#cant stop thinking about rushing to paradise

[2189114reads]

fundamental shock to me that neil survived the entire book & made it out alive but also in a way he didn’t because he died on that island . blah blah neil saying he would always be waiting on that island for the woman who groomed him & tried to murder him while on the trip home from that island is sort of him not surviving the book .oujg it makes me nauseous

[onskepa]

REMINDER TO EVERYBODY: This au is one where Spider is a girl and the Sully's kids are boys.

Here we go for the sequel i been waiting on...

I was thinking,

Spider getting courted by this male na'vi (I really headcanon he's pansexual in canon, so i think in this au he's is too)

And like, she's on with this for a while, because why not?

She's 16 she would love to have a boyfriend and shit like that, every girl her age does it.

She and this guy, flirt, go on strange walks togheter, hunt and do things like this with eachother..

But the Sully's boys, do NOT like this, they all jealous (not in a sexual or romantic way, but in a platonic way, like older brothers are protective of their younger sisters)

And they start this series of "condolences" where Spider is needed to them.

Like

Neteyam: Spider i really need your help with my ikran, she can only calm down with your help i swear.

-

Lo'ak: dude, i need your help with cleaning my family's knives, i really cant do it without your help

-

Kiri: monkey girl, can you please help me search from this herbs? my grandmother really needs them!

-

Tuk: can we pretty please play with me?

-

Spider in a way of another always accepts, until her date gets angry at her for dropping out on their dates every last minute (especially after he organised a big day for them to spent togheter, and she dropped it because she was asked by one of the boys)

She goes cry to her brothers about it, and meanwhile they console her, Lo'ak let himself escape a "We knew he wasn't good for you anyway sis"

And she gets really mad, and starts yelling at them about how is all their fault and that she can't belive they did something like that to her.

(Idk how to go forward to this point honestly, i hope in you love xx)

Hellooooooo darling~!!

So I can see so many things with this idea! Hope you and everyone enjoy this one~!!

P.S: Spider = Arachnid, Kiri = Kamun , Tuk = Tik

Arachnid

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Arachnid: Lose strings

Some time has passed since the incident with Tony, and while he has never done anything like that ever again, Arachnid knows better than to be alone in the lab other than her own personal room. 

However, it hasn't stopped the deep worry the poor girl has. Thinking that every other male aside from the sully brothers, wants something from her. Should arachnid need something or ask, it is mostly the women she goes to. Rarely she would ask norm or max. 

But that doesn't stop her from having fun with the sully brothers. They are her best friends and closest to a family she has.  Arachnid is happy despite some bumps on the road. And it is fine. 

Until one na’vi male took interest in her.

Srefey, a young male na’vi who had finished his iknimaya not long ago. Bright, talented, always eager to help those in need. But he is also someone who longs for something. While young and still discovering new things, he desires something that his loving parents have. 

A strong bond with a significant other. 

Someone who he can call many loving names, do things together, and build a small paradise just between the two. Srefey’s parents are in no rush to find someone for him, or he is looking for someone. There is a time and a place, as they always say. Yet Srefey can't help but search. To yearn for someone as they yearn for him. 

Of course he should be patient

But at the same time, he should explore his options and see what else he considered yet. 

“Hey don't act so spoiled now temtem” Arachnid giggles as temtem, neteyam’s ikran, nuzzles against her. 

“Alright, just one more” She says, tossing a big piece of meat into the ikrans mouth, temtem accepts it happily. 

“I swear he should be your ikran instead. Never listen to me” Neteyam says as he shakes his head. Both gently pet temtem as he purrs in his own way. Loving the attention he is getting. 

“Maybe the way you approach him is wrong,” Arachnid suggested. Neteyam sighs, “I have tried your tips, copied how you speak and touched him. Yet nothing works, it is like he just prefers you over me. And I am the rider” Neteyam says. Tetem grunts as if to agree with him. 

“Awe~ Is that it temtem? You like me? Yeah? You like me better than old grumpy neyney?” Arachnid baby talks temtem as she scratches under his chin, having him pant happily like a dog. 

“I'm not grumpy” Neteyam frowns as he crosses his arms. 

“Whatever, I will watch over him while you get your stuff” Arachnid suggests. Agreeing to that, neteyam leaves. 

Srefey and a small group of other young na’vi go to attend their ikrans. Seeing his beloved ikran, roar out in how he missed srefey. 

“My dear friend, I have missed you too” Srefey comforts his ikran. 

“ARACHNID!!” 

The voice of a young one was heard past him. Turning, he recognizes young Tik sully, following behind were his two older brothers, kamun and lo’ak. All three walked towards the sky na’vi, arachnid. He sees how the brothers interact with the girl. All hugging and talking with the young girl like a close friend, family from what he can see. 

Srefey was aware of arachnid and how she does her best to contribute to the clan. Many acknowledge and some pretend she doesn't exist. He wasn't in between but this is a first where he truly saw her. 

While attending to his ikran, srefey couldn't help but observe the sky na’vi. Arachnid tends to neteyam’s ikran well, and the ikran responds to her petting, kind words, and anything she does. Speaking in fluent, perfect na’vi as she speaks to anyone. The girl's voice was soft and kind, from what he could hear at the distance. 

The more he sees, the more curious he becomes about arachnid. 

“Tsahik, some of the warriors require your help, they can't make it all the way over here” a na’vi told mo’at. Quickly she gathers her things and turns to arachnid. “You stay and continue with the paste, help anyone who comes. I will return”, with an affirmed nod from arachnid, mo’at leaves. 

Arachnid begins to hum a lovely tune as she continues to make healing paste among other medicines. It is moments like that, being alone can clear her mind. At peace and at her own pace. 

At least for 5 minutes before the flaps of the healing tent opened. 

“Tsahik, I-oh, I'm sorry, is the tsahik not here…?” A young na’vi entered, gripping his shoulder. Arachnid turned to him, shaking her head. 

“No, she left not too long ago to help with some of the warriors. However, tsahik has taught me her ways, I can help you” Arachnid offered. 

A smile reached up to the young na’vi’s lips, sitting down at the woven mat, he showed his wound to the sky na’vi. There was a deep slash, blood still escaping from the wound. Quickly, arachnid got to work. While she didnt speak, concentrated to get the materials and stop the bleeding, the boy observed her, seeing how quick and swiftly she began to do her thing, very much like a healer of advanced level. 

Grabbing a wet rag, slowly arachnid taps it gently on the wound, cleaning the blooded area. 

“Did a hunt go wrong?” She asked, as means to distract him a bit from the stinging pain. The boy huffed a bit. “You could say that, a herb of strumbeast came out of nowhere. We had little time to get out of their way. I got hurt by hitting against a rock, but others obtained more serious injuries”, he explained. 

“That explains Mo'at having to leave” arachnid replied. 

They made a few glances at each other, giving small talk. 

“There, all better,” Arachnid says as she finishes bandaging his wound. Doing a bit of shoulder movement, the boy was surprised how bit of pain he felt and how freely he can move his arm. The sky na’vi is very good. 

“Thank you” the boy says, grinning in gratitude. Arachnid nods. 

“I never catched your name,” the boy says. 

“My name is Arachnid,” the girl replies with a warm smile. This made the boy smile bigger in return. 

“Pleasure to meet you arachnid, my name is srefey”.

After their first meeting, do they cross paths more often. Notice each other but arachnid still keeps her distance. Her trust in males still warry. Of course the sully’s were not that oblivious to the quick glances but didn't interfere much. For now. 

“Arachnid, look I found these large flower orange petals. Should we make a new top for you? It will bring out your stripes more” Kamun said to arachnid one day. Arachnid inspected the material, it was soft and very beautiful, she nodded. 

“But this time, maybe I should cover myself a bit more…” arachnid mutters. Kamun hears this and sighs, “are they still bothering you?” he asked while growling a bit. “If they are, just say the word and we will take care of them”. 

Arachnid was quick to shake her hands and head denying it, “no no! They stopped after whatever you did with tony”. This brought Kamun a sense of peace as his shoulders relax. “Then you shouldn't worry, don't let the past incident cloud you. Never be ashamed of your body” Kamun encourages. 

Agreeing, arachnid and kiri begin to work. 

The following day, Arachnid wears her new clothing with love and pride. Kamun was right, orange does bring out her stripes better. Which made her feel more confident and happy. And a special na’vi noticed her happy improvement. 

“Need some help?” Srefey asked arachnid one bright morning. Arachnid collected some special leaves but holding a basket, while holding a vine and at the same time picked at the leaves it a bit of a challenge. But arachnid was still warry. 

“I can manage,” Arachnid replied, a bit stubbornly. This made Srefey chuckled, “are you sure? I can see you trying to balance yourself and the basket. It can be done quicker if you let me assist” he offered. 

Arachnid was alone and the sully brothers will doing some training, promised to help her later, but she needed the leaves now. Sighing a bit in defeat, Arachnid allowed srefey in assisting her. “Fine, but I hold the basket, you can just drop the leaves in there,” Arachnid said. This was fine with srefey. 

Switching sides, arachnid stayed on the ground as srefey climbed on the vine and started to collect the leaves and drop them on the basket. “What do you need these leaves for?” Srefey asked out of curiosity. Arachnid was a bit hesitant to answer, “why do you want to know?” Arachnid asks back. 

Srefey chuckles a bit, “can I know?”, arachnid shrugs and doesn't say much. After a few minutes, the basket was full so srefey got down. “Would you like me to carry it?” He offers. Arachnid quickly and gently takes the basket closer to her body, “thanks but you did enough. I can carry it, it's not heavy”. Really, it wasn't. Srefey took notice of how arachnid’s behavior is. A bit distant and not making much eye contact. 

“You know, you dont have to be so tense around me. I won't hurt you, you seem like a nice person to be around” Srefey compliments. Arachnid had her eyes wide a bit, surprised by his choice of words. Perhaps she was being a bit cold to him. 

“S-sorry, it's not that I think you would hurt me, I am just…still tense from an incident” Arachnid confesses. This caught srefey’s attention. Now his eyes fully on her, he couldn't help but know, “incident? Has someone hurt you?”. 

“Not physically, since I wear na’vi clothing majority of the time. Human males had looked at me with….uncomfortable glances. Someone tried to take me somewhere more private but, lucky kamun and tik arrived on time. Send me off to tsahik, I dont know what they did but after that, many males didnt try to touch me again. However, it still doesnt shake off their stares at me. So sorry if I am being like this to you, it's not easy to just shake it off. Being alone with a man still irks me” Arachnid explains. 

Now fully understanding her situation, srefey thinks of another route. Stupid humans are still doing stupid things it seems. 

“Well, how about I show you?” Srefey asks, this made arachnid raise an eyebrow. 

“Show me?” 

“Yes, let me prove to you that I mean now harm. I won't lie arachnid, you have captured my interest, and before you assume anything. I merely wish to get to know you. Be friends even. And if you think it won't work out, or if you are uncomfortable, just tell me. I won't force you, have you be in control”. 

Arachnid let his offer linger in her mind. Her finger tapping on her chin as she hums in thought. It wouldn't hurt right? She cant always be living in fear. 

“Alright, I don't mind being friends with you” Arachnid gives her answer, this made srefey smile in excitement.  

“Great, I know you are busy but how about tomorrow? We can go and…”

3 months of lovely friendship grew between arachnid and srefey. 3 months of getting to know each other, likes, dislikes, secrets and discovering new things together. 3 months of platonic relationship, until it grew into something more….intimate. 

“What…?” Arachnid asks, in disbelief of what she is hearing and seeing in front of her. 

On a bright sunny day, after playing in a clear river and eating good fruit. Srefey thought it would be a perfect moment for what he longed to speak. 

“Allow me to court you” Srefey said patiently, his smile warm and hopeful. 

Arachnid was truly at a loss for words. Someone, someone with zero bad intentions, someone who sees her more than a human, someone who desires her in a romantic way. The whole thing sounded impossible to believe. 

“B-but im human…” Arachnid says, almost in a mere whisper. 

Srefey lets a chuckle escape him as he slowly gets closer to her. 

“And? That doesn't stop me from wanting to court you. You are na’vi in all forms. Even if you don't have a kuru, or share our blue skin, I could care less. You are you arachnid, and that is what I enjoy” Srefey confesses. 

Oh if only srefey knew what those words make arachnid feel. 

“I…*Sighs* srefey, what if I don't see or feel the same way as you?” Arachnid asks, rubbing her arms as means for comfort and reassurance. If anything, it only made srefey get closer to her, his hands ghosting over hers. 

“Allow me to change your mind. And if..in the end it doesn't work, we can still be friends. You are too incredible for me to lose. Please..?” 

After long seconds of silence, Arachnid gives her answer. 

“Ok, let's see where this goes”. 

“YOU ARE BEING WHAT?!” the four sully brothers screamed/asked in complete and utter shock. Unable to process what they were told. And as they all have a moment of brain exe. Not working moment, Arachnid calmly drinks her tea. 

“Srefey is courting me” Simple. Easy. 

If only it really was that simple and easy. 

“B-but…..h-how-justWHAT?!” Lo’ak was freaking out, grabbing his hair as he paced back and forth. Tik was just as speechless as neteyam while Kamun narrowed his eyes. 

“You? C-courted?! Srefey?!” 

Arachnid rolled her eyes, “oh calm down, it's not that big of a deal” 

“IT IS A BIG DEAL!!” Tik shouted, snapping out of his own shock. Grabbing arachnid by the arm, he starts to shake her. “Tik stop!! My tea!!” Arachnid shouted as big drops of her tea were spilling from the constant shaking. Which tik didn't care for. 

“Knock it off, seriously. Great, now I have to make more” Arachnid whined a bit, gently pushing tik away as she prepares to make more tea. 

“Did he bribed you? Manipulated you? Just say the word and we will take care of it” Neteyam urges. Arachnid was starting to feel a bit annoyed by how persistent they are. 

“He didn't do anything. Srefey asked me, and I accepted. I made the choice for him to court me. No one is forcing anything. Simple as that. Meaning, you four will also have to accept it” 

This new turn of events wasn't something the four brothers liked. Arachnid is someone dear to them, a sister in all but blood. While arachnid can do many things, she is still limited and vulnerable. To protect her has become the brothers new purpose. Making sure Arachnid is safe and out of harm's way. 

And srefey, well, he has become a new threat to them.

“Here, I made these for your hair. I thought…it would look nice” Srefey tells Arachnid, on his hands are well carved beads all of them in beautiful colors. Arachnid gasped in awe. Gently grabbing one bead at a time, carefully inspecting them, the manner of the carving shows the complexity of the patterns, no two beads were the same. 

“Srefey…you didn't have to do this” Arachnid whispered as she blushed a bit. It is very rare that she is given something. Srefey feels happy and satisfied that Arachnid loves his gift. 

“I insist, besides. This is my first courting gift to you. And there will be many to come” Srefey grins. Arachnid blinked a few times, the first of many? Just how many gifts will it take? While arachnid does know the basics of courting in na’vi, each courting is still unique to their own. 

“Very well, but please. I don't need anything big for you to show me what you are capable of. Just…treating me right is enough for me” Arachnid tells srefey. Her smile bright and warm, of the many things Srefey has come to cherish with all his heart. 

“As you desire ma’Yawntu” 

Srefey will be the death of her if he continues with those names. 

Arachnid wore her new beads with great joy. She styled her hair almost the same, but this time she tied the front part and pulled back to expose more of her face. Decorating her hair with the beads made her feel more part of the clan. Oh how she loves the new beads. Srefey knew how to pick as they were of fine quality. Makes her appreciate his efforts. 

However, while the change was great, not everyone was liking it. Thus, the sully brothers often sulking and began to hate srefey. The more time arachnid spends with that young na’vi, the less time she spends with them. Which often ends the day with a sour mood. Kamun and tik are so used to having arachnid around, it is so strange not to have that anymore. Lo’ak misses pulling pranks and cracking dumb jokes with arachnid, and neteyam misses arachnid as he feels like a baby brother when she is around. 

And who is srefey to think he is worthy of their dear sister? After all that she went through, who is to say it won't happen again? They dont trust that goody goody srefey. Nothing ever good comes out of those who want arachnid. 

Until, one day, after seeing arachnid wear a matching necklace of srefey’s, did the brothers last standing tolerance break. 

“Boys…I have an idea” 

Srefey is a young warrior and a hunter, and would often go join a hunting party to gather enough meat for everyone in the village. That means there is a planned time and place of where to go. A schedule if you will. Meaning there is plenty of time to plan what to do by the time that srefey gets back. 

“Alright, everyone understood the plan?” Neteyam asks his younger brothers who all nodded enthusiastically. Neteyam grins in satisfaction. Good, if they all follow the plan, then nothing should fail. They know arachnid in and out. 

Lo’ak and neteyam left to join the same hunting party as srefey while kamun and tik do their part. By taking arachnid to a different area, a bit farther from the village. 

“You two, when I said I had time I didnt think you would take me all the way over here” Arachnid said as they settled in a nice area with a lake nearby for a swim. The view was lovely, there is no denying that, but to get there took a good amount of time. She didn't want to arrive back late and miss srefey returning. It didn't help that Kamun or tik did not think to bring their ikrans for faster travel. 

“Come on, we miss hanging out with you. It isn't the same with you being with that srevie guy” Tik complained. “Srefey” Arachnid corrected, tik could care less. That no good na’vi was taking time and attention from their sweet sister. 

“Whatever, come on! We can make some pretty cool slingshots or make more flower crowns, OH! We can plays hunter on hunter!” Tik suggested so many activities. And all sounded so much fun, unable to deny tik’s cute face, Arachnid chose what game and the three began to play. 

Until Arachnid lost track as she noticed the sun was beginning to set. Panic flowed into her. 

“Oh my Eywa, we have to get back!!” She was in a hurry, no doubt srefey already made it back and hoped to see her. But arachnid was so caught up in the games, she failed to realize how much time has passed. 

Kamun and tik on the other hand were in no rush to return home. As that is part of their plan. Placing an arm around arachnid’s shoulder, Kamun took his time walking, making arachnid having to follow his slow pace. 

“Relax arachnid, we will make it back. There will still be plenty of food by the time we get there” Kamun says in an odd relaxed tone. This only made arachnid more annoyed by the second. How she really wished she had an ikran of her own. Pushing Kamun's arm off of her, Arachnid begins to run, this makes tik and kamun follow. 

“Arachnid!! Wait up!!” Tik shouts, trying to keep up with her speed. Kamun quickly picks his little brother up in his arms and runs faster. “Why in such a hurry?! We have time!!” Kamun shouts at Arachnid, but the human girl ignores him. Her mind set on arriving at the village. There is already good progress, she will be damned if anything risks her relationship with srefey. 

And what felt like forever, Arachnid made it back just as the eclipse was forming in the sky. People were already going over to the fire pits, the meat no doubt already prepared and ready to serve. This made arachnid anxious. Looking all over the crowd to find srefey. 

“Ma’arachnid!” 

Quickly arachnid turned to find srefey waving his arm, smiling as he looked at her. Sighing relief, she goes over to him and gives him a big hug. Srefey happily returned the gesture. 

“I was starting to worry, it is unlike you to be late for anything” He says with a relieved smile on his handsome face. Arachnid chuckled a bit, “I was out with kamun and tik, we left early and I thought we would make it back. Only to realize just how far it was, but I am here now” she replied. 

Srefey brings his hand on her shoulder and guides to one of the fire puts and begins to eat together, discussing their day. While not too far from them the 4 sully’s throw death glares at srefey. 

“Well, it sort of worked” Kamun said as he stares at the couple. “Guess we will have to try harder” Lo’ak responded. 

And try harder they did.

Each sully takes turns in planning their next move, but usually it would be either lo’ak or kamun being the masterminds. And their plans work, as little by little do they interrupt arachnid’s and srefeys dates. Each sully taking turns using some form of excuse to take arachnid away from srefey. 

Less time does the two spend, and now they take arachnid everywhere before she can even look for srefey in the village. However as the boys secretly celebrate their growing victory, Arachnid and srefey were growing frustrated in their own ways. 

One morning Arachnid went to the village extra early, determined to find Srefey before those annoying boys find her instead. As she runs, she begins to see the early risers up and about. Srefey is an early riser, likes to get things early to have some free time later. Free time that should have been spent with arachnid if things don't stop coming her way. 

“There he is!” She gasps happily to see srefey organizing some baskets. 

“Srefey!” she happily calls out to him. The young na’vi turns and a smile spreads on his lips, stopping what he was doing, he turns completely to arachnid who jumped into his arms, giggling like a youngster in love. 

“So strange to see you this early, I know you treasure your sleep” Srefey teases, this made arachnid laugh. “Yes, well I am willing to sacrifice my precious sleep if it means to see you more”. 

Those words made srefey melt from the inside. Grabbing arachnids hands, he leads her somewhere more private as they snuggle together. Oh how they missed being in each other's embrace. Truly something they can't live without. 

“I miss holding you like this” Srefey confesses as he buries his head into arachnids neck, taking in her scent. The Earth of pandora and early morning mist is a lovely combination. Humming, Arachnid couldn't help but agree, “me too, I missed your big strong arms holding me. These past weeks have been endless tasks here and there”. 

Srefey couldnt help but nod, indeed it has. For some reason neteyam sully has given srefey more tasks to do, not that he minded but at times he questions why give him such silly duties when anyone can do them. And for arachnid, before she could even announce she is off, one of the four brothers would take her aside and say something along the lines of “you know temtem can't behave without you”. 

Or kamun saying “I need help looking for these herbs, grandmother says you know where to look”. 

Or thick head lo’ak practically begging arachnid and saying “Please help me sharpen the knives!! Just doing one takes forever and not every blade is the same!” 

And sweet adorable tik was also asking, close to demanding arachnid, “Let's go play at the fields! We never do that anymore! We can play your favorite games!” 

Each day one of them always has something for arachnid to do. And it takes away from her time with srefey. 

“I am courting you…yet it doesn't feel like that anymore” Srefey says in a whimper. It tugs the girl's heart seeing him like this. He should smile, not be sad. Gently strokes his ears, arachnid hums a tune. Srefey did say she had a lovely voice. 

And to srefey’s ears, arachnid can sing his sorrows away. Holding her tighter, he thinks of ways to spend time with her again. Because each day he begins to doubt and lose hope of a possible future with the girl he came to love. Srefey doesn't want to lose hope, does not wish to lose hope for arachnid. 

“How about…tomorrow? We do our tasks today, all of them. And have the whole day tomorrow just for us? No interruptions, no side tracks, nothing. Just you and me srefey” Arachnid suggests. Srefey looked at her with a new found hope and anticipation. Already looking forward to it, they agree on the time and spot. 

“Promise me you won't break our agreement?” Srefey asks. Arachnid can sense his doubts and nervousness. It wouldn't be the first time she had to cancel their meeting time. “I promise, I won't let anyone stop me from being with you”. 

Easier said than done. 

The following day arrived, no chores, no hunts, no nothing. The whole day is free to do any activities. A whole day of going anywhere at any time, doing whatever their hearts desired. The excitement of what to do fills the hearts of arachnid and srefey. Separately in their own homes, do they get ready. 

Srefey was the firs to arrive in the agreed spot. The sun was still rising from the horizon, giving color to his home. The anticipation filled his heart with joy. To see arachnid and have all her attention again was thrilling to think of. He prepared a small basket of their favorite fruits. And maybe a little gift. 

Of course he knew that the human base was a little away from the village, so it would make sense that arachnid would come a few minutes later. She does run very fast and can keep up with the speed of the na’vi. 

Besides, the day is barely beginning, there is time for the two. So he sits in a comfortable position, looking at the calm river that flows with color fishes that swim by. Won't be long now. 

8 hours later 

What hope Srefey had is now gone. Vanished. Sighing in defeat, he leaves. He should have known better. Arachnid is still human after all, and one of the things he hates about humans is how they can easily break a promise. He was a fool to think Arachnid was different. But she is like the rest. A liar and a deceit. 

