#chrisopher diaz

[eddiebabygirldiaz]

still the bone remembers, still it wants | eddie+wanting fic | 20k/146k | chapter 1/9 | read on ao3

The thing is, wanting has always been easy.

The thing is, wanting has always been so hard.

or, eddie goes to therapy and learns how to want. buck helps.

snippet:

Eddie looks at Frank head-on, painfully aware of the weighty, purple bags under his eyes and the hunch of his shoulders and the bleak sensation of being lost that is probably stretched across his face, and he runs Frank’s question through his head once more.

What do you want?

It sounds a lot like What are you afraid of? even if the voice is less cherished and a different tenor, even if the question is lacking that particular brand of Buckley care that feels like you are being handed pieces of sunlight. The intention of it is the same, the gentle dig of it into the soft fleshy bits of himself that Eddie has worked so hard to keep hidden and is now working so hard to uncover, well, that’s the same too.

Eddie was honest with Buck, and he thinks he can be honest with Frank. He thinks he might even want to.

“I don’t know.”

read the rest on ao3

[spicyrottingbrains]

Ohkie since buck said the whole marisol and Chris knowing about this imma need chris to NEVER meet Kim. He doesn't need to know about this AT ALL. That boy has had enough truamato last him multiple lifetimes. He doesnt need anymore. No more. Pls he cannot find out about or know anything about this.

[ebdaydreamer]

it should be him

9-1-1 - 882 words

6x10 spec: Something icy settles in Bobby’s chest. Chris. It’s not often Eddie is in the hospital overnight, but every time he has been, it was Buck letting Christopher know. Buck was the one that would stay with him. Buck was the one that would bring him to the hospital if they could.

[AO3]

Despite being clearly reluctant to let go, Eddie hands off Buck to the doctors with relative ease. Bobby’s pretty sure it’s the shock. The fight comes in when Hen tries to guide him to a bed in the ER to get checked out himself.

“You got thrown off the ladder, Eddie,” she says sternly but not unkind. “Don’t waste time arguing with me.”

Thankfully, the man’s concussion isn’t so bad that he’s lost all sense to start a fight with Hen, but he definitely does have a concussion and along with a few other bumps and bruises. The doctors want to keep him overnight. Eddie tries to put up a fight, which Bobby almost laughs at, considering he would be spending all night in this hospital standing vigil for Buck otherwise.

“Chris…” he tries to argue.

And something icy settles in Bobby’s chest. Chris. It’s not often Eddie is in the hospital overnight, but every time he has been, it was Buck letting Christopher know. Buck was the one that would stay with him. Buck was the one that would bring him to the hospital if they could.

“Don’t grab your phone. I’ll call Carla, have her bring him, if you want?”

Eddie nods and finally seems to settle somewhat at that.

Bobby leaves Hen with him and moves out into the waiting room to make the call. Maddie has finally arrived, curled up in Chimney’s arms. He knows the Buckleys are in town - he got several stressed-out rants from Chimney - but no sign of them. Of course not. Buck had told him how they weren’t good with their kids in hospitals after Daniel.

At least not all of your kids are dead, he thinks. At least Buck made it to the hospital.

He almost didn’t. He flatlined before they got him to the ambulance. But Buck made it further than Bobby Jr and Brooke got, so Bobby would take that as a blessing.

Chimney’s eyes found his as the call connected. He explains in vague terms to Carla, leaving out why it’s him that’s calling.

“God, that kid has gone through so much,” comments Chimney once he’s hung up.

“Well, he’s not lost anyone else yet.”

The two wander in about an hour later - quite frankly a miracle with the weather. Bobby hopes it’s not the last one they’ll get today.

“Hey, Chris.” Bobby kneels in front of him.

The boy looks tired, and Bobby has a feeling that’s not because of the late hour. “Hey, Cap. What happened to Dad?”

“He had a fall. He’s going to be perfectly fine, the doctors just want to keep an eye on him for the night.”

Chris nods, but his eyes are distant. He bites on his bottom lip before asking in the softest voice Bobby’s ever heard from the kid, “Where’s Buck?”

Because he’s used to Buck being the one here when his Dad is hurt. Because Buck is his family. Yes, all of the 118 are family, but not in the way Buck is to this kid. Because whilst it should be Buck telling Chris his Dad is hurt, it should also be Eddie telling him that Buck is hurt.

Because when one parent is hurt, they let the other parent break the news.

Bobby tries to keep his tone steady - the one he uses for families at a scene. “He also had a fall. He’s in surgery right now.”

“It’s bad, isn’t it?”

Bobby manages to choke out, “We’re gonna find out.”

He leads the pair to Eddie’s room. Hen has stepped out, leaving Eddie hunching over on the bed. His head is in his hands, and his shoulders are shaking.

“Dad!”

Eddie looks up and frantically wipes at his eyes. “Hey, buddy.”

Chris looks terrified, and it briefly occurs to Bobby that the last time he probably saw Eddie cry like this was the night of his breakdown.

And the last time he saw Buck like this was when Eddie got shot.

Chris almost trips over a chair in his haste to reach his Dad. The two Diaz boys embrace each other, and Bobby can’t help but think about the missing piece of their family.

Bobby goes to give them some privacy, to let Eddie answer Chris’ questions, when Eddie calls out his name.

He turns back around and puts on his best smile.

“The second you hear anything? OK?” His grip on his son tightens. “I don’t care what time or if I’m asleep. You tell me, and you take me to him, alright?”

Like Bobby could stop him if he tried.

Marcy, Athena… he knows all too well what it was like when the person you love, your partner, is clinging to life. He remembers the importance of their pulse beneath his fingertips, their breath in his ears, to be there when their eyes opened.

“Of course. The second we hear a thing.”

Bobby isn’t sure if he knows (or if even Maddie knows), but Buck made Eddie his first emergency contact after the shooting. He’s already let the nurses know, so chances are Eddie will be the first to know anyway.

Because the three of them? They’re a family. And the two of them? Well, only time will tell.

Bobby just hopes they get that chance.

[bidisasterevankinard]

I can't stop thinking about 7s idea where Chris is cold to Buck and then Chris' words lead to buck's breakdown, but what if Buck's breakdown would be sometime after but before it he would give Chris and Eddie some time without him, but Eddie who didn't know about Chris words, introduce his bf to team, Chris and Buck, and Buck sees three of them together laughing, and Eddie and he has another divorce era(which is actually divorce era only now cause 3s it was little break) and Chris not talking to him cause he thinks Buck would leave him and Buck sees them happy without him and thinks "well I already lost them so what the damage" he tells Eddie he loves him during the fight they would have soon after that when Buck wouldn't be around and Eddie would be angry like in 3x5 and Buck just "i love you. But i can't have you. And Chris hates me. So that's the point to hold onto you when you doesn't need me?" and then after that he has breakdown and Eddie is around and they look for the path to healing and to be family again together

[thekristen999]

Definitely feel like this is foreshadowing Christopher in danger in 6B and Eddie having to save or protect him. . Such a plot's been brewing for a while. I don't make the rules but I'd love to see Eddie a little unhinged.

[confessionsofatvjunkie]

Christopher doesn’t ask Buck if he’s gonna be okay, he TELLS Buck he’s gonna be okay. Because Buck told him he wasn’t going anywhere and Buck would never break his promise! 

[graveyardlifeguard]

Survivors Part 2

Summary: Occurs during the events of Season 4x13 and Season 4x14 of 9-1-1.

*This is my first attempt at writing after many, many years so please go easy on me*

Warnings: Shooting, Injury, Blood

Notes: This one's going to be a touch long so I don't have to break it so awkwardly, but the next part will be out really soon!

Strictly Angst with a teeny tiny bit of Fluff

Eddie Diaz x Paramedic! Reader

Later that night at home, Chris and I stood by the door and watched as Eddie fiddled with the couch pillows. Carla was coming back tonight, and Eddie was only slightly excited about her return. He had been fussing over intricate details since we had gotten home from work.

“What do you think? That looks better right?” Eddie asks, still fussing over the same two pillows he has been playing with for the last 5 minutes.

“I think it looks exactly the same.” Chris laughs as we watch Eddie continue to fluff the pillows.

“I just want everything to be perfect. It’s been over a year” Eddie finally turns around to look at Christopher and me.

