#but since this is a 18+ blog I do block anyone without ages in their bio

[incognit0slut]

Lose Control

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Spencer finds himself locked in a room with his rival. Based on:

warning: 18+ explicit content including oral (both), hair-pulling, chocking, and unprotected, semi-public, hate sex

words: 6.8k (I'm a smut-with-a-plot kind of person)

a/n: this is not enemies to lovers. This is, quite frankly, enemies to (fuckable) enemies. Also, we hit 1.2k followers!! Tysm!! I legit made this blog 2 months ago that’s crazyyy😳

MASTERLIST

“…mind games until you lose control…”

CHANGE WAS INEVITABLE WHEN IT CAME TO HIS WORK. Spencer encountered many great people walking through the door of the bureau throughout the years he worked as a profiler. Most of them he genuinely liked, and most of them he considered more than mere colleagues. But from all the people he had to work with, there was one person he really couldn't stand.

"Move out of the way, Reid, you're blocking the way."

He turned to see the last person he wanted to indulge in standing close to him, a hand on her hip and a frown on her face. "There is literally enough space for you to pass through."

"And jeopardize myself by touching you?" She wrinkled her nose. "I think I'll pass."

His gaze, usually warm and welcoming, hardened into a steely resolve. It pierced through her like an icy dagger, radiating an unmistakable contempt. He then backed away, walking further into the room that held rows of shelving units lining up the space. "What are you even doing here?"

"Well, ever since we found the victim's body surrounded by those cryptic signs, it reminded me of the cult massacre which happened in—"

"St. Joseph, 1947," he finished.

"Yeah, although this isn't mass murder, I thought the nature of the death was very similar to that old case." He could practically hear the smugness in her voice as she continued, "I also knew you'd be here and wanted to beat you to it."

His gaze settled on her standing by the door. "I don't think that's going according to plan considering I was here before you arrived."

"Please, you just got here. I bet I can find the files before you do."

His brows furrowed. How could he not feel some kind of disdain when she was acting the way she was? One might say he was acting too immature for his age, for a man who was close to pushing forty he did consider himself too old for petty fights. But it was hard to keep his composure when she was often the one taunting him, ridiculing him with that haughty mouth of hers.

It was better to ignore her presence completely, so he did just that, focusing his attention on the files in front of him as she stepped into the room.

She frowned, feeling her throat clenching before coughing out loud as dust particles greeted her entrance. She was busy trying to swat the specks of dust away from her face when something solid suddenly nudged her feet. Her eyes swept towards the floor.

"Why is this massive book laying here?" She picked up the thick paperback and read its title. "The Anatomy of Motive?"

Spencer's head snapped in an alert. "Wait! Don't—"

But it was too late. The old wooden door hanging loosely on its rusted hinges creaked without any support to keep it ajar, and with a resounding thud, it closed, the sound echoing through the stagnant air. "I put that there for a reason," he grumbled. "And now we're stuck here."

She leaned forward and wrapped her hand around the handle, trying to yank the door open. The panic on her face was evident when it didn't budge. "Shit."

"You can only open it from the other side."

She turned towards him. "Do you have your phone with you?"

"No."

She groaned because her own device was also securely tucked in her bag. Not wanting to be locked in a room with the last person she wanted to be with, she started pounding on the door frantically. "Help! Penelope! Luke!" Bang. Bang. "Anyone!"

"Nobody's going to hear you."

She tuned him out.

"Emily! JJ!" She pressed herself against the door, drawing her mouth close towards the tiny gap between the wooden panel and the wall. "Help! We're locked in!" She suddenly caught his movement from the corner of her eyes and turned to him, noticing the way he was already studying a file.

"What are you doing?"

He slipped back the document into the cabinet and went through the other folders. "Might as well work until they realize we're gone."

She straightened herself and glanced at the watch around her wrist. "But it's late. What if everyone's gone home and we're stuck here for the night?" A thought struck her and she looked up in horror. "Or for days?"

"Then you have yourself to blame."

She glared at him. "You're not helping."

Spencer looked up to see her jaw clenching, accentuating the sharp angles of her face. Her normally composed features, so delicately balanced, now seemed to unravel in a heat of fury. It was the only expression she held every time she had to deal with him.

He glanced away and focused back on his task. "Don't worry, we have a team of competent profilers. If they can find dangerous criminals throughout the country, they can also find their two missing agents."

She considered his words and acknowledged the truth behind them, so she reluctantly moved to the other side of the room, going through the shelves opposite of him. The space went completely still as they both went through the stack of folders shelved between the old cabinets. It wasn't until curiosity got the better of him that he finally looked up, his eyes falling onto her form.

Her back was facing him, giving him a view of her tousled hair falling down over her shoulders. His eyes involuntarily trailed the contours of her body, betraying a mixture of intrigue and curiosity. His gaze lingered upon the gentle curve of her shoulder, the graceful line of her spine, and the sway of her hips as she moved onto the next shelf, her steps echoing through the silence and it was then he realized she was wearing heels.

Again.

This wasn't the first time she decided to wear shoes that looked very uncomfortable to wear. Who even wore heels in this line of work? Being an FBI agent meant you had to be quick on your feet because anything could happen unexpectedly. He once voiced out his opinion on this matter, which she only answered with, "My choice of clothing won't reduce the capability of my brain, Reid. You and I are still doctors even if I wear a bathing suit to work."

"It's not about your choice of clothing, it's about being practical."

"That's why I keep a pair of sneakers in my drawers,” she had haughtily replied, then narrowed her eyes at him. "And don't comment on my shoes when I've held myself from judging on your ugly cardigans."

His cardigans were not ugly.

He shook the memory away as eyes roamed over her again, noticing her very exposed legs. She was also wearing a skirt today, something she often did and something he never dared to have an opinion on, knowing she would probably bite his head off if he did.

"Stop staring at me."

Spencer cleared his throat at being caught. "I wasn't."

"I could practically feel your eyes on me." She looked over her shoulder. "I have great spidey senses."

There was a sudden pause. "Spidey senses?"

"Yeah, like Spiderman." When he didn't respond, she turned around and faced him. "Please tell me you know who Spiderman is?"

When he returned her gaze with a frown, she couldn't help but laugh, turning her back towards him again. "You know this is why people like me better than you. We both may be smart, but you got to admit, my knowledge doesn't simply stop on academics."

He should've been offended by her words, he should've countered back a vile reply, but her voice became white noise to him as he watched her body leaning down, picking up a document that slipped from her grasp. His eyes caught the way the tight skirt clung to her form like a second skin. The fabric, stretched taut against her curves, highlighted the alluring lines of her figure. The skirt's snug fit caressed her thighs, tracing their slender form and hinting at the softness beneath.

This wasn't the first time he noticed her beauty in this type of way, beneath all that glare she often carried whenever he was around her, he knew she was an attractive woman. It was her personality that often stopped him from marveling this insight. But being in this closed, tight space, Spencer was forced to study her, and with the way his body was reacting, he knew his lingering stare was more than simple admiration.

He could feel his blood pulsing down south, tightening underneath the confinement of his pants.

As she straightened herself, she felt a sudden shift in the atmosphere. She turned her head and noticed his eyes training on her body.

"You're still staring." She then caught a glimpse of something unguarded in his gaze, something that was definitely far from hatred. Her mind whirled with questions, trying to decipher the meaning behind it. "Stop looking at me like that."

A hint of a smile played on his lips. "Like what?"

"Like you either want to strangle me or—"

"Or?" He prompted.

Like you want to eat me alive.

It was the only way she could describe it. She was aware of how his eyes usually pierced her, how every movement she made or word she uttered could trigger this immense disdain radiating from him. But now the weight of his gaze bore down upon her, casting a palpable heat that danced across her skin. Something had changed, and she felt it in the intensity of his eyes, so different from the usual hostility she had come to expect.

They held a predatory gleam as if he could pounce on her at any moment.

“If I hadn't known you better," she carefully spoke, watching as he took a step towards her, and she took one back, bumping into the wall. "I'd say you're trying to flirt with me with those eyes."

"Me? Flirt with you?" He cocked an eyebrow. "Don't flatter yourself."

She scoffed, squaring her shoulders as he closed the distance between them. "You're right. What was I thinking? You can't even flirt to live."

"You don't even know how I flirt."

"Reid, I've seen you flirt," she said between fits of laughter. "Remember you tried getting that cop's number? You were stuttering and suddenly giving her facts about oil paintings. Paintings."

"She had an interest in fine art," he stated. "And if you must know, after giving those informative facts, I told that no amount of art could ever compare to her beauty as a compliment.”

She snorted, shaking her head in disbelief. "And that actually worked? She gave you her number?"

"No." Then a smirk curled on his lips. "But she did come home with me."

She frowned. That was new information. She never really thought about what went on in his love life, but hearing him implying his active sex life had her feeling strange. "She did?"

He took another step forward. "If I hadn't known you better," he carefully spoke, mimicking her words before. "I'd say you're jealous."

She tilted her head up and scowled at him. "Even if you were the last person on this planet I wouldn't consider breathing in the same air with you."

She waited for his response, but he didn't even seem to be bothered by her words. And as they stood there, holding each other's gaze, she became acutely aware of everything; their close proximity, the warmth radiating from his body, and the rise and fall of his chest. His unfamiliar scent lingered in the air, a distinct combination of earthy musk and a hint of something indefinable. She had never allowed herself to notice it before, but now it was impossible to ignore.

Her eyes then traced the lines on his face, sharp jaw, high cheekbones, and finally settled on his eyes. At first, she thought her eyes was deceiving her, but she knew exactly what held behind his gaze. It was the same expression she saw in all her past lovers. It wouldn’t have surprised her to see the same intensity on other men, but to see it on him? The guy who had always hated her guts the moment she corrected his statistic rants the first time they met?

Spencer fucking Reid?

It was too much for her to handle. She was used to his piercing gaze, his evident disdain. Not this. It became almost overwhelming that she decided to step away.

Just as she turned to retreat from the intensity of his gaze, her body froze as she felt warm fingers gripping her wrist. The contact sent a jolt through her body and her eyes snapped back at him. "What the hell are you doing?"

Ah, there it was, that hatred she was looking for blazing in his eyes again. "You see, I don't like you."

"Good." She held her chin up. "The feeling's mutual."

"You think you're better than everybody else, you think you're better than me."

She was about to retort another response when he suddenly yanked her, a gasp leaving her mouth. "But somehow I can’t help myself from wanting to taste you.”

Then it happened so fast. One moment she was trying to register what was happening, the next thing she knew his lips were on hers, moving frantically in desperate hunger. She couldn't believe he was actually kissing her. It also burned her up inside to find he was good at it. She wanted him to be all teeth and awkward so she could sneer at him and push him away, but he was holding her face in his hands like they hadn't spent months sniping at each other.

A turmoil of thoughts swarmed her mind—What are you doing? Why are you kissing him back? What the hell is wrong with you?—while she gripped onto his arm as a pleased sigh slipped through her mouth before she could catch it.

He slowly pulled away from her, eyes glittering in mischief. "Would you look at that?" he muttered, gripping her jaw and tilting her face like he was appraising her. "All bark and no bite."

She shoved his hands away from her face, ignoring how nice it had felt, wide and warm and firm. "Don't test me."

"Yeah?" His hand settled on her hip, pulling her against him deliberately slow, giving her every opportunity to knock his hand away, to sidestep him, to tell him to stop, but she didn't. He took it as a sign to run his hand behind her. "I think you're bluffing."

Her heart quickened when she felt him gently squeezing her ass. "A-About what?"

"All this bravado of yours," he taunted, his hands now trailing down to her sides. "I bet there's something sweet underneath all this bitterness."

"You don't know me," she hissed breathlessly. It was difficult to keep snapping back at him when his other hand ran up her leg, pushing her skirt up as he went, his grip encompassing the entire width of her thigh.

"Maybe not. But I'm always up for a challenge." His calloused hand brushed at the lacy edge of her underwear and she sucked in a shaky breath. "Let's see how long you can keep up with this attitude."

She opened her mouth to say something snippy, but he ducked down and kissed the words out of her mouth with a low groan. Her brain suddenly froze when his finger curled under the outline of her underwear and tugged it to the side, trailing his slender finger through her bare slit.

A smirk curled at the corner of his lips as pulled away, trailing his mouth along her jawline. His finger brushed along her slickness and it took a lot of self-control for her not to moan. "How are you already so wet?"

Although a small gasp emitted from her as she felt him sliding a finger, and when his thumb pressed against her clit, she closed her eyes, tossing her head to the side at the feeling of him filling her up.

"You're awfully quiet," he murmured against her neck, sucking a bruise against her soft skin as he began to pump his finger. "Who would've thought I had to touch you to keep your mouth shut."

She bit her bottom lip, fighting against the pleasure that surged through her, desperately trying to suppress the enjoyment coursing through her veins. "I hate you."

"No, you don't." His tone was vexingly calm, and all it did was rile her up more. She wished he'd match her frustration because his composure was annoying. Then to make matters worse, he let out an amused laugh. He fucking laughed. "Look at you trying to hold yourself back."

"I'm not—fuck." She gasped as she felt his finger curling inside her.

"Keep telling yourself that." He added another finger and she slumped against the wall, pressing back hard to keep herself upright as he pumped his wrist. "It's okay to admit you're enjoying this."

"I-I'm not," she huffed indignantly.

"Has anyone ever told you you're a bad liar?"

Her breath mingled with the sound of her arousal echoing in the narrowed space as he drove his fingers into her faster. "Shut up, Reid." She then grabbed onto his arm as the pleasure intensified, nails digging into his skin. "You think you're so smart, so full of yourself—"

"You really like picking up a fight, don't you? That's why you always have an attitude with me." His lips brushed her ear. "It gets you worked up. It gets you wet."

She quickly shook her head. "I just don't like you."

"Hmm." He leaned back and watched the way she tensed beneath his touch, her muscles coiling with delicate restraint. It was as if she fought against the pleasure that threatened to consume her, seeking to maintain control even as her body betrayed her desires. "I wonder if you'll like it as much if I put my head between your thighs."

The thought of having his face buried right where her arousal burned drove her over the edge. Her body betrayed her and she knew he could feel it too. "Oh wow, you're clenching around my fingers," he hummed in satisfaction. "Is that what you want? You want me to eat you out?"

"No," she mumbled but he found her hips bucking against his palm.

"Your body is saying otherwise." He withdrew his fingers but kept rubbing tight circles against her clit. Her blood was hammering under her skin and her legs shook as she tried to roll her hips up against his hand again. "Say you want me between your thighs."

She gritted her teeth, her muscles tightening in a valiant effort to hold back the mounting pleasure that begged to be unleashed. "I'm not saying that."

"Are you sure?" His other hand traveled along the back of her head before fisting her hair in his hand, exposing the column of her throat to him. "Don't you want to come all over my face?"

"Reid..." she mumbled hopelessly, her head spinning as his hot breath brushed against her skin. The thought of admitting that infuriated her because him actually getting her off was something she'd never live down. This was Spencer Reid, the man who had always infuriated her with his know-it-all statistics as if she hadn't already known half of the things he said.

But damn it, she really wanted him between her thighs.

"Say it," he repeated, moving his hand away entirely, and she grabbed his wrist desperately, pulling his fingers back to where she wanted them. "Say I want your mouth on me, Spencer, and I'll happily oblige."

"Reid—"

"Spencer," he corrected. "Say it."

Her body quivered, a taut wire stretched to its limit, yearning to snap under the weight of the pleasure that coursed through her. And then his finger suddenly stopped its movement and she knew he wasn't going to touch her again until she gave in. If that's how he wanted it, fine. She was going to consider this as one of their silly mind games, their usual banter whenever they tried to outwit one another. She could figure out a way to get back at him later. She could swallow her pride for now.

"I want your mouth on me," she reluctantly caved in.

"Did you forget my name?"

Unbelievable.

"I fucking hate you," she sneered. Then she pushed him away from the crook of her neck and leveled her gaze on him. "Just put your fucking mouth on me, Spencer."

He clicked his tongue disapprovingly. "You have a very foul mouth."

But true to his words, he eventually dropped to his knees, his hands trailing on either of her sides before he slipped her underwear down her legs. His fingers trailed along her skin as he did it, prickling the depth of her anticipation even when her mind was still trying to comprehend what she was letting herself in.

Because she had never thought of getting eaten out at work, let alone with someone she hated. Sure, hate was a very strong word, but it was what she was used to feeling whenever it came to him. It was easy to engross her hatred every time he treated her differently from the others.

Hate she could do, it came naturally to her. But to desire him, actually wanting him to bury his face between her thighs, was starting to mess her up, and not in a bad way. Not in a way that had her feeling repulsed, but in a way that made her want to grab onto his hair and pull his face right at the center of her heat.

Spencer looked up at her and smiled, as if he knew what she was thinking, and pushed up her skirt around her hips. His eyes bored into her as he hiked one of her legs onto his shoulder. His gaze traveled down her body, taking in her flushed cheeks—out of anger or embarrassment, he didn't know—and continued to sweep over the curve of her breasts before they stopped right in front of him.

"Look at you." He leaned closer, his breath brushed her damp skin. "Aren't you a pretty thing?"

There was something compelling about having Spencer sinking on his knees before her, but having his mouth wrapped around her clit pulled away her senses and her legs started to buckle that she had to grab onto the nearest cabinet for support. She stifled a moan, not expecting the enthusiastic way he devoured her from below with frantic motions of his wandering tongue.

This was so wrong. However, heat continued washing over, traveling up towards her face and burning at the tips of her ears. The more his mouth sucked onto her, lapping his tongue through her slickness, the more her body coursed with pleasure that she couldn't stop herself from sinking her fingers into his hair, holding him in place as she ground her hips over his face.

"For someone who claims to hate me," he whispered, his voice vibrating against her skin, his tongue pushing into her walls. "You sure are enjoying this."

A moan was thick in her throat until she swallowed it down, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of how true his words were. "You're annoying. So fucking annoying," she hissed.

Spencer hummed. "And you taste so good."

She gasped in surprise when she felt him lick a long stripe along her slit, the rough pad of his tongue catching her clit as she jolted. His fingers dipped into her thighs as he held her steady, lewd sounds leaving his lips as he continued to suck her wetness. His movements were suddenly fast, so feral and animalistic as he shamelessly lapped her skin, swallowing every liquid dripping off her body.

The built-up pleasure inside her continued to grow as she rolled her hips into his mouth, trying to focus on the sensation of him pressing his tongue against the same spot each time. Her chest was heaving as she tried to focus on the pleasure that was slowly taking over her rational thoughts, the coil inside her desperately close to breaking.

"Oh, god," Her voice shook, head tipped back and eyes staring at the ceiling as she felt herself dance on the precipice of release for a few agonizing moments before she finally started to shatter. Then a strangled cry left her lips as she began to buck her hips as he continued to suck her clit through her climax, the pleasure clouding her mind. It wasn't until he finally stood up, looking down at her with a grin that she finally took in what just happened.

"Do you still hate me?"

Yes, yes she did, especially with that smug smile of his taunting her. Yet she found herself hooking her fingers around the belt strap of his pants, pulling him closer as the weight of her resistance began to crumble under the force of his unwavering gaze. "So fucking much." The triumphant smile on his face grew as she started to unbuckle his belt, the sound echoing in the room. "Do you have a condom?"

"Do you really think I'm the type of person to be carrying a condom in my pocket?"

"I think you're the type of person who never gets laid." He threw her an uninterested stare which she decided to ignore. Then she let her hands fall to the side. "I'm not having sex without a condom."

Spencer weighed in her words. If he was smart, he would've stopped himself, pulled away, and accept her admission. But he didn't want to be smart, after depending on his intelligence throughout his life, he didn't want to be rational. It was definitely out of his character, but there was something about her that stirred a dormant part of him, awakening desires and emotions he hadn't known existed within his soul.

He had always prided himself on his restraint and self-discipline, but after finally having a taste of her, he found himself unraveling. He wanted more. So he leaned closer, and pressed a desperate kiss at the hollow of her throat, marveling at the way her body trembled from his touch. "Why not?"

She was going to regret it. She really was. But damn it, how could she restrain herself when he was sucking into her skin like a man starved. She splayed her hands on his chest and pushed him away before giving him the deadliest glare she could muster.

"I swear to god if you finish inside me I will kill you."

Then a smirk pulled at the corner of his lips. "Was planning to come in your mouth anyway."

She was about to retort a haughty response when he suddenly grabbed her by the elbow and turned her around, pushing her against the wall. She was taken aback by the newfound dominance he exuded in his touch. It was a side of him she had never witnessed before, and it sent a thrill of surprise and intrigue coursing through her veins, something she would never admit out loud.

He dragged his tongue across his lips at the sight before him as his hands reached for his belt, unclasping the strap before unbuttoning his pants, the sound of his zipper being pulled down echoing in the narrowed space. He then slightly pulled down his briefs, slipping out his cock before his knee wedged in between her thighs, parting her legs to open.

He slightly shifted, his jaw twitching as he gathered saliva in his mouth, craning his neck down to spit on her pulsing core before the head of his cock gently nudged her clit. Embarrassingly, she clenched around nothing. Her vision went white and she felt herself tremble as he positioned himself at her entrance, pushing in inch by inch.

"Fuck," he sighed, hips twitching as he finally slid into her fully, feeling her walls clenching hard around him. "I can get used to this."

She could get used to this too. She had never felt so full before, never felt herself being stretched like this so deliciously, but she certainly didn't need to feed his ego by moaning about it. "Well don't, this is the only time I'm letting this happen."

He pulled back his hips, leaving only the tip as he watched her slickness coated around him. "We'll see about that."

And then all hell broke loose.

He slammed into her with so much force that she let out a muffled scream as her eyes shot wide open. He relentlessly bucked his hips, his cock filling her over and over without self-control, the tip of him hitting her deepest parts relentlessly. She could barely even think as his hips fell into a rhythm, sending her higher and higher with each thrust.

Her legs tensed up even more at the pressure, his hands gripping her hips so hard his fingers dig into her flesh that she knew she would leave bruises. Behind her, he was grunting and growling through gritted teeth as he repeatedly buried himself into her without remorse. It didn't take long before his vicious thrusts had her eyes rolling back behind closed lids, her mind going entirely blank to everything but this very moment.

One of his hands released her hip before she felt him grabbing a fistful of her hair, just at the base of her skull, and sharply pulling. A high-pitched, breathy noise tore out of her at the feel of it. "Poor baby," he cooed. "Look at you so desperate for my cock."

She couldn't help but be stunned by his words. Who would've thought Spencer Reid was good at dirty talk? Definitely not her. It was as though he had unveiled a secret facet of his personality that had remained hidden until now, and she found herself captivated by this revelation.

Not that she was going to admit this, of course, so instead, she solely focused on the way he addressed her. "I am not your baby."

"You want me to call you something else?" He asked between bated breaths, hips thrusting into her. "How about Angel? Darling? Sweetheart?"

She let out a frustrated groan at his teasing but it was probably impossible to discern it from the rest of the noises she was trying to hold. "Are you always this chatty during sex?"

"No," he hummed as he picked up his pace, sending a helpless spasm through her.

"R-Really?" She mused breathlessly. "I must be special then."

He then tugged on her hair even rougher, causing her to curse loudly in response, her hips beginning to eagerly press backward into him as his hips jutted into her relentlessly like a man possessed. "Don't get too cocky."

"Just admit it," she whispered, pleasure racing down her body in waves. "You like me."

With another sharp tug on her hair, he abruptly plunged his cock so deep inside of her that she couldn't stop herself from arching her back. He held himself there as he used the grip on her hair to haul her backward to him, a surprised yelp falling out of her. "I don't like you."

Her back fell onto his chest and she felt his body vibrating behind her. "Then why is your heart beating so fast?"

"Well, sex is physically exerting so..."

How was it possible to be this aroused and annoyed at the same time? Wasn't sex supposed to be enjoyable? Well, she was clearly enjoying this, but it was hard to fully sink into the pleasure when he was driving her insane. Unless...

It dawned on her, that was her move. That was how she could play his game. Maybe she should be enjoying this to the fullest, maybe she should stroke his ego, get into his head, and have him feel as desperate as she was. A fierce determination ignited within her, fueling a newfound resolve to turn the tables on him. This was how she was going to get him back.

"Harder," she asked, pushing her hips into him.

