#cause I couldn't open that can of worms and then close it again. and like yeah. experimenting with gender can be great and important

[spokelseskladden]

no but actually, when I was like 16 I decided to get in deep with the cult, like fanatically deep. Donating my entire allowance and dedicating myself to biweekly bible study deep. Mainly because I had deluded myself into thinking that if only I could become a perfect jehovah’s witness, god would heal my crippling gender dysphoria by either taking pity on me and simply give me a dick and testosterone for the low price of my freedom and dignity, or alternatively taking it away all together and let me live my life blissfully as a cis woman for all eternity in paradise. The latter never sounded appealing to me, and I’m not going to pretend that the blatant sexism within the cult wasn’t a part of it at all, but even if you removed it, I still didn’t particularly care for having tits. I did realize that the former alternative probably wasn’t likely to happen in the end, and that’s probably one of the big reasons I never could admit to actually just being a guy, even though it was kinda obvious. Cause when you know you can’t ever have something, it’s easier to pretend you never wanted it in the first place, lol

[dungeonpuppykai]

|| Home ||

Summary: It was meant to be a light hearted joke when Y/n had declared that she and Lloyd were married after he had put his insignia band in her ring finger. Little did the younger one know, the humour had not been mutual. 

Pairing: Mafia Ex-Boyfriend Lloyd Hansen | Naive!Reader.

Disclaimer: I (unfortunately) do not own Lloyd Hansen. This story contains dark and mature content so browse at your own discretion, please. Minors do not interact.

Warning(s): Noncon/dubcon, Lloyd, gun play, dacryphilia, fear kink, age gap, house wife kink, husband kink, wife kink, slight breeding kink, boot riding, degradation, humiliation, dumbification, probably misogyny, pet names. The reader also pees herself out of fear. 

Note: English is not my first language but whoring is and so this came to me when I was literally half asleep at like 6 in the morning. Please be nice or don't say anything. Feedback (that isn't straight up hate) is always much appreciated!

MASTERLIST 

"Hey, baby sunshine" the near slur in his words caused her eyes to roll. 

"God, hold your horses, I am coming!" Y/n yelled at the door in annoyance as she trudged her tired feet to it. "Hold your horses!" She had had a long day so she couldn't be bothered with the peep hole, clicking the locks open as she prepared herself for the crazy lady that lived across the hall since no one else could rival how she could bang doors. It didn't help that she seemed to have a personal vendetta against the young female. "Wha-" her words locked up in her throat at the sight that awaited her behind the door. 

Come on. 

Not this again. 

Could this day end already?

"What do you want, Lloyd?" Raising an eyebrow at her ex to express her annoyance with the unexpected visit, the female crossed her arms over her chest as she awaited a response. 

"Can I come in?" 

"Can you?" The sadist pulled the saddest eyes he could and coupled it with a kicked puppy expression. Though the girl knew he was anything but. 

"Come on, bunny. We had a life" Lloyd tried his best persuasive tone that did not do anything for him since the only way he knew to talk was his commanding and authoritative usual. 

Always expecting obedience. 

"Correct, Lloyd. We had a life" she stepped back and wrapped her arms along the edge of the door. "And it's over" his foot stuck between it and the frame to restrict it from closing. The female sighed as she looked up at him with tired and pleading eyes. "Leave." 

"Five minutes?" If it weren't Y/n giving him the attitude -that he frankly could not fathom why she was-, he was sure he had already pushed them to their knees, broken them into submission and probably put them out of their misery. 

He could never lay an ill spirited finger on her. 

Not his little sunshine, no. 

Everything Lloyd did ever since meeting her was for them.

For her good.

Whether she liked it or not. 

"Lloyd." Her tone was clipped. 

"I am not leaving here until you do" the determination in his voice was clear. 

In the year she had dated him, Y/n knew he could be awfully stubborn if he really put his foot down. 

"Five minutes." She couldn't help but sigh after the warning before leaving the door for him to enter and walking to the living room to plop on one of the couches. 

Lloyd snorted as he took a seat besides her, causing the female to uncomfortably scoot over. 

"So, what? Now your husband is so bad that you won't even offer him a glass of water when he comes home?" I fucking knew it. The moment he wormed his way into her walls and got what he wanted, he was back to that taunting and cocky default tone of his. 

"What the hell are you on about, now?" Y/n turned to look at him, confused. "What is this new–"

"This," she nearly jumped when he reached for her hand and pulled it out of its lock over her chest, propping one digit under her ring finger to make it stand out amongst the others even more. "Remember this?" His insignia ring twinkled under the lights. 

Fuck. 

Wearing it had become such a habit that she hadn't even noticed it in the past week that had followed the break up after the girl had accidentally watched a footage of him torturing– no, tormenting a suspect when looking for something on the computer in his study. Though Y/n used the unit often, it was an established rule to not access his work files and folders but this one had been on the desktop. The date showed that it was recent. 

Betrayal had filled her veins as she had watched it with wide eyes in horror. Lloyd had told her that he was a businessman that funded government operations hence the mysterious agents that visited him in his study every once in a while. But this, it changed everything. 

Not only was he a liar, but the video showed how sadistic and brutal he was. Y/n could almost not recognize the man enjoying the pain he was inflicting on the bound man begging for mercy. 

She could not live with a man like that. 

It was horrifying to think that she had been doing so for over a year at that point. 

Memories flooded her brain as she looked up in his deep blue eyes, fear filling her senses the more his grip on her hand tightened.

Placing the massive bowl of nachos away that Y/n had failed to finish besides them, she wiped her fingers on one of the napkins on the table in front of her and Lloyd in the fancy entertainment room that he had in his mansion. She shook her head at the bowl as she leaned back against his chest and let him wrap his built arms around her form, perching his chin on the top of her head as he watched the movie that was playing on the huge screen in front of them. 

She had told him that she liked to eat nachos while watching movies. So he had the house help prepare an entire pots' worth for her. And now at least half remained. The girl sighed and finally looked away from the delicious bowl and onto the screen. But it was some old movie that Lloyd swore was a masterpiece but she couldn't really understand the hype. 

Her eyes travelled down to his thick arms now, fingers tracing the bulging veins. The action caused the male to press a kiss to her head which resulted in a surge of hundreds of butterflies in her stomach. 

Y/n's lips quirked up as she felt the ring he wore on his pinky finger now, toying with it for a bit before she pulled it off his finger and put it on hers with a mischievous smile. 

"What?" Her lips pouted as she furrowed her eyebrows. It didn't fit her smallest finger like his. She jabbed it back and forth to try and make it fit somehow but the ring hung loosely near her knuckle. "Ugh!"

"Your finger is smaller than Daddy's, baby" Lloyd's mustache tickled the shell of her ear as he took her hands in his and pulled the ring off. "Must be because you're such a tiny little bunny compared to him" she blushed and bit her lip. 

He loved to make her feel the smallest he could. 

"There we go, all fit and pretty" he pressed a kiss to her temple after sliding it on her ring finger where the ring locked comfortably against her skin almost as though they were meant for each other. 

"Oopsie!" Y/n giggled as she tilted her head back to look at him. "We are married now!" 

Lloyd had an amused smile on his face. "Nothing oopsie about that, little bunny" and he sealed it with a kiss. 

"Agreed." The younger blushed harder as she giggled again due to how his mustache tickled her upper lip. 

"That was then." Y/n replied back coldly as she pulled her hands from his. "Now is now. And it's different." Trying her best to suppress the shudder threatening to break its way into her voice, she went to pull the ring off. "You-"

"Don't." His darkening eyes locked on her fingers and tone became one of warning. "Y/n Y/L/N, do not." 

Who did he think he was? Her lips turned into a firm line as she ripped the ring off her finger angrily. 

"You lied to me- LLOYD!" Before the jewellery could completely come off her finger, the man had pounced onto her. "STOP! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW!" Terror filled her body as she realized that her strength was no match to his. 

Lloyd calmly pushed the ring back down on her finger. "Would you calm the fuck down already?" His tone was one that he had never used with her before. Cold droplets of sweat trickled down her back.

It was similar to the one he had been using in the video. 

"P- Please." 

"You didn't even give me a chance, sunshine. Good wives don't do that" his eyes were crazed as he caressed her fingers with no regard to her visibly upset state. "You just up and left with a silly little note while I was on the other side of the world working so hard for us and our future family like a loving husband." He sounded cross but still kissed the ring. 

"You lied to me" Y/n could only whisper back, the only man she could see in front of her the one from the video. 

"For us." His eyes finally flickered up to meet hers. "It was for your own good, bunny." When she tried to struggle, his jaw clenched and he pulled her into him before grabbing her by the jaw. His patience was wearing thin. How dare she? "And I would really appreciate it if you quit acting like I am some amateur criminal. I work for the government and I am an agent." Inching her face closer to his, he brushed their noses together before pecking her lips. "And a damn good one at that."

"No." He chuckled.

"No?" Lloyd went to pull something out of his back pocket. "You see, bunny. Dumb little wives such as you are too small to know anything wise to make decisions for themselves." Her body stilled when a bloody pistol came into her view. His other hand still held her by the jaw. "They need their husbands to show them the way. Regulate them with rules. Protect them under their wings." A strangled cry escaped the girl when he thought the barrel to her lips. 

"Good little wives don't worry about anything other than keeping the house warm and clean for their man while he takes care of the rest. They are supportive and obedient." Her teeth started to chatter when he caressed her cheek with the weapon. "I thought you were a good wife too. But the little antic you pulled last week proved that there is much training ahead of you." Y/n could not recognize the man in front of her. 

He was the polar opposite of the one she had lived with and loved for a whole year. 

"L- Lloyd…"

"Yes, sunshine?" The male looked perfectly comfortable. 

"Y- You're scaring me" hot tears spilled from her eyes. 

"It is for your own good, little bunny." The tip of the gun traced the shape of her lips now. "You need to learn your place here. You want the truth, right? I will not only tell you but I'll show you it." A whimper escaped her as she silently cried in disbelief. Her tears did not seem to move him in the slightest. 

"Kiss it" Lloyd's demand caused her heart rate to thunder faster. The barrel pressed against her lips. "Show me that you are a trusting and obedient wife who trusts her husband with her safety and wellbeing." The female's body jumped when he thrusted the cold metal against her sealed mouth. "Do it."

Y/n trembled as her hands hung uselessly at her sides. The girl didn't know much about weapons but she knew nothing was faster than a bullet. Although it was something about his mannerisms that indicated that he wouldn't actually pull it. The happy memories of their past resurfaced. He had never hurt her after all.

"Come on" he tried to pry open her mouth with the tip. "Don't make this any worse for yourself than you already have, sunshine." The darkness in his warning had her open her mouth and finally conform to his wishes by pressing a shaky kiss to the weapon.

Lloyd smiled as his dark blue eyes flickered to her luscious lips and then to her teary eyes. "Ah," her eyes widened when he took her slightly parted lips as an invitation to push the barrel of the gun inside her mouth. Y/n tried to back away, the man restricted her from doing so by grabbing her by the throat with his other hand. "You always did look the prettiest when you were crying for me" now his eyes sickeningly travelled down her neck and over the valley of her boobs that was visible from the loose t-shirt that she was wearing, then they went down her stomach and onto the shorts that were increasingly becoming damp from the middle, a hot liquid oozing past the fabric. 

The male threw his head back and laughed out loud. "Oh, bunny. Look at you pissing yourself like a scared little mutt!" Her already red and distressed face now burnt even hotter as the stretch that the gun was causing produced a pang of pain in her jaw. "See? This is why you need your husband to protect you. Because you are so small and helpless on your own… right?" His fingers tightened around her throat as he slowly rocked the barrel in and out of her mouth. "Hm?" The girl slowly nodded in response as she realized there was no way out of this. 

Lloyd sighed as he released her air duct but kept his fingers around her throat still, scanning her face and her body. "This is how long it would have taken us to sort it out, bunny. But you had to go ahead and make it hard for the both of us." Taking the weapon out of her mouth, he caressed one of her cheeks with the barrel. "You know I never did like punishing you" but the man in the video definitely would. 

"P- Please… Please…" Y/n whispered pleadingly. "Please…" 

"You ready to be a good girl for me again?" It was the love in his tone and sheer disregard for her horror stricken state that proved that this man, indeed, was the one from the video. 

She had no choice but to nod. "Y- Yes…" Just don't hurt me. 

"Yes, what?" 

"Yes… Daddy" he snorted and shook his head before nodding towards the ring glinting in her finger. 

"What's that make me?" She whimpered as a hiccup trembled its way out of her. 

"... H- Husband…" 

"Good girl…" Pulling her closer, he pressed his lips to hers in a rewarding manner -ever the narcissist- before continuing. "You are to call me that or hubby from now on, okay? The only exception will be Daddy. No using my name. Good little wives show respect." He dangled her body left and right by the throat. "Is that understood? Or does your tiny wife brain need me to explain it some more?" 

"I- I understand" she clenched her jaw when he raised an eyebrow at her. "... H- Hubby…" 

"Hmmm" Lloyd lazily eye fucked her again, unbothered by the fact that she had pissed herself a few minutes prior. He was used to much worse. "Now show me what's mine. Tsk, these clothes do nothing for you, bunny. Besides, you know you're only allowed to wear my shirts for pjs, what is this?" Moving her in front of him on the floor, he leaned back. "Tsk, tsk, bunny. I didn't think it was necessary since you used to behave so well but now I am positive that you need proper training." The man shook his head because even he knew that training with him was no easy thing. He had broken many little girls and boys while doing so. 

Though none had kept him drawn for this long. 

They eventually bored him out. 

Lloyd had never wanted to put any of them in a pretty dress and fill their tummies with his babies to have them waddle around his kitchen.

Y/n was different. 

"I don't have all day for this, sunshine." The girl hung her head low as she trembled under his piercing gaze, fingers grabbing the gem of the oversized shirt before she pulled it off. "Hmmm… my favorite fuck handles" the sight caused the male's cock to harden as he reached for her breasts and felt them both in turns, squeezing and spanking them before teasing her erecting nipples. "Fuck, sunshine. I missed you so much." Y/n blinked through her tears as she slid her wet shorts off her legs next, the reminder of the cause of the dampness making her face burn in embarrassment. 

"Hmmm. Look at how pretty you look, baby. All submissive and mum for me." Pulling her closer by a pinch on one of her nipples, he started to stroke her cheek with the gun again. The terror in her eyes whenever he did so thrilled him. "This is your true place. Good and pretty for me on your knees. Your only purpose is to keep me happy and my balls empty." The degrading words burnt her face. A chill ran down her back upon realization. The filthy and humiliating words he used to utter during their passionate episodes weren't just nothings. He actually meant every one of them. 

This was proof. 

"You do that, you'll be the happiest and most protected little wife in the whole world." Lloyd pushed the barrel back in her mouth and one of his boot clad feet between her lungs. Y/n whimpered in response. 

"Remember how much you used to love to suck my cock? Sometimes that was all you wanted to do for hours at a time" his foot teased her damp folds. "You remember, don't you?" The ruthless twist of a nipple had her nodding as her back arched in pain. "It's a pity that you can't have it anymore since you've become such a misbehaving little girl just because work took a bit longer than expected" in his world, whatever he said was the truth. "But since I am such a caring husband and I know how much you love sucking cock…" Her stomach twisted from how he was rubbing the top of his foot against her pussy as he thrusted the barrel in and out of her mouth. 

She tried to mumble his name through the mouthful to plead but the man refused to acknowledge any of it. 

