#can’t believe I have to learn a new platform

[majkainredshoes]

Well in case the bird flies headfirst into a window I guess I’ll actually start using this account for other stuff than lurking…

[moonchild1]

 kim taehyung fic rec list (Ⅴ)

hello everyone i know it's been a while since i posted, work has been hectic, but i got some time and managed to finish a list so please enjoy i have a few lists ready to post so i'll que them up... here's my all time favourite taehyung fics, please show lots of love and support to these wonderful authors and their blogs, leave a heart, reblog or even leave a message or feedback under their posts i know they would appreciate hearing from you, some of these fics contain smut so no minors allowed you will be blocked ♡ feel free to recommend me some fics or just share what your reading right now i'd love hearing from you 🖤✨

a- angst s- smut f- fluff

series

only here to sin by @gimmethatagustd s a ft. namjoon

When your genius of a boyfriend returns to Harvard for his sophomore year of college, you never would have expected to have his worst enemy keeping you entertained in his absence.

our gray winter by @vyduan s a ft. jjk

“Were you looking for this?” Taehyung asked as he handed you the box of tampons you always bought. He remembered. You wanted to sink into the floor and die. Instead, you recalled your manners and said, “Thanks.” You put the box in your basket. “I can’t believe you remembered.” He beamed at you. It was patently unfair how he could look all glowy and soft while you looked… not like that. “Of course, Y/N.” If possible, Taehyung’s voice dropped even lower. “I remember everything about you.”

schemes and tricks to win her heart by @crystaljins ft. ksj

Rich company heir Kim Seokjin has a plan to win the heart of the girl of his dreams, and you, his little brother’s best friend, are dragged along for the ride. His younger brother objects, of course.

camboy!tae by @hisunshiine f s a

Give me all of your love, gimme something to dream about. KTH is your favorite camboy, and as a loyal subscriber, you are chosen to test out some new features on the platform he uses to go live. He’s really good at selling his viewers a dream, and as a thanks to a new milemark he’s hit on the platform, he’s choosing one winner to get their fantasy scene. 

tolerate it by @archivedkookie s a

Taehyung is your husband, and you love him. If only he loved you back; if only he cherished your love and not tolerated it.

what was hidden by @daechwitatamic s a ft. myg

This is how it all starts: Taehyung is flunking Western Lit. You're assigned to tutor him. His paper on Strindberg's The Ghost Sonata could pass or fail him for the semester. As you and Taehyung slowly become friends, then more, you learn that there's a lot more to him than you originally assumed. Together, you navigate your own experiences with the play’s themes: one's "true self" versus one's "shown self", darkness behind the facade, and how people can be quite literally haunted - and it has nothing to do with ghosts.

complete faith by @daechwitatamic

It’s Taehyung himself who admits that it’s usually around the one-month mark that he starts to lose interest in his relationships. So even though you’re so drawn to him you can barely stand it, even though he’s attentive and funny, even though you’re helplessly crazy about him… when you start dating, you feel like you’ve got an expiration date from day one. But will it be Taehyung’s issues that get in the way, or your own?

and they were roommates by @hoseok666 f s a ft. jjk

it all started with a rejection from your longtime crush, jeon jungkook. you decided to confess to him on your last day of high school. after a harsh rejection and a rough summer dealing with the heartbreak, you were starting anew once your freshman year of college came. you were going to be sharing an apartment with two other roommates that you don’t even know. what a surprise you’re going to be in for once you find out it’s the one and only: jeon jungkook and kim taehyung. 

with a brush of fate by @yoongiofmine f s a

Your roommate was sure she found you the perfect man. Her boyfriend believed he found Taehyung’s soulmate. The only problem was that you never wanted to date an idol and he never wanted to drag you into this life. Taehyung didn’t even know what he wanted anymore and was tired of being criticized for simply growing up. You just wanted to finish university and do something for yourself. What started out with the meddling of your friends became something neither of you expected. Could the two of you be what the other is missing? Or would things just fall apart?

groovy by @kinktae f s a

Even in the 70s, it goes without saying that you shouldn’t have feelings for your best friend’s little sister. 

tempting by @/kinktae s a

Y/N is an angel. She steers clear of the seven deadly sins, especially lust. She runs into a demon but, luckily for her, that demon doesn’t seem to buy into that whole “Angels and Demons are sworn enemies” idea. But unluckily for her, he just so happens to be the very embodiment of sin. Especially lust.

talk by @gukslut f s a

Finals week is kicking your ass, thank goodness you have a friend to help you relieve some stress. It’s a great arrangement, as long as no one finds out... as long as you don’t catch feelings. What could go wrong?

somebody to love by @cutechim

kim taehyung wins the heart of everyone he meets, and you—his self-proclaimed work “nemesis”—are not an exception.

tear you apart by @bratkook s

I want to hold you close, soft breasts, beating heart, as I whisper in your ear, ‘I wanna fucking tear you apart.’ demon au

clairevont by @/bratkook f s a ft. jjk

The second year of college starts off with a bang until you find yourself tangled in between your fuck buddy Kim Taehyung and his innocent room mate Jeon Jungkook.

free use by @littlemisskookie f s a

You tell your crush you want him to have full control of you in every way always. He obliges.

lost myth of truelove by @sugalaritae f s a

for six months you wait for him, a weekend spent together, finally able to reach the man your soul is tethered to.

because of you, blue by @ugh-yoongi f s a

nearly a year out from your breakup with taehyung, jin begs you for help saving his failing restaurant. the two of you aren’t exactly friends, but you feel some stupid sense of obligation and, really, what’s the worst that could happen?

true love by @jjkeverlast f s a

in which you're face to face with your ex again after 5 years, because both of your friends start dating each other.

obsidian by @kpopfanfictrash s a

The world of magic is divided into dark and light, witches and warlocks, choice and fate. You’re a prodigy of light, a witch who works within the police force. You’ve heard of Taehyung in passing, spoken in whispers as the warlock of dark who has the world holding it’s breath.  All this changes on the night you’re assigned as security for a mysterious singer named V and you come face to face with Taehyung himself. What happens after that might be fate.

baby, baby by @hobiwonder ft. pjm f s a

When you’ve run out of savings to continue on to the last semester of your Bachelors - you take an unorthodox route. Helping a desperate couple have a child and getting paid for it? Heck yeah. But what do you know - it wasn’t as easy as it sounds.

entangled by @caelesjjk ft. jjk s a

He saved your life twice. But he’s also been your sweet lab partner in college for the past two years and now someone who is more than just a friend. You care about him…maybe even love him. But something tells you that you aren’t quite sure what love even is. How could you when you have feelings for someone else as well. Kim Taehyung is the handsome stranger you’ve seen around campus and somehow ended up dancing with at Club Onyx. You were upset that Jungkook had stood you up once again and Taehyung made you feel like you were on top of the world. What you didn’t know that night, is the dark secret Taehyung is trying desperately to hide, but the closer the two of you get the more difficult that becomes.

buzzed by @junqkook f s a

maybe ordering a vibrator and letting your best friend open your mail wasn’t such a great idea.

queen cobra by @fantasybangtan f s a

when your boss offers the chance to take down the nation’s most lucrative gang from the inside out, you know you’ll do it no matter what the cost… even if that means entering an arranged marriage with the kingpin himself.

pulse by @rohobi f s a

You fell in love with Kim Taehyung during Medical School. Now living totally different lives in completely different hospitals, you're pulled together again as if by fate during a code black when someone plants a bomb in your hospital. 

things we don't say by @wintaerbaer f s a

Three years after graduating college, everything seems to be falling into place for you: stable job, cozy apartment, and a long-term boyfriend with a ring box hidden in his desk drawer. But when a mutual friend makes a remark that your best friend of nearly two decades is clearly in love with you, you realize that life may not be as simple as it seems.

mars by @to-star-lake s a

ahistorical au, military au, yandere!taehyung

satisy by @suga-kookiemonster f s a

 “listen,” taehyung says, eyes wide and eager as he smiles at you. “i figure we can just help each other out. i scratch your back, you scratch mine.” but when you find yourself suddenly in need of a massive favor, exactly how much scratching are you willing to do?

no kisses by @icedmatchatae f s a

It's championship week! The most anticipated week of the school year; however, leading up to the events, you and your council must collaborate with the football team to promote school spirit and pride. Unfortunately, you're forced to work with your number one enemy, Football team captain and fuck boy, Kim Taehyung, known for having a mysterious "no kisses" rule.

beyond desire by @strwberrytae s a

it’s never easy falling for your best friend when you have so much history. it’s especially difficult when you both share the same sexual desires and lifestyle. taehyung is a dominant CEO of a well known company in Seoul and you are an up and coming editor. while both of you come from a troubled and dark past, you lean on each other for support and comfort. what happens as your feelings blossom and grow over the years? what happens when you fear taehyung may be falling in love with someone else? will you confess your feelings or remain in the shadows?

one-shot

crazy for you by @oddinary4bts f s a

 you’ve known Kim Taehyung your whole life. When you meet again at a party hosted by your best friend, alcohol looses your lips and you spill your secrets to your childhood crush. Will Taehyung give in to your desire, or will you be struck by remorse?

seventeen times 17 by @cutaepatootie f s a

You loved him Seventeen Times 17.

ten out of ten by @shadowkoo f s a

For the past three years, Kim Taehyung has made it his mission to annoy you relentlessly on campus, finding every possible way to drive you up the wall during your shared classes. However, as you both enter your senior year, something strange happens. Taehyung begins to sense a shift in his energy, realizing he might just have some secret feelings for you. What unfolds when you make this earth-shattering discovery too?

under wraps by @jungkxook f s

there’s nothing you and taehyung seem to hate more than each other - except for christmas. having recently been dumped by your (now ex) boyfriend only seems to make this holiday even worse. but when taehyung suggests that you should pretend to be dating each other to save you both the embarrassment, pity, and bothersome questions from family and friends alike for a fun carefree month of celebrations, you can’t possibly say no.

always the bridesmaid by @kookingtae f s a

When you first meet Kim Taehyung, you’re determined to find every reason you can to hate him—or maybe he’s just looking for ways to get on your last nerve. But when a turn of events has the two of you working the wedding of the man you’re hopelessly in love with, you’re too late to realize the real reason to hate Kim Taehyung is because of the latest column he’s secretly writing: “Always the Bridesmaid, Never the Bride”, and it’s all about you.

any way you want it by @noteguk s

in which your best friend, Taehyung, finds out about your unsatisfying sexual experiences and decides to put an end to that track record himself. 

sharing is caring by @jjkpls f s ft. pjm

Taehyung is taken aback when his soulmate, Jimin, introduces his new girlfriend to him. Jimin tries to help them break the ice.

the end of all things (and the beginning of us) by @/kidguk f s a

the end of the world has come and passed, but there is still much to live for. there’s hope, there’s tomorrow, and there’s that guy you met while scavenging for supplies in an abandoned cinema. turns out he hates being alone, and the feeling is mutual.

aberrant by @kth1 f s

Meeting a handsome and rare fox hybrid was the last thing you had expected in a world of coexisting hybrids. What you also hadn’t expected was how this fox found a liking to you, showed up randomly at places where you were and next thing you knew - you were falling, hard, for the man.

lost in you by @/jjkeverlast f s a

the infamous kim taehyung, campus fuckboy and heartthrob is much more than you thought after an unexpected night.

the dinner date by @diortae f (ao3)

pretending to be on a date with your best friend to get a free meal at the fancy restaurant jeongguk works weekends at doesn’t sound so terrible, all things considered. there’s just one small problem: you’re pretty sure you’re in love with the aforementioned best friend.

until yesterday by @jimlingss f s a

You and Taehyung are hopeless as you are hopeless romantics. But five months after tying the knot and saying "I do", you're hospitalized after a car accident with him. But upon waking up, the doctors tell you that you don't have a husband.

the forsaken by @yoonia s a ft. knj

In order to save your people from the danger of drought and hunger, your father had sent you out on a mission across the ocean to find the heart of nature that could bring back the prosperity which your land had long lost. As the Chief’s daughter, you took the mission as your responsibility, even if you had to let the man that vexes you the most join you in your journey, even if you had to ignore the Elders’ warnings about the dangers and all the vicious monsters lying in wait.

blacklist by @httpjeon f s a ft. jjk

after departing from your dom, you’re assigned to two incredibly powerful men.

