#chronic isolation

[zamusvstheworld]

as we attempt to resist capitalist deep-conditioning it only makes it more unbearable yours wimpishly, a severely sheltered, developmentally stunted and defeated individual

[ink-asunder]

We NEED to reevaluate how we view people with "red flags" that don't actually indicate harm to anyone. Things like "doesn't like animals," "doesn't have pets," "my pets immediately distrust them, so that means they're Secretly Evil."

I have a psychotic disorder. I suffer from flat affect. I have zero control over how I am emoting, and very often my emotional readout is completely blank. A LOT of animals (dogs especially) have exhibited aggression and fear around me ever since this started. (There are only TWO dogs I've met in the last five years that didn't BITE ME.) Dogs are unsettled by me because of a symptom of my psychosis--a condition that is out of my control that IS NOT DANGEROUS and doesn't harm anyone.

I also have a severe autoimmune disease and severe allergies to basically all animals. Whenever I tell people I can't come over because they have pets, or I don't have/want pets of my own, the IMMEDIATE response I always get is "why don't you like animals?" So I'm always pretty pissed off when I have to say, "I'm severely allergic. Don't fucking assume I have an undesireable quality just because I'm not a pet owner."

Another ableist red flag we need to talk about is "has no other friends/all their friends break up with them." Hi. I'm physically disabled with a digestive disease and a degenerative disease in my spine. That means my dietary restrictions are stupid and I can't sit/stand/walk for more than 15 minutes without being in pain. Most of the friends I break up with, I do so BECAUSE THEY ARE INCREDIBLY ABLEIST TO ME with no visible potential of changing. From people relentlessly harrassing me about lifestyle changes to not accepting correction or feedback when I tell them "hey, you CAN'T do x because it triggers y condition." If they argue or blow me off, I'm not their fucking friend!

Tl;dr: Disabled, chronically ill, and people with "scary" mental illnesses are often lumped in with "bad people" for characteristics that hurt no one and aren't in their control. Stop using "my dog is uncomfortable around them" as a litmus test for everyone you hang out with.

[youngchronicpain]

You do not deserve the pain that you are in. I am sorry that you are hurting. I am hurting too. I wish things were different. But I am glad that we are not alone in this.

[alex2xander]

Shout out to all the tumblr users dealing with daily fatigue and severe depression.

Respect to those who have medium and high support needs who need assistance with bodily functions.

Love to those who cannot safely leave their bedrooms or home due to the pandemic and lack of societal support.

Care to those who spend the majority of their life online because this is the only way they can socialize with the outside world

There are so many of us trying to make it day to day. I love you and you're not alone in this.

I love you people who have to be carried, lifted, or escorted in mobility aids to do daily living tasks

I love you people who depend entirely on your cariers and personal aids for every function

I love you people who haven't been able to shower in over a week and therefore have tangled or matted hair and body odour

I love you people who have been wearing the same clothes for over a week

I love you people who dont have the energy to get out of bed to use the bathroom and need to use diapers or a bed pan

I love you people who havent been able to cook their own meal in months

I love you people who have piles of dirty clothes and trash scattered around their room

I love you people who uncontrollably drool on yourself and your property

I love you people who have slowly lost mobility and function over time and are adjusting to their new life

[namelessvoid77]

idk smthn i never see anyone talking about is how lonely being chronically ill is

[froody]

[camellia-thea]

i know we talk a lot about the isolation of chronic illness and disability, but i really don't think ablebodied folk get it.

i have made one new friend in person since graduating highschool in 2020. she is my housemate's girlfriend. she stays over frequently, and the only reason we are friends is because she stays over and we have shared university papers. i would not have had the opportunity to befriend her otherwise. that is in the space of three years.

i don't go out much. i cannot guarantee that i will leave my house within any given week. technically i have class i need to go to twice a week for an hour, but those moments aren't time for friends, they're time for classwork and i don't interact with people in a social capacity there.

i simply do not get the opportunity to meet people.

i cannot go out with friends and meet new people that way, because my social circle is already so small, and i don't have the energy to go out half the time anyway. when i do, i suffer for it later.

i don't meet people on campus because i'm immuno-compromised, and ableds seem to have forgotten that we are still in a pandemic.

i don't go to clubs or go out for the sake of going out because i can't. i've grown agoraphobic, because i am so worried that something health related will happen and i'll get stuck somewhere alone. i hate leaving the house because of the guarantee of an anxiety attack which leaves my body more likely to flare. it's a vicious cycle of isolation.

i am not the only one who has experienced this -- i can still leave the house, i can still go and visit friends with assistance. i struggle, but at the end of the day, it's still an option. there are others who are completely isolated.

the worst of it is that people leave. people get tired of the 'i can't come, i'm sorry', of the 'hey, i'm sick, can we postpone?'. even people who you love and hold dearly will stop trying. and it's awful. you have to sit and watch these people who you love walk away because they can't deal with your disability. i don't have words to describe how much that hurts.

it really is impossible for ablebodied people to understand, because for the majority of us, this isn't temporary. this is just how we have to live. and your social circle can only really get smaller.

[enbycrip]

Every time abled people talk about the covid lockdown, or ongoing isolation related to covid, they talk about the mental health impact of that isolation.

And I’m here going “I envy you all so much because you have the energy to do whatever you like in your homes during lockdowns”.

