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#but the genre itself) are important to watch and learn
mundifinis · 1 year
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i pray the day never comes when tiktok discovers gregg araki's films (specifically the teenage apocalypse trilogy ones) because the amount of discourse i can already picture.... oh my god
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alexa-crowe · 2 months
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subjected the parents to some of my mlim episode ideas hehe
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lilacnini · 1 month
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𐙚 ALL MY FEARS FOR FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU
₊˚⊹ notes ~ crush!jungwon x fem!reader ⋆⭒ warnings: kisses, confession ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 word count: 600+꩜⋆ ˚。⋆˚ genre: fluff, school au | | LIBRARY FOR MORE...
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The way you smiled, the way you talked, just being yourself – he despised it. Specifically, Jungwon. He wasn’t in love; he knew that much. It wouldn’t have made sense. He had more important things to focus on than falling for someone. Oh, how he loathed how every time you burst into the school council room, hair disheveled and uniform messed up from running, still you looked effortlessly stunning.
"Jungwon, have you submitted the papers to the office?" you inquired, sorting through files in the room with Jungwon.
"Yeah..." His cheeks slightly flushed as he bent down to gather papers, attempting to conceal his embarrassment.
"That's good," your voice trailed off as you gathered the papers to leave the room.
With a smile, you added, "I also noticed your flushed face, by the way. Not that oblivious." With that, you exited the room, papers in hand, leaving Jungwon even more embarrassed, his cheeks now completely red and burning. He stood there, watching as you skipped across the hallway into the school front office.
Jungwon despised falling in love for numerous reasons. One was his fear. He didn't want to appear timid, yet the fear persisted. He tried to run away from love, but it engulfed him like a tide. The moments of his first love stinged him as he remembered weeks of having the chance of a relationship, she left him abandoned. 
Months had passed, but the fear lingered. He hesitated to acknowledge his feelings for you, afraid of history repeating itself. He feared being left heartbroken once more.
Weeks went by, and Jungwon found himself at the convenience store at a late night, picking through an array of snacks. The door chimed as you entered, scanning the shelves. Caught off guard, Jungwon's ears turned red as you called his name.
"Jungwon?" you raised an eyebrow, noticing his immediate blush. 
"Ah, YN!" he smiled, attempting to act nonchalant, though his cheeks betrayed him. Despite his embarrassment, you found him endearing. His blush at your gaze, his smile, his laughter — all captivating to you.
"Came for snacks?" you inquired, observing the item in his hand and then meeting his eyes. 
"Yeah... What about you?" he asked.
"Just grabbing a drink," you replied, selecting a bottle of water.
Together, you headed to the counter, paid for your items, and exited the store.
Under the dark sky, beside the Han river, you walked together, the water shimmering in the moonlight. Conversation flowed between you, the atmosphere serene and perfect.
As he mustered up the courage, he started off, "Are you interested in anyone?" 
Taken aback by the sudden question, you hesitated, then admitted, "Well, yeah, sort of..."
"Who is it?" he asked, a glimmer of hope flickering within him.
"You know him well," you teased, awaiting his reaction.
Puzzled, Jungwon considered. It couldn't be his friend, Heeseung who as in the student council as well, could it? You and Heeseung seemed mismatched in his mind. 
"Do I?" he inquired, his eyebrow raised. 
"A little too well," you giggled, charmed by his expression.
"Just tell me," he pouted, his hope dwindling. 
"He's right next to me," you revealed, smiling.
Suddenly, Jungwon's eyes widened as he realized your mutual feelings. His cheeks burned, his heart racing. 
"M-me?" he stammered. 
"Is it you?" you teased. 
"I mean..." he mumbled, scratching the back of his neck.
"Jungwon, I like you a lot. I like everything about you — the way you talk, smile, laugh... everything. But if you re-"  before you could even finish, you felt his lips pressing against yours. You longed for this moment, the way his lips perfectly matched yours like a puzzle piece. You kissed him back with the same passion, falling deep into his arms. Of course Jungwon feared for a relationship but he learned if it's with you, he doesn’t fear a thing.
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© 2024 — all rights reserved to user lilacnini, please do not steal, plagiarise or translate any of my work without prior permission from me
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waitmyturtles · 7 days
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Turtles Catches Up With Old GMMTV: KinnPorsche, and Analyzing the KP Cultural Zeitgeist Edition (Part 2)
[What’s going on here? After joining Tumblr and discovering Thai BLs through KinnPorsche in 2022, I began watching GMMTV’s new offerings -- and realized that I had a lot of history to catch up on, to appreciate the more recent works that I was delving into. From tropes to BL frameworks, what we’re watching now hails from somewhere, and I’m learning about Thai BL's history through what I’m calling the Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC). Starting with recommendations from @absolutebl on their post regarding how GMMTV is correcting for its mistakes with its shows today, I’ve made an expansive list to get me through a condensed history of essential/classic/significant Thai BLs produced by GMMTV and many other BL studios. My watchlist, pasted below, lists what I’ve watched and what’s upcoming, along with the reviews I’ve written so far. Today, I conclude a two-part series on my thoughts on KinnPorsche, my very first Thai BL, and the impact that I think KP has had on the Thai BL industry since 2022.]
Top of the morning (or whatever time zone you're in) to ya! Yesterday, I ruminated on KinnPorsche's foundation in regards to how the show wasn't as innovative as newbie members of the Thai BL fandom, like myself, may have thought in 2022 -- but was rather a great example of a show that derivatively used a lot of excellent past Thai BL influences in order to make a newly stylized show that I think, for the most part, worked well.
Harkening back to the outline for these two pieces that I laid out yesterday, this post will concentrate on:
3) How I think KP has impacted how other studios approach, market, and write Thai BLs now, and 4) A quick passing thought on BOC's own continued influence on the Thai BL genre and industry since 2022, particularly by way of Dead Friend Forever.
Before I get fully into point 3, I wanted to take a second to offer one more thought on an element about the KinnPorsche series itself that I didn't unwind on much yesterday, and one that'll connect with point 3 in a second. I mentioned yesterday that I personally (in my own opinion, I am accountable here) don't think that some of the VegasPete elements of the show helped the show's flow and continuity at all times. After my rewatch, I think the show could have stood for more episode editing to better its flow. I very much know how beloved VegasPete are in much of the KP fandom (thanks so much to dear friend @wen-kexing-apologist for the conversations about this during my rewatch!), so I don't want to pooh-pooh very hard, because at the same time, I think Bible as an actor was valuable to the show regarding Vegas's interactions with Porsche -- that side storyline offered intrigue and depth particularly into Porsche's mindset at the end of the series. At the same time, I think the VegasPete scenes contained enough questionable takes on trauma and attraction that I think now contribute to the show's legend and status as a uniquely heaty drama, but (in my opinion, people, I own this!), I think some of those takes could have been removed, smoothed, or tamped down for editing's sake, vis à vis those questionable takes in particular.
Taking VegasPete's trauma-and-kink-driven storyline, and KinnPorsche's romps and unravellings, into consideration, along with the show's excellent use of comedy as a plot driver: I think that KinnPorsche has clearly had an impact on how subsequent "heat" BL dramas have been created and marketed since KP's run. I'm thinking in particularly of some big ones (heh heh), including 2023's Only Friends, and 2023-24's Playboyy (which I did not finish, FYI).
Heat -- and the increasing use and management of it -- has long been an important element of the Thai BL industry. Like I said yesterday, MaxTul (my beloved) were pioneers of it in Together With Me and Manner of Death, and MAME consecrated episodic heat in 2019's TharnType, and even introduced enough of it notably in 2018's Love By Chance by way of those awesome spicy AePete scenes. And the WONDERFUL Lovely Writer offered meta commentary about the dependence that the Thai BL/Series Y industry has on heat in order to drive in fans, oftentimes to the detriment of more interesting and/or fulfilling and/or emotionally complicated plots.
KinnPorsche's lengthy marketing, from its Filmania days in 2020 and 2021, to its eventual 2022 premiere through Be On Cloud, certainly helped to drive interest and intrigue in the show, from the debut pairing of MileApo, to the clear use of heat that the show was promising before its airing. (Red Peafowl could never.)
Looking at the moment we are in right now -- early spring of 2024, with the ability to look back on the conclusions of both Only Friends and Playboyy -- I see the influence that KinnPorsche had on these shows being HUGELY marketed as cutting-edge-entrées to a high-heat and high-interest slice of Thai BL, particularly for Only Friends, which was GMMTV's own first step into really high-heat territory.
Both of the shows ended in meh territory (and both shows were written by the same writer in Den Panuwat, who may very well have a monogamy kink). Both shows ended up putting pure monogamy on a pedestal, and seemed to judge extra-monogamous sex as a "mistake" that was worth rectifying through "true," i.e., monogamous, love.
I posit, and I'm glad, that KinnPorsche did NOT go this route. Extracurricular sex wasn't even in the show's genes anyway, but -- the heat that KP marketed at the time of its premiere was solely associated with the centralized romances of the two main pairings. KinnPorsche didn't have to get extra-monogamously messy in its bones (huh huh) in order to be hot -- and it makes me curious to wonder why shows like Only Friends and Playboyy felt the need to promote relational messiness as a way to hype up their heat, all of which kinda putzed out in the end run of both of those shows.
Of course, we've still had heat in many other shows since KP's premiere, including in directions that roundly surprised the larger fandom, such as Pit Babe's take on omegaverse, and maybe even the vets Earth and Mix getting hot and heavy in Moonlight Chicken, a direction that Aof Noppharnach has been known to not take for the sake of keeping the ratings on his shows kid-friendly. But I do find it interesting that the heavy promotion of Only Friends and Playboyy led the fandom to think that these shows were going to have progressive takes on sex and sexuality, when they ultimately did not (I'd even argue that both of these shows ended up being judgemental of sexual experimentation). And while I don't think KinnPorsche's takes on heat were necessarily progressive, I do think the marketing of their actors getting into that, particularly as compared to Apo's previous career path in leaving acting for a while, was notable -- and as well, the care that the show took to depict heat scenes with excellent cinematography makes many of those scenes so memorable today.
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I want to make one final note about KinnPorsche's and Be On Cloud's general influence on the Thai BL industry, in that I'm impressed by their investment in generally good-to-great writing and directing. As I overviewed yesterday, KinnPorsche heavily featured veterans from across the BL landscape, and Be On Cloud's latest serial offering, Dead Friend Forever, continued that trajectory, having an OG BL director in Ma-Deaw Chookiat partly take the helm of that show. Very importantly, Ma-Deaw Chookiat has been the screenwriter and director of a number of seminal Thai queer films and shows, including 2019's Dew, and more impactfully, 2007's The Love of Siam, which is considered a harbinger of the television Thai BL industry, and a film that has notably influenced important Thai BL creators, especially New Siwaj, who doesn't hesitate to include references to LoS in many of his shows, including Until We Meet Again, My Only 12%, and more. Chookiat has also screenwritten and/or directed three shows written by the notable Thai Y novelist, Sammon, in DFF, Manner of Death, and Triage. Sammon has been on a tear recently, as she will be the screenwriter for BOC's upcoming drama, 4 Minutes, as well as Spare Me Your Mercy, the hugely anticipated BL drama starring Tor Thanapob and singer Jaylerr.
Going back to my thoughts earlier about big marketing of big BLs: we've seen some duds recently from shows that were marketed at a big tip, from OF, to Playboyy, to Idol Factory's The Sign. From what I've gathered from the Tumblr tag regarding The Sign -- it seems that show suffered mostly from a lack of editorial context and plot sensibility and tightness, and that there could have been a good show, if the show had spent less money on CGI, and more money on the script.
Be On Cloud seems to mostly be putting its money where its pen is. I say "mostly" as a caveat. Was the ending of DFF fantastic? No, and I totally admit as much: while the show mostly stuck to its slasher genre conventions (thank you so much to @lurkingshan, my genre guru, for explaining this to me), the show seemed to poop out in the end by giving us a PheeJin BL ship, instead of Phee's and Jin's gruesome deaths. Womp womp. The pull of BL, and the need for clean-ish endings for the fujoshi crowd, may still be too economically enticing for studios, including Be On Cloud itself.
But I'm optimistic for BOC's upcoming shows, with the talent and money they're putting into scripts and directing. And we know that BOC's first film, the non-queer Man Suang, was an important artistic point for the studio as it continues its investment in MileApo and experimental content to market within and outside of Thailand. It was important enough that Dead Friend Forever, emanating from the Thai BL world, took on an entirely different genre instead, and literally presented that back to BL fans on a silver platter. I hope 4 Minutes can tread similar experimental territory. And I'm glad to see Be On Cloud being able to invest in high-quality writing and directing after the publicly major obstacles the studio experienced last year during the Build Jakapan scandal.
From the time I discovered Thai BLs in 2022, to now: I would not have expected KinnPorsche and Be On Cloud to start such a journey in my personal drama fan life. As well, considering how many damn shows I've now watched from Thailand, I also didn't expect this rewatch of KinnPorsche to be so much fun. AND, I truly didn't realize I had this much to say about it -- but there was a lot of say, especially by way of how referential the original KinnPorsche series was, which touched my little nerdy BL heart.
With that, I say ta-ta to my entrée to this fun world of Thai BLs, and move on to the next one!
[OKAY! We are kind of back of the grind, although my ability to watch dramas has really been hampered by real life obligations and schedules. BUT: I'm trucking along through War of Y, and I have some fun rewatches coming up in The Eclipse (my first-ever GMMTV BL), as well as two new-to-me dramas in GAP (the first GL on the list, WOO!) and My School President, which I can't wait for.
