#but there was a moment that hasn't sat right with me since | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

moneymasnn · 2 years

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Right Timing | Charles Leclerc

Notes: 11k words of Charles and y/n pinning for each other…your all (hopefully) going to love it xx

this is my first post in about 6 months and I'm so happy to be back! thank you all for the continuous love and support I fucking love this app. this fic hasn't been proof read but oh well, ignore some spelling mistakes, sorry. anyways... ENJOY!!!

Blurb: One where you have a huge crush on your best friend's brother, the one and only charles leclerc, since you were a teenager, with him continuously telling you he was too old for you and you had no chance. You eventually gave up hope and moved on. But did charles? (Best friends brother troop/ slight enemy’s to lovers troop/ Older boy and younger girl)

Warnings: lots of angst, crying, sad y/n and sad Charles. lots of arguments and slight nsfw? but not really. Small age gap.

11.1k words

Arthur leclerc, your best friend since nursery… Your favourite partner in crime, your favourite laugh on a bad day, your favourite person in the whole wide world. Best to be described as home, your comfort person. He was the voice within reason, all that was right in the world.

He's your best friend.

Y/n y/l/n, she was truly and utterly his favourite thing about the world. He counts his lucky stars he has her to help him carry his weight. Y/n was the only person Arthur let visit him when his dad died, and in his books, that made her alright. Sure she would make him want to scream and cry and punch walls, especially with her choice in men. But Arthur was always there for her, when she needed to laugh or to cry he knew what it was she needed at any given moment, he could read her like she was his favourite book.

She was his best friend.

—

How it started:

A little girl with puffy red cheeks sat at the bottom of the nursery playground. Her legs crossed on the green summer time grass as she sniffled again, gently plucking a daisy for the ground before adding it to the daisy chain she was making. She liked to say she enjoyed her own presence, but truly she was distracting herself from the lack of company. With the other young girls teasing her for her wild curly hair, she willingly chose to be sat on the grass of the playground alone.

“Hey! Can you teach me how you did that? I wanna make one for my mum!”

And with no regard for her personal space he sat down next to her on the grass, squashing half of her daisy chain, but she didn't tell him that.

He didn't care that she was crying or that she had poofy hair or that she was even a girl, he was eager to learn her talents and carry on with his lunch break.

But when Arthur noticed the signs that the girl was rather shy and sad he thought he would stay with her for the rest of lunch, keep her company.

Little did she know this company wasn't going anywhere any time soon.

And at age five, the pair promised to be friends for life.

It didn't take long for them to get their mothers talking, and after that it was set in stone, playdate after playdate. Arthur's mum became your mum's hairdresser, so there were many nostalgic memories for the two in the salon, especially when y/n would accompany her mother to her appointments. The pair's best memory is y/n letting Arthur cut her hair in the storage cupboard of his mum's shop. The horror on both parents' faces when one of y/n's pig tails were held in the hand of the young boy.

Their friendship only bloomed from there…

After spending almost every weekend watching Arthur and his older brother race in karts in the rain, to spending most afternoons around the leclerc residence playing with Arthur on his xbox, the girl felt like family.

When she was young she always found herself drawn to the middle leclerc. He was away a lot of the time, karting. He was slightly older so no doubt he found the pair childish and would always moan when he was made to spend time with them.

Charles' mother was the first to figure out your little crush on the boy. She first noticed it when you joined the family on a winter skiing trip, you were around thirteen. It was your first time up in the mountains, so when your arms started to wave and you felt your body lean way too far back Charles did the only morally right thing, dropping the glove he was putting on and outstretching his body to catch you in time.

He didn't catch you in time.

Instead his heroic act to save you turned into humiliation when he realised you had taken him down with you.

Pascal carefully watched as you turned around, her eyes glued to yours that were glued to her sons. She watched your tinted red cheeks as Charles scoffed and begged you to get off of him as his bare hands were now engulfed in the thick snow, causing him to suffer with a cold for the rest of the holiday.

Your eyes widened and sparked at the sight of him. You would gaze up at him like he hung the moon and the stars, an expression his mother would soon get used to as she watched you fall for her son over the next few years.

Charles was older, and very uninterested. He didn't find your little crush as cute as everyone else did, the thought it made him look uncool. He would roll his eyes when you would grab his arm or duck when you would try to kiss his cheek. He hated when your families would go out for meals and you would sit next to him, or how you would call him after a race to congratulate him, no matter his result.

Charles always saw you as his little brother's best friend, nothing more and nothing less.

That was until your first boyfriend. A three year age gap wasn't that big of a deal as they all grew older. Charles found himself having mutual friends with his brother and would occasionally bump into Arthur and you at a party.

You were 16, you thought you had met the love of your life, an older boy, he was 18, around charles age who was now 19 and worming his way into f2.

Arthur didn't approve of Joao. He knew you were trying to prove to charles that the age gap isn't that big of a deal after his brother had repetitively told you you were to young for him, but somewhere down the line you found yourself mesmerised by Joaos eyes and that was it for you, charles no longer rented the forefront of your mind.

Joao was great, at first. You knew he wasn't the love of your life, but for the moment he looked to play the role quite well, and you were happy. You just didn't expect it to end like it did, maybe age gaps do matter?

You were at some house party in the hills of monaco, some friend of Joaos. You were downstairs in the kitchen with Arthur as he watched you drink your body weight in alcohol. He could tell something was bothering you but he chose not to mention it. In all your years of friendship he knew you would come to him eventually.

“Where is the lover boy anyway?” he spoke up.

Your lack of response is when Arthur clocked onto your boyfriend being the reason for your excessive drinking. Him ditching you, yet again.

You slammed down your empty red cup, wiping the dribble from your chin as you decided enough was enough and you looked for the presence of your boyfriend.

Arthur bid you good luck on your travels as his attention was now turned to the girl he had been eyeing up across the room.

And with your liquid courage you stumbled around the party. The house was huge. Gigantic windows that draped around the whole house. Everywhere you looked was so picturesque, making you fall in love with Monaco more and more. From the kitchen window you could see the river of lights leading down to the beach front. From the other end you could see continuous hills leading up into the stary sky, tiny specs of light from homes probably just as big and fancy as the one you were currently standing in swarmed your vision, a far cry from the apartment you and your mother shared where your view was a brick wall to another apartment complex.

Your heels were rubbing the back of your ankles as your hands gripped the bottom of your dress pulling it down as it was miles too short as you made your way out to the garden.

And there he sat, on the steps leading to the lit up outdoor pool, your boyfriend. A skinny little blonde girl sat on his knee. She was older than you, clearly. She took the cigarette from his lips and placed it on her own as her other arm draped over his shoulder. It was like this week after week, it was like you were a ghost.

This isn't the young love you put out for, and you decided enough was enough.

You always forgave him, but tonight was different. This night changed everything.

Tears welled in your eyes as you turned back into the house, you were going home. Joao caught a glimpse of this as he jumped up and followed you back into the house, why he would always chase after you you still don't know.

“Y/n, baby stop.” you ignored the sound of his voice as you pushed through the crowds of people to get back to the kitchen in hopes that Arthur was still there. He wasn't.

You made it to the kitchen before he grabbed the back of your arm pushing you against the kitchen island. His hand came up to wipe away a fallen strand of hair as he tucked it behind your ear.

“Come on y/n i didn't even do anything-”

“She was on your lap.” your voice crooked, you so desperately didn't want to be the little girl everyone thought you was and cry, not in front of everyone anyway.

“It's not that big of a deal-”

“It is that big of a deal! I'm humiliated!” you shouted back, creating a scene you so desperately wanted to avoid.

“I just- I just want to go home.” you said in between sniffles.

“Baby, don't cry, let's just go back to mine, okay? I'll call a taxi-”

“No, I want to go home, my home.” you begged, the tears were falling now.

His grip tightened around your arm as you tried to wriggle out of his grasp.

“I need to find Arthur, and I need to go home.” you said, pushing his arm as he still had you pinned against the counter.

“Oh come on y/n, drop the act you know you want to come back to mine.”

You threw your head back dodging his fingers that were trying to touch your hair again, avoiding his eyes.

“Joao let go, you're hurting me.”

That only made his grip tighten around your arms, pushing you against the counter even harder than before. As he leant down to your ear-

“She said let go mate.”

Your vision was too blurry to focus on what happened next, but you felt joao grip loosen as he stood back.

“Yeah and what are you gonna do about it, leclerc?”

That's when punches were thrown and Joao was hunched over holding his busted lip. Joao was grabbed by another person before he could lunge back at who you assumed was Arthur, but as you turned your head you saw a different leclerc shaking his hand. His knuckles were red, and his eyes were darker than the ones you were used to, charles.

“y/n get in the car.” he said, you stood up, sniffing and nodding your head. But then you remembered your missing friend.

“Arthur-”

“I'll get him. Get in the car.” his tone was strong, not what you were used to from the middle leclerc.

You waited by his car in the cold for a few moments just before Charles came out the house, a stumbling tipsy Arthur under his arm. There was pink lip gloss smeared over his cheeks and lips, and at that moment you felt a small smile creep on your face.

However, the car ride home was silent, you sat in the front with Charles, as Arthur passed out in the back seat. Faint french music played from the radio as charles eyes were firmly gripped on the road.

As you rounded the street to your home Charles finally spoke up, “You really know how to pick them.”

You sniffled again, unable to reply to him mainly because he was right and you were embarrassed. As the car came to a stop Charles undid his seat belt mumbling that he would walk you to your door.

He balanced on the back of his heels as he watched the moonlight highlight your tear stained cheeks. Charles thought you looked beautiful that night even though you had been crying for the last half an hour, your hair hadn't been brushed and you were rummaging through your purse like a mad woman, he still thought you were pretty. He would never tell you that though.

“Don't tell me you've lost-”

“Got them!” You giggled, shaking your keys in the air before whipping your nose for what felt like the fifth time that night. You stalled as you pushed the key in the door, turning to look Charles in his eye for the first time since the party.

“Thank you-” but he cut you off, not wanting to hear it. You were his brother's best friend, Arthur wouldn't forgive him if he ever watched you in a position like the one that night and didn't do anything.

“Dont.”

“No really, thank you, charles.” You smiled, Charles smiled too, mainly because it was probably the first time you had called him Charles and not charlie.

After a moment you dropped your bag on the floor and wrapped your arms around the boy's waist, your head rested on his chest as he hastily moved his hand and rubbed your back.

“Just make sure the next one isn't a total dick, okay?” he whispered, his chin placed on the top of your head.

He didn't know how much that sentence broke your little 16 year old heart.

You smiled and entered the house, Charles didn’t drive off that street before you waved at him out your window.

On the drive home we looked back at his younger brother, drooling on the back seat of his car.

It was that night where he realised the both of you weren't all that different, but so far apart.

The first time Charles saw you after that night was a couple months later, a family day at the beach. You had turned seventeen in that time and joao was old news. But charles eyes were stuck on your body as he watched you sat in the sand on your own. Sipping from a bottle of beer that you most likely stole from his crate, your toes were dipped in the wet sand as you watched the sun set on your own.

Arthur had brought his new girlfriend with him and even though you were still as close as ever, Arthur's attention was stuck on the pretty blonde that was talking to his nan.

The rest of your families were distracted too, or so Charles thought. His mum watched him intently as he walked back to the car park, grabbing a spare jumper from his car before making way down the beach front to join you.

He spent so much of his life avoiding you, but after the night of the party he just wanted to make sure you were okay.

He crouched down in the sand next to you, aware of how your eyes were on him. He placed the jumper on your legs,

“You're going to get a cold.”

You scoffed but complied. Putting the jumper over your head and pulling at the sleeves, it smelled like him.

“How are you?” you asked charles, he could feel your eyes staring into his side profile, but he stared at the sun setting over the monegasque sea.

“I'm okay.”

The boys lost their dad a little under a year ago now, you hadn't really seen Charles since. But he knew you hadn't left Arthur's side for them few months.

“How you holding up, really?” you nudged his shoulder with yours, he did his little signature smile before looking down at his lap. Avoiding the question.

“Thank you. For looking after Arthur I mean, he's lucky to have you.”

“Charlie…”

He looked in your eyes this time, he looked so sad, so broken. So desperate for a hug. You didn't pressure him to answer your question, insted you gently placed your head on his shoulder looking along the coastline in silence.

Charles appreciated the silence and the way you didn't push him, moments like these he understood why Arthur loved you so much.

“It will be alright you know.” you hummed on his shoulder.

“I know.” Charles whispered back.

“Really, i can already see Charles leclerc, ferrari formula one driver. Your face will be all over Monaco, and we're all so proud. He'll be so proud.”

Charles hated how much you believed him, because in that moment a nineteen year old boy with dreams bigger than the world itself everything felt impossible.

“Don't forget about me when you're all big and famous, yeah?” you smiled up at him.

Charles looked down at you, his eyes were glossy but the smile on his lips was enough to melt your heart, he threw his head back in a laugh.

“I dont think I'm ever getting rid of you.”

Now it was your turn to laugh, “at least your self aware charlie.”

After all the laughing he noticed how your eyes shifted from his own to his lips, and then he remembered why he was avoiding you in the first place.

“y/n..” he whispered, oh how he whispered your name in his little broken accent, your heart melted as he backed away.

“I know, I know.”

You smiled and placed your head back on his shoulders looking at the sun that was nearly gone.

“You know I'm too old for you, right?” Charles whispered as he leaned his head on yours that was resting on his arm.

“I'm in it for the long game leclerc.” Charles giggled as he let his cheek get comfy on your head, pushing his side into you as you fully watched the sun disappear over the sea.

On the night of your 18th birthday Arthur had taken you out to your first club, you drank, alot…

Charles happened to be at the same club, so when your drunk body collided with his you couldn't help but wrap your arm around his torso, clinging onto him.

He gently placed hand on the small of your back smiling as you leaned on him.

Charles was 20 now, soon to turn 21 and had just signed a contract with alfa romeo, he was officially in formula one. Even Though you were proud of him you missed having him around.

You stood on your heels, leaning up to his ear as Charles met your movements and bent down to hear you better in the loud club and your heart fluttered at the small action of his ear hovering near your face.

“I'm eighteen now charlie.” he could hear the smile in your voice.

“I know, happy birthday mon amour.” kissing your forehead, this was the closest you had ever been to him before, and you craved more. He had never called you the nickname before, he was teasing you.

“I'm officially an adult nowwwww.” you longed out his ear before you hand palmed his cheek. You so desperately wanted to kiss him.

“Y/n.” His tone was serious as he caught onto your intentions.

“Y/nnn.” You teased him back, imitating his serious tone and rolling your eyes as you do so.

“I know you want to Charlie, come on…” you giggled at him, but you were drunk and a mess, so the arm around your waist was to stop you from falling flat on your arse not because he just wanted to touch you, you thought. You pushed his hand off you and stood up straight, Charles sighed as he placed his hand back on the small of your back, you looked up at him. The stupid little puppy dog eyes that he refused to listen to.

“I'm too old for you, love.” Charles' hand once again held you close as you started to lose your balance again, “and you're too drunk.”

“Drunk on love.” you exclaimed, Charles laughed, like really laughed and you couldn't help but admire the creases around his eyes. He moved your arm over his shoulder so he could hold you up.

“Let's find Arthur and get you home, okay?” but as Charles pulled away you pulled him back.

“I've waited eighteen years, Charlie, I'm sure I have the patience to wait a bit longer.”

Charles thought maybe you had forgotten that night, but you remembered the way his hand was filmy stuck to the small of your back most of the night, and how he lent down to hear you and how his stubble felt in the palm of your hand, and the butterflies only got worse.

You were falling harder everyday and you hated yourself for it, he didn't like you back.

Charles carried on with his f1 career with alfa romeo that year and you took up a journalism degree, following around arthur as he navigated the world of f3. You would occasionally bump into Charles when the boys had races at the same circuit.

But with his first Monaco race you obviously had to be there to support him.

Charles hated how his heart beat boomed in his ear when he saw you standing in his garage with your old ferrari cap on and an alfa romeo shirt with the number 16 on the back hugging your chest.

You truly had blossomed into a beautiful young woman and Charles found it harder to stay away. Your hair isn't frizzy anymore and you had for sure gone through puberty, he didn't like to stare but he found it hard not to sometimes. Especially on family boat trips when you would wear a bikini in front of him.

The worst part is you hadn't even openly flirted with him in a while, and he couldn't seem to figure out why, and that bothered him so much more than he liked.

The small little y/n that used to follow him everywhere, always latched to his arm, looking up at him with heart eyes. I mean, you weren't sixteen anymore that was sure, but Charles couldn't help but feel a sense of abandonment that you weren't head over heels for him anymore.

Charles needed to snake off that weird feelling in his stomach.

You were now 19 about to turn 20, it was the off season and you couldn't wait to soak up some sun on the leclerc yacht. Your favourite summer getaway.

You drove up to the small paddock on a little beach and climbed onto the grey boat, it was charles’, of course. The whole family was there, you were talking to pascal as arthur pulled you around the side of the boat, nearly causing you to break an ankle.

“Erm hello? Watch it.” you scolded him for pulling you so ruffly.

“You're over the whole in love with my older brother thing, right?” he asked, his hand running through his hair.

“I- i why?” you said, clocking your head to the side at Arthurs panicked manor. He knew you had been doing great this year, and he also knew why you declined every single boy that had attempted to ask you out on a date this year.

“Okay, erm,'' Arthur stood up straight and scratched the back of his head.

“Forget your stuff, let's just get off this boat. And er, don't turn around okay?” he tried to nonchalantly say, his hands gripping your shoulders were a dead give away something was wrong though.

You nodded your head and followed Arthur down the steps of the boat before stopping in your tracks.

“Since when have I ever listened to you? I going to read my book on the sun-”

Your mouth fell open as you turned around to be met with Charles, your Charles with a girl.

A pretty girl, beautiful actually, she was slim and perfect and her smile was enough to make you want to crumble in a ball.

She was leaning on him, grabbing his bicep as her hand brushed through his hair, he was laughing like really and truly laughing at whatever it was she had to say and you had never felt emotions like the ones you felt in that moment.

You felt like he had personally ripped your heart out himself, no remorse, and had just served it back to you on a silver platter.

He really didn't want you.

“y/n, i didn't even know he was bringing her i-”

“You knew?”

Arthur sighed before running his hands through his hair, “it's been around four months, mum really likes her, she's nice. I mean she's not you, but he's happy so i can't complain.'' Arthur shrugged his shoulders, not sure how to console you in that moment.

You turned away from the happy couple and sat on the small steps that lead down to the bottom of the yacht. Arthur sat down next to you, pulling your body into his as he wrapped his arm around you.

“What about me? When will I be happy?”

You hadn't realised you were crying until Arthur grabbed your arm and pulled you straight off the boat.

That was your wake up call, you had spent too much of your life waiting for someone that never wanted you. 19 years to be exact, a sad sad story to anyone that knew you. You were embarrassed and angry at yourself.

You needed to actually move on.

So that's what you did.

And that's when you met him, a young british boy, he was around your age and drove for a papaya team that shared the f1 grid with charles.

Lando norris.

He was 20, awkward, way too cocky for only his second year, and when you bumped into him in Bahrain of 2020 you chose him to be the one to make you move on.

He asked for your number a few races later and the two of you used to text all the time. He took you on cute picnic dates, asked if he could kiss you before he did, and overall was the kindest most respectful boyfriend a girl could ask for. You were actually happy, and it only took nineteen years.

It was imola when you bumped into Charles in the paddock, his brother wasn't here so he was confused as to why you were here, but then he saw the McLaren hat on your head and his eyebrows furred evenmore.

“y/n?”

“Hello, charles.” you gave him a tight lip smile before moving past him but he chased after you why you walked down the paddock strip. Past the ferrari garage.

“You're a McLaren fan now, huh?”

“Yep.”

Charles' heart hurt at your bluntness, he grabbed your arm so you would stop walking and talk to him.

“y/n.” serious charles. That stupid tone that usually made you freeze and obey whatever he had to say.

But this time you rolled your eyes and pulled your arm from his grip.

“Charles, I really have to be somewhere.” you lied, checking your watch.

“Like a journalism thing? Why didn't you tell me you were going to be here, you could have flown with me and Joris?” and Charlotte, but he didn't mention that.

You really tried to pull your eyes from the red drivers suit that was wrapped around his hips, he was a ferrari driver now and you had never been more happy for him. You just wanted to wrap your arms around him and tell him how proud you were of him.

But right at this moment, you had never wanted to create more distance between you both.

“y/n?”

Both of your heads snapped as Lando ran up to you, you coughed and took a step back from charles.

Landos arm wrapped around your shoulder as he put out a fist for Charles to spud. Charles' eyes were glued to landos arm resting on your shoulder and he could feel the blood pumping in his heart speeding up.

Lando kissed your temple and Charles' eyes were glued to yours.

“Charles.” Lando smiled nodding his head.

“Lando.'' Charles' voice was laced with venom, not that Lando noticed.

“So you guys are?” Charles' eyebrows furred pointing between you both.

“We havent you know, labelled it yet. It's still kind of new” you smiled, it had been months.

“But I'm happy, really happy.” Charles knew that was a message to him, you were happy and he needed to leave you be. But with Lando of all people, Charles couldn't seem to shake this one off.

Charles mumbled something about needing to be somewhere and walked away from you both. Lando again oblivious to the interaction as his arm stayed secured around you and he balabbed on about the race as you walked to the McLaren motorhome.