Dropping the basket, he leaves in an angry huff. At this point he isn't even courting her, he should stop before he could get hurt anymore. A fool he feels, an utter fool.

Arachnid is a fool. An utter fool. To think it would just be a quick thing turned out to be lasting the whole day! 

“Arachnid come on! Don't you want to join us for dinner?” Lo’ak asks as he grabs her arm to which she was quick to yank back. “No, I have to find srefey. I messed up big time!” Panic surged into her. Thinking of the worst she makes a run for it to find srefey. But as she runs, she fails to see the satisfied look from her friends. 

“How long until he calls quits?” Tik asks as he holds neteyam’s hand. Lo’ak grins confidently, “Not long, since we had her for the whole day. I am betting he will break tonight. Might make her cry but we will be there to cheer her up”. 

Kamun turns to look at lo’ak concern all over his face, “make her cry? I don't like pushing her to the edge. What if we have gone too far?”. 

Lo’ak was quick to stare at his brother, “do you want to spend your days without her? To not have her around for our pranks and adventures? To not have her around and feel more lonely than ever?”. 

“Alright that is enough lo’ak, we all have the same goal alright? If srefey doesn't break it off we will try something else '' Neteyam cuts off a possible argument. But kamun was right, seeing arachnid cry is the last thing any of them wants. But if it is necessary to get their point across, then it will be a hard choice to make. 

Arachnid is someone the boys love as a sister. Someone they seem vulnerable to the world, she is strong and can stand her own, but pandora is still dangerous even for the na’vi. The need to protect her is a fierce emotion they all have equally, and only want what is best for her. And srefey, isn't not the best for their dear arachnid. 

They dont like how srefey has easily captured arachnids heart, taking her away from them. Not spending much time like she used to. 

“If it works, will she come back to us?” Tik asks, looking up at his siblings. Neteyam strokes his baby brother’s head as to comfort him, “that is right, it will be just like it was. And srefey will only be a bad memory”.

“Srefey!” Arahcnid calls out as she spotted him. From his stance she can tell he isn't happy, not one bit. She really messed up big time. Quickly going to him, carefully choosing the right words.

“Srefey, I am so so so sorry. I know I messed up, I d-”

“Didn't mean to take so long?” Srefey finished for her. His tone was way too calm, his eyes sharp as if piercing into her soul. Arachnid slowly reached out to touch him but he backed away. He really is pissed off. 

“You know…I am a fool to think you were special. That you are not like the sky demons, that maybe I have found what I longed for in you. But no, no you are not special, nothing unique. Just a walking demon that can't even pass as a na’vi. You are just like them all, a liar” 

Each word took a stab at arachnids heart, his anger rising making her fears rise as well. His warm eyes now burn in anger and hate. This isn't what she wanted. 

“Please, srefey, let me explain-” And again srefey had cut her words. 

“Explain what? That you lost track of time? That those friends of yours needed your help? That you couldn't say no to them? Explain what arachnid?!” Tears were ready to escape the poor boy’s eyes. His anger and sadness climbs up to his throat, anymore and he might say more harmful words. 

Arachnid however, she let her tears run like rivers. Her lips quivering and heart beating fast like a drum. This is exactly what she feared, to be rejected. To not be wanted by anyone. 

“S-srefey…” She tries to speak, but all the words were tangled in the back of her throat. Her mind and heart fight, trying to pick what to say to ease srefey, but she knows nothing will. 

A click of the tongue, srefey can't help but chuckle. “I am done, this courting isn't going anywhere. Burn the gifts, I want nothing associated with a sky demon. Farewell, demon” 

Without looking back, he leaves. 

And arachnid is left with her heart shattered, her eyes still glued to him as srefey’s body becomes smaller and gone. 

Never had arachnid cried so hard as she did that night. Running straight to the base and into her room, not bothering to give anyone an explanation. Not caring if Eywa heard her loud cries. Tears never stopped running, her heart never stopped hurting for the whole night. Not a moment of rest came to her. Srefey’s words repeated over and over in her mind.  

And that is how she stayed for days, not interacting with anybody. It made norm and others worry as she doesn't eat much or do anything. Just sit in her room. And that is when they call the sully family in hopes they could do something. 

Only the brothers responded with eagerness. 

While tight in the room, the four boys managed to sit comfortably as they sooth arachnid, trying their best to hide their victorious grins. 

“I am an idiot..he is right…I am a liar and a demon…” Arachnid muttered as Kamun and tik held her in their arms. Kamun gently pushed her braids aside, tucking them behind her ears. “Don't say that, srefey is the idiot. You are not a demon, you are our friend, sister, and more” Kamun tells Arachnid with the softness of his voice. 

“Yeah, who needs that skxawng? He wasnt good enough. Dont let him get to you” Lo’ak adds. And as more arachnid listens, the more she agrees. Perhaps srefey wasnt what she hoped for. Maybe he was like all the rest. 

She is fine without him. 

4 months later 

Arachnid was carrying a basket of sweets as she heads to the sully’s home. Smiling brightly as she makes her way. Ever since her terrible end with srefey, the sullys were there to comfort her. Make her feel better and always know how to lighten her mood. Always there when she needs them. 

So as she climbs, already excited to see their reaction of sweet treats, she hears the boys whispering. Silently, arachnid climbs and as quiet as she can. What are they talking about? 

“Hahaha! Can you believe it's been 4 months already? No doubt arachnid has already forgotten about that srefey” 

That was lo’ak, but why does he sound so smug? 

“Yes, and any attachments left are burned and turned to ashes. Look at her now, back to where she always belonged, with us” that was kamun. 

“It took a long time, but our plans worked. Purposely sabotaging their dates was executed to perfection” what the hell was neteyam talking about?! 

After the reveal, arachnid can't help but want to know what they did. Are they at fault for ruining her relationship with srefey!? 

“The hell you mean sabotaging the dates?!” arachnid shouted as she entered their home. It caught the boys by surprise, all quickly standing, their tails giving away how shocked they were. So now, they were all silent. 

“Well? Aren't you going to say anymore?!” the more silent they are, the angrier the arachnid got. 

“ANSWER ME!” 

“Lo’ak started it!!” Tik gave in. Seeing arachnid angry made her look just as scary as his mama. And a scary spider isn't something he wants. 

“H-he was the one who didn't like srefey in the first place!! He thought that if srefey didn't love you anymore, that you would come back to us! And then, Kamun and neteyam began to plan how to separate you from srefey!” Tik confessed as he let the words slip out of his mouth. 

With a sharp glare, arachnid turned to look at lo’ak, who couldn't look at her in return. “Really lo’ak? What the hell is going on in that thick head of yours!?” arachnid shouted again, demanding really. 

“Well what the hell did you think!? You were spending more time with him than with us! We just wanted you to be hanging out with us. You always do. And that skaxwng thought too highly of himself and began to court you. Who the hell does he think he is?!” 

Lo’ak had enough and began to bark back with his confession. Arachnid left out a scoff, does he really think he is in the right? 

Then she turned to Kamun who wore an expression of guilt. 

“And you went along with it? Tik I get he gets easily impressionable but you!? It is you who gets lo’ak out of trouble not dive head first! What were you thinking!?” 

Kamun scratched the back of his head, guilt breaking him already. “What I thought was best! We missed having you with us. And the thought of seeing you go with that guy, or anyone. I hate it!” 

Groaning deeply, she turns to neteyam whom she was surprised by the most. “Neteyam, you are the oldest of your siblings! You are supposed to be the logic! The brains! Letting lo’ak dig his words into you is beyond me. But you are just as stupid as the rest of them. I can't believe you went along with it and planned it out!! 

Neteyam couldn't say anything as he hung his head down in shame. 

Look at all four now, her anger just keeps rising. 

“When I was crying, when I was heartbroken and depressed, were you all happy that I dug in my misery? Crying, thinking that no one would love me? Was that your sick satisfaction? To see me break down?! And for what?! For you to pick up my pieces thinking only you four can have my attention. Ugh I swear you are all fucking stupid! I can't even begin to describe what I am feeling right now!” 

Walking back and forth, breathing deeply trying to calm herself. 

“Haven't you thought for one damn second that maybe I was happy with srefey? That I reciprocate his feelings for me? That I loved him as much? Only to be turned down thinking it was MY fault when really, it is all of your faults! And srefey! Great mother of all, srefey dealt with it the hardest! Creating all these gifts, spending time to prove his worth! And you fuckers ruined it! Well congratulations! You won! You win, but guess what? I am done. I am done with all of you. I cant anymore” 

Out of breath and dropping her hands, she starts to climb down. None of the boys went to stop her. Knowing that if they did, it will make things much worse. Letting arachnids' words sink in. More guilt and shame washed over them. Regret for what they done. Its true, they have won. 

But at what cost? 

Arachnid ran fast, faster than she ever did in her life. Now that she knows what really happened, why she was kept from being with srefey, who is to stop her now? 

Still remembering srefey’s routine, she headed straight to the river bank of the south. He loved going there to collect fresh water and herbs. And 4 months later, she is glad it hasn't changed. 

Down, near the river, arachnid saw srefey collecting some plants. A new found excitement flowed in her. Quickly, she goes down to talk to him. 

“Srefey!” she calls him. 

Sregey turned, and was surprised to see arachnid.  But it wasn't a happy surprise. He still hasnt forgotten what happened. 

“Go away” he tells in an impatient tone. 

“Please, I want to talk to you,” Arachnid pleaded. 

“I dont, you should go back with the other demons. I have nothing else to say to you” Srefey replies, his patience getting thin by the second. But arachnid was determined. 

“Srefey, if you just let me-”

“STOP!” Was all he said. Glaring daggers down at her. 

Taking a deep breath, she still goes on. 

“Please…if you hear me out, just this once. Listen to what I have to say, what you want to do after is your choice. If you don't want to see me, that is fine. Just please srefey…I need to tell you something” 

Their eyes meet and srefey can't help but soften just a bit. He did miss the color of her beautiful eyes. 

“Fine, speak” he gives in. 

Arachnid wasted no time. She began to explain what happened, and who was the culprits behind the constant interruptions of their dates. 

“They did all of that just to stop us from seeing each other??” Srefey asked. After hearing what Arachnid said, he couldn't help but feel….funny? 

The determination the sully’s had was admirable and give them some credit for not giving up. 

“Yes, and after cussing out at them I ran to find you and here we are…I am still mad at them. But I can't ignore them forever. I don't even know if their father can help fix their mess” Arachnid comments as she tugs a bit of her hair. 

Srefey does feel relieved that there was a reason behind the whole thing. 

Placing a hand on her small shoulder, he brings arachnid to face him. “I am sorry….for saying those terrible things to you. I regret it all. You must have felt the world crashing down on you” he says in a low tone. Arachnid looks down at her hands, tracing her painted stripes. 

“It did…made me think it was all my fault. That I couldn't do anything right no matter how hard I tried. That nothing I could do would be enough. That I will never be enough for you” 

Her words brought more guilt to srefrey. But perhaps…a new bloom can begin anew? 

“I know so much has happened but…what if….we start again? Start all over, and hopefully, this time, no one standing in our way?” Srefey asks. He won't deny, after months of not seeing arachnid, despite what he believed. He missed her so much. A lot of things reminded him of her. And now that he knew that arachnid was never at fault, he was ready. 

“You…you want to court me again?” Arachnid asks hesitantly. Hoping she didn't misheard him. 

And srefey nods, “yes. Yes I want to court you, and I will be better, if you allow me this chance?” 

“YES!” 

In a swift move, she jumped into his big arms. Engulfing her small frame, he holds her close. Damn, he forgot how small arachnid really is. Taking her in her scent, it brought back so many reasons why he liked her in the first place. 

“I missed you holding me like this” arachnid said close to his ear. His tail twitching happily, yes, he missed it too. 

“Come on, let's start anew. We can go to the up planes like we used to. Ride on my pali and eat as much fruit as we want” srefey suggests. Already thinking of many dates ahead of them. 

“Yes, I would like that” Arachnid agrees. 

Holding hands, forgetting of what he was doing, they go off to a new start of their official courting. 

But one thing still remains in question. 

“What about your friends? What will you tell them?” Srefey asks. 

Arachnid hums a bit in thought, “I am still mad at them. But, I think it is them that needs to think of their actions. It really was a sucker move from them. All of them. So, I will give them a day or two and talk to them. Things can end like how it did. But for now, I just want to make up the lost time with you”. 

New happiness bloomed in srefey’s heart. 

“Yes, and I with you. There is much to catch up on, and much more to explore” 

Aaaaaaand that is it for this one! I hoped everyone likes it! Took me forever berceuse of constant rewrites. Until next time, see ya!

-------

Srefey = expect

[technowoah]

Cant Handle This

Quackity's facade keeps breaking, and he tries to keep the pieces together. You're the only one who can make him show his true self

- Quackity x gen neutral reader

- this is a long one yall.

Now playing...

Can't Handle This (Kanye Rant)

Bo Burnham

0:01 ─●──────── 3:29

⚠︎ swearing, angst, mentions of mcyttwt, based on the song above, and ofc its not proofread

Part of my Inside Special!

Quackity sat in his chair currently streaming right now, he seemed like he was having a good time from your spot on his bed. You were currently laying on his bed after he invited you here to relax.

You two had laid in his bed just enjoying eachothers company until he got a call from Tommy saying he was ready for the lore stream which sent Alex into a frenzy. Alex sent out a quick "Im sorry" about the lateness of his stream and then quickly set everything up.

He then started to stream which left you alone on the the bed to your own devices. You were scrolling through Twitter looking at Alex's fans talk about what's happening on the stream and posting screenshots of his character and himself.

You admired him from afar as he ended the lore part of his stream, he took time to type on his phone to text you that he decided to stream longer to talk to his fans. He looked to you and you have him a nod with a smile and he gave one back.

"Hey guys! That's the end of the lore!" He exclaimed to his chat as he types at his computer setting a new background.

You continued to listen to him praise his chat for supporting him and making him be able to make those types of streams. You were always proud of Alex no matter what he did, you were always his number one supporter no matter what happened in reality or on the internet.

"So anyways! I wanted to talk to you guys! How are you all?" He smiled at his camera looking back and forth from his chat.

◇T0mm71nn1t: THE STREAM WAS SO GOOD QUACKITY

"Oh thank you! Im glad I could share this with you. It takes so much to put into these movite type streams, so I know now it is all worth it."

Quackity's pov. . .

He felt so overwhelmed, he shouldn't have began to stream again. The stress of putting everything together, plus being late to the stream made him rush into it more. He just wanted to lay back down with his lover who was enjoying watching him stream, and that's the goal he wants. His goal was to entertain, it was his job and he doesn't want to fail, he doesn't want to crack.

◇Mayatooni3: WE LOVE YOU QUACKITY

◇catiiequak: QUACKITY ITS MY BIRTHDAY CAN I GET A HAPPY BIRTHDAY??

◇yriaaolic: 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

"Happy Birthday!" He said seeing the comment pass in a second. "Happy Birthday to anyone who's Birthday it is today."

Right now it was hard. It was hard to keep up when there was always a constant demand, the constant need to be perfect, his past being brought up, and trying to one-up his content everytime. He loved this, but at the same time it had the same weight as a job.

In the back of his mind he knew the "When is Quackity streaming???" is mostly lighthearted, he never wants to leave.

"Quack are you okay? Im fine! Just thinking about how to get something to eat at 2am." He laughed lying to his fans, he wanted to stop this stream.

He kept looking over to his lover lying their head on his pillow scrolling through their phone and alternating their vision from him and their phone. He always caught a glimpse of their small smile everytime he looked. He was doing something right.

"Do yall think Taco Bell is open? The only problem I have is that Im fucking starving."

He paused for a moment taking a deep breath trying to keep his emotions down. The stress was getting to him, and he fucking knew it, but he didnt stop. He was going to get burnt out eventually and stop streaming and YouTube all together, but he needed this. He needed a break, he needed to take time for himself and stop putting on a happy face when he isnt.

TTS ◇pulixsaxe: "Did you see what was happening on Twitter quackity?"

"Wait what's happening on Twitter?" He asked with a weary laugh.

I can sit here and pretend like my biggest problems are

Pringle cans, and burritos

The truth is, my biggest problem's you,

Your eyes widened as he mentioned Twitter. Truth be told he was trending because of his stream, yes, but also they brung up stuff from his past again in the wake of another content creator's past or present being brought up. You hadn't paid attention to that, you were only getting fueled up from Twitter bringing up an issue that he already had addressed.

Tempted to speak and tell him its fine, he already spoke up before you.

"I bet it's fine! I dont wanna... I don't need to look." He said with a smile. He always had that smile on.

Either it was a full smile or a half smile. It never left his face and it comforted you somehow. Maybe it was that you were his significant other, but you always wondered if anyone saw the same things as you. The things like his smile that never left his face.

"Yeah! I dont need to look at that." He waved his hand dismissing the comment away. He then sighed letting his shoulders relax as you saw his smile fade and his eyes close for a second and immediately put that small smile back on his face while his eyes were glossy, but bright.

He needed to end this stream soon. You saw his face fall then in a split second come back to life except his eyes were glossy with tears. You wondered if anyone else noticed.

"I want to please you

But I want to stay true to myself

I want to give you the night out that you deserve"

His eyes tearful as he tried to blink them away trying to not make a scene.

"Sorry! Allergies ugh!" He said as he wiped his tears away claiming them as allergies.

"Are you crying? No! Im not a pussy!" He yelled at his chat in a joking manner.

He was crying and he felt weak. He felt emotionally weak, and weak as in not strong, he didn't feel strong and his lover who was sitting on his bed with a concerned look on their face always told him that it's okay to feel weak. The only meaningful thing is how you pick yourself up, they always told him, bur now he felt at rock bottom.

He wanted to give his fans "himself", the goofy, lovable, loud, quick-witted, Quackity. But then again his lover always told him to separate Quackity from Alex. He wanted to give himself to his audience, he wanted to be authentic and share himself, but he cant. Alex isn't all laughs, he is serious, calmer, and when he gets on the screen is when he lets it all out then goes back to his more calmer self. That's not what they want.

"But I want to say what I think

And not care what you think about it"

Giving himself meant dialing back, he wants to tell how hes actually feeling, he wants to say what he thinks about Twitter, what he thinks about certain friends, about his fanbase, and then leave it alone. He wanted to delete social media and then speak his mind without knowing what anyone is saying about it. It was paradise to him, but of course it cant be that way and that's what he hates. He feels like a actor when he really wants to be himself.

"A part of me loves you,"

Alex loved his fanbase, he had such a supportive fanbase that loved his content. Some of them did atleast he didn't fully know, but they gave him the courage to do this time and time again knowing that his content is at least taking them from the harsh reality of real life for a few minutes or hours. This was the reason he did this, for them.

Alex would never admit this but they boosted his ego too, it would for anyone. The fact that there were people who wanted and enjoyed content from him made him feel good about himself.

"part of me hates you"

He hated the contant criticisms, he hates that they feed his ego so much that it makes him want to stream more to feel good about himself and to make people get away for awhile. Alex knew inside of his heart he couldn't truly hate his fanbase, they gave him everything he ever wanted. He hates them for that and that's such a scary thing. He never fails to wonder if he did the things to deserve all the love and hate he gets.

"Part of me needs you,"

They feed his ego, they make him want to go above and beyond. Alex knows that his fanbase is the reason he is here in this chair infront of three expensive monitors. He knows that this is some sort of a job that he needed. He needed the push to keep going and that was them, it was the 200k people watching his stream watching him answer questions about him and

"part of me fears you"

He was fearful of loosing himself to them. Loosing his authenticity to them was something he feared. He didnt want his funny, loud persona to consume him and make him forget about Alex instead of Quackity. He fears what they think as well, he claims he doesnt care, but he does he wants to please them. It feels like two parts of his brain fighting about if he should care or not.

"And I don't think that I can handle this right now"

The text-to-speech bot continued to speak out people's comments that theu paid for while he sat there quietly. He bit his bottom lip trying to not break down infront of everyone he needed to be strong. He needed to be strong.

If he looked up at the camera everyone would see his tears, they would see him breaking.

He played it off as he brough his shirt up to wipe the tears away, claiming it as sweat.

"Im good! Im sorry I spaced out for a second." He shook his head.

He saw you look at him with that same concerned look on your face. As he switched his gaze between you and his computer, he felt his tears come back again.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"Alex." You tried to get his attention.

"Yeah guys Im fine!"

"Alex"

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"I have plans later for another lore stream, so Ill start doing that later tonight."

"ALEX!" You yelled and his head turned around to face you.

"What?" He laughed, biting his lip again.

You couldn't stop him doing this, you could try to course him into going to bed, but right now you couldn't find the words. You just stared at him while he looked at you with a somber smile trying to tell you that he was okay.

He felt his mind telling himself that he need to rest. He wouldnt allow himself to and thats why he was breaking down.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

Alex was blinking rapidly trying to keep his breathing and tears at bay while he answered his fans.

"My allergies are fine! And I drank water today."

◇moonchild21: WE LOVE YOU

◇sopusand: Why do you look like that?

◇wuackityoo: are you crying??

"Crying is for the weak! I am a strong manly man! Im crying cause I noticed how alpha I am!" He tried to play it off as a "Im a man" joke but you could see right through it.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

You had sent a quick text to Alex which told him to end the stream for his own mental health, but he left the message unread. He began sniffing and the wiping his eyes again. It was a wreck and you couldn't seem to stop it without literally dragging him out of his chair.

Meanwhile the screens were getting to Alex. Alex's eyes were getting tired of the bright screens and the rapid messages that popped up on the screen overwhelmed him for what it seemed like the first time ever in his strraming career. He wanted to give them the fun night they deserved and wanted, but he knows it's getting hard to. He dosent know how long he can keep this up.

As Alex kept joking around about his eyes and physical state the chat was filled with "LMAO" and "HAHAHA" which fuled him more and then at the same time makes him want to stop.

Look at them, they're just staring at me, like

"Come and watch the skinny kid with a

Steadily declining mental health, and laugh as he attempts

To give you what he cannot give himself"

He cannot give himself the luxury of happiness. As he went on with his career it became more and more like a chore, there was mostly down days and of course there were up days, but recently Alex gave his fans the happiness and laughes they wanted while when he turned off the camera he couldn't replicate that same energy as he had before.

It messed him up, he felt himself become separated from his streaming. He wasn't being himself anymore he was being Quackity and that became more apparent as the days passed. He wanted to be himself on camera and at first thats what he thought he was doing. He was himself then it turned into a persona.

Alex wasn't okay and he he needed to take a break from the internet for a while, but he tries to act like he dosent have a dilemma going on inside of his head everytime he sits in this seat. Its for the fans.

"Think that I can handle this right-

I don't think that I can handle this right-

They don't even know the half of this right-

They don't even know the half of it"

"Alex you need to end the stream. Please?"

He looked towards you again where you moved your position from the middle of the bed to sitting up on the end of the bed.

"Ive told you millions of times." He paused for a moment looking down at his lap before looking back up to you. "Im-Im okay." He nodded trying to convince you.

"But I know I'm not a doctor, I'm a pussy, I put on a silly show

I should probably just shut up and do my job, so here I go"

"Cant you belive them!" He laughed to his camera. You scoffed at his comment but still kept an eye on him as he talked.

You didnt need to baby him at all, but right now you were worried about your lover.

Alex continued talking and talking, which you drowned out. You were focused on his face and how he faltered time to time just showing a small frown.

He laughed and showed them a good time even though he was hurting. He kept going and going and you were convinced he was going to hold out until you heard him sniff multiple times while trying to make a joke about the new Minecraft update and how the glow squid has no use.

"Stupid ass squid! Why- why? Its no use expect for glowing ink. Who voted for that!?"

You can tell them anything if you just make it funny, make it rhyme

And if they still don't understand you, then you run it one more time

"Dumbass squid!" He pulled up a picture if the squid as he yelled at it.

