#carol’s part’s about wanting to leave everything behind for her freedom

[ajaxxx-x]

The Mountain Goats were so good for writing a song about Hal and Carol failed toxic relationship

[graniairish]

Walking on eggshells

So this is my first own story here. I hope it is written in an understandable way. (Please ignore any grammatical errors. English is not my mother tongue.)

Title: Walking on eggshells

Words: 6761

Warnings: language (some explicit words), harassment and insults, heartbreak

Summary:

Daryl and reader have been close friends since the early days in Atlanta. They are deeply in love with each other but have no clue about it.

At some point new people join the community, including a young woman who is immediately after Daryl.

Reader is not exactly thin, no size zero, but also not fat, rather curvy, feminine. Even in this apocalyptic time. (you are just the way you are.)

Daryl has withdrawn more and more from reader, avoids contact. Reader believes he does that because he now has a perfect woman by his side.

However, Daryl avoids reader because he does not know how to deal with his feelings.

One day reader goes on a run that goes wrong. To save their group, the reader does a suicide stunt, that can cost her life.

--------------------------------------------------

"Ya even know what ya're doin’?"

Those were the first words Daryl Dixon had ever said to you.

It was still at camp in Atlanta. Daryl stood over you, the sun behind him, as he looked down at you as you made a stew from a basket full of leaves and mushrooms.

“Believe it or not, I know what I'm doing here. My mother taught me as a child which mushrooms and plants are edible, and which can be used as medicine."

He nudged his nose up in a nod.

"If ya say so."

With that he dropped something in front of you.

"Maybe the whole thin’ tastes like somethin’ with that," he said before he turned around and made his way back to his brother.

Your eyes followed him - confused. Only then did you notice that he had thrown about a dozen freshly hunted squirrels in front of you.

Maybe the grumpy redneck was not that bad after all, you thought to yourself with a smile as you started to skin and gut the dead animals.

It was not long before a friendship developed between you. You were the only one he really let near him after the disappearance of his brother and Sophia's death. And after the farm was overrun by Walkers, he was by your side to comfort you.

He was always there for you, just as you were for him. You cared for each other.

But you only noticed how deep the feelings really were on your side when Daryl - after the incident with Woodbury - had turned his back on you and everyone else and disappeared into the woods. Just to be with his brother.

The realization that you were infinitely in love with the withdrawn redneck hit you hard. And just seeing him walk away hurt you so much that you could not breathe.

Without knowing it, Daryl had broken your heart into a million pieces.

It felt like he took a part of you with him.

More and more you withdrew from the others. From time to time, you even slept in the old management office of the Prison, far away from the cell block, from everyone else, from your family. You just wanted to be left alone in your grief and heartbreak.

In the first time you had gone through hell emotionally and a psychological breakdown would not have been long in coming. And if it had not been for Maggie, you probably would not have found your way back.

She had been your solid rock and, without you really noticing, had become your best friend - your sister.

And after a while it got better. It did not hurt that much anymore. Although it was not quite true. It still hurt - hurt infinitely - but the distances that those waves of grief hit you grew larger.

And then suddenly Daryl was back.

It was a shock to you.

And the moment he moved back into his cell in the cell block, you moved out. There was no trace of you or your belongings in the whole building anymore.

Quietly, and without anyone noticing, you moved into the management's office - permanently. The thought of being so close to him - physically - without actually being able to be close to him was just unbearable for you.

And so you had retreated.

Daryl did not seem to mind. It almost seemed as if he had not even really noticed it.

You hardly had any contact with each other. He rarely talked to you, and if he did, then only what was necessary and as monosyllabic as possible. He even seemed to be avoiding you.

But that's how life works - hard and unfair.

And you cannot choose who to fall in love with.

The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return. But it only worked like that in movies and love songs, right? It did not work that way in real life, at least not for you.

As time goes by you had devoted all your concentration to your small farm. Your mother taught you how to handle plants as a child. In your previous life - before the apocalypse - you also had a vegetable garden with which you mostly tended yourself. So you knew the job and it was easy for you.

You lived in your own little world where you worked side by side with Rick and spent your meager free time with Maggie. Sometimes Carol would join you, but you had already noticed that she somehow always dropped a few comments about Daryl.

You did not want to talk about the redneck, let alone think about him. So, you ignored her as best you could - or at least her suggestions.

But it was not that easy. Your whole prison family knew how deep your feelings were for Daryl. No matter how hard you try to hide it, hide yourself from it.

Then Woodbury fell. New people came to the Prison and with them a young woman - Michelle. Probably only in her mid-twenties, model type, blonde, pretty. A typical homecoming queen.

To you, she made it seem like she had never worked hard in her entire life. She was the type of person who always muddled through, for her own benefit.

And just a few days after moving in, she was permanently on Daryl's heels. She asked questions, talked to him, spent most of the days near him.

But worst of all, she was openly flirting with the man you loved, and he did not seem to mind. Your stomach cramped painfully at the sight, and you had not been able to eat for two days.

Your heart, painstakingly patched together, broke one more time. After that you had avoided Daryl and his blond girl for almost a week, avoided them like the devil had shunned holy water.

But it could not go on like that. And at a certain point you realized: as long as Daryl was happy, nothing else mattered. At least for you.

To make matters worse, there was that cruel little voice in your head that kept whispering to you why Daryl was interested in Michelle and not you. It kept talking to you, all the time.

And then the little wheels in your head started spinning until you were caught in a vortex of thoughts.

She was thin and delicate; you were rather well built.

Her shoulders were narrow; yours were broad.

Her stomach was flat; but you had unmistakable love handles.

She had a firm, shaped ass; you childbearing hips - as your mother used to call it.

Her golden blonde hair always fell in gentle waves down her back. You always had your y/h/c ones in a messy bun. And after hours of hard work in the gardens, you always looked like a half-plucked chicken.

You would never have any chance of comparing yourself with this beautiful, gorgeous woman. Michelle was perfect.

You were just you.

But the worst part of this whole thing was that this woman could not leave you alone. She had won, the man was hers. What else did she want from you?!

Every now and then she dropped small comments, out of the earshot of others. But so that you could hear them very well.

"Hard to believe how one can be so well fed.”

“Are you secretly eating your way through our supplies?"

"Given your size, a whole bunch of Walkers could get fed up with you for a week."

It hurt, hurt infinitely. But you were willing to endure everything. You did not want to make a scene. Did not want to get upset, maybe to draw more unwanted attention to yourself.

In the depths of your heart, you only wanted one thing. You just wanted Daryl to be happy. Everything else does not matter to you.

But what you failed to notice in all your self-doubt and self-sacrifice was: Daryl was not happy.

You were both blind to each other's intentions, had no idea why the other acted the way he was doing.

But the inner circle of your family, especially Maggie and Carol, knew what was going on. And having to watch the two of you - while you did not notice it yourself - slowly but surely drove everyone to despair.

The whole thing was like a fucking soap opera!

You and Daryl had barely spent time together and avoided each other as best you could, so you had not noticed all the little signs that spoke volumes to all the others.

How his ears turn red when you have been near him.

How he sometimes looked at you a little longer than others.

How he changed his shifts in the guard tower just so he could take care of you when you were near the fences during your work.

The moment Daryl faced you for the first time since his return, the floor was torn from under his feet. When he saw your y/e/c eyes looking at him, he felt his heart swell. Warmth spread in his chest and he had thousands of butterflies in his stomach. The redneck had never felt anything like that before and it terrified him.

It was something he could not handle.

He knew he screwed up when he left you because of his brother. The way you behaved towards him was unmistakable. Daryl did not want to endanger the little friendship that was still between you. He could not risk losing you for good.

So he gave you your freedom and just adored from a distance - without you noticing.

But from a certain point in time all his thinking was focused only on you. Or rather, to hide what he really felt about you - how much he loved you.

Daryl was so busy hiding the love he felt for you that he did not even notice how much this young woman from Woodbury was constantly flirting with him. Of course, it had not escaped him that she ran after him like a lost puppy; and yes that annoyed him.

But weren't all of these newcomers a pain in the ass?

He was not interested in this blonde woman, not a little bit. Daryl does not care about her; he does not even listen to her most of the time.

If he was honest, he did not even know her name.

---------------------------------

In the last few weeks, it had become routine for the redneck to be on guard duty in the early hours of the morning. Not just because he was an early riser- and finally got some peace up here from the intrusive people from Woodbury - but because you went to work in the vegetable gardens shortly after sunrise every day.

And from high up there he had the opportunity to watch and admire you unnoticed.

You have always been used to working hard, and everyone who saw you knew that you had no problem with it and that you could lend a hand. Rick once joked that you could overshadow any Amish when it came to your work ethic. You just shrugged your shoulders and replied that you had no problem with that as long as you didn't have to pray for hours.

So you and Daryl spent the mornings together - without your having a clue about it. You, lovingly watching over the plants in the vegetable patches, he on the guard tower, lovingly watching over you.

As the sun rose higher and higher on its way across the sky, it made the sweat shimmer on your skin as you patiently devoted yourself to each of your tasks without taking a break. The black tank top you wore on that hot summer day stuck to your body and framed it perfectly. Your figure was like an hourglass, and each of your curves came out sensually.

At least as far as Daryl could tell. For him you were perfect, just like you were. He could watch you for hours without getting tired of it, could watch you for the rest of his life.

Only when the crotch of his jeans became uncomfortably tight did the redneck look away from you. His thoughts had taken a suggestive course, and the images that emerged in his head were by far no longer suitable for minors. Daryl would surely spend this evening in his fist again - dreaming of how you would feel lying under him, how you would smell, how you would taste, and what sweet noises would come over your lips if he would touch you where you needed it most.

"Everything's okay," he heard a familiar voice next to him.

Damn it, did the time really go that fast? Was his shift already over?

"Are you okay? You seem a little distracted to me."

Carol had come to relieve him. But Daryl, in his fascination for you, had not even noticed her.

"’m okay."

"Yes, of course, and your thoughts were on the task in front of you the whole time."

There was unmistakable amusement in Carol's voice. With a knowing smile, the woman leaned on the railing and watched you work for a while.

"Can you please finally tell Y/N that you love her. So that we can finally all get on with our lives? It's really not nice to see you two walking around each other on eggshells."

Daryl was embarrassed. He was caught with his hand in the cookie jar by Carol. Still, he tried to stay as cool as possible.

"I have no idea what ya're talkin’ about."

But the woman was not easily fooled. She knew very well what was going on in the man in front of her. Just as she knew how you felt about him.

"I hear what you say, but your ears say something else.”

Daryl flinched. Sometimes he hated the way his body betrayed him.

“What the hell,” Carol had to keep from laughing “I didn't even know that they could get so red."

"Stop it woman."

Again and again, Carol tried to get her friend to finally confess his love to you. Because in her eyes you were both wasting valuable time. And being able to spend time with loved ones was the most important thing now.

You had not noticed any of this. You were too busy tying up the tomato plants and removing the leaves so that they brought the greatest possible yield. After all, many mouths had to be fed, and you all needed supplies for the coming winter.

And it was precisely these necessary supplies that prompted Rick to ask you to go on a run the next day with others. Of course, you immediately agreed, after all, everyone went on these runs at some point. It wouldn't be your first time, and certainly not your last time, that you would take part in something like this.

But who could say that in these uncertain times?

What you did not know at the time was, that Michelle would be there too. Maybe then you would have refused. But now you sat in the back seat of the pickup truck in silence, staring stubbornly out the window.

Michelle just a few inches away from you.

It had been clear to Maggie from the start that this constellation would not bring any good. However, even the young woman would not have expected what dimensions the whole thing would take. And in what a heartbreaking catastrophe it would end.

During the entire journey Glenn and Maggie tried to break the mood. The four of you sat in the truck and drove a few hours until you finally arrived at your destination.

It should be a simple thing - in and out, quietly, quickly, unseen.

But what no one had expected was the behavior that Michelle had displayed when it came to doing her part. She had absolutely no desire to be actually a part in this job.

And Michelle let the three of you feel that very clearly.

She neither wanted to help find the necessary supplies nor carry them; even found it outrageous that she had been asked by Rick to join in and risk her life. She had never had to do this before, why now?

It took you so much strength to stay calm and not yell your opinion on Michelle's face - or beat her across the street.

You did not like this woman, not a bit. For you, she was a narrow-minded, self-centered, selfish slut who cared about only herself. And what Daryl saw in her was incomprehensible to you.

But when Michelle began to risk all of your lives because of her loud behavior, even Maggie's patience ran out. The eternal insults in your direction were just the cherry on top. Maggie would have liked nothing more than to give this snotty brat a huge slap in the face.

But to make a shitty day even more shitty, that was unfortunately your smallest problem.

Michelle's loud complaints drew the attention of more and more walkers, and at some point, you had difficulties getting back to your car.

You had just successfully cleared a pharmacy when you saw the horde slowly approaching on the street.

That was by far the worst scenario, and your greatest fear.

It was all happening so quickly, and the only thing you thought was that Michelle had to make it back to the Prison alive. You could not risk Daryl losing someone he loved again. No matter what a fucking bitch she was. You knew it would destroy him.

The way back to the pickup was long and the Walkers unfortunately closer than wanted. The heavy backpacks did not make it any easier to escape them quickly. So you stayed back when Maggie, Glenn, and Michelle started running back towards the truck. You knew your partners needed a distraction to make it through.

And what could be a better distraction than you.

"Come to me you damn motherfuckers! Here I am! Come and catch me you bloody bastards! You ugly fuckers!" you screamed on top of your lungs, tried to make as much noise as possible.

The walkers slowly turned to you and came to hunt you down - to kill you. You would be their lunch. Scared to death your heart was beating so hard in your chest that you thought it was about to pop out.

From that point on, you could not remember anything. Your brain just shut down, went into survival mode. You only ran on instinct, no more active thinking.

In a way, like the Walkers you tried to escape from.

Maggie turned when she heard your voice, and the blood froze in her veins. She thought you were right behind her, but you were still near the entrance to the pharmacy and the horde of walkers was on the way to you.

"Y/N!" her voice was desperate.

She was about to turn back to you – to help you - but Glenn could not and would not let that happen.

"Come on Maggie, we have to get the car. We'll come back for her; I promise."

Glenn took his girlfriend's hand and pulled her forcefully with him.

Michelle had not noticed anything of that, she was the first to take a seat in the pickup and firmly locked the passenger door behind her.

When Glenn finally started the engine and Maggie - now in the back seat - turned her eyes back to the pharmacy entrance, you were gone.

Your best friend was in a panic.

"Where is she? Oh my god, where is she?"

Only then did she see you on the canopy of the building - the backpack with the bandages still firmly strapped around you.

"On the roof, Glenn, she's on the roof! We have to get her!" the young woman screamed in desperation.

She could not and did not want to lose her friend. Not now and not like this.

“and preferably before these things figure out how to climb”, was Glenn's addition when he turned the truck and drove towards the pharmacy.

"Are you crazy," squeaked Michelle, "do you want to die just to maybe save her life?"

Maggie's eyes darkened, and Glenn realized immediately that she had now reached the limit. Another word from Michelle and his girlfriend would feed this woman to the Walkers with no trace of guilt.

"You shut up now, bitch! You're to blame for all this shit. If you’d shut your damn mouth and done what we've all done hundreds of times before, none of this would have happened! These fucking things would never have noticed us."

Michelle gasped to give Maggie a neat answer, but Maggie was faster.

"If I hear one more word from you, if you just beep, I'll feed you to these Walkers!"

Michelle's reply was interrupted by the gruesome sound of breaking bones as Glenn brutally drove through the horde of walkers who were now confused and trying to understand what was going on around them.

You were still standing on the roof. Your gaze was focused on the scene before you but not fearful, as if your self was not there at that moment.

"You have to jump," Glenn called to you when he brought the pickup to a stop right under the roof.

And with that you jumped onto the back of the truck. The fall was higher than expected, and there was a thump as you hit the flatbed. Immediately Glenn had accelerated the car again and drove away as fast as he could in the direction of Prison.

Desperate, Maggie kept calling your name, but you just did not answer. Maybe you were in shock. After all, it was not common practice to voluntarily sacrifice oneself as a meal for these monsters.

A few miles out of town, Glenn finally stopped the car, and Maggie was by your side in an instant. But she was not prepared for what she saw. You were passed out and a small pool of blood had formed under your head. The thud she had heard - when you landed - had been your head when it hit the loading wall.

"Oh my God."

Immediately Maggie was at your side, looking for your pulse with trembling hands. And there it was - weak - but she felt it.

"Please open your eyes Y/N/N", the young woman pleaded as she lovingly brushed the hair off your face.

"Maggie?" Glenn's voice was timid, almost frightened, as he stood next to the pickup and stared at your broken body.

"We have to get her to my father as soon as possible!"

Maggie's harsh words seemed to loosen Glenn from his stupor.

"Okay, no problem, I can do that."

And with that Glenn was back behind the wheel and gave full throttle. Maggie stayed with you on the flatbed, took off your backpack and trying to stop the bleeding on your head.

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Rick and Daryl were in the courtyard of the prison, discussing the next runs when the pickup truck drove through the gates with screeching tires. It was immediately clear to both of them that something bad must have happened.

Without wasting time, the two men ran towards the car.

"What happened", Rick called out.

But Daryl could not hear Glenn’s answer. Everything around him fell silent and vanished when he saw you - bleeding, passed out - in Maggie's arms.

Without thinking further, he jumped on the flatbed and leaned over you. He caressed your pale cheek with trembling fingertips before desperately looking for a pulse on your neck.

Frightened, he held his breath until he felt it, your heartbeat.

Even but so weak.

"We have to take her to my father."

Maggie had not even finished the sentence when Daryl had already taken you in his arms - bridal style - and was on the way to the infirmary with you.

With a lover's desperation, he clung to you as he ran all the way.

“Don't do this to me. I beg ya, please don't die to me."

-----------------------------------

Daryl never left your side for a moment. He sat like a statue and held your hand. He did not say a word, did not move. Neither when Hershel examined you, nor when he sewed your laceration.

He listened quietly to the vet's diagnosis and what he thought might happen in the next few hours or days.

Only when Maggie came with a bowl of water and a cloth to wash off the dirt and blood did he break free.

"Let me …" Daryls voice cracked, and the knot in his throat made it difficult for him to say anything else.

He took everything from Maggie's hand and put it on the little table next to your bed.

The redneck looked broken. The young woman could clearly see how much he loved you. And she knew that if you died, Daryl would vanish. He would just cease to exist.

“I'm so sorry,” Maggie said quietly, and a tear rolled down her cheek, “I thought she was right behind me. But … but she wasn't."

"It's not ya’ fault." Daryl's voice was barely perceptible.

Slowly he dipped the cloth into the warm water and began to carefully wash the blood off your face.

"Daryl I’m ... I’m"

"I know."

“Y/N is strong, she is tough. She will be okay."

Daryl just nodded absently while he concentrated fully on washing the blood off your temple.

And so Maggie left the redneck alone with you in the infirmary.

With trembling hands, he began to clean your neck. Little by little he washed your whole body- took care of you quietly and lovingly- making dirt, blood and sweat disappear, made you as clean as he saw you before you went on that fucking run.

Then he sat there, hour after hour, just looking at you, holding your hand. You looked so fragile. You lay there injured and pale, almost like a corpse. Only your quiet, even breathing told Daryl that you were still with him.

Inside Daryl, everything contracted painfully at the thought that you might not wake up again. Slowly he leaned towards your face. He looked at every birthmark, every wrinkle, every freckle, as if he wanted to burn them into his memory.

“I don't know if ya can hear me,” he finally began with a trembling voice.

“But I ... I ... I “, he had to laugh bitterly.

“’m a bloody coward. Why can' I jus’ say it?"

Daryl took a deep breath, he had to get his fear under control somehow. He had to tell you. He would never forgive himself if he did not do it now.

What if you died.

"I love ya Y/N. 've been in love with ya since ... I actually have no idea how long. But I love ya. I should have told ya much earlier. I don' know why I didn't. But I love ya."

Daryl fought back tears but lost.

"Oh God please, I beg ya, please come back to me. Give me a chance to show ya how much I love ya. Just one chance to prove myself to ya." and with that Daryl collapsed on top of you, crying and sobbing.

----------------------------------

It took you two days to open your eyes again. Two days in which Daryl had not left your side. Two days of going through hell and back again. In which even he had sent a quick prayer or two towards heaven.

It was as if you had been awakened from a deep sleep far too abruptly. And it took a while before you knew where you were. You felt dizzy and tired. Your head hurt like hell. And you were confused.

First, why you were in the infirmary, and second, why Daryl was sitting next to your bed looking like he had not slept in days – your hand in his.

"Hey," he whispered, "how are ya feelin’?"

"Tired", your voice was scratchy from not using it for a long time, "my head hurts."

“You hit ya head bad. Hershel had to patch ya up."

"What happened?"

"Can't ya remember."

"No ... Yes …. but not ... not really ... only up to a certain point."

You were nervous, were not used to Daryl being so close to you. You did not want to make a fuss about yourself, and yet you liked the attention this man was giving you.

“I can still remember the horde of Walkers who came up to me, but then … nothing ... I can't remember what happened then."

You had not noticed that tears had started to run down your temples until Daryl lovingly wiped them away with his thumb.

"Hey ... shh ... take it easy. Everythin’ is okay. Everyone’s fine. Please don't get upset, ya have a concussion. Hershel says ya need a lot of rest now."

And suddenly you were silent. Never before had Daryl spoken to you with such a loving tone in his voice or had touched you in this way. You did not understand what was happening here.

But he said you had a concussion. Perhaps it was to blame for this filter through which you noticed this whole interaction.

“I'll let Hershel know that ya woke up. I'll be right back; promise."

Confused, you looked after the redneck. Something had happened that you had no idea about. But you did not want to worry about it now. Your head hurt too much, and you just wanted to sleep.

---------------------------------------

When you opened your eyes again, Hershel was sitting in the chair on which you had previously seen Daryl.

"It's nice to see you again with your eyes open Y/N," said the older man with a friendly smile, "you worried us very much."

"‘m sorry. "

"It's okay. How do you feel?"

"Okay. Tired, head hurts."

"Something else?"

"No, except that I feel like I'm wrapped in cotton wool."

Hershel sat and listened to you before nodding.

"Daryl said you can't remember what happened."

"Not really."

"Don't worry, that's nothing unusual with this type of head injury."

He patted your shoulder encouragingly.

"Will I be able to remember one day?"

"You know kid, sometimes it is really good not to be able to remember some things."

"Probably."

“But now you should rest first. I know you have questions, but answers will come later. After all, you have to regain your strength."

------------------------------------------

You knew you had slept, but not for how long. Because the next time you opened your eyes, Carol was sitting on that same chair. But there was something else. Could it be that it smelled of her venison ragout?

"How are you, Y/N/N?"

"Still tired, but the headache is almost gone."

"Good to hear. You gave us all a real scare."

"I'm sorry."

"Especially Daryl. I've never seen him so frightened."

You looked questioningly at the older woman next to you. You were used to it that she kept dropping allusions about Daryl - at least when she talked to you. But you just did not understand that statement at all.

Daryl was never afraid of anything. Why would he ...

"Well. Are you hungry?" Carol had a friendly smile on her face when it broke your train of thought.

At that moment, your stomach made a loud rumbling noise.

“I'll take that as a yes,” smirked the gray-haired woman, “Daryl went hunting so that I could cook this. He knows it’s your favorite."

Unsure you looked at Carol before you took the bowl from her hand and slowly began to eat. It was true, that was your favorite food - if there was such a thing at all in times like this.

"You know that he loves you," she suddenly began out of nowhere

"Of course, we are family," did you try to belittle the matter.

“Okay, let's reformulate the whole thing again. Daryl is in love with you, absolutely and one hundred percent madly in love with you. A 'you're the only one for me' love. Without any misunderstanding."

When she said that, you choked on the stew right away and now you sat in front of her, coughing and snorting.

“And I know you love him too. So don't try to deny it at all. Everyone here knows that. Or how blind do you think we are? Although ... apart from Daryl. He has no idea. He probably wouldn't even understand if it bites his ass.”

At this picture you had to laugh.

“Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith in order to reach their goal. You two really have to start talking clearly to each other. You two belong together like pepper and salt Do you actually notice how much you waste your precious time? Neither of us knows how much of it is left. You should know that now, because honey it was damn close."

---------------------------------------------

Sleeping was your main occupation right now. A concussion took time and a lot of rest to heal. So it wasn't uncommon for your life to consist of short scenes at the moment.

With a sound - like a purring cat - you stretched in the hospital bed before opening your eyes. You no longer had any sense of time, and only the sunlight falling through the barred windows told you that it was probably afternoon.

"Hey."

Only now did you notice that Daryl was with you again.

"Ya feel better?"

"Yes."

Daryl seemed kind of nervous. But that wasn't possible, why should he?

"I've been here before, but ya slept and I don't want to wake ya", his words just gushed out of him.

Could it be? Was he nervous?

"Okay ... yes ... uhm ..."

You were easily overwhelmed with this situation, and somehow your head just seemed to have been swept clean. You could not find any words.

"We take turns. Hershel thinks there should always be someone with ya. Because of the concussion. Rick has already been here, and Maggie of course."

"And Carol."

"Yea."

"I wanted to thank you."

"For what?"

"For the food. Carol said you went hunting especially for it."

"No problem."

“I still appreciate it. And for ... that you are here ... with me."

He nudged his nose up in a nod.

And then there was silence. The conversation with Carol kept going through your head. What she said. Could it really be true?

You knew that Daryl has always been more of a man of action than a man of words. And it was clear to you that if you did not take the first step now, you two would probably never get anywhere.

"Carol spoke to me", you started when you sat up

The man across from you was obviously nervous now. You could tell all too clearly by the fact that he was starting to chew the inside of his cheek.

"With me too."

"Apparently something like an intervention is going on here, could that be", you smiled, trying to loosen up the mood a bit.

"Seems so."

Daryl looked at you for a few moments. You could see the wheels turning in his head.

"I'm a coward, Y/N," he finally began.

You had expected a lot, but not a statement like that.

"No, you’re not. How did you come up with such an idea?"

"I was a complete idiot and too cowardly."

"What are you talking about Daryl."

In your opinion, this was going completely wrong right now. You actually wanted to tell him you loved him, and now it seemed to end in a vortex of self-doubt.

"I love ya, Y/N.”

And with that your thoughts became silent.

“I am terribly in love with ya. And out of fear I didn't say anything. But then I saw ya lying on the flatbed of that fucking truck, covered in blood and passed out. At that moment, my heart stopped. And I swore to myself that when ya're okay again, when ya've got throu’ this, that I'll finally tell ya what I feel for ya. Y/N I love ya. "

During Daryl's monologue you forgot how to breathe and just listened intently while thousands of butterflies fluttered around in your stomach like they're having a bloody party there.

It took you some time to realize that Daryl was waiting for a reaction from you as he gnawed his thumb in fear.

"I love you too," it gushed out of you before you even realized you had said something.

And then there was silence again. You and Daryl just looked at each other. Unsure what to do now. After all, you were both in uncharted waters.

"And ... and now," you asked uncertainly.

"Don't know," Daryl just shrugged.

"I mean ... um ... are ... are we ... together now?"

You carefully ventured out of cover.

"Um, yea ... if ya ... if ya want that."

"Oh my god, yes please", you replied in one breath.

Suddenly the tension between you had dissolved and you both had to laugh. It was so surreal. Two adults acted like teenagers in love who had no idea what to do.

But then Daryl slowly leaned in towards you. Your heart was pounding when you could finally feel his breath on your face. But before your lips touched, he stopped. He wanted to give you the opportunity to evade him if you did not want this.

But you wanted it, wanted it more than anything else in your life. And when you had overcome the last few inches, you finally felt his lips on yours.

The feeling was amazing. As if at that moment an electric shock had run through your whole body, and at the same time it was like coming home.

Everything around you no longer existed, was no longer important. Here and now, it was just you and Daryl. The way his lips moved with yours, how his fingers slowly ran up your arms until they were in your hair.

Everything was so intense. And when you finally parted to take a much-needed breath, Daryl leaned his forehead against yours.

"Ya have no idea how long I've been dreamin’ about this."

"Probably as long as me."

-------------------------

When Rick was about to visit Y/N in the early evening hours, he saw Carol and Maggie standing in the door to the infirmary.

"Everything's okay," he wanted to know.

The two women turned around with their index fingers over their lips.

"Shhhh."

Both did at the same time.

"Be quiet and come here," Carol whispered, "you really have to see that."

Rick approached the two women curiously. What could be so interesting that Carol and Maggie were half-hidden behind the door, staring into the infirmary?

He was confused, but when he saw what fascinated them so much, his heart swell. A satisfied smile played on his lips, as he was seeing what was going on less than five paces away.

Daryl was lying - half sitting - on the bed. His back supported on the wall behind him. Y/N was snuggled close to him, head on his chest and her arm wrapped around him. Absently, the fingers of his right hand traced patterns on her upper arm as he read to her from an old paperback.

Everyone could see the love that bound these two people. And thank God the two finally understood that.

"Seems like we finally have a happy ending," said the former deputy with a broad smile.

"Thank God", Maggie exhaled, "nobody wanted to watch this puppy love shit anymore."

“Yes,” laughed Rick, “but you have to admit there was something exciting about the whole thing. As if it had been our very own little soap opera."

"You're right, but I prefer my best friend happy."

"And what do we do now. I mean this seemingly endless heartbreak theater has come obviously to an end."

"Gossip- Rick is afraid he'll get bored?"

Maggie's voice was teasing.