1-800-music-street by @/httpjeon f s

↬you’re enchanted by a street performer and then he saves you, resulting in multiple meetings one can only describe as fate.

farner boy i love you by @strawberrynamjoon f s a

↬Needing change in your life you decided it would be a brilliant idea to move to your uncle’s small farm, helping him and your cousin Jimin with the daily work. What you didn’t plan was to fall in love with your beautiful yet very annoying neighbour Taehyung, who seemed to make it his personal mission to tease you every chance he got. And what you expected even less was that he seemed to like you too.

waterloo by @/kinktae f s a

↬Taehyung is a famous but pessimistic art prodigy who doesn't believe in love. You are an art student studying in Paris, who sees the world through rose-colored lens and is a certified cheesy romance film enthusiast. And this is your love story. Or, “Well, it is the city of love. Maybe you just need to fall in love."

get you the moon by @bymoonchild f s a

↬Life has its ways of fucking with you, but you know you’ve hit 50 feet below rock bottom after being tasked to do a profile feature on Kim Taehyung, the varsity football captain, for your school newspaper. Pure torment awaits you, but this is alongside glassy eyes, pink cheeks and conflicted feelings that you’ve never dared to imagine with the likes of the devil incarnate.

fate of the fast & furious by @prolixitae f s

↬you’re a first-generation college student and taehyung is the hot guy with a love for motorbikes who lands the job babysitting for your family while you’re away.

fast & fearless: what comes first by @/prolixitae

↬taehyung is used to earning his keep through illegal street races, and he’s got every reason to win that upcoming promise of prize money for an old friend. but when the odds don’t fall in his favor, he turns to babysitting. enter, you: a first-generation college student with too much to lose to be spending all your time with a troublemaking biker. who also happens to babysit for your kid brother.

cobalt blue by @hobivore s ft. jjk

↬you ask Jungkook to draw you like one of his French girls. 

let it snow by @/suga-kookiemonster f s

↬it all started by accident, but it continues by choice—even before you began sleeping together, things with your friend taehyung have always been comfortable and easy. simple, and this new arrangement between you is certainly no exception to that rule. well...that's definitely what you thought before a major snowstorm traps the two of you in his apartment over the holidays. now? now, it is quickly becoming apparent that things are a bit more complicated than you realized.

muse by @/suga-kookiemonster f s

↬this could finally be tae’s big break, but he’s nervous and struggling to find inspiration. luckily, you’re willing to support him in all ways necessary.

falling, falling gone by @johobi f

↬Taehyung. Captain of the soccer team. Master of your heart. You'll never tell him for fear of rejection. So why the fuck are you about to do it in front of dozens of his peers?

new tricks by @geniuslab f s

↬When your newly adopted puppy turns out to be a lot more work than you expected, a cute dog trainer comes to the rescue. You soon become friends, but you begin to realize friendship might not be all you want.

guns & roses by @chateautae f s

↬he was cold-blooded, stone-faced and ruthless; a formidable force anyone in the criminal underworld sought to destroy. and he didn’t care, so long as it was never you.. anything but you.

saudade by @chateautae f s a

↬a demanding idol lifestyle was something taehyung and yourself were all too familiar with. it wasn’t so hard when considering your unconditional love for one another, but lately, taehyung wasn’t the same anymore; and you decide it's time to find out why.

strands by @xjoonchildx s a

↬taehyung can't figure out how he got separated from his men, or how he ended up stranded in these woods -- hurt. the only thing he knows is that he has no choice but to rely on the beautiful, secretive stranger who's found him.

cheap skate by @/gukslut f s

↬Who doesn’t know Taehyung and his lady? Cutest couple in town, I’d say, and have been since they started dating in their college days. Oh, that was a while ago, though. And still, they’re happy as can be in that place they have together. Almost hate seeing one without the other, y’know, it’s like seeing just one testi- oh, right, I’m not supposed to talk like that. Anyhoo, I only say that because I saw Taehyung at a jewelry store the other day while I was buying my sweet Jiminie his presents. Maybe that boy’s finally gonna pop the question, but I do hope he’s got a good plan for it. Something sweet and romantic. Maybe I’ll find out after Jiminie gets back from that cabin he’s visiting. 

definition of love by @taegularities f s a

↬When the gorgeous student from your literature class starts showing interest in you, you discover that there's much more to him than his know-it-all facade. But is this realization enough to get through your insecurities and secrets?

↬looking for other kth fics or the other members check out my library for more

[neptunes-sol-angel]

Pick the picture(s) that you're drawn to the most, then scroll down for its corresponding message for insight on what's next for you in love.

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Pile One ♡

I strongly feel that most people in this pile would be considered as someone who is inexperienced in love, maybe you guys are bookworms, maladaptive daydreamers, and writers yourselves when it comes to visualizing your future, different settings for how the world could be, and breathing life into the people that you haven’t gotten the chance or time to get to know yet. What’s next for you in love, is practice. You’re upgrading from being Bambi by becoming the Great Prince of the Forest by taking risks before you are able to know and find what is right for you. Some of you may believe in holding yourself tightly before you meet “the one” but the message is that you are being unfair to yourself by putting your life on hold to revolve it around someone who is also learning too, but isn’t waiting like you are doing. This doesn’t mean to be reckless or to feel coerced into going along with people you don’t have a good feeling about just for the sake of finally being in a relationship. This stage is about exploration and enjoying yourself before you meet your life partner. If you resonate with being a bookworm, you could be the type to read romantic fictional stories on a platform like wattpad, and while it serves its purpose which is to make you feel good, it could create an irregular perception of love for you, like subconsciously romanticizing traits that are toxic or wouldn’t be something that you would actually like if you were to actually experience it. For some, it could be re-evaluating your attraction to individuals, like when you crush on someone, you could find that they really look good, but do you yearn for more from them? Your path in love could be redirecting you to pay attention to how a person makes you feel than what you get from them on a surface level of interaction.

Pile Two ♡

There was someone in your life that you once felt like you couldn’t live without or took something from you that seemed irretrievable, but you’re being blessed in a way that’s shutting all of those lies down. You’re getting you back, in whichever way that it applies. This could be your motivation to take care of yourself, to do things that made you feel happy and at peace before this dwindle ending happened, like going to the gym, arts & craft, writing, solo trips or going out with friends, and even something simple as such as looking good for yourself, but it’s not limited to what was mentioned. This could even look like getting closer to who your deity or deities and spiritual maintenance. The best way that I can describe this, is that this phase in love is like this big circle of energy, stuff that was taken or borrowed from you, that’s being marinated before it is returned because it isn’t just aspects from the past, it’s also the time for creation. This whole entire time, your rain of tears that were collected from this heartbreak were observed yet not ignored, but transmuted into this empire that you’re building off of the corpses of failures that you’ve experienced with not just people but life circumstances, maybe when that break up happened it just seemed that more tragedies kept following you after that and it drove you into insanity like when does this pain ever end? Although you can’t forget about it, you’re learning how to soften from these things that stung you in the past, so that you can keep moving and consolidate your wishes. For some, this is personal, and an era that you’d like to be selfish with in order to see what else you can create, like developing a strong daily routine, starting that business, or maybe even working on yourself so that you can heal others, while the other side of this collective will open their hearts again to a new love which can be romance, friendship, or even adoption that is just as equally healing.

Pile Three ♡

The next thing in love for you is learning how to stop trying to win. I’m picking up multiple scenarios for this but the premise is that people in this pile are in love situations where there is no winner, and if there is, let the other person be the one to have it so that you can walk away and stop blocking yourself from better to come in. Some of you are in a long battle with a person by competing with them on who has the upperhand in the situationship, this involves the runner and chaser dynamic constantly reversing and both of you keeping tabs on each other when you’re supposed to be in no contact. The second scenario is sticking beside someone who has a wandering eye but trying relentlessly to get this person to choose you the way that you choose them. The third scenario is in general, trying to prove yourself in order to gain love from others by manipulating yourself and even them to win their affection. There is this storm brewing, you can even call this a tower moment, that could happen to finally get you to see the many ways that you are downplaying yourself with people who have stayed in your space and energy for far too long. You’re going to surrender from these situations to know what it means to pick yourself up and see how beautiful and worthy you are to the extent where you’ll be baffled by how much you’ve been settling for people who don’t deserve you. This phase will come with new connections, but what makes it different is realizing your authority in this by realizing how possible and freeing it is to choose people that choose you. Once you realize that you’re the prize in this game, let the winner take pride in being the fumbler, and be proud of yourself for not being the one to fumble you.

[iridescentttears]

idk about u guys but this feels like a riddle… sommonday, 8 days, guarded secret, december 1964, whistleblower, hyperbole.

okay so if summonday is the 8th day of the week, and the countdown began on release day july 23rd, and then 7 days later on july 30th the countdown ended and another countdown in negative time began. if “time is dead and meaning has no meaning” then everything could be malarkey and there’s not gonna be any way to predict what’s gonna happen. but also, maybe time got reset when it “died” and july 30th became day 1/ the first day of the week. we’re currently at day -5 and 19 hrs.

perhaps (based on nothing but the number 8 maybe-clue) on the -8th day of the countdown which falls on august 7th, they’re will be some form of a release/ another clue that hints closer to the answer.

that would make the time from release day to lost files release day 16 days (two weeks if we are counting summonday as the 8th day of the week)

all i’m saying is this feels very much like the brewings of a modern day cipher hunt like maybe it’ll be less about traveling to physical places like the original but instead some sort of wild goose chase treasure hunt online through hopping websites and soundtracks and books from 1925 and just like mixing the media formats. i think the mixed medias in tbob are so incredible and are really what set this book apart as its completely original entity and not just a sequel to journal 3. and with that shift feels very reflective of the era of time we live in now and in no way tries to recreate any previous era. ALSO all the metaphorical foils and parallels that alex hirsch has been begging us to see through the great gatsby are important. the literary connections between bill and gatsby’s characters AND the real life lesson of: we can’t repeat the past, we can’t get back things we lost, if we choose to live in the past it will lead to our demise but if we look to the future and accept what’s happened, we have a chance of building something amazing. (sooo no season 3 ppl like that’s not what any of this is about)

and and side note if the majority of the public believed the government release of the truth about “summonday” to be hyperbole, what about the minority that took it seriously? who are they? did they decide it together? are they in some sort of group/cult together?

the themes of cults, cult leaders, sociopaths, narcissists, and control come to my mind immediately regarding tbob, great gatsby, and now these weird cryptic messages from jason ritter…

sooooo long winded answer later,

i would love it if the countdown would end in 3 days @ -8 days and for it to lead to another link or to a code or to some sort of next step for us all to work together on tumblr and twitter and reddit and discord and all the platforms. thus ushering in the beginning of a new cipher hunt— but not like a cipher hunt 2. this is alex hirsch we’re talking about. i think the stakes will be different and i think it will be much less about physically finding things in the real world and more focused to online clues. and if it does end up being some sort of wild goose chase treasure hunt online i will be sooooo overjoyed.

cause i think that working together to solve mysteries as a collective is where this fandom shines. we make allies, we learn from each other, y’all are all so fucking funny and smart and passionate and genuine and i love hanging out in this community in the space between space and time.

i would love to go on that adventure with y’all cool internet sleuths!!

[buckybarnesthehotshot]

Francis Forever (CS55 x Reader)

|ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ|

summary: words unsaid keep him up at night after y/n loses her f1 seat (inspired by Francis Forever by Mitski)

word count: 4117

warnings: angst not proofread, swearing maybe, y/n is essentially daniel from the 2022-2023 season

December 19, 2022 (Spain)

        He was lost in the 2022 season.  Red Bull had a different dominance to them, and Ferrari could not seem to keep up with the absolute rocket ship of a car Red Bull had. In the end, his thoughts only drifted back to her. They both struggled greatly in the season. The season was over, and so were they. 

        It was three in the morning in Spain—he’d spent the night tossing and turning in bed, seeking warmth his blankets could not provide him—when the news stumbled onto his social media. Multiple accounts across multiple platforms announced y/n to be Red Bull’s third driver for the 2023 season. He even went on Red Bull’s account to verify the news. 

        He sighed. He believed she would have taken a break from Formula 1 in the time she wasn’t going to be driving. Instead, he was mortified to learn his ex girlfriend would only be a few garages up the pitlane. How couldn’t she? With the love Red Bull always had for her, it was never going to come into question that they would have bailed her out of the situation she found herself in for the season. 

        Despite Red Bull’s history with its drivers, his heart lit up with joy knowing they would have taken care of her. After all, her time with Red Bull was preferable to the time she spent with McLaren. He was almost in a daze, caught up in the moment when he found himself scrolling through his phone’s contacts, his heart skipping a beat as his gaze landed upon the familiar contact; her number saved under the name “Mi Amor”.

        “Saw the news, amor! Congratulations, I can’t wait to see you again on race weekends” he typed up before mentally kicking himself when a moment of logic washed over him. Though the message was plain, it was far too sentimental for his liking. Far too sentimental for what they were now. 

        “Congratulations. See you!” he made a attempt to revise the message. He sighed, repeatedly tapping on his phone’s backspace key until not a single trace of the message existed. No message. It’s what he had settled on instead that night. 

March 3, 2023 (Bahrain)

        It was time for the first race of the 2023 season. Walking through the paddock, he saw her. She smiled as she walked past reporters and photographers, clad in her team’s dark blue t-shirt as she made her way over to the Red Bull garage. He stood still, watching her from meters away as she disappeared behind the motorhome’s walls. He could not bring himself to move closer to her, unsure of whether or not he still had the right to do so after their breakup. 

        Back then, race weekends were not so awkward. They used to be fine. Perfectly fine, and so perfectly enamored with each other. Their eyes used to light up so clearly when they spotted each other from across the paddock walking into their respective motorhomes. It was never this messy between them. 

        August 27, 2022 (Belgium)

        The 2022 season was exhausting for the pair. y/n had just announced she was parting ways with McLaren and that made it all real. And though Carlos wanted to be there to support her, he had his work to do with Ferrari. After the announcement, she was working to prove herself to other teams, fighting to make the improvements she needed to. The pair hardly found much time for each other. 

        A few garages distance had never felt so far. 

        “So, Red Bull wants to give me a third driver seat,” she spoke as they jogged side-by-side on the hotel gym’s treadmills. Her e/c eyes scanned his face for a reaction, frowning when she got none. It took her waving her hand in front of his face for him to finally rid himself of his earphones. 

        “Sorry, amor, were you saying something?” he questioned cluelessly, an expectant look on his face. She frowned.

        “Never mind. I haven’t signed anything yet,” she shook away the thought of letting him in on the news this early. 

        “Why? Are you getting offers already?” he questioned almost absentmindedly, gaze fixed on the view outside the glass windows the treadmills were situated in front of. 

        “Kind of? Not really, though. It’s complicated and the driver market is insanely complicated this year,” she shook off the thought. Mercedes had offered her a role as a reserve driver, and Haas offered her a seat she had no plans of taking. She didn’t know how well those teams would have fared for her and her career. 

        “Let me know when you have a seat, yeah? We can go out and celebrate,” he smiled proudly before making a suggestion, “If you can’t find one, maybe I can put in a good word for you in Ferrari for a reserve driver seat or something.” 

        She grimaced at the thought. There was nothing wrong with it. She knew he was trying to help in a way he knew how. Still, it felt as though he were implying she needed him in order to stay in F1. Him leaving McLaren was what led her into the team in the first place. To many, it seemed like Carlos was responsible for the opportunities she was given in her career in recent years. It wasn’t fair for her achievements to be diminished by the fact that her career was waning, incomparable to the way her boyfriend’s career shone. 

        “I don’t need it,” she responded, her tone clipped, “I’ve got opportunities. Plenty of them. I’ll find a seat next year on the grid, and if I have to wait for somebody else’s contract to end, I’ll do it.”

