BRO- LEMME TELL YOU SOMTHIN- LET ME TELLYOUS OMTHING- WHEN I SAW KALDO FRICKING GEHENNA i became a fricking mad dog without a leash, SOMEONE PLEASE SEDATE ME-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SWEAR OMGOSH-HE'S SO- MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
anyways i'm so normal about him
could i request sum smol hc??:)) please and thank y<3
kaldo gehenna is not a snack.
he's an entire gourmet meal.
i'm taking a different route and writing for him as a big bro bc he just gives a big bro vibe to me <3
reader is fem! reader
ᵗʰᵃᵗ'ˢ ᵐʸ ᵇʳᵒᵗʰ⁻ ʸᴼᵁᴿ ᴮᴿᴼᵀᴴᴱᴿ ?!
being kaldo's sister includes...
first of all, i'm so sorry you were born from the same womb as him
sucks to suck because he makes your life miserable in the best way possible and you're not even sure if that's physically possible, but somehow he makes it happen.
if you had a nickle for each time someone asked you if you and kaldo were dating because you guys are 1) opposite genders 2) look NOTHING alike and 3) get along fairly well in public, you would not need any inheritance money from your family to be rich.
at this point, kaldo is ready burn whoever asks either of you if you guys are romantically involved, like seriously he's sitting like "i raise this girl from the crib, we share a crib, we have world war five thousand in the same crib, and if i didn't know any better i would think i birthed this gremlin myself-"
you have a love hate relationship with him, take it or leave it.
of course, you guys will love each other and protect each other when it matters, but if it's a random ass tuesday, he'll throw a slice of cheese at your face
imagine the look on your brother's coworkers' faces when you waltz in like "where the hell is the burning pile of trash i need to beat the shit out of him-"
legit the security guards nearly had to sedate you to calm you down
and kaldo over here skipping down the hallway, sees you, goes "tee hee" and skedaddles.
everyone saw that
they don't know how to feel about it
and they have no clue what he did, but they're pretty sure he signed a death warrant with the way you're ready to bite someone's head off
not even orter knows what to do, he's standing there confused out of his mind
by the time they calm you down enough to ask you what happened (kaldo farted and made it look like it was you in front of your crush), no one has the right to be mad at you
honestly, if they were a teen and their sibling pulled some mad shit like that, they'd be upset too
i'm not kidding, i'm pretty sure orter would rip wirth's head off, like i'm sorry but i can't imagine that not happening-
however, kaldo has to deal with you at some point because you live in the same house
there's no avoiding this one for him
he did this to himself
other than the occasional war he starts on his own, kaldo is generally a reliable big brother.
reliable as in he's going to count every single favor you ask from him and make you pay for every single one of them back
and yes, he's fed you honey sashimi and made you eat a whole serving as a dare, and i don't think you can look at honey the same way anymore.
however, regardless of how shitty he is 90% of the time, there will never be a day he leaves you hanging when you're in danger.
oh, someone's stalking you? don't worry, he's already stalking them back. there's been an assassination attempt on you? nah, he already tailing them, and they should be on their deathbed some time soon lmao
doesn't tolerate a single bit of disrespect towards you
it doesn't matter if you did something wrong first (though he highly doubts it because his baby sister is a model citizen and is smart enough to know what the law is).
honestly, it's already going to ring alarm bells in his head if someone starts blaming you the moment they see him because yes, he knows you're a hotheaded person, but you know the difference between what's self-defense and what's down-right harrassment.
and all the times you've been in trouble with the law because you jumped somebody, it was all self-defense.
one time, some guy tried groping you, another time a saleswoman was yelling at you and nearly shaking you by the shoulder when you claimed her goods were fake, and the first time you got in trouble you were a kid giving one of the poorer kids an apple that you were going to pay for... but the vendor called you a thief before you could get your allowance out.
yeah, kaldo doubts you'd cause any serious problems, and he already knows who's going to jail by the look on your face.
like people might think they can get away with messing with you because you're a spoiled little girl from a noble family, but they don't count on the fact your brother will breathe down their neck with murderous intent until they give you an honest apology.
he's the only one who can mess with you and get away with it. not even his own coworkers gets a pass. thankfully, they don't blame you for some illegal shit that happened, but if something happens and kaldo manages to hear what happened, he's going to be side-eyeing them for a while.
the only time normal citizens get to see what his eyes look like is when he's defending you, and honestly, they wish they could be the person they were before then.
i'm so serious that kaldo is HORRIFYING when he's angry, but thankfully, he's not an easy guy to piss off. in most cases, he'll piss someone else off before they get a chance to annoy him.
one time some random noblewoman pretended that you ran into her during a party of sorts and made her spill wine all the way down her dress just to yell at you.
