#can't do anything new socially like making a phone call unless i see someone else do it first so i can copy their words and make a script?

[depresseddepot]

so like. after i realized i had adhd it felt like my adhd got worse bc i was seeing symptoms everywhere, but it was really just bc i was paying full attention to it for the first time. now that i know i have autism too, it's doing the same thing, where i feel like its getting worse and harder to manage so i'm going to have to get really good at acting really quickly or i'm going to have to figure out how to not have a mental breakdown when my masking isn't working like it's supposed to

[kyuala]

cravity as exes

serim

he swears he's not trying to make this harder on you but your family keeps inviting him over for dinner and he just can't say no to them

i feel like serim is gonna have trouble functioning the first few days without you because you were genuinely such a huge part of his life and now that's gone

physically restrains himself from calling you whenever he gets any news - good or bad - bc you were always the first person he'd tell. it's instinct

i feel like with serim the decision to stay friends after the breakup or not could rly make it or break it for y'all. if getting back together isn't on the table he'd rather just be gone from your life completely. if it is tho....

probably the one to suggest getting back together tbh. he'd just rather work through whatever issue it was with you by his side

allen

too nice for his own good but i say this abt allen all the time bc it's true

but like, if things ended in a particularly nasty way (ie you cheating on him), i dont think he would think twice before setting some boundaries (nicely) and putting his own well-being first

still, is nice to you should you run into each other sometime but doesn't really wanna stay friends friends in case it makes it harder for his feelings for you to go away

throws himself into work whenever he finds himself missing you too much or longing for your old relationship. the type to try to work through this stuff on his own

i feel like getting back together could be a 50/50 chance with allen. you're never gonna know until you bring it up but if it does happen i think he'll make sure you both work to change and make it work this time

jungmo

an enigma. he seems hurt but how hurt is he? does he agree with this? does he want to get back together? is he already engaged to someone else? you're never gonna know unless you straight up ask him

if y'all decide to stay friends he is going to be a little awkward but as sweet as ever

when he truly gets over it he might even encourage you to go out there and try it with someone new! jungmo would be a wonderful ex tbh

i feel like he would just deal with this a lot better and in a healthier way than most. yea he gets sad about it but that's part of it for him, you know? he's not gonna dwell on it too much

if the chance to get back together comes up i don't think he would give it a lot of thought tbh lmfao if he misses you he'll wanna do it. if he doesn't he'll politely decline simple as that

woobin

academy award for best actor in the role of "totally okay with it when, really, he's not"

ruby is actually so good at hiding his feelings in this situation it would take a rly good set of eyes from his closest friends to notice he's actually Going Through It™

he would never be anything but nice to you but i feel like he would lowkey ignore you, at least for the first few weeks, 'cause he just doesn't know how to feel and it's a lot for him to process

gets really introspective when he's alone but not in the sense that he thinks a lot about you and the good moments you both shared - more like overanalyzing every little thing to try to figure out where things went wrong

again, doesn't really know how to feel when faced with the prospect of resuming the relationship. even tho he wouldn't rly be able to determine what went wrong, i feel like ruby would probably decide against it bc he strikes me as a "what is done is done" kind of guy

wonjin

goes into shock before getting sad as hell and claiming he's "hit rock bottom" (cue hyeongjun in the background "thats a glass of MILK wonjin")

says he doesn't care anymore and then keeps tabs on you LMFAO

feel like he would have a good ass cry abt your breakup like 3 times a week at least

if u speak to any other guy and he finds out he'll go into cardiac arrest while monologuing abt having been "replaced"

suggest getting back together tho and suddenly he'll start acting brand new like he's gonna have to think about it but if ur like alright nvm he's like NO NO WAIT I'LL DO IT

minhee

the type to keep your photos and videos together in a secret folder on his phone to look at when he's alone and missing you

but like literally deleted your number a couple of days after the breakup specifically so he wouldn't feel tempted to call you

absolutely makes a point of still being polite to you when you run into each other even if it was a nasty breakup

i feel like flashes of your lips and your most intimate moments would plague his mind when he's like trying to work or something lmfao he'd be angry as hell

will NOT even consider getting back together unless he's 100% sure the issues that led to the breakup have been thoroughly resolved

hyeongjun

SO dramatic god he will annoy everyone at the dorm and every single soul who'll listen with how much he talks about you

keeps loudly sighing around the house and slamming doors and minhee has to be like dude they're not even here stop doing that

probably gets emotional a lot and has to hold back his feelings when he's around you, so he gets noticeably quieter and teary-eyed

if u still hang out with the same mutual friends he regularly comes up to you at parties and dreamily sighs about "we did have some good times didn't we" and ur like ????

honestly probably thinks the breakup is bullshit i feel like he'd try to make up and get back together like 3 minutes into it

taeyoung

will give you the option to stay friends even if you hurt him real bad

will keep hanging out with the same friends you have in common and will be upset if you refuse to 'cause he lowkey kinda expects to still see you around

i feel like for taeyoung staying friends is gonna make things a lot easier - still seeing you, still laughing with you, still having you in his life. being cut off from your life entirely and abruptly would make the whole thing harder for him

tries not to get caught up in nostalgia and missing you and honestly actually succeeds

the idea of getting back together is lowkey always in the back of his mind. like the minute you suggest it he says yes, doesn't even have to think about it

seongmin

petty ex 🗣️

but only bc your breakup hit him harder than he'd like to admit, whoever made the decision

type to block u on all socials tbh

doesn't like to talk about it and doesn't want to hear what you've been up to and how you've been, like it will take a whiiiiile for him to open up even to his closest friends

if the idea of getting back together comes up a huge weight is gonna be lifted off his shoulders but i also feel like seongmin would need to take a few days to think about it and be sure. he doesn't want to go through this again :/

main masterlist | cravity masterlist

[princessdong]

 One: The Girl In Her Dreams

Masterlist

Of all the possible outcomes of having a human in her house, Joy would've never thought that this one would be the one. After you left the house with Jiu, who seemed more than happy to get out of there, you hadn't left her head.

She could still see your eyes, never quavering with fear, or showing anything but the utmost disinterest, and only to be replaced by fury. Your eyes were thunders after she let go of your throat, and she was sure that you were going to hit her, she even braced herself to it, but nothing came. She even let herself not move a muscle when you practically mocked her by not believing her true self.

Yet, the fact that you were daring enough to get into an apparent abandoned house, and go as far as to explore it, with no regard for who might be in there, it made you so fascinating in her eyes that she couldn't stop thinking about it.

In her whole life, every encounter with a human had two ways: Either they were completely scared that they could've piss their pants, or completely turned on by the idea of having a vampire sucking their blood. But you didn't. And she had to find you, before you consumed her brain entirely.

That's why she, for the first time in two centuries, she got out of the house for a reason that wasn't feeding herself. She assumed that you had taken the ferry back to Mokpo, as she could hear Jiu groan at the fact that they had to get into the ferry so early, and only that stopped when you told her that she could get breakfast at Mokpo. In that moment, those were the only things she needed to launch herself into the quest of finding you. But, as the ferry moved, she seemed to remember that she was not aware if you were in Mokpo, or if you flew out of the country, or even if you were alive. After all, it's been a week.

Joy quickly remembered why she wasn't out of her house in two thousand years, and it was because of the noisiness. She should've asked Yeri to perform a locator spell on you, or get someone to find you, but she was impulsive, and she was out there, in Mokpo's port, not knowing what to do, where to start. Of course, she had her whole immortality to search for you, but you weren't immortal.

Should she get into Seoul? Should she start searching there? Should she be afraid that you were in another country? She didn't knew. Plus, all those people were making her uneasy, she could hear them all, and smell their blood, even hear their heartbeat. It was a mess, she was getting overwhelmed, but her efforts were in not pouncing into some human. She was no rogue vampire, she was four thousand and something of years, and she had more control in her than a baby vampire.

Among the madness of the busy port, she heard something that she needed to hear.

“Jiu! You should stop from going with Y/N to those places! You can't keep up like this.”

She turned around, trying to search for the voice, and the girl she saw with you. There she was, with her purple hair falling from her shoulders, wearing something so simple as a shit and a pair of jeans. Next to her, there was a girl, with dark brown hair, and they were holding hands. She started to get closer, trying to listen, and to think how to get them to tell her location.

“I know, Jagi, but I don't wanna let her go all alone, she might get in trouble one day. And she's my best friend.” Joy heard Jiu say, and she smirked, knowing that you had been face to face with trouble, if she was up to it.

“But then you get all scared the days after. And then you drag me to make sure that the house doesn't have anything strange, at day.” The other girl complained, and, although she understood that they were talking about her house, it could be a great opportunity to have some interrupted alone time with you.

“Uh, excuse me, do you know, by chance, where it's the house of Y/L/N Y/N? She's, uh, tall, has no fear of getting into haunted places...” She said, trying to sound like she was not trying to find a complete stranger. “I'm an old friend of hers, and, I came here to surprise her, but you know, since she's gone to university, and her parents moved...”

She hoped that they either didn't knew your parents, or your parents had moved somewhere else, as she didn't have any idea of who were your parents, or if it was even truth what she said. Luckily for her, it happened that you parents did actually moved to a more secluded place in the outskirts of Seoul... But it was a year ago.

“You really haven't seen her for that long, huh?” Jiu chuckled, but she understood. If it wasn't because of her always coming to your home unannounced, and your yearly tradition of getting into haunted places. “She lives in Seoul, do you have your phone? I can show you on Google Maps.”

She was aware of what Google was, and what a phone was, but all thanks to the newborn vampires, or rookies, as she liked to call them, but she did not come to contact to such frivolities of the human world. Or anything from the human world.

“It's dead” She simply said, and the pair seemed to understand right away.

“To the old way it is then” The other girl said, and then started to explain that you were in Seoul, the direction, how to get there, of course, not saying the obvious part that Joy had to take a train, taking as the old vampire was an old friend of yours that had lived in Seoul.

After all, you hadn't been out of the city long enough to make friends.

And that fact was just hanging above Joy's head like the rock above Tantalus head, threatening to fall in any second. But she wasn't one to be intimidated, so she left after thanking, and biding goodbye. She could easily compel someone to show her the directions to Seoul, as Korea had changed so much in so little.

Last time she had been in the mainland, she traveled on carriages, with horses carrying it, and boats had people to row. Now they all had something inside that carried them. If Chanyeol saw her, he would be probably rolling in the floor laughing. She couldn't let herself fall in the only quest that she had, and she already had the needed information about you, now only had to get there, somehow, some way.

Lucky for her, being a vampire comes with tricks, tricks that she had mastered during the monstrous time he had been a vampire, with the help of those humans who would become her food, only to get rid of that awful guilty feeling of not having a chance at feeding from any other thing, and causing pain to the human.

She make sure to be as far away as she could from the pair that she found out, and walked to a deserted street, where there was only a man who seemed to work at the port.

“Uh, excuse me, Sir.” She said, bowing once the man looked at her.

When she had his complete attention, and he was close to her, she flashed her eyes red, and the man looked at her like his life would end if he didn't.

“I need you to instruct me how to get to Seoul. You must accompany me on my journey until I reach said city.” She compelled him, and the man could only nod before starting to walk away, being followed by the vampire.

Joy then found herself getting into a train station for the first time. Her, who hadn't been in a train in her whole life, wasn't sure if the iron cage would be able to get her to Seoul, or if the cage was actually something else, and the compelling had failed. She was scared, but she asked the man how it worked.

It was then when she learned that humans didn't even know how things worked, not even those who were born in the century where all of that already existed. But he could explain that it was a mode of public transportation, where everyone, not caring about the social status of the one who was sitting next to them.

That led her to think about who she was now in the world. She had been married into the Joseon family, so that mean she was a princess, or she had been. And she came from a rich family, didn't that meant anything now? She was, by law, the princess now, as her husband had been killed right in front of her eyes. Not that she had cared anyway.

But how did she fit in that world? Did she wanted to? No. She didn't wanted to fit in that awful human world, she didn't wanted to have any contact with the human world unless it was seeing you. She hadn't tried to seize the crown after all those years because she didn't have the slightest interest in ruling Korea, or any place that had humans as its residents. She could be a clan leader, that much she would like, but having contact with humans? Just this once, to get rid of whichever spell or trick you put her under, but that was it.

That was why she accepted to sit in one of those communal seats, next to a man that wore common clothes. The man she compelled was not seating, but was standing next to her. Joy didn't cared to ask, neither try to convince the man to sit, as he was just another pawn in the chess game of her life.

The train from Mokpo had been a new experience for Joy. Nothing had moved as fast as it did when she was human, as horses can only run at certain speed. Plus, she got to see how Korea had improved itself to keep up with the world. The large blocks of glass and iron, who she later knew it was used for work, and some other less interesting-looking buildings, where the people with less money lived.

The cars that she saw in the streets, things that she wouldn't even imagined, and the streets, every single one was paved. In her times, there weren't like that.

Everything was new to her, and people sometimes looked strange, like that one who had a furious pink hair, and another who had an iron ball in their face. They didn't dressed like they did four thousands years ago, but that wasn't a new. Even herself was dressing different than how she would've done on her human life. She wasn't used to wear short skirts, no matter how long she had been trying to wear them, and she wasn't even sure of how she felt with shirts that didn't even got to her waist.

Fashion nowadays is like that, Chaeyoung had told her before. Even though Chaeyoung was almost as old as her, she had been a little more into the human world as Joy was. But, she was also more ruthless when it came to them, so the dark haired girl wasn't sure of how much she could count on the younger one.

The train journey had come to an end before the vampire could even make her mind grasp into the whole new world. And even then, when she and her companion got down of the train, she couldn't believe how much the world she knew had changed. Even Seoul had become unrecognizable.

The five grand palaces were nowhere to be seen, and they were supposed to be so magnificent that everyone would turn their heads to watch them. The people walked fast in the pavement, mostly surrounded by buildings so tall that Joy had to look up finding some of them lost in the clouds.

“What happened to my birthplace? Why is Seoul like this?” Joy lamented, still looking how the concrete took upon the most beautiful city she had ever seen.

“This is not Seoul, this is Cheongju. We have to take yet another train to get to Seoul. Mokpo is really far away from the capital. Can I ask why didn't you take a plane? Is faster, and easier.” The man, still under compulsion, asked.

“What is a plane?” Joy looked at him, frowning.

“Don't you know what a plane is?” He asked once again.

“I may know what is the thing, but not by its name” She answered.

“Oh, uh... The iron birds?” He answered unsure, as he didn't knew how to describe it to a completely unaware person.

“Oh! I see them in my backyard! They go really far in the sky!” Joy enthusiastically said, as she found herself always marveled at that particular invention.

“Yeah, those. You could've taken them to Seoul, and it would've been faster.” He divulged, and Joy nodded absentmindedly.

“But I didn't, maybe next time. Now, we have to go, another train is awaiting for us” Joy declared, already walking in some direction she wasn’t sure it was the right one.

“Uh, ma’am, your going in the wrong direction. Let me lead” The man cautioned, waiting for Joy to get back to a safe distance before starting to walk in the opposite direction.

The second ride didn't got joy as excited as the one before, but as the sun slowly started to set, she centered herself into asking as much as the human could answer. Of course, there were things that the man didn't knew profoundly, and it left Joy even more curious.

This time, they got quickly in Seoul, as the ride wasn't too long. Once the vampire got there, she smiled. She was finally going to be able to see you, and discover what had you done to her.

“Quickly, ma'am, we're really close to your destination, I bet you wanna get there as soon as you can” The man said, walking out of the station.

And it was then when she realized how it was already night, and that he must have family that was waiting for him back home, and that probably won't see him until the sun came up, if he was lucky.

“Just inform me how to get there, and I will do so. You probably family to go to.” She compelled him, and the man nodded.

“Just get into one of those yellow cars, and you pay them to get to your destination. Do you have money? Or anything to pay them?” The man asked, still not getting out of the compulsion.

“Yes, I do, I'm okay now, I still have the address, you may go now, I hope you have a safe trip.” She bowed to him, and he then walked away.

Joy walked to a taxi, sighing, and gave him the direction of your home. He didn't spoke, and Joy didn't spoke either, so she was just thinking about what she would do when she got there. Truth is, she had no idea. She threw herself to the idea of getting to you, to get her peaceful mind back, but she had no idea of how to do so. She was simply out of her mind, with her always so calm and collected now reduced to a reckless nothing, She couldn’t believe it, the great Park Sooyoung, the once heiress to an empire, acting like some lowland person.

But, a part of her knew that that one Park Sooyoung had died long time ago, with her humanity. She wasn’t the great Park Sooyoung, she was now Joy, Park Joy, if it pleased the crowd, and those were two different girls, they had to be.

Her predicament was cut short by the driver, who had made the car stop, indicating that she had arrived the destination, and demanding to be paid. Truth be told, Joy had not eaten since the morning, and she had been kind enough to spare the man who traveled with her because he had endured the endless questions from the girl for a long time, but this man didn’t earn her kindness, so he wouldn’t have the same fate as the prior one.

“Actually, I’m going to be the one rewarded”

The night had finally come for you, and with that it meant for you to get back into your apartment to have finally some unhealthy amount of hours of sleep, only to get up and get back into your daily routine. Being an university student does that to people. And you would’ve dozzed off in the couch, or even make a zombie walk to your bed, if it wasn’t for those eyes in the dark. Those red eyes, following your every move since you got inside the house. Those eyes that had been engraved in your mind ever since you saw them for the first time in Jeju.

That thought seemed to get ridden of your sleepy state. That island was too far away for her to be there, it was impossible for her to be there. But as much as you wanted to deny her presence, those red eyes were moving, until slowly but surely started to be part of a face, that face that you were not able to forget since you were there.

“Joy.”

“Well, hello there. I though that I would have to wait for you the whole night”

[spencers-dria]

Turn for the Better

Someone To Stay Ch. 1

Spencer x fem!reader

Spencer POV:

I open my eyes and glance around the room. It's darker than I remember. I must have fallen asleep reading on the couch again. I glance down and see a pile of books on the rug. Oh yeah...I only made it through about four books this time before I nodded off. I sigh in frustration that I'm awake. Might as well get up I suppose.

I wander into the kitchen and pull open the fridge only to be met with a jar of peanut butter, week old left overs, and a half empty jug of juice. Next.

I try again with the pantry. Almost completely bare. I guess this is what happens when you stop going to the grocery store. I settle on a cup of apple juice and a bag of chips... better than nothing right?

I slump back down onto the couch and pull my green wool blanket over me. As I stare up at my ceiling, as I begin to let my mind wander. But this was dangerous territory. I have to keep my mind occupied, I just have to. So I quickly sit back up and turn the TV to one of my favorite Dr. Who episodes. They say that anxious people re-watch the same shows because they find the familiarity comforting. I could definitely understand the feeling.

It was the weekend, which meant I wasn't called into work. Cases had been slow lately, as we spent quite a bit of time doing paperwork back at the office. Unfortunately for me, this meant less distractions. Distractions were good. Distractions were necessary. They are the only way I make it through the days anymore.

