#but suddenly don't know if they can trust literally anyone else around them because- what if it's all just lies

[nexus-nebulae]

i really really wanna write a story at some point that starts out as one of those cliche YA novels where a normal human character finds out about an entire magic world they didn't know about- except the character is some form of mentally ill with paranoia and delusions, so the story revolves around how much more difficult it becomes for this person to percieve the world while also dealing with whatever Magic Bullshit is being thrown at them

[pumpkinhimiko]

"Mistranslations" that are not mistranslations

Now with an additional part 2.

NISA has made plenty of mistakes while translating the Danganronpa series (and I've complained about them before), and so they have a reputation of being untrustworthy. But because of this reputation, I feel like fans are too quick to trust whatever anyone that isn't NISA states as absolute fact. So, I want to examine some instances of fan translators claiming NISA has mistranslated something, when, no, actually, they didn't.

Kokichi's last words

人にやらされるゲームなんて…楽しい訳あるかよ… A game you're forced to play... how could that be fun...

This is probably the most widespread myth in terms of "mistranslations that aren't", with the original post that makes this claim having over 2k notes: that Kokichi in the original Japanese actually says, "How could a game where you're forced to kill people be fun...?" Unfortunately, it's just not true. Fortunately for me, there's a reddit post here that breaks the line down in detail, so I don't have to do any work.

Anyway, I really wanted to make this post because of this thread, which makes several false claims.

 Kokichi says he's afraid of friends in general

オレは、そういう『仲間』が他人よりも怖いけどねー。I'm more afraid of those kinds of [friends] than strangers.

So... souiu, meaning that type of/that kind of is right there, directly before nakama (which can mean friend, especially if it's in a shounen anime, but can also just mean companion/member of a group). I don't understand how you can miss this. Not only is it right there, this claim on its face doesn't make sense. Why, in this context, would Kokichi suddenly blurt out that he's afraid of having friends? It has nothing to do with the conversation they're having.

Shuichi's words to Kokichi after the 4th trial

王馬くん、もういいだろ ? Ouma-kun, isn't this enough? その話を聞かせてくれよ。Tell us about that.

Okay, you've probably heard the phrase mou ii a lot if you watch anime, and it's almost always accompanied by a frustrated huff. Because it is, in fact, something you say when impatient, fed up, what have you. It literally means "good already", carrying pretty much the identical meaning of the English phrase, "that's enough" or "I've had enough". Shuichi does not say it's okay as in it's daijoubu, which is the word you use when trying to comfort someone. He is very much frustrated here and telling Kokichi to fess up.

Citation needed

I couldn't find a line like this in Kokichi's FTEs, but maaaaaaaybe I missed it? Shuichi's narration comments quite a few times on Kokichi acting childishly throughout the game, but I couldn't find anything like this in specific.

EDIT: Correction, I did find it, and it's covered in part two. Suffice to say, the OP got this line completely wrong.

That Kaito thing

Yeah this is patently false. It's also already been touched on in this thread with comments backing it up, so there’s another thing I don't have to get into. I'll put the text here though.

オレはテメーみて一に胸クソ悪い真似までして、If I have to mimic your sickening behavior, 生き残りて一とは思わねーんだよ。I don't think I want to survive.

Shuichi's words to Kokichi after the 4th trial part deaux

I've seen varying claims on how these lines were translated, from them being slightly tweaked, to the claim they were completely butchered to make Saihara too aggressive. I'm just going to leave it here and let you come to your own conclusions.

ダサいのはキミの方だよ…王馬くん。The lame one is you... Ouma-kun.

百田くんの周りにはいつも人が集まってくる… Momota-kun always has people around him... でも、キミの周りには誰もいないじゃないか。But, there's no one around you.

キミは…その程度のヤツって事だよ。That's... what kind of person you are.

This is snappy in its own way, though, if you consider that 程度 is closer to meaning grade/level/degree rather than simply "type of". "That's the level of person you are," basically.

And if you doubt me on any of this, I encourage you to do your own research, get second opinions if you can. I know not everyone knows Japanese, in which case you can't really help but rely on someone else and hope their translation is accurate. That said, at the bare minimum, I think people should provide screenshots and the original Japanese text if they're going to claim something is a mistranslation. Like, I don't think you should be able to say "actually in Japanese Kokichi says he volunteers at animal shelters in his free time but NISA cut it!" and have half the fandom believe you with no proof.

[klm-zoflorr]

Now let's talk about Georgie in the superheroes AU! And wtgfs, and jongeorgie. Strap on!

I was just thinking, since I like her a lot and and her whole shtick in canon is to not feel fear (=not be influenced at all by them) but mostly that I like her a lot and I want her to have nice things, why not give her the ability to temprorarily erase other's powers? Like... Well let's not lie there are literally SO many people with that set of powers in media. Rogue, Alexia Tarabotti, Leech the mutant, Eraserhead, Amon, Number Seven,... Buncha cool people basically.

So, extremely powerful. But since she's Georgie... She doesn't want anything to do with that superhero business. Not at all. Nope. Categorically not. Forever civilian. That also means that while she has one of the strongest powers, she is entirely untrained in hand-to-hand combat and is actually kinda weak against anyone/villain/supe who doesn't rely overly on their powers or has like. A weapon.

Also the irony that the only person that might have a shot at taking down Dr. Magnus/The Watchman, the only person he fears (probably) has dated both of his ex-teammates is... not lost on me. I think it's kinda funny! So is the fact Georgie could take him down if she wanted but doesn't because she doesn't want to get involved, period.

Since she won't be doing much actual fighting, I dare think I'm allowed to give her very few drawbacks to her powers. So like, there will be someone else in the AU who can "steal" powers with a touch, I think (this really is one of my fav powers to give out, uh) (suggestions?) but for Georgie it's just. Area effect. She activates it and suddenly everyone in a certain distance of her can't do shit no more. It does tire her though. I'm thinking if she trained she could expand her "area of effect", control the distance she wants better, and work it for longer? But she's not interested in any of that. So!

Or maybe it's only one person at a time. Mmmh. But I also don't really need to give her limitations, so. We'll see, depending on what the plot requires when I actually get around to thinking about that particular can of worms.

Nowadays, she is dating Melanie, obviously. There's a certain poetry in knowing your partner is the only one that makes you vulnerable, the only one who could kill you if you asked. I think Melanie equal parts fears and respects her for it. It's a bit of danger in her life that she loves because adrenaline junkie but also she doesn't wholly trust Georgie even though she has no reason not to. It's... She's got complex feelings about this, man.

She used to be dating Jon, which went about the same as in canon I suppose. There's an added layer there though, with Georgie being the only one capable of giving Jon a reprieve, of sorts, from feeling/being harrassed by all the emotions of people around him. Did I say already that's something he struggles with a lot? He really does. He's having a terrible time. Puppy just wants a break from it all. And Georgie could give him that! And quite happily too. Although not all the time. Jon used to feel quite awful about it though, like he was using her for her powers. He questionned more than once if he was only with her because of what she could do for him. He wasn't, he truly loved her, but yknow. Jon's gonna Jon.

