#ch: kang yohan

[clawbehavior]

TDJ Collab Fic: Gahan Edition

Welcome to the Kang Yohan/Kim Gaon collaborative fic post!

A03 story link

Discord: We have a discord to discuss the story! DM for the link

Prompt: Based on popular vote: Post-canon, Yohan returns for Gaon.

Rating: Explicit

Writing schedule:

Thursday, September 5: no one! the prompt goes live on a03

Thursday, September 12 at 9am KST: @tenderlywicked (CH 1)

Friday, September 20 at 9am KST: @yohangaontdj : tmweis2771 (CH 2)

Friday, September 27 at 9am KST: @ladykyrin (CH 3)

Friday, October 4 at 9am KST: @a-small-batch-of-dragons: TheAsexualofSpades (CH 4)

Friday, October 11 at 9am KST: @bellarkeandclintashaandsuch (CH 5)

Friday, October 18 at 9am KST: @jehan-d-art: lorebearleaf (CH 6)

Friday, October 25 at 9am KST: @mid-n0vember: mid_november (CH 7)

Friday, October 1 at 9am KST: @absolutesuffering: heavenlywildflower (CH 8)

Friday, November 8 at 9am KST: @thedeviljudges: xxcaribbean (CH 9)

Friday, November 15 at 9am KST: @gayautisticraccoon: ObsessiveFandomTrash (CH 10)

Friday, November 22 at 9am KST: @obviouslystillfuschia (CH 11)

Friday, November 29 at 9am KST: @blueatelier: aotelier (CH 12)

Friday, December 6 at 9am KST: Queenbeyondthejudge (CH 13)

Friday, December 13 at 9am KST: gaonssugardaddy -- niaxz1005 (CH 14)

Friday, December 20 at 9am KST: clawbehavior: orangepaperclips (CH 15)

Instructions:

Have fun. This is literally the least stressful thing you should be writing. Forget any rules about length or quality. Just write what you want.

Restrictions: No major character death, and no sexual assault/rape/molestation, even in the past.

Chapter length: 2 sentences – 500 words (you can write more but it needs to be complete by your date).

Uncertain about whether to write what you’re thinking of? Write it. If you’re really unsure, ask yourself whether the next writer can continue from your chapter. Feel free to DM me or comment on this post if you need a friend’s perspective.

Check-ins: I’ll follow up a few days before your deadline to see if you need anything and to help with publishing if you’re confused.

How do I publish on a03?

Step 1: Let yourself be added as a co-creator on a03 by following these steps:

Go to a03

When you're logged in, select "My Preferences" from the "Hi, [username]!" menu at the top of the page. If you're on your Dashboard, you can also choose "Preferences" in the navigation sidebar (found at the top of the page when you're using a mobile device).

Navigate to the Privacy section.

Check the box beside "Allow others to invite me to be a co-creator".

Select the "Update" button at the bottom of the page. Updating your preferences will return you to your Dashboard.

Step 2: Tell me when you’ve done this by commenting here or on discord. Then I can add you to the story.

Step 3: You’ll get an invite on your a03 account to be a co-author on a story called TDJ Collab: Gahan Edition. Click Yes.

Step 4: Upload your chapter on your date.

I'm soooo looking forward to going insane over these boys with you all.

[breitweisergallery]

are you still taking TDJ fic asks? what did you plan for 'before, after, and the void inbetween'. it was a great take on season 2

(i'm always taking TDJ fic asks, for the record)

This one is a funny one because I do have the entire thing plotted out scene-by-scene and I did just get out of bed to post it here. Full plotting below the cut.

Notes on characters: Elijah is with several friends, Lee Youngmin, and Heo Junhui. Youngmin, we of course know from the show. Junhui I believe is only mentioned in the show twice (??) but is canonically the son of Heo Joongse.

Ch. 1 held tenderly to the parts long forgotten

Gaon moving on post-canon (+18 months)

Inguk and Jaekyun show up and tell Gaon that Elijah is missing

Gaon picks Yohan up from the airport

Drive back to Gaon’s, Yohan takes a nap

Yohan/Gaon scene, interrupted by the team

Yohan/Gaon go to bed

Ch. 2 to bloom, to be, to lay bare before me

Gaon and Doyun drive

Jun, Gaon, and Seonho meet and talk + intro to political plotline

Yohan visits his grave and finds the watch, meets Dokyung

He also finds Elijah’s phone by Isaac’s grave

Yohan and Jaekyun talk, Gaon listens in

Introduce Gaon’s team to Yohan (Jun, Sangbin, Seonho, Myungwoong)

Elijah scene #1

Ch. 3 impossibilities like memories make us

Yohan tracks Dokyung down and ‘talks’ to him (Doyun intro)

Elijah scene #2

Gaon + Seowon lunch

Gaon debriefs with office+Jinjoo TRANS TO

Gaon and Jinjoo discuss the future

Jaekyun and Inguk meet with Yohan to discuss Dokyung 

Yohan finds out about the death threats sent to Gaon, Gaon kisses Yohan

Ch. 4 the falling of parts of songs like flying

Yohan/Gaon scene, interrupted by Jaekyun with information TRANS TO

Elijah scene #3 (Youngmin and Jun)

Gaon meets up with Seonho and Jinjoo to discuss HAN plotline, interrupted by Doyun

Gaon + Seunghyun lunch

Yohan, Jinjoo, and Jaekyun talk + proper introduction to Jaekyun

Yohan goes to talk to Dokyung again, Doyun knocks him out. 

Ch. 5 past recollections of future dreams

Yohan wakes up to Hara treating his wounds + introduction to Choi family

Elijah scene #4 (Elijah and Jun)

Unable to find Yohan, Jaekyun and Inguk report to Gaon TRANS TO

Gaon’s team approaches him with a message from Seowon

Yohan meets Seunghyun and has dinner with the family

Gaon and Elijah talk. 