The incredible stuff people got done during their lockdowns and I had a great day yesterday because I went to the supermarket with my OH using my rollator instead of my wheelchair and wasn’t literally shaking with fatigue and pain by the time I got home. I bought a shirt and a jumper and had the energy to try them on before I had to lie down for the rest of the day. That’s a very, *very* good day for me.

We decided not to nick in for a coffee after shopping and just head right home to our kitteh because it’s pretty much unknown for me not to be in that state by the time I got home and the odds are the sensory overload in a Costa would have done it.

I would just very much like abled folks to realise that, if their experiences in lockdown were and are tough on their mental health, consider what the impact is on disabled and chronically ill folk who are isolated by both our physical impairments/conditions *and* the inaccessibility of the world while everyone else blithely goes on without us, and if they think of us at all it’s to blame *us* for not seeing them more. Or working. Or studying. When the remote adjustments that were “impossible” for disabled folk before that suddenly became available for everyone when abled folk needed them, and are increasingly becoming “impossible” again, somehow, for too many workplaces and educational establishments.

[stressmallow]

[indigo6f00ff]

i keep on remembering a Moment from the other day where my gf was watching me play Hades so i was showing all of the characters to her n shit (she doesn't really play videogames for their story so she didn't mind being spoiled), and when a certain boon appeared in asphodel and Hermes popped up on screen, the first words out of her mouth were "oh he's hot!"

[moominpopzz]

Anyways the Winters family dog will always be a service dog to me,,, sources? Absolutely none, but it would make so much sense. I mean the torment Ashe has definitely gone through mentally and physically since her moms death, a service dog would be absolutely perfect for her and Mark both

[autistic-duck]

I have a terrible habit of just liking posts on social media and then disappearing. like. no comments, no reblogs, just silence. I am a quiet observer who shows up as a number on your screen and nothing more.

I've never had mutuals I can tag on posts that vaguely remind me of them or just to joke around with. in fact, I've had very few online interactions at all.

so when I post something and people, like, respond? it's baffling.

who are you?? why are you liking my comment? why are you reblogging my post? you're here, and you're just... talking? and you can say anything you want? should I respond? should I keep quiet and disappear into the void again?

who taught you these social skills? who taught you to just... say stuff? how are you so funny, so profound, so human? how do I get to know you? should I get to know you?

there's so many users I'd love to interact with, but the thought of purposefully drawing attention to myself online is wild. it's like I'm asking to be hurt, asking to find the kinds of people that'll know exactly the kinds of words to get in my head, the kinds of words I've spent hours in therapy getting out of my head.

I thought I'd be able to find my place if I spent enough time in autistic spaces online, but then I realized I'd have to be vulnerable with digital strangers. I'd have to share my stories and, even worse, talk to users. anyone could say anything at any time, and I could end up reading things that will never leave my head. that's already happened, but those hateful words were never directly focused on me. what'll happen when they are?

people talk a lot about how a common symptom of autism is our struggles with social interaction, but how often do we bring up online interactions? am I the only one who struggles with this? how many people online are like me, quietly interacting, terrified to be seen, heard, and understood, yet constantly and desperately lonely?

I want to leave room for hope, so I think I'll add a bunch of tags vaguely related to this post in the hopes that people will see this and relate to the things I'm saying. I'd like to leave the conclusion open for discussion.

[screaming--agony]

Dear Diary,

It’s the same shit on a deeper level on a different day.

[pesteringchum]

i think a lot about if jade would ever have been able to live a normal life.

had the kids never played sburb, what would’ve happened to jade? does she have citizenship anywhere? does she have a passport? does she have a birth certificate? if she ever got off the island, does she have any proof at all that she exists?

if she doesn’t and can’t get any, would she just stay on her island? would she die there, without ever being near a human other than her grandfather? would she die there, a distant memory of her childhood friends, who’ve long since grown up and joined society and no longer had time for her? would it be as if she’d never existed at all?

if she does get off the island and is able to join human society, would she even like it?

she grew up alone, aside from bec. she’s smart and curious, so she probably would want to go to university so she could do research. would she be able to live in a city packed with people people people and bricks and concrete and air pollution? would she learn that her social battery is a lot shorter than she thought, that the concrete and brick is colder than she thought, that even the air is more foreign to her lungs than she thought it would be? would she feel suffocated?

she grew up with bec constantly by her side, but many places dont allow dogs. would she feel separation anxiety? would she feel more alone than she ever thought possible, amidst more people she ever experienced in all years of her life combined?

would she return to her island? would she die there, lonely again but content but hungry for something she can’t stand? would she be remembered by her peers and professors? or would they, too, with time, forget her? would it be like she’d never left the island at all? would it be as if she’d never existed at all?

[chronically3mpty]

It really isn’t easy growing up sick and poc because people are so quick to assume it’s drugs. I was 15 years old having people pester me about what I was on and it hasn’t changed. My partner is white and has never had that problem and will use cannabis to their hearts content to feel better and I still find myself staring at it with a pit in my stomach not wanting to make these people right.

[windysjourney]

Guilt & Chronic Illness

Something I’ve noticed as I navigate living with chronic illness and connecting with others who are on the same path, nobody really speaks about the guilt that comes with chronic illness. I know in my own life I certainly have felt guilty for being sick and not being able to do the things I used to be able to do with and for myself and my family. My chronic illness is debilitating, which means…