#can’t sleep. feel sick. feel empty and sad all the time. say i’m lonely and then purposely avoid talking to people | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

winter-soldier-vibes · 3 years

Note

hi! request for one where reader struggles w depression a lot but hides it, tho it’s been getting worse recently and only bucky has noticed the small signs. then one night after no one seeing her the whole day or maybe something happened he went to check on her but she wasn’t in her room and he panics only to find her on the roof and just talks her down <3 all the love

Of course! I hope you're okay love❤❤❤. I saw another anon request something a lil similar in my ask box but I can't find it, maybe it got eaten, but I hope you like this!

Word count: 3,400 (ish)

Warnings: suicidal thoughts, depression, close to an attempt, Bucky talks about HYDRA, feelings of worthlessness.

A/N: This deals with very heavy subject matter, please do not read if you are in a dark place. I am here to talk if you want but I encourage you that if you feel this way in ANY way, no matter how severe, to reach out to someone. I also just wanted to say that the way someone talks someone down is never the same, some people may find a different approach more helpful or realistic. I wrote it this way because this is what I feel in my experience would have been helpful to hear. So please, if you don’t think it’s the way someone should talk someone down - please don’t come at me for it.

Overnight

People often don’t notice the small signs. The smiles that don’t reach the eyes, the dark circles from lack of sleep, the laughs that slowly become more forced. People don’t often pick up on those things right away. They happen slowly, as depression will often manifest. It’s rarely ever a flip of a switch shut down, happy one day and sad the net. Anxiety was like that, small things can trigger panic attacks. But with depression, it was this slow ache that grew in your chest, this dull cloud that made everything darker day by day.

These things rarely happen overnight.

You don’t know what caused this episode. You had struggled with depression and would go through some really low episodes before returning to baseline. It was never great, but it was...manageable. Most of the time. Some things could help you predict when you would go into another episode but you felt yourself slipping and you weren’t quite sure why.

You started withdrawing from the team. Subtly, not all at once. That would cause too much concern and the last thing you wanted was to be a burden. Especially with something like this, you didn’t even have an explanation.

It started slow, training on your own, missing team dinners, that sort of thing. If they were going out to celebrate or staying in for a movie you would slip away to your room where you didn’t have to worry about hiding it.

You didn’t want to be alone, you already felt so goddamn lonely. But somehow being lonely and surrounded by people who loved you hurt more.

The team chalked it up to you wanting to be alone, a bad day, being tired, etc. Whatever recycled excuse you gave them didn’t phase them. At least, not at first.

See, people who have experienced similar things will pick up in the small signs that others show. Someone who knows what anxiety is like will often be the first to pick up on nervous habits and tics. Often people notice when someone’s energy is coming from adrenaline and caffeine rather than sleep when they’ve done the same thing. Someone who knows what it’s like to feel hopeless and not want to reach out - they notice the small signs of withdrawing.

He noticed pretty early on the change in your demeanor. You had always been one to keep to yourself but this was different. You always seemed exhausted in a way that sleep couldn’t ever fix. Your laugh wasn’t quite the way it used to be, now forced and short, not the usual bubbly laugh it was.

Most people are able to just live and go about daily functions - eating, sleeping - it just came naturally to them. Surviving was natural to them. But it seemed like you had to put thought and effort into surviving.

Which, you were.

Slowly it became hard to motivate yourself to do the basic things to take care of yourself. You would do the bare minimum because you had to, but even that was starting to take more effort than it should. You were eating less because you just weren’t that hungry, but you still did because you knew if you didn’t you’d get sick eventually. You spent as much time in your bed as possible, but not much of it was sleeping.

Bucky picked up on these things and came up to talk to you about them, but you’d smile and shake your head.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just a little tired I guess.”

You weren’t lying, you were tired - emotionally more than physically.

Tired of more than what the day brought - tired of yourself, of your emotions. Tired of the way you felt so out of touch with yourself, out of control. Tired of how you wanted to get better but no matter what you did, it still came back. You were so tired of being exhausted all the time and there was nothing you could do about it.

You were tired of living this way.

You weren’t necessarily suicidal, it wasn’t that you didn’t want to live. You just didn’t want to live this life, not like this. You were so utterly exhausted day in and day out, every day was about getting to the end of it. Everything seemed pointless and you felt like you were watching life go by but you weren’t living it.

You were surviving. And you didn’t see much of a point to it anymore.

Your mask was cracking. And people were noticing.

Maybe it was when you were falling asleep during mission briefings, or nearly passing out in training because you had forgotten to eat. Maybe it was how no one saw you anywhere that wasn’t necessary. The team passed it off as a bad day or week, something you would get over because you were strong.

But apparently not the strong that you needed to be. You could fight off agents, assassins, you could run for miles. But you couldn’t stop your mind from telling you that life was pointless and you were a waste of space. But the team wrote it off as a bad week. But Bucky knew that this had been going on for much longer than a week.

These things rarely happen overnight.

Too many people were asking you if you were okay, and you weren’t, but you didn’t know how to say it. But you thought that if you had to choke out one more “I’m fine,” you would shatter. And you weren’t ready for everyone to see that.

You stopped coming out of your room unless it was for the bare necessities. You would come out at night for water and food, picking at it in your room so that no one would see you.

But that only made Bucky worry more.

The team, again, wrote it off as you needing some “Alone time” because maybe you just had a “bad day”. Of course they worried about you but they thought that if things were bad, or if there was something you needed help with, you would speak up. Because that’s what you did.

But Bucky was worried. He knew that when someone pushes people away, they may think being alone will help, but it only makes it worse. You may not want to talk to anyone, you may think being alone is what’s best. But it rarely is.

Being alone makes it harder to fight your demons. They can run rampant when given the chance. Being alone is the darkest and loneliest hell, and he knew that all too well.

He wasn’t going to leave you alone in that.

He came up to your room one night, wanting to check on you. He knocked on your door, being met with silence. He knocked again, calling your name, but was again met with silence. He tried the doorknob and found it unlocked, opening the door to an empty room.

Where the hell were you?

You weren’t anywhere else in the tower, so where were you?

Bucky stood there for a moment, confused before he remembered the AI system. “F.R.I.D.A.Y.Where's y/n?”

“I believe that they were heading up to the rooftop about a half-hour ago.”

Bucky’s eyes widened as he sprinted out the hallway and towards the stairs.

---

You looked out over the street, arms crossed over your shivering body. For now, you just looked down at the city below. You chuckled bitterly to yourself. There must have been thousands of people down there, thousands of lives, and you wondered how many people felt the way you did right now. So much hustle and bustle, things to do and places to be. You didn’t know a single person down there, it was just a blur of movement. Yet they all had their own personal stories and hells and blessings and shit that made them who they were.

You wondered how many of them pretended like they were fine.

You were standing closer to the edge than you should’ve been. You weren’t doing yourself any favors. You really shouldn’t be up here, but you didn’t know what else to do. Everything hurt all the time and it was just getting worse. You didn’t know whether or not you were gonna jump but here you were, teetering on the edge. Because no matter how much this hurt you still couldn’t bring yourself to fall forward.

You were scared.

You felt tears sting your eyes, angry, exhausted, everything - you couldn’t do anything right anymore, you felt no purpose, you were tired and scared all of the time. You felt so utterly done with everything, yet here you were with a way out and you were too scared of that too.

You were trapped in your body, trapped in your life, and while you didn’t want to die, you didn’t want it to hurt anymore. It wasn’t that you had nothing to live for. It wasn’t that you had nothing left. You knew you did, you knew the team was there for you. You had more support than you could ever need. But you didn’t know how to use them.

You didn’t even know how this happened. How did things get this bad? You remembered when you were happy, the person you used to be. The person everyone still seemed to think you were. Where did they go? What happened to them? And would you ever be able to be that person again?

Did it even matter? Would anyone even care or notice? They did a great job at ignoring what had been happening. Not that you wanted them to find out in the first place. It was so confusing, you wanted to scream for help, you wanted someone to just fucking notice or something. But didn’t you also answer every single “Are you okay?” with "Oh yeah I’m fine, just a little tired.”

So did you truly want them to know? Did you actually want them to notice or help?

You closed your eyes tightly, shaking your head a little to yourself. It was all so confusing, so frustrating. You didn’t know what to do. You felt completely trapped within yourself.

These things rarely happen overnight. And they never get better overnight either.

You took a breath as you looked down, toes slightly off of the ledge. One step or losing your balance would be all it would take. And then it would be over. Forever. It wouldn’t hurt anymore.

“Y/n?” you heard a calm, albeit nervous voice speak from behind you.

You felt your breath catch in your throat. As you squeezed your eyes shut. “No,” you whispered to yourself.

“Y/n, can you come down from there?”

“Why are you here?” you asked, voice strained with pain.

“Because I’m worried about you,” he said, voice sounding closer.

“I don’t want you to be worried about me! I never wanted anyone to worry about me!” you exclaimed.

“And where did not talking about what was bothering you get you?”

“No one would ever have to worry about me again. Not anymore.”

“No one on the team would ever be able to stop thinking about you,” Bucky started, walking closer to you. He spoke gently, worried he would scare you or you would suddenly jump off. “About how we should’ve worried about you. Everyone would blame themselves and ask themselves if they could’ve helped you if they had seen you were hurting.”

You heard his footsteps stop.

“This isn’t going to solve anything.”

You took a shaky breath. “What else am I supposed to do, huh?” you turned around, back facing the streets below as Bucky stood a few feet in front of you. “Pretend like this is gonna get better? Because it isn’t. I’m so sick and tired of pretending like one day everything’s gonna be okay again. It never stops hurting, it never turns off, and I can’t do it anymore!” you yelled, tears streaming down your face. You shook your head. “I know this won’t solve jack shit and it probably makes me weak, but I’m okay with that. Because I’m past the point of wanting to solve anything. I just want it to stop! Is that too much to ask?!”

“It is if your life is the price!” Bucky exclaimed. “We can’t lose you. You’re a part of this team - this family,” he said a little more calmly, trying to keep his own tears at bay. No one should go through feeling so hopeless, and you were one of the kindest people he knew.

But some of the most kind-hearted people are the meanest people to themselves.

“I’m not here to judge you or try to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. I’m not gonna tell you life is all beauty and grace because it isn’t. It’s okay to be in pain but this is not the way to fix it. I just wanna help you.”

You shook your head. “No one can help me.”

“At least let me try,” he said gently.

“You don’t understand okay? It never stops hurting,” you said, voice cracking slightly. “It always hurts and it's this ache in my chest and I feel like I’m suffocating. No one told me that life was going to hurt, no one fucking told me! They say life isn’t fair, or that life may sometimes bring you down, but they never said that existing would be torture. And I don’t want to keep living if it’s going to hurt this much.”

You saw Bucky’s face fall and you shook your head. “Please just go - You weren’t supposed to see this.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I’d rather see you at your worst than not see you at all,” he said. “You don’t have to do this yourself. I know it may seem like you do but you don’t. You never had to, and you never will have to. You have me, us, the team - we’re all here for you but we can’t if you don’t let us. But I’m not leaving you. You’ve been alone for too long already.”

You felt a new lump in your throat, feeling overwhelmed. Trapped between death and your worst nightmare. You never wanted to be vulnerable, you never wanted to hurt anyone with your own pain. But hearing Bucky’s words, seeing the panic in his eyes -

You had already hurt him. And he was right - killing yourself was only going to hurt the team more.

But it just hurt so much.

You had heard it so many times - “think about the impact you’ll have on those you love”, or how “suicide is selfish” and shit - made you feel like a horrible person. Because you did care about everyone, you cared too much. And it wasn’t that you didn’t care about hurting them with your decision - it was just that the pain of staying alive began outweighing the fear of hurting those you loved.

And it was torture.

You wanted to say everything that was on your mind - scream and cry and curse the universe, you wanted to break something, you wanted to be hugged, held, and told it would be okay - you wanted to get everything out.

You didn’t want to be alone anymore.

You’ve been alone for too long already.

You let out a broken sob, knees going weak as Bucky caught you and pulled you into his chest, away from the edge.

“I don’t want to do this anymore,” you said between sobs.

“I know you don’t, I know,” Bucky said, holding you tightly as if he feared you would disappear if he let you go.

Sticks and stones can break your bones but words can never hurt me was utter bullshit. Because the next words that came out of your mouth hurt Bucky more than anything HYDRA had done to him.

“Please just let me die. Why won’t you let me die? I just wanna die, please just let this be over.”

People didn’t realize what depression could do to a person. Someone who was full of life could end up like this. You don’t know what went wrong or when it happened, but you just felt absolutely broken inside. The kind of broken that can’t be fixed.

Bucky felt his heart shatter, tears falling down his own cheeks at how hopeless you had sounded. He had never been overly close with you, but you were always kind to everyone on the team. And the team had failed you by not noticing sooner.

“I’m gonna bring you inside okay?” Bucky said. You didn’t hear him, crying so hard that you couldn’t focus on anything else. He picked you up, carrying you back into the tower. Bucky brought you back to your room, sitting down on your bed with you. He rubbed a hand up and down your back, holding you tightly as he tried to help you calm down.

Exhaustion overtook you, your body becoming worn out from all of the crying and emotions. You never let your guard down like that in front of anyone, and shame began to overtake you.

“I - I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have seen that I’m so so sorry -”

“Don’t,” he started. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“No one was supposed to know,” you whispered.

“Why not? What��s so bad about asking for help?”

You paused for a moment, unsure exactly why. “I don’t know - I just feel really weak sometimes?” you said, more of a question to yourself. “Like I know everyone needs help and shit but I didn’t have a reason to need it. It hurts but I don’t know why, I cry when I’m not sad, I just - I’m not in control of myself and I don’t know why and if I can’t explain it to myself then how am I supposed to talk to anyone about it?”

“That makes more sense than you think. All of us on the team, we all go through shit. We see so many horrible things, we’ve been through so many things. We all have something. You have this. It’s okay if you don’t know why you feel the way you do but hurting yourself isn’t going to help anything.”

“I know what it’s like, wanting a way out,” Bucky said and you immediately knew what he was talking about. “Days that I wished Pierce or Rumlolw or whoever would just finish me rather than punish me over and over. It wasn’t that I wanted to die, I just wanted it to stop.”

You looked at him. “I know. But what I didn’t know then was that it would end. I never thought it could ever end or that it would ever end, but it did. And if I had died back then I would’ve died only knowing that pain. I wouldn’t have known that it could get better or that it would. And I’m not saying everything is perfect now because it’s not. But it’s better than it was. Okay?”

You nodded, fresh tears spilling out of your eyes. You knew the torture that Bucky went through, everyone on the team did. It had taken him a long time to speak about it on his own and move through it. But he did.

“I don’t know what to do anymore,” you said.

“Talking about it, getting it out is a great start. Talking about it never hurt anyone.” When you seemed a little apprehensive, Bucky added, “I felt alone for so long. Battling these thoughts and memories in my head. They never stopped. But when I started talking about it with someone, and they helped me work through it - I don’t know. It helped me a lot. It wasn’t just me and my thoughts anymore. I wasn’t alone.”

I wasn’t alone

“You don’t have to be alone anymore. I’m not going anywhere. Whether you like it or not I’m gonna be right here with you

These things rarely get better overnight. But maybe with someone else, they could get better a little bit quicker.

You gave a small nod. “Okay.”

---

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capesandshapes · 3 years

Text

Didn't You Know? (Post Reveal/Pre Relationship)

Summary:

Marinette is sick and realizes that Adrien has a secret to tell her.

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The music was loud.

Far too loud.

But she knew at the same time that she was drunk, far too drunk; so that might have played a part in it. Adrien sitting at the bar with girls surrounding him—draped on his shoulders and with hands on his knees— might have also played a part in it. Because she’s tired, and sick, and lonely; and he’s there like he always is, waiting to take her home, waiting to take care of her because he feels like it’s his duty.

Because he’s Chat Noir and she’s Ladybug, and he promised one day however many years ago that he would always take care of her. Now she has to live with that. Now she has to live with wanting him, but still not fucking saying it.

And just when her night seems like it can’t get worse, some guy dumps a pint of whiskey on the front of her dress and makes to clean it up, his napkin at the ready to blot it like this totally isn’t some pre-planned thing—

“Oof,” a familiar voice says beside her, placing his sweatshirt around her shoulders before she can even protest and pushing the hands away before the man can try to ‘help’. “Thank you for that, but she’s already taken care of, I think I’m gonna take her home.”

And immediately the guy, some big burly man likely in his thirties, is flinging accusations and acting like he knows everything. “And who are you to do that?” Like he wasn’t just trying to do something awful.

“I’m her husband,” Adrien says, flashing a black and green ring while throwing a cheeky smile over his shoulder as he pulled the two edges of his sweatshirt a little bit closer around her. “Happily married,” he mutters, his eyes softening as they landed on hers and he saw her pull the sweatshirt on to really sell the statement. He leaned forward to zip it up, throwing the man another smile, this one verging on a warning as he placed his hand on Marinette’s shoulder.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize,” the man began, blinking as Adrien made to herd her away.

“It’s fine,” Adrien said, his arm around her shoulders and his eyes staying firmly on her. “She’s going home.” In a stage whisper, he added, “you’re sick, aren’t you sweetheart?”

Which was only half because of the other man and half because she actually was sick, and he wanted an answer.

She had been wondering how long she could keep it from him that night, how long she could last dancing with Alya and accepting only water. Now that he knew who she was, Adrien had a way of seeing through all of her other disguises too. Like her telling herself that she wasn’t sick and trying to act like she wasn’t sick.

Even though a small part of her was afraid she might have caught the flu or been suffering from some sign of overwork…

“I’m going to get your coat,” he said, guiding her near the door.

“Are you also going to go and tell more people that we’re married?” She asked wearily, swaying on her feet.

He laughed, leaving a small kiss on her forehead that almost made her cross her eyes. “I tell everyone I’m married; it keeps them from hitting on me and technically I am…” He raised his hand, waggling his eyebrows at her, “married to the job,” he joked. “I’m taken in more ways than one.”

She wished she didn’t laugh, if only because it encouraged that type of thing. As his friend, she shouldn’t have been happy that he was sitting in clubs with his miraculous on his ring finger, turning away girls who could have been something to him. As his friend, she shouldn’t have raised the sleeve of his sweatshirt to her nose as he walked away, smelling the soft cologne that he’s taken to wearing instead of the Agreste branded stuff.

She really sucked at this whole being his friend thing. More so now than ever.

He reappeared with her jacket, her housekeys in his hand. He didn’t, of course, make any moves to replace the sweatshirt around her shoulders, just another addition to the list of many things that would always make her wonder about where she actually stood with him.

Alya always insisted that he liked her and was just waiting for the right time to say anything, but two years had passed since they’d revealed their identities and Marinette had started to doubt that. If it was more than a childhood crush, he would have told her by now.

Then again, she thought as she watched him wait for their taxi, she hadn’t told him.

***********************************

Adrien unlocked her door and hauled her stuff inside, Marinette following closely behind. He reached around her once she was safely inside, closing the door and locking it.

“I’ll stay on the couch tonight in case you need anything,” he informed her. Adrien was often overbearing when she was sick, a trait that he’d picked up from her once she learned that no one was really around to care for him when the boy was sick. It almost became tradition for the man to sleep in her living room whenever she was ill, another reason why she didn’t want him to know.

It was almost painful how much he cared.

That was the problem with the two of them, someday he would get a girlfriend or she would have another boyfriend, and they would tell him how weird this was, that he cared way too much for the young woman and she cared too far beyond reason for him as well. Then it would end.

She didn’t want it to end.

She wanted a thousand different things in her life, like to start her own fashion line and see the world, but she didn’t want Adrien to leave her.

She was in love with Chat Noir. How long? She couldn’t tell you. Before the reveal, probably. Before she knew that he shared those green eyes with the other guy who made her chest feel heavy and her breathing weak.

“You should shower,” Adrien said. “Are you hungry? We didn’t go out to eat this time.”

“I had a microwave meal.”

“You didn’t eat then,” Adrien proclaimed, marching into her kitchen. Ever since he learned how to cook one summer at Nino’s grandparents, he was a storm in the kitchen. He made food for her whenever he could, always watching her closely for her reaction to that first bite. It reminded her of her father in a way, that excitement to watch her experience new things and know that he was responsible.

She sighed, lumbering into the kitchen on exhausted legs and wrapping her arms around his back, burying her face into it and murmuring her thanks. “I love you,” she mumbled, such a common phrase from her that it always just slipped out.

“I love you too,” he stated, his hands wrapping around hers and giving a reassuring squeeze. “You can put on a new one of my sweatshirts when you get out of the shower,” he said, because eventually she had started a whole collection of them without thinking about it.

She nodded, bending over to remove her high heels before traveling further into the apartment. He was already at her feet by the time she’d managed to overcome dizziness and bend over, beginning the process of unbuckling her heels and tossing them aside.

She blinked at him, feeling his soft blond hair brush against her leg and immediately giving into the urge to touch it. Her hand wove through the back of his hair and he pressed a small kiss to her leg as he finished the last shoe, tossing them aside. “There,” he said, smiling up at her.

She really hoped he thought she was red from the fever.

Freed from her shoes, she felt the world blink in and out as she stumbled to her bathroom, turning the shower on cold to combat her fever despite her body’s pleas not to. She practically fell into the shower and she knew that he heard, rushing to the door as quick as possible. “I’m fine,” she called before he could so much as knock, blinking at the mixture of shampoos and soaps before her. When would she finally make room for Adrien to have his own shelf? She shook her head, tempted as always to see if there was some magic in his fifty-dollar shampoo, but settling for her strawberry-scented one instead. Adrien had teased her the last time she’d used anything on his recommendation.

Finally clean, she emerged from the bathroom, walking the short distance in her towel before ending up in her room. “It’s almost done,” Adrien said from the kitchen as she pulled on a pair of joggers and one of his old sweatshirts, pulling her hair into a sad attempt of a bun.

Deeming herself close enough to presentable, she moved back into the kitchen, steadying herself on the wall when he noticed her and his face broke into a smile.

“You didn’t have any chicken stock, so I made leek soup,” he said, gesturing to the bowls, one for her, one for him.

She nodded, grabbing the bowl and moving to the living room, scooting too close into his side when he settled on the couch beside her, flicking on the tv. He threw on the show they’d been watching recently, a bad soap opera about werewolves that had the sets falling apart around them. She let out the softest yawn when the theme music began, sinking further and further into him until he finally finished his food, placing his arm around her.

“When is she finally going to realize that he’s in love with her,” she grumbled. “I mean, they’re dating, aren’t they?”

“I don’t know,” Adrien said, pulling the empty bowl from her lap and pulling her on top of him, the two laying together as the show continued to play. His eyebrows furrowed, concern for the characters showing on his face, “I mean, she has stuff at his place and everything.”

That didn’t mean anything, Marinette had things at Adrien’s place. She had more than one drawer, a whole closet even. “I mean, he said he’s in love with her, right?”

“Yeah,” Adrien agreed. “And they go practically everywhere together, people invite them as a couple.”

“And he sends her all these texts every day of things that she’s into!” Marinette complained. “I don’t know much about love, but that seems like it’s part of it.”

“Mhm,” Adrien agreed, pressing his lips to the corner of her mouth. “Thank you for the recipes the other day, by the way.”

“No problem—” she began, and then stopped, her eyes sliding over to him. He still watched the tv with the same expression, not even giving what he’d done a second thought.

“I think he’s finally about to say it,” Adrien stated with a frown. “It’s taken long enough.”

But Marinette couldn’t focus on the show at all. All she could do was stare at him. “You almost kissed me,” she marveled.

He cast her a questioning look, looking over at her just slightly before turning back to the tv. “Do you want me to fully kiss you, or?”

Marinette straightened, using her forearms to jerk back from him, her eyes wide.

He blinked, turning around to look at her, his eyebrows furrowed. “Marinette?”

“You kissed me,” she repeated, deciding at the corner was good enough and reaching to touch her mouth with her hand almost absentmindedly, tumbling against his chest in the process.

“Yes?” He said, peeling her off him to look him in the eyes. “I mean, that’s what people do when they’re dating—”

Her mouth fell open.

“Marinette..?”

“We’re dating?!” She yelled, her eyes wild.

He immediately flattened against the couch, looking almost as shocked at the statement as she was. “Marinette, I have stuff at your apartment, you have stuff at mine. I cook for you, we have shows. We watched all of Naruto together. You tell me you love me every day, and I say it back.”

“But that’s—We—” She floundered, almost falling off the couch.

Adrien’s hand caught her. “Marinette, be careful, you have a fever—”

“How long?” She asked, slumping into his hand. “We haven’t even kissed—”

“To be fair, we have kissed plenty of times before and I just assumed—”

“How. Long.” She repeated, and she could see the pure terror grow in his eyes.

“Two weeks?” He said, quickly explaining, “I mean, I sent you that long text about how much I liked you and you sent me back that you would be lucky to be my girlfriend, any girl would—”

She gasped, almost falling backward this time before his hands plastered themselves to the small of her back, the young man sitting up beneath her.

“Marinette?!”

“You’re my boyfriend,” she said loudly. “Oh my god, you’re my boyfriend.”

“Is that a bad thing?” He frowned.

“But you tell people that you’re married—”

“As a private joke,” he corrected. “I also tell people that I’m taken, not as a joke.” His hands pulled back from her, his voice almost unsure as he asked, “do you not want to be?”

