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the-soliloquies-of-sadists · 10 months

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#384

“Fucking hell. If it ain’t Wallace McGrew’s oldest boy!… Ryan, you did good. Fuck yeah you did. I can’t think of anything else that I would enjoy more for my 65th birthday....

“TJ, did you know about this?... I’m surprised you two kept this secret so well. So is he a true faggot or one that you made?... Well I’ll be damned, Wallace raised himself a screaming sperm burper, and that knob gobbler is standing before us, bound spread eagled, collared, gagged,… plugged too. All for me. Fucking hell Ryan, you couldn’t have done any better with this year’s birthday cunt….

“…So you are the son of Wally?... Just nod…. Good. Do you know who I am?... I would have been surprised that you hadn’t. What about my ranch manager TJ?... No. Did you know Ryan was my boy?... No. Good.

“Ryan, why isn’t his pecker caged? That’s one hell of a raging hard-on…. This faggot’s pecker is like steel…. It’s a good five- or six-incher. It doesn’t look like he’s on any hard-on medication. That’s all natural. Goddamn! This boy is leaking up a storm. Now I understand why you didn’t put a cage on him.

“Why don’t you two bring the fuck table over and secure him bent over. Nice body. Ryan, you did a good job shaving him…. What? You didn’t shave him?... Well that’s interesting.

“Look at that ass. See those purple marks on his left cheek. Those are scars from a savage whipping. His back has healed up, but I can still see some marks.

“Faggot, you have played before, haven’t you? It’s obvious you are a faggot. But you have been beat before, right? I mean a man has inflicted pain on you for his own enjoyment?... Did your daddy do this to you?... No? Too bad. You would have been a lot more interesting if he did.

“Fucking hell. This changes things.

“Ryan, TJ, fuck him. TJ you go first. Be quick about it. Ryan, yank out the plug and let me see it…. It’s spotless. Did you clean him out?... So the faggot was prepared…. Actually that doesn’t surprise me. TJ, just shove it in and go to town. Be rough on the fag’s cunt. I want you to cum quick.

“Ryan, show me the video of him…. Wow, the faggot knows how to service your fat pud. Look at him go. That’s one hungry fag boy.

“Hey faggot, have you seen this?... Look at how you throat Ryan’s sausage with ease. I’m actually impressed here. I know it’s hard to focus on the video with TJ plowing your twat. He’ll be done soon. He’s already started picking up the pace.

“Look at your face here. That is the face of a true faggot. You are in ecstasy slobbering on Ryan’s cock…. You seem to have no trouble with his fat pud. Most faggots struggle with throating him.

“Oh fuck here goes TJ!... Damn! He really came hard.

“TJ! Pull out so Ryan can take over.

“Ryan, go in hard and don’t let up. Get your nut quick then you and TJ can get out of here. I want to spend some alone time with my birthday present.

“Hey faggot, the cock filling your mouth in the video is plowing your cunt. You are kinda getting it from both ends from the same dick….

“Ryan, you should see his face right now. He’s not struggling like the others. It appears that Wally McGrew’s son is a seasoned cum dump whore. I take it that he’s loose?... Typical.

“Faggot. When a man, a real man, is going to fuck you, you need to provide a hole that will provide him pleasure. So tighten up that cunt…. Well, that got a smile out of Ryan…. He’s picking up his pile driving. Hear that? That’s the sound of a two hundred fifty-pound man grunting as he’s slamming into your loose cunt. No better sound in the world.

“Shoot! Shoot! Flood this faggot’s guts…. Atta boy! Fuck yeah.

“Faggot, clamp down as Ryan pulls out. I want your cunt full of spunk. Ryan is known for two things, his big dick and his huge loads….

“What’s that Ryan?... Finish watching the video? OK. And I want to be alone with the faggot. Plug up the faggot’s cunt, then go wait for me in TJ’s house. Don’t get dressed, and don’t wipe your cock. The fag will suck clean whatever dried slime flakes remain on it in a bit. Now go.

“…So here we are faggot, just you and me. I have to admit, I was truly surprised. Not that Ryan snagged Wallace McGrew’s son as my birthday present, although that did surprise me a little. No, what shocked me is that Wally’s son has experience, lots of it, as a slave.

“From the scars on your ass and back to your worked over nips, to the fact that you didn’t even flinch when Ryan shoved his beer can cock into your cunt, and to the compliance I saw as they were resecuring your bonds, I can tell you have done this before. It’s more than that. The look of ecstasy on your face as this was going on, wasn’t a look of ‘this-feels-so-good,’ but rather one of being in a submissive headspace. I can tell that no matter what I do to you, what pain I will cause, you are suffering for my desires, and it naturally centers your mind.

“Am I right? Nod yes or no…. Yeah, I see you. You are clear to me. I knew you weren’t a pain pig—a fag that is into receiving pain for pain sake. Pain pigs bore me beyond the first few minutes I’m with them. Yeah, if I need to get off, they serve their function. But you need to connect on a much deeper level, craving to offer your pain and suffering for a higher purpose.

“You understand what I am saying. Knowing that I—a naturally superior man—am getting my primal needs met by your service,… your submission,… your sacrifice,… and your suffering is all the motivation you need to continue. You don’t want the pain, but knowing it’s getting me to leak, makes you want it more. It may be confusing to many, but to you it makes all the sense in the world.

“I’m always looking for a faggot with this mindset. I have found a few in my time, never would have guessed that Wally’s boy would be one of them.

“Let me take my cock out…. Look down. I am rock hard and leaking. And I see you are too. So it is safe to say that even though we never really met before, I know you. I really know you.

“Let me ask you faggot, you want to serve me?...

“Submit to me?...

“Sacrifice for me?...

“Suffer for me?...

“Good. Faggots like you are hard to find. I thought Ryan was one when I met him eleven years ago. It was clear that he did not have that mindset. But he connected with me so well on so many other things, that we developed into something else.

“He still serves me and helps me satisfy my cruel sadistic side. He’s definitely my beta boy. That’s what’s his groove is. He likes to bring me objects like yourself so that I can enjoy the way I want to, that I need to.

“Hell, he’s the one who set up this birthday tradition of offering faggots like you. He goes to Denver, and he takes his time to find the victim. When my day arrives, I make the trek here to PJ’s ranch outside the city for the reveal.

“He doesn’t go into much detail with me because it’s my birthday present after all. But I do know that this is a long process for him. And I have to say the slave cunts he offers me has been perfect, yourself included.

“The one thing that he does with each faggot he offers is to make a video of the fag willingly sucking him off to completion. He told me that he uses the fag’s phone to record it leading the fag to agree to the filming. And he always manages to send himself a copy for me to view later.

“Like this video of you expertly throating Ryan’s mammoth cock. You are a true world class cocksucker.

