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#but then again nobody deserves it? But I just wish I'd get some of the energy or w.e back that I send out so I wouldn't spend the majority
mcflymemes · 10 months
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PROMPTS FOR LOTS AND LOTS OF FLIRTING ♡ *  assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary
what did you think after our first kiss?
what did i do to deserve you?
what are you craving right now?
i can't stop thinking about you.
you can't do that and expect me not to kiss you!
i never believed in true love until i met you.
sometimes i can't get enough of you.
my days get brighter when i think of you.
don't get mad if i fall asleep on you.
will you be mine?
you make my head spin and my knees shake.
i like it when we hold hands.
i want to grow old with you.
how do i look in your shirt?
that was really adorable.
let's skip the small talk and go straight to flirting.
i've been thinking about you all morning.
what did you think of our first date?
i could stare into your eyes forever.
come here. let me hold you for a while.
sorry, i got lost in your eyes. can you say that again?
i love your laugh.
i had a dream about you last night.
i want to spend the rest of my life by your side.
are you in the mood to have some fun?
how much skin is too much skin to show on our date tonight?
can i take you on a date?
do that again. that was really cute.
was it good for you?
you're really hot. just thought you should know.
how can you resist this face?
want to be my little spoon?
nobody understands me like you do.
i'm trying to flirt with you, but clearly it's not working.
you're so cute.
you don't know what you do to me.
i don't know what i'd do without you.
when can i see you again?
my bed smells like you.
i hope you feel the same way.
how about we take this to the bedroom?
you drive me crazy.
are you wearing my shirt? it looks good on you.
let me give you a nice, long massage.
you mean a lot to me.
you're pretty irresistable.
have you been flirting this whole time?
i thought about your smile today.
why don't you come sit with me? there's plenty of room.
it's okay if you fall asleep on me.
stay close to me.
you make everything brighter.
it's you. it's only ever going to be you.
you're cute when you blush.
i don't want to share you with anyone.
i wish i could wake up next to you every morning.
you make it hard to focus.
hey, i'm not the one with the cute smile! you are!
want to try that again?
you are my whole world.
i miss the taste of your kiss.
want to make them jealous?
i was counting down the minutes until i saw you.
you're my favorite type of distraction.
i think i'm addicted to you.
don't worry, i make a great pillow.
you're a great hugger.
you make all my dreams come true.
i can't stop thinking about last night.
i never want to know a world without you.
ever since i met you... i haven't stopped thinking about you.
you're more than enough.
let me get a good look at you.
i love everything about you.
you're a very special person.
you have amazing hands.
i promise you a weekend you'll never forget.
i have something special planned for tonight.
you're cute when you get like that.
oh no. not the puppy dog pout. you know i can't resist that.
i saw this and thought of you, so i had to get it.
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wangxianficfinder · 4 months
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In the mood for...
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1. hey y'all im hoping you're having a good holiday. im in the mood for jin ling having a complex about his courtesy name. thanks, y'all are spectacular!
climbing up that coastal shelf by Sour_Idealist (T, 15k, JC & JL & WWX, JC & JL, JC & WWX, JL & LSZ, JL & WWX, Post-Canon, Mutually Unrequited Forgiveness, JC & WWX Reconciliation, Family History, Generational Trauma, Discussion of Canonical Abuse, Awkward Attempts at Communication, mentions of past JC/WQ, Fairy is a good dog) This is for #1 but it's not the focus of the entire fic, just the second section
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2. Hello! In the mood for canon setting time loop fics? Not just going back in time once, but someone is stuck in a loop over and over again. Preferably Wei Wuxian-centric, but it could be any character. Love this blog, thank you all! @gloriousclotpole
the cycle of regret by KouriArashi (T, 14k, WangXian, Groundhog Day, Fix-It, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Alternate Canon) LWJ is the one stuck in the loop
Wearing Down Every Bone by CSHfic, VSfic (E, 30k, WangXian, Groundhog Day, Time Loop, Temporary Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Case Fic, Curses, Pining, Getting Together, Time Travel, Night Hunts, Hurt wwx, Mystery, Angst with a Happy Ending, Use Your Words, Mutual Pining, Depression and Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, gratuitous use of empathy) I have something that's post-canon rather than strictly canon, but still deserves a mention I feel
Pocketful of Soul by Jenrose (T, 182k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Canon Divergence, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, BAMF MXY, MXY Lives, Genderfluid MXY, MXY Backstory, POV MXY, If At First You Don’t Succeed Try Try Again and Again and Again, Wangxian Speedrun, times three because time travel, Found Family, Genius MXY, Genius WWX, Not particularly JGY friendly, CQL-based) Pocketful of Soul by Jenrose is probably not what people expect from time loops but it is time loops nonetheless
~*~
3. Do you know good fics where Yu Ziyuan got some karma for the way she treated Wei Wuxian? Bonus if her husband got some karma too (even if he never mistreated directly Wei Wuxian, he didn't stop his wife to abuse him)
🔒If Wishes Were Donkeys by NightOwl1 (M, 101k, WIP, WangXian, SVSSS, Time Travel Fix-It, Case Fic, Mpreg, Fluff and Humor, Dysfunctional Jiāng Family, Bad Parent YZY, WangXian Get a Happy Ending,   Period-Typical Homophobia, Crossdressing, LWJ and WWX Have a Breeding Kink, It’s All The System’s Fault, Post-Canon, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Warning: JGS, Good Uncle LQR, LWJ and WWX Are LSZ’s Parents, Inappropriate Humor, Family Feels)
~*~
4. Hi! Itmf where lan wangji and Wei wuxian are in an established relationship and suddenly lan wangji goes back in time. ❤️❤️
The Second Hand Unwinds by trulywicked (E, 25k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, Time Travel Fix-It, not JC friendly, not Yúnmèng Jiāng Sect friendly, not Jiāng Family friendly, not YZY friendly, Time Travelling LWJ, Protective LWJ, Fluff, Minor Angst, Minor Character Death, JGS is his own warning, Wooing, LWJ is romantic af, Inventor WWX, Genius WWX, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Protective Gūsū Lán Sect, Supportive LXC, Good Uncle LQR, WIP)
~*~
5. I love all time travel, but could I ask for fics where the person time-travelling isn't wwx? I'd love for the person to seize the opportunity to make sure that wwx experiences less (or none!) of the Horrors haha
🔒💖 The blame game by apathyinreverie (T, 13k, wangxian, LXC & LWJ, LSZ & WWX, WWX & WQ, LXC & WWX, canon divergence, time travel fix-it, possessive LWJ, oblivious WWX, fluff, siblings, romance, golden core reveal, golden core fix-it) Lan Xichen travels back to just before Wei Wuxian liberates the Wens and supports him.
Lynchpin by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 103k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Time Travel, Fix-It, Lynchpin [PODFIC] by Opalsong, [PODFIC] Lynchpin by Gwogobo) the one travelling is JC, to the moment he and LWJ find WWX after Burial Mounds
The Second Hand Unwinds by trulywicked (E, 25k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, Time Travel Fix-It, not JC friendly, not Yúnmèng Jiāng Sect friendly, not Jiāng Family friendly, not YZY friendly, Time Travelling LWJ, Protective LWJ, Fluff, Minor Angst, Minor Character Death, JGS is his own warning, Wooing, LWJ is romantic af, Inventor WWX, Genius WWX, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Protective Gūsū Lán Sect, Supportive LXC, Good Uncle LQR, WIP) link in #4
Resilience. by Vrishchika (T, 7k, wangxian, time travel, not JC friendly, golden core transfer fix-it) JC & LWJ are the time travellers
Time, Time, Time by skeletonofaplant (G, 44k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, LSZ & WWX, JYL & JL & JZX, LJY & LSZ, Time Travel Fix-It, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Identity Porn, Identity Reveal, Angst, Fluff, Junior Quartet Dynamics, Time Travelling Junior Ensemble, Junior Ensemble Shenanigans, Humor) The Junior Quartet time travels
A Matter of Time series by mrcformoso (E, 70 k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, POV LWJ, POV JC, Dark LWJ, Manipulation, Grooming, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Consensual Underage Sex, Except problematic please read warning in first chapter, Blood and Violence, Insane LWJ, Manic LWJ, Conditioning, WWX is a Lán, Minor Character Death, Confused JC, Golden Core Reveal, Good Friend NHS, WWX Isn’t Adopted by the Jiāngs, Abusive Jiāng Family, Jiāng Family Bashing, Jiāng Family Critical, POV NHS, Dark NHS, Anal Sex, Marathon Sex, Dual Cultivation, Qīnghéng-jūn Lives, LWJ Has a Big Dick, WWX Self-Lubricates, Plot Twists, Porn With Plot, Scheming NHS, Manipulative NHS, BAMF LWJ, BAMF WWX) Dark!LWJ time travels & sets out to ensure WWX has a happy life
A Narrow Bridge by FrameofMind, Jo Lasalle (Jo_Lasalle) (E, 700k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Canon Divergence, Slow Burn, Getting Together, First Time, Pining while fucking, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Angst with a Happy Ending, CQL Verse, almost everybody lives/almost nobody dies, epistolary-ish, canon-ish side pairings, radishes) LWJ time travels. Features an interesting price for the second chance
💖 With Surgical Precision by metisket (T, 20k, WQ & WN, WQ & WWX, WangXian, Time Travel, Families of Choice, sibling bonding through murder) WQ time travels
💖 Lessons relearned by Iamnotawriter (T, 44k, WangXian, LQR & WWX, Not Madam Yu Friendly, Time Travel Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Inventor WWX, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, No Golden Core Transfer, YZY Bashing) LQR time travels
Never Again by Hauntcats (T, 67k, WWX & WN & WQ, JC & WWX, wangxian, graphic depictions of violence, major character death, Canon Divergence, Angst, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, Time Travel Fix-It, Not JC Friendly, Dark, BAMF WWX, mentions of abuse, Not Everyone Dies au, XY doesn’t have a happy ending) Technically WWX does time travel in this, but only after WQ does
Regrets by antebunny (G, 38k, wangxian, miscommunication, misundersandings, time travel fix-it, temporary character death, angst w/ happy ending, fluff, hurt/comfort) Both LWJ & WWX time travel
The Wild Geese’s Tomb by The Feels Whale (miscellea) (T, 66k, WangXian, Time Travel AU, fixit, Temporary Character Death) several people time travel, including WWX, but it's LWJ pov
somehow, someway, we all get to someday by Stratisphyre (T, 76k, CSSR/LQR/WCZ, LQR & Madam Lan, LQR & CSSR, wangxian, JYL & LXC, Madam Lan/OFC, Canon Divergence, Role Reversal, Canon-Typical Violence, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Parenthood, Not Everyone Dies AU, Threesome - F/M/M, Family Feels, Not JFM Friendly, Not Lan Sect Friendly, past emotional abuse, Demisexual Character, Inclusive discussions of reproductive rights) it's lqr who goes back
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6. Hii! For the next itmf, do you guys have any f1 recs? Thank you!
Set the pace by Lunarieen (T, 20k, WangXian, Modern AU, Coffee Shops & Cafés, Sports, Getting Together, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, mentions of an accident (nothing graphic), 5+1 Things, Light Angst, Slow Burn, Formula 1)
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7. For the next intmf could you do any of your favourite there was only one bed or fake dating fics?
Just the best pining from both sides and the angst of lying in bed next to the boy you like!
The Simplest Way Forward by harriet_vane (E, 70k, WangXian, Modern AU, Accidental Baby Acquisition,Kid Fic, explicit in much much later chapters, green card marriage (but not really), pining for your own husband, endless pining, Slow Burn, Happy Ending, Nothing else bad or traumatic happens to the baby, [Podfic of] The Simplest Way Forward by knight_tracer)
You, Asleep and Dreaming by etymologyplayground (M, 9k, WangXian, LWJ POV, 5+1 Things, Literal Sleeping Together, Sharing a Bed, Cuddling & Snuggling, Intimacy, Getting Together, Fluff, Post-Canon, Undressing, wwx's 'angry lwj' kink)
abort retry fail by aroceu (E, 21k, wangxian, amnesia, married WX, internalized homophobia, handholding, smut, canon-typical kink, fluff & humor, SBWY)
Always Knew You Were Magical by jeyhawk (E, 25k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Curse Breaking, Case Fic, Sharing a Bed, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Pining, Resolved Sexual Tension, Masturbation, First Time, Blow Jobs, curse fic, College/University, True Love's Kiss, Attempted self harm under the influence of a curse)
the moon lives in the lining of your skin by sarahyyy (M, 9k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Friends With Benefits, Misunderstandings, Oblivious, Pining, Mutual Pining, Love Confessions, Sharing a Bed, Roommates)
cut through the clouds, break the ceiling by tardigradeschool (G, 2k, WangXian, Modern AU, Love Confessions, Drunken Confessions, Sharing a Bed, Pining, Fluff)
call me home and I'll build you a throne by ana_cp (E, 51k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Post-CQL, Canon Compliant, Cloud Recesses, Getting Together, Developing Relationship, Gūsū Lán Juniors Dynamics, Touch-Starved, Non-Sexual Intimacy, ... and then Sexual Intimacy, Nightmares, Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, WWX Has a New Golden Core, Farmer WWX, Chief Cultivator LWJ, Mutual Pining, Communication, Quietly Falling Into a Married Life, Light Angst, (because they don't think they deserve each other), Wholesome, POV LWJ, POV WWX, Sharing a Bed, WWX's Birthday, Semi-Public Sex, Inventor WWX, Jealous WWX)
The answer has always been yes by Magnolia822 (E, 6k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Friends to Lovers, Pining, Sharing a Bed, Bisexual Male Character, Frottage, Sexual Tension, Unsafe Sex, Getting Together, There Was Only One Bed)
End Racism on the OTW - Adventures in Pet Sitting by raitala (E, 63k, WangXian, background NieLan, Modern AU, Mild Hurt/Comfort, obscure animal facts, Artist WWX, Maths Nerd LWJ, POV LWJ, comphet lwj, Self-Realisation, Coming Out, London, Sharing a Bed, Exploring Sexuality, Mutual Pining, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Masturbation, Light Dom/sub, Oral Sex, Frottage)
🔒 tuck me in by belovedmuerto (T, 4k, WangXian, bed sharing, Hurt/Comfort, mostly comfort, Pre-Slash, Getting Together, Nightmares, expressions of care)
Out of the Bin and Into Your Heart by Alaceron (T, 27k, WangXian, Modern AU, Fake/Pretend relationship, Oblivious WWX)
❤️ save a sword, ride a socialist by sysrae (E, 33k, wangxian, modern w magic, college/university au, fake/pretend relationship, single parent WWX, homophobia, light angst w/ happy ending, idiots to lovers, fluff)
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8. A more severely autistic lan wangji? With Wangxian, explorations of ableism,
My Boy Builds Coffins by enbysaurus_rex (Not Rated, 48k, WangXian, Coffin Maker AU, YL WWX, Location: Yílíng, LWJ builds coffins, Autistic LWJ, falling in love over a coffin, Hurt WWX, Mutual Pining, LWJ Has Feelings, Deathscapes, Death as a bittersweet community thing, accidental ecofiction, Farmer LWJ)
a new kind of silence by deliciousblizzardshark (E, 11k, WangXian, Modern AU, Autistic LWJ, Communication Disorder, Trans LWJ, Protective WWX, Pregnant LWJ, Panic Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Getting Together, Oral Sex, Vaginal Sex, Soft WangXian, POV WWX)
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9. hi hiii i’ve looked through your omegaverse recs, but i’m specifically trying to find fics where wwx and lwj were both alphas pre death, but wwx became an omega when he woke up in mxy’s body. do you have any like that?
