you ever dream about me?" "Why, should I?" He spoke just fast enough to make it sound like "Why should I?" his eyes remained closed though I could feel his body tense through the bedcoils, prepared for an assault. "Because I'm sexy, and you know it." "Who's been telling you stories like that?" We glared at each other for a moment before we relaxed and he smiled at me. He knew very well that he was the one who had said it. He tilted his head slightly as he opened his dark eyes and turned slightly, stretching an arm across the bed in the other direction. "It's so hot.." "Yes, dear," I answered his moan with a distracted air. "I know I'm hot." "Stop flirting, Trunks, I'm not in the mood." "Aww..." I snapped a finger. "I'm exhausted!" He cried defensively. "That's your fault too." I resisted the urge to grin. "Besides..." Goten opened his mouth to snipe at me some more and I kissed him. He relaxed almost immediately, allowing my tongue to trace his lips before delving into him. I pulled back again and sighed. "I've thought about you all day," I told him mischevously. "As it just so happens..." Goten gave me a narrow-eyed look. Then he hitched his chin higher as he told me, "I was dreaming about you." "Oh..." I shrugged. "Sorry I interrupted... wanna act it out?" "We probably already have." Goten yawned. "Demo.. we'll never know; we died in an avalanche." "Gomen nasai..." I shrugged once more. "You sure are," Goten informed me in the same opening tone he'd used and I rolled my eyes before turning to my side again and pressing his shoulders against the covers, my tongue demanding entrance to his mouth again. He gave it after a moment, and I opened my mouth and pressed an ice cube against his tongue. Goten yelped against my mouth. I pulled back and left him the ice cube and he chewed it for a moment before looking at me. "Cheating. Startled me. Wondered why your lips were cold." After a moment he moved his arms behind his head. "I want another." "Yes darling..." he hated it when I said it in that tone. I yawned slightly, but felt better being home now. I reached into my cup, noting that he had closed his eyes. My ice cube brushed a freezing path up his neck, and traced his lips gently before I pressed the ice cube into his mouth. He shivered and kept his eyes closed. He looked so cute... I sighed long and hard, knowing I would pay later, but dropped an ice cube into his shorts. No one claim that the Son family had no control; his eyes opened and narrowed on mine. "I will get you for that." Then he had to stand and shake it out. I watched in amusement until he threw himself across my stomach on the bed again. "Goten get off me.. it's too damn hot." I sighed and twisted slightly beneath him in a vain attempt to dislodge him. No one could also claim that the Sons had no staying power. "But you usually like when I..." "Off!" He turned his grinning face to look directly at me as much as possible, and I sighed and dumped the whole cup of ice between us. Far from working, he sighed blissfully and pulled over a pillow to make himself comfortable. I acknowledged defeat (nonverbally) and crossed my arms behind my head. It wasn't so bad now anyway. "Trunks?" "Nani?" "This is freaking cold." He laughed, and I realized I'd forgotten - bare skin. I laughed at him, but he seemed determined to stay since I had laughed. After a while I sighed again. "What's wrong?" "I just kinda wondered..." "What is it?" Goten's gaze met mine almost tenderly. I smiled against my instinct. I guess I wanted to soften it slightly; after all, it wasn't his fault. No one had forced me to fall in love with him. "Wondered how my mother's doing." The smile was tight. "Me too. I'm not to awfully eager to go find out though." "If I don't see your mother for a long time... " I shook my head trying to think of a way to finish that. "It'll be too soon." "What's that about my momma?" Goten lowered one eyebrow then promptly returned it. "And sometimes I wonder-" "Yeah," Goten said quickly. Neither of us wanted to go down that road anytime soon. ******** Gohan showed up and invited us to dinner. I sighed and got off the phone as Mama came to get me. Ah well. He can wait. I changed my clothes when the time came and sat in the foyer waiting. It was forever before Kaa-san and Tou-chan came down; and they were arguing about something. "The stupid boy can do as he likes!" Ah. Trunks. I listened with interest but knew the conversation would end soon because I was in the room. Sure enough, Kaa-san was right in the middle of "Don't you even worry-" when she saw me. "Are you ready, Bra-chan?" "Yeah," I said, standing. They always annoyed me when they talked about Trunks; for the last few weeks it was nothing but 'he' this, 'the boy' that. It also reminded me that he was with Goten, or so his note said, and I wasn't. //That boy was supposed to marry me,// I thought with a rather surly disposition. Sure enough, only Pan sensed my mood and was able to bring me out of it. "Don't you worry, Bra-chan," the younger girl assured me. She lifted one gloved hand and let it hover. She was sprawled on her stomach on the floor of her room, where we were idly building a domino tower. She placed the block before taking a breath to think and continue. "I suppose you have all the answers?" I asked, with a not-quite flat grin. "Of course I do!" If there was one thing Pan possessed in spades it was self-confidence. "You know those boys! They won't stay away for long; they're losers! We'll get 'em back soon!" She made a victorious face. "Why don't we leave them alone for a while?" I insisted, after knocking the tower down and catching a frown from Pan. "You're giving up?" "Goten was practically engaged to me," I said with a breath through my teeth. "If that won't hold him, nothing will." "I didn't hear about that one." Pan sits bolt upright. She only interrupts once to ask what a protector is. At the end she sits back and decides it's not useful to her. "And then he ran away on you." Pan shook her head. "That uncle of mine." I wondered just what Pan may be thinking of. ******** I woke the next day to go to work early and get extra hours. The morning was slightly gray and I almost overslept, but lucky for me I checked the clock and got up. It was a drizzly day. Trunks got up at normal time and came out. I laid him out some breakfast and then kindly turned my back in case he decided I couldn't cook. It's usually a varying thing with my cooking from person to person. I left soon enough and looked back at him; his bangs hid his face but some of what I cooked was disappearing; whether to his mouth or a napkin in his lap I guess we'll never know. I turned and ran my fingers through my hair as left, when I realized that Trunks' hair needed to be cut. Mine was falling out of that short functional style I'd chosen for sports, and I decided I'd let it go. There was a woman going up the stairs in front of me, and she edged past without really looking at me, muttering an 'excuse me.' I'd seen people going about their business around, and these were the people who didn't look twice if even once. Her face was hidden by a stack of clothes in a laundry basket. A pair of jeans fell out and I caught them, calling "Excuse me!" "Hmm?" She looked back at me and darkened slightly. "Oh, thank you." "No prob," I said and turned to go. "Goten!" I paused almost at the landing and turned. "Nani yo, Trunks-kun?" "Thought you wanted the paper." He threw it at me and I caught it. "Thanks." He stood in the doorway in nothing but pants. "Go get dressed; you have to go to work." "Bye to you too," he groused. The woman passed us both with a curious look. I worked extra hours after work as well since we were short handed, and checked out feeling extremely pleased with myself. Four hours overtime; and overtime was a good rate. At home I debated between cooking and sleeping, and finally compromised with a shower. By the time I was out Trunks was home starting dinner. "Sorry," I muttered. "Just got in a while ago." He shrugged it off, and I reasoned that he was a better cook anyway, so it was perfectly cool with me. Unfortunately the kitchen gods conspired and we ended up running out of whatever it was he was using. I learned of it by the loud swears coming from the kitchen. "Goten! Run to the store, willya?" "Kay." I hopped up to recieve my grocery list and had just opted to fly as I opened the door. The woman from that morning was standing outside with her hand raised. "Uh... Oyasumi?" I tried after a glance at the darkening sky. "Hi. Watashi wa Botan. I didn't realize new neighbors had moved in, or I would have come to meet you before. I've met everyone who moved onto this floor and lives here now, and they're pretty cool. So if you ever need anything, anyone here will help." "Thanks," I said somewhat in surprise, since no one had welcomed us. Then my gaze moved down and noticed the pot in her hands. "Oh, this is for you guys. It's-" "I don't care, if it's food!" I said, putting on the cutest look I could summon and she laughed at my rudeness. "My specialty." I didn't recognize it through the cover, but it looked good. "If you can cook we'll definitely be friends. My name's Goten. All that swearing comes from Trunks. Trunks!" I yelled over my shoulder. "Cut that out! You stop all that swearing, we have company." "If it's your brother tell him he needs to get me something from Capsule Corp.!" Trunks yelled over a clatter. "It's not." "Oh... hi," he said, without bothering to look. "It's not... your mother, is it?" "No! Don't be so rude!" Botan looked as if she was going to bust out laughing. "I gotta watch this junk." "Watch," I murmured to the dark-haired woman who stood back laughing. "This'll get him." I accepted the dish from her and opened the lid, waving it towards the kitchen. "You hungry, Trunks-kun?" "......Yeah..." Reluctantly it seemed he poked his head out the door. "Hi, nice to meet you," he waved at Botan. "I'll leave you guys alone to eat, kay? I live right over there," she pointed across the hallway, "So if you could return the pot?" "Would you be terribly offended if we accidentally ate in in our rush?" "I'll consider it a compliment. I'm not exactly the best cook in the world." "If it's got sugars, starches, or complex fibers in it you've got Goten beat. Just kidding, Goten." "Thanks a whole ton," I whined. "You guys are really funny. I bet you'll be interesting neighbors. We should do dinner or something sometime." Botan waved and crossed the hall. "Guess I don't have to go out?" I asked. "Gee, this looks good. Wonder what it is?" "Tell me Goten, do you really care what it is?" "Of course not," I said, drawing myself up. "C'mon." "You know what?" Trunks said suddenly across the dinner table after we finished. "Nani kashira?" I asked, wondering what gave him that sudden look. "I've been thinking about home. How long have we been here now?" I ran a hand through my hair in one scratch