Things had finally returned to normal for me back at work. I was going into the field, and it felt like my coworkers were no longer tiptoeing around me. I hate when they do that, and it bothers me more than any amount of teasing ever could. I'm not so delicate, so easily breakable. Look at everything I have been through, everything I have endured. Yet here I am, still alive, still doing my job. I didn't need to be babied. So it was a relief when I felt the regular rapport I shared with my friends return. They had gone back to the sarcastic remarks and silly nicknames. I was grateful for it. They did, however, continue to check up on me. This was something that I did appreciate. They've seen me go down a dark road once before. I have no intentions of ever returning. I was stronger than that... I think. All I know is I have held on this long without resorting to any unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Coping mechanisms...oh how I wish I had something to make the healing process easier. Having a fairly empty social calendar left me alone often. Normally I would find comfort in the peace and quiet of my solitary apartment, but not quite so much lately. I couldn't very well make plans to go out, and I wouldn't even know how to begin to do that. Who would want to hang out with me right now anyways? I'd be a damper on the fun, and everyone knows it. That's probably why my friends stopped inviting me to the nights at the bar.

There I go again, letting my mind slip into a dark hole of anxiety. Its not a safe place to be. I quickly turn my attention back to the show in front of me, letting it drown out all other thoughts.

The ring of my phone quickly draws my attention away. Finally...another case! I jump up to answer, seeing the name on my screen: Derek Morgan. That's odd. Usually Hotch or Garcia call to notify us of a new case.

"Hello?" I answer, confusion lacing my voice.

"Pretty Boy! Buzz me up!"

Well now I'm even more confused. Derek never comes to my apartment. I quickly press the button letting him into the building and opening my apartment door, waiting for him to arrive.

As he comes up the stairs, he gives me a grin shouting, "Come on man! Get dressed. We're goin' out!"

I roll my eyes and retreat back into the apartment, Derek close behind me.

I sink back onto the couch, my eyes glued to the television as I tune him out.

"Aw c'mon. Don't be like that. How long have you been sitting there watching TV? Have you done anything else today, at all?"

I don't answer, I don't even look at him.

"Oh, let me guess. You've been reading all day, huh?"

"Wow, can't get anything past you huh?" I say dryly, regretting my tone as soon as the words left my mouth.

"Alright that it. You've been cooped up in here too long. Like I said before, we're going out. And I'm not taking no for an answer" he says sternly, raising an eyebrow at me.

I finally look up at him as I roll my eyes.

"You know I can kick your ass right?" Derek smirks.

"Fine" I concede. "Well...where are we going? I don't know what to wear unless you tell me what our plans are."

"Don't pretend you don't wear the same fancy button ups no matter where you end up going."

I let out a small laugh...he's got me there.

"Dinner at Rossi's. I know pretty boys are high maintenance but, hurry up or you'll make us late!" I smile at the nickname. Same old Derek.

Y/N POV:

You let out a sigh of relief as you watched your coworker approach you, ready to receive report. It had been a particularly busy shift, and you were ready to get some much-needed rest. You walked to each patient room, giving Clementine summary of the day and the latest updates on labs and vital signs. You stepped into each room with her, checking one last time to make sure each of your patients was doing well and didn't need anything else before you left. Normally you and Clem would spend some time catching up and making jokes, but she could tell you were tired and needed to be home more than anything. You wished her good luck on her shift as you made your way to the break room. After putting away your stethoscope and the large collection of pens, pencils, and markers you kept in your pockets, you finally headed towards the elevator to leave for the day.

You opened the door to your apartment to be greeted by your dog, Juneau. She was a rescue you adopted a few months back. She still needed to make progress, but she had really warmed up to you and your friends and seemed much more comfortable in her new home. After feeding her dinner and taking her for a short walk, you heated up a quick frozen dinner and sunk into your couch.  Curling up in your blanket, you spent a few minutes browsing through different streaming services only to land on The Office, as usual.  Your mind drifts to what your next few days might consist off. You just so happened to land 4 days off in a row, but you had no idea how you would spend your time. You glanced down at your phone as it lit up.  It was your Uncle Will.

"Hey, whats up!" you chimed, glad to hear from your favorite uncle.

"Hey, (Y/N). I'm actually calling to invite you to a dinner some friends of mine are having tomorrow night. I know your schedule is real busy. But I haven't seen you much since you moved up here to Virginia! I know you haven't met many people here yet, but I think I can help you make a start. "

The kind gesture made you smile. You had always been fairly close with your father's side of the family. He had grown up in Louisiana and met your mother at a college in Texas. You spent your childhood in Houston but frequently visited the Cajun half of your family. Uncle Will had moved away once he fell in love with Jenifer Jareau, his now wife, and you hadn't seem much of him the past few years. But as luck would have it, your nursing career had lead you to a hospital in Fredericksburg, VA. You felt extremely lucky to have family nearby, or else you would have been completely alone. But sometimes you still felt that way, which is why you were so grateful for his offer.

"That actually sounds great! I am off for the next four days, and I didn't really have anything planned. Who will I be meeting at this dinner?"

"Well it's some of JJ's coworkers. They're like a second family to us, and I know they'll be just as welcoming to you. I already told them you moved up here, and they've been begging to meet you."

"Aww I can't wait to see Aunt JJ and my sweet little cousin, Henry! Its been so long since I came to visit you guys. I think Henry was barely two years old the last time I saw him."

"Well we all hope to see you a lot more now that you're here. You're like a daughter to us, Y/N. You are welcome to visit any time you like. I know nursing is a stressful job, and it can take a toll. Its important to have family and friends around you when things get tough." You could hear that this was a genuine offer and you fully planned to take him up on it in the future. Being alone in a new state was taking its toll.

"So where and when should I plan to meet for dinner?"

"I'll text you the address real quick. Everyone is planning to meet around 6. It shouldn't be too far of a drive. It's one of JJ's coworker's houses. David Rossi. He's a real easygoing guy, and he loves cooking for everyone. He loves meeting new people even more, so you should feel right at home!"

"Sounds like a fun time. Thank you again for thinking to invite me. I'm really looking forward to it!"

"Alright boo, talk to you later."

You smiled at the pet name used by the entire Louisiana side of your family. I guess the north had yet to steal his southern roots. You hung up the phone. You finally had plans. It would be nice to talk to someone who wasn't a coworker.  It would also be your first excuse to dress up since moving and starting your new job. Too excited to wait, you jumped up from the couch and began to rifle through your closet for something to wear. You didn't want to be too over or underdressed. You grabbed a black spaghetti strap fit and flare dress and throw it on with some black panty hose, a lightweight maroon cardigan, and some black heels. You snapped a quick photo in the mirror and shoot a text to Aunt JJ.

Y/N: Apparently I'm joining y'all for dinner tomorrow night...is this too much???

Aunt JJ: I heard! I can't wait!

And oh my goodness, no! You look gorgeous! It will be perfect.

Also...Henry is so excited to see you!

You smiled, more confident in your choice. Aunt JJ had great taste. You had only had the chance to meet her in person a couple times, but the two of you had clicked right away and stayed in touch over text and Facetime. Sometimes she felt more like the sister you never had.

Starting to feel the effects of your particularly difficult shift, you start to get ready for bed. You wanted to be well rested for tomorrow. You say goodnight to Juneau and crawl into bed, snuggled under all the blankets. You fall asleep with a smile on your face, with the feeling that things in your life are about to take a turn for the better. You couldn't explain it...but somehow you just knew.

[cumbercookiebatchs]

Because why the fuck not

Would you rather..

Be able to get into fictional worlds, but can only come back to reality if you are killed OR be able to bring fictional characters to reality but you can't meet them unless the approach you first?

Meeting your soulmate (platonic or romantic) and not seeing your family ever again OR not ever meeting your soulmate, but live with your family.

Fuck, kill or marry

Sebastian Stan, Alberto Angela, Tyler Posey

Grantaire, Bucky Barnes, Geralt of Rivia

This or that

Jeans or Dresses

Park or Beach

Kisses or Hugs

Apples or Strawberries

Light or Dark

Stay in or Go outside

Singing or Dancing

Sweet or Savory

Long Hair or Short Hair

Make the first move or Wait until someone else makes the first move

Personal questions

What is one thing in your live that you'll do/endure again just because of what it teached you/where it helped you get?

Do you think yourself beautiful?

What's your dream life? (And no, it doesn't sound stupid it's great, whatever you feel like you want to accomplish)

Creepy anons

I once went through your archive to know more about you / your other interest that are not Les Mis

Random questions

What's your comfort food?

Have you ever broken a bone?

Do you own stuffed animals?

When was the last time you ate/drank water? Go drink some more water!

How do you know you're friends with a person?

What's something embarassing that you've done?

Advice

I see you're very stressed for your thesis, honey, relaxing is something very important because yes, you want to graduate, but you're not going to enjoy it if you literally work yourself to exhaustation. Give yourself breaks, and keep it coming girl, big thing are coming your way Peach.

Love/hate

Idk? Like the option to send you anon hate? I love it.

I hate you so much. Like, it should be illegal to be so sweet and talented, it drives me nuts. Girl, you're also so pretty it's annoying, could you stop. And you make me want to hug you with your hcs and make me want to punch people who hate on you for your headcanons. Not cool Riri, not cool.

that was sarcasm

Anonymous secrets

I check your blog daily, I love it a lot. I also have your notifications on and I really love when you post.

Anything you want!

Keep being your sweet and kind self, you're a little jewel I am so glad I found you on tumblr. I love you Peach, hope this makes you happy

Okay I'm really having a difficult time putting down in words how happy this just made, I'm - I woke up with my cat purring on my neck and there are birds chirping outside and it's sunny and I've just watered my plants and there are new blooms through my roses, then I come here and I read this and I'm like- this is so wholesome you have no idea of the smile you've put on my face. Like I'm giggling at my phone because of how sweet you are I'm- how can I thank you? Okay now I'm gonna stop stealing your time and I'll start answering, but keep in mind that you're incredibly sweet and also the reason of my smile today and I really really wish I could hug you now 🧡

Would I rather

It depends entirely on the world the characters are living in, but also the character themselves, I think Enjolras would jump my throat if I decided to take him away from his world in the middle of his revolt, but my general rule would be "is their world better or worse?" and if turns out their world is worse I would take them here. Like I'd sell my soul to take Geralt away from all the people hurting him.

About the soulmate, this is really though. I'm gonna tell you it I'd choose my soulmate but it wouldn't be without regrets. Like- I'm right now in a bad place with my family and I also desire someone to share my days with, you know the little things like arguing over who has to take out the trash or who put a colored shirt in the white wash, but I also think that living away would tamp things out and I would end up missing my family even if we're toxic for each other. Maybe it would be the best thing though, so I would stop being mad at them.

(1)Fuck, marry, kill

I'd definitely marry Alberto, I always scream "my husband!" whenever I see him on TV. I'd fuck Sebastian and I'm not typing the other thing

(2) Fuck, Marry, Kill

You really broke me here, but even if it would break his heart to see another friend turn against him I would try to kill Geralt, because I'm sure I wouldn't be able to actually do it. I'd fuck bucky and I'd marry Grantaire (would he marry me thoug? Wouldn't Enjolras try to kill me?)

This or that

Jeans, because even if I love dresses I think I couldn't practice my dream job wearing them.

Beach, without a single doubt I've always wanted to be a mermaid.

Hugs, hugs are so warm and comforting, I could hug someone without kissing them but I can't imagine it the other way around.

Apples! The green crunchy ones, they're so good.

Light or dark, this is hard as well. You see one of my favorite things is watch the sun shine through my half closed curtains and light up patterns on the wall of my dark room, it's really soothing! But uhm if I had to choose I'd choose light.

Go outside even if I'm socially awkward, I want to spend all my days outside after this pandemic is over.

Singing because I can't dance uwu

Savory

Long hair, I love long hair but I think it's Ariel's fault because her hair were always so pretty floating in water.

I'd wait. I always wait because I'm scared of make a fool of myself, like I'm scared my crush could laugh at me I can't believe someone could be interested in me.

Personal questions

I'd date my ex again. I know this sounds toxic and maybe it is, but going back i would do it again because it made me understand lots and lots of things about myself, what I want for my life, and also that I can stand my ground even if it scares me?

So growing up my concept of beauty has changed incredibly, call it an occupational hazard because of my art studies but I think beauty goes beyond a pretty face, a pretty face isn't what you need to be beautiful. Anyway I can't seem to think this about myself as well (or maybe I do but I don't like myself as a whole) so I think I'm incredibly ugly.

My dream life would be shared with someone that loves me as much as I love them, I want to find a best friend not only a significant other, I want to share my mind with them. And I really really wish to become an archeologist. But even if this doesn't happen it's okay, like I'm gonna try my best but what I really want is to be happy. (thank you because that was my first thought 🧡🧡)

Creepy anons

If you want to know something else you can ask me! 🧡

Random questions

I don't really have a comfort food, I usually just lay down when I'm sad.

I have never broken a bone and I hope it'll never happen because I'm scared of pain. Like, a lot. But I think it's normal.

Yes, I sleep with a stuffed cow, her name is cow, I've had her since I was eight and she's still really soft.

Is it bad I don't remember the last time I drank? I think it is.

I don't know? It's a feeling I think, like, I know I can be myself and not try to be perfect because I know you would leave me or judge me. We're friends if I'm comfortable crying in front of you.

About the embarrassing thing: once I was at a bar. It's our bar, like we always go there and we're friends with the bartenders so I was pretty comfortable. And also a bit sad. And got pretty drunk. Anyway I started talking about my ex while holding the bartender wrist and yes we're friends but not that kind of friends. Embarrassing I would never do it again.

Advice

Thank you so much 🧡 I really needed to read this, I'm gonna screenshot this.

🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

Love/hate

I might have melted through the floor a little bit but PLEASE don't punch anyone I don't want you to get hurt.

Also, I'd definitely hug you back as tight as I can. Really. 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡 And you're the sweet one, look at me I'm smiling again.

Anonymous secret

This makes me really really really really happy, I hope it makes you happy too 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

Anything you want

No one, no one had ever called me a jewel like I think I died a little but it's an happy death i died of fluff because you're just- you're so sweet, I'm speechless i have no words to thank you. I love you too and I really want to hug you because I'm shit at saying thank you but I'm so, so happy right now. Thank you 🧡.

[johnkrrasinski]

the chain on your neck; 

full masterlist

Pairings: Steve Rogers x female!reader 

Word count: 2,291

Warning: too much fluff probably 

Summary: Steve Rogers came home to you after a delayed return and brought something special for you. 

a/n: i was listening to call it what you want by taylor swift (well, it would be pretty obvious for my swiftie followers lol) anyways, i was really inspired by the line “i want to wear his initial on a chain round my neck” and that to me, has always been one of my favorite lyrics of reputation. also, the title was inspired by that exact line from you are in love. so here’s a steve rogers fic predicated on that line! hope you like it. please leave a like and comment. ❤

It was 9.30am on a Sunday morning in New York. Normally, you would take your sweet time to stretch in your bed and turn slowly to the other way around to gaze lovingly at your boyfriend. It was a rare sight to see him in such a serene state, so you didn't have the heart to wake him. It was lovely to see him without the wrinkles on his forehead and furrowed brows because he was carrying so much on his shoulders. His duties as Captain America, the missions, the battles, the reports, the urgent late night calls, the miscreants had clearly took a toll on him.

And you being his girlfriend, it was crystal clear to you how often he would put on a facade to be the backbone of the Avengers. Because, everyone is relying on him. There were innocent folks that needed his protection. There were little kids looking up to him. He didn't have the luxury to pour a couple tears to lay off some steam or have a mental breakdown in public. He had to be strong and steady.

Often times, when the fight really did a damage on him and it was written all over his face, he would try to hide it away from you. You knew he needed you, you knew he needed your comforting touch to ground him. He wouldn't ask for it though, he would simply undress himself out of the grimy suit and wordlessly wrapped himself around you. The feel of your skin against his kept him sane throughout all the worst missions he'd ever gone through.

So when you had the chance to just take a minute and enjoy this brief moment of life simply letting your boyfriend be... Human, you cherish and savor every single second of it.

That's your usual Sunday morning routine. But not today, today you woke up in a cold bed alone because the love of your life had gone to another mission in Prague four days ago, and he was supposed to come back last night. You were feeling grouchy because you didn't get your morning cuddles and kisses and Steve's morning cuddles and kisses were like coffee to other people. They need their morning boost to start off their day.

Delayed returns were part of the job. There was always unexpected incidents that required immediate attention of whoever took the mission. And the behest is that, you do not come home before the mission was truly taken care of.

So instead of sulking all day in bed, you leisurely check your phone and send him a good morning text. You figured that it would ease the feeling of missing him. You knew better than to wait around for an instant reply. You were not allowed to check your phone under any circumstances during missions unless you are safe and sound in your hotel room. So you decided to get yourself out of bed and washed your face and brushed your teeth.  

After your daily morning routine, you went to the kitchen to cook yourself some early meal. Nat, Tony, Wanda, Vision, Rhodey and Clint were already there in the middle of their breakfast. They greeted you in your not-so-cheerful state.

"Good morning, kid." Tony was the first one to speak up.

"Hey Tony." In an indifferent tone. You just weren't in the mood to socialize because you missed your boyfriend terribly, and you just really wanted to spend your Sunday morning with him.

"Someone's in a grumpy mood." Natasha spoke up. The woman was always too good in seeing right through people.

"Not really, I'm just hungry." You retorted. Again, with that disinterested attitude.

"Hungry for some food or a certain super soldier, cause I've seen you hungry for actual food y/n, it wasn't like this."

"Okay! You're right. I'm missing my boyfriend and I'm so goddamn worried. He hasn't contacted us since last night, when he was supposed to come home. I texted him this morning and he still hasn't answered. What if something had happened to him and he wasn't able to send a message? What if he got stuck somewhere where he can't find a signal? What if he-"

"Sweetie, I think you are getting yourself too worked up. Just take a deep breath and eat some breakfast, yeah? I'll make you some coffee to ease your nerves." Wanda politely interrupted you. Out of all people, she knew exactly what the feeling was like. Aside from being able to read people's minds, she had actually lost so many of her loved ones, so she understood your overwhelming fears.

You put your head in your hands and took a deep breath and exhaled. You were getting too worked up and you needed to clear your head because freaking out is clearly not going to solve anything or give you any answers. It's not going to turn whatever situation Steve was stuck in and provide you a call or a text from him out of nowhere.

And you didn't realize how hungry you had been until your stomach started to make some growling noises that told you you needed some nourishment.

"Yeah, okay, I'm gonna cook something up."

Just as you pushed your chair back and stood on your feet, Friday's voice alerted everyone from the tranquil state of the room. "Captain Rogers, sergeant Barnes and Mr. Wilson are about to land in 5 minutes."

As everyone in the room had realized what was happening, they all immediately got on their feet and ran to the where the helipad was placed. You, on the other hand was overwhelmed with a sense of relief and joy. Because your boyfriend has come home and in one piece. You were about to see his beautiful sapphire eyes again and you couldn't wait any longer. You wanted to be the first one to welcome him home as soon as he lands.