“It’s going to be awesome!” Chris says. He had missed Carla more than anything in the world. With Eddie obviously in the number 1 spot, there was no doubt in my mind that Carla was number 2 on his list of favorite people. She had always been a steady female presence in his life that I knew that he needed. Whether he knew it or not. My thoughts are quickly interrupted by the knocking at the door that Chris excitedly moves towards. Opening the door, Chris all but screams Carla’s name before she laughs and wraps him up in a giant hug. The smiles on Christopher and Eddie’s faces are bright enough to light all of California with. Letting Christopher have the first hug, Eddie and I move slowly towards Carla before joining in the hug. If Carla didn’t feel missed based off of the giant hug, I don’t know how else we could have shown her.

Sitting around the table just like old times, eating and laughing together brought back a lot of great memories. Christopher had just gotten done telling Carla one of his crazy stories from school. “I’m sure your teacher was thrilled.” Carla laughs in return at his story. Noticing that the plates are empty, Eddie leans forward to grab them up as I quickly jump up to grab them for him.

“No, no, no let me grab those” I say, hurriedly moving to gather up the plates.

Carla tries to offer her help with Chris jumping in to stop her, “You can’t go in the kitchen!” Chris exclaims.

Carla gives him a funny look while I try to cover out tracks, it’s a secret that Christopher is very adamant on.

“That’s right,” I start as Eddie smiles and nods is head in agreeance, “we have some business to take care of." Carla chuckles as Christopher and I head off towards the kitchen.

We dump the dirty plates into the sink before I grab both of the cakes we made out of the oven, where we left them to sit until the right moment.

“Can we yell surprise when we come out of the kitchen?” Chris asked.

I laughed and before responding, “Well of course, how else would we surprise her.”

Christoper had begged us to make Carla two cakes, one for each birthday we had missed with her while she was away. He had chosen the colors of the cake, pink and blue. He had explained to Eddie and me that we needed both colors to split between the two boys and two girls. Opening the kitchen door and stepping out, we both yelled surprise, catching Carla off guard. Christopher walked up to Carla and wished her a Happy Birthday; we all knew her birthday is in March, but it felt right to celebrate the ones we missed together. Plus, who didn’t love extra cake.

“Light the candles dad.” Chris says to Eddie with Eddie magically pulling out candles from thin air. Carla looks over the two cakes, quickly counting the number of candles that were scattered across both tops.

“Okay that is a disturbing number of candles.” She laughs as Chrisopher moves to stand next to me.

“Thank goodness there’s a firefighter and paramedic in the house.” I smile up at Christopher, loving the way he had absolutely lit up with Carla back around. I know he had missed her and had certainly taken it hard when she had to leave to be with her dad. He was sad but also understood that she needed to be with her dad just like he needed to be with his. Looking back towards the table, I couldn’t help but notice the way that Eddie was already smiling at me. He looked at me the way that every girl wanted to be looked at. The smile that he gave me made it hard for me to not smile back. He and Christoher were my entire world and there was nothing that I wouldn’t do to keep them with me.

————

The next shift was exactly like the last one, busy and filled with paperwork. I was at the station for maybe thirty minutes in total, all day. And somehow not once did I run calls with the 118. Which meant that I did not get to see or talk to any of them, excluding Hen who had called to get advice about a call they were on, until it was time to pack up and go home for the day. Luckily, my relief had shown up early, meaning that I was able to shower and change before I normally was able to. Walking out of the dorms, I find Eddie standing at the bay door, a contemplative look on his face.

I make my over to him before asking, “What’s got you thinking so hard my love?” He looks up, startled, as if I had completely snuck up on him. He gives me one of his dazzling smiles before shaking his head.

“Just a call we went on today, something seems off but I’m not sure what it is.” he replies.

That’s understandable. I feel like most of the calls we run nowadays are just off. I had honestly chalked most of it up to being my paranoia from the crazy Covid calls we received.

“Do you want to talk about it on the way home? Maybe I can help you work it out.” I ask him.

He smiles and shakes his had before saying, “We’ve both had a hell of a day, work is going to stay at work. It’s my time to have you all to myself.”

He bumps his shoulder into mine before grabbing my hand and leading us to the car. After the shift we had, it was nice to know that no one needed us. At least for the next 9 hours that was.

At home, I had opted to start the laundry while Eddie moved into the kitchen to start dinner. Carla and Christopher were in the living room reading together when we got home. After receiving a huge hug from Chris, I started into the bedroom to collect our laundry basket. Once laundry was started, and I was in much more comfortable clothes, I made my way into the living room. Only to find it empty with voices being heard in Christophers room. Inside, Christopher, Carla and Eddie seemed to be sorting through old toys of Chris.’

“Wow, someone’s feeling generous.” I comment after finding the trio, moving to sit down on the floor near Chris’ bed.

“I got to talk to a boy that Dad met at work, he’s sick and can’t go out much. I want to give him some of my old toys.” Christopher replies. He hands over an old police car and book that I know he hasn’t played with in a while. Looking up at Eddie, he notices the hint of confusion on my face. I know we hadn’t talked much, but I hadn’t heard of his new friend he seemed to have made today.

“Did you happen to see the structural collapse call were on around lunch time?” He questions. I shake my head ‘no’ as I lean over to help go though toys.

Eddie continues on after seeing my answer, “This boy’s mom semi-fell through her balcony and her son, who’s around Chris’ age, called it in. He has an auto-immune disorder and isn’t able to leave the house much. I ended up staying with her son while she went to the hospital.”

The story quickly catches my attention. My head shoots up and can I tell my face is giving away my thoughts. It so often does as Eddie continuously points out to me.

“Would this call happened to have occurred at The Regal Point Apartments?”

Eddie looks up at me and nods, “Yeah it was, I thought you didn’t see the call? Well anyways the mom was telling me that since she has to stay home and take her of her son, people have been generous enough to donate to them through online donation sites. Chris here had the great idea of donating some of his toys to the son.”

There it is again.

There’s that red flag, waving now at the forefront of my mind. This has to be Shiela and Charlie. I think it over before standing up and telling Chris how proud I am of his generosity. “I’ll be right back.” I state to the group before exiting the room. Eddie gives me a questioning look as I leave.

————

Making my way into the kitchen, I sit down at the kitchen table, open my laptop, and begin doing some research on Sheila and Charlie Leute on a local Fund Me page. Although I began my search locally, I quickly find multiple Fund Me pages scattered across the West coast. The most interesting detail is the fact that each account with their first name ends up coming back with a different last name. The red flag initially waving in my brain is now the size of a football field. I knew it. Jumping up from the kitchen table, I walk back towards where I know the trio still sat. Leaning up against the door frame, I look over to Eddie, knowing that this would hurt his feelings.

“Hey Eddie, can I talk to you for a second?” I ask, starting to walk back towards the kitchen.

Eddie glances up at me before he stands up and starts making his way towards me. He stops short of the doorway and turns back to Carla and Chris.

“Don’t let him give away the whole house while I’m gone!” Eddie continues behind me where we start back towards the kitchen. I can hear Carla laughing at Eddie’s comment, she knows that Christopher is just that generous to do so.

“What’s going on?” Eddie questions.

“I was thinking about what you said, how that family supports themselves through their Fund Me page, so I started looking around.” I sit back down at the laptop while Eddie chooses to lean up against the cabinets. It was hard to stay focused on the task at hand when he did things like that. Something about him leaning against things had an unnecessary affect on me.

“You went snooping?” I can feel the questioning look aimed towards the back at my head. I swivel in my seat so he can see the serious look on my face. Although the hint of a smile on my face certainly doesn’t help my case. I begin fiddling with my ring finger, where my actual engagement ring sits on full display. Being able to see it and feel it helps me relax, my body already knowing how important this situation is.

“The family and story just seemed really familiar to a call I had the other night. At the same address. I was hoping for it be a coincidence but that’s unfortunately not the case. Alicia and I went out there the other night for the son and something just didn’t seem right then. I thought I was just being overdramatic, so I let it go. But I think there is something wrong with this woman. I think she lied to us”

Eddie gives me yet another confused look before pulling out the chair beside me and sitting down. He throws his arm over my shoulder and slides the chair closer to me. I can tell that he understands how strongly I feel about this just by the look he is giving me.

“Well,” He starts “you know I trust your instincts so what do you have?”

[buddiedreams]

strange look on his face | a buddie fic

read here on ao3

Summary: Eddie deals with the aftermath of Christopher's departure and a realization he wasn't expecting.