Georgie has complex feelings about her powers not being treated as a curse that removes people's abilities for once but instead a blessing with Jon. She has complex feelings about making Melanie human, about holding so much power over her life. Yadda yadda yadda, I'm sure you can imagine what all those feelings are.

[invaderhogtwopointohno]

Wind Breaker and Trauma

Hey, you should go watch Wind Breaker right the fuck now because I have not seen a slice-of-life anime that has done such a good job depicting what it is like to live and deal with ongoing trauma in such a beautiful way. Just for context:

Our main character naturally has two different eye colors and that is actually his natural hair. His parents constantly told him to dye his hair to make him look like a "normal person" and everyone he ever met judged him based solely on his hair and eye color. While this kind of look stands out in anime, the story actually does a great job of weaponizing his differences to make him a piraha.

Because he was a young impressionable boy, he started fighting because he didn't know how to deal with his ongoing and continuous verbal and emotional abuse from just about everyone he had ever met. Sakura spends his entire life literally just fighting everyone he meets and he values strength of a person above all else because he considers that the only trait worth noting in a person. This is deeply rooted in his inability to form any kind of positive human connections with everyone and he genuinely doesn't trust or bond with anyone he meets.

So he heads to an infamous high school that is known for its fighting and decides that he wants to be the top dog there because he can only value his own self-worth through the use of violence. But when he gets there, he finds out that the town is actually protected by the kids of the school- the leader of the school has turned the entire neighborhood around and the people love them, they are revered as heroes and protect the citizens. Without even knowing that, he ends up protecting a woman who is getting harassed by a group of guys and even gets stabbed defending her. When she shows that she is grateful and actually provides him with a meal- he is genuinely confused. He doesn't understand why she isn't shunning him like everyone he has ever known. And it turns out the entire town is like this, they think that he is a good kid and he helps out the neighborhood but he has such deep seeded trust issues that he is confused by actual kindess.

He even meets other kids that he keeps at arms length because he is so certain based off of the abuse that he has suffered his entire life applies to everyone he meets. Which is ironic and the show calls him out for this train of thought as being exactly the kind of thinking that the people who mistreated him had.

It so well done and his issues don't just go away overnight because he suddenly is shown kindness- he is still suffering from his trauma and has issues with trust and actually forming real genuine friendships with people, which I really like because the anime isn't pretending that his deep trauma is going to be magically cured because he forms a few relationships with people. The real story is about his fight to the be the best- but what does that mean exactly? What does he actually want? The show does a fantastic job of exploring that. Please watch it, it is so good

[lemonxlimee]

Do You ship leafy x evil leafy?

Alright this is a complicated one to answer

Ahem

It depends on how you define "ship." They have a relationship but it's not romantic. Someone with a weaker vocabulary might call it queerplatonic but I think it's even more than that. In the most simple explanation, they belong to each other, like yin and yang, not the characters but sure that's a good comparison to make.

They won't function well if they're apart for too long because they literally complete each other. There can't be evil leafy without leafy and there can't be leafy without evil leafy. There can't be evil without good and there can't be good without evil. You know, the whole thing.

I like to think Leafy would "soften the blow" so to speak of Evil Leafy. Without the tooth-rotting goodness of Leafy to balance it out, EL would be a menace — like she is in canon bfdia. Similarly, EL softens the blow of Leafy. Leafy is (obviously) a bit of a. Nice Girl. Unfortunately (as portrayed in many fan works including my own and some of my favourite fanfictions) that comes with Downsides. EL is there to help her out with that.

I also like to think EL is part of Leafy, in a way. You could call it plurality, and that's kind of how I like to think of it, but maybe a better word to describe it would be like a spiritual connection. Imagine the coinpin mind link — it's like that times twelve.

My interpretation of BFDIA and their relationship is obviously very biased because of. Me. But I'll try to summarize it. Keep in mind this is indeed my interpretation and yes there are headcanons and it is RIDDLED with queer subtext as always and also we are going to heavily ignore canon because it doesn't make sense and I don't like it

Going back to the last sentence of three paragraphs ago, EL was there to help with Leafy for basically the entirety of BFDIA.

BFDIA was probably at the very least traumatizing for Leafy; when she was all by herself in Yoyleland, with no one and nothing around, all she had was her thoughts and weapons. She's not a regular character and is mostly seen as A Thing Of Before. Something else notable about BFDIA is that EL was there, obviously, but unlike any of the other "evil [character]" we'd seen (evil Bubble in bfdi 20, for example), EL actually makes regular appearances and is seen as a character. She's the main antagonistic figure of the season, in fact, but she's never seen again after IDFB.

Anyway, enough background.

Leafy was all alone and EL suddenly existed. Leafy came back to the main cast and EL suddenly (seemingly) doesn't exist anymore. What does this likely mean? EL came into existence because of Leafy. So, yes, they are part of each other.

Their relationship is very hard to summarize. EL (I'm just gonna refer to her as Red from now on) is there to protect Leafy, and Leafy is there to calm Red down. But it's deeper than that. Red sees Leafy as special, and that's because to her she is; she's the only person she loves and trusts, the only person she can love and trust, and the only person who can get so deep into her heart without getting hurt or hurting her. Red protects Leafy with her life, and for her, it kind of is her life on the line — she wouldn't exist without Leafy. (Again, we're ignoring canon heavily right now.) Leafy likes Red because she's her companion and family, and because she protects her when she needs it. It's mutually beneficial for them, along with some other secret benefits they get.

Actually, did anyone notice how Leafy "walked" back to Goiky at the same time Evil Leafy got there, and EL vanished when Leafy died in BFDIA 4? Unless I'm remembering wrong, this means they're connected somehow.

But that's beside the point. This really is a yap fest, so I'll shut up now with one final point:

To summarize, yes, I do "ship" them — in a way. They're each other's other half, and they help each other in more than one way. They're attached spiritually and probably physically as well, and they have what seems to be a mental connection as we can see in BFDI 25 and BFB 1 — with EL's first appearance and sudden disappearance being fully connected to whether Leafy is upset or happy. Basically, they're yin and yang for each other.

isn't this ship called leafcest? Unfortunate. It's not incest at all. At MOST it's an intra-system relationship.

Holy yap fest, batman!

[atlantis-just-drowned]

HI OH MY GOD. i love your writing style for pluto sm, can i get headcanons for a reader like Eulalie ??? i love her sm <3 ty !!

A/N: Omg thank you so much Anon that's adorable!! I made this a gn!reader haha sorry if that wasn't what was intended-

Pluto x reader who's like Eulalie headcanons

Please reblog this post to show support! Reblogs are what keep me going!