As the quinjet landed on the ground and the door opened up wide, revealing your boyfriend and your friends, Bucky and Sam on his sides, walking out limping but still with that warm, familiar smile on his face because he finally saw you. Four days had felt way too long for being overseas from you.

He instantly ran as fast as he possibly could to you and grabbed you by your waist and carried you off the ground in a tight embrace. He buried his face in your neck and inhaled your luscious scent. You couldn't see his face because you were also burying your own face in his neck, but you could feel him smiling so widely because he was home and you were in his arms now.

"God, I've missed you so much, baby."

You moved your face to the front of his and pressed your foreheads together.

"I've missed you too, baby. So fucking much." You sniffled. In that moment it was just you and him, because you had been without each other for way too long to have a care about anything else in the world. Four days felt like four thousand years. It might seem dramatic but that's what happens when you are madly in love.

"I know baby, I know. I'm here now, it's okay." He kissed you, it was brief but it held more meaning than words. You closed your eyes as you relished in the feeling of him. Pressed up against you and tangible. Not a looming presence in your room, not a ghost in your dreams, not a whispered name in your prayers.

He put you down as threw his arm around your neck to keep you close. You both walk in each other's embrace to your room. Luckily, he didn't bring home any severe wounds that would require an immediate & extensive care. He could go straight to his own bed, take a warm shower and change into his pyjamas so he could lie in his cozy bedstead with you. Really, that's all he really wanted right now.

Steve Rogers was a man of sentiment. Not a lot of people saw it but, it's factual. You were lucky enough to witness the way this man displayed his affections and the way he'd never let you doubt his love and loyalty a single second. He was an assertive and a solemn leader to the team, especially when he had to save the world and faced the government. But you knew his tender heart way too well to let it affect you behind closed doors. You love him for the man he chose to be even when he didn't.

After you both wash yourself off the dirt, you put on one of his hoodies that literally swallowed your smaller figure. You looked so tiny and adorable in his shirts, he never minded that he'd often have trouble finding a certain shirt. It was always his hoodies, sweaters and old shirts that he rarely wore anymore. If she claimed it, then it's hers. No room for argument. Not that he'd try anyway.

She was drying her hair with the hairdryer in the small mirror of her bathroom when he walked in with nothing but his sweatpants on, he stared into her beautiful eyes in the mirror with a smile. "I got something for you."

"Yeah? What is it?" She smiled back at his reflection in the mirror.

He pulled out a lovely navy blue box with a silver ribbon on top of it. It made her turn around with an inquisitive look. She moved her eyes directly to the box in his calloused hands. He opened the lid cautiously, fearing that she might not like the surprise. Because even Captain America is still scared of rejections, he was trained for orders and enemies, but no one taught him that the little, sickly guy from Brooklyn would be rejected by  a lot of women who couldn't see him past his appearance. And certainly, no one  prepared him for the rejection from the love of his life. His past fears are clouding his mind and taking over his emotions before she even said a word.

The navy blue box revealed a beautiful piece of jewelry, specifically, a golden vintage necklace that hang up the letter "S" in the middle of its rounder. The red rose adornment on the left side of it only added the exquisite intricacies to it. And the antiquated piece of leaf on the other side enhanced more of its charm.  She couldn't help the desire to touch the charming piece with her own fingers. She delicately curled them around the rustic chain, deliberately picked them up closer to her sight; she was charmed by it.

"Do you like it?" Steve spoke up timidly, as if he was doubting his own choice, he really wanted her to like it. He nervously stared into her eyes, waiting for her answer.

"I love it, Steve." She returned that restlessness expression on his handsome face with a fond smile. She loved it. She truly loved it and she meant it. She wasn't even faking it to spare his feelings, she genuinely became attached to it even if she hadn't even hung it around her own neck yet.

"Where did you get it from?" She continued. Her curiosity knocked on the moment.

"There was this local gift shop in Prague, it looked really old and small but still had its own charm, you know? I was walking around one night..." He looked distant for a second. "Couldn't sleep, the mission really carried a weight that day. I just kept walking, taking in the fresh midnight air until I found the shop... It drew me in."

Steve's face changed from an agitated expression to pure delight. He couldn't wait any longer to see it encircle the shape of her neck, so he asked; "do you want me to put it on you?"

"Please." She turned around to face the mirror again and waited for Steve to unclasp the hook of the necklace. She could feel his warm, steady breath on the back of her neck and this is the kind of intimacy not a lot of people talk about, but oh, how much it mattered in the moment.

When the necklace was on, she took her time to soak it in, how divine it looks on her now, she didn't think she could go anywhere without this necklace being a part of her. She pressed her thumb on every inch of this necklace, it really is a part of her now.

He is now wrapping his bulky arms around her shoulders and put his head right on the right side of hers. He looked at her reflection in the mirror. "You know why I chose this necklace?" He left a swift kiss on the right side of her neck where he was just resting his head on.  

"Why?"

"Because it's the closest thing to your heart, and that's where I'm always supposed to be."

She didn't realize tears had started brimming in her eyes, the tenderness and sincerity in his voice made her realize just how lucky she was to possess such love him, and to have that love returned in if not, a greater measure than she ever hoped for.

"I love you, you know that?" It was rhetorical, she knew damn well  that he had it ingrained deep in the back of his head that she loved him. Desperately, utterly and irrevocably.  And so did he to her. It was more than a mere declaration but rather a vow, that it would be bounded to their souls for eternity. In sickness and in health, for better or for worse, 'till death do us part.

"I love you too, angel."

[yuvon-writes-letters]

Hey guys,

Yu, Rai and both Jakes.

Actually..If I talk about my feelings I'm pretty well. Don't tell Jake I said that, but I couldn't be happier about our situation. I mean, we can talk again. Without me being kidnapped and finding a weird Tumblr profile of him. (Which we think was a set up by one of the entities of my world since he obviously doesn't have one. Jake thinks it was goldies doing, I on the other hand don't believe that. Don't ask me why, but it feels like goldie wouldn't do that. And it didn't help me either but only made problems. I was distracted because I was writing the profile (you read it, right Yu? I don't know about the others) and angry. Like, really angry.)

Putting that aside, Jake called me, like he promised :) And it was the longest phone call I had for some time. Most of the time I talked and he didn't get distracted once, just listened to me and everything that happened. And then he started cursing, which is kind of understandable. He apologised for being into stasis. And for this other version from before the 'time setting back' thing. Because I don't find a name I'll call it TSB from now on.

The only problem I have now is going to work, I guess I'll take me some vacation...But at least I'm not as scared of the raven-ass anymore. I mean, I still am, but in the moment I know his steps. And I am not alone.

Jake, I intentionally write the next part in red, please don't read it. That's for Yu.

I know you think that Jake sees you as a threat. If it still is like you wrote in the letter. Jake knows that, too and he doesn't like it. You know him better than I do, of course, but without saying too much...I think it's quite the opposite. Talk to him about that. Even though it's probably not the best circumstances I think he enjoys being with you :)

The next part, purple (damn, I need more coloured pens), is for you Jake.

You already told me that you don't like that Yu thinks you see her as a threat. I only have to say one thing, if it still is like that, talk to her about it. Earlier than later.

The new thoughts about the blood ritual are really interesting. But please don't put yourself in this danger (or not, but I think it's understandable what I mean?) if it isn't necessary. But I also agree with Rai, I thought the same thing for a while. That you desired having someone, Jake, with you. It sounds plausible.

What more was there...Wait, let me reread the letters.

Oh yeah, Rai! One, till now my crow crew seems to still be in stasis (Jake realised that now, too) and two..Please try to take care of your health, yeah? I'm worried for you.

Lis🐾🔥

Ps. Damn...I'm writing this exactly when I wanted to leave the house (I mean, I sadly cannot hide my face forever).

Two new things...I got a message. I mean, it was a threat (because I am the obviously the bad girl that kidnapped Hannah), but I don't care. Maybe that means the stasis is slowly dissolving!

But number 2...I didn't get the vacation. My boss called me almost immediatly. "Under no circumstances [a word is blacked out] Liska. We have July and Alice, Tim and Jenny all want to take free time, too. You are one of our best workers and we can't afford you leaving now. You have no children so you have to wait. Also Max told me that you don't have any problems in family."

So long story short: He wants me to be there tomorrow. Argh, if he would pay me like he's talking that would awesome. And I'll kill Max when I see him next time. (My cousin that thought it was fun to try and steal my work so we both got the rank of 'one of the best workers'. The only problem: Max' title is official. -.- Overall, I'm so much more annoyed than some time earlier. Maybe I should ask Jake for help

Lis,

Okay, the Crow Crew drama is fading a bit, so I'll answer this now. Sorry if I seem disjointed at all, I'm probably going to be going back and forth from conversations to this letter a lot. I can't afford to have them all think I'm compromised, I need to focus on getting out of here and I don't want to deal with their pressure on top of everything else.

Yeah, I don't think the Tumblr profile was Goldie either. Goldie seems to try to be very much a "hands off" sort of entity, like my own. The Tumblr profile thing seems a little out of character for at least my Jake. At least, publicly answering your submission certainly was, though he may have panicked since you sent it in on anon and answered publicly without really thinking about it. I guess I could see him having a Tumblr profile for purposes of following people on social media and watching what they post, though. And then deciding he likes the media and posting a little bit of impersonal things that can't lead back to him. Probably my Jake will say something about that when I hand this letter over to him, stay tuned.

Yeah, I at least read some of the things you sent that profile, and I showed what I had to my Jake too. I'm not sure if I read all of it, since it was a bunch of printed-out screenshots in an envelope, but I read the ask where you told him you hated him (fair at that point but ouch that's got to have hurt) up to when you said you'd found Hannah. After that you sent me your letter telling me time had turned back and the Tumblr screenshots ended.

I'm glad you and Jake managed to talk things out. I was sort of worried about how he'd react, but it sounds like he took it pretty well, considering. I'm... not exactly sure he should be apologizing for the stasis, though. Or the TSB!Jake. Maybe especially not the TSB!Jake. Jakes seem to be oddly different from timeline to timeline, just based on what I've seen of them. TSB has been one of the most different so far.

Oh. One thing I should mention that you might not have seen from the profile: The MWAF used your phone to mock the TSB account, and mentioned that TSB wasn't the only person who could hack, and the MWAF blocked TSB from finding your location. Might want to warn your Jake about that.

A vacation sounds like a good idea :/ It's really hard to go back to normal life right after tragedies or trauma. It feels like the world keeps moving on and you're still stuck in place, and you just want to scream at them that they need to slow down, can't they see that the world is

Good. I'm glad you don't feel alone. It's easier to deal with this stuff when you're with someone else, even if it's not physically.

(Jake, my Jake I mean, if you're reading over my parts of these letters skip to the ||| now please.) I'm not saying he doesn't also enjoy my company. I can tell he does. That doesn't make me not a threat. Like how early on I suspected Thomas, but still thought he was a nice guy and enjoyed talking to him. (Obviously I don't suspect him any more XD ) Still, if you think I should talk with him about it, I'll try to find a tactful way to bring it up.

Yes, because obviously tact is my greatest strength. Sigh.

Like I said to Rai, the underlying desire thing is definitely possible. That'd either mean I'm more obvious about how I feel for Jake than I think I am (very possible, I'm not great at hiding how I feel in person) or the entity has some level of telepathy/mind reading. The reason is that chessboard. Since Jake likes chess, it's clear at least to me the entity expected him to come here at some point. I THINK, if the underlying desire thing is true, I can manipulate myself into wanting specific things by doing things like writing it over and over and repeating it out loud when doing the ritual, but I'm not sure.

|||

It's probably good that your Crow Crew is in stasis, like how it's objectively probably good my outside life is going on without me. Less drama, less pressure.

Huh. The harassment is definitely a promising sign. Maybe you should try contacting Darkness again, same way as I suggested near the beginning? That feels so long ago, but it really can't have been much more than a week, can it?

You... didn't get the vacation. Fucking hell. Is there ANY way you can convince your boss? You really should have time off. Maybe your Jake can help you come up with ideas.

Or at least maybe he can come up with a way to have your boss give you a bonus for your trouble -_-

Oh shit Cleo's interrogating me I'm gonna hand this to Jake now

(The handwriting changes to Jake's.) Hello, Lis.

I agree with Yuvon: "TSB" acts markedly different from myself. There would be no benefit from me promising to be there to find you in the moment, and indeed I would have been falling for a very transparent trap. Even in my possible state of panic, I cannot see myself being there physically, much less revealing myself physically to authorities in the process, unless I was playing the role of bait in a counter-trap. While it is plausible that this was TSB's plan, TSB gave no indication that Yuvon or I could tell that this was the case. Of course, I would have done my best to be there physically in the aftermath of the kidnapping, but not in the moment.

I also agree that the Tumblr profile seems to be out of character for both myself and for "Goldie", though I hesitate to judge TSB's actions by what I myself would do. I seem to vary in surprising ways across universes and even from timeline to timeline, based solely on your current Jake's reactions thus far. I do actually own a Tumblr profile for the exclusive purpose of following social medias I wish to track, but I used a random username generator website for the username and not my own name, and I certainly never posted anything.

The news about the MWAF being able to hack is new to me; I must have missed that the first time I read through the screenshots. That is quite troubling. I suppose I will need to be more careful in future.

I am sincerely sorry your request for a vacation was rejected. I do not know how much you intend to separate your personal life and the Duskwood case, but if your stasis is truly wavering, you may be able to reveal some measure of the danger you are in to convince him to let you flee the area for a small while. Especially since you mentioned in your Tumblr post that you saw a raven note in your wor

Oh.

You need to leave that place. Now. Do not inform your employer of the danger you are in, reveal nothing to him or to anyone, take unpaid time off if you need to. Get your cousin and anyone else you care overly much about out of there too. Invalidate any information you can your employer or coworkers knows about you. Do not tell the truth to anyone, even your cousin. Make up any excuses you need to, ask your Jake for help with ideas if you need to. You may also wish to check that the coworkers your boss listed who are going on vacation are ACTUALLY going on vacation.

This is a priority, Liska. You need to tell your Jake all of this too, especially the part with the note in your workplace. You need to get out of there.

Good luck.

—Jake & Yuvon

(The letter tucks itself into the paper clip with the others.)

[talldecafcappuccino]

Title: Between Close Friends

Rating: General Audience

Chapters: 1/1

Relationship: Ted Lasso/Rebecca Welton

Summary: Ted is bad at social media, but is that a bad thing?

Ted, what the fuck are you doing????

Ted peers at his phone, rubbing sleep from his eyes and reads the message again.

He scrolls down and sees he has twelve more texts and three missed calls all from Keeley Jones. He turns off his nighttime notifications with a few exceptions for emergency contacts, so it’s not surprising he slept through the messages.

He scratches at the stubble along his cheek and checks his clock. It’s seven o’clock here in Kansas, so it must be . . . early afternoon in London. He thinks through the last day, but he can’t remember anything interesting enough to have Keeley on the case.

Henry came over to his extended-stay hotel, they went to an American football game, got a late dinner in downtown Wichita, and watched a movie before bed.

They did make it on the Jumbotron for the Lasso-off, the team’s half-time dance contest, but his moves weren’t especially embarrassing. At least not in his opinion. Unless one of the moves was actually an insult to the English in which case, oh jeeze, he needs to get on this quick.

The call barely connects before Keeley’s voice echoes in his ear.

“Oy! Ted!”

“Keeley, I am so sorry for whatever I did to offend the great people of the United Kingdom. I am ready to make a statement and an apology tour as soon as you tell me which dance move I need to retire immediately.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I need you to log out of the AFC Richmond Instagram account. Like, now.”

That stops Ted in his tracks.

Does he even have access to that? He remembers a post-it note of accounts and passwords from Beard on their first day with Richmond.

There was an account run by the previous manager, but Keeley had taken it over long ago, converting it to the official team account. She had also made Ted a personal Instagram for his own use and brand development, but he never posted publicly.

He puts her on speaker phone and opens the Instagram app. She’s right. He’s logged into the team account with all 25 million followers. Well, shoot.

There are about a dozen stories posted from last night. All of Ted and Henry’s day together. There’s puns (“having a cow” at dinner with an image of Henry holding up a beef rib and screaming his head off), Ted and Henry singing at a dueling piano bar, the two brushing their teeth together in the bathroom mirror.

“No offense, but I think this may delay the Tom Ford deal you asked me about.”

“Yeah. I get that.”

“It’s just, you know, dads aren’t quite their brand. Or our brand. I mean we’re not anti-dorky dad, but you know with the whole comeback narrative during the season hiatus . . .”

“No I get it. You’ve put a lot of work into rebranding this team and I just undermined that.”

She sighs, but it’s fond.

“Sorry, Ted. It’s not like what you posted was bad, it’s rather sweet actually. It’s just a little different from the posts I had scheduled.”

Ted nodded. It wasn’t the most embarrassing thing that had ever happened to him, but he felt bad for making Keeley’s job harder than it needed to be.

“No, I’m sorry Keeley. I swear, it won’t happen again.”

****

“Can you believe what Ted did last night? I’ve never seen someone so bad at social media.”

Rebecca has no idea what Keeley is talking about when she walks into her office. She flops onto the couch, feet splayed on the coffee table, clearly exhausted by whatever Ted has done from 4,438 miles away.

“So many puns. Which, don't get me wrong, I love word play more than most people. But I don’t think it’s right for the team right now.”

Rebecca shuts her laptop.

“You’re right about puns not being part of the team plan, but what’s this about Ted? What did he do, exactly?”

Ted hasn’t posted anything in at least 24 hours. Not that Rebecca is keeping track.

“Oh he managed to switch to the team account on Instagram and posted about his entire evening out with Henry. It was quite sweet, actually. The ones that made sense,” but then she pulled a face.”He’s like, really, really bad at social media.”

Oof. Well that isn’t great, but Rebecca doesn’t think there’s anything particularly terrible about Ted’s social media use normally.

“But everything seems under control? No big PR actions needed.”

“It’s fine. I had him log out and wrote a post about Coach Lasso’s surprise social media takeover from America.”

Rebecca nods. Okay, so it was all sorted. Keeley has things totally under control.

But she reaches for her phone anyway. She opens Instagram, taps through the AFC Richmond stories, and snorts at the image of Henry with the rib as big as his head.

“Are people at least being kind?” Rebecca hopes Ted logged out without seeing any messages about Henry. Not that she could see any reason for it, but people were shitheads on the internet.

“Well, wanker is still the most common response. But many of them are wanker with a little heart at the end, so I think it’s fine. We actually got a lot of responses, proper engagement and all that,” she looks up at the ceiling, considering it for a moment before rolling her head to look back at Rebecca.

“If we weren’t trying to present the team as a badass phoenix rising from the ashes, I’d say a Ted takeover isn’t a bad idea. He just needs some supervision. Maybe a phone with a better camera.”

Rebecca is only half listening as she taps to the next story.

“Aw, they went to dueling piano night. That must have been fun for Henry.”

She’s smiling at her phone when Keeley asks, “Dueling piano night?”