Ch. 6 irreversibly shattered teacups of fallacy

Elijah and Jaekyun reunite, Elijah officially moves in with Gaon

Jun, Youngmin, and Gaon talk

Jaehee tells Seowon that Kang Yohan is alive, and Kim Gaon knows

Gaon finally unites his team and Yohan’s team in an effort to find Yohan

Gaon and Jinjoo attend an event together, Gaon publicly announces his plans to switch to politics

Seunghyun and Seowon both seek out Gaon (Seunghyun and Hara also approach Jinjoo)

Gaon returns home to Elijah and realizes Yohan is still missing

Ch. 7 your being in me makes whole

The teams report no further sightings or updates on Yohan’s location

Gaon and Jaekyun talk about Yohan TRANS TO

Kang Yohan is found alive but injured by the police, and while given a presidential pardon, is held at the police station

Doyun drives Gaon to Yohan but confesses along the way that he knew where Yohan was, and resigns. Gaon refuses his resignation, admitting he knew

Gaon finds Yohan being interrogated by PI Han Geunmin. 

Ch. 8 the worst sin

[flashback] The last week, from Yohan’s perspective 

Han Geunmin is stopped from his interrogation at the arrival of Gaon and Inguk

Gaon and Yohan reunite and go home. Yohan is reunited with Elijah. 

Elijah tells Yohan that Youngmin wasn’t at fault, that there was someone else behind it all. Jun and Youngmin back up her story. 

Yohan, Gaon, Jaekyun, and Doyun hunt down Jaehee. 

Before dying, Jaehee gives up Cha Seowon as the mastermind. 

Ch. 9 the book we wrote together

Yohan and Gaon go to meet and handle Cha Seowon together

Yohan apologizes to Youngmin and Jun, thanks them both for caring for Elijah, setting up Jun/Elijah

Yohan/Gaon scene, interrupted by Jaekyun

Yohan/Gaon scene continued 

Seonho and Sangbin approach Gaon and Yohan with information about Han Geunmin.

The Han plot line (Han Geunmin) would lead into the p ossibility of a sequel to follow it regarding Soohyun, and Gaon uncovering a mess Soohyun had been involved in before her death

[khaoray]

[mystuffsolar]

[lene-mckxnnon]

“I think I’m falling in love with you.”

this ask meme

Ok, aquilo não era algo do qual se devia rir, Yohan falhou completamente ao tentar sufocar o riso na garganta, fazendo com que soasse zombando dos sentimentos alheios. “Você e toda a torcida do flamengo” Brincou ao lembrar-se da expressão usada por um colega intercambista brasileiro. Ele sabia muito bem do impacto que causava por onde passava e seria um pouco surpreendente se Oliver não estivesse apaixonado por si depois de tanto tempo de convivência e o vendo completamente nu para a escultura. Talvez ele precisasse baixar um pouco o ego. Percebeu o erro de suas palavras e reação no momento em que olhou com mais atenção para o moreno. Com um olhar intenso e passos de felino, ele se aproximou do artista, pousando o braço na parede e o prendendo entre o concreto e seu corpo. “Eu deveria estar surpreso?” Murmurou-lhe ao pé do ouvido, não deveria tortura-lo tanto assim, era um péssimo hábito e como esse tipo de coisa, difícil de largar. “Estava me perguntando quando você finalmente iria admitir... talvez eu devesse recompensa-lo pela coragem... já que...” Aproximou mais o rosto do pescoço alheio, deslizando o nariz pela pele exposta. “Eu não acho, tenho certeza de que estou apaixonado por você”.

[wellsygrahams-a]

❃ ⋯ ⤳ characters a to z  

[ketterdmcrows]

❀ ⋯ ⤳ w to z.

[film-in-my-soul]

Gaon to Yohan: “Please let me take care of you.” Hurt/comfort please! Thank you!

(So many moments in the series to use this... Also, love how I said "lil" and it turned into this. I really can't stop myself sometimes...)

Ga-on's ribs hurt. There's an ache across his shoulders too, where he'd taken some sort of blunt object to the back. He doesn't let any of that stop him though hastily enters the code to the Kang’s manor and heads for the stairs taking the steps, two at a time, to get to Yo-han's room.

Soo-hyun telling him the truth once she'd rescued him, that the Chief had called her, sounding out of sorts but making it clear that Ga-on needed help, had been surprising. He’d watched her hesitate out of the corner of his eye when he'd asked how she'd known where he was and then she'd met his gaze as the car drew to a stop and told him.

Immediately worry sprang up between his ribs like tangling vines, Soo-hyun had said Yo-han sounded... off. That hadn't sat right with him. If there was one thing Yo-han was a master of it was controlling how others saw him and Ga-on was sure that the man would have never willfully shown Soo-hyun any such weakness.

Ga-on had wanted immediately to go to the Kang's, fear in his lungs, but had acquiesced when Soo-hyun urged that they, at the very least, get him cleaned up.

"What use will you be to them if you can hardly stand on your own huh?"

She'd been right of course and Ga-on was anxious, knee jumping up and down, the entire time Soo-hyun had carefully wrapped his torso with wide bandages, unable to properly meet his eyes. Ga-on could only imagine what was going on in her head. It was no secret her vehement mistrust of Kang Yo-han. Hell, Ga-on himself still isn't sure if he fully trusts the Chief. But regardless of that and where their last fight might have left them, he cares. Frankly, he’s quite sure he’s one of the only ones, Elijah excluded, who might.

Soo-hyun had barely finished taping him up, her fingers lingering on the covered bruises before Ga-on was up and reaching for a new shirt, one that wasn't covered in dust and sweat, maybe even a little blood. It's a bit heartless, he knew, after everything his childhood best friend had done for him, but the weight of something being wrong made his chest feel concave and twisted and the only way it would clear was by seeing Kang Yo-han with his own eyes.

