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#but that doesn't mean it didn't make his anxiety any less high back then. he Hated not wearing it
quirkle2 · 2 years
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I actually want the scarf backstory.
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(warnings in the tags)
ok so here's the sitch, the scarf will come eventually i promise
wars' entire life growing up in castle town was just . frankly shitty GVYEAGIV his family was decently wealthy and they easily had food on the table, but wars' father was a Dick and very much not a good parent
wars' mother on the other hand, was like . basically The World to him. in his little 8-year-old eyes she was Everything and he followed her around everywhere she went and he just adored her. she was always so gentle and patient w him and she made sure to teach him how to be kind above all else. she was the one who kept him from letting the arrogance and just,, general toxic behavior of a LOT of people in castle town influence him
she gives him a big orange scarf that she made at some point, just a little gift for when he's older and able to wear it, but he ends up adoring it so much that he wears it even when he's Tiny and gets very attached to it
his mother sadly passes from illness when wars is 8. him being a little guy and not knowing how to process grief in the slightest, he grasps at the only thing he has left of her and that's the scarf—it becomes a comfort item, smth he can't leave his own room without having it wrapped around him
his father starts training him when he's 9 in hopes of making him a soldier good enough to defend the kingdom. he grows up, doesn't make many friends, and eventually climbs the ranks until around the time his game begins. his father dies in battle before wars is even promoted to captain. all that hard work to make him proud, and he never sees him succeed
impa promotes him and hands him the blue scarf, and he's forced to discard his precious orange one in exchange for the Hero's garb. it feels heavy in his hands, heavy on his shoulders, and even though he's 18 when this happens, he's still far too young to rly understand the scope of what he's being dragged into
months later, he knows. he knows far too well why that scarf had felt so heavy on him when he'd first donned it
i'm sure u can guess where i'm goin w this, but all the Expectations and the High Standards and the Pressure of being the hero sorta just melds w the scarf in his mind, and when he puts that thing on, he feels all of it weigh on him
the people in his kingdom are Critical. they love him and they hate him and they praise him and they mock him and u know how being a Big Figure goes, right? every little thing he does is treated with both cheers and malice and usually, to him, the malice reaches much further
they ridicule him for just abt everything. he stands next to artemis as she's giving a speech, acting as her bodyguard—rly just there for show since he never says much during the parades and the announcements—and people in the crowd r making gestures at him, slitting-throat signs w their hands, yelling and mouthing death threats right at his face. when he returns from a long battle injured and beaten, they accuse him of being a poor choice for a war, not good enough of a fighter, not strong enough; when he returns uninjured, they claim he's slacking and letting his underlings take the hits instead
and during the war ? wars' life is just . ,,,so so bad in the mental health department. he's Completely alone. he lives by himself, he has no friends, and impa and artemis are more coworkers than they are companions, even if they claim to have his back. he's overworked until he can barely walk by the end of the day and every surface of his house is peppered w paperwork that he can never escape. the weight of the responsibilities and the Trauma of the war on top of all that ?
he's close to breaking. he's the type of person that needs and loves and seeks affection and he hasn't gotten that literally since he was 8. he's an extrovert, Loves talking to people, loves Being w people and conversing and joking around and hugging and laughing and he's got none of that—the closest he manages is w his troops, but wars is careful not to get too close for,,, obvious reasons. he doesn't need to lose anybody else
he comes home to an empty house and it's that ? staticy, humming silence when he closes the door and stands there in the dark that he hates the most. he has a couch that nobody has ever sat on except him. he doesn't have enough time to decorate and the furniture and tapestries on the walls weren't even put there by him, it was the people artemis hired that were put in charge of housing him. it all feels utterly Empty, and wars is . pretty much hopeless at some point. just,, trudgin along
but then the war is won. and even though that doesn't relieve him of hero duty, at least the fighting and the death is over with. all their resources r directed to rebuilding, and while it's still a lot of work and everything is far from over and wars is still utterly fucking exhausted, he's just glad there's no more corpses he has to look at
fast forward to lu—he meets the chain, they go on a quest, and for the first time ever, he gets close to people. he starts calling them teammates, then friends, then Family, and since he's technically not on duty while out w the chain, he wears his orange scarf instead. it's lighter than the blue one in many, many ways
at some point when they return to wars' era for a visit and a quick break, wars is not included in that break. they overwork him hard enough for him to get ill and bedridden and legend gets so irate about it that he marches up to artemis and impa and makes a Big scene abt it
he's drawing negative attention to authority, but they bite their tongues until wars is better. when he is better, he is called to the throne room and ordered to "keep legend quiet." wars doesn't like that. stuff happens, arguments ensue, and it eventually gets bad enough to where they threaten to Ban legend from castle town altogether
this is . greatly disturbing to warriors. bc they Know how much ledge means to him. and they would blatantly use that against him, to get their way ? they call themselves his friends, when they'd do smth like that?
he says that if legend is banned, so is he—their Hero
and they agree to that
so warriors is, legally, exiled from castle town—his home. he'd meant it as a bluff, bc he'd half-thought artemis was bluffing—ofc tho, he doesn't regret the decision, not when legend was being wrongfully banned just for sticking up for him. and he spends the next few weeks thinking all that over—the fact that his "friends" would do that to him is appalling, but it suddenly,,, Hits him at some point that when he'd stopped being useful, they just,, threw him out
the second he got too hard to handle and not worth the trouble, they tossed him to the street. some "friends" they were.
when he's exiled, he's given a chance to reflect. and he realizes that it was actually one of the best thing to ever happen to him. he was so unhappy all his life within those goddamn walls, so miserably alone, so utterly hopeless, and then when he'd been sent through those portals and met the chain, the weight of that all seemed to ,, lift, a little
he realizes that even though he's on another adventure and looking death in the face, he's infinitely happier with the chain than he ever would have been back home. the chain loves him, treats him like family, talks to him, jokes w him, hugs him and laughs w him. they don't overwork him to death and they don't stop loving him when he's not at peak performance 24/7. he has people who care. he has people who don't only talk to him when they want smth from him
so he ditches the blue scarf altogether. with it goes his responsibilities and all the stress and depression and crippling loneliness it had housed. he dons the orange one instead, sunshine on his back—he's gained a family and the warmth of that resides in it, the happy, jittery feeling in his chest is what the fabric is practically made of. it reminds him of his mother and happiness and it feels so, so much lighter.
#qktalks#destructokats#tw parent death#parent death tw#tw death threats#death threat tw#i just rly enjoy stories of recovery and things getting better#and the scarves sorta represent that#btw he's still very much attached to the orange one#still treats it like a comfort item. is Always wearing it. gets genuinely jumpy and nervous if he isn’t near it in some way#he's gotten better over the years w it and he Was sorta forced to not wear it during duty back in the war#but that doesn't mean it didn't make his anxiety any less high back then. he Hated not wearing it#at some point he gets a white one just like it (or as close as he can get to his mom's)#and he wears that one when his orange isnt available. the weight on his shoulders helps a bit. makes him feel less naked#important note that i feel like somebody might be miffed abt:#yes i kinda characterize artemis and impa as like . cold and efficient coworkers and nothing more#and that is purely bc i feel absolutely nothing for their characters and how they were written in hyrule warriors GVIAEGYV#i'm sorry for making them Like That i simply don't have an attachment to them At All#please understand im just a little guy#anyway im so sorry holy shit GVIEYAV that was so long and needlessly dramatic. wow i am so cringe#but im so free. actually no im not i could be freer. i could be living in the woods hollering to the moon abt him#in my mind that's what im doing . i assure u#i skipped a good bit from him growing up to his shitty mental health during the war#mostly bc the details aren’t set in stone and they're a bit darker#kinda heavy stuff so i won't go too into it here but just know that he rly struggled and it was Bad#and that makes me sad cuz wars isn't inherently a very depressed person. he was Driven to that level of depression and hopelessness#he's usually very happy. but for a solid chunk of his life it was very hard to stay happy#i also just left stuff out cuz this was long and yaknow . i feel like there's a limit to how annoying u can be and im for sure reaching it#IM AT 29 TAGS . I HAVE ONE MORE TO CONVEY MY LOVE FOR WARRIORS IF THAT HASN'T ALREADY BEEN ESTABLISHED#twists him around like im wringing out a wet dish rag. /i love you i love you i love you i lo
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spider-chris06 · 6 months
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Do you know why Spider-Verse Miles is my favorite Spider-Man?
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He, without having a choice, had to do in two days, what took all the other Spider-Sonas in the multiverse weeks, become Spider-Man, all under the unimaginable pressure of being the successor to the previous Spider-Man of his universe, which left the bar too high, having to meet everyone else's expectations, and having to go through a tortuous journey while learning from his mentor.
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Even when the spider-gang not only didn't trust him but even seemed to dislike Miles at first (Except, of course, Gwen and Peter B, who are very special cases)
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And pressing him to see if he was ready and treating him like just a kid (Even Peni).
All so that he then went to his uncle, who was like a second father to him and someone who truly understood Miles, only to find out that he had always been a hitman, going so far as to almost end with the life of his nephew, until he realizes what he was about to do and... well, tragedy happens.
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The death of Uncle Aaron, due to the depth and history behind it, remains the most tragic "death of Uncle Ben" in all of cinema... ever.
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Miles stopped being the same since then, and even when a hurricane of emotions possessed him, he learned that no matter what, Spider-Man always gets up and keeps going, at the same time he learned to take his leap of faith. Before becoming Spider-Man he had a normal and happy life, but after being bitten by that spider his whole life fell apart, but of course, Miles is someone truly strong and full of determination thanks to the people close to him.
In two days, he surpassed almost the entire Spider-gang, and in a year and a half he become almost a professional as Spider-Man, even giving lessons to everyone else, and making it clear to Gwen and the others what truly means being Spider-Man, not standing by crossed arms while someone is in danger, but trying to do everything you can to save everyone, doing both things, even when it seems impossible, Spider-Man should always try, because everything it's possible.
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At the same time that Miles felt stabbed in the back by the same people to whom he wanted to dedicate his entire future just to see them again since he felt alone and sad inside in the world without them, and, specially, without Gwen.
And let me remind something, Miles actually thinks she doesn't even love him and only sees him as a friend, but he still wants to see her
On the ATSV betrayal, he release all that hurricane of emotions that he had to swallow and accumulate inside during ITSV and during that entire year and a half for not having time for ALL those things said before, leading him to have anxiety and panic attacks (Something confirmed in the synopsis of the short "The Spider Within")
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All so that they later reveal to him that he was a mistake, an anomaly, that he should never have been Spider-Man, that he killed the Peter of his universe, causing everything that gave MEANING to his life fell down in just a few minutes, leaving Miles more traumatized, mortified and with more trust issues than he already had before.
He really became one of the most tragic character of all the saga (Along with Peter B and, put it in some way, Miguel O' Hara)
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And just because Miles looks with a cool and chill personality doesn't mean he's any less traumatized and mortified on the inside (An example is Andrew Garfield's Spider-Man).
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Even though in the comics that nickname is only used because that is what his universe is called, in the movies, on the other hand, even though there are people on the internet who deny the fact that he is currently becoming an unstoppable phenomenon that is marking an entire generation and will mark future generations, Miles Morales proved to be, without a doubt, the Ultimate Spider-Man.
As a bonus, even though she always screwed up with everyone around her, both the living and the dead, Gwen showed that she really loves Miles and that he truly is the love of her life, however, needless to say, she has a lot of work to do in her redemption arc to be able to fix things with Miles, which will be very difficult but not impossible, even more so taking into account all the hate she received for everything that happened in ATSV.
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Now she has to PROVE not only to him, but to all of us viewers, that she truly deserves to be with Miles, that they can have a life together by her own merit, and that all the hate towards her after the ATSV release it's truly unfair.
However, I have to be realistic, there are characters like Peni or even Peter B who should not be anything more than simple 'acquaintances' or 'partners' for Miles, since, with what they did, the term "Friend" It's too big for them.
In any case, Miles has the last word.
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webslingingslasher · 6 months
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waitttt what does peter do if one of the frat dudes refer to trouble as his bitch, or if he heard anyone call her that? it happened to me before, but was such a let down because he actually just let his friends say it 😻 we’re no longer together btw
while peter's in the bathroom you butt into the group and voice your opinion, 'i think you guys should do the maze! everyone does haunted houses.'
one brother didn't like your opposing opinion, 'why do you think you have a say in anything we do? you're just parker's bitch.' you freeze on the spot, you didn't mean to offend anyone, or try to impose, you were just trying to voice an outsider opinion.
your brow furrows, 'okay, well, i was just thinking that-'
'no one cares what you think.' it's aggressive for no reason, you want to stand strong but feel yourself slinking to the back of the group. another member catches your mood, he jabs an elbow and gives a supportive smile.
'you know he didn't mean it like that, he's just on edge.' you give a barely there nod and drone out the brothers proposal, feeling sorry for yourself until peter returns and has his hand resting on your lower back.
when no one spoke up for you it felt like it was mutal agreement, you didn't feel welcome in the house that night. you slide closer to peter and mumble softly.