that calmed my mind a bit. I didn't realize I was still scratching my scalp in a soothing pattern until Trunks gave me a look. "Four weeks?" "Sounds about right. I think it's time we thought about it, you know?" I found myself frowning without realizing it at first. "I mean, I don't totally want us to be alienated from our families forever. I miss them." "Hmm." I didn't realize that my mouth had twisted at the corner until Trunks frowned at me. "What's your problem?" He asked, bewildered. I didn't answer, but after a moment his eyes narrowed as a frown of his own lined his face. "Tell me what you're thinking." "Wakarimasen... I guess..." I propped my feet up on the dinner table. Trunks didn't care about anything like that, and it was a nice change from my mother's rules. "I'm not too eager to go back home I guess." "But why not?" Trunks really looked as though he didn't understand. "They're your family. I know you love them; your mom and Gohan's family; I know how important they are to you. You and Pan are closer than some life-long friends." "Some," I said with a wink, but it faded as it was returned by only a pause in thought train and a blink. "Of course I love them; I never said I didn't. I said I don't want to go back there." "I don't understand." "I wouldn't ask you to understand," I told him, dropping my feet to the floor and pushing myself up. "I would only ask you to stay here with me. But I know you're family's just as important to you, and if you changed your mind I wouldn't be upset with you, and I wouldn't ask again." "Goten!" He stood and looked at me, as I had moved to the doorway to the hall. "Trunks... everything's not life-or-death. You're constantly in motion; I don't know how we can be so close and be so different, but my heart needs rest now. There were hurt feelings on all sides, and I don't want to be so quick to return to that." "It's been a month." Trunks threw one hand aside as if to push my psychological explainations away. "Why do you want to stay away?" "I'm telling you why. You know we can't go back to..." I felt my shoulders tighten. "...To being under their thumbs! That's exactly what it was!" Trunks paused, taken aback. "I want my own life; I'm tired of my mother telling me what I'm going to do! She doesn't understand me, and she never will." Trunks suddenly appeared guilty; I wonder if it was because maybe he felt the same way, or maybe he felt guilty for entertaining the words as I said them. "Listen..." I put some of the air of my affection for him back around me. "You're all I feel I need right now, and you're the only person I want with me. I don't want to forget my family, but if we go back it will be as though nothing has changed; my mother will be happy, then angry, then expect me to be the person I was when I left; the one that listened to her. And I don't want to now, I feel different now. I'm twenty years old, and I'm sick of the world we came from!" My thoughts came from everywhere and nowhere in my head, and Trunks had become a mask of blankness as he stared at me. By refusing our families and our lives, was I refusing him? Just how far removed from them is he? "What... do you mean?" "I thought it was just me at first, as I got older, but I realized that I wasn't happy. I don't feel right there now. When I'm with my mother, she expects me to be human, and to an extent I am. But my name's Son Goten, and that's from my father, and I'm his son too! So around him or Vegeta I'm one person, and around our mothers I'm someone else, and around Gohan I'm the little kid, and to Videl I don't have an effect on her life so it doesn't matter. Pan came around me on my own and she knows what I'm like and what life's like for me, that's why we were so close. And around you I'm someone different too." "Who's the real you, Goten?" It was a reluctant question. "How can I know? I'm always in one role or another; I don't get to step back and watch!" I took a breath as I heard the frustration creep into my words. "But I like who I am around you, 'cause you just know me somehow; you always seemed to understand." "Yeah... I guess I did. It makes sense when I think about it now..." Trunks sat down and his gaze fixed on the middle distance. "Why couldn't I tell?" "It's not something you think about. The person I am around you has changed, and I want to get to know him. I just want some time." Trunks' eyes met mine. The fight had left him; I could see that, and it was the first time I can recall. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to talk about all this. I think I'm going to go burn off some energy. I'll be back, okay?" Trunks nodded vaguely, and I headed for the door. "Goten..." There was something in his voice as I paused at the door. I came back to him and pulled him against me, kissing him on the top of the head. He held onto me for a moment before letting me go to go out the door. ******** I did think about it; I really did, sitting on the bed with my legs crossed thinking about it. When I gave up to try and meditate, it came back until I gave up in frustration. I tried to go out into the living room and read, but it wasn't easy at first. //"You know we can't go back to... to being under their thumbs! That's exactly what it is!"// Was Goten right? Was there any way he was right? Granted, I hadn't thought about it, but it had never occured to me that Goten would be so in touch with himself that he could lay it all on the line for me to see. But was the stuff he had said all the truth? "Well, what about me?" I had always felt somewhere inside myself that Goten and I were two halves of the same... what? I don't know, but times when I'd lost him felt long and isolated. Was what he had said about roles true for me too? He'd said his mother expected him to be human, but that he was different around his father. Was that true for me? I know that everyone is different toward everyone else, isn't that the way people are? But I'd seen Goten around people in school all our lives; everyone always described him as the sweet-yet-dense young man with the cute innocent face. Everyone loved Goten. He was the same to all of them. My father... he'd mentioned my father. Did he do that on purpose? It's true that my father had different expectations from us. He expected us to measure up to our heritage; his heritage. He expected us to be at least as powerful as our fathers were or still are. But my mother told me that Chichi was very unhappy about Gohan learning to fight, and while she'd loosened up somewhat with her second son, she still didn't understand how instinctive the competition was when we fought, and I know that neither did my mother. //Well so what? They're not warriors, of course they'd have different concerns. Goten doesn't know what he's talking about.// Or did he? I mean, for christ's sake, I have a little sister that looks up to me, and I can't just disappear off the face of the earth and not be there for her. I know Goten feels much the same for his even younger niece. This isn't fair! "Kuso yo Goten..." I really hated when he was right about stuff I didn't want to accept. But I still felt that I didn't want to just be out here without connections; we haven't finished school, I mean, technically we have, but we're just not used to this lifestyle. So was what he'd said true? I sighed and buried my concerns in a long fantasy book that managed to calm my mind somewhat. He came in late, and he brought in with him the smell of rain and the cold of wind and the approaching fall. "You shouldn't have waited up." "Just so you know, I didn't, love. I'm reading." I marked my spot with my fingertip and lowered the book to my lap. Goten was still breathing hard and his eyes were wet from the wind speed, his cheeks pink with exposure. I could always tell when he'd been flying. "Oh. Works for me. I'm tired now." He yawned on the tail end of that to prove it, and I smiled. "I've been thinking a lot about what you said." "Mmm..." Goten stretched and came over in front of my chair. He dropped to his knees and threw my book aside with a look of distaste, as if it was the other housepet who'd stolen his spot. Indeed it had, because he laid his head in my lap and waited for me to talk. I opened my mouth, but it ended up closing again as my fingers ran along his cool cheek. Instead I held his head and thought about him, having much more pleasant thoughts. "Maybe you're right." "Maybe.. I'm right?" He opened his eyes, looking a little curious at the shadow of doubt in my tone. "I just don't know, Goten. I wish I had thought about that sooner. But I came here with you and stayed here, and I have zero regrets. If you're not leaving then I'm not, and that's all that's important." I brushed his hair back from his face and sighed softly as his eyes drifted shut with a smile. He didn't say anything, but from the look on his face it didn't seem to be required. I leaned down and laid a kiss on the back of his neck, and then pulled back to realize that he was asleep. ******** I walked along rhythmically, listening to the jangle in my pocket and whistling a vaguely familiar song. I balanced a laundry basket on my head, going down the stairs and across the parking lot, to the small building used for storage of the handful of washers and dryers used by the inhabitants of the apartment complex around us. I started the second load of laundry and threw the last load in the dryer, still humming to myself. There was a radio in the building, and I cranked it a little louder, doing a goofy dance since no one was around to see me. I quit after a minute and unwrapped a half-melted candy bar I pulled out of my pocket. After a while I put the last load of dirty, bloodied clothes in the washer and popped in some quarters. Trunks and I managed to acquire a lot of bloody clothing from our furtively continued spar sessions. I searched my pocket for another couple of quarters and brought them out. One fell away, rolled across the room and slipped into a crack in the floor. "Kuso!" I crossed my arms and thought about it. "Here," a hand reached across in front of me and dropped a shiny quarter into the dryer. "That's the crack of No Return, like that vending machine over there." Botan pointed over her shoulder with a smile. "I'll remember that; domo." I smiled slightly in return. "What's up?" "The usual; absolutely nothing. Did you eat my pot after all?" she pushed a strand of her shoulder-length dark hair behind an ear as she loaded her laundry. "Even worse, I washed it. I'll get it back to you as soon as I'm done here." "How's Trunks-san?" "He's at work, so he can't be too happy." Botan clucked slightly as she also enjoyed the joke. "If you don't mind me commenting, you and him seem close." "We grew up together," I told her, deciding not to touch on my current relationship with Trunks until I'd asked him what he thought. "So I guess you could say we're close." "Hmm." We didn't really talk about anything