Warnings/Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Feelings Realization, Pining Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Pre-Relationship Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, POV Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Christopher Diaz Has Two Dads, Eddie Diaz Loves Evan "Buck" Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley is Christopher Diaz's Parent, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz First Kiss, First Kiss, Soft Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Gay Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Bisexual Evan "Buck" Buckley, Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Christopher Diaz is a Sweetheart, Evan "Buck" Buckley Acting as Christopher Diaz's Parental Figure

Christopher has been gone for three and a half weeks when Eddie finally realizes. He’s been through six sessions of therapy with Frank, but it’s not Frank that makes it finally click in his head. It’s the most insanely mundane thing Eddie’s ever seen Buck do, and it hits him like a fucking freight train.

Buck is just sitting on the end of the couch, folding a load of his and Eddie’s laundry, grinning down at his phone. He’s texting Chris, Eddie knows—he’d asked with a strange pit in his stomach when he first noticed, thinking he was talking to Tommy and dreading the answer. Until Buck had looked at him, fondness so clear in his eyes that if Eddie wasn’t already sitting down, his knees would have buckled, and admits that he’s talking to Christopher. Eddie doesn’t even have to ask for Buck to explain that Chris was talking about going horse riding with his cousins, and how he was complaining that his grandparents didn’t want him to go. Buck gently admits that he’d told Christopher to be nice but to explain to them that he knows his own limitations and he needs them to trust that he’s being honest with them, and Chris had texted back to thank Buck for the advice and send a picture of the horse he was going to be riding.

It’s so stupid. Buck has been basically co-parenting Chrisopher with him for years, and this is what does it? Sure, Buck generally defers to Eddie’s judgment regarding Christopher, and Eddie’s always the one to dole out punishments in the rare circumstance that Chris needs one, but for all intents and purposes, Buck is Christopher’s other dad. Maybe it’s the combination of things he’s been talking with Frank about, or maybe it’s just watching Buck help to shape the confidence of his son, but it finally clicks into place in his brain and he draws in a sharp breath. It feels like a monumental shift and no shift at all, how much he loves Buck. How much he’s in love with Buck. Eddie’s sure Buck could see his frantic heartbeat in his neck if he looked over, but he’s focused on his conversation with their son, and all Eddie wants to do is cry. He’s not even sure why. He’s just so fucking overwhelmed that he rattles off a quiet explanation of going to the bathroom and all but flees from the room.

They have a shift in two hours, so he gives himself five minutes to freak the hell out before splashing some cold water on his face and taking a few deep breaths to collect himself. He can keep it together. He can. He’s apparently been in love with his best friend this entire time, just because he realizes it now doesn’t mean anything has to change. He’ll just… unpack this with Frank in therapy and then push it back into the box before he has to hang out with Buck again. Easy.

He lasts about ten minutes, which he thinks is actually fairly good. Buck has his head thrown back, laughing at something in the show he’s watching, and Eddie can’t help but stare. He’s seen Buck before, but it’s like he’s suddenly seeing him in a new light. Like he’s finally giving himself permission to look, which he absolutely should not be doing, but he can’t tear his eyes away. He’d always known objectively that Buck was beautiful, hell, he got hit on all the time on calls and when they went out, it’s not exactly a surprise to Eddie, but the sudden tightness in his jeans is a much bigger surprise than he’s ready for. He can’t pull his eyes away from Buck’s lips, the lines of his throat, and can’t help but wonder what that would feel like around his cock.

Holy shit, he needs the coldest shower on the planet right now. Instead, he shuffles just a little to relieve some of the pressure on his aching dick and focuses his attention on whatever show Buck is currently invested in, letting himself get distracted enough that he’s mostly okay once they head out for work.

He makes it through a couple hours of their shift without incident, until Tommy shows up to have dinner with them. Buck looks surprised and a little annoyed—what the fuck is that about—so Eddie assumes he hadn’t been invited, but it still makes him nauseous. He takes his normal seat on Buck’s left and sees Tommy giving him a weird look before taking the seat on Buck’s right.

Much to Eddie’s delight, Buck spends most of dinner chatting with the table at large, or tilting his phone so Eddie can see the pictures Chris is sending of himself and his cousins around a backyard campfire, sticky with marshmallow and grinning at the camera. It makes Eddie’s chest ache, in a good and bad way. He’s happy that Chris is having fun—he’d been able to admit that much to Frank too, which Frank had seemed impressed by—but Eddie can’t help but feel like he’s back in the army, missing his kid growing up. He knows it’s only for the summer, and that Christopher rightfully needed some space, but it doesn’t make it sting any less. Honestly, he thinks it stings more because he’d assumed that if Chris ran to anyone, it would be Buck. That Buck would have been the one looking after Christopher for the summer, that Eddie would still at least be in the same city as his kid. Not that it would have worked out anyway, since Buck offered the loft to Bobby and Athena after the fire, but it doesn’t make Eddie any less annoyed by the situation. His relationship with his parents has been getting better, marginally, but it’s like all of his worst fears coming true. They have Christopher now, and Eddie just has to trust that he’s going to come home at the end of the summer. It’s nerve wracking.

Buck walks Tommy out after dinner, and Eddie catches Tommy leaning in to kiss Buck, and in the back of his brain, he just wants. He wants Buck’s lips on his, wants to grab every part of skin he can reach, wants to lose himself in his best friend. And then his brain—his raised very Catholic brain—screeches to a halt as he realizes the implications.

He’s never been particularly religious, but he was raised in a Catholic household, so he’s still got some of the lingering ideas fighting for space in his brain, clearly. The particular one that’s bugging him right now is the one that reminds him that it’s a sin to be gay, to lust after another man. And while Eddie’s mostly able to reject it, since he sort of thinks it’s all bullshit anyway, there’s a piece of him that closes in on itself, and it makes his skin crawl. Normally, he’d talk to Buck about it, but that’s out of the question since he’d have to admit to the revelation he’s recently had, so Eddie turns to where Bobby is washing the dishes from dinner. It takes him all of three seconds to decide, and then he’s crossing the length of the loft to grab a towel and start drying.

Bobby glances at him but doesn’t say anything, which Eddie is incredibly grateful for. It takes him a couple of minutes of drying and putting the dishes away to collect himself and figure out exactly what the fuck he wants to ask, and how to ask it.

“Hey, Cap, you’re Catholic, right?”

Bobby turns to raise an eyebrow at him. “Yes. Is that what you came over to ask me?”

Eddie snorts. “Uh, not exactly. I—well, it’s sort of… complicated? I think I realized something about myself and, you know, I don’t know if I believe in that or not, but I grew up Catholic, so it’s still kind of, uh, infecting me I guess?” Eddie pauses, eyes widening in panic as he realizes what he’s just said. “Not that being Catholic is a bad thing! I just meant, you know, I don’t know if I agree with everything they teach, not that they’re bad people or something—” He stops when Bobby, chuckling to himself, puts a wet hand on his forearm and squeezes gently.

“Eddie, you don’t need to apologize to me. Faith isn’t for everyone, I know that. It’s helped me through some tough times, and it’s something that I think I’ll always hold space for because of that, but I don’t care what other people think of it. Besides, I don’t agree with everything the church teaches, either.” Bobby meets his eyes meaningfully, raising an eyebrow. “Particularly that they’re so unwelcoming to the queer community.”

Eddie swallows. “Right. So, um, I guess I was just sort of wondering about… confession? I haven’t been since I was a teenager, but I thought that it might… I don’t know, make me feel better about everything, I guess? But I don’t have a church I go to, so I figured maybe I should ask you. ”

Bobby raises an eyebrow at him. “Confession? Do you think you’ve done something that requires confession?”

Eddie bites his lip, resisting the sudden and overwhelming urge to look around and find Buck’s gaze. “I… I don’t know. Maybe? I just—I didn’t think it would matter to me but it sort of just hit me? My parents are God-fearing Texans, y’know, so…I guess it became part of my foundation when I was growing up?”

Bobby nods his understanding, taking the towel from Eddie to dry his own hands. “Sure, I can send you the address. But just so we’re on the same page? Not everything the Catholic church teaches is right, and you shouldn’t believe a lot of it. Especially when it makes you feel bad about parts of who you are. Okay?”

Eddie wants to throw up and also hug Bobby, and he isn’t quite sure which is going to win out, so he dries his own hands off and nods, shooting Bobby a small smile before whispering his thanks and heading off to finish up his chores.

They have almost nonstop calls until the end of their shift, so Eddie doesn’t even really get enough time to decide if he wants to try going to Bobby’s church or not. By the time he finally walks out of the station, a full two hours after his shift was supposed to end, he’s still not sure it’ll help, but it can’t hurt, surely, so he plugs the address into his GPS and heads directly there. He’s far too pent up from… well, everything, he wouldn’t be able to sleep even if he wanted to. Besides, there might not be anyone there to begin with. It’s after 10pm when he gets there, so he’s not expecting a whole hell of a lot when he steps through the surprisingly still unlocked front doors.