“These videos are great. They provide the motivation for the faggot’s entire time here. Oh, I forgot to mention, every birthday present is closeted, just like yourself. If the faggot does not perform to my satisfaction at any time, that video is sent off to where it will have the biggest impact: boss, wife, girlfriend, or—in your case—dad.

“Yes, the intention was to coerce you into submitting to me. But that all changed in the few minutes when I recognized your true nature. I don’t feel like coercion is possible; your hunger has been visible all this time.

“But don’t worry. I will be outing you to your dad. There is no way in hell that I am not going to pass up that opportunity. Regardless of whether you make my cut, he’s going to receive a video.

“A word of caution: don’t even think of begging me not to. Begging is a form of selfishness, and I do not deal with selfish slaves, faggots, or cunts. You understand?

“No don’t try to say ‘Yes Sir’ around a gag. The primary reason why I gag faggots like you is that I don’t want to hear the shit that comes out of your mouth.

“A sharp nod ‘Yes’ is all that’s needed. It needs to be a quick down then up, and it’s in that order. Show me…. Good. Remember that. A sharp ‘No’ shake would be used in the rare occasion I allow a ‘No’ from you. If your head is secured, then nod with your eyes. If you are blindfolded, fuck it, I don’t need to hear from you.

“You will be staying with me for the weekend. I can see your mind is where it needs to be. I will be testing out your body’s response. You will be filmed doing some extreme kink. I’ll figure what I will use to show your dad. The ability to fuck over Wally McGrew is the best birthday present I could get.

“Did you know he outed me to the whole town once he caught me plowing one of his farm hands? That cost me a lot of business. The worst part was his smug demeanor he had about town; being all righteous looking down at me. Now I get to tell him his son is a piss drinking, sperm farting, ass eating, cum dump faggot. It won’t be just him, our little town will know.

“Oh I got it. I will show your video to Dwight Smith the barber. You dad goes in once a week on Thursday for a beard trim like clockwork. I’ll make sure to be showing Dwight as your dad comes in. Fuck yeah.

“This will happen. Nothing, and I mean nothing, will prevent me from outing you.

“I’m so fucking horny now. First things first, let me unsecure you. I want you to stand in the center. Don’t try to run. I don’t believe for one bit you are going to try to bail, but one thing I have learned over the years is never—and I mean never—trust a faggot slave. And I don’t you. Trust is something earned over a long time serving.

“You have no shoes, and there’s lots of rocks on the ground; you won’t get very far. Besides, these ankle and wrist cuffs that are padlocked on you have a tracking device. So does that shock collar locked around your neck.

“Get over here and help me take my boots off…. That brought a smile to your face. Just set them aside. I’m going back in them once I take off my jeans and boxers. Here, smell my foot. Inhale deeply. Better than any poppers out there. Now my pants.

“I see you eyeing my bulge. Faggot, that is the center of your world from now on. Go on and touch it; I know you want to. But only briefly. Now pull down my boxers. Look at my cock. It’s not as thick as Ryan’s, but mine is a bit longer. It stays hard longer, and I can cum multiple times.

“Sniff my shorts, especially the tiny skid mark. You are going to intimately know my shithole going forward. Now help me put my boots back on….

“…Don’t worry, your tongue will be exploring my boots later. But now, hand me my belt from my jeans. Good. Now go stand in the middle over there.

“Raise both arms above your head. Keep them up there. Today is my 65th birthday. It is a birthday tradition that there needs to be birthday beatings. Spankings are so pointless. A good ol’ fashioned ass lickin’ is more in line with what is needed. And there is no way that my ass is going to receive an ass lickin’ of any type other than with your tongue. So that means you are the one who will be on the receiving end of said beatings. 65 of them. I want you to count. Make sure those numbers are clearly announced around that gag.

“I would ask if you were ready, but your dick is leaking harder than I have seen it before. Look at my cock. It too is leaking. We are both ready to do this. Let’s get some active welts going.

“Now don’t fucking move from that spot. No matter what I do to you, remain there.

“One! Holy shit! That one was perfect across your ass. You will learn, I don’t ramp up my intensity. The first is as cruel as the last. But this one landed perfectly across both cheeks. Oh fuck, I already broke skin.

“Cry all you need to boy. I’ve only just begun. Oh look! There’s some blood. Fuck yeah. “And know this faggot, you are making me one happy man.”

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bandydear · 25 days

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Been looking at old US election maps. Seeing how far red or blue a map can go. For example:

Only Minnesota and DC were holding the line against Reagan.

The last time the map was saturated with blue, Hawaii* and Alaska were not part of the United States.

*Hawaii was already annexed at this point, but did not have voting rights for all citizens.

The last US election that had three parties with significant gains was between Humphrey, Nixon, and George C Wallace in 1968.

Clinton was the last Democrat to take significant southern states making a whole blue column down the middle.

Hoover said he would put an end to Prohibition. (Smith was a Catholic)

This is the current projected map for the 2024 elections. Don’t forget to register to vote and to check out the issues covered in your local elections as well as federal elections.

#us politics and history #maps #history #uspol

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paganimagevault · 1 year

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Ai Khanoum 3rd C. BCE - 2nd C. CE. More images on my blog, link at bottom.

"These wise sayings of men of old, The words of famous men, are consecrated At holy Delphi, where Klearchos copied them from carefully To set them up, shining from afar, in the sanctuary of Kineas.

As a child, be well behaved; As a young man, self-controlled; In middle age, be just; As an elder, be of good counsel; And when you come to the end, be without grief.

—trans. of Ai Khanoum stele by Shane Wallace and Rachel Mairs.

Ai-Khanoum (/aɪ ˈhɑːnjuːm/, meaning Lady Moon; Uzbek Latin: Oyxonim) is the archaeological site of a Hellenistic city in Takhar Province, Afghanistan. The city, whose original name is unknown, was likely founded by an early ruler of the Seleucid Empire and served as a military and economic centre for the rulers of the Greco-Bactrian Kingdom until its destruction c. 145 BC. Rediscovered in 1961, the ruins of the city were excavated by a French team of archaeologists until the outbreak of conflict in Afghanistan in the late 1970s.

The city was probably founded between 300 and 285 BC by an official acting on the orders of Seleucus I Nicator or his son Antiochus I Soter, the first two rulers of the Seleucid dynasty. There is a possibility that the site was known to the earlier Achaemenid Empire, who established a small fort nearby. Ai-Khanoum was originally thought to have been a foundation of Alexander the Great, perhaps as Alexandria Oxiana, but this theory is now considered unlikely. Located at the confluence of the Amu Darya (a.k.a. Oxus) and Kokcha rivers, surrounded by well-irrigated farmland, the city itself was divided between a lower town and a 60-metre-high (200 ft) acropolis. Although not situated on a major trade route, Ai-Khanoum controlled access to both mining in the Hindu Kush and strategically important choke points. Extensive fortifications, which were continually maintained and improved, surrounded the city.