Charles hated him.

Charles hated himself for his feelings.

He didn't know why he was so bothered, he had never been this bothered, nothing gotten to him like you and Lando just did. Joris told him maybe it was because he had a soft spot for you deep down, he joked that maybe Charles liked you back and Charles ignored him for the rest of the weekend at that accusation. But that didn't mean he didnt ignore his words.

It was over, you grew up and he should feel relieved you've moved on, right?

He broke up with Charlotte a month later.

Charles scoffed when you first bought lando along to family night, he hated how your mum loved his accent and how arthur laughed at all his jokes. He hated that he hadn't caught your eye all night, instead your eyes were glued on the stupid little british boys. Charles hated it, he sat there like a toddler that hadn't gotten their own way all night. He knew it was wrong but he hated his feelings more than he hated lando being sat at his table.

Charles was in the kitchen, he was picking at the leftover pie on the table top as everyone else was outside fawning over one of landos stories, he had really charmed the family.

His mother walked into the kitchen as he was taking a bite of cherry pie looking like a caught child, she laughed at the cherry stains in the corner of his mouth and passed him a tissue.

The pair stood in silence for a moment before Pascal spoke up.

“That's definitely not allowed in your diet, my sweet.” she smirked knowing the driver's strict diet.

“But you won't tell on me maman.” Charles flashed his puppy dog eyes as his mum laughed at his actions. She sighed and moved closer to him as he stood up straight.

“You have a lot on your mind my boy, and don't tell me you don't because I gave birth to you, I know you better than you know yourself.”

“Maman.” Charles sighed.

“This is about her isn't it?” Charles' eyes refused to look at his mother at her words.

“I don't even need to say her name, it's her, it will always be her.” she smiled as she walked over to her son and placed a hand on his cheek.

“She's happy, Charles.'' he heard the sternness in his mothers voice.

“So everyone keeps telling me.” Charles scoffed again.

“So then you know you're being an ass, right?”

Charles' eyes widened at his mothers language but she just laughed and waved him off.

“After all the years she spent pining after you, Charles, it would be cruel for you to not let her be happy.”

“But what if I'm not happy?” he asked his mum, she just sent him a sympathetic smile and grazed his cheek once more.

“Do you love her?”

“I dont know.” Charles shrugged.

“See, it would be cruel to break her heart over this kind of uncertainty. Either you love her or you're just jealous. You have a lot of thinking to do my boy, but don't do anything until you're really sure. She's fragile when it comes to you.”

Charles nodded his head.

His mum was right, he really did have a lot of thinking to do.

And as if on queue there she was, walking into the kitchen, the widest smile on her face as she grabbed another beer from the fridge. She had started to let her curls rome free recently and it was sending charles’ heart into a spiral, with her stupid little shorts and crocs and no doubt she had conned lando into giving her his jumper.

She used to do that to him, Charles thought, remembering all the times you had tricked him into stealing his hoodies.

She smiled at Charles mum and told her again that the food was lovely, nodding at Charles, and she left just as quick as she came in.

“Maman, I'm so in love with her it physically hurts me.”

And there it was, the words you had so desperately wanted to hear your whole life, but you didn't hear a sound as Charles vowed to never say it again out loud. Your happiness came before his.

Charle suffered for a year, he knew he loved you, he had said it out loud once and the vulnerability he felt in that moment knowing you were stood just 15 feet away with the boy you were in love with was enough to make him swear to never voice his feelings again, he was embarrassed and wanted the world to swallow him whole. The worst part was the guilt, he could only feel like he had let one of the best things go, slip straight from his grasp all for a bit of pride. He didn't want to be seen with the young naive girl that had a crush on him, but now he just felt stupid. Stupid that he didn't recognise your love for him sooner, he had always thought you were one of the most amazing humans he had ever met, he found himself looking for you in other people when he didn't even know it. He was stupid, and he knew that for sure.

Charles dedicated the rest of the year to focusing on his f1 seat, with ferrari fucking him and sebastian over and over and after his wins at spa and monza he felt hungry for more and felt that the true love of his life should be formula one.

But his heart hurt when he didn't hear from you after his win in spa, and then it crushed him again when you didn't contact him after his result at monza.

No call.

Not even a text.

He had fully let you slip from his grasp.

It was a long year for Charles that year, and as summer break quickly approached he found girls and training were his favourite pastime. He stopped turning up to family events when he knew lando would be there and you were in love and happy. After a while it was a rarity he would even stay at an event for an hour.

He was 22 and as a new season started the only thing he was talking from lando was his teammate, not that charles was complaining. He liked Carlos, and he was ready to step up and take that 1st driver's seat. He was ready to make everyone proud just like you had promised him that night on the beach.

After a while charles mothers birthday rolled around, one he would definitely not miss as his mother requested a small family meal. Everyone was sitting, looking over the menu when Charles undoubtedly noticed the missing presence of you.

“Where's y/n?” Charles asked Lorenzo, who was sitting next to him.

Lorenzo just shrugged and turned his attention back to his menu, was it normal for you to not attend family outings? Charles hadn't been around for so long he didn't even think to consider that maybe she didn't turn up to these things anymore either.

“With Lando I suppose.” Charles murmured, he tried not to sound jealous but the older brother just laughed.

“Lando?” as he turned to his younger brother.

“Why would she- you really haven't spoken to her have you?” Lorenzo asked, his eyes widening at the thought of his brother being so dumb.

Charles just shrugged his shoulders as he urged his brother to continue.

“They broke up, a while ago actually.”

Charles didnt know why his shoulders felt lighter but he chose to ignore it and try to press some more information out of his brother.

“So? First break up, we've all been there, doesn't mean she can't be here for mamans birthday.'' Charles rolled his eyes as he tried to act like he didn't care.

“She's not even in the country charles.”

Charles' head snapped towards his brothers, “She's taking a gap year, last I heard she was staying in Australia for a while.”

Lorenzo could see the gears turning in charles’ head; he knew he wanted to ask more so he answered for him.

“Hey Arthur, where's y/n these days?” Lorenzo asked his other brother who was at the other end of the table with his girlfriend.

Arthur shrugged before answering, “Still in australia at the moment, she really likes it there, but i told her she cant like it to much because there's no way i'm sitting on a plane for twelve hours every time i want to actually see her face and not on a phone screen.” arthur joked, everyone else laughed along with him for a moment until charles countered up the courage to speak up.

“Why didn't she just travel with formula one? She wanted to be an F1 journalist anyway.”

Arthur's eyes narrowed at his brother.

You definitely hadn't meant to cause it, but there was a small crack in between the brothers' relationship within the last year. Arthur definitely blamed Charles and his stupid effects on you for you running away.

“She wanted to be away from f1 for a while.'' Arthur told his brother like it wasn't the most obvious thing in the world, hoping to squash this table subject, not really wanting to talk about his run away best friend.

“I mean I don't blame her, especially when her Lando ended like it did. She's living her best life.” Carla, Arthurs girlfriend chimed in. Arthur slightly winced at his girlfriend's words not wanting this to be the dinner conversation tonight, especially when Charles clearly knew nothing about y/n's life within the last year.

“What?'' Charles asked the table, but no one answered him, instead everyone's heads were down dead planted down at the table, everyone except for Carla who had no idea what she had just started.

“Why did no one tell me what's been going on?” charles raised his voice slightly, catching the attention from everyone else on the table.

Charles mother intervened knowing where this was going, “charles, not right now-”

“No, she's been going through something and no one even thought to mention it? What the fuck.”

Arthur was visibly turning red, Charles noticed as Lorenzo's head was shaking telling his little brother now wasn't the time, pleading Arthur to just bite his tongue.

“Say it arthur.”

The flame was lit.

“And who do you think upset her in the first place, charles?” Arthur tutted, picking up his menu pretending to scan it so he didn't have to pay attention to the conversation anymore.

“Drop it, arthur.” Lorenzo sternly interrupted.

“Considering no ones told me anything how the fuck am i supposed to answer that question?” Charles spat back at his brother.

Arthurs cheeks were a visible red now, he was about to blow up. Something he had been holding in for a while. He slammed his menu down and turned to look at his older brother.

“You know what Charles, you have no right! No fucking right, sorry maman for the language-” charles mum just put her hands up in defence as she let her youngest son get it all off his chest.

“She loved you, and you constantly broke her heart and told her no and then when she was finally happy in a relationship you had to go tell the world you love her so much that ‘it physically hurts you!” Arthur mugged his brother's words.

Charles was shocked, he had no idea what was happening.

No one knew of his feelings towards you, no one except- charles head snapped towards his mother who pulled a tight lip smile and just shaked her head in a no. Charles was about to deny deny deny when-

“Yeah, she heard it. And it fucking broke her charles. It was mean and it was selfish, and I've never despised someone more than you for what you did to MY best friend.”

“Arthur-”

“I'm not finished. Then you have the decency to finally come to a family meal for the first time in nearly a year, nearly a year charles! And ask about her like you didn't completely cut her and us out of your life? You're selfish, completely and utterly selfish charles.”

Charles sat at the table pale, he felt the colour drain from his face as he scrambled to find the words to say but his mouth didn't open.

“You really do pick and choose your moments brother, I don't know why I even came tonight, I'm sorry maman but I told you I wouldn't be able to sit in a room with him.”

Arthur stood up, he grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair and took Carla's hand in the other.

“I'm really sorry maman, and everyone else, happy birthday, i guess.” Arthur gave his mother a hug and walked out of the restaurant with carla. Leaving everyone else at the table in pure shock.

Especially Charles, he had know idea what to say, he looked up at his mother opposite him who looked at him with sympathy.

“My sweet boy, I'm sorry to say it but there was some truth to your brother's words. I told you she was fragile.”

Charles felt awful.

Charles felt like he was going to cry at the table.

It had been a long year for Charles, he had groveld for the most of it, thinking you were happy somewhere while Lando flew you anywhere and everywhere around the world. Now he came to think of it, maybe there was a better reason for the young mclaren driver avoiding him.

He wasn't really friends with Lando, but his teammate, Carlos was close with the boy and whenever there was an offer for the three of them to hang out Lando magically had something come up and couldn't attend.

It all made sense now. Even the fact he hadn't seen you in the paddock, he thought maybe you were caught up in your studies, oh how he was wrong.

He sat at the table for the rest of the meal, and with every passing comment he didn't think he could sink more into his chair.

He was an awful person, he thought.

When the family were leaving the restaurant Charles hugged his family members, swallowing the anxiety and embarrassment down.

He looked over at Lorenzo who sent him a sympathetic smile, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Tonight wasn't supposed to go like that, i told arthur to just drop it i-”

“No, it's okay. I deserved it.”

“I dont know, you fucked up, but you didnt need to run, nether did she.'' Lorenzo, his older brother shrugged.

“What happened? With her and lando." Charles pushed.

“alot .” lorezono chucked.

“I don't know if it's my place to-” enzo sighed at that stupid little puppy dog face his younger brother was pulling.

“I'm pretty sure she cheated on him, Arthur said as she fell into a bit of a hole. So the only thing she really could do was just leave Monaco for a while. She seems good, Charles, healthy and happy." Lorenzo shrugged, watching as Charles' eyes widened and he latched onto every word.

“If it's any closure she's not mad at you, Arthur, well I'm sure he would be he loves y/n like a twin sister, but she's not mad at you. She was just confused and hurt.”

“If i call her-'' Charles started but his voice flattened as he realised it would ne dumb to contact you.

“Call her Charles, I'm sure she would be happy to hear from you.”

You knew what today was, arthur's molthers birthday. You had called her in the morning sending her your love and wishes, she told you that Charles was attending the meal and Arthur would be on his best behaviour, little did you know.

You wondered if Charles knew what you were up to, if pascal or lorenzo had been keeping him in the loop.

You were at the beach, cocktail in hand and book in the other, your earphones were in as you hummed to the faint sound of the music and read, but you were disturbed when the rigging was a call from your phone echoing through your earphones, charles.

Pick it up.

You couldn't do it.

Your body froze in place, you pulled your airpods out, throwing down your book, not caring that you lost the page you were on. You took in a deep breath and picked up your phone, and just as your thumb hovered over the answer button, the ringing stopped.

He had called you?

You needed a moment to think about what you were going to say to him, what he would say.

You so desperately wanted to hear his voice, it had been a year, and you wondered if that was enough time for feelings to vanish.

You looked out at the calm seas for a moment, did you really want to fall back into a loop of pining for him like a puppy. You loved him, loved, past tense. You were a grown woman now, so you opened your phone and called him back.

Ringing.

“Hello?” his voice echoed through the phone.

“Charles?”

You heard his sigh of relief over the phone, and your heart melted all over again, he hadn't even spoken yet, but the closeness of his presence made it all too real.

“I'm sorry.”

He's sorry?

“Charles-”

“I'm sorry, okay. Arthurs right, I was mean and I was selfish and you deserved so much more than what I did to you. From the bottom of my heart y/n/n, I'm so so incredibly sorry.”

“It's- it's okay.”

You forgave him.

“It's not.”

There was a silence that lingered for a moment.

“What I said, what you heard, it wasn't supposed to happen like that. I really didn't want it to happen that way.” he pleaded over the phone, his breathy voice echoing through the speaker.

“I want to see you.”

More silence.

“Please, y/n.”

“Okay.”

More silence.

“Soon, okay.” There was promise to your words.

“Soon.” he repeated, as though it was something for him to hold onto.

Soon.

“When I'm ready Charles I'll come home, I'm just not ready yet.” you winced at your own words because you so desperately wanted to see him too.

“Then don't come home- i'll come to you, i'll catch the next plane if i have too just tell me where you are-”

“Charles, I'm not ready yet.” you interrupted him.

Silence.

Charles wanted to cry, hearing your voice and knowing you were just within reach he wanted to see you, hold you, apologise as much as you would allow him to. He wanted to kiss you and hug you and love you forever, but you weren't ready.

“I'll wait for you, okay? Soon or not.” his voice cracked, and god did it melt your heart.

“I'll see you soon charlie.”

This was feeling a little too much like a goodbye for charles.

“y/n?”

“Yeah?”

“Am I too late?’

“Time doesn't apply when it comes to you.” and Charles had hope. He hadn't fully let you slip, yet.

Charles would now spend every waking moment wondering how soon was soon?

But after a while he figured ‘soon’ was a little long, three more months to be precise.

You had left Australia, travelled around more like you wanted to, and you came back to Monaco just before the end of the f1 season.

Charles was already in Abu Dhabi by the time you landed back in monaco.You had asked everyone to not tell him of your arrival.

You were sitting with Arthur in his mothers living room, just like the old days. You told him about your travels while he updated you on his love life and gossip in the paddock.

You had missed this.

And it wasn't until pascal passed you a warm cup of tea and sat with the two of you, sharing her own gossip from the hair salon you realised how much you were ready to be home again.

Arthur had run to his room quickly to grab his trophies to show you and as he walked out of the room your eyes lingered on the suitcases by the door.

“You're going to Abu dhabi?” you asked pascal.

“Tomorrow.” she smiled at you.

Pascal could visibly see the gears turning in your head, she placed a hand on your knee and smiled up at you.

“I don't want to pressure you y/n, and i know you just got back but you should consider it.”

You knew what she meant and you nodded at her with a small smile, and Arthur came back.

You went home a few hours later and sat in your room, if you go you'll see him, but you're going to see him at some point regardless.

You felt vulnerable.

So completely scared, but that didn't stop you from texting Arthur that night telling him you were going to join him and his family tomorrow.

You were going to see him.

Your time was up.

You were ready.

You meet up with the leclerc family at the airport in the early hours of the morning, your suitcase gripped in your hand as you were mentally preparing yourself to sit on the plane and go over any and every possible outcome this weekend could have.

Arthur sat with Carla at the front, and Pascal was fast asleep. But the chair next to you suddenly became occupied when you looked up and saw the eldest leclerc.

“You look well, y/n.” he smiled down at you.

“Thank you.” you smiled back at lorenzo.

“I think the time away did you good, no?”

“yeah, i really needed some space, but now i'm back and just feeling a little..” you stumbled on your words, struggling to describe your emotions.

“Overwhelmed?”

“Yeah, exactly that.”

“Does he know you're coming?” you knew the ‘he’ lorenzo was referring too.

“I dont think so.”

“He's going to be happy to see you.” lorenzo nudged your shoulder.

“I hope so.” you nervously chucked.

You took in a deep breath and looked back at the eldest leclerc brother, “I'm just anxious, I have no idea how this weekend will pan out. The next time I'll be back on this plane going home I could be happy, sad, crying or planning to run away again. I just feel so lost.”

“Lost isn't a bad thing.'' Lorenzo shrugged.

“He's just as lost as you y/n, trust me. I just hope you both figure it out, you both deserve the peace of mind. And if this all goes to shit, you still got on this plane today and tried.”

“I just don't want to get my hopes up.”

“Then don't, sometimes things aren't just meant to be.”

That's what was worrying, you had loved this man for years, and now was the deciding day if he loved you back or not and you don't know if you were ready to give up the fantasy of him

being the love of your life up yet.

You weren't mentally prepared for the shit outcome of this story, you didn't know if you could handle Charles breaking your heart another time.

When the plane landed and the warm air hit your skin you took in a deep breath. Time to face the music.

You went straight to your hotel, it was a Friday so Charles was about to participate in fp1 by the time you turned up to the track.

The smell of burnt rubber and the sound of happy fans filled your ears, you had missed being in the paddock more than you knew. This place was your home.

You were walking with Arthur and Carla when your name was called, judging by the accent you knew it wasn't the monegasque, it was the papaya coloured boy running up to you.

You told Arthur and Carla you would catch up with them as you stopped and smiled at lando who had now reached you.

“Hey.” he smiled.

“Hey.” you smiled back awkwardly.

“Listen lando, you deserve an explanation-”

“It's okay y/n, we were young, it was a while ago you’re forgiven.” Lando chuckled as he poked your shoulder.

“But that doesn't mean what I did was okay, you deserve more than what I gave you.”

Lando gave you a sympathetic smile.

“Consider it done with, okay? No hard feelings.”

You smiled up at the British boy, he looked good, he seemed well and that made your guilt feel a little less painful.

“I erm, I have a girlfriend actually, she's great, her names luisa.”

You watched as he lips upturned at the mention of his girlfriend, he was smitten.

“I'm happy for you landini.”

You both laughed for a moment, the free air was nice. Seeing lando meant there was a weight lifted off your shoulders.

“I just wanted to see how you were doing, I didn't want things to be awkward.” he said.

“I don't think I could ever be awkward around you.” Lando smiled at your words.

“Are you still thinking about becoming an F1 journalist?” he asked, remembering how it was your dream, he had also hoped your disappearance in the paddock for the last year wasn't his doing, stopping you from reaching your dream.

You smiled as he remembered, “I'm working on it.”

“Well i hope i see you around more often then, you deserve it y/n, really.”

Lando was getting called from the other end of the paddock as he had to be in his car within the next 10 minutes, you both shared a hug and it felt nice to feel comfortable with him.

His hands squeezed your back before saying a quick bye and skipping down the paddock.

As he pulled away and walked past, your eyes connected with them all to familiar grey ones you were so nervous to see.

Charles.

He didn't seem too happy though.

He had just watched you smile and laugh with your ex in the middle of the paddock and then hug him bye, even though you thought nothing of it, Charles' mind was spinning.

There he was, a tight lipped smile right opposite you. He had grown out his stubble and he looked tired. You knew he hadn't had the best of seasons with Ferrari, you didn't keep up with it too much, it upset you that his childhood team had failed him massively.

He nodded his head and followed his press officer in the opposite direction, but you weren't going to let him go just yet.

“Charles, wait!”

And before you could process it you were running, sprinting down the paddock after him, but he had already disappeared into ferrari hospitality.

“Shit.” you mumbled as you jogged down to the garages in hopes of catching up with him.

You scanned your pass and walked into the back of the garage Pascal had walked up to you and grabbed your hand.

“You need to put some headphones on dear, it gets loud in -”

“Pascal, where did he go?” you asked her frantically, like a mad woman out of breath.

“Charles?”

“yes!”

A slight smile just appeared on her face as she turned around, “Be quick dear, I think I can see him putting his balaclava on.” She pushed your shoulder and you walked around the red barrer that clearly said ‘no public entry’.

“You can't be back here, ma'am.” a security officer grabbed the back of your bicep.

“No, I need to get through, it's an emergency.” you whined, pulling your arm from his grip.

“I'm sorry ma’am, it's a safety hazard.” the man's grip tightened on your arm as he pulled you away from the back of the garage. You pushed off him but his grip only improved as he swept you off the floor, lifting you up at your attempt to run. You kicked your legs like a child learning to swim and kicked arms that trapped you.

“If you refuse to cooperate, I'll have no choice but to remove you from the garage.” he said, trying to dodge your feisty little kicks.

“And If you don't get your slimy huge hands off me right now i'm going to-”

“y/n?!”

Your head snapped at the sound of your name, Jorris, Charles' best friend.

“Jorris, oh thank god!”

“She's okay, she can come in.” Jorris grabbed your other hand and wiggled you away from the huge security man's grip as he dropped you back to the floor. You brushed off your dress and gave the security man a dirty look before turning to Charles' best mate.

“Jorris, where is he?” your breathing was rapid and your heart beat feeling like it was thumping out your chest.

“y/n you really shouldn't.” he sent you a sympathetic smile.