"I have always loved you just the way you are but I really think you should learn to be more grateful, you know? Because look at me…" When Lloyd kept on the pretense that he couldn't hear her pleas and instead reached the back of her throat with the gun, Y/n hurriedly started to bob her up back and forth. "You betrayed me, you left me without giving me a chance to explain myself and then refused to let me in like you are big enough to make any decisions, yet I am treating you so well. Doesn't this call for appreciation and respect for your husband?" The female whimpered against the weapon, feeling heat form between her hips as they started to sway along his foot. 

"God, Y/n," he chuckled deeply, pearly white teeth coming out on full display. "You're such a pathetic cockwhore. Sucking a gun that can go off any second while fucking yourself on my shoe like a horn bunny." The man reached for her hair now, fingers snaking through a handful of the pieces on the top of her head before he gave a humiliating jerk to it, eliciting a gasp out of the female who was confused, scared, shivering and aroused all at the same time. "This is where you belong, sunshine; at my mercy between my legs. Your only job is to worship me because your little brain is too small to do anything else… right?" Lloyd forced her to nod her head by the hold he had on her hair. "Right?" He drew his words out tauntingly before nodding himself. "Atta girl." 

Sense was starting to desert a moaning and sobbing Y/n as she struggled to decide whether this was scaring her or exciting her. As the knots in her stomach tightened, her insides churned but pussy clenched at the thought that maybe it was both. The danger, the fear, the loss of power coupled with the stretch in her mouth and stimulation against her folds was clouding up her head. 

It was Lloyd after all.

He wouldn't actually hurt her. 

… Right? 

Her conscience trembled its way out and away from her along with the moans she was letting out, the burn of the leather of his shoe against the skin of her pussy lips adding to the pleasure as she stared at him with teary eyes, hands now holding onto his legs for support as she felt a spinning building up behind her eyes. 

It has been so long. 

God. He smells like himself. 

… So good.

When her eyebrows scrunched up and lips pouted in a similar way, a very turned on Lloyd opened his mouth to speak. "You wanna cum for your hubby like a good little cock whore wife, bunny?" Fuck. She looked so fragile and… scared. The tears just added to the appeal. "So needy, aren't you? Crying these pretty tears for him?" Y/n nodded before she could dwell over the rights and wrongs. "Do you deserve it?" He tugged her head back by the hair he still had a firm hold on. Her fingers tightened around his legs and nails dug into his pants as whined pleadingly, rocking herself against him faster and faster. 

"You do?" Lloyd strictly questioned in disbelief when she dared to nod although he knew it was out of desperation. No worries. A good old fashioned wife spanking would fix it. "Cum, then" he could torment her about it later, right now he needed her as vulnerable as he possibly could. It was the perfect state to brand something into someone; the process of building them back up with modifications of his liking after breaking them down completely. 

Y/n closed her mouth around the gun and sucked at it as she moaned loudly while her eyes fluttered close, cheeks hollowing to endure the intensity of the orgasm as her bodily needs had not been taken care of in a while. The girl's back arched as her thighs that he loved to bite and suck at shook from the violent surge of pleasure bolting through her whole body.

"Someone's forgotten all their manners, hm?" Y/n panted and shuddered as she looked at him through her lust drunken eyes, brain scattered. 

"T- Thank you… h- hubby" it was only when Lloyd raised a warning eyebrow did she muster up the response he had taught her a while back. Her hips moved slower now. 

"Good bunny." Finally unplugging her mouth and setting the weapon aside, the man cupped both sides of her very hot and red tear stained face as he pulled her closer and off his foot now. A snort escaped him when Y/n whined under her breath from the loss of the warmth between her legs.

"Now, you saw that video and thought that I just go around doing that to people?" He actually did go around doing just that. "And that I'd do it to you? My lovely little sunshine?" The younger whimpered as she softly pouted, feeling small and dumb. "Why? Have I ever hurt you? Did this very loaded gun go off throughout the whole episode even though it very easily could have?" His words sounded just and right. "If I wanted to, I could have very easily messed you up at any given time, bunny." Even his condescending tone didn't bother her fucked out and fear numbed mind that could only think about how nice he smelt. "But why would I? You're just my harmless little dumb cock warming bunny wife, aren't you?"

"I… I am sorry, h- hubby…" I should have given him a chance to explain. He has never hurt me. Hubby always says that whatever he does, he does it for us. 

Lloyd sighed, an expression of benevolence on his handsome face as his thumbs caressed her cheeks. "It's alright, bunny. I should have known better. Silly little pea brain wives can't be left unattended for too long. They need constant monitoring and guidance, right?" The degrading words were spoken so lovingly that the girl given her state could not even be blamed. Small silver patches and strands in his mustache and hair that were otherwise barely noticeable glinted in the lights at this proximity. 

"... Y- Yes, hubby…" Y/n's mind was blank as she leaned into his chest and closed her eyes, finally breathing in a huge whiff of his scent. 

She felt shuffling around her but she didn't bother to open her eyes. Her body was taken care of and warm tucked into his; protected. How foolish she had been! Lloyd would never hurt her! He was her hubby! 

Whether this resolution would remain branded in her mind or give way to better sense the next morning was a mystery for now. 

The man took his jacket off and wrapped her nude form in it before one of his strong arms hooked under her ass and he swung her body over his shoulder, standing up. 

"Huh?" Lloyd tucked the gun behind him in its holster. "W- What?" 

"We are going home, baby" a harsh smack on Y/n's ass accompanied his words before he headed for the door. "Tsk, silly little bunny wife. Needs husband to teach her everything."

[forestshadow-wolf]

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

"How?" Soap whispers the broken word after a nameless amount of time, bags and food and everything else had been long forgotten. "You didn't come back. They- they gave me your tags." The words no less broken than before.

Simon opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out, his lips seal again. Johnny can see in his eyes some inner turmoil, like simon doesn't quite know how to explain. A lock of sandy blond hair falls over his forehead, nearly reaching his eyes. Simon will probably want it cut soon, he doesn't like it getting too long, especially since he said it makes the mask uncomfortable. Simon's not wearing the mask, he realizes.

It's that thought that makes him realize he really could have never seen that hair again, his eyes water but the tears don't fall. Johnny sniffles, nosing into Simon's neck. He feels small, like he's a kid again and just woken from a nightmare. He runs his hands through that hair, over his neck, along his arm, down his torso, feeling just to feel. And simon smells like simon. Alive. And safe. And at home. Simon is alive and is wrapped as tightly around johnny as he is around simon.

"Kate's wife, Joan" johnny had no idea where this was going, but he stayed silent. "she's also CIA, 11 weeks, and 4 days ago her team found me while they were looking for someone else. They found me wandering the woods in some sort of daze. I must've hit my head in the explosion 'cus I don't remember much for the first couple days after." The more words out of Simon's mouth, the more worry worms into soap's gut. It was supposed to be a simple milk run, get the target and get out, simple. None of this... explosion shit. "They had to put me into a medically induced coma for 2 weeks. I have no records so they had no idea who I was. That's why they didn't cantact you or price. Laswell works hand to keep my record scrubbed, so Joan couldn't exactly tell them who I was. But she helped get me back here herself, stocked the fridge with easy meals, made sure I wouldn't accidentally kill myself, but she couldn't stay any longer, only had one day. I was still kinda fuzzy after that, couldn't barely figure out how to get myself food and water, much less work a phone.. I was sleeping most of the time anyway. I did try to call a few weeks back, but I think either the power went out and the router needs to be reset or the router broke or something, I don't know any of that stuff but I got no signal, and I haven't exactly been able to get around to looking at it, and the car's at base obviously so..." simon scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

"I'm so reading the report you give to price. How'd you even manage to fit an explosion bad enough to give you amnesia on a simple in and out mission?"

Johnny opended his mouth to say something else, but simon beat him to it. "And before you ask, Joan and Kate don't share anything about their cases with eachother.. plus I think Joan's tean found me somewhere classified or something. She wasn't allowed to say anything. Also I'mnot the one who caused the explosion, so don'tblame me." He closed his mouth.

Johnny hugged him again, "you're alive." He whispered, "I missed you." And simon hugged him tighter.

"How long'd you get sent on leave?" Johnny mumbled something into his neck, sounding disgruntled. "C'mon, johnny, can't hear you like that." Simon smiled.

"Whose to say I got sent here." He huffed, Simon laughed

"Because if you'd have listened to me you'd have been here a month ago. C'mon how long?" Simon prodded.

"... 6 weeks."Simon whistled at that.

"What'd ya do to get that long?"

"... beat up one of the first day recruits." He grumbled, "but they were talkin' a loada gob 'bout you." He sank deeper into a pout.

"Defending my honor? And they say chivalry is dead, thank you." Simon kissed the top of his head.

Should I make a part 3?

[heartfullofleeches]

What if one day reader sees pin's true form? Instead of hating it, they still sees pin as a friend ❤ i crave for wholesome eldritch monster fluff

If there was one material Pin hated, it was had to be ceramics. Porcelain faced dolls were some of the most beautiful of its collection; their smooth surface giving them a proper workplace for a more human-like and stunning expression. The one they first met you in happened to be such a body, making it slightly easier for it to worm its way into your heart. The only downside to them, was that they were so easy to break.

Laying on the hardwood floor, pieces of Pin's face scattered around them. A glass eye rolled along the ground, its twin sedentary in the preserved socket of the remaining half of its face. During the fall that caused the injury, Pin thought they would have been fine, but everything changed on the final tumble; banishing its face against the final stair.

Beyond the gaping hole, Pin could feel the open on its "skin"; its real skin. It was a nice feeling. One they did not deserve. A repulsive mess that shoved itself into an attractive vessel; forcing themself into a beautiful new word, and the arms of an even more beauteous human.

"Pin?"

They sit up. The weight of whatever hide behind their face drags their head down, a black sludge spurting from the cracks and under its eye. It tries to stand as you approach; descending each step with care. They slip on the murky fluid that falls their face; tripping over their own two feet as they lose control of their body.

You don't notice them at first when you reach the floor. Through the darkness of the night, it's hard to see five feet in front of you, but you can make out a figure shifting in the shadows. You lift your head up, coming face to "face" with Pin's broken head. Peering into the pit of their face, you see nothing at the start. Unable to keep them all closed, their eyes begin to open.

Dozens; if not hundreds, of eyes disperse across the open cavity. Altering in sizes; staring into different places. The leaking ooze works out and upwards of the hole, thinning out into whisps of smoke as small tendrils squirm about. Finally deciding on one target, all of Pin's eyes look back at you; their hands quickly covering their face.

"Don't look."

The voice that comes from them is unlike anything you'd ever heard. Their normally soft and bouncy tone now grated against their vocal cords; sounding as if someone had crushed their windpipe- if they even had any of said organs.

Pin backs away. They don't know what to do. You saw. You saw its face. If it was another human, they'd just pop their head like a grape, but it was you - the one they admired. What could they do now? Even if they returned home to repair, they couldn't imagine coming back as you'd see its hideous appearance. It wished that the fall had been fatal, even if they couldn't die.

With the initial shock over, all you wanted to do was comfort your companion. You couldn’t deny that you were alarmed, but seeing Pin back themself into a corner to hide only made you want to console them. Ever a gently, you proceed towards them.

"Hey... It's alright, Pin."

"No it isn't..."

"I didn't see much."

"Liar."

You chew on your lip. "Okay, maybe I did, but do you think it changes how I feel about you?"

They remain silent. You reach out.

"I'm here for you. "

Pin wanted to believe you, they really did; but their hatred for themself was almost as strong as their love for you. An idea comes to your mind.

"Do you want me to help you cover up?"

"..." They nod.

Pin in tow, you march back upstairs. They drip good on each step; something you'd take care of in the morning. You return to your room, ripping the sheets off your bed. You twist them into a homemade bandage wrap as you turn to them. Their glass eye moves to look at you; hands still covering the rest of their face.

"May I do the honors?"

They nod again. Leaning forward, they removed their hand from their face for you to cover it. You have to stand on your toes, but you begin to wrap the cloth around their face; eyes closed for their comfort. You tie the ends together, securing it around their head. In second the sheet is dyed black, but nothing seems through.

"There! All better."

Pin finally speak again. "..Thank you."

You feel its time to address the elephant in the room. "So... you aren't just a living doll are you?"

They shake their head.

You knew relative nothing about Pin aside from their name. They never answered the obvious questions you'd have in this situation, but over time you stopped asking. You hug their waist, head cradled by their soft chest.

"That's fine. I was still your friend with you just as a giant marionette with its strings. This doesn't change a thing about how I feel for you."

Pin gradually brings their arms around you. They felt bad. They shouldn't have expected so little of you- the one that cares about them almost as much as they do you. They weren't sure if they'd ever work up the courage to show you their face again, but in that one instance it felt like it wasn't so much of a nuisance.

You smile up at them, but Pin can see the uncertainty in your expression.

"Is there something wrong, Y/n?"

"Hm? No, nothing's wrong.." You glance down at the arm around you. "I just kinda want to know what touching the real you feels like. Obviously I don't want you to do anything you're uncomfortable with, but I'm curious."

"You don't want that. My touch stains everything and it's gross." They make a "bleh" sound; part of their playful demeanor resurfacing.

You laugh. "Now I'm even more curious."

Pin lets you go. It's the least they could do after all you've done, and you've already seen their face so there wasn't too much to hide. Plus, disregarding their self doubt, the thought of holding you with their real hands was a constant.

They search around for a pair of scissors, cutting into the plush torso of their doll body. Grabbing your hand, they guide it within the hole. Past the cotton, you feel another hand grasp yours despite both arms seemingly still in place. Another and another take hold of your small hand. They're sorta slimy, yet feel like they're covered in a dusty texture at the same time; like touching wet charcoal.

Your hand is coated in whatever their body gave off, but you don't mind; both of you happy to finally touch each other for the first time.

[rootsofdread]

pairing: demise davis (OC/self insert) x the singularity. rating: PG-13 for threats of violence, can-throwing, insult-hurling, metal music, and a single swear word. word count: 579 summary: HUX hears an awful noise out in the fog, and decides it is his civic duty to investigate.

HUX could hear a racket like no other coming from the center of the forest. The campfire, he quickly deduced, and it must be crawling with those pesky little worms. He wondered, briefly, why they'd be making so much noise -- don't they know that they have nothing to celebrate?

He had to put a stop to it at once.

Branches and small rocks crunched under his feet as his joints squealed and clanked. Whatever the festivities were, they would be ruined shortly, and they would never have anything to celebrate ever again. HUX would make sure of that.

Once he could see the warm orange light of the fire, he reared his claw back, high above his head, and cut a shrub clean in half. He could hear movement beyond his line of sight, indicating he had been noticed. He jerked his head to the side.

What he had assumed as a large gathering was just one person. The aperture in his eye tightened. He couldn't quite tell who it was, but the sounds he could hear were clearer. Heavy, hollow banging, long, deep electrical notes, and screaming. "STOP THAT NOISE," nonetheless, he called out. "AT ONCE."

The volume was magically lowered, suddenly. "It's just music, junker. Calm down." and the voice was one he recognized: Demise.

HUX didn't much care for that nickname. His claw-like fingers flexed closed, then opened. "DO NOT CALL ME THAT, YOU INSOLENT ROACH." he took a hulking step forward, dragging his stiff leg behind him. "I TOLD YOU TO TURN THAT OFF."

Demise chucked an empty tin can and nailed HUX directly in the head, with a hollow tink sound.

“Come over here and turn it off yourself, you big old hunk of junk.”