"No, that's not how it was meant."

"Don't worry, Rick," said Carol with a smile, "I think the whole thing has a sequel anyway."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, has someone told Michelle yet?"

All three looked at each other with big eyes before they having to resist laughing convulsively.

This story could get really interesting after all, they agreed.

part two

[hargrove-mayfields]

Everyone likes to pretend Billy was never even there. Life goes on, people change, the past gets forgotten.

A year isn’t enough time for Max though. Right now it feels like the rest of her life wouldn’t be enough time, but Neil and Susan, they were doing just fine.

It’s almost like they like not having him around, that extra burden they couldn’t shake. The plan only Max knew was that Billy was going to stay at home until she was old enough to go with him so she’d be safe.

She knew he was fed up and looking at some local apartments within walking distance of Cherry Lane anyways, but then July happened, and Billy died.

Now it’s July again, and her hair is in twin braids of red with pure white ribbons on the end, and her and her mother are wearing matching blouses. There’s bruises under the bangle on her mothers wrist and one under Max’s own sleeve, and she just wants her brother back.

It’s a holiday they told her, her father (he’s not her fucking father, they never made her call him that when Billy was around) is a veteran, they have to celebrate. Better just dry her eyes and get over it.

Her mother invites all the family they have in the area over to their house for a little get together picnic, and they do their little happy family routine for a while, but Max can only handle so much of it.

Billy should be here by her side, flicking watermelon seeds at her face and putting ice cubes from the cooler down the back of her shirt, being an asshole to distract her from the reality of her family.

And that was that she didn’t really have one, a family. It was always just her and Billy.

Even at these events made for bonding with family, they were off to the side, messing around while the adults talked like they weren’t even there, and she knew she was a little naive then, but it stung more than ever, knowing that even after she’d lost her brother, nobody even stopped to say hi or check up on her, it was just straight into gossiping about the neighbors and those disrespectful bastards across the street who weren’t flying a flag for the holiday and family members who couldn’t be there.

But Max never heard Billy’s name come up even once, and not even in a respect to the dead boy and his grieving sister type of way, but rather, in the way that they just didn’t want to acknowledge his existence. None of these people had come to his graduation in May of last year, or his funeral two months later.

Billy was a taboo that the Hargrove-Mayfields didn’t dare taint their celebrations of freedom and justice with. The irony made Max sick to her stomach.

Or that was at least, until Neil couldn’t help himself.

His words are slurring already, with an excuse to party he’s on what Max would guess to be his fifth or sixth beer that afternoon, and someone just made the mistake of mentioning their own son, Billy and Max’s third cousin or something, and it spurs Neil off on a tangent about his.

“That boy was always good for nothing anyways. It’s almost the same now that he’s dead, ‘Cept maybe now I get some more quiet around the house.”

Nobody knows what to do when he says that, there’s a couple awkward laughs and one shocked gasp, that one was probably from her mother, but Max knows exactly what she wants to do.

What she wants is to watch Neil choking on his blood instead of her brother, his body being lowered into the ground instead of Billy’s, and in the moment she feels like she could be the one to make that a reality, but instead she just stands abruptly, a plate of the food her mother worked so hard to prepare for them she’d been too queasy to eat falling off her knees to the grass, and she says everything she’d bottled up for the past year.

“Don’t talk about Billy that way!

“Now, Maxine-“ Neil starts, but Max is livid, can’t hold back all the things she wished she had said before Billy died, when she got grounded after the funeral, when Neil started beating her, “No! I’m not going to let you do to me what you did to my brother! You don’t get to control me like you did him, it’s your fault that he’s dead!”

It’s her mother’s turn to try to stop her, slender hand covering her mouth painted red, “Maxine..”

“Stop trying to reason with me! I’m sick of pretending to be a family when I had to watch my own brother die! And I’m sick of being treated like I’m crazy for being the only one that cares about Billy!”

More than one person chimes in on that one, offended by the notion they don’t care about family, though it’s Neil that insists, in that faux calm, close to snapping voice of his, “We do care, Maxine. We’re all grieving in our own ways.”

She fires back, “Grieving what? The loss of your punching bag? You hated Billy! You don’t care that he’s dead, all that matters to you is having someone to hurt, and you no trouble adjusting to beating up on your wife and step-daughter instead!”

She catches a backhand to the face for that, and all the background chatter comes to a halt, Neil gritting out through his teeth, “Inside. Now.”

There are tears in her eyes that sting almost as much as the knuckle marks on her cheek, but Max feels like she won, getting her step dad all riled up in front of their family, she feels almost invincible, and she sneers all smug like and bitter, “I can’t go inside yet. I’m celebrating your service to our country, dad. You know, as a family.”

But when Neil's face turns as red as the blood that dripped from his wife’s nose the night before and he stands from his chair and drags her inside by the wrist himself, she realizes that it wasn’t exactly a win.

And when her brain goes numb trying to focus on both the repeated slaps and punches that explode like firecrackers across her skin and the way Neil is yelling and lecturing her until his voice is raw, giving her the same lessons her brother had burned into the back of his mind, she feels like she’s lost everything instead.

When she has to choke back her tears and apologize for embarrassing Neil and for making him hit her as punishment, she realizes, this isn’t a game that can be won or lost at all.

Max isn’t allowed to go back outside to the party. That rule goes unspoken, but words aren't necessary with the way Neil storms off without another word, slamming the back door behind himself. She’s slowly starting to figure out what the things her step father does instead of says mean.

She misses being allowed to be clueless, having someone to protect her or take what punishment she had earned. She wishes she wouldn’t have asked so much of Billy though.

Her own room isn’t safe anymore, what once had been the place she’d be ushered off to when Neil got bad had become more like a trap, the place Neil went to first when he was angry. Everything that had been hers felt wrong, so she goes to Billy’s room and doesn’t come out for the rest of the night. Even now that he’s gone, he still kept her safe.

There’s a welt on her face and fresh bruises forming everywhere, hot tears wetting her sunburnt cheeks and the pillows that smell like Billy, or at least used to before Susan decided his room needed cleaned and washed away every trace of her brother.

All night long there are fireworks going off, a big show put on by the city downtown has her shaking, unable to close her eyes for fear those distant explosions would take her back to the mall, bring back memories she’d never forget, and covering her ear with her hands.

The cracks and booms that shake her windows and her entire life, a headache and a heart break even stronger.

She tries her hardest not to think about Starcourt though, so instead she thinks about how Billy would’ve been proud of her for standing up to Neil. He would’ve called her an idiot, but he would’ve cleaned up her scrapes and held her through the panic attack after, and he probably would’ve liked to see the person Max was becoming too.

That makes Max’s heart hurt, the fact that he won’t get to. She cries harder, and she feels so alone without Billy.

Some part of her knows that she isn’t though. She isn’t the only one that lost somebody last July.

Hawkins’ cemetery was alive with flowers and wreaths and decoration, and more than anything the grieving. All of the victims had families, or in the case of the Holloway’s where their whole family was killed, they had friends and neighbors in the tight knit community who remembered them. El was still grieving Hopper, and Max knew Billy had people like that too.

Billy was popular, his death had a huge impact on the younger population of the town, but not only that, he had his closest friends, Steve and Tommy and Carol and Nicole and Adam from the pool, and of course Heather couldn’t be there, but those people were all keeping her brother alive.

As much as it felt like everyone was trying to forget him, they weren’t, and that brought Max a little bit of hope.

Hope that Billy would be remembered for the things he did right, and who he was behind the boy he had to be to keep them safe.

Hope that with his memory kept in the hearts of so many, the burden of grief wouldn’t fall solely on Max forever and make things a little easier.

Hope that the wound would someday heal, and she could look back on the time she did have with Billy, those seven too short years, with a smile on her face.

For now, she wraps herself in Billy’s jacket and comforter, listening to his music to drown out the distant fireworks, and dreams of the day when things won’t be like this, when she can leave Hawkins and all it’s bad memories and the “family” holding her back to live a life her brother would be proud of, a life that would honor his.

Max decides then with determination, flinching when a bright flash lights up her window, a loud echo through the quaint neighborhood, that she was going to do what Billy hadn’t been able to and break the cycle.

Tomorrow, she’d tell the school counselor she’d been assigned when her depression was at its worst all about Neil Hargrove.

[just-dreaming-marvel]

Out Of Time ~ 133

MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 3,000ish

Summary: Tony finally comes home, but that doesn’t make the problems go away. (Please read the note at the end)

Y/N completely unconscious for a whole 24 hours. The remaining team members never wandered far from her side, too scared to lose another person. When Y/N finally awoke, she knew what had happened. She could feel the change inside her.

“They’re gone…” She croaked, looking at Steve with teary eyes. “The Stones are gone…”

“What do you mean, Y/N?” Steve questioned. “Like you don’t have your powers anymore?”

“I mean, they’re gone.”

“Y/N, I think you’re tired,” Thor said. “If your abilities have left you, then you must be exhausted.”

“No. You have to believe me.”

“Okay,” Bruce interrupted. “I think we need to leave her to rest some more.”

Y/N knew that they didn’t believe her. But she could feel it. The Infinity Stones had been destroyed. Her abilities were gone.

~~~

Y/N was alone in the med-bay when the building began trembling ever so slightly. Concerned as it continued, slowly getting worse, Y/N slid out of bed. The others were not too far in front of her as they all quickly headed out to the yard. Looking up as they all continued to walk, they noticed a ship being carried by a glowing Carol. She carefully landed the space craft, looking at a new shaven Steve with a nod. 

Y/N froze, heart pounding wildly in her chest as the stairs of the space craft lowered. Tony, being supported by Nebula, walked out. She couldn’t stop the tears that began to cascade down her cheeks. Tony was alive. Yes, it was clear that he was barely alive, but there he was.

Steve ran up to Tony, taking him from Nebula to help him stand. Tony gripped Steve’s arm as he joined him.

“I couldn’t stop him,” Tony told Steve.

“Neither could I,” Steve responded.

“I lost the kid.”

“Tony, we lost.”

“Is, uh…? Y/N…”

“I’m right here,” Y/N said, running up and embracing him.

Tony practically melted into her arms, kissing her head and Y/N cried. “It’s okay.”

“You’re alive…”

“You’re alive.”

Y/N and Steve helped Tony inside. Bruce immediately got an IV in him and told him that he needed serious rest and food. While Tony sat at the table, his insisted on knowing everything. So the team began explain as a holographic casualty report listed the names and faces of those they lost.

“It's been 23 days since Thanos came to Earth,” Rhodey stated.

“World governments are in pieces. The parts that are still working are trying to take a census,” Natasha explained. “And it looks like he did... he did exactly what he said he was gonna do. Thanos wiped out fifty percent, of all living creatures.”

“Where is he now?” Tony asked. “Where?” Y/N, who was standing behind Tony’s wheelchair, gave his shoulder a slight squeeze.

“We don’t know,” Steve answered. “He just opened a portal and walked through.”

Tony looked over at a sullen-looking Thor, who as sitting outside on a bench. “What’s wrong with him?” Tony pointed.

“Oh, he's pissed. He thinks he failed,” Rocket responded. “Which of course he did, but you know there's a lot of that's going around, ain't there?”

“Honestly, until this exact second, I thought you were a Build-A-Bear.”

“Maybe I am.”

“We've been hunting Thanos for three weeks now. Deep Space scans, and satellites, Y/N was even searching Titan over and over, and we got nothing. Tony, you fought him.”

“Who told you that? I didn’t fight him. No, he wiped my face with a planet while the Bleecker Street Magician gave away the Stone. That's what happened. There was no fight.”

“Okay.”

“He’s unbeatable.”

“Did he give you any clues, any coordinates, anything?”

“Steve—“ Y/N called, waiting to stop this before it got too bad.

“Pfft! I saw this coming a few years back,” Tony continued. "I had a vision. I didn't wanna believe it. Thought I was dreaming. So did Y/N, ya know? She saw this coming too.”

“Tony, I’m gonna need you to focus,” Steve pressed.

“And I needed you. She,” Tony pointed back at Y/N, “needed you. As in past tense. That trumps what you need. It's too late buddy. Sorry. You know what I need?” Tony stood, pushing things off the table. “I need to shave. And I believe I remember telling you—“ Tony went for Steve, only for Rhodey to try to stop him.

“Tony, Tony, Tony!” Rhodey said. 

“Tony!” Y/N added, though she knew it was no use.

“Alive and otherwise what we needed was a suit of armor around the world!” Tony continued, taking his IV out. “Remember that? Whether it impacted our precious freedoms or not— that's what we needed!”

“Well, that didn't work out, did it?” Steve retorted.

“I said, "we'd lose". You said, "We'll do that together too." And guess what, Cap? We lost. And you weren't there. But that's what we do, right? Our best work after the fact? We're the Avengers, we're the Avengers. Not the Prevengers.”

“Okay,” Rhodey said, trying to get Tony back into the wheelchair with Y/N’s help.

“Right?”

“You made your point,” Y/N said. “Just sit down.

“Okay…”

“Okay?”

“Nah, nah. Here’s my point. You know what?”

“Tony, you’re sick,” Rhodey said, finally able to guide him back to the wheelchair.

Tony pointed to Carol. “She’s great, by the way.”

“Sit down. Sit.” 

Tony finally gave in. We need you. You're new blood. Bunch of tired old mules!” Tony sprang back up and walked right up to Steve’s face, voice dripping with venom. “I got nothing for you, Cap! I got no coordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options. Zero. Zip. Nada. No trust. Liar.”

It was clear that Steve was affected by Tony’s words. The old friends just gazed at each other in tense silence. After a moment, Tony ripped his arc reactor from his chest and shoved it into Steve’s hand.

“Here, take this,” Tony said. “You find him, and you put that on. You hide.”

Tony fell to the ground. Y/N was by his side instantly.

“Tony!” Steve exclaimed.

“I’m fine,” Tony slurred. “I… Let me...” He quickly fell into an unconscious heap on Y/N’s lap.

“You shouldn’t have pushed him,” Y/N whispered harshly at Steve. “But that’s what you do, right? To get what you want?”

“Y/N—“

“No, Steve. Just, no. Tony’s always been blamed for everything. Always. But, you know what, you’re not perfect either and are to blame for a lot as well.”

“I never said—“

“I don’t want to hear it, Steve. Not anymore.”

~~~

Tony was brought into a private glass room, where Bruce was getting him situated. Y/N was seated by his side, while Rhodey stood by the door.

“I gave him a sedative,” Bruce informed them. “He will most likely be out for the rest of the day.”

“Thank you, Bruce,” Y/N exhaled shakily. 

“Of course. I’m going to run a few more tests and give him some more meds.” Y/N nodded, staring at Tony.

“Y/N,” Rhodey called for her attention. She glanced over at him. “I need to know… would you have chosen Tony in the end?”

Y/N pursed her lips. “It doesn’t matter anymore, Rhodey… the choice was made for me…”

“I just don’t want him hurt.”

“I won’t. Trust me.” Y/N rubbed her fingers over Tony’s hand. “I love him. And… he’s all I have left.”

~~~

Rhodey walked out to inform the others about Tony’s condition.

“Bruce gave him a sedative,” he told them. “He's gonna probably be out for the rest of the day.”

“You guys take care of him,” Carol said. “And I'll bring him a Xorrian Elixir when I come back.” She walked away.

“Where are you going?” Natasha asked.

“To kill Thanos.”

Steve and Natasha shared a look before quickly walking after her.

“Hey,” Natasha called after her, “you know, we usually work as a team here, and between you and I, morale's a little fragile.”

“We realize up there is more your territory,” Steve added, “but this is our fight too.”

“You even know where he is?” Rhodey questioned.

“I know people who might,” Carol responded.

“Don’t bother,” Nebula said, standing behind Carol. “I can tell you where Thanos is. Thanos spent a long time trying to perfect me. And when he worked, he talked about his great plan. Even disassembled, I wanted to please him. I'd ask "where would we go once his plan was complete?". His answer was always the same: "To the Garden.”” 

“That's cute, Thanos has a retirement plan,” Rhodey commented.

“So where is he?” Steve asked.

They grabbed Bruce and gathered in the common room. Rocket stood on the table with a hologram of a planet.

“When Thanos snapped his fingers, Earth became ground zero for a power surge of ridiculously cosmic proportions,” Rocket explained. “No one's ever seen anything like it... Until two days ago.” A shockwave visibly traversed over the planet in the hologram. “On this planet.”

“Thanos is there,” Nebula confirmed.

“He used the Stones again,” Natasha stated. She looked at Steve. “That’s what happened with Y/N. She was feeling the Stones. We have a chance, we could—“

“Hey, hey, hey,” Bruce interrupted. “We'd be going in short-handed, you know.”

“Look, he's still got the stones,” Rhodey said. “So—“

“So let’s get him,” Carol stated. “Use them to bring everyone back.”

“Just like that?”

“Yeah, just like that.”

“Even if there's a small chance that we can undo this…" Natasha said. “I mean we owe it to everyone who's not in this room to try.”

“If we do this, how do we know it's gonna end any differently than it did before?” Bruce wondered. “And how do we know that Y/N’s not right? That the Stones are destroyed.”

“She can’t be right,” Steve stated. “Not until I see it with my own eyes.”

“And this will be different because last time, you didn’t have me,” Carol stated.

“Hey, new girl, everyone here is about that superhero life,” Rhodey said. “And if you don't mind my asking, where the hell have you been all this time?”

“There are a lot of other planets in the universe. And unfortunately, they didn't have you guys.”

Thor, who had been eating in the back all this time, stood up and walked over to Carol. She looked behind at him. Holding his hand up, Thor summoned his ax. He caught it as it flew over to him, missing Carol by inches. But Carol didn’t even flinch, instead giving Thor a small smile.

“I like this one,” Thor smiled.

“Let’s go get this son of a bitch,” Steve ordered.

~~~

Y/N was sitting beside a still unconscious Tony, reading, when Steve slipped into the room.

“How’s he doing?” Steve asked, awkwardly staying near the door.

“Fine,” Y/N responded, not bothering to look up from her book.

“Look, Y/N, I…” He sighed. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Then go.”

“The team knows where Thanos is.” This got Y/N to look up at Steve. “We’re going to go get the Stones back and reverse this.”

“I told you, Steve, the Stones are gone.”

“You don’t know tha—“

“Oh, I don’t? I just wasn’t, I don’t know, connected to them for years? But go ahead. Try and fix this. But I’m telling you it’s too late.”

“Don’t you want to try and get everyone back? Get Bucky back?”

She paused, searching her mind for how to answer. She knew Steve wouldn’t believe her if she told him that she had seen the future. The battle wasn’t over.

“Things happen for a reason,” she replied. “We have to accept it—“

“Unbelievable,” Steve scoffed. “I can’t even—who are you?”

“I could ask you the same question, Steve.” He clenched his jaw. “We are not the same people we were before we froze, Steve. And I don’t know if we’ll ever go back to that.”

“I’ll let you know when we’re home.” 

~~~

When Tony woke up, he was all alone. He was groggy from all the drugs, but he knew he was back at the compound. Looking around the room, he saw Y/N coming towards the room with a tray of food. Her eyes lit up ever so slightly when she met his opened ones.

“Hey, sleepy head,” Y/N greeted with a soft smile. “How are you feeling?”

“Like a moon landed on top of me,” he responded, voice raspy. “Oh, wait. It did.” He grunted as he sat up more.

“I brought some food.” She set the try on a table in the room. “I didn’t know what you’d be feeling like, so I got a little bit of everything.”

Tony carefully watched as Y/N got his food ready. Knowing her for so long, he knew when something was up.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

Y/N sighed, knowing she couldn’t keep anything from him. “The Stones are gone.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“I mean, they’re destroyed. I don’t have my powers anymore. The team also found Thanos, they went to try to reverse what happened.”

“But the Stones are destroyed.”

“They don’t believe me.” 

“What? Why? You’re connected with the Stones.”

“I know… they still didn’t.”

Tony could see how everything that had transpired was weighing down on Y/N, whether she admitted it or not. “We’re leaving.”

“What?”

“We can’t stay here. We need to move on. Start our live together.”

“We can’t just leave.”

“We can’t? Why?”

“Well, they… I… I don’t know.”

“Exactly why we need to go. I’ve already got a secluded piece of land with a small lake on it. We can build a house there. Try to find some normalcy.” Y/N looked out the window, biting her lip. “I can see the weight you’re carrying about all this… it’s not solely your fault. Don’t take all of it on yourself.” He reached out his thin, trembling hand. “Let me bare it with you.”

With a teary nod, Y/N set her hand in Tony’s. He tried to pull her towards him. She sat beside him on the bed, brushing his hair off his forehead.

“I love you, Tony,” she whispered.

“I love you too.” 

~~~

By the time the team came back, Tony and Y/N had already put together a house plan. The team came back with the news that Thanos was dead and the Stones were gone, not to Y/N or Tony’s surprise. The two left the compound to Tony’s apartment in the city that night.

They were both extremely sadden by how destroyed and seemly empty the city was. The first night was harder for Y/N than it was for Tony. Due to still being malnourished, Tony spent a lot of time sleeping. Y/N was the opposite, not getting much sleep at all. She was haunted by what happened in her dreams and too scared that if she closed her eyes, Tony would disappear. 

It was dusk, when Tony woke up from a nap. Usually, Y/N would lay beside him or still be somewhere in the room. But this time, he couldn’t see her anywhere. He pushed himself up to get a better look at the room.

“Y/N?” He questioned. “Honey? Where are you?”

No response. With a grunt he stood up, grabbed his cane, and headed out of the bedroom. He kept calling out her name.

“Y/N? Y/N?”

He stopped when he thought he heard something. And he was right. He heard sobs that were clearly trying to be concealed. Hurrying as fast as he could, Tony turned the corner, he heart shattering further than he thought it could at the sight. Y/N was on her knees, in the middle of the living room. Her hands were pressing a blanket to her mouth, trying to conceal her retching sobs. Who knows how long she had been like that, but the blanket was drenched in tears.

“Oh, honey,” Tony hurried over, getting down next to her. He pulled her into him, but she fought it. “Don’t fight me, hun. Please.”

“I’m so-sorry, Tony,” Y/N sobbed. “Please just go… I’ll be fine…”

“It’s clear that you’re not.” Tony pulled her back in, not caring that she was fighting. “You’re carrying too much on your own. Like I said before, let me bare this with you…”

“I-I can’t… cause it’s my fault… if I had tried any harder or pushed myself—“

“Until what? You died? You know that I wouldn’t have been able to handle your— I-I can’t even think about it.”

“It’s just… it’s so hard, Tony… it hurts so much… I watched them dust right before my eyes… the power I was given to stop this, failed me and now it’s gone… I’m—I’m useless.”

Tony’s frail hands took Y/N’s face firmly in his hands. “You are not nor ever will be useless. Especially not to me.”

“I’m so sorry, Tony… I’m so sorry…”

“It’s okay, sweetheart.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “It’s okay…” 

He placed a soft kiss on her lips before going in for other, more hungrily. Y/N welcomed it, letting him have entrance into her mouth. When they finally separated, panting, Y/N and Tony locked eyes.

“Help me, Tony,” she whimpered. “Please… take this feeling away…”

Tony nodded before pressing his lips firmly against hers. Y/N guided herself so that she was laying down as Tony hovered over her, pressing kisses down her neck.

“I will always help you,” he whispered against her lips. “Always.”

It was a beautiful, long awaited night of love and passion. Both of them were beginning to feel whole again, completed, in each others holds. Healing was starting to take place because, as long as they had each other, everything was going to be alright.

next chapter >

My dearest Team Bucky, many of you have been so patient throughout this whole series and I ask you to continue to do so. I have a surprise coming your way (and to Team Tony’s). Thank you for your support and please keep reading.

If you want to be added to the tag list, please dm me or send in an ask.

[dnvrsmedia]

You Feel Safe?

Carol Danvers x reader

summary: You and Carol are sent on a mission together for the first time.

warnings: none! good ole fluff! mutual pinning & my fav troupe the “only one bed” :)

AN: IM BACK! I am SO sorry i’ve been gone for like 2 weeks, but I had the WORST writers block omg! Hopefully this gets me back in the time of everything & I hope y’all enjoy! as always requests are open!

part 2

You were called to be on a mission yesterday. If it were any other day you wouldn’t have minded so much, but it was supposed to be your first weekend off in almost a month. You could almost taste the short lived freedom as you stepped into your room that friday evening, but of course, the world had other plans for you. The literal moment you set your bags down,friday informs you that steve needs you in the debrief room.

Obviously pissed off that you were robbed of your planned relaxing weekend, you trot to the debrief room with heavy steps and a frown. You’re known as the cheerful one around the compound. You’re always worried about others safety and health. So, when you passed Nat on the way to meet Steve without saying hello, she immediately knew something was off. Not wanting to interrupt you, she shrugs it off and makes sure to make a mental note to ask you what’s wrong later on.

You finally reach the debrief room and see a familiar tall blonde talking to Steve. You’ve only met Carol about two times, but you wouldn’t really call that a formal meeting. The two of you were too busy trying to save the world from thanos to really indulge in a conversation. But that doesn’t matter right now.

“Stevie, you know I love you, but why the ever loving fuck are you calling me on my weekend off. You know I haven’t gotten one in a while!” You exclaim as you go in to hug him. Steve has also been away on a mission for a while, so you haven’t seen your older brother figure in a while.

He gives out a hardy chuckle and gives you a tight squeeze before letting go. “I know y/n and I feel horrible doing so, but you’re the only gal for the job. Plus, you haven’t properly met Captain Danvers over here yet!” He points to Carol as she sticks out her hand to shake.

“Please, call me Carol.” She winks. You shake her hand as your face burns bright red. God y/n keep it together! You can’t help but to stare at her beautiful being. Everything about her is absolutely gorgeous and you can’t seem to get enough. Your eyes trail down to her strong biceps. All all you can think about is how much you wouldn’t mind if she put you in a choke hold i mean-

Steve clears his throat and asks you if you heard a word he just said. Now you start to blush profusely. She had to notice you staring, because she’s sporting a wicked smirk on her face.

“S-sorry I got a little uh...distracted.” You clear your throat. You notice Steve rolling his eyes and continues to debrief the mission. The both of you were to go undercover as girlfriends to a ball. This wasn’t any ordinary ball though. At the ball, there is an underground auction on alien tech. The reason you were picked and not Nat is because you can turn invisible. Once invisible, you were to sneak into the auction and take back that very valuable piece of tech. Carol is tagging along because of her extensive knowledge on alien tech. This mission was clearly meant for the two of you.

Soon after, you were dismissed to your quarters and packing for the three day long mission in Tuscany, Italy. Luckily for you since you don’t own many dresses, Nat popped by to let you borrow a few. She originally came by to see why you were so upset, but as soon as she saw you packing your bags she already knew.

“So, are you excited to play girlfriend with miss twinkle hands? Last time you two met you could barely take your eyes off oh her.” She slyly smirks as she folds your shirt. You immediately scoff as your face starts to heat up.

“I was just making sure she didn’t die! I do that every time with everyone when we’re saving the world!” You squeak. Nat could definitely tell that you were lying. I mean come on, she’s a highly skilled spy. She just mutters a ‘yeah sure’ and rolls her eyes. You shoo her away so you could ‘get your beauty sleep’ before you leave for the mission. Moments after you finally get settled in bed, you hear a knock at your door. Too tired to get up, you ask friday to let whoever is at the door in. Soon later, you’re eye to eye with Carol herself.

“Oh were you about to sleep? I’m sorry I can go if you want.” She shyly smiles and starts to walk away. You’ve never seen Carol like this before, and you wish you could see more of her.

“No,” you sit up and pat the space next to you on the bed. “It’s okay I promise. Come sit.” You gently smile. Soon after your smile is taken over by a big yawn. You hear Carol chuckle and sit next to you.

“You sure you aren’t gonna fall alseep on me, y/n?” She teased.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” You lazily smiled. “Now, why did you want to see me?” you questioned.

“I just uh wanted to get to know you better. I mean if you’re gonna be my girlfriend, then I should actually know you, right?” she answered. You blushed majorly at her calling you her girlfriend. Yes, you know it’s only for the mission, but you can’t help but feel giddy.

“Well, what do you want to know? I’m an open book.” you replied while looking into her eyes. You could get lost in her perfect chestnut eyes. You can tell that she is a strong and loving person, but she also has been hurt. You wish you could take her pain away, but sadly that’s not how it always works.

From then on, the two of you spent your last hours before the flight to Tuscany talking about anything and everything. You told her things you don’t even think you’ve told Nat or Steve yet. Just something about Carol makes you want to pour your deepest darkest feelings and thoughts out. She’s just so welcoming and warm. You do end up falling asleep due to the day of hard work you endured. Carol soon notices and covers you in your blanket before leaving. The two of you have about four hours before the flight and she still hadn’t packed. She leaves your room with the widest smile on her face.

You wake up two hours later to your alarm. You always set your alarms according to, so you don’t get behind schedule. Before missions, you like to get a light workout and combat in. You groggily get up from your bed and change into your workout clothes.

You get down to the gym and immediately notice Carol at the punching bag. She was wearing a black sports bra with matching athletic leggings and hair was in a pony tail. You are completely in awe. Of course you’ve seen her fight before, but that was in a life or death matter. You didn’t have time to gawk at the way her back muscles contracted every time she moves. Or hear the little grunts she huffs out as her fist collides with the punching bag.

She must’ve felt someone staring at her, because she turns around in the middle of punching the bag and smirks. Your face seems to permanently be red because of her, but you couldn’t really complain could you?

