#but with Morgan around I know I’ll be up half an hour early for cuddles anyways lol

[waterbearwasteland]

My cat is so good at telling time and it drives me insane. I used to get up at 7:15 and take like 5 minutes to lay in bed and cuddle her because every time it’d go off she’d come running in for her designated baby time before I’d get ready to leave. Now my alarms are set for 7:45 bc I work from home but every morning she comes in at 7:10, cries a little and paws at my face until I wake up enough to roll over and let her lay across my chest so she can be held until 7:45

[wonderlandhatter]

Angelic in my clothes.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x femReader

Summary: Spencer knew a lot about a lot of thing and topics, but he doesn't know a lot about relationships, but you help him understand them.

Word count: 3400

Warnings: none, just a whole lot of fluff, itsy tinny bit of angst for like half a paragraph.

Prompt 4: “Why do you like stealing my clothes so much?"

A/N: ok but this was supposed to be a short little blurb, oops. anyways thanks for the request I hope this is ok, pls tell me if it wasn't what you'd imagined or feel free to send in another request.

A/N2: My old account got deleted so I'm just reposting my fics I would appreciate if you could bust this so i could get back to where my account was thank you for your time.

Taglist: @pinkdiamond1016  

Spencer did not like not knowing, he knew he was smart, and he knew a lot about different topics, one topic he didn’t know a lot about though were relationships. He wasn’t very experienced with them and there’s only so much you can learn from books and Derek honestly wasn’t a great insight.

Since you two had started dating he had begun to understand some of these thigs, one of which he understood fairly quickly. Which was why couples loved cuddling so much, he had never been a person that expressed affection through touch because it made him uncomfortable, and you were very understanding of this and waited for him to be comfortable and took baby steps. The first time you properly cuddled was while watching doctor who on his couch, and you fell asleep lying there with him, all the statistic and worries  about germs left his head, they were the last thing  in his head at that moment, they had been drowned by the beauty of your sleeping form, for another time in this relationship you had taken all his thoughts out of his head and you were the only thing that mattered. Emily was truly right, a pretty girl and his IQ is slashed to nothing, but you weren’t just any pretty girl you were the single most wonderful person he had ever met and he didn’t care about his IQ slashing, you were all that mattered mattered now.

And then he knew why people liked it, it was comforting and the most wonderful feeling in the world, hearing your cute little snores, that you flat out deny even exist, and seeing your hand keep a tight hold of his shirt. He liked holding you, it made him feel close to you in a more intimate way. That’s when he knew for sure he loved you, and he said it, you subconsciously smiled in your sleep at those words but had no knowledge of them when you woke up, but he didn’t care he would say them to you soon enough and he wasn’t sure but you would say them back with no hesitation.

Another thing he now understood about relationships was how good it felt to have someone to come home to, someone who you trust with your whole heart and who you can tell anything too, someone you love.

He understood this quite early into the relationship, you had been dating for a little over two months, you hadn’t had many dates because of his work but you talked on the phone all the time, and you were friends before for a while so it felt longer than it had actually been, but at the same time not long enough he wished you had met a long time before, but you’re together now and he wouldn’t waste any more time with you.

He understood this one night/very early morning after a case. He had missed you so much, the case was long, tiring and incredibly tough. He didn’t say anything, but you could hear it in his voice how tired and how mentally and physically exhausted he was. The truth is the victims looked a lot like you, the victimology fit you too perfectly for his comfort and it scared him, the thought of the unsub going after you terrified him, he couldn’t stand it so as soon as he got on the jet he called you, he just needed to hear you, to make sure you were still there alive and well, he however hadn’t realised how late it was until he heard a very groggy hello.

“Oh no Y/N I didn’t notice how late it is for you, I can call you when you wake up, I’m sorry I’ll let you go back to sleep” but just before he hung up you rushed out a response. “wait, no Spence wait a second, I want to talk to you”, you were definitely awake now,  “are you sure, its ok if you want to sleep, it is very late and you had a long work shift and”, “Spencer, of course I want to talk to you, I missed you” he smiled at this and before he could reply  you said something again, more quietly than before “I missed the sound of your voice Spencer”, god he loved you so much “I missed the sound of your voice too”, you sat there in comfortable silence relishing in the sound of each other’s breathing letting your words dance in the air.

After a minute you spoke again “how was the case”, Spencer sighed remembering the victims and your shared resemblance, “it was fine”, you knew it wasn’t “spencer talk to me I can tell it wasn’t”, how could you tell from just his voice.

“Well it was, agh it was just a lot, I don’t want to talk about murders though I missed you, can you just talk to me I want to hear your voice”. You didn’t push him any further with it, you knew he would talk to you if he needed to. “ok love, well………..” you talked for around an hour nothing of massive importance just pointless chit chat, but to him it was the most heavenly sound in the entire world, he was however fighting sleep from taking over, he didn’t want to stop talking to you, he felt like he needed you right now. He snapped back when he heard you calling his name “spencer…. Spence…. Love!!” “oh yeah, yeah I’m here, sorry what did you say”, “I’m going to hang up your falling asleep, I’ll talk to you later ok” “no I want to keep talking, I’m wide awake”, “Spencer I can hear your exhaustion its fine, go to sleep, I’ll go to sleep and we can talk later ok love”, he let the words sit for a  minute before sighing “ok, bye bug, I’ll talk to you later, we are landing soon so I’ll call you then, ok bug?”, “ok love sleep well”.

And with that the two of you hung up, and even though he missed hearing your voice he was exhausted and sleep over took him, you however did not sleep you got out of bed, and made your way to your door and put shoes on, you were going to go see him, you didn’t bother to put clothes on he had seen you in pjs before, you were wearing sweats and one of his Cal-tech crew necks stylishly matched with lilac crocs, wow you were hot.

You were now making your way to his apartment, it was about a half hour drive, it took a little longer since you had decided to drink some coffee before leaving so you didn’t fall asleep at the wheel. You knew he needed somebody right now, you didn’t know why but you didn’t need to you could hear it  when he first called you almost in a panic to hear you, plus you missed each other.

You arrived at his apartment and used your spare key to get in, once you were in you made your way to his kitchen to turn the kettle on to make some tea while you waited  for him. He texted you while you made your tea that they had landed and was on his way home, you chose to send him a text  saying “I’m waiting for you at yours <3” , you didn’t think it would be smart to surprise him and scare an FBI agent.

Spencer made his way home quitter than he usually would after he saw your message, he didn’t bother replying just rushed there as soon as Hotch said they could go home. He’d never been in such a rush to get home after a case, sure he was always happy to go home and sleep but this felt different this felt like a scratch he hadn't been able to itch and once he could see you he would feel the relief.

Once he got to his apartment building he ran up the multitude of stair until he got to his floor, he might have had to take a couple brakes between stairs but what can he say, he isn’t used to doing the physical stuff on the field, Morgan normally takes care of that.

As soon as he got to the door, he stood there for a minute to calm down his breathing before putting the keys in and unlocking the door. He stepped in and your sent engulfed him in the most comforting way, as soon as that scent reached him, he could physically feel himself intense.

He took his shoes off and placed them beside your discarded crocs with a quiet laugh at your ridiculous shoe choice, he then hung up his satchel with his blazer, and walked to his room assuming you’d be there but on his way there he stopped at the sound of cute little snores and saw you sitting on his couch with a half empty cup of tea on the side table and a book laid open on your chest, he should have known you would try to stay up for him.

He kneels in front of you and leaned in to place a kiss on your forehead, you slowly opened your eyes as you were only in a light sleep. Once you could make out the blob of colour in front of you to be your boyfriend you smiled and wrapped your arms around him nearly knocking you both backwards onto the floor before he stabilised you both. "Spencer, I missed you" you said nuzzling your face into his neck. "I missed you too bug, so much" he said closing his eyes and holding you tight to him.

You stayed there, just like that enjoying each other for a minute before you heard him sniffling, “Spencer are you ok love", "I... I just... I just really needed to see you, and feel you, I needed to know you were still here" before you could reply he spoke again tears clear in his voice "thank you so much for coming here tonight", "Spencer look at me", he reluctantly looked at you tears streaming down his face, you wiped his tears with your thumbs while holding his face gently "any time you need me, I will be there for you ok. I don’t care if you just finished a case and its an ungodly time just call me and I'll be here ok, I miss you to when you’re gone  and I love being with you, when I heard your voice over the phone I knew something wasn’t right and I needed to take that away, even if it's just for a little bit. You never need to thank me for being here for you ok" he decided the best way to reply, the best way to get all the words he needed to say to you was by kissing you, and so he did and you knew exactly what he meant by the kiss you understood every unsaid word that travelled through his lips to you.

It didn’t take long after that for Spencer to tell you why he was so upset and why he needed to see you so desperately, and you understood and held him and he felt safe. After you talked and held each other it was unspokenly decided you would spend the night, you went straight to bed while Spencer took a quick shower, if you could call it that he was in such a rush to get back to you he barely got wet. He got dried and dressed and then excited his bathroom to find you curled up on his bed, he loved the sight, it made all his worries from previously wash away, you had that effect on him, you seemed to be a source of good, and he loved it.

He got into bed and as soon as he got under the covers you were reaching for him, he welcomed the touch and held you back. So there lying with you he understood, while the worries of the past week washed away, he knew, he knew why people liked having someone to come home to so much. And he knew he would have to ask you to move in sooner than later.

At this point in your relationship spencer had come to understand many things, but there was still one he didn’t. He didn’t know why you enjoyed wearing his clothes so much, he wasn’t complaining not at all in fact he loved it when you wore them. It was a slightly possessive thing, he knew you were his and he was yours but when he saw you wearing his clothes it was just a visual reminder that you were in fact his and only his, but that’s why he loved it, so he didn’t know why you did, but boy was it irritating him.

You two had been living together for the past 5 months and it had been amazing, he had also seen a lot more of you in his clothes, as time went by he saw you sleep in his shirts and boxers many times, you were especially fond of his old Cal-tech sweatshirt and button ups. He loves you wearing them it’s one of his favourite looks on you, when you’re comfortable and cosy and simply adorable in the articles of clothing that are too big for you.

But if he’s being honest a very close second is when in the mornings after you have ‘exercised’ the previous night, when he wakes up to the smell of bacon and coffee and sees you in nothing but a pair of cotton panties and the button up he had discarded the previous night, he loved coming up behind you in those mornings and slipping his arms around your waist and holding you while whispering sweet nonsense to each other.

They had just gotten back from a case. It hadn't been long or a particularly hard one but boy did he miss you, he always did, he thanked whoever it was for it being a Friday night because it meant he would arrive home to you. In no time he was at the door of your shared apartment, you had both decided moving into his would be the best choice since it was bigger.

He opened the door and almost immediately heard your sock clad feet hitting the floor of your apartment, he quickly hung up his coat and satchel before opening his arms and catching his girlfriend in his arms "I missed you so much Spence" he laughed lightly in response and replied "I missed you too bug, it was only a week" you pulled away from the hug and leaned your forehead against his before whispering "a week without feeling you" he smiled at that and leaned in lighting bumping your noses together before connecting your lips together, god he’d never get tired of kissing you, it honestly felt like heaven.

You gasped into the kiss and pulled away abruptly, Spencer looked confused but you had the biggest smile on your face and all of a sudden he didn’t care you  broke of the kiss, “what was that for?” he asked feign hurt, “I made something” you said sheepishly rocking back and forth on your heels, “what did you make?” spencer asked imitating your tone. “come and see” you replied excitedly while pulling him into the kitchen.

Once in the kitchen you very excitedly showed Spencer the cupcakes you had made, “I baked cupcake” you announced while placing him in front of said cupcakes, Spencer went to reach for one when you slapped his hand “no Spencer I still need to put the icing on them”, “but they look so good” he pouted giving you puppy eyes, “oh, you’re cute when you pout” you leaned in and when you were only a breath away from kissing his lips you spoke “but still no” and with that you kissed his pout and pulled away, you made your way to the counter were you were putting the icing into piping bags and piped up saying “but you can help me ice them and then you can eat one”, “can I only eat one?”, you turned back smiling and handed him one of the piping bags “you can have as many as you want love”.

You were currently both icing cupcakes in comfortable silence, Spencer had noticed you were wearing his Cal-tech crew neck and a pair of cotton shorts along with a mismatched pair of his socks, you looked adorable, he loved that you wore mismatched socks like him even before you’d met, the fact you were sporting his at the moment was just the cherry on top.

And so he thought no would be as great a time as any to ask “Hey love can I ask you something”, without looking up from what you were doing you hummed in agreement, you were concentrating so hard on making the cupcake look perfect you just barely registered what he said, god he thought you looked so cute when you concentrated  so hard you had your tongue sticking out the side of your mouth.

He shook himself out of the trance you put him in and just asked "Why do you like stealing my clothes so much?", you looked up at his question with a worried expression on your face, you didn’t realise it could bother him, you never meant make him uncomfortable, should you have asked for permission before you took them?, Spencer saw your concerned expression and was going to clarify he didn’t mind when you rushed out first, “Spencer I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I should have asked I’m so sorry, oh god I’m wearing your clothes now I’ll go change”.

You put the piping bag down and passed Spencer when you were about to leave the kitchen but Spencer gently pulled your arm and pulled you into a hug, “Y/N, love, you just spiralled,” he pulled back from the hug and gently held your face in his hands, he could still see the sad and worried expression on your face and he hated that he had caused it, and needed to take it away, “I love that you steal my clothes, I absolutely adore seeing you swamped in my crewnecks and wearing my socks and specially in my button ups after certain events have taken place” he smirked at the blush that crept up your cheeks at the last part of his statement, he loved your shyness, “believe me I love it when you steal my clothes, you look angelic in them I just want to know why you like it, I know its dumb but I just can’t figure it out and not knowing is really bugging me”.

You smiled at this and all your previous worries washed away, you weren’t making him uncomfortable he was just being his usual curious self, you slid your hands up his chest and played with the collar of his shirt as his hands moved from your face you your waist and you began “well there’s a lot of reasons I like wearing your clothes, for one they’re really big on me so they are soooo comfy, they also smell like you so they remind me of you when you’re gone on cases”, he smiled at this and you looked down before continuing “and when you’re gone and I’m scared something will happen and I won’t see you again, it comforts me, it makes feel close to you when I can’t be” you looked up at him when you finished and he could see the glossiness in your eyes of the tears forming from your memories of all the times you were scared you wouldn’t see him again and he gave you a sad smile while he wiped a stray tear falling down your check.

“Honestly, they just make me feel warm and loved, when you’re gone”, his eyes were now glossed over too as he leaned in and kissed you, “I love you bug”, “I love you Spencer”.

And now Spencer knew, he knew why having a crew neck of his meant so much to you and how it could bring you comfort in a time when you needed it most.

[gloriafc]

Welcome Home

Y/N Barnes is the name you went by. You wore the name proudly, especially the day you married Bucky. He was your soulmate and you couldn't imagine living without him until the day Steve told you he disappeared with the many others in the blip. Steve stayed by your side, the two of you only having each other as you grieved your husband. A month after the blip you found out you were pregnant. "How am I supposed to do this Steve? How am I going to raise his baby without him here?" "I'll be here. It's not the same thing. But I'll try my best."

Eight and a half months later you had given birth to a beautiful babygirl. Rosalina Marie Barnes. Steve stared at the newborn in his arms, "She has his eyes." "I know. I stared at them for an hour wanting to cry." "Why Rosalina?" "Bucky always brought home roses. Didn't matter the occasion. Sometimes just because he hadn't brought me flowers in a while, but they were always roses. Even if it was just a single rose that he picked off a random bush. I had to work that in someway in his honor."

Pepper and Tony helped you as much as you'd let them, Morgan being born around the same time as Rosalina. The two girls became best friends, as they slowly got bigger. Soon they were able to walk and run causing chaos wherever they went.

As five years passed you learned how to live without Bucky. You always told Rosalina about her dad, to keep his memory, and to answer any question she may have had about him. She understood why she didn't have her dad, and as much as it hurt her to know she may never meet him she still loved him with her entire heart.

When Steve told you the Avengers were trying to reverse the blip you didn't know what to feel, thankful Morgan and Rosie were off playing unable to hear the conversation. "This is a good thing y/n." "I know." "You don't sound like its good." "Steve. I spent the last five years without my husband, grieving him. I spent the last five years as a single mother. Spending everyday looking into his blue eyes without him there next to me raising that beautiful girl. And you're telling me you think you guys found a way to bring him and the rest of the world back? Steve what happens when he comes back and he decides a kid is too much for him, or he thinks that I'm not the same person I was when the blip happened? Because I'm not. I spent five years trying to get over him just to fail everyday. I climb into bed everyday just wanting to be held in his arms and to get a whiff of his cologne but cant." You stop yourself unable to finish your train of thought, "Steve. As much as I missed him and as much as I wished he was there for Rosie growing up this is a big change."

When you go home and tell Rosie that Uncle Steve was trying to bring her daddy home she climbed into your bed with your giant photo album asking you to tell the stories of all the pictures in the book. "What's this one mommy?" "That's the day mommy married daddy." "You look like a princess." "I felt like one. Your daddy always made me feel like one." "Do you still love daddy?" "I'll always love him baby. Just like I'll always love you." "Do you think he'll love me?" "I think so. How could he not?" "He's never met me." "Doesn't mean he can't love you. I'm sure your Uncle Steve will tell him all about you."

And he did, as they were being transported back Bucky asked about you. "What happened to Y/N?" "She survived the blip Buck." Bucky could see the look on Steve's face, "What happened?" "Nothing bad. Depending on how you take it. Uh. Y/N found out she was pregnant a month after the blip happened." Bucky stayed silent as the information processed in his head making Steve continue with a proud smile on his face, "You have a daughter Buck. Shes every bit as crazy as Y/N, but shes stubborn like you. Besides your eyes shes her mini me." Steve pulls out his phone and shows him a picture of the three of you on Rosie's last birthday, "She named her Rosalina. Rosie for short. Rosalina Marie Barnes." "She kept my name?" "She couldn't bring herself to go by anything else. She loves you Buck even while you were gone. There hasn't been a day she didn't miss you, even Rosie knows who you are."

When they land Steve calls you to tell you that Tony died. "How's Pepper doing?" "You know Pepper." "Working through everything. How is he?" "Why don't you ask him yourself?" Steve hands the phone to Bucky, the sound of his voice immediately making you cry, "Hey doll." "Buck." The sound of your sniffles makes him want to tear up, "You dont know how much I missed you." "I can imagine it doll. Steve told me we have a daughter." "She's beautiful Buck. Wait until you see her."

The day of Tony's funeral you're helping Rosie get ready trying to avoid being late, but it seems she has other plans. Bucky waits nervously, for him it's only been a week since the last time he saw you, but he knows that it's been five years and you'll be with your daughter. Steve nudges him when your car pulls in and the pair watch as you climb out and go around before you're helping Rosie out as she carrys a gift bag. Pepper followed by Happy and Morgan reach you first, you quickly pull Pepper in with a sad smile "Sorry we're late Rosie had other plans." You watch as Rosie hands Morgan the bag, before she grins as she pulls out a rabbit stuffed animal dressed like iron man, "Squeeze it Morgan." You watch as her and Pepper get teary eyed when the rabbit speaks in Tony's voice, from a recording from one of Tony's voice files, "I love you 3000." Pepper looks at you, "How did you get that?" "I have my ways, theres one more thing." You reach into the bag and pull out a small stuffed cheeseburger that attaches to the bunnies hand, Pepper looks at you, "That's perfect. Thank you." Morgan hugs your legs as she looks at you unable to say anything. Happy looks at you with a sad smile, "I think theres someone waiting to see you. I can watch Rosie." "Thank you Happy."

You make your way towards Bucky and Steve, stopping in front of them as your eyes take Bucky in before you start tearing up. "Doll. You look beautiful." You can't even say anything before he takes you into his arms and you hold onto him tightly, afraid to lose him again. You both sway as you quietly cry doing the one thing you wanted to do for five years.

The three of you move to sit on the steps of the back porch, watching as Happy keeps the two girls entertained. "What's she like?" Steve chuckles as you say, "Sometimes she's a giant pain in my ass." "She's only saying that because she has her mother's attitude." You smile and shake your head, "Theres too much personality in one little body. You're going to have to find out for yourself. But she definitely takes after her dad." Bucky looks at you and Steve confused, "I've lost count of how many times I was asked to pick her up early from school because she got in a fight. A fight in preschool." You nudge Bucky, "Guess what she did?" He just shakes his head as Steve continues, "Every time I asked her she said the bigger kids were picking on the small kid so she fought the bullys." You chuckle, "Sound familiar?"

Ten minutes later she runs up to you, cuddling into your side as she peeks at the man shes called her dad in photos. "Mommy." Bucky can feel his heart thump as the word leaves her mouth, he's always wanted to experience having a child with you he just never imagined you'd do it without him. "Come here." You pull her onto your lap facing Bucky and Steve as she tries to hide in your hair. Not even a second later she's pulling something out of her jacket pocket. "These are yours." She hands Bucky his dog tags, you've told her they were something he never took off, but they fell during the blip and Steve brought them to you. She loved to play dress up with them, always being careful and returning them to their spot when she was done. Bucky looks at the spot where her hand touched his before slowly handing them back to her, "I believe you've kept them safe for this long." She smiles as she holds them to her chest and you kiss the top of her head.

When it is time to go Rosie grabs your hand before stopping and looking at Bucky and reaching for his hand, "Come on Daddy." You couldn't hide your smile, hearing her call him that and him actually being there and not just a picture. Steve nudges his best friend, "Go with your girls." Bucky smiles, "My girls. I like the sound of that." He grabs onto Rosie's hand with his giant hand compared to hers, the three of you walking back to your car. He watches as you help her into her seat before shutting her door, "I'll drive. We had to find a bigger home once she started walking. It's not too far from here."

As you drive Bucky finds himself smiling as you hum along to the music, something you've always done, what makes him stop and look in the backseat is the voice of his daughter singing along to the music as she kicks her feet and stares out the window at the passing trees. He can't hide his smile when he sees your smirk, "Like mother like daughter huh?"

When you park in the driveway Bucky stares at the house as Rosie runs inside, "Tony built it. This is his land, well Peppers now. I couldn't stay in that small apartment anymore. I needed a fresh start but couldn't bring myself to leave completely. After Morgan was born Pepper took over everything Tony did and gave me her old job as assistant. It let's me afford more than we needed without making me work all the time." Bucky still looks at the place you call home, you grab his metal hand, the cold metal having a familiar homey feeling to you, "Come on. There's so much she's dreamed about showing you." As soon as you step foot into the house and lock the door you smile hearing Rosie rummage around in her room, "You got this Buck. Trust me." You lead him to where her room is. When she grabs his hand to pull him further into the room and makes his seemingly giant frame sit on her little bed, handing him her favorite stuffed animals and telling him about each one you cant help but start to tear up, the life you always imagined for her happening right before your eyes.

Your phone buzzes and pulls you out of thought as you read the message from Pepper smiling at the picture attached. She managed to capture a picture of the three of you as you were leaving, Rosie in the middle as you held hands. Your backs were to the camera but its quickly become one of your favorite pictures. You quietly leave the room knowing Rosie is easy to entertain and good at playing host. You quickly open up your computer and after a few short minutes the picture Pepper sent you is printed out and you're sticking it in your photo album. As you close the book you stop remembering the bins you've kept in the garage all these years. You find the one you'd continuously dig through when you were pregnant and couldn't fit any of your clothes, and carry it inside. You stop when you see Rosie and Bucky standing in the hall, "There you are Mommy. I want to show daddy the pictures." You smile and nod, "How about we let daddy get into some more comfortable clothes while I make dinner?" She quickly let's go of his hand, "Can I help?" "Always Love."

Rosie becomes preoccupied with going through the pantry trying to find what she wants for dinner as you lead Bucky to what would now be your shared room. "You'll find everything easy. These are all your clothes. The rest of your stuff is in the garage, but that can wait until tomorrow." Bucky takes the box from you his hand finding the side of your face and you cant help but lean into his touch your eyes quickly finding his. "You kept everything?" With a nod you answer, "I couldn't bring myself to throw anything away. Or donate it. The thought of someone else wearing your clothes, making the smell of you go away was too much for me. And it helped that when I was pregnant and to big to fit in my own clothes that I had backups." For the first time in five years Buckys lips meet yours as you both get lost in the moment. It isn't until you hear a tiny "Eww" that makes you break apart. You both chuckle at the disgusted look on your daughters face as she stands in the doorway holding onto a box of macaroni and cheese, Bucky can't help himself, "What? You don't like this?" He gently turns your face so he can kiss you again, making you laugh into the kiss when Rosie pretends to gag. He let's you go and is quick to grab Rosie making her drop the box and let out happy giggles as he spins around. You immediately know what hes going to do as he stops in front of you, "How about this?" Before she can question anything you both press multiple kisses to her cheeks making her giggle even harder as she tries to push you both away, "That tickles!"

Just hearing the sounds of his daughter's giggles makes him immediately become protective. Even though he just met her he already knows how much he loves her and how he'd do anything to keep a smile on her face. The fact that you gave him a child makes him fall even more in love with you. When you both head to the kitchen to make dinner he can't shower fast enough, not wanting to miss a single moment with you both. As he walks down the hall he finally takes notice of the different pictures that line the walls. There's some of the two of you, some with Steve, with Tony, Pepper, and Morgan. He can see that you continued to live your life but stops at the ones with him in them. He sees your wedding picture and cant stop himself from touching the frame, next to it a picture of you pregnant, then one of you holding Rosie as a newborn. He gets taken out of thought when he can hear two giggles coming from the kitchen, he smiles thinking how much his daughter is exactly like her mother, and wouldn't change a thing.

Bucky slowly eases into your nighttime routine, and being around Rosie. Anytime he needs reassurance about what to do he'd look at you and you'd simply nod or shake your head. He watched as you tucked Rosie in for bed, her refusing to be tucked in unless he helped making you laugh. After you turned off her light he followed you to your room climbing into bed alongside you. "This side feels unslept in." "It should. I can't sleep on that side, when Rosie would climb into bed with me she always managed to sleep on top of me."

As soon as you feel yourself start to fall asleep you feel an all too familiar weight on top of you, "Rosie what are you doing out of bed?" Bucky reaches over to turn on the light in his half-asleep state shocked to find Rosie on top of you and under the blanket, "There's a monster under my bed." "And there's a gremlin under my blanket." Bucky can't fight the smile on his lips as he watches the mother-daughter duo. "Mommy, I need daddy to fight the monster." "Liar." "You don't know that." "Mmm i think I know my own child Rosie. You just want to sleep in here." She looks between you and Bucky with a smile he knows he'll end up giving into everytime, "Can I?" You look at Bucky, "It's up to you Sergant." He can only shrug, "She's already under the blanket." Rosie grins before snuggling in-between you both.

After Rosie's fast asleep Bucky feels her weight shift until he feels her weight on top of him, not even a second later he hears you quietly say, "I told you. Welcome home Buck."

[winterscaptain]

tell.

Aaron Hotchner x Gender Neutral Reader

a/n: i cannot tell yall how long i have been working on this one, so i'll save it. thanks to @ssaic-jareau for hanging in there with me as i pulled late nights to make this happen over the weekend!! i love you!! i know it's broad daylight for you while im being irresponsible, but i appreciate it nevertheless. let me know what you think, my lovelies! i cherish your thoughts!

words: 7.4k warnings: language, discussion of sex, canon-typical case events

summary: “we are not people who touch each other carelessly; every point of contact between us feels important, a rush of energy and relief.” veronica roth, allegiant. au!may 2012

masterlist | a joyful future masterlist | ajf faq | requests closed!

It’s always tough to spend time away from home when you aren’t on a case, but a conference kept you from your boys the last couple of days, on Strauss’s request. Aaron was none too happy about it, but as the junior-most agent in the unit (even with five years under your belt), the shitty seminars and professional development events fell on your shoulders. 

Even though you landed early in the morning, flying coach all the way back from California, there was a whole day with Jack waiting for you and Aaron upon your return. A rare Saturday - no case, no paperwork, just family.

You knock on the door with a knuckle, unable to reach your keys around your bags and breakfast. 

Aaron opens the door with a “Hey!” coated in laughter, kissing your cheek. He’s still in his pajamas. 

You squint at him. “Am I early?”

He snorts. “Never. We’re running late.” He takes the takeout bags and coffee from your hands. “Thank you for breakfast.” 

“Of course. I wanted -” 

Jack runs across the apartment and slams into you full force. “You’re home!” 

You curl around him, your hands on his head and shoulder as he cuddles into you. “I am! I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

His voice is muffled by your shirt and it makes you smile. You glance at Aaron over Jack’s head to find a smile. 

“Come look at our fort!” Jack, wearing a blanket cape, takes you by the hand and brings you into the dining room, where the dining room table has been turned into a massive fort fit for a king. 

Or, rather, two kings. 

“Oh my goodness, Jack. This is incredible, little bug. Your architectural prowess knows no bounds.” You look up at Aaron from your place on the floor. “Where’s your cape?” 

His deadpan, as usual, never fails to make you laugh. “Uh, I’m wearing it.” 

Jack continues to drag you all the way under the table until you’re laying on your bellies in the little slap-dash shelter.

Aaron flops down on the floor on the other side of Jack. “We slept in here all night.” 

“Really? That sounds like so much fun.” 

What you mean is, What, with your bad back? 

“Mmhmm,” he replies, only to really say - 

Yep. I feel like shit. 

“Can we sleep in here again tonight, Dad?” Jack asks, turning to Aaron. “All together?” 

You exchange a glance with Aaron, who laughs. 

So much for grown-up plans...

+++

You’re both scrambling to get ready for the bike ride across the mall and day at the Smithsonian when the phone call comes in. 

“Hotchner,” Aaron says, still at the counter, tucking his phone under his chin as he finishes packing the rest of the picnic basket. 

He freezes, hastily bagging some carrots and putting them in the basket before holding the phone in his hand and leaning heavily against the counter. “You’re kidding.” 

That’s not a good tone. 

Jack looks up at you, and you rest your hands on his chest over his shoulders, backing him into you as you watch Aaron with your lip between your teeth. 

“Did they raise the terror alert?”

Shit. 

“Okay. That’s for the best. Um…” He checks his watch. “I’ll get down there now. Yeah….Do you need the rest -” 

With a huff, he meets your eyes and nods. 

You let out a sigh and kiss Jack’s head. He knows the drill and runs off for your phone, still charging in the bedroom. 

“Understood, ma’am. I’ll be there first. We gotta get Jack squared away but I’ll get going while -” He pauses, probably interrupted by Strauss again. “Thank you...Yes...I’ll be there as soon as I can and the rest of the team will meet at the scene.” 

You know that also means you. You also can’t ignore the prick of anxiety that shoots through your belly, knowing he’ll likely be in danger without you for at least a half-hour. 

Jack returns with your phone, Jessica already on the line. 

+++

Aaron, of course, leaves right away while you wait for Jess. 

You sit on the couch with Jack. “I’m so sorry, buddy. We’ll have to do a big day, just the three of us, another time.” 

Jack shrugs. “It’s okay. Sometimes you just gotta catch the bad guys.” 

The offhand nature of his understanding strikes you as instantly hilarious, and he laughs with you when you double over, wiping tears from your eyes. 

“Yeah. Sometimes you just do, kiddo.” 

+++

When you finally arrive at the scene, Dave’s already set up hostage negotiation. You cross the street, finding Will and JJ huddled with Emily and Derek. 

“You okay?” You ask, placing your hand on Will’s shoulder. He’s not just JJ’s not-husband. He’s your friend, too, all on his own. 

“Yeah, jus’ fine.” He shakes his head. “Jus’ a little rattled, is all.” 

“Understandable.” 

His mouth presses into a thin line as he exhales. “Thanks.” He checks his watch. “Y’all should get on back. I think Strauss just showed up.”

JJ kisses his cheek and trots off to meet the rest of the unit. After another hug for Will, you follow suit. 

+++

“The media's calling them the Face Cards. Seven bank robberies in seven months. They've killed one person at each robbery.” Aaron leads the rest of you to the trailer, where the monitors are all set up. 

Dave furrows his brow. “M. O.?�� 

“Single gunshot wound. Each of the victims has bled out.” 

That doesn’t make much sense. 

You jump in. “Serial killers with a 30-day cooling-off period and we're only just hearing about this now?” 

“Well, headquarters has always characterized them robbers first and killers second,” Aaron replies, glancing back at you. You roll your eyes. 

Of course they did. 

“No one kills seven people without serious psychopathic tendencies,” Spencer notes. He’s more than right, and you thought the same thing - it’s almost like he took the words out of your mouth. 

“I disagreed with the original assessment. I was overruled.” Aaron’s bland version of frustration is clear in his tone, but he knows, just as you do, that ship has sailed. All you can do now is handle what’s in front of you. 

“So why are we here now?” Dave asks. 

“Because crisis negotiation is overseas.” 

Aaron starts to walk again as JJ asks after more information. Aaron usually rattles it off pretty quickly, but with the quick start this morning, you know he trusts the rest of you to ask the questions you need. “What more do we know about them? 

“They're organized, they're efficient. Each strike lasts about two minutes.” 

Derek, walking beside you, finally joins the conversation. “They gotta be scouting the banks in advance. Why haven't we been able to identify them off of surveillance footage?” 

“They hack the security feed and turn off the cameras, both during the initial canvass and during the robbery, until the masks come back on, and then we're allowed to watch.” Aaron leads you all into the tactical staging truck, watching the security feeds. 

+++

As you continue to watch, the scene becomes clearer, the power dynamics more tangible. 

Dave sees it, too. “They're using the hostages as human shields.” 

JJ, with Will beside her, studies the footage, watching the Queen run around while the King finds himself preoccupied with the Jack’s wound. “This is the first time they've been interrupted. What went wrong?”

“It's a big bank,” Emily says. “It's possible they weren't about to round everybody up before someone triggered an alarm.” 

That’s a fair point, but you ask your question anyway.  “Why haven't they cut the feed now that they've been cornered?”