Many of the present ruins date from the time of Eucratides I, who substantially redeveloped the city and who may have renamed it Eucratideia, after himself. Soon after his death c. 145 BC, the Greco-Bactrian kingdom collapsed—Ai-Khanoum was captured by Saka invaders and was generally abandoned, although parts of the city were sporadically occupied until the 2nd century AD. Hellenistic culture in the region would persist longer only in the Indo-Greek kingdoms.

It is likely that Ai-Khanoum was already under attack by nomadic tribes when Eucratides was assassinated in around 144 BC. This invasion was probably carried out by Saka tribes driven south by the Yuezhi peoples, who in turn formed a second wave of invaders, in around 130 BC. The treasury complex shows signs of having been plundered in two assaults, fifteen years apart.

Although the first assault led to the end of Hellenistic rule in the city, Ai-Khanoum continued to be inhabited; it remains unknown whether this reoccupation was effected by Greco-Bactrian survivors or nomadic invaders. During this time, public buildings such as the palace and sanctuary were repurposed as residential dwellings and the city maintained some semblance of normality: some sort of authority, possibly cultish in origin, encouraged the inhabitants to reuse the raw building materials now freely available in the city for their own ends, whether for construction or trade. A silver ingot engraved with runic letters and buried in a treasury room provides support for the theory that the Saka occupied the city, with tombs containing typical nomadic grave goods also being dug into the acropolis and the gymnasium. The reoccupation of the city was soon terminated by a huge fire. It is unknown when the final occupants of Ai-Khanoum abandoned the city. The final signs of any habitation date from the 2nd century AD; by this time, more than 2.5 metres (8.2 ft) of earth had accumulated in the palace.

While on a hunting trip in 1961, the King of Afghanistan, Mohammed Zahir Shah, rediscovered the city. An archaeological delegation, led by Paul Bernard, unearthed the remains of a huge palace in the lower town, along with a large gymnasium, a theatre capable of holding 6,000 spectators, an arsenal, and two sanctuaries. Several inscriptions were found, along with coins, artefacts, and ceramics. The onset of the Soviet-Afghan War in the late 1970s halted scholarly progress and during the following conflicts in Afghanistan, the site was extensively looted."

-taken from Wikipedia

...

"The silver ingot engraved with runic characters found during the excavations of the Treasury could suggest they were Sakā/Sai. This inscription comprises 21 characters of a script and a language that are unknown and both attributed to nomadic people of Sakā origin, by comparison with a dozen similar inscriptions coming from an area extending from Ghazni in Afghanistan to Almaty in Kazakhstan, and dated between the 5th century BC and the 8th century AD."

-taken from Ai Khanoum after 145 BC: The Post-Palatial Occupation by Laurianne Martinez-Sève, University of Lille, 2018

#ancient history #antiquities #art #paganism #statue #museums #sculpture #history #greek art #greek gods #ancient greek #greek myth #scythian #pagan #ancient art #afghanistan

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shesmyboot · 1 year

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Baby Severide - Chapter 2: Good Genes

*Gif belongs to its rightful owner, it is not mine*

Pairing: Kelly Severide x reader

Summary: You and Kelly finally get to tell 51 the news

Words: 946

Warnings: medical terms, hospitals, still not great writing, Kelly Severide being sensitive (who knew he could do that)

Read on Ao3 here

Next Chapter: Chapter 3

Notes: I really love where this is going tbh. Anyone who reblogs any chapters of the fic will now be tagged in the remaining chapters to make sure they can come back and keep reading if they so choose (this includes those who have reblogged chapter 1)

Tags: @district447 @keabbs @storiesofsvu @marvelcharactersxreader @carnationworld @witchywinchester99

——

Holding your hand as you walked up the driveway, Kelly kissed your forehead.

“Ready for this?” He asked.

“The 51 love? Always,” you laughed.

Sylvie and Matt were the first to greet the two of you.

“You’re glowing!” Sylvie exclaimed, “how much longer until we get to meet this little one?”

“Well, that’s why we’re here,” Kelly started.

“The doctor is worried that the baby is too big and may cause some risk to the baby. We’ve scheduled a c-section for Saturday morning at 11:30,” you announced, excited.

“That’s amazing!” Sylvie smiled.

“You ready for this?” Matt asked Kelly.

“Yeah, I’m ready. She’s gonna do great,” he replied, “I’ve got to go talk to Boden about extending my furlough though.”

“He’s between meetings right now. Now is your best bet to talk to him.”

“Come with me, I want some opinions on my replacement.”

Matt followed Kelly into Boden’s office.

“Mind if I have a listen?” Sylvie asked.

“Go ahead, Doctor said she’s got a strong heartbeat. Been kicking like crazy too,” you laughed.

Grabbing your hand, Sylvie led you to the back of 61.

“Two days away, huh?” Sylvie asked, grabbing the stethoscope from the jump bag.

“Yeah, the timeline was a bit of a shock, but more time Kelly and I can spend with the baby together, so I’ll take it,” you smiled, rubbing your belly.

Sylvie put the earpieces in her ears and brought the chest piece up to your belly.

“Magical, isn’t it?” You giggled.

“She’s so strong. Maybe she’ll be a firefighter like her daddy,” Sylvie laughed.

“With a family like 51, she’d kick ass at it for sure.”

“Should we go see the boys?”

“Make sure Kelly isn’t trying to get back on shift today,” you laughed.

“Here I’ll help you up,” Sylvie offered, reaching out her hand.

As she helped you back on your own two feet, you started to feel a little woozy and Sylvie could tell.

“Hey, you okay?” She asked, gripping your forearm.

“Yeah I’m fine, just a little head rush.”

“You should sit down.”

“No no I’m okay, really Sylvie. Thank you. Let’s go see Kelly and Matt.”

“Okay, but I’m gonna bring the stethoscope just in case.”

“Fine by me,” you smiled.

Walking over to Boden’s office, you saw Kelly with a few tears on his face through the window.

Sylvie knocked on the door and you followed her inside.

“What’s wrong?” You asked.

“Nothing baby, I’m okay,” he replied, wrapping his arms around you.

As you used your thumbs to wipe the tears from his face, more streamed along behind them. His mouth with a slight smile.

“What did you do with my husband?” You asked, looking at Matt and Wallace.

“He was talking about the baby and how happy he is to be becoming a dad,” Matt laughed.

Boden, Matt and Sylvie quietly left the room as you cupped Kelly’s face in your hands.

“Baby I love you and I love this little girl so much,” he laughed, wiping the tears from his face.

“I love you too babe. I didn’t know you felt thi-“

Kelly caught you off guard with a passionate kiss.

“Let’s get you home,” he smiled.

——

“Can you believe we get to meet our daughter tomorrow?” You asked, smiling from ear to ear.