HUX was frozen for a moment, stunned by Demise’s impudence. His body twitched, then jerked, and then he lunged forward, aiming for that annoying metal box on the ground, to teach this sorry little creature a lesson.

Demise was able to react fast enough to grab his stereo and move it out of HUX’s path, causing him to lodge his large claw in the black dirt.

Demise pursed his lips. “You’re such a freak, junker.” he wrinkled his nose, setting his stereo at his other side and turning the volume back up. “Calm down and listen to it, you might actually like it.”

HUX’s body rattled as if he’d just heaved a huge breath. He stared at Demise, completely silent for a few moments, before he ripped his claw out of the ground and turned to face him.

“YOU ARE A HORRIBLE, SAD THING,” he lurched forward, jutting his head forward, almost level with Demise’s. “WEAK. RUDE. AND SMALL.” he listed, slowly folding his joints to sit opposite of the survivor, just beyond the fire.

“And you can’t let trials go on too long in the Red Forest without rusting.” Demise returned, draping his head over the back of the log he was resting against.

“I DO NOT RUST.” HUX stated, “PERHAPS YOU WOULD. BUT I AM CONSTRUCTED OF SUPERIOR MATERIALS.” his head lolled to the side, and he listened. Screaming and screaming from that one little box, both human and machine. Screeching akin to that of metal against metal. “WHAT IS THIS?”

Demise thinks for a moment, brows furrowed. “I think Jeff left one of his CDs in here. No idea. Can’t understand a damn word.”

HUX rattled and nodded. Demise was right. He did like the screaming.

[silverryu25]

Absolute Randomness Day 5 + Pornstar AU ^^

Dang this was a chalenging combo! XD And not cause I couldn't think of something, it's just that everything that came to mind would need so much worldbuilding I would be writing a multi-chapter fic XD

But no! 500 words or less! I already messed up yesterday so today it's gonna be short!! XP

DAY 5 - Absolute Randomness: Sci-fi (With you i have the whole universe in my hands) + Pornstar AU

------------

Red sat in a chair that could barely fit his bulk. It creaked and bent when he moved, the sound heard despite the loud, almost obnoxiously so, music. But he didn't care, he wasn't here for the comfort or atmosphere.

No, he was here to see a star.

Just as his patience slowly started to falter, frown deepening with every second he had to sit in this horrendously tacky pink room, the lights dimmed. His browbone perked up, attention getting dragged to the curtains on the opposite side of the chair he was seated in.

The music went from the generic elevator sounding crap to something more... intense, yet still calm and deep. It reminded him of the deep space he traveled while on duty. The vastness and mystery of the eternity stretching in all directions, that both terrified and thrilled him.

This time though, there was only the thrill.

Red smirked as he focused on the curtains as they opened, the darkness beyond them obscuring the one he was waiting for. The one he knew he had to have the moment he laid his eyes on them in the main hall. The one that drew his gaze like a lit beacon in a stormy night.

Starlight.

He knew it was a stage name, but it didn't matter. He'd find out their real name eventually, for now all he wanted was to enjoy this opportunity.

Finally, mercifully, the curtains opened and the object of Red's newfound obsession glided in. Their gait was light, almost airy, as of they weighted nothing. Red could almost believe it as his his eyelights focused on the delicate, almost brittle, looking bones. The flashy blue clothes (if you could call them that) barely covered the skeleton monsters bones. They were pristine, no marks or cracks on them, but Red could feel his magic bristle at how thin they looked.

He knew workers in the porn industry did better when they kept their bodies in trend to the latest fashion fads, but he was already promising he would make sure this gorgeous monster got some meat on his bones... figuratively speaking. But their body, as captivating as it was, wasn't what drew him here.

No. It were their eyelights.

Two white pearls, burning as brightly as the brightest stars Red saw during his travels. He could feel himself being dragged into the shine of those stars, feeling as if they could see right through him and directly into his soul. He could feel his own eyelights flare with his magic in response, and he could see the other's whites flash back with a soft blue glow, too soft to be completely certain in this dimmed room, but somehow he was certain it was there.

For now, he was just going to enjoy the show as he waits for an opportunity to make his move and slip Starlight a little something that would ultimately bring him into Red's arms. Red was determined to make this star his own because he knew they would complete his biggest wish.

Because with them by his side he would have the whole universe in his hands.

------------

525 words... so close! DX

Welp... this was supposed to be smut only but somehow the plot wormed its way in there... again... *shakes angry fist at the plot bunny* >:/

For anyone confused, Starlight is Sans' stripper stage name. Red saw him pole dancing in the main area of the club and fell for him hard. So he paid to have Sans do a private show for him. He isn't really supposed to touch or talk to the dancer (why you ask? plot reasons UwU) but he is planning on using a high-tech tracker on Sans so he can find him later... now you'd think that's creepy, but Sans isn't doing this 100% voluntarily and Red knows it (they are on this planet for a reason~)... but that plot is waaaaaaay too long for a drabble so.... just use your imagination >;P

[blackjackkent]

An unexpectedly busy night. After the chaos of Wyll's transformation, when Hector finally finds his way to sleep...there's more waiting for him in his dreams.

"I promised I'd be back."

He is back in that strange, shifting landscape of void and rock. His visitor - his guardian - is standing looking out at the view, but turns to face him as soon as he stirs from his position on the ground.

"Don't worry," she says, that soft gentle tone that is so incongruous with the intimidating form she presents. "I have things under control, for now."

She watches as he stands; her eyes drift half-closed for a moment, then open wide with an expression of disappointment. "You haven't been using the parasite's power. You think you don't need it. But things haven't gone as you expected." She begins to pace restlessly back and forth before him. "You hoped a druid as powerful as Halsin might be able to remove your tadpole - but he couldn't. You're desperate to be rid of it. Understandable, but you're looking for solutions in the wrong places."

"Tell me who you are," Hector demands. He has his voice this time, more solidly, and the question pours out at once. How can you ask me to make decisions without the information you clearly have?

The woman smiles with a touch of sadness, a touch of indulgence like a parent hearing the inconsequential questions of an anxious child. "It's complicated. But I'm an adventurer, just like you. Just like you, I was infected with a mind flayer parasite. Just like you, I seek to be free of it. But to do that, we'll need to think beyond local healers."

She takes a step closer to him, looks intently into his eyes - his right eye, where the parasite squirms as if aware of the scrutiny. "Your parasite is unusual," she says flatly. "It is wrapped in magic that prevents its removal. Until the source of the tadpole's magic is destroyed, any attempt to remove it will kill you. You were lucky that Halsin knew this. His instincts were right."

Drawing back again, she looks over her shoulder at the slowly shifting stars. "The parasites are merely a symptom of a greater sickness in Faerun."

"What is the sickness?" Hector presses fiercely, his frustration with the secrecy bleeding out in his tone. Answer me, damn you. No more riddles and half-truths...

But she shrugs again - and this time, it is perhaps not with deflection but true uncertainty.

"The Absolute's aims are not yet clear to me. But its progress towards domination is clear. These parasites are more than illithid spawn - they are vessels for control. The infected hear the voice of the Absolute and believe it to be a god. That is how the cult of the Absolute is spreading."

She looks to Hector, waits until he nods - yes, this agrees with what little he has managed to learn himself.

What she says next chills his blood.

"The highest of their rank, the True Souls, carry a tadpole just like yours. It is how they receive their orders. It is what makes them *obey*. When the order to transform is given, it will not be a matter of days - they will be mind flayers in an instant." Her jaw sets. "Were it not for my protection, so would you."

Hector shifts uncomfortably. He remembers the feeling of his bones moving under his skin, the fever and nausea, the call - the call that she stayed in another dream.

And yet there is so much he doesn't know. He remembers Wyll and Lae'zel's words of caution, Gale's skepticism. Is it possible this really is just a trick of the worm? To what end?

"Why should I believe you?" he finally asks slowly.

She smiles slightly, clearly aware of his caution, but shrugs again and gives the only answer she has - or at least the only one she is willing to offer him.

"Because we share a common cause and a common enemy. We are alike, you and I. I've been trying to escape from this evil for a long time. Once, I almost succeeded."

She frowns, shakes her head slightly as if trying to dislodge some uncomfortable memory, before continuing. "Now, through you, I've been given a new chance. You can go where I cannot. And I can protect you from that evil. If we work together, we may turn this around."

He has his mouth open to ask another question when she suddenly jerks back, turns her head listening to a sound he cannot hear. "Hells. They need me. I have to go."

Hector's frustration flares again. He has so much more he needs to ask, to understand. "What is going on over there?" he snaps.

She is unphased by his irritation; all her anxiety is for that unheard sound, that unseen threat.

"The power I use to protect you - I stole it from someone. They want it back." She turns away from him, sets herself in a battle stance. "I will hold them off for as long as I can, but sooner or later I will be worn down. You must discover the source of the magic that controls the parasites before that happens."

"But how--" he starts to say, but she cuts him off, the words tumbling over each other urgently.

"The cultists are gathering at Moonrise Towers. Use the powers your parasite gives you to convince them you are one of them. And when you find the source of their magic, destroy it."

"But--"

"Go!" She turns long enough to meet his eyes again, forceful and intent. "Our freedom depends on it."

He snaps awake in his bedroll in camp, aware suddenly of the crackling of the fire, the soft breaths of his companions, and all the questions in his mind. Every day, it seems, there are more of them.

[simiansmoke]

enemies to lovers + but one is injured

“ you got shot" -

If power-ups were not considered fair play in the world of the Kongs, then guns were DEFINITELY not it. Not that Kremlings understood that particular message. And if they did - they'd probably keep packing heat out of spite anyway.

It had been an awkward moment for DK - clinging to the edge of a mast-bound platform as one of the ship's pirates approached him, cocking a small fire-arm on the way. With the barrel pointed down at him, DK had scowled up at the cackling reptile, his feet scrabbling uselessly in place to try and scale over the final hump he needed to get his footing back on the swaying ship. He had no way to recover at this point except to drop the some fifty feet below to the ship's deck and likely crush all his bones on the way down...that or take a chance on the Kremling having a shitty up-close and personal aim. Teeth grit, he glared forward at the threat as it cocked the barrel, and the clawed finger attached to the trigger curled in.

Though a blast sounded up close, he didn't expect it to come attached to Mario- ...well the two of them were on the damn ship together, beating back oversized ship rats and snaggle-toothed pirate crocs aboard as the two neared their destination of a single life boat facing the shoreline. When the other jumped down quite suddenly from a higher platform to stomp on the kremblin's head, DK couldn't help but to spare him laugh that bloomed in his chest and somehow made it past him struggling to catch his breath again.

Despite their sudden reunion, the smell of gunpowder still lingered in the air. DK barely notices at first, but the slow, creeping pain below his jaw lets him know that the gun had managed to hit a target; something had buried itself deep in his shoulder like a maggot eager to start chewing and expelling a poison to burn away the flesh around it. "Argh-...you really got to stop saving me, dude. I have too many open tabs as is-" Mario didn't seem to notice first at all either, taking their moment free of canon fire and ankle-biting rodents to help hoist DK up and over the lip of the sea-salt stained platform with a heavy breath following. "Well, maybe if you stopped sucking so much-" It's an affectionate insult given by the way the other takes the time to swat some splintered wood from where it stuck into fur like pricklebush thorns along the back of the Kong's shoulder. One he probably learned from DK berating him all the time anyway. The Kong even spared it a side smirk that he couldn't keep for long as the bullet burned him into gritting and grinding his teeth as he palmed the cap of his shoulder.

Trailing off with his affections when Mario noticed the sudden shift of expression, it wasn't long until the smell of the gun powder in the air coupled soon with the fresh, coppery scent of blood caused him to put two and two together as he reached out as if to grab the Kong's shoulder, but stopped short of curling his gloved fingers in against his palm mid-reach. "Cazzo... you're not-...?" Then, with a slow approach, Mario placed his palm curiously against the back of DK's hand where it sat clenched into his fur. The action earned him a baring of fangs and a slow hiss as DK pulled his hand back to study the blood along his palm from where it had performed its duty as a temporary bandage.

"DK! You-...you got shot! There-...there's a bullet in you?!" Wasting no time, Mario leans up - half helped by holding onto the big monkey's elbow and pulling himself up closer to inspect the small hole wormed deep in the Kong's shoulder. "-and the bullet's still in! I can see it-"

"Yeah well, I FEEL it!"

The Kong ground through his grit and figured he'd have to keep doing so until they were both able to make it to the other end of the ship.

[ultimablades]

Ok, but like. As a fellow Elidibus enjoyer, could I ask about Jade's complicated non romantic Elidibus feelings? 👀 Only if you want to share of course ^^

WELL SINCE YOU ASKED

Gonna put this under a read more cause it accidentally got long

So, something to know about Jade is that she is very, very, very close to Alphinaud, he is basically her little brother and she adores him. When they first met during ARR, she thought he was a brat but following the events of Coerthas, it kinda dawned on her how young he was and how he clearly has this overcompensation thing going on born out of his grief from losing his grandfather (something Jade recognizes in herself because she lost her own father during the calamity). So she's like "i'm gonna keep an eye on this kid, he's only 16, why is minfilia giving him an army???" And then over the course of what was basically the patches, she grew fond of him and even wanted to believe that his dream of a united eorzean group could work (She didn't really think it would, but she Wanted to Believe.)

Then the banquet happened and Jade lost everyone except Alphinaud (and Tataru) and she became fiercely protective of him over the course of their time in Coerthas and Ishgard and Dravania. And that's when he really becomes like family to her, like she loves this kid so much, she would die for him. She knows he's actually got a heart of gold and seeing how he's grown and changed as a person, she's very proud of him and knows he'll go on to do great things.

So what does this have to do with Elidibus, well, Jade's Azem (who's name is Helios hehe fire/sun motifs are the name of the game) and Elidibus were very close, practically family. They basically had the same kind of relationship that Jade has with Alphinaud. Themis meant the world to Helios and Helios was like Themis's cool big sister.

Helios was already super Not Okay with the Convocation's plan to sacrifice people to stop the final days but when she found out that Elidibus would be sacrificed to become Zodiark's heart, that was the final straw that lead to her leaving (and caused the Schism and falling out between her and Emet-Selch – She was furious with him for standing behind the convocation's decision to not only kill her little brother but half of their people, including Hythlodaeous). This is pretty final fantasy-esque but Helios's love and grief for Elidibus became seared onto her very soul and while Jade has no memories of Azem's life or anything like that but she still gets echos of those feelings whenever she encounters Elidibus. For the longest time, she had no idea why – just that she would meet this Ascian and underneath her animosity at what they were doing to their world, she would feel this aching need to reach out to him that she would push aside. It wasn't romantic at all, it felt very similar to what she feels towards Alphinaud, so she was really confused for a long time about it cause he's supposed to be the enemy!!!

And then she learns all about the ancients and Azem and pieces together that what she must be feeling are Azem's feelings (which opens a whole can of existential worms about what are her ancient selfs feelings and what are hers etc etc) but she resolves that no matter what relationship Azem and Elidibus had way back when, it doesn't matter because she is not Azem and he is not really the same person either (cause he had lost basically all his memories by that point) and so he needed to be stopped to save the people and worlds Jade loves.

After defeating him in SoS and seeing him all tiny and small and lost, Jade felt all that grief again and now with the added guilt that she couldn't protect/save him. And it comes back during EW when she goes to the tower and meets him, like she feels so guilty about everything that happened to him even though she knows objectively none of it was her fault. He reminds her so much of Alphinaud and I think that makes it worse for her.

