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20dollarlolita · 9 months

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im trying to phrase this in a way that makes sense and isnt too long but its not working so: if i had a zelda print jsk but coorded it with all non zelda themed stuff, would it be cosplay lolita? (and also does this apply to the AP x Mario/Sailor Moon stuff?)

(the jsk is/will be made using ur tutorials btw!! you inspired me to keep sewing and designing through my Problems™️ - plus this means it'll have good lace and the right shape etc etc, im just curious if you as a person i appreciate from across the world have an opinion on fandom references vs cosplay)

So I did a post specifically on adapting Zelda looks into lolita fashion back in 2017.

And back in April when I was still able to stand, I did a coord with a Zelda print. I made the dress back in 2016 as part of a school project, but the coord involved a lot of new lolita fashion pieces that I've obtained since then. The bottom part of the skirt is the opening graphics from Wind Waker.

The really short answer is a JSK made with a printed fabric can be lolita and isn't a cosplay, but you need to make sure that the print is suitable for lolita fashion. I did a guide on that too.

But there's plenty of dresses with Sanrio characters that aren't Hello Kitty cosplays. An interesting brand to check out with regards to this is Secret Honey, who has a lot of disney tie-in dresses. You can see the difference between a themed dress and a cosplay dress.

Cosplay is cosplay. It's the art of dressing up as a character. In many cases, that's about creating or recreating specific garments worn in the source material. In cases where specific garments aren't being used, it's about looking like the character, and wearing clothing that is like what they could have worn. A good cosplay is going to go beyond just the garment and be a complete look, a head-to-toe costume.

Different from cosplay is things like Disneybounding, of which I guess the non-Disney version would be stealth cosplay. Disneybounding is dressing up in a way that resembles or reflects a character, without wearing a costume. This comes from Disney Parks policy that adults can't be wearing costumes in the park. A Disneybound look can distinctly resemble a character, but has to be constructed of modern(ish), mainstream(ish) garments. The whole look cannot be something that would look out of place at a Denny's at 2AM.

Themed lolita falls much more into Disneybounding than it does cosplay. The main difference is that a Disneybound look is composed of mainstream fashion pieces that resemble or remind you of a character. A themed lolita look is constructed out of pieces that can stand alone as lolita pieces, but that all fit a larger theme.

For an example on my coord up there, the skirt is a themed piece. The green linen was chosen specifically to look like Link's traditional green outfit, and the print is images from the game. My ocarina necklace is also a piece that I would not normally wear with a lolita look. However, the blouse is from Innocent World, a lolita brand. The overskirt was made by a lolita brand and was designed to be a lolita overskirt. The headbows aren't Zelda-themed and can be worn with other coordinates. The legwear was just going for color balance and doesn't actually add to the concept of the coord and objectively speaking, the bottom half of the coord is too punk-themed to really work with the top half of the coord. One of the really great things about wearing lolita fashion is that you can look at past looks, recognize that you like them, but also see things to improve on in the future. This is great because it allows you to experience wearing the same pieces repeatedly without wearing the same outfits repeatedly.

Regarding theme, a lot of brands have recurring themes and characters (Usakumya and Kuma Kumya are a good pair to start your research on). They make a lot of elements that are themed after these characters, but those pieces are themed lolita pieces, and not cosplay. (If anyone has ever done an actual Usakumya cosplay, please let me know ASAP. I need to see that).

Many people who wear lolita fashion are also cosplayers, and so the community has really tried to stop using "cosplay" as a negative term to describe poorly done lolita. You'll run into "cosplay lolita" still used in context of characters like Wednesday or Misa Amane, where the author or artist decided that they wear "gothic lolita" and didn't actually do a ton of research.

This means that people who wear their source material's "gothic lolita" look are really wearing a poorly-researched outfit made by someone who didn't really know what they're doing. People will also use the term "cosplay lolita" to describe a poorly-researched outfit made by someone who didn't really know what they were doing, as if "that's the sort of outfit you'd see as a cosplay of a character." However, it's a term that's falling out of favor and really isn't very nice to cosplayers who often spend a LOT of money and time on their cosplays.

#20dollarlolita #cosplay lolita #cosplay #gothic lolita #zelda

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darkhymns-fic · 1 month

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No Longer Just a Church Girl

Vaggie is busy going through a religious crisis and questioning her place. Meanwhile, Charlie the occult enthusiast whirlwinds into her life to offer her an alternate path: a rehabilitation club! That, or, she just really wants to ask her out.

Fandom: Hazbin Hotel Characters/Pairing: Charlie Morningstar/Vaggie Rating: T Word Count: 3515 Mirror: AO3 Notes: Written for the alternate universe prompt for Hellaverse Sapphics Week happening on twitter! Also, seemed fun to put Vaggie into my own disillusioned Catholic experiences.

A church feels really different when no one is around, she thought.

Vaggie could hear every creak and bend in the wood from the surrounding pews. She did all she could to not move as much in her seat, but only succeeded in hitting her sole against the footrest before her. The stained glass windows above seemed even larger than before, along with the empty spaces between each color, from pale white to deep-seated red. She craned her neck, catching each detail of the painted filigree mural just past the wooden beams.

Now by herself, with her face still aching, it all seemed just too much. Just being in here was exhausting.

She couldn’t remember the last time she actively enjoyed being in this place. But also, where else could she even go?

What a time to have a religious conflict.

Maybe what happened next was a strange blessing in disguise, one that tore Vaggie away from her swirling thoughts, who looked upon the symbols of the church and saw only shapes instead of what they represented. When she heard the large church doors open, their hinges squeaked loudly, echoing within the space like a discordant bell. Also, whoever opened those doors did it slowly, as if having trouble.

Or maybe they were trying to do a grand entrance.

Vaggie gave a deep sigh, her headache deepening. She knew one person who would do such a ridiculous thing.

“Hijo de… Adam. I already told you that I’m not going back—”

She rounded over her shoulder, but the annoying frat boy face she’d had to endure for too many years was not what she saw at first glance.

Instead, it was this girl with stunning blonde hair.

“Oof, this seems a little overkill,” came a mutter that sounded oddly adorable. Once past the door threshold, Vaggie got a better look. The girl’s outfit was a little peculiar, for Vaggie didn’t know many women who just wore suspenders like that, but coupled with a white dress shirt, it was oddly a little stylish. Like she was going to a dress-up party, or maybe even a meeting. It was kinda ruined by the pastel-colored messenger bag the girl carried, the one with the weird goat charms hanging off the strap.

Wait, she knew those goat charms. She’d seen them back at campus.

“Whoa…” The girl looked around the church, eyeing the stained glass, as well as the votive candles that were placed within the recesses of the walls, along with one depiction of the Pieta. “This is so exotic!”

Vaggie cleared her throat, which of course sounded too loud within the church air. “Charlie?”

“Ah!!” The girl turned quickly, like she’d been caught. Vaggie left her seat at the pew to stand in the aisle before her. She unconsciously reached to cover the bandage that was wrapped over her right eye, but her hair was already doing that for her anyway.

“It-It’s fine! Um, are you here for service? The next one starts this evening if you’re wondering.”

Not that she’d ever even seen Charlie in church before. Was she a new convert?

The girl blinked, and then, the biggest smile stretched across her face. The soft lighting from the rafters fell across her rosy cheeks. Her eyes seemed to gleam as well—with red. That was another odd thing about her, how she seemed to wear red contacts that definitely gave her a weird vibe. Also, was she wearing fake fangs? That was new. Or did she alter them…?

“Oh, Vaggie! I was hoping you’d be here! I lost you a bit when I followed you from the campus grounds, but then I remembered you wore a crucifix so I figured—”

“Wait,” Vaggie interrupted. “Were you stalking me?”

“Whaaat, pft, no! Noooo…” Charlie fixed a lock of hair behind her hair. “Maybe?”

“Eh.” Vaggie shrugged. “Been stalked by worse.” And hit those that did. Charlie was at least a pleasant surprise.

“A-Anyway! I’ve been trying to reach you but you always leave our classes so fast. And I wanted to extend this invitation personally!”

Charlie didn’t seem to have any sort of volume control on her voice. Church acoustics were for hearing the preacher go on about their sins, the choir singing the same songs she’d known since she was a child, as well as those who joined the hymns and turned to wish good will on their neighbor with a fake smile. It was not meant for someone who was happy-yelling and seemed absolutely genuine in that fact.

Maybe Vaggie was still feeling a little bitter about things. Sure, Charlie’s voice was kinda loud but at least it was keeping her awake. “So… is this like a party or…?”

��Even better!” And with that, Charlie reached into her way too cutesy messenger bag and pulled out a pamphlet made from cheap paper. Oh, she recognized that cheap paper too. So Charlie must have been at the campus after hours unlike most people.

Charlie was smiling so wide and with such watery and devilishly red eyes that Vaggie would have felt like a complete jerk if she didn’t accept it. Pamphlet in hand, (after a miss or two. She was still getting used to her new sense of perspective now with only one eye working), she peered down at the front where it looked like Charlie had discovered clip art and had gone mad in plastering it all over the place, nearly overtaking the actual text. There was also glitter sprinkled all over the page, much of it loose and already getting on Vaggie’s fingers.

A happy place for everyone!

Join the Happy Brigade at Morningstar College and turn that frown upside down!

A first-ever rehabilitation club of its kind!!

(Rehabilitate; verb, re•ha•bil•i•tate: to restore to good repute–)

She shook her head at the sudden definition drop, but one thing definitely stuck out here.

“...A rehabilitation club?” Vaggie read out loud, as if doing so would help it make more sense. It didn’t.

“Yes, that’s it!” Charlie said so quickly, ready to burst with excitement. She was stretching up on the toes of her shoes up and down. “I’m making a new club! The Happy Brigade!”

Vaggie’s answer was silence, still wondering if what she was experiencing was some fever dream. Charlie took that to mean criticism.

“Okay, the name needs a little bit of work, yes, but the message of the club is clear! We’re here to help rehabilitate other people into a better life and kick them from their bad habits! All after class time!”

“That sounds illegal.”

“Oh, don’t worry! My dad pulled a few strings so it’s all in the clear!”

Did she mean her dad, the head dean of their college? Yeah, that made sense. For an important faculty member, the man was rarely ever in the building. And when he was, he would just go visit Charlie in her classes, which got distracting enough for a few professors to kick him out during a lesson.

“And we already got a few club members too! There’s Anthony, and that man who calls himself Husk for some reason, and—”

“The dude who hangs out at the red light district?” Vaggie uttered in shock. “And the drunk who got caught sneaking in vodka bottles on college grounds?”

“Yeah! So you know them too?”

“I know of them.” When people had reputations like that, it was hard not to know…

“We also have Mrs. Niffty. She offered to help clean up the library room we’ll be using. I guess her husband has been away for a while so she has a lot of free time on her hands!”

Niffty’s marriage was one to question, especially if a husband of hers had disappeared suddenly.

“That funny Pentious guy is also joining! Though it’s sorta forced since he blew up one of the science rooms, but I’m sure this will definitely help his parole!”

That was the man from England who looked like he came out of some steampunk convention and who definitely had a few screws loose…

“Oh, and guess what? We even got Alastor! He says he’ll help us promote our club during the radio program he holds at school. Isn’t that great?”

Vaggie blinked. “You got the creepy guy.”

“He’s not that creepy. Just enthusiastic!”

Yeah, and the rumors of him having decapitated heads in his freezer was also just as widespread. How the fuck that guy was still allowed to stay enrolled, she’d never know. She was pretty sure even the dean hated his guts.

Hearing Charlie list out the members, Vaggie was once again reminded how the community college they all attended wasn’t exactly a prestigious place. Not only was the college rumored to be some sort of Satanic cult meeting place, (it had been first established in the 80’s and would have definitely fit the whole Satanic panic that had been prevalent then) they had all sorts of people in their classes, many of them from all walks of life, and in their later years of life as well. Charlie and Vaggie were more of the outliers, typical college age while everyone else jumped up and down from incredibly suspiciously young housewives to seventy year-old deadbeats that gambled away what’s left of their social security checks.

And Charlie was putting the most…colorful of them in one single room—to rehabilitate. This girl must have had a death wish.

Then again, clubs were such a rare thing at their college. And Vaggie always had to leave straight from classes to attend church services and the like.

Well, she used to at least.

She looked at the paper once more with its shoddy printing, the text already having faded from all the clip art Charlie wasted the ink on. “Look, I appreciate it, but…”

Then when she lifted her head, she noticed something that had been hidden by Charlie’s hair, now gleaming around her neck, hanging by a black cord.

“Are you…wearing a pentagram?” Vaggie stared at her blankly. “In here?”

Yeah, maybe those cult rumors had some truth to it.

The manic enthusiasm Charlie had been exuding seemed to vanish. She looked like she was sweating bullets, her pale face turning even paler.

“Um, hold on! It’s not a Satanic thing! I swear!” She hurriedly put away the pentagram-shaped necklace back underneath her shirt. “I just really like studying the occult! I don’t hate God or anything! Religion is cool!”

“Don’t say that,” Vaggie deadpanned. “You know it’s not cool.”

That caught Charlie off-guard, who seemed to be in conflict with agreeing with her and also protesting that no way, of course the thing that she was brought up into her entire life without her consent was cool! The girl was kind of a people pleaser, wasn’t she?

Vaggie sighed, then handed the pamphlet back to Charlie. “Listen, I know you’re inviting me because you think I also need something in me fixed.”

She not-so-subtly gestured to her bandage. It was wrapped a bit haphazardly, and a lot of gauze was used. To try and hide away such a grievous loss.

“But I don’t really feel like being someone's guinea pig for her new obsession. Sounds like you got plenty of others for that anyway. I’ve…got a lot on my plate.”

Even if there was something broken in her now. Aimless, even. But she didn’t want to give anyone that power over her again.

But while in her talk, she looked away, half in shame. And when she turned back to Charlie, she nearly jumped at the incredibly kicked puppy-dog expression on her face.

“Vaggie, that’s—!” Charlie sniffled, wiping away her tears with her fingers, which Vaggie just noted now were decked in black nail polish. “It…has to do with this place, doesn’t it? That’s so brave of you…”

“What? No, I just volunteer here part-time,” she answered. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth either. “Do you need a tissue?”