His pace suddenly slowed down, uncertain whether he was hearing her right. "Yeah?"

She nodded. "Please?" she added before he could prompt her.

A satisfied sound escaped his lips—it was a sound she had never heard coming from him, loud and crude emitting between a growl and something coming close to a whimper, which had her smiling triumphantly. "L-Look at you begging now."

This was easier than she expected. She rolled her head back against his shoulder and let out a moan she had kept so hard on controlling. "I want you to fuck me harder, Spencer."

His sharp intake of breath at that moment was worth it. "I know what you're doing."

"What am I doing, baby?" she asked sweetly, dripping in forced affection that sounded nothing like her at all.

He instantly released the hold on her hair, his hand snaking around to grip her throat as his other hand slid around the front of her. "You're messing with me."

She let out a strained sound as she felt his other hand traveling down where they were connected. "I-I thought you wanted me to admit how good you make me feel? Is that not enough? You want me to cry out how amazing your cock feels inside me?"

Then she couldn't help her next words.

"Should I call you daddy?"

Oh, that got him. He hissed as the hand on her throat tightened. "You're a menace."

"A menace you enjoy fucking?"

His lips curled into a snarl. "I'm going to wipe that smug look off your face."

Only then he began to thrust back into her roughly. A series of breathy, needy gasps fell out of her as she held tight onto his forearm that was holding her by her throat. His other hand on her clit circled around roughly, touching her just right that she entirely lost it, her hips quaked against him as he groaned out in response, her walls clenching his cock.

Then his hand left her clit a few moments later, instead landing hard on her ass with a sharp smack that sounded throughout the room. His fingers dug into the flesh there as his hips began clumsily ramming into her, his cock twitching inside of her. The stimulation was too much for her that she clamped a hand over her mouth, trying to keep quiet as he stretched her harshly, the delicious burn only adding to the pleasure.

"You're still holding back?" He taunted, bringing back his hand before another loud smack rang in her ears, her ass burning from the pain. "Let that voice out, no one's going to hear you."

It was amazing how long she could hold in her pleasure because now her walls were starting to crumble when a particularly deep and brutal thrust had his cock hitting her just right. And then, it happened—the dam of restraint finally burst. A low moan escaped her lips, a primal cry of pleasure that echoed through the room like a song of surrender

"That's it," he grunted. "You sound so pretty."

As the sensations intensified, her breaths came in shallow gasps, her heart pounding in her chest. Once she let herself go, she couldn't stop herself from moaning out his name, to which he responded with his own moan, especially when she clenched around him even tighter.

"You gonna come for me now?" She helplessly nodded, not trusting herself to form any coherent words, squirming her hips against him for more. "Go on then," he demanded, his lips brushing the shell of her ear. "Come for me."

She finally snapped as she gave in to the sensation that had been gradually crawling its way up her spine. Pleasure was soon coating every inch of her and as her eyes closed. She didn't bother to muffle her cries this time as she fell apart around his cock, her body convulsing as he continued to thrust inside her, forcing the pleasure to keep growing stronger and stronger until small black spots started to appear in her vision.

When her climax had washed over, she was left dizzy and breathless, still leaning against him. His loud panting breaths quickly filled her ears, his chest heaving beneath her head and she could tell by the way his hips were fluctuating in their pace, the feel of his throbbing cock inside of her, that he was very close to his release.

Panic suddenly crept into her daze state and she craned her neck to look back. "Don't you dare finish inside me, I swear to god—"

Very abruptly he slipped his cock out from inside of her, his arms releasing their hold on her just as fast before turning her to face him.

"Get on your knees."

The ground scraped her skin as she quickly sank onto her knees, and just because he looked so damn good tethering in his pleasure as she stared up at him, she gripped his cock in her hands and took him fully in her mouth.

"Fuck," the gravel in his voice was prominent, her lips gliding effortlessly down his shaft until her nose hits his stomach. His hand finds its way into her hair as she kneeled there before him, fisting a bunch of it at the scalp, desperately needing something to tie him down to reality.

She slid back off his cock to take just his head inside her mouth, swirling her tongue around it before flattening it against his tip, licking a fat stripe while looking up at him through her lashes. Spencer sucked in a sharp breath, tightening the grip on her hair.

Maintaining his gaze, she took him completely down her throat again, essentially swallowing him, holding herself there until she gagged around him. She could taste him on her tongue as she continued to repeat the motion, tears welling at her lids and saliva building at her lips, seeping down her chin.

He groaned at the sight.

"I-I'm gonna come—"

And he did. She felt lightheaded as the first shot of liquid filled her mouth, and then he jutted his hips a few more times before another surge of his release spilled down her throat. She swallowed him whole, swallowed every drop of him into her mouth as he continued to look down in wonder. She never thought of ever being in this position, but now she decided there was nothing else more satisfying than to watch her rival come undone from her touch.

Although she couldn't dwell in her contentment for long because as she released him from her mouth, the sound of the door rattling waked her senses. Panic flashed in her eyes as they met his gaze, and they instinctively stepped apart before sprinting into action, Spencer tucking himself back in his pants, while she quickly got to her feet and pulled down her skirt, scurrying to the other side of the room.

It wasn't until she spotted her underwear laying by his feet that she realized she was still naked underneath. Spencer followed her line of sight and just as the door creaked, he bent down and quickly grabbed the fabric, shoving it in his pocket at the same time their friend entered the room.

"There you are," Luke sighed in relief, casting them both a look. "We've been searching everywhere for you guys. Are you both alright? I thought I heard screaming."

In that fleeting moment, they both exchanged a glance laden with unspoken messages, each silently urging the other to maintain composure.

"Yes. I-uh." She cleared her throat, struggling to suppress the heat rising to her cheeks, willing herself not to betray the blush that threatened to expose what went on before this. "I was screaming for help."

Luke watched them with keen eyes, skepticism etched upon his face. A subtle tension crackled in the air, barely noticeable to most but not escaping the scrutiny of his gaze. He watched as Spencer hid his face behind a file he was holding, and she was studying her nails as if they were the most interesting thing in the world.

He narrowed his eyes but didn't say anything, before stepping back towards the door again. "Well, come on, there's a new lead on the case. Everyone's waiting."

When he finally left them alone again, she let out a breath she wasn't aware of holding and quickly held out her hand. Spencer raised his eyebrows at her. "What?"

"My underwear?"

He stared at her empty hand, then at her face, and shrugged nonchalantly, leaving her dumbfounded as he started to leave the room before the door closed on them again.

"Reid," she hissed, following behind him. "Give it back."

He looked over his shoulder and gave her a smile, or something close to it because even after what happened a few minutes ago his smile was far from looking genuine. "Come by my place after work and I might give it to you."

Her steps faltered.

"Might?"

But his back was already facing her as he strode down the hallway. She stood there, feeling extremely exposed wearing nothing but her own skin underneath her skirt, and the only way to get back her missing piece of clothing was to force herself in his presence again.

She closed her eyes and sighed, not sure what she felt right now was either anger or exhaustion. Probably both—no, wait, definitely both.

Because what the fuck did she get herself into?

.

Quick question, if I make a taglist for my one-shots does anyone want to be added?

[kithtaehyung]

seven days (m) (teaser) | jjk

POSTED HERE JULY 22ND, 2023!!  upcoming series: seven days (m)  pairing: fuckboy!jungkook x reader(f) genre/rating: m (18+) ; angst , fluff , smut ; roommates to lovers au  summary: you dump yet another guy that wasn’t up to your “ten day standards,” which leaves your cocky ass, very off-limits roommate to tease your single status yet again. but the teasing is always expected. what’s not expected, is the bet that you make without thinking. the bet that even though you give ten days, he wouldn’t even last seven. warnings: cursing, alcohol/vape mentions, parties, he wears glasses sometimes😔👍, chains bc it’s tradition atp lmaooo, cocky!jk, feelings🤕, big big big jk, flirty!jk, baddie!reader😌, multiple explicit scenes🫠, jk constantly in grey sweatpants and nothing else :))), full lists to be revealed each chapter! notes: …so this song called seven dropped and— notes 2: but really there was a fic that had been in the wips for a minute, and i just so happened to have a burst of energy to expand on it so here we are! making it a series to allow myself time to dedicate meaningful energy to each scene and not rush them💕 est. chapters: prologue | mon | tue | wed | thurs | fri | sat | sun | seven days est. running dates: july-september 2023 taglist: sign up here (i check every entry so read the rules!) teaser: below the cut if you want a taste 🩵

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—

“Sure did,” Jungkook puffs before stepping away, taking all the tight space with him and letting you breathe again. “But all I’m saying is, you gotta lower your standards or—” 

“No.”

“Or,” he continues, giving you a look, “Not complain if they’re too high.” 

“Well, thank you.” With your nose grazing the sky, you point out, “I’d like to think they’re just right.” 

“What even are they anyway? All you’ve said is something about ten days.”

“That’s basically it,” you murmur, resting your arms on the island as to not have your chest in full view. “If I still like someone after ten days, I know I’d be fine dating them for real.” 

There’s silence when you finish. When you finally look, the gawk you’re getting in return almost makes you laugh. “What?”

“You mean those days are only a trial run?” 

You do break into laughter this time, burying your face in slight shyness. “And what about it!” 

“Are you serious—?” Jungkook rounds the island so that he can speak directly at your hidden features. “Has anyone even gotten past all ten with you?”

You pause, breath fanning the granite top beneath you and wisping around your face. When you lift your gaze above your arms, you keep it trained on the countertop instead of his curiosity, 

“No.” 

He doesn’t say a word. 

“Not since my standards changed.” 

And you think that’s the end of this conversation. Because what else is there to say? You know your expectations are impossible but you think this is a hell of a lot better than—

“I could do it.” 

“What.” A glare is shot. “Absolutely not.” 

“Why not?”

“You? No.” You shake your head. “You wouldn’t even last seven.” 

“Try me,” he challenges, and you still can’t take him seriously despite the fire in his eyes. “I’ve lasted a lot more than that as your roommate, right?” 

“But that’s—this is—this is different! Be for real, Kook.” You vacate the island and head to your room, having enough of his teasing for one morning. 

But you get stopped at the doorway, a bare chest and chains blocking your vision and sending your mind into a frenzy. When you flick your gaze to his face, he simply says, with the straightest expression,

“I am.”

--

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tbc. :))

🦋 soooo how do we feel !! | wanna be tagged? 🩵

a/n: yeah idk what happened to me. one moment i was saying i wasn't gonna get bitten by the seven bug, and the next.. well. this happened lol. anyway! taglist is on a form so that i can easily keep track of who to tag. pls make sure to either tell me ur age in the survey or to have it on your blog bc i check all entries when tagging. prologue is already written and will be up soon! ++ ⇥ masterlist

[rogersideup]

｡°✩ ♊︎ The Gemini♊︎ ✩ °｡

Chapter 5:

Rearview

Series Masterlist

Previous part: Pink Peonies Next Part: Little Birdie

Word Count: 6,610

Warnings: My blog is 18+ only. All minors or blogs without an age in bio will be blocked. Minors DNI. Mentions and descriptions of sexual acts, anxiety, and sever depression.

Gentle knocks barely caught Bucky's attention from his spot on the couch in his apartment. All the lights were off, and it was quickly nearing bedtime as a show played a little louder than it probably should.

He thought he was hearing things until it happened again, this time he got up and looked through the peephole in his front door. To his surprise you were standing there.

The door swung open with a sense of urgency and Bucky on the other side. His eyes were immediately soft and concerned, his posture relaxed as he leaned onto the doorframe.

"Bug, what happened to you?" He questioned sounding sounding worried as he took in your appearance.

Comfortable work out shorts and a hoodie was pretty much all you wore during your time off of work in the building that always seemed to be air conditioned to a temperature a few degrees below your comfortability, but this time your hair was thrown up in a messy bun, your cheeks pink and your eyes and nose red, but the main point of concern was your arm in a sling.

Bucky had been way better at respecting your boundaries and giving you the space you needed to heal more than anyone else in your life at the moment, and right now, you just really needed a friend. You had some reluctant confidence that he would be willing to listen to you, maybe even give you a hug if you were lucky, and you were also reluctantly confident in your ability to forgive him at this point.

"Hey, I'm really sorry to bother you but I was just hoping you had a few minutes to talk about what happened today?" You pitched.

Bucky was admittedly taken back by your appearance. Your mental health was taking a toll on you, and it was becoming evident. Even since he last saw you a week ago at your evaluation, you looked sadder, frailer, and smaller.

His hand latched onto the upper arm that wasn't in a sling and he gave it a gentle squeeze as he stepped into the hallway, letting his door close behind him.

"Tell me about it" he nodded.

"Um, Harvey yanked my arm back and trapped me against the wall in the hallway earlier today. He dislocated my shoulder" You admitted with a big deep breath, really trying to keep your composure. "I went to the med bay, they popped it back in place but suggested I rest it and take it easy for a few days, hence the sling."

"Oh you poor thing, that sounds painful." Bucky's eyebrows furrowed. "Are you okay?"

You let out a sad chuckle. "No, I'm not." The admission slipped past your lips for the first time ever.

"M'sorry" Bucky sunk into himself.

"Right after it happened I went to training with Steve, it didn't go well." You explained. "He got mad that I was late, and he really wasn't interested in hearing about what made me late or why I was clutching my shoulder and crying. He grabbed my arms and pulled them behind my back then tied my wrists together. The doctor thinks it wasn't completely dislocated until I had to get myself out of the rope. He gave me pain killers and a pretty strong dose of Xanax to calm me down from the panic attack I was having because of him."

"Steve did that to you?" Bucky questioned quietly in disbelief. "I can't believe he did that."

"I don't think he meant to, but whether it was his intention or not, it happened and the bridge has been burned." You gently nodded. "I couldn't believe it either."

"I don't know what to say." Bucky shook his head sadly.

It was evident that Bucky was stuck between a rock and a hard place in this situation. He kept doing what he thought was right, but he still felt immense guilt that his friends were hurting as a result of it.

"You don't need to say anything." You reassured him. "Rogers made it clear that he's not my boss anymore, and Commander Bennett is sleeping so I figured you'd be next in line as a higher up to make informed that I can't report for duty for a minimum of 24 hours because I'm under the influence of benzodiazepines. It's noted in my medical chart."

"Okay, you rest up and I'll make sure to tell him in the morning." Bucky noted. "How are you feeling right now?"

"A little out of it, but the pain isn't nearly as bad so that's all I could've ever hoped for."

"Mental or physical?"

"Both." You admitted. "I'm sure I'll be feeling a lot worse tomorrow, but I'll leave that to be a problem for myself in the future."

"Steve mentioned to me that you quit the rest of training with him, is this why?" Bucky questioned hesitantly.

"Yeah, it is." You sadly confessed. "Ever since the initial fight, seeing him every day has been pretty hard. After today I realized I really need to prioritize my health before being a good agent. I can't go out and fight on a battlefield if I can barely get out of bed anymore. Plus with my shoulder I can't do strenuous physical activity for a week, and after that there would only be one more week of training left so it would be pretty useless."

"Prioritizing your health is important to being a good agent." Bucky reminded you. "Although it makes me sad to hear, I hope you know I'm proud of you for sticking up for yourself to anyone that's causing you pain."

"Thanks." You crossed your arm close to your body, chickening out on the conversation you initially came for.

You weren't stupid, you knew there was a reason why he wasn't inviting you into his place, and that reason was either Natasha or Steve. Either way, you didn't want to interrupt.

An awkward silence fell over the two of you, and it made your skin crawl. Both of you were far too wrapped up in your own heads just trying to find the right thing to say to each other, but the words never appeared, so you put an end to it.

"oh...and uh thanks for handling Commander Bennett in the morning. It'll be nice to sleep in and not have to worry about waking up early."

"Does he know you're going to quit training? I can tell him about that too."

"He doesn't, but that's not in his jurisdiction anymore so it's fine."

"Got it." Bucky nodded.

"See you around." You awkwardly lifted your hand in an attempts to wave and walk off.

"Hey, would it be okay if I checked on you tomorrow?" Bucky asked. "It's okay if you're not ready for that yet, but I still worry about you a lot. I just want to make sure you're doing okay."

"Yeah, that's fine. You can stop by whenever." You agreed.

"Thanks" Bucky accepted sadly. Then, what he really wanted to say rolled off his tongue unapologetically. "I really miss you, Bug."

"I miss you too." You agreed, the pain you've become rather familiar but never comfortable with was clawing at your chest again. "A lot, actually. But I don't see a situation in which Steve would be okay with us hanging out again, and I know how important your friendship is with each other and I'd never want to be the one to drive a wedge into that."

"I hope you don't take this as me defending him, because I'm not. I promise I'm not." Bucky started. "But I've known him my whole life, I'd like to think I have a good read of his character, and this is nothing like him. He said some really dumb things to you, but bug? I've never seen him this upset with himself in my entire life."

"I don't think there's anything I can do about that." You shook your head. "He's in your place right now, isn't he?

"Yeah, he is." Bucky told you the truth. "He told me about what happened today, he cried for the first time in a few years because he feels terrible about it and how he made you feel."

You swallowed thickly. "That's not an apology for his behavior."

"It's not, but I'm trying to help you understand each other better. If I can attest to anything, it's that you found out about his crush on you at the worst time imaginable. He loves and cares about you so much, and none of it is ill intended. The reason he kept it in for so long was because he was scared of exactly this situation happening, and he's mortified that he broke your friendship and trust in him. Yes, he's been avoiding talking about it because he was hurt by what we did, but now I think he understands and he's avoiding it because he thinks you hate him."

"I don't hate him" You denied. "I'm mad at the way he's handling this, but I don't hate him."

"I know" Bucky nodded.

"He was really angry when I got to training." You told Bucky. "I've never been scared of him before, but I was terrified of him today. I don't know what he was mad about, but I think it was because I was late. I was only late because Harvey was being an asshole, but Steve told me pointedly that he didn't care."

"He was mad at himself, and it was making him grumpy. He's been like this for a week now."

"I don't know how to move past the way he made me feel earlier. It's like I'm scared to see him again because I'm scared that he's still going to scare me." You explained. "It was like there was no traces of my friend left in there, it felt like he was Captain America, and I was the enemy, and there was no mercy for whatever I did to make him mad."

Bucky sighed because he's seen Steve that angry before, and he knew how scary he really can get. He's a tall, muscular guy, and you're barely five-foot-something with far less fighting experience.

"He would never hurt you" Bucky reminded you. "He knows he scared you, and he's having a breakdown because of it."

"He did hurt me, Buck. In more ways than one." You reminded him. "I love him, I really do, but I'm not responsible for his reaction to the way he hurt me. He scared me, he berated me, and he broke my heart but that's his own doing, and he has to deal with the consequences of that just how I have to deal with the consequences of what happened between you and I and how that made Steve feel."

"I get it." He agreed.

"I'm glad that you two seem to be on okay terms, but you understand how that's bullshit, right?"

"Yeah." Bucky practically whispered.

"Well, for what it's worth I'm sorry you're in the position of being stuck in the middle." You apologized. "I love you, I forgive you for telling Steve because I understand why you did it, and I'll always be here for you if you need me, but I also know I can't be the priority."

"Bug, that's not-"

"It's fine, I get it." You saved him from his own lie. "If he's already struggling, are you going to tell him about my shoulder?"

"I don't know." Bucky sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "Should I?"

You shrugged with your one good arm. "You know him better than I ever will."

"Do you want to talk to him?" Bucky asked already knowing the answer, but he had to give it a shot.

"Not tonight." You denied. "If he wants to talk about it he can come to me, but right now I'm a little high on crazy pills and pain killers so I'd rather wait until I have more time to get into my right mind."

"I understand."

"Thanks for listening, it was really nice seeing you again." You said sincerely.

"Thank you for trusting me. Can I give you a hug?" He asked knowing you needed one desperately.

You nodded and opened your good arm for him, he hugged you gently to avoid hurting you, but it was still healing in a way you haven't felt in a while.

"Don't be a stranger, okay? We can talk more about it whenever you need to in order to make it better. I love you bug, I still want to be your friend and I know we can make it work."

"I appreciate it." You nodded.

"Do you need help getting back to your apartment? I can walk you home."

"I'll be okay." You reassured him. "Have a good night, I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow."

Tomorrow came around, and Bucky did eventually come check on you. He found you in bed around 4pm fast asleep with a romcom playing quietly in the background. It made him

Sad to wake you up, but he did it anyways just to make sure you were okay and that you didn't need anything, and once he was convinced that you were okay he left you alone.

Then, that was the last anyone had seen you for 4 whole days. Was it your intention to stay in your apartment for that long? No. But things happen, mental health quickly spirals, and your body felt sick. It was like there was an external force locking you in the walls of your home, and imaginary restraints tying you to your bed.

You were scared to leave because you didn't want to get attacked again, scared to report to work because you didn't want to see Harvey or Steve again, and you were scared to move because you were so tired of being in pain. So yeah, your apartment became your little safe space, but you never realized you were the point of concern around the building.

Especially not so much that you woke up once more, but this time Steve was sitting on the edge of your bed looking absolutely terrified as he gently shook your arm.

"Hey, are you okay?" Steve asked the second your eyes opened, eyebrows pinching together in concern.

You grumbled something he couldn't understand before turning away and covering your entire head with a blanket.

"Wait, stop, I'm not joking. Are you okay?" Steve asked, this time you could hear the genuine worry in his voice.

"Why are you here?" You asked with an adorable glare as your head popped out of the blanket. “What part of leaving me the hell alone do you not understand?”

He hated that it almost made him smile. "No one has seen or heard from you in 4 days. We got so many concerned reports of your disappearance that they made me to a mandated wellness check."

"Obviously I'm well, you can go now." You wrapped yourself tighter in the blankets and turned away from him again.

"You're not obviously well. It's 2pm and you're in bed, you haven't answered anyone's texts or phone calls, and you were supposed to report to Fury today to see if you were okay enough to get back to work. Everyone is worried."

"I'm fine."

"You're watching pride and prejudice." Steve noted simply. "You're not fine."

"Tell Fury I'll report to him in an hour."

"Fury is gone for a while, I think he's out until the end of the month." Steve explained.

"Commander Bennett, then."

"Out of jurisdiction" he reminded you. "That's why Fury sent me."

"Then who can I talk to in an hour?"

"Me." Steve sighed, knowing that's not what you wanted to hear.

"Do you have a meeting spot available in an hour?"

"No, my schedule is full for the rest of the day."

"Tomorrow?"

"Dude, I'm here right now. What's wrong?" Steve asked, his heart pounding and cracking in his chest.

"What time you you have available tomorrow?"

"8am." Steve said simply.

"Fine. I'll take it." You agreed, closing you eyes and trying your best to pretend like this wasn't happening.

"I'm not allowed to leave until I'm convinced you're okay." Steve noted. "Are you sure you don't want to push the meeting up to right now?"

"Positive." You grumbled. "Sometimes when heavy conversations are sprung on someone with no time to prepare for them, it leads to overly emotional responses. Ever heard of something like that happening before, Rogers?"

"Maybe once or twice." He made the active choice to not bite at the argumentative bait you threw him. "How's your shoulder?"

"Attached and functioning."

"When was your last full meal?"

Once again, you turned your head to glare at him. "If I answer these stupid questions does that mean you'll get out of my apartment and go back to pretending like I don't exist?"

"This is just as uncomfortable for me as it is for you" Steve told you. Really, seeing you look so broken down and worn out made him genuinely sad, but right now you weren't looking for his pity. Quite honestly, he was worried about how you would react to him if he expressed how concerned he really was.

Now with knowing what you knew, Steve was at least smart enough to know that if he reacted to this scenario as a coworker, or a boss, or even a friend, all of his concern would be directed straight to the romantic advancement category of your brain. He knew that he always would and always will care for you regardless of if you rejected his feelings for you or not, but in this situation where that information was taken horribly wrong, the best thing he could do was stay neutral and respect that you didn't want to be part of his life anymore.

You didn't want him to care, you didn't want him to be there, you didn't want to get out of bed, and you didn't even want anyone to notice you were gone for so long.

Yet, somehow on the very flip side of the coin, you were mad at him for not expressing that he was more worried about you than he was letting on, you wanted him to just stay with you and fight for a spot back in your life, you wanted to just get out of your congested apartment and breathe some air that wasn't from the buildings circulation system, you wanted to go on a long run and feel the cold morning air, and you wanted the same people who reported you as missing in action to care enough about your existence to actually be nice to you beyond a mandated report.

