#cant find work irl cant find work online

[phoenix-before-the-flame]

[wormchaser]

you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.

i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.

[curious-l1ght]

Hm.

[erythristicbones]

you ever just....write a plot point and go "i have absolutely zero idea if this has any scientific bearing but it's what im going with" and call it a day

[imaginesomethingrand]

But it really is a thankless job esp for someone so emotionally fragile and empathetic and easily discouraged

[vigilxnte-shit]

join the tuna team!

ever wanted to join a discord server full of people who share your love for one specific, depressed, hot martial artist with a lot of catholic guilt? do you have other interests such as baldur's gate 3 and musical theatre? if so, the tuna team is the place for you!

the tuna team began with the intention of a server where daredevil writers could unite to share our writing, beta read for each other, and just talk about our favorite blind lawyer/vigilante. since then, it has morphed into a place where we all talk to each other about our lives, share pictures of pets, and scream into the void about everything we love.

the tuna team welcomes anyone of any age (well, any age 18 and over), religion, gender, etc. etc. and we would love to have you! if you want to join, message me your discord username and i'll send you a friend request!

be advised that the server is 18+ and although we love charlie and his characters, we do NOT allow speculation on his personal life. we ask that anyone who joins be respectful of others' pronouns, identity, and boundaries- specifics on this are available upon request!

members of the tuna team:

here is a brief introduction to each current member of the tuna team! i am relatively new to interacting with the DD fandom (i've been a fan since 2022, but only just recently started talking with other fans online) and am frankly stunned that so many cool, talented, amazing writers who i look up to are in this server. everyone in here is inspiring and supportive, and contributes to the great vibe we have going in the server!

~~moderators~~

vienna @vigilxnte-shit: hi, as you may have noticed, this is me. i'm the owner of the server, i'm mostly here to write, talk about husband!matt, and send pictures of my cat, coconut.

brooklyn @jazerno: brooke is my irl best friend and roommate, as well as coconut's technical legal mother. brooke originally joined to be a moderator, but has since fallen for frank castle, as one tends to do.

mar @mar-thewriter: mar is a very good friend of mine who i met via another server of people i love. mar doesn't talk much here, but is a great moderator who i love dearly.

mads @madschiavelique: mads is the one who made our gorgeous get roles channel and is our coding genius. they are the ones to thank for

~~tunas~~

leg @a-leg-without-fear: leg is hysterical and our resident emoji artist. she has created all of our emoji in the server and also the lovely art featured above, as well as countless other fun works!

yuna @yarrystyleeza: yuna is the sweetest person you will ever meet and fun fact: tuna team comes from her name! yuna always has the best headcanons and her oc, madilyn, is DARLING.

sapph aka sunshine @sunflowersandsapphires: sapph is the mama of our server, she is sunshine incarnate and always has the best writing prompts + blesses our eyes with her pets!

hira aka robin @amphitrite-5: hira is a very soft and kind soul who regularly makes everyone's day with her kind words. she's also one of our best gamers and doesn't like to sleep (though really, none of us do)

via @zomtart: via is the #1 frank castle character defender and i have no choice but to respect that. they're hilarious and we love having them in the server!

i cant find mariam's tumblr: i was scrolling through mariam's messages and literally fighting the urge to laugh in the office. mariam is hysterical and our representative elektra fan.

eclipse @ecxlipse: eclipse is the baby of our server (i think) but has sent us plenty of gorgeous art and wonderful matt headcanons, and they always have the best contributions to our conversations!

crys @what-i-call-men: crys is responsible for several of the best, spiciest headcanons that have come about on the server. they also have sent the best photo of themselves wearing a DD mask.

zena @coxology101: zena is a busy bee and running her own server, but when we do hear from them, we get some of the best thoughts and BTS dardevil pictures.

ivy @catholicguiltboi: ivy is hysterical and has blessed is with photos of their son, yoshi (who i think is a lizard but i am not very smart).

pasta @pastafossa: my jaw dropped when i saw pasta wanted to join. they contribute so much laughter, many great ideas, and the best advice to the server and we are thrilled they're here.

sybil @gracethyomen: brooke and i have spent several nights since the server started laughing in our apartment over something sybil has said. they are genuinely one of the funniest people ever.