You began to worry even more as you saw tears running down his face. He quickly tried to wipe them away, but he knew everyone saw.

Handle this right

You don't even know the half of this right now

Right now (Haa!)

Now

Handle this right

I'll handle this right, I handle this right now

Alex leaned back in his seat and had a blank stare towards the monitor. Looked down for a second and then you heard sobbing coming from his spot. Alex had his head in his hands and was crying harshly into them.

He had finally broken, he couldn't stop the tears from coming and the loud sobs that came from his mouth. He was trying to desperately breathe in to be able to sob, but ended up hiccuping while doing so.

Your eyes widened as you rushed to him resting your hand on his knees and you kneeling infront of him.

"I cant do fu-fucking anything!" He yelled into his hands.

"Hey! I know. Its okay." You tried to console him.

"Its not I try so hard! And I-"

You cut him off. "You are a hard worker Alex and you deserve a week or two off. Take care of you self babe." You stood up bringing his hand with you and trying to make him stand up. He followed your movements and stood up with you putting his head on your shoulder crying into it.

"I just ca-cant right now!"

"You dont have to do anything right now babe."

"Im sorry!" Alex sobbed.

"Dont be." You said bluntly trying to get your lover to calm down.

You rubbed his back soothingly as he sniffled into your shoulder. "Im sorry for ruining your shirt." He tried to laugh through his tears.

"Dont be sorry! Please. You just need rest okay?" You kissed his forehead and he nodded in response.

Alex raised his head up an started to pepper kisses all over your face as you laughed. He gave you one last peck on the lips as he walked away to quickly change into night clothes. You smiled as he laid underneath the covers and continued to softly cry into his sheets. At least he was in bed and not makijg himself even worse.

He couldn't stop the tears from flowing, it was like a flood that could only be stopped with time. He felt like a boulder was lifted off his shoulders only to be replaced with smaller rocks. The smaller rocks was the guilt he held. He felt guilty of making his lover worry about him, he didnt want you to worry.

You rushed over to his desk and turned off the stream and his computers not even bothering to give them a goodnight or goodbye. After the computer lights were turned off it was quite dark in the room except for small light.

Finally you were where you wanted to be all day, in bed with Alex. But this wasnt the predicament you wanted.

"Forgive me. I just cant do shit right can I?" His eyes were still full of tears and he was getting tired.

"Alex dont listen to anyone but yourself." You tried to console him.

"That's what I'm telling myself."

Silence filled the room as you looked at him through tearful eyes of your own.

"Alex, you're so amazing and I cant even tell you how much I appreciate you, and how much you change my life. You do so much shit right its scary sometimes. Some days I think you're perfect, but there's-"

"There's no such thing as perfect." Alex finished your sentence.

"Exactly! Even the best people have their downfalls, they just dont show it. And Alex I know you struggle with that! All I can say is that I love you for you." You finished.

"Can I talk to you about my dilemmas?" He tried to laugh again.

"Tomorrow we can talk. We both need the rest." You said to him as he closed his eyes and nodded in response. He gave you a kiss on you lips before laying back down to sleep.

"Thank you."

"Thank you

Good night

I hope you're happy"

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[extremelyblackandwhite]

the unseen one - 25

 Pairing: Hades!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: y/n and bucky fight

A/N: ik braid sewing was way more popular in roman culture than in greek one but i personally love it and it’s probably the one way i can get my hair to stay put whenever i go on a run. hope you enjoy xx

Next Chapter

Y/N was homesick. 

Ever since the dinner all she could think about was the mortal realm, the sounds of rain hitting the glass of her window as she cuddled under her large duvet, her old kettle steaming from the hob, Anne’s laughter and countless tellings of various failed love attempts, the children in her kindergarten, all of it. This wasn’t to say she didn’t enjoy Bucky’s company, she loved it, she loved having him around but the thought of being confined here forever without ever getting to see at least her flat again terrified her. 

Another day had started in the Underworld and per usual Bucky was the first up on his feet and out to prepare the Spring Festival necessities while Y/N was left behind. There wasn’t much to do rather than ever so slightly meeting with Hecate who had started to just plain ignore her existence whenever she visited the Elysium, speaking with Psyche whenever she unceremoniously was thrown into the Underworld by her mother in law and walk the river Styx’s shores. Y/N had returned to the kitchen, placing James’ kettle on the stove and grabbing a mug as she sat on the balcony, losing herself on her own thoughts and only being removed from it by the kettle steaming out of control. She jumped from the balcony feeling her feet weirdly tingle, which was ignored fast as she grabbed the white mug and the kettle, pouring hot water onto it. The weight of it proved somehow to be too much for her and before she could act on it, she let go of the mug, loosing strength in her hand and the once silent atmosphere was filled by the shattering sound of porcelain. 

     - Shit. - she mumbled as she leaned down to grab the big shards, putting them on top of the balcony, before bracing her hands on the edge of it, forcefully shutting her eyes. One of the servants, alarmed by the sound, came rushing in, immediately grabbing a mop and brush. - It’s alright, I can clean it. 

    - We don’t want you to hurt yourself, m’am. - the man smiled at her before dismissing her from the kitchen. Y/N climbed up to her bedroom, getting dressed in a regular beige dress before going out of the house, basket in arms. She thought about collecting some plants for the house and so she made her way to the Elysium. 

The sound and smell of nature at its bloom immediately brought a smile back to her face. Some trees had begin to show its fruits and most of the flowers were in bloom. She collected some flowers and fruits before taking a seat on one patch of grass watching the souls carelessly live their life. However one particular soul caught her attention. 

    - Mum? - she furrowed her brows, lips slightly parted as she got onto her feet watching a figure that looked particular like her mother. - Mum! 

She dropped her basket, bunching the fabric of her dress in her hands as she rushed over to the figure. It was her mother, it looked like her mother, the same hair, the same eyes and the same warming smile she got whenever she rushed into her bedroom after a terrifying nightmare as a child. Her mother however looked at her like she didn’t know her, turning on her back to join some other souls.

    - Mum! - Y/N called out once again but her mother only ignored her and soon enough she could feel her tears rolling down her cheek. - Mum, please

    - Y/N. - a familiar voice called out her name. She turned around to see the redhead goddess of witchcraft with a worried look on her face, she could even say care. - She doesn’t remember you, Y/N. Elysium souls have no recollection of their mortal lives. 

    - But she’s my mum. How can she not know who I am? - Hecate’s heart clenched at the words that sounded way too similar to those once spoken by James once he became the King of the Underworld. She tightened her lips, patting the girl on her shoulder and handing her the basket she had previously dropped.

    - We should probably go meet Hades. - she put her other hand on her shoulder, successfully removing her from here she was standing and taking her to the path that led to where she had least seen James which was in the Fates domain within the Elysium. The Fates’ side of the Elysium was always something rather odd, even for Hecate. Y/N watched as they passed halls and halls of name boxes with several coloured orbs.

    - What are those? - she pointed to the orbs that were inside the box containing James’ name, her curiosity perking up. 

   - Memory orbs. The Fates control and keep every single memory experienced by a god or mortal, I’ve heard their colour determine what type of memory. 

   - I think I wanna look around. - Y/N stated and Hecate stopped to pounder. She probably would be able to find the god of the dead quicker if Y/N wasn’t stopping every inch of the way to question about something that sparked her interest. 

   - Okay but stay here, don’t go wandering off! - she sternly said before going off her way to find James. Y/N watched as her figure disappeared in the hall and immediately rushed to James box, carefully pushing it out onto her arms and then onto the floor. Her eyes shined as she looked at the pretty colours flow inside the orbs, a special red one calling for her attention. Y/N knew she shouldn’t pick it, she shouldn’t be curious, these were James’ memories and she shouldn’t be lurking on them but her curiosity got the best of her and she immediately grabbed the red orb. What she wasn’t expecting was the sudden feeling on her left arm, almost feeling it being teared off which made her drop the orb onto the ground. Hand flying to hold her left arm as the orb rolled a bit away from her, flashes of someone screaming Bucky’s name and the harsh feeling of cold snow and sorrow rushing through her as if they were her memory. She stared at it, unbelieving to what had just happened and to the pain that had lodged itself on her left arm yet nothing was harming her and no injury was seen in sight. 

   - Y/N? - she heard James’ voice and immediately tried to place the orb back on its box which only made the pain return which in turn made her drop the orb once again. In no time James’ had localised her, his eyes going from the box with his name and the red orb on the floor to Y/N’s laying against the shelf of boxes, her hand holding onto her left shoulder. His lips tightened as he crutched down to where she was laying. - What are you doing?

   - I saw my mum. - she decided to sway the topic but the one she had swayed to somehow hurt her. - She didn’t know me. 

   - Don’t take it personally, sunflower. - he kissed her temple, flesh hand coming to caress her cheek. - It happens to everyone. My parents, my sister, even my friend don’t remember who I am.

   - Why? Why do you make them forget if they’re in paradise?

   - I guess the memory of leaving their loved ones in the mortal realm pains them too much. Would work more like a punishment. 

   - What about you? Isn’t that punishment to you too?

   - No, sunflower. I remember them all.

   - That’s not what I mean ... they don’t remember you. - she leaned her head against the bookcase, staring into his blue eyes. - Isn’t that too harsh of a punishment for a god?

   - The only punishment is being alive, sunflower. Not forgetfulness, not remembering, it’s still being alive after so long.

   - James ... - she took her hand way from her shoulder to cup his cheek, caressing it ever so slightly. She brought her face closer to him, lightly pecking his lips. 

   - We should go, this is no place for you. - he cleared his throat, getting up from his sitting position and offering her his hand. She however did not take it, still feeling the ghost pain in her left arm. - It’s not real, Y/N. You are okay.

   - I can feel it. - she looked up through her lashes at him. - What happened?

   - It’s not important.

   - Why do you always do that? - she knew she shouldn’t be mad, heck he should be the one mad at her but with all that had happened today so far, something in her snapped. - Why do you always tell me it’s not important when it clearly is? Don’t you trust me?

   - Of course I do, sunflower. You just don’t need to know about my past, it’s irrelevant. 

   - Is that memory the one of how you lost your arm? - she pressed him, looking away from his arm to the orb. - Is that what happened? 

   - Y/N, don’t question me. Come up. 

   - You are not the boss of me. - she ignored the hand he had offered to her, instead holding onto one of the shelf’s wooden bars and getting up by herself, storming off. 

   - Y/N, stop. - Bucky took the tone he normally took with his employees which immediately made her stop and turn to look at him before storming off again in a huff. - Y/N, cut it off. Damn it, I’m ordering you to stop. 

   - You’re not ordering me to do anything. You’re not my King and you will not talk to me as if you were. 

   - There is a lot of stuff that you don’t understand, Y/N. 

   - Then explain it to me. - she almost begged him. 

   - I cant.

   - Why not?

   - BECAUSE YOU WOULDN’T LOVE ME IF I FUCKING DID, Y/N. - he held her forearms, looking at her with what looked like tears starting to accumulate near the corner of his eyes, ready to roll down his cheeks. - You don’t know half of it and if you did you wouldn’t have spoken to me.

   - I would. 

   - No, you ...

   - I know you were the Winter Soldier. - she blurted out casually, almost as if she was talking about the weather. Truth was she knew, after he had told her about Steve it didn’t take long for the memories of when she went to the museum to hit her. She knew an abbreviated form of the story, not exactly what he’d been through, but she knew. Bucky was taken aback by her statement, blue eyes wide staring at her. - I know you were the Winter Soldier and I love you.

Bucky was still staring at her, eyes fully wide as his brain still processed those words. She knew. Well, of course she knew, it wasn’t like she hadn’t grown up in the new age of superheroes. She just, she just didn’t appear to be the type of woman to care much for that. Yet there she was, arms crossed across her chest, calm complexion. 

   - Say something. - she bite onto her lip nervously. She let go of her crossed arm position, slowly padding towards him, her hand trailing from his metal one to his shoulder, fingers dancing on the place where metal met flesh. - Please. 

   - What do you want me to say? - he leaned his head on her touch, thoughts running through his mind of how his fellow deities would react to him being this submissive to a mortal of no god birth or immortal blood. - Because I sincerely don’t know what to tell you, Y/N. 

    - Do you wanna tell me how it happened? I know how it felt and I’d rather hear it from you.

   - Not today. - he kissed the top of her head. - I will, just not today. 

Y/N left Bucky to do his work despite his complaints of wanting to be with her after seeing her mother. She knew better about not messing with the Spring Festival which was fast approaching. The sooner it got, the least she saw of James with all the preparations and meeting with Zeus that Bucky wouldn’t let her hear or even be nearby. Soon enough, it was only one day until the Spring Festival and Hecate had invited her to be with her nymphs for the opening ceremony, something she had been rather excited over as that meant she wouldn’t have to mingle with the rest of the gods and goddesses who mostly did not enjoy her presence or the fact she was with the King of the Underworld. 

Y/N excitingly opened the box Hecate had delivered to James’ home in the early morning, happy to see what she was wearing. Following what the Charon and other nymphs had discussed with her, every nymph wore a colour and a flower in order to honour the goddess of spring and the harvest. As she removed the protective silk paper from the gown, she noticed her colour was white and in a smaller box near the dress was a hair crown of white roses. She guessed it made sense, considering the flower seemed to haunt her.

The day couldn’t come sooner and much to Bucky’s dismay Y/N was out the door in the morning, box in hand and headed to the Elysium, specially Persephone’s groves. All the nymphs were getting ready, laughter and song in the air along with various flowers thrown on the floor giving the dead nature of the grooves some sort of happiness. 

Y/N took to getting herself dressed before taking a place in one of the free vanities to do her hair. She looked around looking at the nymphs happily pining, curling and sewing their hair away in unbelievably hard hairstyles. Y/N tried her best to pull her hair up only to sigh and lean against her chair. 

       - I’ll give you hand. - Hecate walked from behind her, her stoic look still present on most her features as she grabbed the silver brush from the vanity. Y/N understood why Hecate wasn’t a fan of her, she, after all, was extremely passionate over her domains and protecting everything. 

      - Thank you. - she watched her reflection in the mirror as Hecate divided her hair in two and braided each section. Following, she grabbed a needle and white yarn, sewing the two braids together and upwards in what looked like a singular double braid that now wrapped itself around the lower part of her head from ear to ear. Hecate placed the brush on the vanity grabbing the crown of fresh white roses and placing it upon her head.

     - You’re all set. Come on. - Hecate rushed her to walk into where the celebrations were to set place. In the middle of the beautiful greenery there was a porcelain mast with various coloured ribbons which was started to being surrounded by various deities. - All the nymphs of the Underworld get a coloured ribbon the same as their gown and dance around the mast, wrapping the ribbon around it until it snaps. The ribbon that doesn’t snap is decided maiden of the harvest and gets to crown someone to be her consort with their own flower crown. The pair gets the first dance.

      - Oh, I’m a terrible dancer.

      - You probably won’t get it. You’d have to be greatly in favour of Gaia in order to get it. - she tightened her lips. - However, in the slightest chance you get the honour of being chosen maiden, remember to pick Apollo, Priapus even. Any of the gods related to the act of love and beauty will suffice, it’s good to be in their graces.

Y/N stood in line with the other nymphs, her eyes scouting the crowd for her Bucky, but it was him who found her first, watching from afar as some minor gods spoke of various new achievements and demigods they’re fathered. However, now that he had spotted her, he was much more interested in looking at her unless of listening to them. He watched as she scurried around like a nervous little nymph to the mast, grabbing the white ribbon and finally took in her whole appearance, judging her to be officially the prettiest of all living things. Hecate ordered Apollo and his muses to start the sweet music that filled Elysium’s air which made the nymphs and Y/N start to go around the pole. 

Her eyes left the pole for a few seconds, watching as every single god and goddess of the Greek pantheon watched in awe before immediately turning to look at the pole, watching the pink and purple ribbons snap away causing some disgruntled noises for a few moments. One by one most ribbons snapped away until hers and a blue one were the only ones standing. Y/N sighed, ready to go back to James, expecting her to be the next one to snap until the sound of ripping fabric removed her from her thoughts. However, instead of seeing her own arm freed from the ribbon, she watched as the last blue ribbon laid on the ground and her own still tightly wrapped around her wrist. 

She quickly unwrapped the ribbon of her wrist, quickly massaging it before bringing both hands to take her own rose crown off her head as she stared at the crowd in front of her like a deer in headlights. A few gods cleared their throats, smirks on their faces, clearly expecting the honour to be bestowed upon them. Hecate’s words rang like heavy bells in her head but she was never one to follow them and soon enough she found herself walking towards the exact and only person she knew would be worth such bestowment. Next to him, stood Ares and Zeus who quite conceitedly took a step forward only to wide their eyes as the mortal woman who had just been chosen by Gaia’s forces to be the maiden of the harvest placed her white rose crown confidently upon the head of the God of the Underworld.

     - Now, what about that. - she could hear the goddess of love and beauty mumble under her breathe, somehow being the only deity not surprised by the odd choice. How ironic the maiden of the harvest had picked someone who did not even harvest the souls he ruled over. James rather surprisingly took her hand in his, guiding her to the middle of the circle the gods had created, turning his body to face hers. 

     - I can’t dance. - she whispered under her breath, ashamed anyone but him could hear it. 

     - I can dance well enough for both of us, sunflower.

tag list: @philogrobizedvee​​​​​​  @keithseabrook27​​​​​ @inlovewith3​​​​19 @nwbstan​ @romanoffs-heart​

[a-lonely-tatertot]

Kiss me like it isn’t allowed

Pairing: Keefitz

Word Count:  3111

Warnings: Underage drinking (briefly mentioned), cursing, and internalized homophobia 

A/N: There’s a happy ending I swear, Fitz is just a repressed gay and doesn’t like feelings, I also know nothing about laser tag so sue me. And thanks to @bookwyrminspiration

The night it all started was normal. Keefe sprawled on Fitz’s bed, staring at the ceiling lost somewhere in a world of thought. “I wonder what it’s like to kiss someone,” Keefe said to no one in particular. 

Fitz looked up startled, “Didn’t you kiss my sister once?”

“She turned her head!” He put his hands up in defense. “I meant like, kiss someone for real.”

“Come back to me when you have an answer,” Fitz sighed indifferently. He never really understood the gain there was to smashing mouths together and moving them around. He hadn’t realized Keefe had moved to sit criss cross in front of him until he pulled away his book. “Hello to you too,” he said. Keefe’s ears were pink against his pale hair.

“What if- if you wanted to- maybe we- I could- uh,” he swallowed, eyes darting everywhere. Fitz smiled a bit.

“Spit it out, buddy.”

“CanIkissyou?” Fitz’s brain short-circuited, and Keefe began to fidget, playing with his hands like he would die if he didn’t. Purely out of impulse and not thinking straight, Fitz surged forward his forehead smacking into Keefe’s. “Ow,” he groaned.

“That definitely could’ve gone better,” Keefe laughed weakly. Before he could grab the book again and hide behind the pages, soft hands ghosted his face. Oh, he thought, realizing what he agreed to.

“This still okay?” he asked softly. His hands fell gently on Fitz’s cheeks. They were light, barely there, waiting to be refused. 

A breathy, “Yes,” was all Keefe needed to press their lips softy together. 

There weren’t any fireworks as Fitz’s eyes fluttered closed and pushed back slightly. There wasn’t anything grandiose about it, it was sloppy and messy. There was only this: Fitz’s vague thought of Oh, as the air was stolen out of his lungs by Keefe’s soft irreversible touch.

Eventually Keefe pulled away, panting slightly. He chased him for a quick second, quickly realizing that his hands had left with his mouth. So it went, Fitz winding up the courage to put his hands in his hair, his eyes widening at the sudden touch but leaned into it. So it went, hands, mouths, hair.

When it’s over he watched Keefe leave. Frizzy hair, flushed cheeks, and swollen lips. Some part of him realized that he had done that. A dopey grin took over his face.

But his small paradise shattered the moment Keefe closed the door and someone else opened it. By harsh words and stern looks. His father said it wasn’t okay, that if he wanted to matter the kiss couldn’t matter. So the next day he doesn’t let it change things and he tried to miss the way Keefe stared after him. It doesn’t matter, because he mattered.

-

His heart was in his ears as he moved through the warehouse. A shout rang out to his left followed by a buzz signaling that someone was out on his team. He filed that somewhere in the back of his mind as he hid behind a wall. If he could just spot someone- There! Tam was running between two walls- 

“Hey, Princey,” whispered Keefe, right as he was about to pull the trigger. And just like that, his concentration was gone and so was Tam.

“Dammit,” he breathed, lowering the gun. Fitz tried to ignore Keefe, he was supposed to be helping his team. That couldn’t happen if he thought about the annoyingly persistent boy next to him. They did this often, the group finding themselves more often at the old warehouse converted to a laser tag company. It was known that Fitz was the best shot, his aim was unmatched by the others. Most of the time he found himself like this: behind a wall, or on top of something, trying to hit the people running in and out between the walls.

He watched the layout for a bit and tried to not think about Keefe’s heavy gaze on him (keyword: tried, he didn’t succeed). A flash of blue and his finger was on the trigger, firing. There was that familiar tension in his chest, waiting for the light to turn blue and the buzzer to go off-

And it didn’t. “Having some problems there?” Keefe teased. 

“Uh, yeah, you,” Fitz responded flatly. His eyes stayed on the field even though he knew it’d be useless. As he fell deeper into his thoughts he saw Keefe’s vest, blue. The beginning of an idea formed when Keefe gently wrapped a hand around his wrist. Don’t tense don’t tense-

Keefe let out a soft laugh, “Your pulse is racing.”

“Oh?” Fitz was barely even thinking about what left his mouth, his mind somewhere else. “Maybe it’s cause of how close you are.” He was close, Fitz could feel his breath brushing his cheek. “Maybe I want you closer.”

A small blush spread across his face, rising to the tips of his ears and racing down his neck. In one quick move, Fitz laced his fingers through Keefe’s and spun them around and pinned Keefe against the wall he was hiding behind. “Hey.” 

Keefe stared at him, wide-eyed. “This was not how I expected this to go,” he said finally. Fitz chuckled.

Keefe leaned in slightly and Fitz didn’t stop him, nor did he when Keefe kissed him. It was messy and slow like the first time and every bit as distracting. Some part of him knew that he should probably shoot him right then, it would be so easy and he wouldn’t see it coming-

There was the soft click of the trigger and the buzzer went off in the distance. Fitz didn’t notice, he was too focused on the feeling of Keefe pulling away. “You shouldn’t let yourself get distracted so easily Fitzy,” he said, a smirk pulling at his mouth. The tips of his ears were pink as ran off, there was a hit of sadness in his eyes when he looked back once more.

“What the fuck,” he whispered to the wall.

-

9. He ran, laughter barely held in. 8. He spun around the corner, wide empty hallway in front of him. 7. Don’t slow down, he thought, destination already in mind. 6. Quieter this time as he swung the closet door open. 5- “Well this is ironic,” said Keefe, his voice next to his ear. Fitz forgot how to breathe.

“Don’t pass out on my account Fitzy,” Keefe chuckled.

“What’re you doing here?”

“Hiding, though I think you’re a bit better at that than me.”

“Oh just shut it,” Fitz grumbled. “Can you scoot over?”

Before he could as again, Keefe’s hand covered his mouth and the other gripped his side. In a second, he had turned them and pressed Fitz into the back of the closet. A squeak escaped his mouth before he could stop it. 

“I didn’t think you’d be so noisy,” Keefe whispered, his voice a warm breath on Fitz’s lips. Without his permission, his eyes found Keefe’s mouth. Like he’d been waiting for it, Keefe leaned in a bit and he dimly realized he would have to be on his toes. 

“We shouldn’t,” he breathed, regretting the words as soon as it was out.