But really, you just couldn't get yourself to do anything.

Leaving was overwhelming, staying made you want to cry, and there was no solution in between those two options.

"Hey, did I lose you?" Steve asked.

"No. Sorry." You shook your head.

"When was the last time you ate?" He repeated.

"Dinner last night." You grumbled. "I would've lied and said I ate lunch today, but your bullshit detector is almost unfair and I think anything but the truth would make you even more worried."

"At least you're honest." Steve sighed. "Last time you drank?"

"This morning"

"Water?"

"Coffee."

Steve frowned. "Last time you left your apartment?"

"I saw Bucky after I got released from medical, whenever that day was."

"Last time you went outside? Had fun? Hung out with a friend? Anything?"

"I played The Sims 4 yesterday, it was riveting." You said dryly.

"Any future plans you're looking forward to? Something? Anything? Literally just give me anything to work with."

"Ooh!" You perked up. "There's a new sim's expansion pack coming out next week it costs $40 but it's okay because if you break down the cost per hour you play it, it really is cents to a dollar."

"Oh my gosh" Steve sighed, running his hand through his hair and tugging at the ends a big trying to relive the stress you had caused him. "I can't in good conscience say you passed a wellness check."

"I'm trying my best dude, this is all I got. I don't know what else you want from me." You huffed.

You watched Steve's eyebrows furrow in concern as he checked his wrist watch for the time. "Okay, here's the deal."

"If this ends with me in grippy socks and a gown I'm going to be so undeniably pissed off at you."

"You're already undeniably pissed off at me so that's not very threatening, but, no I don't think you need that at this very moment." Steve corrected you. "I have 45 minutes until I have to get to a meeting. If you can pull yourself together and leave your apartment to go get food and do something fun, then check back in with me in a few hours, I'll mark you as well."

"That sounds like a lot of money and effort." You complained.

Steve sighed and pulled his wallet out of the pocket of his nice jeans, then handed you a card between his two fingers. "Take the company card, I'll mark the charges as a business expense."

Only then did your face light up, and you happily grabbed the heavy silver card from his hand. "I think I can work with this."

"The rules are that I need cold hard proof you ate and did at least one activity that'll make you feel better, I don't care what that is. And I need the card back by the end of the day, no ifs ands or buts."

"Deal."

"Okay great, you have 44 minutes now to get out of the building." Steve reminded you.

"Are you really going to stay until I leave?" You questioned, tone full of annoyance and dread.

"Yeah, that's part of the deal."

"Ugh, fine." You ripped the blankets off of yourself. "Can you at least go into the living room so I can shower and change in peace?"

"As you wish" Steve stood up and raised his hands in defense. "But don't make me late, you know I hate being late."

"How could I ever forget?" You rolled your eyes.

More bait that Steve refused to bite, so he quietly walked out of your room and softly closed the door behind him. Sitting on the couch and waiting, half an hour later you flew through your bedroom door and didn't miss a single beat as you flew through the living room and grabbed your purse off the rack.

"Come on, Captain, i'd hate it if you were late under any circumstance!" You said sarcastically, pulling open the front door as he shot up off the couch. "Even if it was completely out of your control!"

"I'm choosing to not respond to that" Steve grumbled, following you out and down the hall with confidence your door would automatically lock as it slammed shut behind the two of you.

Calling the elevator did nothing to slow either of you down as the doors automatically opened, and you shoved yourself into the furthest corner you could, trying your hardest to ignore your racing heart and internal panic over being forced out of the compound. He could read the anxiety on your facial expressions, and feel it radiating off of you as if you were telepathically sending it to him.

You hit the lobby button, Steve hit the floor his office was on.

Since his floor was above the lobby, the doors opened once more and it was his turn to get off. "Have fun, be safe, give me the card back today."

"Wait? When was I supposed to give it back to you?" You made one last sarcastic jab before the doors closed, completely shielding you from his annoyed face.

As per his request, you got food, spent more than a few hours and a few hundred at a beauty salon, made a quick stop home before Steve texted you that he was out of his last meeting.

So you made a leisurely walk over to his office, and knocked twice before entering. He looked tired and more than ready to turn in work for the day as he straightened out the haphazard papers and various sticky notes on his desk.

"That pothos is looking a bit sad." You noted, leaning in the doorway.

The once happy plant with bright green leaves with tiny cream colored patches was now droopy and under watered.

"It's not sad, it's just dramatic when it needs some water. I watered it a few minutes ago, it'll perk up again soon" He explained, looking at the plant, then up to you. "Oh, you got your hair done."

Your hair was now perfectly styled, cut a little shorter, and was a little lighter throughout the ends. Steve also noticed your casual street ware was replaced with your favorite sweatpants and a cropped t shirt. He once again cursed himself for thinking about how beautiful you were when he really should've still been mad at you.

"And my nails, and my eyebrows." You noted, holding up your hands for him to see. "Is this enough evidence?"

"I guess it is." He nodded. "What did you get to eat?"

"Dim sum" you admitted. "Here's the card."

It wasn't the cheapest option in the world, but every few weeks you and Steve would happily splurge and go get dim sum together because it was just so good. But hey, if you had the company card, you we're definitely going to fill your belly up with bao and dumplings.

"Thanks." He took it back from you. "Do you feel any better?"

"Yeah, maybe a little bit." You nodded. "But I am going to continue on with that meeting in the morning, oh, and definitely finish pride and prejudice."

"Would you like to have the meeting now? I'll stay late, I don't mind." He asked. Staying late was the last thing he wanted to do, but nothing would be worse than living with the anxiety that this unknown meeting was causing him.

"No it's fine, you seem tired." You denied. "And by the way, did you know the company card works on The Sims 4?! Now I'm even more excited for that new expansion pack because I didn't have to pay for it!"

He could tell you were still deeply sad and exhausted by your surroundings, but your fake enthusiasm wasn't helping him feel any less concerned by your state of being.

"Lovely. I'm happy for you." Steve said dryly.

"See you in the morning, Captain Rogers. 8 am, don't be late."

And just like that, you slipped past his office door. Steve wished it was physically possible to kick himself in that moment. He so desperately wanted to just talk to you, he wanted to explain himself, express to you that he loved and cared for you regardless of where the two of you stood, he wanted to be a good friend and be there for you through this very obvious rough patch, but he couldn't.

The words never properly formulated whenever he was within eyeshot of you, yet the second you left and when he would lay awake at night staring up at the dark ceiling unable to sleep, those words formed perfectly and passionately with no way to express them in a way you deserved to hear.

Just like always, he laid awake all night just for 8 am to come around. Promptly on time, you were back in his office.

As you took a seat in the very familiar chair across his desk, he noticed three things. The first being that you weren't in uniform, the second being that even though you looked beautiful, you no longer looked like yourself, and last but not least, the words escaped him again.

The concealer under your eyes did little to hide the fact that you had been crying, the blush on your cheeks didn't fool him into believing that the life hadn't been drained from your face. Your eyes were dull, your sweet and spunky personality that he loved so much had been missing for a month now. You were right in front of him, but you felt like a ghost and he found himself missing you.

"You're on time" Steve noted. "I stopped for a coffee this morning and grabbed you one too since you're the first meeting of my day."

Steve placed the perfectly ordered vanilla cold brew in front of you, "oh, thanks. I appreciate that."

"Will you please tell me what's going on now?" Steve practically begged. This very meeting had been looming over his head in a storm cloud of anxiety since yesterday.

Without saying anything, you handed him a piece of paper. He took it from your shaky hands with a dreadful look in his eye, so you sat and sipped your coffee and looked at the swirls in the wood of his beautifully stained desk while awaiting his reaction.

The first and only thing his eye picked up before he refused to read more was 'This letter is intended to notify you of my resignation in two weeks from S.H.I.E.L.D.'

"No." Steve said sternly before sliding your resignation letter right back to you.

"No?" You questioned.

"Absolutely not."

"I'm quitting and you're saying...no?" You cocked your head to the side, trying not to cry out of immediate frustration. "You understand that's probably illegal?"

"When have I ever been one to follow the law?" He asked rhetorically. "I can't let you throw everything you've worked so hard for away just because of me. Nuh-uh. Not going to happen."

"This has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with me." You corrected him.

"Why do you think this is the best choice for you right now?" Steve poked, trying his hardest to ignore the way his heart was sitting in the bottom of his stomach.

You braced yourself with a big breath, and accepted the presence of the never ending tears that always stung your eyes nowadays. "Being here has proven to be the worst experience for my mental health, and I need it to get better because I'm scared of what will happen to me if it doesn't."

"There are other things we can try before taking a step this drastic." Steve pleaded.

You shook your head in denial. "I can't get out of bed anymore."

"I'll get you a therapist."

"I've barely been able to eat, shower, work out." You continued painting the picture for him while quickly wiping away a tear. "This is the furthest I've ever been from myself. I look in the mirror and don't recognize my reflection, all i want to do is sleep so I don't have to deal with the constant state of anxiety I'm in just to wake up and hate that I feel numb. I've lost control over my own emotions and I can't take it anymore. We all saw this coming, Steve, so please just let me go."

"Harvey is literally one write up away from getting fire-"

"Four months ago, it had been 3 years since the last time I cried. Now I think I cry about three times a day, and sometimes I need to cry but nothing happens. It's like I'm losing my mind and I hate it."

"But..."

"I never took a day off or called out since I started shield until that one mission when Harvey made sure I got hurt. Ever since then I've been getting hurt more, working less, having to take days off left and right. At this rate, I'd rather go quietly before I get fired."

"Nobody is going to fire you." Steve denied.

"Even before everything happened, I haven't been happy here. My friends and my boyfriend were the only ones keeping me sane and tying me down to the compound, but now? I don't have a boyfriend or even friends for that matter. Everyone here hates me. Nothing is grounding me."

"Do you have another job lined up?" Steve sank in his chair.

"I'll figure it out."

"You know quitting means you'd lose your housing?" Steve challenged. "Do you have another living situation lined up?"

"Yeah, I have two places and two sets of people waiting for me."

You were being cryptic, but Steve knew you were talking about your Sister and Brother in-Law, and your Mom and Dad.

"But you haven't signed a lease yet?"

"No, not yet." You sniffled.

There was a break in conversation, Steve's wheels obviously moving and cranking desperately trying to come up with a solution. So you sat and dissociated from the situation while talking small and slow sips of your coffee.

"Okay, since I legally can't say no to you right now, here's what we're going to do." Steve sat up, and rolled his chair closer into the desk. "I'm putting you on a two week paid leave of absence instead. Take the two weeks to get out of the compound, stay with whoever is waiting for you and really focus on yourself. Really think about what you want, then at the end of the two weeks if you still think that you don't want to do this anymore, that's fine. I'll terminate your employment on the spot, no need for another notice."

"Okay" You accepted. Not only was it a good deal, but it got you out of the compound as soon as today, and all you wanted to do was run out of the doors and never come back.

He started typing around on his computer, and a piece of paper came out of the printer that jumped on. "In the meantime I also really want you to consider this." You grabbed the warm paper from his hands, and looked it over to see that it was the benefits list to the Avengers position. "You'd move up into the loft with the rest of us, you'd never have to see any of the other agents again if you didn't want to. The job is easier- not as busy with more downtime. Everyone loves you and wants you there, plus it would be an increase in pay with better benefits and a killer 401k."

"Everyone?" You asked, "I can think of two people that probably wouldn't want me there right now."

He gave you a disappointed dad stare. "Everyone, and I mean that."

"Much to think about." You mumbled.

"Since you'll be gone and out of harms way, I'm going to take the time to whip the boys into shape since they can't retaliate against you." He noted.

"Good luck with that."

"Questions, comments, concerns?"

"No questions, no more comments, and no less than a million concerns but that's just an average day for me." You stood up from his desk. "Thanks for your time and effort, I'll be back in two weeks I guess."

"Hey, I'm rooting for you, and I genuinely mean that." Steve reminded you sadly. "If you need anything at all, professionally or personally, I'm here. I always will be."

You nodded before pushing through the doors with your coffee and benefits list in hand. As quickly as you could, you packed a bag full of everything you'd need to be gone for a little while in hopes that you could get out of the building before the news spread. The last thing you wanted was Bucky trying to convince you to stay or Harvey getting some sort of sick satisfaction from your choice.

It took about an hour, but walking through the compound with a backpack and a duffel was the most satisfying and enjoyable experience you've ever had since the first time you walked into the building.

Getting into the car and turning the key in the ignition, you let the air from the vents hit your face and dry out the tears on your cheeks. Your seatbelt clicked in place and held you like a hug while the music from your playlist connected to Bluetooth and sang comforting words to you.

After putting in the address to your parents house in maps and set off on your journey, you had an hour and 45 minute drive ahead of you to relax and let the weight of the world roll off your shoulders.

But in the process of setting off on your journey, nothing was more comforting that seeing the reflection of the compound becoming smaller and smaller in the rear view mirrors.

Much like the gravity of all the issues that lived within the cold, gray building, they became smaller and smaller the further you got.

You let all of your problems stay locked in the concrete walls for Steve, Bucky, and Harvey to deal with on their own. Because right now, you needed to get better, you needed to feel like you again.

By the time you pulled into your parent's driveway, you barely had time to open your car door before your dad was grabbing your bags from the back seat while your mom was waiting for a hug.

You hopped out of the car and happily wrapped your arms around her. Before you knew it, there were little arms around your legs, your dad joined in, then two more sets of arms held you close.

"Wha-" You mumbled, lifting your head to see your sister, her husband and your nephew were here as well. "What are you guys doing here?!"

"We made the drive over so we can spend a few days together as a whole family." Jane explained with a kind, sympathetic smile on her face. "Luca lives in a constant state of missing his Auntie Smalls, and we all miss having you around so we thought this would be a perfect opportunity to get some quality time in."

"We know you're having a hard time, sweetheart." Your Mom pet your hair lovingly. "But we're here to rally around you no matter what, okay?"

"Whether you choose to be an agent, or an avenger, or a barista at the coffee shop around the corner, we're going to love you and support you just the same." Your dad reminded you, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. "There's plenty of space here for you, we're happy to have you as long as you need. There's no rush."

“And when they inevitably start to drive you absolutely insane, our house is your house too. You know we would love to have you, as would Luca." Nathan, your brother in law told you.

"We're going to have so much fun! Mommy brought puzzles, and paints, and ooh! We can play Nintendo-" Luca started excitedly.

"Woah there buddy, let's let Auntie at least put her stuff down before we start bombarding her, alright?" Jane giggled.

"Fine... Auntie let's go inside!" Luca grabbed your hand and gently pulled you towards the door of your childhood home.

You looked back with a genuine smile on your face. Tears filled your eyes at the sight of your family in the driveway, but this time they were happy tears, something you were completely unfamiliar with.

"Thank you, I love you guys." You put your free hand over your heart as Luca continued to happily walk you in.

"We love you too." Your mom said, finding comfort next to your dad who was lovingly wrapping his arm around her.

He was happy and content to have his kids and grandkid all under the same roof. Nothing made him happier than his empty nest becoming full again. "We love you more."

Next Part: Little Birdie

Tag List: @saranghaey @firephotogrl74 @selella @talesofadragon @ss28 @nekoannie-chan @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @spikeluv84 @crazyunsexycool @callmissrogers @xxxalicerogersxx @whore-for-chris-evans @em8rin @mulbsstuff @qalijahbydior @awkotaco24 @buckybarnessimpp @nicoline1998enilocin @buckystevelove @rogersbarber @mybuck @dbnightingale24 @ynstark @sincerelytlh @klaralovescaptainamerica @alexakeyloveloki @mrsevans90 @smhnxdiii @claralovescaptainamerica

[blueywrites]

4/19 UPDATE

As of now, all blogs that interacted with the illegal content discovered on Monday have been blocked by me and will never be unblocked. If you see someone you expect to be blocked interact with my blog content, it is an unintentional oversight on my part - please DM me and let me know. There were over 400 URLs in total across multiple posts (some repeated), and I may have missed someone.

I will now be beginning to vet my followers. If you are an adult follower of mine and you do not have your age or age range in your description or pinned post, you will be blocked. There will be no exceptions to this.

Please make sure to allow Mature Content to be shown under your Account settings before Friday 4/21, otherwise, my explicit 18+ content will be hidden and inaccessible to you.

I greatly admire all in this community who have spoken up and continue to take measures to protect adult spaces from minors and, by doing so, help to protect our vulnerable children.

Bluey 💙🌻

As I'm sure many of you are aware, there have been some concerning situations brought to light in the fandom these past couple of days. Many writers like myself are concerned about how people - specifically minors - are interacting with our work that has been clearly labeled 18+.

If you are an adult follower of mine, I want to make you aware of some changes I will be implementing to my blog this week so you don't miss out on my content. If you are a minor, remove yourself immediately from my blog before I do it for you.

First, I want to be clear on my stance in terms of the vile, horrifying content that came to light yesterday. It does not matter to me whether someone interacted with that content purposely or, as some claim, mistakenly. Everyone who has liked or commented on those posts that were tagged with illegal content will be or has already been blocked by me, and I will not be reconsidering this. At the very least, this should be taken as a lesson in being conscientious about what content you attach yourself to without fully reading it. I will be taking this action based on factual, reliable information. It is not a witch hunt.

Second, since the moment I first created this blog, it has been labeled 18+ only because I do not want anyone under the age of eighteen to interact with any of my writing or blog content. As a former educator, I know that kids don't always make the best decisions and will ignore our wishes, so I will be implementing the following changes that may impact you as an adult interacting with my blog.

I will not be fulfilling anonymous requests for smut prompts submitted in response to my 1k fic prompts entries from last month. If you want to resubmit your request off anon, you are more than welcome to.

My writing with sexually explicit content will be community-marked as sexually explicit starting Friday, 4/21. If you do not have 'Mature Content' in the community labels set to 'Show' under your Account settings, you will no longer be able to see much of my writing. If you want to continue reading my stories that have sexually explicit material in them, you will need to adjust that setting.

I will be removing all blank blogs and all underage blogs from my followers starting today. If you are an adult and you do not have your age listed in your blog, you will be removed. Please add your age or age range if you do not want to be removed. This will take time, but if you are a minor and you are following me, I will find you and I will remove you. If you'd like to see yourself out, please be my guest.

I will no longer be compiling tag lists. If you want to read a story of mine, please follow me if you are an adult. I typically announce drop dates and reblog several times, so you are likely not to miss it. If you are concerned about missing a drop, DM me directly.

While I know that some of these changes are inconvenient, it is important to me to maintain a blog that is a safe, comfortable place for all adults.

Thank you for bearing with me on this. This is a fandom full of many special readers and creators who love a very wonderful and special character, and I want to keep it that way. 🌻💙

[ethereal-night-fairy]

Forgotten sorrows

Chapter 4

Fae!Soap X Female Reader

Rún tries to keep her emotions in check while dealing with her traumatic memories and a turbulent reunion with Price.

Warnings: MDNI, dark themes, mention of trauma, suicide attempt, mental health talk unstable emotions, guilt and angst, sorry if I missed any.

Sorry I've been gone for so long it's been over a month i know. I just had a lot on my plate but I'm hopefully getting back to a more consistent writing routine. This chapter isn't all that great but it goes into detail on how Rúns mind works. Im not even sure Rún and Soap will be a thing by the end of this story but we'll find out together lol. Next chapter will probably be a mix between Rúns Pov and Soap's Pov. I just wanted to let anyone know that I'll be blocking blogs that follow me that don't have ages or +18 in their bio. I rather minors not read my content. I hope you all enjoy the chapter. This Fae au belongs to @ghouljams I feature their Oc in my writing, send them some love. This story wouldn't exist without them.

Forgotten Sorrows Masterlist

Masterlist

Words: 5.1k

After entering the home, you occupy yourself by looking around trying to see what had changed since you last came rather than talk about why you were crying. Your friend walked into her kitchen after getting you settled in her living room probably giving you time to sort through your thoughts. You felt the magic of her wards buzz around you welcoming you back after what felt like years but it had only been a couple of weeks since your last visit. Your eyes stung from crying and you felt a little restless so you get up and walk towards her massive bookshelves and cabinets. Little sniffles still left you as you inspect different vials and jars of herbs displayed on her old mahogany shelves. You definitely felt a lot safer than you did before which helped greatly in calming down your nerves. You decide to prop your little wrapped gift beside her other herbs and spices hoping she'll like it. Your best friend comes in with two mismatched tea cups on a tray with your muffins on it.

Sitting down she pats the space beside her on her sofa. She watches you walk over gingerly and sit down beside her. After handing you your cup she encourages you to take small sips of her herbal tea, gently probing trying to figure out how your seal broke while rubbing your back soothingly. She hasn't seen you like this since before your memories were sealed. You were never this unstable with your magic. Maybe it was a bad idea to begin with but it was the only thing at the time she thought would help you. You were in such a desperate state to forget everything, she was afraid you'd do something far worse. She eventually got you to speak. What followed was more tears and a whole lot of word vomit which she deciphered fairly quickly with some well placed questions. She'd gotten the gist of the series of events that brought you here in such a state. It was your sister again, she had a tendency to get herself in horrible situations only to dump all the responsibilities of said situations on you when things didn't work out. She wasn’t a fan of your sister and voiced her displeasure often. Though this time was far worse, your sister had become entangled with a fae. A fae clearly out to consume her. You were too kind for your own good and highly protective of the one person who said they wanted you as their family. You two would get into small arguments about the way your sister treated you so you both came to an agreement not to talk about it unless it was absolutely necessary to persevere your friendship. She was confused about how your seal broke though. Granted that you were only in your early teens when you managed to put the seal in place. But it had withheld all these years regardless of the amount of times you were perused by the fae or saw something parculiar. Especially that time when a fae tried draining your life force at your previous job. Witch was on a foraging expedition to gather rare plants in season when you ended up in the ICU. She had rushed back as soon as she was informed by your work. You were extremely lucky that fae from work didn’t come visit you in the hospital. You might of died if they came in contact with you in such a vulnerable state. You had chalked it up to overwork since the seal was in place which isn’t necessarily wrong. They did often overwork you with little regard for your wellbeing. Maybe your seal had reached it’s limit and was on the brink of collapse anyway.

Having gotten a fairly comprehensive understanding of the situation she starts gathering ingredients and materials to create protection amulets and charms while she listens to get your anger out on this 'infuriating' Fae as you so put it who was so adamant on ruining your sister. She clearly wasn't a fan of your sister and would much rather she left your life (not that she wished death upon her because she didn't....most of the time) but she knew it would devastate you losing more people in your life and she didn't want that. So out of the love she had for you she went about trying to help you the best she could. She listened to you go into great detail about why you hated this Fae. Why you wanted to "smack his stupid smirk of his handsome face" or that you wanted to "push his stupidily muscular body into the lake" or even better yet "gouging out his pretty ocean eyes". She couldn’t help but laugh to herself at the strange situation. You would inadvertently compliment him while thinking about all the ways you'd want to hurt him. She could clearly tell you were physically attracted to him but decided not to comment on it as she went outside to collect some things for the charms while you mulled over how you could further insult him.

She heard you pace around in the living room as you threw further insults at this mysterious Fae while enjoying a muffin. The witch felt a presence approach as she gathered the last of the ingredients she needed. Looking up she sees an ever so handsome Fae (though she'd never admit it to his face, not yet anyways) leaning against the wall and her threshold. She felt the smoke of his cigar engulf her in a warm embrace but she waved her hands dispensing the smoke cloud nonchalantly trying to appear unfazed by his appearance.

"Hello sweetheart", his deep gravelly voice sends shivers down her spine as she puts away her herbs into her basket standing up straighter.

"Price", she greets a little too eagerly, trying to keep the butterflies in her stomach at bay. They stay like this for what feels like hours just consuming each other through their eyes. Price eyes her up and down especially when she bends over to grab some herbs making idle chatter. Sometimes it feels like she dips her shoulders on purpose giving him an eyeful of full luscious breasts. Not that he's complaining but he'll have to teach her a lesson if she's doing that in public. She hears you walk outside through the backdoor still mumbling insults at that Fae you “absolutely” didn't have some sort of crush on.