in particular, the weather, the complex, the people on our floor. I found out she was about thirty and lived alone. "You want to come have some tea with me or something?" She asked as we mounted the stairs. "What time is it?" "San ji han." "Okay." I deposited my laundry and fetched her pot before I walked across the hall. She invited me to make myself comfortable in the living room, and I couldn't help but eye the shiny piano in the corner of the room, sitting with the keys uncovered. I edged over toward it, and played a few chords of "Canon", letting the strains fall away before I heard Botan call from the kitchen, "Play more." I played as much as I remembered, sitting down properly at the keyboard to do so. "My mother loved that piece," Botan commented as she set down the tray on the coffee table. "I didn't appreciate music lessons very much back then, but now I wish I'd finished them." "My mother gave them to me too, only... I don't think I reached my fourth lesson." Botan gave me a questioning look, so I chuckled and told her, "I learned to impress some girl." "What happened to her?" "She didn't like Trunks," I said, and it was the truth. If she didn't like Trunks it was like she didn't like me, so I went on. "I really didn't get into it then. I was so stiff, like my father. He was a diplomat. I was his kid." I know my eyebrows shot up. "Mind if I ask-?" "I fell in love." Botan smiled at a photo on the far end of the piano; I could recognize her holding a baby, with a blond man beside her. "They didn't like Americans." "I guess you and I have some similar problems." "Hmm?" "Nothing. You live alone though, don't you? Mind if I ask-" "They died a while back." Instead of her face going sad like some people's, hers went painfully blank. "I suppose if I begged my mother enough she'd let me back in the family, but... I just need me." She shrugged. "Now, anyways. It doesn't matter. I don't know if I'd go back now, even if I could." "I understand what that's like." "Mind if I ask-?" "I fell in love," I told her with a chuckle. "Sound familiar?" "But you're so young," Botan said with a frown. "Are you sure you weren't hasty?" "How much older than me were you?" "Touche!" Botan laughed. "Okay. I get it; I know not to question that situation." "I imagine it was harder for me than you would guess," I confided. "My father's... long gone, and my mother and I are from completely different worlds. I mean, there's no way we could ever comprehend how each other's minds work, or our reasons for doing what we do. We're more incompatible than most other parents on Earth." She looked skeptical. "If I could make you understand, I would. See, I was my big brother's kid." Botan laughed and offered me a cup. "We all have our crosses to bear," was all she said. It was an interminable time later when there was a knock at the door. "How did you know Goten was here?" Botan asked with a slight smile as she opened the door. Trunks only smiled a bit goofily. "I'm sorry, I meant to get home before you and make dinner." I stood and passed through the apartment and thanked Botan. She smiled and waved and returned his bow. I crossed the hall with a silent Trunks. "What were you up to?" Trunks asked, pulling the door closed behind me on the way in. "Just hanging out, sorry." "Don't be sorry." Trunks followed into the bedroom silently and watched as I put away the laundry. "I was kind of curious about her," Trunks said contemplatively. "She has a complicated backstory, just like us," I winked at him, and he only blinked at me. "Doushita, Trunks?" I frowned slightly; he seemed a little unresponsive. "I just feel tired." Trunks was slouching, without being aware of it. I came and stood in front of him until he leaned against me. "Let's go to bed, Goten." "You're not hungry?" "No... I just want sleep." I acknowledged and told him he should go take a shower. I had taken mine that morning, so I just changed into the loose pants I had taken to sleeping in. I threw myself back on the bed, realizing that I was tired too. It had been a really long day. ******** I came out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom. Goten was already asleep, looking adorable as usual. I felt somehow more isolated without him conscious and making the effort to reach out to me. He did, you know; with every gaze he was urging me to share myself with him as much as I wanted. Sometimes when I most wanted to, I couldn't discover why I felt things the way I did. I wanted Goten to understand me as much as he desired, but I had never really shared so much of myself with anyone before. And I knew that if he could he would know everything about me, backwards and forwards. It was a daunting thought. Endearing but daunting. "Kawaii ne," I murmured and leaned over him to touch his cheek gently. He shifted against my palm in his sleep, and curled up. I pulled one edge of the blanket over him and went into the other room and laid back on the couch, reading until it started to get dark, and I heard a welcome sound; the ancient air system in our building kicked on and a rush of cool air soothed my heated body from the overhead vent. "If that's a blessing, Kami, I'll take it." I rolled over and fell asleep. When I woke it was dark, and the house was peaceful and air-conditioned. I wondered what had woken me, until I heard a soft sound in the house. I frowned and rose from the couch, banging my knee against the table, but not too bad. Stubbing my toe on a chair, that one hurt like hell. I found my way into the bedroom in the near-total darkness, and closed the window first, realizing that I had never bothered to come and do so earlier. Goten made a sound in his sleep; a cross between a sob and a miserable whimper. "Goten," I whispered as I climbed onto the bed and gathered him close to me, and he huddled against me as consciousness returned. "Goten, it's okay. I'm here..." He reached up and touched my face almost blindly; his fingers more gentle than the rays of the sun. His breathing returned to normal, and his arms came around me. I leaned down enough to kiss his damp cheeks, willing the tears away as he pressed his face against me. After an interminable period, he was asleep again and I was left awake to ponder what might be passing through his thoughts. //Will you talk to me, Goten?// For some reason I believed that he would not. Goten woke early, and his stirring roused me as he shifted himself out of my arms. I held onto him stubbornly until he moved to get up, and I reluctantly let him go. I remained on my side, facing the window where he was standing, glancing out and around. He moved to retrieve clothes and dress, and I still watched him, noting how pale he looked, his eyes slightly dull as though he'd gotten no sleep at all last night. I wondered briefly how long he had continued to cry out until I had woken. "So what was that, last night?" I don't think my words came out the way I wanted them to. He all but flinched and told me only 'nothing.' Kuso. He was so much better at this tenderness thing than I was. But I reached out and grasped his waist and pulled him to me, leaning back on the bed, trying to be as tender as he was with me. "If something's hurting you, I want to know. If it's someone, I'll pound them into dust." Goten at last cracked a smile and I pulled his head down, kissing his face lightly and wrapping my arms tighter around him, until he stopped me with one of his sweet kisses. "Genki desu ne." He smiled gently at me and tolerated my affections. "I love you." I returned his sentiments whole-heartedly, but was less eager to accept his word for it. Why was he crying in the night when nothing was wrong? "We gotta go to work," Goten said after a few moments we spent holding each other, kissing. "Get up." "Don't wanna," I pouted, but released him. He made me some breakfast since he was done first, but claimed not to be hungry. He ignored my incredulous look, and I sat down to eat with only an occasional glance in his direction. He truly wasn't the best cook, but he certainly wasn't the worst either. Maybe at least some ability ran in the blood? He was far too easily distracted to cook on a regular basis. "I gotta get in a few minutes early," he informed me. "But I get home early." He brushed himself off before heading to the door. "Well," I replied. "I'm ready to go, and if you'd like I'll try to come home early too. Besides, I have stuff to do this afternoon." Goten nodded at that. I locked up and he went ahead, both of us saying our goodbyes before we went out the door as if by agreement. I watched him mistrustfully as he headed away, starting to become worried for him. I went shopping before I went home just to avoid questions. I brought my bag into the house, which was generally quiet, disguised among some other packages, and Goten didn't seem to notice my detour to the closet in the hall's top shelf. I dumped the rest of my bags on the bed and went back out to where he was having tea with that woman again, Botan. The two of them seemed to hit it off quite well, and I will admit that Botan seems like a nice enough woman. I am not jealous, so banish the thought. She probably doesn't know about us. That thought shouldn't bother me... should it? I sat with them but declined tea. They talked about things I'd never really considered discussing with Goten. I watched them quietly as they talked, and realized to my chagrin that there really wasn't much I had ever cared to share with him. Oops. It's not like he wouldn't understand, and I know that it's not that he wouldn't care, because he would. I just never really thought about talking to him like an acquaintance. He was never an acquaintance to me. Had I been missing something? "Anyways," Goten was saying, "Trunks needs a haircut and probably doesn't trust me with scissors. Think you could, Botan? Tell you what, in return I'll fix that sink that's leaking in your kitchen." He smiled at both of us, and I simply shrugged. "Okay," Botan said. "If Trunks trusts me with scissors near his head, I would." "Well you've gotta be better than me. I was that little kindergartener who was supposed to be cutting squares and triangles and was instead getting something with an outline the cross between a cat and a guinea pig...." Botan laughed and said she'd get her scissors, and show Goten where the tools were. I waited in silence. He seemed different now, but just how different I couldn't tell. It came in the moments between words when he drew back into himself; that was when I could best read him. Botan talked to me as she worked on my hair, and I started to like her a little more with every comment she made. I really didn't blame Goten. Gohan walked in on the middle of the scene, which was odd since I didn't hear the door open. "Ah, bringing in outside help, I see." He nodded. "What's up, Trunks?" "Can't look that far," I informed him. "How is everyone, Gohan-san?" "So/so. Mom gets a distinctly