“Ah no, I’m good! I’m good!” Charlie took out what looked like a rainbow-patterned handkerchief and blew her nose on it. “Sorry, I just get moved very easily…”

“...Okay, but you get what I’m saying, right? I don’t want to join your club. So, unless you’re staying here for service or answering our ad for a new organist player, you don’t need to be here.”

Charlie wiped at her face once more, her low ponytail coming just slightly undone. “I mean, I did come here because I figured something has happened with you. Especially, um, with all the rumors about your ex-boyfriend—”

“He’s not my boyfriend. Or my ex!” Vaggie made a quick cutting gesture with her hands. “Ay, carajo. Just, ew. No. We only go to this church together with Lute.”

“...Oh!” Charlie blinked. “Ohhhh.” Then she shook her head. “Wait, I'm getting off-track! What I meant to say is, I just, um, wanted you to come personally! Because… I want to hang out with you more?”

Vaggie raised an eyebrow. “So you made a club to do that?”

“Yes! I mean, no? I mean, I thought, why not kill two birds with one stone! Except I don’t condone killing, of course. Not here in this house of God!” Charlie put her hands on her hips, lips pressed firm and blinking rapidly. “Is that the right term? I’m sorry if I’m blaspheming, I don’t mean to.”

She seemed to really think she would be struck down by lightning if she said the wrong things. Then why would she still bring in a pentagram? Vaggie thought.

Then she thought back to all those times they’d been in class together. (They attended Music Theory together under Professor Moxxie, who was definitely some has-been theater performer whose plays never got top billing). The way Charlie would always lend her a pen to take notes with, even though she never asked her? And also that time she wanted to team up with her on an assignment, or practice a song together even though the class wasn’t even about singing? Charlie was weird, and very energetic, and could almost be described as aggressively friendly, sometimes getting so close that she couldn’t help but catch the scent of lavender…

…And that was when Vaggie realized she might not exactly be as straight as an arrow, and had to work that out along with all her other religious crises that were rapidly piling up.

“I’m sorry, are you mad at me?”

“Huh?” Vaggie realized she had just been staring off into space, leaving Charlie hanging with that mixture of hope and dread in her eyes. What was she hoping for? And for that matter, what was she dreading?

“I—I’m not mad, just… why me?” Vaggie tried not to pick at her bandages again. Not like it mattered, she was going to be a cyclops forever. “You don’t really seem like the type to enjoy going to Mass.”

“I can too! If that’s what you’re into!” Charlie looked around the church, until her eyes just latched onto the altar where the hanging cross was placed which she took a few steps toward. “I am also okay with the whole thing about worshiping a method of torture. Oh shit, did I just blaspheme again?”

“Kinda, I guess?” Vaggie found herself smiling a little. This girl was so dense. “But God’s the forgiving type now so I’m sure He’ll let it slide.”

“Phew, okay! …Wait, what do you mean now?”

“It’s a long story. Seriously.” Vaggie flicked a glance to the double doors of the church that were now closed again. She heard no one else coming, but… “So is this club happening right now or what?”

Charlie seemed to have been stunned at the answer, but quickly recovered with another of her smiles that always shone so bright. (She must have had one heck of a dentist). “It’ll be starting really soon! I can’t wait for you to meet everyone, and we also got a bunch of snacks!” Then a pause. “Oh fuck. I mean! Sorry, for the cursing, but if you were busy with church stuff…”

A quick wave of her hand, and then Vaggie turned to face the altar. “It’ll be fine. Just…give me a moment then?”

“Oh, of course! Please, don’t let me get in your way.” Charlie remained standing in the aisle, hands clasped and blinking innocently.

“You kinda are in the way.”

“Ah!”

And after Charlie finally stepped away from the altar, Vaggie stepped up to it to clasp her hands. She took a deep breath, trying to fall back into routine. It still meant something to her, in the end.

Even if her place in the world had fallen apart, and even if those whom she barely called friends before had effectively left her behind. Lute had never even apologized for her injury either. All of it, just swept under the rug.

Maybe a new environment would be best. At the most, maybe she prayed for a better outcome.

“En el nombre del Padre, y del Hijo, y del Espíritu Santo. Amen.”

She closed her eyes as her hands made the sign of the cross, from the middle of her forehead to her heart. But even in the silence, she could just somehow hear Charlie’s stare.

She turned, and saw Charlie looking at her with wide eyes. “Uh…what?”

“Wow… Is that ancient Latin?!”

“...I’m just Hispanic.”

After leaving through the church doors, Charlie was already going on and on about the so-called ‘activities’ they’d be doing at the rehabilitation club.

“We’ll be doing a lot of bonding activities and some trust exercises! I was also thinking of pairing everyone up for a three-legged race at the campus’ track, but my dad said we’d need to get some consent forms signed. Then it should be smooth-sailing from there!”

“Sounds, um, experimental,” Vaggie offered. How this was supposed to cure anyone of their debilitating addictions, probably not even God Himself knew. Still, she smiled all the same. “My doctor said I can’t do any strenuous exercise for like the next three weeks so I might have to skip out on that.”

“Oh, no problem! We can do arts and crafts instead!”

Then, just as they got to the bottom steps, Charlie stopped, then turned to gently grasp at Vaggie’s hands.

The sudden skin-to-skin contact made Vaggie flush under her bandage. Hopefully she wouldn’t faint from the sudden blood rushing through. “Uh…”

“Sorry for being so forward, but thank you for giving me a chance. Also, um…” Charlie laughed nervously, then cleared her throat. But in the process, she sounded more like she was gagging instead. “I mean! Even after the club, would you like to grab something to eat? Maybe watch a movie or…?”

Vaggie had to be sure of this. “Are you asking me out on a date?”

Charlie giggled again, and the motion made the pentagram necklace slip out again, the sunlight gleaming on its fine points. “Well, I was hoping…”

There was a lot to process here.

Charlie was hitting on her—no, outright asking her out on a date. Outside of her church’s steps. Wearing a pentagram necklace. And she was doing all that with another girl?

Suffice to say, Vaggie was a little impressed.

“If I say yes, would that brighten up your day?”

Such an answer must have definitely sent Charlie into hyperdrive. Her red contacts were shining, almost demonic-like in her happiness. “Oh, fuck yeah!!” And then, Charlie did an adorable fist-pump in the air.

Which promptly upended her messenger back to dump out all of its contents onto the church’s steps.

It was a whole mess of what Vaggie’s elders would have called devil memorabilia. From books of demonology (several volumes in a series?) to candles and multicolored crystals, to even more pentagram symbols and other strange sigils—on pins and other necklaces. There was even a Ouija board here, one that was definitely well-used going by the scratches on its surface, and what looked to be a statue of Baphomet.

Even a few tarot cards had flown off, Charlie desperately grabbing at them while simultaneously trying to cover up all the objects of sin and paganism with her body. “D-Don’t look! I’m just… borrowing this from the library! For research! Historical research! I’m not a Satanist, I swear!”

Vaggie happened to catch one of the tarot cards, its surface depicting a tall, standing owl with a crown on its head. She looked at the lettering on it. “Ars Goetia?”

Charlie looked up at Vaggie from the ground, once again looking like a kicked puppy—a demonic kicked puppy with red eyes. “I’m sorry… I just really like the occult…I just think it’s neat…”

With that, Vaggie sighed, then fully turned around on the steps to face Charlie. She knelt down to help pick up the rest of the items, her hands not burning as she picked them up.

“Did I ever tell you that I think your goat charms are cute?”

#hazbin hotel #vaggie #charlie morningstar #chaggie #hellaverse sapphic week #fanfiction #one shot

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nevermindirah · 2 years

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🦋🎈📡 (and a kiss 😘)

Beijos para você! (I'm being so normal about not falling down a rabbit hole about tu vs você right now djksfjdasfjds)

🦋what are you most insecure about when you post a fic?

Are people gonna like it?? (Do people like me??)

Then once I wrangle my social anxiety brain worms back to their rehabilitation corner, I'm wondering about whether the things I was trying to communicate with the fic seem to be coming across to the people reading. Do my understandings of these characters ring true for other people? Did the things I thought were poignant or funny or hot actually feel that way to people who aren't me?

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

I've been told more than once that I have a very distinctive writing style for smut. At first I just blushed my face off whenever I heard that, because oh my GOD I am publishing pornographic writing on the internet!!?!?!? and people are READING it!!?!???!!!?!??? Now that I've had some time to get used to it, I take it as a badge of honor, even when anxiety pokes through that maybe not everybody means it strictly as a compliment. You know what it's a style and it's fun and we're embracing it!

More broadly, my style has definitely changed since BoN first ate my brain. There are some elements of my older fics that absolutely make me cringe now, like the rapid-fire pov shifts (sometimes in the same sentence!) and the explosion of French pet names. No shade on those old fics, I'm glad I wrote them, and I'm glad the people who still enjoy them are enjoying them! It's just that looking back on my older stuff confronts me with how much less practice with writing fiction I had two years ago than I do now.

One element of my fic style that hasn't changed and I doubt ever will is my tendency towards complex, multi-phrase sentences. My professional life has required too much writing about legislative details; at this point it can't be reined in completely, even when I try.

A thing about my style I'm hoping will evolve in the future is I want to learn more from writers like you who are writing so beautifully and effectively in English as a second language. Using my high school Spanish to write anything more complex or poetic than "Booker piensa que Nile es hermosa y tiene razón" (Booker thinks Nile's gorgeous and he's right) feels impossible to me. But English has a much larger vocabulary than Spanish for a bunch of historical reasons, and I have access to several (but importantly not all) registers of that vocabulary for a bunch of personal as well as structural class-and-race reasons, and the significance of word choice as an element of style probably operates differently in a language like Spanish with its relatively smaller vocab inventory so that means other stylistic choices I'm completely unaware of are probably doing super cool things to express the layers of meaning I've been taught to lean on word choice to accomplish in English — this is an enormous area of comparative linguistics but one small example of the ways we can shift our writing styles to more effectively express our ideas to people with different linguistic frames of reference. All that's even more interesting given the staggering diversity of language experience among our immortal blorbos. I don't know what particular stylistic changes might be in the future for me along these lines, it's just a thing I'm thinking about.

📡why is writing and sharing your writing important for fandom?

I love that you asked this because it gives me the excuse to say fandom is important! It's part of our lives! Hobbies we do for fun and stress relief aren't The Most Important Thing In the World but they're still part of our lives and part of the world and therefore what happens in fandom matters! Nile Freeman is a fantastically rich, complex, well-drawn main character and she deserves tons and tons of fandom content about her, and I'm a part of that and so are you! Fuck yeah!

I also really cherish my part in building Jewish Booker. The overwhelming majority of Jewish representation in mainstream US movies and tv comes through filters: Jews in the 19th and 20th centuries being pushed into the entertainment industry by several European countries' discriminatory policies and that tradition carrying over in the US despite legal equality, Euro-descended Jews being model minority-ized by the post-WW2 US that very much did /not/ involve itself in that war to stop the Holocaust but chose to frame itself that way after the fact, lots of individual Jews' family trauma and internalized shame and fear of the next wave of antisemitism around the corner, etc etc. The result is most US media that includes Jews is made either by Jews who feel enormous pressure to represent our entire people in a way that's perceived as palatable and nonthreatening to white culturally-Christian people or more often by non-Jews who've absorbed decades of iterating carbon copies of what previous generations thought was palatable. US Jews invented comic books and the superhero genre and yet the first MCU property to have an explicitly Jewish character was the 6th tv show in Phase 4.

There just isn't much mainstream content about Jews in my country, one of the two places where most of the world's Jews live, made by Jews who uncomplicatedly like being Jewish and don't have big economic and cultural pressures on them to represent all of us in Certain Ways. Wow, I didn't realize this rant was building up in me until I started typing. Anyway yeah I get to be honest about what Jewishness means to me and what I think it would mean for Booker and share it with people through fandom with just a little teeny tiny bit of a filter (my own internalized stuff) compared to the many layers of mess that mainstream content has to go through before it reaches non-Jews all over the world who consume US media and who may or may not know many Jews personally.

#fandom friends #jewish booker #linguistics #why am i like this

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gleefullypolin · 5 months

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Glad to be a breath of fresh air! I don't want to say that I cringe a lot in the tag with the takes but, you know, yeah.😩

I don't particularly enjoy the double standard on either side but it really does seem to always come down harder on the women, especially any woman who doesn't present as expected. Just look at our little Pen being called the villain when we know if it was someone else there'd be a lot less of that. I'm still seeing bad takes 4 years later from another fandom I was in where a man and woman both made the same mistake and strangely, only her bad choice is talked about. Never his.

I agree, this isn't even on my list of things to worry about, ha. I have heard two versions of the rumor, one where he's there with them and one where he's watching them. I'm not going to get into the sudden fandom activism taking place about two women being paid to entertain a man but I will say that the distinction (if either is true!) is what I'd be most interested. It doesn't matter either way in the end but if it's the latter with him just watching, that's an entirely different thing that would need to be unpacked. Either way he's using escapism but not participating and a later scene being unable to participate? That's a man going through it and probably deserves some grace when he's also about to make himself suffer needlessly further.

People have made up their minds what the scene is without context or confirmation and it's certainly up to them to do so but having so much fandom experience I can say I've never seen anyone's worst case spiral of doom scenario they proclaim as fact be true in the end.

This man looking all over the world to find what he needs right across the road is great. He's been trying to be a Very Grown Up Man since s1 and he hasn't found purpose yet. I can't wait to see him actually find it this time.

Oh I agree, the media is the worst with fandom. It's best to stay out of it if possible. The media doesn't seem to understand the passion that the fandom has in all and tries to utilize it in all of the wrong ways. They're out of touch with a lot of it and truly, adding in the way a lot of fans feel entitled to what they want, it's always going to end in a melt down. Given the generational divide as well, you're going to have a bunch of people who think something is the worst thing in the world and the people who think it's really not that big of a deal so what are they yelling about?

I'm not saying it's easier to wait for context but in a month I feel like most of them won't even remember the full scope of their freak outs.

I have to say I DO cringe a lot, I try and stay neutral. That’s what I tell myself. I have actually stayed away from Tumblr honestly, but then there were all these pretty pictures, and I couldn’t resist. And then my big mouth takes off and all these ideas get in my head, and I use my blog as my therapy sessions.