You've got me feelin' like a child now by MaggieoftheOwls (E, 9k, wangxian, A/B/O, Alpha LWJ, Past Alpha WWX, Omega MXY, not that Wangxian realize at first)
March 31st by Midshipsman (E, 3k, wangxian, A/B/O, Alpha LWJ, Alpha WWX, Omega MXY, Gender Dysphoria, Body Dysphoria, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Biting, Oral Knotting, Top WWX, Switching (kinda), Loving acceptance of your partner's needs, Trans Male Character, Light BDSM)
Tilted by BadPennyGirl, thedawnwall (M, 24k, wangxian, A/B/O, Alpha WWX, Alpha LWJ, Omega MXY, Gender Dysphoria, Sexual Tension, No Sex, Just a lot of thirsting, Canon-Typical Gender Stereotypes, Getting Together, WN is the Best Brother, Cuddling & Snuggling, Spooning, Masturbation, JC Tries, JC is So Done, Omega WN)
( Five to Seven Days by Unforth (E, 5k, wangxian, A/B/O, Canon Divergence, Vers LWJ, Bottom LWJ, Vers WWX, Top WWX, WWX in MXY's Body, Omega WWX, Alpha MXY, Alpha LWJ, Knotting, Rutting, Body Dysphoria, WWX is Kind Of Presentation Queer, Overstimulation, Multiple Orgasms, Explicit Consent) and the opposite, formerly omega!wwx is now in alpha!mxy's body )
Smoke by TenyaTrash (E, 298k, WangXian, ZhuiLing, NieLan, Drama & Romance, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Mutual Pining, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha LWJ, Beta LXC, Alpha Turned Omega WWX, Lost Love, Omega LSZ, Beta JL, Alpha JC, Omega NHS, Sharing Body Heat, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Denial of Feelings, Scenting, Scent Marking, Primarily CQL with elements of novel thrown in, Sibling Bonding, Courting Rituals, Marriage Proposal, Protective JC, Yunmeng Brothers Reconciliation, Versatile wangxian, Married Life, Enthusiastic Consent, Family Bonding, supportive families, Divergent Omegaverse, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics)
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10. ITMF longform college au fics! slowburn and preestablished friendship preferred. bonus if there's nightmare hurt/comfort or sickfic elements, i just like when they take care of each other :) thanks!! @monstergreentea
and here comes the summertime by ribena (M, 72k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Academia, this is set in America, Enemies to Lovers, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Slice of Life, Humor, Light Angst, Falling In Love, Found Family)
mating rituals by detectorist (E, 16k, WangXian, XuanLi, Modern AU, College/University, Humour, Pining, Getting Together, Idiots in Love)
💖 Pentimento. by orange_crushed (E, 73k, wangxian, modern, college/university au, art conservation, museums, pining, not actually unrequited love, angst w/ happy ending, misunderstandings, smut, major character injury, hospitalization, hurt/comfort, past incarceration, forgery) kind of? lots of college flashbacks?
Walk the Circle in the Other Direction by notevenyou (E, 31k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, High School, Coming Out, Homophobia, Bad Parenting, Alcohol, Recreational Drug Use, Vomiting, Panic Attack, Bullying, Minor Injuries, Blood, Fighting, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Oblivious WWX, honestly not as dark as the tags make it seem, bisexual wwx, WWX/MM, sex between a man and a woman)
Falling Headlong by floraidh (T, 35k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, skater au, First Meetings, First Kiss, Getting Together, autistic lwj)
Only Fools Rush In by justpeace (M, 22k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Bisexual Disaster WWX, Asian-American Character, Banter, Flirting, Fluff and Humor, Getting Together)
But really, why? by Scrippio (T, 52k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University)
take me home (where i belong) by scarletwanlian (E, 153k, WangXian, Modern AU, Slice of Life, PTSD, Trauma, Dissociation, Music, Strangers to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Recovery, Injury Recovery, mental recovery, Mental Health Issues, Non-Sexual Intimacy, AND sexual intimacy, Literal Sleeping Together, First Time, Families of Choice, Car Accidents, Found Family, Flashbacks, Nightmares, gore elements somewhat, descriptions can get a bit gorey at times, Eventual Happy Ending, Sad with a Happy Ending, Healing, Character Study, Grief/Mourning, Survivor Guilt, Whump)
like blue flame over my fingertips by tangerinechar (T, 37k, WangXian, College/University, Mutual Pining, 5+1 Things, Food as a Metaphor for Love, lwj and jzx being reluctant bros)
🔒you are safe / loved / worthy / enough by everythingispoetry (T, 150k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Social Media, Mental Health Issues, Healing, self-care, Anxiety, Hurt/Comfort, the mortifying ordeal of self-acceptance, Falling In Love, Depression, Slow Burn)
(Planning the Day) To Meet You by Bettydice (E, 61k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Pining, Mutual Pining, WWX raises A-Yuàn, minimum angst, MAXIMUM GAY, Self-indulgent fluff, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut, POV LWJ, Happy Ending, Getting Together, Falling In Love, Masturbation, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Anal Sex, Intercrural Sex)
Stumbling Into You by Magnolia822 (E, 39k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Getting Together, Friends to Lovers, Practice Kissing, Bisexuality, Coming Out, New York City, Denial of Feelings, Mutual Pining, Hand Jobs, Jealousy, Light Angst, Fluff and Smut, Slow Burn, Past WWX/MM, Underage Drinking, Recreational Drug Use, Family Dynamics, Falling In Love, Found Family, Unsafe Sex, Minor Character Death, Grief/Mourning)
❤️ the best of you by sysrae (E, 41k, WangXian, XuanLi, Modern AU, College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Getting Together, slightly undernegotiated kink, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, JFM and Madam Yu's A+ parenting, Dysfunctional Family, Mental Health Issues, the most tender of railings, Reference to animal attacks/animal cruelty, descriptions of past violence)
🔒some impulse of delight by handclaps (E, 20k, WangXian, Modern AU, First Time, Light Bondage)
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11. I want wangxian fics like the web series "TRANSPLANT" , it's an hospital story, about a doc, Hamed who came from a war background? He has got ultra instincts, a gifted doc, a nice kind person. He was a patient in the hospital and 2 weeks later he joined in as the doc there. The story is nice.
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12. Fics where
A) wwx and/or lwj is a biker?
B) wx like to dance together like in a lazy afternoon, or after a soft beautiful date, or on their wedding day, or when a yuan is baby talking.
12B)
Across the street to another life by danegen (M, 99k, WangXian, Modern AU, unleashed au, Family Fluff, Set in America, Hurt/Comfort, Past Child Abuse, Addiction, Crime, Amnesia, Ableist Language, another fridged mother, POV Alternating, past wwx/ofc, past wwx/omc, Medium parent YZY, A-Yuan is wwx’s biological son, Musicians, Happy Ending) this fic is mostly very angsty but there is one very cute wangxian dancing scene. Good fic though
For Once In My Life by Selenay (M, 7k, wangxian, Modern, Dance AU, Strictly Come Dancing Fusion, Dancer WWX, Violinist LWJ, Ballroom Dancing, Established Relationship, Romantic Fluff, the inherent sexiness of being lovingly cared for, Podfic Available) might like For Once in My Life; It's a sequel to a longer fic (also great!) where wangxian are dance partners on a reality show, but this part is mostly about them practising a dance together at home, so it could fit the request.
Just Ask Me To Stay by mrcformoso (M, 21k, wangxian, Former JZn/WWX, Minor LXC/NMJ, Minor JYL/JZX, Modern, Dancer WWX, Musician LWJ, Roommates, Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, Break Up, Post-Break Up, Recovery, Family, Realizing Your Best Friend is the Love of Your Life, WWX Has Self-Esteem Issues, And LWJ is not having it, Sex as Self Worth Reaffirmation, Fluff, Light Angst, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Oral Sex, Domestic Fluff, LWJ Has a Big Dick, WWX Has a Breeding Kink, Size Queen WWX, Belly Bulge, Porn With Plot, WWX Has Friends, LWJ Has Friends, Hurt/Comfort, Romantic Comedy, Cute, Feel-good) WWX is a dancer and he dances on good days and LWJ dances with him.
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13. for the next ITMF,
a) (wangxian's or any) future child/ren time travel in the past
b) boashan sanren is present/involved in the storyline (like she went down her mountain, being with wwx, or any)
c) secretly married wangxian (pref. modern)
thankyouuuuuu!!!
13A)
Time, Time, Time by skeletonofaplant (G, 44k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, LSZ & WWX, JYL & JL & JZX, LJY & LSZ, Time Travel Fix-It, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Identity Porn, Identity Reveal, Angst, Fluff, Junior Quartet Dynamics, Time Travelling Junior Ensemble, Junior Ensemble Shenanigans, Humor) link in #5 Also works for this request as LSZ time travels
Baby Of Mine by pupeez4eva (G, 3k, wangxian, time travel, humor, canon divergence, everyone lives, gusu school days, family)
Ardent Desires by crestre (Not rated, 6k, wangxian, Time Travel, Canon Divergence, A/B/O, Fluff, Attempt at Humor, Mpreg, Fix-It of Sorts)
13B)
Become Tomorrow by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 39k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, WWX is BSSR’s disciple) WWX is BSSR's disciple
Can't Tell Me Nothin by natacup82 (T, 35k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Everybody Lives, Family Feels, Communication, BAMF Women)
Ghosts Shouldn’t by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 15k, WangXian, Grief/Mourning, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending)
13C)
Love Me Just A Little by mostlynonsense (travelingpsycho) (T, 16k, WangXian, Modern, Family Feels, Fake Dating (But Married), Happy Ending, Established Relationship)
Me and my husband (we are doing better) by like_a_bird_that_flew (G, 5k, WangXian, Modern AU, Yanli's POV, Fluff, Coming Out, Family Feels, Light Angst, Attempt at Humor, Established Relationship, Unresolved Emotional Tension, It's mostly super fluffy though dw, Family, Romance) secret marriage
Here everyone knows you're the way to my heart by like_a_bird_that_flew (T, 4k, WangXian, Modern AU, Coming Out, Angst and Humor, Mostly chill though, Family Feels, POV Alternating, Established Relationship) secret relationship (not married yet)
~*~
14. Hello, would you be a dear and suggest me some fics? I'm in the mood for fics where there's little wwx and little lwj, but especially little wwx being adorably cute and getting a lot of love. Even more lovelier if little lwj got interested in little wwx early on. Basically I want kiddos wwx & lwj. Thank you very much and have a nice day, dearest.
Noodle-Xian and Fluff-Ji Series by meyari (G, 10k, WangXian, JFM/YZY, Kid Fic, Shifter, Fluff, Dragon WWX, Bunny LWJ, bunny lwj, Shifter AU, dragon wwx, Discussion of Serious Injury, discussion of curses) Also very fluffy (literally and figuratively) with animal transformation
#FreePalestine | a birthday treat! by gentil-minou (Flyingsuits) (G, 7k, wangxian, Pre-Canon, Canon Compliant, Different First Meeting, Kid Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, WWX's Birthday, Birthday Fluff, Friendship, Childhood Friends, Street Kid WWX, i wish there was a tag for fluffy angst:, you'll want to laugh and squeal through the tears at the same time, i would give the entire world for little a-ying i swear it, LWJ was born ready to care for and feed and nurture and love WWX)
a hop, skip, and a jump to you by gentil-minou (Flyingsuits) (G, 6k, wangxian, Magic AU, Witches, Shapeshifting, Rabbit LWJ, Rabbit WWX, Fluff, Childhood Friends, Just two bunny boys growing and learning together and being just so gosh darn cute, Tooth-Rotting Fluff)
~*~
15. I’m in the mood for a fic with a Wangxian marriage gone wrong. Like Wangxian is perfectly happy but the cultivation world is not and try to kill them about it. @apparently-i-am-an-adult
Concord by Deastar (T, 41k, WangXian, Arranged Marriage, Gūsū Lán Sect Rules, Depression, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending)
~*~
16. Hello and thank you as always to the incredible mods and hive mind community of Wangxian Fic Finder! I've got an ITMF request:
With Wei Wuxian being the undeniable powerhouse of the Sunshot Campaign, it makes sense that Wen Ruohan would make an effort to take him off the board, one way or another. ITMF fics where Wei Wuxian is targeted by the Wens during Sunshot: he's lured into a trap on the battlefield, targeted by an assassin in camp, an attempted kidnapping, whatever. (No Jiang sibling bashing please). Excited for the recommendations! @flamingwell
~*~
17. hiii! itmf for possessive lan wangji? thank you!
A Matter of Time series by mrcformoso (E, 70 k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, POV LWJ, POV JC, Dark LWJ, Manipulation, Grooming, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Consensual Underage Sex, Except problematic please read warning in first chapter, Blood and Violence, Insane LWJ, Manic LWJ, Conditioning, WWX is a Lán, Minor Character Death, Confused JC, Golden Core Reveal, Good Friend NHS, WWX Isn’t Adopted by the Jiāngs, Abusive Jiāng Family, Jiāng Family Bashing, Jiāng Family Critical, POV NHS, Dark NHS, Anal Sex, Marathon Sex, Dual Cultivation, Qīnghéng-jūn Lives, LWJ Has a Big Dick, WWX Self-Lubricates, Plot Twists, Porn With Plot, Scheming NHS, Manipulative NHS, BAMF LWJ, BAMF WWX) link in #5 Also works for this as LWJ is about as possessive as you can get
🧡 Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 712k, WangXian, WIP, Fix-it of sorts, Talisman master WWX, Not JFM Friendly, Study Arc, Getting together, Fluff and Angst, Engagement) LWJ is pretty possessive in this
That Time Wei Wuxian Fell In Love With His First Officer And Didn't Even Realize by seungchxn (E, 9k, WangXian, Star Trek Fusion, Captain WWX, First Officer LWJ, Vulcan Mind Melds, Vulcan Kisses, Fluff and Smut, Eventual Smut, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Hand Jobs, Hand & Finger Kink, Alien Biology, Mind Meld, Mutual Pining, First Time, First Kiss, Falling In Love, True Love, Soulmates, Accidental Marriage, Unrequited Love, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Oblivious WWX, WWX is a Little Shit, WWX is Bad at Feelings, Possessive LWJ, LWJ is Whipped, LWJ is a Panicked Gay, The Inherent Eroticism of Holding Hands)
Teacher's Pet by anobtra by (animeobsessedtrash) (E, 43k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Age Difference, Professor WWX, Student LWJ, Degradation, mild stalking, thigh riding, WWX Talks Dirty, Frottage, Mutual Masturbation, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Bottom LWJ, Top WWX, Coming Untouched, Orgasm Delay/Denial, LWJ is a Brat, Consent is Sexy, Begging, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Exhibitionism, Voyeurism, Teasing, Hair-pulling, Semi-Public Sex, Masturbation, Consensual Sex, Rough Sex, Dry Humping, everyone is of-age, Barebacking, Possessive Behavior ,Porn With Plot, Jerk Off Instructions, Service Top WWX, just a lil bit Protective LWJ, Pining LWJ, Light Humiliation, Possessive WWX, Bottom LWJ/Top WWX, Possessive LWJ, Intercrural Sex) pls mind tags!