“Yeah, you know at Jim Bob’s Bar.”

Keeley is looking at her blankly.

“Fine. I know it’s not really Jim Bob’s bar. It’s probably not even a bar if Henry’s there. But I can’t remember the real name off the top of my head.”

She’d looked it up once, after Ted first posted about the dueling pianos. For some reason she started calling it Jim Bob’s. Ted didn’t seem bothered and had even started calling it that himself.

When she looks up again, Keeley is staring at her, eyes narrowed.

“What are you talking about?”

“What do you mean?”

“How do you know so much about some bar in Kansas?”

That gives Rebecca pause. She isn’t sure what Keeley means by the line of questioning.

“It’s not some totally random bar. Ted posts about it whenever he goes for dueling pianos.”

If he gets to the bar early or she has a particularly late evening, Rebecca catches the story before going to bed. When she does, she always asks him to put in $5 for Wannabee by the Spice Girls. She owes him a small fortune by now, but it’s worth it to see the bar explode with cheers and jeers.

Some nights she misses the story, but he puts money in anyways and she wakes up to a shaky video of, Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want.

Rebecca thinks this is a good enough explanation, but Keeley is still staring at her.

“I’ve literally no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Keeley, you know social media is not my thing. All I know is that sometimes Ted posts about this bar on his tiny friends list thing,” she waves her hand around, trying her best to describe it. “The one with the green ring around it.”

Keeley leaps to her feet, eyes wide.

“Am I not on Ted’s Close Friends list??”

Before Rebecca can say a word, Keeley is halfway out the door, texting furiously.

“Roy, better not be on there, if I’m not on there. Ted knows how I feel about being left out!” she shouts over her shoulder. “Sorry Rebecca, I need to do some investigating, asap.”

Oof. She may have just created a problem. It’s probably best to give Ted a heads up before Keeley gets through interrogating Roy.

She drafts a text once, twice, then deletes it and presses call instead.

“Hey Boss, let me guess. Keeley got a hold of you?”

It’s been a while since they’ve chatted, what with the time difference. It’s bizarre how familiar his American accent has become.

“She just left my office, yes.”

There’s a loud crack in the background and a metal clang.

“Where are you?”

“Oh, just the batting cages with Henry,” he says, cheering loudly. “Hey, do you guys have a sport called baseball that has nothing to do with American baseball? You know, like football and football?”

She chuckles, “I don’t believe we do. However there is always cricket.”

He hums, considering it.

“Now Ted, I think there’s something you should know.”

“Lay it on me Boss. I know I caused a headache this morning, what’s the damage? What do you need me to do? I am at your disposal or I’ll lay really, really low as long as you need me to.”

“It’s not that Ted. It’s Keeley.”

“Keeley?”

“Yes, she’s on a bit of a mission at the moment. It seems you left her off your Close Friends list? I think that’s right. On Instagram?”

“Huh. How did that come up?”

“I was telling her about Jim Bob’s. Apparently she had never heard of it and realized you had a whole social media life she was unaware of.”

“Right . . .”

“So do what you will with that.”

“You haven’t talked to anyone else about this yet, have you?”

Rebecca is confused by this new direction.

“No. Why? Ted, is something wrong?”

It takes a long moment for Ted to respond.

“What can I say, I’m just really bad at this social media stuff.”

It's a non-response and an overly folksy one at that. But Rebecca can’t be fooled by the aw shucks routine—not anymore. She tries again.

“Ted. Who is on your close friends list?”

“Uh. Not a lot of people.”

“That doesn’t answer the question.”

“What can I say?” He huffs, a little frustrated. She would feel bad for prying, but she can't help herself. “The list of people I want to share silly life things with is small.”

“How small?” she wonders.

“Very small.”

The line goes silent and Rebecca swears she lost him. But then she hears him take a deep breath.

“It’s you. You’re the list.”

Rebecca feels flush. That’s not where she was expecting this conversation to go.

“I know that might be a lot. You don’t have to say anything. I just, that’s the honest truth and I’d like to get ahead of it before Keeley harangues the entire team.”

It’s a lot to take in, but it makes sense. Sometimes when she’s watching his posts, she wonders about his audience. Who else cares about his biscuit recipe improvements or Broadway Sundays (a recent development that’s turned into a shared movie night.)

“Rebecca?”

She realizes she’s been quiet for a while. The moment feels tenuous and she worries about saying the wrong thing, sending him running faster than Keeley during a social media snafu.

Finally she settles on, “You know, you’re welcome to text me silly life things. It wouldn’t be a bother.”

She brushes invisible crumbs from her desk, listening carefully to his breathing on the other end of the line.

“Yeah?”

“Yes. Maybe I can send some, too?”

Rebecca can hear his smile from across the Atlantic.

“Well, alright then.”

****

That night, Ted’s phone pings and he rolls over to see a text message from Rebecca. It’s a picture of the sun rising over her garden wall.

Something silly to start the day.

But it doesn’t feel silly. Not at all.

[rome5683]

My Secret Mate - Chapter Three

My body was warm all over. I squeezed them tighter to me, savoring the feeling it gave me to feel them against me. It was peaceful, and exciting at the same time. I groggily opened my eyes as I smelled something too delectable that caused a stir in my loins. My breath hitched, seeing his neck right against my lips. His scent was so amazing to me. I could feel my inner wolf stir, Mate. Mark him. He's ready, he's here. Just for us.

Mate or not, he's not our property. He should choose when to be marked, and when to take the next step in being mated. Calm down, Sirius. I took a deep breath, trying to soothe myself back into sleep. But I was suddenly aware of everything about Seth's body pressed into mine, so I got up. I regretted it the minute I got up, because the cold replacing him was blunt.

I ran a hand through my hair, and suddenly winced at the small headache that I felt in the back of my head. It wasn't that bad. As a werewolf, I had supernatural healing and it would go away very soon, which was also why I wasn't that drunk last night. But when Seth woke up, it would probably hurt him a lot more. I could feel Sirius frown at the idea of him in pain.

Protect him, help him. Help mate. I agreed, and walked downstairs. I was surprised to see the house wasn't that much of a mess. I walked into the living room to see Monsè picking up some cups here and there, and I could hear Lance cleaning in the kitchen.

"Hey, what happened after I went to bed?"

She gave me a hesitant face, almost as if contemplating what to say. "Well, Trent got super drunk and came onto Lindsay, which got him a painful shove. Then Bella got super sad and tried to get me to help her look for you, but then I saw you with... that guy."

My eyes widened, "Oh. Yeah, um, he's... wait, what exactly did you see?"

Her face reddened, looking away. "Well, I saw you guys kissing, and I immediately closed the door."

I blushed, feeling embarrassed about her seeing me that way. "Um, well. Did Bella see-"

"Are you gay?" Her question knocked me off balance, and I considered it for a second. Was I? I certainly wasn't attracted to anyone else anymore, but I still could appreciate women's bodies, as well as appreciate men's.

I shrugged, looking forwards the floor, "I think I'm bisexual. I don't know, everyone always assumes straight is the default. I guess, I assumed that too. But when I think about it... men can be attractive to me too."

I looked up to her nodding and going back to cleaning, and raised an eyebrow. "You don't care?"

She rolled her eyes, "Why should I? I only asked because I was curious why you'd make out with some random guy instead of Bella. And even though we're supposed to be super social as werewolves or whatever, you're not always one to go out of your comfort zone-"

"He's my mate."

She looked at me like a deer caught in headlights, showing how the new information was shocking. But then her face went back to its neutral expression, "Oh. That makes sense." Then her eyes widened, "Wait. Your mate's human?"

I nodded, "Yeah."

She winced, "Oof. I wouldn't wanna be you."

I frowned, a growl building up in my throat. "My mate is perfect for me, human or not."

She shook her head, "That's not what I meant. You're gonna have to mark him, and then that'll turn him, and make him go into heat if he hasn’t already. That's a lot of pain to go through for the both of you, especially the turning part."

This piece of information hit me like a ton of bricks. I remembered the first time I heard about it from the other wolves' gossip, about how one of the human mates had been going through the change and was in so much pain. I guess I was too confident about having a werewolf mate, that I forgot about what it meant to have a human mate.

I tried not to think about it as I went to the kitchen to get two cups of water. Lance raised an eyebrow at me as I entered, "So, your mate's a human guy?"

I hesitated, wondering where this was going. "Yeah, last time I checked."

"That's cool. So, he likes you back and everything. I mean, you guys kissed so that must mean he likes you."

I nodded, feeling a little sheepish. "Well, I hope so. We did talk a lot too so..."

He huffed, "Okay. Well, I have a friend..."

I tried to restrain my grin, and he rolled his eyes at me. "It's not me."

I withheld my laugh, feigning that I believed him as I nodded for him to continue.

"And this friend... he kissed his friend, a guy. But now his friend has been ignoring him... and my friend doesn't know why. I think it's cause my friend usually plays around a lot with girls, but maybe his friend doesn't like him the same way?"

I thought for a second, thinking how complicated it must be for him and Keith. "Sounds complicated. Maybe they should have a deep talk? Get everything off their chests."

Lance nodded, going back to washing the dishes while lost in thought. I filled two glasses with water before going back upstairs. I walked back into my room to see Seth on the phone, and I handed him his glass of water.

He looked up, his face still looking amazing with exhaustion tracing his features. His blush was entertaining to see, and I grinned.

"Mornin', beautiful."

He shook his head slightly as he drank his water, groaning. "That alcohol hit me hard."

I shrugged, "You weren't exactly super drunk, though."

"I don't get crazy, or anything. But the hangover is regrettable..."

"Oh." I went over to my bathroom, getting him some Tylenol from my mirror's cabinet. I walked over, feeling glad to be able to help his headache. "Here. It'll help."

Seth nodded, drinking the tablet down with water. I went over to my bedside table, grabbing my phone and checking the time. It was already ten in the morning, which was pretty late considering I woke up extra early everyday for school. "Any plans for today?"

He shook his head, "Not really, it is a Saturday. I was planning to stay at home and watch Netflix for the majority of it. Luckily, my mom's away on business, so she can't freak out about me being away last night."

"But your curfew-"

"I was just supposed to call her when I got home.”

"That's good, I guess. Wanna stay for breakfast?" I went to my closet, taking off my clothes from last night.

"Ye-Yeah. I don't really have much else to do..."

I pulled on some black joggers and a white tee. I pulled off my earrings, necklaces, and rings on my small jewelry stand. I glanced in the mirror, hoping my appearance was okay. I suddenly heard a loud heartbeat, and I looked over to see Seth's reddened face and wide eyes that were scanning me up and down.

I couldn't help the pride that came over myself when I saw the effect I had on him, "You okay?

He nodded, taking a deep breath. "Yeah. Um, I just couldn't help but notice you have a lot of defined... structure in your body."

I shrugged with a coy smile, sitting on the bed next to him, "I guess it's the genes."

"Mm." He bit his lip, and shook his head. "So, about last night-"

Monsè burst through the door, "MOM'S ALMOST HOME!" She ran over to me and Seth, dragging us by the hand to the living room. "YOU GUYS ARE HELPING!"

I nodded with a small gulp, suddenly remembering how much Monsè could be as scary as Mom sometimes. Seth got a broom out as I picked up the bigger pieces of trash on the floor, and when we were done with that, we cleaned the furniture for stains and crumbs of food. Monsè tidied up and re-arranged everything back to how it was, like the decor in the living room and the kitchen, as well as the photos in the hallway. Lance and I placed the audio and lights system in the garage, deciding it'd go there until Lindsay would come pick it up. I fell on the couch, sighing in exhaustion after an hour of cleaning. I could hear Seth and Monsè in the kitchen, making small talk as they both cooked breakfast. Lance sat beside me, "So does sex with a guy feel better than when it's with a girl?"

I sighed, feeling a sliver of offense and amusement at my brother's stupidity. "Have you even had sex with a girl?"

"Well-"

"Nope. You haven't. Because if you did, you wouldn't ask such a stupid question, Lance."

"Why is it stupid? It's a legitimate question-"

I felt exasperated, "Dude, I don't know. I haven't had sex with either gender, and I don't plan to have sex in general unless my mate says he'd like to."

"But, didn't he spend the night-"

"Which meant nothing. He stayed the night, and we slept. Literally. He's a human, remember? Most humans don't just sleep with someone right after meeting them, mates or not."

"Uh, I feel like that's not entirely true-"

"Lance." I gave him a deadpanned stare, "I really can't talk about this right now."

He gave me a knowing smile, "Sirius acting up?"

I cursed, hearing my wolf howl at the idea of mating Seth. "Like no tomorrow."

If you really cared about our mate, Sirius, you'd wait until he was ready.

I'm just excited. Leave me be.

You first.

"Yeah, I get you. Landon just loses his shit every birthday that gets closer to finding our mate."

I huffed, "You'll find them soon. Just, don't get too caught up in other people, it could just complicate stuff.

"Like you and Bella?"

I frowned, thinking how she might feel now. I did give her false hope, but hopefully she would take it well. "Yeah. I mean, I don't have feelings, but I know she does. I don't wanna hurt her."

"Seems a little late for that."

The smell of bacon drifted in the air, and my stomach growled. Lance sniffed the air with a groan, "Damn. That smells amazing."

I nodded in agreement as we both got up and walked towards the kitchen. I saw Seth slightly swaying back and forth on the stool as he ate a plate of egg, hash browns, pancakes, and bacon. There were two other plates awaiting on the island, Lance and I sat eagerly as Monsè served herself some milk in a cup.

Seth poured syrup on his pancakes, "Thanks for having me for breakfast, guys."

We all nodded, Monsè poured us cups of milk as she spoke. "What are mates for?"

I glared at her as Seth raised an eyebrow, "Mate?"

Monsè and Lance shared a smirk as she continued, "Yeah, you know. Friends, pals, buddies..."

I seethed, and interrupted quickly, "So what does your mom work in?"

He looked to me, "Oh. She's a social worker. Sometimes she goes to different counties which makes me have the house to myself."

Lance grinned, "Must be fun. You ever throw parties?"

He shook his head with an amused smile, "Not really, I just like to watch Netflix and read books.”

I took another bite of my bacon strip, "I don't usually throw parties but, I figured it'd be cool to have one big one for the special eighteen, you know?"

He nodded, I continued, "When's your birthday, Seth?"

He sipped at his milk, "May."

I was stumped for a second, "Wait. Doesn't that mean you should be-"

"I should've graduated, yeah. I was..." His cheeks reddened, "Held back. Unfairly, might I add."

I chuckled, "What happened?"

My siblings gave him an expectant look, and Seth sighed. "Okay, but you can't laugh."

"Alright."

"So, I was in fifth grade, and on the day of the state test, I got super sick and had an urge to vomit all the time. But it was, like, state tests so I had to go, and when I finished the test, I vomited all over the tests. It was the holes you fill in with bubbles so..."

Monsè gasped, "No."

Lance and I groaned in unison at the embarrassment of it.

"Then, the school and my mom decided I should redo the year over so I can take the test again- which sucked- but it's whatever."

"At least we got to meet."

He looked up, a blush rising to his cheeks. "Yeah, I guess. Listen, I need to talk to you-"

The lock clicked, and everyone but Seth turned to the front door from the kitchen. We could hear them muttering, and I laughed at one of their comments that I could make out.

"It smells like teen desperation in here."

Seth looked at me confused, and I shook my head.

Monsè whacked the back of my head and I winced, pointedly glaring at her. Her loud and scolding voice rang in my head, ‘Could you be any more obvious?’

"Ooh, it smells delicious-" My mom stared with wide eyes at Seth, she hadn't been able to smell him due to the other smells lingering in the house from the party no doubt, and was certainly surprised. She looked at me with a raised eyebrow, "It's okay I'm confused, right? Who is this? You didn't tell me someone was sleeping over."

My father followed in right after, looking at all of us with a confused gaze. "Um, what's going on?"

I scratched the back of my neck, "Mom. Dad, this is my ma-"

Seth interrupted, standing up and extending his hand. "Friend. Seth Truman." His nervous chuckle rang in my mind as I gave him a questioning glance, and even Monsè and Lance looked at me confused. What did he think I would say? Why did it matter? I wondered how much longer I would have to court him in a human way... "Sorry to barge in. I kind of crashed after the party last night."

My mom practically gushed, and looked at me while questioning me through the mind link. ‘Is this your mate?’

I nodded, scratching my neck in slight embarrassment. It wasn't that I was embarrassed of him, hell no. It's just that my mom was very sweet and open, that she was obviously adored with my mate as well, and that she might embarrass me. Who wouldn't be?

"Oh, it's no trouble at all. We're happy to accommodate you." My dad smirked at him from behind my mom as he spoke, and I shook my head in annoyance. My dad gave me a raised brow and I rolled my eyes at his smug expression.

"Ah." Seth chuckled nervously, "Thanks. Your daughter is really good at cooking."

Monsè smirked, and my mom smiled.

"Yeah, she's really big on cooking." I gave him my most charming grin, and he avoided my eyes with a small blush forming on his cheeks. "How about you?"

He looked at Monsè, "So do you always make pancakes from scratch?"

I scowled, and I could hear Sirius whimper in the back of my head. My jaw clenched, and I didn't know whether to be angry or sad. He was sending me mixed signals, and I didn't want that: just tell me everything clearly for fuck's sake. I didn't want to let my anger cloud my judgement, but I also wanted to give him the cold shoulder if he was going to do the same to me.

My mom's hands massaged my shoulders, and I couldn't help but feel calm and relaxed at the notion. I placed my hand over hers and squeezed it, thanking her for the help. My dad was next to us too, hugging her from behind and resting his head on her shoulder. I looked up and smiled softly, talking with them through the mind link, ‘Thanks.’

‘Of course, darling.’

Seth stood up from the barstool, "It was nice for you guys to have me, but I really should be heading home now."

"I'll drive you." I say as I stand up abruptly, and he was about to protest until my sister just patted his shoulder and shook her head. She knew damn well I was too stubborn. He nodded, understanding what she meant.

I took another bite of my plate and told Monsè to save it for me before going upstairs to get a hoodie and my shoes. I came back down in a hurry, and grabbed the keys beside the door, "Seth!"

He came from the hallway after I heard him say his goodbyes to my family, and I opened the door for him chivalrously.

We got in the truck, and I sighed as I sat down. I tried not to glance at him while I made sure the mirrors were okay, and I put on my seatbelt after starting the car. I was hoping to make conversation, so I left the radio off as I pulled out of the driveway. Seth looked out of the window and rested his chin on his hand, and I laughed mentally when I remembered that he'd have to give me his address. I could just drive around until he decided to speak up, and it'd be hilarious. I turned left, and went towards my favorite burger joint.

I glanced at him before speaking up, "So, what is it you wanted to talk to me about?"

I pulled into the burger joint's drive-thru line, awaiting for my turn, and he sighed. "Okay. So about last night, what we did-"

"Was amazing." I smirked at him as I remembered the feeling of his body against mine while we slept. His lips were really nice too.