Derek, still beside you, answers. “Letting us see inside gives up a tactical advantage. They gotta know that.” 

They don't seem to care,” Aaron says, from your other side. 

You’re all silent for another minute, watching to see what happens next. Even though their plans went awry, the team still looks fairly calm and collected, all things considered. 

JJ’s frown only deepens. “They're overconfident. Arrogant, even.” 

“The face card masks add to their narcissism.” Spencer’s voice comes from the end of the line. “Their personas are the royalty of poker.” 

You nod - it’s a great point - while Aaron starts making assignments.  

“JJ, Reid, and Prentiss, look at past robberies. That's gonna be our victimology. Pull another analyst if you need to.” He turns to you, then Dave, on his other side. “I want you two to handle negotiations. And, Morgan, strategize tactical options with MPD.” 

You shuffle, gathering your radio and earpiece from the charger next to Penelope’s computer. 

When the rest of the team leaves, you hang back with Dave, keying into the radio channels and standing by for further instruction - you know there’s more for you in the trailer at the moment. 

Further instruction, though, may have to wait. Strauss climbs the steps into the rig and Aaron greets her. “Chief Strauss.” 

“The Director ordered me to supervise your operation.” 

Of course he did. 

“Puts you right in the spotlight,” Dave says, not unkindly. It’s almost fond. 

You can’t help but hold back a little bit of a smile. If the situation were reversed and it was Aaron at the helm, you’d be proud of him, too. 

“Well, you've got gunmen with hostages in the Capital. The Hill's concerned.” 

Aaron nods, gesturing to you and Dave. “We're about to open lines of communication.”

“What about a tactical assault?”

The three of you shake your heads as Aaron responds. “I don't think it's a good idea. There are hostages in front of the doors and windows.” 

Erin, finally onboard, turns to Dave. “What's your negotiation strategy?” 

“The Jack's bleeding out. They'll ask for medical attention.” 

You hum, a little skeptical, and look back at the feed. “The female unsub might have something to say about that. Look at her body language.” 

Dave follows your gaze. “She is cold and detached. The King seems genuinely concerned about his partner's welfare. But she couldn't give a damn.” 

Your eyebrows raise. “The men probably know each other.” 

Aaron, picking up on your train of thought, flags Penelope, “Garcia?” 

She turns in her chair, already typing. “Shuffling my techno-fabulous deck of databases, sir.” 

And so it begins. 

+++

“I’ll do the talking - I’ll need to establish some rapport with them, but I’ll need you keeping the team updated and coordinating any allowances or personnel as things come up, okay?” 

You nod, a little smile pulling at the side of your mouth. “You got it.” 

Dave claps your shoulder. “You’ll be in this chair one day, so pay attention.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

He dials in and the phone starts ringing through the speaker. You’ll be able to hear everything. 

“Who the hell's this?” You check the monitor. The King picked up the phone. 

Obviously, the Jack can’t pick up the phone, stupid, he’s bleeding out!

“My name is David Rossi. I'm with the FBI. To whom am I speaking?” 

The King doesn’t address the question, but rather looks back toward his fallen compatriot. “All right, I want a doctor sent in, and then I want out of here.” 

Dave checks his watch. “Well, we certainly can discuss that. Let the hostages go and we'll give you all the medical help you need.” 

You take a mental note. Your memories from Dave’s lectures at the academy are fuzzy at best, and you haven’t had very much time handling these things in the field. The last time a major hostage crisis was at hand, you were a hostage yourself. 

A shot hostage, if the chronic nerve pain in your shoulder is any reminder. 

“I can't do that. I need the leverage.” 

“How about a sign of good faith? Send out the women and children and I'll see what I can do.” 

You watch as the King takes the phone away from his mouth. You can vaguely hear him update the Queen, but she’s not having it. She pulls a child from the lineup and your lower lip disappears between your teeth. 

A man, you presume the girl’s father, speaks to the Queen before she shoots him in the abdomen. The King gets back on the line. 

“You better send in some more help or more people are gonna die.” He hangs up. 

Shit. 

+++

“You’re not seriously considering sending an agent in there?” You turn on Hotch and he sighs, pressing his fingers to the bridge of his nose. 

“We don’t have much of a choice. I’m not the authority on-site and with the director pressing Strauss, there’s not much I can do.” 

The two of you are alone for the time being, so you’re able to rib him for a second to lighten the tension. 

“What’s the point of being unit chief if you can’t lord it over everyone all the time?” 

You're rewarded with a shadow of a smile and a snort. “Don’t be ridiculous. I lord it over you plenty.” 

“Not enough.” Your tone is childish, the words murmured under your breath. 

When he walks away, he taps the side of your ass with the back of his hand. If you weren’t in a professional setting, you could mistake it for a promise. 

But, Aaron, that would be unprofessional!

You turn to look at him and just catch his wink as he hops up the steps behind Strauss. 

+++

With Garcia’s magic and Aaron’s genius, you figure out that the men are related. 

While Rossi hops on the next phone call, you help Derek outfit the medic with a bug and a weapon. 

“We're sending in the medic now, Chris. Tell Oliver help is on the way.” 

Derek nods at the medic and he hops off, heading into the bank. You jog over to the trailer only to find a humorously horrified look on Strauss’s face. 

“Is she…” 

You get closer, looking up at the monitor. 

“...putting on lipstick?” 

You scoff. “She’s vain. Only contributes to a profile of vanity and narcissism. She likes to be seen - this is a game for her.” 

You jog back out before Strauss can respond, taking your place between Aaron and Derek. 

“Green. You gotta go. Green. Go,” Derek says into his mic. 

The agent-turned-medic makes a move and immediately gets a shot between the eyes for his trouble. Your hand files over your mouth and Derek ducks away, taking a second. 

Well, that couldn’t have been any worse. 

You look at Aaron, still staring at the screen, beside you. He’s thinking the same thing. 

+++

Derek walks up to you, kevlar and sunglasses firmly in place. “Tactical's been deployed, snipers are moving into position.” 

At your questioning look, Strauss clarifies. “The Director's ordered a full tactical assault.” 

The look doesn’t leave your face. “His last orders cost us an agent.” 

Radio transmissions fly one ear and out the other, not to mention the flurry of activity around the negotiation tent. Before Strauss can reply, Will’s call shoots past you to Aaron.

“SWAT's getting itchy fingers.” 

Aaron turns, covering his comm mic at his chest. “You remind SWAT that bank robberies are federal jurisdiction. No one fires until they're ordered to.” 

“Right.” 

Will disappears and you suppress a little pleased shudder. Aaron’s very much in control now and it is doing things to your body that are better suited for, well, anywhere else. You tighten the velcro across your chest as if to compress another rush of… nothing useful. 

Aaron turns back to you, Dave, Derek, and Strauss. “All right, when the crossfire starts, what's gonna happen to the hostages caught in the middle?” 

The question is a trap, and Dave doubles down. “That's the wrong call, Erin, and you know it.” 

Strauss falters for a minute, leveling with the rest of you. “It's not my call.” 

Aaron doesn’t let up. “You're here and you're in charge.” His tone is sharper than yours would be in the same situation, but you’re nearly fifteen years younger and a whole four steps down on the totem pole. 

Not for the first time, a rush of affection and gratitude for him crests over your in a wave and you have to look away, taking a deep breath to collect yourself. When you look back, he’s watching you. 

I’m okay. 

He nods as Erin speaks again. 

“So you want me to disobey the Director?” Erin sounds dubious, at best. 

Dave responds quickly. “Yes.” 

Aaron amends, and if the situation wasn’t so tense his correction would almost be funny. “No. I just want you to buy us a little time.” He pauses, wavering for a second as he rephrases. “Don't be quite so efficient.” 

You’re never surprised by Aaron’s political savvy, but it is a nice reminder that he can run circles around every bureaucrat in the district if given the chance. 

“Whatever you're gonna do, do it fast.”

+++

“It’s an impossible ask, Dave. You know JJ will never go for it.” 

“It’s not up to JJ.” Aaron’s voice approaches from behind you. “It’s the director’s call, but mine first.” 

He comes to rest beside you as Dave leaves the two of you alone. 

“What are you gonna do?” You look at Aaron, finding his eyes trained on the monitor, arms crossed over his chest.

He sighs. “If it was you he asked for...” 

You bump his shoulder. “What, not interested in feeding me to serial killers today?” 

It’s a loaded joke, especially for the two of you, but after Emily, you’re past such things. If the situation were reversed, Haley would never stop giving you hell for getting serial-killed the way she did. It’s only fair to return the favor. 

“Over my dead body, baby.” He reaches down to squeeze your hand for a second before letting you go. “Do me a favor?” 

“Anything.” 

“Stay here.” 

+++

You can hear JJ’s anguished shouts from here, beside Dave and the phone. 

Derek has a good enough hold on her, Emily and Aaron protecting him from JJ’s wild elbows. She’s beside herself but eventually breaks free and sprints back toward the trailer. You turn to follow her, just in time to hear a gunshot. 

Will.

+++

You’re all gathered in the trailer as JJ asks the same questions over and over again. Garcia, just like the first time, doesn’t have any answers. 

The static on the monitors is nearly deafening in its silence. 

JJ looks at you for a moment and takes a shaky breath before looking at Hotch. Her eyes are red-rimmed and her voice is broken when she speaks. “Aaron.”

You know he’s never been able to deny her anything. In the entire time you’ve known him, it’s one of the few things that hasn’t changed. 

His eyes don’t budge from hers. “We’re going in.”

+++

You press the heels of your hands to your eyes, trying to stem the stinging from the heat and debris. Your ears ring and you’ve got a scrape on your chin from where you face-planted into the asphalt. 

Eventually, you remove your hands and open your eyes to the early summer sunshine. Your bias is clear enough - Aaron’s the first one you look for and the first one you find.

He’s looking a little dazed and more than a little ruffled, but alive. 

Ignoring the whine in your ears and swiping some blood off your face, you jog over to him, taking stock of him from head to toe. “You alright?”

He doesn’t answer right away, and you realize he probably can’t hear you. An image of Kate reaching for you and the smell of blood flashes into your head, but you push it away. 

His ear…

“Aaron?” You lay a hand on his shoulder and he startles a little, meeting your eyes and coming back to himself all at once. 

He puts his hands on your shoulders, tipping your jaw up with one finger to examine your chin. “You’re hurt.”

“Honey, I’m fine. Your ear…” You follow a small trickle of blood up the side of his neck, rounding him to get a better look. Just as you’d feared, his bad ear is bleeding again. 

He waves off your concern and taps his comm mic, calling for support in quick, clear soundbites. You snag the back of his vest before he can get too far away from you. 

“As soon as you’re done with that, please get it looked at.”

With a sigh, he nods and gestures to your chin. “I will if you do.”

You roll your eyes. 

“Where’s Emily?” You hear Morgan ask JJ as they get their bearings around you. 

With a start, you follow them into the building, attached to a couple of SWAT agents. You know Aaron will get after you for going in before everything’s cleared by bomb squad, but you can’t keep still. 

The heartache you feel for JJ supersedes anything else going on in your head. It’s something that plagues you all the time - the both of you doing this job. Losing Aaron in the field is a stark reality you can hardly consider at any point, especially when evidence of its reality is right in front of you. 

+++

Aaron can’t help himself - he pulls you close after you’re both released by the paramedics, pressing a kiss to your head. It’s almost desperate as he leans back and pulls your collar from your vest, his hands smoothing over your shoulders. 

“I need to debrief SWAT and first responders - can you stay with Dave and help with the media?” 

“Okay. Let me know if you need any extra hands - I’ll send ‘em right over.” 

He smiles at you, soft, small, and affectionate. “Thank you.” 

+++

You pull your phone from your pocket. 

She picks up on the second ring. “Yeah?”

“Hey, Jess.” 

“Hey.” She pauses. “You okay?”

With a shaky sigh, you reply. “Yeah. I’m fine. Aaron’s fine.” 

“I heard about the explosion. Is there anything I can do?” 

“No, we’re fine. Just...Just stay out of the city.” After another breath. “Is Jack okay?” 

She laughs a little. “Yeah. He’s fine. He’s a little anxious but I turned off the TV and we’re headed out to the park for a little while.” 

“Good.” You look over at Aaron, who holds your eyes for a second before returning to his EMS strategy huddle. 

“Be safe and come home to us soon, okay?” 

“Yeah. We will. We love you. Tell Jack we -”

“ - Of course.” 

+++

You follow Spencer through the debris once you’re done handling the media storm with Dave. Picking through the rubble, searching for something - anything - but not finding much. 

Derek’s voice echoes through the ruined, cavernous space that used to be the main lobby. “Everything they've said and done was for a reason. But what doesn't make any sense is she switched the negotiation demand. Chris wanted to go to Switzerland. She changed it to Chad.” 

“They also requested a private plane,” you note, “but no mention of a pilot.” 

Spencer stops, and you almost run into him. Emily stops as well, looking back at the pair of you as Spencer organizes his thoughts. When he’s ready to speak, he says, “Guys, if you think about it, even the dates mean something. In 2004, while she was wreaking havoc abroad, he was dishonorably discharged. Then in 2008, they likely met in Chad. And now this in 2012.” 

Good thought. But then again, when is one of Spencer’s thoughts bad? 

It’s a decent enough question, and you run the gamut of all the surprising and absurd things Spencer’s said in your presence over the years. One in particular comes to mind. 

Evil twin, eviler twin. 

You hold back a little laugh, despite the harrowing circumstances. 

Yeah, that one was pretty bad. 

“Okay.” Derek grabs your attention again. “So, is it a coincidence that those are all election years and they attacked D.C.? Maybe this is a political statement.” 

Emily’s eyes are stuck on something on the ground, but you’re not sure if it’s what she’s really looking at. “No. It's more personal than that. It's their story.” 

Derek’s brow pinches. “What?” 

“All of the details are a part of their story.” 

She starts to leave through one of the shattered windows and you follow her back to the trailer, Spencer and Derek not far behind. She hops up the steps and you take your place beside Aaron once you’re all inside. It’s much cozier in here, with eight of you. 

Spencer fills the rest of the team in on your conversation inside. Unsurprisingly, it’s rote - read like a cold script. 

Emily picks up when he’s done. “Their timeline suggests they were both destructive before they met.” 

“So we're talking about ex-military turning on their country.” Strauss looks and sounds skeptical, but you can’t blame her. In American culture, it’s rather incongruous. 

Now who sounds like Spencer?

“It's rare, but soldiers become disenfranchised no matter what the nationality. And if he met someone like-minded at that time, there'd be no stopping them.”

“So you're thinking they met during the civil unrest in Chad in '08.” Aaron’s voice isn’t skeptical - more probing. You can see the wheels turning behind his eyes. 

“Yeah,” Spencer says. “And one or both of them are pilots.”

“So if Garcia concentrates on that region,” Emily points to an area on a map, lit up on the monitor, “specifically weapons running in and out of Libya, there's a good chance we'll find their paths crossed.”

Penelope types furiously for a moment, her fingers flying over the keys. “Okay, multiple entries into Libya for a private pilot named Matthew Downs in '08, but I don't have her name.” 

“Well, because she had aliases. It's the only way to stay a ghost.” 

Looks like Emily’s Interpol knowledge is coming in handy. 

She continues. “Here's the thing - they are a couple. Regardless of what we believe of them, they will celebrate themselves and their connection.” She turns to Penelope, a thought sparking behind her eyes. “Is there anything that happened on this date in Chad?”

“Oh, you are good, Emily Prentiss.” Penelope types for a moment and you lean forward, watching her work. “But this news is not. Yes, there were multiple explosions on this date in '08.” 

Aaron speaks from beside you. He’s a little closer than you thought, and it startles you a little. 

In fairness, you’re still jumpy from the explosion. 

“Where were the most casualties?” 

“At a church-- no, no, a train. Yep.” 

Morgan squints at the photos of the hulled-out building. “Semtex and C-4?”

Penelope nods while Aaron turns toward Strauss. “Are trains still arriving at Union Station?”

“Yes, but only the authorities are allowed in.” There’s a moment where she almost looks panicked, but collects herself as the rest of you gear up to leave. 

Emily exhales down her nose. “That’s why they needed Will.” 

+++

Aaron drives impossibly fast through the district. You sit in the back seat with Emily, holding onto the handles above the door for dear life. 

You’ve never flashed your badge so many times in such a short period. Aaron tucked his badge into a strap of his vest, just to save time, but still has his credentials locked between his fingers as he drives. If you didn’t trust him so much, it would freak you out a little.  

+++

The comm in your ear crackles as Emily speaks. “I found Will.” 

“Is he mobile?” Aaron’s voice comes both from beside you and your comm - it’s a little disorienting, but you push through. 

“Negative. He's got 6 transmitters on him and this whole place is gonna blow.”

There’s hardly a hesitation in Aaron’s steps as he processes the information. “All right, where are you? I'm on my way.” 

He’d like to think he’s made of steel. 

Sometimes he is. 

“No,” Emily asserts. “You gotta get everyone out. Is the bomb squad here yet?” 

“They're 3 minutes away.” 

“Copy.” She sounds a little disappointed, or maybe frustrated, but doesn’t say anything else.

He turns back to you, holding you by the shoulders. “I want you leading evacuation. Get out of here.” 

Tears prick at your eyes and honestly, this is the first moment you’ve really been afraid. Existentially afraid. Afraid of walking out of this train station and leaving Aaron and Emily and Will to blow up. “I’ll see you later?” 

“Yep. Go.” He tries to push you away, but you resist. 

“Promise?” 

His brown eyes soften as his mouth presses into a thin line. “Can’t. I love you. Get outta here.” 

You bounce on your toes for a second, acutely aware you’re wasting valuable time, before yanking him forward to kiss his cheek before you sprint away from him, shouting instructions to the panicked crowd as you go. 

+++

You catch up with Derek, racing to catch your suspect. He corners him in an alley but can’t quite overpower him. You reach for your sidearm, but by the time you take aim, Downs is already on the ground, a gunshot ringing through the air. 

Startled, you turn over your shoulder to find Aaron still staring down the sight of his Glock. 

Could take an eye out, with that thing.

You sigh and holster your weapon. Derek looks plenty dazed and you don’t blame him. It’s not often he’s on the receiving end of a near-miss in close combat. He looks over your shoulder and you can see something pass between him and Aaron. 

Maybe one day, Derek will know how much Aaron loves and respects him. 

You watch Derek shake it off and stumble as he attempts to rise to his feet. 

Today is not that day. 

Coming to your senses, you trot forward and help him to his feet, brushing wayward asphalt off of him. You turn back to Aaron. “Everything alright?” 

He ignores you, pressing the mic at his chest as he begins to run back toward the station. “Prentiss, what’s your status?”

+++

Seeing Will and Emily leave the building in one piece is a relief. You meet Aaron’s gaze and his eyes are exhausted. The gears in his head still whir. He’s still in game-mode, and it’s a good thing. 

With the logistical nightmare of two bomb threats in one day, there’s a lot of work ahead of you. 

+++

You swing back and forth in your desk chair, brain completely numb from the paperwork. It’s been a long day, and you’ve been up since three this morning, what with your flight back from California. You’re certain you’ve had longer days than this one, but you’re approaching twenty-one hours without sleep and it feels worse than you remember. 

What were we planning to do today?

A bike ride and museum day with Jack seems impossibly long ago. Last week, maybe.

Derek and Emily sit on their desks, attempting to keep a conversation going without much luck. 

They were house-hunting this morning. 

Penelope slowly descends the stairs as Spencer turns in his seat. “The convention’s still happening tomorrow if you want to go.” 

They were at a convention this morning. 

Everyone had lives this morning. Weird.

She makes an uncertain noise. “That whole city-on-the-brink-of-destruction thing kinda took the wind out of my sails, you know?” 

You look up at her as she takes her place beside Spencer. “It’ll get you every time.” 

“You gotta watch out for that,” Emily adds. It makes you smile a little. 

Derek looks a little less amused, reminding Emily they’ll have to finish the inspection another time. Between Spencer and Penelope, Emily cops to a crack in the foundation of her almost-home. 

“That does not sound good,” Penelope says. You can’t help but agree. 

There’s a weird look on Derek’s face, but you ignore it in favor of Strauss’s descent on the stairs. 

“Our unsub,” she says, “is Izzy Rogers. She'll be charged with multiple counts domestically, and our international counterparts will have their turn with her. She will never see the light of day.” A little smile graces her lips. 

You realize with the tiniest of laughs (really - it’s a one on the Aaron Hotchner scale of laugher, which means it’s hardly noticeable to the naked eye) that you don’t hate her or even dislike her as much as you used to. Maybe, you even want her around. 

Don’t push it.  

“I just thought you'd like to know that.” 

The five of you murmur something that sounds like, “Thank you, ma’am.” 

She pulls Derek, probably to kick his ass for something or another and send herself back on your shit list. 

That’s a problem for another time. 

You take Izzy Rogers’s file from Emily, looking over an impressive rap sheet. You’re happy for a few things. 

The first - that Aaron’s not a federal prosecutor anymore. This’ll be a case for the ages. 

The second - you’ll never have to think about her again. 

The third - you’re not sure. You’re sleep-deprived. It’ll come to you. 

She cost me my precious eight hours and I’ll never forgive her. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Aaron leave his office. You set the file down and look up at him, halfway-hoping for once he’ll tell you to go home without him. 

“Dave wants to know if everyone is free tomorrow night.” 

Without any inflection at all, you reply. “We better not be doing anything tomorrow night.” 

“Well,” Derek says, interrupting Emily’s snort. “If he’s buying, then I’m definitely in.” 

Emily, Spencer, and Penelope jump onto Derek’s conditional acceptance and a rare smile pulls at Aaron’s face, his dimples on full display. 

“Hear that? We’re in.” 

+++

When you get home, Aaron all-but carries you to bed. With the tenderest of hands, he removes your shoes and socks, unbuttons your pants, slides them down your legs, and throws them in the laundry basket. 

You’re practically wilting where you sit, feeling more and more like a sleepy toddler by the minute. 

Aaron unbuttons your shirt and slips it off your shoulders, kissing each cheek in turn. “I’ll start a shower.” 

You move to protest, but he strips and that mostly shuts you up. He starts the water before he returns to your side.

“I just want to sleep, Aar. Please.” 

“Baby,” he says, a fond little pleading note in his tone. “We just changed the sheets. Do you really want to get semtex all over them?” 

With a huff - “No.” 

He smiles and helps you to your feet. “Didn’t think so.” 

You’re so tired, it doesn't even cross your mind to take advantage of the shared shower or his lack of clothes. By the time he dries you off, tucks you in, and locks the bedroom door to ward off the over-eager six-year-old down the hall, you’re asleep. 

His own exhaustion pulling at him, he doesn’t have the time or energy to cherish how peaceful, safe, and warm you look. He just draws you close to him until he can feel your heartbeat. 

Sleep takes him rapidly after that. 

+++

As Will and JJ exchange their vows, you tuck further into Aaron’s arms. His whisper floats past your ear, barely audible. “Wanna do that sometime?”

“What? Get married?” Your voice is just as quiet. 

“Mhmm.”

“Only if it’s you.”

There’s a kiss pressed to your temple with a smile behind it. “I think I can make that happen.”

You turn your head to the side to keep your snark from carrying. “Please don’t propose to me right now. This weekend’s been long enough.”

Derek kicks the side of your foot from where he stands beside you, unable to hear the conversation but knowing you both well enough to keep you from tumbling down the rabbit hole of distraction. 

Aaron presses another kiss to your temple. “I love you.” You feel it rather than hear it.

You pick up one of his hands and kiss the back of it. You don’t need to say anything. 

+++

Aaron holds you close as you dance together, surrounded by your family. JJ and Will sway back and forth nearby, wrapped entirely in each other. Erin and Dave have been surprisingly brave, dancing and laughing quietly together throughout the evening. 

As nice as it was to just have something for the two of you, sharing your love with your family has its own set of perks. You don’t have to hide anymore or justify your pigheaded protection of the other. 

You can just… be. 

+++

Eventually, Dave calls all the “...fortunately unmarried individuals to the dance floor,” and refuses to let anyone slip through the cracks. 

When Aaron hangs back, drink in-hand and a little smile on his face, Dave calls him out. “Divorcés and widowers, too, c’mon.” He pauses, finding another tactic when Aaron doesn’t move. “If you’re both, you get extra points!” 

Aaron rolls his eyes and you look around, finding an inappropriate amount of humor in JJ’s confused relatives. You can’t help but bark a loud laugh when you see how hard Derek’s trying to keep his mirth at bay.

Too soon for the dead wife jokes? He seems to ask. Can I laugh? 

Something in your eyes gives him tacit permission and he nearly blinds you with his smile. 

When Dave’s tricks fall short, you do your best to pull Aaron from the sideline with your best set of bedroom eyes. He courageously resists, so you give up and settle next to Anderson. “What do you think Dave’s come up with, this time?” 

“God only knows.” 

Anderson, like the rest of you, knows that Dave’s hosting abilities know no bounds. 

“Because so many of you are joyfully unmarried, the newlyweds wanted to make sure there was someone else to suffer the slings and arrows of matrimony with them in the near future. Thus,” he opens his arm to JJ, who appears with her bouquet and a smile, “the bouquet toss will be an equal-opportunity event.” 

With a laugh and a shake of your head, you prepare to duck out of the way. 

You look over at Aaron. This is ridiculous. 

He only shakes his head, hiding his smile behind his drink. And yet…

He leaves the rest of the implication unsaid, but you flip him off for good measure. Your exchange must have taken longer than you thought because before you know it, you have a face full of white roses. It’s over. 

You pull the flowers from your face and level JJ with a glare across the dance floor. “Really?” 

She raises her eyebrows and shrugs. “I turned my back and everything.” 

There are whoops and hollers from your team and you can only roll your eyes. Derek and Will strong-arm Aaron onto the dance floor (you know he let them - if he really wanted to avoid you, they wouldn’t be able to move him an inch), where you’re both cajoled into a kiss and a photo. Penelope’s on the other side of the camera, grinning from ear to ear. 

She waves at Aaron over the camera. “Smile for real, damn you!” 

She amends, adding, “Sir,” for good measure. It has its intended effect and she’s rewarded with a rare, bright laugh from her unit chief. 

Absurd traditions aside, you’d be lying if said you stopped smiling even once. 

+++

As the party settles, some couples stay out on the dance floor, sedately twirling and swaying to the music that continues to play across the yard. 

You and Aaron have relaxed significantly since the Great Bouquet Debacle, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, the top two buttons of his shirt undone. You’re sitting across his lap, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, with one of his arms wrapped around your middle and the other draped over your knees - the picture of relaxation. 

Penelope, Derek, Emily, and Will have taken up residence on the other side of the dance floor, their heads close together and voices low.

Aaron’s eyes slide over them as he watches the room, scanning out of habit. “What do you think they’re talking about?”

You lean further into him as four pairs of eyes flicker over to you before returning to their huddle. “Us, probably.” 

He hums, understanding and pensive. “Probably our sex life, right?” 

“Probably,” you sigh, playing at boredom. He covers your hand with one of his and you play with his fingers - lacing, unlacing, kissing his knuckles. 

It’s nice to feel safe, comfortable enough to love each other where curious eyes can see you. 

You can feel his smile against your forehead as he presses a kiss between your brows.  

“I mean,” you continue, “there is a lot to talk about.”

He shrugs, adjusting his arm where it lays across your legs to keep you both comfortable in the seat you share. “That’s true enough. Though, I can’t imagine any of their projections being right.”

+++

“I bet they’re into like…tantric sex. Like hours and hours and hours you know?” Penelope says, conspiracy the top note in her tone. 

Derek looks at her and she backtracks, only a little on the defensive. 

“What? Spencer’s talked to me about it before and I...read.” 

He rolls his eyes, but Emily spares Penelope from any further interrogation. 

“I could see that.” She watches the way your fingers wander over Aaron’s bare forearm, playing with the ridges of his watch, the way his thumb absent-mindedly draws small circles on your outer thigh. “Yeah, actually I think that’s exactly what happens.”

+++

“What do you think they’ve got so far?” 

He plays at boredom. “They’re probably trying to take a guess at anything they can reach - with both of our profiles in Derek’s pocket, he’s going to have the most luck, I think.” 

“Really?” You ask. “Not Emily?” 

He snorts. “No. She has her mind on other things.” 

That holds you up for a second, and you’re not sure if he’s still playing into the bit. “Wait, what do you mean?” 

He shakes his head. “I’ll tell you later.” 

“She’s resigning, isn’t she?” You give up the fun and lay your head in the crook between his neck and shoulder. 

Without thinking, his hand rises to your cheek, affectionately brushing over your cheekbone before dropping back down. “She might be.” 

“Did she do that thing where she sighs really big and then looks off to the upper right middle distance?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Shit.” 

You’re both quiet for a moment, just enjoying the low lull of the music and the lights and the sights and smiles of your family. 

“Hey.” 

You lean back a little and meet Aaron’s eyes. “Yeah?” 

“What’s my tell?” 

The concern drops out of your face all at once. “You think I’m gonna spill just like that so you can go and change it on me? Not a chance.” 

He sighs and his chin tips up in defeat. “So I have one?” 

“Of course you do, stupid.” You flick his chest and a laugh rumbles through him. “Everyone does. You know mine, I know yours. You’re gonna have to get over it.” 

“So you’ve caught me in lies before?” He asks, not without humor. 

“Duh. I’m pretty sure I’ve caught every lie you’ve ever told, but you seemed so proud of yourself that I just let you have it.” 

You can almost feel the eye roll. “Really?” He sounds skeptical. “Name one lie you’ve caught me in.” 

“Alright.” You count off on your fingers. “You dinged my car door a couple of weeks ago, you definitely didn’t drop the bags at Goodwill, you do know it wasn’t Jack who finished the ice cream in the freezer, you -” 

“Okay.” He covers your hands with his and kisses your fingers. “That’s enough. I get it.” 

You kiss his cheek. “I’m sure you’ve caught me in every single lie I’ve ever told, too, huh?” 

“Only every once since the day we met. Yours is obvious.” 

It’s a trap. You don’t take it. “Hmm. That’s convenient.” 

“Isn’t it?” 

You lean back to look at him. “You’re a shit, you know that?” 

He nods and raises his eyebrows, a cheeky, close-mouthed smile slowly creeping across his face. 

You playfully smack his chest with the back of your hand. “Fucker.” 

He says something under his breath and you level him with a look that has him repeating himself. 

“I said, you wish.” 

You roll your eyes and tuck back into his neck, kissing the skin above his collar. You can feel him shiver and you know you’ve got him. “Not just wish, honey. Know.” 

+++

tagging: @writefasttalkevenfaster @arganfics @quillvine @stxrryspencer @hurricanejjareau @ughitsbaby @rousethemouse @criminalsmarts @genevievedarcygranger @ssaic-jareau @davidrossi-ismydad @angelsbabey @hotchsflower @hotchslatte @risenfox @mrs-dr-reid @captain-christopher-pike @dwellingsofrosie @pan-pride-12 @sunshine-em @word-scribbless @jdougl-love @dreila03 @forgottenword @aaronhotchnerr @ssa-morgan @sana-li @tegggeeee @abschaffer2 @ssacandice-ray @ellyhotchner @lotties-journey-abroad @mrs-joel-pimentel-23-25 @mooneylupinblack @ssareidbby @bwbatta @wakatoshislover @capricorngf @missdowntonabbey @averyhotchner @mandylove1000 @qvid-pro-qvo @jeor @spencers-hoodrat @popped-weasels @evee87 @nuvoleincielo @this-broken-band-girl @reidtomestyles @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @winqhster @arthurmorrgans @the-falling-in-the-danger @iconicc @mangoberry43 @andreasworlsboring101 @mac99martin @itsalwaysb33nyou @baumarvel @kerrswriting @messyhairday-me @ssworldofsw  @deagibs @crazyshannonigans @moonshinerbynight @jhiddles03 @teamhappyme @mendesmelodies @starsandasteroids @unicorn-bitch @ambicaos @bispences @thebivirgin

[motherjoel]

you like me (spencer reid x reader)

summary: you unfortunately run out of tampons and theres only one person who can bring you some

a/n: i get terrible cramps on my period so this is honestly based off of personal experience

wc: 2.5k

tw: vomiting

-

“Are you sure you can’t make it Y/N? Girls night won't be the same without you,” Penelope begged through the phone. You could almost hear her pout.

“I’m sorry Pen, I really can’t. My uterus is seriously trying to kill me right now and I am in no position to put on a tight dress and do shots,” you laughed into the phone. Penelope sighed.

“Okay, I guess that's a reasonable excuse. I hope you feel better soon, my love. I’ll call you tomorrow to make sure you’re okay,” she said. You loved how sweet Penelope was, and although she was upset you couldn’t make it, she most definitely understood. 

She let you go soon after that, so you decided to turn on the TV to take your mind off of the pain in your stomach. Your cramps tended to get so bad that it was difficult to walk- you sometimes even got dizzy. You decided however to brave the pain, going into your bathroom to look for some medicine to possibly end your suffering. Your heart dropped when you remembered you had left your bottle at work in your go-bag. Your heart dropped a second time when you couldn’t find any more tampons.

“Shit, shit shit,” you said to yourself, sitting on the bathroom floor and moaning in pain. Thankfully, your phone was in your pocket. You pulled it out and scrolled through your contacts, trying to decide on who to call. You didn’t want to disturb the girls night out, so you couldn’t call Pen, JJ or Emily. For obvious reasons, you decided against calling Rossi or Hotch, and you didn’t think Derek knew the first thing about menstruation. As much as you didn’t want to call your best friend and (not so) tiny work crush, he seemed like the best option at this point. Pushing your embarrassment aside, you hit the call button and let it ring.

“Hey Y/N, whats up?” Spencer asked. You would’ve internally squealed at his cute voice if you weren’t about to pass out from pain.

“Spence, hi,” you answered, said pain evident in your voice. Little did you know, Spencer felt his heart stutter at your use of the nickname “Spence.” 