The church beyond the doors is silent and empty, at least from what Eddie can see. It’s just like the church he remembers at home—huge and overwhelming and uninviting—and it makes his chest go tight. He thinks about just turning around and going home, but he knows he’s going to lay in bed for hours trying to sleep, thinking about how he should have just checked to see if anyone was here. He sucks in a breath, sending a quick text to Buck to let him know he’ll be home late, and wanders inside.

It’s bigger than he was expecting, although that’s how almost everything in LA is, so he shouldn’t be surprised at this point. He still doesn’t see anyone, not that he’d really know where to look, but he’s already come this far. He settles into one of the pews near the altar, hands clasping together between his knees automatically. He thinks about praying, but he’s really not sure what that would even do for him, or what he would say, and the thought of doing it makes his skin crawl just a little bit. He ends up just sitting quietly, trying to sort through the thoughts whizzing through his head and organize them into some semblance of a plan, some direction to go from here.

“Can I help you?”

Eddie startles at the voice, turning to find a priest watching him. “Oh, uh. Maybe. I don’t—this isn’t really my thing.”

The priest smiles gently, nodding to the spot next to Eddie. Eddie nods back, scooting over just a bit to make more room for him to sit. “So what brings you here so late, if it’s not really your thing?”

Eddie clears this throat, squeezing his hands tightly. “I, um. I think I might be in love with my best friend.” He doesn’t want to look, but the priest doesn’t say anything after a while, so Eddie glances over at him. He’s just waiting with an eyebrow raised. “He, uh… he’s a man,” Eddie adds, preparing for the worst.

Except, it doesn’t come. The expression on the priest’s face doesn’t change, which is… confusing. Although, Bobby had sent him here after his rather pointed comment about the queer community, so maybe…

“I know most churches within Catholicism will tell you that’s a problem, but we don’t believe that here. For what it’s worth, as someone who has studied the Bible, I think they’re wrong anyway. The most common quote people use is wildly misused.”

Eddie blinks. “The don’t lay with another man one?”

The priest nods. “It comes from Leviticus, which explains the rules God laid down for Moses’ people. It’s been passed down for centuries, like a game of telephone, and most people disregard a lot of the things in that book anyway. It instructs us to kill adulterers, tell us where to buy slaves from, not to eat anything from the water if it doesn’t have fins and scales. A lot of it is commonly disregarded, and yet it’s used to isolate a community that just wants to practice their faith like the rest of us.”

Eddie swallows, his throat suddenly too tight. “So… it’s not… I’m not… I don’t even think I believe in Hell, actually. I don’t even really know what I’m doing here.”

The priest smiles. “Did you grow up Catholic?”

Eddie nods. “Sunday school and everything, yeah. Stopped going once I got my girlfriend pregnant, mostly because my parents were embarrassed and didn’t want me around for people to gossip about, but I honestly didn’t really care that we stopped going. I used to just zone out for mass anyway, I just never really cared about it. Never… connected with it, or whatever.” He feels like an idiot saying all of that to a priest, but he’s already here. Might as well do something to try to sort through his feelings, and there’s no way Frank was going to take his call at ten at night.

“That’s understandable. A lot of people who grow up in a faith-based family struggle, especially in their adult life. Faith is an intensely personal thing, and no two people worship the same. Some people don’t even worship at all, and that’s okay too. Not everyone needs to. Your faith is between you and whatever higher power you believe in, if any.”

“But that’s… is that how it works? I remember learning all the rules when I was younger, about how to act and what was… you know, okay?”

The priest hums. “Sure. Different churches have different beliefs. Honestly, beliefs even differ between priests. But I’m not going to tell you that being attracted to your male best friend is wrong, or that it’s going to damn you. Jesus taught that the most important thing was to love thy neighbor no matter what, that’s what I try to live by.”

Eddie sits back in the pew, taking a deep breath. This… isn’t what he expected. Honestly, he’d sort of expected to be told that he was an abomination and that he should leave before he burst into flames. This is the exact opposite of what he was expecting, and it’s kind of freeing. He’s not even really sure if he believes in a god, and even if he did, he doesn’t think a god would care who he decides to sleep with, but to have that reinforced by someone from the religion he was raised in? That taught him that being gay was a sin, and that there was nothing worse than being a sinner? It’s a relief.

“Tell me about him, if you think it will help.”

Eddie smiles. “He’s… he’s the best person I know. He’s been through so much and he’s still unflinchingly kind, I don’t know how he does it. He’s incredible with my son. Honestly, I think my son might like him more than he likes me. And he just fits, you know? I didn’t even realize I was in love with him until yesterday, but he’s basically been my partner for years. He helps me with my son, we spend basically all of our time together, and the house always feels so empty when he leaves. God, I just want him to stay,” Eddie finishes in a whisper, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I want him to be where he belongs, with us.”

“Have you told him that?”

Eddie shakes his head. “He’s dating someone else. I don’t… I can’t get in the way of that. I don’t think I’d ever forgive myself if I ruined a relationship he was happy in.”

The priest chuckles. “If he’s happy, you telling him won’t make any difference. Either he’ll realize that he’d rather be with you, or he’ll stay in a relationship he’s happy in.” He leans toward Eddie, a conspiratorial smile on his lips. “But just between you and me, platonic best friends don’t typically co-parent children together.”

Eddie blinks. “I… hadn’t thought about that. I just assumed he was doing it to be a nice guy, but… I don’t know, I think I might be biased? I mean, I want him there when I get home, I want him to do school pickup with me and go to parent-teacher conferences. I want to take us on family vacations and have Chris wake us up way too early on Christmas. I don’t think I can see past it now that I know, you know?”

“You might be biased, but maybe he is too. It takes two, and from what it sounds like, he’s spending just as much time with you and voluntarily helping you with your son.”

Eddie nods, running a hand through his hair. “And God’s not gonna, I don’t know, strike me down with lightning if I kiss him?”

The priest snorts. “No. I imagine God has better things to be doing.”

They sit in silence for another few minutes, until Eddie feels like he’s calmed down enough to face Buck. He murmurs a thank you toward the priest, who nods and tells him to get home safe, disappearing through a door behind the altar. Eddie clears his throat, fishing his keys out of his pocket and heading back to his truck.

Buck’s Jeep isn’t in the driveway when he gets home, which is… weird. Buck’s become much more of a homebody while Chris has been gone, although Eddie suspects that’s because he’s mostly been moping around the house and Buck has been looking after him. Still, he had expected Buck to be here when he got home, and the lack of a message or call letting Eddie know he was going elsewhere is worrisome. He opens their message thread, debating whether he should send a message, before deciding against it and switching to Find My Friends.

Eddie swallows, biting his bottom lip. He knows exactly where Buck is, because he’s been there too—Tommy’s apartment. The sight makes Eddie physically ill, so he closes out of the app and takes a deep breath that does nothing to stop the roiling in his gut. Alright, so maybe not confessing his feelings, then. He still feels like he’s bursting to talk about them, though, so he does the only logical thing he can think of—logs into the account he uses to schedule his therapy appointments and takes an open spot for tomorrow morning. They're off anyway, and he needs to get this off his chest sooner rather than later, before he does something stupid like word vomiting his feelings all over Buck.

He must’ve fallen asleep on the couch at some point after checking on Christopher through his mother, because the next thing he knows, he’s hearing keys in the front door over the sound of whatever is playing quietly on the TV. He rubs the sleep from his eyes, shutting the TV off and trying to decide if he should scurry off to his bedroom before he has to face Buck, but he doesn’t get a chance to make a decision either way before Buck’s walking inside. He’s struggling, and Eddie’s off the couch before he can even consciously think about it, taking a cardboard box from Buck’s hands with a confused look.

“My stuff from Tommy’s,” Buck says, like that explains literally anything.

“Why are you bringing your stuff back from Tommy’s?”

Buck raises an eyebrow at him. “Uh, I broke up with him? Kind of thought that would’ve been obvious since I’m lugging all my shit home. Honestly, I don’t even know how this much of my stuff ended up at Tommy’s place to begin with. I don’t think I’ve been there more than a handful of times.”

Eddie’s sure the rest of whatever Buck’s saying is important, but the only thing his brain can process at the moment is that Buck broke up with Tommy.

“You okay, Eds?”

Eddie blinks at him, plastering on a smile he hopes doesn’t look as fake as it feels, and nods. “Yeah, yeah, all good. I’m sorry about you and Tommy.”