"It was a mistake." Seth twiddled his thumbs, and I felt a breath escape me. What was he saying? "Look, you're really nice and everything. But I know you and a girl named Bella have something going on, and... I don't want to be caught in the middle."

I cursed inwardly. I couldn't believe I would mess something up like this, and I wondered why I messed with Bella in the first place. Oh, because I didn't want a mate. Well, I changed my mind. I liked him, the feeling of him with me was amazing. I was keeping him, end of story.

"Bella and I were never even together." I pulled up in line, almost close to the order section. "So we messed around a couple times, it meant nothing."

"Maybe to you, but it means a lot to her." He scoffed, and I suddenly realized something.

"Wait, how do you even know this?"

He looked away before cursing under his breath.

"Did my sister-"

"No. Last night, I could see the way she looked at you." I narrowed my eyes, knowing he was keeping something from me. "Fine. I overheard you and Lance talking."

"Oh." I tensed up, then relaxed when predicting it was probably the last part of the conversation since he wasn't concerned about the other parts. "What I said still stands."

"But it didn't mean anything! It was just a drunken kiss-" I interrupted his exasperated rant.

"Not for me." I gave him a hardened stare, clenching my jaw in determination. "I like you, okay? And I want to get to know you."

He looked shocked, and sat back in his seat as he thought to himself. I awkwardly pulled up to the order section of the drive-thru, and asked for two milkshakes.

"I'd like strawberry, please."

I nodded, changing Seth's to strawberry, and made mine Oreo. It was only seven bucks, and was well worth it. I parked in the lot outside and Seth raised a curious brow, "Why aren't you driving me home?"

"I don't really feel like it." I grinned, feeling amused now. Had he noticed yet?

"What are you talking about? You said you would." He furrowed his brows, starting to look angry. I shrugged, nonchalant.

"I changed my mind." He was about to protest when I chuckled, "I'm kidding. You never gave me your address."

"Ohhh." He blushed, embarrassed and I chuckled again.

"It's okay." I tossed him my phone, "Just type it in."

He sipped noisily while typing it in, blushing as I gazed at him while sipping my own drink. It was tasty, but all I could think of was how I woke up next to him in bliss. He handed the phone back to me, and I memorized the route there before placing it in the middle. It wasn't that far, and I parked in his driveway no later than ten minutes.

He ran his hand through his hair with a sigh as I shifted the gear into park. He silently got out of the car, and I wondered for a moment if I should let him go like this. I could hear Sirius whimpering, and I decided I couldn't just leave it like this.

I got out of the car in a hurry, and he looked at me in surprise in front of his door. I scratched the back of my neck in anxiousness, "So about earlier..."

"I can't." Seth held the bridge of his nose, seemingly frustrated. I looked at him, feeling confused.

"Well, why not?"

He groaned, "What part of it being meaningless don't you understand?"

"What part of this," I grabbed his hand and placed it on my chest, feeling the same sparks from last night, from every time I've ever touched him, all over again, "do you not understand? I know you feel it too."

He looked conflicted, his eyes shutting as if in concentration as his body reacted to my subtle touch. My thumb rubbed across the back of his palm, and he huffed at me with a glare. I knew I looked desperate, but I couldn't help it. At first, I thought having a mate would be disastrous and painful. Being forced to be with someone, like some Neanderthal from the 1800s, or something. But then I saw that it wasn't really forced, and that it was a real connection.

"We have something. Don't deny it." His hand slowly became a fist against my chest, but I still held it there as I gazed at him. I silently whispered, "Please."

Seth's eyes met mine, searching for what, I have no idea. He was about to speak when a voice interrupted, somewhat smooth and high-pitched.

"Babe!" His hand quickly retracted from mine, and we both looked towards the sidewalk in front of his house. "Hey, I left you tons of messages. We were supposed to hang out this morning, remember?"

My wolf growled as I observed her, suddenly seeing an obstacle to his mate. She was a little shorter than Seth, with long black and wavy hair. She was slim, with average sized assets. Her face was heart shaped, with pretty red lips that complimented her pale skin and her eyes were big with brown doe-like eyes. She was pretty.

As she embraced him, he gave me a guilty expression while he hugged her back from the waist. My eyes widened as I realized what must've been obvious by now. Seth had a girlfriend.

"Oh fuck."

She looked up at me in confusion, and Seth visibly paled. I couldn't help the laugh that escaped me, my emotions becoming numb as one ruled above the others; anger.

"I can't believe this..." I shook my head, murmuring to myself as I was almost seething at this point. "Motherfucker..."

"Can't believe what?" Her question had an edge, and I felt like a deer caught in headlights. I immediately turned on my charm, chuckling as I pretended to be bashful.

"How pretty you are. I mean, who thought Seth would have such a hot friend?"

Her eyes widened, and I laughed again before speaking up again.

"Oh, wow. How rude of me," I grinned mischievously as I extended my hand out to her, "My name's Xavier, with an X."

She smiled, her eyes still somewhat confused as she placed her hand in mine. I brought it up to my mouth, placing a ginger kiss on the back of her palm while she blushed. I could feel Seth's glare, but I kept my gaze trained on her as I let go of her hand. This is what I get for actually liking my mate. I should've rejected him from the start. God, I want to forget ever meeting this bastard. This hot bastard...

She chuckled, nervous, "My name is Cassie. It's nice to meet you."

"I assume you're single." I bit my lip with a smile, coyly crossing my arms to flex my muscles. Yes, I was being a douche on purpose.

"Oh." She laughed again at my flattery, "No. Seth here is actually my boyfriend."

I laughed back, still focused on her while I could see Seth's jaw clench from my peripheral view. "Oh. Yeah, I was hoping not."

I narrowed my eyes at Seth with a scowl. Cassie raised an eyebrow, and I shrugged as I grew a grin again.

"You know, because you're pretty."

"How do you know my boyfriend again?" She shook her head with a scoff, but still smirked.

"He went to my party last night. I had to let him crash at my place because he got a little rowdy, to say the least." I smirked back, and she looked at him with a questioning expression. He guiltily smiled, and she chuckled. "Then I drove him home after a nice breakfast. So, yeah."

She smiled again, "Well, thanks for that. I really appreciate you taking care of him."

"Yeah." I scoffed at the unknown innuendo she just made, and I laughed sarcastically. "Yeah, I took care of him. He was practically all over me too."

She gasped and Seth cursed under his breath.

"Seth, I didn't know you got that drunk." She pressed her hand up to his forehead, "Do you have a headache?"

He shook his head, smiling the fakest smile I've ever seen, and glanced at me nervously. I nodded while scolding myself, practically wanting to die right then and there.

"Well," I clapped my hands together, "I gotta get going. It was nice meeting you, Cassie," I extended my hand out and shook hers gently, then patted Seth on the shoulder roughly. "And it was good hanging out with you last night, Seth."

He nodded, his smile more like a grimace. I turned, feeling defeated before I came up with an idea suddenly.

"Hey, Seth!" Both he and his girlfriend turned around, Cassie curious and Seth panicking. I smirked, "Don't forget about our study session this Monday!"

She looked up at him, no doubt wondering what I meant, and he raised an eyebrow at me. I smiled, "You said you'd help me with History at my house after school this Monday, remember?"

I didn't have history.

Seth made a surprised expression before quickly giving me a thumbs-up. He then took his girlfriend by the waist, and turned her towards the front door while he discreetly gave me the finger. I laughed sarcastically to myself before opening my car door and sitting down in my seat. I turned the radio to my favorite station, and drove home.

The minute my bedroom door closed behind me, I exhaled heavily. The weight in my chest was so heavy. I felt like I couldn't breathe, and I wondered if my family would ask me what was wrong if I cried. Luckily, I'd managed to avoid them as I stomped up to my room, but no doubt they already knew something was up.

I went into the bathroom, turning on the shower on it's heaviest. I took a deep breath as I looked myself in the mirror, trying to calm down, but I could feel the familiar sensation of my eyes tearing up. I clenched my fists as I choked up, and the sob broke out before I could stop it. I grit my teeth to try to stop it, sniffling while my hot tears were flowing now, but it didn't work.

This whole situation brought up things I'd rather forget. But I couldn't, no matter what I did, they stayed with me.

I had walked up to him during recess, smiling, 'Hey, why didn't you come over the other day?'

His eyes were hardened, and his mouth turned upwards in a scowl before he spat out the words I remembered all too well.

'Why do you care so much?'

I was about to respond, but he had already said the worst part.

'What are you? Gay?'

I shivered now as I did back then, exhaling deep as to not induce another sobbing fit. But right now, it was already too late, I was crying and I couldn't stop it.

I shivered now as I did back then, exhaling deep as to not induce another sobbing fit. But right now, it was already too late, I was crying and I couldn't stop it.

He was another closeted male, except this time it was worse. He was my mate, my soulmate, and he had a girlfriend. I cursed the moon goddess, hoping I'd get smite down to avoid the pain of this. Unfortunately, the pain never went away.

It had already been an hour, and I heard my cellphone ring in my back pocket. It was Bella. I debated what to do, and Sirius practically screamed at the notion. I shook my head as I answered it.

"Hey."

———

The full story below:

[gamegrumpiess]

Sleepwalk

I was listening to Sleepwalk by Renee Olstead, and I had this idea.

Grump: Danny (from now on, most will be Danny. Unless you request someone else, which I will be happy to do!)

Btw! I'm this plot, Renee didn't write the lyrics. You did! She isn't even a singer in this universe. Just a heads up.

-

Y/n's POV

I can't sleep tonight. It's been a month since me and Danny broke up, but I can't help but still mourn our relationship. It was mutual, at least that's what he thinks. I would've never called it off. I was so in love with him. I still am. We told the fans, and they were pretty supportive in what we did. A lot of them were really sad, as was I. Danny is a singer just like me. I do silly songs just like him. But he encouraged me to do a cover album or a cover song. I did one album, Cover Me Up was the name. It got a lot of love, which I am very proud of.

I turn on my phone to check the time. 4:23 am. The bold numbers shine at me in front of Danny's face. I couldn't bring it to myself to change my screensaver. It's not like anyone's gonna see. I miss him a lot, every night gets harder than the last. He was my world. I've known him since senior year of high school, he was a huge part of my life. And now... That's no more. He's probably living his best life. Being Danny Sexbang and all. He probably has girls flying at his feet, throwing him their panties and offering 'the night of his life'. I understand I might be over thinking, but I can't help it. He was mine, and now he's out there doing who knows what. I let a few stray tears fall down ontou pillow. It's so lonely here at night now. I love what I do, singing, dancing, having fun. It was just so much more amazing when I had someone to share it with.

I lay my head back a stare at the ceiling. I need to distract myself, so I reach for my headphones and plug them in, looking for my Oldies playlist. I click on it and the song that comes on is Sleepwalk by Santo and Johnny. Listening to the slow beat and light guitar, I cry even more. Just my luck, huh? I can't just lay here, I really should get up and something. Writing usually helps me calm down. That's when I get an idea for a song, it's a bit sad and people will know exactly who its about. But maybe that's what needs to happen. My feelings should be out there. And if something goes wrong, I'll accept the outcomes.

I pull up my pen and notebook and just start writing.

"Sleepwalk, instead of dreamin' I

Sleepwalk.

Cause' I lost you and now, what am I to do?

Can't believe that we're through.

Sleep talk. Cause' I miss you, I sleep talk.

While the memories of you wither like a soul.

Darling I was so low.

The night fills me with blame. I see your face, tears through my brain.

I know I miss you so. I still love you, drives me insane.

Sleepwalk. Every night I just sleepwalk. Please come back, and when you walk inside the door, I will sleepwalk no more."

I immediately went to my computer set up and staring out my own little version of Sleepwalk. More of like a piano and violin cover, rather than guitar and drum. Once I had it to where I wanted the beat and rhythm, I pulled up my microphone and started singing away.

Danny's POV

This morning was the worst. I couldn't sleep at all, I've been up since 3:30 am. I guess I haven't really gotten used to sleeping by myself. Without y/n's body near mine, it's hard to even get tired. I do miss her. A lot actually. I know it was my idea to call off the relationship, but I was scared of what would happen if I didn't have enough time for her. I have game grumps, starbomb, and ninja sex party. She deserves someone who has all the time in the world to give her all the attention she deserves. When we told the fans, I didn't expect them to be so sad. I even lost a handful of fans because of it. She agreed, but I knew her better. She was on the verge of tears when she left. She was trying to be strong so I wouldn't see that side of her, but I know better than that. When she left I broke down. Gripped and clawed at my hair, cried on the edge of the bed, wondering if I had made the right choice. I big-huge part of me was telling myself I didn't.

My phone buzzes, and I see its a text from Arin.

When you get here I need to show you something.

Oh what fresh hell does he have to subject my eyes to. Last time he said that, I had to watch 12 Days Of Elves... Don't ask.

I finally arrived at the Grump Space. I see everyone in their usual area. Ryan and Matt at the computers, Ross and Barry in the kitchen making coffee, and the only other people here this early is Arin and me. Everyone else usually is a little late. "Thank god you're finally here. You haven't felt your phone buzzing?" I give him a confused look. "Other than you texting me, no. You know I have notifications turned off for my social media. What's going on?" He turns on the computer in front of us. "You should hear this before anything. I promise you, it's important." I roll my eyes. "This better not be some stupid shit, Arin!" I say with a light laugh. He shook his head, and I knew from the look in his eyes that this was in fact important.

Once the computer was fully on, he went to YouTube. Looking up y/n's name, I felt my stomach turn. Did she have a new boyfriend? Was she sick? Did she die?! I understand that last one is a bit of a long shot, but I tend to over think a lot.

A video was uploaded at 7:00 am this morning? "' sleepwalk? ' isn't that an old song?" I say confused. But I'm not all that surprised. She always did love the oldies. He nods his head. "She added her own lyrics and tune to it. And I think you should hear it." I nodded and put on some earphones, pushing play on the video. Her voices comes on, and it feels so amazing to hear her voice again. Even if it is just an intro in a YouTube video.

"Hello everyone. I had this idea for a song at like 3 in the morning. I couldn't sleep, so I made this. I hope you like it..."

The video fades to black and then it shows her at her little office space she has in her room. The music starts up, and at this point I notice her eyes. They're a little red and slightly puffy. She did a good job covering it up, but I've known her since senior year. She can't hide that from me.

She sings softly yet with so much passion and emotion. The lyrics sink in, and I know why Arin wanted to hear this. Its about me. I scroll down to look at the description and comments, and they all say things along the lines of 'I fucken sad now.' 'Wow, Danny really did a number on her' 'DANNY YOU NEED TO HEAR THIS SHIT!' 'This makes me so sad because she literally couldn't sleep thinking about him... Danny get your girl back!' 'Damn that made me tear up... '

After the video ended, I look at my phone. Y/n's face still smiles at me from behind the screen. I didn't want to change it, I couldn't do it. I felt several tears hit my leg, I didn't even realize i was crying. "Hey Dan, are you okay?" Arin puts his hand on my shoulder comfortingly. "No... I'm not at all." I open up Twitter and see thousands of notifications to nsp and game grumps. All of which telling me to see what I just saw. I stood up slowly, feeling a little disappointed in myself. How could I let her walk out of my life so easily...?

Y/n's POV

After I posted the video, I decided I should really try to get some sleep. Especially since thousands of people will blow up my phone later on. Once in bed again, I tried to think of all the possibilities and outcomes of this. It could either go really well, or go really horribly bad. I guess we'll just have to see.

I wake up several hours later to my phone ringing. The sky is still a little bright to I assume it's not that late. 'Suzy <3' shines up at me. I smile, me and her always stayed quite close. "Hello?" I try to run the sleep out of my eyes. "Hey, are feeling okay? I heard your song, and I know it's about Dan. How are you, hun?"

It means a lot that she's not just calling about GET HIM BACK! She just wants to know if I'm okay. "Honestly? I feel so empty. Luckily today is just a lazy day so I don't have to adult today. But still.... I feel lost." I hear her sigh, "I know, y/n. It sucks. But you have me! And I'm way better than Danny!" She says jokingly. "Damn right you are! I'll call you a bit later when I'm more awake, okay?" We say our goodbyes and I sit up more in bed. I take a quick look at my notification bar and just as I expected, its blowin up. 'When will I stop being a pussy?' My thoughts we're interrupted by several rings of my doorbell.

Without looking through the peephole I open the door, only to see a certain curly haired man standing on my doorstep. "Danny? What are you doing here?" His eyes are glazed over and puffy as if he had just finished crying. He looked down. "I.... I heard your song. Was it... Was it about me? I'm sorry, I just need to know. I couldn't focus at all today during work. And on my way home, I just couldn't take it anymore. I have to know." My anxiety goes up a long shot. My eyes looking at everyone but him. "Y/n... I need to know." I slowly nod my head, still avoiding his eyes. "May I come in? I think we should talk.." I scoot to the side to let him in. "I'm sorry if I caused a lot of drama. I just thought... It would be better if I just made it into a song rather than.. Just telling you." I confessed. He grabbed my shoulders. "Don't be sorry, y/n. When we broke up, and you left. I broke down. I couldn't handle the fact that I just let you go.. I'm sorry."

"Then why did you do it? Why wait so fucking long to come to my house?! Why hurt me this bad, leaving me all alone when all I wanted was you! I hated knowing that YOU let me just walk out. And you looked like you... Like you didn't even give a shit..." I couldn't help it. I let all my emotions explode on him. "Why do you think I did?! Y/n, you deserve someone who has the time for you, who will give you all the attention in the world. Someone who will GIVE you the world! I want nothing more than to have you back again, but you don't deserve someone like me! I love with all my soul, hell, I'd give up everything for your dumbass! I didn't say anything till now because I thought you'd be mad, and I thought you'd moved on, hated me even!" He was standing pretty close to me by now. "Well no shit I'd be mad! You think I don't deserve you? Bullshit! You've already given me the world and more! Don't think that I don't understand about your job because I do the same fucking thing!!! I know it's hard, but I was willing to work even harder because I love you more than life itself! I deserve you just like you deserve me!" He rolled his eyes. "You're fucking gorgeous! You can have any man you want! What the hell is so special about me?" I got in his face once again, "because you are so much better than any other man I've met! We've known each other for YEARS and you think I'd just give all that up?! What kinda drugs are you on, Dan? Do you think I'm that fucken dumb? I haven't slept in weeks because it feels so horrible not having you next to me. That's some bullshit to say that I can have any man I want. I want YOU, dipshit!" I couldn't help it, I fell to my knees, shaking from trying to hold back tears. How he say that I didn't deserve him? He was my world, he still is my world. Nothing will change that.

He walks to me, and sits on the floor with me. I feel his arms wrap around me, and I lean into his chest. "I'm sorry.. I loved you more than anything. I still do. Can you please give me another chance..? Now, I won't ever think you don't deserve me. I won't think anything like that. You mean the world to me, y/n. Please don't forget that." I look up at him, seeing his eyes filled with new tears. "Well duh, how can i say no to this face?" I grab his cheeks and smush them together and laugh. "I love you too, Danny." He smiled and leaned in and gave me a much needed kiss.

[harrycook]

27

June 12th 2018 was my 27th birthday.