Oh gosh you're his literal ray of sunshine

You don't even imagine, like

You're the optimist to his pessimistic side

Every time he sees you or hear you he can't help but feel like this world is suddenly a bit warmer and easier to live in

You make him smile

On a daily basis

He basically can't look at you without smiling

Even is he's in a bad mood his heart will melt a bit at your mere presence

I feel like he would be extremely protective of you too

Because you seem so oblivious he gets scared someone might trick you and hurt you :0

So as far as he's concerned, he's right by your side/behind you shooting death stares to any stranger who talks to you

Some will say he's creepy but to you this is the cutest thing in the world

He's your social support catboy

If you want some privacy tho he'll totally respect that and walk away

(but not without glancing at you with worried eyes for as long as he can see you)

But if he doesn't trust the person you're talking to, he'll stay close enough to be able to hear you if you scream or call for him

You know? Just in case anything happens

When he has a bad day he likes to hug you tight and hide his face in you chest or neck

Hug him back and he'll be in heaven

If you ask him what's going on he'll probably just mumble something unintelligible and hug you a little tighter

He likes your positivity and energy

But what he loves the most is to see you in a peaceful state

I'm talking, cuddling him or him cuddling you and you just

Close your eyes

And lay there

With his arms around you

Oh fuck oh shit oh damn he's so screwed his heart is melting inside

He would rather die on the spot than disturb you

He'll never say it out loud but in these moments he just hold you a little tighter and swear to himself that he'll protect you of harm and do everything to make sure you're happy

Even if your happiness doesn't include him, he wouldn't care as long as you stay as peaceful as you look right now for the rest of your life

He will. Literally. Never. Question. Anything that you say.

If you're in the middle of a dangerous situation and you ask him to bring you something

He won't say a word

He'll just do it

Even if it's absolutely useless

You have your reasons

And you must be granted what you asked for

I'm literally not kidding he would do anything you'd ask for, this little guy has an incredible determination

Even if he doesn't understand why you're asking something, he knows your mind functions a little differently from anyone else and he'll support you on that, no question asked

His only limit is that he won't harm himself or harm you in any way, shape or form. If you ask for something dangerous and one of you might get hurt because of it, he'll refuse

Also if you mess up with anything while getting focused on whatever you're doing, he'll make sure to clean up after you

You might not even notice it

But the next time you walk in the same hallway all of the knots you did with the curtains have been untied

Books are in alphabetical order again, no matter how many times you disorganize them

If you like to craft handmade things like necklaces or accessories he'll stay by your side and keep your materials organised

He likes to watch you while you're creating things, you look so sweet and relaxed

Sometime he'll chat with you while you're at it, but if you prefer to stay quiet he'll comply, silence doesn't bother him anyway

He'll remind you to pay attention to things too

Or if you forget you have something important to do

He'll be here to make sure you remember about it

Tho he'll feel a little sad if you forget about one of your dates but he'll understand really

On the other hand he finds it cute if you keep asking him just how long before your next date or hangout

The thought of you being somewhat impatient to spend time with him melts his heart inside <3

[blackswallowtailbutterfly]

Anon because reasons. I've been a transman for over ten years. I never thought I would reach out to a TERF but I'm seeing things in my community that scare me and I literally don't know what to do. The transwomen I follow suddenly started reblogging and making posts about protecting transwomen from rape/pedo allegations but I'm conflicted because I was raped by my uncles when I was little. I feel like I'm going crazy idk why I'm asking you I just feel so dysregulated and distressed. Please don't hurt me or expose me, idk what they would do if they realized I was talking to terfs.

I have no wish or intent to hurt or expose you, so have no fear of that. To be upfront: I am a feminist. I do see sexual assault primarily as a hate crime men commit against women and girls (rape). Women and girls being female humans and men being male ones. But you already knew that. For the purposes of this response, however, I will use gender neutral language where possible.

Honestly, ten years ago I had no idea I'd be where I'm at now. I was considering identifying as agender and was only just starting to become uncomfortable with trans activists. The biggest reason was, even back then, protecting predatory behaviour. Unfortunately, as the years have gone by it's only gotten worse. Maybe it's not something you've come across until now, so I imagine this must be a shock, or maybe the people around you doing it used a lot of weasel words and it hasn't become apparent until now.

Either way it's a terrible thing to realize the people you consider your community just don't think sexual assault is that big a deal, especially when they've said it is, but their actions are showing otherwise.

It's a betrayal to those of us who have been sexually assaulted and don't want that to happen to anyone else ever again. Especially if the person who sexually assaulted you was someone you trusted. What your uncle did to you was already a horrific betrayal. To know someone you respect would say he should be protected from your allegations if x reason (in this case if he identified as trans, but this can happen in other ways; someone I greatly respected called Julian Assange a friend after he raped two women; that sucked and I stopped keeping up with him after that) is a betrayal on top of that.

I was molested by my stepfather and some fucked up shit happened when my biological father showed me off to his friends when I was a toddler. I know that pain well. "Valid" is a word that's certainly been over-used and misused, but right now I'm going to use in the way it was used at the Sexual Assault Crisis Centre I attended: your feelings on this are valid.

Sexual assault is one of the worst things a person can do to someone. Saying that people who do those things should be protected for any reason, that alleged victims should be doubted, that alleged perpetrators should be given the benefit of the doubt is fucked up. You are not in the wrong for feeling uncomfortable and worse about it. That just shows you have your humanity.

Now, I'm not going to tell you what else you should think, but what I will say is: I'm not afraid of the women here knowing I talk to men. Or trans people for that matter. Even if I was reaching out to vent. At most they might question why I chose a man and not a woman, but ultimately it just wouldn't be an issue. It's not that there are no assholes here--there are quite a few--but most of them are easily ignored and those that aren't typically get pushback for being assholes and eventually end up leaving or ostracized.

Do you think that it's healthy, as a literal trans-identified person yourself, for people in a community to be so afraid of one another that they can't let anyone know if they talk to certain people? Now, I'm sure it's not as simple as just dropping people who act this way. I've known people with shitty friend groups. It's hard. It's hard when all of your peers seem to support certain behaviour. I get it. I am in no way expecting that you're suddenly going to drop your community.

But I'm not talking to them. I'm talking to you, the person who reached out to me. From one survivor of familial sexual assault to another: you don't deserve to be treated this way. You don't deserve to have your pain trivialized, even indirectly, for a cause. So even if you can't talk to any of your peers about it (and maybe you can! maybe there are people you know who feel the exact same way), I want you to know in your heart that this is wrong and you're right to feel that it's wrong.

And when you're ready, whatever that looks like, I hope you can get out of this and find a community where you would never be punished for raising concerns about something like this. You would be upheld and loudly supported because that shit just wouldn't fly.

Take care of yourself, anon. I hope you have a good day/evening. I hope your uncle rots and I hope the transwoman you're following becomes a better person. Or falls down a well. Whichever comes first.

[evilwickedme]

"you're worth it." and/or "you need sleep for jayroy maybe?

(i can't remember if you actually like that ship so if you don't feel free to pick your own)

I absolutely LOVE JayRoy and have written multiple fics for them anyway it's one am let's see what comes out

on ao3

unglued, thanks to you

It's been a long couple of days.

Everyone Roy knows is out of the state right now, for so many different and yet equally good reasons, so he hasn't had anyone available to babysit in days. Then Lian caught this bug that's been going around, and she's spent the last three days throwing up anything she's eaten, while Roy desperately tries to keep her hydrated, staying up all night with her as she shivers. His heart aches for his little girl, but he can't do anything about it except wait for it to pass. As if that stress wasn't enough, he hasn't had a steady job in a couple of months, and last he checked he was almost out of money for rent, let alone groceries or medicine or a paid sitter. And he can't even take any job offers he's getting, because he can't just leave Lian behind while half his family is MIA, some of them literally. Hell, he'd have joined them in the search if it weren't for... Everything else.

