#chefs

[mostly-funnytwittertweets]

[canyourfavesurvivecastledracula]

could amelia bedelia survive castle dracula

Sgslhdhldgls

Okay so Amelia Bedelia does one thing incredibly well which is to make cookies. This is not the thing she is known for. But it is her greatest skill and asset and the thing that keeps her employed in the face of All That. Jonathan Harker self-soothes by describing the scenery; Amelia Bedelia does so by making cookies.

Tragically, Dracula doesn't eat cookies, so this will not help her in any way. He probably doesn't even have any chocolate chips.

Her one advantage I think is this. It's possible that when Dracula says to her: "enter freely, go safely, and leave something of the happiness you bring" she just. Does That. Dracula is left with a batch of fresh cookies (what is happiness if not cookies?) just standing there going "what???"

But like. It's not magic. Amelia Bedelia's efforts to take him at his word and Go Safely are not going to protect her from wolves or from Dracula just hauling her back again if he is so inclined. Her thing is she's very earnest and genuinely wants to do a good job - she's not Ella Enchanted who has no choice in the matter. If there's any magic, it's in the cookies, which let her get away with, well, being Amelia Bedelia. And as I said, cookies aren't going to work on Dracula.

So let's say she's been hired to tidy up the place and get it guest ready. She's going to Do Her Best to literally interpret every instruction she's given until Dracula is pulling out his mustache about it, and every time his back is turned she's going to make cookies about it. I imagine by the time they're done with each other Dracula will have entirely sworn off hired help. If the alternative is having his whole house dusted (that's why the ladies' wing is so dusty, Amelia Bedelia did that), he can roll up his sleeves and do the housework himself.

I think Amelia Bedelia would make a GREAT vampire, she's even more rules governed than they are. However I don't think Dracula wants her to be a vampire anywhere near him. Fortunately he's moving to England far far away from the cookie fiend.

I think Amelia Bedelia can not survive Castle Dracula, but she can show Dracula an incredibly bad time and a lot of cookies, which might be worth it

[mysharona1987]

This is when Gordon Ramsey *seriously* yells at you.

Ethnic Cleansing lifestyle cooking should not be a thing.

[scentedwonderlandpoetry]

I’ve done a lot of research into this theory of mine

[speakspeak]

Timeless Cool: Anthony Bourdain & Iggy Pop

[courtingwonder]

Easy Spice Combos For Different Flavor Profiles

[shiraglassman]

Ok so who else's favorite character from Legends and Lattes was Thimble because everything about him makes me freaking tear up 🤗

🐀🥧

[jaubaius]

Amazing skills 

[thatsbelievable]

[high-quality-tiktoks]

Tomato pasta with burrata is one of my go-to comfort meals

[thegoodmorningman]

Always already be having a Good Morning!!!

[canyourfavesurvivecastledracula]

Hitter

@would-we-be-friends-if-i asked:

Eliot Spencer (ex special forces, chef, private bodyguard/wet work man, very good at identifying a wide range of things by their minute but distinct differences)

@pomrania writes:

Eliot is a skilled grifter (specialized in making himself seem not a threat) AND a skilled fighter (and more importantly he knows when NOT to fight) AND he has a ridiculous variety of sundry skills he's highly talented in, so there's prolly like twenty different ways he could survive.

@r0sequarks writes:

Eliot…it comes down to whether he tries to fight Dracula (look, worlds best hitter isn’t helping, he loses a straight fight) or if he knows better to play dumb/try to run. Depends on why he’s there and what he wants; I think he’d wise up and get out of there in most cases but baby murder could drive him to fight and die.

@darthlordcommie writes:

Elliot: It all comes down to whether Elliot clocks how dangerous Dracula is in terms of a fight. If he realizes that there's no way he'll be beating Dracula in a fight, he'll slip out the window. He's weak to the trance, but he's very quickly on top of things, and if he can make it to the wolves, he's got survival training, he can make it past the wolves.

@siredgarconanshakespeare writes:

#my money is that eliot could TOTALLY do it #but we shall see

---------------------------------------------------

Eliot Spencer is definitely smarter than he looks, acts, or our best testing indicates. He can punch his way out of any situation that a way can be punched out of. He's the second best actor in the crew after Sophie. He speaks Romanian I'm sure - heck, he probably Knows A Guy. He has opinions about Dracula's cooking. He's not worried about wolves, he's comforting those poor horses (Certified Horse Girl powers). If anyone can charm a vampire babe, he can. He puts up with Hardison on purpose. Eliot Spencer has every skill he could possibly want to survive Castle Dracula.

HOWEVER. He is the character I am most immediately sure is not making it out.

I think he does recognize the threat. He can probably understand the warnings being shouted at him and understands that the key to survival is being underestimated, which he is very very good at. I think he will recognize that even he cannot punch his way through a master vampire in his own stronghold. I think he could make it past ordinary wolves through his own prowess but also his understanding of and respect for the natural world; I think he will fare less well against wolves that are being supernaturally commanded to kill him specifically - but again I think he will recognize that and not try that route. As you say, he knows how to fight and when not to fight. That's not the issue.

Eliot is not going to make it for one reason and one reason alone, which is that Dracula just so happens to have his personal kryptonite: Children In Peril.

Eliot can think strategically. He can unassume with the best of them and stay in character, fly under the radar. He can do whatever he needs to do to survive. But not when there's a child in danger. The minute kids enter the picture, Eliot goes off the rails - and that's when he has a crew counting on him. But alone? In Castle Dracula? With baby eating monsters and only his own life on the line? (And we all know he considers himself both expendable and beyond redemption).

When the job is Stay Alive I think he can do it. But from May 16th on the job becomes Kill Dracula, and I don't think he can do that. And even if he can go back to strategy-and-survival mode, knowing that the first child is past saving, the minute he sees Dracula heading down the wall with his baby-snatching sack, he's going in for the kill, never mind this is a fight he can't win. Jonathan wishes for a gun to shoot Dracula off the wall; Eliot doesn't use guns, so instead he'll throw a whole Eliot at him.

And that is why Eliot Spencer can not survive Castle Dracula

[mysharona1987]

Try reading this: but from his wife’s perspective.

[scentedwonderlandpoetry]

Chefs are just a divergent subspecies of Witches.

They both go to lengths to gather ingredient for their various brews and potions. Keep all their vast knowledge in a sacred tome (spell book and cook book)

Both cook in a large pot and most notably both wear large hats to signify who they are.

[keepersofmyheart]

Ice cream cone cupcakes

These are awesome and great for parties