I've made a few tiddly adjustments to the list below, including adding Dead Friend Forever as an important addition, and I'm deep in my giggles with 23.5, which I am LOVING. ONWARDS! For more details about the ongoing list, please checkity-check here!
1) The Love of Siam (2007) (movie) (review here) 2) My Bromance (2014) (movie) (review here) 3) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) (review here) 4) Gay OK Bangkok Season 1 (2016) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 5) Make It Right (2016) (review here) 6) SOTUS (2016-2017) (review here) 7) Gay OK Bangkok Season 2 (2017) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 8) Make It Right 2 (2017) (review here) 9) Together With Me (2017) (review here) 10) SOTUS S/Our Skyy x SOTUS (2017-2018) (review here) 11) Love By Chance (2018) (review here) 12) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) (no review) 13) He’s Coming To Me (2019) (review here) 14) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again (2018) (review here) 15) TharnType (2019-2020) (review here) 16) Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (OffGun BL cuts) (2016 and 2017) (no review) 17) Theory of Love (2019) (review here) 18) 3 Will Be Free (2019) (a non-BL and an important harbinger of things to come in 2019 and beyond re: Jojo Tichakorn pushing queer content in non-BLs) (review here) 19) Dew the Movie (2019) (review here) 20) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020) (review here) (and notes on my UWMA rewatch here) 21) 2gether (2020) and Still 2gether (2020) (review here) 22) I Told Sunset About You (2020) (review here) 23) YYY (2020, out of chronological order) (review here) 24) Manner of Death (2020-2021) (review here) 25) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) (review here) 26) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake Of Rewatching Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (re-review here) 27) Lovely Writer (2021) (review here) 28) Last Twilight in Phuket (2021) (the mini-special before IPYTM) (review here) 29) I Promised You the Moon (2021) (review here) 30) Not Me (2021-2022) (review here) 31) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) (thesis here) 32) 55:15 Never Too Late (2021-2022) (not a BL, but a GMMTV drama that features a macro BL storyline about shipper culture and the BL industry) (review here) 33) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) and Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (2023) OGMMTVC Rewatch (Links to the BBS OGMMTVC Meta Series are here: preamble here, part 1, part 2, part 3a, part 3b, and part 4) 34) Secret Crush On You (2022) (review here) 35) KinnPorsche (2022) (tag here)  36) KinnPorsche (2022) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For the Sake of Re-Analyzing the KP Cultural Zeitgeist (part 1 here)
...interrupting the OGMMTVC list here to watch War of Y (2022) (watching) in chronology to decide if it gets listed...
37) The Eclipse (2022) (tag here) 38) The Eclipse OGMMTVC Rewatch to Reexamine “Genre BLs” and Internalized/Externalized Homophobia in GMMTV Shows  39) GAP (2022-2023) (Thailand’s first GL) 40) My School President (2022-2023) and Our Skyy 2 x My School President (2023) 41) Moonlight Chicken (2023) (tag here) 42) Bed Friend (2023) (tag here) 43 La Pluie (2023) (review coming) 44) Be My Favorite (2023) (tag here) (I’m including this for BMF’s sophisticated commentary on Krist’s career past as a BL icon) 45) Wedding Plan (2023) (Recommended as an important trajectory in the course of MAME’s work and influence from TharnType) 46) Only Friends (2023) (tag here) (not technically a BL, but it certainly became one in the end) 47) Last Twilight (2023-24) (tag here) (on the list as Thailand’s first major BL to center disability, successfully or otherwise) 48) Cherry Magic Thailand (2023-24) (tag here) (on the list as the first major Japanese-to-Thai drama adaptation, featuring the comeback of TayNew) 49) Ossan’s Love Returns (2024) (adding for the EarthMix cameo and the eventual Thai remake) 50) Dead Friend Forever (2024) (thoughts here) 51) 23.5 (2024)]
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cixl-writes · 1 year
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hiraeth — kang haerin
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SYPNOSIS — `` | it was almost scary to think that history repeats itself.
PAIRING — `` | kang haerin x fem!reader
GENRE — `` | honestly i don't even know
WARNING(S) — `` | brief mention of bullying and homophobia. mentions of divorce.
NOTE — `` | longest fic i've written :D hope you guys like it
CONTINUATION — `` | minji version // hanni version
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the world is scary.
that was what kim y/n has learned from her experience. as a child, she would often get made fun of for having 'weird parents' when really, she only had two mothers.
she didn't know what those kids and their parents meant with weird but y/n always looks up in admiration whenever she sees her parents.
it has always been them against the world, they didn't care whether or not they were hated. all they care about is their little family.
growing up, y/n loves to witness her parents dance to slow songs, often being enticed to joining in. the atmosphere was always full of love, care, and warmth.
until it wasn't.
her parents, minji and hanni seems to be in a silent war— it's been 4 years. y/n is now 16 and not so naive, she already noticed the now cold exchange of her parents ever since she was 14.
she thought that they'll get past it soon enough but it just got worser and worser.
y/n once saw them in a heated argument, about how neglecting hanni was; her mom always chooses to drown herself with work, that much y/n knows.
it wasn't like hanni, out of all people, was neglecting— she always made time for her family.
perhaps, her mother was just finding a reason to finally put on an end on this damned war.
y/n hated seeing her mother cry as she finally ordered her mom to get out of the house, it was heart-breaking. her mother barely cries, especially at the presences of both of her love ones. so when she saw those endless tears streaming down her cheeks, she immediately dashed to embrace her beloved mother.
it's almost amazing to think that her parents lasted those 4 years that is full of arguments and snarky remarks together.
"y/n!"
oh right, she was in the middle of playing against their rival school. she really have to stop her mind from wandering when she's in an important game.
the girl quickly glanced around before deciding to set to the left wing, trusting her with scoring the last point for their win and knowing that there was no blockers in front of her. cheers and whooping were all y/n could hear after the loud spike sounded.
she sighed in mild exhaustion and irritation, walking to the bench to not get caught in the team hug— predicting it like always. "great job as usual, you genius!" her captain pats her head roughly once she caught up, making the setter grumble.
"...thanks."
y/n didn't bother hearing the older one laugh boisterously, eyes scanning the busy crowd for a certain friend.
ah yes, that kang haerin— the girl that continously plagued her mind. that girl who saw y/n breaking down in the swings after hearing the result of her parents' divorce.
once they've made eye contact, haerin lowers her recorder and gave y/n a small smile. "good game." she mouthed meekly, making the other smile sarcastically and to reply. "of course, i played in it."
the kang rolled her eyes, playfully. the other chuckled before running up to her beloved best friend, avoiding the approaching fans of hers whilst doing so. "so how'd you get here, rinnie?"
"every classmate of ours wanted to watch your game, so our adviser convinced the school to take all of us in your game." y/n scratched her nape in slight embarrassment, another voice joining in with teasing in her tone. "haerin, however, was the one who convinced our adviser the most!"
hong eunchae laughed delightfully when she saw a tint of red on the kang's cheeks. "aw, you did, rinnie? man, if i had known that, i would've showed off more." y/n whined playfully, clutching her head and shaking it with faux disappointment. eunchae laughed at the act.
haerin scrunched her nose a little, smacking her shoulder before huffing. "shut up, y/n. go and take a shower, you stink."
y/n gasped dramatically, "i do not stink!"
"you do." haerin could barely hide her grin. "i do not, kang haerin!"
"can't hear you."
"hey! i do not–! kang haerin!"
pham hanni stared at the scene with a slight frown, heaving a light sigh. of course, she was happy that her child was finally getting along with someone who doesn't make fun of her for having two mothers! it's just that she was reminded by y/n's dynamic with kang haerin of her former dynamic with her ex-wife, kim minji.
and that couldn't be a good sign.
but pushing those thoughts aside, hanni forced a smile as her beloved daughter came bounding over to her with her friends in toe. "hi champ! congrats on winning~"
y/n smiled widely at the sight of her, "mom, you're here! thank you." hanni ruffled her hair with a now genuine smile. "let's celebrate?" the kim brightened up completely before glancing unsurely at her friends, something that hanni immediately caught on.
"of course, they can come with us too. i'll have to get permission from their parents, though."
then, the pham was scanning her daughter's clothes judgingly. "but first, take a shower and go change, y/n. you stink, child." haerin grinned like a cat, "see?"
"i do not stink!"
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y/n blinked at the thing that caught her attention.
she tugged at the only adult's sleeves, whispering in an entranced manner. "mom, can i buy something first?" hanni, although curious as to what caught her little one's attention, nodded with a sweet smile. "of course, we'll go ahead and take a seat on the restaurant so be quick."
y/n smiled lightly before jogging to that store, hanni's gaze following her with a smile of her own. but that smile soon turned into a parted lips as soon as her eyes caught sight of the name of the store.
a sense of déjàvu filled her body as her daughter's figure in her vision changed into her ex-wife's. part joyful and part bitter memories from back then hits her like a truck, she had almost cried right then and there.
the pham shook her head to wake herself up before guiding her daughter's friends to the restaurant near by, pushing those thoughts at the back of her mind.
that couldn't be.
meanwhile, y/n looked through the vhs tapes that was displayed in the shelves neatly, humming with fascination as she browsed through the different antiques. she had always been interested in antiques, just because her parents showed an old tape they took when they were young.
it was a beautiful tape, to say the least. y/n was hooked right off the bat.
back to the scene, two tapes, in particular, caught her attention the most. she carefully took it into her hands, afraid that she might put damage in it, and observed it with curiosity swimming in her eyes.
"to the one i love the most. - kim minji." one read, making her eyes widen a little. her mother's vhs tape is here? her gaze moved to the other one she had in her hands. "my love for you is everlasting. - pham hanni."
what is her parents' tapes doing here?
"hm? oh, y/n!" danielle marsh, her childhood friend, called out with her usual bright smile as she walked towards her friend. "dani!" y/n was almost surprised to see her friend here. "what are you doing here? mom would be so glad to see you so interested in our items."
wait— the marsh's owns this store?
oh right, she could faintly remember danielle mentioning it once. "ah, tell auntie i said hi! also, can i buy these?" the marsh blinked at the items she had before smiling once again, remembering how interested her friend is with vhs tapes. "of course! let me just ring it up~"
the girl followed her friend to the cashier, still staring at vhs tapes she had on her hand. "how have you been? i haven't seen you for a while now!" danielle striked up a conversation, not minding about the fact that y/n is still staring at the tapes so intently.
"i've been doing fine, we won championship earlier so that's one good thing that happened. we're going to nationals soon." she paused before pursing her lips. "oh, and mom is here. she's the one taking me home since mother is out of the country."
danielle was immediately worried, slightly perplexed at her friend's tone. "really? you don't sound too happy about it, though." y/n shook her head, conflicted about her own feelings. yes, she was happy that hanni took time off her demanding work as a singer just to watch her game but she felt like a nuisance to her.
she had heard about the comments about how hanni should just cut off her connection with her ex-wife and daughter, stating that she could have a better life than lumping herself with them.
her company had released a response as a result, saying that her fandom shouldn't interfere with her personal life and that hanni loved her daughter more than anyone.
still, y/n is unsure. "it's not that, it's just— it's just that i feel like i'm getting in the way of mom's work." danielle frowned lightly, taking the tapes from her friend's hands before speaking once again.
"you've been reading through those comments, aren't you?"
danielle knows her so well, it's almost scary.
"no—" the marsh lightly rolled her eyes, interrupting right away. "i swear, you're the most obvious person i've known in my entire life." the korean-australian huffed in distaste. "no use in lying now, kim y/n. what's going on in that mind of yours?"
"...i'm just wondering whether i deserve to be born with both of them as my parents or not. i mean, i know that they love me and all but— they had me when they were in their prime; i got in the way of mom's work as a singer and made her go on a hiatus for a whole year. then, mother had to give up on her dreams just to take care of the sick little me." she paused for a little while, taking a deep breathe before continuing.
"that costed their relationship's downfall, i know that damn well without them even needing to tell me. there's no way in hell that a person could say that it wasn't my fault after knowing all this shit." y/n ranted her feelings out, feeling a hand patting her head right after she finished.
danielle had a small smile, it was small but it had that comfort she needed. "they love you because you gave them a new reason to stay together longer than they intended, mom told me that before."
longer than they intended? what does that mean?
as if she heard her question, danielle spoke up once more. "auntie hanni loved auntie minji so much to the point that she'll risk her life for her, and vice versa. they dated when they were in high school but no one in their family supported them throughout the years they spent together, mom told me that auntie hanni always came crying to her after fights with auntie minji about her family saying rude remarks."
the marsh gently placed her friend's items in a paper bag, humming lightly. "soon enough, the both of them got tired from the constant snarky remarks they received and gave to each other, they planned to end their dying relationship when they found you in the orphanage." the korean-australian handed the paper bag with a light smile.
"mom said that you were like their light in the dark times of them, auntie hanni and auntie minji never got into fights anymore when they first adopted you." y/n took a deep breathe, shocked. "you're basically the glue of your family, y/n/n."
danielle chuckled before leaning forward on the counter, her signature simper present like always. "but that's enough story time about your parents. look who's coming to get you, lover girl." the girl tilted her head to the side but before she can ask what she meant, a familiar voice echoed behind her.
"kim y/n, auntie hanni told me to get you. you're so slow when it comes to antiques, seriously..." kang haerin called out with an exasperated tone as she approached. y/n scratched her nape before looking back at her childhood friend, "i'll be going now, dani. i'll text you later."
danielle grinned happily and nodded, winking. "you better! bye, lover girl~"
the girl walked out of the store with haerin by her side, right after glaring at the now cackling marsh. "what'd you buy?" the cat-like other asked as soon as she took notice of the bag.
"oh, it's vhs tapes!" y/n stared at the paper bag she had on her hand, not paying any mind when haerin kept on glancing at her with curiosity.