The stuff that happens in Pandaemonium was good for her though because she finally got to meet and know Themis himself and not feel like she was haunted by these ghosts of him that she couldn't actually recall. They became friends and Jade can now say that the things she feels about Themis are her own feelings and not just the mark he left on Azem's soul. I think getting to talk to him at the end of Pandaemonium gave her (and Azem) some closure!

[fakeloveaskblog]

Hi, me again. This is a story progressing ask so you can say what happens when Janus and Remus arrive at Remy’s. If someone else put through an ask for it you can use that, this is just so that you can say what happens next if no one else had an ask for this.

Glow Eyes

Tw: talk about abuse, talk about sex but like not at all in a smutty way

The door flung open nearly right into Remy's face. They leant back and looked up to meet Remus' worried look. His jacket had clearly been thrown on, his shoes weren't matching and his hair stood up like a bird’s nest. Janus was out of breathe as he closed the door behind them.

"Remy" Was all Remus gasped out before collapsing on his knees right in front of them. He hugged them like it was the end of the world.

They clambered their arms around him and dug their face into the crook of his neck "Remus"

Janus sat down next to them and both of them quickly reached out to pull him into the hug. He let his hands comfortably stay around Remy's waist as he pressed a kiss to their hair.

He quietly scanned Remy's face for any hints of what had happened. The dark bags under their eyes, the red tear streaks down their cheeks, their mat hair that had nearly grown to their shoulders. And the bruises. He tried to steer his eyes away from the spots of darkly nauseating purples and greens, and yet he couldn't stop staring at them.

"Are you okay?" Janus wanted to hit themself immediately after saying it. What a stupid question. Of course Remy wasnt-

Remy quickly nodded in response. They held onto Remus like a lifeline "I'm all good girl" Their voice was shaky.

"Do you know when Virgil will be back? Is he away at work or?"

"Staying at his uh parent's place. It's like an- 2 hours away? I think? I dunno girl I'm tots stupid sorry"

"You're not stupid!!! AND How can you be okay?!" Remus exclaimed right into their face "You haven't seen your bestie boy kraken bitch in months!!! I've missed you!!! I've got so much to tell you!!! OH!! If Virgin is away we can stay up all night and eat pumpkin meat and worm candy and cuddle and watch movies!! And then I can have a super duper long conversation with your body so it stops being a total dickass and stop making you unable to leave the apartment ‘cause of pain!!” 

They let out a weak chuckle "That sounds great girl. Really let at it. It's what the bitch bod deserves!"

"Now when Virgil is...away" Janus balanced the words on their tongue, unsure of how to continue "Would you like to come over to one of our places? Getting some change of scenery would be good-" It felt so stupid to cloud this all in fancy words. They looked directly into their' loves eyes and bluntly asked "Remy do you want to leave?"

An immediate look of utter terror went across their face mixed in with just the smallest bit of hope glimmering in their eyes. Their dried out lips parsed to speak but only a hasty breathe came out.

It followed up with this sick, nearly lucid, expression. Only worsened by their sunken in cheeks and red eyes.

Janus hesitated and forced a nod “It’s okay darling. We can both stay here for the rest of the day, Right Rem?”

Remus quickly nodded along “Oh yeah!! I got all the time in the world for my beloved beanpole!”

Remy’s expression softened and the terror drained away “That sounds great girlies”

The two of them helped Remy up on their unsteady feet. They leant against their friends as they dragged them over to the couch. They kept mumbling out apologies for being so slow and in return the other two kept loudly reassuring how okay going slow was.

“Let’s get us some water okay” Janus said as the Rems slumped down onto the couch “Water is good-”

“Water has like 3 atoms. At Least!” Remus chimed in.

“Right. True. very true. Facts even”

It was probably a bit naive to think but Janus still hoped that a day’s rest and loads of support from the both of them would shake Remy out of the mindset Virgil had trapped them in just for long enough so they could be convinced to leave.

For now Janus went out into the kitchen and filled three glasses with water. They leant down near a corner and whispered.

“Any watcher nearby? I could use a package of their meds”

It took a few seconds before a package of strong painkillers was spit out into their hand. Some weird substance had gotten stuck on the edge of the package. They were unsure if it was general void goo or snail slime, either way they shook it off.

“Thank you”

When Janus got back to the living room Remus had completed his transformation into an octopus by throwing his arms around Remy as hard as he could and aggressively rubbing the the sides of their faces together. They seemed to enjoy it.

“Should I even ask what you’re doing” Janus asked dryly while sitting down next to them.

“I’m marking Beanie as my territory!! OH! In the real world animals mark their territory by peeing. Beanie do you want me to pee on you” Remus hopefully joked.

“Omgushh girrrlll you finally got my signals like yeeeah totallly would love to”

“I should have just left you two to dehydrate to death” Janus rolled their eyes while handing out the glasses.

“Thanks Jannie!” “Thank you SnakeyBakey!” 

The Rems clinked their glasses together. Remus poked his fingers into the water and splashed it onto the other Rem right when they drank. They let out a loud fake gasp and threw a pillow onto his head.

Janus moved their beanie over their eyes and melted into the couch. With their eyes closed they sat there for a long time, simply listening to the Rems squabbling, chatting and gossiping. They let themself daydream that the three of them were sitting in some other apartment, and everything was at peace.

“I thought being on meds could help with how easy you get bruised” Remus suddenly said. He had attempted to lick the bruise near their temple to make it heal faster.

“That’s not how fibro works sweetie”

“Just checking here, but you are still taking your meds” Janus lifted the beanie just enough to look at them “Right? I can’t recall the pain ever being so bad it limited your ability to walk this much”

Remy got this stale grimace on their face, like they had tried to smile but failed halfway through. 

Jan reached out and placed their hand on top of Remy’s “It’s okay. Medicine is expensive. It is very understandable if you haven’t been able to get them regularly”

“Yeah!! Especially while alone!” Remus chimed in.

“Exactly. So it is good that I requested some of your medicine from the watchers”

He took out the meds from his pocket. Before he even had a chance at opening it Remy had reached around his wrist to stop him. They met his eyes.

“Don’t”

“Is anything..wrong?” He asked.

“I- I just-I don’t like really need meds right now. I’m managing fine”

Remus held them a little closer “I dunno Beanie. I think you would be doing equally as fine if someone chainsawed off your toes”

Janus squeezed their hand ever so carefully “If...If it’s anything with Virgil...He’s not here right now. There is literally no possible way for him to know if you have taken medication or not. He will never know”

Remy’s breathing began to fasten. They shook their head. “I- I really don’t need- I can’t-”

“It’s okay. All the meds will do is relieve the pain. There won’t be any signs of you taking it”

“I DON’T NEED IT!” Remy yelled. 

Their limbs twitched without them controlling any of it. Their legs nearly kicked Janus. Remus held onto them even harder, his eyes went a bit glazed as dissociation kicked in.

“I’M FINE! I am managing through the symptoms FINE! I can manage through the pain! THAT’S WHAT I ALWAYS DO! I DON’T NEED THE FUCKING MEDS!”

A second went by. An egregiously slow second. Remy’s breathing was raged as all the anger went away. Their entire body started to shake and their voice sounded like it had been dragged raw as they quickly forced out

“I- I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean- I- I’m sorry- I’m sorry- I’m really sorry- I’m sorry-”

Janus sat aside the meds and reached out for them “Hey it’s okay. You didn’t hurt anyone. Breathe. Breathe. We can talk about the medicine later, it’s okay”

Remy gulped before nodding. They turned to Remus and sent him a big worried look “You alright? I’m sorry babe” They mumbled out.

“...mhm...Dissociated but...alright”

They trailed their hand along his arm to help ground him. It wasn’t the yelling that had affected him, it was how much it reminded Remus of his outbursts about medicine right after leaving Os. It reminded him of how he’d screamed at his sister about how the antipsychotics would only hurt him. Of how he kept fighting back against her suggestions of going to rehab until he started passing out in his own puke. Because Os had drilled it into his head that only the “medicine” that Os gave him could ever help. That he would be hurt by any sort of actual mental health help. That the only one who truly wanted the best for him was Os. That he couldn’t survive on his own with his crippled mind.

Remus leant close to his crush and ever so gracefully buried his face into their hair. The familiar Remy smell hit him. A mix of coffee beans, cigarette smoke, a stinch of newly rained on leaves and something that could either be weed or mold.

“Smell helps with....with grounding” He said as he held them closer. Remy just smiled and closed their eyes to enjoy his touch.

“Poor little me” Janus dramatically said while fanning themself “I’m being all left out from the cuddles.. Oh woe! What a tragedy!”

The Rems snickered before both flopping over onto them so Jan became their personal pillow. They both cuddled up against his chest while he moved his arms around them.

“Have I told....Beanie have I told you ‘bout ‘bout uhhh Snake! Jannie’s snake! Ms. Carl!?” Remus asked, eyes still a bit clouded.

“Nah girl you haven’t. Wanna tell me ‘bout it in a long detailed rant?” Remy replied with a smile even though Janus very much had mentioned Ms. Carl to them.

“Yayaya! Okay so I”

Remus went on a long detailed rant about how he’d gotten Ms. Carl and all about how he got food for her and had helped Jan buy all the things needed to properly take care of her. Remy gasped along. Jan mostly sat back and listened, only flicking in to say how much of a gorgeous long lil good girl Ms. Carl was.

“Alright!” Remus exclaimed “You’re all looking like you’ve been dropped down into a torture chamber for 8 months without any food! So it’s dinner time!! Thirsting for empanadas anyone?”

“Babe you don’t have to. I’m sure there’s like tots some cereal in the fridge”

“nuh-uh-uh! Empanadas always cheer me up! So you are getting them!! If you want to!!”

The two others nodded eventually which made Remus shine up into a big grin.

“Great! Then I’ll just run down to the closest store and get what I need! I’ll be back faster than it takes a pig without a head to die!”

He quickly got up and gave them both a short hug before bolting out the door. It took only a second before Remy had flopped down even harder onto their friend. 

“only us now” 

Janus played with the tips of their hair “Nice and calm”

“I’m sorry. I’m feeling all gross and like uhghghg gross touching you ‘cause I’m all ghghghghg. Like I’ve barely been taking care of myself”

“Darling, I don’t mind. I am literally friends with Remus..Willingly!”

They chuckled “Truuue. Ugh girl I honestly can’t even like remember the last shower I took”

“I can help you” Janus blurted out without really thinking.

He went red immediately after. Remy stared at him before bursting out into scratchy giggles.

“Oh my gosh Janny!! You don’t gotta be so smooth! Girl!!”

“I meant I could help you over to the room!! Remus is probably going to get distracted by a squirrel or sidewalk liquid so you got plenty of time to shower”

“Aw you gonna carry me over? Like a pretty lil knight?” Remy teased “You been going to the gym or somethang- Oh girl!! You would look so good in like a tank top some gum shorts, maybe some legwarmers!!”

“I may not have gone to the gym, but I have gone over to Logie’s place so I suppose I can try”

Remy kept letting out happy lil giggles as Janus sat up and tried to find the way to lift them that would case them least pain. They ended up being lifted bridal style.

One of the lights had broken so there was only a soft shine in the bathroom. There was mold growing in the corner and Virgil had taken down the fire alarm so he could smoke while bathing. 

Janus sat them down on the edge of the bathtub before turning on the tap in the bath. The two of them awkwardly stared at each other for a little while before Jan turned around. They were blushing so hard the red went down to their neck.

“Girl I’m just sitting here” Remy commented while eyeing the apparent blushing “Whatcha got lil Jannnnnnnnie so nervous?”

When he turned back they sent him the most shit eating grin he’d ever seen. He tried to casually lean against the wall “I was simply looking at this horrendous collection of mold you have. Nearly stomach turning”

They shrugged “You get used to it” They did their best to hide how much their hands were shaking from the simply effort of pulling off their dress.

There were bruises around the wrists, along their right arm, their collarbones. Bruises like fingermarks across their ribs. Jagged scrapes went across their knees along with deeply purple marks. And Janus had to pretend like the injuries weren’t the only thing they could see. Like they weren’t feeling sick to their stomach.

Remy leant down to try and drag off their socks and Janus stumbled forward without even really meaning to “Do you want me to help? I recall you needing help with uh socks before”

He got a big eyed look in response “You remember that?”

“Of course”

Their mouth was just slightly agape “You remember having to help me with my freaking socks and yet you haven’t like triple blocked my number?”

"Do you want help with it?"

They kept staring at him with wide eyes as they shrugged. He leant down on one knee in front of them and gently slipped off the socks. When he glanced up at them they were still looking at him with tender awe.

"You wanna join me?" Remy asked.

"What? In hell?"

They snickered "Not yet you silly bitch. I meant join me in the bath. Only if you like feel comfy. No like- you don’t Need to. I just thought like you do so much for me, you also tots deserve a nice warm like bath"

Janus managed to not change heir expression aside from a twitch in their eyelid. Their voice was it’s normal silky tone as they said

"Well if you also feel comfortable with it I see no reason not to"

Their thoughts were going a bit like "AAAAH FUCK OH SHIT FUCK AH OKAY FUCK WOWOWOW AHHHHH"

Jan got up and turned away from them. He unbuttoned his shirt and laid it neatly by the sink. From the corner of his eye he could see the rest of his crush’s clothes having been thrown away. A splash came from the water as Remy got in. He didn’t dare to turn around.

He reminded himself that something like this didn’t have to be romantic!!! or sexual!!! He’d showered with Patty before when they’d had to hurry to a party!! And they were just friends!!! Remy meant nothing with this!! Nothing was going to happen!!! He was just being a lovestruck idiot!!! A fucking dumbass!!

“Girl!!” Remy let out a light laugh “That’s some cute ass undies”

“Logan bought them for me”

Remy leant their head back and cackled “Of course he did!! That’s so perfect!!”

A chill went up Janus’ back. For a moment the insecure thoughts they’d managed to work away months ago came flooding back in. As they slipped off their underwear all they could think about was Remy seeing them as ugly, undesirable, annoying.

He turned around to get into the bath and was met with Remy looking directly into his eyes. They’d made themself small by pressing their knees to their chest. but there was this huge smile on their lips and pure- well pure happiness? in their eyes. Janus couldn’t quite pin what exactly the look in their eyes meant. 

He made sure to keep his gaze at their face or higher as he sat down on the other side of the bath. It was small enough that the tips of their toes nearly touched.

“You just wanna get it like over with so we don’t gotta be all stale?” Remy asked.

Janus shrugged which they both took as a yes. For about 10 seconds they both looked the other up and down. Before Remy put on an overly serious expression and held out their hand. He shook it while nodding super seriously.

“Nice cook”

“Nice cook, elegant”

Their eyes met and they both burst out into laughter. All the insecurities seemed to wash away from Jan’s thoughts.

Remy tilted their head a little and smiled “You’re so pretty”

“Well so are you” Janus replied, just a bit flushed.

“No but really girl. I just- I just like adore the way your like body moves with you. Like all your skin and little like stretch marks and the way your thighs y’know. I think I could just watch you move for hours. The way your fat folds moved as you sat down, it was so. You’re so pretty. You’re mesmerizing. Look at me being so awestruck I’m churning out big words!! And you’ve got a fat ass too!!”

Jan put on a fake smug look “Well darling it just comes with being this glamorous”

“Girl!! true!! I got 0 glamour, that’s why I’m flat as fish fuck. Ugh. I feel fucking delirious just from like looking at you. It’s no wonder Loginson is all drooly over you if he gets to like be with you 24/7. It’s like winning the lottery”

They had this wonderfully glittering look in their eyes. Like a school kid giving their crush a flower during recess. Just pure bliss of being with their love.