“Okay.” Keefe leaned back into the wall, eyebrows furrowed, eyes trained on the floor. Fitz found he couldn’t move his gaze; that he didn’t want to.

So he didn’t. His eyes traced the way his eyebrows furrowed, the smooth curve of his nose, the sharp lines of his clenched jaw. With a sudden burst of confidence, he placed a hand above Keefe’s head and leaned in.

“What, Princey?” Keefe said with a growl.

“Kiss me,” it was a challenge. A shot in the dark. A make or break. And even as Keefe’s eyes narrowed, he wasn’t gonna say no.

When he thought about it later, his father’s disapproving look burned it’s way into Fitz’s mind. He wanted to cry because why did it have to be wrong? Why did it feel right? 

In the end his father’s words won as the sick feeling found home in his stomach because of a single text.

11:30pm

Fitz: We cant do that again

1:05am

Keefe: Okay.

-

The stars filled the sky. “They’re like pimples,” Keefe laughed, his voice soft, words slurred.

“What?” Fitz asked, rolling on his side. It was mesmerizing watching Keefe look at the stars. He got this look in his eyes, sometimes he would tell Fitz what he was thinking. Others, he would pass meaningless jokes, and on the worst days, he would sit, and stare, and drink so much he passed out on the roof.

“The sky has acne,” he giggled a bit and threw back another swig. 

“I think they’re freckles, freckles are better than pimples,” Fitz sighed, alcohol seeping into his words. They came out here on bad nights. If their dads were rough all it took was a call. If school was hard, they’d ditch it all. Tonight, Fitz hadn’t even had to specify. On the second tone, Keefe picked up and responded, “I’ve been waiting for you to say that.”

“Keefe only hummed in vague recognition. He jumped down, hitting the ground with a soft thud and slide in the driver’s seat to turn up the music. When he climbed back up there was something else in his eyes. The beat thrummed through the car, matching the quick pace of Fitz’s heart. “If you’re gonna say something, say it,” he whispered into the tentative silence. 

“Can I kiss you?” There was a rushed ask, a careful impulsive decision in his voice, he didn’t know if it was the beer or just Keefe.

Stop. His heart, his breathing, the beat. “Pardon?” Start. 

“Like the other night, can I kiss you?” The other night. The words he had carelessly thrown out, the way he could feel Keefe’s shattered heart through his simple ‘Okay.’ The other night was not something he wanted to repeat. But he was drunk and he shouldn’t be thinking and all he could think of was Keefe. He already knew the answer before it left Fitz’s mouth. 

“Yeah.”

And there was that feeling again, the one he had told himself he would never feel again. The intensity, the openness, screw the stars this was so much better. There was an air of forbiddenness to it, Alden had said no to both these nights and the kisses, so was it really different? Out there, the woods, the car, the beat edging everything in them on, Keefe’s mouth moving on his, it wasn’t allowed; Fitz had never wanted anything more. 

-

He was warm, it was all warm. Hard and solid, but comfortable. He was laying on something that felt more like home than any pillow ever did. It was steady. Keefe, something told him. 

It doesn’t mean anything, he responded automatically, and he hated himself for it. It didn’t, it couldn’t. Yet some part of him wanted it to, some part that was quickly growing bigger. He shoved the thought away as another wave of drowsiness hit.

-

It wasn’t warm, it was very cold. “Took you long enough Princey,” Keefe said, “You know it was a pain in the ass hauling you in here. If you weren’t such a bitch when you wake up hungover, I might’ve made you do it yourself.”

He chuckled lightly and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. When memories of the night before came racing back, he shoved them out. He couldn’t, he wasn’t allowed, it was a mistake. It meant nothing, he repeated like a mantra. 

The drive back was normal. The radio playing steadily, talking about meaningless things. They didn’t bring up last night. But they should and Fitz knew it. Keefe was tense, his hands on the steering wheel were tighter than they need to be, his back was slumped, and tightness gripped his words. He wanted to ignore it. He wanted to be oblivious to the telltales. You’re the reason, a nasty voice said. You broken thing.

“Look,” Keefe said turning off the car. “We need to talk.”

“Do we?”

“I know you’re not big on feelings and all that-”

“We were drunk okay? We’re teenagers it’s normal, it doesn’t change anything.”

Keefe let out a helpless breath and stared at him with wide eyes. He wanted to take it all back, he wanted to fix the broken expression Keefe wore but he couldn’t, he couldn’t.

“It was no different from the others,” he said finally.

“You can’t kiss me like that and say it means nothing!” There were tears in his eyes, and Fitz was falling apart from the inside out, staring at him.

“It didn’t, Keefe.” He opened the door.

“Then don’t expect to mean anything to me.”

Somehow he still knew how to rip him up with a single sentence. It didn’t matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t forget Keefe’s words. He couldn’t forget Keefe.

-

It’s so cold. There’s ice under his skin, eating him up inside. As soon as he stepped inside it all came crashing down. Because he couldn’t forget Keefe. Keefe and the weight of his mouth. Keefe, his best friend since they were kids. Keefe and his thoughts, his idea,s his everything. He couldn’t forget his dopey smile when he agreed the first time only two weeks before. How he threaded his fingers through Fitz’s hair. His raspy voice, the way he only looks at peace with a pencil in his hands. How his confidence was a facade crafted by years of hurting. And there was that bubbling feeling that burned his throat as the rest of him froze with regret. So he screamed and yelled, his voice a release of the flames scorching him from the inside. He didn’t give a damn who heard him.

Time passed, but he paid no attention. He didn’t know how long he was there. Angry and bitter and pissed. He screamed until his throat went dry and his voice was a whisper. Until his eyes hurt from the tears and he didn’t have any left in him. And he was finally as empty as he should’ve been.

Clap. Clap. Clap.

 Biana stood in the doorway. “Wow, what happened here?”

“Screw off, Bi,” he muttered.

“It’s Keefe isn’t it?” At the mention of his name Fitz rolled over and groaned into his pillow. He knew the drill at this point. He was an open book to Biana and there was no point in hiding it. So he explained. From the beginning, every stupid kiss that made his stomach twist. When he finally finished, she let out a low whistle.

“You messed up big time buddy,” she said solemnly. 

“Thank you for stating the obvious.”

“You’re quite welcome. Do you know what I think? I think you’re in love with him.”

“What?” The worst part was, it made sense.

“You love him and you know it,” she said with a smirk. “You’re just burying all of it cause of Dad.”

Everything clicked into place, the puzzle that was Keefe Sencen finally made sense. He didn’t know how he hadn’t gotten it. Before he knew it he was in the car, starting on the hour drive to Elwin’s, Biana next to him, the siblings grinning like idiots.

Biana’s phone almost buzzed itself off the dash startling both of them.

“It’s the Team,” she smiled, “This’ll be fun.”

“Why the hell is your after school club calling?” Fitz asked, incredulous. She didn’t respond, only answered the phone on speaker.

“We owe Dex twenty dollars,” Sophie said solemnly.

“I thought Wylie was closer,” Biana responded.

“No, I was last week,” said Wylie dejectedly.

“You had too much faith in the idiots,” he could hear Dex’s smirk through the phone.

“What’re you all talking about?” he asked finally speaking up.

“We bet on you dumbass,” Biana said not a hint of sympathy in her voice. “Turn here.”

“Where are you guys going?” Stina’s voice betraying how interested she was. 

“To Elwin’s so Fitzy here can dramatically confess his love, I’ll give y’all the details after,” Biana said hanging up. As he stared at the blue door of Elwin’s it all came crashing down on him.

“Dad’s not gonna like this,” he whispered, finding it harder to breathe. 

“Hey,” Biana said, forcefully grabbing his shoulders. There was that stubborn determination in her eyes that he had seen so many times before. “You get the boy, let me handle dad.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” he swallowed hard.

“Now go get ‘em, tiger.”

Well, that was the plan. As he walked up to the door he wondered if he should have flowers or an apology or where to even start. Turns out he didn’t have to worry about it. Because Keefe wasn’t home.

“Do you know where he is?” he asked, trying to keep the desperation out of his voice.

“It’s a clear night, where do you think?” Elwin said with a small smile. “He’s been out all day.”

“Shit,” he cursed. Of course, he was so stupid!

“Hey, language,” Elwin laughed.

“Thanks, sir,” he spun on his heel and ran back to the car. 

Biana didn’t say anything as he hightailed it out of the driveway, driving way too fast for a neighborhood. 

The woods weren’t far, he was lucky it wasn’t another hour. Yet when he found himself confronted by trees, he wanted more time. “What do I say?” he asked.

“Whatever your heart does.”

“My hearts going in every direction, it’s not used to being needed.”

“There’s a direction,” she said with a small laugh, “take it.”

So he did. The winding path was practically burned into his memory. The sun had set, he didn’t remember when. The stars were appearing as he found Keefe on the roof of his car, that same look in his eyes.

“What’re you thinking?” he asked, voice so quiet he didn’t know if Keefe had heard.

“I’m thinking,” Keefe said, eyes still trained on the sky. “There's a boy. And I think he's lying to himself. I think he's scared of his dad and doesn't understand his feelings. A boy who gets so angry and hates himself for it. I think he's angry for being different. I think he regrets it but doesn't know how to say it,” Keefe jumped down and locked eyes with him. “There's a boy, and I know him. And I think he knows me. And i really don't wanna be wrong.”

“I think you’re right.”

“Prove it.”

“Kiss me,” Fitz said. One more challenge.

“No,” He shook his head. “You’ve brushed that off enough times.”

“Then how?” 

“You kiss me.”

And Fitz couldn’t say no to Keefe. 

[txthearteu]

extra long tag game (aka a tmi that no one particularly cares for)

tagged by @soobindipity​ 🥰 thank you bb 😌❤️

tagging @btxtreads​​ @choisoobinie​​ @unlocktxt​​ @bffsoobin (this one is long so feel free not to do it ahahahaksksksks)

note: i found the breakers somewhere here in tumblr but i forgot who the owner is, so full credits to whoever owns these breakers

ONE

tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

of course it’s their debut song Crown. I have to admit, I listened to them not because i discovered them but because of the whole “bighit is releasing another boy group” fiasco. people thought the hype would die down, i did too, but to this day the boys never failed me. they consistently made me happy with the content they gave out for everyone to enjoy. also adding, i think i’m attracted to them more (compared to their seniors) since they’re around my age– something in which i feel like i can relate to (in terms of the content they put out, or the jokes, etc)

TWO

rule: answer the ten questions and write your own!

what’s your unrealistic goal for life?

becoming a music artist (pop star) 😔

if you had known that we would be in a global pandemic, what’s one thing that you would’ve done before things shut down (if they have for you)?

travel to Japan and explore the place 😩

what’s an unconventional thing that you carry around with you when you go out?

chopsticks hahahahaha because i usually eat using the spoon and fork when i eat out 

favourite type of plushies and why?

anything twotuckgom related! they’re so soft and convenient because of the size. i also kinda wanna buy the bolsters 👀

favourite song right now?

i don’t have any but if you ask what i’ve been jamming to i’d say its city girls by chris brown

something that you’ve always wanted to learn?

producing music, japanese, korean, hacking 

tell a funny story about yourself (or just something that you’ve witnessed)

so in the city where i live, there are places in which the canals don’t have any stoppers. i saw this kid walking with his family alongside these canals and he was just vibing with the song he was singing to. he was so into the song he was singing that he missed a step and he kinda slipped and fell in to the canal (don’t worry though there weren’t any serious injuries) and i swear it was a funny sight 

headphones or speakers? why?

headphones! when the opportunity is present then i’d listen to my music with no outside noise

craving any food right now? what are you craving?

corndogs 👀

which music streaming platform do you prefer? why?

spotify since i’m on spotify family 

😌✌️

questions from eri to me:

what’s the best trip/vacation you’ve ever had?

the vacation i had in Japan last year! 10 days never felt so short in my life and i was planning to go back earlier this year but you know...’rona....

do you have any random fears/phobias? if yes, what are they?

i’m the toughest gal everyone knows but i get really creeped out by butterflies or bugs. i also get scared with inanimate objects that look like a human being when it’s laying still in the dark, i’m scared of mirrors as well HAHA.

weirdest food you’ve ever eaten?

worms

do you have any hidden talents? what can you do?

i can curl my tongue into what seems to resemble a three-leafed clover. i can also mimic voices well and, from what my friends said, i could actually dance well and im super fast in picking up choreography hahaha (ok but it’s what they said okay)

what is an activity you’d like to try out someday?

biking/hiking/camping :> 

when did you get your first phone and what type of phone was it?

i think it was back in 4th grade and it was the famous nokia 3310 

what is a movie you never get tired of watching?

flipped!

biggest pet peeve?

 i absolutely get annoyed when someone tries to rush me and by the time i’m ready, they haven’t readied themselves

earliest childhood memory?

i put sand in this ice-cream-cone-looking rock, and i ate the sand thinking it tasted like ice cream

as a child, what did you want to be? what about now?

a music artist (pop star), until now that’s still my dream but unfortunately, i had to be “practical” 

✌️😌

questions from me to you:

android or apple? why?

words of affirmation or physical affection? why?

bean bag or rocking chair? why?

do you view a half-filled glass as half-full or half-empty or an in-between? why? (go as deep as you can)

if someone were to grant your wish right now, what would it be and why?

if someone were to give you anything you want right now, what would it be and why? (something that can be held)

favorite season and why

what made you enter tumblr?

are you happy with where you are in life right now? why or why not?

to see the boys in real life but for it to happen only once in your lifetime, or to meet the boys via online fan meeting as many times as you can in your lifetime? why?

THREE

rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people

.

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆͙̈

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

FOUR

PERSONAL

name: -

nickname: cj

birthday: oct 12

zodiac: libra

nationality: filipino

languages: english, filipino (and my dialect), lil teeny bit or korean and japanese kskskskksks

gender: female

sexuality: straight

height: 5'1 and a half (spare me the half pls im trying to act tall)

BLOG STUFF

inspiration for muse: --

meaning behind my url: to put it simply, i love txt

blog established: start of quarantine

followers: 43 lovely followers! 

FAVORITES

favourite animals: do you know cat and dog?

favourite books: anarchy by styleslegend (swear i've been hyping it since my 1d days) ; the tale of heidi by johanna spyri

favourite colour: yellow/brown/black (can’t choose)

favourite fictional characters: hulk, hinata shoyo, tomoe (from kamisama kiss)

favourite flower: i don’t have any ahahahhaha

favourite scent: mens perfume/deoderant

favourite season: spring

RANDOM

average hours of sleep: 6-9

cats or dogs: (i love them both but i really love dogs but i just wanna hug them both because i love both cats and dogs)

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: coffee is my go to energizer, for some chill time i’d go for hot choco

current time: 22:34

dream trip: japan(again)/australia/europe 😩

dream job: music artist 😔

hobbies: playing instruments [violin piano ukelele sometimes guitar and drums], listening to music, writing songs, beatboxing

hogwarts house: slytherin 

last movie watched: oh dear god i cant remember HAHA

last song listened to: bbibbi by iu

no. of blankets you sleep with: 1

random fact(s): if given the chance again, i’d combine mint choco and bubblegum ice cream; when i’m bored i try to re-read all my past lessons AHAHAHAHAHA; currently in a 5-year relationship akshsskskssjsjduskgkad

FIVE

10 things I can’t stop listening to

city girls - chris brown, young thug

angel or devil - tomorrow by together

paradise - bts

zombie - day6

see you again - tyler the creator, kali uchis

dally - hyolyn, gray

love - kendrick lamar, zacari

redemption (with babes wodumo) - kendrick lamar, zacari

pyramids - frank ocean

all in - monsta x

[itsthestutterforme]

Teaching (Alec Lightwood)

Since I came into town, I've been having awkward interactions with Alec. The first time we met, he basically saw me dancing around Magnus' house in my bra and underwear. Mind you, I'm Magnus' sister but I'm comfortable with my body. Alec thought something else and nearly popped a vein in his head.

A few days later, Alec slept over again without me knowing. I was baking some cupcakes with my headphones in. My favorite song came on and I started twerking, right in front of Alec. Since then, I've just been staying in my room and microwaving things fully clothed and normal.

"Hey, is Magnus here?" Alec asks as I pull my ramen out of the microwave. "Uh, no, he went out." Alex sighs and I add, "Trouble in paradise?" "When is it not? I always seem to mess things up." "A relationship with no fights and disagreements is impossible. It's how you handle them that matters."

"I'm.. I'm not good at displaying your emotions." "I would say me too, but I think that's more of a Shadowhunter thing. We all have something we need to improve on. "Oh really? Okay, what do you need to improve on?" "I.. can't trust people all that well. I can't 100% trust anyone besides Mag and because of that, I have no friends and can't keep a long term relationship."

"Wow, I thought you were going to say something along the lines of I'm not that attractive. That was a lot deeper than I anticipated." "It's the truth. Over the centuries, people in general have disappointed me more times than I can count. So I just stopped letting them in."

"But moving onto your boyfriend problems. What did you do with your other boyfriends," "I don't have other boyfriends," "You-- are you-- that makes so much more sense." "What's that suppose to mean?" "That explains why you're so tense and rigid. It's like you don't know how to relax."

"I know how to relax," "Prove it then," I watch as Alec tries to sit down and say, "That's your way of relaxing?" "You know what? I don't have time for this." "Yes, you do. If you want to know how to do better, I can teach you but you need to have a lot more patience than that."

"How am I suppose to learn from you?" "First, I never said I was a horrible girlfriend, I just said that I have trust issues. Second, I'm Magnus' sister. I know him better than anyone." "Fine, what do I have to do."

**

It's been a few weeks that I've been helping Alec and things have been good. He's been progressing, but so was something else. Of course, I've been supressing this but I can't control them in my dreams. "Kiss me," Alec says. "No," I stand from the couch and walk away from the living room. I feel a hand on my wrist pulling me back.

I turn around and hold my cheek as he kisses me. He walks me back to the couch and lays me on my back as he lifts my shirt. He softly kisses up my stomach and started to squirm under his touch. "Y/N?" A hear a voice call. I feel a warm hand on my shoulder and I jolt awake to see Alec standing over me.

"You okay? You made a grumbling noise and started sweating. Bad dream?" He asks. "Yeah, bad dream." "What about cuddling?" He suggests. "I'm sorry?" "I've been doing some reading and cuddling seems like a nice way to display affection." "You're right about that one." "So scoot over, I want to see what is the right way."

I reluctantly scoot over and Alec climbs into bed with me. He wraps an arm around my waist but it was tense and hard as a rock. "No, it's more like this. Turn around, I'll be big spoon." "Big what?" "I'll explain that later, just turn around."

He complied and I slide my leg in between his. I put my arm underneath his and link his hand with mine. "So you do this, wrap the arms and legs together. That's the basic way to cuddle: spooning."

"And what are the other ways?" "The other ways are more intimate. You'll learn them eventually." "Come on. Show me." "No, Alec. They're too personal." "What do you mean personal? We're close friends now, right?" "Yes, we are. But..."

Alec holds the sides of my face like he did in my dream. "Please, Y/N." I didn't realize how close our faces were until now. "I'm sorry, I cant-- I can't do this anymore." I pull away from him and rush out of the room.

**

I've been avoiding Alec as much as I can so I can try to suppress the feelings I have for him. "It's you isnt it?" "What do you mean?" "You're the one that has been helping Alec with us?" " You caught me," "Thank you, I really appreciate it."

Magnus hugs me and I hug him back. "No problem," "You know what, we should all have dinner together." "Hm?" "Yeah, me, you and Alec." "Uh, why?" "Well, we haven't had dinner together in a while."

"Alright, when do you want to do it? What are you in the mood for?" "Tonight, and I was thinking Chinese." "Can't go wrong with Chinese,"

Flash forward to later that day, Alec decided to sit right in front of me. I desperately tried to avoid eye contact and he desperately tried to get my attention. "Alright guys, I'll get the Chinese. I'll be back. Don't burn the house down." He leaves the loft and I say, "I need to go to the bathroom."

"Y/N, please stop this. Talk to me, tell me what I did wrong?" "That's the problem. You did nothing wrong, you're just being yourself." "Then, why do you keep avoiding me?" "I'm doing it for me, to protect and punish myself at the same time." "Y/N, you're not making any sense."

"I have feelings for you when I 100% know that I shouldn't. So I'm avoiding you until they're gone " "Damn it," "I know, I'm sorry." "No, it's not that. I.. I fell for you too but I knew you didn't have the same feelings so I.." "No, uh-huh. This can't happen, Alec. Magnus has been through way too much to have something like this happen."

"But we can't help--" "Yes, we can. We can suppress it and it'll eventually go away." "Or it will only become stronger." Alec says. "Just drop it. Magnus will be back soon." "Kiss me," "No, and don't you dare break his heart, you hear me?" "Too late," We both look over to Magnus and I immediately run over to him.

"How much of that did you hear?" "Him telling you to kiss him." Magnus looked to Alec and I could tell that he was debating on sending him through a wall. "You should go, Alec." "Alright, but we still need to talk."

"No we don't," "Please just.. help me understand this because I have no idea why or how I feel this way. I--" "I'll think about it but don't count on it." Alec reluctantly left and Magnus collapsed into my arms. "Why.. why does this keep happening to me." He croaks. "Im such a bad sister. All I wanted to do was help and I fucked things up, like always."

"Me and Alec weren't meant to be. But maybe you guys are." "What? Hell no, I am not going to do anything with him. Did you forget the sibling code? The other sibling never sleeps with or dates their siblings significant other."

"But it's clearly a two way relationship, you like him and he likes you." "No, Magnus. It's not going to happen, drop it." "Come on, let's eat this Chinese." I add.

**

Turns out, the Shadowhunters needed some help from warlocks in order to track and defeat Valentine. Which I find ironic, because Shadowhunters always tried so hard to put us Downworlders down. And in the end game, they need our help. Everything in me is saying to be petty, but that wouldn't have helped anybody so I kept it to myself.

Magnus and I walked into the Institute and Alec's mother was holding a meeting. Alec and I immediately lock eyes and quickly find a seat in the back. Magnus followed me and when the meeting was over, Alec went to find Y/N. "We need to talk." "If it's not about stopping Valentine, then I dont want to hear it."

"Come on, Y/N. Give him a chance." "What? Why are you supporting this?" "Because you deserve to be happy." "He does not make my happy." "Then how would explain your dreams about him?" "Wanting something that I couldn't have. The dreams stopped, by the way." "Your feelings for him didn't." "Wh--" "Go," Magnus pushes me into Alec's chest.

Alec catches me and we look into each other's eyes for a moment. "You have five minutes." He follows me into a random hallway. "You still have dreams about me?" "No, I don't." "Quit lying to yourself." "What isn't clicking, Alec? This cannot happen. You are my brother's ex-boy--" Alec slams his lips on mine and holds my arms above my head.

He continued to kiss me and I wasn't fighting it at all. He lets go of my hands and they find themselves into his hair. He holds my hips and hums against my lips. He finally pulls away from my lips and we are both breathless. "Wow,"

[aggresivelyfriendly]

Writing has been slow going, but I have something. I edited it, so expect mistakes. Take this as a balm if you didn’t get tickets or a celebration if you did!

This one is canon, assume the crossover with APOL didn’t happen. This went somewhere I didn’t expect, but the muse does what it wants, like Harry.

Tryst- Chapter 9-Cancun

The air felt close and thick, like the vapor issued from a screaming kettle, and Helene was glad, not just because her skin laid tight across her bones from the flight, but also because she knew she'd had sweat on her hairline and her palms for much longer than the taxi ride over. Probably from when she got the call from Harry.