"wanna watch it together, rinnie? come sleep over at mom's house tonight!" the girl didn't wanted to be alone whilst watching these two tapes, having the kang haerin by her side is much more better.
the cat-like girl hums, pretending to think about it. "i don't know... mom said that i have to be back by 9..." she smirked, knowing her mom has indeed never said that. kim y/n deadpans, "your mom that said that is gone for a conference in america, i hope you don't think that my memory is shit."
haerin laughed a little before finally agreeing, "fine, you got me. of course, i'll agree to that." y/n lazily threw her arms up in the air, nonchalantly celebrating. "yay."
the kang smacked her friend's arms with a small pout.
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"ready?"
y/n questioned with a raised eyebrow, haerin quietly nodding her head in confirmation once she settled herself in a comfortable position in the other's bed. "okay~" the girl in front of the tv smiled before playing the tape, rushing up to her bed in excitement.
the kang laughs a little but is hushed right away by the now focused kim. the video started with a younger pham hanni's face up close in the camera, a smile showing itself on her lips.
soon, she backed up to a fair distance, waving at the camera with visible excitement as she grinned. "hello!" her mom's aussie accent is completely evident as she spoke in english, taking haerin aback when she recognized that voice. "you bought your parent's vhs tape?"
"you may be wondering about what this tape is for! this tape is completely dedicated to my love, the one i promise to spend my entire lifetime together, my home, kim minji!" y/n scoffed, lightheartedly mocking her parents. "and yet, they can't stand each other anymore."
haerin snickered but didn't say anything. "i'm only doing this because a friend thought that making tapes about your partner is the trend right now so, here i am! let me start now," young hanni smiled innocently before averting her gaze to the side, eyes softening. "i will always love you, kim minji. even if the both of us go through the toughest problem out there, i'll always be by your side. you'll never get rid of me!"
"get out, pham hanni!"
"you will always be the one i will love! even if the world wants us apart, i will never— never! leave you."
"it's over for us, and you know it."
"once we grow older, i'll find a job that can provide for us both and then, we'll be set for life! maybe have a child as well, but that's something only the future can decide on. i'd like to name them y/n, isn't it such a cute name?" hanni tugged on the neck tie of her school uniform before chuckling in mild amusement, seeing her friends get anxious behind the camera at the thought of getting caught filming something in the roof of their school. "they're telling me to hurry up and finish, so i'll end this quick!"
"i love you so much, minji. i hope this tape reaches you safely. my love for you is everlasting, my min." and then, the tape ended there.
haerin furrowed her eyebrow before glancing at the awfully silent y/n, worried. "you okay there?" the other sighed deeply, feeling tears forming in her eyes. "yes, uhm, just fine."
"liar, you're crying."
"no, i'm not."
the kang rolled her eyes but didn't forced the matter, giving her a few more minutes in silence. small and hushed sniffles was then heard as the cat-like girl stayed quiet, waiting for her to compose herself.
"...i feel like it's been ages since i've heard my parents say those things to each other."
haerin hums as she reaches to pat the other's back. "that's understandable, you did said that they were on each other's throat for four straight years before getting divorced." the girl quickly regretted her choice of words, apologizing right away. "sorry..."
y/n dismissed it easily, not really all that bitter at the mentions of her parents' separation anymore. "it's fine. anyway, i wanna watch the next one." she stood up, taking the tape she placed in her desk.
haerin watched as her friend trudged towards the television, looking around before spotting what seems to be love letters on the other's desk. she felt a pang of an unknown feeling hit her, confusing her to no end. why was she feeling that way?
opening her mouth to ask about it, the girl was cut off by the kim who huffed in mild disbelief. "it's taking so long to load."
"you're so impatient, sit down first."
begrudgingly doing so with her bottom lip sticking out, y/n sat beside her and stared at the flickering screen. she didn't even noticed the way haerin admired her side profile that is being highlighted by the flickering lights, smiling to herself unknowingly.
"hm? oh, it's finally working." kim minji's very recognizable face appeared so suddenly in the screen, deep voice echoing slightly in the room. "hi~ i'm being forced by hanni to do this." a faint yell of protest was then heard from the background, a mischievous smile on her mother's visage.
"i'm just joking. anyway, i heard that saying a message to your partner is the new thing these days so i'm doing it as well." minji adjusted her seat before continuing, tapping on the table with a light smile. "to the one i love the most, hanni pham. i hope you know that i love you so, so much, to the point that it hurts."
"i hope that in the future, we will never fight," her child snorted ironically. "and that we'll stay strong for each other. i heard that most people files for divorce after a few years of marriage, but! we'll never be like that. or at least, i hope so."
"let's not— minji, stop. don't you care about how y/n would feel?!"
"it's been 3 years since you've answered my confession, and well, look at us! staying strong and very much still in love with each other~" y/n softened completely when she noticed the stupidly in love grin that was on her mother's lips when her eyes met her mom's own. "i heard that you also said that you wanted a child?" minji's smile grew wider.
"y/n is such a cute name, my han. i'm sure our child would love it~" haerin couldn't even focus on the video anymore, finding herself stuck in admiring y/n's side profile. if someone were to see her, they would laugh. because is that really kang haerin? that kang haerin who continously denies the rumors about her relationship with kim y/n?
so why does she look so lovestruck right now, if she doesn't like her that way? how confusing.
"my love, i promise to never leave you when you're at your worst. your problem is my problem too, isn't it? so don't be shy, hanni, and seek for me when you have a problem. i won't let you down. that's all i have to say." minji chuckled before waving at the camera, gesturing for her girlfriend to come in the frame. when hanni reached her side, the pham buried herself in the other's open arms.
"i love you so much, pham hanni."
"and i hate you so much, kim minji."
the tape ended there, making y/n huff. "well, that's... unexpected." not really. "now, i want to make a tape too." the kim pouted, turning her head to look at her friend for support. "you wanna make one with me?" haerin recovered quickly, smiling mischievously.
"what? like we're going to confess on each other?"
y/n rolled her eyes at that before taking her friend's camera, turning it on and pointing it at the kang's way. "just say whatever you want." haerin scowled playfully, "you didn't even gave me time to prepare myself."
y/n snickered behind the camera, finding amusement in that scowl. "anyway, i don't know what to say."
"say whatever comes into mind, it doesn't matter what it is." the kim encouraged with a simper. the kang stared at the other's features, blinking blankly. "i like you."
y/n almost dropped the camera in shock, making haerin snicker. "what?"
"i like you, y/n. it's about to make me insane." kim y/n has stopped functioning for a little while. nonetheless, kang haerin continued, "i just realized this earlier when we were watching those tapes, and well, maybe i'm inspired by auntie minji and auntie hanni's confession too." haerin smiled lovingly, tilting her head to the side as she stared right at the camera.
"so, i'm saying this now. i like you so much, kim y/n."
"i love you so much, pham hanni."
"and i like you too, kang haerin."
"and i love you too, kim minji."
what a sweet ending.
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animebw · 9 months
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Short Reflection: Oshi no Ko
I have a serious bone to pick with Oshi no Ko.
To be clear, I don't mind that Oshi no Ko is s bad show. Bad shows are a dime a dozen, its not special in that regard. I don't even mind that it's a bad show that got absurdly popular. Again, not an uncommon occurrence, I've learned to live with the popular consensus among anime fans being very hit and miss. No, what chaps my hide about this misguided misfire is that it's the worst kind of bad show: one with delusions of grandeur. It's a self-indulgent piece of pandering wish fulfillment that's convinced itself it's a Deep, Complex masterpiece telling Hard Truths about society while perpetuating all the sins it claims to be criticizing. And while it may have somehow pulled the wool over the eyes of everyone else, I've watched enough anime to see through its plastic facade to the squirming rot underneath. This show is lying to you, and unlike the thesis statement it makes in its first episode, this lie is the lowest form of love I can think of.
And I was excited for Oshi no Ko at first! I've always struggled with idol anime because they can never seem to drop their packaged, plastic facade of perfect little angels chasing their dreams to address anything resembling real emotion. So the promise of a more honest take on the genre exploring the reality of the entertainment industry as a whole, warts and all? Written by the author of Kaguya-Sama, which I've finally come around to appreciating as a masterpiece of the rom-com world? And a bonkers 90 minute opening episode suggesting an adaptation that would go all the way to make this series shine? Yeah, I had high hopes for this one.
And then the first minute of the show had two separate jokes about the protagonist being a pedophile.
Gotta tell you, when I heard Manga fans hyping this one up to high heaven, I was expecting something a little less blatantly unsalvageable than that.
After that, I spent most of that bloated first episode in slack jawed disbelief. Was I really sitting through another Mushoku Tensei reincarnated pedo baby plotting? Why was I being subjected to jokes about who gets to suck their teen mom superstar idol's breast milk? It was almost a relief when the same obsessive stalker who initially took the protagonist's life came back to finish off his new mom, setting him and his similarly reincarnated sister on a seemingly much more interesting path. But by then the damage was done, and the cracks that had formed in Oshi no Ko's foundation would only grow larger and more obvious as it settled into its proper story.
Funnily enough, though, the most obvious warning sign in that first episode wasn't the pedo baby nonsense. No, it was its handling of Hoshino Ai, the aforementioned teen mom superstar idol who got two superfans reincarnated as her twin babies before being murdered by a stalker. For a show claiming to portray the dark reality of the entertainment industry, there isn't a single thing dark or real about Ai. She is a relentlessly perfect plastic mannequin of a person, never once showing herself to be anything less than upbeat, bubbly, and inoffensive. Not once in the three years we spend with her before her death do we see her sulk, throw a tantrum, or express any emotions besides peppy and cheerful. If there’s anything resembling a real girl underneath her facade, we don't get to see it, not even when she's alone with her babies with no one to judge her. This show wants to pull back the curtain on the uncomfortable truths of this industry, but it doesn't even have the guts to pull back the curtain on its most important character and risk turning off an otaku fan base who can't conceive of women as complex individuals with complicated inner lives. And sadly, that cowardice is very indicative of how poorly the show will handle its themes moving forward.
But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Following Ai's death at the climax of the first episode, Oshi no Ko's real story picks up ten or so years later, with her now-teenage children Aqua and Ruby going to a special high school for aspiring entertainment industry professionals. Here they're able to meet fellow creatives and pursue careers in film, television, music, YouTube, and more behind and in front of the camera, all to follow their respective goals of tracking down their mother's killer (Aqua) and following in their mother's footsteps of becoming a beloved idol (Ruby). Thus the stage is set for a walking tour behind the scenes of all corners of the business, exploring the truth behind the shining mask of perfection the entertainment industry so often wears while slowly building up the mystery of who the twins' father was, and why he seemingly arranged for Ai to be killed. A solid setup for the story to explore its ideas in an engaging way, but as always, a setup is only as good as its execution. And no matter how many monologues its characters spew about the true nature of the industry, Oshi no Ko consistently fails to be anything more than plastic and shallow itself.
The biggest issue, sadly, remains Aqua himself. Even after you get over the whole reincarnated pedo baby angle, he is just the most miserably emo edgelord to be around. He's a mopey, brooding bore who looks down on pretty much everyone around him, but the show constantly insists on portraying him as cynically honest,  the one clear-eyed adult in a cast full of kids. Which, considering how female-heavy the rest of the cast it, gives the whole show a creepy, paternalistic vibe. So many of Oshi no Ko's "realistic" portrayals of the industry's scumminess essentially boil down to a naive, inexperienced girl getting in over her head and finding herself in some sort of physical or emotional peril, only for this Light Yagami wannabe to swoop in and save her with the power of his Experienced Adult Man Perspective. There are times when it clearly wants to touch on how particularly rough girls and women have it in this scummy, sexist industry, but it undercuts itself every time it turns their struggles into yet another excuse for the one prominent dude in the cast to show off how much smarter he is.
And yes, in case you even needed to ask, of course the majority of these girls fall in love with him. You've got Kana Arima, a foul mouthed former child actor who's implied to have nursed a crush on him ever since he humiliated her on set years ago by being do much naturally better at acting than her to the point she broke down crying. There's Akane Kurokawa, a sincere good girl who falls for him after he saves her from suicide (more on that later) and otherwise exists to be tortured by some of the most laughable backstory retcons ever put to screen (She's an unprepared novice to the industry! Just kidding, she's a member of a prestigious theater company! Just kidding, she's a child actor who's been part of this industry her whole life!). There's even, believe it or not, his sister Ruby, who in her past life was a terminally ill child in love with Aqua's past life, her physician at the time. He even jokingly promised to marry her when she turned 16, which could have passed as a tragic, knowingly futile promise to comfort a girl who had no chance of living that long, but considering how things ended up... yeah, let's just say I am dreading what happens when Aqua and Ruby discover each other's previous identities. Honestly I almost hope they just say "fuck it" and take the plunge into Incest Lake, just to break the brains of everyone who's convinced themselves this show isn't a trash fire.
It also doesn't help that the dialogue is pretty uniformly terrible. Characters speak in tangled, overwritten declarations and explanations that never read as something a real person would say but also aren't stylish enough to pass for the kind of purposefully exaggerated back-and-forth exchanges that define, for example, the Monogatari series. It seems to think if you just drop a lot of monologues about how dangerous and unfair the entertainment industry is, that will compensate for the relative lack of real danger and unfairness in its actual portrayal. I'm not asking for a Perfect Blue-style pitch black perspective, but there are barely even shades of gray here, to the point it almost feels like the show's lying to you. There's a moment where Ruby and her aspiring idol group exclaim that a collective dressing room they share with a bunch of other bottom-tier idols is "packed like sardines," except the room we're shown has plenty of breathing room and empty space. This show flat out lies to your face, in contradiction of the visuals its showing you, to make the girl's situation seen worse than it actually is.