Buck waves a hand toward the corner of the living room, so Eddie drops the box there. “It’s fine. It wasn’t gonna last anyway. He was really fucking annoying with the whole Gerard thing, and I think he mostly just tunes me out all the time anyway. I hadn’t even talked to him in, like, a week. I don’t know why he just showed up for dinner.”

Eddie blinks. “What do you mean ‘the whole Gerard thing’?”

Buck frowns at him, sitting heavily on the couch. “What do you mean, what do I mean? You were there. He was being really homophobic toward Hen, and snidely racist toward her and Chim.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “No, yeah, I know that. I meant what do you mean Tommy was annoying about it?”

“Oh. He basically told me that he dealt with Gerard for years and that I should just keep my mouth shut and do my job. I tried to get him to understand that it’s my family he’s attacking, but… I dunno. He didn’t seem to get it, and whenever I’d try to vent about it to him, he’d just pull the whole ‘should’ve just kept your mouth shut’ thing.”

Eddie frowns. “That’s… why did you let him treat you like that?”

Buck snorts. “Did you miss the part where I said I broke up with him?”

“No, I heard it, but Gerard’s been gone for two weeks. Why didn’t you break up with him before?”

“Oh, uh…” Buck rubs a hand over the back of his neck, and Eddie can see his cheeks reddening. “I actually, uh, hadn’t really seen him before now?”

Eddie blinks. Blinks again. Licks over his bottom lip and crosses his arms over his chest as he thinks back. Because he knows Buck is right. Hell, they’ve been living together for the better part of a month now, and Eddie knows that Buck has been here basically the whole time, blowing off his boyfriend to comfort Eddie. He feels less bad about it knowing that Buck was kind of avoiding Tommy anyway, but he still feels bad. He hadn’t intended to monopolize so much of Buck’s time. “Shit, because you were here. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“Eddie, you didn’t do anything, okay? I was kind of done with Tommy by that point anyway, and I’d rather be with—” Buck cuts himself off, sending a panicked glance in Eddie’s direction. “Be here. Cause I know you’re having a tough time with Chris gone and honestly I miss him too, so it’s kinda nice being here. We can mope together.”

Eddie snorts. “God, aren’t we a pair of sorry bastards.”

Buck hums. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Eddie’s pretty sure his heart has beat its way out of his body entirely. This is far too intimate for how raw he’s feeling right now, so he gives himself a minute of buffer so Buck doesn’t think he’s fleeing, and then flees to his bedroom with a mumbled goodnight. He changes into his pajamas and slips out to the bathroom to finish getting ready for bed, praying silently that Buck stays on the couch and Eddie doesn’t have another reason to swallow down his suddenly so clear feelings.

He’s exhausted when he finally gets into bed, but then his brain decides to be a traitorous asshole and give him the idea that his bed would be far more comfortable with Buck next to him in it. Eddie has the overwhelming urge to punch something, so he aggressively fluffs his own pillow, rolling over and pulling the blanket over his head.

He needs to talk to Frank, he knows that much. And Buck, probably. Although, strangely enough, Eddie doesn’t really doubt that his feelings will be returned. He has a sneaking suspicion that Buck might have just been waiting for him to catch up, which just makes him sad. What if he hadn’t ever caught up? What if he’d just married some nice girl and struggled through it, instead of the clusterfuck that led him to where he is now? He thinks he knows the answer (that Buck would have resigned himself to just being Eddie’s best friend and taken whatever scraps he could get) but it honestly just makes him feel worse about everything.

He needs to talk to Christopher.

The thought hits him like a brick to the face, because of course he needs to talk to Christopher. He hasn’t even spoken to his son since he left, only getting updates on his time in El Paso from his own mother and Buck, since Chris and Buck are still texting almost constantly. Still, if he’s… depending on what happens with Frank tomorrow, he’s going to have to suck it up and call Chris and hope to a god he probably doesn’t believe in that his son answers.

X

“I’m in love with Buck,” Eddie blurts out, less than thirty seconds into his therapy appointment. Frank has the audacity to not even look surprised, which makes Eddie scowl. He really had been the last one to catch up.

“What made you realize?”

Eddie scrubs a hand over his face, sighing. “It’s stupid.”

He hears Frank sigh and winces, already knowing the therapy speech that’s about to be leveled at him. “Eddie, there’s nothing stupid about your feelings. Where they come from may not always be logical, but the feelings themselves are worthy and you’re allowed to have them.”

He takes a sip of water, mostly for something to do, and nods. “Yeah, I know. It’s just, of all the things that could’ve clued me in, it was… basically nothing. He was just folding laundry on the couch and talking to Chris. And, yeah, he was giving Chris advice on how to handle my parents doubting his abilities, but that’s—he does that all the time, you know? Gives Chris advice, helps him work through problems. I honestly don’t know what made it click.” He lets out a long breath, clearing his throat. “I think it was just the domesticity of it all. Like we were just spending a day hanging out before work and our son was out with friends. And I just… I wanted that, you know? I want him there all the time. I want to make dinner with him and Chris and spend our days off taking him to the zoo and the science center, waking up to Buck in my arms every morning. I want to be able to not second-guess myself every time I go to touch him.”

Eddie’s breathing hard when he stops his rant, shifting uncomfortably in his chair. He doesn’t usually talk that much in therapy, and Frank seems a little surprised by his sudden outburst.

“So what’s stopping you from discussing your feelings with him?”

Eddie blows out a breath. “I… I think it’s Chris. I mean, not that I think he would be upset if I dated Buck, but I think… I think that after what happened, with Marisol a-and Kim, I don’t want to just jump into another relationship. I know I really hurt him and I want to get better for him, you know? I don’t want him to come home and I’m already dating someone else, I just… I want him to see that I’m trying to get better, and I don’t think he’ll see that if he comes back and I’m already dating someone else.”

Frank closes his notebook. “I’m impressed with your progress, Eddie. You’ve been doing well.”

Eddie blinks at him. “I… have? I don’t feel like much has changed.”

Frank smiles. “It may not feel like it, but I don’t think you registered what you just said to me.”

“What did I say?” Eddie asks, frowning as he spins his last admission around in his head.

“You told me what you want. You want Christopher to see that you’re working through your issues and improving, and that you want Buck. A month ago, you wouldn’t have said those outright. You would have danced around the admission until I pulled it out of you. I barely said anything before you were admitting your wants. That's an improvement, Eddie. It may not seem like it, but admitting that you want things is a step closer to letting yourself have the things you want.”

Eddie squirms in his seat, clearing his throat. He wants to refute it, but he knows Frank is right. He’s always struggled with wanting things for himself, especially after Christopher was born. His parents had always instilled selflessness in him, and made sure he understood that as a parent, Christopher was his priority, nothing else, even if they often disagreed about what that meant.

“I want to take Buck on dates,” Eddie whispers, eyes pointedly fixed on his hands. “I want to be able to take Buck to dinner and leave Chris with Abuela, or with his friends, and just… be with Buck. Is that awful?”

Frank sets his notebook aside, sitting forward. “No, Eddie. That’s not awful. You’re a parent, so of course Christopher is a priority, but he shouldn’t be your only priority. It’s important that you’re happy, too. We’ve discussed your affair at length, but it boils down to this: your unhappiness directly hurt your son. You were unhappy in a relationship because of your trauma regarding Shannon, which led you to make decisions that ultimately hurt Christopher. You simply returning to your sessions with me was an incredible step toward progress, and you’ve made great progress working with me. Chris will be impressed, even if it takes him some time to sort through his feelings. And, more importantly, you’ll be showing him that it’s important to make sure you are content with your life while taking care of others, that sometimes it’s okay to put yourself first. You’re a first responder, you know better than anyone. Your oxygen mask needs to be on before you help anyone else.”

Eddie nods, picking at a loose thread in his jeans.

“I do think you should call and talk to him. From what you’ve said, his anger stems from being lied to by you. I think, if you want to pursue things with Buck, you need to be upfront with Christopher about it.”

Eddie blinks, looking up at Frank. “You think he’s angry because I lied to him?”

Frank raises an eyebrow. “You think differently?”

Eddie shrugs. “I think I just assumed it was because she looked like his mom. That it brought up, y’know, unpleasant… feelings. For him.”

They talk about Eddie’s feelings with the whole thing—his unresolved feelings regarding Shannon and their relationship, and why he thought something with Kim would help fix that—and by the time he leaves, he’s absolutely drained. He’d like nothing more than to go home and crawl into bed for a nap, but… Buck’s at home. He really needs to have a conversation with Christopher, preferably without Buck in earshot, so he grabs a coffee and muffin from a nearby coffee shop and heads for the park the three of them frequent. He could probably use the fresh air anyway.

