#church lore

[i-am-church-the-cat]

💕if you get this, answer w/ three random facts about yourself and send it to the last seven blogs in your notifs. anon or not, doesn’t matter, let’s get to know the person behind the blog!

Oop hi!

1) I was a fat kid and the doctor’s worried about my BMI so they wanted to teat me for high cholesterol, but my mom was like “uh, no, she’s the healthiest kid I have, if you’re testing her, you should test my other daughter as well”. My sister was skinnier so they weren’t as worried but they did test us both and her cholesterol was higher than mine LMAO. BMI is a stupid fucking system.

2) I’m studying to be a Pharmacist or Pharmaceutical researcher. Not sure which cause on one hand, I am morally against big pharmaceutical companies, and on the other hand, I love research so.

3) I crochet and my first big project is this blanket I’m making for my mom for Mother’s day, but I ran out of yarn so I have to switch but idk how to do that yet :(

[barbequed-edemame]

All hail lord Bartholemew, bring his excellency the finest alter boy

[greenh0ur]

[canisalbus]

saw your modern au piece where you tagged 'scenthound' and it just made me think about vasco in the original story after machete dies and how he'll never smell and take comfort in whatever unique smell machete had ever again and whoops I made myself sad

O- oh...

To be honest I don't know if Vasco's sense of smell is significantly better than a non-scenthound dog's (I mean maybe a little? Since scenthounds tend to have large nasal cavities and more room for olfactory receptors than a dog with shorter or narrower snout? But it's not really relevant in this context).

The way I see it, dog people's sense of smell is more acute than ours, but not as overpowered as that of an actual dog. Scents are more meaningful to them. For example, when you spend enough time with someone, your scents start to blend together, and smelling like your partner/family is an important part of bonding. I'd imagine that it plays into grieving process too. Even if you held on to the belongings of the deceased, their specific scent will eventually fade away from them as well.

I've talked about how the dogs perceive smells here and here.

[y-rhywbeth2]

Apparently, Shar literally eats grief and misery - she needs it to exist, "for human suffering is her sustenance." When she consumes your negative emotions it gives you a temporary high. This also applies to the suffering caused by some mental illnesses.

And that's how her religion works! She makes you fucking miserable and then feeds of your suffering, in a cycle.

[emblazons]

"We can plant the seeds for a new world. One where we can all be free."

Joshua Rosfield & Jill Warrick in Final Fantasy XVI ⤷The Rising Tide DLC

[cheesebearger]

a lot of people will play dragon age 2 and they'll be like... whoa.... anders is truly a grey character who does both good and evil......

when in actuality anders blowing up the chantry was not only good but based, sexy, and inspirational and he has never done wrong a day in his life

[royalarchivist]

Fit: You know... There's a reason I'm a loner, that I'm a nomad, that I go from place to place. 'Cuz everywhere I go, people die. Fit: I'm just- I'm a walking bad omen.

I know Fit probably said this as a joke and it wasn't meant to be that deep, but I've got a shovel and I'm ready to dig, because this comment fits his QSMP cubito way too well.

[ Subtitle Transcript ↓ ]

–

Fit: I had nothing to do with any of this! I had nothing to do with any of this! [He notices the Allays trapped in a room and gasps] Ohhh– C'mon, get out of here– You're gonna burn to death! Get out of here.

Fit: This is why I don't walk into churches. This is why I don't walk into churches, for this reason. You know– 'cuz it- it would just burn down. It would just burn down if I walked right in. This is what happens. I'm an unholy man.

[The sound of villagers dying]

Fit: Oh yeah, they're all dead. They're f- they're doomed. They are DOOMED.

Dono: You showed up and the mansion burned itself down, made a crack about never walking into churches, then thunder happened? Your manifestation skills are too damn high dude.

Fit: You know– ok, I'm a little cursed. I'm a little cursed, as you can clearly see. You know... There's a reason I'm a loner, in Minecraft, that I'm a nomad, that I go from place to place. 'Cuz everywhere I go, people die. Ehh... you know? I'm just- I'm a walking bad omen. I'm a walking bad omen. Look at this sht. It's- it- ugh...

Fit: These things happen.

[ipidolia]

HELLO PHIGHTING NATION

I think my friend Rece and I solved the cult in Phighting.

So, By the most recent skin/drawing that Soda posted on the Boggio discord, it was an image of a katana skin, (image 1; credit to Sodakettle).

He has an X over his eye, and is missing one so he must be a part of the The Church of the True Eye, as we can suspect that Medkit, Scythe, and Broker all were apart by their missing eyes, and X’s on their faces. (image 2 credit to Receyz on yt)

This is where we get to the leader.

We suspect that the leader is a more powerful roblox item/gear that can be running this church.

We think that it is the Overseer (image 3)

The Overseer’s Axe has one big eye, which we think represents the Overseer itself, and then 4 smaller ones representing its followers, Medkit, Scythe, Broker, and Katana.