Howling for You by Runningbarefoot (E, 8k, WangXian, Fluff and Smut, dragon lwj, fox wwx, Possessive LWJ, Dom/sub Undertones, Fantasy, Biting, Anal Sex, horny wangxian, not really explicit I'm just playing it safe, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, kidnapped WWX, Happy Ending, Attempt at Humor, Twitter threadfic, Porn With Plot, dramatic declarations of love, shameless wwx, Light-Hearted)
These Mortal Treasures by ChilianXianzi (T, 9k, WangXian, Fantasy, Canon Divergence, Dragon LWJ, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Possessive LWJ, Domestic Fluff, implied eggpreg, Dragonji's hoard is 1 (one) weiying, The Cultivation World's canonical fuckery, eggyuan!, Gift Giving)
~*~
If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***
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Gorgeous
Pairing: Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x fem!reader
Summary: Everyone goes to the bar to celebrate your night off before training starts tomorrow and Hangman get's a little too much. Needless to say, protective Bradley is pretty fucking hot (contains smut).
Doesn't necessarily contain any spoilers for Top Gun, but if you don't want any type of spoilers, it's probably best not to read on :)
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He intertwines his fingers with yours, and the feeling of his skin against yours is enough to calm the butterflies in your stomach. It's not easy for either of you to be walking back into this place, but you were handpicked for this mission. That's not something you ignore. Besides, part of you feel like coming home.
"Ready?" he asks, and you nod. The bar is already full, but most turn around to see the final two pilots arrive. Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw's reputation definitely proceeds him, and you're happy to let him have the spotlight.
"Don't let go of my hand," he whispers and you squeeze his hand gently to let him know that you're right there next to him.
"Well, well, well. As I live and breathe," Jake smirks. He looks at your intertwined fingers before looking up at you.
"You really have scraped the bottom since last," he remarks. Everyone gets busy with the pool game as Jake walks up to you and Bradley. Last time you were here, you came here with Jake. A fact none of you have forgotten.
"Gee. 10 seconds before you turned into a right asshole. Must be a new record for you." It's safe to say there's no lost love between you and Hangman.
"Rooster," he says instead of rising to your comment.
"Hangman. You look good." His grip on your hand tightens but he keeps his face neutral. Nobody wants an argument on the last free night before your mission.
"I'm very good, Rooster. Wish I could say the same about you." He returns to the game, giving you and Bradley a chance to take some deep breaths.
"I need a drink," you state, moving towards the bar. Bradley stays put when Phoenix comes over. You give her a grin before disappearing into the crowd of people. Minutes later you're back with a round of beer for everyone. You deserve it before things get serious tomorrow, besides some old guy at the bar had broken one of Penny's rules, so it's on him.
"So, Y/N. I heard you tanked your last mission. Had to get demoted to the spare team." Already, you're starting to regret that you even showed up tonight. Jake hasn't changed one bit. You're thankful when Bradley's hand finds yours again to let you know that he won't intervene but he's right there.
"And I heard you still weep over me at night," you say with a sweet and very fake smile. It's the wrong thing to say. You know that instantly because everything in his face reveals how he goes from uncomfortable teasing to downright cruel.
"Maybe we should introductions out the way, huh? Coyote, I'd love to hear how you got your name," Phoenix tries to diffuse the tension but the damage has already been done.
"No no, it's fine. She's right. I do weep at night because even I have to admit that you were the best shag I've ever had," he starts, and you feel Bradley go rigid next to you. Jake notices it too and it only makes his smile wider.
"Rooster, I don't doubt you already know this because we both know she gives it up quite easily—"
"Another word out of your mouth, and I will make sure you'll be carried out of here by paramedics." He isn't shouting, he hasn't even stepped closer to Jake, but there's no doubt that he's very serious. You look up at his face, and you've never seen him this angry before. His entire body is tense, and you just know it's taking everything in him to keep himself from throwing himself at Jake.
"You know, I'd be scared if I didn't know your reputation as a pilot, Rooster." Jake is still smiling as he steps closer to Bradley. It's a big mistake, and everyone knows it. You spot Coyote and Payback move closer too - probably to step in when these two start throwing punches.
"At least I care about my teammates enough to not leave them behind," Bradley counters as he releases your hand and steps in front of you.
"Shit," you breathe. This is about to kick off.
"Boys... No fighting in here." Penny is watching the whole scene unfold, and you feel relief hit you like a brick. They're not dumb enough to continue when Penny is standing right there.
"We were just leaving, Penny." You offer her a quick smile before grabbing Bradley's hand and pulling him through the crowd. You force yourself not to look at Jake who's definitely watching you leave with a smirk. Thankfully, the cold air outside seems to help Bradley calm down because he turns to you and says: "I'm sorry. I know you can handle yourself but the things he was saying. No man should speak about a woman like tha—" You wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him. Now that you're not worried about a potential fight, you can't ignore just how fucking hot Bradley looked in there.
"You are ridiculously hot. I don't think I've ever been more attracted to you than I was in there," you say when you finally break apart. You're breathing heavily but you want more. You want all of him right now.
"That was hot? I thought I totally ruined feminism by acting like a caveman and not letting you handle him yourself," he chuckles. You grab him by the collar and drag him with you to the side of the bar with no windows. You push him up against the wall and places a hand between his legs to cup his bulge.
"Listen, I can handle Jake anytime, but you being protective is just... God, it's sexy." You kiss him again and feel his body respond to your touch, which just turns you on even more. Both his hands cup your cheeks as he kisses you back. When he gently bites your lip, you're about ready to swoon.
"We should go somewhere more private," he whispers as a drunk man stumbles out the bar. You're hidden in the shadows but you know it's much better to go back to your room.
"Let's go," you say and drag him with you.
The walk back takes a lot longer than it should because you just can't keep your hands off each other. Every two seconds, you stop just to feel each other. You can hardly describe how good it feels when his body is pressed against yours. When you finally return, your cheeks are burning from anticipation. You've already unbuttoned his shirt by the time you hear the soft click of the door closing. It is not fair for any man to look like this.
"The things I want to do to you," you note as you look at your incredibly gorgeous boyfriend.
"Tell me," he breathes, eyes full of desire. You lean up and whisper things that would make most people blush, but he isn't blushing. In fact, he's looking at you and dares you to do just that. To do as you please with him, and you're more than happy to comply.
"Lie down on the bed." You wet your lips as you watch him lie down on the bed completely at your command. It's so different from how he is normally, but it gives you flutters in your stomach. You crawl on top of him and unzip his pants. You want to take it slow and drive him crazy, but you realise quickly that you can't wait. You want to feel him inside of you.
"I'm going to ride you," you say out loud and lock eyes with him. You bite down on your lower lip as you watch him struggle to lay still. In a matter of moments, you're both naked and very ready. For just a brief second, you hover on top of him, but it's not nearly enough for any of you.
"Please." One single word and it does so many things to you that you're not even remotely coherent enough to analyze. Your hands lean on his muscular chest as you start moving up and down. The lamp on the night shade is bathing Bradley in a soft, golden light, and you feel speechlees at the sight. Small beads of sweat are resting on his forehead, and you just might come right then and there.
"That's it," he moans and brings up his hands to your waist to help set the pace. When he sits up with you on top, you feel everything tighten as you come the first time.
"One more," he breathes, and you can do nothing but obey. The second orgasm hits you just as he finishes. You're both sweaty and panting when he wraps his strong arms around your waist and holds you in place as he gets up from the bed and carries you to the bathroom.
"Better clean up before we go to bed," he says, carefully lifting you up and off him. The emptiness hits you but it isn't long until Bradley has got the warm water running and falls to his knees in the shower. You don't have to be told when you spread your legs to give him access.
"You're so beautiful," he whispers against your inner thigh as he places little kisses up your thigh. Your hands find his hair, and you pull slightly as he reaches the spot. Your legs grow weak as you squeeze your eyes shut. He directs one of your legs over his shoulder for better access, and you're absolutely done for.
"Bradley," you gasp and grip his hair tightly. He groans and you feel the vibrations. It's almost too much pleasure at once. By the time, the water turns cold, you're almost too sleepy to stand on your own.
"I love you," he smiles as you cuddle up in bed.
"And I love you, Bradley Bradshaw."
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HELLO AGAIN EVERYONE my tummy aches but im being brave about it and im going to fight the pain with the power of love and friendship (aka im going to thank you for the christmas tree messages)
okay let me be emotional for a moment...
because of the current circumstances at home, this Christmas was very different and much lonelier for me. i did my best not to get the blues and i think it was okay for the most part! now looking back at it, without a doubt, the highlight of my Christmas this year was reading the tree messages. it was very late in the night, i had just finished reading Napo's story event route and i saved the best part for desert, barely containing my excitement to finally read the messages. and i expected just a row of "merry christmas"-es 😭 you know, because, i did that? i kept mine all short and i was just shouting some wishes at you.... BUT NO, YOU OUTDID YOURSELVES IN TURN! WHAT WAS THAT! i was right there sobbing in my bed being all "?????" .... i seriously didn't expect 1) to have so many because i did the tree very last minute 2) to receive such sweet messages...
and then i realized, was my Christmas really all that lonely? because, just 3-4 years ago, i didn't know any of you here. before that i never was more than a lurker in online spaces so... i think that's when i had truly lonely christmases, not now. thank you for being here. i don't deserve you... no im sorry if you hate it when i say that, pretend that i didnt say it ( i lowkey think that) (im sorry im in my low self esteem era these past months)
OKAY SO
thank you person called Bread, thank you Lorei for being the first sob of my sob session, it's all YOUR fault that i got so emotional oh my god im totally dm-ing you after this, thank you irl bestie who not only left me a sweet personal message but also roleplayed my faves for me because i screamed (you heard it), thank you kat for your three messages that made me feel all kind of emotions (im touched that youre willing to write this even if i feel like im going to hate it), THANK YOU NINNI HUGS BACK!, thank you Ally i know it was you. using roy to threaten me with a good time.... smh... MERRY CRIMMY SCUM!!!!, YAY TO YOU TOO, SOLACE!! Thank you aqua, you're right, he's good to me 🥺 just as chev is to you, i believe! THANK YOU DREW im still thinking about it. Thank you Fang, I could say the same and you know it 🥺, THANK YOU DEVON!! Thank you so much Ana, I too hope the same, I'm glad I became your mutual! 🥹 Same goes to you too, Oliver! I'm just always so happy to see new faces around, truth is im a little bit shy with interactions at first because i feel annoying... so thank you for becoming my moot! 🙇🏻‍♀️💗 Thank you, sweet Julie 🥹 THANK YOY MYARA, I CRIED A LITTLE! right back at ya, i think that you're an irreplaceable part of our little space and im just so glad to be here and see everything you do and share with us! hope your 2024 is full of joy both on here and irl ❤ Thank you mimi, i feel the same and you better not forget that! Thank you Michelle, love you too!!! THANK YOU, NAMI! Thank you, Impromptu!!!!! Thank you Nori!!!!!!!!! And thank you sui you're so right as ever. nods.
i think thats all im so sorry if i forgot anyone ALSO im so sorry for doing this. i tried to keep my responses vague in case you wanted these to be extra private... i initially was going to dm all of you but. that was because i thought there were going to be like 10 of you!!! again im sorry. love you all so much im an emotional wreck
i hope you had a good time these past few days and i hope we can all look forward to a great 2024 together 🥺 i'd be nowhere without you
@lorei-writes @yanderepuck @claviscollections @yarnnerdally @scummy-writes @aquagirl1978 @ikemendrew @fang-and-feather @devonares @bicayaya @olivermorningstar @queengiuliettafirstlady @keithsandwich @mimi-but-main @xbalayage @namine-somebodies-nobody @the12thnightproject @mcwentfandomtraveling @leonscape
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carrythatwayt · 2 years
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I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition. (4x01)
You don't think you deserve to be saved... (4x01)
Can I tell you something if you promise not to tell another soul? (4x07)
I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You. (4x16)
For what it's worth, I would give anything not to have you do this. (4x16)
We've been through much together you and I. (4x22)
I'm hunted, I rebelled, and I did it, all of it, for you... (5x02)
So, what, I’m Thelma and you’re Louise and we’re just going to hold hands and sail off this cliff together? (5x03)
I’ll just wait here then. (5x04)
What? I like past you. (5x04)
Don’t ever change. (5x04)
I rebelled for this?! So that you could surrender to them? I gave everything for you. (5x20)
Dean and I do share a more profound bond. (6x03)
I wish circumstances were different. Much of the time I’d rather be here. (6x10)
So I went to an old friend for help. But, watching him, I stopped. Everything he sacrificed and I was about to ask him for more. (6x20)
And the worst part was Dean, trying so hard to be loyal, with every instinct telling him otherwise. (6x20)
I’m doing this for you, Dean. I’m doing this because of you. (6x20)
I was there. Where were you? (6x20)
Dean, I do everything you ask. I always come when you call. (6x21)
Don't make me lose you too. (6x22)
I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you. (7x01)
You just met yourself. I've known you for years. (7x17)
Part of me always believed that you’d come back. (7x17)
I'll go with you. And I'll do my best. (7x23)
I'd rather have you, cursed or not. (7x23)
Cas, we're getting out of here. We're going home. (8x02)
I prayed to you Cas, every night. (8x02)
Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you. Understand? (8x02)
I have a price on my head and I’ve been trying to stay one step ahead of them. To keep them away from you. (8x02)
Cas, buddy, I need you. (8x02)
Cas... we're gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us. (8x05)
...thank you, for everything. (8x07)
Cas...I got you, hold on! (8x07)
...you can't save everyone my friend, though you try. (8x07)
I don't need to feel like hell for failing you, okay? For failing you like I've failed every other godforsaken thing that I care about! I don't need it! (8x07)
I did everything I could to get you out – everything! I did not leave you. (8x07)
Yes, I am with you. (8x07)
I’ll watch over you. (8x08)
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy you're back, I'm thrilled (8x08)
I won't hurt Dean. (8x17)
Cas, fight this! This is not you! Fight it! Cas. I know you're in there. I know you can hear me. Cas… It's me. We’re family. We need you. I need you. (8x17)
Dean, I can go with you. (8x22)
Dean. I'm sorry. For everything. (8x22)
Please man I need you here (9x01)
Cas? Cas!.... Never do that again! (9x03)
Dean, you know I always appreciate our talks, our time together. (9x03)
Nobody wants him here more than I do. (9x04)
Sorry I told you to go. I know it's been hard on you, you know, on your own. Well, you're adapting. I'm proud of you. (9x06)
I came as soon as you called. (9x10)
Cas, you just gave up an entire army for one guy. (9x22)
...everyone you love, they could be long dead. Everyone except me. I’m the one who will have to watch you murder the world. So, if there’s even a small chance that we can save you, I won’t let you walk out of this room. (10x22)
Dean. I don't wanna have to hurt you. (10x22)
No, Dean. Please. (10x22)
It?" It's not an "it," Sam. It's Cas...Cas is family. (11x18)
I could go with you. (11x23)
Morning, sunshine. Some coffee? (12x03)
And Cast—Cas is my best friend. (12x11)
My shy but devastatingly handsome friend. (12x12)
I love you… I love you all. (12x12)
It's a gift, you keep those. (12x19)
And I just wanted, I needed to come back here with a win for you. (12x19)
We’ve lost everything. And now you’re gonna bring him back. Okay? You’re gonna bring back Cas... (13x01)
It’s good to have you back. (13x06)
Cas, you wanna try this angel thing, then go for it. Just don’t get dead again. (13x19)
Dean. You asked "What about this is real?" We are. (15x02)
Cas, I hope you can hear me… that wherever you are, it’s not too late. I should’ve stopped you. You’re my best friend, but I just let you go. ‘Cause it was easier than admitting I was wrong. I… I don’t know why I get so angry. I just know… I know that it’s… i-it’s just always been there. And when things go bad, it just… it comes out. And I can’t… I can’t stop it. No matter how… how bad I want to, I just can’t stop it. And… And I… I forgive you. Of course I forgive you. I’m sorry it took me so long… I’m sorry it took me till now to say it. Cas, I’m… I’m so sorry. Man, I hope you can hear me. I hope you can hear me. (15x09)
You don’t have to say it. I heard your prayer. (15x09)
What my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer because the one thing I want... It's something I know I can't have. But I think I know... I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having, it's in just being. It's in just saying it.