psychotic look every time someone mentions Goten." "I'm guessing she looks pissed when someone mentions me?" "We try not to," Gohan said delicately. "I know a couple of young girls that still love you, however." "I'm sure," I said, letting him take it as he would. "speaking of which, my sister's birthday is coming up-" "Where?" "Hall closet, top shelf, white bag." I smiled. "Thanks, Gohan." "Mm-hmm." "Oi, Gohan?" "What?" His head appeared in the doorway again. "Kinda..." I had to keep from squirming slightly, and Botan gave me a look and paused until I'd settled down again. "Kinda don't tell Goten. I will, just go ahead. Make sure she knows-" "I know, Trunks." "With Bra you have to be sure." "True enough. Where's Goten?" "He's across the hall," I said. "It's okay," Botan informed him. "Go on in, the kitchen's on your left, that's where he should be." "Thanks..." Gohan said and left. "So... if you don't mind me asking, you're giving your sister a birthday present?" "Hai." "And you don't want Goten to know?" "Hai." "That means I should-" "Hai." I sighed. "It's a long story." "And you can't tell it to me?" "Not right now," I decided at last. ******** I walked into the apartment across the hall, calling my brother's name. Goten cursed slightly and it accompanied a banging noise. Then he called back to me in a thick voice. I walked into the kitchen with a slight dread to what I might see. Goten had a cut across the back of his hand that was bleeding freely, but not too much. He sniffed and whimpered at me, and I sighed, taking a handkerchief out of my pocket and wrapping up his hand. "You're so accident prone," I told him affectionately. "You distracted me!" Goten whined and pulled his hand back toward himself as if to inspect the job I'd done, evidently finding it sufficient and going back down to lean under the sink. He picked up a discarded wrench and I watched him tighten something in the semi-dark space under the cabinet. "Yatta!" Goten said, sitting up and wiping his hands off with a smirk to himself. "It should work now." I turned on the faucet; water sprayed him in the face. "Something must be cracked!" he exclaimed, clenched a small utility flashlight between his teeth and went under the sink. After a few minutes and some wrestling, he came out with a pipe that had a giant crack across its backside. It would have been facing away from the door. "Did you overtighten?" I asked, as the break was clean and solid rather than gradual. "Iie," Goten said with a frown. "So what's up, O-nii-chan?" He sat with the pipe in his hand, that arm draped over his knee as though on break. "Nothing much. I had to see how you were doing." I took a moment to pause and assess my brother's condition. He seemed alright, the same weight and everything, so he'd at least been eating okay. But he looked drawn slightly, pale, with circles under his eyes. I decided to play a trump card. "Trunks tells me he's worried about you. Are you alright?" "What's he been saying about me?" Goten asked, sounding affronted. "I just had a weird dream last night, didn't get much sleep." "Weird, like nightmare?" Goten never said the word 'nightmare.' Maybe he didn't want to worry about sounding childish. "Guess so," he muttered. "I don't remember it now." "Ah." "What's in the bag?" He saw it and dove for it; I rescued it from him and held it in my lap where he wouldn't dare attack it. "Not a thing you need to be worried about, little brother." I informed him, and brought my chin up in my 'upper crust' expression that usually made him laugh. He sat back now, and rubbed his head though, seeming tired. "What did Trunks say about me?" "Nothing. I didn't stay there long enough. If I had, I wonder what he would have said?" I wondered aloud, and Goten made a face at me and turned away. "I worry about you quite a bit." Somehow Goten couldn't find it in him to be angry at me. I heard him mutter something about needing to buy a new pipe for his neighbor's sink, as he turned to gather all the tools together. "I need to go to the hardware store, it's down on the corner." "I'll go with you if you like," I told him. When we still lived together we would do things like that, going where the other had to go for no reason at all. I guess we were kind of close. Goten ran next door to tell Trunks and Botan where he was going, and I waited as he ran back out. We talked some as we walked down to the corner. I asked about the place he was in, and he responded pretty much that it was okay. I updated him on stuff at home, and he had this far away look as I spoke. "Doushita, Goten?" I asked. "You really act like something's bothering you." "Not really. I mean, there's nothing." "Try again." He was quiet for a moment. "You can tell me." "Well..." Goten pondered. We pushed open the door to the hardware store and walked down the aisle. We were staring at pipes when Goten said, "Trunks mentioned going home. Not right away, but eventually. He doesn't... feel real good about just running out on his family like we did. He didn't say it that way, but I know him. He feels at least a little guilty." "Mm-hmm..?" I said, encouragingly. "I just..." Goten sighed. "I was upset a little, and I don't know why. It's just been bothering me, that's all. I don't.. obsess over it, but I think about it, and I just don't like it." "How did he say it?" I asked, frowning and not quite understanding how he meant. Goten told me, and I sighed softly. "I just really don't want to go back." "Are you maybe a little afraid he'd go back without you?" I reached forward and picked up a pipe, compared it to the one in Goten's hand, then put it back. "No. Yes." Goten said as his eyes scanned the shelf. "Well... I wasn't. I guess I'll be thinking of that now." His eyes darkened slightly as they had wont to do when he was thinking hard. "Maybe. Maybe I am a little. But I understand why he wants to." "Why do you think he wants to?" I asked, more than a little curious now of how Goten read it. "He loves his family a lot, and you know him, he was raised to be responsible, 'n stuff..." Goten shrugged slightly as he nudged a stack of metal somethings with his toe. "This isn't exactly the most responsible of moves." "Sore de?" "Let me finish. Also, I understand that he worries about his sister. She really looks up to him and all... and it's so much easier to listen to big brothers when they tell you what you should do than parents." I wondered briefly if that was some kind of compliment in my direction, but I set it aside. "Sore de?" We moved around into the next aisle after ascertaining that the part we wanted wasn't on that shelf, if it even existed. "Also... it's familiar, you know? Safe. I kind of miss it already too. Just.. I'd rather be here than there." Goten lowered his chin slightly. "Sometimes when I fall asleep in the daytime I dream Kaa-san finds us and.. eats us or something. I never get that far before I wake up. But at night I dream other things." "What kind of things?" I asked, but somehow got the feeling as the words left my mouth that that wasn't my territory. So when Goten picked up the desired part and headed for the counter, I didn't pursue it. I walked him home, and he waved goodbye to me as I turned to leave. I walked to the car with the white bag in my hands, and climbed into the driver's seat. Out of curiosity I looked into the bag to find a wrapped present. Why didn't he want Goten to know he'd bought his sister a birthday present? ******** I woke up early, I'm not sure why, and moved down the hall to the top of the stairs, peering down into the semi-darkness. Kaa-san at the very least was awake, because I heard her voice. I couldn't make it out. I turned and walked back into my room to dress, brushing my hair carefully, before I slipped on a pair of socks and went down the stairs. "Ohayou, Tou-chan," I said as I sat at the table with my father. He made a small sound since his mouth was full, and after a moment my mother appeared from another room and bid me good morning, asking what I wanted for breakfast. "Mami, I'm not really hungry," I told her, perching my chin on my hand with a yawn and the seldom-used endearment. "I want chocolate milk." Call it a mild regression. Temporary, of course. I got my requested beverage and pulled one leg up under the other, swinging the hanging foot as I drank from a straw. I like straws. O-nii-chan says I'm weird. "Happy birthday, Bra-chan," My mother says after we finish breakfast, and she pulls out some presents for me. "Mami, Tou-chan, arigatou gozaimasu!" I exclaim, and unwrap them happily. My mother most especially is good at this kind of thing. The fact that my father tries has always been enough sentiment for me. He never tried for my big brother, and I remember when I was little I didn't understand that Trunks-nii-chan was used to it. I used to offer him some of my presents. I tried not to think about him now. I felt sad lately when I thought of him. I played quietly with my new goodies at one end of the table as my parents sat at the other with their coffee. I wonder where my brother is right now? What is he doing? Does he think about me very often? My mother suddenly asks me what's the matter. Feeling a little small, embarrassed to admit it, I at last told her, "I miss Trunks!" My father looked surprised if anything, and my mother held out her arms to me and I moved over to accept a hug. Did Tou-chan think I was childish? At last he got up, and I realized that it was time for him to start his daily training routine. As he passed me, however, he reached down and laid his hand on my head briefly, as though maybe, just the littlest bit, he missed his son. He would never say so in a million years. I heard my mother once comment to Chichi-san that Tou-chan had always basically treated my brother like... well, like a guy. Another male. Even when he was little and was content with nothing so much as his father's attention, Trunks was never really.... well, I think of it this way. If something ever happened to me somewhere, I know my father would come to get me, no matter what. I got the feeling that if something happened to my brother, he would be naturally expected to get out of it himself. Whether he could or not, and Tou-chan would know the difference better than anyone. I looked after him for a moment, wanting someone to blame, but even before my mouth opened I knew it wasn't his fault. He and Mami would support Trunks in anything he truly wanted. Tou-chan less-than-enthusiastically, but he probably still wouldn't let anyone mess around with Trunks. It was really because of Goten's mother. Perversely, I didn't want to be angry with her, because she wanted Goten to marry me. But still, me being without Goten romantically was better than being without them both, totally. "I want them back," I told my mother stubbornly. "I don't care about what Chichi-san thinks or whatever reason they went away." "I know," my mother said softly.