little did she know mr. flame cane was at the party too, and it's no secret that you're a member of the gehenna family, let alone the only sister of kaldo.
honestly, he's onto her like a fucking sleep paralysis demon.
same with anyone else who thinks messing with you is a good idea.
and people who DO know you can clap cheeks as good as your brother can KNOWS not to mess with you.
your coworkers? perfect behavior, never sasses you, has great manners, never raises their voices at you.
your friends? they get some leeway, but only if they're messing with you as a joke. they know more than well not to cross your boundaries.
your lover?
you don't have one.
kaldo made some impossible quiz type thing that basically disqualifies all your possible suitors to be your potential lover.
overprotective, yes, but unless you genuinely love someone and it's obvious to him they love you just as much, if not more, then he won't stop the tomfoolery.
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Prompt: Lando in lingerie because you put that idea into the world in climb up to your lips and I would very much love to read it ❤️
girloscar-verse drabble under the cut; fairly far into the future but before they get married (and getting very meta! because that's what tumblr is for lol)
Oscar says it's only fair she gets to pick stuff out for him, since he bought her some. And anyway, she arguably knows more about it than he does, which Lando reckons is actually by a very fine margin, if it's true at all but won't argue with her about it.
It's nice, the idea she's going to dress him up. He liked buying her gala dress, it's kind of the same thing.
She leaves the bag in the middle of their bed and it takes him a nervous ten minutes to actually open it, like he thinks some posh knickers might bite him. He's giggling by the time he tips the contents out onto the duvet, not because it's funny but because it kind of is? Here's a millionaire Formula 1 driver getting all anxious about what silky, lacy things his girlfriend wants to dress him in.
It's not that it's a surprise that Oscar's picked things he like because she does know him pretty horrifyingly well. But it's still nice that she has, makes him have to curl up on top of the duvet for a minute, lingerie scrumpled in his hands, to feel how good it is being loved by her.
It's a nice, soft, cream colour that he's got a few tracksuits in. The sort of comfy stuff he wears to snooze next to her on flights, nose buried in Oscar's shoulder. It's a good, clean colour that goes well with his skin and contrasts sharply to his tendency for dark grey boxers, something special but still somewhere in his comfort zone.
Getting his own clothes off feels a bit mad, having to stuff them in the laundry basket because he doesn't feel like a discarded hoodie and socks is the right vibe for when Oscar comes in and sees him trying to be sexy or whatever.
There's not just pants and whatever. He's not one hundred percent surprised by this because it's sort of an inside joke that he's always trying to trick Oscar into keeping her socks on in bed. Sorry if he wants to be reminded of her riding him every time she crosses one leg over the knee of the other in debrief or whatever.
He likes long socks anyway, for golf and that sort of thing so the fact these come up over his knees isn't that alien. They're a nice, soft material, like a very fluffy cotton or almost like the cashmere cardigans he steals off Oscar to bundle up on the couch in. Not really like stockings, grooved and topped with elastic almost like Oscar's beloved trainer socks but definitely a lot fancier, sitting low on his thighs.
The next thing he unravels is a soft top, not exactly a bra so it won't flag up the fact he's not got actual tits but gently cut so it cups his pecs, plunging between them. Lewis or Yuki would probably wear it to the paddock, maybe Lando'll give it a go for Monaco this year.
It's short, not covering his waist and abs and he's suddenly very aware there's nothing over his dick. Has to scrabble to pull on the knickers, which he'd sort of assumed would be boy shorts or something but instead it's a thong-thong, in the same, soft fabric as the top.
He squeaks involuntarily when it goes up his arse because what the fuck. Oscar wears this sort of thing quite often, these days, when they're not at work and she must be really committed to sending him insane because that's a wholly weird sensation, fabric brushing up against places normally only touched by Oscar.
Checking himself out in the mirror, though, he does look cute. There's some vaguely shocking tan lines around where his shorts were during their week on Pulau Joyo but they fit well enough with the pale lingerie. It's not too frilly, doesn't look like he's wearing something he shouldn't be - he could halfway imagine it being for a photoshoot or something, if Sophie would ever be likely to sign off on him having his arse out.
It takes him a minute to work up the courage to stick his head around the door, call out for her.
Oscar appears very quickly, like she'd been hovering nearby and a bit nervous herself about whether he'd like it. "Can I see?"
He has to laugh because, like, obviously. Lando didn't put this on so she can not fuck him in it but also Oscar looks so genuinely worried and excited. Like she thinks he's going to say no or call her taste in underwear shit or something and even though he is feeling quite shy about it, it makes him step around the door to comfort her.
Oscar almost immediately has him up against it, pressing Lando back on the solid wood and lifting his knee to run her hand up the left sock, feel where it stops and leaves his thigh feeling more naked than when he's totally undressed.