I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're "daddy's blunt instrument." And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you sees it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. (he smiles, crying now) You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean.
I love you. (15x18)
Updated to include more quotes. Due to the deluge of script leaks showing edited or censored destiel dialogue, I decided it would be cathartic to collate the dialogue that did make it on the show. Data crunch: Dialogue spoken only by Cas and Dean. 65 total quotes: 34 Cas (52%), 31 Dean (48%).
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Jesus Christ Superstar Live in Concert (NBC 2018) Breakdown and Review
Quick disclaimer: This is the second version of JCS that I've seen in full. I was introduced to the rock opera through the 1973 movie, and I'm not afraid to say that that is where my bias will always be, especially considering I'm more of a film buff than a theater nerd. However, I am aware that putting a feature-length film and a live recording of a performance on the same level for criticism is unfair, so I'll try to keep the comparisons to a minimum.
With that out of the way, here are my (slightly deranged) thoughts on NBC's JCS Live!
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~Overture~
I can only imagine how hyped JCS enjoyers got while watching this live back in 2018. Not only is the live orchestra doing an amazing job, but the guitar players get their own time to shine on stage! This is so damn cool to see, because the guitar riffs are really what makes the song. When the "Heaven on Their Minds" riff began and we got to see one of the guitarists on stage just going at it, I knew I'd be in for a treat.
I'd like to take a moment to talk about the set design as well. One thing I know to be true about most JCS productions is that the set is almost always bare-bones - but in a meaningful way. The story relies more on the actions and emotions of its characters than the environment, which makes sense as Jesus and his compatriots were not necessarily wealthy. This remains true for this particular production. The staging is really impressive; you're never short of something or someone to look at.
Also... the outfits! I'm a sucker for leather, and this production has no shortage of it. The costumes, while aesthetically pleasing, show how much the ensemble in this play favor rebellion.
I love when casts are as diverse as possible - in ethnicity, skin color, body types, gender presentation, etc. This cast fits the bill, and everyone does a fantastic job in the overture. In fact, the ensemble this cast provides are just amazing in general. You can tell each and every one of them has oodles of experience under their belt. I have no complaints about any of their performances.
I will say, the flashing lights during the more chaotic bits were a bit much for me, but that's more due to my propensity to get overstimulated. Overall, the choices made in this section were top-notch, and I really can't be mad at any of it.
Enter: John Legend.
You know how I was really digging the costuming? Well...
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Look, I understand that most productions have Jesus just looking like a normal ass dude with normal ass clothing, but was the grey shawl really necessary? Whatever, I'm not too put out by it. At least we get to see some John Legend tiddy.
It occurred to me during this part of the play that I am not a fan of live audiences. Once again, my easily overstimulated brain may be to blame, but I found myself wishing for most of the play that the audience would just quiet down. Nevertheless, I'm sure the cast was happy to be so outwardly appreciated.
~Heaven on Their Minds~
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I'm gonna say this once and I won't say it again. THE MARKETING TEAM LEFT BRANDON VICTOR DIXON IN THE GODDAMN DUST. Seriously, every time I came across a video of this production on Youtube, his name was either not in the title, not in the thumbnail, or he was labeled as Tim Minchin. The poor guy is the main fucking character and nobody could be bothered to give him the credit he deserves. I understand that Legend is more famous, but seriously. That just rubs me the wrong way.
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Anyway...
I'm back to loving the costuming. Judas' vest is so cool, and I love the symbolism of his tank being red. Honestly, any Judas in red has my heart immediately.
His performance here is good, but nothing I'm overly impressed by. I can understand wanting to save energy for later performances, though, and I'm definitely not offended by Dixon's singing. He's a bit stilted in his delivery, a little nasally in his vocals, and I sometimes have a hard time believing his performance. Though, I can imagine it's kind of hard to stay in character when you're struggling to be heard above the audience. I mean seriously! When Jesus did the bit where he reached out to the audience, the crowd got so loud that if I didn't know the lyrics to this song by heart I wouldn't know what Dixon was saying. It made me a bit mad, to be honest. I don't know, maybe that in itself is symbolic or some shit.
I do like Dixon's phrasing in some parts, especially when he sing-speaks the line "do you care for your race?" as well his sassy delivery of the titular line. I did not care for the way he sang "how put down we are," but he later totally nailed the original riff on "sour," which is one of my favorite vocal runs of all time. The way he interspersed the bits where he wasn't singing with spoken complaints was cute. He also did a really nice break at the "puh-LEASE" bit.
He really made the song his own. The last twenty seconds gave me chills. Dixon is clearly a very skilled performer, and though there were parts of his performance I didn't love, I overall really enjoyed watching him sing one of my favorite musical numbers.
One last thing about this part: I don't really like how Judas is singing directly to Jesus. A big part of Judas' characterization is that he is a sort of outcast-loner type, and his relationship with Jesus fails mainly because both men fail to communicate effectively. When Judas is literally expressing his concerns directly to Jesus, and Jesus outright ignores him, it makes Jesus come across as an unresponsive dick. Again, this is the first theater JCS I've seen, so I'm not sure how much of this is written in stone as part of the Broadway production. Instead of doing the right thing and researching that, I'm just going to judge the play based on how I initially responded to it.
~What's the Buzz / Strange Thing Mystifying~
I'm not sure if this is a constant in most JCS productions, but "What's the Buzz" feels too slow to me. It's a bit jumpier in the '73 version, but that may be because they were recording it in a studio rather than in front of a live audience. I will say, there's not much room for breathing in this song. Once again, though, the ensemble is doing a banger job.
I came into this not really having a strong opinion on John Legend. I really only know the one song from him ("All of Me," obviously). I've heard people criticize his performance in this, and while I'd much prefer a rock singer or seasoned Broadway performer in this role, I can't say I'm too offended by his casting. He's more focused on his voice than his acting. When it comes to musical theater, each line should be treated as its own and should portray a slightly different emotional tone. With Legend, all his lines kind of sound the same and seem to hold the same level of importance. He's also not very good at the kind of talk-singing that is usually present in this role. But, I can't deny that he sounds pretty damn good. I especially liked how he sang "Mary, oooh, that is good." Very sexy indeed.
Speaking of Mary! Who doesn't love Sara Bareilles? (No seriously, who? I just wanna talk...) I really really really love her dress, and her voice is just lovely. Very soothing and unassuming.
When Judas comes in for "Strange Thing Mystifying," he is once again portraying the perfect amount of sass and shade. I really missed the "hey cool it man :(" line from Simon, though. It's so adorable in the '73 JCS.
I really liked Legend's staccato "Who. Are. You." parts! Whoever made the decision to direct him like that knew what they were doing.
All around, there was more singing than acting going on from the main cast. In my opinion, this makes the characterization kind of weak, but it doesn't make the songs unenjoyable.
Also, I love the choreography here! Especially when they sing "when do we ride into Jerusalem?" Still can't top the '73 choreo for me, but that's a very high bar.
~Everything's Alright~
While I absolutely adore Sara Bareilles' voice, I wish she enunciated a bit more for this song, but that's just a personal preference. Her singing and her entire vibe is just so calming and gorgeous, and her runs are spot-on. Then we get to the little Judas and Jesus interaction.
In the original movie, this is the scene that made me realize, "Wow. These men really love each other." Every scene with Carl Anderson and Ted Neely is just so emotionally intense that it's impossible to look away. That is not really the case with Legend and Dixon.
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Though they both sound good (for the most part), the desperation and emotional overflow is just not there. And I say for the most part because both Dixon and Legend struggle a bit with the higher notes. Dixon went for the belt, but was a bit flat. Legend opted to sing "when I'm gone" with a poorly sung falsetto, and it just. Does not fit. Whatsoever. It was a weak performance of a line that is meant to be fraught with emotion.
Also, by the end of the song, I'm pretty sure the point is supposed to be that despite Mary's careful ministrations, Jesus is still stressed and upset. But here? Nah, Jesus is just snoozin'.
Despite J and J's subpar deliveries, I enjoyed this song even if just for how Mary was presented.
~This Jesus Must Die~
Norm Lewis! I! Don't really... have a pre-formed opinion on him. So many people seem to, but I just haven't been involved in theater for so long that I'm a bit out of the loop.
Nonetheless, he is a wonderful performer. His vibrato is liquid gold. However, I was under the impression that Caiaphas is a role usually played by bass singers. Lewis is very clearly a baritone. I'm not sure I'm too happy with this choice, especially since he seems to struggle a bit with the lower notes. It's not nearly as noticeable as Legend's struggle with high notes, but I really wish we got to have a beautiful, gravelly bass voice in this role. Even without the inhumanly low tones, Lewis manages to make this role just as intimidating as it should be.
Jin Ha does a good job as Annas. I don't have much to say about his performance.
What I find particularly funny about this part is that you can tell who the stage performers are. Legend is a singer. He sings. These priests that have like, two lines each? They're PERFORMERS. They are taking their fifteen seconds of fame and milking them as much as possible, and I respect the hell out of it because it makes for some very enjoyable performances. The "What then to do about this Jesusmania?" guy killed it.
I love the costuming here as well - very cool geometric designs on the jackets.
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Though I would love to say I fancied this version of the song, they didn't include the "Jesus is cool" line. And for that, this is my least favorite song in the production. (/j)
~Hosanna~
I don't have a whole lot to say about this one. It was good! Just a few little tidbits:
-Legend starting a crowd clap was cute
-This song works really well for Legend cause it's right in his register and he doesn't have to reach for any super high notes
-The key change is super cool! I LOVE Legend's runs during this part as well
-The last part where they all sing "SUPERSTAAAAR" was awesome and I can imagine them using that for a lot of cable advertisements
~Simon Zealotes / Poor Jerusalem~
First of all: Simon's cute as hell! Look at his lil' hair!
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I just love when this role is played as the most energetic, chaotic, batshit insane guy you've ever seen. And I cannot express how delighted I am to see a role in this play being done by a rock singer! Erik Grönwell's performance here is my favorite out of anyone in this play so far. His belts are out of this world.
The ensemble can't be discounted here either, 'cause they sound freaking amazing. But I've already expressed my love for them.
Surprisingly, Legend's falsetto actually works well for "Poor Jerusalem." It makes sense, though, as this part is meant to be a bit gentler and more downtrodden. He sounds really nice.
Side note: when did they change the "but you close your eyes" line to "but you live a lie?" Is that just for this version or was it changed previously? I feel like it doesn't really add anything.
~Pilate's Dream~
Not much to say here either, it's a pretty short song. I will say I really like Pilate's outfit. The colors are reminiscent of '73 version, which is an immediate like from me. I also like how Pilate looked straight into the camera at the end of the song. Pretty impactful even if I know for a fact they went to commercial break right after that.
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~The Temple~
Okay. I'd die for these guitarists. I love whenever they're on stage! They're killing it!
Anyway, I found it pretty funny that the temple-goers just started dumping glitter on the ground. I wrote in my notes "Slay ig," so, slay ig.
It's pretty cool too how the "temple" is literally just a huge cross on the ground. The slow movement of the camera makes this a languid realization, which is neat.
Speaking of which, I forgot to mention that the camerawork so far has been really good. I never feel like I'm watching something stagnant, yet I still feel like a part of the audience. Good job, NBC crew.
"My temple should be a house of prayer, but you have made it a den of thieves" is my favorite part of the original movie. It's so undeniably powerful, and Neely's rock-belt is just heavenly to listen to. (He performs it live, too, so I know it isn't just a trick of the recording studio).
Legend's version of this line? Eh, it was alright. It was honestly better than I was expecting. I was really worried he was just gonna sing it the way it was written and go for the falsetto, but he instead chose to stay in his range. He also has an intentional voice break, indicating a bit of emotion, which is nice to see. I don't know why he sings the "get outs" in lowercase; it's just kind of funny.
The lepers sound really good, but when Legend is trying to sing his part over them, I can hardly hear him. What I did hear, though, was like? Really good? Super rock-sounding. Hopefully we hear more of that later...
~I Don't Know How to Love Him~
No notes. She slayed.
Yvonne Elliman supremacy, but Sara Bareilles Mary Magdalene now has a place in my heart. I'm glad I watched this production if just for her, honestly.
~Damned for all Time / Blood Money~
What can I say? The priests are spooky, the lighting is badass, and Norm Lewis is the best singer here.
As far as Judas goes, Dixon is doing exceedingly well for how ridiculously hard this song is to sing. Carl Anderson owns this song in my heart, but Dixon is not disappointing. He makes up for the lack of insane belting by adding his own runs, and it works well. I wrote in my notes that "Brandon actually looks like emotions are happening," so, yeah. Also, the BICEPS! Needless to say, I was enjoying it.
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~The Last Supper~
I forgot why I wrote "Aw, gay apostles" in my notes, but going back to it, I noticed how much hugging kissing was going on between these guys. Can't complain, love a good smooch.
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Mary is also in this scene, which differs from the movie. And she shows her hospitality towards Judas, which is cute. I always wished they had Judas and Mary interact more in the movie.
Legend sounds good at the beginning. Once again, this song is well within his range, and his falsettos don't feel too out of place. However, they didn't put a pause between the "when you eat and drink" line and the "I must be mad" line, which I thought was odd.
When the accusations start flying, Jesus just. Doesn't seem mad. Judas does, and Dixon completely upstages Legend in this scene.
After the apostles sing a second time, and Judas starts dishing out the insults to Jesus, I feel like it should have been more one-on-one and personal. I would've had the apostles move further away or even leave the stage for this part.
Oof. Legend singing "Get out!" in falsetto was just... not good. When the audience clapped for it I cringed so hard.
Let's see if Legend can redeem himself with the next song...
~Gethsemane~
With how bad everyone made it out to be, I was expecting Legend to completely biff it here. But to my surprise, he really stepped it up here, in both terms of singing and acting. Obviously, it was nowhere near as impactful as Gillan or Neely's versions, but I could at least see that Legend was trying. This part made me recognize that he isn't necessarily a bad actor, he just isn't consistent enough in his performance for it to be believable that he is in character.
He displayed some really impressive rock-belting midway through the song, right around where most people usually go for the g5 note. It sounds so gravelly and crisp, and I really wish he used it more during this performance. Additionally, I am very happy that he didn't go for the g5. That part usually makes or breaks the performance, and with Legend I think we know which way the egg was gonna fall.
There were some good choices made here as well as some bad ones. He still did some nasty falsettos in the latter half of the song, which actually made me laugh. Seriously, who convinced him that was okay? I feel like this would have been a well-regarded performance without that.
Overall, I'm impressed. The weak points were weak, but few, and the strong points were really strong. It wasn't nearly as poor as people made it out to be.
~The Arrest~
The kiss was nice and tender. I like the way Jesus hugs Judas afterwards too, that was very sweet. For some reason it sounded like Legend said "Judas, must you betray me with a gay?" which I thought was pretty funny.
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I like how the arrest was framed as a news stint, with reporters and mics and all that. It was also pretty neat how they interspersed the solo lines with ensemble lines.