“Please.” you pleaded with him. After seeing you try to fight a six foot five security man Joris really didn't want to feel the wrath of you right now, so he complied.

“You have five minutes, follow me.” he led you through the back of the garage.

Whenever Charles got in the car he liked to be left alone to his own devices, it was his switch off time, but you knew on some occasions he didn't mind the company, you just needed to talk to him, tell him you were here for him. You didn't want him getting in the car overthinking that you were here for lando.

And before you knew it, there he was, standing in front of you, you were painting out of breath with your hands on your knees as you looked up at him.

Charles giggled as you held up a finger to let him know you were still getting your breath back. He pulled his ear pieces out of his ear and zipped up the rest of his race suit.

“I hate to rush you, but I have to be in the car in four minutes.” Charles frowned, “and four minutes aren't enough for what I have to say to you, y/n.”

“Let's keep it short and sweet then.” you stood up straight and smiled at the boy.

“Im sor-” he started but you cut him off.

“That's not what I meant by sweet.”

Charles squeezed his eyes and winced at his name being called behind him, he opened his eyes and saw you beaming up at him and he knew he was in love, he just wasn't going to tell you yet, especially not if he had just witnessed you make up with lando. Lando made you happy, Lando didn't break your heart on multiple occasions like he had. Charles wouldn't blame you if you went back to the British driver.

You tilted your head to the left and smiled at Chris, Charles' manager. He was pointing at his watch and tapping his foot.

You looked back at Charles and took in a deep breath, you stood on your tip toes and placed your arms on his shoulders, gently placing a kiss to his cheek.

Your soft lips connecting with his ruff stubble is something Charles cherished, he couldn't wipe the Cheshire cat grin off his face.

“I know it's only a practice session, but good luck out there charlie.”

“Thank you.” he smiled, trying to hide his blush. He couldn't believe he was blushing and how the roles had reversed between the two of you.

“What about lando?” he had to ask, it was on his mind.

“I'm not standing next to Lando wishing him good luck right now, am i?” you smirked at him.

Charles smiled before looking back at his manager, he bent down and kissed your forehead like he had done a thousand times, but this time it felt different, electric, it felt like love. It was love.

“I'll be waiting for you, okay?” you told him.

Charles smiled to himself, he wasn't too late.

If anything was on Charles' side that day it wasnt timing. Charles finished fp2 with a few flying laps and a heavy heart, his first plan was to find you but his press officer had forced him to do interviews, and then he had a meeting and then he had checked his watch and it was way past nine and he knew you were probably back at the hotel by now.

He huffeed as he left his meeting, grabbing his jumper and keys and saying goodbye to the engineers that were going to work on the car overnight.

He had it all planned in his head, he was going to get some flowers on the way home, knock on your hotel door and ask you on a date.

“Charles!” called out his manager, he really hoped he didn't have to stay in this hell hole any longer, he just wanted to leave the track and get his girl.

“What?” he huffed.

“She waited.”

“What?” Charles repeated, his manager now having his full attention.

Charles caught the way his manager's lips turned into a devilish smirk, but he wasn't looking at Charles, yet something behind him. When he whipped his head around there you were, his heart thumped at the massively oversized ferrari jacket one of the staff must have given you to keep you warm while you waited.

You just smiled at him and waited for him to walk to you, but charles sprinted, he was a man on a mission and when he got to you his hands slipped around your waist, pulling you up in the air for a moment before he dropped you back down, his hands still remaining tightly wrapped around your torso.

He tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear before placing his forehead on yours.

“Take what's yours charlie.” you smiled.

Charles' thumb gently traced over your plump bottom lip before he placed his hand on your cheek, smiling like an idiot.

He slowly grazed his lips on your before gently adding pressure and connecting your soft lips with his in a quick kiss. A kiss that was full of smiles as Charles pulled you as close to him as possible. Towering over you as he kissed you unlike he had kissed anyone ever. The way your lips moved in sync with his was magic to him, it had never felt like this before.

He pulled back letting you get some air, before using that as leverage to stick his tongue in your mouth, he put all his power and passion into the kiss and it was just as you imagined him to be with you. Sensual and passionate.

Your hands ran along his shoulders and up to his head where you gently tucked on his hair. Charles groned on your lips and eventually pulled back, he giggled as he placed his forehead on yours again.

“All mine, finally.” He said through a wide smile.

“I've always been yours…”

Thank you for reading!! Here’s a gif of baby Charles because this is how i imagined him when y/n had her teenage crush. Bare faced and spiky hair🥹

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7seas-of-ryy · 2 months

Text

I Need You | Part 6

Author’s Note: I'm having so much fun writing this!! Thank you all for reading, it truly means so much to me :))

Summary: You finally get some answers, but will they help you with your pain?

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Warnings: angst, let me know if I need to add any others :)

"What're you waiting for? Speak" Az growled at Eris.

Eris slowly looked at you, hesitating, trying to figure out the right thing to start with.

"Perhaps I should talk to y/n in private." he stated

Rhys turned and looked at you. You felt him at your mind, asking to come in and opened the gate for him.

What do you want to do? I'll leave this one up to you

For a moment, you went back and forth, deciding what would be best. What the old, normal version of you would do.

"They can hear whatever it is you have to say" You decided

Rhys guided all of you up to his office. Az sat on a couch to your right while Lucien sat on a couch to your left. You were going to just stand instead of having to pick which male to sit by. It felt like a much bigger choice than it seemed to be. But the pain in your legs was already becoming too much.

You moved to your left, sitting next to Lucien. Azriel's face dropped but you couldn't bare to look at him. Cass took the seat next to him, patting him on the shoulder, a quiet comfort, and Eris moved by Rhys' desk.

"The man that kidnapped you was Tassarion. He is the son of one of my father's old Generals," Eris paused, looking at you for confirmation to continue. You nodded at him

"Long ago, that General... got ahold of a woman. He planned on taking her back to the castle and keeping her for pleasure. After a while of holding her prisoner, she managed to get a weapon and fight back. She ended up murdering him. Tassarion wanted revenge but didn't know who the woman was, until recently. Somehow he found out. That woman was your mother." He stated

Your mother? It hit you, your mother had gone missing in the Autumn Court. They must have killed your father and taken her. You thought about the irony in Azriel saving you from them only for him to forget about you years later while those same people kidnapped you.

You could hear all of the males speaking but it sounded as if you were underwater. You stared straight ahead, all of the emotions starting to become too much.

Push them down. Don't panic. Be strong. You do not need anyone.

You stood quickly, too quickly and all their heads snapped to you.

"So we know why they wanted to hurt me. Why question me about Nyx?" you asked cooly as if none of this was effecting you

Azriel eyed you, knowing you needed to let it out. He could see it building inside of you and wanted to help.

"Apparently, Tassarion was tasked with finding out information on Nyx for the Autumn Court to use. Once he found out who you were, it was a done deal to kidnap you. He never would have let you go. Once he broke you and got the information on Nyx, he would have continued torturing you until he killed you." Eris told you

"If." you spoke

"What?" all the males looked confused

"If he broke me, not once he broke me." You said and left the room.

☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆ . • ☆ . ° .• °:. ° . ☆ . • . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆ . ° .• °:. *☆

Azriel knew everything was wrong. He should be holding you, comforting you after the news you had all received. But you barely looked shocked. You looked as if it was just another day as normal.

He knew you weren't ok. His heart broke at the thought of you in so much pain, all alone. He knew you wanted nothing to do with him and he understood that so he didn't push. But he couldn't leave you entirely alone. You needed to know he was there for you.

On top of everything else, the fact that he couldn't gather any information for her was also eating him alive. Eris found all the answers for her, it should have been him. His mind hasn't been right since that night. How could one decision lead to so much agony?

The second they realized she was missing along with Cassian, he had been in a panic. Immediately blaming himself, disgusted with himself. He had told Elain he wouldn't be spending time with her anymore. She didn't take it very well but he didn't care.

His mind was consumed by you, every thought was about you. This is how it had been for him before the Archeron sisters showed up. It was another reason he focused on Elain so much. He knew you deserved someone better than him so he used Elain to take the thoughts of you away. He was a fool.

If there was anything he could do for you, it would be hunting down Tassarion and ending his life. You wouldn't have to worry about him anymore. So he took off in search of the vile male that caused so much destruction.

☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆ . • ☆ . ° .• °:. ° . ☆ . • . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆ . ° .• °:. *☆

You decided to head to the library in the house and read. Maybe that would take your mind off of everything and stop you from bursting. You read for a good couple of hours before you were interrupted.

"Tassarion is dead" Az softly spoke

You hummed in acknowledgment, "I suppose you took care of it?"

"Yes, you don't have to worry about him anymore. I won't let anything happen to you...anything else." the spymaster told you

"Thank you." you said and went back to your book.

Azriel knew everything was wrong. You hadn't shown any emotion since the first time you woke up. And now you find out everything about your mom, and that Az murdered your captor and all you say is thank you?

"You know, it's ok to not be ok" your friend told you

"I'm fine" You were still not ready to talk to him. He's the reason it was so easy for them to take you. You waited so long for him. Plus, you wouldn't become a burden to anyone else. So, again, you shoved all those feelings down and continued on.

Looking up at Az, you patted the spot next to you in invitation. If you wanted him to think you were ok, you had to stop avoiding him. He sat next to you and you continued reading.

Eventually your eyes grew heavy and you decided to go up to your room to sleep. Az offered to take you but you just smiled and told him it was alright.

You entered your room and saw a vase full of flowers next to your bed. You furrowed your eyebrows and walked over to them. There was a little note with your name on it so you picked it up.

It read, "y/n - enjoy these flowers from my garden, so sorry you were kept waiting. From Elain"

Something inside of you snapped. How dare she? She convinced him to wait. Azriel was not the only guilty party here. She knew you were waiting for him and she talked him into staying with her instead. Then she leaves these flowers for you and can't even face you herself?

You picked up the vase, slowly examining the flowers. They were dainty and beautiful, just like her. Not ruined like you.

With as much power as you had, you threw them at your mirror.

Both the mirror and vase shattered, glass flying everywhere. You stared at the mess you made as you felt the dam inside you break.

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@tele86 @popcornlauncher @proclivity-for-fantasy-97 @anxious-cactus @amara-moonlight

@whosmys @vanserrasimp @whoevenfrickenknows @secondratecomplaint @fightmedraco

@watermelomsuger @lillilwil @kaitttttttt @andreperez11 @irelanrose

@myromanempiree @s-a-v-a-n-a-34 @thestartitaness @macimads @shizukestar

@iluvyewman-blog @mybestfriendmademe

#azriel shadowsinger #acotar imagine #azriel acotar #acotar #azriel fluff #azriel fanfic #azriel x reader #azriel #azriel spymaster #azriel x you #azriel angst #a court of thorns and roses

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cosmicpearlz · 2 months

Text

fragile hearts

summary: two public figures that try to navigate their relationship with such hectic schedules. at some point, it was bound to come crashing down, right?

pairing: jude bellingham x singer!reader

valentine's day, cryin' in the hotel

i know you didn't mean to hurt me,

so i kept it to myself.

meeting jude had been a complete accident. you had a show in madrid, causing some of the players from real madrid to go. he happened to be one of them, along with vinicius, brahim and eduardo. naturally, you invited them backstage because you were a fan of the well-known football team. jude couldn't take his eyes off of you. memorized by the way you performed on stage. the confidence that flowed from you with every word you sang.

it's been a year since you first met. being boyfriend and girlfriend hasn't always been easy, because of the fact that you guys have to do long distance but you made it work.

"baby!" you yelled across the house, rushing to find jude. you found him sitting on the bed, watching tv. he looks up towards the door when you came running in.

"what's going on sunshine?" you jumped on him and hugged him tightly. jude chuckles, while wrapping his arms around you just as tight.

"i was just asked to perform in barcelona! they have a festival going on and want me to perform."

"that's amazing baby. when is it?"

"on the fourteenth." jude's eyebrows furrowed.

"on valentines day?"

"yeah."

"i have a match that day. you said you would come." he slowly removing his arms from around your waist. you tilt your head in confusion and sit up in his lap.

"i didn't think it would be a problem. i'm at almost all of your matches."

"why didn't you ask?"

"why do i have to? this is huge for my career for them to even want me there."

jude taps your leg gently, making you get out of his lap. in a way, you felt hurt. this was suppose to be a happy moment for you and your boyfriend wasn't being as supportive.

"well congratulations i guess," he grabs his phone and walks out. you sit there dumbfounded at his behavior. you would've never treated him like that. why couldn't he be supportive of this great opportunity?

the days leading up to the date were quiet. it was like a switch flipped off in jude. you guys went from spending pretty much every waking moment together to not even having a conversation that lasted more than five minutes. feeling like strangers rather than boyfriend and girlfriend.

you woke up before jude, knowing he had to leave early and decided to cook him breakfast for valentine's day as a surprise. cooking everything you knew he liked and plated it nicely. you almost couldn't contain the smile that was forming on your face. awkward phase or not, jude was the love of your life and that wasn't going to change.

"good morning baby! happy valentine's day," you walked in the room, finding him siting up against the headboard. you handed him one of the plates and sat across from him on the bed.

"happy valentine's day m'love. thank you for breakfast," jude leans forward and places kisses to your cheek and lips.

"i wanted to do something special for you. oh, plus, i have another surprise for you after my set." the boy's mood was quick to turn sour once again.

"I have my match, remember? oh yeah, you don't care enough to remember."

"jude," you sighed and placed your plate in your lap. "your match is at 10 am and then my set is at 6 pm."

"why can't you come to the match then?"

"they want me there early. i'm sorry babe."

"yeah whatever," he goes to eating the rest of his breakfast in silence.

"please don't spend the rest of our morning like this." you were met with silence, leaving you no choice but to wallow in it. "can you come to my set?" you quietly asked, hoping the answer would be yes even though he's upset. you guys were each others good luck charm.

"we'll see."

"jude, please don't be like that."

"i said, i'll see if i can make it. i don't know what you want me to say," he gets out of bed and makes his way to the kitchen. leaving you behind with a ache in your chest.

"i just wanted you to say that you'll be there," mumbling to yourself, you get up and follow him to the kitchen. jude stood over the sink washing the dishes that was left from you cooking. you slide your plate and fork in the sink, wrapping your arms around his waist after.

"if you can't make it, i understand. just please come to the hotel that my team has me in. i really do have a surprise for you."

"okay." you placed a kiss to his shoulder blade and unwrapped yourself from him, giving him space.

you were buzzing for the rest of the day. excited that your boyfriend's team won the match and this was your first time performing in barcelona. you texted jude, congratulating him on the win. as you were getting dressed, you were hoping that jude would be there in the crowd. especially since madrid was only a six hour drive away from barcelona.

"you ready rockstar?" you excitedly nodded at your manger kate. she gave you a high five and patted your back. you gave her one last smile, before letting the stage production guide you to the stage.

"hello barcelona! thank you, thank you, thank you for inviting me to play," the screams from the crowd making your heart warm. "i'm so excited to play for you all. let's get started, yeah?"

jude watched as you danced around the stage. it reminded him of the first time you guys met. he always loved seeing you in your element. absolutely letting go and just being yourself, while you sang. the boy started to feel guilty about not being happy for you when you first told him the news. he was being petty and reminded himself to apologize when he sees you backstage.

"i love you guys so much. thank you for being here and inviting me! goodnight barcelona," you blew a kiss and waved, as you walked off the stage.

there jude stood with a bouquet of your favorite flowers. you jumped into his arms, pulling him down into a tight hug. he didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around your waist.

"you did so good baby. i'm unbelievably proud of you."

"i can't believe you made it."

"i was dick but i could never miss this moment. love seeing you on stage," jude places kisses all over of your face, causing you to giggle uncontrollably. you pushed his head away and smiled.

"i still have a surprise for you! we should get going."

"after you m'lady," jude dramatically bows as you lead the way. you were excited to finally have a conversation that lasted more than five minutes. going back to the way you guys were before.

"okay, so i worked really hard on this. i wanted to do this as a 'i'm sorry for missing your match'. i really hope you like-" you were cut off by jude's phone ringing. he took the phone out of his pocket and answered it immediately.

"nah, I'm not busy at all," your brows furrowed hearing him say that. it felt like a punch to your gut. as if you weren't showing him the surprise you had been planing for weeks. it takes a couple minutes before he gets off the phone.

"i'm sorry babe, i have to go."

"what?"

"the team wanted to go out to celebrate the win. i'll be back before midnight. i love you," jude kissed your lips and then moved to place one to your forehead as well. he was already walking away before you could get another word in. sighing to yourself, you walked into your hotel room.

you had the room decorated with balloons and rose petals everywhere. figuring that because it was valentine's day, he deserved something nice. instead, you were in the room alone. hoping that he'll be back before midnight like he promised.

he wasn't there. didn't answer a text message nor any of your calls. you waited, watching the time go by quickly. this was enough to make you question your relationship. jude was usually really good with his promises. did he do this on purpose because you missed the match?

"happy valentine's day jude," you whisper to yourself, drinking from the bottle of champagne you bought for your shared time together.

you silently cried to yourself as you watched the clock hit one o'clock in the morning. you felt so alone and unwanted. jude would rather spend time with his teammates than his own girlfriend. maybe the long distance wasn't working for him anymore. maybe he was still being petty. all you knew was that you were hurt. even crying didn't ease the pain that lingered in your chest.

#jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham #jude bellingham one shot #jude bellingham angst #singer!reader #jude bellingham imagine

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skelliko · 6 months

Note

Hi Skelle! ☆ How r you? I hope you have a nice day/night! 🫶🏼 I want to request something.. my request is can you make like a full (not a mandatory) headcanons of how the guys will act if they have a crush on someone? Like how they behaviour will change, how they first meet the reader immediately think “yep, she’s the one”, where, and overall how sappy they can get when they have a crush 🥹 i would like them with baji, kazutora, chifuyu and haitani brothers.

Feel free to ignore this if you feel this is too much cause I don’t wanna stress your cute 🧠💐🎀🩷 brain 🧠💐🎀🩷

Lmao

a/n: hope this is okay, sorry for the wait. i didn't intend to make these all be in a school setting, I had tried to do some in a workplace but It's all I could think off without making it basic 😕

★-Tokyo revengers

๑-context: first interaction + how they act/feel with a crush

๑-featuring: Baji, kazutora, chifuyu, ran, rindou

°- kazutora hanemiya

-- kazutora was forced to stay behind the classroom to finish his work that he hasn't done, the teacher was sat in front of her desk doing whatever a teacher does there while everyone else but him exit out the room. however when you were on your way out you slickly slid a small, folded up piece of paper on the side of kazutora's desk which certainly didn't go unnoticed by him.

-- his eyes went right at you and watched as you walked away almost expecting you to look back at him but you didn't. to then occasionally glance at the teacher to make sure that she doesn't look up as his hand slides towards the note to carefully and quietly open it up. anything could have been written on the note but since he was so focused to not get caught his mind was blank and didn't assume anything right away.

-- the piece of paper held all the answers to the worksheet that he was supposed to complete. to avoid any suspicions from the teacher he immediately placed it flat on the desk underneath his palm to collect himself and not get too ahead of himself, I mean what if the answers are incorrect and your setting him up for longer detention? eventually he risked it and wrote down all the answers that you had given him and handed in his work. and sure enough you become a life saver there, he was able to get out of there quicker than he first anticipated.

-- eventually he came up to you "hey, thanks for the... you know. but why'd you give me 3 incorrect answers? thought you were supposed to be smart" he said it in a almost teasing way, not upset at all about the incorrect answers. but you replied with "because no one would believe you to get them all correct without being forced to do them again" and that right there is the moment that he realised what kind of smart and mischievous person you are, enough that you've captivated his thoughts for the rest of the day and onwards.

• normally he'd get pissed off when forced to stay behind in class, but now, his mind is flooded with you that he's getting stayed back more and more just so that your hand can brush over his desk and give a semi warm piece of paper that you've held safely in your palm on the way to his desk to get him out of a situation that he put himself in, it almost feels like holding your hand. are you aware of what he's doing? probably, but that won't stop him. he also keeps all the pieces of paper even tho they serve no purpose, but knowing that you were the one that gave it to him changes the perspective of those little scraps.

• he has a major urge to be around you, he's craving your presence and voice and he always feels some sort of ache is in body from just thinking about seeing you once the weekend has passed. also the same thing goes for craving your physical touch such as a tight hug or maybe even a scalp massage but he knows that won't happen any time soon but the crave is still there, it's like a maladaptive daydream.

• he also looks at you different compared to others, with you it seems like kazu is looking at an angle with gorgeous white wings and a stunning outfit, whereas with others it seems like their just ants. big difference there.

-- sure you've been in his class for a while but that was the first time you've actually interacted with each other, other than a quick eye contact from looking around the room. there's always that one classmate that you haven't talked to but once you do it changes so much more than you first intended.

• he feels his emotions to a certain extreme level and cause of this he tries to hide it as much as he can otherwise he grows too expressive without realising it. and that can easily make his feelings seem obvious if not tamed correctly. he tries to act casual despite his stomach is turned into a butterfly sanctuary, his palms are grown sweaty, and his breath is held in to get rid of the feeling of jumping about and smiling like a complete idiot. mentally hes turned into a little kid with red cheeks just because his crush smiled at him, someone give the kid an ice pop otherwise he'll overheat. no seriously he's burning up like a fever just being near you.