“Of course, I want to be,” she squeaked. “I mean, that’s like asking someone if they want to be rich, or have a room full of puppies, or cure cancer—”

The corner of his mouth rose in a smirk.

“It’s just that I didn’t know,” she finished. “I haven’t even kissed you. And now I’m sick and I have this boyfriend here to take care of me, and he’s going to sleep on the couch…” Marinette struggled to list everything else wrong.

Adrien didn’t give her a chance.

No, instead he grabbed the side of her face and pulled her down, pressing his lips against hers in a firm, inarguable kiss.

“Well, I don’t have to sleep on the couch…” he said as he pulled away.

#lovesquare #post reveal pre relationship #marinette dupain cheng #adrien ageste #ladybug #chat noir #miraculous #miraculous ladybug #ml fanfic #miraculous fanfiction #miraculous ladybug fanfiction #this isn't a fill this is for me #this is from my wips #my fanfic

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f1nalboys · 3 years

Text

Drunken Mistake - Randy x GN!Reader

WORD COUNT: 1247

WARNINGS: cheating, sad randy, betrayal, no happy ending

It was just a drunken mistake. How fucking cliché, but it’s true. You don’t know what had come over you, honestly. You were three drinks in and you were lonely and the guy was there and he was so sweet and nice and cute. So you slept with him. It wasn’t anything mind blowing but it got the job done and you went to bed in your apartment after he left.

And then you woke up to Randy crawling into bed next to you and kissing you the way he always did. He had been gone for three god damn days and you slept with someone else. He was smiling at you and looked so happy to see you. So happy to be back with the love of his life.

“Hey, baby. Sleep well? I missed you,” He kisses you again, running his hand through your hair before pulling back. You can’t speak. His eyebrows furrow slightly. “You feelin’ alright?” You nod your head and give him a weak smile. You didn’t know what to do, what to say.

“Yeah, just tired, still. I thought you were supposed to come back later tonight?”

He grins, shrugging. You sit up in bed now, keeping the blanket close to your chest. You aren’t sure if the man had left any hickeys on you and for a second you want to throw up. He can’t find out. Not like that, at least.

“Boss let me go home early. There’s something I wanted to run by you.” He says, grabbing your hand with his and fiddling with your fingers. You tilt your head, waiting for him to continue. You were starting to relax; being here with Randy did that. “You know I love you, right?”

You smile softly, nodding. He swallows hard and you squeeze his hand, wondering what he wanted to tell you. What if something was wrong with him? What if he was sick? Oh god, what if he knew what you did? “What is it, baby?”

He scoots closer to you, reaching into his jacket pocket and he sighs, his eyes flicking between you and his hand. “I’ve loved you for a long time, Y/N. Like, an embarrassingly long time. When you walked into the video store for the first time I nearly passed out. You were just so… perfect. And your smile, God, I knew I needed to talk to you.

“But I was a little awkward, crazy, right? You came up to me and started talking to me about some damn movie and the next thing I knew it was closing time and I had your number. That was almost six years ago and you’ve stuck with me through so much shit. You’ve been my rock.”

Randy pulls his hand out of his pocket, a small box clasped in his hand. Your heart sinks as he opens it, revealing a ring. A beautiful and expensive and undeserved ring. “Randy…”

“You deserve so much. And I really need to finish this before I start crying because you know how I get when I start,” He laughs, his voice cracking slightly. He pulls the ring from the box and holds it out to you. “I love you. And I want to love you for the rest of my life because I don’t know another way I could live. Y/N...will you marry me?”

Shaking, you hold your hand out, allowing him to slip the ring onto your finger. He grins and you feel him pull you in close, squeezing you so fucking tight. You couldn’t breathe. You couldn’t take your eyes off the ring and all you could think about is the guy you had fucked in the very spot Randy was sitting.

He meant nothing to you. He means nothing to you and now the man who did was proposing and telling you how lucky he was to have you and you couldn’t fucking take it. Randy was still holding you, planting soft kisses onto your neck, whispering about how much he loves you.

“I cheated on you.” The words take the both of you by surprise. Randy’s body tenses and he pulls back slowly, his eyes searching your face. You couldn’t look at him. You couldn’t see the fucking look on his face when he realized you were serious.

“What?” His voice was quiet. His hands leave your body when you don’t answer and you force yourself to look at him. His eyes were glassy, brimming with tears, and he looked like someone had punched him in the gut. He laughs in disbelief, moving towards the edge of the bed, away from your hand that had begun to reach for him. “Fuck… you’re serious…”

“I’m so sorry, Randy. You have to believe me, it meant nothing. I love you. I love you so fucking much.” Your voice cracks as you crawl over to him on the bed. His elbows were resting on his knees and his head was in his hands. His body was shaking. He was crying. You wrap your arms around him, placing kisses wherever you can, repeating your mantra. “I love you.”

He stands up abruptly, your hands dropping from him. You were crying now, choking back your sobs whenever you tried to speak to him. He swipes at his face with the back of his hand, his back towards you. “When. When did you…”

“Randy…”

“Answer me.” His voice was sharp. It was a tone he had never taken with you before. He turns to look at you now and his face was nearly unreadable. You let out a sob, curling into yourself on the bed, crying into your hands. He doesn’t move to hold you.

You knew the answer would hurt him. He didn’t deserve to be hurt, he deserved someone who loved him and who wouldn’t have done that to him. “Last night. Here.”

Randy scoffs in an attempt to cover up the sound of his heart fucking shattering. Last night. In his fucking bed. You were cheating on him with some guy while he was begging his boss to let him go home early so he could propose to you. “Last night. Christ, Y/N...why? Did I do something?”

“No! God, no, Randy, you didn’t do anything. You didn’t deserve this, I hurt you and I’m so fucking sorry. Please don’t blame yourself.” He sits back down onto the edge of the bed and he doesn’t fight against your arms when you pull him into you. You hold him as he cries. The two of you say nothing for the next hour. He just cries into your chest and you hold him.

“I can’t…” He sits up, exhausted. You look at him, knowing what he was going to say but knowing it’s going to hurt all the same. “I can’t stay here. With you. I love you but… Fuck, Y/N. Don’t… Please don’t try and talk to me, alright? I’ll come by later to get my stuff. I just...” He looks at you. He was empty.

“I’m sorry, Randy. I’m so fucking sorry.” You follow him into the living room, hoping and praying for a miracle. Praying that he’ll turn around and forgive you, that you’d wake up and all of this would be a bad fucking dream. But he didn’t. He gets to the front door and grabs his keys and his wallet and opens the front door. “I love you.”

He doesn’t turn to look at you. The door closes and you’re alone.

#queued post #s1mping4slashers writing #s1mping4slashers works #s1mping4slashers masterlist #randy meeks #randy x reader #randy meeks x reader #slashers #scream #scream 1996 #slasher x reader #cheating #yeah randy is sad again sorry yall #i was in a mood #slasher imagines #slasher fic #slasher headcanons

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toxophilitis · 2 years

Text

Horny Spread Daughter conclusion

CHAPTER TEN

During the days following his torrid three-way fuck session with his niece and daughter, Craig was assailed with deep feelings of guilt. He had started off just wanting his little girl to jerk him off so he could have the orgasms he needed medically. But things had gotten way out of hand. Now, he was not only sucking and fucking her, but he was fucking his own niece as well.

There's just no way in the world I can excuse that, he thought, shaking his head sadly. As much as Jody turns me on, and as willing as she obviously is to fuck with me, I'll just have to put a stop to it once and far all. I'm the adult, after all, and it's up to me to exert a little self-control. I just can't keep committing incest with my own daughter. It's just not right.

And with that intention in mind, Craig began to avoid his daughter. Once more, he began to work long hours, coming home only after she was in bed asleep. Whenever she tired to talk to him, he made some flimsy excuse to leave. He knew he was hurting her and he hated that idea, but he figured that he would be hurting her a lot more if he continued to fuck her.

For sexual release, he began to turn to the women he knew who were only too glad to have him as their sexual partner. He was surprised and dismayed to discover that sex with these women was empty and unsatisfying, and he longed for the kind of love and closeness he always felt with his daughter. But he was determined to not give in to his incestuous urges.

A couple of weeks later, Craig came home late one night, fresh from a meaningless fuck session with one of his women friends, and he collapsed into bed, feeling almost like crying. He realized that he hadn't felt this sad or lonely since his wife had run out on him and Jody.

Just as he was about to drift off to sleep, his bedroom door opened and Jody stood there, framed by the doorframe, with the hallway light clearly showing the outline of her naked body beneath her thin nightgown.

"Jody! What... are you sick?" Craig asked, feeling flustered as he felt that familiar surge of incestuous desire rush through him.

"Y-Yes, Daddy, I guess you could say that I'm sick. I'm sick and tired of the way you've been treating me!" Jody cried and her father could tell that she was on the verge of tears.

"Why, Jody, I don't know what you mean," Craig muttered, averting his eyes from the sexy outline of her naked body beneath her flimsy gown.

"Oh, come on, Daddy, you know exactly what I mean! You've been ignoring me! You've been avoiding me! And you haven't been fucking me!" she wailed, sobbing now.

"I've just been unusually busy at the office, dear," he lied, "and besides, I..."

His words trailed off as he vainly tried to come up with a plausible-sounding reason why he had been avoiding her lately.

Jody entered her father's bedroom and closed the door behind her. While Craig held his breath, she sat down on the edge of the bed and reached out with one hand, touching his shoulder.

"You're not at the office now, Daddy. And you're not busy. So let's fuck right now," she murmured, sniffing way the last of her tears.

Craig panicked.

"I-I can't," he muttered.

"Why not?"

"Well, I have a headache tonight!" Craig said in a rush, thinking how ridiculous that sounded.

"Daddy, we need to talk," Jody said firmly.

"Talk? Talk about what, Jody? I don't feel much like talking now. I'm tired and this really isn't the time for a talk."

"That's what we have to talk about, Daddy! The way it never seems to be time for you and me to do anything! To talk! To fuck! You never have time for me anymore!" Jody cried unhappily.

Craig sat up in bed. He heard his daughter sniffing again and he knew that she had begun to cry.

"Oh, honey, what's the matter?" he asked as any concerned father would.

"It's so hard, Daddy. You and I were getting along so well... ever since you asked me to help you with your gland problem... we were so do... and we were making each other happy. Why has that all changed? Why are you treating me like a leper now? Did I do something wrong? Don't you love me anymore?"

"Oh, darling, of course I love you! I love you more than anything or anyone in the world! And you didn't do anything wrong! I'm the one who did something wrong!" Craig cried, running one hand through his tousled hair.

"What do you mean, Daddy? What did you do wrong?" Jody asked with a little hiccup.

"I never should have started to fuck you, honey. It just wasn't right," he mumbled.

"But you had to came! Your doctor said so!" Jody cried fervently.

"Yes, he did, but I could have just continued to let you jerk me off, or I could have fucked other women. I didn't have to fuck my own little girl!"

"Yes you did! Because I wanted you to! Don't you remember, Daddy? I begged you to fuck me! And I wanted you to lick my little pussy for me, too, Daddy! So I'm the one who's more responsible for what we did, Daddy! But I don't think I did anything wrong! And neither did you! Because it felt so right! You know it's true, Daddy, you know it!" Jody practically shouted at her daddy.

Craig turned on his side, no longer facing his daughter. She was making this so hard for him. He wanted nothing more at that moment than to reach out and pull her hard against him. He wanted nothing more than to fuck the shit out of her. But he was still determined to do the right thing.

"You'd better go on back to bed, Jody. And forget all about what we did together. I won't be fucking you any longer. I'm fucking other women now," he muttered.

"I don't care!" Jody cried, sobbing again now. "I don't care how many other women you fuck! As long as you fuck me, too, Daddy! I didn't get jealous when you fucked Sheri! I thought it was neat. And I'm not jealous now about you fucking other women... not as long as you fuck me! It's when you don't fuck me at all that I'm unhappy," Jody explained softly.

When Craig did not answer his daughter, she moved closer to him on the bed and leaned over him. He trembled a little as he felt her big tits pressing against his arm. His cock began to harden, and he moaned softly.

"Daddy, I know that you're really bothered by what we did together," Jody said in a patient tone that a parent usually used with a stubborn child, "but you don't have to be. A lot of girls want to fuck their daddies, and more of them actually do fuck with their daddies than you can probably imagine. I think the important thing is for us to be true to our feelings. I think we should do what feels right, Daddy. And it feels right to fuck you. And if you're honest with yourself and with me, you'll admit that it feels right to you too."

Still Craig did not answer her. He was afraid that if he opened his mouth at that moment he would ask her if he could fuck her right then and there.

"I-I'm so afraid of losing my daddy," Jody sniffed pitifully. "I've already lost my mommy. I don't think she'll ever come back now. And if I lose you now, too, Daddy, then I'll be all alone in the world, and I honestly don't think I could stand that, Daddy!"

That did it. The girl's words struck a fatherly chord deep in Craig and, with a little groan, he turned over onto his back and reached out to his little girl.

"Oh, Daddy!" Jody squealed as she entered her father's warm embrace.

Craig held her close to him. He could not let his own daughter feel that she was all alone in the world. He patted her back and murmured into her ear.

"My precious little girl," he said. "You're so special to me, Jody. I do love you, honey, and I'll never let you feel all alone. You're not going to lose me. Not ever!"

"Promise, Daddy?" Jody asked softly as she leaned against him and sobbed out all of her fears and her feelings of rejection. She cried for a long time while her daddy held her tightly, murmuring soothingly to her.

Finally, she stopped crying. She heaved a couple of deep breaths and looked up at her father with her eyes still filled with tears. Her lips trembled gently.

Craig saw the incestuous desire in his daughter's eyes and he knew that he felt the same kind of need. He lowered his lips to Jody's and kissed his sexy little girl, not as a father would usually kiss his daughter, but as a man would kiss the woman he loved more than anyone in the world.

Happy once again, Jody pressed her young body against her daddy's and they lay back on the bed together, still kissing. Their tongues twined about each other and their saliva mingled. Father and daughter moaned into one another's mouths as they gave in to their incestuous lust for each other.

Craig held his daughter close, feeling her trembling with desire and excitement and lust. He felt the same kind of trembling in his own body.

When their kiss ended, Jody looked into her father's eyes.

"Daddy, I meant what I said," she said softly and sincerely. "You can keep right on fucking those other women... just so you don't forget about me... just so you fuck me too!"

"No, Jody, I'm going to tell those other women that I won't be fucking them anymore. And I don't want to fuck Sheri again either. I don't need anyone but you, Jody. I have you and you're everything I need in a woman."

"Oh, Daddy, I love you!" Jody grinned and hugged her daddy tightly against her. His words were music to her ears.

Now that he had finally said those important words, Craig wondered why it had taken him so long to make that decision... why he had been struggling against his natural desires for even one moment. He knew that his daughter was right, and not for the first time either. If they just went with their loving feelings for each other and allowed their love-making to happen in a spontaneous, natural way, they would be just fine.

It all seemed so simple to him now. And he realized that his little girl was far wiser than he was. He would let his little girl become his woman in the way that she wanted to. He knew that his wife was gone for good, and he also knew that even if she wanted to come back now, he wouldn't let her. She had hurt her husband and daughter too badly to be forgiven. And most importantly, Craig did not even love her anymore. He loved only Jody.

From now on, it would just be him and Jody. He would come home from work each day and she would be there waiting for him, his little girl, the one who turned him on so much. And he would forget about the guilt. Jody was right, he thought, there was nothing to feel guilty about. Society may have its hang up about incest, but that didn't mean that Craig and Jody had to have the same hang-up.

Yes, it's perfect, he thought with a smile as he continued to hug his little girl. He and Jody would live happily ever after. They needed only each other. Jody was everything he could ever want in a woman. And he would be her man, her daddy, her lover, and her protector.

"You won't ever have to cry again, honey," he said softly, "I'll never leave you."

Jody held her father close and hugged him, feeling more love for him that she had ever felt before. Then the young girl sat up on her father's bed and pulled her nightgown off. Her soft tits drew her daddy's hands like magnets.

Craig moaned as he touched his little girl's tits, massaging them. It had been only a few weeks since he had touched these big globes of titflesh, but it felt like years.

The teenager closed her eyes and tilted her head back, moaning with incestuous pleasure.

"Ohh, Daddy, that feels soooo good! It's been too long since you've touched my tits! You'll never know how special you are to me, Daddy!" she cried.

"But I do know, honey. For you're just as special to me," Craig said hoarsely.

He raised himself up and worked his tongue around one of his daughter's pink nipples. He felt it stiffening against the lewd touch of his tongue, and he groaned with lust.

Jody reached out and touched her father's hair, purring like a newborn kitten.

"Ooh, Daddy, it feels like a life time since you touched me like this."

It felt like an eternity to Craig. He loved the taste and feel of his daughter's naked flesh, and he felt almost as if he had been starving himself by deliberately keeping away from the taste and feel that was so good and natural.

He sucked on her nipple harder as Jody ran her soft fingertips over his neck. He trembled with lust, just as she did. Then he moved his mouth to her other tit and her other nipple.

"Ohhh, Daddy, that's sooo fuckin' good!"

Jody sighed, rocking against him and moaning with pleasure as he sucked on her stiff nip.

"Daddy, Daddy, I love you so much. I don't think any little girl has ever loved her daddy as much as I love you!" she cried. And she could tell by the way her father touched her that he loved her very much too. She was sure that very few fathers loved their daughters as much as her daddy loved her, and she trembled with happiness.

She moaned continually now as she felt her father running his strong hands over her young body, feeling her firm asscheeks and cupping them in his hands.

Jody looked into her father's eyes as she lowered one hand to her crotch. She rubbed her little pussy for a few seconds. Then she raised that hand to her nose and sniffed her fingers. She could smell her own pussyjuices and she wanted to share that smell with her daddy.

"Here, Daddy," she said softly, "smell how excited you've made."

She put her fingertips against the man's nose and he took a deep breath, smelling his daughter's cuntjuice and he sighed.

"You're the sweetest little daughter in the whole wide world, Jody. My very own sweet little girl," he murmured huskily, realizing that he had never felt such raging desire for his daughter before.

Jody was trembling with sexual need for her daddy. She groaned with excitement as her father pulled her back on top of his body. He kissed her passionately, feeling her naked, sexy body against him. He ran his fingers up and down her back and ass as they kissed over and over again.

Then Jody smiled at him and slipped down his hard body. The man was wearing his under-shorts and she put her young, trembling fingers under the waistband of those shorts and slowly and teasingly pulled them down his hairy legs.

When the shorts were off, she looked at her daddy's rock-hard prick and she groaned with lust. She wrapped her fingers around the big cock and began to stroke it up and down.

"Mmmm, Daddy, my sweet, sweet Daddy. He's got the biggest, most gorgeous prick in the whole world! And it's all mine!" she cooed.

"That's right, Jody, darling. It's all yours!" Craig said his voice slurred with incestuous lust.

He moaned with pleasure as he felt his daughter moving her little sweet mouth over his cock, taking his hard cockmeat into her, impaling her face on his stiff prick.

"Mmmmmmmfffff," she moaned around the thickness of her father's cock. She was sucking him with a feverish intensity that she had never felt before. It had been weeks since she had had her daddy's prick in her mouth, and she never wanted him to turn away from her again. She could never stand to lose this man who meant the world to her. She remembered his promise that he would never let her feel all alone again, and his love-filled words made her suck his cock harder than ever before.

She worked her mouth up and down on his prick, keeping her lips soft but tight around his pulsing fuckmeat. Finally, she reached the point where she knew that if she kept on sucking him, he would come. And she didn't want that. She wanted to feel her daddy's cum up her pussy. Her girlish cunt had been feeling empty for too long now, and she longed to feel him inside her. She needed that desperately.

She slipped her mouth off her daddy's cock and smiled at him. His cock was strong and thick and hard and it shone with her saliva. She had done that for her father, and it made her feel proud.

"Fuck me now, Daddy," she sighed softly. "Fuck me and forget about all those other worries."

Craig returned his daughter's smile. And as he moved on the bed, shifting his position, he realized that he had already forgotten about his worries and his guilt. And he had his sweet little girl to thank for that. With the youngster's cunt so eager and willing to receive his cock, he could forget about his guilt and his slut of a wife who has caused him such pain.

He knew that his daughter would never hurt him in that way. He knew with a deep sureness that with Jody, he would experience only pleasure and happiness.

"Fuck me, Daddy! I need it soooo bad!" the girl begged again.

Craig gazed down at her and knew that he had to fuck her. He felt as if he had been born to fuck her. He could hardly wait for the certain pleasure of fucking this sweet young little girl.

Suddenly, he slipped off the bed and stood at its edge.

"Daddy! What are you doing? I want you to fuck me! I want... oh, I get it!" Jody cried happily, her disappointment and confusion swiftly changing to excitement and horniness as she realized what her daddy had in mind. At first, she had been afraid that he was leaving her again.

But then, as the man stood there beside the bed, she smiled at him, thinking that they hadn't fucked in that position for a long, long time.

Jody gave her daddy a sexy little wink and moved quickly. She spread her legs wide and slipped her little cunt up to the side of the bed, lying there, totally opened up to her daddy as she had never been opened to any other man.

Craig leaned over the girl and touched her tits again, stroking them and pinching the stiff nips again and again.

"That feels good, Daddy! But please hurry! Please fuck my pussy, Daddy! Fuck it good! You know how I like it!" she groaned.

Craig grinned at the impatience of youth, and he knew that he wanted to fuck his daughter more than anything else in the world. He slipped the tip of his hard cock into her pussy.

"Ohhh, yeah, Daddy, fuck me!" Jody whimpered.

Her pussy was so tight and so wet that he slipped easily into her. Jody trembled and shivered with lust there on the bed as she felt her daddy sliding more of his prick into her. She stretched her legs wider and then she moved her legs against his body, up to his chest.

"Ohhh, yessss, fuck me, Daddy! Give me that big gorgeous cock! Pleeeease, Daddy, fuck me hard and deep! It's been so fucking long, and I want to be your woman again!" Jody cried with all the desire and love she felt for her father.

Craig gazed down at his beautiful, sexy little girl. She was crying out for him, and a father must come to the rescue of his little girl, he thought with an eager grin.

He shoved his cock deep into her cunt.

"Fuck me, Daddy! Fuck your little woman!" Jody yelled.

And then she sighed happily, for at last she was being fucked by her father again. She felt her little pussy being impaled on his long, thick cock and she moaned, beginning to writhe lewdly in the bed.

As Craig began to move back and forth, fucking his little girl, Jody trembled and moved with him, quickly catching his rhythm and fucking with him in perfect sync as no other woman had ever done.

Jesus, Craig thought, I've missed this so much! How could I have even thought of giving it up?

He pulled his prick almost all the way out of his daughter's cunt and then he thrust deep into her, helping her to wrap her legs around his body as he stood there. Then he slowly reached down and raised her up, raising her until she was completely off the bed, suspended in his arms. Her daddy was holding her now as he had held her when she was just a little baby.

Then Craig turned and sat down on the bed and his daughter began to bounce on his cock, riding him as he bucked his hips under her. He felt her soft young tits against his chest, and he groaned with desire.

"Ohh, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" Jody moaned. She felt the man's warm breath on her face and she trembled with excitement. It felt to the youngster as if her flesh were melted into her daddy's. They had become one as they fucked. And as Craig groaned and drove his prick deep into Jody's slick cunt, she sighed and cried out to him.

"Oh, Daddy! Fuck me! Fuck me harder! Deeper! Yes, Daddy just like that! Fuck your little woman! Fuck me good and hard, Daddy! Fuck your daughter! Fuck me until I come! God, I love it so much, Daddy! Fuck meeeeee!"

Craig groaned at his little girl's lewd words and he continued to shove his cock in and out of her little cunt, fucking her harder and deeper with each thrust of his huge cock.

Jody moaned in her daddy's arms, feeling as if she had died and gone to heaven. And she kept crying out to him, telling him to fuck her harder and deeper.

She clenched his big invading prick with her tight cuntmuscles, making him groan with pleasure. Craig leaned against his daughter as he continued to fuck her.

"You'll never lose me, Jody. You'll never lose your daddy. I'll always be your daddy," he groaned.

"And I'll always be your little woman, Daddy... the only woman you'll ever need."

She groaned louder and louder as she felt her father's huge cock sliding in and out of her tight, wet cunthole. Craig lowered his head and rubbed his face against his little girl's heaving tits and her nipples stiffened and throbbed against his cheeks.

Jody rocked and bounced on her daddy's lap, riding his cock as she had never ridden it before.

"Ohhh. Daddy, we were made to fuck each other. It's so right. It feels sooooo good," she sighed, echoing her father's own thought.

"I'm gonna come, baby, I'm gonna come now!" Craig groaned, hoping that he wouldn't be coming too soon for his daughter. But her eager response swept all such worries from his mind.

"Oh, goody! Come, Daddy! Come inside me!" she cried, riding her father's cock harder and faster to catch up with him.

"Commmiiinnngggg!" Craig cried only seconds later, shooting wads of creamy cum into his little girl's cunt.

The thrilling sensation of her daddy's jism gushing into her pussy pushed the girl over the edge and she came too.

"I'm coming too, Daddy!" Jody squealed as waves of incestuous orgasm washed over her.

