#cipherbell

[nanobyting]

anyway ive been thinking more abt cipherbell and wanna write more abt them cipher is so interesting... untapped potential in adler's brainwashed arc... which i'll explore SOME DAY in point of no return (the whole basis of it honestly) but cipher bein a lil crazy for a dead woman is so chef kiss. a new level of unattainable

[nanobyting]

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" tell me, we both matter, don't we? " || 7/30/22 ac: running up that hill - placebo src: cod bocw

[nanobyting]

iii.

she is the earth he buries himself into every night, digging his hands into her and going deeper and deeper until he can’t climb out. not that he wants to. he wants to curl up inside the hole he’s created inside of her.

“one day, you’ll wake up and realize what’s happened to you,” bell tells him as they lay together, his thumb stroking her bottom lip as he stares into her green eyes. she’s always so cryptic. he stopped trying to solve her riddles. he doesn’t want to. he doesn’t want to have this revelation that will take her away from him.

“is that what you told yourself?” he asks instead, his hand cupping her cheek.

“yes.”

“and?”

“you know what happened.”

“the cliff?”

“the cliff.”

“i’m sorry,” he offers.

she laughs. “for what? you created me. it’s only right that you destroyed me.”

he feels his head swim and he holds her closer against him. “is that what you thought?”

“maybe,” she says, wrapping herself around him. he wants to be buried inside her. he wants to live inside her. this is where he’s meant to be. he feels her chest against his own and doesn’t know if the heart beating is his or hers.

he remembers a time when they were alive. bell and russell adler. in the tunnels of lubyanka. there was a brief moment of respite when the lights were out. she had pushed him down onto the ground to avoid his head being shot off. how she knew in the dark, he’ll never know, or maybe it was just a chance to get on top of him. but he remembers seeing her face illuminated by the red glow of the emergency lights, green eyes wide and dilated at the sight of him, how close she was with her breath tickling his face. her thighs were straddling him and they would have been chest to chest if it were not for their armor vests.

cipher remembers adler’s fingers twitching.

“why are you thinking about that?” bell asks.

“i don’t know,” cipher answers as he thinks about adler’s fingers feeling for bell’s pulse when she was on the gurney as they kept pumping her with drugs in that little room. “i think i just want to touch you.”

“then touch me.”

so he does.

[nanobyting]

ii.

This isn’t right. This isn’t right.

His ears are ringing with rapid gunfire and the sound of screaming. His nose is being assaulted with the smell of napalm and burnt bodies. Wet earth pressing against his back, not helping how the sticky heat makes his clothes cling to his skin and -

“Bell,” he croaks, straining to look down, finally getting his bearings and realizing the weight on his chest was her. He puts a hand on her hip to jostle her awake. The blast of that explosion must have - 

Her side is wet.

He pulls his hand back and blinks at the bright red liquid dripping down his arm.

He realizes he’s lying in a pool of her blood. “Bell!” He quickly moves to get up, gently grabbing her to lay her down next to him.

Her eyes flutter open and searches her surroundings - and he can tell the moment the pain hits her. She hisses while he tears open her jacket, then she whimpers when he reveals the wound to fresh air. She still hasn’t said a word, but her body’s reacting on its own as she grabs onto his wrist to anchor herself, needing to hold onto something for dear life.

She’s in shock.

“Bell, stay with me,” he says, not wasting a single second because it looks bad. It is bad. Something ripped open her right side when she got in front of him to protect him - she didn’t have to do that. She always does this. Gets herself in damn trouble for me. Gets in the line of fire for me. He never asks her to do this. She always acts as if he was the most precious damn thing in the world. Says things like life wouldn’t be worth living without him.

He hurries to get the gauze out of his pack and presses it against her wound to stop the bleeding, ignoring her cries. “I know, I know,” he shushes her, trying to keep his own nerves steady as he glances around to make sure that they weren’t going to get shot at while Bell was -

“Russell,” she whines, glancing down at her body again and reaching for his red red red hands, “it’s not - ”

“Move your hands, Bell, move your hands,” he growls. Too much blood. It isn’t stopping. Seeping through the gauze. Can’t stitch it up when it’s still bleeding like this.

“Cipher.” 

A whimper.

“Stay with me, Bell. Just focus on me. You’re gonna be alright.”

“Cipher.” 

“Russell.” She barely gets his name out and it makes him finally snap his attention to her even though he doesn’t want to.

“CIPHER!”

They aren’t in Vietnam anymore. They’re on the cliff side of Solovetsky and the Arctic air is burning the inside of his lungs as it carries the scent of Bell’s perfume mixed with the blood seeping out of her chest. She’s gasping, struggling to breathe because her lungs are filling with blood - she’s drowning in her own blood.

He stares, frozen in place. His hands felt so warm against her -

“It’s not - ” she gurgles, coughs, and spits, “ - it’s not your fault.”

“Stop,” he murmurs, staring at her as his hands tremble. Her own hands reach to settle on top of his, trapping him in this moment. “Bell, you - “

“Heroes - “ she led him and “ - have to make - ” stood at the edge of the cliff “ - sacrifices.” and fell.