It had been ages since they had each other. Which was good? Helene kept reminding herself. It supported her self imposed finished to their trust. This trip was nerve racking because it was for weeks. She'd have to keep her feelings locked up and her pants buttoned for longer than long. It would be hard. They'd not been together for this amount of days, in over a year. They had them a long hot weekend thanks to Gucci, but really, since tour ended, they ended, it's been little sips of his image through a tiny straw. She can't take him up the thin vein, he's too much. And when she had buried herself in his image on drives and on computers to take giant gulps, it felt desperate, so she had stopped. She had no reason to be looking at those, there were new images to edit. New jobs she had taken on, and new clientS to focus on, Better clients. She had Harry to tank for her higher profile.

Her focus, through her lens, was on point. It was her mental focus that wandered. To the drives she had buried with memories.

She did not look at those.

Well, that one night, after the very unsatisfying date with the gentlemen who absolutely did not look like Harry. Especially after he took his clothes off. She looked then.

Even that moment of weakness seemed forever ago. Time past notwithstanding, she would be spending weeks with him. A week in Mexico and one in Scotland. Helene was nervous about her feelings but her stomach was in knots over Harry's. Would he mirror the weather in each place with his ever changing moods and signals? A sultry embrace in one before a bracing chill closer to his own home?

Doubtful, he was a welcoming happy soul. He'd be happy to see them all. He loved his team, his employees.

She was, above all, his employee, though he blurred the lines so effectively with all of them, even the ones he hadn't fucked to within an inch of sanity, that she also was a friend, at the least. They were all the best of friends, separated by distance, and time, and Worse full schedules. His especially.

She was pretty sure she was the only one on the fucking list. Though she wondered about Mitch, always. But he was happily ensconced with sarah, and Helene was trying to let go of jealousy in her life. So she only used Mitch and Harry as fodder. To get her there, What ever it takes.

But now she was here. In this resort place. It was a curious choice for Harry, very touristy so far.

Nonetheless, She loved the colors, the water was teal out of the rolled down window of the hire car that had been waiting for her. She hoped there would be time for sea bathing and a margarita on the beach. He was usually good about building in down time for the crew. She could see herself relaxing, far away from him. Right under a palm tree. Those were a gray brown at the base and green green at the tops. They'd provide just enough shade. She still tanned, though she knew she outheten not to. Liked the bronze on her skin against the bright of her hair. She'd give it up at 40, she promised herself.

But Harry had traced the lines up the middle of her ass cheek with his tongue once. So, she wouldn't stop. Not yet. Not when that tongue was nearby.

                                    🌴 🌴 🌴

Helene stepped out of the cab and saluted the driver. It was on H's tab, so there would be no awkward pause to pay the cabbie. All expenses paid, that was a perk, she should embrace it. It smarted, like a poorly placed slap on the ass.

She decided to pretend she was a kept woman rather than an employee. That felt more fun, pretending she was here on a tropical rendezvous, not a business trip with a lovely boss.

Just slight shades of meaning, they were the same thing. She knew it. And a kept woman would probably not go so long without seeing her patron.

Harry was certainly her patron. She'd done well before him, but her career has exploded with the name association.

Her life had exploded. Her heart. She was still stitching it back together. This trip was going to test its elasticity.

She had moved on, dammit. And she was sure that Harry had too, in his way. After him and Camille and well, he was so sad when she really moved on. He must have thought after tour...... but good ones don't wait.

What did that say about her?

The lobby was aggressively air conditioned. Helene was pulling her sweater out and trying to get her arm in when suddenly, the fabric was pulled away and untangled for her to slip over her shoulders.

She could smell him over her shoulder, long before she saw his face. Her body always recognized him long before she lay eyes. Her skin hummed just under its petite surface, she felt it most in the bends of her elbows, knees, where her thighs became her hips. Where the blood rushed and you could track it. Her hairline always felt tighter too, Helene found her self tidying her hair when he was close enough to smell. And her breath, it came short, even before she smelt him.

And that's when it hadn't been ages, or a time more extended than she liked, lengthened by longing.

Helene drew in a breath and closed her lids. Time for her professional face. She'd need to gauge him today. What will she be working with these next few weeks? The flirt, the obsessed artist, boss man, lover.

"Hi Helene!" He's got his arms wide. Well, friend to start. Torture.

Jesus, did he always have to look like that? It's totally unfair to other humans on the planet, herself especially included. And any man after him. She'd learned that the hard way.

Helene felt her body overruling her mind and the smell, not any different than the one he'd always had in rotation, despite their last working endeavor, envelops her with his arms. It's like the smell of her apartment on her first bath back, redolent of home.

He smelt the same, but felt different. Harder, the notch where her nose always ended up isn't as cuddly as normal, the push of his skin back onto her more robust, less a bounce. She catalogued the physical changes when she looked up from her place, his height ordering a step back. He's in a tank and shorts with a button up, wildly patterned shirt over it.  Same clothes, new body.

Ah, that's why he felt different. He looked different. She remembered when she realized his ass was growing on tour, probably in Spain when his bespoke pants split. The pants had not changed dimension, he had. Everyone was laughing about it, but Harry was smug. "That's work" and he's looked over his shoulder and nodded his chin at his own growing booty. She'd had a feel or two, it was all muscle. She started tracking progress, each time they fell into bed at irregular intervals.

She thought she was discreet, until the time he asked, "how's it growing?" And bounced his eyebrows like a naughty school boy. She bet he was one, he put it on so easily. Ass.

Now he'd apparently turned his attention to his chest. His torso, if the lines under his a shirt were anything to go by, had expanded and become more michealangelo's David to raphael's.

This week was either going to be paradise or hades. Both likely.

"Hey Tiny!" He didn't call her that. Not when they were alone. It made her feel decidedly like a kid sister, despite his being her junior.

Purgatory?

"Hey boss." She looked up and willed the smile to reach her eyes.

"Heeeeey!" He stuck out his still entirely too suckable bottom lip. "Since when do you call me boss?"

Since before she fucked him and again in her head when she decided to stop. Instead she just shrugged.

"Don't like it." He looked around quickly, and leaned in and whispered. "You've seen me naked."

Oh! The flirt was back. "Everyone's seen you naked." She giggled and held in her snort at her own weakness.

"Well, yeah, and that number is about to grow." She wasn't sure what that meant and didn't have time to contemplate it. He leaned in close again. And they were all alone in the hotel lobby full of green plants and big earred ferns. "But I've seen you naked too, and I know how you taste." He let his voice drop and stood up with his smug face. His dimple pressed in when he got a look at her face.

She must have looked suitably flushed to entertain him.

"Anyway," he continued like her pupils weren't blown and she didn't need new lingerie. "I think everybody is going to lunch, Jeffrey's the only one not here yet. We were just waiting on you! Tequila?"

He was really not playing fair. This was over, she was over him. She had the relationship, rebound, under her belt to prove it. He was a menace. But she was French, still, always, so she schooled her face and feigned amused disinterest, and nodded.

"I'll need to freshen up, long flight. I can meet everybody."

"We'll wait."

"Oh no, I can't allow that."

"Then I'll wait." She was already moving to the desk, Harry by her side moved along check in.

He also rode the elevator up with her, and she was fully amused when he'd insisted on carrying her bags. She knew she liked Anne.

Helene gave him a stare when he followed her in the room and through the suite to drop her bags in the bed chamber.  And then he made himself comfortable.

Helene canted her head at him and rose her brow.

"What?"

"Do you not have a luncheon to host?"

"Well, I'm the boss, as you said, and I want you there. I'm afraid if I leave you will pass out, I'd like your company, and I'll miss looking at you."

"I need a shower Harry." She tried to excuse him without having to kick him out.

"So shower." He smiled. Waved his hand in front of his nose. "Please! And I'll just hang here and check email and try not to think of you naked so I won't barge in there and delay us."

He was too much. Very presumptuous. Indelibly sexy. The little tease. "Ya know, for the poster boy of nice, you are rude." She came to stand by him and find something fresh to wear and her toilette bag. Her hip was really close to him, and he shifted so his forearm pressed to her waist. It was not a big movement, but hard to miss the heat coming off his arm into her body. The air conditioning in her room was lackluster compared to the lobby.

She looked at him and screwed her finger to her temple before she headed for the shower, ignored his flirt. He chuckled, but stopped her intently. Harry placed his hands on hers, where they were full of clothes.

"I'm happy to see you. I've missed your tiny face." He calf blinked. Then grinned. "Now hurry up! I'm hungry."

She was starved, had just been reminded of all the meals she'd been missing. Her facade stayed false though, "then go, eat." She laughed and went to shower.

Harry had said he was going to think of her naked, and restrain himself, but him being in her room was just the same. The shower steamed up the mirrors, or maybe she was doing that job. She wasn't sure she had time for what she needed, to wash and relieve. Helene settled for a PTA and moved her hand between her legs. Used the quickest most efficient motions she knew, that 1-2-3 punch combo to orgasm, took one hand away to bite her thumb, at herself apparently, to staunch her moan.

He couldn't know.

She couldn't be sure he wouldn't barge in, she wouldn't receive him, or that she wouldn't be entirely embarrassed and have to act haughty before faking the flu and hiding out in her room, or hopping a flight back to Paris.

Were they never going to recover from this insincere intimacy? His mixed signals were crazy, made her crazy.

Maybe the intimacy wasn't insincere, just impermanent or situational?

Her shower routine had seen such little change in so long she completed her washing up with little thought. Her distraction was certainly situational, if she was anywhere near harry styles it seemed.

Her hair combed through easily, and she pulled on the panties and the light dress she'd planned for, with her sandals. She was a light packer from being on the road for years. Nearly everything was interchangeable and coordinated. She could just as easily wear her trainers, but she went with the sandals because of her pedicure. Nails, we always have nails, she had to keep up with the Styles, so she'd booked herself into the spa the day before the trips, despite the tight tight schedule.

She slipped the panties over her thighs and was glad she'd shaved her inner thigh creases the day before when she fixed the elastic. The lingerie was a good choice, there was a definite breeze in Cancun, she didn't want everyone to catch sight of her rounded ass, maybe just her boss.

She almost slipped them off.

Instead, she opened the door and he was reclined on the bed.

"You are so slow."

Helene didn't deign that with an audible response, just lowered her brow and screwed up her lips at him and gathered her things.

"Efforts worth it." He said as he passed her and headed for the door. Pfft, she filled her red cheeks and followed him out.

Company, other people, maybe that would kill his damn flirty nature.

But it did not, not really. He wasn't over the top. He sat on his side of the car, didn't pull her close or sit in the middle.

His knee knocked against hers and remained when he teased her about bringing her camera. Of course she brought her camera. She was his photographer, one of them, the primary.

Then, at the restaurant, he made her take a shot with him immediately, to catch up with everybody he claimed. They pulled up to the bar after a quick round of hello, then his arm around her wrist other about her shoulder, a salsa walk to the bar. He caught her hand again and licked where her pulse was already coming quick before she had recovered from his hips against hers. She had to grab the bar to stready herself, she'd blame it on him pulling her quickly if he asked. He didn't, just rose his eyebrows, and sprayed her arm with salt, then his own, which he licked while maintaining eye contact with her. Put a lime into the small gape she didn't notice her lips had, the longer caress on her fleshy bottom lip barely noticeable, then licked her wrist, shot his casamigos, and quickly, so quickly you couldn't call it a kiss, took the lime off her.

She didn't reciprocate in total, though like his salty skin, swallowed her shot to quell the burning in her throat and belly, replaced it with a more nameable burn, but she pulled his lime free with a pinch of her thumb and forefinger.

He grinned and winked, grabbed the bartenders attention along with her hand, "two grandes por favor." Least his French accent was a bit better than his Spanish. Though, She'd teased him after hearing the audio for Gucci's odeur and tried to work on his tongue in bed, it wasn't great either. English tongues were clagey. Had he not proven her wrong, she'd doubt their ability to move pleasurably.

He'd shown her after a bit that his tongue spoke perfect French in other attitudes. It was certainly her language, they'd agreed after seven lessons straight.

Maybe he felt nostalgic as she did for days spent in bed and nights spent awake. Helene watched him walk into the group, giving arm less hugs since his hands were full of drinks. His face in the curve of a neck, like they were having a reunion, not on a job.

The magic of Harry. She was ready for a personal reunion. She'd follow him to his room after this get together and remain there.  There was no denying it, him.

🏝🏝🏝

By the third day of the shoot, Helene assumes nostalgia, shared or lonely, was the feeling she'd leave Mexico with. Like tequila or the lime soup she knew she'd crave when she left.

That lingering want that outlived the availability of something. She wondered what language had a word that captured that feeling exactly. None of the ones she knew.

Nostalgia. Mexico echoed with those things she had once, but not anymore.

They'd been in a downtown area, bars on all the once brightly painted houses' windows. Streets cleared and Harry being run down in his designer clothes or riding on the backs of motorcycles without any protective gear.

His skin, she worried about his skin. A friend had some horrible road rash once, and Helene felt it would be a pity if that happened on Harry's perfect chest, or arms, or god forbid, his face.

His damned untouchable, untouched face.

The flirting had slowed dramatically, and they'd resumed their usual dynamic. Meaning she watched him down her lens and captured moments, but not his attention. His attention was usually consumed by whatever they were doing. He was busy, he was the star. He was not all over her since the day she arrived.

She'd given herself a pep talk this morning when she'd woken up from a dream, or a memory, and needed to slide her hand down her own belly to quell the tension before the sun was even fully up. It went something like-"he is your boss, your patron, before anything else. Don't pay attention to his flirtations, or lack thereof." That's what was hurting now, after that first day if she was honest. "He can't help himself. Just remember that other aspect of your relationship fondly and move on." Her French sounded just like her mother's when she gave herself talkings to.

It was easier said in the mirror than done. Mostly because many times, the way she framed him, the camera was an extension of her eye, her hand, her want. She wondered if that's why her pictures resonated with his fans. They were in the same boat.

When she arrived at the beach for the night shoot, she knew immediately she was in for it.  There was music playing, lights up around a square of sound, and a collection of beautiful, scantily clad people.

Harry like his secrets, so Helene usually found herself in moments unprepared, off guard. They just happened for her a bit before the people she made photos for. She had heard snippets of the song though, in the house sets. But, since this was being shot non sequentially, she hadn't a clue what this video was about. Even what the track was concerning was a mystery.

The mists cleared and turned into a knot beneath her navel and in her throat when Harry joined the throng.

He was also scantily clad. Which wasn't to uncommon a sight, not for the crew. In the bowels of the arena, he was likely to be in basketball shorts, and little else, sometimes just boxers. This was decidedly different. The other people here were also naked, they were dancing, and everybody was oiled, them misted.

Harry was off to the side being oiled up, and she was ready to spray the mist right into her own mouth. Did she have a mister? Could she join whatever the hell was about to happen here? It looked like a beach rave in the Greek isles she'd gone to at 20.

That was a good night. She barely remembered who she went home with. But it was more than one person. It was a one off, with the couple? She thought it was a couple. But it was a sweet filthy memory.

Helene knew this was clinical, were shoots like this, but as she watched Harry get rubbed down and misted as he casually chatted with the bespeckled lady working on him, them both laughing like every tattoo he had, almost, wasnt showing, Helene thought she may need a medic. And a job application, she was in the wrong part of the entourage.

It only got worse when Harry let himself be literally pulled into the throng. Then the next several hours was spent watching beautiful people, beautiful Harry, writhe. At first she'd been concerned he'd be uncomfortable, but he looked right at home, and happy between takes, with his silly finger gun dancing and half moon dimples pressed to mirror the shape in the sky.

She watched it, and tried to detach through her lens. Though that was not her strong suit as a artist. She never was truly remote to her subject. And she was all bound up with Harry.

When the delicious torture was all over Helene was disassociating off to the side pretending to scan through her pictures.

She should not be this turned on. Jesus, it was technical, stand here so we can only see sparrows up and such, feign a kiss, but no touching. Like a lap dance for the young woman at her own personal 9-5. It wasn't sensuous, it was work. But all that flesh. All Harry's flesh.

She loved his skin. And the lights and the beautiful people. The bald girl who's been near him a good deal was particularly compelling. They had palpable chemistry. Helene was surprised she was excited by it, not frustrated or jealous.

A little jealous, or was it envy?

Helene guessed she should be getting shots. Had she caught her breath enough? She figured the answer was yes, until she looked up and realized that Harry had a bottle, bottles, of tequila, the amazing Mexican tequila they'd shot the other day, out, and he was pouring.

And he was handing out shots and hugs. The fake rave was turning into a real party.  A shot came across her hand. And she shook her head and kept shooting. She got some gems.

She loved the dancing in the video, but it was essentially choreographed writhing. This was something so much better.

Harry was still shirtless, but he had his personal space and he was doing stomp steps and his hands were flapping. And he was more adorable than the goofy smiles he'd given during the shoot to lighten the mood and the exhaustion everyone was feeling.  She shot everybody, but, as always, most pictures were of Harry.

She resolved tonight would not be all about Harry. If she couldn't fuck Harry, then fuck Harry.

Helene was chatting with the tall black guy with the mustache who'd caught Harry's eye at one point, he was pouring drinks and Helene was thinking how height was intoxicating, when Harry turned up.

"Pour me one?" He grinned at Xavier. Helene was glad she hadn't had any yet. She had plans for Xavier, but two more shots and she'd toss them into the waves to spend time with Harry.

Helene coughed over the shot she took, and Harry helpfully brought a lime wedge to her mouth. Less helpfully, his finger tastes like coconut oil. He tasted like a party.

Xavier said something, but all Helene could hear was the break of the wave hitting the shore behind her and within her.

"Excuse-moi." She slid away to the side, behind Xavier. He was big and his body hid her, so she didn't have to make eye contact with Harry. She held the sides of his shirtless waist, and her nose smelled coconut oil on him as well. Strangely, it was sobering compared to the slick on her tongue, the tang, left by her boss. She heard Harry's laugh as she walked away and her legs moved faster, walking on beat towards the side to drop her camera, and dance.

She'd dance this off. Dance it out.

This had seemed like a great idea, with the tequila addling her brain and filling her fallow belly. She carefully put her equipment in its bag, and left it in an obvious location and repeated it to her self, so she'd be able to find it on her way out.

The second shot burned less, but warmed more. It loosened the knot below her belly button and her spine. The song on was a Latin beat, her favorite. She hoped to remember it, but she didn't know the singer. She'd Shazamed it for later, she needed this song in her ear, it was in her veins now. She'd hoop to it.

Her hips shimmied side to side and front to back. She was laughing and holding hands with a brunette beauty for a bit. The girl led her through a proficient salsa. "Pardon!" She giggled when her barefoot slid off the top of her partners big toe.

"Oof," came out next from somebody bumping into her. The makeshift dance floor, really patch of sand had become more crowded as the tequila took effect. Helene wasnt surprised, she and Gabi were taking up more room than necessary, mostly because they didn't have their pelvises pressed together.

This became much more obvious when the bump showed itself to be much more intentional. There was more than a pelvis, and it was pressed to her bum. The impression was familiar. The smell of the man dancing on her was not though.

"You smell funny." She slurred and looked over her shoulder and up the bare chest to his face. He was looking down at her and his red nose fairly glowed, like a cartoon reindeer on a misty night.

"Aloe Vera." He glanced the top of his pointer finger off his nose then his shoulder. "Jane got me before the oil, and then again when I was trying to get everybody in a party spirit."

"Ah!" Well, he was less lickable then, she took as a positive. Until he turned her toward him, away from Gabi, who had moved on to a more focused partner while Harry was distracting her.

He was still lickable.

Her hips fell into the rhythm he was creating, like they'd done this before. And they Had, she supposed, just in a more horizontal attitude. She loved to bat herself about to his beat. She shook her head, bad thoughts away. "How did you get so burnt? You wear sunscreen no?"

He scratched the back of his neck. Ah, this was a confession. "I was trying out a new face cream, for a friend. I just assumed it had sunscreen, ya know." He shrugged.

"All from one day?"

Oh no, it took a bit. The first two."

"So that explains your face, what about your shoulders."

"I got carried away in a scene, decided it would be better with less... coverage." he scanned her in her summer dress. "Like most things." He bit his lip.

Helene felt her eyes roll, she'd been around Americans a lot apparently.

"Do you feel overdressed?"

"What?"

"Well everybody else is in their pants!" His shrug was almost Gallic.

"Well, I have a little burn myself."

"Did you forget sun lotion too."

"No, the mexican sun is strong as the tequila." She laughed at his giggle. "But, my pants and bra, were lace, not good on a sunburn." She shrugged, watched his eyes narrow them widen while he checked her out, then turned, rolled her body over his semi and walked to get more tequila.

He predictably followed her. "M. Panbrum," he whispered in her hair above her ear, "are you implying you aren't wearing any undergarments."

Helene gave him a half smile and took a shot, without offering him one.

The movement of his Adam's apple up and down his throat in response was a better burn than shot number three. Perhaps she was getting immune? Or was tipsy already. "Qui!" She stepped toward the dance floor, and was surprised it was more empty than it had been before. The party seemed to be winding down. She'd missed the climax.

"Let's go back." He pressed close to her, she could feel his nipples through her dress on the top of her shoulders. She felt him rub over her hip, then slightly higher, then down the crack of her ass. She appreciated the thorough search, but the lace and elastic had been insufferable this morning, so she'd opted out.

Would she opt out now?

Helene looked at Harry. Shirtless, sweaty, oiled and veraed Harry. "Why?"

"Um..." he blinked, faster than she had ever seen him blink. "What'd ya mean why?"

"I mean, why would I go back with you?" It felt like an honest question, one she was maybe asking years to late.

"Well..." he stuttered, and scratched the back of his neck, his giggle trilled nervously. His cheeks pinked. She couldn't believe her audacity either. "I just, well, before, and well," he blinked, slower this time. "Do you not, did we not?" He looked up then, and his face cleared a little bit. "Did you not have good time." He looked vulnerable, sad, at the notion.

"That's not how I would put it." She sighed. She was tired suddenly, and maybe drunk.

"Did I?"he looked at her close, then down to the sound. She almost didn't hear the words. "Have I hurt you, Helene?"

Unexpectedly, her eyes welled up. She would have been embarrassed or managed the feelings that wanted to spill down her face, but she couldn't when she realized he was tearing up to. This was not a conversation for the beach. This was a conversation for windy wet Scotland, not Mexico.

"Let's talk at the hotel. I'll take another car, so I can." She fanned her face, gave him a look.

He agreed, and had somebody getting transport together within minutes.

Helene was astounded. She'd known, or should have known he would expect them to pick up where they left off, she'd not told him it was the last time, last time. They didn't talk about it, they'd never talked about it. Just their desire was spoken and then acted on.

Her car left first, as Harry had more goodbyes to make. Helene beat him back to the hotel and had time to worry, agonize, and worst of all, hope. He'd been moved.

Did it mean anything? Or was it just his kind heart.

She was just about to lock the chain, put out the lights, and open the mini bar when her phone dinged followed by a quiet knock.

That was faster than she expected. He'd skirted rudeness, she assumed, to get here so soon.

"Helene," he immediately started talking when she opened the door and he walked in like he was much taller than her remembered, the way he looked taller on stage, the inches added by purpose.

She couldn't. Her hand went up, all red and geometric. "Want a drink?" She interrupted.

The tension didn't leave his shoulders, but the shiver moved down his arms and he sat. "No, not really."

"I'd like to have one with you." She needed a bracer, they needed to brace.

"Ok." He watched her make it. She could feel his eyes and loaded tongue. She was amazed really.

She poured the wine. She wanted tequila, but they weren't getting naked immediately, so, it seemed the wrong spirit. Her spirit trembled. Sh handed him his goblet and tapped hers tO the rim of his and gulped hoping one intoxication was better than the other.

"So, I like the song. I can't wait to hear all of it, not snippets. And the video, well, it'll cause a stir." She smirked.

"Um, yeah. Like, that's the hope. I'm just at kinda tired, of like, covering up."

"Physically to metaphorically."

"Both."

"Yeah, I could see that. Good for you harry!" She tried for a smile.

The varnish on it faded when she looked up. His hand on hers was like sandpaper. "I'm tired of not, not saying things. Helene.—"

"Harry, I'm not sure I'm ready."