His mom picks up on the first ring, which Eddie still finds hard to believe. They’ve never talked as much as they have in the past month and Eddie appreciates it beyond belief. Chris still won’t talk to him, so he gets all his updates through Buck or his mom. He thinks he’d be going a little crazy if he wasn’t getting any at all, so as angry as he is at his parents, he’s grateful too.

He asks if Chris is around and if he’d be willing to Facetime, and much to his surprise, Chris agrees. His mom passes the phone to him and then Eddie’s laying eyes on his son for the first time in almost a month and he’s so fucking happy he could cry.

“Dad? Is everything okay?” Chris asks quietly, frowning.

Eddie chuckles wetly. “Everything’s great, mijo. I promise. I, uh, I actually wanted to talk to you about something, if you don’t mind sharing some of your time with your old man.”

Chris wrinkles his nose. “You’re not that old. What do you want to talk about?”

Eddie clears his throat, taking a sip of his coffee and setting the cup on the bench beside him. “So, we’ve talked about sexual orientation before. How Denny’s moms love each other and that’s wonderful, and how Buck might end up loving another man, or maybe a woman. You remember?”

Chris nods, pushing his glasses up as he settles onto a bed. Eddie recognizes it as his childhood bed, which brings up all sorts of feelings that he really does not want to deal with at the moment. “Yeah, Denny’s moms are lesbian and Buck said he was beesexual?”

Eddie chokes back a snort. “Bisexual, yes. So I’ve been working with Frank, do you remember him? He’s my therapist, I go to him and he helps me… sort through all the stuff in my head?”

Chris nods again. “Like when I went to see the doctor after the tsunami and they helped me talk about Mom?”

“Yeah, exactly. So Frank and I talked about it and I wanted to tell you. I’m gay.”

Chris frowns. “But you loved Mom, didn’t you?”

Eddie smiles. “Yeah, buddy. Your mom was my best friend. But I didn’t love her like Denny’s moms love each other. Does that make sense?”

Christopher’s face screws up as he thinks, then nods. “Like Harry’s dad, right? They were together but then his dad told them he was gay?”

“Exactly. I loved your mom, but more like a best friend than a partner.”

Chris nods. “So if you’re gay and Buck is bisexual, does that mean you love each other now?”

Eddie chokes back a laugh. Leave it to Chris to get straight to the point, especially when Buck is involved. “That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about, mijo. I know you’re getting older and that we can have more open discussions about these things, and I wanted to include you. I know what happened with Marisol and Kim upset you, and I want to make sure that doesn’t happen again.”

Chris looks away. “You lied to me, Dad.”

Eddie’s heart aches. All he wants to do is wrap Christopher in his arms and squeeze, but he can’t. So he settles for Frank’s suggestion and is as honest as possible instead. “You’re right, and that was wrong of me. I shouldn't have treated you like that, I’m sorry.” He lets the apology linger as he eats some of his muffin. “I wanted to know what you thought about me possibly dating Buck. I know after everything that it might bring up some complicated feelings, so if you want me to hold off on dating anyone, I absolutely will.”

Chris chews his lip. “But you’d be dating Buck? Right? Not anyone else?”

Eddie shakes his head. “No one else. I want to date Buck. I haven’t talked to him about it yet, I wanted to talk to you first.”

Chris looks away again, and Eddie hates how worried he looks. “Would he leave?” Chris whispers, glancing back at Eddie.

“Why would he leave?” Chris sniffles. Eddie wants to hug him so desperately that his hand twitches. “Chris, why do you think Buck would leave?”

“Everyone you date leaves,” Chris says quietly, averting his gaze again. Eddie’s pretty sure his heart has snapped in two.

“No, Chris. I don’t think he would leave,” Eddie says gently. “I think Buck really likes being with us, and I think he’d like to be with us even more. If we did date, I mean.”

Chris bites his lip. “Can I talk to Buck about it? After you talk to him? I want him to promise.”

Eddie blinks against the tears stinging his eyes. “Of course, mijo. I’m going to talk to him when I get home, and then we’ll both call you, okay?”

Chris nods. “Dad, do you love him?”

Eddie smiles. “Yeah, Chris. I love him a lot. Almost as much as I love you.”

Chris nods again, seemingly satisfied with that answer. “I just want you to be happy, Dad. Buck makes you happy.”

Eddie feels like his entire chest has been cracked open. “Yeah, Chris, he really does. He makes us both happy, right?”

Chris sits up quickly, eyes widening. “Wait, does this mean Buck is gonna live with us?”

Eddie huffs a laugh. “Yeah, maybe in the future. I think he’ll go back to his loft when Bobby and Athena find a place to live, but we can talk about that. Do you want him to live with us?”

“Well yes, obviously! Then we could hang out all the time! It’d be like movie night every night.” He’s grinning now, which makes Eddie feel infinitely better than before. Plus, he’d like Buck there forever too, so he can’t exactly blame the kid.

“Alright. I’m gonna go home and talk to Buck. We’ll call you later, okay?”

“Okay Dad. Love you.”

Eddie smiles, taking one more look at his kid, just to reassure himself. “Love you, Chris.”

X

It’s quiet when he gets home, which is still jarring. He and Buck don’t make as much noise as a nearly-teenage boy, so the silence makes his chest ache. Still, he’s buoyed after his conversation with Chris, and he’s even whistling to himself quietly as he kicks his shoes off and sets them on the rack near the door, hanging his keys on the key rack.

“Eds? That you?”

Eddie smiles, running a hand through his hair and taking a deep breath, trying to steady himself. He’s felt off-balance since Christopher left but, even with… this whole thing looming right now, he feels more in control than he has in a while. It’s nice. “Yeah, back from therapy. Beer?”

Buck hums in the affirmative, so Eddie heads for the kitchen and grabs two out of the fridge, popping the caps off and grabbing a bag of chips. He can hear some shuffling noises in his bedroom, so he drops the beers and chips on the coffee table and heads for his bedroom. He knocks on the frame, smiling softly when he finds Buck putting laundry away.

“You don’t want to nap?” Buck asks, not even bothering to turn to look at Eddie. He looks so at home here, putting Eddie’s laundry away, and he suddenly has the overwhelming urge to take the four steps into his bedroom and kiss him.

“No,” he says finally, clearing his throat. “Session was actually… really helpful. I Facetimed with Christopher after, that’s why I’m so late getting back. I feel good. Is that silly?”

Buck turns to look at him over his shoulder, a small smile on his face. “No, it’s not silly. Took about a dozen sessions with Dr. Copeland for me, and a screaming match on the phone with my parents, but after that it really started to help, and I stopped dreading going.” He bumps the drawer closed with his hip, turning to face Eddie fully. “You Facetimed with Chris? That’s big. How did it go?”

Eddie lets out a breath, sitting heavily on the bed. “Actually pretty well, I think? He’s scared and upset but I think he’s coming around. That, uh… that actually wasn’t what I talked to him about.”

Buck sits down next to him, leaning back and raising an eyebrow. “What did you talk to him about?”

He suddenly feels like he could throw up, which is annoying. Buck’s bisexual, he’s not going to give a shit that Eddie is gay. Still, it feels like admitting it will open a door toward a relationship for them, and as much as he wants it (because he does want it, almost as much as he wants Chris back home) he’s fucking terrified. He’s pretty sure Buck feels the same way he does, and obviously he needs to confess to find out for sure, but there’s a part of his brain that’s insisting that Buck doesn’t feel that way and that his admission will ruin everything.

Buck wraps a hand around Eddie’s wrist, squeezing gently. “You okay?”

Eddie clears his throat, staring at their hands with a little bit of wonder as he finally chokes out, “I’m gay. I told him I’m gay.”

Buck’s hand tightens around his wrist, and Eddie has the desperate thought that he’d like to know how Buck’s fingers feel between his own. He hears a soft exhale beside him, but he can’t bring himself to look at Buck. He can’t see whatever’s playing out across his best friend’s face right now, or he’ll never get the rest of his confession out.

“I also asked if he would be okay if I were to… date someone. I wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to be uncomfortable with it.”

He can hear Buck swallow beside him, and he wants. He wants to just turn and kiss him until neither of them can breathe.

“O-oh. Eddie, I’m so honored that you told me,” Buck says quietly, but Eddie can tell he’s holding back. Waiting for the rest of whatever Eddie has to tell him. “Who, uh. Who did you ask him about dating?”

