On a late foggy London night, a police-officer makes his rounds, only to trend down trotters lane. Upon which he hears a faint humming noise, which leads him to the blue gates of a scrapyard. He dares to open them, only to find a blue police box tucked inside.
Dun. Dun. Duunn.
That’s it though. We never see him again. He’s completely irrelevant and he doesn’t even die.
What nonsense is this?
Episode one of Classic Who
Full explanation and review under the cut...
An Unearthly Child is not a bad episode per say; I suppose its a very dated one; in the sense, not much happens in it but historically, it’s fascinating.
Don’t get me wrong; entertainment level; Meh; fascination level; Oooh
We’re quickly introduced to our two companions for the series;
Barbara Wright the history teacher; there to show the Doctor the power of Compassion
And Ian ChesterTON the science teacher; there to show the Doctor the power of Hope
Which I mean is amazing; Doctor Who truly has always been about four things; Science; History; Compassion and Hope.
Just wonderful.
Don’t get me wrong; we no longer get anything half as good, as the dynamic that this TARDIS team has; its all there, and the Doctor’s just along for the ride (for majority of it).
I wish modern who was more like this. No drama. (Well no relationship drama ((Well no love-triangle bullshit)))
That being said, there are questionable moments. Moments that make you go, Ah the Sixties.
For example; the whole premise of the episode.
Basically, Barbara Wright is concerned for a student of hers (Susan Foreman) who she considers to be very bright and wants to help her become unstoppable.
And by that I mean, give her more in-depth lessons outside of school; basically a home-schooling advance learning opportunity; just for Susan.
Only problem; Susan says her grandfather won’t like nor allow it.
So, Barbara does the logical thing, accepts Susan’s no and moves on with her life, like any good teacher.
I’m joking; she stalks the girl, I mean naturally.
She first uses her privilege as the girls teacher to get her address from the school’s office; and then tracks her down to this scrapyard, only to be horrified.
Well I’m sure Susan’s not trilled either Barbara, but save your judgement, my goodness, she doesn’t come barging into your address and judging your living circumstances.
I mean in all seriousness, Susan attends school regularly (presumably) and is in no means in a state of distress nor dressed poorly. What I’m trying to say is, Barbara has no reason to presume Susan’s ill-looked after.
That being said, she turns up in the hopes of speaking with Susan’s grandfather, without Susan’s permission, to convince him of the benefits of tutoring Susan outside of school, and I mean, you couldn’t really get away with this now-a-days.
Possibly a call, but most teachers would hand them a letter and ask the parent to get in contact if they’re interested.
But Barbara’s dedicated. Only the episode freely admits, she’s more curious about the very clever, very knowledgeable oddity that Susan Forman is. She knows things she shouldn’t, and doesn’t know things she should.
I mean, she’s just had a sheltered life, she does come across as a very naïve girl who has been raised around a very intelligent role model. That’s it. So in other words, Barbara’s just curious of this grandfather of hers, and everyone acts like the Doctor was paranoid but he had a right to be.
Ian on the other hand, freely admits this is suspicious behaviour and tries to get Barbara to admit it. All the way to driving up outside the scrapyard and waiting for Susan to turn up. Yeah, two teachers just chilling, waiting for their student to turn up, like weirdos.
And everyone questions the Doctor’s behaviour, his hostility but these two, the real weirdos, I’m telling you.
Anywho...
Each teacher takes turn talking about their experience’s of Susan, and in all honestly they fall a little flat.
For Barbara; she discuss’ Susan’s humiliation; about currency. And oh, prepare yourself for a short little history lesson.
Basically, British money made zero sense until 1971.
1 Pound = 20 Shillings.
20 Shillings = 12 Pence
1 Pence = 2 halfpennies or 4 farthings
What is this nonsense? And I struggle with modern British currency, my goodness.
Now to be a barer of bad news. Doctor Who didn’t actually predict the change in currency (with Susan mistaking presuming Britain had already shifted to the new decimal system) as from 1961; the slow process; taking ten-years; had already been happening. How known this was, I couldn’t say, but talk of switching a more easy currency, like in America, had probably already been happening for years.
This along with the idea that Doctor Who’s first episode aired the same day President Kennedy got assassinated is a little misinforming, but either way, still a little fascinating quirk.
Doctor Who Air Date: 23rd Nov 1963 (Sat)
Kennedy Death: 22nd Nov (Fri)
Back to the episode;
Susan wrongly presumes Britain are on the decimal system
1 pound = 100 pennies
Only to embarrass herself in front of the entire class.
And that’s the only flashback Barbara contributes. Like come on. Not one thing about her showing off her historical knowledgeable. Because apparently, Susan’s corrected the history book, and I don’t know how she managed that one because surely Barbara would believe the book, over a student but....