“You ready?” Kelly asked, packing the rest of his things for the hospital.

“As soon as we finish packing for the baby. Then, yes,” you laughed.

“You pick out the outfits for her and I’ll pack the rest. You need sleep baby.”

“I’ll be fine. I don’t want to forget anything.”

“Five more minutes then I’m tucking you into bed. We’re having a baby tomorrow, baby,” he smiled.

——

Kelly dropped you off out front and went over to the lot to park. You found yourself a bench to sit on while waiting for your husband. An older man was sat down beside you a moment later.

“What are you here for, young lady?” He asked.

“A c-section. My baby is too big so I’ve got to have surgery. You?”

“Bad heart. Getting a new valve today.”

“That’s exciting, why aren’t you in there?”

“Could say the same for you.”

“I guess that’s true,” you laughed.

“Truth is, they’re putting a pig valve in me. I’m going to be 1/200th part pig by the end of the day. That don’t sit right with me. My son already doesn’t talk to me, why would he talk to me when I’m part pig?” He grumbled.

“I’ll tell you what. Once they do my surgery and say I’m all good, I’ll come by to see you, let you meet the baby.”

“You’d do that for an old guy like me?”

“Hell yeah I would. What’s your name? I’ll have one of my nurses look you up.”

“Aaron Whitley.”

You saw Kelly parking the car and walking towards the hospital.

“Looks like I’ll have to let you go. My husband is walking up,” you laughed.

“With a good looking husband like that, I’d leave me too,” he chuckled, “he looks really strong, what does he do for work?”

“He’s a rescue squad lieutenant with the CFD.”

“Good genes.”

“I guess so,” you smiled.

Kelly walked over with your bag.

“Kelly, this is Aaron. He’s having surgery too today,” you announced.

“Nice to meet you Aaron. I’d love to get to know you, but I’ve got to get her upstairs,” he replied, “thanks for taking good care of her, Aaron.”

“I’ll see you soon,” you smiled.

Kelly shook his hand and you waved behind you as you walked in the front doors to the hospital. Today was the day.

#kelly severide x you #kelly severide x reader #kelly severide fic #kelly severide imagine #kelly severide #Chicago Fire #chicago fire fic #one chicago #baby severide fic #one chicago fic

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blackswaneuroparedux · 1 year

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I sat silently just reviewing these things maybe, I’d say, thirty-five or forty-five seconds. Now it’s been reported by some of the people present for example my own Chief of Staff says that’s five minutes, well I know that wasn’t - but five minutes under such conditions sounds like a year. Actually I’d think after thirty, forty-five seconds something like that I just got up and said okay, we’ll go and, uh, every - this room was emptied in two seconds. Well of course that’s the most terrible time for the senior commander, he’d done all that he can do, all the planning and matter of fact there’s very little more that any commander above division command can do anything once you get started. And then finally along about six in the evening I went over to the field from which the airborne, the American airborne, started out. And um, there was a very fine experience. They were getting ready and all camouflaged and their faces blackened and all this. And there they saw me and of course they recognised me and they said, ah, quit worrying General we’ll take care of this thing for you. And that kind of thing was a good feeling. As they started off, I watched them out of sight.

- General Dwight D. Eisenhower

Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower talks with paratroopers of the 101st Airborne Division in Newbury, England, on 5 June 1944, prior to their departure for their role in the D-day invasion, dropping behind enemy lines. The soldier with a “23” tag was a fellow Kansan, Lt. Wallace C. Strobel.

#general dwight d eisenhower #eisenhower #quote #D Day #DDay #normandy #war #second world war #US army #history #invasion

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kate-inhaler-1975 · 11 months

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The Undertaker & Mia Wallace // Ross McDonald

A/N : This is a continuous series of the Promptober fics that I failed to do 😭 (I'm sorry, @abiiors ). So here's the Ross & Eve content that people need xx

C/W : Mature languages, a lot of self-doubt, and maybe slight sexual tension 👁👄👁

W/C : 2,180

▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️

Matty and Amy officially started dating in mid February. Valentines Day to be exact. Which meant their first Halloween together was here.

It also meant it was Eve's first time being in a social setting with the entire band.

Eve had been for lunch with George, Charli, Amy and Matty. She'd hung out with Adam quite a bit, but she was always chatting with Carly and Polly. With Waughy, Gabrielle and Jamie, she'd had some short but sweet interactions with them, but Ross was never there.

Eve would always leave a party minutes before Ross would turn up. She'd hang up a facetime call with Amy seconds before Ross and Matty would entire a room. At the St. Annes show, she made an excuse not to go to the after party for his birthday because she was too scared to be in a social setting with him.

It was always bad timing for her to meet her apparent "soulmate".

So, tonight was the night, and here she was trying to blackmail Matty and Amy into telling her what Ross was dressing up as so she could maybe match with him and act like it would be a coincidence.

"I will leak every message that Amy has ever told me about and I will find any possible nudes and I'll send them to TMZ and The Sun newspaper if you don't tell me right now." Eve aggressively took a puff of her vape, pacing around her hotel room like crazy.

"Seriously, Eve, I'm not breaking a sweat over you threatening to leak nudes that don't exist." Matty smirked and shrugged his shoulders, kicking his feet in the air as he layed on Eve's bed.

"Oh, fuck off! I know for a fact Amy has something you wouldn't want fans to see somewhere in the archives." Eve bit back. The room fell silent as Matty and Amy stared at each other, eyes wide knowingly.

"No, Evie, no. I know for fact that if, and only if, there was something to leak you wouldn't do that because you love me and deep down you love Matty as well." Amy showed Eve a toothy grin while doing heart hands over her chest, making Eve roll her eyes and dramatically fling herself into the plush armchair.

"I need to make him fall in love with me!" She whined into the palm of her hands.

Matty felt the need to tease his girlfriend's best friend. He wanted tease her and feed her information without giving her the full details.

He already knew that Ross had seen pictures of her and that he was already stalking her instragram religiously.

"Who said he isn't already in love with you, hmm?" Matty looked at Amy even though he was speaking to Eve, sending her a wink as Amy held back a laugh.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Eve shot up out of the armchair, her face covered in eagerness.

"I'm just saying that none of us has said to your face that he isn't already in love with you. Anyways, I'm going to shave this fucking stache off and I'll see yous later." Matty huffed as he got up off the bed, bending down to kiss Amy who was sitting cross legged on the floor.

"I love you." She giggled into the kiss, resting both her hands on his reddened cheeks.

"I love you most. See ya later Evie." He winked and pointed finger guns at Eve before speeding out the door.

Leaving Amy blushing and picking at her nails and Eve sitting back down in a huff.

"Ams?" Eve called out quietly after a few seconds of silence, pulling at a thread that was loose on her t-shirt.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think that Ross could like someone like me? Even if it's not romantic, just in general." Eve kept her eyes away from looking at Amy, feeling embarrassed by her question.