shiori @shiorimakibawrites: shiori has blessed us with some of the best matt thoughts time and time again. like pasta, their name is so recognizable to me that i was genuinely shocked when they asked to join, but i'm so grateful they did!

bella @bellaxgiornata: you'll be sick of hearing this but i genuinely could not believe bella wanted to join the server. in my eyes, she is like the taylor swift of the daredevil fandom (and for clarity's sake, that is the highest compliment i can give). in the server she constantly has the best ideas and is always so supportive of everything we all write.

lindsay @shouldbestudying41: much like bella, this is someone who i very much look up to and respect in the daredevil community. having her in the server is a blessing and they are insanely good at time management- i'm incredibly amazed by their ability to juggle so much at one time!

we also have a couple without blogs; aspen and paris. they are good irl friends of mine who don't say much, but are a joy to have in the server anyway :)

divider on top by @sister-lucifer

tuna team art by @a-leg-without-fear

[autisticlee]

when you're autistic and can't mask and genuinely don't know how to talk to and interact with people, but you really want friends or something.....people tell you "go to places and ~just talk to people~ it's easy" but when you ask how to talk to people they say "just say anything" but you're super confused because any attempts to try to speak either end in getting completely ignored, bullied, or worse, because you're "weird and creepy" and can't say things right, make everyone uncomfortable, and making strange noises to communicate when you can't speak actual words isn't acceptable. that's if you can even physically say anything at all! because if you struggle to speak in general, then it's game over before it even begins. small talk seems simple because you can script most of it, but I can't even do that irl. even online when I do it, it never goes past that. i never feel connected to people, get bored/uninterested, don't know what to do after, and don't know when it's appropriate to start talking about special interests, if at all, because most people dont share my interests at all

no one has advice for that besides "just do it" and no one is ever patient or kind enough to try to engage themsleves, because no one understands how hard speaking is! it's always expected that *I* initiate everything and have to do all the work because im the one that wants a friend. no one is interested in me first, so no one will be the one to initiate first. i've gone to things alone, awkwardly did everything alone, tried to talk to people and failed, but no one approached me first or tried to converse and be friends. if someone did try to talk to me, i'd be so overwlmed with sensory processing disorder that i dont hear them and before i can try to clarify what they said, they walk away. my processing speed is so slow that i cant react before they get lost in the crowd.

I always end up extremely overwhelmed, burnt out, and need to find a quiet place alone to have at least a few meltdown or shutdowns. i'm struggling and suffering the whole time, but i'm "just doing it" because people keep telling me I need to "just try" and no one will help or support me and my needs and struggles so I have no choice but to put myself in dangerous situations where I can't be fully aware of my surroundings because i'm so disabled by my brain. I don't know how to behave if i'm not following and copying someome i'm with. instead I just dissociate until i'm not present and i'm unaware of myself and everyone and thing around me, while also being painfully aware of all the sensory input that wants to send me into meltdowns.

realistically, I don't think I *should* be going anywhere alone. I need help. I need support. I've gotten into near trouble with strangers who see me as an easy target but somehow got lucky and got away. I can't ask got help if I need it. I can't scream if one of those strangers got ahold of me. actually one DID get ahold of me once. I don't remember how I got oht of it. i dissociated so bad I have no memory after being grabbed...I don't know how to react to trouble correctly. I don't know basic common sense needed for being out alone. *I* know i'm in danger by being out alone but everyone in my life ignores my needs and struggles and forces me to either do everything alone or rot in my tiny dark room alone. so I decide to prove to them doing things alone is dangerous and doesn't help me. i'll tell them the dangerous stuff I got into they don't care. they just lecture me for not acting normal.