°- Keisuke baji

-- Baji was getting into some sort of escalating argument after school had ended, him and two guys were getting a little rowdy but because of Baji being in his nerdy disguise at the time he couldn't risk in making a scene

-- but then that's when you butt in and stand by Baji's side. it was certainly a shock to suddenly see you appear beside him and hear you verbalise your opinion and defend him like that against these two delinquents even though he could have easily defended himself despite the circumstances, he could have walked away and led them somewhere else but no, you brought yourself into the bickering before he could act on it

-- Baji was gonna speak up to cut you off and try and get you away from the slight hazardous situation but you certainly had a lot to say and that just caused him to keep quiet. were you not scared? if you weren't for yourself then he was surely scared for you. he wasn't mad at you for getting involved, instead he somewhat gained respect for you and he had to hold back in smiling.

-- though he obviously couldn't let the situation keep going so he had to quickly drop the whole argument by speaking over you and basically drag you away by your sleeve gently. his feelings didn't grow immediately right there and then but they did develop quickly over a short period of time.

• thinking of you? his cheeks are sore and he brings a hand up to his mouth to suppress it and as if to hide it even though there's no one around to hide his smile from. he doesn't know why he does that but he just does.

• if someone were to be told that baji giggles when you message him they wouldn't believe it, that whole image for them is nonexistent when it comes to Baji, wouldn't even consider it. but this man really does, he tries to stifle them and keep a calm exposure however when he's laying down on his bed he has a wide smile plastered stupidly on his face and when he feels an excited, giddy feeling he can't help but feel a small laugh escape. when he tries to hold them back it almost feels like his chest is being tightened. your suffocation him without even being there, imagine a potential news title 'baji Keisuke suffocated due to feeling giddy about a crush'

• not much of an artist, can only actually draw simple outlines of certain objects such as pain flowers or stick men, but that doesn't stop him from picking up a pen or pencil and start to doodle, nor does it stop him to have your features flash in his mind and him draw you as a stick figure or even a wobbly blob. he sometimes zones out in class when doodling and when he catches himself in drawing you he quickly scribbles it out before anyone or you sees.

°- chifuyu matsuno

-- its raining outside on a school day and you don't have an umbrella nor a hood to cover yourself so due to that you chose to stay behind in your empty classroom to wait out the rain just so you don't get soaked. you chose to stay behind and do something captivating that it even caused you to lose track of time, luckily Chifuyu walked past your classroom and saw you there, it's at least a few hours past school hours (don't ask what he's still doing here)

-- he curiously came up to you and mentioned it however even after those few hours the rain hadn't left and it was still pouring the same weight as it had at the start, and due to the sudden passed time you had no choice to head home even if it means getting drenched. but upon chifuyu hearing your reasoning, there was no way he was gonna leave you walking out in the cold rain while he had a perfectly good umbrella, even if he wanted to leave he just couldn't bring himself to.

-- so he did the first thing that came to mind and that was to try and offer his umbrella to you. at first it seemed convenient for you but then the thought of him going out in the rain with nothing bothered you, so obviously you declined. bit of "no it's fine" here and there but after some of those you both came to an agreement to share it.

-- halfway through with you both walking underneath the same umbrella and chatting away to avoid the awkward silence he walked you home without you realising, he had to turn a corner ages ago but willingly chose to stay with you since you both were having an interesting conversation. and sure enough, thump-thump-thump his heart is racing, ever since then you've been on his mind.

• he feels so much about you, butterflies in his stomach and the need to move around because if hes sat still he'd probably snap in half from the excitement that he can't handle when the thought of you appears. he can explode from the overjoy of interacting with you as if it's a rare thing to happen even though it really isn't, you're just that special. he definitely jumps around and about in his room and punches the air silently whilst trying not to cause too much noise. making a whole new cardio work out.

• whenever he's reading his manga and romance comes in he can't help but picture the two characters to be you and chifuyu. he flicks his eyes between the two characters repeatedly even if he's been on the same page for 5mins, he'd still play out the scenario of them being you two. I mean that whole first encounter almost seemed too cliché to not have come straight out of a movie with unrealistic standards. but no, it all really did happened which causes his mind to go in places that you two are almost casted together and made to talk, as if the universe is setting you both up.

• passing your classroom at any chance he gets just to try and get a glimpse at you but while doing so his heart paces like hes just ran a marathon, he hasn't even seen you yet but the anticipation is killing him. and even when it rains on school days again hes not heading straight home but instead he's making his way to your class to see if you're there again waiting for the rain to leave, always hopeful and wishing that you're empty handed without an umbrella or a hood.

°- ran haitani

-- your in an empty room scribbling something in a sketchbook, using both hard and light pencil strokes. doesn't bother ran at all that you're here doing your own little thing but what actually does is that you're sat in his usual seat. normally he wouldn't try to intervene, especially if it's something this petty plus he wasn't all that desperate to stay here for long but even then, he still walked up to you.

-- first instinct that you had when hearing his footsteps was to close your sketchbook shut before looking up, clearly you don't want no one seeing your personal work/drawings. this little thing perked ran's interest, he doesn't know much about art in the form of paper and pencil, but he's still intrigued as to why you chose to hide it that it made him forget about his petty emotion of you sitting in his seat.

-- in short term, he ended up seeing a few of your pages and the reason for it is cause you despise your own work, despite continuing drawing in your own time you seem to always criticise yourself and think harshly on them. but in his eyes he can't help but be in awe of them, he cant understand what's so bad about the drawings. next thing you know he's asking for a drawing of himself, you didn't seem too bothered by the idea as you were about your skill wondering if you could even pull it off but ran managed to convince you.

-- sitting in a chair in front of you as a muse, meeting eye contact as you looked at his features repeatedly to get the right shape of his eyes, nose and lips. him purposely moving a little to see if you'd say something about it and trying to peek over your sketchbook book to see your progress only for you to move it away out of embarrassment. it took a short while but finally seeing himself on a page in dark grey lead made him feel something, not necessarily a major attraction but appreciation even tho he's the one that pressed on the idea.

-- and that's when the butterflies hit, it's a major delayed reaction but the giddy feeling hit after being the muse and grasping the fact that you were able to draw him this well from you analysing his features, something about this made him more seen than he already is. maybe a confidence boost? who knows, even he himself can't figure it out exactly other than feeling warm from the inside out about you.

• no matter how hard he tries to relax around you he always feels blood rushing in his body making him become tense whenever you two have an interaction as small as just saying hi to each other, and once you both pass he sighs out air as if you've caught his breath and didn't let go, though he also ends up smiling after that sigh but it's more or less a mix of a nervous and happy smile, one that makes you to be unsure if you're supposed to be excited or scared.

• i reckon hes a yapper once he gets comfortable enough, anything that comes to mind he can talk and talk about it with you like his life depends on it, but once he's finished speaking he only then realises the things he's said and regrets it all even if the topics he's talked about aren't all that bad but he still gets embarrassed of himself for letting himself get carried away like that to the point where afterwards he speaks in a much shallower tone "...I don't know why I said that, ignore that" it's kinda cute tho.

• you got him twisting and turning, losing focus in certain activities and even his sight of where he's going. at some point he was walking but his eye view was so focused on you that he ended up walking into the metal, water foundation and he had to embarrassingly play it off hoping that no one had seen the doofus walk right into it as his head was turned 80° in your direction.

°- rindou haitani

-- you and him happen to share the same taste in music and favour the same band/Artist, he knew this by overhearing a conversation you had with someone and that made him perk up a little but not enough for him to engage in the conversation. he'd silently listen in to hear what your favourite song is and guess if your a hardcore fan or just a regular

-- despite rindou not being the one to come forward about the mutual interest that you both have, it was you that needed up going up to him after hearing his music escape though his earphones from how loud he set the volume to be. sure he was a little embarrassed after you mentioned it but once you both started talking about the band, something had opened him up as you talked about it with enthusiasm while he was agreeing with everything that you were saying and adding his own little comments, you were both constantly on the same page.

-- hes gained a small interest in you but not enough to catch feelings and be attached, there's plenty of people with the same interest as him and even though he can't find many it doesn't mean that you should be on top of the list. yet.

-- those previous, tamed feelings were immediately thrown out the window after hearing you sing his favourite song when you thought you were alone, he didn't mean to intrude but when he quietly walked in a room to get something he ended up hearing your voice singing along to a favoured song, you immediately became his favourite cover. your tune and enthusiasm had him captivated and stuck. he didn't get the item but instead but he stood outside of the door listening until you stopped.

• when you suddenly appear and make yourself known he gets a little spooked and drops whatever he was holding in his hands (mainly depends on what the item is, as in if it's not fragile and just a pen) its the type of scare that makes his mind go 'oh shit they're here, act cool, act cool' you can just walk into the room and when Rindou looks up to see you its like his whole body does a nervous shut down for a split second. he's normally not like that at all so when that became a common occurrence he swore he was starting to become insane.

• only you're allowed to touch his glasses or gloves or in fact anything that belongs to rindou. sure his brother is an exception but that's to be expected. if anyone else tried to touch his stuff he'd more than just swat their hand away like an annoying pest, but with you? he feels warm and giddy about you picking his glasses up and trying them on yourself, heat rushes up to his face but he always tries to act cool and casual. he just can't shake the thought that you've worn his glasses that he's wearing right now, it almost feels like getting a high five from your favourite celebrity.

• anyone would probably assume Rindou to be a little heartless from him occasionally being nonchalant around others and sure that's true enough but with you? he's flustered, cannot specify enough of it, poor man can't even go a day without his lungs constantly shifting in volume from the way you get him so nervous. he's even grown to stutter a little, not a whole lot but enough for it to be noticed once in a while and each time he looks back on the sentences he's said he always cringes at himself.

♡----

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literaila · 7 months

Text

premature death

gojo satoru x fem!reader

summary: you settle into jujutsu high, and then you settle out

warnings: fluff, angst (canon events), satoru is an idiot as per usual, suguru is there.

a/n: open wide, daddy made your favorite

last part | next part

second year.

you've never loved dining in, you think, as a menu is pulled from your hands and you try to relax into your seat, looking around.

you're sitting in the corner, near a wall.

it's been an hour since you finished your mission--with nanami and haibara--and an hour since haibara insisted on all of you meeting the second years for dinner.

honestly, even if you'd had the energy to argue with him, his face would've broken you eventually. so, you followed your two best friends blindly, stumbling into this restaurant that smells a bit like burnt sugar.

your body aches from running around, and your head pounds from all of the mental strain it takes to protect both nanami and haibara at once (especially when they're both hellbent on being as reckless as possible at any available moment). you barely give suguru and shoko a 'hello,' as you near the table, and you ignore satoru completely.

(and the way your body immediately perks up at the sight of him).

the only reason you've even made it in the restaurant is because haibara let you lean on him the whole way here. someone better be coming to pick you up after this.

and when they push you into this seat--away from literally everything else--you don't even mind it. it's nice, a sort of protection from the outside world.

but, of course, none from the one right there.

satoru is sitting much too close to you. he's wild and animated, boasting about some curse that was no big deal for him, of course, with no consideration for personal space.

you can feel it when he breathes, when he laughs. his hand is basically on your thigh, and he's almost grabbed your drink on accident three separate times.

no one else has even commented on this, so you don't say anything.

it's definitely not because he's pleasantly warm--sickly warm, you think--or because you feel a bit relaxed with him right next to you instead of anyone else. at ease. and it's not because just sitting near satoru creates an automatic reaction within your body, a buzzing, and keeps you from falling asleep on the table. it has nothing to do with any of that.

you just don't want to make a scene.

you're staring down at the table, fiddling with a napkin and wondering how many other people have sat here, spilled their drinks, and shared these thoughts, when a hand pokes at your side, and you jump.

"hey," satoru says, leaning to meet your eyes. his mouth is ridiculously pink, and you can see the tips of his lashes from over his glasses. "you okay there?"

you push his face away with a hand, grimacing at him. you ignore the twinge in your shoulder, and the hundred other sore muscles in your body. "just fine, thanks."

satoru leans back, observing you for a moment. everyone else is lost in conversation, so there's no one to save you from his attention.

"that looks heavy," he says, eventually, with a ton of fake sympathy. and condescension. he's smiling at you, because when isn't he?

"what?" you say, frowning. you look around for a problem, but there isn't one.

then you meet his eyes again, and you know what he's going to say.

"your hand," he answers, easily, predictably. "let me hold it for you."

you slap him away before he can even try.

"were you genetically engineered in a lab to be annoying?" you ask him, scowling.

"just beautiful."

you roll your eyes, moving to sip on your tea. when you set it back down, satoru is still staring at you.

"what?"

"oh, nothing."

you frown, hoping that there isn't anything on your face. or that he hasn't realized that you don't want to be here. and then, before he can read any real expression, you smile sweetly at him. "you're popping my bubble, satoru."

"what bubble?"

"my personal space bubble," you answer, sharply, pushing at his chest. "move over. you know there's a whole other end of the booth right there?"

satoru looks to his other side, to the empty spot where he should be sitting, and then back to you with a wince. "you want me to sit next to nanami?"

you stare at him blankly. "i want you to allow me free will over my limbs."

"but he scares me."

"want me to tell him that?"

satoru sighs, but moves over a single inch. because he's nice.

"seriously?"

satoru stares at you, pointing towards the centimeter of both you can see between your bodies like it's a solution to your problem. when you say nothing, he pouts. "what? i like sitting next to you."

"you can sit there and not attempt to suffocate me," you tell him, shaking your head. you look away and go back to playing with the napkin you stole. "i promise it's possible."

"where's the fun in that?"

you sigh, and satoru leans his head on your shoulder. you don't even comment on the fact that he's even closer now, or that he smells like a gallon of sweat.

no, in all actuality, you don't really want him to move. you want him to stay right there and be your block from the world.

not that you'd ever admit that out loud.

"i really hate you," you tell him, quietly, once you've realized that you haven't said anything.

satoru smiles up at you, teeth peeking out from bright pink lips. then he groans theatrically. "you know i can't resist flattery, sweetheart."

you roll your eyes again. "how have you survived this long?" you wonder aloud. and then you pause. "no, wait. i already know."

"what?"

"special grade sorcerer," you whisper, in mock awe. you shiver when satoru runs a hand up your thigh, just to mess with you.

"i'll let you try to kill me next time we spar," he says, shaking his head at you. his hair is soft and ticklish against your neck.

you still don't move him.

"i refuse to spar with you."

he frowns. "you spar with suguru."

"'cause he doesn't cheat."

"i don't cheat."

"no cursed techniques during hand-to-hand combat," you recite.

he continues to pout, like the child he is. "how is that fair?"

you sigh at him, shaking your head. you don't have the energy to remind him of simple rules.

"c'mon," satoru says, leaning up and nudging you. "just once. it'll be fun."

he taps your nose with a finger.

you grab it. "we've sparred before, and we will not be doing it again."

satoru just smiles at you.

and the two of you sit there like that, staring at each other, your hand wrapped around satoru's stupid finger, waiting for the other to break.

his eyes are ridiculous, you think, for the hundredth time ever. the only real reason he's still alive is because of how pretty he is. if his bone structure was even slightly different, you think, he'd be dead.

satoru stares back, maybe thinking the same things you are.

but eventually, you're broken out of the daze.

"satoru," shoko says, again, and you both snap to look at her. she's got a brow raised. "did you hear anything i just said?"

you and satoru exchange a glance and ignore the looks of everyone else at the table. your body settles once again, no longer ignited solely by satoru's concentration you you.

finally, satoru moves away from you, leaning on his elbow to focus in on whatever conversation his friends are having.

you don't even realize that your hand is still wrapped around him, or when, eventually, satoru intertwines his fingers with yours.

you go back to eating your dinner, and you're very comfortable with the amount of space you have to yourself now.

really.

"hey," you say, pulling your jacket tighter around your body.

it's too cold to be outside, but it's too loud to be in bed. too quiet. "can't sleep?" you ask suguru.

you crept out of your room just ten minutes ago. you were only going to get something to drink--something to soothe your irritating heart--when you realized that it would never work.

so you ventured outside, instead, not really caring about rules or being caught.

and just when you were walking across the courtyard, you stumbled upon him (for a brief moment, you'd thought it was yaga, and almost ran back inside.)

but suguru just sitting there, on the steps, looking out into the forest like it'll come up with some answers for him. his hair is tied up, and he's got a better jacket on than you do.

you look at it a bit enviously.

suguru blows out a breath, the smell of cigarette smoke filling the air. you watch the puff as it disappears into the air. "no, you?"

"can i sit?" you ask, looking at the space beside him. suguru nods, watching as you sit down beside him, shivering. "nightmares," you tell him, answering the question.

he smiles at you, shaking his head ambiguously.

you gesture towards his hand. "i didn't know you smoked."

suguru almost laughs. "i don't, really. shoko's a bad influence."

he holds it towards you, but you shake your head.

"no, thanks. i've got enough bad habits to last a lifetime."

he laughs, stamping out the rest of the unsmoked bud on the ground.

you look towards the trees, almost expecting something to jump out from behind them--even though you know that no curse can touch you, or anyone here.

you don't get a lot of alone time with suguru. you're comfortable enough around him--and haibara sings enough praises for you to know what he's like. still, you're not sure what to say to him, or what he might know about you.

probably too much, you think.

eventually, you look back to suguru, smirking. "so, did you leave satoru sleeping by himself in your bed?"

"he snores," suguru answers, easily, and his shoulder brushes against yours.

you giggle, flexing your hands, trying to regain some feeling in your fingers.

a small part of you is glad that he's out here, right now. that there's someone else to be around, to remind you that it's all okay. and, if worst comes to worst, suguru is a lot stronger than you are.

you look up to the sky, tracing the remains of clouds with your eyes. there are no shapes to be made out--there never are, this late at night. and it's different here, at school.

at home, you can hear all of the bugs at night, and you can smell the breeze as it passes through. but here, it's almost irrationally silent. it doesn't smell like anything here. like cursed energy is strong enough to fade out the smell of the pine or the pollen.

you're silent, looking around.

"do you want my jacket?" suguru asks, suddenly, after you've shivered against him for the seventh time.

you look towards him, trying to ignore how cold you feel, and you sniff. "no, it's okay."

suguru's got a sly smile when he says, "probably shouldn't, anyway."

"what do you mean?"

he laughs to himself, then shakes his head.

you feel like you're missing something as you wait for him to answer. to clue you in on the joke.

"do you get them a lot?" he asks, instead of answering your confused glance. "nightmares?"

you swallow, nodding. "yeah. do you?"

"all the time."

"any advice? haibara says you've got overwhelming amounts of wisdom."

he snorts. "haibara..." he whispers, almost appreciatively.

you tilt your head at him, waiting.

"i'm only a year older, you know?"

you nod, consider it for a moment. then you think about satoru--inevitably--and what he said last time you mentioned the mere one year of age between the two of you. "well, a year is a long time for a sorcerer, isn't it?"

suguru makes a face. "i guess that's true."

you lean your chin on a palm, waving a hand. "so...?"

he grins at you. "finding someone to wake up next to helps," he says, only slightly teasing.

you understand what he's getting at, so you roll your eyes. "not all of us have a clingy best friend."

"satoru would cuddle with you if you asked."

"good thing i'm never asking."

"yeah, you shouldn't," suguru answers, feeling much older than he is, "he kicks."

"i bet."

suguru laughs again and clears his throat, looking around. you know there's nothing there, but you wait anyway. "i just try to remember that it's not real..." he says, eventually, "even if it seems like it."

you sigh, looking back to the forest separating your two worlds. "that's gonna be difficult, because i only dream about curses. and those are all real."

not to mention the other very real things you have nightmares about. the memories, the yelling, the quivering ideas that hide themselves in the corners of your head, begging to be let go, to be let out.

suguru must see this on your face; you're assuming it's fairly obvious.

he nudges you, but doesn't say anything for a moment, just looking back when you look at him. and then. "i have dreams about it, too."

you furrow your brows at him. "about what?"

"home. my parents."

you swallow, pausing. you blink rapidly, trying to regain your ground. "i don't..."

his face relaxes, at once. "satoru talks too much," he says, trying to joke. "especially about you."

you ignore that. "i don't--i barely think about my... parents. i'm too busy."

"i think your situation is probably worse than mine," suguru answers, obviously ignoring your lies. "my parents didn't tell me to leave. but... it was obvious that i couldn't stay."

it doesn't seem worth it to try and deny it, and if he's going to offer up information willingly, then who are you not to listen?

"how old were you?"

"eight," he says, easily. "you?"

"ten."

he nods, scratching at his neck. "i didn't tell anyone about it, for a long time. i thought... i knew that they wouldn't--"

"get it?"

"yeah."

you huff, relaxing at once. you slouch down, staring at the ground. suguru is wearing dirt-covered shoes, and you've got slippers on. "wish i'd thought of that. if i hadn't told anyone i'd probably still be there."

"you'd be hiding, though," suguru says, watching you, "trying to pretend like you fit in there, even if you didnt. couldn't."

"it would've been easier to pretend than having to live through it," you say, softly, absolutely sure about this. you've had a lot of time to think about it. then you smile, "i would've made a good human."

suguru laughs, tapping his foot against the ground. "what would you have done? if you weren't a sorcerer, i mean."

"uh..." you frown. you've never given the real world much thought--not beyond foolish dreams and stupid glances--"i think i'd be a taxi driver or something."

he snorts. "satoru says that you're a terrible driver."