Usually, my therapy is just with myself because most people just ignore what I have to say until you so thankfully came along to join into my sessions, and I must say I have truly appreciated not having to talk to myself all day long!

To the issue at hand…double standards…My word. We do live in a world today where women are sure held to a different standard than men and interesting that as I had thought we were moving out of regency standards of women having much more say and agency of themselves, we seem to step backwards more and more each day.

But that is a much bigger hole of a topic, when it comes to fandom however, we do seem to hold our men to a larger standard when it comes to our ships. God help Luke after this season airs. I pray our ladies and gents are on their best behavior to remember that Nic and Luke play these characters with the best intent and love for who they are and what is written for them.

I don’t know what will come of the article, I know the Sun is iffy and I’ve seen a lot of people say, “Yes its true” But there is 1) saying its true and 2) seeing it on screen. Back when screeners would give us a play by play of Glee episodes, they would tell us how a scene would play out and we would all get angry over a single phrase or an explanation of a specific description of a scene. Our brains all would create the story of what the intent was behind this one sentence or descriptor. Then we would get to the episode and the actual script around what played out was nothing near what my brain had created in that 2 second nightmare.

I’m sure we get a set up scene showing us that Colin is knowledgeable around a bodega, he’s been to these in his travels, he’s experienced with women, these are something that interest him and he’s curious about. That’s the set up. Then comes Pen. There is a kiss. There is confusion. Not realization, but confusion. Pen meets Obi Wan Debling. They hit it off. Success. Colin has done what he set out to do. He has accomplished his goal of making up with his best friend for his careless words the season prior. His unnerved, he needs release for some reason. He returns to what has calmed him before…but now scene two returns us to the familiar that is a set up for the audience and Colin to see that now is different. He no longer has interest. His confusion lifts because all he sees is Pen and he no longer wants what is offered in front of him.

And maybe I am also guilty of making up my mind about a scene before it plays out, because I have no context or confirmation either, but I would certainly be ok with being wrong also. I would prefer to take that than spiral into something else. To accept that Colin who has never been needlessly cruel instead is just a whore who is using his friend Pen to hurt her further while getting his rocks off. Because that is not the same person who can’t even swallow because she told him his eyes are really pretty. It just doesn’t compute so I refuse to spiral any other way.

In 27 days, all we will care about is that these beautiful people are staring at each other on our screens and we will be freaking out for more wonderful reasons.

#my asks #wonderful people

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kannra21 · 3 years

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Heya! just for fun, whats the wildest/funniest headcanon that you have for dabi or any of your fave bhna characters? 😁

Heyy ❤️ I'm not rly good at this stuff so I decided to write some theories and hcs that I actually liked so here you go-

- Monoma and Toga are related in some way. They're not that similar so I assume that they're further relatives. However, this doesn't make Monoma a traitor. I also think that Toga should be adopted by Vlad King so he could help her with her Quirk and her obsession with blood.

- Hawks has bird traits and he shows them on accident. There are certain traits he's embarrassed of but there's also stuff that makes him feel better about himself. He's never been in a relationship bc of HPSC but he's a helpless romantic.

- Dabi drives a motorcycle. Everyone assumes that he listens to trash metal when rly he only listens to sad rock bc he's a sad man. He cries when ppl are soft with him, he rarely experiences kindness. He avoids lov bc he's afraid of getting attached; they're all meant to die at some point so he doesn't want to suffer more than what he already does.

- Kaminari is not book smart but damn if he isn't smart in other ways. He knows the labour standards act, he pulls brainy jokes, he reads books, he expresses himself nicely, he draws pretty and plays an instrument. And he's a people pleaser above everything else.

- Since Dark Shadow is technically it’s own being, we can assume that Monoma would go through various scenarios when copying Tokoyami's Quirk; 1) Dark Shadow is attracted to humble souls and therefore shall obey em. If he comes across Monoma he'd refuse him. 2) Dark Shadow accepts him but Monoma would turn emo. 3) Monoma manages to copy Dark Shadow but then they fight each other. 4) Monoma gives him apples and Dark Shadow accepts him. 5) Monoma manages to copy Dark Shadow but Dark Shadow doesn't know how to respond to him because he doesn't trust him. He knows Tokoyami since he was a kid. 6) Dark Shadow doesn't like Monoma because he can't afford him all the darkness he's so found of. 7) Monoma manages to copy Dark Shadow but then Dark Shadow goes wild and drags Monoma everywhere because he doesn't know how to control him. 8) Dark Shadow obeys Monoma but shows clear signs of discomfort. 9) Monoma can't copy Dark Shadow. 10) Dark Shadow defies Monoma's commands and gradually takes over his body like with Tokoyami in ch79. 11) Monoma copies Dark Shadow and Dark Shadow obeys him. 12) Dark Shadow controls Monoma and not the other way around. 13) Monoma falls into a shock because he copied something alive. 14) Dark Shadow consumes negative emotions from Monoma and becomes larger and stronger. 15) Can Dark Shadow drain emotions? Monoma could easily end up in a hospital or a mental institution.

- Monoma and Aoyama are good friends ever since Monoma complimented him in the light novels (BNHA Light Novel vol3, ch3).

- Bakugou has hearing problems but he's not deaf. He never let anyone enter his dorm room bc he has just as much AM merch as Deku and it's embarrassing.

- Ms. Joke is not as happy irl. She's just wearing a facade to make others happy even when she's not. + There's no way Aizawa isn't aware of it bc they share some history and we never got the exact details from Horikoshi.

- Geten would be so much cooler if he was a girl and the fandom would simp for him just like they did for Lady Nagant but no one is ready for that debate.

- Dad for one is true. He wants to possess Shigaraki and for Yoichi to possess Deku so he and his bro could continue their war with healthy and strong bodies.

- Hagakure loves body paint, especially the glowing one. Since outfits stand out on her the most, she was thinking ab pursuing her career in modeling.

- Natsuo's mouse girlfriend is secretly a badass. Look, I just want to see more girl characters in this series.

- Shigaraki would be the best boyfriend bc he never loved anything, so loving someone for the first time would make you a special person. He's v insecure ab his looks and doubts himself in whether he actually deserves you. He's the type of guy to turn from cold blooded to the most loving person. But if you ever cheat on him he won't hesitate to disintegrate you.

- Villain Deku and Toga would have Joker and Harley Quinn vibes but healthy.

- Dabi eats at Cracker Barrel. He's a common guest there and he always takes Giran's money so they wouldn't throw him out. The waitress can't believe how much bacon this mysterious man can eat.

- Hawks loves when you massage him at the base of his wings. He loves you so much for it.

- Miruko is a gamer and her and Shigaraki play together without having the slightest idea that it's actually them. One day they decided to meet each other bc they became good friends and when they stood there in Kiyashi Ward Shopping Mall it was rly awkward.

- Tokoyami and Aoyama get along rly well and Aoyama paints their nails in their dorm rooms.

- Dabi is jealous bc Re-Destro supports Geten all the time and it's the same mentality except Endeavor never supported Dabi. Geten likes to tease him ab it.

- Todoroki is no.1 Yaoyorozu simp. He's not aware that it became obvious.

- Aizawa realized his dream despite Midnight not being alive anymore. He got a cat tower for his hero agency that he always wished for (Vigilantes ch65). Sushi is alive but still very old. Midnight boys (Vigilantes ch6.5) are still visiting her grave despite having different lives now.

- Fuyumi hasn't dated anyone bc Endeavor would kill them. He has the audacity to play a strict parent (BNHA Light Novel vol2, ch4) when he never looked towards Fuyumi's and Natsuo's general direction for years. He actually doesn't have anything against Hawks but if he ever called him "dad" it would give him shivers.

- We all know that Shigaraki lives from Mountain Dew, Doritos and pure spite. However, he treats Toga nicely bc he wishes he had similar relationship with Hana.

- When it's rly hot outside Hawks fluffs up his wings so he could let go of some heat. Everyone wants to pet his fluffy wings and the heat returns. Poor guy.

- Dabi called Compress "dad" at some point and he's regretting it bc Compress is now unironically calling him "son".

- Shigaraki and Spinner used to play games on the same TV which afo used to contact them and whenever he wanted to talk, the screen turned black and the guys would complain.

- Compress misses the time when Kurogiri used to be around.

- Giran is a cool uncle that has a sweet niece and he loves her v much but bc he's a bad guy working with the bad guys, he's not visiting anymore but sends her nice gifts.

- Yaoyorozu family owns a weapon company bc this is the only explanation why she knows how to create a canon.

- Jirou and her dad play guitars and sing in their music studio whenever Jirou feels off. Her dad is a dork and he always makes her smile. Jirou has the best dad.

- Kaminari's mom is a hero (Heroes Rising movie).

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revenge-of-the-shit · 3 years

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Racism, antisemitism, and anti-Jedi sentiment in Star Wars (Part 3/4)

Part 3: Antisemitism and Anti-Asian racism

via @shadowaccio6181 :

There is also an article here regarding more current stereotyped perceptions of both Asians and Jewish people that I’ll quote larger sections from, because I think context is important:

This type of “faulty and inflexible generalization” that associates an individual with the perceived wrongs of an entire ethnic/racial group is almost the textbook definition of prejudice. Princeton University psychologist Susan Fiske and her collaborators published a series of articles examining stereotyping, prejudice and discrimination. They show people usually assess a group along two dimensions: warmth (are they sincere and sociable?) and competence (are they capable and intelligent?). For example, her work finds the elderly are stereotypically perceived as warm but incompetent; middle-class white Americans as warm and competent; Asians and Jews as cold but competent, and homeless people as cold and incompetent.

People who are not friendly are more dangerous to others than are people who are not competent, who are more dangerous to themselves. When majority-group members with high levels of bias encounter members of minority groups they perceive as cold, biased individuals can feel they must react by verbally harassing, bullying or attacking them. That’s especially true if that minority group is being touted or perceived as threatening — the way some leaders are painting Asian Americans as responsible for spreading the pandemic.

Using a nationally representative, random-sample telephone survey that interviewed 571 respondents in the United States in 2003, Fiske’s research found Asians, along with Jews, are consistently stereotyped as competent but cold. Biased individuals, confronted with people stereotyped as competent-cold, often feel envy and resentful admiration. Envied groups are often scapegoated during periods of widespread social instability, because biased majority-group members perceive those groups as having both the ability and intention to disrupt society.

We also shouldn’t ignore the stereotype of Asian parenting: “the notion that the Asian American parenting style is authoritarian—devoid of warmth, controlling, unfeeling, and undemocratic—versus Western parenting, which is viewed as the more positive authoritative style—firm, but warm, highlighted by intimate parent-child relations… our perceptions of parental warmth are culturally concocted and notes that what is often perceived as “strict parenting” in non-Western or non-Caucasian families is often misunderstood.” Obviously, not all parents are perfect, but this is very much a racist stereotype.

Commentary from Annessarose:

Exactly this.

It is indeed true that some Asian parents are undeniably strict to the point of toxic helicopter parent. I know this for a fact, because I have so many (Chinese) friends who experience it. It is also true that there are Asian parents who are not like this, and that there are many parents who are not toxic, who are supportive of their children.

Ultimately, it's important to note that for many parents, their actions come from good intentions even when it manifests itself in decidedly toxic ways. They are human. This does not excuse toxic parenting in any ways, but painting Asian parents with one brush and portraying all of them as harsh and unfeeling and authoritarian does a disservice to the many parents who are supportive, who listen, who try their best to help their kids. Ultimately, people are complex. Reducing them to stereotypes is dangerous and toxic.

To Jewish Star Wars fans: please please please feel free to add to this conversation! I don't feel qualified to speak on this but I would love to hear & amplify your voice on this.

We also shouldn’t ignore the common stereotypes of Asians in film (source):

I really feel I need to point this out, but as an Asian American, I’m actually thankful Obi-Wan is played by Ewan McGregor, because if he were played by an Asian actor, it would make so much of fandom’s characterizations of him Significantly More Yikes.

Ewan McGregor is known for being naked on-screen and having sexually suggestive scenes. However, there's a stereotype of "the Asian man as effeminate and asexual", or if sexualized, they're "categorized as exotic and different... foreign." This stereotyping "both feminizes Asian-American men and simultaneously constructs alternative gender and sexuality as aberrant." And "it seems as if Asian men are also victim to extremes: In some portrayals, they are cold-hearted villains and ruthless Kung Fu masters, while in other films, are portrayed as “losers” who have all the brains but no social skills or clueless immigrants fresh off the boat." "...men were portrayed more negatively than women; Asian men are perceived as less socially skilled or seen as the enemy." And Asians are often paraded about “as an example for people, showing them to be intelligent, overachieving" but "Asians were more likely to also be perceived as antisocial, awkward, and lacking proper communication skills."

Annessarose's commentary:

Oh, boy. Do I have thoughts on this.

I grew up in a an Asian diaspora. And. Despite living in a primarily Chinese area of that community, these stereotypes still wormed their way into us. At school, many (Chinese) girls would talk about how none of the (Chinese) men were attractive, and how they were dreaming about the white boys they saw on television instead. As we grew older, I had several in-depth discussions with several of my close female friends, and we'd end up talking about how the reason we thought the white guys were more attractive was because the media we watched told us that that was what the beauty standard was.

On top of that, we also had that stereotype of Asians being intelligent overachievers internalized as well. Do you know how many people would cry over an 85%? Do you know how many people would complain about a 92%? Many people ended up placing their self-worth into their academic marks, and it was disastrous. Mental health was all over the place. Bullying based on marks abounded. Granted, this stereotype was not the only reason this happened; it's true that there are indeed parents who take nothing less than 100%, and let me tell you, it really fucked some of my classmates up. It was horrendous. But many parents were not like that, but the constant peer pressure + societal pressure to be perfect in academics and extra-curriculars and everything just so we could feel like what society told us Asians were like was tremendous even in an Asian diaspora.

I remember being assigned to a group of white classmates in elementary school. I remember them saying, "Oh, cool, you're in here!" and I was like "Why me?" They told me "You're Asian, you're smart, so we're gonna do well in this project." Similar stories abounded with my East Asian friends all across elementary school, and shaped how we felt when we entered our high school.