Here are 27 things I feel like I have learnt about life so far:

1. Don’t Argue With Stupid People.

You get nowhere. It’s like playing scrabble with a dog, no matter how well you play, the dog will end up shitting on the board and walking away like he won anyway.

2. Eat The Damn Cake.

Yes I know that eating right and exercise is important for your health, but if you are in the vicinity of a cake or delicious bite of something, just eat it.

3. Working Is A Part Of Life, Not The Entirety Of Life.

Unless you adore what you do for a living and it is your pasison and life’s mission, take a deep breath and don’t take it all so seriously. At the end of the day, a job is to pay the bills and have pocket money to go and enjoy yourself when you’re not working. Unless you are genuinely passionate about your career, don’t sweat it. Don’t break your back worrying about a job that would replace you within a week if you dropped dead.

4. Don’t Take Anything Seriously, Seriously.

Unless you are performing open heart surgery or have the cure for cancer in your back pocket, lighten the fuck up. No matter what your job is, ask yourself if it will matter in 100 years? If not, giggle and let it go. The world won’t stop spinning if you miss a deadline or make a mistake. Breathe. It’s all good.

5. Ignorance Is A Choice.

Yes. It’s 2018. There is no excuse for ignorance or stupidity when we have more information on our phones than a public library. If you don’t understand something, research it. Pick up a book, scan the internet, question everything, especially the news. Be curious, ask questions and most of all, don’t be lazy. Educate yourself so the world can be full of kinder, more worldly individuals who know what they are talking about.

6. Throw Away Anything You Thought You Knew That Doesn’t Sit Well With Your Values.

We grow up in a society that feeds us garbage from the moment we enter the world. Boys are taught to be one way and girls are taught to be another. It’s a system that hasn’t changed in hundreds of years because society wants us to constantly keep within the mold. Screw that. Break the mold and let people be who they want to be. Go after a job you want, not what society wants for you. Travel, see the world, stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and go after the stuff that means something to you.

7. Laugh At Every Chance You Get.

Nothing beats a good belly laugh. Plus, it’s also extremely healthy. Laugh as often as you can. This goes straight back to the not taking anything seriously thing. Giggle more. It works wonders for the soul.

8. Get A Hobby.

The past year I have picked up the piano again (not literally 'picked it up', obviously, but started learning again), attempted to learn Spanish, set a goal of reading a book a fortnight (up to book 25) and started working out a minimum of three times a week. Each year older I start realising how quickly time goes and how many amazing things are at my disposal to learn or try.

9. Read The News, Then Read It Again, And Then Research Some More.

Don't take anything at face value. Just because the news tells you one thing, don't take it as gospel. These news shows are run by multibillionaire white men and corporations with agendas. Don't take it at face value. Look in to things. Read as much as you can and become your own private investigator for the truth. Just because a news show says something, doesn't make it fact.

10. Read More.

Nothing opens up the heart and mind more than a good book. The excuse of not having enough time to read doesn't cut it. Instead of watching an hour of Netflix, take an hour to open a good book. It's good for the soul. Trust me.

11. Get A Pet.

YASSSSSSS. Get a dog. Then get another dog. Then when you think you simply can't handle the amount of snuggles you are getting, get another dog!! In all seriousness, dogs are extremely good for your health. They reduce stress and anxiety, boost happiness and are wonderful snuggle buddies. Adopt don't shop! There are plenty of rescue animals in need of good homes.

12. Sometimes People Hurt You. It Sucks.

Yes. Sometimes the people you never in a bazillion years thought could hurt you, will hurt you terribly. I had an experience in recent years with extended family that completely shifted my entire outlook on people in general. Sadly, some of the people you think you know are far from what you think. It sucks, yes, but once you acknowledge it, it slowly stops hurting. You can move on with your life when you realise that sometimes a wake-up call is all you need to realise that you're better off without certain people in your life. And that's totally ok.

13. Log Off. Often.

The age of social media is WONDERFUL for so many reasons. Keeping in contact with people, viewing beautiful content, learning things with a click and the hours and hours of streamable content are all fantastic reasons to use social media. But on the flip side, it can also be an information overload and I highly advise switching off, taking a bath and leaving your phone somewhere away from you for a few hours. It can't be healthy getting a constant stream of negative news 24/7. So unplug. Those cute puppy pics will be there when you get back.

14. Exercise.

I know, I know, YUCK. Exercise isn't the most fun of activities, and I am the first to admit that whenever I heard someone say "but the endorphins are good for your happiness levels" I'd roll my eyes so far back in my head I could see my brain. But it's completely and utterly true. Just a 40 minute run 3 times a week has improved my mood ten fold. I've suffered with depression, anxiety and addiction for years, but exercise allows me to completely refresh and enjoy the day on a belly full of endorphins. Do it for the feeling you get, not to achieve some unattainable body. It works a treat. Trust me.

15. Napping Is AMAZING.

Yes. Napping is one of the best damn things to do. Nothing beats an afternoon nap. It refreshes you for the rest of the day and is a great way to reboot the system. Don't let people tell you otherwise. It's bloody fantastic.

16. Journal.

I've written a journal since I was ten years old and looking back on all the adventures, worries, achievements and memories throughout the years is something I cherish so incredibly much. Studies have shown that journalling is really healthy for the mind and soul. Grab a notebook and get doodling.

17. Take Photos.

If taking selfies is your thang, go for it. If taking pictures of trees, animals or the sunset gets you going, snap away. Taking photos is therapeutic for a number of reasons, but most of all it's a lovely way to document your life with things to look back on. Get snapping.

18. Never Think You Know It All.

It's easy to be arrogant when we are conditioned all our lives with things we are expected to believe. "Boys should do this", "girls should do that". But just because we've been taught it from a society that has never been challenged to think differently, doesn't make it right. Question everything. Stay curious. Look into things and don't dismiss stuff you know nothing about. Not only is it a really ugly personality trait, it gets you nowhere in life. Opening your mind and heart is a surefire way of experiencing life in all its' beauty.

19. Go After What You Want In Life.

Jim Carey did a graduation speech about his father who never went after his dreams because he wanted to do the ‘safe thing'. Have a 'stable' career that would provide for his family. From memory, his father failed and lost everything in his 'stable' career. The moral being that if you are going to fail at something, at least let it be something you love, because the fact is it is just as possible to fail at something you hate. Give it a go. Life is too short to not go after what you want.

20. Travel. Travel. Travel.

See the world. It'll show you that we humans are all the same. It replaces ignorance with knowledge and shows you how vast our planet is. Get out there.

21. Someone Who Is Nice To You But Not Nice To The Waiter Is Not A Nice Person.

I love this quote because it's so damn true. Don't be a dick to service people. Don't think you're better than anyone because you're not. End of story. Period.

22. Get Over Yourself.

Sort of a continuation of the above, this is just a reminder to get over yourself, have a giggle and realise that just because you have a fancy car, a nice suit or well manicured hands means absolutely sweet F.A. Being a good person, showing kindness, empathy and caring about the planet and human beings as a whole is what counts in my books. Just be a good person. It's that simple.

23. Tell Your Loved Ones You Love Them And Don’t Go To Bed Angry.

Pretty self explanatory this one, but all the same, something to remember constantly. Life is far too short to go to bed angry at someone. Throw away silly arguments and tell the people you care about how you feel.

24. Screw What People Think Of You.

I mean it. Who cares what someone else thinks of you? That's their stuff. How they perceive you and how they feel about you is none of your business. Water off a ducks' back. Let it go.

25. Try Not To Worry So Much.

I know. Easier said than done, but sometimes it helps to take a step back, take a deep breath in and ask a few key questions: Can I do anything to change the current situation? If yes, do it. If not, let it go. Breathe through it and remember all we ever have is right in this moment.

26. Meditate.

YASSSSSSSSS times a million. Meditating is one of the most powerful things I have ever learnt in my 27 years on this planet. Taking a moment to just sit and reflect and focus on the here and now is one of the most intensely wonderful ways of reconnecting to what matters. There are a million different apps you can use or simply sit and count your breaths. It works wonders.

27. Life is what you make it, but most of all it’s about love.

Love, family, friends and making memories is the most important thing in life. Every year on this earth I realise more and more how utterly stupid it is to worry about material things. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't enjoy material stuff whatsoever, but it shouldn't be what you go after in life. Nobody ever gets to the end of their life clutching on to their Chanel bag. The things that matter are the people you love and the memories you make.

So go for a walk, take in the view, have a laugh and breathe in every moment of every day. It's all we ever have.

- Harry.

[threenorth]

Tw dentist, blood doctors and maybe more i don't know it's ment to be a vent...ptsd horror I don't fucking know... Just leave I've warned you enough.. You can read whatever you fucking want.

Here's a vent that might take you forever to see, and i guess that's how it goes now.

To whoever finds me in my state of mind where there is only me and my battles of my own mind.

Thanks for what i assumed was coming to wish my happy birthday, i guess now it's not you, i thought id come clean and then to see you say you didn't know...

God i hate anons. Y'know? Can't they just tell us who they fucking are...and if i find out it's you later I'm going to more hurt, but i can take the hurt.

I will never do any of those things. It hurts you think I would, i got really fucked up a few weeks ago from everything that's happened this year and I'm haunted from a kiss, I've had to suppress my sexual activetly around you incase it brought you truma, so I found photos of things i thought was attractive and ultimately being undiagnosed autisc i guess there's alot I've had to learn the past 3 years... Let alone 7...everyday is beautiful and i face my demons and I'm winning some fights but now I've lost my reason to fight them, when i went to the gym and i can't do another push up i tell myself one more because it's a step closer to being able to pick you up and carry you over the line, not to do the other things you say.

But it's hard when all you can see is the other side of the coin, I thought id show you how much you mean to me, I don't think you should move away from the things, I just wanted to show you that i could of reached out but when i did it was only in an emergency... Your voice calms my seas like nothing else, now all i had was repeats of things that you said i guess now I'll have to live with your new words being painful ones...

I want to rebuild us, but now it's gone.

We need to talk, but we never can be on the same page, time is foward's and backwards you face your last battles because of me, i face mt first because I finally was brave enough to try ask for help because of you.

i guess we're both in bad places but i said i would get hurt for you, i want you to clear your plate but i guess i'm adding to it, but it only get better... Well for one of us...

but everytime it's a fight now, i tried to come to help at the time i saw what i thought was your sign for help. now i feel like no face from spirited away just another soul.

You once told me you wish people would fight over you, yeah little did you know then i wanted you but it seems you later we did too.

But i remember everything, about you it's taking up my memory because everything i choose to do, it's about you.

But I'll leave my socials how they are, if you want in my brain your find the fragments from June 2014 to September 2021, each blog post one thing in it was about you or something in my day.

If you want to find me, you know where I can be found.

In my letters i apologise for my actions, to everyone and try to talk to them.

I wanted to get to know them, but i guess i never will be able to either.

I even tell your father that i would always have an account for you with 5000 dollars it in so you can always go wherever you need to go.

I tell your father to exchange letters with your mother, where i tell her it would be nice to have Brunch with her.

I'm not a perfect person, but everyday i try to get my life back and every crossroad has your name on it.

Your wish is my command,

I hope you remember one thing from me.

I always tried my best for you, even if i knew at some stage your find out... I'm just sorry that I can't build a freindship with you when you mean so much to me aswell...

So herd about the police call.yeahhh that one was pretty bad but...

Did you know i called a safe shelter for you to ask pricing that i would of paid for?

I was loosing my mind but i said i would do anything so i guess my anything is walking away once more because that's what's asked, I want you to know I'm proud of you, your doing an only fans, the girl who told me she didn't want to wear a bikini because she was scared about her scars.

You truly are as beautiful as i saw, even if you didn't see it.

I guess i will never be able to be what i want to be, you are only person I've ever felt remotely anything for who understood me when my words don't work for anyone, but even when i didn't speak the ones i wanted you knew i suffered, yes i did but your voice heals my voids and makes me feel alive and now that I'm finally coming back all i want is you to sing to me, like i sung to you.

I'm ruined and broken, but to see you smile it's something that warms my heart like nothing I've felt.

I wrote about everytime i saw your face i saw the truma of the horror movie trailer, i saw your face and the horror on the screen, the lights the horror I couldn't do it because all i saw was you suffering.

I called the hospital twice and because i wasn't in harm to myself they didn't care, but i still kept my promise to you not to self harm, they didn't ask if I felt like it oh i surely did but i couldn't break a promise and see you in tears.

Do i want to die? Everyday my life without you.

Will I? No because everyday is full of pain i can feel again because of you,this sounds awful but the pain of having a good job because i remained here because of you.

I tell you father that we don't have much but he can take my life, and take it for every cent because it doesn't mean anything to me every paycheck i tried to save some money to help you out, and now i got new costs that i didn't plan on since my meltdown...

I will tell you many things but this one was supposed to be a surpise... In 2014 i asked someone if he wanted to help me make a song.

Some how being ignorant, he posted some of my songs lyrics to a website called something awful forum.

Eventually someone got in contact with me anf told me he did but something magical happened that a kiwi guy saw the song and put chords on it.

He modified it a little but in turn i could enter s contest for song lyrics, i came third.

Here's my song performance by nitton.

I would check the mail everyday hoping for a post card, but I've bounced around the place so many times that part would would say it's in the lost mail section of the post office.

I made this song when i first saw your smile and it melted me away but I told myself not to talk to you because you were younger than me but we became freind's then you became my best freinds then you became my lover then we broke apart then somehow because that's our relationship we met face to face, i left to suffer in my mental state or never being able to have you ever and try do college and now i rebuild my puzzle and piece I'm looking for is around your neck, you are my final piece, i knew you were special to me, but i hadn't known how special you would be...and still are.

She asked me how I was and i said good.

I lied to protect the ones you love.

I lied to survive another day to see you.

The days we didn't talk had been the hardest on me and now the days i talk to you are the hardest on you.

My problems fly away when i see your smile.

I wished it could be everyday forever...

But it keeps falling to pieces.

I have missing pecies but i don't notice my faults when you are with me i feel whole and complete.

Maybe the fault was the stars i saw in your eyes.

Maybe i am the pain I feared i was, i would tattoo my face to change it so all you can see is me but i grew my hair out like I've wanted and i grew my beard out needs a bit of trim but i wanted to show you that i have changed things have changed alot for me just as much as you.

But every wind blow in my hair feels like your hands in my hair...

I went to the dentist, got a clean done and this is hard on anyone but for me the sounds are so much worse being autisc, and then getting two cavities, i was in pain suffering from all the times I've had prior but I found peace in my pain reminding me I'm alive i felt your arm holding my hand, telling me everything will be okay and I let go of my pain and suffering from dentists and still hate the sound but...

I went for my covid injection, i had a mental issue on the way there but i didn't feel my pain you told me that I was okay and this is a new chapter for me.

In the day after talking to the people across the country. I had been in hospital, they had taken my blood i asked for not having a nerve block on my arm maybe it was the anti-pychs but i didn't really feel it this time, my nurse (male) was. Named the same as one of my bully's, the only one to apologise to me for making my life hell.

I don't feel pain anymore, but I do feel remorse and regret i guess i'm finally a man but a man in progress as I'm awaiting to tell them about my pain and suffering I've been through to maybe get meds. Everyday I wake up since 2014 and think i hope your okay, but i saw your face and the horror on the screen your face causes me pain but i can take it and eat it away until my demise of being bullied one night in a bar, I'm glad i didn't do anything stupid but i sure as hell felt it but then i remember that my job would be in jeopardy.

I never planned coming back to Colorado unless i need to and if that means wearing a gps tracker your see the only place i would go would be to the amc, the place my life begun and ended within minutes of each other, i might go up on that rock and scream out that I'm such a fuck up.

If i become famous in my song writing, i told myself I'd never tour colorado.

I would give you every grain of truth but when you say yours I'm in tears you think I'm capable of those things, I'm still haunted by our kiss.

Didn't he tell you that? I said i didn't ask permission to kiss you.

What do you think that means?

I had my rules for being with you and i started horrible habits to deal with my other parts.

I've given that up many moons ago, but you can't be here to believe me, my words feel powerless and weightless because you can't see my world, i see yours through a tinted widow that's how we are.

My words are often misconception and miskewed...

You may never understand my disabilities or my issues I face daily, I don't even know if I'm going to be able to drive yet... but i face them because you gave me hope for better things to come on my hardest days.

I tell you that i would of searched and this comes across like that word you use.. No I'm trying to say that i said would of looked everywhere for you, you are so fucking special to me, you don't have a fucking idea how special.

but you right where i left you, you are the best thing i saw in co, you are the best thing to happen to me in 27 years including college graduation and maybe even being told i would be hired full time... Maybe your be lucky enough to get a full time job.

I told him that every line there would be she can shortcut the line, he didn't even budge to see the lie when i named your demons with one being a lie, he doesn't fucking care about you the way i do, he can't even give a shit to make a fucking comprise on diet for you, you have dated him for 5-6 years. He's a complete douche bag.

He's never going to understand your hints..you see for me i had to analyse every word and every phrase and every gesture to try understand you and i failed to see the ones when you got broken.

I failed to see the time you were trumantised, but you saw me suffering and you made me feel at ease, but i opened my eyes to soon why couldn't you tell me it was over, why couldn't you see that..because you like horror and I've hated it...

that comes across like s- so fucking be it, i know more about you then most people.

I want what's best for you so i guess what's best for you now is that i never get to tell you that I've thought about you everyday expect once, for 7 years.

I guess I'll never tell you how in my darkest hours you push me.

I guess I'll never tell you that i would marry you on my best days and my worse days.

I guess your never find out what you want to know because I've offered to try mend but all I do fucking bend.

I said it once but ill change my words.

I don't know if it's me, well now i know its not.

I hope who ever it is you choose they at least have the fucking desire to learn everything they can.

And maybe they might understand how to ground people in the right way, and not tell them that reailty was wrong, i know you and i don't know what he knew about me, but he could of asked me anything.

In my letter to him i had planned to tell him you should of put a god damn ring on that finger i felt i should of many years ago but I couldn't, can't you see we had to do college and all this other shit...

Within 3 months of dating you i would of asked...

He's had fucking 5-6 years 3-4 more years with you then i ever did, he's a fucking idiot.

But if you love him, go ask him to marry you and don't wait for your fucking mental ex to come back,but you did... You waited for the perfect man I'll tell you I'm not perfect but I've made peace that I'm not, i just wanted to hold you in my arms as i cry on the days i think my pillow is you.

You say you threw out my favourite t-shirt.

I have to believe that, you say many things...

I would of asked for your hand a few months ago but didn't see the laws regarding that marriage is that i have to be in mountains , and file a record to the courts but if i return to mountains i know I'll be shackled more then i have been prior in my mental health.

If you needed blood on a surgery it's a shame I'm the same type,they may tell me it's risky to give more than a certain ammout but i would tell them to risk everydrop for you, i wonder if we're kidney matches, because i would give you my kidney.

If you wanted the moon i would find a way to legally name a crater for you, i wish i had more money to pay your surgery in full, but if you were here my medical insurance would cover most of it.