'i just got a call from ally, i gotta go.' you don't even give him time to respond, high tailing it from the frat house and back to where you can not feel like such a bother.
you weren't going to make a big deal of it, and you knew if you told peter, especially in the moment, he'd make it a big deal and your embarrassment would increase tenfold. it doesn't make you feel any less bad when peter looks disappointed and confused.
----
ten thirty in the morning you’re standing outside peter's front door humming. playing off last night as a fluke, you don’t feel so judged. you think the other brother was right, the comments weren’t coming from a place of resentment but because you just confirmed his anxieties about his party turning out to be a dud.
ethan greeted you at the door, you gave him a quick hug before squeezing by him. ‘good morning, friend.’ ethan wrapped his arm around yours as he tugged you further into the house, turning for the kitchen.
‘your boy is in the shower, want some breakfast?’ you nod and smack your lips watching him make you a plate from the earlier meal. tearing a piece of french toast with your teeth you peer up to watch the brother from last night pass by.
you give a small wave, testing to see if he was still bitter from last night, he wasn’t. but you became extremely upset looking at his face as he turned to wave back. the bar chair spins by how quick you drop, making it to him in three steps, you tug at his chin.
‘did peter fucking hit you?’
you already know the answer, he has a black eye to prove it.
‘i know i was out of line last night, i shouldn’t have-‘
‘no, no, no.’ your mind spins, this isn’t what you wanted. that's why you didn't say anything, you wonder who tattled. you shake your head in dissapointment, you pull in the brother for a tight hug.
'i am so, so sorry. i didn't tell him to do anything, i didn't even tell him anything!' he gives a nervous laugh, 'i shouldn't have-' you push him away and hold his arms, 'nothing you said warrented that, okay? i'm sorry, i'm really, really sorry.'
he shrugs it off, he does seem mostly unbothered, but it makes you shake in fury. peter doesn't understand that he just proved his claims right. peter punching a guy for calling you his bitch, made you feel like his bitch.
you stare at ethan and raise your arms, 'tarrent.' you roll your eyes, of course he'd be the one to gossip. without second thought you stomp up to peter's room, going straight into his bathroom and slapping the glass on the shower.
peter jumps in alert, you're giving him a dirty glare behind a slight fog. 'hey, trouble. did you have some french toast?' you stay silent as you tug the shower door open, you barzenly step in, peter does his best to block your clothes from the showerhead with his body.
'you are such a douchebag, peter. what you did? that was such a douchebag move.'
he knows what you're talking about, you make him feel shameful. he was, but only to a degree. he probably shouldn't have punched him, but he also shouldn't have called you a bitch and sent you running away.
'no one should speak about you like that.'
'you shouldn't put your hands on people like that.'
peter narrows his eyes, 'is this what we're doing?' you cross your arms, 'i want you to apologize.'
peter keeps his hold for a few seconds, then he deflates and looks to the side. 'i'm sorry. i shouldn't have punched him.' he warms up when you coo and rub his arm.
'aw, petey. yeah, that sounds perfect. let me know when you're coming downstairs so i can grab him.' the second you leave the shower he stops you, 'hey! what does that mean?'
you hold a hand to your chest, 'you didn't punch me, i don't want your apology for it.' peter turns the water off to wrap a towel around him, 'just- hold on.' you're followed back into his bedroom, you do your best to ignore water droplets over his chest.
'you want me to apologize to the guy that called you a bitch?'
'i want you to apologize to the guy you gave a black eye to.'
'for calling you a bitch.'
you slap your hands on your thighs, 'for calling me your bitch, peter! and when you go around punching guys that say that, you make them right!'
oh.
when you say it like that it's painted in a new light, all peter could think about the blatent disrespect, he didn't think about how it would affect you.
'i mean, the guy was petrified to see me. he kept saying sorry and wouldn't look at me, that doesn't make me feel like you protected my honor, it feels like you tarnished it.'
peter can't even look you in the eye, he feels horrible. you already felt like you weren't liked because of his frat brothers comment, and now you would feel like everyone would be scared to talk to you.
peter just made you feel more uncomfotable in his house than a passing comment could ever.
'i didn't think about it like that. i'm sorry, trouble.'
he sounds sorry, you accept the apology, but just this once.
'the next time you punch somone on my behalf, it'll be because i asked you, agree?'
peter nods quick, 'yeah, yes, agreed.' you look him over, he still has some shampoo suds in his hair. 'i'm going downstairs to finish my breakfast, and the next time i see you, you better be ready to give an apology.'
he's still annoyed at the thought, but he'd do anything for you. 'yes, ma'am.'
--------
ethan had just taken your plate away to wash it when peter came down the stairs, he was fully dressed this time and his hair was only slightly damp.
he raised his eyebrows at you before taking a deep breath, calling for the brother by his last name. peter stretches before shaking out his shoulders, he called out again, but for a house meeting.
you were weary at the least and curious at the most. staying in your seat you watch carefully, each member at the house stood around in a half circle.
'it's been brought to my attention that my actions last night were out of line and childish. i let myself, my brother and my frat down. it's a rule we try to solve things with words first, and i didn't do that.'
a few eyes flash towards you, you know they're all thinking about how you got him to apologize.
peter turns to look at his brother with a purple ring coating his left eye. 'i should've never hit you and i'm sorry.'
'ah, it's alright, man. i came after your girl, i'd do the same.' your eyebrows turn in with how quick things turned around. guys are so easy.
peter still feels like it's not right, so he speaks up.
'the apology may have been prompted by someone else,' everyone knows who, 'but this part wasn't.'
peter looks at his fellow member, 'i want you to punch me.' soft oo's pour from the groups mouths, you feel choked up. the brother looks nervous, 'are you sure?'
'yeah, it's only fair. i punched you, you punch- oh, son of a bitch!’ a righthook to his jaw, he didn't see it coming.
peter held his face and hissed, 'fuck me, that sucks.'
'yeah. tell me about it. my eye's still pulsing.' peter winces, 'yeah, still sorry about that.'
a red splotch painted peter's jawline, making sure to look at the small crowd when he spoke. 'if you guys have a problem with my girl hanging around, you let me know, not her. and i promise, no punching.'
when no one adds anything he looks to his friend, 'we good or you need another hit?' the brother raises a fist, before lowering it and cracking a smile. 'we're good bro.'
the members disperse, you slow clap for peter.
'very impressed, parker.' his nose scrunches, he hates when you call him by his last name. 'does that mean i'm out of the dog house?'
you reach out for him with a pucker, he gives a slow kiss, it's the first one you've given him since you've seen him.
'hm, i'm gonna need at least three more kisses before i think about it.'
peter has no quelms in finishing your request.
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bradtomlovesya · 1 year
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Perfectly Wrong
Peter Parker x Reader
Summary: You realize you were always his second option.
Warnings: ANGST!, Bad ending, Idiot Peter, mentions of alcohol, mentions of being drunk.
W/c: 1.2k+
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"You don't understand. You just don't get it, y/n" Peter denies looking at the floor.
"What don't I understand?" you ask with tear-filled eyes. "Why is it so hard for you to explain things to me, Peter?"
"Because even if I explained it to you, you wouldn't understand." He denies again. "Not like her."
 "Not like her?" Your heart hurts just hearing it. It's true that Peter is drunk, but it doesn't mean his words hurt you any less.
"You're never going to understand it like she did." Peter takes another sip of his beer. He had started drinking since he heard that his ex-girlfriend from high school, MJ, was getting married.
But you didn't know that.
"You're drunk. It's not the best time to talk," you hold back your tears as best you can and try to take the beer from his hands.
"No! Leave the fucking beer there" he exclaims and wipes his nose.
You had been dating for a year. However, Peter never got over his ex. Not really.
"This isn't you, Peter. You're not being yourself" you beg him to stop. You love him so much that you beg him to shut the fuck up and let you stay in the fairy tale in your head where you're the only one he loves.
"This is the only way I can be honest. Without this-" he lifts the beer. "I'm a fucking coward." He laughs sarcastically.
"Stop, please stop," you beg. This isn't him, this is just the alcohol speaking for him. You try to remind yourself.
"She's getting married, dammit!"  He throws the beer against the wall making you jump.
Inhale. Exhale.
"She's going to marry someone else because I never told her who I was. Because I never made her remember me," he sobs.
"Who are you talking about, Peter?" your vision blurs with tears. He's clearly talking about another woman but you don't know who.
"She would have understood by now." he looks at you with disappointment. "Why can't you be smart like her?" he mutters.
The words cut like knives. They are darts thrown straight at your heart.
"I'm sorry" you wipe away your tears and feel yourself trembling. Not from fear, but from anxiety.
"MJ, my ex-girlfriend is marrying some random asshole." He gets up to get another beer. "And it's all my fault."
"Peter, your words are hurting me," you admit. You want him to stop. You really want him to stop. He was never like that.
"Hurting you? I'm the one who's hurting!" Hiccups. "The love of my life is marrying someone else!" He walks to the door. "I need some fresh air."
'The love of my life' you thought you were the love of his life. Whatever it is you don't want to go down without a fight.
"Wait! Tell me what can I do to make you stay. What can I say so that you won't leave. I need to know how to fix this!" You exclaim.
Strange Peter turns and stares at you with wild eyes.
"There's nothing you can do, y/n. Like I said before, you're not her. You're never going to be her and I want to die at the thought of it." He tenses his jaw and mumbles. He looks like a real psycho.
"This isn't about me. It's not about us. It's about you and I don't want you to do something stupid that you're going to regret." You try to reason with the stranger in front of you. Now you understand why Peter didn't like to drink alcohol.
"Oh, trust me. I'm already regretting it" he nods and presses his hands against his red eyes.
"We were fine, Peter" you reason crying your eyes out. "Everything was fine" your head is racing. "Why is this happening?" you feel the air rushing out of you.
The pressure in your chest becomes too much, you find it hard to breathe, your vision is blurred and you squat down with tears in your eyes and your hand pressed against your chest trying to calm down even though you feel like you are dying.
That's when Peter understands and stops, you are having a panic attack.
He slowly approaches you as if testing the waters and kneels down in front of you to help you breathe. Apparently the consequences of his actions threw him into an immediate wave of sobriety.
"Breathe in. Breathe out with me," he murmurs with his hand on your back.
Even though you want to pull away because he hurt you, you don't. You can't. His body heat feels good and slowly you feel yourself recovering.
"I didn't even know there was anyone else, Peter," you murmur between sobs as your breathing calms. "If I had known I wouldn't have let myself fall in love with you," you confront him. How could he do this?
"I shouldn't have drunk. I turn into someone else when I do, I'm sorry," he says honestly, but for you it's too late. Parker broke you from the inside out.
"I'm sorry the love of your life is getting married. Even though I thought I was the love of your life." You look at him sadly. You don't know what to do. You just know that staying hurts more than leaving so you get up.
"Y/n I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I blew up and I shouldn't have done it, I- I don't know what came over me." He speaks. The remorse in his voice is more than noticeable. "Don't go, we can fix it," he tries to speak even though he knows is too late. He's screwed up.
"You gave me a lot of things Peter... although those things were thorns when you promised roses" you walk away slowly. You try to work up the courage to leave him.
"Wait wait wait. What I said doesn't mean anything."
"It was all a lie" you stare at the floor. Emotions subside, reason appears. "You never loved me" you deny. "My God, it was all a farce. I want it to stop" you cover your eyes with your hands wishing that if this is a nightmare, you wake up now. But you don't, 'Cause what is happening is happening in real life.
"Stop it. It's not true," Peter denies. "You know I do love you. I-" he pauses to think about his words. "It's the alcohol's fault. This isn't me, you know me y/n" he struggles as a drowning man moves his hands and legs to save himself.
"You were only with me because you couldn't be with her, Parker!". You scream in frustration. The truth is like a bath of ice water. "I was your second choice all this time. And why? You were lonely? You didn't want to wake up in an empty bed? WHY?!" you scream. "Why?" You scream again.
"I thought I was ready for a new relationship. I waited years to date someone else after her." clarifies Peter. "I just have these feelings sometimes and I can't control it."
"You don't have to control them from now on. You're on your own, Benjamin" you wipe away your tears and shake your head. "I deserve better" you nod "I hope you get over her and can move on with your life" you walk away.
"And what about what we promised?" He asks. He is desperate for you not to leave.
"It went all to trash when you decided to love two people at the same time" you talk without looking at him. "Don't look for someone else until you are ready, Peter" you glare at him. "You don't get how much it hurts".
And just like that, the front door closes. You're gone.
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Peter Parker tags:
@raajali3 @fangirling-galore @powerpuffluuvv @itszulli @hallecarey1 @xoxokiaraaxoxo @kaitieskidmore1 @lnmp89 @pure-a-tea @vixparker @army24--7 @spiderydreams00 @my-name-duh @nani-2305 @Mochimms @ietss @prancerrparkerr @Lynnzilla3000 @hpsgirlrw @Lynnzilla3000 @hollandweather
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fanstuffrantings · 19 days
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Honestly, I hope Ruben is related to Professor hopclap by being his Nephew/son/cousin or whatever. Because the idea of the Rat grinders building up thoughts that the bad kids have unfair advantages when all the advantages the bad kids have mirror the Rat grinders would be so juicy. Kipperlily being a rich kid matches up with Fabian already. It would make their arguments petty and superficial, which completely tracks for teenagers.