“Ah yes. And unlike me being with you is like winning a trip to 24 hour long rollercoaster” He replied “That was complimentary, trust me” He took the shampoo on the counter and shook it around a little “Logan says I give great head rubbings. Little does he know it is because I got a bad cause of idiot sickness when I was younger and tried to do my own locs”

“Girl I get a bad cause of the idiot every time my eyes open” 

Remy sprayed water over their hair before leaning forward to let him rub the shampoo in. They leant their forehead against his knee. The movements of his fingers were so calming their eyes nearly closed.

“you know who else has fibro?” Remy yawned out.

“Jesus?”

“Lady gaga. She’s so coooool. I wish I could be like here. Like she can like sing and take photos and dance! And wear heels! And have nice skirts and a fat ass! And I can’t even like make a Caesar salad on my own”

“Darling I can’t make a Caesar salad either. I always get stuck on the bread bits. A primal parts of my brain take over and I have to nibble them all down like a horse on horse ketamine” Janus replied “Anyhow isn’t Ms. Lady of the Gaga on a lot more treatments than you are?”

“How would you know?”

“Deary mine you showed me her documentary. You can not win this debate. Not against a fellow gay who you have ranted about missus Gaga for at least 3 hours too”

“Well shit”

Remy moved their hand into a fist and jokingly slammed it into the water. They kept making rings in the water with their finger before hesitantly running their hand along Janus’ side, right up to his waist. They followed their finger along the creases in his skin, along the rolls in his fat.

“Move your head back dear” 

Janus murmured as he put his fingers under their chin to tilt their head back. He rinsed the shampoo out while they closed their eyes and relaxed their shoulders.

“You have much thicker hair than I imagined” Jan said “I like your new hairstyle, I believe I forgot to say that earlier”

“I wouldn’t call it a new hairstyle babe. Viv cuts my hair, we haven’t really had time to lately”

“It fits you, I think at least”

“......i dunno if long hair looks good on me”

“I think you could come out in a hairstyle directly from a 7 year old girl’s mind in 2004 and you would still look great”

Remy snorted “Oh girl trust me. I’ve been dating an emo for like 10 years. I’ve seen some hairstyles from 2004 and they ain’t pretty”

“But you are”

They looked at him before letting out a snorting laugh and pushing their palm right into his face while looking away.

“Oh wow. I show my true smooth self and I get a palm as a thanks” Janus teased back while putting his hand on top of their wrist.

“Please girl, it’s a gift that I’m still in the same room as you. That’s the true compliment” They shook the shampoo around “If you wanna I can do your hair for you. Just to be nice y’know”

Janus looked them up and down before squinting “Honey are you trying to assassinate my hair? I literally have 4c hair”

It took a moment before they dropped the shampoo right into the water “oh my gosh babe I’m a stupid bitch. I’m sorry”

He let up into a wonderful little smile that made their heart ache “It’s all good”

Remy leaned forward and put their arms around his shoulders. They looked up into his eyes and saw their own reflection “Thank you Janus”

“You know how much I love taking baths, a thanks is really not needed”

“No I mean...It really helped...I feel so ugly....I’m scared my hair getting longer makes me too look fem and you- and no guys I like will be attracted to me no more...and....and” Their voice wavered “..The bruises...”

Janus tilted his head and moved to stroke his thumb against their bruised skin “The bruises doesn’t change anything about you. They’re temporary, and according to Remus bruises look badass as hell. Actually now when I think about it I know several people who would describe bruises as quite enhancing of the features”

“And you’re supposed to be one of those people?”

“No. Though I do think the only ugly part of a bruise is how it appeared. I won’t speculate on how you got yours, but I will always be here to...well listen sounds cliche....I will always be here to kick your enemies down some stairs even if those enemies is your mental health and the stairs is a therapist’s office”

Remy let up into a weak smile “Janus, Will you kiss me?”

A wave of what felt like pure electricity went up through Janus’ entire body as they looked at him. His face instantly flushed into a soft pink and his entire brain got filled with ridiculously mushy fireworks and hearts.

“...You...Remy....Virgil...You’re still dating” Janus babbled out.

“I don’t wanna like force you into anything. We don’t have to. But if you want to kiss...I...I just want to feel a bit of...relief....a break from” They glanced down at their bruised wrists “From all of this”

“I- I do” It came out as a whisper “I do”

Janus cupped their cheeks and sent a warm look. They put their hands on top of his and tilted their head just a bit. He saw as they closed their eyes and parsed their lips. Saw how their shoulders tensed up in excitement. How small laugh lines became visible next to their eyes.

He leant in and kissed them.

It was a short one. A gentle one. Like the stroke of a soft feather against their lips. He had closed his eyes as well.

Janus moved back, still with his eyes closed. He tried to play casual but his entire body was shaking with excitement. His hands inevitable shot up to happy flap. He almost didn’t dare to open his eyes.

When he finally mustered up the courage to look at them he was met with Remy absolutely shining with pure happiness. A spark of electricity went up through their body and shot out into their arms. They reached out and took his hands.

“Your lips were even softer than I’d imagined” They murmured out, though they were so excited it came out much more high pitched than they meant to.

“I love you” Was all Janus could get out in response.

“I love you too!” Remy exclaimed “I swear Janny every time I like spend time with you I fell head over heels in love all over again. It is Wild!”

“I honestly thought I was talented with words but I can’t quite place what happens in my brain when I’m near you. I- You make me very Very Very dumb. And I like it......Do you want to kiss again...?”

“OMG! GIRL! YES!!”

They threw their arms even tighter around him and meet him in a kiss. He could feel how their lips drew into a grin. He moved his hands a bit farther up their back to make them inch closer. 

The two of them moved closed until Janus’ back was against the bathtub wall and Remy was sitting in their lap. Their arms hang off of the edge of the bath. Jan broke away from the kiss to press quick kisses to their cheeks which made them let up into soft giggles.

Remy leant their head against the crook of his neck and let their lips play against his skin. Janus noticed as their muscles seemed to tense up and their movements became more rigid.

A slight shake went up their back before they started to slowly grind their hips against his as they opened their legs more. He froze in place and couldn’t help but notice the way Remy had shut their lips into a tight line. The way their toes had curdled up.

“Dear, you-”

Remy shot their head back to look at him “Sorry. Did I like make you uncomfy?”

“No! Not at all darling. It was just glaringly obvious how...your mood suddenly shifted” He let his hand rest against their cheek “There is nothing we Have to do deary. Just because we reciprocate each other’s feelings or because we’re uhhh naked and in a bath or because we had our first kiss, we don’t have to do anything. I know whenever couple’s kiss for the first time on tv they always seem to have sex immediately afterwards! But!! That just means we would be incredibly counter culture if we didn’t fuck immediately! And that is even more sexy when you think about it!”

They kept their eyes down into the water “I’m sorry for ruining it”

“You didn’t ruin anything! We can continue if you want to.....Do you want to?”

Remy tried to say no but the word wouldn’t leave their mouth. They couldn’t even shake their head. It felt like someone was strangling them. They could feel the hands around their neck. It was so real. The fingers were digging in. The nails were leaving marks.

They managed to shrug.

“A maybe isn’t a yes” Was all Janus said as he gently moved them back from his lap.

Remy crossed their arms around themselfs and tried to hide most of their face in the water. “I dunno if I want you to look at me right now” They mumbled out.

Janus started to fumble with his thumbs “..Do you wish for me to uhm leave?”

They shrugged again so he grabbed a towel and got up from the bath. He looked away from them while quickly taking on his clothes.

“I don’t know why you suddenly want me to go but I will respect it either way. Don’t...drown ?”

The moment they left the bathroom they could hear bonking followed by maniacal laughter coming from the kitchen. Remus was banging a rolling pin against a lump of dough.

“Oh hey J-anus!” He exclaimed “Finally got done with sealing away demons in the sink eh?”

“The pile of giant laundry taunted me until I helped Remy clean up. That’s all” They swiftly lied back while crossing their arms.

“C’mooonn now. You can’t lie like that to a fellow kinky hair haver. You’ve been bathing. I can see it”

Janus let out a string of muffled words that were completely unhearable.

“It’s oookkkKAy” He said while taking ahold of their hands. He pulled them along in a sort of shimy dance “I’m no teller” He actually winked “Now come here. I need your big soft librarian muscles!”

They fake sighed before going along with kneading out the dough. Remus kept pulling out weirder and weirder shaped vegetables from the shopping bag all while complimenting them on their ‘graceful kneading’.

His grin was way too big as he got to sharpen the kitchen knife. He was just about to stab the first onion when a metallic thud rang through the apartment. Followed by a muffled whimper.

The two of them shared a quick glance before abandoning everything to go over to the bathroom. Remus pressed his ear against the door and held his hand on the doorknob.

“Beanie? You good?”

“Yeah- Yeah all good- Sorry- I’m sorry” They were audibly choking back tears.

Remus opened the door just a little and glimpsed inside. Remy was laying on the floor with a towel hastily tied around their waist. Their knee was red from hitting against the bathtub.

“Sorry. I just- unstable legs. Yknow like- like” They forced a smile “Like jelly or whatever people say! I just got too excited about finally not being a grimy gross thing! Just fell a little! It’s fine! I can- I can walk and like fix it all myself! You can go whenever you want- You know that right? Whenever! I- I-”

Remus hunched down in front of them and leant his forehead against theirs. He wiped away a tear at the edge of their eye. Their shoulders were shaking.

“I’m sorry. You can leave. It’s okay. I’m sorry”

All Remy could think about was the times they’d called out to Virgil for help. His annoyed looks and harsh touches. His nearly constant rolling of the eyes or sighs and when they tried to apologize he would just shrug it off and say it was nothing. Until he let out a muttered insult. And then another. And another. until they wished they’d just rotted away in there so they didn’t have to be an annoying selfish burden of a useless problem who needs attention all the time and who only ever drain the energy of othERS AND OH GOD EVERYONE WAS GOING TO LEAVE THEM. JANUS AND REMUS WAS GOING TO REALIZE HOW HORRIBLE THEY ARE AND THEY HADN’T EVEN BEEN ABLE TO GIVE JANUS PLEASURE SO THEY MUST WANT TO LEAVE AND-

And Remus hugged them while Janus calmly unplugged the bath and picked up their clothes.

“You don’t need to say sorry Beanie. Y’know Ro gets so dramatic during every one of her periods she makes me get her like everything. You have literally seen how much caring I need while balls deep in a psychosis episode. This is nothing. Unless you’ve been affected by an alien and you’re legs are literally turning jello and you’re about to start floating down the drain pipe”

“I’m sorry”

“No! No! Beanie! This is just an opportunity for me to flex my super sexy macho muscles while helping you up!! This is only positive!! Because of this I’m gonna get so strong I’m gonna punch all the zombies when the apocalypse starts! Now c’mon”

Remus put his arm around their shoulders and let them lean against his side as he stood up. They kept looking down into the floor the entire time. Janus followed along as they went out into the living room.

He held his head close against theirs and whispered “I know that guilt. We’re not burdens, I promise. Beside now i get to honk honk”

He stared directly into his eyes as he reached out and pretended to honk their shoulder blade. It managed to get a small smile from them.

“Well! I got a kitchen to burn! Jannie? Could you-”

“Yes of course” They quickly stepped in and let Remy lean against them.

Jan led them into the bedroom and helped them down on the bed. The enby sighed and pulled up a wrinkled dress from one of the piles of unclean laundry on the floor.

The weight of the bed shifted while they put it on. They felt Janus lean his head against their spine. His fingers absentmindedly fibbled with the end of the skirt.

“I didn’t dislike the kiss” Remy mumbled out “I just had to like take a sec....I wasn’t ready for you to like not want to...not want to...get something in...return” 

“Darling mine, a kiss is already enough. I don’t need anything more than being with you. Besides it’s good. We shouldn’t- It wouldn’t- You and Virgil seem to be very- slightly- a bit codependent and I would feel horrible at best and incredibly manipulative at worst if i somehow worsened that. I don’t think it would be healthy for either of us to attempt to date or have any sort of sexual relationship before you and Virgil have departed ways and you’ve met this lovely thing called professional help”

They could feel his lips grace against their skin as he spoke. Their hand searched around behind them until they felt his warmth. They held onto his hand ever so lightly.

“I’m sorry. If you dare say ‘it’s okay’ another fucking time Girl I’m gonna bite something!”

They could literally feel the sly smile Janus got “Oh honey I’m not against some biting. Vampire affection and all that”

“Girl!! Shut up!! Jasus!!”

They rolled their eyes while biting their tongue to keep back a laugh. Janus moved his free arm around their waist and butted his forehead jokingly against their neck.

“There’s that usual Remy tone”

“High pitched and annoying?”

“High pitched, annoying and lovely”

They leant their head back and looked at him “Can’t we just kiss? Ain’t gotta date just ‘cause we kiss”

Janus hesitated before cracking up into a shining grin and kissing them. 

He laid down against the sheets and let Remy cuddle up on top of him. They twirled one of his locs between their fingers while kissing him.

“I’ve never kissed anyone except for Virgil before” Remy murmured out.

“Really? I hope I wasn’t a disappointment then”

“Nah girl. Don’t ya worry. This is like your first non Logie kiss as well right?”

Janus slowly blinked “Not really. I have” He started to count on his fingers.

“GIRL???? You gotta think this long???? Have I been hanging around a player all this time without knowing??????? JANISTER????”

“I think you underestimate how many parties Logan and Patty go to. He likes to bring me with them okay. I’m not against some mingling. Some flirting even! Gasp! I know! How mischievous of them!”

Remy let out a shrill laugh “oh hun I wish like every day could be like this. Just me and my JanJan and my fellow Rem”

Janus nearly held back his words “And Virgil?”

They didn’t respond.

He tried to break the sudden silence “On second thought I think it’s really good you turned me down. I’ve never been with someone with chronic pain before so if you would be fine with it I would like to hear what you and- what you do to prevent pain during intimacy”

Remy squinted at them “......uhhh like...like nothing...???”

“Excuse me?” They waved their hands around “I mean I suppose that feeling pain could be a positive thing during sex even for those with chronic pain! I don’t judge!”

“No! Not like that! I just- Me and Viv haven’t talked about it” They shrugged.

“You haven’t discussed....how not to cause you pain during pleasure acts? Honey I can get the same kind of pains a person would get after a workout the morning after I have done anything. I am unsure if your body is capable to go through that kind of physical activity without triggering some kind of serious pain. Deary I’m so sorry”

“It’s just like a thing that happens in relationships y’know!! Like I just kinda take it and like try to hide my whimpers and stuff to not like ruin the mood so he doesn’t like get annoyed and I try to like hold on so I don’t gotta stop in the middle like very time, and then it’s like over. I’ve never really thought it matters how I enjoy it. It’s just good for when you gotta end a fight or like make him happy or whatever”

Janus held back a grimace “My love, We can leave. Just a reminder. Even if Remus is cooking right now, if you want to leave we Will leave”

“My head hurts whenever I think of him. Everything hurts. Can’t we just go join Remus? I...It hurts”

He pressed a soft kiss to the bruise next to their eye “Of course”

Remus had finished up both the empanada dough and filling. He was putting the filling into the dough and sealing it up all prettily. His movements were slow and his eyes were staring off at the wall.

When he heard their steps, or well Janus steps since they were carrying Remy, he turned and slowly waved at them “dissociating. Dunno why....not in an upset like way so....so don’t like worry”

The smell of Oswald’s axe cologne still lingered around the kitchen from his last visit. As well as the slight smell of ketamine and rohypnol. It wasn’t prominent enough to make Remus notice it but enough to make his subconscious flight response fire up.