Ian gets two flashbacks (blatant sexism)
In all honestly, I can see why.
He first shows us Susan being bored of science (which high school student isn’t) but it’s not because she doesn’t understand but because she’d rather be working with active chemicals. (Whoa girl calm down, this is a school, go blow up the scrapyard you live in).
Basically, remember in science class, when you dipped paper into chemicals to see it change colour (I vaguely remember myself) that has apparently been happening since the sixties, which is a little depressing.
Then, Ian shows us Susan not understanding how dimensions work. As apparently she can’t work in three-dimensions, and instead works in four which is drumroll please, time.
Again, the idea either teacher would believe Susan is a little questionable at best, sure she’s coming up with novel ideas, sort of, but she sounds like a rambling mad-man or scientist, not a clever girl. If anything, they’re showing the opposite, which makes more sense.
There here for the Doctor, he needs to RUN! Quick Doctor. They’re on to you.
Now, I know what you’re thinking; who’s the big bad of the episode. Who is going to try to kill or trick the companions? Is it Susan. Now while that would make for a brilliant episode, no. Technically, it’s no-one.
But I have different idea to put across. Because, if anyone in this episode is acting antagonistic, it’s the Doctor.
Dun. Dun. Duuun.
Susan arrives home. Enters the scrapyard, and failing to notice or hear her teachers calling out to her. They follow her anyway, and begin exploring the scrapyard, which as you imagine is full of a lot of old junk, nobody wants, and would look at home in a car boot sale.
It is rather late, after school, but Ian brought a flashlight and also finds the TARDIS hiding beside some steps. He manages to round the entire box, notes its humming and claims it a living being. Which is more than most companions can say.
At the arrival of the Doctor, both teachers hide behind those steps, as he approaches the box, only to spot them and immediately become suspicious. Which turns into a full blown argument, between Ian and the Doctor over the box, which the Doctor claims a cupboard, and Susan’s disappearance.
Like these teachers go full on, you’ve abducted her. Um, she willingly entered the scrapyard, you saw her, and um, he wasn’t even in here when she did, because he came after, so, um, good look arguing that one in court.
After a rather lengthy back and forth, with a lot of condescending comments on the Doctor’s part. Susan opens the TARDIS doors, and Ian attacks him to allow Barbara to rush inside to save Susan.
Did I say the Doctor’s the bad-guy; whoops; I meant Ian and Barbara; they stuck there noses in where it both wasn’t asked nor needed, and forcefully entered the Doctor’s TARDIS, despite being asked to leave, all because they didn’t like nor understand what’s going on.
Also, the Doctor drawing attention away from the TARDIS, by admiring junk found in a scrapyard, will never not be funny. (Also, also, did scrapyards have a different meaning in the sixties? Or have I been Americanised beyond hope?)
As episodes go; not as sexist as I feared. I mean there’s this idea that Ian is the man, and he has this role to play (which features throughout the entire series) but its done in a way, that makes you, one, like and trust Ian, and two, not think any less of the other characters. It doesn’t bash on Barbara for being a woman, nor Susan for being a young girl, or even the Doctor for being an old man. It accepts it, even if it takes it a little far, with assigned roles.
All in all; little underwhelming; quite boring; and um Racist. Yeah, only one comment about the indigenousness people of America not understanding trains, like American’s didn’t think a woman’s womb would explode if she boarded one, and the general lack of POC anything.
Yeah, I’m afraid the next three episodes are by far the worst episodes of Doctor Who, that I have ever had the misfortune of experiencing.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the old Classic Who, I like historical things, and working out how much society has changed, writing has changed, things like that, and by no means recommend this for someone looking for entertainment. Not that its all boring, there are a few serials (stories spread across multiple episodes) that I would recommend, if some of the episodes weren’t missing but as a general rule. WOULD NOT RECOMMEND.
Part 1 of 4
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inspired by fifteen trying to say shit and getting censored by the nanny filter, here’s a complete table of every doctors who and whether or not they use strong language
1 - no
2 - yeah
3 - rarely, but accurately and directly, in a dignified and sarcastic fashion
4 - ABSOLUTELY all the time. the tardis filter barely copes. we’ve all seen the K-9 clip, that’s what the character sounds like without the kids show censorship
5 - no. does he look like a man who swears to you? maybe some esoteric combination of words like fuckadoodle shitnozzles
6 - yes. duh
7 - he doesn’t enjoy it, but occasionally, sparingly, when the situation calls for it
8 - definitely . not too frequently, though. for emphasis, or for a laugh
9 - that man is a working class northerner from the 2000s and a jaded war veteran. draw your own conclusions. he knows elaborate insults you’ve never heard of
10 - cheeky little ‘fuck’ here and there with rose & martha, ALL THE TIME with donna, and swearing like hell when he starts going off the rails in the s4 specials
11 - lol no. well… he’s got an example to set to the companions that he treats like children. he’s a storybook character and he wants to be perceived as an imaginary friend, a kind almost victorian whimsical gentleman in a bowtie, and a person like that wouldn’t use crude language. with river song though? now THAT’S a whole other story
12 - the scene in dark water with the psychic paper tells us everything we need to know. twelve in series 8 was straight up pg13ified malcolm tucker. shuttity-up-up-up without the tardis filter sounds like fuckity-bye. he swears liberally, frequently, unsparingly and unceremoniously, at everyone without distinction, including clara’s students at coal hill. personally i think that’s one hell! of a fucking! bird!