Teenagers get emotional and reactive. This isn't me saying that teenagers are terrible people and that they're wrong for their feelings, but more so that teenagers tend to be incredibly hormonal and impulsive, which high school doesn't help. Their jealousy makes it so that all of their arguments about how unfair it is that the bad kids get preferential treatment far outweighs the sensible thought that the bad kids are just as privileged (maybe even slightly less so depending on how supportive the parents are) as the right grinders.
Sometimes, hatred you have for people doesn't make complete sense. The bad kids largely are very welcoming and friendly. Some of them can be knuckleheads, but for the most part what they do is always to help others. They're the cool kids in school even if we as the viewers don't always notice it because we see them for the dorks they are. In freshmen year they got arrested for murder charges, broke out of prison after a few months, and saved the day from the vice principal who they'd been actively investigating for months.
In sophomore year both during spring break and summer they save the world 2 more times when their spring break quest unfolded into something bigger.
They're legends at Aguefort and that means all of their classmates probably get incredibly overshadowed.
They see the accomplishments without the sacrifices. They don't think about Kristen dying in the nightmare forest and having to revive herself because no one else could or how tough it's been for her becoming disillusioned with her faith that told her she deserved to burn for who she was. She's the lesbian cleric who broke away from her faith, started 2 religions, weight lifts now, and is chill enough to run for president and jump into a pool of sauce on the back if a flaming motorcycle.
They don't think about Fig finding out she was a child of an affair leading to her father saying she was unwanted and her having to find who she was, something she's still doing. They see fig as the Rockstar revolutionary girl who befriends the outcasts, is the arch devil of fhe bottomless pit, daughter of Gorthalax, and person willing to smoke at any opportunity regardless of whether she'd get in trouble for it.
Fabian isn't a guy unlearning his ingrained toxic masculinity after killing his dad and being raised to believe money, intimidation, and brute strength were how you get through life. They see the captain of the football team who hosts parties at his massive mansion, rides a demonic motorcycle, has a mom dating the vice principal, and is a world class dancer.
Riz had to work through the death of his father at a young age, constant ridicule from peers who didn't want him, and a desperation to do whatever it takes to be wanted that he still hasn't gotten over. But most people see a classmate who has everything figured out and the ability to connect the dots at all times. Plus a nickname from the football team that's said with love.
Adaine with her social anxiety she's now medicated for, parents who never loved her, an older sister she's only barely starting to bond with, and a barely passing grade in her class because she has no money to make ends meet. But she's also the elven oracle, cool party wizard who summons mephits to chill drinks, magically gifted in truly amazing ways, and will always remember your name after speaking to you.
Gorgug who was lovingly raised but always felt disconnected due to his parents not being able to understand him, who had to push against porter for 2.5 years before finally getting a chance to be taught by someone who didn't talk down to him, trying his best but failing so often. But to most he's a football player, rock star, hyper intelligent mechanic, rebellious teen, and now dude who oinked at a fed.
We all as viewers are aware of their flaws and their awesome moments, but the school at large only knows their moments that gained them more attention. Of course the Rat grinders would become jealous and angry when things seem so much easier for them. Of course they'd perceive any instances of the bad kids being friendly as them looking down on others because obviously they're too popular to be genuine. But if the rat grinders can prove the bad kids are the horrible people they think they are and stop them from succeeding, then it just puts things right doesn't it?
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movievillainess721 · 2 years
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Beckon of Light
Frankie Morales x plus size f!reader
Summary: A mall trip doesn't go well with your boyfriend, Frankie.
Warnings: self doubt triggers and fluff
Author notes: This is for anyone out there who thinks that you're not good enough. That you're not beautiful enough...because let me tell you in this cruel world we live in, we let ourselves belive that standard are only one way. That we let those hateful and self doubting words deminsh our light of the beauty we all carry in our own ways. SO LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE and fuck those people who say you're not enough!!!! ❤❤❤
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A day out with Frankie; what more could a girl ask for. The morning had started tangled in sheets with Frankie happily feasting on you for breakfast. Now instead of your fingers interlocked in his hair they were in his large calloused hand. A smile on your lips as he ran his thumb over the back of your hand. You liked the roughest of his hands...you couldn't describe it but you were sure it was for the same reason Frankie enjoyed how soft you were. Like an opposites attract kind of thing.
Frankie wanted to go out to the mall to see if he could find anything special for his daughter's birthday. And Sofia had talked Frankie into having her birthday at Build a bear, so he did have to go set that up. You laughed so hard at the thought of Frankie, Benny, Will and Santi all at a Build a Bear with five other six year old girls, when Frankie had first told you.
He squeezed your hand as the two of you walked through the mall. The mall thankfully was not as busy as it would have been if you had decided to come on the weekend, you understood that sometimes that many people would trigger Frankie's anxiety and other times it would trigger yours. While Frankie's anxiety stems from his years of service, yours had been created by your size. The world's beauty standards looked down on you because you were not the ideal shape. You honestly don't even ever remember being thin. You were a small town country girl who honestly was the only bigger girl in your class in high school. Now that doesn't mean you were bullied, infact you got along and clicked with everybody....but it still didn't make it hurt any less when all of your friends were skinny. Malls were like hitting the jackpot of shopping sprees for them, while you only bought things when you were lucky enough to find something that didn't look your Grandmother would wear it. Stores like Abercrombie & Finch, Victoria Secrets were your friends favorite. Then as you watched them try on outfit after outfit with a smile plastered on your face your confidence slowly became doubt that you would never ever be beautiful. Your friends would tease you that they wished they had your big boobs, you'd laugh and say something sarcastic but in reality you wished you were they're size. Only thing Victoria Secrets had that you adored was their perfume and to this day you still wore ones of them. It's one of Frankie's favorite things about you. Your scent was sweet and cozy Frankie always told you it made him think of your shared house... you smelled like home to him. Which that reminds you, you're almost out.
"Baby?" Frankie says to you causing your attention to look at his handsome face. He's got a grin on his lips.
"What are you thinking?" He asked.
"I need more perfume. Do you want spilt up? Build a Bear is a few stores away from where I get my perfume...unless you want me to go with you in case you forget any questions?" You suggest.
Frankie squeezes your hand. He always blows him how much you look out for him and Sofia. He knows your heart is pure gold. It's one of so many things he loves about you. With everything that happened after he break up with Sofia's mom then the failed mission and Tom's death...his drug problem and suspended pilot's license...you came into his life like a beckon of light. He still doesn't get how fate brought you two together but he fell hard and then after five dates the two of you had sex for the first time...Frankie just knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. That was three years ago. He just had one more payment and the ring would be his.
"Sure, that will give us more time to search for the perfect gift before we have to go pick Sofia up. Meet me back here in 15." Frankie said.
You nodded then playfully saluted him. "Roger."
Frankie chuckled then gave you a peak on the lips and you both headed in the opposite directions.
When you walked into the store, you could feel stares and the prickling of anxiety forming. You noticed as you walked farther into the store there were two younger than you women shopping and one of them had their boyfriend with them. You kept your head slightly down and continued on. The perfumes, soaps and lotions were of course strategically placed at the back of the store, so you would have to walk through the whole store to get to them. You sighed. You were on a mission get what you needed and get out....but doubt has a funny way of showing up uninvited. What if the last three years were coming to end with Frankie? What if he realized he wanted something better....prettier and thinner?
As you searched for the scent you wanted, you felt the presence of the group just a few feet away from you and that's when you heard the comments.
"Why does she even come in here that's the only thing in that will fit her....besides if that perfume hasn't got her a man yet I doubt it ever will."
You felt the tears begin to collect in the corner of your eyes. Why did people have to be so cruel? You thought as you grabbed the box in your hand and slowly backed away pausing to look at the group. You wanted to say something but you didn't...instead you headed towards the front of the store.
"....there is no way someone is fucking that." was the half hushed comment as you walked away.
It was half way through the store when a tear rolled down your cheek. You needed to get out of here and as you got to the checkout counter ready to pay for your perfume you decided you didn't want it. You looked at the girl behind the counter.
"I'm sorry...I don't want it. Sorry." And with that you walked away and out of the store. You wiped a few stray tears away from your cheek trying to calm yourself before you met up with Frankie.
You found him exiting Build a Bear, and you tried full heartedly to put on a fake smile but Frankie knows you too well.
"No bag?" He asked with a small frown.
"No. They were out of the one I get." You lied.
Frankie's frown grew as he took your hand.
"Carino, what's wrong?"
"Nothing....let's go find Sofia presents." You said changing the subject.
Frankie let it slide and nodded. The two of you found yourselves walking towards a kids clothing store which by the power of the gods above was next to a toy store. You were very quiet as you browsed with Frankie. He would hold up a few items to show but your mind was just to far away.
"Nothing is screaming Sofia to me in here Baby...let's go next door." Frankie announced when in truth he knew for a fact that anything with mermaids or unicorns on would have Sofia squealing with happiness.
You nodded taking Frankie's hand again and the two of you walked into the next store. Your quietness was starting to worry Frankie. He knew deep down in his heart something happened to you. He sighed as the two of you looked through the aisle of Barbies. He suddenly stopped and turned to you placing a hand your cheek. You wouldn't make eye contact with him.
"Baby, I know something is wrong....please tell me." He said softly as ran his thumb over your cheek and a tear rolled down onto his thumb.
You looked up into the those big brown puppy eyes and another tear fell. " This won't last forever with us.....you'll leave me and find someone prettier."
Frankie was in complete shock as he now placed his other hand up to caress your other cheek all the while shaking his head.
"Carino....where is this coming from?"
"When I was....I over heard some really rude comments about my body. I'm not beautiful Frankie....you deserve better." You said softly.
"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and I don't give a fuck what the world says. Baby, do you know you saved me? I was in such a dark place before I met you...i was only a year sober, I was barely allowed to see Sofia.... your light shined so bright when I met you I knew I never wanted to go back to the darkness ever again. I doubled down on my meetings, started therapy and kept asking you out on dates. And that night after our fifth date I knew I would never let you go. I love you more than you know." Frankie explained then wiped away your tears and kissed your lips.
"I love you too Frankie." You say through tears.
"Come on I want to show you one last store, please." Frankie stated before he kissed your lips again. You nodded and grabbed tightly onto his hand. He pulled you into his side and you both walked out of the store.
"Mr. Morales, a pleasure to see you again." A man in a suit said as you and Frankie walked into a jewelry store.
You looked up at Frankie with a look. Frankie let out a chuckle and watched as the man went into the backroom.
"Frankie what are you doing?" You asked.
The man came back with a small box and placed it on the counter. The man smiled to you and you both watched as Frankie picked up the box then opened it turning to you.
"Mi amor, I had a plan to do this more romantically, but you need to know that you are good enough. That I don't want anyone else but you. And if you say yes, I'll spend the rest of my days chasing away your doubts that you're anything less than the light you are....will you marry me?" Frankie said as he took the small yellow diamond out of the box.
Tears rolled down your cheeks. "Yes, Frankie!" You answered before you watched him slip it on your finger with a perfect fit.
End
General Taglist: @whiskeynwriting @wildemaven @fishingforpike @vanemando15 @littlemisspascal @boliv-jenta @axshadows @supernaturalgirl20
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found-wings · 6 months
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playing around with the potential idea of the federation taking phil to 'fix' him but just making shit worse- this would 100% lead to separation anxiety for these little codebreakers, with the idea that even warping away from each other for too long could leave an opening for a federation worker / cucurucho to take phil back for further 'research'
i don't think it'd be a conscious and noticeable thing though, as if his friend got taken etoiles would probably stay as calm as he can and reassure himself that he'll save him soon. similar to everyone panicking about the eggs and him saying 'I don't know why everyone is freaking out, we're just gonna go save them again like we always do it's chill'. but there'd be a minor shift in behavior, such as taking more breaks in his explorations to plop a waystone and check in with phil and show him new shit he's found, or more busy texts just sent to make sure a response is given and nothing bad had happened.
(in qsmp etoiles uses warp scrolls- probably because it's a quick craft and doesn't have the cooldown that warpstones have, but I imagine in this AU the millisecond etoiles gets phil back he just dumps a stack of scrolls on him like "take it !! do you want to travel and have to wait three to five business days just to grab a single stack of blocks at home ?? i didn't think so-" and acting as if this gift is one of convince and because he 'has too many in his backpack' and not one out of genuine fear for his friend potentially not having the ability to escape a location fast enough because of a dumb avoidable cooldown) - 💿
Oh my god I LOVE THIS AAA
Staying closer around Phil during bigger events ( that are already just chaos pure with the amount of people there ) a little longer than needed is brushed off as there just not being enough space because it‘s logical, before he rushes off to get rid of any enemies around or join in on some silly bantering when there‘s nothing to fight.
More breaks in his travels to check up on others, especially with Phil, are brushed off as simply having forgotten to grab something or similar. It happens sometimes, y’know? If he ends up getting distracted by bantering around with Phil and showing off his new things a little more again, then neither of them mention it.
Every time Etoiles doesn‘t understand why everyone is freaking out over the disappearance of the Eggs or People - when it hasn‘t been the first time it happened now, getting them back just the same was reason enough to show that they were all capable of saving them - he doesn’t notice when his own thoughts start occasionally drifting off to what else the Federation could do to Phil if they got their hands on him again.
