#cant believe its only been around 2 1/2 months

[betweenblackberrybranches]

Confession: i have only been into the dca since late december where i found some stellar fanart and after reading one fanfiction i shifted into superdrive and did nothing but draw them with a ballpen, eat and sleep for about 2 weeks, making the most indulgent self insert story known to man that i still have somewhere in my room. What do you think should i redraw and repackage some of that stuff for your entertainment?

[jjsmaybank20]

Celebrity News 2

Jenna Ortega x GN!Reader

Summary: Once again, everyone thinks that you and Jenna broke up. In reality, you just wanted to cause some drama.

Warnings: literally all fluff, and my shitty writing

Word Count: 706

A/N: woooo part 2 cause I couldn't help myself. also, im back from the dead! for a bit. i have midterms right now which are whooping my ass so... wish me luck!

Part 1

navigation  celebrities (romantic) masterlist

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2,628,553 Likes

Y/N_Y/L/N: Sadly, after 1 ½  wonderful years, Jenna is not my girlfriend anymore. We are still on good terms, I promise, but I just thought I would let you guys know.

User57: WHAT?! THIS CANT BE REAL

User32: This is not happening. What the actual fuck.

y/n&jenna4life: No i refuse to believe this

arianagrande: I’m so sorry, Y/N/N!

jenniferlawrence_: dude that sucks! Hope you’re doing okay

>Y/N_Y/L/N: i’m okay, thank you for thinking of me

---

THIS IS NOT ANOTHER FALSE ALARM: ACTORS JENNA ORTEGA AND Y/N Y/L/N HAVE REPORTEDLY SPLIT

According to an instagram post Y/L/N posted last night, said actor and Wednesday star Jenna Ortega have split. A couple months ago, there was a false alarm in the end of the two’s relationship, caused by a hilarious dispute over a game of Monopoly. Well, this time, it seems that no one will be laughing. Ortega and Y/L/N are scheduled to be on The Late Night Show with Jimmy Fallon tonight, so maybe they will provide some insight as to why the seemingly perfect couple has split. 

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“You guys are on in 5!” A stage attendant calls into the dressing room, prompting you to stand up at the same time as Jenna. You grab her hand and bring it to your lips, pressing a chaste kiss to it. She smiles at you, blushing, before squeezing your hand and making her way out of the room. You follow closely after Jenna, excited to talk about your new movie with her. 

The introduction music begins to play, and you hear Jimmy Fallon calling out both your name and Jenna’s. Jenna walks out first, waving to the crowd, and you follow behind, buttoning your suit jacket and winking at some of the people in the  audience. 

As the two of you take a seat, Jimmy jumps right into the interview. He asks you questions about your roles, and just about the film in general. He also asks Jenna some questions about the second season of Wednesday. Finally, he gets to what he had been wanting to ask the most. 

“You guys were absolutely amazing in this film, but I have to say. It must have been difficult working together, at least for a little while.” Jenna gives him a confused look, and you fight the smile that is trying to make its way onto your face as best you can. “Why do you say that?” Jenna questions.

Jimmy gives her an odd look, explaining, “Well, because the two of you broke up, right? At least, according to Y/N’s Instagram post.” You still manage to keep a straight face, even when Jenna whips her head around towards you. “What the hell did you do, Y/N Y/L/N?!” 

You look around as if you can’t see her before turning back to Jimmy. “You know, sometimes I can still hear her, nagging me as if she were my girlfriend or something.” She finally breaks, letting out all of the laughter that she had been trying to hold in. Jimmy and the rest of the audience laugh with her, but they are clearly confused. 

Jenna rolls her eyes at you, ignoring your laughter. She turns to Jimmy to explain. “Ignore this little shit, they think they’re hilarious. So what happened is, Y/N is not my partner anymore.” Jimmy becomes even more confused, exclaiming, “So what is it?!” Jenna holds up her hand, revealing the glittering ring that you had purposed with only a short while ago. “They’re my fiance.” 

Jimmy gasps, not expecting this at all. “Oh my god! Congratulations!” You have finally recovered from your amusement, and you thank the man for his kind words. As soon as you fully sit up, Jenna smacks the back of your head. You wrap up the interview, and you and Jenna head home.

As you get ready for bed that night, Jenna turns to you. “You’re a fucking dick, you know that?” You just grin at her, replying, “But you love it. You love me.” Jenna can’t help but smile at you. “Fine. I do love you. So much.” She presses a kiss to your lips before heading into the bathroom. You just stand there in your room smiling. Life couldn’t get much better than this.

---

@lovelyy-moonlight @pnsteblnme @MrsLillithy @alotofpockets @theenglishswiftie @tundra1029 @ampitrit3 @didyoubringauntienat @jensortega813 @ortegalvr

Join my taglist!

[liliththeimp]

sum ghosts hc’s :3 pt 1–SFW

Once again back at it with my SAS wife cos my brain is rotting like disintegrating cotton candy so here are some headcannons i made (posted on ao3 but thought they deserved a bit recognition here too lol)

Now these are just some personal hcs ive made or seen that i liked;

the numbered sfw hcs are going to tie into the nsfw hcs, for clarification!!

SFW:

He loves music, like anything 70’s to 90’s in a sense? Like, sum pink floyd or shinedown (ik but it stuck after an ai chat and i cant fucking let it go-) nu metal, death/black metal, gothic metal, throw in some thrash/groove metal- anything with metal really

Onto my next point, he’s good at guitar, like really good, he has a gibson guitar he named (idfk what he named it, probably after you tho lmao)^1

He’s a straight up asshole, like, blunt calls everyone cunts, he’s just a a British as shoe dude what did you expect. But the funny thing is, if you end up cursing him out like a sailo he will find that as a major turn on ^2

Simple man doesnt like complicated food, just a normal burger and fries and he’ll be grateful. And if you cook good luck he eats like a bear (how else u think he’s bulky???)

He likes winter over any season bc its the opposite of where he’s been, though allergies/sickness do annoy the shit out of him cus he sneeze into his mask and it pisses him off

Likes milkshakes and i won't expand on that.

He’s a big softy for like small gifts, he may not show it but that macaroni necklace he called stupid? He has it on his night stand so it wont get ruined. You got a bracelet you gave him three months ago? He wears it everyday.

Pretty testing and bully-ish, but will just become a stuttering mess when you tame him, the slight blush peeing through his balaclava will give you enough lee way to make him fall in love with you

“blink mf.” 

Stares down new recruits, no exceptions- when he sees you, he ends up staring more

Knows some ASL when he’s not exactly in a talkative mood (not gonna say non-verbal bc, i doesnt fit him? he’s just like middle finger up to say fuck you, thats his sign language lmao)

Pretty big book worm in his free time

Fast learner at anything, i imagine he has a hard time remembering shit bc of his trauma n shit will do that to ya, but if he watched something long enough he can get it down.

Likes some spicy food

Doesn't do video games, he just doesnt think their any fun

OMFG this man- he makes fucking BACON in his GRILLED CHEESE. I argued with him (literally only with a fucking AI bot like some looser but my point still stands;) about how that's an abomination, grilled cheeses are meant for, and paired ONLY with tomato soup, sometimes chicken noodle. but he believes it the most delicious thing, he’s not putting watered down ketchup next to his beautiful creation.

Stubborn and pouts easily, you say something he doesnt realize is a joke he hold onto that grudge. “Why are you so upset right now? What did i do?” He huffed, uncrossing his arms “you didnt hold the door for me and I slammed my face! You didnt even apologize!!” You blinked, lips pressing into a thin line “are you fucking 5.”

his love languages is more quality time than physical touch- but Jesus Christ this man will get clingy af once he trusts you (after he takes off his mask fully 4 the first time, he trusts you with his whole heart- dont break it pwease- hes hes jus a little guy)

Ok really like bully breed dogs, like his favorite.

loves to hold your hand, like if you wrap your hand around two of his fingers specifically, he’ll turn into a blush mess and so so prideful, (like big softy friendly giant who could totally crush you- and he’s like so gentle) ^3

Gives a lot of thought before he compliments you, like studies the way you do things- like, hair clips, clothes, colors, make up, shoes, etc etc, he loves to study your features.