"You were nearly crying at the beach? Helene. I think I'm not ready." He sighed. "I thought. Well, we always.....were you not having a good time?"

She laughed, it wasn't nervous, more a burst of emotion. "Harry, I think it was clear that I had a good time. You could feel that, no?" She pouted her lips on no. God she wished she had kept it together. Then she could be sleeping or...

He smiled, though it didn't crinkle his eyes. He pushed out a breath that a liar would describe as a chuckle. "Yes, In the moment. But what about after."

"Well the moment tended to last all night, so" her thumb cascades over his knuckles, rubbing between.

"Stop trying to distract me!" He spoke swiftly. ""Helene, what about after? The next morning, or on the ride home."

"Damn, she forget occasionally that he is perceptive, when he chooses to look, or maybe sensitive was a better word. It usually hit on the plane home, when the sore thighs and raw lips weren't happy mementos but badges of abandonment.

She sighed. She may as well get this over with. She'd been afraid of his disinterest, or solely physical interest. She'd assumed it though, so there was that. The confirmation couldn't hurt worse than the rumination. "After," she moved her shoulders as effortlessly as she could push through. "After, I remembered a good time."

"And you felt?" He touched her jaw, so she couldn't slide her gaze away.

"I felt, like I should be more than a memory."

"But you are, Helene, we are friends." At that she dropped his hands.

"No, I'm your employee!" she said while she stood up, her wine upended and she excused herself to get a towel.

"My employee?" He followed her into the bathroom.

"Fine, then you're my patron, and the sex was part of my fealty." She stomped back out to sop up the wine.

"Helene, stop, what are you saying? That you felt like if you didn't sleep with me I'd fire you, because that's rubbish. You aren't my like, artist project, or my employee. You're more than that."

"I'm both those things. And your next door lover when you are lonely, or alone, or horny. But, in all cases, I serve you." She could feel the tears on her face. Kept it pointed down like a arrow tip.

Harry knelt down with her, her hands trapped by his knees over where she had been pressing the white towel hand onto the rug frantically trying to get the red hue to absorb into the towel, to clean up this mess she didn't mean to make.

This was all wrong. They were supposed to be easy. They could be flirting and fucking. She knew she had feelings years ago my now. Had nursed them, and then weaned herself. Feelings were unfortunate; they held you up. Here she was crying when she could be touching him, letting him touch her. Helene had come to the end of her fraying feelings. She'd snapped some time ago, she just hadn't told him.

Harry pulled her hands up, held them against her miniature struggle. "Please look at me Helene."

And then he waited, until she could. Helene pushed against the wine weakly while she willed her eyes to dry

When her eyes finally connected to his, she saw the gleam he got, when he was overtaken. He was the only man she knew who let that happen often without embarrassed words and trips to the bathroom.  That may have been the first string she pulled, maybe even before their first sleep over, before Bologna. His wet eyes and softness before his hard body. Helene had liked him for his heart. She'd liked him all along.

It was why she waited as long as she did to say no more.  One of the reasons. She should have said it out loud so they wouldn't be frantically cleaning wine out of a carpet on a Thursday night in Mexico before they got trapped in a tin can high in the sky.

She loved his vulnerability. And the way his eyes looked in photos when they glistened. She loved his face in photos almost more.

Like now. But, She'd never caught a tear on his cheek.

She didn't have a camera now. She'd have to actually be in this moment, not capture it. He let her bring her hand to his face to trace the tear back to its origin.

"Helene," he swallowed. "How long have you felt like this? Like I, um" definitely didn't needed a lens. "Like I used you, or whatever." He used her thumb to dash his other tear.

She shrugged. She didn't have a good answer to that question. Maybe always, maybe only right now.

"I'm not sure I knew I felt that way."

"But you do feel that?" He pressed his forehead to hers. "That and Um," he hiccuped, "you didn't have a choice because you work for me."

She shook her head there. "No, that I don't feel. I was just angry." She was a cornered animal, striking out. Not that she felt, less forced, she could absolve him a bit.

"Thank Christ." His eyes closed and she was thinking how altogether pleasant his symmetry was. No, she did it because she wanted him. Even now, with his heartbreakers face and broken heart.

"I like being with you, I chose to be. But I think it hurt me, that you." She swallowed, her own tears clogging her throat and pressing down the sides of her nose. "That you are fine with having me for a small time here and there,  but not everyday."

"I never knew having you everyday was an option." He pulled back and looked at her, his focus shifting from one eyeball to the other. "Is it an option? Everyday?"

Helene filled her cheeks at that. How did she not have an answer? "Do you want it to be an option." Oh, yeah, the gaping fear of rejection inside her.

"Helene," he tsk'd. "I think we got started at a weird time, but, you never." He chuckled. "You never said. But neither did I. I really thought I'd gotten better at this." The wry grin brought a wet smile to her own. "It will be complicated." He tilted his head, and his lips gentled about his teeth.

"Will be?"

"For us to be together. With tour. And my traveling, and your other gigs. But, I wouldn't mind. Plus the rest, you know." He flipped his hand sideways, like the judgements of a million or more fangirls were nothing. "But I wouldn't mind." he shrugged and gave her a boyish smile. "Having you for more mornings."

"Wouldn't mind?" That wasn't enough.

"No." He held both hands. She'd dropped the towel and missed it. "I'd be lucky to have you to wake up to. And go to bed with. And to cook for. And pick hooping songs with. And watch those documentaries you like." They laughed. The last time when they'd been to fucked out to touch each other, he'd nodded off three times when she convinced him to watch one, she'd tried to keep him awake. He'd have liked it, she was sure. "But it'll be complicated. You know, they love you now..."

"It would be an honor, and a pleasure," she winked her eyebrows up and emphasized the word. "To see you at home. Yours and mine, and watch those old movies you like. And listen to whatever album you love over and over for two weeks exclusively. And eat the food you like." She was not committing to cooking, no matter if she was committed to him.

"So?"

"So." She nodded and kissed him with the salt on their lips. And their tongues, chins, and collarbones.

His neck tasted of aloe and coconut oil and after she'd discovered the scent and flavor went well below his collar, down to the nipple she was trying to play, it occurred to her that it probably went everywhere. Essentially.

"Does all of you have the spray on?" She didn't like it, it tasted wrong. Like her new first time with him was with somebody new. She didn't want anybody new.

"All but where the trunks covered." He slid his whole hand, fingers splayed, into her hair, and canted her head back to take her mouth. "Blah. That's gross."

"Merci!" She countered.

"Not you, that taste is from me." He wiped his tongue on his Hawaiian shirt tail.

"We should shower."

"Yeah." He pulled her behind him, and was messing with the knobs a moment later. Her fingers found the last few clinging buttons on his Hawaiian shirt from behind. He did love to dress to the occasion. She loved their height difference, the way the curve of his ass stopped at the tips of her hips bones. She cascaded her nose from one scapula point to the other.

"You're distracting me." He whined.

"Mmmhmmm." She confirmed. His pants, the joggers he'd slipped on over his briefs from the shoot, fell easily once she pulled the elastic side. His trunks she had to push down.

"This is backwards. Usually you're naked and I'm dressed." She liked the humor in his voice.

"This way is better." She wrapped a hand around him.

"Well," he turned around without upsetting her grip, looked between them to his rising pride and her clothed form and smirked. "It has its perks!" Then she was off her feet.

"You fucker!" She squealed. At least the water soaking into her clothes was warm. "Harry!" She squealed and laughed when he lifted her up to press her back to the side of the shower. Her clothes were already soaked to her and getting them off was a chore.

Wearing them drenched was worse. And the cling wasn't the only reason. She needed to be free, like she felt with him. And now, she imagined more so, without comfortably silent feelings.

Harry was adept at getting wet clothes off, or dresses off, she'd seen. The panties rolled up as they came off, but she felt even more weightless than any other interlude they'd had when he hoisted her up to get them to fall off her feet.

"Stop laughing!" He giggled. "I keep clacking my teeth against yours. I'm trying to kiss you."

"You have to stop laughing too. My teeth are hitting yours for a reason."

"I can think of something that's fun!" He raised his eyes brows and lowered his hand. "Yet quiets giggles."

"No!" She shook her head and squirmed, though a moan escaped despite her when his finger hooked along her anterior wall, found that spot. "Non! I hate shower sex!" She licked his neck. "And you still taste horrible."

"You hate shower sex?" He boggled and it gave him a double chin. The rub was he was still attractive, with three folds beneath his cleft and all.

"It takes all the wetness away."

He moved his fingers and raised an eyebrow at the squelch.

"That's water. It's not the same!" She pouted her lips a bit.

"Well, what do you suggest instead of sex?" He looked hard to impress.

Helene reached for a cloth and the bergamot orange body wash and Sudsed up. "I'll wash you."

He rolled his eyes, but certainly didn't stop her.

The flannel glanced over his smooth skin with Helene's hand pausing over the good bits, the ones that made him shiver. Her mouth chased the cleansing cloth, her teeth and tongue too.

She cleaned where he had been covered as well. Just for fun and so she could taste him.

He toweled her off. Then picked her up, like she loved, and carried her to the bed.

Her back hit the bed, and the comforter exhaled around her. She wasn't able to catch her breath when he coasted his long body over her. She'd always loved how they fit together, at all the essential points, despite their height difference.

Like their mouths. He was still the best kiss of her life. He gave himself over to it, like he did to the audience onstage. His mouth communicating what his voice often didn't express. His tongue was lithe, and flit around and caressed her tongue so well she always felt it everywhere. Between her lips, between her legs, and especially in her heart. She'd always tuned out, sure it was miscommunication. It spoke of of his feelings, enlivened hers. Today, she listened to him. To his investment, and abandon. The way he followed her lead and listened to her moans. That he used tongue only after deep lip locks, and licked into her mouth like closing an envelope. Sealed them together. It would take a rip to rend them apart.

Except it didn't. His cascade down her body, usually hurried and hungry, was smooth and sharp, like a letter opener gently applied. She was open, and full of words. Mostly Harry and please. He unlocked her further, she was pretty sure the word love passed her lips, at least lover, when he found her sensitive nipples, and impressions between her lips, and mouthed over her hip bones to the divots where her thighs connected to her pelvis.

"Harry!" She pushed up on her elbows.

"Shhhh!" He popped a dimple and she wanted to be annoyed. He was annoying, but so cute, and lovely, and maybe hers, that she lay back. He pulled her down the covers, the slide of her body audible, and set her feet as close to the ground as they reached, then cuddled into her thighs before easing them open. The bed was high, but he must have measured, or gotten very lucky, because he only had to pull her forward to get his Mouth on her from his knees, open his mouth, extend his tongue.

The first lap, from tail to top was wonderful, especially because Helene had to finally yank his hair almost from his head to get him to stop biting her thighs and kissing her honeymoon muscles, sucking them. The first taste, to where she swelled, was such a relief, she cried.

"Harry! Now." She'd sat up to give the command. He smirked, and before she might have been made to wait, but instead he nodded and danced his hand up her torso to lay her back. His finger lingered on the peak of her breast. That was lovely, remarkable even, but she nearly forgot, would have, with the sensation of his tongue licking into her hole and up until it flicked over the hood at the end top of her clit. The tiny suck to where her lips met was new. She tried to enjoy it rather than think about its origins. Several rounds of this, a swirl around her center, before gentle suction entwined with tongue strokes had her crazy.

He was so good at giving head. Was it just that mouth? Or the expectation of that mouth that he'd risen too.

Her temperature, heart rate, respiration rose too. Her voice filled the room. "Fuck, je jouis!" Her back came clean of the bed and her legs would have clamped Harry's head had he not caught them. He held them open through the "arret, please stop, arret!" Through the second orgasm and the lazy slide of his tongue through the creamy ooze. He slinked up her body where she had two hands in her hair.

"I'm gonna get a condom." He kissed her with all her flavors between his lips and she waited for the shakes to stop. She thought he was gone but a minute, it felt like hours. She missed him, so she hoisted herself up to get to him.

Helene's mouth around him got Harry back to full steam, and the heavy hang to his left, just like she liked it, wet her appetite anew. Her strokes over him and the play of his foreskin made him pull her off with a gentle tug of her hair.

"I'll come." He chided.

"Hmmmm." That was not a night ender, but the delay wasn't favorable to either of them. Helene watched him slide the skin over himself. She slid up the bed so the pillows pushed her shoulder and neck up. She wanted him close in on her, get all their relevant points touching. She wanted to feel his mouth and see his eyes, the whole way through.

For a moment, just a moment, she worried she would not get her way. The concern intensified when he stopped and stared.

"What?" She notched her nose next to his. Why'd you stop.

"Just trying to capture the moment." He slid up the bed between her thighs, wrapping one around his own leg, and sliding two fingers through her wetness and inside to spread her around.

"Should take a picture. I've heard they last longer."

"No, memories can't be destroyed. Pictures can. I'll just stop, take you in."  She could feel him, blunt and insistent at her entrance. "Especially as you take me in." Their exhales met in the inches between their mouths, maybe the repelling force was why Helene's head pushed back into the pillow. She felt her chin hit his nose. Imagined he had to move his head out of the way, couldn't know for sure. Her eyes had closed at the feel of him in her. The heartbreaking pressure, pop, and easing burn. He was talking.  "Have I ever told you I love your face when we fuck, especially the first stroke. You look overwhelmed and determined." He held said face, her eyes blinked open when his thumb caressed her fingers. "Alive. I'll remember this too, yeah?"

"Harry," Helene flexed her hips up to bring him closer. "Stop talking."

He nodded, clutched her chin for a deep kiss, one that left her speechless certainly, and gripped her hips.

The pace felt leisurely, and her body frantic. The mismatch was like those outfit that shouldn't work, but suit the wearer. She would wear him three days at a time if she could. The pressure was constant, except for the three times he teased her with the tip, and pulled either just out or to the brink, waited for her beg, and pressed back in.

If he didn't stop fucking around she might kill him.

When he trapped her right thigh under his to stroke slow, deep, and steady, she accidentally hit him in the head with her elbow while she grabbed the pillow behind her. She needed to fuck him in her bed, it had a proper head board, iron rods to grip.  "Sorry."

He shook off her accidental blow and grinned up at her from above. "Good?"

He'd never asked that. He knew he was good, so good. "So good, oh oui." She lifted her other leg so he glanced off her end and went farther. "Ahhh!"

"That's it." He kissed her while she moaned through her second coming and only let the final wordless sound be unobstructed by his tongue.

His easing strokes had her kicking the sheets, she could hear her heels slide up and down. Damn flip flops on hot sand all day.

"You good?"

"Mmmhmm, so good." She gave him a dewy look and grabbed hold while he rolled them over. In this position, where her heels reached just below his knees, she knew her size, and her power.

He was throbbing within her, humping in tiny motions to get friction, though he'd just hampered his own ability to move.

Helene felt ready to help him out. But not before another lovers kiss. She'd loved the dirty kisses, over the bend of her back, with someone's essence in the others mouth, with teeth more than tongue, but nothing beat these sweet filthy latherings he was favoring her with.

"Ride me?" He begged when she slid her tongue away.

She liked this switch, her sated for the moment, him needy. She liked him needy and talking. The tears in his eyes in the living room where they cleaned the wine.

His eyes were wet again, but from desperation. She stayed stretched out on him, and circled his hips to keep him suspended and get his mouth. His fucking mouth. "I love your mouth."

"Would you like to kiss it everyday?" His words were rapid, a little labored.

"Oui."

"You're welcome to, but for the love of god, make me come, please Helene."

It was her turn to smirk, her hips stilled and he grabbed her to make her move, but she shook her head and kissed him like he wasn't standing before the finish line, like good morning not good night.

Then she sat up, and back, got her knees beneath her, griped his and slid his full length in and out at a bounce until his begging turned to praise.

"Holy fuck!" He sat up on his elbows, then fell back to the bed. But he kept his eyes open. Watched their connection, she knew they were both capturing the moment, the memory. "You look so good, on me, oh god!" And he couldn't keep looking. His head f ppback and his voice going hoarse over his note of completion. "Oh baby!" Was a beautiful lyric she'd not heard addressed to her.

He pulled her down to him, before she could collapse, and they cuddled, until she excused herself to have a post coital pee and rinse.  They cuddled more after him joining her.

And the next morning, after an enthusiastic wake up call.

And throughout the week in Scotland. They made moments and captured them, and Helene never felt so insecure that it would be the last of them that she took a photo.

She didn't need to look at him through her lens to capture him, for now, he was hers.

[doodlydoki]

#6 All Hail The King

Words: 1000~

Warning: ANGST

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was so very silent. No bird in the sky or creature on the ground to fill the silence with hums, growls or chirps. They all fled long ago, sensing the intensity that filled the air before a storm.

And a storm had come.

Manifesting itself through desire and fuelled further by greed. It rocked the surface in disarray, leaving many inhabitants in despair, all the way through till the aftermath.

Soft little patches landed on his skin, like snowflakes, but warm. Littering it's pale tone in grey. A man with raven hair, which slowly faded away under these particles.

A static that had sealed his hearing subsided. Was that his heartbeat he could hear? The soft thumping in his chest calmed him dearly. It was rhythmatic, hypnotising how the slow beating had reached his ears and lulled him in a peaceful state.

He felt two hands gently hold his cheeks, the touch so gentle he barely felt it. He opened his eyes slowly, trying to get used to the blinding light from above.

And he was met with an angel, hovering over him, surrounded by the light of the grey colored sky above.

His angel.

He felt something wet hit his face, time and time again, painting it with their sorrow.

Why were you crying when you were finally together again? Did you miss him? Were you worried about him? Or was it everything else that had torn the two of you apart?

A war.

He remembered it all now. The war that had forced him and his love to abandon their home and prepare themselves to fight for their country, their 'glory greatest'.

The destruction was catastrophic. Everything he's ever known. Gone.

Did they win? Could you call this outcome a victory?

He lifted his hand, noticing how heavy it felt, how difficult it was to reach out to his love. He noticed how his arm looked bruised, covered in blood, making the grey dust stick to it.He noticed how numb it felt when he placed his hand, with difficulty on your face.

You looked so heavenly in his eyes, beautiful in every way, but he liked your smile the most; soft, gentle, happy. Did he make you feel happy? Did he get you to smile enough?

Was it ever enough?

He felt your fingers brush over the hand he had placed on your cheek, holding it, tilting your head so you could kiss the inside of his hand. Tears were still rolling down your face, stopped on one side by the hand you placed back on your cheek, never letting go of it. A small smile graced your lips.

Oh how much he wished to be able to get you to smile like before. That beautiful, soft, gentle, happy smile he loved so much. The one that tugged on your lips when the two of you ended a kiss, the one that appeared when you woke up in the morning, in his bed, to the sight of him beside you. The one you wore throughout the whole of your wedding.

The smile you reserved for him and only him.

The feeling of your lips on his pulled him out of his wishful thinking, but put his mind in another kind of blissful state. He loved you so much. He wanted to kiss you back, to show you the love he returned for so many years now.

But why couldn't he move?

The fogginess that had clouded his mind had prevented him from noticing. The hand that had reached out to you, trying to hold you, sooth you, had completely lost its functioning. Only connecting you two by the lips and the firm grip you held to prevent his arm from colliding with the earth.

Oh how it hurt him that his last chance to show his love to you had slipped through his fingers.

He realised the wetness on his face weren't only your tears anymore. They filled his eyes, clouding his vision in a blurry haze.

Was this his last attempt to show you his feelings?

Was this the last message he could give you now that his body was failing him?

To say he will miss you too....

He could barely make out the movements of your lips in the blurry haze that had clouded his eyes. His ears, failing to receive your last words to him as they denied him a last chance of hearing your voice.

He felt his body cut off all senses, making him blind, deaf and unable to reach you anymore. His nerves shut off and his mind slipped in a disorienting fase.

He was unsure of what would happen to him now.

Will he wake up in a beautiful paradise, waiting for your arrival?

Will heaven open it's gates to him? Or will he have to wait in hell with all others who have taken a life in this bloody war?

And what will happen to his body?

Will the earth reclaim him? Or will his body crumble to dust, like the city he had tried so hard to protect?

At least he knows one thing for certain.

Your final words to him were not ones of desire,

Only love.

A promised love, eternal through the vows you made on your wedding day.

A warm feeling rushed over him, before he sank deep into a peaceful abyss, disconnecting from his body completely. His heart beat it's last drum after fighting so long to keep going, all to stay with you for as long as he could.

His body slowly started to wither, turning into the same warm, grey, particles that had painted his skin. He steadily seeped through his loves fingers, becoming one with the layer that had laid below and on his form.

And with a final gust of air, he flew high into the sky, to later whirl down and cover the once beautiful country he lived in, into a grimmish grey.

His fight was over

All hail the king of the ashes

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hiya~!!!💐

I gifted myself some new writing supplies and I just HAD to use them!!! I tried to draw with my new pens first, but i cant draw sh*t even if my life depends on it😂 so i just started writing!! It was supposed to be like a poem/wip idea kinda thingy but then it turned out like this!!😊

I’m sorry I killed of our sweet cat-loving hero, plss dont kill meh~😭

Hope ya’ll liked it!! I’m not really sure if this writing style is enjoyable or not, so feedback is appreciated! Thank you~❤

Have a good day buttercups~!! 💙💚💛💜

[lassieposting]

Hey so I'm pretty new to this fandom and was just wondering why is there so much hate for Valista? I thought at first it was just a ship war thing but it seems like there's a bigger issue I'm missing?

welcome to the fandom, anon! im sorry you only found it after it all went to shit

for me personally it’s not a ship war thing. i ship both ghanith and tanguine, and i have other ships for skug and val even if valdug is my otp. if i liked the ship, and thought they had chemistry, there’d be nothing stopping me from shipping valitsa and valdug. i live in a multishipper’s paradise.

but honestly? 

- i hate militsa as a character (along with most of the phase 2 characters, tbh). she has no personality outside of “really annoying boundary stomper”. all the phase 2 characters are flat, one dimensional and have very poor character development. i dont even remember most of their names or who has what power.

- almost every militsa fan/valitsa shipper i’ve ever come across has been some godawful little early-teens nuisance starting shit in the valdug tag, which makes me dislike her more. i’m totally okay with people not shipping what i ship or even shipping things i hate - i have my fandom sandbox and you have yours, and we don’t necessarily have to build the same castle - but if you deliberately seek out shippers of a thing you hate in order to fling abuse at them or start fights, then I have a problem with you, and it doesn’t make me like their ship very much either. 

- i don’t like bi!val. Dirty Laundry wrote her as an obnoxious thirsty straight girl for a decade, and then randomly decided to change that to get Representation Points and look progressive. what he’s actually done is make her seem totally ooc and force a badly written, awkward as hell, rushed “romance” he didn’t think through with someone she actively told to leave her alone to begin with and who then totally ignored that and steamrollered her anyway. if he wanted to give someone a girlfriend and show a f/f relationship, china and tanith are right there, have both been canonically bisexual for years, and are both single rn. either one of them would be better than going back on 10 years of how he’s written val. 

- ive seen so many lgbt friends/people in the tag expressing disgust/discontent with valitsa and how it’s written and how forced/awkward/ooc it is, along with bi!val in general. and it seems really shady that dick just? doesnt care. like surely if you’re wanting to be more diverse and do it well, you should listen to the groups you’re trying to represent when they say “this isn’t what we want”. the militsa fans seem to be more of the opinion that any rep is good rep, but they’re also all like 14 years old and don’t know any better. 