        “Maybe you can try a different racing series?” he suggested, “Le Mans could be interesting for you, no? Maybe even rally cars like we did with papa that one time.”

        “And what about us? Would we be able to take it? Traveling to different places in the world at different times, our schedules almost never lining up?”

        “I think we can handle it,” he nodded, interlacing their fingers, “I have trust in our relationship. I know we can make it through anything.”

        “Well, I’d like to stay in F1. Maybe I can take a short break before I get a seat back. I’m sure I’m not leaving Formula 1, though.”

November 22, 2022, Monaco

        “You know, I think you’re taking this a bit extreme now,” Carlos sighed, watching her race on her racing simulator set up in their apartment. 

        “I have to do this, Carlos,” she insisted, “I have to prove I’ve still got it.” 

        “And who are you trying to prove it to? It’s just you and me here, y/n,” he reminded her, unplugging the simulator and wrapping his arms around her, “It’s going to be okay. Take a moment to rest.”

        “Okay,” she nodded, giving into his request and following him to the living room. She let out a sigh, “It’s weird for me to think I won’t be racing next season after all these years. I thought I had my contract sealed for next year. I thought I would have had time to redeem myself at McLaren instead of having them buy me out.”

        “I know, Amor,” he sighed into her hair as he held her in a comforting embrace, “I’m going out with some of the other drivers later. Do you want to go?”

        “I think I’ll stay here first,” she shook him off, “You have fun though. Don’t get too drunk, yeah?” 

        “I’ll try,” Carlos winked. 

        Later that night, he found himself on a quiet rooftop bar with George, Lando, Charles, and Max. 

        “I found her on the simulator earlier,” he admitted to his friends under the influence of a few tequila shots, “I mean, she seemed so rough earlier. I worry for her, you know? She’s so stressed out with everything that I feel bad because I have a seat and she doesn’t.”

        “Don’t you think it might hurt her if she has to keep traveling with you for F1?” Lando chimed in as the topic of y/n’s career came up. It was inevitable for them to end up talking. They were drivers, and y/n was Lando’s teammate. One way or another, it would have come up in conversation. 

        “And what makes you think that?” Carlos quirked a brow at Lando’s remark. 

        “Does she have any plans outside F1? I heard Nicky’s going back to uni with Logan replacing him,” George explained, taking a sip from his beer, “If not, maybe it will take some getting used to for her if she’s going to follow you around on races.” 

        “Well, not that I know of right now—”

        “Does she have a confirmed seat anywhere? Maybe even a reserve driver seat?” 

        “We haven’t talked about it yet,” the Spaniard shook his head at the thought, only vaguely being able to recall their conversation on the treadmills in Belgium. 

        “If she doesn’t have one, then yeah, I think it would suck for her to do all this F1 stuff with you. Especially with where her career is right now,” George sighed, rubbing his cheeks as though mentally putting himself in y/n’s shoes. 

        “But wouldn’t it be good for her to stay within F1? That way, she stays in conversations when the driver market opens up again?” Max suggested. Carlos was tipsy at that point, not too sure about what they were discussing in that moment. The driver market got complicated at times; the tequila made it difficult for his comprehension. 

        “Maybe she needs a break from F1 if it’s making her as stressed out as Carlos is saying it is,” Charles chimed in, “There are plenty of teams outside F1 as well who would love to have her as their driver. Maybe she’s insisting on F1 because Carlos is in F1?” 

        Carlos’ thick brows furrowed at those words. Was it true? That she was only insisting on staying in F1 for him? That he was the one holding her back from jumping to other divisions of racing liek Charles was insinuating?

        He sat deep in thought that night as the conversation shifted to other topics his fellow drivers wished to talk about. He stumbled into their apartment that night, a frown in his face as he knew what he was about to do. 

        “Fun night out?” she questioned, a warm smile on her face as Carlos entered the apartment. He was going to miss that smile.

        “I think we need to break up,” he blurted out. Her eyes grew wide, the smile slipping off her face as she stared at him in disbelief. Chuckling as though she just misheard him. 

        “What?” 

        “It’s for your future, Amor. I know you love all things motorsports, and you told me how you would have gone for Indycar if you didn’t get into F1,” Carlos began to ramble, unable to sort through his drunken thoughts in a way that would have made sense to his sober girlfriend. 

        “What does that have to do with anything?” she demanded, her voice cracking upon the realization that he was serious about his words. 

        “It would be easier for you to leave if I wasn’t making you stay,” his voice broke. 

        “But you aren’t making me stay, Carlos. I’m choosing to stay,” she shook off his words, “Darling, you’re drunk. Surely, this is just a big misunderstanding. We can talk about this in the morning.” 

        “No. No. I have to leave now, you understand?” he sounded desperate as he rushed into their shared room to start packing. 

        “Carlos, darling, come on. We can have this discussion in the morning. You aren’t thinking straight,” she pleaded with him, “Carlos, let’s just go to bed, please?” 

        “Okay,” he nodded, following her into bed. When she had woken up, he was gone. Most of his things as well. He meant what he said that night, it seemed. 

July 11, 2023 (Great Britain)

        y/n wasn’t there for every Grand Prix that year. He found his eyes going to the Red Bull garage every chance he could, hoping he’d be able to catch a glimpse of her. Disappointment set in whenever he couldn’t find her, or whenever he learned she wasn’t going to attend the weekend at all. He went from seeing her daily to doing his best to steal glimpses of her. 

        Carlos Sainz was subscribed to the Oracle Red Bull Racing team’s YouTube channel. Though he was ashamed to admit it, he would have videos of her on the channel on replay constantly whenever he missed her. It was the only place he could catch her smiling and laughing nowadays. He wasn’t sure if her smiles were genuine. Part of him wished upon her the same hurt. Just to see that their relationship meant something to her. That he broke her heart as much as he did his own that day. 

        And though she did not see him often on race weekends she did attend, he was there. Hell, he was present at Silverstone, watching on as she did the tire tests for Pirelli, clad in a Red Bull racing suit as she drove a Red Bull car around the track. She looked amazing in the suit, driving around like she was still doing it every weekend. 

        Three in the morning again. He spent the night tossing and turning in the cold hotel bed thinking of her that day. She drove the car amazingly, with such ferocity. With a renewed vigor as she made her way through every corner, perfectly in sync with the car. He missed being with her on the track. He missed seeing her in the car, so perfectly in her element. He was a fool to think she would have walked away from Formula 1 that easily. 

        “Everyone’s talking about how amazing you did in the tire tests, amor. You did amazing. I would love to see you with a permanent seat in Red Bull. You were so happy there.” 

        He deleted the message again, unwilling to send it. Besides, after the day she had, she was likely asleep. His eyes grew wide at the notifications on his phone that popped up immediately after he erased his message. 

        A press release came out saying she was replacing Nyck De Vries in Alpha Tauri. She was back in a Formula 1 car. This is what she was working towards since the news broke form McLaren. He regretted parting ways with her now more than ever. 

        Had they still been together, he would have been the first person she told about the contract. He would have smiled proudly, excitement evident on his face as he took her out to dinner in celebration of her. Instead, there he was, stuck staring at his phone, trying to think about whether or not he wanted to send her a message. 

        What was there to say? What words were enough to make up for what he’d done to her. Would he tell her he was sorry? That he wanted her back? That he’d made a mistake in doing what his drunken self believed was best for her? 

        She knew exactly what she was doing in her career. He was stupid to think she wasn’t going to be back in a seat by the 2023 season. 

        “You’re back on the grid! Excited to see you with your foot back in the competition. The fans missed you as well, you should see the support they give you online. I missed you”

        Deleted again. 

August 25, 2023 (The Netherlands)

        Grand Prix weekends grew difficult for Carlos following the announcement. He had to see her more and more now. The media was saturated with reports about her, their focus heavy on her. Many eyes watched her, just to see if she was as promising as they said she would be. To see if she was worth sacking De Vries for. 

        Her face was everywhere on his social media. Her name slipped through everyone’s lips in gossip. The one time he wasn’t hearing about her, he found himself stuck in a press conference with her. 

        She sat herself on the furthest end of the couch, away from him. She acted as though there was no history between them. Though they knew, the drivers knew, the fans knew. They were together for years, back when she was in Red Bull with Sebastian himself. She put on an act of aloofness toward him every time he would look at her, plastering on a smile for the reporters who asked her questions. 

        It was evident she was excited for the weekend. Carlos knew he was what stood between her and actually enjoying the press conference. 

        “How are you feeling entering the race weekend?” one of the reporters directed the question to her. 

        “I’m very excited,” she announced with a smile, “I’ve been in the car for two Grand Prix, I’m still trying to get the hang of it and get in sync with it. I’m looking forward to being able to do more with the car than I was able to. I’m still getting used to the car in terms of race pace and all. I’m hoping for a few points this weekend.” 

        “She’ll be on the podium in no time when she gets the hang of the car,” Carlos chimed in awkwardly, eyes wandering over to y/n. 

        “I hope so,” she shrugged, a tense smile on her face, “I’ve got a ridiculous amount of competition for that, though.” 

        “You’ll do great,” Carlos spoke again. y/n looked over at him, nodding awkwardly before settling back into the couch. 

        Unfortunately, her race weekend was cut short when she hit the tire barriers in the second practice session of the weekend. The yellow flags came out and Carlos frowned as he saw her car in the tire barrier next to Oscar Piastri’s McLaren. 

        The news about her condition came later upon finding out her injury was worse than they initially thought. Her wrist was fractured. She was not going to be able to race that weekend. His heart felt for her as he recalled how excited she was in that press conference. 

       He continued on with the weekend, relying on announcements from social media regarding her condition. He finished fifth that weekend. 

September 17, 2023 (Singapore)

        He knew she was in the paddock that weekend. He was made aware of it on social media when the Alpha Tauri social media account posted about it to their feed. It was a photo of her in the Alpha Tauri pit wall, a smile on her face despite the fact she was not going to be racing that weekend. 

        The car had pace that weekend. The practice sessions proved that. However, he wasn’t sure if it was going to transmute to Qualifying positions. However, he was certain he was going to do his best because this time, there was hope for another win. And it was going to be in Singapore with y/n watching. 

        He pushed himself to his best during Qualifying. He was going for pole position and nobody was going to get in the way of that. With the Red Bulls out in Q2, Pole position was up for grabs. He was going to make sure he was the driver to get it. 

        He drove the quickest lap possible at that circuit, pushing his red Ferrari to its limit, pulling momentum into every turn he took, crossing the line with the quickest lap time. He’d done it. He was starting from Pole in Singapore. 

        That night, it wasn’t him with his eyes glued to his phone screen at 3 in the morning. No. That night, it had been y/n with her phone stuck in her hands, staring at his contact saved to her phone. Cameras caught her watching the qualifying session, a video circulating of the way her eyes lit up when Carlos set his time. 

        He didn’t see that, though. Not when he was in the car, celebrating getting pole position. 

        Still, she hesitated to click on his contact. Was it right for her to send him a message? He broke up with her. She had gone through a whirlwind that season and she didn’t hear a single word from Carlos. A sharp pain struck her injured wrist, the one she held her phone with, resulting in the block of glass and metal to hit her square in the face. 

        “Good job today, darling. Wishing you luck for tomorrow’s racefhkwe”

        Her eyes widened, mortified. The message was sent. She sighed, typing up another message, deciding there was no better time to say the words. 

        “I miss you.” 

        She spent the rest of the night in a dreamless sleep, awaiting a response to her message. Though, she knew Carlos well enough to know he kept his phone usage to a minimum on Grand Prix days. 

        Before the Grand Prix started, he pulled out his phone, killing time in the minutes before he had to enter his car. It was then he saw the message she sent him at 3 in the morning. His eyes grew wide, reading the three words over and over again. 

        “Carlos!” his race engineer called out to him, “The driver parade’s about to start.”

        He had no time to reply y/n’s message before he was pulled in all sorts of directions for Grand Prix duties. Soon enough, he was in the car, still not having been able to reply to her message. He was determined to get the whole race over with, eager to finally reply to her. It paid off in his favor. He crossed the line first. When the celebrations with the team at parc ferme were through, he made his way into the cooldown room in preparation for the podium ceremony. 

        He’d gotten so used to looking for her over the race weekends that he was sure he could spot her in any crowd. This time, his eyes grew wide as he climbed onto the top step of the podium. He blinked, believing his eyes were deceiving him. In the red sea of Ferrari, McLaren, and Mercedes staff, she stood out, clad in her Red Bull team shirt. She cheered excitedly with the crowd, despite the sling her arm was in.

        Despite her injury, there she was, joining the crowd to celebrate a podium ceremony Red Bull took no part in. He didn’t think he was going to see her anytime soon after her injury. Nothing was going to keep her from Formula 1. He was certain of that now.

        It was unmistakable, the glimmer in her eyes as she cheered along. The joy that was painted on her features as she gazed up at the top three finishers of the Grand Prix. A part of him hoped that gaze was meant for him. 

        When the ceremony ended, the team, including him gathered in the garage for celebratory pictures. To his surprise, there she was. 

        “y/n, what are you doing here?” he questioned, shock evident in his expression as he wiped the champagne away from his face. 

        “The team invited me after the podium ceremony,” she explained bashfully, her arms wrapping around her torso, unsure of what to do with her hands, “You never replied to my message.” 

        “I wanted to,” he breathed out, relieved she was finally talking to him, “I saw it right before the driver’s parade started. I wasn’t able to reply. If it’s any consolation, I miss you too.” 

        “We can talk about this later if you want to, yeah?” she smiled up at him, that twinkle in her eyes returning, “Go celebrate your win with the team.” 

        “No. No,” he shook his head, unwilling to put the conversation off any longer, “I made a mistake that night in Monaco. I thought, I thought that whatever I was doing was better for you. I thought it would have helped you shift your focus to other options in racing. I was an idiot.” 

        “Yeah. You were,” she gave a small smile. 

        “I’m sorry, y/n. Really, I’m sorry,” he frowned, “I know it will take time for you to forgive me, but I want you to know that I’m proud of you and I still love you. I was too guilty to tell you then, but I was so happy, seeing you make your way back to the grid this season, and—”

        “I forgive you,” she cut him off, tears in her eyes as she wrapped her arms around his tall frame, “I love you too, Carlos.