He's worried about his family, and he's worried about Lian, and he's just tired. He's so, so tired. Still, he can't help it - when Jason calls, he picks up.

"Hey," he says.

Jason must pick up on the exhaustion in his voice, because instead of hello he opens with, "Jesus Christ, when's the last time you slept?"

Roy takes offense to that. Considering the circumstances, he's been getting plenty of sleep. "I'll have you know I got to take a two hour nap just this afternoon," he says indignantly.

"Uh-huh," Jason says, "and last night?"

"Why are you calling, Jason?" Roy says tiredly.

"I'm in Star right now," Jason answers, letting the matter drop. "Connecting flight got canceled so I pivoted. Can I crash at yours?"

Roy hesitates. "It's not that you're not welcome," Roy says, searching for the right words. "I just - " it's just awful right now, and Roy's a mess, and the apartment's a mess, and Jason probably doesn't want to deal with a sick first grader anyway. "Listen, the place is kind of a mess right now, you'd probably be better off just finding a hotel to stay at. Use Bruce's money to stay at somewhere fancy. You'd sleep better, trust me."

Jason hums to himself, like he does sometimes when he's thinking. "How's Lian, Roy?"

Roy closes his eyes. "She's down for a nap right now," he says, then admits, "but she's been sick all week."

"And hasn't Oliver been able to help? Or any of your goddamn brood?"

Like Jason has any room to talk, with all these Bats flying around nowadays. When Roy was a kid, it was just Bruce and Dick, and eventually Babs. Now every time Roy blinks, there's a new kid wearing the bat on their chest. "They're all out of town at the moment."

Jason just sighs. "I'll be there in fifteen minutes," he says, then hangs up.

Motherfucker.

Well, Jason knows what he's getting himself into.

~~~

True to his word, a quarter of an hour later Roy hears Jason's spare keys unlock his front door. "In here," he calls out from the kitchen, where he's washing some long overdue dishes. Once it was clear that Jason would be staying with them no matter what, Roy did the minor service of taking all the disgusting shit off the couch.

"Hey," Jason says, dropping his bag, which clattered conspicuously. "I thought you said Lian was napping?"

"She's out like a light, actually," Roy says. "I'm hoping she'll actually sleep through the night tonight. Would make for a nice change."

Jason stays silent for a while, and the back of Roy's head prickles, but he keeps washing the dishes until, suddenly, Jason's hand is on his arm, startling him into stillness.

"C'mon," Jason says. "I can do this."

"They're my dishes," Roy objects.

"You need sleep," Jason says. "Your kid's sick, I get it. But I can keep an eye on her for a few hours. Go, get some rest. If only so I don't have to look at those fucking bags under your eyes. You look terrible."

"Jay," Roy sighs.

"I'll fucking carry you to bed if I have to," Jason threatens mildly.

Roy looks at him, then looks back at the running water, then shoots a longing look at the door to his bedroom. He really does want - need, desperately need - some rest. And Lian likes Jason. And Roy really, really doesn't want to be doing the dishes right now.

"Okay," he says. Then, after a pause, "Thank you, Jaybird."

"Anytime," Jason says gruffly. He hipchecks Roy, who relents, raising his hands in surrender and walking to his bedroom. "Seeya in six hours."

"Four," Roy counters.

"Eight," Jason corrects.

Roy rolls his eyes before closing his door. He sets his alarm for three hours, and falls asleep as soon as he closes his eyes.

~~~

Roy opens his eyes suddenly, momentarily disoriented. There's sunlight coming through the window - he's still in his jeans - he crashed last night - Jason came over last night - didn't he set an alarm?

Honestly, Roy wouldn't put it past Jay to sneak into his room and turn the alarm off, but maybe he just slept through it. Either way, it's too late now.

He feels so heavy, but still he forces himself to get up. He needs to check up on Lian, maybe clean up a little if she's still out, make some food out of whatever's still left in the pantry.

He's going over his to-do list in his mind as he steps out into the living room, and he does a double take.

The place is spotless. All the dishes are gone, the dirty clothes are in the laundry hamper by the laundry machine that stands close to the kitchen because there's no room for it in this tiny apartment else, and assorted electronics are piled up on the now clear surface of the little table they sometimes use to eat. The floor has been swept, too, with the dust bunnies Roy has become resigned to live with all cleared out.

There's no sign of Lian, but Jason is humming in the kitchen, so Roy joins him, leaning against the wall as he watches Jay slice vegetables that were definitely not in Roy's kitchen last night.

"You let me sleep in," Roy accuses.

Jason snorts. "Yeah, obviously. You needed the sleep, man. You probably haven't looked in the mirror in four days, but you looked miserable, trust me." He glances up at Roy, then back down to the cucumber under his knife. "You look, uh, much better now. Could probably use a shower."

"Fuck you," Roy says amicably. "Where's this come from?"

"I had some groceries delivered this morning," Jason answers casually. "I put the order in after I finished the dishes, then started cleaning up while I stayed up. Lian woke up eventually, so I made sure she got some fluids and gave her the meds on the counter - I'm assuming those were her meds, she was a little out of it and couldn't confirm it for me, but she seemed better after, so I figured, yeah."

"Yeah, those were the right meds," Roy says. "Thanks, again."

"Anytime," Jason says. He's now slicing a large red tomato. The juices spurt a little onto Jason's hand, who grimaces for a second before continuing.

"No, seriously," Roy says earnestly. "You were just looking for a place to crash. You didn't need to do any of this. I just - cleaning this place up must have taken you all night."

"Well," Jason says. "Consider it payback for all the times you saved my ass. And for letting me crash here."

Roy's heart pounds in his chest, and he looks around the kitchen. "Can I help?"

Jason waves at him dismissively. "I'm almost done here anyway," he says. "Go, wash up, or check on your daughter, or just sit down for five goddamn minutes."

Roy huffed, unable to stop himself from laughing. And then he did just that. Took a brisk shower, then checked up on Lian - sleeping again, and her bucket was empty, which was good - and then he rejoined Jason, just in time for him to hand him a plate, full to the brim with a cheese omelette, buttered toast, and a chopped salad.

"This looks amazing, Jaybird," Roy says honestly, and he could swear he sees Jason's ears turn a little red.

"Eat your damn breakfast," is all he says.

Roy puts the plate down on the table and takes Jason's hand. His eyes snap up to his face, and he looks - confused.

Roy rubs a thumb over Jason's palm. The texture is complicated, scarred and calloused, but he likes it. It's not unlike his own. "Thanks," Roy says again.

"You don't need to keep saying it," Jason says.

"Yeah, I do," Roy says. "And I'll keep saying it til you take me seriously."

"Yeah, well," Jason says. "You're worth it."

[girlwithwolftatoo]

How Moon boys do when reader is bullied by their co-workers.

This lands pretty close home too (not work but school...) so before we start:

Warning: Adult bullying

Steven Grant:

*This precious sunray is always yelled by that awful woman at his work, and had learn how to keep some limits. The thing is, he notices you seem to be extremely tired everytime you come back, and sometimes you even have signs of cry on your face. Once can be comprehensible, but so often... it sets all his alarms on.