Even in diaspora, western stereotypes & racism can be destructive and toxic.

This is Part 3!

[Part 1] | [Part 2] | [Part 4]

#star wars #racism #antisemitism #anti asian racism #fandom racism #long post

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lilydalexf · 3 years

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Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Audrey Roget

Audrey Roget has 10 fics at Gossamer, with some different ones at AO3, fanfiction.net, and her website. You might know her from her very good fics or as part of Musea, a collective that all wrote fic and posted X-Files fic recs. I’ve recced some of my favorites of her stories here before, including Three Times Dana Scully Didn’t Go to San Diego for Christmas and The Shirt. Big thanks to Audrey for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)? A little, yes. Not so much by folks who were around in those days. I sometimes go hunting for beloved stories from the early years, both those I read and loved, and those I never got around to. I am always delighted to hear that later generations of fans have stumbled across my stuff, especially since I haven’t posted anything new in a number of years. It’s fantastic that both years-long fans and new ones are out there continuing to rec fic from all eras, and to maintain archives for fans yet-to-be born. What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it? What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general? It may sound corny, but the main thing I think of, and the thing that has ultimately been most valuable and lasting, has been the friendships. The feeling of having found a tribe – not just of TXF fans, but of other people who could be as enthusiastically engaged as I was (if not more so) with fictional stories and characters – was mind-blowing. Since I was a kid, I had often mulled over the books/movies/TV I loved and speculated internally about what happened off the page or off-screen, or created new stories for characters in my head. But, except for an elementary school phase where I and my two BFFs regularly played Charlie’s Angels, I hadn’t engaged in that kind of gleeful immersion in a fictional world with others until TXF fandom. My involvement in fandom followed pretty quickly from getting hooked on the show, so for me, it’s all one big ball of experiences. Even as my interest in/involvement in fandom has waxed and waned over the years, I’ve been lucky to remain friends with wonderful people who I originally connected with as fellow fans.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)? What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

My initial entrée to the fandom was through fanfiction. I didn’t get interested in the show until mid-season 5. Around the same time, I read an article in a zine called Might (co-founded by Dave Eggers) about this thing called fanfiction that people would write and publish online. At first I thought it was satire or a joke – the fic cited involved Wilma Flintstone and a polished sabre tooth, as I recall – but then realized this was an actual thing. So I figured that a show then at the peak of pop culture must have fanfiction, and I went looking. Early on, I scrolled atxc on a daily basis and downloaded stories. But I didn’t engage in discussions about the show on Usenet, since I only knew how to access it with my Earthlink email client, and I didn’t want to post using my real name.

Later, I set up a pseud address with Yahoo and subscribed to a couple of email fanfic/discussion lists, and stayed subscribed to those for years. There was also a period in there somewhere – of maybe only a year or so, when I think about it – when I’d often nerd out into the wee hours with other fans via IM chat groups. That was around the time the small writers’ collective Musea was founded, and we were active for several years after the show’s initial run. In the early aughts, I followed many authors to LiveJournal and eventually set up my own account and stayed involved in fandom that way, until it mostly dispersed as well. What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show? In a word: Chemistry. I had casually watched a couple of episodes during the first four seasons, but I’m not a huge sci-fi/horror fan at heart, and the story lines didn’t immediately grab me. But I happened to tune into The Red and the Black in 1998, and BOOM. For the first time, the intense layers of emotion and attraction between Mulder and Scully really struck me – and then of course, upon further viewing, I realized it was unmissable, an essential element in the fabric of the show. As a wise woman once said, a switch had been flicked. Mulder and Scully’s magnetism was like nothing I’d ever seen, and though I eventually came to appreciate the storytelling, humor, production values, and other components that made the series so successful, watching those characters interact has always been what kept me coming back. Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files? I was part of a list-serv discussion group for The West Wing for a while, which was a fun melding of character and plot analysis with political discussion. Later, I got into the House, MD fandom, again mostly as a fanfic reader/writer. I was finding that other fandoms, unlike TXF, were more dispersed, the networks of people structured more loosely, if at all. There were fanfic and discussion communities on LiveJournal, and fanfiction.net was the other main hub for posting and reading, but if there was anything centralized like Gossamer, Ephemeral, or the Haven, I never found it. Within all those fan communities, as in TXF, there were partisans for various characters and pairings, and flame wars erupted over plot developments that outraged this faction or that. One main difference was that those other shows had larger, ensemble casts and more varied subplots. So on one hand, there was more opportunity to explore back stories and multiple perspectives. In House MD in particular, there were several entrenched rival shipper camps, which were about equally grounded in canon, rather than TXF’s central ship. I was less into TWW fic, but my impression was that readers were less militant about their pairing preferences than TXF or House fans. Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

I was deeply fascinated by Greg House for several years. (And the love-hate chemistry between him and Lisa Cuddy was a strong draw for me.) House MD came early in a wave of TV shows centered on anti-heroes, and Hugh Laurie brought amazing complexity and thoughtfulness to the character.

Philip and Elizabeth Jennings (The Americans) are a lethal pair of antiheroes. The inherent moral conflict of a sympathetic narrative from their POVs, and the global political conflict they embody was TV catnip for me. The internal struggles at the hearts of those characters were so exquisitely written and performed, they completely fascinate me.

The West Wing felt so much like a show created specifically for me. I’m especially fond of story arcs and scenes that centered on CJ Cregg, Charlie Young, and Josh Lyman. Though I loved Martin Sheen’s human portrayal of Jed Bartlet, the fact that he was the President always made him a little untouchable in my mind. But CJ, Charlie, and Josh were basically hard-working functionaries who were ambitious and idealistic and funny and flawed, and they spoke to me. What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom? Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully? Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I do continue to think about Mulder and Scully and watch episodes somewhat often. I’ll sometimes run a favorite episode as background when I want something comforting on. I read TXF fic pretty regularly, which can inspire me to go back and watch a particular episode or story arc I haven’t thought about in years. Just recently, I started listening to The X-Files Diaries podcast (@XFDPodcast, @admiralty-xfd), and that’s a fun dive into the characters, and how other fans react to and interpret episodes.

Every once in a while, a TV show or movie – and more particularly, the characters – will grab my attention and make me curious about how fanfic writers have interpreted the original material. Random example, I saw Singin’ in the Rain for the first time in a theatre a couple of years ago, and the chemistry of the three leads sent me to AO3 as soon as I got home. I also loved the first season of Mercy Street and found some well-done stories in that fandom. I usually peruse the Yuletide gifts every year and have been amazed by the sheer variety, creativity and cheekiness of the output. There are a bunch of other shows I’ve followed faithfully, and sought out fanfic – Broadchurch, The Killing, Agents of SHIELD, Elementary, The Good Wife. Although I’ve found some well-written stuff in those fandoms, I’ve rarely gotten the same charge from them as reading TXF fic. Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

syntax6 (@syntax6) – Universal Invariants/Laws of Motion. I’d also shout out to syn’s Hunter fics, too – well worth reading even for those who have never seen or particularly loved the show itself.

JET – I re-read Small Lives Awake every year around Thanksgiving time. Other annual holiday re-reads: Revely’s The Dreaming Sea and Jordan’s Through the Fire (both set at Halloween).

Amal Nahurriyeh’s Casey universe – the rare post-col fic that felt hopeful, made extra intriguing by a kick-ass original character. [Lilydale note: the series starts with Machines of Freedom and has lots of additional fics and snippets.]

Prufrock’s Love – Finding Rokovoko was genuinely terrifying and tender.

melforbes (@melforbes) – Seaglass Blue is a recent favorite, lyrical and bittersweet.

These are just a few (apologies to those that didn’t come to mind immediately). Fortunately for readers, there’s an astonishing number of authors who have written in TXF fandom whom you can depend on for a good yarn, insightful character study, and/or ingenious “fixes” where 1013 went awry.

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Probably the two set in my own (former) backyard of Southern California: Enivrez-vous and Ravenous. I’d first read the Baudelaire poem that was the source of the former’s title back in university days, so I was tickled to be able to use a few lines as an epigraph. Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online? It’s not out of the realm possibility. I’d meant for “Three Times Dana Scully Didn’t Go to San Diego for Christmas” to be followed up with “And One Time She Did.” In fact, the idea for that never-finished story was what inspired “Three Times” in the first place. I have a couple of scenes sketched out and – unusually for me – even know exactly how to end it. Every year, November rolls around, and I think I should finish and post it…maybe in 2021?

Where do you get ideas for stories? Sometimes it’s from my environment. “Enivrez-vous” and “Ravenous” describe places that I’m fond of, that made me want to place Mulder and Scully there. “What Not to Wear” has that element too – I set it in Memphis as a tribute to a great trip there with a sister Musean. But WNTW was also inspired by a kink challenge in a years-ago LiveJournal thread, so sometimes ideas come from fandom discussions or even other fanfics. In the House MD fandom, a fic by another writer made me want to continue the story, and the author kindly allowed an authorized sequel. What's the story behind your pen name? I wanted my pseudonym to sound like it could be a real person’s name – or at least, maybe like a romance writer’s pen name – rather than an online handle. I also wanted to use a slightly obscure fictional character, to amuse anyone in the know. I had long had a bit of an obsession with Whit Stillman’s 1990s film trilogy, which started with Metropolitan; the 3rd installment, Last Days of Disco, came out the same year I started down the TXF rabbit hole: 1998. The central heroine of Metropolitan – who is mentioned in or makes a cameo in the other two – is Audrey Rouget, a lover of Austen and, eventually, a book editor. I altered the spelling of the last name as a nod to every writer’s companion, Roget’s Thesaurus. Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions? I have a few close friends – from outside TXF fandom – who know that I’ve written fanfic. I don’t know if they know my pseud; if they do, or if they’ve ready any of the fic, they haven’t said so to me. They are fannish sorts themselves, but not really TXF fans. A smattering of other friends and family members know or could intuit that I’ve been a fangrl on some level for years. My boss, whom I’ve known for about 3 years, recently mentioned off-handedly that she was really obsessed with TXF “back in the day,” and I am DYING to know if she got involved in fandom, but don’t think I’ll ever work up the courage to ask.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now? Most of the X-Files stuff continues to be generously and steadfastly archived by Forte at The Basement Office. The House MD stories and some TXF things are at fanfiction.net; same for AO3. If ever post anything new, it will probably go to TBO and AO3. I really ought to get it all together in one place, one of these days…

(Posted by Lilydale on April 6, 2021)

#old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #xf fanfic author interviews #audrey roget

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tazwren · 3 years

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My two cents on the devolution of fandom spaces...

As a former mod of a fandom space and a woman of colour, I do not feel safe.

Seeing what has been done to so many in this fandom, by a particular group of white American women, in the name of moral policing is both abhorrent and demoralising. As it also is to repeatedly see the same narrative being shoved at everyone as the gospel truth.

A narrative that very conveniently either becomes about fic or has nothing to do with fic, depending on how people want to swing things. A narrative that will accuse a person of Jewish heritage of anti-Semitism, a person of colour of racism, a practising Muslim of being an Islamaphobe. A narrative that will define for you and me and all of us comprising this myriad of multitudes in the world what generational or personal trauma includes and what induces the same.

Those of you who know me, know what I’ve been dealing with the past few days & why I haven’t spoken up before now. Before I logged out a couple days ago, I saw what looked like more of the usual nonsense by the same group of people I’ve kept my distance from once their true colours were revealed. What I didn’t expect is that they would think themselves so above the norms of human decency and accountability that they would go after not one but two women of colour this time around in their rabidity. And many others who spoke up, as it turns out.

It hurts to see what these women, that I know of, have had to endure and to see the passivity of the community, save for a few voices, in sitting back and letting the circus rampage through town. It hurt when I was at the receiving end of it and it hurts now.

Why? Because it shows me a microcosm of the world that I don’t really relate to, that makes no sense to me with the values I was brought up with, and which reduces basic human decency to a commodity to be trampled upon and for you to be seen as weak for having. Because people who willingly laud you for your art / writing / wit, meet you with effusive claims of love and affection and friendship, who have no qualms in taking your help when it suits them, will throw you under the bus and let the wolves ravage you when it doesn't.

Before I get into that, let me talk a little bit about what has transpired over the past few days to a week, and what has been systemically taking place over perhaps the past year in this fandom.

One thing is that everyone who makes a statement about anything suddenly has people in their mentions demanding they show what gives them the right to hold that particular opinion. A critical thing people forget about fandom is that it is a place where people hide their identity for a variety of reasons, all valid, and this approach to fiction and conversations where everyone has to reveal every part of their past and identity as a means of establishing their "credentials" in order to present their views comes in direct contradiction with how fandoms operate. It violates people's rights to privacy.

The other is that there has been an increase in the voices that purportedly stand up to “speak for” the marginalised, the abused, those discriminated against and those who belong to minorities who “need to be protected / kept safe”. An admirable sentiment, to be sure. If it weren’t for the fact that none of these groups of people needed saving, speaking for or the protection of this particular group of voices.

Voices who only want to define and use these people as "model victims" to hurt other white women and establish their supremacy over both them and other POC. Voices that will present their "truth" as they see fit and sans context or present you with screenshots of snippets of conversations held in supposedly secure spaces that they have no qualms in violating in the interest of the "greater good" and claim offense / silencing if the misdemeanour is pointed out or action is taken against them, Voices that will conveniently categorize you as a "token POC" or "white adjacent" when you do not support or align with their narrative. Voices that belong to a predominantly white American group of women, whose real agenda, as is evidenced by their modus operandi, has nothing to do with real altruism or a drive for justice or indeed to right wrongs.

No, their agenda is purely power.

To hold sway over groups of followers, to shepherd them as though they are sheep who cannot think for themselves, and to set themselves up as white saviours who call out those who step out of line, or are deemed to be problematic and toxic and unsafe. To be the owners of the only "safe spaces" in fandom and to drive other groups and spaces to be boycotted or worse.

Now, I've long wondered, who indeed are these women to decide that for anyone? In a world comprising multiple cultures, religions, groups, subgroups, genders and which contains multitudes, who are these women and what gives them the right to foist their puritanical standards on everyone, very conveniently disguised as concern for the moral well being of everyone and the consumption, of all things, of fiction?