but I try. I try so hard. I hate every moment of ot and never get anythjg out of it except misery and pain and mental and emotional turmoil. but people don't believe me that i'm actually trying because they swear it will work if I "just try" so I keep trying and keep having a horrible time. it always ends in me feeling horrible physically and emotionally, being burnt out and disappointed that i didnt make friends like i was told i would just by going there alone. going to places does not mean you automatically make friends!!!!!! everyone else goes there *with* friends. they aren't looking for new ones. people who are good at making friends don't need to go places to make friends, because they already have them! so no social person who is good at talking and really nice is going to be there looking for friends, see i'm alone, and become my friend. hell, most social people talk one look at my awkward ass and turn the other way. they dont want someone awkward around them. my first impression is horrible. that's what people judge by. it's expected that i'm the one to try to break into a group of people and sell my soul to them and make them want to add me to their already established friend group. but i'll never know what group i'd fit in. I barely have the social energy to be around a crowd of people. how am I expected to interact with even a single person??? when you don't have the skill, social energy, or general ability to do any of the expected social stuff and cant mask on top of it, you have no other choice but to accept being alone forever...😞

[neotrances]

What opinion?

on my old blog i was talking about the porn industry preying on marginalized communities namely corporal giants knowingly hosting trafficking material / underage material / swarms of incredibly racist and bigoted content and ignoring the people begging to have their content taken down / introspection of the content being hosted on their platforms and how different irl sex work (stripping, full service, escorts) is from onlyfans and essentially how different irl sw is from camming regarding basic risk and battery ect ect and ppl got rlly mad about it but my main point is not that swers cant make choices or shouldn’t have the right to make their career however they see fit bit that the industry is deeply misogynistic in nature and saying so is not an attack on them but rather a criticism of why sex sells, namely the discussion had points about the differences of how statistically transfems swers have a wildly different experience with sw compared to people who offer services solely online and we should be listening to experiences from all sw and not just online creators who have the opportunity to screen and choose clientele that many irl swers do not have, only bringing this up bc of seeing mutuals comment on a post where the op centers men who pay for sex services and incels (they specifically mentioned incels im not just calling these clientele incels) as ‘sad’ and in needing of defense for mild mockery, which to me i don’t find the act of purchasing porn or paying someone for sex inherently harmful to a degree but i don’t understand how mildly being like “lol this guy had to pay someone to sleep with him” is bad or evil especially when the op themselves mentioned incels in regards to who could be clients as if being a self identified incel isn’t an inherently misogynistic state, yadda yadda before someone gets mad no im not a terf, trans women r women, and trans women across the board make up a large portion of irl sex workers specifically bc of facing transphobia that often makes it hard for them to remain in the regular workforce, feminism has to be intersectional or it is meaningless, criticizing industries that are built on the backs of mostly women is not an attack on women who participate but just a criticism of how they are often not protected and subjected to unfair treatment by their bosses and the police force, i think my experience of growing up and mainly seeing curb escorts in my community as well as being trafficked myself has given me a lot of ig perspective? i think the convo is more nuanced than “all clients are saints and if u joke about them being lame ur just a misandrist / hate sex workers” and i also dislike how a lot of the conversation centers online sw when a majority of swers are irl workers, not to say online sw isn’t real and has no risk but that it is a different ball park

[eroticcannibal]

"I support the good facism, not the bad facism" is not the take you think it is. There is no such thing as a "good" ethnostate. There is no ethical zionism, which is a thing rabbi and other jewish leaders and voices have been speaking and writing about since the beginning of zionist ideology. The majority of jews are not, in fact, zionists. Just as the majority of feminists are not, in fact, terfs despite what people like jk rowling try to assert. The majority of jews -you- are interacting with online, who are specifically seeing the intersections of vulnerable demographics you belong to and the sympathizer things your saying and seeking you out to further radicalize you to their cause and have a vested interest in making everyone else believe that they are the majority, are. Which are two very different things. And if you werent an isolated white convert in a country with an extreamly small jewish population who therefore doesnt have a large and varried network of IRL Jewish community to fall back on, who most likely did not grow up surrounded by other jews in real life and therefore is just coming to this conversation in the last 10 years, you would know. Which again, this ignorance is part of what makes you so incredibly easy to radicalize and it's honestly wild that you cant see the blatent tactics at work here.

Again. You are arguing with a version of me that only exists in your head.

And uh. Yes the majority of Jews are in fact zionists. I personally am yet to find any poll of Jewish views on zionism that shows otherwise.

