#but thats indefinitely on hold for now
violentdevotion · 2 months
I love reading so much so I got a degree in English Literature but its not effortless for me. i won't read for long periods of time unless i sit down and force myself to do so. as much as i love reading i also love not using my brain. so my worst reading habit is i dog ear every chapter before i start a book so as im working my way through it i have a short term goal in mind and physical evidence of how much ive completed. and i think at face value that's a bad way to approach doing something you love but it's genuinely hard work sometimes to make myself read a book
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coloursofaparadox · 4 months
i ✨️cannot sleep✨️ and vaguing about shit on the internet feels more cathartic than writing it out somewhere else. suffer.
#im having. thoughts. on one hand. VERY badly want woods and chicken farm.#on the other hand. i do actually like friends?#and the likelihood of making friends as a queer person in a small town is uh. yknow. not as good.#but idk if its important enough to me to put my life on hold indefinitely to create more ties to an area that ill eventually have to leave#if i ever want a chance at supporting myself financially or buying a tiny lil starter house?#ideal situation is i start a gay commune with like minded friends. but uh. people have not been good to me#on the whole 'trust em with your plans' front#sigh. idk. id love to be able to afford a place thats still in the general area but that is never going to happen#unless i can spontaneously manifest /literally/ a million dollars#i am done with romantic relationships i think. if one happens at some point? cool. but i am not basing my life plans around it.#and will not sacrifice my own peace and wellbeing just for the sake of one#god. looking for queer friends who want to live on a farm with me platnically and we all have our own space but#also raise animals together and hang out sometimes. and dogs are a requirement.#i just! want! queer commune! where i can go back to my own little bubble and have my own space too!#aaaaahhhhh!!!! albertas real estate is starting to look real good right about now!#ugh. u g h. i fluctuate wildly between 'im very VERY content not speaking to a human for a week at a time' and 'platonic life partner. pls.#maybe i just....take a page out of 18 yr old me's ballsy ass handbook. and uproot my entire life to move somewhere completely new#where i know no one have no connections and in a completely different climate 😎 it worked out last time#i could so just fuck off somewhere. oh my god it is so tempting.
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the-s1lly-corner · 2 months
Could you do A, C, I, G, K, L, and P for EJ in the fluff alphabet? It would make me reallyyyy happy :3
Fluff Alphabet w/ EJ!!
ive been waiting for someone to do EJ you dont understand!!! i saw this earlier but the power went out when i finally had time to sit down and get to writing </3 my apologies as for other stuff/for everyone else, requests are still open, and the fluff alphabet will be open indefinitely!!
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ATTRACTION- Honestly I think you gotta be a real catch to end up as Jacks partner, considering his entire hermit thing... I personally think that he separates himself from society after he becomes Eyeless Jack via a funky cult sacrifice thing... which he was kinda pretty much unwillingly roped into. I think he would want someone who's capable of taking care of themselves, and perhaps someone whos smart. maybe even lower maintenance. its not that he doesnt want to treat you as you deserve, its that sometimes he cant given he sometimes legitimately goes feral (though this is only really due to him pushing off his needs, blood frenzy type deal for when he pushes off eating people, can get real ugly). understanding as well, he needs someone whos willing to be understanding of his position and current predicament and know that eventually jack is going to fully not. be there anymore one day (possible angst idea? ooo?) but also even before the whole, demon thing, jack wasnt the most cheery or social and things definitely havent changed
CUDDLING- hes really cold so thats good for hot nights! not good for cold ones though </3 but hey maybe you guys are somewhere where its perpetually hot. as for the actual act of cuddling, he prefers to be the big spoon. likes sleeping closer to the door, kinda makes a barrier of himself for you in case someone were to come in. which is unlikely since if this were his place, its literally a cabin in the woods in bumfuck nowhere, but the point still stands. only engages if youre asleep or ask for it. if youre the one holding him, he kinda. freezes still and doesnt dare move. poor dude, hes so scared hes going to bite you or something
GIFT GIVING- since he lives in the woods and doesnt have a job he cant exactly go out and give you gifts. he also isnt fond of taking belongings from victims, since he already takes pieces of their bodies. coughs. anyways, i think hes more of an act of service person (will talk more about that in L)