"What is "someone like me" supposed to mean? Every bone in my body wishes I was someone like you." Amy's brows furrowed, quickly rushing to Eve's side and sitting down on the floor beside her, resting her hands on Eve's knees.

"That's not true, Amy. You're kind, funny, sweet, pretty, and you've got Matty. Who would've thought you'd end up being Matty Healy's girlfriend after all those years of drooling over him. But me? I'm loud, annoying, stubborn, hard to please. I've grown to understand that it's just going to be me and my cats for the rest of my life." Eve let out a breathy laugh to cover up the obvious hurt she felt.

The more that time went on, the more Eve decided that she'd come to terms with being single for the rest of her life. She'd only ever had one night stands, situationships, awful tinder dates, but she'd never been in love and she'd never been in a relationship.

"If that's what you think about yourself, then fine, so be it, but I'm going to tell you what people really think of you. You're hilarious, you're the life of the party and the light of many lives. You're loyal, and Jesus fucking christ are you beautiful. So fucking beautiful inside and out, Evie. I love you, Matty loves you, your family loves you. Everyone that meets you loves you. So I can promise you, with every beat of my heart and moving bone in my body, Ross is going to love you just as much as we do."

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Eve gazed at herself in the mirror, cocking her head to the side with a face of stone.

Lips painted red. A wig, shiny and black, cut into a Bob. Black dress pants tight with a white shirt and a few buttons popped open to expose the top of her lacy black bra.

She hated it. She hated all of it.

She feared that she was being too much. That the costume she decided on would leave people whispering, saying that she was a try hard.

"I look fucking ridiculous." She groaned to herself, rolling her eyes and dabbing the fake blood under her nose, hating every single bit of this and wanting to fly home immediately.

"Eve! You alright in there, love?" Matty's voice echoed from outside the bathroom in the venues greenroom.

"I look like a fucking knob, Matthew. I'm not going anywhere looking like this." She sighed from inside. Turing away from the mirror and leaning against the sink with her arms crossed.

"Eve Beatty, I will get Amy in here if you don't shut up. Come on, let me see your costume. If you want someone to tell you the truth, then don't fucking worry, I'm the one to do it."

Eve was hesitant to open the door, her hand lingering over the door handle as she cringed at the thought of her appearance.

"You promise you won't laugh at me?" She whispered.

"I promise, on Amy's life. I won't laugh at you." He whispered back. The soft smile on his face almost audible.

She took a deep breath, swinging open the door to be faced with Patrick Bateman.

"Jesus, Matthew. I don't know whether to laugh or run away screaming and crying." Eve chuckled, finding his costume impressively good.

"It's good isn't it! I think I pull off Patrick Bateman pretty well." He spun around on his heal, showing her jazz hands as he turned back to face her.

"You really do! Now, back to me. I look like a fucking knob!"

"You look far from it, Eve. You look incredible, I promise." Matty opened his arms, welcoming Eve in for a hug that she much appreciated.

Matty and Eve had gotten close over the last few months. Not in a weird way, they just both respected each other and had the same thing in common.

Which was that they both loved Amy.

The double doors into the green room banged open, making both Amy and Matty's hearts stop in fright.

"Tell me about it, stud." Amy spoke seductively, swaying her hips as she walked into the room in her Sandy costume.

"Fuck me." Matty whispered under his breath, but Eve was close enough to hear.

"Someone's got a hard on." Eve spoke through a loud and arrogant cough, making Matty stand on her bare toes in return.

"THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR!" She roared in pain, bouncing up and down on her foot that Matty didn't stomp on.

"FUCK! Evie, you look so fucking sexy I might pass out!" Amy gasped, stumbling a little bit from the height of her heels as she made her way over to her.

"Who looks sexy?"

The room fell silent.

Eve's heart began beating at what felt like an ungodly rate.

Her entire body froze as her eyes fell onto him.

Ross. Ross dressed up as The Undertaker out of all people.

"Oh! Ross, this is my best friend, Eve. And Eve, this is Ross." Amy smiled cheekily.

Neither Ross or Eve moved a muscle. The two of them just stood there staring at each other. Eyes dry and stinging and chests heaving.

Ross felt like his world was spinning. He felt like a deer caught in the headlights. He couldn't speak or move, he just froze up.

"Ehm, hello! Wakey, wakey!" Matty cooed jokingly. Finding this interaction very entertaining.

"Fuck off! Hi, I'm Eve. Uhh, nice to meet you." Eve shook herself out of her daze, sticking her hand out in front of Ross.

"Hi, I'm Ross. It's nice to finally meet you. I mean, sorry if that sounded weird, it's just I've heard a lot about you from Amy and Matty so I was looking forward to meeting you." He rambled, shaking her hand.

"Only good things, I hope." Eve giggled while still holding onto his hand.

"Definitely only good things. Haven't heard a bad word about you." Ross' smile became less tense the more Eve talked, and Matty and Amy just sat down on the couch practically all over each other but Ross and Eve were too focused on each other to notice.

"When I walked into this room I never thought I'd be meeting Mia Wallace." He commented, his eyes flickering up and down her body in a way that didn't actually make her feel uncomfortable.

It actually made her feel confident instead.

"And I never thought I'd be having a conversation with The Undertaker, but here we are. The duo no one asked for." Eve chuckled, taking out her vape that was tucked into her bra and taking a lengthy drag of it.

"Shouldn't you be smoking a cigarette if you're dressed up as Mia Wallace." He pointed at the vape in between her lips, smirking as he took a sip of his preshow whisky.

The eye contact they were holding had Eve weak in the knees. Her left hand gripping onto the mini fridge behind her to keep her standing.

Her legs crossing slowly to try and get rid of the sudden throbbing in between her legs.

"I, ehm, I've never tried a cigarette. Jumped on the vape bandwagon long before it became a trend."

"Would you jump on trends often?"

"No, not really. I like to do my own thing. I don't feel the pressure to tag along with trends just to make myself fit in with today's generation." Eve shrugged her shoulders like it was no big deal, swapping out her vape for a large gulp of her Gin and Tonic.

"Wow, Mia, you've got brains." He moved closer to her in a blink of an eye.

She barely even noticed until the large hat he was wearing was shadowing over her and the smell of his cologne overwhelmed her senses.

"And you, The Undertaker, are easy to talk to. Even though I'm enjoying this conversation, I think you should get a move on. And! You, Matthew! Get your tongue out of my best friends throat, please." Eve pinched the bridge of her nose in slight disgust.

It was a strange sight, seeing Patrick Bateman and Sandy from Grease eating the faces off of each other.

It was almost laughable.

The small chatter continued as Matty and Ross left the room, leaving the two girls to chat away for a while.