The Long Road Home, part 6 By: Chocolate-chan

So later that day I found myself in front of Goten's house with little memory of how I got there. I hesitated before knocking, but when I did it was Goten's sister-in-law who answered. "Ah, Bra-chan!" Videl said, seeming pleased. "We were just about to come see you." "Ah.." I blanked. "Why?" "Your birthday, of course. Did you forget already? You really are old." Videl laughed at the blank look I was still giving and stepped back to invite me in. "Bra," Chichi said in mild surprise. "Come on in. What brings you out and about so early?" But Pan-chan and Gohan-san were in the room with her, and I took so long working up the confidence to ask to talk to her alone that Gohan said something, and then I was forbidden to interrupt by rules of courtesy. "Since you're here anyway, Bra-chan, we can give you your presents now," he said, and Pan moved out to the car. She brought in a white bag that had a few boxes in it, and handed it to me. "Happy birthday, otomodachi!" Pan was all smiles for the first time I could remember since Trunks and Goten left. I couldn't help but smile at the look on her face. I always thought it was strange, when a Son smiled or ate or anything, they looked like a Son. Except for me and my mother, no one in my family looked like anyone exactly. We were all composites. They gave me some cute things. After I'd opened them, Pan nudged the bag. "I don't remember that one," she said. "Well it's Bra's," her father said, "So it's not important if you do. Bra-chan," he addressed me suddenly, and I noticed he had moved directly between me and Chichi-san. "Maybe you should open that one when you're alone." He smiled slightly, but it was almost disquieting, that secret. I was so curious I nearly forgot why I had gone there in the first place, but when Chichi got up to move toward the kitchen, I scurried after her. "Chichi-san?" I asked hesitantly as the kitchen door swung shut behind me. "Is something the matter, Bra-chan?" "Um... kinda. I wanted to ask you something. I've tried to think of everyway possible to say it so you won't be angry or think I'm an awful rude person... but.." "What are you talking about, Bra-chan?" "It's.." Chichi always closed off when someone mentioned my brother or Goten, but I had to try. "It's my brother," I admitted at last, speaking a little fast. "I just.. I wanted to know, why is it that you won't give him.." I risked a glance, got scared and looked at my feet. "Why won't you give them your approval?" "Bra-chan, I really don't think this is a suitable topic," Chichi said, in the rather gentle motherly voice she usuallly used when communicating with me. "You don't have to tell me why, I mean, that's not important, I want something else. I mean.. " I paused, blowing out a breath and tried again. "At first I was mad, you know? When they left, and then I just had to wonder why a lot. Why they ran away from home, that is." I had the feeling she was about to interrupt, which was her right as an adult, so I speeded up what I was saying in an attempt to keep her attention. "You don't have to answer any of my questions, I just.. feel guilty asking my mother.." I squirmed slightly, "Since she misses Trunks-nii-chan so much." Chichi was quiet. "I was mad that they left, because I... well..." I took a deep breath and sighed, shifting my hands behind my back. Chichi had her arms crossed low in front of her, holding a wooden spoon she had picked up. "I liked Goten, that's why. I know I'm too young, but I didn't really care. And I didn't think it was fair when I found out he loved my brother, of all people. But.. I really miss my brother." I took a breath to keep control and not shout; that would only make her angry. "I miss them both. Maybe this was good for me, because I don't like Goten so much anymore, but now I just want them back. I can't stand not having my brother. You know how I woke up this morning? I just... woke up. As long as I remember, every year on my birthday my brother comes in my room and tickles me and carries me downstairs. I..." My eyes started to prickle hotly, and I lowered my face. "And every year on my birthday, Goten-kun buys me lunch wherever I want and spoils me until it's time to go home. Why can't they come home? I-" I was cut off by the kitchen door swinging violently open, and Pan bounded right up to Chichi and grabbed her around the waist. "Did I hear Goten and Trunks?" She looked up at the older woman, saying, "Has anyone seen them? Are they coming back yet? What's going on?" Chichi was silent for a long time, looking down at Pan, who was confused, looking from me to her over again. "Baa-chan...? Where's uncle Goten? My parents won't say anything to me about him..." I heard a slight noise behind me, and saw Gohan and Videl paused at the door to the kitchen, calculating their entry. I had come to ask for my older brother back, but it had turned into a group effort. Gohan opposing his mother, I know it's one thing none of us expected. With Goten nobody was really shocked by anything but the speed. But Gohan was so well-behaved... Gohan eventually decided that enough was enough. He moved into the kitchen and over to his mother, picking up his young daughter and lifting her onto his hip. She held onto him and actually turned on the tears.. whether they were real or she did it on purpose, even I couldn't tell the difference. "I want Goten back!" No 'o-ji' or anything. "Say it right, sweetheart," Videl coaxed her as Gohan handed her off. It usually worked. "No!" Pan yelled. "I want Goten! I want Goten and Trunks." If she'd been on the ground she'd have stomped her foot and charged someone. But she did squirm free and then ran out the back door. There was silence in the room. This was a disaster. It was all my fault, too. I had to open my mouth... I opened it again, trying to rub at my watery eyes. "I'm sorry, I'll go.." I took my stuff and left the house as quickly as I'd arrived, popping my capsule car and getting into it quickly. Did Pan feel the same way I did? I thought about it as I drove down the road. She was such a little tomboy; she was so much more attached to Goten and Trunks than I ever was. It had to be especially bad for her. In one way, I didn't blame her for wanting to keep them with her forever, because I wanted that too. But I also felt foolish, for not realizing that it was impossible to keep them both. I took my presents up to my room, washed my face, fixed on a bright smile and went to pester my mother which was my custom every day. You have to give your parents love and attention or they won't grow up right. I watched for a little while as Tou-chan trained. I yelled encouragements and felt that my duty was discharged. I climbed the stairs again and opened the white bag, pulling my last present from it. The card said something sappy about a 'darling little sister'... if he was here he wouldn't be saying that. He'd be calling me a pest. I opened it slowly. Inside was a doll I'd wanted for my collection for a long time. I pulled it out, slightly entranced, and played with all of it's little buttons and such, and set it up with my others in the small collection. The ones that hadn't been presents I'd gotten rid of a long time ago, but this one really stood out among them. In truth, I would have thrown it straight out the window if it would bring me my big brother back. But part of me still treasured it above the other presents I'd gotten that day, because I was relieved that my big brother hadn't forgotten me. As I thought about it, I realized I didn't think he ever would, but still... it's a wonderful thing to know. ******** One of the things Gohan had said to me on our way home from the hardware store that day was that I should talk to Trunks about how I felt. It was perfectly logical, which was probably part of the reason it was resisted by my consciousness. The other part was almost more telling; that we should talk to each other, and not keep things like our feelings from each other. Did Gohan know something I didn't? Along with a talent for duplicity where our mother was concerned, he apparently had other talents. So Botan-chan's sink was fixed, and Trunks didn't walk around like a shaggy rock monster. Life goes on. I still felt kind of like we were playing house, like after a while we would go home where our mothers would cook dinner for us and we would be expected to study before doing our chores rather than vice versa, or what have you. The freedom was kind of what put me off, too, ever since he had mentioned... "Trunks..." I said one evening, as he came from the other room, after I had spent the day watching the distracted look on his face. I had gone to bed and not too long afterwards he followed. "I don't want to go back now." "What?" "I've thought about it since you've said it. If my mother asks us to come back, I'll be just as happy to do whatever's best, be it go home, or even just let them know where we are. But I don't want to invite trouble by trying to go home now." I had practiced this in my head a few times, and was relieved that it sounded less jumbled than it had the first time. Trunks seemed surprised by me bringing up the subject so suddenly, and he sat down heavily on the bed. I pulled the covers up over my head, not really wanting to look at him when he was so silent. He reached over after a moment, and pulled at them with no success. Trunks climbed into bed, then under the blankets and cuddled against me in the close atmosphere under the covers. His mouth found mine in the dark, kissing me very gently, until I found myself pulling back. "...... Okay?" I could hear him breathing; the sound was shallow, close, and his arms clung around my waist. "Anything," he promised at last. "I'm sorry." "What?" he asked again, seeming more confused now than when he hadn't been sure what I meant. "I'm sorry I made you agree. I'm sorry if I'm hurting you by... you know." I sniffed slightly. "You know... what?" "By.. asking you to be with me. By asking you to give up your family, if necessary to stay here. I didn't want to do that. That wasn't my intention at all. That's how it came out though, isn't it." I was a little dismayed. "You're more than worth any imagined pain." My heart beat in my ears so that I almost couldn't hear him, but I could hear the sound of his voice, and it was more reassuring than I think he ever knew. His fingers traced my jaw. I wondered if he could even see me in the darkness, but for some reason that was an attractive feature of darkness. I let him pull me close then, and my mouth found his just as he was leaning toward me, letting him push me onto my back. Apparently he liked the dark, too. "Keep your eyes closed." I let out a breath and did so, flinching slightly every time his mouth made contact with my skin. He left me with cold and hot shivers going through my body, and I let my hands wander across his back as his mouth moved slowly down my chest, pausing to tease one nipple, the other with his hand, before moving to undress me. I helped him, unable to keep myself still very well until he caught my wrists against the bedcovers and kissed me passionately, his tongue rubbing slowly against mine and forcing me to let him remain dominant for now. He got better at this every time; the thought passed through my head briefly as his touch brought reactions from me. I couldn't help but respond to any move he made, almost helplessly. My obvious desire for him would embarrass me if I was clear-headed, but being so hard when he touched me made it difficult to think. I think his name passed my lips a few times as his mouth played along my stomach, his hands letting mine free as though