INJURY- youre in luck, he had plans to be a doctor, thats what he was going to college for! plus i think he had a little fixation on medical stuff in general growing up. little hc that his other choice was to be a microbilogist. idk, i can see it. but i dont think it needs to be said that neither became reality. but he does know how to treat some injuries and illnesses! so youre both in luck! but how does he react, emotionally? honestly, as long as youre not bleeding while hes in his frenzied state hes more than willing to help you... although its more so because he doesnt want the scent to trigger anything in him... he cares about you, i promise! its just that ultimately its better he doesnt go feral on you- now if he was the one injured hes already patching himself up... oh but imagine convincing him to let you clean up a wound he got while trying to do his thing.... ouuuugh... let the man be vulnerable, let him be taken care of... ueueue... anyways- yeah
KISSES- he doesnt wear his mask when hes at your place or his cabin- in fact he only really wears it when hes 'hunting' or 'prowling', so!! loves kissing your cheek. will absolutely refuse to kiss you if hes just ate, though, let him wash his face and brush his teeth first. and change his clothes. he likes being kissed anywhere; forehead, mouth, cheeks, hands, ect ect ect. now in terms of frequency i dont think he likes it too often, but that may be some internalized thing about no longer being worthy of love or something but hey who am i to say (loudly winks)
LOVE LANGUAGE- as previously mentioned, acts of service is how jack shows his appreciation and love for you. need something done? hes on it! need to do some chores but dont feel like it? you dont even need to ask! stuff like that, hell, even if something doesnt need to be done he will probably tinker at it and try to make it better if its an appliance or something that can be upgraded to be more efficient and effective. when it comes to receiving he likes words of affirmation, this man has been through hell and hes still going through it, so reassuring him that you still love him even though hes changing makes things a little less scary
PET NAMES- he likes calling you babe and baby. he likes being called hon! doesnt really do petnames, he finds saying someones name intimate enough... which honestly i kinda agree with, i kinda hate how utilized it is in romantic media. just two characters loving each other, sharing a moment, and one softly utters the others name in a sweet tone. GUH!!!! anyway
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silverstonesainz · 2 months
hey guys! i updated my request guidelines, just reblogged it.
i decided to remove nyck, just because he is no longer in formula 1. but i do have a req for him so i will still be doing that and thats it.
and i have crossed out lance for now, in light of his actions on friday. putting my wips of him on an indefinite hold, and any reqs i have of him in my inbox will also remain there until such time that he (1) apologizes for his actions and/or (2) i am comfortable writing/editing for him.
so from this day forward, when my requests re-open, any reqs of nyck or lance will be deleted.
thx guys, hope you understand!
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asterrioxs · 5 months
Can I smell hollow
Also is erasetale still like a thing that’s going on or naw
he says no erasetale has been put on hold for a while now and has stopped production in basically all areas if i feel like ill pick it up again i will but for now its on an indefinite hiatus the likeliest outcome of me picking it back up is it becoming a short series of comics, but thats unlikely in my eyes at the moment
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gloomforrestrunes · 5 months
Based on some snippets of character descriptions, does simply existing in the Dark Realm have a sort of gradual corruption on animals that weren't originally from there? Not just with spells and memories, but even demeanor and skewed morality?
nah, the dark realm by itself isnt inherently evil or corrupted. its just the sin council and their influence!
im guessing the character decriptions you're referring to may be how i've decribed kenta's time in the dark realm here, laxo's description on artfight, and eiya in general. i think its important to remember the context behind each of these character's experiences.
eiya's morality definitely skews, but thats not due to a gradual corruption spell the dark realm has on her, thats due to her falling victim to nex and question's manipulation tactics who were exploiting their loneliness and resentment for kane.
kenta was taken into the dark realm when she was 13, and has been there for ~7 years. her memory of life before the dark realm is definitely foggy, but she still holds the face and name of her brother close. her memory fading is due to the fact that simply training in the dark realm is traumatizing and debilitating because of the nature of it all. her morality and demeanor is the most steadfast of these three characters. despite the capabilities she was given due to question's spell, she vowed to herself that she wouldnt use it, no matter how much the sin council tried to force her.
for laxo's case its important to realize just how traumatic and horrific his specific experience is. the banishment itself was traumatic, but now he's stuck in the same space as his abuser, with no concrete ways of escaping, for an indefinite amount of time. he was forced to do things that conflicted immensely with his morality, but he only did them due to fear of punishment. he was pretty much psychologically and physically tortured during his time in the dark realm. an experience like that will absolutely take its toll on the victim's memories and demeanor. laxo's actions in the dark realm isn't his morality falling apart and him becoming evil, it was simply him desperately trying to survive and attempting to minimize the amount of abuse he recieved.