*The last straw is when you received an invitation to a costume party. Your coworkers insisted you on attending and, once you arrived... you were the only one in costume. They lied to make fun of you. You smile and pretend it was a good joke, but deep inside you're dying, so you make a phone call to Steven, asking him to pick you up and bring you a coat.

*"Is everthing alright, love?" he asks, your voice sounding a little broken "Y-yes... I just... it's a little bored here, just want to go home". Oh yes, of course he'll pick you up, but won't leave without saying a couple of words to those imbeciles.

*911 I want to report a massive murder... because Steven Grant had left no survivors after verbally dragging everyone at the place. He knows bullies are, inside, weak and insecure people who need to put down anyone else to feel better, so making them quiet take a little but not too much time.

*"One last thing, you better stuff your silly jokes and comments deep into your guts and do you deed in the bathroom, 'cause you're obviously using the wrong end to spit' em out".

Marc Spector:

*Nobody hurts you during his watch. Nobody. And once he figures out you're having bad experiences in your job he prepares to attack.

*And by attack I mean in a literal form. By this time London knows a thing or two about this white-clothed vigilante who appears during night and serves justice without bating an eye. Obviously your bullies have not idea that this ruthless man is, in fact, your man, and they're about to find out in a gross way.

*But being fair, Marc makes them a pretty normal warning. One day, he shows up by your work and just in time to find a couple of idiots making fun of you. "Hey" says this very menacing looking man to the cheerful crowd "I'm looking for (Y/N)". This is a trap, for they must point at you, confirming they were being mean to you and so, Marc takes a mental note of their faces.

*If the idea of you having this tall, dark and slightly dangerous boyfriend doesn't stop them from bothering you, they will receive a disturbing visit. In their homes while getting ready to sleep, while walking in the night, at the entrance of a club, all of them are approached by the Moon Knight who makes them shit on their pants. "I'm not a criminal!" "Harassing people for fun is a crime, fella. You know this person, (Y/N), right? I know them too, they're a good person, they don't deserve what you and your fucking little friends do to them. If I find out, and trust me, I will, that you keep bullying them, you'll regret it pretty soon"

Jake Lockley:

*He doesn't play nice, for they don't play nice towards you. But he's more discrete, he wants revenge for everytime he had to hold you close while you cried and said you wanted to leave your work because you were sick of them.

*Our underworld guard dog knows things, and knows how to know things. He uses all his weapons, spies, contacts, tech, Khonshu's powers if needed. He places a huge trap for those motherfuckers and he enjoys every minute of it.

*For a mysterious reason, he encourages you to go to that work meeting/casual reunion. He goes with you of course, so you don't feel anxious or something... and because he has something prepared, something very special.

*Even if your coworkers act kind when Jake is around, you know they'll find a way the next morning to bother you. Time for meal is up and you sit by a table, listening some music from a smart T.V. Suddenly, the screen goes black, and before someone can go and fix it, some interesting things begin to show up...

*All the juicy gossip is there: private messages, nasty audios, awful photographs... There's no innocent soul in that room for Jake, everyone gets exposed in front of their team and bosses, and worse part is they cannot stop the leaking for the T.V goes on even after it's disconnected, and much worse, all the information is downloaded in their cellphones for everyone to see. And of course, there's a good amount of people talking shit about the bosses and other coworkers, probably a couple of infidelities, and it unleashes the war.

*While everyone is drowned in chaos, Jake takes your hand under the table, leans and gives you a soft kiss. "If you want to, we can stare until police comes" he whispers payfuly in your ear. "Oh God Jake, what have you done?" you ask, half amused, half horrified. "Served justice, mi vida... Now..." Jake reaches out and takes a wine bottle "A toast?"

[queermania]

So I just read a post canon fix it fic that I'm struggling with. The concept was Dean is still alive and rescues Cas from the Empty because he's in love with him too then instead of getting together Dean decides he needs to get his act together so he goes to AA and AA has a rule that you can't date anyone for the first year. So Dean goes through all of this while living with Cas and basically stringing Cas along or I guess not stringing him along because it does lead to them getting together at the end of the year so I guess my problem is just that I don't understand why he would need to wait a year to be with the guy he loves. It's almost infantalizing like poor Dean can't be trusted to make a decision about who he loves because he's an alcoholic. Alcoholics and addicts aren't children who can't be trusted with feelings. Sorry I just got really mad. Lol.

i've been sitting on this for awhile because this is a complex issue and when it comes to dean winchester specifically, i think any conversation about his relationship with alcohol necessitates a discussion about what constitutes addiction, what constitutes being an addict, what constitutes recovery, what constitutes sobriety, etc. and that's not really a discussion i'm equipped to have on tumblr dot com.

but i will say that i've seen push back on the one year rule floating around tumblr and other social media sites for years now. there seems to be this misconception that the rule is a sort of extension of the idea of "if you don't love yourself, how can you expect someone else to" and from that perspective, i get the push back. but that's not why the rule exists. it's not even a rule. it's a guideline, and it exists to protect people in recovery, not coddle or infantilize them, or strip them of their independence.

people who are suddenly sober after months or years of using are vulnerable–emotionally, mentally, and physically. their brain chemistry is literally different. they're in a position they haven't been in for a long time (if ever) and it's very common for people recovering to try to sublimate their addiction with attention from another person. it's kind of like a smoker who is trying to quit and ends up snarfing down chocolate. anything to staunch the craving.

obviously sublimating drugs with romance or sex isn't good, but the real issue is that it leaves already-vulnerable people perfectly positioned to be taken advantage of. and this isn't me trying to psychoanalyze a situation. it's a known phenomenon in recovery communities—that predators go after recovering addicts in the early stages of their recovery—to the point that it's a "joke." people (typically men but not always) who are farther along in their recovery prey on the newbies. out here the joke is that they're 13th steppers (like they've completed the full 12 steps and the next one is to take advantage of someone who is just starting out). "watch out for jim. he's a 13th stepper." i'm sure the terminology varies from place to place but the fact that it's a long-standing "joke" in the community says a lot.

but anyway, that's the point. it's not that addicts aren't equipped for love or whatever. it's that when you're that early in your recovery, you're vulnerable. your self-esteem is at an all-time low. you have no experience with setting and maintaining boundaries. you're most likely isolated (or at least alienated) from your family and friends. you're lonely. you're overwhelmed with emotions. you'd do anything for someone to love you and be proud of you, and if you can't get that, negative attention is still attention.

and those are problems even if someone has the best intentions. it's very easy to fall into patterns that are bad for everybody.

now i have no idea if this is what's happening in the fic. i haven't read it. i don't even know what fic you're talking about. personally, i have complex feelings about dean and his relationship to alcohol (and "recovery"). i also have very complicated feelings about the traditional ideas of addiction and sobriety in general. but i felt compelled to defend the one year rule at least a little bit. i'm not saying it's a perfect rule and should be followed to the letter, but it exists for a reason and that reason is a good one.