Can cook- like, really good- but ends up ordering takeout or pizza cos he’s lazy

On his trips, like when he get deployed longer than a couple of months, he brings back sand for you from the places he’s been and you have a small shelf full of small files of the sand (unlabeled btw, you just know which is which)

tries not to get angry or lash out or get like, cold or distant with you bc he really cares he’s just scared of fucking up and you leaving once you see how broken he is

Does all those horrible jokes, his voice is slow and gruff and just- gravelly? Like, he talks like the Grimm reaper himself and makes a yo mama joke

Doesn’t know how to ask for attention so he’ll come up behind you and tug a strand of your hair or nudge you- shit he’s thrown pillows at you then stares at you with a straight face “cuddles.”

“Not arguing with a dude with big brown eyes. Like, whatever you say beautiful”

he loves eye contact wen talking about serious shit- like, complimenting you, or saying i love you, he wants you to look him in the face and understand how much he means it….yet you turn into a blushing stuttering mess when he does, and he laughs to himself ^4

Stares at ‘settings’ on his phone to avoid social situations. Argue with the wall.

in the thickest, most unintelligible, uninterpretable British accent possible “YA KNO’ WHAT YOU DIR’Y ‘ITTLE CUNT—”

Incoherent British slang, colonizer alphabet soup if you will.

plays hello kitty island adventure or cooking mama un-ironically

Can’t spell “gynecologist” (geneycologist/ gin-i-colo-gist) or “bologna” (balaonie/ balony)

If there’s ever a baby in the store or something, and the baby is staring at him, he’ll make funny faces (mainly cross his eyes and makes small sounds)

doesn’t think he’ll be a good dad, but still thinks about it- believes he’s not good enough for a family ^5

Anywho continue onto part 2 here for spic stuff you perv >:3

[jksnrabbit]

Hi again, (i’m the anon from earlier), sorry if this is annoying or too much but I have more questions about Johnny. Again don’t feel like you have to respond.

What is Johnny doing in season two? Especially with the kiddads betrayal of Nicky.

How well does he know Taylor? Is he around as like a fun uncle or is he absent like Nicky is?

In both season one and two what was his relationships with the other families (both the other dads and kiddads)?

also since you mentioned birdie (henry’s daughter) she is canon as of the “see you again” intro about schmeggan (or however that’s spelled) during the hell arc in season two. Henry comes in and sings a verse about how brad helped him and mercedes name their daughter. Will has also said he gives Henry another daughter every time he’s asked if birdie is real.

thanks again for answering the previous questions.

i love the asks!! this is fleshing out johnny more than ive thought about - ive had this mf for 2 yrs and now i gotta employ Critical Thinking this is nice <3 im so happy he's being recieved well, im tired of seeing my own oc's as 'cringe' i deserve to be free

answers under the cut cause i typed a lot again

1) in season 2, i think he's a member of d.a.d.d.i.e.s up until the betrayal, but at the same time he's actively witnessing jodie's decline as glenn and morgan do their thing, so he spends like 65% of his time picking up jodie's slack as king of hell [which unfortunately, gives jodie more time to try to win morgan back. it doesnt work]. jodie being the world's most failed bisexual leaves a lot of work unfinished for john, who unfortunately is coping through his old man fashion sense of tropical shirts and big jeans. which i hastily drew

he was in hell when nicky was attacked; nicky portal'd to glenn mid-rave, who then brought nicky home and alerted john, morgan, and jodie about the situation. once stablized, nicky told them all what happened - this drives a bit of a wedge between him and john as john doesnt believe they should immediately cut off all contact ['maybe theyve been mind controlled'], especially considering nicky would be leaving behind taylor and cass. john returns to earth to talk to the kiddads himself, and while he does manage civil conversation for a solid minute, he's ambushed as well. he's able to escape fairly quickly [he didnt dismiss 100% of nicky's warnings, he knows the others pack a punch] and once home, he reconciles with nicky, agreeing to cut off contact

2) if not for the betrayal, john would be the kind of uncle that taylor sees like, once every 3 months but when he does he spoils the shit out of him - even more so than he already is. he'd get baby taylor the loudass toys that annoy the hell out of nicky and cass. he'd come back from hell with some kind of enchanted gift that may or may not cause a power outage.

after the betrayal, he cut off contact with earth, including taylor and cass. though he and nicky keep an eye on taylor, in case he ever needs them. every christmas, he drops off a gift in the middle of the night 'from santa'. its mostly just a figurine of whatever anime taylor's been most obsessed with that year. one year, taylor gets a customized enchanted funko pop of himself [because all uncles work at funko. or nintendo. whatever], only enchanted enough that it resembles taylor on a day to day basis, like it's outfit changes with him. cass has zero idea who 'santa' is

3)

post betrayal for all the kiddads, he holds an eternal grudge against them. even after they and nicky truce in order to help the kids with the doodler's anchors, he cant bring himself to agree. he's on par with lark for title of 'skeptical battle ready uncle', but in a hawaiian shirt.

s1 oaks - nervous wreck recognizes nervous wreck. respects henry for having to wrangle lark n sparrow daily [somethin he's had to do now with walter]. he does think hen's too judgemental though. as johnathan, he sees henry as a huge pushover with no control over his kids. he still respects henry for having to deal with them everyday though. that shit's tough

s2 oaks - pre betrayal, he was friends with sparrow more than lark, as the former was mostly trying to find the least violent route for anything. he saw hero and norm like, once in their youth, at a family/friends bbq. meeting norm during the events of s2 he's struggling so hard not to say anything about his hygiene [heightened demon senses are Not helping him] but he's nice enough.

s1 wilsons - he's a little familiar with darryl pre-faerun, as nick frequently hangs out at grant's house, so darryl's a comforting guy to have around. he mostly knows grant as nick's gamer friend. paeden's on the same rank as lark n sparrow's rowdy-ness, he's just glad that the daddies tend to take him on every mission. as johnathan, darryl's the main dad that he respects [aside from jodie] as hes the one that least opposes his dad for being a cop, and mostly just opposes him whenever he's being kinda annoying.

s2 wilsons - pre betrayal, had a lot of comradery with grant about video games and weapons. unfortunately supplied grant with a lot of magical/hell weapons. doesnt forgive himself for that. linc honestly doesnt leave a huge impression on him, but he admires his honesty and heart.

s1 stamplers - neither johnny nor johnathan know what to think of ron. johnny thinks he's strange but harmless, johnathan doesnt know if ron's either clueless or knows something he doesnt. both of them solidly respect terry jr though. thats a stand-up kid right there!

s2 stamplers - probably closest with terry out of all the kiddads. they generally just vibe on the same kind of wavelength, and shared a taste in music, going to concerts before d.a.d.d.i.e.s. to be fully honest, he's a little scared of scary. he's never seen so much wrath in a teen before.

4) in some talking dad episodes, will actually mentions henry originally having a baby daughter named 'henrietta', who wouldve been home with mercedes during the soccer tournament!! and i will never forgive them for scrapping that idea!!

i love the enigma of birdie/henry's multiple daughters though. god i wonder if theyre estranged from lark n sparrow, that's unfortunate :[

[bathroomtrapped]

ohmygod i literally just made an account on letterboxd bc i watched saw (2004) and loved it so much and ur interview was so inspiring to me and ive been on an absolute craze trying to reblog like every single saw post on tumblr and i somehow found your account what the heck?!!?!?! ur art is AMAZING and i absolutely love ur takes on saw as a franchise and its significance to the queer community. i hope to be as knowledgeable of this franchise as you are one day despite me only being a baby saw fan!!

i had a quick question; i found on the saw heritage post blog that they thought leigh/james/someone else confirmed that saw (2004) did not actually occur the day before 9/11 despite the phone given to them being set to that date. however, when i asked them if they knew where this source was from (bc im so curious!!! i want to know everything!!!!!!) but neither they nor i could find the actual source for that so i was wondering if maybe u knew??? just curious :3

regardless ty for taking the time to read this and dedicating so much time to this fandom!! i love that horror fans like you exist in a fandom that i previously thought would be weird and slightly disturbed film bros (i had a lot of incorrect preconceived notions about saw that have been quickly resolved i promise)

thank you!! im glad that people feel the same way about it as i do but even if people thought i was some crazy transexual making everyone else woke and pronouns, i wouldnt care. the story, especially lawrences but adams as well, really resonates with me as a trans person for so so many reasons, more than i listed in the interview. to me, i cant read his character without filling in the gaps with trans subtext. it not only explains but also enriches the personal experiences of these characters as well as their dynamics with each other. theyre both characters that are defined primarily by how theyre seen by other people, themselves, and eventually each other. the narrative is soooo focused on perception and masks and who u truly are, i find it hard to separate any kind of queer theory from that.