13 - no. she’s all famalam hipster mum cringy kindergarten teacher. it doesn’t fit her ~vibe~. the master makes fun of this trait in the timeless children when he’s goading her about her superiority complex. says it’s such a step down from her previous self, at least that one was honest about his emotions
fugitive - she gives no fucks and takes no shit
14 - yes from time to time, like a normal human being would, nothing excessive. donna does bring it out in him though. his mouthy side
15 - this guy says cunt and serves it
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The Church on Ruby Road (spoilers)
Oh my god! I absolutely loved that! Ncuti Gatwa is phenomenal. He's got so much presence right from the start, and there were some lovely little Doctor-ish quirks that he got across very nicely. I particularly liked his disdain for the Goblins' supposed time travel, him loving the name Lulubelle and the way he rattled off his police interview answers (though the bit about the proposal was perhaps a little too Sherlock). On a sadder note, his 'maybe I'm the bad luck' line was also delivered really well.
Ruby Sunday is pretty cool too, though I'm not quite as sold on her yet. Millie Gibson's performance felt just a trifle stilted to me, but I hope that goes away as she relaxes into the role. I loved her family, especially her gran. It's so nice to have a wider companion family like this again. We got it a bit with Yaz (and sort of Ryan and Graham), but I hope we get to see a bit more of this lot!
I wasn't sure what I was going to think of the Goblins, but I really like the alternative physics time travel thing they have going on with the language of luck. The Doctor's line about learning the vocabulary of rope was great; some real 'resonating concrete' vibes. But yes, the Goblins were fun and interesting. I don't know if they'll become anything particularly iconic, but not every villain needs to be.
The musical number was enormous fun. Obviously the first part was released ahead of time, but the Doctor and Ruby launching into a second part was unexpected and fantastic. Ncuti has a damn good voice. There have been questions about whether a musical episode of the show could work before, and I'm definitely here for it if there's ever a plan to give us more than just one song! Ruby's own ability to sing (improvisationally!) was also quite nicely set up with her being in a band.
Perhaps the best part of the episode was when Ruby was taken out of time. Her mum being a far more jaded and unhappy person, with even the lighting getting dimmer, was incredibly effective. Her declaring she was happy alone with tears in her eyes, the Doctor also crying, really got me. Ncuti's performance throughout that as well gave me a lot of faith in what's to come (not that I needed any, given what I've seen of him in Sex Education). (That 'then why are you crying' also had more than a hint of Amy crying for Rory.)
I have to mention the timeless child stuff. As with what he did with the flux in Wild Blue Yonder, I'm over the moon that RTD is taking things from the last era and actually doing stuff with it. I know there will be people angry about it because they expected him to retcon the whole thing, but I far prefer this approach. Granted, I never minded the timeless child stuff that much (unlike the flux), but it was really effective having the Doctor actually bring up the fact that he doesn't know where he's from. I wonder if RTD is planning to do anything more with it, or if it will just be used as character and relationship building material.
Smaller stuff:
We got another mavity mention, so is this just here to stay or is it part of a longer arc?
The way the gloves work didn't make sense to me. The way the Doctor explained them was as if the weight just shifted to the glove (which makes sense for making balancing and gripping easier), but if that's the case where does the extra weight come from when pulling the rope down? Oh well, I'll just imagine they're magic weight deletion/creation devices and move on with my life.
That spike through the Goblin King at the end was brutal! I'm surprised they were allowed to show it. No blood or anything, I suppose, but still!
Ruby's mother (we presume) was somehow still walking away after the Doctor's whole escapade with the Goblins. Bad directing (I might have bought it if she were much further away on a long road) or an indication of more at play? Either way, presumably this isn't the last of that plot thread!
What the hell is going on with Mrs Flood? When she was watching the Doctor towards the end, I thought it was pretty strange, and then in the mid-credits sequence I started to wonder if she was something more than she seemed. Then came the look to camera and her line about TARDISes… Technically, this could be a weird little moment a la Feast of Steven, but it seems more likely something else is at play. The Toymaker could bend the rules of reality, so perhaps she could be part of the legions he mentioned, able to break the fourth wall at will. We shall see, I suppose!
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