"You know what's worse is his stupid name, What the hell kind of name is Soap anyway!?", She watches you look up from the muffin in your hand and freeze when you realise there's another 'visitor' in the garden. You lock eyes with Price with an odd look on your face as if you recognise him. It doesn't last long as you both hear Price speak. He just smirks leaning further against the wall pushing against the threshold a little more.

"Seems like a name for a true muppet if you ask me", he lets out a deep chuckle. Not knowing what to say you simply nod and mumble you'll be waiting inside. You glance back at him one more time with your magic swirling around you confused.

"She's all grown up", Price says to himself, moving away from the wall a little bit. "I'll come see you at a better time luv, seems like you have your hands full". The witch glances after Rún confused and goes to ask Price some questions only to realise he's left not before leaving a small bundle of rosy periwinkle on the wall with a small note attached. 'For the tea and biscuits last time'. She smiles at the note and puts the flowers into her basket to take inside still confused at your reaction to Price. She didnt realise you knew him.

You were sitting on the sofa finishing your tea when you saw her walk inside. You both exchanged a knowing look. You could see her flushed expression from a mile away. And She herself had questions she wanted to ask you. You spoke first excitedly.

"Well?", You narrow your eyes at her. "When were you going to inform me about this drastic change in your love life?

"What drastic change? He's juusst aaa …….friend?", She avoids looking at you while she begins preparing ingredients for the wards.

"Are you asking me or telling me? Because I don't believe you for a second!, you were making heart eyes at him", you scoff clutching your heart thankful for the change of topic. "Oh the betrayal!! The betrayal!! You kept this from me? Me? Your best friend? How could you?", You fake sob into your arm.

"You're so dramatic", she says, rolling her eyes focusing on preparing the things she needed. "I was not making heart eyes at him"

"Yes you were, I have eyes, I can see. Never took you for a liar", you pout. "And here I thought we'd live out our lives out together being platonic virgins", you hear your friend chuckle at that.

"Nevermind our stupid promise, that offer was only valid if we both reached 30 and hadn't lost our virginities or found someone we wanted to be with."

"So you admit it! You want to fuck him!",You watch her choke on her spit trying to deny it. "We only had a couple years left you know, we could have been platonic soulmates. But nooo you had to go find a very powerful Fae to take my place. I don't even have enough power to fight him to claim you. It's the beard isn't it? It is isn't it?”, you sigh playfully hand on your head as you lounge on her sofa like a french girl.

"Are you done?", she laughs grabbing a few things off her shelves. When she finally notices a small wrapped box on her shelf she lifts it to show you. She looks at you knowingly.

You avoid her eyes and just look outside refusing to comment on the present sitting in her hand. “How do you know Price?”, she asks changing the subjest. “You seemed to recognise him”.

“Price? Is that his name? Fits him well”, you think outloud. “Never took you as someone who was interesting in the elderly though”, you laugh jokingly trying to hide the pain of revisiting suppressed memories. You try piecing together the few instances you recall of him in your distorted mind. “I met him before i was brought to the orphanage, he looked the same as he did back then”. “You know the story of when i first met my father after my mother had died, he was there at the High courts when they decide what to do with me. He was the only one who spoke up and gave me the means to decide my own future.” You don’t explain further delving deeper into your own thoughts. Your friend notices and snaps you out of it not wanting you to enter a rabbit hole you won’t be able to get out of. She hands you the wards and protection charms to put into your sisters home.

“You dont need to think about that right now”, she holds your hands in hers. “The next few days are going to be extremely tough on your mind, your memories are going to come back in bursts and with your magic also manifesting you might spiral into hysteria. I want you to come stay with me for a little while so I can keep an eye on you and help you through it.”

You open your mouth to protest but she’s not having any of it. She insist you stay with her until your more stable and able to control your magic better. You sigh defeated and let her know you’ll pack your necessities and come back tomorrow after placing the wards in your sisters apartment. She hugs you as you leave and you feel the warmth and safety evaporate the second you step out through the gate. The feeling of dread re-enters your body and you glance around hastily before getting into your car and driving home. Maybe because you’ve become somewhat paranoid it almost felt if a shadow was following you or was in your near vicinity.

After placing the wards and charms in your sisters apartment when checking in on her as she worked from home you make your way back to your bestfriends house with your bag of necessities and clothing. Your sister seemed alot better and it didnt seem like Soap would bother her anytime soon considering she was complaining he wouldn’t respond to her texts from yesterday.

The next couple of days were very difficult. For both you and Witch. Guilt was eating away at you for being such a burden on her regardless of her constant reassurance that you were anything but. You tried your best to keep in touch with your sister as often as you could but with the building migraines and fits of passing out left you little time to worry about anything else. You also tried your best to be useful when you weren’t in pain but your attempts were shut down and you were told to rest. But after some light arguing she relented and allowed you to help with small tasks to keep your mind off things. Alot had happened in a few days and many disturbing memories resurfaced preventing you from leaving the bed. You spent majority of your day crying and trying to regain some sanity. Your daily meditation sessions helped with your racing mind and unstable magic. The witch would guide you through controlling your magic during the meditations even though your magic and hers were completely different.

Thing were slowly looking up but you felt very unsure of yourself and the identity you created when the seal was in place. The mundane life you had was your safe havan, which now felt inaccessible. You didnt know what to think anymore you didnt feel like the person you felt before, it was like you were back in the mindset of your childhood days. Times which you so desperately wanted to forget.

Memories would resurface of you trying to play with the other children at the orphanage. But because of the tricks the fae would play on anyone who got close to you they would get hurt, you were deemed unlucky or cursed. Some of the tricks were harmless enough like things going missing of being misplaced which would often be blamed you. But the pranks escalated as time went on, ending up with people being hit with potted plants that were on window sills or tripping and falling into nettles. One of worst memories that resurfaced so far was when you were waiting on the curb with another orphan girl you had befriended, you two were waiting to cross the street on your way home from school. You watched as other parents and guardians had come to pick up their children. You remember yearning for someone to hold your hand too while asking how your day was. From the coner of your eye you saw a large shadowy dog? Or was it a cat? Approach your friend as you two stood waiting for the lights to turn green. You had tried desperately to shoo it away before it came closer but the girl just saw it as you being mean to the animal and stopped you. You saw it push your friend onto the road when a car was approaching. Logically it would have been impossible for the animal to have pushed her onto the road so when it had happened and the car came to a screeching halt an inch away from the girl. Every adult on the street and cars understandably were screaming at you after making sure the girl was ok. Who was now crying recoving from the shock of almost dying. The orphanage cartakers were called by the teachers at the school gate and you were kept away from the other kids for a really long time as punishment. And for their safety for your so called ‘unpredictable behavior’ even though it wasn’t you who had done it.

The isolation that followed was one of the worst you ever felt. But blaming it on an animal you called a fairy would have deemed you insane or in need of mental counselling so you kept your mouth shut and took the blame. You could never forget the look your friend had given you after the ordeal. You spent months grounded with having to take up more chores to atone for your actions. Rumours spred like wildfire in school, parents and teachers alike warned kids to stay away from you. But after things settled down the guilt of the situation made you go apologise to the girl even though you never pushed her. You kept to yourself after that much to the releif of the other kids. The only place you felt safe was at the house of your current best friend. Her and her family would come donate things to the orphanage and spend time with the children. You laugh to yourself remembering the first time you had met her. She had introduced herself as ‘witch’ and nothing more as you sat on the grass making flower crowns at the edge of the garden. You had told her to stay away and that bad things would happen to her if she came close to you. Which she proceeded to ignore saying she isnt afraid of the fae. You remember looking at her with shock and admiration. For the longest time you were ridiculed for blaming the bad things that happed on ‘fairies’ as everyone else put it. You were now banned from talking about said ‘faries’. You asked if she could see them and she said no but she could sense them and her family said they were real so it had to be true ‘because grandma doesn’t lie’ . You asked why she wasn’t afraid and she said her family and her home is protected. And that you should come visit her grandmothers cottage since its only down the street. You watched her leave with her grandmother through the gate. They placed a charm on the gate before they left and you waved them goodbye.

You honestly owe your life to your her considering all she had done for you. You wouldn’t have made it so far in life without her. Hence the reason why you sat in her sofa ridden with guilt for causing disturbance to her life. Though she adamantly denies it. You watch her mull around her work space opening and closing drawers and jars making a list of things to stock up on.

“At least let me help”, you plead

“Absolutely not, you just had a mental breakdown”, she points her pencil at you before going back to what she was doing. “Sit pretty and enjoy your tea before it gets cold”

“Please i feel like a freeloader, a leach, a parasite”, you pout at her hoping to change her mind

“You are anything but, you may not realise or value the things you do for others but I do so just sit and enjoy your tea and let me take care of you”, she smiles at you finishing up her list.

“Can i make dinner at least?”

“No we’ll order takeout once i come home from shopping, i would take you with me but your magic is unstable right now so its best if you rest while i run some errands”, she walks over to you and places her hand against your cheek lovingly. “You are and never will be a burden on me, ok?”

You look into her eyes and nod as you get up to follow her to the door as she gathers her essentials. Before she leaves you call out to her one last time.

“Give me something small to keep myself occupied while your gone then....please”, you plead

She catches the desperation in your eyes, this whole ordeal was taking its tole on you she could see in your sunken eyes and the dark circles you now have due to the lack of sleep and constant nighmares. She thinks for a bit before she speaks.

“The flowers around the house are getting old, why not make some new flower arrangements to put in the vases?”

You smile at her suggestion and nod as you wave her goodbye and lock the front door.

You go about gathering all wilted flowers around the house and taking the vases to wash in the sink. Once everything was cleaned and dried you pick a basket and sheers to go into the garden to gather new flowers to arrange into bouquets. It felt a little odd being in the cottage all by yourself but the warmth and safety never left. You look open the back door taking in the good weather.

The fresh air felt nice on your skin. Paired with the bright sun shining on you, a calming sensation engulfed your senses. You let a shaky breath out trying to dispel all your worries even if it was only momentarily. You take a look around the garden contemplating on what flowers to choose. The red rose bush near the back gate stood out to you. They were in full bloom and had a lovely smell emanating from them. Making your way towards the bush you were careful not to touch the thorns as you cut the roses and put them into the basket.

The felt a familiar presence approach without having to look you knew who it was. The wards hummed in recognition as he leaned againt the wall, pushing at the threshold. You didn’t feel any form of hostility or danger from him surprisingly.

“She’s not here, but im sure you knew that already”, you say straighting your back and making eye contact with Price.

“Oh? And how would i have known that? “, he chuckles

“Your claim is on her, i only realised when i had seen you that day. There was a scent on her and her things that i overlooked”, you pout slightly still upset at losing your platonic soulmate, yeah definitely platonic....

You shake your head trying to dispel your thoughts.

“You upset i stole her from you?”, he smiles mischievously.

“I wouldn’t call it stealing per say. She’s still in my life and i dont plan on that changing. Her hapiness and wellbeing is my top priority, if you so happen to bring her hapiness who am i to object. Im happy as long as she’s happy”

“ ‘s that so?”

“Im asuming your here for some other reason than to annoy me?” you finish gather the roses as you move towards the peonys at the far end of the the right wall. Price casually walks as you do continuing the conversation.

“Heard one my boys was causing you some trouble. That muppet Soap has a ferocious appetite. I’ll warn you he hasn’t had a good meal in a while. Might be best to let your sister go and mourn already. I need my boys well fed to run my errands”, he says sympathetically.

Your pain takes a spike as you hear him mention Soap and your sister. You chest felt heavy when you look into Price’s eyes. He might of meant it sympathetically but in your mind it came across as condescending almost as a warning to back off. You felt hurt at his words considering he had helped you when you were little.

You scoff fighting the tears in your eyes and busy yourself gathering the peony.

“You fae are all the same, selfish and unempathetic”, you didnt want to enage in the conversation further conviced he’d say somthing to further upset you so you turn to leave. The pain was spreading from your chest as if you were being injected by liquid fire. It was coursing through your veins and burning every nerve ending. You felt your magic whiplash around you trying to keep danger away even if it was only emotionally.

“Don’t forget you have the same blood flowing through you. You are one of us. He may be doing you a favour by removing your sister from your life”

You snap your head toward him, anger bubbling up from deep within. You feel the pressure push at the walls of your mind. “When have i ever been seen as one of your kind!? This blood has brought me nothing but torment!!”, you laugh with no mirth in your voice. “Doing me a favour!? Doing me a favour? By what? Taking away my only family? By taking away the only person who needs me? My sister is the reason I am alive right now, I continue living for her sake. If she’s gone I have no purpose”, you give him your worst glare. You eyes begin to hurt and you feel a migrain coming on but you refuse to blink. You want to drive home the point you aren’t afraid of him or any fae especially when it came down to family. The magic within you becomes scorching hot, expanding and creating pressure that you felt in your eyes. The longer you stared the more the pain grew. It was as if you were pulling an elastic band to its limits waiting for it to snap or for you to let go. Either way you knew the sting was coming.

Price didnt say anything and returned your stare unnerved. He could see the pain not only in your heart but in your mind. He could feel the pain through the magic in the air, your magic had taken on a murky colour a mixture of red and green. You were actively fighting the seal on your eyes trying to prove a point but you were just hurting yourself. Your eyes were growing teary and he knew you were about to break. What he didnt expext was for your magic to combust around you when it happened. Like a match being thrown into a pool of gasoline the flames engulfed you.

You collapsed onto the grass desperately trying to contain your magic and tears. You felt like a failure, a burden trying to grasp at straws to keep people in your life. Now look at what you’ve done! How were you to explain how the garden burnt down. You sob into your hands trying to calm down. You wished the flames would just consume you. You were tired, so tired. If there was no hope in saving your sister why bother living. You thought of your will as you felt the flames touch your skin and burn you. At least you could repay them back in some sense for having had to waste their time on you all these years. Just as quickly as you embrace the flames you felt them extinguish. A cold sensation ran all over you soothing your superficial burns before you realised you were wet. You open your eyes and see Price inside the threshold but quite a distance away as if he couldn’t get to you in time.. You look at him confused. An empty watering can lay next to you. It must have been the protection wards that had put you out. You knew your friend would have felt that and was probably on her way home.

You look around disoriented, nothing had been burnt expect you. You decided to just stay quiet. You didn’t know how you could possibly go about explaining what had just happened to your friend when she got back without incriminating yourself and your attempt to end everything. You watch Price crouch down to your level bringing his hand towards you. You flinch and move back.

“Im just trying to see how badly your injured, i won’t hurt you”, he sighs a sad look crossing his eyes.

“Maybe not phyically but you have a way with words”, you bite back.

“We’re often blind to volatile people in our lives. Im sure i’m not the first or only person to warn you about her”, you stay quiet because you yourself know what your sister is like an how she treats you but for some reason you feel bound to help and take care of her to the point of exhaustion. You feel indepted to her for showing you kindness when no one else would especially after you sealed your memories away. Spending time in a house where no one acknowledged you was heart wrenching, she was your salvation when you couldn't find purpose in life. You couldn’t abandon her now. You were bound by duty of repayment.

You sniffle as you roughly wipe your face wincing when you came in contact with the burn. You had few people in your life who cared about you. You desperately needed to be of use to them. It was the only way in your mind they tolerated your presence. Why else would anyone need you or want you? You wouldn’t have been abandoned or mistreated if you were useful. The current situation had you feeling on thin ice as if you’d become a nuisance to the very person you love. Regardless of the amount of times she has reassured you, your mind refuses to believe it.

‘She’s just being nice’ ‘She just a kind hearted person to everyone your not special to her’ ‘You need to get better and leave before she she gets tired of you’, you mind would constantly berate you for wanting your needed anything from others. You needed to be 100% independent in order not to inconvenience anyone. And right now you were anything but. You were glad you didn’t burn down her garden though, one less thing to add to the growing list of situations to feel guilty for. The pain in your chest didn’t dissipate it only got worse as you sat there on the grass, as Price looked around for something to dry you with. In your desperation to lesson the pain you claw at your chest feeling around to rip out the source of your troubles. But how was one supposed to rip out emotions? You kept feeling around trying to find somthing tangible to pull out but you couldn’t. You were just left with a guilty conscience and a river of awful memories. Price tried to approach you a couple more times but you refused to let him near.

You didn’t know how much time had passed but the summer sun had dried you by the time you heard the front door open hastily and you watch your friend try to locate you. Your skin was still stinging from the burns as Price stood by leaning against the wall with his arms crossed with an unreadable expression on his face. She came into the back garden with a frantic look on her face. You watch her run to you and collapse onto the grass holding you to her chest. You wince from the burns and she pulls back holding your face in her hands, inspecting to see the extent of the damage. All you could do was apologise as tears streamed down your face. Begging for forgiveness saying you didn’t mean for it to happen. She just held you as you let everthing out.

Copyright © by ethereal-night-fairy. 2023. All Rights Reserved. Writing not permitted for reposting, transcription, translation or use with AI technologies.

[theywhowriteandknowthings]

The Princess and the Duke: Chapter 3 Eye of The Storm

This blog is a 18+ space, Minors, do not engage. If you are under the age of 18 you are not welcome here. Please heed these warnings and the warnings put in place on each individual fic and chapter. Your reading and consumption of my work is your responsibility but I will endeavour to mitigate any discomfort for you, the reader, as possible. Once again, this is a 18+ space and minors should not interact.  Specific Warnings: SA mention/implied, Dave gets violent with the SA'er, alcohol, past SA, trauma, women having to take precautions because of men's shitty behaviour, drinking, male masturbation, sex work, cam work, let me know if I missed anything.

Graphics made by me Please consider checking out my ko-fi or patreon if you want to support me!

Word count: 4.2k~

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The next few weeks pass without incident, your mom seems to take a break from her current fling. That, or she’s getting better at hiding it.

But you’ve decided it’s none of your business anyway. You’ve set up your room to block the light better, re-arranged a few bits of furniture, and ditched the sad beige sheets for black and purple satin ones.

You’re almost certain Dave caught you looking at him the other day when he was swimming. Fucking yourself to the thought of him in the shower became a regular occurrence after that. You hated yourself a little for it, but at the end of the day, light masturbation over a fantasy couldn’t hurt anyone, right?

You shake it off as you prep for your stream, your new cream and gold masquerade mask in position as you sit in a gold silk robe and black lace panties. You log in to your Cam Dolls account and start up the test footage lobby.

You nod to yourself as you flop down onto the bed, testing out the angles as you lay on the bed with a sweet smile on your face. You practice a few poses, making sure your face is nice and concealed with the new mask before resettling into your office chair.

You check your inbox, grateful for the automatic filtering of images the site provides. You have the option to click through to view any image that comes in, but the default blur protects you from what you can only estimate have been thousands of dick pics men have sent over the years.

DukeSilver09 sent you a photo.

The notification shows up mere seconds before you’re due to start streaming, but on some strange whim you open it, almost hoping to see what your most generous patron is packing. He’d recently removed the anonymous flag from his username and when you had looked back through the transaction logs, you’d almost fallen off your chair at the lifetime tip total.

You click the image and there’s a strange warmth in your chest as you see the beautifully captured photograph of a single flower in a vase. A lily. Pink hues bleeding through the centre of the white petals, orange anthers almost luminous in the evening light.

You look up to see you’re already overdue to start. You yelp softly to yourself as you hit the space bar, starting the stream.

~*~

Dave hopes Luna likes lilies, he’d seen the bouquet at a local florist, purchasing it on a whim as he thought about how much your mom might like it. He was really trying, especially since she’d clearly taken a break from Bryce.

But your mom was in one of her usual moods, punishing Dave for her mistakes, for the fact she wouldn’t be able to see Bryce for some time. So, the flowers had gone unnoticed, or actively ignored, so naturally, his thoughts drifted back to Luna.

Because if they didn’t drift to her, it would be you he’d be thinking of, and he can’t let those thoughts take root. He had taken a photo of the single stem, choosing the prettiest of them all, and snapped away for over an hour until he got the perfect shot.

 As long as the job goes well tomorrow, he’ll be home by dinnertime. He wonders absently if you’ll be home, you’d been texting frequently throughout the business trip, and he justifies it by telling himself he’s just trying to be a good stepdad.

“Hey there Daddy, you miss me?”

Dave’s mind goes blank as he discards all thoughts about his life at home as he reclines on his bed in his hotel room in Tbilisi. Luna has recently started calling her viewers Daddy and it nearly gave Dave an aneurism the first time he heard it. She’s dressed in Dave’s favourite set, the black lacey thong and matching bra with peekaboo slits. Her nipples are already stiff and inviting.

“You bet I did baby.”

Dave hums under his breath as he pulls his dick out of his sweatpants, it’s too hot and he wishes he were nude, but after the incident in Borneo he vowed to never sleep commando on a mission again.

“I’m missing you so much,” She says with a soft coo as she pouts at the camera, “Haven’t gotten laid in weeks, and these toys just don’t cut it. Might put on a slutty red dress and try my luck this weekend.”

Dave watches in reverence as Luna goes through her new routine, with a generous sprinkling of Daddy added in for effect. He comes hard over his fingers and abs, breathing heavily as he hears Princess Luna come undone as well. A name falls from his lips without thinking, your name, but it’s not until he’s coming down from his high the realisation hits him.

He’s thinking less and less about Princess Luna when he watches her, and more and more about you.

~*~

It’s been a week since Dave got home, and he’s been giving you the cold shoulder. Your mother keeps nagging you about getting a job, or maybe even re-applying for the bar. She assures you lawyers get better pay in Texas due to the cost of living being so much lower than somewhere like New York.

But you’re just not interested.

A notification comes up on your phone as you’re sprawled out on your bed, covered in just a hoodie and yoga pants.

Dave: Have you seen my USMC hoodie?

You look down at the olive-green article of clothing swamping your upper half as you smile. The USMC logo faded and worn, but still very visible as it stretches across your breasts, and you chuckle to yourself. It still smells like him, even though you stole it weeks ago, before his business trip to the Middle East. You should feel guilty, you should wash it and put it back where you found it, but you don’t want to.

 You: Not seen it, sorry old man.

Dave: Dammit woman, relent with the “Old Man” shit.

You smile to yourself as you know he’s been watching Parks and Rec, the tongue-in-cheek use of “Dammit woman” something he’s picked up from Ron Swanson.

You: Never, also, I have a bone to pick with you.

Dave: Oh?

You: The Last of Us is fucking sad, I gave you a light-hearted, whimsical series about friendship and joy. I just cried my fucking heart out over Bill and Frank.

Dave: You started watching it without me?

You scoff, as if he has any right to be annoyed at you after the cold shoulder, he’s been giving you.

You: Not my fault you’ve been avoiding me.

You hit send and instantly regret it. Fear pools in your stomach as you consider un-sending it before he can read it. But you’re out of luck, the double blue tick under the message tells you there’s no going back. He types for a few seconds, the ripple of three dots flashing once, then stopping, then flashing again until he stops typing completely.

“Shit.”

You grumble to yourself before throwing your phone to the foot of the bed. You lie back, exhaling through your nose as you try to devise the best way to walk this back. Your text tone pings, and you scramble to the edge of the bed to read it.

Ashleigh: You still on for tonight babe?

You groan at the prospect of going out, but maybe it’s what you need, to get away from Dave. To clear your head. Maybe you’ll even bring someone home.

~*~

Dave doesn’t see you, nor hear from you for the rest of the day. He checks his emails, watches some more of Parks and Rec, then works out. He pushes himself to overexertion, trying to burn the feelings away through sore muscles and the inevitable endorphin rush.

He heads up the stairs, fresh out of the shower, in just a pair of grey sweatpants and a white short-sleeve Henley. Water droplets bead in his hair as he lets it air dry. He grabs a beer from the fridge and sits at the breakfast island to scroll through the news on his phone. International news was surprisingly quiet on his recent job, which both relieved him and made him a little bitter at the lack of infamous, anonymous, acclaim he so often basked in after a job.

“Hey mom, I’m heading out, Ashleigh’s here!”

His head snaps up at the sound of your voice and he curses the way his body reacts to it. Dave takes a steadying breath as he hears you coming down the stairs, your steps are slower, more purposeful than your normal hurried stomping. Dave hates that he can tell something is up just from hearing your footsteps. He convinces himself it’s because of his line of work, but he knows it’s not that.

“Oh, hey Dave, found your hoodie.”