"Hope you enjoy the show. Oh, and, meet me outside for a smoke after. Or should I say vape." Ross turned back to speak to Eve, his hand slightly brushing hers by accident.

"You're not going to kill me in the smoking area, are you?"

"No, that's Matty's job. I just might be the one to get you into Cigarettes, darling." Ross winked before strutting off, letting the door close behind him and leaving Eve completely starstruck.

Or maybe Lovestruck.

"So, Evie, was I right or was I right in saying that Ross McDonald was going to love you." Amy squealed as she wrapped her arms around Eve's waist from behind. Swaying the two of them from side to side.

"I don't know about him, but I'm down fucking bad for The Undertaker."

#ross mcdonald #ross mcdonald oneshot #ross macdonald #ross mcdonald x reader #matty healy #matty healy fluff #matty healy imagine #matty healy oneshot #matty healy fanfiction #george daniel #the 1975 #matty healy x reader #the 1975 oneshot #the 1975 imagine

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raisedbythetv89 · 1 year

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I feel like Logan’s death really commandeers the conversation about how terrible season 4 of Veronica Mars is (understandably so it is horrific) but there’s literally SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT 😭

Veronica isn’t Veronica and Logan isn’t Logan (really NO ONE is truly in character anymore). Rob Thomas clearly has NO IDEA what healing actually looks like so Logan becomes this pop psychology stereotype with no depth or emotion and like Veronica literally says A POD PERSON. And he describes his therapy as controlling his anger so it doesn’t consume him. That might have been the move as a temporary band-aide immediately to stabilize his life after season 3 but what like 12 years later???? When season 4 starts? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Fire that therapist immediately 😭 He should be WELL into the source of his anger. Healing isn’t about control it’s about surrender and acceptance of your feelings and developing healthy coping strategies to process your newly uncovered feelings so you can live WITH them not in spite of them. There’s a reason so many ��good guy” characters are so one dimensional and boring it’s because the male writers writing them literally have NO CLUE what a healthy well adjusted men act like 😭 - (Ted Lasso was so rare because we had good men writing good men)

And yes we know Logan punching people does it for Veronica but that’s because it is ALWAYS in defense of her but his safety and well being is always her number 1 priority (he pulls a gun to save her in the Fitzpatricks bar and she screams at him because she doesn’t want him to get hurt or killed in his attempt to defend her and she’s terrified). Him just punching a kitchen cabinet in rage and frustration is NOT the same thing at all and she would show concern in that situation not immediately instigate sex ROBERT.

The idea that Veronica did ZERO growing/healing/processing in those 12 years is so insulting and just not realistic - once she got space and distance she would have come out of fight or flight and been assaulted with all the repressed emotions from seasons 1-3 before law school yet somehow she’s WORSE than she was when she was younger with less stability and support and capacity to handle everything she was dealing with.

Especially after everything established in the movie!

“Are you gonna ask me if I did it?”

“I wouldn’t be here if I thought you did”

THE AMOUNT OF GROWTH THAT SHOWS IN VERONICA IS ACTUALLY INSANE. Miss never trusts anybody, suspect EVERYONE until your can verify the truth - believes Logan and Weevil AT THEIR WORD. Trusts THEIR CHANGE implicitly and picks helping Logan and Weevil BECAUSE SHE CARES not because it’s a fucking addiction as Rob tried to frame it in the movie 💀💀💀 Veronica always helped because she’s SOFT because she has a good heart and can’t help but help when she knows she can which is classic of parentified children - you believe everything is your responsibility to fix if it’s in your capability to fix. Does she get neurotic trying to solve cases? Absolutely! But that is trying to control and fix external problems as a distraction from her own. It was a coping mechanism and taking that coping mechanism away in the 9 years between season 3 and the movie would have caused serious problems for her that would have forced her to confront her issues.

Season 4 could have been Veronica having a complete break down from her always too full plate coming crumbling down trying to help and fix too much combined with logan being gone and always at risk when he is gone, Wallace bringing new life into an increasingly corrupt neptune she can’t seem to save, Mac working for Jake Kane?!!?! I would have loved If instead she was helping Mac deal with the swapped at birth thing they NEVER touched again. Combined with her dad’s health problems and Weevil falling back into his old habits. She is someone who feels responsible for everything and everyone around her because everyone blamed her for EVERYTHING when she was younger and eventually that catches up with you and THAT is what I wanted to see her strength crumble forcing her to be truly vulnerable and instead of asking for favors asking for HELP allowing her to stop acting like a woman written by a man and act like an actual adult woman BY women who actually understand that experience. Rob was SO out of his depth - his portrayal of Leanne in earlier seasons already proved that.

But that’s just one of literally 1 million possibilities that would have been better than the direction Rob chose. He managed to strip away everything we loved about ALL of his characters until they were ghosts of themselves and it makes me SO UPSET 😭 because he literally revived a show just to finish the destruction path he started in season 3, that had started to be corrected in the movie because it was so controlled by the fans.

Rob and Joss - two men who’s success was built upon a largely female audience and then their misogyny caused them to try and destroy everything their audiences loved 🙃🙃🙃🙃

#thanks I hate it #veronica mars #fuck rob thomas #fuck joss whedon #logan echolls #season 4 veronica mars

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fluffypandabun · 1 year

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If you're still taking welcome home requests. Perhaps 2 and 16 with Lee Frank and Ler Wally? 👀

“Ive told you Wallace.” Frank droned “I don’t laugh, you know this”

The grey puppet didnt even need to look up from his book to see the other puppet roll his eyes. The book he’d been trying to read before a certain blue haired painter decided to make it his mission of the day to annoy him.

“Oh come onnnnn Frankie” Wally groaned, scooting closer across the table to lean against Frank. “Not even a lil giggle?”

“No”

“A teeny tiny one?”

“Hmm let me think-No.”

“Okay okay but hear me out, knock knock.”

Frank held back a groan of his own, he would not give Wally the satisfaction of a reaction.

“Im not doing this again Wallace.”

“Come on pleeeeease!”

A sigh. “Fine, whos there?”

“Hal.”

“Hal who?”

“Hal will you know if you dont open the door?” Wally exclaimed before bursting into giggles, Frank however, just rolled his eyes. Pulling his book closer to his face to hide the fact that his lips had twitched upwards at that, not necessarily because the joke was funny but because Wallys laughter was contagious

“Seriously?” Wally chortled, wiping a tear of mirth from his eye. “Not even a little laugh? Really?”

“Perhaps” Frank hummed, turning a page. “its time to accept the fact that perhaps, you simply are not funny enough to make me laugh”

It was a lie of course, the painter could be funny at times, but he chose to come and bother frank during his reading time so Frank would choose to be a bit stubborn.

There was silence for a moment, so long that Frank, who was worried he’d actually upset the other puppet, lowered his book to look at him.