Eddie swallows past the knot in his throat, sucking in a sharp breath as he forces himself to turn his head and look at Buck. He’s fucking terrified, but he needs to see Buck’s reaction, good or bad. Buck’s already looking at him, a mixture of fear and hope swirling in his eyes. It’s enough to push the words out of Eddie’s mouth. “You. I asked him about dating you,” he manages, eyes locked on Buck’s face for any sort of reaction.sa

He feels like he waits for hours, but then Buck’s mouth is tipping up into a sunny grin and Eddie feels like he could float.

“God, you have no idea how badly I was hoping you’d say that,” Buck murmurs, slipping his hand down to intertwine their fingers. “Before I—what did Chris say?”

Eddie laughs. “He asked if you were gonna live with us forever, cause that meant basically every night was movie night. And that he was okay with it, but only if it was you. And he wanted to talk to you about it, so we’ll have to call him later.”

Buck grins. “God, I love that kid.” He squeezes Eddie’s hand as Eddie laughs in disbelief.

“Have we really been this stupid? We could’ve just… been together this whole time?”

Buck hums, thumb swiping over the back of Eddie’s hand. He doesn’t even think Buck realizes he’s doing it. “You know, when I broke up with Tommy, he asked if it was because of you.”

Eddie blinks, meeting Buck’s gaze. “Me? Why?”

Buck snorts. “Eddie… it wasn’t Tommy’s attention I was trying to get.”

“Oh,” he mumbles, looking down at their joined hands. “You wanted my attention?”

“I always want your attention,” Buck confirms, giving Eddie’s hand another squeeze. “And I want to date you. If that wasn’t clear. I mean, fuck, Eddie, I’d marry you tomorrow if you asked me to.”

Eddie’s head snaps up, meeting Buck’s gaze. There’s a fondness in his eyes that Eddie has seen directed at him before, but it’s… has he really missed it this whole time? God, if he’d just realized what he had in front of him, maybe he could have avoided this whole mess. He wants to dissuade Buck, explain that he’s a walking nightmare right now and that no one in their right mind should date him, but he doesn’t. He can’t. Instead, he bites his lip and whispers, “can I kiss you?”

Buck doesn’t even bother verbally answering. His free hand cups Eddie’s cheek and then he’s leaning in slowly, clearly giving Eddie enough time to back off if he wants to. He doesn’t. Buck’s lips are on his in half a breath, and he feels like his heart might beat straight out of his chest. He’s always been sort of indifferent to kissing, but this… Buck’s mouth on his is really something else. He needs more of it. He drops Buck’s hand, reaching out to grab his waist and pull him closer. Buck huffs a laugh against his lips, but seems to get the memo, shuffling closer until their legs are pressed together. Buck’s hands are so gentle on his face, and Eddie’s not exaggerating when he says it’s the best kiss he’s ever had.

He’s not sure how long they sit there, just reveling in the fact that they get to kiss now, but at some point they’d shuffled so that Buck was comfortably straddling Eddie’s lap. Eddie’s hands are under Buck’s shirt, tracing the miles of warm skin beneath. They’re mostly just stupidly grinning at each other now, but it’s fucking incredible. They’ll have to move at some point, Eddie is sure, but that’s for later Eddie to deal with. There’s nowhere else in the world he’d rather be right now.

X

They Facetime Chris a couple of hours later, and Chris is beyond ecstatic. He wastes no time asking Buck to move in permanently, and Eddie even manages to agree, saying that maybe he should just stay. Buck stares at him, and Eddie gives him a soft smile and a shrug.

“You basically live here anyway, Buck,” he murmurs, brushing a hand through his curls. They’re soft, free of product since they’re off today, and Buck leans into the touch. “Besides, with the housing market like it is? Who knows how long Bobby and Athena will need your loft?”

Buck bites his lip. “A-are you sure? I mean, it’s a big step, isn’t it? Moving in?”

Eddie snorts, and he can see Chris roll his eyes on Buck’s phone screen. “Buck, I don’t really think anything would be a big step for us at this point. Like I said, you basically live here anyway. Even before you gave Bobby and Athena your loft, you had two drawers in my dresser and a chunk of clothes in my closet. We keep all of your favorite foods in stock, and you cook dinner here most nights. You even brought your own pillow over because you stayed here enough to complain about the shi—bad couch pillows.”

Chris laughs. “Heard that! Swear jar, Dad!”

Eddie rolls his eyes, but smiles and drops a dollar into the jar on the coffee table. “Honestly, it would probably make more sense anyway,” he continues, hand absently carding through Buck’s hair. “We’d be able to see you all the time, we can just carpool to work. I know Chris would love to have you here.” He drops his voice lower, murmuring, “I’d get to wake up with you in the mornings.”

Buck blinks quickly, eyes watery. “I-I would love that. I just don’t want to mess this—us—up.”

Eddie shakes his head. “Buck, you could never mess us up. Okay? After everything we’ve been through together? An earthquake, a tsunami, me being buried underground, you being struck by lightning? God couldn’t tear us apart even if He wanted to,” Eddie says with a grin, pulling Buck into a kiss.

“Ewww! Oh no, wait, you’re going to do this all the time now, aren’t you? What have I done?”

Buck huffs a laugh, settling against Eddie’s side as they both turn back to Christopher. “Sure are, bud. You wanted this!”

Christopher pouts, but Eddie can see right through it. He knows his son well enough to know how excited he is. “I know, but I didn’t think about you guys kissing all the time! You’re gonna be so gross!”

Eddie grins. “Well, as your parents, I’m pretty sure it’s our job to be gross.” He can feel Buck stiffen against him and drops a gentle kiss to his forehead, whispering, “you are his parent, Buck. Have been for a while.”

Chris clears his throat, so Eddie turns his attention back to Buck’s phone. “I want to stay for two more weeks. My cousins are going to a summer camp then, so if that’s okay, I’ll come back then?”

Eddie sags with relief, draping his arm around Buck’s shoulders. “Of course, bud. You know you don’t have to come back then if you don’t want to, right?”

Christopher nods. “I know. But I know you only lied to me because you were hurting. I’m still mad about it.”

“You’re allowed to be mad about it, mijo, okay? I know I really hurt you, and I’m sorry. I never should have let things get so… twisted up. I should have gone back to Frank as soon as I realized just how deeply everything was affecting me. I can’t go back and fix it, but I can promise you that I’ll do my best to be honest with you from now on, and I’ll keep working through things with Frank.”

Chris nods again, hugging a pillow to his chest. “Thank you.”

Buck smiles and presses a kiss to his temple. “I’m proud of you, Eds.”

They chat quietly for a little while longer, Eddie tucked into Buck’s side as they listen to Chris fill them in on all the fun things he’s been doing over the summer. Eddie’s warm and comfortable and his son will be back home in two weeks, and Buck will move in, and everything will be as it should. He smiles to himself, sitting up to press a kiss to Buck’s cheek and wrap an arm around his middle.

It was a pain in the ass getting here, but here is pretty damn good.

[canonicallyobserving911]

Buck & Eddie: Sleeping on the family couch-Parallels

The couch in Eddie’s living room is The Buckley-Diaz Family couch and it will continue to be shared by Eddie, Buck and Christopher after Buck moves out of the loft and becomes a permanent resident at 4995 S. Bedford St. (related posts: Buck is not a guest and Timeline of Couches META).  There are several parallels associated with Buck and Eddie having both slept on the blue couch in Eddie’s living room and they are listed below. 

Buck slept on the couch in 4x14 “Survivors” and Eddie slept on it exactly one year later in 5x14 “Dumb Luck”.  

They both slept on it in the aftermath of The Shooting after Eddie had been shot by a sniper while Buck stood in front of him with only a few inches separating them in 4x13 “Suspicion”.  Buck slept on it while Eddie was in the hospital and Eddie slept on it after he had a mental breakdown in 5x13 “Fear-O-Phobia”.

Christopher woke up Buck in 4x14 and asked if he could talk to Eddie. But Eddie woke up after he had a nightmare that included Christopher watching him die over and over again.  It began as a dream with them eating breakfast together but it quickly morphed into a nightmare which caused him to wake up in a panic.  Part of his nightmare included him remembering how he had been shot in the shoulder one year earlier and it also included several of his other trauma related experiences. In his nightmare he said, “I think I’m dying” and Chrisopher responded, “You’re always dying”.

Buck slept on it for several days in 4x14 as he took care of Christopher while Eddie was in the hospital.  When Eddie slept on the couch in 5x14, Buck was taking care of Christpher again because he put Christopher to bed the night of Eddie’s breakdown and he took Christopher to school the next day while Eddie was sleeping.  Buck also called Bobby to stay with Eddie so that he wouldn’t wake up alone.