But let's circle back to Akane and get attempted suicide, because her focus episode is, in my opinion, the one moment where Oshi no Ko actually manages to live up to the expectations it set. Short version, Akane's on a reality dating show with Aqua and a bunch of other high schoolers, and her attempt to make herself more of a presence at her manager's request results in her becoming the target on an online hate mob who takes one bad thing she does and uses it as an excuse to harass her relentlessly. As someone who's seen too many stories like this play out in real life- overwhelming, self-righteous hatred from complete strangers who've convinced themselves your one minor infraction justifies ruining your life- seeing Akane succumb to the tidal wave of insults and threats until she tries to jump off a bridge was one of the most powerful experiences I've had in all of anime this year. It's masterfully directed, impeccably edited, and brutally, unforgivingly honest about how life-ruining this kind of negative online attention can be. It's hands-down the best episode of Oshi no Ko, and if the rest of the show had been as brave as this episode when tackling its subject matter, I'd have no problem singing its praises alongside everyone else.
It's also, sadly, a perfect representation of why this show is so fundamentally broken.
Because when you take a step back and look at the whole picture, as incredible as this episode is in isolation, its only real effect on the plot is to give Aqua yet another helpless admirer to fall I love with him seemingly as a matter of course. Akane's suicide attempt, as gut wrenching and heartbreaking as it is in the moment, only exists to give the reincarnated pedo protagonist another teenage girl to fawn over him. And considering how much inspiration this plot line draws from a real-life suicide tragedy in Japan, to call it nauseating and disrespectful would be the understatement of the century. The real victim's mother certainly seemed to think so, as she held an interview expressing anger that her daughter's tragic fate was being used as free source material without even consulting her first. And if you were hoping Oshi no Ko fans would react to this response with empathy and nuance, showing how much they took away from this arc's message about the evils of online harassment by refusing to participate in it themselves... well, let's just say I truly envy your optimism.
But really, isn't that the most fitting representation of this show's failure? It claims to showcase and criticize the exploitative nature of the entertainment industry, only to exploit real life tragedy for entertainment itself, and its fans react to this ugly truth by becoming exactly the kind of evil the show they claimed to love was warning them against. It's a perfect storm of hypocrisy that reveals just how shallow and craven the whole affair is. Oshi no Ko is not deep, it's not complex, and it's certainly not challenging. But it IS good enough at superficially appearing to be those things to attract a fan base that wants the ego boost of being seen as liking Mature(tm) stories about Serious Issues(tm) without actually being challenged to leave their comfort zone of pandering wish fulfillment. And the second something actually challenging does show up to demand they face an uncomfortable truth, they reveal just how unwilling both they and the show they love are to grapple with the ugly reality they claim to represent.
Is that harsh? Definitely. Unfair to the vast majority of Oshi no Ko fans who love the show without being gross and weird about it? Probably. But I can't be honest about this show without being honest about how miserably it betrays the very foundations of its stated goal. Ironically enough, Oshi no Ko is its own worst enemy, the greatest embodiment of everything it's trying to speak out against. It's a stupid show pretending to be smart, a cowardly show pretending to be brave, hiding cheap convictions with cheap edge and cringeworthy harem bullshit in hopes it can avert your eyes from the truth. But peel back that plastic layer of corporate sheen and it's every bit as shallow and hypocritical as the industry it claims to criticize. It's as hollow as Hoshino Ai herself, hiding its inner emptiness as best it can and hoping its beautiful lies will make you love it regardless. And if lies are indeed the greatest form of love, then Oshi no Ko must be the greatest lover of all. Me, though? I'll take something honest and uncompromising over an insincere fake like this any day. And I give this first season a score of:
3/10
Yes, this is the worst show I watched to completion this season. No, I'm not sorry about it. If you want to know what actual good shows I kept up with, keep an eye out for my seasonal reflection coming next week!
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tmntkiseki · 2 months
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Diary of an Idiot Trying to Learn to Draw Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Part 1: Escaping the Comfort Zone)
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Before we talk turtles and the early steps of my art journey with them, let's talk about me for a little bit.
Hello, most people know me by my online nickname, Star. I'm a perpetually tired gremlin in her late 20s from New England who still lives with her parents and two brothers. (I'm the middle child!) I love my two dogs to bits, I have a weird fascination with shipwrecks and maritime disasters, and I am a known art enjoyer to point of attempting to draw her own pictures. Sometimes it goes well, other times... ah, we'll get to that.
When I think about my history in terms of drawing, it all starts with anime. My first exposure anime was through a fairly obscure one called Sky Girls; I encountered it through Dance Dance Revolution: Super Nova 2 on the PS2, as the opening to the original OVA was one of the songs available in the game. I ended up watching most of the television series and I was quick to discover that, hey, there's an entire genre of animated television series that originate from Japan; subsequently, I ended up watching several anime that were popular during the late 2000s with Lucky Star, Haruhi Suzumiya, Clannad, and Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni all being shows that I watched during this period. It's difficult to say what entranced me so much about the art style quirks we so heavily associate with anime, but it's definitely had the biggest influences on my art; not just anime itself, but video games with anime art styles as well. If I had to name which pieces of Japanese media have affected me most in terms of art development, it would be Odin Sphere, KyoAni's works (especially Violet Evergarden), and Hidari (the character designer for three of the Atelier games and Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia.)
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"Okay, but what about when you actually began to do your own art?" WELL, I can definitely say throughout elementary school I absolutely LOVED being in art class, but I didn't start seriously practicing until I was around 13; this was when my depression first reared its ugly head, but it was also about when I first got into fandom online. Now, the first fandom I actually made "content" for was Pokemon, but that wasn't drawing; that was fanfiction. The first fandom I actually drew for?
Call of Duty: Zombies. Yeah, I think we all have that one fandom we're embarrassed to mention that we were ever involved in. Regardless of the cringe factor, it was still important for me because that was when I first started interacting with other fanartists online and if I hadn't spent so much time drawing fanart of a bunch of WWII stereotypes while I was in high school, I wouldn't have laid the groundwork for what came afterwards.
In terms of overall skill, I'm definitely way better than I was back when I first started out, but there is still so much I have to learn; I do often look at other artists who are around my age or, hell, are even YOUNGER than me and think to myself "Why am I not that good?" and, ya know, art is an acquired skill that requires a lot of practice and due to my mental illness and lack of confidence/self-worth, there were periods where I would go for MONTHS without drawing anything, so the fact I'm not where I feel like I should be skill-wise is ultimately circumstantial (there are other personal shortcomings that have also been holding me back, but we'll get to those later). I have managed to learn to stop being so hard on myself and not be as perfectionistic, and I find myself drawing more and more for the fun of it and learning new techniques that'll result in better pieces rather than anything else. These are some of the Rune Factory 4 pieces I drew last year (all Arthur/Frey ship art, oops) and at this point I can look at them and think "Yeah, they're not perfect, but I also did a pretty good job."
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All right, this is the part of the post where we finally get to talking about my experiences learning how to draw the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles--specifically, the 2003 versions. It's been about a month since I started studying the show's art and even if I'm not the best artist on the block, I still have a decent amount of experience under my belt that learning how to draw them shouldn't be too hard, right? Right? I mean how hard can it be to draw four humanoid turtles?
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Oh boy, of all the fandoms I've drawn fanart for, TMNT 2003 probably has one of the steepest learning curves that I have EVER experienced.
All right, what are some of the advantages do I have going in? There is my existing experience drawing, but I'd argue the fact that my brain is so hardwired to draw anime is an advantage in some ways. When I first looked at the show's art style (more specifically that of seasons 1 - 5), I was thinking to myself "How the everliving FUCK am I supposed to draw this?!" However, when I actually sat down and studied the model sheets, I was delighted to discover that a lot of the basic fundamentals that I already learned drawing anime bodies can be applied to the turtles; one of the only major adjustments I had to make was exaggerating the muscles of the arms and legs. Not only that, but one of the less human aspects of the turtles IE the plastron is actually incredibly useful as a makeshift guideline for the torsos; it quite literally divides them into chest, abdomen, and pelvis areas and I absolutely love it!
Unfortunately, that's about where my happiness with drawing the turtles ends and where my actual struggles start.
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("Nekomata Mikey" from January 7th, which is probably my best and favorite turtle attempt thus far)
So, I suffer from a little something called "not liking to leave my comfort zone." It's not something that I'm incapable of doing, but getting me to break out of a repetitive routine and try something new or challenging is insanely difficult--no idea if it's a result of my autism spectrum disorder or not, but it definitely explains why I've hesitated to experiment more with my art and try new things... which is important if you want to further develop your style and improve. Oooooooh boy.
Now, I'm not necessarily looking to accurately replicate TMNT 2003's style, but I am hoping to maintain certain aspects when I draw the turtles. Stuff that is definitely contradicting what I'm comfortable with when it comes to drawing; the thick lines you see in a lot of the official art, the fact this show really likes using sharp angles to define physical features, the dark color palette of the first five seasons, the fact those seasons break the rule of "don't shade with black" that I've been taught from the beginning--a lot of stuff that I'm just not used to. It's hard not to become frustrated because half the time you have no idea what you're doing and have no idea whether it's going to look good or not.
Beyond that, there is the matter of the less human aspects of the turtles that are giving me a run for my money. I can somewhat handle the chunky three fingered hands and large two toed feet, but when I get to the heads and shells, that's where I start tearing my hair out. Even with multiple reference screenshots from the show and sassatello's tutorial on the head structure handy, I still find myself fumbling and making heads that are too angular and chunky (especially in the cheek area) or heads that are too round to the point of almost looking babyish. The shells are another matter entirely; it's weird because they are basically a dome-shaped backpack, but something about those things keeps throwing me for the loop no matter what angle or pose I'm drawing a turtle from.
*LOUD SIGH*
For all the struggles and frustrations I have, I'm still very happy to be studying and practicing how to draw the turtles. It's been about a month since I started pouring over the model sheets, taking screencaps from individual episodes to examine and annotate, and just drawing, and I've already learned so much. Not only that, but this whole experience of trying to figure out how to draw the main characters from an (almost) 21 year old cartoon has pushed me to look up... A LOT of tutorials for art skills I've admittedly been neglecting. Basic shapes used in the structure of the body, color theory and shading, all that good stuff. It is also a fact that studying the art of TMNT 2003 is exactly what inspired me to start posting all the model sheets and concept arts I have saved on my laptop. When you have a ton of art resources at your disposal, why not share them? Someone else might need them as much as you do.
I'm hoping to make another post like this in a couple months or so just to see how much I've improved, where I'm still kicking and screaming, and what areas I ought to focus on. Until then, take care and have a good day!
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mishwanders · 2 years
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I’m Alright, My Lord: That Old Time Religion
Pairing: Karl Heisenberg x GN Reader
Genre: SMUT. Minors DNI!
Warnings: There is mention of religious trauma and abuse in this. If any of this will affect you, please for the love of whatever you think is holy, don’t interact or read it. BUT for the adults who still want to read, but don’t want the trauma - I will put TW around the one paragraph that does have it, so you can skip over it if you’d like and enjoy the smut.
It was the day of the destruction of the village. Heisenberg was putting on some finishing touches to his plan, making sure it was all ready to go by the time Ethan Winters made his way into his workshop. Heisenberg leaned back in his seat, taking a long drag of his cigar before placing it on the ashtray. As he did so, he realized how quiet it was in the room outside of the factory noises. It was a little too quiet for his comfort.
‘Where could they have run off to?’
Heisenberg got up out of his seat to go check the cameras. He realized that Y/N was no where to be found throughout the entire building.
‘Shit.’ He thought, ‘Where the fuck could they have run off to this time?!’
Heisenberg picked up his hammer, and made his way out the door and to the destroyed village. He looked at all of Y/N’s usual hiding spots, only to find empty rooms or dead Lycans. He was really starting to get worried about where they’d might have gone. He was afraid that Miranda may have gotten her hands on them or even worse, Ethan. He gripped onto the handle of his hammer tightly at that thought.
But there was one more place he hadn’t checked yet. He didn’t know Y/N to be the religious type, but there was still a chance they were hiding up in that small church by the graveyard. He made his way over to it, stoping as he saw Y/N through the window, sitting in one of the back pews. He let out a sigh of relief knowing they were alright, and walked in through the door.
Y/N never turned their head at the sound of the door nor did they greet the man as he came in. They continued to stare forward and the iconographies of mother Miranda and each of the lords. Heisenberg noticed that they were gripping onto the empty alcohol bottle from the night before. He laid his hammer next to the pew and took his seat next to them, splaying his arms across the back of the pew and leaning back while he crossed one leg over his knee. He turned his head to look at Y/N who looked lost in thought.
“You alright, buttercup?” He asked
“Just taking in the place before it’s destroyed.” Y/N replied, “I never visited this place, but I can see why the villagers would. it’s warm and gives a false sense of comfort.”
Heisenberg continued to watch them, seeing the scowl appear on their face and their grip tighten on the bottle.
“Anything else you want to talk about?”
Y/N let out a loud sigh, and looked at him. “We’ve hardly ever discussed my life prior to you finding me. That’s really because I’ve been wanting to keep it secret.”