I would do anything for you and i guess the one thing you can't get from me is the thing you will get. A painful memory that when i tried my best to rebuild my life again and hearing you speak to me i should of just left you alone but I couldn't help it all I've ever done and wanted was to be yours, I wanted a tech job paying well to look after you i wanted to be in San Francisco we both loved the bay. If you need anything at all, i won't provide it because it's already been given you gave me my life and it belongs to you, you can do whatever you want to it. You want it gone so hes.

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: You got no business looking that good Rio: This is a religious holiday Buster: Don't look at me like that Buster: You're being unholy yourself, like Rio: Ha, try and make me stop Rio: we're fine, everyone's too busy with their lamb, thanks da Buster: You might be fine but I'm eventually gonna have to get up from this table Rio: You want me to pass you some water, babe? Buster: Don't you dare Rio: Salt? The peas? Buster: Behave Rio: But I'm bored Rio: and you're hot Buster: Well, bored isn't the word for how you're making me feel Buster: And don't start me on how you fucking look Rio: But I need to know what you're thinking Buster: But I thought you knew everything, babe Buster: Losing your touch already, like Rio: You want me to show you I ain't here and now? Rio: Well, okay Buster: Okay Buster: Go on Rio: Damn, been a while since I had to play footsie Buster: If you aren't up to it, like Rio: Please Rio: You know I could get you off from here if I wanted to Buster: You promising or warning me? Rio: Neither Rio: 😇 naturally Rio: wish it was though Buster: I wish you were on my lap right now Rio: Baby 😩 Rio: Play nice Buster: 😇 Buster: Get me a drink, yeah? I wanna see more of you Rio: What you want? Buster: Surprise me Rio: Stick to your usual Rio: Raising enough eyebrows being civil, never mind if I get you a 🍸 Buster: 😂 Buster: I can throw it back in your face if you like Buster: Be very uncivil Rio: 😂 Rio: I know you want me on you but you want it that bad you'll settle for a fat lip Buster: I'll take it if you call me later to make up Rio: Face that cute? I could never Rio: Though makeup sex is always worth it Buster: Never say never, babe Rio: You planning to get me that mad already? Buster: Like you said, we're raising eyebrows otherwise Rio: Hmpf Buster: Don't look at me like that either Rio: I can't help it Rio: I want you Rio: I hate pretending otherwise Rio: even though we gotta, obvs Buster: I know, babe Buster: There's gotta be something this fam is running low on so I can be a gent and take you to buy more Rio: Not fucking eggs that's for sure, think they've forgotten we ain't kids anymore Rio: the haul Jay's gonna walk away with will last her 'til she's at least 2 Buster: Maybe if I leave them here Buster: Chlo ain't got the willpower or memo that she ain't a kid herself Buster: I'd offer to keep drinking so we run out but I already don't trust myself around you Rio: Wouldn't be a proper function if someone didn't get wasted and disgrace themselves Rio: Put you to bed before you properly drag us both down, don't worry babe Buster: Don't, I need you to take me to bed Buster: or anywhere else Rio: I know Rio: I'll think of something Buster: Couldn't you have worn a church look or whatever Buster: Fuck's sake Rio: This is my church look Rio: turning it out for Jesus 💁 Buster: 'Course Buster: Ready to pray, yeah? Rio: Think pretending I dropped something only works in the porn but I'm game to see if you are Buster: I'm game for everything Rio: I know Rio: Thank fuck 🙌🙏 Buster: Am I a bad person if I use my kid as an excuse to leave? Rio: Hmm Rio: Probably but church portion of the day well out the way so even the big man can't be judging Buster: Fuck I can't though, can I? She's loving all this Rio: Yeah, bless her Buster: Least she's too young to know that her mum didn't contribute to the easter basket or even wish her a happy one Buster: Too busy flirting with me, like Rio: 😒 Rio: Bitch Buster: I told her me and Erin broke up 'cause there was someone else but she only heard the first part, obviously Buster: Not even any of her business what I do but that's a whole other story Rio: That'll be fun then, thinking she's got more of a chance than she usually does Rio: How does she not die of shame, like Buster: She'll outlive everyone Buster: Just to fuck me off Rio: 😂 Rio: all those spa trips Rio: going to the fucking fountain of youth Buster: Honestly Buster: I'm gonna need a buy myself a spa if she goes through with her plan to come here and pick Jay up Rio: 😬 Rio: least I get to see her best attempt at a seduce 'em 'fit Rio: see what I'm up against, like Buster: 😂 Buster: Indie's got more game and she's a kid Rio: pass on the compliment Rio: full of the joys of spring, babe Buster: She'll love that. I've seen her looking at me when I'm trying not to look at you Rio: Can't blame her Rio: You look especially good rn Buster: Still not on your level, babe Buster: You're so fucking beautiful Rio: Don't Rio: gonna make me blush Buster: I have to Buster: You need to know Rio: Baby Rio: Come find me in 5 idc Rio: I've got to see you properly Buster: Where? Rio: The studio upstairs Rio: there's old toys and shit in there that we can be trying to find Buster: and good lighting Buster: 'cause you know I wanna see you properly too Rio: Exactly Rio: you can appreciate fully Buster: I'm really appreciating how loud this fam is right now Rio: Got their uses Buster: If Jay gets much more hype there ain't nothing I couldn't do that they'd pick up on Rio: She's stealing your thunder, it true Rio: everyone too 😍 to notice us Buster: Good Buster: I only want you to notice me anyway Buster: No offense Indie Rio: Trust, I've not been able to focus on anything else Buster: I'm not sorry Rio: Me either but still gonna make you 😏 Buster: Go Buster: I'll see you in 5 Rio: 👋 Buster: I can't believe we actually got away with that Buster: Again Rio: We're just that good Rio: or they're just really deaf Buster: I like option 1 Buster: You're so good, Rio Rio: You too baby Rio: No matter how many times you make me cum, never enough, like Rio: mad Buster: What are you doing later? Buster: Come over and I won't stop Rio: Got a shift but can probably pop 'round after and Indie won't be home yet to clock I'm not Rio: thinks I got a mans anyway so Buster: As long as you don't wake Jay you can come over when you want Buster: Yeah? What did you tell her Rio: Of course Rio: 😶😇 Rio: Oh, that I've been fucking you, obviously Buster: Cheers for making me choke on my drink like a soft cunt, babe Buster: Hilarious Buster: Grandad's looking at me like I killed a bloke Rio: 😂 sacrilege to not be able to handle your drink in this fam Rio: just can't handle my bants, soz babe Buster: He'd rather I did someone over with my glass, I know Rio: Questionable ethics for a easter egg hunt for kiddos but go off, old man Buster: 😂 Buster: Gotta keep that competitive edge Rio: Don't, this lot need a referee Rio: putting Indie and Jan on time out Buster: I volunteer Grace Buster: Imagine like Rio: Definition of lamb to the slaughter Rio: appropriate for today but poor girl 😂 Buster: I'll cut her some slack, she's good with my kid Rio: Yeah Rio: who doesn't love a cute new baby Rio: programmed to in this fam Buster: True Buster: Only reason I ain't disinherited Rio: Weren't you're 'rents basically your age anyway? Rio: Can't judge when you make the same mistakes, just be very, very disappointed on the low 😜 Buster: Different story that we're all sick of hearing though, ain't it? Buster: My dad was in love with my mum when he was like 7 Rio: 'bout to say that's a madness but did mine really mature much in those 8 years like? Rio: 🙄 mental, all of 'em Buster: This fucking fam 🙄🙄 Buster: I'd rather be like Chlo who Rio: As much as she is that forgettable, defs not gonna happen on her watch is it Buster: She's still flirting Buster: Give it up, babe Buster: But like don't Rio: Pretend to be your new crazy gf if you wanna Rio: losing her mind searching for socials that don't exist Buster: Please Rio: Easy Rio: Comforted enough of my friends when they're in the wrong to know how to go off Buster: Come through for me then Rio: Fun Rio: Lemme hit up Grace for her straighteners Buster: She'll be buzzing Rio: Forreal, always trying to come for my hair Buster: 😒 Rio: Probably does look a mess now no thanks to you Rio: like bitch, you been dragged through a hedge backwards what's good Buster: Shut up Buster: You know you look good Rio: You might've mentioned a few times 😋 Buster: I'll show you a few more times if you need me to Buster: Just say the word, like Rio: Trying to get me to say the p word Rio: Gonna have to do better Buster: If I was trying you'd have already said it Rio: Promises, promises Rio: Can have that one for free Buster: Well, can't exactly promise to bend you over the table, much as I might wanna Rio: Buster Rio: Why put that in my head when I'm here having to wash up with the mas Buster: It's been in mine since I got here Rio: ugh Rio: either come help or go away Rio: can't have you near me if you're not gonna be near enough Buster: I like you but I don't like you that much Buster: I'll go do some daddy duties like Rio: 😂 Rio: fucking cheek Rio: good luck getting her away from your ma, that manicures too expensive for our dishwater, like Buster: It's not all you, I ain't about to leave my watch lying around this lot either Rio: have your hand off for it like Rio: didn't you know you were coming to the 24 Buster: I had tunnel vision, didn't I? Rio: Good Rio: how I like it Buster: I know Rio: What else do you know Buster: I know I want to be alone with you Rio: Tonight Buster: Yeah Buster: Unless you've got a better offer all of a sudden, that is Rio: You what? Buster: What I said Rio: Yeah but Rio: No, not since you last checked in like, 10 minutes ago, we're still on babe 😂 Buster: Says you but your phone been blowing up since then Buster: So whatever Rio: It's literally Indie Rio: Told you she's Sherlocking me Rio: Was you jealous? Buster: Fuck off Buster: 'Course not Rio: Awww Rio: How cute Buster: Shut up no Rio: Yeah you were Rio: s'okay, you know you got no reason to be now and i can't tell no one anyway Buster: I always knew I had no reason to be, babe, I ain't no proper competition Buster: That's why I wasn't Rio: Oh, really? Rio: Well then, I won't make an extra special effort to show you how much you do not need to be jealous Rio: Cool with me Buster: Behave Buster: No need to go that far, babe Buster: You can still show me something Rio: Idk now Rio: catch me going through my contacts like 🤔🤔🤔 Rio: got me thinkin' Buster: Yeah you do Buster: You know you won't get better than this right here Rio: Yeah Rio: so you still gonna let me have it or are you too pouty now? Buster: Yeah 'cause you obviously need me to remind you how good you got it with me Rio: Don't but want it so Rio: Please Buster: Let's go then Buster: I'll get Jay ready and follow you out Rio: Can't yet Rio: In fact, brb for a sec Buster: Seriously? Rio: [Suitable amount of time to have a smoke later] Rio: Back Rio: Indie needed some TLC Buster: I reckon you meant THC Rio: That too Buster: You wanna go now? Rio: Reckon this party's pretty much over Rio: got the 🍫 let's ride Buster: I can say I'm giving you a ride yeah? That's just gentlemanly Buster: Otherwise you'll freeze to death waiting around the corner Rio: I appreciate you resisting the urge to make a joke about me working the corner this time, like Rio: much obliged 👍 Rio: yeah, that seems normal and not suspicious Buster: Well, don't actually want that fat lip you threatened me with earlier Buster: Even if you would kiss it better Rio: For a whitey, your lips aren't bad Rio: so I'll leave you how you are 😘 Buster: Cheers Rio: Please tell me there's no family functions for a while? Rio: Hard work not being able to be on you Buster: Christ knows with this fam that I can't make that promise Buster: But I swear you'll never have to wait long for me to come find you whenever there is Rio: Now, THAT'S a promise Buster: And you can hold me to it, babe Rio: I will

[5hfanfiction]

Too Close To Home - Chapter 17

“Hey LA, how are you guys feeling tonight?” I say breathlessly through the microphone while the crowd roars through the night, “you guys have been really awesome tonight and I feel like I should make it up to you guys.

"That was actually the last song on my set but how do you guys feel if I hold you guys back for another song?” Another loud cheer erupted from the audience as a sign of approval.

“Well, instead of singing a song from the album, how about I do a cover instead?” I ask rhetorically as one of the guys backstage brings a guitar to me.

I sit down on one of the steps and looks through the crowd.

This week has been a really long week. From my birthday to all the drama I’ve gone through.

After Lauren left at night yesterday, I regretfully turned on my phone, only to receive dozens of calls from the management and my parents.

My parents do know that I like girls, but they also think that I should hide it because of how hateful the world can be. Because once you’re famous, you tend to get scrutinized and everything you do are evaluated into something completely different. So my parents believe that if I come out to the public, I would get more hate and they know that I can’t handle them.

I’m a people pleaser and I’m pretty sure everyone knows that. So if you can’t do the one job that describes you, what the hell are you doing?

Over the past few years, I’ve gained fame and fans. But naturally, I’ve also gained haters.

So the call with my parents were more of them being worried for my reaction to the news than anything else. They didn’t care that I had sex with a random chick, they didn’t mention the fact that I basically have a naked picture for everyone to see now, they were just worried about what I would do as a result to the impending hate I would get.

The last time that it was this drastically dramatic was when I quit the group. I isolated myself from my family and friends for 3 days, too much of a coward to see everyone’s reaction. I was also sort of depressed and that’s probably why they’re worried now.

I actually love them for this.

The meeting with the management was something else though. It consisted of them scolding me and threatening me for being stupid enough to have sex with a girl without something called an NDA. I mean seriously, this isn’t Fifty Shades of Grey; I wasn’t abusing the chick for gods sakes.

But the meeting was nothing I couldn’t handle so at the end of the day, I was fine.

They decided not to sue the girl for taking a picture of me without my consent. They didn’t want to make a bigger deal out of it.

How I repay the management was by booking an interview on my break next week. That interview will be scripted about how I was drunk and stupid that I wasn’t at thinking clearly. Which was true to that extent, but they said that I will say it convincingly as if I’m a straight girl who had a one time thing with another girl.

When I heard what my reparations were, I felt stupid for hoping that things would change.

I feel like a puppet. Every part of me is controlled publicly. Everything I do on social medias go through them first. And not only in that sense, I also feel controlled in general. Like, seriously… Why should I ‘repay’ for something I do at my own will if I was merely doing something any human could? They’re going against human rights but they don’t care. It’s ironic how they asked me to advertise human rights in public when they, themselves, contradict that belief.

Being at the receiving end of their ruthlessness sucks balls.

Then, a few hours ago, Dinah came to the suite and basically pushed me to tell her what’s happening between Lauren and me. And I did. I trust her enough to know that she won’t tell anyone about it.

I started telling her about the AMAs last year where Lauren came to me in the dressing room. Then I told her about Lauren and Lucy’s fight; which surprised Dinah, indicating that she didn’t know anything about their relationship. I told her about our fight on the beach and how we started being friends again. She just listened, not interrupting me unless it was needed.

It felt good to finally tell someone about it. I mean, I did tell Ashlee but she’s MIA now so she doesn’t know what happened the past few days.

With Dinah, she knew about our relationship since the beginning. She was there to witness it firsthand. Ashlee only heard what I told her so it’s pretty biased since I tend to victimize myself. But that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate her as well.

Lauren was pretty busy today, recording in the studio when she was supposed to yesterday. Instead of doing that, she accompanied me through my breakdown and I am eternally grateful for that.

We didn’t see each other today but she said that she’s coming to my concert; just a bit late.

I’m just hoping she’s here right now because the song I’m about to cover is obviously about her.

[XYLØ - I Still Wait For You (assume it's acoustic)]

Sometimes I feel like I can't remember Waking up with you when we were together I lost my temper, you left at midnight We saw the tears fall like rain on the headlights

It was always you and me How could we be nothing, nothing? I know that we don't speak But if I could ask you one thing, one thing?

Why can't we fucking get along? Forget everything we did wrong 'Cause you've been the one You know this will never change But everyday, I still wait for you No, I don't want this to be true This beautiful disaster is you 'Cause you've been the one You know this will never change But everyday, I still wait for you

(But everyday, I still wait) I still wait for you (But everyday, I still wait) I still wait for you (But everyday, I still wait) I still wait for you I still wait for you

Lately I can't sleep, I flip the pillow Tossing and turning and checking my cellphone My head is a mess and so is my bedroom I write a text then delete it, "I love you"

It was always you and me How could we be nothing, nothing? I know that we don't speak But if I could ask you one thing, one thing?

Why can't we fucking get along? Forget everything we did wrong 'Cause you've been the one You know this will never change But everyday, I still wait for you No, I don't want this to be true This beautiful disaster is you 'Cause you've been the one You know this will never change But everyday, I still wait for you

(But everyday, I still wait) I still wait for you (But everyday, I still wait) I still wait for you (But everyday, I still wait) I still wait for you I still wait for you

Every second feels like forever Where the fuck you been? Are you listening? Don't know what you've got until it's gone and Baby, all I need is you to tell me

Why can't we fucking get along? (I still wait for you) Forget everything we did wrong (I still wait for you) 'Cause you've been the one You know this will never change But everyday, I still wait for you No, I don't want this to be true (I still wait for you) This beautiful disaster is you (I still wait for you) 'Cause you've been the one You know this will never change But everyday, I still wait for you

(But everyday, I still wait) I still wait for you (But everyday, I still wait) I still wait for you (But everyday, I still wait) I still wait for you I still wait for you (But everyday, I still wait) I still wait for you (But everyday, I still wait) I still wait for you

'Cause you've been the one You know this will never change But everyday, I still wait for you

…

I am now in my dressing room, changing my performance costume to jeans and a tshirt, too tired to make an effort to beautify. It’s not like I’m going to out after this anyway. I’m just going to the tour bus and head our way to San Diego, California.

A knock woke me from my trance after I finish changing.

“Come in..” I call out.

Lauren’s smiling face pop in before walking inside. As she closes the door, I got confused.

“Where are the other girls?”

“Umm.. They’re not here. Did they say they were coming?” She asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh… When you said you were coming, I assume it was the whole group.”

“Nope, just me,” she shuffles her feet awkwardly. She has a hand on her back.

She brings her hand to view, holding a white rose, along with a gift bag.

“These are for you; as a fare well gift if you must. Since it’ll be a month until we meet again.”

“Umm… We’re all going to the KCAs on 31st March, aren’t we?”

“Yeah… My point exactly, next month.”

“No it’s not.. it’s this month. It’s in less than 4 weeks,” I tease, knowing that this would tick her off. She hates it when people correct her.

“It’s the same-” She stops, collecting her irritation back, knowing that I’m doing this on purpose. “Technicalities aside, this is for you.”

She holds her hand out. I smile and crush her bones by hugging her tightly. Her head snuggles to the crook of my neck, her smile obvious as her lips touches my neck. Of course it caused my breath to hitch as I realize her lips are on my neck and her breath are hitting my neck, but I held on.

After the little tense moment we had yesterday, we naturally became normal again; as normal as we can be at least. It was pretty awkward at first but after a few hours making jokes and discussing our song, we became fine again.

After sometime, we eventually release our hold on each other. I guide her to the couch on the corner of the room and sit.