“Is everything okay?” he asked, slightly worried at your pained inflection.

“Well, not really,” you sighed, pushing aside your embarrassment at your situation. “I’m currently having my time of the month and I have come to realize I am completely out of…. tampons. And medicine,” you blushed and so did he. “I was wondering if… you could possibly pick some up for me?” you asked, fingers crossed. He didn’t even have to contemplate for a second.

“Of course, give me 10 minutes,” he said before hanging up. You looked at your phone in awe before you were hit with another wave of nausea. Doubled over the toilet, your peanut butter and jelly sandwich from an hour ago made a guest appearance.

-

You had yet to move from the bathroom floor when you heard a quick knock on your door.

“It’s open!” you yelled, soon hearing the rustling of bags and footsteps following your voice. Spencer looked down at you with pity, setting the bag down on the ground and sitting next to you.

“Thank you, Spence, you really saved me,” you said, taking the bag from him and looking inside. You saw not only a box of tampons and some tylenol, but a bar of your favorite chocolate and a heating pad. 

“My mom used to make my dad get her chocolate, when they were still, you know…” he trailed off, not wanting to mention his parents' early separation. You felt bad about his eidetic memory for once- that he had to remember even the bad things. 

“Did you know that menstrual cravings are caused by hormonal imbalances? It’s theorized that the drop in your progesterone and estrogen cause an increase in hunger,” he explained, speaking with his hands. You couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation.

“What?” he asked, a confused smile on his face.

“It’s just… I'm sitting here on my bathroom floor with my coworker, who is incredibly sweet for doing this by the way, while I basically die from period cramps 10 minutes after throwing up,” you continued to laugh- Spencer just looked concerned.

“You threw up?” he asked, worry written on his face. You nodded, opening the box of tampons as Spencer walked into your kitchen.

“You need to eat something. I’m making you toast,” he yelled from the kitchen. You smiled and shut the bathroom door, taking care of business.

You brought the bag of medicine, chocolate, and the heating pad with you onto your couch. You plugged in the heating pad and held it close as you curled into the fetal position. After a few minutes, Spencer came into the room with a plate of toast and a cup of green tea, your favorite. You smiled and accepted the plate, taking the medicine with the tea and sitting back. Spencer continued to stand in front of you awkwardly, fidgeting with his hands slightly. You wordlessly patted the couch, motioning for him to sit down, which he did.

“Thank you again for this Spence, you really went out of your way,” you said, hoping he knew how thankful you were for his kindness. 

“Of course, anything for you Y/N,” he said, trying to mask his blush after he realized how intimate that sounded.

“So… did I ruin your Friday night plans?” you asked, hoping he didn’t have anything to do.

“Oh, no,” he started, and you were relieved. “Well, I had a date, but-”

“You had a date?!” you yelled, hitting him on the arm. 

“Ow! Yes, I did. Is that so hard to believe?” he asked, grabbing his arm.

“Well of course not Spence, you’re a catch,” you told him, and he blushed. “What’s hard to believe is that you ditched it for me! I would’ve been fine!” you lied, which was evident on your face. 

“Y/N. You so wouldn’t have been fine!” he laughed, and you began to speak before he continued. “I saw a... friend in need and I helped them. Besides, I wasn’t really even interested in her,” Spencer said, looking at his fidgeting hands.

“Why did you agree to go out with her if you weren’t interested?” you asked, wondering why the genius, a man of reason, would waste his time.

“Morgan set us up,” he started, and you nodded immediately understanding- when Morgan was trying to set someone up, he was relentless until you agreed. “He thought she’d help me get my mind off of… nevermind,” he blushed, seemingly accidentally saying too much. Your heart cracked a bit at the thought of your crush having feelings for someone else, but you continued to pry.

“Ohh I see. Who’s the lucky girl?” you asked, with a bit of an edge.

“I can’t tell you that Y/N,” he answered, avoiding eye contact. You pouted for a moment. “Besides, I think she just sees me as just a friend,” he continued, disappointment on his face. It hurt you to see him upset but you couldn’t help but feel relief that he wasn’t about to be taken anytime soon.

“Well, I guess you can say I’m in the same position as you,” you confessed, not going into any more detail. His face visibly dropped at this- he seemed disappointed, but you were sure you were overthinking things.

“Well Y/N, any guy would be lucky to have you,” he said softly, finally making eye contact. Maybe it was your hormones, or maybe you were just feeling cuddly, but you scooched over to him and wrapped your arms around his torso, resting your head on his chest. He raised his arms in surprise at first, before wrapping them around you. 

“You smell good,” you told him, before regretting it immediately and blushing profusely. You could hear his heartbeat, which may have been at an elevated pace. You pulled away and he looked a bit disappointed.

“Would you… would you stay with me for a bit Spence?” you looked up at him, stars in your eyes. 

“Of course,” he said softly. You sighed with content before another wave of cramps set in. You groaned and clutched the heating pad, once again in the fetal position. Spencer felt helpless, just watching you in pain. In a movement that surprised both him and you, he leaned behind you and wrapped his arms around you, basically spooning you. You were too in pain to react, but the feeling of his warm chest on your back had the ability to simultaneously soothe and excite you. He rubbed circles on your arm with his hand and you could feel your heart rate spike. You hoped he couldn’t see the blush rising on your face. 

“This is nice,” you mumbled, earning a soft hum from Spencer behind you. Before you knew it, you fell into one of the best sleeps of your life with your long time crush.

-

The next morning, you woke to whispering from the one and only Penelope Garcia. You opened your eyes to see yourself face to face with Spencer- you must have turned around during the night and cuddled into his chest. Your face felt hot when you noticed he was still asleep- you slowly untangled yourself from him and stood up to greet Penelope, who had apparently put her spare key to your apartment to good use. 

“I called it!” Penelope said, half to you and half to Derek, who was currently facetiming her. You shushed her and dragged her into the kitchen, Spencer still fast asleep on the couch.

“So that's why you ditched us last night!” she laughed, mouth wide open in shock.

“I didn’t know the kid had it in him!” Derek said from the phone. You were confused.

“What do you mean?” you took the phone from Penelope. 

“You mean… Reid didn't… tell you anything?” he asked.

“No, I… I ran out of tampons last night and I called him to bring me some, I guess we just fell asleep on the couch,” you explained. He cringed when you said tampons.

“Why didn’t you ask me princess?” he inquired with a smirk.

“Derek, you almost passed out when I said ‘tampons’” you told him, he just shook his head. Penelope took the phone back from you just as Spencer walked into the kitchen. 

“Oh hey, what are you doing here Garcia?” he asked, yawning mid sentence.

“I’m just here to drop off some pastries for my lovely Y/N to make her feel better. Although i'm sure you don’t need much help with that G man,” she said with a wink. You and Spencer avoided eye contact like two high schoolers with a crush. “Well, I guess i'll be on my way!” she announced, hugging you both and speedily leaving your apartment, which was odd- if anything, Garcia tends to overstay her welcome. 

“Those smell good,” you said, walking over to the bag from your favorite bakery. He mirrored your actions, seemingly hungry as well.

 You both ate the pastries in silence for a few minutes when you noticed Spencer had a bit of icing on his chin. Without thinking you reached up and wiped it with your finger, licking it off your thumb. He stood there, with his mouth open for a moment before his cheeks turned red. When you noticed his embarrassed reaction you immediately regretted it.

“Oh im sorry, I forgot you have a thing with touching Spence,” you apologized.

“No no, it’s okay. I don’t mind when it’s you,” he confessed, finally meeting your eyes for the first time that morning. You nodded and continued to eat your breakfast, ignoring the flutter in your heart. 

“So, about last night…” you brought up the elephant in the room. “It was really nice,” you confessed, remembering the feeling of his arms around you. 

“Y/N, what I’m about to say is either really stupid of me or the smartest i’ve ever been, but, I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time,” he confessed, your astonishment written on your face. “And- and not in a friendly way,” he said, before frowning. “Well that sounded, wrong, of course it was ‘friendly,’ but I meant it as more than… that,” he finished, biting his lip. Your mouth was open, surprised at his confession.

“Oh, Spence-” you started before being interrupted.

“I probably shouldn’t have said that, but I couldn’t hold it in any longer Y/N, you just made me so flustered and when I saw you hurting last night it hurt me too, so i thought it was a good opportunity to get close to you. Not that I was taking advantage of you! God that sounds bad, uh,” he made a face, trying to think of a better way to word it. You just wrapped your arms around his midsection, much like you had done the night before, and held him tight. He smelled like apples and coffee. You lifted your head to look up at him, arms still around his waist. 

“Spencer, I’ve liked you for a very long time,” you laughed. “I’m surprised you didn’t realize sooner, I mean I thought it was obvious when I always sleep on your shoulder during jet rides or when I bring you coffee like every day, or when I-” you were interrupted by his soft lips on yours. Your eyes widened before they closed, and you moved your hands to the sides of his face, his hands on your waist. He pulled away, leaving you in a daze.

“Sorry, I’ve just been wanting to do that for awhile,” he smiled softly. 

“Oh, uh, no problem,” you replied, still flustered from the kiss. “You like me,” you teased, poking his arm and giggling like a 13 year old.

“Well so do you!” he laughed, poking you in the stomach. Your eyes darkened with mischief and so did his. Before you knew it, the two of you were on your apartment floor, tickling each other's ribs. Spencer eventually got the high ground, straddling you and relentlessly tickling you until you couldn’t breath. He stopped after a moment, looking down at you in awe, before you grabbed him by his collar and pulled him in for another quick kiss. 

“Penelope’s gonna be so excited,” you giggled.

“Oh yeah, her and Morgan will finally stop teasing me about liking you,” he said, standing up from his position over you and holding out a hand to help you up. 

You spent the rest of the day with him cuddling on your couch and alternating between playing cards and watching shitty reality TV (which he got surprisingly invested in), and it was arguably one of the best days of your life. And you knew from the way that Spencer kept stealing loving glances at you, he felt the same.

[morceid]

Maple Leaves and Moving In

SPENCER REID X DEREK MORGAN

read on ao3

Summary: Derek and Spencer move in together in mid-September.

Word Count: 936

Category: fluff

Content Warnings: none :)

A/N: happy fall everyone!!

“Spencer!” Derek exclaimed as he got out of the car, “You’re gonna hurt yourself carrying all of those boxes, let me do it.”

“Fine, but I have to tell you where to put them!”

After a year and a half of dating, Derek had finally asked Spencer to move in. Derek wrote a whole speech and took Spencer out to a fancy dinner just for her to blurt out “Yes!” as soon as he asked. Spencer let him finish his speech anyway, letting his words make her smile until her face hurt.

Derek carried the box, marked with Spencer’s threadbare handwriting, into his newly finished development and up into Spencer’s new study, designed specifically for her. Bookshelves ran all the way up and down the walls, with a moveable ladder attached. Spencer followed behind him with a second box, marked “stuffed animals.” She places it in a small nook in the corner, where she plans to put a bright blue bean bag chair.

“Alright, a moving truck is coming in later with all of the furniture I ordered, how about you put up all of your books and I’ll get the rest of the boxes from the car?” 

Spencer nodded and rolled up the sleeves of her sweater. She opened up the box Derek had brought in and took out all of the books. She organized them alphabetically, got up on the ladder, and started placing all of the books on the shelf. When Derek came in with another two boxes of books she organized those as well. By the time she was done, Derek had ordered take out for the two of them.

They sat down on the floor of the new study and began eating together, watching the late october sun go down through the large window on the left wall.

“I have to fly out tomorrow to Washington to give a speech. Are you gonna be okay here by yourself? I know it’s your day off.” 

“Yeah, I’m sure I can find something to do with all these boxes,” Spencer smiled, “I just wish you could stay, it would be amazing if we could have a halloween themed housewarming party!”

“Ah, that would be pretty great.”

They finished their meal and shortly after the moving van came into their driveway. Derek and the moving men brought in all of the furniture, including the rest of Spencer’s books and her bean bag chair. While Derek set up the king sized bed on the second floor Spencer arranged her stuffed animals all around the bean bag chair.

“You’re getting settled in pretty fast,” Derek said when he came down the stairs and into the study, seeing Spencer cuddled up with a book in her corner.

“Yeah,” Spencer smiles, “It’ll be less homey without you tomorrow, so I figure I should get used to it for now.”

“Come on sweet girl, I don’t have to go until early tomorrow, we should spend as much time together as possible.”

“Okay, I guess,” Spencer smiles up at her boyfriend and moves to the side, letting him settle next to her in the blue bean bag chair.

The two cuddle together in the comfy chair, and at some point while Derek is running his fingers through Spencer’s hair and as she’s reading, the two fall asleep next to each other.

In the morning, Spencer wakes up alone. A little sad, she sees that her book had been placed on the table next to her, a bookmark on the page she had been reading. She got up from the bean bag and observed the books around her. She mentally prepared herself for the day ahead and went into the kitchen.

She made herself a quick breakfast of toast, eggs, and bacon, along with a small bowl of fruit. After eating, she went back into the study and began sorting the books one by one. On each shelf she organized them alphabetically and by length. She ended up finishing up right around lunch time, and after eating her second meal of the day she went up to the bedroom and sorted some of the boxes in there, then the bathroom, and so on.

In the living room she found a box labeled “Holidays.” Upon opening it, she found a bundle of fake autumn leaves, miniature pumpkins, along with other assorted seasonal decorations. With a new burst of energy, Spencer called Penelope.

Many hours later, specifically around 11:30, Derek sluggishly carried his suitcase up to the new house, stopping to look around at the browning and yellowing leaves on the ground. A symbol of change.

When he walked into the house he saw that there were still boxes around the house, however most of them were empty now. He set his suitcase on the ground and walked into the living room.

“Spence?”

Out of seemingly nowhere, Spencer jumped up behind him, wrapping her arms around his neck in a hug. The lights turned on, showing the fall decorations all around the house. 

“Hey there sweet girl, I see you’ve been working hard.”

“Mhm, Penny came over and helped, but it was mostly me,” Spencer smiled proudly.

“Well you two did an amazing job, it looks great,” Derek kissed her on the forehead, “Let’s both get to bed now, yeah?”

Spencer nodded and they held hands and walked up the stairs. They settled into the flowery sheets together and cuddled, Spencer nuzzled into Derek’s neck.

“Spence?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you. I’m glad that you feel safe enough to live with me.”

“I love you too Derek.”

“Goodnight, my butterfly.”

“Goodnight, my love.”

TAGLIST:  @garceids @moss0ntherocks @scandinavian-punk @queuecode @4x24 @izzyl13 @leomo0n @tiedyedrose1705 @harpersequoia​ @tenelvez​ @wifeyprentiss​ @moreidsdaughter​ @sapphicalexblake​

[leahseclipse]

Confessions, surprises and joyful events

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Summary: What worse thing could happen other than calm and nice coffee dates when the genius resident happens to forget items when suddenly called in, causing their secret to come out?

Warnings: Mentions of losing someone, death (not concerning any of the characters); usual cm stuff, but otherwise, its just fluff

Category: Fluff

Word count: 13.5k

A/N: And here’s the last fic of this ‘kinda’ series!!! yesh I know the summary sucks LMAO, but- I hope you guys will like it, I apologize if some moments are ehhh, especially towards the end, I’ve been working on it for a while and as the total is 25k, I really had no other idea, I really drained them all into that massive one- 

And that one is still attached to the prevs fics I had wrote for the fic swap for @sunlight-moonrise​ :)

 Continuation of Dear diary, and Souvenirs, secrets and coffee dates

This night went better than expected. We didn’t go to bed at 2 -for once-, but around 11:30 PM, so even if it’s still late, it’s better than nothing.

Considering all of the stuff we have to do today, and probably in the next few days, we couldn’t allow ourselves to go to bed at the hour people usually get up for work, such as 6AM...or more.

And it would also be a lie to say that we didn’t go to bed at this hour once.

Nonetheless, we both were excited about the activities of the day, and if I’m not wrong, we’re at our fourth coffee mission-date. 

Yeah, none of us figured out a proper and official title for it, so we’ve just been altering between dates and mission. 

At the same time, it’s a date, it’s been a while since we haven’t got to have a moment to ourselves, and it’s also -as said- a mission. We like to set small challenges, especially when we happen to have time like this week.

Talking about this week, I have to admit that not receiving a call has stayed quite surprising, even now. Before we had the idea of doing our coffee dates, I had just come back from almost two weeks of work. 

I had been away for a week, had just three days of ‘vacation time’, and had been called back for another week. So, I think that it's not weird at all to be surprised, all of us probably are.

I just hope they won’t decide to have a party or something, because I can never find myself to refuse and find a proper excuse that doesn’t raise suspicions, now that I have a girlfriend.

I can’t believe that I almost used Ethan as an excuse to not attend once, and the idiot I am forgot he happened to be in New Orleans at this time.

Basically all planes were cancelled because of the weather, and if I had happened to let his name slip, as they probably know that I know him, they would have wanted to know more...especially Penelope. 

And the idiot I still am would have tried to find another excuse, that -of course- would have miserably failed as well.

I just hope we’ll get to have a few more days before I eventually get called back, it’d be nice. 

It’d also be nice if I would stop to think about a possible call, because if y/n would hear me she’d complain about me bringing bad luck. 

Normally as it is only some superstitions, it doesn’t happen, but again -as expected-, last time when I had said that a possible call was coming, I received one just two days later.

So, I think that I’m gonna pass on this subject.

I also wish I didn’t have to be the one responsible for waking her up; she’s...quite difficult when it comes to that, and most of the time, we’ll either end up being 30 minutes late, or just not go where we had to at all.

But since what we were supposed to do was important, she really had to get up, even if I had to drag her out of the bed.

“Y/N, come on, I’ve been trying to get you out of the bed since nine, and even gave you twenty minutes more.”

“Jus’ a bit more…”

“Alright, I’ll go to the library all day then.”

“No, you’re stayin’ with me.” She said, as she sat up and grabbed my sleeve. 

“You want me to help you get ready?”

“Mhm.”

“Okay, give me your hand.” I extended mine, as she lazily took it. “There you go sleepy head.” 

“I’m not a sleepy head. It’s my morning head, that’s all.”

“Your morning head is a sleepy one.”

“No, it’s a well-rested one.”

“Okay, you won the fight.”

“I always win arguments.” She proudly announced, while she got up, stretching up a bit. “So...are we going to the one we saw on internet yesterday, it really had good reviews, and a nice website, which is...a good sign usually.”

“Yeah, it is. It really sounded nice, plus I think I’ve heard about it from other people, and they’ve had pretty good experiences. I say we go for it, might as well enjoy it before...work calls again.”

“You’re going to bring us bad luck, stop with that.”

“It counts for you as well. You mentioned it yesterday.”

“...I didn’t.”

“You did.”

“No, I’m sure your brain is tricking you.”

“Once again, I am sure it’s not. I know my brain well, and it never lies.”

“Pff, you know your brain? I’ve never heard such a ridiculous thing.”

“Says the-girl-who-forgets-her-stuff.”

“Hey! Don’t use that nickname, the diary story was an accident.”

“You didn’t trust yourself enough that you had to give me your number.”

“No, it wasn’t for that, I just wanted to chat.”

“Even years later, you still lie.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Mhm.”

“Okay, one more remark, and instead of going out, I’m making you clean my whole apartment for a week.”

“...I’m going to get ready.”

“That’s what I thought genius.”

“Why am I being called ‘genius’ when I’m not supposed to call you ‘the-girl-who-forgets-her-stuff?’, hm?” I joked.

“Everyone calls you genius at work, see it as a third name.”

“Then if what I call you is your name, it’s kind of long. Y/N, Y/M/N, the-girl-who-forgets-her-stuff, Y/L/N.”

“Okay, if I stop using genius, will you stop with that?”

“...maybe.” I answered, as she hit me with her shirt. “Okay, okay! I’ll stop!”

“You’re really nice when you want, see?”

“I’m not a puppy either.”

“You have puppy eyes, same stuff.” She briefly said.

“Who says?”

“Me.” 

“Only you is not enough to be convincing.”

“Who says?” She repeats.

“Do you want me to get the excuse I took at the library?”

“Which?” Y/N asked, visibly confused.

“That you had to be more polite, else, I won’t listen.”

“I’m going to warm up the car.” She grabs the keys, changing the subject.

“I love to mess with you.”

“Shut up.” She says before leaving, earning a sneaky laugh from me.

++

When I had gotten out of the building after a few minutes, I swore that Y/N could have left without me if I would have tried to mess with her again.

She didn’t though, but she warned me (jokingly, she had said…), that she wouldn’t have hesitated a bit.

In most cases, she really isn’t kidding, and wasn’t at all this time.

The only thing I got when I had gotten in the car was a hit on the arm, that...kinda still hurt for a bit even after a few minutes. 

But, we both know it wasn’t serious. We often do that, and we usually make jokes like ‘I’m going to murder you and pretend someone killed you in the night’, ‘I’m gonna have Hotch yell at you by making you late’, or even, her favorite one, ‘I’m gonna steal your phone and announce our relationship.’.

Which….when it was told after a few months we began dating, would stop the teasing from me, and end in a fit of laughter, as we would discuss it; and jump to other subjects.

That joke is less...uncomfortable, or the kind to stop the conversation, as we really talked about it, and kind of planned to say it before we’d end up married with two kids.

I know that they’ll be happy whether I announce it while she’s my girlfriend, or my wife, and mother of my kids, but still, it’s been a while, and I think that they deserve to know, they’re like family to me. 

Even my mother, who had just met them a few times, appreciates them a lot.

But once they’ll know, Y/N will have to prepare herself; because she’s gonna receive a lot of questions from Garcia, who’s probably going to get her to come as often as possible; some messages from the team, a lot of invitations, because to be honest, they’ll all be really surprised that I got a girlfriend, and as it’s been a while, they’ll have a lot to ask and tell.

I just hope that they won’t...mention what happened in my early days.

Some stories are kind of embarrassing, and not really nice to recall to me.

Knowing Morgan’s, he’s either going to mention what happened with Lila Archer, or the gun qualification that I failed (but, that I got, after I shot between a guy’s eyes in one shot, so this story will only be half bad). 

...he could also tell both.

But, I know for sure that they’ll welcome her with open arms. They’ll really appreciate her.

She’s done a lot for me, and I can really say that she...somehow made my life better, in a way (She says that I’m cheesy, when I say that).

I honestly have no idea what would have happened if she took her diary back before I even got to see it, I would have never paid attention to the shop on my way as usual, I would only go to the library for the usual reason, my life wouldn’t have changed even a bit. 

I like to say that fate has reunited us, but in another way, I like that she happened to be so distracted to the point of forgetting it.

I can’t really imagine having to not see her anymore; we’ve been so used to each other that we constantly have to see each other, and at least hear the other’s voice if I’m at work.

Literally, all of the free time that we have, it’s spent with the other.

We also happen to hang out with our friends, but most of the time; we’re always together.

I noticed that we don’t tend to go outside often, we both prefer to stay outside, and once, we even cancelled plans at the restaurant at the last minute as we were both too lazy to even get ready.

That also happened in the morning; none of us had work, and we decided to spend most of the day in bed, and we didn't do even anything till a few hours, we just talked and cuddled.

So, these coffee dates are kind of a miracle; because knowing our shared laziness, we wouldn’t have done that at all.

It’s our fourth one today, and it's going pretty well.

I’ve thrown facts the whole time, and she didn’t mind.

She actually asked for others, at each of them.

Y/N was totally into it.

And that kind of made me laugh, I even said that she looked like a nerd, or even a teacher’s pet.

That’s why we enjoyed it, we laughed a lot during those, and actually planned to go outside more, which is...totally crazy.

I don’t know what is happening to us, but, some miracle fought off our laziness, and now, we’re going outside a lot.

Our coffee dates also made y/n drive more.

She would never touch the wheel, unless if it was at 1am for emergency snacks, and now, she insists every time.

I think I’ve only driven at the first, but not fully, as she took over on the way back.

We’ve also discovered a lot of coffee shops, I’ve walked in front of some, but never actually went inside. 

I guess our coffee dates are mainly us, testing out what they have, and when we’ll run out of shops; we’ll basically try to choose the best.

She even purchased a notebook for us to put our ratings in.

I really never saw her taking something so seriously.

She also created another folder on her phones, with a lot of pics. The majority of them have my face, and she took most of them when I was looking away.

Y/N mentioned that she really likes my side profile, which at the moment was...kind of weird, but, I got used to it, and even looked on the side on purpose as I knew she’d taken a picture without fail.

I think that she has one where I’m turning around; she didn’t get to take my side profile before I turned, it was kind of blurry, but I insisted on keeping it.

We might print the pictures and make a scrapbook at this point; it would be fun.

I know she’ll like the idea.

“Okay, so...are we ordering one of the basics, or are we going a bit fancy today?” Y/N asked.

“Go for the fancy option, that’ll change.”

“Alright, you go get settled, and I’ll be right back.” She said, kissing my nose at “right”. I always like that.

She knows every single thing that makes me happy. It’s kind of crazy, she almost knows me better than I do.

I’m also pretty sure she knows that I hate when she goes away, even if she’s two meters away, and is going to come back in just a bit.

I just really like to be with her, and this might be childish or something, but I almost got her late once because I didn’t want her to go yet once.

At least I won’t have to do that this week. None of us have work, and I just have to hope I won’t be called in.

I’m the only one that could completely cancel our plans, and even though I know she won’t be angry as we managed to get five days without a call disturbing us, it’ll still somehow leave a bitter feeling.

She told me to stop worrying, and just, enjoy the moment, but I just can’t help but think about it, and even though she’s not a profiler, she can tell when I’m worrying about something.

So, might as well quit worrying, and just enjoy our dates, because always thinking about the calls might end up bringing us bad luck as she constantly says.

Y/N even has a sticky note on her desk counting how many times I’ve either worried about it, and brought up the subject.

So far...I’ve said it about seven times, and it’ll probably turn to eight if she notices.

“You know, you can say it if there’s something wrong.” 

There goes the possible eighth time.

“Oh, sorry, what did you say?”

“I see it that something is bothering you. Did you prefer us to stay home today?”

“No, no, not at all! I really wanted to go out with you. It’s not the problem.”

“So, what’s the actual problem?”

“You know it.”

“Oh, quit that cellphone. Just smash it on the ground and wait for them to come.”

“You know that’s not how it works.”

“That’s the only wait for you to stop worrying. That’s the eighth time.”

“It’s not even the eighth at this point, it’s the fortieth.”

“Or the hundredth.”

“Yeah, I got it. I worry a lot.”

“I’m not even a profiler and I can just tell like that. Quit your job and let me take your spot, I’m gonna impress them all.”

“Are you going to enjoy the ‘waking up at 4am’, ‘being away for a week’, ‘risking getting killed’ parts though?”

“...not the ‘4am’ one, no.”

“Try applying as a secretary, maybe. It’s calm.”

“If I have enough of my job at the craft job, okay. I’ll make sure to be in the same section. I’m gonna be the best secretary they’ll ever see.”

“You’re going to make us late though. When I’ll have to leave you’re gonna try to get a few more seconds to talk with me.”

“I may.”

“Hotch’s not going to like this.”

“Eh, he won’t say anything. We’re two young people in love, so, if he doesn’t have a rock heart as...you always tell me how strict he’s...he’ll be okay with it.”

“Not if it happens a lot. I tell you. Hotch isn’t kidding when it comes to that. He may accept some occasional late reports, but not a late arrival when we have to immediately go on the field.”

“Okay, then I won’t do it.”

“...one or two times won’t hurt. If we do one a week, and the other two weeks and...a half later, maybe it’ll pass. Who knows?” I suggested.

“I don’t want you to get fired. This job is important.”

“...yeah, kind of.”

“Plus, we have to tell them, at least before you get fired.” She joked.

“If I get fired, I won’t have to tell them as I won’t see them as often as I want. I’ll have another job and we’ll all be busy.”

“It’s kind of smart but...don’t you dare do that. That’s not genius.”

“You suggested something, and I went along with it. You started it, not me.”

“A suggestion isn’t an obligation, or a serious thing. I never forced you to do it. It was only “if”, never said anything serious.”

“You know that I always take you seriously.”

“Too seriously that you couldn’t catch jokes.”

“I understood it, I just played along with you.”

“If I hadn’t interrupted you, it looked like you would have almost done it.”

“I wasn’t going to.”

“Mhm.”

“Did you really think I’d do it?”

“Knowing you...there was a chance you would have done it. A slim one.”

“Really?”

“Yep.” She honestly answered, taking a sip of her coffee as she kept her glance on me.

“I wouldn’t do it, it was only a joke, nothing more. Even if it’s...full of pretty big risks, I still enjoy it.”

“It’s scary as hell, yeah. And even though I’m not with you, I still feel the stress.”

“I have to admit that I scared you...a lot.”

“You bet. The ‘out of battery’ days really scared me.”

“Yeah, sorry for that.”

“It’s okay, I’m not mad. You’re still there, and now we’re on...I still didn’t find a name for it.”

“What was the original name already?” I asked.

“Coffee mission slash dates. Not amazing.”

“We can’t really settle on only one at the same time.”

“We can’t. But at the same moment, we kind of have to choose one.”

“Coffee mission slash dates isn’t the best, but it’s the only thing we could think about, it’s better than not having one.”

“You’re kinda right. It’s okay if we keep that one.”

“I guess so.”

“By the way, as...I see we’re basically done. What are we saying for this one? Do you want to try something else before we write our review?” She asked.

“We can have another one. Only roughly 80 to 100 cups of coffee would turn into a lethal dose, so...it should be okay.”

“It’s kind of morbid, and creepy.”

“It’s still useful to know it.”

“I didn’t need to know that my source of energy can kill me. Now I think that I may have to slow down.”

“It can kill me too. I drink way too much when I’m at work then at home.”

“Imagine that the autopsy guy has to say to your family that you died because of a caffeine overdose. That’d be...either dumb, or embarassing. Gosh, it’s not funny.”

“Yeah, sorry. That fact was just stuck in my head.”

“Choose less morbid ones next time.”

“Don’t worry-”

“Yeah. So, uh, didn’t you say you wanted to try that one too? It sounds cool.”

“Why not, okay.”

“Okay, I’m going. You stay there.”

“But- You don’t have to.”

“I’m going, it’s okay.”

“Pff, ok. You can go.”

“I’ll be right back anyway. Don’t be sad.”

“I’m not sad.”

“Is that so? You should have seen your face.”

“I wasn’t sad.”

“If you say so.” She said, before leaving as she headed to the counter again.

We’re really little kids sometimes.

Maybe that’s why we get along.

We’re more childish than serious most of the time.

On that, we’re kind of equal I’d say, but...it depends.

I’m the childish one these days.

I still haven’t found a way to announce her to them, because...even if I really like them, I still don’t really want to.

It’s mostly for security reasons, with all that happened during my years, I’m kind of afraid.

I’ll have to tell them one day, eventually though.

They’re gonna bug me even more if I wait too much.

“Stop overthinking.” Y/N interrupted, as she set the two cups on the table.

“I can’t.”

“You have to, eventually. If this is about the cellphone, or not having enough dates, or even, that we have to tell them, you have to stop. We already had four, it’s a miracle.”

“To be honest, yeah. I wouldn’t hope we’ll have more.”

“What about we tell them if we get another one?”

“I’m gonna receive a call before.”

“No, we won’t. I’m the one between the two of us that bring us luck. So, we’ll have our fifth one.”

“Okay, we’ll see. Even if I’m not really sure. But, I hope we do though.”

“I can guarantee we’ll have it. Now drink your coffee before it gets cold.”

“Cold coffee isn’t bad.”

“Yes it is! That one isn’t meant to be drunk cold. If it had ice, then yeah.”

“Stop criticizing my choices, it’s not nice!”

“Your choices are so bad that I have to be on your back.”

“You’re not my mom.”

“...you sure about that? I’ve acted as your mom a lot of times because of some of your choices. I don’t even remember them all, there’s so many.”

“Not a lot. That’s why you don’t remember.”

“I don’t have your brain, but I remember some.”

“I’m not that immature, and...irresponsible.”

“Okay, you’re not that immature. I exaggerated.”

“It’s nice of you to admit your mistake.” I joked.

“I’m gonna take my words back, be careful. I might not even wake you up if you get a call. That way you’ll have Hotch yell at you.”

“You’ll make coffee for yourself, that’ll wake me up.”

“How?”

“The smell of coffee can help you wake up in the morning.”

“Hm. Guess we don’t need alarms then. You’ll build us a machine that automatically starts the machine and we’ll be up in no time.”

“At this rate, we could also install a webcam in front of it, if we do it every morning, at each nap, and all day.

“A webcam?”

“I saw somewhere that people working at the University of Cambridge knew the feeling of finding an empty coffee pot so well, that they invented the first ever webcam with the sole purpose of checking the status of the coffee pot.”

“That’s actually kinda smart.”

“I know, right? That way we don’t have to check, but the one that’ll have to fill it back up will receive tons of notifications, so it'll kind of be annoying.”

“...yeah. I don’t want it anymore.”

“You’ll probably be the one receiving the notifications more often since you’ll be home.”

“That’s why I changed my mind. I don’t want you to see how often I drink, because...trust me it’s a lot.”

“...I do the same at work.”

“That’s why we get along. We get each other, basically have the same habits. We’re the perfect couple.”

“You kind of sound drunk when you say that, I don’t know. It sounds like something you’d say while being drunk.” 

“Kind of, yeah.” She agreed, laughing. “Throw another fact, we’ll continue in the car.”

“Let me think...oh, I got one. From statistics, the average American spends around $20 a week on coffee, which is around...$1.092 per year. Yikes.”

“What keeps us awake when we’re running on two hours of sleep makes us broke. Cool.”

“That’s where our salaries go.” 

“...yep. That’s where. Surprise.”

“I don’t think they’ll really be surprised. Look how many hours we sleep. My sleep schedule is already buried.”

“Yeah, it is. Remember all the days where we went to bed at 1am and you got woken up at 4am? The next days were hell to stay awake.”

“...I remember. I hate those days. if I get a phone call, let me have five or six hours at least.”