TW Heisenberg for once stayed quiet as Y/N began to tell him a small part of their story. Y/N told him how they had grown up in a very religious family, how it was the glue that held them together. Y/N told him of the abuse the faced, both from church people, from their own family, and how they were never believed. They slowly learned that silence and the image of the family was more important than the people within it. They told him about how unsafe they felt in the building itself, the assault the endured, the death of friends and not being allowed to grieve them as preachers stood from a pulpit give them empty promises from a god who continued to ignore every prayer Y/N made. They told him about how they felt completely and utterly abandoned through it all. TW
Heisenberg understood how Y/N felt. Having his life taken from him, in forced service to a woman who considered herself a mother in a family that he didn’t want to be a part of. How the people of the village looked up to the woman as a prophet for a creature that was just mold. He out of anyone else in the village could understand how Y/N felt. He watched them silently as the anger was bubbling over as they spoke. When Y/N had finished, they got up from the pew and walked towards the iconography at the front of the little church.
“A lot of people see these buildings and feel at peace or have some fond memory of it. But when I see them all I have are broken memories of the harm they’ve caused. It’s places like this that allows the dissonance to settle in, allowing people to get too comfortable, as the evil sneaks in and it eats away at everyone. Hell, that’s what’s happened here, right?”
Y/N took the empty bottle in their hand and smashed it over the wooded table, taking the part that was still intact in their hand and dragging it across the image of Mother Miranda, ripping it to shreds.
Heisenberg was taken aback by their action. He’d never seen them have an outburst like this before, and honestly, he liked seeing this side of them. The man stood up from the pew and walked up to Y/N, putting his hand on their shoulder. Y/N didn’t say anything to him. They just continued to stare at the destroyed image of Miranda as a smirk slowly crept over their face at the idea beginning to form in their mind.
Y/N turned around and faced the man, leaning on the wooden table behind them. “Say, why don’t we have some fun?”
Heisenberg gave them a grin and leaned forward, “What do you have in mind?”
Y/N pulled him close to them by the leather strap across his chest, trailing the other one along the side of his arm. “Blasphemy and some desecration before this place gets destroyed. What do you say?”
Heisenberg pulled Y/N into a kiss and put his forehead to theirs. “sounds like fun to me, kitten.”
Heisenberg used his power to lift the metal trays and frames of his siblings off of the table, causing them to fly across the room and crash into the walls. The noise made Y/N jump, but they had a look of excitement on their face. Y/N then proceeded to sit back on the table with their legs spread, surrounded by dead flowers and candles. Heisenberg thought the looked exquisite. It was as if they were an offering only for him. To devour and for his own pleasure.
“Forgive me lord, I’m a dirty sinner.” Y/N said sarcastically.
Heisenberg chuckled as he moved in closer to them, settling himself between their legs. “I’m of mind about it, but why don’t you go ahead and tell me.”
He came even closer to them, laying a light kiss on their cheek and whispered in their ear, “on second thought, why don’t you just show me.”
His hands snaked their way up to the front of Y/N’s shirt, ripping it open and causing the buttons popped off, bouncing onto the floor and leaving Y/N’s chest bare to him. Y/N watched the man as his eyes grew with lust for them. One of his gloves hands made their way up towards the back of Y/N’s head, gripping onto their hair, tugging it to the side, while the other one was at their chest playing with their nipple. Y/N wrapped their legs around him, keeping him close to them and slowly grinding on his clothed cock. Y/N let out a slight moan as the man began to attack their throat with wet kisses and feeling the roughness of his beard tickling their skin.
He let go of Y/N’s hair and moved his way down to their chest, nipping at their skin and leaving a trail of marks behind. He ran his tongue over Y/N’s nipple which received him a squeeze from their legs which were still wrapped around him.
Heisenberg smiled against Y/N’s skin, “how badly do you want it?”
“So much.”
Heisenberg lifted his head and pulled off his glasses, staring straight into Y/N’s soul with his green eyes, “What would you do for it?”
Y/N leaned forward and whispered against his lips, “Anything.”
Heisenberg crashed his lips into Y/N’s while quickly undoing the rest of each other clothes. He pulled Y/N off of the table, turning them around so the table was to his back and setting them down on their knees in front of him. Seeing them kneel before him like a sinner asking for forgiveness was one of his favorite views. He pulled his cock out and grabbed Y/N by the hair, pulling their face to it.
“Then do what you do best and please me.”
“Yes my lord.” Y/N said looking up at him.
Y/N took his cock in one hand and let the other one slide up between his legs, fondling him as they brought him into their mouth. Y/N licked and sucked on him, twirling their tongue around the head of his cock as he kept his hand on entangled in their hair, bobbing their head on his cock.
Heisenberg placed his hand on the table behind him and leaned his head back, letting out a low moan at the sensation of them playing with him and being wrapped around him like this. He looked back down at Y/N, enjoying the view of them before him like this. Like his own personal worshiper at his feet that no one else would get to claim but him.
He was starting to get closer to his limit watching them, so he pulled them off of him, causing Y/N to stare at him with saddened eyes. He held out his hand to them and helped them up.
“Did that not please you my lord?” Y/N asked as they brought their hands up to his chest.
“No, it pleased me very much. But I have another idea in mind that I think both of us would enjoy.”
He traded places with Y/N, turning them around so their chest was to the table, eyes facing the defaced icon of Mother Miranda. He moved their pants down to their ankles, giving their ass a hearty slap, which caused Y/N to wince and yelp at the sudden pain.
Heisenberg leaned over, placing a kiss on their shoulder blade and entered into them. Y/N let out a moan as the man started to slide in and out of them, still adjusting to the size of him, but ultimately feeling good. Heisenberg eyed the candle over to the right of Y/N and smiled at the idea that crossed his mind. He said his body over top of Y/N’s, and started peppering their back in hickies, causing Y/N to moan louder with each bite and thrust. He then grabbed the candle and held it over the marks, letting it drip onto Y/N’s skin.
“Ah Fuck!” Y/N moaned out as the first drop hit them, burning the already abused spot.
“Mm, that’s right, let it burn.” He said, moving the candle over the other marks and allow the wax to drip down on them.
Y/N gripped at the end of the table, holding on tight. The feeling of him using the hot wax across their already abused skin with the combination of him fucking them, it caused their stomach to tighten at the heat building inside them.
“My lord - ah - please.” Was all Y/N could muster out.
Heisenberg put down the candle, giving Y/N’s ass another hearty slap. “That’s right, be good for me and cum on my cock.”
That was all Y/N needed to hear to break them. They started moaning loudly as their legs and the table shook violently with each thrust. Y/N leaned back towards him, which allowed him to wrap his arms around their torso, grabbing their neck in one hand, while hold their waist down to him with the other. Y/N’s arms moved to his, grasping his forearms. Heisenberg moved Y/N’s neck to the side and bit down hard into their muscle, causing Y/N to scream his name in pain. He did love the sound of it coming out of their mouth like that. It made him get closer to his edge, feeling the pull of needing to let go.
“Please my - ah.” Y/N begged through his hold on them.
“What is it that you want from me?”
“Please cum - ah fuck- inside me.” They begged
Heisenberg chuckled at that, then got close to their ear and growled, “You’re such a saint.”
He started thrusting into them as hard as he could and finally felt a release as his hips stuttered, filling Y/N up with his cum. He released Y/N from his tight grip as Y/N gasped for air.
He leaned his head up against their back and kissed their wounded shoulder, “apologies kitten, I didn’t mean to do that to you.”
“I’m alright, my lord.” Y/N said through each breath. Y/N turned around towards him and he placed a kiss on their lips before proceeding to pull his pants up. Y/N was attempting to get dressed again, but Heisenberg stopped them. Y/N looked at the man in confusion before he pushed them back, forcing them to sit on the wooden table again.
“You’re not going to deny me of my offering, now are you kitten?” He asked, leaning in close to them.
Y/N blushed.
“N-no.” They stammered.
Heisenberg eyes shown with a glint of the candle behind Y/N as he smiled.
“Good.”
The man forced his hammer to come sliding across the room, detaching the handle from the hammer and placing it between Y/N’s ankles. Two chain pieces latched onto it from around the sides, trapping Y/N with their legs spread open. He pushed them back even farther, forcing their back against the broken image of Mother Miranda.
He kneeled before Y/N and placed their legs with the handle behind him, pulling their hips close to his face. Y/N could feel his warm breath on their skin, the tickle of his beard as he kissed their inner thighs.
Y/n gasped as his lips and tongue touched their already overly sensitive area. Heisenberg worked his way around them, licking and sucking on the spots he knew were Y/N’s favorites, making obscene noises and devouring them as if they were the last supper.
The man knew what he was doing, and Y/N was already close to the edge again, moaning out his name as they knocked his hat off and grabbed onto his hair. Y/N opened their eyes and caught him looking up at them, admiring the view he was getting to see from his perspective. His pretty eyes glimmering in the candlelight. Y/N’s head fell back, as they arched their back and the gripped his hair hard as they felt their release, cumming into his mouth. He hummed into it as he felt their release, eating up everything they gave him.
He released the handle from in between Y/N’s legs, letting it fall to the ground with a loud thud. Y/N was panting hard as they sat on the table, unable to move. Heisenberg stood back up, pulling them in close to him.
“How did you like that?” He whispered
“Realized a kink I didn’t know I had.” They said.
The two of them laughed at that. Y/N cupped Heisenberg face in their hands, and stared at him in his eyes. “You know what I really want to do now though?”
“What’s that?”
“Set the place on fire. For good measure.”
Y/N got dressed as Heisenberg grabbed two of the candles, handing on to Y/N and keeping the other to himself. The two of them then went around lighting the broken icons, the dead plants, and the items hanging form the ceiling on fire, before walking out of the building together.
——————
Somewhere else on a different side of the village, the hound wolf squad sat there in silence. Having heard every single thing that happened in the church through the speaker on the laptop.
Canine was the first to break the silence with, “Well didn’t know I was into that.” Which received him a slap across the head from his compatriots and a serious eye roll from the captain.
‘This is going to be a long day.’ Redfield thought.
Another one of the members spoke up, “looks like Y/N is into some of that old time religion.”
Everyone stared at him in silence.
“OH COME ON! THAT WAS A GOOD ONE!”
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lurkingshan · 6 months
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Shan! One of the things that I’ve loved learning during my Old GMMTV Challenge project is discovering filmmakers and watching through their project lists. Do you follow specific directors or screenwriters for Asian dramas? If so, who are they, and why? And which dramas of their do you recommend?
A fun one, and an area where I know we actually differ in our approach. In short, my answer to your first question is yes, but also no. :)
By which I mean, I generally do pay attention to who creates the shows I watch, because when I am impressed or infuriated by a drama I like to know who is behind it so I can look into their other work, either to pursue or avoid it. Sometimes I have to go looking for that information, but there are some creators who have such an obvious style that it sets them apart and makes it near impossible to miss the connections between their shows (Kim Eun Sook in kdrama, Aof Noppharnach and Jojo Tichakorn in tbl, Hwang Da Seul in kbl, Lin Pei Yu in twbl, etc). With those I might start something unknowingly and then be like wait a minute is this X’s work? I do maintain awareness and keep creators’ other works in mind when I watch something new because it's fun to look for themes across a body of work, and frankly, to know where the pitfalls are likely to come in.
That said, I do not feel any need to be a completist about any one auteur's resume, I don’t intentionally sit down to watch a creator's work in an organized way, and I actually prefer not to know that much about their personal lives, because I like to focus on the fictional stories without too much real world gunk getting in the way and clouding my reads. I am a "let the art speak for itself" girlie; I'm less interested in authorial intent than in allowing stories breathing room to be interpreted by the audience. I do believe in the Death of the Author school of thought and I don't think it's great when creators try to do too much to control how their work is perceived. One of my current beefs with the Only Friends watch experience is that there is so much real world gunk (branded pairs, shipping and actor stanning, creators posting on social media with context that is not included in the actual canon) getting in the way and messing with interpretations of the show.
Once you get into a fandom at all you will inevitably be exposed to a ton of this kind of thing whether you like it or not. And it comes up a lot in bl because so many shows are adapted from pre-existing source material and rely on known actor pairs, which inevitably affects discourse because people come to these shows with a lot of baggage even before they begin. But I am always interested in story first. I dove into I Feel You Linger in the Air and Absolute Zero with zero hesitation because timey wimey soulmate shit is my jam, not because these shows were made by Tee Bundit and New Siwaj (in fact that would be more of a deterrent than anything if I let it dictate my viewing choices).
So while I am interested in the undercurrent of melancholy across Aof's works, and Jojo's devotion to messy ensemble pieces where everyone is a little bit of an asshole, and Kim Eun Sook's uncanny ability to tap into the zeitgeist and create banger after banger across a range of genres, I don't need to know too much about why their areas of focus are important to them or how it relates to their personal experiences. I prefer not to use fiction as a means to psychoanalyze the real people who create it; instead I just try to engage with and appreciate their art as art and afford them respect as creative geniuses without making assumptions about how each work is meant to reflect their real experiences. Understanding some basic demographics about creators (as in, do they have the appropriate lived experiences to be telling the stories they choose) is about as far as my curiosity goes.
Question 1 TL;DR: I do like to pay attention to who creates the shows I watch so that I can follow the themes in their work, but I am not interested in following the creators themselves closely.
Question 2: who are the creators I recommend following? I have mentioned a lot of them above, and my overall recommendation is that if you are invested in a show, you should look to see who writes and directs it, not just who stars in it. Actors are of course important but usually it's the creative team behind them that really makes or breaks a drama, because they are the ones ultimately in control of the story. Having that grounding can be really helpful for setting expectations and in interpreting and processing what you watch, and also just for helping you find more of the kind of thing you will probably like. I’m extremely glad, for instance, that I watched Gay OK Bangkok before Only Friends, because it gave me a framework for understanding the themes they were likely to dig into. I also just finished watching Rainless Love in a Godless Land, which I was interested in due in large part to it sharing the same screenwriter as my all time favorite Taiwanese drama, Someday or One Day, and being able to pull out the similar themes and ideas across the two projects made it all the more interesting for me.