[justanothersyscourse]

Im sorry I dont support driving drunk but that reblog kinda showed that you dont know what its like to be an addict?

Alcoholism can literally get to the point of if you stop drinking suddenly the withdrawals could KILL YOU. yeah they should plan ahead for rides but your whole attitude of “they choose to drink!” Was lowkey shitty and borderline blaming addicts for their addiction. Its not always as simple as “just dont drink” if a buddy whips out some alcohol or whatever.

If drug addiction was that simple to just stop and never relapse ever I wouldve been sober years ago. Drunk driving is bad but you really didnt have to do what op said and demonize addicts in the process. You made it to be like being an addict is because were too selfish to try to get sober. Thats not how it works.

Bitch, I am Newfie and the child of addicts, not just biologically but environmentally. My entire life has revolved around my own and my famiy's addictions. I have been around heavy drugs since I was a child. Three or four years ago I was heavily addicted to alcohol, and was hospitalized, which is when I was forced to quit drinking. Not chose to, forced to.

Trust me, I know what is like, and it's not demonization to admit that there is a level of selfishness involved in addiction, but that's also not what I said.

Also, how are you really going to come in here, comparing who has the high ground? "If they DON'T drink they could die, so them getting behind the wheel is justified, and if they just so happen to kill people in the process, it's not their fault ): it was their life or the other person's life, because buddy whipped out alcohol."

It's literally not like that. That's the stupidest thing I've ever read. Go sit in the corner and think about what you said.

Don't come back.

Addiction is not the START of the choices. You don't choose to be addicted to something, it's the result of a million smaller choices, and it could have been stopped or changed at ANY point. There are choices that lead up to addiction, and if you're not doing anything to try to make yourself better, me calling you selfish isn't demonization.

Addiction isn't as simple as choices and selfishness, either. Most addicts have a dual diagnosis-- that is, another mental health problem driving them to seek some kind of solace in impairment. There are biological and neurological predispositions that make it easier for some to become addicted to something.

Let's put it in simpler terms.

My step father is a heavy alcoholic. The type that, my entire life, spent birthday, rent or food money on alcohol, that was hardly ever home because he was at the bar buying rounds for everyone. The type that made stupid financial decision after stupid financial decision that drove his family into the ground. He CANNOT stop drinking at this point-- not because he's incapable, but because when he's not drinking, he has seizures now.

That wasn't true twenty years ago, though.

He reached that point because of one million smaller, more selfish decisions that lead him there, and that's not demonization. He was still a good person, he had good intentions, he always wanted everyone to be happy and have a good time. He had trauma and wanted to be liked by people. Unfortunately, he thought the only way to have a good time was to be intoxicated, and in the process of trying to keep everyone else in his life happy, he hurt and alienated his wife and children, and now he has no one. I haven't spoken to him in almost five years.

He hasn't killed anyone yet, but he might, and my mom and I know that all too well.

You can't talk about drunk driving without talking about addiction, and you're acting like that entire conversation is demonization, rather than constructive discussion about the how, why, and possible steps and outcomes.

You're acting like even talking about an addicts' decisions is demonization. Or are you saying they're not capable of making decisions and we should just... Accept that, and whatever dumbass decisions they make on the basis that they're being driven to make those decisions by addiction and could die otherwise? Even if they might kill other people?

Like, what are you even saying?

Don't answer that, I don't actually care.

People are allowed to call addicts fools for their decisions and are allowed to cut those people out of their life for their own mental health, and are allowed to choose not to be involved in whatever shitty outcome they find themselves in (up to and including accidentally killing people while under the influence), and that's not fucking demonization.

Being an addict is not an unchangeable part of them, it's not something they're born with but it's also not something they actively choose, either.

It is very much a changeable thing, provided they're willing and want to change. The longer they wait, the harder it is. Many of these people are given chance after chance, warning after warning. They can see the consequences coming, clearly, and continue to choose to feed the addiction rather than the health of their loved ones and strangers.

I know this, because I had to make the choice. My husband, or drinking. My mental health, or drinking.

By the time they're in a full-blown addiction, people on the outside forget that there was an entire journey up to that moment. That there WERE other options, in the past.

Addicts are very much victims of circumstances and biology, but the discussion around the effects and consequences of those addictions are not demonization. They're not inherently bad people, the discussions aren't bad, leaving a situation isn't bad.

What's bad is, using your example, choosing to pick up the bottle without a ride home, and without considering the harm that could be done to others because satiating your addiction is now more important than the innocent lives of others.

Talking about my biological father's death and the deaths he caused and how he ended up there isn't demonization.

It's a horrible true story that should serve as a reminder when people have to make their own decisions.

[bonesandthebees]

I promised myself I would write my chapter 4 analysis before the end of the year, so don’t mind me cashing in about 4 hours before my deadline (the time zones are not in my favour given the fact I’m 9 hours ahead of you but shhhhhhhh).

Anyway, I’ve already sent an ask about Sandduo, though that was only one part of the conversation and there’s so much more. But first, the meeting itself.

It’s not just Quackity and Wilbur. It’s also Schlatt and Niki, which makes things spicy. See, Wilbur saw Niki plenty after his arrangement with Quackity was made, and he did not tell her for reasons I’ll get to. But now Niki is here and she definitely knows about Wilbur not telling her. Quackity says she was a last minute decision, but she already knew Wilbur was hiding something last he saw her. How late was she actually told? Or did she pick up that Wilbur was lying about something else. Maybe she can just tell when he feels guilty. It’s not the first time he’s lied to her after all.

Schlatt is also interesting, without anyone else there to judge him (or someone whose judgement he cares about) we really get to see his true feelings come out. The other character also show more of their true nature. We get to see that Schlatt’s hatred for Niki is mutual. (And honestly, deserved.)

I love the way that it’s set up as a meeting between the two potential heirs (now turned 2/3) and their respective right hand men. Niki has Wilbur while Quackity has Schlatt. Both spilled the beans on Sam still considering his other options despite Tomys arrival. (So Wilbur made the right choice in tell Niki.)

I’m not sure if Niki is trying to hold the info Wilbur gave her over Quackity’s head or simply testing how much he knows (and thus how useful Schlatt will be as a ally/how much of an additional threat he will be) . It could be both.

Anyway, while everyone else drops their facades, Wilbur keeps his up. He keeps choosing his words carefully because there’s still another layer to this conversation. He always has to think about what his father wants him to say or reveal. He’s pretending to show all his cards and tell them everything he knows while still hiding as much as he can. He’s still trying to keep the upper hand.

(1/?)

-🎄

IT'S NOW 2024 AND I'M FINALLY GETTING AROUND TO THIS (definitely don't think too hard about why I'm suddenly answering a bunch of rose asks) (definitely won't be posting anything today) (certainly not)

niki was told about the meeting literally a few hours before at dinner earlier that same night. while wilbur was acting strange around her, she is also starting to grow used to it because she can tell he's keeping things from her, so she didn't think too much of it. then quackity invited her to the meeting, and although he didn't tell her wilbur was going as well she figured it out pretty quickly, so she wasn't surprised when wilbur walked in. she knows he lied to her, and at this point this is becoming a pattern she's forced to accept.

schlatt and niki hating each other is one of my favorite dynamics it's so funny. and yes we get to see schlatt's truly unfiltered side start to come out (or is it really unfiltered? is he really laying all his cards out on the table at this time? hmm things to consider)

oh yeah wilbur made a very good choice telling niki she was still an option or else that would've been awkward

the game is still being played in a meeting like this. even with the illusion of privacy, wilbur can't trust quackity and schlatt, therefore he can't show his cards. he can only pretend to.