You shake your head and get straight into your workout routine. You turn on your favorite playlist and get straight to work. You get in light stretching before you do your 2 miles on the treadmill. You hit the weights right after. Throughout your whole workout, the both of you share stole glances. You catch her looking at your ass through the mirror as you back squat and chuckle. You’re just about to bench press as she walks up to your station.

“Here, lemme spot you. I don’t need the bar falling on your pretty face.” She smirks and steps behind the you.

“How nice of you, Captain. You know, I’m a lot stronger than I look. Trust me, I’m a big girl.” Now it’s your time to watch as her face gets red.

“Oh trust me I know. You can never be too cautious.” She winks and you playfully roll your eyes.

About an hour after, you finally finish your work out. You thank Carol once again and go on your way to your room to take a quick shower before meeting her at the quinjet. You say bye to your fellow avengers (well who’s not on a mission), and go on your marry way to Tuscany. The both of you arrive in Tuscany at 8pm. You were visibly tired, so you couldn’t wait to eat something and curl up in your own bed.

Carol helps you with you bag, although you said you can cary it, and takes the both of you to the room. The view from the room is astounding. Your eyes pan all over the room, then you see it. To your surprise, there is only one bed and a very uncomfortable looking couch. You can tell Carol notices as well as she starts to put her things by the couch.

“You can take the bed, trust me I don’t mind.” She smiles her adorable smile.

“Are you kidding me? We’re both adults here, Captain. We can share the bed and I’m not letting you say no! That couch looks so uncomfortable!” You rant as you move your things over to the bed. “Now, what do you want for dinner?” You turn your head to see he smiling at you.

The pair of you decided on some authentic Italian food for take out. So here you are, currently eating fancy Italian food with a beautiful girl in romantic Italy. Seriously what could get better than this. You guys talk for hours until it’s time to go to bed.

You’re the first one to freshen up in the bathroom before bed. You step out in only your towel, and Carols face heats up so quick.

“I-I’ll just go uh go in there uh I uh- yeah.” She mutters out as she grabs her things and rushes herself into the bathroom. You laugh to yourself then get dressed. You snuggle up in the bed with one of your books and start reading. You finish a chapter when you hear Carol get out the bathroom. You’ve never seen her look so casual before. You can’t help but smile at her Captain america pj pants.

“Steve gave em to me as a gag gift for my birthday last year.” she chuckled and gets into bed with you.

You put your book down and turn on the TV to entertain the two of you. The TV was nearly there for background noise, since you weren’t paying attention at all. You say there thinking about how happy you’ve felt around Carol for the past two days, and hoped she felt the same. A loud lawn broke your trace. You realized it’s getting late, so you turned off the TV and got comfy in the bed.

“Sleep well, Y/n.” You hear Carol say as you’re about to drift into sleep.

“Goodnight, Carol.” You day softly as you nod off into the dream state.

beep! beep! beep!

Your overly loud, yet useful, alarm wakes you up. You go to reach to turn it off but you can’t reach it. You look down and see a sleeping Carol lying on top of you. Her arm is wrapped around your waist as hair is strewn across her face. You smile down at her and admire how soft she looks. You take your free hand and move her fly aways from her face. She stirs awake and looks into your eyes. She throws herself back and starts to apologize profusely.

“Hey, hey, look it’s okay I uh actually enjoyed it. If we’re being honest I haven’t slept that well in a long time.” You blush as you look down at your hands. Carol soon takes your hands and gently caresses them with her own.

“I haven’t slept that well in a while either actually. I normally get nightmares, but with you...” She whispers.

“You feel safe?” You ask as she nods her head with a smile. “That’s exactly how I feel too.” You beam.

Carol scoots closer to you and places her palm on your cheek. You heart begins to race as she slowly inches forward to kiss you. Just as your lips are about to touch, your alarm blares once more and the two of you bump heads.

“I should probably turn that off.” You groan.

“Yeah,” She chuckles “You should.”

[let-me-write-shit]

Somebody To You: 25

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CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE

There was no use in dwelling over Harry right now. It seemed silly to even want to cry, considering Paul, who was seated across from her, was literally fighting for his life. Who was she to cry over a boy that had no interest in dating her? Her problems seemed minuscule to the real tragedies happening all around her. The four of them finished up dinner and when they had finished, Carol whisked their dishes away to wash.

“I should get Zoey over to her mom’s to change now so I can get to the bar in time,” Michael called, standing up, “We’ll meet you there later?”

“Yeah, go on. We’ll see you there,” Paul nodded from his seat at the table.

Being alone with Michael wasn’t as awkward as she thought it’d be. His old, beat-up red car, which usually reeked of stale cigarettes, now only had a lingering scent that was hidden behind the sweet smell of moonlight breeze Gain car fresheners. He explained to her how he’d quit smoking a month ago and it was going well. The twenty-minute conversation to her parents’ house didn’t seem forced like she expected it to be. And he hadn’t once made a pass at her. Maybe he finally moved on.

When she led him into the landing of her parents’ house, her mom’s voice rang out, “Zoey? Is that you?”

“Yeah, I’ve got Mikey with me!” she called back, urging him on.

She could hear her mom’s voice sing his name from the other room and they both shared a look, knowing that Michael was about to be trapped in the endless tirades of Mary. Zoey giggled watching him drag his feet in the directions of the living room, leaving her to go change.

“Hurry,” he quietly urged before he rounded the corner.

She had managed to take up her luggage that morning, so she made her way towards the bedroom, noticing Katie’s bed neatly made and the lights still off. Her car was in the driveway when they arrived, so she must be in the living room with her mom. 

Rummaging through her suitcase, Zoey grew more frustrated, feeling silly. All of her clothes were new and were geared more towards her life in LA. Her wardrobe had changed along with her personality and she felt like if she walked downstairs wearing any of these clothes Michael would see right through her and think that she was an imposter.

She had no choice. She didn’t fit into Katie’s clothes and there was no time to go shopping. With a sigh, she slipped into a straight, spaghetti-strapped, white dress and paired it with white sneakers and a jean jacket to make it look more casual. She ran her fingers through her dirty blonde hair, looking at herself in the reflection of Katie’s mirror, finally embracing her new look. This was her. It took years to feel comfortable in her own skin and she wasn’t going to let her insecurities ruin that.

Zoey bounced down the stairs and towards the living room where, sure enough, Katie sat beside Michael, both listening to Mary blabber on about how sorry she was to hear the news of Michael’s dad and the trauma he and Zoey have experienced already. Zoey would have felt embarrassed for her mother’s constant and unwanted reminders, but Michael was used to it having had Mary in his life for five years now. He knew she meant no harm from it and had grown enough thick skin by this point to not pay it any mind.

“I’m ready,” Zoey announced, walking into the room.

“Where are you going?” Katie asked curiously.

Michael stood up, “I have a show tonight at Slyfox. You can join us if you want.”

Before Katie could respond, Mary interrupted, chuckling slightly, “No, Katie’s too young to go.”

“But I’m eighteen! And Zoey will be there!” Katie countered, eyes pleading, but to no avail. Her mom wouldn’t budge.

“Sorry, kiddo,” Michael roughed up Katie’s hair, “maybe next time.”

Zoey always appreciated how Michael treated her younger sister and tried to include her in things, even though it usually got shot down by her parents. Zoey had tried talking to her mom about loosening the reins on Katie a little bit, but the conversation clearly hadn’t done much. At least she started college soon. Her freedom was only weeks away.

“You nervous to see your old coworkers?” Michael asked as they loaded back into the car.

Zoey, shrugged, “A little. But I miss them.”

“Well, the guys are excited to see you,” he said, mentioning his bandmates, “I think Dan is bringing Becky, so you’ll get to see her, too.”

Zoey smiled. Becky was Dan’s girlfriend. The two of them have been dating since right around the time she and Michael first got together. Becky was a sweet girl, but shy like her sister. The two of them had gotten along really well, hanging out during their band rehearsals and attending their little shows together. Zoey liked to think that she had helped Becky come out of her shell in the beginning. 

“Listen,” Michael started, his tone a little hesitant as he scratched the back of his head, “I think I should warn you, in case you hear it from any of the guys, but, uh...I’m kinda seeing someone.”

“Oh?”

She had been anticipating this conversation. She knew the day would come where Michael would have moved on and started dating again, but honestly, it threw her off guard. She was happy for him, don’t get her wrong, but there would always be a part of her that still loved Michael. They had been through a lot together for nearly five years and she was so close to his family. There were so many plans and expectations within their relationship that they never got to carry out. They had talked about kids and marriage and buying a house together, and it ended before either of them could accomplish any of it. She wasn’t hurt. She’s the one that ended things, after all. And she didn’t regret that decision, either. But it still left her a little sad. It was the ending of an era.

Michael rushed to explain himself, his tone still the same. She could tell he was trying to ease into it, afraid of hurting her feelings, “It’s nothing serious, yet. But, yeah, I just thought you should know.”

Zoey turned to look at him, grinning understandingly, “I’m happy for you. You deserve it.”

Michael smiled back, nodding. She could see the relief wash over him as his shoulders relaxed. It’s weird - being back in this car with him. There were so many memories involving this car. A stain on the upholstery of her seat from when she accidentally spilled hot chocolate after a spontaneous midnight Wawa run. Warn out stereo buttons from the endless song skipping they did on their long road trips to the Poconos. A dent in the dash from when she had kicked it a little too hard in an attempt to get to the back seat. The number of times they had car sex in the back was, admittedly, a bit ridiculous. 

It started pretty early on at the beginning of their relationship. They met at the Slyfox. His band was playing a gig while she bartended. His friends dared him to ask her for her phone number, typical young kid shit. Then it turned into them sneaking away during break to have sex in his car. She’d always come back in, hair disheveled, trying her best to act nonchalant. She had an inkling everyone knew what she was doing, but no one said anything. Not like Andy would. Andy had no problem calling her out.

They had their fair share of fun during their relationship, that’s for sure. And Jess liked him, which only furthered her appeal for him. Jess, as kind and personable as she was, was very protective over Zoey and the men she dated. Having fun was one thing, but if you were going to make it official, it better be a good guy. It wasn’t often that Jess approved of the guys she dated. It could have been why Zoey held onto her relationship for so long. She always had a feeling that she was destined for something, or someone, else. But Jess liked her and Zoey loved his family, so why bother ruining that on a nagging hunch? 

She knew now that she was right. They were destined for something else. It was proof enough that she needed to listen to her instincts more. Which is why she tried so hard to listen to her instincts when trying to cut things off with Harry. Ever heard of the saying ‘If you care about something, let it go. If it returns, it was meant to be?’ It wasn’t a test for Harry. He didn’t get brownie points if he shot her a random text saying ‘Sorry. Let’s date.’ But, to her, there was some sort of truth in the statement. She knew how much she cared about Harry, romantically, and platonically. Harry was, in every literal sense of the word, her soulmate. She knew it to be true very early on in their relationship. 

Zoey honestly believed that this hiccup that was happening between them wouldn’t last forever. Things may not end up the way she wanted; she might not ever get the chance to be with him on an intimate level again. And she was okay with that if it meant just having him in his life. But he needed to be ready. Emotionally, he still didn’t know who he was or what he wanted to become. He needed to figure that out himself. She had no doubt in her mind that he would return to her one day. Maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not a year from now. Maybe not even ten years from now. But one day, he’d be back. She had to believe that. She needed to believe that. Otherwise, she just made the biggest mistake of her life.

Pulling up to the bar filled her with the biggest sense of nostalgia. When they walked through the door and the aroma of liquor and greasy food hit her, a smile instantly formed on her face. Everything still looked the same as it did the day she left. Lighting so dim that it took a minute to adjust, old tables and chairs scattered throughout the building, a poorly wiped down bartop with early 2000’s hits playing loudly over the speaker, patrons scattered around loudly yapping at each other. She saw the wall of framed pictures with workers and various ‘famous’ people, who weren’t all that famous to begin with, but noticeable enough. She noticed one framed picture that stood out from the rest. It wasn’t quite in the center, but close to it. A framed picture of Jess smiling and holding up a bottle of beer with light-up necklaces and gaudy party hats amongst the rest of their coworkers, Zoey standing right beside her, with an edited banner at the bottom that read ‘Jessica Lewis. Rest In Peace.’. 

Zoey remembered the day that picture was taken. It was New Years a few months before Jess died. Their boss had gathered everyone together to take a picture for their Facebook page to advertise discounted drinks. Jess was in the center because of course she was. Everyone loved him. 

“Zoey?” she heard the familiar booming voice of Dan, Michael’s friend, and the singer of their band. She turned and smiled seeing him and the rest of the guys in the band walking towards her. “Holy shit, I almost didn’t recognize you with your hair down. How have you been? You look hot!” 

Zoey laughed, giving him and the rest of the boys hugs. Dan was always very blunt, as were the rest of the guys. Before she could respond, Zach, the drummer, joked, “Not here to waste your time on this loser again, are you?” he backhanded Michael on the chest with a smirk.

“Absolutely not,” she laughed, bantering, “I live in LA now. I’ve got a city full of D-list celebrities at my disposal.”

Suddenly, she heard a screeching echo from behind the bar and turned to see her old coworker, Riley, jumping over, “Shut the fuck up! Zoey? What the hell are you doing back here?” She ran, practically tackling Zoey into the wall with such force that a framed fire exit picture came crashing to the ground. Riley paid it no mind, however, as she was too busy admiring Zoey’s hair and outfit. “Fuck! What’s in the LA water? You look so good!”

After seeing the commotion that Riley caused, more of her old coworkers had realized who had come in and they all started running over to greet her, welcoming her back with warm hugs and compliments. Michael and the guys had excused themselves to finish setting up while Zoey made her way over to the bar so that she could continue talking to her friends while they worked, laughing, and exchanging old stories while they caught her up on what’s been going on at the bar.

She felt a presence standing behind her and she turned to see Becky, a nervous grin on her face. Zoey’s eyes lit up and she stood to pull her into a hug, “Becky, I missed you!” 

“I missed you, too,” she muttered, smiling wider. “I was wondering when you’d come back to visit. Wish it was on better terms, though. I’m sure Paul was happy to see you.”

Zoey nodded solemnly, “It’s hard to believe it’s real, you know?”

“I know, he’s a good man.”

It didn’t take long for the boys to finish up their tuning before they were finally introduced and began playing. Monday nights were always live-music nights at Slyfox in an attempt to draw in more business. And it worked pretty well. The first half of the night was always slower, but the crowds usually started pouring in around 9 PM and you could always be sure to see the same groups of people coming in. 

Eventually, Michael’s parents had gotten there. They always did their best to attend any performance of their son’s, always having been supportive of his hobby of music. They knew all of the songs, singing and dancing along. Zoey always admired their parenting and knew that if she were ever given the chance to be a mother, she would want to be just like them. 

Listening to the band play brought Zoey back even more. She felt like she was reliving her memories at this point. The only reason she wasn’t entirely warped into this false sense of reality was because Jess wasn’t there. It just didn’t feel right being here without her. The familiar chords of a slower song began playing. It was a song that Michael had written about Zoey in their first year of dating, and to this day was still one of the favorites amongst the crowd. It wasn’t cheesy or too romantic; just about seeing a pretty girl from across the bar. But it was a tradition for Paul to dance with Zoey to this song.

Instinctively, the two turned to look at each other and Carol smiled, knowingly, as Paul struggled for a split second to stand up, “I’ve got to dance with my girl,” he grinned, holding a hand out for her.

Zoey grinned, taking his hand as he led her a few feet away at the edge of the crowd of people before she turned and put a hand gently on her waist while the other continued to hold onto her hand. Paul was a tall man, towering over her a good eight inches. She rested her head on his chest, bonier than she remembered it being. But it eased her tension to hear his heart beating strongly in his chest. She thought, for a moment, maybe it wasn’t true. Maybe he wasn’t dying. A man this good and this kind couldn’t be taken from them. But she felt his weight beginning to bear down on her, becoming too tired to stand for much longer. She felt angry and upset. Why was this happening? It wasn’t fair. 

“You alright?” she whispered, trying not to sound too concerned.

His voice replied, more strained, but confident, “Yeah, I’ve got a strong dance partner.”

The song ended and Zoey led him back towards his wife who urged him to sit down while Zoey shared a quick look with Michael. He nodded, seeing the worry in her eyes, and she knew that he felt it, too. 

Harry hardly got any sleep that night, and by the next morning, he had practically downed a quart of coffee at his mother’s house for breakfast with her and Gemma, the words from the fight of last night repeating in his head. He analyzed every tone in each word he spoke, infuriating himself. He was better than that. He knew he was. For years he has been handling tough, hard-hitting questions with grace and ease. Why was it that he struggled when it came to his own intimate relationships he got flustered and spoke out of his ass? Almost every single thing he said he didn’t mean. Why was it so hard for him?

Zoey was right. She had never been anything but open and honest with him. There was no reason for him to feel like he couldn’t tell her any of what he was feeling. He didn’t need to worry about hurting her feelings because she was the most understandable person he knew. He was so caught up in being afraid that he was going to lose her, that he pushed her away. What kind of idiot did that make him?

He wanted to call her back or text her, but he didn’t know what to say. An apology seemed pitiful. He couldn’t seem to find the right words to express just how regretful he was. And he still couldn’t figure out everything he was feeling enough to give her an answer to her question. He cared for her so deeply that hearing the silence on the other end of the line just about shattered his heart. And waking up this morning to texts from everyone but her only made it worse. 

He wondered how her night was with Michael. She said that she had no intention of getting back with him, but he still found himself wondering if he had pushed her back into the arms of her ex. He knew how strong of a relationship she had with his family, it was certainly possible. He needed to stop thinking this way. He needed to stop assuming.

“Now, I know you don’t have jetlag,” Harry’s mom, Anne, spoke after placing her cup on the table, noticing Harry’s exhaustion, “Rome is only an hour difference. What’s the matter, darling?”

“You look like you got dumped,” Gemma teased, unknowingly.

The look on Harry’s face must have hit both women at the same time because their eyes widened in realization and they shared a glance before Anne spoke again, more softly, “Is it that Zoey girl?”

“Mom,” Harry warned.

“I didn’t know you two were dating,” Gemma spoke.

“We weren’t.”

“Well did something happen in Italy, then?” his sister pressed. When Harry didn’t answer, her eyebrows raised and a smirk began to form, “It did, didn’t it? I knew you liked her!”

“Yeah, well, I’m pretty sure she hates me now.”

“What happened, dear?” his mom asked, placing a hand on top of his.

Harry sighed, slouching more in his chair, “Do we have to talk about this?”

“Well, maybe we can be of some help,” his mom offered.

Harry hesitated, taking a moment to decide before taking a breath. Why not? “It’s my fault, really. Things happened in Italy and they were great. But then she asked where our relationship was going and I panicked and said I didn’t know and accused her of still wanting to be with her ex-boyfriend because she flew home to visit him.”

“Why is she visiting her ex-boyfriend?” Gemma asked, her face screwed up in judgment.

Harry winced, covering his face with his hands, embarrassed as he explained, “Because she found out his dad is dying of cancer and has three months to live. And she’s extremely close to him.”

The girls gasped. He didn’t need to look up at their faces. He knew that the judgment they had for Zoey a second ago would be shifted onto him. And his intuition was correct as he heard his mom breathe his name in disappointment, “Oh, Harry.” He looked up to see her eyes filled with sadness, almost pleading, “You didn’t.”

He groaned, throwing his head back, “I know. I don’t know why I said it. She’s the one that broke up with him in the first place. I just panicked!”

“Well, why did you panic, you idiot? You obviously like her!” Gemma urged, as though it was the most obvious thing on the planet.

“You know how hard dating is for me!” Harry defended himself, “It’s a lot more complicated than just liking each other.”

“Darling,” Anne spoke so evenly that she made everything sound so simple and plain, “It’s okay to be worried. We know your life isn’t as black and white as most people, and that’s okay. But you remember how it feels to lose a loved one from cancer. Remember Robin and Johannah? Remember how hard that was for you? All she needs is someone who understands and someone who can be there for her. Not the added pressure that you put on her.”

“I know. I messed up,” Harry groaned into his palms, “I don’t know what to do. I really don’t want to lose her. I’m just…I don’t know. My life isn’t easy to keep up with.”

“Do you care about her?” Anne asked.

“Yes.”

“Then don’t you think she can decide if she can keep up with you or not?”

“....yes.”

“Then tell her, you idiot!” Gemma smacked him.

“What if she’s still pissed off at me? What if she doesn’t want anything to do with me?” he stressed.

Anne shot her daughter a look of warning before calmly explaining, “Darling, you both clearly care about each other. She might still be upset, but I doubt she’d be unwilling to talk to you. You don’t have to jump into a relationship if you don’t want to. But you should be honest with yourself and her and have a conversation about what you really want out of it. If you just want her in your life as a friend, then tell her. But if seeing her with someone else is upsetting you that much, then maybe you should give it a try. All I will say on the matter is that you seemed genuinely happy when she was in your life. Just be honest with her. Lay all of your feelings out on the table and go from there.”

Harry took a breath, letting the words his mother said to sink in. He needed time to gather his thoughts. He needed to figure out everything he felt. He looked at his phone to see the time. It was 9 AM in London.

“It’s too early to call her right now,” he said, “It’s only 3 AM.”

“Don’t call her! Go to her!” Gemma threw her hands up.

“Honey, he just flew back home. He can just Facetime her or something.”

“Mom, it’ll be more romantic if he flies to her!” she shot back, turning to Harry, “Just go to her. You said you visited her family before. Do you remember where they lived?”

Harry sat up, intrigued by what his sister was saying, “Y-yeah, I think so. I have her family’s phone number, though. I could always get it.”

“Then go!”

Harry nodded, flustered trying to get up from his seat.

“Not this second, Harry,” Anne reached up to his arm with a laugh, “You can carry out your Romantic Comedy fantasy after breakfast.”

Harry laughed, nervously as the two of the girls he loved most in his life chuckled at him and took a swig of their coffees, nerves rushing through his veins. How could he eat now? He was too anxious.

KEEP READING

----------------------------------------------------

Taglist for Somebody To You:

@thurhomish​ , @stilljosiegrossie​ , @odetostep​ , @apples2019​ , @stylesmioamore​ , @inyourhaven​

[bethhxrmon]

do flowers exist at night? -chapter one

Chapter One: The Party That Was Not A Graveyard Smash

Pairing: Steve Harrington x OC

Chapter Summary: In an attempt to try and fit in and make friends, Annie decides to take a chance on a Halloween party. Whether or not it was a good idea is up for debate.

Word Count: 3.7k

Warnings: Swearing, Billy being the awful person he truly is

A/N: So here we are, the first full chapter! I hope everyone enjoys this and if you feel so inclined, let me know what you think! If you missed the prologue, you can find it here.

~*~*~*~

The bell rang for class to start, but that was not enough to pry Annie away from her book. With Carrie’s destruction of an entire town in full-swing, how could anyone expect her to put it down? There weren’t many pages left. She already went through this section of government class in two other schools already. Not to mention her lawyer mother made sure she knew the Constitution forwards and backwards, especially the Bill of Rights. 

“Annette, is that what we’re doing right now?” the teacher asked.

Annie’s head snapped up and she slowly closed the book, “Um… no, sorry.”

Right behind her, she could hear Carol snickering with Tommy. Instead of turning around and snapping at them like she so badly craved, she chewed on the inside of her cheek.

“Well, being new is not going to exempt you from participating in this class. How many amendments were in the Bill of Rights?” the teacher asked, staring her down.

Annie tried to hold back a laugh and failed, “Ten, do you want me to name them all? We’ve got the first one with freedom of speech, petition, assembly, press, and religion. Then the next one is the right to bear arms. After that we’ve got the soldier quartering act, the freedom from search and seizure… should I continue?”

“I will continue teaching the class. You will pay attention,” replied the teacher, her face flushing.

From the corner of her eye, she could see the King of Hawkins High himself trying to not to laugh from a couple desks in front of her. He then shifted his position and caught Annie’s eye. Annie arched an eyebrow and then Steve nodded to her book.

An oddly specific act of kindness in her opinion, Annie shrugged and went back to her book. This time, she also made an effort to position herself so it wouldn’t be obvious she was reading. Even though she could tell Steve was making an effort to help her out for whatever reason. She continued reading the destruction as it came to an end. The hardest thing about not giving herself away was not allowing herself to react to what she was reading.

The book was finished within the next fifteen minutes and she looked over at the board. No one was paying attention. Everyone was talking about the party at Tina’s. Despite not having anyone to go with, Annie contemplated going anyway. Being home alone for the last few days made the matter lose its novelty.

Within the last half hour of class, Annie put away her copy of Carrie and pulled out The Exorcist. It was Halloween, what else was she going to read? Perhaps reading about supernatural experiences wasn’t the best thing to read while she was home alone, but she didn’t care. After watching the movie, she had to know what it was all supposed to be about.

When the bell rang, Annie closed her backpack and slung it over her shoulder. She fidgeted with the sleeve of her black and white striped shirt as she made her way to her locker. Once she unlocked it, she got the things she needed and left the building.

She pulled her Walkman out of the pocket of her dark blue windbreaker, put her headphones on over her ears and pressed play. The Walkman went back into Annie’s pocket as she walked. There were a few mix-tapes in a small pocket of her backpack and several more at home. All with long titles written with a black fountain pen in sloppy cursive varying from “songs to give me that good boost of dopamine” to “i need to feel like a badass in half an hour or less”. The tape currently in her Walkman was “spooky vibes for the spookiest day of the year”. A Halloween mix-tape felt fitting.

“Time Warp” was going through her ears as she made her way down the street. Having lived in large cities where a car would have been a hassle, Annie only relied on public transit in the past. After the divorce, her mom only had enough money to get one car. There wasn’t much of a chance for Annie to learn how to drive and the bus took far longer to get her home than walking did.

Sure, there was a bit of a chill, but Annie just zipped up her jacket over her shirt and had her hands in the pockets. In the pocket without the Walkman, she could feel her switchblade. After years of late night rehearsals in Seattle, she wasn’t about to play around with staying safe in any town. Even if it was as small as Hawkins.

After about half an hour, Annie got home just in time for “Ghostbusters” to play. A small, brick-colored house stood in front of her. She unlocked the front door and went inside. Immediately, Erik started dashing around the house, causing Annie to smile.

She took off her headphones, letting them hang around her neck.

“You’ve been keeping busy,” she said, watching as Erik finally stopped when he hopped on the windowsill in the living room.

There wasn’t much to be done, so she put her headphones on again and pulled out her book from her backpack, flopping on the couch. After reading for a little bit, she closed her book and marked her page with the flyer for Tina’s party. 

Was she really going to go? The thought of waiting for children to come knocking on her door when she was perfectly aware no one would come was a last resort for sure. The small house she shared with her mom edged on the outskirts of town. Some annoying middle schooler even claimed it was haunted. All she remembered about him was he wore a baseball cap and had super curly hair. 

However, ghosts were not real, so there was nothing to worry about. At least, that was what Annie told herself as she got up from the couch. She went over to her room, putting the cassette in her boombox so she could hear it as she got ready for the party. What else was she going to do with her time?

Maybe it would be fun. Maybe she could get some friends. Maybe things would stop feeling like they were steadily falling apart. 

She pressed the play button and music started to come from her boombox as she went to her closet. If she didn’t put this Sandy costume to use now, she would never get a chance to use it. So she changed into the black pleather pants and a black, cold shoulder shirt. It was simple but obvious. All that was left was some hair and makeup.

That was easier said than done as Annie distracted herself dancing around her bathroom as “Superstition” played in her room. She spun around, dancing like an idiot and suddenly everything went black. The power had to have cut out again, but that didn’t change how jarring it was to be in a pitch black room. Unable to even see what was in front of her, she reached out to the wall to try and find her way to the door.

It was a good idea until she felt something wet and slimy and she recoiled. A scream left her mouth and she shut her eyes, not sure what that was at all. Something just felt off.

And just like that, the power came back on. As for the slimy wall, it was dry. There was still residue on her hand and she was quick to scrub it all off. She made sure to leave the bathroom door open this time in case the power cut out again.

By the time her hair was all curled and teased and her eye makeup and red lipstick were applied, it was about time for the party. She threw on her shoes and the black leather jacket that was supposed to tie the whole thing together. The only thing that was super different was the lack of red heels. Her switchblade was in the pocket of her jacket and she left once her cat had his food.

It took a decent walk to get to Tina’s, but it wasn’t nearly as dangerous as she figured. With a bunch of kids running around, she was in decent company for most of the walk.

Finding Tina’s house was the easy part when she saw all the different people going in and out. It took a bit more courage to walk up to the house and go inside.

What if they didn’t like her? The thought of people actually liking her was a bit more tempting than caving to the prior thought. So she forced herself to walk all the way up to the house and inside.

There were other teens in their own costumes and it was already loud and people were dancing around. She could smell the alcohol as it mixed in with sweat and cigarette smoke. Probably a bit of weed too, but she couldn’t be too sure. If she didn’t cower into herself, then maybe she had a chance at fitting in.

As she walked towards the punch bowl, she couldn’t help feeling the eyes of someone staring at her from across the room. Her eyes ended up meeting Billy Hargrove’s for just a moment. Annie was quick to turn away and focus on filling up her cup. 

Liquid courage would do the trick, right? It had done her some form of good in the past. She just needed a chance to relax.

Spending time on her own for so long made her want nothing more than to be around other people. Being liked by them would be a nice addition too. With the way Billy looked at her, it was possible that things were taking a turn for the better.