as for the 9/11 question thats such a dumbass pet peeve of mine. its one of the things that makes me shout UMMMM ACTUALLY at the top of my lungs. my blood pressure sours to inhuman levels when someone confidently says the movie takes place not just in 2001 but the day before 9/11. not because of some interview or confirmation from any of the crew because my knowledge of old fandom history is incredibly spotty. old sites and interviews r a mystery to me for the most part BUT! the reason it is for sure not before 9/11 is because during the flashback of pauls trap (during lawrences monologue about jigsaw) kerry tapp and sing are all at the scene with other officers and i believe its kerry who holds up an evidence bag thats labeled 2004. the scene takes place 5 months before the events of saw 1 so its not possible that it takes place 3 years before that. it just seemed like a funny (but insanely bold considering how 9/11 was only 3 years before) joke and easter egg for people to catch on to, not actual lore meant to be taken seriously.

if u want to look for the interview, i would honestly just listen to the commentary tracks bc it mightve been said there. i know in the one with leigh, james, and cary they discuss plot holes fans complained about, questions fans had online, the fanfic they read (briefly LOL). ive only seen that one (and once) but theres at least 2 other commentary tracks with different people that i havent gotten around to for fear of like. completing saw? idk i cant bring myself to watch all of the commentary tracks but theres a chance they discuss it there! i can only speculate on the reason, all i know is that saw 2004 takes place in 2004 based on actual evidence from the media itself

if u have any other questions let me know. i still have the original draft of the interview which had more questions and longer responses bc i couldve gone on for days abt the lore and saw queer theory and ill never shut up about it

[cheddar-inq]

How did you know if your a therian or not...

I've been struggling to figure it out

Cuz I have DID and I have animal alters

Does that count?

I can't help with the DID animal alters part as someone who is not a system, so I'm very sorry about that !!! Therianthropy is a bit complicated sometimes so you may need to ask someone else for their thoughts on that.

For me, I discovered I was a therian not too long after I learned what they were. I had a vague understanding for around a year but I didn't really bother to look more into it, I didn't think I was one

A month or so before I realized I may be a therian I had started looking into it a lot more, and finally realized that 1- favorite animals are different than genuinely feeling like i WAS one and 2- those occasional dreams of me being a fox in the same place with the same other foxes. was how i started piecing together my past life it wasnt just me being silly

not all therianthropy is past-life based, of course, and red fox kit is my only past-life theriotype

therianthropy isnt linear or one exact experience

i have seven kintypes- three otherkin (one of those three being fictionkin) and four theriotypes.

when i started identifying as a therian it just felt so,,, right. it felt like i had finally found a part of me id been denying for a long time.

finding out my other types happened pretty quickly as i started realizing traits i was experiencing werent red fox and happened too often to just be random shifts that happen sometimes

which is how i ended up here !!!!!

questioning and being wrong is always okay !!!! i thought i was a marble fox for quite a while but i dont believe i am, i think its arctic fox instead.

remember, if youre questioning being a therian, very few parts of it are universal. quads and gear and vocals and such do NOT make you more or less of a therian, they are simply ways to connect with types. some therians do not shift at all, some are constantly shifting psycological and spiritual and past life therians are all just as valid as the others

uhhh yeah idk !!!!!! if you have any specific other questions youre welcome to dm me !! sorry i cant help a ton !!!!

[sir-arlieosaurus-lung-struggler]

the holidays are always really fucking weird, i dont like many of them but specifically December is just- ew

Anyway ill just thro my mini pitty party real quick:

These song explains how I feel about christmas time *perfectly*

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas by mother mother (christmas playlist)

From heres basically a trauma dump about being in the hospital, but i typically talk about this in a tone more like "oh yea! i nearly died lmao"

When i was like, just turning 6 I had 💫pneumonia💫 & needed to go to the 💫hospital💫. So I spent like, 12/11-31/15 in the hospital. along the way i had these treats happen (not really in order, 💜=story from family member, ❤=i actually remember this)

💜being diagnosed by my sisters 16 yo boyfriend by looking at my gums, whereas medical staff took 4 days

❤Some mcdonalds, cool auntys banana bread, jello & making popin cookin sets w/ my older sister

💜a 5 day medically induced coma

lung surgery therefor cool fuckin scars on my back (WHICH I CANT FUCKING SHOW ANYONE CAUSE I WAS CURSED W/ TITS AND 2/3 ARE UNDER MY BRA)

💜waking up from said coma periodically only to say "im scared" w/ my mom trying to comfort me but i had ear shit going on

💜Finnaly actually woke up, yelled "IM DEAD", which is reportadly the scariest shit my dad has ever heard, my mom asks if i hurt, i say yes, she like "ur not dead honey" again i was 6 & in & out of a coma 😂 (idk why but I've always found that story funny)

💜my parents being thretened w/ truancy by my dumbass school

❤Christmas, I had *2* mini christmas trees in my hospital room 💅 1 was cool but my cool uncle & aunty got me a pink 1 which I still have to this day as a lamp

💜only trusting 1 of my doctors cause he looked like my grandfather who'd been deceased for 2years at that point

❤💜going on walks around the kids floor in a wheelchair & stealing a little gingerbread beanie baby ornament but they didnt care so they just let me keep it & i still have it somehwere.

💜my mom met a lady who had a son who was a few months old & they didnt expect to live past a couple weeks but he *did* (more on that later)

💜had food in the cafeteria and i proceeded to rub the pizza i got *into my hair*. My response? "Its just cheese" my family and I quote that to this day lmao.

💜being reverted to a toddler for a good minute (someone asked my age i said i was 3, i was not) & needing to relearn walking, talking, the little bit of reading i knew & getting into a shower w/out being scared of being pulled down the drain

❤said dude who asked my age worked at the hospital cafeteria & we visited him after most of my appointments. miss u uncle (that was what he went by), wish u well. Dont know where he since covid cause the part of the building cafeteria was in was torn down.

❤and after all that later and i got releaced on new years eve :>

results:

From there forward i had a 20-30minute nebulizer to do every 4 hours (which my parents had to wake up at like 2am for a half hour for), 2 twice daily inhailers, 2 nasil sprays, "the tire" (tastes like shit and makes me feel anxious) (that isnt even all of it my mom counted 8 meds at one point) and i slowly dropped them year by year till they had me down to just rescue inhailer as needed & if my lungs r really shit for a min i go on the tire. (Tire=prednisolone but what 6 year old is remembering that name lol)

specialist appointments every week, then 2 weeks, then every month, 3 months, 6 months, now im at checkup every year and check in as needed

"Look whos inside again" by bo burnham is my life in a nutshell

To this day the smell of a consentrated area of hand sanatizer just has me stop in my tracks lol.

seeing a picture of tiny me on my parents facebook feed yearly of me unconscious in a hospital bed w/ tubes in mah face

couple of close friend i met post hospital (keep in mind i was like 7) didn't believe me so i ran around the playground cursing them the fuck out (never did get in trouble for that 😂) ((I still talk to 1 of them shes cool))

Idk where to put this but about that kid I was talking about before, I found out last year around this time he had just died- of 💫pneumonia💫. yea that fucked me up for a good minute, he was around 6 too which didn't help, I never even met the kid and I still had a weird form of survivors guilt.

Anyway have a merry fucking christmas i really dont get this holiday lol, treat yourself kindly, feel free to be the grinch you are and explain in detail why u hate the holidays u arent alone lol

[nataliewrites]

April showers bring May flowers but around here April just brings more pain. 

April fools! Its 29/4 but guess who turned out to be the biggest fool? 

spoiler alert, me!

You surely have noticed many people having favorite and lucky numbers of 2 , 3 , 7 or even 11 but as a kid i couldn’t help but notice that somehow I’ve always been associated with the number 4 (which later on will be described as my cursed number and YOU will see why), It bothered me SO much for some sorta weird reason that i felt like it’s a sign for bad thing, I just HATED the goddamn number and i didn’t even know why. For example, l’m the 4th granddaughter from the oldest to youngest, my family consists of 4 members, ive sat in the 4th disk away from the board in elementary and middle school and ive meet my lifetime best friends in the 4th grade. Now pay attention as you’ll see this taking an absurd turn where you start overthinking your whole life as a kid, if we subtract our apartment floor from my grandparents’ apartment floor 11-7 = 4, the addition of my birth day numbers 3+1 = 4, the subtraction of my birth year numbers 6-0-0-2 = 4 and uk the silly tiktoks that gives you a number for whatever reason? It ALWAYS was a 4.