06͠7 ̶06͘6͏ ̷0̷40͟ ̛0̴62 06҉0҉ 040 0͟66͡ ͞14̶1 04͟0 ҉0͞67̶ ͜0͞66͜ 040 ̴0͜66̴ 06͢6͘ ̧0͡40̸ 0͝6͠7҉ ̨06͘5͏ ͠040 0͏62́ ͝06͡0 ̴0̢40͟ 0͞6̷6 ͡14͝1 040 ͜0̨6̷7 ͘06͝2͘ 0̡4̀0 ͞0̶6͠2 0͘6̴0̴ ́04̧0 0̶6́7 0̶65 040̨ ̛066͝ ̛145҉ 04̛0̨ ̵0̕6̵7 06̶1͟ 0̡40 0̀6̴2͢ 0͜60̡ ̨0͘4͏0 ̶0͠67͢ 141 ͘0̶4̶0̕ 066 0̛62҉ 0͢40 ̛06̨6̴ ̵0͡65͡ ̶0̛40̀ ͡0̛67 0̸6̀2 04̷0 ̧0̵62 ̵0҉6̨0 04̕0 0͜6̨6 0̀6̸7 ̴040 ͜067̸ 06͠6̨ 040 ̴067͘ ͜1͜4̨1̨ 04͡0̧ 06̨7 06̢2́

The world comes crashing down around him.

With Bell dying in his arms, peering up at him as if he was her whole world while her blood seeped deep into his skin, into his bones, into his soul.

“This isn’t how it happened.”

He looks up and there’s Bell standing over them. Healthy, no gaping wound in her chest, looking at him and her dying body with concern. Her hand reaches for him by the shirt and he’s pulled up and back into his living room, panting heavily as he stares at her blankly. 

Bell sighs and caresses his face. He leans into her touch.

“How many times have I told you? You can’t keep re-creating these fake memories, Cipher.”

“It isn’t fake,” he says, “not to you.”

She smiles, amused. “It’s fake to you.”

“No - it was real to you. I was there,” he breathes, “I was there. We made those memories together.” Halcyon days in Vietnam. How did she make memories where she yearned for those days in Vietnam? All because it was a time where she supposedly met him - where they grew close. In that corner of the world, far away from anything they knew, surviving against all odds together.

She considers him and drags the back of her hand down his cheek that has him shuddering. “Not those memories,” she says, “memories of me dying.”

“No,” he says urgently, “no. You - when he was scrambling your fucking brain, you kept - you kept going off script and trying to kill yourself in the scenarios.”

“I did?”

“You did.”

“While protecting you?”

“Yeah.”

“... What does that mean?”

“... I don’t know.” Bell frowns and he grabs onto her hands.

“You feel guilty. That’s all. You shouldn’t keep forcing yourself to go through those scenarios, Cipher.”

“I’m not forcing myself.”

She takes his hands in hers and squeezes them tight. Steps closer and tilts her head back to look up at him. She stares into his blue eyes and he wonders what she sees. Some days he wonders if she preferred him or who he used to be.

 “You should rest, Cipher.”

He stares into her. Those green eyes. He feels like they were brighter when she was alive. Sometimes her smiles wouldn't reach her eyes these days. He leans down to kiss her only to be stopped by her fingers pressing against his lips. He frowns and narrows his eyes at her.

“Don’t play this game,” she murmurs, “you always regret it.”

“You said you’d do anything for me.”

“Cipher...”

“Were you lying?”

“Of course not.” He stares at her, expecting more. He always expects more out of her. She doesn’t squirm like she used to. “I would never lie to you. I love you.”

“Show me, then.”

Bell tilts her head, the corner of her lips raising just a bit as her eyes squint with amusement. “You want me to?”

“Yes.”

“How badly?”

“More than anything.”

She laughs and presses against him as he wraps his arms around her tighter. “Oh, Cipher,” she sighs happily, lifting a leg up behind her as she wraps her arms around his neck, “what would you do without me?”

She licks into his mouth and he buries himself deep inside her with no hopes of crawling back out.

[nanobyting]

❛  have you been chasing me your whole life only to fail now ?  ❜

obviously your Bell and Adler

beautiful mirage. || the princess bride (accepting)

He knows her and doesn’t know her. She is his best friend and his worst enemy. She is both here and not. She is everything. She is nothing.

“Nothing?” She asks, amused as always. Her eyes always had a perpetual playful squint to them, constantly watching him to entertain herself. He never minded it. Doesn’t mind it. He wanted her attention as much as possible. As long as she was with him, everything felt right. The repeating numbers that echoed in his mind were muted with the chime of her voice - especially so when she sang.

She laughs. “That’s sweet, Cipher.”

He could listen to her laugh forever.

She laughs again and holds his hand so he can focus. “What do you mean that I’m nothing?”

He pictures her at the cliff side. Her short, dark brown hair flowing in the wind. Her body falling - The numbers buzz heavily in his head. 15 9 2 4 24 - He had her strapped to a chair. She would cry for him. They would inject her. WE’VE GOT A JOB TO DO -

“I know what he did to you,” he says, voice monotone, but his eyes were full of sorrow and so her expression softened. “You’re her. But not. Just like how I’m not him, but am.” It doesn’t make sense, and yet it makes perfect sense to the both of them. Only the two of them would understand. He knows she would have understood if she was really here.