December 19, 2022 (Spain)

        He was lost in the 2022 season.  Red Bull had a different dominance to them, and Ferrari could not seem to keep up with the absolute rocket ship of a car Red Bull had. In the end, his thoughts only drifted back to her. They both struggled greatly in the season. The season was over, and so were they. 

        It was three in the morning in Spain—he’d spent the night tossing and turning in bed, seeking warmth his blankets could not provide him—when the news stumbled onto his social media. Multiple accounts across multiple platforms announced y/n to be Red Bull’s third driver for the 2023 season. He even went on Red Bull’s account to verify the news. 

        He sighed. He believed she would have taken a break from Formula 1 in the time she wasn’t going to be driving. Instead, he was mortified to learn his ex girlfriend would only be a few garages up the pitlane. How couldn’t she? With the love Red Bull always had for her, it was never going to come into question that they would have bailed her out of the situation she found herself in for the season. 

        Despite Red Bull’s history with its drivers, his heart lit up with joy knowing they would have taken care of her. After all, her time with Red Bull was preferable to the time she spent with McLaren. He was almost in a daze, caught up in the moment when he found himself scrolling through his phone’s contacts, his heart skipping a beat as his gaze landed upon the familiar contact; her number saved under the name “Mi Amor”.

        “Saw the news, amor! Congratulations, I can’t wait to see you again on race weekends” he typed up before mentally kicking himself when a moment of logic washed over him. Though the message was plain, it was far too sentimental for his liking. Far too sentimental for what they were now. 

        “Congratulations. See you!” he made a attempt to revise the message. He sighed, repeatedly tapping on his phone’s backspace key until not a single trace of the message existed. No message. It’s what he had settled on instead that night. 

March 3, 2023 (Bahrain)

        It was time for the first race of the 2023 season. Walking through the paddock, he saw her. She smiled as she walked past reporters and photographers, clad in her team’s dark blue t-shirt as she made her way over to the Red Bull garage. He stood still, watching her from meters away as she disappeared behind the motorhome’s walls. He could not bring himself to move closer to her, unsure of whether or not he still had the right to do so after their breakup. 

        Back then, race weekends were not so awkward. They used to be fine. Perfectly fine, and so perfectly enamored with each other. Their eyes used to light up so clearly when they spotted each other from across the paddock walking into their respective motorhomes. It was never this messy between them. 

        August 27, 2022 (Belgium)

        The 2022 season was exhausting for the pair. y/n had just announced she was parting ways with McLaren and that made it all real. And though Carlos wanted to be there to support her, he had his work to do with Ferrari. After the announcement, she was working to prove herself to other teams, fighting to make the improvements she needed to. The pair hardly found much time for each other. 

        A few garages distance had never felt so far. 

        “So, Red Bull wants to give me a third driver seat,” she spoke as they jogged side-by-side on the hotel gym’s treadmills. Her e/c eyes scanned his face for a reaction, frowning when she got none. It took her waving her hand in front of his face for him to finally rid himself of his earphones. 

        “Sorry, amor, were you saying something?” he questioned cluelessly, an expectant look on his face. She frowned.

        “Never mind. I haven’t signed anything yet,” she shook away the thought of letting him in on the news this early. 

        “Why? Are you getting offers already?” he questioned almost absentmindedly, gaze fixed on the view outside the glass windows the treadmills were situated in front of. 

        “Kind of? Not really, though. It’s complicated and the driver market is insanely complicated this year,” she shook off the thought. Mercedes had offered her a role as a reserve driver, and Haas offered her a seat she had no plans of taking. She didn’t know how well those teams would have fared for her and her career. 

        “Let me know when you have a seat, yeah? We can go out and celebrate,” he smiled proudly before making a suggestion, “If you can’t find one, maybe I can put in a good word for you in Ferrari for a reserve driver seat or something.” 

        She grimaced at the thought. There was nothing wrong with it. She knew he was trying to help in a way he knew how. Still, it felt as though he were implying she needed him in order to stay in F1. Him leaving McLaren was what led her into the team in the first place. To many, it seemed like Carlos was responsible for the opportunities she was given in her career in recent years. It wasn’t fair for her achievements to be diminished by the fact that her career was waning, incomparable to the way her boyfriend’s career shone. 

        “I don’t need it,” she responded, her tone clipped, “I’ve got opportunities. Plenty of them. I’ll find a seat next year on the grid, and if I have to wait for somebody else’s contract to end, I’ll do it.”

        “Maybe you can try a different racing series?” he suggested, “Le Mans could be interesting for you, no? Maybe even rally cars like we did with papa that one time.”

        “And what about us? Would we be able to take it? Traveling to different places in the world at different times, our schedules almost never lining up?”

        “I think we can handle it,” he nodded, interlacing their fingers, “I have trust in our relationship. I know we can make it through anything.”

        “Well, I’d like to stay in F1. Maybe I can take a short break before I get a seat back. I’m sure I’m not leaving Formula 1, though.”

November 22, 2022, Monaco

        “You know, I think you’re taking this a bit extreme now,” Carlos sighed, watching her race on her racing simulator set up in their apartment. 

        “I have to do this, Carlos,” she insisted, “I have to prove I’ve still got it.” 

        “And who are you trying to prove it to? It’s just you and me here, y/n,” he reminded her, unplugging the simulator and wrapping his arms around her, “It’s going to be okay. Take a moment to rest.”

        “Okay,” she nodded, giving into his request and following him to the living room. She let out a sigh, “It’s weird for me to think I won’t be racing next season after all these years. I thought I had my contract sealed for next year. I thought I would have had time to redeem myself at McLaren instead of having them buy me out.”

        “I know, Amor,” he sighed into her hair as he held her in a comforting embrace, “I’m going out with some of the other drivers later. Do you want to go?”

        “I think I’ll stay here first,” she shook him off, “You have fun though. Don’t get too drunk, yeah?” 

        “I’ll try,” Carlos winked. 

        Later that night, he found himself on a quiet rooftop bar with George, Lando, Charles, and Max. 

        “I found her on the simulator earlier,” he admitted to his friends under the influence of a few tequila shots, “I mean, she seemed so rough earlier. I worry for her, you know? She’s so stressed out with everything that I feel bad because I have a seat and she doesn’t.”

        “Don’t you think it might hurt her if she has to keep traveling with you for F1?” Lando chimed in as the topic of y/n’s career came up. It was inevitable for them to end up talking. They were drivers, and y/n was Lando’s teammate. One way or another, it would have come up in conversation. 

        “And what makes you think that?” Carlos quirked a brow at Lando’s remark. 

        “Does she have any plans outside F1? I heard Nicky’s going back to uni with Logan replacing him,” George explained, taking a sip from his beer, “If not, maybe it will take some getting used to for her if she’s going to follow you around on races.” 

        “Well, not that I know of right now—”

        “Does she have a confirmed seat anywhere? Maybe even a reserve driver seat?” 

        “We haven’t talked about it yet,” the Spaniard shook his head at the thought, only vaguely being able to recall their conversation on the treadmills in Belgium. 

        “If she doesn’t have one, then yeah, I think it would suck for her to do all this F1 stuff with you. Especially with where her career is right now,” George sighed, rubbing his cheeks as though mentally putting himself in y/n’s shoes. 

        “But wouldn’t it be good for her to stay within F1? That way, she stays in conversations when the driver market opens up again?” Max suggested. Carlos was tipsy at that point, not too sure about what they were discussing in that moment. The driver market got complicated at times; the tequila made it difficult for his comprehension. 

        “Maybe she needs a break from F1 if it’s making her as stressed out as Carlos is saying it is,” Charles chimed in, “There are plenty of teams outside F1 as well who would love to have her as their driver. Maybe she’s insisting on F1 because Carlos is in F1?” 

        Carlos’ thick brows furrowed at those words. Was it true? That she was only insisting on staying in F1 for him? That he was the one holding her back from jumping to other divisions of racing liek Charles was insinuating?

        He sat deep in thought that night as the conversation shifted to other topics his fellow drivers wished to talk about. He stumbled into their apartment that night, a frown in his face as he knew what he was about to do. 

        “Fun night out?” she questioned, a warm smile on her face as Carlos entered the apartment. He was going to miss that smile.

        “I think we need to break up,” he blurted out. Her eyes grew wide, the smile slipping off her face as she stared at him in disbelief. Chuckling as though she just misheard him. 

        “What?” 

        “It’s for your future, Amor. I know you love all things motorsports, and you told me how you would have gone for Indycar if you didn’t get into F1,” Carlos began to ramble, unable to sort through his drunken thoughts in a way that would have made sense to his sober girlfriend. 

        “What does that have to do with anything?” she demanded, her voice cracking upon the realization that he was serious about his words. 

        “It would be easier for you to leave if I wasn’t making you stay,” his voice broke. 

        “But you aren’t making me stay, Carlos. I’m choosing to stay,” she shook off his words, “Darling, you’re drunk. Surely, this is just a big misunderstanding. We can talk about this in the morning.” 

        “No. No. I have to leave now, you understand?” he sounded desperate as he rushed into their shared room to start packing. 

        “Carlos, darling, come on. We can have this discussion in the morning. You aren’t thinking straight,” she pleaded with him, “Carlos, let’s just go to bed, please?” 

        “Okay,” he nodded, following her into bed. When she had woken up, he was gone. Most of his things as well. He meant what he said that night, it seemed. 

July 11, 2023 (Great Britain)

        y/n wasn’t there for every Grand Prix that year. He found his eyes going to the Red Bull garage every chance he could, hoping he’d be able to catch a glimpse of her. Disappointment set in whenever he couldn’t find her, or whenever he learned she wasn’t going to attend the weekend at all. He went from seeing her daily to doing his best to steal glimpses of her. 

        Carlos Sainz was subscribed to the Oracle Red Bull Racing team’s YouTube channel. Though he was ashamed to admit it, he would have videos of her on the channel on replay constantly whenever he missed her. It was the only place he could catch her smiling and laughing nowadays. He wasn’t sure if her smiles were genuine. Part of him wished upon her the same hurt. Just to see that their relationship meant something to her. That he broke her heart as much as he did his own that day. 

        And though she did not see him often on race weekends she did attend, he was there. Hell, he was present at Silverstone, watching on as she did the tire tests for Pirelli, clad in a Red Bull racing suit as she drove a Red Bull car around the track. She looked amazing in the suit, driving around like she was still doing it every weekend. 

        Three in the morning again. He spent the night tossing and turning in the cold hotel bed thinking of her that day. She drove the car amazingly, with such ferocity. With a renewed vigor as she made her way through every corner, perfectly in sync with the car. He missed being with her on the track. He missed seeing her in the car, so perfectly in her element. He was a fool to think she would have walked away from Formula 1 that easily. 

        “Everyone’s talking about how amazing you did in the tire tests, amor. You did amazing. I would love to see you with a permanent seat in Red Bull. You were so happy there.” 

        He deleted the message again, unwilling to send it. Besides, after the day she had, she was likely asleep. His eyes grew wide at the notifications on his phone that popped up immediately after he erased his message. 

        A press release came out saying she was replacing Nyck De Vries in Alpha Tauri. She was back in a Formula 1 car. This is what she was working towards since the news broke form McLaren. He regretted parting ways with her now more than ever. 

        Had they still been together, he would have been the first person she told about the contract. He would have smiled proudly, excitement evident on his face as he took her out to dinner in celebration of her. Instead, there he was, stuck staring at his phone, trying to think about whether or not he wanted to send her a message. 

        What was there to say? What words were enough to make up for what he’d done to her. Would he tell her he was sorry? That he wanted her back? That he’d made a mistake in doing what his drunken self believed was best for her? 

        She knew exactly what she was doing in her career. He was stupid to think she wasn’t going to be back in a seat by the 2023 season. 

        “You’re back on the grid! Excited to see you with your foot back in the competition. The fans missed you as well, you should see the support they give you online. I missed you”

        Deleted again. 

August 25, 2023 (The Netherlands)

        Grand Prix weekends grew difficult for Carlos following the announcement. He had to see her more and more now. The media was saturated with reports about her, their focus heavy on her. Many eyes watched her, just to see if she was as promising as they said she would be. To see if she was worth sacking De Vries for. 

        Her face was everywhere on his social media. Her name slipped through everyone’s lips in gossip. The one time he wasn’t hearing about her, he found himself stuck in a press conference with her. 

        She sat herself on the furthest end of the couch, away from him. She acted as though there was no history between them. Though they knew, the drivers knew, the fans knew. They were together for years, back when she was in Red Bull with Sebastian himself. She put on an act of aloofness toward him every time he would look at her, plastering on a smile for the reporters who asked her questions. 

        It was evident she was excited for the weekend. Carlos knew he was what stood between her and actually enjoying the press conference. 

        “How are you feeling entering the race weekend?” one of the reporters directed the question to her. 

        “I’m very excited,” she announced with a smile, “I’ve been in the car for two Grand Prix, I’m still trying to get the hang of it and get in sync with it. I’m looking forward to being able to do more with the car than I was able to. I’m still getting used to the car in terms of race pace and all. I’m hoping for a few points this weekend.” 

        “She’ll be on the podium in no time when she gets the hang of the car,” Carlos chimed in awkwardly, eyes wandering over to y/n. 

        “I hope so,” she shrugged, a tense smile on her face, “I’ve got a ridiculous amount of competition for that, though.” 

        “You’ll do great,” Carlos spoke again. y/n looked over at him, nodding awkwardly before settling back into the couch. 

        Unfortunately, her race weekend was cut short when she hit the tire barriers in the second practice session of the weekend. The yellow flags came out and Carlos frowned as he saw her car in the tire barrier next to Oscar Piastri’s McLaren. 

        The news about her condition came later upon finding out her injury was worse than they initially thought. Her wrist was fractured. She was not going to be able to race that weekend. His heart felt for her as he recalled how excited she was in that press conference. 

       He continued on with the weekend, relying on announcements from social media regarding her condition. He finished fifth that weekend. 