Certainly, there are many things in this world that people regard with justifiably equal dislike / horror / sadness. At the same time, there is much that is not shared, that is particular to a culture and to a person’s background. There is a multitude of perspectives that make the whole. And the white women of the United States of America have not cornered the market on what those are, or indeed even own any curatorship or censorship of the same. They cannot, because each person’s culture and background and joy and trauma is their own, as are their ways of dealing with it all.

That being said, let’s talk about their pack behaviour and the devolution I’ve witnessed on social media as basic human decency is bartered for clout.

I’m all for standing up for someone who doesn’t have a voice or a platform, or maybe afraid of repercussions to voice dissent. I’m all for being there for our fellow human beings as they face struggles of often unconscionable and unfathomable proportions. I’m all for holding people accountable for their negative behaviours as they impact the larger community.

What I am unequivocally NOT for is treating such situations as an opportunity to preach, to virtue-signal, to shame and to put on blast the alleged wrong-doers. I say alleged because that’s what most accusations are on these platforms—allegations to do with things that disturb our sense of balance or make us wrinkle our noses or that we deem bad, and therefore make the accused deserving of the full force of the community’s misbehaviour and censure.

I ask you if you were found guilty of a crime in real life—you know, the one away from your phones and keyboards—would you not have an opportunity to retain a lawyer, to plead your case in a court of law, to acquit yourself? Or, if found guilty, would you not have the opportunity for correction and rehabilitation? Yes, you say? (If you say no, then that explains the spate of state-perpetuated injustices across the USA, but that is a different matter).

Why then are people treated so abhorrently in this court of public opinion? What gives you, me, any one of us the right to judge people so vilely and with a metaphorical gun to their heads? What gives anyone the right to say you better agree with everything I say, retract everything you said and grovel for it or we will eviscerate you in public, shame you, force you to change or delete the content that offends us and still ostracise you and in some cases even threaten you with bodily harm or death, or doxx you?

Why is there no grace in how people are approached or dealt with? Whatever happened to allowing people to learn from their mistakes, where applicable, or hearing them out and giving them a chance to explain their side of something we may not fully understand?

Why is there no accountability for such behaviour on the part of the accusers?

What makes the rest of you sit back and allow this to happen? What makes you think this is in any shape or form okay to watch? Today, it is a virtual stranger at the receiving end, one you can distance yourself from quite conveniently saying Oh, she just mods a group I am in, or I only read their fics a couple times or I only followed them for their art or jokes or whatever flavour of excuse you choose. Tomorrow, it will be one of your own - or it may very well be you. And you'd better hope there's someone left to speak up for you.

The irony is you will have allowed it to happen by letting the wolf in the fold. By letting these white women manipulate you, and the community you claim to be a part of, so unapologetically, so maliciously and so unashamedly that before you can do anything about it the cancer has taken hold.

If this was happening in the world outside of social media, they would have to follow due process, to present real evidence based on facts (not based on emotions, rumours or perceptions) and would have to allow the person they are accusing to present a counter-argument, to defend themselves or be defended. Failure to do so is a miscarriage of justice and, depending on whether this is a professional or legal proceeding, they would either seriously risk their jobs or have the case thrown out of court. If not face action themselves for attempting to derail the process of justice.

Why then are they permitted to range so freely through the landscape of fandom, snarling and biting at who they please, or who displeases them?

I have no shame in saying I was at the receiving end of their behaviour for defending a friend they put on blast and I will tell you right here and now, I am a woman of colour who feels unsafe and attacked by these so-called self-appointed white saviours of your social media experience, these so-called upholders of the common morality—whatever that means—who will fight for you the evils of problematic and toxic writers who dare to have an opinion not aligned with theirs and who do not bow to their clout. Not that they care, so long as they can ignore this fact since it doesn’t fit their narrative. So long as they can ignore what has just been done to so many people in the name of cleansing the fandom.

If any one of these women were truly interested in alleviating the troubles and pains of the discriminated, the marginalized, the trauma-affected, I invite them to please come roll their sleeves up and help in the multitudes of troubles that wrack this world, not just in the backyards of their minds. My country is amidst a struggle for the basics of human life in this horrific pandemic and, prior to that, for basic constitutional rights for religious minorities. Do not patronize me and lecture me on trauma and racism and discrimination. Do not marginalise me in your attempt to pontificate and set your pearl-clutching puritanical selves above the rest, or assuage your white guilt.

A largely American audience or fanbase in this fandom is purely a function of access and interest—other cultures have vast followings for things you couldn't begin to fathom—and it doesn't mean you are entitled in any shape or form to be spokespeople for the rest of the world. We have no interest in being colonized again by white oppressors.

If you disagree with what I have said, I congratulate you on being a part of their coterie and wish you much joy in being the sheep in their fold. Kindly unfollow or block me on the way off of this post.

#fandom #fandom culture #bullying #gaslighting #gatekeeping #minorities #people of colour #real talk #toxic people #problematic behaviour #problematic authors #problematic fiction #fanfic #reylo #reylo fanfic book club #reylo fic recs #trauma #safety #accountability

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marumafan · 4 years

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A Guide For Yuuram Fans

Hello fellow yuuram fan! Have you ever caught yourself thinking:

- Does Yuuri like Wolf? - No, but I mean like "Does he REALLY like Wolf?" - Am I getting invested just to find out it's clickbait? - Is Yuuri ever going to accept Wolf's feelings? - Does Yuuri like guys? - Will they get married or not?

You have questions? I have source material-backed answers!

The Basics

First, you need to understand that there's a variety of so-called canons. There's an anime canon, a manga canon, a drama cd canon, a musical canon, and then some other random things that you can't really call canon but exist: such as games, radio shows, tv stuff not written by the author, etc.

All of these canons and non-canon stuff are fine, and you can enjoy them as much as you want, but they're NOT the source material. Source material are only the novels and stories that have been written by Takabayashi-sensei (anything in written form and some dramas also written by her according to interviews).

Takabayashi-sensei is the author of the novels (the source material out of which everything else is derived), and her word is "god's word". By the way, she used this term to refer to herself in regards to the maruma series, I'm not fangirling, but using terminology she herself used.

Please understand that most of the material that isn't 'source material' has been altered in many ways to appeal to a 'larger audience' (manga and drama cds), or to make it palatable to the more homophobic society of the 2000s (in the case of the anime). When the anime began social media didn't exist. And when the anime ended (in 2009), social media was in its infancy. That's how long ago these media were adapted from source material.

The Fandom

The fandom has influenced the source material itself at times (such as Conrad fans throwing a hissy fit when he died in novel 5 to the point that Takabayashi-sensei had to resurrect him and change who the key was and many other plot points since then). Certain shippers still force sensei's hand to write fanservice here and there, and despite that, one thing has been clear from the beginning:

Takabayashi-sensei's 'main couple' is the one she got engaged back in novel 1: Yuuri and Wolf, the royal couple.

The Bias

Before we get into the thick of this, let's take a moment to understand bias. I'm sure that if you're reading this far into this you really like yuuram and don't have a problem with homosexuality, boys love, etc. (I use yuuram to mean the royal couple: Yuuri and Wolf, nothing to do with 'who's on top' or anything like that, just a name for the ship with these two characters).

Despite that, anyone reading this has been born and raised in a highly hetero-normative society where if a girl so much looks at a boy she must be into him, and vice-versa.

Who can forget the "He was a boy, She was a girl, Can I make it any more obvious" lyrics of the 2000s? Same applies to 'ships' all across the board.

If any, and I mean any 'boy-girl' relationship was 10% of what the yuuram relationship is, there wouldn't be a single doubt that those two are in love, dating, married, and living happily ever after.

But when it comes to Yuuri and Wolf it feels like pulling teeth to get people to accept that they’re in a relationship. I blame mostly the anime for including weird non-canon ideas into fans minds, as well as heteronormative societies.

Please don’t be this person:

Finally, please take a moment to read THIS as an introduction to my next section.

The Royal Couple

Begin by forgetting everything you consumed from other canons (TV, manga, fanfics) if you truly want to appreciate the Royal Couple in its source material form.

1) Romantic interest

The source material has made Yuuri very interested in Wolfram since the very beginning. Of course, at first, he was only interested in Wolfram's physical appearance. But the more he got to know Wolfram the more he cared about him and the less he cared about his physical appearance.

To get a full picture of how madly he falls for Wolf, you need to read the novels, but here are some excerpts to illustrate my point:

How it started:

Source: Novel 1-Chapter 1

"Even if our bodies are evenly matched, when I just glanced up, I've already been defeated. How can he be this beautiful! (どうよ、この美しさ！) At the same time, his head is emitting an aura. Although it's likely that it seemed that way because of his dazzling blond hair. His looks and voice are like an older Vienna chorus boy. His white skin seems transparent, and his irises are an emerald green that make me think of the bottom of a lake, and furthermore he doesn't have a split chin. He's an angel, definitely an angry angel. However, because he's in this place, he's probably a beautiful demon."

-> Yuuri writes a fucking sonnet in his head about Wolf's beauty when they meet.

Source: Novel 1-Chapter 10

From the far side of the corridor, the blond with wavy hair comes running. The intense navy blue uniform suits him; the mazoku Prince Wolfram. I muttered in a sigh 'Although he's a man, he's this beautiful, Günter'.

-> Yuuri complains to Gunter that Wolf is too beautiful.

How it's going:

Source: Novel 17, Chapter 7

"Those words hurt me deeply inside my heart, a pain as though I was burnt in an instant. Because I had an experience like that, in which I nearly lost the most important person to me, just because he was wearing someone else’s clothes."

-> Yuuri calling Wolfram his most important person, code in the maruma series for person you're in love with.

Source: Do you want an exorcism? 2 (post novel 17)

"And because of that rich VARIETY in the configuration, mazoku is more an ethnicity than a race.

You have from kotsuhizoku, kotsuchizoku, and bone fish who are living creatures, even though they are just bones, to the seasonal migrating tribe of half-humanoid, half-fish maidmer princesses. As for the humanoid ones, there are regular looking ones like me or Conrad, but there are also some who are super beautiful like Günter or Wolfram............. as for the last one, this is just a little bit of my own personal bias, but it makes no difference if he's beautiful or not."

-> Yuuri saying that the beauty he went head over heals in novel 1 for, doesn't matter to him anymore because of his 'personal bias'

Source: Misepan 2: (post novel 17, arguably the last story written near the release of the novels)

"If I was in trouble, and I was missing something important. And you had one that was exactly the same ...."

"I'd lend it to you, of course"

I thought about this, literally with my hands on his chest. In fact, with my hand, that was pressed against his chest, I could feel that the speed of my partner's and my heartbeat was the same. Anyone would get blood rushing to their brains when they're seriously thinking about something. When I could calm down a little, I let out a small sigh.

"Or rather, when it comes to things that I can give you, I would give you anything, Wolf."

-> Yuuri tells Wolfram he would give him anything in the world.

2) Sexual interest:

-There are several times when the source material implies that Yuuri and Wolf don't just sleep at night.

Again, please remember that in the novels Greta does not sleep with Yuuri and Wolfram. This was a TV addition to appease homophobic minds. In fact, in the novels, Yuuri forbade Greta from sleeping with them because she's 'too old'. Also source material Greta is rarely in Shin Makoku as she's studying abroad half the time.

Source: Novel 2- Chapter10

"If I leave it up to you, it will never get settled."

"So, what kind of settlement do you want...?" My voice trails off as he sways his hips closer.

The former mazoku prince's face brightens and he pulls me down by the arm.

"Wah!"

"So you finally feel like settling things!?"

"I don't ~"

I'm scared to think about what sort of settlement this is. I'm not going to lose my life or anything, but I do feel like there's something else I'm going to lose. I desperately extract myself, fly into the bathroom and lock the door.

"Yuuri!"

"Wait wait wait! I gotta take a bath first, okay!? You don't wanna do it with a sweaty guy, right!?"

Do it...? I blanch at my own words.

-> Yuuri's subconscious is clearly working against him.XD It looks like Yuuri doesn't want to lose the v-card yet (he barely knows Wolf at this point), but he still says to Wolf he should take a bath before they do it. Gambare, Yu-chan

Source: Novel 4 - Chapter 1

-> Yuuri and Wolfram have been sleeping together for 3 months at the beginning of novel 4! Please! If this was a guy and girl you wouldn't be wondering what they're doing! He has a lock on the door! He can keep Wolf out , order him out, but he never does. Don’t be the gray haired lady!

Source: Never Ending Poison Lady 1

- "As a measure against Wolfram, who somehow even on our trips sleeps in the same bed as I do, I made a wall with three pillows which also had cute egg shaped buttons. I tucked my shirt into my pants, so that my stomach wouldn't get cold. After all, in the mornings when I woke up, both my clothes and my sleeping posture were always preposterous."

-> Yuuri says he puts some pillows to avoid getting into the weird sleeping postures and getting his clothes messed up and shirt untucked, but he never thinks of 'not sleeping with Wolf'~

Source: Never Ending Poison Lady 1 (same book as last)

- "While watching Wolfram's cheeks get red in excitement, a surprised Josak swallowed the question" You even sleep together when you're out on a trip?".

-> Even Jozak (the spy who's supposed to know everything) seems surprised that they're "sleeping together all the time". They're clearly hiding it from people.

Source: Maru maru maruMA- (book with series info and interviews)

Takabayashi-sensei replied to a question about Yuuri and Wolfram and what would happen once they get married... and she said it clearly: They'll have sex.

("Please answer my maruma question", maru maru maruMA)

Source: SS: Murakenzu 2018-11-13 (Paper 1 accompanying cd72) "Yeah, my father was talking about it, and she's still being called 'Gokumi', huh? At any rate, even if he was smiling way too much, his footsteps started to sound louder and faster as he got farther away. In that moment we thought: Eh? Is it that bad? Maybe they saw something while we were sleeping, or rather, maybe they took peeping photographs and want to do something bad with them."

"Rather than while you were sleeping, before going to sleep?"

"You mean like, when I do practice baseball swings naked or something?"

"Yeah, naked practice."

"Or maybe like, a picture of Wolf's butt when he's wearing his sexy negligee or something?"

"Ah! If a picture of it peeking out is released it would be bad, huh?"