[scrimblyscrorblo]

YES OF COURSE, honestly, it's my favourite one to think about when I'm sad ! :D 

(I also have an other au but I think it would be a tiny bit too much angsty to deal with... '3') 

Anyway- One peaceful (or as peaceful it can be with with every single moon present in the infinity castle-) day (yes it is important), Douma thought it would be a good idea to scare a lower demon without a blood demon art because why the fuck not ? It was because no one wanted to play with him. :'( 

Little did every-fucking-one know, but Muzan (the reason why he's here in the first place-), is that this demon actually does have a blood demon art ! It's called time regression ! And it's very unstable, the demon has literally no control over it. 

I think you can guess what happens next. :) 

The upper and lower moons, Nakime and Kijusbuki Muzan got it by the blood demon art ! 

Every single one got changed back into human, most of them into their child self. 

It means many, many, MANY THINGS. 

First and foremost, Nakime's human now. And with Nakime human no longer demon... No more infinity castle. Everyone is outside now ! So the poor poor demon... Is dead now. 

They all expected to get transformed back after that, but they didn't. They are all stuck as human, some as children. They're alive... But for how long ? 

Because three of them are deadly ill now. Rui, Hantengu and Muzan... 

And the ex-demon king is the one whom is the most at risk ! 

Most of them panic, formulating a plan quickly. 

First and furmost, go. To. The. Shades ! They don't when, or if, they will go back into being demons. Next, the oldests who aren't adults, will go and try to find anyone. Hopefully. not a slayer (foreshadowing, foreshadowing...).

 So Kokushibo (13), Urami, one of Hantengu's clone who's actually one of his sons (16), Kamanue, lower 6 (12), Wakuraba, lower 3 (12), Rokuro, lower 2 (17), Mukago, lower 4 (11).

Gyutato (10) refuses to leave his baby sister (10) all alone, he doesn't trust any of them with her.

Akaza (10), or more like Hakuji whom now remember everything, he watch them all with disgust as he leaves.

Hantengu (50) and Nakime (20) are left alone in taking care of all the younger (and/or sickly) children : Douma (8), Gyokko (8), Enmu (7), all the clones (or more like sons-), Rui (4) and Muzan (15).

Muzan is extra enraged but can not do anything about it, but he's specially terrified. He doesn't want to die, no no no ! He suppressing everything because even as a human and child, he's still their master.

One of them (Kokushibo), find someone. Sadly, it's a slayer (oh ?). But at least he knows for sure he will help them.

He calls everyone else running around trying to find help as he guide the slayer where the rest of the group is.

Tomioka Fucking Giyu, the fake water hashira, when he was trying to get back to butterfly mansion, did not expect to find an... Orphanage ? (He doesn't know) out there like that. It wasn't on his bingo list today ! But he still help them out. Which type of person would he be if he doesn't help them ? A pretty shit one that for sure !

So he takes them back to the butterfly mansion, to the surprise of one Kochou Shinobu.

And at this point, everyone are stressing but it's fine, everything fine... They wouldn't be transform into demons right now, right ?

So, before Kochou could watch for problems (she already noticed the sick ones), Rengoku suddenly arrives with a child following him ! Is Akazs, or more like Hakuji now.

Seeing them, Hakuji tries to leave, but nope ! Rengoku put him on his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, ignoring his protest with (almost literal) deaf ears.

Everyone give a cold sweat, until Kochou giggles slightly. "Come on everyone, this way. I'm a doctor and I would like to examine you all !"

They accept, hoping to know if they will go back or not and if there's some type of medicine of the sickly ones.

"So... What happened ?" Ah... Um... Everyone is kind of looking at each other awkwardly. Until Hantengu decided to respond with a pretty damn good lie. He's an amazing acter and even better liar. Following the idea that they were a orphanage, he says : "There was... A Monster... We fled... Not everyone had successfully escaped it... But at least I'm glad some of us did... But it destroyed our home... We have nowhere to go..."

She hummed, actually believing him. "Truly unfortunate... You are all welcome here ! And, apart form the already unwell ones, everyone is fine ! We will fine a place of you all to live in and we'll help you help your sickness. Until then, you will all stay here." The insect pillar reassure with a smile.

And there's goes the crocodile tears, thanking her a thousand times in fake gracefulness. And she noticed nothing too !

So... No demon blood in them, meaning... They are all stuck like that ! How annoying, and dangerous. But at least they're safe here.

Muzan's wonder, now that he is human, if his demons... Died or become humans again ? Mmh...

Anyway, they are all brought to the largest room in the butterfly, give futons, bedding, covers and pillows. The oldest (adults and teens) prepare a resting place for the unwell and the youngest (pre-teen and kids) decided to make a pillow fort !

Nakime soon join them, to make sure they don't get hurt, but also because she misses her infinite home... And her biwa.

Koku's making sure his master is well as he naps with Rui.

Hantengu happily watches his sons play (14 for angry, 13 for sad, 10 for pleasure, 8 for joy and 4 for hatred).

Gyutato and Daki play together on their own, like Douma, Gyokko and Enmu, and also like the other lower moons.

And finally Hakuji, who's pouting on his own, in a corner, watching a blank wall angrily because he has to stay in this godforsaken room with... Them. He impatient to leave and never come back.

Part 1 ! Tell me if you wanna read more or wanna read something different. ^^

Omg that’s actually kind of adorable honestly and it’s certainly be a challenge for all of the demon slayer corpse to suddenly emotionally come to terms with very the now former kizuki

I do wanna know how giyuu factors into this as you mentioned he was a sort of therapist 🥺

[an-egghead]

So what if the new members still get an egg, but it has no accesoires, acts a bit weird and only has one life, and everyone's making theories thinking it's Egg A1, because they're scared of most players and eggs that aren't their parents, and don't know how to use the signs, or barely, and it's totally inconspicuous, because, well, can you blame them?

And everyone starts to love them, even the players who they're scared of, because (at least in their eyes) there's nothing to be afraid of for an egg, and they try their best to make them trust them, and have them talk to the other eggs, but they just absolutely refuse to do so.

And if this Egg doesn't need any tasks, unlike the other ones then well, the new players may not know that yet, and by the time they find out they'd just write it off as a glitch, a lucky one, because it's impossible to find a babysitter that their Egg will trust, and they'd hate to see their Egg die because they missed a task.

And what if at some point, when the Egg has finally gotten used to being around other people and eventually other eggs, and everyone's welcomed this Egg with open arms and trusted them into their homes, when suddenly the codes start impersonating this Egg in particular so SO often, that everyone starts to get suspicious.