~Peter's Denial~
Peter was good, but the real standout here was that guy with the phone that sang "But I saw him too, he looked just like you." God DAMN! They went OFF!! Can he play Judas next please?
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~Pilate and Christ~
Pilate is really the one bringing the camp here. He ate this up.
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~King Herod's Song~
Well. What do you want me to say here? It's Alice Cooper. Do you really think I am physically, mentally, or legally capable of criticizing Alice Cooper?
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I'll spare you the fangirling I did in my notes app; just know I, as well as the audience, was very happy to see this man doing his thing.
Also, as a rocker, he actually made this song fit with the rest of the play, which is truly a feat.
(Still not as good as his episode on The Muppets).
~Could we Start Again Please~
Even though I love Sara as Mary, and Peter did a good job as well, I wish they included more ensemble in this song. I feel like it's more impactful that way as it shows that there were still people who believed in Jesus. Still, I'm so glad they decided to keep this song in most JCS productions because it's one of my favorites.
~Judas's Death~
Oh no, he lost the leather vest! I'm not complaining though... 😏
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This is the part where I praise Dixon for his showmanship, 'cause this man just got THROWN and he KEPT SINGING! I found that to be very impressive. Though I will say, the increase in his emotional performance seems to cause his singing to suffer a bit. To be fair, it's an incredibly hard part to sing.
Aside from Jesus going bonkers in the Temple, Judas' reprise of "I Don't Know How to Love Him" is my favorite scene in the original movie. Did Dixon live up to my expectations? Well, considering my expectations were pretty low to begin with, he exceeded them.
This is seriously the best acting I've seen in the whole play. Dixon completely sells his performance. Consider me a proud and satisfied viewer.
Although, quick PSA to the audience. You don't actually have to clap every time a man sings in falsetto, mkay? Thanks <3
~Trial Before Pilate~
This song is notorious for its difficult timing considering it's just talksingtalksingtalk *BUM* talksingtalksingtalk *BUM* for a bit. This Pilate though? Yeah, he nails it. I was really impressed by his performance. Also, when he said "talk to me Jesus Christ," that was the most sexual tension I've seen in a stage play, wow.
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I don't really understand what was going on in the flogging scene, because the ensemble members were just running past him individually, but Legend was selling it. It definitely looked like he was in pain, and the lashes on his back didn't look sloppy or rushed.
Another emotional crux of the play is when Pilate basically yells "DON'T LET ME STOP YOUR GREAT SELF DESTRUCTION!!" I was a little let down by this guy's performance of these lines honestly. However, he was virtually perfect the rest of the time so I can't really be mad.
~Superstar~
THIS. THIS IS IT.
For whatever reason, Dixon just decided to turn the iconic scale up to 1000. The diamond laced fit. The dancing. The footwork. Everything about this performance was absolutely incredible, and I am just ecstatic about it. I mean, the man was full on spinning on the ground while singing. Every run he did now has a permanent residence in my brain. If you decide not to watch this version of JCS, I understand. I don't blame you. But if nothing else, please please PLEASE watch this part on Youtube. You won't regret it.
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In the words of a close friend of mine, he slayed, ate it up, left no crumbs, licked it clean, you could eat off that plate again.
~The Crucifixion~
There were some lines in here that definitely weren't in the movie, and again, I'm not super familiar with the broadway play so I'm not sure how much of this was changed for this version alone. Nonetheless, Legend did a good job here. I mean, attempting to portray Jesus dying on a cross is a task to be sure, and he accomplished it.
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~John Nineteen: Forty One~
There seemed to be some resurrection imagery here, so, congratulations Christians. He did the rising. (I am not religious, can you tell)?
I love me a good curtain call. They're just so joyous.
So! Was this production worth two hours of me composing my thoughts on it into a Tumblr post approximately five people will read? You tell me. I certainly enjoyed my time with it, and I hope to do this with more productions. I'm looking forward to watching both the 2012 revival and broadway productions, the 2014 Swedish one, and the 2000 movie. Please let me know if you have any suggestions for others I might enjoy or that you would like to see a breakdown of.
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smartycvnt · 1 year
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If You Could Only See
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Pairing: Big E x Reader
Prompt: 14. "They don't know what they're missing out on with you."
R
WC: 662
The energy backstage for tonight's Smackdown show hadn't felt this good in forever. You remembered how happy everybody was whenever Liv won the title, then again when Ronda left, but this was huge. Personally, you had been feeling like since E's injury, things hadn't been the same. Then, New Day went down to be NXT champs, which had really screwed things up in your book. It was hard not having three of your best friends there. On top of all that, Naomi and Sasha leaving had been rough as well. You felt like you were sort of stranded with nobody to hang out with. Eventually you did start to make some more friends, but it wasn't the same. Although, you weren't completely sure that your feelings for everyone had been completely friendly.
"Oh, oh! There she is! Why are you sitting here all by yourself?" E asked you. Xavier and Kofi came up behind him. They probably had an idea of why you had been isolating yourself. You didn't know what the guys talked about in the locker rooms, but you did know your name had been passing through quite a few of the guys' lips these past couple of months. Dating in the business was hard, and you thought you had found yourself a good guy in Trick Williams, but things just hadn't worked out. The breakup hadn't been overly bad, but your date with Grayson Waller just a couple weeks later had not gone well. You knew he was a bit of a jerk, but you hadn't known the extent of that at the time.
"Because it's how I am going to spend the rest of my life, so I'd better get used to it," you said sadly. E frowned as he knelt down in front of you. You knew there was some sort of pep talk coming, one that would actually work because Big E's pep talks always worked on you. He made you happier than anybody else could, but for some reason, neither of you ever tried going for it. At first, it was because he was a big champion, and you doubted that he'd want to go out with a nobody. But then you made a name for yourself and got into a series of situationships with guys who were not necessarily boyfriend material.
"I don't know what is going on with you right now. I don't know who you let break your heart this time, but I do know one thing. They don't know what they're missing out on with you. Kof and X will back me up on this, there is absolutely out there like you. Everybody, no matter who they are or whether or not they deserve it, they get nothing except for respect and kindness from you all the time. In these times, genuinely good people can be hard to come by, but there is not a day that goes by that I have ever doubted how good you are. And I wish that you could see yourself from my point of view because I think you would show yourself the love that you deserve. Or at the very least let me do it for you."
"You want to love me?" You couldn't help but sound a little skeptical about this. E was one of the most genuine men that you had ever met, but this almost sounded too good to be true.
"I don't want to love you, I already do. I want you to let me love you. I want you to give me a chance to let you see yourself through my eyes," E said. You didn't need to mull over his words in your head. You knew what he was asking, and it was something that you had been wanting for so long. E seemed relieved whenever you agreed to give him a chance. Even Kofi and Xavier were celebrating for the two of you not-so-quietly in the background.
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neoyi · 5 months
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Hoo boy, so how long before we get potential discourse on how this comic contradicts the established Crash Bandicoot timeline?
After all, Crash Purple/Spyro Orange had Ripto and Cortex meeting prior to Rumble ever being a spark in Toys for Bob's eyes.
I would say spin-off games in the series are kind of loose in terms of the canonical narrative, but Crash Bandicoot has kind of been an exception to that rule, in that characters first appearing in the forty billion racing spin-offs seem to return (Oxide) with implication that said spin-off happened, or the rest of the games supported extensive cutscenes and an actual plot that it stands to reason that they could all feasibly have happened canonically.
Rumble seem to follow in that; there's no plot to be found within the game, but these comics have served as nice bits of lore for us to chew on. There's not much to hone on, but would I not be a foolish student of Crashology to leave even the shallowest narrative uninterpreted? Unexamined? Left to rot in the sun like that?
I never bought the idea that Crash Bandicoot 4 was meant to be a thorough reboot of the franchise sans the OG Naughty Dog games, because there really wasn't much to contradict that latter games after Crash 4 still couldn't happen. Dingodile joining up with Crash's team (at the least, pragmatically, he seem to be a neutral force here driven by circumstances more than anything) might be the closest cutting off point since he's working for Cortex come Wrath of Cortex (Crash 4 never explains why he quit the ol' mad doctor's group, he just did for some reason), but now that Rumble's out, particularly with this comic, I'm now beginning to wonder if this is the creators' way of essentially wiping the slate as clean as they could and starting the franchise off from scratch.
And I think it needs it.
Oh, for sure, I'd argue it's yet another reworking of the franchise (Crash of the Titans kind of felt like one, even if, as far as I know since I never played it, they don't technically disown the timeline prior to its release) to revitalize and retool the poor series yet again, but this time, there's been a decade long gap - long enough for fans to lament what could have been, what we wished, and eventually, move on from it (well, some of us anyway.)
I was ready to call the franchise dead in the waters by, like, Year 8, wistful that they didn't get the send-off it deserved. Fact of the matter was, the last few games or so have just been a complicated, hot mess. Nobody seem to know what the hell they wanted to do with Crash the moment it fell out of Naughty Dog's hands. Not from lack of trying (and some developers did try), but it lingered around as either a pastiche of the OG game, a wacky-for-the-sake-of-wacky that varied in tolerance with its humor, or a sea of Dreamworkian pop cultural references - it was a mess. It was a HOT. MESS.
THIS comic, however, seem to signify that yes, come Crash 4: It's About Time, the whole ass franchise, after a decade of nothing, whih came after a decade of identity crisis, meant not only is this semi-reboot expected, but is downright necessary.
You could arguably just make A New Crash game that fittingly continues where it left off without acknowledging any of the past games, but with the assumption that it all happened, but ripping off that loaded, blood-chunked bandage for something visibly new, is probably the best this series, at this time, is going to get and ultimately needs.
Cut off the excess and start from where it was at its most simple, then slowly reintroduce the latter Crash elements. It does suck, if you are a fan of the latter-era Crash fans, to essentially be told after CTR that the rest of the games after is potentially no longer canon (Crash 4's announcer during the end credits certainly lampshades it, too.) This comic pretty heavily cements it, but man, it already does it so much better by introducing Ripto back into the Crashverse in just two pages of a comic versus an entire GBA game where he and Cortex... somehow share a universe and just... team up, I guess???
Of course Ripto crashes the party via a portal. Crash and Spyro's worlds are two vastly different places that sharing it together, while not impossible in the right hands, is tonally contradictory. Spyro's world is fantastical whimsy, Crash is sci-fi madness.
And it isn't like latter Crash characters cannot return. Crash 4's ending showed that absolutely CAN be the case.
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Guys. GUYS. Nina's still here. Those two awful chicken announcers are still here.
The OG Crash games never really had the deepest stories, with only literal floating heads occasionally spouting the next motive. Having Crash 4 start from there WITH an elaborate narrative is probably the best starting point. There is no reason why any of the others cannot return in new, interesting roles while paying lip service to their older roles.
Setting aside complicated feelings on reboots notwithstanding, Crash Bandicoot really did needed a reset button, and if it means retooling the established canon in a metaphorical Crisis of Infinite Earths way, then so be it.
So yeah, the comic basically told us Crash Purple/Spyro Orange did not happen. And damn it, I think that's for the best.
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On a final note, love this panel. For sake of gameplay, you're allowed to pick whichever character you want, but Rumble's lore seem to imply that villains stay on their end while, presumably, the heroes stay on their side. I guess Ripto serves as a third wheel who decided to muck things even further.
Also, I think Brio is saying Spyro's Japanese translated name, which is amazing cuz' anyone with basic Spyro trivia knowledge knows Ripto's name came from how the Japanese letters look when spelling out the purple dragon's name.
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dolceaspidenera · 6 months
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Hii! when I read your post about bg3 and what could be better, it’s like you I’ve read everything on my mind. I love this game, it’s an absolute masterpiece, that’s an undeniable truth. I desperately wanted sth like this after I fell in love with DA games. the minute I knew I can romance Astarion I jumped at the chance - because LOOK AT HIM!! and they’ve given him the BEST voice actor, the BEST character backstory- better and richer than any of the DA characters had. he feels alive, everything in his behaviour and motivations makes sense, the whole breaking the cycle of abuse is incredibly deep. And really makes me crave for more..more party banter, more things to talk about overall. there are certain shining moments between him and Shadowheart, moments where she teases him or is curious about certain things. YES GIVE ME MORE OF THIS overall with all the companions!
100% agree about how it is frustrating that companion reactions get overridden. I romanced Asta and wanted to hear his reaction to the owlbear and he got blocked by Shadowheart. why??? if anyone has sth to say let them say it.
Now I’m gonna rant a bit about Asta’s content in act 3. there’s quite a big difference between act 1 and 3 in terms of camp cutscenes. while in act 1 you have to long rest pretty much constantly to see everything that’s queued up, in act 3 it isn’t necessary. act 3 feels much emptier esp when it comes to Astarion or Karlach. Cazador isn’t involved in the main plotline so there’s no incentive to deal with him unless you really want to help Asty. Karlach and her soul coins - i didn’t understand their purpose, guess it was scrapped. same as the possibility for Asty to explore different ways to release himself from Cazador’s clutches, to be able to stay in the sun. as it is now there’s nothing for him, just a throwaway dialogue option added last minute that you’re going to look for the solution together. that solution should have been available in act 3–another scrapped content—necromancy of thay. as it stands now - I think mainly because of this missing content, there’s only one option to help Asty see reason to refuse the ritual and even that requires high persuasion check. all that we’re given is one good choice (which you can’t probably pass with a non-charismatic character) and two bad choices with one of them being No I won’t help you which does not give you any additional chances to reason with him. which there should’ve been especially if he’s romanced and on the highest approval. lastly, we should’ve been given a waaaay more satisfying conclusion - once again as it stands now, it deeply hurt me to watch him run away from the sun with nobody expressing any sort of concern for him whatsoever. he deserves better. and i’m too old and tired to write a fix-it fic about this 🙈
the end of rant 😅
Hi! Thank you for sharing your opinions with me 😊 I agree with you, I would've preferred, for example, fewer shiny objects and more party banters/cutscenes with our companions. Especially when it comes to friendship interactions, you really feel a lack of content. They are all amazing characters and I wish we could spend more time with them, it would have been cool to have something similar to the Citadel DLC in Mass Effect.
Regarding the companions' reactions that override each other, if Larian is hell-bent on leaving it like that, I hope there will be some saint modder out there who will be able to get rid of this mechanic. I'd do it myself but unfortunately I know nothing of how mods work 😭
And Yes, after completing the quest for the characters there's 0 content after that unfortunately when it comes to interactions in camp. Don't get me started on our best girl Karlach, they really did dirty to her. Her confrontation with Gortash is the most anti-climatic thing I've ever seen. She gets angry, understandably so, for like 5 minutes, and then that's it, everything is back to normal. AT least give us a cut scene with her stabbing the hell out of Gortash, them staring in each other eyes while he dies, give me some pathos, something! It's supposed to be the climax of her narrative arch, c'mon!
There's definitely a lot of cut content, I don't know if it's because they ran out of time or they were having budget issues, maybe a bit of both. I hope they will add them back later but I honestly doubt that. Unfortunately, the ending is really lacking as well, you can really see that they ran out of time there. Larian promised they would fix it, so I hope they manage to put together a satisfactory epilogue for all the characters. I reeeeeeally hate Astarion's ending in particular, there's no way my character wouldn't run after him to make sure he's okay and to comfort him. It would have been cool to have at least a party like the one with the tieflings in Act 1 to properly say goodbye to all characters (Dragon Age Origins really nailed it in that sense, even if it's brief you have the chance to speak with all characters and ask them for their future plans after the final battle).