“I’m starting to wonder if they’re not spying on us to see at which hour we go to bed.”

“Same. It happened way too many times. It’s getting quite...annoying.”

“Not really for me, I’d wake up because of the phone one time out of two. It was more annoying when I’d wake up to see I was alone.”

“You’d have a note, at least.”

“Yep, but....wasn’t amazing.”

“You would have been angry either way if I would have woken you up.”

“I would have gone straight back, yeah. You’re not wrong.”

“I’m always right. I’m not the best in the whole FBI building for nothing.”

“Quit showing off. We know you’re smart.”

“It was just in case you forgot.”

“How could I forget? You tell me that you have an 187 IQ without telling it every time you speak. It’s kind of obvious that you’re not an idiot to me.”

“You’re smart too, you could figure out that I was.”

“Is there a meaning behind that or…?”

“Why would there be one y/n?”

“I don’t know. You sound...narcissistic, and it was kind of like...you told I was dumb, Reid.”

“No, you’re not! I was kidding.”

“Mhm.”

“Okay, I’m sorry if I sounded ‘narcissistic’, it wasn’t my intention, I was just kidding.”

“I just have trouble knowing if you’re joking or not sometimes. But, you are forgiven, doctor.”

“It’s weird hearing you say that. Why don’t you just say ‘Spencer’?”

“Doctor, and Reid are more...fancy.”

“Okay, if you like it.”

“I do like it.”

“Then I don’t have anything to say on it.”

“Indeed.” She proudly replied.

“You know that I really like you?"

"I do." She answered, her shy smile breaking into a bigger one.

"Are you okay with uh...cheesy stuff? Because like, it kind of is."

"I've always had a liking for these, so I don't mind at all."

"Oh- okay, I was afraid you wouldn't uh…."

"...like it? Of course I do. I always like it when you say that you love me."

"I can't say otherwise, or even refrain myself from saying it. When I see you smile, I just...you know. I really like to see you happy."

"You're gonna make me cry Spencer- I spent a while doing my makeup." She joked.

"Okay, I'll wait until we're at home then."

"Okay."

++

"It's kinda good that we came in early. Coffee is better when it's taken between 9:30 to 11:30AM from what I saw."

"...really? There's a 'good timing' for it to be more effective? It's weird."

"Kind of. If you're tired at 11pm and decide to drink it, it's only gonna work at 50%."

"For real...it's annoying. Especially for you, your shifts are long as hell. I'm sorry for all the times I yelled at you over the phone."

"You had your reasons, I'm the best at getting people worried to death." He said, as he got his eyes back on the road after briefly shaking his head at her.

"Can't deny." 

"No one can't."

"The number of times when you only had a battery problem, gosh. I wanted to kill you because of these." 

"You didn't kill me, I'm still here."

"I can still kill you, if you want. I might have a pocket knife somewhere."

"No- I take it back, it's ok. I'm good." I said, "panicking".

"Hm. Too bad. It was a new one, 'wanted to try it on." 

"...that's not really reassuring y/n."

"At least you'll be even more careful." She said, throwing me a sneaky smile.

"...will do."

"Good to know."

"I was going to say that you were going to be the death of me, but I'm already doing that to you with my job. Guess I'll have to find something else."

"You're gonna have to think hard. Because from what you said, your job is superior to everything in terms of scaring the death out of people."

"The #1."

"Premium #1. It's a better term." She corrected.

"...do you still love me though?"

"Of course, that's why I haven't killed you yet."

"I'm gonna have to sleep with one eye tonight."

"It's gonna be creepy man. I won't kill you, so, don't do that...please"

"I love how it's easy to make you change your mind with things you hate."

"I can still change my mind, even if I hate it."

"...sorry." I apologized with a tiny voice, which caused us to break into laughter for a minute, before I stopped before y/n, who still had a bit of trouble to stop laughing. "Do I need to call 911 or is everything okay?"

"It's just- your tiny voice is always fun as hell- gosh, I really had a good laugh."

"We don't need much to laugh apparently.' I pointed out.

"How can anybody not laugh at that? The way you said it was amazing."

"I'm gonna be offended if you keep laughing at me."

"I can't promise you I won't laugh again ah that."

"If you laugh at my voice, I'm allowed to laugh at you when you fall out of bed then."

"Okay, deal. You're allowed." 

"At least it's even. But- you can't go back on that, you said you agreed on it."

"I promise, I'm not going back on it." She confirmed.

“Okay, just so it’s clear.”

“It is. I granted you permission to laugh at me.”

“I never granted you permission and you did it a lot of times, that’s not fair.”

“I’m allowed to laugh at you, it’s not the same. I have a special “nice girlfriend” pass.”

“...okay you have a point.”

“I’ve always had it. I’m smart, maybe smarter than you. The FBI should seriously hire me, they’re missing out without me.”

“We’re never going to be able to focus if we work together.”

“Then I guess you’ll have to present me.”

“Prepare yourself in advance. Once they’ll get your number, you’re gonna be overwhelmed with texts. They’re gonna want to know about the secret I kept.”

“Don’t worry about that, I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I may have to go there myself if you chicken out.”

“Hey, that’s not nice. I’m hurt.”

“Okay- I may have to go there myself if you don’t resolve yourself to do it- oh, it’s the same. Even if I word it differently, it’s the same.”

“I’m mad at you.”

“No, you’re not. You love me too much to be mad at me.”

“...how do you know everything about me? I’m scared.”

“I hacked into your brain.”

“Clearly.” I said; nervously laughing. “What do you think would be the password of my brain?”

“Um...either a doctor who or star trek related thing.”

“Hm. Maybe. It’s kinda difficult though; I like a lot of things. I’d probably end up putting your name if I can’t decide.”

“Yeah, same. There’s so much stuff.”

“If I take all of the books, tv shows, writers….yeah. Your name.”

“I’d probably struggle too. Your name.” She repeated.

“Isn’t it risky to let the other know our passwords?”

“I mean...we share the same brain cells sometimes, we’re 24/7 together, we’re interested in the same stuff so...eh. Not really.”

“That’s fair enough to be honest. I still remember last time; when we forgot to take the pasta out of the water because a video on twitter distracted us.”

“...I remember that. We had to order takeout after.”

“And the takeout wasn’t that good. I would have prefered the over-boiled pasta.”

“Same...these $35 weren’t that worth it.”

“$5 dollar over boiled pasta would have been better.”

“Yeah, it would have. But, let’s not try to forget it tonight. Over-boiled pasta isn’t my favorite thing.”

“Then we’ll have to turn off all of our devices.”

“...yeah. Let’s hope the clock won’t fail on us.”

“I’m not even sure if we have batteries left, and the store is closed.”

“Guess it’s gonna be one hell of a night.” She pointed out, as the car came to a stop.

“You said it.” I answered, as we both exited the car.

++

“Spencer, hey, wake up.”

“What’s...going on?”

“ ‘thing’s ringing.”

“What the…?” He mumbled as he took his phone from his nightstand, rubbing his eyes. “Oh, come on.”

“Guess we’re not having our fifth date.”

“...guess not. This sucks, I’m sorry.”

“ ‘s not your fault. At least let me have a quick hug before you go for god knows how long.”

“Just one, I really have to go.” I precised, wrapping my arms around her waist, as she put her head in the crook of my neck. 

“I’m gonna miss you Spence.”

“Me too. I promise it won’t be too long.”

“Mhm. Oh, at least it’s not 4AM.”

“Yeah, it kind of surprised me to see that it was 9AM.”

“Same. Are you directly going on the jet or are you gonna uh...what’s the thing, briefing at the office?”

“Uh, yeah, Morgan told me to go to the office first.”

“Okay, call me before you go then.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll call.” I reassured, kissing her on the cheek as I sprinted through the hall. “Have a good day!”

“Same!” She yelled, as I closed the door.

What a great week ahead of us.

I annoyedly sighed as I got out of the building, taking the car as she had mentioned that she wouldn’t need it today.

I kind of felt bad, we had taken a small break on coffee mission-dates as we didn’t feel like it, and in the meantime, she also went to work for a day as a coworker needed someone to replace her, and after that, just when we planned to go out again...my phone rang, which was nothing but good.

I’ll make sure to call her as often as I can, that’s the least I can do till I come back.

++

As he left, I kind of ‘slept’ for at least ten minutes before I even found the motivation to get out of bed, which was kind of hard.

I’m really attached to my bed, and it’s really complicated for me to get up in the morning, Spencer helps me out usually.

It’s a miracle I managed to get out before falling back asleep and waking up at 12, especially on my own.

It’s kind of a great achievement to be honest, I should call him later to…

I paused, as I saw what seemed like his phone on the table.

...guess I’m not gonna call him.

What the hell am I going to do?

I can’t go there, no one even knows me.

Why did he have to forget his damn phone? 

He doesn’t even have another one, how the hell am I going to do to get it to him?

I just...know his code, he randomly told it to me, and he knows mine too, so...yeah.

For god’s sake, I’m gonna have to call in, ‘I’m a cousin, friend, whatever’ excuse is gonna have to be the one I’m gonna throw.

Now or never I guess.

I turned on the phone, entering the password as I opened the contacts app, not really knowing who to call.

He had mentioned that Hotch was his superior, but I would be a stressed mess the second he’d begin taking, and it wouldn’t do anything but waste time.

What about Penelope? She seemed quite nice from his sayings, I could possibly reach out to her.

Let’s give it a try, I guess.

I clicked on the contact, pressing the call button as I brought the phone to my ear.

“Spencer, why are you calling? Aren’t you with Luke in the conference room?”

“It’s not Reid, I’m...a friend. He forgot his phone...and his badge thingy at my place, I saw the second thing as I called. I uh...didn't know he was working so I went to his place, and I guess he’s at work now.”

“Huh, he never forgets it. That’s weird. But, I never heard about you, are you like...a school pal or whatever person he met at a library or other?”

“Uh...We knew each other at school, yeah- anyway, is there a way for me to take it to him? I’ve...never been to his place, you know.”

“Oh uh...I can go see him, he’s right there. You could come here, but...I don’t know if you’re cleared to go here. Let me...oh, is your name y/n...y/l/n?”

“Yeah- did he put me in his emergency contacts or…?”

“Well, you’re in the visitor lists, so, I guess so, in a way, yeah. You must be an important friend then.”

“Yeah- we know...each other for a while- yeah.”

“That’s weird, he never mentioned you. I’ll have to ask about you later, I’m kind of interested.”

“Yeah- uh, he’s working at the FBI building, right? What floor is it even?”

“Yes, it’s that. It’s the sixth, you’ll have to hurry though, they should be going soon.”

“I’ll be right there. See you...I guess.”

“See you there!”

Oh god, that was the most stressful situation- how did I not panic? Did she find the fact that I’m able to enter his apartment weird and suspect I’m his partner? Am I supposed to be panicked or chill about it?

Shit.

**

As the briefing who lasted a bit more than planned came to his end, as I briefly checked my bag to see if everything was in it, my phone and badge were missing.

How did I forget them? I swore that I had taken it before leaving.

How can I even do? 

I could possibly attempt a quick trip to my apartment, but that'd only be a waste of time.

I sighed as I climbed down the stairs, suddenly getting interrupted by the sound of a nearby elevator when I happened to walk in that direction before.

I...regret not thinking in advance about my words, as...people were behind me.

“Oh, hey babe- what’s...” I said as soon as she appeared, as I was coming to the realization that I had...messed up when the expressions around me changed. “...up.”

“...hey.” Y/N quietly said after noticing the look on everyone’s faces. 

“Did he- is she?” Luke asked, confused.

“I- You forgot this- these.” She informed, taking the two items in her hand as she handed them to me.

‘What are we supposed to do?’ I inclined my head to the side, frowning my eyebrows.

‘I don’t know!’ She shrugged.

“Oh- are you his friend I had on the phone?” A blonde chirped, walking in.

“It’s ‘girlfriend’, apparently.” Luke corrected.

“But- So-”

“She’s my girlfriend, yeah. I didn’t tell you for..reasons, and-”

“You guys should go- We’ll talk all about this when we get back.” Y/N interrupted.

“Reid's been hiding you, and you don’t think I want to know about that?” Penelope asked.

“But- you’re working on a case, I’m not supposed to-”

“If it’s FBI shit, you’ll just put your hands over your ears and close your eyes, it’s okay.” She waved it off, pulling her aside as they went in the elevator.

“I’ll see you later Spence.”

“Okay, see you-” I said, as the door closed. “No- No questions. Not know.”

“We didn’t set anything.” JJ answered.

“...yet.” Emily continued.

++

“So, what happened? We didn’t see anything, I mean- I kind of suspected...sometimes but-”

“It’s...kind of long. I mean you have work and-”

“I can do two things at the same time.”

“Well uh...we didn’t know each other at first.”

“So like- it’s a fate thing or-”

“Maybe? I mean- I lost my diary at the library, I forgot it when I went to work, and he told me that he found it, didn’t want it to get lost, and so, he asked around where I could be found and, we met.”

“It sounds like cinderella.”

“...kind of. Never thought about that.”

“It really is, like- if you had never lost it, he’d just be a guy sitting with his book.”

“I wouldn’t have the courage to talk to him, because...I think I would have found him interesting.”

“You can thank your brain for making you forget about it. You got a nice boyfriend because of it- wait, I didn’t ask if you were-”

“We’re not engaged yet-”

“I’m gonna tell him to hurry as soon as I get a call with him- How did he not already propose to you?”

“It’s okay- It’s only been one year and a few months, we have-”

“Please let me plan the wedding.”

“It can wait I’m-”

“I have to plan it.”

“Okay but-”

“You’re gonna have to get used to here, you’re gonna come...quite often. Maybe with my apartment too, and Rossi’s. He organizes amazing game nights, it’s always fun.”

“...that’s why Spencer told me to prepare myself-”

“We’re not gonna let you go for a while. I bet they’re harassing him with questions right now.”

“I don’t have anything else today so- guess I’ll be staying for a bit. I’ll have to go later, though. For like- sleeping and all.”

“Will you come back tomorrow?”

“I have work...the craft shop I told you about.”

“Oh- then keep going with the story then-”

“You sure- you-”

“They’re not calling yet. Keep going.”

“Okay- so, he went to the shop…asked where he could find me, as he had something belonging to me- I was in the storage room and my coworker came saying someone had a thing that was mine, and recognized the thing as she saw me with it before. I went to the front- where he was, she left and uh...he gave it back to me. We briefly talked and, as he left I asked him his name- as he knew mine, and...he left.”

“That idiot didn’t ask for your number?”

“He could have come back, I don’t know. He knew where to find me, and...same for me. Next uh...we both had work, I suppose for him, too. And as I got a day off, I went back to the library to also thank the employee that had told him where to find me...and he came again.”

“What happened next? I need to know-”

“Uh- I think we uh...stayed there, for a while, actually. Until we were told that it’d close, and...hung out together till...almost 2AM.”

“Did you-”

“No- just talking. We barely met, we wouldn’t- We were going to go out on a date...later. I asked him first.”

“You did? Oh my god that’s so cute!”

"That was kind of stressful. You don't get to ask guys out pretty often."

"Was Reid your first boyfriend?"

"As a serious relationship, yeah. All of the others were in high school but...they were all idiots. Spencer's the first that...cares about me."

"He's always been very nice in general, I can guarantee that you'll never regret letting him enter in your life, he's gonna treat you like a princess."

"He's already gone through that, he's always supporting me, I...really feel safe, and loved, all the time."

"I'm glad everything's going well for you two. You could have come sooner, we've been asking him quite often if he'd ever present his partner as we were his parents."

"Yeah we- waited a while. We were actually planning on telling it, soon." 

"Well, the 'soon' arrived."

"It was kinda…"

"Unexpected? Yeah, I know."

"It really was but...it's not as stressful as I thought. I...really like it here."

"You're gonna feel home with us, too. You're already there with our genius boy. I can tell you guys really love each other."

"We do, a lot."

"I'm glad for that. You're gonna have a lot to tell every time you come here though."

"Don't worry, I'll tell you everything there is to tell, and let you plan whatever thing there would be to celebrate. Even my wedding."

"Do I really have to wait to plan it?" Penelope asked.

"We could get married in five years, who knows. Are you gonna plan it already?"

"...probably."

"Do I get to help?"

"If you have good taste, yeah."

"It shouldn't be a problem."

"So- Oh, here they are."

"And...back to work." I said.

"Wish I didn't have to now." She sighed, answering. "You've reached the office of knowledge, what can I do for you?" 

++

“So? How did it go with the team?”

“Chaotic. I wish I had taken a car or something instead of the jet who lasted way too long for just three hours.”

“Penelope already wants to plan our wedding here.”

“She did?”

“Yeah. If I didn’t stop her, she would have probably purchased dresses and called Rossi.”

“They also asked me about the wedding here.”

“What can I say? They’re really like a real family.”

“Yeah, they are. You’re gonna like them a lot.”

“I feel like it. Penelope already told me to get used to here because of how often she’ll call. I’m probably going to end up working here.”

“You don’t need to work here to see me, they know now. You’re cleared to come whenever you want.”

“If only you hadn’t- no, I would have probably jumped at your arms if I hadn’t seen them.”

“At least we don’t have to think about it for weeks, just to not say it at the end. It’s done.”

“Just a week ago, you said that you wanted for it to be special, it wasn’t very special to me.”

“It’s kind of...special. No one did that here.”

“Not the kind of ‘special’ you described.”

“It was a...surprising ‘kind of special’.”

“Did you just make that up?”

“I only had that in mind.”

“I thought that you were intelligent enough to just say ‘surprising’.”

“You asked which kind of special it was.”

“Unexpected would have been good too.”

“...yeah. I wanted to spice it up.”

“I’m giving a 7/10 to your spice.”

“That’s the average at least.”

“But- it was fine. I’m being a bit mean.”

“Are you mad it went like that though?”

“Not really. I know you wouldn’t have resolved yourself to say it, so...it’s said. They know, and...I really like them. You could have done it sooner, I missed out. They’re really like you described them to me.”

“Yeah, I would have waited...even more. Let’s hope you’ll get to pass by often, they’re gonna want to see you all the time. I’m pretty sure you have pre-invites to all of the parties they’ll ever organize.”

“At least we’ll be with other people and...do other stuff than staying all day at home, you know.”

“You’re right, yeah. I’ll diversify our days-off.”

 “Heard Rossi knows how to cook pretty good pasta; that’ll change from our failed ones.”

“...definitely. He also makes us cook with him sometimes, but...I think I’ll pass for the ‘boil the pasta’ part.”

“Same for me. I prefer not to ruin the entire thing.”

“If he teaches us, we could get better.”

“Nah...I prefer not to. I’ll stick to the ‘make the pasta’ part.”

“It’s hard to say no to Rossi in general, good luck with that.”

“Is he like everyone’s grandpa or what?”

“Uh...I guess I’d say so. You could kind of see him as that, but I don’t know if he ever allowed anyone in the team to call him like that, except for Hotch, JJ and Matt’s kids.”

“Thanks for the warning, it’s noted.”

“He’s gonna have a bunch of nicknames for you though. He likes to do that with...pretty much everyone he knows.”

“I’m okay with that, he sounds nice from what I heard from you...and Penelope. I’m gonna stay a bit more, she wants...more information about what she doesn’t know yet about us.”

“Send me a text to confirm you’re alive, you’re gonna be staying for a while.”

“Will do, don’t worry. You might receive pictures too, she proposed and I agreed as I always like to take pictures of yours. I...also sent some of you to her, and...she might have sent them to the others.”

“They’re looking at me so...I think they got them.”

“At this point they’re gonna make a scrapbook out of it.”

“They might.”

“They don’t mean to be annoying, I’m sure. They’re just…”

“...really invested. They’re gonna want to know everything there is to say and know. Especially for you as they don’t know you as well as they know me.”

“I guess I’ll be spending my days-offs at another workplace. I’m okay with it.”

“People are gonna wonder if you’re not working there after seeing you that often, you’ll have to correct a lot of people.”

 “I look smart, of course they’re gonna think I’m working there. They should have hired me by now, they’re missing out a lot.”

“You’re right, they should.”

“I can’t guarantee I’ll be with the profilers though, my talent has its limits. I can only read your face.”

“You’re only a profiler with me then.”

“Yeah, I’m a special one. I’m not risking my life doing it.”

“And not scaring people?”

“Mhm. I’m not.”

“I can tell you’re smiling without seeing you. We got a special talent in common.”

“Oh, come on, you’re the one with 187 IQ, you got the bigger talent here.”

“No, mine is smaller. You lose things all the time, that’s the real talent I don’t have.”

“I’m not doing it on purpose- And be glad I have that ‘talent’, because without it you wouldn’t even be speaking to me right now.”

“I never said it was a bad one, it’s a good one. I met you thanks to it.”

“I guess I can believe that.”

“Believe it! It’s the truth.”

"I love teasing you, I get to hear the squeaky voice.”

“Hey- no teasing about it, I always do it, I can’t help but not have another pitch, it’s like that.”

“I also have one, we’re quit. But- yours is more high-pitched to me.”

“It’s not, I always have a deep and masculine voice- please don’t tell me you’re on speaker.”

“...I’m not on speaker but...she may have- she heard it.”

“Let’s hope she won’t say it to someone else.”

“I can’t guarantee that, but...it’s not the end of the world though.”

“Yeah, it’s not. I’m sorry I...I have to go, in a bit.”

“It’s alright, we got to chat for like...five minutes, it’s a good one.”

“It is. I’ll try to call, or shoot a text if I can.”

“Okay. Love you. Go catch bad guys- and hang up first before we stay another ten minutes.”

“Got it. Love you too. Good luck with Penelope.”

“You’re still on the line.”

“I know- can you do it? I feel bad hanging up at you.”

“Fine. Have a good day-”

I wish we’d have all day to ourselves right now, it’s a bit hard to not have her with me all of a sudden.

Let’s hope I get to be home soon.

++

I wish I didn’t have to witness what happened there.

It...did something to me.

I didn’t know anything about her, except the same things as everyone, such as her name, personal information and their job, but...when we went there, and saw that she had already died, I felt...weird.

As if they were someone I knew, it hit way too close to home for me, as if they were the feelings I would have for y/n if anything would ever happen.

It may be weird to think about that...out of the blue, and it also may be a bit soon, or sudden but, I thought a lot about when she told me that Garcia was already planning our wedding as soon as they began talking.

It really got me thinking again, as it definitely wasn’t the first time that occured. 

A lot of the people we dealt with in cases lost their lost ones suddenly, didn’t get a proper goodbye, regretted their last words before they last saw them, and...even if that’s not the case with her, I always leave, leaving her to wonder whether I’m gonna come back in one piece or at the hospital.

I’m aware of how bad I’m scaring her every time; she’s always waiting for a text to know if I’m alive to stop her from worrying, and even though I know she won’t have risks of getting hurt in most cases, I can’t stop but get scared for her, especially when I’m so far from her.

I’ve seen what happened with other loved ones in my team, and that’s not what I want to happen to her.

It’s only been...almost two years, it’s not enough at all, but...we never really talked about the future, getting married and all that stuff, we’ve been fine staying as boyfriend and girlfriend, it didn’t really matter, and we had all the time to talk about it.

So...I don’t really know if that’d be sudden.

But, at the same moment...I do want to do that; y/n means a lot to me, and that would be...mainly stressful but, it’s something that means a lot.

I want to do this, really, but...I don’t want it to be like a few days ago, it wasn’t planned, and again, I would have wanted for it to go differently.

But, after that case, and many more that happened, what if something happens before I come back? What if I get other cases, more work? 

It could, and could not happen, I can’t know in advance.

That’s why I hate it when I don’t know things I actually need information about, it freaks me out.

I have no way to plan what could happen, and it’s even worse for y/n, from what I can imagine.

If something does happen, she won’t be the first to know, but due to the possible lack of calls, or anything else, she could first think of something bad, but won’t know it it’s quite bad, if nothing happened, or if she’s gonna have a call she never wished for.

I know it’s weird to think about all of that, but my job isn’t made of riskless things, I’m aware of it.

I wouldn’t be thinking about that if it was any less calm.

All that my brain can think of is that the rest of my life has to be spent with her, I can’t do it with anyone else, if she’s not there. 

A simple diary made us meet each other, without it, my life wouldn’t have changed much from what I can say.

It really is fun to think that we met because of an object.

It’s quite weird to go back to when she wasn’t here, I’ve been so used to being with her.

It’s probably cliché, but I can’t imagine not having her around now that I’ve met her.

She’s sort of a part of me if I had to describe it.

She’s the reason why I look even more forward to the end of a case, going home, doing simple things as walking around the neighborhood, grocery shopping, or even getting ready for bed.

The last is the best moment of the day along with waking up having her next to me; I’m often awake first in the morning, so I get to look at her a bit more in advance before she wakes up on her own.

She always smiles first thing when she wakes up, even if she’s really tired.

That’s one of the things I prefer.

I always end up staying longer as she had trouble getting out of bed, I’d even get her out of bed by carrying her for a bit as if she was a child.

But, it makes her feel happy and loved, so, I don’t mind doing it.

When we get ready for bed, I’m usually the last to sleep as I watch her until she falls asleep. 

I can’t help but do that every time, even if I’m a bit tired.

She yells at me a bit when she hears I do that instead of enjoying all of the hours I have, but, I just tell her the only excuse I had and always have.

I still haven’t found another, really.

Probably because the one I always tell her is the only that has ever existed to me, I don’t think it will change.

It probably won’t, I like that excuse.

I really don’t want anything to change, I really like the way everything is.

How she is, how she looks, when we’re together, I just can’t imagine something better.

That’s why I just...with all I’ve seen around me, what happened, of all the losses I’ve experienced, I can’t stand thinking about that ever changing, I have to tell her how I love her for the millionth time, hold her as much as I can, memorize all of the details of her face once again, and again.

I always do them more than we can recall, but...I want to do that once again, even if she tells me I’ve done these enough.

I want to express how much I love her, even if she knows it as that’s the first thing she gets to know in the morning, when we go to bed, when I leave for work, at the end of a call, or even at random moments when I look at her for a while, and end up randomly saying: “you know that I love you so bad, right?” 

She smiles at it, every time.

After that, she often ends up telling me how cheesy I can be sometimes before kissing my lips and laying close to me if she wasn’t already with me.

I don’t want that to stop, I have to feel it again, think about it after it happens for hours, it can’t stop.

I also hope I won’t have to have her go through all of that fear when I leave every time.

I always feel bad about it to this day, and I know it won’t change until I decide to quit it, but...as much as she hates the risks and all of the stuff coming with it, she’ll kill me if I decide to quit, she knows how much that job is important.

So...I have to tell her, again.

I want to be able to be with her, go through whatever problem could happen, agreements we might have, I want to do all of this.

I’m willing to do all of this, no matter how tough it gets.

Y/N’s the only one I ever cared so much about, I don’t think I’ve ever done that with anyone else other than my mother.

I’m not also saying that I don’t care about my team who could pass as my own family, but, y/n’s the one.

The one that makes me feel special, that I always want to see, that pulls me through the day even if I’m having a bad case, the one that is always willing to talk even if it’s 2 in the morning, she never gave up on me, I don’t remember one moment when I wouldn’t hear about her.

I don’t want to hesitate about anything else.

I’m sure about this.

I will tell her exactly what I thought about, what I’ll think, what I thought from the beginning, whether she already knows some details by heart.

And I’ll tell her anyway for the only and one reason that it’s because I’ve always been so cheesy and hopelessly in love with her.

That is the only thing that will never change.

++

I don’t think I’ve even ran so fast after having to pass to the office for just some papers.

I’ve barely said goodbye to the team, and they kind of were surprised to see me rushing so bad.

They’ve probably figured out that it was because I was excited to see y/n now that they know about her, and, that is the case, but I don’t think that any of them even know what I’m about to do.

I really can’t believe it’s actually happening myself.

I’m about to do something that usually takes a while to figure out, think about, plan, and that isn’t that easy to do as it’s not something that’s to be taken lightly.

But I’m really sure, I’m aware of all of the possible reasons why I’m doing it.

I’m aware of why I’m about to marry her.

I’m not doing this as a joke, or anything else that wouldn’t make it serious.

I want to wake up knowing she’s the person I’ll be with my whole life, that I’ll be able to love even more, brag about more, think again when I’m not doing well.

I want her to know all of that.

I just can’t wait.

It’s...really crazy and sudden, and I’ve thought that it was stupid at first because of these reasons, but I don’t think it quite is.

I’m doing this for a reason, and I’ve never been so sure and confident even if that is the most stressful thing I could ever do in my life.

I just hope I won’t collapse...even if that’s a bit exaggerated to me, but, I guess it’s the whole tension, stress that’s talking.

She has no idea that I planned to do that, the only thing she knows is that I’m on my way as I told her before driving home.

If there wasn’t other vehicles, or a speed limit, I think that I would have already been there.

When I pulled out of the parking lot as no places were available nearby, I bounced my feet on the floor of the elevator all the way.

I’m kind of surprised that it didn’t crash because of that.

I’m also glad that I managed to make it to my front door, still alive.

When I took out my keys out of my pocket, missing the lock once before getting it right as I took a large breath, I already heard the sound of the bedroom door opening in a hurry when she heard the front door.

After hearing a short fumbling once I had closed the door; she had jumped in my arms as soon as I turned back to her.

The first thing that really came to mind was that she had immediately felt like home; as she always did.

She hugged me, without a word for whatever time was enough to her, until she pulled back to probably give me air.

“Welcome back. Sorry for the...sudden jump. I hope you-”

“I didn’t.” I replied, planting a short kiss on her lips. “I’ll never mind, never.”

“I know. Do you want me to uh...cook something for you? I don’t think we have much left except some eggs, I forgot to go to the store after work.”

“Don’t worry about that, I’m fine with it. I’ll help you with it so you don’t burn the apartment down. It’ll be a bit...bad to have to deal with a fire now.”

“You’re not wrong, yeah. Let’s avoid that, but- don’t criticize my possible talents! The only thing I’ll burn is the food itself. I’ll be turning the gas off as soon as I’ll see the food burning.”

“Okay- I trust you. Do you want me to let you cook on your own?”

“I like being independent, but…no, stay.”

“Alright, I’ll make sure we don’t eat burned food. We both deserve nice food after the long day we’ve had.”

“Too bad we don’t have a heart pan...you know I would have wanted to do that.”

“We’ll buy one tomorrow, don’t worry. Look, just so we don’t forget…” I took my phone from the couch, walking back next to her. “Okay, it’s on the reminder app.”

“You won’t forget it, each stuff you read stays in your memory. ‘Can’t guarantee for me.” Y/N admitted, lightly chuckling.

“You won’t forget, don’t worry. Don’t overestimate your brain.”

“I forget stuff all the time, I don’t trust him too much.”

“Don’t call yourself dumb, you’re certainly not. You’re very smart, and- you wouldn’t be even awake without your brain.”

“Oh, yeah, forgot the science thingy part. I kind of figured out that you’d  be telling me that, you’re really predictable.”

“I can’t argue on that one.”

“You, not arguing? You always have an explanation that’s as long as an essay. You’re lucky that I’m interested in it.”

“I’m quite surprised that you manage to stay interested all long. Not all of the people I work with make it through the whole thing.”

“It’ll never be boring to me.”

“You sure about that? I may deliver a talk worth a four page essay.”

“Not so late, tomorrow, I promise.”

“Okay, tomorrow. Let’s cook before we get too tired.”

“Can you go first? I’m always afraid of getting burned by that.”

“I was going to do it, I was kind of afraid for you.”

“Oh- thanks, I guess.”

“Anything for you.”

++

Just as if I didn’t have everything planned in my head for hours, once we did the eggs, talked a bit, and layed on the bed without bothering to get rid of our outside clothes;

I still didn’t know.

I was beyond stressed.

Would it be going well?

Would she react well?

If I suddenly don’t know what to say, what do I even do next?

Of course, I was still very sure of it, more than anything, but turns out that the stress just didn’t want me to do that apparently.

I still don’t get why it had to get in the way just now.

I just have to overcome it, it’ll be...totally okay.

It’s going to be okay.

I just have to somehow get to talk and manage to know what I want to say...I guess?

“Are you okay? You didn’t say anything for a while.”

“Oh, sorry I...I was thinking about something.”

“Is it a bad or good thing?”

“It’s a good one, not bad...at all. I just don’t know if...I can say it. It’s a stressful one.”

“I’m not sleeping for a bit more, you can go ahead. If it’s stressful, I guess it must be an important thing.”

“It’s an important one, yeah.”

“Go ahead then, I’ll be listening to every word, won’t miss a bit. You got all of my attention.” Y/N said, sitting up on the side of the bed.

“Okay, okay. Um...I don’t really know where to start, and how to, but...I think I’ll be saying everything at one moment or another.” I explained, as I sat up next to her. “I’ve been thinking about it for a bit, and slightly hesitated at the beginning as I told myself that it’d be a stupid decision, but I know that it’s something I’m sure of, it’s not something I thought of for a minute before deciding that I’d be doing it. I have to say that I haven’t been thinking about it deeply since months, but the time I thought about it was enough to decide that it was what I wanted.”

“You’re starting to worry me right now...I thought it was a good thing, and- you know I freak out easily…”

“It’s definitely a good thing, I just...there’s a lot to say. It might be an essay long, I just want to say everything that’s important.”

“Okay, I’m listening. You can keep going, sorry.” She apologized, as I put my hand on hers to reassure her.

“I...I’ve had a while to think about all of this. Barely two years, but...I never really thought about it to the point of having a whole essay to say. There’s just so many things to say about how I feel about you that I can’t select which ones to put so it could be shorter. I know we’ve talked about it a lot of times, but thanks for purchasing that diary in the first place, it’s what started our story, basically. I could also thank the one that made it but...I have no idea.” I admitted, pulling a short laugh from her. “And thanks for forgetting it, too. Your forgiveness came in handy, and we’re here now. It may be all cliché and all, but that’s what changed me. A simple book, that lead me to you. I can’t thank you enough for talking to me, and not letting go.