Ga-on had turned back to her, to at least offer the courtesy of a thanks, but the heavy look Soo-hyun leveled him with only made his throat close tighter. He was hovering between two choices, two paths… Soo-hyun's eyes asked him to stay, to keep himself safe, to let her make sure of it... But Ga-on knew what the pang in his chest was telling him to do and he’d watched, eyes stinging, as Soo-hyun realize it too.

She’d offered him a wobbling smile and a shaky reminder to be careful as he rushed out the front door of his own home.

Now, as Ga-on rounds the banister of second-story landing, he hardly catches Elijah out of the corner of his eye. He stops and turns to her, catching his breath, chest heaving from taking the stairs too quickly. She looks unharmed, but there's something clearly weighing down on her shoulders, and the expression pinching her normally soft and neutral features is cloudy. She doesn't offer him a hello, just tells him where Yo-han is.

Ga-on had only been highly suspicious something was wrong but now he knows it's true and that fuels him the rest of the way to where Yo-han's room is.

He doesn't bother with politeness by announcing his entry, just pushes his way inside like he's been doing since the beginning really. The sight that greets him makes Ga-on's blood freeze, eyes going wide at Kang Yo-han, doubled over on the floor, groaning in agony, hooked up to an IV bag as the news drones from the television in front of him.

Ga-on jerks forward when Yo-han's head turns toward him. It's those eyes, fiery and pained, that snap Ga-on out of his temporary stupor.

"Chief," Ga-on chokes as he falls forward onto his knees, hands hovering, not sure where to touch first- if he even should. He settles for Yo-han's shoulders, as it seems that's where the older man is trying to grab as he shakes and gasps. The moment Ga-on’s fingers brush over the area Yo-han is practically throwing himself away from the contact.

"Don't-!" Whatever else Yo-han is trying to say gets cut off by a sharp cry when he sits up too quickly. Ga-on’s hands hang uselessly between them while his eyes wildly search for the cause of all this distress and hurt.

When he catches the sight of bandages through the deep opening of Yo-han’s robe it turns Ga-on into stone. There’s a rust-colored blot in the center of the thickest padding and Ga-on, hardly stupid, knows its blood. Unwillingly, Ga-on is dragged backward in time. The memory is of a younger, even more foolish version of himself, following a trail of curious red dots from his parent's room to the shared bathroom. They’d been the same color as the stain on Yo-han's stomach and the dread that rears up is a learned reaction.

Distantly, Ga-on knows that Yo-han is probably speaking, commanding him to leave, but his eyes are fixed on that spot and all that's in his ears is a high-pitched ringing. Gone from the Chief's side for hardly a day and this is what happens? The damned clog is back in Ga-on's throat. He looks back up to Yo-han and whatever expression he's wearing is apparently drastic enough to shut the other up, if only temporarily.

Ga-on reaches out again, more tentative, gentler, this time. Yo-han shifts, trying to inch back again, but Ga-on doesn't let him. Instead, he swallows hard and grasps the edge of Yo-han's robe, eyes falling back on the bandages. He feels childish, gripping at the fabric with a tight and trembling fist.

A silence lapses over them, the President shouting nonsense from the television, when a hand carefully drops on top of his own. Ga-on looks up again and the eyes, half-hidden behind Yo-han's hair are unusually soft, even with the traces of hurt that lingers.

"Ga-on-" Yo-han's voice is graveled and tired. Ga-on lets out a shuddering breath, close to a gasp, realizing he'd momentarily forgotten to breathe. The grip he has on Yo-han's robe tightens, tugging, silencing Yo-han.

"Please..." There's so much going on in his head right now, between what's happening in the outside world and what's happening here with Yo-han, between the two of them even, Ga-on needs a point of focus, a compass needle in the sudden storm of his life.

"Ga-on..." Yo-han says his name again with a sigh, on the verge of either saying something that effectively puts his foot in his mouth (as he often does) or dismissive and tone-deaf for the tense circumstance. Ga-on isn't going to let him.

“Please let me take care of you.”

They fall into silence again and Ga-on wonders if the widening of Yo-han's eyes is from the offer of care or how earnest, desperate, Ga-on knows he sounds. Yo-han’s expression goes blank again and there's a horrible moment, Ga-on sure that Yo-han will insult the vulnerability he’s so willing to share, as he often does, but it never comes. Instead, Yo-han seems to let his whole body go slack, swaying slightly with exhaustion from where he's sat back on his knees.

Resigned, Ga-on's brain offers.

Eyes still closed Yo-han pats Ga-on's hand, the one still threatening to tear the delicate silk of Yo-han's robe.

"Help me up."

Ga-on does that, scrambling to his feet and then supports Yo-han to his own, letting the older man use him as a crutch, leaning heavily into his side as Ga-on lays him down on the mussed covers of the bed.

Once Yo-han's settled Ga-on hovers, unsure how to be useful now that it seems the worst of the pain has passed. When Yo-han sighs and grabs his wrist, pulling him down to sit by his thighs Ga-on goes willingly. Ga-on pretends he can’t still feel the heat of Yo-han’s hand from where it rests close to his own.

"Sit. Stay." Yo-han's eyes are shut again as he relaxes back into his pillows, the commands sounding more like light suggestions. When Ga-on doesn't speak but also doesn't leave, those eyes slide half-open. "Good boy." It's said teasingly and even though there are still questions running like off rail trains in Ga-on's head, the tone is a lifeline to pull him clear from any impending crashes. It makes Ga-on flush, but he bites off the reaction and chooses instead to scowl, sliding back into more comfortable, safe, territory for them.