They slept on the couch in exactly the same position with their heads laying on the end of the couch that’s closest to the window.  After they woke up, they sat up in the same way too.  

It’s unlikely that these are coincidences since they both slept on the couch that’s intended for their family in the same way, exactly one year a part and they were awakened from their sleep for reasons that were associated with The Shooting.  Buck and Eddie still haven’t discussed any of their shared traumas in CANON so hopefully they will finally talk about The Shooting during season 6.  One reason the show probably hasn’t made them discuss it is because it could be related to the reveal of them becoming a CANON couple.  Once they talk about it, neither of them will be able to continue hiding their feelings for each other (related post: The Will & Legal Guardianship).

GIF 4x14 “Survivors”

GIF 5x14 “Dumb Luck”

[jaydensfanfictionfactory]

Left to Soon (PT1)

My hands slid through the sheets as the sound of my alarm blared in my ears. Smacking my bedside table until I hit the clock, my body ached from the day before’s shift. Slowly raising my head out of the nest of pillows and messy hair, I squinted at the figure who was pulling open my curtains. His messy dark blonde hair was almost golden with the morning light of LA. Groaning, I grasped one of my silk covered pillows, cocked my arm back, and threw this pillow at his back as hard as possible. A satisfying yelp echoed in my room as I rolled over, pulling my blankets up to my neck as I snuggled back into my slumber. “That wasn’t nice!” Evan Buckley whined as he slipped his arms around my waist, lifting me out of bed. 

“Buck!” I whined loudly as I tried to escape his iron grasp, blankets and pillows following him as he dragged me toward the door. “Five more minutes, please???” He spit out some of my hair as he carried me out to the kitchen, where our other roommate was waiting. Eddie Diaz sighed as he sipped his coffee while watching Buck dragging me off to the living room, where Chrisopher was playing video games on the TV. “Morning Chris!” 

“Morning Ace!” he said, smiling wide as his glasses skewed themselves on his face. I huffed at Bucky as he tossed me, half haphazardly, onto the couch before running off to get me a coffee. “How did you sleep?” I asked, turning my attention back to the young boy next to me, who had set down his controller to look at me with that signature bright smile of his. 

“I slept pretty well,” he replied, though something in his eyes told me that he wasn’t exactly telling me the truth. Perhaps he didn’t want to talk about his mom, but I took his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Chris was one of the few people I really cared about, though I never really showed it a lot. 

Feeling a pair of hands on my shoulders, thumbs pressing into the sore spot between my scapulas. A groan fell from my lips as I dropped my head, it felt so good, and Eddie knew what he was doing. Ever since I had shown him how to give good back massages, the latino man had always given me one anytime I was sore. My head snapped up when I felt something resting against my shins. Glaring at Buck for a few seconds before sighing as I sat up to dig my small fingers into his gigantic shoulders. 

A yelp fell from his mouth as I rubbed out the knot in his shoulders. Eddie’s husky, morning voice boomed with laughter along with Chris as Buck wiggled and wormed out of my grasp. “Revenge!” I giggled before tackling the bigger male to the floor. 

Somehow, I had managed to pin the firefighter to the floor as his sister poked her head into the house. “Well, that’s not something you see every day-” she chuckled before taking a photo, much to Buck’s dismay. “I am surprised to see you up this early, Ace.”

“They are working a day shift with us,” Eddie explained as he handed her a cup of coffee with a side hug. Maddie nodded slowly in an understanding way as she greeted Chrisopher. Yelping as Buck started to do push ups with me on his back, I grasped his shirt tightly. He got about fifteen push ups in before he started to struggle, as Eddie plopped down beside me, holding his legs up in an attempt to keep them off the floor. 

“You…. guys…. Are…. heavy…” he grunted between push ups and breaths. Swatting his arm, I stood up with a sigh and stretched. Slipping out of the room toward my bedroom, I closed the door behind me, deafening the roars of laughter coming from the living room. A sigh fell from my lips as I flopped down on my bed. 

Today, of all days, I just had to work a day shift. Rolling over to look at the clock, the date burned into my eyes, today… Today was my birthday, a day I would rather forget ever existed. I hadn’t told anyone my birthday in a while, but Cap knew when it was. He always left me a little piece of cake with a single candle on it in the fridge of the station kitchen. I never really understood why he did it, I had told him multiple times that I never celebrated my birthdays, to many hurtful memories. But… the longer I worked at the fire station the more I looked forward to that little slice of cake. 

Maybe, just maybe, this year would be different. I doubted it would be as I struggled to throw on my pants. Huffing deeply, I slipped my shirt over my head, tucking it into my pants before stepping outside my room. Maddie was talking quietly with Eddie in the kitchen while Chris and Buck were playing on the TV. As soon as I entered the kitchen for a piece of toast, Maddie tapped his arm before walking away to bother Buck. I gave him a suspicious look before grabbing my toast. “Hey, I am going to the store before work.” I said to Eddie as I took the keys off his belt loop. The feeling of his breath on my check as I looked up at him. There were only a few inches between us, but I could see the look in his eyes, he was watching me with a playful look. 

Moving out of his personal space, I grabbed my jacket, waved goodbye to everyone and hopped up onto the railing of the stairs. Sliding down the railing, I hopped off before walking over to my truck, Eddie loved to drive it even though he had his own to drive. Something about how it drives better than his own, but I just think it’s because Chris likes how soft the back seats are. Which I don’t mind, but I hate it when he and Buck take it out for a late night drive while I am at work. They never bring it back to the firehouse so I can get home. 

Sliding into the front seat, I sighed deeply as I turned the key. It purred to life as I slipped on my seat belt and threw it into drive.

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Word count: 1, 086

[tea-rexxy]

So again, I'm re-watching 9-1-1 In 2x14, there's the side storyline of Michael getting jealous of Bobby because Harry views Bobby as his dad. Michael and Harry get into a fight, so harry runs away to Bobby, his step-dad, aka his other father figure. 

Do you know WHO ELSE got into a fight with his dad and ran away??  CHRISTOPHER

Do you know WHO HE RAN AWAY TO??? BUCK HIS OTHER FATHER FIGURE

[buddieand118]

May: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to Fre sha vaca” how are you feeling?

Harry: in between “it's an avocado, thanks” and how did you defeat captain america, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanging” How about you, christopher?

Chris: Probably “road work ahead”

Eddie: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

[911buddie-lonestar]

Buck: [About to give up] There’s no way out.

Eddie: [Clutching the walkie while nearly yelling hysterically] NO NO NO. You don’t get to give up Buck. The 118 needs you, Maddie needs you, your niece needs you. Christopher needs you.

Buck: [Silence]

Eddie: God dammit Evan! I need you! I can’t do this by myself.

Buck: [Softly] Okay. 

Buck: I found an opening! 

Eddie: [Just now realizes he’s crying]

How I picture the fire in 4x5 going.

[ravens-words]

I just need some Buck and Christopher fic recs (preferably long)... anyone got some?

I miss my boys interacting 😭

[knighttimesong]

buddie get togther headcannon

so I have this buddie getting together head cannon where the team are like getting changed and stuff to go home and buck and Eddie are just chatting about how buck needs to go back to his apartment to grab some stuff before his goes back to Eddie's (he has been staying with Eddie and Christopher for a while) and the team is all like “wow so domestic, these boys need to get their heads out of their asses”

and then Eddie gets a text and hes like “shit I forgot the electricition was coming to the house today and I need to pick Chris up from school!” and bucks likes “chill. take my car and go home and i will take your car and pick Chris up from school, we will meet you at home.” and eddies like “thank you so much” and is gathering up his stuff and rushing out the door and without thinking just gives buck a goodbye peck on the lips before walking away.

and buck is just left standing there. in shock. the team is also like wtf? did that just happen. Eddie is nearly out of the station and is only just realising what he just did. buck comes to his senses and kind of looks around at the team like “did that just happen? was it just me or did the guy i am in love with just kiss me?”

he just thinks to himself ‘fuck it’ and rushes out to Eddie. buck catches Eddie by the arm and before Eddie can apologise for kissing him and making it awkward buck just grabs him by the back of the head and gives him the most earth shattering kiss. (the team is watching this whole thing gobsmacked)

Eddie is now the one in shock and buck just gives him his sexy, cheeky grin and says “see you at home” before letting go and doing that cute skippy jumpy thing he does back to the lockers.

[evanbucklley]

if anything happens to christopher I will kill everyone and then myself