Your voice sends shivers down his spine as he looks up from his phone. His nostrils flare and his mouth is suddenly drier than the Sahara. The red dress is impossibly tight, showing off every dip, curve, and swell of your body. A small silver clutch in one hand and a very familiar looking green hoodie in the other. Your heels are so tall he can barely understand how you are able walk in them, which explains the change in your gait.

“Hey, thanks.”

He nods curtly before taking a swig of his beer, his eyes flicking straight back to the news on his phone. He has to look away, he’s already at half-mast and the guilt that gnaws at his stomach is already too much to bear.

“Jesus Dave, lighten up, it’s Friday night.”

You sigh before throwing the hoodie over the stool opposite him. You both turn to look towards the front door as Ashleigh blares her horn.

“Have a good night,” Dave murmurs your name as he rakes his eyes over you once more, he sees the way you look at him, devouring his domesticity as he consumes your purposeful display of raw sexuality in turn. He doesn’t understand you and that pisses him off. It’s his job to read people, to know them, and yet here you are, making him feel more nervous than he has done in decades.

“Sure, you too, Duke.”

Dave’s blood runs cold as he chokes on his beer. You give him a confused look as Ashleigh blares her horn again.

“Duke, like Duke Silver from Parks and Rec? Fuck, I’ll remember not to crack wise at you again.”

Before Dave can answer you’re gone, slamming the front door, which in turn makes your mother yell after you. He groans as he drops his head into his hands. His dick aches as he adjusts himself in his sweats before finishing his beer. He heads to the fridge, grabs the rest of the six pack before scooping up his hoodie.

He almost comes in his pants as he pulls it over his head. All he can smell is you. That coconut body wash you get imported from the UK, your caffeine shampoo that smells like black pepper and pine, and something he’s never had the pleasure of experiencing before. Your natural scent, like nothing he has ever known. Sweet, but musky. Soft, but tinged with perspiration. It’s intoxicating and cloying, he feels like he’s being smothered to death but making no attempt to stop it.

“I’m going to hell for this.”

~*~

You don’t know where it all went wrong.

You’re sat on the wet, filthy tiles of Tristan – the guy you went home with because you thought might have been a good lay – and his housemates’ bathroom. Mascara tracks down your cheeks and you think your nose is broken, blood drips onto the floor between your legs as you sob into the palm clamped over your mouth.

“Open the fucking door.”

Tristan’s nasally voice barks as he slams his body against the flimsy barrier between you. Your dress is torn, you don’t know where one of your shoes is, and you’re fumbling with your phone to try and get hold of Ashleigh. But every time it goes to voicemail. You grind your teeth together in frustration as you swallow your pride and call Dave.

It rings twice before he declines the call. Your heart clenches tightly in your chest as more tears spring forth. You try again, and again, and on the fourth attempt he finally picks up.

“What?”

He barks down the phone, and you let out another hiccupping sob at his tone. You pull your phone away from your face ready to hang up but as your finger trembles over the red “End Call” button you hear his voice again.

“Hey? Hey, what’s going on?”

His voice immediately softening as he hears your distress.

“Dave I-,” You sob again, “I need you to come get me.”

“Where are you?”

You reel off the address, inwardly praising yourself for making sure to jot it down on your notes app when you decided to go home with this asshole. Unfortunately, it isn’t the first time you’ve had to get someone to help after a one-night stand has gone wrong. You thought you’d learned from your mistakes, but if that were the case you wouldn’t be here right now.

“Maps says it’ll take me fifteen minutes, think you can hold on for that long sweetheart?”

“I think so.”

“Want me to stay on the line?”

“I don’t have much battery left, but yes, please.”

“So, want to talk about what happened?”

“Sure,” You take a steadying breath, grateful for the distraction, “Was having a great night, Ashleigh found someone to go home with, nice looking girl too.”

“Oh yeah? And what about you?” You hear the Mustang roar to life in the background as a car door slams.

“My guy was nice looking, not so nice when it came to fully informed, enthusiastic consent.” You laugh bitterly as your toes curl in discomfort. There’s silence on the other end for a few seconds and you have to check your phone hadn’t died.

“This fucker hurt you?”

Dave’s tone is impossibly dark, menacing even as you try not to think about how much that turns you on.

“No, but I think I broke my nose when I headbutted him.”

Dave laughs at that; a soft exhale and you feel like he approves of your ill-gotten injury.

“You make the fucker squeal?”

“Something like that,” You laugh, finding Dave’s voice soothing as you hear the engine snarling in the background as Dave races through the streets of Austin, “I’m sorry Dave, sorry about being such an ass.”  

“Enough of that, I’m not far now, hang on baby, I’ve got you.”

Baby.

The pet name shouldn’t get you so hot and bothered, but it does, despite sitting in some shit-head’s bathroom, his blood and your own smeared on your lips and your eyes raw from crying. Despite everything, you’d give anything to hear him call you that again.

“Dave it’s been like ten minutes at most, how?”

“Ran a few red lights, might be speeding a little, doesn’t matter.”

“Dave, don’t do anything stupid for me.”

“I’d do anything to keep you safe,” Your name spills from his lips and you finally let go. Tears stream down your cheeks as you finally admit to yourself that you like Dave way more than you should. All you want is to be wrapped up in his arms as he just holds you.

“Ok I’m out-.” The line goes dead, and you look down to see a blank screen.

~*~

Dave sprints up the stairs, pistol tucked into the back of his sweatpants as his breath comes in short, aggressive bursts. Logically he knows it’s just that your phone died, but the moment the line went dead something inside him snapped.

He composes himself as he reaches the apartment door. He can hear multiple male voices on the other side and his jaw ticks to the side as he tries to control his rage. He knocks gently and waits for the door to swing open. A broad, blonde-haired, blue-eyed asshole appears as the smell of cheap cigarettes and booze rolls over the threshold. Dave smirks at the state of the larger man’s face, his right eye is swollen, and his nose plugged with tissue.

“Hey there, which one of you fine gentlemen is Tristan?”

“Who the fuck are you?”

“That doesn’t matter, all that matters is you’re going to let me in, show me where your bathroom is, and I’m going to take the woman hiding in there home, understood?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, get lost.”

Tristan tries to slam the door in Dave’s face, but he anticipated this. He slams his palm against the flimsy door before shoving with all his might. Tristan is caught off guard and stumbles back into the apartment.

“I’m so glad you decided to be a prick.”

Dave’s smile doesn’t leave his face as Tristan comes at him swinging but unlike Tristan, Dave is sober. He ducks under the blow with ease, he jabs Tristan twice in the side, precise strikes to the kidney and liver. Tristan makes a sound like a wounded animal as he thrashes around.

Dave dances around the lumbering oaf – toying with his prey – loving the thrill of dominating such a bigger man with just good footwork and keen reflexes. It makes his blood sing in his veins; his smile is so wide it burns his cheeks with exertion. He could do this for hours.

He lets Tristan flail for a bit longer, but the joy quickly fades as Dave remembers why he’s here. He cracks a swift uppercut to the asshole’s jaw to finish him off. Tristan crumples like a sack of shit and Dave flexes his hand, working out the pain from the impact.

The other two spring up off the couch and before they can cross the distance Dave has his gun pointed at Tristan’s head.

“Either of you touch the girl?”

Dave barks as he cocks the hammer back in a warning. Both men shake their heads, holding their palms up in surrender as Dave nods slowly.

“Good, now I’m going to get the girl and take her home. I’m a federal agent, so if you two shit heads or this one,” Dave gestures with his gun at the unconscious lump on the floor, “Come after her, or try and report this to law enforcement, I will come back, and I won’t be as merciful.”

Dave stalks through the apartment, calling out your name and the moment he hears your voice it’s as if nothing else matters. He makes a beeline for the only closed door in the apartment and knocks gently. The door opens and his heart seems like it stops as he takes you in.

Your dress is ripped, there’s so much blood on your bare skin, your eyes are puffy, and your make-up is smeared all over your face.

“Let’s get you home.”

Dave scoops you up into his arms and he carries you out of the shitty apartment, you don’t miss the way his lips brush against the crown of your head as you bury your face into his chest.

~*~

Your mom is asleep – or more accurately, passed out – by the time you and Dave return home. Dave tries to take you upstairs, to your room, but you protest meekly.

“No,” You breathe as you fist your hands in Dave’s blood-stained hoodie, “Don’t want to be alone, can we go downstairs?”

“Whatever you need.” Dave responds, his voice barely more than a whisper as he lowers you down. You test your balance and the moment you can stand you pull away from Dave. You’re embarrassed, you’re almost thirty years old and you’ve just relived one of many horrific moments in your life that you swore you would never let happen again.

Worst of all, you got Dave mixed up in it.

“I’m just going to lock up, head on down, I’ll be with you in a minute.”

There’s a brief pause where your eyes meet, and you know he didn’t mean it that way but the look on his face tells you he realises how it sounded. He coughs awkwardly and turns towards the kitchen. Your eyes widen as you see the gun tucked into his sweatpants, the hem of his hoodie caught up around the handle, exposing the piece to you with mother of pearl grips glinting as he walks.

You stumble downstairs into the basement and make your way into Dave’s room. His PC is on, but you don’t notice the Cam Dolls website open as you stumble into the ensuite, if you were in any other state of mind, you probably would have.

You strip off, your damaged dress practically coming undone at the seams. You spend what feels like hours under the hot water, lathering Dave’s shower gel over your body. You wrap yourself in his scent and wash it off. Only to repeat the process again and again as you try and wash the touch of your assailant from your skin. Eventually you give up, the intrusive thoughts muted as much as you can hope for as you wrap yourself up in one of the fluffy grey towels on the shelf.

You step out into his bedroom to see a grey US Navy t-shirt, a pair of black sweatpants and your baby blue moccasin-style slippers in a neat pile on the end of Dave’s bed. The bedroom door is closed, and you quickly slip into the clothes left for you. The PC monitor is now off, but you’re not paying much attention to your surroundings anyway.

You head into the basement to see Dave sat on the edge of the sofa, elbows on his knees and hands clasped together as his strong chin rests atop them. He’s lost deep in thought as you approach. You seem to startle him as you sit down next to him. He turns to look at you with a vacant stare.

You can’t help but drink him in, his plush lips part softly, his dark eyes swimming with emotion as he looks you over. You want to straddle his hips, kiss him, and lose yourself in him, just like with his body wash. You want him to make you forget, you want him to comfort you.

But most of all, you just want him.

“Hey.” You say softly as you search his dark eyes for any indication of what he’s thinking.

“Hey.”

“I think I just popped my nose, doesn’t seem broken.” You say as you scrunch up your face and wiggle your nose, only wincing slightly at the stab of pain the action brings.

“Good.” Is all Dave can muster as he feels his heart break at the sight of you. You’re forlorn, lost, vulnerable. He laments that your usual sass and barbed tongue are ostensibly muted.

He feels responsible somehow, maybe if he’d not been so wrapped up in his own internal struggle, he would have gotten you to stay in, watch tv together. Do anything else but let you go out and let someone hurt you.

“Dave?”

His head snaps up as he realises that he’s been spiralling.

“What? What can I do?”

“I don’t want to be weird,” You take a deep breath as you try and muster the courage to ask for what you need, but you fumble, “But could we put something on the TV?”

“Of course.” Dave answers almost without thinking but he can’t understand your hesitancy.

“Cool, cool,” You nod quickly before you just let go and ask for what you want, “Shit, no, that’s not what I wanted to ask. Can you- can you hold me?”

Dave’s brain almost short circuits as he replays the words over in his mind like a broken record. He opens his mouth and closes it a few times before you chicken out. You feel the sting of rejection constrict tightly in your chest and you feel the tears burning in your eyes as you realise how fucked up you must sound.

“Sorry, forget it, I’m just drunk,” You lie, “I think I should just head to bed.”

You move to get up but the press of Dave’s broad hand on your thigh stops you in your tracks. You look up to see longing in Dave’s eyes as he gives you a soft, vulnerable smile.

“Come here.”

Dave removes his hand from your leg as he leans back, spreading his arms wide, an invitation.

You take a shaky breath, and do as you’re told. You scoot closer to him, pulling your feet underneath you as you lean into his chest. You let out a soft hum as his one arm moves from around the back of the sofa to curl around you. His other hand falls to your knee, squeezing gently as you press into him. He removes his hand from your knee for a brief moment to start the next episode of Parks and Rec.

You both know it’s wrong, that this is crossing a line and coming back from this would be difficult, if not impossible. But neither of you can bring yourselves to stop, not now, and maybe not ever.

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[jawritter]

Something About Fate

Chapter 5

Summary:  Y/N has been homeless and living on the streets of Dallas, Texas since the start of Covid. Until one day, a handsome, green eyes strange notices her and turns her whole world upside down.

Warning: Change, even good change, can be scary, and even a little hard…

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader (eventually).

Word Count: 2k

A/N: This series is completely unbeta’d, so all mistakes are mine! This series will contain mature content eventually, and therefore is unsuitable for persons under 18 years of age! Anyone under the age of 18 will be blocked for my blog! Thanks so much for reading! I hope you all enjoy this series!

Main Masterlist                  Series Masterlist

Y/N looked out of the window of the expensive looking Van that had picked Jensen and herself up from the airport as soon as they landed in LA with somewhat of a shocked awe at all the sights that slowly passed her by in the crawling, busy streets. 

Sure, Dallas had some pretty impressive buildings, but the people here were just—different. For one, there were so many of them. Which might be attributed to the fact that it was a great deal warmer here than it had been in Dallas, but Y/N doubted that. It was still very early in the day, and they were out in droves. She doubted that as the day drew on, or when night started to fall, things would get any quieter. 

Everything was so much brighter here too. Even the signs and the billboards that flashed on the side of buildings were brighter. It made the little big town of Dallas she’d come from seem so cold and outdated. 

Then it hit her. This was Jensen’s life and had been since he was a young boy. It was sooo different than the one she’d led, even if she hadn’t ended up living on the streets. Which made her wonder even more why the hell the man was doing what he was doing? Why he cared about just another blurry face on the street in the middle of what these people would probably consider nowhere and pulled her out of the life she was in with the intent to sit her back on her feet. It just made sense. 

“The place we’re staying at isn’t in town,” Jensen voiced suddenly from beside her. “And I will have a rental car waiting for us so that we can get around when and where we need to without too much assistance. I prefer the seclusion and privacy over all this noise. It won't take us long to get there after we get out of all this traffic.” 

She nodded as her eyes drifted back to the window just in time for Y/N to turn to face the window once again and see Jensen’s face just outside of her car window, plastered alongside his castmates for the series he’d recently done, The Boys.

That’s when it really, really struck her, the gravity of the difference in worlds the pair of them were from, and it set heavily, like a rock in the center of her gut. She wasn’t even sure she was breathing as she stared dumbly at his face on the billboard. 

There was a flood of emotions that settled over her like a wet blanket, fear being the primary one. In fact, when someone was to really think about it, there was a lot to fear here. Sure, they’d spent a few days in Dallas together, and sure, Jensen had promised her a lot in the time they’d spent together, and he’d already made good on a lot of those promises. He even gave her a key to his fucking car and his house! 

But his life was a very public one. He’d once been married, he’d had a family, he’d had a life she’d never even begin to understand. He had a thousand girls throwing themselves at him online constantly, and the selection of that pool had to be better than anything that he saw in her. There was the fear that he’d come to that conclusion and kick her out, just as fast as this had started, it had the potential to end. 

Then there was the fear of screwing up. There were a lot of eyes watching her now, because she was working for him. Surely the public would notice her eventually, and when they did, they were going to rip her apart about everything she did, right or wrong. That was utterly terrifying to even think about. 

“Hey,” Jensen said, grabbing her hand in his own, and pulling her attention back towards him. She was so lost in her worry, she’d barely realized that they’d made it out of the city, and there was a blur of greenery flying by their window. “You haven’t said a word since we left the airport. Are you feeling, okay?”

“I’m okay,” she assured him, she could see it on his face, he was worrying over her again, and that wasn’t the first time she’d noticed him doing it either. It made her feel horrible every time she saw him doing it, guilty for making him worry about her, when honestly, she should be on cloud nine right now! She was living every girl’s dream! “A little tired I guess I didn’t really sleep a whole lot on the flight here.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry I booked us so early. Next flight we take will not be before the asscrack of dawn I promise,” he said, but didn’t let go of her hand as his pale green orbs searched her face, trying to read her. He did that a lot too.

“I’ll get used to it,” she attempted to downplay things a little to settle his nerves. “I’ve never really traveled anywhere myself outside of Dallas, I used to book things for other people, but never did it myself. There’s a big difference between booking a trip and actually traveling, I guess.”

“I moved here when I was just a teenager, literally right after high school, so I get it. Everything looks so out there and feels foreign, but after a few years of coming back and forth from different towns to different towns, it’s not as jarring anymore. This summer we’re gonna be spending some time in Vancouver. Honestly, out of all the places I’ve been, that one feels most like home to me. I spent a long time there.”

“I don’t have a passport,” she reminded him, but he just shrugged it off. 

“That’s fixable, as soon as we get back to Austin, I’ll make sure all of that’s taken care of. I'm more concerned about the fact that I’ve thrown a lot of life changes your way in a short amount of time and I want to make sure you’re okay with it.”

Y/N sighed a little in spite of herself. It was a lot. It was fast. Still, what was the alternative? Freezing to death on a sidewalk in Dallas? Nope, this was better, even if she did have whiplash and a lot of shit at stake. 

“It’s a lot”, she admitted, “I’d be lying if I said that it wasn’t, but I’ll rebound, I promise—”

“Hey,” Jensen said, squeezing her hand and halting her to keep her from talking so fast that she was about to hyperventilate, which made her face burn hot with embarrassment. “It’s okay to be a little turned around and freaked out. I kinda ripped you away from everything you’ve ever known in less than 72 hours. Anyone would be a little off kilter after that for a while. I’m not mad about it, nor am I gonna be, but if you need to take five, or if it gets too much, you have to be honest with me… okay? I can’t don’t know how you’re feeling unless you tell me.”

Y/N swallowed the hug knot she had in her throat and nodded, just in time for the car to come to a stop in front of a private little house, far enough outside of town to be unbothered by prying eyes, but close enough to get a Door Dash delivery and an Uber if you need it.

Robotically, eyes still glued to the pristine white exterior with dark green shutters and a cute little front porch with a slightly weather porch swing and rose bushes lining the stone trail that led to the tiny red front door that created a very inviting, homie vibe, Y/N realized something. It had been three years since she’d stepped foot inside of a house, much less stayed in one. 

Pressure immediately started to build behind her eyes, and a hundred-pound weight set itself on her chest as her eyes shifted over every little perfect imperfection of the little cottage. This was heavy. She thought she’d never see something like this again, only in her dreams. 

Maybe it was a good thing that Jensen was taking her here first, because she was sure his home was massive in comparison to this one, and if this one was hitting her in the feels like this… she could only imagine what it was going to be like when she pulled up to her new ‘home’. 

“You coming, sweetheart?” Jensen questioned, his voice jarring her, and causing her to look in his direction. He was standing in the middle of the little path that led to the house, bags in his hands, her little bag of belongings on his shoulder, and a deeply concerned look on his face. 

“Yeah, sorry,” Y/N attempted to shake it off. But she could tell for all of her bravo acting, Jensen wasn’t convinced. Guess you can’t bullshit a bullshitter. That’s what actors did right? Bullshit you into believing they’re feeling what they’re feeling while they were in front of a camera to make it real? Right?

She knew she had some deep seeded trust issues, but apparently, she had more than she thought she had, ‘cause now she was wondering as she forced her feet to move, and began to follow him up the little trail of stone to the porch, whether she’d ever really be able to trust anyone again after all she’d been through, especially someone as good at acting as this man obviously was...

Forever:

@bubsonnobx​​​​

@britnwinchester​​​​​​​​​​​

@samanddeaninatrenchcoat​​​​​​​​​​

@wittysunflower

@demongirl1996​​​​​​​​​​​  

@as-lost-as-sams-shoe​​​​​​​​​​​

@jensenslady79​​​​​​​​​​​

@spnwoman​​​​​​​​​​​

@stoneyggirl2​​​​​​​​​​​

@unabashed-lover-of-fictional-men​​​​​​​​​​​

@stixnstripesworld​​​​​​​​​​​

@fullwattpadmusictree​​​​​​​​​​​

@nancymcl​​​​​​​​​​​

@christycreature​​​​​​​​​​​

@whiskey-infused-dreams​​​​​​​​​​​

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@rvgrsbrns​​​​​​​​​​​

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@i-love-superhero-movies​​​​​​​​​​​

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@lemondropirwin​​​​​​​​​​​

@squirrelnotsam​​​​​​​​​​​

@hobby27​​​​​​​​​​​

@spnbaby-67​​​​​​​​​​​  

@mrsjenniferwinchester​​​​​​​​​​​

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@vicmc624​​​​​​​​​​​

@busy-bee-angel-misska​​​​​​​​​​​

@justanotherwinchester​​​​​​​​​​

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@lyarr24​​​​​​​​​​​

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@dean-winchesters-gardian-angel​​​​​​​​​​​

@flamencodiva​​​​​​​​​​​

@itmejado

@thoughts-and-funnies​​​​​​​​​​​

@teresa-67​​​​​​​​​​​

@hearteyes-j2​​​​​​​​​​​

@peaches007​​​​​​​​​​​

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@vulgar-library​​​​​​​​​​​

@writercole​​​​​​​​​​​

@fairlyspnfanfic​​​​​​​​​​​

@sexyvixen7​​​​​​​​​​​

@spngi​​​​​​​​​​​

@b3autyfuldisast3r​​​​​​​​​​​

@donnaintx​​​​​​​​​​​

@maliburenee​​​​​​​​​​​

@the-family-business67​​​​​​​​​​​

@agirlwithdemonblood​​​​​​​​​​​

@captainsoldiergirl​​​​​​​​​​​

@twinkleinadiamondsky​​​​​​​​​​​

Jensen and Dean’s Babes

@deans-baby-momma​​​​​​​​​​​  

@impalaslytherin​​​​​​​​​​​

@perpetualabsurdity​​​​​​​​​​​

@msmarvelouswinchester​​​​​​​​​​​

@akshi8278​​​​​​​​​​​

@love-jackles​​​​​​​​​​​

@irmcpar​​​​​​​​​​​

@pink-sparkly-witch​​​​​​​​​​​

@deans-spinster-witchs-favorites​​​​​​​​​​​

@herstarburststories​​​​​​​​​​​

@mimaria420​​​​​​​​​​​

@deanwinchesterswitch​​​​​​​​​​​

@charred-angelwings​​​​​​​​​​​

@pascal-rascal424​​​​​​​​​​​

@myloversgone​​​​​​​​​​​

@fortheloveof-jackles​​​​​​​​​​​

@eevvvaa​​​​​​​​​​​

@bts-spnlvr12​​​​​​​​​​​

@jxackles

@lassie-bird​​​​​​​​​​​

@samsgirl93​​​​​​​​​​​

@shawnie74​​​​​​​​​​​  

@kaz11283​​​​​​​​​​​

@mlovesstories​​​​​​​​​​​

@ladysparks78

@sarahgracej​

SAF tag list

@itsdesiree86​

@evilunicorns4minions​​

@jesllianaquilesrolonsworld​​

@thefemalestorywriter​​

@tapedeck-hearts​​​

@tristanrosspada-ackles​  

@southerngal96

@mavisiceroo

[inklessletter]

Threatening to report minors for interacting with your public, non-functionally-age gated blog is a fucking joke and it is report abuse. Your blog is public, minors are probably viewing it right now. What is wrong with you?

Hi Anon. I was just about to reply the same way I did to the other anon that actually insulted me so gratuitously, because, seriously, just by the tone alone you might as well deserve it. But I am civil, because I see that there is a genuine lack of understanding of that rule, so I'm going to explain this one to you (though I don't have to, Anon, you should already know this, it's common sense, but I get that you may just not be aware).

Firstly, my blog is public because, if you cared to scroll down for half a minute, you'd have seen that I don't aim to post or reblog +18 stuff, and when I do post content that might be sensitive, I rate the post as Mature, so there's no need of a warning for the whole blog, it's just silly. I am careful like that, even though I have never posted anything explicit whatsoever. But I don't know if I'm going to come across an explicit post that it's so good that it deserves a reblog, or post something explicit myself (that, as I say, I would rate it as I should, and always respecting this site's ground rules), and those are the post I'm warning minors about, not the whole blog.