After their orgasms subsided, the father and daughter collapsed in each other's arms and they fell into a deep, untroubled sleep.

Jody awoke a couple of hours later and she smiled at the sight of her daddy sleeping naked next to her. She moved closer to him and ran her fingers through the hairs on his chest.

She ran her hand over his body, lifting his soft cock and beginning to stroke it.

"Ohh, Daddy, I love you so much! You'll always be the only man for me," she murmured softly.

"And you'll always be the only woman for me, honey," Craig responded as he opened his eyes and smiled up at his beautiful little girl.

"Daddy! I didn't know you were awake!" Jody cried, startled but delighted by his words.

"I wasn't... until you started playing with my cock," he said with a grin.

He reached out and touched his daughter's big tits, enjoying the way they seemed to tremble against his fingers. Jody moved closer to her father and kissed him as she continued to massage his cock with one hand.

"Can I suck on your cock now, Daddy?" she asked in a sweet, soft voice.

"Sure, baby, help yourself," Craig said with another grin.

And the girl moved down the man's body, putting her face over his hardening cock. She saw that the big prick was growing harder and longer and thicker as she stroked it and she glanced up at her daddy and, winked at him.

Then Jody opened her mouth wide and took her daddy's prick into her. It was her own daddy's cock she was sucking and that made it all so much sweeter and more exciting to her.

She slid her mouth farther down, taking his entire prick into her mouth. She could feel his broad cockhead battering the back of her throat and she turned on beyond belief.

"Obhh, yeah, baby, suck your daddy's cock! Suck it good and hard, baby, just like my good, sweet little woman," Craig groaned in a deep masculine voice.

Jody knew that she was good at sucking cock, and she was thrilled to be able to please her own daddy this way. As she continued to suck him off, her father moved his fingers to her wet pussy, fingering her, stroking her, getting her little cunt wetter and hotter with each passing second.

In a matter of minutes, the young teenager felt her daddy's cock lurching wildly from inner cheek to inner cheek, and she knew that he was about to come.

"Mmmfff," she moaned excitedly, longing for the moment when she would feel her daddy's thick, sweet cum pouring down her thirsty throat.

Craig continued to stroke his daughter's pussy, pinching her little clit hard, bringing her to the brink of orgasm, just as he was.

"Unnhhh, commmiiiinnnngg!" he groaned seconds later as he came inside his little girl's mouth.

"Ummmffff," Jody moaned again as her own orgasm crashed through her loins.

After they both finished coming, Jody slipped her mouth off her daddy's still-hard cock and grinned excitedly at him.

"Now... fuck me again, Daddy! I have to have your big cock up my horny little pussy!" she moaned as her father moved over her, and she lay back on the bed.

Jody looked down at the huge prick that her daddy had ready for her cunt and she felt a tremor of lust and happiness shoot through her. She could think of nothing better than fucking with her beloved daddy.

"Fuck my pink little pussy, Daddy," she said, lifting her legs and opening her pussylips with her fingers. "Fuck me and make me come, Daddy! You know how to do it!"

Yes, Craig Madison thought, he did know just how to make this little girl come. He knew her and her sexual needs better than he had ever known his wife's, he realized. But after all, he told himself, I'm her father. It's only right that I should know her better than anyone else.

He worked the head of his cock into her wet pussy and she moaned with incestuous pleasure. Then she moved her fingers away from her cunt and stretched her arms high over her head.

When she did that, her big tits thrust out even more from her chest, appearing even larger. As Craig drove his cock into his daughter, he moved his face down and he licked her tits.

"Ohhhh, that's good!" Jody cried, jerking with delight.

Again, Craig licked his little girl's tits until both of the mounds were shiny and slick with his saliva.

"Ohhhh, fuck me, Daddy," she groaned, "fuck me and make me come!"

Craig groaned as he moved his big prick in and out of his little girl's sweet, tight pussy. Jody lifted her legs and bent them at her knees, just as her daddy had taught her to do when he had given her, her very first fuck. She rocked beneath him, moving with him, fucking back at him in perfect, sweet harmony.

She closed her eyes, turned her face to one side, and smiled with supreme happiness. She was beside herself with lust and pleasure. And she knew that she could never feel a more exciting, more delicious sensation than having her own daddy's cock deep in her pussy.

She continued to rock beneath him, giving him every single part of herself. This is the kind of fucking that every little girl needs, she thought excitedly. And she knew that she was very, very lucky to have such a great daddy who would give her the kind of fucking she so desperately needed.

She turned her face back toward her father and smiled up at him as she opened her eves.

She saw her daddy smiling down at her and she felt his hard prick moving in and out of her pussy, and she knew that the lusty heat that she felt inside her was also inside her daddy.

"Daddy," she murmured huskily, "we'll always be together from now on, won't we? We'll share everything, and we won't need anyone else."

"That's right, my pretty little baby. I'm lucky to have such a sexy little girl for my very own daughter. And from now on, I need only you," Craig responded sincerely.

Then the father and daughter began to fuck each other in earnest. Soon the room was filled with moans and sighs of passion, the kind of sounds that came with lust... incestuous lust.

Their fuck was all the more exciting to Craig and Jody as they realized that they were always going to be together in this way... in this most important of all ways. As they continued to fuck each other, both father and daughter knew that this was the beginning of a new, more intimate, and more satisfying relationship for them.

Even though fucking each other had made them feel closer months ago, this time it was different. This time, they had made a real commitment to each other. This time, they had admitted that Terri would never return to her family.

And this time, they knew that they didn't want or need her any longer. They had finally realized that they needed only each other; and that was what made this particular fuck session so special and so thrilling.

"Ohhhh, Daddy," Jody moaned, "fuck me! Fuck me harder, Daddy! I love your cock soooo fuckin' much!"

Craig grinned down at his little girl. Those words were what every father longed to hear his daughter say. And he slammed his cock into her again and again.

The teenager rocked with her father and fucked back at him, trembling as his big cock moved in and out of her. She knew that he would never leave her again, and that they would always be together from this moment on. That thought made her feel happier than she had ever felt before.

"Ohhhhhhh, Daddy," she groaned, "I'm gonna come soon! Your big cock always knows how to make me come! I want you to come with me, Daddy! Come with me! Come inside my pussy, Daddy! I want to feel your warm cum shooting into my pussy and spreading through me... ohhhh, fuck me, fuck me, come in me, Daddy!"

Craig knew that from now on, he would do just what his little girl wanted him to do. He would do whatever it took to make her happy from now. He would be the best kind of father. He would make his sexy daughter the happiest little girl in the whole world.

Suddenly, he paused. He stopped fucking, his cock still buried balls-deep in his daughter's cunt.

"Before... before we come... there's something I have to confess to you," he panted.

"What-what is it, Daddy?" Jody asked, looking up at him with her flushed face and lust glazed eyes. She had to wonder just what on earth could be more important than coming together at that moment.

"I-I hope you won't be angry with me, honey. But, my prostrate gland problem was cleared up a long time ago! I didn't tell you because I didn't want our fucking to end!" Craig confessed, hoping against hope that his words would not turn his daughter against him.

"Oh, Daddy, my silly, sweet Daddy! I have something to confess too! I was concerned about your health so I called your doctor and talked to him. He told me there's nothing wrong with your prostate gland anymore! So, see, Daddy, I've known for a long time, too! But I didn't want you to know that I knew 'cause I didn't want our fucking to end either!" Jody said.

Craig began to fuck his cock in and out of Jody's pussy again, and after only a few strokes, the father and daughter came together.

Later, as they lay in each other's arms, Jody ran her hands over her daddy's chest and spoke softly into his ear.

"Daddy, are you sure you're really one hundred percent okay now? Is that what the doctor told you?"

"I'm sure, baby. He said he was amazed by how fast my condition cleared up, and he said I must have had a lot more orgasms than he had thought possible to put me in such good health. Of course, he did say, too, that I have to be sure to still come rather frequently so I can remain in good health," Craig said, winking at his little girl.

"Oh, I don't think we have to worry about that, Daddy," Jody purred, winking back at her daddy, "your little girl will always take good care of you and make sure that you have all the orgasms you need!"

THE END

27 notes · View notes

suchalonelysunflower · 3 years

Text

Babylon (l.h)

End Up Here -Part 5

Pairing: Luke Hemmings x 5sos! Fem! Reader

Summary: A lot has happened and too many things were left unsaid. Even after a month they still find ways to be in each others mind.

Warnings: Angst and smut. Mentions of vioence, physical abuse, mental abuse, sexual abuse, harassment, cheating, fighting, sexism, frustrations, alcohol. Language and some grammatical errors (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word count : 10.1 k

Author’s Note: I cried a lot writing this, so I’m sorry. Final Part coming up March 16th! Remember that Reblogs, Feedback, Comments and Likes are very important! You have no idea how much they help me ❤️ Hope you like it and Happy Reading 🦋🌻✨

My Materialist // wanna be part of my tag list?

Series Materialist || part 1 || part 2 || part 3 || part 4

Liked by banksmadden, 5soslover55 and 1,750,316 others

yn5sos how did I end up here?

View all 55,432 comments

ashtonirwin who’s there with you?

hater7 pathetic

ynfan2 LEAVE HER ALONE PLEASE

5sosfan9 this is so irresponsible. I thought you were better.

↪️ yn5sos me too

“OUT OF CONTROL: Singer Y/N L/N seeing partying once again after the concert. L/N was last seen with a crowd of people, none of which were her bandmates”

“Sensitive, are we? On their last concert, Y/N L/N from the band 5 Seconds of Summer was caught running away from the stage mid-show, leaving her poor bandmates Calum Hood and Michael Clifford to finish the song for her. L/N came back minutes later to finish the show. Videos show the singer crying along to the love songs”

“5SOS BREAKING UP? SINGER Y/N L/N GOING M.I.A ON BAND’S SOCIAL MEDIA LEAVES FANS CONFUSED AND WORRIED”

“Y/N?!” Ashton kept banging at the door. His patience ran thin as the girl refused to answer “Y/N! C’mon!”

“She’s still not answering?” A voice called behind him.

Calum and Michael were already dressed up, ready for another day of interviews in a foreign language. Ashton assumed that the girls were already downstairs waiting for them.

The older man shook his head, frustration clear on his face as he kept banging on the door like it was his drums.

“Y/N, I will break down the door if you don’t open it!”

It wasn’t an empty promise. They could pay the hotel after but he’d be damned if something happens to Y/N.

She hasn’t been herself since Luke left. When they came back from doing promo that day they were met with the news of him leaving. Y/N didn’t leave her room that whole day.

They were mad, furious even, with Luke. All the things they warned him about were thrown down the drain. They told them not to believe the media and to talk to Y/N but he did none of those things, he only made it worse for all of them, especially the girl who was now spending half the tour absent-minded over heartbreak.

She told them several times that she was fine “I asked him to leave” She would say. But they know better than to believe her right away when she says those stuff, not after that night when she told them the truth about Madden. They swore never to make that mistake again, but history was repeating itself! Only this time it was ten times worse.

Y/N would go out every night after the show, no matter in which part of the world they found themselves in. She was determined to drown herself in alcohol rather than self-pity. They tried to spot her several times but she wouldn’t listen, so they agreed that at least one of them would accompany her whenever she went out just to make sure that she is safe and that she doesn’t go too far.

Last night, however, it was Michael’s turn but Beth felt sick so he couldn't go. He texted Calum, but he was already asleep so he didn’t see the message. Ashton was out with Dani for a date night and when he came back he found Michael in the lobby asking for some medicine for Beth’s stomach and when Calum answered their call with a sleepy voice they realized that Y/N was alone.

And now she wouldn’t answer the door.

“Y/N, I swear to God!”

“Why do you gotta bring the lord into this?”

The three men turned around and found Y/N standing next to them. Her hair was messy and her makeup was smudged, but his eyes remained empty as she looked at them quizzically.

“Were you already downstairs this whole time?!” Ashton asked, raising his voice. Y/N cringed as she shushed him.

“Ugh, could you talk any louder? My head is killing me”

Calum looked at his friend up and down, realizing what was happening “You just came back, didn’t you?”

All three of them turned their heads to her, unable to believe what was in front of them. This wasn’t the Y/N they knew. She was never like this, ever.

Y/N rolled her eyes at the sad, angry, and pitiful looks of her friends. She didn’t need to answer what was obvious.

“Where were you all this time?” Michael asked “We were worried sick”

“Wow, thanks dad,” She said with sarcasm, walking towards her door as she tried to find her key somewhere along with her pockets “I was at the bar. Did you know they open 24 hs? There’s no such thing as the last call here! I love this country”

She let out a little squeal of joy when she finally found her key, pushing Ashton out of the way with the side of her body as she inserted it on the lock.

“We have an interview in 30 minutes!” He reminded her.

“Yeah, your girl told me that downstairs” She answered before she started to close the door “Have fun with that”

But before she could close it completely, Ashton’s foot got in the way.

“You can’t keep doing this, Y/N,” He said with a serious tone, ignoring the pain of the door hitting his foot, still trying to close on him.

Y/N pushed a little harder “I want to sleep, Ashton. Good night”

“No! Goddammit, Y/N. This has gone too far!”

She opened the door, making Ashton trip, and almost fell to the floor in front of her. She was beyond pissed as she began to talk.

“No! Everything has already gone too far, I’m just catching up!” She spat loudly, making the boys look at her in surprise “Madden went too far, the media went too far, the industry went too far and Luke went too far. And I let them crash into me like I’m just a bystander, waiting to pick up the pieces they left of me! So excuse me for finally doing whatever they thought I did. Forgive me for catching up to this fucked up world and finally live up to their false expectations! But I’m not allowed to break down, not right now and probably not ever! So I will keep running. Maybe that way, if I catch up, they’ll leave me the fuck alone” Her eyes filled with tears as she spoke, but she will not cry in front of them. Not anymore “So, good fucking night”

Ashton closed his eyes when he felt the wind of the door slamming inches away from his face. He raised his hand to knock again, but soon he let it fall with a sigh.

He turned around to face the guys and they all had the same hurt expression, not because she hurt them, but because she was hurting herself. They all thought she was doing it unconsciously, but now it was rather obvious that she knew exactly what she was doing.

Y/N is destroying herself because there’s almost nothing left of her. So she’s speeding up the process.

“We can’t leave her like that” Michael said in a whisper, none of them were looking at the door right now, all their eyes were set on the floor as they contemplated their options.

“Well, she doesn’t want to see us. That’s for fucking sure” Calum murmured.

The three men stood in silence in the hallway. Breathing heavily from time to time as their minds tried to find a way to reach out to Y/N before it was too late.

“We have to do something” Michael broke the silence again, fidgeting with his fingers as he met the worried eyes of his two best friends “The fans are already saying that she’s going to leave the band and-“

“No,” Ashton interrupted him, clenching his jaw as the headlines of the articles ran through his mind “We are not letting that happen”

“But what if she wants to?”

“Then that’s not our Y/N/N,” He said “And I refuse to lose her this way or in any way, for that matter”

After a few minutes, it was clear that Y/N was not coming out of her room any time soon. So the boys had to get downstairs to get to the interviews, already thinking about excuses to justify her absence once again.

They wanted to stay with her, but management was already being too hard on them as it is, and they didn’t want Y/N to pay the consequences if they didn’t show up to at least one promo interview. So they had no choice but to leave her alone in her room.

Once the elevator doors opened, the three of them were met with the worried eyes of their girlfriends who quickly met up with them halfway.

“How is she doing? She didn’t speak to us when she came through the doors” Bethany explained as she stood next to Michael, grabbing his hand in comfort.

Ashton just shook his head.

“We talked,” Kat said with a sigh “We decided that we are staying here with her”

“What?”

“You’ll be fine in the interviews without us, but she needs someone. Even if we just wait for her in the lobby all day. Someone needs to check up on her” Kat continued.

“She’s lonely,” Danielle followed, “Even if she doesn’t want to admit it. She’s hurting too much for words to even describe”

The boys knew they were right. Even if Y/N doesn’t want to, they will still be there for her every step of the way. They were not going to leave her to drown.

“Thank you,” Ashton said, truthfully “But there’s gotta be something else we could do for her… just standing by and keeping an eye on her while she wastes away is just…”

He couldn’t finish the sentence, he didn’t need to. They all knew what he was referring to; that damn feeling of helplessness and hopelessness.

“We’ll figure something out,” Calum said confidently “We are not going to give up on her”

There was nothing much to do back in L.A. as Luke found out when he stepped out of the plane almost a month ago. His life has completely changed since he met her and now… Now she was gone and he was left with nothing.

It was his own fault, that’s what he reminded himself every single day since the morning Y/N asked him to leave. He acted on emotions rather than with reason, angry with the world that allowed him to get close to her just to rip her out of his hands the moment he realized his mistakes. He should’ve listened, should’ve fought, should’ve stayed. He should’ve done a lot of things and now he doesn’t even have the chance to fix it.

He hasn’t checked anything about Y/N since he came back. No articles, no tweets, no posts… nothing. He feels as if he didn’t have the right anymore. He never had the right to do it from the beginning, not without letting them fill his brains with lies that eventually left him in pieces.

How could he? How could he let all those things get to him? Everyone told him to ignore them, not to believe the lies that were written for the clicks and the gossip. He knew the truth, he lived with it, and yet, he had turned on her the second it had become too much.

Y/N was a private person and Luke could never understand why. Why if she was so private with her life did every news article write about her? They were all lies. And if he had at least an ounce of decency he would’ve realized that sooner and stand by her side instead of siding with the media. Yet, those thoughts were sticking with him at the back of his head, haunting him even in his sleep.

How easy it was for him to turn away from her. How easy it was for him to leave her. But how hard it was to ignore the love he feels for her, knowing that she won’t take him back and with good reason. Y/N deserves better, in every way, shape, or form. She was such a bright light in such a dark world, and he just hopes she will be strong enough to see it someday, even if he’s not by her side anymore.

God, he was just a fucking idiot.

And now, as he walked past the coffee shop where they first met while he fought the urge to cry again, he was willing to beat himself up for it. For losing the only person he cared about just because he wasn’t brave enough to fight for her as he should’ve. There wasn’t anything that didn’t remind him of Y/N, nothing he could do to shake the self-inflicted pain he caused, so he thought better than to let it consume him.

Luke sat on an empty bench near the campus, his classes didn’t start until a month from today but he longed for some kind of distraction. Once he settled, he took out his notebook and started writing. He doesn’t write about love anymore, rather he wrote about the loss of it while still mourning it fresh on the flesh. Finally understanding what Ashton meant when he said that heartbreak breaks you, and, for a moment, he thought about how she might feel at this moment; if she, at least once, thought of him with something wasn’t hate.

He spent hours sitting outdoors, writing as if his time were to end at any moment. He wrote letters of forgiveness, poems of grief, and free thoughts of the guilt he was feeling. He didn’t mention her, but they were all about and for her. For his Y/N who was now a world away and who he will not call his ever again.

It must’ve been late when his phone started to ring; the streetlights were starting to lit up the pavement as the sun started to set, leaving soft shades of pink and purple to cover up the sky. He didn’t know the number, so he let it ring thinking it might be just one company trying to sell him something he didn’t need.

But the unknown caller was relentless; calling and calling until Luke decided to answer after the fourth time.

“Hello?” He said, annoyed by the interruption. He didn’t want to talk to anyone; not like he had anyone to talk to, after all.

“You fucker” The voice at the other end said. Luke froze when he recognized it.

“A-Ashton?”

“Were you expecting the fucking queen?” He sounded angry and even through the phone he left Luke completely intimidated as he sunk into his seat.

“How - Whose number is this?” Luke asked, knowing he had all their numbers saved in his phone.

“Would you have answered if you saw my name on the screen?” He wouldn’t, they both know it. But at the same time…

“Why are you calling me?” He finally muttered, his head wrapped around the only reason Ashton, out of all people, would be calling him. He knew it was not to catch up “Is Y/N okay?! Did something happen to her?!”

Something must be terribly wrong if Ashton was calling him. That man was very protective over his best friend and Luke was sure he would’ve killed him if he found him the day where he yelled at her, knowing that Y/N must’ve told him everything. He knew Y/N was not going to forgive him and neither will the boys for that matter. That day he lost more than just his girl.

Ashton laughed without any kind of humor “No, she’s not. Of course, she’s not! You happened to her, mate. I don’t know what the fuck you did but she hasn’t been the same since you left.”

Luke’s eyes widened “She didn’t tell you?”

If he thought about it, it really wasn’t that surprising. Y/N never talked about her problems with him, but the boys always knew everything, them being the only people she knew she could trust with her whole heart. Luke had always been jealous of that, but once he found out the truth of why she kept some things for herself he understood why she could only trust her bandmates with it. He immediately thought that she would tell them everything, every word he said and the hateful words he wrote, but she didn’t and that could not mean anything good.

“She told us enough. That you believed the lies of her and Madden and didn’t let her explain before you lashed out and she asked you to leave. Not a single detail about it, only that you were gone and were not coming back. I guess she didn’t want us to kick your ass, but Luke, you better be certain that-”

“I know!” Luke said with a sigh “I deserve it”

“Dude, what the fuck did you do to her?”

How could he tell him? How could he mutter the courage to tell one of his best friends how he absolutely fucked up? Ashton would hate him, with every reason in the world he should hate him. Luke just hoped that he didn’t.

He, Calum, and Michael were the only friends he knew since he met Y/N. They took him in, welcomed him into the group with gritted teeth with the only condition to never hurt their friend. And after a year of being friends, he broke not only Y/N’s trust but theirs as well. And the fact that Y/N didn’t tell them what he’d done seemed cruel because now he had to. Breaking more hearts than their own.

“I fucked up, Ash” Luke muttered, rubbing his eyes with his fingertips as he crouched forward on the bench and placing his elbows on the top of his thighs, getting ready to face the consequences of his actions “I fucked up badly. I was just- You saw those articles, you saw those tweets and those photos. She never talked about him so I thought… What was I supposed to think? She had a reputation, and with the way, she acted the night before it all made sense to me. So I snapped”

“Luke, I swear to GOD if you touched her-”

“NO! God no, I would never!” Luke quickly stated, horrified at the thought of ever hitting her. He was not like that. He would never be like that “But the things I said to her… fuck, Ash. I threw everything in her face, called her a whore and a cheater without giving her a chance to explain herself. I was so fucking angry and she didn’t say a word. She took all of it in silence and I kept going, even when she begged me to stop I kept going... I didn’t know. You must know that I didn’t know what happened to her or her past with Madden. If I knew then I would’ve never-”

“But you did”

Ashton's words were simple, but they cut deeper than a knife through Luke’s heart. He never heard him sound so disappointed and angry. It reminded him of her and the last words she said to him.

“Luke, this girl has been through so much and you still went and dragged her through the mud just to hurt her”

“I didn’t want to-”

“Don’t fucking interrupt me” Ashton barked into the phone “You did. She gave you everything she could give and you threw it on her face like it was nothing without a chance to explain herself. And it’s not like she could run off, turn off her comments and go back to a normal life! I have never seen Y/N so broken since-” He stopped “What did she tell you?”

Luke knew he was referring to Madden. He remembers her face covered in tears, lips trembling and body shaking as she told him what happened in that relationship. He finally saw the hurt and scars that covered her soul.

“She told me what she could”

Ashton sighed “Then you must know that she would never go back to him,” He said, Luke could tell by his voice that he was hurting, too “He met her at a concert in our second world tour as a solo act. He is the son of a very famous producer and they hit it off right away. We didn’t know exactly when things turned for the worse, but we knew something was happening. She would cover herself more, never hanging out with us unless he was present, she wouldn’t eat in front of him or talk to any of us directly unless it was something about work and that still pissed him off. We all heard the rumors of him cheating on her, but she always dismissed them saying that he loved her and he would never do that. I still wonder what other things we didn’t know that she’s still processing.

It wasn’t until the night he almost killed her that we understood the severity of it. She came by my house while I and the others were hanging out. She was bleeding all over herself, her face was covered in blood just as her shirt and pants. It was terrifying; I don’t remember ever driving that far to the hospital, paying the nurses to keep quiet because she kept asking to keep it a secret. That bastard broke her nose and one of her ribs. She had bruises on her arms, stomach, eye, inner thighs, and legs and a cut over her eyebrow. She lost a lot of blood on her way to my house so Calum had to donate some of his because she needed a transfusion. She stayed in the hospital overnight; the next morning we filed a restraining order against Madden and she moved in with me that same day, promising herself and to us that she would never let someone do that again to her. We promise we would never let anything happen to her from that moment on”

Luke was shedding silent tears at Ashton’s story, all the things he imagined happened to her didn’t compare to the reality she suffered. And he only made it worse.

“She was never the same after that” Ashton continued “Until you came into the picture”

Ashton could hear Luke crying over the phone, his sniffs had given him away. But he knew he needed to hear this; he needed to know.

“We didn’t want you to get close to her, afraid you might hurt her the same way Madden did, but she insisted that you were different, that you were a good guy. And against our better judgment, we believed her. We never expected that little by little, we would get our Y/N/N back. She was smiling again, laughing and singing songs about the love we never thought she’d be able to sing again. It was so obvious that she loved you that we couldn't do anything about it but be happy for her, you brought her back to us.