Reaching for the bedside table where a bowl of cool water and a clean towel sit, Ga-on dampens the towel and leans up to drag the cloth across Yo-han's sweat-damp fringe. The other's sharp gaze tracks him but Ga-on is undeterred and Yo-han doesn't protest.

Ga-on will ask questions later, he'll probably shout and Yo-han will make light of every new horror and injustice he makes him aware of, talk in circles, and make Ga-on swallow bile and acid and all the bad feelings living in his chest, but for now... for now, Yo-han is complacent in Ga-on showing kindness and that will have to be enough.

(And a gif just for funsies)

Beyond Evil/The Devil Judge/The Guest Ficlets Open

[nobodyeverasked]

back to you; kim wooseok

(4704 words) - large

Summary: X marks the spot.

A/N: This isn’t a request, but I literally needed to do this or the idea would’ve slipped from my mind (I planned to do this one before their debut, which passed). I literally pumped this out in one day, so I hope you enjoy! I’m working on requests right now, so this is just something to take the edge off in the meantime.

Y/N tried his best to wring out the sweat staining the soft skin of his hands, not to be blinded by the beryl spotlights stabbing into his eyes, or deafened by the ear-piercing applause rumbling the oily black stage below him. The tremors of fear clawed throughout his body, months of hard work that passed like seconds, but felt like years amalgamating into an abyssal conglomerate of nerves bunching at the back of his throat. Produce X 101 was a rollercoaster of any emotion that a human being could possibly feel, and bared every burden that one could carry on their shoulders. It was a nightmare hidden in a daydream, but also the oasis in the desert.

He has made so many friends, and had to hug so many people a bitter farewell, clutching onto their tear-stained blazers and looking into too many glassy eyes…

 Too many… 

He was able to perform in front of hundreds of thousands of people and was able to hear the chimes of people's voices echo his name from every corner of the venue. He finally felt what it would be like to live in only a fraction of his most desired ambitions, and leave the pinewood floor of the same practice room at Pledis that he danced in for three years - trapped. The mirror that always stood in front of him replaced with a flurry of dancing lights and compassionate smiles.

He reflected on his journey here, and how many of those who held him dear still stood on the giant black ‘X’ in the middle of the stage, how many he danced with, sang with, laughed with, and cried with. The blade of distress wedged itself further in his heart when the numbers and names appeared on that large screen every single day.

*

As soon as he entered through that doorway, his entertainment company - Pledis Entertainment - shining in blinding lights on the screen behind him, eyes and expectations lingered on him like a cheap perfume, and fortunately, his audition did not disappoint. His reign as a threat, though, only lasted until the night bled into the sunlit sky, the reevaluation.

He lost his voice during the reevaluation halfway through the song. All he could do was continue to dance with the shadows of dejection strewn across his once nervous smile. 

As soon as he fled from the prying eyes behind the camera, he felt the frigid shivers of sympathy already boring into his skull. His confidence and his motivation were broken, and his hopes sunk to the pit of his stomach ever since.

He never left the fragile warmth and safety of Han Seungwoo’s arms that day.

His redemption for both respect, and himself, started to build up in front of him as soon as his voice started to come back during his Blood, Sweat and Tears performance and was able to shoot up to first for two episodes straight, finally losing the stares of sympathy, and gaining curved lips of recognition. 

He was a considerable threat during the series, placing in the top eleven for almost every episode. He was always commended for his relentless perseverance despite his slip-ups, his sense of humor, his seemingly endless inventory of talents and the bonds that he had with many other trainees that managed to be caught in the heavenly light of his smile. The narrative that was forged through the heat of every heavy breath he drew, and every word sung through his lips made his journey through the first half of the series seem like a breeze, what could have gone wrong?

It was Wooseok, Kim Wooseok…

Believe it or not, they were actually a couple during Wooseok’s days as a member of Up10tion, however, the twines that fused their gazes and interweaved their fingers slowly snapped, and the tides separating their touches pushed them further away from each other. Wooseok’s hiatus was the final thing that shut their mouths and stopped the peppering of one-word texts that were sent through their phones once every other week. Wooseok - the older - was absolutely bewildered, to say the least, when Pledis showed up on the screen ahead of him and Y/N came in, timidly scampering through the cobalt doorway of the main room.

Many flames burned in his heart and marred his brain. He was thrilled to look into those enthralling eyes once more, to see every single sparkle lining his crescent-moon gaze, to know the stories that hung between those upturned lips, and remember the flavour of the tongue that danced with his. However, his heart hurt just as much as every part of him yearned for his touch, and for his grip to coil around the waist that fitted between his hands so perfectly. He knew that he could only admire his boyfriend from a distance. 

He made a fissure so long and wide - created through months and months of silence and habitual excuses - that no matter how close they were physically, their hearts would still be millions of miles away.

*

The ranks were already being shared, one less person standing on the X, and adding one more spark of sadness to fester in the pit of Y/N’s stomach. 

He placed third just before this finale, he could not have fallen so far, he had confidence that he delivered a decent performance, putting all of his effort into every single line of To My World that he had. An uncomfortable, thick heat flourished under Y/N’s navy blazer, and his spirits started to fall with every name that was called. None were his…

“Lee Eunsang from Brand New Music!”

He and Eunsang never talked that much, all they used to share were approving glances of each other’s talents. They shared a mutual admiration for each other, but one that never passed through their anxiously pursed lips. Y/N had no idea how Eunsang could pull of such a vibrant head of scarlet hair, and Eunsang had no idea how Y/N found the perseverance to keep going and staying positive, despite the humiliation that thrashed wildly at him during the reevaluation, and the difficulty of working with unprofessional trainees who already had the lights of optimism fading from their dark eyes. If Y/N made the group - or ‘when’ in Eunsang’s book - he would spill out all of the feelings that were stuck on the tip of his tongue since they spared stares for each other.