simply forgetting about them. I sit up suddenly and grab him to me, mouth latching onto his as we rubbed slowly, hard, against each other, savring each other's feel. His tongue fought mine for control, pushing mine back until he caressed my teeth, licked the inside of my cheeks with that velvet tongue of his, sending electric sparks through me as I held onto him. One of my hands slid down to his lower back, pressing hard against that small scar, feeling him take a massive breath and haul me tight against him as I teased him there gently, stroking fingertips back and forth across it. He groaned low in his throat, obviously trying to think of some way to get revenge. He went strangely still for a moment, and I suppose he found it. Two fingers pressed against me, sliding inside of me. I shuddered and nearly bit down on his tongue as his fingers moved in ways I could barely comprehend, stretching and stroking, finding their way deeper into me until they hit a spot that made me loose control of my voice, moaning helplessly as my lover groped sensually inside of me. I lowered my face to his neck, teeth taking hold gently and leaning into him, feeling rivers of pleasure let loose in my body as he moved, sucking my earlobe gently as he touched me. I left a wet spot on the junction of his neck and shoulder as I opened my mouth to say his name, biting my lower lip as I found my voice become more pleading. "Trunks..." It was cut off by a moan. I wasn't entirely sure what he was doing, but kami, did it feel good. "You have something to say?" He teased, voice a low purr. "Make love to me," I said, not about to stand for any of his games. "Now." He was quiet, and I think my demand startled him slightly. He took another moment to tease me blissfully, other hand wandering down to fondle that spot on my back as I'd done to him, nearly taking all control from me, but merely disorienting me long enough to spin me and press me onto my hands and knees. Embarrasing indeed. But I didn't care. I could feel his erection nudging at me, before he thrust himself into me in one smooth movement. It always hurt somewhat as he filled me totally, but I bit my lip again and felt my eyes water slightly, hands fisting without me even realizing it into the sheets. He pulled back and moved in again, slowly, brushing his length against that spot. I felt a rough sound emerge from my throat, feeling a drawn-out shudder course through me. He was taking his time, being so slow and savoring every moment, until I was almost itching from need. "Trunks!" He didn't answer, so I picked the first phrase that came to mind. "Ram me to the headboard, dammit!" He chuckled low, holding me tight around him, straining against my body to be even deeper in me. The sound made me feel a little light-headed, but he still took his time with it, his body doing dizzying things to mine as his hand reached around to touch me, fingers brushing along my length until I swear I was whimpering. "Trunks....!" He grabbed my hips and pulled me back against him, not giving me any time to think, and holding me too tightly for me to move by myself. His hands moved me back and forth on him, and I growled with the sensation, straining to add to the momentum; I think we were rocking the bed. He bent over me, hot breath against the back of my neck as he brought me back against him time and again, harder with each thrust, and after a moment I thought that if he had been the one moving, he really would ram me into the headboard, but I loved every second of it, moving back against him and urging him forward with many words that ended as animalistic grunts or moans. His hand found me again, moving over me with the same rhythm, and the entire world splintered apart as we created the most intense sensations. His hand tightened involuntarily on me as he came, and I knew my muscles clamed down on him, each orgasm leading to the other and neither truly coming first.. a symbiosis of thought and movement I was only beginning to.. ehm, appreciate. He bent over me as I slumped into the bed, pressing himself all the way home inside of me for one final time as we both shuddered through the aftershocks of our pleasure. I try to open my eyes, to figure out what I should do now, but everything is swimming in bright colors as though I'd been exposed to a bright light behind my eyes, leaving imprints on my vision. All I could come up with was spending the rest of the night with him inside of me, but he moved before I could protest, and I almost felt the same pain from the loss when he left me as when he'd entered me. I guess he figured I was too dumbstruck to move, because he manuvered me down to the bed with him and pulled me onto him, one hand in my hair as the other fastened itself around my waist. That's good, I never would have come up with anything that good. Usually I had such good endurance but I was still gasping now. He chuckled softly into my ear. I opened my eyes, just able to make out his silhouette, and even as I sprawled out on him, all the customary tenseness leaving my muscles, I took a moment to be thankful for him. "You're an evil hell-demon," I informed him. "And I will make you pay." "I can't wait," he laughed, his fingers digging into my skin in just the right places that made me purr as I lay on him. //Yeah right,// I said to myself. //How will I ever make him pay for anything? Especially when I like it so much whenever he uses me how he pleases. He's really good at that.// I could feel heat in my cheeks as I thought of it. He layed beneath me, silent, his arms adjusting around me to pull me close in another kind of intimate. He often spoke to me after we made love, seeing if he could "Talk me into it" again, but this time he was oddly quiet. I could feel it too. I guess we had unfinished business. My excuse? All work and no play... I raised my head from where I had lain comfortable and warm against his neck, and propped myself onto my elbows even though they shook slightly with exhaustion. "This is an odd detour, but..." He seemed to get what I wanted to talk about. "I.... bought my sister a birthday present." "And?" "Gave it to Gohan..." "What if she tells your parents, huh? Or worse yet, my mom, like Pan did." Trunks was still and silent as though expecting his tongue-lashing. "I don't wanna lose seeing my brother, too..." Trunks let me go as I was about to push away from him to think. He turned onto his side, away, and sighed softly. "I know. But I.. you don't know how I feel." "I guess not," I told him, just as soft as his breathing that floated between us. "Never had a sister. Y'know, 'cept for yours." He was quiet for a beat. "I'm sorry." "It's okay," I told him. For some reason it was. I wrapped arms around his waist, kissing him between the shoulderblades. "And here you're making me look bad; I didn't buy her lunch this year." "Uhm... Goten?" "Yeah?" "Could you.. let go of me?" I blinked for a moment before it came into my head to be offended. "What'd I do?" "Nothing." My arms slid away from him and back to me slowly. He rose after a moment and pulled on his pants again, and stood to go to the bathroom. The bright light blinded me quite a bit, but I shielded my eyes and sat up. He reached into the medicine cabinet and brought out about three or four aspirin and washed them down with water cupped in his hands. One hand pressed absently to his lower back as he did so. I was reminded of his occasional pain or stiffness by the light scarring left from his surgeries. I cringed, putting aside my momentary hurt feelings as trivial and telling myself that I'm sure what we just did didn't make it any better. The light flicked off at last, and he groped his way into the room and back to the bed, blinded by the dark for only a second or so. After a moment he stepped over the discarded clothing and climbed back into bed. "Your back is hurting?" "Yeah..." He layed down carefully, adjusting himself onto his side facing me. "Just a bit." "Didn't...?" I could have sworn I saw him take two aspirin before he came to bed. "I'm fine." He pulled me to him then and made himself comfortable. "Don't worry." I frowned and couldn't help a bit of a noise. At last when he seemed to be breathing okay, pulse normal, I caught myself trying to sleep and fighting to stay awake. I nuzzled against him, feeling his smooth skin on mine. When I next woke, it was morning, and my day off, he was gone. ******** I sat at my desk, trying to keep my mind focused. On the one hand I needed to finish his report by the end of the workday, and really wanted to go back home to Goten. The other reason I didn't want to do overtime was because my back hurt. 'Course, that's the reason I was having trouble thinking straight. I was long past the point where I was starting to get worried that I was constantly in pain. I got a papercut the other day and bled freely for fifteen minutes. That was how I knew I was overdosing on aspirin. I had heard it was a blood thinner, but damn. Then again, the last thing I wanted to do was worry Goten, and besides that we simply didn't have the money to pay for more hospital bills. We were managing just as we were, so of course something like this would come around. "Oi, Trunks. Get that box for me, willya?" A coworker of mine pointed to a big box on the top of the shelf across the room. He was inundated with work, and was sorting through other kinds of boxes. "Um... could I just cover for you while you get it?" //I hope I hope..// "What?" Annoyance. "Just get it. You're strong; it'll only take a second." I sighed and rose, mounting the small stepladder that led to the top shelf. Still don't understand why coworkers think it's weird to fly. I got a grip on the box and moved down a step, sliding the box down. I felt a knife-pain through my back just as I knew the box would go for my head. It felt like I had lain to rest for a good while before I felt a light slapping on my face. "Trunks? You beaned yourself pretty good; wake up man!" I opened my eyes slightly. Stars exploded as I did, but I forced them open anyway. "You okay?" I managed to nod slightly. "If I'm breathin'." "Help you up?" He stood and reached down a hand to me, and I nodded as I took it. He pulled me up, and as my spine bent I almost felt something rip. I heard a yipe of pain that didn't take much guessing for me to figure out it came from me. "Shit!" I was dropped clumsily back to the floor. "What's wrong with you?" "My back," I said, biting my lip. I took a breath and positioned my hands to push me up. When I tried to move, however, there was no response. Frowning, I tried again. My arms managed to push me up somewhat, but I came crashing down as pain bit at my nerves. "I... can't move.." "Does this happen often? Do I need to call an ambulance?" He was concerned. //Holy cow.// "Yeah," I admitted. Strange, but my body didn't hurt if I was still. My toes were buzzing. He called, and as he replaced the phone I asked him to give it to me. He shrugged and stretched the cord out toward me. I dialed the number from memory and waited until Goten picked up. His voice was sleepy, and I wasn't overly surprised he had slept in. "Goten?" "Trunks, that you? You coming home for lunch or something?" I almost chuckled. "Not exactly....." "What!? Why the hell didn't you say something before, you total nitwit?" I could hear scrabbling on the other end. My coworker raised his eyebrow as he heard the screaming. "Oh, you are dead when I see you!" "Uhm, yeah." "Can you feel your legs?" "Uhm... How far up is that?" "Shit. What do you feel?" "I can't feel my toes, but I can feel halfway up past the kneecap. Look on the bright side, ne?" Goten cursed randomly. "Meet you there."