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moss-and-marimos · 7 months
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you could literally start talking abt the grossest shit in my tags and I'd start clapping honestly pls do ramble
people who dont want to see talk of the intimacy and eroticism of horror and gore dont click read more vbjdhfdfvj
ougugghghhghghg goes wild its the intimacy and inherent eroticism of gore, sorry if this is a bit incoherent im tired but maybe I will dump more in your ask box another time bvjhdfd, for me its a sort of like fucked up thing between trusting the person to put you back together afterwards and wanting to be understood in a way nobody can without literally taking you apart, I guess kinda similar in a way to like wanting people to know about your trauma in a self destructive way, thats what a lot of it is to me that makes it interesting is the art of self destructive clearly unhealthy codependency dynamic between consumer and consumee, test subject and scientist, im not gonna put my own year old poem here bc it needs some revisions vbjdfd but to summarize it talks about being loved through the restraints binding you, and being seen as what you truly are, some mass of meat, and them taking you apart and loving you anyway. they will see you laid bare, more vulnerable than you have ever been, and they will make the choice that you deserve to stay, or in the case of cannibalism that they want you to be their nourishment. That in trusting you to take them apart, you are trusting them to sustain you. its really fucked and interesting to me. The idea that consumption or vivisection or similar are some warped sort of love, the same sort of way that people will abuse others and say theyre doing it because they love you, is very interesting to me. obviously its bad but its the only comparison I can draw here and its an interesting thing to explore in fiction. its a type of love that is obsessive and destructive and painful and violent and thats why its so interesting. And again referring to that poem I wrote last year "and you wish you could be a better test subject. and with the blood on their hands and a smile on your face you thank them. after all your life is in their hands." and "theyve been inside you more times than you can count, and something about that is so appealing. to be taken apart. to be examined. to be understood. oh how invasive. you long for it" and the fucked up eroticism of instead of having like idk bite marks or hickeys or whatever shit on you you're covered in scars from their invasiveness and tests, showing just how much you belong to them and just how well they know to put you back together. After cutting away everything vulnerable, after getting to just the bones (and maybe even cutting away those too), after seeing the abomination you are, they put you back together anyway, again and again. In both a metaphorical sense of like exploring trauma and trusting the other person with that and in a fictional but more literal sense, it is quite literally exploring the other person, and its incredibly intimate, and requires so so much trust.
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bumblesimagines · 2 years
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Imagine:
Rejecting Anthony Bridgerton
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Request: Yes or No
My fem readers have been starving for too long
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It felt wrong to accept the gifts and praise from Anthony, or from anyone. Your suitors and callers were all under the guise that you were pure. They believed you were still innocent. They didn't see the fierce glare your mother gave you whenever you turned down a proposal. She couldn't risk you ruining the family image by rejecting every man that proposed.
But you did it for their own good and you did it for the sake of the child growing inside you. Similar to Marina Thompson, you had let love get the best of you and indulged in marital acts before being wed. The man in question had been a mere visitor to London and had left soon after you disclosed your pregnancy to him. Your parents wanted you to wed and pass the child on as your husbands, but you simply couldn't do that to a good man. Especially one like Anthony Bridgerton.
"Lord Anthony Bridgerton is here." The butler announced into the room and your mother smiled in glee. She stood up and smoothed out her dress, setting closer to you and straightening the sleeves of your dress.
"Do not ruin this for us, (Y/N)." Your mother whispered and raised her brows, facing Anthony with a smile. You set the plate of strawberries on your lap, using the fork to pick them up.
"I'd like to have a moment with Miss (L/N)." Anthony told your mother and she agreed, leaving the room. Your personal maid sat on the other end of the room, serving as a chaperone.
"How are you?" Anthony asked with a charming smile, taking your hand and kissing the back of it. You forced a smile for him.
"Lovely as always, My Lord." You responded and set the plate aside, feeling a wave of nausea wash over you. Anthony remained standing and cleared his throat.
"I know this may appear rather soon, Miss (L/N), but I've thought about it carefully. I believe you would make the perfect bride and a wonderful addition to the Bridgerton family." Anthony spoke and lowered down onto one knee, sliding a small box out of his pocket and showing you the ring.
"Will you-"
"I cannot!" You abruptly stood up and walked away from him, one hand clutching your stomach. Your dress suddenly felt suffocating and the walls felt as if they were closing in. Your maid quickly stood with a fan in hand and rushed over, fanning you until you could focus again.
"M-Miss (L/N), has something occurred? Have I done something-"
"No, My Lord. You've been more than kind to me but.. I.." You whirled around to face him, eyes brimming with hot tears. "It is I who has done something and it is I who.. who planned on deceiving you."
"What are you saying?" Anthony questioned further, brows furrowed. His gaze flickered to your maid and he waved for her. "Please get her some water."
It was all crashing down. The guilt, shame, exhaustion, and anger. Everything you had bottled up inside poured out, and infront of Anthony Bridgerton. Oh, your mother would kill you if she saw how unladylike you were acting.
"I am ruined, My Lord. Ruined and expecting an illegitimate child whose father does not wish to raise it. In just a few months time, everyone will know and nobody will ever wish to wed me." You explained and stared at the ground, unable to bare looking at him. You didn't want to see the disgust.
"My sincerest apologies, Mr. Bridgerton. I would've told you sooner but-"
"No, no.. It was none of my business. Miss (L/N), you were honest with me and that shows that you are truly the kind woman I wish to wed. The child you're carrying does not deserve a father like the gentleman who ruined you. I still wish to marry you, (Y/N)." Your head snapped up when his words reached your ears and you almost didn't believe him. Anthony took your hand and delicately took the glove off, sliding the ring onto your finger.
"I will happily raise your child as my own and they will carry the Bridgerton name."
Gifs aren't mine.
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your-divine-ribs · 26 days
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The Christmas Wish Part 1
Words: 2k
Single Dad Van’s kids only have one special wish for Christmas // Christmas fluff // a friends to lovers story 🤍
The Christmas Wish Masterlist Main Masterlist
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🤍 Sacha's POV 🤍
"Miss Wilson! Miss Wilson! Ryan just said a bad word!"
"Did not!"
"Yes you did! I heard you! If Santa finds out you've been naughty you won't get any presents, that's what my daddy says!"
"Don't be stupid! Santa's not even real! Aghhhhh!"
"Hey, hey! What's going on over there?" I darted across the classroom just as the tears erupted, sinking down on to my knees on the carpet. I wasn't expecting to see Ryan Carter, the class trouble-maker, in tears. He was normally the cause of any upset, yet here he was, face bright red and blotchy whilst he jabbed an accusing finger at one of his class-mates Grace McCann.
"She kicked me!" He sobbed, finger still outstretched whilst the other hand was wrapped around a reddened shin.
"He said Santa wasn't real!" Grace shot back, her face screwed up in defiance, hands folded across her chest as she stared her class-mate down.
In truth I was glad to see someone stand up to Ryan but I couldn't let my true feelings show. As a primary school teacher I had responsibilities. I was a guiding light to a class full of seven year olds so I couldn't just let casual violence slide, even though a well placed kick to the shins of the class bully was wholly well-deserved. The only trouble was it was the second time Grace had lashed out at him this week. Although she'd swore blind that Ryan had accidentally trapped his finger in his desk drawer after he was making mean comments to one of the other children, I hadn't missed the poorly hidden smirk Grace had worn as he'd howled in pain.
"Grace, is this true? Did you kick Ryan?"
"I did but he deserved it!" The little girl pouted, her cheeks flushed and rosy, her tiny brows pulled into a frown. "If you say you don't believe in Santa out loud it ruins the magic and then he won't come. I was trying to shut him up."
I told myself I shouldn't have favourites.  Every teacher did though, it was only natural. Grace was one of mine. Her feisty demeanour and quick-temper was balanced out by a big heart and a natural effervescence that I couldn't help but warm to. She was the first to volunteer for anything, always eager to help, her bright and enquiring nature usually a delight to teach. It was just situations like this that were becoming more commonplace that had me tearing my hair out. I couldn't brush over it with just a simple telling off this time either, it was against the school rules... and as a newly qualified teacher I had to adhere to them.
"Nobody deserves to be physically hurt no matter what they've done. It's not the way to solve a disagreement. Now we had this very same discussion last week didn't we Grace? And what did I tell you then?"
I spoke with an even tone, trying not to react to the way the little girl's lower lip trembled, her eyes becoming glossy as they flooded with unspilt tears.
"You said that if it happened again you'd have to call my parents," she muttered quietly, now subdued.
"That's right... so it looks like Mr and Mrs McCann are going to be getting a phone call from me then doesn't it?"
God, I hated disciplining the kids. It was the worse part of the job. Difficult but necessary. I thought it might be easier if they were my own children, I wouldn't feel so bad then. Then I'd know for sure if they'd truly been naughty or if they were acting up for another reason. I'd done all the mandatory training courses, learnt all about possible reasons that usually well-behaved kids developed an uncharacteristic disruptive streak. I wondered whether something was going on with Grace, some kind of home trouble that had brought on this atypical aggression. She'd always been feisty and stuck up for herself but this was a whole other level.
"Please Miss Wilson, please don't call them. I'm trying to be good, I really am. I really need Santa to come through for me... especially after what happened last year."
"What happened last year?" I probed, shifting into a sitting position on the carpet. I pulled out a small chair opposite me, patting the seat, urging Grace to sit down. A quick glance up had reassured me that Ellie, my class teaching assistant had everything under control. She was currently comforting Ryan, successfully distracting him with some festive crafts.
Grace pulled a face, conflicted as to whether she should confide in me. She sat down nevertheless, leaning in to whisper even though no one could hear over the background babble of twenty-five children.
"I shouldn't talk about Christmas wishes, it's the rules. It's a secret between me and Santa."
I smiled, recalling my own childish wonder at the magic of Christmas all those years ago. It had been so real back then. Sometimes I thought it was a shame that children had to grow up and turn into skeptical, cynical adults.
"Of course," I said in agreement. "You don't actually have to tell me the wish you made, but did anything bad happen?"
Grace's face fell as she focused on an obviously painful memory.
"It was just before last Christmas that mummy and daddy started fighting. I tried... I tried really hard to be good. I asked Santa to make them love each other again but it didn't work." Her eyes widened at once and she slapped a hand over her mouth with a gasp, horrified that she'd just let out the secret wish and broken her own rules. "I shouldn't have said!"
"It's okay," I tried to placate her, placing a reassuring hand on her forearm. "I won't say anything, don't worry. I'm guessing your wish didn't come true?"
It was all starting to fall into place now, the reason for Grace's outbursts, her erratic behaviour... it's just the timing was off. She'd seemed much more carefree at the beginning of the school year and that was September. Maybe something else was the cause.
"Uh-huh," she nodded in dismal confirmation. "I think Santa didn't give me my wish because I was naughty, I just don't know what I did wrong. I thought it might be different this year... if I was really good..."
"You wished for the same thing again?"
My heart ached for the little girl before me. All of a sudden I was twelve years old again, sitting on the floor in my bedroom with my back pressed against the door, my headphones on with the volume turned up as loud as my ears could stand it to drown out the sound of my own parents arguing viciously. I'd been older than Grace but it didn't make it any easier seeing the two people I loved the most in the world falling out of love.
Grace sighed. "No, it's a different wish this year, but I can't say." She mimed pulling a zip across her mouth. "It'd be silly to wish for the same thing again. Mummy and daddy aren't getting back together, I know that now. Mummy's got a new boyfriend, see."
"And what's he like?" I enquired, watching her closely, relieved when she broke into a smile.
"He's nice... but he's not daddy... no one's as nice as daddy."
I smiled back as her grin grew until her whole face lit up, her blue eyes sparkling. "He's a rockstar you know, he's super famous and he plays the guitar and he sings really good. He has loads of fans. Everyone loves him."
"I remember you telling me about him."
I thought back to 'show and tell' at the start of term, Grace proudly bringing in a CD so she could show the class her dad's music. She'd instructed me to play a track called Hourglass because her mum and dad had penned the lyrics together. She'd told me it was a love song so I assumed it'd be safe to play. I sniggered internally when I recalled how I'd had to dive across the classroom to switch the music off after Grace's dad dropped an F bomb exactly 22 seconds into the song. I probably should have checked it out first before playing it to a classroom full of innocent seven year olds really. The fact that the album cover had featured a cartoon drawing of a couple with their hands shoved down each other's trousers should have probably given me cause for concern.
Grace's smile faded fast to be replaced by a glum expression. "He's the best... but I guess mummy doesn't think that anymore. She told him he loved the band more than her. She even said it was more important to him than me and my little brother! I don't think I was supposed to hear that but I did."
I wished I could have said something to make it all better for her but I knew that I couldn't. Not right now when the pain was still raw. It would get better though, I knew from experience that the age-old adage of time being a great healer was actually true. I just hoped that her parents were mindful of their children whilst they navigated the stormy waters of their breakup. Mine hadn't been and the scars still lingered, even all those years later. I made a mental note to discuss Grace's worries with either Mr or Mrs McCann, whichever one I ended up seeing to discuss their daughter's behaviour.
"I'm sure that's not true," I tried to reassure her. "Look Grace, grown ups say things they don't mean all the time, especially when they're mad at each other. I know it's hard to understand but sometimes people fall out of love and it's nobody's fault. Sometimes things just don't feel the same anymore. No one can fix it, not even Santa."
Grace's bottom lip started trembling again, her hands balling into fists in her lap. "But what if mummy and daddy stop loving me and Leo? What are we gonna do then? If they know I've been naughty they'll be so mad at me!"
Oh shit... I'd been trying to reassure her but now she looked even more upset. I floundered for a second but quickly recovered, reaching out for her hands and taking them in mine.
"Your mummy and daddy love you and your brother very much. You're probably the most important things in their lives... in fact scrap probably... you are the most important things. I know you are!"
"Really?"
Grace looked up at me from under her long lashes, eyes wide and hopeful.
I tipped her a little wink. "Yes really... Santa even told me so."
"You... you mean you actually know Santa?" She asked in astonishment, sitting forward on the edge of the seat. I allowed a knowing smirk to curve my lips, secretive.
"Oh yeah, I have a direct line to Santa, all the teachers do. It's not just mummies and daddies that tell Santa who should be on the nice list."
I watched Grace's mouth fall slack as she stared at me for a second, then she was glancing around surreptitiously at her classmates like I'd just entrusted her with the most confidential top secret knowledge. I grinned at her, pressing my index finger against my lips and she nodded quickly before slipping down off the seat and rushing to take a seat at her desk.
A small sigh of relief escaped me as I rose up on to my feet.
"Oh my god Sacha, I can't believe you used the old 'be good, Santa's watching' trick. I thought it was only parents that were allowed to use that one!"
Ellie was beside me, nudging me with an elbow, grinning and shaking her head.
"Don't judge me," I laughed, pleased to see Grace with her head in her reading book, carefully following the text with a finger. She usually didn't have the patience for reading on her own. "I don't think I'll be getting any more trouble from Grace McCann this side of Christmas."
Little did I know, this was only the start of it...
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drhu0806 · 27 days
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INFAMOUS MC THONKING AND RAMBLINGS AGAIN and you know I said I originally went the obvious crush on Orion as a bit that spiraled out of control but it is an incredibly fun thought experiment to actually ask myself, "What kind of person would be willing to make a fool of themselves in front of their crush over and over like that with seemingly no positive results for probably at minimum a year, likely longer depending on players' personal preference, and not eventually come to the sensible conclusion that they should just move on?"