September 17, 2023 (Singapore)

        He knew she was in the paddock that weekend. He was made aware of it on social media when the Alpha Tauri social media account posted about it to their feed. It was a photo of her in the Alpha Tauri pit wall, a smile on her face despite the fact she was not going to be racing that weekend. 

        The car had pace that weekend. The practice sessions proved that. However, he wasn’t sure if it was going to transmute to Qualifying positions. However, he was certain he was going to do his best because this time, there was hope for another win. And it was going to be in Singapore with y/n watching. 

        He pushed himself to his best during Qualifying. He was going for pole position and nobody was going to get in the way of that. With the Red Bulls out in Q2, Pole position was up for grabs. He was going to make sure he was the driver to get it. 

        He drove the quickest lap possible at that circuit, pushing his red Ferrari to its limit, pulling momentum into every turn he took, crossing the line with the quickest lap time. He’d done it. He was starting from Pole in Singapore. 

        That night, it wasn’t him with his eyes glued to his phone screen at 3 in the morning. No. That night, it had been y/n with her phone stuck in her hands, staring at his contact saved to her phone. Cameras caught her watching the qualifying session, a video circulating of the way her eyes lit up when Carlos set his time. 

        He didn’t see that, though. Not when he was in the car, celebrating getting pole position. 

        Still, she hesitated to click on his contact. Was it right for her to send him a message? He broke up with her. She had gone through a whirlwind that season and she didn’t hear a single word from Carlos. A sharp pain struck her injured wrist, the one she held her phone with, resulting in the block of glass and metal to hit her square in the face. 

        “Good job today, darling. Wishing you luck for tomorrow’s racefhkwe”

      �� Her eyes widened, mortified. The message was sent. She sighed, typing up another message, deciding there was no better time to say the words. 

        “I miss you.” 

        She spent the rest of the night in a dreamless sleep, awaiting a response to her message. Though, she knew Carlos well enough to know he kept his phone usage to a minimum on Grand Prix days. 

        Before the Grand Prix started, he pulled out his phone, killing time in the minutes before he had to enter his car. It was then he saw the message she sent him at 3 in the morning. His eyes grew wide, reading the three words over and over again. 

        “Carlos!” his race engineer called out to him, “The driver parade’s about to start.”

        He had no time to reply y/n’s message before he was pulled in all sorts of directions for Grand Prix duties. Soon enough, he was in the car, still not having been able to reply to her message. He was determined to get the whole race over with, eager to finally reply to her. It paid off in his favor. He crossed the line first. When the celebrations with the team at parc ferme were through, he made his way into the cooldown room in preparation for the podium ceremony. 

        He’d gotten so used to looking for her over the race weekends that he was sure he could spot her in any crowd. This time, his eyes grew wide as he climbed onto the top step of the podium. He blinked, believing his eyes were deceiving him. In the red sea of Ferrari, McLaren, and Mercedes staff, she stood out, clad in her Red Bull team shirt. She cheered excitedly with the crowd, despite the sling her arm was in.

        Despite her injury, there she was, joining the crowd to celebrate a podium ceremony Red Bull took no part in. He didn’t think he was going to see her anytime soon after her injury. Nothing was going to keep her from Formula 1. He was certain of that now.

        It was unmistakable, the glimmer in her eyes as she cheered along. The joy that was painted on her features as she gazed up at the top three finishers of the Grand Prix. A part of him hoped that gaze was meant for him. 

        When the ceremony ended, the team, including him gathered in the garage for celebratory pictures. To his surprise, there she was. 

        “y/n, what are you doing here?” he questioned, shock evident in his expression as he wiped the champagne away from his face. 

        “The team invited me after the podium ceremony,” she explained bashfully, her arms wrapping around her torso, unsure of what to do with her hands, “You never replied to my message.” 

        “I wanted to,” he breathed out, relieved she was finally talking to him, “I saw it right before the driver’s parade started. I wasn’t able to reply. If it’s any consolation, I miss you too.” 

        “We can talk about this later if you want to, yeah?” she smiled up at him, that twinkle in her eyes returning, “Go celebrate your win with the team.” 

        “No. No,” he shook his head, unwilling to put the conversation off any longer, “I made a mistake that night in Monaco. I thought, I thought that whatever I was doing was better for you. I thought it would have helped you shift your focus to other options in racing. I was an idiot.” 

        “Yeah. You were,” she gave a small smile. 

        “I’m sorry, y/n. Really, I’m sorry,” he frowned, “I know it will take time for you to forgive me, but I want you to know that I’m proud of you and I still love you. I was too guilty to tell you then, but I was so happy, seeing you make your way back to the grid this season, and—”

        “I forgive you,” she cut him off, tears in her eyes as she wrapped her arms around his tall frame, “I love you too, Carlos.

a/n: this was a draft i found from last year and decided to fix up today, my writing's hella rustayyyy 😭

F1 TAGS: @errrrrat / @ricsaigaslec / @veronicapaula / @buendiabebeta / @abditory-77 / @navia3000 / @revengze / @love4lando / @princessria127 /

CS55 TAGS: (OPEN)

[sturniozo]

Savage Love Part Seven

Matt Sturniolo x reader Mafia AU

masterlist

“It was nice, he was a gentleman, I think I’m his girlfriend now, and-“

“Woah woah woah.” Emma interrupts me. “You’re his girlfriend now?”

“Yeah, actually I think he believed Ive been his girlfriend for a while.” I laugh softly.

“How? Why?”

“I’m not sure, this is confusing to me too.”

“I bet it has something to do with what happened that night. Did you find anything out?”

“No, he doesn’t talk much. He mostly asked me questions about my life and interests, and dodged almost all of my questions about him.”

“Did you learn anything new?”

“He’s too indecisive to pick a favorite color.” I laugh. “But honestly no, he’s too reserved. I did find out he lives with his brothers somewhere in New York. Somewhere close to the restaurant we ate at. His brother called him and asked him when he’d be home near the end of the night, and Matt told him it would only be around 10 minutes.”

“Well that’s something.” Emma says and she looks through the notes. “But so far, what we have is close to nothing!”

I sigh. “I know. But I still have almost three weeks left, that’s plenty of time to find more.”

“I guess. But with the rate you’re going I don’t think you’ll get actual confirmation on his status in the Mafia by the end of your deadline.”

I groan and lean back on the bed. “I don’t know what to do.”

Emma lays down next to me. “I can tell you what I would do.”

I turn to her. “What’s that?”

“Party.” She smiles and gets up from the bed. She walks to her closet and starts digging around the clothes while I sit up.

“Isn’t partying what got me into this situation in the first place?” I laugh.

“Don’t drink so much this time.” Emma replies and throws me clothes from her closet. “Put that on.” She tells me and goes back to digging through her closet.

“I can’t party.”

Emma laughs. “Why not?”

“I just don’t feel like it. I don’t enjoy it.”

“You don’t enjoy anything!” She whines. She looks at me with a pout. “Come on, please?”

I sigh. “Fine whatever. Where are we going?”

Emma looks at me with a bright smile. “Baxter’s new club on third.”

“That was all gibberish to me.” I laugh.

“Just put that outfit on and let’s go!”

I get up from the bed, picking up the outfit and raising my hands in defeat. “Alright, alright, I’m going.” I say as I walk to the bathroom.

I get dressed in the outfit, fishnets and short black shorts, with a white tank top. I walk out of the bathroom and look at Emma.

“God you’re gorgeous.” She says. “I’m almost jealous of Matt.” She giggles and walks to the bathroom to get dressed herself. She comes back out a moment later in a short tight black dress that has an open back.

“Trust me, you have nothing to be jealous of.” I say as I see her in her dress. Emma has always been the pretty one. Whenever we went out together guys would pay more attention to her, even in high school the guys flocked to her. I was just her little friend that had nothing compared to her.

Emma smiles at me and grabs my hand. She quickly pulls me out of the room and to the front room of her penthouse. We put on our shoes, her in heels and I in platform combat boots, and then she rushes me out the door and to the elevator.

Once we arrive at the club Emma has chosen for tonight’s endeavor, she pulls me through the crown of people to the front of the line.

“Emma Hastings plus guest.” She says to the bouncer. He glances at the list and then steps to the side to let us in.

You might find it surprising how often Emma can just get into clubs and bars, but that’s how it’s been for years. Emma has multiple fake IDs, some she made for me without me knowing though I don’t use them. She knows all the club owners and party hosts in New York, and a big part of her job as a journalist involves her in these clubs, mingling with VIPS. So she became a VIP herself.

No ones caught on to Emma’s act though, some have had suspicions, but nothing that can be proven. Emma, like me, publishes her articles under a pseudonym. A false name that takes the blame for all of the secrets Emma has shared with the world.

Some might think it would be easy to figure out it’s her spilling all these secrets, but Emma can cover her tracks well. And no one really reads our paper. That’s the bigger part of it I guess.

“Come on! Let’s go!” Emma shouts over the loud music and talking drunk people. Suddenly I’m yanked by her through the people to the bar.

“Please, I don’t want to drink tonight!” I say to her but she waves me off.

“Two rum and cokes.” She says to the bartender. I shake my head.

“I’m not drinking!” I say to her again. She brushes me off and hands me the drink.

“You’ll feel better if you drink!” She shouts.

“I don’t need to feel better.” I set the drink down on the bar. I turn to walk away and try to weave my way through all the people to find something to eat. Clubs like this always have some type of snack or appetizer.

People dancing around gets slimmer and slimmer as I make my way to a different room. It’s more well lit with a red shaded light. I finally am able to walk freely and find a person carrying a platter of veggie wraps.

I immediately grab a few to eat and smile at the girl holding the tray. I remember when I was in high school I had a job much like hers, serving appetizers on platters at party’s. Although, the parties I worked for were private parties.

I take a bit of a veggie wrap when I feel a hand snake around my waist. I jump and turn to see Matt

“What are doing here?” I ask him.

“I can ask you the same thing.” He says and wraps his arm around my waist. “What are you doing at this party?”

“I asked first.”

Matt laughs. “What are you, 10?”

I groan and stare at the last veggie wrap in my hand. “My friend dragged me here.” I tell him and then I take a bit of my veggie wrap.

“Ah, well, let’s get you out of here and get you something more filling to eat, yeah doll?” He says and begins to lead me away.

“You didn’t say why you’re here.” I say and he laughs again.

“You don’t have to worry about anything, I’m not cheating on you.”

I look at him in shock. “I didn’t think that at all, why would you say something like that?”

Matt just chuckles. “I’m here on business not pleasure, babydoll. I know the club owner, and he owed me something I came to collect on. I just saw you here in the red room and wondered what you were here for. I didn’t think this was your idea of a good time.”

“It’s not.” I reply. “What did the club owner owe you?”

“Just something I paid for.” Matt shrugged and led me to the back door of the club.

“I can’t leave without telling Emma, she’ll be concerned if she can’t find me.” I look back at the dancing people.

“Just text her, I’m not letting you stay in that place. That club is famous for the amount of older men praying on younger girls there are there.” Matt says in a deep tone.

“That’s probably why Emma comes here a lot.” I mumble to myself.

“What did you say, doll?” Matt asks as he looks at me.

“Just Emma, I don’t want to leave without telling her.”

“Just text her, come on, you’re coming home with me.” Matt leads me out the back door and to his car that’s waiting in the alley.

“Home with you? To your house?” I ask as Matt opens the passenger side door for me.

“Yeah, doll. I thought you were asking to come home with me the other night. Didn’t you want to spend a day with me?” Matt gets into the drivers side.

“You said you couldn’t have me around while you were busy.”

“I’m not too busy tomorrow, and you just look so good right now. Unless you want me to dump you at your apartment, you’re coming home with me. Trust me, it’ll be a lot better in my double queen bed with silk sheets then in your bookstore apartment that that looks like it’s one windy day away from blowing to the ground.” Matt laughs to himself as he starts his car.

“Hey, don’t diss my apartment.” I laugh. “I know it’s not the best, but I love my little place. And I love the bookstore.”

“I’ll buy you a fucking library. You living there is a liability. You could get seriously hurt there. You could fall through the floor boards or cut yourself on a loose nail-“

Matt pulls out of the alley and starts driving to his house.

“But that’s my favorite bookstore.”

“You don’t need to live there. I’ll take you back wherever you want to buy books, I’ll take you anywhere you want.”

“Matt-“

“You need a new place.”

“Matt-“

“Im serious.”

“MATT!” I shout to get his attention. He just stays silent. “I like my place, what is this about?”

“Nothing, like I said, it’s a hazard.”

“I’ve never been hurt there. The worst thing that’s happened was a paper cut from a book.”

“Just… don’t stay at that apartment for a while.”

“What, why?” I ask and Matt stays silent. “Matt, why?” I ask more seriously. Again, no answer. “Matt, answer me, why not?”

“I shouldn’t have ever taken you out in public.” He mumbles.

“Matt, what are you talking about!” I ask, starting to shake and my hands get sweaty.

“I’m too fucking dangerous for you to be around.”

“Matt, tell me what you mean by that.”

“That fucking picture-“

“Picture?”

“The one that pap took.”

“Pap?”

“Just stay at my place for a few days, okay? I’m gonna get someone to scope out your apartment and-“

“Matt stop! Why do you need someone to scope out my apartment.”

“I told you I had enemies y/n. Enemies that would think of you as a way to get to me, and they’re right.”

“Matt you’re scaring me.”

“I’m gonna keep you safe, I promise.”

“I wanna go home.”

“I’m taking you to my place, you’ll be safe there, I promise.”

“How long before you were going to tell me about this?” I ask.

“I didn’t know for sure if someone had found out about you yet, I still don’t. I’m just taking precautions until we figure out if someone is watching you.”

“Why would someone be watching me?”

“I told you, I have-“

“Why would someone need to get to you through me? Who would do something like that?” I ask. Matt stays silent, clenching his jaw tightly and he drives up a long drive way.

“We’re here.” He says, finally breaking the silence. He parks the car in the huge driveway in front of the mansion. My jaw drops and I gasp and the large, beautiful home in front of me.

“You live here?” I ask in amazement.