Remy sat down on the kitchen floor as Janus asked Remus to show them how to make the empanadas. They took over and let Remus sit down on the floor as well to rest up.

Him dissociating made Remy dissociate as well. Janus had a slight smile on their lips the entire time as he listened to the two of them groggily telling stories to each other. It was all slow downed and interrupted with both of them giggling and gasping at almost everything.

He only stopped babbling with his bestie when Jan needed to know how long the empanadas should stay in the oven. He proceeded to drag Remy out into the living room.

When Janus came out with a plate overfilled with the finished empanadas the Rems had built a blanket fort around the sofa and had put on some incredibly cheesy movie from the 90′s. Most of the dissociation had disappeared as the touch of the soft blankets were really grounding.

They both dragged Janus into the fort. Remus did a whole monologue about welcoming them into the super secret Frightening Fearful Fort. 

Remy kissed both of their cheeks “Thanks babes for the food!!!”

Jan and Remus kissed them on each of their cheeks at the same time “You’re welcome darling” “You can pay me back in blood, Worm!!” 

Remy used Jan’s tummy as a pillow and let the rest of their body stretch out between his legs. They ate while the movie played. Every now and again they would sneak kisses though Remus just made hand fisted jokes whenever he saw them.

“Awww you lil gross love birbs are sooo cute and disgusting!” Remus awed out while pouting and tilting his head “Now I gotta give 20 dollars to Ro though. She betted you def had a thing going on and I just kept saying we were all just friends”

“We are!” Remy exclaimed back.

“Friends can kiss! I have kissed Patty and we are only platonic friends and steppartners in law!”

Remus started to vibrate “Does that mean you can kiss meeeee? We can send food waste to each others mouths via tongue????”

For some reason Remy and Janus glanced at each other before both shrugging and nodding.

“GaBablaghafucgha” Was the literal noise Remus got out as he for once blushed.

He waved his hands around and tried to hide his red face by pulling his t-shirt over his head.

“Girl we weren’t gonna all sudden kiss you”

“I know!!!” 

Just the thought of it actually happening had sent him into a flustered mess. Just daydreaming about it made him melt. He couldn’t handle this. 

“AHHH! SlEEP! It IS SLEEPING TIME!! Or else the uhhhh night goblins and the Mean non blue ghosts will come and uhhh devour us and rip out our calcium!!! C’mon!! C’mon!!! SleeEEP!” Remus blurted out to distract from his flushed cheeks.

“You are really inviting yourself into Remy’s bed like that. Rude. Unclassy even. No manners” Janus tsked.

“Bitches I’mma cold ass fucker. I need my two babes warming me up!!”

“YAYAYAYA!”

They all left the dishes and blanket fort for tomorrow. Jan and Remy both quietly reassured their friend that he could leave the bed at any time if being so close to them made him uncomfortable.

None of them bothered to change their clothes. They all just piled up into the bed. Janus was dragged into the middle for cuddle reasons. The Rems curdled up on him from both sides. Remy stole another kiss.

“Goodnight babes!” “Goodnight darlings” “Goodnight sleep tight don’t let the cowboys bite!”

It took a little while to fall asleep because they kept mumbling out silly little half finished sentences and jokingly kicking at each other under the blanket, but once they did fall asleep it was the first time in several months that any of them had slept as peaceful as they did.

--

Remy woke up in the early mornings. Their body was already tensed up before their eyes had opened. But as soon as they heard Janus’ calm snoring they calmed down.

He was half laying on top of them with his arms closely spun around them. His cheek was smoshed against the top of their head. He looked so happy even with his eyes closed and drool going down his chin.

They could have probably stayed there enjoying the moment until he woke up if it wasn’t for Remus being gone from the bed. He must have tucked the blankets around them closer before he left.

The door to the living room was slightly open, letting in a streak of dim morning light. They could see Remus sitting on the couch with his back against them. They bit the inside of their cheek while thinking.

Remy looked over to the corner of the room and began to whisper “Watchers? You here? Should I like go join Rem? I mean maybe he just like woke up at a reasonable time?? or maybe he like left ‘cause he was uncomfy and it would be super rude of me to intrude????? Ugh. Why does having friends gotta be so complicated. Girl help!”

〚Hi thanks for reading all this. i just wanted to drop in and say that in the original idea for this mini fic remus wasnt there. it was bc of an ask from Snail that he was added and as you can imagine a lot of scenes changed and were added. if y’all ever wonder how much y’alls asks change things. Also i think some people have been away from the blog for a lil bit bc of exams so i hope this mini fic can sit here as a sort of present for when you come back from winning over those darn exams <3 〛

[kierancampire]

I am close to giving this cat up. From the moment i got her she has been nothing but stress and caused me to breakdown twice. I love her to death and i am grateful she is in my life. But i am just not the person for her i think and i just am reaching my limit. But if i give her up not only will she need to go with her sister, so i lose them both, but I'd worry Coraline couldn't recover, she doesn't like other people

She is fine healthwise, doesn't have worms, she isn't starving or underweight, and i constantly play with her and keep her stimulated. Yet these past few weeks (they've had a food change due to financial issues) she has been awful with food and i just cannot take it any more. Every single time i feed them i am having to relentlessly fight Coraline as she will not give up trying to eat her sisters food. Every single meal. This can go on for a few hours depending how slow Ember eats. She doesn't listen to me, never stops, every meal is just me now fighting her. But she's even started it again now where even when i am eating, no matter how much i tell her no, remove her, move her, anything, she will not stop trying to literally walk on my plate or persistently get to my food. Every single time i eat. I can tell her off 20 times in a single meal. And now this. This is the third time now she has opened her food boxes and started going for the food in about a week. But i don't have anywhere else to put their food, i don't have tons of space or storage options. I also don't have the money to keep wasting on food because she keeps tearing into 8 packets, and them going bad. I don't have the money for it.

Just nothing gets through to this cat. Some of the issues she has i have been telling her off for since i got them. That's been almost a year of telling her off repeatedly for the same thing. Nothing. And like i said here, it isn't just that she's ignoring 1 no, but listens to the second no. It's that i can literally tell her off for something 50 times in an hour, yet she still will not stop. I just can't cope with the stress she causes in her destruction and persistent behaviours. I have never had an animal that never listens to me or is seemingly so hell bent on making me miserable like this cat. I have done everything i can for her, i have changed so much, provided so much, tried to be so consitant. Yet nothing. It's like I've done nothing. I don't know who or what this cat needs, but clearly I'm not it and it hurts to admit that. But i have done everything i can, yet I've gotten nowhere with this cat. I am so sick of telling her off literally all day every day, i just wanna love and reward her and show her how much i care for her, but nothing works. Nothing gets through to her. She has been particularly awful again these past few weeks, non-stop, and i just can't cope with it. She does not stop.

[sweetdreamsjeff]

Mik's Story

Just drink this and then I'll go... The words kept ringing in my head and a vague picture of a beautiful, exotic temptress pushing the wine glass to my side of the table appeared before my eyes. I recalled how I vainly tried to take my eyes off her and her long, black velvet hair, while a hand that apparently was mine moved towards the glass. "It's lilac wine", she added ever so gentle as the first divine drops of this mysterious liquid poured like soft rain down my throat. "Give me more, give me more..." I pleaded with her, but I doubt that she ever heard it since the next thing I knew was everything turning black, the world spinning round, seemingly forever, and a desperate urge of wanting to know why everything was so hazy came to my blurred mind.

It must have been a dream, I said to myself when I awoke, but I wasn't sure if the dream still was in command of me. I wanted to open my eyes to find out where I was, but something else got in the way of that wish. Something... painful. I managed to locate the pain to the upper part of my body and even though I found it painfully hard to breathe, it took a while to realize that it came from my neck. Within seconds my hands were fumbling in the area and they gave me the interesting information that it was a guitar string being tied to my neck that caused this dreadful pain. A qiuck glance around me confirmed this assumption. There it was, my new Yamaha acoustic, with a string missing. An "058 E string, I thought to myself as my eyes followed its way to the neck.

At last I was able to loose its grip somewhat, giving me a chance to breathe again. I took a deep breath and got up from the ground on shaky knees, grabbed the guitar and gee, did I wish I had four arms, because there was also my old guitar lying on the ground and there's nothing like writing songs on two guitars.

When I finally could pay attention to other questions, such as where I had woken up, I discovered the answer was a strange place. A field, a green field, and I don't know how it could have escaped my mind, but the field was packed with people. Some of them were sitting on blankets, others running back and forth in the most annoying and irrational manners over the ground. I turned my head to see the sky and saw not just a burning yellow sun, but also that the air was full of objects flying around, objects very much resembling of kites of all shapes and colours. The Kite Festival. I was pleased with my logical powers still being intact. Especially one kite made a more lasting impression: the biggest one of them all, looking like an angel, but with black feather wings unfurled, majestically sweeping over the clear blue sky. As this kite at one point came closer to me, I discovered that the angel in fact looked like someone I knew, or someone I thought I knew. I just couldn't figure out who it was.

I thought I'd solved the mystery, "it's Je...", when I felt the presence of someone standing close to me. The sound of a heavy breathing reached my ears and I wondered where it came from. I quickly turned around and there stood a guy in his twenties, in a dirty, muddy t-shirt, eating something that looked like... worms. Filled with disgust I stumbled backwards, still with the guitar in my arms and the string loosely attached to my neck, as if I was carrying a yoak. The guy just kept staring at me like I was crazy or something, chewing those worms that he picked from a can of glass. At the time it didn't even occur to me that he could very well have been responsible for the murder attempt.

"What are you staring at?" I said, but I instantly regretted the harsh tone in my voice. He didn't answer. He just kept staring. Suddenly he raised his hand and without thinking I threw myself to the ground for cover. But his fist never hit my body.

"Look", he said instead, pointing at the sky.

He then tried to say something else, but since he had his mouth full I couldn't hear a single word. I lied down on my back and looked where he was pointing at and there it was again, the big kite of an angel, now so close to us it seemed to fill up the whole sky.

"It'sch Scheff Buchkley!", he said, no he *screamed* it out, and out flew also a handful of worms from his mouth. The guy was not kidding. It was Him. And He came closer. Very much closer. In fact, before I realized it the kite was so close that it was all over me, covering my body from head to toe.

A minute later, when I got out of the state of shock this had caused, I managed to raise from the ground and the kite fell off me. But I wasn't completely released from it because its strings were now in some obnoxious way attached to my left foot. Oh well, I thought, there is probably a hidden meaning in this too, and I didn't think about it any more. Then my eyes spotted a girl running towards us, holding what appeared to be the other end of that string. She had funny looking hair and a troubled look on her face as if she was carrying all the world's misfortunes on her shoulders.

"Hey, I know who she is", whispered the guy with the worms. "She's a looney. I'm out of here! To Texas!".

I turned around only to see him crawling away on all fours, accompanied by a couple of angst-ridden oinks. Despite his unpleasant behaviour, I had actually begun to like the guy, maybe...I just didn't know him at all. I was, however, glad I would never wind up like him.

"what have you done to the kite?"

It was the girl's voice, performed in a dialect I'd only heard in movies before.

"Eh... I don't know", I replied, very confused as I was. Now I expected to hear some vicious curses coming out of the young girl's mouth, but she surprised me again.

"do you play guitar?", she asked, now in a surprisingly sweet southern voice.

"Well, in fact I've learned some songs from this Michael dude". I felt more assured now and I also remembered what I was supposed to do this day.

"And I'm going to Melbourne. For a session. That's why I'm carrying this guitar. I just need to buy a new string, because someone wanted to tie this one to my neck."

I wanted to reach out a hand to greet her, but then I came to think of that I didn't have four hands either, so I just threw out a "Hello, who are you?" at her.

"--i'm an artist. and life sucks", she said, spitting out the words as if they were chews of a rotten apple. Then she went on talking. I didn't understand much of what she was saying, but it made me interested and I got the impression that she was heading north.

"why don't you play some music for me now?" she said at the end of her speech.

Somehow I did seem to forget the dysfunctional state I was in - it suddenly felt like a natural thing to do. I lifted the guitar up, and started strumming. I sent a grateful thought to the person who tried to kill me for his choosing of a string you can do without in emergency cases, and threw myself into "Lover, you should've come over". D C Em. Beginning careful and smooth, I seemed to get strength from God only knows where, and my voice and guitar playing got louder and louder, still preserving all the sensitive anger and longing I had built into the song. My eyes were closed for most of the time, but when I opened them I saw that my audience had grown drastically from one person to a big crowd, all listening in solemn silence. This gave me even more powers and I felt like anything was possible. Which turned out to be true. While singing "sometimes a man gets carried away" a strong wind seemed to come blowing from under my feet, and it pushed me up in the air. My feet left the ground and with a little help from the kite that was unfolding, I started to float.

Still singing the song, I floated higher and higher, passing trees and some angry birds looking suspiciously at me - then there was the moon asking me to stay and even an angelic choir singing hallelujah. "It's not too late" I cried out and I meant it. I thought of all the good that life had given me - the Jeff Buckley records, the JB mailing list, the JB homepage... I thought of the Melborne people and of poor Ange, the smurfette, wondering if I could even steer this thing to Adelaide to pick her up on the way - I would just have to look for those toadstools. I thought of the lovely Meg and the kite girl, who I wished would not feel so miserable, and of the dumb Swede who turned crazy and by now was a patient at the JB rehab center, deliriously imagining being Yngwie Malmsteen, and of everyone else that meant something to me, all the disciples on the list, and then I didn't think much more, because for the second time this day everything turned black and only moments later I found myself hitting the ground.

As I was now balancing on the very verge of consciousness, I've only been told afterwards by St Peter what my last words on Earth was, but apparently I'd been praising Jeff Buckley as the reborn Jesus, pleading with Him to forgive me for my wordly sin-e, I seem to have spoken incoherent of a creativity crisis - that it took Him just a week to die, go to heaven and come back to earth, but some 2000 years to get a record out, and then, just before I passed away, embracing the starry infinity over my head with the grace of a lover, I uttered a plea: I know it's over, this is my last goodbye... I'm not afraid to go but it goes so slow...

Apparently there was something else I had to do before entering eternal life. Could I have remembered my father's voice as I was about to go? ("When you're standing at the pearly gates, boy, and you think of all the things you've done and haven't done...what will you say?"). I must have known there was something urgent I had to say as a final wish and that was: unsubscribe me from the JB list... please...

~written by Mikael Hols

[so-you-melted-22]

i’m reading some of my old writing and fuck is it weird!!! who writes in a past-first-person?! why did i do that?! it’s not even that the general ideas behind the stories are weird, it’s just that i couldn’t even fucking write semi-okay dialouge wich makes everything seem so unpersonal and distant!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

[its-nebula]

Discovering S/O's Narcolepsy

You were in the library with him, helping him pick out books.

He was talking to you about which ones he preferred, and which ones were "atrocious garbage".

"And please, S/O, make sure you don't bring me any more romance novels this time."

You rolled your eyes and went to the Historixal Fiction section, when all of a sudden you started to yawn. You huffed as you tried to fight it, but slowly, your eyelids started to close.

You suddenly felt as if you hadn't slept in weeks, and before you knew it, your eyes had completely shut, and you quickly went to sleep.

When you woke up, you slowly opened your eyes to see your head on your boyfriend's lap, his light blue eyes scanning the page of the book in front of his face as he held you close. And you were sitting on a beanbag? He never sits in those!