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jwonsociety · 1 year
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lovestruck // chapter 2
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pairing ➼ brother's best friend!niki x fem!reader
genre ➼ strangers to friends to lovers, fluff, kind of crack because y/n's internal narration is very silly, sunoo is y/n's older brother
word count ➼ 0.7k
warnings ➼ profanity, y/n is an idiot
synopsis ➼ As the younger sister of the smart and popular Kim Sunoo, you’ve gotten used to living life as a background character. You mostly keep to yourself, you don't go to parties, and you most certainly do not have a boyfriend. One day, Sunoo brings home one of his friends and encourages you two to get to know each other… the fact that said friend is extremely cute definitely won’t be an issue, right?
taglist!! ➼ @kaal-ee @naexity @sd211 @yenqa
a/n ➼ here's chapter 2!! this one is a short one but I promise chapter 3 will come quickly~ hope u guys enjoy!!
˚₊· ➳❥
After Niki went home later that night, you made it your personal mission to learn every possible thing about him. From your brief encounter with him in the kitchen earlier (which you may or may not have replayed in your head on an endless loop for the rest of the night), you were able to discern three things: First, he has two sisters, ages unknown. You immediately decided that this was a green flag -- he was probably able to get along with women well. Seeing as you were, in fact, a woman, it all aligned perfectly. Second, dancing was his ultimate passion in life. Seriously, thirteen years of his life devoted to one thing? That’s pretty fucking passionate. You liked passion, and dancers (apparently). Third and finally, he was super cute. Okay, to be fair, that’s something you could gauge just by looking at him for more than half a second, but it was still an important aspect to you.
You had also spent a considerable amount of time that night staring at your ceiling trying to convince yourself that you did not have a crush on your brother’s friend, you just really appreciated his talent. And his face. You know, the minutiae of it didn’t really matter.
You grabbed your phone from your nightstand and unlocked it. You opened Instagram, figuring that you would probably be able to find him on there. Once you type his name into the search bar, his account popped up immediately -- @nishimura.niki. Simple. Effective. You approved.
You clicked on his profile. Unsurprisingly, you were greeted with a plethora of dancing videos, most of them taken in the same black dance studio. That must be his family’s studio, you thought to yourself. You clicked on the most recent post.
In this video, Niki was wearing a plain white tee and classic gray sweatpants. You turned up the volume of your phone and you instantly recognized the opening notes of “MOVE” by Taemin. When he began to dance, you were done for.
It was like the music breathed life into Niki’s body. Every movement he made was crisp and confident, as if he were not a dancer, but merely an extension of the song itself. You could now understand why people described dance as an art form. Niki was a breathing Renaissance painting. The choreography was slow and sultry, and every motion was like a brush striking a canvas. You could tell that this was what the boy was born to do.
You were so absorbed by Niki’s technique that you hadn’t realized you had let the video loop multiple times. You scrolled down, determined to watch more of his dancing. You discovered that Niki’s abilities were very versatile; he had covered everything from BTS to Big Bang to Twice (the latter of which you found very entertaining). You had managed to scroll all the way to a video posted in 2019 when your finger slipped and you liked it by accident.
“Oh God. No no no no no no,” you hissed, scrambling to unlike it. You threw your phone onto the bed beside you and stared at it wide-eyed. 
“Maybe he didn’t see it,” you whispered aloud to yourself. “Maybe he’s asleep.”
What kind of high schooler is asleep at eight-thirty? You had to be honest with yourself. The damage was done and you knew that. But still, under the guise of your own delusion, you repeated the thought over and again, as if it would somehow make it true. Maybe he was asleep. Maybe he was asleep. Maybe he--
Bzz.
Tentatively, you reached over and picked up your phone. It was probably just another IOS update notification. Those were the majority of notifications that you got, anyways. You typed in your password and silently prayed.
[Instagram] @nishimura.niki wants to message you.
Fuck.
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By the time you typed and sent that last message, your heart was pounding. Niki was fully aware of the fact that you were creepily stalking him only a few hours after meeting each other. God, you were so embarrassed. An anxious knot formed in your gut, yet… Niki didn’t seem put off by what you did. In fact, he seemed happy. You couldn’t help but smile into the darkness of your room as you were going to sleep.
You hadn’t figured Niki out yet, but you were excited to try.
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kyufessions · 2 years
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What Does He Have That I Don’t?
synopsis: you’re in love with someone that isn’t him
pairings: best friend! wonwoo x oblivious! g.n. reader
word count: 1.5k
genre: unrequited love
a/n: inspired by what does he have that i don’t by zeph- idk why but the sound reminded me of wonwoo. so ,, enjoy ~
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it was the third night in a row where you sat crying in your best friend’s arms, your tears staining his loose fitted baby blue tee. the metal of his silver chain brought a cold comfort to your cheek along with the shapes he made on the middle of your back. he listened intently with occasional nods as you told him about another argument full of hurtful words he knew you didn’t deserve to hear, nor were true. anger boiled inside of him at each word leaving your mouth, but he pushed his emotions aside because yours were more important to him than his own.
as seconds turn to minutes and minutes turn into an hour and a half, your sobs come to a gradual stop and your breathing regulates itself. when your glossed eyes met his soft ones, you thanked him with a soft tone full of gratefulness. he just reassured that it’s what friends do, and he would be here for you always. as the word ‘friends’ left his lips, he felt a small corner piece of his heart break and fall to the pit of his stomach.
wonwoo had realized his feelings for you months ago, just before you started seeing this new guy you met from one of your classes. he would watch from afar at times, noticing the different smile you’d give him that he wished you would send his way instead. and sometimes a small glimmer would shine brightly in your eyes when you spoke about him, and he secretly wished you had that same sparkle when you spoke to or about him. the way this new guy in your life messed up the makeup you spent hours on with his screaming matches saddened your best friend, wishing he’d give you compliments instead of causing it to be washed away by salty tears. all wonwoo wanted to do was to learn to do makeup just to do yours, and have you do his. all just to see your pure reaction, all just to spend more time together than you already did.
“you can stay the night, it’s kind of late and you seem tired from, you know.” wonwoo said, pressing a chaste kiss to the top of your head.
you nodded, smiling up at him and pulling away to wipe your drying tears on the back of your sweater sleeve. he couldn’t help but feel his heart thump at the sight of your sweater paws, knowing you always made them absentmindedly for your own comfort. he watched as you made your way to his spare bedroom, hearing the door close behind you and a drawer open. you had spent so many nights at wonwoo’s that his spare bedroom was practically yours, the drawers filled with your spare clothing and even some of his own old clothing he never wore anymore. a sigh escaped his lips as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, running his hand through his hair and standing to his feet slowly.
he shuffled his feet to the front of the bedroom door, knocking twice before speaking up. “i’m gonna order some takeout, pizza or chinese tonight?”
“order from that pizza place with the really good cheesecake so we can have some, i’m kind of craving some tonight.” you answered as you made movement throughout the room, signaling you were dressing yourself.
he hummed in agreement, saying an ’okay' with a small smile on his face that you couldn’t witness. he quickly ordered the food on his phone, knowing your order by heart and adding extra cheesecake slices to the cart. minutes later, you exited the room in sweatpants and a baggy tee, the shirt an old one of wonwoo's from when he was younger. the sight made him let out a chuckle, walking over to you and ruffling up your hair.
“you look like a mini me.” he teases, a playful smile tugging at his lips.
you rolled your eyes, your newly bare face being nothing short of beauty for the man in front of you. but you had no clue- you were so obvious to the fact. even if this were a cartoon and his eyes were replaced with pink beating hearts, you would convince yourself there was just a glitch.
you have him a tiny, gentle slap to his arm and ran towards the couch, plopping down and propping your feet up on the coffee table. grabbing the television remote, you turned on netflix and searched through the movies on his watchlist to pick a movie you both hadn’t seen yet. whenever you came to him crying, this is what would normally happen. you’d cry in his arms, spend the night on most occasions, have dinner together and watch a movie or start a TV show together. it was some sort of new ritual you both developed within the past three months, and although it would start off depressing and full of anger from wonwoo’s end, it would always end with him becoming a blushing mess as you snore soundly on his shoulder.
forty minutes later, you both were downing the food and watching a taiwanese horror themed show on netflix that just came out. you always jumped in your seat or hid your face into your best friend's shoulder, causing laughter to erupt from him. he found it adorable, how you always chose horror themed films or movies yet always complained about nightmares the next morning. but he could never find it in him to tell you to change it, because as selfish as it sounded, having you jump into his arms scared made his heart skip multiple beats and made him happier than ever.
it was the little moments like that that made him fall for you; the small things things you’d do. the way you’d fiddle with your fingers when you were nervous, or the way you would stick your tongue out ever so slightly when in hard concentration. or how your eyes crinkled when you laughed. but most importantly: how you understood him like no other.
with being introverted and coming across intimidating, making friends or even acquaintances was never easy for him throughout his years. but when you approached him to be study buddies your freshman year of college, he agreed because studying with someone else who was struggling as well in your class seemed better than having to make an appointment at the lecture hall with some random. he thought after the semester finished that you would ignore him, but you didn’t. you waved at him in the halls and sat next to him at lunch as well. to this day, he believed you were an angel sent his way for some reason. he wasn’t sure what he did in his past life to deserve someone as lovely as you in his life, but he wasn’t complaining in the slightest. if anything he couldn’t be more grateful.
that’s why hearing you speak about some man who doesn’t deserve you hurts him. it’s not just because he’s slightly jealous, but he just genuinely didn’t deserve any ounce of love you provided him. sure, he was handsome and even wonwoo could admit that much. but the way he didn’t treat you more than a piece of arm candy was irritating and not okay with him in the slightest. but you always saw right past it, way too oblivious to the usage. but he never dared say anything about it because he knew you’d get defensive and hurt. so, for now at least, he kept his observations to himself. for now, at least.
the clock neared one in the morning, and you had fallen asleep with your head in his lap. he played with a few strands of your hair as he attempted to stay awake for the last few minutes of the episode, his eyes opening and closing every few minutes from how tired he was. as the episode finished, he shut off the television and carried you to the spare bed down the hall. he tucked you in like always, making sure the blanket covered you fully so you wouldn’t wake up cold in the middle of the night. noticing the empty nightstand, he ran quietly to his fridge and put a full water bottle next to the lamp in case you got thirsty in the middle of the night. he sat beside you for a moment, watching you for a few seconds as the pale moonlight illuminated your features.
“what does he have that i don’t?” he mumbled quietly to himself, almost inaudible to anyone but himself. he placed a soft kiss on your forehead before walking off and leaving the door ajar, shuffling into his own room and cuddling into the mattress under his sheets.
loving you hurt. it hurt him so good. but if he could do it all over again in every universe, in every life he were to ever live, he’d do it all over again. if it meant you would be by his side.
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briefcasejuice · 3 months
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i think, and im gonna get real film major on you for a second, that european cinematography is peak film, as boring as it is. listen to me ok film at its core is simply an emotional and technological expansion upon photography; like historically the invention of film began with the invention of the camera for photography and therefore film as an art is entirely dependent on the camera and what one does with it aka cinematography. i think the most basic kind of cinematography is the kind in which the camera is moving because you learn how to use a camera before you learn how to use a tripod and some of the most dynamic kinds of cinematography build off this basic rule of the moving camera to points where people forget the importance of the other parts of a film — dialogue, acting, and other core aspects of a story and plot in general — that need to be built off of, around or with cinematography in order to make that movement of the camera worthwhile in the end. imo european cinematography takes these ideas and throws it into other core aspects of what 'european cinema' is to create some of the most dynamic and loaded scenes one can create. it doesn't help that film in and of itself isn't original at all because first we had theatre and in theatre, you sat in one place and watched as an entire story played out on a static stage. off the top of my head some of the best examples of this are the color of pomegranates (1969), red desert (1964) and a lot of igmar bergman films (excuse me for how shallow these examples are but. whatever L you're a nerd). when you react to the script and dialogue etc you realise how many aspects of theatre & literature are taken inspiration from to create the emotional aspects of it like symbolism and metaphors to the point where it starts sounding like poetry. when you pair that with scenes loaded with mise en scene that are almost entirely intentional and just as loaded with symbolism and metaphors paired with lingering and still cinematography that forces you into an almost meditative state in which you are made to ponder and analyse the film itself, the otherwise 'boring' cinematography starts to make sense. i also want to add that some of the best experimental films ive ever watched take this exact technique to depict their experimental content, and a large aspect of the experimental genre explores the topic of filmmaking (or creating art generally) itself, almost alluding to the ideas of the very basics of filmmaking with a camera and a tripod, paying respect to theatre as a kind of film forefather as well as not only forcing you to pay attention to the actual content of the film by not taking away from it with camera movements but also forcing you to analyse the happenings of the film through a meditative attitude
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best-underrated-anime · 5 months
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Best Underrated Anime Group C Round 1: #C3 vs #C6
#C3: Old man turns into robot superhero
An old man is diagnosed with cancer with 3 months to live. He sits in a park depressed until an alien spaceship passing through collides with him and a nearby teenager. The aliens frantically rebuild the old man and teenager as cyborgs before leaving. The old man uses his newfound cyborg powers for good, while the teenager uses them for evil.
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#C6: Sports anime for people who prefer bildungsromans* to sports
Two childhood friends who play competitive after school ping pong find their friendship and dedication to the sport tested when their sense of their relative skill in the game is challenged. A character focused-exploration of why we pursue sports, and what we have to commit to succeed.
*a literary genre that focuses on the psychological and moral growth of the protagonist from childhood to adulthood, in which character change is important.