- im actually really bitter china didn’t get a girlfriend you dont even know i will fight landy, she developed so much over phase 1 and i would’ve been so here for her falling for someone and instead we get this mess that i cant even think about without feeling nauseous and ughhhhhhh

- the “chemistry” is….non-existent. the pet names?????? “pETAL”?????? i actually threw up in my mouth a little im not gonna lie it’s disgustingly ooc for val to let people call her shit like that and all their interactions are so forced and stiff and its just. yikes. i cant even read that shit. it’s like reading a preteen’s bad sp fanfic ft. their annoying oc, like some ffnet circa 2008 type shit. 

so like. long story short, idk what other people’s reasons are but tbh me shipping valdug does not stop me from also shipping val and skug with other people, so it’s not a shipping war thing. i just don’t like militsa, valitsa, or val/female love interest in general. and the “bigger issue” you mentioned, at least for most people i’ve talked to, is the shitty writing/how forced and ooc it is. 

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[twinfanfics]

The tale of the three head beast. The marching fishes (21/22)

WE ARE BACK!!

Fandom: Digimon GoT au.

Charaters: All the choosen children from Adventure, 02, Tamer and sometimes Frontier.

Ships: Taiyama, Joumi, Daiken, Takary, TakatoxYuri, RikaxRyo …

Second part of the tale of the three head beast series, you can read the first part The chosen children Here and here, or look for the tag  3t3hb  on this blog.

Resume: Three years had pased since Taichi won the hand of princess Sora and both get crowned King and Queen of the living land, now they must faced the duty of the monarchs, but the King is must worried about cover his affair with the royal guard. The war started on the Honest Island, does the King Joe would manage it?. Mean while at the other side of the sea Takato and Ruki stronger their forces.

And you can read all past chapters of the marching fishes in the links below or in AO3

ACT 1. ESCENE 1: THE RAIN

ACT 1. ESCENE 2: THE WILL  

ACT 1. ESCENE 3: THE TRIP

ACT 1. ESCENE 4:THE SON

ACT 2. SCENE 1: THE ARRIVAL

ACT 2. SCENE 2: BROTHERHOOD

ACT 2. SCENE 3: MOTHER | **warning suicide attempt**

ACT 2. SCENE 4: THE BATTLE OF THE IKKAKU ISLAND

ACT 3. SCENE 1: THE INTERROGATION

ACT 3. ESCENE 2:  DELIVERY

ACT 3. ESCENE 3: RED DRESS

ACT 4. ESCENE 1:TRIAL

ACT 4. ESCENE 2: THE SAINT QUEEN

ACT 4. ESCENE 3:THE SPY

ACT 4. ESCENE 4: INTRUDERS

ACT 4: SCENE 5: THE BROKEN SWORD

ACT 5: SCENE 1: THE WIDOW

ACT 5: SCENE 2: WELCOME HOME

ACT 5 : SCENE 3: FAITH

ACT 5: SCENE 4: LIONHEART

ACT 5: SCENE 5: THE PRICE TO PARADISE

One day past, and then another, and another, and another. 

All he want was to back to normality, back to the long days haunting on the forest and the short nights on the arms of his lover. 

But all he get from Yamato was silence, coldness, indifference, sometimes even fear.

At the begining Taichi thought that he only needed time, a few nights to cry over his lost friend, that at some point the both would talk about it, but that time never came.

And everyday that past the air felt  thicker between them,  he want to scream and run and fight, but they put him against an enemy he would never beat, a bigger obstacule than Yamato´s  bitterners 

His sister talked  and whispered  and sang, always the same  nonsense, Hikari  continues all day every day, she join him for breakfast and dinner, she walked him around the halls of the castle and in the meetings with the council; and when she was not there, Koushiro was, and when they disappear and he finally could breath it was night, and he was left alone on his room with his wife. 

And Yamato guarded the room 

And Sora looked at him demanding something that he refuse to give 

And everything he could think about was Yamato outside the room 

 And the woman inside the room grew impatient, but also proud; she wasn´t going to beg and he wasn´t going to bend.  

In the morning Hikari was waiting for him outside the room, and Yamato looked at the floor and Taichi died for explain him that nothing happened, that he never touch her as he had touch him, but his little sister smile at him, and the routine begins again.

Days and nights, thoughts that what could be tormented him, he should stay on the island for the execution of Iory and Ken; he should never come back for the war; sometimes he wonder if it was bad luck that Kouji stroke that arrow... 

“What a wonderful moon” Hikari exclaim when the same cheerful voice,  maybe a little bit cheerful that the usual “you should rest, go to bed earlier tonight” 

As if he want that,  between the eyes of the lights and the lies of the crown it was the Kingdom, if something allowed him not to drown was his duty, his work, the only vow that he hadn't  broken, so he devoted himself, he worked late, hardly and constand.

“ If you need rest go to your room” he smiled stacking a pile of papers that could totally wait until next morning “ This is important Hikari”  He lied, in the corner of his eye it was Yamato, of course, silence Yamato guarding the door in the room when only he and his sister where, if only, if this time she would let them alone 

“Is not as important brother, you know...” a little red appear on her sister cheeks “this moon is a powerful augury, this night  could be the night” 

“The night?” 

“You know…” It was not the presence of his sister what bothered him, sometimes he felt that Hikari did not exist anymore, they had somehow replaced the sweet girl who was scared of the shadows, the annoying young woman who scolded him about his manners, who joked, who laughed, for one more of them, an endless recital of light proverbs, a tool for their scams  “because it such a beautiful full moon” she mamble 

“ the moon?” but behind her rosy cheeks Taichi somehow saw a glimpse of his little sister “ should I let my work because of the moon?” 

“Brother!” Hikari was there “You may not know, but the moon is a light vessel, its dictade the fluctuations of the soul, enlight the spirit, especially those from  women” she avoided his eyes “and I don't ask you to quit your job, just to focus on one of greater importance” 

Taichi late a minute to catch up on her words “What you want Kari?”

“Is not about what a i want brother! is more about what I know” she lowered her voice Was she trying to prevent Yamato from listening to them? 

“I dont think you know as much as you think”

“I have been studying the texts, I have looked at the stars, I have prayed every day since your return, I have ..."  she stuttered "I have monitored the fluctuations in the queen's body, believe me, toning must be the night”  the knight at the door turn around 

He stand up, livid in anger and shame  “you have no right!”

“Brother!” 

“Dont you dare!” he feels the rage burning his skin “Dont call me brother when you act like nothing more that a priest!”

“I only want the best for you!”

“The best for me? is this the best for me? did I look like the best I had been? HOW?! How you have time for stars and book and prayers when you are watching me all day?!”

“I´m not…”

“Yes you are! Do you think i don´t know? that I´m stupid?! You are here talking about trues and life and you lie and kill”

“I never…”

“You are killing me Hikari, don´t you see? all this pat that your light draw end with my death” he laughs, sitting again “ you are just like the rest of them, are you still my sister Hikari? are something of you still there?”

“What do you mean? of course im your sister”

 “Then talk to me,  ask me if I want any of this, act as if you care when I´m suffering!”

“Of course I care! but brother you must know, suffering is how we gains forgiveness, sacrifice  will give us the eternal paradise, is the only way for The Light to enter in our souls “ the words of a priest, Hikari spoke with such a devotion, Taichi was sure she believes every single line “Only through suffering can we atone our sins”

“what do you know about my sins?”

she said nothing but her eyes move to the door 

“Live me alone sister” His voice drop a shadow between them 

“I cant…I have orders ”

“orders from who? You are nothing more than a lady of the court” 

“I´m a sister of The Light!”

 “No you are not! you are  a tool! a pretty face that they train to recitate old passage! They haven't even let you give the votes!, did you know why? “ he stand up “because you are the princess of the mountains, you are the key to our parents titles and everything than you are doing to me sister, they are gonna force on you too!  and I remind you I'm still the damn King of all the living land and I command you to leave me alone!”

She shook and tremble, her little body looked like it would broke 

“Yes your majesty”  a little bow, not a single tear  “ I must inform you that the queen is waiting for you on your chamber” she walk out,  not before calling Yamato to follow her,  finally leaving him alone.

And felt alone indeed, not Hikari or Yamato turn back to looked at him when they walk away, he knew he had lost his sister, it was not sudden; slowly the claws of The Light had dragged her for years until they took control of her entire body, there was nothing he could do to get her back, but Yamato … 

Taichi leaves his study and walked with the head up and stop in front of the door with no guards, sacrifice would bring him paradise. 

Sora was sitting near to the window, holding a book she wasn't reading, it wasn´t even midnight when her husband appear. 

“You are late” you stupid, stupid man 

“I know” she didn't expect him to talk back, he never did,  He took so long but finally walked until her and took her hand, one knee on the floor “I need to know, did you want a son? is really your wish or is a mandate of The Light?” 

She move with confusion, only Taichi ever ask for what she want 

“I want a heir, I don't want the legacy of my father to died with me” he expect sincerity “and I… I wish for a baby, I want to be a mother it has nothing to do with The Light” 

“ fine, then I'm gonna need your word” 

“My word?” she was used to be ignore by him, but this? Taichi suddenly care and for onces she was completely lost 

“Yes, the promise that you won't kill me as soon as you have a heir” 

“I would never do that!” she rush and dear heaven he touch her shoulder; he had no right, when was the last time anyone touch her? was that his fear? that was what was holding him back?  a hope that she thought dead blooms 

“Promise me that you won't let them kill him” a stupid woman for a stupid man “Promise me….” 

“And what about the promises you made to me?  what about your lies? how you dare to ask me for anything!” 

“You need it to be my son” who was that men? why the sudden confidence? “promise me that you won't let them kill him”  he repeat “promise me that Yamato would be alright” the audacy

She thought in refuse, but only the fools fight a battle already lost. 

“You have my word” she didn't need his heart anyway, she only needs his body, his  touch, his hands, his strong arms took her and carried to their bed “But you must never lie to me again” 

That's smile, he closed his eyes and stroked her skin, what a horrible way to be a gentleman, if only she care, if only they had not already passed the point of no return. 

 She undress herself, he do the same. 

If it was a defeat, she hope every failure in life feels that good

[lalasfanfic]

The path of last resort

“The war was as brutal as it was quick, people are questioning  how this would revolutionize war. Though similar tactics can be seen, from other armed groups such as terrorist organisations. This has been seen on a larger scale, and has been more successful. The army of Maldonia-” 

She lost track of time being in this room encompassed by darkness surrounded by TV's tunnel light. Time here was almost non existent, and barely any difference between one minute or an hour.

As for Naveen his days have been spent in front of one TV screen after another, becoming a seasoned politician, the Maldonian citizens jaws have dropped. Forever believing that instead of having a real king they will always have a non bratty spoiled rich kid in the palace. This wasn’t a concern for them, peace has been with the country for decades, and seen only little reason for it to be disruptive.

Unfortunately time has passed and even Naveen had receded further back into the palace. His charismatic spell slowly began to wear off, as the reality turned from sobering to horrific. 

The knocking on the door was light and did nothing to crack through the miserable atmosphere. The creaking of the door spelled through the air, their footsteps sharpen the anxiety any sound, proof, that there was life beyond these four walls of darkness. with the muted light and sounds of the TV surrounding it.

The steps didn’t stop, the anxiety didn’t either, creating tears that threaten her eyes while sharp glass burred into her stomach. Just when I thought it became to much...A different type of warmth seeped in. A warmth that was forgiving, inviting, she type of warmth that she craved. She didn't even realize how intense the need was, existing in her own world as nothing more than a fragment of her old self. So when that hug was given. It was like the first signs of life at spring, after a long slumber in winter. Breathing each other in knowing deep down that they where meant for each other. finally after so much has passed feeling alive “ i’m sorry” “sh,sh,sh no one can blame you, you did what was right. you only wanted to protect our people, you didn’t start this but this will end.” His apparition of a voice was the clearest and the brightest thing in the room. an anchor that held her down in the deep sea of misery.

their steps where tentative, blindly going into the unknown. At peace knowing they where with each other. Making it on the balcony they drunk in the air, the flowery aroma decorated the place. Resting heavily in the arms of Naveen until finally she was able to rest, falling in the and out of conscious on the rolling waves of emotion I finally came too.  

It was still night time when they bundled up in the familiar scents and  comfortable soft weight and strong love. To see on my right, a metal top covering two meals and two glasses of campaign. She started to move slightly, only to be grabbed back almost crushingly. “Hey Naveen I’m ok... But if you stop crushing me I’ll be even better.” A near jolt of realization went through him causing him to relax his arms ...But not letting go. Not by a long shot. “are you sure?”changing his mind apparently getting out from under her in less than a minute “because I’m here for you. You that right?”  unavailing two meals with a hint of a flourish. “I mean you mean seemed to always know that but I wanted to let you know.” appearing to have a new found energy, energy she wished she could say appeared to come from a healthy source. “Naveen I -you don’t...”holding her arms out to sooth the worry in her eyes, etched into his face. “no, no, no, you need to rest. I can take care of this. I can take of you-” he tried to bundle her up again only for her to give him a kiss to calm him down. Only to fall back calming us both down, relaxing into each other, sinking more into each other weight. with our hold on each other slowly becoming a need strong enough to isolate the world around them.

leaving them to communicate through touch and taste. Each feel a letter, each stroke a syllable and their embrace..? Each movement of their own a language all their own. Their break away moment was nearly a fight with torment, Naveen slumped further down onto her, and she into the chair. “don’t cha think your rushing things a bit?” slowly wrapping her arms around him preventing him to run off and go into another nervous haste around the room. “I don’t think we’re going too fast” his voice dripping with honey and heavy with lust, nipping at the  delicacy which was her hip bone . Fits of giggles tumbled out as Naveen continued “but no really, I know things changed dramatically for the worse, in unimaginable ways but your not in this alone. WE did what WE thought was right. you -” placing a finger to his lips not to silence but to sooth “ you don’t need for such a horrendous plan, I know how this will go down in history books.” “Then will take it out, no one will have to know.” the windows of her soul glistened with unshed tears reminiscent  of fresh morning dew. A clam sobering pale light, of melancholy calm painted over her, as she lovingly soothed him “ I want people to know, I want people to see me for exactly who I am warts and all. More importantly to go down this path as a last resort.” 

Their time there was spent feeding each other, cozying up with one another. When a drop of wine fell on me, disoriented by the wine, uncharacteristically giggles bubbled up up from the act. Looking up at the swimming world, when she noticed the look in his eyes...and his heavy dependence to chair we where both laying in, but the look in his eyes they reflected  hunger. His eyes traveled from where the drop started to where it raced down. From her collar bone to the valley between her breast and lower... 

Without warning he made me his feast, and oh so suddenly finding more on me. Each lick, nibble, and suck across my body was a wave slowly receding from the shore. Building up the Pressure of anticipation a crack in her resolve. Till the hunger grew in her too, grabbing his belt buckle in a lust filled haze. feebly he tried to move her hands away, but a rub to his more private area had him moaning. The bulge in his pants suddenly looking a little too tight, nearly causing him to fall on her. 

It’s hard to maneuver in a lawn chair but, laying beside him getting to taunt him, tease him, i was able to play him like a fiddle. Using this time to spoil him because I knew when he had his hands on me again. It would be earth shattering. Tasting him was something I couldn’t get enough if of, not needing the champagne to get me this drunk. He was all I needed “stop, please” he strained his voice to plead. Then he rolled me over, and suddenly my dress became a pool in front of the lawn chair..

Not that, that mattered now, he continued to edged my pearl. Massaging it in as traveled up and down my slit, until I was trembling, in glistened skin. short of breath, and opening myself wider, to allow him to taste me slowly...exploring me in every nook and cranny. He saw my body as a paradise worthy to explore, by his enthusiasm it seemed like he was on the brink of starvation...as he continued to get drunk off me.  

writers note:    

sorry about the grammar I hope it wasn't too bad i cant post the son but it’s officially missing you by brasstracks

coming to you live 1x, so if you like this I hope you 💖, & share or leave a comment xoxo 💋

[cnc-hoebayb]

Zoo lights w/ Erick

Day 2 of this little marathon, so have some Erick fluff

I mention a song in this so if you wanna listen to “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” like halfway through it should match up with the ending ❤️

.

“Erick, espera!!” You chase after him, slamming the car door behind you. The sidewalks are slick with a clean cover of snow, and at this point you’re basically following his footprints.

He’s already out of sight and you trace his steps with yours. As you turn the corner, the same busy crowd you expected stops you. And at the gate alone with a childish apologetic look stands Erick.

“Tienes los boletos...” he admits and you laugh at his attempt to ditch you. “Lo siento, I’m just excited”

You grab his hand and interlock it with yours as payback, but he doesn’t mind. “Me too,” you admit and start speed walking towards the ticket counter, “so hurry let’s go,”

.

Beyond the gate of the building, you’re met with an endless string of lights and displays. The sidewalks are lined with small lantern like bulbs, and every tree is draped with twinkling orbs.

In the snowy night, it seems like a glistening paradise. You look at Erick and he’s in just as much awe as you are. He’s staring with his mouth wide open and taking it all in. You take your phone sneakily out of your pocket and snap a quick picture of him before he can see.

You glance at it before you put it back into your pocket and, yup, new wallpaper material for sure.

“Es maravilloso,” he says out loud and you can’t help but smile. The two of you come every year and he still reacts the same no matter what. He loved this damn place.

You tug at his hand in yours and point towards the path, “Pa’ alla,” he follows you to the arched walkway tunnel covered in multicolored lights.

The zoo that did this event every year was probably the biggest one you’ve ever been to. Every year there was always something new to see and more to explore of the huge lot.

So when the scenic trail had ended and left you guys to make a decision where to wander, you’d almost break out in a sprint, needing to cover as much ground as you could.

He always let you pick first, so this time you opted for the hot cocoa stand by the penguin habitats. You zoom to make it before the line got too long and wait excitedly for your drink.

“Im so cold,” Erick hops in place to keep himself warm, “Baila conmigo.” He demands and you laugh at him, “Erick, what the hell?? Por que?”

He shivers like a chihuahua and blows warm air into his hands, “Because i can’t wait for this hot cocoa and i need to be warm right n Ow....So please dance with me.” You want to protest but he always had a way of making you feel like you needed to protect him, so you take his hand and start to twirl around with him.

You both spin back and forth, the small movements already making it feel a little warmer. He holds you close and it’s a little mix of bachata and something else you can’t quite explain. His shivering stops and starts to make up a random tune for you to dance to, humming and singing nonsense words out loud.

You bump into each other after a spin and almost knock into the people behind you. They give an angry look and you guys try not to laugh at the situation. You decide to stop dancing and instead quickly step up next in line at the stand.

With warm drinks in hand, and an energetic start to the night, you’re ready to roam.

You make way from the lion enclosure, all the way to the sea otters, stopping in between to see the pandas. Each exhibit had an array of lights and decorations surrounding the outside of the animals’ walls, all even with cute light up cartoons.

“Toma un foto,” you heard Erick say from behind you. You turn to see him squatting down in front of the lit up monkey characters, making a million different faces and constantly changing poses.

“I’m sending these to the boys,” you snap some good ones and start running in the opposite direction. “T/N doNT-“ he starts chasing you into the distance.

You make way to where a little local band is playing Christmas music by a carousel. Kids are running around playing in the snow and everyone else is dancing around having fun. Erick catches up to you and takes in the scene.

“Have they always had a carousel??” You look at the structure in shock, not knowing if you were hallucinating things. “I feel like it’s oddly familiar but i have no idea,” you finish and Erick chimes in with a “wooooww”

You look at him confused, “what?” You say as he crosses his arms. “Tú no recuerdes, dont you?” His tone is defensive and you laugh at him. “Noo, why’s it such a big deal?”

“Woooowww,” he continues and starts walking in a big circle, making a damn scene. “Erick stop iT” you get embarassed and jump on his back to quiet him down. He grabs on to your legs to hold you up on him and piggy backs you to the carousel.

He plops you down next to a giraffe and a purple dragon. “See now this looks familiar for some reason,” you touch the dragon with a playful smile and he rolls his eyes. “Bro stop doing that if you’re not gonna tell me what’s going on,” you jump onto the giraffe and wait for him to talk.

“3 years ago,” he starts, waiting for you like he wanted you to finish his sentence. “Yes....?” You question and he grunts frustratedly again. There’s nothing left for you to do but laugh because you’re so confused and he’s being so annoying like this. He won’t let it go.

He jumps onto the dragon next to you and leans on the pole on his side. “We were here 3 years ago with all of our friends,” he explains and you nod “ya i remember.”

“Good, so you remember that was when we first started going out, right?” A lightbulb flashes in your head and it rushes back to you. “YES! It was like our first date with our friends with us i think,” he claps his hands and sighs with relief. “Sí sí, so you at least remember that,”

You look around the carousel and it’s surroundings to piece together more of the memory. Every thing around you makes it feel like deja vu, and it pours back when the band starts playing the next song.

“Have yourself,

A merry little Christmas..”

Your eyes light up and you look up at Erick across from you. “I remember, this song that night-“ he stops to listen and his cheeks blush.

“I almost forgot this song was playing,” he says and the carousel starts up out of nowhere, lights flashing on and the floor begins to spin. You start to retell the story as you remember more and more.

“It was the end of the night and it was about to close,” the animals you’re seated on start moving up and down so you’re talking to him from different angles. “And we came here for one last ride before we left,”

“You basically ran to this giraffe,” he added to your story, “you didn’t want any kids to steal it.” You laugh as you recollect the thought. “I remember being so nervous for some reason,” you admit on the past. “You held my hand in front of everyone and it made me sooo nervous,”

He gives you the *What can i say* shoulder shrug and you glare at him. “So i didn’t say a word to you the whole carousel ride, i just listened to this song until we stopped.” You point at the band as the keep playing.

“From now on,

Our troubles will be miles away,”

They sing sweetly and it makes your heart glow to remember it all so perfectly now.

“And when it stopped your giraffe was too high off the ground for you,” Erick finished for you. “You wouldn’t admit you were too afraid to jump down so i helped lift you off.” The carousel stops and everyone around you hops off.

“And then my jacket zipper got stuck onto yours and i was so afraid to be that close,” you add and jump down off your giraffe, Erick from his purple dragon. He encloses your hands in his and stops you in the middle of the aisle. “And when i finally untangled us, i remember wanting to touch you so bad that i pretended you had a snowflake stuck on your face,”

He reaches up to recreate how he did it, pushing a piece of hair behind your ear and running his thumb across your cheek. You blush and feel exactly how you did 3 years ago.

“I was afraid to kiss you. I didn’t know if you wanted to or not,” he explains. “But the music was so perfect and so were you, i just had to take the chance.”

“So hang a shining star

Upon the highest bough,”

You see the twinkle in his eye and agree, “the song was pretty perfect wasn’t it?”

You lean in to meet his glance, his finger still tracing the lining of your face. “I was really glad you did that that night,” you wrap your arms around the back of his neck, “i would have never had the guts to do it first.” The band dies down slowly and the carousel lights dim once again.

“So have yourself,”

You plant your mouth to his, feeling the smile on his lips against yours. He sways you side to side to the music and snow falls onto your cheeks. It feels like the first time all over again.

“A merry little Christmas now....”

[samcro-saint99]

Rooting for my Baby

Hey Dolls! So this is one I wrote a day or so ago and forgot to post. It is based on ‘Rooting for my baby’ by Miley Cyrus, which is a banging song, so I hope you all enjoy it. 

All my Love, 

Saint xxx

When you wake in the morning and I can tell it’s not your best side No good morning today I stay to the right if I know you’re mad You’re on the left side, stay out of your way

Your eyes blinked open, turning to find with relief that Jax had come home last night. Things had been getting complicated for the club lately since Jax had started to try and move the club out of guns and into legitimate business, to make it the club his father had dreamed of, which had lead to more late nights and a lot of weight to fall on his shoulders.

He sat up, swinging to sit on the side of the bed, head hung low.

“Morning, baby” you said sweetly, sitting up cross legged in bed.

“Mornin’” he returned gruffly without turning around.

You knew that tone. That was his stressed tone, his spiralling tone, and you knew when he was like this the best thing you could do was stay out his way, and just try to do what you could to make things easier.