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poohwhin · 1 year
all of you are probably sick of me being all over the place all the time and i’m so sorry SKSK. BUT! i have something to say (which i think i’ve already said before?? but i’m sticking to it this time??)
i won’t be roleplaying as much anymore! that’s not to say that i hated roleplay with people, or that i’m tired of it— but the more i focus on other interests as well as this one, i realise that i just don’t have the energy for full-fledged threads anymore. i want to be able to hold my content to the standard that i like it to be at, and in my opinion it’s just not fair to people who are anxiously awaiting a reply if i take months at a time for one response.
and of course that’s not to say i’m quitting my blog either SKSKS. i have lots of stuff planned for virek still that i will still be putting out, along with his routes and stuff; i just wanna focus more on content creation and ask stuff, rather than actual roleplaying— which may not seem fair to new people who may approach my blogs. and i apologise. i just don’t have the skills necessary to reasonably balance roleplaying with everything else i’m wanting to do. i may give more joking responses here and there, or eventually start roleplaying again, but for right now i’m. exhausted. SKSKSK.
ANYWAYS THATS ALL IM WANTING TO SAY! everything will still proceed as normal, i’m just putting my roleplaying to an indefinite halt. 😞
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thedarkestgreys · 1 year
can’t rmr if ive already sent you an ask 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ but 💻 and 👌
anddddd we're back.
💻 - the first fanfic you posted?
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha oh god. um. like the first first? it's still on ffnet written 20ish years ago. lizzie mcguire. thats all anyone will get out of me. the first one i published on a03 in 2014 was a got/asoiaf sansan fic called Awake that had a premise i really liked but i bogged myself down with overly complicated plotlines i wasnt ready to write as an author and it's been on indefinite hold for years. it's still a concept plot wise i really like and i think it would work great in OG work maybe someday.
👌 - the fic that took you the fastest to write?
like my whole fic history? for now we rest // got/asoiaf // jon x sansa post s6e9 literally written in a fugue state stg like an hour and a half tops?
but fexi fics? for sure one taste and you'll be mine. it took me longer to name it than it took me to write it lmaoo
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addoration · 1 year
fanfic writer 20 questions
i wasn't tagged but @zebsfloppyears invited anyone who wanted to do this to do so, n i was bored. hope u dont mind vienna!
1. how many works do you have on ao3? 79. i have 79 works. and im working on a long fic rn so i probably wont be uploaded another fic for a while to make that number rounded. its bothering me. 2. whats your total ao3 word count? 232,222 3. how many fandoms have you written for and what are they? 7 fandoms! most.. prolifically? if i may use that word.... for loz breath of the wild, and his dark materials. 4. what are your top five fics by kudos? 1. finding words enough - i legit dont remeber much of this but basically link is mute and revali speaks on his behalf. ppl seem to love it. rated G. 2. making cocoa for spencer reid - just a lil criminal minds family piece between rossi and reid, idk. bit of a character study! rated T. 3. magic might stain the air - my first merlin fic i posted (out of 2. lmao) but i really hate this one becaue i rushed it and i could have done so much better!!!!! rated M, beware tags. 4. snow on snow, snow on snow - i rllyy dont remember this one at all. lmao. link/revali pre-slash, rated G. 5. whenever we feel - we evaporate - i think? this was my first fic on ao3! and it's the first part of a lil aziraphale/crowley series that became dearly beloved to me but i never really got back to. rated T.
5. do you respond to comments? why or why not? i do now!! i didn't used to because i had an ocd thing about seeing the number go up when half of them were my responses, but thats an obsession that has since left me. i want to apologise to everyone who commented n didnt get a reply sdfghjsf i feel so awkward n i cant respond to comments made years ago now lmao. now i love responding to comments, its such a joy to communicate with my readers and thank them for their kind words!!!!
6. whats the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? i dont write angsty endings; the fics can get as angsty as possible but they must always end happily. sorry :/
7. do you write crossovers? no, i don't. they're not for me!