I guess Madden saw that and didn’t like it, that’s why he came to see her that night. We don’t know much about what happened there or what he said to her, but she was shaking when she came back. All she said was that he cornered her, threatened her and called the paparazzi that worked for his father to take pictures of them, and since we were not in America, there was nothing the restraining order to do to help her”

“He did what?!” Luke shouted at the phone, fuming over the fact that that fucker decided to get close to her when she was vulnerable. He promised that if he ever saw him he’d kill him.

“Now you care about what happened?” Ashton asked in return, frustration lacing his voice at Luke’s sudden feeling of protection “Luke, she called you over ten times that day as she was breaking down in the green room. She asked us all if we could get ahold of you because the driver came back without you. She was so fucking scared and you weren’t there when she needed you by her side. So don’t you fucking dare get offended right now. It already happened and you weren’t there”

Ashton was right. Luke had no right to be furious at the moment, given that he was the one who abandoned her deliberately when he saw the pictures of her and her abuser. He had the excuse of ignorance, but that wasn’t enough. It never has, not it ever will be, because his girlfriend needed him at the time and he left her alone.

He cried into the phone, not caring if Ashton could listen or not. He was so fucking angry at himself, at Madden, at the world… He was supposed to protect her, he said he would and then he gave the final punch. He failed her because of his insecurities.

“I’m sorry” He cried, but Ashton was having none of that.

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing for”

“She doesn’t want to-”

“Listen to me you shit” Ashton hissed into the phone “I don’t care what you think she wants. She is destroying herself over the fact that the last person she thought would hurt her left her because he chose to believe the lies of the media over his own girlfriend”

Luke’s heart broke all over again “She’s what?”

“Oh my god, how dense are you, dude? Now you decide to ignore the gossip?! She’s been going out all night, drinking herself to death and refusing help from any of us. She is slowly killing herself by killing her soul” He sounded worried, scared even, as he muttered the last words “We are losing her”

“Wh-what can I do?” Luke asked helplessly. Not being able to bear the thought of Y/N being gone.

“We booked you a flight. Figure it out and don’t make us regret it”

“Forgetting the lyrics again? Y/N L/N surely knows how to displease an audience”

“Y/N L/N MISSES YET ANOTHER INTERVIEW AFTER PAPARAZZI CAUGHT HER AT A PARTY THE NIGHT BEFORE”

“What is going on with YN?”

He arrived late to the hotel, having his flight delayed for a few hours, and the boys were already waiting for him in the lobby. Luke took a deep breath as he spotted them from afar, they were talking among them, concerned looks covering their expressions as they looked through their phone.

Luke walked up to them, mustering enough courage to say “Hi,”

The three men turned towards the blonde, Calum quickly walking up to him and punching him in the face, caught Luke by surprise as he backed up holding his nose and looking at Calum with widened, surprised eyes.

“That’s for hurting my best friend, you asshole!” He said, making the other guests look in their direction.

Luke hissed as he made sure he wasn’t bleeding “Thank you. I deserved that” He said, blinking twice “But to be honest I was expecting Ashton to deliver the blow”

“Calum won at rock, paper, scissors” Ashton shrugged “But that doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. We still need to have a serious talk and I might punch you there”

Luke nodded, understanding that he did not only fail Y/N, but he also failed them. He promised them that he would take care of their best friend and they believed him. They even helped them get together and served as trust advisers for Luke about what it means to date a celebrity and yet he ignored every single one of them.

He might never get their trust back, but now they needed to focus on other things more important than that.

“Where is she?” He asked.

“Out,” Michael answered “The girls went with her. We don’t want her to be alone when she’s drunk”

They started walking towards the door, getting into the car that would take them to Y/N and the rest of the girls. “Do you know what you will say to her when you see her?” Calum asked.

“No,” Luke answered honestly “I guess I’ll know then”

“And you better not fuck it up again, Hemmings, or I swear it’s going to be the last thing you do”

The dance floor was crowded. People were dancing one against the other as the beats of the songs reverberated all over their bodies and started the flame of having just one night of fun. Among them it was Y/N, dancing in the corner with her friends and ignoring their concerned eyes as she moved freely thanks to the alcohol that was cursing through her veins. She knew she had to wake up soon, but she just wanted to keep living this dream every night instead of facing the nightmares that would come in the morning.

She missed how easy everything was before that night when the nightmare started. When she couldn’t find Luke in the crowd of their concert nor their bedroom late at night. Now she doesn’t even want to go to sleep, knowing that she won’t find him there ever again, all because she asked him to leave.

But he wanted to leave, even before she asked him he was already getting his stuff to leave her “cheating ass”, writing words that describe their relationship as toxic. Is that what it was? Were they toxic or just scared? She couldn’t tell the difference anymore, not after spending night after night trying to erase those words out of her mind, but they were already scared forever in her skin. She promised herself she would carry them as a battle wound, as proof that no matter what you do, you could never win when the whole world seems against you even when you have done nothing wrong… Unlike now.

She knew what she was doing, she knew she was disappointing a lot of people. She was disappointed in herself, too, but she couldn’t stop. The world was finally telling truths about her and it felt nice to at least have that. They denied her the truths for so long, feeding everyone lies that they would believe without hesitation or her explanation, just like Luke did, and now she was finally acting like people supposed she had. Now, at least she had control over that.

She wondered if Luke ever thinks about her. If he’s forgiven her for whatever he thinks she’s done or if he continues to read the articles and rejoice in the fact that he was right, even when he wasn’t, he was right. Maybe he’d be proud?

“Darling, are you alright?” She heard Bethany shout over the music. All the girls were looking at her. She didn’t realize she stopped dancing.

However, she just nodded “I’m going to get more drinks!” She said, faking a smile even though the girls could tell that she was crying. But she was so far out she couldn’t even feel the tears that rolled down her cheek.

Y/N gripped the marble countertop of the bar, trying to hold herself steady. She was thinking again, she didn’t want to think anymore. She ordered two shots of tequila and drowned them down before asking for two more. But before she could drown the fourth one, someone snatches the drink out of her hand.

“Heeey” She slurred “Don’t get between me and my- oh, hello!” She smiled happily at the stranger who took her drink from her “You look a lot like my ex-boyfriend”

Luke’s eyes widened at the word. She has never called him her boyfriend in front of people before. He glanced behind her and saw Michael, Ashton, and Calum already standing next to their girls, nodding encouragingly at him.

“Ex-boyfriend?” He asked, eyes meeting hers and noticing the glimmer of tears in them. But she kept on smiling and nodding before she started to pout.

“But shhhhh,” She said, laying her head on the counter, almost like she wanted to take a nap “It’s a secret. No one knows we’re together… or were together. They will never leave him alone if they find out”

“Who?”

Y/N looked to the sides, almost as if making sure no one was listening before she leaned into him and whispered “The media,” Then she started to giggle “If they found out I have a boyfriend then they will want to know everything about him! And poor Luke wouldn’t be able to handle that, he shouldn’t go through that”

Luke’s heart broke at the sight of the drunk girl sighing in the bar, holding her empty shot glass and sniffing every other word to stop the tears from falling.

“He doesn’t deserve that, the hate. He’s a good guy, a little shy and awkward, but he’s nice. But the media is cruel and a liar, and I don’t want him to feel baaaaad. How stupid it is that because I love someone they should get hated on, right? Hahaha, I just wanted to protect hiiiim, cause I love him sooo so much. I even protected him from my friends! You know?! I never told them what he did to me in case they wanted to keep their friendship going, Luke is a very shy guy and he loved them very muchhh, I couldn't take that from him"

“Even if he hurt you?” Luke’s words were careful and filled with pain. When the boys told him that she was getting drunk each night he never imagined her this far gone. He never imagined her this sad.

Y/N shook his head “I deserved to get, hic, hurt” She said between hiccups “He said I was a cheating whore monster liar, b-b-but I don’t blame himmmm. I’m sad but at least he doesn’t have to deal with me anymore and this BULLSHIT” She yelled, throwing her hands up to the sky. But then she started crying, sobbing as she tumbled backward before Luke caught her.

Luke was trying to contain his own tears as she sobbed into his embrace “I just want to tell him that I’m sorry I couldn’t protect him from myself” She cried “I wanted to be happy with him but we are both sad and toxic for each other. That’s what he said in his poem. I-I-I just w-want him to be ha-happy”

Luke cried as he held her, burying his face into her hair as both of their bodies trembled. Even when she had every right to hate him, she still wants to protect him. Something he should’ve done.

“I’m so sorry, my love” He cried, making Y/N look at him with worried, tearful eyes.

“Oh, don’t cry, stranger,” She said as she cupped his face and wiped his tears “I’m sad but you should be happy!”

“Why?”

“C-cause you’re not me”

Luke stared into her eyes, she was smiling while the tears kept falling. Even at her lowest, she tried to be strong for everyone around her, even the stranger she thought he was. He pressed his lips on a thin line and nodded, hugging her tighter as if he was trying to hold on to the last piece of her that didn’t show coldness to him before she remembers everything in the morning. At least he would hold her one more time.

Y/N didn’t understand much of what was happening but she returned the hug with the same energy, letting the stranger cry into her shoulder as she rubbed his back with her fingertips, wondering what Luke was doing right now. She decided that she didn’t want to know.

“I want to sleep,” She said after a minute of holding the man.

Luke pulled away from her, wiping his tears as he nodded “Then let’s get you to bed, my love”

She shook his head, pulling on his hand as he tried to walk them out of the club “But Luke won’t be there when I wake up”

All the wind was knocked out of his lungs, did she want him there? “I’ll be there,” He said.

“What?”

“He’ll be there. I promise”

Luke gave one last look at the group. They were all staring at him with worried and hopeful eyes, actually surprised that this didn’t end badly just yet. Luke nodded at them and pulled Y/N with him, the rest of the guys followed him into the car as they made their way back to the hotel.

Y/N slept all the way back, her head was placed in Luke’s shoulder as the blond kept staring at her, silent tears still dying on his cheek. The guilt was eating him alive; it was painful to see her this way, but at the same time he knew that she was at peace as she slept, letting the world fade for at least a few minutes before reality came crashing down.

When they reached the hotel, Luke carried her back into her room. He sat her down on the bed and started to take off her shoes as she lazily rubbed the tiredness from her eyes, suddenly waking up for a moment.

“Luke?” She asked. Luke raised his head and was met with her eyes already locked with his, a glaze of new tears adorned her pupils as she whispered “Am I dreaming right now?”

“No,” He answered, voice as soft as hers as he got up and placed a kiss on the top of her head “No, you’re not, darling”

“Good. I always hate to wake up without you there” She said, looking over her shoulder to the empty side where Luke used to sleep.

They both stayed quiet for the rest of the night. Luke took off her silk shirt and leather pants and helped her put on one of the big shirts she’s used to sleeping in. He wiped the makeup off her face and followed her nighttime routine without missing a step. When she was done, she curled up to her side and quickly fell into a deep slumber.

Luke stared at the girl, his heart aching for her as he saw how fragile she looked while she slept. He thought about all the things she said that night, how he never considered her side of the story before. How he just assumed that she was hiding him because she didn’t want people to find out she was taken when in reality she didn’t want people to hurt him the way they hurt her. The way he hurt her.

Tears started to pick up in his eyes again. He hated to cry but there was nothing else he could do at the moment. Everything became too much too fast and he didn’t know if he could fix it. So all he could do was cry for the girl he loves and the girl he lost, not knowing if she would ever come back to him.

“I’m sorry” He whispered in a quiet sob, getting into bed with her and holding her close “I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m sorry, my love” He kept murmuring into her hair until sleep claimed him as well.

The next morning Y/N wakes up in her hotel bed but she doesn’t know how she got there. She looks to her side but the bed is empty, yet she finds an aspirin and a bottle of water in her nightstand. She wonders who was the poor soul that had to go with her last night to make sure she doesn't end up drunk in a ditch, at least they succeeded.

Then she hears water running up in the bathroom and her heart sinks. Did she bring someone here last night? No, she wouldn’t do that. But she was very drunk… Oh my god, what did she do?

Luke could hear her shuffling in the bed as he brushed his teeth. “It is now or never,” He thought, but he didn’t know what he would find behind the door. She didn’t know him yesterday, but today was another story and Luke’s heart shrank at the thought of Y/N hating him for coming back, even if it was to apologize to her. He was terrified, but he was tired of running away.

As soon as he opened the door he was met with Y/N’s surprised gaze. The girl was quick to cover herself up, cheeks tinted red at the sight of her ex-boyfriend in her hotel room. She didn’t miss the flash of hurt that ran through his face when she did that.

“Luke…” She said in one breath, suddenly feeling self-conscious by his presence “What are you- Did we-?”

“No,” He answered quickly, stepping closer to the bed “No, we didn’t. You were drunk and I- You know I would never do that to you”

“I thought we didn’t know each other…”

Her words lingered in the air between them, creating a tension that could be cut with a knife. How fast did they become strangers when they used to know every single cardinal point of their bodies, every breath they took and what they meant, every sigh, every look… Now they were just two people in a room with so much to say but with no words coming out of either of their mouths.

Luke noticed how her eyes changed. While they were no longer filled with tears, they now laid emotionless in front of him, dull and empty as she stared at him.

“I did this to her,” He thought “I took the light of her eyes. It’s my fault”

She cleared her throat, breaking the silence as she spoke “Well, thank you for bringing me here last night. You can go now” She said, tearing her eyes away from him as she sat on her edge of the bed.

Luke stood still “No,”

“I’m asking you to leave” Y/N clarified, her voice growing stronger but still a bit sore.

“And I’m telling you I’m not going” He responded, taking tentative steps towards her “Something I should’ve done all those weeks ago”

He was standing in front of her in a matter of seconds; he crouched to meet her eyes but she quickly turned her face away “Y/N, please” He begged, his hand coming to rest on her cheek as his knuckles caressed her skin while the other one was placed on top of her hands, both intertwined with each other on top of her thighs “You could look at me yesterday, please don’t deny me at least that. Let me see you, my love”

But Y/N didn’t move, her face stayed turned to the side with her hair covering most of it. She couldn’t look at him, she just couldn’t. It was too hard, too painful. Luke sighed.

“Okay, it’s okay. You don’t have to, but at least listen to me, yeah? I just- I need you to listen, Y/N, please” He pleaded, placing both hands on top of hers “Y/N, I love you”

The knot in his throat became tighter as he noticed how the veins of her neck tensed and she started to grip her hands tighter. But she needed to hear this, and even though it hurt to see her like that, he continued.

“I love you. I love you. I love you” He said, voice breaking at the end, impossible to fight that choking feeling in his throat “I loved you since the moment I saw you. You were all dressed up in Calum‘s clothes and you had a pen in your hair, and I thought you were the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, but you were so nervous about trying to clean the coffee you spilled that you didn’t even notice I fell for you without knowing your name” He let out a tearful chuckle “I started to fall that day and I haven’t stopped, not even for a second. Y/N you are- You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I was an idiot for not seeing that. I don’t know what I have to do for you to forgive me, but I’ll do anything, my love. Anything to make it better. Cause I followed you blindly from the start, and I’m so sorry I let you down. I’m so, so fucking sorry that I let my insecurities come in our way. I love you, even then I never stopped loving you”

He could see how her chin started to tremble, she was trying to hold off the tears as much as him “I - I wish I could go back in time. I would’ve never said the things I said, I would’ve never doubted you or left without listening to what you had to say. I should’ve fought harder for you, but I was a coward. I still am, if I’m being honest, but I will not run away, Y/N. Not anymore. I know I will never deserve you, but I’ll do my best and try. Because you, my love, are the love of my life, the greatest love I have and - and I can’t -“

It became too much for him. He couldn’t say anything else without breaking down. But he wanted her to know how much she meant for him, how much he is willing to fight for her if she lets him. She needed to know how sorry he was and how much he still loves her. But the words got stuck in his throat. The poet was left speechless.

“Y/N you are so strong,” He finally said “So strong, my love. And I’m so fucking proud of everything you do, I always have and always will be” He brought her hands to his lips and started pressing kisses all over it while wetting them with his tears “I wish I could take back everything I said. All those words were said out of anger and jealousy, that is not how I see you at all. You are so beautiful, Y/N, inside and out. So kind, so smart, so giving… You are perfect. And I love you, I love you, I love yo-”

Suddenly his words were interrupted by her lips as she started kissing him. Y/N didn’t want to keep listening anymore so she did the only thing he could, the thing she wanted to do the most since she saw him come out of the bathroom.

Their hands flew to cup each other’s cheeks, keeping their faces as close as they could, feeling how their tears became one as they started to deepen the kiss. They rocked back and forward with the intensity of their energies colliding once again, it was everything they needed and more. Suddenly, Luke got up from the floor and brought Y/N along with her, pressing her against the wall as their lips never left each other.

“I love you” He breathed into her lips before kissing her again and again and again, already getting lost in the feeling of euphoria she brought to him “I love you”

She kept crying as their lips met, savoring every word, every praise that came from his mouth, trying hard to hold on to them as she felt her breath become short “I missed you” She cried into the kiss, pulling away to see his face.

Luke’s eyes were blown wide as he stared at her, their lips were pink as they tried to catch their breaths. He knocked his forehead against hers before kissing it lightly “Please, forgive me” He begged, holding her tight against his chest.

“Luke,” She whispered as she tugged on his shirt, making him look back at her “Kiss me”

He looked at her softly, his baby blue eyes saying more than he ever could as he caressed her cheek one more time before leaning down and trapping her lips with his. He had no rush because there was no other place he’d rather be, no other person he’d rather spend time with. Only her. Only his Y/N.

Her hands traveled tentatively under his shirt, softly caressing the skin of his back and his stomach as she parted her lips to grant him more access and control. Luke’s hand that was not cupping her cheek rounded around her waist, bringing her body closer to him with the need of feeling her, all of her.

“Y/N…” He groaned, tilting his head back when he felt her kiss along his jaw and neck.

“Please…” She murmured against his skin, sucking and kissing on the spot that she knew would make him shiver.

Luke pressed her against the wall with his body completely covering hers. He grabbed the back of her thighs and lifted her feet from the ground as she locked her legs around his waist. “Please,” She begged again, closing her lips around the shell of his ear and slightly biting into it. She could feel him getting hard as her hips moved forward, her core pressing against his hardening cock. She moaned softly into his ear “Please, Luke. Please”

The movement of her hips was all Luke needed to lose himself to her, thrusting right back at her and moaning at the friction of her soaked panties against his clothed erection. Her sound became more breathy and he knew she was getting close just by the friction alone, having spent too much time without this feeling.

“Y/N…” Luke groaned into her after a particularly hard trust “I-”

“I know” She breathed “I need it too,”

Without a second thought, Luke turned both of them around, still holding Y/N by the back of her thighs as he placed them back into the bed. Now it was his turn to kiss along her face, her lips, her neck… everywhere she would give him access to and would leave her breathing his name. His hands fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, taking it off completely in one swift move and occupying his hands by touching her breasts, massaging them softly as his lips closed against one of her nipples, tongue circling around the hard pebble until they were nice, erect and wet from his kiss only to do it again with the other one.

Y/N was a whimpering mess under him, her fingers tangling in his hair as he sucked on her sweet spot, kissing down her body until his lips found her wet panties. He kissed over her clothes bundle of nerves, making her moan and begged for more as he swiftly hooked his long fingers at either side of her hips and pulled them down, kissing along her thighs up and down and up again only to finish tongue deep into her hole, lapping at her arousal and moaning against her at the taste of her. He always found her exquisite.

Stars were playing behind her eyelids as she felt one finger inside her while Luke’s lips closed against her clit, sucking it lightly as he inserted another finger per her request, thrusting then inside and out as she chanted his name like a prayer when her walls clenched against them.

Luke licked her clean as her fingers played with his hair, relishing this intimate moment as a precious memory for the future. When he pushed himself up he noticed that there were a new set of tears rolling down her cheeks “Are you okay, love?” He asked, “Did I hurt you?”

She shook his head, looking up at him with teary eyes “I love you”

His eyes soften at her words, hands caressing the side of her face as he leaned in without thinking, kissing her tears away with such care, never wanting to see them again.

“Luke…” She whispered, kissing his chin “Luke, make love to me”

Blue eyes met Y/E/C, sharing all the love he had in them before leaning down again to trap her lips with his; tongues dancing together like it was the first time all over again where no other words were needed.

Y/N helped him out of his shirt and shorts, pumping his cock in her hands as he moaned in her ear how good it felt before lining it up with her entrance, quiet gasps leaving each other’s mouths as they felt the familiar stretch when he bottomed out.

Soft words and kisses were shared as Luke’s thrusts were slow and steady. It was silent, needy, passionate; it was everything they needed and more. Their hands explored the familiarity of their bodies, leaving faint marks as they enjoyed their shared pleasure.

“Please,” She begged against his lips, moaning as Luke started hitting her spot “Please, please, please, plea-”

Her orgasm came over her like a wave and Luke was entranced with her face as it contorted in extasis, helping him reach his climax as he cum inside her, painting her walls as his thrusts became sloppy.

They stayed like that for a while, kissing on top of each other as their bodies stayed connected in the most intimate way. But soon Luke had to get up, getting a wet cloth from the bathroom and cleaning her up, whispering sweet nothings to her as he did so.

He climbed into the bed next to her, pulling her closer against his chest as his back rested against the headboard, drawing circles in the soft spot of her back and resting his chin on the top of her head.

They must’ve fallen asleep after a while because when he opened his eyes again he felt Y/N crying into his chest.

“My love?” He asked, worry lacing his voice as he accommodated himself better so he could see her face. Y/N eyes were puffy and filled with tears as she struggled to contain a sob “What’s wrong?”

Y/N sniffed, voice breaking as she asked “You love me?”

Luke furrowed his eyebrows in confusion “What a stupid question,” He said as he started playing with your hair “Of course I love you”

“But what else?”

Her question confused him, even more, when he saw pure heartbreak spread along her face.

“What else what?”

“You love me and what else?” She repeated her question.

“What else is there?”

Luke’s answer made her lips tremble as a new set of tears filled her eyes. His heart fell to his stomach with her reaction, not knowing what he did to make her this upset “Baby, what’s wrong? Is love not enough?”

Y/N shook her head as she took a deep breath, trying to find enough voice and courage to say what she needed.

“I’m not perfect, Luke”

“I know,” He said, bringing his fingers to caress your cheek but you shook your head.

“No, you don’t know” She stated, tears rolling down her cheek “You still see me as something out of your reach, as something you don’t deserve because you hold me to such standards that is impossible for me to live up to your expectations. I will let you down, even without wanting to, I will. And- a-and I don’t think I’ll be able to stand that look in your eyes once I do. I can’t go through that again”

She cried softly for a while, trying to find the right words to say.

“Luke, I need you to listen to me very carefully and really think about what I’m asking for here, okay, love?” She said after collecting herself just enough. He nodded as he gave her his undivided attention “Luke, I love you. More than anyone in the world, I love you. I thought I would never say those words again but I can’t deny my feelings for you nor do I want to. I love you. But I also love my life”

Luke’s eyes were fixed on her as she spoke, nodding along to what she was saying. She took another deep breath before continuing.

“A life that is filled with concerts, traveling and recordings and parties and interviews… A life that I chose to follow my dreams and make them come true. A life I am not going to give up because it’s mine and I truly love it. But in this life, there are some bumps in the road. There will always be people trying to bring me down, sending hate to me and the ones I love, spreading rumors all around where sometimes you won’t be able to distinguish fiction from reality. With people trying to get to me, by flirting or abusing their power with threats. But I keep going, I deal with all of that because that’s just the way it is. I will go to an interview that might get twisted, I might go and get flirted on by a random stranger that works for publicity. I might have rumors of me dating people I haven’t even met! All of that without my consent or knowledge. But I agreed to this when I agreed to follow my dreams and I can’t help it when it happens and most of the time I can’t say anything about it even if it hurts.

And when that happens I need to know that you will trust me. Because I cannot possibly ask you to leave your dreams to follow mine, meaning that we won’t be together all the time like we’re used to. And I need to know that you will trust me when I’m away from you”

Luke stayed quiet, his mind running a thousand miles per hour at her words. Could he trust her? When they were together on tour, and even at home in L.A, the rumors about Y/N were strong, so much so that he didn’t know if they were true or not. And even though he knew her, he still wasn’t sure. He doubted her, more times than not he did which ended up in him losing her until last night. He trusted her now, but…

“I don’t know,” He answered honestly, feeling like the weight of his shoulders was being lifted as he spoke “I don’t trust my mind, not when it’s about you. Not really. I trust you here, right now but I can’t promise that my insecurities won’t get in the way, changing that for the future. But I can try, I’ll do my best-”

“What if your best is not enough, Luke?” She asked, sucking the air out of both of them.

“What?” He asked in return, voice small and soft.

She sighed, blinking through the tears “What if- What if it’s not enough? You love me, but you don’t trust me. I love you, but I’m scared you’re going to run away every time you hear something about me that could tint the image of me you have in your mind. I’m scared of that Y/N because I’m not her and I might never be able to compete with her. I wish I could tell you that everything will change for the better, that love will be enough. But if we can’t see a future now…”

“There might not be a future at all” Luke finished for her.

The truth hurt more than they could ever have imagined, but it was still the truth. Without trust, there is no love that could endure the passings of times, but they could try, couldn’t they?

“What now?” He asked after a moment of silence.

“Hold me?”

Luke opened his arms and Y/N nested into them, setting her head upon his chest and letting his heartbeat be the melody of her heartbreak. “I love you” She whispered into his skin.