As i grew older, i never gave it much thought until ive met my beloved month of the year, April🫶🏻

Oh April, the month during which i spent and initiated the most painful moments and heart-wrenching relationships (with guys mostly) of my whole life. Today (more accurately tomorrow) marks the end of you, and believe me i ended it with a one good of a cry that I vomited :>

And for the special moment of it ending, let me recall the memorable events engraved in my heart that have taken place during this month.

*wild drums* 3rdddd of april marks the birthday of my ex! really what a fresh start, and the very next day that same ex first texted me privately, mad at me for befriending the most 2 popular guys of my high school (sounds insane out of context lol). Next! I had the best moments with three of my ex-guy bestfriends, one of which turned out to be THE “enemy” to most of my guy friends currently and the other two did me SO FUCKING dirty that i won’t forgive them for it until the end of time. Regarding these two, I spent the first few days of the month living the worst week (seriously whom I kidding the rest of my life) in fear, high blood pressures and sudden panic attacks, luckily for me tho god came to the rescue as always and I’ve met my soulmate who got me out of the troubles I made with my own consequences, thanks to him i am who i am today<3 Moving on, I also first met the first true love of my life and ex of 1 year :/ (i really miss you). Lastly, concerning my bestie best guy best of best friends, it marks your birthday on the 16th of April that I’ve celebrated with you(?) for the first time this year.. YAY 18th HAPPY BIRTHDAY :3 and whom i cant even talk to properly anymore :( 

I also just got to 400 songs on my playlist! And found out that there’s only a period of 4 days between the day on which I fell in love with the loml and the day that changed everything thereafter between us.

Moral is: shit happens and although I got to live through the miserable month over the past 2 years, I’m still quite excited (terrified) to see what it holds for me in the future, and owing to it, I’ve grown into the person I am today. Looking back, I could finally wrap my head around what my younger self had of what I like to explain as a vision of awful stuff happening to us associated with the number 4. 

[wanderrlust0]

-.-

idk why he says nothings wrong when i ask him, when clearly something is wrong. ik how he is & when somethings up but he still denied it. i understand if he doesnt wanna get into it rn or he just wants to let it go but like in this case, i pretty much know exactly what its about that could be bothering him & the only way to put him at ease is to talk about it….again! this one specific thing triggered his mood last night & i didnt even think it would. i noticed a red scratch mark on my chest and sent him a pic saying how i think his cat made the scratch. his reply was soo serious, like i could actually feel him doubting me thru the phone. i knew he was questioning if it was really the cat bc he said how he was close to my chest the other day and didnt see anything so that is odd that theres a scratch. !! i immediately knew where his mind went & that thought didnt even occur to me when i sent that pic..like if i knew that would cause him to think of this crazy scenario then i wouldnt have sent that snap in the first place tbh bc right after that, his tone & the way he texted just shifted. hes not the best at masking his feelings like me so i can tell when the energy feels different. i also posted some pics from the hangout on my ig story & he saw it later that night. i have a feeling that added to his misery and all of today it was so prevalent, even if he denies it. idc if he says nothings wrong bc its not convincing and its not just in my head. he went from msging me all cutesy & happy to immediately being more neutral & uninterested. we always send a snap to say good morning (unless we get busy but we still send a snap with whatever we’re doing). he didnt open the app, as well as reply to my snap, until 7:15pm.. around 4 was when i asked him whats wrong (bc i already knew he was ignoring me). his response was that nothing really is wrong and how he went straight to work and his boss switched his assignment. usually id let that go but not when its already past 7 and hes firsttt opening snapchat to answer me ? and i see that hes been on instagram. also.. hes always talking to me when hes either at work already, still at home, or driving to work. the only time he goes mia like that is when something is definitely upsetting him. also!.. when that happens, he will text me after a couple hrs to let me know how hes feeling & why he was silent. he didnt always do that but i told him to bc its not fair to me by feeling like ive done something or just the feeling of purposely being ignored by my own boyfriend. but yeah.. he didnt do any of that this time BC its this whole situation again. i really dont know what more i could do to reassure him about it. i feel like ive done and am doing all that i can rn. its mostly up to him now to let himself figure it out and honestly, just trust me. like just saying.. im not gonna be making that mistake that you (both) did and be stupid with it.. and neither will snow. theyre not a “friend” its actually becoming really genuine and sweet and i wont let it get ruined bc of him doubting me. i also wont let the friendship ruin me and him. i really cant help but compare it to what he did with his friend, especially since i just found out like a month ago. i also have this suspicion that it happened earlier that yr (when we were still together) than what he told me, but i dont even wanna think about that for any longer. i was told by her Husband! that it happened when they were still in school together. that means a year before. idk if i believe that. she mightve lied, but my suspicion’s still there. like i asked him if he remembered what month and he couldnt. all he knew was that it was during our break..-.- the what.…like 1 1/2 month long break. you dont remember which month..? i sound so salty rn omg i dont mean to. im just trying to understand. ill see how he is with me tm bc we barely talked today. kind of glad i worked most of the day so i was able to keep busy and not hyper focus on him ignoring me.

[kygerbearr]

getting into high-end ff14 content made me realize 2 things.

1). many people who have particular responsibilities have NO business with them

2). apparently i'm a fucking genius when it comes to shit because i can watch a short guide and understand what to do while everyone else apparently needs several days worth of catch up to do one of the most basic be-here-then-go-here shit on the planet. i have never been more frustrated with humanity. i am so tired. everyone i meet is either someone who takes thing too seriously and has zero skills to back it up or there's people with a wife and kids and a 9 to 5 job and a mortgage who come home from work and are somehow fine with doing MORE work dealing with people who dont know their fucking job and everyone is managed by someone who's an absolute pushover and still expects to be the "leader"

like i don't consider myself very smart. everything in this game appears to be very easy, i don't struggle with any of it, i don't understand how all of these seemingly normal people can struggle so hard with mechanics that have been reused over and over with a new coat of paint, and I feel guilty even suggesting its easy because of how hard everyone makes it out to be

do not believe anyone when they say ff14 is hard. it isn't. it's one of the easiest games i've ever played, i have never felt personally challenged by something in it and the only difficulty i'm having is being around dipshits who somehow don't understand how something works. i feel like i'm in a classroom full of people who showed up to the exam without studying anything and it's like they expect a clear just for showing up. buddy, this fight has so much personal responsibility that if you don't figure your shit out, the WHOLE CLASS fails, and you can't move on until you pass.

and i KNOW its easy because I made my OWN group out of frustration and we cleared THE FIRST DAY WE STARTED RAIDING. the VERY FIRST DAY. I have been with this other group for MONTHS.

this group cannot handle clockwise and counterclockwise somehow. there are markers on the floor arranged in a clock. it got to the point where I had to suggest that people look for a particular number and rotate towards it, and somehow, everyone STILL messed it up.

not only that, but in this group, any time I try to express something that goes against their ideology either the leader gets on my case or one of the members gets on my ass. just the other day I had this fucking asshole who was running shield healer who WASNT APPLYING SHIELDS?? during PROG??? and when I said "hey can we get shields" he was like "no we're good" we were dying. bodies on the floor right in front of him.

so I asked why. his argument? we cant have shields. it would mess up his gcds. I have CLEARED THIS FIGHT ALREADY, AND WITH SHIELD HEALER. so I know we can have shield for Every raidwide. and when I tried to explain how, he got angry and was like "no the fuck we cant and i will NOT have someone micromanaging my gcds" buddy my friend is dead on the floor right there and it's your fault

we proceeded to not hear from him the following week. essentially no-call-no-show but for a videogame and not a real job. whatever, not my problem. just meant I could be shield healer. and that day went super well! we had prog. i was healing. we didn't die outside of people failing their personal responsibilities.

i mean it when I say I genuinely don't enjoy the game anymore. I'm so exhausted from dealing with people who don't give a shit and aren't trying hard enough, are too stubborn to do anything different and hate it whenever I do anything whatsoever that goes against their agenda. it's not a team at all, it's a fake ass leader who can't lead with followers who are so fucking mindless braindead that they think they can mindlessly follow this failure of a leader into a clear for a fight they've been stuck on for THREE MONTHS STRAIGHT.