"big talk from someone who can't drive," you say, scoffing. "and he was distracting me the entire time." you shake your head, annoyed at just the memory. "what would you be?"

he pauses. "...a teacher?"

"this is what haibara means by wisdom," you say, laughing. "maybe i wouldn't be a good human. i can't imagine doing anything else."

"maybe not."

you swallow. there are not very many stars in the sky, but you can still see all of the constellations and the stories written within the sky. part of you wonders if you'll be up there someday, another myth to speak about.

no, probably not. satoru will be written in history, and you'll still be here, always thrown out or forgotten

"do you think... do you think that my parents would be sorry? if they could talk to me now? if they saw what i can do?"

suguru hums, he doesn't even seem surprised by the question, to his credit. "i don't know... they--non-sorcerers--can't really understand, can they? they don't know that we exist solely to protect them, so they can't appreciate it. it makes it hard to be... angry, at them, doesn't it?"

you blow out a breath, looking away from the stars. "yeah."

"when yaga scouted me," suguru says, "my parents thought he was crazy. i understood what he said immediately, but they couldn't believe that anything like this could exist. and then, when i told them about the curses i was seeing, and absorbing..."

you look at him. his face is tense and easy, all at once. he doesn't mind telling you this, you realize. maybe haibara was right.

his eyes are contemplative as he looks around the courtyard, thinking about things you're sure you've thought about too.

"they thought i was crazy too, after that," he continues, finally. "my dad avoided me, and my mom never tried to argue with me about leaving. neither of them minded that i was going to this bizarre school and might not ever come home. even though they thought that yaga was a maniac."

you look at the ground, trying to push the memories out. you bite the inside of your cheek and wonder if there was ever a way to save that smaller version of yourself. if she'd grown up here, would she be the same?

"i think," suguru says, voice a bit harder, "that even if i was crazy, and all of the things i saw and experienced were fake, that if my parents truly cared about me, then they would've tried to help. they wouldn't have... ignored me, or treated me like i was the curse."

your neck snaps to him, and his eyes meet yours. suguru lets a thoughtful smile slip from his lips as he says, "it's not your fault that they didn't understand. that they couldn't. but it's their fault that they never tried to."

maybe it's because you haven't dared to speak with anyone about it--beyond snarky remarks to satoru when he says something ignorant--or maybe it's because suguru is the only person who gets it. who truly understands in a way that only children can.

or maybe it's just that you've been waiting for someone to say that to you since you were ten. since you were rejected solely for being yourself, being different.

six years of wondering if it was ever fair.

you swallow, nodding.

"sorry," he whispers after you're lost for words, struggling to put the pieces of you back. "but you can talk to me, if you want. i've been told i'm very wise."

you snort, shaking your head. he's like satoru in that way--shaking you out of whatever matters. "i really need to stop telling satoru things. he can't ever keep his mouth shut."

suguru laughs, looking at the sky. "no, don't."

"hmm?"

"don't stop telling him things. i'll have to hear all about it."

you laugh.

"'why would she be mad at me?'" suguru mocks, in a very good impression of satoru's honey-flow voice. "'i didn't even do anything.'"

"'i didn't know it was a secret,'" you say back, suddenly lighter.

suguru nudges you, hand wrapped around your forearm. just there. his fingertips are cold, but you don't mind.

"does satoru really tell you about the things we talk about?" you ask, after a while.

your entire body feels numb now, and you might freeze out here, but somehow it's worth it. just to not be alone for once.

suguru looks over at you, his brown eyes slight and knowing. "he doesn't need to," he says.

you have to look away, just so he doesn't catch that shock--the brief moment of recognition, pleasure--as it passes. but you smile in the dark eventually, letting it go unsaid.

and that's just how things are.

you spend your late nights chatting with suguru in the dark, both of you hopelessly lost and completely insane.

you let satoru irritate you whenever he wants, and sometimes you even bask in it. letting all of the horrors wash away with every quip that you send his way.

and you ignore that light--and heavy--feeling in your chest around him, pretending that it doesn't exist, or maybe it just doesn't matter.

you spend time with people who understand you, for once. you let the fear flow away in concerning thoughts and subconscious glances inward. you let the fears of attaching yourself to them fade away.

you know that any of you could be gone, could live with the regret of never living, at any moment, so you choose not to care about any of it. you go on missions and you act like your life is a feeble thing to play around with.

and it's honestly not all that bad.

until riko amanai, that is.

third year.

"suguru," your voice almost catches when he opens the door.

how many days has it been since you've seen him? how many weeks?

you've spent the last several weeks trying to let the two of them settle. into life, into existing, whatever.

you ask shoko how they're both doing--satoru and suguru--and she just shrugs.

"they don't like to talk about it," she tells you, and you try to just accept it. you try to let it go and worry about yourself, about your own messed up life.

but everything feels different.

satoru hasn't been answering your calls, which, okay, fine. you could deal with that. but he also hasn't been calling you, or showing up at your door just to talk, or stealing your breakfast, or clinging to you like he does.

he hasn't been doing any of it. and you could pretend you haven't noticed--that it doesn't matter to you if he cares or not. if he wants to be around you or not.

but it matters.

you decided to let him in at the beginning of the year, and you hadn't thought it was a mistake until now. until this exact moment, when you realized that you'd gotten too close to satoru. that you were friends, or...

you look at suguru now and you try not to gape.

his face is dreadfully grey, his eyes almost completely sunken in. he looks like an elderly man who hasn't slept in five years, just on the verge of death.

and you know from shoko that he's been gone a lot, like satoru, that he's been busy, but... still. this doesn't happen to overworked sorcerers. the recovery rate for all of you is extremely quick.

you really try not to gape. you try not to stare at him for too long, but you can't peel your eyes away.

"y/n," he whispers, no pleasantries needed. even his voice sounds rough. "is something wrong?"

you should probably be asking him that.

"no, i..." you stare for a moment, swallowing. maybe it's just his hair. you've never seen it down before, you realize, trying to refrain from taking a step back. still, there's that feeling in your chest--reminiscent of being a child, of dealing with satoru. you exhale. "are--are you sick?"

"what?"

"you look..."

suguru's eyes widen, and he nods, eventually, looking caught. "yeah, i guess i came down with something... i'm just..."

he looks behind him, and you get the sudden feeling that he doesn't want you there. doesn't want you to disturb whatever this is.

it makes you wonder if he and satoru have talked at all, since it happened almost a month ago. maybe two months.

you all know that sorcerers die all of the time. that people die just from living, curses or not.

so why is this death any different? why does this one matter? you want so desperately to ask.

"sorry, i can--i'll come back--" you say quickly, turning. then you turn around again, feeling guilty. "do you need anything? medicine? um... food?"

finally, a small smile makes its way to suguru's face. it's small, almost unnoticeable. but something inside you relaxes.

it shouldn't be this surprising that he even remembers how.

"did you need something?" he asks, softly, talking to you like he always does.

like you're sitting outside again, talking about life, ethics, being a sorcerer, and having a part of yourself hate it.

but this is so much different.

your stomach drops again. this is a ridiculous, stupid thing to even be asking. you shouldn't be here, worrying about this. you should be in your dorm, studying. you should be training with nanami, or trying to get haibara to come with you on a mission...

you shouldn't even be here.

you feel like a deer in headlights, caught in this the same way you caught suguru in whatever.

but he already knows, you rationalize. he already knows.

everyone knows, you think. everyone but you and satoru, according to shoko's comments.

so what do you care if suguru knows this?

"i, um, i just haven't..." you swallow, wanting to punch yourself in the face. are you really this pathetic? "have you seen satoru?" you ask, blurring the words together. "i know you've both been... busy, but i--i've been trying to get ahold of him, and shoko says that he won't answer her messages, and it's been a couple of weeks since i've seen him around school, so i just figured--" what? that suguru would have some brilliant answer for you? that he could reassure you that satoru wasn't trying to ignore you? "--that you might know where he is... or if he's okay? he's your best friend so--"

"i haven't seen him, either. we've been doing seperate missions," suguru says, interrupting whatever terrible thing you were about to say next, luckily. "he hasn't been answering your calls?"

your responding "no," sounds so small you want to bury yourself beneath the earth.

you really don't care about him, okay? you really don't.

you just want to be notified if he's dead or something. you just want to know if you did something to make him avoid you, or if he needs someone there, or if...

suguru frowns, contemplating something. "i think he's supposed to be home in a couple of days," he says, tucking a stray lock of hair behind his ear. it looks wet, and greasy, like he hasn't washed it in weeks. "but i'll text him."

"...you don't have to."

he smiles, knowingly. he gives you that same look that everyone does. that look that tells you that they know more about what's going on between you and satoru than you do. "it's no problem. you know how... spacey satoru can get."

"yeah. i know."

"you don't need to worry about him," suguru says, laughing a little bit. his eyes are so cold, bland.

"i know," you say, again, a bit more defensively. you take a step back. you're not sure why you expected suguru to have any answers for you.

(maybe it's because they're best friends and they're supposed to be there for each other. or maybe it's because they just went through the same terrible experience, and should probably depend on each other right now).

maybe he told him not to answer, you think, instantly. maybe suguru is working for him.

not that you care. if satoru doesn't want to talk to you--doesn't want suguru to talk to you--then you can't do anything about it.

you just have to live through this like you've lived through everything else.

he's just a classmate.

but the question slips through your lips, breaking down all denial. "is he... do you think he's okay?"

you want to clarify. you want to ask if they're both okay, if they've talked about any of it. if suguru needs you to get someone, like shoko, or if he wants to go sit on the steps and shout at the sky.

if he'll come with you to look for satoru because you're really worried about him.

if everything is okay.

but you know that suguru wouldn't answer that, especially not like this.

"are you okay, y/n?" suguru asks, and it's almost rhetorical. you can tell that he's trying to hit you where you're sore.

you feel frozen there for a moment, and then you turn away.

and that just about sums it up.

you're staring down at a white sheet, and all you can think is, this can't be happening.

not really, that is.

it's been a long time since you felt this deeply about anything. anger, sure. are you mad that your classmates are distancing themselves from you? are you mad that everyone seems to be advancing and you're stuck there, stagnant, while everyone else deals with everything?

of course.

but this...

you've had this nightmare a hundred times, but it's never gone like this. it's never been so untouchable, unforgettable, unbearable...

your entire body feels freezing; like you're the one who's dead.

have you already undergone rigor mortis? are you frozen there, muscles turned to stone?

this can't be happening, you think, again. so briefly it's not really a thought.

you're staring down at him. you're looking at him--at haibara--but this can't be how he really is, how he really was. haibara doesn't look like this, you think. you've never seen his hair this limp, never seen his face this pale. you've never seen him without a smile.

but nobody is smiling now.

you barely hear anything they're saying--the other people undergoing this, the other people who could probably tell you if this is real or not.

"...to exterminate a second-grade cursed spirit..." rings briefly out in your mind. you wonder if you imagined it.

your eyes glance down to the blood on the table. shouldn't shoko be here? shouldn't someone be doing something?

should you be doing something?

"nanami," someone says. "you should just rest for now." there's a hand on your shoulder, a whisper of another person in the room. "y/n, let's sit down."

are your legs shaking? is this a physical reaction to the news? you're always calm, always collected. the only person that--

"satoru has taken..." the same voice continues.

you pause, trying to listen, but their voices echo. if this were a dream, would you be able to listen? this is a dream, you think, just something to wake up from.

there's no one here to pull you out from this flood of emotions, of thoughts. satoru would usually, you think. he would be here and he would crack and joke and you wouldn't care about it anymore.

but satoru...

what should you do?

"can't we just let him handle everything alone at this point?" nanami asks, and you just hear it.

suguru ushers you over to the wall, where all of the stools are, one missing. he sits you down and you let him, because there's nothing else you can do.

your limbs are numb, and it's ridiculous to feel this way.

you barely even notice when you reach a hand out, grabbing nanami's, or when he grabs back, squeezing harder than you thought possible.

you should tell him that it hurts--that he's stronger than he looks--crack a joke or say something comforting, but you can't. you don't mind if he cracks all of the bones in your hand, as long as he stays right there.

"it's going to be okay," suguru says, maybe to you, maybe to nanami.

but he's lying. and you know it, even if you don't know anything else.

and when you try to knock on satoru's door later, feeling absolutely nothing, he doesn't answer.

not that you were expecting him to, anyway.

satoru doesn't think any of it is supposed to feel like this.

he's been hurt a hundred times. bruised when he let suguru get a hit in during practice, sliced up when he lets shoko try something on his body just to heal him right after, cut through the literal throat, and left to bleed out.

but it's never felt like this before.

he's ashamed, almost. lost.

what could he have done differently, he wonders? where did it all go wrong?

he thinks about amanai, thinks about suguru telling him not to be so arrogant, and then rejecting him just like that.

are you the strongest because you're satoru gojo? or are you satoru gojo because you're the strongest?

satoru almost wants to laugh.

well, he wants to say to suguru, how strong am i now? how strong am i like this?

but suguru isn't there. he's not coming back, satoru thinks, blandly, and his fists clench automatically. if anyone had asked him a week ago, he would've said that everything was fine.

everything was wrong, of course, but it was all fine.

shoko was staying at the school, helping with the damaged sorcerers, satoru was advancing more rapidly than he'd thought was possible, and suguru was...

what was he doing, again?

satoru blinks, and before he can answer that question for himself--answer any one of the goddamn questions floating around in his head--you're there.

you're there, and satoru suddenly can't remember the last time he saw you.

he certainly can't remember the last time he saw your eyes that sad, that wrong on the rest of your otherwise untouched face.

his defenses go down immediately, as they always do when you're around. it's probably a stupid decision, but satoru doesn't really care to rationalize it.

he's missed you, he thinks, suddenly. he's missed you more than he should.

you don't say anything when you sit down next to him, on the steps of the school, watching as his hands fall from their outstretched position.

"do you think that i'm strong?" satoru asks you, his voice rough, so tired.

and then he looks over to you and he watches as all of the thoughts pass on your face--the thoughts about suguru, knowing what he means, the worry and concern that he hasn't missed on your face since he first met you.

but you sigh, eventually, and you move a little bit closer to him.

"are you strong, satoru?"

he hasn't spoken to you in weeks, he remembers, suddenly. he doesn't even know why you're here now.

not when he's been avoiding you in favor of improving himself. not when he's been ignoring all of his responsibilities so he could try to get back to that place where there wasn't anything to care about.

"not strong enough," he answers, distantly. he's not even really sure if he means it.

your head falls to his shoulder in an instant, and you're there again.

satoru remembers every smile and every wince on your face. every time he made you laugh and then said something else just so he could try and do it again.

god, he's such a fool.

"that's okay," you whisper, eventually. "that's why you have me," you tell him.

"do i?" he wonders, aloud.

"hmm?"

"do i have you?"

you lift your head, and you're smiling, just a little. satoru can see the bitterness in your expression. he can tell that you're angry and that you're tired of it.

he can taste that hint of happiness that pours from you, that contradicting feeling of just being together again, even in a moment like this.

"of course," you say to him, softly. it's soft, unbelievable. "whenever you want."

satoru nods.

and you sit there with him for hours, and for once, you're the one pulling him out of everything.

just briefly satoru wonders what he would do if you left, too.

"what?" you repeat, watching nanami throw something into a suitcase.

you've been standing there for five minutes, processing this like you've processed everything recently.

meaning that you haven't. and that you're not going to as long as you'd like, thank you.

"what's the point of this?" kento answers, like you tried to tell him that there was a purpose to any of this. like you're just arguing.

but you can't be, because this isn't a discussion. you didn't happen upon his room and pick an argument with him.

you walked through the hall and you noticed the suitcase outside the door. the boxes he was stacking up to take somewhere else.

would he even have told you? would he have said anything if you hadn't stumbled upon it yourself?

"kento," you say, again, like a grounding tool. "i don't understand."

he sighs, folding a suit. "i'm not going to sit around and live this life. i don't care about jujutsu. i don't care about any of it."

"but, you..."

"there's no point, is there?" he asks, quietly, and he's not asking. "and even if there was, i don't care. i don't want to die doing this, y/n."

"you won't die," you answer, uselessly, trying to grab onto his arm, to get him to look at you. you want him to walk you through this, this thought process, the past three months here. "where are you going to go?"

"i don't know. i'll find an entry-level position somewhere."

"where are you going to live?"

"there's an available apartment in the city."

"but..."

"look," finally nanami turns around, meeting your eyes. he's never been emotional, but he looks even more stoic now. maybe he really doesn't care. "i don't want to be a sorcerer. i don't want to exterminate curses every day. i want to... live a normal life."

"what?" you repeat, feeling that terror rise in your chest.

so many people are leaving, you think. so many people are running away from this, and eventually, you're going to have to follow. or you'll rot here alone, hiding in the closet like you did as a kid.

"nanami, you can't just decide that you don't--"

"i already did."

"what about..." you swallow, and nanami shakes his head at you. his eyes are glazed over and you know he's not going to listen. you can feel it. "what about haibara?" you ask, finally, stepping over the boundaries you've laid down about him. "he wouldn't have wanted you to live some boring life in the city and run away from all of this--"

nanami's eyes are stern, his jaw clenches. "haibara died. isn't that proof enough that this doesn't matter?"

"it does matter," you say, even though you're not sure yourself. "it does."

"geto left, too. if the only two choices are staying and dying or leaving and living a boring life, then i choose the latter."

"suguru killed--" you pause, not wanting to talk about it out loud. you haven't seen satoru since the day you found out, and you don't want to risk having to think about him. "nanami, you're useful here. you're strong. you can do whatever--"

"gojo handles most of our cases now, anyway, doesn't he?"

you freeze, looking away. "well, he can't handle every curse, even if..."

"there's no point, y/n."

"what about--"

what about me?

he gives you one more look, another glance your way, another reminder that your only remaining classmate doesn't want to be that anymore. that there's nothing you can do to stop him from leaving.

it's your parents all over again.

are you the crazy one here? are you crazy for wanting to stay, even with all of the horror?

"i'm sorry," he says, after a moment, looking sincerely at you. but nanami has never been able to read your mind. he has never tried to spare your feelings--you thought you liked that about him. "we'll still talk. i'll call you."

"yeah, sure."

because you have to give up at some point. if nanami doesn't want to stay, you don't want to force him.

"this is what's best."

you nod blindly. and you wonder, for the first time since you got to jujutsu high, if you're strong enough for this.

year zero.

"this is basically every kid's dream," satoru says, rolling his eyes. megumi is the most difficult kid he's ever encountered, and he refuses to be pleased. "i got you candy and i'm letting you stay up late. why aren't you normal?"

megumi looks up at him, a vigorous hatred in his eyes. "why aren't you?" he repeats, attempting to kick at satoru's foot.

honestly, it's a little pathetic.

satoru tries not to snort, about to tell megumi about the millions of children lacking in candy at this current moment, or about how he's actively trying to find them a place to sleep even after megumi tried to punch him in the stomach earlier and--

he looks over to tsumiki, the little angel who is in no way biologically related to megumi, and watches as she waves.

his brows furrow, and then he looks up, away from the child attempting to murder him with his eyes, and he sees you.

you're standing there, a figure illuminated by the light in your entryway, a wary look on your face.

you're looking at both of the children, eyes flicking between the two of them, probably noticing how small they are, or how wet their clothes are from the rain.

not that satoru cares, actually.

as soon as satoru sees you--as soon as he can feel you again, the familiar curves and concaves of your cursed energy, of your entire being--his heart shifts, clicking back into place.

you look a bit upset, angry at his intrusion as you've always pretended to be.

he hasn't seen you in months, and it's suddenly very apparent. you look almost exactly the same. maybe you got your hair cut, or maybe you've just woken up, but satoru doesn't care.

he doesn't care about any of it.

his lips curve into an involuntary smile, and he wants to throw himself on top of you and tell you a million little things. he wants to whisper all of his secrets in your ear and hold you until you force him to let you go.

but you clear your throat, interrupting him before he can begin, and your eyes finally look towards him, both firey and excited.

his favorite.

"satoru," you say, the sound of his name in your mouth sending goosebumps up and down his skin. "where did you get these kids?"

next part | series masterlist

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cho-aaacho · 8 months

Text

—My Little Honey

Masterlist

Summary : Sometimes you have a wild thought about wearing one of Gojo's favorite sweaters, stealing his warmth, borrowing his kiss, or basking in all the beauty he shares. So this time, you've decided to steal his sweater. Who knows, he would love this?

"Sensei, could you pass this on to Gojo-sensei?"

"What's this?"

"His sweater. Ijichi-san did the laundry a few days ago, but he hasn't had the time to give it to him. Can you help me out? Thank you, sensei."

You just nodded as Megumi strolled in horror, still wondering why he acted like that all of a sudden. Megumi has always managed to keep his cool in front of everyone. So there's no chance he fears Gojo's presence, right?

A sigh escaped you as you observed Megumi running, chatting with Toge, Panda, and the others. It appeared they were engaged in some discussion, perhaps gossip or something stupid.

You noticed that those kids glanced at you before hurrying towards the entrance and disappearing into another atmosphere.

What could be going on in their minds? Were they scheming something absurd again?

But you're trying to forget all that.

They're likely plotting another scheme like they've been doing to you for the past two months. Like accidentally locking you and Gojo in the teacher's room, switching your sweater with his, or some other trivial prank.

You can't fathom why they're so foolish. Like, why on earth would they lock up Gojo in a room with you? Gojo can practically blow up the school if he wants.