“Doesn’t seem like such a bad idea to stay with me, now does it?” Matt says as he opens his car door and makes his way around the car to open my side door as well. I step out but keep my eyes on the mansion.

“This is beautiful.” I say softly. Matt smiles and begins to lead me inside.

“I live with my brothers, the ones I told you about. They’re not home for a few days, they’re running a few errands in LA. We’ll have the place to ourselves.”

Matt opens the large front door for me and I gasp again at the beautiful entryway.

“Come on, I’ll give you the tour.” Matt says and begins to lead be around the home.

Tags: @stargirlsturniololover @sturniolobessed @eyelessdemon00 @sturnioloenthusiast @sturniolopookie @urmommysbathroom @qwertytit @whatever1021 @chrisfavoritepepsi @stramboli4life @sturniolosreads @timmyscomputer @iloveneilperry

[mxtxfanatic]

Was thinking about how often I see reactionary pro-Jiang Cheng content, and I just realized something: jc stans, just like their fav, believe that every good thing Wei Wuxian has—whether loved ones or good memories or admirable characteristics or character growth, whether canon or fanon—is actually the rightful property of Jiang Cheng that Wei Wuxian “stole” from him through the sin of existing, and it is their sworn duty to correct this “oversight” of canon.

Wei Wuxian gets his happily ever after with the love of his life, so jc stans give Jiang Cheng Lan Xichen and call Lan Wangji “second place.” Or they make Lan Wangji a cheater because “he actually likes Jiang Cheng more (who doesn’t, amiright?)” or Wei Wuxian a cheater because “he can never appreciate a good thing like Jiang Cheng can.” People point out how Wei Wuxian and Nie Huaisang seem to have had a closer relationship than Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng, so jc stans make the latter two a ship or make them the bestest friends ever that bond over being annoyed with Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian has a close relationship with the Wen siblings, so jc stans make Wen Qing spend all their time together saying that Jiang Cheng “was right” about him while Wen Ning is being “bullied” into being “anti-jc.”

Wei Wuxian is canonically smart and driven, so jc stans say that he is lazy while Jiang Cheng is hardworking. Wei Wuxian is canonically charismatic, so jc stans say that it was actually Jiang Cheng who was loved by all the disciples and is the sole reason the Jiang Clan of the present was able to pull in new disciples post-fall. Wei Wuxian loves to learn, so jc stans say that Jiang Cheng was actually a model student being sabotaged by the slovenly Wei Wuxian.

People imagine the Lan as accepting Wei Wuxian post-canon or imagine aus where the Lan adopt him as a child, so jc stans make Jiang Cheng the adopted Lan child, who Lan Qiren now likes better than his own nephews. People write Nie!wwx, so jc stans write about how “actually” Nie Mingjue sees Jiang Cheng as the brother he never had and views Wei Wuxian as an unwanted nuisance and competition. People make the most batshit ooc au where the QishanWen are actually good and adopt Wei Wuxian, and jc stans turn that into actually, the Jiang siblings are adopted while Wei Wuxian stays with the “totally horrible, abusive” father in Yunmeng. Fucking Baoshan Sanren descends from her mountain to look for her martial grandson, and jc stans will shove Jiang Cheng into the narrative as a disciple because “he’s just so lovable!” In all of these cases, some will still imagine that Wei Wuxian still gets left on the streets as a petty afterthought.

Shit, even some of the BAD things that happen to Wei Wuxian canonically are misappropriated by jc stans to give Jiang Cheng unearned sympathy. Wei Wuxian was whipped as a child? Now Jiang Cheng was too, but also his dad hates him. Wei Wuxian is an orphan who creates his own family in adulthood? Jiang Cheng is now disowned/an unloved runaway who later finds his people because who wouldn’t want him (amiright?). Wei Wuxian was at risk of losing his golden core completely in the transfer if it failed? Well Jiang Cheng was going to DIE! “See? Look how much harder Jiang Cheng’s life was than that pathetic attention whore Wei Wuxian! Doesn’t he deserve all the things Wei Wuxian has? Aren’t they rightfully his???”

And it’s like, you can’t even escape into fan content with this type of mentality, because look out how much I mentioned is popular fanon. Notice how ubiquitous these ideas are surrounding anything to do with Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng, even if only one of them is mentioned. No matter what anyone reads in the novel, no matter what individuals come up with in their own heads, no matter what tag or platform is used or not used to keep it out of their hands, jc stans will be there to create a reactionary counterpart to prove that nothing, nothing can ever just be Wei Wuxian’s. Because at the end of the day, the “oversight” that jc stans want to correct isn’t Jiang Cheng’s supposed depreciation by the author. The “oversight” was the author daring to say that Wei Wuxian deserves to be treated as his own person and not Jiang Cheng’s personal property. And every fandom interaction has been retaliation towards that fact.

The main character of the novel is relegated to mere a lightning rod that exists to attract all of Jiang Cheng’s bad qualities while injecting him with all of Wei Wuxian’s good, but jc stans wonder why people are upset.

[blossoms-phan]

Hi! I am a X escapee relatively recent Dan & Phil returnee who loves your posts, you seem so reasonable. I have just been given what felt like a 90 min presentation detailing how my innocent assumption that Dan and Phil were anything other than platonic housemates was incorrect and offensive.

The lecture i was given included every reference that highlighted, amongst other things: their "obvious" separate bedrooms, bathrooms, towels, angles of items shown in bedrooms, closets, mentions of wanting to go out and meet other men, lack of real concern (X words, not mine) at each others medical emergencies and every use of bro and friend that they have said post hiatus. It was very detailed, they were very insistent and I was very apologetic. I decided to flee the X hostility and head back to tumblr, but here everyone appears to think they are together. So now I am confused and don't want to offend a whole new group of people.

I think what set the X people off was i said "partner" as I was under the, I now know, incorrect impression that they went public years ago. Oops. Don't trust the internet is what I have learned from this. I thought all this drama would have died out long ago, but I assume this is a topic to stay far away from still? Thanks

hi anon! first of all, thank you for saying that (still can’t believe I’ve garnered enough attention on here that people specifically like my posts!), I really appreciate it. second of all imma be so real with you I am a person that still primarily refers to “X” as twitter bc I refuse to get with the times so this greatly confused me until I realized there was only one possible platform with those kind of people you could be talking about. i’m sorry you endured that exhausting sounding lecture and welcome you to phannie tumblr with open arms 🫶

i am here to gently reassure you that you can take what dnp say and do and show and form your own opinions about it, don’t let anyone tell you you’re right or wrong for drawing conclusions or making assumptions. however I will also be so bold and tell you why that individual is so blatantly wrong and maybe clear some of your confusion.

first of all, i think dnp would refer to themselves as anything but "platonic housemates." it all comes back to this but i dare someone to look me in the eyes and be so fr when saying that just because they've never stated in words "we're dating/boyfriends/partners etc" the simple fact that they share a mortgage on a "forever home" together, (according to them) spend literally all their time together, are partners in work/life/play (vacations), share families (dan being uncle to phil's niece) implies anything other than them being life partners. i'd also like to draw attention back to possibly the most blatantly open statement either of them has made about the nature of their relationship, in dan's video titled "basically i'm gay" where he describes them as "actual soulmates" and more. there are lots of people who have been discussing/answering posts about the concept of a "hard launch" recently which i could direct you to and i am of the mind that there's nothing wrong with conceptualizing the idea of a hard launch or them being more open to sharing details of their romantic relationship to an extent, but BIG is the most profound public statement of the nature of their relationship and, in my humble opinion, "the" hard launch as dan QUITE LITERALLY says "more than just romantic" and goes on to say he and phil are private people and that that's all he will say of it for now (keep in mind it's been 5 years since this statement- still relevant but minds can change, specifically theirs in terms of what they feel more comfortable and open sharing in a post-comeback world)

now moving on to the "references" you mentioned. again, highlighting literally any of this as "proof" that they are just friends or whatever is utterly ridiculous but i'll still go through it for funsies. i'd like to challenge this person that claims they have "obvious" seperate bedrooms by saying... what is so obvious about it?? dnp are highly aware that whatever they share with us will be analyzed or viewed under a microscope, so obviously they've carefully chosen which parts of the phouse to show us and they're not going to be like oh yeah this is OUR bedroom where we sleep TOGETHER every night. now i'm aware that yes, the "black" bedroom with dan's closet is more obviously a dan room that has been claimed as "his" bedroom. can't find it to link rn but they have posted a photo of the shelf of that room and while it is mostly dan stuff on the shelves, there was also a photo of phil's family and some of phil's books and items on the shelves. storage? sure, but if someone wants to claim that makes it so obviously dan's room then i can say that having phil's stuff in there could also point to them sharing the space. the room that phil films amazingphil videos in has been called a guest room/bed by them both, and in terms of rooms we've seen that just leaves the green room. imho everything points towards this being another guest room/possibly a room for family specifically to stay when they come- iirc nothing has been said to claim this as phil's room other than the fact that there is a painting by his dad and he occasionally films in there. i'm not going to pretend to know the ins and outs of their sleeping arrangements, but i think for two adults that own a huge house together and spend a lot of time together and have a lot of their own things it's perfectly reasonable to have "separate" bedrooms, multiple bathrooms/their own towels (?? i don't get this one i assume they're referring to the part of the golden pig video but like. obviously they have their own towels wtf lmao) and utter those things more on camera and then sleep together/share spaces in their own time.

once again, dan and phil know what they're doing. they are in control of what they show and share. calling each other "bro" and "friend" is an intentional choice and very much second nature at this point after doing it on camera for years. also it's not wrong or implies that they aren't romantic- i am of the opinion that they are friends first and they know that too. however, in a post-hiatus/comeback world, it almost feels pointed at this point. like a joke. a wink wink, nudge nudge, look-to-camera "we know you know" thing that they're keeping going just because they can.

in terms of the "going out and meeting other men" bit i assume they refer to jokes made by dan in the wad era? again, i'm not going to dive deep into this but dan is a comedian and post-coming out, wad and those other shows were the first time in his life he was able to be openly, unapologetically gay and himself and i think he was allowed to make a few grindr jokes for the fun of it. if dan values privacy in terms of his personal life, i highly doubt he would go around telling everyone he was hooking up with dudes- these are jokes plain and simple. but if you're interested @freckliedan has a wonderful post about dnp and the concept of monogamy/them sleeping with other people that i don't entirely disagree with and that is worded much better than i ever could so. i'd also like to talk to this person bc in what fucking world have they EVER shown a "lack of concern" at each others medical emergencies????? this is possibly the most baffling claim out of all of these to me. dan could not have made it more clear how scared/worried/traumatized he was by phil literally almost dying recently, and there have been more instances than i can count of him just being there for phil during all of his more recent health issues/scares. if this is referring to the eye incident, again i'm not going to pretend i know all the ins and outs of their relationship bc i don't- we know what they tell us. literally everything about this they said in a joking way, i don't know why people got their panties in a bunch- phil sending dan alone doesn't mean he doesn't care about him or anything, i honestly don't think he wouldn't have been much help going and i think they both kind of knew this, they were just playing it up to be a funny anecdote because they're entertainers. it's what they do. they've been making stories out of their lives for 15 years.

this is getting far too long and rambley as i don't know how to rein in my yapping when responding to asks but. i promise you're fine. discussing their relationship isn't "drama" or some forbidden thing, it happens on here a lot actually. except you will find most people on here use critical thinking and what dan and phil knowingly share with us, as adults with brains, to draw conclusions about their relationship based on everything from the way they look at each other to the little ways they tell us they care about and love each other bc they do. and that's not something they shy from now. come join us! don't let people tell you you're wrong for thinking they're partners bc in the nicest way possible, they literally are (if you want to sugarcoat it and say life partners instead of romantic go ahead bc they've literally described themselves as companions through life which is a more poetic way of saying partners imo) and respectfully anyone who thinks otherwise is in denial at this point

[broomsick]

Hi,

I was wondering if you have any advice for learning to believe that the gods care about us as individuals?

When I see people saying that the gods really don’t care about us in the grand scheme of things, I find that easier to believe than to believe they care about us, which kinda feels .. shit. Although maybe it’s true, I’m not sure.

I honour Loki, but because I find it hard to believe that they care about me at all (especially given I can’t communicate with him – so he can’t tell me if he does or not, and I don’t want to assume), I feel like it puts distance between us on my end.

I apologise if this is a bit heavy or difficult to answer, don’t stress if you can’t, you’re fine to delete it! But if you have any advice, I’d greatly appreciate it.

Hi there! I definitely understand the way you feel, and from time to time, I experience this very same sentiment as well. I think asking oneself this sort of question comes naturally to many of us, because pragmatic thinking could have us believe the divine is somehow too great to care about us measly earthlings.

But let’s break down this idea that’s being spread around pagan social media platforms, according to which the Gods are too busy, too grand, or too powerful to care about their followers. I’ve never been a fan of this sort of over-the-top cynical rhetoric. Still, I think there’s no better way to tackle pragmatic thinking than in a pragmatic way. The way I see it, this perception of the divine stems from a will to fully detach oneself from common monotheistic concepts. The fact is that a lot of neo-pagans, including popular pagan content creators, come from a Christian background. Some of these creators, whether polytheistic, animistic, both, or else, seem very keen on rejecting any spiritual concept or practice deemed monotheistic in nature, such as the idea that the divine can love us. Neo-paganism entails new ideas, and therefore, any perception of the divine that’s akin to that of the big monotheistic religions is either naive, or shows remnants of monotheistic thinking. However, there’s nothing naive about believing that the divine can care about us. I can believe this, just like I can believe that this or that deity presides over this or that matter in life. Belief systems work in a way that allow for specific ideas of the divine to form, and to vary from person to person. And after all,—just as an aside—, if an entity is powerful enough to be considered divine, then they are powerful enough to know about each of their followers, regardless of how many there are. Now, I don’t think there’s any need to specify that polytheism is inherently spiritual. This means that its very foundations are built upon personal gnosis, and belief in concepts that cannot be proven. No such thing as logic regulates matters of spirituality. So why should we, as theists whose beliefs aren’t commanded by any sort of authority or rule set, be so rigidly pragmatic in this case?