Annie would never admit it, but she kind of had the tiniest grudge against the boy. After all, he had the nerve to move into Hawkins a couple weeks after she had. It solidified her position in the school as the depressed weird girl. Sure, she might have done some of that to herself, but that didn't mean that she didn't long to be liked and to have someone to talk to.

Besides, there could be a sense of camaraderie between both of them. They were both from places far away from Hawkins. And, okay, maybe Annie was using all of this to justify the fact that she was going to try talking to him because he was hot. Was that such a crime?

It was Nancy Wheeler coming over and almost pushing her away from the punch bowl that ripped Annie from her thoughts. She rolled her eyes, walking away from her and over to where Billy was.

And just as she thought, he was kind of charming. Almost in the same way her last boyfriend had been. This was the sort of thing that she was supposed to be doing. Not reading all the books that she could find alone in her house, but flirting with people and partying. If she was stuck in this town, she may as well try to find someone worth talking to.

Two cups of punch later and she'd somehow managed to gain some sense of popularity. When some of her favorite songs came on, she had no trouble going out and dancing. What she wasn't the biggest fan of was how Billy was now at a point where he seemed to be staring at her almost too intently.

"Hey, what do you say I get you another drink?" Billy asked, looking down at her.

Annie shook her head, leaned against the wall, "It's all good, I've still gotta walk home.

"Walk home?! Come on, I can take you home myself," he said, turning so he all but had her cornered there.

She was quick to shake her head again, "That's fine, you've been drinking, I'd rather not deal with that."

"I haven't had that much," he insisted, though Annie could smell the alcohol right on his breath.

Sure, she was a little tipsy, but she wasn't stupid either. If she went in his car, he'd try to screw around with her. Which would have been fine if she was into that, but she just wanted to hang out somewhere for a few hours. Flirting wouldn’t be too bad either, but she really just wanted to talk to people.

"Um... I'm good, seriously, and can you get-" she was cut off by a sudden silence in the room.

While Annie wasn't sure of what happened, she was pretty sure Steve just got Nancy to spill red punch all over her sweater. Regardless of who was at fault there, Billy had turned just enough that she could duck away and leave the house. If she stayed much longer, she wasn't sure anyone would have tried to help her out.

The Halloween air was a bit chilly, so she tugged her leather jacket around herself. Some people were standing around the front yard. No one seemed to notice she was there. It was like the black costume made her blend into the night. At least she could say she really tried. She went to a party and tried to talk to people. It was on her for thinking Billy wouldn't end up creeping her out.

She wasn't sure if she really wanted to take the walk back to her house just yet. Obviously she would have to eventually, but she wished she could have made a friend who could drive her home later. Instead, she was stuck in the middle of the walkway, staring down at some streetlights. It was a bit too bright for her to really see any of the stars.

Someone brushed right past her, almost shoving her to the side, "Hey, what the hell?!"

Her words were either deliberately ignored or she had been too quiet to have been heard in the first place. It seemed that was happening more and more lately. Though, it only took her a couple seconds for her to realize that it had been Steve who brushed her to the side like that. For being the King of Hawkins High, no one seemed to be going after him.

A bit of alcohol still in her system, she jogged a little bit, "Hey, Harrington."

"I already said I was sorry," he snapped, "What do you want?"

Annie blinked, "Well um... I um..."

"Listen, now's a shitty time-"

"Jesus Christ, let me finish my sentence!" Annie exclaimed before shaking her head, "Sorry, just... I know we're not friends or anything, but you look kinda lonely."

Steve grimaced, "Yeah, that's kind of the point."

The Steve Harrington standing in front of her now was a far cry from the guy who helped her sneak her book out in government that day. Maybe turning around and heading out was the better idea. Then she saw Billy starting to head out of the house and decided dealing with a broken-hearted jerk was a bit better than dealing with a creep.

"Well... I guess I don't know what happened-"

"So you wanna find out and gossip with Hargrove or some shit?" he asked, his hands on his hip.

Annie rolled her eyes, "Let me finish! No, I don't even know him that well. In case you didn't notice, I kinda don't have any friends." she noticed him start to open his mouth, "And don't you dare say anything until I'm done. I just-I wanted to check on you. I don't know what happened, and maybe I'm really overstepping here, but I wanted to make sure you're okay."

It was then that Annie noticed Steve looked like he was thirty seconds away from crying his eyes out.

"You're being serious?"

She nodded, "I wouldn't have anyone else to talk to about this... but if you really wanna be alone, I'll let you be."

"Ah, fuck it," he muttered, "Come on, book girl."

Annie couldn't stop herself from laughing as she started walking with him, "I've got a name, you know."

"Yeah, well..." he trailed off, looking down almost like he was trying to wrack his brain.

"Annette or Annie, whatever's easier to remember," she said.

Steve sighed, "Right... sorry, names just aren't really my thing. Nothing's really my thing, though."

"I'm sure that's not true. You're, like, super popular," she replied.

He scoffed, "Yeah, and that's why I'm bullshit."

She could see that Steve was rather pained about the whole thing. What that thing was, she wasn't completely sure. Of course, she wasn't even sure where they were walking off to either.

"Okay, who told you that?"

"Nancy."

Annie blinked in surprise, "Isn't that your girlfriend?"

"Don't remind me," he said, leading them both over to a small park.

She frowned, "I don't know how much it means coming from me, but I don't think you're bullshit."

"You don't even know me," he pointed out, sitting on a swing.

"No, but you're not a dick to me."

"A year ago I would've been."

Annie sat on the swing next to him, "And what the hell does the you from a year ago have to do with any of this?"

"I ki- I fucked up. I fucked up so many times. I shouldn't even be with Nancy right now, she had... every right to dump me and never look back. Apparently she's been wasting her time this whole time," he let out a shaky sigh.

She frowned, "Well... if you don't mind me asking,what's wrong with the both of you now?"

There was a sense of something between Steve and herself. It was obvious there was a barrier. Just because she was helping didn't mean he wanted to open up to her. At the same time, if he hadn't really wanted her there, he could have told her to fuck off at any point. So she chose to set her eyes on some moon flowers in the park.

Steve fumbled around in his pocket before pulling out a cigarette and a lighter, “Do you want one?”

“No sorry… um I quit a while back.”

Another silence fell between the pair as he lit a cigarette. Annie mentally cursed herself. Why would he care that she quit smoking? He most likely just asked the question to be nice.

"It's complicated. Last year was... it was really rough, we went through a lot. We went through it together, you know?" he took a deep breath, "I guess... I really thought we were getting through it, you know? And... I know it's almost a year, and I guess... I guess we're not seeing things the same way."

That was when Steve's voice cracked, and Annie hesitated to shift over so she was closer to him. She put an arm around Steve, letting him cry. Well, she couldn't see he was crying, but she assumed that was what he was doing.

She let out a soft breath, "Well, I'm no shrink, far from it, but I mean... she seemed pretty drunk. Maybe she wasn't thinking."

"I know she meant it, okay?!" he snapped, "Sorry, I... she's got a point."

"Just because someone has a point doesn't mean they're right. All I'm saying is that... maybe there's more you both have to unpack if what you went through was really that serious."

He shook his head, "Even if I'm not bullshit, which I doubt, she said she didn't love me anymore. I planned the rest of my life around us loving each other. I’m such a fucking idiot."

"Okay, I'm sure that's not true, Steve," she said despite having no clue, "She's probably just pissed off about something. You should probably just talk to her when she's sober. You guys seem to have something really good going, and you’re not an idiot."

Whenever she walked around the halls for the short time she was there, they looked pretty cute. Though, she supposed that wasn't everything. It still only seemed right to help him feel like there was something still worth fighting for.

Annie sighed, "All I'm saying is that there's gotta still be something there, right?"

"I guess," he said, "Why're you even here?"

"That's a loaded question, my friend," she said, patting his shoulder.

He turned, squinting his eyes at her, "Okay, why're you sitting here talking to me?"

"Well... a specific chain of events happened and you walked into me. I got kinda pissed because I felt invisible, and you looked like shit so I felt bad. And, well, the rest's history."

"I look like shit?" he asked with a halfhearted laugh.

She shrugged, "Your face is a bit red, but your costume's solid and your hair's still pretty good."

Steve started to chuckle, "Glad my hair's still got it... hey, did you need a ride?"

"Um... I don't, you're probably totally far off from where I live," she said, messing with her hands in her lap.

He shook his head, "Now that's some real bullshit. Come on, book girl, I'm driving you home. You'll get eaten alive out here by yourself."

"Alright, fine," she said, getting up, "I've still got a name, for the record."

Steve looked at her in thought, "Maybe... but I think mine suits you more. I've never seen someone read that much in two weeks."

"Perks of having no friends," she replied with a tight-lipped smile.

He got up, leading the way to his car, "And what does that make me? Chopped liver?"

"Hey, if the shoe fits."

By the time Steve pulled up to her house, it seemed like Steve looked better. No, he wasn't super happy, but he didn't look like he was about to cry his eyes out either. As it turned out, she barely lived a quarter mile away from his house.

She opened the door, "Thanks, um... I'll see you around, yeah?"

"Yeah, good night," he said, "And by the way, you're not as invisible as you think."

Annie paused before smiling, "Thanks for that, seriously."

Once she closed the door and headed inside her house, she could feel the novelty of the night drain. It was probably an anomaly. She was okay with that.

Tag List (let me know if you would like to be tagged!): @dungeons-and-demodogs​ @jxnehxpper​ @ilovebucketbarnes​

[whatsthe-hatter-withme]

Winter Run || Pack of Two

Summary: Hatter bring Alice to his favorite spot in the woods.

@curiousxrr

ALICE:

The last couple of months, Alice noticed Hatter had been more relaxed around her. Maybe even more relaxed in general? She wasn’t entirely sure, but she did know a significant wall had come down between them. An unspoken understanding - something that was only communicated more through their actions than their words.

They understood now that they were family. Father and daughter. There was no denying it now. Alice never had, but now it seemed Hatter practically embraced it.

That’s not to say everything was so wonderful and amazing. There were still some things that weren’t perfect yet. Like the fact that someone was in the forest, willing to chase down wolves. And while Alice should take that as a sign to stop going in there for runs, she knew she couldn’t. Not once the fear subsided and the feeling of freedom bloomed in her chest again. But she didn’t want to do it alone anymore.

So, after work one day, she approached Hatter as they were cleaning tables. Everyone else had already gone home, so it was just them in the shop. “Hey...do you want to go for a run with me later?”

HATTER:

It was true that Hatter had become more comfortable around Alice. Finally accepting her as his daughter had put to rest so many constant anxious thoughts. He no longer felt guilty when he saw parts of himself in her, or berate himself when he wanted to give her a break. His over-protectiveness of her would never go away, although it came from a different place now. More to keep her safe, than himself now.

That didn't mean he just let her run wild now, though. There was still someone out there who had attacked her, and assumedly would attack any wolf. Although Alice seemed less enthusiastic to return to the forest, he knew the time would come when she'd want to be running free again, and he'd have to be ready to make an exception to his rules.

As prepared as he was, when Alice posed the question, the first thing Hatter felt was... excitement. She was inviting him along, not just telling him. It made making the exceptions to his rules much easier. "I... I'd love to," he said, unable to keep a smile from spreading across his face. "You know, I could show you a favorite spot of mine."

ALICE:

Of course, Alice knew there was someone out there. But if they ran together, they'd be safer. Safety in numbers, you know? Besides...she hated denying her true self. The Wolf and all her glory.

So when he smiled at the suggestion - said he'd love to - she almost changed right there and ran around the shop. But she didn't. She stayed rooted in her spot and smiled back. "That'd be amazing! Yes, please! When will you be ready to go? I've got one more table to wipe down myself."

HATTER:

The way his Wolf leapt with excitement made Hatter feel like a young man again. The sparkle in Alice's eyes reminded him so much of her mother, and gave him a pang of nostalgia for the runs he used to go on with her.  It only solidified his resolve to be more lenient with her. And himself.

"Whenever you are," he answered, quickly finishing up the table he was on and moving to the last one. "Because I'm already done." And done he was. After running the shoppe for two decades, something as simple as cleaning tables was already a perfected science. He could get it done in mere seconds.

ALICE:

Alice jumped at that. "Okay, wait! Let me finish this last table!" She said, rushing over to said table. It was just a quick wipe of some crumbs and then it was sparkling and new. Well, it seemed to sparkle in Alice's eyes at that moment.

"Okay, lets go, lets go!" She said. Almost like a small child with how she was vibrating with excitement as she untied her apron and moved to the back to hang it up.

HATTER:

Hatter laughed as he took off his apron and followed Alice to the back, although at a much slower pace. "Settle down, Enchantra isn't going anywhere," he assured.

Yes, he was excited, but he was still cautious. And afraid. He still needed a bit of time to prepare himself, mentally, to be back in the forest knowing someone dangerous was out there. So he grabbed his coat and made sure the shoppe was closed up properly before heading out with Alice, all the while her impatient whining fell on deaf ears. Once they entered the forest though, he picked up his pace.

ALICE:

If you asked Alice, no, she was not whining. She was rambling. Rambling with excitement and built up frustration from the small break she'd taken from the forest. Her wolf didn't like that very much, but they both knew it was for their safety.

However, with Hatter by their side, it eased them. And as they stepped foot into the forest together for the first time - it felt like a puzzle piece fell into place.

She couldn't help but look over at him, and smile. "Did...did you and Mum do this?" She asked, cautiously though.

HATTER:

Walking into Enchantra was like crossing the threshold of an old friend's house. Despite the random and magical nature that the forest changed with, it felt familiar, as if he would be able to know where even the smallest pebbles laid on the soft earth. He took a deep breath, tilting his head back, to take in the smell of pine and dirt and leaves. It had been so long. Too long.

He paused before answering Alice's question. Not that it was a hard one. He didn't want her to hear the emotion in his voice. "We did," he answered softly, looking to her with a sad smile. "We spent hours together... Running... Exploring... I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to do this with you."

ALICE:

Alice nodded. She had figured that to be the answer. Her mother had hinted at said things in her letters. And now - it was her turn to run with him. So she smiled back, nodding once more. "Better late than never - right?"

She laughed a bit then looked around before they separated for each of them to put their clothes aside and turn in private. This part was always weird and vulnerable. But once in her wolf skin, she stepped out from behind the trees and looked for Hatter.

Looking for her father and ran towards him.

HATTER:

Hatter appreciated Alice's more positive outlook on the situation. It couldn't have been easy only hearing stories of her mother than being able to make ones of her own with her. But she had him to make memories with now.

He was quick to get undressed and changed, although it felt a lot more awkward than usual. He trotted out and saw Alice was already running toward him. Instinctively, he dipped down in a half-playful, half-defensive stance before huffing a bit and standing again. His tail wagged a bit as he thought of where they were going and he gave one more huff before setting off deeper into the forest.

Running with Alice was like trying to keep pace with a bolt of lightning. She was agile and so much faster than he was. It had been a while since he he'd stretched his legs like this, but the stiffness in his joints wasn't just from being cooped up. Trying to race and play with her at the same time as navigating proved too difficult, so he let her sprint around the general area around him as he trotted along, following the smells and landmarks to their destination.

ALICE:

Alice's tail wagged enthusiastically as Hatter seemed to become more comfortable in his wolf skin. And when he took off into the forest, she followed eagerly. Since coming to Swynlake, she'd been able to stretch her legs out more. Get used to running on four legs.

She could really pick up some speed this way.

But she was much faster than Hatter, she noticed, who was still trying to get used to doing this again she could tell. So she slowed down, only running ahead to sniff excitedly at things. It wasn't like with her and the other wolf she'd met in the woods. But it was okay.

In fact, it was perfect, because she was with her father as he took a big step back forward.

HATTER:

Hatter couldn't help but wag his tail with his daughter. He hadn't been this happy to be out and about in the forest again in years. Happy to have a companion, happy to be back in his old hunting ground, happy to be *out*.

It wasn't long before they arrived. A beautiful grassy field with a little stream running through it and off into a tiny waterfall just over a low cliff's edge. Now the field was covered in snow and the stream frozen solid, but the small waterfall it made was frozen in time down the cliffside, which was indeed a beautiful sight. He huffed excitedly and pounced and rolled around in the snow a bit.

As sad as it was at first to remember the times with Carol, the excitement to make new memories with Alice was overwhelming. He had his daughter and his favorite place. Despite the struggles both of them had been through, despite the mysterious danger in the woods, everything felt like it had fallen perfectly into place.

[afewmarvelousthoughts]

Violet Skies

Pairing: Bucky X OFC

Summary: When Bucky tries to get away from yet another moment of chaotic change he’s faced with a reminder that fate, sometimes, is kind to those that wait. 

Warnings: Smut and a truckload of feels. 

A/N: I don’t know how @littledarlinhavefaithinme does it but for the second time one of her writing challenges has sent me on a journey I didn’t expect but am so happy to have gone on. (Prompt in bold.)

I hope y’all can forgive the lack of series updates in lieu of this (lengthy) one-shot.

Oh and I finally said, “Fuck it,” and made an OFC so feedback is very welcome. ALL the thanks to @wonderlandmind4 for being my beta to make sure I stayed on track with not slipping into my insert habits. She's a goddamn blessing y’all. 

I hope you love it pumpkins! 

Tags are open!

@mywinterwolf @disagreetoagree @breezy1415 @peachthatdrinkslemonade @wonderlandmind4 @stevehesaidabadlanguageword @buckysstar @for-the-love-of-the-fandom @siriuslycloudy2 @wildmoonflower @cutie1365 @handplucked @jewelofwinter @whiskeywinter89

(If you should be in my perma-tags and you’re not here let me know so I can fix it!)

Bucky needed to get away.

It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate the new friendships he was forming or the posh new digs he’d been granted courtesy of Pepper Pots and the Avenger’s Fund. He was deeply grateful. Even so, it was all so much so fast and he desperately needed to disappear to clear his head.

As he tears down highway mile after highway mile heading south, memories of another time when he needed the same freedom, fill his mind.

Unbeknownst to him, the summer of 1943 would change his life forever. In July they informed him that he was one of the best shots they’d seen in a while—he’d be an invaluable asset in the field. All Bucky heard was that they wanted him to be a killer. That knowledge sat like a brick in his gut for weeks.

When they gave him leave to return home for a stint in August he couldn’t bring himself to head straight back to Brooklyn. After all, how could he look his Ma in the eyes and tell her what they wanted him to do…

Instead, he’d done the same thing he was doing now. He ran south.

The New Orleans he pulled into would be different than the one he encountered all those decades ago. He knew time and the brutality of nature would have changed the city forever, but as he rode into the French Quarter he was pleasantly surprised to see so many things had remained the same—on the outside at least.

The last time he was in this city he had stayed in the cheapest hotel he could find. To say it was questionable would be giving it too much credit. This time, he decided he’d give himself the benefit of a decent stay. The Soniat House was central and nice, but it still had an older feel that soothed him. He liked knowing he wasn’t the oldest thing around.

It’s too early to check-in when his bike pulls up, Sunday morning. He didn’t have a plan, no sites he necessarily wanted to see and no memories he’d allow himself to seek out. All he wanted was peace. The easiest way for him to find that was to move, sitting still too much—especially alone—let his mind wander to things he’d prefer to forget for now. So, rather than linger in the lobby, he leaves his bike and heads into the Quarter on foot.

Despite it being fall the warmth and humidity are still heavy—he loves it, if he never had to be cold again in his life he’d be happy.

After a few blocks, he finds himself in Jackson Square, staring up at the beautiful facade of the St. Louis Cathedral. A steady stream of locals and tourists head into the sanctuary for Sunday morning mass. He can’t help but laugh at himself—once an altar boy.

He hadn’t stepped foot in a church since he’d been free. Some part of him felt unworthy, maybe even a little afraid. After everything recently he longed for something familiar though. With slight hesitation he joins the flow of people, taking a seat as far back as possible.

A few things were different in the ceremony but for the most part, the cadence was as he remembered. He ignored the automatic urge to take communion, watching others with just a touch of envy. Would he ever feel like he deserved to do such a thing again?

The homily was oddly fitting. The priest spoke on forgiveness—not the kind that comes from some benevolent being but the kind from within.

“We must all forgive ourselves, especially in the wake of The Blip, for the things we did to mourn, heal, and survive. After all, if our heavenly father can forgive us these things, who are we to stand in defiance of his wisdom?”

And who says God has forgiven any of us anything? Bucky thinks, bitterness filling his mouth.

When the service ends he tries to slip out without having to shake the Father’s hand. The size of the crowd prevented that though and he found himself face to face with the kindly man.

He grasps Bucky’s hand, a genuine smile on his face. “Thank you for your service soldier.”

Bucky’s heart kicks up, “How did you-”

The priest laughs a little, “You’ve got the look son. Have a blessed day.”

“Thank you, Father.” He forces a weak smile and heads away from the crowd.

An all too familiar restlessness had settled over him since the priest had clocked him for a soldier. It was the feeling that came over him before a mission, similar to the feeling that hangs in the air before a thunderstorm, itchy and electric. He hates it.  

Heading for the hotel once more he handles check-in. Since he rode his bike down he’d packed light but this also meant that settling in took not nearly long enough.

He showers, hoping the steaming hot water will wash away this feeling of anticipation but it does nothing. Staring at his reflection in the foggy mirror, tired eyes, grey dusted bread, long hair dripping with water, he comes to a decision.

With a plan in his mind, he changes quickly—slipping into a pair of dark slim denim, a black v-neck tee, and his light bomber jacket—sure it was warm but he’d rather not deal with the stares.  

It only takes him a few blocks to find an open barbershop. Swallowing his nerves he steps in.

In a little over an hour he stares, dumbfounded, at a reflection, he can’t quite connect to. This is a different man, someone who died in 1945 and couldn’t possibly be sitting here. This was the James Buchanan Barnes in the Smithsonian, the one in history books.

No, he says to himself, this is me. He still has his beard, albeit groomed, he’d never had a beard back then. The hair is similar, short on the sides and long on top.

This is me, he repeats. Like Sam said, he’s not either Sergeant Barnes or The Winter Soldier—he’s both, all the experiences, good and bad, coming together to make him who he is.

“You clean up real nice son,” the man, who couldn’t be more than 50 says with a smile.

He returns the smile, “This is all you, sir.” All while thinking, I’m likely old enough to be your grandfather.

Despite the man’s protest, he pays him three times the cost of the services plus a tip. What was the point of having money if you didn’t use it like this?

Some of the anxiety lifts after he walks from the shop. He feels lighter like he left something behind there to be swept up and tossed. The rest of the afternoon is spent eating, poking his head into a few shops, enjoying not having anything he feels he has to do.

Evening begins to fall as he watches the Mississippi from a bench in Woldenberg Park. There’s a touch of pleasant coolness to the breeze now, lifting some of the dense humidity he’d grown used to throughout the day.

He breathes in the air, curling his fingers behind his head as he leans his face up to the sky, eyes sliding shut. Being by the water always brought him a sense of peace.

It’s not that he’s tired but closing his eyes feels nice. Soon his muscles relax and he allows himself to doze just a bit. When he opens them once more the sun is just peeking above the horizon, a swatch of orange beneath a violet sky.

Instantly his mouth goes dry as a voice from the past whispers to him about another lifetime and a violet sky.

—

Sweat drips in rivulets down his back. The brass band chases away all other thoughts that could fill his mind. Cigarettes, whiskey, and the smell of the woman next to him fill every other sense.

He’d lost track of time. Was it day two or three? Was this the fifth gal he’d take back to his squalid digs? When did he have to leave? He had to leave right?

His head began to spin.

“James?” The woman next to him tugs on his sleeve. He doesn’t respond, unused as he is to hearing that name. “Hey, James?”

“Huh?” He looks down at her. “Sorry.”

“I don’t wanna bust your chops soldier but you’re lookin’ pretty sauced.”

“Guess I am,” he slams back the remains of the whiskey in his glass.

“Why don’t you take me back to your place then?” She coos the question against his ear. Her hands wander down his torso, grabbing his belt to tug him close.

This isn’t what he wants. Sure, she’s pretty enough but he’s too warm, too drunk, and too morose for this. He needs air.

“I hate to ditch a dame like you but,” he pushes her back, “I’m gonna have to call it a night.”

“What? Are you serious?” She looks so offended, he wished he cared.

“Yeah. Have a good night, Carol.”

“It’s Mary!” She yells to his back. He doesn’t acknowledge her as he makes his way through the crowd to the door.

Once outside he’d hoped for relief but in this southern climate, the sun being down didn’t do much of anything for the heat in August. He barely makes his way down the street before stumbling into an alley to relieve his stomach of the whiskey sloshing around in it.

“Fuck,” he groans pressing his forehead against the bricks. They’re barely cooler than his skin but it feels good none the less. He heaves once more before stumbling to the other side of the alley and collapsing.

A lump rises in his throat. He forces it down along with the nausea, cradling his face in his hands. Home. He needed to make his way home. But home meant facing the future…

“You doin’ alright down there?” A velveteen voice croons from somewhere above him.

With effort Bucky forces his eyes open locating the source of that sweet voice. A woman leans over the edge of the second-floor iron balcony of the building he just wretched on.

“Been better. Sorry.”

“Stay there,” she calls down before disappearing.

He very much wished he had the gumption to run and hide. But his dignity was just going to have to withstand this particular embarrassment because there was no way he was going anywhere fast.

In a few minutes, a woman steps onto the sidewalk. Once he gets an eyeful he feels a little soberer and a whole lot lousier. This wasn’t just some bland bird. The woman swaying toward him was, simply put, stunning. And she had undoubtedly just watched him hit bottom.

Excellent, he thinks.

“Here,” she kneels down holding out a glass that looks damp with condensation.

He does a double-take, unable for a moment to think about anything but caramel skin, freckles, full red lips, and the most fascinating eyes he’d ever seen. At a glance, they could be called grey but truly they were silver, rimmed with coal-black lashes and filled with tender concern.  

“I’m so-sorry ma’am,” he stutters trying to force himself up straighter. “I don’t mean to be a nuisance.” Right now he’s happy he could blame the whiskey and heat for his burning ears.

“You’re not a nuisance.” Her voice wasn’t exactly the predominant southern drawl he’d been hearing in the city. There was something else to it, softer, foreign even. “Drink this, it’s just water.”

“Thank you.” Gratefully he takes the glass, gulping down the contents with relief.

“Better?” He nods. “Good. Now,” she pulls the stopper off an unmarked bottle and hands it to him, “drink this. It’ll take the edge off.”

He eyes her suspiciously for a moment, searching for some kind of malice, as he takes the small bottle. Cautiously he sniffs it. The contents don’t smell bad, a mix of mint and a smell that made him remember summer lightning. Strange, but honestly he didn’t give a damn. Without any more hesitation he drinks it.

There’s a moment of zinging through his whole body and then… nothing. Not even the uncomfortable drunken haze remained. Yeah, he still felt a little intoxicated and his abdomen was a touch sore from vomiting but all in all his faculties seemed restored.

“What the hell is that?” He studies the bottle, looking for some kind of identifying mark. There’s only a little wax from where it had held the stopper and a slight greenish tint from the liquid that was once inside.

“Magic,” her voice sounds mischievous. He looks up at her and she winks.

Bucky laughs a little, “Well, whatever it was you could make a fortune selling it.”

“Maybe,” she stands, extending a hand to help him up. Once on his feet, he dusts his trousers off, more to buy time as he searches for something to say than thinking he could actually fix his rumpled appearance.

“Apologies for chucking up on your place here…” Smooth, Barnes. Real smooth. He chides himself.

The woman only laughs, “Oh this isn’t mine. I was just at some awful party. Really, you did me a favor by picking this spot to lose it.”

He grins, “Well, in that case, I guess we’re almost even.”

“Almost?”

“Let me buy you a drink and we can really be square.”

She raises an eyebrow, gesturing to the other side of the alley. “Haven’t you had enough booze?”

He shrugs, “You worked your magic. I’m ready for another round.”

Those fascinating eyes narrow then soften. “Alright. But you only get one magic potion a night so if you end up in another alley you’re stuck there.”

“Fair,” he flashes her a wide smile.

“Let me take this back inside,” she holds up the glass. “I’ll be right back.”

Without a word, she hustles into the building. Honestly, a part of him doesn’t expect that she’ll be back but in just a few minutes there she is, tucking one of her tight dark curls behind her ear as she heads out to meet him.

“Glad you came back,” he smiles at her as she approaches.

“What, think I’d run off?”

“Wasn’t sure if a lamb like you’d really wanna go grab a drink with a drunk you met in an alley.”

“How d’you know I’m such a lamb, huh?” Her eyes glint with the kind of moxie that really gets his temperature up.

“You did just come to my rescue back there,” he thumbs back to where he’d been sitting.

“That makes me a hero, not a lamb.” Multiple rings glint on her fingers as she sets her hands on her ample hips.

“True,” he concedes. “Ya know, I didn’t catch my savior's name.”

She smiles, “Antoinette.” She pronounces it in the French style, the first syllable making a soft sound as it crosses those lips. “But you can call me Toni.” It’s beautiful, perfect for her.

“Pleasure to meet you, Toni,” he holds out his right hand. She takes it, soft skin sliding against his callouses, “I’m Bucky.”

“Pleasure,” she nods. “Come on, let’s get that drink.”

She takes a few confident strides forward as Bucky stares at her retreating form for a moment. The open back of her halter dress is as tantalizing as the sway of her hips.

“Damn,” he whispers under his breath.

Pausing she swings her head back, a broad grin on her lips, “I know it’s a fine view but it’s rude to keep a lady waitin’.”

Bucky laughs, “Must’ve left my manners with my dignity in the alley.” He catches up, taking her proffered arm.