"Then, I suddenly realized that "secret" might just be a hook. In other words, those trick titles that often appear in sports newspapers."

"Yes, yes."

-> Yuuri talks about Wolfram's butt showing as a common place and about himself being completely naked doing 'baseball practice' in the room with Wolf, whatever that may mean.

3) Illustrations

The 4 wedding pictures. Yuuri and Wolfram have been illustrated as married four times by the series' illustrator:

1 | 2 | 3 | 4

And I like to add this fifth one (used in There's Valentine's Day in Shin Makoku!? DVD special), since in the black and white version, there's a comment by Takabayashi-sensei that says: "With this we've finally won against the anime team! ", meaning they beat them to the wedding.

4) Terminology

Yuuri and Wolf are referred to in tweets by Takabayashi-sensei, GEG-san and Temari-sensei as the Royal Couple (ロイカプ). The author, editor and illustrator all know already what they are and that's why they call them that.

More information:

Please, please read the source material. But if you won't, at least read some of the analyses I've made to find out more about yuuram. Yuuram is here, it’s canon, and their ship has sailed a long time ago, in novel 1. They were always meant to end up together and they have. (”The dream ending” was how the author wanted yuuram to end, happily married). This isn't clickbait, or fanwork. The author likes the Royal couple and will see that they end up together no matter what.

Additional information:

Yuuram in novel: 1 |2 |3 |4 |5 |6 |7 |8 |9 |10 |11 |12 |13 |14 |15 |16 |17

* Novel Analysis: Crossheart and Love Letter

* Novel Analysis: Misepan2

* Novel Analysis: Do you want an exorcism?

* Bias in KKM: English version of KKM

* Novel Analysis: Yuuri confessing to Wolf (w/quotes)

* Novel Analysis: Physical and mental development in mazoku

* Novel Analysis: Yuuri and Wolfram’s daily routine (with quotes)

* Novel facts: No mpreg in Shin Makoku (I get asked a lot)

#kyou kara maou #kkm #maruma #yuuram #guide

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why-this-kolaveri-machi · 3 years

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we are our family, even if we don’t want to be.

Titans 3.07

a bit over halfway through the season, and we still don’t have all of our main characters on the board! i love this show.

as always, typing this up as i watch. live reaction, baby! *shadowboxes*

SPOILERS AHEAD

1. i don’t think i’ve mentioned this before, but i kinda miss the old ‘dc universe’ intro. it was cool! the whole idea of it was wild and waaaaay over-ambitious, but also very very on-brand because of it.

2. this is... the third time we’ve seen dick sleeping this season? that’s a record! checking another thing off my s3 wishlist...

2.5. i guess i rag on titans all the time for its wafer-thin plotting and bad pacing, but i have to admit that this season has been a step-up from the last one in this regard. titans has very reactive rather than proactive protagonists, and a lot of the last season seemed to be: x happened, the team reacted badly, then y happened, they reacted badly, etc. this time around, it’s not a huge leap up by any means, but at least they’re doing something about it.

i do appreciate the focus on character arcs over everything else. and when i say everything else, i mean it: arcs that started two seasons ago with no big cathartic moments, intermittent payoff and multiple relapses. big bads have ranged from interdimensional demons to superpowered assassins to whatever in the world scarecrow is, but trigon’s big weapon against the titans was to... use their worst fears against them. slade’s was to... use their fears to break them up. crane’s is to... use red hood to use their fears to break them up. even the threat of gotham’s citizens being in danger doesn’t feel real: gotham is mythologised into an entity of its own, infecting our heroes like a parasite. like. this is not to say that most other superhero media aren’t big character arcs intertwined with the main plot, but titans doesn’t even make pretend that it’s anything but.

anyway. that’s my entry #2345 to ‘give a grand unifying theory for titans’. thanks. i’ll be back with more.

3. “anger is just fear in a little black dress.” god I HATE HIM

(what’s he doing with barbara’s likeness? oh... oh god. a terrible thought just occurred to me. what if they introduce hush at the very last minute for plastic surgery shenanigans? would you put it past this show?)

3.5. jason, nooooooooo

3.75. i mean, they’re making it very clear here that scarecrow is the one in control--the one who’s always been in control--and is manipulating jason and literally poisoning him, but i hope it doesn’t end up erasing nuance or jason’s autonomy. if jason’s to reckon with the issues that brought him here, then the lines of responsibility will need to be set somewhere.

(this applies to dick as well but more on that later, i guess.)

4. just--the phrase “40% loss of income” is so funny to me. like, gotham is full of these larger-than-life characters who are idiosyncratic beyond belief, colourful and dramatic and creating chaos just for the sake of chaos, and then there’s the regular criminals and their henchmen who just want to make a quick buck sitting down with pie charts and graphs, griping about the joker reducing their returns or debating high risk investments in, i don’t know, two-face’s next scheme.

“yyyyeeeeeaaah, my financial advisor is telling me that going all-in with a guy who literally makes decisions on the flip of a coin is probably not the greatest idea.”

4.5. god i hate smug!smarmy!scarecrow so much

4.85. as big plans to “control” gotham go, it’s pretty bog-standard. clearly scarecrow has some bigger plan in mind but it really feels like we’ve got no clear insight into him and he’s this generic creepy mystery-man who knows more than he lets on and springs a twist/cliffhanger every now and then. i liked the scenes with him and dick in 3.04 where it seemed like he was genuinely on the backfoot and things weren’t going as he predicted. for all of his faults, dick is at least familiar with scarecrow’s bullshit and knows not to give what he wants.

5. i mean... i see where dick is coming from with the “he’s not jason anymore; he’s red hood” because his immediate glaring concern is scarecrow’s drug and the damage it could potentially cause gotham? i do not doubt that it’s something batman drilled into him, too, but when you’re expected to take point on a situation where the lives of an entire city weigh down on your shoulders, it’s better to simplify things and prioritise. i’m not saying it’s great or healthy! gar is absolutely right to consider this facet of the situation. it’s just dick can’t.

6. hmmmmmmm. HMMMMMMMMMMM.

i don’t know that i’m super fond of this iteration of oracle???? it looks like a cross between cerebro from x-men and jarvis from iron man. it’s giving me second-hand embarrassment. somebody help me.

(at least they remembered dick’s middle name is actually “john”. i like to think bruce printed D in that contract because for a while he genuinely thought richard “dick” grayson was his full name. duck duck goose, dick dick grayson, i don’t know alfred, the kid was in a circus, maybe they thought it was funny. or maybe it was a test in anger control, who knows.)

6.5 “maybe you two would like some time alone?” even AI can’t help hitting on dick grayson in this universe.

“oh mr grayson, if i only had another eye to see you better...”

6.8. on one hand, it’s a bit disconcerting that the title of ‘oracle’ has gone from barbara herself to this gigantic machine; from my impression of the comics-verse, barbara had an extensive computing and surveillance system, true, but she was very clearly the brains behind the operation. on the other hand, i’m kind of glad that the ethical boundaries that this kind of surveillance violates is a sticking point for barbara. (tho let’s be real, the nsa would kill to have this in their arsenal).

6.9. also it’s now obvious that scarecrow’s big plan is to take control of oracle itself. it’s why he had lady vic take that picture of her eyes, or why he’s meddling around with it on his computer.

6.95. if only i could ‘command sleep’ anybody overstepping their boundaries re: personal information...

7. “you can just sit back and watch as the titans destroy themselves.” i mean... he’s not wrong

8. “dick’s parents were killed by a criminal mob; he won’t work with them.” it’s wonderful that you have this insight into dick, kory, i just wish we could’ve watched some of these conversations actually happen on-screen.

8.5. i’m glad that kom’s being treated with such nuance and understanding, though it’s obvious that she definitely has a Plan of her own. (and did i entirely imagine her ability to mimic other people flawlessly at the end of s2? or is that going to come into play at some point?) i think her story has the potential to be genuinely poignant, and in a universe where being Different, either because of mental health or physical differences or whatever else, leads a straight line to Evil, it’s important to acknowledge and then emphasise that the mere fact of your existence as a Different Person doesn’t predispose you to evil. maybe your act of destroying a system that has destroyed you and not scrambling to “fit in” is only evil as defined by that system.

8.8. “you’re trespassing, i should call the authorities, i feel unsafe.” now this is a villain lady who’s definitely aware of her privilege.

8.85. kom smirking knowingly at her sister is everything.

“oooh that’s the kory i remember”

9. conner and dick working together woo!

9.25. god i hate a villain who’s always just a step ahead, no matter what. so crane anticipated dick using oracle to track his personal communications and set him up? how did he know when exactly dick would get to do this? how long did he have that poor man tied up in that van?

(the “save me, grayson” is a nice touch, tho. send dick spiralling even further! because if there’s one thing dick will do, it’s take responsibility for every goddamn thing that goes wrong.)

9.5. ahem. i’m going to need a million gifs of conner yeeting dick across that yard, fandom, thankyouverymuch.

(i understand conner is invulnerable to explosions, but how do his clothes survive??)

9.8. oooh crane is already in oracle! i’m just sitting here laughing helplessly because they’re overpowering this goddamned guy so much. he can build a lab in arkham’s basement! he has access to lazarus puddles! he has minions working across gotham, including a fully functional chemical laboratory staffed by chemists who only answer to him! he has the crime families of gotham quailing in his very presence! he has assassins at his beck and call! he’s enough of a manipulative bastard to have red hood under his thumb! and now he has enough of a tech know-how to not only be aware of oracle, but know how to hack into it! i’m sick of exclamation marks! i’ll shut up now!

9.95. dick leaving behind that smouldering grave for a person he failed to save without taking a second to process how he feels about it and running towards his next plan to corner scarecrow: a microcosm of where his head’s at right now.

10. really hammering in the themes of this season, aren’t we.

10.25. the interesting thing is the titans repeatedly call themselves a family this season (none more so than dick) and while that found family has helped encapsulate and put away their traumatic experiences with their ‘original’ families, it’s meant that they’ve not really dealt with those issues. and dick and gar and jason come from ‘found families’ of their own: they are twice removed, traumatised two times over. they still cling to this identity however, and because of it they’re losing each other. a family isn’t static. it’s an ever-evolving dynamic and you have to put in work constantly to keep it healthy.

10.5. anyway, that’s entry #2346. i’m here aaaalll night.

11. lookit gar the detective! half-transforming and using his powers to deduce things! what a hero! i’ve said this for a long time, but gar is the bedrock of this team, and an unsung one at that.

11.25. i’m confused about him calling this room jason’s though. it seems to me that this is dick’s room that jason later used, and one that dick’s using now. so the unmade bed isn’t really jason’s fault; dick was woken by barbara that morning, and in his hurry, he left without making his bed.

(it still confounds me that bruce didn’t find jason another bedroom in that gigantic mansion of his. you really didn’t give this kid a chance, did you?)

12. oh well. so much for the oracle.

13. ... sorry, wait. you didn’t think i wasn’t going to address the bit with dick right now, did you?

12.5. i honestly don’t think it’s very complicated: dick’s been reeling from one traumatic thing to the next, and just when it seemed like at the beginning of the season, he felt happy and secure with his team and his place in the world, bruce ups and leaves gotham to him, specifically naming him a successor and calling him a ‘better batman’. he’s lost garth and jericho and donna and jason and now hank and dawn. he’s not even sure where rachel is or what she’s doing. after being told that batman was a psychopath for moulding him into a weapon, he’s also been told that his failure to be a ‘better batman’ lead to further disaster. of course he’s going to get batman-goggles. of course he’s going to be a prick.

12.8. i don’t know what to say. i feel his frustration acutely. i don’t think he should’ve said what he said to barbara (can people stop pushing her around this season????) but that pressure to step in where your parent fails? to clean up their messes and try to think like them? to fall into habits drilled into you when you developed them as coping mechanisms growing up? I FEEL THAT.

every step he’s taking he’s putting 110% of himself in it and scarecrow’s still playing mindgames with all of them: i absolutely feel his desperation to take control of that game and turn it on scarecrow, no matter what it takes.

and he did apologise almost immediately, and finally--finally--actually works with barbara.

12.9. again, not excusing him! but i get it. and i think that’s a sign of great character writing.

“did you know i just reminded emmram of all of her daddy issues? what the fuck????”

12.95. i love that dick&barbara, kory&kom, and gar are all approaching solving this mystery from different angles, each as valid as the other. also, conner is there as... emergency bomb defuser man?

13. it’s like all fancy rich people in fancy rich houses do is pour fancy rich alcohol into fancy rich glasses on pristine, untouched tabletops. i wonder what it’s like to live like that.

13.25. I KNEW IT! poor michael. it was nice knowing you.

13.5. man, kory is contending with a lot of issues that she’s successfully bottled up and compartmentalised until now. the cold reality that a child can seek out their parents as refuge and they can view the child as a piece to be moved in a greater game (never out of cruelty, though, never, and somehow that makes it worse), that truth of blackfire’s treatment on tamaran because she’s different, and her own culpability in what happened. she exchanged one family for another, after all, and left that family to die and her sister to suffer. like dick, like gar, kory’s being forced to reckon with what the titans are meant to be, the larger implications of creating their found family in their own space.

14. it’s probably because it’s one in the morning and i’ve had two glasses of wine but i did not follow that bit of exposition at all and victor freeze??? what?

anyway. look at them solving things! together! go team!

“you made a deal with the mob?” oh the sense of betrayal on his face! fuck off, dick, your issues aren’t kory’s.

15. conner is really sweet and a bit of an awestruck crush on kom is to be expected. especially after that power rangers-esque transformation (i say this as a former huge power rangers fangirl. i’ve seen every series until 2007 including the original japanese versions and written fanfic for all of them. so i love a cool costume transformation, is what i’m saying.)

also?

FUCK YEAH

16. i love the gotham crime families just chillin’ around eating ice cream. I LOVE THEM

16.5. that was a fun fight sequence, if marred slightly by that bit of awkward flirting between conner and kom. i wonder if she’s really planning to use him in a larger scheme to get kory back to tamaran, or maybe something else.

16.75. so i’m assuming that scarecrow has jason either so paralysed by fear that he can barely move, or jason’s withdrawing from the drug that he’s been sucking in every few minutes.