In the end, it all comes down to what we personally believe, and what we’ve personally experienced. Who’s to prove that the Gods don’t love us? And if I saw some stranger on social media tell me “hey um, your God doesn’t care about you by the way”, I would think that 1. Me and this person probably don’t even perceive the divine in the same manner at all; 2. Nothing and nobody dictates belief but the believer themselves; and 3. My experience has proven to me that the Gods care for us, and it’s proof enough. But let me elaborate on that matter further.

In most pagan paths, deities embody different natural phenomena and elements of human life. That’s the way the very first forms of polytheism developed. And to me at least, that’s also the way we as pagans experience their presence firsthand. The Gods are all around us: we can see them because we can see forests, seas, storms, fire, rain… And when you see it that way, they are infinitely closer to us than some cynical social media accounts would have us believe. They don’t sit on golden thrones above the clouds, far away from the human condition. Their presence is tightly intertwined with the earth. So why should “the forest, seas, storms” etc etc care for us? Well my friend, have you ever spent time by a river, and felt that it had a soul of its own? Have you ever felt a bond with a specific tree, or got the sense that the storm was alive somehow? That is something I worship as a pagan. And in my personal experience, the God’s burning, all encompassing love can be felt in these sorts of moments. I don’t need for them to tell me directly. It’s like looking into a loved one’s eyes and feeling that they love you, even though not a single word was spoken. I know how difficult it can be to put one’s faith in such a thing, when it’s already hard for us to even communicate with the Gods. That’s why we keep an eye out for signs from them. And even so, we might never truly grasp their thoughts. If anything, that’s something we know for sure about the divine. If you want my opinion, believing that the Gods love us is a perfectly sound choice to make. They send us their blessings in too many ways to count, sometimes in the form of well-needed change, reassurance, comfort… And if you believe that a certain blessing was sent by the Gods, doesn’t that already showcase a certain care? Even for those who see deity worship as purely transactional (an offering for a blessing and vice-versa), the very idea that a deity would send a blessing implies care for the followers who make the offering. And since me, along with innumerable other pagans, have received blessings without necessarily having to ask or perform some sort of huge offering ritual, I’ve naturally decided that the Gods love their followers. Everybody else can feel free to believe what they will, but my faith, intuition and experience have told me so.

Don’t let your mood be undermined by what people say on the internet, but more importantly, don’t let other people dictate what’s true and what’s false about your experience of spirituality. Let yourself believe what you want to believe, there’s nothing wrong with that at all. You don’t owe anybody proof of what you have faith in.

[dianels]

Willow 2022 In Memoriam (for now)

Willow 2022 is no longer available for legal viewing in any format, anywhere. We hope it will be resurrected at some point, somehow, but TPTB at Disney have given us no concrete reason or timeline to expect its return. (Jon Kasdan, the show runner, has tweeted cryptic messages but is not in a position to make key decisions, nor to share details.)

First and foremost, I grieve for kids who now will not have the chance to stumble upon this wonderful show with a diverse/queer cast on a platform with the reach of Disney+. I can’t express in words how much I appreciated being able to watch this show with my enby 11-yo kid. Of course I also regret losing the opportunity to build the fandom over time with new viewers, as the Princess Bride did after a lackluster box-office opening in 1987, and I feel so angry on behalf of the creatives who poured their efforts and craft into this project. But I grieve even more the potentially life-saving representation that young people might have benefited from, and I fear for the chilling effect Disney’s decision might have on greenlighting queer/diverse projects aimed at younger audiences in the foreseeable future.

On a personal note: Actor Erin Kellyman has mentioned in interviews that playing the role of Jade Claymore helped her work on childhood issues, and I feel similarly about what watching the show has done for me. I was raised in central Kansas in the 1970s and 80s, a gender-non-normative “tomboy” lacking any mainstream queer representation. I don’t recall even learning the words “gay” and “lesbian” in the queer context until high school, and of course when I did, they were corrupted by ridicule and shame. Fortunately, I had a very strong sense of self and managed to survive and to thrive as a lesbian as soon as I went elsewhere for college.

I grew up as a fan of all the Lucasfilm franchises (including the original movie Willow, released in 1988). While I identified with both Leia and Han to a degree (and shipped them), something always felt off. There was something lacking in that magical Lucasfilm world. It was not just overt queer and diverse representation; it’s also the case, for example, that the entire original Star Wars trilogy does not pass the Bechdel-Wallace test. The original Indiana Jones trilogy barely does. (Criteria: there must be at least two named women who talk to each another about something besides a man.) Willow 1988 is the rare exception in early Lucasfilm that satisfies the Bechdel-Wallace test without our having to squint. As a fan of the original Willow, I found that Willow 2022 matched its spirit brilliantly and expanded its potential in such interesting directions.

I can’t begin to say how much it would have meant to me growing up to have had Willow 2022 within the Lucasfilm universe, for all these reasons. I really believe that a series like this would have changed the whole trajectory of my life - I am turning 50 soon - even when I count myself so very lucky to have had a supportive family and a strong sense of self. I am grateful that the first season of Willow 2022 exists at all, and it truly has propelled me to do a lot of important healing work around the childhood trauma of growing up queer at a time and place that was totally lacking in positive mainstream representation.

But it’s not enough: Willow 2022 should be made available for legal viewing in some form as soon as possible to keep saving lives and changing lives for the better.

[barmadumet]

You’ve seen all the Star Wars decor all over the house, but THIS is my private little sanctuary in my bedroom closet that’s just mine ❤️

I reworked the space during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays to make room for my treasures from the cons I attended to meet Hayden & Ewan 🖤🤍

Friends, I’ve been thinking about logging off tumblr for good lately. Social media exploded when I started college at the end of 2005, and I stayed away from ALL platforms until joining tumblr in 2020, and even after that, it took me several months to start posting and interacting. My main concern was my self-esteem - my mental health. I have always struggled with not feeling good enough and comparing myself to others. I made the decision to give this a try when I was in a good headspace - when I felt mature enough and strong enough to fight those negative feelings. It hasn’t always been easy these last few years, but it’s been so very rewarding. The good always outweighed the bad.

But lately, I’m not sure I can say that any longer. I feel like I am straddling a fine line. It surprises me how much things I see here can affect my mood and feelings of self-worth. Thanks to past (somewhat recent) trauma, I wrestle more than ever with this voice inside my head that says, “You don’t matter.” And usually, I can find ways to justify that being a false statement… Right now, I can’t find any reason not to believe it. For the moment, I do believe it. I feel if I vanished, it wouldn’t make a difference.

The friends I’ve made here are honestly what is carrying me through. And I can exit this space and keep those relationships, but then I wonder what I might miss out on. What about the new friends I’ve yet to meet? What about those people that I really don’t have side conversations with but always make me smile when I see their names in my posts’ notes? What about all the art that is yet to be created that I wouldn’t get to see? What about all the comms I wouldn’t get to share with you? How would I even know when comms are open??

My decision isn’t made. I’m going to try to hang in there and focus on all the positives. I’m feeling fragile, but typically, opening up helps me to better sort things out. So, here’s what’s in my head, and here’s what’s in my bedroom closet lol. I invite you in - because that’s the scary and vulnerable thing to do - the thing that’ll make or break a situation.

I want you to know that I care deeply for each and every one of you - maybe too much - and maybe that’s part of the problem. Not everyone will care in return, but that’s my issue. That’s something I need to learn to be okay with. I thought I had toughened up in my old age, but I suppose the tenderheartedness will always be a part of who I am, waiting to flood my emotions in weak moments. The people that are reading this give me the will to be strong ❤️

[thearoacespark]

voting (a balanced take? hopefully)

disclaimer: I don’t usually do this. I’m still very young and learning about the world and this is all pretty surface level observation— but I wanted to try and say something anyways—it’s likely imperfect and there is probably nuance I’ve missed. Also, this is mostly geared towards my fellow USAmericans.

I have been guilty of sharing sentiment with “vote blue no matter who, VOTE VOTE” posts, and being gripped with a sense of fear and urgency like no other. I understand. Project 2025, the ideals of Trump’s platform (lots of the immigration ideas eerily close to Proposition 187…) are very scary.

But let’s slow down. Others have said if we’re voting out of fear and as if we have no other choice, then it’s no better than having no choice as all. I have to agree.

In my opinion, while emotion does push people to act and is a good motivator, I feel much better choosing on my own rather than being pressured or guilted by others.

After all, no one can truly force another to do something they don’t want to—but we can discuss, debate, and change minds.

Instead of saying it’s impossible, let’s consider a third party candidate, specifically one that is explicitly pro-Palestine. In my opinion, it’s tough, especially for these reasons:

- No matter how you look at it four months is a short period of time. We might have less than four months, some ballots are printed and solidified early, according to AOC’s Instagram Live Talk. (link: https://www.instagram.com/reel/C9l41vgOAGj/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link)

- Many people have not heard of these third party candidates— I had not been familiar with Jill Stein or Claudia de la Cruz before today. Do many people know of the members of Congress who have already called for ceasefire? (https://workingfamilies.org/ceasefire-tracker/) Tumblr endorsements help and I appreciate the information on other platforms regardless, but what about people who are mostly offline?

- There’d need to be a robust and wide-spreading social media, news, TV and more campaign to get enough people informed in such a short time, much less get them on board and overcome the substantial opposition already faced by the pro-Palestine movement in general. Campaign managers need to be paid salaries. Transportation, advertising, food, gas… it costs a lot of money. A lot of people are already struggling financially and donating what they can— and donations to Gaza E-SIMs and evacuation funds help people right now. (By the way, plugging Operation Olive Branch: https://linktr.ee/opolivebranch)

- Even if they do get elected, it can’t be just the president— they will face extreme pushback, likely from all sides, and they need House and Congress and Court members on their side to make not only foreign policy shifts but also other systemic changes to society that are dearly needed.

For now, I’m voting blue because I think it’s our best shot at something better… but if someone has a detailed plan on how to turn a third-party candidate from improbable to possible that addresses these issues in concrete ways, then maybe the conversation can change. The time crunch, however, is extremely tough.

What now?

- Vote. Even if nothing about this post changes your opinion on the presidential election, I’d encourage you to vote, just for voter turnout and to exercise that political power! There are still nonpresedential and local elections that will directly impact your community. (https://www.usa.gov/confirm-voter-registration)

- Continue to advocate for causes you believe in and educate others, and learn about issues outside just the US.

- Being confident in the best action to take and trying to convince others to vote blue shouldn’t mean dismissing criticism of our current institutions and the current Democratic candidate, or attacking people who bring up these criticisms (of course, check for sources and records first!) These conversations should be ongoing.

- Try to fact-check everything you hear and dispel misinformation as much as possible!

- Continue to consider pushing alternative voting methods such as Ranked Choice Voting—I haven’t read into it enough to say more concrete details, but something has got to change 😭

- Share resources whenever you can, and take care of yourself and others :)

[missedmilemarkers]

When Opportunity Calls… A Musician’s Tale of a Potential Scam and How to Protect Yourself

My Background: From Internet Security to Photography

Before I became a full-time photographer, I spent years working in internet security for some of the biggest names in the industry. I’ve seen firsthand the types of schemes people fall for, and while it might seem shocking to me, it’s important to understand that anyone can be caught off guard. There’s no shame in it, and you should never feel embarrassed if it happens to you. That’s why I’m offering a free service to anyone who wants it—if someone is asking you for money in any form, consult with me first. I’ll help you determine if the offer is legitimate or a potential scam.

The Call That Almost Hooked Me

It started with a phone call—one that seemed like just another cold sales pitch. You know the type—someone claiming to have stumbled across my music and expressing an almost over-the-top level of admiration. They had a proposition, one that sounded too good to pass up. But as the conversation progressed, red flags began to pop up. Here’s a dramatized version of how it went down:

The Fictional Conversation: "An Offer You Can’t Refuse?"

Scammer: “Hello! I recently came across your music and was absolutely blown away by your talent. We’re launching a new platform for emerging musicians and would love to feature your work. We’re even willing to pay you upfront—$500 just to start!”

Musician (Me): “That sounds interesting! Could you tell me more about your platform? What’s it called?”

Scammer: “Of course! We’re called ‘HyperCompuGlobalMegaTech,’ a new but rapidly growing platform. Our goal is to showcase the best emerging talents. We’re so impressed with your music that we’re willing to cover all your costs, including studio time, to produce exclusive tracks for us.”

Musician (Me): “That’s quite generous. I’d love to learn more about your business. Could you provide some references or connect me with other artists you’ve worked with?”

Scammer: “Oh, we’re still building our roster, so most of our artists are new and haven’t been featured widely yet. But trust me, the exposure you’ll get is invaluable! We’re also offering a bonus—an additional $1,000 if you can produce new music for us within the next month. And guess what? We’ll even give you access to a top-tier recording studio!”

Musician (Me): “This sounds almost too good to be true. I’ll need to verify your business name and do some research first.”

Scammer: “There’s no time for that! Opportunities like this don’t come around often. We’re offering you a once-in-a-lifetime chance! If you wait, we might have to move on to another artist. Let’s move this conversation to WhatsApp so we can finalize the details more quickly.”

Musician (Me): “I understand, but I’ll need to be cautious. Could you provide some form of verification outside of our communication?”

Scammer: “Look, we believe in you and your talent, and we’re just trying to help you grow. Don’t overthink it! You’re missing out on a huge opportunity here.”

Breaking Down the Warning Signs:

Verification of Business: Always verify the business name and check for congruence in their information. Legitimate businesses will be happy to provide proof of their operations and connect you with others in their network.

Escalating Offers: If the offer keeps getting sweeter without you even asking, this is a major red flag. Real opportunities are often competitive, and businesses rarely need to persuade someone this aggressively.

Pressure Tactics: Scammers thrive on creating urgency. If you feel rushed to make a decision, take a step back. Legitimate opportunities don’t disappear overnight.

Transfer of Communication: Shifting the conversation to a different platform, especially one that’s less secure, can be a tactic to avoid tracking and accountability.