“Kang Minhee from Starship Entertainment!”

He liked Minhee, and Minhee liked him, they were on the same team once, and all they could remember was suffering the same storm of hopelessness as they stood in their line, waiting for the ranks of their concept evaluation to be slapped onto that dreadful, black screen. He could still feel Minhee’s head laid limply on his shoulder when they were practicing, the haze of nightfall still felt through the hollow walls and the pale light of the practice room.

“Cha Junho from Woollim Entertainment!”

Cha Junho and Y/N had a connection that hid behind closed doors, and out from under the cerulean lights that lit under Junho’s feet. Y/N was one of the people who was able to see the side of Junho that was barely ever shown, the emotional one. The one that would have Junho heave in fits of relentless laughter when they joked with each other,  the one that would cast a blush across his tanned cheeks whenever Y/N would complement his singing, or the one that would silently fanboy over Y/N’s gaze towards the camera. 

“Nam Dohyun from MBK Entertainment!”

They never really conversed that much, however, all Dohyun knew about Y/N was that he deserved to feel the blue leather of one of these seats just as much as he did. They usually exchanged glances every now and then, and shared sheepish smiles when and after Dohyun failed to do a pullup. If Y/N debuts, he knows he will never hear the end of it, but he also knows that he will probably soon find something to tease Y/N about on their late-night car rides to the gym.

“Lee Hangyul from MBK Entertainment!”

Despite the vast contrast of the presences that they carried off stage, Hangyul knew that he was immediately enamoured by Y/N’s aura as soon as he performed Blood, Sweat, and Tears. The maturity that bloomed so abruptly in his peaceful eyes and the fires of such graceful intensity that writhed with every movement he made on that stage shocked him, but also brought them together. They could never forget the passive conversations that conquered the starlight seeping in through the windows of their dorm or the warmth of each other’s support that was always cradled close to their hearts.

“Son Dongpyo from DSP Media!”

These two babies were inseparable since the beginning, their combined cuteness shining a light of positivity and happiness that everyone desperately needed. Dongpyo had immense respect for Y/N since he found the motivation to move on after his mistakes during the reevaluation, and was one of the first to hold him in his arms when he stepped out of the frame of the camera. Soon enough, Seungwoo had two kids, both of whom he loves with all of his heart. 

If Y/N debuts, Dongpyo hopes to let the candlelights of their emerging friendship to erupt like wildfire, and for their moments together to forever be engraved in their heads.

“Cho Seungyoun from Yuehua Entertainment!”

They barely ever conversed, only sparing glances every now and then, and smiling at each other through the screen when they performed their separate songs. Even though it was never forged into words, the respect for each other was always there - lingering in the sparks of their eyes whenever they watched each other. They would love to see each other grow if they manage to debut together. 

“Song Hyeongjun from Starship Entertainment!”

Y/N was starting to get nervous now, he was in third place, and he knew that with people like Yohan, Seungwoo, Wooseok, and Jinhyuk, that there was no way he was going to be seated on one of those chairs, feeling the relieving coolness of that blue leather running under his palms. The shadows of doubt ate away at the flames of hope in his heart, and the tremors of fear and disappointment convulsing through his hands - clenched at his sides. Although his faith was starting to wither, he could not be prouder of one of his best friends, Song Hyeongjun. 

They clicked ever since they caught each other’s gaze, the nervous greetings towards each other that haunted their memories fading away as they started to spend more time together, the melodies of their shared laughter forever resonating throughout their heads. They both knew that no matter how bad things got, they would always seek solace in each other, have a shoulder that they could lean on, and arms they could fall into. When they both debut - as Hyeonjun liked to remind Y/N every single day - he wants to make new memories and share more moments, burn the stage and flood arenas everywhere with their boundless compassion.

“Han Seungwoo from Plan A Entertainment!”

Y/N could barely think about how much Seungwoo has changed his life until he was swept into a tight hug, his trance of bittersweet thoughts, and the sour flavour of dread lining his tongue dissipating in the warmth of Seungwoo’s embrace. All Y/N managed to muster was a weak sigh, nestling his head into the curve of Seungwoo’s neck, and relishing in his squared shoulders that he has leaned on and cried into countless times. He hugged him as if it was his last time, the torrid heat pooling between their pressed chests reminding Y/N that with Seungwoo taking third, maybe it actually was.

Reluctantly parting, Y/N walked back to his place on the X. There was the last spot, he thought desperately. However, looking at the heavy heads that were hung around him, he knew that this… This was the end, he knew who the last two were going to be, and he knew who would be taking the twelfth spot of this group, it was not going to be him. 

He had to sacrifice everything, waste his breath, hold back his tears and make limitless bonds only to see them slip through his very fingertips. The waves of his self-doubt hurling him further away from the debut that he poured his everything into.

The ringing in his ears shoved him into the pools of anguish, his head dropped too low to see Yohan winning first place and Wooseok - his boyfriend - obtaining second. Y/N may not even get to apologize to the man he still loves.

He was sorry for not being good enough, sorry for holding him back, sorry for not being there.

His heart pounded against his ribs, the lights above him carving out the oily shadows of distress tainting his once hopeful smile, and painting a tapestry of worry along his entire body. He was too deafened by his own mantra of disheartening thoughts to hear the audience ahead of him screaming his name, hoping to help the ashes of his desperation rise into the phoenix of optimism and confidence that he once was. 

Everyone perched on their ranking seats were sweating bullets, hands bunched at their sides. The embers of hope blooming in their widened eyes as soon as they realized that their friend - Y/N -  was not up here with them, but was on the screen behind them, along with three other trainees.

Y/N was a nominee for the X spot along with Jinhyuk, Minkyu, and Jungmo, however, he was too scared and desperate to notice, his gaze stuck to the floor below him, and his hands draped dejectedly behind his back.