[ceasarslegion]

Yeah I don't know why wishing death upon randos on the internet is so popular. Especially because... they'll cry when they get death threats! I have seen this before! Total lack of self awareness, they don't even think about other people as a human being. Only *their* harassment counts, only it matters. They'll speak against harassment campaigns that'll affect them but anything else, you're too online/sensitive/need to touch grass. Awful. I hope you're okay

Thanks a bunch dude. Yeah, its... its awful. Unfortunately, i spent my formative years getting bullied all throughout my schooling, and i see the same behavior online from people who claim theyre above it. All it is is finding some little detail that they might be able to criticize under a certain circumstance, and using it to justify all use of force. They don't actually care about the things they claim to care about, it's just a convenient avenue to use to bully someone because they're unsatisfied with their sad, miserable lives. Im not a person to them, with a complicated life and complicated experiences and worldviews shaped by those things, i'm just a URL to them that they can beat up as much as they want if they see fit.

And the amount who claim that they cant be bullies themselves because they were bullied... no, thats not how that works.

I would highly doubt that this person has any real friends irl. If this is how they react when they disagree with someone on such a minor level, they're probably incredibly unpleasant to be around. That kind of attitude only attracts more rot.

[azumasoroshi]

minidura chapter 1 react

hey guys started reading minidura i think im in love

just imagining izaya going like "yahoo!! X3" man. i know mikado is the real protagonist and not being able to see through izaya's eyes adds to his charm and intrigue but like mannn itd be so fun to just watch him fuck shit up like in that one episode. he must be hilarious to people watch with

god they're so fucking cute i love this chibi style

IT'S HIMMM IT'S MY BABYGIRL

"he's the one who most fails to live up to his name"? is that like a kanji name joke goddammit

i really shouldnt just like. post the entire pages but it's such a pain to keep taking screenshots :sob: you guys have no idea the pain my wrists were in after that drr ten react

haha dramatic irony but i just realized i have no idea what exactly izaya takes responsibility for and what stuff he blames on human nature/self-interest/naïvite and now i have to find out ugh

durarara illustrators draw simon normally challenge :sob: im so sorry they do this to you king if i ever get around to drawing you ill do you justice

also tiny shizuo <3333

obsessed with walker's cat face he and erika are so platonic(?) soulmates besties cringefail weeb team rocket ass duo

i was 100% ready for erika to start grilling mikado on his supposed raging homosexual unrequited love(?) 300k slow burn romance but oh well. it happened in my head so it must be canon

i dont care enough about the raira trio to ship mikakida or whatever their ship name is (isnt the celty head girl named mika too. oops) but i do think it's funny that their ship name could be kidado because that sounds like cuidado. watch out

ok i know they're trying to make him look cool but he does not look cool in the chibi art style lmfAOo

itd be really funny if they switched the styles to the normal manga style during serious moments like i think the bsd wan manga/anime did lmfao

LMFAO??? i like how we only see the top of izaya's head pff-

celty my bbygirl i love your shadow puppets dont listen to them

yk what it's actually a crime this didnt happen in canon

AND HERE HE ISSS!!!!! cringefail pathetic loser my beloved

god i hope he narrates the entire minidura (he probably wont)

ok he's really cute though....catboy irl fr

CAUGHT MID MONOLOGUE

cant believe they're both on a rooftop together whoa prime spot for confessions amirite (<- delusional)

im posting the tiny floored izaya on his own later because that's adorable. he's so cute when he's half dead

itd be really funny if all the events from minidura were all in izaya's concussed ass head from this moment as explanation for being noncanon

the "doctors hate him" meme but it's convenience store workers and shizuo heiwajima

actually construction workers probably hate shizuo too. and urban planners and anything that has to do with city work and also doctors because shizuo evades their healthcare insurance because he doesnt need it (i looked up japan's healthcare costs for this joke and concluded that i dont have enough time to pit the sources that say it's expensive and the sources that say it's reasonable against each other) and also vending machine companies

the "doctors hate him" meme but it's all of ikebukuro and shizuo (and also izaya)

i love how izaya just. stops bleeding. his platelets working mad crazy

(it's pretty easy to find translations online but here's the site im reading on anyway)

[sheikahwarriork]

If you wanna play some angst with a modern twist I'd recommend something alike "Recovery of an MMO Junkie": a wholesome anime in which the main character (a woman in her 30s in the original anime) decides to leave their job and enters into videogames to spend their free time... it has themes like depression, job burtout and online friendship... The anime is very wholesome and all the main characters are people in their 30s who are barely starting to date and meet people...

tldr;;;;

Dimitri leaves his job in his 30s because he is serverly burned out and depressed and since he already has a ton of money decides to isolate himself and play videogames all day (Imagine a huge online videogame like genshin impact/FFXIV), he meets a lot of people online and he slowly starts to recover. His character is the how he'd like to present himself or more like acadimitri to other people: preppy, super polite and kind, he meets Byleth's character and they become friends online and offline (without knowing who the other is!).