8. have you ever recieved hate on a fic? not hate exactly.... but i do recall one comment telling me they thought i had rushed the work and it was a bit sloppy (not in so many words tho). i totally agreed with the commenter but i was a bit :/ at reading that yknow
9. do you write smut? if so, what kind? i have been known to write smut occasionally, though i dont think i have a "kind" or a "brand".
10. have you ever had a fic stolen? not that i know of, but (as vienna said in their answer), it's not something that i think about or check for!
11. have you ever had a fic translated? nope! i welcome it though.
12. have you ever co-written a fic before? nope! in theory i would be open to it however i am probably very difficult to work with lmao
13. whats your all time favourite ship? such a hard question because it rlly depends what fandom im currently in, but. baruch/balthamos live rent free in my head. as do aziraphale/crowley, espeically my specific brand of them which is queerplatonic <3
14. what's a wip you want to finish but dont think you ever will? lmao if you had asked me a week ago, i would have said my current longfic, when you catch him, he burns through your heart, like a shooting star burns the skies but im actively up and working on that again, so. i guess something i dont imagine i'll return to any time soon is my series of harth/link fics, you hold my touch in you, simply because it's been a while now, and i dont imagine that such a minor npc as harth will be in botw's sequel, so... how will i rekindle my desire to write for them. idk! it's all up in the air though - i haven't necessarily abandoned any of my unfinished fics, theyre just on indefinite haitus.
15. what are your writing strengths? i would like to think that my poet's voice shines through my prose and therefore that my description is sufficiently good! lmao i have to sometimes physically stop myself from writing 5 paragraphs waxing poetic about the scenery. also honourary mention to dialogue. im pretty proud of some of the lines of dialogue ive written.
16. what are your writing weaknesses? hhghgh action. handling a big plot sensitively. ive been really struggling with making sure ive got hold of all my threads in my long fic. i dont think ive let go of any yet but im constantly paranoid that ive dropped one lmao. also i find action so hard!! the pacing of it, the choice of words, the making sure the reader doesnt get bored by not over or under describing whats happening! hhg.
17. what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language? if this means in the sense that a character is speaking a different language in the fic, then. i've seen it done a few ways. personally i ofc want to understand whats being said, so i like it best when the line is written in english but perhaps put in italics, with a tag saying smth like "they said in french/whatever langauge". ive also seen it done as typed in the langauge followed by the english translation in italics. either way works, i just don't rlly like it when it's completely untranslated!! even having like a lil dictionary in the end notes works.
18. what was the first fandom you ever wrote for? good omens lmao. i wrote fic before that but im not going into that, and i dont even think i could find it again bc it's lost in the depths of ff.net. i was also 13/14. so yeah :/
19. what's your favourite fic you've ever written? ppl dont really like this fic bc it's gen/not shippy and possibly also bc it was inspired by music, but. i have a real soft spot for my fic rose quartz and cool safflina. (botw, T) i wrote it while listening to la dispute's album panorama, and i think having the music helped me write with such a good flow. it's a very poetic piece, though. not for everyone. i also rlly like the great frost of 1684 (good omens, Gen) though neither of them are anywhere near my popular works' stats.
20. who do you tag? low pressure tagging @snidgetwidgeon, @itcantbe, @cyraclove, @unmaskedcardinal and everyone else who fancies it!!
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I wrote a letter to my ex that will never be sent.
{Tattooed of you through life til death. And following after.
I only started getting tattoos once I graduated high school, but through out those following years I have acquired over thirteen more. I was already stamped with the articulate clips, essentially cut to image, the thumbnail from each adventure within time. My visible reminders expressed of those moments that hold part in creating the portrait painting of me - being written so freely on the pages in a book… my book that is intended to end in publication of my course I had taken, to fulfill the years of time within a lifetime - beginning to end. They are of purpose, of guarantee those reminders of the inability to slip from my own consciousness of truth.
In all, they are the main parts that run the system with faculty to its manufacturing of the display that’s who I am per result of the escapade of time. They are processed with me and mended closer into the finish.
subsequently with me showing you the parts of me that furnished the space thats held by the door that is now open to you. Not just opened, but held by me for you, unprecedented but without hold to the seal of its full cover that layers the entirely of the skeletal shield; contained of high voltage waves of energy, and each blinding sliver of light fully embedded it’s charge together as my soul. The soul that attains every ounce of emotion. Notion to being max compact, the hold with shown cracks of weathering - although is slow - still actively seeping with emotions into my core. The course of them entrancing me with traveling all through my veins. You held a spellbind on me sending my full will to obliging, in fascination to let you through.