“Are you saying I’m not real, Cipher?” she questions carefully, quietly.

“You’re real,” Cipher answers. “Realer than everything.”

It’s just that he was still in there. Deep inside him. No matter how much he didn’t want him to be. Russell Adler. And he’d say things - that this was wrong. That Bell was dead. That he had killed her. That this was just an illusion. The communists broke him and now he was making up a ghost for this false sense of regret and guilt when there was nothing to be guilty of.

Bell was -

( he found her. in that little jeep with her hand over her bleeding chest. her green eyes could only stare at him in confusion - then, a flash of a silent plea to save her. i don’t want to die, her eyes said. )

- the enemy.

She always had been. What came after never mattered. What they did to her was for the greater good. It was never personal. It was to ensure a better future. A future she was hell bent on destroying.

She -

( “whatever you want, i’d give it to you,” she said, pressing her body against his as her fingers clutched onto his shirt. her green eyes were wide and dilated. her face pressed against his shoulder and peeking up at him. she had him trapped against the wall. “i’d give you everything. my heart, my life, my soul - you just have to ask. why won’t you ask? ” )

was nothing.

Bell sighs and he leans towards her, gently placing his hands onto her hips - peering into those green eyes and wishing he could take her away from here. “Oh, if only,” she says, looking at him with pity. “More than anything, I wanted you to whisk me away - somewhere far away.” He wishes he could undo it all. “But Russell,” she murmurs and the name makes him twitch. Makes the hair on his skin stand and his teeth grind against each other. “You can’t separate yourself like that. You can’t blame my death on someone else as if it wasn’t you.”

“It isn’t me anymore,” he growls. “He died with you that day on that cliff.”

Cipher knows this. Russell Adler had snapped that day. Despite being the one to pull the trigger, the one to throw her body into the ocean instead of giving her a proper burial - he snapped. Threw himself into his work and desperately searched for Perseus. Tiring days and sleepless nights. Barely eating. He became reckless. 

Perseus found him instead.

And so Cipher was born.

Chasing after a ghost.

“Oh, Cipher,” she whispers and he strains to hear every breath that comes out of her. “Oh, Russell,” she says this time, reaching for his scarred cheek and his eyes close to focus on the warmth of her touch. How her thumb caresses each crease and ridge. “It doesn’t matter what you call yourself. What you did doesn’t even matter. Not to me.”

“How could it not matter?”

“None of it matters,” she says, drawing him closer and closer until her nose presses against his scarred cheek, “because I love you.”

Wise men say “only fools rush in.” But I can’t help falling in love with you.

“I told you, didn’t I?” She hums, swaying with him as the music plays. He never knows where it comes from, but she always enjoys it - and he never minds holding her close and dancing just like this.

Like a river flows surely to the sea. Darling so it goes “some things are meant to be.”

“I’d do anything for you,” she confesses. She reveres him and yet it’s him who wants to fall to his knees in front of her and beg for forgiveness. “I’d give everything to you.” Miserere. Please. “And I did, didn’t I?”

Take my hand. Take my whole life too. For I can’t help falling in love with you.

“Oh, Cipher,” she sighs and his grip tightens on her, “if only we had more time.”

( he pictures her at the cliff. the sun is hidden behind the clouds. it’s gloomy and grey. she’s smiling at him. she says something, but he can’t hear it. his hand is wrapped around his pistol. her hands are folded over her lap. he raises his gun and she - )

He gasps awake as if he’s forgotten to breathe. Gulping air into his lungs as he heaves and strains in his restraints. His eyes are wide and wild - searching the room as his ears ring.

“ - ler..! Adler!” 

Belatedly, he registers Mason in front of him, gripping his arms and holding him still against the metal chair. He coughs harshly, struggling to get his lungs in working order.

“It’s getting worse,” Mason growls, undoing the restraints on Adler’s wrists and legs. “You’re drifting further and further. If we keep doing this, I might not be able to pull you out. We have to stop - or at least take a damn break.”

His head is pounding and he needs a moment to get himself together. Mason glances to him, wrinkling his nose before he works on putting away their supplies.

“We’re almost there,” he finally says, making Mason stop to look at him. “We’re right fucking there. I can feel it.”

“You keep saying that,” Mason sighs, “what do you mean? What’s at the end of this? You work your way towards killing the Bell in your head?” 

Ding. His fingers flex around his arm rests and he stares past Mason.

“This isn’t working,” Mason continues as it stands behind him. “We have to come up with something else - ”

It smiles at him as Mason begins to pace around the room.

“ - we’re pushing your body too far - ”

It steps in front of him. He raises his gaze to its green eyes.

“ - and we’re working with practically nothing.”

“Oh,” it laughs softly, “have you been chasing me your whole life only to fail now?”

“You’re going to die at this rate, Adler.”

[nanobyting]

in the middle of writing projects and there's an nsfw cipherbell one and now my mind wants to write a nasty post solovetsky adlerbell one on top of that HFJDFJ