Imagine Dimitri's character something like pink haired magical girl and Byleth's... pretty much Jeralt (whom Death's she's not done recovering from).

Even if don't like the prompt I'd still recomend the anime to you, it's very wholesome if you like some nice adult romance (in the sense that the protagonists are mature adults not in the R18 sense LOL).

it's been too long since i got this ask (and i'm so sorry about being SO LATE-) but FINALLY i watched this anime so i can properly reply!!

first, thank you so much anon for the recommendiation, i loved the anime a lot! it's silly, it's cute, it's funny, and it's also a bit angsty- just like yuzu likes u.u

(some spoilers about "Recovery of an MMO Junkie" ahead)

i can totally see dimitri as moriko. a depressed modern dima is 100% going to indulge in videogames as an escapism copying method ( :c ).

i could make byleth work in sakurai's role, maybe erasing some of his original shyness (dimitri would work as him too!! but i prefer your original idea <3) and with more straightforwardness, but still! byleth would be super supportive of her online friend, no matter the game they play in 🥺

(also, im sorry but moriko and sakurai are LITERAL SOULMATES??? them being best online buddies in not one but TWO videogames? they finding the other in every universe...... so dimileth coded u.U anon you should know i spent all the anime screaming in delightful :'] )

also, evil of me, but what about sylvain as koiwai? i usually love when sylvain is watching dimileth pining for each other and decides to step in to help them- and it's exactly what koiwai does :'] to make this idea work similar to the in-anime story, maybe i could go like this:

sylvain is dimitri's childhood friend but in adulthood they didn't stay in touch much; meanwhile sylvain and byleth became work collegues. (of course sylvain tried to flirt wit byleth at first, but she quickly made clear she was NOT interested, and eventually they became friends.) after *insert shenanigans that makes byleth and dimitri meet irl*, sylvain meets dimitri again and convince him to go out a bit; this way sylvain notices dimitri is starting to have a crush over byleth so he starts doing his evil dimileth plans (are his eyes deceiving sylvain, or byleth has just smiled for the first time since he met her while talking to dimitri?). "unplanned" dimileth date, leaving them alone together, making dimitri jealous, forcing them to play together so they can discover their online identities? all sylvain's superb mastermind!

(also sorry but kanbe gave me felix vibes lol)

also, i LOVED that moriko and sakurai's characters were switched gender, so i'm totally with you about giving dimitri a madoka-style avatar and byleth a jeralt-like one :'] if i must be honest, the whole "oh nooo irl people cant know i play as a man in game" from moriko ended up tiring me a bit (not that it isnt well done, but it got too long as a "plot issues" imo while it wasnt an issues for anyone xD), but i totally can see dimitri worrying about this same thing, my boy's fav hobby is worrying about meaningless thing; just for byleth to end his gendercrysis issues in a sec (also yes- why not having nonbinary dimitri in the end? 👉👈)

moriko's eternal hunger works best for byleth of course; but it won't stop me from making "dimitri-wants-cheese" jokes uwu

i'm not sure when (or IF c.c) i'll find the time to write a fic with this plot, but anon know you always give me great dimileth ideas and i'm GRATEFUL for that, ily <3

[sixthemeowmeowidk]

I know u left but do you have another account I could follow for your art? Because I really like it

hey thank you for asking! I just wanna say sorry to all my mutuals who saw me leave all of a sudden i pretty much packed my bags overnight and left zero traces in the morning. im gonna yap for a bit for the ppl who followed me n wonder where ive been (tldr at the end)

if any if my moots are wondering why i left/where i been i was really tired of having to keep a online persona up and basically like i was jst tired of drawing to post, it didnt rlly feel like my art was reaching or basically i felt like i didnt rlly matter and drew for like a stick of gum as payment.