You know.. the life we shared for years, and how etched into one another we once were - that is of course before the end, under cloudy spaces. Placed now the headstones engraved into - interrupting of our evil pretenses used against each other in war. With what was unanticipated, because of such an aching reality, only led us to succumb to our injuries that we inflicted on one another. Evident still the depth of love we share, that stains the space that surrounds the rest of life…
with our story never finished, but instead rooted in the ground, talking hold of this place of us two.
I still can’t fathom the power you held, to trigger all parts of me. you quickly gained access to a different part inside of me; the gates that contain what’s in each pages that is written the periods in my life but now revolutionized to ours - the aligning of our paths, but if we stayed course with each others, venture. Publication of us no longer exists.
Regardless, you’re the love i always and forever was meant to adapt and exhibit, while redacting the same I held in me, back to you. Countless moments of us now locked even more deep within me, a vault so safe with the absolute of us now and always locked in me, indefinitely.
The soul energy we both bleed for us, so much our treasured keeper, now deports a portfolio surfaced in me that displays layers of our moments, in our time now inked by you… by us.. eternally.
I am a human canvass, with this art all over.
My love is forever for you.}
Just sharing. Have a lovely evening
this just has my heart. and so much of it. thank you, for sharing this to me sweetheart. it’s definitely one of the most rawest, loveliest piece of art I have ever read. and I meant it with my whole heart. this is one of the most beautiful ways pain could be the one to bleed into the depths of your body. and you captured that very well. again, thank you, for sharing this piece of your heart.
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amazingspidermans · 3 years
i told myself i could make fun of it but i would not watch supernatural. now i am watching supernatural
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redbeanboi · 3 years
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spookyboogie3 · 2 years
With the recent news of the tragic accident that has occurred on the set of Rust, please keep a few things in mind
It wasnt Alec Baldwin's fault
Yes prop guns with blanks can kill and injure people.
We dont have all the information about this.
Halyna had family and friends, please be respectful to them, they just lost their loved one.
Yes Jensen Ackles is a cast member in this movie. Yes he is fine. No one actually knows if he was on set during the accident. Please stop making this about him.
Dont ask any of the cast and crew to talk about this.
The movie is being put on hold indefinitely. It may never get picked back up.
Stop making memes and jokes about this, its insensitive and disgusting. Someone died.
Quit speculating. We dont have all the information right now.
Please just be respectful of the cast and crew and their families. This is traumatic event for everyone involved.
Update on Oct 24:
Im making an update. Ive been trying to stay updated with this the past few day but ive been busy with work.
Yes ive seen that Baldwin was told it was a cold gun and there were no live rounds in it. And that there actually was a live round in it. Baldwin is NOT at fault for this. He was holding the gun and fired it. He was also told it was safe to do so.
That is the fault of the prop master for not checking. And whoever told Baldwin its safe to use.
Those of you still making jokes about this are disgusting.
And others saying that Baldwin did this on purpose or he should be sued are also disgusting. Yes he is the producer but its not his job to check every little thing on set. Thats not a producers job.
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mycupofbritishtea · 3 years
dont mind me, just wanting to talk to the void
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lil-bitty-lubdubs · 2 years
Control pt. 4- the end!
Malina POV
“oh baby. you cant give up…” he tells me brushing a hand through my hair. He caresses my chest and lets his hand stop over my heart. He looks me dead in the eyes and tells me with glee: “i WONT let that heart stop baby. Not for too long anyway.” He slides two fingers into my neck feeling my pulse beat against his skin as I lay spent gazing off into the distance barely focusing.
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Thats when he slides a hand into my crotch massaging me below shocking me back to myself. I try to protest but its mostly grunts and indiscernible noises, but really I’m helpless and weak.  But I squirm and fight off all attempts as I can. Will it do good indefinitely? Probably not… 
Still i fight. He rubs for a bit then goes still and removes his hand. He turns and comes back with something. He unravels it and slides it under the back of my neck. Then wraps it all the way around my neck. Something is dangling on the side of my neck and he pulls it up. It looks like a manual blood pressure cuff. He smiles at me then plants his hand back into me rubbing softly. I groan and thrash. He lifts the lil pump to his cheek level and looking me dead in the eyes- he squeezes. Pump Pump Pump. The cuff around my neck begins to inflate. My eyes bulge wide fear seeping into my hot veins. I thrash “ahhh!!!” i scream. 