17. it’s nice to see them chill after a successful mission! and it can be awkward, but conner’s crush on kom and him striving to impress her is also, well, uh... cute.

17.5. i guess the dick/barbara scene was inevitable, especially given the... unresolved nature of their relationship in the flashbacks? and they’ve been through a rollercoaster together this episode, discovering and then destroying an incredible tool within a matter of hours, re-discovering just how well they work together as a team. dick’s swimming in the nostalgia. i don’t expect it to last as a long-term relationship, but i totally get why this is happening now. and hey, they’re cute!

i have a weeeirrrrd feeling that kory is going to leave to tamaran at the end of the season and that dick and kory will rekindle--or rather realise--their relationship just before that. it’s going to be devastating and beautiful and painful and i will be writing essays about it which would be me just wailing into the screen.

18. gar found molly!!!!!!! MOLLY’S BACK! \o/ gar is the BEST

19. that was a fun episode! i love this silly show, even if it does destroy me sometimes <3

#titans #titans spoilers #meta #dick grayson #barbara gordon #koriand'r #komand'r #garfield logan #jonathan crane #conner kent #a byronic cupcake #badass strawberry truffle #manic pixie pop tart

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

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I just read your crosshair post and I agree with everything you said BUT…

Let me put on my own tin foil hat for a sec and talk about….

The burn mark thats supposed to cover the chip removal scar. Doesn’t it seem to be in a slightly odd position? Every other clone has it straight above the angle of their jaw/before the ear. I get that the burn was “placed” on that side of his head by writers for suspense and so it wouldn’t be apparent that his chip is out(thus showing Hunter checking it). But is the message here “oh he has this burn that’s close enough”? Also the scene where he was getting blasted by that engine could have easily scarred his face or at least affect the area closer to his face. I expected it to be over the temple too. But no it’s only that spot. (Now I know people will say “it’s Disney cartoon” so the scarring is minimal due to that)

Then it just kinda surprised me to hear brad Rau go “oh yeah, chip is definitely out, have you seen the side of that guys’d head? Lol” Followed by Jen’s “the eagle-eyes fans would notice all along”. Because now I feel like a clown for thinking I WAS being eagle-eyed and NOTICED that it was in the wrong place to really hide the chip scar. And if I’m correct to assume she meant that it was after Bracca that makes crosshair’s line “a long time ago” even weirder since there is no way Bracca happened that long ago.

And what was the point in showing Hunter checking the burn mark? We don’t really see his reaction. We don’t ever see him commenting on it later. It seemed like a big deal to him given how shocked he looked and how insistent he was on knowing when exactly was it removed. (“Does it matter?” “YES!”). And then he suddenly doesn’t care and never brought it up again. Even when they got to a relatively safe location or back to their ship.

I don’t think it’s a good sign that we have to rely on an interview to be sure about such an important plot point. I would be disappointed if this matter won’t be addressed at least in some way next season.

We’re all just passing the tin hat back and forth at this point. This is fine and we're handling the hiatus beautifully lol

But YES to all of that. Every detail here has two (or more) possible readings attached to it, which makes it impossible to figure out what we’re meant to be prioritizing. So, to summarize:

Yeah, despite my own claim that the burn scar is “exactly” where the chip scar would be, there is a slight difference. Is that a significant difference then, or just down to the animators not mapping Crosshair's design down to the inch?

Is the burn mark (almost) precisely where the chip would be to show that there’s a chance it’s still there (you can’t see the surgery scar), or to show that enough damage happened there to make the chip’s removal inevitable?

Yet "enough damage happened there to make the chip's removal inevitable" is a pretty big assumption that the show never set up. So are we meant to view the untold number of clones who suffered other head injuries throughout TCW as evidence that the chip must still be there—after all, they weren’t de-chipped due to head trauma, burns, etc.—or are we supposed to ignore that because #Disney cartoon, not everything is gonna have such long-term consistency?

Is the placement of the burn deliberate and the lack of any other facial scaring suspicious, or (again) is that just because #Disney cartoon doesn’t want to disfigure his whole face?

Is the scene where Crosshair has his chip enhanced another clue—the chip appears to be a bit higher up than others’ in his scan—or just an animation inconsistency?

Was enhancing the chip important, or just used for the drama of that particular scene?

Does Hunter think that the burn is somehow evidence of the chip’s removal, or is he just taking Crosshair at his word?

Is Crosshair’s lack of clarification meant to read as him being evil—he doesn’t care what was the Empire and what was him—or another hint that something else is going on?

Finally, most fans agree that, if the chip is out, it had to have happened after Bracca so… yeah, how is that “a long time ago”? Is that line meant to imply that Crosshair has been misled (perhaps with the Empire lying to him, claiming his chip was removed before the season even began), or are we supposed to believe that a significant amount of time has truly passed (making TBB’s lack of a rescue even worse in my eyes…) Even other evidence we might point to is pretty useless. “Well, it could be a long time because there was enough time for him to heal from those burns.” But is that because time actually passed, or did the Empire us SW’s super science fiction magic to heal him up quick? Idk the canonical time it normally takes burns like that to heal with bacta and I doubt that's consistent across the lore either. But regardless, the SF aspect means that a healed face isn't good evidence for a lot of time passing, like it might be in another genre. For all we know, Crosshair was healed in a few days.

So yeah, what in the world are we meant to make of all this? It’s too ambiguous, too confusing, and each answer—chip or no chip—comes with apparent contradictions. None of that reflects the certainty seen in the interviews. In order to reward “eagle-eyed” viewers, you need to be on top of all those details, both in terms of the writing and the animation. Yet it doesn't appear like the writers were. With all of this combined with the confusion I mentioned in another post regarding side-character clones overcoming their chips with ease… I don’t think this is a good sign either. I love TBB and had a blast watching it, but this particular aspect feels like it could unravel into a tangled, contradictory mess very quickly. The sort of situation where many in the fandom will accept the plot and argue strongly that here, Crosshair's canonical chip situation is supported by X, Y, and Z. Whereas others will point out that yeah, that’s true, but it’s also not supported by A, B, and C. Even if we’re willing to ignore those moments of confusion and disjointedness, it’s a big letdown to feel like you’re following along with what the show’s hinting at… only for the show to turn around and go, “Lol nah. None of that was important.” Shows with twists and reveals—which TBB very much is at this point—are built on the fandom’s investment in the details. If you don’t treat those details carefully, the fandom will quickly begin to resent the expectation that you be invested in the mystery... but not so invested that you "read into things."

Intense flashbacks to the later seasons of Sherlock.

BUT right now for me the larger issue is that even if we don't care about these details, the rest of TBB absolutely should. The fact that Hunter doesn't question what's up with the burn, Tech isn't interested in trying a scan, Wrecker's experience under the chip has no impact on how he approaches this, Omega seems to accept that this is the "real" Crosshair, and Echo doesn't push to rescue him like they did for Gregor... all of that is at the emotional heart of the show and arguably more important than getting a perfect resolution to these chip questions. Obviously I'd prefer to get both, but if we can only have one, I'd prioritize tackling the group's reaction to these events, rather than trying to smooth over every potential inconsistency revolving around the chip. Ultimately, I'm more interested in the show explaining why four brothers and a sister didn't fight for Crosshair when, as far as they knew up until he said otherwise, he was a prisoner of the Empire just like everyone else they helped was.

#TBB #The Bad Batch #Star Wars #SW #mymetas #long post

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qqueenofhades · 4 years

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I really don’t want to start a discourse™, but I want you to know that I really appreciate how you write joe and Nicky in deo volente. So many of the fics I’ve read have placed yusef in the role of more sexually experienced and less devoted to god, while Nicky is depicted as an inexperienced and virginal priest/knight/monk and so forth and so on. Your narrative of joe out there rescuing people and being faithful, while Nicky looks back on his life of gambling and pleasures of the flesh ...(1/?)

Not to say that there’s anything wrong with either, obviously. I love guilty priest Nicky and repressed Nicky and p much every Nicky. But in the vast array of fics out there, it’s rare to see the opposite. Not that you’re working in a binary morally good/religious vs. not way. Your writing in the fic is really subtle and and your characterizations reveal a lot of depth. I just think it’s cool to see Nicky, average second son of a duke, drinking and gambling and feeling terribly guilty (2/?)

Guilty about the crusades and the fucking horror of crusade 1 without being excessively devout. Just an average dude. Not some paragon of virtue (btw, I’m on chapter 2 of the fic, so I don’t know how much your characterization changes moving forward. You have a lovely ability to combine your incredible knowledge of history, your beautiful writing, and these intimate details of the characters that make them fit— fit the canon and fit the history. (3/? Shit I’m sorry this had gotten way too long)

I enjoy the way you’ve really inserted us into the quotidian aspect of history. Aaaaaanyway— the discourse that I was afraid of: I think that a lot of fans of the movie that are generating fan content (tysfm to all of you beauties, btw 🙏🙏♥️) are westerners (which is a whole nother kettle of fish) and that carries a sort of ignorance about the Muslim world in the Middle Ages and this desire to simplify Europe as “Christian” “fighters for faith” etc. (4/? Fuuuuck. One(??) more)

And when we do that, we end up as characterizing the brown people as “not that”. The thing I love about this fandom is that people are definitely down on the crusades. I feel like all the fic I’ve read has been particularly negative about those wars, but the thing I love about your fic is that you don’t just say war is bad because people died and it was despicable and this pious white dude says so and this one brown person agrees. (5/6, I see the end in sight I swear it)

Instead you give us a larger cast of Muslims and Arabs and really flesh them out and give them opinions and different interpretations of faith, and I really appreciate that. The crusades were terrible, and we know this because these regular dudes who struggle with their different faiths and lives say so. And I just. I think that’s really great. Also, I fucking love yusef’s mom. I feel like more people would be accepting of the gift in this fashion and I think she’s lovely and (god damn it 6/7)

Aaaaaaaand. The bit where yusef returns and she’s already gone breaks my fucking heart. Also the moment where he’s like “I’m not sure about Abraham’s god, but my mothers god is worth my faith”?? Just really fucking great. So. Excellent fic. Excellent characters. Excellent not-being-accidentally-biased-towards-white-Christians. That is what I came here to say. Thank you so much for your amazing stories. I love them and I love history. Sorry about the rambling. idek how I wrote so much. (7/7)

Epilogue: tl;dr: you’re great.

Oh man! What a huge and thoughtful comment (which will in turn provoke a long-ass response from me, so…) I absolutely agree that no matter what fandom, I don’t do Discourse TM; I just sit in my bubble and stay in my lane and do my own thing and create content I enjoy. And I don’t even think this is that so much as just… general commentary on character and background? So obviously all of this should be read as my own personal experience and choices in writing DVLA, and that alone. I really appreciate you for saying that you love a wide range of fan creators/fanworks and you’re not placing one over another, you understand that fans have diverse ranges of backgrounds/experience with history and other cultures when they create content, and that’s not the same for everyone. So I just think that’s a great and respectful way to start things off.

First, as a professional historian who has written a literal PhD thesis on the crusades, I absolutely understand that many people (and regular fans) will not have the same privilege/education/perspective that I do, and that’s fine! They should not be expected to get multiple advanced degrees to enjoy a Netflix movie! But since I DO have that background, and since I’ve been working on the intellectual genealogy of the crusades (and the associated Christian/Muslim component, whether racially or religiously) since I was a master’s student, I have a lot of academic training and personal feelings that inform how I write these characters. Aside from my research on all this, my sister lives in an Islamic country and her boyfriend is a Muslim man; I’ve known a lot of Muslims and Middle Easterners; and especially with the current political climate of Islamophobia and the reckoning with racism whether in reality or fandom, I have been thinking about all this a lot, and my impact on such.

Basically: I love Nicky dearly, but I ADORE Joe, and as such, I’m protective of him and certainly very mindful of how I write him. Especially when the obvious default for westerners in general, fandom-related or otherwise, is to write what you are familiar with (i.e. the European Christian white character) and be either less comfortable or less confident or sometimes less thoughtful about his opposing number. I have at times tangentially stumbled across takes on Joe that turn me into the “eeeeeeeh” emoji or Dubious Chrissy Teigen, but I honestly couldn’t tell you anything else about them because I was like, “nope not for me” and went elsewhere rather than do Discourse (which is pretty much a waste of time everywhere and always makes people feel bad). This is why I’m always selective about my fan content, but especially so with this ship, because I have SO much field-specific knowledge that I just have to make what I like and which suits my personal tastes. So that is what I do.

Obviously, there’s a troublesome history with the trope of “sexually liberate brown person seduces virginal white character into a world of Fleshly Decadence,” whether from the medieval correlation of “sodomite” and “Saracen,” or the nineteenth-century Orientalist depictions of the East as a land variously childishly simplistic, societally backward, darkly mysterious and Exotic, or “decadent” (read: code for sexually unlike Western Europe, including the spectrum of queer acts). So when I was writing DVLA, I absolutely did not want to do that and it’s not to my taste, but I’m not going to whip out a red pen on someone else writing a story that broadly follows those parameters (because as I said, I stay in my lane and don’t see it anyway). Joe to me is just such an intensely complex and lovely Muslim character that that’s the only way I feel like I can honestly write him, and I absolutely love that about him. So yeah, any depiction of hypersexualizing him or making him only available for the sexual use and education of the white character(s) is just... mmm, not for me.

For example, I stressed over whether it was appropriate to move his origin from “somewhere in the Maghreb” to Cairo specifically, since Egypt, while it IS in North Africa, is not technically part of the Maghreb. I realize that Marwan Kenzari’s family is Tunisian and that’s probably why they chose it, to honor the actor’s heritage, but on the flip side… “al-Kaysani” is also a specifically Ismai’li Shia name (it’s the name of a branch of it) and the Fatimids (the ruling dynasty in Jerusalem at the time of the First Crusade) were well-known for being the only Ismai’li Shia caliphate. (This is why the Shi’ites still ancestrally dislike Saladin for overthrowing it in 1174, even if Saladin is a huge hero to the rest of the Islamic world.) Plus I really wanted to use medieval Cairo as Joe’s homeland, and it just made more sense for an Ismai’li Shia Fatimid from Cairo (i.e. the actual Muslim denomination and caliphate that controlled Jerusalem) to be defending the Holy City because it was personal for him, rather than a Sunni Zirid from Ifriqiya just kind of turning up there. Especially due to the intense fragmentation and disorganization in the Islamic world at the time of the First Crusade (which was a big part of the reason it succeeded) and since the Zirids were a breakaway group from the Fatimids and therefore not very likely to be militarily allied with them. As with my personal gripes about Nicky being a priest, I decided to make that change because I felt, as a historian, that it made more sense for the character. But I SUPER recognize it as my own choices and tweaks, and obviously I’m not about to complain at anyone for writing what’s in graphic novel/bonus content canon!