Secondly, (and this is where I think most people get lost in this issue) about the minors dni thing, you should keep in mind a simple thing: when OPs say "MINORS DNI" they are not protecting minors, they're protecting their blogs, their creations, and above all, themselves. No OP of age with the minors dni warning in their blogs sets this rule for the kicks, if we make a +18 post and allow comments or reblogs from clear minors this could be a potentially serious problem depending on the country or the laws that they apply to that. It is that simple. It's for our own protection. (Besides, some people just don't want minors interacting with their blog/posts, and that's okay).

And before someone goes like "how could you say that you're protecting your blog and not what kids see!!", I'm going to tell them (and I think I might be speaking for many of us here) that I am not responsible for monitoring what minors consume or don't consume on the internet, unless they're my kids. It's their parent's/tutor's/people who are responsible for them, not me. And believe me that I don't mean this in a rude way, but it is simply not my problem.

I have no issue whatsoever with minors interacting in non-rated posts, everyone is welcome here, that is actually the first rule of this house. That this is a safe place, and I think I can't stress this enough. What I am asking is for you to understand that I, as responsible for this blog, draw a line on minors interacting in rated/+18 post, either mine or something I reblog, under the consequence of being potentially blocked and/or reported. I have the right to do both blocking and reporting people that don't go with the rules, and honestly, I don't even have to warn about it, I'm just being clear here so we all know where we stand. It is, honestly, not hard to understand.

So, you see, there's a reason for that rule, and I thought that it was absolutely clear without having to go through this big-ass text post, but maybe you just didn't know it. I am not gate keeping anyone, I'm not an elitist, I am not an kid-eating ogre (I do actually like them, little wips of a person), I am just saying that in this particular blog, in my house, this is a rule that should be respected if you want to stay. If you don't then don't follow me (or block me, even, so you don't have to deal with the posibility of someday finding any of my post in your dash, it is really, really okay, since as I said before, I am not responsible for what you consume or not, but you are.)

And that, dear Anon, is what's wrong with me.

Have a nice night

🤍🤍🤍

[rogersideup]

Nice to be Kneaded

Chapter fourteen

Cinnamon Roll

Series Masterlist

Previous part: Cardboard Castle Next Part: Everything will be Okay

Word Count: 7,758

Warnings: Please read. My blog is 18+ only. All minors or blogs without an age in bio will be blocked. Minors DNI. Mentions of medical equipment, loss, abuse, PTSD, anxiety and depression. This chapter contains dialog and storytelling of the loss of a pregnancy. If this is a topic that weighs heavy on your heart and is too difficult to read, please skip to the next chapter. 🤍

The whole of the month you got to spend with Steve in Greenwood completely unapologetically was as magical as it could've been. Perfect was an understatement.

It felt like good stepping stones to really get life back on track after the blip. Although you had already gotten a good grip before your arrest, motivation to do better now that you had Steve back at your side was at an all time high.

He got to see all the work you did on the bakery while he was gone, and needless to say the hours you'd devoted worked really well. Business had never been better, and operations have never been smoother.

Though he did have to go back to New York for a little while before he could officially make the move over to the house next to yours, his absence was nothing like the first time.

This time, you knew he was alive and well. The two of your texted all day long, and would have conversations on the phone for hours on end about everything under the sun and nothing at all.

You'd send each other pictures of what you were doing throughout the day. Coffees in the morning, lunch with the Avengers, cakes you decorated that day, dinner with the girls, his fitting for a new suit, your outfit for that one bridal shower.

And in the loneliest hours, your sunflowers would glow. Sometimes if he was having trouble falling asleep in his bed all alone, he'd press his watch to see if you were awake.

Since there was a time difference, your necklace usually lit up around the time you were just getting home from work, so you were happy to make his sunflower glow. The two of you even made a little code.

Once was to say hi, a simple message to let each other know you we're thinking of them. Twice in a row was I miss you, three times was I love you.

Usually at night he would send one to say hi, and make sure you were there, and you would send one back. Then he'd send two to tell you he missed you, and you would send two back. Lastly he would send three, and you'd send three back.

It made you smile every single day. Such a simple, and easy way to know he was always with you even when he physically wasn't anywhere near.

Since he had been gone for two months, and you sill had a month and a half without him, you also took the time to really strengthen your social circle. With the loss of Georgia as your best friend, you found it a good time to really focus on other people in your life who meant a lot to you.

You felt comfortable with your friends now, confiding in them felt easier, hanging out with them felt like less effort, and every day you just felt better.

Steve did a lot to help you find acceptance in the blip, and in turn, he found his own as well. He reminded you that it was okay to start moving on from what was lost and start living your life to the fullest again. And that you did.

You still missed Georgia, especially this time of year. With a particularly traumatic event anniversary looming upon you and rapidly approaching, you found yourself wanting to knock on her door to talk about it. She was the only one who really knew the whole story, the only one that showed up for you that day when you needed someone.

Even though you desperately wanted to talk about it, somehow you couldn't let the words roll off your tongue to anyone. Not to Steve, not to your friends, and your therapist was blipped. Unfortunately, a lot of people turned to therapy after the loss of half the people in the universe which mean the waitlist to get a therapist in your insurance network was miles long.

You were close with your friends now, even best friends with some, but everyone's lives were so chaotic nowadays that you didn't want to trauma dump on them. And sweet Steve, states away in a city that was busy and a job that was even busier while packing up his stuff and arranging to move far away.

Deep down you knew if you told him he'd feel guilty for being so far, and once he knew, you knew he'd look at you through different eyes. Perhaps confiding from thousands of miles away would be easier, he'd had more space to process, and you wouldn't have to look him in the eye when you'd tell him why you've been so sad lately. But maybe from thousands of miles away, he didn't even have to know.

The last thing you ever wanted to do was burden anyone with your emotions. You didn't want to exist loudly in a room during a time that made you want to slip by completely forgotten.

And quite honestly, letting the words leave your mouth and settle into his ears made what happened to you even more real. It wasn't just a tale between you, your last lover, and Georgia.

It would be a real tragedy you'd have to face once more, over and over and over again.

Every morning you'd wake up and the date was displayed proudly on your phone screen, and every day counted down until the grand finale of your grief. Every day closer to the date was a day closer to putting that date behind you.

So, you decided to just be strong. Two more days and it would all be over again until next year. You'd put a brave face on, go to work to distract yourself, come home and go on a walk to distract yourself, dinner and a TV show to distract yourself, then go to sleep until it was time to do it again the next day.

The plan was working, in fact it had worked so well that you never allowed yourself time to process any of your emotions until it hit you like a tone of bricks the day before the anniversary.

It happened mid afternoon while at work while reading a custom cookie request for a baby's first birthday party. Wild one. Jungle animals, pretty monstera leaves, number ones with the little boy's name on them.

A knot formed in your throat faster than you could swallow it away, and tears filled your eyes and the need to cry stung your sinuses. The way you abruptly stood up from in front of the computer and announced you had to go scared pretty much every employee in the store at the time, but your body told you this was an emergency. It was like the building was on fire and every nerve was bouncing around in your brain telling you that exiting was your only means of survival.

You cried on your way home, you cried all the way up the stairs, you cried until you could change into comfortable clothes and get into bed. You laid there in silence and starred up at the ceiling for awhile. Day two of your period happening to fall during this time seemed like the universe laughing in your face. More pain, and heightened emotions. The palm of your right hand over your lower stomach, the palm of your left curled around your necklace.

Everything in you wanted to squeeze it to send Steve a little glow, you even wanted to call him to hear his voice for even just the slightest bit of comfort you could get, but once again, you just couldn't.

Steve was a smart man. He'd know a message from you around this time of day was out of the ordinary, he'd ask you about it, and you wouldn't be able to get yourself to lie to him. But you couldn't tell him what happened yet, still not ready for it to be true.

So you got out of bed and flipped through the hangers in your closet until you found his hoodie. You let it cover and warm your body like the big hug he'd give you if he was here right now, then crawled right back into bed. One hand on your lower stomach, the other clutching the sunflower.

You thought about him for awhile, how he'd react if you just doubled down and talked to him about what happened. The biggest part of you was terrified he'd be left feeling differently about you in the worst way possible, like telling him about the way a past man in your life had treated your body would make you unfavorable for him. But the smaller part of you knew he'd speak comforting words to you over the phone, and support you in anyway he could from so far away. He'd remind you that he'd be back sooner than you knew, he'd offer to fly over the moment he could. You really didn't want to bother him.

Fuck. You missed him. Okay, he gave you the necklace for a reason, you should just use it.

You squeezed it twice. I miss you.

You observed it in the palm of your hand for a while, waiting to see if he noticed you had sent him a little message.

Then, it lit up twice. I miss you too.

A long exhale passed your lips in an effort to take some calm breaths to convince yourself everything was okay. It's been three years now, that's 1,095 days you've survived since than, you have every means necessary to make it 1,096.

Then, your necklace lit up three times. I love you.

You squeezed it three times back. I love you too.

That little reminder was enough to snap yourself out of it for a while. You watched a movie in bed, took a shower, then called it a night early around 7:30pm. But you couldn't sleep, your mind was racing way too fast alongside your heart. A little while later, your phone rang beside you and you didn't even open your eyes to pick it up, you already knew who it was.

"Hi, baby" Steve's voice filled your room.

"Hi, love. How are you?" You asked, trying to sound normal. It didn't work.

"I'm good!" He answered. "I called you so you didn't get scared."

"Scared?" You questioned, throughly confused.

"Your front door is about to open, but it's fine. Don't worry about it." He said.

"...my front door? Is about to open? And I shouldn't be scared?" You reiterated.

"Yeah, it's totally fine. Pay it no mind." He confirmed.

You could hear the lock and knob rattling from downstairs, then the familiar sound of the door opening and closing.

"Okaaaaayy? Do I want to know who's in my house right now or should I just continue to pretend like this is totally fine and normal?"

"No it's definitely totally fine and 100% normal." He reassured. "Hey, why are all the lights off right now?"

"Are you in my house or is this like... some sort of Avengers secret spy thing and something is about to try and kill me but it's going to be fine because I'm on the phone with you?" You asked, heart rate increasing by the second.

"Everything is fine, including the footsteps up your staircase." His voice dropped to a whisper.

"Steve..."

"I'm coming in"

You bedroom door knob turned before it opened, revealing a slightly disheveled Steve in cozy clothes with a backpack on his back and flowers in his hand.

"Surprise!" He greeted you with a big smile, and sleepy eyes.

"Steve! What the h- why are you here?!" You happily jumped out of bed and practically tackled him in the biggest hug you could manage.

"Cause I missed you!" He enthused, keeping his balance despite how much force you had used to knock into him.

"I missed you too!" You squeezed him tight. A hug from him was exactly what you needed right now.

“That conference thing next week got canceled and I had nothing on the schedule until then. I was already contemplating it, then you said you missed me so I hopped on the Jet and now here I am!"

You giggled before rocking up on your tippy toes to reach his lips for a kiss. "I'm so happy you're here!"

"I was just going to come in and walk up but I really didn't want to get the police called on me today." He explained.

"Yeah, that definitely would've scared the shit out of me." You agreed with a smile as you got a good look at his face. He looked tired, his eyes were sleepy and swollen, his shoulders and posture was relaxed, and his voice was raspier than usual. "You seem tired, are you alright?"

"Yeah I'm fine!" He assured you. "I did some agility training this morning and it kicked my butt. I'm just tired and sore."

"You? Sore?" You raised an eyebrow.

"Unfortunately." Steve grinned, then he noticed your face. Your nose and eyes were red, they lacked that usual sparkle he was used to. The smile he loved so much seemed like it was the first time it occurred all day long. "Woah, Sunflower what's wrong?"

You watched his face change from happy to concerned in a split second. He set the flowers down on the dresser, and slipped his backpack off before setting it against the wall. "Oh, nothing I'm okay."

"At what point are we going to learn that I'll never believe that?" Steve denied your claim.

You raised an eyebrow at him as he sat down on the edge of your bed and pat his lap, prompting you to sit. Unfortunately, even with him right in front of you, you still couldn't get yourself to talk about it. Only half the truth was going to have to make due for now.

Sitting sideways on his lap, you hid your face away in the crook of his neck and let his strong arms squeeze you tight and support your body as your curled up into a little ball. Right here, hiding away against his body and behind the protection of his arms was where you felt safest. You wished in that moment that you could spend the rest of today and all of tomorrow here.

"Didn't even realized how much I needed this until right now." You confessed, melting into him him butter.

"Talk to me, Sweetheart. What's going on?" Steve asked, pressing kisses to your forehead.

You sighed, feeling bad that this was supposed to be a happy surprise but you're ruining it for him. "Sorry, just- hard day at work, cramps, hormones making the hard day even harder." You explained.

"Really?! Didn't you just get your period like..." he counted on his fingers. "Four weeks ago?"

"Cruel isn't it?" He forced more smiles out of you.

"So cruel." Steve agreed. "What happened at work?"

"Super busy as usual, I just kind've felt like I was drowning all day and unable to keep up."

"I'm sorry, Baby." Steve pouted before kissing your cheek. He had a strong suspicion that there was more happening beneath the surface, but he also understood that it was getting late and his presence was unexpected. You probably needed more time to warm back up. "How can I make you feel better?"

"This is more than enough." You smiled, squeezing him tightly with your arms once more. "Thanks for coming."'

"Anything for you" He squeezed you back.

Since it was already pretty late and you were both tired, you got into bed and cuddled up close. Once again, you were amazed by Steve's ability to be by your side when you needed him most, even if he might not have realized how impeccable his timing was. His heart beating calmly and slowly against your palm did wonders to ground you, and the loving exchange of words and slow kisses calmed your mind from running too far ahead of itself.

Steve eventually drifted off, but sleep never arrived for you. Most of the night was spent staring up at the ceiling and holding Steve in the embrace he subconsciously had you in.

He had woken up a few times in the night completely unnoticed by you, or maybe you just didn't have the energy to acknowledge he was awake, but each time he caught you with a hand on your stomach and your eyes glued to the ceiling. At one point he even tried to help you. He trapped you in his arms and you hid your face into the crook of his neck once more, your legs tangled up with his and his warm hand cradled the back of your head. You kissed his neck in appreciation and really tried your hardest to turn your brain off.

Then, when Steve woke up the next morning you were out like a light. Your body was completely on top of his, and so relaxed you might as well have been a piece cooked spaghetti. He stayed with you for a while, making sure to massage your back and play with your hair, but he realized after a while that there were no signs you were anywhere near ready to wake up and function for the day. As carefully as he would diffuse a bomb, he slipped out from underneath you and tucked you back in super tight before kissing you goodbye and going for a run.

By the time he finished a disgusting amount of miles and actually tuckered himself out, he showered and made his way back to you. Carrying his feet up the stairs, he found you dressed for the day, hair done in a cute little clip, sneakers on your feet, but also slouched over with your head in your hands.

The sound of the door opening alerted you to pick yourself up, but it was no use. You couldn't even hide that you were miserable.

"Good morning, baby." You stuck your arms out for a hug.

"Morning" He leaned over and gave you one without question, before squatting down in front of you. "Still not feeling good?"

His face was full of so much sympathy it made you want to curl up into a ball and cry, but that wasn't an option right now. Not when your girls at the bakery called for help even though you blocked today off just for yourself. "Is it really that obvious?"

"You look beautiful," He kindly smiled as he took his hands into yours. "but you don't seem like yourself, and I can tell you didn't sleep much last night."

"I didn't, that's for sure."

"You have to go to work?" He questioned sadly.

You nodded with regret and apology. He flew all the way here just to see you, but all he got was the worst version of you and now none of you at all. "I'm sorry, the girls asked me to come in, they're drowning in work just like I was yesterday."

"No, don't be sorry." Steve reassured you, his kind smile persisting. "If you need help with anything just let me know, alright? You know I'm happy to help."

"Thank you, Stevie." This time you smiled. "I feel really bad that you came all this way to see me and all you've gotten is...this." You referred to yourself.

"Hey, don't say that." He furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm not here to only love you when you're at your best, Sunflower. I love you just as much like this as I would if you were happy and bouncing off the walls."

"I love you so much." You leaned forward and wrapped your arms around his neck.

He kissed your cheek, then you pulled away. "You know if you ever want to talk about anything I'm here for you, judgement free right?"

"I know, and I appreciate that." You nodded, contemplating your words and desperately trying to find the right ones. Remembering the last time your trauma caused you to feel too scared to talk to him, a light clicked in your head when you remembered he thought it was his fault. "I'm going to be honest and say that today is going to be a hard day, but if you just give me until tomorrow I promise I'll be better."

"So there is something wrong?" He questioned gently, your hands shook in his hold so he rubbed the back of them with his thumbs.

You nodded. "I'm sorry. I just- I don't know how to talk about it. And I have to go to work for a while so I don't even want to open up a whole can of worms right before I have to go. It's been so busy I feel like I can't even breathe, plus with all of this it just feels like everybody wants too much from me-"

"Hey, it's okay, just take a deep breath." Steve reminded you. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, I'm not going to make you. There's no timeline, you don't have to be better by tomorrow."

"I'm sorry" You apologized again, taking a deep breath.

"You're okay" He squeezed your hands. "I love you, and I want to support you the best way I can."

"I love you too. I'll see you when I get home?"

"I'll be here" Steve reassured you.

Work was fine for a little while, you were able to completely shut off the brain noise as you helped catch up on cake orders and played barista in the front. But a few hours before closing there was a huge rush, and it never slowed down until you had to cut off the customers from coming in at exactly closing time. Then there was so much to do that you couldn't even think about anything happening in your personal life if you wanted to. There were a million different things happening at once, each of your employees had a million questions for you, each question distracted you from every task from the long list you so desperately needed to complete.

You got yelled at by more than one customer, and it definitely wasn't a pleasant experience. Words of how you're a terrible person with worse business ethic were spat at you, reminders that you're a bitch and you lost customers over not serving chocolate chip cookies after closing time.

One woman even made a comment to you after calling you incompetent that made you hold back a laugh from deep within your soul. "I came all the way here to get the same treats Captain America eats and this is what I get? Steve Rogers would make sure everyone in line got something instead of cutting people off and sending them home empty handed."

You could've explained that every single one of your employees was already putting in more hours than normal. They were all exhausted, on overtime, and you were trying your hardest to not ware them all out more than you already have. You could've said the bake case was almost empty anyways, there wasn't even enough to serve everyone in line. You even could have even given them one of the last few pastries in the case to make up for the inconvenience, because really you did feel bad.

But instead, you condemned her for being rude to you. You stood your ground and asked her to leave. Normally you wouldn't stick up for yourself like that in the bakery, you always had a professional response to everything and any situation that was thrown your way. But there was an anger bubbling inside you since you woke up this morning.

Three years ago the universe took a lot from you, and today when you just needed to give back to yourself, you were met with nothing but people taking more from you.

Steve was at home waiting for your time, the girls needed your effort, the customers needed more than you could offer them. They called you names, you worked yourself to the bone, and you were harboring guilt all dealing with a plethora of your own issues. So yes, you yelled back at her.That wasn't something you were going to feel bad about. She had it coming.

However, the anger from the day boiled inside you as you closed the bakery and made your way home. Saying you were overwhelmed and overstimulated was an understatement, and knowing you had an opportunity for just a few moments of alone time was the only thing holding you together.

You rushed into your house like a tornado, the front door slammed behind you in your residual gusts of wind. Not even bothering to lock it, you bolted up the stairs, straight through your bedroom and right into your bathroom where you subconsciously slammed the door once more. The bath was filling with steamy hot water and bubbles from your favorite soap in an instant.

Being so laser focused on a long hot bath, and being so stuck in your own anger made you miss the way Steve was sitting on your couch. You missed him locking the door behind you with big wide eyes, you missed him calling after you, you missed the way you had slammed not only your bedroom door, but also your bathroom door right in his face as your ripped through your house.

Quite honestly, Steve was feeling deeply concerned. He had never seen you anything but quiet and gentle before. Even on your saddest days you walked gently as if the ground was made of wispy cotton candy, you moved calmly, everything you did was quiet. But this? This was like the Tasmanian Devil from looney toons had possessed his girlfriend. This had him timidly knocking on the bathroom door before he entered, which you also somehow seemed to miss.

He poked his head in but didn't dare to enter. You were ripping your shirt off and kicking your shoes off your feet at the same time. "Everything okay?" He asked quietly.

"Jesus Chris-"You shrieked and jumped out of your skin. "What the fuck- dude. Don't sneak up on me like that."

"I'm sorry, I thought you heard me." Steve defended himself. "I was calling after you, I knocked on the door."

"Okay well, obviously I didn't hear you." You snapped, immediately feeling guilty but also feeling completely unable to take down your attitude down a notch.

His eyebrows raised, feeling surprised by your reaction towards him. "Are you okay?"

"Im so tired of being asked that as if I'm some ticking time bomb." As you continued undressing, you glared at him. You fucking hated that question, especially at this moment when it was very obvious that you were not. But, you could tell that your defensiveness was making him defensive, and that made you all the more anxious but you just couldn't stop. "But i'm just peachy! Thanks for asking!"

"I'm not what you're mad at." He reminded you. "I'm not the enemy."

He was right, but telling by his tone he was definitely not happy with you. "Can I just get some time to myself?" You took some deep breaths, but your tone was still putting up its fight. "Maybe like an hour? Please?"

Though Steve knew you were going through something, this was the first time the two of you even had anything close to an argument. He was trying not to feel hurt but he couldn't get Georgia's words out of his head. They played over and over again like a record with a deep scratch in its grooves.

She'll love you so hard, but shut you out when things get emotionally tough in her head. So much so that it'll suffocate you.

"You're shutting me out." Steve mumbled. He didn't know if it was to himself or to you, but either way it slipped passed his lips.

"I'm not shutting you out, I just need an hour to pull myself together because I can't regulate my emotions right now and I don't want to hurt your feelings by saying something I don't mean." You explained, pulling your hair up into a bun while your heart raced out of your chest.

"Should I not have come?" Steve asked, hurt in his eyes.

"What?" You asked, slowly remembering something you had overheard but completely blocked out from your memory.

"I feel like I shouldn't have come here." He said again, this time he hurt your feelings.

That one line from him set you right back into the way things used to be with your ex. You shut down your own feelings to protect yourself, and started pushing him away. "Are you feeling suffocated?"

His head snapped up and his eyes burned holes into your body as you sank into the bath. "I'm sorry I don't understa-"

"If you feel suffocated you can just go home, breathe some fresh air somewhere I'm not." You spat, trying not to cry.

"You heard that conversation with Georgia?" He asked, finally piecing together the puzzle.

"My window was open, I had no choice." You explained. "I know that she probably planted a little bug in your head. You've probably been worried about it every day since she said that to you."

"Sunflower you can't just-"

"Can't what?" You spat, arms resting on the side of the tub. "Tell you I'm not in a good place and I need a day to just feel better again? Communicate that I need some alone time to avoid exactly what's happening right now? Tell you I already feel bad about how you came here just for me to be in a not so great mental state?"

He opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out so it snapped shut.

"I'm trying Steve. I'm trying to be better, trying to not be so... suffocating but right now I'm giving all I have. This is it. And if it's not enough, you can just go home and we can deal with this later. I have nothing left."

"I'll leave if you want me to, but I can't get the Jet out of the hanger until the morning." He grumbled.

"The Jet?" You questioned, the cracks in your heart shattered even deeper in your chest.

"You told me to go home."

You chuckled as to disguise the way your heat shattered at the confirmation of your worst fear. Greenwood didn’t feel like home to him, and you were holding him back in the small town when his heart beloved in a big city. "Well I thought we were both in agreement that your home was one door over."

Steve immediately realized the damage he had done and instantly felt terrible for misunderstanding you. The guilt squeezed his chest making it hard to breathe, now he was the one who needed some time to himself just to reassess the damage that had been done and formulate a way to properly fix it.

"It is but I thought you meant-" The words continued escaping him. He couldn't even formulate a proper sentence anymore. Honestly, each of his words dug him a deeper grave that he had to lay in so he just decided to shut up. That's probably what you wanted from the moment he accidentally scared you in the first place.