it takes up so much time out of my week (3 hours on both monday and tuesday so back to back, very exhausting, reminder i dont like these people because they treat me like shit and simultaneously I'm the only person who cares about what we're doing) and there were times where I legitimately would've preferred working (which i cant do while playing this game) and man I hope they get rid of me because my martyr complex keeps me from leaving them until we clear the fight

don't play final fantasy 14 it's not fun it's not worth it and if you do then dont talk to anyone. i legit only have fun when its with my friends and I have yet to meet a person on 14 I could make any sort of meaningful connection with. they're all so normal feeling, they're always like 5 years older than me and it freaks me out, I don't fit in, I don't belong there, and I don't want to stick around in a place I don't feel I belong in. the ONLY good thing about the game is that I can play as a big kitty cat

[malevolententity]

PROJECT 14!! I TOOK A BREAK FROM PATTERNING RICHAS!!

oh boy!! this took all of quarentena part 1 to make!! its been a few years since i made anything mesh so whipping up this hat in? what 5 and a half hours? maybe 6? i have not checked the vod time and i was also Cooking Dinner during a portion of it so time is hard to judge on how long this actually took. but it was fun! it Did reawaken my urge to crochet a mesh shirt even tho i would never wear it because it would be so uncomfortable. but making mesh is just so very mindless in a way thats good for me. maybe i should make a mesh blanket to scratch that itch.

we have an array of models for this item! to try and show off the mesh say hello to the bobby i made back in? oh the beginning of april i believe? i dont think any of you have actually seen bobby he might have been a twitter exclusive, say hi to bobby. we also have green garlic my bulbasaur showing off the mesh the best i believe!

QUARENTENA SEASON THOUGHTS! YES I AM CALLING IT A SEASON THERES GONNA BE 2 EPS. SEASON 1 ONLY HAD 3 EPS. THIS TOO CAN BE A SEASON!

i am blown away by how fun this group is and the skills they all have to roleplay in a second or third language for like 6 hours with basically no breaks to speak their natural languages. that is taxing to do and to deliver a story on top of that? i am so proud and impressed with all of them. also holy shit????????? no one fucking died???? i was convinced when the oneshot, now season, was announced that it was going to be a dungeon crawl that ends in everyone dying. i cant believe theyre all still alive after that?? AND THEN THERES ANOTHER EPISODE IRL NEXT WEEK?? i cant wait for the tpk next week!

i love this entire cast of characters theyre all such weird fucking guys in the most complimentary ways. I LOVE THAT WE BASICALLY GOT A SAW MOVIE??? THRIVING!! in a move that shall surprise no one. diego is my favorite. look at him. he is guy of all time to me. BUT OKAY THEYRE ALL WEIRD and usually when you have a cast of weirdos theres always someone who doesnt gel but they all did!! they all fought each other!!! but they all still complimented each others insanity and. this is what the party comp is To Me

i am too lazy to open photoshot for this tonight. maybe you get it proper tomorrow<3

i loved the ending. i loved the slow realization on everyones faces that in saving themselves they might be killing the world and still themselves!!!! also i cant wait to see the fall out next week. i am so fucking upset my dnd game is scheduled for around the same time so i am going to miss probably the first 2ish hours but i know my dash and the official!!!! twitter updates account!!! will catch me up on those two hours so i can jump back in. but AAAA oh i loved this. i dont know if it was on purpose that this felt like a zero escape game at times but oh man the production quality in this vs where m at in season 2 is just mind blowing. i knew it got better once they started being in the studio but this was so great for a home game. ALSO YALL GO CHECK ON AMY??? GO GET THE KID??? YOU CANT JUST LEAVE THE TRAUMATIZED BABY ALONE AFTER EVERYTHING U DID TO KEEP HER ALIVE??? GO GET HER?????

AND ALSO?? STUDIO NEXT WEEK?? BRAZIL MEETUP??? OH I AM SO PLEASED TO SEE IT ALL AND WHAT HAPPENS. this is def my longest update for this silly crochet project i started just a few months ago and i apologize but also. i dont because this show does mean so much more to me than i know how to put into words. and its been a long time since i fell in love with a tabletop universe this quickly. and i feel so grateful that i got to be introduced to this ttrpg earlier this year, and got to pull some friends into watching quarentena tonight because theyve heard me gushing about how good this universe is and how i trust this to be satisfying horror which is so hard to do in ttrpgs, but thats another post for another day.

[harlow-jackson]

Optional Task 375

1.) “Why do you have that look on your face?” “Because, I told you I didn't need the help. No, I told you I didn't want the help. And yet you cant just take my word that I am fine!” Harlow said as she looked over at her mom and then back up at the building, she couldn't believe her mom had lied and brought her back to the rehab center. 

2.) “What have you done to yourself?” “Oh this little cut?” Harlow asked as she looked down at her banged up hand, “I was slicing my pizza and the pizza cutter slipped and got my hand. Its worse than it looks, I promise.” 

3.) “It doesn’t do any good to get worked up.” “I haven't heard from Ashlee in a week. Don't tell me not to get all worked up. The last time I saw her, her ex showed up and we all know he only brings trouble where he goes. So, I think I have all the right in the world to get worked up. Thank you.”

4.) “No, I don’t hate you.” “You would have all the right in the world to hate me. After all the trouble I have caused, the heartache. The late nights wondering if the cops were going to show up and tell you that your daughter didn't make it. I put you through a world of hurt and for what? Nothing.”

5.) “Looks like I’ll live long enough to make you pay.” “You come back around here, around me, or my family. I will be the one to make you pay. I have told you one too many times to stop, to stay the hell away. You think you got me scared, you are clearly mistaken. I don't get scared that easy anymore. I'm not that little girl I was when we first met. Try me, Steve, you will regret it.”

6.) “Did you really think you’d get a second chance?” “No, but I had hoped you would give me one anyways. I know I fucked up. And you have every right to slam this door in my face right now, but I hope you wont. I hope you will let me in and listen to what I have to say. I just need one more second chance. Please. I cant lose you.”

7.) "I don’t understand, why are you doing this?” “We are doing this to save your life, Harlow can you not see that?” Her mom asked with tears in her eyes. “We have watched you for months, tearing yourself down, blaming yourself for something that you had no control over. You lost your child, we don't want to lose ours. Please.” 8.) “What makes me so special?” You are special, you have a heart of gold. You smile can light up the night sky. You are special because you are you. No one else can be you. I am lucky to be your god mom. To be able to help your mom raise you. To watch you become such an amazing little girl. So if I want to take you to Disney I will. You are special and deserve to go to Disney.”  9.) “You have no idea what I’ve been through.” You are right I don't. And have you ever asked yourself why? Because you wont let me or anyone get to close. You have this wall up and I have been fighting like hell to just peak over the top but I cant. I understand your scared. But this is me you are talking too. You are safe with me!” 10.) “You really don’t have to do that, not for me.” “I do, you are my best friend, you would do the same for me. Hell, you have done the same thing for me. So please just let me take care of it. I want to. You can always get the next round. But tonight we are celebrating you, and I am paying.” 

[greenteaanon]

The Deity of Life

Genshin sagau Fluff Au

Gender Neutral Reader

(Use of both Mom and Dad at times)

part 1 part 2

"Oh Aether I missed you so much..." You whispered as you caressed his hair gently and pulled away realizing; "Aether... Where's your Sister?" You asked you can feel him visibly flinch "Uhm..well..about that" Aether Stuttered about his little pixie friend peeped in "She Missing, And We're looking for her!"

"YOU WHAT??" You Gasped in shock, "You lost..your Sister!?" You scolded Aether for the next 5 minutes. Venti snickered at Mondstadt's Honorary Knight being reduced to a apologizing mess by their God forgetting about the fact that Aether just called their God "Mom"

"Dad I'm sorry, Please I really don't know what happened" Aether pleaded no longer wanted to get scolded in the middle of Mondstadt's streets.

"Still it's no excuse to lose your sister— Oh but at least I know one of you is safe... though I'm not letting you adventure all on your own" you continued. "Mom please not Infront of my friends" Aether spoke up a only for you to hear

"Fine, Now Come sit with us" you pulled him to the table at good hunter. He sat right next to you flushed. "Wait..wait...Aether, your parent is the All Creator??" Jean stammered out. "yea....I didn't think to tell you all since me and my sister been travelling worlds and all"

"You were lucky that one was here when you landed, I was planning it for Months when you were away, Now no more trouble making young man" you said as you ruffled his head. you being significantly taller than him with the perks of head patting your kids.