So one of the answers to this is an incel, and of course I am not making Luna an incel, so the other explanation that actually makes sense is that she's got Issues--SHOCKER I know, in the midst of this cast--and maybe she's not as put together as she thinks she is. Because let's be real here, one more time: nobody sensible and well adjusted does the above shit.
Now Luna thinks she's moved on from Seven, as well as one could given the circumstances. But this blogger has read a lot of the extra content, a lot of the past history between Seven and the MC, and uhhhh yeah no that shit's not easy to move on from, fuck no. So while Luna is more well adjusted compared to Seven, there's still a lot going on in there.
NOW until the chapter devoted entirely to BreakupGate is finally dropped I have my own HCs on the general happenings of the incident and I'd say Luna holds a great deal of lingering guilt over what transpired; after all, what kind of person would be able to drive their best friend and/or lover of 12 years away so drastically?
A bad one, is what.
So Orion arrives on the scene, and Luna thinks, "Oh shit, a hot guy I kind of feel something for? Haha?" and just throws herself into it to overcompensate because of COURSE she's over Seven! If she wasn't over them how could she be pursuing someone else??? Hmmm????? She's so over them, right???
And then all the little rejections start rolling in, and you know, that's when a perfectly healthy and normal individual would eventually think, "Hmm, this person is clearly not interested. I should probably stop, do some emotional wrangling, and move on."
But Luna chooses to continue on, suffering rejection after rejection, which, based on flavor text from the story, do indeed hurt. So why keep it up?
The answer: she doesn't believe she deserves any better. Orion is, for a time, the perfect cover to pretend to the world that she's moved on from BreakupGate, all the while never actually reaching the supposed "goal" of successfully getting together with someone who seems like a great guy so that she stays alone in spite of how much she wishes she wasn't, because she still feels so terrible about what happened with Seven and is so terrified of hurting someone like that again.
Now I doubt this will actually be a thing when the time comes in the actual story, but I think it would be interesting to have an option for people who chose this route with O to have a moment to interrogate their feelings, because for Luna, I think the moment Orion shows reciprocation, it's going to be the coldest douse of emotional ice water, and there is going to be a HEAVY need for a lot of introspection in those following moments.
Anyway, the moral of the story is, if you're holding a torch for someone for that long, you should maybe consider counseling/therapy because that's just not healthy.
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silenttale22 · 6 months
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MUST HAVE BEEN THE WIND /PJM/ - Chapter 5
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Summary: Someone once told her she had to learn to live in pieces as there would be nobody to glue them up. But what if a person with similar pieces to her appears? What if by complete coincidence her crying is heard in the middle of the night? What if together they can create a whole new masterpiece?
Dancer!Jimin x Student!Reader Genre: Fluff, Angst, Slice of life. hurt/comfort, Soulmate!AU, SchoolAU Warnings: Mentions of blood, assault, curses
Note: Hi! If you like and enjoy my story so far, I'd be more than happy and grateful with any interaction!
MASTERLIST
CHAPTER 4/CHAPTER 5/CHAPTER 6
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You sit in the darkened living room, using your portable lamp to navigate through the pages of the book. Hoping that something will come to mind before tomorrow's small knowledge test, which the lecturer announced a month ago. However, you were well aware that with each of your evening study sessions, you were not necessarily focusing on the lines of the textbook you had been reading. In fact, your thoughts were literally everywhere, just not in that particular room or that particular book. You find yourself continuously re-reading the same paragraph, attempting to comprehend at least half of it, but only finding yourself becoming more lost and increasingly frustrated. You huffed loudly when stupid chemical formula seemed too hard to remember and rubbed your throbbing temple.
“Its not that fucking hard, just focus for once” you grumbled to yourself, barely keeping yourself back from tossing all the papers off your lap and giving it a go. You couldn't, though. As much as you wished to be less stubborn about studying…you promised once that you would get your degree.
But it was a promise for the two of you, not only yourself.
“Y/n, you should have some fun sometimes, you know?” his laugh was soft as your memories went back in time. You were sitting in your old room, everything around for a bit smelled like home again.
“If you want to dance, someone has to provide you with a little more stable financial status to start with, don't you think?” he groaned, pushing off against the doorframe to sit on your unfolded bed, watching as sheets of paper were scattered around you and covered the entire desk.
“You know I'm the older one, right? I should be the one providing” and you chuckled, because you really wished it was actually possible.
“I just want your dreams to come true.” A sigh left his lips, so you knew very well that he had never liked your utter sacrifice just for him. However, both of you had lost too much by then. And it would be nice to at least one you had to fulfill a dream. You knew he deserved to be on stage and you wanted make it true...wanted
“You're my sister Y/n, not my mom” you did not responded that day, aware that this would only lead to an argument.
 Deep down you knew that all he was saying was true and made sense... yet still the urge to try to take the place of something you both have lost was stronger.
One slow drop ran down your cheek, that you quickly knocked off with your thumb unable to bear the gently tickling sensation on your skin. It really wasn't another tear of pain or sorrow. Your eyes were just damn tired already, from your night after night of sitting in fake light and a dark room, straining your eyesight unnecessarily. Yet your eyes also need rest.
Or maybe it was a sorrow, which you used to push away for so long?
A loud knock on the door was enough to wake you up for a brief second, but you ignored it eventually, thinking that your imagination playing tricks on you again. Who could be at that late hour at your door anyway. But when the second and third, slightly louder knock sounded, it actually forced you to get up from the couch.
With the pulse racing inside your chest, alerting of a potential unknown threat, you pushed it to the back of your mind, placing the slow-paced footsteps. You stopped in the middle of the dark corridor unsure if you should go closer to the door, listening for signs if anybody was still standing behind. Could it be that the downstairs neighbors had finally become upset at the clumsiness?
Quiet shuffling could still be heard from the hallway, and small glimpses from under the door illuminated her apartment, revealing her bare feet. Your heart was pounding, echoing in your ears. A small lump in your throat was making you worse and worse.
You hesitantly stood, just a few steps away from the wooden surface, and only after a while did you muster the courage to come closer. With somewhat trembling hands, you laid your palm on the polished surface of the door before finally peering out of the Judas to get a glimpse of the figure beyond. The sight of the man's immaculately beautiful visage, slightly distorted by the image, caused your heart to palpitate with even greater ferocity. His eyes seemed terrified, but he didn't move for a long moment. Waiting patiently.
A young man, that was perhaps only some years older than you. Eventually in the same age as you are. His face, with its charmingly filled in cheeks, seemed so delicate to you that you couldn't believe your eyes. His skin seemed almost porcelain, and the man himself seemed to have been pulled straight out of a magazine filled with the world's most beautiful people. For a moment you got a heated desire to simply touch him, to make sure he was for real. Brush or poke with a finger his cheek, or squish it in your hands. Bright hair, which in the light of the hallway's artificial lamps even seemed golden, or rather, shimmering in various shades. 
You were literally able to admit that he looked like an angel in human skin with the soft glow of a halo above his head.
But… maybe it's just your imagination
However, as the man standing by the door turned suddenly to begin walking away, a tiny bit of bravery broke through the thick glass and, trying to stop your fast, swallow breathing, you grabbed on the handle, making the door lock click loudly. 
An unknown desire to see him in person throbbed in your chest. As soon as you pushed the door open, you knew that you made the right and probably the best decision of your life, because looking at him, standing right in front of you, he seemed even more beautiful than moments before.
As soon as your gazes met, the boy smiled softly at you, evoking a warm shiver running through your body. You saw him for the first time in your life, but a feeling of sudden connection strangely embraced your soul. It felt like with the sudden touch, the coldness that forever coated your body would turn into a pleasant warmth with the contact of his presence. With a glance into his caramel irises, it seemed to you that you had found something you had been missing for so long...that you found home. This sense of homecoming you longed for.
His eyes moment later closed almost fully with the charming grin, and his puckered cheeks became even more spongy, which quickly became a new image for you, by far the best sight of the day.  He took a few steps forward, as if to get a better view of your face but you quickly hid more in the darkness of your hallway. 
You pushed away all positive thoughts from you with a snap of your fingers. The warmth that wrapped around you for a tiny moment was shoved away. You went back to your usual cold. After all, why should he waste his gaze on a gray, blank face. Even if you tried your best to reciprocate his smile, only a twisted grimace came out. 
An uncomfortable fear began to grow in your frame, but the mere sight of the smiling boy seemed to dismiss the unpleasant feeling and fill it with a warm safe embrace.
"Hey, listen I'm Jimin…living floor below and…you know I've recently started hearing odd sounds from your place and yeah...I got, um a little worried" an exceptionally high voice filled with gentleness wrapped around your ears, making gaze want to stare into him even more. It was like a pleasant melody to your ears. You longed to see the details of the nearby angel's face, to hear the soothing voice as often as possible.
Is there anything that might make his persona appear to you as a not-so-surreal miracle.
His words, though, were slow to reach you with their meaning. It was at first as if he was speaking in a language you had never heard, but the both of you seemed to be fluent in the same one. 
As it had been so long since someone said something with such care, a nice warmth spread inside for literally seconds after you fully understood. Sadness nonetheless followed the feeling immediately. Why should a stranger worry about you? He didn't even know you, right? And it reaches you, that he probably heard your faulty steps ending in a fall, and perhaps even your crying.
"Um, nice to meet you but you probably misheard, maybe your ears are playing tricks on you. Nothing happened in here. It must have been the wind” you said trying to cover yourself, but it was so hard to get out from your mouth. Painful lump in your throat become a torment. 
A strange wish in your mind, and even a desire to just ask him to give you a quick hug, hoping that maybe the golden-haired boy's wings could, at least for a moment, soothe that pain bottled up in your chest every day. With the thought that maybe Jimin, as he said himself, could fill your lonely days at least for a while, since he seemed like the right person to do so. 
But you didn't dare. 
Not this time. 
"Thanks for caring, um, that's nice of you but it was unnecessary." your voice was more like a whisper, just to close the door in front of his face a second later. 
With your forehead pressed against the cold surface, you sniffed quietly and rubbed tired eyes, only to look through the Judas at the boy's face another minute. With a sad look, he dropped head, standing barefoot on the staircase for a few more seconds, then turned around and headed, presumably towards his place.
You stood at the door for a long time looking out the small window, even when boy disappeared from your sight. Something inside wouldn't let you just go back to the previous activities. Only when your feet begin to become icy through the wind entering the apartment, through the leaky door, you decide to go back to the living room. 
Before your eyes still had the expression on his face just before he walked away. You wondered for a moment if it was a mere coincidence or a sent destiny that pleaded so much. Maybe, after all, the golden-haired Jimin from the same block of flats was to turn out to be the lifeline you just threw away....because who knows if anyone would want to drop it again.
That night your sleep turned out to be nothing more than a dream, as with each half-successful attempt you woke up screaming the boy's name over and over again from your lips. Each time, Jimin would pass out in your arms, and you panicked, unable to help him. With each wake-up call, your heart was squeezed by unmerciful pain, and you yourself had the impression that boy was dying in your lap with each sleep. This could be considered abnormal, but the tears in your eyes and shallow breathing every time you rose on the couch only brought worry. 
These dreams seemed too real, even like one that would happen, and that's why you hated them the most. They always happened to recur in reality over time, and that's what you were most afraid of.
More days passed, and you sometimes could hear loud music playing from the floor below more often. Could it be that Jimin was trying to drown out your perpetual stumbles, or that he most simply wanted to forget. Possibly both.
Or it wasn't him at all.
You glanced at yourself in the mirror. Your blank face was reflected in the sheet of fogged glass, where there were now also a few single scratches. It wasn't long ago when you were coming back after lectures, and the hot shower was supposed to be a temporary salvation before you went out again into the raging wind outside. You were getting ready for a few night hours at the factory, pulling on warmer layers of clothes. 
It was rare that you got a call asking for an extra shift, much less at night, but this time the boss had personally asked for a long time, and even offered a one-time salary increase, so how could you not agree to something like that. After all, your nights went round without sleep anyway, so in this case at least you will gain some profit from it.
To get there you succeeded in getting hold of one of the night buses, and pleased with the fact that there was only you inside with just two other people, you took one of the seats at the end with a quiet gasp. The city from afar was shimmering with all sorts of hues as the vehicle moved along the bypass road above, showing a better panorama of the city. The thud of the wheels against the slightly holey surface somewhat soothed your senses, along with a cool sensation from your forehead pressed against the cold glass.
 The world at night seemed like a completely different place.
 A better place.
As you jumped off the bus, a cold wind attacked your face making it hard to get air into your lungs for a moment. You huddled up a bit as if to protect yourself at least a little from the cold air and pressed your nose into a warm scarf that smelled of delicate floral perfume. You moved quickly ahead, wanting to get under the factory buildings as soon as possible.
And you found yourself there a few minutes later, and the shift itself seemed to be the swiftest you had ever had. However, that was quite often the case on night shifts. You didn't have to worry about anything other than putting things in a good cardboard box or flipping it into a good place. It was approaching twelve o'clock at night, and you were just putting another carton on the truck that would leave first thing in the morning. 
This time, as your angry boss had explained on the phone the day before, some idiotic employees had completely forgotten doing all this stuff during the day and so he asked trusted people to help. You didn't even really think about how you ended up there, possibly because you had never yet turned down proposals that involved a larger salary. 
But you clearly felt the absence of Chris at your side with every night shift. That boy always found some topic of conversation or threw in some not-so-funny jokes, which mostly made your work hours more enjoyable by sounding out the silence in the warehouse anyway. 
Late at night, you slowly gathered your things from the locker room and moved quickly toward the bus stop, hoping that at least one of the vehicles would have a route toward your place since the night buses didn't run very often. You walked fast, trying to release sharp pain radiate from the wrists because of the heavy boxes you've been carrying on in the fabric. This pain returns from time to time, when you can't get enough rest. 
So it came back today as well.
As you reached the small glass building, you prayed in your spirit not to stand another hour waiting for the transport. Fortunately, you found one, which sadly stopped a dozen streets earlier, so a short distance to your block you had to walk anyway. But that actually seemed to be the least of the problems. 
Unlike last time, you were literally sitting alone, not counting the driver, in one of the last seats. Once again you watched the flashing, colorful lights of Busan, which always in some strange way, at least for a moment, took your breath away.
You stared at the passing road, feeling your eyelids slowly begin to droop with fatigue, until the bus stopped at the last stop. You thanked and bid goodbye to the driver, then jumped off the steps onto the sidewalk. When the bus pulled away, you stood for a moment to look around and move in the right direction and get to your apartment as quickly as possible.
You clenched hands tightly on the straps of the leather backpack, feeling how the cold hit your back pushing even further forward. You shuffled through as fast as you could down the road, only to hear a disconcerting sound literally two streets in before your block, making your body tense with uncertainty. 
The road in the neighborhood wasn't one with the best lighting, and although you knew the path by heart, it was difficult to get rid of the anxiety wrapped around your throat. Your muscles tightened, and your next steps, far slower than before, came with difficulty as you approached the alarming words. You felt like freezing, but didn't sure if it was because of the cold wind or the fear brining you shivers.
From one small alley, shadows reflected on the walls, and from a dead end you heard taunts and a few painful moans after a while. Your breathing automatically sped up even more, causing you to clench your hands tighter. One piece of mind told you to run as far away as possible - preferably straight home, but something held you back.
So eventually, with your heart on your shoulder, crouched down hiding behind a corner. Trying to lower your voice by putting a scarf over your mouth, you wanted to pretend as best you could to the approaching police officers
"I heard some alarming sounds," you said, and for the first time you thanked in spirit that she was gifted with a low alto vocal, as the sudden panic around the corner added to your confidence. "Get ready with your gun" now more in a whisper, worrying that it would be too obvious, however not....