my plan was to only leave for a week but then i had like the greatest time not giving af in that week so i extended it to months and now idek if i wanna go back coz it feel so awesome to take it slow and to draw for yourself.

as for where ive been n other accs i had a twt and insta but i deactivated basically ALL my social media for art and im jst chilling on my irl acc instagram and discord, i didnt really think any of my moots would rlly care so i didnt tell anyone other then my closer moots who talk 2me on discord

i do check some of my social meds from TTT and check on my moots sometimes

Will i ever go back to twitter? Fuck no fuck elon musk he made that app ASS

Will i ever go back to posting? Dont know

When do i plan to return from my break? I was planning to go back on august but now its august so november but then like 2 days ago i was like damn maybe next year so tbh idk 😭🙏

idk why i feel like i cant go back till my art looks fire ash or else its embarrassing and also till im like mentally prepared to take social media on again i wasnt rlly that popular but it was still tiring

TLDR: all my art accs are deactivated so sorry you wont find any of my other artworks and i left coz i gotta get a life and shit yk

also tysm im glad u like my art it means so much to me that people are enjoying my more older works! It really does

[johannestevans]

how do you find a solid sense of self when society constantly demands you trade parts of yourself to live peacefully in it. I'm not confidant i can start working towards more self-discovery without running into road-blocks that say "Back in your box or perish". Ive changed the way i interact and think about the world so much that i cant come up with a solid answer who i am outside the few labels Ive picked out for myself. other than that i feel like a blank slate, EXCITING but what can i even do

It can strike people as trite, but I think the biggest and most important thing you can do with regards to your identity is define it on things you love, and work outward from there.

What values do you hold most dearly? What hobbies or activities do you care most about? Big or small, what are the things that bring you the most joy, happiness, and satisfaction?

But apart from that, there's also like... What parts of yourself do you think are or have suffered most? What aspects of your identity have been most neglected or mistreated by those around you? What aspects of yourself do you think are the most tender, the aspects of yourself that deserve or need to be nurtured and cherished most?

There are things that can be in conflict, obviously, like things that can bring us joy whilst also making us feel trapped or hemmed in, as you say, and it's difficult to work from that. Especially when you've spent much of your life being told that what you do and how you exist has to be comprehensible and acceptable to passers-by and onlookers - messaging that queer and disabled people receive a lot, not to mention the same racialised messaging for people who are Black or brown etc, or straight-up just people who have come from a mixed cultural background - because our mere existence makes other people uncomfortable - it can be hard to shake off those expectations and the trauma that those expectations come with.

The most important thing to do and the thing that genuinely is the most liberating is to ensure you find community with like-minded people - not just people who love the same things you do or do the same activities, but people who share the same values as you, and care about them on the same level as you. People you can exist with and relax, without worrying about them judging some aspect of you, as much as possible.

What that means for every individual, what those communities look like, is ultimately a really personal thing, but the basis of pretty much anybody's self-confidence, I think, comes from being able to trust that those closest to them, those with whom they are most vulnerable or intimate, with their whole selves.

When you find those people and you are able to take your armour off, when you are able to just exist in the presence of that love without being fully armoured, you can then begin to see what you look like under it yourself, you know?

Not just because you're seeing it through other people's eyes, but also because you're seeing them unarmoured too, and you're doing that self-discovery not only through reflection and introspection, but through connection with others.

With queer people, I would say find other queer people - there's a reason that I always say it's important for trans MLM to seek out other MLM spaces, specifically because of the way attraction to men and men in general are celebrated in those rather than in broader spaces where there's often a bit of an "ew, men are icky, being attracted to men is icky" sentiment. There's a reason I also say that for disabled people, being around other disabled people fucking rocks.

Good luck with it, Anon! It's hard, but it's so rewarding once you do start to find people you click with, even if it's online or it's only now and then IRL, etc.

[xxcherrycherixx]

Anything you'd be willing to share on the bjd project?