The joint she leads them to doesn’t look like much of anything from the outside. There’s no street entrance, instead, they wind their way back through an overgrown courtyard and enter through a door that’s seen better days—in fact, Bucky was a little worried the thing was going to fall off the hinges when she swung it open.

As soon as they’re in, he hears low notes of a sax playing a smooth song. Down the dim hall, they follow the music until reaching an intricate wooden door guarded by a doorman.

“Wondered if we’d see you tonight Miss Toni,” the dark-skinned man flashes her a broad smile before giving Bucky the once over. “We do have a dress code ya know,” his tone far harsher than when he’d spoken to her.

Bucky’s not sure what to say. He looks like he’d been rode hard and hung up wet and he knows it.

“Oh come on, Cal. The Yanks havin’ a tough time is all. Make an exception for me?” She pats the man's lapel, batting her eyes up at him.

“Fine, but only cuz that cure-all you gave my mama has her up an’ about again.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” Her tone is sincere.

“But if the boss wants him out-”

“I’ll handle it, Cal. Thanks!” She grabs Bucky’s hand and pulls him into the bar.

Violet shades cover all the lamps, paired with the haze from the cigarettes the room has an ethereal glow. People murmur quietly around small tables and in cozy booths, not a one speaking so loud as to interrupt the lone man on the stage playing that sweet melancholy sound.

Bucky doesn’t even realize that she left his side, nor that he’s been watching the man play for so long until she taps his shoulder, two drinks in hand, and nods her head toward a back corner booth.

“Thought I was the one gettin’ the drinks,” he says as soon as they slide into the booth next to one another.

“You seemed to be enjoying the show, didn’t seem right to interrupt.” Toni sips her martini, a satisfied look crossing her features before continuing. “Besides, not like I paid for it.”

“Got another beau up there,” Bucky tosses her a grin and takes a sip of the whiskey. It was fine stuff.

“Hardly,” her eyes slide around the patrons, “bartender owes me several.”

“Seem to have a lot of people in your favor.”

Her shoulders lift in a shrug, eyes diverting to the olives in her glass.

Bucky decides it’s a sensitive topic and switches tracks. “What’s this about me bein’ a Yankee anyway?”

“You are, aren’t you?” Her gaze slides up to meet his, a little smile playing at the corners of her mouth.

“What gave me away?”

“Oh come on,” her shoulder nudges his, “with that accent? How could you be anything else?”

“I don’t have an accent!” He plasters a look of mock offense on his face for emphasis.

“And neither do I,” she says with a snort.

“What is your accent anyway?”

“Creole. Don’t hear too much of it in the city these days.”

“Not from the city?”

“Not exactly.” Those shadows again. “Smoke?” She reaches into her purse and pulls out a cigarette case.

“Don’t mind if I do.” Bucky pulls his lighter out before she has a chance. “Let me,” he lifts the flame to her cigarette before his own.

She takes a drag. “The boy does have manners,” tendrils of smoke accenting her words further.

“A few. Don’t get your hopes up.”

On the stage, a small band has replaced the lone musician. Just a bass, drums, sax, and piano. More than enough though. They begin a slow but swinging tune that gets a few folks on their feet.

Bucky notices you watch them, a serene expression on her face.

“You happy just watchin’?” He asks as she finishes her drink.

Immediately she looks at him as though she forgot he was there for a moment. “I… yeah, usually. I… Well, I come here alone a lot.”

“That’s hard to believe.” He touches her fingers gently with his own as they both stamp out the remains of their smokes.

“On the house, Miss Toni,” the bartender says, depositing two identical drinks on the table.

“Thanks,” she smiles at the man.

“At this rate, I’m not gonna get to repay my debt.”

“I’m sure you can think of some other way to repay me.” She leans a little closer, moving her hand to slide her fingers between his.

“Hmm,” he hums, running his thumb across the surface of the rings on her fingers. Slowly, giving her time to pull away, he lifts her hand, placing a kiss on her knuckles. Beneath the table his free hand sliding just above her knee.

Eyes locked on hers, lips still hovering over her hand he says, “Why don’t we start with a dance?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

As the two of them dance one, two, three dances the bar fills with patrons. He’s not sad for it. The more people on the dance floor the closer he could hold her, the more excuses he had to breathe in her intoxicating scent of woodsmoke, roses, and a spice he can’t name.

No one’s doing the Lindy here. Everyone is dancing slowly, moving to the rhythm of the music and their partner.

Sometime in the middle of the fourth song the two of them stop moving, save for a slow sway. Those eyes of hers drawing him in. He lowers his lips, catching hers. To his relief, she returns his affection.

Eagerly she pulls him from the dance floor and back to their secluded booth. The larger crowd makes this space feel even more private, hidden. He’s glad of it.

Bucky presses her back into the corner of the booth, kissing her hard. Those soft lips open to him and he tastes her, something sweet with a hint of gin and smoke.

With effort he pulls back, smirking at the little pout on her face. She wouldn’t be pouting long.

He slides close, lifting one of her shapely legs over his. He curls an arm around her shoulders, drawing her into him. With her cheek on his shoulder, his body angled just so, and the privacy afforded by the booth he trails his other hand up her skirt, sliding his fingers around her underwear.

When his thumb slides across her bud he can just make out the little gasp she releases over the music and the crowd. Steadily he strokes, her body reacts, hips pressing up, demanding more.

Toni lifts her face up to his eyes glassy with desire, and kisses him until a small moan trips over her tongue.

“Hush now doll,” he croons into her ear, “don’t want anyone to come ruin the fun.”

He can feel her breath quicken, feel her shudder a bit beneath him.

“You like that,” he nips a little at her ear. A hand flies to her mouth to catch the sound. “Thought so. Come on sweetheart.”

Just a little more and… She buries her face in his shoulder, hand gripping his shirt tight as she comes hard.

Bucky moves his hand, wrapping her trembling form in his arms. For some time he holds her like this, comfortable, and admittedly a little self-satisfied.

Suddenly he feels her hand grab him, fingers deftly caressing his cock through the fabric. His breath catches as he looks down at her smirking face.

She lifts her lips to his ear, applying just a touch of pressure, “You think that makes us even?” Her teeth sink into his ear lobe causing his hips to thrust up, pressing into her grip. “Nowhere close.”

In moments they’re in the courtyard. Bucky presses Antoinette against the crumbling brick wall, pinning her arms to her sides as he trails kisses down her neck and collarbones.

“Bucky,” she groans pulling at his restraint.

“Come to my place,” he says in a gravel tone after kissing his name from her lips.

“Bet mine’s closer.”

“Lead the way then,” he releases her.

The block to Toni’s digs takes several times longer than it should. Neither of them able to go more than a few feet without pausing to taste the other. There’s a moment when Bucky isn’t sure they’re going to make it to her place before having one another.

They do make it though.

Toni stops in front of a shop, the sign above the door reads: “Madame Antoinette’s: Palmistry, Cards, Assistance.”

“You’re a… fortune teller or somethin’?” He asks as they walk through the suspiciously unlocked door.

“Or somethin’.” She pulls him by the arm through the small waiting area lit by the street lights to a room filled with bottles, pouches, herbs, and other strange paraphernalia with one lamp glowing in the corner. The next room is clearly where she tells her fortunes, dark, save for one thick candle burning in a lantern.

Bucky freezes, an entirely new desire overtaking him.

When she takes a step to head out of the space all she manages is to stumble, anchored by his unmoving form. Confused she looks back to him.

“Did you wanna gawk at the decor or me?”

His gaze slides from the velvet covered road table to her face, trying his damnedest to keep his features and tone even. “Read my fortune.”

“No.” Her tone is final. Once more she pulls at him but he doesn’t budge.

His hand grips hers tighter before tugging her into his chest, “Come on.” He gives her what he hopes is a confident grin.

“I said no,” she pushes against his chest and takes a step back.

“Why not?” His brows knit.

Toni looks at the floor, at the table, and finally back to him. “I don’t tell soldier’s fortunes.”

“I didn’t-”

“You didn’t have to. I knew.”

He doesn’t want to know how. “So you’ll take a soldier to bed but not read his palm?”

“Because I know my bed holds nothing but good things,” she spits. “The fortune of a soldier is almost always bad news.”

Silence hangs, the air between them crackling. “Besides, if you need the cards to tell you what the product of war is maybe you should reconsider, soldier.” It’s his turn to look away.

She strides to the doorway they’d been heading for. “You coming or not?”

“Please,” his voice is thick with emotion. When he’s able to meet her gaze again he can feel the tears sting the backs of his eyes. Closing the distance between them he grabs her hands in his, immediately her expression softens.  

“Even if it’s bad. Please, Toni. I just… I gotta know.” He’s begging, likely losing any shot he has with her too, but it doesn’t matter. “I don’t even care if everything you tell me is bullshit. I just… I need somethin’…”

“It won’t be,” he cocks his head in confusion as her eyes drift to the table. “From me it won’t be bullshit. It will just… be.”

“Ok. I can take it. Better than not knowing.”

Subtly she shakes her head, pulling free from his grip and walking toward the candle. Bucky doesn’t move as she lights a thin stick, using it to light another white candle on the round table.

“Sit,” she commands. He does as he’s told.

Taking a deep breath Antoinette lays her hands on the table, palms up. “Give me your hands.”

He stares at her hands, suddenly nervous. “Don’t you need cards or-”

“Do you want this or not?” He nods. “Then give me your hands and shut up.”

When her hands close around his her eyes slide shut. For a few seconds everything seems normal but then he’s overcome with the strangest sensation-it’s like he’s floating and yet weighted down all at the same time, his whole body feeling the way a limb does after you’ve sat on it too long, numb yet tingling with sensation.

She releases his hands and he recoils instantly. When her eyes open he could swear that just for a second they were… glowing. It happened so fast he couldn’t be sure. What he was sure of was the steady stream of tears flowing down her freckle dusted cheeks.

“Tell me…”

Her voice is low, resonant, “You will become everything you fear. Ice will live in your veins. But only one hand will drip with blood, the other will remain snow white.” His breath leaves him. “But they will never know these things.”

Somehow he knows who she means—his family.

He almost doesn’t ask, almost doesn’t want to know… “Do… do I die… there?”

“No.”

“Oh, well… I guess that something right?” He tries to force a half-smile, he’s pretty sure it just looks like a grimace.

True sorrow filler her eyes before she has to look away from him. “There are far worse fates in this world than death, Sergeant Barnes.”

Bucky tries, he really does, to keep it together, to be a man. He’s not strong enough though, not for this. The sob bursts from his lips before he can stop it. Desperately he covers his mouth as if he could put it back.

Before he can protest his face is enveloped in the soft black fabric of her skirt, one hand holding his face against her abdomen, the other wrapped around him. He doesn’t resist, flinging his arms around her allowing the tears to take him.

Toni’s soft hands pull his face up to look at her once his sobs quiet a touch, “Come upstairs, Bucky.”

He shakes his head, “I’m sorry, Toni, but I don’t think-”

“Shh,” she slides a finger over his lips. “Trust me. Please.”

Stepping back she grips his shoulders, guiding him up from the chair. In a haze of emotion he follows her blindly out of the room and up a narrow staircase. It opens into a large open room with windows and balconies on both ends.

Past a screen toward the back balcony is a large, brass fourposter bed. Beside it she stops, fingers making quick work of his shirt buttons, sliding the garment off his shoulders and pulling his undershirt over his head. He doesn’t stop her when they wander to his trousers. In moments he’s in nothing but his shorts.

Wordlessly she unties the neck of her dress, letting it fall to reveal her chest as she unzips her skirt. In another situation he’d never be able to resist those curves, but right now, how good he’d feel between her thighs is the furthest thing from his mind.

She removes her underwear and steps past him, climbing into the unmade bed. Turning he sees open arms beckoning him to join. Understanding dawns along with an immense wave of gratitude.

He makes his way into her bed, glad to press his back into her soft warmth, allowing her to hold him tight.

Toni presses gentle kisses against his left shoulder and begins to hum a pretty, soothing song. The melody accompanied by the soft whirr of an unseen fan and her reassuring presence soon rock Bucky into a deep, dreamless, sleep.

Soft morning light filters through the lace curtains casting intricate shadows on her sleeping form. One arm is curled tight against her chest while the other is tucked under her pillow. Through lids still heavy with sleep Bucky takes in the features of her serene face.

A mahogany curl lies over her closed eyes. Ever so carefully he tucks it back into the red-brown mass splayed across her pillow. Despite his best efforts, her brows knit for a split second before her lids slide open to reveal those silvery eyes. They remind him of full moons.

“Didn’t mean to wake you,” he lets his finger trace the line of her high cheekbone. Her lips curl softly in response, reaching one and caressing his rough cheek in kind.

Closing the small space between them in one motion, Bucky kisses her tenderly. Turning her body to fully face him she returns his affection. He runs a hand down her side and around her back pulling her close against him, the warmth of her body making him ache.

She slides a hand between them, lightly scratching her nails down his chest and abdomen. When she reaches his hips she grips him, pushing him to his back as she rises to her knees.

He doesn’t resist her—deft fingers coaxing his shorts off before studying the planes of his abdomen, the curve of his hips, the tense muscles of his thighs. Not once though does she touch the one place on his body that is begging for it. Each touch elsewhere causes his cock to jerk painfully, desperate for contact.

Lips curled into a coy smile she leans over him, the tips of her breasts barely touching his chest. Lowering herself, she presses her body against him. He ruts against her, the soft flesh of her abdomen driving him wild.

She lets out a low purr, close to a laugh, “Patience.”

With her mouth teasing the tender flesh of his neck he lifts his hands to feel the curve of her spine down to her ass. Gripping the supple flesh there he tries to lift her, wanting to take her now. She reaches back, grabbing his wrists. Compliant, he allows her to pull them away, pinning them by his head.

Bucky had been with other women in the past. Never had he found himself in this position—he was utterly besotted.

When she covers his mouth with hers, he can’t help but groan with desire. Her lower body shifts thighs lifting to flank his.

Rising onto her knees the light shines on a bit of moisture on her stomach. A tiny touch of embarrassment rises in him but is obliterated when she catches it with her middle and ring fingers, brings them to her lips, and slowly sucks them clean. He can’t even breathe.

Those same fingers descend the length of her body and slide between her legs. Her lashes flutter, hips rising to her own touch. She removes them, glistening.

Before she can stop him he takes her wrist, drawing her hand to his mouth. Much as she had done, he tastes her, his tongue flicking the tips of her fingers. He holds her eyes with his, watching them widen as her breath hitches.

Toni leans down to him once more, shifting her hips forward. This kiss is unlike anything else he’s ever felt—he buries his fingers in her hair, not wanting her to stop, not wanting the humming in his chest to stop.

He can feel the heat of her hovering just above him. His cock twitches up and just barely touches the soft hair.

Lips still locked together, she reaches back to guide him into her.

Bucky thrusts up, the warm tight feeling of her sending tremors through his body. Their eyes open when he does so both frozen mid-kiss, breathless from the feeling of being joined like this.

Neither move at first. The connection somehow enough to satisfy for a time.

Untangling his fingers from her curls he grips her thighs. With a fluid swoop she rises, holding her hair back with one hand. Never looking from him she begins a steady rolling motion with her hips. He’s slack jawed with the feeling, unable to fathom anything better than this.

She runs her hands down to her breasts, taking her dark pink nipples between her fingers as he pushes himself deeper inside of her. He releases one of her thighs, wanting nothing more than to make her feel as good as he does.

As his thumb moves over her clit her head falls back, a dark moan filling the room. Her body arches, one arm braced behind her back the other holding onto his forearm, silently begging him not to stop.

“Bucky,” she whispers, tongue thick. Her hips move into a faster pace.

When her orgasm crashes into her he sits up, twining his arms around her back to bring her shaking body closer to his. Toni lifts herself just enough to wrap her legs around him, allowing him to push deeper within her.

As he moves slowly, his fingertips trace goosebumps on her spine, the feeling that they’re one being is otherworldly.

This is what it should feel like, he thinks, what it should always feel like, like magic.

“What are you?” He whispers, feeling her walls tighten around him.

“Yours,” she responds.

That’s all it takes to tip him over the edge.

His fingers grip her ass, pushing their pace a bit faster. She braces herself against his shoulders.

“Antoinette,” he breathes, unable to make another word rise to his lips, unable to ask.  

“Yes,” she answers his unspoken question.

His whole body tenses, brows knit, a low groan rumbles from deep within him as his muscles release. With a need he can’t quite name his mouth seeks hers again before they fall—panting, sweat sparkling on their skin—back into the embrace of the bed.

“You don’t have to go, not yet,” she says as her fingers absently run through the hair on his chest. Rising on an elbow she turns those bewitching eyes on him, “Just stay until tomorrow at least.”

He tries not to dwell on how she knew where his thoughts were without him saying a damn thing. The truth was he didn’t want to go.

“Ok, tomorrow,” he agrees before catching her lips with his.

Tomorrow turned into another tomorrow and before he knew it he’d been falling asleep in Antoinette’s bed for four nights.

In truth, it was all a sweet blur. Languid days spent exploring New Orleans by her side. She’d tell animated stories of the city as they walked—painting such a vivid portrait of events and people from decades prior that if he didn’t know better he’d think she lived it.

Bucky couldn’t help but smile as folks from all walks would stop them to thank her for some cure she’d provided, some guidance she’d offered. Without hesitation she’d stop anything she was doing if someone made a request of her. More than once someone had whispered how lucky he was to be in her company as if he could somehow be unaware.

He’d seen people in his life who wore their goodness like a badge of honor, something they hoped people would laud them for. Not her. It was just who she was. Each time he was reminded of this it also served to remind him that she’d never be his, not really. He wasn’t destined for such goodness.

When the sun lowered beneath the river they danced in clubs he’d never have found otherwise. Drank in music, and liquor, and each other like they’d have all the time in the world to do so.

Now, he lays in her bed, studying the curves of her body through the open French doors, unable to fathom how he’d just had her and yet his body is already begging for more.

The new moon kept the sky dark and little light from the city touched the back balcony—even so, her caramel skin seemed creamy, almost luminescent.

He rolls from the comfortable confines of her bed, padding out to join her. Without hesitation, she leans her body into his as he comes up behind her. Plucking the cigarette from her fingers, he takes a deep drag, his free hand caressing the soft skin of her abdomen.

“Tomorrow,” she sighs, her head falling back onto his shoulder to be able to see his face. “You’ll leave tomorrow.”

He had decided to do so earlier that day, he just hadn’t known how to tell her. “Yeah.” She nods in acknowledgment, turning her gaze back to the summer night, twining her fingers tightly around his.

They make love slowly almost reverently the next morning. He doesn’t want to forget a single thing about her.

As he sits on the edge of the bed his stomach flops over at the thought of getting on the train that evening. He rests an elbow on his thigh, leaning over to cradle his head in his hands.

“Don’t go.” Her tone is suddenly frantic as she turns him back to face her, sitting on her knees in the middle of the mattress.

“I have to Toni,” he shifts his body to be more squarely on the bed. “I gotta see my family before…” He can’t manage to finish the statement.

“But you don’t have to go. Not to Europe.” She grabs his hands, gripping them with all her might. “We could run. I have enough money tp go-”

“Where would we run, Toni. The whole damn world is-”

“Not the whole world! We could go to Mexico City. Or maybe Saint Domingue, live on the beach, spend every day in the water…” Her fingers trace the outlines of his face, “Please. Don’t go. Don’t… you don’t have to…” He knows what she can’t bring herself to say.

“I’d be yours you know. I’d say yes.” The twin moons of her eyes are huge, imploring, tempting. Tenderly he takes her hand, placing a kiss on her knuckles, shaking his head.

“You deserve someone much better than me, Toni.” Someone better than what I’ll become…

“Don’t assume you know what I deserve,” shadows darken her expression. “You’re a good man, Bucky, you deserve better than what you believe, better than what fate has given you.” Her hand covers his heart before her eyes squeeze closed as if in pain. He feels that same tingling as he had when she’d told his fortune.

“Toni?” His tone drips with concern.

When she looks back to him her eyes brim with tears. “Please,” she says once more.

“I can’t darlin’. I’d never be able to forgive myself if I went AWOL. I got a duty and I’m gonna do it.”

“Then promise me something,” she takes his hands in hers.

“Anything, Antoinette, anything.” He means it.

“Remember, they can’t take this from you,” her fingers poke above his heart. “Nothing they do, nothing, will stop you from being James Barnes in here.”

“I’ll remember…” He kisses her softly. “I promise.” Even if he doesn’t believe her.

Even though he has to leave soon he can’t resist pulling her to the bed again.

Just one more time, one more and leaving will be easier, he tells himself.

He’s wrong.

Just before evening they stand outside the train station, holding on to one another so tight it almost hurts.

“It’s not too late,” she says against his lips after another hard kiss, “you can change your mind.”

He just shakes his head, smiling sadly.

Under the light of sunset, she’s radiant. The orange’s picking up the red in her hair and the warmth of her skin. He’d never meet someone like her again.

There’s something he needs to know, even if it’s not an answer he wants.

“Will I ever see you again?” Speaking the question aloud makes his heart constrict. Her gaze is distant, as she seems to look through him, the tingle beneath his skin there again.

Toni looks up and the sky, voice far away, “Under another violet sky, in another lifetime, our paths will cross again.”

“I’ll look forward to that lifetime then,” because clearly it would be better than this one. Her smile doesn’t reach her eyes.

An announcement cuts him to the bone. Final boarding.

She grabs his face in her strong but delicate hands, the metal from her rings pressing to his skin. “I will never forget you, Bucky Barnes.”

“I won’t forget you either.” She looks away as if in doubt. He decides one final kiss will convince her. “I won’t.” He stares into her eyes, willing her to believe him.

“Until the next time.” He’s relieved she didn’t say goodbye, there were too many goodbyes coming for him. She kisses him once more releasing him.

“Next time,” he nods and runs to catch the train.

Once in his seat he looks out the window seeing her. He slides the window open.

“Don’t forget your promise!” She yells up.

“I won’t, Antoinette. I swear!”

He watches the tears slide down her face until she’s out of sight… forever.

-

A tear slides out of the corner of his eye before he can catch it.

He’d broken every promise he made to her. They took his heart, they took her. When he’d come down here, she wasn’t even on his mind. Hell, had he even remembered those extraordinary five days with Antoinette until now?

He doubles over on the bench, arms wrapped around him.

Memories were a double-edged sword. They connected him to who he was, who he’d been before, but fuck they tore at his soul in a way that made him long for nothingness again.

Here was someone else to mourn, someone else to ache for. She was probably resting in one of New Orleans’ elaborate cemeteries now, next to whatever man got lucky enough to hear her say yes.

Maybe he’d find her. Bring flowers, say he was sorry…

Her home had been in the Quarter, he could find that easier, faster, than a grave. It was as good a place to start as any.

Hands shoved in his jacket pockets he begins to walk in a direction that feels right, eyes glued to the sidewalk. Looking at the sky just made the ache worse, made her sweet voice ring in his ears again.

Turning a corner, not paying attention to anything but putting one foot in front of the other, he careens into someone.

“Shit! I’m so sorry!” He hustles to grab a can of coffee rolling toward the street.

“It’s ok,” a soft voice says. “My mind was a world away.”

The coffee can’s metal body creaks a bit as his left hand closes a little too tightly around it. Slowly he turns to see a mass of mahogany curls and ring covered fingers gathering the other fallen groceries into a reusable bag.

Every bit of breath is sucked from his lungs when twin moons look up at him. He staggers back like he’s been struck.

“An - Antoinette,” he stammers.

A massive smile lights her face, “I told you our paths would cross under a violet sky, didn’t I?” His jaw hangs open, eyes blinking rapidly trying to clear her from his vision, as she steps toward him. She grabs the coffee can from his grip before he breaks it.

“Trying to catch flies, Bucky?” One bejeweled finger lifts his chin.

There are a million things running through his mind as he tries to make sense of this—but nothing will come out.

She turns, “Come on, my place isn’t far.” Before she walks forward she throws a smile his way and gives him a wink.

Of their own volition his feet trudge after her.

It’s the same building he remembers but the sign advertising fortunes is gone. Instead it seems the bottom shop is a specialty bookseller. Patronage by Appointment Only read the letters on the still unlocked door.

His head spins as he follows her through the strangely familiar yet different space and up the back stairs.

Her living space was still open and airy though it now sported a proper small kitchen close to the front. And when he looked toward the back he saw the light glint on a familiar brass bed frame.

“Coffee?” Toni asks, as though this is just a normal thing.

He stares at her for a minute, stuck at the top of the stairs, as she moves about the kitchen. She sets a brass kettle on the island burner and pulls a French press from the open shelves. After scooping coffee into the container she finally looks at him.

“Did you like chicory? I don’t remember.”

“I,” his voice cracks. He clears his throat, “I don’t remember either, honestly.” Trance like he makes his way to the small round table close to the front balcony, collapsing into the wooden chair.

“It’s good. I promise.” The kettle screeches. She pours water into the press.

When she sets it on the table she doesn’t look at him. She turns back to the kitchen. He can’t stand it. His left-hand shoots out, grabbing her wrist with cool metal fingers. Languidly she looks back at him, meeting his eyes full on.

“Is this real?” Bucky knew that dreams could feel as real as anything. The terror that this is a hallucination grips him. Toni’s expression is soft as silk as she gently touches the side of his face, he fights to keep his eyes from closing at how good it feels to be touched like this.

“I am very real, Bucky.”

Despite how insane this is he believes her—knows she’s telling the truth, that he’s here, she’s here, this is real. He releases her wrist and she unflinchingly takes his left hand for just a moment before heading into the kitchen for mugs and cream.

She sits across from him, sliding a mug over, “That needs a few more minutes. Worth the wait though.”

Coffee is the furthest thing from his mind.

“How… how are you still alive?”

A smirk makes her eyes sparkle a bit. “Well, technically the Antoinette Desmarais you knew is dead.”

“Oh?” He laughs a little at the ridiculousness of this whole thing, “So… How long have you been dead?”

Her smirk turns to a smile, “Roughly 70 years.”

“Damn,” he forks his fingers through his hair. “Guess I missed the funeral then. Wouldda sent flowers but, pretty sure I was technically dead then too.”

She shrugs, “It was a small private affair. Most of my funerals are.”

“Had more than one?”

“A few,” she presses down the plunger on the French press before pouring the coffee. “That was my second. Had my third in ’96.” He watches her put a splash of cream in her coffee, normally he took it black but he follows her lead.

“The government gets a little suspicious if you just keep goin'. But if you die and leave your estate to your namesake, well, that’s fine.” She sips her coffee, “Guess you don’t have to worry about that though.”

“Nah,” he tastes his own cup, remembering that he did like this unique flavor back then. “For better or worse they’re pretty damn aware of me.”

Silence hangs for a few moments before he can’t bear it any more. “You didn’t answer my question, Toni… How?”

“Would, ‘I’m a witch,’ be sufficient enough?” She looks up at him through her thick dark lashes. He narrows his eyes, she sighs, “Didn’t think so.”

“Long story short… I was young, stupid, had power, thought I could do anything I wanted…” Her shoulders hunch forward, eyes on the coffee in her cup. “I… I went too far. Crossed a line. Someone came to stop me and I… I killed him.”

Bucky studies her, unable to imagine her doing harm to anyone.

“Just so happened he had a lover, someone far more powerful than me.” She shields her eyes a bit, cradling her forehead, “Bit of life advice, don’t piss off an ancient powerful sorceress, never ends well.” Leaning back, she tries to force something like a smile.

When he doesn’t speak she continues, “She punished me. In a way that, at the time seemed like a gift-”

“Immortality,” Bucky says in barely a whisper. He remembers the fortune she told, that there were worse fates than death. She would have known.

“No,” she shakes her head, “immortality is—well that costs far more than I was worth to her, no she cursed me with life. A long, long life. I called her a fool, a bald hag--childish nonsense. But… well, I guess you’ve discovered for yourself.”

Tears sparkle in her eyes when she looks back to him, “There are few things more painful than to watch everything and everyone you’ve known and loved die.”

“I didn’t watch,” he slides his right hand over hers, “but I do understand.” That’s why he’d ran down here, the weight of loss was too much.

Her fingers slide through his and for a time they stay like that, linked across the table, across decades, sharing an experience few would understand. It would have been enough to sustain him through another lifetime he thought.

“You’re taking this all rather well,” she lifts a perfectly shaped brow at him.

“A few months ago I woke up face down in the dirt to a wizard telling me that somehow five years had passed and that I needed to go through a glowing portal to help save the world again…” He chugs the remains of his coffee. “I also met a talking raccoon and tree. So… yeah… I’ll roll with just about anything after that.”

She laughs, “Well, I’m glad you had a primer on weird before we met again.”

He lets out a small laugh too, he left out meeting a god and the million other small things that still felt unreal to him in daily life.

“How long?” He asks sliding his thumb over the rough surface of her rings.

“Lose your manners again? It’s rude to ask a lady her age.” She smiles at him before finishing her coffee. “I was born here in 1821, one month to the day after Napoleon died.”

“So when we met you were…”

“‘Bout 120? Yeah.” She pours more coffee into her cup, releasing his hand, “Close enough to your age now I bet.” He nods.

“And you’re still here…” He motions around the space.

“Well, I wasn’t born here-here. I was born in New Orleans though. And I didn’t stay here the whole time, I just come back home when I need something-”

“Familiar,” he finishes the thought, knowing the feeling far too well.

“Yeah. The city changes but the Quarter, she’s kinda like me—we get older, get get a little rough around the edges, a little worn down, but we’re still standin’.” Toni’s expression is almost wistful.