“I love you, too”

“I might never stop loving you”

“You don’t have to”

She sighed “I know, that’s what scares me”

Luke nodded, even though she couldn't see him. He let his fingertips trace up and down her arms and back, serving as the only comfort he could give right now.

“Stay with me tonight?” She asked, tilting her head so she could look him in the eyes “Just one night the two of us where we can leave the world behind. Just us and for tonight that’s enough”

He smiled sadly “Morning will come eventually”

“And what will happen to us in the morning?”

Luke let out a sad sigh “I don’t know”

Tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @hoodhoran @flaneurcth @notinthesameguey @bubblegum18 @irwin-fletcher-ash @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @1980holland @wiiildflowerrr @myloverboyash @nicebasscalum @calumspupils @secretsicanthideanymore @the-ghost-of-ash @alltimesos @kingxnichole @givebuckyhisplumsnow @hufflehemm @wildflower98 @girl-toxxic

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somuchbetterthanthat · 3 years

Text

Post 200. CW for flesh(sortof), dark, lonely, beholding, web, desolation; lil implicit d/s, sort of; martin and jon being fucked up but trying to love each other all the same;

Martin sits up with a gasp; his heart is racing, and he finds himself blinking frantically at the white, unfamiliar wall in front of him.

No.

Not unfamiliar.

“Martin?” mumbles a beloved, infuriating, sleepy voice behind him.

A gentle hand creeps up under his shirt, fingers dancing on his lower back. Martin closes his eyes again, and tries to slow his breathing.

“I’m fine,” he mutters.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’m fine, it’s all fine.”

“...Right,” says Jon quietly.

Martin’s heart is heavy, and he immediately feels guilty. But he doesn’t look back. It’s too early to look back. Jon’s hand has too many fingers again this morning.

Martin stares at the white, blank wall in front of him. He wishes he could look at the window instead, but the sun hasn’t risen this morning; the day is black as night, except there’s not even a moon, or stars, or any sort of light -- but the wall is there, pristine white even now, and it’s so empty.

“We should decorate,” he says, eventually.

“Mmh?” Jon’s face is hidden against his hip. He hates it when it’s all black, the same way he hates it when they’re losing touch of who they are, or what anything is.

“We’re gonna be here forever, aren’t we?” Martin asks. It’s not the first time. He can’t help reminding himself, sometimes. “So we should decorate.”

Slowly, Jon raises his head; there’s an incredulous and fond smile on his lips that make Martin’s insides twist as ever. “I’m not sure it’ll stick,” he says. “You know how this house is.”

“Yeah, well.” Martin hesitates. Licks his lips. Squares his shoulders. “It’s ours now, isn’t it? We live here. So. If we’re playing by its rules, maybe it should let us like; put, put a frame or something, y’know?”

Jon’s eyes are crinkling. “I suppose,” he says. “We could try.”

“Good.”

Martin tries to think of what they could decorate the wall with; his mind came up blank. Never mind, he tells himself, glaring at the shadow monster that’s trying to grow alongside the corner of the bedroom. Never mind. There’ll forever be a tomorrow, anyway.

Martin is staring at the wall of the bedroom; the faces in the picture frames smile at him, mouth and eyes faded. They never truly existed, did they? Or if they did, they were nothing but a reassuring lie. Outside, the fog is so dense it covers everything. Martin itches to get up and open the window.

A denser shadow than the rest closes the curtains abruptly; there’s anger and fear in the gesture, and when Martin slowly turns to study it, the shadow slowly turns into Jon.

They stare at each other. Jon hesitates. Opens his mouth. Closes it again.

His eyes are a bottomless pit of loneliness, a perfect reflection of Martin’s. It does not matter that this is their bedroom. They’re not together, they’ve never fitted together, they’ll never be together ever again. Jon always meant to chose the world before Martin. It’s how it is.

It’s how it’ll always be.

He blinks. The man he loves is a grey shadow that seems to disappear in the walls. Martin lays back in bed, and lets himself fade as well.

Jon is staring at the wall of their bedroom. No. Martin is staring at it No. The wall is staring at them both.

“Can’t you make it stop?” Martin asks, exasperated. “I just want to sleep.”

“Tough,” Jon mutters distractedly, which is even more infuriating.

“Jon.”

“What?”

“Just! Do something!”

“I think we both agreed, multiples times, that whenever I try to do something it’s bad,” Jon snaps.

“So what, you’re never going to make choices ever again?” Martin asks, exasperated. “What a brilliant plan.”

“I don’t have any choice to make,” Jon says, waving at the eyes peaking at them through every single corner of the room, of the myriads of faces pressed against the windows, eagerly waiting for them to fight again. “All I have to do is to wait and to keep them here. With me. If you don’t like them, Martin, there’s always the baseme--”

“Don’t you dare--”

“What? If you hate it all so much, I can’t do anything about it, but you can --”

“Shut up! Why do you always do this?”

“Why do you always ask me to find solutions if you don’t like the ones I came up with?”

Oh, how they’re drinking it all in, outside; how happy they are; how flushed Jon is, because it is his day, isn’t it, he looks more healthy than ever, and on those days Martin feels so sick --

“Do you want me to go there?” he asks.

Jon stares, baffled; his anger deflating immediately. “Of course not.”

Of course not. Martin wears it like a cape. Of course not. “Come here,” he says, and opens his arms. Jon leans to melt into the embrace easily. They hold each other too tight, and their eyes are burning. Is this the story they’re condemned to have? They think, together. Are they only ever going to be this, sadness and recriminations and frustration and --

Jon’s nails dig into his back. “I love you,” he murmurs. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Martin breathes. “I’m not leaving this house. It’s ours.”

There is a spider danging from the happy framed picture on the wall. Martin glares at it.

“We’ll kill it,” Jon tells him.

And so they will; they spoke it into existence. Martin decides it’s more important to focus on his husband that the small, helpless thing that’ll be crushed in a moment. Jon’s curls are full of cobwebs. Martin carefully starts to pick at them. Such fragile threads, that he easily captures and plays with --

He could push them under the bed, he supposes. Instead, he uses them to make the web necklace around Jon’s neck just a little bit more intricate.

“Oh?” Jon hums. It’s careful, but not unhappy.

“I’m not going to choose forever,” Martin says quietly. “I don’t think I’m that good at it either, all things considered.”

“Better than me,” Jon breathes.

“But that’s the thing, isn’t it? You’ve barely ever got to decide anything at all. Not really.”

“Martin --”

“You know it’s true. It’s just hard to accept, and that’s fair, I get it, okay? I can choose. Just for a little while. But not forever. I’m not doing it forever.”

There is so much tenderness and gratefulness in Jon’s eyes. Martin’s not sure he deserves such devotion, sometimes. But god, he wants to believe maybe he could grow to. Eventually.

“Okay,” Jon says. “Okay.”

“Lay back,” Martin orders gently. “I’m taking care of you now.”

The houseplant is ashes again; it’s the sort of day that’s so hot it makes Martin want to peel his skin off, except it’s not that kind of day day. Instead everything is dead and melting, and Martin still stubbornly reaches for Jon, who’s staring at the window, and the little girl who’s crying outside, her bright red hair falling into the grass one by one, creating little sparks that will soon make the world ablaze.

“It’s the seventh time we’ve watched her burn,” Martin mutters.

“Eighth,” Jon corrects, because of course he does, before adding: “They’re not exactly imaginative.”

“Guess not.” Martin presses a kiss against his hair. “Why are you looking, though?”

“Just thinking.” Jon’s hand finds his, and squeezes it gently. “I don’t regret it, you know.”

Martin blinks. “Regret what?”

“The one choice I did make. I don’t regret it. If we’d waited, I would not have seen this; I wouldn’t not been able to save anything at all.”

“..Jon --”

“I want you to know,” Jon declares, firmer. “It’s important to me than you know. I don’t like that I trapped you into an eternity of -- of fear guardianship. But If we had gone with the original plan, if they’d managed to escape, ... I wouldn’t have been able to live with it, Martin. I wouldn’t have gotten better. There wouldn’t have been any fixing it. But here -- with you -- I... I think I can be happy. I want us to be happy.”

“Me too,” Martin says. “I want us to be happy too.”

“...Good,” Jon says.

“Good,” Martin repeats. And then, because he is tired of staring outside by the window, or at the wall, because Hill Top Road is much bigger than the bedroom they insist on spending so much time in, he tugs at Jon gently. “Come on,” he says. “I think I’d like some tea.”

“In this weather?” Jon asks, because he’s a brat, but when Martin rolls his eyes and pulls him away from the window, he follows with a warm smile.

#the magnus archives #tma stories #if i properly care and did not have dnd in like ten minutes i would have made all the repetitions longer and clearer #the house would have become a home and all the fears would have made an appearance and their problems would have been more settled #but since i CAN'T write the long version of this story where their eternal babysitters of the fears at hill top road...#have the short snippet unbetaed tumblr version of it

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let-them-read-fics · 3 years

Text

Die For You

Requested by Anon: “hi :) can I request Jennie scenario based on The Weeknd’s song ‘Die For You’? I also wanted to say I really love your works, they’re really good”

Pairing: Jennie x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3,705

Warnings / Misc. -- Angst, Fluff, Near-Death Experience, Happy Ending

Disclaimer: This writing is a work of fiction, and no disrespect is meant for those mentioned herein.

A/N: Thank you anon! My schedule is getting busy again, so writings may take a bit longer to get posted; I apologize for the delay with this one, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. Let me know what you guys think!

PS ~ This is my first time writing a song request, so I kind of just went with it lol. It’s a little messy, but I think it has charm. Happy reading!

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Jennie Kim has a magnetic pull to her -- one that is relentless and unwavering once it takes control of you. It’s hypnotic in every way; sweet torture in its truest form; and you’re always left to pick up the pieces.

The arrangement that you share with Jennie has been clear from the get-go: friends with benefits, no strings attached. Neither of you have time for anything serious, and this seemed like a win-win: always having someone to come home to when you happened to be in the same area at the same time? Hell yeah.

You hate that you want me

Hate it when you cry

You're scared to be lonely

'Specially in the night

Gradually, though, things got messy -- lines became blurred as feelings mixed into the equation. You did everything in your power to make them go away, reminding yourself time and time again of the agreement you had. But in moments like these, as you lay in bed with Jennie, her head resting on your chest as your hand runs through her hair, you can’t help how your heart swells. Pale moonlight traces patterns on the floor, wiggling its way into the room to offer a soft glow and ambiance. In here, you’re untouchable: no cameras or prying eyes; it’s just you and Jennie, free to be yourselves. Given this fact, you’ve grown to have a love-hate relationship with these four walls; they’re your haven -- your refuge -- but they serve as a brutal reminder of just how limited your relationship with Jennie is.

Nothing is certain: weeks turn into months -- especially when she’s on tour or otherwise occupied with her busy schedule -- and you’re left to your own devices, waiting on her return. Each day without her brings you closer to believing that you’re strong enough to move onto something better -- something more consistent; but then there she is, knocking on your door again, completely pushing that absurd idea from your mind. One smile from her is enough to reel you back in, and it only makes you feel more conflicted.

Jennie stirs in her sleep, nuzzling her face closer into you as she brings a hand up to rest against your collarbone. Her body twitches lightly, lips pursing and pouting against your neck, and you wonder what she’s dreaming about. She doesn’t seem to be distressed in any way, so you take the opportunity to get a good look at her. Within the next couple hours the alarm would be blaring that sound that you despise more than anything else in this world, signalling for her to get ready and head off to the airport to leave you all over again. Despite the circumstances, you're comforted by the fact that she always makes sure to set it for the very last second, barely giving herself enough time to catch her flight -- she wants to spend every moment possible with you, and she makes it a point to do just that. Tearful goodbyes in the back of your car would be too involved for your “relationship”, so you always try to seem unaffected (or, at least, as close to that as you can manage). You save your tears for when you arrive back home, where you spend the evening coming to terms with her absence. She would never tell you, of course, but her flights are known to bear witness to plenty of sadness for her as well; with each new mile added to the distance between the two of you, her heart breaks a little more.

~~~~~~~

It’s been 4 months since you last saw Jennie. The time apart had offered you a new perspective, something in the long nights without her affirming what you already knew to be true -- you weren’t capable of continuing on like this much longer. Nothing about your situation was ever simple; the instant you began catching feelings, it all became muddled. The one rule set -- the only principle you were tasked with following -- had been broken, and there was nothing you could do to repair it.

A knock at your door echoes out across the empty apartment, and you quickly put down the food that you had been preparing. With a swift adjustment of the dial, you set the burner to simmer and make your way to the door. None of your friends had mentioned that they were coming by, so you’re genuinely clueless as to who it could be.

“Jennie?” Surprise is inadequate in describing the feeling that courses through you upon meeting that familiar gaze. The metal of the knob is cool in your hand as you grip it, knuckles turning white while your emotions run wild. She had failed to let you know that she was coming back to town, neglecting even to text you recently.

“Miss me?” How are you to answer that? Part of you wants to blurt out your thoughts, effectively ripping the metaphorical band aid right off, but another part of you wants to deny her: the past few months had allowed your feelings to become somewhat dormant as you attempted to see a future beyond this arrangement, one void of her presence. It’s completely normal to feel like that, you tell yourself. It’s strange, but as in love with her as you are, you’re almost as equally indifferent about it all. How many more times could you watch her walk away, only to string you along until she came waltzing right back in?

The more important question of the matter is apparent: how would you even begin to tell her what you’re feeling? In the past, you’ve tried to make her aware of what you’re going through, only to be met by a change of topic. She always stayed reserved, opting to spend your time together talking about anything other than that.

Deciding that you were taking far too long to respond to her, she steps into the room, closing the door behind her. The time away from you had affected her more than she’s willing to admit, and she’s more than ready to embrace you. Her arms wrap around your shoulders, pulling your body flush up against hers, and she sighs at the feeling. “I’ve missed holding you, Y/N.” The sweet nothing does it’s job, making your heart flutter as the words register in your mind. You’re still tense, though, and she doesn’t fail to notice; before long, soft kisses are being trailed across your face -- her attempt at relaxing you. Sometimes you wonder if she knows your body better than you do: it responds to her, just like she knew it would, and you loosen up.

After what feels like minutes of just standing there, bodies intertwined, her hands make their way to your hips. She leans forward and ghosts her lips over yours, her gloss smudging a bit in the process. A battle is being fought in your mind: should you allow yourself this indulgence? Or is this the time to be strong and finally put your foot down? The choice is made up for you by the way that she slowly backs you up against the wall, along with how her mouth brushes against yours as her warm hands steady you. Before you can stop yourself, you close the distance.

Her lips move against yours in perfect time, a delicious rhythm being set in the process. It brings to mind the notion that maybe -- just maybe -- the two of you are meant to be. After all, you fit together like a puzzle, being complete in the presence of one another.

As her fingers play at the band of your shorts, hands roaming further with each needy kiss she presses to your lips, you debate with yourself. Her actions tempt you to cave in and give yourself up to her, but you decide that you can’t go down that road again. At least not until everything gets sorted. Quickly -- as to not give her anymore time to change your mind -- you step back and run a hand through your hair. Hers is messy, lips red and pupils blown wide. She reaches out for you again, but you simply hold your hand up in response.

“I can’t, Jennie.” The words come out as a reluctant declaration, your tone sounding tired.

Her brows furrow, but you continue.

“I can’t keep doing this.”

“Elaborate.” Her demand is clear, but you miss the effort that it took for her to come off that way. At your words, panic began to course through her; she can’t lose you.

“Whatever this is,” you say, motioning between the two of you. “I can’t be someone who waits around for you all the time, just keeping your bed warm.” She wants to laugh at that one; it’s almost comical how far you are from the truth. Jennie knows she’s good at hiding her feelings, but she’s shocked that she managed to make you believe something that ridiculous about yourself. You mean the world to her -- she’s just too afraid to admit it.

“Y/N--”

“No, don’t even try to change the subject; I’m sick of it. Please, just listen to me for once.”

A subtle nod from her serves as your cue to continue.

“I never meant for things to get like this, Jennie, believe me. But I can’t pretend anymore: I like you, a lot. And after having you in the ways that I’ve had you…” you pause, allowing your eyes to trail up and down her body as you clench your jaw, “I can’t bear the thought of someone taking my place when I’m not around. Do you know how hard that is to deal with?”

Happens every time

I'm scared that I'll miss you

I don't want this feelin'

I can't afford love

She seems stunned, to say the least; she blinks a few times before gathering her thoughts and speaking up. “You’re all I think about, no matter what I’m doing.” For a second, you’re hopeful: your heart beats a little faster at her confession, and you finally believe you’re getting somewhere with her. Sadly, she continues: “But I can’t afford that. I don’t have time for a commitment like that, and we have something good right now. I’ve seen plenty of relationships go bad and end in heartbreak; why should we risk it?”

“Aren’t you tired of it? Sometimes I really start to think that you like me back, but then you’re as guarded as ever, pushing me away again. I never know where I stand with you. So unless you tell me how you honestly feel, you’ll have to take me off your list of fuck buddies.”

Your language catches her off guard, seeing as how it’s unexpected and unlike you. How are you so oblivious? You’re so much more than that to her.

“Fine, Y/N! I’m in deeper than I care to admit. I’ve tried to run from it, but I can’t. You’re the one person I can’t seem to forget, and I can’t stand you because of that. And yeah..” she pauses, a bit exasperated, and takes a deep breath before continuing. “I won’t deny that I’ve been with other people when I’m away.” You close your eyes at her admission, that familiar sadness beginning to seep in -- it wasn’t anything you didn’t already know, but that doesn’t make its confirmation any easier to hear.

“They’re not you, though. They don’t know me like you do… they’re not fun like you. I’ve never felt like this about anyone, and I don’t want to. It terrifies me.”

“That’s kinda part of the deal, Jennie -- it’s a scary thing. I’m not saying it’ll be easy, but I’m willing to try with you. What we have right now is wearing me down, and I don’t deserve it; so either listen to your heart and be with me, or you won’t be seeing me again.”

Following your ultimatum, she doesn’t dare speak. Her brows are slightly furrowed again, jaw set, and she’s looking at the ground. Out of habit, your arms cross against your chest -- being vulnerable is never something you particularly enjoy (especially with so much on the line) but you’re sick of beating around the bush with her. One of the first lessons you ever learned from Jennie is that she avoids her feelings at all costs; so, standing there, you wonder what it would take to make her finally open up. Would your absence be enough? Maybe you were foolish for thinking so.

With every second that passes, silence remaining unbroken by the words that you so desperately want to hear from her, your heart sinks more and more. Every insecurity you have is swirling in your mind, further clouding it. Her lack of a response confirms your fears, and you nod quickly, knowing what you have to do.

“Okay, I get it. I’m gonna take a walk, but you can stay here and take a shower since you just got in. When I come back, though, I want you gone.”

She doesn’t even raise her head to look at you. Inside, her heart is breaking; every fiber of her being is begging to say something -- anything -- but she stays quiet. It’s hard enough for her to keep her feelings for you in check with the arrangement you have now; if you become official, she won’t know what to do with herself. She’s falling hard, but she’s fighting it all the while -- her lifestyle doesn’t have room for love. You deserve someone who can be with you whenever you want them, not someone who’s always a world away. Calls and texts only go so far, and she knows it wouldn’t be enough for either of you. She’s spent your latest stint apart attempting to come to terms with the idea of life without you; it’s the last thing she wants, but she needs you to move on and find someone better. For you, she’s willing to hurt, so long as it means you’re happy.

After a beat, she accepts your words, confirming that she heard you by giving a simple nod. Any remaining hope you were clinging to fades away completely, and you’re left feeling empty. Now at the coat rack, you pull your jacket over your shoulders and slip your shoes on. “There’s food on the stove, by the way. Don’t let it burn.” You say over your shoulder, too sad to look at her again. Maybe that’s some sort of symbolism: the wonderful thing you had spent so long creating was fizzling out right in front of you, Jennie being the one who could fix it all. She can step up and repair things, but that doesn’t seem very likely to happen. Tears are brimming in your eyes, and her heart breaks at the sound of your sniffles.

Even though we're going through it

And it makes you feel alone

With a thud, the apartment door closes, and Jennie finally breaks down. It all hits her in an instant, and soon she’s sliding down to the floor, her tears mimicking her actions as they fall onto her cheeks. Why did this have to be so hard? Seeing the pain etched so plainly into your features was definitely the hardest part to all of this; she’s being cruel to be kind… if only you knew that.

I try to find reason to pull us apart

It ain't workin' 'cause you're perfect

And I know that you're worth it

I can't walk away, oh!

As soon as Jennie had realized her feelings all that time ago, she racked her brain for any and every logical reason to end things. She would pick fights over small things, praying to every higher power that you’d get tired of the stupidity and give up on her. So many other people had in the past, so why wouldn’t you? Knowing that you’re different from all the rest -- perfect for her in every way imaginable -- only scares her more. You lit a fire in her heart the day you met, and it’s only grown stronger ever since.

~~~~~~~

20 Minutes Later

You have no real destination in mind; you’re content with just allowing your feet to take you wherever they wish to go.

Chatter from across the city makes its way to your ears, oddly offering a sense of comfort in your time of need. The night sky is full of stars, and the city bustles with life and activity. As you pass different businesses and shops, their iridescent lights shine just for you. Distant cars honk as they traverse the streets, and your mind begins to think of all of the different things those people might be doing right now. Surely some are having a great day, maybe on their way home, eager to be greeted by their loved ones. Others might be hurting just like you.

And you won't find no one that's better

'Cause I'm right for you, babe

I think I'm right for you, babe

Jennie fails to realize that all you want is her; you’re not naive -- you know how crazy her schedule is, but you’re more than willing to make sacrifices if it means she’ll be yours. No one makes you feel the way she does, and the thought of spending your life searching for something that can never compare scares you.

A slight breeze rolls in, ghosting over your skin, and you’re reminded of all the times she would pull you in close to keep you warm. Her sweet perfume would fill your nose as you snuggled into her embrace, sharing the heat that her coat offered. Getting over her would definitely be a bitch.

It's hard for me to communicate the thoughts that I hold

But tonight I'm gon' let you know

Let me tell the truth

Baby, let me tell the truth, yeah

The peace -- if you can call it that -- is broken by a shout. “Y/N, wait!” Confused, you spin around on your heel towards the voice. It’s Jennie; she’s sprinting to you, her brown locks bouncing and flowing in the wind with every step. Conflicted, yet again, your feet appear to be rooted in their spot. What does she want now? It seems that every time you get your hopes up, she’s always letting you down. With this in mind, you slowly turn back around and continue your walk. Eventually she’ll catch up to you, but you need the extra time to gather your now-jumbled thoughts.

Just know that I would die for you

Baby I would die for you, yeah

It all happened in a blur. As you began crossing the street to put more distance between Jennie and yourself, the high pitched sound of tires squealing against the pavement rang out. The car came out of nowhere, barrelling straight towards you with no signs of stopping; they had run a red light. Your eyes locked with the driver’s, both of you donning an equally terrified expression, and you had no time to react. Just as the bumper was about to come into contact with your body, you were instead forcefully shoved out of the way. Another person -- your savior -- comes tumbling with you just in the nick of time, and the driver swerves around you.

“Are you okay?!” It’s Jennie; her voice is ripe with worry, her thoughts focused solely on your wellbeing. She doesn’t even notice the cut that she received from the fall. You bring your hand up to her forehead to assess the wound.

“Y-yeah, I’m good. But you,” you say, touching her injury and eliciting a pained hiss from her in the process, “...are not.” The two of you are breathing hard as adrenaline courses through your systems; once it has died down a bit, you stand up and check each other for any more sore spots.

“Thank you, Jennie. I don’t know how to repay you for something like that.”

“I’d do it again a million times, Y/N. I’m sorry for putting you through all of this. I came to tell you that I love you, and that I’m done running. Seeing you leave really put things into perspective for me.”

“Am I supposed to believe that, or will you change your mind again?” The words are harsh, your voice laced with the bitterness that you still hold onto. You can’t find it in yourself to cushion the blow much; you’re still hurt by what’s happened in the past, and rightfully so. Beyond that, though, you’re trying to be cautious; after hearing her confess like that, you know there’s no going back.

“Okay, I deserve that one. But I mean what I said. You’re the best thing in my life -- the best I’ve ever had -- and I just want you to be happy. I’ve always been afraid that I can’t give you that if I’m so far away all the time.”

“Oh, baby,” you start, cupping her cheek and running your thumb across it soothingly. She leans into your touch, and your expression softens. “All I’ve ever wanted is you. You’re everything to me, you know that? We can do this together, so long as you’re willing to try.”

“I am.” She utters before pulling you in, sealing your new agreement with a kiss. Her lips move against yours gently, taking their time as they attempt to make up for her previous behavior. It’s soft yet urgent, a million different things passing between you without words.

Suddenly, you pull back, and Jennie panics for a second.

“Did you turn the burner off?”

“Oh shit!” She exclaims, a look of pure fear gracing her features.

Just as that cold, prickly feeling of dread begins to spread throughout your body, she grins.

“Yes, I did.”

You roll your eyes and huff loudly at her, delivering a rough shove to her shoulder.

“Don’t do that to me!”