"If you don't feel like this is your home, it doesn't have to be." You scolded him. "And if I'm suffocating you, you don't have to stay here. No one is forcing you to put up with any of this."

"Yet I'm still here, aren't I?" He pointed out.

"I need an hour." You firmly set your boundary. "Minimum."

"That's fine. I'm just... I'm gonna go home." Steve mumbled.

"Guess I'll find out where that is later." You said your peace before letting the whole of your tired body sink into the hot water.

Steve watched your lip wobble and your eyes close as you settled into the tub. One single tear fell down your face as you took some deep breaths and waited for the sound of the door to slam shut. It never did, instead there were footsteps towards you and the gentlest of kisses on the crown of your head before he left and the door clicked quietly behind him.

You used a little battery powered remote to turn off all the bathroom lights, and let the tears fall quietly as you kept your eyes closed and made peace with not being okay for a while.

The warm water, small dark room, and a cozy scent felt like the best sanctuary away from the craziness of the world. The warmth and pressure of the deep water felt like the hug you really needed all day, and the lack of stimulants made you feel as though you could catch your breath again.

Meanwhile, Steve went home and set a timer on his phone for one hour and one minute. If you needed a minimum of an hour, that's what he would give you before letting you know what he so desperately needed you to hear.

Just as your mind relaxed and you felt like you had a good grip on your emotions again, Steve's alarm went off.

The completely dark bathroom illuminated with a soft golden glow, even with your eyes closed you could see it through your eyelids.

Slowly opening them, you counted three lights. I love you.

Your hand moved up from its spot on your lower stomach, and gripped the sunflower on your necklace.

You squeezed it three times. I love you too.

Watching his watch light up gave him enough courage to get off his ass and actually execute the very plan he thought of the moment he stepped out of your front door.

A little while later, your bath ran cold and your eyes grew heavy so got out and dressed yourself. You dragged your heavy feet down the stairs for a calming cup of tea to help you sleep, they shuffled on the hardwood floors of the first level and stopped in place when you saw a sleepy and sad Steve on your couch.

His blank stare at the tv was distracted by your entrance, so he sat up and started explaining himself. "You told me to go home, but my home is wherever you are so I settled for the couch."

Everything in you ached, and you hated every second of the little argument you just had.

"You don't have to talk about what's happening, and we don't even have to talk about what happened upstairs until you feel better, but I don't want you to be alone." Steve explained, keeping his voice mellow and calm.

In that moment, you surrendered. Your white flag waved high up on a pole, and you chucked all your fears out of the window.

What happened to you was real whether people knew or not, and you and Steve were already on a pretty rocky road. Whether this would patch up the potholes or open up a sinkhole didn't really matter to you anymore. You were just desperate to not feel so alone inside of your own head.

So you walked towards him and dove into his arms. Much like he did last night, he held you safely against his warm body without question.

No longer asking if you were okay, he just let you be sad. He knew now that not everything needed a solution, but you definitely needed support.

You stayed there for a little while, finding the strength to let him in while simultaneously basking in his body heat. Really, he thought you weren't going to speak another word until tomorrow morning. But when he heard your quiet voice tucked between his neck and shoulder he almost couldn't believe it was coming from you.

"Three years ago my ex shoved me down the stairs." You started. After that you almost stopped, you could've just left it at that. You even waited a few moments to see if he had a response to that, but it seemed like he was more so waiting for you to continue. "We had a really bad argument right in the hallway, well, it started in the bathroom and he led me to the hallway. Something I said really pissed him off and he shoved me backwards. I lost my balance, fell down every single step."

Steve's arms wrapped tighter around you, unsure of when or if he was supposed to say anything to you. But some arm rubs seemed to do the trick as you settled deeper into his body and opened your heart to him.

"When he recalls the story, he said I tripped over my own feet and for a little while I believed him." You added.

"We're you okay?" Steve practically whispered.

"We got into that really bad argument because he had gotten me pregnant on accident" You revealed, feeling nervous to the point of nausea.

Once again, he didn't know how to respond to that, but he let out a little grimace hoping that where he thought this story was going would end up a thousand times better than what was in his head.

"It was an accident but I was excited, I always wanted to be a mom and I knew I could do it whether he wanted to be present in it's little life or not. He wanted me to terminate the pregnancy pretty early on, but I convinced him to let me take charge. I would do everything on my own, he's never have to lift a single finger, that's what we agreed on." You explained. "I was 12 weeks along and we found out it was a boy. I was so happy, but he just... blew up. He said I was trapping him- intentionally trying to ruining his life because I had everything I wanted in the palm of my hand. It was that same day I just so happen to trip over my own feet."

"I'm so sorry." Steve already knew this had a bad ending, he couldn't even brace himself for it.

"Baby lost his heartbeat before I could even make it to Greenwood Medical. Georgia was out of town when it happened, I didn't want to upset my mom with the news and loss of a baby in the same phone call, and my ex said if I needed to deal with the consequences of my own actions so I was alone in the hospital room for four days after an emergency extraction and sustaining a plethora of other injuries until Georgia could come him." You continued the story. "She brought me home from the hospital and took care of me night and day for a whole week before convincing me to file a police report. But the second he found out that I was trying to take legal action against him, he packed all his stuff and left. We couldn't even find him to serve a restraining order against him after that, nobody even knew he was in Arizona until a year after he left."

"When he was found, was a restraining order served?" Steve questioned.

You nodded. "I'm usually okay. I can think about the baby without getting sad, I remember those 12 weeks through rose colored glasses even though I was so terribly sick every day. But this is the one time of year I can't beat it. I get angry that it happened, I just wanted to track him down and scream in his face, I just feel mad at the world when I see happy moms with their kids. And this year, my period just feels like a cruel reminder that I'm definitely not pregnant."

Steve kissed your head as he tried to find the right words to make it better, but nothing could. Quite honestly, if he had been through anything like that, he was sure he wouldn't be as put together as you were regardless of the argument you two had, and the fact that you felt like you were falling apart.

A lot of situations clicked into place through your admission. Your fear of the hospital, your subtle reaction to him asking if you wanted kids, your hand that never seemed to leave it's spot on your tummy while you stared up at the ceiling last night.

"I usually spend this day alone, but everyone needed a lot from me today. Work was stressful and customers were yelling at me when I already had very little to offer the world. I didn't mean to shut you out, and I definitely didn't mean to be rude. I just... snapped and I'm really sorry." You finally apologized feeling so much lighter already. "You didn't deserve my attitude, and you weren't what I was mad about."

"It's okay, I knew something was wrong and I let my own hard head get in the way." He accepted. "I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions and not really hearing what you were saying."

"I completely understand, if you didn't know I get that my behavior probably seems completely irrational and dramatic." You sympathized. "I think you handled it pretty well."

"Nothing about your behavior today has been dramatic, and I definitely didn't handle that well." He denied. "But I know now, and I'll do better next time. I'm so sorry that happened to you, Sunflower. I don't even know what to say, but I'm sure you've heard every bullshit greeting card invalidating response under the sun already."

"Oh trust me, I know I'm young and I could just pop out another one whenever I want to." You chuckled at the accuracy of his statement. "Don't worry, I know Jesus or god or whoever is up there has a baby ready for me whenever I'm really ready to be a mom."

Steve physically cringed at those two statements, "Is there anything I can do for you to make this day better?"

You shook your head with an artificial grin. "Your patience and understanding has been more than enough."

He kissed the top of you head, and thought long and hard about words he could speak to bring you comfort, but you spoke again before he did.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my pregnancy sooner. I wasn't trying to hide it or keep it a secret, it's just.... It's hard to talk about. And I found that when I told people I was always met with these pitiful looks and sentiments that always made me feel worse than when I just kept it all bottled up. It's also something that I definitely would've been punished for in the past and I'm just trying really hard to unlearn all of the fear that comes along with rebuilding healthy relationships. I'm never trying to push you away when things get hard or shut you out, sometimes I just get scared and I don't know how to handle it."

"Well I think you're doing a really good job." Steve softly grinned down at you. His praise warmed your heart and your cheeks. "I can't imagine any of that was easy, so thank you for sharing that with me."

"You make it easy." You let out a sigh of relief.

"You're always safe with me, Sunflower." Steve reminded you. "Always. I mean that. I'm here for you whenever you need me for anything no matter what. Nothing will ever change the way I love you."

"Our love for each other has been pretty unconditional so far hasn't it?" You giggled.

Steve thought about what you said before smiling in agreement. "Yeah, we have been through some crazy stuff together haven't we?"

"I'd say so." You agreed.

"Did he have a name?" Steve questioned.

"The baby?" You reiterated.

"Yeah" he nodded with a grin.

"I never got the chance to give him one" You denied, "but I was calling him cinnamon roll."

"Awww cause he was a little bun in your oven?" Steve pouted because it was just too cute to handle.

"Exactly"

"Well in all the time cinnamon roll had with you, all he ever knew was the best mama in the whole world." Steve acknowledged, not wanting to dismiss what your grief was reminding you off today.

You lip trembled despite your genuine smile, and your eyes filled with tears. "Damn it honey, I just stopped crying."

"It's okay to cry" He smiled with you, giving you another squeeze. "Shedding some tears is wonderful way to spend the day regardless of the pain. It's just a reminder of how much you really loved him and I think that's beautiful."

"Thank you, Stevie, for everything. You're the best person I've ever had in my life, and I love you so fucking much." You dug your face back into the crook of his neck feeling an overwhelming amount of love for the baby you never got to know and the man holding you close.

"I love you too." He gently rocked you.

"I think you'll be the best dad in the whole world one day." You thought out loud.

"And you're the best mom ever."

Once again, that statement made the tears fall past the surface point. Steve let you quietly cry in his arms until he unintentionally lulled you to sleep.

But tonight unlike any of the night of the previous three years, your tears were full of joy. And instead of drifting off and thinking of the loss and the what if's, you thought of something much happier.

You reminisced on all of the times, the years, you settled for scraps. The times of your life you begged of any ounce of affection and support, you thought you had to earn it. When you did, the attention was laced with rejection, resentment lingered through every word and every touch.

And now you got to fall asleep in the safety of the arms of your favorite person. His words came without incentive, you didn't have to beg for his touch. You didn't need to earn the tender moments or reassurance.

It all just came so easy.

Though religion was something that escaped you early in life, you were convinced this new life you had was good enough to be heaven sent, and Steve was the closest thing to a real life angel you'd ever see.

You slept soundly that night knowing that one day whenever you were ready, you'd have a little cinnamon roll to love for the rest of your life.

And maybe a honeybun.

Maybe a popover.

And with full confidence they would be half you, half angel.

Next Part: Everything will be Okay

Please note that I understand I’m covering heavy topics in this series, but I wholeheartedly believe it’s important to highlight an experience that is unfortunately very common in womanhood. To be anything but a cis white man is to fight in a world that wasn’t made for you, and I think writing only experiences of sunshine and rainbows for readers is a disservice to capturing living a human life. Much love and lots of light to everyone reading 🤍🌟

Tag list: @patzammit @bemysugarbean @buckymydarlingangel @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @happinessinthebeing @differenttyphoonwerewolf @themotherof10 @lokislady82 @talesofadragon @spikeluv84 @xxxalicerogersxx @Avid-fic-reader-05 @royalwriteroftheuniverse @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @bitchy-bi-trash @crazyunsexycool @openup-yourmind @selella @kattreffic @benedict-squirtle @magnificentsaladllama @natashassandwitch @theroyalmanatee @calwitch @avengersinitiative2012 @rogersbarber @daddywattpad4945

[ser-rctslcyer]

Wanna Join? || Cassian Andor

Pairing: Cassian Andor x AFAB! Gender-neutral! Reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Kinktober: Day 1 + Dirty Talk

Warnings: NSFW, Friends to Lovers, Coded Language (clit & cunt), Dirty Talk, Riding, Breeding

A/N: These are 18+ works, so no minors(you will be blocked)!! Also if you have a blank blog or no age/age range listed I will also block!!!

Whining winds dance through the near barren streets. 

It was that time of night, when everyone died down and settled in their homes, maybe at their tables or in their beds— all except you. You couldn’t sleep, and since there was nothing better for you to do in your house, you wandered the streets. Your head was as lost as the dim little lights above you, pondering how dismal everything seemed working for the same ol’ scraps. Most days were tiresome, the same mediocre days, as stale as the beer the bar served here. There were only certain moments in your life that you felt like you were living— or rather a certain person.

It wasn’t hard to imagine his dark messy hair you’d like to run your fingers through or the scruffy beard you felt against your cheek. His laugh echoed around your head like it was its own song, or how he jeered at anyone thinking they could mess with him. It wasn’t hard envisioning him after all, you two had spent hours together almost every day. 

Without realizing it you had begun heading towards “his secret place”; the broken run-down ship Cassian had liked to stay at. You chuckled to yourself, deciding that if anyone could cure your late-night boredom it would be him. It didn’t take long for you to get there. Stumbling carefully through the small junkyard, you noticed the small dim light on in the ship; he was awake— good. 

Grinning, you tip-toed quietly, hoping to give him a good scare before asking for company. As you reached the bay door, you barely catch the glimpse of his legs. You stepped closer when you heard soft sighs, almost sounding like moans. You freeze as your eyes adjust to the low light, taking in the full sight before you. Cassian’s hand strokes over his cock, thumb swiping over the tip after every few pumps. His hair covered his eyes, the bottom of his shirt tugged between his teeth, and his stomach was flexing and shuddering with every pleased noise that left him. Beautiful doesn’t even begin to describe him and his allure; enjoying himself thoroughly and basking in it. You knew you should have left but you couldn’t tear your eyes away as your feelings swelled into your chest. 

“Like what you see?” he grins lustfully, head tilting back as his eyes settled on yours; a low whine leaving him as he pumped himself slower. Your heart drummed in your chest, completely enraptured by how unfazed he was that you caught him like this. 

It’s an absolute turn-on. 

“Maybe,” you answer flatly to which he chuckled and you hoped he didn’t see your jaw clench and the sharp intake of air that followed after. Heat spreads through you as you watch him continue to please himself and it knots your stomach. Through the little light, you see the cocky little grin on his lips and you try to keep calm.

“I didn’t expect you to be visiting this late; couldn’t sleep?” there’s a small side of genuine concern in his voice along with something akin to excitement. 

“I was feeling bored.”

“Well if that’s the case,” he looks over his lips, eyes staring fiercely into your own, “wanna join?” the offer strings a soft ‘fuck’ from you, that Cass seems to soak up; stroking himself faster as he rested back against the wall. 

There was no resisting. 

Hastily you kick off you own boots, ripping your jacket off as you made your way to him. As soon as you were in reach, he grabbed you, pulling you to his lap. You can feel his cock press against your thigh, a small groan leaving him as he kisses you greedily; tongue sweeping the inside of your mouth, drawing out all your hunger. Fingers digging into his shirt, he kisses you like he’s been craving nothing but your moans. 

It’s hard not to stop till your lungs are burning and he strips you of your shirt and then his own. Brushing his lips over your newly exposed skin, he works your belt off of you, tossing it with the pile of clothes. You stand up a bit, leaning over him as he tugs down your pants and underwear slowly; leaving little bites over the ‘v’ of your hips and your lower stomach. He brings you back to him, and your knees press into the cool metal; he cups you and kisses you again. 

“Wet already?” he murmurs against your lips, stroking over your folds. 

“Cassian, don’t you dare even start,” you whimper, nipping his neck as you rock gently against his fingers. 

“Start what?” he teases, brushing the pad of his middle finger against your clit, causing you to shudder. He nips and kisses the corner of your mouth as you struggle to recover your breath. 

“You know what I mean.”

“Do you want my fingers,” he palms over your cunt, taunting you with one of his long fingers, “or would you prefer my cock?” he takes himself in hand, tapping it against you heat. 

“Your cock, please,” you sputter out all too fast, shaking as you rest your head on your shoulder.

“That eager huh?” he jabs and your response dies in your throat as he slides into you; pushing your hips down so he bottoms out. Moans leave from both of your mouths’ and Cassian presses his forehead to yours, murmuring in a language you had only heard once from him before. He never told you what he said or what it was but you knew it came from someplace of trust and for that, you were grateful– content. 

This time it leaves you feeling dizzy.

His warm breath fans over your face as you adjust to him and slowly you lift yourself halfway up over his cock before dropping down slowly. His hands aide you as you set a steady pace for yourself, enjoying the stretch of him. He can’t keep his own hips still, meeting you with sharp thrusts but not enough to knock you off your rhythm. It’s intoxicating, the soothing sounds of night along with your shared moans and kisses that roamed rampant over any part within reach. His hands take moments, mapping over your back and taking you all in, as you do with him, watching the way his chest rises and falls. You can’t focus on anything because everything feels too good, too gratifying–  too perfect– you easily  lose yourself in the feeling of him.

“I love the way you look when I’m inside you,” he growls softly against your throat. His voice and the scratch of his beard makes you want to whine but you bite back the noise. He bucks his hips faster and you throw your head back, muffled cries building in your chest. 

“Don’t hold back, let me hear you,” he expresses his desire, following it up with a sharp thrust; knocking the air out of you. You cry his name, whines, and whimpers spilling out of you as he takes control of your hips, moving you over his cock. 

“That’s it sweetheart.” the soft praise makes your toes curl.

“Please keep talking,” you plead, wrapping your arms around his neck, “I’m so close,” your hips rock on their own, the pleasure inside of you nearly bursting at the seams.

“You like it when I talk like this?” he coos in that same sweet tone; driving his cock deeper inside of you.

“Cassian, fuck— stop being a fucking tease.”

“No can do sweetheart— not when I know how excited you get from it,” he boasts and your hips can’t help but rock into his words. Your whimpers are left against his cheek as your body moves instinctively, trying to reach its peak– but it wasn’t enough. Pitifully you whine, rolling your hips faster but to no avail. 

“Keep going, you’re doing so good for me,” his voice was music to your ears, as your cries picked up again and your stomach tightened. Desperately you tried to meet his thrusts, determined and eager for your release. 

“Right there, baby,” the encouragement spurred you more, ignoring the slight ache in your thighs, “want me to fill you up?” his words were almost lost in the wet smack of his hips and your own jumbled noises before anything coherent left your mouth. 

“Yes.”

“Then come for me.” those simple directions were all it took for you to clamp over his cock; coming hard with the cry of his name. He fucked you through the beginning of your orgasm until his came along and he moaned into your chest. He tugged you to his chest as he relaxed back, keeping his movements to a minimum as you both caught your breaths; the mess between you felt extraordinary. His hands map over your back, rubbing soft circles over it as he pressed soft kisses to your forehead. When they stopped, his nose presses against your head, and you peer up to see his usual smartass smile. 

“Still bored?” 

“Fuck off, Cassian,” you huff, playfully smacking his shoulder; his chuckles echo softly as he holds you tight. 

[whatislovevavy]

II. Dogfight Football and Pool Tables

Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin x afab!pilot!reader 

Word Count: 5.7k

Series Summary: Mustang and Hangman have had sexual tension since the night they met at the Hard Deck at the start of a high-risk assignment. Each interaction further solidifies your callsign in the best ways. 

Warnings: 

Series overall: Sexual tension, swearing, smitten and sexually frustrated Hangman, swearing, and mildly insecure and shy reader, smut; p in v, oral (fem + male) receiving, dirty talk, dom!Jake, hint of sub!Jake

Author’s note: Hopefully you guys liked part I :) I did my best to make the reader’s physical attributes as ambiguous as possible when it came to descriptions to make it more inclusive to the reader. I want to get better at this so please feel free to leave constructive criticism or something you thought was strong or weak with the piece. Please be kind with criticisms. I'm sensitive. I’d like to thank @call-sign-jinx and @sebsxphia for betaing (?) each part of this fic, they’re both really sweet and write some good shit on their blogs, so be sure to check them out :)

I will be going through my followers and accounts that leave notes, especially on parts of this story that has smut, and if the blog doesn’t have an age on it, the blog will be blocked. 

All of my writings will be added to my writing side blog @sophs-writing-nook 

Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!

These characters, except for Mustang, are obviously not my own. This is an 18+ fanfic so minors scoot pls. You are responsible for the media you consume. Do not copy, plagiarize, repost, or translate this fic without my explicit permission as it is my own creation. 

Happy reading :)

—

Jake couldn’t help but listen to your voice through the radio every time he sat with his teammates in the lounge waiting for his turn in the sky. You cared so much about everyone, both in and out of the cockpit; always checking in, encouraging others on the team, and exchanging playful quips. And it didn’t help that you were one of the best pilots he’d seen, but he wouldn’t admit that out loud. If he had to pick anyone flying a single seater that was a serious contender for team leader, it was you. The plane was merely an extension of your own body when you were in the sky, coming the closest of the group to getting Maverick out on the first day. 

Sure, you and Jake bickered, and he did everything in his power to rile you up and get under your nerves, but that was the only real contact he got. 

You had started to rub off on him, enough for Coyote to notice. Jake made him promise he wouldn’t tell a soul, as he was incessantly mocked and teased when he returned to his dorm at the end of the day. 

Hangman found himself perfectly tuned into anything that related to you in conversations; all info immediately became engraved in his memory. Whether it was stories about growing up with wild horses and the feisty blue roan mustang mare you trained during your teen years, Sweet Girl, whom you loved endlessly; or the time you accidentally flashed everyone at a Maryland beach when you were 23; or even the fact you didn’t like ketchup because it was too sweet and that your all-time favorite songs were by Fleetwood Mac and John Denver, but your favorite farm chore songs were by Doja Cat, Nicki Minaj, and Megan thee Stallion; starting as a form of rebellion against your parents but growing into adoration. 

All the little things that made up who you were.  

He secretly cherished the moments he got to see you and hear your soft voice, and found himself missing your signature lavender scent and close proximity when you were gone. 

Hangman would never admit to being jealous, but he was a bit jealous: he didn’t get to do more with you than just teasing and verbal jabs, and while it was fun riling you up, a deep part of him that he was still trying to comprehend wanted to get to know you on a more personal level. 

He fantasized for something like the night you met to happen again; he hadn’t come close to witnessing what he got a taste of that first evening. No matter his jabs or nicknames that secretly started to grow on you.  

Of course, a deep part of him enjoyed this chase but a part of him wanted to finally lay claim to your heart. 

His episode with Rooster the day before hadn't helped to ease such tensions and the confrontation only soured his shared glances with Mustang. Jake understood why the glances had soured, but frankly, he didn’t know why he did it.  Maybe it had to do with being jealous of the sweet attention you gave Rooster and that he’d never had to put this much effort into being with a woman. 

That early evening when Rooster opened his front door, he didn’t see Hangman standing before him. A completely different person must have been standing at his door with matching green eyes and tanned skin, wearing a look of remorse that he would never associate with Hangman. Rooster initially wanted to slam the door in his face and go back to bed, but the way Jake’s eyes held something so foreign to his character tugged at his brain to hear him out.

Bradley wasn’t blind, he saw the way Jake looked at you when you weren’t looking and even when you were with him and Natasha. He saw the subtle differences in his demeanor when you were around and how you affected him, making him more tolerable without even realizing it.

He silently realized that what stood before him was your unintentional doing, as Jake stood there and owned up to what had been said. 

Bradshaw accepted his apology, closing the door as Jake left. He shook his head, quietly laughing to himself that someone who had only known Jake for 3 weeks was the only person he knew who had made Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin genuinely apologize. He couldn’t wait to tell Phoenix.

—

Maverick had told them to meet on the beach behind the Hard Deck at 9 am sharp for dogfight football.

Tensions were high. No one had successfully completed the mission training parameters, and the set date was a mere week away.

As the game started, you were a bit hesitant to show your competitive side. Maybe it was because you liked seeing people underestimate you and proving them wrong at the 'perfect moment'. You spent your whole life doing that, so it was only natural you took joy in it. Your competitive spirit was something akin to a secret weapon; to be used with full force to deal lethal damage.

Once you let it out around the whole group, it wasn't going back into hiding anytime soon. Rooster and Phoenix were well aware as they knew you from previous stations, and Bob had heard stories, but the rest were left with only recollections. Encouragements from Phoenix got you to bring it out in small doses and cheers from your teammates let it flow in full force. And maybe also the prospect of giving Hangman a run for his money contributed its fair share.