As her expression is focused out the French doors, Bucky argues with himself. He’d gotten off that bench earlier with the intention to apologize to dust and bones because he thought he owed her that. Now here she was, as beautiful and alive as the day he met her, and the thought of admitting his failure seemed impossible.

“Don’t,” she says in a voice like velvet. He stares into her knowing eyes. “You don’t owe me a goddamn thing Bucky Barnes.”

He shakes his head, “I do though. I broke my promise.”

“No,” she sets her cup down, grabbing both his hands fiercely, “you didn’t.”

Weakly he tries to pull back but she won’t let him. “Antoinette… I… If you only knew what I’ve—I forgot you, forgot…” he pulls one hand free to point at his heart, “Forgot this.”

“No,” she says again, “you didn’t. If you did you wouldn’t be here.” He looks away, unable to find the words to tell her just how wrong she is.

She sighs, “You do know I have the internet, right? I may be over 200 but I’m not dead.” He looks back, confused.

“James Buchanan Barnes fell from a train in 1945, was presumed dead. After the events at the Triskellion, he’s now known as the longest-serving POW in history, forced to take the mantle of the Winter Soldier and commit heinous crimes in the name of his captors.”

His stomach drops. Faster than any normal man could manage he shoots from the chair, sending it screeching back. Unable to leave her yet though, he leans his head against the frame of the French door, attempting to breathe.

Almost soundlessly she comes up behind him, placing a soothing hand on his lower back. He flinches at the gesture.

“But you fought back,” she takes a shaky breath. “If they had taken your heart you’d still be The Winter Soldier, but no, Bucky Barnes is standing right here in my kitchen. Because you kept a promise you made all those years ago, to a woman you hardly knew.”

“You don’t know,” is all he can manage without breaking.

“I do.” She lifts a hand to cup his cheek, turning him to face her. “I didn’t see exactly what would happen to you, prophecy is never that simple nor clear, but I felt the void, the despair, the cold. I felt it then and I can see the scars in your heart now.”

He covers her hand with his, eyes closing. “I shouldda gone with you. Should of listened.”

“Yeah,” she huffs out a dry laugh, their clasped hands lowering, “lived out your days on a beach, peacefully. But fate will have what she wants, I knew it couldn’t be.”

Something occurs to him, “You said you’d say yes then. But…” She looks like she’s hardly aged, “You would have stayed the same and I’d be…”

“Dead? Likely so.” Her smile is tender, “But living one lifetime with you would have been worth the pain of lettin’ go I think.” He shakes his head, eyes sliding shut, unable to fully comprehend why he’d be worth that.

“And for what it’s worth. No one said that offer had an expiration date.”

“What?!” His eyes shoot open in disbelief.

Toni’s rich laugh fills the room, “Mexico City is still there, there’s plenty of beautiful beaches around the world to see too.” She presses close to him, “And, it’s a little old fashioned but… I believe I would still say yes to this,” she points at his heart just as she’d done before.

Bucky’s chest constricts. Without thinking he cradles her face in his hands and kisses her. She tastes like coffee and memories, her scent of roses and wood smoke and spice filling his nostrils. Her body melts into his, wrapping her arms around his neck, kissing him back with just as much intensity.

He breaks the connection, pushing her back just enough to look into her face.

“Antoinette, there are things…” how can he tell her all the reasons she should run, all the reasons she should take it all back.

“You can tell me everything or nothing in time, Bucky,” she traces his lips with her fingers. “It seems that, for once, time is on our side.”

As the violet sky above them faded to navy and a fall breeze filtered through open doors—the two of them relived the feeling of hot summer nights from years past and dreamed of a future together that, though far from perfect, would maybe be a little less lonely.

[winchester90210]

The BH 90210 Rewrite. Bonus #2: The E! True HollyWood Story

Rewrite Masterlist

My work is not to be reposted and/or edited without my expressed written consent. (Reblogging is fine and encouraged!!)

Chapter Summary: E! News has made a documentary on you, following Shannen's. Although it may seem like the full story, remember-- media is still media and there's still things that need to be uncovered. Italics are the narration.

Warnings: mentions of drugs, addiction, sex, adultery, divorce, rumors, tabloids.

Word count: 2,500

A/N: Like the other bonus chapter, this isn't necessary for the rewrite itself, but will supply background knowledge for the reboot! Hope you guys enjoy :)

-

July 19th, 2008. E! True Hollywood Stories.

America's sweetheart. The girl who played with fire. An old interview of yours pops up on screen, from when you were promoting season 4 on 90210.

"Shannen's a lot more... headstrong than I am, for sure. She gets me in trouble from time to time," you laugh. Y/N Perry. She blew audiences away with her portrayal of Y/N Y/L/N on Beverly Hills, 90210. But she wasn't always the wholesome 90's starlet.

Jason Priestley, "Y/N was one of my best friends. I've never met anyone with a bigger heart." Her romantic and musical exploits made her a tabloid heavyweight. But her friendship with notorious bad girl Shannen Doherty was what made her a target. This is the story of Y/N Perry. The E! True Hollywood Story.

-

Y/N wasn't always the romantic we knew her to be, but that charming sparkle in her eye quickly became a trademark for her.

June 20th, 1972, Y/N was welcomed to James and Carol Clark's upper-class home.

A man, Kevin McLaren comes on screen with the title "Entertainment Journalist." He speaks, "Y/N was born into a catholic family in Columbus, Ohio, and they had her working in commercials by the time she was eight." Her family then located to Encino, California. From there she joined a Children's drama group where a talent agent immediately took notice. Not long after, she was introduced to TV star, Tom Selleck.

Mary Murphy, senior editor of TV guide, "Selleck sort of... discovered her. Her teacher at the theater group introduced them and he seemed to see something in her. He was her mentor, she really looked up to him. He even got her her first major acting job." She had a 3 year stint on Magnum P.I. as Carol Baldwin's spunky and outspoken niece. She later won the role of Diane Court in the 1989 classic Say Anything, opposite John Cusack which was what began her lift to stardom. The buzz from the romantic comedy hit veteran TV producer Aaron Spelling, who was currently auditioning actors for a new series.

Aaron Spelling, 1993, "We went through hell with casting. It took weeks to pick everyone out. Then, Tori came to me one night talking to me about the lead girl in Say Anything, Y/N Clark. She was telling me "She's perfect, you have to hire her." and I told her uh, we'll see." That show was Beverly Hills, 90210. And in February of 1990, Y/N landed the part of Y/N Y/L/N. But she had originally gone for a different part.

You, an Arsenio interview in 1995, "I was called in to read for Brenda at the beginning, Y/N Y/L/N didn't exist. I didn't get the part obviously, and I was totally crushed. But then a few weeka later my agent called me to let me know that they had written a new character, and they wanted me to play the part. This was after they had filmed the two part pilot, which was why I'm in the second episode." The cast included several unknown actors, including Spelling's daughter Tori, Jennie Garth, Ian Ziering, Luke Perry, Jason Priestley, and established actress and Y/N's soon-to-be best friend, Shannen Doherty. The cast bonded immediately. And while Y/N would continue to become closer with the entire cast, she was instant best friends with Doherty, both of them bonding over their similar family lives and careers.

On October 4th, 1990, Beverly Hills 90210 premiered on the fledgling Fox network. The series clicked immediately with teen audiences, and so did the hot young cast. 17 year old Y/N Clark was center stage. She was a magnet for paparazzi, but she didn't understand how wanted she truly was until leaving a night club with Tori Spelling and Shannen Doherty one night, when they were immediately surrounded. The night was heavily publicized-- magazine covers and gossip columns.

You, 1992 at the red carpet with Tori and Shannen for the MTV Video Music Awards, "Just don't believe everything you read, tabloids are nasty and they only want to twist the truth and bring out the worst in people. They'll dig anywhere they can to get something that shows in the worst light possible." 90210 was becoming the most famous zip code in the country. You, 1992, sitting down for a casual interview on Howard Stern, "I don't think anyone expected the show to take off like it did. No one is quite used to it yet, at least I'm definitely not. On one hand, the attention is flattering and I'm grateful for all the love, but on the other... it's definitely a little scary." 90210 originally centered around the Walsh Family as they tackled their new surroundings. But as the show carried on, it turned into an ensemble show.

Mary Murphy, "They all had different opinions about the switch. Shannen was definitely happier when every episode was going to be about Brandon, Brenda, and Y/N. She didn't like the shift in attention at all, and she wasn't afraid to speak her mind. Y/N, though, wanted to keep to herself and was willing to go where the show took her, wherever that was." During the very beginning of the first season, Clark would become infatuated with castmate Luke Perry, but he immediately rejected her, due to her being barely 18 at the time. Things heated up later for her though, when she and Jason Priestley began dating near the end of filming the first season.

-

Tori Spelling, for the documentary, "Y/N and Jason were so crazy about each other. It was so sweet. If you ever look at behind the scenes stuff from the show, they're all over each other. I think their chemistry really translates on screen, and that's what made Y/N and Brandon so great."

You, the Today Show, "Our relationship was so wholesome. I was so in love with him. I had been eighteen for a while and he'd just turned 20 or 21, we were total babies back then!"

Jason, "I remember the night we got together. She'd been flirting with uh, Brian-- Brian Austin Green the entire night, it was a cast Christmas party and I was grumpy, unbelievably grumpy. And I couldn't figure out why. Ian Ziering had to pretty much spell it out for me because everyone else knew why and they were pretty fed up. I was head over heels for her from the start."

They would continue to date for almost five years. But romancing Priestley and befriending Doherty would prove to be an unlucky combination for her.

Joe E. Tata, 2001, "When the tabloids got ahold of her and Jason, they had a field day. They followed them on dates, to clubs. Everywhere." Shannen and Y/N continued to fuel the fire with non-stop partying and clubbing.

Kevin McLaren, entertainment journalist, "After working non-stop since she was a child and being 21 and newly exposed to things like drugs, alcohol, sexual freedom, she certainly fell prey to it all." 1993 was just on the horizon. But little did she know it would become her most dramatic year yet.

Charles Rosin, producer of 90210, "We do know, during 90210, when there was a lot of coverage on the tabloids that we had people in our own crew spreading stories and feeding them information."

Jason Priestley, 2001, "It was horrible. We felt so violated. I remember Y/N/N being absolutely destroyed. And that made me feel awful, because there was nothing I could do, nothing she could do. We had to sit there and take it all."

Clark would continue to be slammed with press, her partying habits only elevating as the tabloids became more and more vicious. Rumors of her being pregnant with other castmates babies, cheating on Jason Priestley, sex tapes, and an oxycodone addiction.

You, filming an MTV interview, 1998, "Media loves to make you and break you. They build you up, and they tear you down twice as hard. It's... ridiculous. But it comes with the job description, I guess. For a while I just felt like I couldn't do anything right." Her frequent club nights came to a crashing halt, as Jason Priestley became fed up with it, and managers and agents became worried of her further tarnishing of her good girl image.

Jennie Garth, "Her and Jason were a real fireball together. Jason adored her, so when he saw her start to spin out of control he gave her an ultimatum. Either she settles down and stays away from the party scene, or he leaves. She was crazy in love with him, so she had no other choice." But her image and her drama didn't stop her from bonding closely with yet another co-worker. Luke Perry. Despite being rejected early on, Y/N maintained a friendly close relationship with Luke and as those two became closer, so did their characters.

Heidi Parker, Playboy, "Y/N, Jason, and Luke were very close. Although Y/N got along with everyone, those boys loved her, and she loved them. It was a really strong, intimate friendship. Despite Jason and Y/N being in love, that didn't stop people from insisting Luke and Y/N were seeing each other. I mean, when you saw them on screen, it was completely electric and everyone caught wind of that. It spawned some awful rumors. This girl hadn't done a thing to anyone, but her mere association with Doherty was what dragged her in to begin with. Y/N was known for being a total sweetheart on set, yet she was still getting pummeled. It got out of control. Everyone who knew her loved her and everyone who read about her hated her."

-

At the end of 1996, Jason and Y/N parted ways. After almost 5 years of dating, Y/N moved out of their shared condo and into a Beverly Hills apartment with Tori Spelling.

Jill Ishkanian, US Weekly, "Everyone was surprised when they split. They had talked marriage, they had talked kids. But she left him after they had gotten in a fight about Shannen. Jason did not want Shannen around as often as she was and Y/N wasn't willing to let Shannen go that easily. She was Shannen's main support system, especially with all of her relationship struggles. Two failed marriages, a handful of abusive relationships. Y/N was the only stable thing she had. So, she dumped him, packed her things and left." Y/N went on a few dates with Ian Ziering a few months after, but they quickly decided they were better as friends and they kept it professional from there on out.

You, late night with David Letterman, 2000, "Oh, everyone hooked up with everyone. I definitely wasn't one to stray from that. We were so young, everyone was so attractive on that show, I mean it was kind of inevitable."

Clark and Spelling would live together for two years, with Spelling being a shoulder to lean on during the fallout.

You, 1996, "Look, it's not a pretty scene for anyone and I really just need... privacy right now. It would be great if people could stop asking me about it." As the couple fought in real life, so did their characters.

Jennie Garth, "When Jason and Y/N broke up it was chaos. There was a good period where they didn't even want to be near each other, let alone make out all day at work, y'know? They weren't exactly fighting, but they wanted nothing to do with the other, they were miserable. Luke had been gone at that point and the producers were freaking out because they had planned out this whole thing with Brandon and Y/N and they had to scrap it, because with them butting heads it just wouldn't work. So they switched gears and had their characters fight too. I think it was just cathartic enough to get them close again." They repaired their damaged relationship slowly but surely, just in time for things to heat up with Clark and ANOTHER 90210 alumni.

-

In the winter of 1997, Y/N and Luke Perry embarked down a romantic path, sharing their first kiss at Tori Spelling's casual New Years Eve party with their friends and families.

Tori Spelling, "When they started dating it was like everything fell into place. It dawned on everyone how perfect they were for each other, I know Jason wasn't thrilled about it, but we were all genuinely happy for them."

Jennie Garth comes onto the screen. "Luke and Y/N/N have always made sense to me. They're both very humble, well rounded people. And they always had this really flirty element to them from the start, I'm surprised it took that long," she laughs. A year and a half later, they tied the knot with a small private ceremony at their shared home in Beverly Hills, California. Costing only $20,000, it was the cheapest wedding of all of the 90210 clan's. And in June of 1999 they welcomed their first child, a baby girl, Sophie. Selling their 3 million dollar home, they moved into a 6 million dollar house outside of Hollywood, accidentally moving in next to none other than Jason Priestley.

Thankfully that caused no serious drama between the two families. But the finale of Beverly Hills, 90210 caused a stir that no one could have expected. Priestley made a surprise guest appearance that reportedly caused more drama off screen than on.

Jennie Garth, MTV, 2000, "It's so ridiculous. Everything was just weirdly timed. Jason being on the show had nothing to do with his divorce and it has nothing to do with Y/N's pregnancy, either. People love to make stuff up and cause drama that wasn't there to begin with and it's probably so exhausting for her."

Shortly after appearing on 90210, Priestley filed for divorce, ending his 8 month long marriage. Around the same time, the Perrys announced their second pregnancy. Tabloids began to say that Y/N had caused the divorce and that she was secretly pregnant with Priestley's baby.

Tori Spelling, "Those were so awful and so fake. Her son is a carbon copy of Luke, I'd be floored if Jason was the father..." "I think that part of Jason will always be in love with her... and that shined through in the finale a little bit and that's what people are picking up on. But her and Luke are soulmates. She has a good head on her shoulders, a lot of integrity."

Shannen Doherty, the Rosie O'Donnel Show, 1997, "Y/N's my best friend in the entire world, we went to Ireland together last summer and everything. Yeah, her and I have always been close."

Jennie Garth, "She's incredibly intelligent, super funny. Easily one of the strongest women I know."

Join us tomorrow when we air Tori Spelling: The E! True Hollywood Story. Only on E!

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Taglist: @be-patient-be-good @mpmarypoppins @bevelyhills90210 @blueoz @harleylilo88 @princess-ghost-alien @hueycat2004 @l4life

[tangodancerxxxmumu]

meet... adira selwyn 

age: 25

pronouns: she / her

birthplace: somerset, england, united kingdom

species: vampire ( former “hunter” )

sexuality: bisexual

occupation: museum curator & pianist

faceclaim: skyler samuels

&. “she holds herself like someone braced for tragedy.” --carol goodman, “the lake of dead languages”

under the cut contains multiple triggers, including ( tw infertility, tw emotional neglect, tw parental abuse, tw body horror, tw anxiety, tw panic attack, tw death, tw alcohol, tw alcoholism, tw self harm, tw depression, tw murder ). if i seem to have missed anything, please let me know.

adira iris selwyn was born at the end of summer, the first child and daughter to odessa and augustus, famed hunters. augustus himself came from a long line of hunters--it was the family business. they were old money, politically savvy, deeply influential. while the thought of a daughter had initially not been too upsetting, within the first few months, as they tried to conceive again, it became apparent that their luck had run dry with one. secondary infertility.

augustus selwyn had been fine with having a daughter, but once he learned she was all he would get, he began to despise the girl. the selwyn name was a proud one, one that had been passed down through generations of men, only to die with this brat in his house. he told his wife that the girl would be her responsibility and her’s alone. odessa, being a busy politician, was hardly at home.

adira had a rather lonely childhood. her father refused to even look at her, dine with her, take her out in public. her mother was hardly around, and when she was, it was to prime adira to be the “perfect child” for magazines and papers. and she was... on paper. in photos. at home, she was more a ghost than a child, flitting from room to room and keeping to herself.

her mother set her up to be an impressive child--home tutors from a young age, language specialists to help teach her multiple languages, a top-notch piano instructor. adira’s favorite, though, was the extensive selwyn library, carrying rare copies of classics and books on almost every moment of history within the past two hundred years. Journals, too, from past Selwyn hunters, which she devoured easily.

the only time she saw her father was when he decided that it was time for adira to learn how to hunt. it was the family business, and while he’d rather a son, he’d settle for a daughter with a good eye who could shoot. while adira had decent aim, good posture, and a steely expression when she wanted to, she knew she wasn’t a killer. she could shoot a target with ease, but the idea of shooting a living creature made her skin crawl. despite how the supernatural were described in the selwyn family journals, she couldn’t just eliminate them. over time, and with each new weapon she learned, the feeling only grew--this wasn’t her.

the selwyns were good friends with the rosenfelds. both were good hunter families, and, as such, they allowed their children to see each other. evan rosenfeld was perhaps the one person adira was able to see alone, and he became someone she trusted deeply. their contact with each other would ebb and flow over the years, but he was perhaps the only person adira considered truly family.

at the age of sixteen, adira learned of a selwyn tradition all of the selwyn hunter had refused to write about--the branding. on her sixteenth birthday, she was dragged from her bed at two in the morning by two trusted housekeepers, crying and screaming. she was terrified, shaking, and by the time she saw her father with the poker in his hand... she screamed when it hit her skin. the smell of burning flesh became too all familiar to her. as she was finally let go, she backed up, looking down at the red flesh on her left forearm. it was her family crest, and with it, her father gave her a ring, but not without telling her he’d always wished he’d been gifting it to a son instead of a daughter. he left her alone, crying from the pain and the shock.

in the years that followed, adira did her best to get out of every hunting trip she could. she’d fall suddenly ill, have a broken leg, anything to get out of it. for the most part, it worked, and the hunting trips she had to go on weren’t successful. luck, for the first time in a long time, seemed to be on her side. 

until she was eighteen. on her birthday, her father managed to drag her on a hunting trip. they were searching for a werewolf pack in eastern germany. just as things were looking unsuccessful, they stumbled upon a smaller wolf. adira fumbled, but her father took the shot, and she watched as the wolf shifted back into a girl as she fell. she couldn’t have been more than fifteen. while her father went to finish the job, adira threw up in a bush. she didn’t quite recover, and while her father went to bed that night, she locked herself in the bathroom. looking down at the branded mark on her arm, she felt her blood boil, and, not knowing whether she wanted to die or whether she just wanted out of the family business, she began to claw at the mark with her own nails. she only stopped when she was too weak to, and, realizing what she’d done, she began to have a panic attack. she felt as if she was dying... but she didn’t. as soon as she calmed herself, she quickly bandaged it up and went to bed. her father didn’t notice.

she managed to hide her deformed branding for another three years, always wearing long sleeves, always being careful. when she was twenty-one, she went on another fated hunting trip. her father brought her and some family friends, and they were tracking down a group of elves. it was a fucking massacre when they found them, and adira stayed behind, unable and unwilling to shoot. her father noticed and grabbed one of the elves, holding it out for her. he commanded her to do it, and, instead, she shot her father in the leg. the elf got away, and adira ran.

her mother found her in a villa in porto a week later, leaving with her a bag of clothes, some books, and a rare edition of satie compositions. odessa couldn’t look at her daughter, and told her that she was never allowed back in selwyn manor again. odessa then wrote her a check for five million and told her to stay out of england, or her father would kill her. it was the last kindness she would do.

adira spent the next two years finishing history degree while traveling, not taking a single semester off. she did all of her work online, immersed herself in small cities and towns throughout england. she had a lot to work through, years of guilt for not standing up to her father sooner, but she was free. that freedom brought with her a sort of bliss, and she began planning a life for herself. she felt hopeful for the future.

romania changed everything. adira had been excited to visit a few of the preserved medieval towns there, having just finished her degree. however, while walking back to her hotel one night, she felt the strong arms of a man pull her into an alleyway. she was a strong woman, but as she tried to pull away, she realized just how helpless the situation was--the man had superhuman strength. he was a vampire, an original, she found out. he knew who she was, and he turned her pretty unceremoniously. perhaps he’d wanted to hurt her family, not knowing they cared little for her anymore. cain, his name was. she was left with a ring and not much else.

she ditched her family ring for a daylight one, a vampire now. her first night, she killed three men without much hesitation, her thirst for blood strong. by the time she was sated, she was fully disgusted with herself and fled the city. she’d become the killer her father had always dreamed she’d be. she kept to herself for months in the romanian forests, feeding only from animals and trying to figure herself out. by the time she left romania, her parents had somehow gotten word of her death. she saw a news article about her funeral.

she spent the next two years still traveling, but mostly keeping to herself. she learned that blood was easier downed with wine, and her control could be mastered if she focused hard on it. her newfound vampirism was becoming easier to cope with, and while she didn’t let anyone too close to her, she found herself shying less and less from people. in northern italy, after four years, she was able to rent a piano and play again. she nearly cried. 

but she was tired of traveling. she wanted a place to settle down and make connections. she wanted the community and friends she never had before, and only one place really came to mind--evan’s hometown, bellport. perhaps her old friend would be able to see past her newfound monstrosity and help her feel at home in the world. so she went. she bought a small house outright, furnished it to her liking, and suddenly found herself in a place she’d only been to a few times ( and not allowed outside of evan’s house, either ). 

adira knows six languages: english, italian, french, portuguese, german, and arabic. she’d been attempting russian when she was turned into a vampire, and has been looking for the spare time to get back to it.

while adira is mostly alright, she still struggles with control from time to time. she’s friendly, but quiet. her moral code is... questionable at times, depending on her love.

[hauntedatmidnight]

(my writing for @starksparker challenge, honestly nervous about this)

Alive part I - h.o. x oc

Part II Part III

this love is good this love is bad this love is alive back from the dead

Summary: she had to find her boyfriend. She thought about it everyday since the dead began to walk. They say what’s ours always find its way back to us, even if not in the way we wanted it to.

Harrison Osterfield x OFC

Zombie apocalypse AU

Part I

Looking through the dirty window of the old principal office she now used as her own, Olivia stared down at her people working and the rays of sunshine hitting their skin. She was playing with an old stapler, the clicking noise distracting her from her thoughts. That was the only way to stop the mantra that was pounding inside her head every single day since the dead began to walk.

She needed to find him.

She could only hope he was at least still alive, even if he was different from the Harrison she knew years ago. They were all different people in the end.

“Liv” Henry woke her from her thoughts, approaching her. “We need to find more antibiotics and Lena asked some stuff for the kitchen too”

“We need to hold a meeting, then” she said, grabbing the list he handed her. She gave it a quick glance; it wasn’t a lot, but right now anything could be scarce. “There’s not much left around, we need to explore new places”

“I’ll call the council, then”

They were lucky, she thought. Most of her friends were with her when the world went to shit. It was their last year of high school and everything was supposed to be exciting, but then… It wasn’t anymore. She was the leader of a community they formed in their old school. Things were good, as far as they could be in this situation, anyway.

Waiting for the council by the end of the long table they had at the gym, Liv replayed it through her head: Tom saw him. He thinks. He’s not sure. But he wasn’t sure of anything these days.

She watched as part of her council walked to her, their footsteps echoing through the gym, biting the inside of her cheek, with a restlessness that was usual now. Olivia was able to ignore her heart beating against her chest and her breath catching at her throat, because right now being anxious about every move was her default.

They all sat down on their usual chairs and she looked around all of them, noticing some places were vacant.

“Liv, Bill has been studying our maps for days now. We may need to go farther than we ever had, but it would sure lead us to a huge department store. It’s promising” Carol interrupted her thoughts, sharing the council idea and opening up a huge map on the table.

“Do we have enough food for this? If so, you can choose three more people and leave tomorrow” she assured Carol, looking at the maps she brought with her. They were all part of Bill’s job, her ever so smart friend. They knew everything they had around them, all possibilities and how dangerous it could be thanks to him.

“I’m coming with”

“No, not you, Jake” she grabbed his shoulder when he was about to protest, a toothless smile on her face. “We need you here”

“C’mon, Liv. Tom’s back! You know I don’t like being trapped here…”

“Tom is not himself right now. Believe me, we need you” she held his gaze, brown eyes on green eyes. She understood him very well. Olivia and Jake were neighbors and friends since they were 10. That he needed his freedom was not news for her. But this world wasn’t safe and he was strong and smart and he cared deeply about their people. He cared deeply about her. She – they - needed him more than anything else right now. “Where’s Bill? And Phoebe?”

“Well…” Henry started laughing, unable to explain their friends’ absence.

“Oh for fucks sake” she laughed as well, but feeling a very familiar sting at the same time. It was always the same thing and though she wanted her friends to be happy and she was happy for them… It was impossible not to remember what could have been, what should have been.

“Bill can’t keep it in his pants, man” Jake laughed at the situation. Olivia kept laughing along, but it was not natural. She loved them. But everytime she looked at them she would remember Harrison.

“Anyway… You can leave tomorrow morning. Just get three more people to come with you, Carol. And be careful” she asked, knowing the girl could be a little reckless. The two of them met back in high school, but weren’t friends. This world had his own way to bring people closer, though.

“Sure. You know me” Carol smiled and winked at Olivia, getting her stuff and leaving.

“Henry, please get them everything they may need and get the kitchen to prepare Tom some meal”

“Sure” he nodded and left.

She turned back to Jake, who was still watching her, playing with the hem of his shirt.

“Do you need anything?”

“I’m going insane here! Since Tom left you won’t let me leave the school. I need… At least some fresh air” he asked, messing his sand-like hair.

“Fine. You can do road patrol every morning for an hour. And then you head straight back here. Do you hear me, Jake? I can’t deal with another one of my best friends going missing for months! I can barely deal with Harrison…”

“We’re gonna find him. I promise you” Jake covered the distance between them and held her tight in his arms. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, Liv” he whispered, kissing her forehead.

X

Carol left the next morning. And after that, the days dragged along and time seemed to have stopped. Or maybe it was just that Olivia couldn’t stop looking down the road, waiting for them to come back.

“You need to rest” Jake warned her one night, being the only one to put up with her pacing around in the yard, when everyone else was asleep. “You need to trust them, too. Like we trust you”

“I trust all of you” she said, stopping and glancing at him. “Guess I just have a bad feeling”

“You always have a bad feeling” he laughed, rolling his green eyes at her.

“Yeah… I don’t trust this world”

“Loosen up, Liv” he smiled, shaking her by the elbow. “Always said you needed to have some fun. Remember?”

“That was before” she laughed.

“Hey, they’re coming back. And I’m here for you”

They ended up spending the night sitting at the porch, Olivia still looking for any signs her friends would be back soon.

“They have Carol” Travis ran up to Liv the next morning, being followed closely by Rachel and Brad, the people their friend took with her. She knew she had a bad feeling for a reason. Henry stopped them and took them all to Liv’s office, away from everyone’s ears.

“We don’t need panic” he explained, closing the door behind him.

“You’re right” Liv nodded, feeling more terrified than she would ever admit. “What happened?”

“We were at the store when they came in. I guess there were ten of them”

“Who, Travis?” she asked, her heart racing against her chest.

“I don’t know… Some other group. Said it was their territory, that we were invading” he explained. “They wanted all the stuff we took back, Carol wouldn’t let them take it”

“There was a fight, but we were only four people... So they took Carol with them. And sent us with a message” Brad shrugged, avoiding Olivia’s eyes. She stared down at him, looking for any sign of his usual confident self, but he kept his head low and his gaze away from her.

“What do they want?”

“Weapons. Medicine. Some strong people. And… For some reason, they asked us if we had Tom. They want to trade him for Carol” Rachel said, confused.

“What?” Henry intervened, looking between the three and Olivia.

“We’re not giving them any of that” Liv immediately started to pace around the room. “And we need Carol back”

“They said to meet them back at the store in two days, with everything they asked”

“Or?”

“I don’t know” Rachel shrugged.

“They don’t seem the type of people who are willing to talk” Brad said.