“I liked your performance on the XYLØ cover, it was very raw and it seemed personal,” she says with a hopeful tone lingering on it.

“Yeah..” I say, embarrassed at the possibility of Lauren knowing my message. It’s one thing to send a message to someone but it’s another thing to receive a reaction from them.

Another knock filled the room after.

“Come in..” I repeat what I’ve said to Lauren just a few minutes before.

Dua Lipa came into view, with a huge smile plastered on her face. She’s tall, slim and of course, beautiful. She and I were acquainted last year through Charli XCX and we became pretty close after.

She’s actually bi too… Just FYI.

“Heyyy.. I’m sorry, I thought you were alone,” she says with her hypnotizing British accent.

“Oh no.. It’s okay,” I reply, standing up and meeting her halfway to give her a hug.

I sat back on the couch in the middle while Lauren and Dua sat on either side of me.

Talk about beautiful girls huh..

“Hi, I’m Dua,” she introduces, waving her hand on Lauren.

“Oh I know.. We follow each other,” she says simply, probably annoyed that she’s bothering our one-on-one.

Dua didn’t get the unwelcoming tone and lean back on the couch, a smile still tugging on her lips.

“So, Cami… I saw a very interesting article today.” She says with a knowing smirk. I immediately know what article she’s talking about.

I grunt, putting my elbows on my knees and hiding my red face on my hands.

“It’s okay, I think you looked hot actually. The only thing that surprised me was that it was a girl,” She states. I think I forgot to tell her.

“I’m bi, surprise..” I muffle through my hands with no enthusiasm at all.

“Oh.. Well, if I had known, I would’ve chased after you a long time ago,” she says, trying to lighten the conversation by making a joke.

“You suck at calming me down,” I retort.

“I lick too,” she smirk, finally making me laugh from her wordplay. She adds, “You know I wouldn’t judge you for your sexuality right? I’m glad that you came out.”

“Oh, but I’m not. I have an interview next week and say that I was just, and I quote, 'having fun’.”

She grunts, knowing how homophobic the music industry really are.

Actually, at first, her label was against the whole her being bi but she kind of rebelled afterwards. She didn’t go to meetings when she was needed, she purposely made her voice out of tune when recording songs for her album. She even run away at one point. They got tired and eventually let her. They even tried to threaten by putting her job on the line but she called their bluff. And obviously, they lost.

For me however, I don’t think I could do anything that rash. She’s daring and bold while I’m a coward.

I know I should do it, considering it’s possible. But then, I feel like she was lucky than actually tactical. My label also obviously know that I’m friend with her so I don’t think they’ll be as nice to me as they were with her.

As we talk, I realize that Lauren hasn’t said one word to me and her since she sat down, except maybe the awkward greeting.

I look over to Lauren and see her playing with her hand. She looks so small at this moment that all I wanna do is hug her.

I bring my had to her thigh to gain her attention. She looks up and smile softly at me, still jut saying anything. I look back to Dua and continue talking to her but kept my hand on her thigh, squeezing once in a while as a sign that I still want her here.

“Who gave you the rose?” Dua asks when she saw the gift on the coffee table. All the other gifts from my fans are already in the tour bus and this strike out more to say that it’s gifts from fans. Besides, why would I lie?

“Lauren.”

Dua just smirks as I answer.

“We’re just friends,” I say as nonchalantly as I could be while my heart aches when it came out of my mouth.

I feel like I’m hitting something too close to home. We’ve said that in the past before and I feel like we’re repeating history all over again. Only this time, I’m the one who said it.

I know we really are friends right now, but deep down, I’m always hoping that we have something more. It feels like it’s a reminder that I don’t really have her.

“Oh goodie, I have a chance.” Before I can say anything else, Dua continues, “Alright, I think I have to go now. It’s getting pretty late.”

She hugs me and Lauren at the same time and went her way. Before she completely walks out however, she adds, “Also, for the label hiding your sexuality.. We’re gonna do something about it. Bye, love you.”

Lauren and I sit back down with a confused expression etched on each of our faces.

“She reminds me of Vero,” Lauren finally states out loud, “very… flirty.” I just laugh in response.

We spend the whole hour talking, without any disturbance this time, laughing and smiling at each other. She talked about her day in the studio while I talked about the concert I just had.

It felt like old times. And I love it so much.

[chasingeast]

Can't sleep.

I'll never understand why I still wake up late at night in the wee hours. It's 12:57am and I feel alive. Not exactly how I hoped the night would go! I admit that this Tumblr has been a saving grace on many occasions. At the moment it is preventing me from reaching out and calling. So I'll continue to use this public forum to stop me from doing so. I have to admit that overall, in the broader picture I've been more and more so content with myself. Though it may not seem as such. Compared to one year ago I feel less of a direct heartache. I have slowly (minus today) improved on sleep. Because I am looking out for myself, my senses are becoming more fine tuned. I've started to open up more to new faces, while closing off doors to others. I am learning from all of my past experiences and trying my best to not fall in the same footsteps. I am more aware of the way I carry myself because I want to hold myself high and treat others the way I wish they would have treated me. The reason why I couldn't sleep was because I received an unexpected notification from your sister. (See how clever I am? This is an indirect message to you so that I do not formally reach out. Sad? Yes. I'm not perfect, and still working on ceasing all forms of communication even if I am only talking to myself) I am not sure how I stand with your sister anymore. It matters to me because as all people I've become friends with I feel like I'm still the one who always reaches out, makes the effort, only for another person to stop all together but they'll have enough energy to follow your activity. I don't say this in a negative light. I say this as an observation. Sometimes it's frustrating. Sometimes it's very confusing. Other times I just try not to care or think about it so much. I admit I was surprised to see that she added me on Instagram. Happy. But again, confused. She told me two winters ago that she, as I've always remembered, is a strong and straightforward person. She would not keep in touch if she did not want to. So it now boils down, well but I've been reaching out and she had been responding. Does her statement only extent to whether or not she responds? I'd probably drive myself to the grave trying to figure it out. Why is this important? She was a person who held an important place in my heart, which reminds me of your family, which also holds an important place in my heart. It brings back happy memories along with memories that I dread. At the moment, more so memories that I dread. Dreading how I fell in love with them so much that in the final months we were together I put in all my last efforts just so that I could still be connected with them. That was so wrong. To hold on to you and to go against my gut so that I wouldn't have to also lose your family. I miss them dearly. Which in every memory of them brings me back to you. These memories are much more painful than they are pleasant. I still lay here on the on and off occasion thinking about you. It has become increasingly less. Which is great! I can finally say that I only cry at most once a week or every other. Which is a huge milestone compared to 5x +/- daily. And I lay here mostly in disappointment of myself that I still share any concerns. It's been too long at this point. I am disappointed in myself that I allow myself to even breathe the thought of you and allow myself to become upset. It's getting old. Staying disconnected has helped. Disconnecting from the both of you has helped. Social media, phone numbers, old messages..All gone. On Sunday I finally boxed away your things. Everything we shared together, every card and written memory. It upsets me how 3+ years could fit in such a small box. Those words of affirmation mean so much more to me than the physical gifts that linger. Words that I desperately need right now. Anything. Closure. But I never got that closure I desperately wanted. I wanted to call you after the last time I saw you, to have an important talk to clear the air and finally understand why you even let me back into your world for you to quickly and swiftly shut me out of it again. But I never got the chance to. In one foul swoop you told me no words of what changed between us and only that you met someone else. I didn't have a full expectation of getting back together. But maybe that was the problem to begin with. I put down my expectations which in return slapped me in the face. This past year has put many things into perspective for me. First and foremost I have a very concrete idea of the values I need in a partner. My only fear is that I've become so closed minded. Let's reflect. Top on the priority list with character traits: dedicated- to me and all things he holds dear, and honest- in actions and words including follow through. These two words hold great weigh which also tie into being loving, passionate, and committed. Of course the other things I would love for him to be invested in include being adventurous, lover of food, lover of hiking/interested in backpacking, and no smoking/drugs/forcing upon religion. I want a best friend to grow with but also someone who will give me my own space. Another big lesson you've taught me, against my prior belief in my younger years is that I don't need a person to be by my side at all times. I just need them to be committed to me. Someone that stands by their words. When we set a date, we follow through, unless it is due to an unforeseen event or bad timing. And not changed because of better choices. I don't think it's much to ask. I have found in this past year I really enjoy having my own personal time just to myself, as much as I enjoy allocating time for those who are important to me. I have dreams and goals of my own that I want to full-fill. If there is someone that comes along that becomes my dreams and holds greater value than my previous goals then I welcome them. I value dedication. I do not consider dedication to a person as "throwing your life away" but rather character in its own. There is only one of a person in the world, but there are millions of jobs and opportunities. I fear that I had such strong feelings for you that I may never feel this way towards someone else. The amount of dedication that I had. That every choice was a decision I made willingly. Choices that never crossed my mind as being a waste or a loss. But a build up of decisions because you were all that mattered and I could not see a life without you. And of course as reality shakes me back to life.. it is very difficult to feel so strongly and watch the person you feel so strongly for slowly and continuously walk away. Even though in the end I was the one who walked away, it was by far of my life the most painful experience. To realize that the person you had become no was no longer the same person I had been fighting for all this time. And the pain and strength that was required to recognize this. To continue to fight. And to admit defeat for a losing battle. So I reflect often. On how our relationship has changed me. It leaves me feeling raw and broken. But has helped bring to light all of my strong qualities that you had taken for granted. So as I continue talking out loud like a broken radio it helps me to finally realize how far I've come. I know that my friends and family are sick and tired of hearing me. So I've stopped mentioning it to them and continue to fight and console myself. I need this. Mental talks. This is what I've always done. I think this is my strong suit. To this day, I still don't ask for advice. I simply share and tell. Since I was young, I felt such anxiety being on my own. From the times when my closest friends turned their backs to me. I remember dreading every waking moment in fear of loneliness, being made fun of, or any negativity. The self inflicted pain whether internal or physical that I had done to myself in hopes that I could find a means of escape. Honestly, I'm glad I have such an incredibly keen conscience. If alcohol, drugs, smoke, or the like had been presented to me and my decision making had been shut down I would have turned to those routes. And on top of my bad habits and picking up habits, it would have ended poorly. So for that I am thankful to my annoying conscience. I've always felt like I've only had myself to truly depend on. I've always worked out my own problems internally. There had been occasions when I could not handle it and when things had gotten out of proportion is when I finally shared to another. I am proud of myself that I can make my own decisions. I do not need someone else to decide for me. And I do not put down asking for opinions because I think it is important to be questioned and to compare thoughts. However give me choices between restaurants and I'll be deciding for days. I am also looking for a person who is mindful and so in tune with themselves that they can make their own choices without relying on the consultation of others. Which makes me wonder how insecure you must have been. Did you often talk to your friends about us and our arguments? Based on your retelling of stories, it seems that you followed their lead. Which makes me wonder if you've made choices about our relationship on your own or have I been dating your friends who had helped you make those decisions ? I'd end up running myself dead to figure that out. I will never receive the closure I want. But in a way that's okay. Eventually I will be able to stop writing to you all together, but until then this will prevent me from reaching out to you. I will never be able to figure out where the you I once knew had gone. Or if he will ever come back again. But the girl you once met is still here. She's changed. She's stronger and more straightforward. She's not as innocent and naive. She doesn't believe in your words, but is willing to trust and believe in actions. She has a growing heart and a larger appreciation and dedication towards those whom she holds dear. She refused to let just anyone into her world anymore. Walls have been built but the walls are not so rigid that they block out light. Things are simply different. But good in its own way. And once again that fleeting need to reach you is fading for the night. As each morning rises and I walk the same path to work each morning there is a new found hope, love, and joy. I hope for a steady recovery so that I may one day have these burdens lifted from my shoulders. G'night. Be well. Sleep and dream sweet things. And know that the light at the end of the tunnel is drawing nearer.

[parkyparkpaaark]

"Tell me everything you know and I swear it will just stay between the two of us."

For the first time in the past ten minutes they've been in this cramped, dimly-lit room, Sam Wilson finally met the gaze of the man in front of him. He was never a fan of one-on-one conversations even with his family, let alone with a guy he just met. He had always described himself as a new kind of specie who is incredibly anti-social. Although there was one person who could make him talk nonstop without feeling uncomfortable— Bella.

Who is also the reason why he was in this room, talking to a guy he barely knew.

"I don't know anything."

---

The siren of the ambulance blared through the streets, turning the heads of each resident it passes by. Accidents are not a stranger to the small town of St. Jane County. But the peculiar thing was it was the third time this week that the ambulance picked up another teenager that goes to Northwest High for what can be barely called as an accident. Unless you call discovering a dead body in the restroom with a bubbling mouth an accident.

It boggled the mind of the people how it all seemed to happen consecutively, following the death of Bella Green. Various speculations were formed, some a little hard to believe while some thought it was just a mere coincidence. But what stood out the most was the belief that Bella left a curse before she died and that she's haunting the students who go to the same school as hers.

Ethan Blake, a senior from the same school, says he's had his share of odd sightings of the girl roaming the halls of Northwest High. He admits having to have had a relationship with her for a short amount of time in the past.

--

The stranger set down a couple of pictures of a blond, well-built, good looking guy in front of Sam.

"Know him? He claims to have dated Bella. Is that true?"

He scoffed at the mention of the word. "Dated? Now he says that. But where was that when Bella came up to him at the cafeteria two months ago asking what they were? That asshole barely looked at her before making fun of her in front of his teammates."

"How about the two people who have died earlier this week? How are they related to her?"

Sam knew better than to play games with the town's detective, so he gave in. Without looking up from the table, he began speaking.

"The first one, Paige Morgan, was running for class valedictorian alongside Bella. Both of us knew she was a dirty player and would probably pull up an act which could get Bella in trouble. And true enough, she posted a nude photo of Bella using an anonymous account in our school page. The picture was real, and I'm sure she got it from Ethan, being the only guy Bella has ever been with. I reported it immediately but it was too late when they took it down because the principal had already seen it. He was about to expel her but she begged him not to so he thought he'd just eliminate her as a candidate for class valedictorian."

The whole time Sam was talking, the detective has been writing nonstop on his little notebook, this being the first time he's received relevant information about the case. There was finally a flicker of hope in solving the mystery that's been bothering him for weeks.

He took a sip from his already cold cup of coffee, "And a few days after Bella's death she was found lifeless in her room, am I correct?" Sam nodded. "How about the other one? Mr. Travis Anderson?"

"Well Travis was a bully. I can still vividly remember getting a wedgie from him back in freshman year," he couldn't help clenching his fist at the thought of the jerk. "A few days after the issue, Bella found out that Travis was the one who sent the photo to Paige using Ethan's phone. By the way, Paige and Travis were dating during that time so you'd understand why he helped her."

There was a minute of utter silence after Sam stopped speaking. It's beginning to make sense now— the consecutive deaths that followed Bella's, the cause of death of the victims, and their connection to Bella herself. The detective thought for sure there was something fishy going on— I mean how big of a coincidence can it be that both the victims were found to have been toxicated by the same drug? But what he couldn't figure out was why the victims voluntarily took the drugs.

He was about to ask more questions about the subject, considering how much Sam had already spilled. But before he could, he was cut off by the boy, "Sir I've already shared a lot of what I know. Can I please go home now? I still have to prepare for our prom tomorrow night. I haven't picked up my tux yet and it's getting dark outside."

Having left with no choice, he let him leave.

---

[P R O M]

It had been weeks but Ethan still couldn't get over it. He spent most nights staying up all night, contemplating on the things happening around him. First it was Bella— who he admits he has wronged and no one knows how sorry he is for being a jerk to her. Next it was Paige, who he didn't really like, considering she's an entitled bitch. And then there's his bestfriend Travis. He couldn't even enjoy prom like he thought he would months ago.

Who wouldv'e thought Ethan Blake, a candidate for prom king, would be sulking in a corner instead of dancing with the other students?

His train of thoughts were interrupted when his eyes landed on a girl standing by the doorway— Bella. But how could that happen? She's dead. At least that's what's been going around the school. Extremely puzzled, he stood up and followed her. Could he really see ghosts? She is a ghost isn't she? If she isn't, how can she be alive?

Questions were piling up in his mind while he followed her to the library. She took a seat on her usual spot and motioned him to sit across her, so he obliged. No one spoke for the first few seconds. He didn't know what to say and Bella, well he has no idea what's running in her mind either.

"Cat got your tongue, Ethan?" she broke the silence. "I know you have a lot of questions in mind. Let me hear them."

"You're alive?"

Bella chuckled, "I was expecting something better than that, but yes. I am alive."

"How?"

"Ethan, sweetie, time's running out and you're asking the wrong questions."

He rubbed his hands on his face, evidently frustrated. "I'm sorry it's just hard to process this right now. Everyone thought you were dead Bella and now you're here in front of me. If I tell this to anyone they'll say I'm out of my mind."

"Well that's the thing, you won't be able to talk to anyone after this." The sinister smile plastered on Bella's face was enough for him to wet himself even though he didn't understand what she's saying. "Since I can tell you still have no idea what's going on and you failed to ask the right questions, I'm gonna help you out. Wanna know how your friends died?"

He let out an audible gasp, "You were the one who killed them?"

"Yeah. Wanna know how I did it?" she asked in almost a whisper. Without waiting for a reponse, she continued. "I asked them to play a game with me. See this bottle?" she held out a small, transparent bottle with two pills inside. "One of these pills has poison in it. I asked them to choose one and whatever's left will be mine. We'll swallow it the same time and whoever dies obviously loses," she took both pills out of the bottle and put it down on the table. "Now Ethan I want you to play with me."

"What if I don't want to?"

Bella smiled once more before pulling a gun behind her, "Oh I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you this is not optional. All you have to do is pick one. If you're lucky enough, you'll get out of this alive and I'll be the one who dies."

Ethan stared at the identical pills in front of him. There's no way to tell which one's safe and which one isn't. He could feel her stare piercing through his soul the longer he decides. After giving it much thought, and accepting his terrible fate, he picked the one from the left.

"On the count of three," Bella picked up the other pill and positioned it at the entrance of her mouth, and he did too. "One, two, th—"

Before she could finish, someone kicked the door open revealing Sam holding a gun as well. Bella furrowed her eyebrows at him, oblivious of what's happening.

"I can't take this anymore, Bella. I helped you get your revenge because I know how much you needed it. But I don't want to hear another person dying because of you. Now put down the gun and surrender to the cops or else."

"Or else what?" she pointed her gun at him and shot him near his shoulder, earning a scream from Ethan who was cowering behind the curtain of the library.

Before Bella could fire once more, Sam aimed the gun and shot her on the head before losing consciousness.

---

[ONE MONTH LATER]

"We're back in the same spot we once were, Sam. Now tell me everything that happened that night."

The detective was right, they were in that same cramped, dimly-lit room they were in a month ago. And it's still because of the same person. But this time he couldn't bring himself to say what he knew— not because he was still the same anti-social guy, but because of his fear of what might happen if he tells the truth.

He avoided the gaze of the man in front of him before letting out a sigh.

"I don't know."