So you jumped out of bed, rushing to the bathroom, before heading down the hall to change Abel, and then prepare his milk.

Just hold on In a minute it’ll be over and gone Gone gone gone gone

Your heart broke whenever he was like this, because you knew he was struggling. He was hurting. He was being torn apart by what was right and what was lawful. As always, this mood would pass, he would have another win that would bring you all one step closer to paradise.

This wasn’t the man that you had married, but you knew that it would get better, you had faith in him.

If you were here I’d get you a beer and I would hang your clothes You wanna behold So you roll up your sleeves and you sweat and breathe This is a long road, so much more to go

It was about 3 ‘clock in the afternoon when Jax came home, which was odd because he was usually spending all him time with the club trying to get things sorted.

“Hey baby, your home early” you called out when you heard him come through the door.

“I’ve gotta go out again in an hour or two, I’ve got a meeting in Stockton” he said with a sigh.

“MILF Madam?” You asked with a raised brow

You’d thought trying to be cheeky might make him smile, even just a little. He simply nodded.

He looked up at you as you handed him a beer, before you started to slide his kutte off, hanging it over a chair. You sat down on the couch beside him, putting your arm around his shoulder and pulling him into lie on your chest. He let out a heavy exhale as you began to stroke his hair, his eyes falling heavy, the sound of your steady heart beat calming the voices in his head.

As you sat there with him, you kept thinking how long this road was going to be, but you believed in him. You believed in the good of the man you loved. You believed he would make this work. It was never going to be easy, but you believed in him.

See I’ve been dream catching I thought that this is everlasting A life filled with you, me. love and laughter Happily ever after

You rolled over to find nothing but empty space in the bed beside you, looking at the alarm clock, it was 2 o’clock, and you knew that Jax was home because his rings were beside the bed.

You tip toed softly down the hall, looking in to check that Abel was okay, to see him sleeping soundly in his crib. By the time you had made it to the kitchen, you found him sitting at the table, his face buried in his hands, palms pressed to his eyes.

“Hey…” you whispered quietly

He sat up alertly, taking in the site of his wife; messy bun, oversized t-shirt, and fluffy socks. Beautiful.  

“You should be in bed” he muttered

“It was feeling pretty lonely” you stated as you sat down across from him.

Nothing was said, and everything that wasn’t being said sat awkwardly in the air.

After taking a deep breath you started to speak. You had to speak.

“I know I need to let you work this out, but I need to say this. And I normally try to stay out of club stuff but because I am your wife and I care about you, so I am butting in.”

“[Y/N]” he says, looking at you with those sad blue eyes.

“You are going to make this happen. I know you will. The boys know you will. I cant even begin to imagine how much pressure you much be feeling right now, but I know how hard you are trying. And I know that when this is all over, we are all going to be happy, living the simple life, as one big, happy, weird family of misfits. You and the boys will spend the day running around as the merry little band of pimps, and I will spend the day trying to survive your mother. Then at the end of the day, you will come back to a home with a family who loves you. A wife who adores you, a son who thinks the world of you” you stopped a little out of breath, all your emotions pouring out as you walked to stand in front of him, taking his hand in yours.

“….and a baby who will see all the good that their daddy bought to this town.” You finished, laying his hand over your stomach.

He looked up at you, eyes wide with wonder, a small smile creeping onto his lips. He leant in to kiss your invisible bump, before he stood placing his hands at the back of your neck, pulling you in to a kiss, only stopping to whisper, “I love you, thank you for staying”, his lips only inches from yours.

It was all going to be okay. People should really listen to you more often.

[angstkawa-blog]

Every Day, I love You

Every Day, I Love You

Adaptation of Every Day by David Levithan

“And nothing else is right

You're laced inside my mind

I'm holding on, I know it's wrong

But I can't see your soul”

                          -In my Head by Peter Manos

7:00 AM

Waking up always felt the same, except it’s not entirely like that. I sat up and the first thing I did was to take a look in the mirror to see who I was today. A girl, maybe around nineteen, a redhead, tons of freckles, turquoise eyes, an athletic figure, pretty.

“Allie! You’re taking the bus today, your dad and I will be going to work a bit early today. There’s dinner ready in the fridge, we won’t be home until late eleven, love you sweets!”

I heard the door closing and an engine going off before all went silent.

Taking the girl’s wallet, I took out an ID and read it.

Guess I’m Alison Paige today.

My eyes scanned the crowd for a face that I wanted to see. There were too many students and I wasn’t even sure where to start looking.

“Al!”

I turned around to see his smile. The dimples that poked his rosy cheeks, his chocolate waves that were ever so unruly, how his green eyes sparkled as they bathed underneath the sunlight. He looked at me with so much happiness that I forgot what sadness is.

“C-Charlie.”

“C’mon, don’t want Mills after our tails again for being late.”

I followed him, still in a daze. I knew he was here but I never thought he would be this close. I didn’t even have to go looking for him; he came to me. Like an eager puppy, I became his tail and followed him to wherever this Mills was.

“Took you long enough.”

A girl with messily chopped up hair approached us and threw an arm around me. Her eyes were the darkest shade of browns, it could be mistaken for black even. She gave me a smirk before pinching my cheek.

“Sorry Mills, just caught this girl here looking lost.” Charlie said, going over to Mills’ side.

So this is Mills. The girl Charlie’s been so into ever since day one.

“Lost? You’ve been coming here since you were like, kinder.” Mills said, snorting “You sure you weren’t hooked up on something last night?”

“W-What? Uhm, no?”

She laughed and ruffled my hair, I frowned. I didn’t like it that she was treating me like a little kid.

“Alright cutie.”

A guy came to us and I saw him wrap his arm around Mills’ waist, my eyes glanced over at Charlie who still had that goofy smile on his lips but it was clear in his eyes that he was uneasy.

I glanced at my imaginary wristwatch before I gently took Charlie’s hand and tugged him “Well, uhm, we’ll be going to our first period now. We’ll see you guys later.”

“See ya cuties!”

I didn’t know where I was headed, didn’t do my research. All I knew was that I didn’t like the look in Charlie’s eyes.

“Where are we going, sweetheart?”

I stopped in my tracks, his deep voice sending chills down my spine “Uhm, to first period?”

“We passed by Trillie’s room minutes ago.”

“Oh.” I say, not knowing who this Trillie is nor where her room was nor did I know what our first period even is.

“You’re just trying to get me away from Bryan, aren’t you?”

A weak laugh left my lips “No…?”

“Al, you’re like a sheet of plastic cover, I can see right through you.”

I rubbed the back of my neck and shrugged. He chuckled and shook his head as he pulled me out into the fields.

I bet Alison’s mom and dad weren’t going to like it if they heard their daughter skipped classes.

“What are we doing here?” I asked as I watched him sit down underneath the shade of an old Oak tree.

“Aren’t you going to save this poor lad from a bitter heartache?”

I snorted before I sat down beside him, crossing my legs and leaning back against the trunk of the tree.

“It’s funny though.” He said.

“What is?”

“You weren’t this caring before, it’s like someone possessed you.”

I chuckle nervously, shaking my head “Guess I was an idiot.”

“Duh.”

I turned my head to look at him. He had his eyes closed and he looked, tired.

Why is this Alison so dense?

“What’s wrong?” he asked, and I was greeted with his emerald eyes, their mirth gone.

“You look tired, why? You look better happy.”

He blinked, his mouth opening to speak before he closed it again. And suddenly, I felt something warm against my lips. For the briefest moment that our lips touched, I felt envy. I envied that I’d never get to be Alison again.

“I am tired, Al, thanks for pointing that out.”

“I’m not Al.” I whispered before I leaned in to kiss him again.

I felt his hand reaching up to hold my cheek, feeling his fingers caressing my skin. He held me close and I felt his heart beating, I could taste how bittersweet this is. I heard my own heart beating against my ribcage, echoing.

We pulled back and I stared up at his eyes, they looked back at mine with so much care and adoration.

I wish I could be Alison every day.

“I’m drunk.” I mumbled to him.

“No, you’re not.”

“Sue me.”

He chuckled and he held me close to him, resting his chin on my head “Let’s go to class.”

---

7:00 AM

A sharp pain shot up my spine as I tried to move. Wincing, I looked around and saw I was in a mess of a room. My head was pounding and I felt the urge to vomit. Rushing towards the bathroom, barely even making it, I threw up on the sink. I raised my head up and saw the familiar face of Mills looking back at me.

The ride to school was a blur, literally.

What was she doing last night? I internally screamed, feeling the urge to vomit again.

“Baby.”

Oh no, no, not him.

“Bryan.”

“You okay? You look pale.” He chuckled and leaned closer “Was it because of last night?”

I shook my head and pushed him away, feeling sick. I wanted to go back to being Ali, I hated this body. I hated every inch of it.

“Hey, Mills.” Bryan grabbed my wrist and pulled me back “Where are you going?”

“T-To class?”

“To class? What? Are you kidding me? Dang, was it that strong enough to make you like this?” he looked at me quizzically, his brows furrowed together “Come on, let’s go.”

He started pulling me the opposite direction of the hallways, towards his car and my eyes widened.

“U-Uhm, I’m busy today, Bryan. I can’t come with you.”

His grip only tightened, as if he didn’t hear me. I looked around frantically and saw Charlie.

Our eyes met and he frowned, I mouthed “Help.”

Without hesitation, he jogged over and was in front of Bryan in an instant.

“Woah dude, what are you doing hauling off your girl in the broad daylight?”

I broke free from Bryan’s grip and backed away, Charlie coming to my side in an instant. Bryan eyed the both of us before someone called his attention. He stared for what felt like an eternity before turning back on us and going over to the guy who called him.

“You look terrible.” Charlie said.

“Yeah, I know, thanks. You look great yourself too.”

“Alison.”

“…Alison? What happened?”

He shrugged, his eyes going over to glance at a familiar redhead who was laughing with a group of girls.

She probably doesn’t remember what happened yesterday.

“I’m sorry…?” I said uncertainly, which caused him to look at me with a frown.

“You’re awfully out of character today Mills.”

“Am I?”

He shrugged again and headed off, I followed him, unsure of what to do. We ended up underneath the same Oak tree we went to yesterday. I bit my lip, watching him as he sat down.

“What do you want, Mills?”

“W-What?”

“Every time you and your dude fight, you always come to me. Why?”

I stood there, speechless. I wanted to say that I was the Alison who kissed you, that I was the Yvonne who wiped away your tears that one February night, that I was the Mica who swapped your spiked drink with my own, that I was the Adam who helped you get close to Mills, that I was the Tyler who listened to you rant about your family, that I was the Zia who ended our relationship because I wasn’t committed enough to us and didn’t want you stuck because the Zia who wasn’t me was too selfish, that I was the Xin who told you that you were cute.

That I was a different person every time and I would always go to you, I would always go to you because I loved you the moment I saw you smile and heard you laugh. I would always go to you because you were my paradise and my only hold on sanity because I don’t have anything else but you to keep me going.

“Mills?”

“I-I have to go.”

He rolled his eyes and he shook his head “Fine.”

“I’m not good for you, you shouldn’t be close to me anymore. Stay with Alison.”

“She’s as worse as you.”

I winced, that stung a lot. If only you knew, Charlie, if only you knew.

“I’m sorry.”

I turned around and headed out. It was too suffocating, too suffocating.

I felt like I wasn’t getting enough oxygen, felt too dizzy, felt too overwhelmed.

What am I doing?

“I’m so sorry.”

---

7:00 AM

I sat up, groaning. Stretching, I felt something warm beside me, frowning I shone the light of my phone and my mouth fell as I saw Charlie.

“Charlie?!”

I pushed him away from me, we were fully clothed, thankfully but who was I? What happened?

“Claire, what-?” I heard him groan from the floor where he fell “It’s still too early, come on, let me sleep.”

What’s going on?

He sat up and rubbed his eyes, he looked even more dreadful than he did yesterday.

“Charlie? What’s wrong?”

Looking at me, he chuckled “So now you care?”

I blinked, unsure of what to do. I want to tell him badly, I could see he was getting way too confused and affected by everything that’s happening.

“Charlie.”

“What?”

I love you.

“I’m sorry.”

I love you.

“For what?”

I love you.

“For everything.”

I love you, I’m sorry.

“What are you even talking about?” he asked, frowning as he sat on the bed. I felt the tears falling, I felt my hands shaking. I hate this, I hate myself, this is disgusting.

“H-Hey, Claire, I’m sorry…” he said softly, I still heard the confusion in his voice but that didn’t stop him from pulling me in for a hug.

“It’s always you…” I whisper, closing my eyes as I took in a shaky breath “I’m always finding myself coming back to you.”

He was quiet as I started talking, may as well call me a psycho for telling him who I was before and what I did to him. Would he believe me, I’m not sure, but I don’t want to ruin him.

I finished talking and he was quiet, his hold on me loosened, I couldn’t see his face. I didn’t know what he was thinking, I didn’t know what expression he has on, I didn’t know if I was way too much of an idiot to have let my emotions get the best of me.

And suddenly, he let me go, stood up and walked out of the door.

---

7:00 AM

I woke up, feeling my eyes sting. I didn’t know who I was today. I didn’t want to look. I laid there, staring at the dark. Why is this happening to me? I was so tired of living like this.

Avoiding any mirrors, I knew I was going to be someone from Charlie’s life. This much I knew. Every person I had been, they were all connected to Charlie one way or another.

I was never going to be able to avoid him.

I arrived at school early. There wasn’t much people around yet. Unconsciously, my feet took me towards the same Oak tree in the fields. I sat down and leaned back, closing my eyes and sighing.

Who knows how long time passed until someone tapped my shoulder. I opened my eyes to see two green eyes looking at me, eyes that were full of concern, full of tiredness.

“Uhm, by any chance, were you Claire, Mills, Alison and a lot more in the past?”

I blinked, staring at him.

“Right, sorry, I’ll just-“

“Charlie.”

He looked at me, his eyes suddenly filled with, dare I say, hope.

“Yeah?”

“It’s me.”

Emotions ran through his face but I was able to catch every single one of it. Relief, confusion, sadness, and a little bit of anger.

“It’s you.”

“Yeah.”

“What’s your name?”

I proceeded to take out my wallet to check an ID but I felt his hand stopping mine. I looked up and he shook his head.

“Your name.”

“I don’t know.”

“Are you…a girl or a guy?”

“I don’t know. Would it be weird if I was a guy?”

He chuckled, “I don’t know.”

I shrugged “I don’t know anything about me besides who I am today.”

“So…every day you…change into someone else?”

“Yeah, I noticed they’re all someone who’s connected to you. Who is this girl I’m in today?”

“She’s Eva, Secretary of the school council, someone I only talk to whenever school stuff is involved.”

“I see.”

“Avery.”

I looked at him, frowning in confusion “Avery?”

“Your name, Avery. I’ll call you Avery. You change every day and yeah, you get it.”

A laugh left my lips “It’s weird, I don’t ever remember being given a name.”

“Well, you’re my Avery now.”

---

7:00 AM

I wake up and felt a smile on my face. Avery. Avery.

My name is Avery.

The days pass and Charlie only meant more and more for me. He was everything. He was my ground, he kept me steady, unwavering.

But I know this can’t last.

“Charlie?”

“Hmm?”

“This girl’s family is very loving.”

“Mhhmm.”

“She’s really cute too.”

“Hmmm.”

“Her name is Avery as well.”

He looked at me, eyes showing confusion. I gave him a pained smile as I held his cheek, caressing it.

“Charlie…”

“I don’t like that tone Ave…”

“Charlie, you know we can’t keep on going like this…”

He sat up from lying down on my lap, shaking his head “But I’m fine.”

“I’m not.” I whispered “I love you Charlie but I can’t stand hearing what they say about you just because they’ve seen you going out with different men and women every day. I can’t.”

“Ave…”

“So, listen to me, okay? I’ll make sure that this Avery remembers you. I’ll give her every memory of us. I’ll give her all of my love for you. I’ll let her be your Avery. I don’t know how, but I will make it work. Be with her, okay?”

I felt him pulling me close, felt him burying his head on my shoulder, felt his heavy breaths and trembling hands.

My hands reached up to embrace him and we stayed like that for awhile, quiet, holding each other, trying. Eventually, he pulled back and he cupped my face, leaning in to give me a soft kiss that was terribly, painfully, bittersweet.

“I love you.” He whispers.

“I love you more, Charlie.”

“Stay with me.”

I gave him a nod, and the weakest of all weak smiles.

“I’m here.”

Night crept upon us and I was cocooned in Charlie’s embrace. I felt his fingers stroking my hair, his chin resting on top of my head.

“I won’t go looking for you, Charlie.”

He was silent.

“But please, remember this.” I removed his hold as I turn around to face him. I brushed back his bangs so I could look at him face to face.

“Even if I live a thousand lives, my heart will always be yours, intertwined, never faltering, infinite.” I gave him a smile as I leaned up to give him a kiss on the forehead.

“Because every day, I love you.”

---

??? AM

I open my eyes and sit up.

Everything was bright.                                                                  

I wasn’t in a room, I don’t know where I was but I felt peace for the first time.

There wasn’t anyone in sight but I heard a voice.

“Do you wish to go back to being Avery?”

Smiling, I shake my head.

“I’m happy now.”

end

[tumblunni]

Fuckinghell i got to That Part in USUM and it was even worse than i expected

Kfuckinh fuck i alreadyhated lusamine cos i hadan abusivemum like that in real life but this time i wanted to fucking stab her actual eyes out with my thumbs! How can a bad writing flub trigger such a huge ass panic attack in me!! Am i really that pathetic!! God im just sitting with my face in a fan cos im overheated as fuck i was all fight or flight mode just about hitting the A button and knowing the next scene i get will be Somehow Lusamine Was Right, in the place of the execellent callout scene lillie got in the original. So much actual detailed analysis of child abuse and now NOPE ITS OKAYMOMMY HURT U FOR A GOOD CAUSE

And what i hate so much is that they didmt even completely rewrite it! This isnt even an 'alternate universe story' where lusamine was a good mom, which would already be problematic in context but at least there'd be an excuse for it. Nah instead they just left in all the foreshadowing leading up to her being abusive and all the scenes of her being a fucl but just at the last second its ok cos something something necrozma.

Things that are still canon in this universe:

lillie and gladion ran away from their mother and nearly died on the streets and all that

Lusamine still controlled how much they acted and looked and etc that lillie has anxiety over picking her own damn clothes in a shop (and gladion mentions the same in an optional dialogue that also wasnt removed)

"Oh no its a big reveal that aether foundation is evil and working with team skull and they kidnapped lillie and now u have to fight thru an entire foundation full of evil murderous adults and also faba the fuckmeister supreme"

Lusamine wants to murder cosmog to open an ultra wormhole and laughs about it

Lusamine has an entire fuckin secret room full of pokemon corpses preserved in ice so they'll 'stay beautiful and never disobey'

Lusamine tells her kids theyre disgusting for disobeying her and she doesnt love them and never did and also they are selfish cunts for daring to want to be not abused

Then she fuckin attacks them, and you fight

Fuckin ALL THEY CHANGED was that at the end shes like 'but i do it cos necrozma bad and i was really save world'. And the writers seem to think that this somehow justifies her actions rather than just making her an equally evil equally abusive person who just has a dumb knight templar reason for why she thinks she's in the right. Like maybe you could say this would make her more redeemable in the end, i guess?? Like if she actually had a proper redemption plotline you could use this as a springboard to jump off in order to create that plotline. That she was once good and her evilness is a very specific sort of 'murder and hate is justified because my purpose is so important' kind of thing, which should honestly have led to her personality being entirely different and written entirely different. But you still actually have to write a redemption route! Shes not just suddenly good because she has a motive for being evil! And shes not even as redeemable as the other villain bosses, if we only hear about her 'good reason' AFTER we see her do everything evil! And her evil is so much more personal than the other bosses! Like maxie and archie were still likeable eveb before their VERY EXTENSIVE AND WELL WRITTEN redemption plot, because their evil plot was abstract and nonsensical ('destroy world') rather than actual detailed real life crimes to characters we care about. Abd very manipulative and deliberate ones! Maxie and Archie had it established very early on that they THOUGHT what they weredoing would improve the worls even if it was obvious they would actually destroy it. Lusamine didnt abuse her kids accidentally or because of a mistake, the only way she thought she was doing the right thing is that she thought her kids were ungrateful evil fucks who deserved being hurt because they MERELY WOULDNT OBEY HER EVERY WHIM! And we see this from the perspective of the kids who are very much just goddamn innocent kids and very much show actual realistic ptsd symptoms and relateable stories of abuse. So yeah lusamine already starts at a higher tier of villainy that would require more redemption than archie and maxie, even if you can technically say 'maybe her plan to beat necrozma via pet murder and child abuse might actually work'. (Or, in the origonal, that technically her plan was just to fuck off to another dimension of obedient mindless slave jellyfish and never come back, which is technically less wprld damaging than the hoenn guys.)

And just MANNNN what i really hate is that they didnt remove anything except like.. The parts where you sympathise with the kids. I feel like the scene of lillie at the clothes shop early on and the dramatic break in to aether paradise were just left in out of laziness more than anything. Like theres a lot of stuff that seems 'oh we have to do that cos thats how it went last time, but lets half ass it and rewrite the dialogue shorter and rush to my New Bits'. I feel like if someone played this first before sun and moon then half of the plot wouldnt make sense! But why did they choose to leave in just enough that it made lusamine still look like a monster, if she never gets her comeuppance!!!

And man i really fucking hate how they rewrote lillie and gladion during the big plot swrrve into LUSMINE HAD GUD REASONS 2 DO THE THING. Lillie says barely anything and gladion is suddenly all 'please stop because I CANT LOSEYOU ASWELL AS DAD, MOM' not fuckin please stop because you are murdering nebby and you just told me you dont love me. Andthen hebegs her to take him with her to fight necrozma becauseits type null's destiny to be a beast killer?? When just five seconds ago hehad unchanged dialogue about how he saved type null becauze he saw it was born and raised to be what its 'parent' wanted it to be, just like how lusamine abusively raised him. Like fuckin entire story about him escaping to be himself and give this lil frankendog a chance at a real normal life, just WHOOOSH right over the new writer's head...

And then THE FUCKIN WORST BIT is that they kept the same scene of lillie sleeping in lusamine's bed but changed all the dialogue to just 'i'll sleep here' *scene ends* rather than 'i remember when i used to sleep in her bed after nightmares when i was like five and thats the last time i can remember that it felt like she actually loved us, i need to sleep here again to say goodbye and steel myself to fight to save the world next time we see her'

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha nuance what is that complexity who is she never heard of her

Fuck that scene was so relateable cos thats literally what i did the day before i ran away from home.fuck you for removing it.

Fuck this game really is like a weirdass rom hack some other guy did of a game he didnt understand. It at least makes me feel better to know it was directed by a different team and isnt considered the 'final full version' like platinum and emerald and stuff. I felt practically gaslit when i was tryong to reconcile the idea someone could write a complex analysis of child abuse and then unwrite it as if it was never important. Was it never really intended to be abuse at all and i was just imagining it?? But nah no its just someone else handling the expansion pack for a game and turning it into an 'alternative story' with his different lame motiveless Bad Legendary villain cos somehow he didnt think the original was good enough. Fuck, it was the most emotional most terrifying villain boss of all time, fuckin geez what is wrong with you!

GUZMAAAA WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUUU

oh yeh did i mention that also Still Exists but the npc thats implied to be his abusive dad has his dialogue slightly rewritten to be 'my kid ran away on a pikemon journey and beat me' not 'i beat my kid but he beat me back'

God fuck u fuck this fuck EVERYTHING what goddamn motives do you have for removing a goddamn How To Spot Child Abuse manual for kids in game form. THIS ENTIRE PLOT WAS SO IMPORTANT IF I SAW THIS AS A KID I WOULDNT HAVE TRIED TO KILL MYSELF

gahhhahahahhhhh