Goten was nearly there before I was, and as soon as I was in the emergency room, the doctor checked my charts. As he read a wrinkle of concentration appeared between his brows. "Would you like your old room?" "That's fine," I sighed, laying back. I'm not entirely sure how he found me, but I was being chewed out in no time. "Hey.. don't worry, Goten. I'll be out of here in no time. Besides, we don't exactly have the money for another operation." That last was under my breath, but he heard me and I think he about slapped me. "I don't care about the money!" Goten was starting to turn a little red in the face, nearly beside himself. "I care about you!" He fell heavily into a chair beside the bed. "What would I do if this can't be fixed again? What could I do for you?" "You've done enough, Goten. Now it's..." I felt like sleeping. I knew it was time to surrender. "We'll never pay for anything like that alone. There's enough money at home for everybody to get an operation." Goten was quiet. "Go back? You're saying it's time to go home?" I tried to shrug, but it hurt as though I'd pinched a nerve. "I don't know any more." Goten sighed softly. The doctor came in after a while and informed us that the effects of the surgery were reversing themselves. Apparently it was common in human patients, and all (currently known) Saiya-jin had a history of rejection problems when it came to medical procedures (and practical advice). Our bodies didn't generally tolerate foreign bodies very easily. If it did, the immune system was so suppressed that it was in a stupor. Anyway, they were going to try again, this time in conjunction with an odd drug developed to interface with the effects of the surgery. It was also a slightly different procedure as well. "Hmm..." the doctor said, looking at my file. "You have some odd bone configurations." "Is that... bad?" "It's highly abnormal. But, hey, you've lived this far, right? Anything you break could be set, I guess." The doctor grinned slightly and went serious. "Your surgery is scheduled for tomorrow. Is this acceptable?" I glanced at Goten, who sank slightly. "Hai," I nodded. "Alright then. You know where the nurse's button is if you need anything." He left. I looked up at the ceiling for a long moment. It was hard to move very well, especially without pain. I had already been given painkillers which had started to kick in, but it still left a dull ache around my tail spot, where my spine was most sensitive. "Goten?" I asked, almost idly after a long moment. "Yeah?" He moved the chair over within my comfortable viewing range and dropped his hand onto mine. "I'm sorry." "Nani?" "I'm sorry I didn't tell you how bad the pain was. I didn't want to upset you. You're already bad enough now, without me having had you stewing on it for weeks." Goten swallowed hard. "Weeks?" He shook his head. "I'd rather you'd have told me. I was starting to get concerned anyway." "And I'm sorry for everything else I've put you through." "What do you mean?" Goten's tone was soft. "I mean everything. Having to go through all that at home, and now-" I broke off. "I wanted it to be better than that for us." I guess the little apartment where we lived was nice. It was in a fairly good neighborhood and it was, most importantly, unknown by our families. But I still felt guilty sometimes when I looked at my lover, wondering if there was any way I could have played things differently and done better by him. "I'll try to make up for it." "You have nothing to make up for," Goten told me, his expression passionate and compassionate, and I found myself smiling slightly in return. He probably had no idea how happy he made me, but I loved him to death for it. "Are we going back then?" "Yeah." Goten sat back slightly, and I felt a pang at knowing that it was not what he wanted. But he wouldn't bring himself to say that he was doing it for me, and somehow... I don't know, it just made it worse. How could we go home and still be together? "Call Gohan," I said suddenly. "Tell him I need to talk to him." Goten gave me a questioning look. "Tell him I need him to do a favor for me, ASAP." In my slightly dreamy induced condition the idea I'd had sounded good. "Are you..." Goten bit his lip and forced himself to keep from asking questions. "Alright." He left the room and I lay back on my bed, thinking hard, planning. ******** I called Gohan-nii-chan from a payphone and wondered what was up with Trunks. An odd expression had come into his very slightly glazed eyes as he looked at me then. Gohan arrived about twenty minutes later, after I had placed the call, and found me outside with a furrowed brow. He aimed a curious look at me, but I just gestured him inside. "Goten-chan, go get me some water?" Trunks asked sweetly, handing me a cup. I glared slightly, because he knew I was curious, but I went anyway. I ran there and back, and when I arrived, Gohan was sitting in my chair with his chin on his hand, looking intently at Trunks, who was talking. "So.. you'll do it?" "Yeah," Gohan said, with a sigh. "Are you sure?" "Yes," Trunks said, with a firm voice. Then he noticed me and said, "Great, I'm thirsty." I brought him his water and set it down. "What's going on?" "I'd better go do that," Gohan said. "Take good care of Trunks, little brother." He clapped me on the shoulder. Gohan smiled as he walked out. "What's going on?" "Nothin', Goten-chan." I frowned heavily at him. "You'll find out." "What did you ask Gohan to do? Tell me." I sat in the chair and made faces at him. He had elevated the bed earlier, wincing as his spine was bent, and now he reached for my arm. "Be patient, Goten." Seeing my look he sighed. "One thing was to bring them here." "Our families?" Goten looked at me, blankly. "Yeah." Trunks nodded and gripped my wrist a little tighter. "Trust me, everything will be okay." "Are you sure?" "Do you love me?" It was the first time he had ever asked me that, not to mention he answered a question with a question. "O-of course," I stammered, startled and caught offbeat. "But what does that-?" "Then everything will be okay, because I love you too." I cocked my head slightly, unable to fight down a rising tide of guilt and panic at the thought of my mother. I think he must have heard my thoughts, because his almost cobalt-colored eyes bored assuringly into mine. I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, still somehow nervous.

"Are you ready?" My brother asked me. I felt a little dizzy as he said it. I managed to nod, but the room was warm and fuzzy. "Alright, just stay calm and don't worry. Kaa-san's likely to behave rather psychotically, but if she decides for one reason or another to hit you, just take it like a man." "I know that," I managed to sound scathing instead of seasick. Trunks sat on the edge of his bed, looking at us with an unreadable expression. "I'll be fine." There was a knock on the door, and it opened, admitting Bulma and Vegeta and Bra. Bra ran to her brother, crying "O-nii-chan!" and nearly jumping into his lap. Gohan picked her up by the back of her shirt, holding her back. "We only just got him sitting up," Gohan said. "It'll be painful for him if you're too rough." Bra made an admirable effort to restrain herself, and hugged her brother as tightly as she dared. "I missed you!" "I missed you too, little sister. I promise I'll make up to you all that time I was gone." "It's okay," she said, trying to fight off a grin at seeing him. "If you and Goten-san are okay, then everything's alright." "You mean it?" Her brother fixed her with a smile, and I couldn't quite recall any time when the two had looked at each other nearly as equals. "Yeah, I think I do," she said, sounding a little surprised now that he had pointed it out. She smiled guilelessly over at me, and I returned it, feeling a little better. "I'm really glad to see you both." Bulma had held herself back as long as she could. She came to her son and hugged him, hands trembling slightly against his shoulders. "I'm so glad you're okay. We missed you, all of us." Vegeta held his chin up as though she were lying, but his eyes were calm, and not offended like they would be if she had really told a lie on him. He and Trunks shared a long look. Trunks' eyes were rather wide, and Vegeta at last nodded once. //Why's he nodding? What's going on?// I looked quizzically at Trunks, who only smiled gently at me. That was when I turned my head and noticed that the door was open, and my mother stood there. Her face was a shade too pale, but composed. She came and hugged me, whispering that she missed me. I was frozen, but managed to return it despite the tightness in my stomach. I saw Videl and Pan come into the room behind her. She stood beside Bulma then, where they could see both of us. She inquired politely into Trunks' well-being, and merely nodded once when he said he felt pretty good with all the painkillers, Chichi-san, and thank you very much. I didn't think she would seem so uncaring. But when she heard he was alright, I thought I saw her relax slightly. Pan looked from one of us to the other. I found my eyes on her for some reason. She looked down at her feet, and scuffled them slightly, and then ran for me. "O-ji-chan!" I don't know if I'd ever seen anyone so happy to see me in my life. She did some kind of Saiya-jin power jump right into me, and I caught her and twirled her around once like my brother used to do to me, like I did to her when she was little and before she "grew out of such things." I surprised myself with being happy to see her, especially since she was sniffling and mumbling apologies. "It's okay, Pan-chan." I set her down after a moment and she went and nearly hid behind her mother. "I didn't think she would get around to that," Videl said, holding the girl near her. "She has my pride." I smiled slightly, and looked around. The room filled with silent expectation. It made me slightly more sick to the stomach. "Okay then," Trunks said with a nod. Everyone else seemed to be expecting something too, but they looked at him and each other as though unsure of what. "I guess it's time we got started." "Is anyone going to tell me what's going on?" I asked weakly. A few chuckles emerged. Gohan moved over beside Trunks almost nonchalantly, but it was the only real movement in the room, so it was noticed. "Of course, I'm sorry I had to keep you in the dark, Goten-chan." He smiled at me, and I thought I felt my mother flinch, across the room, at the endearment. "But I think you'll understand why, and why I had to do this." As he spoke he reached out a hand toward me, and I crossed the room to take it almost dazedly. "...What?" He smiled up at me, that warm smile that he usually only gave me when we were alone. It felt almost criminal in front of so many people, but I found myself returning it. "I know it's been pretty difficult, and I'm sure there will be more crap in the future. Life's just that way." He had affected a formal tone that bewildered me even more. "But being with you has been the best part of my life, and I don't want to ever lose you, Goten, no matter what. You've given me absolutely