The Overseers bow has two more eyes on it, which could belong to a deity, but were not too sure about it so far. I brought up the fact that it could be Darkheart, as we don’t see his eyes ever, and Zuka used to work with him before going into work with Broker.

thoughts?

[ink-blot-thoughts]

It is so eternally funny to me that the Fatui have acquired every single gnosis peacefully... except for Venti.

Zhongli had his contract, Yae Miko traded Ei's, Nahida also traded hers and Ei's, and Neuvilette just gave that shit away. Like we're introduced to them as stealing all the Gnoses and then they drop that shit immediately.

Even worse, they steal it from Venti. Fucking Venti. Mr Had a 500 Year Nap. Mr Tells His City To Be Free and Fucks Off. Mr Steals Wine For Himself. That dude. That's the one it was necessary to dropkick.

Like Signora could have sauntered up with an apple in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other and Venti would have given up his gnosis faster than you can say 'Freedom'.

And even if we go with the theory that Venti knows much more than he let's on, he would've have probably given it away anyway considering what we know now about the third Descender and all.

Like Signora had zero need for the bitchslap-dropkick-combo but she needed the Fatui to have a girl boss reputation so she did anyway. Rate. We stan a proactive Queen ig.

[i-am-church-the-cat]

church what beef do you have with tennessee’s coach

Okay so what i'm about to say does not leave this website agreed? cool

so let's say that hypothetically, there's this guy that was the head coach of a football team. one of the guys coaching under him was a college football player, a professional football player, and was now trying out coaching but it wasn't going the best. now this guy - let's call him CD, for no particular reason - has a wife and four kids, so he and his wife decide that they're only going to do this coaching thing for three years from 2017-2020 to see if it'll work. CD starts working for this head coach - let's call him JH, again, for no particular reason - in 2018, right?

for the first couple of seasons, it's going cool. CD loves it here, CD's family (🙋🏽) loves it there, and the team isn't doing that badly. but, they're not doing that great 2019 season, and THEN, a pandemic hits

now let me tell you a bit about American football schedules, if you don't already know. games are played from late august to november, with preseason games in july/early august and postseason in december. conditioning happens during the summer so recruiting and all preseason planning happens in the march-april gap. most of the time, football teams have their coaching staff in place by february at the latest

why is this important? well, at the end of the 2020 season, JH and the team management are no longer meshing and there's talks about him leaving. his entire staff, including CD, is like "hey, if you're leaving let us know so we can start looking for new jobs". JH is like "ofc nbd will do"

well post-season ends and there's no news. the dawn of 2021 comes and there's no news. january AND february pass, and there's no news

huh, that's so weird, i wonder what's happening-

*ESPN BREAKING NEWS ALERT* [redacted] University's head coach, JH, has signed with the Tennessee Volunteers!

hypothetically, let's say that your boss avoids and lies to you for MONTHS, puts your job security, your family's financial security, and the security of all of your coworkers' at risk, and then you find out from a ESPN. not even from the man himself but E. S. P. N.

would you be upset? maybe just a little?

and then after that, let's say JH now gets to choose whoever he wants to come with him to Tennessee. what if he then, took only half of the organization (the offensive half cause go figure, he was an offensive coach) and left the other half (the defensive half, aka the half CD works on) to fend for themselves

and then, what if you, watching this all happen to your father, now have to pack up and move in the middle of a GLOBAL PANDEMIC bc your dad had to go back to the job he got his degree for bc it was more financially stable? would you be upset? would you blame someone for that happening maybe?

also he took Mackenzie Milton from me and I will never forgive him. so yeah, that's my beef with the Tennessee head coach

[crystal-overdrive]

List of Banites

I went through the Foundy and Wyrm's Rock to get a list of Banite names, hopefully useful for anyone writing Church of Bane or Gortash centered fic.

Fists of Bane

Fists of Bane are the lowest ranked foot soldiers of Bane who obey all orders without hesitation.

Bagdog - Half-Orc Person

Polanulus - Human Man

Gudrum - Human Woman

Frode - Human Man

Zana Hade - Human Woman

Iron Consuls

Iron Consuls are cunning field officers who excel at coordinating the Fists of Bane in combat.

Jaxbock - Human Mam

Lo - Human Man

Null

Mian

Malik the Cruel

Moosk

Chadd - Orc

Underbite Yoonce - Half-Orc

Marten the Hammer - Half-Orc Man

Black Gauntlets

The Black Gauntlets are priests who command the consuls.

Greyward

Mohlen

Ignur

Aiseha

Mfran

Hahns Rives - Human Man, Overseer of the Foundry Lab

Indora Ralston - Human Woman

Ulova - Human Man

Borri Paver - Dwarf Man

...and my two favorites

Black Gauntlet Tamia Holtz, who seemed to be running at least part of the Foundry, and Fist of Bane Gasper Throaks, the son of a tailor who is a newcomer to the cult, having been given a job by Tamia after spending his time hanging around the Guildhall.