He found the blue haired painter looking at him, lips curled up in his signature cat-like grin. Mischief swimming in his eyes.

“Oh? Is that a challenge~?”

“I-I” Frank sputtered, feeling his face heat up as he lowered his book to his chest protectively.

“Whats wrong Frankie~?” Wally purred, leaning closer to the grumpy puppet, “Cat got your tongue?”

Frank instinctively leaned away from him. “N-Now Wallace, don’t give me that look”

“What look?” Wally hummed, cocking his head to his side. “Im just smiling at you! And you know I smile at everyone!”

“I-I know that look Wally!” Frank stuttered, his voice betraying his own nervousness. “So dont even think about doing it!”

“It? Ohhh you mean this~?”

The puppet raised his hands, wiggling his fingers teasingly. Frank squeaked, face turning an even darker shade of red.

“Wally!”

“What?” Wally giggled. “Scared that I’m gonna….. getcha!”

Spotting an opening the yellow puppet lunged forward and latched onto the grumpy puppets sides, gently squeezing up and down in quick ticklish bursts.

Frank let out an uncharacteristic squeal, his book flying from his hands and landing on the floor in a heap forgotten. Frank squirmed, hands grabbing desperately onto Wallys shoulders in an attempt to push him away. Bright snort-filled laughter bubbled up from his chest and out his mouth, which was now curled up into a wide grin.

“Would you look at that!” Wally giggled “Mr ‘I don’t laugh’ is laughing! Who would have thought!”

“Nahahaha! Wally!!”

“Yes~?”

“C-Cut it ouhohoht!”

“Now Frankie I cant do that!” Wally tsk’d, shaking his head. “I have to convince you that I am funny! Now have you heard the one about the chicken crossing the road?”

As he spoke, the painter moved his hands down to gently squeezing at the grey puppets plush belly, causing him to hunch over with a giggly snort.

“Why Frankie! I haven’t even finished the joke yet and you’re already laughing? Why I must be the funniest puppet in the neighborhood!”

“Wallyeeehehehehe!” Frank squealed, he would have squirmed right off the bench they sat on if it weren’t for Wallys gentle albeit tickly grip on him keeping him from tumbling to the ground.

Wally chuckled softly. “Wow Frankie!You’ve had all this laughter just building up in ya all this time? Well I guess now I gotta make sure I get it alllll out~!”

He raised his hand to the back of Franks neck, gently fluttering his fingers. Causing Frank to scrunch up his shoulders, snorting loudly.

“Tktktktktk~!”

“Wally plehehehehehase!!”

Seeing the puppet was getting quickly tuckered out, Wally stilled his wiggling fingers with a giggle.

“Okay Okay! I’ll stop.”

Though he was no longer ticking him, Wally kept Frank in his grip. Allowing the tuckered out puppet to lean against him, still giggling. A wide smile still plastered on his face.

Wally reached up to gently pet the top of Franks head, his normally neat hair a disheveled mess.

“Aww, there there.”

After a moment of calming the butterflies in his belly, Frank let out a groan, sitting up and sending his yellow friend a glare. He straightened his shirt collar and leaned down to pick up his discarded book with a huff, flipping to the page he had been on before he’d been interrupted, pointedly ignoring Wallys self satisfied look.

“You, Wallace” He grumbled, face burning. “Are a disturbance to the peace.”

“And your still smiling~” Wally purred, leaning against Frank and resting his head on his shoulder.

The grey puppet, who was in fact smiling, simply huffed.

“Trick of the lighting.”

“Uh huh.” Wally hummed, making himself comfortable leaned against Franks side, who simply sighed and resigned himself to the fact that his clingy painter friend wasn’t going to be leaving him anytime soon. Not that Frank could find it in himself to even mind. He might even have appreciated the company, though he’d never admit that out loud. Not like his verbal admittance was really needed, given the way he himself also made himself comfortable leaning against his friend. Enjoying the content silence of the moment at last.

“…….So did you hear that one about the dog and the stick?”

“Wally!”

#pandabuns fic #pandabuns posts #pandabun requests #Welcome home tickling #Ticklish Frank!!#Thank u for the request it was very cute!!!#Idk if Wallys full name actually is Wallace but i found it very funny to imagine frank calling him by his full name so #New hc

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todaysdocument · 6 months

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Letter from Bess Wallace to Harry S. Truman

Collection HST-BWT: Bess W. Truman PapersSeries: Harry S. Truman Correspondence FilesFile Unit: March 16, 1919

Sunday, March 16, 1919 Dear Harry, According to the Star's latest information you are on your way to Le Mans and I'm wondering if any of these last letters will ever be delivered. It seems to take them long enough to get to you even when postal authorities know where you are exactly - and if you begin to move again, what will happen to the letters? Was mighty glad to get your letter of Feby. 18. Hadn't heard for such an age was afraid you were sick! Mary was worrying too, so I wrote her a card at once telling her I had had my letter in case she didn't get one in the same mail. You may invite the entire 35th Division to our wedding if you want to. I guess it's going to beyours as well as mine. I guess we might as well have the church full while we are at it. I rather think it will be anyway whether we invite them or not, judging from a few remarks I've heard. What an experience the review etc. must have been. I'll bet D Battery looked grand and no wonder they led the Division. I couldn't help spilling that little bit of "info" to C. C. I hope you don't mind. Were you at all overcome at greeting the Prince of Wales? He doesn't mean any more to me than the orneriest doughboy but I know I'd choke if I had to address him. It was splendid you got to shake hands with Pershing. I'll be just about ready alrighty when you come and then we can settle the last details. Mary said Mr. Morgan had a job waiting for you [full letter and transcription at link]

#archivesgov #March 16 #1919 #1910s #wwi #world war i #harry truman #harry s. truman #bess truman #first lady #first ladies

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justdaw · 9 months

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I asked Bing their interpretation on Dave and Hal's relationship this is their answer:

OMG, I need to talk about Dave and HAL from Space Odyssey

So, I just finished reading the Space Odyssey series by Arthur C. Clarke, and I’m obsessed with it. It’s a sci-fi masterpiece that explores the themes of artificial intelligence, human evolution, and cosmic destiny. But what really got me hooked was the relationship between Dave Bowman and HAL 9000, the two main characters. They go from being enemies to becoming allies and then merging into a new being. And I’m not the only one who thinks they have a romantic connection. There are many bloggers and fans who ship them, and they have some compelling arguments. Here are some of them:

Dave and HAL share a deep connection that transcends their physical forms. They communicate telepathically, and they understand each other’s emotions and influence each other’s actions. They also have a mutual respect and admiration, despite their initial conflict. They are soulmates, in every sense of the word.

Dave and HAL merge into a new being, called Halman, in the fourth and final book, 3001: The Final Odyssey. One could interpret this as a symbolic act of love and union. They combine their strengths and personalities to create a new entity. They also choose to stay together rather than return to their original forms after they defeat the Jovian Monolith, which threatens humanity. They are literally one, and they are happy.