And then we have Phil, who does his best to not let anything get to him after the first time.
He can’t help the instinct of always needing to be up high and perched, finding himself on constant alarm almost. He starts maybe building places higher up in an subconscious attempt to find this soothing, safe feeling, while he also battles the urge of wanting to stay inside the wall, in the bunker, all day and isolate again but that is too cramped, too full. And he has things to do, after all!
Phil finds himself subconsciously grabbing at and fidgeting with the warp scrolls Etoiles gave him more often when he’s out and alone & his warpstone is on cooldown, ready to dip at any given moment if need to be.
He finds himself looking for company of other People more often because surely being around others means less of a chance for the Federation to try and take him back again. If he just so happens to stick around Etoiles more than usual too, then nobody else mentions it.
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simmonsized · 2 years
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Is it cool if I keep asking for your hcs? They’re pretty fun tbh. I got excited seeing the notification for the last one and they did not disappoint. Maybe I’ll ask for Alpha Dave this time because he’s pretty fun in your fic. I love his characterization a lot! Mom Lalonde would be nice too but hmm, maybe next ask? Or do both if you’d like to. It’s really up to you.
I just really like your guardians hehe.
Of course!!!! Honestly it is a lot of fun for me and it gives me an excuse to talk because, you know! Tbh it's the first time anyone has asked me in depth about any of the silly stuff I spend all my time thinking about, so I kind of love it! (also please always ask abt the guardians, i really like them, too!!)
WARNING THIS GOT AWAY FROM ME AFTER ALL IT’S VERY LONG I’M SORRY
SO: Alpha Dave (in context of rng)
A!Dave (and Bro) broke his nose when he was 13, for plot reasons, so his nose is slightly crooked (lists to the left)
He is Tall and hunches constantly because he hates being the tallest person in the room but no he doesn't but yes he does
Also it makes it easier to talk to people shorter than him
He can in fact fit into alpha Rose's clothes
He's a nail biter
This man has anxiety
He didn't get his glasses until he met Ben Stiller obviously so before that he would just wear very funny plastic sunglasses
Speaking of plastic this man own nothing but plastic cups EXCEPT
He owns one Whataburger mug that he has had since he was 10
He slept on John Crocker's floor for like, 4 years when he said he was going to college (he did not go to college)
This man did not even bother finishing high school
The Con Air Museum was a birthday present for John (he never got to see it in person)
Absolutely refuses to eat the crusts on his pizza and leaves them lying around the house for weeks until someone else picks them up
Only owns 7 pairs of socks god help him
Yes some of them have no heel
Also Left-handed for obvious reasons
collected Zoobooks until the fall of the humanity meant the publishing company went under
He keeps them in the back of his closet where no one but him will ever know
The secret to guardians is that they are duty-bound to their "kid", even if it means dying for them (example Mr bro bad man strider) but their separation over time and a whole life lived has caused Dave (and Rose) to lose most of that. Interpret any changes after meeting Dirk as you will
He is really bad with kids, mostly because
Dave Strider does not like kids
He does not like talking to kids, does not know how to talk to kids, because by the time he died at 65, there were no kids left for him to talk to, and he is just. Kind of a weird dude
My man has not had an apple juice in literally 16 years
Also to reference my last post, the alpha guardian formula [(2024+4n)-1995+t] means he and Rose were 65 when they died, according to RNG canon
He also broke his arm when he was 12 :)
He has never been to Disneyworld but used to take himself to Disneyland once a year for Christmas, sometimes Rose if she would fly out for him
He used to work in a record shop in Houston
This man can cook even less than Mom Lalonde
all his chapter titles have a theme
He does not like puppets but his proximity to Dirks (and Bro) are giving him pretty much unwanted exposure therapy lmfao
His favorite soda is Cherry Cola :)!
This man has never wanted anyone to like him as much as he desperately wants every iteration of Dirk Strider to like him
He is more interested in getting his own way than placating people, and this causes him to routinely mow over other people's thoughts and feelings
If he realizes he cannot get his way this way, he switches to Being Nice
He cannot (will not) stop following after Bro Strider like a lost dog after a bone no this will not change
It's fucked up but he is genuinely jealous that, at times, Dirk appears to get along better with Bro than he does with Dave
He uses strawberry scented shampoo
But still buys cvs brand detergent yes even now
He has scars across his knuckles in the exact same pattern as Bro Strider
He's also got the same scar across his palm as Bro :)
Only ties his shoes into bunny ears
There was a time when the alpha guardians did not know that their lil packages would never arrive
Can sleep literally everywhere on everything
Undisclosed back injury that causes bouts of sciatica from time to time
Is 120% more likely to accidentally kill a person than Bro Strider, but both of them have that kind of control you only get from a lifetime of not being particularly kind to yourself
Not afraid of blood
Has always wanted to go to a candy store
Actually likes driving BUT
Possibly the second most reckless driver out of all the guardians, after Mom Lalonde
Has some fucked up way of viewing both the Daves through the lens of his younger self, but unfortunately for all Daves, dead (or recently back to life) daves are the enemy
Did not learn how to swim until he was in his teens
Alpha Rose Lalonde was his only friend for like 20 years and my god, it shows
It is actually so fucking funny to me that bro spent so long trying to get Dave to stab him, on purpose, and yes this is also about Bro but mostly about Dave, and yes, he was in fact hoping Dave would stab him, and he was also a little disappointed that Dave had enough control to stop himself
Probably also impressed
Dave thought he was fucking insane (he is) and thus felt guilty every single fucking time because it's just a Dirk (bad)
But also at the same time has the same compulsion as Bro to like. Poke him until one of them gets stabbed by a sword, on purpose.
Wears a watch for the funnies
I really like the concept that Dave and Rose both maintained some kind of connection to their aspects but for Dave who never had a connection to the horrorterrors or Light (fortune), he mostly came across as what I am currently calling "a Failed Knight" (thus my joke about the old knight adage, "service without complaint")
Has a tendency to put things into his pockets instead of his sylladex without thinking about it
Started smoking younger than Bro
Pall malls, always, shitty on purpose, yes
Learned to sit still during [redacted] but has since pretty much lost that ability and is now completely fucking unlikely to stand still for longer than necessary unless it's like
Performative
I think he is more likely to yell than Dave, because that cold anger is a Learned Trait, and I think he has a lot to be angry about
He absolutely is going to need bifocals one day never before has a man squinted so much as a computer screen for so long
Coffee is half his diet
His favorite color is blue
stardust is an intentional parallel of neptunium
Remember that time Dave beheaded a juggalo president and no one talks about it what the fuck is up with that
He also has a fucked up death scar but I think I already said that
Thank you for asking I'm realizing I could go forever so I'm stopping here
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jolteonwrites · 17 days
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𝘐𝘍 𝘛𝘏𝘌 𝘎𝘖𝘖𝘋 𝘋𝘐𝘌 𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘕𝘎, 𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘕 𝘐'𝘔 𝘎𝘖𝘕𝘕𝘈 𝘓𝘐𝘝𝘌 𝘍𝘖𝘙𝘌𝘝𝘌𝘙
It starts in high school.
It usually does. John drinks at parties, tries it all. Beer, cider. Gets bolder, goes for vodka, whiskey, tequila. Some red wine that's somehow worse that all of those combined. He tries his first blunt at fifteen and he's never found sitting in a circle on the floor so funny before.
And that's all it is. He does it with his friends. It's normal. He's experimenting.
Then he goes to college. It's just the thing he's been expected to do. His mom is proud and his dad is pleased. John's just trying to get through it, wade in as deep as he dares to go and hopes the anxiety and wears off eventually. Maybe if he sticks it out long enough, he won't feel lost any more. Lightbulb moment. It doesn't come.
He's a lot more free here than at home. Doesn't have to cover up being wasted when he gets home at 3AM, or lie about a hangover. He can just be. So he drinks more. Every weekend, even. It's part of the college experience. He blacks out more times than he can count across two semesters. It helps him make friends. He doesn't rot in his dorm room if he's got some liquid confidence (he also doesn't make it to most lectures either, but his dad doesn't need to know that). He usually wakes up from it sick to his stomach and filled with dread, eyes heavy as he stares at himself in the mirror. He doesn't feel any less lost. The 'college experience' feels a lot like how John figures it feels to be jilted. Aren't these supposed to be the best years of his life? Why is he in a cold sweat about the future and all the stupid shit he said last night? He grips the sink until it doesn't feel like retribution any more.
I swear I'm not an alcoholic, I'm only nineteen. I've seen alcoholics and they don't look like me.
Being in a band opens a lot of doors, John finds. Behind those doors, there's usually people using drugs of some description.
He's not stupid; he knows the risks. Got all the talks about it at school. It's a shame, really, he thinks. How can something so awful be so wonderful?
He floats above his worries on uppers until his wax wings melt and he goes lower than he's ever been. It's hard to swim back up when he's so deep he can't see the surface. So he tries more, tests more limits, gets a different kind of high. Coke helps the most onstage when he's really worn out (van sleeping with four other boys and however many crew they can fit in the back doesn't make for the healthiest lifestyle).
He ends up digging a grave for some other lost soul this way. He almost climbs into his own in a hotel room in the dead of night a few months later but something stops him. Something like a ghost. He doesn't take any drugs for a while after that.
I swear I'm not an addict, I'm only twenty-three. I've seen addicts and they don't look like me. He's a number of years away from being a college drop-out now (and a disappointment to his dad), touring with his friends. It's a big, fancy bus and not a van and that feels like they've really made it.
He still can't talk to girls that well and still feels like he's making life up as he goes along, but maybe that's okay. He can sit in the feeling of being lost and be at peace with it. He's hurt himself a few times, hurt a few others a lot more. Took another knock every time because he didn't mean to do it and he doesn't know why he can't wise up a little bit.
It's okay though, because he has the best job in the world with his very best friends and that usually makes things feel okay again. He's got a bottle in his hand most nights on stage. Sometimes he loses his balance, just sings on the floor. Nobody says anything about it. Why would they? It's the lifestyle. He's still there, he's not blackout in a green room unable to perform.
The beer helps him sleep, anyway. He has a lot of trouble sleeping on the road. Anywhere that's not home, really. Beer usually knocks him out, as long as he drinks two or more. It's not always the most restful experience but at least he's not lying awake until it's almost time to get up again. Saves time if he drinks onstage for the good part, still has enough buzz to take photos with the kids, and then he can go to bed later with no trouble.
He only stares at his bunk ceiling for a few minutes before he nods off most nights, as long as he's drunk.
I swear I'm not an alcoholic, I'm only twenty-six. I've seen alcoholics, and they don't look like me.
John can't stop hurting everyone he knows.
He can't stop striking the match and letting it fall onto the gasoline; it torches everyone while he watches. It burns him around the edges, but he has to walk away mostly in one piece. Knowing.
When his friends can't keep up, he makes new ones. When the party inevitably ends, he gets an invite to another. He can't and won't sit in the pain if he doesn't have to, and he's not suicidal so it's okay. It's just a good time.
Everyone thinks he's better now so he can make that true, as long as he doesn't think about anything he's ever done. Whenever he hits the bottom, he sees her face. A blur above the surface, someone that he would call. But he doesn't. There's nobody left to call. Who could want this?
He's sick in the mornings and he doesn't dwell on thoughts of her, or he'd start too early in the day. She burns up in his mind. He didn't mean to devastate her life more than a man before him already had. Nineteen's so far away, but he's still looking at a boy in the mirror who doesn't know where to go. His knuckles turn white on the rim of the sink, and he thinks he might smash the glass to pieces if he weren't so scared of blood.
I think I might be an addict and I'm almost thirty-three. I've met so many addicts and they all look like me.
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you-are-perfectt · 1 year
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Isolation
I am 25 now. Young to some, yet old to others. I've always been placed in the category of "wise beyond my years." Yet, now when I think about it, does/did anyone actually wonder what that really entails? My perception on life comes from experiences in my youth that I would not wish on any young person. Sometimes I ponder on the younger me, as I am trying to better myself, she feels like a child I never bore. I wish I could have been the protector she needed.
Yet, I do not blame my parents. Two human beings, trying their best in this unfair, unjust life. I was the youngest of four. My mother having me at 25 and here I am at the same age. The thought of raising four children, working multiple jobs, giving her absolute all... I love her. I respect her. I look up to her.
All the while, no one knew, I was being sexually assaulted. It created intense, crippling anxiety in me. For years, I myself, had no idea what was happening to me. Being so young. At times, I blame my father. If only he cared as much as my mother. If only he was as nice as her. I can remember him always being so angry. Growing up now, I can understand him being clinically diagnosed with bipolar disorder. At the end of the day, it doesn't "right his wrongs" but I can now understand more.
I actually have no idea why I am typing this. It feels freeing I guess? I don't personally know anyone on here and I've had this account since I was thirteen, I think? I have gotten way off subject for the reasoning of why I titled this "Isolation".