I really thought that I was nothing but a stranger that found something for you, and that you’d end up moving on. I didn’t move on after that, you kept staying in my head. I was persuaded that you had forgotten me and that I should...leave it there. We only knew each other’s names, that didn’t mean that I could talk to you more to me. Now, I kind of want to punch my past self for that.

I turned out to be more than wrong. When I stepped in that day, I was going to find some excuse to talk to you, and pretend I didn’t see you, but I couldn’t do that. You were all I could see in that place. Pretending that I didn’t see you would have been rude.”

“You could have done it, I wouldn’t have been mad. I probably would have done the same.” She admitted.

“I couldn’t have, really. You were all I could think about, so, not looking at you after not being able to see you? That wasn’t possible. I can’t even do that now. When I look at you, I can allow myself to basically let go of whatever stresses me in my work. I know I shouldn’t be talking about it too much, but thank you for supporting me, even after all of the scares I gave you. I won’t be talking about quitting as you said that you’d kill me if I’d do it.”

“The offer is still up. I won’t let you quit until you’re at least 60.”

“I’m not planning on dying yet, I won’t quit. But, I’m sorry for all of the stress that I put you through. I wish I could make it less stressful. You’re so strong for that, I really don’t know how you manage to not have a heart attack, you’re truly amazing.

You can be proud of that though. I want you to be.

You’ve made me feel stronger because of this too. Your strength, your support, your love, all of that allows me to pull through.

I can’t imagine having to go through that without you. You became such an important part of my life, that I just...can’t imagine not having you here by my side. You matter so much to me, I really want you to know that. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I can’t do that with anyone else now that I’ve met you. You make me feel so loved, so happy, everyday, and...I want to feel like this forever. I don’t want that to change ever.” 

Don’t screw this up.

You got this.

“Since I’ve met you, you’ve given me a reason to be better, to do better. Something changed when you came into my life, I’m not the doctor Reid from two years ago anymore. I would constantly overthink, I was never sure of anything, I was a mess. But now, you’ve pushed me to say what I have in mind, you’ve made me more confident, and I’ve never been sure of something my entire life. My old self wouldn’t have done that at all. 

I've realized that I can't live without you anymore. I've lost too many things, and I definitely can't lose you. You're the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. And before you say anything, not even books, TV shows, or whatever else is better. You're the one that I love the most, and that I'll also love for many and many years. 

I've...also realized that I've said the entirety of a monologue, and you're probably wondering what that was for so, I'll get to the point." I explained, briefly leaving her side to take something from my pocket, a gasp leaving her lips as I suddenly put a knee on the floor, pulling the box open.

"It would be an immeasurable pleasure to be able to share my life with you, as long as we both shall live. So...I, Spencer Reid, would like to know if the wonderful woman in front of my eyes would accord me the pleasure of marrying me?" 

"Of course I will, you idiot!" Y/N exclaimed, pressing her lips against mine.

"Is that a yes though?" I asked, still against her lips.

"It's a yes." She answered, as we both pulled back from the other when I took her left hand, slightly struggling to take the ring out of the box.

After a few seconds, and a few laughs, I nervously slid the ring on her finger, looking at her when I was done.

"...I understand the stress you had now. I...I really don't have the words right now. I kind of feel bad about not having anything to say. I just...want you to know that I also love you, so much. Thank you for being here with me, and...marrying me. This is...the best thing, ever." She said, her eyes watering.

"I would marry you every day if it was possible."

"If only. We have to plan a whole wedding now. I think we're gonna need a lot of help."

"That depends when you want it to happen."

"That also depends how fast it can be organized. Because if it can be done in one week, that would be...amazing. I can't wait another year."

"It's as it was already done babe. I bet Penelope already planned everything from the moment she met you."

"I wouldn't be surprised. Gosh, I can't wait to be able to call you my husband." She admitted.

"And I can't wait to be able to call you my wife." 

++

"Can you...frickin' believe that? We met her just a bit ago, and like...one month after I get to organize their wedding? This is totally crazy. She even let me help choose her dress, her damn dress!" 

"Of course she'd let you help Penelope. She couldn't have even said no to you, and as she didn't say no, she asked for your help as none of them knew how to do all this." Luke answered.

"I could literally drop out of the FBI and become a wedding planner at this point. Don't yell at me in calls, because you know what I'm gonna do next."

"We won't, don't worry about it. Just enjoy the wedding, you literally help plan the best day of their lives, they're not gonna be doing that every day." He reassured.

"That's too bad that it's only gonna last for a day. It's a shame we'll have to take everything down though."

"Just enjoy. Calm down for a bit."

Penelope took a deep breath, tapping Luke’s shoulder as she began leaving, but stopped for a second. "I'm gonna see if she's even ready. Someone go check on the boy wonder." 

“Yes, ma’am.”

++

“Y/N? Can I enter? It’s Pen.” Garcia asked, knocking a few times.

“As long as you’re not Spencer with a voice changer or something, yeah.” I said, as the lock of the door made itself heard signaling that the door was open, before she closed it on her way in.

“I thought you weren’t ready yet! Spencer’s gonna be downstairs soon.”

“I’m ready physically, not mentally. This is the part when I stress down.”

“What are you stressed about? Here, sit for a bit.” She motioned, putting her hand on mine when we had sat down.

“I don’t know...I, it’s the whole wedding thing. It’s not about Spencer or anything, I do still want to marry him, but...I’m just stressing about it. It didn’t hit me until today.”

“I get it. Lots of people, the big event, and mostly, marrying someone who matters. Don’t tell me one of your worries is that he’s not gonna find you beautiful or regret. There’s no way. Because, I know...we weren’t supposed to send messages to the boys before today, but, he spoke about you practically all night. He couldn’t believe that it was happening, I mean- who wouldn’t be stressed about marrying such a beautiful girl? So, stop that. All of the people here are only friends you know and family. There’s nothing else to stress about, I listed everything, and none of them is something you should overstress about, it’s going to be okay.”

“I know, I...I just stressed all of a sudden. And, I know he doesn’t think that, I just had the stress bringing all of those...stressful thoughts. Am I the only one who stresses at their wedding or is it normal? I don’t want to ruin anything because I’ll end up stressing, not knowing what to say-”

“You will be okay. You’ll know what to say the minute you’ll see him. Come here-” She rushed forward, taking my hand to put me on my feet as she directed me in front of the mirror. “Do you think Spencer isn’t stressed too when he thinks that he’s gonna marry you? You’re beautiful, amazing, strong, extremely kind, dedicated, I mean- he’s so lucky to have you. Anyone else would be stressed, it’s normal, you don’t have to think that you’re ruining anything, at all. Because that’s all I see when I look at that mirror. There’s not enough adjectives to describe your beauty right now, I think we’re gonna have to invent new ones at this point. I mean- look at you!” She exclaims, putting her head on my shoulder as she smiles.

“I’m probably also stressed because of how handsome he is too. I mean…wow. I’m marrying Spencer fucking Reid. It’s not anyone, he’s a literal god and a total genius.”

“And he is going to marry y/n fucking y/l/n. You’re not anyone as well, you’re a smokin’ hot bomb, a goddess and a strong, independent woman.”

“Okay, I am smokin’ hot.”

“Bet you are. So, now that everything is okay, you wait here. Don’t worry, Hotch’s gonna come soon, he’s probably finishing off a talk with our boy wonder. I’ll see you in a bit!” Penelope hurried out, leaving the room.

I’m marrying...fucking Spencer Reid.

Someone pinch me. I feel like this is a dream.

Ow- it’s not one.

It’s...really happening.

++

“I now declare you husband, and wife. You can kiss your wife, kid.” Rossi announces, as I advanced towards y/n, covering both sides of her face with my hands as the embrace deepens afterwards.

Soon enough, whoops and hollers echo through the backyard, as we pull back with smiles on both on our faces, maintaining our gaze on the other.

It’s official.

We’re finally both able to call the other our spouse, from now on, and forever.

Just two years ago, I never would have thought that this would happen.

I was just Spencer Reid, a guy that would always overthink, think he wasn’t good enough for anyone, didn’t think about ever going on dates, I was a total mess...until that diary.

It’s a bit ridiculous to say that I’ve overcome what would have refrained me from ever being with someone thanks to an object, but...that’s really what happened.

Who in the hell would have even thought that a person that I barely knew with only a few words would slowly become a familiar person, then a friend, a partner, and as I totally didn’t expect...my wife.

It all seems unreal, even now.

But it really is, believe it or not. I heard the words well, slid her ring on her hand; after that, she slid my ring on mine, Rossi announced it...and we kissed.

I pinched myself while she wasn’t looking, and it still wasn’t a dream.

I was married to her.

Even when we talked to our friends, we never let go of the other.

We were probably afraid that one of us was going to disappear if we ever let go of their hand.

I have no idea if some found it weird, I didn’t even care.

I was with her, she was with me, and we were both married.

That’s the only thing that mattered.

And...now that I think about what sealed our fates and lives forever as I looked at y/n;

It’s a good thing that I paid attention to my surroundings that day.

++

Let me know if you liked this fic here!

[imaginesandinserts]

Irreverent Pt. 37 - Seven Months

Title: Irreverent Pt. 37 - Seven Months Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader Rating: M Words: 5302

Trigger Warning: Mentions of Rape/Nonconsent

Irreverent Series Masterlist

*The events of this chapter take place in the seven months during which Emily Prentiss was presumed dead.*

Penelope had decorated Derek's new office. He hadn't taken over Hotch's office - he'd felt weird about that. It was where you found him usually now, late at night after everyone else had left. You'd found yourself staying late quite a bit more.

Reid was taking Emily's death harder than anyone - you know that JJ had been over to his place a lot along with Penelope. Rossi was trying to take him under his wing and make sure he was keeping it together enough to still do the job. You were struggling to get your own oxygen mask on to really help Spencer with his. You hadn't slept more than a couple of fitful hours any night since Hotch left.

The team was down three people and none of you had wanted to go through the hiring process of bringing in and training someone new. However, this meant a lot of extra work for Derek as the new Unit Chief. Rossi was chipping in a bit, but with JJ also gone and no media liaison, his job was becoming impossible. You and Rossi had split up some of the remaining work, with Penelope automating case selection using an algorithm she'd designed. You'd taken on most of the media liaison work in order to spare Derek when he was already on edge. You were all on edge though - all the time.

*------------*

The four of you - Derek, Reid, Rossi, and yourself - were in Austin for a case. There was some sort of convention going on and the killer seemed to be targeting attendees. They'd found two dead already. The team had arrived earlier in the morning and made some progress, but had nothing more to go on for the moment, so you'd all arrived at the hotel for the night.

"They only have two rooms," Derek tells the rest of you, returning from the front desk. With the convention, there hadn't been much space available and the two rooms available were only free because their occupants were dead. The hotel had worked quickly to flip over the crime scenes back into functioning guest rooms.

The three men turned to look at you. "I'll bunk with Derek, if that's okay," you respond, looking at him to confirm if he was alright with it. You didn't want to console Reid tonight and didn't have it in you to deal with Rossi's insistence on talking.

Derek nods and the four of you head up in the elevators to your respective rooms. Reid and Rossi get out on the third floor while you and Derek continue on to the fifth.

"You wanna shower first?" he asks you, opening the door and letting you in first.

"Yeah, that would be nice, thanks."

You go to get clean and when you return, Derek has the case files laid out on the room desk. Upon your exit, he goes to shower himself, leaving you to look over the files and browse through the snack bar. You hadn't had an appetite during dinner and a late night snack was definitely the right call.

By the time Derek got back, you'd made it through half the pack of peanut m&ms and were sitting on the edge of the bed. You look up at his emergence, pajama pants slung low on his hips, and for a second, you have to admire how incredibly fit he is.

"Is that from the boxing?" you ask, eyebrows raised as you more or less ogle his abs.

Derek laughs - a laugh that doesn't quite reach his eyes but the gesture is there. "You should let me train you, princess. I think you'd like it. Work off some of that aggression."

"Hmm, if you can promise me results like that, you're on." You scooch yourself up towards the headboard and pull the covers up, starting to feel just a little awkward about having picked him to bunk with.

"You got it."

He senses your hesitancy as he climbs into bed on the other side. "You're sure you're okay with this? I can take the couch."

"No, I just," you pause, unsure of how to explain. The only other person on the team you've ever shared a bed with is Emily. Emily who holds you and brushes a hand through your hair until you fall asleep. "Sorry, no. It's not you. It's…," you stop again, knowing you really shouldn't say anything at all. And yet, maybe…  "Emily used to cuddle," you mumble, your face immediately becoming warm.

You're not sure if it was because of how obviously embarrassed you are or because he too wouldn't mind having someone to hold right now, that Derek just smiles understandingly. "Come here, princess. We can cuddle too."

That's how you find yourself in a hotel room in the middle of Texas, Derek Morgan's strong arms wrapped around your waist, his lower half tilted respectfully away, and his lips grazing the top of your head in the sweetest way. He was no Emily, but he was exactly what you needed in that moment. You slept soundly for the first time in weeks.

*------------*

Strauss had shut down the investigation into Doyle. She'd cited jurisdiction and said that no one on the BAU was permitted to continue looking into it. You knew that both Derek and Rossi had protested against it, but it was to no avail.

This was the time where you felt angriest with Hotch for leaving. He would've stood up to Strauss way more. Nothing against Derek and Rossi, but Hotch no longer cared about the politics of the Bureau - you knew that by the way he'd stood up to her countless times before. Rossi didn't either but he also had an odd relationship with Strauss - something told you he actually liked her, so he was choosing to respect her decision on the matter.

Derek had far too much going on to wage a war against Strauss and keep running the team at the same time. You were on your own. You took out the card Easter had handed you at Emily's wake from the drawer it had sat in, along with the pearl earrings you'd worn that day. Pearls were for old women and funerals, as your mother used to say.

*------------*

"The Unsub is suspected to be a white male in his mid-to-late twenties. He will have poor social skills - he's probably someone who makes you uncomfortable but you can't figure out why. He will have a low income job which he does not like. He perceives himself as being better than those around him and likely had an older female figure in his life whom he feared. We ask that the public keep an eye out for any individuals meeting this description. Thank you."

You had just delivered the profile at the press conference for a serial rapist who was breaking into women's homes when they were alone, raping them, and then tattooing them with his signature, before leaving them unconscious, naked, and tied up outside their homes. It had been a harrowing few days and the entire city was on edge after the fourth victim had come forward, having been found by her neighbor early the next morning.

Derek looks up at you as you enter the room again. "You alright?"

You simply nod, sighing and lowering yourself into the chair next to him. Reid was working on the geographic profile and so far it seemed that you had your work cut out for you - there wasn't a pattern that was emerging. Rossi had gone out with the lead detective on the case to the newest crime scene. You watched Derek turn back and you could feel the frustration radiating off of him in waves. You have to wonder how much more these cases hit him.

It took another two days and one more victim before a real pattern emerged and after finally getting the results back from the lab, Garcia was able to track down the Unsub using a specific dye he was using in all of the women's tattoos. Everyone was upset with themselves - this was hardly a victory. You take note of how aggressively Derek puts the Unsub in handcuffs and shoves him towards the car.

It's evening by the time the plane lands in D.C. and you get back to the office. You're about to head out, but decide to swing by Derek's office to check on him. Grabbing your bag, you walk down the empty hallway towards his office.

"Hey," you say, arriving in his doorway. He's sitting in mostly darkness, only the light from his desk lamp illuminating his office.

He looks up at your voice, a soft smile gracing his face. "What're you still doing here?"

"Wanted to check in on you, boss," you tease, smiling back at him, and make your way into his office. You drop your bag to the floor and settle into the chair across from him, pulling your legs up. You had a feeling he wasn't leaving anytime soon, and you didn't really want him to be alone in the office on a Friday night.

He shakes his head as you make yourself comfortable and grab the top half of the files sitting directly in front of him, plucking a pen from the holder on his desk.

"You should go home, you didn't sign up for this."

You look up at him, taking in the eyebags and tired shoulders. "Neither did you."

The two of you work together and make a significant dent in the files that had sat on his desk. The growing stack of completed folders was motivating you to just barrel through. The more you two got done tonight, the less he would take home with him for the weekend.

You find yourself watching him as you work. You know this case was hard on him - both because of how brutally the victims had been treated as well as his own history with Carl Buford. Merely the thought of Buford was enough to piss you off - you were glad he was serving a life sentence, because when he'd first been arrested, it had taken everything in you to watch the detective put him in handcuffs and not punch him in the face. You'd barely known Derek back then, and yet you could tell how completely Buford's act had hurt him, changed him, and stayed with him.  

"How are you doing?" you ask softly, pausing your work and watching Derek's face carefully. He'd know what you meant.

Derek stops and looks up to meet your eyes. He puts down his pen and leans forward in his chair, across the desk. "I'm alright. They're always rough. Him being in prison didn't make this part any easier. But…I'm hanging in there, I guess."

You nod. He's not alright, but it doesn’t really help to vocalize that unless you have the time and capacity to deal with it. It's easier to say you're alright until you are.

"Are you?" He'd noticed you had been just a little off - just a little too nice to the victims, a little too eager to rough up the Unsub in the interrogation. He'd been on cases like this with you before, but it was the first time since Hotch and Prentiss were gone. Everything about you lately was like a raw nerve and he knew something wasn't quite right.

"What do you mean?" You hadn't expected him to ask you that.

Derek fixes you with the same look he gives you when he's coaching you in the ring and you try to pretend you hadn't carelessly left yourself exposed. That was the bad part about getting close to people - it becomes harder to cover yourself.

You take in his expression, knowing he wouldn't just let you avoid it. You shift to put the files on his desk, adjusting to pull your knees in front of you, feet planted firmly on the seat of the chair, and wrap your arms around your legs. The darkness of the office helps you feel less exposed.

"It wasn't the same as you. I wasn't a kid," you tell him, your voice low and eyes trained on his hands which lay on the desk. You'd been old enough to know better and you should've been strong enough and confident enough to stop it. It was so different from how it had been for him.

His brow wrinkled as he took in what you'd revealed. Standing slowly so as to not startle you, he comes around to your side of the desk and crouches down to be eye level with you. His hands rest on top of your, sending warmth throughout you. You look to meet his eyes, expecting to see something akin to pity - you didn't want him to see you that way. However Derek's eyes are warm and kind and so very him - not a hint of pity in them.

He appears to hesitate for a moment, but seems to convince himself to go through with it. "Who?"

You move your hand to grip his and he squeezes. Your voice is barely audible. "My ex, Matthew."

Derek sucks in a breath at the familiar name. He'd had some indication in the past that your ex-fiancé was bad news. After all, you'd ended an engagement with him and he knew you well enough to know you didn't make decisions like that lightly.

There was a lot you didn't talk about when it came to Matthew - while the truth about Julian's death had been the nail in the coffin, propelling your escape, your relationship with Matthew had been rocky for months preceding that. In hindsight, you wondered when it had ever been actually good.

You know you owed Derek more of an explanation, however. After all, he'd trusted you about Buford.

"It was towards the end," you continue, your voice scratchy as you blinked back tears. "I didn't really want to sleep with him anymore, but - ." You stop. You hadn't realized how hard it would be to share this with someone. Derek's thumb is rubbing soothingly against your hand and you decide to focus on that. "Fulfilling your duty - that's a big deal in the circles I'm from," you explain. "I was set to be his wife. I wasn't allowed to say no to my husband. So I just…let him do what he wanted."

Derek could tell it hadn't been a one time thing but he didn't think he could stand knowing how often that bastard had forced you into it. All he could see was how small you looked in the chair - he didn't have a doubt in his mind that the woman in front of him today was more than capable of dealing with a monster like that. But back then, with no one to teach you how to protect yourself, he could just imagine how scared you'd been and how going along with it had been your safest option.

He tries to stifle down the anger he feels but his hand is shaking and he knows you can tell. But he also knows what it's like to share something awful and then have to comfort the other person instead. So for you, he takes a deep breath and forces a sense of calm that he doesn't truly feel. To be fair, calm wasn't a feeling he was familiar with anymore.

"You being an adult doesn't change anything. You being in a relationship with him - that's not an excuse," he says, his large hand cupping your face, looking into your eyes. "What he did - only someone rotten to the core could do that. And you still got away. You won."

You lean into his touch and allow yourself to fall into him. Derek shifts on the floor, back against his desk, bringing you down next to him. His hand still clasped tightly in yours as your head comes to settle on his shoulder.

"Thank you."

And you know you don't have to ask him to not tell anyone. Of all people, he wouldn't.

*------------*

You had spent the entire day at the Zoo - Jack, Sophie, and Evan had wanted to see every single animal and had dragged you through the entire place twice.  You got a ton of photos of the three of them posing adorably in front of every exhibit. Jess would want a copy of every single one, you were sure. She and Andrew were spending the day at home without the kids and had plans to go dancing in the evening.

By the time you got back to Jess's place after grabbing burgers for dinner, it was late - late for children at least. Sophie and Evan were quick to clean themselves up, thanking you for everything, before turning in for the night. Jess had raised two really good kids and you got why it was easy for Hotch to leave Jack with her. You might not fully understand how he was able to leave Jack in the first place, but you could see that it was a little bit easier knowing that someone like Jess was there to help.

You and Jess had grown closer these last couple of months with Hotch gone. The first time you'd showed up at her door unannounced, she'd greeted you with a hug and welcome you in to see Jack. You'd been so grateful for her understanding. Seeing Jack made things feel a little better, if only for a few hours.

You approached the door to Andrew's office, which had been converted into Jack's bedroom. Knocking softly, you turned the knob at Jack's invitation. He had changed into his pajamas and was sat at the little play table in the room.

"Hey baby," you whispered, trying to keep your voice low so as to not disturb the other two kids. "What're you doing?"

Jack was sat in the little chair, his tiny hands gripping a marker in one hand. You walked towards him and sat on the ground next to his chair.

"Y/N, can you help me?" He mimics your soft tone, understanding that it was time to be more quiet.

"Of course I can. What do you need help with?"

"With my Val-Valem-Valentine's Day card," he explained, stumbling over the long word.

You smiled encouragingly. He was really getting better with the big words.

"Yeah, I can help. What do you need me to do?"

"Auntie Jess said we can mail it to Daddy," he said, pointing at the blue piece of construction paper that he'd folded in half. "Can you please draw the heart? Mine doesn't look right." The little pout on his face was too adorable to resist.

You looked at the card he was making. It already had Daddy written on it in Jack's childish handwriting and about a hundred stickers. Jack was indicating towards a small spot at the end right above his name.

Your heart aches, knowing that this is the kind of thing that Haley would've done with him. You're happy that at least Jess is around to make sure that Jack and Hotch both have some of these sweeter moments. Jess would think of something like this. Most of your actions around Jack were driven off of asking yourself what your own parents would do - and then doing the exact opposite. But things like this, you couldn't help but feel out of your depth - you wouldn't have even known to do it.  Your parents hadn't been the kind to appreciate things like children's artwork and homemade gifts.

You smile at Jack and ask him which color marker to use. He picks out a red one. You carefully outline a heart right where he'd pointed and then hand him the marker to color it in. Once he's done, he blows on it to make sure its dry, before closing the card.

"Jack, did you put all your love into the card?" you ask, quirking an eyebrow up at him.

He turns to you, confused. "I put hearts everywhere," he replies, pointing at all the stickers on the front of the card.

"That's good, but I think its missing that extra little something. Has anyone ever taught you how to put all of your love into a card, before?"

He shakes his head and you can tell he's intrigued.

Your voice is low as if revealing a secret, making him lean closer to you to hear. "Cards are special because they come from people we love," you explain, "But you can make them extra special. All you have to do is hold the card in your hands, close your eyes, and think about the person the card is for. Think about everything you love about them and let that feeling fill you up. Then you place a kiss on the inside of the card and when the other person opens it, they'll feel it. They'll feel all of your love for them when they read the card."

Jack is quiet for a bit as he thinks through what you said. You watch as he gets up and pushes his chair out of the way to sit by you on the ground. He looks up at you, card clenched tightly in both hands. "Will you do it with me, Y/N?" he asks, his brown eyes shining up at you, a perfect reflection of his father's. "That way Daddy has more love so he gets back home okay."

You force yourself to smile at his request. You can't tell a child that you're still pissed at his father for running off to Pakistan. "Of course baby, come here." Pulling Jack into your lap, you wrap your hands around his, clutching the card. "Alright, remember, close your eyes and think about everything you love about Daddy."

You know Jack is going to take this extremely seriously, so you know you have to as well. Closing your eyes you (temporarily) let go of the anger you feel towards Hotch. Instead you choose to remember his smile that brings out his dimples, the warmth that radiates off of him and penetrates you anytime he hugs you, that time he drove out forty-five minutes in the rain to help change your flat tire, the way he makes you feel completely safe anytime you're with him, and how good of a father he tries to be to Jack. You take a deep breath and let the good memories of him permeate through every part of you. When you open your eyes Jack is waiting for you, card open. You watch as he places a small dry kiss to the center of the card and then holds it up towards you. Tightening your hold on him, you lean forward and brush your lips against the same spot.

Jack quickly closes the card shut, as if afraid the love would float away otherwise. You stand up, lifting him along with you. After tucking the card in a safe spot, you help him get into bed and pick up the book on the nightstand. He's out before you even get to the second page.

*------------*

You hadn't heard much from Easter in the way of Ian Doyle. Part of you thought you should tell Morgan and Rossi that you'd contacted him, but you knew they'd object. You figured it was better to wait until there was something concrete. Easier to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission. However, you couldn't help but feel dejected at the complete lack of progress. Doyle seemed to be underground and there was no intel on his whereabouts.

Work hadn't improved - if anything it appeared the cases were even more rapid fire, as though Derek was taking on more and more to avoid being home at all. This was only the first night you were back in two weeks. The last two cases had come back to back, so you'd flown straight to Tampa from Utah. You did understand Derek in a way - staying busy was the only way to stop wallowing. But he was running everyone, especially himself, ragged.

You and Rossi had put your foot down with him on the jet and insisted on no new cases for at least two days. Penelope was under strict instructions to not even hint at a case to him. Rossi had promised her a nice bottle of Chianti for her trouble and she'd been easily persuaded after you told her how tired Derek looked.

As you parked and got out of the car, you felt an overwhelming sense of unease. You'd been around someone or the other for the past two weeks straight with hardly a moment alone. Derek and you had gotten oddly comfortable sleeping next to one another, so even in a room with two double beds, you'd found yourself in his bed or vice versa most nights. Walking into a large, empty house all by yourself felt intimidating.

You opened the door and set your bag just inside, before locking it again. You drove first to the corner store and picked out some supplies, before driving again towards your destination.

When Derek opened his door to you, you could see the slight surprise on his face at the sight. There you stood, still wearing the leggings and sweatshirt you'd changed into on the plane, clutching a bottle of scotch in one hand while your other was wrapped around a box of the powdered sugary donuts that were his ultimate weakness. He finds himself letting out a small chuckle as he waves you inside.

"Thought you'd gotten enough of me already. Isn't that why we're on mandatory time off?" He follows behind you as you flop yourself onto his familiar couch.

You rolled your eyes at him. "You know we all needed the time off."

He sits down beside you, reaching for the box of donuts. Your last meal had been an early lunch before the plane ride home and you reckon he hadn't eaten anything since then either. You take the top off of the bottle of scotch, and not bothering with a glass, just take a swig straight from the mouth.

Derek raises an eyebrow at that. "Something you wanna talk about, princess?" His mouth already had the sugar dust around ,it as he reaches for a second donut.

"Just didn't wanna be home alone," you mumble out, handing over the bottle to him and breaking off half the donut in his hand for yourself.

You sitting on his couch - that wasn't an unfamiliar sight for him. You drinking scotch straight from the bottle, however, that gave him some pause. You weren't really a cheap liquor straight from the bottle kind of girl - that had been more Prentiss's thing. Even though it was the higher end of the bodega scotch, it still wasn't at the level of stuff you kept stocked at your place. He had to surmise that you hadn't even bothered to go inside.

"Are things ever going to go back to normal, Derek?" You settled in closer to him and he could feel the warmth of your thigh against his own. Your question caught him by surprise, but it was really the way you sighed out his name that made his brain stutter.

He had to really think about the question. He'd asked himself that countless times and each time he'd give up on crafting a response - he didn't have one. It had been more than five months since Prentiss died and Hotch left him in charge. That hadn't been how he'd wanted to get the job and every day he became more and more certain that he actually never wanted it. Hotch had managed it all, on top of a kid and made it seem effortless. He'd known it wasn't of course - Hotch worked harder than anyone else in the Bureau, but he was also working his way into an early grave. Derek didn't like seeing himself on the same path. But he couldn't quit now. Not when you'd lost both Prentiss and Hotch. He wouldn't leave you or Reid like that.

Normal though, he couldn't even wrap his brain around the concept anymore. None of this was normal. Strauss was pressuring him to hire someone already but he was resistant still. Keeping the team as it was - you, Rossi, Reid, and Garcia - that was the closest thing within his grasp to normal. He wasn't ready to let that go.

He realizes he's been quiet for too long and you're still waiting for some sort of response. He turns and he's met with your large doe eyes looking right at him and your face is so close to his. For a second he thinks you're drunk already, but the bottle of scotch barely has a dent in it. You hadn't drank more since you'd passed it off to him.

"I don't know," he says, his voice low and deep, sending a pang deep in your stomach. His face is so close to yours but you know it's your own fault for moving to be right beside him. Derek hadn't done anything wrong. You'd shown up at his door, at night, a bottle of liquor in hand. You weren't sure what you were thinking - all you'd wanted was to not be alone. It was Derek and right now he was the only person that made you feel not alone.

Your head is still rested against his shoulder and his face is tilted towards yours. There's a look that passes between you. You're not sure which one of you leaned in first, only that his lips are pressed against yours. In the next second, you're hauled up and placed on his lap, knees resting on either side of him. You'd opened your mouth and he's exploring yours, drawing a moan from deep within as his large hands wrap around your back. He tastes like sugar and scotch and you know you taste the same. Your own hands travel under his shirt, mouth never once leaving his, the trail of your light, cold fingers sending a shiver down his spine. He's pulling you impossibly close against him and wow it's Derek but oh my goodness it's Derek but it's Derek and it's Derek and it's Derek. You're panting into his mouth and grinding yourself into his lap and it feels so good. You've managed to slip his t-shirt up and he breaks away from your mouth to pull it off all the way, giving you a moment to breathe.

Your eyes meet his again, only this time neither one of you leans in. The moment to breathe was a moment of clarity and you both watch one another with uncertain eyes. He breaks first, and the sound of his laugh - the first truly happy laugh you've heard from him in months - sets off yours as well. It feels incredible to laugh again - like it’s a high. To laugh and to have it reach your eyes and to see it reflected in his - you hadn't realized how foreign that had become to you.

His chest rumbles underneath you as you come to grips with your situation. His hands drop from your waist and yours come back to your side as you swing your leg to get off of his lap. The remnants of laughter still linger between you as he slips his shirt back on over his head.

His hand finds yours on the couch and squeezes. "Are we going to be okay?" he asks, the laughter finally subsiding.

"We are okay," you tell him swiping at the sugar on his chin.

He nods, pushing up off of the couch and then reaching back to pull you up as well. "Alright then, princess. Let's go to bed."

Hand still gripped in his, you follow him to the bedroom.

It had been five months too long of this new not normal.

[yayeetsonny]

Keeping Secrets~USWNT x Baby Reader

Prompt: Team finds out baby r has epilepsy.

Requested by: @khiaraaa-in-spacee​

TW: Depictions of seizures and mentions of them.

Y/N PRO//

My name is Y/N L/N and I have epilepsy. Having epilepsy is hard because a lot of people assume that there is just the one kind, where a person suddenly falls to the ground and experiences uncontrollable muscle movement. While that is a common form that it can take there are several other types. Like mine, I experience Typical absence seizures, this means that when I am experiencing one I stop whatever it was I was doing and it can look like I’m frozen or zoning out, my eyelids flutter quite a bit and my ams jerk slightly sometimes too. When these happen I don’t realize it until it’s over.  Most of the time I have several in a row so when everything is over I tend to be a little confused. 

I try not to let it define my life. I’m also a member of the United States Women’s National soccer team. I’m the youngest player on the squad at 15 and the team is over protective to say the least. They tend to overdue it by a lot when we’re on the field, for example if I go down injured at all they swarm me, asking if I’m okay a million times and calling the medical staff over for the tiniest injuries.. Off the field is much the same, they wake me up at the same time every morning because

“Having a routine is important.” 

Christen has told me this a thousand times, doesn’t mean I like being woken up at 5:30 am everyday, off days included. (That is unless I’m sick, then they make me hate naps) Once I’m up they make me get dressed and they carry me down to the dining hall where all the food is set up. When they first started doing this I protested being carried, citing that I was a big girl and I had two legs that worked perfectly fine but, after a look from Ali and Ashlyn I just let it happen. The veterans of the team also stormed the coaching staff’s office demanding that they find a way to make breakfast available for me (and them) when I wake up. They didn’t do this to be snobby or high maintenance they say its because

“If don’t eat right away in the morning, you get grouchy.” 

I don’t, but they think I do so I just let them have it and eat by 6 everyday. 

I haven’t told the team that I have epilepsy because I don’t want to scare them or freak them out. It’s not that I’m ashamed of it or anything it’s just that I don’t want them to feel like they have to worry about me even more than they already do.

“Hey Y/N! You in there?” Kelley asks appearing out of nowhere.

“What? Oh, sorry what’s up?”

���We just wanted to see if you wanted to go to the coffee shop around the corner with us.” 

She pointed to nearly half the team, including all the vets who were looking at me with concern written all over their faces.

“I think I’ll stay here, thanks anyways.”

“Are you sure? You love that place.” Kelley said frowning.

She was right, I had never turned down going there, especially with her. I wasn’t going to tell her this but I had forgot to take my seizure medicine so I need to stay back to take it before I forgot.

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Okay, well, we’ll bring you something back then.” 