She responds by pulling you in again, kissing away your frown. “I love you, too, if you didn’t catch that earlier.” You declare, feeling her lips turn up in that beautifully iconic smile of hers. She hums at that, pulling you in closer just as the chilly wind blows again. Huh, maybe the universe had been listening all along.

#jennie kim #jennie x reader #blackpink angst #blackpink fluff #blackpink #blackpink imagine #blackpink oneshots #jennie imagine #jennie kim x fem reader #die for you #let-them-read-fics #blackpink scenarios #kpop #kpop scenarios

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spvce-cowboy · 3 years

Text

drivers license

francisco morales x f!reader - oneshot

rating: mature

3.1k words

warnings: drug/alcohol use, reader is a dealer, age gap, so much YEARNING!!!

summary: a surprise visit from an old friend

a/n: 100 follower celebration!! partially inspired by this post but also the fact that i have been sing-screaming “drivers license” for oh about four days straight now. thank you guys so so much for all the support so far ! 💕

A fist slamming against your front door wakes you from a dreamless sleep.

You push yourself off your mattress, blearily checking the time on your phone and cursing under your breath when you see that it’s almost 3am. You sit up all the way, blinking as you wait to see if what woke you up was something you’d imagined or if it were real.

It’s real. It starts again after a second, three sharp raps against the door, followed by some kind of muffled talking. Your heart rate picks up in your chest, you grab the baseball bat you have leaned against the wall as you reach your apartment door. Squeezing one eye shut, you look through the peephole.

The good thing is that it definitely isn’t the cops. You take a relieved breath, leaning away from the door.

The bad thing is that whoever is knocking is hunched on his knees, just outside of the peephole’s line of sight, so you have absolutely no idea who the fuck it is.

“Please open the door,” the man’s voice begs from the other side of the door. You’re about to yell at him to fuck off, but he interrupts you before you can even open your mouth. “Little flower, it’s me, please.”

The nickname makes your heart go to your throat. The bat in your hands falls to the floor.

You rub a hand over your eyes, huffing an exhale in a vague attempt to prevent your heart from ricocheting against your ribs. It doesn’t work. Because as soon as he says it, as soon as you realize who it is, it brings everything back with him.

A set of sturdy, tanned fingers cupped against the knuckles of your grandfather’s hand, the voice went low in a warm but respectful greeting. You didn’t realize how gnarled your old man’s hands had gotten until you had someone else’s to compare them to. You looked back down at the crumpled up dollar bills you’d just been handed, one of them still rolled. Turning to find your bag on the coatrack, you stuff the money in your back pocket.

“My little flower, this is a good one,” your grandfather told you with a small hum that signifies whatever he just said must be set in stone. You hear the sound of him heavily patting the hand cupped over his own in that way he does when he appreciates the presence of something. “He has a decent head on his shoulders, no?”

“Little flower?” You can hear the boyish smile in that all too familiar voice before you even turn back around. “That suits you well, I think. Florita. I like that.”

“Christ, Frankie, what are you doing here?” You rest your head against the doorframe, heart sinking in your chest. You don’t open the door, to protect him or yourself you don’t know.

“I need—”

“You’ve got a kid now, Frankie. I told you I’m not going to sell to you anymore.”

“Ever the moralist,” the bite to his words is so uncharacteristic you can’t help but flinch. He seems to realize this, too. His apology is nearly immediate. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. You’re right. I… It’s not…”

You swallow, closing your eyes and wrapping your arms around yourself for some bare semblance of comfort. “Please go,” your voice is so quiet you’re not sure he can hear you through the layer of wood separating the two of you. “You’ll wake the neighbors.”

It’s quiet for a long time. Long enough that you nearly think he’s left. Long enough that you don’t know why you’re still standing at the door and not back in bed.

And Frankie says your name, voice cracking. Your actual name. It’s been so long since you’ve heard it come off his lips you can’t help sink into the door.

A held breath leaves you in a shuddering sigh. Your shaking hands open the door.

The man who spills onto the ground before you is a stranger, yet, heartbreakingly, just as he had been when you first met him. Messy hair, worn blue jeans, gray button-down stretching over the perfect expanse of his back. All that is missing this time around is that lazy smile, that easy, Hey, darling.

In a bar. Right when your grandfather started getting sick.

“Eighty,” you said without him having to continue his sentence beyond his syrupy greeting, eyes trained on the shelves of liquor in front of you instead of having to meet his gaze.

He copped an eighth, tucking the little baggie in a pocket on the inside of his jacket. You went back to your drink, angling your body away from him again and expecting him to return to his table of friends. But then the knuckles of his hand nudged the side of you elbow. He gestured to your beer, the neck of the bottle clasped between your thumb and the hook of your middle and index fingers.

“Lemme buy you your next one, yeah?” He had a hunched lean to his posture, in that way that men do when they want you to feel like you’re the only person in the room. You were mad that it worked. He extended a hand. “Frankie Morales.”

The truth of it was that the two of you became friends, after that. Nothing more. Regardless, it was too close for you to get to someone you dealt to, but you were so lonely at that point in your life—taking care of the old man by day, GED classes at night--that meeting Frankie was a small blessing. Nothing ever happened between you two but God you wish it did.

To describe what you felt towards him as a crush didn’t really cut it, but you were fine with friends. Being completely fair, he was definitely one to send mixed signals—Christ, your weekly tradition of driving to an overlook to split an order of fries and milkshakes on the hood of his truck just about screamed every romcom you were raised on. But despite the occasional prolonged touch, the hand he would place on the small of your back to move you out of the way or guide you forward, nothing happened.

You dealt with it. Tried to be supportive as possible when he met his girl. Frankie broke the news that she was pregnant. The two of you saw each other less and less frequently. Sometimes he would call to catch up. Eventually, you stopped answering when he did. Your grandfather died. You got into a local art school.

It was sad how quietly it all faded. You didn’t know it could, but it did.

And now here he is, literally crumpled at your feet.

Frankie messily pulls himself up off the ground and onto his knees. He reeks of booze and old cigarettes. You freeze as his hands wrap over your hips, as he presses his face into your stomach and murmurs an incoherent apology—for what, you’re not exactly sure.

And when you finally processing what’s happening, what you had begged the universe for years, you can’t help yourself. Your card your fingers through his hair, gritting your teeth and squeezing your eyes shut.

“Frankie,” it’s a warning. It’s a reminder. “You’re drunk. You need to go home. Your girlfriend--”

“She left a week ago,” he speaks into the fabric covering your belly. The words burst forwards as if not even he was expecting to say them. It’s a confession. His hands flex from where they hold onto you. “She’s gone.” Your heart drops to your gut, your chest aching. “I need… Just for the night I… Little flower, the house is so empty.”

You keep petting back his hair until his breathing quiets. He keeps holding onto you, even then. The two of you stay like that for a long time.

“Why don’t,” your voice comes out too shaky. Too unsure of itself. You clear your throat and try again. “Why don’t you take a shower, I’ll get you some water and we can sober you up a bit. Okay?”

He tilts his face up at you. It’s the first time you’ve seen him in well over a year.

And he hasn’t changed. It’s all there—the soft mess of shaggy hair, dark but kind eyes, the beloved hook of his nose.

One sun-sick evening, you rode your bike to the beach just to get out of the apartment. You need somewhere to sit and think for a while, just until your head feels more clear. There’s enough of a chill in the air that you have to throw on a jacket, it’s nice. It’s like you can feel the wind moving through you. Past you.

When you arrived at the beach, you got off your bike, leaning it against your hip as you scoped out a spot to sit in the sand. You were about to wheel it over to the rack when--

Someone pinched your elbow in greeting. Their steps were so quiet you didn’t even register their approach. It, obviously, startled you, and your hand immediately flew to the keychain in your back pocket. The knife you had attached to it.

When you turned, and it was Frankie’s familiar face, his hands raised in joking surrender.

In that light, with the sun still flirting with the horizon, it rendered his face into shapes and shadows you had only previously seen in the old oil paintings of long-dead greats. You thought it was in the deep bourbon of his eyes, soft when illuminated by a tangerine sky. It was him. All of him. Slightly breathless, hair ruffled by the wind.

“Hey, hey, sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you,” he sounded genuinely apologetic. You released a relieved huff of air.

“Fucking Christ, Frankie. A little warning would be nice next time.”

“Did you bike the whole way here? From the apartment?” He asked, there was a tinge of concern to his voice.

You shrugged, trying to hide your embarrassment by lowering your kickstand with the heel of you boot. “It’s not that far.”

“Don’t you have a car?”

“Can’t drive,” you wrinkle your nose. “Never needed to.”

He looked you for a moment, if you didn’t know any better you’d say critically.

“I was just about to get something to eat, if you wanna join me,” he tucked his hands in his pockets as he spoke. “There’s this overlook nearby that has a way better view of all of this.” He motions to the ocean with the tilt of his head. “I can drive us there.”

You regarded him as he spoke, cautiously looking him up and down. And you nodded, smiling slightly. He smiled back, it was big and crooked. It made something in the pit of your belly feel warm.

You step away, holding out your hand to help him to his feet. He complies, stumbling slightly and rubbing his hand over his face as he does so. He disappears down the hall without having to ask where the bathroom is.

Sighing, you go back into your room, pulling out a shirt and a pair of oversized sweatpants for him to change into. You knock on the bathroom door on your way to the kitchen. The apartment’s walls are so thin you can hear the hiss of the shower from all the way down the hall.

“Come in,” Frankie’s voice barely rises above the sound.

You crack the door open, keeping your eyes trained to the floor as you place the folded clothes on the sink’s counter.

“Here’s something for you to change into,” you tell him. He thanks you, the shower turning off right as you close the door behind you. You walk back down the hall and into the living room, making two glasses of water before settling on your couch.

Once, after a night out, the two of you were too drunk and too broke to afford separate taxis home. He proposed going back to his house, split the cost, grab a cab for you once it wasn’t so late and the rates went down.

You agreed, as you did anytime he extended the offer to spend time there. There was something about the quiet, tucked-in nature of the suburbs that was so novel to you. So calming.

The two of you settled on the couch. Feeling bold, you lay your head in his lap and kicked your socked feet up on the opposite armrest as you describe to him the gallery opening you’d snuck into. How you successfully schmoozed to the owner as well as one of the artists.

He asked you if you had heard back from any of the scholarships you’d applied to. You hadn’t, but you’d only just submitted the applications, so it would be at least a few months wait.

You tell him your dreams of becoming an artist. A real one. He already knew that, but you really tell him this time, all the details you usually keep to yourself, too special to you to have the courage to voice aloud. The fantasy of moving out into the mountains, getting a cabin just big enough for a hotplate and a bed and a studio. You’ve lived and breathed LA for your entire life and you were tired of the city. Tired of every street corner baked with the memories of high school and the listless years that followed, of the small humiliations you had to succumb to in order to survive.

Frankie listened and nodded enthusiastically at all the right parts. It was only then that you realized his hands smoothed over the top of your scalp as you talked. You let it continue, it felt too nice not to.

He told you that you should, and if you needed help finding the money he could always--

You cut him off before he could finish the thought, shaking your head. Responsibilities came first, you had people who needed you. A degree to finish. Savings to maintain. You asked him about the new girl he’d been seeing and he eagerly launches into a story about a different, wild night out. You smile and laugh throughout the whole thing, trying to ignore the pang it gives you when he describes the dress she was wearing. He fingers continued to brush over the crown of your head as he talked.

You fell asleep there, on his lap. You woke up before the sun rose, hot and sweaty and still a little drunk from the vodka Redbulls that never agreed well with your heart.

It took you a second to realize you were in Frankie’s bed, alone. When you padded back into the living room, he was passed out on the couch, a throw blanket wrapped around his shoulders, using his arm as a pillow.

You left after helping yourself to a shower, texting him a sarcastic good luck with that hangover. You’re about to call a taxi home but something stopped you. You thought it might be the way the sun was barely breaking over the cusp of the smoggy horizon, the sky reduced to pale shades of violet with the coming dawn.

The quiet neighborhood Frankie lived in is all the more beautiful, like this. Subdued, empty, houses in winding but even rows that scale up the mountainside like sets of bad teeth. You decided to walk, just until the sun got a little brighter. Until the people started to shake themselves awake for a new day.

You got a text from him as you were making breakfast, back at your apartment by then. Thanks. Hope you slept well, little flower. Something about the small missive kept you smiling the whole day after.

You mess with your phone until Frankie returns.

“I’m sorry, for showing up like this,” Frankie says as he hovers over the living room’s threshold. The clothes you leant him fit well enough, only slightly oversized on his frame as opposed to how they generously drape off of you. He holds his towel in his hands, looking down at it instead of you. “I honestly don’t have an excuse and you… you shouldn’t accept any. But I thought I should still tell you.”

You look at him for an extended beat, knowing he’s being honest. You’re at a genuine loss as to how to handle the situation.

“We can deal with it later,” you settle with that. It sounds good enough to you, and when he finally meets your eyes again he looks a little relieved. You nod you head towards the glass of water you placed on the coffee table, he takes your lead and settles on the opposite side of the couch, leaning over to take his own glass.

“So um… how are you?” He asks you earnestly, angling his body towards you.

“Okay,” you take a sip of water, trying to keep it casual. “Cleaning up my act a bit, you know? Going to school, picking up jobs here and there. Trying to figure out what I want to do. Oh! I uh… I learned how to drive--impressive I know.”

“The city flower herself, operating a vehicle?” His face breaks into a familiar, goofy smile you can’t help but reciprocate. “I’ll add every pedestrian in LA to my prayers.”

“You should,” you shake your head as you laugh, leaning into your corner of the couch and pulling your knees up to your chest. You finally relax, giving yourself the small allowance of settling into the comfort that inevitably comes with his presence.

And it really is just as easy as it always has been between the two of you. The conversation naturally ebbs and flows, neither of you bother to broach the heavier stuff. For now, just this it’s enough.

It’s enough to see the spark in his eyes when he tells you about his daughter, how bright she is, how much trouble she gets into—just like her dad. It’s enough to hear about his friends, all those names and backstories that you still vividly remember. It’s enough to bask in the feeling of how he leans into you with laughter, a hand lingering on your knee for seconds longer than it probably should have, as he always tends to do.

It’s enough to see him grin when you tell him about the scholarships you got, how weird it felt being the oldest person in all your classes, even if it was only by a handful of years. He doesn’t ask how your grandfather is, the living room being cleared of all the heart monitors and breathing machines is enough to answer that question. You’re grateful he doesn’t. You’re not sure you’d be able to keep a brave face if he did.

You don’t want time to pass. You want to stay here, with him, like this, in that perpetual state of catching up, in that breathless deluge that has the not-so-subtle undercurrent of this is what has happened since you left. I wish you would have been there. But I am so happy you are here now.

When you can no longer stifle your yawns, you stand to refill your glass of water, speaking on your walk over to the sink.

“I’d love to keep talking but I honestly don’t think I can keep my eyes open much longer,” you tell him as you turn the tap off. “I can make up the couch for you, if you’d like.”

When he doesn’t immediately respond, you turn to look back at him. He’s staring at you from where he is seated, eyes dark with something that isn’t just from the low light of the living room.

“What?” You ask after a few more seconds of him not responding. He looks away from you, shaking his head.

“Yeah, that would be great.”

Your eyes search his for a moment, positive that that was not at all what he was turning over in his head during those few seconds of silence. You’re too tired to press, so you gather a spare set of sheets for him. He stands when you come back into the living room, holding out his arms to take them from you. You wave him away, setting up the pull-out bed yourself. You’d grown up sleeping on this thing, tucking the fitted sheet into the corners was always tricky, and he didn’t know where the bolts of the couch’s frame would cut the shit out of his hands if he wasn’t careful.

Throwing a pillow down, you turn back to Frankie. He’s standing closer to you, now. You have to tilt your head up slightly to meet his eyes.

“All set,” you tell him. He nods, eyes searching your face for a moment. Your brow furrows. “Frankie, you’re being weird. Stop it.”

His chuckle breaks the tension.

“Sorry—I’ve been saying that a lot tonight, haven’t I?” He takes a deep breath. You’re smiling again, about to agree with him, and without warning his hand is comes up to cup the side of your face. You still, lips parted in an unasked question. “Thank you, little flower,” his voice goes rough again, as it had when you were speaking to each other through the door. “I really mean it.”

Frankie’s hand drops when you nod, lips pressed together. He sits back down on the pull-out. You wish him goodnight quietly and return to your room.

Leaving your bedroom door cracked open, you climb back into bed. With everything in you, you hope he’s still there when you wake. He will be.

#francisco morales x reader #francisco morales x you #frankie morales x reader #frankie morales x you #francisco catfish morales #reader insert #triple frontier #angst #hurt/comfort

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soyeahitsmiddleearth · 3 years

Text

Return Her pt.8

The dreams persist and continue to get worse, but they can't know about these supposedly prophetic night terrors... especially after what you've just seen.

It seems that your promise of a kiss really did motivate Bofur, because not even 10 minutes later are you all reaching the other side of the lake.

As soon as it's put to shore and you all file out, Bofur looks to you expectantly and taps the side of his face.

You, being as you promise, waste no time and leaning down and pecking his cheek gently, giggling at the way his cheeks reddens slightly and a huge smile breaks out on his face. It's pretty cute, you have to admit.

"There you go, now no more complaining about not getting a kiss, okay? From now on there will be no negotiations." You tell them decisively, adding afterwards, "I will distribute them when I see fit."

Bofur nods happily and goes back to the boat to grab some of the supplies, meanwhile Kili looks at you with a frown, "But what about me?"

"I told you already, you got one."

"Yes, but I can't remember it! Surely that isn't fair." He complains, glancing over at his brother and Bofur who are taking things out of the boat.

"It's not my fault you can't remember it." You shoot back, stepping around him to take your backpack out of the boat.

Kili stares at you for a few moments with the same displeased expression on his face before grumbling out, "It's not fair."

You glance back at him again while you put on your bag, sighing internally before stepping back and pecking his cheek very quickly. "There! Now no more complaining or I'll go right back to Bard-"

They don't even let you finish your sentence before they're all yelling, "No!"

It seems you've gotten your point across.

---

The journey to the mountain is long and horribly arduous, and you can tell that it's taking a toll on Kili since he's begun to sweat and his breath is coming out in shallow pants.

When you notice this you skip over to Fili and jump in front of him, successfully making him, and everyone else, halt their trekking.

"Y/N? What are you doing?" Fili asks, looking up at you with furrowed eyebrows.

"Fili, dear, your brother is struggling an awful lot over there. I think we should take a break so he doesn't, like, pass out or anything."

Normally, they would argue with you and tell you you're being too sensitive and worrisome, but with all the things you've been right about recently, Fili concedes and nods his head in agreement, "Alright."

A huge smile breaks out on your face when the first answer isn't 'no' for once, and right away you clap your hands together excitedly and pat his shoulder, "Excellent."

"We can rest beneath those trees for shade, and Oin will change his bandages." Fili states decisively, looking up at you with a small smile on his face since your joy is rather contagious.

You drop your hand from his arm and bound over to the trees he pointed out with a new vigor fueled by the desire to take a freaking break.

Right away you settle onto the ground and take off your backpack, patting the spot next to you when Kili limps over with Fili and Bofur on either side of him (incase he collapses or something). Oin walks over much slower and with less enthusiasm, though he does appear to be pretty pleased about having a break too.

Kili sits down next to you without hesitation and stretches his legs out in front of him, looking over at Oin wearily since he doesn't much want anyone to touch his still healing (and very tender) wound.

"I'm going to need you to lay down, lad." Oin tells him once he takes a seat, pulling out some things from his bag (supplied to him by Bard and Tauriel) like more stuff to wrap his leg and some cleaning stuff.

The brown-haired dwarf sighs shakily a and slowly begins to lay back, fully intending to stretch out on the hard, dirty ground.

"Ah, wait." You tell him quickly, scooting closer and offering your lap up as a pillow.

He, of course, doesn't pass up the offer and settles himself down with his head resting on your thighs and a way too pleased expression on his face.

Oin chuckles lightly before going business mode and carefully removing the wrapping Tauriel applied to his leg, careful not to hurt the young dwarf as he does so.

You reach up and card your fingers through his hair gently, looking over at Oin's calculated and gentle movements with a slight frown on your face. On the bright side, at least it's not horribly infected anymore.

Kili hums appreciatively when your nails scratch lightly at his scalp, the noise bringing your attention back to his face.

You smile half-heartedly and ask, "Does it hurt at all?"

"Only a little." He replies easily, folding his arms to rest on his stomach while he waits for Oin to finish up. "Don't worry, I will be fine." He assures, practically reading your worry ridden mind.

"I-I know, but..." You trail off as you glance over at the scabbing and hideous hole in his leg, biting your lip lightly while you think over your words, "You were so sick..."

"Careful there, Y/N, or I might begin to think you're worried for me." There is obvious humor in his voice, and from the smile on his face and the way Fili and Bofur laugh they all think it's funny; but you only look at him sourly.

You reach down and pinch his nose none to gently, replying cooly, "Oh don't even joke about that! Obviously I was worried. We all were!"

"Yes, but we didn't all cry." Bofur teases, leaning back against the tree with his hat covering his eyes.

You glare over at him quickly and stick your tongue out, feeling your cheek heat up despite your attempt to remain cross and nonchalant.

"You cried?" Kili asks quickly with wide eyes, forgetting all about the uncomfortable sensation of having Oin cleaning his arrow wound.

"No!" You deny it with no small amount of embarrassment and indignation, pointedly avoiding looking at Kili since it's not the most dignifying thing. "I did not. Why would I even cry anyways? You were only writhing on the ground... screaming and practically sobbing any time any of us even got close to you..." It's not a memory that you want to hold onto for long, but what really gets you about it is how vividly you can remember his pained screams and agonized yells.

"Y/N..." Kili mumbles quietly, glancing over at his brother and Bofur who are looking at you with sympathetic expressions on their faces.

"Oh, shut up! This isn't even about me, so worry about yourself." You huff, pulling on the ends of his hair lightly before saying hurriedly, "Look! Oin's all done! I'm going to take a nap, now." And with that, you push his head off your lap and immediately lay down with your head on your bag, covering your face with your hood and wrapping your arms around yourself.

Kili sits up after you shove him off of you and looks at your curled up form with slight annoyance, speaking with a bit of humor to hopefully ease your tension, "Oh sure, go and push me off, thank you for that."

"You're welcome, dearie." You reply without hesitation, feeling a smile tug at the corners of your lips in spite of the slight sadness creeping into you mere seconds before. "Hush now, I'm sleeping."

He snickers at that but doesn't bother you anymore, so Fili speaks up and tells everyone, "30 minutes should be enough time for a break."

Nice.

---

There is only black when you first open your eyes.

You cannot see anything, though you can hear the crazed yells of a man.

He yells of the Arkenstone.

Of treachery.

Of distrust and wanting to keep something safe.

You feel a weight on your wrists suddenly, and when you look down you see transparent chains binding you to a throne, and more clearly this time you hear, "My key. My charm of good fortunes."

And then that voice turns angry and you hear a vicious yell, "Throw him from the ramparts!"

The black makes way for a blinding light, and when you look up everything around you shifts.

The light dies upon you and you feel an emptiness spread from your chest throughout the rest of your body.

Now, everything is gray.

The sky, the stone all around you, the blue-tinted ice beneath your feet, everything.

Very slowly you turn, eyes meeting that all too familiar sight of a raging battle below and a grand castle settled upon the Lonely Mountain.

The screams from the awe-inspiring town meet your ears once more and are very faint until suddenly it all stops.

Now all you hear is silence. A horrible, deafening silence that stretches out all around you.

And then, oh so softly, comes the broken, "No..." Of a man witnessing something truly dreadful. Something that, still, you cannot see.

Your body moves upon it's own accord, turning with a careful and painstakingly slow rotation, and once more you're met with the sight of Thorin, Bilbo, and Dwalin all staring ahead with matching hopeless and devastated countenances.

There is no other sound even when you see their mouths opening as they scream and cry, for the only thing you can hear is the painfully loud roaring of complete, deathly, silence.

You try, oh you try so hard, to look toward the source of their anguish, but like the night before your head refuses to abide by your wishes, and it's not until your vision zooms in automatically on that white hand and the chest of whoever this person holds that you can move.

You turn your head up to catch a glimpse, just a quick peek, at the face belonging to whoever this person is, but the sun blinds you mostly still and all you see is messy, braided, blond hair.

You know that hair.

Then you're back on the ground, looking down at the limp, bloodied body of somebody else, a gaping hole in their chest and a blur of brown hair and a short beard in your peripherals.

You know that figure.

In contrast of your dream from before, this time you get more than a quick look at someone getting stabbed in the chest, for you see a broken figure of someone laying lonely on ice until the soft sound of someone running towards you both reaches your ears.

You want to see who it is, and you try very hard to clear the haze and see their face, you and kind of get what you were wishing for.

His eyes are all you can see but still you know who it is.

You know .

Then your eyes fall upon Bilbo.

"Why are you just standing there?" He yells, walking up to you, seeming so much bigger than he actually is as he grabs your shoulders in a bruising grip. "Why didn't you do anything? How could you just watch them die?"

You shake your head and try to defend yourself, but when you open your mouth to reply, you find that you can't speak, and your cheeks begin to feel hot as tears run down them with record breaking speed.

"You could have stopped this!"

Once more you shake your head no and try to push his hands from your shoulders, but the hold stays and his yells grow louder.

"Wake up."