That ties, however, into the fact that Nicky has a clearly defined city/region of origin (Genoa, which has a distinct history, culture, and tradition of crusading) and Joe is just said to be from “the Maghreb” which…. is obviously huge. (I.e. anywhere in North Africa west of Egypt all the way to Morocco.) And this isn’t a fandom thing, but from the official creators/writers of the comics and the movie. And I’m over here like: okay, which country? Which city? Which denomination of Islam? You’ve given him a Shia name but then point him to an origin in Sunni Ifriqiya. If he’s from there, why has he gone thousands of miles to Jerusalem in the middle of a dangerous war to help his religious/political rivals defend their territory? Just because he’s nice? Because it was an accident? Why is his motivation or reason for being there any less defined or any less religious (inasmuch as DVLA Nicky’s motive for being on the First Crusade is religious at all, which is not very) than the white character’s? In a sense, the Christians are the ones who have to work a lot harder to justify their presence in the Middle East in the eleventh century at all: the First Crusade was a specifically military and offensive invasion launched at the direct behest of the leader of the Western Roman church (Pope Urban II.) So the idea that they’re “fighting for the faith” or defending it bravely is…

Eeeeh. (Insert Dubious Chrissy Teigen.)

But of course, nobody teaches medieval history to anyone in America (except for Bad Game of Thrones History Tee Em), and they sure as hell don’t teach about the crusades (except for the Religious Violence Bad highlight reel) so people don’t KNOW about these things, and I wish they DID know, and that’s why I’m over here trying to be an academic so I can help them LEARN it, and I get very passionate about it. So once again, I entirely don’t blame people who have acquired this distorted cultural impression of the crusades and don’t want to do a book’s worth of research to write a fic about a Netflix movie. I do hope that they take the initiative to learn more about it because they’re interested and want to know more, since by nature the pairing involves a lot of complex religious, racial, and cultural dynamics that need to be handled thoughtfully, even if you don’t know everything about it. So like, basically all I want is for the Muslim character(s) to be given the same level of respect, attention to detail, background story, family context, and religious diversity as any of the white characters, and Imma do it myself if I have to. Dammit.

(I’m really excited to hear your thoughts on the second half of the fic, especially chapter 3 and chapter 6, but definitely all of it, since I think the characters they’re established as in the early part of the fic do remain true to themselves and both grow and struggle and go through a realistic journey with their faith over their very long lives, and it’s one of my favorite themes about DVLA.)

Anyway, about Nicky. I also made the specific choice to have him be an average guy, the ordinary second son of a nobleman who doesn’t really know what he’s doing with his life and isn’t the mouthpiece of Moral Virtue in the story, since as he himself realizes pretty quick, the crusades and especially the sack/massacre of Jerusalem are actually horrific. I’ve written in various posts about my nitpicking gripes with him being a priest, so he’s not, and as I said, I’m definitely avoiding any scenario where he has to Learn About The World from Joe. That is because I want to make the point that the people on the crusades were people, and they went for a lot of different reasons, not all of which were intense personal religious belief. The crusades were an institution and operated institutionally. Even on the First Crusade, where there were a lot of ordinary people who went because of sincere religious belief, there was the usual bad behavior by soldiers and secular noblemen and people who just went because it was the thing to do. James Brundage has an article about prostitution and miscegenation and other sexual activity on the First Crusade; even at the height of this first and holy expedition, it was happening. So Nicky obviously isn’t going to be the moral exemplar because a) the crusades are horrific, he himself realizes that, and b) it’s just as historically accurate that he wouldn’t be anyway. Since the idea is that medieval crusaders were all just zealots and ergo Not Like Us is dangerous, I didn’t want to do that either. If we think they all went because they were all personally fervent Catholics and thus clearly we couldn’t do the same, then we miss a lot of our own behavior and our parallel (and troubling) decisions, and yeah.

As well, I made a deliberate choice to have Nicky’s kindness (which I LOVE about him, it’s one of my favorite things, god how refreshing to have that be one of the central tenets of a male warrior character) not to be something that was just… always there and he was Meek and Good because a priest or whatever else. Especially as I’ve gotten older and we’ve all been living through these ridiculous hellyears (2020 is the worst, but it’s all been general shit for a while), I’ve thought more and more about how kindness is an active CHOICE and it’s as transgressive as anything else you can do and a whole lot more brave than just cynicism and nihilism and despair. As you’ll see in the second half of the fic, Nicky (and Joe) have been through some truly devastating things and it might be understandable if they gave into despair, but they DON’T. They choose to continue to be good people and to try and to actively BE kind, rather than it being some passive default setting. They struggle with it and it’s raw and painful and they’re not always saints, but they always come down on the side of wanting to keep doing what they’re doing, and I… have feelings about that.

Anyway, this is already SUPER long, so I’ll call it quits for now. But thank you so much for this, because I love these characters and I love the story I created for them in DVLA, since all this is personal to me in a lot of ways, and I’m so glad you picked up on that.

#history #medieval history #queer history #dvla asks #long post #the old guard meta #anonymous #ask

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danideservedbetter · 3 years

Text

Alright so, here’s how things are gonna work.

First off, welcome to this side blog. Since it won’t be jolly fun fandom content and will be a little more personal I decided to separate my health and writing journey from my fandom stuff, although all my fandom content will still be linked on my main blog here.

(I write Izuocha/bnha content which isn’t super popular so if you’re not here for that then yeah, I don’t blame you. But if you are I have a link to our discord and community content pinned so def check it out if you’re interested.)

Secondly, you guys will hear details about stuff relating to my health like what kinds of things affect my disorder based on the tests some doctors are ordering, how I’m trying to improve my diet and activity, and routines and goals I’m attempting for myself. I am underweight, and that’s something I’m going to be talking a bit about, so if that’s triggering following this blog might not be the best thing for you. Details under the cut.

So, what kind of disorder do I have and why did I decide to make a health journey blog? My disorder is called idiopathic hypersomnia. Basically what that means is that when my disorder is acting up (based on factors like stress especially or my generalized anxiety rearing its ugly head) I have the capacity to sleep. And sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep. My longest recorded uninterrupted “sleep-attack” was 26 hours long and ever since I caught Covid in January, my body had been slowly growing weaker to the point I was starting to develop atrophy. I’ve had this ten years and my neurologist suspects inactive cells from mononucleosis I caught at 14 was the cause, because other IH patients have linked their sleeping problems to a case of mono or have had it at some point in their lives.

This disease stole many years and many things I’ve looked forward to from me. I lost friends and experiences and failed so many college classes I had to drop out.

I’ve decided I’m taking them back.

It’s not going to be easy. Just as it took ten years to convince myself that my tiredness was something I chose to give into, it took several extra years and many fights with my family to convince them that I had a real actual neurological disorder and that I need help sometimes. My parents and grandmother finally understand that I have to finish college and find a very special boss willing to work around my erratic progress on projects, but the outsiders they married are not as convinced. My grandmother’s husband kicked me out of their house because he wants to be the center of attention and doesn’t like that some days I’m so weak that I needed my grandmother’s help, and my father’s wife thinks I’m a lazy and ungrateful leech who “gets anxiety just being around” me. Both told my father I’ll never be happy so why even bother with me, but my dad is actually striving to understand his own recently-diagnosed PTSD so while we still butt heads he’s understanding that I have to take things day by day because every tiny circumstance affects my disorder.

Now, why did I decide to air all this out? Well, being open about my disorder and how it affects me has helped at least two people that I know of find out that the tiredness they experience isn’t the typical “American work force exhaustion” they were trained to believe is normal. So if I can help even one more, I’ll gladly talk about what this entails and how I deal with it day to day. Another reason is that I’m also one of those big advocates who believes talking candidly about mental health destigmatizes it and sharing ideas can help us grow as people and maybe make it a little easier to deal with.

So now that you know a little bit about me and my disorder, here are my big goals for the next three months provided my university takes pity on me and actually lets me go back.

First up: create routines to train my body to get used to living a full day fully awake. This includes waking up at the same time and going to sleep at the same time. It means getting dressed and going out and doing things, even little things— which I’ll get to in a sec.

Second: I write. I have a novel in limbo and I write fanfics. Writing is a big part of who I am and I’ve written one thing this year, which for a whole six-month stretch is upsetting and disappointing. Today is my reset. In the next 569 days I want to to finish the six stories I have in limbo (except the larger one) and finally reach my goal of posting 200k words in a single year. I wont be hard on myself if I can’t accomplish this because honestly finishing anything in the chaos of my life is going to be a miracle but. There ya go.

Third: go back to freakin college. I don’t care what it takes. Sit down with every official, every lawyer, and every professor it takes to get me back enrolled in classes in the fall.

Fourth: I have several smaller things I have to do, short term goals, stuff like that. I’m gonna create a to do list each day of small tasks I want to get done and while some of these things will be part of my daily routine I am throwing in like one or two things a day that just need to be done. My writing goal will change daily and I’ll keep y’all updated on that with every post I make.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Dani! That’s so much!! Well, a few months ago I remembered hey!! I basically have a computer in my hand, why make it hard on myself. So I downloaded certain apps to help me out. This isn’t me saying “hey go subscribe to these apps because I said so” it’s just that through a lot of trial and error I’ve come to find that these certain apps work for me and I’ve yet to come across one that has the functionality of everything I need.

Tiimo — so this is an app I found developed by people with autism for people with autism to help them develop good habits and routines. It has preset daily schedules (things like morning routines or nightly routines or work routines) and an internal alarm to let you know when to move on to the next task. I myself have extremely low-level aspergers (to the point where my doctor won’t give me an official diagnosis because I didn’t want people think that *it’s* the reason I have issues with school), so moving from task to task can be difficult sometimes and I also deal with getting distracted. This widget also appears on my home screen so I know what I have to do at a glance. You can program in weekly and daily tasks to fully customize your schedule, which is fantastic for someone like me who wants to for example rotate chores. This is hopefully going to help me get my body in the habit of adjusting to routines and transitioning from one task to another, as well as getting important things done responsibly.

Promptly Journals — I’ve been told for a while that journaling is helpful mentally to kind of recenter yourself, so a bit ago I downloaded several journal apps to add to my morning routine. Now some will prefer more creatively free journals, but I prefer this one that gives me small prompts I can do in a short amount of time that just allows me to get my thoughts down. I can even add pictures at the bottom that go with the theme! I’m scared I’ll run out of prompts eventually lol but until then this app works very well for my needs.

Stretchingexercise — Now idk if it’s from lack of sleep from my disorder, the position I sleep in when I do sleep, all the physical labor I’ve had to do in the past couple weeks, my medicine, or w h a t but I suffer from body aches like no one would believe. I know stretching is supposed to help with that, so I downloaded this app to help me do non-demanding physical activity that wakes me up in the mornings and helps relieve pain so I don’t keep having to take pain relievers. This one has different plans for things like muscle tension, back pain, warm ups— and it also gives you rudimentary weight updates (I’m underweight lololol so we’re looking to fix that) or plan updates. It’s worked really well for me so far and gives you animations and descriptions of the workouts (some taken from yoga) as well as timed breaks and a narrated guide. It’s been pretty helpful in temporary relief and if nothing else gets my blood flowing in the mornings.

Widgetsmith Step counter — in addition to the stretching thing one thing my doctor and I discussed that helps with the sedentary lifestyle is simply walking. I’ve needed so bad to relieve my stamina and reverse the atrophy, and walks have been stellar for that. Now I live in the New Orleans area so humidity and heat force me to go at the crack of Dawn, but honestly my weenie dachshund Charlie really enjoys our time out so he goes with me! The CDC recommends 10,000 steps a day which seems like a lot and it is if you don’t get out much. But this gives me an excuse to get dressed and do the hygienic thing and help Charlie be healthy too, as well as give me time for brainstorming because we walk in a truly beautiful area. I’m sure everyone installed widgetsmith with the last iOS update (Apple users anyway) and while at first the step counter was just interesting I’ve since come to rely on it! We do our 5000 in the morning, which of course is half, and I find that other things I do throughout the day typically drive the counter higher. Anything leftover can easily be accomplished by an evening walk in our neighborhood. Now the caveat is that I have to remote have my phone in my pocket because I don’t own a watch or anything fancy lol, but honestly I need to keep it on me anyway so that serves as a good reminder.

Todoist — this one is my FAVORITE. Ever since I’ve decided that I have trouble keeping track of things I need to do and small stuff I need to keep in mind and appointments, etc, I decided to find a list app. This is the one I found that absolutely helps me for everything from my list of room supplies I need to buy, to my reading list, to general tasks I have coming up I need to complete. And its widget functionality keeps it right on my Home Screen! More organized individuals can just use tiimo, but I’m definitely not one of those individuals so this app is sorely needed and appreciated.

And of course, I know building habits the first few weeks is HARD. So for days my body doesn’t respond to my alarms, I have a checklist of the key things I have to do to keep my life as functional as possible.

So that’s that on that. I’m going to try to keep writing updates and my daily goals in a post in the morning, and reblog what I accomplished in the evening. It’s gonna be tough. But I’m thinking if I can start small I’ll be able to build my stamina enough to return to college and be successful when I do. I hope that anyone watching this journey draws some kind of meaning or inspiration from it. And you guys can even follow along if y’all want! Especially for writers or people trying to get healthier. I can’t promise what works for me will work for you (and honestly I expect things to change especially if I get accepted into college again) but hey, I figure it’s worth a shot.

I hope you guys enjoy watching this journey, if nothing else I hope it’s entertaining. And maybe it’ll be successful. I do know that I’m just gonna try for it, and hope it works out.

First daily update to follow

Xoxo

Dani

#idiopathic hypersomnia #health and wellness #writing challenge

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