“Y/N?” Christen grabbed my hand before I could start walking to the elevators to go back to my room.

“Yeah Chris?”

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I just wanna make sure. You know, me and the other veterans wouldn’t mind staying with you. We could hang here and watch movies or play board games or if you want we could all lay down and nap together, I know how much you love the “Cuddle puddle” we create.”

“I’m okay, really. Go have fun with the others. I think I’m just gonna go read my book in my room.”

“Okay, see you later.”

She gave me a hug before leaving, I watched as she explained what we talked about to the other vets and I saw several of them turn back to look at me. I shrugged at them before turning on my heel and heading back to my room. 

Once there, I took my medicine out of its hiding place, making sure to take the right dosage I then put it back and make sure it would stay hidden. I had to hide it because the girls always double check my bag before we leave any where we’ve stayed to make sure I have all my stuff. It’s nice sometimes but it also can get a little annoying.

There was a sudden knock at my door making me jump a little. Who could that be? The players who stayed behind were those that loved to nap and or they didn’t like coffee and almost all of them needed to have there alone time so getting a visitor is rare. After looking through the peephole I saw it was my roommate and best friend Morgan.

“Hey Moe! I thought you went with the others?” I said as I let her in.

“I did but I forgot my sunglasses. Have you seen them?”

“Um, I think you left them on the bathroom sink.”

“Oh that’s right! Okay, well got ‘em! See you later.”

“See you.” 

After she left I was able to go back to reading my book, It was pretty peaceful and I had almost made it half way through when I stopped. The book fell out of my hands and onto the floor with a loud thud. 

My eyelids fluttered and my fingers twitched and then just like that it was over. They only last 10-20 seconds, which isn’t long at all but for me it often feels like hours before I am aware of my surroundings again. Okay, there’s one. Am I going to have more?

My medicine has reduced them but it doesn’t stop them completely and some days it doesn’t work at all. I would go to a doctor to fix the prescription but since I can’t drive and the girls don’t know I just leave it be. 

“Oh boy, today is gonna be a long day.” I say to no one but myself before I slowly stand up and go to the sink to splash water on my face. 

We have practice in 45 minutes and I know the girls will want me to be ready a few minutes early. After I take my time changing into my gear and double checking that I do indeed look okay I make my way down to the lobby so that I can get on the bus before everyone else. I choose to sit all the way in the back and put my earbuds in so they know I don’t want to be bothered. But it seems Megan didn’t get the memo because she sits down right next to me and yanks the earbud out of my ear, putting it in her own.

“Hey kid, where you been? We brought back your favorite drink but you weren’t in your room.”

“I’ve been here.” I say shortly

“Okay?”

“Sorry I’m just tired.”

“You should’ve taken a nap before practice Y/N. What have we told you about that?”

“That I get grouchy without one, I know.”

“Do you?” 

“Yes! I’m sorry, okay? I forgot, I’ll take one when we get back.”

“I’ll be having a discussion with Carli, Chris, Alex, and the others about what we can do to help you remember.” She said leaving no room for argument.

Ugh, I hate when they have “Veteran meetings” about me. After they’ve decided something, they sit me down and all crowd around me so that if I get upset, they can comfort me. 98% of the time whatever they tell me isn’t a big deal, like a curfew. I can deal with that or even an early bedtime when I get sick or injured. But I draw the line on some things.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me Y/N.”

“Whatever.”

“Are we gonna have to talk about your attitude too?” 

“No. Sorry.”

“Mhm, what I thought.”

We finally arrived at the training facility we were practicing at this camp before our up coming international friendlies, and I grabbed my stuff and ran off the bus so I wouldn’t have to deal with Megan giving me the look anymore. 

“Y/N! Walk please!” I heard Alex shout from behind me but I ignored her.

Ali PRO//

“Okay is it just me or she acting weird?” I asked, concerned for our youngest teammate 

“Mmm, she’s just in a mood.” Megan said

“Okay, but she knows how we feel about her running anywhere that’s not the field, she’s the clumsiest kid we know. Plus, she always listens to me.” Alex said

She made a good point, she listened to all of us 9 times out of 10, some more than others but still. We all just stood there, letting the young players off first while we continued discussing our kid’s weird behavior.

“Hey guys?” 

“Yeah Ash?”

“What’s this?”

She held up a pill bottle that none of us had seen before. On it in big bold letters, was the name Y/N L/N and it was a medicine called Ethosuximide with the name (Zarontin) in parentheses. What the hell?

“What is that and why does she have it?” Christen asked angrily.

“I don’t know but I’m gonna find out right now.” Ashlyn said as she stomped off the bus.

“Ash, Ash hold on!” 

I stood in front of her trying to get her to stop walking.

“Why?”

“I know you, you aren’t going to let her explain and you’ll jump to conclusions.”

“What’s there to explain Ali? None of us have ever seen her take pills before and we all know she doesn’t have any medical conditions. We made Vlatko give us her file remember?”

“Yes but you should still let her explain.”

Ashyln was growing more upset and I was having a hard time keeping her at bay. As we got closer to the locker room the players who were already on the field or heading out attention was drawn to our argument. 

“Ash, cool it. Young ones in the vicinity.” Alex said referring to the “youngins” as Becky called them.

“I don’t care. I’m talking to her right now.”

There was nothing me, Alex or any of the other veterans could do to stop her from storming into the locker room.

“Y/N Y/M L/N!”

She came over to the front of the room quickly, startled and looking slightly terrified. She had yet to spot the pill bottle Ashyln was holding behind her back.

“Yeah Ash? What’s up?”

“ “What’s up?” she says. What’s up? That’s all you have to say?” Ashlyn had a bite to her tone that made me shiver. She can be mad intimidating when she wants to be. 

“Yes?”

“What’s up Y/N, is this.” 

As soon as she saw what she was holding all the color drained from Y/N’s face and I was afraid  she might faint. 

“Y/N… Sweetie, you’re okay. We’re just a little worried about you.” Chris said stepping forward and blocking her view of Ashlyn’s “Mean face” 

She tried to reach for Y/N but she turned away from her and made a move to leave.

“Uh you know, I really should get out on the field with the others. See you guys out there!”

Alex grabbed her around the waist and held her in her arms tightly so she couldn’t go anywhere. She tried to get her to let go but gave up when she realized Alex was too strong.

“Shhh, deep breaths. You’re okay. It’s just us. It’s okay.” Alex cooed softly in her ear.

I could tell that she was scared and was trying not to let her walls down.

“It-it’s not anything bad I swear!” 

“Really, then what is it?” 

“It’s just… can we just talk about it later? Please.”

“No, what is this and why do you have it?” 

“I- Please just let me go practice.”

“Y/N…”

“I have epilepsy, okay?! There, can I go practice please?”

She freed herself from Alex and ran out onto the field. We all chased after her and Christen tried to catch her but she was saved by the whistle.

“Ladies! Let’s go, stop messing around and get to work!” Dawn yelled, we knew it was directed at us.

After that we had no choice but to let it go and practice. We did the usual, stretching and warm up and then position group training, individual for some and scrimmages to end the session. Were half way through a scrimmage whenI noticed Y/N stop moving. It was like she was frozen, she wasn’t moving except for her arms that were jerking slightly and I could see her eyelids fluttering. She must be having a seizure. I thought. I rushed over to her stopping practice and tried everything to get her to snap out of it. Many of our teammates also tried to no avail and everyone was gathered around her unsure of what to do.

“Okay let’s give her some space.” Ashlyn said

I stayed close in case I had to prevent her from falling and hitting her head or needed to do anything else to help her.

She continued to seize, each one only lasted 10 seconds but she had 5 in a row and when those had stopped she only came to for a few seconds before she started to experience a second wave. In total she was unresponsive for almost a minute and half straight. Christen had put her arms on her shoulders, trying to let her know she was there.

“Y/N, it’s okay. We’re here. You’re okay.”

“What do we do?”

“We just have to let her know we’re here.”

“What’s going on? Is she okay?”

Several of the younger players looked scared and unsure of what to do, so Tobin and Megan took them away from where Y/N was and tried to reassure them she was gonna be okay.

Y/N PRO//

Everything finally started to come back into focus and at this point I had been moved to the ground and I was sitting in Chris’s lap as she held me. When I was fully out of the state I had been in I started to try to push her away, I was disoriented and confused and I didn’t remember what I was doing here.

“Hey, hey it’s okay. Y/N you’re safe, it’s okay.” Becky said as I settled down and the rest of the team begin trying to help me.

Chris held me the whole time, cooing in my ear and trying to keep me calm. Everything was super loud and my mind and body had gone into sensory overload trying to come back to practice. When I realized what happened and I was able, I pushed my way out of Christen’s arms, and ran back to the locker room. After that I ignored everyone and their questions about what was going on. I was the first back on the bus and had planned to continue ignoring everyone. The Vets of the team had other ideas however and put an end to it quickly.

“You feeling better little one?”

“Yeah Al, I am.”

“That was really scary.”

“I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about babe. But can I ask you something?” Ali said

“Sure, shoot.”

“Did you take your medicine today?”

“Yeah, I did it just doesn’t work well.” I said timidly

“What do you mean?”

“It’s the right dosage, it just doesn’t work well enough most of the time.”

“Why didn’t you get it adjusted?”

“I didn’t want anyone to find out about it.”

“That’s dangerous, you know that right?”

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I know you were scared. We’ll take you to get it adjusted as soon as possible.”

“Thank you.”

When we got back to the hotel I dropped off my stuff and decided to go for a walk. I needed to think about some things, and I knew the girls wanted to have a more in depth talk about what happened but I wasn’t ready. Eventually though I made my way back to the room and when I opened the door my roommate was there to greet me.

“Hey babe! You came back to me!’ Moe said dramatically as I entered our room.

“I’ll always come back to you, baby.” I said jokingly

“You better. My life is so boring without you!”

“I am the life of the party I’ve been told.”

“Ha ha, If anyone is the life of the party its Crystal. Girl can dance.”

“Definitely.”

“Have you talked to the others since we got back?”

“Uhh... no. I’m sorta avoiding them.” I said rubbing the back of my neck.

“You know that they’ll want to talk to you about it eventually right? I’m sure they’re worried about you.”

I was unsure of what to do because I didn’t really want to talk to them about it but I knew I had to. After another hour of avoiding it, I got up and made my way to Alex’s room. I knocked on the door timidly and waited for it to open.

“Y/N? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. I just was wondering if I could talk to you all?” I said as I saw almost all the older players in her room.

“Of course.”

We got to talking about what happened and I told them about the condition I had and when it first appeared and all the while Alex held me in her lap, cooing in my ear when I would start to get emotional and the others sat around us doing there best to let me know they were there.

“Why didn’t you just tell us?” Ashlyn asked 

“I was just afraid.”

“You don’t ever have to be afraid to tell us these things. I’m sorry you felt the need to hide it from us.” JJ said.

“I know today was scary for everyone. I think I should tell the whole team everything soon.”

“Are you sure? You shouldn’t feel like you have to, if you’re not ready that’s okay too.”

“I am, it’s okay. Will you guys be there?”

“Of course, always.”

“I love you guys.”

“We love you too.”

I knew that some of them were still a little hurt that I hadn’t told them sooner or they felt bad because they weren’t able to protect me but I knew we would be okay.

we agreed to be more honest with each other going forward and When it came time for me to tell the entire team the older players were there to support me and help me explain everything. They were all super supportive and assured me that they didn’t see me any differently.

After our heart to heart we decided to do some much needed team bonding.

Rose showed me a Tick tok of a bulldog trying to reach a cake that was just out of its reach and failing (or succeeding) spectacularly as it splattered in the floor.

“Wilma would totally do this!” I said laughing at the thought of Rose’s dog doing something similar.

“She totally would but I would give her a hand.” Rose giggled.

Kelley succeeded in putting a cup on her head with only her feet and I was in awe of her flexibility. I attempted to do the same but I failed miserably and pouted as everyone laughed at me.

“Good try kid. You’ll get it eventually.” Kel said.

We ended up playing cup pong (the clean version), Jenga, Sorry, Truth or Dare, and twister. We also tried playing hide and seek through out the hotel but we got in trouble with the managerial staff and almost got the whole team kicked out. Let’s just say that Vlatko was not too pleased… 

Sam, Rose, Sonnett, Lindsey and Mal choreographed a new dance and performed it for everyone. We all watched for over an hour as these knuckleheads tried to get it all down perfectly.

“Oh my god you guys, try again tomorrow when you actually know the dance.” Tobin said exasperated

“No, no we can do this. Right guys?” 

“Yes we can.”

“Oh, definitely.”

“Just give us a minute.”

“We got this.”

We watched on as they tried and failed to prove that they had it, but we all gave them an A+ for effort anyways.

“We would have gotten it, if you guys had just been patient enough.” Sam grumbled.

“We watched for over an hour, you know this team, they can’t sit still forever.” I giggled.

“I guess you’ve got a point.” Sam chuckled.

“Hey! We’re not that bad at sitting still.” Kelley protested.

“Uh, yeah Kel. We are.”

The whole team giggled at that and agreed that together asking us to sit still for long periods was useless.

After that we made pies and cupcakes and they were actually really good, but things took a turn when I decided to smash Ali’s face in a pie. She then chased me down the hall trying to get me back.

“Y/N, get back here!”

“Becky! Save me!”

“No way kid. Not trying to get punched.” She said before she closed her door.

“Traitor!” I yelled as I continued to run from a pissed off Ali Krieger. 

She eventually caught up to me and attacked me with kisses and tickles. I ended up covered head to toe in pie filling after she got hers all over me and then found another one and got revenge.

“Aw man, you got me.” I said as I giggled wildly as she tickled me some more.

“This whole team loves you so much. You know that right?” Alex would later tell me that night as we all snuggled on the two beds in the room I shared with Morgan. 

“Yeah, I know. I love you guys too.” 

They drive me nuts with the constant hovering and weird, silly rules they make me follow but I am so grateful to have them in my life and to have such an amazing group of friends who love and support me no matter what. Me and my 23 best friends are family for life and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

//

THE END

If I got anything wrong, I’m so sorry. I did the best research that I could. Sorry for any mistakes.

-N

[spine-buster]

The President Wears Prada (William Nylander) | Chapter 10

A/N:  The response to last chapter was so amazing and I have been LOVING answering your anons and comment questions!  I hope this chapter brings some much needed, uh, happiness to your lives.  We’re seeing them get closer and closer..........😊

November 19th, 2019

Aberdeen Bloom was eating Doritos straight out of the bag.  

It was a Tuesday night, and she was on the couch with Minerva in her lap and Kasha beside her watching TV.  The Leafs had lost to Las Vegas 4-2, and Aberdeen was ready to call it an early night – if only so she could put a facemask on before she went to bed.  She didn’t have to be in the office tomorrow until about 10, which meant that she could sleep in.  Plus, her eyes hurt.  She’d been reading like a mad woman during all her days off, researching everything she could and trying to learn the history of the Maple Leafs: all the different players, the eras, the iconic moments, the not-so-iconic moments – everything.  It was a lot to learn, but she knew that the second she typed the words into the Google search bar.  She also knew she wouldn’t learn everything in four days, but alas, she was trying.  She was doing what she knew she had in her.  She was trying.  

Kasha snuck one last Dorito before she rolled up the bag and put it back in the designated “snack” cupboard in their kitchen.  They folded up the blanket, fluffed the pillows on the small couch, and made sure Minerva had some food and water in her bowl before closing the curtains and retreating to their bedrooms.  Minerva hopped onto Aberdeen’s bed, and she scratched behind Minerva’s ears which she knew she liked before changing into her pajamas and going to her washroom to wash her face.  

“Do you mind if I phone Evan?” Kasha called out from her bedroom.  “I won’t be too loud, I promise.”

“Go for it!” Aberdeen said, truly not minding.  She’d hear a few mumbles at most – nothing more – and she knew because Kasha did this often.  It was sweet, and they were cute, and Aberdeen honestly didn’t mind.  Kasha’s dad still didn’t know, which meant they were in their own world, which was nice.  She and Kasha were still harbouring secrets for each other, as they always would.

Minerva meowed when she came back in the room.  Aberdeen sat on her bed and cradled her in her arms for a few minutes, scratching and kissing her all over.  Just as she was about to shut off her light and tuck herself into bed, her phone began to ring.  She looked over to see Brendan’s name flashing across the screen.  

She froze.  Brendan never called this late.  She picked up immediately.  “Good evening Mr. Shanahan,” she greeted him.

“You need to be ready in half an hour with a suitcase packed for four days,” he said, his voice stern but sounding somewhat preoccupied.

Aberdeen stood up immediately.  “Oh, okay.  Of course.  Um, why?” she asked.

“We’re taking a red eye to Phoenix.”

She felt like throwing up.  That had to mean something was wrong with the team.  A player was injured, or being traded, or maybe demoted?  What if it had something to do with Kyle?  What if it was about John?  Was his captaincy at risk because they had only won two games in regulation in the past sixteen games?  “Okay.  No problem.”

“I’ll be there with Lou in half an hour.  Tell nobody,” he said before he hung up the phone abruptly.  

Aberdeen began to freak out.  She changed into a pair of clothes and threw her suitcase onto her bed, Minerva meowing at her and watching as she stuffed outfits into her suitcase.  Minerva even tried climbing into the suitcase a few times, which made Aberdeen sad – all she wanted to be doing was cuddling with her cat, not thinking about the Leafs.  She grabbed her travel bags that had her toiletries and travel-sized skincare and makeup products and threw them in as well.  When she was finished, she zipped it up.  She took a deep breath.

Minerva meowed.

“I’m sorry baby,” she whispered, scratching behind Minerva’s ears again.  She grabbed her credentials off her dresser and put them around her neck.  

She exited her room and knocked softly on Kasha’s door.  “Give me a second,” Aberdeen could hear her say to Evan.  “Come in.”  Aberdeen opened the door, popping in about half way.  Kasha immediately saw that Aberdeen was wearing regular clothes.  The look of worry on Aberdeen’s face was a tell-tale sign something was wrong.  She put her phone against her chest.  “Oh my God Aberdeen, what’s wrong?”

“I’m taking a red-eye to Phoenix,” she whispered, making sure Evan wouldn’t be able to hear her through the phone.  Not that he’d say anything.  “Something’s happening.”

“What’s happening?” Kasha asked, her eyes wide.

“I don’t know.  Brendan hasn’t told me.  But this is very unexpected and I’ve just had to pack for four days which means I’ll be in Colorado too.  I’ll be back Sunday.  But can you please watch Minerva?  I know you weren’t supposed—”

“Aberdeen, of course, it’s not even a question,” Kasha said.  

“You can’t tell anyone I’m going,” Aberdeen said.  “I don’t know what’s happening, but you can’t say a word.”

“No no, of course not,” Kasha shook her head.  “Can you at least text me when you land?  So I know you’re safe?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Aberdeen nodded, her mind running a mile a minute.  What if it was William?  What if it was Jason?  “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, Aberdeen.  This is your job now,” Kasha said.  “I’ll take care of Minerva, don’t worry.”

***

Aberdeen waited in the condo lobby for the town car.  When she saw it pull up, she began walking towards it, pulling her suitcase behind her.  Lou got out and loaded it in the trunk for her, and she opened the back door to sit in her usual seat.  

Brendan was, of course, already there, in a pair of slacks and a comfortable looking sweater.  “Hi Mr. Shanahan,” she said, putting on her seatbelt.  It was then and only then that she noticed another presence in the front seat.  Usually, of course, it was just her and Brendan.  

“Aberdeen, the only people who know the following information I’m about to tell you are Larry, Kyle, myself, and Lou,” he began.  She nodded her head, not believing she was privy to this information before so many other people just by virtue of having to travel with Brendan.  She glanced over quickly to the man in the front seat.  She saw a familiar face smiling back at her.  “You know Sheldon Keefe,” Brendan said as he noticed them looking at each other.

“Of course,” she said.  He was head coach of the Marlies.  He was around often.  Had multiple meetings with Brendan throughout her time working there.  

“Well, he’s the new head coach of the Toronto Maple Leafs.”

***

November 20th, 2019

After boarding the MLSE private jet – not first class on a commercial flight, not even another chartered flight, the MLSE private jet – and everyone sleeping most of the way to Phoenix, they landed and immediately checked into the same hotel as the team without telling a single soul.  Everyone went straight to bed but were notified by Brendan that they had to “lay low” for the next day and would be leaving for the arena, where the team would hold their practice, at 1:30pm.  Aberdeen barely slept, and had to stay cooped up in her room so nobody would see her and know Brendan arrived.  It was torture.  

When she arrived at the arena with Brendan and Sheldon, Brendan told her to sit in the stands and wait.  That’s when she got really nervous, because she knew he was prepping himself to fire Mike Babcock right after the practice, even though it was going on as they spoke.  But she did as she was told, sitting and clutching her iPad in her lap so hard her knuckles were white.  

She noticed William first, of course, his blonde hair peeking through his helmet, as he kneeled on one knee in front of Mike Babcock as he addressed the team.  John, Jason, Auston, Tyson – they were all there, and she picked them out one by one.  Everybody was facing away from her, looking at the whiteboard.  Her leg bobbed up and down uncontrollably.  In a mere, what, thirty minutes, they wouldn’t even have to listen to him anymore.

When the team stood up and did some last-minute drills, Aberdeen noticed Kasperi look in her direction.  William was skating over to him, and when he stopped in front of him, William did a double take.  Her heart fluttered at the moment she knew he realized it was her.  He would have almost missed his cue for the drill if Kasperi didn’t tap him.  When he was finished the set-up drill and skated back to his place, he looked in her direction again, transfixed.  

That was when her phone buzzed.  She took it out and saw a series of texts coming through from Brendan.  

Kyle will be texting you soon.  Please go into the locker room with him while he speaks to the team about the coaching change.  Sheldon will be there too.  Let me know how it goes, as I will be speaking to Mike.  

When we release the announcement expect crazy media.  I will speak to them.  Kyle will not.  If Kyle is not done speaking to the team by the time the announcement is sent out and media comes in, don’t worry.  Stay with Kyle.

I think the team will appreciate seeing your friendly face when this comes down.

You will have to help set up for a media press conference tomorrow but the Coyotes will also provide help.  Me Kyle & Sheldon.

Thank you for not leaking.

By the time she looked up from her phone, half of the team was already down the tunnel.  John, Morgan, and Auston had stayed out to speak with Mike a little bit more, but she took that as her cue to leave the stands and at least start making her way towards the locker room.  She knew the team probably had to undress, shower, and change into their regular clothes before Kyle said anything to them, but she was so anxious she couldn’t help it.

Another buzz from her phone.  This time, when she looked at it, ‘Head Empty’ showed – the name she put for William, so nobody would know it was him.

why are u here?

She had to resist every urge in her to reply.  She couldn’t.  Brendan had sworn her to secrecy, and had already thanked her for that secrecy.  If she typed even one word, William would know what was going on.  So she ignored him.

whats going on minskatt?

is everything ok?

pls answer me minskatt. what is happening

can i come see u?  where are u?

She put her phone on silent.  She couldn’t take it.  She held in every emotion she had as she walked through the arena and hallways, flashing every worker her credentials, before finally arriving at the visiting team’s area.  She walked through the doorway and saw Kyle.  He smiled and waved her over.  

“Thanks for coming,” he said as she approached him, still clutching the iPad to her chest.  

“Yeah, of course.  No problem.”

“You know Aberdeen, Brendan trusts you,” he said.  He could tell she was nervous by how white her knuckles were.  He thought that maybe saying that would put her at ease.  “That he made you come on this trip – that he made you privy to the information before a lot of other people…that says a lot.”

Aberdeen shrugged her shoulders.  She wasn’t so sure.  “I’m just doing my job Kyle.  He told me to be packed in thirty minutes and I was packed in thirty minutes.”

“But you didn’t leak it.”

Aberdeen furrowed her brows.  “I…why would I leak it?” she asked.  It was the most absurd concept to her.  “I would never do something like that. He thanked me for not leaking it too—”

“I know,” Kyle smiled slightly.

“But why?” she asked again.  “There’s nothing in it for me.”

“Really?  It’s interesting you see it that way,” Kyle said.  “You could have sold that information to any newspaper or reporter and they would have offered you a job.  A chance to write, which is apparently what you want to do, according to Brendan at least.  But you didn’t.”

Aberdeen hadn’t even considered that.  Sell the information for a writing gig at a national newspaper?  She didn’t even know the opportunity was there, truthfully.  What it revealed to her more than anything was that others had done it before – betrayed the team in some way.  She couldn’t even consider it.  She shook her head.  “This is my job,” she said, her voice small.  “I would never burn this bridge.  I’d never sell Brendan or the team out like that for personal gain.”

Kyle smiled.  “I’m going to chock it up to the fact that you’re young,” he said.  “You’re only twenty-one, Aberdeen.  This city is rife with opportunity for people who take advantage of others.  But you’re not like that – at least yet.”

“I’d never take advantage of someone.”  

Kyle smiled.  “Good.  I like a person with conviction.”  His eyes left hers as he noticed someone walking behind her.  He nodded his head at whoever it was.  “You ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

He opened the door for her, ushering her into the locker room.  As she turned a corner, she saw all the guys sitting at their stalls.  Quite a few of them noticed her come in and looked shocked.  When they saw Kyle follow behind her, they knew something was up.  

“Hey guys,” Kyle began, addressing the room.  “I know John let you know you all needed to stay back.  It’s because I need to speak to you guys.”  Aberdeen looked to her left and saw Sheldon lurking in the shadows.  He smiled at her and she smiled back.  “I want us to have a long, constructive conversation before you guys go back out there…because when you do, there’s going to be a big change,” Kyle continued.  A lot of the guys looked confused.  “That change being…well…Mike Babcock has been relieved of his coaching duties with our club,” he announced.  She watched as some of their jaws dropped.  “And your new head coach is someone many of you know very well – Sheldon Keefe.”

When Sheldon walked into the room and stood beside Kyle, the team broke out into a round of applause.  Guys like Zach, Travis, and Andreas were smiling and clapping for him so Aberdeen could only assume that they had played for him on the Marlies.  Jason seemed extremely happy.  Tyson looked like the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders.  

She watched William.  She couldn’t tell what he was feeling.

***

November 21st, 2019

It was William who texted Aberdeen first that night, when they got back to the hotel after the game.  im coming over and u cant stop me.  At least he gave her warning this time so she didn’t have a sheet mask on and her hair wrapped in a towel.  When she heard the lightest knock on her door, against all her better judgement, she ran over and opened it.  

William slipped into her room, wearing trackpants and a Gucci t-shirt that probably cost more than her last paycheque.  She closed the door and locked it before turning around to face him.  “Hi,” she said, her breath caught in her throat.  Here he was, in her hotel room…again.

“Why didn’t you answer my texts after practice?” he asked, getting right into it, not bothering with pleasantries.  

“Will, I couldn’t,” she said.  “I knew but I couldn’t say anything.  I couldn’t risk it.  Brendan swore me to secrecy.  I was on my couch eating Doritos, and then one hour later I was on the MLSE private jet on my way here.  I still can’t believe I am here.”

William nodded his head.  He broke eye contact with her as he walked over and sat on the edge of the bed.  “I’m sorry.  I was just – I was just so worried when I saw you.  I mean I was happy, don’t get me wrong, but you know.”

“Yeah.”  She looked at him, lost in his own thoughts.  There was a moment of silence because, Aberdeen thought, he was still processing everything that happened today – and that didn’t include the game they won.  A good start for a new coach, she thought.  “Will?”

“Yes minskatt?”

“How are you feeling about everything?”

He let out a long breath – one he didn’t know he was holding in – as he pushed himself further onto the bed.  He rubbed his face with his hands as she moved to sit on the opposite side of the bed cross-legged.  “I don’t even know minskatt,” he finally admitted.

“I mean…I don’t mean to tell you what to think, but there must be some…I don’t know…relief,” she said cautiously.

He looked over at her, smiling slightly.  “Yeah.  Relief.”

“Because, you know…the backhanded compliments.  You don’t have to take his shit anymore.  You have a coach now who actually, like, values you and your skill and doesn’t throw you under the bus all the time,” she clarified.

“Yeah, I guess.  Conflicted that I feel relief, though.”

It was glaringly obvious that he didn’t want to talk about it – well, that, or he really didn’t know what to feel about it all.  He was hard to read; he didn’t wear his heart on his sleeve like she did most of the time.  And she didn’t know whether to blame him, the time of night they were having this conversation, or something else.  “Will—”

“Minskatt—”

“Can you just like…talk to me, please?” she asked, her voice just above a whisper.  She didn’t even look at him; she looked down and fiddled with the rings on her fingers nervously instead.  “I just want to make sure you’re okay, Will.”

His hand reached out and grabbed hers in her lap, making her stop fiddling with her rings.  Her skin felt like it was on fire as she looked up at him as he rubbed his thumb quickly over the back of her hand.  Her mind quickly flashed back to the first night they were together in her bed – how electrifying his touch was then, too.  Nothing had changed.  “I’ll be fine, minskatt.  You don’t have to worry about me,” he said, shifting to lie down on his side with her hand still in his.  

But she did.  That was her problem.  She was getting herself deeper into this mess even though she knew she had to get out.  Like, he wasn’t even supposed to be here, yet here he was.  Never mind just being in her hotel room – now he was on her bed.  Lying down.  “Will—”

“There’s been a lot of change in my life already, minskatt.  This is nothing,” he smirked, letting go of her hand.  

She knew that.  She remembered what he told her about his family moving around a lot.  It seemed like the only thing constant for him was change.  She thought maybe his long-term contract brought an end to that, but there were so many other variables in hockey she constantly forgot about.  “So long as you’re alright,” she said.  

“You know what would make it more alright?”

“What?”

“If you tell me how freaked out you were stepping onto that private jet for the first time,” he smiled.

Aberdeen started to giggle uncontrollably.  She shielded her face in her hands and shook her head, hearing William’s infectious laugh.  “Don’t even get me started.”

“Come on!” he beckoned.  

“It was torture.”

“Torture?”

“I’m not used to all that, Will,” she said, finding herself lying down on her side to face him.  She probably shouldn’t have.  “Like obviously it was nice – don’t get me wrong.  Beautiful.  But it was all so…crazy.”

“Crazy?” he just kept repeating her words.  

“Not all of us are accustomed to Gucci t-shirts and private jets,” she chastised.  “God, Will.  Sometimes I feel like the theme song to Murder, She Wrote is just playing in your head on a constant loop.”

“What’s it sound like?”

“Oh my God,” she mumbled, pulling her phone out from charging and opening the YouTube app to find the song.  She played it out loud for William, and the more the theme played, the harder William laughed.  His eyes crinkled and his smile stretched across his face; her eyes crinkled at the sound of his ridiculous laugh.  More than anything, she was just happy that he was laughing after everything that had happened.  

Will shoved his face into the pillow as he continued to laugh, the song ending not long after.  “Nobody roasts me quite like you do, Aberdeen.”

She thought about the list of the things she’d say he looked like whenever he asked “What do you think?” when he walked in with his game-day suit on, her most recent being, “You look like a medium pepperoni pizza with garlic dipping sauce.”  The guys got a kick out of that one when they heard about it.  Kasperi was even recording them all in the notes app on his phone.  “You love it,” she said without thinking.

“Of course I do,” he mumbled, his dumb smile still on his face.  “Tell me something Aberdeen.”

“What?”

He stretched out his hand again, one of them gliding over the skin near her elbow.  “What do your tattoos mean?”

It was her turn to shove her face into the pillow.  She knew this would come up one day, and truth be told, she wondered why it didn’t happen earlier.  “It’s a long story.”

“I’ve got a lot of time.”

He did?  That was news to her.  It was late at night and he was in her hotel room instead of his own.  “This one…” she began, pointing to the first, “‘to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield’…it’s the last line of one of my favourite poems, Ulysses by Alfred, Lord Tennyson.  Do you know it?”

“No.”

“Well, it's a good poem.  You should read it,” she quipped.  “It’s about, like, the need of going forward, despite challenges, despite tragedy, despite anything.  About being strong in will, pushing forward relentlessly.  You know…persistence.  Never facing life passively.  It’s an attitude that I want to have in my life too.  An attitude I want to try to embody every day.”

William’s warm smile made her nervous.  “And you’re other one?”

She paused.  “That one’s even more personal.”

“Tell me.”

“Do you promise not to laugh?”

“Of course.”

She paused.  “This one is from Seneca.  He’s a Roman philosopher.  ‘We are waves of the same sea’.  It’s…my family,” she began.  “Mom is Scottish but grew up in Northern Ireland, and my dad is from Iran.  And if you know anything about the history of those two countries, it’s, like, focused on people’s apparent differences with each other creating conflict.  But in Canada, when they met, despite the cultural differences, they came together.  So like, we’re all waves, but at the end of the day…we’re part of the same sea.  We’re in this together,” she explained, embarrassed.  “I don’t know.  I just thought it was beautiful.  We can have all these differences, but at the end of the day we’re part of the same sea.”

The look on William’s face was one of pure adoration.  He was biting him bottom lip trying to suppress a huge smile, and his eyes so blue and dewy-looking she thought she would faint if she looked at them any longer.  “What’s wrong?” she asked.  Maybe he thought the whole explanation was stupid.

“You’re just so adorable, minskatt,” he said, not trying to hide his smile anymore.  “I could listen to you talk for hours.  Sometimes I even just imagine you talking so I can hear your voice.”

“You do?  Really?”

“Aberdeen…I think about you when I’m not even thinking.”

Her heart stopped beating.  She felt a rush of blood warm her cheeks as she pushed her face into the pillow again.  God, he was really going there, wasn’t he?  As they were laying in the same bed together.  “You can’t just say stuff like that to me and think I’m gonna react normally.”

“I know,” he said.  She shot him a look.  “Aberdeen.  I could listen to you talk all day and night.  I’m serious.  And besides, who was Ulysses or Alfred, Lord Tennyson anyway?”

“You don’t know?!” she asked, flabbergasted.  