Turns out if you go to the Elfsong Gasper's Mum Clovia is having an affair with Tamia BUT the first time I saw this letter I imagined Tamia and Gasper were getting married and I loved the idea of this vicious overseer being a sweet daughter-in-law.

[itsyouch]

sobbing rn

Ha ha. No rvb fanart with spolliors here >:]

Wait if you are a new rvb fan dont look at my tags there is a spoiler thats insane

[canisalbus]

When did Machete realize he was gay? Was it only when he met Vasco, or was it earlier and he just repressed it?

If you asked him, he might admit that in retrospect he must've had a vague inkling earlier (thinking of all the times he let his gaze linger on a painting of some handsome nobleman a little longer. Which almost makes it like... a 16th century equivalent of having a secret fictional crush). But I think it probably would've been more of a detached, aesthetic attraction than anything he recognized as distinctly gay, bad and worth of repressing. It's not a sin to quietly appreciate art and the beauty of the human form.

I'd say Vasco, his best friend at the time, was most likely the first real person he had actual feelings for. The realization was so distressing he stayed in denial about the whole thing for a good while.

[the-witchhunter]

DP x DC: True Love’s Kiss

loosely inspired by the Princess and the Frog, but more inspired by Comet the Super Horse, Supergirl’s oft forgotten “pet”

And by “pet” I mean Comet isn’t a kryptonian horse, he’s a fucking centaur named Biron cursed by a witch to switch between forms that also gave him superpowers. Might not have been a curse, but still oddly specific considering he was just her horse for a while and also in love with her I think?? Also a member of the Legion of Super-Pets. 

So LET’S DO THAT TO DANNY(kind of)

So the legend of the church Grim, is that it’s a protective spirit of sorts guarding churches and cemeteries, taking the form of a large black dog with red eyes. 

So, one of the various witches, warlocks, occultists or sorcerers managed to bind Danny, to guard... something. Danny isn’t quite the normal type of spirit and frankly the person clearly messed something up. The result?

Danny is stuck in the form of a black dog with access to some of his powers. Frankly, they seem suspiciously like Krypto’s powers... The League suspects Lex Luthor experimented with cloning Krypto, and Superboy get’s a superpowered pet of his own. 

Danny and Kon? The best of friends. They’re practically glued at the hip, where kon goes, Danny goes. Suddenly, being a dog isn’t all that bad. Sure, there’s the can’t talk or order fast food, but Kon feed’s him a lot more “people food” than he should when Ma Kent isn’t looking, and the dog food they get is surprisingly tasty. It’s fun wrestling with Kon, and Kon gives the best belly rubs. They take on bad guys together go on adventures, and it’s a surprisingly enjoyable life.

The one day, snuggled up in Kon’s bed ready to got to sleep, Kon just smooches his dog on the head, and *POOF*

Kon’s dog just transformed into a man his age, who is currently naked and in his bed.

[stars-and-clouds]

hi res download

This is just my understanding of the Ishgardian power hierarchy as I gathered from the game and the undermentioned sources.

some notes:

The church’s power mostly ‘technically’ spans over the orange blocks but some of the green blocks too. It should be noted, however, that Ishgard is a theocracy and religion practically rules over everything. Some examples of lose church power is that, the ruling houses seem to always have some cardinals appointed inside the church from their own house. It is, of course, not clear that it is forced upon the houses or the houses do it to have power inside the church. I wish there was a clearer explanation of this.

In regards to the lose connection between the inquisition and the ruling houses, it seems the houses do fear the authority of the inquisition officers and the inquisitor even by high standing lords (and knights) like Haurchefant and Francel. This is odd since nothing suggests they are above the ruling houses as it is my understanding that the ruling houses are basically a council of rulers in Ishgard, so, they shouldn’t be beneath the vault technically but they seemed to be practically. Religion rules.

I did not find examples any knights sworn to the minor houses, so it seems only the ruling houses have knights sworn to them and the minor houses sends their members to be sworn to the ruling houses, something like bannermen. This might not be for life, however, as seen by the knight Ser Carrilaut who used to serve house Haillenarte but has moved to serve house Dzemael when we meet him for the quest ‘The Rose and the Unicorn’.

*I apologise for the typo in the infographic: Next to the block of ‘minor house,’ the noble title should be ‘Viscount/Viscountess,’ not ‘Visount/Visountess’ lel

edit note (221214): If a clergy member is particularly young, newly admitted or is beneath a pastor, they can be referred with ‘sister/brother’ titles.

As always, respectfully correct me if I have made some mistakes.

Hope this helps people =D

Sources:

Haillenarte on tumblr

Ishgardian Lore Document

Encyclopaedia Eorzea- I by Square Enix