“It’s alright” Liv sighed. “They just need to listen”

X

“Hey, Tom. We’re going for a walk” Olivia announced, not giving him time to answer. He had a candle lighting the room a bit and was facing the window to what used to be the janitor’s room. For some reason he decided this was his room, since the beginning of it all. There were much better options and Olivia tried to reason with him, but Tom just wanted a small space he could rest and that their people were well cared for. So he settled there.

For some unknown reason, he would do what she said. So she just closed the door after calling him and waited.

“Where are we going?” he asked, coming out of his room for the first time since he came back.

“Just around”

In silence, they walked around the school.

They kept going, slowly, arm in arm. Through their old class rooms, the lab where they used to hide from everyone else just to talk and, finally, the gym. They had so many memories there, she hoped it would sparkle something in him.

“Do you remember the first time we came here?” she asked, stopping by the long council table. It was actually just one of the tables used at prom they found hidden somewhere. “Before?”

“That’s when we met Harrison” his features went dark again and he let go of her arm.

“I don’t want you to feel sad about it. They’re great memories. And I’ll never give up on finding him” she reassured him, squeezing his hand. “Just like I’ll never give up on you”

“I know” he squeezed her hand back, still avoiding her eyes.

“Some other group has Carol” she told him, sighing, after a moment of comfortable silence between them. “They want you in exchange for her”

“Me?”

“You” she sat down on her chair by the head of the table and nodded to his old council seat. “What are we gonna do about this?”

“I don’t know”

“But you do. Look, I’m here for you. It doesn’t matter what happened the last few months. It doesn’t matter if you lived with another group, if you thought on leaving us forever. What matters is you’re here” they held each other’s gaze for a while. “I love you. You’re my best friend, Tom. You need to trust me, like before”

“Things are not like before”

“No, they’re not. And that’s why you need to start talking. I’ve been letting you heal for a month now. And I would let you take forever if needed. But lives are on the table here, Tom. So start talking”

“I…” he took a deep breath and broke their eye contact, looking at his hands instead.

“We have a meeting with them in two days, whoever they are. They have Carol, they want our weapons, some of our people, our supplies. And they want you. I can’t have that. Talk”

“I’m the reason Finn is dead” he said, finally.

“Not what Phoebe says”

“She doesn’t know the full story. All she knows is I left and Finn died”

“Yeah”

“I left him behind”

“Ok”

“Ok? Liv… It got him killed”

“You do know you’re not the first person to get caught in a situation where you had to make choices that got people killed, right? Because I’ve been doing it everyday for the past two years. And you’ve been the one helping me keep sane”

“Your choices kept us all alive”

“Your choice kept you and Pheebs alive”

“My choice got Finn killed. And not by the dead”

“What do you mean?” she sat straight, furrowing her brows.

“I thought I saw him. So I left Finn behind”

“You mean Harrison?”

“It wasn’t him, was it? Because… If it was him he wouldn’t have turned around. If it was him… His people wouldn’t have killed Finn over a gun and some pills”

“So why did you never come back? Where were you?” she questioned, studying his features. His chocolate eyes, his curly hair, his freckles. Everything that felt like home to her.

“I couldn’t come back after that. I just… Hid. I ditched Pheebs the moment I could and then I left and hid. I ran away, like a coward”

“We needed you, Tom. I needed you. I still do”

“I know and I’m sorry, but…”

“You’re not a coward, Tom. You didn’t have to leave because of what happened” she affirmed, standing up. “You didn’t kill him. It’s not your fault!”

“But it is! I should never have left him behind”

“I understand why you feel the way you do right now. But we need you. Because as far as I know, that happened around the same area Carol was when they took her. It could be the same group. They want our stuff. They want you”

“But…”

“I know, it wasn’t Harrison. That doesn’t matter right now. We need to focus on getting Carol back first. We know she is there and we don’t know shit about Harrison’s location”

“What do you want me to do, Liv?”

“Come with me to the meeting. Let’s do what we always did best: let’s talk our way out of this”

“Like you talked your way out of being grounded when you got drunk at Travis’ party?” he laughed and she caught a glimpse of his old self, smiling warmly at her best friend.

“Yeah, I did that on my own. You didn’t encourage me to drink like that and you sure never helped me planning my scape from my punishment”

“We’re better together” he shrugged, smiling.

X

“Listen, here’s the plan” Liv was addressing the council and a few other people that would be coming with her to the meeting. “Me, Tom and Travis will be the only ones approaching the group, I don’t want any hostilities if not necessary”

“Do we take guns with us?” Travis asked.

“Both of us, yes. Tom will only have small weapons hidden, since he’s supposed to be part of the trade”

“And the rest of us?” Lyla asked, raising her hand by the end of the table and looking around. There was at least eight people waiting for instructions with her.

“You all will come along. With weapons. But I want you all hidden around the perimeter” she showed them the store plant in the table. “Just in case. We don’t trust these people and for what you guys told us, we have no reason for that to change”

“How are we getting Carol back? We sure aren’t giving them Tom, are we?”

“No, Travis. But we need them to think we are, at least for now”

“And then what, Liv?”

“We’re gonna offer them what we can spare, we can coexist and even collab if it’s needed. But our people are not going anywhere”

“What if they are not willing to listen?” Travis questioned.

“We take what’s ours” Tom said, pointing to the guns.

“Let’s try and make this peacefully” Liv instructed. “This should only be used as a last option. Do you hear me?” she waited for all of them to agree with her, before addressing her council. “Henry, you’re in charge until I get back. Bill, be on guard. If we’re not back in two days, send a group to look for us. If they don’t find us in a week, well… Let go”

Henry nodded to everything Olivia asked. But he was damned if he would ever let his friends go that easily. They were still looking for Harrison after all that time.

“That’s the store” Rachel pointed to the big drawing of a building, surrounded little toy soldiers representing the dead. “There’s two ways in: by the back, where someone set traps for the dead. And by the roof, near the woods”

“Ok” Liv looked around her people, taking a deep breath. “Rach: you and Phoebe hide near the back. Lyla, you go up the roof and let the others know if you see anything suspicious. Do you guys have your walkie talkies with you right?” she nodded at her people when they confirmed.

“Brad and Jake I want you near. There’s still time before they come, so I want you to hide inside the store. Make sure to be silent”

X

They were hiding in the woods near the old parking lot, whispering the last details of the plan. Her people had already left to do their parts and Olivia, Tom and Travis stayed behind, waiting for them to come.

From afar they could see them arriving, twelve people this time, their leader and Carol. They moved together, with their leader in the center. She couldn’t see much of their faces from this far, but they sure sent a chill down her spine. They carried big weapons, used masks to hide their faces and looked way more trained than her people ever were. She could tell that just by the way they moved, how synchronized they walked, as if they were an army marching for something way more important than a meeting by the end of the world.

Once all of them were in and there was no sign of them finding her people hidden inside, Olivia decided it was their cue. She walked by the left, a hand on Tom’s arm, as if she was carrying him. Travis on the right, a gun on his hands with the strap by his shoulders. With her free hand she checked her gun was still on the holster and, taking a deep breath, walked right into the store.

The other group was standing by end of the building, no near exits. They were still with their masks on, guns on the ready, six to the left and six to the right with their leader on the center, his back to Olivia. He was looking at Carol and she was handcuffed. The look on her face… Was not a good sign.

“We brought you Tom” Olivia said, not bothering to greet or make small talk.

“Good” their leader whispered and then turned around, facing them for the first time, his blue eyes hitting Olivia’s like daggers.

“Harrison?”

[avengerscompound]

Home - Chapter 9

Home: A Captain America Fanfic

Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers

Word Count:  1928

Warnings:  Angst, parenthood, sexual manipulation, action, injuries, underage drinking and drug-taking.

Synopsis:  16 Years after the death of Daisy, Steve and Bucky have successfully raised two teenage kids with telepathy. Teens are never easy to live with though. Sarah in particular likes to test boundaries. Now on top of all the usual challenges of parenting, they have to deal with troublemaking demigods, a daughter who just wants to be accepted for who she is and running the Avengers. That’s when the children of other super-powered individuals start going missing.

Chapter 9

The satellite scans had found three potential locations that could be used to hold Sarah and have her mind completely hidden from Jamie. One was in the United States, in the middle of Arizona. One was in a remote part of Nunavut, Canada. The final one was in Siberia not far from where the Winter Soldier program had started.

Hearing that made Bucky’s skin crawl and a pit form in his stomach. Somehow he knew. He knew right away that’s where she was. He tried to convince Steve that’s where she was but Steve was sure it would be one of the closer places given how quickly Hydra had been grabbing the children.

They went to investigate the Arizona location first. The group consisted of Steve, Bucky, Jamie, Carol, and Wanda. It was definitely a Hydra base. Jamie knew right away it wasn’t the Hydra base. It was sparsely defended and none of the agents had even passing thoughts about the kidnapped children.

The base was taken quickly. Jamie didn’t even have to Nock an Arrow. Clint had taught him archery and he liked to be the Hawkeye of the group when he could even though he had the strength of his father and could use his mind to incapacitate everyone anyway.

It wasted two days. Bucky started fraying around the edges. He wasn’t sleeping. When he slept he had nightmares. They’d start with him being tortured. Being strapped into a chair while they electroshocked him and experimented on him. While they broke the man he was down and destroyed him and built up a new man in the shell that he’d left for them.

Then they changed. It was Sarah, not him. She called out for them. Begged to be saved. Bucky would sit helplessly watching them break his daughter apart. Then she’d get out of the chair her hair hanging over her face. Raise a gun and shoot him.

Steve tried to reassure him. Nothing he said seemed to help. Bucky paced the halls and considered just leaving on his own to check Siberia. He didn’t know how to fly the Quinjet but he was sure he could convince Natasha to go with him. He was just about to go and call her when the idea hit him and he cursed himself for not thinking about it sooner.

“Loki!” He yelled. “Loki! Get here now!”

There was a shimmer in the air. “What is it now, Barnes? I swear I haven’t been anywhere near your daughter.”

Bucky’s hands tightened into fists. “Do you know where she is?” He growled.

“Did she run away?” Loki laughed. “Oh, Barnes. Can’t even keep tabs on your own blood. Oh but she isn’t your blood is she? How could I forget.”

Bucky snapped. He grabbed Loki by the throat with his cybernetic hand and slammed him against the wall. “Don’t fuck with me, Loki.” He seethed. “I don’t like bringing out the Soldier. But doesn’t mean I can’t do it. Do you know where she is?”

“Of course I do.” Loki scoffed.

Bucky relaxed letting Loki slip from his grip. Loki rubbed his throat where Bucky’s fingers had been. “She’s alive?”

“Yes, she’s alive.”

Hope and relief flooded through Bucky. He started pacing again. “Can you take me to her?”

“That’s not how it works,” Loki said. “What’s happened, Barnes?”

Bucky told Loki everything that had been happening. He spoke quickly but left out no detail.

Loki ran his thumb over his bottom lip. “You must really be desperate to come to me.”

“I am. Tell me where she is.” Bucky yelled.

Loki chuckled and conjured a globe of the Earth. He pointed to a spot in Siberia and Bucky cursed. “How quickly can you get there?” Loki asked.

“It would take four or five hours if I left right now. But I have to convince someone to fly the jet.”  Bucky said.

“Do that. I’ll go to her.” Loki said. Before Bucky had a chance to thank him, he’d disappeared.

Sarah lay on the bench that acted as her bed, curled into a ball and facing the wall. She hadn’t opened her eyes yet, but she’d been awake for hours. Feigning sleep. Waiting for them to come reeducate her.

She had already been through one round of re-education. They had strapped her into a chair. The same one she saw in her dad’s mind all the time. They had put a mouthguard in her mouth and electroshocked her. They then proceeded to continue shocking her between lengthy lectures of how Hydra was the right path. That freedom was a lie. That individuality was a flaw that needed eradicating.

All the while Viper sat watching. She never spoke, but anytime Sarah was able to she would ask Viper how she wanted to die. She would list the ways she was considering killing her. Viper just smiled and watched.

After about four hours they then returned her to her cell and took Danielle.

She had water but they hadn’t fed her since she’d gotten there. Her stomach hurt and she felt light-headed. It was time to act.

Two guards stepped into her room. She kept her breathing deep and calm. Not reacting to the presence in her room.

“Wake up, girl.” A deep, gravelly voice said. A hand was placed on her shoulder and Sarah reacted. She grabbed the arm and slammed the person into the wall above her. With their now unconscious form acting as a shield from the others, she scrambled to free their taser from their belt.

Another form came upon her. She reacted quickly using the taser. She held it against them, holding down the trigger as the form jerked wildly above her. When she released the trigger. She quickly assessed the room. There were two unconscious guards, one male one female. Another male stood at the door. He had his taser out and he’d just gotten his walkie-talkie off his belt. Sarah charged at him. At the last second, she did a roundhouse kick, knocking the walkie-talkie from his hand.

He lunged at her and she grabbed his arm spinning him and slamming his head into the bars of the cell. Grabbing him by the neck she slammed him into the bars again and again.

“Sarah, you’re gonna kill him.” Danielle screeched.

Sarah let him go and started frisking the guards for their weapons and keys. She found two more tasers and two knives as well as the keycards to open the doors and cells of the building. Sarah first went and opened the cells of the other children. Besides Danielle and May Day there was a boy who looked to be around eight years old and didn’t speak any English and a fourteen-year-old girl named Senka.

“What’s your plan?” Senka asked.

“If you cut the thing out of my neck, my powers should kick in. I heal fast. Hopefully faster than it will kill me. But even if it does kill me I can take out everyone in here and you can all get to safety.” Sarah said.

“No, Sarah.” May Day cried. The little redhead hadn’t let go of her since Sarah had opened her cell.

“Do it to me,” Danielle said. “I heal immediately.”

“You sure?” Sarah asked. Danielle nodded.

Sarah moved behind Danielle and ran her fingers over her neck feeling for the little scar where they’d inserted whatever it was that they’d put in them to negate their powers.

“Well, this looks entertaining.”

Sarah looked up at the sound of the cold, familiar voice. Loki leaned against the bars of the cell watching them.

“Loki.” Sarah yelped and ran to him, wrapping her arms around him. May Day followed, relief of seeing a familiar adult taking hold of her. She hugged his leg. Loki hugged Sarah and patted May Day on the back at the two girls both broke into tears.

“What did they do to you?” Loki asked.

“They put something in our necks. It’s shut our powers off.” Sarah said, trying to get control of herself. “We have to hurry, Loki. They’ll be sending more people.”

“Don’t worry, my love. The idiots who work here all think everything is normal for now.” Loki soothed. “Let’s see if I can’t undo what they’ve done.”

Loki turned Sarah to face away from him. His long fingers caressed the skin of her neck. He pulled his knife from its scabbard. “This will hurt, but just for a moment.” He said, softly.

The knife bit into her skin and he pressed down. Sarah clenched her teeth, unwilling to show any weakness. Loki gently worked a small chip from her neck and when it was clear he froze the wound, using his powers to seal it. Sarah’s abilities kicked in immediately.

“I still can’t feel the people outside of here,” Sarah said, frowning.

“This place was designed to hold your mother, darling. It is meant to keep them safe from your mind.” Loki said. “There are however four more of you with abilities. We can fight our way out of here.”

Sarah surveyed the scared faces of the children whose lives were now in their hands. “Let Loki cut those chips out. It only hurts a little. You don’t have to fight, but with your powers, you can defend yourselves.” She said.

Steve sat in the back of the Quinjet next to Bucky. Their fingers were linked together. “You’re sure about this, Buck?” Steve asked for what felt like the 600th time.

“Loki has some kind of connection to her. Why do you think he’s always showing up when we’re not around?” Bucky said. “Whether we like it or not, that’s the truth. He says she’s in Siberia. I believe him.”

Jamie looked up at his dad’s again. Fiddled with one of his arrows and looked away. He kept wanting to ask Bucky if he was sure. Deep down, Jamie couldn’t shake the feeling that Sarah was dead.

Carol landed the jet on an icy plane out of sight of the base. The group that consisted of Steve, Bucky, Jamie, Carol, Vision, and Wanda all climbed off the jet.

“Captain, I’ll fly ahead with Vision. See if we can’t find a way in. Meet you when you get there, slowpokes.” Carol said, taking to the air.

“Right you are, major,” Steve said. He turned to the others as Carol and Vision flew towards the base. “Jamie, stick with your dad. Wanda, you’re with me. We’ll go out wide try and come in on the other side. You stick to this side, Buck.”

Bucky nodded and they move forward. When they made it to the compound there were a dozen Hydra agents already lying on the ground. Five children were gathered around Carol. Bucky recognized Danielle and May Day but not the others. One looked like they were made of blue flames. Sarah was nowhere to be seen. Buck and Jamie jogged over to Carol.

“Did you do this?” He asked.

Carol laughed. “We got here and we were just about to see how we might go about getting in when all these agents just dropped to the ground. They’re all alive. Just unconscious. Then the kids ran out.”

“Sarah,” Jamie said. Relief filled him. He just wished he could feel her again.

“Vision get the door open,” Bucky said. “We’re going to find my daughter.”

“What about, dad?” Jamie asked as Vision floated through the door. The circuits popped and it slid open.

“She’s already been here too long. I’m going to get her.”

// NEXT

[redladydeath]

Hiiii, guess who has a Sin Swap AU but only has a detailed idea for the Pride (formerly Lust) arc????

It’s the night of the engagement party and Gumina’s struggling to figure out what to do. She’s found out about Sateriasis plans to kill Cherubim, but Cheri has picked this moment to try and corner her and confess his feelings for her. Gumina’s panicking, trying to figure out what actions she should take, before suddenly coming to the realization that this whole situation is stupid and can be partially resolved by talking. She cuts Cherubim off, telling him to meet her in the hallway, before marching off over to Sati, grabbing him by the arm, and dragging him out of the ballroom.

She brings the brothers to a side room before going off on Sati for being such an asshole. Cherubim’s shocked by the fact his brother was planning on killing him, while Sati’s defensive, accusing the two of them of being together behind his back. Gumina and Cherubim immediately and vigorously deny this, pointing out the flaws in his logic. Emotions are still running high though and eventually things devolve into a shouting match between the three of them, everyone angry at each other for on reason or another.

Eventually, Claster and Ilotte barge in on them. Mina and Sati just walked out of their engagement party after all, and Cherubim’s not supposed to interact with them. Gumina and Sati are both still furious though and refuse to go back. Cherubim, scared that this might be his last chance to speak to Gumina, breaks down and confesses his feelings to Gumina. Gumina is too shocked to give him a real response.

Sati pitches a fit and says he was right all along, Claster is frantically trying to herd the two of them out of the room, and Ilotte is staring daggers at Cherubim. He tells Claster that he will take care of this and Cherubim freezes in terror while Gumina panics. She tries to implore Sati to help Cheri, to help her, but he stays silent, refusing aid out of spite. Gumina is horrified by his selfishness before becoming furious at him for treating her like something he’s entitled to.

Time passes. Cherubim is locked away again by Ilotte. He has no hope/expectations of being rescued again. Gumina is furious at Sateriasis, along with everyone else who thinks of her as nothing more than a pawn to be used for their own purposes. Sati, once he calms down, grows somewhat guilty for hurting the two of them so badly over pretty much nothing. In the meantime, Gumina takes to wearing an emerald ring that was given to her as an engagement gift. She refuses to touch any of the presents and is not entirely sure who it’s from, but she feels drawn to it.

Eventually Gumina and Sati are married. Gumina’s resentment for everyone grows, fueled by the ring, which, surprise surprise, turns out to be the Vessel of Pride. She hates Sateriasis, hates her fellow nobles, and is disgusted by the idea of taking on the role as Sati’s quiet little wife. Sateriasis is trying to make amends, but he’s failing, and is too scared/selfish to do anything significant to help the situation. Cherubim is slowly starving in the basement and has no hope to escape this situation

The vessel’s influence on Gumina grows stronger, fueling her indignation and anger until they reach a boiling point. She begins to make plans to set things right, which the vessel encourages her to act on.

Ilotte confronts Gumina one night, hoping to intimidate her into being more compliant. Her anger at his condescending attitude peaks and she snaps; the vessel changes from a ring to a knife and she wheels around and slashes his throat. She leave him to bleed out; she believes it was the just thing to do.

The whole household panics once his body is discovered. No one suspects Gumina. Sati tries to maintain order and stops paying attention to Gumina. While he’s distracted, Gumina fires half the staff for “allowing” the murder to happen, replaces them with servants loyal to her, sends the hysterical duchess to stay with Classke, and rescues Cherubim, who was on the brink of death, from the basement, assigning Carol to watch over his recovery.

Sati and Gumina officially become Duke and Duchess Venomania. Sati still hasn’t noticed everything Gumina’s done behind his back. After everything is settled, he turns to Gumina for support, but is shocked when she reveals all the power over the household that she’s attained. He tries to argue with her, but she simply has her men lock him in his room, leaving her to do as she pleases.

Once Sati is taken care of, Gumina goes to oversee Cherubim’s recovery. He’s quite confused about all that’s happened, but blindly accepts it simply because everything is suddenly so much better. Gumina spends a lot of time in his company as he recovers and her fondness is finally allowed to blossom into love. The two of them start a relationship, much to Cherubim’s shock. Part of Gumina genuinely loves him, the other part is getting a kick out of the relationship primarily because it’s in defiance of what everyone tried to make her do.

While participating in this relationship, Gumina starts governing Asmodean in Sateriasis’ name. She quite enjoys it, loving the ability to exercise the power she feels she is entitled to. Her and Cherubim grow closer, and he can’t quite believe this is really happening. Meanwhile, Sati is desperately trying to find a way out. He’s shocked that he can’t persuade anyone to help him and is beginning to go stir-crazy.

Gumina is satisfied with how things have turned out. Her and Cherubim’s relationship eventually becomes sexual. Cheri, being a socially and emotionally stunted individual, eventually expresses a wish for Gumina to bring Sati intro their relationship— Cheri doesn’t have a particularly nuanced understanding of ‘love’ and, once introduced to the idea of romantic/sexual love, merges it with platonic love in his mind. Gumina is shocked and unnerved by this request; she finally comes to understand how damaged and childlike Cherubim still is. However, the vessel fuels her anger at Sateriasis for doing all this to them, and it encourages her to continue to be the arbiter of justice.

Gumina grants Cherubim’s wish and frees Sati, under the condition he does as she says. Everything about this whole situation is nightmarish and wrong to him, but Gumina plays on his guilt for having nearly killed is brother and objectifying his childhood friend in order to paralyze him, keeping him from stepping out of line.

A new system is formed. Gumina runs the household and attends to affairs of state, Cherubim is given unlimited freedom and resources, and Sati remains in his room most of the time, except for when Gumina or Cheri want him for something. Gumina is immensely satisfied, Cherubim is happier than he’s ever been, and Sati is emotionally bruised from suddenly losing all his authority to his wife.

Gumina is satisfied with her position as unofficial duke, but the vessel is not. The vessel encourages feelings of superiority and righteousness in her, and slowly she comes to believe that all the other nobles are incompetent and she should be the one running everything.

She slowly starts implementing policies that subtly weaken other families’ power and strengthening her own. People notice, but it’s subtle enough where they can’t outright accuse her of anything. It gradually comes to be known that Gumina is really the one running the show, but as it’s believed she’s governing at Sateriasis’ request while he’s “grieving”, no one can do anything about it.

Gumina becomes a figure of suspension by the nobles and many men in Asmodean. However, she is a highly affective ruler who makes many substantial improvements to how things are run— she grants women more rights for a start. Gumina enjoys this new position; it’s incredibly satisfying to her to watch the nobles who once saw her as a pawn silently seethe as she takes control of the country and proves time and time again how capable she is. Many Asmodean women, as well as the Elphe government, admire her, but to most she begins to be regarded as “The She-Wolf of Elphegort”.

Things are good for a while: Gumina’s happy and running the county well, and her and Cherubim adore each other. Gumina, seeing herself as the arbiter of karma, showers him with gifts and affection (partly out of love, partly because she can now). Cheri, in return, is hopelessly devoted to her, never questions anything she does, and never leaves the house or speaks to anyone she thinks may be a threat. Part of Gumina is a little concerned about this— she wanted to help him become more of a person— but a larger part of her is too wrapped up in the love of this situation to actually do anything about it. Sati’s watching this love-affair go on from the sidelines, but he’s too concerned about staying sane and alive to get worked up about it.

While initially considered to be a just, albeit divisive ruler, public opinion about Gumina starts to change. The vessel’s negative impacts are starting to show again, and she starts implementing policies that hurt the people for the sake of her own enrichment. She never thought much of the lower-classes, and now her callous treatment of them starts to stew up discontent among the masses. Meanwhile, Mina’s currently trying to get pregnant by one of the brothers (it doesn’t really matter to her which one) so as to secure her position as the mother of the future duke/duchess. Sati is disgusted by this situation, Cheri doesn’t know about it because Gumina had the foresight to know not to tell him as it would inevitably send him into a panic.

Eventually, all of Gumina antics attract the attention of the royal family. Again, it’s not clear if she’s done anything wrong, but they’re suspicious and invite her and Sati to court for a few weeks. Gumina, accepts, confident that’s she’s utterly secure and they won’t be able to prove anything. Arrogance clouding her judgment, she also decides to bring Cherubim along, just for fun.

The visit is tense. Gumina’s completely relaxed, but Janus is suspicious. He can see something’s wrong with Sateriasis, but can’t get him to admit it’s due to anything but grief. Maylis is interested in this whole affair and wants to figure out what’s going on. She worms her way into Cherubim’s room and gains enough of his trust for him to mention Gumina and him are lovers and a few more suspicious things about their home life until they’re interrupted by Gumina.

Gumina tries to talk Maylis into keeping what she heard quiet, appealing to her distaste for arranged marriages. Maylis pretends to be convinced, but is really planning to gather more information before clamping down. This is already stressful enough for Mina, but then towards the end of the visit Sateriasis becomes bold enough to start hinting to the royals that something is seriously wrong. Eventually they leave, with Gumina still confident in her security, but angry and a tiny bit nervous.

Things start spiraling out of control. Gumina, becoming paranoid of losing power, starts acting erratically. She’s adopting new, unfair policies, questioning her servants’ loyalty, and lashing out at people verbally and physically. One night, while the three of them are together, Sati summons the courage to confront her about what she’s done. There’s a physical altercation and, in the heat of the moment, Gumina stabs Sati in the heart. Cherubim freaks out as Gumina tries to get him to shut up, regretting what she’s done but scared of attracting attention. She calls Carol to try and help Sati, but he dies before anything can be done. Cherubim’s in shock while Gumina tries to convince him that she will handle this and everything will be alright.

Mina hides Sati’s body in the basement and tries to keep up the illusion that he’s still alive. She announces to the public that Sateriasis is going to start ruling now, for really reals this time, in order to divert attention off herself, but no one’s buying it. Gumina’s growing more and more frantic, trying to maintain her power and coax Cherubim back into his devotion for her. He’s finally starting to question her and doesn’t trust her like he used to. This only makes Gumina more stressed and more angry.

Eventually things come to a head and Maylis shares the information she’s gathered to her siblings, who send men to investigate the manor. Gumina tries desperately to prevent them from probing too far, but they discover Sati’s body and Gumina and Cherubim, along with anybody who remains loyal to them, are arrested.

Once Gumina’s no longer a threat, many of the servants immediately start talking, confessing everything illegal/immoral they saw going on. Gumina is still trying to talk her way out of this, separated from the vessel but still feeling the affects of Pride.

Eventually, Gumina goes on trial and is found guilty of usurping her husband and abusing power that was not hers. She’s surprised she’s not tried for Sateriasis and Ilotte’s murders, until she finds out that Cherubim has taken the blame for them and some of her other crimes, hoping to protect her. She’s utterly horrified and tries to admit her guilt in the matters, but is ignored. The Beelzebian nobility doesn’t want to execute a noblewoman, and plan to banish/imprison her while executing the commoners involved in her activities.

Gumina is devastated and desperate, but there’s nothing she can do. Cherubim is executed, scared but satisfied with the fact that Gumina will be able to live. Mina’s sent off to a remote castle/convent in the countryside, barred from ever exercising political power again. The Demon of Pride breaks the contract and Gumina’s left with the guilt and grief of having lost her friends, family, and chance at a real life. She’s left with one thing though; soon after her arrival, she discovers that she’s pregnant.

[thewalkingdead-imagines]

TWD ~ Negan Imagine - “Guardians”

Summary: After Michonne’s headiness and plans for closing Negan’s cell windows provokes a frustrating fight between her and the reader, Negan steps in to cheer his girl up the last part / all other previous parts (None of the previous parts have to be read to understand the plot!)