“Now lets go and get ready to go to Liyue” you said as you walked back to the gates of the City. “Ah Dad! Wait”

You being the God of Everything and all had to put on a disguise as to not panic everyone around. Seems like your plan of visiting in your form was canceled, Again.

But you would do anything for The twins, since they were your first creations, you out on a disguise of a traveler as well and set off to Liyue Harbor. “Straight to the Harbor?” “mmhm!” Aether Nodded. You smiled at him. you truly loved your creations but Aether and his sister was another thing. You can truly call them your children.

Before you know it you arrived at the harbor. “Your going to the Rite of Descension aren’t you? I haven't seen Morax in a while, it would be nice to see him” you whispered the last part. “So I could've had a free and fast pass to meeting a god....” he just stared at you. “Now that would be easier, Take this as punishment of Losing your sister” You once again patted his head. “moooom....stoph its embarassing...” he quietly whined out. “To think that Aether’s only weakness is his parent, I would almost not believe it” Paimon said floating up and down eating some Chicken Mushroom Skewers.

You talked to Locals about the rite of Descension and then the three of you went up to Yujing terrace. As you step on the top of the stairs you saw a familiar face “Sweetie, Go Find us a good spot, I need to go talk to someone”

You approached a sweet old woman, “Hello Madame Ping!” “Oh Dear Me! Your Grace, Its wonderful to see you”

“You too, I must be going now, The rite of Descension is about to start, Well Catch up later”

“Perhaps with a cup of tea?” She asks

“Of Course, See you then!” You waved good bye to Madame Ping.

“Sorry I had to leave you alone there Hun, Looks like its about to start.” You once again patted his head for the nth time. “We need to go up front, We cant see Squat back here!” Paimon said. You were just a tad bit taller than other people can still see. Both of them Rush Forward. as you stayed in the near back due to your height. “The Hour is Upon us” The Tianquan Ningguang said as rocks of Geo started circling her as it shot up from the sky. Leaving an Opening and a whirlwind appeared ‘Something isn’t right’ you thought as the whirlwind began to turn black. Then red lightning Struck as a body of a dragon fell to the Table filled with offerings. Everyone Gasped as Nigguang walked over you wanted to take a look too, but you dare not risk it. As everyone started whispering about on what happened. Ningguang stood up turned to Millelith guards on stand by. “Rex Lapis Has been Killed! Seal the Exits!”

“Did she just say Rex Lapis is Dead!?” Paimon Spoke “Looks like the Millelith are interviewing suspects who got too close” You said. As Aether Turned to Run. “Aether Sweetie Where are you Heading?” you turned about to Grab His arm. When he Ran- “Aether Young Man Get Back here!-” You Immediately Run After him. Aether Started Hiding Behind the buildings climbing on the walls. Nearing the Stairs. You lost Aether as he stepped on a broken vase. “Oh Dear Myself-” You Whispered, you were still a little far behind. So you chose not to move, Millelith Soldiers swarm him and corner him. “Hey Buddy Hold Still”

That Familiar Aura, It was none Other than the Child You helped in the abyss, Ajax.

___________________________________________

This draft is actually from Last Year approximately  December 26, 2021 I think

BEGONE FROM MY DRAFTS YOU FOUL BEAST

[yawnjunn]

carnival dates - yeonjun

☆ txt's comeback is around the corner lol just a reminder

╰┈➤ yeonjun x gn!reader

╰┈➤ warnings: non, just fluffs and yeonjun being a softie :)))

"yeonjun, its been like 5 tries, we dont have to get the teddy bear its okay" you sighed as you watch your poor boyfriend trying to shoot a ball to knock down the cans...just to only fail

mhm, you guessed it. Its already been 5 tries and he still couldnt take down ONE can, cant you believe?

now you regret when you said you wanted that big teddy bear that was hanging by the booth, and now you gotta witness your boyfriend trying to get it for you no matter what

"just a moment sweetie, i will get it for you"

"i said we don-"

"sh shhh" he hushed you as he procced to TRY shooting down the cans as if hes not been doing that for the past 15 minutes

to your surprise, he actually managed to knock down a can, this got him cheering and getting excited like a little kid

you smiled at the sight of him enjoying himself for the night since its been like weeks or even months that you guys enjoyed a date like this

"y/n, heres your teddy bear" as he handed you the large sized teddy bear that you said you wanted, he also made sure to give you a goofy smile aswell

you teased him by grabbing the bear but not saying anything and just walked away from him with a smirk

"y/n!! not even a thank you?" he pleaded as he chases after you, bringing you into a tight back hug

"junnie, youre heavy you know that" you taunted, followed by a sarcastic eye roll

"are you calling me fat?"

"fat? since when did i say that"

"sounds like it" he pouted

you gently let go of his arm that was wrapped up around your waist, turning your whole body to face him

"being heavy doesnt mean youre fat, dummy"

but still, his pout didnt turn into a smile as you expected

you knew the only way to turn that pout of his into a smile is by kissing him

so you did what you had to do, you gave him a peck on the lips

as expected, he gave you a dorky smile which made you giggle

"that kiss wasnt enough....maybe try giving me another kiss, but much more passionate and slower this time please?" he begged, giving you his failed attempt puppy eyes

"yeah...no, thats gonna turn into a full makeout session"

"yeah and what about it?"

you gave him the 'are you kidding rn?' look which got him giggling

"im just joking dont worry, im not gonna makeout with you infront of hundreds of people.....unless...."

you hit his shoulder lightly which you receive another giggle from him

"OH a photobooth!! lets go!!" he widen his eyes as soon as he spotted a photobooth just right infront of you both

he grabbed your hand so quickly to the point you didnt even notice he was already dragging you along with him

you only spot one stool in the middle of the photobooth. who tf puts a seat, to be more specific, ONE stool in a photobooth? you questioned

"looks like it has only one seat" yeonjun smirked, as he sat down on the stool, pulling you into his lap

"no funny businesses in here, we're just taking a quick picture and thats it no hours and hours of making out" you pointed at him with a serious yet joking tone

"aww man, you just read my mind" he pouted as if to show that hes slightly disappointed

you rolled your eyes jokingly as you felt a kiss on your cheek

"okay okay lets start" yeonjun proceeds to click the start button, which sets off a timer

3...

"wait wait what should my pose be" you panicked

2...

"anything" yeonjun calmly replied as he posed himself with a peace sign

1...

you finally decided what to pose....squishing yeonjun's face.

as soon as the timer goes off, it made a clicking sound, notifying you that photo #1 has already been taken

"okay second pose babe" yeonjun did the half heart pose, signaling for you to do the other half

3...

2...

before it hits 1, yeonjun kissed your cheek which caused you to grin alot harder, almost bursting into a giggle

1...

2nd photo had already been taken, now for the last picture

3...

"shall we kiss for this one?" yeonjun smirked

2...

"you read my mind" you respond, giving him a soft smile before leaning into him for a passionate yet loving kiss

1...

'your photos have been successfully taken' as the monitor infront of you said....but that doesnt stop you guys from kissing

before it turns into a full makeout session, you quickly pulled away, catching your breath

"what did i just tell you about making out?"

yeonjun sheepishly grinned at you, showing you that hes 'oh so innocent'

you rolled your eyes jokingly as you got off his lap to take those 2 photostrips

you gave one to yeonjun for him to look at

"we look so adorable in here, no wait YOU look adorable" he then proceeds to put his photostrip in his wallet

"Im keeping it forever" he said, giving you a smile before he kissed your forehead

"now...shall we get some cotton candy to share?" yeonjun wrapped an arm around your shoulder, leading the way for you

"mhm we shall" as you both looked at each other like two teenagers in love or something

[cynettic]

Stay with Me pt.3

Summary - You manage to escape from Scaramouche, if only for a moment before you realize there’s no escape. It only takes until you’re sitting back in your regular spot that you know what you need to do.

Pairings - Kitsune!Reader x Yan!Scaramouche

Warnings - Suggestive content, mentions of death, swearing, slight gore / blood 

A/N - Its really hard to make this depressing while I’m vibing to Rasputin. Like no joke- I have it on one of the 1 hour playlists :D

Here you’ll find -  pt.1 and pt.2

He’d left a key.

Scaramouche didnt make mistakes, not while he had you captive in the vicinity of his bedroom. He didnt have room for mistakes, not when you were watching his every movement while he was in your line of sight. 