"Next time, warn somebody about your condition before you make somebody have a heart attack."

His eyes never even left the words on the oage, but you could tell he'd been concerned about you.

After you walked through the door, you set your bag down and smirked at Chihiro. You asked if he was up for a game.

"Of course! I'll be right back, let me get settled in first."

As he went into his room, you picked out a game the two of you would enjoy. Mario Kart seemed like a good option for now! You started to boot up the game, when all of the sudden you felt the familiar drowsiness.

Looks like you forgot to take your medication again. Still, you didn't want to ruin your time with Chihiro, so you fought to stay awake.

Once he came back and you two started to play, you could feel yourself starting to doze off.

"Come on, S/O! You're starting to fall behind and...huh?"

He looked to see you were sleeping soundly, and he couldn't help the way his heart melted as you just looked so cute while sleeping. He was a little surprised, of course, but he ultimately paused the game and scooted over so that you could sleep across his lap, as he started to pet your hair.

As soon as you woke up, you saw Chihiro's smiling face, and you immediately felt guilty, explaining you had Narcolepsy.

"You don't need to apologize to me! You looked like a little angel to me. But promise me you'll take your meds, okay?"

You two were studying.

You couldn't focus, as you kept rubbing your eyes and yawning. You tried your hardest to tell Nagito you were fine, but he wasn't believing it for a second.

"I'm sorry to disagree with you, S/O, but something just tells me you haven't been getting enough sleep and- huh?!"

You collapsed on to the desk, knocked out. His eyes widened in surprise as he tried to shake you.

"S/O? Are you alright?"

He was relieved to see you were just sleeping, but he was still concerned. Not knowing what else to do, he slowly pulled you off the table and into his arms, so you could at least be comfortable.

He carefully looked up the symptoms on his phone.

"Narcolepsy, huh?"

He looked at how peaceful you looked, and sighed.

"I'll let you rest now, My Hope, but you better explain when you wake up..."

You and Gundham were playing with the Devas.

You gave Maga-Z a sunflower seed, and turned to Gundham, asking for more.

As he left to find more, you pet Maga-Z on the head, but you were surprised to find that you'd started seeing hallucination around you. You tried to blink to get rid of them, but you swore you witnessed San-D turn into a fox.

Before you knew it, you were face down on the floor, causing the Devas to panic.

"It appears I may need to purchase more- S/O?!"

The Devas start squeaking, and he's panicking. Chickens squwak from the next room over, and dogs bark. Chaos ensues.

Luckily, you wake up before he can start perform a ritual to wake you up again. He immediately rushes to your side, asking if you're alright. You explain to him about your Narcolepsy.

"I see. So what you're saying is, the Gods have cursed you with a dastardly sleeping sickness?!"

Something like that, Gundham.

San-D brings you your medication from your bag and everyone calms down.

He was a little sleepy himself while eating dinner with you.

"So anyways, you'll never guess what Tenko said to me after that! She totally... eh?"

He noticed how your eyes started to close and he rolled his eyes.

"So what, you're mocking me? Reeeeaaal funny, S/O! You know I sork hard being with D.I.C.E all day long, YOU'RE SO MEAN!"

Before he starts his crocodile tears, you're already asleep. He pokes you with his fork to make sure you're actually asleep.

By the time you wake up, you immediately recognize you're in Kokichi's bedroom, and he's laying down next to you, seemingly out of breath.

"Yeah...I carried you...heh, more like dragged...anyways, goodnight, Sleeping Beauty!"

He nuzzles his head into the crook of your neck. You decide it's best not to question it, and happily snuggle next to him.

He'd walked over to your house as you requested. He has a spare key, so he can go in and out as he pleases.

When he saw you not moving on the floor, he let out a very high pitched squeak, probably one that most humans can't hear.

Immediately, he checks your pulse and your heart, and he's relieved to see you're still breathing.

You syart to wake up, and he blushes when he realizes just how close he is to you.

"Y-You scared me! I thought you-"

You cut him off and guiltily apologized for scaring him, explaining your Narcolepsy to him.

He breathed a long sigh of relief, smiling.

"Take your meds, S/O. Don't scare me like that!"

Looking for bugs in a nearby field.

You watched as Gonta happily pranced around, looking at every catepillar and worm that he could possibly see.

Unfortunately, despite the sun shining in your dace, you got drowsy. So drowsy, in fact, that you collapsed in the field.

"S/O! Gonta think that he found silver beetle!"

He turned around to show you, but you were nowhere to be found. He frowned, and started to look in the spot that you were just in.

"S/O...?"

His eyes widened to see you sleeping, and he gasped. Without thinking, he picked you up and quickly ran back to the car, carefully placing you inside. When your eyes opened, all you saw was Gonta's panicked face.

"DID S/O GET HURT BY BUG?! S/O ALLERGIC TO BEES? WHY NOT TELL GONTA?!"

You calmly explained that you'd just fallen asleep, and that you were tired.

"Oh... S/O nap in car then! Gonta will bring back pretty bugs for S/O to look at when he's finished!"

You take a nap in the car, thankful to have such a loving boyfriend.

[scuttle-buttle]

Chapter 11

WC: 2077

Rated: E

Chapter Tags: full on angst, discussions of emotional trauma, mild depictions of blood/gore, mentions of self h*rm & su*cide, mentions of child abuse, discussions of physical disabilities, institutionalization, some dialogue & plot canon to TV show, hurt/comfort

🧠

The rest of the conference went by much like the first day did. Both you and Laszlo bought a few books for your collections. An ease had settled over your conversations with the help of Sara and John's presence; you spoke more freely with each other. You tell yourself it is not because he's going soft on you or vice versa, but rather that you have found yourself in this imaginary bubble where you happen to get on well. It's inevitable that it will pop once you’re back at school and Laszlo will revert back to his usual callous state.

Laszlo. It still felt odd to think of him like that, rather than by his title. You couldn't lie, it gave you a sort of thrill. Even in your dreams you had only called him by his honorific. Thankfully you didn't have another dream after Friday. You couldn't escape the feeling that you'd said something incriminating in front of the man in question. So you chose to pretend it didn't happen.

Monday morning came and you headed to the train station. Once again he had secured a private cabin for the journey. This time you came prepared with a book since you had yet to replace your broken phone.

"Thank you again for inviting me to this, I really enjoyed myself. It was really nice of the department to foot my travel expenses, the hotel was really fancy. I may have helped myself to a mini-bottle or two," you joked.

"There is no need to worry about the department's finances; they were not involved."

You pause. He paid for you? Laszlo did say he would take care of the arrangements; but the four-star hotel, the private compartment train tickets, the admission to the conference, and every meal? Shit, that must have been a fortune, hundreds of dollars at least.

You don't know what to say, so you settle for an awkward "oh." A moment passes before you add "I appreciate that, um, I can pay you back. Might take some time but I can."

The professor is flippant in his reply. "There is no need, it was well spent for the research and knowledge acquired." He opens his book signaling the conversation is over.

You lick your lips. Fine then, I'll just consider it payment for emotional suffering and damages of the last eight weeks.

The first few hours of the journey were spent reading one of the new books you picked up at the convention. Occasionally you would peek over the pages at the professor. He was engrossed in his own selection; sometimes he would pause to write down a thought.

Around the seventh hour of your journey you had given up on reading anymore in favor of looking at the fields outside. The silence was comforting.

Laszlo had trouble concentrating on the book in his hand. He saw you as a conundrum. One minute you could be sociable and teasing with your comments, then next you were biting at his throat with your quick wit and fierce ideals. He decides that he wants to know what made you into who you are today. Now is as good a time as any.

His eyes on you cause a tingle up your spine but you ignore it. Laszlo breaks the silence; "may I ask a personal question?"

"You just did," you answer, still peering out of the large window. He huffed once, amused. At his following silence you face him. You raise your eyebrows to signal him to go on with his question. Curiosity grows at the thought of what he intends to ask.

"Twice now you have made implications of a traumatic past," he begins.

Bubble popped.

Interrupting, you snark "is this the part where you psychoanalyze me, doc? Because trust me, I've been through enough of that." You pick at the lint on your jeans.

Laszlo tries to choose his words more carefully the next time he speaks. "What I mean to say is, the first afternoon in the classroom where you defended that student you implied you had been witness to a trauma. You then displayed signs of anger and embarrassment before leaving prematurely. Yesterday you mentioned having entered a psychiatric facility. As an alienist I can't help but find myself curious about your experiences."

You slide your eyes to meet his from across the cabin. Your face is devoid of any emotion. "We all have our demons. Even you can't argue with that."

Your jaw clenches. Everyone had warned you. They all said he would try to worm his way into your head to figure you out. All the reviews, the gossip, everything. It was a big fat 'I told you so'. You give a pitiful laugh at the situation. "You know, everyone told me that you would pull this stunt."

He seems confused by your statement. "And what is that?"

"That you'd get inside my head and try to figure me all out or whatever. You already know I googled you beforehand, what everyone says about your methods. By now I assume you've done a little research yourself. I promise you there is nothing exciting here," you scoff and point to yourself.

"You would be correct in your assumption." You chew at your cheek as he starts. "I do know some of what happened in your past. Yet I also know that society likes to dilute the truth into something either more palatable, more entertaining, for people to consume greedily. What I want to know is what you have faced. How you have not allowed the experience to overcome you so much so that your humanity is erased like the characters I lecture on."

Eyes closing of their own volition you are thrown back in time to that night so many years ago. You didn't talk about it anymore. Bitsy knew of course, but that was the extent.

Laszlo waits. He knows this is likely to push you over the edge if your history with him means anything. Quite frankly, anyone would be tossed to their limit at his interrogation had they gone through what you had. John always told him that he needed to work on his bedside manner; that he had a habit of coming on too strong in his pursuit of learning the intricacies of the human mind. But your earlier comment about being sent to a so-called 'nuthouse' rubbed him the wrong way. It left a bad taste in his mouth. He needed to know. He needed to understand.

Laszlo can imagine the reprimand that he would receive from John and Sara for this. Just as he considers apologizing for his intrusion you open your eyes.

"She was fine. None of us suspected anything was wrong. I came home from having dinner with some… boy, and she had locked herself in the bathroom. She- she must have started over the sink and moved to sit on the side of the tub. She was hunched inside it when I got the door open. I pulled her out. Blood was… everywhere." Your voice is clinical as you explain.

"After, I shut down. So I checked myself into a psych ward a few days later when I couldn't get the feel of her blood off my hands. It's slippery, you know. And it smells. You wouldn't think so but it does." You clear your throat. "I did the therapy, took the meds they prescribed, all the standard treatments. Later I started watching true crime documentaries. I'd heard about exposure therapy so I figured the more I saw the gore, the less the image of my dead roommate would bother me. And it did help. The nightmares stopped after a while, I came back to school. I was better, just not the same.” You had watched the passing landscape as you explained. Turning to face him you speak again. “That's why those pictures didn't bother me. They weren't anything I hadn't seen before."

He contemplates you. The discovery and subsequent loss of your friend in this manner would no doubt cause lingering effects to your psyche. A stain that would forever remind you. "I offer my sincerest condolences. I do not presume to know what that would be like to experience, but I am glad you sought help afterwards. To make the choice to alleviate yourself of your own suffering where possible.”

As he says this he realizes that your anger towards the idea of being enslaved to unconscious impulse makes perfect sense. It explains why you focused so much energy on defending your belief in free will. That you have the power to choose how you carry your joy, your anger, your healing. It reminds him of how he held onto his own guilt and hurt, ignoring how it festered within him for so long. He feels as though he needs to share a piece of himself with you.

“I played piano as a child, quite well too. My mother hoped I would someday make a career of it. I vividly remember playing Mozart’s Concerto for Piano No. 20 in D Minor at a holiday party when I was seven years old. It was my favorite to play.... It requires two hands." You finally look at him. "My father...” He pauses to gather himself.

Now it is the doctor that cannot meet your eyes. As you listen you feel your confusion grow. How could he have been a talented pianist if he only had full use of his left hand? Unless..., the realization dawns on you just as he continues, his words slow.

“My father had two sides. One loving and the other brutal, the two often coexisting. It was something as trivial as putting me to bed, I recall... A game of tug of war. We were laughing…” He inhales a sharp breath. Already you can feel the tears begin to blur your vision. “I don't remember if he was drunk or if I said something that offended him. He must have pulled my arm behind my back.” Laszlo exhales shakily. “In small children, fractures can often affect…” he trails off, unable to finish. You can hear how he barely holds himself together.

Your heart aches for the broken man that sits in front of you. He never let on how much his arm bothered him, at least not within your presence. Suddenly you don’t see him as this rude, insufferable, obsessive man, but instead as someone that spends his life trying to protect himself. He projects his own anger and hurt so that he may, just for a minute, forget about his own demons. He wants to help others even when he feels he cannot bear to help himself.

But unlike you, he has to live with the physical reminder of his past every day of his life.

You stand and move to sit on his right side. Before allowing yourself to think too much of your actions, you place your hand atop his own, curling your fingers around his palm and squeezing delicately. You don’t bother wiping away the tears on your cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Laszlo;” the whisper is barely heard above the sound of the train. A second passes where you fear you have overstepped and offended him by touching the affected limb. When his thumb tightens against the backs of your fingers you know he is not. He holds you in place.

“You asked me how I kept my humanity. How does anyone really? We learn to take what we get and we carry it in a bag. Sometimes you have to drag the damn thing behind you. But eventually the weight gets less and less if you allow yourself to move forward, even if it’s still there with you all the time. I dealt with what happened years ago and it does still haunt me. It’s easier now than it was, but… I- I suppose I’ve learned from you too. Sitting in those lectures and hearing you talk. We can either let it haunt us for the rest of our lives… or we can accept it… and use the memory of our pain to help ourselves and others.”

“I’m not sure the choice is entirely in our hands.” His tone is mournful.

You turn to smile at him through your tears. His own eyes are bloodshot. “I disagree. If it weren’t, if we didn’t have the freedom to choose that, we’d all be murderers.”

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[lalaangeldust]

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐚 𝐱 𝐠𝐧!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 [ 𝟑𝐤+ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬 ]

[ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ] : gross sticky icky fluff // friends to lovers troupe <3 // hanta is a huge dork, we all been knew this // hanta is also sickeningly sweet and affectionate // GOD, I JUST LOVE HIM SO MUCH

[ 𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 ] : on a clear night, you go out to stargaze on the dorm roof; nothing out of the norm for you but in the middle of admiring the stars, sero comes out to join with something big he needs to get off his chest.

[ 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞 ] : you - blue // sero - orange

[ 𝗺𝘆𝗸𝗶𝗲'𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 ] : i'm totally not projecting my fantasies onto sero and i'm totally not a sucker for friends to lovers fics :| /s

Sitting on the cool concrete of the dorm roof, the night illuminated by nothing but the streetlights below you and the stars above as you lay in silence with your legs propped against the roof's ledge. You've always thought the best part of UA was how it was out of the way so the stars are clearer than they were back in the city. Although graduation is soon and end of year exams are menacingly looming over you, you couldn't resist the urge to come out and soak up the full moon's gorgeous light. Nights like these, alone on a clear night, soft music playing through your headphones, scanning the vast sky, connecting the dots as your eyes wander to make constellations of your own are arguably one of your most favorite things in life.

The only thing that could possibly make this better is... him.

Eyes trailing to the brightest star you can find and admiring how it sticks out from everything else in your vision, your mind uncontrollably wanders to Sero. How that star kinda reminds you of him...