everything. I love you, so much." It dimly occurred to me that he had never said that in front of so many people before, but it got barely any reaction from our families. His eyes were locked on mine, freezing me in place as his hands grasped at mine. "That's why I want you to marry me." My face felt cool, as though all the blood had drained away, which was entirely possible. "Someone catch him if he falls," Trunks said in an aside. "Trunks..." I tried a couple times, but at first I almost squeaked, my mouth and throat were so dry. ".. You mean that?" He smiled more warmly, if possible. "Look in my eyes. Do I mean it?" I found my eyes tearing up slightly, but blinked furiously to hold it in, just barely seeing as Trunks turned and whispered, "Gohan-san, that's your cue." "I'm sorry," Gohan said, starting. "It was just beautiful." He pulled out a box and handed it to Trunks, who opened it and offered me the simple gold ring. I remember my vision clouding up, my face going cooler while my body went hot, and the vague voice from the back of my head that told me I could rest now. ******** I saw Goten stir, and a smile touched my mouth. My father had left, claiming that he had "seen the thing, and all knew what would happen next." That was probably followed by a Son family commentary, but by that time he was out the door. Chichi-san had been the next to pass out, but that was before my dad left and he caught her almost automatically, then stared down at her in shock as she opened her eyes and apparently thought he was her husband, saying "Goku" while trying to kiss him. He had held her at arms length until Videl took her and stood her up straight. The back of my father's neck was red as he left. Kaa-san laughed really, really hard. Gohan had picked up his younger brother, and laid him across the bed next to me. I looked at him in complete surprise for a moment, then folded up the ring box with a little snap. "Guess that can wait..." It was so funny, though. Bra looked at Goten in dismay, and Pan looked almost embarrassed but trying to hide it with a bored look. "So.... is he gonna say yes?" "I hope so," I replied. Videl and Pan and Bra went out then, and my mother and Gohan remained for another moment, Gohan bringing his mother's wits back around. "Son... are you sure of what you're doing?" Somehow, my mother managed to say it without making it accusational. "I am," I told her with a small shrug. "I love him." I saw Chichi looking at me. "Ganbatte," she said softly and led Gohan out of the room. I looked across the room at "my nemisis," noting that she looked pale and sad. "Chichi-san... I was... maybe hoping you would wish us good luck too. I mean, no matter what, he's your son and you both love each other." I managed to sound a lot less nervous than I felt. My pain medicine was wearing off. I hoped she wouldn't start hitting me again. If she tried to beat me up I was screwed. For some reason, Chichi looked at me for a long moment, and then turned her gaze to her unconscious son. "Your damn father, why did I have to marry him? I should have known our kids would be so thick-headed!" "But he gets his determination from you, Chichi-san." "I don't have any options, do I Trunks?" I didn't do her the dishonor of agreeing. She paused for a long moment, seeming to choose her words delicately. "Do you... really love him?" "I do, you don't know how much," I told her readily. I felt my heart skip slightly as I looked at his face, color slowly returning to his cheeks. "And could you take care of him? He's just like his father, he needs someone who will watch out for him and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. And make sure he's fed." "He's not that bad." "Fed a lot. There's never enough food." She looked as though that thought had gone through her head quite a few times since she married Goku. "And he won't study unless you make him." "I'll do my best, Chichi-san, but I could never be his mother." I said it as respectfully as possible, trying to make her know that I wouldn't insult him like that, as well as the fact that I couldn't devote my every waking moment to making sure he didn't lean against hot stoves or something like she did for her children. She seemed to catch both meanings. "Maybe there's hope for you yet." She turned to walk away. "Then... you'll approve?" My tone came out hopeful and I fought to bring it back down to normal. She looked at me. I realized as her gaze slid down that my hand had long since found Goten's. "If my son says yes," she replied at last. For some reason the words sounded smaller than I'd imagined them, but they were still welcome. She left before I could say more, and I was left with Goten. I noticed that Gohan had laid him quite close to me, and I could bend my back just enough to look down at him. He had been still for a long time, and continued to lie there now. I slapped his cheek lightly. "Goten-chan, time for school..." He groaned. "Goten-chan, your dinner's ready." He opened his eyes slowly. "Whuh...?" I smiled and waited for the recollection to return to him. When it did, he blushed furiously, and clapped his hands over his cheeks as though knowing how radically different the shade was from his own. He looked at me with mixed emotions. "You okay now? I'm surprised if you were that stressed that you didn't just throw up or something." His eyes narrowed slightly. "You looked so cute, passing out..." Goten pushed himself upright, shakily. "Hey, take it easy, love," I warned, but he didn't try to stand, he only turned to look at me. "Could you...." "What?" "Try that again?" He blushed slightly. I smiled at him. Kami, he's so adorable! "Goten..." I fished around and somehow found the ring I'd asked Gohan to buy for me. Everything had about figured in as I had thought, and I would be able to get at my bank account and pay him back now. "I've realized, that the time I spent living with you was easily the best in my life. I enjoy being with you so much.. I nearly lost my job a couple of times 'cause I couldn't keep my mind off of you." I grinned and flushed and he laughed at me soflty. "I like to think you feel as wonderful with me as I do with you. And there just aren't any words for me to tell you how right it feels to love you. I want to be with you forever. Would you marry me?" Damn. I was on a roll. "You get better at that every time," Goten said as he leaned into me gently, not pressing against me, as though he were going to break me. I leaned into him and hugged him tightly, feeling his arms go around me, and feeling for the first time, free.. as though having to sneak had affected us somehow. But either way we still loved each other. "Goten... are you going to keep stalling?" I murmured, cheek resting against his head. I offered him the ring, and he took it. "Baka. You know I'll marry you." Goten took it, and let me fit it onto him, and sighed softly as he clung to me. "Your mother said... if you said you'd marry me, then she would giver her approval." "Did she really?" Goten seemed as struck by that as anything else. "Yeah... I'm so glad you said yes." He kissed me gently, both of us holding the other close for a long time. "How could I not when I can't help but love you so much?" He looked up at me with his brows drawn, smiling a bit, almost looking guilty. I realized at last that he was wearing a slighly playful expression, and I smiled. My precious Goten.... I felt almost disgustingly fond of him. "Goten," I said after a long moment, kissing him on the forehead and then on the mouth gently, "They moved my surgery up to today. It's almost time." "Really?" He asked, his eyes meeting mine almost fearfully for a moment. "I'm worried," he admitted. "I know. But don't worry, okay? No matter what, everything's going to be okay." I sighed a bit, swallowing hard. "You're such a mush, Goten." Goten didn't say anything. But he held on very tightly. ******** I waited in tense silence among my family members, twisting the gold band on my finger and staring at it like a parasitic organism had attached itself to my finger. It was sucking out all my thoughts into it's own existance, and all my feelings were... My brother drank coffee from a styrofoam cup and glanced at me over the rim. I looked to where my mother was reading a magazine, jangling the bracelets on her right wrist in an almost nervous habit. What does she have to be nervous about? I mean, it's not as though I think she doesn't care about Trunks, but..... I switched my gaze to where Vegeta had tried to tell Bulma for the millionth time that since Trunks was his son, he was invariably strong enough to survive, and since that was the case, he should be allowed to go home and train and not take up space in the waiting room in case I started to pace again. He threw a glance at me, missing Bulma's glare, frowning heavily, and I wondered to myself how Vegeta felt about me being.... I looked at my left hand again and felt my face go warm, completing my thought. ...Married to his son! It sent a flutter of shock and pleasure racing through my veins, and I felt a little light-headed all of a sudden. I layed back in my chairs and felt an impulse to move. I paced again. My mother looked up and frowned slightly. Gohan watched mutely, having previously failed to distract me. The girls were talking softly, Bra pausing in the middle of a sentance and one elevated hand stilling as she looked at me with a frown of her own. Vegeta growled softly and crossed his arms tightly. Bulma watched me in concern, and I paused, happened to be facing her as I turned to circle a row of chairs. She reached out her hands to me, and I found myself going to her, plopping heavily into the chair next to her, and she hugged me gently. She was always so kind to me, so considerate.... her shoulder was comfortable for my cheek, her perfume was quite different from my mother's, but still comforting in its familiarity. I woke when the lighting was dimmed, and Bulma was shaking me, her fingers gripping my upper arm. I flexed involuntarily, breaking her grip as I blinked with a start. "Goten-kun, Trunks can get visitors now. He's in recovery." She was smiling gently, but I couldn't read anything from it. I bit my lip and sat up, rubbing my eyes furiously, as a nurse stood near the doorway to the waiting room with a clipboard in hand. When I rose, she gestured to me to go with her. She led me down nonsense corridors, stopping at a door and knocking on it gently for me. I pushed it open, and stepped into the darkness, my eyes attempting to adjust. As I blinked, my eyes went a little less fuzzy. Enough to see. Enough to recognize my lover's silhouette plastered against the window, standing as close as he could get, palms resting on the glass as he stared up at Venus. Standing.... He must have heard my uneven breaths, because he turned, purple hair swishing slightly as he turned. "Hi my love..." Trunks reached out a hand to me, and I was so filled with relief I could barely stop myself from running into his arms. *~*~*~*~ Oshimai

#Trunks #Goten #Yaoi #Lost Fanfiction

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