Titles, propagandas, trailers, and poll under the cut!
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#C3: Inuyashiki: Last Hero
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Propaganda:
This show is nowadays remembered for referencing One Piece and its obvious CGI, but it’s so much more than that. Inuyashiki is a beautiful, dark, dramatic exploration of humanity, showcasing the brightest good that humans are capable of and the most horrific evil. It seriously explores both extremes, and it forces the audience to solemnly watch every step of the way.
It also has an AMAZINGLY badass OP and a beautifully sad ED, perfectly encapsulating the duality of the show itself.
Trigger Warnings: Animal Cruelty/Death, Flashing Lights, Graphic Depictions of Cruelty/Violence/Gore, Rape/Non-Con, Suicide
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#C6: Ping Pong the Animation
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Propaganda:
An experimental director (Masaaki Yuasa) adapting a work from a very stylized and emotionally-focused shonen mangaka (Taiyo Matsumoto). This is an anime that feels more like watching an indie arthouse movie than a shonen anime. Featuring characters and arcs that subvert standard anime tropes, it gives an incisive picture into youths on the verge of growing up and learning responsibility. If you want to watch a short anime (one 11-episode season!) which will include cool sports action (and that’s coming from someone who is not generally into sports animes) the matches given weight by the primary use of them in narrative being as checkpoint in the characters’ growths.
I tend to prefer shojo over shonen for being more introspective, with the emotional arcs developed slower and more subtly, but for me this shonen hits a sweet middle ground of having that more internal feel, while getting to do the shonen things of having cooler, action-focused animation and character relationships which are about friendship rather than romance, and character arcs that are about trying to strive hard to achieve a dream. The show is quite well critically regarded, but a lot of anime fans get turned off by the unusual art style, and there isn’t really a fandom for it, so I think it counts as underrated anyways! Anyways, I think it delivers a really impactful and complete story-arc in a short time, and it leaves you feeling like you’ve grown alongside the characters, no matter how old you are (no seriously, my 50-year-old mother walked away saying she didn’t know anime was such a profound genre when I made her watch this).
Trigger Warnings: None.
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If you’re reblogging and adding your own propaganda, please tag me @best-underrated-anime so that I’ll be sure to see it.
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ghostdrinkssoup · 2 years
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okay so I watched ouef (s1 ep4) last night and I only vaguely remembered it as the episode with the lost boys and the creepy family dinner, but now that I’ve rewatched it I’m losing my mind over how much it actually sets up/foreshadows mizumono, especially thematically. considering this, it’s surprising how little this episode is talked about so I’ve decided I’m gonna unpack it myself because I honestly see it as mizumono’s necessary counterpart. it’s first half, if you will
so let’s talk about oeuf
I think part of the reason why a lot of early s1 isn’t discussed as widely as the rest of the show (especially late s2 and s3 in general) is because of the prescriptive use of genre conventions that underpin the “monster of the week” format that, upon first glance, makes s1a seem a little less interesting. it strongly follows the rules and expectations of the standard crime procedural that we’ve come to expect from a show like this: first there’s a murder, then our cast of characters go to investigate, slowly unravelling the mystery while learning some lesson along the way, until finally they catch the bad guys and the episode ends with justice prevailing, resolving the initial injustice of the crime. overall we’re left feeling satisfied, but it’s nothing to write home about
nonetheless, it is very important that nbc hannibal follows this formula in s1 because it allows it to meet audience expectations while also setting up the building blocks for its later acts, which, as we know, (mostly) abandons this scaffolding entirely. you can’t break the rules unless you know the rules, and s1 proves this by luring us in through its promise of convention. you could argue that, in its own way, s1 is the show’s own person suit
that’s not to say the “monster of the week” formula completely hides the show’s gothic side. beyond the show’s visual aesthetics (dark colours, artistic murders, etc) and the almost supernatural quality of will’s empathy, each episode/murder so far has had an underlying “fairytale-like” quality to it that’s achieved through the use of specific allusions/familiar images. first it’s will describing abigail as willy wonka’s golden ticket, then it’s the mushroom garden, then sleeping beauty wakes from her coma, and now we have peter pan and the lost boys. considering how the rest of the show plays out, especially s3 where hannibal literally describes the italy trip and his perception of life as a fairytale, this seems intentional to me. I mean, he and will literally adhere to the beauty and the beast archetype, with both fitting either role depending on what aspect of their relationship you’re looking at
that’s all to say, it’s notable that mizumono acts as the literal gateway between the familiar world of s1 and 2 and the phantasmagoric beauty of s3, stripping both its main characters and the show itself of their person suits, which isn’t as jarring as it should be due to the particular way s1 is structured
which takes us back to what I really want to talk about: ouef
the episode opens in baltimore, where will tells hannibal this:
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as will speaks, we see his house, lit up and observed at a distance in the middle of nowhere, caught in the vast, misty darkness he describes. linking the house with the boat is important, since this dual image develops throughout the rest of the episode. thematically, ouef is about family, as is represented through the monster of the week: the woman kidnapping the lost boys and manipulating them into killing their families. but as we said before, this scaffolding is designed to set up character specific concepts and themes that’ll be relevant later. for now, will’s home is only a safe space for him at an observable distance — only “safe” because it looks like a boat at sea, which is a positive association for him
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houses traditionally represent the self. it’s an image commonly linked to identity, both on a literary level and oftentimes when interpreting dreams. and of course, when talking about the house we naturally think of family. will can only appreciate the intimacy of both himself and his personal connections from an observable distance. he does not feel safe doing otherwise. it’s why his house is located so far away from the rest of society: he’s in hiding
from here, hannibal is quick to change the subject, stating that will “stood in the breathing silence of garret jacob hobbs’ home”, or, metaphorically speaking, hobbs’ identity. in episode one, will saw the truth of hobbs more so than he’s ever seen (or embraced) the truth of himself. he was not at a distance. he was not safe
then hannibal asks, “did they speak to you?”
and will responds, “with noise and clarity”
he then follows this by saying he “tried so hard to know garret jacob hobbs. to see him” beyond the police tape and dead girls and photographs, all of which he considers superficial details. this particular phrasing is significant, since it directly parallels what hannibal later tells will in mizumono after he learns of his betrayal: “I let you know me. see me.” this scene lays out the dominoes for this chain reaction, all of which results in s2’s climactic moment, by showing hannibal’s desire to be seen, even if he doesn’t fully realise it yet, and will’s desire to connect with others like himself, if they even exist. as I’ve said before, will does not think monstrosity and humanity are separate concepts
so, by wanting to see beyond hobbs’ person suit, which in of itself is a metaphor for conformity, expectations, and the false self, will set aside his own denial and discovered something very ugly about himself. he murdered hobbs in his own home and, for the briefest moment, caught a glimpse of the truth of himself. “see?” haunts will for this reason. it’s something he carries for the rest of his arc
it’s important that this all happened in the kitchen, but I’ll get to that later
but returning to the scene. hannibal asks will how he felt seeing marissa, the girl hannibal killed last episode. there’s an unspoken question here: did you try hard to get to know me too? did you know me? see me? would I ever allow you to do so? under the copycat guise, and the person suit, is knowing me even possible? as we learn in mizumono, the answer is yes
will says he feels guilty and I don’t think he’s lying here the same way he lied when he told abigail murder is the ugliest thing in the world last episode. there’s a difference between feeling guilt and feeling remorse. he thinks he caused marissa’s death, and he feels guilty because he knows he isn’t feeling (or reacting) the way he should be. killing hobbs felt good, remember? he saw hobbs, and in turn himself, with “noise and clarity” and had a moment of chilling self awareness he can’t shake. this is what he feels guilty about. it’s not about “not saving her” it’s about the threat of his self-destructive nature burning everything around him, which is what he fears. he feels monstrous inside, due to his own sense of vindication and inclination towards righteous violence
for the rest of this scene, I’m going to pick apart the dialogue in a kind of skeleton structure so we can take what information we need from what they say. their conversation goes as follows:
“sometimes I felt like we were doing the same things at different times of day. like I was eating or showering or sleeping at the same time he was.”
→ will feels like he’s doing the same things hobbs was (showering/sleeping/eating) even after he was dead because he’s now sensing hannibal, the copycat. or rather, his own copycat/foil. they’re already connected and they already feel the same (he feels like he killed marissa even though hannibal killed marissa)
“even after he was dead?” / “even after he was dead.”
→ so it’s hannibal he’s connecting to now, even subconsciously
“like you were becoming him?”
→ the introduction of the “becoming” motif which, as we all know, is a central theme and another reference to their foil dynamic (hannibal has already said he and will are the same). note hannibal’s tone when he says this: he’s speaking quicker, unable to stop questioning. there’s another conversation happening just below the surface of this one. he’s curious about will and his ability to connect, which was established earlier in episode 2
“I know who I am. I’m not garret jacob hobbs”
→ links back to the first episode where will, out of his own free will, chooses to shoot hobbs. remember that in the opening scene of that same episode he himself tells his students that, according to his own worldview, by understanding the murder, we understand the man. this isn’t a matter of confusing his identity with that of a killer: will knows exactly who he is, and that’s what scares him. he’d rather stay in denial
it’s also noteworthy that will’s refusal to be seen as hobbs, or a copycat of him, mirrors hannibal’s refusal to be associated with him too, as we saw in episode three when he tells abigail “I am nothing like your dad.” it implies that reading either of these characters as a mirror of someone else (other than each other, of course) would be a misstep. for both will and hannibal, hobbs is just another layer of the person suit. something that’s brutally stripped in mizumono, as I said before
we learn all this in one scene alone. like I said, this episode is complex and packed. the rest of the episode simply expands on the concepts introduced in this one conversation. I won’t go into every scene because this post would turn into an academic paper, but I do want to spend time dissecting a few key scenes which I feel directly link back to mizumono specifically and highlight why this episode is so important: the family dinner scene, hannibal breaking into will’s house, will’s therapy sessions with hannibal, and hannibal and abigail making breakfast together
how will analyses the family dinner, as well as what we learn from this scene, adds to our understanding of how these characters interpret family as a whole. after all, this episode is about “the lost boys” which, to me at least, will and hannibal both are. it’s their lack of real connection that causes them to treat abigail in the idealised way they do, similar to how the woman tries to make her own found family with the kidnapped boys (although this parallel better fits hannibal than will)
within his reconstruction of the crime scene, will sits at the head of the table, saying he’s “brought his family to this home invasion.” of course he’s impersonating the killer here, but this use of the home again (and family) is enough to pay attention to
power and control is also brought up in this scene. will says he controls the turners with “threats of violence. threats that turn to action” which is how hannibal operates (although more psychologically considering his demeanour, he doesn’t seem threatening at first and rarely loses his cool) but he can’t control people that way, least of all will. in the end threats of violence don’t even work, because the more worked up you get the less in control you actually are
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will then shoots mrs turner, who, as we later learn, forgives the act since she loves her son. forgiveness (and acceptance) being synonymous with love literally underpins the conflict of s3, which is triggered by hannibal asking will if he’ll forgive him for murdering abigail in mizumono, but it’s first shown here, of all episodes, in the story’s set up. because of this, hannibal killing abigail and stabbing will recalls this episode, perhaps more as an echo than a direct link, but is strengthened nonetheless by this subtle build. added to this, it’s notable that the threat of violence here is also due to a type of betrayal (“family dinner, I wasn’t invited”) but the lost boy sits at the head of the table anyway, where he belongs, much like hannibal does, both at the end of this episode and as the “paternal” father figure throughout most of the show
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as will says, this whole sequence portrays family values. twisted ones, but values nonetheless. it’s why I’m more inclined to connect this episode to the s2 finale than I am the s1 finale (although it’s still relevant) because this episode is so strictly about family. mizumono is the same but in reversal: the ideal family hannibal dreams and tries to take control of, since he had no control of his own as a boy, is shattered before his eyes
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the other largely significant moment in this episode is when hannibal breaks into will’s house and pierces his thumb on the hook, tying the fishing/boat imagery back to the house again and foreshadowing will as the “lure” (his s2 persona)
what’s important about this scene is that hannibal enters will’s world (his isolated identity) to plant the evidence that’ll later frame him for all the s1 murders, leaving traces of himself on will so that, for a moment, will too becomes the copycat. again, not the exact truth of him or his nature, but a fragmented replica. inauthentic. fake. another layer of the person suit, except this time it’s hannibal’s forced on will
but what’s interesting is that hannibal also gets caught in will’s web. there’s a lot of focus on the hook specifically, and the camera lingers on the feathers, which hannibal takes the time to touch and look at, until finally, he pricks his thumb and draws blood
the irony is that in this moment, before the game even really begins, hannibal loses. he’s already hooked himself. we saw hints of this in the first scene of this episode, how his fascination with will is unlike any other attachment, or lack of attachment, he has, and it encapsulates the whole reason for his downfall: his attachment and obsession. it’s beyond his control (“you cannot control with respect to whom you fall in love”) and humanises him in darkly twisted way. he cannot control his feelings, and he doesn’t know what to do with this
his fate is sealed in this episode, but he doesn’t realise it until mizumono
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again, the boat imagery is another interesting thing to note. fishing/boats/anchors are all introduced in this episode as mild, safe things (seeing the house as a boat makes will feels safe, wanting to teach abigail how to fish, hannibal saying will needs an anchor, will and his dad at the boatyard, etc) but fishing has an insidious side, too. one hannibal isn’t aware of. it has a meek mask, and in its own way, acts as another type of security. does will feel safe within his own sense of control, too? that’s the whole point of the person suit, isn’t it? it’s an important question, because the fallout is explored in mizumono. like I’ve said all throughout this analysis: everything here is being set up for a single climactic moment
will also sails to florence later in a boat he builds. he returns to hannibal’s home in s3, sitting in the kitchen with abigail’s ghost, but it isn’t home if hannibal isn’t there, so he sails to find him. I hate to say it, but will’s insane little sailing trip to italy is actually symbolic too if you interpret hannibal as will’s home, and by going to find him will, in turn, is also going home