But only around strangers, never around the parents, so the parents still think "yeah they were scared of anyone else for the longest while, it doesn't surprise me that the codes try to take advantage of that"

And the others will try to tell them, in private, that they think that their egg may not actually be an egg, isn't it weird that literally every single time they take their kid to see another egg it turns out that it WASN'T an egg this time, it's happened way too many times to just write it off as a coincidence, and don't you think it's odd that they arrived more than a week after you all did?

And the players will look at them and tell them to Fuck off, because that's their kid, and their kids have also been impersonated by codes before plenty of times, and those eggs didn't arrive on time either did they?

And fans will have to chose a side, because on the one hand they've gotten attached to this Egg, who they thought was A1, and everything still makes sense, but it also doesn't, it just depends how you think about it, and it may actually work as a way to split up the players, who have stuck together throughout everything ever since the beginning.

And I know it's a long shot, but I'm just saying I would lose my mind

[shdwtouch]

I recently stated that anon doesn't deserve the grace of my response, nor do I owe them or anyone else an explanation or defense, however I want to say something, for my sake, because this has been causing me a lot of stress these past few days.

so. first. please don't approach people like this on anon. even if you have the best intentions... its not a good look, and it will never land how you think it will. like. I know that anons like this are trying to be helpful, but to me its just. confrontation. a nameless, faceless heckler in a crowd of people I'm supposed to trust. I am an open, empathetic person who wants to improve, but no one enjoys being called out in public. and honestly I'm not entirely sure what you hoped to achieve in sending this message, if you aren't trying to tell me how to run my blog. like... I think ? you were trying to be reassuring but... I still can't get over "manufacturing problems" tbh.

next, as I have stated in a previous post, I literally have personal and gaming tags, I've been using them since I started this blog. if you don't want to see that stuff all you have to do is block those tags. similarly, and again I mentioned this in a previous post, my posting like this is not new. I'm not entirely sure why it would suddenly become an issue when I've literally never made a change to what or how I post, unless folks just... weren't seeing me on the dash ? idk. but between having tags available to block, frequently deleting my own posts, and always being like this... I don't know what you want me to say regarding people not liking how I run my blog / me not treating it as a roleplay blog. which, honestly, I find hilarious because previously I wasn't writing at all on my old blog, then I made this blog and have had muse and energy and have actually been interacting ! and then I hit an off week(s) and suddenly I'm not active enough for folks, haha. idk, I guess the fandomless scene is more chill than BG3.

and, lastly, again I'm just... 5-10 posts ? XD unless you are counting my ooc meta discussion posts / reblogs and ooc reminder reblogs... no, not even close, sorry. a lot of my meta is presented ooc, plus I've been posting a lot about kaey (who is the other muse featured on this blog, btw), and that thrown in with my 2-3 ooc posts... maybe ? but I delete a lot of my ooc posts (thus, the tbd tag) so. again. idk. I think it really is just a case of, I've literally been so active compared to my previous blogs, so I am ??? at my current activity being a problem considering its much better. like, I guess its still not enough ? idk. I guess I'm just not aligned with how folks use this site. and like, while I get people want their mutuals to be active and engaging, you still have to be patient and understand folks don't run on your clock. shrug.

now I just want to say. I'm not going to apologize for how I've reacted to the anon, nor to how it has made me feel. good intentions or not, it didn't land. I am allowed to feel hurt and confused. I am allowed to feel paranoid, because this is obviously something someone didn't feel was important enough to talk to me one on one about. I try so hard to be an open and honest person, but I feel like I just get kicked in the teeth for it. it always sucks being called out, and maybe I needed to be called out (idk, I don't think so, but I won't toss the notion aside completely), but this was not an effective or healthy way to do it. I shouldn't have to deal with this, you know ?

and, honestly... normally I would say hey, just come talk to me privately, but. I don't want that this time around. I don't feel like talking to this person, at least right now. I don't t know why this in particular hurt, but it just did. if you sent that anon you can either keep your silence or block me, please. blocking preferred. I just... I want to be empathetic, maybe you were too anxious to approach me personally, maybe you did have good intentions, but... what has been done cannot be undone. while I want to know so I don't feel as paranoid... I don't think a friendship can be redeemed with whoever sent this anon. I don't think I want to redeem that friendship. but... I also think I'm being a little harsh, honestly. I don't know what to think.

also, this should be my last mention of it. I know its a drag to see stuff like this on your dash. I just... can't help how its made me feel and I'm doing my best to work through it. I appreciate yalls patience, understanding, and support <3

[sightofslumber]

Sigh. I'm. So tired of this lol.

I almost went two whole days without crying over it. I was so happy yesterday & realized it was the first day I hadn't cried in who even knows how long. Earlier I even was thinking about his kid & started missing her a lot & almost teared up a little but I was in the car with my dad & was able to distract myself. I didn't even cry about the dead possum, I chose to be grateful the babies survived. Thought I'd make it through today with no tears- HAH, think again.

Then I get hit with cravings for my favorite chocolates, start thinking about better HEBs where I could find them, which makes my brain remember...

Annnnd then there it goes. How many times do I have to cry before I get it all out of me? It's honestly so ridiculous at this point. Sometimes I just laugh while I'm crying because of the sheer absurdity of it all. (This is not one of those times. It's just heavy right now.) Sometimes I catch myself getting mad at myself, but then I remember that I have to be kind & gentle with me because nobody else ever really was & the unfortunate fact is that I have a heart capable of feeling so deeply it's devastating oftentimes - if I don't honor that then how could I ever hope anyone else could?

How can a heart be broken so many times & STILL feel SO much? Funny thing is, for a while I really didn't think it was capable anymore after the last few years, my longest relationship slowly destroying me while also grieving my mother & feeling completely abandoned or/& betrayed by everyone "close" to me who was supposed to care about me. Not a single soul truly knows how much I went through or how bad off I actually was. The few people who did know about the attempt to no longer exist showed pretty clearly that they didn't actually care. I was attempting to process so many heartbreaks at once, on top of being bombarded with collective energy freaking out over a pandemic & all that grief, while also not having any idea what the fuck was going to happen in my life or how I'd move forward when I could barely function & literally didn't even want to be alive. There was way too much. Every single thing in my life crumbled apart. Couldn't deal. I numbed out for a long time. I felt like not even me anymore. I wasn't me anymore, that version I had once been died.

And then suddenly I felt so alive again. Started purging years worth of heartbreak & anger. I could actually feel energetic layers shedding off around my heart & energy field. Like a lifetime's (& even some past lifetimes) worth of caked on gunk was being stripped away. Discovered a new version of me that never quite existed before. Magic flooded back into my life, more than ever. I began to realize I was experiencing energy in ways I'd never known before. And there he was again, the connection with him was completely unlike anything I'd ever encountered. I had no idea I could feel like that...

But I guess it doesn't matter. Or, I mean, of course it does in some way. But maybe it was just to shake me up, to show that I can still feel deeply & maybe don't want to be alone for the rest of my life like I thought, maybe I do want a family (ask me again when I've healed a little bit more lol). Mmm seems a bit cruel, but I do my best to trust Spirit & know there have been so many instances that needed to happen in order for other things to happen. Maybe one day I'll be privy to the grand design.

But right now. I'm tired & tired of thinking about it all.