Almost everyone near Wooseok could hear a rough sigh burst out from between his lips as he hunched over, his elbows digging into his knees and his nails wedging into his palm. He could still feel Y/N’s fingers interlacing with his, and he could still hear the faint echoes of the summer rain tapping against their window as they once fell asleep in each other’s arms, nothing on their minds except each other. All he wants to do is hold him, sing with him, perform with him. He wants to kiss him, hug him, embrace him. Talk with him until the sun rose and cuddle with him until the stars died. He yearned to tell him everything that he was too stupid to say, and to fall at his feet, promising to never take Y/N’s untainted love for granted ever again.

Jungmo, Minkyu and Jinhyuk, and Y/N all looked at each other in absolute shock. Looking up at the screen, exhausted and doubtful, he knew for sure that this was the end for him. He saw the other boys, and how much worthier they were for this group, how a relentless fire of hope still danced in their eyes.

He let his gaze fall back to the glossy, black floors, his reflection searing into his mind. His tired eyes, his face shaded with doubt, and his once radiant smile that entranced the entire country - no, the world - now a firm line embellishing his usually joyous features. He barely let the sob boiling at the back of his throat crash through his bitten lip until a hand clutched his, fingers silently threading together.

It was Jinhyuk, watching with heartache as a tear of unmixed anguish finally broke from Y/N’s dull eyes, the sparks of maturity that Hangyul found himself absorbed in, gone, and the healthy glow in his cheeks that burned brighter with every casual smile he shone, erased by the rivers carving into them.

Jungmo leaned over to grab his other hand, bending down and trying to look him in the eyes, but the weights of dejection only pulled Y/N’s head further down, unwilling to look at the person whose dreams that would either be broken, or the person that could make whatever menial semblance of hope he still had perish in an instant.

Y/N’s mangled thoughts finally overtook him, a cobweb of distress and sorrow thickening in his head, the darkness of his insecurities finally bringing the walls of his fragile stability tumbling down. He was too enwrapped by the cacophonies of his own anxiety and sadness, that he did not even hear the host call his name.

“Y/N from Pledis Entertainment!!!”

When the echoes - that felt oh so distant - finally clawed their way into his head, his eyes finally lifted from the floor once again, and his jaw dropped, his teary gaze pried open by the delicate hands of surprise. All of the tribulations he faced with every single week, all of the stress that infected his mind as his rank dropped and rose as it pleased, and all of the tears he shed were finally worth it. Within a fraction of his sharpening vision, he could feel everyone diving in to hug him, all of the happiness and gratitude swelling in his chest bringing him to his knees.

Everyone ranked on their blue leather seats shot up, clapping as they shouted Y/N’s name in symphonies of their own joy. Their dear friend, a kid that they forged so many memories with on and off camera, on and off the show, is going to be debuting with them, they could never feel more proud.

Y/N could barely notice people frantically wiping away his tears for him before he instantly wrapped his arms around the people closest to him, his face buried in Jinhyuk’s chest, and his arms wrapped around both Jungmo and Yuvin, who embraced him just as tightly. Walking down the aisle, and following in the footsteps of eleven of his closest friends, was one of the best feelings that he has ever experienced. Sapphire lights ignited under his feet as he looked up at the young men smiling down at him, all of the memories that he has experienced with every single one of them resurfacing in his mind.

Wooseok instantly jumped up from his chair - much to everyone’s surprise - and ran to Y/N, the younger boy who just regained his composure crumbling to the ground in tears once more when his gaze fell upon Wooseok, who had his arms spread wide open and enveloped his boyfriend in the warmest, most loving embrace that they have shared in months. It felt absolutely wonderful for both boys, to feel the skin that ran between their lips after so long, and the ardor that stirred in their mending hearts. They reveled in the flames of their compassion taking flight in the streams of cobalt light draping over them, and buried their faces into each other’s necks, the scents of their past memories still resonating in their heads even after so long.

“Y/N, baby, I’m so sorry!” Wooseok’s voice shook with tremors of boundless regret, his voice so soft - barely above a whisper - but his words so strong, as if he was screaming from the rooftops they always used to spend time on, the starlight that used to hang over them and their interwoven lips still shining brightly in their minds. “I felt so many things, but I never had the balls to tell you anything! I’m so sorry we stopped talking, and I’m so sorry I couldn’t have been there for you when you needed me! I just want to hold you, hug, and kiss you again… I want it to be just like the old times… Please…”

“It’s okay, it’s all okay…” Y/N barely managed to weave his words together through his breathy sobs. “I would like that, very much… I’m sorry, Wooseok, I should’ve-”

“You have absolutely nothing to worry about, babe…” Wooseok leaned back to wipe away his boyfriend’s tears, still streaming down his cheeks, and glistening in the spotlights still hanging over them. The heat blistering between Wooseok’s fingers singed Y/N’s skin with the scorch marks of admiration, his thumbs gently gliding across his cheeks reminding both of them how much they yearned for their delicate touches, and their interlocked gazes helping them reminisce about simpler times. Much simpler times… “Thank you. I love you, so so so so so much…”

Hearing him say those words after so long, and feeling the symphonies of sincerity lacing his words made Y/N lean his head back on Wooseok’s shoulder and melt further into his loving embrace. 

They parted slowly, Y/N’s fingers still loosely entwined with the older’s, and his heart still burning with the passionate flames of a reinvigorated fondness. It has been so difficult, easing into this competition without feeling Wooseok’s soothing hands skipping stones of tenderness across his skin, or having his heart broken with every passing elimination and not having those perfect, rose lips to mend it back together. Hearing ‘I love you’ from him meant more than anything to him.