the scene ends with hannibal sucking the blood from his thumb, before we transition to the blood streaked family portrait, opening the next scene. having the frame of hannibal bleeding being immediately followed by the bloody family portrait seems deliberate to me, since, as we know, he kills abigail later and destroys their “family” because will “makes him bleed”. again, tying the events of mizumono back to the family values introduced in this episode
also, in the script the sound hannibal makes when he sucks the blood from his thumb is described as “not unlike a quick kiss” which is an odd way to phrase it within the literal context of this scene, but makes a lot of sense when you consider what it means symbolically. it’s a small detail, but it recontextualises will “luring” him in as a romantic act, as well as a romantic betrayal
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continuing on, what family means to hannibal and his desire to both connect with will and manipulate abigail are both interweaved as the episode progresses. hannibal says that “children transport us to our childhoods”, reframes the idea that will’s family, who will jokingly refers to as a pack of strays, also includes abigail (and without saying it, himself) and that the woman who’s kidnapping the lost boys is engaging in a “perversion” of motherhood. all these things evidently reflect hannibal himself, and the specific trauma he experienced losing his parents and, more to the point, his younger sister. we don’t learn the specifics of this backstory until much later on in the story, but his behaviours (and the trajectory of his character arc) are influenced by it regardless
in contrast, will doesn’t seem all that interested in the concept. he sees family as an “ill fitting suit” (yet another reference to the person suit) and it’s an entirely foreign concept to him (it’s foreign to hannibal too, since they’re the same, but I digress). still, he tries to connect to abigail anyway, but this isn’t motivated by a want for authentic family or someone who understands him, but rather an ideal. will doesn’t want to see the truth of himself, it scares him. he doesn’t want to see the truth of abigail, either. he doesn’t want to see her as her father’s lure (again, fishing imagery) but as something innocent and divorced from what he knows of himself. he ironically buys her fishing gear in this episode (although he never gives it to her) in an attempt to associate her with the same meek mask we discussed earlier. but as we know, this “safety” too has layers
buying abigail a gift also mirrors what hannibal says to will in mizumono: “I gave you a rare gift, but you didn’t want it.” the rare gift is family, which is given value when will says “I can’t give them back what they just gave away” in relation to the lost boys and their dead mothers. it’s again another part of the family values introduced in this episode: family is a rare gift, but it’s not something you can force, which both hannibal and will try to do with abigail (like the mother tries to do with the lost boys)
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the “I can’t give them back what they gave away” is particularly important, since it implies permanency and an inability to reverse the action. the gift of family and connection is only rare because once it’s taken from you you can’t have it back; you can’t reverse time; you can’t take back control
this is the crux of hannibal’s entire arc. the belief that he is in control of his life, since, in his mind, he’s godlike and exists beyond human folly and attachment, underpins every single one of his actions leading up to mizumono. for this reason, it’s significant that the teacups are introduced in this episode as a means (and symbolic prop) to control abigail. they are later related back to time but this is meant to be a symbol of hannibal’s power. he directly says that he wants to give abigail her ‘power back’ earlier in the episode, but he’s really just empowering himself. he projects his attachment to mischa onto her, something he pretends doesn’t affect him and he is above of (his approach to dealing with trauma is clear through his interactions with abigail — he thinks she shouldn’t be immersed in the tragedy of the past and should just ‘move on’)
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in truth, hannibal wants to recreate the moment of tragedy (both his tragedy and abigail’s tragedy) in order to reverse time and have the perfect family, despite being incapable of this. he’s trying to escape how his trauma makes him feel powerless by attempting to take power back, no matter how futile it is
he attempts to do this here, in his home, by making them breakfast, since in his mind by feeding abigail the same (and last) meal she had with her family, he is in turn engineering a kind of ‘rebirth’ for her. he reassures that although this was the last meal she had with her family, it’ll be the first with him, and tries to take away her bad memories by replacing them with positive associations. the reversal of time is even clear in how he makes breakfast for dinner, flipping literal time on its head for his amusement
for the audience, in this scene we learn he’s a more skilled manipulator than the woman who took the lost boys, since he’s forcing this “blur” between abigail’s father and himself through the use of psychedelics and fostering dependency. he wants to replace hobbs without necessarily becoming him. again, he’s his copycat, not his replica
the fact that this all takes place in the kitchen is also important. it’s the same place hannibal will later kill her, proving he can’t reverse time and he isn’t in control, and that she was never reborn, and he was never her father. and returning to the beginning of this analysis (I said I’d come back to this) will also killed hobbs in his own kitchen, where he finally sees the truth of himself. in mizumono, a reversal occurs: hannibal is now confronted with the truth of himself and, like will, accidentally finds something very ugly by exposing himself
the episode ends with will separated from the ‘family’ and resting with his dogs, similar to how mizumono ends with will lying in his own blood, alone. in summary, oeuf quietly introduces and foreshadows key plot, character, and thematic elements through the conventions of the crime genre, and it’s fascinating to me how many links can be made between this episode and the bloodbath in mizumono
even down to the episode title: the newly formed egg and all the consequences that are to follow its hatching
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I finished 『ひと』 !
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Now that I've read the last chapter of 『ひと』 I want to share my thoughts:
Story
I have mixed feelings. Slice of life stories are nice and relaxing to read from time to time but, unfortunately, I struggled to motivate myself to continue reading. I can see the value of this kind of story, however, I missed interesting twists, unusual events, challenges that the main character needs to overcome, etc. (=anything that would make me curious) To be fair, it's not that the main character doesn't has any goals nor problems, far from it. But they are so … normal. I usually prefer interesting and exciting stories. Mystery, action, suspense, thriller… you name it. That's why slice of life is a bit boring for my taste.
However, this is just my personal taste and has nothing to do with the quality of the book itself! Although it was not a page turner for me, it's not that I dislike the story. I think it's a nice slice of life story.
The first chapter introduces the protagonist, his difficult life situation, his past and several other characters. The books reveals gradually more and more details about the protagonist and other characters in a natural way. I liked the pleasant writing style and storytelling.
To me, the story and characters felt very realistic. It was not like the dramatic, exciting and exaggerated stories I'm used to (and usually prefer). Reading this book rather feels like watching normal people like you and me living their normal life: You learn about their struggles, see how they are building relationships and how they are trying to find their way in life.
Most of the time I had the impression that the main character didn't know what to do with his life (I think many people can relate to that). He didn't have much confidence in himself and his abilities. In chapter 3, things changed a bit thanks to people around him. They encouraged him to believe in his abilities which opened new paths for him (I'm very vague here to avoid spoilers). I was curious which path the main character will choose.
During the last chapter, the protagonist made some surprising decisions. It seemed like he became a bit more confident and optimistic and finally realized what is important to him at this point in life. Especially the last page was a big surprise for me.
It's a bit sad, though. The end made me more curious what will happen next than the other chapters before.
Difficulty
The level of difficulty was okay. I had to look up many words and didn't understand every detail but most of the time I was able to follow the story. Only scenes with descriptions of different kinds of meals and other cooking and work related things were quite difficult because of my lack of vocabulary in these areas.
I think this novel is a bit difficult but not too hard to read. Compared to other novels, most sentences are surprisingly short. So even though there were words I didn't know the sentences were not very complicated.
I was able to follow the story but I felt that I missed lots of nuances that are important to really understand the appeal of the story. At this point, I've read two or three books where I had the same feeling. In other books, this doesn't matter too much. Understanding what is happening is usually enough to enjoy the book. But there are books where I have this vague feeling that following the story itself is not enough. That's why reading these books felt ... unsatisfying. I'm not sure how to describe it. Did you experience something similar?
Anyway, I still have a lot to learn. And since I'm not a big fan of slice of life stories, please take my thoughts with a grain of salt. I just described how I personally experienced reading the book at my current level. This genre may not be my cup of tea but I think it's a nice story that makes you think about life.
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supermarioterrarium · 4 months
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I don't actively engage in UT/DR fandom but i adore the games and have Thoughts about them that usually don't escape the walls of my own head. And they're thoughts that I really haven't found echoed anywhere, at least not all in one place or fully formed. so have some stray thoughts and half-theories, some of which pertain to spoilers:
generally:
i don't think i've played any work or series of works that's more tuned into what's special about games as a medium. it's very intimately familiar and in love with genre conventions and contrivances, and uses that to tell a story that's about games and is meta, but not-actually-meta, in a way that avoids the hangups of stories that are overly aware of themselves. it's very much aware of itself but it doesn't fall into autofellatio, the awareness is always in service to telling an interesting story. suspension of disbelief isn't sacrificed for a gimmick or gag. it's all very contained and very consistent with itself even when it's also self-aware. the consistency of every element and how they mesh with every other element and how nothing breaks in spite of that metanarrative also existing is a big part of why i admire it so much i guess. everything feels natural at a glance but if you look at the whole it's obvious that it must've been very difficult to construct. it's meticulous like a watch's insides. everything seems to be in the place it's in for a good reason. even if after the fact toby says that such and such was spontaneous, a good job was done to make sure it didn't feel that way. it's all integrated cleanly.
more specifically:
some disparate ideas and theories that i feel somewhat strongly about but wouldn't be, say, super prepared to like argue or write an essay on:
I think that anyone leaning too heavily on the fact that Toby said DR is its own game is probably going to be blindsided. it's pretty obvious to anyone who's media-literate that the two games are, and are going to continue to be, very important to each other.
I think that UT and DR are going to be, in one way or another, cyclical. and I mean that literally -- i think that they will somehow "cause" each other's narratives to "exist". Neither is a sequel or a prequel, because they're both sort of.. both.
Connected to that thought, I don't think it will be possible to tell where Sans and Papyrus "originally" came from. Everything I've seen makes me think that their existence, at least at the point we're allowed to interact with them, is a bootstrap paradox. They came from the DR world to the UT world, and that's because they came from the UT world to the DR world. and so on and so forth, with no discernible origin point anymore.
I think Gaster is actually two monsters. or people. or darkners. whatever he is, he's two things. The motif of "one monster being two monsters" in UT feels like one of very few complete loose ends. You've got froggit, you've got shyren, you've got mysteryman himself.. and it's a theme that's never really brought up in the narrative proper. but shyren's case is alluded to in sprite names and in extracanonical material (sans' tumblr post), and the concept is implied in the latter to be connected to gaster in some way. I don't know why it's important, but it definitely seems like he's actually two things.
I think 1997 is definitely the in-universe year that Dess went missing, and also the year that Asgore did whatever he did to get kicked off of the police force. And that those two events are probably connected, but that's a pretty popular idea already. It also seems likely that it happened during a blizzard. I don't see the year being discussed as often as the other elements, though. I don't know if it being that particular year really even means anything outside of it being that year, but it wouldn't feel right in a storytelling sense if the year wasn't tied to things in that way.
I think Kris is gradually learning how to manipulate the "anomaly" (the player) via narration. Or to put it another way, I think the narration is one of the primary ways they can interact with us, and that this also means that they can limit our interaction with the world using the narration. The example at the tail-end of CH2 is the most obvious example -- Kris actively manipulates the narration in order to make sure we make the choice that allows them to take us out of the equation. They obey our command (use a sink), but in a way that's more favorable to them (use the bathroom sink). This also happens when we ask them to enter Asriel's room in Queen's mansion: They do so, but close their eyes. To put it another another way: Kris has to follow our commands to the letter, but not necessarily to the spirit. This is also how/why they say what we choose them to say, but very clearly disagree with certain choices and are able to express that to some degree with tone and face/body language. Is this something they came to understand naturally? Or is it something Ralsei informed them of during one of their offscreen conversations? Who knows at this point, but I think it's definitely going to lead to some interesting twists. It already has! Other examples include not reading the entirety of the human adoption book in the library, or the entire newspaper report in the police station. It could also be the case with the piano in the hospital -- Kris frowns and plays a sour note because they have to do something but they don't really want to play for an audience (reinforced by one of the hidden blog entries from the spamton fundraiser)
The knight could be Alvin. or Papyrus. or Ice-E (only half-joking). I'm really not sure. It could be more than one person! It's definitely not Kris and anyone who thinks it is needs to.. read more or get their brain re-wrinkled or something. Kris making the fountain at the end of CH2 is a really obvious red herring. If you got any read on them as a character at all, and paid attention to the stuff going on around them, there are plenty of justifications for what they did without them having to be the knight.
Something that popped into my head more recently that I have less of a concrete foothold on: perhaps Noelle was, or thinks she was, at least somewhat responsible for what happened to Dess, and was able to either 1) claim she knew nothing about it or 2) somehow lay the blame on Asgore. Based on how she and Rudy talk about Asgore and the Dreemurs in the present day, I definitely lean way more toward the former, with him getting taken off the force by the mayor because he wasn't able to solve the disappearance rather than because he was directly responsible. The trauma and *denial* Noelle seems to feel about everything surrounding that situation makes me think she knows more about it than she lets on.
The item descriptions of the shadow crystals seem to depict a universe where Kris never existed (which significantly ties into the UT goner kid's dialogue!). Susie never becomes a decent friend, and, more surprisingly, dark worlds don't seem to exist. Like I said before, I really don't think Kris is the knight, but this and that are two different things. The dark worlds' existence being tied to Kris' isn't the same thing as Kris creating the dark worlds. It having something to do with them is still really significant, though.
I think i have more thoughts than that but i'm struggling to think of them so that's all for now
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