What inspired you, intended size. etc?

i actually just pretty much finished the model so perfect timing lmao

the size is around 30cm so average barbie size or 1/6th scale i believe?? im not actually that knowledgeable about bjd terms and shit i just want a pretty doll i can pose better than my eah dolls 💀

for inspirations this model is based on my c.a cupid design (aka big booby curvy cupid my beloved) because im insane and obsessed ofc so it only makes sense i make the bjd of her. but there wasn't really any doll inspirations?? i mean i looked at hundreds to figure out just how the fuck bjd's actually work since i dont even own one or anything (my made to move barbie actually helped a bit, she has somewhat similar mechanics so i could sometimes study her movements and shapes as i worked) , but i really just wanted a more realistic looking curvy doll so i kinda winged it because most i saw are really simplistic, over exaggerated, anime inspired or just skinny. even then she still isn't as curvy as i would have liked mostly for the fact that it was hard to find references that would show me how to deal with the pose limitations curvy dolls have.

i will say, her joints arent actually sculpted by me. i used the free elbow/knee joint and peanut hip joint by aelithArt because i literally have 0 blender experience and when i started i didnt think i could handle making joints yet. i might be able to now after finally finishing my first project, and maybe i will try to make some eventually but for now im fine with using the premade ones.

like i said she is literally my first blender and 3D modeling project ever, the only experience with blender i had before this was occasionally downloading it thinking "im going to finally learn blender" struggling to do basic things for an hour and then just uninstalling because i couldn't do anything 💀 but this time i actually followed the character sculpt tutorial by bran sculpts on youtube, and fuck it helped me so much- my ass had no idea how to use a subdivision surface or boolean before it 😭

this finished model is also the result of a second try, the first model i started and posted about on here i actually quit it because i ran into issues i didn't know how to fix at the time. im much happier with this one's face and body though, although i kinda really miss the massive tits of my old one and might make a version of the bust piece with similar boobs (part of me also really wants a penis version of the hip piece so i can make cupid cock real LMAOO).

here's a comparison of the two (old left, new right)

she has her elastic channels all hollowed out (they should fit 3mm elastics if i did my measurements right, but then again i dropped out of school at 13 so dont take my word) and the inside of her head has supports for small magnets to be added.

basically all thats left for me to do is to save up and get an actual resin 3D printer because i dont actually have one 💀 thats right i spent all this time making her knowing i have no way to actually print her 😭 i cant even show off this achievement to people i know like my parents because i don't know how to explain why i sculpted a doll with nipples and a vagina.

no one even knows i draw nsfw art despite it being literally all i draw now, i just don't want these kind of conversations with anyone i know 😭 despite my shameless hornyness online i am actually very shy about these subjects when it comes to people i know irl 😔

[bandzboy]

this isn't meant to come off as harsh or anything so please don't take it that way, but i think you really need to start shifting your perspective on your online advocacy for your own sake. you feel alone, you feel like youre doing this yourself, but where are you getting this information from? largely from people on twitter, other fan spaces, etc. so already you are a part of a larger whole of people doing this work. and even beyond that a part of the larger whole of bds in general (if not the official bds but you know what i mean). youre in solidarity with a lot of people and tumblr is a tiiiiiiny sliver of the international fan space but i think by seeing all the stock prices dropping from things like mcds/sbux etc you can see that people are with you, a lot of the people participating in these external boycotts/protests/etc are the same people seeing your stuff on tumblr here too, they just use their energy in other areas so it does create a ripple effect even if you cant see it from the screen. they're not wholly seperete movements its all part of the larger entity of antizionism/pro palestine activism. expand your perspective out a bit and start seeing yourself as a part of instead of the only voice yknow? it might help a bit, i hope you find some peace with it all in general

no you are right! it's not even harsh tbh you are correct and i guess i did not see it that way even tho deep down i knew that i'm part of a very big and large movement that is currently happening and i'm just trying to do my part and everything i can but i suppose since this is sort of new to me i'm trying to figure out if what my role should be or if i should be doing more and debating myself about this constantly and yeah! i guess it's because i don't have people in my life (like irl) that have the same morals as me or i can talk about this with i end up feeling lonely but that's like another variable. it's truly a lot things i feel like if i was maybe able to attend protests or demonstrations my perspective would change a lot you know but thank you for this ask i wish i could articulate my feelings better but this was honestly very helpful