What?

"Y/N, you need to wake up! It's only a dream!"

You jolt awake and your eyes snap open quickly, your gaze flickering around above for a moment as you try to make sense of what's around you.

The first thing you see is the confused and very worried faces of Fili and Bofur, and the first thing you feel is the hotness of your face and the dampness of your cheeks.

Then, you see Kili and Oin just behind them, and your throat feels hoarse as your heart throbs painfully as the dream replays behind your eyes and the the hints that littered throughout your terror come back to you.

The realization you come to makes you sick to your stomach, but you push down the bile and sit up slowly, entangling your hands into your hair and putting your head between your knees as you try to force away the unpleasant nightmare.

Vaguely you feel a heavy hand pressing against your back and rubbing slow, soothing circles between your shoulder blades as you try to calm your breathing and rub away the tears staining your cheeks.

You stay in that position for a small while, until all the crying is done and over with and you can form a proper thought once more.

When you slowly sit up normally once again, you meet the worried stares of four others and immediately feel quite a bit worse.

"I'm fine."

The words leave you before you can even think of any explanation for what just happened, but truthfully after what you just saw you're not so sure you wanna share that with anyone else.

"Clearly you aren't." Fili challenges without hesitation, his eyebrows furrowed as he observes you carefully, "Your dream was distressing enough to make you scream and cry in your sleep, which isn't something that happens very often, especially not for any normal night terror."

You look away sharply and weakly shrug your shoulders, avoiding all eye contact. Not even wanting to see them after what you'd just witnessed in your unrestful state.

"Y/N..." Bofur mumbles your name sadly, reaching out to place his hand on your shoulder gently. "What has you so sad?"

"I-It was just a stupid dream." You insist once more, shying away from his gentle touch. "It's nothing..."

"It's not nothing! Why won't you tell us?" Kili asks sadly, adding after, "You've always told us before."

You shake your head slowly and say much softer this time, "Please... I don't wanna talk about it. Let's just go, okay?"

None of them seem to much like the idea of dropping it and heading out, but the clock is ticking and you all really need to get going before nightfall.

"Alright, alright. We will not force you to discuss it if you do not wish to." Fili tells you softly, wrapping his arm around your shoulders despite your hesitance to touch any of them. "We'll get going, and hopefully the hike will help your head to clear."

A relieved sigh leaves you and you nod your head quickly, "Yes, thank you."

---

Your spirits lifted after a little while of walking, and you actually found that you no longer feel so upset anymore.

I mean, only two thing from your odd dreams has actually happened, and those are things you already vaguely knew would occur anyways. You decide that it's nothing and you should just forget about it, especially since they're right in front of you now.

Some small talk with Kili and Bofur made helped you to forget, and Fili gave you a couple of encouraging and sweet words too that Oin backed up with a big smile and a confirmation of his own.

Suffice to say once you all arrived at Erebor, you were feeling much better.

And your happiness only multiplies when you find everyone still alive and kicking inside of that mountain.

Kinda.

Bilbo approaches you all before anyone else, and the first thing that comes out of his mouth is, "Stop! Stop! Stop! You need to leave. We all need to leave."

You look at him weirdly and reply in confusion, "What are you talking about? Bro, we literally just got here?"

The hobbit shakes his head and shoots back, "I tried talking to him, but he won’t listen."

This time Oin speaks, and he's just as freaked out and confused as you all, "Wh-what do you mean, laddie?"

"Thorin! Thorin. Thorin, he’s been down there for days." He takes a breath, still walking backwards while you all push forward, before continuing, "He doesn’t sleep, he barely eats. He’s not been himself, not at all. It’s this…it’s this place. I think a sickness lies upon it.

Your eyebrows furrow and you scratch the back of your head lightly, "That doesn't sound right..."

Fili looks distracted suddenly, and you follow him with your eyes as Kili asks, "A sickness? What kind of sickness?"

As soon as the younger dwarf says this, his brother rushes down the stairs while Bilbo calls after him, "Fili? Fili!"

You all rush after the blond dwarf, he's acting so strange all of a sudden, and that's when you see it.

A sea of shinning and shimmering gold before you, huge jewels and golden goblets, a room of beauty beyond belief, and a single dwarf standing amongst it all with a cape of fur and a shiny crown to match.

"Gold. Gold beyond measure, beyond sorrow and grieve."

Oh, yikes, that's kinda...

He notices you all looking, which makes you even more concerned that he's speaking to himself like that, and then bellows in a welcoming voice, "Behold, the great treasure hoard of Thrór." After he says this, he throws a piece of gold or something and Fili catches it, then he continues, "Welcome, my sister’s sons, to the Kingdom of Erebor."

Now, you're no mathematician, but something here ain't addin' up.

"Right... well this is all cool and fun and stuff, but where is everyone else?" You ask loudly, successfully gathering everyones attention onto you.

Thorin, not very surprisingly, seems to not know where they are, so Bilbo pipes up, "Follow me."

You all do except for Fili who stays behind with his uncle.

Please, god, don't let this get out of hand...

#the hobbit #reader #the hobbit fanfiction #fili #reader insert #kili #bofur #oin #the company x reader #return her pt. 8 #return her #fili x reader #kili x reader #bofur x reader

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tiny-prince-alef · 2 years

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Alef’s Journey Home: Chapter 15

(Author here. Here is chapter 15! Sorry it took so long! Mind you, it DOES contain some heavy themes and some spoilers for the Eye of Eden!)

Chapter 15: Dark Dragons

It had been an entire day since we made it to the broken building. During that time, we would talk, or in my case, cry, or sleep. I had many terrible dreams, all of them about the Darkstone and my Papa. I would wake up crying, Kohel soothing me back to sleep.

What if… What if he wasn’t up there? What if there was absolutely nothing there? Would this have been for nothing? Would Kohel and Kohar have died for nothing? These questions are why I’m too numb to move. Why I want to break my promise to the Elders.

But… I don’t want to disappoint them. I have to know… I have to know if he’s still up there. I have to do this for myself. With as much willpower as I can muster, I stand, my dark markings fading from my skin.

I must know.

“Alef, this area is going to be very dangerous. Stick as close as you can to us, okay? And no matter what happens, you must keep moving forward. Do not stop, even for us. Understand?” Kohel said firmly to me. Beyond the thick stone walls, I hear thunder. I nod, feeling sick to my stomach.

Each of the siblings lit a candle on either side of the door. I’ve never heard thunder quite like this; it sounds wrong. It feels ominous. As soon as the doors slid open, I immediately felt my stomach drop when I saw a Krill glide past in front of the doors.

I thought the rocks were bad enough, but now there was a Krill? “Stay close, Alef.” Kohar reiterated to me, and he glanced at his sister. “There’ll be another spot we can rest at, but I won’t lie to you; it’ll be really hard to get up there. But I know we can make it.” He said as we ascended upwards on foot. The wind was more powerful, and the sky was the same hellish red I saw the night I met my end…

I saw out in the distance there were even more Krill, all patrolling with their searching blue eyes.

Oh, this was certainly going to be difficult…

* * *

I don’t know where I am. But I’m so lonely and sad. I don’t remember what I used to look like. I can’t recall the sound of my own voice.

How long have I been here? There is nothing here. An empty, soundless void. I’m the only thing here.

My loneliness is dreadful. My sadness is overwhelming.

But, one day… Somebody stood in front of me.

Like me, they were featureless, but unlike myself, they were dark while I exuded a very pale light. I see that they are gazing at me. They seemed scared as they looked at me, but they weren’t scared of me.

Did they lose their Light? Is that why they looked so frightened and sad?

I don’t know why, but I reach my hand out for them. Maybe I can comfort them? When they grab my hand, I can feel how cold they are. I want to say something, but I can’t. Without a word, they open their arms for me, and I find myself recoiling away just slightly. Did they… did they sense how lonely and sad I was? They say something, but I can’t hear them; they too have lost their voice.

But I find myself collapsing into their arms. I feel nothing but cold exuding from them. However… When they embrace me, gently patting me on the back, I silently start to cry.

Oh, unknown child, I don’t want you to feel the same sorrow and loneliness that I do… I want you to go home, be with your friends and family and go on adventures with them.

I will help you.

* * *

There is just barely enough room for the three of us behind the rock we’re taking shelter behind as the boulders whip past us. Kohar and Kohel have me sandwiched between the two of them. The air is starting to get thicker with dust and soot, and it hurts my eyes.

I can’t hear what the two of them are saying over the roaring of the wind, but I’m immediately pulled forward by Kohar. I see the ominously glowing shards of red crystal, and I feel an agonizing pain on the left side of my face. I didn’t realize that I was screaming until I felt Kohel hugging me from behind.

“Alef! It’s okay! It’s alright!” I could barely hear her as I pressed my hand against my left eye. “It hurts! It hurts so much!” I cried out, feeling cold spreading underneath my fingers. The siblings are speaking to each other, but I can’t hear them.

Yet again, I felt myself being lifted onto Kohar’s back, and I sobbed out my protest.

“It’s the crystals! Get him away from them, Kohar!” Kohel shouts over the gale. I continued to protest as Kohar carried me through the storm, insisting that I can walk, that I don’t need to be carried.

When rocks come hurtling towards us, I scream in terror, bracing for the impact that would surely knock us all the way back down to the very beginning.

But it never comes. Am I crazy, or are the rocks… Are the rocks moving out of our way? They seemed to move around us as they approached.

“Alef! Your cloak!” Kohar called out to me, and I looked back. My cloak is glowing a blinding white, and it might have been my imagination, but I could have sworn that I saw a faint dome over the two of us.

That’s when I figured it out.

Even though they were gone, the Light of the Elders was protecting me.

They would always be with me.

My eyes filled with tears of gratitude.

Kohar keeps moving with me on his back, and I act as a shield for him. Kohel manages to safely catch up with us as we enter a large pipe filled with foul smelling Dark Water.

“The rest area is just up there! But we have to get past the Krill, and it won’t be easy!” Kohel said in a lower volume now that the wind wasn’t as strong here. I can hear the strange noises of the Krill as they slowly patrol the tower.

“I can’t carry Alef up, so we’ll have to take it carefully!” Kohar said more to Kohel than to me.

“Just be careful not to fall!” She said as we moved forward. I can see that rocks and fallen metal beams would serve as our staircase, but… There are at least three Krill blocking our way forward. And this “staircase” doesn’t look terribly stable.

“Kohel, you take the lead, Alef, you follow behind her, and I’ll take the rear in case you slip or fall!” Kohar instructed, and Kohel nodded.

We carefully dodge the first Krills sight by hiding behind some rocks just before it can spot us. However, climbing up the “stairs” was going to be more difficult; we’d be out in the open with hardly anywhere to hide. If we were spotted, we’d be open targets.

The steps upwards were crooked and all different heights, which made it difficult to climb quickly, especially since I was shorter than Kohar and Kohel. At first, we were doing fine, hiding wherever we could from the searching eyes of the Krill.

That is until a sudden strong breeze caused me to slip and fall. With a cry, I hung onto the metal beam I had been using as a bridge, trying to not fall down from the now high up place I was in. I can’t fly up; I have no stable ground beneath my feet to help me take off. “I got you, Alef! Hang on!” Kohar shouted, kneeling down carefully and grabbing at my arm. He grunted, trying to lift me back onto the beam while trying to not fall down himself.

When I see that Kohar was bathed in an angry red light and heard that low, guttural growl, I feel my heart stop. A Krill is looking directly at him, poised and ready to strike.

He quickly pulled me up, and he looked at Kohel, a determined but scared look on his face.

“Sis! I’m counting on you to get him to the end! Don’t let me down! I’ll see you both soon!” He shouted. He looked directly at me and he winked.

“I promise!” He said as he flapped up into the air, flying away from the tower, the Krill keeping its eye trained on him.

I screamed his name just as the Krill roared, tackling him out of the sky. He vanishes, I don’t know where he is.

His journey with us just came to an end.

* * *

I remember his voice when he would sing. Sweet like him, angelic and soothing.

I remember his smile, which shone brighter than any star I’ve ever seen.

I remember his eyes, sparkling with wonder and amazement at the smallest of curiosities.

I remember his love, which I so cruelly tossed aside in favor of my own ambitions and greed.

I am interrupted when I see through the eyes of a Dark Dragon. It has claimed yet another innocent child. My heart grows heavy when that precious Light vanishes.

But the stranger is still safe. I still cannot see who they are.

They grow ever closer to the proverbial finish line.

You are nearly there, stranger.

Don’t give up just yet.

#sky: children of the light #sky: cotl #sky: light awaits #alef #resh #prince alef #king resh #sorrowful king; resh #eye of eden

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taetaemilktea · 3 years

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Criminal Cuddles

Summary: It’s no secret that Taehyung is huge on physical affection and that Yoongi... well... just isn’t. But when Yoongi catches a cold and wants hugs and cuddles in the midst of his fever-ridden loneliness, Taehyung is happy to oblige—if only Namjoon wasn’t such a responsible leader.

Sickie: Yoongi

Caretaker: Taehyung, mild Namjoon and Seokjin

Word count: 1,996

Author’s Note: If you know me, you know I love contagion haha! You can expect a part 2 with sickie Taehyung in the future! Fic inspiration from @foreheadfeels. Thank you for reading!!

~~~

Slowly. Slowly. Sloooooowly. He was almost there. Two tiny tiptoes and Taehyung had reached the closed door to Yoongi and Seokjin’s room unnoticed. Smiling to himself, Taehyung quietly turned the door handle with utmost care to make as little noise as possible. He had the door knob turned all of the way and was about to quietly push the door open when he heard a stern, deep voice call out his name.

“Taehyung-ah.”

Shit.

Taehyung turned around to find Namjoon shaking his head, arms folded across his chest. He knew he was in for a lecture.

Yoongi had come down with a terrible cold a few days earlier that honestly resembled more of a flu given the fever that he had developed a few days into the illness. Hobi had caught him stifling messy, miserable sneezes into his sweatshirt sleeves, waking up later than his usual 7:00am for coffee, and had alerted the other members.

Seokjin had shoo-ed Yoongi into their shared bedroom, immediately giving him medicine and tissues in hopes that the cold wouldn’t worsen. His hopes had obviously been crushed. Yoongi had a fever, chills, and a horrible cough the next morning.

Immediately upon hearing that Yoongi was sick, Taehyung flung himself towards Yoongi’s room and aimed to get inside. Taehyung was Yoongi’s safe space when sick. Yoongi loved Hoseok more than words could explain and would call him his closest friend, but Hobi’s germaphobe tendencies meant that he was unavailable for sick cuddles. Taehyung, on the other hand, loved cuddles. He slept with a pillow in his arms and latched on to the members any chance he got.

Yoongi was known for always giving into whatever Taehyung wanted—playing extra rounds of games with him, handing over halves of his beloved tangerines when Taehyung asked for some. Yet, never one for physical affection, Yoongi would whine and push away when Taehyung tried to hug him. He just wasn’t big on physical affection.

When he was sick, however, he pulled a full 180 degrees. He would crave hugs and to be held, which is all Taehyung could ever hope to give his hyung. The caveat was that Namjoon was too responsible, noting that every time he let Taehyung in, Tae would exit Yoongi’s room the next day with the same budding cold. Namjoon became conditioned to keep a watchful eye on Taehyung whenever Yoongi, or any of the members for that matter, got sick. Speak of the devil—

“You’re not supposed to be going in there. Yoongi-hyung is sick and he needs to rest,” Namjoon frowned. Taehyung returned the frown with a pout.

“Aish, Namjoonie-hyung! Yoongi-hyung needs me!”

“He needs to take medicine and to sleep. I know you want to be with him but you can see him in a few days when he’s feeling better. I can’t have you going in there anymore, otherwise you’ll catch his cold.”

“But you and Seokjinnie-hyung go in there all of the time. Why can’t I go in too?”

“Seokjin and I give him medicine. And we refill his water and take his temperature to make sure that his fever isn’t too high, Tae.”

“I do that too,” Taehyung retorted, a bit offended that he too wasn’t considered a caretaker of the group. Namjoon couldn’t help but chuckle, uncrossing his arms to instead face palm.

“I mean, sure Taehyung-ah, you’re very helpful. But after you’re done with all of that, you always crawl into his bed, snuggle up close, and practically help him hold tissues to his nose. That’s literally how you catch his colds all the time. Besides, you have to record with the rest of the vocal line later this week and I can’t have you getting sick.”

Taehyung frowned. He knew Namjoon was right. Sometimes he wished his leader wasn’t so good at, well, being a leader. There had been countless times when he, always prone to catching colds, would have to postpone their vocal recordings because he was too congested or had a fever too high to go into the recording studio. He always felt guilty about it, but he equally felt guilty about being unable to cuddle Yoongi to make him feel better.

Namjoon sensed the younger man’s sadness and walked closer to him, slinging an arm around his shoulder and walking him away from Yoongi’s door.

“You can see him real soon, Tae-ah. You just have to wait a little while longer. How about we go pick up some lunch? Are you hungry?”

Taehyung shook his head. All he wanted was to hold Yoongi, to make him feel loved.

~~~

Taehyung spent the rest of his afternoon moping. He tried to work on lyrics for his mixtape, but his heart wasn’t in it. He had played a few games with Jungkook, but was unenthusiastic and let Jungkook win (even though the Golden Maknae probably would’ve won anyway). Hoseok and Jimin seemed to notice his sad demeanor and aimed to cheer him up, but both knew it wasn’t worth the effort. They settled for giving him hugs and patting him on the back to reassure him.

~~~

Cup of tea and medicine in hand, Seokjin quietly pushed open his bedroom door to find Yoongi fast asleep in bed. His hair was simultaneously sticking up in different directions and sticking flat to his forehead as beads of sweat collected on his brow. Even in sleep, the poor man looked absolutely miserable.

Seokjin placed the tea and medicine on the bedside table, grabbing the thermometer from the bathroom cabinet and returning to Yoongi’s bedside. He gently shook him awake.

“Yoongi-ah? Yoongi-ah, it’s time to wake up.”

Yoongi rolled over with his eyes still closed and gave a moan of discomfort, eyebrows knit in confusion. One more gentle shake and Yoongi blearily opened his eyes, looking up at Seokjin.

“I’d say ‘good morning’ but it’s clearly evening now,” Seokjin smirked, motioning to the dark night sky just behind the window blinds. Yoongi merely peered up with a dazed, sickly look.

“Your fever doesn’t look any better,” Seokjin frowned, sitting on the bed and preparing the thermometer. Yoongi seemed to think for a second.

“I don’t feel good,” Yoongi rasped through his sore and aching throat.

“No kidding,” Seokjin chuckled, popping the thermometer into Yoongi’s mouth. They sat in silence until it beeped and Seokjin took it out. He frowned at the number. No wonder Yoongi seemed so delirious. He helped Yoongi to sit up and handed him the tea and medicine. The younger took it wordlessly, sighing as the warm liquid eased down his throat. He let out a few hoarse coughs before plopping back against the pillows and letting out a low moan, followed by a set of sneezes into the crook of his elbow.

“hH! hH’ESHHh!! hH’RSHh!! hH’ESHH’hiuhh!!”

Seokjin winced, internally praising himself for remembering to put on a mask before coming into the room.

“What else can I get you? Water? Do you have a headache? I can get you pain relievers?” Seokjin asked, handing Yoongi a tissue from the box on the bedside table.

“I’m okay. Thank you hyung.” Yoongi paused and seemed to think for a moment. “Is Taehyungie here?” He looked up at Seokjin with sad, fever-muddled eyes. Seokjin’s heart broke. He knew how much Yoongi loved to have Taehyung to keep him company while sick.

Before Seokjin even had a chance to respond, Taehyung peeked his head around from behind the open bedroom door where he had, no doubt, been listening in.

“Yoongi-hyung, I’m here. Please let me in, Seokjinnie-hyung,” he pleaded, looking worriedly at Yoongi. Seokjin sighed. He was easily persuaded. Unlike Namjoon, Seokjin wasn’t a leader of a world famous band. He was an eldest brother. The responsible hyung in him told him the keep Taehyung out, but the soft and caring hyung argued to let him in. He looked down at Yoongi, whose face dampened with disappointment. It only broke Seokjin further.

“Aish, Yoongi-ah. You’re not making this very easy for me,” he chuckled. He gave a sigh, followed by a long pause. “Fine. Come in, Taehyungie.”

Taehyung’s pout widened into his famous boxy smile as Yoongi met him with his signature gummy smile. Seokjin couldn’t help but laugh.

“You two are ridiculous. Namjoon is going to have my ass for this.”

In his fever delirium, Yoongi murmured, “That’s why you’re the best hyung.”

“I’m your only hyung,” Seokjin laughed, picking up the empty tea cup and swiftly leaving the room so Taehyung and Yoongi wouldn’t see his ears blush bright red at the complement.

“Come sit, Taehyung-ah,” Yoongi grinned and patted the bed. Taehyung walked over and, instead, pulled back the covers, climbing into bed and immediately snuggling close to Yoongi’s side. Yoongi hummed a laugh but it rapidly turned into a fit of hoarse coughs that he aimed away from Taehyung. He took a sip of water before resting his head against Taehyung’s chest.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Yoongi admitted once the coughing died down. While oftentimes very independent, Yoongi had been starting to feel lonely from being isolated in his room for so long.

“Me too. I’m definitely going to get in trouble for this, but it’s worth it.”

Yoongi smiled. “Namjoon won’t be mad for long, you know him,” Yoongi referenced their responsible, yet kindhearted leader.

“I know, but I have to record this week. I can’t let the vocal line down. Who knows, maybe I won’t get sick?”

Yoongi shook his head. “You will. You always do,” he gave a tired sigh and closed his eyes.

“I can’t help it,” Taehyung pouted. Yoongi murmured a hum in response. Taehyung’s familiar Daegu accent made him feel at ease and he could feel himself being pulled closer and closer towards sleep as Taehyung rubbed his wide palms and long fingers gently up and down his back.

Taehyung noticed that the warm fever was draining Yoongi’s already limited energy supply. He turned the lamp off and wrapped his arms around Yoongi, throwing a leg over his small waist. Humming “Winter Bear” out of habit, Taehyung’s deep and calming voice put Yoongi to sleep before Taehyung had even had a chance to whisper “Good night, hyung.”

~~~

Namjoon happily walked into the dorm carrying a bag full of Taehyung’s favorite treats and cough drops for Yoongi in his hand. He had felt a bit guilty about being stern with Taehyung earlier. He knew that Taehyung understood his orders, but couldn’t help feeling bad at seeing him with such a sad demeanor all day. He hoped the snacks would cheer him up—he knew how much Taehyung loved his strawberry yogurt!

Upon walking into the kitchen, Namjoon found Seokjin, Hoseok, Jungkook, and Jimin happily eating dinner together.

“Hey!” Namjoon greeted with a smile. “Save me some food please. I’m just going to go bring these to Tae real quick. Is he in his room?”

The four members seated at the table glanced anxiously at each other, each avoiding eye contact with their leader. Seokjin took a suspiciously long sip of water.

“Really, Jin?” Namjoon sighed in realization.

Seokjin just blushed.

Namjoon made his way to Yoongi’s room and quietly pushed the door open. He couldn’t help but grin at the sight he saw.

Yoongi was curled into a ball with his head laid on Taehyung’s chest. His nose was bright red and his cheeks were flushed a bright pink. He sniffled softly and curled closer into Taehyung, who had his face smushed into the pillow with his arms around Yoongi’s small frame. Namjoon had to admit, it was quite hard to be mad at such a sight. While the leader in him knew the following week would need to be adjusted if Taehyung got sick, he felt it was worth it to see that Yoongi, who had seemed in deep misery and discomfort each time Namjoon had walked into the room that week, slept peacefully with a hint of a soft and happy grin etched into his face.

#bts snzfic #bts sickfic #bts snz #bts whump #sick!yoongi #caretaker!taehyung

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hanniiesuckle17 · 4 years

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Stray Kids Reaction: S/o Falls Back Into Old Habits

A/n: so this is a more serious request! if any of my readers feel like they need to talk to someone (whether about this or not) my messages are always open to anyone and everyone. Also this did get a little personal for me, (Jisung’s is based on my personal experience)

Requested by: Anonymous

Warnings: (TRIGGER WARNING)Mentions of eating disorders, cursing

Tag List: @distrikt9 @mini-meanhoe @poeticallyspaghetti @hanstagrams @desertofdessert @yangomangos

Bangchan:

You had a history of not making the healthiest choices when it came to weight loss. It was a secret you kept to yourself. A secret you thought you wouldn’t have to deal with again. But, life sometimes throws stuff at you, and you can't help but fall back into old habits.

You knew Chan adored you. That didn’t mean hate comments got any easier to read. It was almost impossible to avoid them. Chan was always in the public eye, so it wasn’t long before your relationship was outed. At first, it was fine. Most of the Stray Kids fans accepted you; they wanted Chan happy.

Eventually, after all the commotion died down, anti-fans started to surface. They had found old pictures of you from high school and posted them with cruel comments. It was difficult with Chan away from home so much. You felt like you were alone, with no one to help guide you away from the dark places the comments were leading you towards.

The old pictures resurfacing reminded you of how you used to look when you were younger. It was easy to see the change in your body weight. You had started working through lunch. It was a simple excuse. It wasn’t a lie that your workload had doubled over the past week, though Chan was upset you skipped a meal, he understood.