Jameson POV
Your still fighting. Im excited to see that. I go for the morbidly obese sized blood pressure cuff  and slide it under your neck. Once your neck is wrapped i continue rubbing you below. “pump. pump. pump”  i squeeze it thrice. It tightens around your neck. your eyes go wide as breathe is harder to grasp. “let go sweetheart!” I commend you softly but willing you to challenge me.  Come on…let go, just let it happen baby.”
 i look you in the eyes drinking in your fear, your fight. It’s like marrow to dry bones, absolutely life giving. I’m soaking you in, every once, every fight, every gasp. I bask in it as i rub you gently driving you all the more insane. I pump and pump again. Your breath is nearly halted. A few more pumps and there will be no oxygen able to flow. I wait. “Come one, give in to me…” i will you as i watch your red face growing purple slowly. You still fight to get free, wiggle your  pelvis to try and stop me. I smile. I wanna see you break. Another squeeze of my hand has your voice choked off.  i work you up into orgasm. 
You’re slowing down. Blinking and staring off into nothing for seconds before coming back to focus. “Come on Melina sweetheart!” I almost beg you. “Just let it happen.” I don’t slow my strokes. You hold out stubbornly. Another squeeze and now you literally are breathing as if through a straw. Your chest bobs up and down working to get oxygen. Your stomach heaving, grasping for any single morsel of air.  But what can fit down your windpipe is too measly too satisfy. 
Your beginning to loosen up and go out. But it also means you are letting go. “Thats it Malina.” I smile and pick up my rubbing pace slightly. Your eyes flicker at the change of tempo. “That’s it sweetheart... Let it go…come  on…” i will you as I come closer to drink in every feature of your face as you surrender. 
Your rigid body begins to go slack from lack of oxygen. “That’s it baby… that it!” I look at the monitor and your heart is nearly at the 190 mark. “Come on. Let it happen sweetie…” i wait. “You can’t stop it. You will cum for me…so let it go.” i whisper up against your ear. “Let go…let go sweetie…. yes!” I feel your surrender is near. “THat’s it sweetheart! Thats it!!!!!” You suddenly spasm, the orgasm taking shape in you. I grin, ripping off the blood pressure cuff to give you oxygen. 
You suck in a grand long deep breath as your beautiful bare chest expands to capacity. You breath in and continue to orgasm as you come back to yourself now fully oxygenated. Once your fully conscious and aware what’s transpired you begin to cry, whimpering softly, bound on the table. “Good girl Malina! Your such a good girl for me!” I rub your cheek grinning like a school boy in love. I slide my other hand up your still heaving chest and plant it over your heart.
“You see that sweetheart?” i take a moment to feel your beats. “Your heart’s beating in my hand. It’s such a good little obedient heart…” i coo drunk on the power i have over you. “No matter what i always win… ok baby?”
“Ok…!” you sob and i slide the hand to your left breast rubbing your nipple. For once you lay limp. Your fight is gone. I win… I ALWAYS win!
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lovesanmotion · 3 years
ateez reacts: being distant and getting close with another member
💌 This is: requested | To the person who requested this, I got carried away and wrote it angsty because we all love a good angst, or maybe that’s just me 
If only he knew it was going to end up like this, maybe he should have accepted your feelings for him. But now, he’s in despair, watching you get close with Yunho was a pain for him. Back then, it didn’t matter to him whoever talked to you and whatever you did. It was your business and not his, why should he meddle into it? After you confessed to him, he was so unsure what to say, that he walked away. 
Weeks turned to months, Hongjoong mentally prepared himself to hear a news that you and Yunho would be dating. As these clouds continue to dawn into him, he walked into the dorm as eight people shouted “Happy Birthday!” to him, and you, standing in the middle holding the cake with a lit candle. Maybe there’s still hope for him and you? If there is, Hongjoong wouldn’t waste the chance. 
Maybe it was harsh of him to yell at you that he didn’t want a relationship as of the moment. What he failed to notice was your trembling figure and the tears that were threatening to fall down from your eyes. The guilt of yelling and acting that way to you would haunt him that after a few minutes, he would look all over for you to apologize. Only to find you, crying and being comforted in the arms of Wooyoung. 