Voices echoed through the tall hall of the church, angry voices stuck in a thick discussion. You were part of it too, had been to be more exact until a few minutes ago, you were tired of it by now, frustrated even more.  It was only a half day ago that Negan had returned to the cell, not more than an hour or two ago since Michonne and the others had returned from the Hilltop with devastating and chilling news. Jesus was dead, killed by a new emerged threat, a group that was walking disguised as the dead within them, killing everything that was coming into their way. Michonne and the rest had managed to catch one of them on the day after, the daughter of their leader who was now caged up in the one of the Hilltop’s cells, waiting for what else was to come. The Hilltop wasn’t the only community that was struggling, the Kingdom was too, but not with the living dead, but their supplies. Their fair should save them, bring them back into the game but as always, Michonne had disagreed to let Alexandria participate, not even after a second plea of Carol. And this wasn’t everything that had prattled down on you just a little while ago, Rosita was fine again, but pregnant and not from Gabriel but Siddiq, after a short and unmeaningly affair before Rosita’s relationship with the priest had even begun. The whole mood in the council’s meeting room was already tense, but putting these two men in here didn’t add up to a better atmosphere. The cherry on the top really was Michonne right now, her repeating lecture on safety concerns that was slowly but surely cutting Alexandria off of every other community, fueling your frustration. It was the same damn thing every time, about every little thing. No matter what the council decided, Michonne did in the very end what she wanted, almost as if the council only existed anymore to make it seem like she wasn’t the only source of power in Alexandria. It was nerve-recking, especially after you had fought for their trust and a place on the council for so long, a council that now didn’t seem to even exist anymore. You had often discussed with her about this, just like the others, but today you were zooming out, trying to process the everything that was happening around you, including Negan’s return to the cell. You’d been there when the door had fallen into the lock again, watching as he laid the new leather jacket next to the bed and slipped back into the prisoner’s clothes and you’d lie if you’d say your heart hadn’t been caught up in a row of stings. Negan seemed fine with it, more than you had ever thought, but you kept seeing him before your inner eye. In the woods, in freedom, with his arms wrapped around you and your head buried into the soft leather that gave you flashbacks to the time before the prison. You wanted him here with you in Alexandria, but you wanted him to be a free walking men as well, and those two components didn’t fit well, at least not to everybody but you and him. A thick sigh left your lips as you leaned yourself against one of the church’s benches while another row of voices echoed through the hall, strong enough to catch your attention this time.  “What does is mean for Alexandria to survive if it means that the Kingdom falls?”, Siddiq asked, stepping closer towards Michonne, his eyes filled with disbelieve as nothing more than coldness pressed in over Michonne’s face. “It means, Alexandria survives.” And with these words she shot him any even icier glare, holding his glance for a couple more seconds before breaking it off and pushing herself past the table the others were surrounding. She was rushing as fast out as always after such discussions, leaving a tension in the room that you could almost cut with a knife. “Great”, you heard Gabriel scoff, propping himself with his hands onto the table while he squeezed his eyes shut in frustration.  “We should go back to work, we can’t do anything more for the moment”, you heard Laura say as you pushed yourself away from the bench’s backrest and glanced at Siddiq who was still standing right where Michonne had left him, before he forced himself out of his trance and nodded slowly. “Yeah”, he grumbled, the annoyance clearly stuck in his voice before he let a sigh fall from his lips and glanced at you, “Lets get back to the infirmary, at least what we’re doing there is useful.”

The sun was already beginning to vanish behind the skyline of Alexandria’s walls and the tall trees behind them as you slipped your arms through the sleeves of your jacket, ready to leave the house after taking a hot shower that had washed a little bit of the load of stress the day had put on your shoulders until you had finished work a half hour ago. A uncomfortable tension had laid over the infirmary all day, fueled by Siddiq’s frustration because of Michonne’s decisions, paired with the Rosita drama that wasn’t much of a good mix and you were everything else than cheerful after this morning’s meeting as well. You had never thought you would say so, but by now, you were glad that Michonne had moved out of the house and into one of the townhouses. The reasons back then had nothing to do with the situation now, instead her decision had been urged by the pain Rick’s death had forced up, leaving stains all over the house as well as it had been supported by the more fitting rooms for the kids in the townhouse, still you were unfortunately glad about it now. You tried to shake the thoughts about Michonne off, letting a relieved sigh out as you now felt the smooth leather hugging your body, rising your anticipation to come back to Negan as you walked into the hallway, ready to finally leave. You were already swinging in a more comfortable mood before the door suddenly flew open, squeaking in protest as it arched by the power the push had forced on it. Your eyes widened immediately as your gaze glued to the entrance, catching the woman who was standing in the doorframe, furiousness in her eyes, brows puckered in anger and a chest that was rising and falling harshly. “You’ve been talking to him?”, Michonne hissed as she stepped into the house, rising the confusion within you as she threw the door back into its lock. “What?”, you asked, watching as she moved closer and let out a bittersweet huff. “You’ve been talking to Negan about the council?”, she growled, shooting you a dangerous glare, “Bad enough that he’s eavesdropping on us but that you slip him intel-” “I’m not slipping him intel”, you cut her immediately off, feeling how the frustration of this midday was boiling up again within you, mixing with new ones fueled by her accusation,”I’m talking to him, did you expect anything else?” “I expected you to be responsible”, she growled, her eyes narrowing in even more anger, the very same one that began to grow in you as well. “I am”, you quickly and firmly retorted before she could throw anything else at you ,”He isn’t doing any harm. Think he’s proven that enough.” “Oh so you two agreed in advance about what to say?”, she snapped as you just stared in utter confusion at her that drowned the frustration for a tiny moment. “Your boyfriend just told me to trust him a little more. Even let him be an advisor in matters of leader decisions”, she hissed with another bittersweet chuckle, as if she had talked to someone out of his mind. “Michonne-” “I don’t wanna hear it, (Y/N). I’m closing his windows and I strongly advise you to not talk to him about anything concerning the council anymore”, she cut you off in the matter of a millisecond, leaving you to process what she had just said that made you snap out of the frustration that had whirled back through you, and instead filled you with shock. “You’re closing his windows? Michonne you can’t do that”,you said, the bitterness gone out of your voice and replaced with instant worry about Negan ,”It’s his only way to get some of the world outside that cellar.” For a moment, you forgot her as fear flooded your veins. He already once had nothing but the cellar, he had once been completely cut off and you had seen to what that had pushed him. Shit, you had seen him on the edge of losing himself.  What if taking the window away, the interactions with Judith, simply hearing other people’s voices and having day light, what if that would urge him to fall back into a hole again, or to at least make him tangle on its edge? “Well that’s the plan”,Michonne brought you back to reality, befuddling you even more with her icy coldness, “He is a threat.” “He’s not he-” “He’s a monster, nothing else. In case I need to remind you again he killed two of our friends. He took Glenn’s chance to be a father”, she growled and with that, she shifted a switch within you. You’ve had to hear these things over and over again over all these years until it seemed like a record that played on endless loop, all while the people who called him a monster had done just as monstrous things, with the only difference that they were now playing the innocent lambs. “And Rick didn’t? From Gracie’s dad by massacring him? We didn’t kill a whole fucking outpost?!”, it suddenly shot out of you, anger raging in your voice as you passed past the points of keeping your calm. You weren’t one of the people to go off by the littlest inconvenience, but this was too much by now. Too much frustration, too much anger, too much injustice and hypocrisy. “Don’t take his name-“ “What? Cause it’s the truth?!”, you snapped before she could yell further at you and forbid you to speak. Rick was a risky topic, but she wasn’t taking a single fuck about your feelings, about your issues no matter if they were of personal matter or about her leading style, so why should you? Why should you if those things she was saying were turning things upside down, pushing them to let them shine in false light just because she liked it that way. “I’m so fucking tired of you all being huge fucking hypocrites acting as if you’re saints and he’s the devil. you’re judging with double standards”, you hissed, trying to not turn your voice into a shrill yell while the frustration you had build up was pushing further and further in on you,”He’s done fucked up stuff but so have we, so have you. He’s been for seven and a half years in there, if we’re going by your logic we all would need to be locked up” Your breaths were heavy and harsh, almost as if they were cutting cracks into your throat, but you didn’t care. This goddamn injustice was going on and on for years now, sentencing him to a whole life in prison while she wasn’t an ounce better and was allowed to live her life freely, as if she hadn’t massacred people without the bat of an eyelid. You had all done the most terrible things to survive, but only for him it got turned into the most horrible deed a human being could do. “Careful”, she warned you, stepping closer as her eyes bored into yours. “So this is gonna be like always, huh? Someone has another opinion and you shut it down, no matter what”, pure frustration was speaking out of you, calmer now but still firm, fueled by the discussion from earlier. She huffed, shaking her head before her eyes arrowed once more dangerously. “Do you really want to test me?”, she asked, a just as dangerous calmness spread over her face,”I can take your privileges of seeing him, just like that.” For a moment, you just stared at her in disbelief, shocked by the person in front of you that didn’t seem at all like the friend you once had, and pushed into more fear of actually having to fight for seeing Negan. “You can’t-“ “Yes I can”, she cut you off, glaring at you before she took a step closer to you, her voice dangerously calm,”And you know what I’ll do too? I’m excluding you of the council. You’re endangering us by slipping a prisoner intel.” For a second, you felt like you were falling into a hole yourself, as if she had pulled the rug from beneath your feet.  You had fought for your place there, no matter what you were thinking about the current situation. This place at the council had taken much time and work, she couldn’t just take that away from you. She couldn’t just exclude you because of a disagreement, “For the last time, I’m not slipping him-“, you tried to defend yourself one last time before you caught in her glance that it was over for now, that no matter what you would say now would make the situation any bit better, but would actually make it worse, in the most horrible case for Negan too. ”I really don’t know you anymore. I always thought you’d be the reasonable one. Turns out you’re not”, you huffed, pain finding its way into you about the friend in front of you that was completely lost now. “If you think that. Then so be it”, she coldly retorted, as if nothing of what you had said just nearly touched her, nor made her care, letting the shock and frustration overshadow the pain within you quickly. This was the situation seven years ago all over again. Negan was the monster, you were the traitor and everybody else was the knight in shining armor. And these old, conserved feelings let more anger wash up in you, along with the thought of what could await Negan now that she really seemed to go through with her plan no matter what you said. And this all was pressing in on you, like a burden that was collapsing on your shoulders. You stared at her for a moment longer, a small part of you hoping that she’s still change her mind, let at least shine through that she cared a little but nothing, There was nothing but coldness in her eyes. “Screw You, Michonne. Seriously, screw you”, it slipped out of your lips, your voice trembling as you couldn’t keep any of your fury cooped up anymore that mixed with the deep rooted agony.  You didn’t care if you were being the one fleeing right now as you shoved yourself past her and rushed out of the house, you were just done with the whole day so far. You just wanted to get to Negan now.

The way to the cell felt longer than usual. With each step you could feel more tears forcing themselves into your eyes, turning your view into a blurry mess while all the thoughts and things Michonne had said were pressing in on you. You were able to keep them in for now, keep them from spilling over but while you kept them in it felt like you were bottling them dangerously up, forcing them to escape later with a harsher pressure. It felt like the old times, like all these years ago and you hated every single bit of it. Your whole body stayed tense until the very moment you stepped into the cell and felt Negan’s worried glance on you until his strong arms wrapped around you and finally pulled you into his soothing embrace. ”What happened?”, you heard him ask as you buried your head into his warmth, the tone in his voice indicating that part of him already knew what this was all about, still, you answered. ”Michonne happened.”

Negan’s arms were still wrapped around you as you found yourself sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning into his side while you tried to put the day into words and listen to his own encounter with Michonne as well, to her mocking in response to his statement that he had changed, to what she was planning to do with the cell, and on top of all, to Judith who had just tried to get help with her homework and was now most certainly in trouble as well. The words just kept spilling out of your both mouths, as if the bottle was finally opened and all the suspense could flow out. ”Shit...I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have mentioned you in any fucking way, I-”, he grumbled, utter guilt stuck in his voice after hearing of your exclusion of the council, made my Alexandria’s leader herself. ”This isn’t your fault, she would’ve known either way”, you mumbled back, glancing up into his hazel eyes that ran over your face, brushing over your features as he slowly nodded, before he gulped thickly. ”The thing about the windows..., don’t worry, alright?”, he asked, holding you a little tighter as he glanced from you to the windows and back, all while you shook your head and felt the next rush of frustration coming over you. “No Negan, this isn’t fair”, you said, the mumbling from before turning into a tense and now also trembling mess, ”She can’t just keep pretending that she’s the saint and cut you off from everything as if you’re some blood thirsty monster.” Your breath was heavy enough to make your chest shake harshly as all the thoughts that had rushed through your head during your argument with her streamed back into your head. You had told him everything, everything but about your fear of a relapse. You just didn’t want to worry him even more or worse, provoke a backslide all the more by showing him your fear. But you couldn’t fool Negan, couldn’t in the past, couldn’t do now and as his arm around you tightened and his eyes kept sticking to your face, as if he was trying to read your thoughts you knew already what he was gonna ask next. ”There’s more, huh?”, his own voice was filled with concern, paired with the knowledge that you were keeping something from him to not worry him more than he already was. A thick sigh fell from your lips as your glance wandered from him to the cement ground for a moment, realizing as always that you had to tell him, no matter the effect it could have. “I’m just...I’m afraid”, you mumbled, licking your lips nervously as you glanced back up at him and allowed a shivering breath to leave your lips before you rose your voice,”I don’t...I don’t want you them to push you into that hole again.” “I won’t fall into that hole again, Baby”, he retorted in the matter of seconds while his tension filled glance grew softer and his arms held you a little tighter. “Come on, as long as I got ya I’ll be all fine”, he added in the very next moment, watching your reaction closely as he gave you a small chuckle that paired with a small grin ,”Seriously, things are different now than they were back then.” “I know...I’m just frustrated...”, you mumbled, feeling how he reached up and let the palm of his large hand cup the side of your face to let his thumb brush over it, brushing of some dried tears and soothing you with his touch. “I know, Sweetheart”, he muttered with a nod, leaning in to press a small kiss to your lips while you softly nodded and allowed yourself to sink for a moment into him. “But this isn’t done...I’ll talk to her again when things have calmed down a little. I won’t let her take this away from you”, you added as soon as his lips parted from yours, giving in to an inner urge to not loose the very last hope you had, maybe to not go crazy once for all. “You first get back into the council, that’s more important than my windows”, he softly chuckled, pulling you closer before you quickly shook your head.  “No, it’s not”, you mumbled with a soft sigh, “Council’s one shitshow either way, as long Michonne doesn’t change it’s just sham.” Negan just softly nodded, keeping you close as he leaned in for another kiss and let his lips caress over yours, allowing to let the frustration beat the retreat a little and instead fill you with comfort until he backed a little away and gave you a slight grin. “Whatever comes next, we’ll get through this. Fuckin’ know it”

“Come here”, Negan mumbled as he settled a few soothing kisses and touches later into the pillow at the end of the bed, spreading his arms and nodding with a soft smile towards them. Slowly nodding you responded by shifting towards him over the sheets, sniffing just slightly for the last time before you dove into his embrace. With a soft hum you nuzzled your head into the curve of his neck and moved your leg over his hip, allowing you to sink into his side as your arm slung around his torso and hugged him back. His arms were holding you tightly as his lips pressed a warm kiss to your forehead, allowing his beard stubble to tickle your skin and form a small smile on your lips.  “Y’know, I still got something for ya....hope it lifts your mood a little”, he mumbled after only  few moment had passed as he shifted a little and stuck his fingers into his pant’s pockets, rummaging as you hummed in confusion and heard him letting out a low chuckle. “Won’t be my dick this time, I promise”, he laughed quietly before the movements stopped as he slowly got his hand out of his pockets. “Don’t know if you thought I forgot about it but damn, I didn’t”, he mumbled, as he formed his hand into a fist, hiding what was hidden within, “Couldn’t repair your bracelet but I...well lets say I improvised a little.” With these words and another small chuckle he opened his hand, revealing what was hiding in its large palm.  A ring, the one that had just a small while ago laid in the box with the goods he was trying to repair. Before the troughs of its metal had been empty, its stones gone for years but now they were filled up again with the tiny white diamonds that had once belonged to your bracelet. “Finished it before gettin’ out...just weren’t sure when to give it to ya, so now seems like a good moment”, he said, a little tension stuck in his voice as you slowly lifted yourself a little, enough to prop yourself on one elbow and glance at the small good in his hand. “It’s beautiful”, you mumbled, feeling how a larger smile was growing on your lips as soon as you touched the ring and realized how many curses he must have lost over it, trying to glue the small stones with his large hands to the thin ring. He’d lost his patience over all the other goods, but he had finished this one, no matter how many nerves it must have cost him. “Damn glad you like it”, you heard him mumble as he shifted a little up in the pillows as you glanced once more at the familiar stones that twinkled in the light before you looked up into Negan’s hazel eyes. “’Course I do...thank you so much”, you said, keeping the smile on your lips as you leaned in and kissed him softly, caressing your lips over his as his touch made the frustration vanish some more and brought you deeper into this moment in which you could forget about the rest of day that suddenly seemed to become much better. “How much did you curse over it?”, you chuckled softly against his lips as he leaned in to peck you once more. “Oh way too much...doesn’t matter tho”, he mumbled, pulling you into another kiss until you could feel him tensing a little as soon as your lips left his.  “I just..I want you to know what I want that little fucker to represent”, he mumbled as you backed a little away, enough to glance into his eyes and catch the muscles in his face twitching, almost as if he was nervous. “Meant what I said...as long as we two got each other everything’s fine as hell, was always that way”, he grumbled, sitting himself a little more up as he still held onto the ring in his hand, “You and me, that’s all we fucking need.” “Yeah”, you mumbled with a nod as you reached up and caressed your fingertips over his beard stubble, smiling softly at him. You could feel him shifting a little more, enough to sit straight up and reach out to your legs to pull them over his legs and hug you closer as he cleared his throat softly, clenching his jaw as he grew a little more nervous. “I know I can’t marry you the damn real way here...shit, can’t even propose the fuckin’ way I’d like...I’m just”, he stopped, shaking his head as he run one hand over his stubbly jaw ,”Talkin’ too much” Your heart was already speeding up as you heard his words echoing through your head and felt how his hand that was still holding the ring was beginning to trace over your leg, nervously fumbling on the loose threads.  “I just, I want you to know that we both are set in damn stone,...real damn marriage...not how it was with- them...”, he mumbled, struggling on that one word before he glanced up at you and pulled you a little tighter against him,”The fucking real way.” The smile on your lips grew wider as you watched him relax a little in response to your reaction, grinning as he bit his lip.  “And shit, we’ve actually been having that for all this time...no matter if we talked about it or not...you’re mine and holy shit I am fuckin’ yours, with neck and crop...and dick”, he chuckled with a wider grin, playfully squeezing your waist before he stroked softly along it, “And that won’t fuckin’ ever change.” “We’re the real damn deal”, he added with a soft chuckle, holding you close as you nodded softly, feeling the warmth spreading further through your body, sweeping into every little inch of yours and turning the rest anger into happiness. “Yeah”, you mumbled, running your hand up his chest until you let it rest on its center and glanced happily at him,”We are.” Negan’s smile grew even wider for a moment before a new little wave of nervousness washed over his face and he cleared his throat as his fingers fumbled on the ring. “So...Sweetheart, will you marry me?”, he asked, his eyes fixing on yours as happiness streamed through you for yet another time,”Right here and now?” “Yes”, you said, nodding eagerly as you watched him light up,”Yeah, I will.” Overwhelmed, you grasped his face softly, glancing at the love of your life before you let out a happy sound and leaned in to press your lips to his, caressing them tenderly while your whole body tingled with joy. “Shit, I wanted to kneel for this-”, rumbled against your lips as soon as they softly parted, only for you to shake your head gently. “Shh, it’s perfect”, you hushed him, not allowing him to doubt himself right after he had given you a declaration of love that was perfect in itself, regardless of the fact that you were laying in the old bed inside his cell. You hummed against him, dropping your hand from his face and sliding it back down to rest it onto his firm chest while you moved slightly away to look at him. “Now that finger looks a little naked, huh?”, Negan grumbled in the next moment, nodding down to the hand on his chest before he glanced for a short moment up to grin at you and moved the ring closer towards it. It only needed another soft nod of yours for him to pick your hand up and slip the slim ring over your finger, just as smooth as you had once done it when you had tried its damaged form on months ago, even though it felt so much better now. And as your lips crashed onto his this time it felt like you were giving each other a silent promise on top of it, sealing off what had already been clear to the both of you all these years. Of course, you couldn’t marry with all the bells and whistles but Negan was right on this, as long as you both knew what your relationship meant to you, it was more than enough.  “Y’know, if you wanna and if the situation will ever allow it, we can do it with all the little shit...hell, I can do more to make this all better...I-”,  “You don’t need to...I meant it, this is already perfect”, you muttered back, a soft smile still curling your lips as he stopped for a moment and backed away, enough to glance at you and raise his brows.  “Negan, this is all I need. If we ever can get married the official way, I’ll marry you again without batting an eyelash, but you don’t need to do more...giving the ring now so you can cheer me up and take care of me is so genuine and sweet, and real. That’s the best”, you said, glancing from the ring to his hazel eyes that began to soften even more, just like the smile on his lips that grew larger and the warmth in you that took over once for all. You could still feel the smile as his lips caressed once more over yours, kissing you deeply as he held you tighter, as if he was never planning on letting you go again. “I love you”, he grumbled against your lips, pecking them as he sighed contently, “More than fucking anything.” “I love you too”, you mumbled back, smiling softly as your fingers caressed over the salt and pepper stubbled, electing a small purr from deeply within his chest before he shifted a little with you on the bed, enough to move the both of you into the pillows to hold you even tighter. “By the way...I’m not fuckin’ sweet”, he mumbled with a low chuckle as soon as you had cuddled deeper into his embrace, urging a small laugh to fall from your lips as you backed away again and glanced into his playful and teasing eyes. “Yeah, you are”, you softly chuckled, grinning at him as you ran your hand over his firm chest, up until you could rest it on his neck and caress the sensitive skin while the tiny diamonds of the gift that was stuck to your finger twinkled in the rest sunlight,”No way you can prove me wrong on this.” “Oh I could think of a way or two”, he thickly chuckled, grinning suggestively at you while his tongue slipped slowly over his lower lip, “Want me to try out?” “Sure”, you chuckled back, already feeling how he was pulling you closer before you shot him a playful grin, “Still, you won’t convince me.” “Oh, you’ll see, Baby. You’ll fucking see”

part 51 / “Scars”

(The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty) tagging:

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[thatlesbiannudistcult-stories]

Finding Goddess (Chapter 15)

"Yes? You wanted to see me, sir?"

"Ah, Miss Connors. I just finished speaking to Miss Cassidy and she seemed surprisingly chipper for once. She spoke quite highly of you in particular. Said her meeting with you had been a very informative and inspiring experience."

"Ohh. What...exactly did she say?"

"Oh, a great many things. Such as how you provided actually useful feedback for once, showed you were clearly well-versed in the kind of experiences she was looking for in her writing material, finally understood what we are looking for in the books we publish, that sort of thing. She claimed she might even have an idea for a new story entirely thanks to you."

"I....I see."

"I understand she is a very difficult client to work with, Miss Connors, but she is a very important one, so I would like you to know that I greatly appreciate the work you have put in with her. Nobody else in our company has been able to reach Miss Cassidy in nearly the same capacity as you have today. The next time she needs a little one-on-one time with us, I'll know exactly who to turn to."

"G...great."

"Are you feeling well, Miss Connors? You look awfully red, and you're shaking an awful lot."

"I'm fine."

"You don't need to lie to me for the sake of your job, Miss Connors. And you shouldn't. Go on. Take the rest of the day off. You've earned it."

"I...I...alright. Thank you, sir."

***

Carol thought the way clothes felt on her body yesterday was bad, but after her meeting with Elaine, they had become even more unbearable. Whereas before they closed in on her like a coffin, today it was more apt to say they were piercing her flesh like an iron maiden. It almost hurt to wear them, made her feel dizzy and feverish, even sick to her stomach. It didn't help that they were wet here and there with spilt coffee. At least, she hoped that wetness was just from spilt coffee.

But more than anything else, her hands seemed to be operating on their own accord. They wanted to pop every button off her blouse until her breasts popped out, they wanted to peel every inch of nylon off her legs until they were left completely bare, they wanted to stroke every erogenous area on her body until she burst again. Every ounce of her willpower had to be devoted to keeping one hand firmly grasped on the other to prevent either from stripping her bare while she talked to her boss. Even that was shaky. Or maybe it was just her legs that were shaky. With how violently they were trembling, Carol's ability to stand up for any length of time could only be described as a miracle.

Miracle...I seem to be experiencing a bunch of those, lately.

Carol didn't wait until she got home before she began to take her clothes off. The second her car door slammed shut, she was already tearing voraciously into them, starting with her shoes. She tossed them so contemptuously into her backseat that she could hear the heels snap. Her stockings followed; she didn't so much peel those off her legs as she ripped them off, tearing numerous holes in the fabric and ruining them completely. She didn't care. They were clothes. She hated them. Hated how they covered her body, hated how they stuck to her skin so tightly, hated how they gave her so little room to breathe. If Carol never had to wear stockings again, it would be too soon.

"And...there! Ahhhhhhhh. Much better." Carol let out a deep sigh of relief once she slid her skirt off. She was bottomless now. From the waist down, she didn't have a thread or a stitch on her body. And it felt so good! Even her skin seemed to be moaning with happiness. Things were much less tight around her, air circulated in and out of her lungs more freely, and the temperature just seemed to drop dramatically in and around the mother the more nude she got.

"I should be allowed to be like this all the time," she murmured as she rubbed her thighs and wiggled her toes. "And I could be...if I converted to Zenrism."

Her smile faltered with that thought. Convert to Zenrism. That would definitely solve all her problems. Heck, it would give her everything she ever wanted in life. Permanent 24/7 nudity! Bodily freedom! Sexual liberty! It was everything a woman could ever ask for.

But...it was a big step. One that would no doubt turn her whole life upside-down. It would change the way everyone looked at her, it would dictate the things she would do, the crowds she would run with, and so on. And Carol wasn't so sure she was ready to make such a massive change so soon. She couldn't help but be a little suspicious of it as well; Zenrism sounded too good to be true. There was a definite catch to it, there had to be. It was a cult after all, one that would expect her to believe in all kinds of nonsense.

But then, how nonsensical could it actually be? Strange things were happening the moment she learned about it. Henrietta forgot to put her clothes on the one time. Carol was forgetting to put her clothes on every single day. And she was stripping herself naked without realizing it. Wearing clothing was getting more uncomfortable by the day, the hot coffee didn't affect her at all, in fact, now that she thought about it, it didn't affect Maisie either when it spilled all over her the other day. Was it just as the Holy Scripture said in the story of Kinuse? Were Zenrists really resistant to fire and heat?

And then there were the words that the priestess whispered in her ear as they made love in the grotto.

"I need...I need to think about this," said Carol. Realizing she had been sitting in her car for ten minutes without any pants on, she decided it was time to get a move on. Turning the key in the ignition, the mother rolled the vehicle out of the parking lot and drove away.

***

Driving bottomless was great, but it wasn't enough. Carol's breasts were still trapped in the confines of her blouse, and the way they were pushing against the fabric told her they were screaming for freedom like two hungry babes. So when she stopped at her first red light, Carol wasted no time in giving them their wish. She was naked now, completely butt-naked in her car, and no one was the wiser. No one except maybe the two people in the van right next to her who were staring at her with eyes the size of saucepans.

"Uh...hi," Carol giggled as she gave them a nervous little wave, not knowing what else to do. Fortunately, the light chose that moment to turn green, mercifully giving her a reason to vamoose. "Bye!"

So here Carol was, driving in her car totally naked. It had been a while since she did that and she forgot how...fun it was. Sure, she got to ride with Henrietta as a passenger a few days ago, but this was different. Carol had full control of the situation now. She could drive as fast or as slow as she wanted, pull up as close to the curb as she liked, and decide for herself if she wanted to go left or right. In essence, she had a choice in who she could reveal her naughty little secret to. That college-age group of girls entering the cafe? The old man with the cane on the crosswalk? The despondent-looking mother exiting the grocer with two bags of food in her hands? All viable marks.

N-not that she would of course! Such a thing would most definitely get Carol in trouble, and she didn't want to push her luck anymore. Not after she miraculously dodged that cannonball with Elaine. But if I were a Zenrist, there wouldn't be any luck to push...

She let that thought hang until she pulled into her apartment building's parking lot. She very nearly opened the door and stepped outside before remembering that she was still naked. Riding around in the car without a thing on was one thing, nobody had to know what she was doing (and few people did). But it was another thing altogether to stroll outside in the...altogether. Everyone would see what she was doing, and there would be no way to deny it. Carol would need to put something on first.

But as the mother gazed at her assorted clothes, which had been tossed haphazardly around the car, a feeling of despondence seemed to fall over her. She didn't...want to put them on. She didn't want them covering her breasts, her stomach, her back, her thighs, her butt, her anything. She didn't want them anywhere on her body! Not even for the couple minutes it would take just to walk from her car to her apartment. And now that she was looking at her blouse lazing about on the passenger seat, Carol couldn't help but feel her skin crawl simply from seeing how close it was to her. It was like it could, at any moment, leap up and pounce on her, covering her beautiful skin with its odious fabric.

"Screw it," she said, flinging the door open without a second thought. "I already showed everyone on this street my naked body. What's flashing myself one more time gonna hurt?"

Carol shivered with joy as she stepped out and the sun hit her bare skin, warming it in all the best ways. Goddess, these were the moments she lived for. That she used to live for. That she could live for. That she would do anything to live for. To live nakedly every minute of every day, to feel the very essence of the world with her every inch of skin. The sun caressed everything; its rays crept down her thighs, over the contours of her back, along the slopes of her breasts, and even crawled between her buttocks and slightly parted lower lips. Even the soles of her bare feet were not spared the sun's touch as they took in its warmth from the ground.

"Mmmmm," she moaned as she stretched herself out, thrusting her breasts into the air just to expose them to more of the sun's warming light. This feels divine. Being naked is such a blessing. Why can't more people realize that?

Deciding that she had spent enough time soaking in the rays, Carol locked her car and headed inside, leaving her clothing behind.