Under the scorching San Diego sun, Jake “Hangman” Seresin truly understood your callsign. Mustang. It encapsulated who you were to the core into an eight-letter word that made some none the wiser, himself included.

He felt something foreign bloom deep in his soul at the realization. Your presence invaded his senses and struck a chord deep inside him. You looked beautiful, free, wild, and completely forged by the land you occupied: The Navy. Your eyes were sharp, full of excitement, adrenaline, and pure competitive determination. Hair that was coming loose from your ponytail, revealing bangs that framed your face beautifully. Skin gleaming in the San Diego sun, chest heaving from exertion, sweat misting your collarbones, cleavage, and gliding down your stomach and thighs. 

A complete 180° from your shy, flustered demeanor the moment you had met eyes. 

If someone didn't know you worked with wild horses as a teenager, they wouldn't believe you did. You were a force to be reckoned with and he found himself more addicted to that realization by the second. A navy blue sports bra framed your chest tastefully. He tried not to divert his attention from the game to your beautiful breasts for too long. He needed to prevent drawing suspicion from his ever-observant teammates and developing a precarious situation in his lower half that only the frigid San Diego waters could cure. His Ray-Bans helped to hide where his gaze landed on the opposing team, but it wasn't foolproof.

The shrill sound of a whistle broke him away from his thoughts. Commands and playful taunts were being thrown back and forth. Payback passed the football to Harvard who made his way down the makeshift field of Maverick's exercise. Hangman ran the opposite side of him to provide an opening in case Phoenix or Rooster shut him down. Harvard got cornered and passed the football to him. It felt like slow motion, he felt the football graze his fingertips but was snatched away by a smaller frame before he could fully grasp it. He heard the distinct whoops and cheers of Rooster and Phoenix as you made your way down the beach to score a touchdown. You were unstoppable. No one could touch you. You were like a wild stallion swallowing the land beneath you, feet thundering in the wet sand, hair blowing wildly in the ocean breeze. It was unfair for someone to look as beautiful and free as you did at the moment. You made it to the end zone with a sliding stop and did a shoulder shimmy with your tongue stuck out with a full-blown smile. If he hadn’t developed a hard-on before, he was starting to now. You confidently made your way back to your team, met with cheers and high fives. He was frozen in the sand near the opposite end zone. From the moment you stole the ball to your full-blown smile; he was still, staring at her. He knew he could have chased after you and tackled you but didn't. He would get shit for it. 

"Bagman, you getting soft?", Harvard teased him.

"In your dreams", Hangman bit back, tinged with his Texan drawl. His defensiveness gave him away but Harvard didn't dare push him. Hangman had a reputation to keep up. Of being untouchable, the best of the best, and, most importantly, that he didn't need anyone to help him get the job done. He left Harvard and confidently strutted back to his position in the lineup at the start of the next round. His thoughts were tinged with a mild sense of worry; if Harvard noticed his state then the others may have as well. This was the last round. His team was down by 1 point. He needed to get his head together.

He watched you line up behind Phoenix. "You ready Mustang?", Phoenix called.

"You know it, Phe"

"You're not gonna get through us so easily this time, Mustang", Hangman taunted.

"Don't worry Ken-doll, I'm not too worried about you. If it's anything like how you've been playing lately, I should be fine ", shooting him a wink.

Your remark was met with “oohs”, sizzling noises, and Rooster asking if he was gonna take that.

Hangman's jaw tensed and his face wore a smirk, "Whatever Mustang, put your money where your mouth is, and let's get this round started" he shot back. He mentally kicked himself for not coming back with a better comeback, but he wasn't used to seeing this side of her.

Hondo blew the whistle and with expert precision, the ball was passed into your awaiting hands. Pushing yourself against the receding sand into a sprint, your bright eyes watching for an open teammate. You were about to pass to Halo when you felt a pair of large, strong hands grasp your waist and tackle you to the beach. You fell down with a groan and weight on top of you. The face of your tackler obscured by the sun, you squinted your eyes. You were met with a pair of green eyes and a soft, muscular body on top of her. Hangman. Your cheeks and neck started to heat up and prayed he wouldn't notice and be disguised by the heat. You still had the football in your grasp so it didn't count as a turnover. You could still win the game. Why hadn't he done anything? He could have easily grabbed the ball and run with it; instead, he just stared at you. Anyone would admit, he was easy on the eyes: strong jaw, sun-kissed skin, sun-bleached sandy blond hair, washboard abs, and the most beautiful green eyes you'd ever seen. It’d be a lie to say you hadn’t thought about him in the depths of the night alone in your room on base. You felt the initial feelings of nerves you experienced start to develop but quickly extinguished it. You let yourself admire him in his state of undress for a moment, but you had a game to win. You weren't going to let some Texan stud who hit on you ruin this for you, you were raised better than that. Besides, you hadn't found yourself being this competitive in a while and were enjoying the rush it gave you.

Instinctively, you swiveled your hips and turned Hangman on his back. He looked breathless, eyes darkening under the shadow of you, as he let out an audible shaky breath. You quickly rose up off his abdomen and started sprinting, football held tightly to your chest. Hangman was still in the sand scrambling to get up and hide his developing problem, by the time you were close to the end zone with Fanboy and Harvard hot on your tail. You held them off and made the winning score. Your face was marked by the same victorious smile Hangman couldn't get enough of as cheers and whoops left your soft lips. You were met with high fives and let out a yelp as you were lifted onto rooster’s shoulders as your teammates chanted your name, all while Hangman was met with hushed chuckles from those who saw Mustang's hip swivel move and a "what the fuck was that Hang?" Great. 

What was wrong with him? He'd never let someone get in his head, much less twice in a period of 5 minutes. 

As the effect of the victory died down, his teammates, including Mustang, headed into the hard deck for refreshments, he overlooked Phoenix and Rooster talking to each other in hushed whispers and sneaking glances at him every few minutes with mischievous smirks on their faces.

"Bagman, you seemed off your game today. The fact that you're not the best at everything getting to you?" Phoenix taunted as she made her way over and crossed her arms across her chest.

Hangman flipped her off and rolled his eyes, "the damn sun was in my eyes"

"Oh, was the sun in your eyes when you were on top of Mustang? Or when you were eye fucking her during the lineup, where the sun was behind you?"

She stated with an amused expression and widening smirk, having unexpectedly exposed him to anyone close enough to hear their conversation. Rooster joined the two, hearing the end of the interaction, "she's got you there Bagman", wearing a smirk and amused gleam in his eyes.

Hangman composed himself, "I wasn't eye fucking her, I was merely...inspectin' the competition,” shrugging, clearing his throat.

Phoenix and Rooster let out snorts and amused chuckles.

"That's such bullshit man and you know it, anyone with eyes could see what you were doing".

“It’s true”, Coyote added as he passed by with a knowing look in his eyes, patting him reassuringly on the shoulder.

"Ya know what? Fuck you guys, I don't have to explain myself to y'all", agitated, Hangman bit back before grabbing his stuff and storming away to the Hard Deck.

He could hear their chuckles and “damn, he has it bad. Wait till he sees her play pool" comments but didn't dare turn around. He tried his damnedest to keep up his facade of complete confidence and indifference towards you, swaggering into the Hard Deck.

He was met with a wave of refreshing AC and an empty bar. Not surprising since it was well before happy hour, but odd since he didn't spot any of his teammates that migrated in. He called out for Penny; no answer. His teammates didn't respond either. He was about to leave when he heard a back door creak. You came out, occupied by your phone, sporting a low-cut rodeo t-shirt and blue jean shorts. You looked around for Halo that promised to wait for you but were only met by Hangman's appreciative gaze. You were taken aback but recovered with a smile and small wave. He returned the favor. 

"Do you know where the others went? I was supposed to catch a ride with Halo back to base".

"You know I didn't see anybody come in. I can give you a ride home if that's what you need sweetheart," giving you the same panty-dropper grin that ensnared you the moment you’d met. This had only been the second time in 2 weeks he could get some real alone time with you, and he wasn't going to waste a second.

You blushed at his endearment, "If it wouldn't be too much trouble, Jake...."

He loved it when you called him Jake. It was a first; he wanted more of it.

"Anytime darling, I'd always be eager to satisfy your needs," he said with a wink, "but first, I wanna experience that pool game of yours," He said turning towards the pool table area and sporting a wolfish grin. 

You felt like you were going to melt into a puddle on the Hard Deck floor, watching his toned arms flex as he took down two pool sticks.

He turned back to you, basking in the effect he still had on you. You had serious game and he wanted to pull that out of you, just for his eyes to see this time.

"Don't get shy on me now, sweets, you had some pretty serious game out there today" he said while leaning on the pool table, attention occupied with polishing both pool sticks with chalk.

You spent an embarrassing amount of time admiring his golden, nimble, strong fingers working the chalk cube over the thin tip. He could have broken it off if he wanted to. You wanted him to use his fingers in more fulfilling ways.

He met your glazed-over eyes and gave the same panty-dropper smile he always had at the realization of where your attention was focused. It was the same one he gave you the night you met him and across the room during training debriefs. Rooster and Phoenix observed these moments and were able to put two and two together. You were teased incessantly, but also warned of his whorish ways by the pair during their hangouts in the dorm you shared with Phoenix.  

You quickly diverted your attention back to him and made your way to the pool table, reaching out to grasp the pool stick, grazing your fingers against his in the process. You met his playful, mirth-filled eyes and shifted your focus to racking up the pool balls. You knew you wouldn't be able to handle watching his dexterous fingers work anymore and needed a small outlet for your pent-up nervous energy and simmering sexual frustration. 

Your bent frame over the pool table gave Jake the perfect view of your jean shorts riding up and revealing the tasteful curve of your ass. You heard him let out a low hitch in his breath, smirking to yourself. You were starting to gain back your composure, turning the heat up on the brewing competitiveness inside yourself. You were good at pool, winning some tournaments around your hometown. You even beat Coyote, Payback, and Phoenix once. Your dad and older brother taught you the game, as well as to never let emotions get in the way of winning, but that was proving difficult to follow. 

He saw a distinguishable shift in your demeanor as you asked if he wanted to go first.

"Ladies first", admiring your reignited confidence.

You lined up the starting shot, feeling his watchful eyes on you. With a resounding clang, the balls were scattered. 3 solids into 3 pockets at the opposite end. You rose to your full posture with a small smile.

"Your turn Bagman".

Jake was pretty sure he fell in love at that moment. There you were; as clear a difference as Jekyll from Hyde.

He approached where you were at the table, " that's Hangman or Jake to you, princess". His tone was low, hearing your breath hitch at the new endearment, making eye contact with you as he shot 2 stripes in. Smirking, he rose up and lined up his next shot, proud of each little hitched breath or blush he pulled from you.  He made a bolded and underlined mental note to call you “princess” in these moments more often. 

You were settled right across from him, directly in his line of sight. You leaned down giving him a tasteful glimpse of your cleavage as you watched his strong arms carry out his concentration. 

His olive green eyes met yours, hiding lust in their depths as they trailed down to your chest, a black lacy trim peaking through. 

"Ya know maybe your right, I should find something else to call you. Especially since ‘Bagman’ would be more fitting if you actually helped your team win today, maybe with bagging a point or even a touchdown." You said with a playful gleam in your eye.

Your statement and teasing met his senses the moment he pushed the rod forward. His trajectory off, failing to pocket a stripped ball.

He rose up, jaw tense, and met with a smirk. You were playing with him, taunting him like a wild stallion with a green ranch hand. 

"Yeah well, sweets, I was a little distracted, so hopefully you can find it in your heart to forgive me, the sun being in my eyes and all."

"Mhm, definitely the sun's fault. Was it the sun's fault when you were on top of me?", you said as you lined up your shot. 1 solid into a pocket, 4 more left.

You leaned against your pool stick, holding back a laugh at his speechless face. Hangman speechless? That was a sight.

"Well, darling... you see...", he tried to muster the words, much to your amusement. Clearly, you were keen on observing him. 

"It's ok, you could say the sun was in my eyes too", you interrupted coquettishly as you raked your eyes up his frame, admiring his physique in his tight-fitting athletic shirt.

" I don't mind being admired by beautiful women, especially women who can go toe to toe with me", he said smirking, trying to regain some semblance of control as he watched you line up and sink your 3rd hit of the afternoon.

Heat rose to your cheeks, remembering his forwardness the first night they met and his face when you swiveled your hips to get on top of him. You only had 3 balls left.

“It seems like you just have a thing for women who can beat you. You ever think that you just might have a competency kink?” you asked amusedly, eyes still purposely preoccupied with your shot. 

He smirked, he just fucking might, admiring the way your muscular back arched to line up your shot, your eyes sharp, and full of determination. 

“Ya know I'm not gonna lie, sweetheart, that little move you did back there was something else... In fact, everything about you since we met has been something else," he said moving to your side of the pool table. He invaded your personal space in the best way, leaning next to you against the polished wood of the worn pool table.

"It got me thinking about what other kinds of riding you might enjoy", his hushed drawl dripping like honey into your ear. It didn't make your aim any cleaner and you missed your 4th shot of the evening, sending him a scowl to disguise your less-than-pure thoughts. 

God, you would let him do horrible things to your body in front of your conservative Christian parents if he asked.

"What? don't like it when someone plays dirty princess?" He said with eyebrows raised in a patronizing tone that made you shiver and clench your thighs to relieve the bubbling heat that settled in your abdomen. You needed to compose yourself if you were going to win this, but your resolve was dwindling by the second.

"Well, sweetheart, it seems like you don't mind either," you said in a last-ditch effort to regain the upper hand, running your pointer finger along his defined pectorals. 

He let out a hitched breath he didn't know he was holding. You were going to be the death of him. One second he was in control and the next he was below you, right where you wanted him. You were wild in that sense and he loved this back-and-forth chase for dominance. At this moment, he would let you do whatever you wanted to him; he could definitely get used to it. 

You looked at him through your lashes innocently with mischievous eyes and a playful smile, your hand retracted and now fully leaning with your arms crossed across your chest, further accentuating your tits to his wanton gaze. 

You liked seeing him all hot and bothered, he clearly wasn’t used to it. 

He leaned down to your ear, his Texan drawl low and gravelly with arousal, "you're playing a very dangerous game, darlin'."

"You seem to have forgotten that I'm good at playing games…and winning them," you said with a tight-lipped smile, winking at him, turning away to go to the other side, "it's your turn by the way.”

God, he wanted to do filthy things to you on top of the pool table. But he wanted you to crack first, give you the final push towards passion. 

He cleared his throat, trying to compose himself. Lining up his shot, feeling the weight of your lustful gaze, his eyes met yours. Eyes filled with mirth as lust bubbled below the surface, a small cat-got-the-cream smirk adorning your face. 

The last thread of his resolve snapped.

Rising to his full height from the table, he placed the pool stick on the table. He gradually invaded your personal space, caging you between his hard chest and the wooden frame of the table nudging into your lower back, with his weight supported by strong, toned arms on each side of you. Their faces a mere few inches away from each other, his hand reaching up to caress your soft cheek. The feeling of his rough hands on your skin made you shiver, meeting his intense gaze. He waited for any hesitation or unease to show under your eyes but found none. 

His hand cradled the back of your neck and cheek as he claimed your lips with his, stealing any air from your lungs. You let out a small moan at the feel of his soft lips. Your hand gripping the material of his shirt in your fist unconsciously as the other met the short hair at the back of his neck, running over the clipped hair there. Smirking into the kiss, he used the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth, bringing his opposite hand up to hold your other cheek. After a few moments, they pulled apart gasping for air, his hands still encompassing your face, as he leaned his forehead against yours, letting his eyes softly close. An act of softness and intimacy you wouldn’t have expected from him. 

 "I really hope that was alright because I don't think I can recover if it wasn't", he spoke breathlessly.

"It was more than ok, trust me", reassuring him, toying with the chain of his dog tags and feeling the material of his shirt. 

You slid your hands along the chain, feeling the pebbled texture run between your fingers as they traced towards the small metal engraved tags that rested on his warm chest. Once your fingers reached the small pieces of metal, you yanked him back to your lips by the chain. He smiled into the kiss as his hands moved from your face down to your hips, grabbing a handful of your ass. He grabbed the backs of your thighs to wrap around his waist, supporting you on the edge of the table. Your hands moved behind his neck to bring him impossibly closer, continuing to run your hands over the back of his head, savoring the texture of the short hair at the base of his neck.

His large hands grasped your hips, starting to slide under your shirt, feeling your soft skin.

"Is this what you want ?" He asked making his way down your neck, kissing and sucking at the sweet spot at the base of your neck that made you mewl and weave your hands into his hair, leaving a dark blue mark you’d have to worry about later. 

  You nodded eagerly. 

 "I need you to use your words, sweetheart," he said trailing soft kisses up the column of your neck, grazing his teeth on your pulse, and pausing to meet your glazed-over eyes and plush lips. Your fingers still intertwined in the short hair at the base of his neck.

  "I need you so bad, Jake", you mewled. 

He let out a shaky breath at the use of his name and the feeling of you tugging at his roots, quickly and passionately resuming his ministrations.

"Don't worry, sugar, I'll take good care of you...." He said between kisses, trailing them down your flushed neck and the tops of your breasts, hands coming up to play with the lace of your bra.

  “But…”

Your eyes shot open, worry plaguing your eyes like ink in water. 

"As much as I want to absolutely ruin you on this pool table, it wouldn’t be right to damage Penny's only pool table," he gave you a reassuring smile, “and, I don’t know about you, but I want you all to myself for our first time and not worry about anyone catching us.”

You’re core throbbed, a low noise escaping the back of your throat, your chest heaving. First time? Anyone catching us? 

His hands gave your ass a squeeze as his eyes widened a bit at the realization, a sly smile growing on his face, taking in the treasure before him. 

“Sweetheart, I really don’t want this to be a one-time thing,” he said, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to your pulse, “I want to take you out, romance you, meet that pretty mare you got back home, stargaze in the field outside my parents' ranch… “ he smiled into kiss placed behind your ear, “and you seem really into the idea of getting caught,” he licked from the base of your throat to your ear, you shuddered, tugging on his hair, “and I would never be opposed to fulfilling my girl’s needs, no matter the time…Or place”, he said nibbling on your earlobe, smirking into your flushed skin at your breathless whimpers. 

My girl. His endearment and actions made you blush and try to hide a bashful smile by burying your face into his shoulder. No one you could remember had this effect on you, and it scared you just as much as it made you dizzy. 

Jake kissed your temple and looked at you with a hopeful, longing gleam in his eye, a bright genuine smile, his adorable dimples showing through.

Up till now, you assumed this would be a one-time hookup and after two more weeks, you’d never see each other again which disappointed you more than you would care to admit. After all, that was how Hangman seemed to handle all his one-night stands, as you’d heard through the grapevine. But he wanted to take you out? Meet Sweet Girl, your pride and joy back home? See where you called home? Take you to his home? And then he was back to doing sinful things to your body? 

“I would love that,” you said smiling and breathless. 

He beamed at you, showing his pearly whites, and brought his lips to yours again. 

“Fuck, your lips are like candy,” he moaned against your lips. 

You broke the kiss to catch your breath, “Jake, please...”, you mewled with a pout. Your face was flushed, your eyes glassy, and your lips were kiss swollen. You looked perfect; all needy and ready for him.  

A smug grin spread across his face, you were so desperate. It only inflated his ego more.

“Please what? I’m having trouble understanding you”, his smug eyes contrasting his furrowed eyebrows and faux confused expression.

You huffed, tensing your jaw, and rolling your eyes, “Jake-”

“Come on, let me hear it, princess,” he laid kisses along your neck. 

Rolling your eyes, huffing in annoyance, your resolve eroding by each kiss laid to your pulse, “please fuck me, Jake.”

“Atta girl, that wasn’t so hard now was it?” he smirked, “I know you’re desperate sweetheart, but your gonna have to wait till we go somewhere else before I can fuck you properly” He chuckled at the low whine that escaped your throat as you pouted. 

You were absolutely adorable. 

He smirked and kissed your pouted lips, still holding your hips against the pool table with his own, thinking about all the surfaces in his shared dorm he wanted to christen with you.

 “Well….”

He looked at you with piqued interest and raised eyebrows, your eyes filled with a sense of shyness and excitement. 

"There's always the pool table on base… and nobody uses that one anyways" you bashfully smirked, trying to hide a full-blown grin. 

He could have sworn he felt the last drop of blood leave his brain and flow to his dick at your words.

"Fuck, I love the way you think". He said lifting you off the table and leading you to the Hard Deck parking lot to his truck; paying no mind to the absence of their teammates' cars in the parking lot. He opened the door for you before running to the driver's side. He started the ignition as you littered kisses on his neck and reached out to caress his inner thigh, reaching for his cock through his jeans.

"Sweetheart, if we're going to do this, I need to be able to drive us," he said, hissing as you found the sweet spot behind his ear, sucking, biting, and soothing with your tongue, leaving a hickey in its wake. His hands tensed on the gear shift and steering wheel as he felt your hand graze his abdomen and sneak into his jeans, squeezing his bare length. 

"Then what’s stopping you, cowboy." You purred, pausing your assault on his neck and meeting his lust-glazed eyes with a hushed, breathless tone. 

“You need to behave if we’re gonna do this, Sweets”, he groaned feeling your warm hand on his length.

“Or what?”, you challenged. 

Jake grabbed the back of your head, fingers tangling firmly in your hair to bring you mere inches close to his face, “Well, sweetheart… I won’t let you cum and I really don’t think you want our first night together to end like that. It would be such a waste after all your hard work.” His lust-blown eyes were awaiting a challenge, but they were only met with a hitched breath and a low noise from the back of your throat. 

He slammed his lips to yours, slamming on the gas to break multiple traffic laws to get back to base, feeling your hot gaze on him the entire way home. 

___

Taglist: @potato-girl99981​

[rc-writer]

⋆｡‧˚ʚ🍓ɞ˚‧｡⋆

hello!

i used to write on wattpad and had two books, Wicked game & don’t blame me.

i decided to move onto tumblr due to the younger audience i seemed to had formed on wattpad. the books i write and the stuff i write is not suitable for anyone under the age of 18.

i then unpublished all books and have decided to focus on my writing career irl whilst also using this blog to write some rafe stuff or even stuff from the characters of my books.

one day i might publish the books on here.

Rules for this blog:

~ you MUST be over 18 to interact with me or with my blog. any accounts without ages in bio WILL be blocked.

~ any homophobia, transphobia, racism or discrimination of any kind will not be tolerated and you will be blocked and reported.

~ i do take requests but will not write anything containing the following;

• ageplay

• reader calling rafe daddy or acting naive and ‘childlike’

• p!sskink stuff

• step!cest

there definitely is more and i will add as the requests go on.

here’s a little about me! :)

hi! i’m tilly :)

i’ve been writing rafe off and on since the start of 2023.

i’m 21 and love writing !!!

i am also a virgo (if any of you astro girls care)

there’s not much else to say as i’m trying to stay really anon but i’d love to get to know you guys!

feel free to send me some asks :)

thanks <33

[bobby-r2d2-floyd]

bobby-r2d2-floyd's masterlist

who i write for: anyone in top gun, marvel, and rhett abbott.

request or drop your thoughts here :)

you can read a little about me here

IMPORTANT: this is an 18+ blog! i write and repost NSFW content. if you are: UNDER THE AGE OF 18, HAVE NO AGE IN YOUR BIO, OR ARE A BLANK ACCOUNT YOU WILL BE BLOCKED FROM SEEING MY CONTENT.

also i feel like this should go without saying, but i do not consent to any of my work being republished on any other platform (ao3, ff.net, wattpad) and i do NOT consent to my work being AI completed, since apparently thats a thing now too.

TOP GUN

bradley 'rooster' bradshaw

never there

jake 'hangman' seresin

the nanny part two part three part four

bob floyd

never there part 2

behind the glass part one

OUTER RANGE

rhett abbott

life goes on

back in town

C O L L A B O R A T I O N S

jake 'hangman' seresin

three's a crowd, unless it's you (18+ MINORS DNI)

collaboration with @cassiemitchell

bradley 'rooster' bradshaw

three's a crowd, unless it's you (18+ MINORS DNI)

collaboration with @cassiemitchell

if you would like to be added to my taglist, either for the nanny or for any of the other people that i write for let me know!