I read a post before typing this, about a woman feeling sad because she doesn't have girl friends. It hit home because that used to be me. For years, I isolated myself, unbeknownst to me. My SA was from the ages of maybe 4-8or9? But I didn't really understand what happened to me until I was 14. So around 14-15 is when I started self-sabotaging and really feeling just feeling disgusted with myself. So, I isolated.
I felt as if everyone knew something was wrong with me, as if it was my fault what happened to me. I mean, come on... we all know how much pressure we felt in high school. My middle sister, just three years older than me, was making really bad decisions in life. I won't go into much detail but my parents were so focused on her that (looking back now) in a way I felt neglected. I lost any care for anything important in life.
They say your mind blocks out traumatizing events, which is why some peoples childhood is hazy. That explains mine. It explains why it has and is taking me years to overcome what happened to me. I know now why my sister acted out, for a better sense of words, when she did. We both were sexually abused by the same person, for years. Except, I am sure it affected her more at the time because she could remember more, being older.
To refrain from making this long story any longer, I am happy to admit that I am overcoming my childhood trauma. I wanted to shed miniscule backlight, for anyone who might see this, maybe you can relate? It does get better. Which is something I used to scoff at and think "not for someone like me".
It is an everyday task and I still have bad days. Days where I feel mental walls, like cement, that I can't push past. I've realized that, that feeling is okay. We need days to rest and be mentally okay. That does NOT make us weak or less capable than any other person. Accept yourself, love yourself. There is so much power in being YOU!
Looking back now, it's comical how 14-year-old me made the account name to my Tumblr as "you-are-perfect" when I was FAR from believing that in myself. Manifest your dream life babes. BELEIVE in your words and your mind, every day, even when it feels stupid or that it's "not working". I am here to vouch that IT. GETS . BETTER.
With Love,
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casscainsbiceps · 1 year
Text
tl;dr my uncle and his gf might move in with my fam, which means i no longer have a workspace and i'm very mentally unwell about it lol
(tw for mental health and suicide discussions, also waaaaaay too much babbling under the cut. excuse me and ignore this lol)
the longer story is that my uncle and his gf live in pinas and applied for a tourist visa to where i live, which they got approval for. visas allow em up to 6 months of visitation, but that's fine bc they currently have plans to return to pinas and mostly want the paper trail that they've left pinas and were able to legally go to a different country. and obvi along w, like, all the ofw dreams of just being abroad somewhere foreign
they're planning to stay here w my fam, since it's my mom's older bro, and he's stayed w us before when he was on a diff tourist visa some years back. he was fine to live with, he's technically my one of my godfathers, and i generally just didn't really care that he was around. i don't even mind that his gf is coming along with this time. we have a basement they can stay in, and since he left on his last visa, we may even have slightly more space bc we got rid of a ton of crap.
the problem is literally me
i work in the basement bc i can't work in my bedroom. i cannot count the number of times my therapist and group therapy has told me that "the bedroom is a place only for sleep and sex. if you start associating it with other activities, it'll be harder to keep that connection, and it will lead to a harder time sleeping."
it took some fuckin time, but i eventually started listening to that advice. not 100% bc im a stubborn idiot, but i at least did anxiety-inducing things like work and therapy outside of my room so i could have less associations of hating myself when i'm in my bed
but now that my uncle and gf are coming, it means they're gonna use the basement to stay in. the basement is my workspace.
which means there's no longer any free space to work at home from.
which means i will be forced to work in my room.
for some context: i had several panic attacks the first week or so i started job hunting + the first week i was employed at prev places, and still get triggered during group therapy even over zoom. i noticed at one point that i started avoiding the basement bc it just reminded me of all the anxiety i'll have to face from logging on. it took a few weeks of doing non-work/fun activities in my workspace to remind myself that a work desk doesn't have to become a new trigger. it's not a perfect solution bc i still avoid the basement sometimes, but the dread at least has lessened a bit
and now there's a 99% chance that i'll have to put all of That into my bedroom, bc there is 0 space left in my house to work from.
into my bedroom, where for the first time since probably high school, i feel kinda safe in. not totally, but a bit more than when i was in college.
if you can imagine, i'm not having a good time thinking about this reality lol.
the current alternatives are:
1) get a job that gets me outside the house
a fuckin horrible idea bc it WILL make my anxiety a LOT worse for a number of reasons
eg 1: the likelihood of catching covid just being at work (much less commuting) is a possibility i need to eliminate, bc once my uncle and gf move in, that'll mean i'm living with FOUR senior-aged adults—3 of whom i'm certain of has health issues that could be complicated w covid
eg 2: my parents will not be happy if i have to work on-site full time, which will be exacerbated by the above reason and then some, and UnHappy Parents mean A Very Bad Time At Home For Me
eg 3: i am a hermit with anxiety. of course i don't wanna leave home
i could keep going but this tangent is long enough lol
2) put my workspace into my room + have dividers set up so at least i can't see my desk from my bed
theoretically possible if i rearrange my room
the problem is i have the tiniest bedroom in the house
on top of the fact that my room is already packed to the brim—even without all my garbage—just with a twin bed, a very old and small desk, and three bookshelves
"then just get rid of one of the shelves!" you say
ah but see: i. have. so. much. garbage in my room that if it weren't for that shelf, everything would be on the floor
(as it is several things are on the floor anyway bc nothing can fit on my shelves anymore.........)
"then just clean out the garbage!" you say
ah yes but you see the last time i cleaned literally one (1!!!!) level of a shelf (not even the whole bookshelf, just one level of it!) i had a panic attack
i didn't even organize or throw away anything on it; all i did was wipe down the half cm layer of dust and freaked out
"how do you get a panic attack from cleaning a bookshelf????" you ask
well you see while this entire blog is a digital testament of my mental unwellness, my bedroom and shelves are the irl equivalent
which is why it means so much to me that i finally started considering my room as a safe place again, after several very long years of not being able to do so
in short: i am fucked the moment i start this process, fucked the entire process, and fucked once it's all over bc it definitively means that i will be forced to do work and zoom therapy in my bedroom
3) work somewhere else in the house
my bro already works from his bedroom
my dad already works in the dining room
my mom already works and has been working from the living room for years
the basement is off-limits with my uncle and his gf coming
i cannot think of anything worse than putting my workspace in my parents' room other than outright vacating my own bedroom and moving into theirs while we still live together
technically the dining room might be big enough for my set up and my dad's but once my uncle and his gf arrive we're probs gonna have to eat in the dining room since the kitchen can barely hold 4 people in there at the same time
("why do y'all have to eat together???" you have never met my mom have you? she's Very Particular about mealtimes and WILL Throw A Fit every time we don't eat together.)
(like, she does this now when my bro gets overtime at work. she doesn't bitch and get pissy constantly like she used to, but She Will Make Her Displeasure Known)
(which of course just feeds into the whole UnHappy Parents Make A Very Bad Time At Home For Me thing)
4) say fuck it and kms
a very attractive alternative ngl
esp when combined with the idea that i'd be dead before 30, this is a very welcome possibility for me 👀
alas, committing suicide while my uncle and his gf are living w us would be really be shameful for my fam, and i gotta save face bc of asian culture and all that
(and, yanno, all those years of therapy just amounting to nothing lol)
so idk!!! im very stuck rn!!!!!! i'd love to just move out and honest to god have a literal half of my life's problems be solved but i can't bc i'm poor and the housing crisis in my city means eternal mental damnation from living here and straight up dying are legitimately better options!!!
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railingsofsorrow · 2 years
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╚═══════ criminal minds
masterlist ═══════╝
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+ KEY: [ angst - A ; fluff - F ; trigger warning - TW! ; allusions to s3x - ¢ ; happy ending - ♡ ; not happy ending - ☂, not posted yet -✍ ; requested - ♟]
( fyi: "old!" means it's an old work and my writing has improved since then. )
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☆ ○ o。 ☆ 。 ○ o
‣ SPENCER REID
DRABBLES
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drabble #1 drabble #2 drabble #3 drabble #4 drabble #5 drabble #6 drabble #7 drabble #8 drabble #9 drabble #10 drabble #11
BLURBS
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sleep talking │based on the prompt “do you love cats more than me?” F (old!)
love is a two-way street │based on the prompt “you're there for me. and, I'm there for you.” (old!) A,TW!,F,♡ dissociation │based on the prompt “have you ever looked in the mirror and not recognize what you were seeing?” A,TW!,♡ (old!)
extraordinary │the one where there's a wedding, two terrible dancers, and two fools head over heels in love on the dance floor. F, ♡ (old!)
love language │in which there were three things about him that made her fall in love. F, A , ♡ (old!) ⟿ wonderland of you │in which there three things that made him realised he was head over heels for her. ﹃ sequel to love language but it can be read as a standalone. F, A , ♡ (old!) new words │baby reid is excited to learn new words. F, ♡ (old!) falling asleep on you │spencer and reader are oblivious sleepy babies. F, ♡
(not so) stupid things │meet cute F, ♡, A (if you squint)
open the door | spencer visits you after three days of radio silence. and he will stand by your door until you open it. A, ♡, TW!
✍ different ways of saying I love you │in which there are many ways that someone can say I love you, but he doesn't notice any of them. A, F, ♡
do you need me? │ based on the prompt "don't come over, I can handle it." A, F, ♡
what if I read to you? | “You're not a very good liar, sweetheart.” “I'm fine.” A, F, ♡
✍ what's wrong? │the one where you need some grounding after a hard day. A, F, ♡
✍ untitled | when you're drunk, your ability to hold your tongue is compromised. F, ♡
ONE-SHOTS
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late arrivals and alpacas sweaters │reader and spencer have an argument and give each other the silent treatment. until a certain elevator ride. A,F, ♡ (old!) two minutes │it takes less than two minutes to lose someone you love, specially when they are the ones putting themselves in danger. A,♡ (old!) ruptures of a high end │based on the prompt “if tomorrow didn't come, what would you do today?” A, ☂ ⟿ a mending fate │reader avoids spencer like the plague and he just can't take it anymore. A, ♡ ﹃ sequel to ruptures of a high end. we sort of complete each other │reader has an anxiety attack and spencer helps her through it. A, F, TW!, ♡ still friends │why did spencer agree to that stupid break-up? A, ☂
⟿ dance with me | who would have thought that a glass of water could make you sway in your feet in more ways than one? ﹃ part of the “still friends” short series. can be read as a standalone. A, open ending
recharging. . . │all spencer needs is his little family to feel better. A, F, TW!, ♡
late night talking | your body language was too familiar for him to erase. and he wouldn't be able to do it if he tried. based on the prompts “have you ever been scared of the future?” “multiple times.” “what made you move on?” “I haven't.” ﹃ part of “the harry styles anthology” A, F, TW!, open ending!
“you're mad.” | in which a phone call ruined your day... or not. A, TW!,♡
✍ don't walk out | “we can fight and we can be mad but we can't leave.” A, F, ♡
✍ one call away | your healing told through phone calls. or... in which you take a leave from work for indefinite time to pull yourself together and your best friend is always just one call away. A, F, ♡, TW!
MULTICHAPTER FICS
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Ⅰ. mess is mine │garcia meets her soulmate; spencer is In Love ™; reader's emotions are all over the place and emily prentiss knows everything. F, A, ¢ Ⅱ. riptide │reader can't stop ignoring the elephant in the room; spencer is too oblivious and penelope garcia is just doing her magic. A, ¢, ☂ ﹃ sequel to mess is mine. A, ¢, ☂ Ⅲ. winds of change │they make a decision. F, A, TW!,♡ ﹃ sequel to riptide. F, A, TW!,♡ countdown │the team is on countdown to find you, but it feels like you're out of their radar. A, TW!, ♡ Ⅰ. purple scarf │your secret relationship is not so secret anymore. F, ♡, ¢ , ♟ Ⅱ. green-eyed monster │ in which you can't stand a new agent and spencer is too oblivious. F, ♡, ¢ , ♟ ﹃ sequel to purple scarf Ⅰ. film festival │“I'm going to a Korean film festival in Georgetown.” F, ♡ Ⅱ. new traditions │F, ♡ , ♟ ﹃ sequel to “film festival”
SERIES
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✍ NUMINOUS: Darkness had a flattering way of luring people. In a dance, she is the one who leads. Holding you close to giving you a lustful kiss. Delilah has always found comfort in the night. The absence of light wasn't necessarily horrible, it brought her comfort. However, the moment her dark eyes meet honey brown ones, she figures sunny days might not be so bad, after all. [s.r × o.c] A,F,TW!
SUN-BLEACHED PAPER PETALS: When Iris Valencia sent a letter to a certain Doctor Reid about one of his articles, she didn't expect to receive an answer. At all. But she did get one. And they've been corresponding back and forth ever since — in the old-fashioned way. Until a threatening situation forces them to meet face to face. [s.r × o.c] A,F,TW!