Sure, he mightve killed a person or two in front of you, but those were necessary mistakes. There was a sign on the door, it specified not to enter. You’d understand that, right?

Thats what he thought at least, lulling himself into belief after belief that you’d be there waiting for him every time. That you’d welcome him with open arms, even if there were chains ensnaring your wrists. That you’d accept your fate at his hands and submit yourself to him.

The Balladeer was a fool.

He’d kept you there for too long, and while you searched for an easy way to escape, time sent your head spinning. Into a spiral that begged only for the wind against your face, back laying on dirt with the familiar chirping up birds waking you up in the morning.

You wanted to go outside.

And when push comes to shove, you had to risk a little more to make it happen. Lure him into bed with kisses while your hands unbuttoned his vest. But what he believed to be alluring contacts was just your way of finding the keys hidden in the back pocket of his shorts.

It wasnt hard to find the one to your cuffs while he was asleep, cuddled in your chest with both arms around your waist as if to get you to stay put. You took the key, hiding them back in his clothing and hoping he didnt notice.

He didnt say anything the next day.

You werent going to wait any longer.

“Oh for fucks sake, why won't the goddamn door open?”

The room was left in tatters behind you, a little gift for Scaramouche once he got back. Turns out a pair of chains can smash up a lot of things, and rage can be used as a great source of strength when contained for such a long time.

But you’d done more than throw the blankets around, cut up the drawers and smash open the windows. Because your fists had bled red when you punched through the glass, puncturing your skin. Your knuckles were an ugly red, bruising already.

Ah, Scaramouche deserved a much better gift.

Gruesome as it was, you rubbed your knuckles against the pale walls. Till the blood stopped coming, till there was a nice little message for the boy which you held so dearly to your heart.

‘Balladeer.’

The first time you’d found out about him being a harbinger he’d told you not to call him by that name. You weren’t someone he associated with by work, you were a treasure to him. That’s why you continued to call him as he pleased, although the temptation always arose.

You were no longer his.

Shoving the door with your hand again, palm fiddling with the handle and groaning when it hardly budged. “Stupid,” you grumbled when the knob began to loosen. Backing up, you charged with your shoulder to the door, full force as the momentum broke the hinges. The door fell down with you along with it.

It was expected, you’d been stuck in the room for a long time, and thats considering you’d sat on the ground for decades. Your body was slight numb, muscles sore and unused for so long. 

“You a-arent supposed to leave your room!”

A young man stood in the hallway along with a woman who looked relatively the same age. The two were wearing uniforms, flinching when you stood up from the debris and off the door. “Excuse me?” You asked, voice unnecessarily icy and stern. But you couldnt care less, you were going to get out of this house, damn anyone who stood in your way.

They both continued to shake when you walked towards them, staggering from side to side. The woman stepped up in front of the man, presenting a brave face. “If you leave the mansion, the harbinger will kill us all!”

“Well then I expect you should be on your way then. Actually…” you gestured to the maze of hallways. “You can lead the way.”

“What…?”

Your hand went limp to your side, an exasperated looking momentarily crossing your face before you sighed. “Im not staying trapped in that room, I’m sorry if that ruins your life, but frankly you're not the one stuck in there are you?” You took an extra step just to intimidate them, eyes wide to make the appearance of crazy. “It would be a great help if you showed me where he hid my vision too.”

“We can show you to the door…” The man began, “But the whereabouts of your vision are unknown, he wouldnt tell us something like that.”

A gift bestowed from the gods, a piece to help me thrive with my ambitions and pursue my goals.

Gone.

You really wished you’d taken to clawing out Scaramouche’s face instead, but you’d take what you got. Right now your main priority was getting out of this place, even if it meant leaving a piece of you behind.

“Door.” Your voice was raspy and there was a terrible feeling that crawled up to your throat, but you didnt have time to be emotional. “Show me where the door is… please.”

The conflict in their eyes dissipates by the time they lead you along, mumbling words between themselves. You didnt bother to try eavesdropping, you were so, so tired. You wanted to go home.

Anywhere. Anywhere but here.

It took a few minutes until you were standing in front of a grand door, almost twice the size of you and just as wide. You then began to notice the decorational plants and furniture that filled the empty space, there wasn't an inch of dust. Even though you could tell none of it was used.

“Hurry,” the man warned when you paused. “I dont know when our master is coming back, but if its soon, we’ll all be screwed.”

You couldnt feel your head as you numbly nodded, hand clenching the knob and flinging the set of doors open. “Thank you,” you merely mumbled, taking your first step out of the house in what felt like forever.

The days after that were a blur, the area around Scaramouche’s house were nothing but void. Empty and filled with forests and vast plains. You knew he didnt like people or socializing in general, but to this extent?

Your only option was to run.

Let your feet take you somewhere, anywhere. It was a constant pattern of running and taking breaks, leaning on a tree and gasping in a few breaths before you were again scurrying through the forest. 

And yet you felt better than you’d felt in past months that you’d been stuck with Scaramouche.

Food became any boar you came across, the claws you’d spent so long hiding with Scaramouche coming to unleash a wrath beyond your comprehension. Till the animal was cut to shreds and no meat was left even to eat. You’d slaughtered it, without intention to eat or benefit for it, you’d killed it just to kill.

“I’m sorry,” you’d sobbed into the ground where you’d buried the harmless animal. Forehead pressed into the dirt as you pleaded for forgiveness to whatever archons would accept it. You couldn't even remember what archons you were supposed to pray to. “Forgive me- forgive me…”

But eventually you found your way around to somewhere you knew. Territory of Inazuma where you could find your way back, back home.

Where was home?

You’d been on the run from the vision hunt decree, abandoning your post for the Kitsune Saiguu for such a thing. Even now that you could return without a vision and as no threat under the decree…

You’d sacrificed everything for your vision.

Where were you to go now…?

Rain patted down, the trees providing only a slight cover as stray drops fell into your matted dirty hair. You didnt mind, it hid the tears that slid down your lifeless face, feet taking you into the far meadows of your hometown. Till you plopped down underneath a tree, knees curled to your chest and arms hugging them close. You were crying.

You were home.

____________________

“Awh,” a ginger haired murmured, elbow resting on the cool wood of the tabletop. “Is little Mouchie sad? I heard your kitty cat escaped~”

A death wish, even fatui that idly minded themselves around the bar knew it. Sipping cold drinks and swirling their cups, the soft chatter was nothing but a distraction from the main course of events. That being the smaller Harbinger who sat sulking in his seat, hunched over with a drink in hand. He’d drank far more than what was on the counter, but everytime he finished a glass, he’d smash it on the ground, watching the fragile glass shatter into pieces.

“I dont have a cat,'' was his only response, tone daring Childe to pursue further. To give him a reason to start throwing the glass in his face instead.

And Childe was an idiot when it came to challenging someone.

“No cat?” The rest of the drink in the taller harbinger’s glass was gone when he threw his head back. “Hmmm, I cant think of what else could’ve had you so enraptured in returning home then~!”

Scaramouche didnt respond, uneven bangs shadowing the bags under his eyes. “Stronger,” he said instead, elbow on the counter and hand outstretched for something. When there was no movement from the man managing the wine, the harbinger looked up. “I need something stronger to drink,” he repeated, voice seething.

“Of c-course!”

The glass was nestled in Scaramouche’s palm in no time, fingers curling around the circular form to down it in seconds. The drink merely slid down his throat in one movement, alcohol burning his senses. It didn’t matter, he was numbed by the growing rage inside of him.

Finally, he turned to the ginger haired boy, eyes hazily dancing along the counter till it reached his fingertips. Up his hand and along his arm, till Scaramouche was staring right into Childe’s eyes. “They escaped,” he admitted softly. “But it’s alright, because I sent something that’ll bring them back.”

Childe paused, raising his drink up away from his lips to pose a question. Hesitation danced along his features before he brought the glass back, he’d rather not provoke the shorter male any further. Wasn’t like he could interfere anyway.

____________________

“That… that…” 

It was preposterous, having returned to that same spot for a day or two and heading back to the hometown you’d once lived in. The one Scaramouche had lived in. There shouldn’t have been an issue, you were solely gathering supplies for the sake of it, ambition driving you to travel far far away.

Out of Inazuma.