"A sweater?"

You gaze in wonder at the paper bag, tilting your head for a better view. A black fabric with a baby blue gradient peeks out of it. Sending you a sweet memory deep in your mind when smelling the softener.

Seated on the bench, you ponder for a moment, and you find yourself lost in thought, remembering when Gojo wore that sweater.

You rarely see him in casual clothes at school. He always sports that black uniform akin to Megumi's. So, when your gaze falls on him wearing that sweater, revealing his pristine azure eyes, it comes as a shock.

The gentle gradations of blue and black fabric wrapped around his tall figure, paired with gray pants and sporty shoes. He looks much younger than you had imagined.

At first, you didn't even recognize him, assuming he was just some random guy at school. However, after a mumbled comment from Kusakabe, it dawns on you that this gentleman is none other than Gojo Satoru.

You still remember the aroma wafting around your presence, clueless about its cologne brand. It's subtle yet spicy, with an intoxicating fragrance that transports you to another atmosphere. He smells incredibly nice.

As Gojo glides towards you, you realize he's surprisingly tall, with his fingers remarkably pretty and neatly trimmed. The way he talks makes you melt every time he calls your name under those kissable lips.

How can this man be so charming, leaving you dumbfounded every time?

Sometimes you have a wild thought about wearing one of his favorite sweaters. Imagine the soft fabric wrapped tightly around your body, perhaps making you dance under the moonlight until intoxicated.

It's so random, but you crave that experience. You have a weird desire to steal his warmth, borrow his kiss, or bask in all the beauty he shares.

However, you couldn't really do that, could you? After all, you're a teacher like Gojo. The higher-ups might find it weird if they caught wind of such thoughts about your coworker.

So you simply sat there, patiently waiting for Gojo Satoru to arrive, and handed him the sweater. You wonder what outfit he wears this time. Maybe something cute or cool.

Humming to pass the time, you had no idea how long you had been waiting for Gojo. According to Kusakabe, Gojo was engaged in a long conversation with Yaga, indicating something important, especially since he had just returned from Africa.

As twilight blankets the horizon, its orange hue tenderly caresses your body, filling your mind with positive thoughts.

Once again, you find yourself gazing at the sweater, almost breathless, as weird thoughts flood your mind.

An irresistible urge consumes you, telling you to steal the sweater and take it home. Imagine yourself wearing it while you're sleeping. Imagine that Gojo gives it to you as a gift.

You don't care if Gojo might catch you and claim you as a thief. You have to do it.

It was just a little thing; Gojo wouldn't be angry.

So, you took the sweater from the paper bag, feeling the soft fabric caress your fingertips as the scent of fresh detergent danced to your nostrils.

Gazing at the sweater for a moment, you lost yourself in thought, and you found yourself drowning in a desire for him—Gojo Satoru.

You might come across as a bit creepy this time, really, but who can judge you when you have such adorable coworkers? Everyone can lose their minds too.

You swiftly put on that sweater, feeling the warmth from its fabric snugly enveloping your presence. A gentle blush tinged your cheeks as the thought of Gojo hugging you from behind flooded your sweet dreams.

Is it real, or is it just a dream?

"So sweet... So warm. I wonder if Gojo-san is always this warm..."

However, before you have time to change your mind and put the sweater in the paper bag, you feel like someone is tapping on your shoulder—not a forceful touch, but a tender and gentle one.

"Of course I always have this warmth, sensei; do you want to feel that too?"

As you turned your head, there he was—Gojo Satoru—standing right there with a gentle smile gracing his lips. His silver hair is caressed by the hues of orange and red from twilight, making his presence look adorable.

You don't even know how long he has been standing before you. Perhaps he witnessed the way you unfolded his sweater, wearing it as if it were yours and hearing how much you adored it.

"Eh... Gojo—"

"Why are you so surprised? You look like you've seen a ghost. But I wasn't a ghost!"

He tilted his head for a better view, letting out a cute chuckle while casting curious glances at you.

Froze. You stood frozen there. Blurred and foggy. Breathless. How could he stare at you with such eyes? It makes you fall deeper and deeper into his ocean-blue eyes.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to wear your stuff, Gojo-san."

"Eh? Do you think I was angry at you? No. Why would I be angry with someone as nice as you? Beside..."

He leaned in, keeping his head close to yours, and paused between your ears. You could feel Gojo's breath brushing against your ear and his sweet lips almost caressing your earlobe.

Whispering softly, he said, "I won't tell anyone about this, because it's quite embarrassing, right?"

Foggy eyes.

Trembling.

Heart pounding.

Rapidly.

Crimson cheeks.

Helpless.

Why did Gojo Satoru do this? Was he merely teasing you? Did he have a desire to see your embarrassment?

Why?

"I bought too much cake, and I want to share it with you. So, maybe you could join me at my apartment, and you'll have the chance to explore all of my sweaters. What do you say?"

This time, Megumi's prank really worked. But did Gojo call it a prank too?

#gojo x reader #gojo x you #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x you #jjk gojo x reader #satoru gojo x reader #gojo jjk x reader #gojo fluff #jujutsu kaisen gojo #jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru #satoru gojo

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angelic-muse · 11 months

Text

unforgettable

a/n: i couldn't not write anything for his special day, so enjoy, and happiest of birthdays to my silly mosshead man. this was written with both anime and opla zoro in mind so feel free to interpret it as either.

pairing: roronoa zoro x gn!reader

warnings: just fluff, not proofread

summary: it's your lover's birthday, and what better way to start the celebration than to stay awake and surprise him at midnight?

...that is, if you can stay awake.

must stay awake... must stay awake.

the sentence replayed itself in your groggy head like a mantra, a broken record stuck on repeat, a toy train running in slow circles around your brain as you fought the urge to tip over the line between wakefulness and sleep.

zoro deserved more than that.

"my birthday? never really done anything for it," he'd grunted the day before after you'd brought it up. the swordsman had frowned, scratched his head. "kinda forgot it was tomorrow, actually."

and it was then that you decided to make this birthday — and all his next ones, for that matter — unforgettable.

so after some pleading with nami that then lead to careful rearrangement of night watch schedules (despite the crew's grumbling), zoro would be set to finish his shift at midnight — exactly midnight.

and what would he find when he returned to his room? you, of course, waiting for the moment he stepped through the door to shower him in love and birthday wishes, followed by a day of celebrations just for him.

well, that was your plan.

but the actual staying awake hadn't been part of it.

since your shift for night watch was the last one, just before sunrise, you were lucky enough to be able to sleep soundly all night till then. which meant you were not at all used to being awake at this time and your body was slowly but surely losing the fight to fall unconscious.

you yawned, blinking heavy eyelids as you turned to squint at the sky, the gentle moonlight washing the deck of the going merry in its milky glow. it wasn't quite yet at its highest point — still not midnight.

surely a little lay down before zoro returned couldn't hurt, right?

don't fall asleep, you promised yourself one last time as you settled into his own hammock, breathing in the lingering scent of him with a sigh. don't fall asleep...

zoro muttered angrily as he stomped across the ship back to his room, not bothering to soften the loud thumping of his boots against the planks, swords clanking noisily at his hip.

"serves 'em right if they wake up," he groused, "putting me up there at this time all of a sudden for no fuckin' reason—"

he cut short as he shoved into his room, raising a brow at the sight that met him as he rid himself of swords and shirt. there you were, curled up in his spot, sleeping soundly like a contented cat.

"the hell you doing in my hammock?" he grumbled under his breath, but zoro slid in beside you anyways, throwing an arm over your shoulders and folding the other behind his head. he didn't mind that you were here — he never did. sleeping beside you was nothing out of the ordinary anymore. he liked it, enjoyed the easy comfort and security that came with you tucked against his side; hearts beating in time, every breath shared.

it was right when zoro was beginning to drift off that he felt you stir awake. cracking open one eye, he watched as you sat up, blinking tiredly. "zo... zoro?"

"what got you up?" he murmured as you yawned and stretched your arms overheard. "m'here, get back to sleep." get back to cuddling me.

"the smell of a pirate who hasn't showered in a week," you joked groggily, rubbing at your eyes. then you froze. shit.

shit!

"no, i fell asleep!" you groaned, burying your face in your hands. how could you? you promised yourself you wouldn't, for him, and now... "fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck... i'm sorry." you peeked back up at him, lower lip stuck out.

zoro frowned. "hah? what the hell are you on about?"

"i was meant to stay up," you said sadly. "to say happy birthday to you. at midnight. that's why i got nami to change your watch..."

rubbing a hand across his face, zoro sat up to look at you properly, blinking sleep away. you went to the trouble of getting his night watch changed and stayed up in his room just to say happy birthday to him? seriously?

he'd be surprised, but really, that was just the kind of stupid, endearing thing you'd do.

and so he laughed.

you blinked at him as his wide shoulders shook with mirth, head tossed back. an embarrassed warmth crept up your neck and you folded your arms, attempting to glare at him even as you fought to hold down a smile. "wh— it's not funny!"

"nah," he grinned at you as his laughter died down. "it's just cute. c'mere."

you yelped in half-protest as zoro grabbed your head to pull into his chest, laying back down with a sigh.

"you don't hafta... stay up until midnight or do shit like that just for me." he uttered after a moment of quiet, brushing his fingers through your hair. "you need your sleep, and i need mine. so just... just wait until morning next year, yeah?"

"i... okay," you sighed, trailing a finger across his chest, drawing mindless patterns over scarred, tawny skin, making him suppress a shiver. "i still have stuff planned for later, though."

"yeah? let's hear it."

"i'm not ruining the surprise, silly. but... i did get you some presents and convinced sanji to bake you a cake. among other things."

zoro snorted. "bet that shitty cook did it for you more than me."

"probably," you teased, tilting your head to look up at him. "don't get jealous that he might love me more than you, it's okay."

the swordsman scoffed, turning you both on your sides with a grunt. "maybe, but he'll never love you as much as i do."

you chuckled, tucking your head into the crook of his neck, inhaling his familiar scent; steel and sweat with an earthier undertone somewhere beneath. "i love you too, even though you still smell like you've never showered."

zoro barked out a laugh, tightening a thick arm around your waist to pull you further into him. "i'll take a shower for your birthday, how's that sound?"

you peered up at him and wrinkled your nose. he grinned.

"you're gross," you muttered with a smile even as you snuggled further into him. he kissed your forehead and you could feel his own smile against your skin.

"and you still love me."

"lucky you, huh?"

zoro exhaled softly, closing his eyes. "yeah, lucky me."

slowly, quiet draped itself over the two of you like the softest blanket, comforting and warm as the sounds of your breathing lulled each other to sleep after gentle whispers of goodnight and wishes of good dreams. and he rocked you in his arms, like how the gentle waves rocked you from below, mother nature's cradle for her sleeping children as they rested in an embrace so tightly woven with nothing but pure love not even the sharpest sword could ever hope to sever it.

and that morning, when zoro awoke to his dear lover smothering his face with kisses as they pulled him from his sleep with the promise of birthday gifts, he knew with clarity, such a deep, resounding clarity it made his heart ache—

that you, on this day and every other, were the greatest gift he could ever ask for.

nia's ask box is open!

#♡ — nia writes #zoro ♡#this is terribly unorganised and silly #and for that i apologise lmao #its currently 1am and i needed to get something out for the birthday boy #so please enjoy this incoherent jumble of words #roronoa zoro #roronoa zoro x reader #zoro x reader #opla zoro #opla zoro x reader #zoro #zoro x you #zoro x reader fluff #opla zoro x reader fluff #opla roronoa zoro #one piece #one piece x reader #opla x reader

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princessmaybank · 2 months

Note

OKAY LAST ONE I SWEAR I MEANT TO SPREAD THESE OUT OBER TIME

🍒 cherry red !

6 and 9 (dirty number not intended) with jj ! 💋

Finally, the last request from my celebration! I'm so sorry it took this long, I hope you enjoy it my love!

Come Crawling Back

Pairings: Rafe x Fem!Reader, JJ x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Oral (Fem. receiving), Edging, Fingering, etc.

Summary: Rafe can't satisfy you, so JJ will.

Author's Note: This one was kinda quick with smut, but I hope you all like it nonetheless!

"Oh fuck...oh fuck... FUCK-" I grunt after I feel Rafe pull away. His tongue perfectly swirled around my hole and his teeth bit at my clit with the most pleasurable pain. But he had to fucking PULL AWAY.

I huffed as he sat there, chuckling to himself. "It's called edging baby." He spoke. "It's called bullshit Rafe." I said standing up and pulling up my panties. My skirt followed as I fixed my hair and shirt. "Hey where ya goin? I'm not done with you!" He yelled as I walked out. This must have been the thousandth time this man has tried this whole 'edging' thing and the thousandth and one time I've told him I'm not into it. "To JJ's! At least I know he'll give me a good orgasm!" I yell out the door and walk to my car. JJ and I haven't done anything in a long time, but Rafe didn't need to know that. "Don't come crawling back to me bitch!" He slammed the door. I think Rafe and I just broke up..

Not literally cause we were just hooking up, but damn it's been a few months. I mean I have been looking for a reason to break it off, but I didn't expect it to be over this, and this soon. As I was driving to the chateau, I realized last time I talked to JJ, he wasn't thrilled about my 'adventures' with Rafe. I only told him about it last weekend when we had a small party at the chateau. I was drunk and I guess I felt like I was at confessional. JJ hasn't talked to me much since. It definitely made things a bit more awkward between us.

JJ and I used to have a friends-with-benefits relationship. It was great until one day he decided to end things because he felt like he might catch feelings and ruin our friendship. I told him nothing could ruin us, but he wasn't swayed, so we ended things. We were awkward for the first week or so but then we were the best of friends. Well until last weekend.

I pulled up to the chateau and realized I had no plan. What the fuck was I going to do? Just say that I haven't been able to cum and I need help from my best friend that is upset with me at the moment? No. I don't think so.

I walked into the chateau and was greeted by my friends. They were all sitting around the living room, watching a movie. Everyone shouted their own 'hello's' and 'how the hell are ya's'. I respond to all of them before they tell me to watch it with them.

"There's room next to JJ on the couch babe!" Kie yelled from the floor. Of course that's where I get to sit. I made my way to the couch and was getting ready to sit but JJ moved. Not away from me, he moved away from the arm of the couch so I could have that spot. He knows that's my favorite place to sit. I gave him a small smile and I got one back before sitting down.

JJ offered me his blanket but I didn't want him to get cold so I said I was fine. He clearly saw me shivering and he shared the blanket with me. Maybe I didn't have to think of what to say to him. We were okay. There's a slight tension but we are headed in the right direction which is all that matters.

I was still on edge from my rendezvous with Rafe earlier. I couldn't sit still and JJ seemed to notice. "Can you sit still please?" He whispered in my ear. "I'm trying.." I whined into his ear by accident. I immediately blushed and he adjusted next to me while clearing his throat.

"What's up with you?" He asked. I shook my head 'no' trying to put my attention back on the movie. JJ scooted closer to me and whispered in my ear. "I've fucked you multiple times, Y/N..I know when you're horny." His hand found my thigh under the blanket and slowly rubbed up and down. "I-I'm not." I don't look at him. His hand starts to get closer to my heat before I jump up. "I have to go! Xena needs to be let out!" I used my dog as a cover up. I walked outside and not too long after, JJ came out too. "I'll see you later Jay.." I walk to my car and open the door before it's slammed shut and I'm spun around and pinned against my door. "W-what-" I was cut off by JJ's lips.

He pulled back before opening the back door and helping me in there. He got on his knees in front of me and pulled my skirt, along with my panties, down my legs and threw them in the trunk. JJ spread my legs and licked his lips when he noticed how wet I was.

"Who did this to you?" He teased.

"R-Rafe, he's been liking to edge me recently... actually called it off because I was getting sick of it." I huffed. "Poor girl.. he wouldn't let you cum?" He teased as he rubbed the inside of my thigh. I shook my head no. "Well I'm feeling nice today, I'd love to help you out." He pulls my hips forward and lowers his tongue to my heat. "oh- shit.." I gasp and throw my head back. I feel his lips leave mine before he speaks.

"Ah ah ah, eyes on me babygirl." JJ looks me in the eyes as he pulls my chin down. He pressed his mouth against my cunt again, swirling different symbols with his tongue. "Mmmm shit-" I start to lay my head back before I feel a sharp pain on my clit. "Ow!" He bit me. "Said eyes on me sweetheart." He says before continuing to eat me out.

I do as he says and try my hardest to watch him. His eyes never left mine, even as he pushed his fingers into me. "Fuck Jay- don't stop..." He giggled against my clit. If he wasn't busy I could hear him saying something like 'wasn't plannin' on it darlin'. His tongue and his fingers sped up while my mouth was spewing moans and curses, occasionally slipping JJ's name in there. "F-fuck Jay- m'gonna c-cum.." I whine before releasing on his fingers. He pulls out with a groan and slips his fingers into his mouth.

"Good girl..." He praised and rubbed my thigh as I came down from my high.

"Feel better now?" I shook my head and smiled at him. "Thought you'd never do that for me ever again." I giggle. "Well I did miss it, and the fact that I got you off and Rafe didn't, even if it was on purpose, is giving me a complex." He laughs which makes me giggle in return. "Well thank you for your help Jay..I needed that." I smile at him. "Any time sweetheart, anytime." He smirks and winks at me before giving me a kiss. "Next time you'll have to help me out."

#princess jade's 1.5k celebration #1.5k followers #outer banks #jj maybank #obx fic #rudy pankow smut #rudy pankow x reader #obx x reader #outer banks smut #jj maybank smut #jj maybank imagine #smut prompts

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sukuna-darling · 2 years

Text

Cᴏᴘ!Tᴏᴊɪ ᴀɴᴅ…sʜᴀʀɪɴɢ

tags ⥂ 𝐦𝐝𝐢, PwP, m x w x m, cop!toji, cop!sukuna, pervert!reader, established relationship, praise/degradation, sex whilst intoxicated, anal fingering, nipple play/talk of lactation, talk of breading and double stuff, toji outs you to sukuna, lingerie eating pussy from the back, cock sucking, ball message, begging, threesome, spanking, daddy/princess

all works

Sitting sandwiched between Sukuna and Toji. Whilst Toji has his hand underneath the frilly skirt of the lingerie he told you to wear. Because he wanted to show you off to his new partner, Sukuna, who he had been making fast friends with.

You are used to Toji wanting to show you off. Encouraging you to wear revealing clothes. Whilst he upheld a look but don’t touch rule for those who admire.

A rule that he hasn't told Sukuna yet. Looking up at Toji when Sukuna grabbed your thigh and slipped it over his, spreading your legs apart.

You ask, “Toji?” He takes a sip of his beer. He doesn’t take his eyes off the tv. Which you stare ahead at, whilst trying not to shift as Toji’s hand moves higher up your skirt.

Sukuna says, “How cute. I think she is asking for permission to enjoy how I'm touching her. Even though her slutty pussy is soaking through her panties from just sitting between up.” He sets his beer down and squeezes your inner thigh. His warm, thick fingers graze your damp panties.

Toji says, “She’s a well-trained slut. Why do you think I married her?” Toji slips your right leg over him, hiking your skirt up. Whilst sliding his hand slowly up and down your thigh. His hand gets higher every time until his fingers touch your clothed pussy.

Your clit twitches as your pussy lips tingle from the soft touches. You say, "I've been thinking about what it's like to take both cocks."Slipping your hand underneath Toji’s dark sweatpants he had slipped into before dinner. He never wore underwear around the house, making it easy to cup his balls. Whilst his heavy warm cock rests on your hand.

You ask them, "How am I supposed to not think about getting double stuffed when both of you have been eyeing me up all throughout dinner?" The sheer see-through white baby doll style lingerie made it hard for them to look, respectively.

From the moment you opened the door, Sukuna has been shamelessly admiring your ass which the skirt didn't cover. Whilst your skimpy string panties barely covered your puffy pussy. And your hard nipples are mouth-watering, occasionally peaking out from behind the lacework of your top.

Toji responds, “How about you thank me, princess, for being a good husband? Get on your ass and knees on the sofa to suck my cock and put your pretty ass in Sukuna's face.” Sukuna and Toji let your thighs and you take your hand out of Toji’s sweatpants. He pushes down whilst you get on all four.

Toji’s cock is in your face whilst your ass and pussy is in Sukuna’s face. Grabbing your husband cock, your finger tips don’t touch. Whilst his tip rubs your bottom lip when you lift him up.

Spitting in his cock, which you smear down his length with your hand. Whilst you tell him, “Your cock will always be my favorite. Thank you Daddy for sharing me with your handsome friend.” You wiggle your hips in Sukuna’s face. Whilst you feel the sofa shift.

Pulling on the strings of the bow on the back of your neck. Your lacy top falls and he grabs your panties ripping them off. Before groping one of your breasts, swirling your soft nub with his calloused thumb.

He groans, “Her pussy she pretty and so fucking messy got her asshole glistening from it dripping down from when she sat.” He spits on your other hole. Which he nudges past with one finger.

Pausing and moaning around Toji’s cock, whilst Sukuna spits on your other hole again. Pushing it in whilst he slowly pumps his thick finger in. And when you don’t move, Toji grabs your hair and rolls his hips up.

Toji groans, “Her ass is always so sensitive, and since you’ve been staring at it you might as well take her ass. While I get my beautiful drooling count to fill full of cum. Might get her pregnant and make her breasts bigger for us to play with.” Switching from pumping his hips to bobbing your head.