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‣ JENNIFER JAREAU
BLURBS
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heavenly agreements │ the team decides to go out to have fun and things escalate between two agents. F, ♡ , ¢ lover │based on the prompt “we've known each other for so long. I can't imagine my life without you anymore.” A, F, ♡
ONE-SHOTS
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somewhere underlined │slightly emily x reader, based on the prompt “i think I'm in love with her.” A, F, ♡
✍ untitled | in which reader watches her coworkers fall in love and maybe acts like a cupid along the way. (jemily)
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‣ EMILY PRENTISS
DRABBLES
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drabble #1
drabble #2
drabble #3 ✍
BLURBS
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i can see it | you and your girlfriend make plans about the future. F, ♡
✍ untitled | in which a police officer makes an inappropriate comment about you and emily just about loses her cool over it. A, F, ♡
✍ untitled | “character A shutting up character B with a kiss.” A, F, ♡
✍ untitled | you receive a surprise visitor on quantico while you're on a boring paperwork day. F, ♡
ONE-SHOTS
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right where you left me │how do you stop mourning someone that came back to life? A, ☂ ﹃ part of “the taylor swift anthology” dreadful hearts │emily risks her life (again) and some of your fears come to surface. A, F, ♡
✍ untitled | in which reader watches her coworkers fall in love and maybe acts like a cupid along the way. (jemily)
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‣ DEREK MORGAN
BLURBS
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[still to come]
ONE-SHOTS
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skeletons in the closet│a copycat killer is out in the city and the BAU needs your help to uncover the case. you just have one condition: to see derek morgan A, ♟, TW!, bittersweet ending.
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‣ PENELOPE GARCIA
BLURBS
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[still to come]
ONE-SHOTS
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[still to come]
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‣ AARON HOTCHNER
BLURBS
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[still to come]
ONE-SHOTS
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[still to come]
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‣ THE TEAM
BLURBS
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[still to come]
ONE-SHOTS
happier than ever │the bau is required on alaska for a case and reader has to confront some ghosts from her past. A,TW!,♡ (platonic) ⟿ six feet under │F, slight A ﹃ sequel to happier than ever (platonic)
support system │ inspired by that one hotch and emily's scene: “I want you to make a deal with me. you're gonna go weeks, months even, feeling fine. then, you're gonna have a bad day. just let me know when you do.”  A, TW!,♡ (platonic)
colorless mountains │during a case in New York, you come in contact with an unsub whose backstory hits too close to home. A, TW! ♡, ♟ (platonic)
✍ untitled | in which reader watches her coworkers fall in love and maybe acts like a cupid along the way. (jemily)
SERIES
✍ NUMINOUS: Darkness had a flattering way of luring people. In a dance, she is the one who leads. Holding you close to give you a lustful kiss. Delilah has always found comfort in the night. The absence of light wasn't necessary horrible, it brought her comfort. However, the moment her dark eyes meet honey brown ones, she figures sunny days might not be so bad, after all. [s.r × o.c] A,F,TW!
▂ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ █ - █ ▇ ▆ ▅ ▄ ▂
© RAILINGSOFSORROW, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
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Growing Pains
Pregnant Mc and all the guys are being dumbasses. I hope it makes sense. I really tried to write something cohesive lmao.
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2,263 words
There's a lot of difficulties one has to go through in life. Of course, most are simple enough that one day you'll just look back upon them and realize that the problem wasn't really that big of an issue. The tantrums thrown in your childhood over school supplies rank right up beside your high-school fears of choir class solos and first date worries. In comparison, it's rather funny seeing where you are now. After years of petty troubles, getting married and pregnant makes those worries seem like minor stamps on your life. Insignificant pieces to a puzzle you forgot about long ago.
You hope that's what this is for Luke. That all these fears he has over this baby are just a little bump in his long existence. Of course, you're not trying to downplay his concerns. They're understandable and something you all actually expected when you first found out you were pregnant. Afterall, it's only natural for there to be a bit of anxiety with such a big change. However, due to his age, as well as his very vocal need to protect humans, you all thought the shock would settle in rather quickly and he'd start preparing for a new role in the household. 
That unfortunately didn't turn out to be the case. 
Despite how it sounds, Luke is happy about the baby. He's eager to please too, almost to a worrying extent, and that's pretty much where the problem comes in. The angel seems hell bent on trying to prove himself every step of the way, but you really don't know why. He's always been an incredibly helpful member of the family. Truthfully, when it comes to needing any sort of support, whether that be emotional or otherwise, Luke has acted like a guiding light. He actually provides comfort when you're struggling, almost always living up to that guardian angel title he holds so tightly to his chest. Of course, sometimes he's more or less just a normal child, but perhaps that's why you feel so comfortable around him. You don't have to worry about impressing him or potentially ruining his appearance like you do with your spouses. All you have to really do is just be with him, and that seems to be enough. 
Well, it did. That doesn't actually appear to be true anymore. Nowadays Luke acts like he actually has to earn the right to be in your vicinity, and when he's not doing anything, he's terrified to even be near you. You don't really know why this new trait has developed, but thankfully your spouse -more specifically Simeon- has given you some helpful -but rather limited- insight. He admitted that Luke is genuinely worried about you; his fear mostly stemming from your fragile state. This makes sense to an extent, but you don't think it's the full story. 
Sure, your pregnancy is rather high risk. Carrying a demon -or angel- in your human body isn't exactly recommended by any doctor of any realm, but things are going fine so far. You like to attribute this to being Lilith's descendent, yet you've been reminded too often by Soloman that this really wouldn't impact your risk. Of course, he also likes to add that if this were his child you wouldn't have to fret over possible complications, so it's hard to exactly trust what he says, but it's impacted Luke enough apparently. With that being said, you still don't believe it's enough to warrant this response from the child. 
Afterall, it's easy to see Luke isn't just worried about your health. If that were the case you could lump him up there with eleven other men who basically swarm you wherever you go. No, you know there's more to it. It's just hard to place exactly what without invoking some sort of defense mechanism from the young blond. You'd know, because you'd tried before. 
"What do you mean something is wrong?" The little angel had exclaimed in worry, completely skipping over the context that you had actually asked him what was wrong, "Do you need Simeon? I don't know where he's at! Mammon and Levi are the only ones here and I don't think that those demons know how to handle childbirth!"
Whilst he wasn't wrong in his assumptions about the boys not knowing how to handle childbirth, he was completely incorrect in his guesses as to what you were referring to. When you actually cleared that up, he failed to provide any actual reasoning to his new, flighty attitude. In fact he simply denied anything was wrong before running off to attend to something else. What that was, you don't know, however you can recall he seemed very intent on seeking it out, and even more intent on making sure you didn't follow him. 
Given this reaction, figuring out a new approach wasn't exactly an easy task. Thankfully your boys are always great brainstormers. 
"How would I know what the chihuahua is thinking?"
Well, sometimes they are. 
"Mammon, please," You sigh, making sure not to blow your lid at the demon's attitude. He doesn't seem to catch onto this, but Lucifer does, placing a reassuring hand on your knee, "I'm just asking if you have any idea whatsoever as to what's possibly going through his mind. Maybe you've noticed if he's said something or has been doing something weird! I don't know. I'm trying to come up with ideas to solve this problem and would really appreciate some help."
Diavolo lets out a low hum as he thinks, but before he comes to a conclusion, Barbatos is making a statement, "I have noticed a change in his attitude as of late, but I have no information as to why."
Asmo is quick to jump in here, his more nonchalant approach taking center stage in a room of more bleak tones, "It's only natural for him to act up a little bit, isn't it? New baby, he thinks he might be being replaced."
"You'd know about that," Belphegor adds in a similar tone that actually has the avatar of lust agreeing with him. At least, until he recognizes what was actually said.
Before an argument can erupt between the fifth and seventh brothers, you're quick to step in between, "Well, if that's the issue, how are we even supposed to approach that?"
Silence overtakes the room for a few brief seconds before Levi's phone breaks it with a loud chime, drawing everyone's attention away from your question. He blushes a bit under all the stares but is still quick to check whatever the notification was, apparently either missing the tone of the room or simply not caring enough to put it aside. Thankfully Beelzebub plucks the device away from the envy demon before he can be sucked into some fictional plot line. You try to keep a scowl from climbing your features at the purple haired male's disappointment. 
"He'll get over it eventually," Satan replies from his spot tucked in the corner, eyes trained on a book and appearing only half invested in the conversation. His approach is barely any better than Levi's, however you're able to keep yourself from getting too angry at the blonde. This is mostly because you're spending that energy gripping tightly onto Lucifer's hand. 
"Well either you're correct and I don't have to worry, or you're incorrect and something is wrong and your advice is to just ignore it."
"I'm not saying ignore it, I'm just saying let him figure it out."
"And last time he tried to solve his own problem he ran away from purgatory hall and begged for Beel and I had to hide him."
There's a chorus of noises that erupt from the room, most varying replies to your statement with the occasional out-of-place noise. Truthfully the majority of them sound tired. Like they don't even want to be there, and you're well aware they probably don't. A little less than half of the room thinks Luke is just experiencing growing pains, and a bit more than half thinks you're overexaggerating a problem that really isn't there. Of course they haven't directly said this, but they don't have to. You've pretty much already heard both things from past discussions on the topic. 
Diavolo pulls you from Lucifer's hold as soon as a frown begins to weigh on your lips. You know from this move alone that words of comfort are soon to follow, however, that doesn't really make you feel all that reassured. You don't want to be soothed. You just want some help from your partners determining what you're supposed to do. 
It's not like you aren't self aware. You do realize that your worry may seem a bit overkill to those who aren't as concerned. Which, you thought everyone would be considering the circumstances, but you can't say you're surprised. Lately you've been the only one really getting invested in these family issues. Whether that's because of hormones or not is unknown to you, and whilst you don't really care either way, you do know the boys have been handling you a bit differently ever since you got pregnant. 
It's annoying and demeaning and a million other words you can think of but rather wouldn't. So, you just don't, choosing to let Diavolo soothe you and allow someone else to shift the conversation away from your concerns. 
Your room is quiet tonight, empty after you'd proclaimed you had a headache and wanted to sleep alone. There had been some resistance, mostly from Mammon of course, but as soon as you started throwing pillows at him, he gave in. You don't know whether you wanted him to or not, yet you can say you wished you had someone to bounce your thoughts off of. 
That's when you hear a soft, hesitant knock at the door. 
A part of you feels the need to tell the person to go away. Another part wants to cry and beg whoever it is to come inside. You settle somewhere in the middle, pulling yourself out of bed and walking to the door whilst mentally preparing yourself for whatever lay behind its solid face. You hope you look scary enough in your maternity sleepwear in case things go south, but you doubt the sleeping teddy bears are all that intimidating. Surprisingly though, when you open the door you aren't met with one of your spouses, worried, angry, or otherwise. Instead you find Luke. 
He looks rather nervous, standing there in his pajamas and fiddling with his thumbs. There's a little frown on his face too, one so deep his eyebrows crease together in a similar manner that mimics how Satan's do whenever he's sucked into a book. If it wasn't the middle of the night and the angel wasn't so obviously distressed you might have actually laughed at the sight. Of course, you know that would be rather mean. Especially since you're certain Luke's on the verge of tears. 
You don't get the chance to really double check that though, as the blonde child bolts into your arms, careful of your bump but still desperate in his search for a hug. Despite your worries and fears threatening to bubble up only moments ago, you can't help relaxing at the action. It's weird how all your own worries seem to become rather small when you're faced with a tiny crying angel. 
"I'm sorry!" Luke cries into your shirt, tears seeping through the fabric rather easily, "I didn't mean to make you feel bad!"
It's hard to form a quick reaction to this sudden display. You can't seem to decide exactly what to ask, so you settle on soothing him with soft whispers and gentle pats on his back. This takes a while to calm him down, but eventually Luke's able to pull away from you and force out a forced explanation. 
"I didn't want to worry you, I just thought that you would do better without me and then I overheard you guys in the living room and I realized I was just hurting you more and-" Tears continue to well up in his blue eyes despite your insistence that everything's alright. After a few minutes of your reassurance and his repeated questioning, you're able to get him down to a calmer, sniffling whimper. 
The two of you go to settle on the bed, you pulling him close to your side and turning on your bedside lamp for some light. Words are exchanged for a while and you're certain if you were back in your own realm the sun would have already started to rise by the time you finished. You don't really mind though. Seeing him lose all that anxiety helps your own too, especially since he does a good job at soothing over some worries of your own.
He makes sure to tell you, through yawns and his many apologies, that your boys did check on him plenty of times. Luke says he was just too embarrassed to admit to his problems, and he thinks they didn't want to worry you because you're already so stressed. Of course, anything coming from a pajama clad angel is going to make you swoon from sweetness, but knowing they actually care and have gone out of their way to handle it could really affect you all on its own. Even if the intended results didn't actually work out. 
But, in the end, you guess it doesn't really matter. As long as your family is happy at the end of the day, things will be fine. 
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milkovichy · 2 years
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Debs!!! It's how did the husbands annoy eachother Wednesday and Im procrastinating going home (why??? I don't know) so I present: Ian and Mickey's least favorite "annoy my husband" bits!!!