But your old mentality started to creep back in. The next meal to go was breakfast. Chan was usually gone before you got up so he didn’t notice. What he did notice was you slowly losing your appetite at dinner. At first, he thought you were just a little sick. He made sure to stock up on medicine next time he picked up groceries. However, in your mind, you still weren’t losing the weight you wanted fast enough. Knowing Chan would freak if you stopped eating dinner you decided to hide a bottle of diet pills behind a couple shoeboxes at the top of your closet.

“Hey, Y/n? You wanna order a pizza?” Chan called from your bedroom. A pizza sounded divine. The sound of your stomach rumbling made you feel guilty. There was no way you would ruin this streak just for a pizza.

“Umm...you can! I ate a little earlier.” You called back. There was a moment of silence. You figured he was just picking up some dirty laundry or something.

“Baby, when did you eat? You didn’t have lunch with me and-”

Chan’s voice stopped all of a sudden. “I didn’t what?” You asked flipping through your phone. You frowned yet again coming across some hate comments. Sighing you tossed your phone onto the other side of the couch. “Babe?” You called still not hearing back from your boyfriend. Looking up you found Chan standing in the hallway holding a familiar white bottle in his hands.

“What the hell is this?”

Chan was angry. He was more than angry. He was pissed. He looked hurt when he tossed the bottle to you. “They are just diet pills, Chan.” His teeth dragged across his lip and his hands came to rest on his hips.

“No. Only half the bottle is left! Y/n this is dangerous. I know you’ve been skipping meals!” You flinched as Chan raised his voice. He noticed and came over to you. His hands wrapped around yours, shaking a little bit. “Y/n....I’m scared for you....I’ve been scared for you. You won’t talk to me. I know about the hate and the meals, but this? Baby. You’ve gotta talk to me.”

You looked at your boyfriend crouched in front of you, holding back tears. “Chan...it was just hard not to go back to bad habits. I’m so sorry.” Tears fell from his eyes hearing you speak. He dropped his head into your lap, still holding your hands tightly. He looked up, eyes puffy and red. His lips pressed against the back of my hand.

“I’m with you, yeah? I love you. I’m not going to let you do this alone.”

Minho:

Being a model was one of the best jobs you had ever had. It wasn’t as easy as everyone thought. You had great expectations put on you. At any given moment your agency could call you and say that you needed to drop fifteen pounds and chop off half your hair and you would have to do it to keep your contract.

Minho was used to your crazy weight-loss diets and coming home to you running on the treadmill with six coats on. He trusted you to be safe with whatever you were doing. He always checked in on you, even when he was away on tour.

Little texts making sure you were alright. Facetimes before he went to sleep. But, it was better having Mino home with you. Thankfully he would be home for the next six months.

The blare of your ringtone woke you up from a deep sleep. Minho was still sound asleep next to you and two of the cats were snuggled up at the foot of the bed. Seeing the agency as the caller id, you picked it up. They gave you the requirements for the job as well as the deadline. “Next week!” You exclaimed trying to keep Minho from waking up.

After a few more exchanged words you hung up the phone and lay in bed. “Twenty pounds?” You whispered to yourself. There was absolutely no way you could do this in time without not being healthy. But, the pay day was huge. There was no way you could pass up this gig if you wanted to make rent this month. The only problem would be Minho. He would totally scream at you if he found out you weren’t being healthy losing the weight.

Hell, the weight they wanted you to be wasn’t exactly healthy either. Your boyfriend stirred next to you, wrapping an arm around your middle. The next week you did everything possible to lose the weight. You skipped meals and you practically lived at the gym.

“Babe, have you eaten yet?” Minho said over the phone. He spoke to you on speakerphone as you ran with a hoodie on the treadmill in your apartment. You were three days away from your deadline with still five pounds left to lose.

“Yeah,” You said out of breath. Lie. “I ate a big salad a couple hours ago.” Another lie. You hadn’t eaten anything in the last seventy-four hours. He sighed over the phone. “What’s wrong, Minho?”

“Y/n we ran out of lettuce like two days ago, babe.”

Letting out a nervous laugh, you turned off the treadmill. “Minho.... I-uh...I ordered one-” You heard the line click. He hung up. “Oh fuck.” You said head in your hands. You shed the jacket and raced to your closet. You grabbed one of Minho’s big sweaters and threw it over your head. About ten minutes later the front door opened, Minho storming in throwing his stuff on the counter. “Hey! Did management let you off early-”

Without a word, he grabbed your wrist and pulled you out of the apartment. The next thing you knew you were walking up the stairs of your agency. The two of you blew past your boss’s secretary. “What the fuck, man!?” Minho screamed bursting into my boss’s office. “Do realize you are driving my girlfriend slowly off a cliff? She could kill herself just trying to meet your expectations! LITERALLY.”

Your boss was completely shocked. He was at a loss for words. “This is not on Y/n. This is on you for making her feel like she ever had to feel like she had to use such drastic measure simply to please your patriarchal sexist ass.” You felt like crying seeing Minho defend you. It was true. It was your choice to skip meals, but mostly out of fear of the termination of your contract.

“Sir-”

“No. I don’t think you know who I am. One word from me to the press could ruin you in this industry for the rest of your life.” Your boss stayed silent. Clearly fearing for his reputation. “Now, you are going to let Y/n end her contract, with full compensation, on the grounds of employee abuse.” Minho narrowed his eyes, completely furious. “Got it?”

He nodded and Minho took your hand in his and led you out of the office. “Thank you, Min.” You whispered, kissing his shoulder.

“You’ve got to tell me, babe. I’m not gonna stand by while you are forcing yourself through this.”

Changbin:

Changbin wasn’t the most observant man on the planet. But, it was very hard to slip anything past him when it came to you. His job was demanding and took up far more of his time than either of you would like, but the man was clingy even from a distance.

You just dropped him off at the airport not four hours ago and he was already facetiming you. With Changbin gone, your apartment felt empty. The days seemed to blur together. Days flooded into nights and nights blended into early mornings. You were sad and missed him a lot. So you did the best thing you could think of to distract yourself was throw yourself into your work.

The tour was nowhere near its end and you were bringing more and more work home. You got into the bad habit of skipping meals and you barely ate anything for dinner, choosing instead to work. Most nights you fell asleep at your desk, having not eaten anything all day.

Changbin would call at all hours of the night, so caught up in tour life he had forgotten that it was three am where you were. You didn’t mind, however, the calls always ended with you missing him even more. If things were really bad you would go down to the bakery and eat an entire cake by yourself only to refuse food for the rest of the week.

“I’m so lonely here without you,” You said to the glow of your laptop screen. Changbin’s face filled the screen. He was barefaced and had a hoodie covering his messy hair. Seeing your boyfriend even just through a facetime call was a godsend. “It’s been really hard keeping it together. When are you coming home?”

He sighed. Clearly, he wasn’t handling the distance well either. “Four days.” Your head dropped into your hands. Four days. You could handle four more days. The question was could your body handle four more days? “Sweetie, you don’t look too good. Are you sure you are taking care of yourself?” Changbin looked seriously worried.

The internal struggle of whether to tell him or not was evident.

“Y/n, you can tell me anything. I’m worried about you.”

Your fingers raked through your hair. Changbin let out an anxious sigh. He knew silence from you was a bad sign. “I haven’t exactly been eating well lately.” His face grew somber.

“How not exactly?”

“Like....at all.”

“Y/n!” Changbin exclaimed. You were sure that he had woken up whatever boy he was sharing a room with. He broke seeing the shame on your face. How he had not noticed sooner was shameful to him. Your face was starting to sink in and dark circles lay under your eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want to bring up past problems I had and worry you with them. They are mine to deal with.”

Changbin shook his head. “I want to share your problems, sweetie. Your problems are mine and I’m glad to take them.” He paused simply looking at you with care. “Do you want me to come home? I’ll be on the first flight out?”

“I can’t make you do that. The boys and STAY need you.”

“You need me more right now.”

Hyunjin:

Your mother was lapping you. She was getting married twice. You weren’t even married once! It didn’t help at all that your mother was one of the most judgemental living on the planet. All her friends were a close second. She had been hounding you for years to get a boyfriend. She was always nagging on you to settle down and give her grandchildren.

Hyunjin coming into your life was the best thing that had ever happened to you. He made you feel fully yourself and even helped you out of some really bad habits that your mother had gotten you into. Hyunjin slowly helped you rebuild your self-esteem and you loved him more every day for it.

“Y/n, last time I saw you it looked like you had been putting on quite a bit of weight. I’ve already sent you the dress I want you wearing and you need to fit in it by the wedding. Am I clear?” The shrill voice of your mother filled the room. Why did you put her on speakerphone again? You looked at the lilac colored dress you were holding in the mirror. “Y/n?”

“Yes, mother. I understand.” There was no way you were fitting into this. She sent it to you this morning and the wedding was nine days away. It wasn’t surprising she pulled something like this. She always had impossible standards to hold you too. Having enough of your mother, you hung up the phone.

With a sigh, you grabbed the dress and tried to put it on. It was by far the most unflattering garment you had ever worn. You couldn’t close the zipper and it emphasized all the wrong places on your body. You could barely breathe in the tight fabric. Wiping stressed tears from your face, you shedded the frock. The choice of never giving down your mother's complaints or simply wearing a different dress were pounding against your skull.

If only Hyunjin wasn’t still on a dating ban. Then you could tell your mother how happy you were with him and she would stop hounding about your weight and appearance. But, that wasn’t the case. Only eight more months. Eight more months and you could shout about Hyunjin from the rooftops without a care. Until then, you had to lose a lot of weight as soon as possible.

As much as it hurt you to go behind Hyunjin’s back, you returned to your old habits, skipping most of your meals. It was easy to hide at first. Hyunjin would come home late from practice, so he didn’t find it unusual for you to have ‘eaten’ before him.

However, what wasn’t normal, was you getting dizzy spells. But you were so close to fitting in that dress you couldn't stop. Hyunjin was lounging on the couch, flipping through random channels. The edge of your vision started to blur out, making you clutch the counter for balance. Taking some deep breaths you focused on centering yourself. “Baby, you okay?” Hyunjin said, his voice laced with concern. He was already making his way over to you, hand finding the small of your back.

You pushed away from the counter to respond to your boyfriend, but your knees buckled under you. Hyunjin caught you, pulling you into his chest. “Oh shit- Y/n, baby. Look at me. How many fingers am I holding up?” Hyunjin held up three long fingers that looked more like five or six. You groaned, leaning into him.

Hyunjin, slightly panicking, pulled you over to the couch and laid you down. You watched him pick up his phone ready to dial emergency services. “Jinnie! No! Don’t. Really, I’m fine. It was just a dizzy spell.” He narrowed his eyes at you.

“You haven't had a dizzy spell since-” His words caught in his throat and he turned to you in shock. “Y/n...when was the last time you ate.” Your hands covered your face, rubbing your temples.

“I had a ramen cup. Don’t worry.”

Hyunjin involuntarily rolled his eyes letting out a frustrated huff. “I didn’t say what. I said ‘when’. ‘When’, Y/n!” He sighed seeing you struggle to think back on the past few days.

“I think....like two and a half days ago?” Hyunjin sighed, picking up his phone again. He walked into another room and returned about ten minutes later. You watched him walk to the kitchen and grab a Gatorade from the fridge. He placed it in front of you just as the doorbell rang. He ran a hand through his blonde hair as he took a huge bag from a man at the door.

“Eat. Drink.” He said placing the bag of takeout in front of you. He unwrapped the food and twisted the cap off the drink, placing it in your hand and lap. He had a worried look on his face as he watched you begin to eat. “I called your mom.”

You immediately started choking on the food, giving Hyunjin yet another panic attack. “You WHAT?”

“I told her about us. I know the wedding and all her expectation is what is causing you stress. I told her to add me to the guest list and that you’re showing up in whatever you want to wear and that she better not say one word about it or else she’ll hear some choice words from me.”

Your eyes softened and you wrapped your arms around his neck. He nuzzled his face in your hair letting out a staggered sigh. “Anytime you feel like that, you’ve got to come tell me. I hurt when you hurt. I hurt even more when you try to keep me from helping you.”

Jisung:

Your stomach growled. In the past three days, you had eaten nothing but a couple crackers and a few pieces of cheese. College had been really rough on you lately. Classes were tough and you had resorted to stress eating while Jisung was away and working. It was even worse when he went off on tour.

Without him around your self-esteem was at an all time low. In your mind, it was only a matter of time before Jisung came back with a girl who was much prettier, much skinnier, and just....better...than you. It wasn’t easy to tell Jisung this. You had never really been great at talking about your feelings.

The sound of your cell phone buzzed against the kitchen counter. It was almost midnight so only one person could be texting you. Your hands swiped through the notifications until you could read the message. Jisung.

Hey bb! <3 Gonna be home late. So sorry :( don't wait up for me

You sighed and grabbed a water bottle from the fridge. Your boyfriend was right, as much as you hated to admit it. There was no point in waiting up for him. The edge of your vision started to blur out so you shook your head and blinked a few times. “A hot shower would probably do me some good.” You said to the empty apartment.

Tossing your clothes in the hamper, you walked in your underwear into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Suddenly you felt dizzy, heat flooding the small room, fogging up the mirror. Your head started to spin. The orientation of the room seemed to flip upside down. You grabbed at anything knowing you were going to fall any second. The shower curtain came down with you, your head banging against the shower wall and then against the bathtub.

Black clouded your vision as hot water pelted down on you from the showerhead.

Jisung turned the lock of your shared apartment at about two in the morning. The first thing he noticed was the lights in the kitchen and bedroom were still on. He tossed his bag on the counter and set his phone down beside it. “Baby? You still up?” He called into the apartment. “Y/n?” He asked hearing the shower running.

He gently wrapped his knuckles on the door. After a few minutes of not hearing a reply, he started to get a little worried. “Y/n? Babe.” Slowly he pushed open the door and peeked his head into the bathroom. His eyes widened seeing you passed out shower curtain falling on top of you. “OH SHIT!”

Jisung burst into the bathroom and threw the shower curtain away from your unconscious body. He shut off the water and cradled your head away from the shower wall. As gently as he could he picked you up and set you on the bed the both of you shared. “Fuck. My phone. Where’s my phone?” Jisung scrambled, running out of the bedroom. He was frantic.

“911. What is your emergency?” The calm voice of the operator spoke to him.

“My girlfriend. She uh--....fuck. She fell in the shower. I don’t know. I just came home. I think she hit her head.” Jisung ran a stressed hand through his hair, his feet carrying him back to the bedroom. He nodded at the operator's instructions and kept them on the phone as he grabbed one of his shirts from your closet to cover you up.

The paramedics arrived and loaded you up in an ambulance. Your heavy eyes opened slowly and you looked around the back of the emergency vehicle. It hurt to turn your head, which was still making you feel dizzy. Jisung sat beside you, holding your hand tightly, head down, and tears falling down his cheeks. “Jisung...” You croaked out.

His head shot up and he didn’t even bother trying to hide his tears. “Baby! Oh, thank god! Y/n you scared me half to death! What the hell happened?” He held your hand tightly, kissing along your knuckles.

“I’m so sorry, Ji....I only meant to skip a couple meals. I thought...I thought I had it under control.” You continued to ramble trying to make sure the words were coming out the way you wanted. Jisung looked heartbroken next to you.

“Y/n....you can’t...fuck...I love you so much. You’ve gotta tell me this stuff, okay?” He said choking up. You had never seen him so upset, so broken. “I can’t lose you. You’re perfect to me always.” You nodded, tears falling down your own cheeks.

“I’m so sorry-...I’m so sorry. I should have told you...”

Felix:

After being a trainee since you were fourteen, you had picked up an unhealthy mindset about your body image. The weekly weigh-ins your company put you through always had you watching your weight down to the ounce. There had been several incidents regarding your health and some unhealthy weight choices, thankfully they hadn’t been leaked to the press and your company covered it up. Felix had been your friend since you debuted and you had been dating for almost a year and a half. The two of you kept it a secret since both of you were still under a dating ban. Felix was always there for you when you needed him. Even if that meant him coming to find you in a broom closet because you were having a rough time and needed a hug.

Comeback season was always a rough time for the both of you. His group was busy, your group was busy. There was hardly any time to see each other. Promotions were even worse, especially for you. You felt like you had to constantly watch what you were eating since there were cameras all around you. You limited you food intake to one small meal a day, choosing to drink lots of weight loss shakes and water instead. Your secret diet plan had been working for years. You hadn’t had an incident since debut.

Your stomach growled as you looked in the mirror. “Y/n, did you eat?” Your leader asked brushing extra blush across her cheeks. You shook your head, knowing your voice would waver if you tried to lie.

“I’ll get something after the performance.”

The sound of other performances were playing on the music shows backstage TV. The skirt you were wearing was squeezing your stomach the fabric unbearably tight. “Girls, you’re up next! Stray Kids is after you. Backstage in two.” A stagehand said popping into the room then quickly exited. The members of your group started filing out of the room, heading backstage.

Stray Kids were waiting backstage already. You waved at Felix in the dark as you all came to stand next to them. You felt yourself get hot all of sudden and the room was beginning to tilt. The heels you were wearing made it a little more difficult for you to catch your balance.

You felt a hand on your back, steadying you. Felix appeared behind you, a concerned expression on his handsome face. “You okay, darling?” You nodded and brushed a bead of sweat from your forehead.

“Yeah. Just got a little dizzy for a second.”

Felix still looked concerned but gave you a quick kiss on the cheek after making sure no one was looking. “I’ll see you after your performance, darling.” He whispered in your ear before sending you onstage. Your group got in position and started performing your new song. Your head was spinning and you felt like you were going to pass out under the white hot stage lights.

The lyrics to your part of the song came out breathy as you danced in the center. It was evident you weren’t giving your one hundred percent, but you smiled through the pain you were feeling. You let your face fall as you transitioned to the back. If you could just hold on until the song was over.

In the middle of the dance break, your body couldn’t take it anymore. Your eyes rolled back in your head and you crumpled onto the floor, your body had been running on zero fuel for too long and gave out. The gasps of the audience stopped the performance and your group members froze in place. You felt someone run next to you and turn you over. You dazed eyes looked up to see Felix, fear plastered all over his face.

“We need to get her to the hospital.” Your leader said ushering the two of you off stage. Felix carried you in his arms until you were resting on the hospital bed, still in your stage clothes. Felix and your leader sat in the room with you while the doctors ran several tests. They hooked an IV up to your arm and waited for the doctor to return.

“So, who are you again?” The doctor asked pointing to Felix and your leader. She introduced herself, but before she could say anything else Felix interrupted her.

“I’m Felix, Y/n’s boyfriend. What going on, doctor?” She turned to you with wide eyes pointing at Felix. You motioned to her and an unspoken promise was made that you would talk about it later. She gave you a stern motherly look before turning back to what the doctor was saying.

“Well. She is severely malnourished. Her blood sugar and iron are dangerously low.” Felix put his head in his hands, clearly upset. “I’m seeing in her records this has occurred before?” Felix nodded reached for your hand. “Well, I want her to stay here until the IV is drained and someone should make sure she is eating and resting well.” The doctor wrote out a copy of meds and instructions for both Felix and your leader.

You watched Felix listen intensely on everything the doctor said about your health, taking notes of his own. Eventually, the doctor and your leader left the room. “Darling...I should have figured it out when you said you were dizzy. I’m so sorry. I should have- Fuck, I saw the sign and I didn’t do anything.” He rested his head in his hands clearly upset. You pulled him over to you and wrapped your arms around him.

“Thank you, for being here for me. That’s all I need.” You kissed the top of his head and buried your face in his neck.

Seungmin:

You could tell Seungmin anything. You had been best friends before you started dating and were basically inseparable. There was only one thing Seungmin didn’t know about you, your history with not so healthy weight loss methods. In highschool like most students, your self esteem was a soul sucking bottomless pit.

Every insecurity was brought to light by your cruel peers. Feeling broken you sought comfort looking magazines filled with beautiful women. Beautiful skinny women. Your desire to be like them grew stronger as you grew older. At first, you only skipped meals when extra work needed to be done. To you, there was no bad consequence at the time. Not only would you lose a little weight but you would get more accomplished.

Then skipping meals became a regular thing. You would usually get dinner with Seungmin most nights but still ate light. Seungmin paid no mind to it, assuming you were eating healthy during the day.

After a few months, he noticed you were extremely thin to an unhealthy degree. Seungmin was hesitant to ask you about it at first. You were an adult and could take care of yourself. He also didn’t want to come off as clingy and intrusive, but he was really worried about you to the point where he would lose sleep wondering if you had actually eaten that day and lied to him over a phone call.

Soon, he had enough. “Y/n, be honest with me.” He exclaimed one day while he was over at your apartment. You stopped mid-sip of water and turned to your boyfriend. “You’re skipping meals aren’t you?”

Silence filled the apartment. Every sound seemed to have been amplified. The dripping water of the bathroom faucet, the clock in the kitchen, the fabric of Seungmin’s sweater brushing against the couch. He watched you with determined eyes.

“Are you mad at me?” You asked hesitantly. He let out a heavy sigh taking your hands in his. He looked hurt.

Your boyfriend looked back up at you. He seemed to be studying every detail of your face. The bags under your eyes. The way your cheeks had begun to sink in. “I’m not mad.” He whispered. Seungmin took his time choosing his next words with care. “I’m worried, Y/n. Look at you. You are clearly not healthy. This has gotten out of hand.”

You felt exposed. Raw. Vulnerable. You felt small. Seungmin was right. What you were doing wasn’t healthy. It wasn’t safe, but you couldn’t just stop. It had gotten to the point that you barely had an appetite during normal meal times.

“Min...I can’t just stop. I’m really messed up aren’t I?”

Seungmin pulled you into his chest, resting his head on yours. “No more than anyone else.” He whispered. It felt like a weight lifted off your shoulders knowing that Seungmin knew your secret. You didn’t feel alone anymore. “We can get you the help you need. All I want is for you to be healthy and happy.”

There were a million things you wanted to say to him, but actions seemed to work better. You nodded against his chest, letting your arms fall from around his neck to rest gently over his heart. “I should have told you sooner.” You said softly, listening to his heartbeat.

His fingers softly ran through your hair. “What matters is you told me. I’m not going to let you go through this alone anymore. I’m always here for you, Y/n.”

Jeongin:

You had recently got a new roommate. A roommate who looked like she walked straight out of a Victoria’s Secret magazine. It didn’t help that she often walked around in her body hugging workout gear. You felt pudgy next to her. She was of course the nicest person on the planet which didn’t make your jealousy decrease any more than it should. In reality, it only grew more.

You wanted what she had. At first, you just started with a diet and exercise. Jeongin was happy to work out with you in the gym. He loved going on night runs with you near the Han river. But, you just weren’t getting the results you wanted. You still looked like a blobfish next to your roommate and were seeing no near progress anytime soon.

The first thing that Jeongin noticed was you stopped letting him come around to your apartment. In your mind the less he saw your roommate the less likely he was to compare you too. Not that he would, but there was always this doubt in the back of your mind.

The second was your dramatic change in demeanor. A cloud of depression seemed to hang over you wherever you went. You were tired and not acting like yourself. Lastly, he noticed you getting thinner and thinner.

You had cut out so many things from your diet that you were basically only eating a few crackers and slices of cheese a couple times a day. You stopped going out to dinner with Jeongin, choosing to go out when you knew you wouldn’t be eating.

He had no idea how to approach you, but he was worried sick. So, he went to the one person he knew he could trust with anything. Chan. He sat done with Chan and told him about everything he was thinking and feeling. After getting advice from his hyung he felt much better about asking you what was going on.

The two of you were on one of your Han river night runs. The pace you were running at was slower than usual. Jeongin made sure to go your speed, picking up on little things he noticed. “Y/n, are you sure you are alright?” He asked, stopping.

You nodded hands resting on your knee. Your chest was tight and your stomach hurt. It felt like hot volcanic air was pressing down on you like an anvil. “I’m fine. I just need a break.” He nodded and crouched down next to you. Not many people were out since it was later in the evening, but Jeongin still kept an eye out for pedestrians who might come by.

“Angel, you don’t look good at all.” He said rubbing your back. “Come sit for a minute.” Not letting you say anything against the notion he dragged you over to a bench and handed you his water bottle. You flinched tasting what was in it. Definitely not water.

“What is this?”

“Don’t worry. It’s got plenty of electrolytes in it. Just drink, angel. You need it.”

Jeongin rubbed your back as you drank from the bottle. “How did you know I needed that?” You questioned still out of breath. You attempted to hand him back the water bottle but he put it back in your hands.

“I know you haven’t been taking care of yourself.”

You sighed head in your hands. “How long have you known?”

He shrugged playing with a bracelet on his wrist. “Maybe a week,” He had known for that long and he hadn’t said anything? Why? He gave you a tight-lipped smile as if reading your thoughts. “I was hoping you would tell me. But, you come first before anything.” He laced his fingers with yours. “Why are you skipping meals, angel?”

You sighed, looking out at the water, feeling much better now. “I was jealous of my roommate. She just is so fit and gorgeous. I feel so inferior next to her.” You hand carded through your messy hair as you looked up at your boyfriend. “Maybe I was...the teensiest bit worried that she might turn your head because of how slender she was.”

“Angel, you are perfect to me. I never want you to change.” He said pressing a kiss to your temple.

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