Forcing you to take deep, long strokes of his cock. His head almost slips out before he shoved your head back down. Till his balls push up against your chin. Whilst Sukuna slaps your ass roughly to watch it jiggle.

He groans, “I can’t wait to see her soft nipples dripping milk. She is going to be a hot, slutty milf who has two daddies taking care of her greedy whore holes.” Adding another finger, stretching the tight ring of your other hole.

Sukuna buries his face into your pussy. Which you push back against his face. Whilst he nudges his warm tongue past your lips. Rubbing the inside of your soft squishy pussy, until he finds the spot that has you quivering on his tongue.

Your other hole clenching his fingers. Which he curls and uncurls whilst he pumps the faster than his tongue.

Toji lifts your head up, letting you catch your breath. He says, “Ever since you walked in on him changing and saw his tattooed cock, you’ve been having dreams about both of us. You’ve even moaned our names in your sleep last night.” Whilst you softly pant, you stick your tongue out for him to slap his cock against.

He holds his cock still whilst you moans, “M’ sorry daddy, I want him too. His cock is so long and veiny. Whilst the tattoos on him make me want to see what his inked-up cock looks like covered in my cum.” Sukuna smirks into your pussy whilst Toji pulls your head up.

Looking Toji in the eyes, you beg, “I love you so much Daddy, don’t be mad in such a whore. Please I’ll be a good girl for you. And I love how your cock looks the best. So thick and veiny, your cum tastes so good Daddy. No one could ever replace you.” He chuckles while he kisses your forehead.

He says, “Daddy loves you too. If I was mad, his face wouldn’t be in your pussy, whilst you're gobbling my cock like a good slut. Princess, I’ve seen your porn history. You dream of being double-stuffed and triple-stuffed. It’s a good thing I love hearing you tell me how much better my cock is than everyone else.” Opening your mouth, Toji pushes your head down.

Gagging around him, making your body clench, squeezing Sukuna’s tongue and fingers. Whilst fat tears burn your eyes.

#toji smut #toji x reader #sukuna x reader #sukuna smut #jjk smut #jjk #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jujutsu kaisen scenarios #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x you #toji thirst #sukuna thirst #sukuna ryomen #ryomen sukuna #toji fushiguro #fushiguro toji

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propertyofyoutube · 5 months

Note

I HAVE A REQUEST

So the fic could be a Sam X reader, and it starts with just pure smut and him being dominant, then after right, the reader Is laying in bed and Sam's editing. The reader takes out her phone and does the trend 'this man just took my ability to walk and now he's editing' and the reader, who is publicly dating, posts it and it gets millions of view and likes and Sam gets a notification too and he opens it to see that, and then he stops editing and starts cuddling the reader, ending the fic in fluff or smut, your choice. Sam could also ask at the end 'you happy now?'

Are you happy now? - EXPLICIT

WARNINGS: SMUT 18+, unprotected sex, dom!sam, controlling during sex, rough but passionate, angry!sam, creampie, oral, gagging, pure filth and love. Oh and bad language lol.

Not edited.

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You sat peacefully on the sofa in yours and Sam's shared bedroom, happily scrolling through your TikTok foryou page. You suddenly came across an edit of you and Sam. Your eye fell wide as you watched the skills of the talented fans, highlighted moments in your relationship in the most amazing way. You and Sam had been public for almost 2 years now, and it still was hard for you to see yourself in this way. Something you'd probably never get used to. As you watched the quickly changing clips your heart dropped as you saw a text message from Colby drop down the top of your screen.

Colbs: yooo, warning! Shitty day, Sam's pretty angry about this last meeting...

You: oh fuck... is he okay? Are you okay? When you say angry, like shouting angry or silent angry?

Your thumb twiddled across your keyboard as you watched Colby's typing bubble show up. You wasn't sure which you'd prefer right now. Shouting angry Sam meant he would probably have to offload his stress on you with a monologue of curse words and exaggerated arm movements. But silent angry Sam, could be two things; 1- headphones on/movie on and cuddling in silence, 2- breaking your back in an outburst of dominance and frustration, most perfect stress reliever. Lowkey, you were hoping for the latter.

Colbs: I'm okay, Sam will probably explain it to you... but let's just say he hasn't said a word since he started driving home...

You: right okay... thanks for the heads up x

You sighed after texting Colby back. You hated when Sam had a shit day, it killed you to see him upset, and we're always willing to do whatever it took to make him feel better.

>>>>>>>>>

It had only been 20 minute you were waiting, still sat on the sofa, before you heard the front door open. You waited nervously as you closed your phone placing it down beside you. You could hear Colby's voice muffling in the background and suddenly the sound of footsteps making their climb up the staircase. You knew those angry footsteps anywhere.

You took a deep breath as the bedroom door opened and Sam walked in, throwing his bag down quickly, his jaw clenched and his fists stiff.

"Hey baby, are you okay?" You asked, trying to make it seem like Colby hadn't already told you that he wasn't okay.

Sam instantly began to take off his jacket, your eyes fell wide as his gaze met yours as he walked further into the room. You knew that look anywhere. His hands quickly unbuckled his belt as you felt your stomach do a flip and your heat twitch. “Clothes off. Now.” He spoke firmly as your eyes fell wide with both concern and excitement. “I need you.” Sam said his voice shaking with so much emotion.

You instantly stood up and began to remove your clothes your heart beating fast. As you quickly managed to strip completely naked, you looked up to see Sam, his expression softening ever so slightly at the view of you. “Fuck me…” he said, his voice low. “Get over here now.” He said firmly.

You bit your lip in anticipation as you began to head over to him. Sam stepped forward meeting you halfway as he crashed his lips onto yours. The kiss was instantly hot and passionate. His hands wandering around your body.

“I’ve had… such a shitty day…” Sam mumbled against your lips as his grip on your skin deepened.

“I know baby…” you whispered back between kisses.

“All I thought about… was you..” he continued, as he suddenly tugged on your hair, pulling your head back earning a moan from you. “And taking all my frustrations out on that perfect little pussy of yours…” Sam suddenly bit on your lip as his voice sent shivers down your body. “Do you want me to feel better baby?” He asked, his voice low.

“Uh huh…” you managed to squeeze out through moans.

You felt as Sam smirked against your lips, he quickly moved to near your ear as he spoke firmly, “then be a good girl, and get on those knees.” As he suddenly nibbled on your ear your eyes rolled back as you nodded.

Without question, you instantly dropped to your knees, his throbbing cock now directing in your eye line. “Don’t make me ask again.” Sam said with a smirk across his face. You smiled back up at him as you licked your lips, his hand grazing across your chin.

You quickly grabbed his cock as Sam’s jaw slacked open. Your eyes gazing up at him as you suddenly took the head of his dick into your mouth. Sam moaned low as you swirled your tongue around. “Fuck baby… if you don’t stop teasing me… I’ll fuck the back of your throat until you gag.” You loved this side of Sam. When his dominant side really shines through, the control he has turned you on more than anything.

You obeyed and quickly began to bob your head back and forth, taking as much as you could whilst stroking the rest of him.

“Fuck… that’s it baby girl.” Sam spoke between groans.

You couldn’t help but smile, you always felt proud of yourself when Sam praised you like this. His hand stroking the back of your head and the feeling of your lips surrounding his cock making both of you melt.

Suddenly Sam started to buck his hips slightly, you could tell his desperate for more. You looked up at him as you suddenly opened up your mouth wider, giving him permission to take over. He quickly looked down at you with his eyes full of love as they suddenly turned much darker and he bit his lip, grabbing the back of your head with both hands suddenly began to face fuck you. “Atta girl!” Sam groaned deeply as his cock hit the back of your throat. Again and again. Sam held his cock there for a moment as your eyes began to water and you couldn’t help but gag.

“Fuck…” Sam groaned as he pulled out slowly. Allowing you to catch your breath. After a moment, the air back in your lungs, he pushed his dick straight back in, repeating the same steps. As you gagged once more, he pulled out once again as he breathed heavily. “Fuck baby, come here.” He demanded as you stood up wiping drool from your chin.

“Jump.” He said firmly as you quickly hopped up, his hands grabbing your legs as they wrapped around his waist.

You couldn’t help but let out a squeal of excitement as he threw you onto the bed. He immediately followed you as he hovered his body above yours. He reconnected your lips in another moment of passion as he took his hand, moving it down along your body until it reached your heat. As Sam’s fingers found your clit and began to rub in fast circles, you moaned against his lips as he kissed you. Your back arched off the bed as your soaking core finally had some relief. But you wanted more, you needed him, you needed to feel him inside of you.

“You… are the only thing… that gets me through the day.” Sam groaned as he kissed down to your neck, rubbing faster.

“D-don’t stop baby…” you cried out, your head throwing back in pleasure. That knot forming in your stomach as you bucked your hips against his hand.

“What happened to your manners?” Sam said firmly, as his hand slowly lowered its speed.

Your jaw fell wide open as that ache returned, “p-please Sam. Please, just fuck me.” You begged as a smirk formed on Sam’s face.

“Be careful what you wish for…” Sam said catching you off guard as he suddenly took his cock, pushing it deep inside of you with no warning. Both of you simultaneously moaning loudly.

As Sam began to thrust in and out of you, your hands gripped onto his back as you slowly dragged your nails down, earning an even deeper groan from Sam. The knot in your stomach quickly reformed as you were now desperate to feel that release of pleasure. “Fuck Sam.” You moaned out as Sam felt your walls clench around him. Suddenly he lifted himself off you slightly as he began to pound into you, deeper and faster as your legs began to shake.

“That’s it baby, cum for me.” Sam spoke with demand on his voice.

His speed consistent as you felt it build up quickly, until it suddenly exploded. Your whole body filled from top to bottom with a rush of passion and pleasure. “Sam!” You cried out as Sam felt you cum all over him. Sam’s thrusts slowed down slightly as he rode out your high before pulling out of you. He quickly raised onto his knees.

“Turn over.” He demanded, the way his voice changed with his dominance was breathtaking. You obliged immediately flipping over as you tried to catch your breath.

Sam bit his lip as he began to tease your entrance with his cock. “If only… my employees could be as obedient as you…” he spoke as his heart pounded, remembering why he was so angry.

“Please Sammy…” you begged, your body now becoming more exhausted but ready for more.

“As you wish, princess.” Sam said as he quickly pushed himself back inside of you, hitting your g-spot instantly in your still sensitive core.

“Oh shit..” you gasped as he pulled back out before pushing deep inside of you once again. Sam groaned lower than ever as he began to pick up his speed with each thrust. His hips smacking loudly against your ass, loud enough for the neighbours to hear as he pounded into you.

“Fuck y/n…” Sam groaning your name sent shivers throughout your entire body. Suddenly, Sam leaned forward grabbing both of your hands as he pulled them behind your back, allowing your chest to fall onto the bed. “I’m gonna split you in half.” Sam spoke through gritted teeth.

“Yes baby!” You cried out as Sam pinned your arms by the wrist to your lower back and he instantly sped up once again, his dick deeper inside of you with each powerful thrust. “Fuck fuck fuck!” You cried out as the side of your face rested on the mattress.

“Fuck, I’m close baby.” Sam groaned as he refused to lay off. “Cum with me, okay?” He said as you whined nodding your head, unable to form words.

“Good girl.” Sam praised once again allowing that knot to instantly form, quickly expanding in your stomach. You both became moaning messes as his pounded you to your limit.

“Fuck now, y/n!” He practically shouted as a string of curse words left both of your mouths. Your walls clenched around him, as you came all over his cock. Quickly followed by his hot cum filling you up entirely.

Sam’s thrusts slowed down, riding out both of your highs, until he slowly pulled out. His hot cum spilling out after him. “Are you okay?” Sam quickly asked, it was rare he was that hard on you, and he always needed to make sure you were okay.

“Uh huh…” you nodded with a smile as you breathed heavily, your heart pounding out of your chest.

Sam suddenly leaned down, kissing your cheek gently, as he moved your hair out of your face. “Why don’t you go take a shower baby?” Sam suggested before kissing you on the lips, much more sweet than before.

You nodded your head sloppily as your energy had gone from 100 to 0.

“I’ll be right here, waiting when you get back.” Sam said with a smile as you kissed him once more.

>>>>>>>>>

The shower was exactly what you needed after that. However, your legs were weak, and it was truly a challenge to stay stood up right whilst you washed. But, you managed to pull through.

As you walked back into the room, you looked at the bed to see Sam not there. You sighed slightly, as knowing this boy, he probably was working once again. Even after such a shitty day. Once you put on your pjs and brushed your hair, you left the bedroom and walked down the hallway, stopping at Sam and Colby’s shared office. As you peeped around the door, you saw Sam, headphones on, clicking away. You smiled as you watched the concentration on his face, however, this bitch promised to be waiting for you for a cuddle. You leaned on the door frame as you lifted your arm, knocking 3 times. Sam’s eyes quickly darted to the door as he lifted one side of his headphones away from his ear.

“Hey baby, I just thought I’d start editing next months video.” He said as he smiled at you. You smiled back with a sigh as you rested your head on the frame.

“Tonight?” You said with sadness in your voice.

Sam sighed as he glanced at his screen and then back at you, “just 15 minutes, I promise…” he said softly, which you knew full well would turn out to be a lie.

“Okay…” you said with a smile as he smiled back with so much love and appreciation on his face for you. After the pounding you had, you truly did just want him to hold you, you never really was one for much aftercare, but you felt so exhausted you just wanted to be with him.

You scrunched your face up, trying to think of a way to get him to bed, but unfortunately nothing came to you. You took a deep breath once again, as you looked over at him, his eyes glued to the screen as he clicked away. You took out your phone as snapped a video of him editing away. You chuckled to yourself as you walked back to the bedroom.

As you climbed into bed, you headed straight onto TikTok, immediately opening to another edit of yourself and sam. Which immediately gave you a bright idea. You bit your lip mischievously as you selected the video of Sam editing. You couldn’t help but chuckle to yourself as you joined the TikTok trend by typing, ‘man just blew my back out and now he’s editing🤔’ and added a sound. You paused for moment before hitting post, unsure of how Sam would take you posting this, but also knowing that the fans would absolutely love it. As you battled with yourself for a moment, the fans won. The fans will always win. You hit post and within 3 seconds, the comments, likes and shares started rolling in. Your phone going crazier than usual.

As Sam felt his eyes falling heavy, he already wanted to call it quits after 5 minutes. He just wanted to be with you, holding you after such a long day but such an amazing night. ‘Just one more clip’ he thought to himself but he suddenly noticed his phone flashing like crazy, as much as when they post a new Sam and Colby video. He frowned confused for a moment, as he removed his headphones picking up his phone. His mouth and eyes simultaneously fell wide as he watched your TikTok and the read the comments as they continued to roll on. The corners of his mouth slowly began to turn upwards as a smile spread across his face.

Almost 5 minutes had passed and you continued to scroll through your foryou page. You weren’t even sure if Sam had seen the video, so when he appeared in the bedroom, you kept your eyes on your phone as you spoke, trying your best to hold in a laugh, “finished so soon babe?” You asked with innocence in your voice.

Sam continued to walk across the room before climbing into bed beside you. He grabbed your phone out of your hands, locking it and putting it back down as he lifted his arm up over your head, signalling for you to cuddle him.

You looked up at him with a smile as you wiggled yourself into his arms. He squeezed tightly as he kissed your head and you exhaled deeply in a sigh of relaxation.

“Are you happy now?” Sam asked with a chuckle.

You gazed up at him with a mischievous smirk across your face, “I’ve never felt happier.”

Sam glared at you but he simply couldn’t resist that smile and those eyes, “it’s a good job I love you more than anything.” He said as he made himself more comfortable.

“It’s a good job I’m incredibly patient.” You said sarcastically knowing you are the completely opposite.

Sam looked at you his eyebrows raised, “hmm, so patient!” He laughed as you suddenly leaned up kissing him deeply.

As you pulled away he looked deep into your eyes as you spoke, “I love you more.” You said softly as Sam smiled, pulling you in and connecting your lips once again.

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Authors note: hey guys, I hope you enjoyed this one! I know I enjoyed writing it! Make sure to leave your requests! 🖤

#sam and colby #smut #sam golbach #fanfiction #sam golbach smut #samgolbach #sam golbach dirty imagines #sam golbach imagines #sam x y/n #sam golbach fluff #sam golbach one shot #sam golbach x reader #samgolbach dirty #samgolbachdirty #sam goldbach smut

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lila-lou · 3 months

Text

✨His true fate - Part 4/?✨

Summary: Jensen hasn't been happy for years. But it seems almost impossible for him to escape. After another nasty argument between him and his wife, he decides to visit his ´former´ best friend for his birthday. Back in Austin, an encounter awaits him that will turn his life completely upside down.

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Warnings: Language, age gap, "cheating"

Word Count: 5492

A/N: English isn’t my first language, so please be lenient. 💙✨

You sat down beside Jensen, feeling the weight of the evening’s intensity still hanging between you. There was a few moments of silence, both of you unsure of how to proceed. You nervously looked towards your intertwined hands resting on your knees, trying to gather your thoughts.

Jensen followed your gaze, his own eyes softening as he observed your uncertainty. He gently nudged your knee with his own. “You okay?”, he asked softly, his voice filled with genuine concern.

You glanced up at him, meeting his gaze with a mixture of gratitude and vulnerability. “I… I think so”, you replied honestly, a faint smile tugging at the corners of your lips. “It’s just… everything feels a bit overwhelming, you know?”.

Jensen nodded in understanding. “I know”, he murmured. “Tonight has been… unexpected”.

You chuckled softly, feeling some of the tension begin to ease. “That’s one way to put it”, you agreed.

He smiled warmly, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

“I didn’t mean to come on too strong”, Jensen murmured, his voice tinged with a hint of uncertainty. “But I just…”. He trailed off, his expression searching for the right words.

You gently shook your head, meeting his gaze with understanding. “It’s not that I didn’t like it”, you whispered softly, a fond chuckle escaping your lips. “Because I did”. You looked down at your intertwined hands for a moment, feeling a rush of warmth at the memory. “I’ve never been kissed that damn good before, but…”, you trailed off, biting your lip nervously.

Jensen’s eyes softened as he watched you, sensing your hesitation. He reached out, gently lifting your chin with his finger to meet his gaze again. “But what?”, he asked gently, his voice encouraging yet filled with a hint of concern.

You took a deep breath, gathering your thoughts. “But I’m not for meaningless hook ups”, you admitted quietly, searching his eyes for understanding. “I want more than just a moment. I want…”. You paused, unsure of how to articulate the yearning in your heart.

Jensen’s thumb brushed lightly over your cheek, his touch gentle and reassuring. “You want something real”, he finished for you, his voice soft but resolute. “I understand”.

Jensen let his hand fall from your face, the warmth of his touch lingering even as he withdrew. He hadn’t intended for things to escalate so quickly, nor had he planned on a casual fling. But hearing you express your desire for something more, complicated things. The reality of his situation—his public image, his family—made it clear that an affair was the only thing feasible, even though it wasn’t what he wanted.

You sighed deeply, your eyes reflecting the inner turmoil you felt. “There’s so much more to the story”, you mumbled, a note of frustration in your voice. “But right now, I don’t want to talk through all of this”. You glanced back at him, your expression softening. “You’re a nice guy, Jensen. Incredibly funny, outrageously good looking, and… just so lovable, but…”.

The realization hit you harder as you struggled to articulate your thoughts. You bit your lip, feeling a pang of sadness. “You’re too old for me, Jensen. Too old to be something more than a hookup. And since I’m not down for hookups anyway, there’s not much more left for us".

Jensen’s expression tightened slightly, the weight of your words sinking in. He nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving yours. “I get it”, he said quietly, his voice tinged with a mix of regret and understanding. “I didn’t plan for any of this, believe me”.

There was a moment of silence between you, the air thick with unspoken emotions.

There was another moment of silence between you, the air thick with unspoken emotions. You took a deep breath, gathering your courage to continue. “I’m incredibly drawn to you, Jensen”, you admitted, your voice trembling slightly. “I’ve never felt such a strong connection to someone, especially someone I just met recently. It’s… overwhelming”.

You bit your lip, hating yourself for speaking the truth when all you wanted to do was straddle his lap and feel those plump lips of his one more time. To smell his intoxicating scent, to feel his huge rough hands on your skin. This man was trouble, and you knew it the moment your eyes fell upon him.

“I’ve already got enough fights left to fight”, you continued, your voice barely above a whisper. “A hookup with this amount of intense connection… it might lead to a situation I don’t want to be in”.

Unknown to you, Jensen felt the exact same way. The moment he laid eyes on you, he knew you were different. Special. The connection between you was undeniable, and it scared him as much as it excited him.

He reached out, his fingers brushing lightly against your cheek. “I’m sorry”, he murmured, his voice filled with a mix of longing and regret. “I wish things were different".

You closed your eyes, leaning into his touch for a brief moment before pulling away. “Me too”, you whispered, the ache in your chest intensifying. “But we can’t change what is”.

Jensen’s hand dropped to his side, a resigned sigh escaping his lips. “No, we can’t”, he agreed softly.

You smiled, but it was a strained, bittersweet smile. “But I’m up for a friendship if you want to”, you said quietly, laying your hand gently on his forearm. The simple touch sent a shiver down both your spines, the electricity between you undeniable even in this moment of trying to establish boundaries.