"Oh my god." She kisses him, gentle, lets Lando climb on her a bit with his arms over her shoulders. "You're so cute. So pretty. Fuck."
It's easy to tuck his face into Oscar's neck and breathe her skin in, the reassuring eucalyptus still clinging to her from last night. He'd thought she'd want to perv on him a bit or whatever, the way he does with her when she's wearing nice stuff but Oscar seems more intent on feeling him up, pressing her fingers to the tender place behind his balls where the thong's soft against his skin and tracing the seam of his arse, over where it's just hiding his hole.
"Oscar." He bites at her collarbone, where she's usually chewing him, just to tell her he loves her.
"Do you like it?" She pulls back enough to look him in the eye, tucking one of his curls back with her index finger as she does it, nail trailing gently down his face afterwards.
There hadn't been really time for him to figure that out, yet. But yes. "Yeah. You chose - you know, I can tell it's for me. And it's nice, the fabric."
"Comfy." She moves her hand further down his neck, rubbing over his chest to where the top's resting on his pecs. "I thought you wouldn't like - you know, anything with straps and wires."
Definitely not. That sounds like a deeply unpleasant sensory experience, fairly horrible even the times he was trying to take anything complicated off his ex.
Oscar kisses him again, sliding her hand up the leg he's got propped on her hip until she's cupping his dick, makes them both make a curious noise that he's still soft.
"It's not - I do think it's sexy? And you're - I love this. I don't know." Normally his problem is the opposite, that he's at half-chub pretty much any time he's in the same room as Oscar.
"It doesn't have to be a sex thing, though." She coaxes his other leg up, until she can get her hands underneath and pick him up, carry them over to the couch. "You can just look pretty, if you want?"
Maybe. It's hard to explain what's going on in his head and Oscar is normally the translator for that but she's not psychic, here.
"I think I just." He curls round, onto her, lets her do the koala thing. It feels safer, less wrongfooted by their mutual nervousness earlier, like this. "Can we watch some more of that show?"
Oscar makes a surprised noise, probably because it's her series and Lando just naps on her or fucks about on his phone during it. But that sounds nice, now. Just being them, in a slightly new configuration.
"True Detective? Sure." She gives him a squeeze before she gets up to find the remote, pottters around the apartment for a minute to get him his phone and both of them bottles of water.
When they're under the biggest, softest sofa blanket - nearly the same pale cream as Lando's underwear, a huge mistake for somewhere they eat half the time - he asks her to explain the plot to him again because nothing makes Oscar happier and he loves listening to her.
Half-asleep against her shoulder, he realises the story she's telling him stopped being about detectives awhile ago and is about a really hot boy whose girlfriend can't believe he's real.
He pokes Oscar in the chin. "Oi, I am actually listening. They should do a season from her perspective."
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going off of your BEAUTIFULLY worded post(s) about byler being inevitable and treating queer characters with respect, do you think they will explore byler's sexuality with a sex scene or just keep it to a kiss? Or perhaps another kind of scene?
Honestly...I don't feel like a sex scene is likely? Not because they're too young or anything. There have been sex scenes between people Will and Mike's age on the show before--thank you Steve and Nancy--so that wouldn't be the issue. Nor do I think it would be an issue with them being a queer couple.
My prediction--and I could be wrong; this kind of depends on how the rest of the season goes with regards to the main action plot--is that Will and Mike are going to get together at a climactic moment. Maybe leading up to the final clash or during it. And sex scenes really need time to breathe. Steve and Nancy had sex at the beginning of Season 1. Jonathan and Nancy had sex in the middle of Season 2. They had time.
But I think, if the writers waited until the final season of the show to make this couple canon, it's because it's important. Not a romantic subplot, but plot. I think, in some way or another, the romantic plot and the action plot are going to be intertwined, and they're going to climax together. You know, like they're having SE-- There'd just be no comfortable place to fit a sex scene at the height of the action. Like, imagine trying to fit a Lumax sex scene when they're in the attic at the end of Season 4. It just doesn't go there. They got the cute little doodle scene instead.
I very much think Mike and Will are going to kiss, though. I'd be shocked if they didn't.
So basically what I'm saying is...I feel like Byler is going to be too important for a sex scene to happen. I could see a scene early on portraying some sort of sexuality, particularly from Mike's side, to show to the general audience that something is happening, that it's not just one-sided. For instance maybe they'd have to change clothes in the same room for some reason, a la Joyce and Hopper in S4, and Mike would look just a little too long before turning around. But a full-blown sex scene...probably not?
The more specific stuff like this gets, of course, the harder it is to predict, so I'm a little less certain about this prediction than Byler simply being canon, but, yeah, gun to my head? Kiss, absolutely. Sex, probably not.
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