“Now go, give your speech, you deserve it…” Wooseok pulls Y/N back in for a quick embrace, giving a secret kiss under his jaw before hopping back up the stairs, looking around with a satisfied smile at all the other boys who still had hints of surprise still lingering on their faces.

Dongwook handed Y/N another microphone with a sweet smile strewn across his pale, pink lips. He has watched Y/N grow so much in the past couple months that he has known him, and he could not be more proud of the boy standing before him.

“Hello, I’m Y/N form Pledis Entertainment!” Y/N bowed to the crowd and the screams of congratulations flooded the entire venue, the applause and relentless cheers making the sapphire lights cast upon them convulse to the noise. “When I lost my voice and went to F, I thought I was a failure… I-I knew I was a failure.” All of the fans yell a chorus of ‘NO!’s back at him, causing a weak chuckle to roll off his tongue and through his quivering lips, “but you all made me feel so loved, so wanted - it’s been such a long time…” He looked at the trainers across the stage, at the trainees still standing on the X below him and to all of the people that he made such beautiful memories with. He wished - more than anything - that he could take all of the boys with him. “Whether it be helping me get my voice back, helping me with dancing, singing, or just being a better person - a better everything.” He looked up and around him, watching with a thin smile, flourishing with the tiny sparks of bliss. “You’ve all treated me so well. In this group, I will repay you with everything I have, and give you the Y/N that will not put your faith in vain. Thank you so much!” Y/N let one last sob rip through his upturned lips before giving the microphone back to Dongwook and sitting down in the chair behind him, the gold ‘X’ never shining brighter, and the blue leather resting under his hands never feeling better - softer. 

This was it, this was the start of something new. Something better…

Much better…

*

These past couple weeks with the eleven boys that have somehow burrowed deeper into his heart have been magnificent, and spending more time with Wooseok has made their connection that much stronger, their love burning even brighter than the days they first got together.

They were laying on his bed in their dorm, the dark grey sheets rippling against their interwoven bodies, and the pale moonlight seeping through the windows, draping against them. Wooseok’s hand was lost in Y/N’s hair, mindlessly threading his fingers between his locks and pressing his lips to the knuckles that he pulled towards him. The haze of pure, untainted bliss surrounded them, strumming the strings of their heart and belting a symphony of admiration that soared gracefully throughout the room, nothing but the warmth of their love and the tranquil silence.

“We have so much time to make up for.” Wooseok wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s waist, the fingers that ran along his hands in a haphazard daze making his grip tighter with every one of their interwoven heartbeats that meandered in the peaceful air hovering around them. He did not want to lose Y/N - the biggest blessing in his life - never again. 

“Tell me about it…”

“I missed this too, your skin is so soft, so warm…” Wooseok traced kisses across Y/N’s collar bones, the hums of comfort and pleasure that stirred above him, settling into the gelid air of nightfall coiling their bodies. 

“I mean, I have been using this new lotion, and you know Areum from Uni?”

“Yeah-”

“She gave me advice on some face masks and primers, I-” Y/N finally looked up to see the older’s stoic expression and his sarcastically lidded eyes, prepared to roll into his skull at any given moment. “Oh, that… Is not what you meant.”

Y/N tries to stifle a screech into Wooseok’s shoulder as he was heaved up and tackled back into the bed, the older’s smirk searing into the younger’s chest, and their legs intertwining as soon as their gazes interlocked once more, the starlight caught in their stares, new galaxies of wonder forged with every blink. Wooseok buried his nose into the curve of Y/N’s neck, upturned lips seizing supple skin, and a sigh of alleviation seeping further into it.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I meant…” Wooseok’s eyes shone with the sparks of his admiration - ones that never died - the moonlight that bathed his pale skin glossing over his magnetic lips, and entwining with the gentle, brown waves that swathed his forehead. “But it’s like my hands never forgot you, I’m glad.”

“Me too, Seokie…”

Their soft smiles weaved together in a seamless dance of sweltering admiration, hands, and fingers - surging with the warmth of compassion - wandering over skin in cherishing touches. All of the painful memories, harbouring nothing but painful silence and vague, heartless texts, dissipating in the haze of their euphoria, and the mist of twilight settling between the languid pulses of their lips. Blissful embers took flight in the peaceful currents swelling throughout the room, all of the tiny habits that lingered in their minds, and shone under the barren abyss of the night performing under the spotlight of their heavy breaths after so long. Like how Wooseok would always roll them over and have the younger’s precious thighs seize his waist, or how Y/N would edge his teeth into his boyfriend’s lip every once in a while. It was the little things, the shifting of touches, and the feathery kisses that trailed their jawlines, that made them happy.

They both pulled back, lidded eyes - pulled down by the weight of the heavy dusk - and lethargic smiles gracing their features before they drifted off to sleep, Y/N still laying on Wooseok’s chest, and the latter’s nose buried in the head of hair that was still marred by the scorch marks of his delicate touches.

“Oh-” The opening of their bedroom door went unnoticed by the peacefully sleeping boys as Yohan popped his head through the crack he made for himself, the tangle of limbs on the bed casting a bright smile across his lips. “Yep, this ship is definitely sailing.”

[reguliesblack]

✶ characters tag drop pt.4

[clawbehavior]

‘why does it have to be kang yohan?’ soohyun asks, voice flat with inevitably.

'i don't know.' gaon approaches, choreographing his intent. he pulls her into a hug when she doesn't resist. 'it's fucked up. i'm fucked up but i miss him terribly. i want him.'

'what if he breaks your heart again?' she asks dully.

'he might,' gaon admits, squeezing her in final consolation. 'but i'll go my whole life regretting it if i don't try.'