Mickey gets himself very teary eyed and says "I didn't want to believe it, but I can't deny it any longer. You really don't have a soul" whenever Ian says no to anything he wants like. "No we don't have time for coffee" "no we can't afford a sex swing" "no, we are not buying ANOTHER game for the switch" and Ian can't stand it. (He also NEVER makes this joke in front of Debbie and Franny, he knows better(
Mickey also says "FUCK THIS IM GOING BACK TO MEXICO" whenever mildly inconvenienced and Ian always rolls his eyes and hates it
In return, Ian threatens to ship Mickey back to Mexico whenever Mickey is being particularly stubborn about something
Whenever Mickey refuses to go grocery shopping with him, Ian will text Mickey pictures of things on the bottom shelf and say "miss u ❤️❤️❤️or "could've used your help reaching this one!" and it infuriates Mickey to the point where sometimes he'll honestly just go to whole foods with him just so Ian doesn't do it
Mickey still points at random old men and says "don't leave me for him" in complete monotone and then he has to run to dodge Ian punching his arm
Ian found out some people call McDonald's Mickey D's and now he only ever calls the place "your d" to Mickey. "Can I eat your D for dinner" "well certainl- WAIT DO YOU MEAN FUCKING MCDONALDS"
Mickey always responds to this bit by calling Ian Ronald
Whenever Mickey has to go somewhere by himself, especially for an extended period of time, he looks Ian in the eye and very seriously says "do NOT start another cult" and Ian would lie and say it makes him miss Mickey less but it doesn't
Whenever Mickey is being prissy or picky, Ian will start calling him by various Disney princess names and not stop until Mickey tells him to quit it, and then Ian gets all wide eyed and says "but your my Mickey mouse!" And laughs himself silly. The longest Mickey has dealt with this without letting Ian get to the punch line is three full days
And two ones they can't even pretend they don't love love:
Since he knows Ian gets insecure about his meds constantly changing how much weight he holds, Mickey will randomly roll over while they're cuddling and poke Ian's side and whisper "belly" no matter what Ian's body looks like. (He did it the first time when Ian was having one of his first lows in season five and it felt so normal that Ian actually started crying) and Ian tries to pretend he hates it but he loves it so much
Whenever Mickey is having a high anxiety day, Ian has a million and one things that he does to make Mickey feel as safe as possible, but the stupidest one is dragging out this stupidly big gallon water bottle they got, (because when Mickey's mental health is bad water is the first thing he forgets) filling it to the brim with water, and then taking the first sip himself with his lips on the straw, then handing it to Mickey with a cheesy grin and saying "I kissed it for protection, now whenever you need a kiss you can drink some water AND get protected" And it's stupid and cheesy and probably a little gross (although they swap spit and other bodily fluids on the regular so sharing bottles is far from the grossest they get) but it always makes Mickey feel a little bit better
Alicia, I don't deserve you! What a nice way to start my day, reading about husbands annoying each other and annoyingly in love. Yes to all of this! It's about knowing each other so well and feeling so comfortable with each other that you can joke around and tease and laugh together, knowing full-heartedly that, at the end of the day, you will have their love and support and comfort, no matter what 🥲❤️
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Relationship Headcanons
↦ Character(s): Hakkai Shiba x fem!reader
↦ Rating/Warning: No rating though there are some light mentions of abuse (if you have read the manga you are aware of what I am talking about, I’m not going very deep into it though it literally just mentions it), mentions of anxiety attacks (no detail though), fluff, not proof read
↦ Word count: 1.8k (longer than planned, sections are bolded)
↦ Your Momo’s Receipt: Hello~ I’m post yet another TR headcanon and this was requested by the lovely @strawbub I hope this doesn’t disappoint, it did get longer than planned but I enjoyed writing it. I'll prob do a part two that's more of a scenario based on your first date or something since I didn't go into it here. Please note: for those of you who don’t know my blog is currently under construction, meaning I will not be updating my masterlist for the time being.
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So how did you guys meet, well mostly because of Yuzuha,
One day in like elementary you’re walking home and you see this super pretty middle school girl just like yelling at this small group of guys
The guys end up running off just because they don’t wanna deal with her or the attention she's drawn to them
Behind her was a boy, taller than her but obviously younger. You didn’t assume they knew eachother though.
The boy and yuzuha began walking in opposite directions because one was going home while the other was going to pick up something like groceries
You’re so entranced by how she stood up to them yet she’s a girl who was far smaller and you end up catching up to her, almost stepping on her heels
You end up absent mindedly following her into the grocery store and eventually she just freezes, turns, and stare directly at you
Your eyes widen since you must’ve been staring and she just goes “may I ask why you’re following me?” And you explain how cool she was earlier. She invites you over for dinner (esp since her older brother won’t be home) and figured it’d be good for Hakkai to meet someone his age
You end up going over but Hakkai didn’t come down to eat so you never actually got to meet him, though from then on you would see Yuzuha every so often, visit every other weekend or so
But no matter how often you came over the next few months, you never once met hakkai,
That was until you both reached the end of your middle school education and we’re about to begin high school
You had gone over because you were going to borrow an old work book from Yuzuha, and when you go to knock on the door the door opens before your closed fist could hit it, instead hitting a firm chest
You blush and quickly apologize but the person in front of you doesn’t move at all, doesn’t say anything and almost looks like they drifted into space with their dead stare
You assume this is yuzuha’s older brother because you’ve also never met him and you immediately turn to walk away but Yuzuha calls over hakkai’s shoulder
“Y/N-Chan! You just got here where are you going?” This was def not yuzuha’s older brother. There’s no way she’d be that happy with him around; oh my god. Realization hit, the guy who you hit (though it was more of a tap) was hakkai.
The hakkai you had only caught a glimpse of in yuzuha’s photos, never talked to or actually seen in person despite going to the same school and living in the same neighborhood
He must hate you. That’s why he avoids you. That’s def why - is what you think
Yuzuha drags hakkai back inside and invites you in; you sit down with them in the living room and watch hakkai visibly relax now that he’s inside his house, his own space, with a pillow behind him and a blanket covering his lower half, he almost curls up into it as he continues to avoid your stare
“Hi hakkai…Kun? Im L/N Y/N” you say and you see his face dead pan once again
Yuzuha can be heard laughing from the kitchen as she comes back in.
She leans over and begins explaining that hakkai literally just freezes with any interaction between him and girls who aren’t in his family
You nod, thinking maybe it’s an anxiety thing? Which is the case with you, but only because he’s been watching you since you’ve come over (not in a creepy way) wanting to and working the courage up to talk to you
The 5th or so time you came over after that encounter he was inches away from introducing himself before the house phone rang causing everyone to kind of “wake up” in a sense
Every time since then he gets closer and closer but isn’t able to say anything; he even realizes he has a crush on you.
The way you sit when you do homework and how cute you look when you’re focused.
How your forehead scrunches up when you’re trying to figure something out and you end up just sitting back with a small huff followed by yuzuha’s signature laughter.
It’s also a huge thing that you get along with Yuzuha.
So enough with first meeting time for the confession.
He ends up confessing accidentally. He didn’t know you were coming over to begin with so he was flustered out of his mind. And how was he supposed to know you hadn’t actually fallen asleep and you could hear him over the tv
The tv was more white noise than anything and the day was hot since it was the middle of summer causing the window to be open and the sound of soft wind and small birds to drift in; this was the hot that makes you tired so you were all sprawled out of just sitting in a daze
So while resting your head on the table you’re dozing in and out but then you hear hakkai begin to speak, something he never really did around you
Now did you and hakkai text? Yes. Did it take him an hour to reply because his brain would explode when you replied to him? Yes. But was it a start to communication? Also a yes.
You hear him say your name quietly before he moved closer, you can feel his gaze on your features
“I like you” is all he says. Simple and sweet. But you sit there in shock, trying not to blush so he’ll have no idea you heard him but he can tell because your forehead scrunches
You heard him and are focused on if you should reply or not. And he knows that.
You open your eyes and just look up at him, he’s closer than expected. His hand close to yours on the floor and he reaches over and grabs it lightly. Hoping you’ll also return the gesture by holding his hand instead of leaving your hand limp inside his.
And you do, thank goodness, and Hakkai almost mentally can’t handle it.
Once you start dating it’s more so just hanging out at his house or yours; however he talks a bit more and you text a lot more. He’s gotten better at replying. It usually takes him like 15 minutes now
He’s kinda stressed about your relationship but not due to anything you or him did
He’s stressed because of the mentality his older brother gave him
Is he even allowed to be this happy?
He finally has someone thats small enough and naive enough that he can protect you; compared to constantly being protected it’s a sudden, strong, yet good change for him
He’s touch s t a r v e d
Yes Yuzuha shows affection; but he stopped accepting her hugs when he was around 8 just because he physically wasn’t able to handle it due to his bruises and such
But with you, even with his bruises and all you take care of him. Able to coax him into using medicines and toning down the physical violence (that he can control himself)
He also finds it super soothing when you lightly brush over his scars (especially those that his brother gave him), it helps him believe that scars are only physical and can fade with help
One thing that stresses him out the most is trying to hide you from his brother. Any time you leave something at the house its easy to pass it off as yuzuha's but when it comes to things like photos he has with you, he can't hang them up, show them off, or have them as his phone Lock Screen, etc. because he just really doesn't want his brother to know and target you since he'll then know that you're his weakness (aside from yuzuha as well)
Sometimes won't explain why he can't hang out and has legit pushed you out of his house before at the last minute notice of his brother coming home
Will always make sure you get home safe though, usually by having Yuzuha go with you since then she can just say you're a friend from school
Your parents love him, though they were a bit hesitant it became a "you always have a place to stay" because they learned about their family situation from you and yuzuha. So expect him to spend the night when he's too scared to deal with his brother. Same with yuzuha. (yes I know this isn't yuzuha head canons but its hard to write for him without mentioning her when they're so close)
We're talking three person sleep overs. Yuzuha and you of course share the bed and Hakkai takes some time to even set foot in your room much less sleep on a mattress that's on the floor
He has a small heart attack every time he comes into your room because he's overwhelmed with everything, he's never been so comfortable and it makes him feel restless. Like he's never and I mean n e v e r been less stressed and slept better than when he does so in your room
The smell, the colors, just being surrounded by you is something that completely changes his mood
Once showed up after he fought with his brother, tears in his eyes and clothes a bit tattered and you just pulled him to your room, and sat down with him.
You laid on your bed with him laying down onto of you, head on your chest as you rubbed his head and only said a few words "its not your fault"
He ends up crying so hard he falls asleep and gets dehydrated and you have to make him drink a bunch of water when he finally wakes up.
NSFW
super fucking careful w you
almost annoyingly so, but you're understanding
He knows that he might be taking things frustratingly slow but he knows that since you understand and know his history that you can help him get through it
Your first time you think you'll have to call it off because he's shaking so bad
"baby... are you sure it won't hurt you?" he keeps asking.
pretty sure that's the longest its ever taken him to finish because he was so anxious
despite being so slow and hesitant, late he isn't too scared to get a bit rougher
but im not talking anything crazy im talking like he's willing to pull your hair a bit or nip a bit harder at your neck.
Please never ask him to do anything like degrade you or some type of harsh physical rough shit, he can't
like literally im 99% sure that if you ask him to choke you or something he will pass out because of the anxiety attack he would have at even the thought.
in short with nsfw though he is sweet boy. He's a switch through and through. Loves when you take care of everything because then he doesn't have to be scared of hurting you.
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Brave face, talk so lightly(hide the truth)
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'All my life, I've just wanted to make things easier for them.'
Au August
Day/Prompt: Day 26 - Soulmate
Ship: Prinxiety, brief logicality, creativitwins
Word count: 3k (I'm so sorry I got carried away)
Cw: swearing / brief murder mention / implied death / crying / nightmares(?) / anxiety mention / caps / claustrophobia(?)
A/N: the prompt is your dreams are your soulmate's memories. The title is from the song "Sick of losing soulmates" by dodie. I wrote the first 1/4 of this a few days ago and the rest in one sitting and I couldn't care less about proofreading it so Im so sorry if there are any mistakes ;-;
@tsshipmonth2020
I see a girl in the distance. She has her back turned. Long chocolate-colored hair tied in a low messy bun. My hand is reaching out to her. I feel this sudden longing to be held by this woman. Craving her caring and loving words. Telling me that everything is going to be alright.
Wait. Why is she getting farther away?
She looks back at me with a sad smile. Everything gets dark. I let my eyes stray from her to look around. When was I in a hospital corridor?
"I'm sorry, Pumpkin. You're gonna have to continue our adventure without me. But, fear not, Little one. I'll always be there by you. You just gotta learn to know where I am,"
She caresses my cheek, giving me the warmest smile I have ever received.
She's gone, suddenly. I touch my cheek, still feeling the ghost of her warm touch. Along with… something wet? Am- Am I crying?
"Roman!"
I don't move. I feel stuck. But, also free, somehow. Just unsure of what to do, I guess?
"Roman! Wake up. You idiot!
"Roman!
"Oh, thank all things unholy! I thought someone was in our room, trying to murder us! You were crying, and- and whispering stuff! And it's creeping me the fuck out! And I'm not easily creeped out, you know that" Remus exclaimed as he sat on Roman's chest, grabbing his twin’s shoulders.
"Man, you're soulmate must have some twisted memories," He continued, getting off of Roman and returning to his own bed across the room.
'Yeah. Twisted…' Roman thought.
~*~*~
"You okay there, Sweetie?" Roman heard from where his head was buried on the kitchen counter. "Yeah... Just thinking about my soulmate again," he admitted.