Seeing you crying in his shoulder while being embraced brought in a new feeling to him: jealousy. It should be him that was comforting you, but he blamed himself for acting impulsively towards you, and now it has lead to this. He didn’t know how he would act and behave now towards you, but seeing as the days go by and you were happy being with Wooyoung saddens him. If only he could turn back time, he would accept you wholeheartedly.
“Yunho, I like you.” 
He lets out a dry chuckle. “Are you joking right now?” 
He hated himself for responding that way. His rejection has brought you and Mingi closer, possibly much closer than you and Yunho, possibly much closer than he would like. Everytime he closes his eyes, your voice saying “Yunho, I like you” is what haunts him to sleep and alarms his once he wakes up in the morning. He didn’t like this feeling at all. And he wanted to end it by going out with you. 
“Don’t be sad, Y/N. Maybe he’ll come around to his senses and come back for you.” He once heard Mingi say as he was about to enter the practice room. 
“That would be nice to know. But I’m already in the process of moving on.” 
His heart broke once he hears what you said. He wanted to barge into the room, kiss you and say “I like you”. But he couldn’t just do that to you, someone who’s moving on and think he was playing with your feelings. If anything, he wished that the stars would bring you two together again. 
He wondered, out of all the men out there who would be willing to spend all their time with you, why him when he can’t even take you out on a real date? 
He likes you. He truly do, but at the same time, he also loves what he’s doing. In the day, he’d be filming for variety shows, in the afternoon he’s filming for his individual activities and at night, he spends time inside the company building. He wondered what truly made you like him, when there’s San, who makes time for you and makes sure to call you within the day to check up on you. Every night he wished that he was another regular person with a regular job, being able to take you to out on dates whenever you two are available, be able to say “i love you” without thousands of people judging the two of you. Everyday, he curses himself upon the love he wishes to have. 
“San-ah, I’ve been meaning to tell you that...I like you!” 
His eyes widens, unsure of what to say, tilting his head to the other side. “You don’t know what you’re saying, Y/N.” he says before casually changing the topic. 
Ever since that day, he would get the chills and the haunts. Chills running down his spine as if you were there with him, even though you aren’t. And the haunting of your voice to which he always hears even if you aren’t there too. Slowly, he would hate himself for turning you down like that. You were everything that he ever needs, the woman who his mother exactly told him to date. And he...rejected you just like that? 
Late that night, he finds himself under the rain, running towards your place, hoping he would be given one more chance. 
In all honesty, he hates seeing you with Hongjoong. Sometimes, he’d zone out and create a scenario in his head wherein he walks up to you and Hongjoong, pushing him out of the way and just kissing you then and there. Sadly, it only remained an imagination in his head. 
He thought you were only joking when you confessed that you liked him. You always love to tell a joke, so when you dropped the “i like you” bomb at him, he simply laughed at you and said “y/n thats such a bad joke”. And obviously, you were hurt, half expecting that he would also like you back. And then it became awkward for the both of you, until pride got in the way and managed to make it hard to talk to one another. 
It started out as a joke of Wooyoung saying “I always knew you’re the one for me” everytime he has the chance to say that line. He only started saying that to you, until he started to say that line to every other female friend he has. At first, you weren’t bothered. It was always his nature to be flirty and never commit, until all you ever see is green everytime he says that joke to another female person. 
“I don’t think you quite understand....but let me tell you. Wooyoung, I like you.” 
seen 1:38am 
Ever since you told him you like him, the both of you have stopped talking. Wooyoung spent most of his time with the boys now and you kept your distance from him. Everytime the boys would talk about you, he would simply keep quiet and do something else. He blamed himself for this. He knew he should said or did something. But now, seeing as you were happy with Seonghwa, makes him think otherwise. 
Was it possible to get jealous without even wanting you? 
Ever since you dropped the confession bomb to him one night, he ruined the moment saying that he wasn’t ready to commit, but wants you for himself. And he knew that was selfish of him because: 
(1) The label between you two is indefinite (2) You are unsure whether Jongho likes you back or not, he could be toying your feelings for all you know and lastly (3) It’s selfish of him to want you but then not know what kind of label you two are, you don’t even know where you stand in his life. 
And now the communication between you two thinned until you two are nothing more than strangers who knew each other’s secrets. 
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