--

an update to 'everything everywhere all at once' is now live! incredible!! when i say i worked on this chapter for months non stop i am so serious. seeing a difficult problem through to its end is a big deal for me. eeaao truly is my a03 oeuvre.

at one point, i had all these documents open for this single update:

ch 7 pt 4_ ch7_pt 4-rewrite ch 7 pt 4_newest bg_line by line_2 ch 7_conflict the bear_rough 5 things fall apart_3 remaining scene things fall apart_interlude

[clawbehavior]

Hi 🦚

Behind the Scenes Writing Ask Game :

✏️"what are your current WIPs about?"

📝"what stages are you currently in your WIPs?"

❤️"what are your favorite scenes from your WIPs?"

Thank you 🪷

i wanted to review my WIPs after completing eeaao so i am so glad that you asked this anon!! muah

✏️"what are your current WIPs about?"

here are the ones i want to publish soon:

- elevator troubles ch 3, with smut in yohan's office. 

- my heart is going back you, where yohan finds gaon in sunah's clutches, the aftermath of what she did and the descent into depravity

- a story where gaon visits the kangs post canon, expecting them to be in a modern mansion on the outskirts of Zurich and instead finds them in a four storey house in a migrant neighborhood that's so close to the subway that it's packed with ppl. he's disoriented by that choice and by how homely he finds the house as if it were made for him too.

- batman yohan + lois lane gaon, which is a plot bunny i pilfered from godotismissing and which was further developed in conversation with fr-iwiwiw

- strangers in a bar au.

📝"what stages are you currently in your WIPs?"

- elevator troubles: 90 per cent done, need inspo for a scene 

- mhigbty: ch 3-5 are 75 per cent done but ch 2 is only 5 per cent done 😭 this is where gaon and jinjoo get dinner which is crucial to the larger plot

- gaon in switzerland post canon: outline but no draft

- batman and lois lane: outline but no draft 

- strangers in a bar au: 75 per cent done

❤️"what are your favorite scenes from your WIPs?"

i posted snippets that i love from elevator troubles, strangers in a bar au and mhigbty here elsewhere on my blog.

in terms of new stuff, there's this one scene in gaon in switzerland post canon that i love where gaon is so bamboozled by the kangs' choice of housing that it keeps him up at night. so he pulls a kim gaon and goes exploring, ending up in yohan's study. he realizes that yohan did that whole study space himself. yohan painted the walls and ceilings sea green and plastered the ceiling corner where the bed is so that it slopes downwards to make a cozy den. yohan painted and plastered because he loves building his home with his hands.

that realization moves gaon deeply. he falls asleep in the bed in yohan's study and wakes up to yohan carding his fingers through gaon's hair. it's their first meeting after canon so they haven't revealed their feelings yet. 

tysm for these questions and for showing interest, anon ❤️❤️

[clawbehavior]

not actually a question, but a declaration and a thanks.

I love your stories, Enantiomer is especially my personal favorite! I had a greedy moment after I finished reading chapter 3, write a comment that may or may not seem delirious bcs there were things I think I missed (I forgot which is the older twin from Gaon and Isaac), the small things like that. I decided to immediately reread the whole story and I thought, these 3 chapters are enough!

let me tell you, I always shed tears reading the 2nd chapter. chapter 3 feels like having your prayers answered/ a breeze in a very hot weather. it just feels right and peaceful, hopeful ending. the ending is enough to make me wonder how the characters will fare in the future but i have faith they're in a happy place. it's that kind of story for me.

i will reign my excitement and overflowing feelings for this story of yours as to not scare you off or make you overwhelmed with my responses here and there. thankyou you wonderful human!

i once read this beautiful post by Paulo Cohelo where he described getting a comment from a reader across the world about how touching they found The Alchemist, so he got up and and went outside and looked up at the sky. reading your comment made me understand what he meant by that, what he felt, and why he did it. 

i'm so, so happy that 'enantiomers' touched you deeply. because i also care about them deeply. like you, i felt hurt for yohan in chapter 2 and relief for their growing family in chapter 3. but as you know, being a creator means wondering if your art/story/plot/setting/characterization that you experience so richly when creating them also come across like that to your reader; if someone will be similarly moved by your story as you. and you got it!!! you picked up on all these tiny and crucial details; the differences between the twins, how kang jisang had left an impression on isaac, gahan's hyung kink, that gaon badly wanted to be loved and yohan badly wanted to give it to him. getting your comments made writing that story worth it. 

i totally agree that the fic left off on a hopeful note even if the way forwards seems unclear. strong emotions like theirs take time to fully resolve, no matter how genuine the effort behind it. but i know they get through it. gaon and yohan actively include isaac (and his little family) in their lives. they show up when things get tough, congratulate each other on their wins, push each other gently when needed, and are there for each other. isaac's whole thing with their relationship stemmed from a fear of change and losing yohan. but seeing yohan be healthy and happy and being actively included in their lives settles him. as a result, gaon feels secure too. 

actually, reading your comments made me want to write a version of this story where kim deji is alive, gahan still falls in love, and she lovingly guides everyone through that transition. it starts with gaon waiting for his train on an outdoor platform and watching trains pull in and out of the station. he makes eye contact with a university student through the glass. it shouldn't be anything big except that the young man visibly starts and says something to gaon through the glass. gaon blinks back in confusion, but the train is already pulling out of the station. the young man frantically runs the length of it inside while gaon watches. gaon sees him mouthing the words ishmael and isaac, realizes that this man knows his brother/his family and they share a grief stricken look before the train pulls away completely. 

gaon stays rooted to the platform. he misses his train. but it's worth it because yohan gets down at the next station and runs all the way back to the older man, catching hold of him. gaon can barely make out what the younger man is saying, talking a mile a minute as he is, until yohan pulls out his phone, calls kim deji, and gaon hears his mother's voice for the first time in decades. 

--

a little gift for you for your lovely comments. i will cherish them deeply. thank you. 

[khaoray]