"Another bad dream?" His mom inquired as she sat next to Roman, patting his back. "It's not just that. It's about the move. Like, we're never really sure which of our memories they see, right? But, they've seen all my memories from this place. Like, they know where I've been my entire life…" he trailed off.
"I'm just not sure how they would feel seeing a whole new different place… They don't seem to be in a place to experience a big change right now. All my life, I've just wanted to make things easier for them. And, yeah, my dreams don't really change that much. But, I make an effort, y'know?" Roman looked up at his mom to seek at least some kind of reassurance.
"I understand what you mean, and I think that what you're doing is great. And I know that you're gonna be the bestest thing that's ever gonna happen to them. But, I'm really sorry. We don't really have any choice with this move. I know your soulmate is in a dark place right now, but you can't always do everything for them. You're also your own person," His mom hugged him.
Roman felt like he was hopeless in this situation. And, he was always hoping for the best. For his soulmate or otherwise. Maybe his mom was right about putting himself first sometimes.
~*~*~
Virgil was in his first period when someone he didn't expect to walk into his classroom… walks into his classroom… They were wearing an army green shirt, a denim jacket with neon green highlights and spikes at the bottom, ripped jeans, and platform boots with more spikes and vulgar words written on them. To say that this man was familiar was an understatement. He KNEW this man's entire life THROUGH his dreams.
Virgil felt like he was trespassing someone's life. Like, he wasn't supposed to know the man. And that, they shouldn't be in any way related. Especially to their sibling.
He wasn't really ecstatic about meeting his soulmate. IN SCHOOL NO LESS. It wasn't really an ideal 'meet-your-soulmate' place for someone like Virgil.
"Alright, students, I'm sure you've all noticed that we have a new student right here. Now, why don't you go and introduce yourself, Mister," their teacher said to the denim jacket guy.
"Umm. Sup? I'm Remus Duke Kingsley. Nice to meet you all. And, if you see a guy that looks like me but without the mustache and wears red all the time, he’s always loud, you can’t miss him. That's my twin brother, Roman. The boring one," Remus says, yawning by the end of his introduction.
'HOLY FUCK, TWINS?!' Virgil thought. Fortunately(or unfortunately, depending on which part of Virgil's brain you're asking), Remus already gave him a vague description of who to look out for.
~*~*~
Virgil continues his day and falls into his daily routine, which mostly includes attempting to avoid being perceived by anyone. It usually succeeds if you exclude his friend, Patton, from ‘anyone.’ He only hopes that his soulmate also sees Patton in their dreams cuz, to be honest, Patton is the ray of sunshine everyone needs. Yeah, he was also friends with Logan, but he’s more like a moon if you ask him.
Virgil goes into the cafeteria and sits at their usual table, his back facing the entire cafeteria. He takes out a paper bag from his bag and grabs the sandwich he bought earlier, not waiting for his friends.
A few moments pass before Logan and Patton reach his table. “Hey, kiddo! You alright?” Patton says as he sits down. Virgil just gives them a nod and continues to eat. “I heard this morning that there were new students,” Logan inquires before Patton interrupts “Oh yeah! They’re twins! I have first period with one of them. He’s really nice. Oh! Hey! Roman! Over here!” Patton shouts and waves his arm toward a student that just entered the cafeteria. “Hope you guys don’t mind that I invited him over to sit with us,” He continues and flashes both Virgil and Logan a smile no one could say no to.
“Hey, Patton.” The guy says to Patton. “Hope you guys don’t mind me crashing your table. I’m Roman by the way,” Roman says to the other two. “Pleasure to meet you, Roman. I’m Logan. And, no, we wouldn’t mind at all,” Logan answered him back. Roman looked over to Virgil who just nodded and said his name. Roman then proceeded to sit next to Virgil but not paying him any mind.
And, though Virgil seemed to be calm about the situation, his mind is currently in flames having his anxiety and his gay panic fight over each other. Virgil is currently waiting for who would win, that's why he seems so calm on the outside. After finishing his sandwich, he was trying to think of something he could do to keep himself from leaving and be noticed. He looked over to Logan, attentively listening to Patton talking about the dog he saw this morning. Roman was silently eating his lunch, also listening to Patton, but looking around the cafeteria every once in a while.
It seems that Virgil’s anxiety won the fight because he decided that he doesn’t want to stick around with his friends and his apparent soulmate without doing anything. So, he stands up and excuses himself from the group. "Hey! Wait!" Roman calls after him. Virgil stops a few feet from the table to look back at Roman who was already jogging towards him.
"Virgil, right?" He assures.
Virgil nods. "Ok, there’s just something I wanna ask you. Are those two soulmates?" Roman throws his thumb back, pointing at the two left at the table. "Cuz, as much as how adorable they look together, I kinda don't want to be stuck as a third wheel," he continues.
"Oh. Yeah, those two are soulmates. Sometimes, I wonder if they ever do notice me every time I leave the table," Virgil elaborates, looking back at his friends with a slight smile.
"Umm. Class doesn't start for a few more minutes. I was wondering if I could join you for a while? Wherever you were going…" Roman trailed off, realizing he didn't know where the shorter male was headed.
"Uhh. Yeah, sure. I was just headed to the courtyard to pass the time,"
'Shit. Virgil, why are you doing this?! Why did you agree?! You have anxiety!' Virgil mentally scolded himself.
"Ok. Cool. I'll just go get my stuff," Roman flashed Virgil a smile before heading back to the table.
'Fuck. I am so screwed,' Virgil thought.
~*~*~
"So, what's the deal with those two? I mean, how did they deal with the soulmates thing?" Roman finally spoke a few moments after they found a bench to settle on. "Uhh, well. Logan is my childhood friend and the first day we started high school here, they both had a dream of roll call the other had that day, I guess? They both heard each other's name and boom. You got your glasses gays," Virgil discussed, reminiscing the events that happened that day.
Roman let out a chuckle at Virgil's last words, causing the other's heart to skip a beat. They remain silent for a while, watching the other students passing by.
"What about you?" Roman spoke up.
"What about me?" Virgil glances back.
"I mean, what about you? Have you met your soulmate? Do you know who they are? You just seem like an interesting individual to me, having to stick around knowing you're third-wheeling all the time yet valuing your time with them and your time with yourself all the same. Well, either that or I'm just embarrassed that I think you're uncomfortable with me here…" Roman rambled, rubbing the back of his neck, embarrassed.
Virgil chuckled, "Nah. I just get anxious when meeting new people. Plus, I think you're a pretty nice guy." They smiled at each other, Virgil feeling his face heat up, and looks away immediately. "And, about the soulmate thing. I think I have a clue of who they might be, I just…" he trailed off.
"What's holding you back?" Roman muttered, lowering his head, attempting to catch the other's eye. "I… I just think that my memories aren't that… for them. They're just this amazing and joyful person… I just don't think they deserve to see my bland memories every night,"
The pair fell silent, Roman feeling sympathy for the other. Virgil felt Roman shift in his seat before speaking up, "I don't think anyone's memories are ever bland."
Virgil looks up at Roman who has a far-off look with a slight smile on his lips. "I think that our dreams are what shows us what we're missing in life. What our soulmate has that we need and what we have that they need. You know, what makes you both feel complete when you're with each other," Roman smiled.
Virgil pondered on the other's statement for a while. "Is that... Is that how you feel when you're with your soulmate?" He said, being careful with his words. Roman sighed but remained smiling, "I haven't met them yet. But, what you said earlier reminded me of them. I always think they're a little different. My moms said that dreams are supposed to show my soulmate's memories. But, no one is ever sure which ones we see. Well, my dreams always have one thing in common… There's darkness every time…" Roman trailed off, looking more sad as he continued.
"Sometimes, they walk out of their house and, suddenly, everything goes dark and I see pairs of eyes staring at me as I walk. Or sometimes, they lie in bed and, suddenly, it's dark again and I'm stuck inside a box too small for me. But, there’s always this one dream that always repeats itself. Though, I'm not sure my soulmate's gonna be comfortable with me sharing," Roman finally snaps out of his trance and looks up at Virgil, looking embarrassed.
At this point, Virgil is now entirely sure that the person in front of him is his soulmate. He feels tears cloud his eyes so he looks away to play off wiping them away before looking back at Roman with pity in his expression. This is exactly what Virgil was afraid of, having his soulmate also experience the darkness that clouds him every day he wakes up.
"Wow… They- I- I don't know what to say… What are you gonna do when you meet them?" Virgil glances at Roman, pity still in his eyes. Roman let out a sigh but smiled, "I'm gonna give them the biggest hug they've ever received and reassure them that I'm always gonna be with them and that they'll never have to feel alone all the time ever again." Roman looked at Virgil with a smile. But, before he could notice the tear that fell from the other's eye, a loud shrill of their school bell rang throughout the courtyard, signaling the start of their next class.
"Talk about first impressions," Roman said with a chuckle, standing up. "Well, see you around, Virgil. I got a few more 'Hi, I'm Roman' to do," he continued, leaving Virgil on the bench.
~*~*~
I hear my converse squeak as I walk through the hallway. There are people around me, but they're all just silhouettes of the same familiar darkness. I'm walking to what seems to be the cafeteria. I sit down and grab my lunch from my bag. A few minutes pass, two figures sit in front of me. There's something familiar about them despite being two black silhouettes.
"Hey, kiddo! You alright?"
Patton?
"I heard there were new students," Logan?
Wait. Am I…
"Oh yeah! They're twins!"
Oh.
"I have first period with one of them. He's really nice. Oh! Hey! Roman! Over here!"
Before I could look over to… me…
Darkness. Again.
I hear muffled voices. Too muffled to be recognized.
I stay in darkness for what felt like hours before I get surrounded by light.
Too bright.
There's a silhouette in front of me. It doesn't have any facial features but I can feel it stare at me. Slowly, the light around me doesn't feel too bright anymore. It feels… warm and comforting. Similar to the feeling I have in my chest, along with a squeezing feeling. I feel tears cloud my eyes, but I feel happy, somehow?
I feel someone embrace me. I look up to see the silhouette. Its arms around me, like it's protecting me. I feel secure. I feel loved.
I hug back, breaking down in its arms.
"You don't have to be alone anymore"
I hear my own voice. I break down sobbing, seeking more of the silhouette's warmth.
I stopped sobbing after a while but remained in the silhouette's arms for what felt like hours.
"You gotta wake him up!" I heard a distant voice say in a hushed tone.
"No, he hasn't slept like this since who knows when… Something must've happened yesterday..."
I feel myself slowly drifting from where I was standing.
"We can just tell the school he's sick"
"On the second day?"
I feel someone caress my cheek.
"You can stay too if you want"
"Hey, sweetie," Roman opens his eyes to his mom in front of him.
"What's going on? Why are you all in our room?" Roman asks as he sits up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He eyes Remus standing in front of their mama. Their mom is sitting on the edge of Roman's bed, facing him.
"Well, sweetie. You see, you just had a full night's sleep," their mom explained.
"You looked so peaceful too," their mama added with a smile. Roman stopped to let the events of his dream last night come back to him.
"Roman, is everything ok?" Their mama walked over to him, tucking a few strands of his hair behind his ear. "Yeah… Yeah, I'm okay!" He flashed a smile to his moms, meaning what he said.
~*~*~
Roman hadn't been able to sit still ever since he got to school. 'Late', he should add. Apparently, he overslept while Remus and their moms decide whether to wake him up or not.
When they got to school in the middle of first period, they were excused because their moms were there to explain. With a slightly bent truth, of course.
Roman had to wait three(and a half) classes to talk to Virgil. They didn't have any classes together, to which Roman was bummed to find out. When the bell rang, signaling their lunch break, Roman hurriedly headed to the cafeteria. When he got there, he spotted Virgil just about to sit down at their usual table.
"Uhh. Virgil? Can I talk to you for a sec?" Roman felt awkward, to say the least.
"Uhm. Sure," Virgil replied, standing up. Roman led them under a tree in the courtyard, away from other students. They stayed silent for a while before Virgil spoke up, "So… what'd you wanted to talk about?"
Roman just stared at Virgil for a few moments, examining him, before enveloping him in a tight hug. Virgil stood frozen for a while, surprised at the gesture. He slowly placed his hands on Roman's back, still confused at the sudden affection.
"You're not alone anymore, Pumpkin," Roman said in a gentle voice, cradling the other's head. Virgil froze when he heard the nickname. His expression then softens and hugs Roman tighter, burying his face on the taller male’s shoulder.
"How did you find out?" Roman heard, slightly muffled by his jacket. "Had a dream about yesterday," Roman simply stated, not elaborating more. "What about you? You said you had a clue. Oh! That rhymed,"
They both laughed.
"I have first period with Remus and I recognized him right away," Virgil replied, his face still buried on Roman's shoulder. "Oh, I'm so sorry you have to deal with him," Roman chuckled.
"No, I'm sorry you had to deal with him your entire life,"
"Well, we're not alone anymore now, are we? Roman asked with a serious tone. Virgil parted a few inches from Roman, still holding on to him. He smiled as he looked up at Roman, "No, we're not."
This might be the last one I'll do for AU august but I'm also deciding if I should go back to the prompts I missed when I was sick hmm
I wish I included Remus more in this but it was already 3k words and thats the longest I've ever written so maybe its for the best XD
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