William shook his head.  Aberdeen began talking, and he began listening.  And to William, all was right in the world.  

***

November 22nd, 2019

When Aberdeen awoke sometime the next morning, her body still felt tired and fatigued.  She knew the day before was long and tedious with the press conference and the game, but she thought sleep would rejuvenate her.  Apparently not.  She brought her hand up with her watch and took a look at the time.  It was still only 6:30am, so no wonder she felt the way she did.  Why in the hell was she waking up now?  

She sighed.  

Then something moved out of her corner of her eye.  A body.  On her bed.

As if on cue, everything from last night came flooding back into her mind.  William coming over to her room.  Talking about Mike Babcock’s firing and how he felt.  Talking about her tattoos and what they meant.  “Sometimes I even just imagine you talking so I can hear your voice.” “I think about you when I’m not even thinking.”  Then he’d asked who Ulysses and Alfred, Lord Tennyson were and she’d fucking taken the bait hook, line, and sinker so easily.  They had ended up talking for so long they just fell asleep.  Together.  In the same bed.

Oh my fucking God.

She looked at how peaceful his face looked.  God, he was fucking beautiful.  Just…beautiful.  But he couldn’t be here.  He shouldn’t have been here in the first place.  It went against everything.  “Will…” she said softly, hoping he’d wake up.  He didn’t.  “Will,” she said more forcefully.

“Hmph?” he grumbled.

“Will, you have to go.”

He furrowed his brows at the sound of her voice, obviously not expecting it.  He opened his eyes slowly, only to see her staring back at him.  “Minskatt?”  

“Will, it’s 6:30, you have to go back to your room,” she whispered.

He looked around, realizing just like she did what had happened.  “I don’t want to.”

“I know you don’t want to but you have to go before everyone starts waking up,” she reasoned.  “If anyone catches you walking out of my room Brendan will have my head on a spit.”

He took her words into consideration before nodding his head and getting up slowly.  He looked at the time before running his fingers through his hair.  He looked back at her as she lay in the bed looking at him.  “I’ll see you at breakfast, yeah?”

“Yeah,” she nodded her head.  

“Good,” he said as he got up, making his way over to the door.  “I’ll see you in a bit.”

When the door closed behind him, Aberdeen sighed and brought her hands up to cover her eyes.

She was fucked.  

[g0ldengubler]

chapter 8 ~ the party...

A/N: im sorry for the chapter seeming very rushed and quick. i was mad at myself for taking forever of chapter 2 of positions but get ready for chapter after chapter coming up as a holiday gift :) also thank you guys so so so much for 400 followers and im sorry i’m saying my thanks now. it really means a lot to me :’) i hope u guys are still here and thank u for reading :)

Category: fluff

CW: cannabis use; consumption of alcohol; mentions of sex

Word Count: 2360

before you read | next chapter

masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spencer's POV~

We had the whole weekend planned: go fishing, read by the lake, walk through the forest and appreciate nature in all its beauty. But in a bittersweet turn of events, it ended up raining the whole time. So we ended up spending our time inside, reading to y/n in the afternoon while she sipped on her coffee, going out to the balcony at night and look at the stars because that was when the clouds would pull apart until the day came where we woke up to the peaceful sound of rain hitting the windows and the roof. I rambled on and on with what I knew about space and constellations as she let the sensations of the blunt or joint she rolled up take over her body, relaxing her.

As the weekend went on, after the first night, I didn't know what I felt about her. She was the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. The way she spoke was like poetry to my ears. When we smoked and just lay out on the couch, the way she would explain her thoughts gave me butterflies. This was all really new to me, falling for a girl and having some kind of a chance that it could happen. Was there a chance there? I'm a profiler and I can read people by their micro expressions, especially when someone's in love. But with her, I couldn't even read her micro expressions. It bugged the hell out of me, but I would let it out through cuddles that happened naturally and little kisses that'd happen out of nowhere.

On the last night, it was pouring down rain, harder than it would the last couple of nights where it would only sprinkle. We had made some popcorn and y/n thought of the idea to listen to old time radio ghost stories that were then put out on the internet as podcasts. While it was playing, she grabbed her grinder and looked inside. We had pretty much finished the last of our stash this morning for what she called a "wake'n'bake", which was definitely a great way to start the day. She quickly grabbed the bong from the kitchen counter and started packing it with what I thought was nothing.

"What are you doing, silly?" I asked.

"Just packing a kief bowl." She said, very nonchalant.

I gave a confused look, then she rolled her eyes and explained, bringing the grinder closer to me. "See all this? This has all the different strains we smoked. With all of this mixed together, we'll be really really gone."

She continued to pack the bowl as I sat there ready. She grabbed the lighter when she was done and explained how she'll smoke half and I'll take the other. I watched as she put the top around her mouth. A huge cloud exhaled out of her as she moved her head up to the ceiling, which then after started coughing up a storm. I offered her water but she pushed it away, trying to say she was fine.

We continued to smoke bowl after bowl a few more times until there was nothing left in grinder. Y/n nuzzled her head onto my chest as we lay on the couch, letting those tingles intensify our senses and our minds wonder. She was right, this was probably the most high I've felt before. Every movement we made was slowed down and I could see that my arm was as if it was split in two, but was transparent like a ghost. I could barely even move as the sensations were too overwhelming in the best way possible, let alone try to figure out if this was what being this high was like or really how the brain can do this, but I also wasn't really trying either and let the waves relax me.

As I played with her hair, I couldn't pay attention to the episode because all of my thoughts were of her. I wanted this all the time, the stillness and calmness that brought peace and happiness to the atmosphere-that she brought to our atmosphere. I wanted her to feel safe in my arms and never let go. Getting to know her like this on a deeper level ever since we first met made me fall in love with her everyday we were together bit by bit. I never want to let go of her.

"Do you ever have the fear of giving your heart to someone?"

Her question shocked me, breaking the process in my head. I didn't know what to say but, "What do you mean?"

"Have you ever given your heart to someone, doesn't even have to be romantically, giving them you're all and love and care, to then suddenly watch them break it bit by bit as if they're breaking down the wall that you had built for yourself, instead of you taking each brick off piece by piece and handing it to them?"

There was silence. No words that I could think of could answer a question like that.

"I've given my heart away to so many people, and I don't know why they break it every time." She moved to where she used her elbow for support in between me and the couch. "Spence, I wish we could stay like this forever. I have these feelings for you that I never really, or truly, felt for another person before. Even though we've only known each other for a short time, I think I'm in love with you. There's just something about you that makes me feel safe. For the first time, it's like all my walls fall when we're together, I have this feeling of giving you my all, my care and support, my love. All of it. I want you, Spencer. And, this feeling I have about all of my protection crumbling down, I'm only just a little bit scared of letting it break."

I pulled her in and kissed her. I let my lips do all the talking, telling her how much I loved her, too and now nothing was going to break her down. We pulled away and she gave me a look of confusion and happiness, as if she was scared to let the happiness show through.

"I feel the same way. Exactly, the same way," I said, "I'm in love with you, too, and it's all new to me also. You're like a beautifully written poem, y/n. I could listen to you day and night and never get tired of it. You have a beautiful mind that I want to explore each and every day. I never want to let you go. Will you stay...with me?"

This time she pulled me in after a moment of pause. Our lips crashed like fireworks, yet moved together in perfect tempo. Without breaking, she moved on top of me slowly. I let my hands wonder all over her body as she cupped my face. We were passionate. We were needy. We were in love. Everything was perfect, and everything felt right.

—

Y/n's POV~

You two had left pretty early in the morning for your adventure back to D.C. Somehow, both of you couldn't sleep at all, even though you were pretty well gone to the point of passing out, so you decided you’ll leave at 5am so then hopefully you’d get back in the afternoon. The whole ride, Spencer held your hand, no matter who was driving. I'm in love. You couldn't wrap your brain around it, but for the first time, it felt like your heart knew better than your head. Nothing about this felt wrong. You had found the one that you had been looking for my whole life. Nothing was going to pull you away from him, and you were not going to allow that in the slightest.

On your way back, Rossi called about meeting up tonight at the bar for drinks, which kind of ruined your plans to stay in and cuddle, but you both figured it'd be nice to see them again. You told him we'd be there and hung up. The rest of the ride was just you listening to Spencer ramble about books he's read in last month. You forgot this man can finish books in half an hour, so the fact that he read more books in a month than the average person was astonishing. He talked about Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and Oscar Wilde and their beautiful works of literature, and you never drifted off to sleep once, your mind didn't even wonder as his soothing voice was in the background. It's quite beautiful hearing someone talk about something they're passionate about.

When you got back to the city, you went to your place so you can grab my things. You told Seth that you’d be back officially tomorrow, gave goodbye kisses to your children, and went back to Spencer's, where you both freshened up and got ready for night. You had an adorable shower that turned just a bit quite naughty. You talked about how you both wanted to tell the others, and while you said you were fine if you told them now, Spencer's response was very well said. "They're very nosy, so I always thought I'd just keep it secret until I felt ready. But this is different. We're on vacation, so Hotch isn't going to have 'the talk' with us until we're back at work. It feels right, everything feels right with you."

Once you were done getting ready, you headed to the bar, where you were told specifically where to park (Garcia had texted saying that she's friends with the owner and that she'd make sure they were safe. She also mentioned that an uber was going to pick them up at around 1am to go back to her place to pass out. She was, for sure, the mom of the group. More than Jj was at that). Right away, you saw the gang sitting in a corner booth, and once they saw Spencer was holding your hand, they all either were speechless with their jaws sitting on the table or ran up to you and gave hugs and congrats. Morgan had to pull Garcia away from you so you could sit down, which thankfully for her, you ended up sitting right in between her and Spencer, so her arms went right back around you.

"How much has she had already?" You asked laughing.

"Well, she started with jager." said Morgan

"Jager?!" You was shocked. "Did she drink the whole bottle?"

"You'd think," said Rossi from the other side of the table. He sat in between Hotch and Emily, drinking his bourbon before continuing to speak, "she's only had two glasses."

"You guys definitely seem to be where the party's at then, huh?"

"You can never go wrong on us for a party." said Emily.

Spencer ordered you two some beers and a couple of vodka shots each. The music wasn't so loud to where you had to yell over one another, but the sound of classic rock filled the building top to bottom. You clanked your shot glasses together and took the shots before taking a sip of your beer as a chaser.

"Look at you, kiddo," Rossi said to Spencer, "where's the Spencer that would get an ice tea or a shirley temple instead of...a beer and shots?"

"Yeah, you can't tell me that all this of this started happening that night at Garcia's?" asked Jj.

The two of you made eye contact and were silent for a moment before bursting out laughing. "So it DID start at my place," said Garcia, "I knew it! I'm such a good cupid." She danced happily in her spot which made everyone giggle.

"You are magic, baby girl." said Morgan.

"So, how did it happen?" asked Hotch, "Don't worry, I'm not your boss tonight but we will have to discuss this once our vacation is over."

"Right," You said nervously, "Well, we hung out after that night after we woke up at Garcia's, and then the next day we went up to my family cabin in Michigan for the weekend, and...that's where we confessed."

"And the rest is history!" said Spencer, sounding like a little kid as he tried to hide the amount of excitement he had.

"Well, we're happy for the both of you," said Morgan as he got up from the table, "I think that calls for a round of celebratory shots, since pretty boy over here has proven in the past week that he can handle them."

When he came back with the shots, you all grabbed them from the tray that the bartender let him use and raised them high. "To having an uninterrupted vacation, and to y/n and Spencer!"

"Cheers!" You all said in unison before clanking them together and letting it go down the hatch. As the night went on, you drank and drank until you were all pretty drunk, even Rossi and Hotch, who you didn't think the whole team has ever seen them like before. When Garcia found out it was karaoke night, she grabbed a few of you, yourself and Spencer included, up to the stage where you sang-or slurred, really-changes by david bowie. Emily and Jj had their arms around each other to hold each other up, and Morgan and Garcia were hogging the mic from everyone, but the whole bar could still hear every one of you. You noticed Hotch in the crowd standing next to Rossi, his phone recording the moment so we wouldn't forget.

The last thing you remember was getting into the uber and Spencer being very touchy on the ride back, making sure that Emily, who sat in the passenger seat, didn't notice that anything was going on in the back. His fingers were ghosting your thighs as he whispered, 'The things I wish we could do right now' before his lips connected to neck.

[artificialqueens]

(Wo)men in Glass Houses (Branjie) - Pinkgrapefruit

A/N - now my yearly october to january hibernation is over, have a fanfiction. read by ortega and jaz and quite frankly neither of them found anything glaringly wrong with it so… enjoy lads. i swear i’ll post something of more substance soon.

I’ve been sleeping late

And if I’m speaking honestly

My dreams are the only place

The thought of you can’t bother me

Vanessa is on her back - eyes piercing holes in the ceiling. It’s white, as most ceilings are, wood chipped and bumpy. There’s a coffee-coloured stain that jeeps drawing her eyes but she’s too scared to ask how it got there. If she’s honest, she doesn’t want to know.

Her bedmate is still fast asleep or is at least doing a good job of pretending, and it’s giving Vanessa too much time to think. Her immediate thought - the one that breaks through the carefully constructed walls at the edge of her mind - is how she wishes she wasn’t awake at all. She wants to be asleep again, running through the fields of spring flowers near her childhood home in Yorkshire, blissfully unaware of the mistake sleeping next to her.

She loathes to call Brooke a mistake - but there aren’t any other words.

The covers are soft between her fingertips and her pillow smells of eucalyptus and mint and it brings her back to her train of thought. They were never meant to happen. It’s simple really, the relationship was never meant to happen. They’re a square peg in a round hole who’s too ashamed to admit it and is therefore trying to pretend it doesn’t have any corners at all and the point is - they don’t fit.

Coffee and cheese. Milk and sriracha. Piers Morgan and drag queens. No entiendo por favor. 

(She truly does not understand).

They’ve been trying to change each other and like an elastic band, Vanessa just wants to snap back to how she was. She enjoyed her lazy Sundays with Riley, drowning last nights hangover in coffee just long enough to make it to brunch with Kiki and Silky. She misses her half-hearted gym sessions where she’d piss about with resistance bands and yoga balls in the studio off the side before actually doing some hip hop dancing and calling it a night. She hasn’t seen a shitty action film in months and, dare she say it, she misses bad nacho cheese.

She’s not the only one whos made ill-fated sacrifices - she can admit that - Brooke hasn’t been working late, misses her morning runs most days and only drinks chamomile when Vanessa isn’t at her house because the brunette says it smells like old people.

Drink your old people tea, Vanessa thinks in a more scathing tone than she would dare say out loud because it’s before six am and she’s in a worse mood than she thought. She looks at Brooke - her blonde hair splayed on the pillow like a halo. Fucking drink it.

And when I’m wide awake

It takes all of my energy

To tell our friends we’ve never been this happy

The thing about breakups - is if you know they’re coming, you can watch them in slow motion like a train crash. 

A’keria has been watching this one for months. 

It’s the sort of ‘watch and wait’ scenario that leaves her grabbing the popcorn and tucking herself into the sofa with a blanket her nan crocheted and she’s not mad about it. 

So she watches the relationship go up in flames and wonders how either of them thought it would be a good idea to act on the sexual tension that’s been threading around them for years and she privately thinks that maybe she should have just set Vanessa up with her sister to save the trouble. 

Because climate change has moved faster than these idiots. 

Waiting for the glass house to come down

Waiting to hear that crashing sound

Waiting for the right words to tell you how

I don’t wanna be false art

They move around each other in their perfectly choreographed morning routine - not a word is spoken but they are both fed, watered and ready to go when they need to begin their walk to the office. 

Their fingers are intertwined but it’s more of a perfunctory gesture than it used to be. Vanessa grabs Brooke’s hand somewhere between the offices for Walkers and Harveys. She always does.

With Brooke in a maxi dress, she looks more like a model than a lawyer and it allows Vanessa to exercise her possessive streak when a builder catcalls. They kiss bruisingly in the disabled stall before they head to their respective offices - frustrated before 9 am.

When A’keria asks how Vanessa is doing - she lifts the edge of her shirt to show the hickey embedded into her hip.

I’ve been making shit up

But I’ll come clean

I finish in the bathroom

While you fall asleep without me

Brooke stays in the bathroom after sex. 

She washes herself slowly and thoroughly, as though any hint of mint shampoo left on her body would be a sin. (Brooke’s shampoo is lemon because she refuses to make her hair smell like toothpaste).

She cannot deal with post-coital cuddling today - the image of another person in her bed just too much to accept in the waning light of day. So she performs her nighttime routine twice to make sure that the summer sun has set entirely by the time she is back in the bedroom. It allows her to slide under the covers in the dark and pretend she is alone - if not for the steady exhales of Vanessa.

She is not right for Vanessa. 

The brunette deserves romance and wooing and all Brooke can give is detached sex in bathrooms and bitter black coffee. 

There are things she needs to unpack. A box of memories in her wardrobe that will sting more, the longer she leaves them hidden away. 

She cannot love herself with enough fervour to love Vanessa.

They both know it. 

So she suckles bruises onto her collarbone and calls it adoration.

And our friends they say they want this

But they don’t see

That it’s inevitable

And inevitably

“God, I want what you two have. It’s practically a romcom - friends to lovers.”

It’s harmless, just Courtney simpering as she heads towards the bar set up on the corner of the room but it makes Vanessa dig her nails into her palms so hard she worries she might break the skin. 

Brooke sidles up to her - cold lithe fingers wrapping around her waist as she leans down to whisper in Vanessa’s ear. 

“Bathroom, five minutes,” she whispers and then she’s gone.

Vanessa marvels at the way people interpret things they don’t understand. To most people - the blush that’s threatening to flutter across the apples of her cheeks is in response to a declaration of love, or a flirtation between sweethearts. 

They can never know the detached but furious way Brooke will make Vanessa come undone while the brunette is leaning against the sink - faucet poking into the small of her back. The way she will nip red marks into the flesh of her inner thigh and then later into her bottom lip - Vanessa’s tongue carrying out its own assault on Brooke’s mouth.

For all the ways the forced romance has ruined them  - the sexual tension is as thick as the day they first met.

The glasshouse to come down

Just waiting to hear that crashing sound

Waiting for the right words to tell you how

I don’t wanna be false art

Like a fairytale - their eyes met across a crowded room and that was it.

That is, of course, a lie - but it’s how they tell it.

In reality, Brooke had just moved to London from Devon and she’s booked an interview at the firm Vanessa worked HR for. Vanessa took her paperwork, A’keria noticed the spark, Brooke got the job.

They mistook sexual chemistry for romance and by the time they’d figured it out they were four months into a relationship of convenience.

Vanessa has always thought that friends with benefits was a ridiculous arrangement but men in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones and isn’t this just the kind of relationship she always scorned. 

Acquaintances that share bodily fluids, a bed and invites to dinner. Someone to share secrets with and hold hands on the way to work. Someone to watch sleep in the early hours of the morning and cuddle you when you’re drunk and lonely. 

Vanessa is, too often, drunk and lonely.

It’s a habit she intends to break.

Pretend we’re picture perfect

When we’re breaking beneath the surface

I don’t wanna be false art

They break up on a Sunday and finally, Vanessa can agree it’s a day of peace.

It can hardly be considered a breakup from her perspective - the only emotions left to untangle are Vanessa’s towards Brooke’s cats. It’s cold, clean and incredibly reminiscent of Brooke herself - cold, clean, perfect. 

Icy.

In a twenty minute sweep of her apartment - every hint of the tall blonde is gone. 

Make love like we deserve it

To cover up what’s hurting

I don’t wanna be false art

She makes a cup of coffee, inhaling the scent that reminds her so vividly of university and youth, and drinks it by her window. She plays her music loud.

She refuses to have any regrets.

I don’t wanna be false art

[catlynhoss05]

Home Sweet Home Ch. 1: The Start of Something New

Pairing: OC!baureader x Emily Prentiss x Criminal Minds

~Series starts in season 4~ (check out Remi’s work shoes link on HSH masterlist)

Chapter Summary: Remi is new to the BAU and to Hotch’s team. She has MAJOR hots for one SSA Emily Prentiss and her the same. Remi’s first case with the team takes them to her hometown of Nashville, Tennessee.

     Remi has been working with the BAU for about a month and a half now. She never expected to feel so at home with her job and with the team. She hasn’t talked much about her family life back home in Nashville and made sure that her file was kept confidential from the team, besides BAU Section Chief Erin Strauss and Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner. She wanted to make sure that the team liked her for who she is and not for what she was to the rest of the world.

     Since growing up on a 1200-acre farm, Remi’s used to waking up pretty early in the morning to do the usual morning chores that are required to do on such a large farm. However, since she had moved to Quantico, Virginia and had went from living on a farm to living in the city, her ‘normal’ routine had to be changed some. She still got up at a quarter to 4 a.m., went on a 2-mile run with her 2 year old German Shepard, Louisa, and then took a quick shower when she got home. Even though it was only 4:20 a.m. and she didn’t have to be at work until 9 a.m., she made herself some of her famous cheesy scrambled eggs and made sure that she filled up Louisa’s food and water bowls. After Remi had finished eating her breakfast, she cuddled with Louisa for awhile before having to finish getting ready for work. Remi pulled on her shoes, grabbed her jacket and gear for work, said goodbye to Louisa, grabbed her skateboard and went out the door to go to work.

     Remi had gotten to work about a half an hour before any of the others would start coming into the office. She was sitting at her desk that was behind Spencer’s desk that also faced Hotch’s office. She was busy texting her twin brother, Harris, and wasn’t aware that Derek and Spencer had come in. Derek had peeked over her shoulder to see what was making his coworker smile so much. “Who’s ‘Harris T-Bro B11′?” He asked, scaring Remi. “Geez, Morgan. You scared me. And, nosey much?” She asked. “I just asked you a question and I didn’t mean to scare.” He chuckled. “It’s okay..... And, if you must know, Harris is my older twin brother and he keeps a-asking me ab-about....” Remi trailed off when she saw one SSA Emily Prentiss with JJ and Rossi coming through the glass doors and into the office.

     The whole team, including Strauss, knew about how Emily and Remi felt about each other, but both of them were clueless about that. Emily, JJ and Rossi had walked by Remi and Derek and made their way to their desks, or office, before going into the break room for some much needed coffee. While Emily was making her coffee first, JJ and Rossi came up next to her with shit-eating grins on their faces while starring at Emily. “What? Why are you guys looking at me like that for?” She asked, trying to act clueless. “You know exactly why we’re looking at you like this. Remi was hardcore checking you out as we walked by her and Morgan and you know it. When are you gong to make your move and finally ask her out?” JJ asked and Rossi agreed by nodding his head. “She was not checking me out and I think you two are going crazy.” Emily smiled and sat down at the break room table with her coffee.

     However, currently in the bullpen, Derek was trying to get Remi’s attention by waving his hand in front of her face. “I’m sorry. What did you say?” She asked, carding her hand through her hair. "I didn't say anything. You were talking and then stopped because a certain BAU agent had walked by." Derek leaned over and nudged her shoulder while smiling like a dork. He laughed when she shoved him back. "Shove it, Morgan. But by the looks of it, we may have a case." She stated, referring to Hotch coming out of his office. "Everyone meet in the conference room. We got a case." Hotch announced so everyone could hear him. Derek and Remi walked into the conference room together, followed by JJ, Emily and Rossi. Remi had accidentally dropped her pen and when she bent over to pick it up, Emily and JJ were right behind her and Emily was checking out her ass. "Nice Calvin Klein waistband you have there, Remi. Don't you think so, Emily?" JJ asked, making both Emily and Remi blush a deep red.

     Remi had stood up quickly and fixed her shirt to cover up the waist band to her underwear. "Geez, JJ." She huffed as she went to her usual spot between Rossi and Morgan and waited for Penelope to start the briefing. "Okay, my lovely crime fighters. Our case is located and taking all of you, and myself, to Remi's hometown of Nashville, Tennessee." Penelope stated. "Wait? Are you sure?" Remi asked, earning a nod from Penelope. "Yeah. Is that an issue?" Rossi asked, sounding concerned. Remi pinched the bridged of her nose and sighed before answering. “No, it’s not an issue. It's just...... All of my brothers are home for a few weeks to help our parents with the farm because the farm is really busy this time of year. And, they had called me last night to ask when I'll be coming home to visit for a little bit." She explained.

     “How many brothers do you have and how big of a farm does your parents have?” Spencer asked. “Way to many. Why, you want a few?” She joked, earning a rare chuckle from Hotch. “And it’s a 1200-acre farm. Usually only a few of my brothers that live close to them work on the farm regularly. But it’s kind of busy right now with the animals. Anyway, we have a case to focus on.” “She’s right. Go on, Garcia.” Hotch said, matter-of-factly. “A group of misfit teenagers found the body of 9 year old, Trisha Walters, in a ditch beside the highway close to downtown Nashville.” Penelope explained as she showed the team the slide show of crime scene photos of the little girl. “However, there were two other 9 year old little girls, Alexis O’Conner and Georgia McConnell, were also found in the same ditch but, they were all about a half a mile away from each other.”

     “Looks like they were all bound around the ankles to keep them where ever the unsub had kept them.” Derek pointed out. “And they were also face down when they were found, but it looks to me like they were all killed differently though. What would be the unsub’s motive to take and kill these little girls?” Remi asked. “Well, there is a big ‘UH OH’, as I like to say. After the first girl was taken, the other two little girls were taken exactly 48 hours in between each girl. However, it seems like the bad guy had disposed of their little innocent bodies at the same time each night, but 48 hours after each dump. The other big ‘UH OH’ is that the third little girl was found around 5 a.m. this morning, BUT, we have a fourth victim on our hands.” Penelope said in a very sad tone.

     “Who’s the fourth victim?” JJ asked. “9 year old, Joyce McKnight. She was taken this morning around 7:15 a.m. when she was walking by herself to school that was only about 10 blocks away from her house. And, get this. All four little girls went to the same school.” Penelope sighed sadly. “What’s his angle here? What does he want from these little girls? I mean, he’s gotta at least have either lost his 9 year old little girl or lost someone who was close to him when he was either at that age or that someone who was close to him was 9 years old and female.” Remi suggested. Everyone was silent and thinking about what Remi had said. “She’s got a very good point and the crime scene photos from each crime scene points to some, but not much, abuse, but yet held captive. Fed some, but not much. But, they all look like they were tortured more than anything.” Emily explained her views of the case.

   “Wheels up in 20.” Hotch spoke up, dismissing the team. Everyone, including Penelope, gathered there stuff up and made their ways out of the conference room. Penelope went to her bat cave to grab her stuff while everyone else went to their desks to grab what they needed as well as their gear. Strauss had made sure that the team was given strict orders to three weeks off with pay, of course, after they finished up the current case. She also said that she will fly Will, Henry and Jack to Nashville on the jet once they are all settled and done with the case. So, the whole team, including Penelope, have packed enough clothes and essentials for the next few weeks they’re going to spend in Nashville.

     Penelope had locked up her bat cave after she had grabbed her stuff that she needed for the case and for the next few weeks. She made her way into the bullpen where the rest of the team was and walked up to where Remi’s desk. “So...” Penelope spoke up, scaring Remi a little bit. “So.... what?” Remi questioned the bright and colorful tech genius. “Do you think we’ll be able to meet your family?” Penelope asked. “Ooh yeah, could we meet them?” JJ asked, speaking up from where she was standing at her desk. “Maybe. Having all of my brothers, and myself, under one roof is quite chaotic. Hell, my brothers ARE chaotic when it’s just them under one roof.” Remi chuckled, grabbing her go-bag and stood up as she grabbed her back pack as well.

     Hotch and Rossi both had come out of their offices with their bags in their hands as they headed to the elevator to go to the jet. The rest of the team had followed close behind the two older agents and everyone piled into the elevator. Remi was in the back of the elevator and was standing in between Emily, who had JJ to her right, and Penelope who was standing to Remi’s left. Remi stood at height of 5′7″, just an inch shorter than Emily was. While JJ was smiling like a goofball and wiggling her eyebrows at Emily, Penelope was doing the same to Remi. “So, Remi. You never did say how many brothers you have. Or that you have a twin brother.” Emily spoke up, just as the elevator doors had opened on their designated floor.

     “Yes, I have a twin brother. His name is Harris and he’s four minutes and fifteen seconds older than I am.” She paused as the team exited the elevator. “I am also the only girl and the youngest of twelve.” Remi explained. Everyone, except for Hotch and Rossi, were all looking at Remi with shocked expressions and mouths agape. Remi looked around at the team that all stopped in front of her. “What? Honestly, I’m the youngest of twelve. I have a total of eleven older brothers..... Now, let’s discuss this subject on the jet.” Remi said, trying and getting the agents to get a move on. They took two separate vehicles so it would be easier for everyone instead of everyone driving separately to the tarmac.

     Once everyone had gotten onto the jet, Hotch and Rossi were sitting in the two single seats that were facing each other, and could also swivel. Derek and Spencer sat on the couch while JJ, Emily, Penelope and Remi sat at the four seater with the table. Emily had a window seat with JJ sitting to her left while Remi had the other window seat facing her with Penelope sitting to her right. The plane ride from Quantico to Nashville is about an hour and a half and the team had talked a little more about the case while waiting for the jet to take off. Once the pilots were ready and it was time to start getting a move on and to finally take off. After taking off and everyone had agreed to relax for the plane ride to Nashville, everyone was doing their own things quietly. “So, Remi. What was it like growing up with 11 older brothers?” JJ asked curiously, gaining the teams attention because everyone was curious to know.

     “Very chaotic and hectic... And WAY to much testosterone. Just imagine 11 Derek Morgan’s, and that will give you my brothers.” Remi described, causing everyone, including Derek, to erupt in fits of laughter. “Okay, okay. I gotta know and probably everyone else wants to know as well. What are your brothers names?” Penelope wondered. “Well, there’s the identical triplets; Benjamin, Oliver and Nolan who are 42, Ryker who’s 41 and then Sawyer who’s 40. Then it’s the identical twins; Asher and Elijah and they’re 38. Then Wyatt is 37, Colten is 36, Dallas is 35 and then it’s Harris and myself and we’re 34.” Remi explained.

     The whole team was quiet, especially Spencer who was usually the one to be spitting out facts that no one even knew about or would even think of. Remi looked around at everyone as they all stared at her like she had just insulted them or something. “What? Did I say something wrong?” She asked. “No, you didn’t. So there’s identical triplets, identical twins AND fraternal twins? Triplets and TWO sets of twins?” Emily asked dumbfounded. “Yes ma’am.” Remi smirked. “Oh wow. And you all are really close in age as well?” Rossi asked. “That’s right.” She chuckled. “Is Remi short for something or is it just Remi?” Emily asked, leaning forward and resting her arms on the table and her chin in one of her hands.

     “Remi is actually short for Remington. As in I was thought to be a boy when my mama was pregnant with Harris and I. The doctors, I guess, thought I was a boy as well, but surprise. I’m a girl. So, I’m technically named after my papaw Remington Montgomery, but I obviously have a different middle name then he does.” She chuckled, earning a smile from Emily. JJ and Penelope had shared a look with each other after they noticed how both Emily sitting while talking to Remi. JJ could see from where she was sitting, and ever since Remi had joined, was absolutely, head over heels, falling in love with Emily from the moment that the two had met. It was actually quite obvious to the whole team; including Strauss. However, the two agents were COMPLETELY oblivious about the other ones feelings.

     When the jet had landed in Nashville, the team made their way off of the jet and into the airport so Hotch could rent out 2 vehicles for the team for the next few weeks. After getting the rental cars, everyone piled into them and made their way to the hotel that they’re supposed to be staying at. The team was sitting on the couches and chairs as they waited -for what seemed liked forever- for Hotch as he talked to the receptionist. JJ and Emily sat together on one of the loveseats in the lobby while Penelope and Remi sat on the other loveseat across the way from them. Remi had her feet up on the coffee table that was in between the loveseats while she was checking Emily out. And, of course, her actions didn’t go unnoticed by the infamous Penelope Garcia. Before Penelope could say anything, Hotch came back over to where the team was at and he didn’t look very pleased.

     “They have no more rooms left for us to stay in.” He sighed, earning a few groans from the team. “So where are we going to stay then?” Reid asked. “We can stay at my parents place. Even though my brothers are home, there’s still plenty of room for all of us and even for Jack, Henry and Will when they come.” Remi suggested. “Are you sure they won’t mind us staying there and working from there as well?” Hotch asked. “No, they won’t mind at all. Honestly, they’ve been begging to meet you guys.” She chuckled. “Well, let’s go then.” Hotch smirked.

[s-trawberryv-eins]

The Birthday

NOT MY GIF

The Birthday

Summary: Caroline Stark died in the snap that wiped out half of the population of the universe. She died two months before her 21st birthday. She was brought back to life in the October after what would've been her 26th. On the evening of what should be her 27th birthday, she feels as though she doesn't know who she should be anymore.

Warnings: Angst, loneliness, swearing. Not as sad as it seems though!

Please read here before reading!

Stark!OC x avengers

Word count: 3308

The Caroline Stark Series Masterlist

AUGUST 11th, 2024

AVENGERS COMPOUND

UPSTATE NEW YORK

As she lay with her head in Pepper’s lap, she made no effort to fight the hot tears that built up in her chocolate brown eyes. Delicate fingers worked through soft hair that spilled across her lap. Watching the girl with a look of heartbreak in her eyes, a sigh fell from Peppers lips.

“Please talk to me, baby.” Pleading with the girl in front of her, she felt at a loss. Having her daughter come back from the dead was a miracle; something she'd lost all hope for in the first few months after the snap. It never occurred to her the trauma Caroline now carried on her shoulders, however. Here they were, Caroline laying with her adoptive mother, sobs wracking her body on the eve of her birthday.

“How old am I, Momma?” Caroline had asked an hour earlier when she arrived at the Stark women’s quarters from the lab. Peppers heart broke for the girl, distress written clearly on every one of her delicate features. The woman said nothing, instead she simply sat on the couch and opened her arms wide for her daughter.