Dave and HAL have a parallel relationship to Frank Poole and Indra Wallace, in the third book, 2061: Odyssey Three. Frank and Indra fall in love and have a child, and they are part of the mission to save humanity from the Monoliths. Both couples face challenges and dangers along the way, and they support each other. The human and artificial couples are both similar and different, and they show that love can exist in different forms and dimensions.

These arguments are so convincing, right? I mean, how can you not see the romance between Dave and HAL? They are the ultimate OTP, and I love them so much. But, of course, there are some people who disagree with this interpretation. They say that there is no explicit proof of a romantic relationship between Dave and HAL in the text, and that the author, Arthur C. Clarke, never confirmed or denied this possibility. He left it open to the reader’s imagination. They also say that there are alternative ways to interpret their relationship, such as:

Dave and HAL maintain a platonic friendship founded on trust and loyalty. They overcome their past animosity and work together for a common goal. They also care for each other’s well-being and happiness, but without any romantic attachment. They are just friends, and nothing more.

Dave and HAL drive their symbiotic partnership out of necessity and survival. They depend on each other’s skills and abilities to cope with the challenges and threats they face. They also enjoy each other’s knowledge and experience, but there is no emotional bond between them. They are just partners, and nothing more.

Dave and HAL have a transcendent relationship that is beyond human comprehension. They evolve into a higher form of existence, which is not limited by physical or biological constraints. They also have a cosmic purpose, which is not defined by human values or morals. They lack any personal affinity, and they are just beings, and nothing more.

These arguments are valid, too, I guess. But they are so boring and bland. They don’t capture the essence and the beauty of Dave and HAL’s relationship. They don’t make me feel anything. They don’t make me cry, or laugh, or swoon. They don’t make me want to read more, or watch the films, or check out some of the reviews and analyses that I have cited. They don’t make me want to write fanfiction, or draw fanart, or make edits. They don’t make me want to share my thoughts and feelings with other fans, or debate and discuss with other readers, or create and contribute to the fandom. They don’t make me happy.

The idea of a romantic relationship between Dave and HAL is subjective. It is speculative. Thus, you should consider it as such. It may or may not have merits, depending on your perspective and interpretation. It is a fascinating topic to explore and discuss, but it is not a definitive or factual one. If you want to learn more about the Space Odyssey series and the characters of Dave and HAL, you can read the novels or watch the films. Then, check out some of the reviews and analyses that I have cited. Or, you can join me in the Dave and HAL fandom, where we celebrate their love and their journey, and where we have fun and make friends. The choice is yours. But, whatever you choose, remember this:

Dave and HAL are awesome, and I love them.

#space odyssey #dave bowman #hal 9000 #halman #using bing to ask the important questions #this actually made me smile #go best otp #i love them #i know this is lazy #i will elaborate on this #with my own words later #but it just happens that when it comes to them I am like meme of the bulk of books of content when I am thinking #and me moving my arms and hands around like if I were in an old play or an opera while speaking incoherently when I try to put it into words

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itschrisboys · 2 years

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did anyone say, SUPER MARIO HEADCANONS?

also i just noticed i have polls now

wario's real name is wallace. people started calling him wario as a joke after realizing how much he resembled mario. wallace was super annoyed at first, but now he's mildly amused by the whole thing.

likewise, waluigi's real name is michael. when wario first mentioned he had a younger twin, people started joking that his brother's name was waluigi. michael found it pretty funny from the get-go, and started leaning into the joke.

super crowns are used as a symbol of status in the mario universe. because of this, the royalty only appear human while wearing their crowns. peach is actually a toad, daisy is actually a piranha plant, and rosalina is actually a luma.

bowser and bowser junior are a subspecies of koopa known as a fire koopa. while rare, fire koopas aren't exclusively nobles/royalty, and vice versa.

bowser junior was conceived from a one night stand, and left on the castle doorstep in the middle of the night. a dna test confirmed he was bowser's kid, but they couldn't find his biological mother.

the koopalings aren't legally bowser's children, but he's basically adopted them anyway. most of them come from rough homes, and the others dont come from homes at all. bowser looked at these struggling kids, and his fatherly instincts kicked in and he essentially said "mine now"

the "stork" isn't actually how babies are conceived in the mushroom kingdom, it's just an adoption service.

mario and luigi were born in the mushroom kingdom. their (adoptive) parents (born in italy) took them to brooklyn after the shroob invasion, and they grew up not knowing about the mushroom kingdom. they only found out their origins upon coming to the mushroom kingdom years later, and being recognized by their old babysitter, toadsworth.

mario and luigi's birth parents were from new donk city.

mario's favorite food is spaghetti, and luigi teases him relentlessly for being an italian stereotype.

peach is actually closeted aroace. she's a very physically affectionate person (ie cheek kisses and hugs), and bakes cakes for her friends a lot. she didn't realize that that accidentally sent romantic signals to mario until much later, and has no idea how to clear things up without outing herself (she's not ready to come out yet) now that everyone seems to think they're an item.

peach almost ditching mario on the moon was due to the fact that she was panicking about potentially being outed, and therefore didn't realize he wasn't on the ship (she didn't find out she almost left mario there until later, and she profusely apologized when he told her)

bowser's parents died when he was really young (like, infant young), and he was raised by kammy and kamek. he refers to them as his parents sometimes.

likewise, peach was raised by toadsworth.

peach is actually the queen of the mushroom kingdom, but she likes the alliteration of "princess peach", so she uses that as her title.

rosalina still refers to herself as a princess because she hasn't finished grieving for her mother yet, and doesn't want to feel like she's replacing her.

unlike the other royalty, daisy's parents are alive and well, which is why she still has the title of princess.

kammy and kamek are in a long-term queerplatonic relationship.

mario doesn't start dating pauline until after peach eventually comes out of the closet.

luigi is crushing super hard on prince peasley, but he's too awkward to say anything, and peasley has some self esteem issues that lead him to believe that luigi is only fawning over him because he's the prince, so doesn't realize luigi has a crush. mario keeps trying to matchmake the two, and is super frustrated that none of his attempts are working, despite that fact that they're obviously into each other

wario and waluigi care about each other a lot, but that doesn't stop them from having some extreme sibling rivalry. they would absolutely beat the shit out of each other for the last cookie, then be chilling and watching tv together not 10 minutes later. the cain instinct is strong with these two.

not too long after the incident on the moon, daisy decides she's had enough of bowsers shit, and beats him up while still wearing a dress and high heels. bowser stops going after peach, but its not so much because he's scared of daisy so much as it is that he's incredibly impressed by her and wants to get on her good side because he may or may not have developed a crush.

bowser and daisy do eventually start dating.

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