Ugh! what a ridiculous thing to think! Damn him for always finding a way to worm into your thoughts. Your hands fly to your forehead with a smack, outwardly groaning as you drag your fingers down your face in an attempt to shake off your thoughts. You've been friends with him for nearly three years! You would think you'd be over your petty crush on him by now. You two are practically siblings with how you two are almost always attached at the hip, always causing trouble together, always there when the other needed it, always making you feel safe... It would be weird to have feelings for him... right..?

But before you could rationalize your emotions any further, a hand reaches for your headphones, lifting one side off your ear as you hear a soft voice murmur behind you, “The moon’s beautiful tonight, isn't it?”

You practically jump out of your skin, immediately shooting up to take a defensive position. Although you can’t make out the silhouette you’re now facing, the all too familiar laughter that comes from them is more than enough to give away who this false intruder could be and you sigh in relief.

“Sero! You scared me half to death!!” you exclaim, relaxing your shoulders at seeing his familiar frame emerge through the dim light.

Tall and lean with a smile that could nearly rival the sun, the boy chuckles at you. His long pitch black hair he's been growing out for the past year cascading down the sides of his face, just barely brushing past his shoulders framing his face in a way that makes his dashing features stand out even more. Sero approaches you wearing a loose muscle tank top with his hands tucked in ill fitting sweats and a pair of black stud earrings he stole from you in his ears.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Sero chuckled, "I didn't mean to scare you so bad, doll". You send him a deep glare through the darkness and he throws his hands up out of his pockets to either side of his head in defense.

"...Maybe you shouldn't sit out here with music blasting in your ears,” Sero snarks back, “I could’ve been a villain,” he continues mockingly, “Not to mention that horrible stance you took. I don't think you’d fair very well against a villain while sitting down,” he teases with a wide grin smeared on his face. You scoff and roll your eyes in response.

“Are you only here to tell me how much of a hazard I am? Or do you want anything else, tape face?” you grumble.

“Oh, you wound me!” Sero exclaims dramatically, “I was simply wondering what my lil’ muffin was up to,” he muses, the dimples on his cheeks becoming visible as his grin only stretches wider as he speaks.

“Oh god, muffin!?!? ew!” you groan, “What the hell, I thought we agreed on no more stupid pet names,” you say with a giggle while scrunching up your nose.

“I didn't think it was stupid,” Sero huffs as he plops himself down next to you and wrinkles his nose back at you, “Muffin is a valid nickname. You just have no taste,” he concludes with a short nod, still smiling like an idiot.

You just roll your eyes and stick your tongue out at him before tilting your head up to go back to looking at the stars. Sero chuckles softly, staring at you for a moment while admiring you as you look at the sky with a softened smile on his face.

“Why you up so late?” he inquired.

“I could ask you the same thing, Sero,” you reply while throwing your head back down to look at him.

“Mmm, well, I was sleeping but… I suddenly woke up and couldn't go back to sleep,” he grunts as he adjusts himself into a more comfortable sitting position next to you.

You hum in acknowledgment before you look back up to the stars in the sky and Sero is left to admire you once again. How your eyes glimmer with the stars as the full moon softly illuminates your frame is a breathtaking view he would never tire of. The look on your face when you gaze at the sky, the look of pure adoration and awe is a look he hopes, prays, dreams you’ll give him one day.

“What’re you thinking, hun?” he softly asks, hoping you’d give him just the slightest glimpse of what goes on in your head. You pause for a moment, taking in his question and wondering how to answer it.

“Just thinking. Thinking thoughts. Nothing notable or important, I can assure you. Just enjoying the clear night,” you say, swerving his question to avoid the real answer. him.

“Ah, that was a rather vague answer,” he jests, mildly disappointed that you didn't let him in and you only hum in response.

“What about you?” you ask, “What made you wanna come up here?”

“Oh, well..” he begins but is held back by a lump that suddenly lodges in his throat, not really wanting to fully admit why he came up here with you.

In reality he hadn't slept at all. He’s embarrassed to admit it but he couldn't stop thinking of you all night, all day in fact. You just about consume his every thought and tonight, no matter what he did, he just couldn’t shake the thought of being with you.

After being so close with you for years now, people often assume the two of you are dating but the idea is almost always dismissed by a shy laugh and an averted gaze... Sero would be lying if he ever said he didn't relish the idea of being in a romantic relationship with you but... You never seemed all that interested in the idea and Sero was too scared to push the idea you may like him even half as much as he likes you. Never going farther than light hearted flirting and banter, some may call him a coward maybe but to him? Being your friend was enough. Well, that was until Mina and Kiri gave him a harsh wake up call earlier that morning.

They were scolding him on how painfully obvious it is how both you and Sero are nearly head over heels for one another, how they've spent the past year pining for one another, yet the both of you have stayed so blind to the fact you have feelings for each other. Absolutely dumbfounded by this, he asks what he should do about it, about you, to which they immediately and overwhelmingly demand him to confess his feelings for you. That is the real reason he came to find you.

“When I was trying to go back to sleep, I thought about something someone said… about taking chances,” he spoke in a soft and thoughtful tone, “Taking that blind leap of faith into the unknown things we’re afraid of because... what’s the worst that can happen…?” he pauses, rubbing the back of his neck, suddenly realizing how silly he probably sounds as he looks at you, “I dunno- sounds kinda dumb now that I say it out loud,” he says dismissively.

“No, no. I don't think it sounds dumb at all. I think it’s very insightful” you say, ushering him to continue by resting your head on your palm as you look at him intently to show your interest.

“Well, uh,” butterflies swarm to his chest as he tries to find the words to speak, finding it much harder to talk when he knows he has your full attention.

“Well, it led me to think about you 'cus I know that's something you talk about a lot as well… and I figured since it's a full moon tonight, you'd be up here,” he concludes. His gaze nervously shifting to his feet, averting his eyes from you to try and calm the fluttering nerves in his chest.

“I’m glad you did,” you hum, a low warmth growing in your chest from knowing he thought about you, “I enjoy your company,” you add thoughtfully. Though you probably just meant it in a friendly way, it didn’t change how much it meant to Sero to know you like having him around.

“I’m happy to hear that,” Sero chuckles nervously, a light blush dusting his cheeks as he slightly scooches closer to you. You take notice and you subtly tilt to the side, leaning in his direction not yet touching shoulders but leaving an opening to do so if he wanted.

“I uh- I also wanted to tell you something- In regards to what I was thinking about…” Sero mumbles nervously, hoping you didn’t catch what he said so he would have an excuse to not go through with his confession. Pretend like nothing happened and move on to just enjoy the simple friendship you two share.

“Oh?” You inquire, “What do you want to tell me? I’m all ears,” Sero fiddles with his thumbs, taking a moment to gather his thoughts before he speaks as you patiently wait for him.

"I- uh, I love you," he blurts, head swimming as he looks at you, eager and insatiably nervous to hear how you may respond, horrified you may not reciprocate his feelings and ultimately ruining what relationship you two did have.

"I love you too, Sero," you giggle.

Sero's heart drops, confidence dwindling as he assumes you thought he said "I love you" in the way you two always have. Just as friends. But he didn't. He meant it. He meant it in so many more ways he couldn't even begin to describe. He didn't expect you to reciprocate his feelings in the first place but that doesn't make him hurt any less.

"No, you don't understand," Sero sighs as he runs his hands through his long, thick hair, "I'm in love with you," You turn you head to him, Did he-? eyes widening at what Sero said, unsure if what you heard was a wishful hallucination or not. When you said "I love you" back, you genuinely meant it in the same way he does now. God, you've been in love with him for what seems like the first moment you two met but you would've never guessed Sero felt the same for you.

You sit in silence for a beat trying processes what Sero had just said to you. Your friend, your closest friend, is in love with you..? Something you've dreamt of becoming a reality. You start to get dizzy from the overwhelming euphoria and anxiety the realization simultaneously brings. You look at Sero, placing your hand on his to ground yourself as you look up at him, a warm smile spreading on your face.

"I love you too, Hanta," you say earnestly. Sero's heart leaps in his chest at your words. Not only did the person of his dreams reciprocate his feelings but they also addressed him by his first name?! He might as well be dreaming. Hearing his name fall off your lips like warm honey for the first time sends him flying through cloud nine.

"Y-you mean it??" Sero stutters, still unable to believe it. You give him a heartfelt smile as you squeeze his hand before standing up. You wordlessly walk around Sero and crouch behind him.

Utterly confused and growing increasingly flustered at your sudden close proximity, Sero opens his mouth to ask what you could possibly be doing but you shush him before he can say a word. Leaning against him, you ask permission to grab his hand and Hanta lets you guide his finger to the brightest star in the sky, hyperaware of every subtle shift, adjustment and breath you take behind him, clinging onto every passing moment.

"You see that star? The really really bright one right there and how it's brighter than the others?" you ask.

"Yeah... why.?" he questions, eager to hear what you have to say.

"Forgive me if this is too cheesy but it sorta reminds me of you," you say softly.

"Wh- I don't think a follow," Hanta replies and you give a short, breathy chuckle in response.

"Out of all the stars in the sky, you stick out to me to most. You're the brightest star," you murmur close to him, guiding his hand back down and you make your way to sit next to him. Hanta takes a moment to process what you said. Him? A star? He doesn't understand how you view him in such a way when there isn't much special about him in the first place... but he tries not to pay any mind to those thoughts as his eyes are glued to you sitting back down beside him.

"Pff, that was super cheesy," he snorts.

"Shut up, I'm trying my best," you grumble, "And... that's what I was really thinking about before you came," Hanta looks at you in awe, nothing but love and kindness filling his eyes as he gingerly grabs your hand, lifting it up level to his face.

"It's aright, doll, I was only teasing.. I think it's cute and~," he hums before placing a soft kiss on your knuckle, "I'm ok with cheesy," he concludes with a wink. Heat blooms on your cheeks at his action and you throw your head to the side, covering your mouth and cheek with your other hand in embarrassment. Hanta chuckles, just about ready to burst at how adorable you are and gets a sudden burst of confidence coursing through him from seeing your flustered form.

"Aw, don't get shy on me now, love," he coos, tugging your arm to usher you to look back at him. You look at him with a flustered scowl and Hanta isn't sure if you did it to intimidate him or what but all it did was make his heart scream for you more. His hand slides to your forearm and his other hand goes to grab your other arm, pulling it away from your face.

"Here, come here, baby," he murmurs, pulling your arms to guide you to his lap. You give little resistance as you follow Hanta's hands, shifting around to make yourself comfortable against him as you settle between his thighs. As soon as you got comfortable, Hanta's arms find their home around your waist, hugging you close and breathing you in. You sigh contently as your back rests against his strong chest, never feeling safer than you do right now in his arms.

"It's ok if I call you baby now, right..?" Hanta asks, not wanting to be too much at one time.

"Well, it would be if we were dating," you tease with a raised brow.

"Wha-?" Hanta looks at you confused for a moment before he realizes, "Oh! How could I forget," he chuckles softly, cupping your face in his large palm, guiding your face too look at him, his dark eyes practically engulfing you in his loving gaze.

"Would you care to be my partner..?" he purrs, voice dipping to a soft and low tone that sends goosebumps down your spine.

"W-well, when you put it like that how can I say no?" you mumble, not being able to help the heat rising up your neck, painting your cheeks pink once again from how small you feel under Hanta's enchanting gaze.

"So... is that a yes..?" Hanta inquires, hand still placed tenderly on our cheek. You nod your head against his palm, fingers caressing up and down his forearm as he holds you.

"Mhm, I would love nothing more," you reply in a soft and tender tone. Hanta melts at your words, feeling on top the world and like he can do anything. An uncontrollable smile erupts on his face, charming dimples ornamenting his cheeks as he hugs you tight to his body not wanting to ever let go.

You shuffle in his arms to turn yourself around in his lap. Now facing him, you tuck your face into the crook of Hanta's neck, wrapping your arms and legs snuggly around his torso. Hanta holds you equally as close, affectionately running his fingers up and down your back in complete bliss with you snuggling up to him.

"Can I kiss you..?" Hanta asks, voice just barely above a whisper. You lift your head up to look him in his deep eyes and you cup his face in your hand. Hanta leans into your touch, grabbing your hand on his face and guides it down just enough to plant a chaste kiss to the edge of your palm. You sigh and softly smile, nodding at the boy's question.

"Please kiss me," you murmur, leaning closer into his body. Hanta places his hand on the back of your neck, pulling you and a colliding your lips together. Though it was clumsy at first, you quickly adapt and your lips lock together like puzzle pieces. Tenderly, Hanta pulls away from you and rests his forehead against yours. The kiss you shared was short and sweet but still left the both of you breathless and yearning for more.

"May I kiss you again?" Hanta questions playfully and you giggle in response while nodding your head against him. He leans in, smiling against you as you mash lips with together, the both of you sighing into the other's mouth. This kiss a lot more confident than the last as Hanta takes the lead to explore every bit of you he can, taking note of every noise, movement and reaction you give. This time you pull away, surfacing for air from Hanta's intense hold on you.

"I can kiss you again, right?" Hanta asks again.

"How many more kisses do you want??" you giggle.

"That is a dangerous question to ask, my love," Hanta purrs into you, his breath ghosting your neck as he nuzzles his face underneath your jaw and lays a soft peck where his face lies, "I'd take all of them," he says, scanning your face for any discomfort but once he sees you're ok with him continuing, he lays another peck on your neck.

You laugh at the ticklish feeling, lacing your fingers through his dark hair as he continues showering you with short kisses.

"Let me know if I'm being too much, yeah?" kiss on your neck, "I don't wanna be too much," another kiss on the neck, "or overwhelm you," kiss on your jaw, "'cus that would be sad," kiss on the corner of your mouth.

"Hanta!" you squeal through giggles.

"I'm sorry, hun" kiss on your cheekbone, "I just can't resist," kiss on your cheek, "you have no idea," kiss on the chin, "just how long," kiss on the nose, "I've wanted," kiss on the eyelid "to do this," kiss on the brow, "And now," kiss on the temple, "I can't," kiss on the forehead, "Stop,"

Erupting with giggles, you desperately try to squirm away as Hanta continues to relentlessly shower you with kisses.

"No, no, no! Hanta!" you cry through your laughter, "No more!"

Giving you one last peck on the lips before pulling away, Hanta finally gives into your pleas and stops his assault of kisses. He presses his forehead against yours as you calm down from your laughing fit, pulling some giggles from Hanta as well because of your contagious laugh.

"I love you," you sigh once you've finally calmed down. Hanta hums in response, placing his hand on the back of your head, letting his fingers lace through your hair.

"I love you too," he says, heart feeling full and beaming with joy.

Forever and always~

𝒇𝒊𝒏 . ✩

[ lil easter egg of sorts for those of you who don't know~ in Japanese when you ask someone "The moon is beautiful, isn't it?" or

『月が綺麗ですね』 // "tsuki ga kirei desu, ne?"

it's actually a very poetic way to confess your love to the person you're asking ]

[ I think it's literally so fucking cute 'cus i myself am deeply in love w/ the moon :) ]

[ if this were a thing in English and someone confessed to me this way, i would immediately demand for their hand in marriage >:| ]

[ god, japanese culture is so cool, i love it sm ]

ALSO- CAN WE NORMALISE ASKING SOMEONE OUT BY ASKING THEM TO BE YOUR PARTNER INSTEAD OF BF / GF????

"would you care to be my partner?" UHBIJNIJAHHHH LITERALLY SO ROMANTIC AND GENUINE HOLY SHIT- i'm making myself simp

RAAAHHHHHHH