It was your new beginning, convincing yourself that you didn't need a vision. Finding some sort of purpose before Scaramouche shattered the vision and your life along with it. You’d seen how people had reacted when it had been ingrained in the statue, neutralized and broken. They lost hope, purpose and aspirations for anything new.

It’s not like the Raiden Shogun took my vision.

But you’d taken that fact for granted, expecting some sort of new start without Scaramouche. A victory, getting away from him just for a split second and getting out of Inazuma altogether, you’d never see him again.

Until you got his message.

“How the hell…” You crushed the note until it was just crumbled paper in your hand, slowly leaning on the stone wall. “Piece of shit… what kind of person even…” 

Not only did he manage to find you, but without making his presence known, he’d tugged at your one weakness with an ease that had you down on your knees.

You threw the paper to the ground, deliberate as you stared past the alleyway. Pensive as you considered your options. Damn, what options did you even have? You’d been an idiot to underestimate Scaramouche, he wasn’t a child, you knew that… but archons he seemed like one when he was with you. Shown you a vulnerability he wanted only you to see. But maybe that had been part of his plan all along, until all you believed was his soft demeanor.

He may act like a child, but he’s a harbinger.

You stared down at the crumbled piece of paper in disgust.

Not only that, but he has no regard for human life.

Either way, you’d lived decades more than him. You could face him, you would present yourself to him just as he expected you to. Even when everything in you rejected the idea, sobbed at the thought of returning to that house, those chains. Being locked up and confined only for the purpose of coddling a small boy, a selfish boy, a cruel boy. 

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

You’d figure out a way, and this time you wouldn’t rule out the option of his death.

———————

Oh darling Y/n, how have you been?

I hope this letter reaches you rather soon, we both have much to discuss, no? About me, about you, and much more. You see, I’ve taken up quite a distaste to your little friends. Stone statues in Inazuma as small as Kitsunes truly hold no purpose, what will they do, come back to life? Haha, I should think not. I’ve already arranged to have them demolished, who knows what kind of material they might possess. Ah, and of course I’d show you the finishing product, unless you’re willing to come and have a chat with me once more? Under the Sakura tree like we used to, you’ve waited years, I believe you can wait for me?

I hope this letter reaches you in best interests. I’m always looking out for you after all.

Sincerely, your Balladeer

——————

It was raining.

Beautiful weather as you lay sitting there, feet crossed and tucked in the same you’d often do. After all, there was no need to fear the vision hunt decree or the Raiden Shogun. Let them come, let them take care of you before Scaramouche did.

You werent cold, not when the cold drops dampened your clothing, slipping down the length of your spine and drenching your face. Despite having lived in a luxury residency for such a long time, this was where you were most comfortable, enduring whatever the weather had for you, taking it with a smile. Because you were waiting…

The Kitsune Saiguu was a distant memory.

You were waiting for Scaramouche, the young boy that often bound into the field in lengthy strides, childlike wonder in his eyes. The one who’d cried when the other kids pushed him away, the one that just wanted to be praised. You’d held him in your arms, and now, even knowing the results, you wouldnt have done differently.

He was just a boy.

Just a boy when he joined the fatui, looking for praise that he was given. He created chaos and bellowed orders with a cruelty that was highly looked upon. Told that he was doing well, so he continued to do so.

He’s just a boy.

You wished you’d held him in your arms, if not only for a tad longer. Shield him away from the wrongness of the world, if only for one last time.

Banishing away your hatred for him was hard.

But you found it under the tree, rain soon dimming down to a clouded cold breeze that swept through the meadow. You’d hated him while stuck in the mansion, but you could now see it from a larger point of view. What he did was wrong of course, but you could remember him so vividly now. His small form giggling, tiny arms around your neck. 

“Play with me!”

Was it your fault?

For not holding him tighter? For trying to rectify his bad doings and teach him what was wrong and right? Maybe if your grip was firmer, if you’d spoken to him about the warmth he’d given you that day when playing cards...

“Lazy ass.”

Burying down that pile of worry and insecurities, you took a deep breath in to relax. The edge of your lip perked up, only slightly. “Still terrible with your social skills arent you?”

Slowly securing a dry space under the three with you, Scaramouche sat down. His features were the same ones you’d grown accustomed to at his mansion. Rich clothes, sharp eyes, and the baby face that refused to go away. His movements were soft as he pulled out a deck of cards. The two of you didnt speak as he distributed them between you both. It was tense… no, it felt too much like the warmth form long ago to be tense. You only wished the situation to be different.

“I love you.”

But you could only offer a bitter smile to his words. “I love my vision,” you replied. “I love the Kitsune Saiguu, and I love my friends.”

His touch was gentle when his fingers came to gently cradle your cheek. Holding your face dearly as he peered into your eyes, his were soft. Different from the cruelty he held within, the hatred that burned and destruction that seeked to explode.

You saw a little boy.

Your hand came to press his hand further against your cheek, till you slid his palm to your lips. He appeared so calm when you pressed the first kiss, lips tracing the lines along his palm with all the care in the world.

But you needed to change your view, see him as the man he now was. As the man he had become.

“I love you,” he repeated, and you let go of his hand. It fell limp by his side, cards all but forgotten. There was a much more pressing matter at hand, because you truly needed to see him as he was.

It was necessary if you planned to kill him.

[demadogs]

Honestly I would have no byler doubt at all if it wasn’t for the damn monologue. I know it’s been analyzed to death on why it wasn’t completely genuine and it does make sense but then I start to think why the duffers would even do the monologue in the first place if they were going to breakup marijuana next season. I keep thinking of when they hyped it up before vol 2 came out and said it’s Finn’s best performance. It’s driving me crazy because the way it was set up with using Will’s feelings for Mike to even be able to tell El he loves her means they really fucked up if it isn’t actually a setup for byler to happen next season. If they really just used Will’s love for Mike as something to get McNugget back together I’ll be so upset. :(

i understand your thought process and i did completely agree with you at one point but i think ive grown to actually appreciate the purpose of this monologue. i do however still think el should have broken up with him this season for sure.

to answer what the point of it was if theyre just gonna break up anyway, i think it was entirely for el’s arc. for her to realize that she’s finally heard those words she needed to hear but it didnt change anything. she still wasnt happy. we see that based on the fact that they share zero dialogue and barely acknowledge each other after that scene. youd expect her to hug and kiss him and say she loves him too but she didnt. i dont think she believed it because the only other time he said he loved her was also a tense life or death situation. he cant say it just casually.

also just the ratio of byler to mlvn evidence just points so aggressively towards byler that even on july 1st i wasnt even thinking “we got queerbaited :(“ i was just astronomically confused because the way they set up volume 1 it completely looked like mlvn was bones ESPECIALLY considering it wasnt just “look!! byler!!” it was also “look at all of mlvns problems!!”. and that couldnt have been queerbait because THEY DIDNT KNOW ITD BE IN TWO PARTS!!!!!!!!! so its not like they were like “ok lets build up byler and gain an audience for a month and then redeem mlvn”. they didnt know they would be doing that when they were still in production.

in just volume one we got (and these are just the biggies not everything) a very shitty “im not gay” bro tap instead of a hug after not seeing his best friend for months, el lying to him about being so happy and having so many friends in lenora because shes insecure about their relationship, mike being so fake too by avoiding eye contact with her and not seeming that engaged in whats going on the way she is, ignoring will but then listing off all these things he noticed, INSISTING that theyre just friends even tho will didnt even imply that he meant anything romantic, a track called IN THE CLOSET playing when MIKE SPEAKS, mike and els fight and el crying because he never says he loves her and he kinda gaslights her and turns it back around to the bullies and mouth breathers, “its hawkins its not the same without you”, the tripple take. theres literally so much.

ALLLLL that doesnt get erased just from one scene. and again, it wasnt initially intended to be in two parts so no, their thought process could not have been queerbaiting for why there was so much byler in volume one and not two.

i understand why the duffers said this was finns best performance. this would probably be an incredibly difficult thing to act out. its not just a love confession, its a love confession that he doesnt mean. but the audience doesnt know that. it couldnt be so obvious that EVERYONE immediately picks up on it being fake buts its still gotta be a little suspicious. he needed to put just the right amount of emotion so people may like it but also start to question it.

also his micro expressions are really good. this is not the face of someone about to tell the love of his life his feelings. its someone whos about to do something he doesnt want to do.

i honestly really hope next week we get the script for this scene. even if it doesnt give insight to mikes feelings, seeing el’s pov would also be really interesting. plz vote for it if its an option.