As it drew closer to midnight, the eldest Stark daughter couldn’t find the energy to be excited. She couldn't find the want to be excited. Tear stained cheeks red and puffy, eyes sore and bloodshot, the Potts woman wracked her brain for a way to cheer her daughter up, and perhaps salvage her birthday even the slightest bit.

“Am I 20 or am I 26? Because there’s a big difference, you know?” Stuttering through her speech, she couldn’t catch her breath. “Do you remember what we had planned for my 21st? Me, you, and Dad were gonna go to Coney Island? Fairground rides and hot dogs and a bonfire on the beach?"

“Yes, and then you were going to see Amelie and the others, and pretend it was your first-time drinking.” A sly smile crossed Pepper’s face as her daughters’ eyes widened comically.

“Dad promised he wouldn’t tell!”

“Tony knew?!” The brief silence quickly dissolved into giggles as the two women recalled the memories fondly.

-

“I know it’s last minute, but it’s really important!” Pepper spoke with equal parts frustration and excitement as she worked to pull her thoughts together. Caroline had long since fallen asleep on the couch, a blanket placed delicately over her sleeping form. After the less than cheery conversation the two shared, the CEO decided she knew exactly how to cheer the girl up.

“Barnes, I swear to all that’s holy this had better work!” Setting her phone down on the coffee table, she headed off to bed, knowing tomorrow would be a roller coaster of a day.

-

AUGUST 12th, 2024

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAROLINE” The loud girlish scream startled Caroline awake. Propping herself up on her elbows, Pepper met her eyes, offering her a sympathetic smile. Morgan, upon deciding she was simply not close enough, hopped up on to the sofa, all but climbing on top of her sister. A blinding smile and a big cuddle from the youngest Stark wasn’t a bad way to start the morning, Caroline thought to herself.

“Thankyou, baby.” Planting a kiss on her head, the scientist reached for her mother, who wasted no time in joining the sisters in their cuddle.

“We’ve got a surprise waiting for you in the kitchen.” Trying to muster up some enthusiasm was proving to be difficult, so she plastered on a fake smile and headed upstairs to change. Despite the early August sun shining down without relent, she pulled on a black sports bra and leggings, and threw her favourite black cropped jumped on over the top. Comfort over anything else, she decided. Jogging back downstairs, Morgan grabbed her sister’s hand and tugged her firmly in the direction of the communal kitchen.

Much to her relief, it was almost empty. As the three Stark ladies entered the room, they were greeted by FRIDAY, and Bucky Barnes.

“Good morning, Caroline! Happy birthday!" Thanking the AI, she placed Morgan on one of the kitchen stools before trying and failing to catch the Winter Soldiers attention, too engrossed in whatever he was cooking.

“I need to head to my office for a little while. Will you two be okay?” Kissing each of the girls on the forehead, they watched silently as their mother went off to work.

“Bye, Momma” Morgan piped up when Pepper was definitely out of earshot, earning a look of confusion from Caroline. “Uh…Uncle Buck?” Watching the soldier with entertainment, she reached out with tiny hands to grab a handful of napkins, throwing them haphazardly in his direction.

“UNCLE BUCK!” Spinning on his heels, cheeks flushed red and a lazy smile on his face, Morgan waved innocently. Receiving a wink and a high five from the soldier, a smile broke out across her face before she pointed at her sister. “It's sissy’s birthday.” The bluntness of her statement made him chuckle, but he simply nodded and motioned for the doctor to join him.

“Morning, Sergeant. What're you cooking?" As she rounded the corner of the island to have a nosy, he pulled her in for a sideways hug. Relishing in the feeling of being close to him, she hummed softly as he pressed a kiss to her hair.

“Happy birthday, doll. Pep told me that Tony always made pancakes on the day of; not that I've ever seen the man cook." A ghost of a smile appeared on her lips, the memory painfully bittersweet. The Winter Soldiers gesture left her heart fluttering and she made no effort to stop herself as she threw her arms around his middle.

“Thankyou, Bucky. It means more than you can know.” His surprised demeanour soon softened as he returned the embrace. Not feeling is necessary to respond with words, instead the sergeant tightened his grip on the girl, the pair enjoying the feeling of being so close.

“Smells like burning.” Morgan’s nose wrinkled as she inhaled deeply, her nonchalant comment sending the soldier into a panic.

“Your big sister distracted me!” Caroline rolled her eyes fondly but took her seat next to Morgan all the same, the moment being well and truly over.  Bucky plated up two portions of pancakes, toppings already set out before their arrival.

“Here you go! I’ve gotta run some errands with Sam, but I’ll catch you in a bit, yeah?” Sending a warm smile in the girls’ direction, he hurried out of the room. The sinking feeling of disappointment hit Caroline only briefly before her sister turned to face her.

"Are you and Uncle Bucky gonna get married?” taking the scientist entirely by surprise, Caroline struggled as a mouth full of pancake lodged itself in her throat awkwardly. After composing herself, she turned to meet her sisters’ eye.

“Where on earth did that come from?” The look on the youngest Stark’s face was one of complete innocence, as if she’d asked about the weather and not her sisters relationship status.

“You and Uncle Buck. You hug a lot and he makes your face red.” Pressing her hands to her cheeks, the doctor felt them grow warm as Morgan spoke. "Like that!” Shoving more food in her mouth, she tried to steady her heartbeat.

“If you must know, your uncle has made it quite clear that we are only friends. Now finish your food.” Throwing a piece of fruit at the small girl, she made it as obvious as she could that the topic was closed, despite the smile on Morgan’s face.

-

“FRIDAY, where’s momma?” The Stark girls had spent all morning in each other’s company,  wandering the compound and causing chaos, but they found that they were alone; with the exception of agents and officials they didn’t really know. Being a Stark had its benefits; Caroline had free reign of the compound, and the pair found that those that did catch them doing something they shouldn't were far more lenient upon realising who they were.

“She’s not here, Miss Morgan. Mrs Potts-Stark had to run a few errands. She’ll be home by 4.” A frown etched itself on to Caroline’s face, disappointed by her mother’s disappearance.

“Who is home then?” The AI created by Tony was all but a mind reader. It didn't matter how vaguely she was addressed, she always seemed to know what the team needed. Knowing that 'who' meant the team specifically, and ‘home’ meant their private living quarters, the AI responded immediately.

“Nobody, I’m afraid. It seems everybody is taking advantage of the peacetime, Miss Stark.”

Turning away from her sister with a huff, tears pricked at her eyes and that all too familiar lump formed in her throat. Yes, she’d requested her birthday remain a small, private affair, low key and homely. She hadn’t however, realised that this meant she’d be completely forgotten about. The sour taste in her mouth that appeared when she thought about this god-awful day was borne of confusion and grief and uncertainty. The last thing she wanted was to be completely alone.

As if sensing the shift in the room, Morgan took a gentle hold of Caroline hand, and began her trip across the green that separated the living quarters from her lab and workshop. The youngest Stark had access to the lab providing she was with an authorised adult; the measure had been taken after small hands had caused a rather large explosion when unsupervised - nobody was hurt, luckily.

Upon arriving in the lab, it took less than two seconds for Morgan to request her usual. “Do the suit.” Her statement offered no room for questioning, so Caroline planted her feet firmly on the pads in the corner of the room. Morgan watched with glee as the nanotech supersuit quickly covered every inch of Caroline’s body, travelling from the ground upwards. Inspired heavily by the Iron Man suit, she had used her fathers nanotech mark to create a stealth suit of her own. It lacked rocket launchers and the ability to fly, and she had changed the colour scheme somewhat; charcoal black with the iconic red of her father’s suit highlighting detail.

The changes were made to prove to everybody  - the public, the team, herself – that she is not taking his place; there would only ever be one Iron Man.

"You look like Daddy!” Awe poured out of her eyes, as if the sight before her was the most magical she'd ever seen. The comment hit Caroline straight in the heart, pride and love shining in her eyes.

The two played and tinkered for hours, loneliness only creeping back in that evening as the sun began to disappear. Morgan appeared restless, sighing and studying the clock on the wall with resolve, despite her inability to correctly tell the time.

“Miss Morgan, the little hand just hit 4.” Jumping to her feet, the smallest brunette yanked the goggles from her eyes, tossing them to the ground.

“We gotta go, Care!” Furrowed brows and delayed reactions caused Morgan to huff loudly. “I want juice pops, we gotta go!" Taking a stance behind her sister, Morgan began to push her sister with as much strength as she could muster.

“Okay, okay! I’m going! Stop pushing!” Failing to scold the child as she’d already raced off ahead of her, Caroline sighed, but picked up her pace all the same. Hearing the automatic doors open, Caroline ran faster, wanting to stop her sister from running off without her.

“Morgan! You can't just run off like that!" The two girls stood just outside the building, on the edge of the green. Only interested in her sister’s safety, Caroline hadn't yet taken in the change of scenery. "I was scared-" her words died on her tongue as she looked out around them.

The large expanse of grass had been transformed into what appeared to be a fairground. Fairy lights lit up the surrounding area, revealing a ferris wheel, and merry-go-round, and several other rides that sparked a heavy feeling of nostalgia in her heart. A popcorn machine and a hot dog stand and a fire pit with huge cushions and blankets surrounding it.

“What is this? Mo?” Her voice a breathless whisper as she spoke, tears pricking her eyes once again.

“It’s your birthday, baby.” A voice startled her, she spun around to find her mother and the rest of the team waiting. Her family.

“I KNEW ALL ABOUT IT.” Morgan made sure everybody knew about her part in the plan, the most important, she announced.

“Sorry for leaving you all day. We received instructions for mission not-so-impossible at two am.” Clint explained their absence with a bright smile on his face.

“We weren’t about to argue with Momma Stark here” Sam added with a wink. As she took in the overwhelming scene before her, she couldn’t stop the tears rolling down her cheeks. Two pairs of arms appeared around her, giggles filled her ears.

“Come on,” Wanda whispered, Nat smiling happily next to her.

“We made you your own Coney Island. Let’s go have fun.” Holding on to her two friends for a second or two more, she nodded her head, taking their hands in hers.

-

After 5 hours of candy floss and helter-skelter filled fun, the night had started to settle down. The group found themselves gathered around the fire pit, sharing drinks, snacks, and stories. The ‘adults’ – Pepper, Rhodey, Happy, and May – were ready to turn in for the night, only to find that Peter, MJ, and Morgan were perched a few feet off the ground in a hammock that Peter had cleverly created for youngest Stark, who was completely enamoured by her 'big brother’ and his spider-talent.

The Avengers were scattered about the pit, little conversations of all varieties taking place. Caroline, Wanda, and Sam were discussing an upcoming mission in Bucharest; Nat and Clint were taking turns trying to get Banners other half to join the party; Bucky and Steve were studying Steve’s phone as they tried to figure out how to queue a song that they liked.

“All I’m saying is, the four of us-“

“Stop saying that! There are three of us going on this mission!”

“Redwing is as much a member of this team as you or me, Maximoff. Don’t you forget it” Sam’s sassy response sent Caroline into a fit of giggles. After a few drinks, Sam became one of the girls; his snappy comebacks, bratty attitude, and overall lack of tolerance for anybody’s shit was impossibly entertaining. It definitely helped that the rest of them had a slight buzz too - even the super soldiers, thanks to Thor’s constant supply of Asgardian strength alcohol.

The warmth of the fire and the soft glow of the fairy lights brought a feeling of contentment to Caroline’s heart as she tuned out of her conversation to look around. She truly felt as though she was at home.

-

The fire had started to die down. Pepper had taken Morgan to bed, and Happy had taken May and Peter back to Queens. Steve, Banner, and Rhodey had also taken their leave, bidding the group good night and wishing Caroline a last happy birthday. The others stayed out, the drinks continued to flow, and the conversation did too. Natasha sat huddled in between Stark and Maximoff, the three exchanging private giggles and whispers, a conversation the boys were not privy to. As they discussed Caroline’s most recent (god awful) date, a very wobbly Bucky Barnes appeared in front of them, hastily shoving Natasha out the way to sit next to the birthday girl.

“Hey cutie.” After she’d stopped laughing, Wanda pulled her friend up and yanked her elsewhere, giving Barnes some time with Caroline.

“Hey Buck.” Beaming up at him, her mind flew to Morgan’s earlier comments. She’d long since accepted the fact that Bucky didn’t want her, but she couldn’t help the butterflies that refused to settle in her stomach when he was near.

“Sorry for running off so quick this morning. I wanted to stay, but these heroes needed my help setting up.” Shaking her head with a giggle, she insisted that he need not apologise, the pancakes were wonderful, and she managed with Morgan.

“I hear Morgan was asking questions?” His tone was teasing but his words tore the smile right off her face.

“Oh, uh – yeah,” she cringed as she spoke “I put her right though. Don’t worry.” Refusing to make eye contact, she missed the look of disappointment that passed over his features. Rubbing his hands on his thighs, Barnes sighed.

“Really messed up there, didn’t I?” Caroline’s head snapped up, brows furrowed. Bucky caught Natasha’s eye and nodded, which she took as a signal to drag everyone inside discreetly to give the two some privacy.

“What does that mean?” The Sergeant winced at the harsh edge to her tone, Hope dwindled in her eyes, along with uncertainty and fear. He’d broken her heart before, and she was impossibly sure that he could do it again if he wanted. “Bucky?”

“I was so cruel, that day in your lab. I never even apologised.” Now it was his turn to avoid her eyes. Her heart ached as she recalled the day he spoke of. "Didn't even say sorry. Because I am, Care. I am so sorry.” It’d never really crossed her mind. After their argument, she’d avoided him for a few days, trying to give herself space to heal. Things slowly returned to normal (especially after Bucky broke things off with his girlfriend), as if there'd been an unspoken agreement to forget about the whole ordeal.

Forcing a small smile and a nod seemed to be all she could manage to do. Nothing was said for a few moments, and whilst the silence wasn’t awkward, she did want to draw out her time with Bucky. Gently leaning into him, he picked up on the hint and let his flesh arm wind over her shoulder, covering them both with a blanket as he did so. Readjusting slightly, she positioned herself so that her back was against his chest, the two sat with legs stretched out on the giant cushions.

“So then, birthday girl. Did you decide how old you are?" His voice was a whisper, lips just barely grazing the shall of her ear. Inhaling sharply, she let herself fall deeper into his embrace, his arm shifting from the girl’s shoulder to sit firmly on her waist. The feeling left her dizzy, and she fought to compose herself. Letting her head fall back onto his shoulder, she closed her eyes.

“Yes actually, I did." Pausing to think for a moment, she searched for the right words; a challenge considering the tipsy haze making words difficult to find. Bucky simply waited for her answer. Pepper had explained her feelings, and he knew not to rush her.

“I’m 21. I’ve lost so much. Thanos took so much. I don’t think I should have to lose this too.” For the first time, the Stark girl didn’t feel like crying when talking about it.

“Well in that case –“ the softest of kisses was pressed to the side of her head “happy 21st birthday, Caroline.” Pulling herself from the soldier’s grip, she turned to face him. Just before she could open her mouth to respond, a loud crash followed by an eruption of drunken giggles sounded from behind them. Letting her forehead fall sharply against Bucky’s shoulder, he just chuckled and turned around to see what the commotion was.

Sam, Wanda, Clint, and Natasha were rolling around on the floor in their laughter, right next to a fallen popcorn machine. With a fond sigh, Bucky stood up and offered his hand to Caroline, pulling her up to join their friends.

It had truly been a tremendous birthday.

TAGS: @hailqueenconquer​

[omgrachwrites]

Schooled (Bucky Barnes)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/OC

Summary: After the passing of Ava’s father she starts acting out which drives her right into the arms of one gorgeous Professor Barnes.

Warnings: fluff, lil bit of angst, mentions of sex

Words: 2140

A/N: Hope you guys enjoy this part and please let me know what you think and if you would like to be tagged! I love you all! xxx

Part Three -  The Lecture

All morning the girls were trying to get the scoop on what had happened between Ava and Bucky because MJ and Wanda had woke up in the early hours of the morning and there had been no sign of Ava. All three of them had snuck out of the boy’s room before they got up and got a taxi back to their own hotel so they could actually start packing for their flight home that afternoon – they even left the hotel room without breakfast.

Ava thought that she’d feel bad for leaving without even writing Bucky a note or something like that, she had never been a love them and leave them kind of girl. She didn’t feel bad though, soon Bucky would be a distant memory and there would be no lasting reminder of the night of passion that she’d shared with a beautiful stranger.

“So, what did happen between you and Bucky?” Wanda asked as Ava was struggling to gather all of her makeup collection together. Ava giggled and raised an eyebrow at MJ who was standing behind Wanda, fiddling with her fingers.

“Guys,” Ava laughed as she found her lipstick in the shower, not knowing how it ended up there, “is this an interrogation or something?”

“It’s just that we woke up around 5am and you weren’t asleep on the sofa bed with us, we were worried,” MJ added.

Ava sighed as she threw her cosmetic bag into her suitcase and turned back around to face her friends, her arms folded over her chest, “look, we watched TV and cuddled,” she couldn’t really explain why she wasn’t telling her two best friends the truth about what went down.

“You cuddled?” MJ repeated as she and Wanda looked at each other uncertainly and Ava threw up her arms in frustration.

“Yes, we cuddled, you know it’s when two people vertically hug or snuggle whilst they’re in bed together,” she smiled as Wanda rolled her eyes.

“Okay, okay smartass. Let’s go and get some lunch,” Wanda laughed and they left their hotel and walked into town.

They found a tavern in the old part of the village, right by the bay which looked beautiful in the early afternoon; New York seemed so grey in comparison. Ava didn’t eat anything too heavy as she was feeling very hungover and she didn’t want to be sick on the plane. Ava felt a little paranoid, she was constantly looking around in case Bucky turned up, and she would rather avoid an awkward conversation.

MJ however, noticed that Ava kept on looking around and clearly she got the wrong end of the stick, “look we know what hotel and room that the boys are staying in if you want to go back and give Bucky your number. We’re right behind you,” Wanda hesitated before nodding in agreement.

Ava smiled as she twirled her face in her Greek salad, extremely happy that her friends were always looking out for her, “it’s not about that, really I’m fine. Thank you though.”

As the girls boarded the plane it truly felt that their holiday was over, summer was almost over and Ava thought that she’d better start her work for her literature class. She had to choose a novel or a play from the syllabus and write an essay on it, choosing her own question; she had chosen Jekyll and Hyde which happened to be one of her favourite books. Shakespeare was on the list unfortunately, she liked Shakespeare but she just couldn’t understand the language that was used which would make it hard to write a decent piece on it. In high school she was able to bullshit an essay on Shakespeare but she had a feeling that it wouldn’t cut it in university, she supposed that she’d have to find somebody that would help her.

Chewing her lip, she looked at her friends and she felt bad, she figured that they deserved to know what really went down between her and Bucky. She thought that there was just no point in keeping it a secret anymore considering that she’d never see Bucky ever again.

“Hey guys,” she started and the girls looked up at her, MJ looked slightly annoyed as she took the headphones out of her ears, “I’ve got a confession to make. Bucky and I had sex,” she sighed, waiting for their reaction which was slightly delayed as they took in Ava’s words. They both gasped, MJ looked excited while Wanda narrowed her eyes.

“You had sex with someone that you don’t even know?” she had a mixture of emotions on her face but she mostly looked worried, she was definitely the mom friend, “why didn’t you tell us?”

“Well, for one I knew that you’d react like that,” Ava grinned as she nudged her shoulder against Wanda’s, “and two. I don’t really know why I didn’t say anything, I felt like I had to keep it a secret for some reason,” she shrugged, “but that’s stupid I guess.”

“No, it’s not,” MJ spoke softly, her eyes soft and sympathetic, “are you going to miss him?”

Ava thought about it for a second, “I’ll miss his face that’s for sure, and he was pretty good in bed,” she smirked, “but I didn’t know enough about him to miss him as a person.”

“That’s probably a good thing then,” Wanda shook her head and went back to her book.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

Ava sighed as she looked at the apartment building that NYU had to offer, to be fair from the outside it looked nicer than the ones in California. The same couldn’t be said for the weather, it had been raining pretty much since Ava had arrived back from Greece. She wanted nothing more than to be back beneath that warm sun. She looked at Pepper who was chewing her lip and blinking rapidly while Morgan was sniffling in the backseat.

“Thanks for giving me a ride Pepper,” she smiled and leaned over to give Pepper a hug and reached behind her to give Morgan one too, “I’ll see you guys real soon, okay?”

Pepper nodded, “we need a tradition while you’re here. How about you come over for dinner on Sunday?”

Ava smiled and nodded, “sounds good, I’ll see you guys then,” she grinned and got out of the car, she was feeling nervous now, especially about meeting her roommate. Taking a deep breath Ava pushed open the door to the administration office so she could get the key to her room.

“Hey girl! I’ve been so excited for you to get here!” Rebecca, Ava’s friend grinned from where she was sitting behind the desk, she took a sip of coffee and Ava vaguely wondered if there was any alcohol in it. She had always been bringing a flask to school with her when they were both in their senior year.

“Your roommate is here and oh my god! He is so gorgeous; his accent is to die for!”

“Well, I can’t wait to meet him,” Ava beamed as Rebecca passed her the room key over.

“Do your classes start today?” Rebecca asked and Ava nodded, checking the time on her watch.

“Yeah, in about thirty minutes, I left the whole moving in thing till the last minute. I didn’t want to leave Pepper and Morgan till the very last second.”

“Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry about your dad,” Rebecca sighed.

“Thanks,” she smiled, fiddling with her room key, “I best go and meet my roommate.”

Rebecca squealed excitedly, “eek! Okay! I am so excited for you to meet him, like I’ve already said it a million times,” she giggled, “if you ever need a wing woman then I’m available,” she winked and Ava rolled her eyes at her playfully.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she smiled and walked up the three flights of stairs to her mini apartment.

On her way up to her room she saw that she wasn’t the only one who was moving in at the last minute, she walked past a lot of open doors as people tried to shift a ridiculous amount of stuff into their room. From being nosey she noticed that the rooms looked pretty okay it had a tiny living room area, a shared bathroom, a little kitchen area and then of course it had the bedrooms in the back. It was incredibly basic but Ava figured that it didn’t matter; she was only here for one year.

As she walked into her mini apartment she saw that there was no one to be seen.

“Hello?” she called out and someone walked out of a bedroom and it almost felt like time stopped moving.

Rebecca had been right; this guy had the face of an angel. He had eyes that were such a light blue that they should have looked cold but somehow they were very warm and soft. To top it all off, he had the curliest blonde hair, it was just to die for – he was to die for.

“Hi, I’m Loki, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” he beamed as he held out his hand, he was so soft spoken that Ava wished that every boy talked like that.

“I’m Ava, it’s great to meet you too,” she giggled as she shook his hand, if she believed in love at first sight then this would be it.

———————————————-

Bucky was about ten minutes into his first lecture at NYU-  he had been really nervous at first but he soon got into it and he knew that this was exactly what he wanted to do. He was very happy that everyone seemed to be listening to him; one of his biggest fears was that if no one listened to him. In fact, there was a group of girls sitting right on the front row and they seemed to be hanging onto his every word. Though, there was one student that was half listening, he kept on glancing at the door every couple of minutes and it was really starting to throw Bucky off.

“Mr Odinson,” he started and Loki looked at him, looking a little guilty, “can you tell me why you’re not giving me all of your attention right now?”

“Err,” he stuttered, “well you see sir, my roo-“he was cut off as the door slammed open, making everybody jump.

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry that I’m late, I completely lost track of-“she trailed off as she looked at Bucky with wide eyes and she was looking very confused.

Bucky felt pretty much the same, considering that it was Ava – the girl that he’d had sex with in Greece. Somebody cleared their throat which brought Bucky back down to earth, remembering that he was in a full lecture hall.

“You must be Ava Stark?” he asked, pretending he didn’t know, dumbfounded she nodded.

“Please find a seat and take out your book list,” Ava chewed her lip and managed to find an empty seat next to Loki.

Bucky carried on with his lecture, kind of distracted as he looked at the pretty girl, he couldn’t believe how unlucky he was to have her as a student. He kept on getting flashbacks to their night together and he remembered just how beautiful she had looked and sounded. Bucky ended up getting so distracted that he ended the lecture about five minutes early.

“Ava, I need a word with you about what you missed in the first ten minutes,” he called to her as she was about to leave the hall. She sighed and turned back around, walking to his desk, he was already writing what she’d missed on a sheet of paper refusing to look at her, “here you go,” he said as he pushed the paper at her.

“Bucky,” she sighed sadly, “are we just going to pretend that we don’t know each other? No one else is here,” she cupped his stubbled jaw.

“You told me that you were an English graduate, I can’t believe you lied to me. Why didn’t you just tell me that you were in your last year of college?” if truth be told he didn’t really care that much but he was still feeling salty about how she left without leaving a note or even her number.

“I don’t know but I’m sorry.”

Bucky sighed and took her hand off of his jaw, “what happened between us in Greece is never going to happen again. I can’t be your lover, or your friend, I can only be your Professor, nothing more.”

“Fine, I understand. One time thing, it won’t happen again,” she rolled her eyes as she turned to leave.

“Ava?” he asked and she didn’t turn around or answer but she did stop, “do make sure that you’re on time tomorrow.”

———————————————-

< previous part                                                       next part >

@void-imaginations @theonelittleone @mikariell95 @leclerc-stan @thejemersoninferno @allthingswildareshy @charles11700 @writingkeepsmewhole @lovely-geek @white-wolf-buckaroo @goodolbucky

[ravenforce]

Begin Again Pt. 1

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x OC!Daughter x Surprise!Character

Word Count: 1827

Warning/s:  Nothing? Except this will be a multi-chapter because this part is long AF, as per usual. LOL. 

A/N: Hey loves, I’m sorry for being MIA for a long time. I bled my heart and soul in this fic, and I guess I’m not really ready to end this journey. This fic is an alternative ending to See You in A minute, meaning Stardust didn’t happen. I hope you’ll like it. If you haven’t read the whole installation, I’ll put the links below. xx

Series: See You In A Minute | I’ll Never Love Again | Stardust

Alt. Ending: Begin Again Pt. 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

It’s quiet hilarious to see a room full of super powered being clamouring to have little Asya on their arms, cooing soft words of love and affirmation to the little miracle that is your daughter but it’s also reassuring. Seeing the Avengers, literally assembled for your daughter’s birth grounds Natasha in a way that she hasn’t felt in a long time since you passed. Seeing her family around your daughter gives her the strength and confidence that she can, indeed, do this because she’s not alone, not really.

***

Raising Asya as a single mother was overwhelming for Natasha. She wasn’t ready, not really. She thinks its infinitely better if you were there waking up at the middle of the night to a wailing child after putting her down only half an hour ago.

There were so many days where she imagines you in Tony’s place, offering to take over Asya so she can catch more than a few minutes of sleep. There were so many days where she wishes it’s you that’s making your daughter laugh instead of Thor. There were so many nights after she put Asya down to sleep where she breaks down and cries because she misses you.

She misses your light, your warmth, your arms around her, your steadfast belief in her ability to be good and your constant reassurance that she’s enough. She misses your undying support that even though she can do everything she puts her mind into, she doesn’t have to because she has you. You stood by her, you fought alongside her, you loved her, you carried half of her burden and God does she wish to have you back in her arms if only the world’s a wish-granting machine.

But Natasha knew a long time ago that the world is cruel. So she allowed herself to break down at nights but come morning, Natasha resolves to be the best version of herself to be the mother Asya deserves.

***

Three

Toddlers are a handful, except Asya’s not like any other kid who yells and wails and pulls a tantrum to get what they want. No, Asya is very diplomatic. Ever since she learned her words, Asya has been a very good communicator since.

How she’s talking way too straight for a three years old was beyond all of them. Except for Tony and the pediatrician and child psychologist Bruce brought in, with Natasha’s approval of course, believe that Asya may be speaking straighter than most kids her age because of the stimulus around her. Asya lives with three adults and an eleven-year-old, no one talks to her like she’s a baby. So she doesn’t talk like one either.

At three, Asya and Natasha have developed a very close bond. Even though they live and share common spaces with the Starks, she’s closest to her mother. She loves following Nat around, and Nat doesn’t complain about it. She’s a brilliant, radiant child and Nat loves being with her because Asya, amidst not meeting you, carries on so much of you in her; not just your eyes, and it makes Nat feel like she has her best friend back.

***

Nat and Asya have established a fairly good routine by now. Every morning, Nat takes her on her morning hike around the property where they sweat and soak up some sun. Asya loves hiking with Nat, where halfway she asked her mother to give her a piggyback ride. Nat doesn’t complain, Asya practically weights anything. Asya also uses this time to ask Nat questions about anything and everything under the sun. Sometimes she makes Nat tell her stories about you and Nat talks her head off until they get back to the house.

After hiking, they would shower and then have some breakfast, mostly with the Starks. Nat's lucky that Asya’s not a picky eater. Breakfast is always a joy, the Starks loves Asya especially Morgan who treats her like a baby sister. Sometimes, Peter would swing by to catch up with Iron Dad, and his adoptive siblings.

***

After breakfast, everyone breaks off to do their stuff. Nat goes to S.H.I.E.L.D three times a week to help Deputy Director Hill on things. It has been a careful deliberation and discussion with her family before everyone agreed that not being coop up in the house is good for Nat. Tony only agreed after Nat promises that she'll do solely HQ work, no mission of any kind whatsoever.

Nat brings Asya along with her. At first, Nat was hesitant but Asya knows how to behave especially when she’s in public. She stays at her mother’s side or Auntie Maria when Nat has to step away for a minute.

After Asya’s first visit, S.H.I.E.L.D gave her an official ID that allows her to enter the premises. On her second visit, Maria gave her a tailored S.H.I.E.L.D uniform with ‘Romanova-Y/L/N' embroidered on it, which she insisted on wearing every time they go to work. Asya strutting around the HQ in her uniform gave her power over all agents on duty, Director Fury included. Nat rolls her eyes lovingly every time Asya bats her long eyelashes to get everyone to scram and procure whatever she wants.

“She is truly both yours and Y/N's daughter,” Maria commented after sitting next to Nat on the command center and watching Asya interact with the other agents.

“I’m scared that she’s this good at three,” Nat said chuckling.  

***

Maria never asks Nat to stay in the HQ all day, and in the event does she does, Maria always takes them to dinner. Nat and Maria maintained a very professional relationship between them in the past but without you and before Asya, Nat became more reclusive which worried her family. So Maria took a chance at friendship the moment she heard about Asya. Nat was surprised when Maria herself, without Nick, came down with flowers to congratulate her. They’ve become really good friends since then.

If Nat's dismissed from HQ early, Nat always brings Asya to Stardust Diner – your favorite - either before or after they go to a museums, library and/or the aquarium. Asya’s sense of wonder came from you, which only makes Nat fall in love with your little miracle more.

***

At night, a part of their nightly rituals is either Nat reading one of your books or showing her the scrapbook the team made to Asya. It’s a collection of photos with you that they’re able to unearth on their camera rolls. Most of them are hilarious, especially those photos of you goofing around with the boys. Some of them are downright sweet, like the photo of you and Wanda cuddling one movie night or the photo of you on Thor's back when you sprained your ankle after a recon mission. Looking at the photos always reminds Nat that she’s not grieving alone, the whole team, the whole family lost you too.

Sometimes it’ll be overwhelming for Nat, and Asya - bless her attentiveness and empathy - would close the scrapbook herself and cuddle her mother. On nights like this, Asya always ends up sleeping over in Nat’s room.

“It’s okay mama, I miss mom too,” Asya would murmur half asleep as she lay on Nat’s chest.

Even though it still hurts, Asya’s presence never fails to soothe her aching heart and soul. With Asya secure in her arms, Nat still sleeps with some semblance of peace.

***

Five

Life will keep moving forward whether you get on it or not but life was put on hold one morning after everyone received Thor’s request for an emergency meeting at HQ. The tension in the room is so thick, one can cut it with a plastic spoon. Tony’s pacing the room, Carol’s bouncing her leg on her seat, even Bucky’s tapping his fingers on the table.

“Relax. I’m sure it’s nothing,” Nat tried to assure the team.

“I don’t know how to relax. The last time we were all in the same room the world was ending,” Tony whispered through gritted teeth. Pepper put a hand on his shoulder and he instantly stopped moving and sighed.

“Maybe I should go check on Thor?” Carol asked as she rises from her chair, unable to sit still any longer. She’s nervous too, Tony’s right the last time they were all gathered together they lost you and Vision.

Just as Carol changed into her Captain Marvel uniform, an alarm sounded in the room; signaling Thor’s spaceship landing in the compound. Their collective hearts hammered as strong as the engines of the spacecraft.

“Finally,” Scott sighed.

***

It took a couple of more minutes before the engines died down. By the time, its entrance opened the whole team has gathered at its mouth. Director Fury and Deputy Director Hill are standing a little further, watching the whole scene.

“What’s happening Nick?” Maria asked.

Nick just shook his head. “Wait for it,” he said.

Rocket was the first to board off, he is still salty as per usual. Everyone gave him high fives. When he got to Nat and Asya, he smiled. Asya ruffled his head, everyone’s shock Rocket didn’t make a fuss.

“You’re in for a surprise, kid,” he said as he handed Asya a space rock. Asya and Morgan's growing a collection, most of them are from Carol. Asya thanked his furry little uncle before turning her attention to the rock.

Before Nat could say anything, Loki and Thor walked out of ship together. Nat tried to read the Asgardians but they’re not giving themselves away. The moment Thor set foot on dirt, there’s a cacophony of greetings and questions.

“Woah! Woah! Take a breathe people, there is no threat,” Thor said.

“If there’s no threat then why haul everyone here? Even T'Challa left Wakanda for this,” Sam said a little frustrated.

Before Thor can say anything else, everyone turned at the sound of another footstep inside the ship. When the person whose said footsteps belong to emerged, every single one of them lost their breath and their tether to earth and sanity.

***

Stepping off the spaceship was none other than you.

Taglist: @natthisback @5aftermidnight