The two boys, for sure younger even than you, ran as if scalded out of the alley, not even looking around, almost tripping over their own feet. You had a hard time settling your breathing when you poked head out from around the corner. On the ground was a boy lying heavily breathing with a visibly bloodied face. You ran up quickly to make sure he was conscious and how urgent help he needed. Your heart was beating fast against the cage as you crouched down beside the shaking body, and quiet sobs escaped his lips. 
"Hey, i'll help you okay," you said, touching his shoulder uncertainly, and the boy turned his head uncertainly to look at you.
You held your breath, and tears came to your eyes as you unsurely took the poor light-haired man's face in your hands. The color was drained from his face, only a brief mark of blood colored it. The tightness in your throat made it difficult to say anything as the shining brown eyes tearfully stared into yours, gently reaching out and clasping hand on your jacket. 
You felt like whining when a quiet moan escaped his lips as you tried to lift him for the first time. He wasn't heavy, but your fright and slight fatigue made it difficult for you to do anything, but in this one you were reminded of your dream.
And you promised yourself that you would not let him die. And certainly not like this.
So you wrapped your arms more tightly around his body, trying to stabilize the boy's position and, in the process, not wanting to damage anything else. And as the both of you got to your feet, a small smile was sent in your direction.
"Jimin-ssi please tell me you're able to walk," a painful whisper left your lips, as you somehow stopped yourself from crying for good. The man raised his head uncomfortably and looked at you with his warm eyes and nodded taking the first step, but his body wobbled making you clench your fingers tighter on his coat.
Your heart shattered into tiny pieces when a muffled moan came out of Jimin's mouth with each tiny step. You regretted, regretted like hell, that you didn't grab some kind of stick and smack these two unthinking idiots over the head. 
"I'll take you home, I promise," you whispered, holding onto him as stably as you could. You recommended that he lean his weight on you, making it easier for him to take steps, and fortunately he listened.
The road seemed endless, because aside from the boy breathing getting rougher and rougher, the weather seemed to be getting worse and worse. Striking gusts of wind and making it difficult for the two of you to catch your balance.
When you finally managed to knock in the code to enter the stairwell, a small relief settled on your shoulders. This was the first time you were so glad to have an elevator in the block, as you easily managed to get the boy into the apartment. 
You sat him down on the living room couch and looked worriedly at his face, gently holding his jaw. Despite a few wounds on his cheeks, you still couldn't deny that the boy was beautiful. You stared at his face without shame, feeling pleasant tangling inside your chest, but when another grunt left his lips, you snapped back cursing under your breath.
“I should take him to the hospital” You murmured under your breath as you stood up but he was quick to hold your hand, making another shiver attack your body. 
“I'll be fine, there's no need” quiet voice came to your ears, fingers still holding onto yours
“You can have broken ribs!” you whined but he refused it, only asking if he can stay here today.
And you let him. 
That night you didn't spend on studying, but bandaging and watching over Jimin. As the boy fell asleep peacefully on your couch, breathing steadily, mumbling something under his breath from time to time and smiling. It was the first time in a long time that you felt so responsible for someone. And after hours you found  yourself staring at him again, memorizing every detail. These little freckles over his nose, how his cheeks puffed even more when he was pouting while sleeping. He was breathtaking. And you for the first time wanted to wake up every day…just for him. Angel sends you to learn how to appreciate every single detail.
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taylorgrape · 3 months
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Ryan's Characters as Taylor Swift Songs
I am so sorry. @rumor-weed
AUDREY "RUMOR" WEED AS NEW ROMANTICS "The rumors are terrible and cruel but honey most of them are true." I'm gonna be so real the above lyric was such a big part of me picking this as a song for her lmao. But also it's just sorta a vibey bop and the general energy of it reminds me so much of Audrey which obviously we love. Other notable lyrics that give me Audrey vibes: "We play dumb but we know exactly what we're doing" "It's poker, he can't see it on my face but I'm about to play my ace." "We team up then switch sides like a record changer."
BARTLEBEY THE BUTLER AS TIMELESS "Time breaks down your mind and body, don't you let it touch your soul." Bartlebey is Timeless for two reasons. One, is, of course, the fact that Ryan and I are constantly pushing the narrative of Pincherbey are in love in every single universe and timeline. The other reason is that we don't know if he belongs in this timeline at all or what his like... whole deal is in any regard. And for that reason it is very funny to just say "Bartlebey is Timeless." Other notable lyrics that give me Bartlebey vibes: "And somehow I know that you and I would've found each other." "I thought about it as I started lookin' 'round at these precious things that time forgot." "We'll have a cardboard box of photos of the life we've made, and you'll say, 'Oh my, we really were timeless'."
PHIL WINKLESTEIN AS TEARDROPS ON MY GUITAR "The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star." King of yearning ofc gets the yearning song of all time. Honestly listening to this song and thinking abt the musical situation with Bob and everything just came together. My mans is so in his feelings and if he has a guitar (which he might I'm not caught up on the Phillip lore) I just know that mf would have teardrops on it. Other notable lyrics that give me Phil vibes: "I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night" "So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light, I'll put his picture down and maybe get some sleep tonight." "The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart"
PETER PEPPARAZZI AS EYES OPEN "So here you are, two steps ahead and staying on guard." Ofc Mr. Pepparazzi is the song abt how everyone is watching you. Because my mans is the one watching!! He is the 'everyone' referenced in lyrics below. King of being nosy fr. I really do not have much to say past that bc I love that this is just how he be. Other notable lyrics that give me Peter vibes: "Everybody's waiting for you to break down" "Everybody's watching to see the fallout" "And nobody comes to save you now."
LOVEY ASPARAGUS AS I DID SOMETHING BAD "I don't regret it one bit 'cause he had it comin'." Miss I killed my husband is obviously this song are you KIDDINGGG literally I could just list every single lyric in this song and it would be correct. She's a baddie and even tho she did in fact kill her husband she's kind of a feminist icon for that. He deserved it and I'm glad she did it. Other notable lyrics that give me Lovey vibes: "Most fun I ever had and I'd do it over and over and over again if I could." "They never see it coming what I do next." "They're burning all the witches even if you aren't one, so light me up."
NEBBY K NEZZER AS YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN "And snakes and stones never broke my bones." hear me out hear mE OUT- my man has dealt with far too much shit he's done his time... and he's surrounded by well... we know them. He's just done and that is DESERVED. Also, of course I am slightly biased but this is such him and his stupid high school glee rival energy. PLUSSS (as listed below) 'shade never made anybody less gay' ARE YOU KIDDDINGGG so nezzer coded (source: bro trust me) Other notable lyrics that give me Nezzer vibes: "And I'm just like 'Damn, it's 7:00 a.m.'" "You need to calm down, you're being too loud." "'cause shade never made anybody less gay."
ART BIGOTTI AS ILLICIT AFFAIRS "Take the words for what they are; a dwindling mercurial high" Okay obviously this is abt Art yearning for a whole ass married man. BUT ALSO the way this song is written just gives me such Art vibes especially with the whole comparing having an affair to drugs thing lmaaao but like when I was picking songs and this came up I KNEW this was downbad king art bigotti. (ps this is currently one of my top taylor songs so this is a great honor" Other notable lyrics that give me Art vibes: "A drug that only worked the first few hundred times." "You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else." "Look at this idiotic fool that you've made me."
LAURA CARROT AS ANTI-HERO "I should not be left to my own devices." Obviously this is Laura lmao she a baddie but she also is a criminal. And does nothing to better herself which honestly good for her bc same. She don't give a fuck and I admire that!! She owns being an anti-hero and she is so real for that. Also just like... the energy of this song truly gives me Laura vibes so there is also that. Other notable lyrics that give me Laura vibes: "One day I'll watch as you're leaving 'cause you got tired of my scheming." "It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me." "The family gathers 'round and reads it and then someone screams out 'She's laughing up at us from hell.'"
GOLITAH GOTTIK AS MEAN "Well, you can take me down with just one single blow," I am going to be so real like 70% of me picking this song was the above lyric bc that's so god damn funny when u think of the bible story. but also. much like nezzer Goliath has been through too much... (see medical malpractice) but despite that he really do be out here just living his life and simply does not have time for the haters which is why i picked this song. Other notable lyrics that give me Goliath vibes: "Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me" "I just wanna feel okay again" "All you are is mean and a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life"
PA GRAPE AS THE BEST DAY "I know you were on my side, even when I was wrong." I'm gonna be so real my main reason for picking this song is bc it's literally written abt Taylor's mom so obviously in my fucked up little delusional mind Taylor Grape wrote it abt Pa Grape. I will not be taking any criticims at this time. That said, these lyrics are more like... how she would feel abt him vs ones that just exude his aura but yolo. Other notable lyrics that give me Taylor/Pa vibes: "I don't know why all the trees change in the fall, but I know you're not scared of anything at all." "Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay, but I know I had the best day with you today." "And I love you for giving me your eyes, for staying back and watching me shine."
SHANNON CEDRIC UNO SCALLION AS THE 1: "And it's another day waking up alone" Okay so OBVIOUSLY this started as a shitpost bc scallion number one is the 1. HOWEVER. upon reflecting on some of these lyrics I was like... damn i might b on to something. they're sort of just like depressing and cryptic enough, especially out of context and that just felt so perfect for mr uno. Other notable lyrics that give me Uno vibes: "And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow" "In my defense, I have none." "If one thing had been different, would everything be different today?" KILT BAGPIPE RHUBARB AS SHAKE IT OFF "I go on too many dates but I can't make them stay, at least that's what people say," Bro I will not fucking lie. As soon as I started this project I KNEW this mf had to be shake it off. A hot fuckin mess, slutting around, everyone finding him slightly offputting, but he is an unkillable yale man so he is fr just gonna shake it off. Also, so far this has easily been the one that I hard the hardest time narrowing it down to just four lyrics bc inside and out this song is Kilt all over lmaaaao (derogatory?) Just know that I decided to not put any lyrics from the chorus bc they all fit too well lmfao. Other notable lyrics that give me Kilt vibes: "But I keep cruising, can't stop, won't stop moving." "I never miss a beat, I'm lightning on my feet." "but I'm just gonna shake to the fella over there with the hella good hair."
TOM GRAPE AS CLOSURE "I'm fine with my spite." okay this song is basically abt someone trying to give closure and this one mf being like nah, i'm good. which to me is so tom. he does NOT need that closure. he's good bein a spiteful little sour grape (which i love for him) but honestly king of not needing the mushy shit. ofc some of this is taken from his relationship with his estranged sister taylor grape but i mean how could i not. Other notable lyrics that give me Tom vibes: "Don't treat me like some situation that needs to be handled." "I know that it's over, I don't need your closure." "Reaching out across the sea that you put between you and me, but it's fake and it's oh so unnecessary."
EGG BOY AS IT'S NICE TO HAVE A FRIEND "'Wanna hang out?' Yeah, sounds like fun." okay so my otp: bathroom eggs ass was ofc fully thinking of that when i chose songs for each of them (see bathroom girls for a similar note) but also this song was specifically Egg Boy to me bc... u know what. he DOES think it's nice to have a friend. he's a silly goofy guy who loves his eggs and this song gives me energy of like childhood nostalgia and that is so him and bathroom girl coded to ME. Other notable lyrics that give me Egg Boy vibes: "School bell rings, walk me home, sidewalk chalk covered in snow." "Light pink sky up on the roof, sun sinks down, no curfew." "You've been stressed out lately? Yeah, me too."
VICKI CUCUMBER AS BETTER THAN REVENGE "I'm just another thing for you to roll your eyes at, honey." I MEEEEEEAN was there even really another option!! Miss steal your man had her man STOLE! a sneaky little bitch (affectionate). I truly feel like there is not much else to say bc the energy of this song is just SO vicki to me. Like this BELONGS to her. Much like Kilt it was SO HARD for me to narrow it down to just four lyrics but i hope u enjoy the ones a pick. Other notable lyrics that give me Vicki vibes: "She took him faster than you could say sabotage." "She looks at me like I'm a trend and she's so over it" "You might have him, but I'll always get the last word." SCOOTER CARROT AS THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS "I'm shaking my head, I'm locking the gates" i have to be so fucking honest rn. I picked Scooter for this song bc this song makes me want to go to a boujee ass hollywood party and get into multiple fist fights with multiple a-listers and honestly i think I would like scooter to be there with me when i do it. He's got just the right amount of spite to help me out. not to mention in soc everyone thought he died so he's got some vengeance in him. me and moyer the destroyer kickin leo dicaprio's ass as god intended. Other notable lyrics that give me Scooter vibes: "This is why we can't have nice things, darling, because you break them, I had to take them away." "And so I took an axe to a mended fence." "Here's a toast to my real friends, they don't care about the he said, she said."
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Personal share: I just needed to vent this out to a void of some sort.
Nobody warns you about the 'literal' COST of Living you face once your born. I feel like my childhood was me being scammed into spending a bunch only to be later slapped in the face with the receipt and expected to pay it. "What?You can't pay it? Well let's make it a debt you owe me, now get to work bitch"
I'm sharing this here because honestly, I think if anyone I know and love in my real life were to hear me out they'd tell me what I already know "That's just Life".
With how sensitive i am right now, I'd break down into a sobbing mess and I can't afford that right now......
- Im on the verge of feeling numb again, like brittle and so ready to disappear.
-Im struggling to feel passion and feel stuck in an endless cycle of work, sleep, eat repeat.
- I feel empty and a constant thrum of nausea at everything I say, do or when I see my reflection.
-Ive tried buying my joy and short bursts of satisfaction but it always leaves my bank account empty and fades too quickly.
-I miss my parents, but I'm a adult now and they expect adult things from me. They don't have time for my mood swings because I'm "just too much"
-My sister is drained from work and I don't want to be an additional burden
-My best friend is preparing to fight for her new career and I don't even have my liscense to drive. (I have no idea why she still keeps me around when I'm so unambitious)
- My cousin has lost so much weight and im growing jealous of her confidence. (She's married and has 3kids!! I'm jealous that she's found someone she trusted to start a family with and I'm still a lonely sob)
-My brother is moving out to live with his long term gf and start his studies. (He has no loans thanks to my sis and I, Obvs doesn't respect or care for me as much as he does her. I deserve it honestly, but it still stings sometimes)
- I struggle to speak most days because I just don't think. I have anything worth saying. (But my job requires me to call ppl and I cant afford to lose this gig)
-I struggle to eat because I just can't find the balance between starving and overindulgence. (I love my body. But there are parts of me I feel I need to change because society or loved ones say I should)
-I struggle to socialise because I just don't share the same interest as those around me or my work colleagues. (Is this because I don't know who I am some days? Or because I just don't have the energy to be contradictory to somebody else's opinion?)
-Im constantly sick and feel guilty for taking days off and still getting sick leave pay. (My job caters to this!! It's in my contract so why can't my brain stop making everything feel like doomsday!?)
- I don't often make mistakes but when I do their huge and I feel immense shame and guilt everytime. I'd offer up my limb if it would make the bad feeling go away. (These are the moments I wish I could read minds, I just want to know what I'm doing wrong so I can fix it!? Is it actually ok or are you just saying that then talking shit bout me behind my back?)
Honestly..... I just don't think I value myself enough right now, I don't think Im seeing my worth and I desperately need to fix it before it becomes worse.
I've had this fight before and I won, I'm not doing it again.
I'm tired.
God am I tired.
Fuck.
If this doesn't ease up before my next one to one with my boss, I'll ask them to send me to therapy (work benefit is that'll be free)
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