Jensen looked down at your hand on his arm, feeling the warmth and the connection that still lingered between you. He took a deep breath, lifting his eyes to meet yours. “A friendship”, he repeated softly, as if testing the word, trying to see if it could contain the depth of what he felt.

“Yeah”, you nodded, your thumb unconsciously brushing against his skin. “I don’t want to lose whatever this is, even if it can’t be what we might want it to be”.

Jensen’s eyes softened, and he covered your hand with his own, giving it a gentle squeeze. “okay”, he said, his voice steady but tinged with a hint of sadness.

“So”, Jensen continued, trying to lighten the mood, “what do friends do in a situation like this?”.

You chuckled softly, appreciating his attempt to ease the tension. “Well, friends usually talk, hang out, and support each other”, you said, a genuine smile spreading across your face. “And maybe share a drink or two?”.

Jensen grinned, the warmth returning to his eyes. “I can definitely do that”, he replied, standing up and extending his hand to you. “Let’s go grab something to drink and start this friendship right”.

You took his hand, feeling the familiar spark, and stood up beside him. “Sounds like a plan”, you agreed.

As you walked together towards the kitchen, you couldn’t help but feel that despite the complications, you had found something special in each other—a connection that, while it might not fit neatly into the roles you originally envisioned, was still incredibly valuable and worth nurturing.

It took quite a while for the thick air to lighten up, but eventually, the tension began to fade as you and Jensen started talking about lighter topics. You found yourself sitting on the kitchen island, swinging your legs slightly, while Jensen leaned against the countertop across from you, his arms crossed and a relaxed smile on his face.

The conversation had drifted to past experiences, and you were telling him about the first time you had a hookup. It was a story that was both mortifying and hilarious in hindsight, and you couldn’t help but laugh along with him as you recounted the details.

“So, there I was, thinking everything was fine”, you said, shaking your head with a chuckle. “We’d had a great night, and I woke up the next morning to find that all my panties were gone”.

Jensen burst into laughter, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he tried to catch his breath. “Wait, for real? He stole all your panties?”, he asked, still chuckling.

You nodded, taking another sip of your drink. “Yep, every single one of them. I was mortified! I had to call my best friend to bring me something to wear. Ever since that terrible, crazy night, I don’t do hookups anymore”.

Jensen laughed even harder, shaking his head in disbelief. “That’s insane! I’ve heard some crazy stories, but that one takes the cake”.

You grinned. “Yeah, it was a nightmare at the time, but now it’s just a funny story to tell. Lesson learned, I guess”.

Jensen’s laughter gradually subsided, and he looked at you with a twinkle in his eye. “Well, I can’t say I’ve ever had anything quite that wild happen to me, but I definitely understand why you’re cautious about hookups now”.

You nodded, appreciating his understanding. “Yeah, it’s just not worth the hassle. I’d much rather have meaningful connections".

Jensen’s smile softened, and he nodded in agreement. “I get that. Meaningful connections are definitely worth more”. He took a sip of his own drink, his eyes still sparkling with amusement from your story.

"So, come on", you teased with a mischievous grin, "an old man like you must have some legendary hookup stories. I bet you've seen it all".

Jensen chuckled, shaking his head as he leaned back against the countertop. "There's the old man thing again", he teased back. "I'm starting to think you enjoy reminding me of my age".

You laughed, raising your hands in mock surrender. "I plead the fifth", you replied, feigning innocence. "But seriously, spill the tea. I want to hear about young Jensen's wild adventures".

Jensen smirked, pretending to ponder for a moment before leaning in closer, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "Alright, but you didn't hear it from me", he said with mock seriousness, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "Let's just say, my younger days were full of unexpected twists and turns".

You leaned in, genuinely intrigued. "Oh, come on now, you can't leave me hanging like that", you urged, your curiosity piqued.

He chuckled again, running a hand through his hair. "Okay, okay", he relented, a smile playing on his lips. "But I have to warn you, some of these stories might make you rethink your impression of me".

You grinned, ready to hear whatever scandalous tales he was willing to share.

Eventually, the two of you found yourselves drunk again, which obviously wasn’t the smartest thing to do. The night had taken a playful turn, and now you were straddling his thighs while he lay on the carpet in front of the couch. This had happened after he insisted you show him some self-defense tricks, clearly underestimating your technique.

Jensen chuckled, his hands resting lightly on your hips as he looked up at you. "I didn’t think you’d actually flip me", he admitted, amusement dancing in his eyes.

"Guess you underestimated me", you replied with a grin, trying to ignore the fluttering in your stomach at the closeness between you two.

His grip on your hips tightened slightly as he laughed, the sound sending a warm shiver down your spine. "You’re full of surprises", he said, his tone softer now, more serious.

You felt a rush of warmth, a mixture of the alcohol and the undeniable chemistry between you. "You don’t know the half of it", you teased, but there was a note of honesty in your voice. The moment hung between you, charged with the potential for so much more.

You couldn't help but notice his hardness, visible again under his sweatpants, but you didn’t say or do anything. Even if you told him earlier that there wasn’t much more happening except for a friendship, the feeling of being drawn to him didn’t lessen. Still, even though you were drunk, you held onto your morals. At least being close to him, you couldn’t deny yourself that much.

Gently, you rolled off him and lay beside him on the carpet. You yawned tiredly, feeling the alcohol's effects intensify, making everything spin slightly after your little self-defense action. You simply didn’t move, staying beside him on the carpet.

Jensen turned his head to look at you, a soft smile on his lips. "You okay?", he asked quietly.

You nodded, turning to face him. "Yeah, just… tired and tipsy", you admitted with a small chuckle.

He reached out, brushing a strand of hair away from your face. "We should probably get up, but this carpet isn’t too bad", he joked, trying to lighten the mood.

You laughed softly, closing your eyes for a moment. "I think I might just stay here", you murmured, feeling a sense of peace despite the swirling emotions and alcohol in your system.

Jensen shifted slightly. "If you’re comfortable, then so am I", he said softly.

His head was spinning too, clearly too much alcohol in his system. The quiet grew between you, a comfortable stillness that felt almost natural after the whirlwind of emotions and events.

As you lay side by side, the warmth of his presence became a soothing balm against the dizzying effects of the alcohol. The carpet was surprisingly comfortable, and the closeness of Jensen was reassuring.

Without even noticing, you both began to drift off. The exhaustion from the night's emotional rollercoaster and the alcohol in your veins took over. The world outside faded into the background, and the gentle rise and fall of your breaths synchronized in the dimly lit room.

The peaceful silence enveloped you both, and before long, sleep claimed you. The night's intensity and uncertainty melted away.

It wasn't until around ten in the morning that Jensen finally woke up. As he slowly opened his eyes, he found you curled in like a fetus next to him, facing him while still sleeping. There were just inches between the two of you. Even in his groggy and tired state, he carefully lifted his hand, brushing a strand of hair out of your beautiful and peaceful face.

His heart ached. "Fuck", he muttered under his breath, the words barely audible. What was wrong with him that he felt so damn connected and drawn to you? If he didn't know better, he might think he had fallen in love with you.

As he lay there, watching you sleep, the weight of the situation pressed down on him. He knew how complicated things were, knew the risks involved. But in that quiet moment, none of that seemed to matter. All he could focus on was the way your presence made him feel, the way you seemed to fit perfectly into a space in his life he hadn't even realized was empty.

Jensen's hand lingered near your face for a moment longer before he gently withdrew it, not wanting to wake you. He lay back, staring at the ceiling, trying to make sense of the whirlwind of emotions swirling within him. The night had been a blur of laughter, connection, and unspoken desires, but now the reality of the morning brought everything into sharper focus.

He knew he had to be careful, had to tread lightly. But as he glanced back at you, still peacefully asleep beside him, he couldn't help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, there was a way to navigate the complexities and find something real with you. The thought both thrilled and terrified him, but he knew one thing for certain—he couldn't ignore what he was feeling.

The morning light filtered softly through the windows, casting a warm glow over the room. Jensen took a deep breath, feeling a sense of calm wash over him.

You slowly stirred from your sleep, instinctively nestling closer to Jensen. Your face pressed softly against his chest, and he couldn't help but chuckle at the unexpected intimacy.

The sound of his laughter made you groan, still caught between the remnants of sleep and waking up. "Morning", Jensen teased softly, his voice filled with warmth. "Comfortable, are we?".

You groggily mumbled something unintelligible, trying to hide your face in his chest. Jensen’s chuckle deepened. "You know, if you wanted to use me as a pillow, you could've just asked".

Your eyes fluttered open, and you realized your position, cheeks flushing with embarrassment. You quickly sat up, trying to compose yourself. "I—uh, sorry", you stammered, looking anywhere but at him. "I didn't mean to—".

Jensen sat up too, his smile gentle and reassuring. "Hey, it's fine", he said, his tone playful but sincere. "I've been called worse things than a pillow".

You couldn't help but laugh at that, the tension easing a bit. "You're ridiculous", you said, shaking your head, but a smile tugged at your lips.

Jensen's eyes twinkled with amusement. "And yet, you´re still hanging out with me. What does that say about you?".

You blushed deeper, finally meeting his gaze. "I guess I like ridiculous people", you admitted with a shy smile.

You slowly sat up completely, clutching your head and groaning again as the hangover hit you hard. Jensen sat up beside you, hissing a strained “fuck” as he held his back, a series of cracks echoing through the room. His discomfort made you chuckle, despite the pulsing in your head.

“Getting too old for this, huh?”, you teased, trying to suppress a wince from your own hangover.

Jensen gave you a playful glare, still rubbing his back. “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. You won’t be so smug when you hit my age and can’t even sleep on the floor without falling apart”.

You chuckled, though it was cut short by a twinge of pain in your head. “Well, for an old man, you sure kept up pretty well last night”.

He raised an eyebrow, a smirk tugging at his lips. “Kept up? I think I won that little self-defense match, thank you very much”.

You shook your head, smiling despite yourself. “If by ‘won’ you mean got flipped and ended up on the floor, then sure, you won”.

Jensen laughed, a deep, genuine sound that made your heart flutter. “Alright, alright, I’ll give you that one. But only because I’m feeling generous today”.

You rolled your eyes, but couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face.

“You sure you’re okay?”, he asked, his voice quieter now, filled with genuine concern.

You nodded, meeting his gaze. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. Just need some water and maybe a nap. Or two”.

Jensen looked around, realizing there was no food or water left in the house. He rubbed his temples, contemplating the options. With no car and neither of you in any shape for a walk, he knew he had to figure something out.

“Give me two minutes”, he mumbled, getting up to his feet and searching for his phone.

You watched him move around the room, wincing slightly as he bent down to pick up his phone. He scrolled through his contacts, muttering under his breath. After a few moments, he sighed in relief, tapping on a name and holding the phone to his ear.

“Padalecki”, he said when the call connected.

Meanwhile, at Jared’s house, Genevieve walked towards her husband, handing him some painkillers for his own hangover. Jared took them gratefully, swallowing them with a gulp of water.

“Where’s Jensen, anyway?”, Genevieve asked, a hint of curiosity in her voice. “I didn’t see him when I got up”.

Jared shrugged, just as his phone rang. He glanced at the screen and saw Jensen’s name. “Speak of the devil”, he muttered, answering the call. “Hey, man. Rough night, huh? Where are you hiding?”.

Jensen hesitated for a moment, glancing over at you before replying, “I’m at my place. Could you swing by with some water and painkillers?”.

There was a pause on Jared’s end, then he burst out laughing. “Ah, I see how it is. You’ve got company, huh?”.

Jensen sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, something like that”.

Genevieve, who had been listening in, felt a pang in her chest. Her face paled slightly, but she kept quiet, not wanting to interrupt their conversation.

Jared continued teasing, his voice lighthearted. “Alright, man, I’ll bring the essentials. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to grab enough for your guest too”.

Jensen rolled his eyes good-naturedly, knowing Jared wouldn’t let him live this down anytime soon. “Thanks, Jared. See you soon”.

As Jared hung up and began gathering supplies, Genevieve turned away, her mind racing. She knew Jensen’s marriage had been struggling, but hearing him with someone else confirmed her suspicions.

Jared, oblivious to Genevieve’s distress, started packing a bag with water bottles, some snacks, and a couple of aspirin packets. “Alright, I’m gonna head over to Jensen’s place. You okay here?”.

Genevieve forced a smile and nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. Go help him out”.

Jared kissed her on the cheek and headed out the door, bag slung over his shoulder. As he drove to Jensen’s place, he couldn’t help but chuckle to himself, thinking about how his friend had probably ended up in this situation.

Back at Jensen’s house, you were sitting on the couch, trying to make sense of the previous night. Jensen hung up the phone and turned to you, a small, reassuring smile on his face. “Jared’s on his way".

You chuckled softly, shaking your head. “Wow, you even have ‘room service’. Impressive”.

Jensen let himself plop down on the couch beside you, groaning as his back cracked again. “Yeah, well, I guess it’s one of the perks of having friends who don’t judge too much”.

You smiled, feeling the tension ease a little. “You really should take better care of that back of yours, old man”.

He shot you a playful glare. “Keep it up with the old man jokes, and I might just make you walk back to Jared’s to get your car”.

You laughed, the sound echoing in the quiet room. “I’d probably end up more lost than anything. Plus, my head is killing me”.

Jensen nodded sympathetically. “Yeah, mine too. But don’t worry, Jared will be here soon. He’s always good in a crisis”.

You leaned back against the couch, closing your eyes for a moment. “I’ll take your word for it. Right now, I just need to survive this hangover”.

Jensen leaned back, his head hanging slightly over the couch, his eyes closed. His back cracked again, eliciting a small groan from him. Just as you were about to tease him once more, he reached out and gently grabbed you by the hair, pressing your face against his stomach to muffle your words. He did this without opening his eyes or moving his head, a soft chuckle escaping his lips.

“Hey!”, you mumbled against his shirt, your voice muffled but playful.

“Shh”, he murmured, a hint of amusement in his tone. “Let an old man rest in peace”.

You wriggled free and sat up, smirking at him. “You know, there are easier ways to avoid my jokes”.

Jensen opened one eye, peering at you with a playful glint. “But where’s the fun in that?”. He let go of your hair and settled back into the couch.

You shook your head, unable to suppress a smile. “You really are something else”.

Before Jensen could respond, the sound of a car pulling up outside caught your attention. You both turned to look out the window just as Jared’s familiar truck came into view.

“Looks like room service has arrived”, Jensen remarked with a grin, slowly getting to his feet.

You stood up, still feeling the effects of the hangover but grateful for the reprieve. Together, you walked to the front door, opening it just as Jared was about to knock.

Jared stepped inside, glancing between the two of you. His eyes landed on your outfit, which consisted of one of Jensen’s shirts and a pair of his boxers. Jared raised an eyebrow, a mischievous grin spreading across his face.

“Well”, Jared said, his tone teasing. “Did you two hook up or what?”.

Your face flushed a deep red as you stammered, “N-no, we didn’t…”.

Jensen, shaking his head, elbowed Jared in the ribs. “Knock it off, man. You know it’s not like that”.

Jared chuckled, raising his hands in mock surrender. “Hey, just asking. You two look awfully cozy”.

Jensen sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Actually, we accidentally fell into the pool last night. That’s why we’re in these clothes”.

Jared raised an eyebrow, clearly skeptical. “Fell into the pool, huh? That’s a new one”.

You nodded, trying to back up Jensen’s story. “Yeah, it was pretty late, and we were messing around. Things got a little out of hand”.

Jared crossed his arms, a smirk still playing on his lips. “So, you’re telling me you two just happened to end up in the pool and now you’re here in Jensen´s clothes. Sounds a bit too convenient, don’t you think?”.

Jensen rolled his eyes, giving Jared another nudge. “Believe what you want, man. That’s the truth”.

Jared laughed, clearly enjoying the teasing. “Alright, alright. I’ll let it go. For now”.

Jensen shook his head with a chuckle. “You’re impossible, you know that?”.

Jared grinned, taking a step back towards the door. “Just doing my job as a friend. Make sure to drink that water and take those painkillers. And try to stay out of the pool, okay?”.

You couldn’t help but laugh at Jared’s relentless teasing. “We’ll do our best”.

You went back to the couch while Jensen was ready to close the door, but Jared held it open.

Jared whispered, "Seriously, man, did nothing really happen?".

Jensen rolled his eyes, leaning in slightly. "I’ll tell you later", he said, a small smile crossing his lips before disappearing quickly.

Jared nodded, giving him a knowing look. "Alright, take care, and call me if you need anything".

Jensen closed the door, turning back to you with a sigh. “He’s relentless”.

You chuckled, shaking your head. “He’s just looking out for you in his own way”.

Jensen nodded, sitting down beside you on the couch. “Yeah, I know. But sometimes it feels like having a big kid around”.

You smiled, reaching for a bottle of water from the bag Jared brought. “Well, at least he brought supplies. Let’s try to recover from this hangover”.

After eating something and taking the painkillers, you both felt somewhat revived. You changed into the now dry clothes from the previous night, preparing to head back to Jared’s house. As you walked side by side down the quiet street, the morning’s conversation weighed on your mind.

You glanced at Jensen, hesitating for a moment before speaking. “Hey, about what I said this morning… about you being too old for me. I’m sorry if that came off harsh. I didn’t mean to sound ungrateful or dismissive”.

Jensen looked at you, his expression softening. “Don’t worry about it”, he said, trying to downplay his own discomfort. “You were just being honest. I get it”.

You sighed, feeling a pang of guilt. “It’s just… you’re really great, Jensen. And I didn’t want to make it seem like your age was some sort of dealbreaker. It’s just, well, complicated”.

He nodded, giving you a reassuring smile. “I know. It’s complicated for me too. Believe me, I didn’t expect to feel this way either”. He chuckled softly, shaking his head. “But we both know that life doesn’t always follow the rules we set for it”.

You returned his smile, feeling a bit lighter. “Yeah, that’s for sure. I guess I just wanted you to know that I don’t see you as just ‘some old guy’. You’re someone I genuinely enjoy being around”.

Jensen tried to smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I really appreciate that. But can I ask you something?”.

You nodded, curious and a bit apprehensive. “Sure, what is it?”.

“Why is a woman like you even single?”, he asked, his tone genuinely puzzled.

You sucked in a breath, the question hitting a sensitive spot. You hesitated, gathering your thoughts before answering. “I’m not technically single”, you admitted slowly. “But… I kinda am”.

Jensen looked at you, eyebrows raised in confusion. “What do you mean?”.

You sighed, feeling the weight of the confession. “My boyfriend and I have been on a sort of break since I moved away. Our relationship has been pretty bad for over a year now, and honestly… I don’t know how to feel anymore. I don’t love him anymore”.

Jensen’s expression softened with understanding. “That sounds really tough. I’m sorry you’re going through that”.

You shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant even though it hurt. “It is what it is. I guess sometimes things just don’t work out the way we hope”.

He nodded, his gaze thoughtful. “Yeah, I know that feeling all too well. But for what it’s worth, I think you deserve someone who makes you happy".

You smiled softly, touched by Jensen’s sincerity. “Thanks".

He nodded, his expression serious. “Have you talked to your boyfriend about how you feel?”.

You sighed, the question weighing heavily on your mind. “Of course I have. But he refuses to end the relationship. He keeps saying there will come better days, that things will get better. But I don’t know if I believe that anymore”.

Jensen looked at you, his eyes filled with empathy. “It’s hard to move on when someone’s holding on like that”.

You nodded, feeling the truth of his words. “Yeah, it is. I just wish he could see that it’s not fair to either of us to keep pretending”.

Jensen sighed, a hint of frustration in his eyes. “It’s not. Sometimes the hardest part is accepting that things need to change, even if it hurts”.

You glanced at him, seeing a flicker of pain in his expression. “You sound like you’re speaking from experience”.

He chuckled softly, though there was little humor in it. “Yeah, you could say that. It’s easier to give advice than to follow it, I suppose”.

You looked at him, your curiosity piqued. “Do you want to talk about it?”, you asked gently.

He waved off the question, shaking his head. “Better not. Let’s just say I’ve had my fair share of complicated relationships”.

You nodded, accepting his reluctance to delve into his own issues. “I understand. Just, please, don’t think too poorly of me. I’ve never kissed another guy while in a relationship before”.

Jensen’s expression softened, and he held up his hand, showing his wedding ring. “Believe me, I won’t judge you. Besides, you and your boyfriend are at least on a break”.

Your breath hitched at the sight of his ring. “Oh… shit…I-I didn’t see the ring”, you mumbled, feeling a wave of guilt wash over you. “I feel even worse now”.

Jensen lowered his hand. “Hey, don’t beat yourself up. My marriage is… complicated".

You nodded slowly, still feeling a pang of guilt. “I just don’t want to be that person, you know?”.

“I know”, Jensen said softly. “And you’re not. Sometimes life throws us into situations we never imagined. It doesn’t make us bad people; it just makes us human”.

Jensen mumbled, almost to himself, “And believe me, there’s nothing left to destroy”.

You sighed, feeling a mix of sympathy and curiosity. You wanted to know more about his marriage, about what had gone wrong, but since he didn’t want to talk about it, you didn’t push. Instead, you walked in silence for a few moments, the tension between you easing into a comfortable quiet.

Finally, you broke the silence. “I guess we’re both navigating through some pretty rough waters, huh?”.

Jensen nodded, his gaze distant. “Yeah, seems like it”.

———————————

A/N: Please let me know what you think.🥰

Part 5

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