Too Good to Be True: Ask yourself—am I hoping for something too perfect? If the opportunity seems like it could solve all your problems at just the right time, it’s worth scrutinizing.

A Cautionary Tip:

If you find yourself in a situation like this, one of the best ways to buy yourself time is to use a polite excuse. Say something like, “I’m sorry, my significant other just walked in,” or “I just got in the car and I cannot speak right now” This will give you the time you need to step back and evaluate the situation—and reach out to someone like me for help.

My Photography Business:

It’s not unusual for me to be approached about selling my artwork. I’ve sold many pictures to a wide variety of clients, and all of my work is presented on a very unique metal canvas. Whenever a buyer is interested in my work, I dictate the terms. If I have a metal print on hand of the item, it’s yours. If I don’t, I will get it produced and delivered directly to you—guaranteed. Every genuine buyer has always agreed to my terms, and I know the value of what I’m offering. My snapshots are unique moments in time that can only be from me and no one else.

P.S. For those who might have missed it, “HyperCompuGlobalMegaTech” is a little nod to The Simpsons—because even when discussing something serious, it’s okay to have a laugh.

A Free Offer to Help You Stay Safe:

If you’ve ever received a similar offer or if you’re currently in the middle of one, don’t hesitate to reach out. I’m offering free consultations to help you determine if what you’re dealing with is legitimate or a potential scam. With my background in internet security, I can provide you with the tools and knowledge to protect yourself.

Conclusion:

Remember, not every incredible opportunity is a scam, but if something feels off, trust your instincts. A little caution can go a long way in protecting your hard-earned work and reputation. And if you ever need a second opinion, I’m here to help. Together, we can ensure that when opportunity knocks, it’s the real deal.

Get Involved:

Have you ever encountered a situation like this? Share your story in the comments, and let’s start a conversation about staying safe in the digital world!

[mariacallous]

Group chats, including at least one of mine, can’t get enough. #KateGate—loosely, a collection of theories around the whereabouts and well-being of Kate Middleton, the Princess of Wales—presently seems to be occupying more brain cells than oxygen.

Gossip has been flying ever since January, when Middleton took a step back from public life for abdominal surgery. For a while it was just mindless chatter, but then Middleton posted a photo on social media, purportedly taken by her husband, Prince William, that news agencies determined had been manipulated. Then, speculation—that she’d Gone Girl’d, that the royal family was hiding something—turned fully conspiratorial, and turned the conspiracies into a cultural moment. (See also: crossover memes showing Middleton at the weird Willy Wonka experience in Glasgow.)

It is as though, two decades later, the British royal family is just now learning about the Streisand effect. Back in 2003, Barbara Streisand sued a photographer for releasing a picture of her home that few people had seen. But the suit itself, which Streisand ultimately lost, led far more people to the photo than probably would have otherwise seen it, and now there’s a whole effect named after this incident. The royals released an altered photo and now it’s part of a “-gate”: #KateGate. By trying to relay that everything is fine, the photo lured even more people into questioning what was happening with Middleton.

Bottom line: If you’re, say, a member of the monarchy, and you don’t want them thinking your “abdominal surgery” is code for getting a Brazilian butt lift, your best bet, in 2024, is transparency. Anyone with an internet connection now has the kind of bullshit detectorsthat Area 51 believers could’ve only dreamed of—or they act like they do—and they’re going to figure you out.

Granted, they may not find the “right” answer or the “truth,” but they will know when someone is trying to pull a fast one. Thirty years ago, Buckingham Palace may have been able to throw snoopers off, but the internet of 2024 will investigate like no other. We got Taylor Swift conspiracies and QAnon. People wonder if most images are AI-generated for at least a second. Going onto X (formerly Twitter) now feels like stumbling into the writers room of a CSI spinoff—everyone thinks they’re a forensics expert. If anybody, including Middleton, thought no one would notice a doctored photo on Instagram, they were sorely mistaken.

On Monday, TMZ and The Sun released a video showing the Princess of Wales out shopping with Prince William. She was seemingly alive and well. The Sun said it was releasing images of their stroll “in a bid to bring an end to what the Palace has called the ‘madness of social media.’” It did nothing of the sort. Interest in Middleton peaked the next day on Google Trends. #katemiddleton and #whereiskate now have millions of mentions across social media platforms. The madness has not calmed.

People pay attention to the British royal family for the same reason they pay attention to Game of Thrones or House of the Dragon: They love mess. Monday’s grainy footage just made the mess worse. TikTok is full of breakdown videos attempting to debunk the images. Others just wondered aloud if they’d been fully sucked in.

“This was fun for a while, and now I am genuinely at a loss,” one TikTok user posted. “I don’t know if this is how you feel when you actually lose the plot in a conspiracy theory and like five years from now everyone’s like, ‘That’s the moment when we lost them,’ or if we’re like actually watching an insane cover-up take place.”

Following the release of the shopping video and images, “friends of the royals” told The Daily Beast that Middleton would resume her public duties with a “big bang” on March 31, Easter Sunday. On Wednesday, The Cut, which previously wrote that the Middleton affair was a “crisis,” reported that Buckingham Palace was looking for a communications assistant. (Mind you, this is Buckingham, not Kensington, but same operation.) Queen Elizabeth II used to say the royal family must be seen to be believed. That may not be true much longer.

[infjinthecity]

Hi Tumblr, What's Up?

Hello Tumblr! Can you believe I have existed in fandom spaces for this long and have never been on this platform? It seems that Tumblr is fandom’s MVP but I just never made the trek over this way – anyways, I’m here now. If you’re reading this, it’s probably because I told you about it on one of the other social media platforms and you probably at least know that I’ve very recently packed up my life and moved to China! I’ve been trying to figure out the best way to document my experiences here, and although we live in a visual era, I’m just not interested in being in front of a camera. I love to write and want to talk about my journey, so a blog seems like the best fit for me.

So, why China? Despite the fandom spaces that I occupy, my decision to move to China had absolutely nothing to do with Zhang Yixing or Wang Yibo. When people ask me why I made this change, I jokingly tell them it was an act of sheer desperation, but really, although I’ve always been joking when I’ve said that, it’s not too far from the truth. If you’re interested in learning why I moved to China and hearing about my experiences here, I hope you’ll stick around.  

Desperate Times, Desperate Measures

If you don’t know, I’m Australian but I have spent the majority of the last 14 years living and teaching in the United States. I worked in Los Angeles for 11 years and then in New York City for another 2 before I packed myself and my cat up and went back to Australia. I left the United States for three main reasons – all of which were related to my job. In no particular order, because they were all as problematic for me as each other, I left because of low teacher pay, egregious student behaviour, and the insanely high workload. In short, I was b u r n e d o u t. A lot of Western countries are experiencing a teacher shortage right now, and America is definitely leading the charge. There is a reason why people are fleeing the profession, and most of them are rooted the same reasons that I left the country.

I went back to Australia naively thinking that work was going to be better there. I grew up there and went to school there, and I completed my teacher training in Australia.  When I went through my university degree and prac assignments in Victoria, the job was definitely not this. So I returned  home with rose-coloured glasses thinking that teaching would be far superior in Australia than the experiences I was having in the United States. Boy, was I ever wrong! While the kids in Australia don’t have guns like they do in the U.S., their attitudes towards education and teachers in general is very reminiscent of what is going on in the U.S, and schools are still places of violence and conflict. I can’t speak for the private system, but all my friends in the public system say the same thing. And honestly, teacher workload in Australia is not lesser than that of the U.S., so I found myself – again - completely stressed out all the time, despite making this huge change that was supposed to better my life. That coupled with the outrageous cost of living in Australia (my god things got really expensive while I was living abroad) prompted a pervasive idea that just would not stop taunting me. The voice inside me kept saying I can’t do this anymore.

And so, it became clear that I had a choice to make: either stop teaching altogether or find somewhere to teach that isn’t going to break me. I did not initially consider China but as I continued to research my options, all roads always lead right here – The People’s Republic of China.

And, to cut a very long story (which I will elaborate on in other posts) short, here I am!

Right Here, Right Now

I’ve been here for 38 days now and it’s been the mother of all whirlwinds, for sure. I had been to China twice before on holidays (one of those holidays was to scope out my city and my school) so it wasn’t like I was coming into the country blind, like so many other foreigners do, but even so, it’s been hard. Very hard. Maybe one of the hardest things I’ve ever done? Probably.

I don’t speak the language very well, despite all the lessons I’ve been taking. Man, nothing tests your skills like absolute immersion and being surrounded by people who don’t speak a lick of your native language. I’m an articulate, educated person and here I’m reduced to a blubbering mess who stumbles and fumbles over sentence fragments, and fragments of fragments! The language is going to take time. A lot of time.

I’ve had many low points, and there were a few days a couple of weeks ago when I was legitimately considering throwing in the towel and going home. But, I am still here, so obviously I didn’t do that. And I’m glad I didn’t because it’s getting easier and all the things I love about China are starting to overshadow all the hard things that make me feel like living here is impossible.

My cat is arriving from Australia on October 11 so we’re here for the longer haul after that. I can’t take him back to Australia from China (I’ll make a post about that later) so we either stay till he dies, or we exit and live in another country for a year before returning home. Don’t worry, I have an exit strategy planned if I need it, I just don’t want to need it, if you get me.

I’ll be blogging about teaching here, my fandom experiences (of which, I’ve already been lucky enough to have some of), travel, and general thoughts and insights on what it’s like to live in China as a foreigner.

I hope you stick around because this place is crazy and I’ve got so much to tell you all. If you’ve got questions, I’m happy to answer them. I'm new to this Tumblr thing so be kind and patient with me while I work it all out!

Till next time, peace.

[bunnylovesani]

I know you said that you want to move on from this, but I have to tell you my thoughts because I can’t stop thinking about all of this.

I am a content creator as well, and I write for Anakin. I have been writing for various characters from various shows for years on here, and nothing - nothing - is more toxic than this fandom right now.

From everything I’ve witnessed, I can only attribute it to one person. Indy.

Unfortunately he cannot be helped because of how vain he is, which aren’t even my words. They are his. And it would be fine, if he just left other people alone.

But indy is a bully. A big bully. He polices this whole fandom like he’s got nothing better to do at all. And I’m so sick of it. It makes me and other creators feel like we have to walk on eggshells when we post on here (thus why I am anon. Because god forbid indy sees this, and his little squad of bitter rejects try to ‘cancel’ me too - which, don’t even get me started on cancel culture).

Indy has been called out for creating things before that other people don’t like. His advice? “Just block, don’t read, keep scrolling.” How fucking hard is it to practice what you preach, rather than dragging a new person through the mud each week?

Not to mention, that shit indy was spewing a few weeks back about “not liking how other creators are writing about Anakin because it’s not correct” ? “Be careful with my toy?” “I’m taking him back until you can learn how to handle him correctly?” What kind of entitlement let’s him believe Anakin is HIS to write for only. Anakin is not his idea. He is not his toy. He is George Lucas’s idea that EVERYONE can enjoy, and play with.

And his opinion is not the only correct one out there. I don’t care how much “character studying” he’s done, he can be wrong. Other people can “character study” and come up with completely different conclusions about Anakin. And he can also just let people write what they want to write. Don’t like it? Block, don’t read, keep scrolling. Stop fucking posting about it and laying claim to something that was never his to begin with.

I tried to support indy, because again, he is a phenomenal writer. but he’s way too problematic. It makes me sick seeing his name pop up on my feed, cause that blog literally emits toxic energy.

I am sorry he sunk his claws into you.

Anyways, this isn’t about indy. He was told it was a private matter so he had no reason to butt his big head in anyway. This is about you and Ava.

While Ava may have written an Anakin stalker au, she DOES NOT own it. Nobody own that. Cause nobody owns the ideas of stalkers, and nobody owns the idea of Anakin except GL and Disney. Your work does not resemble hers even slightly. And whose to say someone else hasn’t already written that au in the past? Maybe it’s buried somewhere in tumblr’s vaults. Do they own that idea? Should you dig through years of posts and credit them somehow?

The whole idea is ridiculous. You credit people for their original ideas if you are inspired by them and have permission to use it. You do not need to ask permission or credit something that belongs to everyone.

I could start writing about, I don’t know, firefighter!anakin right now - do I then OWN that au?

Fuck no!

We are all here for the same reason. To write fake scenarios about fake people. Of course, don’t blatantly steal peoples words and ORIGINAL ideas, but the fact that people are spouting all this bullshit about OWNING these common au-ideas now is crazy. Unless you’ve done some kind of world-building or OC-creating, that shit is not original. It’s been done before and it will be done again. Cry about it.

Now let’s bring the linecook Anakin au into consideration. How is it fair that Tilly can write about it, not credit anyone, and get away scotch free? Why didn’t she get called out like you did?

Granted she took it down, but I still think it’s horseshit. Nobody owns that idea. I’ve seen it used for so many different characters on various platforms. She did not have to take it down for some bullshit law indy place on this fandom.

I really am saddened that so many people got dragged into this. Ava left; an amazing content creator. Tilly deleted her work; also an amazing creator. And indy continues to show his true colors; an entitled asshole who can’t let anyone breathe on here.

I want to go back to when this shit was enjoyable. Now all I see on my feed is people throwing each other around because no one can play nice anymore.

Don’t steal peoples ideas. But don’t claim ideas as your own if they are NOT original.

I am on your side bunny. I think you’ve made some very good points, and I commend you for keeping your work up and for standing up for yourself.

At the end of the day, you are a victim of circumstance. I truly just think people need to stop dick riding indy. And I know if he ever sees this, he’ll try to make some witty comeback that only halfway makes sense. he always sounds so defensive when he tries too hard to make it seem like he doesn’t care. He probably cries himself to sleep over these things. I think he needs that.

DAMN ANON. Wish I knew who you were so I could kiss you.

I second everything you’ve said. Blocking me without giving me the chance to respond or explain to a public post made about me was very high and mighty as well as cowardly of him.

I don’t have much more to add since I said I was done talking but I’m gonna post this masterpiece so others can read it.

Seriously thank you for taking the time to write this out and share your valuable thoughts, much love ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